women don't have to be feminine. men don't have to be masculine. gender stereotypes have held women back for centuries. let people pursue their interests, without coding them pink or blue. little girls can like dinosaurs and still be girls. little boys can like dolls and still be boys.
47
Thank you for this piece! As neither a sociologist nor journalist, just a complex female, I have had the same thoughts. I out ran the neighborhood boys, could be found hanging upside down from tree branches, defended my older brother when he was bullied, but wow, I also loved to dress up sometimes! And play with dolls, but scoffed when girls my age would only talk about their nails, or hair, or were afraid of insects. My father taught me basketball, baseball, tennis and encouraged me to go into medicine when it was a male dominated field. I definitely saw some of myself in literature, TV and movies. I was a female, so assumed all of those character traits were within the definition of female, because it was how I was, and I was accepted. I have wondered if now, when one sees the limited, commercial version of femininity and but does not identify with it, then what?
32
I am sad to see so many posts here against gender identity and in support of the tomboy. I don't have a horse the the race - as a firm supporter of gender identity exploration, my theory is it's all about no horse in the race. It's all about who the person is.
However, I purport that the movement toward a more positive approach to gender identity has freed up more people to be who they they truly are than the old-school approach: tomboy or girly-girl.
4
You've forgotten Scout, otherwise known as Miss Jean Louise, in Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mockingbird." While this work is of course famous for its depiction of Scout's father, Atticus, fighting racism, Scout contends with what she refers to as the "pink penitentiary walls" closing in on her throughout the novel. Her always-tolerant father accepts her as is, but her aunt and various other characters attempt to force her on to the path of proper Southern ladyhood, while her brother, on the other side, complains if she "acts like a girl" (always associated with weakness or emotionalism). Yet Scout remains an independent, insightful character with the surprising power to influence events (considering her tender age).
47
I think gender-nonconforming is the new word for tomboy while also including femme boys. We do need more kids in these roles on the screen.
If you like anime, there's a wonderful new anime about creating anime called Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken. It's about three girls who form a club to create anime and two out of the three are not pretty. Two are obsessed with making anime and the third is obsessed with making money. There are five episodes so far and while they talk to boys they never talk about boys. Instead they talk about how to draw wind or how to make a giant robot make sense or the realities that you have to sleep more than two hours a week, so you can't actually hand-draw all your anime. It's really good.
Here's a link to a two minutish discussion of wind: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hj7sZlNQB7w
5
I don't know where most of the people are posting are from, but they claim to be from communities where adults immediately need to label every action as "male" or "female".
Where I live, where people are progressive, girls can love sports, wear only jeans and t shirts and no make-up, and adults aren't immediately rushing to label her as "transgender" or "gay". They believe she is a GIRL. Not a "tomboy", which is a phrase meant to imply that wanting to wear jeans and no make-up is not acting like girl.
Guess what? Not wanting to wear make-up means you are just as much of a girl as wanting to wear make-up! Liking sports means you are just as much of a girl as not liking sports. Maybe in right wing conservative communities people believe that every girl who likes sports must be given a label of "tomboy" to make it seem like she is more boy than girl.
There are transgender children but it has nothing to do with wanting to wear or not wear make-up and dresses or liking sports. And it is clear that so many of the people commenting have never known a transgender child and make the truly absurd claim that parents are forcing all girls who like sports or don't like to wear make-up to identify as boys instead of girls! What a load of nonsense.
If anyone is forcing this, it is the people who keep defending the idea that any girl who likes sports must be called a "tomboy" because that means the girl is not a "real" girl but is part boy.
35
I was a tomboy growing up. I’d go fishing with my dad, play with toy guns and trucks as well as dolls, watch western movies in awe dreaming of being a cowboy, and ride horses. Later, a teenager, i’d wear my dad and grandfathers’ coats or jackets, and a tie with a white shirt. It didn’t matter that they were too big for me. My parents never questioned my style or choice of activities. I somehow sensed that they didn’t value a girly girl and that what mattered to my mom was rather that I’d be intelligent and independent. This was in the seventies and eighties. We now seem to be rediscovering that there are many models of femininity. Not sure what happened between the eighties and now that we had lost this freedom of choosing who we want to be...
21
What a hollow cry in a 'culture' that hails Ms. Kardashian supreme (who came to fame as Paris Hilton's chamber maid, no less)!
6
I was a Tomboy in the 1950's. I loved trying to best the boys. I think it arose in the years after WWII when the image of "Rosie the Riveter" was still fresh in our minds, and the courageous women who took to the factories while their men went to war. I climbed trees, hunted deer with my father with a bow and arrow, and for a demonstration in speech class in high school, took a rifle to school (yes, no one gave it a thought-no bullets of course), and showed th.e class how to clean a gun. I thought it was pretty cool being a Tomboy, but I also enjoyed my feminine side as well. I'm 78 and still hike and bring in wood for the fireplace, but you'll find I can put on earrings, a little lipstick, a swishy dress and still feel very womanly
We need Tomboys today; girls who can embrace the adventurous side of their personality without giving up their right to be fully a woman.
28
THIS IS HORRIFYING:
"When I bought a kids’ edition of the Kindle Fire in 2017, it forced me to select a gender for my child, and then edited out almost anything “masculine” (apps, videos and books about sports or adventure) if I chose “girl,” and anything “feminine” (princesses, fairy tales, flowers) if I selected “boy.” "
Just - no.
Thanks for this article.
46
Growing up in the 50's into the 60's, I saw the tomboy as the girl who refused to be put in a frilly box, a person who insisted that she could do the interesting things that were then in the male domain, as well as anything in the female domain, and wear what she was comfortable wearing, and what suited the activity.
She was never silly, and never pretended to be meek or helpless ; she could be Nancy Drew, or Jo March. She had ideas about what she wanted to do as an adult beyond getting married.
She had what we now call agency : she could make things happen, not just wait for the prince to show up to save her from boredom.
23
I’m 60 and I’m still a tomboy. I think our biggest strength is our fearlessness. I used to hate to get called sir, but now I shrug it off and smile. And I do fashion like a black woman athlete would. I still sometimes feel like the girl in West Side Story that hung with the gang. I have realized in life the guys will only let you get so far, and then it’s back to boys’ club.
10
I was a tomboy growing up in the 70s and 80s, preferred computers and science to makeup and ballet, and took my fashion cues from men instead of women. Unlike many tomboys, I was terribly uncoordinated and therefore not into sports very much, so I found it more difficult to find role models, but there were always Harriet the Spy and Murphy Brown.
Even back then, there were the usual whispers of "lesbian" from peers and adults, combined with the reassurances to my parents that "well, so-and-so was like that but turned out completely normal" ("normal" meaning, married to a man, in a wedding dress, afterwards with children). Even fictional tomboys like Harriet the Spy had a distressing tendency to find their femininity and "end up normal" by the end of the story, as if that was the only acceptable solution.
I'm not sure that I see a dearth of tomboys today. There are more lesbians than back in the day, which is a good thing because being attracted to girls is now an acceptable alternative. The assumption was always there, anyway.
That there is more awareness of gender nonconformity is also more positive than negative. When I was young, the usual response to my dysphoria was to "help me become more feminine". The first time I saw a transman who had transitioned, I was filled with raw envy. I'm too old to transition now, but would have loved to have felt that there were more options when I was younger.
11
Great article. I prefer terms like "athletic girl" and "adventurous girl" over "tomboy." "Tomboy" once again puts too much emphasis on boys and men. Girls can love and excel at sports, lift weights, fix machines, etc and be 100% girl. Nothing "boy" about them. We do need those girls and women in our media.
I am an even bigger fan of the terms "adventurous kid" and "athletic kid." Also I don't like the term "girly girl." Instead I prefer describing a kid's interests, such as "They like sparkles and frills." Really, anyone can like sparkles or frills. Also anyone can be susceptible to marketers who want you to think pink is not just another color of the rainbow that is for everyone.
17
For all who called JLo's halftime booty shaking empowering: what would REALLY have been empowering is seeing a realistic middle aged booty being shaken. I was a tomboy and because I wasn't also "pretty" it was assumed I was a lesbian. Face it, even in 2020, beautiful women can be masculine more so than average looking women.
17
I was a tomboy; it certainly helped that I was the second oldest with five brothers. Fortunately my parents never enforced a specific gender stereotype. I was the best athlete in my family and they lauded and fostered my athletic talent.
I've tried to inculcate the same mindset in my daughters and yet.... the cultural imposition of gender expectations is a mighty force. The glorification of super thin figures,the relentless ads about beauty products, the endless messages that women need a man is hard to escape. I constantly remind my daughters that companies market to their insecurities and they have to be constantly vigilant. Hopefully they will internalize our message that they are the arbiters of their destinations, not others.
6
It is creepy to me, all of these articles where it feels like the writer is trying to socially engineer the world according to her tastes. I understand defending tomboys, and I agree and like a lot of tomboyish women (characters or otherwise).
But the way that this writer hypothesizes and fantasizes about adding in a person who is queer here, or trans there, with a dash of goofy clothes on top with some uncommon coloring, so that all the sheeple will come to an enlightened understanding that there is literally an infinite number of self-expressions, all equally valid according to some unknown metric of which I assume she is privy, goes well beyond defending a trope as the title suggests.
11
You're going to bring up Billie Eilish without talking about how her aesthetic is entirely pulled from the 90s hiphop fashion of black women? Come on! Let's get it together.
8
Since my late teens (I'm now 58), one of my biggest idols and role models has been Patti Smith. As far as I can tell, all the hand wringing about and societal pressure to conform to one identity or another has never been a consideration for her. If she wants to stomp around in Doc Martens and a watch cap and a beat-up coat, makeup-free, she does it. If she's in the mood to buy some fancy overpriced lingerie in an Paris boutique, or model gowns for the Times, she does it (that used to annoy me until I realized that the point is that she couldn't care less if she's annoying me or anyone else--she's just being Patti Smith, however that manifests itself at the moment).
Now in her 70's, she continues to be who she is on her own terms, and is perhaps now my role-model more than ever as I get older. If I feel like wearing makeup and long, sparkly earring and a pretty little dress, I do. And if I feel like stomping around in my biker jacket and some jeans, I do. I think I probably would have been like that even if I'd never heard of Patti, but it's nice to see someone whose main focus is her art and the things she's passionate about, rather than someone who worries what the current trends might make an older rock star/poet/memoirist/activist think she should look and act like.
21
People interested in girls and women in media will be interested in the Geena Davis Institute: https://seejane.org/
She was just honored by the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences with the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award for her work.
7
What can you say when half of America goes hungry every night or sleeps in the streets. We are having a discussion about being a tomboy? yes there is room for every discussions however is it possible to not keep harping on the body images of white girls and there needs, wants etc. It is tiring and .
The b movie actress from the Hallmark station Aunt Becky perfect white family had her white daughters doing all kinds of physical activities in order to get scholarships, and guess what they were accepted into great schools so please we are so over it.
Its up to the parents to create a environment that brings out the best in their children just like minorities talk to their kids about the dangers of white police officers.
2
80s rocker women were also an inspiration to this Gen Ex'er: Pat Benetar, Chrissy Hynde, Debbie Harry, early and late Madonna, the Bangles, the Gogos, Joan Jett...These women were strong, forceful, out there, and real!! Great role models. Today's ultra femme, ultra packaged female singers don't do it for me. Joan Jett singing the MTM theme song "Who can turn the world on with a smile..." with her deep voice. Perfect.
12
I have always loved tomboys. That rough and tumble persona as a child turns into a can-do attitude as a woman. Minnesota seems to raise tomboys way out of proportion to it's population. Keep the frilly primpers with "can't do much because of my nails" excuses on the coasts.
6
from 1969 to 2001 Lady Elaine Fairchild & Lady Aberlin were quintessential tomboys in numerous segments of the Neighborhood. maybe you didn't notice.
When I watch my 3 year old granddaughter ski down a mountain behind her older brother, wearing a disney princess dress on over her ski garb....I think to myself...yea, that girl is going to be alright.
10
I think it would be helpful if we did not sort traits into “masculine” and “feminine” boxes, and simply categorized all traits as “human.” Being courageous and passionate, nurturing and strong, leading and creating, reasoning and being supportive are not gendered qualities, but when we talk or write about them as if they were, they become set in stone. Talk about opposites if you will—courage/cowardice; strong/weak; leader/follower—but all of these are human qualities, so if we could, let’s just stop using the shorthand “masculine/feminine” and dig deeper into how these human traits are expressed in individuals.
13
In the 70's I had membership in the Christy McNichol fan club. I've always swooned over true Tomboys and still do.
3
Can we just call them GIRLS. I think we were way less gendered as kids in the 70s and early 80s.
I was a tomboy. But no, i was not, i was me. Just me, a girl, who liked to play in the forest and make forts, who climbed fences and rooftops w the boys in brooklyn.
Why are we something different? i fear this whole gendering of kids is super misguided. What six year old is so certain they are a boy in a girls body? why cant we just BE. Why even label oneself this way.
Even my friend, who is a feminist, genders my dog bc she is the best athlete at the dog park!!! UGH!!!
26
I did a TED talk about this - Those commenting might find it extremely relevant, especially if you're parenting or mentoring young people. https://www.ted.com/talks/jamie_skerski_tomboys_and_gender_rebellion
Ummm what!? Have you heard of Missy Elliot? Left-eye from TLC? Rapsody? Queen Latifah? Teyana Taylor?? And on and on??
Are black women not included in this conversation? I'm confused. See: "The Rain" music video by Missy Elliot. Ironically, one of her outfits in the video inspired that Jacket Billie Eilish is wearing.
20
I was, am and always will be a tomboy. (Boomer here.) I don't want to be a boy, but I resent being a girl. Because guys just got to do cooler stuff, and so much of girlie-hood is defined by what the guys think. Fortunately, I had parents who encouraged my interests - erector sets(!), Lego, science(!) and math(!), and never said I couldn't compete against anyone. I can do the killer dress to impress "chick" look (although make-up is still pretty much a mystery), but most times I prefer to just be me.
9
Ms. Davis, you're looking at this the wrong way. The fact that Tomboys aren't a "thing" anymore is because it is unremarkable to see a girl interested in sports, or eschewing high heels and nail polish. The label "tomboy" existed because it was novel for a girl to do those things. This is great!
I also embrace that tomboys and girly-girls no longer are exclusive. You can love sports and dresses at the same time. Or not. But whether you like sports, or dresses, or both, or neither, that no longer defines you as a girl.
Moreover, I suspect our openness to non-binary, transgender, and non-heterosexual labels covers some (but not all) of what tomboys used to represent. They couldn't really depict a lesbian or transgender person in an 80s sitcom, and I think tomboys were sometimes used as a stand-in.
9
The only problem with Jo was that her hair was too long. As my wife says, long hair gets in her way when she is trying to do things. When I met my wife she had just moved to Colorado from the east coast and snow-shoed up to 12,000 feet in January to spend her first weekend in a snow cave. She maintained and rode a motorcycle, shot a .45 in a combat pistol league and worked as a land surveyor. All good recommendations in my estimation. 27 years, 3 kids and 2 graduate engineering degrees later, we still hold hands walking down the street.
9
Jo March as depicted in the gerwig film was definitely not a tomboy. as far as i could tell she was not given over to athleticism and physical toughness which are the hallmarks of a tomboy. she was a feminist of which tomboys may or may not be a subset. it seems to me that tomboys have been replaced by lesbians in popular culture. this is not necessarily a victory for women over all.
8
When I saw "Some kind of Wonderful," the 31 y/o man was transfixed by Watts. I would have loved to have had her as my friend as I struggled in my adolescence.
Sure, girls need images and examples like "tomboys" but a lot of boys are helped along by them too.
So I heartily agree, we need more tomboys, but we also need more gentle feminine boy imagery too.
4
I’m troubled by the term “tomboy” and its connotations. It suggests “boy” is somehow preferable to girl, and that keeping up with boys in sports, tech, mechanics, even clothing makes for a superior child.
There’s a boasting quality from self-described “tomboys” that detracts from progress toward gender equality. Labels contribute nothing. Let’s leave them behind.
7
I virtually came out of the womb a tomboy, thrashing whenever someone tried to put a dress on me even before I could walk.
Fortunately my mother was a like-minded firebrand feminist and she was delighted to have a daughter she wasnt going to have to try to keep in frilly pink dresses. In 1966, on my first day in an elementary school here in Austin, however, the principal sent me home for my "inappropriate attire" of brand new Sears brand boy's jeans (with patches already ironed over the knees). An hour later, Mom stormed his office and I guess he got straightened out on that, and I never was sent home early again. Soon after she got on the local PTA board and pushed thru new dress code rules for the whole school grades 1 thru 12 that allowed girls, for the first time, to come to school in trousers.
24
And I thank you and your mother!! I was born in 1969, attending elementary school in Austin, and wore the same Sears jeans, and I was never sent home or reprimanded for wearing them. My fight was to not get paddled when I got in trouble- I was the only kid in my class they were not allowed to touch. We’ve come a long way, baby!
7
Amazing - 1966! In my Bay Area northern California suburb, trousers of any kind were absolutely verboten in public school until the 70's.
7
@Sush zzzThanks to all for these replies. To clarify, My mother, who was from Chicago (the granddaughter of a proud suffrage), she thought stepped back to the Victorian age when I got sent home from elementary school that day. Seems it took a vocal (German!) yankee feminist to put things right in Austin w/regard to pants for school girls (as defined in politer terms in those rules, "Trousers").
4
Must we politicize EVERYTHING? Including the fact that some girls (yes, I said "girls") like to climb trees and spend their days in the woods. I did that in the 50-60s, and when people said I was a "tomboy" I thought that was a plus! It added to who I was, in a good way. Guess it might be too late for that now.
4
Try this on: grown women calling themselves "girls"' publishers putting out novels about women with "girl" in the title; The last time "girl" was used with respect for women was in Ntozake Shange's "for colored girls who have considered suicide / when the rainbow is enuf"
Language is politics - we "girls" create our own oppression.
3
NO! BOOOOO! Powerful, strong girls are GIRLS and should not be measured against boys in language (TomBOY) or action. I can't tell you how much I hate this term, and the author's attempt to resuscitate it. BOOOOOO!
5
I'm more than happy to blame Disney and other media and toy providers, but I think the problem is deeper and harder to get at. In my opinion, the toughest issue for girls (and women) is "do I want to be myself, 100%, or do I want to be attractive to boys/men?" Sadly, choosing the former will in most cases severely limit the pool of males showing interest in you. I think one of the greatest things about lesbians is that most of them seem to be comfortable being themselves while most hetero females are stuck trying to strike a balance between what we want to be and what attracts the opposite sex. I don't know the answer, but I do think this is the crux of the entire problem. One thing you'll notice about all those famous tomboys: they rarely cared about male (sexual) attention.
9
Yes, by being herself 100 percent of the time a woman may limit the number of men who find her attractive....thereby saving herself the time and grief involved in figuring out which men actually like her and which men like only her appearance.
9
All girl high schools are great for girls because they learn to have a big mouth and win at sports. They allow girls to be themselves.
2
I think it's terrible to talk about Billie Eilish without noting that her fashion is inspired by black female artists of the 90s and early 00s (Missy Eliott anyone?). Princess Nokia was wearing baggy clothes and released a song called "tomboy" several years before Billie Eilish's rapid ascent in the music industry. I feel that the erasure of black women in reference to Eilish's style sends a bad message. Black women have often been at the forefront of important gender movements and they deserve credit here too.
12
I was a tomboy in the 90's. I was the girl who was climbing trees and running through the woods with the boys in my neighborhood. I was a bit of a misfit, but I never felt out of place with my guy friends. I hated wearing skirts and dresses. My dad restored Corvettes, so I was always the girl feet hanging out from under cars. I rebuilt my first carburetor at age 7.
I played guitar in bands with the guys when I got older. In high school, I dressed a wee bit girlier, but was still all about my leather moto jacket and combat boots.
What I learned as a tomboy was that, as you get into middle and high school, the girly girls will hate you because the guys like hanging out with you. I was not promiscuous, but was labeled as a slut for a long time--because I had more guy friends than girl friends. No one ever questioned my sexuality.
151
@QueenMerry
Same thing happened to me. I took way more grief for my tomboy attire from my fellow girls than I ever did from the boys.
31
@QueenMerry
You weren't a "tomboy". You were simply a girl. The problem arises when adults insist on labeling all girls who were like you as having "boy" characteristics.
45
Unfortunate that Sears in the 70s didn't also display size conversion charts so that boys could shop more easily in the girls' section.
5
It is disturbing how the corduroy slacks I have seem boyish, whereas they didn't ten years ago. As consumers we are truly victims of this marketing. Consider how ten years ago my middle-aged ex-boyfriend decided to become a yacht broker and expressed the need to get a nicer car to take out clients. The Honda Accord LE he got in 2010 must have been outdated pretty quick; I'm sure convention now says it could only be an SUV for the business crowd. Talk about regulations.
2
I grew up on a farm in the 1940s and 50s, went to a small town high school in the south. I loved that I could outrun the boys, at least until about 7th grade. I loved climbing in the hay loft at the barn, jumping onto the straw pile on the ground. Loved scampering all over the 640 acre farm, climbing trees. I learned to drive using my dad's tractor; I was 12.
But I also loved pretty dresses for parties and church, loved having my hair just right, started wearing makeup at age 14 or so. I took care of the yard at my house in town after I married my doctor husband, and I dressed 'fit to kill' during that period. I still do a lot of both, and I'm past 80.
So what does that make me? I still love to do my own work outdoors, masculine; and I still love to get dressed fit to kill sometimes, feminine. I don't think the Disney princesses helped us much.
14
One of my sisters was a tomboy. She and my brother and I played football and baseball with the neighbor kids and she was tough if not tougher than any of them.
She got in trouble a couple of times in grade school. Some boy would pick on her and she would hit him in the solar plexus like our grandfather taught us.
My mom had to go up to school a few times to defend her, but it usually was not that hard. The principal had to face the fact that she had beat up a kid bigger than her, and supposedly because he was male, was tougher than her and she was only defending herself.
She is still a very happy and content tomboy. She married a guy that appreciates her strength. They are farmers.
8
Isn't this kind of thinking the root of the problem: "It was an understandable counter to the somewhat limiting message of the earlier tomboy era, which implied that while masculinity was good for boys and girls, femininity was bad for both. But it also edged out a certain kind of acceptable masculinity in young girls, and came with its own confinements — namely the idea that girls could be strong, so long as they were also pretty."
Assuming that not conforming to conventional (for some) gender norms is, then, adhering to the other one, is a false dichotomy. It's understandable that generalizations and stereotypes succumb to such simplicity, but there's no excuse for it in analyses in a paper like the NYT.
Was it really "implied" that femininity was bad for males and females or, rather that these characterizations demonstrated that being treated as girls conventionally had been was limiting and frustrating for many?
Expressing femininity is, indeed, "bad" for males in the sense that it can evoke violent maintenance of gender norms, among other things. But, even here, the author needs to parse language more precisely.
2
I am so thankful that my parents let me be myself when I was a child in the 50s and 60s. I was seriously not into dresses and, like Scout in Mockingbird, was into my brother's handmedowns as soon as I got home from school. We really played hard out there in the neighborhood; climbed trees (also roofs), rode bikes, explored, invented games, somehow knew age old games already, and had a great time. I remember being about 8 and climbing over a fence between yards, (part of the neighborhood"pathway)", and thinking, you know it just doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl, you're a person! I was sort of genderless during that latency time.
I grew up identifying female and happily married and had kids. Just so glad Mom didn't force me to be a princess back then, and I can't imagine it's pleasant now; what's the difference in time and place? Girls still gotta climb trees.
7
To the larger point, bring back butch lesbians while you're at it. Speaking as a girly lesban, gender reassignment seems to be extinguishing a much-beloved group of women who've somehow decided it's better to be a dude.
36
Kids don't sit and watch TV anymore except for the very young ones. Look to social media, including Youtube and Instagram, and you'll find a wide variety of social influencers. The thing I admire about Billie Eilish is that she's actually famous for being skilled at what she does, and it's clear she is dedicated and hard-working (alongside her brother)--traits I'd be happy to have my kids emulate. A lot of these other influencers--I really have no idea why they're famous.
4
Let’s have feminine boys and masculine girls amid the varied depictions of gender identities and presentations.
Really? Do the 53% of white women who voted for Trump feel that way?
Progressives control the culture in our country, and conservatives control the government. This may have been fine in the past where things were more or less balanced.
However, the government is fracturing into an authoritarian, non-swastika wearing version of Germany's NSDAP. If a tipping point is reached it becomes irreversible and then 1000's of movies will be made about us, were we are the villain in every battle, just like we've condescendingly made 1000's of movies about Germany without thinking for a second how easy it is to descend into fascism.
It's been my experience that most heterosexual women do not like feminine men. And I think most men like pretty, feminine women. Your trivialization of over a 100,000 years of human evolution is startling.
Lastly, the best tomboy from the 80's was Megan Follows in Anne of Green Gables. She didn't take any crap from anyone and she could beat the boys at anything including earning scholarships where she becomes a writer and a teacher, not because of some oppressive force, but because that is exactly what she wants to do with her life. She was strong-willed, intelligent and feminine. These aren't mutually exclusive.
16
Anyone who watched 'Game of Thrones' will surely agree that Arya Stark was a magnificent example of a tomboy.
11
I've been wondering lately if the apparenlty sudden wide spread of trandgender young people might in part be in rebellion against the extreme narrowing of gender definitions in our time. I agree. Tomboys are missing. I'm testing a theory here, but it feels to me like it's almost more acceptable to be trans than to be nonconforming and remain in ones own gender.
43
Great article. Another famous tomboy in America cinema was girl wannabe member of the street gang, The Jets, in West Side Story.
2
My parents thought it was demeaning when other people referred to me as a tomboy, but I definitely fit the mold growing up in the 1990s-mid aughts. I think my childhood spanned the transition towards hyper gendered toys, clothes, and entertainment after more neutral/mixed stuff in the 1970s-1990s. My big influences were Idgie Threadgoode from Fried Green Tomatoes (Mary Stuart Masterson "tomboying it up" real hard!), "A League of Their Own," and The Indigo Girls. I think one later-stage tomboy that extended into the '90s but wasn't mentioned here is Kristy from the Baby Sitters' Club books. And there are some other examples that loomed large for girls I knew--Christina Ricci's character in "Now and Then," Darlene on "Roseanne," and Anna Chlumsky in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain." But they were definitely harder and harder to come by. I think the assumption that these characters were queer or encouraged queerness in children was an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) fear of many parents by the 1990s-2000s that was maybe less prominent earlier.
3
When I was growing up in the 50s and 60s there were tomboys in the neighborhood and at school. We played, studied and hung out together and nobody thought anything of it. At college we played pickup sports at the gym with the "girl jocks" (their term). Equals and friends with different reproductive roles, as well as self defined social roles. Nobody thought anything of it.
When my kids were young I'd tell them to find themselves and be themselves, and would at times borrow Richard Feynman's line, "What do you care what other people think?" Obviously there's a difference between right and wrong, but you get the picture.
So bring back the tomboy. If it was good enough then, it's good enough now. Plus, we can always use another female to play ball with, or study with, or be our physician, physicist or president. Find yourself and be yourself. "What do you care what other people think?"
3
"Paper Moon" is still one of my favorite movies and mainly because of Addie Loggins. The female characters made that movie - Addie, Madelaine Kahn as "Trixie" and P.J.Johnson as "Imogene".
3
I remember buying toothpaste for my daughter when she was about 7. The display featured tubes of mint flavored toothpaste decorated with male superheroes and also a bubble gum flavor with Elsa or whoever it was from Disney's Frozen. She burst into tears in the middle of Target because she liked mint and hated bubble gum and didn't see a way to be a girl who liked mint. It got me thinking about how many traits we weirdly assign to a particular gender and the angst we create in young kids, like my daughter, when we force them to choose between a trait and a gender. It seems logical that if we rigidly assign traits some children will come to identify with the gender more closely aligned with the traits that most resonate, even if that's not the gender assigned at birth. I wasn't a tomboy but I loved the norms they broke and the way they could be girls while opting out of so many of the pursuits and attitudes I thought of as feminine. It opened the door for me to pick and choose who I wanted to be.
6
Media responds to consumer taste, not the other way around. You might have had a case in the days of three networks, but not in the age of cable and streaming.
Remember, they're in it to make money, not shape social mores.
If the "tomboy" has disappeared, consumers wanted it to disappear.
Social critics spend far too much time shooting the messenger instead of understanding the message.
2
@OneView Corporations both attempt to respond to AND shape and create markets.
No market responds purely to the consumer. They need to get the consumer to respond to them and convince the consumer that this product is something necessary. They create markets.
8
“Media respond to consumer taste, not the other way around.”
You’re kidding, right?!
10
Interesting piece. I'm a little disappointed however, to find my favorite tomboy, Scout Finch, missing from the discussion.
As a male growing up in the 60s I was fascinated with tomboys. They were universally girls who liked the same things I did, motorcycles, airplanes, camping, hiking - but were still, at the end of the day - girls.
Their interests weren't part of an active rejection of femininity, but a rejection of the straight jacket that came with the time honored tropes that defined what the feminine should be. They didn't try to disguise the fact that they sweated and didn't mind getting dirty when necessary.
But they didn't try to disguise the fact that they were female. The things they did were not for show, or to make a point. They were, simply, who these women were. They, were I think what feminists have long sought - equal.
17
As a Gen Xer, I greatly appreciate this. I feel like the tomboy got swallowed up not only by an increasing trend toward hyper-feminization, in the increasing acceptance of gender fluidity, ironically -- depending where you live, anyway. There's still plenty of homophobia. But, you identify as a lesbian, for example, you have wide latitude to flout gender norms, whatever they are. Meanwhile, the category of heterosexual, non-gender conforming woman seems to have exited stage left. As long as you identify as heterosexual, all socially-mandated rules of femininity apply. As we continue to healthily accept and examine the possibilities of gender and gender identity, I hope we can remember for everyone that the identity of human precedes gender, and people should be free to be who they are. Which means having whatever interests we have, dressing however we feel comfortable and defining ourselves rather than being defined.
Also I am horrified to hear of Kindle's gender binary setup for kids. As a kid I was always baffled that I was not allowed to be interested in whatever I was interested in, but had to choose from a narrow category of girls' interests. When I didn't, it was always controversial, even in the '80s. I would have felt very alienated from any electronic device that only offered me princesses and flowers.
7
Thank you for shining a light on this step backwards we've taken into further stratification of gender roles.
I've been a "non gender conforming", aka tomboy, female my whole life. But I always knew, even as a child, that wearing dresses, makeup and heels has nothing to do with being a woman.
I love working outside, fixing things, and not being held back by a notion of gender propriety. Hate makeup, dont wear it. Have never worn heels. And I'm not gay, though people often think I am. (not that there's anything wrong with that!)
Reading the comments here, I feel like I found my people. Would love to invite you all to my house in the country for a summer picnic, with awesome food and plenty of footballs, softballs and frisbees.
27
Growing up in the 70’s, there was an expectation of gender equality. This is not to say it existed but the expectation this was the goal existed despite remaining barriers. As a 50 something couple who raised two girls and two boys including boy girl twins, we worked hard to normalize expectations. Yet, we found that the sexualization of women promoted by the Kharshians and endorsed by many female leaders as a right of expression has made the job harder to create parity. Sandra Day O’Connor, Ruth B Ginsburg, Sheryl Sandberg, Gianni Romnety, Barbara Boxer, etc are the role models that should lauded. Instead, we have pop stars, rappers, and people who somehow “lost” their sex tapes online. Despite their economic success, they demean the accomplishments of other women and promote an unachievable and unwanted path to success.
10
I was also a free range tomboy and was determined to try to raise my kids with that in mind. I’ve ended up with a sweet emphathetic teenager and a rugby playing ‘I’m happiest when I’m scruffy, mummy’ 9 yr old. My son and daughter couldn’t make me prouder, I wish people were more accepting but as I remind them both... you can be who you want to be - or be miserable as what other people want to make you.
3
"To Kill a Mockingbird" 's Scout is another iconic tomboy. How I admired her and Laura Ingalls when I was a young girl!
5
The spirit of this piece is certainly in the right place. However, I find the ultimate analysis troubling ("Let’s have feminine boys and masculine girls amid the varied depictions of gender identities and presentations."). As long as we normalize traditional gender stereotypes and accept that people can identify as the opposite "gender" because of their aesthetic tastes and subjective feelings, we will never see a resurgence of the tomboy in media or life. Under current gender dogma, non-conforming young women (and men) are being told that if they do not adhere to traditional gender based likes/dislikes then they are likely "trans" and were really meant to be of the opposite sex.
Until we accept that sex is NOT a mutable characteristic and abolish the concept of sex based gender stereotypes entirely, we can say goodbye to the tomboy forever. Gender non-conforming girls should be encouraged to express themselves outside of mainstream femininity and still be regarded as girls, not told that they are probably meant to be boys and in "in the wrong body."
33
@RGB
Brilliantly stated.
8
I was a tomboy growing up and feel that having had that time and space as a child, preteen and even teenager to develop into myself as an individual, rather than a commodity, enhanced my life at the time and has grounded me as I lean into middle age and find the process much easier, enjoyable, and graceful than my hyper-feminized peers.
The one thing that I've noticed my entire life is that a lack of interest and even oblivion to the mandates and expectations of living in a society of hyper-feminization is that people make incorrect assumptions about my sexuality. In the minds of most (even the most liberal minded) the lack of gender performance in women is synonymous with being a lesbian.
To me this signifies how pathologically addicted we are as as society to assigning labels and boxing women into easily recognizable and dismissable categories and that a long list of labels must be applied before we are recognized as human beings with interests, passions, and motivations of our own.
6
I was a tomboy in the 70s. I felt normal and comfortable that way. I hated playing with dolls and Barbies, preferring to run, climb, ride bikes and just be me. Girlie things bored me most of the time. Kindergarten was when I first realized I couldn’t be who I was and that I was less-than as a girl. I was forbidden to play on the boys’ side of the play area (yes, it was actually segregated), first being told this (yelled at) by the boys and then by the teacher when I went to complain. I was sent home that day because I couldn’t stop crying for the injustice of it. My mother was furious. With me. The older I became, the more I was told by virtually every adult that I wasn’t okay the way I was. They would tsk and show their disapproval and even disdain with their expression, tone, and words. I eventually stopped fighting it and conformed. I forgot what it felt like to be comfortable in my own skin.
I’m grateful to the parents who allow their children to be themselves. I’m relieved to see gender issues being questioned. For me, it was the gender role I was forced to abide by. It never felt right, nor fair.
I buzzed off my gorgeous long hair two and a half years ago and stopped wearing makeup on a daily basis. I recognize myself for the first time since I was a small child. It took me way too long to be who I am unapologetically. I am happy. Finally, I am happy. My outside now matches my inside.
Everyone deserves to be who they are, not who others tell them they should be.
15
The tomboys never went anywhere. They're still here and right in front of your face. I was and have been a tomboy all my life and maybe you can't tell, because I wear nice clothes, wear makeup and do my hair when I feel like it. I also don't wear makeup, wear my husband's and son's clothes when I feel like it, ride 5000 miles a year on my bikes, and am outspoken and opinionated like any man. One coworker told me he thought I was a lesbian because I rode a bike (?!). I don't look to popular culture for any validation and because mass media is more constraining than anything. I ride my bike faster and longer than any male in the office and yes, it's a blow to their collective egos. That being said, I get equally excited by a new lipgloss as with new Schwalbe tires. Am I unconventional? I sure hope so.
9
@RG: Brava! You sound like my daughter!
1
This article had me wondering where the author lives. I looked it up -- she lives in NYC. Has she been to the country lately? The farm states and counties are full of Tomboys, millions of them, strong and capable, doing so-called man's work all day long without blinking an eye. They are inspirational.
18
My granddaughter is a tomboy who at 16 wears only masculine style sports clothes. She rides bikes and hangs out mainly with boys and has only recently starting having girlfriends. I’m glad we now have more acceptance of LGBQT people, especially in this state, so she feels comfortable. I’m not sure if she’ll be gay or straight, but we need to let boys and girls out of the confining gender roles of our society. Boys have it much worse than girls when it comes to going against the stereotype. Tomboys have a place in the world and a name. What are feminine boys called? Nothing nice.
7
I love this article and all the varied responses to it. I grew up as the daughter of a tomboy and a sister of the very 1970's tomboy you are describing here. While I definitely picked up on a lot of their tomboy tendencies I also loved pretty dresses and Barbies and all the girly girl stuff as well.
I remember thinking at a very young age how lucky I was to be a girl because girls had the ability to combine what they liked from both genders. One day, I may be wearing a baseball jersey and playing trucks with my brother and the neighbor boys (and girls) and the next I'd be playing Barbies with my girlfriends or roaming through fields picking flowers. I often felt sorry for the boys because they could only do "boy things."
There is a thread running through these comments debating whether the label gender non-conforming is being forced or misapplied. I think we are all being too quick to label either way. I will bring back another great childhood memory from the '70s, an ad campaign encouraging children to Just Be Yourself. Wise words then and now.
6
As a former and current tomboy, I fully support this. I have been complaining for years about the death of tomboys, soft butches, and other females who have a mix of gender traits while not rejecting womanhood or "she" pronouns. I may be rather butch, but I am still entirely a woman and a she and I don't need to be anything else to keep my butch traits and my more feminine traits together in the same complex person.
20
This older hetero man could not agree more! I've loved tomboys ever since I was a little; loved them in all senses of the word.
I've always found girly girls to be somewhere on the boring-to-annoying spectrum. Cultivated passivity is a real turn-off, even in a friendship. So is playing dumb. Don't get me started on heels!
But show me a tomboy who scales El Capitan and solves the Dirac equation, and I'm inspired beyond words. For the life of me, I cannot understand the purpose of cultural forces that constrain femininity to high cheekbones, a pleasant and non-confrontational voice, and pretty dresses. No thanks!
I married a tomboy. She's a very accomplished physician, jumped off 100+ foot cliffs on skis (until she broke both knees), climbed Kilimanjaro with me last year (at age 60), and will be kayaking the Grand Canyon this summer. What little makeup she owns dates back more than thirty years.
Our daughter is following in her mom's footsteps.
So yes! Let's bring the tomboy back!
14
@hammond For a moment there I thought you were talking about my wife. But your's is a physician, mine is an engineer. Obviously, we belong to the same club.
6
The allure of a tomboy is not the gender-bending, but the confidence. Ive never met one who wasn't totally ok with their look, their likes and dislikes. Something we can all emulate.
23
Tomboys aren't transexuals in waiting. They are just girls who like to play sports. Time for the "left" to leave these girls alone - and let them be simply girls who like to play sports.
15
Billie Eilish is a tomboy?
Non-conforming yes. But a tomboy?
3
@Berkeley Bee Exactly! I can't imagine any real tomboy spending the time or money to maintain those awful 4 inch fingernails. Also, her clothes may be "unconventional" but they are all couture and cost a fortune. Not exactly jeans and tee shirts! Just being a pretty girl who seems to want to make herself ugly to show non-conformity doesn't make her someone to be emulated as a strong woman. All seems fake to me!
7
Girls have always had tremendous freedom in their clothing, presentation, activities etc. Boys haven't and still don't. As much as I resent males, as transwomen, claiming female territory, I understand the intrusions females have made into male only spaces. I understand the intolerance men have for girlish men.
Someone needed to affirm the tomboy though for sure, before more teen girls mutilate themselves into the transgender fad.
5
I was a serious tomboy in the 70s and was beaten up on the playground of my hyper-conservative Catholic school on several occasions, once sustaining a bad concussion when a bully repeatedly slammed my head into a brick wall because I wasn't "normal." As a straight woman in her late 40s, I sometimes feel that conversations about transgender and non-binary culture in the 21st century entirely obscure their own antecedents. They also require that people "box check" identities that mean nothing to them. I'm constantly being told that "I couldn't possibly get what it's like to be LBGT+" when I grew up in extreme fear of physical and emotional abuse because I didn't like dresses or make-up and wanted to play (gasp) softball. I'm always being told, "well, you're a cisgendered woman." Even as someone who suffered badly for being a "freak," I actually miss the word "tomboy," even though it was used as an insult in my childhood. It captures the fluidity that defined my experience, and it feels a lot more comfortable than the term "cis" that many people want to impose on me (no, I wasn't comfortable with the body I was born in when my head was being bashed against a wall, and yet so many people who claim to be progressive keep trying to categorize others, to push the term "cis" on people who wouldn't call themselves that). Thanks to Davis for recovering something of my experience. I'm sure some will say, "maybe you're gender fluid." Yep. I was in the 70s.
23
I loved Jo so very much. As a high school student in the late '80's and early '90's, I wore combat boots, a green military jacket, shaved part of my hair, and despised girly-girls. It is unfortunate that the girly-girls were always overly sexualized and under-smart. As the author notes, masculinity was good for all and femininity for everybody was bad. Ugh.
Yes! When can Patti Smith be the half-time show at the Super Bowl, like Mick Jagger was not so long ago? OR when will a 50 year old man wear a speedo and ride a pole at the same event and be lauded for looking so 30?
Gender polarization is very bad for us all.
175
@Amy Blakeney Patti Smith at the Super Bowl would be awesome!
8
@Amy Blakeney
Yes, i miss the androgynous 70s and 80s when straight men wore makeup and were sex symbols, no one had to use the word "they" and change the english language bc they did not fit in some gender role.
I think the positive sexuality movement of Madonna was useful = empowering us - but really? i dont think so. And the music is so boring compared to all of the incredible alternative female musicians of the 70s and 80s.
Now we cannot even elect a woman as president.
im tired. I wish i could go somewhere that is not sexist! but there is no where on this earth to go.
28
@Amy Blakeney
Dear Amy,
As to your last question, I "sispect" the answer is no.
The very thought of Mick Jagger in a speedo riding a pole is sending me to the liquor cabinet to erase such a horrible image from my mind.
That said one of my younger sisters was a "tomboy". From the time she was 5 she ran with my brother and me and a group of 3 other boys in our neighborhood in Tripoli.
Reading many comments here, my sister was fortunate, because no one questioned her gender or male proclivities. She was completely accepted as just part of the gang. And she was as tough as any of us.
My parents, this is the 60's, didn't make anything of it. She had to wear a dress to church, but that was it.
She is still a "tomboy" and married a guy that liked her being a "tomboy". Still married after 30+ years.
I think the term "tomboy" could equally be translated, very strong, very tough, very athletic woman. But that is too long, so the term "tomboy" persists because, except for the very woke, we know she is one of God's great and marvelous variations of the human race.
20
I was a 70s tomboy. Most of the time I'm a jeans and t-shirts kind of person but I certainly enjoy dressing up and doing hair and makeup sometimes too. I am a masters athlete and a mom, I work a full time job, and I model on the side. 70's feminism taught me that I can be all of those things, and I am grateful for it.
5
If you are an adult who immediately assumes that a female teenager who loves sports, wears jeans and t-shirts, and doesn't wear make up is "non-gender conforming", that is YOUR problem. She is not. Her classmates don't think she is. But apparently a lot of adults need to label it as "tomboy" because THEY are obsessed with identifying those traits as "male". Teenagers are not.
That teenager is simply a teenager. The kids know it. It is the adults who are obsessed with labeling it. And the kids also understand that when a teenager IS "non-gender conforming", it has nothing to do with what they wear or activities they are interested in.
7
Absolutely agree! In the 80s I searched for non pink and blue items for my girls and it is harder to find now than then for babies. That amazes me. I have my own "affirmative action" plan. I search for TV shows, movies, and books that showcase strong independent women. As a woman I model discussing politics, science, and math at the table with children. Math is fun! Sports are fun! Participating in local and national politics is mandatory if we are to cease perpetuating stereotypes. Free to be -- you and me.
4
One of the more important initiatives I have read about lately is Gina Davis Program on gender and media. I enjoyed seeing her in the new series GLOW which celebrates all types of female personalities.
Also watch the documentary Miss Representation.
It’s a shame that magazines targeting young girls and women have not changed much since the 60s. Thanks for writing this feature and long live the true self coming through despite social pressures ...
2
For enjoyable, imaginative, young adult fiction that regularly features a tomboy as the protagonist, I recommend the works of the late, award-winning author Joan Aiken.
3
I was a tomboy because I was so close to my younger brother, my older sister was always ill, and my other sisters were much older to hang out with.
As a result, I felt comfortable around guys, knowing a lot about cars, sports, guy stuff. I could easily talk with guys, on their level while having solid conversations with them.
However, because I was not a "girlie girl" I paid a price for that when entering junior high and high school. I didn't know anything about makeup, hair stuff, clothes. I didn't know how to "flirt" or cared to because I always thought guys saw right through that stuff.
But a lot of guys really liked the "girlie girls". Suddenly, they treated me like a "kid sister" while they became interested in the pretty girls or girls who wore dresses and make up. The same guys who had been my pals were now developed an interested in girls.
I felt caught between two worlds in which I had no friends in either. So many girls thought I was weird and so many guys began to want more than just a buddy.
This kind of isolation, loneliness, treated as if I was invisible was probably one of many major reasons which lead to my deep depression at an early age.
I was most comfortable with myself being a tomboy. I'm still one today even though I have become a vintage senior. My husband would want me no other way. But he tells me in the most loving way, "I truly wish you could like yourself half as much as I love you."
11
The world may not need yet another opinion from a male heterosexual like me, but I am compelled to say: yes! Bring on the tomboys!
I grew up in a mountain town in Colorado, lusting after young women who were athletic, wore t-shirts and jeans, ponytails, and no make up. They were healthy, clean, and absolutely beautiful.
Later, I lived and worked for over a decade in the deep south, where lots of make up, high heels, jewelry, and extremely-plucked brows were standard for most ladies. Yuck.
I don't mean to cast aspersions on different regions - obviously, there were many exceptions to this rule in both of these places. However, these experiences sort of crystallized a "law of female attractiveness" for me: women look so silly when they're trying to be sexy, and they look so amazingly sexy when they're just being themselves.
I realize it takes a lot of courage to just be yourself; perhaps this is a factor in the equation.
21
From very early days, my elementary-age grand-daughter has taken pride in her academic achievements as well as her athleticism. She attended a Montessori preschool where Disney-type princess clothes were discouraged and parents were told to send rugged clothes as their kids might get dirty after playing in the rustic playground.
She is about to turn eight and has left behind ballet and gymnastics for basketball, soccer, and swim team. Her non-sport interests are violin lessons and cooking. My birthday present for her are cooking classes geared for kids.
3
One concrete step I wish Disney would make to help here: stop producing "girl power" clothing items emblazoned with female empowerment slogans. I respect what they're trying to do, but it doth protest too much; boys' clothing doesn't bother with empowerment slogans because (I assume) there's no need to say so. There isn't a need for girls' clothing to say so either.
12
Good points but does anyone else find the term tomboy offensive? I got in an argument with my mom when she called my daughter one. Why not just call her athletic, adventurous etc? Why do these have to be linked to being like a boy? Can’t we just talk about individual traits that can apply to any kid without defining certain ones as ‘masculine’ or ‘feminine’?
12
My parents and siblings ridiculed me to no end for wanting to wear "boys' clothes" and do "boy things" when I was growing up in the 1990s. My mother cried when I got a short haircut. It was less about what I wore, I think, and more about them thinking I was lesbian because of it (which I wasn't). Now, they praise me for always "doing my own thing." Maybe they've forgotten what that seemed to have meant to them 30 years ago.
8
I'm from the same era as the author. As I look back being a "Tomboy" was a rejection of my feminity. I was somewhere in between and they were the cool girls. It was who I wanted to be. Not a girl, who was unequal to boys.
I'm glad "Tomboys" are a thing of the past. Interests no longer dictate what kind of girl someone is. I wish boys could say the same.
1
Yes to all this and I’d highlight that some of contemporary Feminism also embraces the changes that men and boys must undergo in order to facilitate more space for women and girls. Receding is the view that talking about boys is counterproductive (as in that’s what we’ve done throughout history to zero effect).
Case in point = tom boys wouldn’t imply femininity was bad if boys also had greater latitude to embrace femininity. Its not the tom boys that are problematic, IOW, its the toxic masculine culture from birth that needs to change.
Granted, as a man who is a Feminist I recognize I am on more solid ground, rhetorically, if I address the gender challenges with men and boys (obvi?), because maleness is part of my lived experience. My daughter is in preschool. There’s an endless parade of little boys with “impulse control problems.” Daily she comes home with stories of so-and-so boy hitting her. Where are these little boys learning that behavior is acceptable? My wife and I are struggling with how to counsel our daughter. Should we tell her to start hitting back? Boys are told that. Should we suggest she just not play with those boys? That’s what I’d suggest to a son. Sometimes the elephant in the room is that we need to stop making excuses for men/little boys with impulse control problems and stop requiring women/girls to contort themselves around violent behavior.
5
"Courtesy, modesty, good manners, conformity to definite ethical standards are universal, but what constitutes courtesy, modesty, very good manners, and definite ethical standards is not universal. It is instructive to know that standards differ in the most unexpected ways."
--Margaret Mead
5
I was a little kid in the sixties. My little friends and I all loved Ellie Mae on The Beverly Hillbillies and all of her wonderful wildlife pets. She was a fantastic tomboy.
I was an even littler kid in the fifties. Nobody thought it was weird for girls to have toy trucks and cars. The first bike my parents bought me was styled to look like a police motorcycle. I had metal trucks, cars, a spaceship, motorcycles, tractors and dolls. Nobody thought that was weird and it was the conservative fifties.
9
The pink princess stuff is strange.
I was NOT a tomboy--not identified as such by others, nor how I self-identified. My friends were mostly all girls, and I hated sports.
But I was also NOT what we used to call a "girly-girl"--not identified as such by others, nor how I self-identified. I was into active adventure games and hated dresses and dressing up.
I felt just kind of normal? Which is to say that I basically never thought about my gender or how I was "presenting" or whether I was more like a boy or more like a girl--I mean I knew I was a girl, but my strongest self-identity was just as a *kid*!
10
I remember spending much of my 4th grade year being sent inside from recess because I played kickball with the boys instead of jumping rope with the girls. I was getting close to 50 when I told my mother about it. I don't think I've ever seen her so angry before or since. Why didn't I tell my parents at the time? Because my 9-year-old self didn't want them to know I kept getting into trouble at school. As an adult, I can look back at this time and know there was nothing wrong with me, and everything wrong with a teacher who wanted to stuff me in a gendered box.
17
I was a tomboy when most of the kids in our neighborhood were boys. We eventually moved and I became friends with a tomboyish classmate and later with more girlish girls. I'm glad my parents let me pick my friends without analyzing my choices.
15
@Diane...
Because Tomboys actually support Patriarchy we love our Tomboys.
They are so cute and charming.
And they make perfect sense.
Of course girls who have no power, privilege, or fun... would want to be boys who have all the power, privilege, and fun.
But Sissy Boys make us wince.
Because they make no sense.
Why would a boy who has all of the power, privilege, and fun... want to be a girl who has no power, privilege, or fun.
it's just stupid and disgusting.
This is why there have never been any Sissy Boys in popular culture for they are absolutely Taboo.
And this is just another form of Patriarchal misogyny.
For if we truly valued the female principle in life... as we obviously do the male... we would value it wherever it presented itself.
Even if that were by way of an anatomically male child.
I can assure you that we don't and never have.
And it is all simply the result of Patriarchal misogyny and genderphobia.
1
Sorry, I disagree with much of this. Tomboys didn't start in the 70s and 80s. I was a Tomboy in the 50s. My WWII country raised vet dad bought me miniature Army khakis and jeans. My mother's mother made no comment but she bought me velvet and other soft feminine dresses. I loved both. Who says we have to be one or the other? I was free to climb trees and build forts in my rough clothes during the week, but on Sundays and holidays I loved wearing my ultrafeminine clothes. Why would anyone want to limit us?
In the 60s a lot of the guys realized they could wear bright colors and soft fabrics and we reveled in each other's freedom to not be defined by a style of clothing. We could be anything and everything we chose. Being a Tomboy never meant we could only be one thing. Why would you want to go back to such limited thinking?
21
With all due respect, the author is not saying that tomboys began in the 1980s. She is writing about pop cultural representations of them that were ubiquitous in the 1980s. Her article is not intending to present a history of tomboy’s.
14
I was a serious tomboy when I was a kid in the sixties and seventies. I hated pink, didn’t want to be a Disney princess, hated dolls (I thought they were creepy. Still feel that way.) and preferred Matchbox cars. I wouldn’t even read “Little Women “ because it was too girly. I rode horses and thought leather and manure spelled like perfume. My parents finally yanked me out of the trees when I was about 14, and my mom forced me to dress like a teen princess. I was liberated in college and bought army fatigues and baggy flannel tops. Today, I still dress in baggy clothes and sensible shoes, mainly because they are comfortable. The only time I’ve worn makeup was at my wedding. I’m still a tomboy (although a little feminine) today, and I’m grateful that my parents allowed me to be the polar opposite of my very girly sister.
197
@Kb, yes you said your mom forced you to dress like a teen princess though.
@Tara My parents had a strict dress code when we went to school. For example, none of us kids could wear jeans. And back in the day, my parent’s rules were the law.
6
Vladimir: This is becoming really insignificant.
Estragon: Not enough.
Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot
4
"Let’s bring the tomboy back, without taming her."
She hasn't been tamed; she has been co-opted by the media trend of shoe-horning into some LGBTQetc category anyone falling outside of the perceived boy-girl binary.
45
I completely agree.
Though it’s not only the media: the mother of a trans kid we know keeps insisting that another family’s child is trans, and pressuring them to join groups and to “come out,” just because the child prefers loose, more gender-neutral clothing choices and occasionally horses around with more vigor than her own. She does this repeatedly in front of the children, who are both under the age of 10.
8
I do not know that I could describe myself as a tomboy when I grew up in the 70s and early 80s (yes Gen X) because I loved riding my bike, reading, swimming, dolls and was happy with all of the above.
I really find it amazing that people are still so engendered to believe that a woman can’t be both feminine and strong. I am a woman who has raised another woman to be who she is, no less feminine because she likes her Doc Martins and no weaker because she sports them with a floral dress! For all our awareness, we all seem to want to be stuck in some silly “role”!
15
I've always related to Patti Smith's take on being human: "I hate genderizing things. That’s not a riff for me; it’s a basic philosophy of work. I’m happy to be a woman. I’m a mother; I’m a wife. I like it when men open doors for me. But as an artist, I don’t feel any gender restriction. When I’m performing, it’s a very – for me – transcendent experience. I can’t say I feel like a male or female. Or both. What I feel is not in the human vocabulary."
23
Xena: Warrior Princess
2
Yes!! I was the ultimate free range tomboy growing up. I loved it. To this day I am the ultimate grown up tomboy and I still love it. Luckily, I chose a profession where I can wear blue jeans to work everyday if I want. No makeup, no sculpted hair. Free, free, free! Most of the women I work with also wear no makeup. It is the most beautiful thing to see all those fresh natural faces everyday.
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@Run Wild Yes. I love not going around in drag.
47
@Cathy That is perfect! Never heard it put that way before...guess I was in a cave. That made my day:)
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@Run Wild
yes, ill never understand why women torture themselves so much for what they think is beauty.
14
Growing up circa 1950's small town deep South tomboys were just part of the gang of Kids that organized sand lot games and rode beat-up bikes. As puberty emerged they were star athletes in girls basketball yet never a cheerleader. They wore the lackluster pedal pushers pants, pencil and poodle skirts and dressed for prom with a date. They married and had children and some got divorced and came out later (to no surprise). They were part of the gang however as no one ever cared one way or the other even late in life when 1/2 the gang was dead and buried.
4
I never understand these types of essays. I was a tomboy growing up and still consider myself one today. I’m 64, never wear makeup, let alone high heels and wear comfortable clothing. I hated the examples of womanhood presented to me. The damsel in distress, the sex queen, the seductress, rather I loved the manly examples of courage, strength and loyalty shown on most of the movies of the 60’s and 70’s.
Be whatever or whoever you are. I raised two children, both girls and when I asked them if their upbringing lacked anything, they joked and said you never taught us how to wear makeup. Both are powerful women. One has a Ph.d in chemistry, the other is a supervisor in education.
7
Why do girls need to identify themselves with certain traits as being "boyish"?
When girls just naturally follow their inclinations, without some label attached to it, they get the value they deserve for being female individuals.
"Tomboy" is a word that connects girls to the supposed behavior that is only natural to boys. That isn't right and sends the wrong the message. Let's put that word to rest.
Girls are autonomous and don't need to be associated with anything male to have strength, agility, a sense of fun and wanting to use their bodies in various ways.
7
@Cate Why do we need to put the word “tomboy” to rest? It’s an apt descriptor for a girl who’s into things that have traditionally been regarded as “boyish”. It’s way easier to say “tomboy” than “girl who wears cargo shorts and is into Transformers and motorcycles but who is still a girl and uses female pronouns because she’s most definitely a girl and not gender nonconforming/questioning in terms of gender identity”.
I was a tomboy, but I never “identified” as one. I just was one. Same way that I’m a blonde. I happen to have blond hair. It’s not something I consciously need to identify with in order to be.
Trying to “identify” with everything sounds tiring. Just be yourself and do what you want and if your interests match up with a descriptive term that exists in our language, cool, you can use that term to describe yourself in way fewer words.
3
@AJThanks for your ideas here! I'm saying that girls don't need to identify as being any particular way, associated with any gender (a social construct). I absolutely agree with you that "identifying" is tiring--thanks for giving clarity to my comment where it was lacking!
Yes to all of this. Girls and boys need to hear the message that they can be as feminine or masculine as they want to be. I agree so wholeheartedly with the statement "Let’s have feminine boys and masculine girls amid the varied depictions of gender identities and presentations."
9
Oh this is so great. I was a tomboy well before it was popular in popular culture, but being the real deal, I didn't need to have my identity validated by anyone or anything else.
I liked boys in ways most girls at that time did not. Boys were my friends and I preferred their company to the gaggle of girls who wore baby doll pajamas on their sleepovers, painted their nails, and giggled a lot about who was 'going around' with whom.
As I grew up my bond with boys deepened to a bond with men. I was privy to their discussions about girls and women and noted a lack of respect for most in my gender. I knew I never wanted to be one of those girls or women.
Later when the feminist movement lifted us out of some of that, I couldn't embrace it completely because I didn't share the animus they had towards men. I liked men. I still do. My best friends are men. I've had my Me Too stories like most women, but the worst of mine happened when I was a little girl. By the time I was grown up, I had the moxie to deal with most of it. Yes, there were a few times moxie wasn't enough and I know what it feels like to be helpless.
But I also know what it feels like to be empowered - to stride through life knowing and being who I am. I'm so glad to read this article boldly celebrating the tomboy. The last time I boldly identified myself as that in these pages, I was admonished by feminists who took umbrage at the term. I hope we are getting past that now. Hail the tomboy!
17
Gender norms encourage consumption. it's really that simple. If I have 2 kids, a girl and a boy, with the gender hysteria- I would need to buy new pajamas, pants, etc.
I have two daughters and many times I was told how lucky I was ("don't have to buy duplicates with different colours/characters"). Actually though, especially in France, boys clothes are much sturdier than girls. So most of my daughter's clothes are from the boy's department.
14
The tomboy has been swallowed whole by gender politics - most particularly trans activism - wherein children, often at very young ages, are expected to "decide" and declare what they "are" very publicly. In support of their children well-intended parents find themselves invested in that declaration.
How many of today's self-declared young trans boys are just tomboys (or lesbians) who, rather than being left to privately sort out the thrilling, sometimes confusing dynamics of sexual awakening, changing hormones, emotions and growing bodies were pressured to formally decide and declare - right now, in public?
Britain's National Health Service states that in the past five years alone there has been a 400% increase in people seeking help in gender transitioning. And we are already seeing an under-reported but steady increase in the number of trans people seeking medical treatment for gender de-transition. It is under-reported because trans activists call such reporting "transphobic."
It is ironic that those who demand that gender is utterly fluid put so much pressure on children to jam themselves into a gender identity and group-identity.
Yes. Bring back the tomboys. Bring back the children.
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@Livonian Exactly. It is maddening, and so evident here in Vermont.
13
@Beth
For sure. My wife has been a grade school teacher for years, and suddenly in the past few years the number of trans kids has skyrocketed out of nowhere.
There is such a thing as gender dysphoria, and trans people. But this has become a trend pushed by progressive politics. It's a form of child abuse.
19
Yes, and the proportion of children and teens who are said to identify as trans is now becoming more biological females than males. Girls and women with an interest in non-stereotypical activities or clothing, or her parents, are often asked if they are trans, or identify as boys, instead of being simply accepted as being female. The ways of being female are being narrowed to “girly girl,” lots of makeup, and pink pink pink. This has been covered in other articles in the Times, including this from 2017 from a parent
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/18/opinion/my-daughter-is-not-transgender-shes-a-tomboy.html
13
I'm 42 and have never outgrown hoodies, jeans, and sneakers. My hair is always a mess, I've never worn makeup or jewelry, and can't be bothered to sculpt my eyebrows. In elementary school I got called Tommy on the bus because I was - am - a tomboy, and it was never a decision to have a style. ("God forbid!" I can hear my mom saying in my head.) I often get impatient when I read articles like this, which - while supporting female autonomy - still endlessly dissect and deconstruct every little thing that women do. I'm a human being; I don't exist to be pleasing for men to gaze upon. As an upright, bipedal life form, I wear what's comfortable for me.
21
As a lifetime tomboy (I am now 72) I delighted in pitching hardball to the boys during the 50's, when they quit after some 'too hard' pitching that stung their hands. I delighted in high school at a badminton tournament, when I accidentally slammed the bird into my opponents forehead and toppled her over. After high school I started climbing peaks in the White Mountains, and got the urge in my sixtieth decade to start technical climbing in the Canadian Rockies. I did all the classics in that decade, being only turned away by weather at Mt. Robson's Kain Face. I've loved living a life where not much can stop me! At 72, I'll be high up on the glaciers and peaks at a mountaineering camp. Enjoy your lives, Ladies!
15
There are plenty of non-conforming females. We don't need the word, "Boy" to have strong examples of feminine diversity.
8
My little sister was scrawny and shy and generally a drag on my social life. I would occasionally have to protect her from different types of threats (called classmates). In 6th grade she found soccer and swimming. By her 16th birthday, I was having to protect “the others” from her. Anyway, she’s grown up to become a neurosurgeon, practicing in a large metro hospital in the east. Most importantly, in case any of her colleagues are reading this, I can’t be there boys, you’re on your own.
9
The very word "tomboy" implies that Jo on "Facts of Life" was not a "real" girl. That's why that word is demeaning.
While the media elevates females who wear skimpy, body-baring costumes, anyone walking into a middle school or high school would see far more females whose style of dress is more like Billie Eilish.
The 3 members of the girls' basketball team who tragically perished with Kobe Bryant were the type of popular, athletic females that are far more common than in the Facts of Life era.
5
@RJ I am a proud seventy year old tomboy and the last thing that word is in my books, is demeaning. It was and is my badge of honor. I was always a real girl and am now a real woman.
Sometimes a word is just a word. Sometimes a word is labelled a demeaning word. The handicapped, and the mentally retarded are now 'special'. How long before 'special' becomes the pejorative the same way negro, then black, then African American, became the same thing?
Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me. We need to shrug off the monikers applied to us that don't apply to us, and simply be who we are.
6
@Memi von Gaza
You weren't a "tomboy", you were a girl. The reason that word rightly became obsolete (or should have) is because it clearly implied that there was something about what you did that needed to be labeled as characteristic of a "boy".
You call yourself a "woman" but in the past you would have been just a girl, even at age 70. Just because that didn't bother most adult females back then does not mean that one doesn't recognize the intention and act with common courtesy.
You also are completely wrong about the use of the term "special". I suggest you do some reading about it.
When I was a kid growing up in the 70’s I was a mishmash of a girl. I had short hair because my mom had zero patience for long hair. I wore dresses because my dad wanted me to “look like a girl.” But I wore pants underneath when I wore them at school, because when playing on the monkey bars in sunny LA a gal needed protection from the burning hot metal. I loved Disney movies - but identified more with Maleficent than princess Aurora. I liked legos and worms and trolls dolls and blowing things up in the backyard. Barbies were used to fit in with other girls - or to be sacrificed to the trolls. I also liked boys. A lot. Still do. As a woman, I’m still more comfortable in jeans and boots. Dresses are fun - but not that practical. And high heels suck. But I wear my hair long and don’t mind sporting cleavage. To say the femininity is either A or B, soft or hard, is silly. It is all things. Just like masculinity. And to be honest - how we present our version of gender is one of the least interesting things about a person. If someone is kind, thoughtful and authenticity who they are - who cares what color they wear?
20
I agree. I am adding another important Tomboy character to the list, one who had a great impact on my daughter - Becky O'Shea from the 1994 film "Little Giants." Becky wouldn't let herself be relegated to sitting on the sidelines, she played football with and against the boys. And, importantly, her father (played by the wonderful Rick Moranis) supported her dream. Yes, bring back even the word "tomboy" without it causing controversy. There is room for all expressions of self.
1
One observation: When a societal stereotype in a capitalist country can be sold to the masses - literally, SOLD - it will be reinforced. "The beauty industry is valued at $532 billion and is on a rapid upward trajectory," according to a 2019 study by a retail analytics firm.
Last year my 4-year-old granddaughter was given her "first make-up kit" by her other grandmother.
I was appalled.
Bottom line: follow the money (at least in large part).
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These characters were a huge influence on me as a young man--I found them attractive and sexy, and the fact that they were assertive, independent and powerful probably did me some good as an early imprint.
2
I was a 50s tomboy--playing sports with all the boys on my block. I was just one of the gang. My parents were OK with it--my Dad would often play catch with me when he got home from work--whether I would be pitching a fastball, or throwing a football. My uncle bought me a first basemens mitt that I still have to this day. I would sometimes cry when we played sports in school, because I had to play with other girls, many of whom were not very skilled in sports--leading to a lot of frustration on my part. It was a wonderful time in my life and I think it had many benefits in terms of longlasting strength, coordination and balance. By the time I arrived in high school in the 60s, there wasn't much opportunity for girl sports like there is today.
10
I was a tomboy-and my best friend down the block was also a tomboy. We fished in the swamp and the sewer with my sneakers, played with marbles, climbed trees, and built tree forts. I wore a Joe Namath #12 sweatshirt almost every day in 4th grade, with hair about as short as his! I just connected with my childhood friend after 35 some odd years just a few weeks ago. It was very funny that both of us look feminine and almost glamorous by today's standards, but it's only because we choose to be, not because of anyone's expectations out pressures (she owns a high end bridal salon to boot!)
Let kids be kids - without pushing the pink OR the blue - let adults for adults - and let's stop labeling altogether.
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Labels are the issue. Why do humans insist on labeling everybody? and everything? It's only useful in science.
12
Stop using the term "tomboy" to describe athletic or otherwise "non-feminine" women! The term itself is retrograde: it implies that I'm acting like a boy rather than just being an average girl. Fortunately, society's assumptions for what women are, what we like, how we dress, and how we act has evolved to include a much wider range of expectations. If I want to play a rough game of soccer in the mud during the day and then go out to dinner in stillettos, I'm just an average, normal woman following her interests. And this is why the term is not longer used (and shouldn't be featured in the NYT). Now, if only men were as free to express such a wide range of interests. That's our next goal as a society.
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@Adriane Like the author, I disagree. I was a tomboy—proudly—and I love the label. The term was always and only used for girls; it was one (fantastic) way of being a girl. I am so thankful that I did not grow up with the notion that my love of “boyish” things meant that I was probably really a boy. I’m also glad nobody presented boyhood to me as an option as a kid. I might have chosen it prepuberty. As a happily married heterosexual woman, I’m glad nobody let prepubescent me decide.
Read the comments above. It’s just not true that being tomboyish is just accepted as a normal way of being a girl. Note how many parents report that their daughters are taken (by adults!) to be transgender, nonbinary, or “gender nonconforming”.
If you want to find an offensive term, it is that last one. ”Gender Nonconforming” assumes—requires, even—that there be something that it means to conform to your gender.
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@Adriane
I embraced the term "tomboy" as a girl in the '60s but did consider that a word suggesting that girls were some kind of derivative or odd form of boy was objectionable. What would you propose instead?
12
@Adriane I think you are missing the point. A "tomboy" is NOT someone who plays soccer during the day and goes out in her stillettos at night. She wouldn't be caught dead in make up and high heels. A tomboy is a girl who likes things that we traditionally associate with boys and generally does NOT like things traditionally associated with girls. So, it's great to be a jock and love to dress up too, but that isn't the same (at all) as being a tomboy.
9
I think of this as the Disneyfication of American girls--all girls should think of themselves as princesses. Sure, Disney occasionally gives a nod to portraying a strong princess, but not often. Remember Disney has had a major role in modeling roles for women ever since the 50s when I was small. Girls have to wear makeup all the time, never get their hands dirty, and fall for a man. Lace, frills and glitter everywhere in girls clothing. It makes me ill and certainly worry for the future of my granddaughter--when I am not worrying about all the other ways that her future is in danger. Give me a strong Katharine Hepburn role model, please!
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@Cheley Like Mulan?
1
@Cheley I think most of the Disney princesses over the past 30 years were pretty happy to get their hands dirty, and eager to break free of the constraints of their Princess roles (Pocohantas, MuLan, Merida, Moana, Tiana, Belle, even Jasmine and Ariel). Moana and Merida didn’t even have a love interest, and Mulan’s was peripheral to her story. (Also now there are sequins on some boys clothing too, kids like shiny things!)
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@Cheley
PRINCESS MONONOKE - there is a good role model. Any girl from any of Miyazaki's animations are perfect.
4
As the mother of a 8 year old girl, I have noticed that if any of her friends do not dress or act ultra-feminine, the adults she interacts with immediately assume she's gender non-conforming. It's almost like there's no place any more for a girl that wants to be a girl, but doesn't like pink. Why can't we acknowledge that regardless of what gender you identify with, there are many ways to be yourself?
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@Local In the nineties the adults were whispering about which tomboys were lesbians, now the assumption is that they are trans. It's all gender policing and should stop.
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@Local
Yes! just because you don't like frills and makeup it does not mean you are 1) Lesbian or 2) nonbinary. Please bring back a place for the tomboys!
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@Elise Gender policing? People naturally have expectations. When you make them hyper-aware of certain extremes (homosexuality, transexuality, for instance), they start to see them everywhere. Suddenly, they can't help but notice tomboys, and then they wonder if they fit into those categories.
Otherwise, I wish you all the luck reforming human nature.
7
I invite all to listen to Dar Williams' heartfelt, devastating and true song "When I was a Boy." It breaks this Tomboy and her husband's heart every time we hear it.
https://www.google.com/search?q=dar+williams+when+i+was+a+boy&oq=dar+williams+when+&aqs=chrome.0.0j69i57j0l6.4244j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
11
Just because Ms. Davis's friends preferred Jo it doesn't mean the female population at large did. It's an item of faith among TV execs that women control access to entertainment, and you better aim at the average woman if you want eyeballs. So if the 80's saw a retreat into wifedom (albeit with incursions into politics, as in thirtysomething and Parenthood) then women themselves drove the trend.
2
Growing up in the 1960s I lived for sports. Truth be told, in grammar school I lived to show off that I could run faster, jump higher, and do just about everything as well as or better than boys, in school and on the street. It ruined any chance of being popular. The girls treated me like a nerdy, sweaty, unfashionable weirdo. The boys laughed, and gave me the nickname “Fro.” My wavy, unruly hair tended to frizz out when I got sweaty playing sports, and they said it looked like the natural Afro hairstyle popular among African Americans at the time. So, I was Fro on East 38th Street when playing street games. I was picked last, if at all, for co-ed punch ball teams. Apparently, losing was better than having Fro on your team.
It was lonely and frustrating, but I knew no other way to be. Not once, ever, did I yield one bit. I did my best, and just shrugged at the social repercussions. How did I survive the teenage years? I went to a single-sex high school. With no boys around, more girls were willing to seriously compete in athletics. One of the most popular girls in the school asked me to be her doubles partner in the school badminton tournament. We kicked butt and she hugged me hard when I nailed the winning shot at the final on “Sports Night” in a packed gymnasium.
I also was a voracious reader. There were plenty of girls like me in books!
My post-Title 9 daughters were proud Tomboys. They didn’t give the time of day to any boy or girl who had a problem with it.
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@Joanna Stasia Harriet the Spy!
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I was a 50’s, 60’s tomboy. Reading the comments has given me a personal insight. Most of the commenting tomboys have pride in their voices, pride that they eschewed the color pink, dresses and Barbies. It made me realize that at the time, being a tomboy made me feel “better-than” and sometimes still does. It is time for an attitude check. Being a tomboy was/is not “better” or more non-conforming than being a princess-loving girl. It is merely who I am and was raised to be. Drop the pride. It only strengthens the idea that boys are better and more capable than girls or those who identify as non-binary.
18
To have "tomboys" you need them as exceptions to stand out from the feminine standard.
Since this article uses fictional characters from pop culture as the reality for how society truly is, perhaps we can transport ourselves back to the 1950s when the ideal women were Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn and Eleanor Roosevelt.
If a woman back then drove a truck, or knew how to shoot a gun, or fly a plane, or build a house, she was admired. Sometimes she was called a "lady pilot" or a "lady truck driver." But I don't think very many took offense at their titles or how they were described since they were unusual and earned the respect of all.
Did people 60 years ago continually talk about stereotypes, gender, diversity, transgenderism, nonbinary people, trans? If there is no standard of beauty or proper behavior, if private body issues are public talk, is it any wonder that our most liberal and progressive cities think it normal for homeless encampments to exist?
Today we have fights and arguments and perhaps lawsuits if people are described accurately by how they appear on their exterior and by their behavior. They is she, he is they. We have a new world of censorship, not freedom, which this article attempts to justify.
I would rather go back to Donna Reed than live in this new world of obese, tattooed, green-haired, pot smoking, rude and angry ungendereds who have taken all their freedoms and liberties and used it to become grotesque virtue signalers of "gender equality."
13
“masculine girls” ? My mom was not ‘masculine’ when she at 6 saw a Tarzan movie and tied vines together to swing across the deep chasm in her backyard to save a 1 mile walk to the bridge and back on the other side plus another half mile to school. 2.5 miles became 0.5. And then she untied the vines to swing back home. She was not ‘masculine’ to starting at 11 stand on the safety railing and leap high and far to get more spring off the 30’ board at the pool so she could get more somersaults and twists, even if every few weeks she belly or back flopped and was black and blue on one half of her body for much of a week. She was a girl. Never heard of anyone even calling her a Tom boy.
Nor when she was trained by an Olympic equestrian. (She and cavalry dad did not dismount when dad proposed marriage, kissed, and placed the engagement ring.)
Never, ever heard anyone call mom a “Tom boy”.
Nor my first true love and date Gail Ogden, who was a crack figure skater, volley and basketball player. And 6’ talk. She was Gail. (I did have many of the guys ask me how I could date a, yes, beautiful, but 5” talker ‘jock’.
Tom boy is better than masculine. But how about girl? And if your all pro son crochets with several other pro linemen, don’t call him a Sally gal”. He is a man.
10
When I was growing up "tomboy"-me- was not a compliment. It was code. There was something wrong with a girl who was a tomboy. I heard the whispers and the prayers. Will she grow out of it? Will it be soon? Lest she grow up to be a lesbian.
5
Idgie and Scout too.
6
If girls can be tomboys, why can’t boys be “tamgirls” who enjoy femininity? And for that matter, why not tomgirls and tamboys — boys and girls who don’t fit traditional genders. Mix it up instead of perpetuating ridiculous stereotypes.
2
@Eric I am totally with you on this one. One of my male colleagues likes to wear pink and lavender suits, and has a very soft spoken, polite voice. He has some very traditionally feminine characteristics but he is definitely a man. And he is well liked and respected. Men should have the freedom to enjoy things that are stereotyped as female.
9
Thanks for this column - I’ve been waiting a long time for someone to say this. It pains me to hear people talk about how Shakira and Jennifer Lopez are such strong role models, as they feel they need to be half-naked and perfect looking for men. To be sure, Facts of Life was just an awful show full of stereotypes and terrible writing (in my opinion).
But it’s so true that there was a completely different feeling pre-1980s. As a kid I absorbed the rainbow-colored zeitgeist, of Sesame Street and Earth Day and Up with People. It was about talent and personality, not dressing up to be as sexy as possible.
15
Some of us never left
6
they should make a TV show out of the Dory Fantasmagory chapter book series. Dory is an awesome tomboy heroine!!!
2
@Nick H So true! Those are wonderful books for boys too. So imaginative.
1
I was glad to see this topic addressed. However, after working in school settings for 30 years I have seen that very confident "Tomboy" struggle with being labelled. Girls who don't adhere to strict gender stereotypes are called "tomboy"by peers and adults. The term is limiting and insulting. I ran groups for girls and more than 1/2 rejected the "pink Princess" dribble that was being fed to them. Still, I like the idea of re-claiming more role models for all children but why hold tight to a term that is used to harm?
4
While we’re at it can stores stop selling pink, aqua and purple sneakers for women? Can you give us real pockets for our pants?
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Clothing manufactures stitch the pockets closed so people don't leave things in them in the dressing room. Just snip the thread when you get them home.
2
@Sara I've never checked but do they stitch men's pockets closed too?
By real pockets I think Margot meant pockets big enough to hold more than one tissue. Boy's and men's pants have deeper pockets. Which is why I always buy men's pajama bottoms.
9
@Margot Lane —I like purple sneakers, but I’m with you 100% on the pockets. The worst is when you snip the stitches, per Sara’s advice, and the pocket that is revealed is all of an inch or so deep.
11
I’ve been seeing a lot of comments trying to claim that people are transgender because they are essentially just tomboys who are uncomfortable. We really need more exposure to transgender people so we can get this straight.
I can’t claim to be any sort of expert on gender or transgender issues, but I can say for sure that transgender people are not just people who would “rather be the other gender.” Look up “gender dysphoria” on Mayo Clinic or another source to get a more detailed understanding (and a better one than I could ever give).
One friend of mine is a transgender woman, and it has nothing to do with “she always felt to girly to be a man.” She always fit in well as a male, but being male always felt wrong to her. It was really hard for her to come out since the area we went to high school is in is not very tolerant of the LGBT community, but she now is living as the person she always knew hes earned to be and feeling much freer. It’s not all just some made up millennial hysteria and that becomes very clear with exposure and friendship to real trans people.
4
I was a tomboy as a kid in the 90’s. Even as a grade schooler I was repulsed by the Spice Girls’ brand of femininity. You couldn’t go exploring in the woods or play schoolyard sports in dumb sissy outfits like that. Also skirts didn’t have pockets. Besides, I always found girl stuff boring and girl social hierarchies exhausting and confusing. I just liked doing boy stuff more.
But never once did I doubt that I was a girl and attracted to boys. I did not have any hang ups about “identity” because I didn’t register “I like dinosaurs and LEGOs and shorts with cargo pockets” as an identity, just a series of interests and preferences that is more succinctly defined as being a tomboy.
I’m worried that tomboys nowadays are getting thrown into the same bin as actual transgender children and saddled with weighty questions of sexuality and gender and sexual identity when it’s really not about that at all. Can’t girls play with trucks and boys play with dolls without the adults questioning and throwing into doubt the very core of their beings?
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@AJ My 14-year-old daughter is very tomboy-ish. Couple that with the fact that most of her friends are in the LGBTQ+ community, she obviously is questioning her own identity. As her parent, all I've done in the way of intervention is to remind her that her process of determining her gender and sexual identity is still in the early "information gathering" phase, and that it's going to be years before she's solidified her own view of herself enough to put (or actively not put) a label to it.
In the meantime, I say prayers of thanks to any god who will listen that she's growing up now, where middle schools have GSAs, and not in my generation, where the worst thing you could be was queer.
47
Yes! I, too, was a tomboy, and I often wonder what might have become of me if I had been a tomboy today. The adults in my life might ask if I felt like a boy on the inside, if maybe deep down I really was a boy. It’s absurd! I desperately wanted to be a boy when I was little, but that was just because of the stigma that surrounded the kind of girl I was. I didn’t need a society that suggested to me that I might actually be a boy on the inside simply because I liked to wear baggy basketball clothes, play sports, and get muddy. I needed a society that allowed me to be the kind of GIRL who likes to wear baggy clothes, play sports, and get muddy.
176
@Adrienne I am a school counselor. I do work with adolescents who are exploring their gender and sexual identity. I keep reading here and throughout the comments about adults who "ask if I felt like a boy inside, if maybe deep down I was really a boy". In my experience, adults are largely in two camps when faced with a child who isn't thoroughly gender-conforming. In one camp, are the adults who avoid any and all discussion of gender or sexual identity with the adolescent or young child, no matter how many signals the child sends that there could be some questioning. In the second camp are the adults who follow the child's lead. These are adults who create a safe environment for the child who might be questioning to explore those feelings without judgement. I have rarely seen the insensitive adult who would ask a young girl who prefers more traditionally masculine clothing and activities (for example): "Do you feel like a boy deep down?" I hope the type of adult you, and others keep referring to here is rare. I am happy to report that in my experience, they are. I don't think we should confuse a more accepting society with one that causes one to be transgender.
30
My daughter and, separately, a neighbor’s slightly older daughter throughout their elementary school years in our liberal suburb insisted that they were boys, used the male version of their names, played sports mostly with boys, dressed like their male peers, had their hair cut short, etc. When my daughter was a young teen she dated another girl for a short while. Now, both are in their early thirties and in committed long term heterosexual relationships hoping to raise a family.
8
Want to raise a tomboy? Give her a name that nets to a boy's name. Our daughter is named Joanna, and she is fabulously tom.
2
So, the author is proposing we embrace the persona of vintage TV’s poor, striving tomboys - who were more like boys - than prissy girls, especially girls from wealthy families raised to be feminine and oblivious to their own agency. That’s a false choice, tiresome on TV, too.
I do agree we should reject commercially driven pink and blue products dragging society back to the pre-1960s Establishment roles for men and women that got us into this mess.
While scrolling another NYT column inches away from this piece, I see some faces of the 11,000 Trumpsters in New Hampshire and suspect they would boo any woman who grasps the power of her body, mind and spirit. Such a woman is mocked daily by Trump and company.
Though she finds being feminine a pleasure, she could have grown up playing soccer or basketball or on a swim team and managed to develop a soul, spunk and a career. Trumpsters call her Nasty. I’d rather raise such females than advise girls to be different - like boys.
3
In a world where viewership was dominated by GofT, with the uberTomBoy Arya Stark, it is hard to take this column seriously. Other comments in this thread bring up other examples. Picking and choosing examples can be done by both sides, but the gains for females of all ages over the past two decades are too clear to be trivialized as this column does.
3
Gender has returned with a vengeance, even worse than in the 50s since the gendered tail is now wagging the sexed dog. Boyhood and girlhood are now determined by preferred hair length, colors, clothes, and characters; regressive sexist scripts drive biomedical imperatives rather than the other way around.
27
"Bruises, on both my knees for you / Don't say thank you or please/ I do what I want when I'm wanting to"--Billie Eilish, "Bad Guy"
Eilish is hardly non sexualized.
Where are the tomboys"? They're trans now. Sadie on "Good Girls" is played by a male actor and of course the character "comes out" as non binary. Susie Putnam on "Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" also begins identifying as non binary. Look at any story about trans kids for plentiful gender stereotypes. What message does this send? I would also like to see a wider variety of representation for young girls and boys, but until we stop telling girls (and boys) that if they don't "identify" with rigid stereotypes they might be the opposite sex it's not going to happen.
33
Contrast the "tomboy" stereotype with the "sissy" stereotype.
The first has always been less one of contempt than the second, than the last. But underlying both: the destructive assumption that competency and effectiveness require aggression and the suppression of emotion.
9
@Eben good point.
1
Blame it on Insta. Tomboy pix do not get many, "Ooh, you are so perfect!" likes.
3
My little girl is a tom boy. I never once tried to correct that, unlike her mother who forced her to take ballet to girlify her.
She grew up being herself, except when she was fighting mother as she wanted to wear jeans and not a dress and make up.
She is a mom now, she loves her baby. She still wears jeans and her pony tail under her cap. She has a job in construction and still smiles like a little girl.
If only her mother had not faulted her no end for not being a girly girl, she would have enjoyed her childhood a lot more than she was allowed to be mommy dearest.
Lesson learned, let her be. Don't try to mold her into what you think she should be.
22
Unreformed “tomboy” from the 1950s here. Loved Jo Marsh, etc.
Could not disagree more about your characterization of Billie Eilish. She seems the opposite of the independence we tomboys have. We run a comb through our hair and we’re off. Her look is so painfully curated and executed, I can’t imagine how she finds time to sing. Rolly eyeballs judging other people, etc. self absorbed. NOT tomboy.
Can’t wait to see what’s she like when she grows up, tho.
11
@Mia I can't imagine doing many tomboy things while sporting the 4-inch fingernails she wore to the Oscars.
1
I think women today are less constrained by femininity at least in this way. Today's females don't feel like they have to adopt "male" mannerisms and appearance to do traditionally "male" things like play sports. In the high school the young ladies playing ice hockey dress and act pretty similar to the ones doing dance team. In the past, a girl pretty much had to rebel against traditional femininity to enter the "male sphere". But maybe when you feel like it's not a male domain, you don't have to put on male trappings.
38
@VermontGal Maybe, but unfortunately, boys who don't conform to "male" behaviors from elementary school on are labeled, bullied, and made to feel shame. Let's just stop all the stereotyping, please.
14
@Edith Fusillo It's true that males that strive to emulate "feminine" mannerisms get pushback by society worse than females. But this article is more about females displaying male mannerisms.
3
@VermontGal As a born and bred "tomboy" and a masculine woman I've never adopted anything but a cat. As a child, I played with the boys because I was interested in hitting, kicking and throwing balls. As an adult I played softball for 25 year and racquet ball for 10. I was married to a man for 25 years.
Everything I learned about sports, I learned from my mom.
9
On my first day of first grade, just a few months after Title IX passed in 1972, the teacher sent the boys out at a recess for a sunny day of kite flying, while the girls were expected to stay indoors for a tea party with dolls. I protested, respectfully, in my own quiet, but stubborn, five-year-old way, and was eventually allowed to fly kites. The exercise, though, proved far from joyful as my young male classmates, along with the fathers who had volunteered to help with the event, teased me and went out of their way to make me feel unwelcome. I returned to the classroom with a sad face, but my female teacher shrugged her shoulders, as if to say "what did you expect?"
Fast forward just a few years, and eventually I would find solace with Tatum O'Neal in "Bad News Bears;" Jodie Foster in "Freaky Friday;" Kristy McNichol in her Emmy-award winning role as Buddy on the "Family" drama series; and yes, Nancy McKeon as Jo in "Facts of Life." Along the way, I began to breathe a little easier, learning that there was more than one way to be a woman and that with enough perseverance I could float between my feminine and masculine selves to be who I needed to be.
The world around us, then and now, wants so much for us to conform to one standard way of being, so much easier to market to us and assume who we are, but if we can continue to listen to that first true voice within ourselves, we can find our own way. I'm thankful for those 70s tomboys for shining a light.
28
I thought one of the better things about recent times is that perhaps women and girls could be allowed to be whatever they were. "Tomboy" is just another box to put women in, a label. Let's just be who we are.
4
I have never been a fan of identity politics, which is part of what I love about tomboys.
They simply are who they are, comfortable with their tastes and affinities, but not needing to prove anything or seek offense. Indeed, I am so attracted to that type of female that I married one. Ever so happily so.
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I see tomboys as a personality type, just like any other. And like @steven posted, I’ve also been drawn to that “type” (subconsciously) my entire life. One traits that fits with my personality is the ability to communicate, discuss or argue with very little pretense. Tomboys generally don’t engage in the petty social habits and politics that tend to grip most girls. And thus, they have more male friends than female friends—and are probably easier to feel genuinely comfortable or “real” with.
How “The Tomboy” is reflected on culture’s fickle, grand stage isn’t of much interest to me, because I don’t think tomboys went anywhere. I know absolutely nothing about Billie Eilish, but based on this article alone, does she look or seem to be less irritating than one of the Kardashian iterations? I don’t know...
Tomboys, IMHO, have, by their very nature, always “been themselves,” which probably has a lot to do with why I’m inherently attracted to them—and also why this a strange trait to drag into the current culture wars over identity. To call tomboys “...living examples of the feminist zeitgeist...” is almost laughable, however. (There will always be “princesses” too.)
39
@Steven
Totally agree, it is surprising to me that people feel such a pressure to conform to gender stereotypes.
I also totally get the attraction to strong women confortable to step out of stereotypically feminine behaviors who are also confortable to act the same way when they are around men and women.
I married one such wonderful (and challenging) women.
One thing I observed is that women are the ones most likely to respond poorly to stereotype challenging women.
The other interesting thing, is that high achieving women are very intimidating to many men.
35
@Steven
Girls who are tomboys are among the MOST sensitive to traditional gender identity roles. It takes energy and some determination not to conform. One cannot reject societal expectations without first being aware of them.
Funny how you need to dismiss these fundamental ideas of the self as "identity politics."
46
I grew up in the 70s and Jo was also my favorite character. I agree that it gave me an opportunity to flex the more masculine parts of my personality.
However as you point out, there was an implicit message that feminity had to be controlled and in many ways hidden. Remember the Free to be You and Me song where the little girl who dabs perfume behind her ear is ultimately eaten by tigers? Got it. Lesson learned.
It took me until adulthood to embrace the masculine and feminine sides of myself. The truth is, and always was, I want to play softball on Saturday and get my nails done on Sunday. Preferably sans tigers.
6
Any form that has "Male" and "Female" on it should include a third option: "None of your damn business"!
10
Tomboys are great, and there is no reason why they need any pronoun other than "she".
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@Matt Tomboys and nonbinary/trans people are two different things, Matt.
7
@Maja
Only in language and “identity “.
In reality, no objective difference.
4
A great indicator of gender polarization in children's media is Lego ads in the 1970's compared with now. Just google it. In the 70's Legos were blocks boys and girls could build anything with. Now they are carefully designed and segregated play sets for boys to play war and girls to play house.
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@Elise you are so right. I was appalled the first time I saw a Lego set with candy colored pieces meant to build a dollhouse. Ick!
8
I was very much a tomboy and I identified with many of the characters portrayed by Kristy McNichol, Tatum O'Neal and Jodie Foster. Kate Jackson was my favorite on "Charlie's Angels". I must be getting old because I don't see any correlation or similarity between these characters and Billie Eilish, this generation's example of a "tomboy". Where is the tomboy in the neon hair, the goth makeup and the scary black fingernails? Just because she wears loose fitting clothes does not make her a tomboy or a great example for today's youth.
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The term tomboy is sexist. Girls are girls, and boys are boys, and can be whatever they want. Calling a girl who is more like what we think of as a boy - athletic, brave - a tomboy suggests that these are “boy” traits. It limits what both boys and girls can be. My four year old daughter is more athletic than any other kid I know, boy or girl. She’s not a tomboy. She is a girl.
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@jrc ; So right you are. The "Tom's" ""Tomboy" "Uncle Tom" Relics of another time. Best left behind as we evolve forward.
2
@jrc I know, being called a tomboy back in the day was an insult.
1
@Mickela
It wasn’t an insult when I grew up.
Many of us looked up to the tomboy girls in our midst.
3
There is no denying that the richness of our diversity, when integrated in society, derives in a net plus. And this includes tomboys, hormonal upheaval at it's finest.
Where did the tomboys go? There must still be tomboys out there. I must admit it makes me kind of sad that my granddaughter is totally into the princess/ Frozen/ tutu thing like all the other little girls, it seems. I liked running and throwing balls and the boys always picked me to be on their team. Going into puberty was a very hard thing for me.
8
@PK My sister and I are just on the brink of 20 years old and we were both tomboys in boy's or other blue shapeless clothing, our love for boy's legos, our joy in sports/the outdoors, our disinterest in typically what pop culture had to say about what we should be doing.
I think one thing that allowed us to be tomboys when plenty of others couldn't be them was that we moved a lot in elementary school. We were always the outsider so we had no option for conformity and thus could more freely express ourselves. As newly minted adults, I think we're better for it, but there were definitely moments of sincere loneliness.
1
Interesting to see this article after Brit Marling's fantastic opinion piece a few days ago about the "strong female lead". Ms. Davis' article disappoints in that she complains that we don't have an abundance of girl characters coded as boyish (by traditional signifiers... sporty, irreverent, "speaking her mind", and even brunette!) onscreen these days.
Ms. Davis, the complexity of being and gender has gone beyond the examining the "girly-girl nemesis" and the "tomboy", as you name them. These old tropes reflects the frustrating narrowness of female characters in past times. Girls today needn't look out for the girls/women behaving like boys/men to be their role models. They should be looking at the wonderful and complex spectrum of beings around them to find themselves and their models. The tomboys of yesteryear are everywhere; no motorbike/baseball bat required.
The expanded view of girlhood is less obscured, perhaps, than it ever has been, and more women are creating TV characters today than ever before.
I recommend Ms. Marling's piece for a more nuanced take on the subject.
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@Luz Yup!!! (Loved Marling's piece!!)
I often wonder why Disney wants female children to think of themselves as princesses, but never advocated for male children to think of themselves as princes. Thoughts?
21
Bottom line don't identity/social engineer obsess.
In other words don't be a neo feminist demanding that women get 50%+ of everything whether they deserve it, even want it, or are forced to take it and men are the problem always, or the opposite, Trumpers who want women only in the kitchen or bedroom.
Treat people equally and then let men be men and women be women as defined by them not the extremes.
5
Xena: Warrior Princess (the name is on the tin) actually played with gender tropes, flipping notions about what constituted “weak” or “strong,” “feminine” or “masculine” and life partner relationships — all in a self-aware manner, sometimes tongue-in-cheek and sometimes more serious. One episode alone had Lucy Lawless playing three identical women with very different personalities. Not so much spice or sparkle, just because it was the 90s.
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@Mrs Miggins I concur. Anyone who followed Xena knew she was NOT a femme!
2
Why empower girls with traditional boy or masculine traits? Let each child find their own way in this world. Let's stop labeling & judging specific traits as feminine or masculine.
6
This article did not impress me at all.
Putting down little girls for being princesses, and tv shows for mothers who want to stay home and raise their children is hardly liberated thinking.
Being a tomboy isn't better than dressing "too girly". Playing "the mommy" isn't better than playing "the doctor".
When it comes to self-expression, everything is right.
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“The pop star Billie Eilish offers a refreshing twist: Through her affinity for oversize hoodies and pants and her confident, offbeat swagger, she provides girls an alternative to the overtly sexualized pop singer.”
Have you listened to one of her songs? Watched a video? I suspect you have not. This is one “overtly sexualized pop singer.”
13
"tomboys ... expanded the possibilities of what girlhood could look like." YES! (I don't think boys had or have their version of this possibility.)
In my mid-century girlhood I could be as frilly as I wanted, and I could also be tomboyish as I wanted. Also in the summer to age 10 or so, I was playing outside without a top on, just in shorts and barefoot.
Business makes more money when children's toys and clothes are highly differentiated. A sister's pink sweater, etc., will likely not be saved to be worn by her younger brother.
17
I was a tomboy growing up, and proud to be one. Looking back, I think it as helpful for me to have a term that affirmed that some of us girls preferred the more typically boyish things. There is no avoiding the general tendencies of children, so children everywhere know by the age of 7 or so which things TEND to be preferred by boys and which by girls. “Tomboy” is an easy way of saying “girls who like the stuff that’s less typically liked by girls.”
The crucial thing about the term is that it applies only to girls. All tomboys are girls, and being a tomboy is one way of being a girl.
Being a boy was never presented to me as an option. I grew to love being a woman, but I certainly would have chosen boyhood to girlhood given today’s narrowly depicted popular categories. I’m glad I wasn’t put in the position to choose.
31
Unless I misinterpreted something,based on a recent TV interview, Ms. Eilish also seems to have a stereotype- and trend-busting taste in automobiles. It is very refreshing.
Harriet the Spy was my hero as a kid. I demanded clothes in navy blue and presents like flashlights and tools. --We managed to avoid pink toys, Barbies and Bratz dolls, and princesses for our girls.
I urge everyone to support Coalition for a Commercial-Free Childhood. Take childhood back from Madison Avenue.
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The problem seems to be more about the urge to categorize. Even the concept of a masculine/feminine "spectrum" is too limiting.
I can remember tomboys who were crazy about sports but would go all girlie about fishing. And girls with nail polish who loved to fish.
In fact it was the boys whose behaviors were most strictly policed. As a boy who just didn't like team sports I can certainly remember that.
Obviously, in a better world, people would do what they wanted to do, without being categorized, OR categorizing themselves, by the clothes they choose to wear.
51
Great! I am a tomboy from way back. Could and did beat the boys at everything. Ms. Davis is so right. Bring back the tomboy!
18
Thank you, Ms. Davis for this article. It's much needed in our current environment.
I was born a tomboy in the '50's, and I was, and am, darn proud of it. I competed with the boys in all of our neighborhood games and actually invented some of them. I absolutely abhorred dolls and dresses.
Instead, when my dad left for work each morning, I would secretly steal his flannel shirt from his closet and wear it all day. He was wonderful about it. When he got home, he merely went into his drawer and pulled out a new shirt and winked at me.
My parents never made me feel I was different or embarrassed me in any way. Although my mom would have preferred I play with dolls instead of constantly coming home with skinned knees and bruises, she allowed me to explore this side of myself.
She did get her way though, when buying clothes for me, she often made me wear pink. Yuck!
I feel it's imperative we allow girls and boys to explore whatever it is that interests them. Playtime and imagination are two things that are missing from the childhood landscape these days. This is how we all find out who and what we are and there's no shame involved with this exploration.
My journey made me a better, more caring and loving person. Without it, I would only be half a person.
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@Pamela L.
I would also argue that playtime that is not monitored is missing. What I mean by that is parents today know where their children are at all times and what they are doing. Indeed parents get distressed if they cannot reach their children and wonder what harm has befallen them. We were allowed to play for hours in forests and streams, goof off at neighbors houses or find some other diversions. It was when we go home (always by dark) over dinner when we talked about what adventures we did that day. Also a lot of parents spend time ferrying their children from one activity to the next. We do not have unstructured playtime any longer it seems to me.
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@Pamela L. I loved your story. Thanks for sharing!
I too was a tomboy and my dad never criticized me about my love of softball, going on adventures, wearing flannel and the love of dressing like a slob. On the other hand, my mom wasn't as supportive. I knew she always wanted a super femmy Barbie like girl as a daughter and I wasn't one, who was into fashion, hair and boys -- which I all rejected.
13
maybe it's just that Jo was a boring trope, and representations of the tomboy are more nuanced now. eleanor in the good place, and Stevie in schitt's Creek, I consider tomboys. Susie in Mrs. maisel is an obvious tomboy. Suzanne, Nicky, Cindy, maybe even pennsatucky in Orange is the New Black. Arya Stark!
16
I grew up in the 70s sporting short hair and riding Big Wheels. It wasn't different or 'butch.' It was just what we did. We also played with Barbies (ok, sometimes cutting their hair short, too) and wore pretty dresses and Maryjanes on Easter.
It was a wonderful, free time to grow up.
I often feel that the 70s were much more enlightened than today for women and girls.
88
@Susan Exactly. Me (and my sister, and my childhood friends) too!
3
@Susan Yes, that sounds like my 1970s childhood too! When I was outside, I rode my bike everywhere, played in the woods, got dirty; and when I was inside, I made things for my dollhouse and sewed clothing for my dolls. (I also gave my dolls and Barbies hair cuts!) I wore dresses, pants and overalls, all of which were available in such colors like blue, orange and red.
8
@Susan
I remember my 9th grade teacher in the Seventies telling me I was very logical for a girl. I remember my chemistry teacher in HS in the Seventies expounding to the class on how women were truly happier as wives and mothers than if they had a career. And I rode my bike to the library and fished in scummy puddles and refused to wear dresses or pink. It was definitely worse for girls then. Much worse.
2
I don't know. Wouldn't a lot of women today have been considered "tom boys" back in the day? My hair's been all lengths, I don't wear makeup, I don't wear pink, I like to read sci-fi, I work in science and like to do math. I used to hate dresses, but then I realized that a knit dress and tights is a lot less restrictive than jeans. I know a lot of women like me. No one really considers me anything but myself. My sense of style and being has been subsumed into a more comprehensive definition of femininity. Tom boys are just women and girls now.
40
Some sharp points here about gender, power and identity in America.
There was a different view painted in sharp relief by Brit Marling in The Times last week. Both excellent pieces with important messages for all of us.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/02/07/opinion/sunday/brit-marling-women-movies.html
5
@PAC "Male Orgasm"
"Correct. I love the arc of male pleasure. But how could you bring me into being if I must satisfy the choreography of his desire only?"
"And I say: Good on you. But then how do I bring you into being?"
"Then I hear only silence."
She totally missed the corresponding magic of female power of birthing humans. A free woman.
1
I wish parents would stop trying to dress their children to conform to some idea they (the parents) have about what their children should be or perhaps what they wish they themselves had been. Dressing your children in those ridiculous princess dresses or urban skateboarder outfits is as foolish as dressing them in business suits. Leave children alone and let them develop their own identities.
26
@Larry
Good grief Larry, somebody has to buy them some clothes. When I used to take my boys shopping for clothes I let them choose what they wanted as long as we could afford it.
My sons did choose some stuff that I thought was ridiculous. But in those day little boys thought Teenage Ninja Turtles duds were really quite natty.
I would guess most parents do the same. So those princes dresses and skate board outfits probably were chosen by child based on what they'd seen on television. At least that was what my guys did. :)
3
This helps explain the gender dysphoria that is causing so many young women to believe they are trans. If you can’t be a tomboy, be a boy. Much more acceptable in 2020.
102
@Karma dilly Exactly! I have been saying this for years now. I don't doubt that gender dysphoria exists, but I have seen so many girls, just entering puberty, decide that they are trans, it makes me think that we haven't risen above the gender binary at all.
37
@Karma dilly I loved dressing in jeans and flannel and had zero desire to be a boy.
What I resented as a young girl was society who me (a female) into a box with limited choices (careers, appearance, behavior, speech), while the boys could say and do anything they wanted, without censure.
15
I think you are generally correct but I would give a slightly different twist to it. In the old days when a girl acted a certain way people said she was a tomboy and everybody was happy including the girl. Now everyone believes she has gender dysphoria and needs to take powerful drugs and possibly cut her breasts off. My we've come a long way haven't we?
55
How about we just let people be people instead of saying, "Girls must be like this and boys must be like that?" How about no labels or stereotypes? Just be who you are- smart, funny, strong, artistic, courageous, or whatever, without being defined solely by your genitalia. Apart from socialization and some input from hormones, male and female brains aren't really that different.
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@Jackie O I think the point of this essay is just that.
3
Yes, another critical decision for parents to allow ‘tomboy’ or not. For real? Guess you don’t have kids? They decide how and what they will ‘act’ like. Or are you suggesting TV bring back the ‘type’. Yes, by all means, we should insist on every permutation of life be forced onto the screen. Why, cause we can!
5
Yes! thank you for this.
2
I could’nt help comparing Billie Eilish with David Bowie. Was David Bowie Ziggy Stardust or was Ziggy Stardust David Bowie?
7
@Psst Oh please. Billy Eilish is a flash in the pan! Bowie was a genius at music and performance art and acting. They are not even on the same planet.
6
@Lisa in Canada
Oh, please... what of any of that had Bowie (whom I agree was a genius) accomplished by age 18? Not 5 Grammies. She may be a flash in the pan, or she may be just getting started.
My daughter sees much of herself in Billie — and can point to her success when she gets bullied at school for preferring looser, more roomy clothes from the “boys” section of the store.
1
@Viewer Why “Oh Please “? Part of my point is her style choices are a part of her act. That’s all. I’m not knocking her or her work. And by the by, her brother plays a very large part in her creating music. You both failed to mention that.
1
Another favorite character that dressed and acted like a tomboy (at least in the movie version): Scout from "To Kill a Mockingbird". She wore overalls and short hair, and was curious, thoughtful, kind, intelligent, brave, wise, tender, and questioning. In other words, a well-balanced human being.
Another fictional character that I personally think of as a tomboy: Nancy Drew. I don't remember what the books describe her as wearing, but it doesn't matter because that's not what was memorable about her... what was memorable was her strong curiosity, intelligence, determination, and fearlessness verging on recklessness. She had the "tomboy spirit", if you will.
One more, an adult tomboy: Lucy from the "I Love Lucy" TV show. She would get an idea fixed in her head and do ANYTHING no matter how wacky or ill-advised to accomplish it. You had to admire her complete lack of fear. Plus the greatest gift of all: not being afraid to look foolish.
And thought it's kind of a handy shorthand phrase, I'm actually a little uncomfortable with the word "tomboy". Why not "tomgirl", if we're talking about celebrating girls or women who are not controlled by other people's expectations.
I've never accepted the nonsense that certain qualities belong to women, and certain qualities belong to men.
Who says? I'll tell you who: people that want to force you into some pre-defined groove so you're easier to label and control. And why listen to them?
94
Yes! Loooooved Scout!
13
@SC ‘Harriet the Spy’.
1
I was considered a tomboy in the 50s and 60s, but I never wanted to BE a boy. I just didn't like the gender stereotypes and rejected many of them. Many of my best friends were boys, I liked riding my bike, and building forts in the woods. At one point, I cut all the crinolines out of my dresses (extra points if you know what a crinoline is). When Barbies first were introduced, I was the only girl in the elementary school who didn't have one.
But once I became an adolescent, I started being interested in boys not just as friends, but additionally in new, exciting ways. Frankly, I think I always had boyfriends because I was so comfortable around boys. I eventually entered a male-dominated field. But again, I am a woman, I am comfortable and happy to be a woman, and being a mother has been one of the highlights of my life.
The problem to me is gender roles, gender expectations. I think there ARE people who truly feel they are living in the wrong bodies, but I wonder how many just don't want to have to be restricted to gender stereotypes. Thank god there were no 'makeup parties' when I was a young girl, I'm sure I would have been unhappy attending and equally unhappy NOT attending. Thank god I was born before the 'princess phenomenon'. Let's take away the pink and blue sorting and let kids be kids without imposing stereotypes on them from the second they're born.
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@Debby Vivari Yes, I remember crinolines! I grew up in the 50's when the fashion was dresses that required several layers of stiff. scratchy petticoats under the skirts to make them stand out. I played touch football with the boys and could throw and kick a perfect spiral, even when I was encumbered with all that. I couldn't wait to get home and strip off all that sweaty uncomfortable clothing and change into comfy cotton shirts, pedal pushers (remember those?) and sneakers. My mother really wanted a girly girl, but when I asked for a pair of boy's high top tennis shoes, she relented. I was thrilled.
My late husband of 42 years often told me he'd always been attracted to tomboys because we were practical, tough, and more "fun" in many ways.
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@Debby Vivari Haha, I grew up after crinolines had had their heyday, much to my chagrin. Now I add them to my skirts every chance I get. There's something for everyone!
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In that sense Japanese media has been fairly inclusive for about a generation
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Rigid sex stereotypes are harmful to everyone. What happened to the spirit of “free to be you and me” that I remember from the 1970s? Oh, right, the marketers of toys and children’s clothing killed it to pump up corporate profits. Everything is pink or blue—nothing neutral. No passing down things from your child to a younger sibling of the opposite sex; that just won’t do!
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@Clio Happily there are some exceptions. Construction toys (e.g., Legos, blocks, erector sets) work well for lots of kids and come in many colors and shapes and sizes. Science kits and magic sets also come in more than blue and pink (or at least they did when my kids were young). And art supplies don't have to be inherently gendered. But I agree there's a lot of pink and blue to sift through to find better possibilities like these.
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@John Ogilvie Yes, but Lego pushes its line of girly Legos. I've seen this at Christmas - the boys in my extended family get Ninjago or Lego superhero sets, and the girls get Lego Friends. Which are so dorky they don't even have real minifigures!
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This article talks very adeptly around the elephant in the room: that if a little girl today dresses and acts like a boy, the adults around her are going to tell her she IS a boy.
Gender essentialism isn't cute, from the right or the left.
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No, there’s a big difference. No one would make that mistake. Your response shows you don’t understand the distinction between gender and tomboys.
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@Alyce Miller
What exactly is the difference?
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Better yet, why don’t we get rid of this stale notion that certain surface things - haircut, dress, interest in sports, riding motorcycles, gruff demeanor - are somehow “masculine” and girls that exhibit certain inclinations are “tomboys.” And if a boy likes pink or tutus, he is somehow “girlish.” These are superficial constructs, change over time and across societies, and ultimately have little to do with male versus female.
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At age 72 now, looking back, I will be forever grateful to my parents for letting me, the second daughter, reject dolls, have a Dale Evans cowboy hat and two-gun holster at age five, letting me explore—alone or with friends—neighborhood woods and brooks, falling in love with frogs and nature from age six, ride my bicycle two miles to the summer softball field (where I was usually the only girl playing) ride to friends’ houses miles away in junior high, and play tennis, basketball and softball in high school. Sure, by ninth grade my mother encouraged me to go to a one day “charm school” at the new shopping mall, an experience immediately forgotten. I was a a tomboy, pure and simple, and I liked the games boys played. Competition with them gave me confidence that extended to the classroom. Let girls wear what they want to wear, be active and free to reject being little princesses. They will thank you later.
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My parents and I were discussing this topic just last week (I was born in 1970 - and very definitely a "tom boy." Sure, I had a Barbie - but she was a soldier right along with GI Joe, storming the beaches at Normandy (& later she became target practice for my cap guns).
It is disconcerting to me that many of my friends who were also tom boys are raising their daughters as "princesses" and for them it's all about the pink from the moment they knew they were having daughters.
I'm hoping the next generation does a better job of than Gen X has with raising their daughters and sons as well rounded kids versus princesses and warriors.
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@Barton - I'm Gen X and I don't see this insistence on pink at all, although I live in NYC so maybe it's different in the Midwest? Around 3, my daughter INSISTED on pink, but it was a passing phase. Now she's quite minimalist and spare and I let her wear whatever she wants.
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Couldn't agree more with this article. When I grew up in the fifties I was very much a tomboy. Rough-housed, played ball, prided myself on being strong, and had many injuries, which I also was proud of. But I also liked dresses sometimes. I felt like I had it all. But then, the times changed, and I felt not very feminine even though I was cis and hetero. To this day, the culture of the pretty, powerful but beautiful girl always makes me feel kind of masculine but with big breasts. My beautiful, movie-star looking mother, by the way, always preferred pants, particularly men's pants, except for when she was "going into the city." Kind of Katherine Hepburn (another wonderful model for women that's disappeared).
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As a young girl I was a tomboy, daughter of a tomboy. I loved climbing trees, collecting baseball cards and playing with toy soldiers in battle. No dollies or dresses for me. To this day, decades later, I don’t care for dressing up, wearing makeup or fussing with my hair. In fact, I don’t like having breasts. Still, I am proudly a female. It is my identity from the inside out.
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As someone who grew up in the 60s and 70s I've wondered where the tomboys of my childhood would fit in today. Would they have to choose between being a girly girl, or being gender neutral? Is it even ok to use the term "tomboy" now?
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@Liz IMHO, yes, tomboy is still an OK term to use. And no, the whole point of expanding gender roles is that you do not have to choose, you can just be yourself.
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@Pam
Then why do you need any labels? Even tomboy.
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@DaveD It's called self-identification.
I'm a lifelong tomboy. Heterosexual, mother of three, and not in some sense really male under the skin. I've often, though, had the sense that people *wanted* me to be a lesbian because that would have made them more comfortable with their notions of gender, and now that some *want* be to be trans, gender-non-conforming, non-binary of whatever. I'm not. I'm just a plain old woman who doesn't like shopping (except for food and hardware), hates dressing up and grooming, and has always liked fixing things and playing with machinery. As well as knitting, which is more of the same. I yam what I yam and that's all what I yam.
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@Harriet Baber I read your last sentence as "I yarn what I yarn..." and was about to high-five you. You know what? Have a high-five anyway.
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@Flora
I saw yarn too! That’s so funny. Good both ways.
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My daughter is very much a tomboy and always has been. She wears her hair short and hates dresses, frilly things, and pink. She likes superheros and fast cars. All through elementary school, she was told over and over that she must be transgender because she liked "boy things". Why do we have such a rigid idea of gender? I am really concerned about this because I also see a lot of teen girls in our high school deciding that they are really boys. Maybe it is just a fashion, but I also think these girls feel really pressured to conform to this rigid idea of being a girl, and when they can't do it, they decide they must not really be a girl at all.
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I grew up blissfully unaware that women were second class citizens. I went to an all-girls high school and then attended an all-women’s college where women had to be in charge. Then came law school where I chugged along, still, somehow, unaware, happily volunteering to lead, defeating the men who ran against me without realizing I should not have won. It wasn’t until my second job, as a prosecuting attorney, that I actually came across men who thought I had no place in the courtroom and judges who coddled women. What did I do? Turned it to my advantage. I shamelessly played on my femininity and cuteness (there was a very brief period when I was considered cute). It worked. I conned the investigators in my office and often the judges into doing what I wanted. A lot of the other women could not for one reason - they acted like men and the very macho guys in my office did not like that one bit.
I am not ashamed of using whatever I had to in order to get what I wanted, but it is appalling that being girly was the only way to accomplish what needed doing in that male dominated environment. And when I left it was for the girliest of all reasons - motherhood.
I raised 2 boys to know one thing. Never, ever think you are better than a female simply because you are a man. They call my college a finishing school and they are right. That college taught me that girls can grow up to be anything and I have pushed back against patriarchy using all the tools at my disposal ever since.
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I long for the day when people can just be themselves, without needing a label. Why should we care anymore whether anyone fulfills a "traditionally" masculine or feminine role? (Whose traditions are we talking about, anyway? Who determines such things?) Where do demands that people confirm to such roles get us, besides a lot of grief?
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So we're going to ignore Missy Cooper from Young Sheldon, Megan Rapinoe from US Women's Soccer and Katie Sowers from the San Francisco 49rs whilst we're having this discussion? I disagree with the premise of this opinion. There are tomboys everywhere, you just have to look in the right places.
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As an effeminate young boy growing up gay in a small Pennsylvania town, I took some comfort in the tom boys – indeed, I still do. All things gender-nonconforming helped me see past my tormentors.
And yet, it pains me how little has changed, really. In the Republican red community where I’m from, it is still not okay to be a sissy. It took me a long time to realize that at the heart of homophobia lies sheer misogyny – a dynamic that seems to me is getting worse at this particular cultural moment.
Being a girly boy remains a tough row to hoe.
So bring back the tom boys by all means. They helped me feel better about things, and I hope they help others, too.
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Yes, homophobia and misogyny are inextricably linked.
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@Brian, I will take your effeminate young boy over any sports hero on the football team, anytime.
I mean that from the heart.
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@K Yates
Why aren't both equally OK?
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Girls are athletes -- not tomboys.
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I worry about today’s children who are not given the benefit of acceptance and time to work out who they are. Pressure in either way, to be a girly girl, a masculine boy, or an intense focus on being gender non-conforming seems ridiculous for a child. Let them be who they are, and value that person as he or she expresses themselves. Who they love is likewise a matter that should involve acceptance. If more people are loved and accepted as themselves, I guarantee they will be happier. I can’t say there wouldn’t be people who still feel the need to physically transform themselves, but I would guess that those that do would also be happier and more comfortable with their lives and decisions if we would all just chill about these things.
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My eleven year old plays sports, likes math and singing/art. She likes cute but not sexy or frilly clothes, and has always eschewed the princess culture, I think she is a pretty standard girl - and I like her brand of personhood.
I loved the Facts of Life Jo. But look at her picture in the article - she is styled and feminine in a sexy, biker way (she always was). She’s like the sporty girl from Liv and Maddie or one of the Bizaardvark girls - they take a lot from Jo March and a little from Hannah Montana. Jos are just a little less culturally relevant as a stereotype because they were subsumed into the norm of what girls can be (and thank goodness!)
The author suggests new versions of Jo - girls who skew masculine. My daughter is friends with 2 of these girls - we love them and they are underrepresented in pop culture - but they are not Jos.
What I would REALLY love to see is fewer size 0 teen tv and pop stars. THAT is the most harmful emblem of girl perfectionism/self-hatred pervasive across pop culture right now. Even if Disney came up with the new Jo, she would be a size 0.
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@B
Maybe a modern day female version of Geeks & Freaks? Just regular girls of regular weight wearing non-sexy clothes. Even Wonder Woman has to do battle in her underwear. Why is that?
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My heroes growing up in the late 50's and early 60's were in books and were characters that did everything the boys could do; Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden. Yet, in the 70's the first question I was asked in every job interview was, "How fast can you type?" We have come a long way, and I am glad that my granddaughter can choose to be a princess. She actually has a choice that I did not.
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In looking at my own upbringing in the 50's and 60's, and at what it was like to raise children in the 80's and 90's it seems that gender roles have become more stratified. The princess obsession didn't exist when I was little or when my kids were young. I don't recall toys or books being organized by gender. Pre-teen girls did not dress like miniature teenagers and teenagers didn't dress like adults. There was freedom and acceptance in being a tomboy, and being one didn't mean that you really wanted to be a boy and perhaps had gender dysphoria. I wonder if the great paradox of our acceptance of non-binary gender identify - as positive as it is - is that we are over eager to slot young people into a particular gender and have in fact made gender identity more rigid.
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The seventies was a glorious time to be a girl. But those 70s girls are now mom’s. So what are they teaching their girls? Maybe it’s just a backlash as teen girls always want to not be like their moms. Maybe it’s declining birth rates and fertility that are making the moms anxious about their daughters’ reproductive prospects if they don’t behave in hyper-genderized ways? But it is an interesting phenomenon to note that we do seem to be narrowing our ideas about what boys and girls can look like even as we expand the number of genders.
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@Agarre - Was it a glorious time to be a girl? I was a child in the 70s and I remember a lot of shows like Charlie's Angels and the Dukes of Hazzard, with Daisy, who I liked but never seemed to do much but distract the bumbling sheriff. And I thought Three's Company was hilarious but looking back--Chrissy and Janet were expected to be virginal, while Jack and his friend were making the rounds.
That said, I think you make good points. My daughter is in middle school and times, they are a-changing. They have an active LBGTQ club and my daughter told me that "EVERYONE is bi." "Soft bois" are pretty accepted and I think the gender spectrum will be much more diverse.
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@Agarre Not all of us are moms, thank you very much!
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As I recall, there was a particular need for those size-conversion charts in the 70's because there were no simple, unfussy clothes for girls - & the sizes were limited. In the early 70's, if you wanted to wear a t-shirt & jeans, it was a mens/boys t-shirt & shrink-to-fit mens Levi's. There was nothing else. Men's shirts had sleeve lengths; jeans had inseam & waist choices - completely unknown in women's clothing. As a very tall teenage girl in the post-hippie years, I lived in boy's clothes - and dresses & tops I sewed myself!
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I was never a tomboy or overly girly. I liked pretty things, but it never occurred to me to be be “less than” a guy. I was pretty much all-business whether it was education, work, or play. Same deal in my marriage and parenting. I guess it worked, because my daughter is a happily married, crime-fighting FBI agent.
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When I was little, Pippi Longstocking was my literary "tomboy" role model.
She tackled everything with gusto.
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@nom de guerre
I loved Pippi and thought she was so clever to invent sponge-skating to mop.
2
Gender identity and sexual identity are not necessarily connected. America is struggling with the trend toward gender diversity and choice, which has become a source of anxiety and confusion.
Increasing freedom of gender expression combined with America's obsessive preoccupation with sexuality, has become a source of societal dissonance as evolving freedom for the individual confronts the constraints of social conformity. In other words, we'll get over it...eventually.
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As a high school freshman (early 1960s), I was given a battery of IQ and personality tests, one of which asked 50 or so questions like: Would you rather bake a cake or hike in the woods? Are you afraid of spiders? Would you rather babysit or investigate the works of a clock?
My answers led the man giving the test to say that I wasn't "very feminine." I was stunned and hurt. Then I thought, "I'm a girl . . . if I do it, it's feminine!"
I've never wanted to be a "princess" -- there are many more interesting things to be and do.
Gender polarization is a harmful practice that limits options for both boys and girls. I think it also leads to some young people feeling they are "in the wrong body." One shouldn't have to have gender-altering surgery to be the person you want to be.
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Child of the 70s here. I was not subjected to the more recent "gender polarization" while growing up (thank goodness) and was a tomboy who loved to run around in the woods, play with matchbox cars. Didn't save me from decades of depression and anxiety rooted in body and gender dysphoria.
I really appreciate that the author did not offer up tomboyhood as a panacea to gender dysphoria in girls.
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@Laurabat That is only because she would be torn apart by transactivists. The unusually high rates of gender dysphoria in girls could very much be the product of lack of tomboy representation in the latest generations. Maybe not you, but many of my daughters generation now see that if they aren't into hypersexualized girliness, then they are actually boys.
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No, but the commenters surely have. It’s clear I’ll have no civil rights in my lifetime as a trans person. It’s because of the alliance between right and left straight people. Im glad I was able to unite the US over something. Figures it’s be bigotry of the Other.
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While I understand that the author is calling for representations of the tomboy character in popular culture, I would submit that in life, these lines are less important. I love history and can happily spend all day exploring a battlefield or military museum, then dress up and go to live theatre in the evening. I enjoy being out in forests in the mountains but I prefer to spend the night in a hotel. I don’t consider sports and STEM the province of men, but I am not interested in either. My late father (who helped with housework and child care) always gave off the attitude that my sisters and I could choose any career, including homemaking.
And I sometimes think I am the only girl who read Little Women and pretended I was Meg.
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@Lawyermom Thank you! The article mentions this, but most comments are gliding over it. There is a wide range of female identity that is neither princess nor tomboy. Growing up, I loved ballet (strength and beauty!) and books, but was not interested in suppressing my interests and opinions for some boy. Not only "tomboys" could "dare to be different" (to quote the title of the author's book). In my junior high (mid-'60s), we had a low-tech equivalent of online bullying with so-called "slam books." The bulk of the insults directed at me? I was smart -- and had curly hair!
As for Little Women, there were aspects of all the sisters I liked: Meg's practicality and the artistic gifts of Jo, Beth, and Amy!
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I have been wondering why there is currently such a rush toward gender transitioning. It seems to me that that step is only necessary if you believe that you can not be the person you truly are unless you physically change your gender. If we truly accepted women who behaved like men, and vice versa, then transitioning would not be necessary. But as this article makes clear, we don't have that.
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@dj sims Exactly this. There is so much pressure right now for women to exhibit extreme drag-queen femininity, with hour-long makeup routines and equally high-maintenance hair and nails, and for men to be beefed-up gymbos. If we could make more room for femme men and butch women, maybe kids wouldn't feel the need to transition.
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I somewhat agree as well. I’m a psychologist and I work a lot with teens and young adults. I Agree that we have narrowed some of the rules and definitions of gender to the point where the only choice for someone who feels they don’t fit those narrow rules is to be “gender nonconforming “or “binary.” Obviously gender dysphoria is a real issue and many people who transition feel much more comfortable in their own skin after transitioning, but I agree that there does seem to be a huge increase in kids who feel they have to label themselves as something, and so then label themselves as non-conforming because they don’t see people that represent their gender in a way that they want to. If I am a girl who likes sports and doesn’t like to wear make up and is more assertive than the typical girl, and maybe has a lot of friends who are boys, am I still a girl or am I gender nonconforming? If I’m not seeing girls like me in the world or in the media I might think there something wrong with me.
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@dj sims I agree that society's gender-polarization is likely the root cause of so many young people feeling they are "in the wrong body." They shouldn't have to have gender-altering surgery to be the person they want to be.
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Having lived in Portland, Oregon most of my life, I think that the tomboy has continued to exist in the LGBTQ+ community. But it has become almost exclusively associated with lesbian sexuality, and not even bi or straight sexuality.
What was unique about the 1970's Tomboy was that people expressing that identity were very common and accepted all over the country, and not just in a few very safe areas like Portland that were spared from the reactionary tide of the Reagan years.
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@Kenneth
I'm a Boomer tomboy. Loved to ride my bike with my dog and climb trees, play sports and all of it. While it may have been acceptable to be a tomboy it was thought that by the time the teen years rolled around that the tomboy would get married and become a typical housewife. It was not acceptable to be a tomboy or even a strong woman after one became of age.
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