I feel sorry for this guy but I have to say that I don't feel sad about how his story ends. He had the opportunities that many who suffer as they age didn't have. "Life is what you make it", how true.
16
I feel desperately sad at Mr. Pannkuk's last statement. Makes me want to send a bottle of Dalwhinnie Winter's Gold to his retirement home. Staff could dispense a glass per evening because no doubt, that man is more in need of it now than ever before.
56
I think what is sadly missing from all these comments and the article itself is the fact that this man has lived a life without meaning, purpose, or close attachment(s) to anyone; a life largely wasted, in other words. How many of us lead the same sorry existence... For most it is not too late to make drastic yet necessary changes. Do it.
90
@Mikhail23 This man worked in high finance, traveled the world, made beautiful paintings, wasn't afraid to be himself in a time when it was risky to do so, and he probably had thousands of incredible conversations over dinner and wine. Who are you to say he lived a life void of meaning? Judge not, there is no objective 'meaning' and we're all just trying to get by.
620
I think that just because you personally don’t agree with the way he has lived his life, it does not make Mr. Pannkuk’s life devoid of meaning.
As you can see from having read the article, he has made many meaningful attachments throughout his life; all of his friends who cared enough to stage an intervention, his sister, Ms. Martinez who regards him as a father figure and asked local bars to not serve him, Mr. Cohen the artist who checked in to see if his friend was eating, Ms. Saxe who was going to take him to rehab and tragically found him with a catastrophic head injury.
In fact, Mr. Pannkuk was making “a drastic yet necessary step” as you mention, when a fall injured his brain so severely that unassisted change no longer was an option - his brain quite literally cannot create any new memories.
I believe that meaning and purpose are individual, there isn’t just one right way to live one’s life. Mr. Pannkuk’s life is not wasted. Empathy, not judgement, is what is “sadly missing” from your comment and yet utterly necessary in the world and specifically in the case of Mr. Pannkuk.
418
@Mikhail23 How can you judge the meaning of another man's life? He had close attachments and these friends intervened to help him. Drinking probably crashed his career but loosing the commitment of work that is satisfying can destroy you. I am older and live a solitary life where I now reside. Those close to me are scattered. I gave up drinking 15 years ago with the help of Women for Sobriety. But it did not stop me from being terminated from a job I loved too early. It has been a struggle every day. This sad story made me grateful that when drunk I didn't fall and permanently injure my brain. No matter how it all ends I know my life had/has meaning.
261
1. Medical power of attorney
2. Living will
3. Meaningful right-to-die legislation that includes dementia and mental health conditions
There are worse things than dying.
199
WOW - this hits to close to me, without the drinking part. viet vet, gay,Estranged from the family, maybe 3 kinda close friends, have my home & the best dog - 71 in march, and all the neighbors are younger and have no association with me - neve have talked to them - I do worry what will happen to me - IF something happens to me - tried some groups, they all end up w/ negative situations, so become a waste of effort & time.
Old soldier never die - they just fade away. YUP.
177
I work with people who have dementia. I see the pain those with dementia experience. I know the frustration that those of us who bear witness feel. What makes me so mad is that we know so little about what we can do. I experienced a simulation of what dementia is like. Dementia changes your perception of everything. It is not just that you forget stuff. The simulation lasted 8 minutes. I sat down at 6 1/2 minutes. I was lucky, it was just a simulation, but for those with dementia it is their life. We need a system that shares the knowledge and the tools about how to deal with dementia. Right now
120
There is a program for alcoholism, it’s called Alcoholics Anonymous. The only requirement for membership is that you have a drinking problem.
29
The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking.
114
@Ruby M
Another requirement is wanting to quit drinking
42
@Ruby M No, it is that you have a desire to stop drinking.
47
If he hadn't worked for many years to purchase a nice apartment and didn't have savings he'd be on public assistance, cared for by a home aide. Seems unfair.
73
@DLP Medicaid Managed Long Term Care. I'm sure if the Court thought he would be best cared for at home, the guardian would have been advised to have him on MLTC.
11
All that it takes sometimes is a bad or unsympathetic boss to derail your life. We are all on thin ice.
142
imagine going thru this minus a comfortable nest egg, a million dollar apartment in a tony neighborhood. try doing that.
136
As a journalist I find it absolutely unethical to write about the totality of a life of a person who is in no condition to give consent or even remember what he says to a reporter. A person who is not a public figure or has done anything of public interest of a scale that would put him beyond the common sense ethics.
It may seem to the reporter, the editors and us that we have put together the pieces that tell a narrative of this man's life, but we don't know. None of us can know his full story and he has no chance to tell us the missing pieces. We don't know if this man has lived a deeper, richer life than many of us here, but we sit here and judge and pity him. This is utterly disgraceful and honestly, silly.
316
my dad had dementia for about 6 years before he went into assisted living. He hid it well, with an enabling wife. He worked drove went to the stores.....and drank.
it wasn't until he picked up a gun that someone had hidden in the ceiling tiles at work held it up to his head and fired it into the celling that everything rapidly deteriorated.
He lost his hearing and that contributed to his decline.
and in all of that my sisters and I kind of accepted this strange story of this gun.
sometimes dementia is hard to see...believe it or not.
we knew my dad was behaving oddly but he had always been reclusive in a way.
That gun was something that no rational person would do.
34
Dementia respects no social boundaries, does not care about background, bank account, level of education. It robs you of your essence and shortens your life. Dementia is on the rise, and our societal means to deal with it are insufficient. If one has financial resources, "memory units" for chronic care are available, but for those with few savings, the options for care are limited. If there is a family member, the process of dealing with dementia is easier, but there is terrible stress on those who must take over the responsibilities of finances and coordination of medical care. If there is no family, the situation is dire.
Medical professionals need better training, not in how to diagnose dementia, but in how to integrate the medical problems with the social situation of the patient. I state this not only as a doctor who treated many people with dementia complications, but as someone who has had family and friends with premature and devastating dementia. Also, it is worthwhile to note that although the Alzheimer Association website is excellent, there are many types of dementia, such as fronto-temporal, Lewy body, alcohol-related, multi-infarction, to name a few.
The patient, while still aware, and the family of someone with dementia needs to understand the trajectory of the disease and what measures are necessary to protect the patient and to prepare for the inevitable decline.
53
I recently befriended a widowed 92 year old man who needed companionship. I am in my 50s and, in my head at least, without enough hours in a day. I decided to do this not because I am some selfless angel. Hardly. I did it because I decided I was being too selfish in my life, passing my neighbors and quietly deciding I had no time to spare.
It took some adjustment at first. He wanted way more of my time than I felt comfortable giving: weekly get-togethers, multiple emails per week, requests for me to read all his writings. But he meant no harm, and is a lovely intelligent man. And many of his tales of being a returning GI after WWII are interesting and help me appreciate his sacrifice and my fortune.
Eventually we came to an equilibrium. I didn’t have to tell him not to email me or invite me over so often. I just emailed when I could and shared my pleasure at our friendship. No drama. He eventually understood and accepted what I could offer. Now we happily share a news article or book recommendation here and there, and have dinner every month or two.
Two things surprised me about this ultimately rewarding friendship. First, it doesn’t require daily or even frequent check-ins with lonely friends to help ease their loneliness. Second, I had always felt the kid in me, because I have been a kid. Now I feel the 90 year old in me. I treasure every day more.
So, to my fellow rat racers with no time to spare, I recommend you try it out. Make a new old friend.
392
My dad would argue with his neighbors, drink, obsessively walk. when you asked him about his drinking, he'd say he did drink too much, meanwhile he had been drinking from the moment he woke up. It was a long journey for those of us who loved him to understand that it was brain damage causing the obsessive alcohol abuse, lack of impulse control.
32
Unfortunately which hasn’t been mentioned in comments is alcohol abuse is at the heart of this scenario.If people are so concerned about his plight a interventIon was in order a long time ago.A better choice he would be afforded.
14
@Jerry Fitzsimmons that happened many times.
14
@Jerry Fitzsimmons Did they not try this??? there is only so much one can do with another adult....and one woman friend even said she was spending more time with him than with her own child, and another said they had gone around to his favorite bars to request they not serve him...so....one can only do so much. I am really sorry he is essentially alone in all of this
29
As a previous bar owner, manager, and bartender, I feel quite disgusted with the Lion's management's and staff's behavior. Good that this place is gone now.
58
Trying to help aging relatives with dementia means you are working against laws that increase the problems. Add a relative with financial motives and you really have a challenge. Five years of my life, considerable effort, and financial output to legally aid my mother (minus any alcohol involvement thankfully) failed. The legal system is clearly not set up for healthy outcomes.
How sad for this man but also how sad for the friends who had to step back. You cannot go down with this ship without endangering your well being and those who support you.
36
So sad. Even sadder are the many, many elderly single people who do not have any of the financial advantages and support systems that this man does.
65
Wow, beautifully written article. This is journalism at its finest. I enjoyed reading this so much.
84
@Philip Linder
I agree. Well written and touching.
23
How sad.
Ecclesiastes 9:11
“I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.”
King James Version
73
Is there any way for people who know or fear that dementia is coming for them to prepare their heads so that they will have fewer problems and make fewer for those charged with their health and safety? If such training is possible, it should perhaps be required.
28
Such a sad "drunken" ending. I remember passing his seemingly serene apartment on West 9th St and gapping at the large "Picasso" paintings visible from the street. Saying to myself, "could they be real?"
33
I liked this story, but between this and the article about the man who murdered his wife with dementia, I’ll be working on some kind of document that clearly states my wishes in the event that I’m mentally impaired—don’t want to be killed, don’t want to be written about.
50
Well done, Wilson. Your writing gives readers necessary respite.
16
All in all, he had a good life.
18
How can this person be 68, but born in 1948?
Interesting though.
9
@Timothy, NY it probably had to do with the writer’s agreement with the family of not publishing until his troubles were settled.
14
My brother, although much younger than Mr. Pannkuk, was also a heavy drinker. His abuse of alcohol resulted in him being diagnosed with Korsakoff's Syndrome. Korsakoff's develops as a result of thiamine deficiency when a person who abuses alcohol can no longer metabolize this B vitamin. Symptoms include the inability to make short-term memories; loss of motor functions (my brother was found unable to stand up and had to relearn to walk); difficulty with estimating quantities of time, space, and objects; and confabulation based in memories of the past. Unfortunately, due to the stigma around addiction combined with the stigma around mental illness--and the difficulties of treating people who have a combination of addiction and dementia--leaves people with Korsakoff's often misdiagnosed and mistreated.
32
@Sister l was diagnosed with Wernickes in October. I could not stand, walk, talk and had wicked double vision I thought I needed another drink, but someone got me to the emergency room. After a long hospital stay, and much IV thiamine I had to give up my apartment and live with my parents...at age 59. I am slowly recovering and my Wernicke's did not slip into Korsakov's so God bless your brother, he has a difficult road.
55
I loved this article, which could be a real-life version of a William Trevor short story.
Compassion and empathy - much in need in this day and age...
27
Several of the readers have commented about the dangers of falling when you live alone. I’m an advocate for people who live alone - of any age - to wear a medical alert button. They shouldn’t just be for the aged and infirm. They could significantly help anyone in a fall situation, or can easily call 911 in the event of an intruder. There are several good monitors out there that don’t require monthly monitoring fees, but just a cordless phone nearby or WiFi. They can be programmed to call 911 or any phone number(s) you might want to have notified. If you are completely unconscious, they might not be effective, but many times, there’s enough consciousness and capability to press a button on a monitor. If you live alone, or are often alone in your home, think seriously about the benefits of this, no matter your age.
50
@Clyde , The Apple Watch is a good solution for those who are not elderly/infirm/homebound. It has an easy mechanism whereby you can summon help and if you take it hard fall it will detect that and check with you to see if you're okay before calling 911. The medical devices (a pendant with a button to push) are about the same price as a watch (factored out monthly) and only work within the confines of your house or possibly back yard. As you point out, falls with devastating consequences aren't the sole province of the elderly.
28
The sad thing of this story is obvious dementia leading to an inability to care for oneself, and the hospital just turned him out on his own. Adult protective services should be notified to follow up. If he could not care for himself medically and financially, he needed a guardian. Full stop.
18
We all will have a denouement. Some will be immediate (the "thank God he went quick and didn't suffer" type) and some will be prolonged ("it's a blessing, she's finally at peace" type) and most, somewhere in-between. It's odd, but we as a society look at a decline in health, family, finances -- you name it -- and think, "if only." But "if only" didn't happen. Life happened. Just as it will happen in its myriad forms to each of us. And maybe it happens in a particular way for a reason. I'm getting mystical, but somewhere in the cosmos, our lives, in all their glory, make sense. It's the writers of the greatest books who help us understand this.
47
@Nancy
My World lit class just finished “the death of Ivan Iliych.“
You would be heartened to find 19-year-old community college students in New Jersey gleaning much wisdom from its story of a judge realizing the shallowness of an unexamined and materialistic life.
32
@Nancy Your use of the word "denouement" is interesting; from context, it appears you mean "death." But "denouement" is a literary term that literally means "denuding." That is, it's the moment in plot when hidden things are revealed and clarified. That happens within this article and to some of the interviewees in the article--but not to its subject, who has lost the ability to experience more than passing moments of clarity. And as another commenter implied, the revelation might be taken as a violation of this dementia sufferer's privacy, to which he cannot meaningfully consent. Indeed, we all have our own declines and ends, to which others assign meaning.
13
Like Mr. Pannkuk I once thought I had it all. But each of us is vulnerable to our trajectories unexpectedly nosediving, even if the causes are not self-inflicted. Facing the discovery of a spouse’s long-standing but well hidden dysfunctional life and the resultant shattered family is a staggering punch to the gut (or blow to the head). I now find myself alone and forced to start from scratch well into middle age. My health is not what it once was. The safety net of companionship, care and financial stability has been vaporized. Mr. Pannkuk’s story and my own are poignant reminders that life and health and love and family are tenuous. All that you have is today and you make the best of it. Live a good life, practice the Golden Rule, and have faith that somehow your trajectory will turn and the future won’t be so bleak.
106
How terribly sad. Anyone without close family needs to consider their future and plan for it in advance. At least his valuable apartment secured him a decent facility to spend his final years. Most solitary individuals are far less fortunate.
51
I remember Paul with affection and am so sorry to hear what happened to him.
69
Great story, very thought provoking. Mr. Pannkuk sounds like a wonderful character. I wish him well in his new home.
27
This story made my heart ache.
A fall forced my Father from the last home he'd shared with my Mother-with all his precious memories real or rosy, but one of my sibling's determined need to control his passing with an overdose of pain meds while he recovered in a care facility left him on the losing side of a battle with dementia.
Still empathetic, sweet and deeply religious he'd amazed us all at his tolerance for pain - and betrayal.
I remembered the treks he'd insist we make after Mass to visit his own Mother after each hospitalization, Granny would weep, she'd clutch us into crushing embraces to her powdery vast bosom that left us scared and breathless.
I am ashamed anew at those last, sad years of my Father's life, how could such a man so revered in his community, church and family end up so alone?
When my Mother was dying, we'd ensured she wouldn't die alone, but years later the children he loved were unwilling or unable to spend those last hours for his watch.
Seeing him gazing out the window at a world he fought to save, knowing he'd lost the independence he once guarded so fiercely, that love seemed to have failed him...
Still I smile at the memory of him clutching his laundry tightly to his chest as he stomped out of the utility room in the years after my Mother laundered his courtroom collar tabs pink.
That is the last straw he shouted all those years ago.
Thankfully he'd had no crystal gaze and happily he is finally at peace.
34
I wish the author had included a picture of Mr. Pannkuk in his heyday. Nothing now can alter the tragedy of his destiny, but, all the same, it would have been nice to see him in happier times as well.
47
there is a photo on his LinkedIn profile https://www.linkedin.com/in/paulpannkuk
19
@Pam Jones you can click on the link to his LinkedIn profile in the article to see a pic of him in his younger days.
5
This story was filled with such empathy, warmth and obvious depth for Pannkuk’s situation. There is a whole generation of boomers retiring and they are not as financially viable as Pannkuk who luckily had substantial real estate and family.
And while his story is tragic, there are millions of them. For this reason, we need to have the right to dignity providing a choice in when we choose to exit.
57
There are people like this all over our country. Most need a legal guardian, which is best done by a family member. Depending on resources and circumstances, they may be able to live at home or move to assisted living. It's tragic, but all of us will need help at some time in our later lives.
23
I find myself reading New York stories about ‘Billionaire’s Row’ with contempt.
I found myself reading this compassionate story about a troubled human being with sadness.
And then I said a prayer.
59
Such a tragic story. I have spent a lot of time in NYC. I've seen so many stooped over elderly people, some with walkers or small stand up shopping carts, crossing large avenues on the UWS. I've helped them, knowing that a taxi could run them over. I think about how they probably live alone. Living in NYC is challenging enough. Things those of us in suburbia take for granted, like driving to the supermarket, are more challenging. New Yorkers usually rely on subways, walking, taxis, Uber and Lyft. Now think about trying to buy food when you have difficulty getting around.
My parents both lived and had careers in NYC for a long time. My mother's best friend, who was born in the 1920s was gay, although he kept it hidden until he moved to San Fransisco. He and his partner spent a lot of time at bars in the Castro District. Drinking at bars was a part of the gay culture. He was an alcoholic, and that ultimately contributed to his rather early demise.
Thank you for sharing this sad story, which also reminds me of Bill Holden, who was drunk, had a bad fall and bled to death.
43
I think you, Michael Wilson, are part of the kindness in this man’s story. Thank you!
35
This story is tragic. The reporter shows enormous empathy.
53
I think it means we of a certain age with a certain personality, should have an out! To combat the UGLY SAD people who
Say Are you getting paid for that? Does that pay? Etc! We should be trained to
End it easily!
7
great info about Mr pankukk
4
I was a chronic alcoholic when I got sober in 1984 at the age of 23. I’ll be turning 60 in a few months, and reading this story was yet another reminder of how grateful I am for 36 years of sobriety. Not surprisingly, I don’t see that any of this man’s “drinking buddies” are there for him now.
68
This a very good story. This is my world. I work with many similar people in similar situations. This story ends comparatively quite well. There certainly is plenty of room for sadness. His decline into alcoholism, the end of his career and his TBI. But, I can tell you that he's safe, protected and cared for. Many don't end this way. With friends, family and a clearly caring and knowledgeable guardian this is what should happen. I wish there were more stories like this. Sadly, in the fragmented and individually oriented society that we live in, all too frequently the endings are not like this, at all.
56
Who of a certain age can read this without feeling enormous empathy for a human being who has watched a 'bon vivant' life dwindle to dim, empty rooms, devoid of everything but the memories, even if only metaphorically?
Like Mr. Pannkuk and the rest of that vast generation that soared in long ago glories, Babyboomers, I acutely remember when life's losses were equaled, even surpassed, by the pluses. And I remember too how the merit badges of wisdom were bestowed on my life as, inevitably, that ratio reversed over time.
But if life is like a prize fight, I and my fellow travelers still have a round or two left. Always something to hold onto, with a steadfast grip until there're only shreds in our feeble hands, but hold on we will.
For young people, you should settle for none of this---that time is way over the horizon. For now, grab it, hold onto it and enjoy it.
And remember. Everything.
67
I knew Paul and had been in his apartment several times. He was always perfectly dressed, had the most beautiful hair, and his apartment was tasteful and exquisitely decorated. He was the epitome of a successful New York gay man. All the exterior polish couldn’t overcome something that was missing inside. I wish him well.
104
I lived alone in NYC from 1997 to 1999. My last apartment was in a gentrifying Harlem, on 145th Street. I took over a rent-controlled apartment after the previous tenant died alone in the bathtub at age 83. She decomposed alone in that tub for several weeks before the smell became unbearable. One of my neighbors was an octogenarian who stood my the front door begging people to buy food for him since he was unable to navigate the world outside.
44
Sad, but most gay acquaintances I have are problem drinkers, which has prevented me from forming closer relationships with them and I have long drifted away from Washington's gay neighborhoods, Dupont (which is perhaps less gay today) and Logan. I am a single gay man in late middle age who thankfully has a decent (certainly not high paying) job, a small, albeit well located apartment, and travel a little. I don't drink, never have. This article makes me realize I made the right choice. I feel bad for Mr. Wilson, as I am sure he drank because of gay society pressure to "fit in," but I wish he had planned for a better retirement. He retired too early. My hope is younger gay men can have active social lives without the need for alcohol. Of course, there is the "meth" issue, but save that for another article.
22
@Washington Reader my error. The subject of this well written article is Paul Pannkuk. My apologies.
6
@Washington Reader
Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease. There are plenty of gay people who don't drink. I invite you to widen your pursuits!
16
@Washington Reader Wow, the least informed, most generalizing statements I've heard all day/year.
9
How are the personal struggles and addiction of a private citizen fodder for a news article? Let him be and maintain a sense of dignity and privacy.
62
@Isitme I found this article very moving.
Many of us decline— and it is painful. Many of us acquire a strong sense of the fragility of our lives. Yes, he drank excessively— a dangerous choice. And in one moment, a fall with the worst outcome, and all his control and mastery are destroyed.
His “dignity” is a frail thing indeed, guarded only by the kindness of people around him. Uncomfortable for us to contemplate, but that means even more that it is something we should do.
26
Agreed! This made me so uncomfortable. It feels unethical. Let the man have his dignity!
16
“I felt I was maybe investing too much time in him...”.
(Hangs head.)
This story, minus the drinking, hits too close to home for me. I have a long history of bad falls. Several years ago I sustained a TBI from a fall where I slammed my head into a stone floor, when I was home alone. I had some serious mental deficits for months, but I have recovered for the most part (I am still not 100 percent, for either balance or cognition). So I have a deep fear of the kind of falls Mr. Pannkuk experienced. It’s fortunate that he had an appointment that day, and was missed, so he was found promptly.
I lost someone to an unattended fall. That was a slow and horrific death.
Please check in often on friends and relatives who live alone. It takes just one misstep or swoon to leave the, lying unconscious on the floor, alone.
107
@Passion for Peaches : falls are one of the most common causes of disability, death and loss of autonomy in seniors over 65 -- causing many to have to move into nursing homes, just as Mr. Pannkuk here.
I'm so sorry for your experience, Peaches and glad you are on the mend (from the lucidity of your writing, I don't think you need to worry about cognition).
You were fortunate to recover, but many people NEVER come back from a TBI.
Mr. Pannkuk's story is a tragedy; he lost everything including his lovely home. To end up in a nursing home is my greatest fear.
36
@Passion for Peaches
I fainted and fell straight down on Xmas Day 2015, fracturing my L3 vertebra, eventually resulting in spinal fusion surgery in 2018. And this was on padded carpeting. I would not live with stone or marble floors for a minute. They may be chic and de jour, but they can be dangerous.
20
Alcoholism is a terrible disease and it ends up alienating everyone, especially when the person denies or refuses help-it often becomes a slow, ugly suicide. So sad.
40
I'm curious about the times he lived through and wonder when homosexuality was decriminalized in the US / New York. (In England it was 1967.)
9
I took my last drink in 1986 after 20 years of serious boozing. I was lucky, as my employer intervened and sent me off to 28 day inpatient treatment. I was fortunate in that I somehow lost all compulsion to drink. In late October my girlfriend of 19 years died, victim of an ultra aggressive brain tumor. As I left the hospice where she died, I half expected to suddenly run to a bar-and I didn’t. There was no urge for alcohol, only grief.
118
@Jack Purdy I’m so sorry for your loss.
26
@Jack Purdy
Perhaps if Mr. Pannkuk's employer had offered a similar resource, the outcome could have been different. The understanding and interest of a work superior might have provided the motivation Mr. Pannkuk needed to take a different path.
22
Thank you for this excellent piece. Why did he not qualify for state-assisted care, to live in an institution of some sort? If he cannot take care of himself but can not afford private care, isn’t the next course of action for the state to intervene?
6
@Grace Mosqueda probably, but he had significant liquid assets from the quick sale of the apartment. It's not like anyone would allow that money to go to a family member or other heir ... that cash had be exhausted before the state starts picking up the full tab.
22
@Grace Mosqueda at the end of the story he's living in a facility that provides care.
6
@Glen Ridge Girl not his home....I do not trust "guardians"
3
Wow. A million dollars and the best the guardian does is find him a home, probably an assisted living facility, in Queens? Where will that million go? Sad. It's great that this is getting publicity.
8
@farhorizons the million goes to defray the cost of that assisted living facility, just as any cash assets would for anyone living in a similar situation. In that area as in most, the cost of full-time care will eat up that cash very quickly.
42
@farhorizons I’m in Boston but memory care units (locked units as described in the article) I’ve looked at for my mother are $8500/month. That million dollars would last a little less than ten years, if the prices are similar, in providing the specialized kind of care needed for Mr. Pannkuk.
45
@H.H. : I live in the Cleveland Ohio area, and that's WAYYY cheaper than either Boston or NYC, but a good Dementia Care facility here is at LEAST $7500 a month. Dementia Care is very costly as it is considered a nursing home, so state regulations apply and each facility has to be a "lock down" unit where the doors are wired and each patient has a monitoring device so they don't wander away (a real risk). It requires a higher ratio of staff to patients than basic Assisted Living.
29
Captivating reading.
I don’t find it sad at all.
Having lost my father at fourteen years old because of his alcoholism, I’m always looking forward to read stories like this, which I find inspiring and think they sort of validate my decision to not drink a single drop of alcohol in my whole life.
Congratulations Mr. Wilson.
30
Did no one else notice that the author shares a last name with the composer of The Music Man? Coincidence, or part of the story?
@wbnyc The composer of The Music Man was Meredith Willson, not Wilson. I had the pleasure of meeting him once in Los Angeles. I still think that The Music Man is one of the finest stage vehicles ever written.
13
@Paul Loved Robert Preston...Right Here in River City
2
Thank you for this excellent piece. I was professionally involved with many similar stories as an attorney. I’ve often thought that within five miles of the county courthouse there are a dozen or more people living in squalor, in various states of mental illness or substance abuse, neglecting their health, and heading toward an inevitable, tragic and lonely death. Nobody should forget that these are our neighbors and they are closer than you think.
105
This is a very good piece on what can happen to anyone as they age; a curable disease followed by a debilitating one. Similar stories are taking place all over the country. I didn't find this story sad; he had some great years, some not so great years and, now his money is paving the way to an O.K. future. What is really sad is that so many of us are not exposed to the aging process until we go through it ourselves. And, while there are many people in their 70’s, 80’s and 90’s living great lives, there are many of us who also need help. I would have liked to have known if he had any experiences caring for aging or sick relatives or friends.
32
A very sad story, heartbreaking:(
16
A beautiful story, the unexpected end we all fear.
26
Ah, the phrase: "drank himself to death..."
We don't get to be in our fifties without knowing a few folks who have done it in one way or another. It is rarely even this glamorous, with the nearly-real Picassos and the West Village apartment. Often there are children left in the wake, or other bystanders deeply damaged by the violent death that is sometimes alcohol's companion.
I feel for Mr. Pannkuk and for those I've lost to alcohol. It isn't pretty.
73
Very sad story, of course. But...why was it published? For a paycheck? For another byline? For...what? Usually something like this leads up to a GoFundMe or some form of wake-up call to the world. I have no idea why I read what I just read. That we are all imperiled by the lure of drink and drugs, and we shouldn't go there, and one guy did, and what a shame? Why this story instead of another about an alcoholic who became insensible? Perhaps it's a sore point with me. My father, once a proud WW2 vet, died in squalor, burn holes in his rug, a urine bucket next to a stained mattress with a single sheet and no pillowcase on the floor, the television on 24/7. But he wasn't an alcoholic and he probably never made more than $20,000 in a single year his whole life. He just went nuts.
Well, I guess I am grateful for my sound mind and body is all. But I expect to die alone, as both mom and dad did. "Old age isn't for sissies." At least this guy had a million bucks toward his care in Queens.
31
It is clearly a sore point, or perhaps you are just a little mean?
42
@Zellickson I'm sorry for your double loss, seems like you lost your father more than once. Perhaps you could write his story to illuminate what goes on in the darker shadows of lives lost before bodies.
25
@DavidB Mean to who? The dead guy? DavidB, I just came back from visiting skid row in Los Angeles on a motorcycle. There are hundreds and hundreds of filthy, ragged men and women and hundreds and hundreds of tents lining the streets. The smell alone is sickening, and there is TB and Staph infection, rape, extreme drug use, violence and to see it up close is to shake for the next 8 hours that this is going on in the USA my father fought for.
I am sorry this man hit his head and ended up in a nursing facilty, ok? But money manager, million dollar apartment, and high living. Some people DON'T get all those things and throw them away.
By the way, I used to go to the 12-step meetings at St. Marks in the 80s when they had them round the clock. The Phantom could have dragged himself there, but chose to drink to oblivion. Does any other fate await a drunk?
8
Michael Wilson did a fine job with this piece. Good research. Good writing.
However, where's the news? What's the purpose of this story? Why is Paul Pannkuk's life and times exposed in this raw way?
Mr. Pannkuk's personal life, his failings and his illness have been brought to the attention of hundreds of thousands of strangers ... for what reason?
I don't think this article belongs in The New York Times.
56
@Lan Sluder Did you read "A Beloved Neighbor Leaves the Building" (February 13)? It was a lovely tribute to someone the world would think wasn't important, but he was, as the title said, beloved by his neighbors and had a rich life rooted in his relationships with them. As someone commented here, There are a million stories in New York. The "beloved neighbor"s story was one, Paul Pannkuk's another, and sadly for him, the polar opposite. I love these slices of New York life. Mr. Wilson's piece is beautifully written.
146
Reason: compassion and empathy.
97
@Lan Sluder I am an old friend of Paul's. I thought it pretty sad that nyc papers covered the break in. But this indepth article about a man who cannot consent to its publication is very sad. Paul was a very private, sincere, thoughtful person. He has nephews. This will come up next to his googled name for the rest of time. He would not like this. Pretty sure none of us would want this written about us. Not sure why my friends cooperated.
95
Some of us, for whatever the “reason”, are in this alone
26
“Perhaps he needs the money. Some of the men live too richly for their purses, if you understand me. Fame would allow him large debts, but everything has to be paid back in the end.”
― Conn Iggulden
4
There are a million stories in The Naked City. This is one of them.
36
Thank you Michael for a tragic story well told.
15
Why not mention that he shared his Mason City, Iowa, birthplace with the author of The Music Man, a likely reason for him to have wanted to remember his name?
30
Good catch.
That must be the reason.
11
@GreaterMetropolitanArea I was born in the same Mason City, in the same year, as Paul. People trying to relate themselves to The Music Man is part of a struggle to achieve an identity, outside of a one-horse homophobic town, that is fraught with elements of inevitable failure. His drinking is a symptom of inner struggle that I'm sure his sister would recognize in her brother's story. If Paul could return to his roots for the sake of his mental health, he might take a geographical cure not be found in India or NYC, nor, for that matter, from a bottle. The town we grew up in doesn't exist anymore, in the sense that the whole world has changed. But returning to his roots, bringing with him his story to tell, might result seemingly in a miracle.
3
This is so sad..... I live in an HOA in No CA, surrounded by folks of all ages! About 6 mo ago, I was quietly enjoying my Saturday afternoon when I heard a pop! Thinking it was a firecracker, I went upstairs to see if I could see anything! Nope, but it was time to go do errands. I walked back downstairs and out to my car, turned it on and proceeded to the end of my street! As I turned the corner, the street was FULL of police and SWAT! I stopped to let an older lady out of her garage and as she backed out and proceeded to drive away in the opposite direction, I caught a glimpse of her face and confusion was written all over it! Long story short........ Apparently the little old lady was suffering from the onset of dementia as well as diabetes. She’d been released from the hospital earlier in the week to care givers....... Let’s just say that particular Saturday morning she didn’t recognize her care giver and went after her with a gun! The older lady shot once and fortunately missed EVERYONE! She went back into her home and no one knew where she had gone! They searched the entire property to no avail! Because I had inadvertently let her out of her garage!! Had no idea she was capable of such anger and violence! Sadly the situation ended a short time later with her suicide! I truly think she realized what she had done and figured she’d go to jail at 83 yrs old! No family, no children, no one but strangers to help her in her time of need!
29
@PaintladyPro1
! ! !
Hopefully all is resolved, now.
2
"... Barbara Martinez, a musician who was raised by her mother..."
Aren't most of us raised by our mothers?
14
@DD It was quite clear in the article that her father was absent, and Mr. Pannkuk was a substitute father to her.
13
I was raised by my father after my mother passed away. Any other questions?
8
@DD Probably meant a single Mother.
4
Sad and tragic.
This is the outcome for many alcoholics and addicts.
They believe somehow, in the back of their minds, that thy will just go out in a blaze of glory.
While death by alcoholism can be sudden and dramatic, that is the exception rather than the rule.
Alcoholism is much crueler. It is slow motion death.
First it kills you from the inside mentally and emotionally. Day by day, it takes your hopes and dreams.
So you drink more.
Then it takes your relationships with family and friends because no sane person wants to be around a drunk.
At this point, the disease has the victim isolated from anyone who can stop the madness.
Finally, it takes you internally but focusing on the body itself. The mind, the liver, the kidneys, perhaps a fall.
As the saying goes, "The chains of addiction are too light to be felt until they are too strong to be broken."
In this instance, money is an enemy. As long as there is money, the party goes on.
How many people are living this very same tragedy right now? Countless.
65
@Al Your comments are chilling and devastatingly accurate. Those of us who are or have dealt with loved ones on the trajectory that you describe know the heartbreak, guilt and anger that comes from watching this happening and at the same time knowing you are powerless to stop it.
24
Thank you Mr Wilson for writing a deeply personal human story. Please NYTIMES assign more human interests stories. The readers are speaking out.
32
@deon yes, altho a tragically sad story, it was refreshing to read about a human being instead of the monstrous fools in D.C. i'm sorry this man and his family are going through this.
21
Reality bites! Assume apartment cost $200,000, and assume fix up cost of $50,000, and also assume $250,000 standard deduction on single, no other dependents, ka ching, $sub total of $500,000 exposed to the taxman. Real estate commish, %8, on the total, balance forward, $800,000, then the State of NY and the Federales, why he'd be lucky to walk out with $650, 000.
I'd drink, too!
3
@follow the money Maybe the real story here is who's watching the money? The real estate agent, who is the cousin of the Judge? Makes $80,000-- no other work involved? All legal! Or is it? NY is so corrupt!
10
@follow the money Well, I guess that's one way to look at it!
1
@follow the money : OK, if you sell an apartment for $1 million, you don't walk away with the whole $1 million, obviously.
Still, it is a HUGE asset that dwarfs what most folks have in retirement -- which is more like $40,000 average (seriously!).
Also, it seems logical to think he had a 401K and other assets to pay for his nursing home costs….and Social Security too. At his income level, he probably gets the maximum for a single person which is about $3000 a month -- that own't pay for the whole shebang, but would contribute significantly to defray the total cost.
2
This article and those like it - so well written and worthy of thought are one of the chief reasons I subscribe to and read the Times.
29
Doesn't everybody know that this is how a life lived this way will end? Or just everybody outside New York?
4
@unpzzld
There are plenty of people who don’t drink whose lives end this way. Many have debilitating illnesses & are alone. We don’t know for certain what caused his fall. Luckily, you seem certain of how your life is playing out. If all of us could just do “everything right” there just wouldn’t be any heartache or pain in this world.
30
This is the story of Everyman. Alcohol, drugs, education or lack, wealth or lack all fall to the side. Aloneness, especially in a crowded city, spells doom to an individual who is a member of a social species. No man is an island, no matter how he tries to survive as one in a river of acquaintances.
God bless this human being who tried so hard to survive against the odds. And peace to those who tried to help or intervene on his behalf.
55
Captivating story with excellent writing. Just so sad.
19
Sadly, I had a friend whose situation was very similar to Mr. Pannkuk. He was charming, worldly, impeccable dresser, great musician - and an alcoholic. He suffered a fall in a bar and cracked his head open. He spent the last decade of his life using a walker and disoriented in time and space. Oddly, he remembered everything about music, including how to play his instrument. He was also very fortunate that he had someone in his life who was willing to care for him. He died last year of cancer - which I think was a blessing. 64 years old. Alcohol addiction is a disease and progressive. I'm sorry that Mr. Pannekuk did not get the help he so desperately needed.
44
This is basically an extened Metropolitan Diary entry - but that's not a slight, I'd love to see more. There are so many stories like this in the city, everywhere really. To have them told with care and empathy is heartwarming. It's great to see a relatively ordinary person's story told. I wish the Times ran more stories like this. Too often we read stories about sensational things and we're told "that's news." We forget that really those things are usually unusual. Life is composed more of stories like this; it's sort of sad that the wild and relatively rare things - a stabbing, a robbery, etc. - get all the attention when most of us are more likely to experience life like this fellow did - a modicum of pleasure and success (even if only modest) then a precipitous decline til we sign off.
67
Thank you Michael Wilson and the NYT for this moving account of Mr Pannkuk and his friends and family. I hope he is now well-cared for and well. A very moving essay, and a reminder to be in touch with those who may be facing challenging times, particularly.
47
Several -- random -- thoughts and comments.
-- Could he have had a neuro / medical incident or condition that caused the fall that resulted in the TBI?
Not that it matters much / anymore, as it seems the die is completely cast, but seems the assumption is he fell (due to alcohol?) and that caused the head injury.
When, perhaps it could have been the other way around.
I only mention this as any person is susceptible to some type of medical event, be it neuro (stroke, TIA, etc.) or as simple as a stumble, a missed step or curb, which could easily result in a TBI.
One's life can irrevocably change in a split-second.
-- Watching "This Is Us" with a lot of interest this season. The character Rebecca's 'mild cognitive decline' is a storyline that is both instructive and terrifying.
17
@jazz one
Excellent point. I suspect the cause of his anterograde amnesia is Korsakoff syndrome, caused by alcoholism. The TBI is a red herring.
12
Fascinating and disturbing article. Life and fortunes change on a whim.
I doubt this is of any consequence, and this may be obvious to some. Mr. Pannkuk was born in Mason City, Iowa. So was Meredith Willson. In fact, Mason City was the template for River City, Iowa where The Music Man takes place. So, it seems there is some logic to Mr. Pannkuk's scribble. To dive further into the logic of what his mind has become...there is quite a roadmap there. And, perhaps, many a story to tell.
44
Thank you! This article was written very well, and I see no benefit in the negative comments. We should all consider how we can ease the struggles of those less fortunate than ourselves, without making judgements of their choices.
57
I walked past his building countless times and wondered about the apparent museum pieces being displayed to the street, as if the owners wished to share their private treasure with the neighborhood. The mystery is now solved, albeit with the sad story that accompanies it. We must count our blessings every day, knowing that all can be so fleeting.
120
Beautifully written, Mr. Wilson. I kept reading hoping that someone would come to his aid. I was relieved to read that he is being taken care of though he misses his apartment of many years. I have seen too much drinking in my long-time life and perhaps that is the reason that I drink very sparingly. I was always terrified of becoming addicted.
41
@doe74
ditto in the drinking
seen too many fall to addiction in my years as well and it never turns out well
wonderful piece
23
I once, many years ago, was the Director of a large senior center where my responsibilities included serving as a court-appointed legal guardian for senior citizens needing help living independently.
Through the center I worked for and other agencies in the community, I would arrange for home-health care providers, home delivered meals, visiting nurses, group day care services and transportation to doctor's offices, churches and other places they needed or wanted to go. I even arranged funerals and managed the estates of a few.
Legal guardianship services for the elderly should have a place in all large communities, but I don't hear much about them anymore.
46
Legal guardianship services with close ties to other social services for the elderly should have a place in all large communities, but I don't hear much about them anymore.
9
@A. Stanton Sadly in my personal experience, the laws and procedures of "legal guardianship" at present in the United States are awkward and antiquated. I have seen much misuse of organizations' funds and individuals psyches through 2000s up to now to endorse the systems we have now.
I completely agree, as you said, "...that legal guardianship services for the elderly should have a place in all large communities"
AND what exists now (that feels like a throwback to the 50s and 60s) must be razed and re-created. Just speaking from personal experience as a social worker for nearly 20 years...
21
@Anne The "awkward and antiquated" laws concerning legal guardianship became that way largely in reaction to a practice in the 1800's and earlier of husbands, with the assistance of compliant doctors and lax laws, having their difficult wives declared "insane" and committing them to asylums. Many states reforms included, and still include, jury trials to assess whether a guardian is needed, in addition to court ordered examinations by a team of mental health professionals.
13
It is happening to me. I am not sad and I would not have this last part of my life any other way...me and my beloved Rottweiler and 2 Pusskits. I've traveled the world, been financially successful and achieved some renown. The loneliest I'm been has been in crowds of "friends and colleagues". I am not sad nor disturbed. One can cleave themselves from this world quickly or choose to rot on the vine. I will rot.
53
Hi, Jim. I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that you have a family member or a friend who will be with you in the meantime. May I also suggest that you make arrangements with someone you trust very much to take care of your beloved fur friends. I’ve seen too many times what happens to our fur family members when their future hasn’t been decided. Please know that I’m thinking about you and your family, and I hope and pray that you’ll be around for a good while.
93
@Cathy Moore : Excellent reply and hope it provides a measure of consolation to the commenter you were writing to. My hopes are with him and his 4 legged friends, and I also worry about those who from age or afflictions are no longer able to take care of their pets.What is missing in the well written piece was the fate of the dog that the "Phantom of Ninth Street" adopted.
41
@jim Hi Jim, I am sorry to hear of your situation and I also hope that you have at least one good neighbor, friend or relative that you can share your time with. I do believe you when you say that the loneliest you have been was when you were around crowds or with friends, etc. but we all do need at least one human friend around. I hope you have that, in addition to your furry friends. I will keep you in my thoughts. And you will not rot, but age and grow old gracefully. 🥰
18
I hope a few of my fellow New Yorkers will be inspired to check on their neighbors. Riding in a NY apartment elevator can sometimes seem as anonymous as a subway. Say hello!
This life story is one of the best arguments for gay marriage. Seems he was steeped in a gay culture that did not include marriage. Hopefully the next generation of gay men will enter old age in a committed relationship.
122
@John
The story of Mr. Pannkuk is not about SSM, per se, but growing old alone, a sad situation that is becoming increasingly and tragically common in our society, regardless of sexual orientation, but certainly more poignant among the LGBT community.
39
@John
Thanks for your comment. And it is also an argument for tolerance and inclusion of all people as I wondered if the even less tolerant than the present time in which he grew up contributed to his reasons for drinking.
9
@John I hope so, too! My cousin's son finally accepted his partner's marriage proposal after 11 years! They are getting married in Florida in November on their 12th anniversary of their first date! We are sooo happy for them!
23
But for the grace of God go a number of people I know, but not me.
I’ve got my own problems.
14
@Richard B We all have problems, and your comment could have been a little bit more compassionate.
4
@Richard B As does everyone.
2
Sad story but at least he has the financial wherewithal to live out his remaining days comfortably. I don't know why you placed blame on the burglary victim for filing charges (??!) and suggest he set events in motion that led to Mr Pannkuk leaving his home. Pannkuk himself set those events in motion by his own actions. We don't know if the burglary was the first time the victim had a negative encounter with Mr Pannkuk and even if it was, he had every right to file charges. It is up to the courts to decide if charges are to be dropped or sentences minimized.
33
Having the right to do something doesn’t make it right morally, the criminal courts simply aren’t designed for helping people who are struggling with addiction, add to that TBI,it’s a miracle he didn’t die on rikers.
It’s unfortunate that life can be cruel, we don’t have to add to the misery. We all need a lot more empathy and compassion.
21
@Lynn in DC Actually, in my opinion, the neighbor filing charges was a good thing for Mr. Pannkuk. He's now getting the help he so desperately needed. Because of the charges and subsequent court attention, his daughter came to NY to assist him and he was appointed a lawyer and got help in relocating to a memory-care facility.
It is immeasurably sad that he had to sell his home to pay for his care, but at least he had that asset available to him so that he is able to pay for the care he needed but would never seek until he was forced to do so via the filing of burglary charges.
22
@Allen J. I am fairly sure he was remanded to Bellevue hospital at arraignment.
1
I work at a large public library in the city. Over the many years I have worked, I have seen a few of our beloved patrons, deteriorate in the most sad and disturbing manner. These people, or at least the ones I know, were single, successful and vital and then over time they lost themselves. And then eventually I stop seeing them, and naturally I assume the worst.
126
It’s a scam, all over our country, that causes so much personal suffering, but it enriches the rich. His legal situation is created to transfer wealth from individuals, such as him, to the shareholders of the institutions that house the elderly or disabled. If the institutions are non-profit, the executives give themselves big salaries and bonuses. If for profit, stockholders reap the benefits.
If our laws were like those of Western Europe, this would not happen.
Once the institution finishes with his assets, then he becomes elegible for Medicaid. It is then “corporate welfare”. A transfer of funds from our little guy taxes to the institution.
And, if he seeks disability benefits (a friend of mine in Florida had this happen) they turn them down, repeatedly, for years, then when disability bureaucrats can no longer deny them, a huge check, from the date they first requested disability, is sent to the institution, without a penny going to family members to even buy them a pajama.
My friend in Florida no longer recognizes anyone, early onset Alzheimer’s. There is a single owner of her facility, who reaps millions, many millions a year on this corporate welfare scam.
Hey, he may be Governor or Senator one day!
89
@Lily Your post is so important, Lily. I don't think enough of us are focusing on the long-term-care industry, the corruption and hypocrisy in it, and the poor care and poor working conditions. Help!
19
Maybe you should buy stock in nursing home corporations then
Here's a line from the AA literature: "Rarely have we seen someone fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover ......are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves." It is easy for some, and very-hard-to-impossible for others, to be honest with themselves about their drinking, to seek help, to persevere through the relapses, to eventually get sober. There is never a happy ending for them: either they have the kind of accident mentioned in this story that destroys the rest of their lives, or they kill themselves, or they spend time in and out of rehabs, or they become homeless. They are all sad stories, stories of lives derailed, dreams abandoned, friendships compromised, relationships ruined. This is a story about a guy who couldn't stop drinking. Yes, it's sad.
44
You must have missed the part where he was planning to go to a rehab center, but then fell and sustained a traumatic brain injury? Had he been successful with his treatment (which now we’ll never know), he might possibly still be active with his family.
14
@Cathy Moore So, what, you think he tripped over the dog or something?? If you're looking for a comment to criticize, find one that talks about something you might know about.
1
The worst way to end up. I am glad he is well taken care of.
15
I may have missed this, but what happened to his dog?
51
@Pia Tazz got adopted by a close friend, thankfully
22
A close relative was in the process of being
evicted from his cooperative apartment on the upper
west side. They changed their policy and became a “no smoking “ building. He had lived there for decades and minded his own business. It must be noted that he suffered with significant mental health issues for most of his life.
The “west side liberals“ coop board was all too willing to evict him, and had started to do so when he died, alone, in his home.
His crime: he was addicted to tobacco and smoked in his home...... with his windows open and an industrial strength air filter constantly running.
Protection for our mentality ill citizens of NYC does not appear to exist in reality. “They” were about to kick him out of his home.
57
@Arthur Sadly, your relative was probably at risk of setting himself and the apartment, and building on fire some day. The neighbors don't really deserve to suffer that.
10
@Linda Webb That is a vast and prejudicial overstatement using no evidence. Not certain how boards can evict a legal, decades long resident.
4
There but for the grace of God, whoever, whatever, goes any of us.
29
It's a shame that he could not go back to the midwest to at least have family near. The money for his care would last longer. His entire earnings will end up going to a lockdown facility in Queens and a court-appointed guardian. That is a sad ending for a talented man.
NYC is a good place to be during the older years, but no place is good if you're struggling with alcoholism.
29
This is tragic
9
What happened to his dog?
33
@Rowan Can we at least, for once, focus on this human being rather than focus on an animal.?
31
I also was wondering about the dog. He (or she) is a part of the story. Pets are incredibly important to elderly people, particularly those with mental problems. Take it from me, an elderly person who is starting to suffer from confusion.
50
@John you can't focus on both? Strange.
14
Thank Gd for friends.
10
"“You know, my apartment is in Manhattan,” he said. “I’d love to go home.”
Wow, what a sad haunting story about a man whose life seemed so ideal just a few years ago. Thanks to the reporter.
63
@Carlton James Dementia is the ultimate cruelty. I have known several relatives who begged to be allowed to "go back home," when in fact they were still living and being cared for in their home. They just didn't recognize it any more.
9
This is a terribly sad story, but one written with great empathy and respect for the subject. While it must be awful from Mr. Pannkuk to be separated from his beloved apartment, he is fortunate to have the means to pay for the assisted living care that he needs. He is also fortunate to have family, friends and a court-appointed guardian who have done their best to look after him in his vulnerable state. This could have ended much differently. Mr. Wilson, thank you for casting a light on his story.
77
My older brother drank himself to death in his early fifties, ironically using money inherited from my dad who tried so much to help him with his addiction (losing his own health in the process). I wish I could have helped but it’s so complex, so powerful. He went to rehab multiple times: until you hit rock bottom, it’s usually not working. For some, it’s unfortunately too late. Peace to this man
79
@Bruno A friend of mine began attending AA meetings in his late 20's soon upon realizing that his drinking was out of control. One day, he told his fellows at a meeting, "I don't feel like I belong here. I haven't suffered anywhere as much as most of you have." One of the attendees replied, "So go out and continue to drink, and when you have suffered enough, come back to us." My friend got the point and has led a prosperous, productive life without drinking for more than 40 years.
72
@Gregory I celebrated 37 years of sobriety yesterday. My heart aches for those who cannot find a path out of addiction. Mine was a loving but firm friend/mother figure, and a lifesaving recovery program.
38
Great story. Such a tragedy. The reality is, no matter how successful and financially well off, anyone can end up as a vulnerable adult who needs care. No man is an island.
He was lucky he had the apartment sale money to pay for his care and people who are looking out for him.
Others in this circumstance are victimized and financially exploited.
48
a haunting piece about a lovely man.
and his friends seemed to care very much. as much as they could or more.
i will add one caution, only somewhat related, for people with friends in similar circumstances -
if you intervene in an alcoholic or drug addict's life, and plan to take them to rehab the "next morning" - you should try to stay with them that night -it's the classic binge night when all bets are off since the daunting task of sobriety will come the next day. left alone, it's a dangerous dangerous time...
288
@DanA Agreed. I drank everything in the house the night prior to going into detox. I was beyond drunk. I was in an alcoholic stupor. Yet I refused help. What a fool I was!
31
Mr. Pannkuk remembers his apartment, his home in Greenwich Village and he might enjoy now receiving on occasion, the visit of a young volunteer, a student of life, with similar interests, listening to his travels, his artwork, and books that he has retained in his mind.
'Look Homeward Angel', and share the viewing of a favorite movie of his. He appears to be a soul of multiple talents without a set vocation, at this stage of his life journey.
The French Belmondo played 'A Man and his Dog' circa 2006, and Mr. Pannkuk might recognize this kind actor on the screen. It might also make him smile, and add comfort to welcome the accompanied visit of a gentle trained dog.
Never tell him that he will not be returning to his apartment, but that he is having a rest and a retreat, until he is back in fine fettle.
With thoughts of Mr. Pannkuk on this lingering winter day, we are sharing the same prayer: 'If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take', one that a red robin sang many years ago when we were in childhood.
52
@Miss Ley
An absolutely excellent idea!
7
Very sad story. Now imagine how much worse for those without his means.
78
Such a sad story, but unfortunately, not an uncommon type of scenario. If we are fortunate and have the time, and the ability, drafting a will, advance directives and durable power of attorney are very beneficial. A step further if one is able, is looking into obtaining long term care insurance which can help pay for custodial care. These actions will not change a diagnosis but can help with logistics and possibly give more options for care. As another writer commented, "This could happen to any one of us."
22
@Andre My wife and I are going though this very process. We also have to provide for our two cats, who may well outlive us.
5
People experiencing memory loss from injury, degenerative disease, or just age related decline, who have no family caregivers, are facing a terrible frightening future. It is a full time job to care for someone like this in their home, and eventually a memory care facility is a healthier safer solution. There will forever be the requests to “go back home”, but really, there is no way to go back, no way to go back to their old life.
Because modern medical care has lengthened life expectancy, there will be many patients such as this man, most did not lead a charmed life of wealth and many friendships, they just lived ordinary lives, but they miss themselves just as much.
50
A very sad situation for the gentleman.
"His apartment was going on the market. It would sell quickly for $1 million.
The income from the sale would go to pay for an assisted-living facility in Queens, a journey of some 17 miles, but a world away."
That statement opens up a lot of questions, beginning with "will he get the quality of care anywhere equivalent to $1 million, especially considering his age and time left?"
I doubt it. May he have some peace and comfort for the rest of his life.
49
@Peter Assisted living runs about 90K a year in NY. He will likely outlive his funds.
14
@Beverlyj - Based on those numbers, I calculate he has about 11 years’ worth of funds. He’ll be 83 by the time the money runs out. If he’s still alive at that age, which many people are, he’ll be physically frail and in a financially precarious situation. Poor man. There but for the grace of God go all of us.
15
Should he spend all his money, then he will qualify for Medicaid, unless that gets taken away.
10
A very nice piece. Memory loss is devastating. I wish him the best!
20
This brings to mind one of my credos: there but for the grace of faith go I. Any of us could lose our mental health, due to a brain injury or myriad other factors. Truly, life should be about enjoying what we have now.
58
Beautiful article. Blessings and peace to the gentleman. This could happen to any one of us...
50
I knew Paul. He was a lovely, brilliant, interesting, quiet and private man. While this article articulately displays the conundrum that occurs when people with "some" money have too much to qualify for benefits but not enough to fend for themselves, I am left wondering if the intimacy of this piece is not a breach of his right to privacy. As you write, he is unable to make any new memories, which would make him unable to agree to have this published.
318
@Ed his guardian likely has power of attorney to consent to publication
32
@Ed
And don't you think that the sad and sympathetic responses to this essay are a positive response? In reading this we witness in a very personal and empathetic way the arc of his life. Would the world be a better place if we merely averted our eyes & ignored him? Sometimes witnessing the best gift we can give.
45
@Ed The piece includes his sister’s caveat to publishing.
26
This is just heartbreaking.
I hope he gets adjusts to his new place.
18
From the article:
"The primary obstacle to bringing Mr. Pannkuk the aid available to many New Yorkers was his wealth, as manifested in the apartment on Ninth Street. He had too much money to qualify for free assistance, and not enough for live-in care."
The way we profit off the sick and vulnerable in this country is immoral. Yes, much worse examples can be found easily, but they all have the same solution — Universal Health Care.
There shouldn't be an enormous Catch 22 that forces everyone to go bankrupt before they're given any kind of dignity.
224
Yep, that’s also why people can’t get off welfare. Jobs are dignity, but when everything is clawed back, what’s the point?
16
@Arthur
I feel bad for this guy and it’s an awful situation but why should taxpayers fund memory care for a person living in a million dollar coop in Manhattan?
I’m all for universal health care, but it has to get funded somehow. Letting the affluent with bad habits retain million dollar assets while lower income tax payers fund universal health care seems entirely unfair to me.
20
@Arthur I am confused about all the comments here about people making money off people who need to be taken care of.
How else are people going to get taken care of? Even with universal health care, someone is making money.
Just because someone is being paid doesn't mean people are being taken advantage of. How is this any different than needing a plumber? A doctor? A financial planner? It's a service.
Now, granted, I do not disagree that some in this business ARE taking advantage of people. But not all are. The care of Mr. Pannkuk needs to be paid for by somebody, some how. He could not stay in his apartment. So, the apartment must be sold. I don't see the problem in that, despite his emotions about it.
24
This article made my heart weep.
A reminder to hang on to those that we love and those that love us.
37
As I read this, I thought, this could have been me. Maybe I never reached the economic levels of Mr. Pannkuk, but I have lived all over the world. As a gay man, I lived a solitary life in the middle of groups of friends. To fill the void, I, too, turned to alcohol. At age 58, I couldn't live with it or without it and felt that the end was near. I was one of the lucky ones who found sobriety and have lived the last 12 years in peace and serenity finding my lifetime husband 5 years ago. Some people can deal with alcohol. Some of us can't. If you know someone who can't, please reach out and help them. Alcoholism is a slow form of suicide. My heart goes out to Mr. Pannkuk.
631
@Adam Janowski So happy that you have found your lifetime husband, peace and serenity. Much happiness to you both.
88
@Adam Janowski: I have a person, in my life, who struggles with alcohol but refuses to admit that he does. I’ve tried so many things to help him, from offering to attend therapy with him, abstaining from drinking (even though I do not have a problem with alcohol, even walking away so he can “wake up.” None of it works.
He believes he is okay, despite missing days at work to recuperate. One of the reasons he wrongly believes he doesn’t have a problem is that he does not drink everyday. When he drinks, though, it’s a binge and he makes up for all of his days of “sobriety.” Drinking a bottle or two of cognac straight. No food. If his “friends” plan a get together to drink, the lengths he goes through to plot and plan for me to not see him get wasted is mind-boggling. He has one “friend” who works upstate, but when he comes down expects to get wasted. At 48, he is convinced that he is healthy and he has it all under control. His doctor, who does not know the extent of his drinking was concerned enough to advise him to get his heart checked, which he has not done—afraid of what the exam might reveal.
He truly believes that he does not have a problem but that I have a problem with him drinking. As much I love him, I have decided that I can expend no more energy fighting his battle. I am still in his life, but definitely on the periphery where I can protect and take care of myself. I have faith that he will get it together before it’s too late for him.
#endrant
38
@AMN People need to hit a bottom, sadly.
11
Some days I recall 1965 as if it were yesterday and other days I can't recall January 2020. There are times when I think President Trump is a 1950's cartoon. I never feel depressed and I love watching the daytime become night, knowing that soon enough the night will become forever. Life is a adventure that we all hope ends in a pleasant valley, and sometimes it does. We must protect all of us from a long slow walk into torment and oblivion.
118
@David Fairbanks
You're right about Trump, though.
29
The last sentence reminds me of a comment from my 82 year old mother, newly committed to assisted living due to dementia. During a visit, she leaned over toward my ear, and quietly & conspiratorially whispered "I'm getting out of here." as if she were Burt Lancaster planning to bust out of Alcatraz. I could barely stifle my smile. Thank you for the sad story but enjoyable memory it provided.
71
@chris in VA : it may strike you as funny….but dementia units are all "lock downs". You don't have the freedom to even take a walk outside on a nice day -- you can't go shopping -- you are stuck indoors 24/7, watching a droning TV set in a lounge with other people who are mostly incommunicative, slack-jawed and in diapers.
How would YOU feel about being locked away in a virtual prison, with fancy chandeliers?
Dementia residents can't even order takeout food. Most don't have access to a telephone, let alone a computer.
They actually ARE prisoners.
35
@chris in VA
Although I'm a mere 75 year old, your Mom sure sounds like my kind of gal. I'd submit (but of course not wager) that your Dad was a lucky man who knew it.
You're lucky too for having such a charming and comforting recollection. I bet you have many more.
14
@Concerned Citizen Yes, it sounds good in principle, that a dementia patient should be able to order take-out, go shopping, take a walk on her own. But, in practice, you must not have real first-hand experience in what dementia means. The only way caregivers can make it through, is to see the gentle humor in a very sad situation.
37
This is heartbreaking and surprising that a talented and successful man would end up this way. It reminds me that many people have friends and a social circle that revolves around their job. When they retire those connections go away. As another commenter suggested the secret to a health retirement is daily social interactions. The daily visits to bars might have been this man’s attempt to replicate the social world of his former work place. We need bars without booze.
86
@Happy Surfing
that's what the gym is for! or the Y! however , early retirement at age 55 doesn't really leave you with people to socialize as most people are really working!
19
@Happy Surfing - I think a bar without booze is a cafe. There are some very nice ones out there.
15
@Happy Surfing Why should it be surprising? It could happen to anyone, and his having been rich should not be a vehicle for sympathy.
1
What a sad descent.
As we grow older, many of us worry about something like this. It’s better to make a decision to move into a retirement community, as we did. Where a transition can happen with the same institution.
29
A close friend is living with the same kind of TBI. He was never a millionaire, but the injury robbed him of his ability to support himself. I can't help but fear that as we age, he will be less and less able to function and will end up in the locked wing of an assisted-living facility for which he can't pay. He has no children, his mother is approaching elderly and is in ill health, and his siblings are all far away. It's scary.
29
Every person who lived downtown in the 1990s knew that apartment with the Picasso paintings visible from the street. I always wondered who lived there and wish the story wasn’t so sad. God bless
517
From the article, it appears that a diagnosis of alcohol-related dementia (often referred to by doctors as "wet brain") or Werkicke-Korsakoff syndrome wasn't considered. Mr. Pankukk's brain deterioration could have started well before the brain injury. I watched my bright articulate husband sink into alcoholism and blackouts after a lifetime of drinking. When alcohol was removed permanently, an eminent psychiatrist expected him to recover some of his intellect and memory. Unfortunately that never happened, a combination of alcoholism and family genetics left only a sweet man rapidly losing speech and awareness. He died 4 years ago of pneumonia, by then unable to walk after a hip repair and unable to recognize his children or me, his wife after 30 years together. I reviewing the readily available data on dementia very little or no attention is paid to the role of alcohol. There seems to be a huge blind spot in the medical community's awareness off the dangers of long-term alcohol consumption and the damage to the human brain when considering dementia diagnoses.
274
It may be that some medical professionals do indeed have a “blind spot” when incomes to alcohol, but you can rest assured that doctors and nurses who work at Bellevue Hospital in NYC sure do not!
14
Well, not the worst outcome possible in our 2020 US of A for a person suffering a debilitating mental condition, kudos to the judge in this case, for having a modicum of humanity to see this incapacitated man wasn't rolled by depraved opportunists out walking the sidewalks, run over by a bus, or executed by some trigger happy or mean spirited gunslinger, civilian or LEO, who is "standing his ground" or "feared for his life" in his mentally impaired presence.
The Nightly News videos across our land of American citizens, usually unarmed, intoxicated or mentally ill, usually people also in financial distress of some kind, if not in some sort of emotional distress or just being unruly, being executed in public by some screaming loon with a gun is beyond old and passé, though it's so 1960s and 70s Hollywood Western. These public executions of the unarmed and often ill, are actually considered human rights crimes in the more enlightened and civilized countries around the world.
40
Throw a dart at a map of the world and you will hit a similar story of woe. If you had 240 million darts you could hit them all. And that's just alcoholics..today. Add in those affected by another's drinking the scale of woe is multiplied many times over.
39
It's just terrifying to imagine your very self slipping away like that. Nothing but compassion here for this man and everyone else who is going through a similar ordeal.
56
Sa, sad story. What happened to his dog?
44
It’s a tragedy that some people can destroy more through addiction than most people will ever have.
18
@Brian it's also proof that money isn't everything in life. We lose ourselves when we pursue wealth as the most important goal. I pity rich people more than they do me.
12
There but for the grace of dog go I. Pannkuk's brilliance and the brightness of his falling star are more than I can contemplate. My own trajectory took me from the Midwest to New York and points beyond. Were it not for my partner and my family and a bunch of good luck, who knows where I would have ended up?
36
I'm so sorry that he got a TBI before he could get help. I'm glad he seems to be getting good care now. Thank you to all the people who looked out for him at some point.
36
There but for the grace of God go I. And with that being said - I wish him a miraculous turnabout and enjoy the rest of his time on earth.
30
I will do my best to stay off New York police blotters. I would hate for the story of my life to be transformed into a cautionary tale for the entertainment of people like me.
67
@Mar Craig
I have heard of the long arm of the law but does NYPD's reach truly extend to Canada?
6
@Mar Craig I see your point, but I found the article to be more than simply entertaining. I recently retired early and have burned through most of my home improvement projects. Loneliness is becoming a factor. This is a cautionary tale that expresses nothing but compassion for a very sad old man, and may prompt someone (me?) to make some changes.
13
@Mar Craig
I think you missed the compassion and humanity written into this essay.
10
How could Mr. Pannkuk possibly have given any sort of real consent to participating in this article? While it is breathaking to read, I can't help but feel bad for invading the privacy of alcoholic who clearly suffers from a serious TBI.
103
@Eric : unfortunately, in his condition….he has a court-appointed guardian, who has 100% legal authority to do ANYTHING they want -- put him in any facility, good or bad -- any medical care -- sell his apartment, his paintings, his furnishings.
To have a guardianship is akin to being a small child -- you have almost NO rights at all.
So yes, the guardian could agree to this story in his place.
11
@Eric The author clarified that Mr. P's sister consented on his behalf in hopes of sharing his story "with others facing addiction or brain trauma issues."
46
So sad. He reminds me of one of Tom Wolff’s “Masters of the Universe”. Success on Wall Street followed by a tragic alcohol-fueled fall. Then the fall that takes his memory. A blessing?
What irony. Ultimately his story ask us both figuratively and literally “Am I my Brother’s Keeper?”
18
Amazing story, and sad. He and I were born in the same year.
He still has his page on linkedin:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/paulpannkuk
I like a glass of wine too, but have given it up of late.
16
I’m 69. Very healthy so far. I frequently say the key to successful aging is lots of walking, good diet and no alcohol. THC is helpful and not debilitating like booze.
26
@Richard
You forgot "social interactions"! This is key to longevity and mental health. Staying socially active can be challenging as we get older, more so for those with mental and/or physical challenges. It's incumbent upon every one of us to ensure our family members and dear friends have frequent access to socializing with peers.
78
@Richard Good for you. But a lot of it is the luck of the draw. We all have only so much control in how the end comes down. Americans' optimism and inflated sense of agency frequently resembles self-delusion. This is most brutally revealed in the aging process, which tends to be spun positively or ignored all together. Best we face it together honestly and with social services to support the aged. But I wish you continued good health and self-care.
54
@Richard Just please don’t be smoking it in my airspace. Thanks.
6
Thanks, Michael Wilson, for sharing this story. We need more like this. I worked as a patient advocate in a hospital and saw dozens of stories like this, although lack of money was usually also a factor. I’ve never forgotten the man who lost his wife and then lost everything he knew. He had no idea how to cook or clean and his house started to get run down. He could walk to a diner for lunch and bring the leftovers home for dinner, but then the diner closed. We connected him with Meals on Wheels, but he didn’t like the the food and threw it away. We connected him with the senior center in his town, but he harassed the younger staff members and was asked to leave. He alienated all of his family except for a nephew. He kept coming to our hospital because we would feed him and the doctors usually found enough wrong with him to justify admission for a couple of days. When he couldn’t do stairs anymore, we got the volunteer fire department in his town to build a ramp to his house. We did all of this and more, but eventually a very serious stroke happened and he was taken to a different hospital. We heard about it and asked our counterparts there to let us know when he died. We had so much invested in him in our time, and we knew only the nephew would attend the funeral, so we wanted to go. We felt someone else should be there. Unfortunately, we never got word until after he had been gone for a few weeks. There are many people like this.
236
Bless you for restoring my faith in the goodness of people.
43
@Anyone but Trump : though the CONCEPT of Meals on Wheels is excellent and it benefits many shut-ins (not JUST seniors)….in fact, I find the food awful.
I should know -- I volunteer at the local Food Bank and for the last two years, my job is assembling Meals on Wheels for indigent seniors.
The meals are gloppy and starchy -- based heavily on noodle dishes that get solidified in the containers -- YUCK! -- mushy canned vegetables (never fresh, even in summer!) -- tough pieces of grisly meat or chicken with rubbery skin. And everything has to be low, low fat and low, low salt -- so it has zero, zero flavor. It is capped off with a piece of fruit, meaning a mealy tasteless red apple or unripe banana.
Indigent seniors get this free, but ordinary folks have to pay about $7 a meal for this garbage!
I wouldn't eat it, unless I was desperate -- which is why so many seniors live on canned soup or cold sandwiches or microwaved TV dinners.
It is analogous to the "awful school lunch" problem….
40
I found your profile name so off-putting I nearly skipped your message, which is universal. Not everything must be a political statement. MOW here is healthful, well-packaged and wonderful at $3-$5, delivered, usually by folks who spend time with those in receipt. We are rural so that matters. And the eatin’s good, not gloppy or starchy. There are standards so I haven’t any idea why our are better - but we have a chef that takes pride. Those with mental health issues and rejection syndromes are common, as their generation was caretaken by the wifey. If the children don’t step up, they are likely to be alone and little can be done to break through - unless there is a friend known and previously trusted involved. Bless you for trying but the nephew may have been that person.
13
From the picture alone, I knew who he was and where he lived. I also stared into that home as a teen, curious why a Picasso might be left so vulnerable. When I more recently saw the sign for sale, I felt like I must have taken a wrong turn in life to not be the one purchasing. Thank you for this beautiful tribute to the character of the city, and this gentleman.
207
2 years ago, I was about a year from completing my doctorate. I was diagnosed with a serious progressive neurological disease. I was forced to quit school. The last 2 years have been nothing but doctor’s appointments, trying various medications, my life getting smaller and smaller.
I’m lucky. I am polyamorous and have two wonderful long-term partners of 20+ and 25+ years each. Both have good jobs and good benefits, one of which also covers me. We have a nice house in a nice neighborhood, surrounded by nature. We have kids and grandkids and live with our 2 dogs and cat. I can’t imagine 1 spouse being able to support a person suddenly and catastrophically disabled. I can’t imagine not having anyone as this poor person has.
And we are in a similar situation in that the woman I am legally married to makes too much money for me to qualify for assistance. However, we aren’t even close to being able to afford in-home aid (even with the additional income of our 3rd partner).
The amount required to qualify is not based on how disabled someone is, merely how much money they make. We were told that for me to qualify for any assistance, we would have to get divorced. Pretty sh_ty. We may eventually have to do this, but for now, we are coping. Thank goodness we have an additional partner to help take care of me and help with the costs.
We really need to change things so that the criteria to qualify isn’t just based on money….
.
55
@SMcStormy
Thank you for fully sharing your situation with such candor. I left Manhattan after 15 years, to assist with a parent in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. My mother's physician provided a solution to affordable in-home assistance (meal preparation, bathing, not overnight stays) that you might want to consider. Her doctor was using the same solution for her own mother's care, Approach the immigrant community. We had an incredible Mexican woman who bonded with my mother and provided wonderful care. Surprisingly, she became like family very quickly, but I never asked Maria about her green card status. I know a friend of mine with sizable assets in NYC who had 24 hour round the clock service for her husband. The night orderly was in medical school. She describes her apartment as "Little Poland", since all the aides are Polish with a variety of medical experience. In-home services are incredibly intimate, so it' s important everyone realize it's not just a job. Just a possibility you might not have considered.
7
@Peter /Thank you !
Seriously, that is a great idea that I hadn't considered.
.
1
This is utterly heartbreaking. And it could happen to any of us. Life is small and can change in an instant that we aren’t even aware of.
119
@Mike Friedman
Think of how heartbreaking it is for people who are poor and/or homeless, struggling with mental decline.
Thank goodness Paul had amassed somewhat of an estate, mostly due to his house that he could sell, to pay for his end-of-life care. It's the indigent in our country who suffer the most and reap so little, especially when it comes to mental health care.
59
@Left Coast AC If he were indigent, he would have qualified for Medicaid and likely have been able to remain at home. He would have been provided an array of services, including a home health aide, social work and doctors who make home visits (e.g., Mt Sinai's Visiting Doctors).
38
The first time I walked past those "Picasso" paintings I was shocked that anyone would allow them to be visible from the street, until I sheepishly realized that the famous originals were in museums. Thank you for the detailed explanation of their origin and ending. They always represented an eccentric Village chicness to me, the kind that existed before hedge funders filled the townhouses.
403
I remember them, too! I used to stare at them from the street, a teenager, wandering the village, in awe of the art on display. This article brought back the strongest memories of the neighborhood of that era. What a sadness that he could not finish out his life with a caregiver in his home.
174
"At some point in any story about Mr. Pannkuk, the teller invariably arrives at a memory of clubbing or having long conversations over drinks — always over drinks."
The legal drug alcohol knows no social barriers. In fact, it is a staple of the super rich. I feel it is more damaging overall that opiates. Harder and more expensive to quit, messier lifestyle and huge collateral damage, number one date rate drug, auto deaths and carnage, the total toll is incalculable.
Most people can have a few drinks, no problem. But the problem drinkers? As we see here, all bets are off. Brilliant career - it's just a shot away.
83
Happened to my Father in Law an early Silicon Valley successful Accountant ..
Always the richest and smartest in a room he slipped away slowly then all at once..
We disabled his car by pulling out the distributor and on the day he was taken away to his “lock up” retirement home we told him we were taking him to lunch..
So sad but predictable..
35
Yeah, maybe it was substance abuse. Maybe not. As anyone who has worked in the corporate world, and particularly financial services, knows -- someone in their late fifties is a target for HR, who is looking to lose an expensive employee with expensive benefits. Hire two twenty somethings for the equivalent of our man's salary/benefits.
Plenty of upper management still knocks 'em back. It's other issues entirely that decide who stays and who goes. All other things being equal, age will tip the scales against you.
It's rude out there on the streets.
165
@gking01 : it is a widespread tragedy, that no matter how smart or talented you are….you can no longer count on paid employment at a corporation until you reach full retirement age -- which is now SIXTY SEVEN!!! (not 65, as many assume).
Few companies today want to be stuck with an expensive "oldster" who needs costly health insurance and doesn't fit "their image" as young and powerful and hip.
To be laid off in your 50s is an awful tragedy, as it is nearly impossible to get rehired -- and if by a miracle, you DO manage it -- you will lose a huge amount in salary and benefits.
if you are NOT lucky…you will burn through most of your assets and retirement savings just to survive until SS and Medicare kick in…again, two years LATER than was the norm for most of the last 80 years.
55
Was this a traumatic brain injury or Korsakoff Syndrome caused by a combination of B1 deficiency and alcoholism? The profound amnestic quality of the clinical picture points to the latter.
50
@David Hartman there's no law against it being both
10
@David Hartman
Perhaps being inebriated led to a fall? The TBI could have also been exacerbated by years of neurological damage caused by chronic alcoholism.
16
@Roberta Laking Agreed, but you don't find the kind of profound, dense amnesia pattern from a TBI. It would be interesting to know what his MRI and neuropsychological tests show.
4
Such a sad and lonely ending to what was a good life, drinking aside. I cared for my grandmother when dementia struck her, and watching someone you know slowly lose their memories is both terrifying, and heartbreaking...
40
Life goes on...
At least he has money to get care.
Thousands of elderly and mentally compromised in USA die on streets starving, in abysmal misery.
But t’is the world.
One day top of the world; the next, the bottom.
48
@Ash. : OK, there is a very troubling homeless problem in some large blue cities.
But it does not translate that "most elderly live on the streets".
In fact, a very elderly homeless person is pretty rare. Most are not that old -- that's the PROBLEM. If they are under 65, there's no Medicare for them. If they are under 62, no Social Security checks.
Welfare pays little or nothing to an able bodied adult (with no children or dependents) who is not a senior. The most you would have is food stamps -- maybe $175 a month or so.
Seniors who are without a secure residence have far more options to get off the street, including Medicaid-paid nursing homes.
So most of the homeless are mentally ill adults under age 62.
And none of them are starving. The one thing we do have is a very secure food supply -- food stamps -- food banks -- food pantries -- soup kitchens.
12
@Ash.
"But t’is the world."
No it's not; it's the type of system we have established here in the States. It is not an accident; it's intentional.
5
Born in 48 but only 68. he has lost a few years hasn't he.
6
@scott
He was born in 1948, but the incident with the neighbor happened in 2017, which is what the author was alluding to when he said that he was 68 years old.
26
@scott
The writer says that in the spring of 2017 he was 68 and in a later paragraph he states that in late 2018 Mr. Pannkuk was 70 years old when he was led from his apartment of 23 years to his new home. I took this to mean he was 68 in spring 2017, going on 69, making him 70 by late 2018. This would explain why his birth year is (correctly) 1948.
18
@scott The author agreed to hold the story until he was stabalized
17
" 'It’s just one bar after another, basically,' she said."
14
@Blair-A rube from the Mid West would say that. I couldn't believe that was her take-away when visiting NYC-and the West Village in particular! however, she doesn't sound like she had the kind of striving personality, artistic bent and willingness to look past her tiny little world that her brother once did.
6
@Patou Yep, it's a big world in a bottle.
@Patou - God, give it a rest. You don’t sound that great yourself, if that’s what you took away from this article about an elderly impaired man and his sister, who had her own health issues in her family.
10
Gatsby-like
12
A great piece of writing, specially the last sentences.
32
He had a good life and a sad but controlled decline toward the end. *Many* are not so lucky.
15
Excellent piece, Michael Wilson. I wish the The New York Times would make a decision to do a weekly piece on the many, many people in New York City with a human interest angle. It just transports me out of the endless stream of vitriol coming out of DC and other places around the world. I hope the Times will consider it and that Michel Wilson gets the assignment! You write very well!
763
@kkm
Why does no one recognize this is a pathetic story, that would not happen if we had a cleaner, less corrupt medical system?
He should be receiving in-home 24 hour care provided by a simple health care attendant agency.
Instead, he’s forced out of his home so that institutions reap the benefits. They go through his assets, then he becomes “eligible” for Medicaid, and then the money (corporate welfare) goes from the government to the institution.
If it’s a for profit place, the shareholders reap the benefits, if it’s a non-profit, the administrators give themselves bigger salaries and bonuses.
Our health system is cruel and unusual punishment for the sick, the elderly and the disabled....for the benefit of the wealthy, who either own, or work as executives, for the institutions where these people wind up.
Shame on us to treat someone who worked all his life, added to the beauty of his environment, paid taxes, and contributed to the local economy, is this cruel fashion.
62
@Lily
Two things destroyed Mr. Pannkuk - his drinking and his head injury. His sister tried to help but she couldn't take care of him from another state. At least he had assets that when sold would pay for his care. Some people simply cannot be cured of their alcoholism and he had become a nuisance and possibly a danger to others. Sad, but the in home care would be more expensive in the long run and sometimes those being cared for actually get abused.
16
@Lily "He should be receiving in-home 24 hour care provided by a simple health care attendant agency."
That's what we all should be able to have. But do the math. In my area, much less expensive than NYC, vetted home health aides from an agency start at $25/hour, more for weekends and holidays. There are 24 x 365 = 8760 hours in a year. That's $219,000 per year.
It's too bad no family members live nearby. Then at least he could live with them with home care financed by the sale proceeds from his apartment. That is, as long as he can be lived with in a home setting.
17
The block on 9th St. the restaurants... They're all on the map of my personal New York.
The writer alludes to a doorman. The building can be one of only several on the block. The others are walk-ups or single family.
I probably crossed paths with Mr. Pannkuk a number of times.
There is no loneliness like that of one who lives alone in a big city, a ghost surrounded by millions of people who are themselves ghosts.
If the person is a hard drinker, bartenders are his or her best friends. It's a sad, meaningless existence.
I'm glad that Mr. Pannkuk is well-cared for.
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Oh boy. All too close to my brother’s story. Highly educated, great career. Lives in the Village. Alcoholic. Booze finally got the better of him and he had to leave his job. In and out of hospitals due to drunken falls breaking bones weakened by osteoporosis (alcoholics don’t eat much). Increasingly home bound. Last hospital stay was due to a drunken fall where he suffered brain trauma and was sent to Bellevue. It’s a continuing spiral. Combine that with the fact you can’t help someone who does not want to stop drinking. I’m not sure what the next step in his downward fall but I do know it won’t be good.
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I so hope that he is able to find enough comfort where he is now to end his days not feeling lost, but, rather, in a semblance of happy familiar warmth. My heart aches with his desire to return home; it is the same sentiment expressed by my mother in her final days spent in a hospital and, I assume, a common refrain at the end for many these days.
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It appears that loneliness is one of the most pernicious and debilitating diseases and that neither money nor past success is a cure for it. Compound that with self-medication and there's not too much to stop the downward spiral. Fold in a debilitating injury or mental decline and the picture becomes very bleak, very quickly.
None of us are getting any younger and none of us are getting out of this journey alive. Let's hope that this article helps us all to remember to embrace life and everyone around us. And equally important, it should remind us to be kind to others wherever we meet them. We never know what people are going through. I hope Mr. Pannkuk enjoys the rest of his days.
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@JChristopher AARP's Feb issue has an indepth article "The Loneliness Epidemic, New Science, New Hope" describes medical evidence of it being a real medical issue for us all.
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@JChristopher. He had friends and family. Alcohol is not "self-medication," and seemed to be one contributing factor to his loneliness. Going to four or five bars a day does not leave much time for company. Some people socialize over a drink, but alcoholics perhaps don't find other alcoholics interesting conversation partners. Mr. Pannkuk lived the life he wanted and it was a good life until it becomes tragic.
7
That is a very sad story and a cautionary tale. May his remaining time on earth be peaceful.
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I had a dear friend of about 80, who was hale and hearty, completely sound in mind and living a very positive, constructive life as a single individual, with no real family in the world but hundreds of friends. He was hit by a car and did not regain consciousness before dying a couple of days later. While I miss him greatly, as do many others, I also envy him. He went out at the top of his game. He doesn't have to face the relentless losses, declines and decisions of old age: which independent living facility? Then, which assisted living situation? How on earth to pay for it all, and finally -- almost always the decision of someone else -- which nursing home or hospice... Yes. Along with loss, I feel envy.
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@Carla I understand your relief about your friend not having to face the degradation of aging and I am also sorry for his tragic early death. However, what you describe your friend avoided my father is going through and he has been declining rapidly for about 9 months. Recently I took him to the ER and the admitting nurse and the floor nurse both asked him if he wanted a DNR or resuscitation. Both times he quickly responded that he wants resuscitation. Then last week I took him to his primary care physician who has known him 40 years. My father was his professor and they have a good relationship. His doctor again discussed whether he wanted to change to a DNR and talked at some length about the ramifications of going through resuscitation at 93 years old and in his declining condition. Dad thought
for a long while but would not respond until his doctor came to the conclusion that he would still like resuscitation should the need arise, to which my father quickly responded "YES." I think for some of us the desire to live is so strong despite the circumstances. I also think that despite the circumstances, there are little joys one can find that make life worth living to some.
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@Carla My mother was 80 when my father died. A year or so later she moved from New Jersey to a retirement community in Portland to be near us. She made new friends and lived for 11 more wonderful years. She did not sink into dementia and misery - how awful to think she should have died at 80!
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Accidents, even without contributing factors like alcoholism, can change lives in an instant.
One must live for the moment. Be fabulous now. Travel now. Live now.
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@Hanna. There are all sorts of accidents. His accident was a fall in his late 60s at home, and likely caused by his drinking problem. Older people fall at home, but not until their late 70s or even mid-80s.
5
This article touched my heart. I feel for the man, the friends, and the family behind this story. My father struggled with alcoholism and with an early retirement for which he was ill-prepared. His days and nights were spent drinking, sometimes with friends but mostly alone. A short spell in rehab had no impact. Nor did the pleas of his family. He was diagnosed with Korsakoff syndrome following a fall at his home; moving into a nursing home was the only option. The inability to make new memories robbed my Dad of eight years before he passed away last summer. I wish Mr. Pannkuk comfort and peace for the rest of his days.
This is not how anyone expects to live the final years of their life. To those on the same path, I know it is not easy to change, but please seek help. It is there.
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"but in 1990, it [9th between 5th and 6th] retained some of the scruff and bohemian flair of the ’60s and ’70s. " No it didn't, and it wasn't scruffy in the 60s and 70s. Otherwise, good piece.
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@John A. I lived on West 10th between 5th and 6th in the 80s. I can confirm a complete absence of scruff or bohemian flair in the area.
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@John A. Indeed! A formidably attractive block in the eighties and nineties when I lived there.
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@John A. I lived in Tribeca in 1971 and I can definitely say it was very bohemian, or at least I was. The best time to have lived in Manhattan. In my opinion.
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This is a sad story, but sooo real.
Living a long healthy life is not easy. Best to make the most of every breath. Every blissful moment.
I do hope Mr. Pannkuk enjoyed London, France, Russia and India. Like New York they all exist to excite (dance parties!) and are long way from Iowa. His family sound nice, too. Perhaps the time has come to just slow down.
27
Well, that was depressing. Substance abuse ageism in the workplace a debilitating injury. A real trifecta. I wish him the best but fear his happiest days are well behind him.
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"Too much money to qualify for free assistance, and not enough for live-in care." This is why I am using my IRA to pay for my husband's care in the dementia unit of an excellent assisted living residence.
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Thank you for sharing this heart breaking story. I wish him the best.
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Thank you for this riveting human interest story!
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As a single man nearing retirement, I wonder what will happen to me as friends and family fade away. So many retirement communities revolve around drinking. You can do your best to take care of yourself and then a medical emergency eradicates the best laid plans. Scary and no good answer presents itself.
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@JohnJx : it scares me too and I'm NOT single.
A married person can be widowed in a second, and then you are alone….in most cases, for the rest of your life.
No matter how many kids you have, as adults…they seek their own lives, are busy with jobs and their own kids. You can't expect them to drop everything and care for YOU.
I thought this guy had dementia, until I read here that his drinking led to a catastrophic fall and brain injury! dementia is bad enough, but can't be avoided. This was an AVOIDABLE injury -- and destroyed the last 25% of his life forever.
No, there are no good answers.
20
Alcoholism strikes yet again. And again undeterred by rank, intelligence or wealth.
It's a particularly unfortunate outcome for someone with means to have made better choices and preparations.
As for myself, one of millions with absolutely no hope for long term care, I can only wish him the best of luck from here on out.
Excellent reporting by M. Wilson.
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Ah. Heartbreaking. Such a beautiful story even for its sadness. Today is my 46th bday and this made me cry. I feel lucky to have unknowingly shared this city with characters this man.
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@Bryan
Happy Birthday!
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@Bryan Happy birthday!
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@Bryan Please enjoy your 46th birthday (you are to young to cry) and remember this wonderful NYT story by Michael Williams. It 's a treasure and so are you. Look forward to 47 it might be even better and warmer in NYC.
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I wonder what would have happened had he not suffered the brain injury. Would he have followed through with rehab? Relapsed? Found some in-between? It's scary how one misstep can close so many possibilities. Eh....
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Sad and romantic in a bleak way. If he wasn't rich he would be in a nursing home sharing a room with a stranger and spending his days watching news with others in a large day room. If he was lucky there would be no abuse. And visitors would be few.
If you are not very wealthy life with dementia and other illnesses requiring full time care life can turn into a nightmare. I have seen it with family members who after a short period in such a place wished they were dead and weeks later did in fact pass away unexpectedly. But not to.us.
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heart breaker of a story and being 68 certainly gave me pause for thought.. trees are better then bars
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I like bars with a view of trees.
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@Zamboanga everything in moderation.. cheers to that
4
This made me cry
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A sad story
16
Decadence leads to decay. Tragic.
6
Not sure whether his neighbors pressed charges out of concern for him or anger.
But, the criminal action could only have facilitated the helpful step of having a guardian appointed.
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@Kevin Banker I thought about that as well.
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@Afi That’s standard operating procedure in Manhattan and elsewhere when the afflicted are resistant to treatment. Making an official complaint is one of the only ways to get help for someone.
In a very rural area, my mother finally got help when the fire department, her doctor and my brother “arranged” a complaint.
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Mr. Wilson, thank you for your interest in Mr. Pannkuk and sharing him with us. Reminded me of an elderly friend who suffers from depression with whom I have not been in touch recently. Will give her a call right now.
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Truman Capote or Tom Wolfe would have had a field day with this story.
What is highly fortunate is that Mr. Pennkuk still had the resources to end up in what probably is a decent place for him to live out his life. He had people who intervened to make that happen legally.
And the world moves on.
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@David Sadly, Capote's last decade of life was not unlike Mr. Pannkuk's, only ten years younger.
10
A tragic, haunting, yet even poetic read. A proverbial Master of the Universe reduced to a prisoner of his own mind. A stylish, globe-trotting, avant garde financier now unable to manage his own finances. A notable figure of the glittering nightclub scene now beholden to the bottle in a most pitiful fashion.
One wishes nothing but the best for Pannkuk, and at least he still has friends and people who care about him. While his future may not be as bright as the life he once led and delighted in, one hopes it is in some small way a dignified one, despite the unenviable darkness and struggle.
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My heart breaks for him. XO
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