The world is melting down around us. The Trump dictatorship is becoming entrenched as we speak. The GOP-led Senate--as well as corporate leaders from New York to Silicon Valley to Hollywood--remain woefully silent about what is transpiring in our midst--because they are financially benefitting from Trump's policies.
The question here--for Brooks Barnes, the New York Times, and readers everywhere is: is Ben Affleck even remotely relevant at this moment in time? I would strongly argue that he is not. I would propose that Brooks Barnes spend more time investigating the political leanings--and corporate-oligarchical wealth of the various Hollywood luminaries he is bent on covering. Start with the Murdochs, Bob Iger, Shari Redstone...and just go on down the line from there. Far more interesting than Ben Affleck's back tattoo to American citizens is the culpability of Hollywood in enabling a burgeoning Trump dictatorship.
67
@MSPWEHO
Sometimes we need a break from the relentless stream of bad news. I know I do. (I'm a news junkie who reads the NYT, WAPO, WSJ and many more.)
At least Ben Affleck makes an effort to make good movies, which is more than I can say for most of his peers.
33
I'm sorry, no. Trump is just the transitory nonsense that consumes the informational environment. And remember, it is transitory. That nonsense adds nothing to most people's lives. I don't keep up with Ben Affleck or Jennifer Garner, or celebrities for that matter, but I disagree. I actually appreciate seeing a story out there about someone at least trying to make themselves better. That's worth reading about.
26
@MSPWEHO The Times and other news outlets do a magnificent job of covering the current abominable administration and it's supporters as well as the resulting affects on our system of government and way of life. It's actually hard for me to escape minute-by-minute coverage of practically every aspect of the current slow motion train wreck of this Presidency. And yet, the world moves on. We need some small escape from all of this or it would become overwhelming. At least it would for me. Stories like this give me that break I need. As do stories about sports, food, books, nature, etc. Don't worry, I'm always back on my day job of trying to overthrow the current administration with every fiber of my being in short order. I just need a breather now and then. You should try it.
13
Its not easy to be a human being in front of a world that can sometimes be so unkind. Its also not easy losing control and having a breakdown in front of the whole world. He's a human being just like the rest of us. We make mistakes and we will never be perfect. I think he's a great person and such a good human. He's just living his life.
270
@LP Completely agree.
10
He chooses to share this now in order to promote his film. Self confession to get butts in seats.I do wish him well
4
I have new found respect for Ben Affleck after reading this story. The battle he fights never ends as this disease wants control.... and ultimately death. Fight on sir....I am rooting for you.
5
As to honesty...lying about his back tattoo is in no way a reflection of Affleck's commitment to honesty. He lives in a fish bowl and he is entitled to whatever privacy he can find. Lying to yourself and the people that matter to you is where the problem is.
5
I was a police officer during the World Trade Center attacks. Ben Affleck came down to the sight and visited Ground Zero as many other celebrities did. He came through my check point as a passenger in a vehicle and I remember his drunk arrogance making me so angry. None of us are perfect. Maybe he's genuinely turned the corner.
6
Good advert for the film. Much better than the one The NYT did with Bradley Cooper for A Star is Born.
Well done to Ben Affleck for persevering with sobriety. Relapsing is not merely embarrassing, it is a rabbit warren which requires an almighty extrication. To have achieved that extraction three times and, have lived to tell the tales, deserves cautious congratulations.
2
I can see Ben relapsing after starring in a film like "The Last Thing He Wanted." How does something so poorly wrought ever get made, released, seen, forgotten?
Does any one really care about yet another tale of a high profile alcoholic in recovery and telling all? One wishes Affleck and the myriad of other less well known struggling addicts well, but was there no person or artistic event worthier of a full page spread in the Times?
Also, what is it about the ubiquitous bare foot celebrity photo? This tired gimmick surely has no appeal or relevance to any readers other those nurturing a foot fetish. Has the man no shoes or socks?
5
Dont drink and go to meeting Ben. And practice the 11th tradition.
1
I admire and commend Mr. Affleck for dealing with his addiction, and wish him well.
But my comment is about his status as a movie star. Yes, he has talent, but what makes him a leading man is the lottery-ticket pure luck that made him physically beautiful. You can be a great actor without those good look$, but you will probably then be a character actor and not a leading man. All of this has no significance, other than random musing about the role of luck in our lives. The same genes that caused his family predisposition to addiction gave him his gorgeous face. Otherwise, we would not be reading about him in the New York Times.
5
I have not ever liked his acting nor his behaviour off screen which has lasted years!! Despite all of his privilege and the resources that are available to him (and not others). I steer clear of his movies and when I have watched him act it seems so narcissistic.
2
"What was everyone eating? Who cares." Thank you for this. Leaving out this kind of dreck made the story far more compelling.
3
Come on this is just a reality TV promo piece for Affleck's upcoming movie. As someone else pointed out with a net worth of $130 million it's hard to feel sorry for the tough life of a movie star. Why so many people are suckers for this I will never understand. Ben Affleck in his mansions and private jets doesn't care about you he just wants to go to his movies and the $$$$.....
2
It’s important that Ben recognize it is not all about him.
It’s about all the people around him who failed him and made him an alcoholic. Starting with Jennifer.
1
@John H
Absolutely not. We do not "make"others become alcoholics. It is either a choice to drink excessively or a disease.
There are varied opinions about that. But never did we cause our loved ones to be alcoholic. I have never in my life heard of others being blamed for the illness/actions of alcoholics. The blame lies solely with the drunkard.
6
Today would have been my thirteenth wedding anniversary with my husband. He, like Affleck, had that discomfort that never went away, despite the constant scratching with alcohol. I respect Affleck taking accountability, which my now-ex never did. He's still scratching the itch, even more so now that I'm not there to tell him to stop. He pulls it together long enough to be a good-enough father to our boys. Moving on was easier than I imagined and I honestly can't summon up a good memory of marriage. I don't know what's going on in his head, and I happily gave up trying to understand. But I do know what it's like to be the Jennifer Garner in this situation. I hope she's taking good care of herself and that she continues to be a powerful presence in Affleck's life while maintaining a strong arm's length.
946
@Nikki Good for you, and your boys, for taking action and moving on. Sadly, your ex has not yet hit a bottom that was hard enough to force a wake up call. Because of that, your boys are learning to interact with a dad who is dysfunctional. What they're taking away from those experiences may very well have long term effects on them. ALANON is most often the best next step for you and your boys (there's a teen version available). Its about honesty and accountability for all of you. Godspeed.
30
@Dragoons-2MARDIV: There's also SMART Recovery for those not spiritually inclined. They have a Friends and Family group and learning the science of addition is just as helpful as the AA groups.
30
That’s why I say my wife is a gift. And I love her (Beatles). Everyday.
14
I will never forget his attack on Sam Harris a number of years ago on Bill Maher's show. No forgiveness here
39
@Judy Petersen I just rewatched the clip. It was not an attack, but rather Affleck refused to allow Harris to provide a narrow-minded (and frankly harmful) depiction of a religion of over 1 billion people. Kudos to him for shutting down hate and bigotry.
44
@Judy Petersen he didn't attack Sam Harris he pointed out that Sam Harris was wrong. And spreading fear.
27
@Judy Petersen I wholeheartedly agree.
4
Great article! Refreshing truth! Go Ben go!
To be sure, we all have our demons and indulgence-based product marketing has but one single goal:
Keep them ALL alive and well within that fogged and numbed-down place called reason at time of decision.
Perhaps we need celebrities to tell us about their struggles with alcohol. Most of us in a program continue to live our lives anonymously, and society is a beneficiary of our steadfast efforts to remain sober, one day at a time. There are pitfalls in declaring one's sobriety, especially in the media. Relapses are part of the process, sometimes even after long periods of sobriety, so an element of humility is important, lest we make fools of ourselves.
1
I love just love being sober.....would change my peace and serenity for the world. That being said, it takes great courage to be responsible for your life and not blame others. But Mr.Ben has plenty of good company who are sober and their careers are excellent now, Brad Pitt being most recent. Good Luck and enjoy your serenity.
1
Almost anyone can come to abuse alcohol, drugs, food, and money, and the key word is "abuse." It's not always enough to appreciate good sleep and a great day (and remember it), after no drinking and eating healthy food. We need to feel part of something greater, a community, loving friends, fulfillment, a sense of peace... to not abuse the pleasures that alcohol and food can actually provide. Alcohol is not the demon, but merely feeds the demon.
2
I am happy to read mostly positive, supportive comments here. It's so easy to look at someone like Mr. Affleck with a cynical eye and eye only the privilege; the perks of his life. I look forward to seeing The Way Back, not only because it sounds like a good story about real and flawed people (as we all are,) but because with the theatrical film business struggling, I want to support this kind of filmmaking. I hope Mr. Affleck has a big, big future ahead, both personally and in his career.
4
This article did not really get into his struggle with gambling which is in some ways more dangerous than alcohol. All in all though, good and illuminating article that hopefully some will learn from.
3
So true. Driving while gambling is such a scourge.
1
Glad Ben is trying and hope he succeeds, but it does not erase the pain and disappointment he has caused. Having been married to an alcoholic, I comes to soon realize that because of their illness everything is centered around their needs. Exhausting. Stay strong Gen. Don’t get pulled in and down into their drama. Be happy. Live your life.
1
Too many pretenders (actors) spend way too much energy trying to influence the rest of us on every social matter from politics to the latest weather report. It's always uninvited and most of us know these 'pretenders' are almost never an expert at any of it. But they're opinionated and want us to follow suit. Too many are spun out on drugs or alcohol or whatever and really just need to focus on their own problems and fix themselves rather than try to be artificial heroes to the rest of us.
2
@USAF Patriot
Obviously you're entitled to an opinion that (too many or all?) actors are "pretenders", a 1st Amendment right guaranteed to every American. Assuming I read your comment correctly, kindly admit actors are people vulnerable to human frailty as is anyone from any profession. Certainly you've come across USAF or other military personnel who use alcohol or other substances as a crutch. Psychology studies have sown outward toughness sometimes is used to hide shame of countless varieties. "I'm not good enough because _____".
Please pause to consider those last two lines for a moment. No one is perfect. Full stop.
Countless religions and prophets preach forgiveness over eternal condemnation. "The lesson is that you can still make mistakes and be forgiven." Robert Downey Jr.
Addictions to alcohol, drugs or any substance/routine seems to sneak up on people. As babies we're not born alcoholics. That said, please consider offering compassion to people struggling with addiction if offering your opinion as a kindness and encouragement to folks who aren't "pretenders".
“We are all different. Don’t judge, understand instead." Roy T. Bennett (The Light in the Heart)
1
We all must come to understand the compulsions and demons inside ourselves. I can't imagine that it is easy while inside Hollywood. I've always enjoyed his acting and movies. They are better than the box office receipts make them out to be. I think the game will come to him again. Somebody in Hollywood will find the perfect vehicle for him.
I'm 68 and it's been 15 years since I had a beer. My drinking was a medication for anxiety, and the problem I have with continually renouncing a bad habit of the past is that it's self defeating. Everyone has faults and everyone is on a daily regime of either trying to make himself better or feeling sorry for themselves and being lethargic. Sure it was a bad judgment call but to continually bring it up for the sake of women who are judging you is again defeating the strength you need to carry on. The past is the past and Ben needs to quit being asked about it. We're getting to the point where we're being asked to continually bring up the past to be honest with it and we already know that. Carry on Ben and don't get pulled into the light for the sake of movies. You know what's going on and everyone else needs to quit looking inside and judge you on today instead of yesterday. If your judged on yesterday, where then they're weak and not you, cause you hug yourself everyday and don't need to share the past anymore with anyone.
1
Heart-felt, honest words by an actor struggling to discover a healthy self. It's assuring Affleck notes Bradley Cooper and Robert Downey Jr. weathering addictions to become admirable and successful people, granted those words carry perspective.
Alcoholism, or any addictive behavior, is brutal. A person copes day to day by surviving minute by minute. Long-term, wholesome perspective doesn't exist. My mother was a lifetime alcoholic our collective 37 years who went through rehab 4 times. She was a hard drinker since my earliest memories who found moments of clarity after each rehab. Like Ben's father's drinking, my mother was drunk single everyday. The incident causing her fourth rehab was a police officer traffic stop at 10:30 a.m. for a minor driving concern where she blew a 0.24.
My journalistic memories recall her as a penultimate liar who somehow navigated our world after a daily bottle of vodka. While I hated all that and fought her as a teenager, I've never known why she drank.
Recently I'm trying blind forgiveness, and why not? Some people have troubles. Actually we all do. Some cope easily using healthy outlets. Others spiral into addictive habits trying to vanquish some ghost or end pain. I no longer critique others as I once judged my mother because life is hard. I try to at least offer compassion first and foremost when I meet struggling people. Kindness is a great start.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” - Plato
6
In our culture alcohol is everywhere. I was recently in a bar and the bar tender told a visibly intoxicated patron that he was cut off and shouldn't drive. The patron asked, "if I shouldn't drive why do you a parking lot"?
Good luck to Ben. i hope he takes his sobriety one day at a time, concentrates on work, his kids and healthy lifestyle choices and continues his progress. It's a lifetime commitment to admit the problem and then manage it.
2
Hey Ben, don't let the world destroy what you have. Your wife is also a supurb actress, one of my favorites. I think your doing right and good decisions here!
1
Go get your girl back.
At least she's not dead.
Walk up to her tell her you want her back.
2
God told me if I did not stop drinking I will die!!
Yes many black outs, would be standing in clubs with friends and the next thing I know their picking me up off the floor, and the first thing I would say! I need a drink!
Went through treatment in Miami, Florida at Camillus House Shelter in a program called ISPA. April 30th on my Birthday I will have 4 years in recovery and feel great and quit smoking after 34 years of smoking and drinking. The key to the whole thing is, You have to believe in a Higher Power!! And want to stop!!! I was abused as a child and suppressed my emotions and hid behind it with Alcohol. I see a lot of Doctors & take a lot of medications for depression & anxiety and my FAITH keeps me from committing suicide! I do have bad days and want to go to Heaven because of how the people in the world have become. I have a lot of why ?'s, I leave it up to GOD !!
1
The problem is anti-depressants. The body is trying to control you through its pain/pleasure drugs, and taking anti-depressants destroys that, without any sort of rational replacement. They dehumanize a person. Like Harris and Klebold, you longer care about things that should matter, like murder being wrong. Life is supposed to be painful. That is how you know you are alive. Taking drugs and alcohol to banish the demons is only going to make into an inhuman monster.
But I like what Affleck has done and hope he has found he right track now.
Yes, first things first. But perhaps the most frustrating thing about being an addict is that one becomes a control freak who is totally out of control.
Keep comin' back. It works if you work it.
1
A sage said, "What is most personal,( our pain, our shame, anguish, our unfettered joy,) is most Universal. We feel for each other deeply. We run aground for a thousand reasons, some known, some unknown. Emotionally charged challenges in our relationships, stem from imbalances we may never be aware of.... long standing chemical or hormonal imbalances, insupportable stresses, mistaken beliefs held as truth, undiagnosed injury to the brain from sports, car accidents, a severe bump on the head we've forgotten, even from under the sink, we don't know affected us, or an illness whose effects linger till properly healed. Because our brains, thus our thoughts & feelings, are controlled by over a hundred thousand different chemicals, hormones, neurotransmitters etc., that must stay in very specific chemical balance to run well, all affected by stress, sleep, foods we eat, underlying imbalances, not one of us can know what its like to live inside the brain of another. I do know this, torment, unimaginable pain can occur that is masked by years of cultural conditioning and even the body's own desire for homeostasis, a natural drive for all systems to return to health & well being. Learning how to re-balance all these things that can go out of balance, in healthful, life enriching, joyful ways is key to well being. Treating ourselves with extraordinary tenderness, respect & love - no matter what we've done or been through, is not only possible, but essential to it. Love heals.
2
My husband was a steady habitual drinker who denied being an alcoholic. Fortunately I made my escape from him when my youngest was 9 years old. Years later that son became an alcoholic. He has just finished two sessions of rehab and psychiatric treatment. He's been sober for over 1 year. Alcohol is a poison, the cause of so much suffering and we treat it as something special, necessary for social life, an important part of our culture. It's a poison.
4
Alcoholism and addictions are diseases, although many try to deny it, say it just takes “simple willpower” to control. Some are more vulnerable to addiction due to family genetics. How vulnerable? An aunt, uncle and their son succumbed to alcoholism. They died young.
Their daughter was determined to avoid their fate and never had a drink. Never. After a medical crisis, she was given opiates and remembers that first dose, the exact day. She was addicted from then on, although she sought counseling and went to rehab several times. She felt like a failure and she was ashamed.
l believe her addictive tendencies were genetic, no different than a family history of cancer, diabetes, etc. I hope they determine the biochemical makeup of vulnerable individuals so treatment is more effective.
7
Honesty is the best policy Ben. I just turned 26yrs clean and sober on February 19 2020 and started my journey back on February 19th 1994. I was homeless and no place to turn. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired, I changed the day I made the decision to change my actions and stop doing things over and over and expecting different results. It all stated with honesty, no with others but with my own self. That is how I have made it this far. One foot in front of the other and living one day at a time with a program that qwas made just for me and others. I couldn't do it alone I need help from others that walded my path before me.
I wish you the best and a wonderful journey.
5
I object to the term "alcoholic". It reduces a human being with a mostly-genetic disease to the disease itself. And the accepted term is Alcohol Use Disorder. People have alcohol Use Disorder, but nobody is "an alcoholic". That produces shame where there should be none.
We recognize this is a disease, and have done so for well over 60 years. It is high time we dump the idea that this is a choice and ditch the shame so people can get help.
Also important to note that about 70% of people drink, and of those, 1 in 10 are heavy drinkers, and of those, only 1 in 10 suffer from Alcohol Use Disorder. 1 in 10 of the people with Alcohol Use Disorder will develop Cirrhosis. And about 1 in 10 of people with Cirrhosis die of it.
Yet Cirrosis deaths have risen 40% in young people since 2009. Why? Because we deny them life saving liver transplantation...which we started doing in 1997, thanks to UNIS's blatant disregard for Americans with Disabilities Act.
People with Alcohol Use Disorder needing transplants fare just as well with surgery as people getting transplants for other reasons. Only 1.5% continue to drink excessively after transplantation, according to the largest study of the subject done by the University of Pittsburgh. Yet we still want to blame people for their diseases, and we are killing over 70,000 Americans each year to feed our holier-than-thou attitudes.
Let's wise up, give these people the healthcare they deserve, and figure out how to help them earlier.
2
I hope for and wish the best for Ben Affleck as he acknowledges his battle with alcohol; he's a fine actor, has been since the early days with Matt Damon. As more people reveal their battles with drugs of any kind I hope it gives hope to those who are going through it to get help, and those of us who haven't been there the sensitivity to root for their success! Bravo to Ben for opening up like this.
3
Ben Affleck seems to be in a permanent state of superposition, simultaneously a faded star we're tired of and one we can't wait to welcome back. This is in stark contrast to Robert Downey Jr., whose public image decidedly swung from 'complete disaster' to 'give him a chance' until Iron Man cemented public goodwill.
1
Acting is a very cathartic experience when the right subject matter is done. Hopefully for Ben this is part of his journey back from the abyss.
Sobriety: It works, if you work it, so work it, you're worth it. Keep going! It gets better. #16
3
I really enjoyed this article. I love the honesty. I love the humanity. I love the sincerity and humility that Affleck seems to be embracing. It's believable. I've enjoyed much of his work. Gone Girl is a brilliant movie. I knew he was a fine actor before, but his performance in Gone Girl, compounded with the talented Rosamund Pike and the genius of Fincher, blew me away. It's fantastic that he's getting help, and having the support of a man like Robert Downey Jr. inspires hope. Because of this artcile, I will be watching The Way Back, and because of this article, I will appreciate it more.
3
i would like to know more about his early family life and ethnicity -- was drinking how his culture coped with problems? People of different cultural heritages cope differently.
1
Having been a longtime admirer of Ben Affleck's movies, I was deeply saddened when I read about his addiction struggles. I too have had struggles with addiction and know how difficult it is to deal with and be in recovery. I so love Mr. Affleck's movies and can just imagine the amazing person he is in many ways. Addiction has destroyed his life and he has to dig himself out of a hole. That is almost impossible to do, but many do just that and they are in recovery the rest of their lives. I hope Mr. Affleck can dig himself out of his hole and stay out. That is the hard part. I am 15 years sober and wish the best for him and his family (yes, they are still his family). I respect him and will always go see his latest movie. I will always be a fan of his and wish him the very best in his recovery.
1
Wishing you the best of luck with the new film, Ben. You are still my favorite.
Some would say that honesty doesn't always pay, some would say that honesty is always the best policy. If being honest with others means helping to overcome their harmful addictions, fears of failure, negative views on self worth, to help in developing coping mechanisms that enable moving on from the demons that seemingly control inner sanctums where peace of mind and spiritual harmony should co-exist.....then Ben ticks all the right boxes, honesty has to be the best policy!
The only way to make this work out easy is with Jesus Christ. I know it's really chancy for celebs to engage in honest religion but the old Alchoholics Anonymous system worked so well or the same reason. When your problems are bigger than you, go to the One bigger than all of them.
And does the guy who disappointed Our Jen owe the country an apology? This article comes pretty close, reminds me of Terms of Endearment.
I do not drink, never have and never had the desire or interest. But, I do know many who have fought this addiction-some with success, others not. It is tragic when a person cannot overcome this need, but when a person does, their life can soar. Hopefully, Ben can continue to fight his demons, face himself, his children, and Ms. Garner, and most importantly, forgive himself, and move on. His business showers many rewards, but it does not come without a price-being the loss of privacy. May he find some place to hide and find peace for himself and his children and family.
5
He’s a human being like the rest of us and subject to flaws and embarrassing moments but it’s in front of a lot of people. I empathize but do not have a lot of room for someone who has all the resources in the world to take care of himself.
What’s missing, I think, is the joy of small things: Pushing your kid on a swing, taking her to the movies, putting her to bed. On a personal level, activities like skiing, tennis working out, riding a bike. Those are my favorite things.
Drugs and alcohol are a dead end if used to escape. A beer or a good cocktail, a glass of wine, is plenty. One has to work at it.
1
This article is essential reading. We tend to regard Hollywood megastars as invincible and this account cuts away those misconceptions. There are many more Hollywood notables than Affleck and the more they divulge their stories the better.
4
I wish Mr. Affleck well in his recovery journey. I don't like him, and would have liked to see some more acknowledgement for the pain he put Ms. Garner and his three children through.
"I started drinking more and more when my marriage was falling apart"
Where's the part about cheating on his family with the nanny during that same period? I must've missed that retelling in this piece. "Now He's Trying Honesty" doesn't appear to be really honest.
1
I lost my oldest, best friend five years ago to alcoholism. I didn't even know he had a problem. The incredible guilt and anger about this that I carry will be for the rest of my life. Even in the end, when the truth was finally upon me, via his ex-wife and his sister, he didn't address it or admit it to me. We spoke on the phone, because he was in the hospital, dying of liver failure, still trying to conceal the truth from me. The doctors refused to put him on the transplant list unless he committed to staying sober for six months. He couldn't do it. He died at age 45. The first words I said to his sister were, "I feel like an idiot." She told me it had been a problem for about 10 years and that he'd been to rehab several times, only to relapse. He left behind a pre-pubescent son and myriad heartbroken family members and friends. What drove him to it? Why couldn't he confide in me? Why all the lying to conceal it? (He told me he had a rare blood disorder and unspecified internal bleeding). Alcoholism didn't run in his family. He had a good job. I'm glad Ben Affleck woke up. I hope he can overcome this. I will always miss my friend, who was like a brother to me.
4
Mr. Affleck, Looking forward to seeing your new movie. I love sports movies. My brother in law in CT always watches "Miracle" about the 1980 US Olympic Men's Hockey team by Gavin O'Connor. He is a former college ice hockey player grew up in Boston. Mr. Affleck we wish you the best. We are rooting for you and you will always be in our thoughts and prayers. Alcohol and drug addiction is a major problem in our country. I think it exists in every extended family in America.
3
Mr Affleck - you’re not dead, and neither is your ex-wife. If you want to remedy the situation, do it. You never know until you ask.
5
The trailer looks average at best, however I do like a good come back story (Ben's career). It's worth a watch ...
1
Ben,
I’m writing this from New Hampshire. You are a New Englander. We are Yankees, our foundations are granite, and we are strong.
You got this. Believe it.
3
Dear editor - this article is one of the best celebrity sit down types I've read. It would have been better to leave this out -
O’Connor said that Affleck had a “total breakdown” on set after completing the scene.
Why the quotes? Why the need? He was affected by the scene; why focus on it with a condescending line like this.
I don't read that as condescending. It's realistic and revealing. Affleck experienced catharsis. This movie might actually be good.
2
It's helpful for me to hear Mr. Affleck's story. Like him, I grew up in an alcoholic home. Like him, I had addictive tendencies, but my drug of choice was caring for everyone and "managing" their issues, instead of focusing on my own well-being. Thankfully there's Al-Anon for anyone affected by someone else's drinking. There, I learned how to get off the chaos rollercoaster and discovered what healthy relationships look like.
12
There's not much difference between Ben, the homeless drunk sleeping behind a dumpster and me, when it comes to alcoholism. Extract the bank balance and status - it's predictably the same spin cycle for any alcoholic - emotional pain, excess, consequences, shame, repeat. We have plenty of catch up work when it comes to addiction awareness and treatment. This is obvious by the pain and bitterness of family/friends, expressed in this comments section. We can justifiably stand behind concepts of accountability and responsibility, in our exasperation with the struggling alcoholic. The message under those concepts implies that personal choice is accessible, when it comes to getting sober, which is most definitely inaccurate. It will require a serious shift to reject the accountability myth, along with the myth of willpower, as it relates to recovery. When the Ben's and Brad's of the world optimize their celebrity and speak out with honesty, they create impactful connection with other alcoholics. The message is to get help early, get help often. Asking for help, in our self reliant culture of accountability, is not our natural impulse.
16
On a ladies weekend getaway at the St Regis Atlanta in July, 2015, my girlfriends and I stepped off the elevator and ran into Ben Affleck. He spent a few minutes chatting with us and taking pictures. He was so incredibly gracious and charming to four star-struck, middle-aged women. We will always remember his kindness and hope his recovery continues. Thank you, Ben, for a great memory!
18
Ben Affleck was friends with Harvey Weinstein for many years. Harvey took an interest in him and Damon due to Good Will Hunting. Rose MacGowan was sexually assaulted by Harvey Weinstein. She told Ben Affleck what happened. Ben’s response was “I told him not to do that.” That means that Affleck knew exactly what Weinstein was doing and he was silent about it.
7
@Ben, Ben Affleck is not responsible for Harvey Weinstein OR Rose McGowan. And btw, from all the reporting done about Weinstein, Weinstein's behavior was not a secret.
9
@Ben So what? Has nothing to do with this story. Why must we always pick away to find something with which to vilify people? No one is perfect, not even you.
3
I have done every drug other than crack and meth. I would probably do meth if I relapsed. Being an addict who is recovering does not make you special. I hate that people are using Affleck’s recovery as a justification for his misbehavior. It is not an excuse, and I never use it as such.
5
So many comments which basically approve of anything Affleck says or does because he used to be a drunk. I find that sick. I was a junkie once. I was an alcoholic once. I find those truths shameful. They do not make me someone worth approving.
4
@Ben Hopefully one day you can let go of the shame you feel and forgive yourself.
8
@Ben Agreed - The shame is the hardest part. Forgiving oneself is much easier said than done. ONWARD
If he wants to be honest, he could start by returning the white suit he took from the wardrobe of Hollywoodland. It's not easy to replace a 46 Tall 1940s white wool suit...
5
In recovery for 25 years (April 2020) and I would not have wanted to attempt early recovery out there in the sunshine with the twitterverse and the vultures. It is important to address the damage done in our wake and make amends. real amends. and try to step outside of ourselves and make repairs. It's the ongoing self-obsession and shame that drives us back to the bottle. One step, one day at a time. All we have is this minute. All we have is today.
6
From one Ben to another:
Addiction is an easy trap to fall into. I have in some cases fallen into alcohol overindulgence, but my true addiction is to opiates. I know what you mean by a basic discomfort with life. It is a symptom of mental illness. Instead of self medicating with alcohol, I recommend that you go to a doctor with experience in psychiatric illness and get pills which will treat that. I promise, it will make life easier.
3
Philosophy and such can also help. Ever tried meditation? Probably so. You have to put yourself entirely into such a discipline to get to the truth though.
1
Affleck has already done what I recommended, no doubt. My post might help other readers though.
3
I'll give him props when he has been sober for years, gets his life together and helps others who gone through some of the same problems that he has gone through. Until then, I just see some guy trying to push his new movies which I have zero desire to go see.
2
Have never been a drinker,, but have seen what drinking can do to a persons life. This is a good piece and shows the positive role family and friends can play in a persons life if they are a recovering alcoholic.
2
The "talk-show host" Affleck was accused of groping was Hilarie Burton who is a talented actress in her own right and not even mentioning her name seems pretty dismissive.
17
Based on the opening paragraph this sounded like it was going to be a hard hitting interview with some revelations. It was full of stock rehab responses.
Hope his career gets on track, but not an interesting read.
12
Marielle Heller is the director of "Can You Ever Forgive Me?" not Nicole Holofcener, a great director in her own right but not of that film.
1
NYTimes, why did you post a link to that predatory TMZ video? He told you that it felt violating to him, when he was hunted by that rag for clickbait. So, why did you give it more oxygen?
15
I would like to thank Ben for sharing this. His description of always feeling unsettled and the destruction it leads to helped me in knowing I was not alone. I know the feeling of shame that often accompany sobering up when your all alone. Ben's candor about needing to press forward, despite all of these setbacks, now echoes in my mind. While I have enjoyed Ben's movies, I cannot say that I was an avid fan. However, I can say that I am truly grateful that Ben shared this because it helped me. Thank you Ben and one day at a time. Cheers!
5
A couple of things to keep in mind -- wisdom from years in AA:
1) Nobody ever woke up in the morning wishing they'd had more to drink the night before.
2) If alcohol were to be dispensed by a doctor as a medication (for, say, pain or nerves, etc.), a dosage would be no more than 2 ounces every 6 hours.
Stay dry!
10
life is a struggle
sobriety can be a struggle
honesty can be a struggle
spirituality can be a struggle
thank you for this article about Ben Afflecks path;
and the grace and healing he has found -
one day at a time
that's what they told us-
4
Ben, we support you and admire your honesty and tenacity. And, as a fan of your work, I’m excited for this new chapter of your career. Sports movies don’t often seem appealing to me. But, yours reminds me of “Remember the Titans” - a movie with a plot that does not revolve around “alpha males” and “winning”. I will definitely be watching “The Way Back”.
3
It takes courage to be so honest. I don’t care who you are.
8
It's amazing that people in the US still don't know about the Sinclair Method. It's based on simple science and works for 78%. Look into it.
1
Gotta say that I find his honesty refreshing. Its neither preachy or celebratory but resigned. It's almost like he's making amends with us the movie going public. I'm rooting for him. If seeing his movies helps him get back in the swing - I'll do that.
1
Good on you, Ben!
Continue to be courageous and stay sober.
One criticism: lose the tattoo, Ben.
2
I'm having a hard time deciding which actor I like better - Ben Affleck or Marvin Lawrence? It's a tough choice. What do you guys think?
Alanon.org. The only qualification for membership is that you are concerned about the drinking behavior of a friend or family member. Alcoholism is a family/friend/community disease and also affects the people who know/love the alcoholic, 
7
This article could have been about 10,000 words longer. I would have read every one.
4
I know a little something about addiction. It's a terrible burden that only honesty can relieve.
I wish Mr. Affleck well.
5
Poor Ben has problems just like the rest of us. Ben has been working on these issues his whole adult life and believes he has finally seen the light. Ben despite his resources has never comes to terms with his narcissism and probably never will. Poor Ben my reservoir of sympathy runs dry.
7
I work for the city of NY and barely make a living. My life is filled with shopping at the salvation army and occasionally eating at shelters. I love reading about wealthy handsome celebrities and their lack of self control...this article is a joke and Ben Affleck should be thankful for all that his spoiled narcissistic self has.
10
@Smithy Which part suggests he isn't thankful? Also, it is very self-defeating to compare oneself to others. I'm sorry you don't make more money but as Affleck shows, money doesn't solve your problems and demons.
3
@JL Huh? How is it "narcissistic" to admit you have a disease to the public?
1
There's a difference between "honesty" and giving in to voyeuristic and ghoulish gossip-media. It's not "dishonest" to hope your struggles (and back tattoos) aren't front page news.
1
I love you Ben Affleck. I continuously send you light, love and peace. May you never put down the sword and give up. Keep fighting.
3
All celebrities are raw and vulnerable in interviews...gag
6
Excellent writing capturing many “critical recovery words and concepts”. Unlike most similar articles, it’s sensitive, not sentimental; informative, not punitive.
Ben clearly understands and talks the recovery talk, and by humbly sharing his truth he is giving himself permission to walk the walk, as they say in the rooms. And when one speaks or reads the truth, it gives others the courage to do so, too.
The word before “admitted” in the 12 step literature —WE—is the mojo that transforms a person. When people really get “you are not alone “ in the bones of their bodies, they walk through their fears. It’s a “We” program that paradoxically returns a person to an individual internal loci of control where they have choices again.
As many of the comments suggest, you can only end the desperate emotional pain and urgent behavior when you stop looking outside of yourself for the answers. Welcome Home, Ben! Welcome home to yourself.
Since I work as a therapeutic community builder with folks in the criminal justice system and civilian worlds whose lives have been affected by alcohol and other drug and relationship dependencies, I can share the article and “carry this message” of hope, reality, and resilience. Awesome authentic listening and trusting the process by this journalist.
To anyone suffering with this disease, remember you count and you are not alone. There’s a seat in the circle for everyone.
4
Actor. I’m in the industry. My husband, a filmmaker, in the industry. Brutally hard workers.
My husband’s reaction to this article, “Waaaaaaaa” (cue baby cry sound)
Agreed.
12
@June Genuinely, why would that be a response to this piece? Why is honesty such a bad thing? Why is your husband heartless? Because he has had less success than Afleck? Your response is childish and bizarre.
1
I've never liked this guy on screen, and like him even less over the years reading about his problems which all seem self-induced. I draw the line not at alcoholism, but at cheating on your wife and kids with the nanny. You can be an alcoholic and still know what love and commitment stand for. It was bothersome to me to see the NYT write a story on him, but why not give a rich, once-handsome, white guy who needs some love some attention, right?
Nevertheless, I read it anyhow. Looks to me like he still seems self-centered and sad of spirit.
10
@Nikki Alcohol is poison for some people. For them, a boozed brain can be life-destroying. That doesn’t make them “unloving” or “uncommitted”. It makes them gravely ill.
And, where’s your condemnation for the nanny? I mean, who would have an affair with someone that, clearly, had no ability to make wise choices for themselves?
1
@J The nanny was an *employee,* and I'm gussing possibly young too. In a terrible position there.
2
@Kristy She was 24 and she quit. He bought her a car and she took it. Come on. She knew what she was doing.
Wishing restored peace to Mr. Affleck and his family. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I know that one can spend an entire lifetime trying to break generational yokes. IMHO, every effort helps to loosen the yoke. #Nevergiveup #Stillinthefight
4
At least in the film "Bounce" he became an alcoholic because he gave Gwyneth Paltrow's husband his plane ticket and the plane crashed. Maybe this means he should start an exorbitant health product line to return to normalcy.
After that pompous intro, this turned into a simple puff piece promoting the actor’s upcoming flicks ...
14
Anything to peddle his new movie.
8
I can see why he is a popular actor. Authentic is what is coming out of his mouth now and I want to thank him for being not anonymous. Keep your chin up man, I wish mine was as angular! Cool dude.
4
Over the past few decades, I've read this same article countless times. "(Insert Celebrity Name Here) Takes A Brave New Direction" or some such bilge. I can only read so much of this stuff, sorry Mr. Barnes. I lasted about 3 paragraphs.
5
That was 1 paragraph longer than me. This is brand marketing, not honesty.
6
NYT, get it right. Nicole Holofcener did not direct CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME? That’s Marielle Heller. Have you no researchers or copy editors with cultural knowledge?
2
There is a reason they call it Alcoholic Anonymous.
2
I admire his honestly and telling us about what happened. It can't be easy living in the public eye going through big issues like this! I'm looking forward to seeing the new film, I hope it's good and is a big success!
2
This is one of the reasons why I think the second A of AA was so important when it began. Now, of course, with many other avenues for rehab (not just AA), relapsing and going back to rehab is almost a part of the recovery story for many people.
Which is another reason why I hope celebrities who get sober in AA, don't mention AA. Just say I am in a rehab program, or I am in a 12 step program ...
The reason for that is many, many people relapse ... and never return. I don't want people who ask for help and go to re-hab, to start thinking relapsing is okay. Especially those who go to AA. It is not a physician directed program at all. It depends completely on the person going to help him/herself (with the help of the group, of course). If the person going into AA thinks that he can relapse and always come back ... it may not happen.
I would also ask that Journalists don't mention AA. Just say that Ben is in a 12 step program.
3
Relapse is not a requirement but the only time we look down on another Alcoholic is when we're helping them up.
5
Excellent reminder. No one person can represent AA and that’s why anonymity is so important
3
Admire his honesty and humility. It’s hard enough dealing with demons of not good enough and resultant addiction as a normal person. The spotlight of fame driven from a place of purpose cannot be easy but let’s try and respect and support Ben Affleck and his kids move forward with love. Hats off to him.
4
For me, it would be truly horrible to live in the public eye where every failing, impulse, and action is scrutinized by strangers who don't care about me except as an object of curiosity. I suspect that baring one's soul in public can be counterproductive.
6
“Relapse is embarrassing, obviously,”
This broke my heart. I've been a VA psychiatrist since 1996 and deeply appreciate the wisdom I've learned from my patients with addiction. When they're embarrassed by a relapse, I've come to tell them what other patients of mine have told me. Relapse is just a message that you haven't learned what you need to know to continue your recovery. The work then becomes trying to figure out what was missing that contributed to that particular relapse. Each relapse brings the potential to reduce the number of future relapses.
Some of my patients are surprised when I tell them I'm grateful they relapsed. I reassure them that it's good to know we have more to learn. It helps keep us humble. I also tell them they only have the experience of one, themselves, and that I have witnessed hundreds of miracles over the years.
Early in my career I would have bet against many of those miracles. People in recovery, and many of the other veterans I have been privileged to work with, have brought me my own lessons in humility.
17
"He’s on Netflix this month in “The Last Thing He Wanted,” an abysmally reviewed mystery..." The mystery to me is why anyone would make a movie out of that dull, confusing, irritating novel by Joan Didion. Did Ben Affleck actually read the book before deciding to participate in the film adaptation? It is not movie material. Ms. Didion happens to be my favorite writer, by the way.
I am really glad he is admitting that he is an alcoholic and he is getting some help. That is a huge step.
I wish him well on the path to recovery and sobriety.
It is not an easy path.
I hope he can survive, and frankly I think he would do better (perhaps) if he left the business. It is just too brutal.
5
A public relation teams dream. You couldn’t buy this level of fawning celebrity advertising and imaging - in the country’s most reputable news media outlet. The struggle, the pain, the demons, the name dropping, the damages, the onscreen breakdowns. Four movies coming out! Sobriety and recovery is another new religion. Shame, guilt, fear and failure washed away by personal redemption.
17
I guess you object to seeking to be honest and helpful.
2
@Macbloom Or maybe it gives everyday people a bit of hope to knwo that even famous people struggle and have problems. They can know they are not alone and hopefully they will be motivated to get help. Empathy for others is a wonderful thing, you should give it a try.
10
@Macbloom
Absolutely. His PR organization did him a huge favor, getting this level of coverage for his personal challenges. And the NYTimes fell in step and complied! My heart bleeds borsht for him. There are so many needy countless others who have no resources and are watching their lives and families being destroyed by political realities in our convoluted world. Mr. A. brought this all on himself, and sad puppydog photo or not...he is a big boy, very wealthy and with 4 more movies coming out. I dare him to donate the profits from 2 of them...to OTHERS who don't have a PR man or woman to portray their suffering.
2
We're born to grow and evolve throughout our life time. Mr. Affleck has had to publicly face his inner demons, which is no gift. Given our evolutionary nature, it's more probable than not that we'll make mistakes. It takes a big person to admit them. In the final analysis, it's how we face our faults that defines us, as President Trump illuminates day after day.
5
This piece is exactly what the author said it isn't.
Regardless, what is relevant is Affleck's sad family history, perpetuated, repeated through generations. I hope for him and his children that it might begin to change with him. It sounds like it might. It's very sad to see this passed on from parent to child, like a virus of the psyche. It takes tremendous force to stop this cycle, but if one does stop it, the benefits reverberate in future generations. One family at a time, this can change the world.
10
I’m a triple-winner—in three 12-step programs—and have witnessed the promises happen for me. One of the slowest was “we will not regret the last nor wish to shut the door on it”. But it did happen. Each of my actions and decisions has led me down the path to where my happy, large life is today.
Generational trauma is real and in our DNA. So is addiction. Just keep showing up for yourself however imperfectly.
9
@Brooklyn Dog Geek It is, "we will not regret the *past nor wish to shut the door on it."
Kudos on your courageous step work!
2
I feel bad for Ben Affleck but let’s tell it like it is - most of his problems are due to his self indulgence and selfish behavior that essentially led to marital infidelities. Due to his celebrity status, he was not mature enough to shoulder the responsibility of being a husband to Jennifer Garner. Too many temptations - it is what it is.
9
Your comment is incredibly ill-informed. Fact: addiction is an illness, not a moral failing. And one that has clearly not touched your life or else you wouldn’t possibly be so ignorant of the facts.
5
@Raj Sinha He is an alcoholic. Stop sounding so judgemental. Until you have walked the walk, you do not know his pain or struggle.
6
@Brooklyn Dog Geek So ALL alcoholics get a free pass on any behavior due to their addiction? That is just absurd.
3
One YouTube commenter said, "He put on weight to play himself."
5
Well, I mean, he was in "Pearl Harbor", so . . . maybe that was the root cause of all his self-esteem issues?
3
Thank you for not indulging or romanticizing him. Many NYT’s profiles read nauseatingly like teenage crushing.
3
Notwithstanding the promise of candor, which IS here, still, it’s a movie reviewer’s spin on doing movies (and could do without the “Hmm. Honesty” remark).
I want to pull out the best of the candor:
• ”… recovery inculcates certain values. Be honest. Be accountable. Help other people. Apologize when you’re wrong.”
•”… make amends…take accountability for the pain that [you] and only [you have] caused.”
• “…Shame is really toxic. There is no positive byproduct of shame. It’s just stewing in a toxic, hideous feeling of low self-worth and self-loathing…. It’s not particularly healthy…to obsess over the failures — the relapses — and beat myself up…I have certainly made mistakes. I have certainly done things that I regret. But you’ve got to pick yourself up, learn from it, learn some more, try to move forward.”
9
I give Ben a lifetime achievement award now for Good Will Hunting, one of Hollywood's best of the last thirty years -- an inner-city kid's tale with an epic twist -- to me, more inspirational than any in recent memory in that all human beings are born with one, single emphatic talent -- THIS I truly believe -- no, certainly not on Will's scale -- but there, hidden, maybe in twisted strands of DNA, and brought to light only by chance, by epiphany, by luck, or in Will's case by his number one pal, Chuckie, telling him that, "My best day will be when you don't answer that door," knowing -- because Chuckie's street-smarts coexist with Will's genius -- that although Will's alcoholic and abusive childhood has been one of horror and survival, he holds the key to his own escape -- to his destiny. Will ponders, and when Shawn comes clean confessing that he's suffered the same parental abuse, the walls finally come tumbling down in that wrenching scene.
The fact that Damon and Affleck could pull all of this together as students is, to my simpleminded view, of Mozartian proportions, a symphony for life and lives in our world of free choice. I applaud them for a remarkably simple, yet richly humane exposition, and hope, again in my simpleminded view, that in ten years they will unite to show us what happens to those "Southies" and what became of Will and Skylar in Silicon Valley -- possibly the greatest sequel to Oscars for all.
Ben, It's Not Your Fault. Either. Go and get it...
9
@capnbilly Wonderful comment! "Ben, It's Not Your Fault. Either. Go and get it..." My eyes welled up reading that.
2
Imagine having to drink away the pain of being a handsome, successful, famous, wealthy actor-director. (And you thought you had problems.) Hold me, Matt!
Nice photo, though: the hairy belly hanging out of the sweatshirt; the not-particularly-appealing glimpse of his Calvin Klein underpants; the sad, unshaven face that goes beyond (currently) fashionable scruff and just looks seedy. Poor vulnerable me.
Lighten up, Ben. At least you've still got your hair, your looks, your career, your fans, your health (unless you're not being quite as honest about yourself as the article says). You don't get points for not enjoying them. Speaking of honesty, honestly, these people who have everything and want sympathy besides (you think you're the only person on earth who ever got a divorce, Ben?) should be spanked and sent to their rooms until they agree to behave like adults. Stars were a lot more fun back when they threw big parties in their mansions and flew to Paris for weekends.
8
@Hans Christian Brando Do you ever read about the lives of the Golden Age movie stars? The numerous infidelities, divorces, remarriages, abortions, miscarriages, abused and neglected children, the alcoholism, the smoking, the cancer, the financial ruin? It's all there. But I guess you just want to pretend misery is for the non-celebrities?
1
Oh! So 'Sad Affleck' was really 'Hungover Affleck'?
1
A terrible fellow and a terrible Batman..
I’m sick of his mug..
10
So, the candid interview cames out before Ben Affleck's film about alcoholism will be in the movie theaters? What a coincidence!
9
He needs a hug. Sad
1
Dude. Looking at your picture, sitting battle weary on a bathroom floor, then, look at the pictures in the article right above the one all-about-you. 9,00,000 Syrians refugees living in a scene from Mad Max except they’re not extras. This is real. Everyone has a story. Most of us don’t have a gazillion dollars to throw at it. But many of us, like you, are playing a part when we enter life again as a sober person, stepping over our wreckage and embarrassment, but, unlike you, we aren’t getting paid another gazillion dollars to do it. Getoverit. Go take your bank account and new self worth to Syria and spend all you can to help those people. Most of us can’t do that. You can. Then you would have a story worthy of the NYTimes.
12
@fishoutawater You put it so well. This whole planet is full of misery, most of it created by homo sapiens, yet Ben weeps. Get over it and go help people or animals or just buy all the land you can to stop some development. You'll find that you are not just in recovery, you will be cured of alcoholism. You will be in tune with the screaming Earth and forget about drinking alcohol - go to a developing country and try to find some clean WATER. There's plenty of places in this county where you will have great difficulty finding clean water. Keep busy and you will cure yourself.
He is by far the greatest actor in the world. Anybody who disagrees is either in denial or a total ingrate to his unadulterated talent.
No. You either don’t understand what acting talent is or you have some sort of ulterior motive. His brother Casey is a better actor, plain and simple, without being the best.
3
Ben Affleck was a basketball player in 'Buffy the Vampire Killer' a great movie for its campiness and great performances by all involved. Too bad they don't make good movies like Buffy anymore. Affleck is an alcoholic, there is nothing special about him, just because his family was addicts and suicidal doesn't make him special - probably many many people have experienced THAT. But Mr Affleck can be a spokesman for those who are similarly in the same boat. Actually he's had more chances than most with rehab, it's expensive, keep talking Ben! keep talking about why sobriety makes life better.
1
I think the only cure for chronic relapsers is AA. Alcoholism is more than a substance addiction; it's a condition that makes some people need ongoing structure and support to stay sober. Ben has the extra burden of family alcoholism, but that's no reason he can't develop ongoing sobriety.
There's a reason for the second word of AA - "Anonymous" - he just demonstrated it.
"There is no paragraph where the star and the writer pretend to be pals — gag — while doing an everyday-person activity. What was everyone eating? Who cares."
Can this be proposed as standard editorial policy from now on? Also what people are wearing. Apply to political candidates as well.
No exception for Gwyneth Paltrow, either.
Thank you for your consideration.
6
@The Poet McTeagle I would much prefer to know what Ben Affleck ate and what he wore to this faux fawning celebrity piece. What a disappointment! Absolutely nothing new learned here.
People seem to enjoy hating on Ben. He's certainly provided ample ammo over the years, but on the flip-side, I think he's more talented as an actor, writer, and director than his boy wonder, Matt (of course the comparison is obligatory).
As a person, I make no judgement or comment. Humans are a flawed species.
But Ben..really, Gigli?
3
Wait are you implying it was a mistake to star in Dogma?! Sorry, but if you don't agree that Dogma is awesome, then I really just don't know about your moral character.
5
I have never seen any of your movies, and you have a tattoo. That is not important. If are truly serious you can never have another drop of any type of alcohol. Think about what it has done to your family. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and so did my siblings, who were younger than me. We escaped to a new location when he was drunk on the floor. I was 10. I was so relieved, and never once saw him again. What is seen as a young child never goes away. Watching a drunk father trying to kill your mother, and having a sibling killed by a drunk driver is terrible. I wish you the best in your recovery. Kids are very scared, even when not verbalized. I commend your wife for sticking with you for that long. She must have really loved you. I am not saying that went on in your house. People speculate, nobody knows what goes on. I wish you the best.
Treatment is better now.
5
My father was an alcoholic. He went to work every day, then went to a bar for a couple of beers, then a couple more at home before dinner. Then on weekends, he did his lawnmowing,etc, then got passing out drunk. My brother, more or less the same, but with many drugs included. I drank some as a teen, but easily got nauseated, and after a few years I learned I could only have a couple. I dont like feeling dizzy, and really hate vomiting, so its easy for me to be sober. I liked grass to get giggly and enjoy music and comedy when I was older and it became available. Never was tempted to try the scarier stuff. Now it would be too easy for me to fall and break something.
2
I was also driven to drink after seeing “Gigli”
5
Drink as becomes you and be silent.
Did he stop gambling?
1
I am always amazed when regular folk defend their celebrity idols as though they are close friends or family. Do you think Ben Affleck really cares about you? Ben Affleck cares about Ben Affleck. It might feel like you know each other but you don’t. So why take it personally when people say they don’t like the guy?
6
@Ben I don't think Ben Affleck even knows me, let alone cares about me. But why should that be the point? He's a fellow human being. I would take the same position against people talking about an anonymous stranger. We're all human and none of us is perfect. We all are self-involved to some degree, we have to be. One body, one mind, one life is all each of us has. We are all experts on ourselves only. I don't take anything personally about these comments but I am shocked and disappointed by the lack of compassion and humanity on display in some of these comments.
2
“No paragraph where the artist and writer pretend to be pals.” No, instead we get some staged Vanity Fair style photos of a pensive “vulnerable” Affleck. I agree with meinnyc, I have little sympathy and less interest in the trials and tribulations of the Uber rich. Sorry he has a drinking problem. That happens to the working poor as well, except they don’t get a NY Times reporter and accompanying photographer sent over to cover their plight.
10
Raw and vulnerable? Paaleese. This is an article with his face plastered for all to see and his PR people working overtime. Journalists and Hollywood really know how to give it to us.
13
And they fall for it🤔
I'm disappointed at the number of fellow readers who, despite reams of articles on the topic (many in NYT,) still don't have any understanding (separate from sympathy) about the nature and the causes of addictions.
Feel sympathy for spouses and children of addicts, for sure. It's a difficult life, and, for the children especially, many of them are looking down the barrel of the same gun.
But also recognize this truth. For the addict, treating an addiction is like chemotherapy for cancer. It's usually a process of try-fail, try differently - fail again, rinse, repeat... And hope you get lucky and find the one that works - for you.
Kudos to Affleck for putting it out for others to see, both personally and in his art.
5
I am amazed at the number of people who think they understand addiction but have no understanding of mental illness and self-medication. Seriously. We have tons of twelve steppers but the idea of mental illness does not have an equal platform.
3
I am deeply, deeply exhausted from white-male-redemption stories and the idea that I should give my time/money to support them through on-screen therapy sessions.
126
@Ann No one is forcing you to see any movie you don't want to see. He gets paid for the movie whether you see it or not and this particular movie could have been made whether he was actually an alcoholic or not. Because, you know, it contains ACTING. Or maybe you thought he was really The Batman.
And don't forget that a typical movie today employs at least 500 people and a big comic book movie with special effects employs thousands. (Watch the credits and not everyone is credited.) So you're not just supporting the lead actor (who in most cases, don't need any more money anyway), you're supporting a work force.
7
@Ann Some of us are also deeply, deeply exhausted by the tendency of some to turn virtually everything, every moment, in to a matter of race and gender. Heads up: men and women, of all colors and backgrounds, feel pain, grief, shame, and regret. And this is hardly a redemption story.
10
@Ann
I, on the contrary, just LOVE redemption stories!!!! Be they about males, females, white or any other colour!!!
4
I wish as an "artist" the work would speak for itself. I don't see how these articles absent scientific findings have any merit or meaning. I do have empathy for those addicted and their loved ones.
8
@glorybe because anecdote is instructive
4
@glorybe We read the article because we (including you, presumably) were intrigued, by the humility and forthrightness of a very successful man willing to publicly own up to his failings. And we are inspired by the possibility of an addict breaking through denial. His confession and apology gives one hope.
1
Exceptionally talented, intelligent, Academy Award winning actor.
Almost 50
Net worth $130 million
Repeated hospitalizations for alcoholism
Constant tabloid fodder
Embarrassment to his (former) wife and children
It's amazing Affleck blew up a long marriage to talented, beautiful Jennifer Garner - who seems to have tried to keep the marriage together in spite of his infidelities and binges. They have 3 young children.
Affleck gives little indication that he knows how lucky he once was.
Maybe it's time to focus less on his career and more on how to take care of his children and give them some stability.
Jackie Onassis: "If you bungle raising your children I don't think whatever else you do matters very much."
97
@fast/furious
I think he is now spending more time with his children then he did when married.
Some years ago, while still married, he said in an interview that he tried to spend time with the kids, but even when home his mind was always on work and not on the kids.
I think maybe the divorce was a warning that if he didn't start being a good father, it would be too late.
5
@fast/furious Both nasty and wrong, from the data presented in the article.
I admire Mr. Affleck for his efforts. Struggling with alcohol is tough enough in and of itself, let alone doing so as a celebrity. All those who have successfully battled alcoholism are unsung heroes and I am one of them. I sing my praises to that wasted part of myself that had end stages alcoholism everyday. I don’t need accolades, but I do need inspiration. Not a day goes by where some member of my family is not on my mind, hoping they’ll wake up and put the drink down and take up life. I keep myself grounded knowing that this is my truth and that I have made a commitment to myself, today, right now, to walk in my truth. I accept it and reject it all at once. The more time that goes by doesn’t change the fact that I’m just as much a drunk as I used to be. The only difference is that I choose to live today without alcohol, and that makes a world of difference. I gave myself a chance today to function, to feel, to think, to see, and to love. It hurts, but the pain and suffering caused by alcohol is much, much worse. And for that, I am happy and I’ll take it.
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@Will “I don’t need accolades, but I do need inspiration“
Me 100%
11
@Will Thank you for sharing. It helps more than you may know.
13
@Will you may have been a heavy drinker, but if you kicked the habit on your own, you were probably not a physical addiction. AA does not save addicts, only medicine can do that. Good on you, but you are no hero.
After my wife died I went into the bottle. Very deep in the bottle. I can't remember how many detoxes I went to. Certainly over a dozen.
I was depressed and alcohol alleviated that while I was drunk. But alcohol is a depressant, so I was just a hamster on a wheel. I only learned later that I was banned from liquor stores and hotels for things I don't remember. Blackout drinking.
Although I attempted suicide twice I finally sobered up living in a sober house for months and because of my two young children. They were my Higher Powers. I think Mr. Affleck may have found his. I hope so.
294
As an alcoholic in recovery, I know all too well how difficult it can be to stay sober, let alone under the spotlight of celebrity. Just thinking an alcoholic needs to have better willpower is like telling a clinically depressed person to just cheer up.
510
@Kevin’s S A recovering alcoholic once told me that it is not a matter of will power; it is a matter of won't power and I thought that was pretty insightful.
36
As an addict I can say I’m tired of addict redemption stories and when it is a public figure who is getting some pay back for their public apology I honestly question their motivation. I prefer those who admit their mistakes in private and attempt to live a different life outside of the spotlight. But I wish him the best and I judge his acting on its own merits.
7
An excellent director (Gone Baby Gone and Argo) and an actor who excels at --and only at--playing slippery, somewhat unsettling guys who have been getting away with too much for too long (why he was so perfectly cast in Gone Girl). Otherwise, he's simply been very, very lucky in the racket that is show business.
1
I was so disgusted with his loutish response to Sam Harris on a Bill Maher show that I felt I could never again see him in any positive light. I now appreciate his crippling circumstances and will again consider going to one of his movies.
2
I am disappointed that so many commenters have taken to bashing Ben Affleck although I'm not surprised.
Finding empathy and compassion for addicts is as simple as posing the question, "What happened to him or her," versus the more common, judgemental condemnation, "What's wrong with him or her!" Addiction is insidious. Those who don't suffer from it don't understand that the addicts mind is wired differently from others. To say, "Why doesn't he just stop?" is a failure to understand what addiction really is.
To very publicly reveal to both alcoholism and mental illness in Ben's family takes courage. I also suspect there is more he's not yet comfortable broadcasting, but is able to admit to his therapist, AA sponsor, or fellowship. I also would not be surprised if there are more slips and relapses in his future. Any type of addiction requires continued honesty, integrity and vigilance. None of us are perfect. So, Ben, as you already know, its one day at a time and progress, not perfection.
19
Very brave of him to be so honest. I'm so sorry for all concerned that his marriage broke down and I wish him well for the future.
8
Good luck Ben. These are tough issues to face. Many many gave done so. It is absolutely doable. I do object to the pic of sitting on the floor however. Just who does that? Someone in crisis perhaps? Ben wasn’t in crisis during the interview was he? Honesty in photography is a good idea.
3
Thanks Ben Affleck for his life experience .We all stumbled on our life, but the most important is how to make it better and learn to cherish the people who we really care about.Being mature is not only our business , but also the way to reciprocate the person we failed to.And that's the way we called "grow up".
2
Very good article. The photos are amazing. Magdalena Wosinska is an incredible photographer.
3
Affleck directed Batman would have been a great movie. Maybe even "Hawk" could have made an appearance, as a favor for The Town.
1
@David H. Oh, it would've been the greatest movie in cinema history, dude.
I have always loved the work of Ben Affleck.
He is a remarkable dramatic actor but he is even more brilliant as the "straight man" when doing comedy.
I truly hope he will be successful in his many battles with various demons. I don't know one person who doesn't struggle with issues and problems that appear to be insurmountable.
For whatever this is worth, I thought the black/white photos of Mr. Affleck were stunning because they took away all of the other distractions in the photo and all that was left and captured was him and his raw hurt and pain.
Really, really excellent photos.
Good luck Mr. Affleck. I wish you the best and hope you find some inner peace.
8
While I respect his work and tenacity, especially in "Argo"and other Projects, I must pause when someone who's purportedly worth approximately $140 Million $ has issues with "coping"....
It's good he's getting treatment and I wish him well.
5
@meinnyc Addiction and mental health issue's knows No limits or boundaries. Sadly, I have seen Doctor's, Judge's, Lawyer's,Teacher's taken down because they can't 'cope' with life. The fact that his family had serious mental health issue's set him up in life ripe for addiction. All the money in the world won't change how he was raised. Ben must now learn how to re parent himself so he can heal and move forward for his own kid's sake.
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@meinnyc
Addiction has nothing to do with wealth. It has everything to do with genetics, learned patterns of behavior and coping (or not coping in a healthy way) to stress, trauma, abuse, neglect, early exposure to alcohol and/or drugs, etc.. It appears that Ben was predisposed to many of the above. While of course there are many benefits to being wealthy, having $140 M. does not necessarily pave the way to "Easy St." for someone suffering from addiction.
13
Ben Affleck has been in some wonderful movies Argo The Town I’ve watched them over and over. If Nyt wants to cover his foibles that’s fine and entertaining. But the Saint Laurant ad is something else. That dress does amazing things for a models body! It’s like a fairy tale!
2
Blame it on the bossa nova
1
I've always liked Ben.
3
I'll never understand why some poeple want to share their private life in public with complete strangers.
6
@Merd He' probably in AA. The program requires rigorous honesty to be successful. It supports the perspective of sharing "our experience, strength and hope in that it may help others achieve sobriety"
Although AA guarantees anonymity, each person can choose how THEY want to share their experience. Clearly Ben Affleck and others in the entertainment industry are seeing and opportunity to give hope to an audience they can reach because of their celebrity. Takes guts. Kudos to them.
9
@Merd Ben has already shared his addiction with us on TMZ for all the world to see. Why not share his journey to sobriety? Perhaps what he is sharing isn't something you can relate to and that's ok. However, there are many people struggling with addiction that can relate to him. Once they see that he was able to get sober perhaps they will find the hope they need to go forward with their journey of healing and sobriety.
7
@Merd We are as sick as our secrets. I am a recovering addict\ alcoholic for many years. My experience is that silence keeps us sick and helps no one else. The 'strangers' you refer to may be fellow alcoholics who may find inspiration in his story.
4
he's alright is our kid, Ben. :)
2
I think Jennifer Garner is wonderful and the NYT would have been better served by giving readers an in depth article on her. But she did not destroy her marriage as a falling down drunk, grope interviewers and sleep around while raising three children. Instead she remained a force for good in her children's lives, starred in movies galore and tried to help her wayward ex-husband get his life on track.
That said, I wish Affleck well.
30
@Kristine She doesn't have a movie coming out next week. I did recently see a picture of her on Reddit at Costco handing out samples of her yogurt.
2
Why would they interview Jennifer Garner when Ben Affleck is on a press tour for his new movies? She’s her own person and I‘m sure she wouldn’t want to be defined as Affleck‘s ex. Should they call her and say „Your ex has done something significant but due to the current social climate we decided not to interview him and interview you instead. Congratulations, you‘re now known as your ex-husband’s negation!“
I‘m sure if Garner decided to go on a press tour and spill details about her turbulent marriage there would be no shortage of press outlets who‘d be happy to interview her.
3
@East of Cicero Exactly my point. Have article about her ability to step into a role outside of the movies. This is not rocket science. Picking who to profile says a lot about who and what are newsworthy.
Acting is a truly cathartic experience. Too bad we can't all play a scene with our demon.
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Great remark! Thank you
Ben Affleck as the prototype narcissist, Is it genetic or did it develop in the milieu of Hollywood?
8
I can never forget Affleck outraged, virtuous and morally condescending as he ranted at Bill Maher and Sam Harris for their views on the risks posed by Islam. Perhaps a man with his problems and flaws should be slower to judge others for their opinions.
12
@Stephen He was right.
1
@Stephen Please remember he was under the influence during his rants and in the 'box' of addiction. His brain is healing now and hopefully, we will soon meet the Real Ben Affleck. People will do and say outrageous thinks while under the influence.
1
We need no Saints to tell us that Hatred is a Poison. Denouncing Islam, or any Religion as a whole is planting that Sees of Separation. I rather have a fallen Angel reminding me of that ...
1
An excellent director, one of the better Batmans in that by-now Hollywood jury duty role, romances with top actresses...why the man would turn to alcohol is a great mystery. He should've taken stock much earlier of how far he traveled from his humble Southie origins to the heights of the entertainment industry, and considered how lucky he was compared to the millions of less celebrated divorcees of his generation.
1
It’s a disease.
2
@steveconn, not such a great mystery, really. Alcoholism has a strong genetic component, and his father was an alcoholic. If you’ve ever watched the Golden Globes, there is an abundance of alcohol served at entertainment industry parties. Alcohol is legal and socially accepted in public settings, it’s a social lubricant for the type of wheeling and dealing that occurs in Hollywood. Why wouldn’t he fall prey to the addiction of it?
As someone who has family with addiction issues, it takes a lot of self awareness and self monitoring not to fall into an addiction trap. Some people are more successful than others at avoiding it.
I am a fan of Affleck and most his work and fair play to him for his honesty there is nothing easy in what he achieved or what he has been through but something this movie will no doubt glossover and that Ben himself can't sympathise with, is that some people in the same position but don't have the resources he has available. I am there, I blew up my relationship and my life through drink and stupidity, I want to claw my life back but when you are broke and on the verge of homelessness and you are in that shame spiral with nowhere to go it's almost impossible to see the light. Not that Ben should be ashamed of his success I just know it's not that easy.
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@not so easy uk
I was completely broke and homeless when I finally went to AA (3rd try). I worked my way back into society by doing whatever AA told me to do. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, read the Big Book, talk to other AA members non stop. I took every low paying horrible job I could get to make a few bucks. Got food stamps and unemployment which brought me shame, but I needed to live. I am now 10 years sober, working a great job, living in a home with a roommate, living a glorious wonderful life, but not without problems, of course. So hang in there, go to AA, seek help from any and all agencies, but stay sober. God bless you
8
@not so easy uk Just because Ben has money doesn't mean that addiction doesn't control him or destroy him any less than it did in your journey of life. Addiction doesn't discriminate against sex, race, affluence,etc. Addiction is a horrible disease that has been finally recognized as a disease instead of a moral failure. I hope you are able to heal and move forward with your life. Your destiny awaits you. Blessed be
2
Has four movies coming out this year.
Well, well, how timely this piece in the NYT. How timely the bout of rehab honesty...
6
@bone setter as a journalist that's the bargain you make to get an interview with someone, you want something and they want something. celebrities do not show up on talk shows because they want to have a good time, they're promoting something, it's part of the job.
4
Why must the language read “accused of groping” when there is video of him doing it? He groped her.
22
he's promoting his movies.
8
As a therapist who specializes in PTSD and have experience working as s substance abuse counselor at all levels of care earlier in my career, I an see how he continues to relapse. On average, substances abusers relapse 9 times, yes, 9 times is the average, before they get sober. I hope he is not only working a program (either AA or SMART Recovery - a science based outpatient recovery program), but getting mental health counseling to deal with underlying childhood hurts he had to suffer while growing up with a substance abusing parent. I understand, Ben, I went through it, too. Do both, you need them both.
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Thank you for this article. I will always be a big fan of his work; there's so much to credit him for, including his honesty and bravery.
4
I've enjoyed many of Ben Affleck's screen performances and directorial efforts. Not into "Batman" movies at this point. But I would see "The Way Back," and I wish him the best of luck as he deals with sobriety and midlife as a single father.
4
Why should I care about Ben Affleck any more than the millions of people, homeless and in much worse shape without all his money, three kids and memories of time with Jennifer Lawrence. Poor Ben. This is a marketing piece and shameful.
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@Ralph Big money - big passions. In general it's typical for American "super-hero" culture to over-dramatize travails of the super-rich and totally ignore the little guy on the street.
1
@Ralph yes, you are correct. Actors make movies. They get paid to promote them. This article is a part of that process. Congratulations for sussing out this maniacal scheme!
Whether or why you should care is irrelevant. Care, don't care. It's totally up to you!
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@Ralph Duh, because he is a celebrity, and in this country at this time, those are who we worship. Please, conform to social convention. It's important.
1
I give credit to Jen for divorcing him and moving on.
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The headline should be ‘The Man Employed as an Actor....’
Affleck is totally unconvincing in every roll he plays. Sorry for his troubles, but who really cares?
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I think I now better understand his despicable behavior toward Sam Harris and Bill Maher on Real Time a few years ago.
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@Sue Because he has upcoming movies to promote.
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Taking ownership of the pain he's caused in other's lives is a start!
6
“Going public” may be in, but “anonymous” works better. In fact, “if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something different.” Quietly.
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@Kirk Cornwell I have spent many years in recovery, 25 years ago, it was very uncommon to come out regarding addiction. Thus, I think it was easier to perpetuate the ideas that addiction is a moral failing, that existing programs do not work. When we come out, let the Light of truth in, hope is communicated.
1
At the “star” level, having gone public just makes a relapse that much more of an event. The eyes of the world don’t have to be on what’s in someone’s glass. Keep it simple.
Never been a big fan if Ben Affleck - he’s always struck me as “bro,” and this article doesn’t do much to change my opinion. Unless I missed it, the article doesn’t even start to address his relationship with Weinstein.
This honestly feels like it was written by his personal press corps in an attempt to rehab his image.
Had he been a woman or a person of color, would he be receiving so many second chances (let alone the first), so much contemplation and platitudes for “being brave”?
I doubt it.
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@Bob Lob
you missed it
@Bob Lob Are you suggesting Affleck should change his gender and paint himself?
Given Mr Afleck's family history I hope they have been tested for Hemochromtosis, glibly called the 'Celtic curse'.
I wish him long life & peace
This is a fine article— I am just always puzzled about what the NYT decides is notification worthy. This story about a privileged actor’s drinking buzzed on my phone while I was at work while there was no notification for the Syrian refugee crisis story (though thank you for reporting it.) It just seems weird — but I probably don’t get what notifications are for.
9
Are you really so surprised? In a contest between Hollywood fairy tales and more tragedy in the Middle East, I think readers prefer fairy tales every time.
Ben Affleck is a complete phony. All of these famous male actors are alike, they get the beautiful woman that every regular guy would kill for, then they get tired of them and in a fleeting moment of self examination, they want that woman back. Warning to Ms. Garner, don't go back with Affleck, he'll eventually get tired of you again and find a younger woman.
13
Very well written piece. Affleck was open and revealing as were others interviewed for the piece. No fluff.
2
As for the 'tat, I would say: "I didn't always expect to be a big movie star-one whose every move was lived under a microsope. . . "
and as for his drinking, I'd admit it and say that it was the one thing about his life and future he was always sure he would have time and a place for--he will never be fired from the 24/7 job of fighting the "blue devils"-and , even did movie makers and fans forget him-the bottled hellraisers won't-and so he will always have that to fight, as a permanent fallback in "life"-and hopes family and friends have sensitivity enough to aid him in stressfull situations-understanding that his longstanding combat with the botttle takes perhaps far more personal strength and resolve than almost anything else in a person's life. Many of us are similarly cursed-and should hold out a brother's hand in sign of recognition, and a willingness to help pull each other along, out of the really tough & sticky patches. . .
Better to recognize the problem than to fight and deny it, as Richard Burton did, until it literally consumed him.(No. Not Sir Richard Burton, the scholar, Arabist and apparent convert to Islam, from the 19th century--he had other demons with which to wrestle.)
1
I ruined my first marriage because of alcohol, I think my second one is now on the ropes for the same reason
4
@Rober - I've been there and I wish you well. I hope you find a reason to save your marriage and save yourself. When you do find a reason you can move forward and get the support needed to resolve the underlying issue. For me drinking was a way to numb the pain - but the pain always returned. The source of the pain must be identified and addressed. I had to understand that drinking was not the solution to my problem. Healing hurts, it hurts a lot. But I assure you it is worth the effort. I can now enjoy life and I no longer hide in a bottle.
5
@Rober
there is a solution
my suggestion
go to a meeting ; there's a lot of people there,
who want to help you to help yourself-
this has been my experience --
Warning: He's promoting a new movie, so he might as well shamelessly use drug addiction/busted marriage as a method to sell it.
Strictly for the rubes.
14
Are you kidding? With the world being what it is, and billions without the means to battle their addictions and diseases let alone eat, we have to hear about this coddled, pampered, overpaid “victim”?
12
@Earonin I am with you. We have heard enough from this 'overpaid victim'. Give us a break.
I belive in you Ben! You are amazing and I pray that you will be able to remain sober, one step at a time.
1
If I could find a cure for any disease, it would be addiction. It’s ripped apart people’s lives, families, and even whole regions. It changes how people are stigmatized in a way other illnesses don’t. A person struggling with addiction will always be an “addict”, perceived as a weak person who somehow chose to have this devastating disease, and not to be trusted, because they could “fall off the wagon” any minute. Their loved ones are often labeled as “enablers”, who support this devastating disease.
I can’t imagine the willpower and perseverance it takes to avoid something that is so readily available and socially-acceptable as alcohol.
6
Affleck is profoundly talented actor, writer and director with serious human flaws that have seriously hindered his chosen art. How sad but how brave to continue to confront the ravening hoards of people who think they know him and therefore think they can judge him. ARGO was a lovely surprise, funny, heroic, and he looked terrific. More please.
5
The Hollywood playbook for men:
Win Oscar, direct film, star in film, make more films, play a superhero. date a lot, get married, come out as drunk, star in film about being drunk. Apologize for groping. Be a hero.
The Hollywood playbook for women:
Play the girlfriend, wife or victim in the movies about men being superheroes and drunks. Get groped. Form sisterhood around #metoo allegations. Get replaced with new, fresh faces around your twentieth botox treatment. Go to AA and be written off by the industry. Special director's dispensation. No Oscars for you. Too many movies about the various stages of manliness to compete with.
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Best comment🤗
2
Looking forward to seeing Ben with Diane Sawyer tonight! He's a good guy after all. He looks very sincere in the pictures. Sell that movie!
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@kevin Yes, he looks very sincere in wanting to promote himself ad nauseam.
“There’s a lot of alcoholism and mental illness in my family. The legacy of that is quite powerful and sometimes hard to shake.”
Me too.
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I've only seen two Affleck movies, "The Town" and "To the Wonder." I know that's not much to judge, but to me, he is an incredibly boring actor.
His story is equally boring; it could not be more cliche'.
12
Best Wishes Ben . You have been my wife’s favorite actor since Chasing Amy . Obviously ,you have many things in your favor ,but life is more complicated than that . Good Luck going forward and your ex-wife Jennifer is fabulous too. 👍
What I see here is the same kind of excuse making and self absolution that I have observed in all those addicted to alcohol. Sure, Affleck admits he was a drunk. A good start. But he says that happened because he is a “compulsive” person (so it’s not his fault, really, right?). Sure, he mentions feeling regret and shame. But then he says it’s unhealthy for him to “beat (him)self up.” He has to move forward, for his own good. Because he is all about Ben Affleck. It’s a common way of thinking, for recovering addicts.
I grew up with an alcohol addicted parent who not only never admitted the addiction, but never, ever said “Sorry for causing you so much pain.” Never said that to me, or to anyone. Just kept going forward and leaving a trail of destruction behind. The drinking stopped only when medical problems (and medication) made drinking impossible.
Jennifer Garner comes across as one of the sweetest, most genuine people in Hollywood. No one knows the truth about another person’s marriage, of course — even if you are best friends with a couple, you know only what they show you. But I look at that failed Hollywood marriage and think Affleck was a darned fool to allow his compulsions to destroy it. Drinkers tend to hurt nice people.
I hope Affleck stays on the wagon this time. Do it for your beautiful children, man! They should be incentive enough.
14
Who cares. indeed? Mr. Afflec has had multiple advantages that others can only dream of. If he blew it, and is repairing himself, good.
But who cares? He has immense resources to tap; most people in the throws of alcoholism do not.
6
I like Ben, and I love some of the movies he’s made as a writer, director and producer, but this article feels like just another People/US magazine fluff piece that was done at the request of an over-eager agent. From the photography, to the writing, it’s all just so shallow. Especially given the promising headline. I love the NYT, and I really love your photography but this piece really missed for me. Maybe you could go back in time and sell it to Teen Beat.
13
You would never know from the commercial currently running. to promote the film, that “The Way Back” is a story about a guy’s struggle with alcoholism. It seems more like one of those treacly sports redemption underdog things. Hope it’s successful. Affleck has more than most but it hasn’t shielded him from the human flaws that affect us all.
1
This is about a wealthy movie star. It's all about image management and popularity, and admitting vulnerability is known to be useful. Ben, go anonymously to a very poor part of the world for 24 months and give of yourself completely selflessly. Then reflect on your misery
15
"Be honest. Be accountable. Help other people. Apologize when you’re wrong.”
the truest measure of success...
6
perhaps he needed some success therapy way back when.....
so many of us struggle to gain some measure of financial success and even some peer and family recognition..
what happened here ?
he has had so many second chances.....more than most people...
SO.....will he wake up ?
Do we think this actor's journey is more important than an anonymous addict?
9
I watched him fawning all over young starlet Ana de Armas in a New Orleans restaurant a few weeks ago. It looked like the other couple at their table were a bit uncomfortable. Maybe he is sober but he was talking loudly in Spanish and acting rather strangely.
4
Thank you Ben. Nice and exact clarifications. Needed that.
What’s the personality without the booze? That might be just as troubling.
3
Not sure why I should or would care.
5
Good luck on your recovery Ben. But some of the comments here are truly nasty and uncharitable. Has 3 years of Trump affected us so much that we’re starting to sound like him, callous, thoughtless , cruel? As hard as it is in these times be kind, not just the other guy but for yourself.
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@Joseph D’Esposito Thank you! I was just thinking the same. People here can be so mean. Because he is rich, he is not entitle to be sad and make mistakes?
1
Thank you for this raw and honest account of a human being, sometimes failing, sometimes succeeding at life. At its best, that's what celebritily can be.
2
Addiction, or rather substance use disorder, is a disease with many triggers, be it alcohol, gambling, drugs, etc.
I applaud Ben Affleck for speaking out honestly and without the usual Hollywood whitewash. Ben recognizes the history of alcoholism in his family and how it continues with him. Ben and Jen must educate and keep a vigilant eye on their kids
Ben’s story is about alcoholism. It could easily be about abusing pharmaceuticals. It does not hurt that Ben is in the public eye so a sympathetic view is more easily achieved even though the relapses are hard to live out in public. He needs all the support and encouragement coming his way. Good luck Ben.
Our society views the horrors of alcoholism and drug abuse separately but they are the same. Remove Affleck’s notoriety, make his drug of choice opioids, heroin, etc. and suddenly the stigma ratchets up, treatment options diminish and compassion is out the window. It is not right or just.
Had the opioid crisis been about alcohol instead we would be having a much different conversation over these years about reacting to the crisis and help for the afflicted. Those of us whose loved ones died and continue to die and suffer would see more compassion than scorn. We would not be having to convince everyone over and over again this is a disease, not a moral failing. Addiction is addiction.
41
You won’t get any sympathy from me.
He’s clearly a bankable star, and very talented - but it’s always remarkable to me why the public is so interested in the lives of actors.
Maybe it’s because we think we know them from their movies, and we are interested in the lives of people we think we know.
The truth is we know nothing about them except what’s apparent on the screen, and frankly, from that perspective, Jennifer Garner has a much friendlier face.
But, more to the point, they don’t know us, never will, and don’t care to.
So, really, why bother?
22
@Steven Roth Don't get pretentious. We like actors because we're human. Studies show human beings like a person more the more often they see their face. We see actors' faces a lot. It's pretty simple.
10
@J........we see their faces, a lot, but they are still “acting”. Agree with Steve.
5
@Steven Roth I'm not sure he needs your sympathy. As someone who loves a person with alcoholism, I am grateful that Ben Affleck acknowledges how his circumstances required him to remove "anonymous" from AA, possibly lifting a bit of the shame for the everyday alcoholic who can see themselves in the struggles of others. High profile individuals have that opportunity and it seems he has embraced it further with The Way Back.
3
anonymity in alcoholics anonymous is the spiritual foundation of the program. the purpose of anonymity is to protect the program, not the alcoholic. no one person speaks for AA, nor should any person be held up as an example of the program. positive role models in the program are great, i had more than one , before i made the call. however; several of the examples mentioned in this article do have, have not had, anything like continuous sobriety, free of drugs and alcohol, in the program of alcoholics anonymous. using movie stars and such as role models of AA is a very bad idea indeed. i wish affleck well, but maybe less attention and more work would be beneficial.
7
@cass county AA itself has not validated its approach with appropriate follow up studies. It is a support group, but not a solution until otherwise shown.
1
@Multimodalmama Not accurate. AA doesn't validate itself by studies. It is a spiritually based system for living that, as Richard Rohr eloquently describes, replaces retributive justice for restorative justice. Retributive justice is patterned this way: sin > punishment > repentance > transformation. Whereas restorative justice follows this pattern: sin > unconditional love > transformation > repentance.
Working the 12 Steps is extremely difficult. Anyone who tells you differently has not earnestly done the work. Those who and do do the work must make a lifetime commitment to rigorous honesty, spiritual connection, integrity, humility, justice, and service to others. Everyday. For the rest of their lives. There are many among us who have made such commitments and yet they remain anonymous. The purpose of the support group, the AA meetings, is to foster a safe space to be honest, and help others. But none of it works without adherence to the steps. Because addiction is an incurable disease that take daily vigilance to manage.
1
I used to work with actors as a theater administrator. Like Sandy’s daughter in “The Kominsky Method” , I got to know them very well. To some extent nearly all of them, male and female, black, white, straight, gay, were very troubled people with traumatic pasts and complicated family lives. I know because they told us. They’d get onstage and tell their life story as part of their drama exercises. One wonders about the chicken and the egg: do people become actors to escape the pain, or is it the pain that makes them great actors? Probably both. For me, Affleck’s fame and fortune are irrelevant. I see him as being exactly the same as those anonymous starving theater actors I used to know: gifted and in pain. I wish him well.
26
@JSI true for artists in general, and many highly creative people.
3
@JSI "very troubled people with traumatic pasts and complicated family lives" -- basically the human condition; Let's not perpetuate the myth of the troubled artist. You just got to talk to those types because that was the occupation you were in.
2
There’s a reason AA suggests we remain anonymous at the level of press, radio, and film. Anyone is completely free to talk about being an alcoholic and being in recovery, but we are encouraged not to publicly announce our membership in AA. This suggestion is in place to guard against AA’s becoming a cult of personalities, rather than a program of principles based upon recovery and mutual aid. Anonymity also helps prevent AA’s reputation from being shaped by celebrities and pundits—who stand to profit from sobriety—instead of being shaped by the quiet example of millions of recovered people, living in sobriety one day at a time.
Mr. Affleck could have participated in this entire interview, addressing his addiction and recovery, without discussing Alcoholics Anonymous. Instead, he chose to disregard this tradition that millions of others follow. Why? What might result? Will the meetings he frequents be safe from paparazzi? Will his fellow alcoholics stand to have their anonymity blown, simply by associating with him? If he relapses again, will people unfamiliar with alcoholism & addiction think AA doesn’t work? Will he be able to stay sober?
I wish anonymity was as respected at the celebrity level as it is on the ground floor. My life depends on the longevity of AA, and folks breaking their anonymity in this way jeopardizes my future and the futures of my sober community. I wish Mr. Affleck the best. I hope he stays sober long enough to learn the value of our traditions.
22
@Kate W. I think confidentiality is essential. Anonymity is akin to hiding. Nobody thinks that any one person speaks for an organization like AA.
People should feel free to speak openly about themselves is they so choose without someone trying to put them in what they think should be their place.
At any rate, nowhere in this article did Mr. Affleck declare he was a member of AA. He simply said that anonymous doesn't apply to him. He's a celebrity, which makes his recovery front and center and provides him with challenges that most people don't have to experience.
24
@Kate W. Eh, I give him a pass. It's just a guy talking about why he got back into rehab. I don't mind hearing about celebrities in recovery since I think it helps lift the stigma, and he doesn't come off as a 'posterboy' preaching AA for the masses.
Also, AA gives me the right to say "I'm in AA, i went to this meeting." However, I don't have the right to say that I saw YOU at a meeting.
17
@Kate W.
"I wish anonymity was as respected at the celebrity level as it is on the ground floor. My life depends on the longevity of AA, and folks breaking their anonymity in this way jeopardizes my future and the futures of my sober community. "
I'm glad you're happy with AA, but you have become utterly dependent on it in exactly the same way you were dependent on booze. Life doesn't need to be lived in a state of terror. Most people who get sober don't go to AA and they do just fine without it.
1
This is yet another example, a variation, so to speak, on a theme of celebrities confessing their personal pain, beginning with, and arguably the best - Rousseau's "Confessions." - clearly a troubled guy. Perhaps, Mr. Affleck's disclosures are intended as a public mea culpa for personal issues (excess alcohol intake, marital issues - infidelity), to explain the slow downslope of his movie career, in contrast to that of his start-up partner - Matt Damon. Why this is of interest, or should be, to Times readers is the real mystery here; celebrities, with too much money and fame, routinely have persona; crisies, which, in the fullness of time, they either recover for, or not. If the former, we can look forward to a ghost writer first person disclosure, which I will be looking forward to leafing through on the remainder table Of Barnes & Nobles, it it stays in business.
6
Um, it WAS a good idea to be in Dogma. His speech in the parking garage is great, his scene on the train about faith is beautiful, and the.film itsellf is solid and funny. In Smith's top 3, IMO.
16
honesty is such a powerful thing. It takes courage, but, it empowers oneself and others. Thank you for leading the way. Gratitude to the writer and subject for a poignant profile.
13
A model of how to make the most of oneself, whatever oneself may be. How can anyone ask more than that, or not be thankful for the example, especially because it has clearly come at great personal cost?
6
From the beginning, Ben Affleck appeared on screen as a William Holden-esque figure with the exception of the detour through Marvel productions. He has already exhibited the ability to stretch his range beyond Holden's. Harnessing his personal pain and weaknesses and moving forward, Affleck will find his stride.
He has the on screen stoicism of Holden (who was boxed into a specific persona by the studio system and had his own demons), but has the potential to harness his deep pain and complexity to deliver so much more. Viewers have already seen these brilliant flashes in his work.
There are many movie goers rooting for Affleck. If he continues to gravitate to positive, resilient people, and help others make it along the way, there are no limits for him.
19
Best of luck, Ben, looking forward to your next film. Thank you for being an example, your honesty and openness about your struggle with demon alcohol will surely help others.
14
This is Us has a character on the show, Kevin Pearson, an actor, who after I read this piece reminds me of Ben Affleck. He's handsome, talented and successful in all the ways Western society holds out as the "dream." I wish him well.
4
Alcoholism is a disease that takes over by degrees. It can come on strong and youth can handle it until the body fails. It can eat away for decades until the body fails. It can combine with anxiety and other temporal or permanent mental states to take any form. However, it is still alcoholism. Alcohol is the major ingredient in any problem. It is also the easiest ingredient to remove. Remove the alcohol and then the rest of the ingredients will appear, clear, alone, and ready to be dealt with. Quitting drinking completely is easier than 'toning it down'. Quitting drinking completely is the greatest confidence booster, ego support, and example of what can be.
43
While, of course, I don't mean to take away from Mr Affleck's struggles with sobriety, I wish actresses were given as many 'second chances' as actors in the movie industry.
134
@Question Lindsay Lohan was given millions of them. That being said, for whatever reason, top actresses are less self-destructive, at least publicly. But if, say, Jennifer Aniston came out an as addict, I'm sure she'd get all the chances Affleck has. You usually get as many second chances as you are talented (or bankable) in Hollywood.
1
@Question thought the very same thing. but an actress if affleck’s age would be over anyway.
3
I live next door to someone with a compulsive disorder. The chaos and carnage affects everyone - the family, friends, neighbors, children, school, community. It's exhausting. It's toxic. There is nothing glamours about it. And, what's worse...their entire family becomes mentally ill too living and catering to that person. Our mental health system has failed. 30-days of treatment for a chronic illness ensures it will be an ongoing crisis for all. Be careful who you admire. They're generally the ones who should be admiring you...
41
Very true, and very sad. And the impact can last through generations.
7
Such a great actor. Stay strong Ben Believe in your strength. And remember you are loved it's not that bad. Cannot wait to see your movie. You have such loving support which is so much part of your healing. Much love and big hugs.
6
If I'm in public, with shirt off, and giant dragon tattoo on my back, how can I seriously complain and reset having a photo posted somewhere of it? Methink thou dost protest too much.
But I wish him well for he and his family's sake. They deserve the best version of him.
12
@historyRepeated
His resentment at having a photo of his tattoo published is just plain silly. That tattoo was not something done on a drunken whim to be regretted the next morning; it took hours and hours and hours of work.
Why the fuss about someone seeing it?
1
Amazingly inspirational!!!
8
I totally understand where Mr. Affeck is coming from having gone down that same road. I had to do the steps over again and made an amends to that person I was 'going out' over. I believe that the steps are the key's to our freedom.
Mr. Affleck spoke about his guilt and shame like a true alcoholic who craves and open and honest heart again. Hi belong to the best AA group in Boston. We meet every morning at 7:30, and yes it's in a church basement. For me,. this is where my miracle happened. I truly wish you all the best. I know when the fog lifts, the grace of God will enter your heart.
23
“People with compulsive behavior, and I am one, have this kind of basic discomfort all the time that they’re trying to make go away." That's the article's first quote, and an entirely profound truth that Affleck recognizes. I just wanted to remind him that another artist, John Lennon, once engaged in a powerful process -- Primal Therapy -- that addresses full-on this "basic discomfort," the original source of later self-medicative dysfunction. Any other approach you'll find expects you to think or pray or "mindfulness" or otherwise brute-force your head above the waves of a constantly importuning addiction. Maybe Ben would want to look into a deeper resolution.
4
@The Pessimistic Shrink -those of us in the program refer to the “basic discomfort all the time” as RID – restless, irritable and discontented.
8
OMG! Free false advertising.
"Any other approach..." Really?!
Kindly review the research and broad clinical experience before making further such claims.
@K. Frank Yes, I have reviewed them. The ultimate choice is, excepting New Agey pap, between some variant of the Cognitive Therapy paradigm (and there are many of them, some masquerading as qualitatively different and innovative) and a historical, feeling-centered approach. Re: Cognitive theory, as I've written in a different context, "To believe that our thoughts determine our nature is equivalent to believing that our philosophy of life determines how we feel about it."
Ben Affleck has a new movie coming out, does he not? A front page profile about his struggled certainly won't hurt him at the box office. That's all people in Hollywood care about.
He can save his mea culpas for his ex-wife and children.
33
My heart goes to Ms. Jennifer Garner for what she had to endure being in public eyes and constant scrutinizing by others . For Mr. Affleck`s demons being an alcoholic and wayward behaviour has to be extremely difficult .
What the Children also had to go through by an absentee Father.
I find Mr. Affleck to be a brilliant movie maker more than his acting.
Hoping he gets his sobriety back one day at a time.
Then he could dedicate himself for the service of others who are homeless and poor going through the same demons.
He has money and resources to change his life around.
Ben Affleck is still young !
7
I wish Mr Affleck the best with his career and sobriety. Compulsive behavior needs to be addressed early in life, if possible. I think people know if they have compulsive tendencies. If it's related to alcohol, drugs or gambling to name a few, it not only destroys the person but their loved ones also.
5
I wish Mr. Affleck well and his family too. That said, and you can color me the cynic, I find it just a little disconcerting that his honesty comes while trying to publicize his latest movie. I suspect we'll hear all of this again on Jimmy Kimmel, Ellen, et al.
39
As nice as it is to hear a prominent person speak of their personal struggle with a particular addiction, it would be substantially more profound (and courageous) to speak out about the corporate interests in this country whose tremendous influence continues to glamorize and normalize our collective need for their products.
16
The role in The Way Back is said to have been "therapeutic" for Affleck, but it doesn't sound like it was very good for him. It can only have been very painful and probably made the whole production more difficult for everyone involved. And to say at the end that he had a "total breakdown" on set after completing a scene is alarming. I do wish him well and hope he takes better care of himself in the future for his own sake and for his children who love and count on him.
6
Do we really learn anything from the struggles of the rich and famous? I'm always a bit suspect of their motivation of 'coming out.'
I prefer when you give voice to the voiceless about their struggles. But then again, I'm probably is a very small club about this.
39
@James Watt I hear you and in many ways abhor anything celebrity, yet people soak it up and if it brings the truth and pain about common struggles to the forefront I get it. It is a wake-up call to those voiceless people to shout out their struggle and need for help.
10
@James Watt Yes. We learn that money (Mr. Affleck was not born into wealth, he has earned whatever he has) and fame are not prescriptions for diseases of the body or mind, and for some it's comforting if not empowering to know that their struggles are shared with those who seem to have it all.
The pages of the Times have had many stories of depression and dependence from the unknown sufferers living on the very edges of society. At some point we all have noting left to lose.
5
@James Watt
The rich and famous can bring attention to issues that many of us deal with but are ignored by society. A recent book by another celeb talks (apparently I haven't read it) about dealing with mental illness. Unless it is brought forward by someone prominent, it is dismissed by the general public. A homeless person on the street is just annoying to many people, who have no idea how they came to be there. There but for fortune go you or I.
8
Thanks for talking about the illness of alcoholism, using Mr. Affleck as a visible example.
In this judgmental decade the thought that someone can be ill and do harm and still have value is not popular.
If the article were just about him, it would be a fluff piece. To readers who have the disease, or live with those with alcoholism, this article almost provides hope -- that is the best it can do. The rest is up to the reader.
I hope the movie's good.
And too bad you didn't
6
@Trying... (last four words were a t ypo... should say "thanks for saying 'illness' in the article."
1
I feel nothing but compassion for him. I know a lot about addiction, our extended family is rife with it. It's an illness, and people who are addicted do suffer terribly and some unfortunately, are never able to find sobriety. Some do, and learn how to live their lives without a numbing substance.
It's an upward battle, but people who find sobriety also learn to lives of incredible integrity. They really have no choice. The lucky ones also go into therapy and discover how to deal with some of their demons.
I also want to tell people who have loved ones with addiction issues, a relapse DOES NOT mean forever, for many people it's part of the process of recovery, two steps forward, one step back.
A big part of an addict’s recovery is how the family responds. DO NOT enable them, it only prolongs the agony for the addict and the family. Family members can get help and support through Al-Anon and Nar-Anon. Its not an easy road, but it can be dealt with, both for the family and the addict.
18
There is a lot of puritan legacy here. People having to admit their shortcomings in public and having to ask for the forgiveness of the community.
18
@Andreas
Is that what the Putitans did?
1
Why not take the millions and relax out of sight of the public eye? With Brad Pitts recent Oscar, Affleck may be thinking for something similar to happen for him. Celebrities want the fame.
11
@K Henderson
What a shallow statement. People get joy and a sense of purpose out of the work they do. It is far harder to fight your demons when each day looks like the last with no other purpose.
@Sue Thompson. The lifestyle many A-listers live is exactly what presents them with Easy opportunities for substance abuse again and again. So why would he put himself in that mix?
Celebrities are all different sorts of people but most are fame driven, most especially when achieve success as A-listers. Affleck is courting his own danger by wanting back into that celebrity mix. Not shallow.
I think I will always remember him and Damon from "Good Will hunting" - a very impressionable movie.
I don't think I have seen any of other Afleck movies.
But this new one - probably will see.
Out of curiosity.
With that tattoo - does a director always has to film Affleck from front if he is to be shirtless for a scene?
Or, Affleck needs a role that has tattoo as part of personality ?
Inquiring minds need to know.
3
@Neil I think they can cover it up, or, you know, use the same tech they used to de-age DeNiro and Pesci in The Irishman.
2
I'm not a big fan of the guy but I will say this. Welcome back. Going forward I suggest keeping this idea firmly in mind. One step, at a time. That's all each day is one step, at a time.
John~
American Net'Zen
3
I'm buying a ticket and hoping old Ben over there keeps on making movies if that's good for him and it looks like it is, so I'm putting down my money and going.
Everyone's got their reasons, but is your reason enough of a reason? Is it ever?
It's an eternal question.
Good luck with it, those reasons and that walking a mile in another man's shoes, it'd do a lot of you a lot of good, really it will.
8
It takes courage for people to really look at themselves with honesty and critical introspection, even that much more so with the world watching.
I applaud Ben Affleck for his candor and his ongoing efforts to become the person he wants to be. The past can’t be undone, but the future is still his.
686
@NM Don't celebrities write books or do confessions about their struggles to promote their films or books?
Coincidentally, his new film They Way Back - addiction and attempts to comeback theme- is due March 2020.
Hmmm....
29
@uji10jo When dealing with alcoholism, people with courage, including celebrities, will admit in public to his or her struggles. I believe it is one of the steps, so to speak, leading to recovery....to admit and atone. There is also a benefit to being a public figure. It sends a strong message to other addicts that they are not alone in this life and death health challenge, that there is hope. I remember well when President Ford's wife, Betty Ford, came out about her alcoholism and, I believe, founded a clinic for those affected by substance abuse.
49
@NM It also takes compassionate respect for the authenticity of his confession, to absorb it instead of criticizing or taking shots at him.
36
I think this is a deeply sad story and I honestly wonder if he might do better if he commits himself deeply to intense treatment: Substance abuse treatment or AA always but maybe psychoanalysis too. He needs something more or it will continue to progress. It could save his life and spare his children this toxic legacy. And it has helped and saved many. Myself included. I wish him the best.
13
I really enjoyed the Town, which Affleck directed. Ben is talanded not only in acting. Addiction hurts any relationship, If he regrets a divorce he can always try to reconcile. Their compatibility with Jenniffer by Volikov test is good, it means they still have a chance to get back together it seems.
1
@Elena;(satire, honestly) Talanded, for sure. They don’t have compatibility with Jennifer, he does, or doesn’t. Or there combatable or not. I appreciate you try to sum up they’re relationship with some arbitrary test but that won’t work with an alcohol like him, too cray for that two work. Very smart sounds you make though. I’m going to heck for this. Good morning!
Mr. Affleck deserves some credit and respect for his candor and will to change, as monumental a challenge as that is for anyone. I’m sure he has plenty to look forward to in his newfound sobriety and the consciousness that goes with it. Cheers to you, Mr. Affleck.
However, I can’t get over the glib and somewhat condescending tone that the author, Mr. Barnes, assumes while addressing the delicate subject of substance abuse. Despite the denials of run-of-the-mill celebrity gossip, I wonder if this journalism falls into the trap of sensationalizing something that is deeply personal for the sake of satisfying an audience hungry for the next juicy scoop. Does this perpetuate a cycle?
13
Affleck made two of the best movies of the last decades — Good Will Hunting and Argo. I hope he has a long and productive few decades ahead.
9
@Margaret Murray
Yes. And don't forget Ben's first film, GONE BABY GONE.
Flawed as its plot may be, it has one of my all time favorite opening and ending scenes, as well as an amazing performance by one of my favorite actresses, Amy Ryan.
3
First off, I can tell you this much. All families have issues and addicts and depression and if they tell you they don't then they lie. My question is when does he have time to drink or party with that hectic schedule? I hope he can rebuild what's important to him and most of all be the best dad he can. Sometimes you just have that "come to Jesus" moment and hopefully stay on track. You can have money and all the material thing's that life offers, but loneliness and that empty pang deep in your stomach are so tough to overcome sometime. We all need prayers, especially now.
8
I grew up with an alcoholic stepfather. My stepbrother, his son, and I started drinking in our teens. We both 'managed' in spite of it all. I still drink wine with meals, succeed most times to drink only at dinner and 1-2 glasses. Its important that Mr. Affleck speaks publicly for all the other drinkers out there.
8
@Jean louis LONNE why does he need to speak for the drinkers?
I can't help but wonder ... Would we be applauding a female celebrity who was unfaithful to her husband, an alcoholic, and a sometimes absentee mother for "trying honestly"?
I am glad Ben Affleck is taking responsibility. But I cannot ignore the destruction and pain he left in his wake and the woman who had to clean up after him every step of the way.
She is the one who truly deserves the redemption story.
251
@Ra, I agree that men are judged less for their past sins than women are. Especially when it comes to infidelity. But plenty of female performers have spoken or written honestly about their addiction and bad behavior, and they were lauded for their recovery. Carrie Fisher comes to mind.
As for those who “clean up after” addicts “every step of the way,” I think they often trod a fine line between enabling and nurturing. It’s not a position I would accept, or tolerate.
11
@Ra Yes, I believe we would be applauding a female celebrity who went through this kind of miserable experience as well. We sympathize with people who honestly regret and clearly try to change. I'm sure I've read stories just like that over the years--with female musicians in particular. Your take shows a lack of charity, but in particular, creates a gendered and divisive association here that feels more like resentment than impartiality and balance.
30
@Ra Yes, I believe we would be applauding a female celebrity who went through this kind of miserable experience as well. We sympathize with people who honestly regret and clearly try to change. I'm sure I've read stories just like that over the years--with female musicians in particular. Your take shows a lack of charity, but in particular, creates a gendered and divisive association here that feels more like resentment than impartiality and balance.
6
If Afleck really regrets the divorce, he can always try to reconcile. Afterall Garner is not dead, she's still there, quite possibly ready and waiting (particularly if he's been a good father to the kids).
Talk is cheap. If he really wants it, if he truly means it, he needs to make amends, he needs to atone to his past mistakes and transgression.
I do hope it's not too late for Afleck and Garner. Maybe they can give it another shot, and hopefully second time is a charm.
(But no, I don't want to see that happening with Pitt and Anniston, whose relationship had ended long time ago, who have led different lives and grown apart, and have nothing in common, unlike Garner and Afleck who will always be the parents to their children.)
6
That ‘Argo’ Oscar still rankles. I wish he had been as honest with the facts when making that film as he is now with his alcohol problems.
But of course I wish him the best. Get well Ben.
2
@rowbat Argo is a great film.
3
@Margaret Murray
Argo was brilliant spy work irl. Made for the movies, a chimp could have made it successful. Just saying
@rowbat
Ben has admitted he was loose with some facts in order to keep the film from running too long, and to make the ending more suspenseful. And, although I liked it a lot, I have read several critics' opinions that Argo did not deserve the Oscar.
He seems to be in a good place, and keeps learning from mistakes, wanting to be better. He’s a terrific actor and director, and acknowledges he messed up his marriage but continues to have a great relationship with Jen and his children. Having said all that, Ben is still the GREATEST Batman of all time!
5
@Rich
I agree that Ben most definitely is a terrific actor and director but I have to cast my Batman vote for the amazing Christian Bale, who's done battle with his own demons.
https://variety.com/gallery/batman-actors-ranked-worst-best/christian-bale-2/
1
Tough stuff. The courage it took for Mr. Affleck to come out so publicly about his addiction issues is a testament to his want and desire to turn his life around. Well done. Darn good actor and director, and I am looking forward to watching his flicks this year.
14
Celebrity is a pressure cooker. Give Mr. Affleck a break. (I’m glad I’m not famous!)
22
If all alcoholics were as honest as Mr. Affleck, AA would be holding daily meetings in stadiums, not meeting rooms.
19
I too an an alcoholic. Reading this was like looking in the mirror. The saddest part about this is the family. My deepest regret is the terrible influence I had on my children. I can never fix that, I can only make amends to the best of my ability. Ben has the ability to help many helpless alcoholics and one day he just may start doing that. But he first has to heal himself.
59
Every time I watch one of Jennifer Garner's instagram cooking videos, I feel sad for Ben Affleck that he lost her. It's reassuring to know that some of our perception of celebrities is true with his confession that the divorce is his biggest regret.
41
@Lena I suspect on some level, she wants us to think that as well.
I wish Affleck healing and happiness.
I always remember the way he stood up to Bill Maher. I admire him for his courage.
20
@K, I just looked that up. Affleck was right to ream out Bill Maher for his crass, silly remark. Most that that man says is worthy of scorn anyway. But he also criticized Sam Harris, and what Harris said in that discussion (“We have been sold this meme of Islamophobia, where criticism of the religion gets conflated with bigotry towards Muslims as people. It’s intellectually ridiculous.”) was true. If it is okay to criticize Catholicism, Mormonism, Judaism or Buddhism (all of which have been politicized, to ill effect for someone, as has Islam), then it is okay to criticize harmful interpretations and violent misuses of Islam. Affleck’s angry retort was as stereotyping and hyperbolic as Maher’s was. Just in a different way.
2
@K Bill was not wrong.
I wish Ben and his family the best. He seems to finally understand the root causes of his alcoholism and is trying to make amends. The first being self-forgiveness since without this one is forever trapped in the cycle of shame which feeds addiction.
37
I've never seen any acting by Mr. Affleck, but I assume he is an excellent actor. The story does not touch on the demons that underlie his alcoholisme, which for me is a relief, as I don't want to know. I do hope he knows, because that is the only tool available for a lifelong battle.
8
@Sfreud he speaks about his family. I’m not sure if there’s a genetic tendency to alcoholism but there’s certainly a familial one and I think he made that clear.
1
The divorce is not the end. He still has 3 kids to care about. I hope he remembers that. He should be the best father he can be and the rest is secondary. That’s what I’d like to tell him. Do your best, care about the kids and do your work at your honest best. The rest will settle back in place in time. Be humble, be modest. Also have fun and laugh whenever you can and enjoy the little things.
I don’t think stars are different than the rest of us. We all have couple challenges and failures. It’s how we get back on the horse that counts.
39
@Alan
So true. If he really and truly does try to make amends and put his kids first, they won't hold a grudge against him when they're older.
2
@Alan
Very true. I couldn't have summed it up better
I van understand the disdain for entertainment celebrities and their wealth. They are paid by sales, pure and simple. There's no loophole in movie tickets they're exploiting.
4
@Vijay V
*can't
1
NYT
I can empathize with Ben and other people who have addiction problems and that is why children from the first grade forward will have mandatory classes on coping skills like expressing the feelings which is at the cause:fear/anxiety.
Having alcoholism is the feeling the good life to waking wishing you were dead, no money family friends. despair looks like a good thing because it is a step higher than suicide.
The organization I belong to has a better success rate which is still dismal but a start. I don’t support a rehab for everyone because for every person is different and the bottom line is do I want to live like that. My answer is no I don’t for myself and those who have had enough. I have a lot of ground to cover but I will do my part
5
The world is pretty much in denial about alcohol because the majority of people drink. No one wants to admit the truth, that alcohol destroys more lives than opioids and meth combined and there is always the quick rejoinder "but it's legal." My father was a brutal and cruel alcoholic who poisoned everything he touched. Like Affleck and most alcoholics, he had the tale of intergenerational woe. Jennifer Garner is a woman of dignity who is doing the best for her children, but people would be wise to never become involved or breed with an alcoholic or someone whose intergenerational family history is so dysfunctional. Not that I am a paragon of anything, but I made the decision decades ago that the faulty DNA would end with me. While I do not drink, virtually every man in my family has the alcoholic gene. I am grateful for Adult Chidren of Alcoholics for helping me to understand the manipulations of the alcoholic and see past their superficial charm. Affleck is a talented man but he will never shake the demons that are part of his DNA.
37
@Eli Maybe he won't "shake the demons" but he can sure learn to control them and live a sober life. I know, I have done it since 1992.
41
@Eli
There are millions of people who not only shake those demons but overcome them to become better human beings than most for having suffered through that affliction.
Such suffering not only teaches wisdom but empathy as well. And a really good and experienced therapist can make all the difference in the world.
6
I disagree with your comments about the "demon" alcohol, and I say this as an adult child of alcoholics. many people throughout history (and now) enjoy occasional or even daily alcohol and do not become drunks. A cocktail or glass of wine can be a lovely part of life: akin to a great meal, a walk in nature, a flower on a table, a hot shower. That said, I congratulate you on your sobriety.
We are all human, regardless of our public or non-public status. Give the guy a break. He is doing his best ... we all make mistakes. His very public recovery efforts will undoubtedly help others to feel empowered to make positive changes in their own lives.
51
In this world full of misery for so many people on so many different levels, I really find it hard to generate much sympathy for the trials and tribulations of a Hollywood Star, especially regarding his problems with alcoholism. I do feel some sadness for the fact that he lost an amazing wife. Otherwise, Ben Affleck seems to be a decent person, and good luck to him in his quest to stay sober.
32
We are a society that claims our inner happiness as individuals depends on our material worth. Ben’s experience demonstrates that it is not true. We are bombarded with messages every day about material success, the wealthy suburb, the private school, the size of the house, and the friends we should aspire to. This has separated us from our initial development and meaning as humans. We used to live in small groups and took care of each other.
18
@RajeevA They could write a story about you, but no one would read it.
Be there for your Children. That should be your real Job now. Fortunately for you and them, you can afford to take time off.
Otherwise, best wishes. And don’t give up on your Ex-Wife. She just might give you another chance.
32
" I drank relatively normal..." It's a comment like this which causes for me the greatest anxiety. What is "normal?" Is it the same for everyone? Are there professions, occasions, contexts, etc. which alter the definition?
Doctors and organizations will surely offer up an appropriate number of drinks based on some differences, but to what extent do people follow them? I mean people who see their drinking as "normal?"
Drinking for many, many people imperceptibly moves to problem drinking which in many cases appears normal, acceptable. Problem drinking can go on for years, not end careers or relationships and maybe never labeled as alcoholism. It often is just so much fun. People forgive; families move on; life continues.
While I applaud anyone who acknowledges he or she is an alcoholic, it baffles me how easily we overlook "normal drinking."
I'm not talking about functional alcoholics. We know what that looks like. Perhaps we need to look in the mirror to recognize the "normal drinkers." Embarrassment, saddness and insecurity are always part of the nornalcy.
I wish Ben Affleck well. I wish all the "normal drinkers" good luck.
19
@Barry Miller
Interesting question! I’d say a “normal drinker” is someone who has a glass a wine with dinner that specifically pairs nicely with/complements their meal. It’s part of the dinner occasion, kind of a micro-mini celebration at the end of each day, with family.
12
@GBR - Wine doesn't actually "complement" food. Alcohol is an anesthetic that numbs both the sense of smell and taste.
15
I share your concern about “normal” drinking and how different that can be for each person and family.
My idea of “normal” drinking growing up was very different than other families’.
Of course, I didn’t know that until I met people in college whose parents didn’t drink AT ALL!
And no one will talk about it because we might just have the slightest notion that our drinking is not “normal” but who wants to stop?
My experiences lead me to a very different view of the KC Chiefs Super Bowl (yeah, I can, and will, fit our Super Bowl win into ANY conversation!) parade than many others who thought the some of the team’s very public drinking and drunkenness was totally justified.
Love my team but am not convinced that it was appropriate in light of this very type of conversation....
10
(Borrowing, obviously) How many..the number of addiction treatment methods?, let me count the ways..
Here is the solitary truth of battling addiction; You will become the center of your own recovery, above all else is...you.
4
I looked at Ben Affleck's bare feet and ankles and thought how they just looked swollen. Vulnerability assails us all.
4
We're all human. Some of us have serious issues, like alcoholism. I get that Ben Affleck is human, and hopefully can address his personal issues. His family needs him, he needs a him.
But it all this public self-analysis and confessions strikes me as a bit of an act. It really got me, when he was on "Finding Your Roots" and he had the portion regarding his slave-owning ancestors scrubbed from the final cut (against the agreement one makes going in).
Really? Like folks would judge you on your ancestors from 150 years ago? Unlike personal behavior, you have no ability to control who your ancestors were.
I truly wish Ben well. But rather than awkward, public, confessions, why not just show us you've changed?
28
@historyRepeated Wow. That incident about 'Finding Your Roots' really speaks to how deep the desire to control how you are viewed and deal with shame (while not really dealing with it or knowing anything about healthy boundaries or responsibility runs.)
I wish Affleck better and deep real, the 100% honesty and courage it takes to deal with the daily, sometimes hourly challenges to show up honestly and humanly, and not cave into a weak place of magical thinking, being an entitled 'exception' or control freak, or choosing the avoidance your money or status might give you.
I wish Affleck better and real happiness, respect, honesty and human (and therefore imperfect, potentially wiser, and earned, compassionate) love, from the inside out.
You make millions of dollars for being a celebrity, when stuff goes South, expect people to know about it.
Don't like it? Give all your money to charity and restart your life as a normal person.
Hollywood celebs are paid way too much for way too little. I doubt not the talent of these excellent people, but 50 million dollars for one movie? I mean, come on.
27
He's a better actor than I thought.
14
To be depressed is what a sane person would be when looking at this world. I don't trust anyone that seems happy.
13
Be here now
5
I'm suddenly embarrassed that I read this... that I care at all what happens to a Hollywood star. I feel like a voyeur even as I realize newspapers and celebrities love this kind of attention. As though these were friends having a bad time with their marriage and my empathy is somehow important. I'm going to remind myself to turn away the next time such a story appears. There are real people in my life who deserve my concern and empathy.
57
@CAG Be generous, spread the empathy.
1
@CAG The bigger question is: why did you then POST on the NYT Op page?
Oddly feels like a PR campaign for ‘The Way Up.’
His schedule appears maniacal and unhealthy in and of itself. it’s like replacing one addiction for another.
When Bob Dylan quit drinking in 1995, the public did not know until a quirky book mentioned it in passing “Another Side of Bob Dylan : A Personal History on the Road and off the Tracks” by Victor Maymudes and Jacob Maymudes. In 2014!
I respect the opt out approach that Dylan took privately. I will forever question how the entertainment industry ignored the plaintive cry of Amy Winehouse and her smash hit ‘Trying To Make Me Go To Rehab’. Where was the love in that?
Be gentle on yourself Mister Affleck. That will be your greatest role. Take a tip from the master and don’t look back.
22
@Bill Tyler
"Oddly feels like a PR campaign for ‘The Way Up.’"
Oddly?
OF COURSE IT IS!!! And he's writing it off for promotion.
Another good actor and performer with addiction issues— and thank God, he hasn’t taken car wash of himself and he isn’t loved and has support from Family and friends.
The list in Hollywood is very long when it comes to this issue.
Perhaps acting and entertainment business as professions are not good for the psychological health— good for the pocket maybe— definitely not good for the soul.
It is something young actors and performers should be seriously warmed about!
Not everyone has the good fortune to recover, like Pitt or Affleck, so many more die of suicide or fall into severe physical decline.
I truly wish him well.
He’s the father of three children, and hopefully will remain healthy and sober for a long long time. Having your personal life on public view is Horrible and he has dealt with it graciously, in the recent year.
Be well, Ben.
11
@Ash.
I hate autocorrect!
*thank God, he has taken care of himself, he is loved and has support from Family and friends.
*warned.
1
The reason he gave the interview is because he has four movies coming out this year.
67
@Simon
And? He makes movies and when he signs the contract he agrees to publicize them. That's part of his job. I can't imagine he would have brought the addiction issues up if this reporter didn't ask. I am sure he would have preferred NOT to talk about it- but what reporter would let him get away without that clickbait. He knows that Faustian bargain.
15
Ben Affleck is one celebrity I've always found very likable and sympathetic, even when he's clearly struggling. I think it's partly because he doesn't seem to have a protective public shell; when he's depressed or struggling with addiction, everyone can tell. And it's partly because no matter how many times he relapses, he never stops getting up and trying again.
71
Affleck must have very effective publicists. I hope he had to pay big bucks to get this soft interview. I mostly think of Affleck in light of his performance on the the Bill Maher show where he provided an unconvincing display of outrage and righteous indignation against Bill and his guest Sam Harris.
30
I think famous people who admit to battling --and sometimes beating--their addictions can be powerful motivators for the non-famous to do the same.
But I also feel bad that things most of us think of as personal if not private get widely reported and analyzed.
16
Coming to realize one’s regrets can be hard won victories, albeit too often seemingly small victories, over smugness, hubris and arrogance. Thumbs up to Ben Affleck on his journey.
15
Ben Affleck is an artistic genius and they usually have some issues. Women ought know enough to be wary of marrying this type. He doesn’t need to apologize too much. Watch “Good Will Hunting” again if in doubt.
6
@Sherrod Shiveley
I enjoyed GWH, but I know that any Cambridge kid could've written the screenplay. I grew up with friends of Matt & Ben. Same town. Overlapping social circles. Most of the kids I knew from CRLS has the same sense of humor. The lay away sandwich joke is great, but you'd hear similar at almost any Cambridge houseparty. It's called Working Class Irish Humor (WCIH), and Cambridge/Boston is full of it.
9
I grew up in a similar Boston neighborhood. Lots of people with terrific senses of humor. That doesn’t mean they were capable of writing a screenplay. And they didn’t.
36
@Anti-Marx
Respectfully, I would imagine you might also be one inclined go into a modern art museum and look at, say, a Jackson Pollock or a Rothko colorblock and say, I could have done that if you think any Cambridge kid, no matter how funny, could write a script like GWH. Like the Pollock painting, it is harder than it looks.
36
The level of meanness of these comments is astounding. He just seems like a really sad man celebrity or not.
96
Any respect or admiration I had for Ben Affleck disappeared after his televised rage against Sam Harris.
13
Well, he’s certainly got the rehab patter down. Newsflash for Ben — every family has its share of addicts. What bothers me is how rehab engenders all that “be kind to yourself, move beyond shame” talk. Why does that bother me? Because some of worst pain I’ve felt was due to addicts —- liars, manipulators, thieves, people of such destruction who cling to all that “be kind to yourself” talk as a way to duck responsibility and acknowledgement of any pain but their own. So much for making amends: maybe it’s just the easy amends. And how many rehabs, really, do we pay for? Three and counting for Ben, but he can afford it. I’ve seen so many people lie through rehab, precisely because it’s the most supportive place on earth. Addicts supporting addicts. To the ones who actually stayed sober and moved on, I say congrats. I know some of those as well.
27
@Andy. So well said. Our family, my children have also been immeasurably harmed by an alcoholic, my kids’ father. He embodies the “be good to yourself” adage - everything in his world is focused on what’s best for him. He’s currently sober after his second rehab stint, proud of his accomplishment and a “changed man,” but still the same self-absorbed careless, absent father he always was. These types never change. They may not drink anymore, but they are still the same self-serving, destructive individuals they always have been. I have zero sympathy for Ben or any of them. Maybe if it wasn’t always all about their sadness and pain and more about the devastation they cause others, they’d have a fraction of a chance to actually become decent and valuable members of society.
4
Dear Mr. Barnes,
The article starts with a warning as if you are a better writer/ journalist than previous reporters who have written about actors, etc. And then you add the GAG. Really?
And why are you so adamant about not respecting the Anonymous. You are writing about Ben Affleck so why bring up others and their sobriety. You are not respecting the Anonymity. If Brad Pitt and others want to talk about their alcoholism, let them.
You could have done a different take possibly bringing privacy back into the article and kept the subject on Ben Affleck and his accomplishments of which he has many, getting sober being one.
22
@Lucifer
So well said and I completely agree !
1
When is an actor not acting? I don't know, and I am suspicious of all these emoting, over-sorrowful or over-sorry actors (actresses included). From the heartfelt good wishes for rivals at the Oscars, to Meghan's protestations of devotion to Harry [a less-smart, less-dominant person], to Ben's declarations in this article, I have to wonder what is authentic and what is the product of years of calling up the emotion needed to gain support.
18
There comes a point when certain celebrities become permanently unattractive to me. Clint. Mel. Affleck. Yuck.
52
One is hardly encouraged to take Affleck seriously when he poses for a photo while sitting against a wall on the bathroom floor.
29
There is no “moving on”, only “moving forward”. You can’t escape your past but you can confront it and get on with living.
6
Sounds like he's sharing at an AA meeting. Keep it simple
Ben.
2
So many movies and novels rely on drunks to provide fake drama into a story. Being an alcoholic is not dramatic, it is a sad, boring trope that often includes stupidity as a characteristic of the protagonist. So the high school coach is a drunk, huh?
8
Looks like he hired Brad Pitt’s PR genius. Brad definitely won the divorce wars against Angie.
7
@Leslie Monteath
Yeah, but Brad is like, you know, BRAD PITT!
6
Is this the NYT or a supermarket tabloid?
37
boring.. this should be in people magazine or the enquirer
39
I hope you make it, man.
14
Gosh, another article about a rich celebrity's angst over his First World problems, complete with intimate pictures of the star in his bare feet.
Is this really the New York Times?
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
52
Thank heavens for idolatry or this story would have never been written. Try being a drug addicted homeless person.
24
@LiquidLight
Point well taken. Afleck is living in the sheen of a professional career. Wobbling back and forth amongst his wealth.
The is really no excuse for not dealing with the poor and oppressed in this country. Except of course Trump, who gave a $trillion and a half tax breaks to the billionaires and corporations. Can you imagine what that could have done to eradicate poverty?
Just imagine how absolutely sauced Ben must've been to have agreed to that back tattoo?
19
@D Stein
He can get it removed, at the cost of $450 per 4 square inches per session, per 100 sessions.
3
@Moehoward and we will have another article on pains of an idol getting and removing a tattoo.
1
So tired of the self indulgent bro movies.........
21
I wish the best for Mr. Affleck, sometimes early fame could have harmful effects on anyone.
He is a brilliant movie maker, an intellectual.
The problem he has could happen to rich and poor equally, saying that Mr. Affleck has resources to help him reach his goal which is denied to millions without any help or resources.
May he reunites with his amazing divorced wife and his children.
4
Yes, the opioid epidemic has been terrible, but alcohol abuse still is far and away public health enemy number one in the U.S. and most of the world. Alcohol abuse causes more damage to individuals, their families, and society than all other drugs combined. The problem is that alcohol use is so widely accepted by our society -- you can't have fun without getting smashed is the message that every beer ad conveys to young people. Alcohol abuse is at the root of almost every incident of domestic violence in courts every day throughout the country. And alcohol abuse by young men and women is the singlemost common denominator in incidents of date rape. Drinking has no place in a civilized society. About the only good thing that can be said about Trump is that he doesn't drink (imagine if he did!). Ben Affleck should be thanked for coming forward and being forthright about his personal battle with alcohol abuse. Good luck Ben, and hopefully your story will inspire others to change their lives as well.
37
@Keeping it real
I am still asking why alcohol is served on airplanes and in airports when most of the disruptive behavior on planes is caused by drunks. Frankly I wish bars did not exist and alcohol in restaurants be wine only and limited to two glasses per person. Get drunk and obnoxious in the privacy of your own home. Start handing out mandatory minimum two year jail sentences for the first DUI with no early release.
5
I commend Ben’s honesty. I respect him as a Director, Writer, Actor and wish him the best of luck with his sobriety. It’s not easy. Especially in show biz.
15
Regardless of his demons and regrets, I like his acting. I look forward to some decent films. “The Way Back” will not be on my watch list however.
4
I truly wish him well. I don't particularly admire the film-making world, celebrity, or the media machine they both need and loathe. I do sort of wish that people who make outsized piles of money, however, once they acknowledge their faults and shortcomings, could dial it back, stick quietly to those charities (e.g. Affleck's Congo involvement) and just demonstrate humility and service. They don't need more money or public affirmation really; they need to become the selves they can respect.
15
Former wife of an alcoholic who got sober eventually but never apologized for all the destruction to me and our children.
I salute Ben for acknowledging his mistakes with his family. Alcoholism has different levels of severity. Remember how many relapses were suffered by Robert Downey Jr. Ben is a gifted man and if he had never done anything more than “Good Will Hunting” he would still have a remarkable legacy.
64
I can't believe some of the horrid comments I'm reading here. Such an utter lack of understanding and compassion among so many readers. Good luck with your recovery, Ben! I'm rooting for you.
113
After the opening words warning that this would not be a typical celebrity profile, my expectations were built up, but unfortunately they were not fulfilled.
40
Good luck to all the commenters here getting and staying sober. Wishing you strength and courage.
141
I’ve always wondered, who is more tortured, the addict or his family? As the child of an addict and an addict myself, I still don’t know the answer. Keep at it, Ben.
155
@Rachel
Family.
The addict is high much of the time and in denial much of the rest.
Family gets the reality and that's rough.
31
@Laurence Bachmann Addicts have destroyed my family. “But it’s a disease” is the enablers and addicts justification. No. No it’s not. It is a CHOICE. Humans have the brain capacity to stop it but selfish gratification comes first and the rest of us suffer at the hands of their addiction. They wallow in self pity and hide behind the disease excuse instead of making the right choice. SMH
4
The family
4
I've never forgotten how Ben Affleck was so vocal in the Get Out the Vote drives and then didn;t vote. What a loser.
18
Dislike that terrible self-serving first paragraph, and in fact I'm a little tired of all of these rehabbing articles for wealthy men who behaved really badly. The article on Brad Pitt was more interesting, at least.
39
Brooks Barnes -- quite possibly the best writer at the Times, and without question the best entertainment reporter anywhere.
4
Yawn. Who cares about Ben Affleck.
The Has-Been is a perfect title for this self-entitled & overrated actor.
31
And we should care about Ben Affleck because...?
25
@Jack Straw No one is asking you to "care" about him. It's an article in a newspaper in the entertainment section about an actor who struggles. Not every article requires an emotional commitment from the reader.
120
@Jack Straw
Perhaps because he is still a human being struggling to be better?
15
I wish he would go back to his family.
They may not want him back...
It’s hard to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive—at some point it better to be apart, as awful as that choice is.
37
@irene It might not be his choice.
2
@Woman you’re right. But it’s actually harder to trust, trust and trust again. Forgiveness is for yourself not them. Forgiveness helps you let go instead of holding on to anger and resentment which can hinder you. You can forgive but that doesn’t mean you have to ever let them into your life. That’s where trust comes in. But I get what you’re saying.
I had the hardest time getting my mother to understand this with my siblings. Just because I don’t allow them in my life doesn’t mean I don’t love or forgive them. I’m just tired of the disruption and negative things they have to offer.
5
I support his efforts at self evaluation, but these seem to come a bit too late in Hollywood. Usually after the obligatory loose it all stage. "we somehow embrace the notion that this veil of tears, that it's perfectable, that you're going to get it all straight. I've found that things became a lot easier when I no longer expected to win." -Leonard Cohen
4
I just thought you were drinking because you were a bad actor
15
Well now you know about his family history, addiction, mental illness and suicide. He would have dealt with this no matter what his career was. The story is so similar to many of my clients.
5
Ben Affleck is a talent. It must have been "hell" for Jennifer and the children. Even close friends can't save you when you are spiraling down and I'm sure some of them tried.
One thing the article doesn't touch on is Ben Affleck's gambling. Is he addicted to "gambling"? Is he a patsy to the professional gamblers that he knows? Have the professionals taken him to the cleaners?
I wish him the best and everyone else with similar problems.
14
Bad Ben Punting
7
I wish he’d tried some of that supposed honesty back in 2010 when he and his friend Matt Damn used their money, power, and influence, to help pay off (and suppress the allegations of) two women whom Affleck’s brother Casey harassed and assaulted on the set of a film called “I’m Still Here.”
I wish he’d tried some of that supposed honesty before the Weinstein scandal broke, when he had the audacity to say to Rose McGowan, (of ALL PEOPLE), “I told him to stop doing that.”
I wish he’d just go away.
36
@Braden Matt Damon*
1
He’s a boring bad actor. Drunk or sober.
16
Boy, we've got some really negative, horrible people posting on this thread.
Makes me wonder what their own lives must be like.
82
@Jack I was under the impression that NYTimes comments were moderated by humans for quality control - that they should at least have some substance or point relevant to the story, even if disagreeable or biting. I'm seeing things in here that are clearly not putting any thought into their words, nor did they read the article.
Poor look on the Times.
7
@Jack
Thank you. My thoughts exactly. I can tell from some of the comments that they didn’t even read the entire article.
8
Where are these horrible people? I trust they’re not wondering what YOUR life is like. It is possible to be both a perfectly reasonable and lovely person while voicing skepticism about celebrities publicizing their personal struggles. Criticizing maudlin and confessional American culture as shallow and insincere isn’t mean or horrible. It’s calling a spade a spade.
2
I'm no longer impressed with Ben Affleck. Ever since he gratuitously trashed Sam Harris by comparing him to a "shifty Jew" on Bill Mahr, Affleck's been a persona non grata to me. Until he apologizes to Sam for that inappropriate comment, nothing's going to change that for me.
44
@Nancy Robertson agreed. Ben's behaviour was awful.
10
@Nancy Robertson I feel the same. I watch the show and was appalled at his behavior. Hopefully, he's making a real turn around. Time will tell. I watch the same appalling behavior in a couple of interviews. I didn't know he was an alcoholic but at the time I wondered if he was drunk. So, and if you read this I hope you make a real turnaround in your life. Humility and kindness to others can make you feel good about yourself.
8
Yes! The insincere virtue-signaling “tolerance” of that moment is perfectly consistent with the insincere virtue-signaling proclamation “I’m sober now, look at me!” Sincere sobriety is the one that need not be noticed. It is the quiet absence of active alcoholism and its associated self-centered behaviors—behaviors that do not vanish just because the alcohol is gone.
5
Some people get do-overs again and again. Privilege is a heck of a drug.
32
@PABD --right on. While I have sympathy for Affleck, I think of all those who suffer opiod addiction, labeled by society as reject junkies, so many homeless folks self-medicating with boose or drugs to ease their untreated mental illness or PTSD in the case of many vets...I think of all the crack addicts from the 80's and 90's labeled as criminals and locked up. What do we do for all of them? I wish Affleck well--maybe he could lend his celebrity and some of his many millions to helping folks who can't afford treatment and actually get them treatment. Maybe he could help pass bills to see that regular people get the help they need. That would be one way he could make amends.
1
Oh yeah, that guy who was once married to J Lo.
8
@John Doe They called off the wedding days before the ceremony, so wasn't married to her.
1
@John Doe you need to read more celeb mags. They never made it to the altar. And he’s the one with the Oscars.
Ben Affleck found his five minutes of clarity and he's doing the work he needs to say sober. I wish him continued success in his field and on his journey.
Have always been a fan of this talented guy, and I hope his family gets to enjoy his honesty and grace as much as he does.
23
"The Town" and Gone Baby Gone" are wonderful movies I go back to again and again. They are small (in just the right way) and lived in and wonderfully paced and acted. Get on up Mr Affleck. I may not want to spend any time with you-but I want to watch the movies you make
13
He may be an alcoholic but I suspect, like another commenter, that he's apologizing for drinking when he should be apologizing for leaving his wife because he's just another guy who enjoys variety in bedmates. It is so much easier to admit to an addiction than to admit to a fundamental inability to be faithful to one woman for a lifetime. I dare say that unattractive, modestly remunerated men who work in, say, the meat-packing industry, are substantially more likely to remain married for a whole lifetime.
26
@Barb Crook First of all, I doubt that he left her. Second, why would you assume he's addicted to sleeping around? Third, why so many negative, degrading remarks about a man who is working hard to turn his life around? Finally, how condescending an attitude to imply that poor, ugly men make more reliable long-term partners. Geez!
16
@Rebecca I said he "enjoys variety in bedmates," not that he's addicted to sleeping around; and I suspect that because that's how many men behave, especially in Hollywood. And I said "unattractive," and "modestly remunerated," not ugly and poor. Don't put words in my mouth.
How many men can you name in Hollywood with the assets of a Ben Affleck who have stayed married to one woman?
Thank goodness he's doing better. This poor millionaire has such a rough life. Just imagine being him.
Please, show some compassion for the terribly put upon labor force in Hollywood.
Finally, I can get some sleep.
And, I'm also certain that all those people working 14 hour shifts for minimum wage will breathe a deep sigh of relief now that Ben is doing better. It makes their, frankly speaking, insignificant misery, far more palatable.
49
@Raven
Did you actually read the entire article or just judge him?
Did you read about his family? As someone who grew up amidst alcohol abuse that wasn’t as bad as what he describes, I ask that perhaps your compassion be extended to him (and to all people attempting to be good) not just those people who are struggling financially. Do you draw the line on compassion for all people with substantial incomes, or only Hollywood movie stars & the rest of those individuals working in the film business? Just because people have material comforts does not mean they are without struggles and deserving of compassion. And when is anyone’s misery insignificant?
24
@KLM Well said!
4
Ultimately, the sad part of all this is how you would exploit your personal troubles for selling a movie. Not while acting, but giving these interviews/editorials to promote it. How perfectly timed to come out with apologies and displays of regret. It shows that it probably wasn't that bad for you after all. Otherwise you wouldn't touch it.
34
@Criand SAME!
Zero mention of his betrayal of his wife? Cheating (with the children's nanny, no less) is pretty much the most devastating thing you can do to your family or loved one. He destroyed so much more than his own happiness....he indulged himself at the cost of his wife and children's happiness and peace.
"Alcohol" isn't everything. Please- just another plea for pity by a guy who found his career and money impacted by how he treats women in his life.
68
To Mr. Affleck and all public-alcoholic celebrities. Read the 11th and 12th Traditions. And talk to your sponsors (or get new ones).
10
@Robert Keeping topics taboo and out of the public conversation only makes things worse. If there is one positive outcome of the social media age, it is that the everyday struggles of life are being shared, and we no longer think "it's just me" or "No one gets my problems".
6
The controversy with the PBS show "Finding Your Roots" revealed a level of vanity that seemed big even for Hollywood.
22
@Blair I always remember what he did on that show. He's not one for truth, after all.
To Ben: I remember seeing you on Bill Maher. You were one of the smartest guests he has ever had. May be politics could be an alley (and ally)?
3
@Hana uzan
Agreed. Affleck was one of the few guests on there who deigned to vehemently disagree with Maher. He comes off as intelligent and passionate, addictions and woes notwithstanding.
3
Disagreeing with the host of the show when you’re entirely unable to understand the point being made is not exactly a good look. I urge everyone reading these comments to YouTube Affleck’s Appearance on Bill Maher’s show. The only explanation was that he was under the influence. No one could be that ignorant.
5
I am always impressed how some people manage to get things done(write books and more importantly get published, make movies etc) despite having alcohol and drug problems. I don’t have alcohol or drug problems and still haven’t made a movie or published a book!!
Best wishes to Ben and hope he finds happiness and peace.
12
Eh. Despite the warning (advertisement) that this won't be your usual celebrity profile, it ended up being exactly that. Nothing deep here at all. And he's really not a better actor than people think he is.
24
Right? That first paragraph reminded me how I used to revere the editors and copy editors at the Times. That would never have gotten by a good editor.
15
Any alcoholic who blames his drinking on having to numb his pain is definitely going to drink again. He drinks because he has an addiction he can’t control and it is clear he has not come to terms with this yet.
16
At one of my ladies book club meetings recently, I was talking about why I finally got sober. One reason was the shame I felt every morning when I got up. “Shame?! Why shame?”, was the response. Those that have been there know exactly what I mean. Those that haven’t, are making themselves painfully obvious with their responses here.
17
Can only wish him the best.
8
Ben Affleck shares with the world his human experience, which yes includes being addicted to drinking. Finally honesty. Why lie? Again he is human like you, I, and everyone else. Shining a light on it take the stigma away. Go Ben!
6
i have been sober 71 days. Its hard.
530
One day at a time.
Keep at it: it’s the most important thing you will do in your life.
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@Woman and nek: It IS the most important thing you will do in our life.
And Ben: I hope you make it. One day at a time.
32
I hope you have an awesome 72nd!!
56
Hilarie Burton wasn’t the only woman he groped. Annamarie Tendler, a make up artist and John Mulaney’s wife, also said he groped her. His alcoholism doesn’t excuse his assaults.
27
I don't think Ben (or any of us) will beat a single addition without addressing our 'addition' to flattery, celebrity, attention, sex, food. I hope Ben is being realistic about needing to quit his womanizing as he quits alcohol.
7
I have nothing to say about the interview, but I do wish to say, for anyone reading this who has any inkling inside themself that alcohol may be doing them no favors: you don’t have to drink. You do not have to have a come to Jesus moment of rock bottom horror to decide (or accept) that alcohol is not a requirement for a happy life. I loved drinking, until I didn’t. It took me a long time to honor the messages my mind and body were sending me. I come from a family of big, generous drinkers. I was a “life of the party” kind of gal. But, I was also struggling. Alcohol wiped me out, but it felt impossible to stop with all of the potential good times ahead of me. How could I be me, sober? How would I let my hair down, feel courageous, sexy, sophisticated, relaxed, energized, etc. Every occasion can seemingly be made better with a little buzz! But I listened, finally, to my own strong internal guide that said simply “you don’t have to drink”. So I don’t. I just cruised past my 1,000th day sober and I am now the most honest version of myself I have ever been. Still a good time, still social, just fully present and *really* hydrated. :) If you feel the tiniest pull to try life without alcohol, I’ll be rooting for you from here.
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@A
I will be rooting for you to enjoy life and being your authentic, sober self. Thanks for what you wrote.
38
@A A, this is about the best post I've read here. Thank you. Bless you. Good luck.
41
@A My God. This is the realist thing I've read in a while. So happy for you!!!!!!!
19
Oh, please. Mr. Affleck is an actor. No one cares other than the star-struck. He is an alcoholic. Presumably without coercion from family members he will continue to return to alcohol.
4
We hear a lot about Brad and now Ben's journey to sobriety with sexy pics of them as regular guys and gosh, vulnerable too. Where are Angie and Jen? Why don't we see them, vulnerable okay, revealing their feelings on a couch somewhere but also casually asserting a sense of themselves as busy A listers who can hang loose and grab the center. Women are fabulous hunks too but rarely portrayed that way. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood seems very much alive here.
12
@seaperl please women aren’t allowed to fall down like this. If they do everyone turns away. See someone has to actually raise the kids and stuff. Men get a pass.
27
@seaperl --Yup. They're with the kids. Imagine that. Women holding down the fort while yet another troubled man moans about battling his demons. What a luxury. What if Garner had gone off the rails? Would he have been able to parent those kids and support her while she went through years of rehab, relapse, groping men, more public cheating, off to make 4 movies? Just wondering.
Oh. how sad this is. He should get together with poor Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex (now living on the other side of the pond) who tells the world how awful his life was as a royal, being famous, pampered and rich.
15
@sugarwoman Those things don't protect him or anyone from the pain and sorrow that are part of living in this world.
6
@sugarwoman
Unhappiness and struggling in life are independent of money and status.
9
Brooks, did you reach out to Ben A. for this interview or was it the other way around? Or did his agent line it up?
17
"There is no paragraph where the star and the writer pretend to be pals — gag — while doing an everyday-person activity. What was everyone eating? Who cares."
But what we're really all dying to know is what everyone was WEARING!
2
I really started to dislike Ben Affleck when he tried to cover up his ancestry after being on PBS’ Finding Your Roots. The divorce and cheating were just more worms in the apple.
21
Three kids? If alcoholism is inherited, maybe alcoholics shouldn't have kids. Isn't that almost ensuring that your children will have hard lives?
I'm short. Women say they don't want kids afflicted with shortness. But I've never had any addiction issues. I'm not exactly crowing about it, but I read about so many men with a long history of addiction and alcoholism who have many kids. If alcoholism has no genetic basis, then what I say doesn't matter.
If recovering alcoholics and recovering drug addicts decided not have kids, would alcoholism/addiction disappear within a few generations? That's a semi-scientific question. I know severely depressive people who don't want to pass depression on to offspring.
6
Thanks for this article. I feel like he’s a hero for being honest.
My maternal grandfather committed suicide, and it set off a slew of grave consequences across generations. I was pulled in.
With Ben’s honesty, he is helping others.
The fallout and breakup of his marriage is regrettable, and I wish him the best.
15
Total props to Ben Afflect. However . . .
The folks who face--and overcome--the very same challenges while working 40-50 hours a week, and NOT having the means for the taylormade individual care I'm sure he availed himself of, are those for whom I reserve my utmost respect.
When I significantly cut down my consumption, I too had time (i.e., low stress), resources to see a psychologist, and also to fill helpful prescriptions, not to mention the unwavering support of the best partner ever, my courageous wife.
That was hard enough. The folks who conquer these diseases with less, often times FAR FAR less, deserve presidential medals of invincible courage. (From a president who himself has exhibited courage, but that's a whole nother issue . . . )
14
People who suffer addiction and then choose sobriety are really admirable. Those who are famous and choose to admit their problems publicly are heros. They accept humiliation, admit that they have created it, and give others an idea of what it looks like to succeed on a day to day basis.
20
Stayed at a Cape Girardeau hotel next to Ben Affleck while the film girl gone was being shot. He was so nice to us and quite disarmingly accessible, we already know he’s a wonderful human being.
17
Ben Affleck has many brothers and sisters out here in the wilderness. I think we might be in the millions. 40 years in the social service realm informed me that MOST people struggle, have daily worries. Ben Affleck has not failed in any way--he's another person any of us would enjoy knowing and he had a rough ride. I had one of those a while back and now that I'm in my 60s I look back and hey, everybody survived, the kids still welcome me, the grandkids treat me like a celebrity, and that trip up long ago, yeah, I lost big time, it still hurts but not from the same perspective but more like a memory, and no, I never accomplished another relationship like the one I lost, but I have love in my life, and I have had a good life--great by most standards, really, and here I am. I wish Ben Affleck the same peace.
57
even though i spent my entire 46-year long career recording actors, i never really figured out how to when they were and when they weren’t acting.
16
My adoptive dad was an alcoholic and drank until the day he died. I've never had much sympathy people with that affliction. They ruin their own lives and everyone around them.
However Affleck's attempts to get clean plus his genuine apology for the severe affects his behavior had, and will have, on his wife and family deserve commendation. May he continue to live a sober and discerning life.
42
It's almost as if we see Affleck in therapy, in "psychodrama" at the end of the movie "The Way Back" : a floodgate opened up. One of the reasons I will be again voting for the Democratic candidate is that I expect Democrats to be more aware of the issues of mental health, suicide and addiction and be willing to provide funding for programs to ease the pain for families dealing with this. With this interview, steps are taken to diminish the stigma around alcoholism, its causes and its attendant destruction.
30
best wishes to Ben. my family is plagued by addiction demons too. its not easy especially in the spotlight.
25
It’s interesting reading the comments that some people understand alcoholism/addiction, and others don’t have a clue. What Ben is doing is much harder for most recovering alcoholics because of his celebrity.
At least he’s brave enough to do it. Alcoholism is an equal opportunity disease. It spares no one prone to this hereditary horror show. But recovery is possible. And it starts and ends with honesty.
Good luck Ben.
285
@HeyJoe Except we've been here before with Ben. I wish him the best but I'll never understand people who put pressure on themselves by telling the world about their addictions. The proof is always in the pudding. Eminem and Rob Lowe didn't go for a NYT front page spread when they battled addiction. It was only years after the fact that a story was told.
7
@Sue: It's part of recovery to share your story and help reduce your overall sense of shame and guilt at what your addiction caused you to do while abusing a substance. Letting go pf shame and guilt is a huge part of recovery. How one does it is personal to the, and what they think with help most helpful to their recovery. Shaming him for being more public about his sobriety journey than Rob Lowe or Eminem is not helpful. Addiction is a disease, do more research about it before passing judgments about how Ben is dealing with his recovery process.
9
Alcoholism is a devastating disease and as addicting as heroin, cocaine, and opioids. We speak of heroes, and certainly over the last several months we have seen honorable people risk their jobs and careers to speak truth to power. But the unsung heroes are those who are akin to Ben Affleck. What a struggle and a daily struggle at that, even when one has been "rehabilitated" once, twice, or three and four times. It takes courage to look oneself in the mirror and say, "I am an alcoholic, and I need help." Yes, this chronic disease does tend to run in families. Yet it can afflict anyone. We all are vulnerable. Blessing to Mr. Affleck and to those thousands of others who want to live with health and peace to an old age.
35
More than anything, I respect Ben Affleck and Matt Damon for not letting early fame on a massive level wreck their film careers. These guys, at the ages of 25 and 27 respectively, won an Oscar in 1998 for Best Original Screenplay. Orson Welles was 26 when he won the same award in 1942 for Citizen Kane along with co-writer Herman J. Mankiewicz. Welles famously had a very uneven and frustrating career, and while Mankiewicz was older (44) when he won that Oscar his life and career were eventually ruined by alcoholism.
Overall, I have greater respect and admiration for late bloomers (Humphrey Bogart being the ultimate example in movies) but talented people who achieve early fame often struggle as well.
26
@AR I don't think you can compare Welles, who spent his career trying to get bold adaptations of Shakespeare made, along with everything from documentaries about Brazillian raftsmen to epic 19th-century period pieces, with Affleck who pursued a respectable but well-worn path in political and crime thriller genres, mostly in the neighborhood of his upbringing.
1
I wish Ben the best. Takes courage to do what he is doing. Honesty never failed anyone
63
We need more stories of the hard work of redemption. Thank you for this. Redemption isn't really the final destination but the process of learning, trying, being honest and owning the mistakes made and the hurt caused. It's rarely pretty, and nearly always beautiful. I admire Affleck's honesty and the hard work he's put into recovery and to acknowledging his mistakes and the people most affected but them.
139
Thank you. Loved Dogma and The Accountant. That had to be hard and a lot of us feel like you do.
20
I'm not one of those tabloid celebrity gossip followers (or am I?) but I have to say, in the case of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, I wish they could find a way back to each other. They seem to really be a loving, caring couple AND family. Tough to do, I know. Still...
26
@Barbara, I think they are better off being the best co-parents they can be. She's moved on, as was her right.
42
Ben: People who judge don't matter and people who matter, don't judge. Just continue to keep your finger off the self-destruct button ...one day at a time...and your life will significantly turn around. It is not how many times a person falls down it is how many times he or she gets up. You have the courage to do this!
99
@kkm I hope I keep getting up. Some times it seems easier to just fall down.
4
@elle_8b : You can fall down but you don't have to stay down...that is a daily choice! If you need help, there are plenty of resources for assistance in Florida. When you are ready to get up and stay up, people in the recovery community will be more than happy to help you. Sending you all good wishes, Elle!
12
That is one ugly tattoo. But then I'm of the generation that is horrified by tattoos.
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@David I must say I liked it - and I'm 71. : )
4
Agreed! And it must have taken AGES to ink — certainly long enough for regret to creep in, you’d think.
9
@David
Amen. I also don't get tattoos, especially such large ones. And he can't even see it.
11
Another celebrity confession.
How pitiful. Had more respect when he was sullen and bitter rather than crawling through this pathetic interview and equally pathetic movie. He must be desperate.
Remaking "Hoosiers" is just going to remind us how good an actor Gene Hackman was and how lousy Affleck is. Yeah, you've failed and I'll just bet this will be the latest example. And change the tile to "Mawkish and False". 20 mil gross tops despite all of the efforts to rebrand Ben Affleck.
14
@Lou Good Dennis Hopper was the troubled alcoholic in "Hoosiers," not Hackman. Different plot dynamics, but it is similar genre. Affleck has been good in his work. You never know, he might really slam dunk this performance. :)
3
@Lou Good
Guy crawls outta the bottle beaten to death by alcohol in himself and his family and this is the reply given? I say hats off to him for still standing. Ben: do it for yourself, only yourself. All else will follow and you'll be a good a parent in the end. Divorce happens, but if you're the real deal you'll grow from it and move beyond it. You're a good guy. pal.
4
@Me
Yup, that's my reply. When all else fails, do the celebrity confession with a sympathetic journalist. Pathetic.
Good guy? You don't even know him.
The choices are simple.
A. Continue on and die
B. Stop, and live.
My life was an endless fruitless search for nourishment to fill a void that I couldnt even identify .
I eventually filled the void up with massive amounts of drugs and alcohol to "cancel" myself because I couldnt find proper self examination, diagnosis, or any kind of a palliative.
The diagnosis would have at least have pointed to a way out.
I did eventually get some clarity as to what I was and how I became what I was.
Then I forgave myself.
I am not fixed, there is no fixing this, but I can live with it
49
@folderoy I tried that, didn't work.
1
@folderoy I'd shade the judgment differently. You can fix it, but you can't make it go away. Your honestly implies successful repairs have been implemented. Keep it up!
4
@elle_8b Then try something else.
(that's not the addiction, but speaks directly to the pain and confusion, amidst honest, caring, wise other(s).
You are worth it -- and many people HAVE found a way out, one day, hour, choice at a time.
You are worth it, even when you doubt that.
I believe you. The search to find a way is WORTH it. You are worth it. Honest, clear life is worth it.
Tears for this Human Person. A day at a time, brother.
297
To be an actor is to be a target for any nut on the planet who thinks they have established, through the cinema, some kind of special relationship with the actor who simply wants to do a job and go home at night.
If Ben Affleck was a plumber, even a very talented plumber, he would be just another slob like the rest of us.
Why can't we just leave people alone?
Bottom line?
Start hassling your plumber about issues unrelated to his/her job and see what happens the next time your pipes break.
Yeah, exactly.
15
Plumbers don’t get handed everything they want all the time just for being plumbers.
2
Alcohol remains the great killer. There is no way to minimize it and report that sorry fact honestly.
14
For Ben, taking on these demons inside in such a public way is gutsy. It is probably hard to forget where you came from the working class, male, Boston/Cambridge underbelly, lonely place; Hollywood and your former wife may never understand you totally, never mind the crazy alcoholism devil at your face 24/7. Go slow, hopefully with help and friends who care.
15
@Pamela H You're clearly a nice and empathetic person but just want to disabuse you of the 'Boston/Cambridge underbelly' idea; that section of Cambridge (like much of Cambridge) is lovely.
1
@Pamela H , Affleck's upbringing is solidly middle-class. His mother is Harvard-educated, and he went to high school basically in Harvard Square, hardly the underbelly of anything except for sushi tuna.
So ok, since we know there’s always a reason behind these ‘reveal all’ stories, when’s the movie starring Honest Ben coming out?
13
What about Weinstein? Did you get a chance to ask him about his years of covering up for Harvey?
16
@Ben, see the paragraph about halfway through that begins "Growing up in Massachusetts . . . " for Affleck's response when asked about Weinstein.
@Ben Everyone was afraid of Weinstein, and everyone covered for him. Power corrupts, and scares everyone involved.
3
ehh any guy that bails on Garner is nuts. Period.
26
Maybe she bailed on him?
3
For an alcoholic, alcohol is number one, the most important thing - whether you’re married to Jennifer Garner or not.
9
@Nate She is beyond lovely.
3
When I saw a movie Argo, I knew only he could pull it off.
7
@Ahtizaz Gani Argo? Not close to being factually correct.. all fantasy do a little research. Ken Taylor the Canadian Ambassador deserves the credit not some fictionalized CIA agent who was in country for 1.5 days
1
Unless you have witnessed a family member or members with strong addiction history and all the baggage / disruption it brings to life you should never be in any way shape or form judge mental in how they recover how many times they attempt or how they try to make amends
234
If I remember correctly, he also groped Annamarie Tendler (John Mulaney’s wife) at an awards ceremony. These incidents are prob just tips of the iceberg, since most are afraid to speak out. Mr. Affleck’s movies, and those of his equally woman-disrespecting brother, are a no-go for me.
35
Unless you have witnessed a family member or members with strong addiction history and all the baggage / disruption it brings to life you should never be in any way shape or form judge mental in how they recover how many times they attempt or how they try to make amends
9
As one alcoholic to another: Ben, I believe in you. I think honesty is the most important ingredient and you seem to be working that. Welcome back to the best club in town.
25
I'm a person who feels alcohol is as bad or even worse than heroin. Addictive, deadly, much more collateral damage - number one date rape drug, fights, murders, drunk drivers wipe whole families, medical horror shows, on and on. I lost a brother to it - he couldn't stop drinking, despite a lot of help.
Ben Affleck's story is important for 2 reasons. One, his complete honesty is so refreshing. Two, he is such a great example for other people. As with all drug addictions - it is not the end. Get help, you can get over it. We need you.
18
Very nicely written piece, just wish Mr. Barnes hadn't felt the need to start out with a bragging paragraph criticizing other writers' celebrity profiles. And about that pictured brightly colored dragon tattoo covering Ben's entire back being "not nearly as garish in person"? OK.... While the interview is a necessity to promote his new movie, Ben is exceptionally articulate and candid. Like other commenters here, truly wishing him the best in all.
12
You know that ad?
The one about the most interesting man in the world?
The one that sold Dos Equis beer.
Bel Affleck is the exact opposite of that guy.
15
Nice piece. The guy's not perfect but he seems like a genuine guy, one who is owning up to his issues. Am wishing Affleck all the best on his road back.
31
Wishing Mr. Affleck all the success in the world both personally and professionally. This article was a refreshing change of pace. We all have things we struggle with and it was nice to see someone so open and honest. Best of luck.
12
I saw Live By Night. I thought it had beautiful performances, a haunting story, and it did not deserve to be panned by critics. Sometimes you just have to ignore the critics, and take a risk.
3
Thank you for letting us know the reasons behind Mr. Affleck's troubles. I wish him peace of mind. (I also hope he's found/will find an excellent therapist.)
6
I thought that his acting in Hollywoodland was also of this sort and very good. It seemed at the time to be personal as well, and I liked his choice in presenting it. I'm a fan.
3
Relapse isn't embarrassing. Certain behaviors during may be. But please, PLEASE, Mr. Affleck, keep making art that helps those of us struggling with recovery (for whatever reason), as long as it isn't as the expense of your own health.
(FWIW, "Good Will Hunting" and "The Town" changed my life. I am grateful to him for that work.)
12
I know the defeat and pain that goes with alcoholism. My father died from it and my son did his last stint in rehab with Affleck. When Ben relapsed it was terrifying because you know that the beast has control. After 30 years of alcoholism my son finally achieved two continuous years of sobriety. There is hope but there is no guarantee. Honesty about your life and the pain that has been visited upon you and your loved ones is the only way out. I am rooting for you Ben.
26
Bottomline is that we are all human. Money allows access to better care, but recovery is an equalizer. Success professionally does not equal success personally without a solid and honest support system. And the willingness to listen and be listened too by someone trust worthy. Whatever works for the individual and their family and friends is the path. One size does not fit all. But willingness is essential.
10
One note to all readers, please don't give any credit to Alcoholics Anonymous, all scientific peer reviewed studies show it has a dismal track record. Treating addiction with twelve step programs is not only medical malpractice it is morally abhorrent.
10
My father stayed sober for the last 42 years of his life with AA. I don’t guess there is one method that will work for everyone.
53
I wish people wouldn't use articles like this as springboards for lectures about AA.
26
Please provide us with citations to the peer reviewed literature that you claim proves AA’s track record is abysmal? And, if AA is not a solution for desperate alcoholics, what do you suggest?
31
Wish you luck Ben and thank you for sharing something so personal. Having someone who is rich and famous come forward and share their addiction helps others to realize they aren't alone.
And remember never quit quitting. (I have a weight issue and so embarrassing to lose weight and gain again that it makes you want to just give up but as a friend said never quit quitting.)
81
@lisa, what a thoughtful comment! Best wishes to you.
28
One of my all time favorite actors. I'm pullin' for you Ben!
15
I don't know of he reads these comments - you're not alone. None of this is unique. What is unique is your circumstances, you're living it all in the public eye.
Get a good, authentic community around you. That's probably another challenge, however, given the circles you walk in.
10
Maybe, if Affleck wasn’t required to promote the movies he’s in this year, it would be better to not talk with the press and just let each day demonstrate his progress.
Makes me nervous that he feels compelled to talk about what he’s learned, when clearly it’s all still new and fresh. Wish Hollywood could give its stars a break when they need to stay under the radar and heal, not push them out too early.
193
@Suzanne “Give the stars a break,” really? Affleck, is far from problem free, but he has people rushing up to him every day telling him how great he is. He’s a movie star. How lucky is that? The only lesson here is that no matter how fortunate you are, you can still be self destructive. That’s the real purpose of celebrity, they have all the problems the rest of us have.
2
@Suzanne: His struggles with alcohol and the recovery process is not new to him. Did you not read the article? He went to rehab in 2001 for the first time. Talking about your disease and how it has negatively impacted you and your loved ones helps reduce the shame and guilt factors that keeps people from getting sober in the first place. It takes a brave person to continually admit their failings and relapses, but keep persisting through to finally find sobriety. There is no shame in him admitting that it's a struggle and a life long one at that. It wasn't that long ago when cancer was considered a shameful secret to be kept private. Thank God it's not like that anymore.
@Sheila I read the article. You read my comment through your lens.
I don't think there's any shame or any problem for anyone to admit they are struggling. I felt that Affleck's sharing was raw and might be premature, forced by the timing of a movie release, not what's best for him. The entertainment industry - and readers - are ravenous for such details, whether timing is good for him or not. We don't need to know now or ever, frankly. He does not owe me his mental health.
2
I like him as an actor but better as a director. I’ve liked all the films he directed, even the commercially unsuccessful ones. His debut, Gone Baby Gone starring his brother, was terrific. Hang in there Ben.
44
@AnneEdinburgh: I agree. I bet he'd be happier if he would stick to directing, too.
4
Well, he's truly the only great actor to live since Al Pacino and Robert De Niro were in their prime. There simply are no other living legends in his age group, unfortunately. "Argo" easily could have been a Francis Ford Coppola masterpiece from the '70s.
6
@Eric
Hilarious!
9
I know from many years of personal and professional experience that getting over or getting beyond shame, or moving on" sadly does not work and I feel a lot of uneasiness for Affleck if he continues to believe such things are possible. The only way to find peace is, counter-intuitive though it may sound, to sit with and experience one's shame. Suffer it and then you will discover that it subsides and you can get back to good-quality thinking. Where we all get into trouble is countering shame, running from, over or around it. I hope Affleck finds a way to do that.
23
Maybe he already has.. even if not,what works for you isn’t the only way.
7
I'll take him back, but I don't blame Jenn for not taking him back.
18
Ben Affleck has always been a good actor. He has any number of memorable roles to his credit. He's also a pretty good director; "Argo" won Best Picture in 2012.
I don't believe his bouts with alcoholism have dimmed his star power; if anything, he's simply suffered at the hands of subpar material. Also, the kind of movies he's in aren't box office draws anymore.
Think he recognized that, which is why he got involved with Batman and whatnot. It'll be his time again. Maybe next month, maybe next year. But yeah, it will happen.
3
Affleck always seemed to me completely within the normal range of messy/complicated. I don’t think any of the mess overshadowed the fact that he’s very talented. Argo. The Accountant. Many more. I love watching him. He’s smart and has just-right emotional pitch. I hope we get more dramas and indie-esque films from him. I wish him the best.
80
Fame isn’t for everyone, and it looks like it’s taken a toll on Ben Affleck, but I’m glad he’s in recovery, as shaky as it is sometimes, and I wish him continued success as an artist and much happiness as a father and as a person. Anyone who could create a film like “Argo” is a creative soul, and if he focuses his energy in the right places, he will create another masterpiece. Remember why you got into the business to begin with, Ben, and rekindle that spirit, don’t listen to the players, and you’ll be okay. Pain is a great leveler and teacher. So is joy. It’s time for more of that in your life. We are rooting for you!
51
You can't ask for a better way in staying healthy as to be honest and transparent as Mr Affect is in this article. Understanding one's faults and moving on is the only way to heal. Keep it up, live one day at a time, and the world will become brighter for you. God bless you.
15
The celebrity addiction confessions are a little self indulgent but then they are celebrities and used to outsized attention. In another way though they are useful. Ordinary people who go through this kind of trauma often feel alone and overwhelmed- to know that Ben Affleck has done it, or is doing it, and is willing to open up about it and take the hit to his image possibly makes it less difficult and personally embarrassing. His story also suggests that confronting the problem honestly and somewhat publicly is the best road to a second chance.
26
Bravo, Ben! You are courageous and understand the power of forgiving yourself and forgiving others. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. You have held yourself accountable for past actions, and I wish you all the best.
64
When reading this piece on Mr. Afleck's struggles, it seemed the essence of what was missing was humility. The sort of humility that refrains from detailing the "comeback" titles and his working through his lack of humility through displays of grandiose sorrow and shame. My name is so and so and I am an alcoholic is where one starts every minute of every day, a blessing to know exactly who one is and what the big surrender will mean. My friend once said of me that I was doing a great job controlling my alcoholism. After decades, I knew a bit better. I said, if I ever believe I'm controlling my alcoholism, I'll have fallen into disbelief in who I am fundamentally. Surrender. I do imagine Afleck's being an actor adds difficult dimensions to the honesty and surrender to humility that is required to be one's true self. Playing an alcoholic was risky. Why he still chooses that particular kind of high is a question. Therapy is a place to be vulnerable, not proud.
17
I don’t see the lack of humility you are talking about. I sense an honest man struggling with his shame and regrets, and that’s a hard thing to deal with sober. That’s why we need the steps to heal and forgive ourselves and we need other sober alcoholics to help us through, especially in the beginning. This is a wonderful article. In AA we say we need to “stay on our own side of the street”, meaning don’t judge another’s sobriety or anything else about them. We’re all struggling, doing the best we can. That’s been a blessing to realize. I learned about unconditional love from the people who helped me get sober. Alcoholic or not, we are all flawed, we are human. . Our job is to focus on ourselves and our own recovery and personal growth. God knows we judge ourselves harshly enough. You go Ben!!! Yay!!!
3
I wish celebs also paid attention to the positive fans whom enjoyed their work no matter what the louder negative media/social media tells them or how much money something makes :/
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@Joseph
I bet that kind of unequivocal support would mean a lot to someone, especially when they are doubting themselves. Would it be possible to send a note of support, say through a fan club. Your kind sentiments would be appreciated.
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See "The Accountant" and "The Town", he's Great in both. I'm rooting for him. We all have our problems.
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kudos to the 2nd weirdest ever superhero film,"The Accountant", after number 1,"The Coldest War".
Now that could be a mashup for the ages, if Ben gets back into superhero mode after his confessional period and Bill wants to take on another reconstruction project
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Ben's problem is that he does not know how to handle success and stardom. All he had to do was to look at his best friend, Matt Damon, and learn from him on how to handle success.
Stardom and success are very short lived in Hollywood, if you don't know how to handle them.
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@AIM
You are right that stardom and success can vanish just as quickly as they appear, if one can’t cope with them. They can easily become curses more than blessings.
But reading about Ben Affleck’s upbringing and family history made me think that he was going to have demons to fight no matter what his career; fame multiplied them and raised the stakes for his struggles.
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@AIM There is no "all he has to do". Affleck grew up surrounded by alcohol abuse and mental illness; trauma often accompanies both. I grew up with a father who drank every night until he went to bed to cope with his insecurities and deal with emotions he didn't know how to express. He was much loved by his friends but hardly knew his children. I feel an emptiness with respect to my father that all the therapy and self-knowledge can never fill. Part of me will never feel good enough and will always feel on the verge of being abandoned. All I can do, all Affleck can do, is learn to recognize the feelings and the thoughts that come with them, and find a way to accept them and live in the present instead of avoiding them through compulsive behavior. Always easier said than done.
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@AIM, that is a simplistic view. Affleck's family history hints at hereditary disease and learned coping mechanisms. The brain is complex.
Imitating Matt Damon? Why don't you try it then?
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Being open and honest about addiction and destructive behavior is great but I hope Ben is not using this as an opportunity to seek out public sympathy, jump start his career and sell tickets. Hollywood likes a good redemption story with a happy ending. It still remains to be seen if Ben will get his. I hope he is truly grateful for the second and third chances that his privilege affords him. Many addicts never have this opportunity. I would be more supportive of his come back if he made a sincere commitment to help other addicts. His fame and the platform it affords him should be used to help bring light to the disease that is addiction.
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@Mark Fisher
This is more than kind of judgmental. His life and recovery are his decisions; having them second-guessed is disturbing.
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@Mark Fisher
Well, it would be great if more people could successfully have second acts after addiction. At the same time, please consider that a lot of privileged people never do recover; some lives remain troubled, others are cut short altogether. And by all measures, Ben Affleck is making himself a public example of addiction and recovery.
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@Mark Fisher addiction is an opportunity, not a disease. In fact, human survival is based on it (casein in mother’s milk to encourage suckling). Some people choose to cause the release endorphins to their peril (drugs/non-foods /alcohol). Others use addiction to cause endorphin releases to their benefit via lifestyle, nutrition and exercise. Are these people also diseased? Or just the ones making poor endorphin release choices?
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“ Dogma” was and remains a great dark comedy. I think it was one of his smarter choices. And kudos for just getting up every day. Being a very visible, very vulnerable person must be a daily challenge. Think how much tiny, anonymous set-backs wound the average Joe and you can probably guess how painful it is to blunder spectacularly for all the world to see and ridicule—as if all the while we’re not just struggling to make ourselves feel better about our own shortcomings.
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Good luck. Life is difficult, and having all your personal life difficulties dissected in public can't be fun or make it any easier to handle them.
Mr Affleck seems like a good man, a good human. I hope he continues to make and star in movies and wish him the best.
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@James Your compassionate response warmed my heart James. We need more of that these days.
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I wish him well! Just because he's a celebrity, doesn't mean his private life and affairs are a free for anyone to judge, for no human is without sin.
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@American Abroad actually, it kind of means exactly that. For the tradeoff of being a millionaire for doing some acting and appearing at some events, you can expect your private life to be dissected.
I feel no compassion for Ben Affleck the celebrity. For Ben Affleck the human being, I feel compassion. BUt we're all struggling. What makes him so special? Oh yea, he's in mega movies. And we're not.
We all struggle. I don't remember a NYT article about my depression. Why should there be? I'm not a movie star.
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@American Abroad
If people don't want to be judged they shouldn't give interviews to the NY Times, where people will inevitably do just that.
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@Dave @ZHR
I am sorry, Dave, that you suffer from depression . I do as well. I hope you are surrounded by compassionate and kind accepting people and have privacy when you need and want it. Ben Affleck may have lots of money but he does not have that priceless luxury.
Ben Affleck is a movie star because, on top good fortune, and good looks, he is good at his job -- 'Good Will Hunting' is still one of my favorite movies. His performances have helped me when I have felt depressed and hopeless and for me that is priceless.
Whether he agreed to this interview or not, he will be judged, often cruelly, but this NYT interview may have helped many others, whether or not that was his intention.
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