I feel comfortable going to my mom about most things, but in some instances, it is easier to go to friends. My mom offers me great advice most of the time, and even when I am skeptical, she always ends up being right. Even though I am close to my mom, some things are uncomfortable to share because I am scared she will judge me, even though I know she won't. I think that is why a lot of teenagers struggle to open up to trusted adults, because they don't want to feel ashamed. They don't know that all adults do is want to help them, even if it is by giving tough love. I can also understand when teenagers just want someone to talk to, and not to be offered solutions. Venting helps release a lot of my emotions personally, and it can be frustrating when people try to offer advice, even though I know they are just trying to be nice.
Somethings can be way too challenging to open up about to your parents and that it might be easier to just turn to someone who understands like a friend or just keep your emotions in. Sometimes it’s hard to talk to my parents because I feel like they tell me things I want to hear and not necessarily what I need to hear in the situation. Also not having good communication skills with your family members can already make it harder for you to open up to them or to open up to people in general. Personally I like to keep things to myself because my parents like to use their parents methods on me which really doesn’t help the situation because things and times have changed.
The biggest way I learn is from my parents. School teaches me stuff that the country told them to. My parents teach me things that they know I will need in life and not stuff that I may or may not use ever again in my life. My parents are honest with me. They tell to me how it is. I rely on them to keep my mind full of knowledge and keep me on track when I waver.
Some things can be challenging thats why sometimes you have to ask for advice to the people that you are most close to what I am truly grateful is the communication that I have with my family that I can trust them in anything certain way. Communication leads to amazing things in life. Personality I love to express everything with my parents because they are so supportive and they tell me what will be the best for me.
@Leslie Medina I completely agree with you that it’s really good to have a stable balance of communication going on with your parents when you’re expressing your feelings with them.
When it comes to advice i have a hard time going to my parents for any reasons. To me when i ask them for advice or i tell them what is going on, i think of it as them trying to tell me what to do with the situation rather than ideas on how to handle it and get me in trouble. Which in most cases i think they are trying to get me in trouble even if it's not something bad, they will find a way to get me in trouble. So i go to my friends or even my coach because i trust them with what i'm telling them. They will bring up ideas on how to resolve it or how to handle it, and just be there for me along the way. Also wouldn't judge me about it and support me with what i'm coping with.
There is a fine line between what is commonly shared with parents versus none at all. Kids do tend to fill guardians in on particular topics, but what is said definitely seems to be filtered into a PG context. I feel as some kids aren't hesitant to share what is being covered in school because it acts as a filler. By taking the time to discuss a "bland" topic it means that you aren't talking about the subjects children don't want to address. These include: drama among friends, their social life, and the overall gossip of the grade.
Of course something that would impact the quantity of information shared would be the connection between the two people. If the kid knows that they're going to be reprimanded and punished for what they are exposing about their personal life; the chances are if anything is told at all the content will most likely be altered from the original.
So looking at the bigger picture kids usually confide in each other because it sort of feels like they're on the same level and have a mutual understanding of why an adult shouldn't be involved. To answer the specific question: "Do You Turn to Your Parents for Advice?" I will guess that majority of the population doesn't out of the fear of the guardians inflicting punishment; with the exception of strongly bonded child-parent family dynamics.
When I have a conflict and need to seek advice, I almost always consult my closest friends. I am able to talk to them more easily than my parents because I feel like they can relate to me more. Don't get me wrong, I know it's true, but it is hard for me to picture my parents being a kid and experiencing life the way I am now before I was born. I will confide in my parents (my mom especially) when I am experiencing things more personal and awkward to ask my friends. For me personally, when I decide to turn to my parents, I would like them to seem understanding and feel unjudged for what I am going through.
@Sydney Taylor I totally agree with you and the examples you gave. I do think that it is hard for us to imagine our parents in the same situations we are facing. Since we can't wrap our heads around it, it is resulting in us not being able to confide in our parents, and ask for help. Your other point about wanting your parents to "seem understanding and feel unjudged" for what you're going through is completely valid. It is quite normal for kids to shy away from sharing news or in tell on their life because their afraid of exposing something that would cause disposal and punishment. When kids are in the mood to share they don't want to feel as though they are walking on egg shells.
@Sydney Taylor I agree with you and the examples that you gave. My close friends help me out a lot when I am in need of advice, and even though they don't always give the best advice, it's comforting to talk to people who understand what you're going through. I also like to confide in my mom specifically, because she makes me feel unjudged.
I don't really tell my parents anything. Not because I don't want to but because I can't. My mom died when I was 4, and my father is an alcoholic who I, unfortunately, got taken away from when I was 12. Don't get me wrong, I do still have a support system, I have an aunt, a grandma and multiple siblings I can confide it. But whenever, I'm having a situation I don't normally turn to my aunt. I usually turn to my siblings or friends because they give me raw advice. They give me the real right raw advice, and I don't ever feel like I'm going to be in trouble afterwards, if I tell them something that they don't want to hear. And, no, I don't have a bad relationship with my aunt, I respect her and I love her very much. There are just things I don't tell her because we are different people who've experienced different things.
@Gabriella Maldonado I have cousins who have a toxic alcoholic father. I have never interacted with him but I have heard my cousin talk to and about him.
Recently, I have been going to my parents more and more over problems that I don't have any clue to solve. I agree completely with the point made in the article saying that there are specific circumstances that you are OK with telling your parents about, and I encourage teens to go to their parents for help, they usually have better knowledge of what you are dealing with, mainly because they have been through their teens already. The reason I haven't been going to before is for the exact reason stated in the article, they keep trying to give solutions, I know that they just wan to help me, but sometimes we do want your sympathy. When times are bad, we want people to notice and agree that times are bad for us. The stereotypical "suck it up, buttercup" response makes it look like you don't care because, "that's nothing compared to what I've been through." And you're probably right, you probably have been through worse, but we don't know how bad it you had it because we didn't live through it. The situation you think is nothing is probably the toughest thing we have faced at that moment. We just want acknowledgement that our situation looks bad and that your sorry for that. But there are some situation that are just awkward for us to talk about. Most of the time, it's a problem with boyfriends/girlfriends, at least for me that's one of the weirdest things to talk about. Parents usually just need to acknowledge that these topics are strange and avoid confronting them yourself.
1
I have a good relationship with my parents but I don’t really ask them because I would rather talk about problems with people my age. It usually depends on the situation for me but it's mostly hard so I just ask my friends for advice instead or I just deal with it myself. I think it’s sometimes hard for parents and their children (especially teenagers) to have these conversations because it’s hard to understand in the parent’s perspective and we were teenagers in very different generations so it could be hard for parents to understand. I wanted advice when it’s school work and other problems. I think my friends are a good support because they understand and they know me really well.
Even though my parents can provide me with the best insights, there are some things that I just shouldn't tell them which my friends wouldn't bat a judgmental eye at. For example, if I'm trying to figure out how to treat a classmate who's causing me issues, I'd rather ask a friend, who would immediately help me form a game plan, than my mom, who might assume that maybe I've done something to be disliked in the first place, or that the classmate is going through a rough time which I should help them with. While either of those may be the case, I'd prefer to get my peers off my back before I try to cast myself in a better light to them. Having said that, my parents have probably seen or heard of many similar cases and know what might cause such issues, and, therefore, the best ways to solve them beyond a brash teenage emotional response. My friends and I are still learning and, even when we're on the right path, we may choose terribly wrong ways to execute our plans.
I generally have a really good relationship with my parents, so when it comes to making a hard decision I would talk to my mom. Sometimes it is pretty hard to start the conversation, but when you do, it goes better than expected.
Even if I want just to be listened to, I could still go to my mother, as an adult she understands. Also, when talking to my mom, I can be sure that all I share and what we have talked about would stay between us.
Even though sharing with my mom is great, I wouldn’t go to my mom talking about every little thing that happens. If something is not such a big deal, I could just share it with people my age.
Sometimes even if something big is going on I’d rather talk to my friends or figure it out myself because it feels mom would be mad or won’t understand, but she always does. So going to your parents for advice is the best idea.
My parents especially my mom always helps me with my problems in life and give advice. There are times that I have perplexed problems which I need to take courage to tell my mom but always after a conversation with her it feels like as if everything is washed away in the waves. There are necessary times where my thoughts are different than my mom’s but her advice is really convincing to me which gives me a chance to translate the problem in diverse perspectives.
I know from personal experience that talking to an adult, more specifically our parents, is a very difficult thing to do. I was very hesitant to talk about a lot of things with my parents but over time I came around to expressing my feelings with my parents and talking about what was going on in my life. As I got closer to my parents the more I talked to them about things I would normally keep to myself.
I think that comfortability is a big reason why we struggle to have conversations with our parents. That’s why we often go to our close friends to talk about stuff because we’re more comfortable and prone to do that. I usually keep most things to myself. Maybe now and again I would go to a friend or a teacher that I’m close with to talk about what’s keeping me down or if I need some advice to cheer me up. I might talk to my parents about that but I talk to my parents about life.
They have the most experience in life and are wiser than we are. Having that trust in each other is important to keep a good family relationship and talking about each other's lives and experiences are the best ways to connect. We are our parents' kids. We have their genes so the people that we most relate to are our parents and by talking to them, you might learn a thing or two about yourself.
In my experience, it is very easy to talk to a parent about any problem I may be having. My mother and I have a very good relationship and it’s very comforting knowing I have her in my corner. When I turn to my mom things are never awkward. She has never judged me or made me feel terrible for the way I may be feeling. I would rather turn to my mother for help than a friend. As much as I value my friend’s advice, my mother provides a type of support I just can’t get from friends. As teenagers themselves, my friends also have a lot going on. I can’t count on them to be there fully for me and my problems when they’re loaded with their own. On contrast, there are many teenagers out there who unfortunately don’t share a bond with a parent. This can cause a huge struggle in a teenager’s life. Some may turn to teachers, coaches, or friends for advice.
The article mentions that sometimes teenagers just simply want to be listened to. I agree with this 100%. We have so much going on; we often just need someone to get everything off our chest. Someone who will caringly sit there and take in all our problems and feelings. It lets a person know they’re not alone and gives them a way to relieve some stress. Teenagers go through so much; the worst thing is to be going through it alone.
2
When something bad happens to me, usually I go to my friends for advice, and my parents, not so much. There are times where I do ask my parents or a trusted adult for advice, but that’s only when I’m desperate for advice and can’t ask my friends for advice or it has something to do with my life out of school. It’s hard for me to ask any adult for advice because it feels awkward for me asking someone double my age for advice and sometimes, they’ll get mad at me for the consequences of my dumb actions. It’s also weird because I don’t tell them a lot about my life so I would have to give them the backstory as to when talking to my friend, I just tell them what I want to tell them without telling them the backstory. I ask my friends for advice more than adults because when I ask my friends for advice, it’s generally less awkwards because they’ve probably been through something similar and they’re also the same age so they’re more understanding of my situation.
I recently watched "The good place" on Netflix like 5 times and it is exactly about the subject of moral ethics.
How could we say that a person is good or bad ? Many philosophers pondered the question. Depending on which principle we use, we can be considered good or bad.
For example, consequentialism means each action has a moral value and its sum total will tell whether it was good or bad.
With this principle, we all are more or less bad in this society because our actions always involve bad consequences like pollution of the planet. So accordingly we are all bad.
Another way to judge ourselves is deontology. There are rules to follow to be a good person. So a person who always do that is a good person.
Aristotle stated we are all capable of improvement. We can't be judged about what we did but what we are now.
In this way even if I am actually bad, I can still become good.
I have no idea I am good or bad but I'm always doing everything to improve myself. We never stop learning.
I think this is very difficult, because I'd say the majority of my generation isn't talking to their parents, but there still is the people who do. I personally talk with my parents about a lot of my life, but there are times when I am very uncomfortable to do so or feel like I won't be punished for speaking my true feelings. The truth is, that with LGBTQ becoming more prominent and today's youth having the highest rate of suicides and mental illness, we can see that many have not and will not talk to their parents. As someone who is anxiety riddled and depression. I have had many hard times throughtout my life and holding in my feelings. And nothing is more encouraging to continue to do so than one of my parents yelling at me for little things. I believe most parents won't be able to understand our generation, but I feel that they should still try. The true problem is that most of our parents don't listen. They hear what they want to hear instead of the true intonation we portray when telling them about our day.
@Haven JL I agree with you that parents don't always hear their teen's issues as they should. It seems that sometimes their protective instincts take over, causing them to think only of how to prevent what harm may come to us rather than what we really want to walk to walk away with when it's all said and done. They want to prevent us from any serious troubles, but forget about how their solutions may affect our everyday happiness, like straining our friendships or limiting how long we spend doing what makes us happy. It may be irritating, but that's how they tend to think. The best option may still be to share your problems with them, but try to get their reasoning behind why they believe in a certain solution and attempt to compromise.
I like telling my parents about some event that happened to me with my friends or with my crushes.
I turn especially to my dad because he's like my best friend and I tell him almost everything. We have a special dad daughter relationship.
First of all I turn to my best friends and after if i need one more masculine opinion I turn to my dad because he's older so he could tell me something consistent with the stituation.
I don’t remember the last time I’ve sat down and had a deep conversation about how I’m doing to my parents. They were never really considered my to-go people. In fact, I never thought of any family member to be a person to talk to. I didn’t have the feeling of opening to my parents so instead, I go to my friends or sometimes my other family members.
Whenever I tried to tell my parents something that was really bothering me the response I got back was never the answer I was looking for. “You’re too young to feel sad, in fact, you barely do anything why would you be sad?” That answer haunts me every time and slowly but surely, I stopped trying to express my thoughts to my parents. It felt like needles and knives stabbing my brain, was I too young to feel “sad”? Was I not doing enough to be valid to sad emotions?
Me not frequently talking to my parents about my feelings and well-being has led to questioning who the ones that actually know me better my parents or my friends. It’s sturred up a lot of problems growing up, with me and my ongoing habit of keeping thoughts to myself. Slowly turning me into an introvert, and that made it worse for me to express my feelings. Yet those habits still follow me and wash over my thoughts until now. All this led me to a distant relationship with my parents and my family members the older I get. The more I think of it, it just feels like their only economically supporting me and not emotionally.
Personally I tend to not come to my parents for advice all that often. In my experience parents tend to not have experience in the types of situation that kids nowadays deal with. Times are different nowadays and kids deal with very different complications than most of our parents did when they were younger. I also feel that my parents and others parents try to direct their kids instead of giving them advice. When I need advice I tend to lean towards my very good friends that I trust and that I know have experience in the subject that I need advice in.
Many times I don’t feel comfortable going to my parents for advice. I often know that whatever I will admit to them will be responded with “well when I was your age...” Because of this I have created a mental list of other people that I feel comfortable going to for advice, whether it is other friends(my age), older family friends, or even my teachers. This issue has been an age old problem. Even if parents have experienced similar past events they usually are unable to convey this to us. With the rise of technology, our issues are often complicated. Though the root of the problem may be simple and similar to that of our parents they often can’t see that.
Whenever I seek advice, I prefer to not ask my parents because we have very different views on almost everything. It is always hard to consult with them because it always ends up turning into a big argument and leaving me in tears. Our life experiences are completely different, making it difficult to connect and relate with each other. Although we were born and raised in the same country, we still experience a clash in culture because of how different our living conditions were growing up. I’ve been lucky to grow up in a comfortable, safe, and modern world, where I get to interact with people from all around the world. My parents, however, spent their childhoods doing labor and trying to get out of extreme poverty. This causes them to see emotional issues as “first-world problems” instead of actual troubles that should be taken just as seriously as other problems. I don’t blame them at all for this way of thinking, as it made sense given the time period and environment that they were raised in. However, it still causes an emotional barrier between me and my parents, that prevents us from really developing good emotional conversations.
When I’m faced with a difficult situation, I tend to turn to others for help. Sometimes parents are a good resource for certain things but other things may be to personal to share. For example, depending on your relationship with your parents, you may not want to talk about intimate situations with other people. Sometimes they may make you uncomfortable and may do more harm than good to talk with a family member about. I feel that although some things are in fact too personal to talk about, turning to your parents is a beneficial thing. Parents have many answers and can understand you as a person more than most people. Teens need guidance in hard times and i think that parents are one of the best resources for that.
I feel like there is a de-facto “disconnect” between parents and teenagers that will almost always exist. However, this disconnect can be fixed by realizing that parents were teenagers once as well and have experienced similar situations. Additionally, I think a level of closeness is helpful when speaking to parents about problems. For instance, I feel like my mother and I are close and I don’t feel a barrier between us when I come to her with my problems. Building a relationship as friends helps to overcome the parent-kid disconnect.
Turning to parents for advice is not something that teenagers do for every problem that they have. Parents sometimes ask if their child needs help or tell them that they can talk to them about anything. Parents can definitely be helpful for certain situations. These include driving, work, and taxes. Although parents can be helpful, teenagers do not like to talk about some things with their parents. This advice they might need could be for personal situations with friends and partners. Teenagers find asking parents for this advice to be awkward or embarrassing. It is a good idea to ask parents for advice, but is not always the best option for some topics.
I say that this is something to agree on. It is very interesting and relates to my own real world problems. I perform similar actions with my own parents, as said in the article, “Adolescents may also share what’s on their minds as a way to spill their jumbled thoughts on the table, where they can survey and perhaps organize them.” This is like how most teenagers, including me like to state our issues, hoping that our parents can help us fix them.
Adolescents should feel comfortable releasing their problems to adults, but they should not have to release the information to their parents. Lisa Damour states that people who have expressed their problems to another person, they noticed that their “problems feel better when they’re on the outside rather than on the inside.” With releasing their problems to other people, teens are able to handle their issues better. Holding in the problems without releasing them may cause their feelings about their problem to boil to the point where the teen may not be able to handle it any longer. To add to this, young adults should feel comfortable with expressing their problems to another adult that does not necessarily have to be their parent. For example, when I attempt to get advice from my parents, they tend to be one sided in the discussion where I only gain one perspective that is not helpful in solving my problem. Parents want to believe that their child is in the right even if what has occurred is incorrect. On the contrary, teens also tend to only tell part of the story when trying to ask their parents for advice because they do not want to get in trouble with what has happened. Adolescents should look for advice to an adult they feel completely comfortable explaining the whole story too which may or may not be their parent.
While a lot of kids may think that their parents are out of touch so their opinion isn’t valuable but this is often outweighed by life experience. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents and I ask them for advice a lot. I found that they have especially good information about relationships with friends, family and significant others. If I do ask for advice I am always really surprised with how well they understand the problem. It really shows the power of experience.
I turn to different people for advice depending on the situation. I consider my parents very wise, so I often turn to them for advice. The older I get, the more I realize my parents are right about lots of things. I confide in my mom a lot, because I love and trust her. I also confide in my older brother because we are close in age and he has been in a lot of similar situations. I feel lucky that I have people in my life I am willing to confide in, and I hope that everyone has a least one person like that.
I received helpful advice from my mom after a breakup. I went through a bad relationship. It was not until after the relationship that she came to me and told me she did not like the guy, but she told me that I had to go through it. She said I had to make mistakes to learn. While this has been said throughout my lifetime it did not click until then. This was the best advice because she let me make my own mistake and then afterwards helped me up by telling me that it was ok to make mistakes like that. I turn to her when I have a problem now because I know she will let me deal with it hands on while she simply cheers me on from the sideline.
Today and in the past, the youth and parents find themselves on either end of a rope playing tug-of-war. Parents want to instruct their kids to function the way they see best and kids want to do their own thing and test the boundaries of the restrictions put one them. What parents don’t understand is that kids don’t fit into one mold and come out the way they want, it takes time to understand their individual needs and the way they learn. The best way for both parties to win is to build a relationship and respect. When an adult figure is well respected, kids don’t want to disappoint them, therefore they abide by what that person would want them to do without enforcing it.
While talking to parents may be uncomfortable, it may just be the cathartic release that is needed to move forward, even if they don’t understand. The unhealthy isolation that may teens establish with their parents may be a larger problem that we give credit. Articulating my thoughts often helps me release stress and move forward, as I know that even if my parents don’t give a solution, at least there is someone in my corner ready to back me up. This is a powerful anxiety-reducing outlet that some peers seem to reject. While at first relating to your parents may seem uncomfortable, it is an important to get our thoughts off of our chests, as releasing this tension may be the relief we need to move forward in our daily lives.
It is not a little known fact that teenagers don’t turn to their parents for help. However, the funny thing is that parents still don’t know why kids aren’t reaching out. The problem is this, adults do not understand what kids are going through in today’s society. While yes I understand that adults were young once, they must also understand the difference in what kids are exposed to these days. That is truly why teenagers would much rather go to their fellow peers for advice then to their parents. Now of course one would not make the debate that adults and or professionals are not more qualified to give advice, but today’s youth would much rather go to someone facing the same issues as them then someone who has been disconnected for years.
The article talks about how parents can improve communication with teens. Often I think that teenagers struggle going to their parents or guardians for support because they do not want to feel judged. Teenagers are judged everyday by society on every little thing. They do not need that hard judgement from their parents as well. I also think that the parents often feel awkward asking their teenage children hard questions about what they are dealing with. The parents do not want to offend them by saying something wrong and them getting angry and freaking out. Personally in my life, I find that I am lucky enough to feel comfortable with going to a couple of other adults in my life besides my parents. Sometimes it is just easier to not get my parents involved in what I am going through. It is sadly like that for many teenagers, not jus myself.
Puberty makes it very difficult for teenagers to open up to parents as they much prefer turning to friends for comfort. I used to argue with my parents a lot because we’d both have different views on things and we were just never really on the same page. Coming to my parents for advice never really crossed my mind back then, thinking that they’d never understand because ironically, most of my problems started from my parents. Despite that, I began to open up more over the years, especially to my mom, and share my problems with her. That was when I realised that mother really does know best. Sometimes handling an issue by yourself isn’t always the best idea. My mom became very understanding after I started to open up about my issues. Sometimes conflict between parents and daughter isn’t always because one is wrong and the other is right, most of the time it really is just miscommunication. If we don’t communicate, then there’s no way our parents would understand us. Overall, I’d definitely come to my friends to vent about certain issues because, being the same age, they’d understand but when it comes to bigger problems then I’d turn to my parents for advice.
This article talks a lot about how teens don't always feel comfortable to turn to their parents for advice. I believe that it depends on the advise you need. For instance if you need dating advice or something along the lines, you could turn to your friends and see what they have to say. If the advise is changed to college or something along the lines then parents are a great way to get advice because they will be a part of that journey with you. With something like college, they will see the journey and decisions that you make on that topic so getting there advice on that topic is a smart move. They however may not need to give you dating advice because they will probably not be as involved with you and your journey on that topic. If you want there advise then you want them to be a part of your derision and journey so. I always say that you should never base your life decisions on advise from people who don't have to deal with the results.
While the article touches upon the idea that teenagers and youth in general don't always feel they can turn toward their parents, I find in my own life that I have always been able to do so. My mother has remained one of the people I confide in most. This, I believe, is a relationship she made a conscious effort to form. From a young age, she always served as someone who would listen to me. Nowadays, as I deal with larger issues than before, the ingrained trust has remained, allowing both of us a space for discussions. Overall, parents play a larger role in how their children talk to them than they may expect. It must begin from a young age with creating an open and safe space for discussion.
@Emma Grubb I agree with Emma’s idea that establishing trust at a young age is important. While still influenceable, children should learn to trust their parents. Later in adolescence it may be more difficult to break through the discomfort to reach out to parents. Although it is not all the parents’ responsibility, if at all possible, meaningful bond made at a young age will likely reduce stress later in development.
I’ve grown very close to my mother throughout my life, mainly because we have gone through many things together and are very alike. On the other hand, it is very difficult for me to talk to my dad or ask him for advice. I believe teenagers have a hard time talking to their parents because they believe their parents will judge their decisions. It’s also difficult to talk to them if they’re a lot different from you. It’s easy for me to talk to my mom because she asks me for advice and is open with me too. If more parents were like this with their children, and instead of attempting to make everything a “teachable moment,” it’d be beneficial if they would just listen. If you give your children the space to deal with things their own way and always be there for guidance when it’s needed, they will have no problem telling you about what’s going on in their life and asking for advice.
Bad memories stick out more than good ones. I remember when my dad would spank me when I did something wrong, my mom would hit my hand with a spatula so hard that the spatula broke. I still loved them even after all that, though. Don’t worry, my dad has gotten much better, he realized his mistake and fixed it. My mom died before she could do anything. But while my dad wasn’t physical anymore, he called me fat, big. My step-mom was worse, “If you get fat, no one will be friends with you.” And my parents wonder why I don’t talk to them that much. My friends would always listen to me, even if I’m in the wrong. When I’m wrong, they would explain it in a way where I could understand what I need to do to improve instead of constantly scolding and insulting me. But even after all that, my mind was still pretty dark, and when SSIS saw that my mom died, they recommended that I see a therapist. That was one of the greatest decisions in my life. I told my therapist about, my anxiety, my isolation, my insecurities and he would help me. Tell me ways I could improve and told me that I wasn’t fat. Asian standards are just different from American. And while I’m still insecure about certain features, my therapist helped me more than I could imagine. Actually, my therapist is the only adult I’ve ever fully opened myself to.
Do You Turn To Your Parents For Advice?
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/19/learning/do-you-turn-to-your-parents-for-advice.html
I believe, as a 16 year old who is constantly dealing with piled up homework and “social dramas”, that the advice Lisa Damar is spreading to parents is extremely beneficial when it comes to dealing with your teen’s problems. I often find myself trapped in my head, desperately seeking out someone with whom I can share the distressing thoughts that are constantly plaguing my mind. I just want to release all of the extra weight from my shoulders by talking to someone, specifically an adult, who can make me feel like my reactions and feelings towards these inconveniences are entirely rational. Unless explicitly asked for, the majority of teenagers today, including myself, would rather not hear all the ways that a parent can solve our problems better than we can, or be presented with even more information to cloud our already congested brains. Instead of being alone with a damaging thought process, it is highly beneficial for a person to seek out someone who can provide “empathy” and “who will be willing to keep them company in their distress,” and if that person happens to be a parent and or trusted adult, then it would do them well to follow the advice that Lisa Damar provided in her article, and to “let them vent
Each person is dfferent. From their ways of showing affection to talking about personal problems. Personally, I don't always go to my parents for advice. A lot of times, kids can say that if you don't go to your parents for help, you're not close enough with them. Although I'm actually incredibly close with my parents, I just feel more comfortable talking about issues or problems that I face as a teen with my friends. I find it much easier at times because they can relate with me more since they're living the same sort of lifestyle or they could be going through similar problems. I feel that at times some parents are quick to judge either to think if you're being mean or if another person is being to you and they can jump to conclusions. I know I can always turn to my parents for support and they support me 100% in everything but I do however choose not to talk to them about all my problems because I already have great friends that support me and can relate it to me more. Furthermore, I'm very open about my feelings and problems towards things so I do tell my friends quite a bit because I know I can trust them but there are however some things I keep to myself because that's my personal decision. Overall I do feel better understood by my friends than my parents when looking for advice.
As many teenagers go through puberty, they don’t really talk to their parents. Since they are contacting friends online, playing games and hanging out. However, I feel like if you want to listen to serious advice, teachers, or parents are the people to look for. First of all, they have experiences since they have also gone through puberty and they have more experience. They really will give you advice since they would like to help you. However, most friends don’t take them seriously, or they ignore them. However, this doesn’t specifically mean we should turn to our parents for advice. My experience shows that friends are better for advice in certain topics such as school life or sports. One of my friends back in Korea advised me that even if I am not as good, my team is on your back for back up. This was when I was bad at any sports and I was terrified. Also, as in talking about problems, I feel much more comfortable talking to friends than I feel talking to my parents. I don’t know the exact reason but any time I feel more comfortable with my friends. So that’s the reason why I don’t really turn to my parents for advice but friends.
I rarely go to my parents for advice; my usually gives extremes as solutions and my dad is busy with work when I have time to talk. But when I do talk to them about problems, I often feel like I’m not heard- they rarely follow any of Ms. Damour’s advice. So instead, when I have a problem and need an adult’s opinion, I usually talk to my aunt about it. She is rational and doesn’t have kids, so I don’t get the cliche parent answers that I would receive when confiding in my parents. When I talk about a problem, like Kathleen Deedy, around 90 percent of the time “‘I just want to get it off my chest.’” But when I’m seeking advice, I usually have been dealing with the issue for a while, I have tried multiple things to fix it, or it’s something I’ve never had experience with. For example, I have had a concussion for almost 8 months now. I struggle daily with memory problems, headaches, and slower processing speeds. I also have to balance school and concussion appointments, which has been a huge difficulty for me. I’ve had many talks with my parents and family members about my concussion and how it has impacted my school performance and how I can try to get better. Some of the advice I’ve received has really helped me and I’m thankful for that. I wish more adults would practice the advice given in the article. If so, I feel like they would see more of their teenagers coming to them with problems.
In my experience it’s hard to talk to my parents about my problems. I don’t know why but maybe it is due to our relationship with one another. I can see a lot of people would agree with me on this fact as it's harder to relate to your parents, plus it is awkward and sometimes even scary to talk to them. I never really talked to my parents about my problems and mainly the reason for this is because I can’t relate to the advice they are giving me and sometimes it’s not relevant. They lived different lives than me and it will be hard for them to give advice relative to my generation. Talking to my parents is also very unproductive and during the time I was talking to them I actually would have solved my issue or at least made it easier to handle. Many people including myself will also agree that personal issues should be kept to ourselves or at least to our families. I also don;t like to rely on others, i feel like it would be better for me to keep to myself although there are going to be times in everyone’s lives where we will have to open up to someone for support whether that’d be a school counselor, parent or friends.
My parents are good at giving advice for many things in my life like what kind of school I should learn. However, they are not good at listening to me and they often misunderstand the problem. Also, they often overreacted and they have no clue about teenagers’ hobbies and habits. They don’t know what a person my age likes or what kind of shirt I wanna wear. So whenever the problem is related to that, I come to my friends instead. My friends know more about me, about school so they give better comments to me. But for important things like my plan to study abroad, my parents can give me better advice because they have more experience. That’s why I ask a variety of different reliable people about different problems.
Whenever I seek advice, I prefer to not ask my parents because we have very different views on almost everything. It is always hard to consult with them because it always ends up turning into a big argument and leaving me in tears.
Our life experiences are completely different, making it difficult to connect and relate with each other. Although we were born and raised in the same country, we still experience a clash in culture because of how different our living conditions were growing up. I’ve been blessed to grow up in a comfortable, safe, and modern environment, where I get to interact with people from all around the world. My parents, however, spent their childhoods doing labor and trying to get out of extreme poverty.
I find it hard to talk to my parents about my problems. I feel like they don’t understand. My parents have said, “I was a kid once, I understand what is going on,” but do they? Yes, they were a kid once but not in this time and certainly not during my lifetime. Because of this, I prefer to talk to a friend or sibling about my problems. They seem to understand a lot more, and they know that sometimes I don’t want them to criticize or give me tons of advice, I want someone who will listen.
I think I can get great advice from adults especially, my parents. Since I am very close to my mom, I always ask for advice. It’s because my mom is the person who knows me best so I believe that she can give me great advice. My friends and other people say that it is hard to have a conversation with their parents because they have different perspectives. I wouldn’t disagree but for me, it is easy to talk to my parents.
Moreover, I talk to my parents when I am struggling with my friends. I would also talk to them if my problems were related to education. However, if I have problems that my parents might not understand, I talk to my friends straight away. I face different kinds of problems in my life and I think that my parents can help me with lots of them.
part 1
I'm the oldest child in my family. I have three other siblings: my brother (13), my sister (6) and the youngest sister (1). I think that we are really close right now. I still have problems with my brother sometimes but that just how is it happens in any relationships between siblings. We were always close but i feel like as old we are getting as close our friendship becomes. We have so many things in common right now so it's very interesting to live with a person who can understand you. What about my sister? I have a really close relationship with her too. Of course spending time with younger siblings is a lot easier. But we are also very close because the time when she was younger I was babysitting her for a long time because of my parent's work. And we still spend a lot of time together. It's very hard to see how fast time flies. How tiny she was and how bigger she gets. It's always very interesting having a conversation with her. She already seems like a grown girl. But for me she will always be a tiny little baby. The youngest of my siblings is so adorable and I love her so much. Even if she's really young right now i already know that we are really close to each other. She is always smiling at me and I like to spend time with her as well.
For me, I’ve always specifically come to my mom for advice. I don’t go to the counselor ever unless they ask me to. I don’t usually ask the teacher because the directions are always apparent. I don’t ask my friends that much either because there’s nothing to ask them. It’s not that hard to ask someone for information. It’s just that it had never crossed my mind that I should go to a friend, teacher, or counselor for guidance. I’ve never really needed help in the first place. In my family, when we have dinner, we would continuously share stuff. My dad doesn’t give advice that much. Sometimes, I would ask my brother about math, but I could search it up online and learn. Though I guess my brother does give me some excellent tips on swimming sometimes. I think my mom is like the only person who actually gives me information, useful advice. She is that one person who is also extremely good at persuading people. She could talk for 10 minutes, and people would be convinced. She’ll motivate me sometimes when I’m just getting by each day without doing my best. She’ll give advice like what I want to do in life should be what I want. And she’ll be there when I feel sad, and she’ll be there to tell me that I should work hard so that I can see the world. Travel to places and be happy.
Growing up, I've never really relied on anyone in my family including my parents for any piece of advice (no matter what the matter was about) so I grew up having the mindset of only relying on myself to solve matters I'm going through. The main reason why I kept my issues from my family is that I always found it super-awkward and uncomfortable to open up to my family when it comes to matters that don't concern them such as school and my private matters. I find it painstakingly frustrating to open up to a different generation as I always have to spend half an hour just to explain something simple when I could just open up to a friend and just get to the point. Therefore, I've never asked my parents for any advice whatsoever but instead most of the time, they come to me with the deep life advice instead, shoving me with it at times, and somehow I swallow most of it (HAHA). The parent life advice I got, always numerous, were always individually unique and extremely beneficial if put to good use in the right method.
In our daily lives, many teenagers do not like to ask their parents as their primary source of advice. Usually, this is because they think that their parents would worry too much, or their parents won't understand how they are feeling.
In middle to high school, children are faced with unwanted stress. Most children think that asking for their parent's help would just worsen the situation. For example, when my friend was studying for his first exam, he was in alot of pressure due to him overstudying. However, he didn't want to talk to his parents because he thought that they would just tell him to study harder. As a result, he went to his counselor for advice, and from that, he was told to use a study method, and make sure to not overwork and have breaks when he needed it.
That helped my friend alot, and compared to a student whose parents decided to ‘help him’ by cutting down on his free time to study harder, my friend's marks were significantly better. A quote explains that "At these times, offering a sincere, “Oh man, that stinks,” or “You have every right to be upset,” can be enough to lessen their distress.”
Therefore, I believe that it is best for parents to know that more work might not be the solutions that children need, and that others exist. Parents could learn from counselors not to give them more work, but to keep them company and give them motivation.
part 2
I'm studying abroad right now so i can't see all of them and sometimes I'm really upset because i feel like i miss a lot of things. I facetime them twice a week so my little sister wouldn't forget me and I think it works. I really miss them and look forward to coming back to my country to see all of them.
I honestly like to share my problems with both my parents and friends. When I do have problems I tell both parents and friends. I go to my friends because they give me sympathy because they have way more similarities because we go to the same school and that’s where most of the “problems” happen. I go to my parents for solutions and comfort because if you think about it they actually have been with you for your whole life. They know what’s best for you and what you shouldn’t do. It may actually be switched around, maybe friends give you comfort and solutions because they have an idea of what you’re going through during school and your parents giving sympathy because they’ve been with you for your whole life. I might just like to talk to both parents and friends because I really like to talk but both parents and friends give you so much more help than figuring and trying to solve everything by yourself.
When I have a problem it really depends on what it is that decides who I turn to. For teenagers I believe that you don’t really want suggestions you just want to be heard. Most of my problems I turn to my friends because it is just way easier. No need to explain or get talked to a bunch. My friends can already understand. For example, when talking to friends you never need to add all the details and you won't be asked questions. Your friends know other people's personalities and have already heard what people talk about in school.
Usually I don’t experience many problems that I need to talk to my parents about, and if I do need to tell them something it will only be minor. You always get that awkward feeling with your parents where you have to hide some details. When I need advice on a problem it has to be my friends because my parents always get too worried about nothing big at all.
If I had to tell my parents anything it would most definitely be my mom because she understands and helps me. When it comes to my dad he would just tell me something like “suck it up” or “shake it off”. Overall it would have to come down to my friends being the ones I would talk to.
I find it easier to talk to a close friend or my sister about something that had happened or is happening. The reason why I don't talk to my mom about stuff is that she has a different view on things and will start to judge whatever is happening. Most people my age don't like to go to their parents about stuff because we are hard-headed and don't like to hear what they have to say
I feel like I am pretty open to my parents about what is going on around me and telling them if I am struggling in something. When I tell my parents something they always give me great advice and I feel like I can always turn to them and know they will help me out. They have always been there for all my siblings and I, trying to make it to 4 games all at the same time. My parents and i get along very well, which is really good.
I am privileged enough to have been born into a life with very loving parents. I can talk to my parents about anything and know I won't be judged by them. I talk to my parents about a lot of things such as what I want to do with my life, society, the purpose of us being here, school, and just life in general. Is it weird that I find it easier to talk to my parents about serious topics than I do with friends? Maybe, but I don't care. When I was younger I used to think that all teenagers were mean to their parents and never talked to them. But I am sixteen and never once not opened up about something to them.
I relate to the article because when I talk to my parents I don't try to sound articulate or anything, I just like to vent. I like to just get my thoughts out and then we analyze and talk about them. Like the article said most teenagers are searching for empathy and just a listening ear and that is the case sometimes but other times I am looking for advice or instructions.
I go to my parents-especially my mom- for advice about anything and everything. I love talking to my parents about my life and letting them be involved. While most parents do interrupt with their thoughts and sometimes give unwanted advice, my parents and I have worked out a way where we communicate what I need from them, where they “let me vent” if I need to. For example, if I just need to vent and I am not looking for advice, I will just simply tell my parents that I need to vent, but if I need advice, I will tell them that I need some advice to deal with my problems. Also, with some problems I feel more comfortable talking about it with my parents rather than my friends because I do not want to bother my friends with all my problems, when I know they are just as stressed as I am, or I know that my problems really have nothing of interest to my friends and that they will not know how to advise me.
One of the biggest supporters in my life are my parents. There are moments where I feel uncomfortable explaining my situations to my parents because of the awkward interactions I would encounter between them and I, and there’s a possibility my parents won’t understand too. Besides my parents, I have other adults in my life that support me too. I believe that one of the main struggles parents can’t understand teenagers are because of their age difference, a teenager’s activities which includes relationships, and different mindsets for example parents want their kids to go to college and have a successful life, while some teenagers don’t take studies seriously. Parents have responsibilities to protect their children, but because of some parents they can be overprotective and some teenagers won’t understand why parents can’t be more laid back while parents can’t understand how teenagers can be so careless.
Sharing your problems with parents can be difficult and uncomfortable, especially during the teenage years. Teenagers tend to value friendship over their families when they hit puberty. As much as it could be hard at first, talking about your problems and getting advice can be really helpful. I think deciding who to turn to for advice really depends on the situation. Personally, I prefer to ask friends for advice when I feel they can relate to me more or are simply easier to talk it out to. In contrast, when I need to rant about my school life or need a trustworthy third-person’s mature opinion, I like turning to my parents because they’ve already been through it all already and are more experienced. I sometimes reach out to people for advice, but I’m not really the type of person who talks about my problems to other people. I feel like it might be a burden to them, and think that I should be responsible for solving my own problems. It’s not that I don’t trust my parents and friends, it’s just that I prefer to not talk about my problems because I also think talking about it makes it worse at times. I’d consider myself as more of a listener or an advice-giver to my friends, and it really pleases me when the advice I give to my friends helps solve their problems.
@Hye Seon. I understand that it may be hard for kids to tell there kids special thing as about them. Yes it’s great to tell your friends things but it’s better for your parents because they will have a mindset of nothing should affect you to a point where you can’t do things.
I don’t really ask my parents for advice. This is because the problems that I have are problems in the modern world. Even though my parents have lived longer than me, the world around us has changed so much. When my parents are young, there were to smartphones, ACs, or any other piece of technology. They have to live in poverty due to the war. Nowadays, our lives are much easier due to the rapid growth of technology. Most modern problems are much different from older problems. My parents aren’t able to solve these problems, so they find the answer that appeals to them the most or creates their own answers. This is why parents are unreliable. I believe the best person to get advice from is someone from our generation. These are people like friends, siblings, cousins, and more.
Often times my parents are my biggest role models, especially my dad. Whenever I have a personal, physical, or spiritual problem my dad is almost always the first person to hear of it. He loves this so he is always open for a conversation, whether it’s late at night, or in the middle of the work day. I always feel important and loved when I talk to my dad because he makes me his priority and that feels good. On time I woke up around 1 or 2 a.m. and went to find my dad. We spent the next hour and a half watching redneck car shows and talking about our problems. Another time my dad wanted to teach me to drive in sand so we stopped at a grocery store, got junk food, and drove out to the beach. Both of these examples ended with my dad and I talking for an extremely long time about nothing more than becoming a man and each of our problems.
Because of the precedent my dad has set, I always expect a man to man conversation with him no matter what. I love my dad and I am beyond lucky to have a crazy, fun dad that I respect and learn from constantly.
I struggle to connect with my parents because I don’t ever share my problems with them or ask them for advice. Everyone’s different when it comes to this, some teens are open to sharing what’s on their mind to their parents, however, some teens like me prefer keeping things to themselves.
The main reason why I sometimes close myself off from my parents is that we have different perspectives on things. I consider myself a pretty emotional and vulnerable person so I might not deal with things the way my parents want me to. A part of me is also embarrassed to share my problems and I scared of being made fun of. I’m scared my parents would make comments like “Oh get a grip, it’s not a big deal”.
Last year I did try to share my problems with them, but I decided not to again after their response. Instead of comforting me, the first thing they said was “ I mean you should reflect on yourself first, what if you’re the cause of the problem?” However, I clearly knew what caused the problem and I just want someone to listen and give advice.
Despite that, recently I started becoming more open to my family. That doesn’t mean I’m sharing all my big problems, I’m just sharing little issues I have and it actually made me feel a little bit better. Sure I might not get back the advice I want, but at least I’m connecting to my parents more.
A lot of people say whenever you have a problem, you can always go to your parents to talk about it, but sometimes that might not be the best idea. I’m not suggesting that asking your parents for advice is a bad thing, but that sometimes parents can’t even have an answer to that question of yours. Sometimes, parents just have to come up with just a simple thought in their head to tell you, to have your expectations of them meet reality, even if they don’t know what you are going through. I feel like most people would just go talk to their close friends because those are the people you spend most of your time with, and those are the people you feel most comfortable talking with. Another reason would be that you guys would be in a similar age group or even the same age. You guys could possibly go through the same problems every day, so learning that someone else besides you has the same problem as you makes you feel kinda at ease.
When I have a problem I try to figure it out myself first. I just know that I can't just live my life getting help from everyone. If it was a problem including my friends then i would try to figure it out together with my friends so that we don’t have bigger issues trying to figure it out ourselves. Also I usually don’t tell my parents about my problems. I don't know why but I kind of feel embarrassed to tell my parents about the things that are happening to me, as my mom as a therapist I would want to tell her sometimes but I don’t feel like telling because she's my mom. But to be honest I don't think that I have a lot of problems in my life and right now I believe that I am living the happiest I could. For me I'm the type of guy that likes to give advice to other people such as one of my friends had a hard time with their parents but I helped by trying to tell some solutions. I'm not sure if the friend used any of them but thanked me and I felt happy that I could help someone for once. I know that my advice isn't that good but it feels better when they smile after they had a rough time after hearing what I said. Some people also don’t always give the best advice to some people and it's fine it's a step to learning how to encourage people. As they improve it will be better for all the people around them.
My parents are exceptionally supportive when it comes to educational stuff. I think this happens because they both graduated with a top degree and wants me to be like them. Even though it is sometimes annoying to hear all the advice and solutions to problems, but it can be helpful too. Well, teenagers usually have more arguments with their parents because they are starting to build up their own opinion about what they do and they want to do it their way. There is one time I asked my soccer coach to support me for my soccer skills because I was struggling with passing defenders and scoring. I felt more comfortable speaking to him because he has more understandings of what I actually need and want. When I talk to my parents about stuff that is failing me from school, they don’t seem like they understand me a lot, so I just decided to not tell them anything after all. I’m more of an independent person where I have my own ways to do things and to explain things. However, I think speaking to a friend when you need anything support will be more effective than talking to your parents.
Many teenagers prefer to talk about their troubles with their friends rather than their parents because their parents overcare about the problem or because they think that their parents don’t understand them. However, I believe that it is way more productive and comfortable to turn to your parents for advice.
First of all, I find that my parents give me better support & advice when I ask them for advice. For example, this month, when I was thinking about what highschool courses I’ll take, my parents put in more effort for me and gave better & detailed advice than my friends did.
Secondly, our parents are the most trustable people around us who we can trust. If I have a problem that I need advice but which is embarrassing for someone to know, I choose it to share it with my parents, not my friends. Trusting your friends can be risky; you might think that they’re trustable enough to keep your secrets. However, they might tell somebody else because they care less about you than your parents do.
Lastly, our parents are wise enough to give us good advice. They’ve gone through many situations throughout their lives. Therefore, they know how to cope with many different problems. This indicates that our parents will likely give us better advice than our friends can.
Considering these reasons, it is logical that our parents can give us better advice than friends and we should turn to our parents for advice.
Just like many other teenagers, I don’t usually talk to my parents about my school or life problems. This is the age where adolescents begin to rely less and less upon the adults in their lives and more heavily on their friends. Most teenagers won’t ask their parents for advice despite the fact that mom and dad are the first teachers for them, and the most reliable ones as well. Confiding in parents can also be an uncomfortable thing to do. It is easy for teenagers to be misunderstood and judged for their actions. We can count on our best friends for all the important stuff, from facing the easiest to the toughest situations. The following is a real-life situation. People who call their best friend at 12:00 pm in tears know that their buddy will stay up for as long as it takes to help calm them down. The friend won’t mumble “Do you know what time it is?” or “Tomorrow, I have something important to do so can we call later?” or “I’m too tired! Let me sleep!”. In fact, he or she will listen attentively and without judgment to find a way to help. She will listen and try to provide comfort without saying “I told you so and you didn’t listen” or “You’ve really messed up this time!”. She would be cheering so loudly and with such affection that her true feelings can be heard, and only then we can overcome the difficult situation.
I always talk to the friends I trust when I have problems, I just think that if I talk to my parents about these things they would not understand or make it a really big deal. Even though I trust my parents the most, the problems that I have are problems that are just much easier to talk to with a friend because parents don’t know what's going on at school and what kids are like these days. A friend also usually goes to the same school and is a lot more relatable unlike parents who go work and have many different interests and hobbies. For example, if I wanted to improve my basketball form to have a better shot, I would definitely ask my friends because they know more about basketball than my parents since they play it more and know more about the sport. Also parents tend to ask a lot of weird questions when you talk to them since they don’t understand a thing. Furthermore, parents can react in a different way than your friends do, even though they only want the best for us, they still treat the situation very seriously and aren’t as chill. This is why I always prefer to talk to my friends about my problems over talking to adults.
My parents and I have a pretty close relationship, but I don’t really turn to them for advise. At least I try not to. It usually depends on the situation, if I need to decide what kind of shoes to buy, I probably won’t ask my parents, since it is my personal choice, which only depends on me and will only impact me. However, there are some situations where I need to ask my parents for an advise, for example, something that they’re more experienced with or know better than me, like how to boil an egg or how to use a dishwasher. Anyway, I try to make my own decisions as much as possible. I really like to be independent. I think, such skill can be really helpful later in life, if you start developing it at a young age. If you master responsibility for your decisions and acts, you will definitely be successful. You won’t learn, if you don’t try. For sure, parents play a really big role in everyone’s life, they’re always caring and supportive, but they also have a duty to teach their kid independence and responsibility, so one day the kid will become an adult, and begin their own life.
I don’t usually turn to anyone for advice because I’ve always believed that the only person who can truly understand you, is yourself. But if I’m in desperate need of help from another person, I’ll ask my friends for advice, instead of my parents because they just end up lecturing me. One time, when a friend and I had some misunderstanding, I tried to explain the situation to my mom, and on top of not listening, she lectured me about “not focusing on school and worrying about friendship problems”.
Even if my friends don’t care about my problems because they probably already have too much happening in their own life, they would at least act like they care. Most people just want to be listened to and get things off their chest, sometimes it’s not about the advice, it’s to feel like someone understands them. I’m not saying all of this to hate on my parents, because I know how much they both love and care, and just want what is best for me. But they’re just too judgemental, they always say that I’m overdramatic and I should be grateful for this life, instead of complaining.
Friends can relate to each other more than our parents can, because we go to the same school and are all going through puberty, but I don’t want to add to their problems by telling them my problems. So I’d just rather try to fix the problems by myself, keep it all inside, or run away from my responsibilities, like most teenagers do.
I would say it's a bit hard and uncomfortable talking to an adult with my problems. Since I feel they think they know more about it then they do. They're always saying "I was 14 once" but the thing they don't understand is they were 14 at a different time so it's different now than it was then. They don't know our peers as we do. They just think that their ways will when they don't. If you tell them it's different they don't really listen.
I Feel like I don't like talking about my problems to anyone since I don't want them to feel sad or bad for me. So that's maybe why I don't like talking to adults about problems.
I just think adults need to understand that it is a different time. It's not the same for us as it was for them. That is why I also feel more comfortable talking to my friends since I feel they understand what is going on more than my mom and dad do.
For me, I think that, to a certain extent, talking to my parents about my problems is extremely useful. My parents and close family are the people that I am most comfortable talking to about common day-to-day problems or even certain social/relationship problems, and they know a lot about what my problems are, they have experienced it at one point or another in their own life. That said, talking to my parents about some things is very uncomfortable and seems inappropriate, and sometimes I try to avoid it. Things like social problems or major complaints about certain topics are very uncomfortable to talk about with my parents, but I always have my close friends and my sister, who helps me out a lot. Overall, lots of people in my life give me advice about different things, honestly, I turn to somebody different when it comes to different types of advice for certain topics
For me, I think that, to a certain extent, talking to my parents about my problems is extremely useful. My parents and close family are the people that I am most comfortable talking to about common day-to-day problems or even certain social/relationship problems, and they know a lot about what my problems are, they have experienced it at one point or another in their own life. That said, talking to my parents about some things is very uncomfortable and seems inappropriate, and sometimes I try to avoid it. Things like social problems or major complaints about certain topics are very uncomfortable to talk about with my parents, but I always have my close friends and my sister, who helps me out a lot. Overall, lots of people in my life give me advice about different things, honestly, I turn to somebody different when it comes to different types of advice for certain topics
I do turn to my parents for advice sometimes but some of the time I don't. Since the times. I felt like they have not really understood what is happening. They always say I say a teenager once and all this stuff but the thing is we all are having different problems in our lives so a problem I am facing might not be solved with a way they have solved a simular problem. They also don't know my peers like I do and don't know the people I'm having problems with so their advice does not always work. I have also noticed that when you try to tell them that it is different they like to brush it off saying all teenagers are the same and all the problems are the same. When in reality they are not. So I usually go to my friends for advice because they might know the person and know how the person is or just because they are also teenagers in the time and they know what it's like to be teenagers now and not back then. Another thing is I don't want my parents to sometimes know that I am having problems with my friends. I feel like they start to act differently then they did before. They start to ask me why I don't hang out with other friends and if I still have other friends. I know it's out of the goodness of their hearts but it can still get really annoying and not only that but it can make me think about the people I am trying to forget.
When I was in 6th grade I figured out that I was gay. But before I came out to my parents I came out to my friends. What really helped me come out was that me and my best friend/girl friend Lilly realized at the same time that we liked each other. We started going to GSA meetings and had so much fun there. Lilly and I decided to tell our friends about us and they were very supportive. They said “they didn't care who I dated. I would always be their friend”. That amazing amount of support and the great answers helped me tell my parents. I told my parents by saying “ when I grow up I want to live on a farm and be a scientist and marry Lilly”. My mom and dad said “that was great” and it was just like a normal conversation. They are very supportive of me and so are my friends. This showed me that it is important to tell your friends and parents just differently and at different times.
There are many adults that I currently trust in my life to turn to for support. As a teenager I think it’s difficult to turn to parents for advice because we feel that they could never understand the struggles we’re going through. This is why it’s beneficial for teens to talk to other younger adults that have experienced the same struggles more recently.
As a teenager, I often go to my parents with my struggles and complaints. Sometimes I just want their support, but other times I truly do want advice. However, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that sometimes I ignore the advice they give me. Sometimes, if it’s just not the solution that we hoped for, us teenagers block it out. This article suggests that parents just need to offer support, which I think can sometimes be the best option. But us teenagers also need our parents to give us advice and lead us in the right direction. We are young and don’t know what we are doing, we need guidance even when we don’t want to hear it. So, overall I think that teenagers are going to continue to go to their parents for help. In some situations comfort is what is needed, and other times advice needs to be given. Either way, whether the teenager accepts the advice or not, I believe that the right solution that parents impose will still be planted in the child’s mind, whether they want it or not. Even though, helping may get them into a fight, parents role as an advisor in their children’s lives is still very important.
For many people, a parent is one of the only people that truly have your best interests at heart. And that goes for me. If I really need an opinion on certain decisions, my parents are my first choice. My dad always seems to always be superior to me in academic smarts. And my Mom has her own intuition and common sense that I always seem to lack.
Parents are an important part of what makes up your life. And the advice they give you can be a deciding factor in the decisions you make. And when i'm grown up and have kids of my own. I get to pass their knowledge onto them. And they will have to deal with life's struggles with the knowledge I gave them.
In my life the one person I can always rely on is my mom. She is the first person I go to when I have any kind of problem. Without her I don’t know how I could function properly. I know not everyone will or has the same experience I do but I’m extremely grateful each and every day I get the chance to talk with her. Many people are scared to tell their parents things but I consider my mom to be one of my bestest friends. The relationship I have with my mom is very open, I know more then I feel the average teenager might know, but I feel like it’s made me a stronger more knowledgeable person about a lot of things.
I find it easier to talk to my sister or close friends about something that happened or something that is currently going on in my life. The reason I don’t talk to my parents about these things is that they just have a different perspective and they start to judge when all I wanted was to talk and to explain the situation am in and what could I do or what should I do but they just never get to that point in the conversation. Another reason I would say that most kids our age that I know of don’t talk to their parents is because we are at that stage in life the pre-teen stage and for some reason sometimes we just want to be left alone, but most of time kids our age act like this and it’s normal and what I don’t like is that my parents try to make me talk to them but I’m growing up and they just don’t want to admit it that I’m becoming more independent.
@Adan I completely agree with you. I feel like most people my age are just very hard-headed and don't like to hear certain things
Many people like to rant to family members about their problems or just their day. Although some may appreciate the advice our parents give, many don’t.
Personally I prefer ranting to my friends just because they’re currently living in the same environment as you. A lot of times my parent’s beliefs clash against mine and we just don’t see eye to eye. We try to understand each other’s opinion but sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. My friends, on the other hand, can relate to me more often and sometimes they can relate to my problems on a more personal level.
I don’t really like the advice my parents give even if they have more experience than me and my friends, I just feel like times are different now and they might not understand what I’m going through.
When I get into misunderstandings with my friends, I turn to my parents even though I’m a more independent person and do things my own way without much advice. Even if I disagree with their advice I know there’s always some value.
My parents support me more than anyone else, but they grew up in a different environment with different beliefs and sometimes they don’t understand. During those times my friends are just more supportive and understanding. Even though I don’t entirely like my parent’s advice and thinking, I know that they only want what’s best for me and I will respect their opinion.
@Alexis
Talking with a friend can always be good when making hard decisions. But I wouldn't discount your parents entirely. One of the many problems I see with just asking your friends is that you only ask people that have the same beliefs that you do.
Trying to search for advice... good
Getting your advice from your friends... better
Getting your advice from a diversity of backgrounds and opinions including your parents... best
My parents and I have trouble seeing eye to eye, but I always like to get their opinions on key life decisions. And the best thing about it is that its only advice. You don't have to do what your parents recommend. If you feel that their advice will not help, then you don't have to follow it. But I do always respect getting their advice. Because even if they're right on only one thing, my life is better for it.
I can always turn to my family if I want to talk, vent or need advice. I have always had a close relationship with my family. Not only my immediate family but my extended family as well. So it is easy for me to go to my parents for advice. But I understand some people don’t have a close relationship with their parents. In that case, they should find a trusted adult or an elder to ask for advice. Certain situations need to be dealt with adults or need adult experience. Like for example, as we continue with this year, we will start picking courses for high school. When picking your courses you have to be careful as they will shape your future. Hence you should get advice from adults, because they have already done this, and can give you advice. However, if you have situations where you need to talk to someone your age, I always turn to my friends and my sister. My sister and I don’t have a huge age gap, so it is really easy for us to talk about various things. Whereas when I am talking about school or sports at our school, I can talk to my friends. Since I don’t need to give a huge background essay on the topic, I find it easier to talk to them in this situation. I am glad that I have my parents, family, and friends to talk to and turn to if needed.
My mom and I are basically best friends. We talk to each other about our problems and act like besties. Sometimes it feels like I’m hanging out with friends my age when I spend my time with my mom. However, as I started getting older, I got into fights and arguments more often rather than having fun together. It was mostly because whenever I would tell her about my problems, she would give me solutions but criticize me at the same time. Once I got in a fight with my friend told my mom about it. In the first place, my mom tried helping me and started giving advice but the conversation when on the wrong path. My mom continued the conversation by lecturing and criticizing me. Now that I’m going through puberty, I have been arguing back at her which has caused bigger fights. Sometimes I do think that it is rude to argue back but there are times where I can’t control my emotions. I think this is why I started to talk to my friends more about my problems rather than my parents because my friends give me helpful advice while being on my side and not criticizing. Not only that, but friends who are your age can understand your situation. Although my friends are more helpful, I still do talk to my mom about my problems and I am trying to not argue back to maintain a healthy relationship.
I’m a person who likes to keep their problems private. However, if I’m desperate for help, I talk to my friends, not my parents. Although my parents have already experienced their teenage life, it seems like they find it hard to relate to the things that I am going through. In addition, my friends are more current. We live and study in the same period of time, the same school, and we’re all going through similar things.
Another reason is to not worry my parents. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about my problems, I can see the concerns in their face, and I hate it. This is probably the biggest reason why I prefer talking to my friends.
However, if the problems are about my future career path or something that may affect my future, then I do talk to my parents because they have been through a lot and have experienced the “real world.”
I usually talk to my parents a lot, either for life advice, or just idiotic questions that constantly humiliate me. If there is a serious problem, I will talk to my parents no matter what, except for things they would obviously not understand and get advice from them, sometimes I talk online with friends about the issues and they give me extra validification on top of my parents’ advice. Sometimes when I blabber on to my parents, sometimes they just get annoyed and they just give me absolute joke answers. Usually, I don’t have a lot of problems but if I do, my parents are the ones who I can fall back on safely. Personally, my parents are the best advice giver as they give it in a serious and loving way to me. I usually ask my friends for advice which my parents would otherwise not understand, but usually, they help me by being good friends, but my parents help me the most.
Whenever there is something bothering me, I would go to my parents first. My parents have more life advice and more experience, but they would have too many ideas sometimes and they would talk about hundreds of possible solutions that I never wanted. If me parent’s advice doesn’t work out, I would go to my friends because they are understanding. I feel like my friends get serious when it comes to someone who is struggling because they are living the struggles too. We are in the same school and we have similar problems. Unlike my friends, my parents can sometimes get too concerned and their advice can be useless. I feel like when my friends give me advice, it makes me feel better, and when my parents give advice, they give me specific detail to overcome that struggle. Therefore, I think that both advice from both my parents and friends are helpful.
my
My parents are not someone I regularly turn to for advice. That's because most of the problems I have are either not worth their time, something I may get in trouble for or sometimes my problems are about them. It's pretty hard to not be able to talk about my problems with my parents as some kids are able to. I just don't think my parents understand me as well as my friends or people my own age do. I long to be able to go to my mom and talk out my problems with school or friends or whatever it will be but I know it won't happen. Somehow I will be the one at fault or she just won't have the time or even care to listen. I hear stories about how my friends can tell their moms anything and how their moms are their best friends but I just don't feel that way. If I need to talk something out the first people I turn to are my friends who I know I can rely on to feel better.
Headline: Friends or Adults
When I spill my issues on my parents they always have the most logical solution. The problem is that we don’t always want that solution. It is definitely hard and uncomfortable to take the advice they give.
When I have problems the first few people I will go to are my brothers. They are older and think logically but they are close to me. We struggle with these conversations because it is usually very personal and we don’t like sharing personal issues.
On the way home from school if I’m in the mood I will just talk and talk to my mom. She usually has an idea as to what to do and I take it into consideration. These ideas are usually “irritating and irrelevant” because they are not convenient to us and our everyday life.
Close friends will give me reliable advice. Sometimes when I come to them with an issue I can tell if they are being biased, this can change the outcome of a situation. I went with a biased decision instead of the logical one. My friends could improve their support by thinking what is truly best for me.
Headline: Friends or Adults
When I spill my issues on my parents they always have the most logical solution. The problem is that we don’t always want that solution. It is definitely hard and uncomfortable to take the advice they give.
When I have problems the first few people I will go to are my brothers. They are older and think logically but they are close to me. We struggle with these conversations because it is usually very personal and we don’t like sharing personal issues.
On the way home from school if I’m in the mood I will just talk and talk to my mom. She usually has an idea as to what to do and I take it into consideration. These ideas are usually “iritatting and irrelevant” because they are not convenient to us and our everyday life.
Close friends will give me reliable advice. Sometimes when I come to them with an issue I can tell if they are being biased, this can change the outcome of a situation. I went with a biased decision instead of the logical one. My friends could improve their support by thinking what is truly best for me.
@Justin Bolsoy I agree with most of what you said, however there is one thing I disagree with. A parents purpose is to guide their child through life as best they can from past experiences that they’ve learned from. I feel like parents are the best people to go to for advice. Now, everyone’s homelife is different; some people hate their parents, may not have both parents at home, etc. I do agree with you though, that sometimes we don't go to our parents because it’s not the type of advice we’re looking for.
Your point about friends advice is really interesting. I’ve found myself telling my friends what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. I do it for the very reason you said you don’t like going to your parents for your advice. They only hear what they want to hear. I have a friend that I’ve tried and tried and tried again to give the right advice to, but she doesn’t listen. Reading your comment, I feel like I’m doing her unjustly and feel like I need to change back to how I used to give advice. Because if they truly respect you, they will listen to what you have to say and take it into consideration.
i do ask my mother for advice most of the time. When i do i feel like i'm getting the right solution. But, sometimes it can be hard to talk to her. Like, when she does not understand what i'm inferring to or, i have to repeat myself. Which, gets very annoying. But, i still ask and try to explain to her. My mother is also supportive of my decisions. I don't know what i'll have done without her.
Sadly, my father was a bit judgmental. But, he also gave good advice. I'd tell him everything that happened during the week. And when im having trouble about something and, don't want to tell my mother i tell him. He was like my safe haven. We trusted each other. He'd also tell me a lot of things as well.
1
I turn to both my friends and parents when I'm struggling with a problem. Like the article suggests, I often just need to relieve myself of the weight I feel from holding an issue in to myself. Typically when I opt to go to my friends, it's because they, unlike my parents, are also living as a teen in the present-day world. If I go to my parents for things that are very specific to my school or other environments, then they don’t have the same inside perspective that my friends have. In spite of this, I find myself wanting my parents’ take often. I know that they will always tell me how they truly feel about the circumstance, even if it’s not exactly what I may want to hear. I’ve grown to respect and practically seek out this brutal honesty in my most indecisive or confusing times. I try to keep in mind that if I explain a problem to my parents, they will offer their opinion whether I asked or not. Sometimes I forget this aspect, and I’ll admit that I can get frustrated with the advice they offer. This typically confuses them, and then irritates them because they don’t understand why I came to them in the first place. When I’m not too heated to think clearly, I remember this and go to my sister to vent without interruptions. She tends to be a bit more aware of whether I’m asking for help or sympathy. I do think Ms. Damour’s article would be beneficial to my parents and similar families in attempting to understand why their teens may react to their advice in unexpected ways.
When I have a problem, the first people I ask advice are generally my friends. They usually have a grasp on what is going on in my life, and I don’t have to worry about dumbing down my stories in fear of getting in trouble- even when I didn’t do anything wrong, my parents often place more (fairly earned) blame on me than my friends, who only look at my side of the issue. When it comes to relationships, friends, and sports, my friends are the first ones I turn to. However, my mom is the one I turn to about literally everything else. When a problem gets out of hand, or I need someone who is wiser to provide certain insight that my friends cannot, I think your parents are the ones to turn to. When you want support, and someone to be a cheerleader or tell you what you want to hear, a good friend can help. But when you are really in need of advice or simply a push in the right direction, a best friend or a parent is the best person to turn to.
@Lauren I agree with you. I think there is a time and a place for your friends, and a time and a place for your parents. I also wish more kids and parents could have genuine conversations with each other. I think it would benefit everyone quite a bit. Parents just need to understand that they were in our place once and its stressful.
Personally my parents know when I got something going on. I don't usually ask my parents but when it isn't something personal like a test in school I do. They help me out, but i just feel like if it's personal they won't really know how to help. and honestly it isn't their fault because we grew up in different time periods, they probably don't have solutions for me so I just keep to myself or talk to other family or friends that are close to my age.
Since the start of Middle-school, I’ve been through the same situation. Sometimes it seems as though my parents don’t acknowledge privacy whatsoever. Constantly, I am barraged with intruding and unnecessary questions. Because of this, I feel as if I can and will never be able to open up to others. Not to mention I, myself, am an extremely private person by nature, so it has always been difficult for me to talk about my feelings and issues. As a result, I find myself talking to friends more about my life. Lately, my sister, who usually also keeps secretive about her life, began opening up and expressing herself much more. I believe this is due to her recent leave to boarding school. I think after a long time away from home, it’s made her realize the importance of family. We usually take for granted the things that we have or in this case, meet, every day. In addition to this, another reason why I prefer talking to friends is that a lot of the time they already know all the background information needed to understand, especially when it comes to school-related subjects. Where for instance, you have to give a full 30-minute explanation as to why Mark dated Emma in the first place. Despite all this, I think talking to your parents is still incredibly helpful and helps form a healthy relationship with your beloved ones. All in all, it’s great to open up and share your thoughts to both friends and family, in the end, they will do their best to help you in whatever way possible.
I know my parents have good intentions. I know that they want what's best for me. Any advice they give me is because they want the very best for me. But, all that being said, that doesn't mean that taking my problems to my parents is something that I enjoy doing. This isn't the way I wish it was, but it's my reality and something that I think I've come to expect over the years. I always feel that if I share something that's troubling me with my parents, I'm probably going to hear at one point or another how I messed up and shouldn't be in the situation that I am. Maybe for a little bit they'll comfort me, but it usually seems like those conversations I initiate about struggles end not with comforting, but with what I did wrong this time and what not to do next time. The worst part is that I know they just want what's best for me, but sometimes what's best for me isn't going to make me feel better when I'm feeling low. I can't judge or complain to them about them not supporting me because they do everything they can, but sometimes it just feels like they don't always know the best way to help me. So, although my parents love me very much, I don't feel comfortable going to them when I need support or advice. It's far easier to go to a friend who I know is going to listen and empathize, rather then tell me how I can prevent myself from ending up in my bad situation again like my parents might.
I am not the type to ask my parents for advice. I have never asked any of my parents for advice in my teenage life. My dad is a stubborn and logical man so when I tell him my concerns, he gives me an hour-long lecture and never really consoles me. He never makes me feel any better, most of the time he makes it worse. On the other hand, when I ask my mom for advice, she just doesn’t know how to give me the right answer. Most of the time, she annoys me by asking unnecessary questions leaving me with more irritation. In conclusion, I guess I just don’t like talking to my parents because it makes me uncomfortable to have such deep conversations. Since I don't talk to my parents about my concerns, I used to talk to my friends and tried to receive advice from them but I’ve realised that I am awful at talking so I tend to make my concerns sound very indifferent. So as a result, people who listen to me did not take any of my stories seriously. When I feel like people don’t care about me, it makes me feel irrelevant and useless to the world. So because of all of these reasons, now I've decided to keep my concerns to myself and don’t seek any advice because I won’t get any adequate advice in return.
Having your parent’s advice is just some part of life you must have to survive this world. Growing up, I’ve been asking my mom for advice a ton of times, but I don’t actually ask my dad a lot because he’s not stable enough to tell me any, except giving goals for me to achieve. But parent’s advice isn’t the only thing you should get, having friend’s advice when you’re in your growing time is important too, some have gone through things more than you so asking them questions is something you must do, but make sure they’re loyal and trustworthy before asking. I do give my friends advice, but they are just helpful advice to keep them have a better life. I’ve gone through a lot. Some times, I even give advice to my mom not just cooking advice or how-to technologies' advice, but meaningful life advice. Some people have gone through a lot and have almost lost their life such as me, due to negative thoughts and depressing moments in life. But thanks to the help of everybody in my life, I’ve learned and changed what I used to think and I’ve now felt way better than I’ve ever felt before.
I do turn to my parents for advice because I look up to them and I know they will always support me in anything I do. I’m happy and proud to say I take my Parents advice because others don't really have parent figures to look up to like I do. I am very fortunate to have parents that love me as much as I love them. Every child has a different relationship with there parents. Personally I have a lot of communication with my parents because I feel that I’m very close with them that I can tell them anything if they ask me. When I get home from school I always see my mom she usually asks me how my day went. I always have a response good or bad it depends on the day but that little check in makes a difference. I don’t know why but it makes me feel more closer to my mom. I really think you should take parents advice because they either have experienced or know what you are taking about and can help you.
I think that the advice given in the article is very valid and useful for parents to understand and practice. In my own experiences, going to my parents with a problem means it is either serious or important, which makes it hard and even uncomfortable in the first place to confide in them. This being said, when I tell them about my problems, I am not looking to get yelled at or judged, but listened to with no interruption or suggestions. I only want advice or suggestions if I ask for it, and when they give it to me without asking their opinion first, I get annoyed and will hardly ever use their thoughts. I think my parents practice a little bit of Ms. Damour’s advice, and if they practiced this advice more, it would be very helpful for me.
@Luca Going to your parents about life issues or concerns should never be hard or uncomfortable even if the issue is super serious. No kid wants to be yelled at by their parents when a serious talk needs to be had and parents can't help but give their opinions because they want to be as helpful and involved in your life as much as they can because they care about you. You can't always get annoyed with them just because they give their opinion before you could ask what you wanted to know, maybe you should try and tell them what you're looking for beforehand to avoid any extra conflict or stress during the conversation. I think instead of ignoring what they have told you, no matter how mad or annoyed you were doing the discussion, after the conversation just think about what they said take a moment to cool down but really think about what they said. In my experience with my parents I definity haven’t always liked what they said at that moment but in the end they were usually right and gave me some well experienced knowledge.
Most of the time i turn to my parents to ask for advice and i expect them to understand. The majority of the time I go to my friends to ask for advice, as I feel more comfortable asking them. I feel like any time I ask my parents on any kind topic, I hope for them to understand because they have also gone through this stage of life as a teenager in high school.
When I have a problem I go to different people in different situations, for example when I have as problem in school I ask my friends because they are also learning the same things. So they have the most knowledge, I never go to my parents because they usually have either forgot how to do it or they know a different way to solve it then how I was taught. If I need some advice about life in general, the. This is when I reach out to my brother or sister, both of them are older than me , so I’m usually getting advice on something that they have experienced in the past, I would not recommend taking advice from your siblings if they are younger.
As I have gotten older, I have noticed I speak less and less to my parents. It doesn’t matter whether it’s something deeply troubling or something trivial, most of my conversations involve one word replies. “How was school?” “Good.” Did you have a nice day?” “Yes.” I don’t like talking to them mainly because they can never relate to what I’m going through. They didn’t take that test or have that ridiculous homework assignment. They didn’t have to stay up until midnight to finish that project with you.
I prefer reaching out to my friends for just about anything. They understand what I’m going through because they are right by my side. I don’t have to spend an hour explaining who everyone is and all the context of the situation. I don’t have to deal with the stupid questions or patronizing I get every time I simply just want to rant about a teacher or a test. My friends can relate to all my problems, and it’s almost a relief from the stress when you can complain together about something.
Even though I haven’t spoken much with my parents lately, I know they will always be there for me. No matter how deep of a hole I dug myself in, they will try to help me climb out. It probably won’t be the answer I want to hear, but it’s sometimes the answer I need to hear. After-all, my parents only have my best interests in mind, and knowing that will always keep that door open. Maybe when I get older I'll be able to talk to them more, but for right now I think I'll stick to my friends.
@Ryan Boaz
I agree with you, and am going through all the same things that you are. I have distanced myself from my parents in recent years, and am way more comfortable talking about problems with a friend than I am with my parents. Knowing this, I don't think that I need to change. While I know my parents should be more included in my life and that I need to include them more in my life, I find it very difficult to get them to understand what I am going through. They are from a different generation, they see things different and this often times lead them to not see my side. My friends understand, they are going through what I am going through so actually understand the issues.
I feel like the advice given in the article is not very good. I don't talk to my parents so that afterwards all they say is, "Oh, that's a bummer". I talk to my parents so that I can vent my problems, but also hear what their actual advice may be. Truthfully my dad and I talk about nearly everything, while my mom and I don't talk that much about anything. My mom pretty much follows Ms. Damour's advice, that's probably why I don't vent to her that often. I don't have any other adults I feel I can talk to besides my parents. Presumably the reason teenagers don't talk to their parents is because they don't like hearing the truthful advice parents may give.
Nearly everyday I get advice from my dad about anything and everything that is going on in my life or that I need help with. All our conversations start just from talking about things that happened throughout my day. If children come to their parents to talk about things, parents shouldn't always need to give advice or an answer. Sometimes it's best if when children vent, parents should just listen and afterwards tell their kids that they're there for them if they need them. Although it may be more comfortable and easy to talk to friends, parents will more likely give wiser advice that may help you more in the long run.
Most of the time, I turn to my mom for advice (in any situation). She always says her opinion on things so confidently, which, I guess, somehow satisfies me. Even if the solution she gives me isn’t what I was particularly looking for, her reasoning on why she thought/felt that way always seems to make sense. Also, because she says things so confidently and with good reasoning, it gives me a whole new perspective to the problem. If the problem was about friends, then I would definitely go to my mom for advice even if I don’t really know what it is I want to hear from her. Most of the time, my mom takes my side and encourages me to be tough and stand my ground. I guess this is why I go to my mom for advice when I do. Sometimes, I might say random things just because I NEED to share it with someone, whether it’s a problem or something special that happened during the day. However, other times, I might not feel like explaining the whole situation, so then I just tell myself to get over it and that it’s not that big a deal. I’m not sure if it’s just me or if this is with all teenagers, but I think maybe the encouragement and solutions from my mom are probably what I wanted to hear in the first place when I confront her about a problem about school or about friends.
When I need advice or when I feel I am in a troublesome situation, I usually feel uneasy about turning to my parents. I feel like they wouldn't understand or be judgmental. Since I am a teenager I feel as If I can trust my friends for maybe they are going through the something or have been through something similar. I also feel more comfortable going to ask advice from my friends because they have the same perspective as me.
"The Puzzling Sequence of Events." Something I have experienced a lot when I try to confide in my mom or dad. I've always been a rather sensitive, emotional intellectual who is very extroverted, so naturally when I have a problem that's weighing me down either mentally or physically, I talk to the people who I trust the most in the world about it: my parents. Or, who I would like to trust most in the world.
As I've gotten older and am now a teenager, I feel more confident and comfortable trusting my closest friends or my aunt when it comes to a bothersome situation. I've started to only really go to my mom or dad to converse about important things if I feel as though I can fully trust them. Sometimes I do think it's absolutely necessary to tell my parents things, but since I am a teenager often times I feel like I can't trust them with everything.
I do hope that someday I will be able to allow my mom to be my most trustworthy confidant. But for now, I will only let her in on the most crucial parts of my life, as that is all I think she can handle without telling others.
@Sadie Dunne I kinda share your situation, where I feel like I can talk to my parents yet, I know there are some things that I can't tell my mom because she just won't be able to handle what I have to say without telling other people. So I'm not able to tell her everything, only the essential things that matter.
I've always been a worrier if there's something to worry about I'm on it. I remember just recently; my parents got mad at me because I was worried about how much water bottles for my sister's birthday party cost. It's always been my battle to try to tame and curb my fears. They've ever made sure I don't worry myself to death and are still the first people I ask advice for.
Whether it's for a spat, I'm having with my friend or the way a hat looks on my head. Most teens are getting into yelling matches and are angry at their parents, but I get along great with mine. As the article mentioned, I usually feel a ball of emotions in a situation and don't know what I'm feeling. Having my parents to translate and guide me through expressing that feeling is super helpful.
Most times, they listen to me. I love the emotional support they're willing to give me, and at some times, I'm looking for a way to vent and not the perfect fix for my issues. I love my parents and respect their advice, but sometimes I need a person as my support group.
1
@Hope Heinrichs I can relate so much to your comment because personally, I’m an individual who worries about so much all of the time. Whether it’s necessary to worry about or not, I often feel that my mind is consumed with thoughts that involve worrying. I liked that you connected your thoughts with how you communicate with your parents. I think it’s wonderful that you feel comfortable enough to vent to them and get their opinions and views on anything small or big.
Emotional support from your parents is something that I think most teenagers need and want, but not everyone gets it. I know that sometimes I look for it from my parents, and they give it to me but add in advice or critique that isn’t always wanted. It’s extremely important, as you stated, to have a strong support system in place and to have parents that provide that for you.
At this age, handling and knowing how to cope with our emotions can sometimes be quite tough, and very much a learning experience. Partly because sometimes, we just aren’t completely sure of how to deal with emotions that feel so strong and can have such a heavy impact on us mentally and physically. Having a parent or parents to help guide you through that ensures that you will have the building blocks to guide yourself through it more easily in the future.
@Hope Heinrichs I'm not really one to stress, and I generally don't ask many people for advice. I don't have many problems in the first place and most if not all are easily solvable, or I just don't believe are important to speak to anyone about. I see many of my problems as trivial even if they're not, it's one of my fatal flaws.
But sometimes things happen where I know that I have to tell one of my parents. I separate these certain problems into categorizes, and each one of my parent get a category.
If I accidentally break something, I tell my mom, because she won't get upset like my father. If I get a bad grade, I tell my dad, because he won't scold me as much as my mom. Things like that.
For the most part though, I don't have many problems, and the ones I do have I don't talk about. My parents offer me emotional support in other ways. My dad lets me vent as we play video games and he always like to remind me that if I ever feel like I'm screwing something up, to remember that I'm way better of a person than he was at my age. My mother will make sure that I feel comfortable and hover over me until I tell her to stop.
I find that as you said, sometimes vent is the best form of emotional support. I don't want advice, I don't want input, I just want you to listen as I ramble about my problems. Teenager are proud, at least I am. you giving me advice, means to me that you know the solution to a problem that I don't. Advice is best given when asked for.
Most of the time, teenagers are hesitant when it comes to talking to their parents about their problems. This is because they think their parents will not be able to understand how they are feeling. During middle school and the transition to high school, teenagers are faced with a many more responsibilities that come with a lot of stress that is extremely hard to handle. In our darkest times what we look for the most is a sense of understanding and support. When I first entered ninth grade, I was faced with my first advanced placement class. I didn't know how to handle all the work at school and my responsibilities as the oldest sibling at home. I was also afraid that if I went to my mom she would just tell me what I needed to do instead encouraging me to go on, and keep doing the good things I was doing. I think teeneagers feel this way because we know that we are growing up, and we try to be as independent as possible. When a pile of stress is dropped on us, we get lost and feel alone when we don't know who to turn too. Parents try to help in any way they can, and they usually try to help by give advice. However, in the eyes of a teenager, parents seem to be criticizing our every move when we are only look for a support system. For parents and teens to overcome this obstacle, it is best for parents to know that we are not always looking for a solution. Teenagers should also try to be more specific on what they are looking fo when addressing their problems.
@Jamyah Bernard
I agree. When I talk about school issues with my parents, I’m not always looking for a solution to my problems, sometimes I just want to be able to talk about the issues. I think that it’s hard for parents to understand exactly what teenagers go through, so giving helpful advice can be difficult. While I usually turn to my parents when I want advice on an issue, I think that going to a friend can be more useful because they can relate to my problems better than my parents can. Overall, I think that most parents are just trying to do their best, even when they can’t directly relate to the situation.
High school is a challenging time for all teenagers. It’s when we decide to either start using our parents as a resource or keep them in the dark as much as possible. Although I find it very important to be independent and make your own decisions I believe that our parents are such an important resource. They’re here to guide us to make the best decision and ultimately they know us best.
@Maeve Campanella I also think that parents are an important resource especially in highschool and most of the time they are right because they have experienced pretty much the same things we have.
I never turn to my parents for advice because as if they wouldn’t understand or they will tell me something that I don’t want to hear.Ive never had a full conversation with my parents because of the fear of misunderstandings. This could be why many others also don’t go to take advice from their parents.If I have went to my parents before for advice I feel as if I would have less regrets.
@Glenys I can understand not wanting to go to your parents for help with solving a problem because of fear that they may not understand. Personally, I do not have a tendency to go to my parents for help when I have a problem, but I think you are overlooking the fact that your parents have gone through many of the same things that you are going through right now. Believe it or not, your parents were once your age at one point or another, granted in a different decade, but they could still provide some valuable advice to many of the problems that you could be facing. I think the reason why I do not go to my parents for advice as often as I do other people is because I feel much more comfortable talking with my friends than my parents. Furthermore, my friends are going through many of the same circumstances as me and much more recently than the time my parents faced the same issues. In conclusion, I believe parents can be a source of some valuable advice if they are given the opportunity to speak their mind, but many choose not to confront them with their problems because they do not feel comfortable sharing them or they would rather talk to someone else about it.
As we grow older as high schoolers, I find it very important to be able to be independent. Personally, I don’t turn to my parents for advice when I’m in a time of need. When we go off to college there is gonna be a time when your parents aren’t there to help you, and they won’t be on the other side of the phone at the exact moment you need them. When that time comes, if you have felt with things yourself before then you’ll be alright. I do sometimes turn to them when I feel I have no other option or absolutely cannot figure out what I need to figure out.
@Charlie Musser I agree, I personally don’t ask much advice form my parents. I strive to be independent and asking help from my parents denies independence. However, it doesn’t mean my parents aren’t willing to give me advice, they always remind me to ask for any help, I choose to not ask for advice in order to be independent.
As I am a teenager myself, I'm very open with my mom whenever there is an issue or have a load of stress on me. I don't hesitate to ask her for advice when I'm lost in decisions. There is a trust that has always been there between us so I'm able to trust that she only wants whats best for me. As I'm the youngest, my mother has experienced many life lessons and is able to give me guidance in how she would handle situations. Although at times the advice becomes things I don't want to hear, I realize her advice is pushing me in the right directions to becoming a better student and overall person. The advice given is simply to provide a different point of view to get fresh input. It allows for mistakes to be made and lessons to be learned. There is a sense of being grateful for being able to rely on your parent with no judgement and with comfort.
In my experience, I rarely turn to my parents for advice. Although, they’ve been present my whole life and will have my back on anything, I mostly keep to myself. I’ve realized that I’m a person that deals with problems or struggles silently which can be both good and bad; most of the time not very helpful. Reaching out and asking for help when I need it has been something I’ve really been working towards and a personal goal. Several times my parents ask me why I don’t share much with them or really speak about what’s happening in my life and most of the time I don’t have a specific reason for that. I believe that parents shouldn’t force their children to share every detail of their life, instead let them open up on their own time and in a manner they are comfortable with. This not only eases the child but also enriches the relationship between the parents and the child.
While my parents and I have a strong relationship, in the past, I have struggled with having good communication with them about different topics. I try to always talk to them about things that I’m stressed about like school, sports, or just about anything else. I think that it can be hard sometimes to talk about certain things to parents because it might be hard to see eye to eye. But as I have gotten older, it is always good to have someone to talk to when needed. While friends are alway a great option because they are also growing up at the same time as you, it’s good to have someone older like parents to go to for advice. They might have grown up in a different way than we are, but the experience is relatively the same. When I go to my parents about something that is bothering me, I’m not always looking for them to give me an answer or for it to turn into a lecture; I just want them to listen so I can let things off of my chest. Even when I do want an answer they can give some really helpful advice. Having a good relationship with your parents and being able to talk to them about what you want or need is not only beneficial now but later too.
This article was very intriguing and interesting to me because it made me reflect on my personal relationship to my parent and what I would do in those situations. Daniels made me think about when I go to my mom to tell her anything, for advice or for comfort and how she responds, and how it makes me feel. Daniels says holding things in is worse than sharing them with others, which is what I do. Usually I’m the type to hold on my feelings until I decide I’ve had enough, I do that with my friends and my family. I speak my mind when I need to and I say what I have to say, but when it comes to my feelings, they are harder to express. Often times, going to my mom isn’t the easiest or most comfortable option I have. When I go to my mom, I have to gather up courage to face my mother in a raw, letting go of my pride sort of way in order to tell her how I feel. Since I keep my school and friend life away from home, it would be hard to connect the two. An example would be my upcoming birthday. I'm deciding not to mix a family and friend group anymore because I don’t feel comfortable. However, because I feel this way does not mean I can’t go talk to my mom when I want. She is very inviting and intimidating, but she listens to me when I speak. She will always give me good advice and tell me I’m smart, I’m capable and I should always do the right thing for me.
@Jessica Elkotbei
I totally agree with you when you said that this article made you reflect on your relationship with your parents, because it did the same to me as well. I also tend to hold onto my feelings and emotions before I would go talk to someone because a lot of the times I feel as though they can’t relate and will just think of me differently. It was interesting to hear that you completely separate your friends and school life from your family life, because for me at least, my parents always have to know what’s going on in my life and what I’m doing with whom. That’s probably part of the reason why I don’t like going to them for help because they are always breathing down my neck and prying to know everything in my life when in reality, there are things that they don’t need to know. Overall, this was an eye opening article and I’m glad that I read it and your comment as well Jessica!
Though it may seem reasonable to seek advice or help from your parents, in my case it does not rest the same. Growing up with immigrant parents was difficult, in the aspect that they were not as open enough to me and were highly strict with their parenting terms. Their strictness may have prevented me from opening up to a relationship with them, but for many cases found in immigrant families, it is more likely, causing more signs of anxiety and depression.
Clinical psychologist and a social work professor at the University of Texas at Austin, Esther Calzada addresses this issue in particularly Latino families, in which she states from her research, "such parenting -- defined as strict, controlling, and not responsive to a child’s feelings -- can lead to internalizing behaviors including depression and anxiety.". Such result is why most children turn away from their parents for advice, it is the overgrowing fear of judgment and punishment. In my own experience, as well, there are moments where it is better off keeping your feelings than opening up and risking to get further in trouble.
However, not all families are like this, there are multiple cases where parents learn to open up, and talk to their children in more comforting ways in which does not leave the kid even more stress. According to fellow Parents.com blogger, Mary MacRee Warren, she attempts to do everything her son likes, to understand her son an find a common ground for a conversation.
Part 1I really like what the article has to say. I believe it would be good advise for parents who want to start talking to their kids more. When I share my day with my mother, she lets my finish what I have to say before she starts giving advice or comforting me. I have plenty of teachers who I can go talk to and a few teachers who I can really vent to. However I think other kids my age don’t feel comfortable talking to their parents about problems they face because of a lack of trust. Trust goes both ways and I believe that some adults don’t trust their kids which creates flawed relationships. When I needed to vent when I was younger I would always turn to my english teacher. Once I came to her with a problem I had about people saying mean stuff and how I got really upset. Once I finished speaking she told me that I need to be more like duck feathers, that I needed to let other peoples words roll off of me.
@Lilian
Part 2
I have definitely felt irritated by my parents response before. This might be because they don’t understand what I’m telling them or because I wasn’t looking for a solution. I do feel like I need to have a little more patience when I’m talking to my parents. When I’m overwhelmed and tired is when I just want my parents to hear me and be there. When I’m stressed out and anxious is when I usually want advise. It’s more powerful at times to be heard and understood, than to be given solutions and sent on your way. My friends and I are all in the same setting experiencing similar problems. At times I think I would rather go to them then my parents. My close friends always seem to know what will help me, and that could be a hug or advise. I tend to going to my friends more then my parents. Both sides have their positives and their negatives.
Personally I turn to my parents for advise probably once a week because simply they have been by my side through my whole life and know what’s best for me. They have lived through high school and college, they will provide me with good advice that will be beneficial to me throughout my life. What is the worst thing that could happen, they are your parents and will always be alongside you throughout life.
@Charlie I agree with your trail of thought about parents being there since our birth for most people, but I disagree with your beliefs on their reaction and advice. Many times when a child doesn't address the problems they face in their lives with their parents it is because of the criticism they would receive. Many times we believe we will disappoint or receive heavy criticism from our family that we seek help from friends because especially when it comes to academic problems or relationship or even friendship advice many times our parents have not been in the same situation we have due to birthplace or simply just the difference in age. These two factors affect how we tackle our problems based off of the different perspectives which lead to criticism and sometimes arguments which we wish to stray away from. When you stated " What is the worst thing that can happen," I would say, the worst thing that can happen is never talking to your parents again due to an argument.
Anytime that I need advice I usually go to my mom because I feel the most comfortable with her when I need to be vulnerable and open about my issues. For the most part when I come to her with my problems she responds in an honest way even though it may not be what I want to hear at the moment. In the end I come to my senses and accept her advice, despite it being difficult to follow and execute in certain situations. However, there's times when I don't feel like going to my mom about my issues even though I know that I can because she becomes to aggressive and judgemental of me sometimes. With that being said, in the event that I do not go to my mom for advice I then turn to my dad. He is not the best at giving advice or gently putting things, but I think that he means well and I feel like I can trust him and his opinions. Overall, I have parents that I feel comfortable enough with confiding in, as many people might not have the same relationship with their parents. I am also lucky enough to have my dance teachers as other grown ups to go to if I need help because I trust them and are close to them as well.
@Kaydence Jusseaume I completely agree, I always go to my mother when I need to vent or get something off my chest, and even if I don’t like her response I do think that it is necessary that I at least take her words into consideration. I think that I am way more open with my Mom than my Dad simply because my Mom is always around and she doesn’t always try to give suggestions on what I should do, and just listens. I trust my parents very much and other than them, I do have trust in other faculty members at my school, like my coaches, but I would usually go to my Parents first.
Many times children feel like they cannot turn to their parents for advice or just to share feelings. Many children feel extremely pressured to be perfect by their parents and sometimes it’s difficult to share what we really feel because we are afraid we might upset our parents because we are not living up to their standards. Personally, I turn to my mom for advice. For some reason I have always just seemed more comfortable talking to my mom especially how close we are. The main people I turn to are my mom and my friends. It is important to remember that your mom or dad were your age once and likely share experiences with the ones you are having right now. Finally, I find that the best people to turn to for help are ones that know you best and can be honest.
@Lauren While I agree with your claim that our parents were the same age as us at one point so it is probably smart for us to talk to them, it can still be difficult. As you stated, many parents expect a lot from their children and as a child who has never disappointed, many times it’s difficult to drop the façade of perfectness. Although I personally do occasionally vent my academic problems to my parents, it took time for me to reach that point as they did not comprehend the level of difficulty in the classes I was taking.
I think that the advice that Ms. Damour gives is a great starter for parents and their kids as they’re starting to communicate on more difficult topics. Depending on the childhood or relationship between parent and child, sometimes trust is going to need to be built and Ms. Damour’s advice helps to build that trust. For me, my parents and I have a really great relationship that has been built on trust. Therefore, it’s not very hard to share my problems with them. It also helps that I’m an external processor, so I very much need to talk to someone when I’m struggling and for me my parents are the best people for that. I think parents and children often struggle to communicate in these types of situations, because there’s a lack of understanding of the other side. There’s often a large maturity difference and a generational difference in values. For me personally, my parents raised me with the same values that they have and therefore we are able to understand each other really well. I’m not always able to get this same support from friends, so I trust my parents to help me in situations as I know that they not only understand me and have my best interest at heart, but they are also older than me and I’m going to trust that maturity and experience in life.
The probability of a teenager talking to their parents about the problems relies on many different factors such as: the relationship of the parent and teen, the topic of the issue, and the importance of the issues. Depending on the teenager some may tell their parents all of their problems, while others may just handle all their problems themselves. Both my sister and I really only go to our parents about academic problems, while we go to out friends of ourselves for all the other ones.
There are many other adults in my life besides my parents that I can turn to when an issue arises. (I believe that other kids probably have other adults they can turn to as well.) I believe that parents and kids have the most problem with talking to each other about personal issues. It’s easy to talk about school or extracurriculars, but when it comes to personal problems, kids feel like they should solve the problem themselves, or they are too afraid to ask their parents for help.
Like Damour says, most teenagers just want someone to listen too. I think it is difficult for me to talk to my parents about struggles because they always try to offer advice, offering a very critical point of view. When I actually ask my parents for advice, however, it evidences the generational gap between my parents and I. In the recent decades, the world has changed so much. Because of this, I feel that some of the conversations my parents and I have are unproductive. Often, it seems that they don’t understand changing society and culture of teenagers today. However, my parents still make it a point to teach important life lessons that I will carry with me throughout my entire life, and I value these lessons immensely.
As an only child, I often find myself going to my parents during times of stress simply because I don’t have anyone else to talk to when my friends are busy. I completely agree that a lot of the time, I just need to vent. I don’t always go to my parents seeking advice, I often just need sympathy. This past school year, I have been experiencing a lot of drama within my group of friends so I go to my parents (a mostly unbiased party) to describe the issues and stressors going on. They don’t always know how to help me but they try to give advice even though I don’t want help. I just want to talk.
I often go to my parents for advice. Whenever I am upset or feeling confused I go to them to tell me something to make me feel better. While it is true that they might not necessarily know what exactly I am dealing with, especially in regards to school, they still have the wisdom from their childhood to help me out. Just being in their presence helps calm me down, because I know that they are not there to stress me out in any way.
Parents have went through the high schools days just as we have. Most parents have the experience that they are willing to hand out when their child asks for advice. Some teenagers don’t feel comfortable going to their parents for advice so turning to a different adult is always another solution. Talking to someone is always the best way to handle things because we are all human and majority of the time someone else has had the same experience as us and will be able to understand your situation. Keeping thoughts in and not expressing your feelings may have negative effects somewhere else in your life. If you don’t already have a comfortable relationship with your parents strive to make an effort to create one in the next month and see where it can take you. Creating a relationship with your parents can never hurt.
I really like what Ms. Damour said for the parents. I agree with her. When I talk to my parents and even grandparents, I’m usually just ranting. Sometimes I want advice, but I’ll ask for it. If I’m ranting and my mom says that the other person may be right and tries to defend them, it just frustrates me more. Sometimes, I just need to get my anger out. I find it quite easy to talk to my parents. I have a really close relationship with both of them and I’m thankful for that. My mom and I are very similar, I even get called her twin. She’s also very young. I’m very similar to how she was as a teenager, from grades to friends to music taste to style. We are very similar. I think that helps sometimes because she understands. I always turn to my parents and grandparents for advice but if I needed another adult, my English teacher is very very sweet and I am so thankful for her. My best friend's mom is also very caring and is always there for me. I think some parents and children just don’t have a good bond, which leads to more arguing and less trust. It may be the issue as to why some teenagers don’t turn to their parents for things like this.
1
@Mia Kennedy sometimes I go to my mom for advice, and then I realize that similar to you, I don't really want suggestions on what to do, I just need someone to rant to. This annoys my mom sometimes, because she's always looking for a way to help and when I shoot down all of her advice, it understandably frustrates her. When none of her suggestions sound like the right thing to do, this is when I realize that I don't need advice, and just an outlet to express my emotions.
When I talk to my mom it's usually sports related. I rarely talk about friends or school or anything like that, I also just don't have very many problems like that cause I stay out of drama. When I talk to her it's usually one of two things, im either happy with how i performed in the gym that day and I just want to tell her about it or I'm disappointed with how i performed and I just want to talk about how I can fix that and do better next time. I'm usually not looking for her to answer, I just want someone I can talk to about what went on that day. There are other people I could talk to that would have a much better idea of how to improve things in the gym for me, like for example my coach who writes all my programming. He could obviously provide more insight into the problem than my mom however with her I feel like I can just talk about my problems. I think this helps a lot because it sort of gives me away to talk about the things i'm thinking about without having someone say “you should do this” or “you should try that”. I can just let my thoughts out and express my ideas and ways to fix the problem or just talk about how well today went.
1
As a teenager we all experience new things and don’t understand how to handle it, so our natural instinct is to ask for advice in order to handle a situation correctly. Most individuals go to their friends for advice, which can be helpful depending if the person can understand the situation or has been through it. Yet not all advice from your peers can actually be helpful. As a individual that is a very head on, I would usually act on an issue. As my parents see me frustrated and upset they decide to weigh in without me asking. Yes, it maybe a little annoying as parents try to weigh in on something when you never asked for their participation yet it does become helpful. As my mom saw me mad, she isn’t the type to say “you have a right to be upset” or “that’s tough kiddo, it will pass” since she experienced a lot before becoming a mom, she understands my frustrations and helps me cope and inform me about what’s best in a situation. Yet, it is a little uncomfortable to go to my parents for certain situations so I do decide to confined in my friends. My parents do practice some of what Ms. Damour has advised yet they still have their own ways to help me and I’m appreciative of that.
Honestly, the only reason I go to my parents for help is if my siblings are bugging me. I don't go to anyone with anything because I tend not to have anything I'd like to talk about with anyone really. No offense but, I do this with everyone. From past experiences, people I talked to didn't help or didn't care. So I just use countless websites for information on the topic I'm on. It usually works and when it doesn't I just let my topic flow away. If it is a personal problem I ask myself will this matter in a couple of years from now and if no I don't worry about it. But, if yes then maybe I'd get some help or spill my feelings out. I never answered the question with a yes, yet.
In my experience, sharing things with your parents is important under certain conditions, but it is far easier to speak to friends. While parents mean well, they often struggle to understand what their children are going. This, especially in my family can lead to reactions that seem more critical than genuine. Parents are often too close on the issue to show an objective opinion, which can make opening up to them difficult. In comparison, good friends are consistently easy to talk to. Generally, I think having a strong support group made up of close friends is more important than telling your parents everything. As long as you take care of yourself and tell somebody, I don’t think it actually matters who you’re opening up to, as long as that person is trustworthy.
My parents are my best friends. They know my better than anyone and I tend to have a good idea of how they will react. I have grown immensely throughout high school and have become more self aware of how I act and how I think. While I know many people around my age feel uncomfortable talking to their parents about their issues, i have truly had the opposite experience. They are the first people I turn to and I am proud of our relationship and how we have flourished in trust.
After school, my mom always asks my sister and I how was school- the everyday norm- and my sister usually just responds with fine and goes upstairs to her room. I usually vent to my mom on what’s happening at school, because if helps me greatly when I have someone to console with. Damours advice is that they are receptive and helpful even though there isn’t much my mom can do. Asking for advice from my mom can be challenging because she’s always interrupting my story to clarify questions regarding the opposing views which can be frustrating, but I begin to realize that she’s only doing this for the sake of trying to understand me better as a person. At the end of the day, she always turns it into a life lesson where I need to acknowledge my mistakes, or sees this as a teaching opportunity. At the end of the day I always appreciate and take in consideration the suggestions my mom gives me.
While there are many times I do go to my parents for advice, I relate to the article in that sometimes I would rather just be able to openly discuss problems I am having than receive suggestions or things I should have done better. In some situations, it is easier to go to friends or teammates for advice because they are able to better relate to certain problems than my parents are. While my parents can often discuss their own experiences with school or life in general, society and school are constantly changing, so it can be helpful to also have a younger perspective.
I personally rarely ever turn to my parents for advice. As I grow up not only am I becoming more independent, but they are also less helpful with situations. I’ll tell them some things if I really need advice and think they would be helpful but most of the time this isn’t the case. I know they will always do the best they can and try to help no matter what, but most of their advice is just out of date and they don’t realize that. I also have strict parents and with that I can’t tell the full story to most things I need advice for without getting in trouble typically.
Unlike most teenagers in this day in age, I talk to my parents about almost everything that goes on in my life. I don’t talk to both of them about everything - I don’t talk to my dad about the romantic aspects of my life - but whenever I have a problem, I always go to them for help. Talking to my parents honestly makes me feel better about whatever is bothering me, and they also give me good advice on how to handle things and how to do things to be as successful as possible in my life. I would have to say that I ask my parents for advice more often than ask my friends for advice, just because they already lived through high school before and they know things that could help me to be successful and happy.
I can honestly say that over the past couple years I have gone to my parents less and less for support or to just talk to about my issues. I think for other people it depends on how your family has communicated throughout their lives, in my family we’ve never talked about hard pressing issues and I believe that’s why I don’t talk about mine with them often. Now in my life I tend to go to my friends with my issues instead of going to my parents. While I wish my communication with my parents was better I understand that it’s ok that it isn’t and I love that I do have relationships that do support me.
I believe that you can go to anyone for advice, because depending on the issue your facing and having someones advice to help better apply yourself to said issue is so beneficiary to mental and emotional health. But I don't rely on the standard of just talking to someone older, because you're under the influence that they just know more based off of their experience. Which in some cases their age helps but it also differs on the issue that's present. Because the difference of that age plays onto the distance of the issue that person had when they were younger as opposed to modern day issue that affect newer generations, and the advice they give couldn't apply well to you because the media and sociability to newer generations are oppressed by does not relate well to someone older. But that's just the specifics that I feel needs more attention, so talking to someone who is your ae can help too based off of their perspective and personally seeing that helps because you can better understand. And lastly just to clarify adults are extremely good to talk to when it applies to situations that don't apply to personal and emotional conflict.
When I have an issue, I don’t usually go to my parents for it. I talk to my friends or if it has to do with my friends I go to my older sister or I try to resolve it myself. I think that it is amazing how people go to their parents for everything and I really respect them for being able to do that. But I wouldn't trust myself enough to go to them for a problem because I feel like I would just get myself in trouble for saying the wrong thing and then taking it the wrong way. Even if I did go to my parents for advice, I most likely won’t listen to them. I think that my friends would give better advice anyway. But I think it overall just depends on the situation that I am in. If it had to do with something that I think an adults viewpoint would be good, I would go to an adult but other than that I will go to my friends or my sister.
Opening up to my parents about my problems is something I usually feel very comfortable with. In fact, I feel more open talking to my parents than to my close friends. Whenever I talk to my parents, I always feel like they are listening and at least trying to understand what I need advice for. When they cannot help me at that moment, my parents still spend time considering my problem and they come back to me later with their thoughtful advice, which further reassures me that they truly care about helping me with my problems, no matter how random or unimportant they may be. With that being said, there are a few times where I avoid seeking help from my parents for fear of hearing "I told you so." Those words are usually the last thing I want to hear when I go to my parents for advice, even if it is true. Sometimes I just feel the need to vent my frustrations and not hear a word in response, or other times I just want to hear words of encouragement. No matter what, my parents are always the first people I go to for advice.
For me it honestly depends, I usually talk to my mom about everything. It really depends on the circumstance. I very rarely lie or keep anything from my parents, because even if its bad, I'd feel even worse if I were to keep it from them. A lot of times I will also talk to my aunt & cousin about things. For everything different going on, there is a different person in my family that I can always go and talk to for everything going on.
It'll all comes down to what the situation is like. It may sound a little off, but when asking for advice you need to turn to them at the right time. Like for saying would your ask your parents for advice on relationships. Some will probably say no and some will say yes. Why does this happen? Well this is because that some teens or just about anybody has parents who acts differently. Some parents will be their to help their child, while some others will most likely act in a way that isn't really helpful to the children and this might cause them to keep information to themselves. So in the end it all depends on what and how the situations is. This is to parents; We teens act mostly on our emotion, especially when we have it all bunched up in us. And when we turn to you guys for help, we expect that you guys would be there to tell us it'll be ok. Instead some parents are criticize our thoughts because sometimes they think it is too immature. This is not directed to all parents, and honestly it is better to turn to your parents for advice. After all they have more experience than us and we act like we understand everything, but the fact is that we don't. We have a long way to go, so i feel like asking sometimes is alright, but sometimes its good to keep somethings to ourselves.
I usually go to a teacher I trust because they have known me for a long time and they actually give advice. Sometimes my mom will just get upset when I ask her for advice. I only really ask her about my grades. Then she will never give me advice she'll only get upset and ask me how I got there instead of helping.
I have to agree to disagree with the author on this one.I do want my parents to listen to me but i also want a how they would solve it or some type of advice. I say this because if i'm asking you then I really need some help/guidance. My issue is when i try to talk to my mom about situations that are happening in my life, she nicely tells me that it's my fault that i'm in the situation and then gives me a lecture about knowing right from wrong and other similar subjects. First of all that's not helpful second it makes me feel attacked and then i don't want to talk anymore. So i dont tell myself much of anything unless I really have to. Although i wouldn't mind telling my mom everything going on in my life, it just never goes well for me.
I personally don't have anything too serious going on in my life so most of time there's no reason to ask people for advice. Of course ill ask my friends about whats for homework for x class tonight but it's never something I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with most people. If something really bothers me I just keep it to myself, everybody has to deal with stuff, nobody really wants to hear about your problems. Even though I don't utilize talking to them very much my parents are extremely chill. If I needed to talk to them about real problems they would be very helpful and be out for my best interest instead of looking for a way to get mad me.
I almost never go to my parents for advice or solutions to important problems. When I want sympathy or need to get something off of my chest, I talk with a friend due to their ability to relate to my situation as a peer and the fact that they usually give straightforward advice.
I feel my parents try to over analyze situations and give me complex answers, when I am just looking to have a normal conversation. I, frankly, don’t have the patience for long conversations with them, because I have to explain things about school or being a teenager that a friend would already know. Opening up a conversation also often comes with dumb or probing questions that feel like a privacy invasion. I mostly wish my parents would just listen and not talk. Sometimes I just need to talk problems out in order to figure out a solution.
On a day-to-day basis, the help I do get from my parents tends to be practical - such as explaining a driving rule, helping with a quick homework question, or getting a form signed. If I was in really big trouble, I do think I would get advice from my parents. While they might be mad at first, I know they would have my back and help me.
A lot of my conversations with my parents happen in the car. Once I have my driver’s license in a few months, I wonder if these will stop. It is interesting that my parents talk to my grandparents often and get their advice on all sorts of things. Maybe someday, I’ll be ready to ask my parents for advice. Just not now.
Personally for me, my mom is almost always the first person I go to for advice. Obviously not for every scenario, but I’m fortunate enough to share a special bond with her. The main reason I feel like most teenagers don’t confide in their parents is that they feel like they are going to judge them and mainly punish them. Friends can’t really punish you for expressing how you feel or asking for advice. But it’s kind of the parents job to keep their child in tact, hence why most kids are afraid to trust them to this extent.
I turn to my parents for many problems throughout the week. Most are caused by stress and rigorous class schedules, but others have included friend problems, venting about missing my older siblings, or even just small problems like the lack of time I have to clean my room. I can majorly relate to the "rinse and repeat" motion of explanation, interruption, and anger that come with many of the conversations. This anger usually erupts from my hopes for an ear to listen being taken over by a mouth saying "well why don't you try this" or "you should be doing that". Most of the time, I don't want advice. Rather, I need to let my feelings out with someone I feel comfortable with. But, I don't let my parents side comments drive me away from sharing with them. It makes me sad that some people don't even want to share anything with their parents.
A couple weeks ago, I was spilling my feelings about my siblings all at or out of college to my mom. As she opened her mouth for suggestions, I quickly told her that her that although I respect her input, all I wanted was for her to be a shoulder to lean on rather than a therapist. Immediately, her eyes widened and she told me that she had never thought of our conversations in that light and that she is glad I shed light on that miscommunication issue. So, next time you avoid your parents in fear of being attacked or lectured, let them know that you would like a one-way conversation.
Honestly, the only reason I go to my parents for help is if my siblings are bugging me. I don't go to anyone with anything because I tend not to have anything I'd like to talk about with anyone really. No offense but, I do this with everyone. From past experiences, people I talked to didn't help or didn't care. So I just use countless websites for information on the topic I'm on. It usually works and when it doesn't I just let my topic flow away. If it is a personal problem I ask myself will this matter in a couple of years from now and if no I don't worry about it. But, if yes then maybe I'd get some help or spill my feelings out. I never answered the question with a yes, yet.
My mom isn't really understanding sometimes. My dad really isn't home because he is work and when he is home he is sleeping. I honestly don't talk about my problems to my parents. I also like doing things myself. My parents try to give me advice some times but I don't listen or if I am listening then I don't do anything. My mom is also very concerned. In sixth grade I got a lot of bad grades in the 3rd and 4th quarters and she got me a therapist and she we barely talked about school and stuff. Also for awhile my mom thought I had depression when she took my phone. When I think something is hard, my mom always thinks it is easy and she never listens when I say that she already did the work. My grandmother is way too optimistic and she always thinks that everything is sunny-side-up and nothing bad will happen if I ask someone for help. I don't really like sharing my thoughts with my parents. I don't know why but I don't like studying for something with them because they don't understand and give me the stink face.
Honestly no, I never go to my parents anymore. The fear of getting in trouble for stupid things overrides this erge. The things I need advice on as a 16 year old are always scary to talk to my parents about. I feel like if I slip up and tell them part of a story I will be punished for it. This can get hard when dealing with things that are very bothersome but no one to talk to. This is why teenagers are getting closer with their friends and less close with their parents as they age through the teenage years. While reading the article I never got a sense of hostility with telling parents their problems. I feel this is very unrealistic. I could maybe understand meaningless problems that are not risky, but even that can be hard. Once I got to college I feel I will share more and rely on their opinions.
1
@Kali Hatcher I can completely relate to what you just said. I really hate talking to my parents about things that I have an issue with or have problems with because when I have they tend to turn the tables around and instead of understanding me they try to blame the situation on me. Things might have changed over the years but I don't think I will ever 100% trust my parents in high school, however that could change when I go to college.
In my experience, it is kind of hard to share things with my aunt. Either it’s because I feel like she’s going to judge me or because I have to filter all the stuff I’m not supposed to be doing out. And if I do end up spilling out my problems I get no helpful input. I mean, it’s not her fault because she doesn’t ACTUALLY know what’s going on. The adult I tell most of my problems to is my therapist. It’s easier because I know it’s confidential and because she’s an extremely nice and helpful person. Yeah, it’s her job to help me, but it works really well. Also, I can’t get in trouble because she’s not legally allowed to tell my aunt if I do something “daring”.
When I need advice on a situation I tend to turn toward my close friends and family. A Lot of people think I don't have any problems but in reality I do, I really just don't like you that much to share personal problems with you and we usually aren't that close. I really don't like people that much since, everybody now is fake and a clout chaser. That's why I tend to talk with my close friends and family about personal stuff because I can trust them. My mom travels a lot so she isn't always there but I facetime her when I have a problem since she gives good advice that helps me. Sometimes she tends to get overprotective and forgets that I'm mature to handle stuff on my own. I think that a part of the reason teens tend not to talk with their parents that much. They want somebody who will just listen and not judge them.
When something happens during the day that upsets me, I feel like the only way I can truly cope with it is venting to my brother, mom, or dad. They all give caring and kind suggestions and offer support. I like talking to my mom about friends, my brother about school, and my dad about teachers or other things. Some might argue that their family is judgmental or wouldn’t understand their problems, but they all want the best for you and normally give honest advice.
The problem arrises though, when I start telling my mom about something troubling, just to get it off my chest, and she comes at me with a million solutions that I didn’t ask for. I think this specifically is what Ms. Damour means by the “puzzling sequence of events” that occurs when talking to our parents about our problems. Yes, I would like her to listen, but unsolicited criticism and advice is not what I’m looking for in every conversation.
Yes, my parents have more life advice etc, but sometimes talking to my close friends really helps in a way conversing with parents doesn’t. They always understand my struggles because they’re living through it too. I’m grateful for all the people around me who make my life easier to manage.
1
@Mollie Brinker I face this same problem too. It's hard to find the balance of what to tell my parents and what to just keep to myself. They tend to make their own judgments then hold them against me and my friends in future instances.
My family is my safe place, I know that what I saw is kept with them. I go to them when things seem challenging, or I just don't think my friends are the best people to talk to. I go for comfort, not for criticism. I talk to them to get the weight off my chest, but when they start giving me their unwanted opinion, I walk away frustrated with them too. I know my parents have more experience and maturity than me, but i'm really just coming to them for support, not their two cents on the problem.
The article mentions that sometimes, no matter the amount of advice, our problems seem to not have a solution. Its still nice to be able to talk to someone without fear or slipping up or word spreading. Like you said, having support makes it all easier to manage, like you’re not alone in the problem
1
@Mollie Brinker
You're so lucky to be able to talk to your family about your life and problems. My family is great, but they aren't the easiest to talk to. Not to say that I don't talk to my family at all because I do, it's just easier to keep things lighthearted rather than open myself up to criticism. I get what you mean about family giving solutions to problems you didn't ask for. Sometimes people just want to vent about annoyances rather than brainstorm ways to fix them. The thing that is at the forefront of my mind right now is how whenever I used to complain about school things as a kid my mom would always convince herself that she needed to email my teachers. This sort of reaction doesn't fix the problem at all and actually can cause a lot of stress.
@Mollie Brinker
I can relate to the same thing, when something goes wrong at school one day I know that I can go home and pour out everything to my mom. I can talk to her about anything, and I always know that she will be quick to answer with helpful advice and suggestions.
Although our parents opinions are always the best, it is also very very helpful to get our peers and friends advice as well, as they are going through the exact same situations at the exact same time.
There are always people there to hear us out, no matter the situation.
There's not really any other adults in my life that I feel comfortable talking with other than my mom. I´m pretty independent when it comes to problems I have, I just try to sort it out on my own and if i can´t, I´ll usually just go to my mom. I think parents and teenagers often struggle to have these conversations with one another because I feel like teenagers think that adults don't know what they are going through. I think teenagers believe that adults don't know what's best for them, but in reality, sometimes they do. I feel better understood with my mom than my friend because my friends don't really get what I´m trying to say, and I feel like they would just agree to what I'm saying to make me feel better. But my mom has been a teenager and I feel like she knows how I feel when I go talk to her, and if there's a secret I want to tell her that I just needed to get off my chest, I know that she would keep it for me.
@Semra S.
I am also this way when it comes to my problems most of the time. However when I do want to take it outside my mind I tend to turn to my friends way before I go to my mom. Its not like I have a horrible relationship with my mom but I wouldn't say its the best. I do not trust that if I tell her something it will stay between us. I also greatly fear getting in trouble with telling her some of my "secrets"
Telling our parents about our issues can sometimes be the biggest problem. For example I find that whenever I receive a bad grade, or fail to do something, my issue is never really that I am worried about what I can do to fix it, but how my parents will react to the news. Because of this I only feel comfortable talking to my parents about certain things, like teachers, or other topics not related to grades and schoolwork, that happen at school. By doing this my parents are happy because they feel like they know what is going on in my school-life, and I am happy because I only have to tell them certain parts that won’t lead to uncomfortable conversations. When things that happen at school really do upset me though I do turn to my parents, especially my mom. I know that unlike some of my friends, my secrets will be safe and contained with her. Whenever I talk to her it does not only make me feel like my thoughts are with a safe person, but I can also move on because I have gotten all of my emotions about the topic out.
@Valeria Like you, I don’t like turning to my parents for advice or about an issue that’s going on, especially when it comes to school. It seems like students get more motivation to do well in school because of pressure from parents rather than their personal feelings of accomplishments or wanting to learn. If it’s something serious then, obviously, I will talk to my parents, but I find more comfort in talking to my friends because I feel like they could relate more to something that’s going on than my parents could. However, regardless of who I am talking to, it always feels better to get all of my emotions out so that it is easier to move on.
I think that the advice given to parents in the article is amazing, and all parents should try to follow it. For me, whenever I share something with my parents it turns into them telling me what I should do, or what I could’ve done better. Them doing this makes me feel like I can’t talk to them, and makes the situation uncomfortable. Like the article says, parents need to learn to let their kid just vent.
@Iris M. You make a good point about letting their kids just vent rather than freaking out. There are tons of things I've wanted to go to my parents and talk about, but have been way to scared of the consequences or what decisions they'll automatically make. If they would give us time to explain and not be so harsh then I think a lot more kids would ask their parents for advice.
Depending on situations that face me in my daily life, different people play a role on who to talk too. For example, you could be faced with a family crisis and really want to talk to your family about this. In thi case, a therapist or a school counselor might be the best support in this situation. These people are experienced people that have studied hard, and know what to do in these types of situations. I know from my dad’s experience that therapy does help sometimes if you are stuck and need advice on what to do. Parents are also great people to ask about advice. They have been with you your whole life, and they know you the best. Your parents know you the best so they know what might fit you best in cases you need advice. Parents typically know the best viewpoints to take just because they’ve been around longer, and they have probably been through these types of situations before. Personally when I go through struggles I typically turn to my mom, because she is a teacher and works with kids all day long. She knows certain things that other people don’t always know from being around these kids everyday. This is why I go to her because she usually has the best information to take. I can also go to my dad sometimes, because he has gone through a lot of rough situations growing up- and still throughout his life. Because of this he has a better understanding of what and what not to do, and and has a better reasoning on what the better option might be in a scenario.
@Maya Dixon, you and I are thinking on the same brain wave. Everyone goes through struggles, both family and friendship related and it's very important that they get the right advice. Personally, I find it very hard to talk to my friends about my problem or "drama" between our common friend and me. I feel as though I can't truly express my positive or negative feelings because I'm afraid it might get back to the problematic friend and it will only create greater issues. I can talk to my mom about my friendship issues especially because she isn't afraid to point out if I was wrong in the situation.
Like you said, at some point, it would be the best for someone to talk to a professional such as a therapist or school counselor especially when you don't know where you stand in a situation such as a parent's divorce or something illegal that don't believe you can admit to your parents. They are professionals meaning they know what they're doing and always have your best interest at heart.
At the end of the day, nothings more satisfying than spilling my heart out either to a close friend or my mom.
I usally go to my parents when I need advice. Also it would depend on the situation is. Sometimes I go to my bff fir advice from him. Although it’s tough fir people to share their problem with their parents. This doesn’t usually happen while it occurs. I’ve gone to my parents now more often since I’m in high school and theirs a lot of drama going around. Overall yes I do turn to my parents fir advice.
Most of the time i ask my mom certain questions but most of the time I feel awkward only because it’s your parents and you don’t really talk to your parents like you do your friends my mom is special because she listens to what i have to say fully before she gives her advice. Sometimes hat she says is different what i want to hear. But i always give it a chance before i make any remarks on the situation.
It's hard and uncomfortable for me to share my problems with my parents because they don’t always react how I want them to. Sometimes they say that it’s my fault, so I don’t really talk to them about my issues, because I think I can handle them on my own. Also, I know that they’re busy and don’t have time, so I don’t bother them with stuff. I don’t ask for help on anything. I only ask if I’m desperate. They say I shouldn’t be asking for help much, and I should try to figure it out on my own. They tell me that I should be smart enough to figure out things without help since I go to Masterman. It kind of disappoints me sometimes because they assume that just because I go to Masterman, I should know everything, and not tell my parents about every little thing that goes on at school, so I don’t. Usually, I find a way to figure things out. It’s not that I don’t like the advice, because sometimes I do get helpful advice, but now, since my parents are busy, I don’t ask them much. I don’t really trust anyone else at school like teachers or counselors. It’s really difficult for me to trust anyone, which is why I sometimes don’t even ask my parents, because I kind of already know how they’ll respond. I know that teachers and counselors say they keep things private, but there’s no way that you’ll really know if they’re telling the truth or not, so I don’t trust them either. Mostly, I just handle things on my own, and it’s fine, most of the time.
Personally, I don’t like going to my parents for advice. Nothing against my parents but I think my friends understand me better. I feel more comfortable turning to a friend for help rather than one of my parents. My parents will say that I can tell them anything and that they will help but, whenever I do they start lecturing me on what I have done wrong or how I haven’t done anything to help. I feel like whenever I turn to my parents for help it’s just a headache for me to deal with. Other times when I go to my friends they actually help and give me tips. On top of that, sometimes my friends understand me and what’s going on better than my parents do. An example is that I don’t like walking into places myself or walking into a room filled with people first, I also don’t like going and talking to people like teachers and mostly adults. So to calm me down I ask my friends for advice or support they’ll help me calm down or come with me to do what I have to do, on the other hand my parents get frustrated and mad because I can’t walk into places ahead of them or without them for a few minutes without getting worked up. That’s why I don’t really turn to my parents for advice, they don’t really help.
@Brianna K. I see exactly where you are coming from, my friends never judge no matter what I need to vent about. I can get advice for whatever I need and no one gets mad or offended. However you have to remember that your parents just want what's best for you. They want nothing more but to support you but sometimes it catches them by surprise how old you’ve gotten. Things aren't the same as how they were when they were kids, and they no longer have the ability to control what you do with your life and this all scares them. I like to humor my parents sometimes and just ask for help with things I know they are interested in. While it's easy to just get mad at your parents for how they react to your stories, questions, or life problems, you have to cut them a break sometimes and not jump to saying they're unreasonable or mean.
Whenever I have a problem, I always talk to my friends about it. I feel like my parents don’t understand as much as they do and my friends are more sympathetic. I think it's hard for teenagers to have conversations with their parents because they can be really judgy or negative and that doesn't solve anything. I agree that most of the time, teenagers simply want to be listened to, but my parents don’t listen. Another thing is that my friends go to the same school and have similar school lives and when I want to explain something that happened during the school day, I don’t feel like explaining everything in detail to my parents because my friends already get it. Overall I would much rather talk to my friends about my problems than my parents or any adults.
@Emi G. I completely agree for me at least that it’s easier to go to friends for advice than your parents. It’s something about being the same age that just helps better with understanding. Parents can at times think your problems are stupid or can be easily fixed and they start lecturing you, which is not always what you need, sometimes it’s just nice to vent.
I do ask my parents for advice and there really helpful, well at least just my dad is the more helpful. My mom tries to give me advice but it doesn't really work cause she doesn't really understand me. I feel like my father went threw the same thing so he would know about it but my mom thinks everything comes to me which it doesn't . My mom is somewhat helpful when it comes to school, but my dad is helpful with everything like life, work, school, sports, girls, etc. My mom just give better advice for my sister because she's been there.
During the beginning of my teenage years, I was not the most enjoyable person to be around, especially with my parents. We disagreed on a lot of little things. But, as I grew up and over the past few months, my parents and I have become very close. I tell them everything and our bond has never been stronger. And yes, we do still fight sometimes, but I know that they will always be there for me and that I can come to them with anything. It is so nice to have your parents to go to when something is wrong because a lot of times you just need a different opinion than another 18 year old girl. My parents are my best friends and I am so blessed to have them in my life.
In Ms. Damour's article, she addresses the fact that that parents could be better at supporting teenage children when a conflict occurs if a child isn't comfortable in a situation. With her speaking of this issue, she provides practical ways that parents could help them in this situation. But, there isn't much room where speaking to a friend is noted. Personally I would prefer to speak to an adult for most reasons as they are more mature and could handle it better. Though, for some, I feel someone of a similar age would be better suited to help me. This would occur in situations where they may have experienced or have some background in. Ultimately, I feel as if their input would be more valuable in particular situations.
Going to parents for advice is a good thing but not always that helpful. It depends on the situation but I have stopped coming to my parents for advice on certain things because I feel like they don’t know how to handle the situation as teens now would. It is helpful to get their input and take advice into consideration but often times I find myself not coming to them simply because I think they wouldn’t know how to respond or give helpful advice.
@Elle S
My parents are always telling me that I can go to them with my problems because they went through the exact same things when they were kids, but I think you’re right, that today’s social climate has changed too much since they were kids. We have phones now. We have technology that they might not have even dreamed of when they were kids. Society has progressed so much, so quickly since they were in high school that they probably would only be able to understand our problems on a surface level, looking back on their memories from a time they’ve probably mostly forgotten about, in a completely different social climate.
When I’m feeling upset about something I usually turn to my mom. She is the person I’m closest to and I know she will always support and help me. I’d rather talk to my parents rather than my friends. Friends can come and go but my parents will always be a major part of my life. Although I’d rather talk to my parents about personal things, I definitely think that friends have way better advice than parents. Your friend's experience is closer to yours and won’t be as quick to “discipline” you or get mad at you as some parents might. I think your friends will better understand you better, but I think parents will always support you more.
In my opinion and experience, it’s kind of hard and easy to talk to my parents about my personal issues because sometimes they have the same views as me and they give me advice and other times, we usually aren’t on the same page and those situations get me angry. But I do feel as though that it is good to turn to your parents because sometimes your parents may or may not have gone through the same situation and they will give you good advice on what and what not to do. But, even if you still aren’t comfortable with that just go to and adult you trust and they should do the same thing.
@Katelyn C
You make an interesting point that asking one’s parents for advice can result in different outcomes depending on the situation. Similar to your opinion, I think that my parents understand my concerns and give valuable advice in some situations, while they miss the mark in others. I agree with Lisa Damour’s claim that teenagers often reject their parents’ solutions to their problems because their parents fail to understand and provide what the teenagers need in the moment. Personally, I vent a variety of concerns to my parents—failures related to grades, physical pain, and frustration with passages of music I can’t seem to play correctly on violin. All of these concerns are thrown at my parents on a daily basis, hardly giving them enough time to judge each individual situation. For this reason, I do not blame my parents for failing to console me when I need to be consoled or acting as a sounding board when I need to vent. In order to alleviate some of the misunderstanding stemming from my parents’ misguided attempts to offer advice, I have begun to tell my parents exactly what I want from them before expressing my concerns. Taking the time to articulate my needs has allowed me to improve my relationship with my parents.
I tend to turn to my dad more than my mom for advice. The reason is because I feel like my mom really doesn’t care that much. I turn to my dad because he doesn’t reflect the emotion that I am giving off in that moment. If i am upset about my day, he will make sure that the rest of the day goes smoothly when he gets me. Also, I would never really go to my parents for advice. I always went to my brother or my aunt.
I typically don’t turn to my parents for advice, not because I’m afraid to. But because usually I know the answer to my problem but I just want to hear somebody else say it. For my parents usually just tell me to, in simple terms, calm down or deal with it. But my friends can sympathise more with my problem most of the time, because we’re the same age, so they either give me a good solution or tell me what I wanted to hear in the first place. Often teens don’t go to their parents for advice because they’re either too stubborn or really just want to vent out to someone about our problems, not necessarily looking for a solution.
When it comes down to me being upset, and I have to make the choice: Who will I turn to my parents or my friends. I personally turn to my friends because they understand me more. Whenever I talk to my parents, they always turn it into how it was somehow my fault and how I could have done something differently. If I have a problem personally: that isn’t what I like to hear. On the other hand, when I talk to my friends about a problem they don’t try to make it seem like it was my fault, they instead try to solve the problem and/or comfort me. So, in conclusion, I turn to my friends almost all the time when a problem arises.
Depending on what the problem is will determine if I will turn to my friends or my parents for advice. Usually, if I have stressed about school because I have a lot going on I will ask my parents for advice but if it has something to do with friends or some other things I will ask my friends for advice. Sometimes when I ask my friends for advice I get annoyed because I ask them and then instead of just giving me advice they start talking about other things which then gets me more stressed because I don’t have as much time to work on that assignment. My friends can be more helpful sometimes because when I go to them they are usually also worried/stressed about the same thing or something similar to it. Normally when I have a problem I will go to my parents but I also know that my friends will have my back to if I need it.
I think when I need advice, I usually turn to my parents. I think this is because they usually have an open mind, and the most experience dealing with most matters. I usually like to come up with a solution myself first, but if I can’t find a good one, I’ll probably ask them for help. For the most part, they will have better advice because they have lived 4.5 times the amount that I’ve lived. They also usually have an open mind towards most things, which is better than talking to a friend who may have a biased mind, which may sway the outcome.
If I was going through something and needed advice, I would turn to my parents and/or my teachers. I feel comfortable talking to both of them and they give me advice that will help me with my struggles or stress. I believe that parents and teenagers struggle with these conversations is that there is a lot going on with teenagers nowadays. Like in the article, the author pointed out that, “We can't fix their broken hearts, prevent their social dramas, or do anything about the fact that they have three huge tests scheduled for the same day.¨ This is true and this is what teenagers are going through. They just don´t believe that parents or other adults can help with solving their problems.
I share my problems with my parents. My reaction to their advice is good. I like to take their advice because they were the same age as me once and they probably have had some of the same experiences that I am having as I am getting older. In my experience it is easy for me to share my problems with my parents because I am close to them and I am willing to hear their thoughts and opinions on my problem. I generally share most problems with my parents big and small but sometimes I just don’t want to share them and I keep them to myself and work them out internally which normally works because I don’t generally have big problems. Those are my thoughts on sharing my problems with my parents.
I don’t like it when people sugar coat things. I just want people to answer me honestly. If I have a problem and I talk to my parents about it, I need to know the truth. If I’m the one messing up, I need to know so I can fix it. I will turn to my parents when I feel like it’s the right time, but occasionally I will turn to my friends. Adults don’t understand today’s kids as well as they should. Adults need to be more aware of what is happening in their children’s lives. Like if a child talks to their parents and their parents quickly dismiss them or tell them to grow up (etc), that affects the child. Talking to your parents can help, but if it’s personal, some parents may not understand. At the end of the day, children just want help for their problems, but they need it delivered/given to them in the right way so they don’t feel shut out.
Whenever i get mad i go to my mom and talk because i can talk to my mom. I know i can talk to my mom because i trust her all the time.
Whenever I’m feeling sad, bothered, or angry, I always turn to my parents to open my mind and see other viewpoints of the situation. I know I can always talk to my parents about life situations and how I should handle it because in most cases, they’ve been through the same thing or similar. There’s been times where I’m at my lowest points and I only have my parents to turn to. They always listen to me and let me express myself and when I ask them for advice, they always manage to make me rethink the situation by seeing it in different lenses and guide me through it. They help me see the positives in the situations and I notice how much I’ve grown from it. I think talking to my parents, who’ve gone through a lot in their own lives, really helps me release my thoughts and get another perspective and also receive trustworthy advice.
Many times in my life I have asked my parents for their advice on certain major decisions such as the decision to take a certain course or apply for a job. And knowing that they’ll always tell me what is best for me, I know I can count on them to influence me in the right direction toward making a smart decision. But as I’ve come to mature over time, I find myself making many of these major decisions on my own, not because I don’t appreciate or value my parents’ advice, but rather that I feel I am capable of making a smart decision in the end. And while my parents have had me make the “right” decision in past situations, I would always still have this feeling of un-satisfaction simply because of my own personal doubts or because I wasn’t necessarily happy with the decision but only made it out of parental advice. And now, I do ask my parents for advice from time to time but I don’t always let their opinions and thoughts influence my overall actions because having been through the same situation time and time again, I am pretty confident I can make a decision that will both benefit me and make me feel content.
Depending on what my problem is, depends on who I go to for advice. For most of my problems I struggle with I usually ask my friends or my siblings for advice. I don’t usually ask my parents for advice unless I think they’re familiar with issue. The reason I don’t usually go to my parents for advice is because I feel like they won’t understand. They weren’t born and raised in America like I was and I feel like growing up in America is so much different then growing up anywhere else. Another thing that adds on to my parents understanding my problems is the generational gap. However I know that if I probably went to my parents for more advice I’d realize that they could actually help me.
I’m pretty independent so I tend to usually work my way through things by myself. I also usually just go to my close friends when I know I need advice or help with friendships or other more deep problems. However, I tend to talk to my parents when it is related to work or school. I look to them for guidance and support in order to help me feel less stressed out. I do tend to not tell them everything, as I fear it will get them to lecture me on certain things. They do help making decisions with school and work and they usually give me good advice based on their past experiences.
When I have a problem I like to really think it over and see if my parents or a trusted friend would give me better advice. I don’t go straight to my parents because it may be a problem they are too old for because we grew up in different times, and with all the changes that have happened over that time they may not understand what I’m going through. However if I assess I situation as on my parents would understand I will ask them because I can trust them a lot, and I would go to them more if they were my age and understood problems that a teenager goes through in the 21st century. When I feel my parents are unfit to give to give me the proper advice I usually will go to a trusted friend who has experience with the situation at hand and can give me the best advice to make the best of that situation. Finally, parents are great to confine to with most things but just remember you may not always get the best advice from them.
I feel like I’m an outsider, when I have a problem, sure I gossip about it with my friends and discuss it perhaps in not all of its severity, but I will always open up to my Mom and Dad as long as I don’t get into trouble for it. I am a very expressive person so usually it’s easy to tell when something is the matter with me but I’m never pressured into opening up, I’m always told to come whenever I feel ready to come to them. I always feel comfortable and view my parents as my therapists who give me advice that is healthy for me and steers me away from the same mistakes they may have encounter when they were my age. No matter what my problem is, no matter what I fear they might think or anybody else for that matter, I will always run to my parents for support as they are the only people to ever show it to me unconditionally.
I definitely agree to what Damour says about adolescents’ wants with their parents. I think adults sometimes forget we’re mature enough to figure things for ourselves and sometimes we just want to vent out to someone that’s mature or with experience to imply input but not give solutions. Like most teens, I greatly dislike it when I go to my parents with a problem it turns into a huge lecture about how irresponsible or dumb I was. That small disencouragement hinders my trust with my parents. It makes me believe maybe I shouldn’t go to my parents for advice anymore. What parents say and do should really be considered carefully as it really impacts the child-parent relationship. Sometimes things just slip out of one’s mouth sometimes and that’s definitely okay, but when that happens and a parents apologizes, tries to engage more, or be considerate, rather than ignoring their child’s outreach, makes a difference in their child’s trust.
Yes, as a junior in highschool when I have struggles, I turn to my mom for support. Although I might not always like the advice that she gives me, I think it is healthy for our relationship. When I am stressed out with school or friends, my mom always talks me through it and tells me my best solution for my problems. When I need advice specifically at school, I have multiple teachers that I am comfortable talking to. For instance, earlier this year I was having a problem with anxiety, and my math teacher from last year helped me through it. When I was feeling overwhelmed, I would go to her classroom and we would talk out my problems. I think having these trusting relationships with mothers and teachers is healthy and important for students because it gives them away to comfortably discuss their emotions. Personally I do agree with the advice given in this article because I know when my mom tries to tell me what to do instead of giving me advice, it normally makes me even more frustrated and makes me less likely to go to her for advice in the future. Parents need to start listening and supporting their children more in their struggles, it will lead to stronger relationships with students parents and teachers, and also improve the mental health of students.
Typically when I have personal issue I mainly tell my friends without withholding any details. If it’s an issue that my friends couldn’t help me feel better about, or a problem concerning them is when I turn to my mom. When venting to my mom i give out details sparingly as I just want her to be on my side and defend the way I’m feeling. As a mother she always takes my vent and alters it into a life lesson where I need to acknowledge my mistakes. Deep in my heart I know mistakes I’ve made to get into certain situations and what is the next correct step, but at the moment of venting I don’t want to be lectured I want to be supported to make whatever decision I think is best. My mom will always try to force advise that will keep me the happiest and safest in her eyes, but I’m a believer in learning from your own mistakes. I appreciate and take in consideration the suggestions my mom gives me, but at the end of the day I’m gonna do what my body is telling me to do even if it’s not my mom’s ideal decision. I want to learn from my mistakes and issues without someone holding my hand all the time.
1
I think when it comes to talking to our parents, we usually avoid going to them for advice when we’re younger because we think that it’s always going to end in a lecture. While that is true sometimes, and it may be frustrating to feel like you’re not reaching a solution to your problem with the unnecessary talk, we have to realize that they can only advise us based on their experiences. We live in a world completely different from the one that they grew up in and they try to do the best that they can to help us get through our rough times. For me personally, I try to go to my mom with issues that stress me out because I know in the long run that it will bring us closer together and there will be that ensured trust between us. Growing up my mom and my grandma didn’t have the best relationship and it was hard for my mom to even count on her siblings for advice at times, so seeing that really puts a lot of things into perspective for me. Seeing the distance and lack of trust between them opens my eyes to the possibility that if I don’t start trying on my end, history might just repeat itself. Having your parents on your back all the time may get frustrating at times, but at the end of the day, they just want what is best for you.
After school, the first person I talk to is my mom. We talk about our days, the good and the bad. She is literally my best friend. I ask her for advice on just about everything. It shows that you can build a strong and trustful bond between a parent and child. Whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed with my school work when I'm at school I will share it with my friends but in all reality they are in the same boat I am. I do go to my parents when I need advice about school, work or other things, as they can usually give me wise and more professional opinions on what I should do. My parents are two people in this world who I trust the most, and by opening that line of communication between us, it makes my life so much better.
To me having a strong connection with my parents is very important, it shows that you can build a strong and trustful bond between a parent and child. They are smarter than my friends and have more experience in life so they usually know what the best choice is to make. My mom has helped me through a lot of friendship problems and has given me good advice before. I do go to my parents when I need advice about school, work or other things, as they can usually give me wise and more professional opinions on what I should do.
Throughout my life I’ve always looked to my parents for guidance and advice. But as I’ve grown older I’ve learned to become more independent, I’ve started making my own decisions and most of the time without my parents input. But when it comes to difficult decisions like getting a job or going to college I often seek their opinions and guidance because I know that they have much more experience in life than I do and when they offer me advice I usually take it because I know my knowledge about life problems and decisions is inferior to theirs.
1
@Sergio Guzman yeah I've also tend to figure things out by myself before I ask my parents for advice. But I will debate and discuss political things or pretty much anything with them because we respect each others opinions and it's not an argument. I can tell them a lot of things, but usually I don't for some reason. They are very open and help me with a lot.
I don’t go to my parents for advice, but I do communicate with them and vent to them quite a bit. I talk about my problems and stresses to my mom, but I don’t want her to solve my problems. I just want her to listen because a majority of the time it’s something I can’t change without giving up things that matter more. I’m just looking for my parents to listen and understand what I’m going through all allow my to get all the frustrations I have. I find using my parents to get out my frustrations is extremely helpful because I’m talking about anything or anybody to my friends or peer who might tell anything else. On the rarity that I do actually want advice from my parents, I want more of a conversation rather then straight up advice. I want to speak with my parents and come up with solutions together.
1
I tend to internalize my problems and not release them to the world, and that probably not healthy. I wish I could go to my parents, but after some past experiences I opt not to. God bless her, but my mom is so strong willed, and it makes it so hard to talk to her. When I have gone to her in the past, she tends to interrupt to clarify, or she will offer solutions that aren't realistic, and worst of all, oppose me. A frequent occurrence. I come to her with a problem only hoping that she will show her empathy and feel what I'm feeling, but it gets turned around onto me, making me feel like the problem is my fault, and that I am the reason I have conflict, which does not help. So now here I am, internalizing everything. I wish parents could just learn to listen rather than feel they need to solve our problems for us.
1
i think the advice given by Damour is quality and for many parents this can definitely be used in many cases. I feel I am lucky to have parents who will listen to my venting and much like Damours advice they are receptive and helpful even though there isn't much they can do often times. Students often times have trouble trusting in one another because of fear of their secrets spreading and then making them look foolish. Because of this fear they keep their issues to themselves and try to solve it alone instead of the risk of their issues going public by telling a friend. I myself have fallen into the cycle that Damour talks about, I find myself dismissing my parents advice as too irrelevant or that they are incapable of understanding teen issues in today's age. Usually when I want to seek advice it is during problems where I have to make a choice in what I am going to do, I want that advice because I do know that my parents have most likely been challenged with the same choice in their own lives growing up. I usually have found my parents give the more beneficial advice, but there have been times where my friends do genuinely help me and give me good advice, I think it just depends on the type of situation and who it is more relevant towards.
I’m the type of person who stresses way too much when I don’t need to and for me, it is crucial I open and vent out my problems. I normally tend to do this with my mom or my best friends. I think it is crucial to develop a good relationship with your parents when you can because some don’t have that opportunity so you can’t take having parents to talk to for granted. I tend to tell my mom all my problems and more often than not, she gives me the advice I need to hear, not exactly what I want to hear. She makes sure I understand that I’m not the only person that this specific issue is happening to and she gives me examples from her childhood that help relate to mine. I also will go to my dad with my problems, but normally, I go to him for different problems than what I would ask my mom about. And while they may not fully understand my problems sometimes, they always try their absolute hardest to help me and I don’t know what I’d do without them.
1
I believe that you can go to anyone for advice, because depending on the issue your facing and having someones advice to help better apply yourself to said issue is so beneficiary to mental and emotional health. But I don't rely on the standard of just talking to someone older, because you're under the influence that they just know more based off of their experience. Which in some cases their age helps but it also differs on the issue that's present. Because the difference of that age plays onto the distance of the issue that person had when they were younger as opposed to modern day issue that affect newer generations, and the advice they give couldn't apply well to you because the media and sociability on newer generations are oppressed which does not relate well to someone older. But that's just the specifics that I feel needs more attention, so talking to someone who is your age can help too based off of their perspective, and personally seeing that helps because you can better understand. And lastly just to clarify adults are extremely good to talk to when it applies to situations that don't apply to personal and emotional conflict, which their experience can help positively.
I ask for my parent advise more everyday. I use to not ask for their advise, then I realized that they are much older than I am, and have lived through the things that I have a problem with. Parents care about you more than anyone else and they won’t send you in the wrong direction. Your parents know through their mistakes and their victories what you should do. Parents know what is best for you in the long even if you don’t know yourself. Asking parents for advise isn’t a hit or miss, it’s a home run.
1
Personally speaking, when Im faced with a genuine problem or issue, I never have nor do I plan on going to my parents. From my personal experience, my parents simply just don't understand. I can tell them the simplest issue or statement and they have to ask me 20 questions just to understand exactly what I said and for me its beyond frustrating to have to repeat myself over and over again. In addition to informing them being an issue, they have never adapted to current day and simply don't understand (as much as they would like to say they do) what teens in our generation go through. My mother specifically is extremely judgmental and I cannot get a thought out with out her voicing her very strong and conservative opinion which is often difficult to hear when I have such strong differing opinions after growing up in the 21st century. Also I am not a super emotional person, so I don't feel the need to talk about things in general very much, I keep my problems to myself and work on fixing them in my own time and manner. Sharing then with my parents causes me a great deal of stress and often yields a worse result than if I were to handle the situation on my own. So between them not understanding, being judgmental and me being completely self sufficient, I never turn to my parents, problem or not.
@Stacia Gregule I am in the same place as you. I want to open up to my parents, but I'm too afraid of their reaction and judgment. Unfortunately, I wear my emotions on my face and they are concerned when they see my face. If the problem is emotional, I usually try to hide my face and then let my emotions out to my close friends.
Sharing my problems with my parents, as you said, would invite many more problems. Yes, I do need their presence, but I don't see myself talking about my problems with my parents soon.
After school, the first person I talk to is my mom. Everyday she calls me to ask how my day was and what happened and what homework I have and sometimes it bothers me because some days I don't want to talk to anyone but then I realize that she just cares and if anything happened she just wants to make it better. For bigger problems like something on social media I usually go to my friends first because I know they'll understand it better than my mom. Eventually if its serious enough 'll tell my mom because I know she can help me figure things out better than my friends. But overall I think I'll always go to my mom for any issues I have because she'll always be there for me even when friends come and go. Also thankfully, I can go to my mom when sometimes other kids don't always have that advantage
At the end of a long at school, the first person I see when I get home is my mother and if I need to vent, my mother will gladly let me vent. Often times I end up talking to my parents about school troubles if I really just want a sounding board, and it helps greatly. But when I wanna vent and still make a joke out of it I go to my friends. In terms of advice, I get perspectives from both my parents and my friends, but mainly my parents. They have the most life experience, so I typically trust them a little more for serious advice than my friends.
1
To me having a strong connection with my parents is very important, it shows that you can build a strong and trustful bond between a parent and child. Whenever I begin to feel overwhelmed with my school work when I'm at school I will share it with my friends but in all reality they are in the same boat I am. So it’s when I’m home a few hours into my homework and I start to have a mental break down because of how stressed out and frustrated I am, one of my parents will walk into the room and I will share everything with them and I love it. I love it because they just talk to me and we get back to the point where I’m much more calm and can return to my homework.
If I'm having minor issues with a friend or there is just someone in a class or an area that just annoys me so much I will tell my friends about it and we will just be girls. Where I just talk and rant about any issue I'm having and my friends will listen and give me their advice if it’s a circumstance to where I need advice. But sometimes if I need more than a friend but I don’t want to talk to my parents, there is a process in my house and we call it friend mode. My parents will just step out of being a mom or dad and just be a friend who can give me some advice on how to handle a situation from a more experienced point of view. And so that’s why I know I can turn and trust my parents to help me and give me advice when I really need it.
I usually go to my parents for advice. I feel like they know what's best for me and I think they have the best opinion when it comes to stuff like schoolwork . They are smarter than my friends and have more experience in life so they usually know what the best choice is to make. I frequently ask them about schoolwork and if they think that I'm taking the right classes for me.
1
If I ever have a problem the very first person I would turn to for help is my mom. I can talk to my mom about absolutely anything. As people get older they seem to stop talking to their parents as much. The reason for that is they don’t feel like their parents understand them anymore or maybe it depends on the problem. I get it. Sometimes when I talk to my parents about a problem I have it just turns into a whole different conversation and they never give me a solution. I talk to my mom about what makes me anxious at school but she just doesn’t understand. She hasn’t experienced being a modern day teenager so why would she? Despite the occasional misunderstandings, I always know I can count on my parents.
4
@Katie I’ve gone to my mom multiple times whenever I needed help on something, but every time she would lecture me on some random point when I’m talking instead of listening to me. I agree with your point that just like how your mom didn’t experience being a modern day teenager, my mom didn’t either, so it makes sense to me why she sometimes questions why I’m stressed out and have anxiety or why I have conflicts with my friends. She was also born and raised in a rather remote country, where women are put on a lower scale than men and expected to be housewives. So her experience growing up adds to another factor to why doesn’t understand the things I go through as a high school student. I only go to my close and trustable friends if need advise on a situation, when I know my parents won’t understand at all. Although she doesn’t listen most of the time, whenever I have a problem and need advice, she gives me a deep answer and makes me feel that everything’s going to be okay, and at the end of day she’s the one who comes back in my room to give me some fruits after seeing me studying and stressing about school and life general.
With teenagers these days having to deal with a lot of stress, we need to let it out sometimes, and our parents are usually the ones we go to. I feel sometimes that I shouldn’t go to my friends, since most of the time they’re dealing with similar things and I don’t want them to have to hear about my problems when they already have their own. So the only options left are my parents. I regularly go to my parents if I’m feeling upset, and it usually helps to get it out. However, I do notice that my parents tend to immediately dish out lists of solutions of how I should handle my problems, and it gets on my nerves. Sometimes I feel they don’t understand that I just need to vent most of the time, and I’m not always looking for advice. I know that they’re worried about me and are just trying to help as much as they can, but it seems like they’re not being very supportive in my perspective. I’m usually looking for support from my parents when I come to talk to them, and when they just try to come up with solutions without trying to comfort me, it makes me not want to come to them anymore. I think they could probably change that problem if they knew I usually just need to let it out and I’m not really looking for a plan on how to solve my problems. I do appreciate advice and I think it’s a good way to help someone who is dealing with something, but if you jump straight to advice without being somewhat sympathetic, it can read differently to the person who you’re helping.
I think that the advice for the parents in the article is really good. The tips mentioned have been things I’ve looked for when approaching my parents with something. They are always open to talking and try to give me good advice, but when I want to vent they most always never just let me vent. My mom especially always has to get her opinion in, but by the end she’s trying to give me the best advice she can. Depending on the situation, I might go to my friends for advice instead. I usually go to my friends first, seeing as they just seem more accessible and closer to me, and they would understand more at times. If I need advice about friend drama, I would most likely go to my parents though, because talking to mutual friends could get awkward and I want an outside opinion. My mom has helped me through a lot of friendship problems and has given me good advice before, but I also remember times where i would get some bad advice. That’s why I would want my parents to read this article, to see how to talk to me better when I come to them with situations, especially at times when I don’t even know what I’m looking for in the conversation either.
As I got older, I rarely go to my mom for advice anymore. My mom isn’t the easiest person to talk to, there are a lot of walls and hurdles to go through with her. Instead I go to my aunt, she is more understanding and isn’t the type to yell at you for things you do, she only tells you what you could have done differently when it happens or what she would have done if it were her. If not that, turn to music and think it over on my own. I don't like asking for help for things that I feel should be simple to handle by myself. Sometimes I find myself back where I started, but I would rather struggle in silence than ask someone to help me, and make them feel obligated to waste their time helping me. Hey, that’s just me.
1
I don’t like to talk to my family about my problems because in my case they usually just run their mouth before I can utter my second sentence so usually I just keep everything to myself.If I do talk to someone it would more than likely be my mom because she has several clients who go to school with me and they tell her about their problems and what's going on at out school, given that shes gets all this information she is able to understand my situation a little better than my other family members.I feel that parents want the best for their children and that they try to help the best they can but sometimes it's best for them to just listen then give input instead of interrupting the child or teenager while they are emptying or expressing their opinion or feelings about something.
I sometimes go to my parents for advice, but it truly depends the problem. For some reason, I usually don’t feel comfortable asking them for advice when I have friend or boy drama, as I didn’t talk to them about it growing up, because I honestly didn’t have many problems like that in middle school or elementary school, and now it just feels awkward to open up to them about things like that. Instead, I now look toward my best friends for advice, as if I have a problem it’s often not about all of them, and they understand the most because they can see through my point of view as they are experiencing many similar problems. I do go to my parents when I need advice about school, work or other things, as they can usually give me wise and more professional opinions on what I should do.
Personally, I go to my parents for advice about almost everything. My mom does a great job at staying calm while I'm stressed out, and that is always very helpful. Whenever I'm worried about a certain situation or problem, I turn to my mom. She knows me better than anyone and it shows.Every time I've talked to my mom about a situation, I always leave feeling better and more prepared for it.
I never really go to my parents about stupid things like school drama. That's just a waste of their time and it usually stuff I can figure out by myself. I don't know where I would be right now without my parent's advice. They've helped me make my hardest decisions and I am grateful for that. I can not imagine having parents I couldn't go to for help and advice and so I believe all parents should give kids advice when they need it.
1
I am lucky to have parents that listen to me and give me good advice. Many times after something happens that upsets me, I often turn to my mom to complain about teachers, tests and homework, as well as drama that happens with friends and peers. My mom has been through high school before, so she knows what it is like. Although, when she was in high school, many things were very different. So at times, it is hard for her to understand what I am going through. This can cause miscommunications or me getting frustrated and going to talk to a friend about it. On the other hand, it’s refreshing to have someone to talk to about these problems about who won’t gossip about what you say or try to compare their problem with yours. Not many of my friends do that, but when they do, it worsens the problem and upsets me.
When I was in middle school, I had a huge dilemma. I was in a club and some of my friends in the club were being mean to me and talking about me behind my back. I didn’t tell my parents, or anybody, about it for a few months. I just figured it would get better. But when it finally became too much for me to handle, I told my mom about it. She immediately became concerned and I talked to her for hours about different ways that I could handle the problem. And while that example is a little extreme and that scenario is something that parents would most likely get involved in, it shows that I am comfortable going to my parents with problems.
@Keira McWilliams
I also turn to my mom in many situations that trouble me, such as high school. Because like you said they’ve been through it. Most of our parents have experienced the general and stereotypical pains of high school. Although school shootings, and social media leaves a gray area for advice from parents.
I also turn to my parents to reduce the risk of gossip, sometimes it’s hard to know who to trust. The article mentions letting a teenage vent. Depending on the situation I’ll usually turn to a friend to vent, because I know they won’t interrupt or try to lecture me.
When it comes to advice I’ve never had an upper figure to really show me which way to go. When I’m stressed my friends usually just help me cope with my stress, but never really let me speak upon the issue. My parents don’t listen at all, and it’s been like that for a long while now. I’ve become so independent that I don’t really feel I need to go to anyone. Sometimes I’ll go to people not for advice, but just so I can vent. Overall I usually use myself as an example to my own thoughts to push myself towards or away from something.
I always go to my parents for advice. I feel that if my parents are more informed on my life, we get along better and my life is just generally happier. I especially turn to my mom for everything. Whether it’s just a quick five minute phone call talking about our day, or a long talk about the future, I make the effort to talk to her because I trust her advice. My parents are two people in this world who I trust the most, and by opening that line of communication between us, it makes my life so much better.
1
At a younger stage of my life, I believed the best place to go with problems or questions was my friends and not my parents. As I’ve grown, I’ve done the exact opposite. Realizing that my parents have experienced way more than me has opened me up to them. Many of the problems I face today seem like grown up problems that need to be taken care of by adults, as I become an adult I learn by my parents helping me solve these problems. Although not all things require my parents help, I know they’re always there for support.
@Jakub M I agree, I feel like my parents will give me better advice than my friends since they are more experienced in life. I also think they know what's best for me since I am their child.
Parents are a great resource to use for advice. They have plenty of experience and have probably dealt with those same issues before. I have always gone to my parents for advice. They are understanding and I trust their answer. My dad is always the first person I turn to to get advice. He always knows what to say and to be honest sometimes, it is just beneficial to talk to someone more than it is to actually get an answer from them. I am very lucky to have understanding parents that I can talk to and get advice, not everyone gets that luxury. Through sports my parents have always been very supportive to me as well as my sister. Anything I put my mind on they have been there to back me up. Last year I decided to tryout for the track team. I had never been on a running team before, but I ran on my oven a bunch in the off season if cheer. My coaches, friends, family, and teammates were so supportive to me through the season. It was an amazing feeling to have so many around you supporting you and I hope others get a chance to feel the same way.
I often will turn to my mom when I am in need of advice, emotional support, or merely even an outlet to release my inner frustrations. I have an extremely close relationship with her, so I basically feel comfortable telling her anything on my mind, and often ask her for help when I am in need. I feel very lucky to have established this connection with her, because I know lots of people my age do not feel comfort to the level I do around their own mothers. Though we may be in very different stages our lives, I still value her opinion when I am dealing with my own struggles, since she has experienced far more life than I have, and may have a valuable input upon my situation. Even if the only comfort she can provide at the moment are words such as, “everything will be okay,” I still greatly appreciate her presence since sometimes just an ear to listen makes me ultimately feel less tense. Other times, I look to the support of my friends to give me advice on certain issues, since they may have a greater understanding of my current problem. Overall, it all depends on who I believe has a greater insight into what I am dealing with, or who will be a better listener to my situation. However, both parents and friends can be great options to recieve advice.
@Kiera W.
I think what you mentioned is why it is sometimes more beneficial to talk to your parents instead of friends. Their input seems to feel more valuable since they've had more experience in life. But I do also understand why people would go to their friends instead of their parents, since they might not not be very comfortable around their parents. Friends could probably also help more since the problems that they have could be more similar to ours.
Usually when I have a question I will look it up on the internet before asking anyone else, because wikipedia is typically more reliable. Once I know the facts about something and can form my own opinion I’ll ask other people how they feel about it. If I’m looking for advice on something academic I ask my dad because he’s more well versed on writing, math, and science subjects. But I refrain from asking him or my mom for social advice because of how different our lives and experiences are. They don’t always understand certain situations, or how my brain works in those situations because of my anxiety and ADHD, so their advice isn’t always very helpful. But I still appreciate how they try their best to support me.
In my opinion I feel like I go to my friends more than I go to my parents, because I feel like my friends better understand the situation because I would imagine they interact with me on the daily basis and understand what I like and dislike. And I’m not saying that my parents haven’t been through what I have and they don’t understand how to help, they don’t understand how my friends and I work is the problem. I come to my parents for advice on big life decisions like college, although it’s more of an obligation because they are helping me pay for college so really I don’t have a choice. I also believe that parents push and prod for information to much of the time, if you let the teenager come to you it will be a much more beneficial conversation for both the adult and teen.
As I have gotten older and especially now in high school I turn to my parents for advice a lot more. When I was younger I used to just keep whatever was on my mind to myself and try to deal with it the best way I knew how. But now I feel comfortable just speaking my mind to my parents no matter what the situation has been. I definitely feel that it has helped me relax and de-stress. Just being able to have someone listen while you get something off your chest really helps.
When it comes to talking about my issues I can't just talk to anyone. I've had both friends and family who like to run their mouths. Most of the time I go to my mom about my issues because I know she won't say anything or yell at me. She actually listens and gives me good advice, if i'm in the wrong she tells me but she doesn't make it into something where i would get in trouble. When I can't talk to her I talk to my closest friends. I don't usually like talking to friends about stuff just because I don't trust it so I like to keep to myself. I end up working through it myself and trying to keep everything together. I don't really trust anyone anymore since so many people are fake and not actually trying to be there for you. Everyone has a different reaction when I talk to them. I make sure the person I talk to I talk about certain things and not stuff that would put them in an uncomfortable situation. When i talk to my dad or step mom about certain stuff i would get in trouble and turns into a lecture so i only talk to them about school most of the time. My friends better support me just because i feel more comfortable talking to them and i don't really turn to ask for advice because its usually all the same, instead i do it to lift that weight off my shoulders.
My mom attended university for most of my life only graduating in December 2018. She was oftentimes busy so I would rarely approach her for advice. Even when I did approach her for advice, it felt like the fault was typically on me or the solution was something that would work for her and not me. My parents grew up in the Middle East so they had very different schooling and childhood. It's hard to turn to them for advice when they haven't exactly been to an American public school.
I talk to my mom all the time about all of my problems, sometimes i’ll wait anxiously at an event for my mom and me to be alone and be able to talk about rude behavior or things that really irritated me. I turn to my mom with everything, but most of the time I am not looking for advice.
Me and my mom are at a point now where she won’t give me her advice unless I ask or she has something she really thinks I should try. Most of the time me and my mom are on the same page and we both think I should do the same thing. I will say my mom gives pretty good advice. But more often than not the situation is not something I can change it is just something I want to vent about. I think I am really lucky to have someone I can turn to with everything. I love my friends but talking to my mom about problems really takes the weight of my shoulders.
@Emma McLaughlin
Like you, I am very lucky to have parents that I trust and that I can turn to for advice or just talking about other issues. My parents have always been there for me and are very supportive of me. Some parents these days have built a relationship with their kids where they are scared to come to their parents with things because they might get in trouble or get lectured. I value my relationship with my parents very much and I know that I can trust them. I feel as though every child should have someone like this to express their issues to.
@Emma McLaughlin I agree. We are very lucky to have parents who we can talk to and they will listen. Not everyone gets that benefit, so those who do should take advantage of it and use it. It is a great honor to have someone to always talk to and I hope that everyone gets a chance to feel the same way. They do so much that we don't even know, so that they take time to listen and want to help is an tremendous honor.
As much as I don’t admit it in front of my parents sometimes, I really value their opinions and when we can talk openly with each other. My parents are usually hardest on me about school and sports. My dad has been my basketball coach since I was 5 so after a game he’s not shy about telling me how he thought I did. I know he just wants me to get better and he is easy to talk to, but sometimes it can feel like a lot of pressure. My mom on the other hand is an educator, so she's always in the know about my grades and asks me about school all the time. With her, it’s definitely harder to feel like I can freely talk to her about everything. It can feel like more of a burden to ask for advice sometimes. A majority of the time, I could already tell you what they are going to say and they when I don’t ask, they can be defensive that I didn’t run something by them. It’s hard to think that they were my age at some point because I think my problems are so different than what they would have faced in their youth. If I couldn’t go to my parents for advice, I’d turn to my closest friends because they are like my family. They can relate more to whatever the situation is and I feel like they might be more helpful because they are my age. However, it is hard to think of a world where I couldn’t talk to my parents because I trust them and they are my family.
@Katherine Lennon I know what you mean when you say that you often know what your parents will say before they say it. It can make talking to them feel pointless sometimes. Although, often my parents can also be good listeners and give very honest advice, which isn't something we can say about that many of our friends. Overall, I agree that at the end of the day, our parents are our family and we trust them.
My parents and I have a good relationship with each other and I do talk to them about schoolwork and other sorts of problems with sports. But I honestly don’t feel comfortable talking to my parents about drama with my friend or anything like that. I feel like it would be an unwanted problem that I bring into my house when they already work all day and don’t want to be more stressed out. If it’s something serious I will talk to them.
@Alexander Jacaruso I can see why you don't feel comfortable talking about drama with your parents, but I think that they would be more than happy to discuss your problems. Even if they have very little to give regarding the situation, they will appreciate you trusting them and will even help by simply taking your side. Like the article states, a simple "You have every right to be upset" can completely change your feelings on an issue. It makes you feel in the right and and makes you feel less petty if it is a petty issue.
I am very lucky with the relationship I have with my parents. I can tell them about stupid things that are going on in my life, and they will never judge me. They'll tell me that certain situations stink or when there are certain things I can do to avoid hurting others' feelings. So talking to my parents is one of the most important parts of my life, and I think it should be the same for everyone.
I do like to talk to my parents about problems I face but not unless they are serious or ongoing. When I do talk to them they tend to interrupt me and try to give their response a little too soon. I think that in the future I may talk to a trusted friend or ask them to hold their thoughts for a minute and just let me explain the situation or problem first before giving their opinion on the matter.
1
@Mason Buckner
I also have a hard time trying to express my feelings and opinions with my parents because they always just run their mouth or not pay attention before I can finish speaking but I also believe that you have to have someone that you can talk to because if you don’t let some of that pressure out your going to have a nervous breakdown because of all the anxiety and pressure.
Headline: Friends or Adults
When I spill my issues on my parents they always have the most logical solution. The problem is that we don’t always want that solution. It is definitely hard and uncomfortable to take the advice they give.
When I have problems the first few people I will go to are my brothers. They are older and think logically but they are close to me. We struggle with these conversations because it is usually very personal and we don’t like sharing personal issues.
On the way home from school if I’m in the mood I will just talk and talk to my mom. She usually has an idea as to what to do and I take it into consideration. These ideas are usually “irritating and irrelevant” because they are not convenient to us and our everyday life.
Close friends will give me reliable advice. Sometimes when I come to them with an issue I can tell if they are being biased, this can change the outcome of a situation. I went with a biased decision instead of the logical one. My friends could improve their support by thinking what is truly best for me.
There have been multiple times I have gone to my parents for advice. They don't always give the best advice or say what I want them to say, but I like talking to them to see how their answer differs from what a friend might've said. There have been a few times when this has happened, I ask my Mom for advice and she says the complete opposite of what I was thinking. But there have been other times where she has been a big help to me and given great advice on what to do. I think for certain situations it's just easier to ask your friends for their advice, they understand you better and can relate easier. Overall, I think parents can give good advice on certain things, just not everything.
@Bailey Hughes
I agree that it's good to hear what your parents say about certain issues and what your friends say. My mom says some things that I know she thinks are helpful but are not what I thought she'd say. Good job on your comment.
Headline: Friends or Adults
When I spill my issues on my parents they always have the most logical solution. The problem is that we don’t always want that solution. It is definitely hard and uncomfortable to take the advice they give.
When I have problems the first few people I will go to are my brothers. They are older and think logically but they are close to me. We struggle with these conversations because it is usually very personal and we don’t like sharing personal issues.
On the way home from school if I’m in the mood I will just talk and talk to my mom. She usually has an idea as to what to do and I take it into consideration. These ideas are usually “iritatting and irrelevant” because they are not convenient to us and our everyday life.
Close friends will give me reliable advice. Sometimes when I come to them with an issue I can tell if they are being biased, this can change the outcome of a situation. I went with a biased decision instead of the logical one. My friends could improve their support by thinking what is truly best for me.
As a teen, I know that every child has problems and worries throughout every single day. There are some things you just cannot get out of your head. Sometimes, it feels as if the hardest thing in the world is to go to your parents for advice. But the truth is, they are a huge help and one of your biggest supporters. I have turned to my parents a countless number of times. Although it’s never easy, it’s always the right decision because almost every time I ask them for advice, I leave feeling calm and refreshed. I feel very lucky to have such great parents, it’s important to be open and honest with them all the time.
Personally I enjoy talking about my problems but I can't just talk to anyone. Over the past years my mom and I got closer and that is like my best friend. I always ask for her advice because I know that she will lead me in the right direction in life. Yes, sometimes it is hard to talk to her about situations or it's uncomfortable but once I let it all out I feel much better. There's not many other people in my life that I can just randomly go and talk to about things with, unless they are my best friend and I can trust them. I think the hardest thing for teens nowadays is they don't know who to talk to because of trust or even how to talk to people about their problems. Possibly, some kids don't even want answers to their problems or help, maybe they just want to be heard. If a parent happened to be reading this, the advice I would give to you about talking to your children is try to be open and honest and let them know you have their back when things get rough.
Personally, I rarely turn to my parents for advice. I have never really thought about why I don’t, but it always just seemed more natural to talk to other people. The main people I turn to are my two older cousins and my teammates from club sports. I think it feels more natural to talk to them because I believe they would understand more due to their similar age and lifestyle. To go along with this, I feel like they would give better advice on what to do due to them having a better understanding of the topic and/or situation. However this is not always the case, and it is important to remember the your parents were your age once and likely share experiences with the ones you are having right now. Finally, I find that the best people to turn to for help are ones that don’t always offer a full solution, but instead just listen and ask questions to guide you along in finding a solution for yourself.
@Thomas Maybe if you talk to your parents for advice they might be able to help you. I'm not saying that turning to your friends is a bad thing its just you might build a better relationship with your parents if you talk tot hem about schoolwork.
Throughout the school day, there are many things to think/worry about. Not only do I have a test today but my friends are arguing over some petty drama. The learning and social aspects of school all weave together into something that is, a lot of the time, hard to fully understand. Especially when you are busy and don’t have time to settle down and think things over.
I am always thinking, talking, or laughing about something. While I am an extrovert at school, I become an introvert at home. I have never come to my parents to air out my feelings or talk about things regarding school. They wouldn’t know or understand anything I am going through. There is no need or want to tell them about the intricacies of school life. The article talks about articulating worries and concerns, which I think is healthy for anyone to do, but with whom? I guess you can do this with your parents but I find it easier to just talk to my friends. I’m totally different at home than at school but I know that my friends share my plight. Maybe it is easier to talk to my friends because I can be my true self around them. I don’t think my parents have the time or energy to want to deal with my rants when I can’t even deal with insane self. I am not necessarily looking for an answer to my problems just someone to bond with. The article suggests just listening to your child but I don’t just want someone to hear me. I want a response. A response, I feel, only my friends can give.
@Akye Nixon-McCray
Have you tried talking to your parents about things? Maybe they would understand and hear you out if you tell them how you really feel.
I don't have the opportunity to live with my parents since my father got deported back to Honduras and my mother gave up custody of me when I was a baby. My mother had me when she was only twenty and never grew up. My grandmother has legal custody and regardless I find it very hard and uncomfortable to talk to these three people. I don't talk to my father that much anymore. My mother and grandmother like getting angry at me for issues that I didn't even cause and always tell me to figure it out myself. I can't even show emotions in my house or I would get yelled at for being happy, sad, etc.
There aren't other adults in my life that I can turn to for support as I prefer going to my close friends when I'm upset because I know that I can trust them and they would give me good advice in return. My family is out of the question as they get angry at me for anything. I think that parents and teenagers often struggle to have these conversations with one another because they both grew up in different times where society was more different than it is today.
I feel better understood by my friends as some of them grew up the same way I did and know how I feel in a way, so they would have better advice on how to deal with my disruptive household. I don't really trust adults anymore.
@Stephanie Cueva I can understand why you would feel more inclined to find support from your friends than from your parents. Different generations go through different experiences that shape their ideology and sometimes the adults in your life cannot understand the struggles that your generation goes through.
You said that you don’t trust adults anymore, but I think you should try and communicate more with the adults in your life. Explain the differences and try to create more understanding. Although some of their experiences might not apply to modern situations, adults do have more knowledge that could be beneficial to hear about.
I think it’s nice to get opinions from people who have more experience like adults and also opinions from peers who can relate to the situation.
Regarding the help of my parents I enjoy both being listened to and receiving their advice— although I don’t always listen to it. I am lucky enough to have a very open relationship with my parents where they want me to communicate with them and want to communicate with me, so they are pretty receptive to listen to anything I say. Whether it be about a bad day, drama, or issues with relationships my parents will always listen. Especially when I’m upset I really appreciate this aspect because I don’t necessarily want to be given advice when I find myself very sad or angry about it, but the fact they listen to me and let’s me get it off my chest comes as a relief. In other situations where I’m struggling and just don’t know what to do, like getting a bad grade or having an issue with a friend, I love when they not only listen to me, but they offer their own advice. As much as I hate to admit it, they are older than me and do have many more experiences under their belt in which they can draw advice from so it is helpful for them to offer it to me in a time of need. In general, I find it important to have a balance of both with parents in order to maintain a healthy relationship with their kids.
@Elysia P. That is very true. The adults have so much more experience than us.
@Elysia P.
I also don't usually enjoy getting advice, usually my mom offers me pretty confrontational solutions that I don't always like to hear. In the end I usually take her advice and deal with the problem, it almost always works out.
I think it's the hardest thing to go to a parent for advice. My parents always want to give me a lecture. Not advice. And nine times out of 10, I know what they're going to say. I think it's easier to go to an older friend. Someone who has truly had experience but also understands what we may be going through. Parents sometimes don't really understand the stress some of us have. They forget what it was like to be our age.
Honestly though, I wish I could go to my parents about stuff. But, I just don't have that kind of relationship with them.
@Sydney Short That does happen quite often. I will go to my parents asking when dinner is ready and it turns into life advice about never being ready. If things that simple turn into lectures, a personal issue can be terrible.
Although there are some instances where I would rather go to a friend for help with an issue, it is relieving to express my concerns to a trusted adult/parent. As the article suggests, though parents may not be able to change heartbreak, friend issues, etcetera, it is better for us teens to get things off our chests. As anxiety rates continuously increase in teenagers, it is important that each person has somebody they can rant to or go to for advice because bottling things up is only temporary. The article gives good advice to parents, though I want to hear what they have to say in regards to a problem, sometimes it is nice to have them as a “sounding board” as one student said.
Many times children feel like they cannot turn to their parents for many things like advice or just to share feelings. Many children feel extremely pressured to be perfect by their parents and sometimes it’s difficult to share what we really feel because we are afraid we might upset our parents because we are not living up to their standards. This is an issue because we seek the most approval from our parents and sometimes we base our values off of what they think, so we believe that they have very valuable advice but in the end to some children that advice is sometimes difficult to receive due to the overwhelming pressure from our parents.
To me, talking to my parents about an issue is an awkward experience. If I have an issue that I need help solving I usually hop on my phone and text my group chat. All 15 people in the group chat are some of my closest friends that I feel like I can share anything with. They have been with me through the good and the bad. They’ve seen me struggle, persevere, and succeed. I know that I should go to my parents more often to talk to them about my struggles, but I just feel that I connect with my closest friends the most. Because they see me all the time. We have lunch together, band together (yes I am in band), and rehearsal together. You could count vacation as seeing my parents but who is going to talk about their struggles while on a sunny beach in California. So, in the end, my friends are who I go to for advice because they get me, and see the true me.
My reaction to the parents responses is pretty typical for a teenager. Like said in the article most teenagers just want their parents to listen to them without interruption and when finished instead of offering solutions just say the little comment like “Man that sucks” or just take your side. In reality most parents interject while their teenager is ranting, which they can’t help because they care so much, causing the teenager to become even more frustrated. This common occurrence is just the norm now and if parents don’t figure out what they need to say and when to say it their teenager might stop coming to them with their problems because they already know what the response is gonna be.
I do not like to speak about my problems with parents because they tend to share them with their friends and my personal problem becomes public and embarrassing. Another reason for why I tend to Avoid asking for advice is because sometimes what I am feeling may be isn’t serious to my parents so they take it as a joke and laugh. I’m addition to this I like to problem solve and find a way to fix or at least cope with the problem I’m going through as a learning process to think for myself and help me grow to be an independent adult.
@Brian Avila I so agree with your comment. Anything I tell my mom, my grandma "mysteriously" finds out. Wonder how that happened. If I go to one of my parents, it's information for them and no one else. If I wanted my grandparents and parent's friends to know, i'd tell them too.