To LW1: I assume you are a typical at-will employee. This means you owe your employer a seconds work for a seconds pay. Thats It.
Disclose Nothing.
Your responsibility is to yourself, and your boss' responsibility is to the company. Even if said boss shows compassion, they will act in behalf of the company.
Look, I write in the strongest terms possible in this family publication. It's none of their beeswax. When someday you possibly can't make a dinner or a business trip or a key meeting, they will get the message. Until then, offer up work for pay and keep your personal situation to yourself. You don't have the personal relationship with the boss that you think you do.
27
Lw #1 - perhaps you can tell your boss some of your concerns. You might say that you are concerned about the travel portion of the new job because you are still being treated for the original illness and need to stay close to your healthcare provider. You really don't know how fast or slow your illness will progress, so you can deal with future limitations in the future.
5
re: 'The Car Crash Family' in B.C. I'm glad that the family was o.k. (she doesn't mention at all the outcome of the people or person in the car that totally demolished her car, and THAT leaves me to wonder a bit). 'I am appaled at the amount of money we are taking..' Really? Being appaled these days seems to be as prevalent as breathing. I hope this woman writes back to let us know what she did with all the money she was appaled about. We worry!
2
I would caution anyone not to volunteer information that you might not need to share. Many managers receive bonuses based on unit performance. Planning for a bonus is common and having a fully productive staff is the best way to "earn" that bonus. Once you volunteer the information a manager, motivated by incentive over time, might make decisions that would allow the team to circle around your predictable "absences" so that the bonus was not affected. Your dignity and career position however would suffer. Not all human nature is altruistic, and if a bonus is involved- QUITE the opposite enters the equation. It isn't personal its business. NEVER volunteer information to people motivated by bonuses.
19
Yes, wait, till you can no longer perform your job. Unfortunately, this is not a TV movie of the week world. Your needs need to be taken care in the event you cannot function.
Wait
22
LW1 bosses are not friends; at best they are co-workers. Only tell him/her that you have some health issues when it is clear you will not be able to do the assigned work (at some time...perhaps a few months). LW2 you mentioned your son has trauma. You may need the money for therapy. Keep every last dime in a conservative investment account.
22
I am an employment attorney who represents employees. Maybe your boss is that one in a million that will continue your relationship the way it has been or maybe he isn't and will fire you. My advice, don't take the chance unless you need medical leave and keep it quiet until then. They had to pass the Americans with Disabilities Act for a reason and not much has changed since.
36
I was the boss of a woman who passed away nearly a year ago, some seven months after she took what ended up being a permanent medical leave for treatment for terminal cancer. Prior to her going on leave, she worked in a highly demanding job that required extensive travel (a job she loved, especially the travel).
While I knew vaguely that she had health problems that required some minor accommodations to her travel schedule (namely, allowing her to return home more frequently than our standard contract allowed), it wasn’t until she went on long-term leave that she revealed that she had cancer. In fact, she had had cancer for a decade and had gone in and out of remission before it ultimately became terminal. She was a proud and optimistic person and I learned after she shared her diagnosis with me that she felt strongly about not being judged or treated differently because of her illness.
I’m grateful that our company allowed me to be flexible with her health needs — especially not demanding documentation or proof to allow her a modified travel schedule prior to her going on leave, so she could enjoy the job she loved without compromising her health (and continue providing value to the company, which she did in spades). Our company is small and has an unusually loyal and high-trust culture, but I wish this was more standard.
39
As the victim of a similar kind of accident 15 years ago (a very large, brand new pickup truck ran a stop sign after not seeing us on a 65-mph highway. The resulting crash critically injured me, badly shook up my wife, and destroyed the custom-made PT Cruiser she had given me about a year before as a very special birthday present. I still suffer from the pain and limited use of my left arm due to a compound fractur--in the precise location of a similar injury from a childhood horseback riding accident. My neck us injured, although the full extent wasn't know for five years when I was immobilized for many hours for open heart surgery. It cannot be treated so the mobility, pain and severe headaches are an ongoing problem. And the psychological damage remains due to the crash but circumstances involving the initial emergency air medical response to it. The bone damage will never heal adequately-should there be a third fracture my orthopedic surgeon warned me the arms would likely have to be amputated from three inches above the wrist on down, including the hand. The neck can likely never be repaired. And flashbacks, while less frequent still occur. So the mother should not feel overcompensated--by American standards, the settlement was very modest and forward-looking-in other words, the funds should be in an interest-bearing account to be used if any of the conditions worsen, which they may. BC has an enlightened approach.
16
The injured letter writer would be wise to salt away the settlement. My wife was injured in a similar crash, and like other writers, suffered some degree of injury which did not appear for many years, and could not be cured. Although BC may have good medical insurance, you would be prudent to have a reserve to cover rehabilitation and other services which might not be covered
11
Another BC resident here...and I've been hit (zero fault) three times. "public system of health care that means you don’t have to worry about medical expenses" is simply not true. Massage, chiropractor, physical therapies and even specialist ones are not free, and ICBC is not inclined to cover them
After my first rear ender, I had a hugely difficult time and in constant pain for almost 4 years. ICBC insisted that my accident was like being bumped with a grocery cart. Clearly, it was not.
It is true that some insurance payouts seem large. If the writer doesn't want to take the settlements, don't. But you can never judge another's situation.
15
I am surprised--no, strike that-shocked that the advice to LW1 is so uniformly in favor of untrusting nondisclosure until the last microsecond. You describe your boss as your mentor, say that were he not your boss you'd call him friend, and credit him with creating your "dream job." IMO you owe it to him to spare him a rude surprise. If I were in your position, I would tell him soon enough that there is time for a period of gradual adjustment before changes absolutely have to be made. If the roles were reversed, what would you expect, give your history? In the end, it depends on how you want to think of yourself. Which is worse, being disappointed in him or in yourself?
LW2: This is not a life-changing amount of money. Chill.
9
To the woman in British Columbia: take the money and run! I was in a car crash in 1981, in which I sustained head trauma and a traumatic brain injury plus a 4-week coma, plus multiple skeletal injuries.
I was a pedestrian, it was dusk and beginning to rain, and the driver was apparently a new driver. His insurance company was only required to pay me $10,000; if it weren't that I was still covered by my dad's Blue Cross/Blue Shield from his previous job for all effects of the car crash—even psychiatric care—I would have been seriously shortchanged. and would have had a lot of difficulty continuing my life.
As other commenters here have noted, it has been the PTSD that is the most insidious lingering effect of the crash, even to this day.
11
Example #1 Wait until you are no longer able to preform your work well and then let it be known this way the boss can prepare for when you cannot work. Had an employee who had cancer and was getting treatment and was in remission. Then it returned and they needed to leave the job, but we were well prepared.
Example #2 Put the money received in savings for the future! When something may happen and you need the money for living expenses etc.
8
You absolutely must tell your boss about your condition BUT NOT UNTIL it will start to affect your work performance. Hopefully at that time every possible accommodation will be made to enable you to continue contributing to your employer as long and as best you can. I'm sure every reader wishes you the very, very best.
17
My experience in this circumstance was virtually identical to that of the author. In my case I felt it right and proper to advise my boss/mentor and long term collleague as I thought it plausible that my condition might impact our work without my being aware, at least in initial early stages.
I did so with some trepidation and in return for taking on that risk was rewarded with being asked if any accommodations were needed, adequate time off for medical appointments, sincere concern for my Well-being, a promotion a few months later on, all without consequence of any negative kind. I have responded to my boss and my company by simply doing my job as a productive, loyal and appreciative manager, who feels energised, supported and valued by Sr management and my staff and colleagues who are also aware . I made a personal decision to share limited details with my department so that they cold act as an early warning system for me as initial symptoms can easily pass un-noticed by me but are apparent to those around me.
Granted, I work in the UK where workers are provided with many more workplace legal protections and there is much more emphasis on work-life balance and supportive community. Having spent years over 15 prior working years in US based Wall st finance I feel less confident I’d have made the same choices without needing to seek legal advise or recourse, or risk suffering career and life impacting consequences.
10
My advice for LW1 is to put emotions aside and put self first - it's rarely the case that loyalty to an employer benefits an employee. Also, the current helpful boss may leave the company at any time, and knowledge of LW1's medical condition may be assessed very differently by the new boss.
18
@CB
If it is all right for the employee to put self first, and I think most people would subscribe to that, then it follows that it is all right for the company to put the company first.
And then the circle dance begins again.
1
@Peter Jackel Here in the U.S., most companies put corporate well being before that of their employees.
12
My husband, daughter, and I were in a wild car accident when she was about three. We were on an interstate on New Year's Day and the temp dropped very suddenly, and cars were flying all over the place. As near as we could tell, our car spun around twice and flew into the center ditch between lanes, and remained there angled nose-down for several hours until we could get towed out. We were not a priority because there were several fatalities just within a few miles.
Fortunately, we were all belted in, and our three-year-old was safe in the back seat in her appropriate child seat. Our pet ferret was in his cage in the back, and the cage lifted and bounced but he was fine. We had a good story to tell for a while.
But now I have realized that our daughter--now 35--considers it one of the most scary, harrowing, terrifying incident of her whole life. I had no clue. The reason I am telling the story is that when we say that a child was not injured, or anything else that minimizes what happened to them, we can find that our offhand acceptance doesn't represent their takeaway at all.
35
LW1:
No.
You need your job and medical insurance more than ever, right now. Your boss has a duty to his employer and much as you might see him as a mentor or a friend, he is not. He IS your boss.
Just NO.
LW2:
Put the money away for good purpose. That crick in your neck will still be there in 25 years. It may need more than you think.
34
Don't tell your employer until you absolutely have to. It's clearly in your best interests not to have you career curtailed prematurely. Any decent human being would understand why you need to look out for yourself in this situation. Assume your mentor is a decent human being and don't overthink this.
17
In the alternative should I tell my boss I have a hangnail?
Like most here, I'd advise LW1 to keep her health issues private until or if the condition makes disclosure inevitable. Ultimately, doing the job well is all that matters to the organisation. Your boss would be compelled to inform those higher up and/or HR of your condition and they may not be sympathetic, seeing you only as a liability. LW1 is worried that the friendship currently enjoyed with the boss will falter once the condition becomes visible and he had not been told earlier. Tell me, how would you feel if he let you go once you did? You would be heartbroken if told it was a purely business decision. It's a bonus if you click with a colleague at work but remember, it's a friendship framed in the transactional environment of employment where different objectives are to the fore.
18
I am a paraplegic. During the past 25 years that I have been confined to a wheel chair, I have relied upon libraries to answer questions for current and future bosses.
Libraries play a critical role in providing assistance to our most vulnerable population in giving them resources to find jobs and improve their lives. Last year’s opening of a library in Queens which fails to serve disabled children and adults is a course of shame to the architect who designed it and the mayor who spent five years doing his job to oversee the $41.5 million project.
https://www.e-architect.co.uk/columns/joel-solkoffs-column-vol-vi-number-1
8
Do not inform your boss. Do your job and inform when necessary. I speak from experience.
26
LW1: I am sorry for your worries. I've learned one or two things from a cousin diagnosed with ALS in her early sixties. These things unfurl in unexpected ways, and involve everyone close to you. But my main thoughts are about you, how you will carry this immense secret from day to day. I think not telling your boss is a way of not telling yourself. Not a speck of criticism here. You are blessed with a good boss who wants good things for you. You have been blessed also with competence and intelligence and a job that recognizes both. Yes you would like to keep going! And to some extent you most certainly will. But it may include training the next person to take over your work. Perhaps you might think of your true work as teaching the rest of us how to face this thing with courage and practicality and gratitude (all traits of yours). Tall order, I know. Just reading your letter I am inspired. Sometimes, the hardest thing in the world is to let other people help.
2
@Katy Per 'I think not telling your boss is a way of not telling yourself.' Several years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer shortly after starting a new job. I waited to tell my boss until there was no option, and he was unfailingly supportive and accommodating. In the interim period between being diagnosed and telling my boss, work was a haven - it was the one place where I could pretend that I did not have cancer. Once other people know, your cancer is with you everywhere. I will always be very grateful that my boss and colleagues provided every imaginable kind of support - and that I had the sage space at work to get used to my new reality before everyone knew.
8
LW1 ... Absolutely DO NOT tell the boss about your health condition until you must do so, which might never happen. You don't know what the future holds. But, there is one sure thing... it will change the way people think and treat you.
If and when the time comes that your illness affects your work, that will be the time to ask for time off and tell you boss and co-workers.
Good Luck! and enjoy your life and job.
26
Letter # 2 is not for real. BC's public auto insurer does not press unneeded sums into claimants' hands - it behaves exactly like any insurer and tries to avoid payment. And never handles a claim quickly. There is coverage for treatment but the insurer attempts to avoid those too. No one gets $20,000 for bruises. The system is not funded by taxes but by premiums and no one should feel pleased to take improper advantage of an insurance scheme on the basis that it is large and an individual claim is small because this kind of thinking is exactly what drives insurance premiums up for every other ordinary person. Hardly an ethical analysis and not factual either!
7
@pigeon I wonder about this too, as a BC resident. I got $20,000 for an accident once and a lawyer had to fight for months to get it for me.
3
Thank you for publishing this question. I am in this exact place right now.
3
Unregulated -- or regulated, but without the will to enforce those regulations -- capitalism has made it impossible to both be entirely ethical in our employment dealings and look after oneself and one's family. Should it serve the needs of your employer, you would be unceremoniously fired and escorted to the front door by security. Look after your own interests! They will not be.
9
The author of the first letter didn't explain whether or not he has medical insurance based on his job. This is a fundamental issue for a person facing a debilitating illness. The boss, no matter how empathetic, might have the right to terminate the employee for non-disclosure. My advice would be to check and double check the conditions of his contract, and seek legal advice, before saying anything to the boss.
16
LW1 should consult with an employment attorney asap, prior to discussing this with their boss.
Your boss may be friend material under other circumstances, but is still your boss, with obligations to the company.
The 2 letters below summarize opposing decisions and risks.
Wishing you the best outcome.
12
Be right back, moving to Canada.
(Though I can barely imagine such a functional, people-oriented system.)
10
Regarding the employee with a disabling medical condition and telling their boss about the condition, I found myself in the exact same scenario in 2016 when I developed a rare form of cancer that would and did become disabling to the point of curative surgery. After a year at the job, I was on the path to becoming the de facto essential employee mentored by my wonderful boss. I took the chance and spoke to my boss, with whom I had a wonderful professional relationship, about my cancer. He was great. So was HR, until the disabling part of cancer reared its ugly head. In mid-September after a 12-week leave, covered by FMLA, I returned from surgery and some healing. I immediately felt hostility. The day before I came back to work, I was notified by HR that if I took one additional day off from work, I would be terminated. It was a horrible experience culminating in my dismissal, with no severance or ability to file for unemployment granted. Through my hiring of a good, specialized attorney, the company paid six months severance, 18 months of COBRA payments, as well as my attorney's fees totaling $7500. But, I never quite got over the sense of betrayal by my boss (later, I found out HR was holding the ax over his head, in regard to his trying to help me), the company, and just people in general. I wish the letter writer well, but I'd keep my mouth shut until the disability affected work and attendance.
31
The difference between these two letters is striking. In the first, someone faces the possible loss of health care because they have a fatal illness (granted, loss of health care isn't the writer's primary concern, but it lurks beneath); in the second, injuries are fully covered. Which health care system would you prefer?
14
In responding to the question about revealing a health diagnosis with an employer, I would be much more emphatic than the Ethicist. NO! Do not reveal. The possibility that the employer would not act to protect the writer is too real, and the consequences too devastating. Just imagine the difficulties of the trajectory of the disease, and then imagine that same path without health insurance. The employer may see his role as protecting the company, rather than protecting this individual employee. Reveal only when absolutely necessary; keep your health insurance in tact.
20
"Excessively generous insurance systems? This is a burden most U.S. citizens have been spared."
And, I might add, wish they had. Your irony is spot on.
And how refreshing that, instead of unthinkingly taking more that their share, someone only wants what they need. Well, I never met a Canadian I didn't like!
Canada and the European "democratic socialist" countries are definitely outliers on the world scene in terms of sharing the benefits of their nation state with all its citizens. This is how everyone should live all around the world. How do we get there as quickly and efficiently as possible? That's what we should be asking ourselves!
5
"In addition to your formal relationship with him as an employee, you have a personal relationship with him as a mentee"
The mentee relationship is not really a "personal" one. They may have a warm and friendly professional relationship as mentor-mentee, but it is not personal, it is workplace related.
The employee has a duty to do his or her best work for the employer, and to act within the law. There is no legal, ethical or moral obligation to divulge information about this disability at this stage.
The LW's ethical responsibility is to himself and his family especially given today's corporate environment, in which shareholder value and profits take priority over everything.
The LW can fulfil his ethical and moral obligations by getting some legal advice on his rights under the ADA, and taking steps to protect himself when the need arises for disclosure.
15
1) employee--is going to need so much from every support system which exists that it should be well worth her while to consult a lawyer who specializes in a wide array of disability claims. She needs to have everything lined up so that when A occurs, she can take B move; when C occurs, she can take D move. Her situation also needs to be documented every step of the way so everyone is wary of taking punitive action against her. Her life, like it or not, has become a very long exercise in submitting claims for support and relief for the balance of her life. This is both private and public sector support as obviously both will be needed. The lawyer should also know discrimination law as that indeed may occur. If everything is documented, it will be harder to miss when it does.
2-Canada benefit system--I assume that Canada did an exhaustive study of what could be expected as claims, including the likelihood of an injury appearing later, whether physical or mental. The family was compensated in line with that comprehensive body of work. So I would put the money aside and hope the entire family's luck continues to hold. But it may not and that is when the money will be needed. That money would not have been paid if the 4 people did not have X% chance of contracting Y sometime in the future.
11
Some fifty years ago, I was tail-ended in traffic, nearly destroying my car. The impact drove my vehicle into the one in front of me. My driver’s seat was torn out of the floor tracks and my neck was twisted when I hit the shoulder belt (luckily, it stopped me from taking a bite out of the steering wheel!).
The police took me to the hospital because they were concerned about whiplash, but the X-rays showed no spinal damage.
In fact, I probably had a concussion because My memories of that year are at best scrambled, if they haven’t vanished entirely.
Some 25 years later, my neck began to bother me, and today the snaps and cracking in the upper part of my spine are a constant reminder of accident that I can barely remember.
I’d advise the woman to wait a number of years before concluding that everything is fine with her and her loved ones. If she feels strongly, take the money; invest it; and when she’s certain that there are no further medical consequences if her collision, donate the money to the charity of her choice — MADD clearly springs to mind.
31
Hello. I work as a leader in HR and want to clarify that the law only requires you to let your employer know when you are impaired from doing the essential functions of your job. You will need a doctor's note that states you have a serious medical condition and lists your job restrictions to allow your employer to assess whether or not it can accommodate those restrictions. There is absolutely no legal requirement to state what the serious medical condition is...the law could be different in different states, but I doubt it is my understanding that you have a right to privacy of your medical condition under federal law....but I'm not certain.
I am so sorry you are going through this and admire your willingness to consider telling your mentor now. If your mentor is as admirable as he sounds, I imagine he'll understand if you wait. Understanding/reasonable leaders know how tricky medical conditions are & generally have been through it before one way or another. Of course, only you can decide what the right course is and I definitely see the benefits of telling him before you become impaired. Best wishes to you!
20
In 2015, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I too had a good relationship with my 2 bosses, well I thought, I did. I had a mastectomy in February 2015, and lift in May 2015, and ran into complications and after having emergency surgery in June 2015. I was told by the office manager that any days I take off I would be docketed, which I couldn't afford to lose. Having emergency surgery on a Friday and having to return to work, since I couldn't afford time off, I came to work with Staph and Strep infections. Then in 2016, I had total knee replacement surgery and ran into complications and was told the main boss was tired I was always sick. I had an MUA (where you go under and your doctor breaks the scar tissue). I had this procedure on 12/31/2016, took a week off in January 2017, and returned to work against my doctor's advice. Continued with PT and continued to get minutes taken off my time from the office manager. I came to work at 8am and worked until 4pm, each day. Things turned for the worse for me. Thinking I had a good relationship with my bosses.
If you feel that you have a great relationship with your employer, let them know. If your employer/boss and you have a good relationship let them know. I hope things turn out for you in the best way. I have read in other posts (Not the NYTimes), that women who have taken off for having cancer, suffer so much for having this disease. loopholes in the law. Myself, I worked in a small law firm.
9
LW2, though the insurance funds may not be needed now, save it for the future. Several years ago, I was in a similar type accident and saved the funds from litigation. It now pays for assistance I need around the house because of the injuries from 27 years ago. Consider the future. Good health to you and your family.
32
@Esther I had the same thought.
4
The past several weekends this column to which I admittedly subscribe comes to my inbox. Since, my work requires not giving advice it's almost as if I read the column to affirm my "no advice" stance. This week was no exception. Was wondering if there should be a column or place where the response to advice might be questions? That is, non directional, open ended questions that would allow the asker to uncover or discover their own answer. If people were prohibited from giving advice when they were not competent how much conversational noise digital and otherwise would be eliminated? Just asking? Questions only please!
@Bruce Peters Wondering how much easier and faster it would be for you to simply unsubscribe from receiving this column to your inbox, rather than positing its lack of worth to other readers who find value in reading it?
7
@Mary Owens good question! 😁
2
LW2: I like what BC does. Wish we had something like that here. I practiced neurology and saw literally thousands of injuries that left people with varying degrees of pain and no neurological impairment. Indeed, the numbers of patients and subsequent depositions were enough to be one reason why I left medicine. In my first year of practice I looked at thirty consecutive people with these types of injuries--27 were not at fault and 26 had continued pain a year later. The 27th had a slip and fall at a store where she worked and loved her job, and she wasn't going to sue. Only three people had at fault injuries, which alone was interesting. They all got better within a month.
I think quick compensation without prolonged legal involvement is a far better answer than either living with anger or trying to win the legal lottery. However, I doubt having Americans pay into such a system would work; the culture is against it and the trial lawyers would kill any bill.
When I became a patient, after a car turned in front of my bike, landing me in the hospital, I probably could have had some money, but I kept telling myself over and over not to blame the driver. I didn't want to be involved in what I thought was toxic. Compensate it quickly and reasonably. I don't know what pain and suffering is worth--it's not zero, but it isn't a million, either, a third of which goes to lawyers.
Thank you for informing me how at least one province in Canada does it.
8
@Mike S. The downside of BC's car insurance (which is a corporation owned by the provincial government), is that one's insurance company is NEVER and advocate for the client. And most of the time, they are dealing with two vehicle owners' that are both insured by the corp. In this case ICBC (Insurance corp of BC). In all cases, ICBC acts to protect its own bottom line.
Hence, people like me who've been hit (and not at fault) have to hire lawyers to get payouts to cover physical therapy, last wages, etc. Gawd help you if you are a self employed person, or have underlying problems that medically prevent you from healing within ICBC's 'allotted time' for healing, and therefore, fir on their settlement scale. The last time I was rear ended, they said 3 months. In fact, it was a year and a half before the headaches subsided and I could transition to normal activities. That's why I hired a lawyer--to sue my own insurance company.
This may be better than what you have, but it is still a system fraught with problems.
I'm very surprised the LW considers they don't need the settlements offered. I suggest they take them and wait. Things do pop up over time.
1
The letter writer may not have a moral obligation to tell his (or her) boss about his progressive condition, but in my opinion it's clearly in his interest to do so. As his condition progresses he will be less able to accept assignments, he may have frequent absences, he may decline office "social" events -- all of which may be chalked up to being "not a team player."
This happened to me and I lost my job not because of the disability but because I hid it, and my job performance suffered. If I had been honest, I would have had the protection of the American's With Disabilities Act. I might not have been able to keep the same job, but my company would have been obligated to find me one more suited to my condition. They could not legally have fired me with a flimsy excuse like "not a team player." Actually, they could have -- but at least I'd have had grounds to fight it on. It's in this writer's self-interest to be honest about his condition.
24
Yes - but, when faced with a progressive medical disability - time becomes more and more precious. Who would want to spend remaining active days /hours /months fighting a legal battle because their position was wrongfully terminated and /or they were discriminated against in the workplace.
Workers have ZERO protection in our culture as is, and in this case in particular- the writer is the vulnerable party. Therefore their own self interest should be paramount. If that puts the boss in a temporary rough spot - too bad. That is nothing next to fighting such a battle, which impacts a patient in every single part of their life.
19
@Christine I agree. I understand the emotional commitment to the mentor. The more vulnerable person needs protection. I would seek the advice of a really good labor lawyer.
6
Regarding the accident victim, I experienced something similar. I was hit, I healed and I won a $75,000 settlement, a third of it going to my lawyer. In my case, the driver blamed me, the cyclist, but we proved that I was not to blame. Still, the money seemed excessive. Lo and behold, some 25 years later, I have an issue in the same spot that bore the brunt of the impact that has impacted my ability to drive for more than a few hours. I no longer feel conflicted. So you just don't know, but I understand and empathize with the writer.
34
Sorry to be in the minority, but I think there is a responsibility to inform the boss of this condition. Perhaps this would not be the case if the job was just going on as usual. But here we have a case of someone (the boss) investing in an employee and grooming .them for a more responsible position. It is , I believe, responsible to inform them of the actual situation.
19
@DAN
The counter argument to this is that this boss, no matter how wonderful, may not be the boss six months from now, or next week for that matter. And, his/her eagerness to mentor this particular person could change when someone new comes along, or when his own higher-ups pressure him to do so, or when HR learns of the situation, or when upper management changes, which could also be six months from now, or tomorrow.
At work, you gotta look out for yourself first. Just the way it is.
40
But if you were the boss, would you want to know? What's happened to treating others how we want to be treated - the Golden Rule?
1
@DAN I disagree. I think, while the job is still being done, there is no moral obligation to disclose. There is no protection for the employee.
8
Re: the first letter...I'm intrigued by the ethical discussion...and I know that's the purpose of this column, but I think you taking the most ethical path of being completely forthcoming with your employer makes sense only if that person, his/her superiors, the entire industry, and pretty much the world all operate with impeccable ethics. If you don't feel certain that this is the case, then keeping this job, whatever that entails, should be your only aim.
With a progressive disease, the hope is that you'll do well not only in terms of how long before the disease really affects your day-to-day, but also, importantly, how long you will live after that. And what will your quality of life be. Financial matters play heavily into that...
Many commenters rightly raise concerns re: losing your job due to the medical condition (even though this is generally illegal); Now think about trying to find a new job after that happens. On that day, would you possibly regret speaking honestly re: your boss (at that minute!) about your condition?
Today and in the future you will need...n-e-e-d...those benefits. Including not only medical but, importantly, any company-provided disability insurance which could provide income (in addition to SSDI) for years.
40
As to LW2, when a person is injured (to whatever degree) by the careless (perhaps even reckless) actions of another I suppose the feelings of the victim on the subject of compensation are affected by one's feelings of self-worth.
It's easy to ad up objective losses, like medical bills, lost wages, cost of car repairs, and such, but I think things like physical pain, emotional suffering, loss of enjoyment of life, fear for the health of one's child, anxiety over loss of future earning capacity, worry over development of premature arthritic or other physical changes caused by the trauma are very real and not trifling.
Of course the writer is free to forego compensation if they do not value their losses of all but the objective calculable dollars and cents, but to suggest there is some ethical issue with seeking to be fully and completely compensated for the careless conduct and damage caused by the at-fault driver says more to me about the poor self image of the victim than any "taking advantage of the situation". By all means, let the responsible driver waltz off with no consequences, and offer up your uncompensated pain and suffering to atone for your own shortcomings in life.
2
@Ben
Poor self image of victim? I see her as a socially responsible individual who recognizes that as a society we pay increased insurance fees because of increased payouts due to litigation for minor injuries. The emotional trauma listed in your comments for minor injuries speaks to a society that lacks a backbone. Or, perhaps over zealous litigation lawyers wanting more gold in their pockets have fuelled a ‘poor me’ society.
2
@Ben "Poor self-image"? "Shortcomings in life"?Are you serious? How about a caring, compassionate citizen who understands that not all peoples' needs are the same, that an equitable system is fair to all despite their financial state or sense of self-worth? I agree they should keep most of the money (a donation to MADD sounds good too). A sense of community and we're-all-in-this-together ethos is the Canadian way. An American denigrating that national strength is just ridiculous.
5
@Ben I think you have a warped perspective on this. It is very ethical to not want to take money not needed. The thing is, while it may not be needed now, it might be later, years down the road.
To diminish an altruistic attitude is very sad. Her attitude is very Canadian. Yours, very not.
5
I will say this...after a hellish job where a boss befriended all of us and promptly became a different person when her personal life became publicly embarrassing: I am friendly with my boss, but we are not friends. At the end of the day, my loyalty is to my family, and hers is to hers and the job that pays her.
While I have a civil service job and protections are better than most due to unions, I still keep my mouth shut about what is none of their business. Until it is.
40
@embellishedlife . But your work performance IS their business. Accepting being groomed for more responsibility when he knows he will be unable to perform it is its own dishonesty.
@Lee Herring
"Accepting being groomed for more responsibility when he knows he will be unable to perform it is its own dishonesty."
Nonsense. In most workplaces, it's not just one person who's going to be "groomed" (at least, not if management is competent) at a given time for a given role. It is well understood - because it is, in fact, obvious - that any one individual who is "groomed" can leave at any time, and/or someone better could come along, and/or the person doing the grooming could end up leaving and the newcomer decides to groom someone else, or the person being groomed dies or whatever.
It's folly to imagine that because you perceive yourself as being groomed for a particular job, that means you're going to get that job, or that this somehow makes you irreplaceable, or less vulnerable than any of your co-workers. Who is being "groomed" for what can change on a dime. I guarantee you the employer is clear on this point, so the employees shouldn't be advised to stick their heads in the sand.
3
Second LW - I was in your situation thirty-five years ago. It was in Toronto; I was hit by a drunk driver and was slammed into the dashboard and my head went halfway through the windshield. I received compensation for the injuries I sustained at the time. While it seemed generous at the time and I seemed to have recovered from all of my injuries during the course of the following year, there were long-term consequences that manifest a full twenty-five years later all along the side of the body that took the brunt of the impact. This is a not-infrequent occurrence and it is one of the reasons that knowledgeable lawyers try to look ahead when negotiating a settlement. Also at the time I was injured the tide of public opinion was beginning to turn against drunk drivers and larger settlements were an acknowledgement of the havoc they wreaked and served a social function.
17
@lilliofthewest . Agreed. I would also add that, rather than fund a charitable organization (despite it's being a worthy goal), put that money into a solid financial instrument that will grow over time. That way, when the true consequences of the injuries reveal themselves, you will have a financial cushion to help if there are times when working becomes difficult. I was injured in a gym through carelessness of a personal trainer, and I eschewed any sort of financial settlement. Within a decade at most, I was aware that the damage done to my cervical spine was much more severe than I understood initially. Had I received even a small settlement, it would have covered the routine massages that are necessary to keep my neck loosened up, plus the cost of a host of OTC medications and salves and potions that I use just to get around on a daily basis.
15
The letter writer is not employed by his friendly boss, but by some government agency. Tomorrow, your mentor could retire or be promoted or be let go and he would not have his friendly protection. The government entity has rules in place that are not set by his boss. The employee should look into FMLA status to protect himself when he needs some time off. He may also one day need an accommodation on the job, especially if extra duties or travel is being added. The employee has no obligation to share medical information, or a potential change in his health some years down the road, with his employer. He is doing his job and doing it well.
44
I thought of this analogous situation: Does a company have an ethical responsibility to warn employees that the company has engaged in a business plan that may slowly erode the business to bankruptcy in the next 3 to 5 years - and they might want to modify the way they work at the company, and perhaps leave?
100
@Roger Exactly.
4
Bingo!
3
No, not if you want to advance.
10
I don't suppose a Canadian has, or could, write a comparison between Canadian life and that of low income people in the US.
We keep on hearing, from American right wing zealots, that socialism doesn't work, that services don't exist or take to long to access...
Hugh
35
@Hugh Massengill
Canada certainly is not perfect - housing is very expensive in major cities. It varies by province but we have a higher minimum wage (about $14-15 in most provinces). Health care is provided. In Ontario, they have introduced more coverage for dental, drug, etc for children and young adults who don't have private insurance.
Most full-time jobs offer private, tiered insurance. Usually, the base level is free and the highest tier for max coverage for a family would be no more than 50-100 dollars a month. That is for drugs, dental, glasses, massage, ambulances.
You never get a bill at the hospital or doctor unless it is elective like a mole removed for cosmetic reasons or an elective special test and it's not very expensive, a $100-$500 maybe at the high end.
We don't have food deserts except in the far north. If you live in Toronto, you are no more than a few miles from a grocery store.
Overall, if you are low income or middle class, Canada wins in every category. Safer, cleaner, excellent public schools, maintined roads, libraries, fewer issues with police and more cooperation between jurisdictions, system for amber alerts, better wages, better programs for low income people
40
@Hugh Massengill
Canada certainly is not perfect - housing is very expensive in major cities. It varies by province but we have a higher minimum wage (about $14-15 in most provinces). Health care is provided. In Ontario, they have introduced more coverage for dental, drug, etc for children and young adults who don't have private insurance.
Most full-time jobs offer private, tiered insurance. Usually, the base level is free and the highest tier for max coverage for a family would be no more than 50-100 dollars a month. That is for drugs, dental, glasses, massage, ambulances.
You never get a bill at the hospital or doctor unless it is elective like a mole removed for cosmetic reasons or an elective special test and it's not very expensive, a $100-$500 maybe at the high end.
We don't have food deserts except in the far north. If you live in Toronto, you are no more than a few miles from a grocery store.
Overall, if you are low income or middle class, Canada wins in every category. Safer, cleaner, excellent public schools, maintined roads, libraries, fewer issues with police and more cooperation between jurisdictions, system for amber alerts, better wages, better programs for low income people
Oh, another good thing about canada, you cannot be fired for sex, pregnancy, disability, sexual orientation, race. It is illegal and you would be sued. Not saying it never happens but it is not a concern for most people.
10
@Hugh Massengill I'm a Canadian living in the US. I am a Software Engineer. In the US I make much more, and have a much higher quality of life as a Software Engineer at the expense of others. If I was in a less lucrative field, I would have a much higher quality of life in Canada. I'll probably move back to Canada to raise a family if something drastic doesn't change in this country.
21
LW 1 is a decent, caring person in a bad situation; her boss and mentor,and peripherally friend, is making a large investment in her with the expectation that his investment will pay off over the years. He is also not investing in some other individual who might prove to be the better long-term choice.
So who stands to gain here? A stricken employee who quite possibly will not be able to benefit from the opportunity? A boss spending the company's money on that person? The employee who misses the opportunity? The company which falls behind competitors because the boss made a poor deal?
The employee should level with the boss, laying all her cards on the table, and then let the boss make a fully informed decision. If he still wants to invest in her she can take it in good faith, and conscientiously prepare for and provide for her eventual replacement. She is to be wished the best of luck in any event. I hope it goes as well as possible.
7
@Mark
I disagree. There is no guarantee that an employee will stay even if the company is grooming him/her for a better long term job. He/she could leave if they get a better offer elsewhere unless it's stated in a contract. Any manager realizes this. There is also no guarantee that the employee and/or boss won't get laid off regardless of medical conditions. All anyone has is now; we can all get hit by a bus tomorrow or the company gets bought or go bankrupt. What if he/she is misdiagnosed? What if a treatment comes out that may delay the effects of the condition? The timeline of 2-5 years is very long and the employee could contribute a lot in that time. He or she should be vigilant about their ability to do their job and if the performance starts to decline, even slightly, consult with their doctor and address it then.
10
Bravo Bravo Bravo ! --
Finally - we have two letters from people with first-person ethical dilemmas - as opposed to the many letters complaining about the behaviors of other people -
And - concurrently - there are already many comments from people who have experienced the exact same - or very similar - issues, and their experiences --
Both letters express true ethical dilemmas - with no obvious "quick fix" solutions - which is the way it often plays out in situations such as these - and I wish both parties well --
Let's see more letters like these two, going forward...
42
Read the Americans Disability Act and see if it covers your condition.
12
@Karen Reed I would also seek the advice of a good labor lawyer. They will be aware of what the latest court rulings have been.
2
Don’t tell him!! Reasonable accommodations may be the law but the law also states that the employer is not obligated if the employer decides that accommodations are not to the employer’s benefit. In other words, you could be out of a job or advancement at the employers discretion immediately even though you are able to carry out your duties now. The employer could decide to put you in a position you can’t function in just to make you quit, etc. Meanwhile you might be functioning well for years without telling. I was in this position with rheumatoid arthritis and I functioned well for many years until I retired on disability. Your duty is to yourself.
53
@Karen Reed
I tend to agree … employers can (in most states) let us go without warning, without even a week's notice and without severance, and without giving any reason whatsoever. That context must be kept in mind, if one considers trying to do the noble thing and take a course of action in the best interest of the employer: it is highly unlikely that your employer will try to do what is in YOUR best interest.
In this case, the writer has a personal relationship with his/her boss, and it would be nice to think one could take that into account. But that boss might not be there six months from now. Or that boss might be overruled in his/her decisions by higher-ups or HR. So yes. At the end of the day the employee has to act in his or her own best interests first and foremost.
16
The ethicist's answer to LW#1 was a non-answer. Completely unhelpful.
29
@Bob ... I DITTO your comment on most of their answers. They typically are non-answers and Completely UNHELPFUL.
1
On the Canadian car accident thing, all I can say is “Wow.” About 25 years ago I was rear ended by an old lady who hit the gas instead of the brake. The impact herniated a disk in my neck and cracked teeth. I suffered from whiplash, which did not manifest until much later. I experienced extreme pain for two decades from that, and I still suffer from the aftereffects. I was compensated for the wrecked car — not much because the car was not new — but I got nothing for injuries...to me or to my dog (thrown into the windshield). Last year I was again rear ended, by a distracted (and arrogant) 19 year old in an $80k car. I had to wait almost a year to be compensated for my (large) deductible, I got nothing for my claim for other expenses incurred, and I lost many days of my life to dealing with the repairs and fighting the horrible, spoiled teenager’s insurance company over those other expenses.
You get in an accident that was not your fault, here in the States, and you are on your own.
So, Canadian people, just thank the stars or your God or Mother Gaia that you live in Canada and have those generous benefits! If you feel guilty, donate the cash to a good cause.
57
@Passion for Peaches
Not all provinces have provincial insurance. In Ontario they are private companies. I have never had an injury but I have had fair payouts for damages within a few weeks.
It has nothing to do with a higher power and everything to do with SOCIALISM. We belive in treating people fairly and providing safety nets.
41
@Jane
We can't have Socialism in the US. That would be Anti-American!
(Except for police, fire, parks, the military, bankers' insurance, schools, colleges, and a host of other things.)
Land of the Nickeled and Dimed. Home of the Despairing!
4
@Jane, Canada is a Federal Parliamentary Democracy and Constitutional Monarchy. A federation. It is not socialist. It does have universal medical care, which some call “socialized” health care. But this is not “socialism.” Do not misuse that word. That kind of careless, imprecise talk is what tricks the less intelligent, gullible voters here to cast their ballots for Bernie Sanders. Most of his supporters have no idea what he is truly talking about.
1
I would ask an employment attorney how to handle the disability situation before you tell the boss!
The employer could drop your insurance when they let you go. It happened to a good friend of mine who had metastatic breast cancer.
45
@Lynn , I completely agree. The manager may be a friend and a mentor but they will not be the ultimate decision maker - I have a lot of experience working as a senior manager my entire career in a corporate environment where there has been at least one of these individuals per year. Corporations will determine how they can stay within the law and arrive at the outcome that is the least costly for them. I would want to know ahead of time what those boundaries are before disclosing.
Letter writer 1: as far as when you disclose: I would advise against it until a situation comes up where your impairment prevents you from performing some aspect of your job. That will give you enough time to figure out a strategy that protects you. Your manager/friend/mentor may be able to influence the path the corporation takes, but more than likely it will be out of their hands.
33
LW2 : What a compassionate soul you are ? Come to india, even after awarding the best compensation, they will appeal to the highest order of courts and still bicker for the compensation they would have been awarded.They even go to stooping levels with no remorse of rejecting the already magnanimous compensation they would have received already and instead go for an appeal in the highest court of the country. Insurers in india too fight equally so that the beneficiary doesn't get a compensation,but this is the first time i hear that a beneficiary feels guilty for receiving a generous compensation and also finds guilt of himself spending too much public money. I wish you get well very soon and as others suggested, save it for your child's education.
6
In my opinion, what makes the employee morally obligated to inform the boss about his or her condition is this: “I recognize that some of the potential requirements of my new job — frequent travel, increased responsibilities, extended time away from my instrumental supports — may be unsustainable 12 months from now, if not sooner.” You accept a job because you agree to the responsibilities and know that you can do what is required of you. You accept promotions for the same reason. If you know that your ability to perform will diminish, you need to tell the boss so that another employee can step up and take care of all that. If your boss is a kind person (a good mentor usually is), perhaps he or she can allow you to move into a job share arrangement, with someone you mentor. That person can eventually move into your job. However it turns out, the right thing to do is speak up. Trust is a fragile thing.
4
@Passion for Peaches I totally agree that this is the only ethical choice. How is it ethical to accept a job or promotion when you know that in months you will be unable to perform some of the essential functions? It would be good to have prepared a plan to discuss with the boss for how you could work with another employee if that is a reasonable option.
@Irene
"How is it ethical to accept a job or promotion when you know that in months you will be unable to perform some of the essential functions?"
That is a different ethical scenario. This person already had this job when she got the pessimistic diagnosis.
2
LW#1 Ethically you have a responsibility to inform your employer. Realistically you could be subject to termination or harassment until you no longer can perform your job or quit. Your employer may seem like your biggest booster now but when (if) things change I wouldn't count on it.
17
To letter writer 1: Your boss will find out eventually, plus he will find out you kept your condition secret for a long time. He may feel hurt and angry. You need to implement a succession plan so that your replacement will be better able to take over when you can't work anymore.
3
I didn’t have to tell my boss about my new health condition -I was in the hospital for three weeks for a spinal cord injury as a result of an infection. It almost left me a paraplegic but against the odds I regained most sensation (ie PAIN) back except for the saddle area - called cauda equina - with the very painful and embarrassing side effects which my boss mocked in front of work colleagues and took full advantage of in his efforts to get me to quit after 22 years of highly productive work.
He intentionally put me on two pointless overseas business trips and one cross country flight to a trade show in his effort to get me to quit. I persevered but was eventually fired so he could getaway with stealing a significant portion of my earnings I accumulated over 6 years that he refused to pay.
At least he credited my three weeks in the hospital as vacation time, not sick leave.
NC is a right to fire state so I have no recourse. American capitalism and healthcare at its best!
64
To letter writer 1: the best wishes going your way and hopefully your health issues will stabilize. I too have health issues that would prevent me from working in an office; however, by telecommuting I can be extremely productive, at least as much if my health were good. If at all possible, try to sell your employer on the benefits of telecommuting, such as lower overhead for him - and in the time of the corona virus, he might be quite receptive. Good luck.
14
Lw1:
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am currently unable to work due to an autoimmune condition. The symptoms hit me fast; it wasn’t even two full months between when I felt peculiar until I could not fill my work responsibilities. My coworkers could see that I was increasingly and visibly struggling, not to mention losing work time for medical appointments; so once I finally got my diagnosis, and learned what a long and uncertain road I faced, it wasn’t even much of a decision to disclose everything.
My advice would be to share your situation with your boss. He may decide to train someone else as a backup for you should you be unable to work, temporarily or longterm. It was hard for my own employer to make do with my sudden absence (we are a small non profit agency), and we all wished that my knowledge of the position had been shared. And it sounds like you enjoy a good relationship with your supervisor, which would likely stay intact if you shared your condition. Having support from colleagues is invaluable during difficult times.
My best wishes to you.
7
LR1, I am so very sorry for your diagnosis. You sound like a strong, intelligent and rather remarkable individual. Kwame Anthony Appiah offers good advice. I encourage you to discuss this with your boss. I believe a good working relationship is comprised of being honest and forthcoming about anything that has long-term impact in your life and with your job. I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis and Systemic Lupus for my adult life. In most of my working and volunteer life I have found nothing but kindness and support. This had the added benefit of my working harder while reaping added untold benefits. My very dear friend, a lot younger than me, was diagnosed with severe MS 8 years ago. At the time she was a much beloved teacher in Maryland who, for health reasons, was needed to move back to her home town, with a motorized scooter and 24 hour nursing care. She has since become a superb volunteer in the school system. Three years into her volunteering the school valued her enough to offer her a part-time paying position. Look for the good in people, do your best, and allow people to be kind and generous. With every good wish to you, Letter Write #1.
8
LW1 I would not tell work until it is absolutely necessary. One economic downturn at the company and the employer has to make tough decisions, you do not want to be on that short list. Especially if they are on the hook for your insurance. Always best to protect yourself first. If they are offended when they find out, sorry it's business not personal.
51
I had a choice similar to LW1 in which a disease eroded my health until an organ transplant luckily put me back on my feet. I was hospitalized often and missed more work than our generous HR policies allowed. I decided to be open with my boss about the future despite previous evidence that they might use any opportunity to restructure my position and replace me. I chose to be honest early in the process because I would have been bothered otherwise, and we had the good luck to be able to set up our finances so we could survive if I never went back to work. I resolved that if the risk didn't pay off and I was unjustly fired, I would be happiest finding or creating new work rather than fighting to return where I wasn't welcomed. I was successfully transplanted, and after a period of recovery I got a big warm welcome when I returned to work yesterday.
20
Tell your boss so he can start looking for someone to replace you. (You can also change the word “so” to “and”).
As a boss in public service, that’s how my mind would work: how to replace you. How to do it within the laws and policies, true, but how to do it.
With that in mind, make your decision.
17
@Bailey T. Dog Wow, how compassionate of you.
8
@PrairieFlax
It may not sound compassionate but that's the way it works in the for profit sector. All done within the boundaries of the law, but companies will figure out a way to terminate your employment all the same. I'm a managing director and I've been in more than one discussion with HR and executive management on just this topic: How much are we as a company required to accomodate this individual? How do we demonstrate that we are not engaging in a discriminatory practice (this comes up when we're discussing laying off folks over the threshold for age discrimination, or folks who are not white men)?
Don't kid yourself about HR - they are charged with protecting the interests of the corporation within the boundaries of the law. Ethics is too squishy.
Just one of the reasons why I look forward to retiring some day. I'm done with all of this.
26
@PrairieFlax I think BTD is just telling the unvarnished truth and leaving the decision to the LW keeping that information in mind. Harsh but this country is harsh and often cruel to those in need.
14
My suggestion is to not tell your employer until you absolutely must talk about your illness. Once spoken you can not UNSAY your illness
Good friends are different. The question here is how much do you trust them to keep quiet. That varies person to person.
Live in the US it is cut throat here. You become invisible. Every comment and suggestion you have will not have the same importance after you let you employer know you have a potentially disabling condition.
55
Why are people eager to jeopardize their futures based on false assumptions & self-aggrandizement? Life guarantees nothing.
LW1 has gotten a promotion during 2 years - nothing exceptional. Her boss is not her friend. She has a chronic condition that may or may not follow a fixed course. New treatments may change the outlook or she could be hit by a bus tomorrow. She can't foresee the future.
She also makes the assumption that the boss intends to stay in his position & has a grand scheme of which she is an integral part. For all she knows, he may plan to move, quit, or retire or he could be fired. Her first duty is to herself. Until she is unable to perform certain job functions, she should not say anything to anyone at work.
The sum LW2 received is dictated by government regulations & was sought because her family didn't know - AND STILL DOESN'T - the long-term effects of the "very traumatic" accident that took place ONE year ago. Her neck injuries & the psychological impact on her son may worsen. The family currently isn't desperate for money & she assumes that will never change. Appalled as she may be, she's very short-sighted & cavalier re the future physical, mental & financial health of her family, especially her children. The suggestion to divert these funds from her family - especially the child w/psychological effects - to a charity contradicts Appiah's advice to LW1: you (& family) are top priority.
87
@knitfrenzy Exactly. LW1, or the boss, or the boos's boss, or anyone in the company could step off the curb at an inopportune moment before the anticipated decline. Where would that leave her, having disclosed her condition to a supposed "friend"? Work is work. Friends are friends. Don't think they're the same. (A voice of experience)
53
I would also admonish both LW1 AND the Ethicist that HR departments exist to protect the interests of the company be it public or private. They are not employee counselors! Share that information with HR, and I can pretty much guarantee that they will view you as an expendable liability going forward.
82
@knitfrenzy Very interesting discussion. I opted to not pursue damages after a mobility altering mishap at a physical therapy practice. This was 3 years ago, and I feared I wasn't up to the stress that a legal process would involve. After reading these responses, I wonder if it was/is really the smart course of action.
2
LW2: You should not feel any guilt about the compensation. If you are bothered by it then put All of the funds in both children’s college funds. Use it to educate them fully so that they have a lifetime of contributing to society and other victims of events such as this. In this way you can feel that you are “paying back” society, with interest.
30
It is comments like this that make me want to move to British Columbia-it is nice to be reminded there are truly good people out there and to them money is not everything.
28
@ConA There are truly good people in the USA as well, but so many of them are forced by circumstances and weak social supports to think defensively. If, after an accident, they can get a generous-looking settlement (of which the lawyers will get a share), they may still be lucky to have enough to cover their co-pays, lost income, and ongoing follow-up care, and will feel not guilt but relief over avoiding bankruptcy, loss of house, and such.
18
@ConA Hearing comments like yours makes me glad to be a BC resident.
About the car accident. It might be more helpful to think of the money as covering your neck injury and possible future complications from it. You are healthy and seem recovered *right now*. But you don’t know whether the neck injury will worsen as you get older. That’s what happened to my Aunt. A fall from a short ladder, which she recovered from ... but then she experienced problems later in life and chronic pain. The money for pain and suffering might be necessary.
21
I knew about the virtues of Canada’s healthcare system, but auto insurance, too?! What are we doing here?
58
This makes me want to move to Canada. I love Vancouver...
22
letter writer one: do the smart thing and contact askjan to get information about the americans with disabilities act, which may protect you if you need accommodations to do your job. you are not legally obligated to tell your boss about your illness, and frankly, you are probably better off not doing so, regardless of how warm and fuzzy you think your relationship with him is.
this situation plays out a lot: well-meaning employee tells boss about illness. boss is initially sympathetic, grants concessions, including time off. nobody mentions ADA. employee gets worse. work piles up. boss is upset, asks employee to get the work done. employee simply can't and gets fired. then employee sues.
keeping your own counsel and seeking information about the ADA will protect you both.
26
Years later, I still feel bad because my bosses stuck me in a role of being the bully to threaten a man who had MS to be more punctual at work. None of them had any compassion.
22
I have had multiple sclerosis for 23 years. Immediately informed my company upon my diagnosis. I never encountered any issues or problems with lack of accommodation on behalf of my employer. They could not have been more understanding. I strongly recommend telling your employer because of the legal and protective issues under the law. If for some reason they refuse to be accommodating, you have been open and honest. I think you will also be mentally more relaxed. There again this is just my opinion
12
As far as the employee with the illness, hiding an illness may be perceived as unethical and unfair to a boss who has a lot of faith and confidence in you. It is all in your approach. Reassure your boss that you are well and loving your job, but you received a diagnosis that "may" need accommodations down the road, and, most importantly, tell your boss you want to keep working as long as you can.
Also, don't listen to doctor's doomsday predictions. There are alternative remedies and treatments, such as acupuncture, and movement, like Qi Qong, and natural diets, that can revitalize your body, reverse or slow down progressive illness.
People in wheelchairs go back to running because they took charge and stopped swallowing what the doctors said.
I learned it decades ago from Dr. Bernie Seigel and his exceptional books, who witnessed his patients' mindset had more to do with their health than his diagnosis.
Visualize and believe yourself healthy and continue to thrive at work and enjoy your life!
1
That is some seriously terrible advice.
34
No matter how good you think your relationship is with your employer there is always some adversarial aspect. I would never reveal any information that could be used against me in any way, because you never know how it could impact your situation.
Nobody is indispensable at their job and if circumstance force you to resign voluntarily at some point you can and will be replaced. But your salary and benefits may well be indispensable to you.
So think very carefully.
28
I'm disabled.
My theory is don't tell anyone at work until you have to.
Do your job and enjoy it.
The time to tell your boss is when you need accommodation - which you probably will.
Wait til that day.
Waiting to tell him until you need to ask for accommodation gives you legal protect. If he forces you out now, he could argue it wasn't because of your condition. If he forces you out when you reveal your condition and ask for accommodation, you have a good legal case.
Just because you like and trust your boss, he may not be there for you once things get rougher.
Protect yourself.
104
Donate all that money to a local hospital or other charity that helps injured people! You don’t need it, but others surely do, even with the public insurance system in play.
1
I would not tell your boss about your condition while you are feeling well. First (and I say this as a doctor), predictions of disease progression are notoriously unreliable in any specific case - they are statistical models. Also, your boss, despite your friendship, is going to have conflicting loyalties. You put a great burden on him by making him decide between your new friendship and his responsibilities to the job, and some people will react to this situation by being more scrupulously 'fair,' that is, not protecting a friend who is also a subordinate to avoid the appearance of impropriety.
Are you close enough outside of the office to tell him about your illness, were you not also his employee? Without knowing your personal style, many people will not tell others about a chronic illness until it begins to affect their relationship in some way. It sounds like the expected disease progression will give you enough time to help train your successor when the time comes, which will be a great help to your mentor. I would continue to live your life to the fullest, revel in your hard earned successes, and don't cut yourself off at the knees before it's time.
I should have started by saying I am sorry for your troubles, and congratulations on your new job. Best of luck with both.
67
LW1: In addition to the ethical issues, the writer should consider the health insurance and disability insurance consequences of the decision about telling the boss. Best case scenario: the writer will have ongoing health and disability insurance. Worst case scenario: the writer ends up with reduced hours, and little, if any, health and disability insurance.
16
@Sue,
The writer already has a diagnosis. Disability insurance will be denied.
1
@Lori B Doesn't one file for disability insurance at the time they are actually disabled? This is not a case of applying for long-term insurance in which case the diagnosis would have to be disclosed .
What’s sad is that you have to worry about this situation in the first place.
With universal healthcare, it’s a nonissue.
18
@PC True on the healthcare but employment law, i.e. ADA, is another issue.
3
I had a disability that requires doctors appointments and occasionally short hospital visits. I continued to preform on a outstanding level. My boss understood and there was no issue. After six years I got a new boss. It was difficult to hide the situation so I felt compelled to tell the new boss. Six months later I was forced out by the new boss who began to bully me. I sued and got two years of salary. At that time I was 61. I retired years before I was ready too because I could not a new good job. Never tell your employer about a medical situation. It will only be used against you.
41
I’m not a Catholic, but I recently watched a Wim Wenders film about Pope Francis. Speaking to people of relative wealth in a world where so many people live in dire poverty, he said, “We should all be poorer.”
I think this is the what the letter writer is feeling. So, my suggestion is to find a way to give some, or all, of that money away to benefit other traumatized people who need the cash.
It will lift you up in a way a fatter bank account never will..
4
I had a health condition that made me unable to do certain physical tasks well which I thought I successfully hid and compensated for. Wrong! When I finally confided in my boss why I couldn’t lift heavy objects or work late hours, it was a relief for both of us. My boss understood and accommodated me and I had a weight lifted off my shoulders. I think if your boss is as kind as he sounds, you should tell him. If you are concerned that you have known for a few years without telling him, don’t be. None of us as any idea how a medical condition will impact us until we experience the effects. You can just let him know that you are beginning to notice it’s impact and you don’t know what the future holds. I beat the odds, you might too!
3
I have the exact same issue (except the potential death, I hope) as LW1. I spoke to my boss and to my HR department and they have been great at giving me the schedule flexibility and ability to work from home in order to deal with this.
At the end of the day, you need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do in order to do that.
Also, if you have a chronic disease, you are covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and they are required under this law to make 'reasonable accommodation" in order for you to continue doing your job. You also are possibly eligible for FMLA to protect your position.
6
Maybe I'm naive, but can't LW1 tell her mentor in confidence of the ongoing issue? It may change (and should change, probably) how he/she continues to mentor her, but wouldn't disrupt her job from the point of view of HR and higher ups knowledge.
Its a terrible thing, but perhaps LW1 is still in a bit of denial? (Understandably).....Perhaps get a second opinion from doctors totally unaffiliated with the doctors who diagnosed her originally? If she wants to do that, do it before telling anyone else.
Good luck to you.
LW2: I also live in British Columbia. About a year ago my wife and I were also in a car accident for which we were found to have zero liability. We were also uninjured except for bruises and soreness. It was also emotionally fraught for us (a dark rainy night, rear-ended, eight cars in total in the accident, multiple police cars, ambulances and tow trucks, about two hours in the rain at the roadside). After the same small deductible, our car was also written off as a total loss, and we were cut a check by the same public car insurance company. No "pain and suffering" award for us. Yes, no question you should feel appalled about taking all that money out of the public insurance system. That feeling you have that you are taking advantage of the situation is correct. In the year since your accident (and mine), the provincial government has instituted reforms that will stop this kind of nonsense payment for inconvenience and brief worry (oops, sorry, "pain and suffering"). You should be ashamed of yourself, and you should follow KAA's advice to give the money away to people who deserve it.
2
@Mike - Why didn't you receive the same compensation for what sounds like the same type of accident? And why should the LW feel ashamed? It really comes across as "sour grapes" because didn't get the same compensation.
15
@Mike Why should the LW feel ashamed? She didn't cause or fake the accident, she is still experiencing pain, she did lose her car, and most importantly, she didn't set the amount that the system gave her. She should keep it against her and her child's future medical bills, as it was meant for, and donate some to a charity if she feels so inclined.
11
As for disclosing your diagnosis, do not. I did something similar in my late 20's under similar circumstances and my boss went from cherished supportive close friend to no longer speaking to me. Why? Because he went to HR and HR, illegally, informed the higher ups, and when I came to work the next Monday, I was summarily fired with cause, a cause that didn't exist before I disclosed my medical status. They fought unemployment, they even fought cobra.
Many years later, my former boss apologized and admitted that the "cause" for my firing was made up in a meeting he was at. I thought about suing, but the evidence is not on my side and this was years later.
Unless your boss owns the business, do. not. do. it. or you will rue the day you did so.
.
37
Of course not.
Never tell anyone anything.
The people in your office are not your friends. They are your co-workers. Treat them politely and cooperate with them, but expect nothing more than that from them.
50
@Jonathan Katz
Yet no one seems to understand that.
14
@knitfrenzy
one million percent agree
keep quiet until you have to
your boss is loyal to the company
NOT to you
been there, done that
most import is preserving your health insurance
4
A friend and a trial lawyer had noticed his Dx of Parkinson's was being noticed and agreed with his family as he started shaking from his illness it was time to tell the large law firm that he had PD. .
A shaking attorney in trial would possibly have been not in the best interest of the client, his law firm gave him the option of staying with the firm and working as a lawyer, researching law in the firms library, he was happy doing this ,the law firm was happy and he maintained in that position, till his retirement.
8
Don’t tell your boss. People who are understanding professional mentors do not always extend that understanding to medical issues and disability. I told a prospective employer (who was also a long-time professional mentor of mine) about a medical condition in the name of “trust” and “honesty” and got thrown under the bus. I also had a boss assassinate my character and try to get me fired when he found out that I had a medical issue.
30
If you have a trusting working relationship with your boss, playing short-term selfish tactics will destroy it. Your job may be protected by the ADA, but if it becomes just a grind after that, because the trust that makes it enjoyable is gone, is it really worth it?
I am going out on a limb here, but I suspect the disability you are suffering from is an autoimmune disorder, like Lupus or MS. I would advise taking your boss into confidence now so he can make contingency plans also to cover for you, rather than having to scramble when (not if) you suddenly drop out some day for a while.
5
@Captain Nemo Very, very bad advice.
3
My husband, who died recently of a progressive illness, worked directly for the CEO of a mid-sized company for almost two decades. When he was diagnosed, he didn’t announce it at work, but it never occurred to either of us to keep it a deep dark secret either. He was “let go” in the next round of layoffs, at the age of 55. He never worked again. Needless to say, his “retirement”, and now mine, are not what we envisioned.
Workplaces are not your friends. My advice is to say nothing for as long as possible. When you start to need accommodations, document every conversation, in case you need to prove discrimination.
109
LW2 should keep the money for several reasons. In addition to soft tissue injuries taking years to materialize, there could be unintended consequences to giving back some of the money. It might send the message that the system is overpaying, which could result in smaller payouts for future injured parties. What if she found herself on the other side of the coin, feeling under-compensated?
If she can't square the payout with her own family's pain and suffering, perhaps giving away some of the money to charities, like ones that help fight the legal battles of individuals that can't pay, would alleviate her guilt.
15
Regarding the employee’s long-term illness: don’t say anything yet.
I developed life-threatening cardiac issues 20 years ago, although I think I had these issues, undiagnosed, as far back as kindergarten.
As a Director at a billion-dollar well-known company, I thought it was my responsibility to offer full disclosure. In all honesty, I did it for selfish reasons — I thought the company would reduce some of my heavy workload.
Do I hear everyone laughing?! No, they didn’t reduce my workload; they INCREASED it, probably hoping that I’d succumb to the pressure and resign. That would have saved them a lot of money.
And after a few years, I did indeed succumb to the pressure, and I retired early. I should’ve kept my trap shut. Human Resources was of absolutely no use whatsoever; their function is to protect the company.
120
@David G
HR have been rightly called “the shock troops of the corporate elite”.
8
Letter writer two should keep the money. I was hit by a car and injured when I was a child. Though I was hospitalized, I seemed to recover well. I received a paltry sum to cover medical expenses and we thought that was that. Headaches and low-back pain began when I was a teen, of course attributed then to hormones. It wasn’t until much later, in my early thirties, that the migraines began in earnest. By my early forties, I was so disabled by them I wanted to die. It turns out the injuries I received as a six-year-old are to blame for my migraines, as well as hip and sacral pain we didn’t initially realize were connected to the accident—injuries that were glossed over because of the head trauma. I’ve spent many years suffering, much money spent on therapies, and a great portion of my life dealing with the repercussions of an accident from so long ago. The point is that you have no idea what is coming down the road. Keep. The. Money.
39
I had a "slip and fall" injury at a coffee shop. Physical therapy was covered. Their insurance company asked what I wanted as a settlement. I was puzzled , and then I added up all the time I had spent at PT and driving to and from. I gave the insurance rep a figure that covered the cost of my time plus a little for general aggravation. Interestingly, my figure was just slightly over the "standard" settlement for the injury. When you think about how much time this accident took out of your lives that could have been spent on working, having fun with your kids, etc. the settlement might look considerably more reasonable. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about it, and as others have pointed out, there may be repercussions down the road.
44
Is LW2 real? $65k before legal fees is not that much money. Also, she is worried about taking money from ICBC? It’s not even public money even if it is a Crown Corp. it is 100% self funded from insurance premiums just like any other insurance company and doesn’t take money from taxes (other way around tbh). Would you feel bad if it was All State paying you? That’s money taken from other people’s premiums too. I’m guessing no.
And just like any other insurance company, ICBC won’t give you a penny you don’t deserve.
Before you feel bad, learn how ICBC actually works.
18
In the end, a business is never about ethics--it's about the bottom line. Your boss knows this. You are dispensible. You might be the best person in the world for your job, but if you are going to cost the company time and money, it will all catch up to you--and don't expect HR to protect you: HR is to protect the company. Very sorry you have to deal with this, but ADA is a total joke and won't protect you. Read Toyota v. Williams.
38
MC: What if you told your employer now and you loose your job as a result. What if you tell him and you don't get as bad as you expect. Seems to me a reasonable course is to do the best job you can now and discuss it with him if and when you are no longer able to continue. Perhaps by then you will have a work-around you can present to him where you can continue in some capacity.
BC: Injuries have a way of coming back to haunt us as we get older. At some point down the road you may actually find the amount you were paid was far too little for the problems you may find yourself suffering. Consider the amount you were paid now as a form of discounted present value for the uncertainty of the future consequences of your injury.
28
No surer way to guarantee that your “dream job” turns into a nightmare, than to tell the boss about your condition now, since the course of your condition is pure speculation on your part and that of your doctor’s. Tell him now, and the transformation will stop, and you will be doing no more than what you are now, and probably lay less over time. I wouldn’t tell him until the need for an accommodation arises. I think your friendship feelings for the boss are interfering with your analysis of your situation. Does the boss consider you a friend? Gosh, that opens up a whole new avenue of concerns....
29
Doesn't L1 have health insurance via the employer? Because if so the employer is guaranteed to have access to the records. If it's a government agency and there is an unlimited pot s/he is very lucky and should try to hang on to the golden ticket. In a smaller private firm the insurance company is very likely to raise the overall bill to the employer and that could lead to some unpleasant discussions.
5
@Cloudy
HIPAA. This is not how this works; your employer does not have access to your medical records. Employers are provided claim information in aggregate. In small organizations, it's a flawed system for obvious reasons.
If the employer's premium is raised and that leads to an unpleasant discussion, the employee should find a reputable lawyer and wait for their inevitable settlement.
I am not going to provide citations. A quick google search will yield that what you're describing is a violation of HIPAA and the law.
18
@Cloudy
Not exactly. When a company has their renewal for medical insurance, they are shown the costs of the largest claims (sometimes with brief descriptions, not always, but never names) and the premium to claims ratios. There is specific medical information on FMLA and disability claims, but those are given to very few people, namely HR.
4
I am sorry that LW2 and family were in the accident. But if I was her, I would not dismiss the costs to her health so quickly. I was in a minor "fender bender" in the early 90s and came out with it with a stiff neck. Then. As I have aged, the effects on my neck have not ameliorated, quite the opposite, and I have spent many dollars on various treatment NOT covered by our public health care system. Accepting those payouts is neither unreasonable nor unethical.
24
LW1: it’s obvious many of you have not known someone who was fired for disclosing. She should not disclose until she has to.
LW2. Oh to be a Canadian. She should bank the money in case the neck and psychological problems get worse long term.
86
The Canadian mom must keep the cash. All of it. She gas no way to predict future effects. As one ages, problems you thought were resolved long ago will rear ugly heads. Your child may be fine now; when he enters puberty, learns to drive or becomes a parent himself, he may be overcome with debilitating anxiety. So may you. Keep it, save it.
28
I had been an IT contractor for a famous IT company for about 10 years when I got a "terminal diagnosis". I had to inform my client because I was put on supplementary oxygen. The client never made an issue of the hose in my nose, despite the company being known for the men in pinstriped suits.
Fast forward: though the doctors' prognoses (and the statistics) were dire, and despite having had 12 major and 10 minor surgeries in the meantime, resulting in my missing a total of a couple of years of work, 21 years later, I am still alive, and am still working in the same project. I found that honesty about my condition was well rewarded.
32
Re: issues raised by LW2, i would ask the Ethicist to delve further into the issues surrounding lawsuits advanced to see what you can get, despite lack of serious injury.
The US is litigious, a tendency is reinforced by insurance coverage which will not cover adequate payments without suits.
But I understand this writer's issue, and it is a little condescending to say, essentially, there, there, just don;t worry, your scruples don't matter because this isn't a large amount of money and its impact on the system is negligible.
Sure, she can donate some of her payment for good causes, - - but what of the core issues she raises over seeking such payments if you haven''t sustained injury ( lets' ignore the minor injuries for now, for the sake of argument).
Advice for what she should or can do now are onr thing: the question really is if she should be involved in a similar situation again - - what is the right action?
2
LW #1’s primary duty is to the public they serve. That duty is best fulfilled, not only by doing their job to the best of their ability, but also by developing and mentoring a replacement for that likely time where they’re no long able to serve. LW #1 has been so fortunate to have been mentored and supported by their boss. Whether one is leaving a job in a year or twenty, developing your replacement is a strong duty. Advocating this duty with your boss is a way to open the door to a more complete discussion of the LW’s difficult personal situation, one that plays strongly to the boss’s own commitment to the mentoring process.
19
First, LW1 says they changed from nonprofit to public service. As a NYer, I have never heard the term "public service" used in this context. Here you are either working for a nonprofit or the government; both are public service.
No mention of the ADA here. Would the LW's illness be covered under the ADA in which case they could not be simply terminated and reasonable accommodations would have to be found. The LW should investigate this before deciding what to tell her employer.
29
Regarding the insurance payout. In 2013 I was hit by a car while on my bicycle. The bicycle was damaged and replaced. I seemed to have healed quickly. However, over the coming months and then years, I developed cardiac issues (from a blow to the chest which led to an unidentified cracked rib and pericarditis) and then spinal issues. 3 surgeries later, I *wish* I had held out for a larger payout. What I received didn't come close to what I had to pay in medical bills. It might be worth it to hold on to that money for a while.
136
Regarding the second situation and the public insurance payout, I would consider the payments fair in that they go beyond just compensating for your own pain and suffering. The payment from the public insurance program is a result of an irresponsible driver who ran a stop light. I would hope, though the article does not say, that as a result of this action the driver at fault will have to pay more into the public system and will then be punished for their irresponsible and dangerous actions. It could have been far worse for you and your family. The lingering and long term affects may not yet be fully known. I would take the money and feel no guilt about it.
22
@Hootin Annie
Yes, premiums will increase, unless the driver at fault had a 20-year safe driving record, and there will be, probably, an offence-related surcharge.
2
LW1: The other part of the puzzle is that disease prognoses change. Brilliant new medical treatments arrive; integrative doctors etc. sometimes significantly help (I’ve known people whose lives and lifespans were changed much for the better by both).
A friend with metastatic cancer was given a year to live—fifteen years ago. Her boss was great and worked out a 3/4 job for her so that she can dedicate a week each month to the inevitable chemo and recovery.
That said, yeah, I think I would tell your boss if I were you, even knowing that my career could be at risk. Don’t dramatize the risks, because the people who’ve had it before you didn’t have it in 2020, with new treatments possible. Lay out how you anticipate dealing with any problems you can foresee.
I’m so so sorry you’re facing this; I’m rooting for you.
67
@S Turner
"even knowing my career would be at risk..."
Not a good thing to tell someone with a serious disability.
Disabled and sick people don't always have the luxury of making their first concern about the needs of others.
Her 'great' boss may wind up being a huge disappointment when he finally finds out.
19
In fact, the disclosure can protect one against being fired, as a friend with MS found. Her boss—in a private company—DID try to fire her a few months after she told him. She brought up ADA and that was the end of that.
As the LW noted, he/she does have protections under the law, and that’s particularly true in public service.
By “risk,” I meant in terms of future promotions.
8
Regarding the auto accident, I too was t-boned in an intersection when someone ran a red light and everyone asked me if I hired a lawyer. My leg was injured but my regular doctor and the emergency doctor assured me it would heal in 10 days. Well, its 18 months later and I still have major pain in my leg and have difficulty lifting it. I should have retained a lawyer when the accident happened.
65
Has the statute of limitations expired or have you already settled? If the answer to both is no, you can still get a lawyer, but don’t delay. The statute of limitations may be expiring soon.
25
"Yet my condition progressively worsened. I was referred to a specialist who diagnosed a chronic illness that will most likely progress to debilitation within two to five years (I am in the second year) and potentially death." This would have described my friend with a Parkinson-Plus disease. The progression of the disease even before debilitation made his life increasingly difficult. Stress definitely made his condition worse, but when he was happily busy he did as well as he ever did. I suspect the same would be true of whatever your disease is. Not knowing you or your boss, if I were to advise I would say: tell your boss about your condition, and ask that he let you keep working as long as you can; ask him to trust you to tell him if something is too much for you; and promise to be generous in training people who will pick up when you can't anymore.
I'm so sorry about your diagnosis. Some people get the short end of the stick. It isn't fair.
129
@Laura I appreciate your optimism - I really do - but as someone disabled by metastatic breast cancer, I know my own situation and that of hundreds of other women in my MBC community. When it comes to something as serious and potentially devastating as possibly finding oneself without a job, and the benefits (medical and, importantly disability insurance) that go with that, one cannot - c.a.n.n.o.t.- trust in the ethics and goodwill of of individuals or systems. Our social safety net is not strong enough to provide for someone with a worsening and ultimately fatal disease. This is a wonderful theoretical discussion...in real life, the LW should do everything they can to protect their job until such time as they have to go out on disability. There's too much at stake.
22
LW1 As a former manager who faced a situation involving the spouse of one of my subordinates I would advise sitting down with the supervisor and laying out the facts and prognosis. The supervisor seems from this account ethical. That the employee is in public service also likely means that there are safeguard measures if needed.
LW2 The award seems very reasonable under the circumstances. If she finds it ethically unacceptable why not a contribution to the charity or charities of her choice.
23
Regardless of any ethical obligation, my sense is that the letter writer will feel a burden lifted by telling the boss/mentor what's going on. Or maybe I'm just projecting, because I know I would if put in a similar situation.
33
@MB My daughter is going through a similar thing. Boss picked up on her physical issues and has done all he can to make it easier on my daughter. She is not likely to die in a few years but will likely become more physically challenged. The knowledge hasn't hurt her prospects at her job. It's increased their admiration for her grit and determination.
52
@jcs
My best wishes to your daughter. Such a determined, honest person would have a tremendous asset to any employer. I too am glad that I was open at work about my own medical situation. I have gotten overwhelming support, not only with work duties, but also personally - I have received cards, flowers, kind words, stories of what others have gone through, was taken out for lunch just today. It’s hard to imagine going through this alone and in silence.
4
@MB
good luck paying for health insurance when you have no job
been there
maybe there's a good disability policy already purchased, the benefits from which can be used to pay health insurance premiums
2
I imagine the first time the writer has to beg off a duty because of the disability and the boss asking, "How long have you known about this?" He deserves to know so he can have a contingency plan for when the writer can't fulfill requirements. Maybe he'll want to give the writer a mentee who would be able to pinch-hit when the time comes.
41
When I told my employer about my Parkinson's, that was exactly what they said. I think they wanted to know if I knew when I was hired a few years before. (I did not.) I was offended by the implication because it was a small office and we had all been friends for a long time. I told them as soon as I thought there might be job-related implications in the foreseeable future.
49
@Rosie Red
Courses of treatment change which is a valid reason for not sharing current diagnosis information.
Then again who knows. A friend with recent Parkinson's diagnosis then immediately received an aggressive fatal cancer diagnosis. Double unpredictable bad luck. Fate.
14
@Wonderdog
Or maybe he'll decide it's easier just to replace LW1 now. Never forget, your boss is not really your friend no matter how good you think your relationship is.
25