I was googling about writing, came across Matt's site, which talked about just getting a byline in the NYT, was curious and clicked the link. This story was not what I expected to find but "wow," what an interesting, vivid, wonderful piece. Heartwarming. Happy the editor published it. Moving.
1
Beautifully written and bravery in all three of you. May your unfolding journey continue to bring beautiful surprises.
1
What a beautiful analogy and picture you painted!
1
Awesome.
1
I loved this essay although I can't relate to family being this open and honest with one another. This essay reveals the bravery, love and trust between you...so lovely. Thank you for sharing your story it gives me hope. Please, more stories!
2
My nephew, Edward John and his fiancee, were married at Makena State Park. They named their daughter Makena after the beach where she was conceived. Interesting reminder during Love Week .....
2
Matt Knight,
..such a beautiful essay! It gladdens my heart... (cant wait for your novels)
2
We live in an era where many need to write about whatever pops into to their heads.
Here's some advice: keep a diary, and spare us the frivolous.
1
I loved this description: “the creation of a hard shell like the Queen Helmet conch, where underneath, in the hollow birth chamber, I hid my soft, vulnerable underbelly.”
Heartfelt.
5
@LN you're right. It's a deep metaphor, a poem in itself.
Actually it applies to many of us, whether we are gay or not, we are taught to hide ourselves.
3
Stories like these restore my faith in humanity. Beautifully written.
7
Aw, Matt, you're a lovely storyteller and keeper.
9
Lovely story well told. Let’s hear more.
7
Aw. You are a keeper, Matt. What a lovely tale.
12
Love Love Love this ... It made me smile. What a gifted writer and story teller!
13
Absolutely loved this. Teared me up. Just wonderful.
18
Years ago I went with my gay oldest child to Harbin Hot Springs in northern California. While my adult child felt no discomfort in being nude I felt that as a parent of the opposite gender, I should wear a bathing suit. The next day the prospect of putting on a still wet suit wasn't very appealing and my child said "I don't understand why you're even wearing it". So I ditched it and relived my early 20's when I likewise went nude in the Santa Cruz mountains. I was so grateful that my own kid pointed out the uselessness of what I thought a taboo, naked mom in front of her opposite gender adult child.
I will end by saying that my child is in the process of transitioning into the female gender. At present the thought of surgery has been rejected, "queer" is enough of a disclaimer to forced gender roles. I only hope and wish that someday holiday nude beaches fully welcome those gender fluid folks, as they do gay and lesbian folks.
Perhaps we can all view our human family as a bunch of varied shells. I want that desperately for my emerging newly gendered adult child. And not just at the beach.
29
Beautiful story, beautifully written! Concise and poignant, heartfelt and heartwarming. Bravo Matt-well done! We are anxious to read more!
22
The story reminded me of my own venture to a nude beach following a conference. Fully clothed I felt so self-conscious that I stripped everything off and thought is was invisible behind my sunglasses and big wide sunhat. The friends I had gone with were old hands at public nudity and that helped to unwind me a bit. Then, to my horror, a tall, handsome man I had admired at the conference came striding across the sand in a beeline toward me. "Wow," he said, "I never expected to see you here!" I managed to choke out the first thing that came into my head, which was, "Wow, I never expected to see that much of you anywhere!"
So that was a fun recollection, but then I read the rest of the story and understood how different it would have been if I had been a gay man and there with my parents, who didn't know it. By the time I came to the end of his story I was in tears.
So much on both sides that had to be transcended to reunite as a loving, accepting family again.
Thank you.
26
Just love this. Well written and extraordinarily thoughtful.
14
I (also gay man who vacations with wonderful, loving parents) shared this article with my Mom, here's her comment.. "Matt has written such a heartwarming essay about the parent/gay son issue. I hope it will be read by many families who so need that special place of understanding found by those of us who are willing to be guided by love. Thank you for sending it. We loved it.. Makes the memories of that beach even better!"
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Wow - the mind reels at the grotesque and sordid imagery.... The wrinkled old dude gyrating his equipment with a hula hoop, then closely approaching with his half mast appendage at eye level. A naked lady sunbathing with - a goat? A condom in the sand, and don’t venture into the bushes? Not exactly a family beach destination. Guess the author meant to test his parents remarkable tolerance to the limit. Or maybe he’s still trying to figure out what’s appropriate? For their sake and his, let’s hope he develops greater respectfulness, civility and maturity in his lifestyle choices and activities.
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@Craig King Whole lotta coded homophobic language in this comment. His parents' tolerance is "remarkable," his "lifestyle choices and activities" are immature - and yet all you know about him from this essay is that he's a lawyer who recently ended a long-term relationship and sometimes likes to swim at an eccentric clothing-optional beach. Sounds like you think he's pushing the bounds of civilized behavior just by being gay.
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The last two sentences … are everything.
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As the mother of a dearly beloved lesbian daughter I will tell you that, while you may have your imperfections, as all of us do, your gayness is not among them.
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Wonderful. I think you can safely quit your day job...
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You are much MORE than “enough”—with or without your parents’ approval.
Never live down to others’ standards.
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I'm crying...
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Beautiful story............however...!
I never came out to my parents...I am not a puppet.....when the time came I introduced them to [my] choice of a life partner...my wonderful husband (we are now about to celebrate 33 years of marital bliss)...and that was that! ....Take it or leave it!
Brothers and sisters.....never live your life for the ignorant happiness of others!
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I have been to several nude beaches both in Europe and in Canada. I have to admit that swimming nude is wonderful, but I no longer wish to go to gay nude beaches as opposed to the straight ones. On straight nude beaches, people go for the liberating quality of the nudity. On the gay beaches the seductive element is barely under the surface. Never having had a terrific body, it was always a little disconcerting to strip off amongst other gays. Unless going there with a lover, I knew from the moment I arrived that I would almost certainly be ignored and frustrated, as the competition is fierce. Now in my 70's, it is even harder. Nudists say that nobody really pays attention - but on a gay beach that is not true at all. You are being judged from head to toe - and you are either made to feel like a Greek god or as yesterday's leftovers.
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Great story. All bodies are beautiful. Humans worry too much about what the world thinks of their outward appearances.
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One fine day, I’m going to go to a clothing optional beach. Alone, at night. I really don’t wish to frighten anyone.
Best Wishes.
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@Phyliss Dalmatian Never been, myself. But I've always loved the story a friend told about her first nude beach. She said: "At first you are all curled up and apprehensive-- but in a surprisingly short time you are eager to be seen by everybody, just as you are seeing them. You want to say, 'Hey look at me! What am I, chopped liver??"
May you enjoy your foray as much or more.
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@Phyliss Dalmatian
I was brought up in nudist /naturist camps. Once you get used to seeing everyone naked, wrinkled old folks as well as kids, the whole of the body becomes akin to someone's face.... it's like the face extended to the body (cant explain it, but maybe our beautiful author, Matt Knight, could).
Why would seeing you or anyone nude be more shocking as seeing your or someone's face?
PS: swimming naked is wonderful. Who care about other people's gaze!
Whoa! Wonderful storytelling and brilliant writing. I recall going to a mixed nude beach on Mykonos back in the early 1980s with my new wife and her mum and seeing them both topless together, laughing for the birdie (still have the photo). Experiencing a mother and daughter topless doesn't come close to the family secret and subsequent transformation that Matt Knight experienced. Great story!
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This piece is such a beautiful and touching tribute to his parents from Matt Pierce. It is such a seemingly simple day-at-the-beach tale, but I am completely choked up now.
Thank you so much for sharing, Matt Pierce, and for introducing us to your lovely parents.
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Of course you're "enough"! So happy you've been able to embrace yourself. And finally understand that you - undoubtedly - have always been a keeper to your parents. Beautiful piece!
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I'm glad your parents loved you far beyond their expectations and prejudices. I wish that for all children, gay and straight, of any age.
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Thankyou for sharing your experience and the beautiful outcome. I was quite young in the swinging 60's London, being gay was about to turn a corner. I always had a girl friend, going to fab clubs you could dance with them not a good-looking boy. I was coming to NY for my holidays and by the early 70's London and NY was a bit more relaxed about being a poofter, slang word for gay. I had confided my preference with an aunt who would come to London to visit her mother my grandmother who I lived with. It was an enormous hurdle, then I told some cousins, my aunts and cousins in NY knew and finally when I moved to NY 1974 I was more or less free. I brought my mother over to visit and one night I sat her down and told her I was gay. Her reply was As long as you're happy. That was everything
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In this time of so much tribal behavior it’s wonderful to see nothing but positive comments to your beautiful writing. Live long in love and good health.
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'Just as I have now come to love the beauty in the chipped edges of my mother’s shells, I came to see my imperfect self through my parents’ eyes and to know that I am a keeper. That I am enough.'
Kind of a dream for me with my mother - who would often call me fat, stupid, and lazy. because yes, I was, later, a Harvard grad, but I was a Harvard grad with a hearing problem and motor movement issues who always moved just a bit slower than everybody else. But thank you for reminding me it's well worth getting there, somehow, some day - to truly feel like 'enough'.
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Ah, your mother's sea shells.
My 83 yr old mom collects pine cones from places she's been. Every place she camped with family and friends.
A lot of them look the same, but not to her.
After the death of her husband, my beloved stepfather, my younger sister was helping her clean the house & remove his things. She pressed her on why so many, couldn't we get rid of some pine cones. Reluctantly, Mom got rid of some.
But now, my younger sister has begun bringing Mom pine cones from her travels. Last year, China and Egypt. She took Mom to see the Redwood trees and Yosemite - more pine cones. This year will bring a pine cone from Russia.
Each pine cone is a memory, a warm thought, a symbol of love and good times. We hope Mom's collection continues to grow.
Just like your mom's seashells.
Make sure to always keep some.
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@D. DeMarco As a child in Berlin, my grandmother painted pine cones with glitter to make Christmas tree ornaments. When she left Germany after Hitler came to power, she took the pine cones with her as a reminder of home. We still put them on the tree every year.
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Of all the prisons in the world, none are so strong as the ones we build for ourselves.
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@Greg
As the Eagles sang in Hotel California. "We are all prisoners of our own device." We do make our own Heaven and Hell. In any situation we hold the key. When we give peace to ourselves it quickly flows to others and then comes back to us.
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Some people shouldn't wear shorts, or go to nude beaches. I'm one of them, my scarred up legs and sort of flabby self would probably scare the children. So I don't do it.
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@BorisRoberts If you go to a nude beach you realize that most people don't look great naked. However, you don't go to look at the other people, but to feel the sand and the sun and the cool water and to feel free and sensuous. Try it.
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@jfdenver
Yes, and particularly you Boris should let the sun shine on your body. A nudist beach as jf Denver points out is not mean to gawk at others but at enjoying a direct link with nature.
And take my word for it, there's no better feeling than swimming in the nude. The next good feeling in sunbathing all your parts....
They are just being polite. You actually wore a speedo?
4
Golly, I thought for once I thought I was going to reach the end of the comments without finding a negative mean spirited reaction to a lovely personal essay. Almost - sigh!
David get the prize today.
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I love this so much. Thank you for sharing Matt.
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Beautiful!
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I'm crying on a Monday morning in my office when I'm supposed to be working. Thank you for your story.
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so beautiful! you are a keeper!!
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Excellent seashell analogy. i was so invested in the story I didn't see it coming. Congratulations on quality writing.
Good luck to you and your parents and God bless you. He loves us all.
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Lovely and beautifully written.
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As a gay man myself, I empathize with Mr. Wright’s story. Coming out, especially to one’s parents, is rarely simple, easy, or quick. For many like me, it’s a process.
I needed time to dispel the fears I had about coming out to my parents - which proved to be be far more dire than the reality ended up being. And, my parents needed time to adjust and settle into the core unconditional love many parents have for their children.
Eight months before my dad passed, I visited him in California. I lived in Florida. But for this visit, I brought my partner. I was determined not to forsake the man I love.
My dad, who was a previous homophobic “man’s man”, greeted my partner with unexpected kindness. Dad showed interest in him as a person - asking questions about his life, what he did for a living, and about his parents. We three had a wonderful conversation over dinner. By accepting my partner, dad finally accepted me.
I still tear up thinking about dad’s kindness and grace so near to his death. It took him ten years to fully accept and love me as his gay son, but the amount of time does not matter.
Dad revealed his own truth as a man - flawed like we all are - but at heart a person who sees beyond the self to love their child for who they uniquely are.
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You had a better relationship with your parents than you thought. I’m happy for you. It speaks well of your upbringing and family dynamics. Many of us with no big secret to work around discovered over the years that we really had nothing to share or hide or to bind us to them.
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What an amazing story. Although I came out to my parents at the age of 30 in 1992, we never shared much or spent much time together, having moved here from Europe.
It leaves a void in your life to think that the two people that should have been the closest to you, know so little about you that they are merely acquaintances.....
12
The metaphor of the sea shells hiding the soft underbelly of vulnerability and Truth works nicely throughout, particularly as the mother seems to prefer the imperfect ones, "chinked with tide-tumbled battle scars." A very hopeful story.
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Thank you for sharing this beautiful, hopeful story. You and your parents are so lucky to have each other.
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This was beautiful, and a lesson for us all. Thank you.
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Peeling back the emotional layers to find unconditional love, beautifully rendered. Thanks so much for this.
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@walt amses Matt's article is indeed, poignant. Your simply worded response is profound !
I'm a 70 year-old parental caregiver who has guarded my privacy to the point "the me" really doesn't exist. I am the wise uncle to whom the nephews come to reveal their 'inner skin'. I meet the BF's and organize the sleeping arrangements. And, in the moments of stillness, I muse on "what if I had......". But that is all okay ! What may be fantasies for some are memories for me.
Bless You !
9
It's always laudable for adults of any sexuality to make efforts to bond with their parents as peers. Few things are more damaging to family relationships than the You'll-always-be-my-baby mentality. Incidentally, according to current wisdom, coming out to one's parents is seldom the dramatic shock it's so often purported to be, since they weren't exactly born yesterday and probably suspected all along anyway.
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@Hans Christian Brando Your point about “...my-baby mentality” being transcended by Adult Equality is richly valid in my personal experience. However: “Current wisdom” based on “probably”?! Wisdom is absolute, not conjecture, yes? Suggest you check-out “Coming Out Stories” on YouTube. Your “.,,seldom the dramatic shock so often purported” may be in for a reevaluation. And even if it were “seldom,” quantity does not alleviate the quality of heart-wrenching endured by both Homo and Homophobe in any single instance. And perhaps yourself as you witness Truth setting free, eventually in most cases, those enduring growth. Empathy begets Wisdom.
3
This is beautiful, and beautifully told. Thank you for sharing it.
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As a mother of (soon to be) 4 sons, your beautiful prose had me both laughing and saddened. Thank you for sharing your experience and the relationship evolution you have had with your parents. I can only hope that our sons feel comfortable and loved enough to share their imperfect selves with us.
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Bravo! What a beautiful story.
You are enough.
We are all imperfect beings deserving of love.
Gorgeous.
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Bravo, both the experience and the expression of it are as beautiful as they are inspiring.
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A gorgeous story, thank you. I only wish you and your parents had discovered each other even sooner. It is wonderful that you all appreciate each other so.
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This was such an interesting story and intriguing. Experiences are what makes us whole and less judgemental.
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Thank you for this wonderful story.
While my coming out to my parents, at age 40, was an entirely different (and less revealing) circumstance, I can relate to having the layers peeled back. The fear I carried, unsure the reaction I would receive, turned out to be unfounded in every way and actually made us closer.
I will always regret that my father did not live long enough afterward to truly get to know my then partner and now husband. I will always remember when, only hours after he passed, my Mom sat down with me to tell me how proud he had told her he was of me and of who I was.
Sadly, not all parents grasp that acceptance but for those of us whose parents do/did, the peeling back of those layers of protections, even showing all the nicks and dents and imperfections, it is so liberating.
35
Your shared story of family makes me smile for two reasons - it is heartwarming to hear about your parents' joining your true life in a gentle and unexpected way. Some of your excellent qualities were inherited from them and your relationship is proof. Also, my husband and I visited Little Beach on our honeymoon on 1996; when I go from this Earth, my children will dig through my stuff and find photos of me that are contrary to they way they knew me as a parent. Those few pics are less tacky than the fact that we drove our poor rental car from the Road to Hana on that bumpy cliff for which the car rental agencies have you sign a waiver explicitly stating you will not do so (the road is rutted and muddy, so it's not only bad for the car but you could easily get stuck.) Driving that road at 7 mph was unlike anything else we did - we saw the most scenic views and learned to accept the consequences of mischief, which served us well in parenting. We still talk about that bumpy road more than the unlikely nudity we shared in public. I am not surprised your Mom had a vision of the best beachcombing she could have despite the requirements to do so. Live a little.
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"Not perfect, but a keeper" excellent words to live by. Thank you for this.
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Beautiful essay; thanks for making me think about how to create circumstances and settings that invite vulnerability and closer connections.
26
There are many who wish they had your parents Matt, gay and straight. Me too. There are parents who should never have been parents.
What a beautiful gift your story is to us all, and beautifully written.
Thank you.
38
You have always been a keeper Matt. Thanks for sharing.
25
To my brother, whom I love deeply - you are enough! Love the article, and if sea shells could only talk.......
77
As another collector of imperfectly beautiful shells and stones, I am sure your mother treasures the beach combing experience you arranged as one of the most sparkling treasures ever found.
13
Matt I am straight. I am also a nudist. I have felt the same pressures simply because I am a nudist. My mom periodically asks if I still go to "nudie" places. I always answer yes. My dad who died almost exactly 2 years ago always asks when I am going to where pants. You see I have Scottish and Irish ancestry on my moms side and discovered Kilts back when I started practically "LIVING" at renaissance festivals. Now for 12 years starting with my first Great Kilt, and a couple years later with my casual daily kilts, all I wear now are kilts. Mom excepted it, but I learned recently she does not care for it. Not sure dad ever did. I knew they both cared even if they did not except some of my choices. As a said in the beginning, I am straight, however if you visited a nude beach near me, I would be cool sharing a beach blanket with you.
18
Matt this is so beautiful, so naked. i’m so proud of this and of you!
12
Incredibly well-written, sensitive, humane and timely. Matt Knight is a modern-day Shakespeare!
9
Beautiful. Thanks for writing this.
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Beautiful essay. I was most taken with the second half, where the author makes it clear that coming out isn’t a one-and-done event, but one that unfolds over time. Rituals of any kind can move this process along, but the opportunities for these diminish as our children grow into adulthood. As the parent if a transgender young adult, I’m grateful for my son’s patience with me as I re-learned how to parent the new-not-new person in my home. Our rituals include re-watching Miyazaki films—one way for us to realign family-time memory with his true self. My son’s honesty and authenticity have challenged me to find my own, and in learning to be the parent he needs, I’ve received a gift that I never expected, and would never return.
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This article shows two facts straight people may not think about. Only LGBT people are a minority different from (in almost all cases) their parents. Blacks have Black parents; Asians have Asian parents. Very few LGBT people have LGBT parents.
Furthermore, in most cases, Gayness is invisible, especially if you don't want to see it. Only LGBT people have to tell everyone about their minority status.
These two facts lead to unique problems that may cause further problems down the road. It's almost never easy.
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@akamai
Deaf children can have hearing parents and blind children can have sighted parents. Deafness can be invisible as well.
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@akamai
I hear you, and ask that you add these.
By now we are, or mostly are, becoming familiar with the evil that is the more extreme version of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We see it every day in the Oval Office.
Yes, he has other Personality Disorders as well, and not all Malignant Narcissists are quite as bad , but these are the worst of parents.
Their children all recognise Trump. They all, whether still young or now adult, live with this evil hour by hour, minute by minute, on a daily basis.
These children find no acceptance, or love or affection, or nurturing in their relationship with their one or both parents with this Personality Disorder, treated as a belonging of the parent.
These too are silent sufferers. Some survive. Some don’t.
Reading about an accepting relationship with parents is beautiful.
3
Oh, I'm not so sure. I think that observant Mom's know, but don't say anything. They wait patiently until you are ready.
5
I’m 66 now and could never imagine such an opening like this with my parents. My mother was anathema to even having her friends know of my gayness. She always asked what my partner-now-husband and I would do with our house when we married...women. She thought my partner would be a good match for my sister. She would not let my sisters sleep in the same room with their partners until they were married. My partner and I could tho, go figure! I do hope that future generations get this right.
34
I loved this story.... while a nude beach is the last place on earth I would want to take my parents, I loved reading about your experience doing just that. Beautiful writing and loved the progression of the relationship with your parents. Please write another one!!! Bravo!!!
55
Lovely story, beautifully written.
16
Bravo! Beautiful, brought tears to my eyes! Thank you for the beautiful story and writing. Perfect to reflect on through the weekend. Looking forward to reading your literary works.
22
Clearly you are devastatingly bright and that, I believe, is either an inherited gift, usually, or a god given gift like the gift of a musical talent or as an artist. Things that are not taught in books, gathering insight and information that passes between people is another gift. You have also been well trained and educated. Your parents are treasures too. My mom, extremely sharp and intelligent, gave the wit and wisdom gift to my brothers who have that keen sense. I inherited sweetness and soul from my dad. You have resonated with many. Gay people are not the only ones whose secrets are sometimes laid bare. We are almost all taught by what is not discussed, what not to discuss. We all need to share and be seen. If more of us led the lives we think we live, we would be a better country. We must live and let live, to be truly free. You are a truly free person, evolving, but free. All the best to you Matt. I cannot wait to read your literary offerings.
40
This is one of the loveliest, deftest uses of an extended metaphor that I have read. The closing line wrote itself in the opening one. Wharton once said that that is how she wrote her novels...that one could guess the end in the beginning but it takes a talented writer to limn the space between and make it all feel seamless.
Beautiful.
93
Oh my gosh. I loved this! Your writing is beautiful. I loved the choice of words you used to describe your feelings and the humor you used to portray the situation. Not only was this delight to read but it also provides all of us with a glimpse of what it is like to experience life through the eyes of a gay man. I predict you will be an extremely successful novelist. You have my vote!
59
Beautiful and brave. I bow to you Mr. Knight.
18
Beautifully written, it brought tears to my eyes.
33
What a lovely story. It brought tears to my eyes.
28
A gorgeous story about the love between parents and children and how our relationships evolve through time. Gay or straight, this resonated with me and touched my heart. Thank you for your beautiful words.
63
I have always accepted people for who they are and that includes my gay son. I worried about what the world would do to him emotionally and physically and wanted him safe and happy.
He is a University Professor married to another Academic fellow after his early struggles to fit into the world.
I love your story, am struck by what your parents figured out on their own and waited for you to come to them and open your soul. I did the same thing.
I will be sending this story to my son and son in law.
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@Margaret
Kuddos to you for accepting your son no matter what. My mom's words when I came out were exactly the same as yours: she was afraid of what the world would do to me.
Truth is: the world is awful for LGBTQ folks, especially the school years, even in the US, even in Finland. Yes, it has gotten better, but it seems to have become just awful, instead of unbearable. However, my parents' acceptance was what made it easier, and gave me the mental strength to fight/survive the abuse.
Sounds like your support helped your son find a stable, happy life for himself.
What a sweet story, so well written. Great job!
26
What a sweet, lovely story! You made me smile and cry too.
38
Such a beautifully written and tender story that resonates with bonding, evolution and shared moments that will last a life time for both son and his parents......laughter, tears and honesty woven into a delicate treatise.....Wonderful...
27
What a beautifully written and heartfelt article Matt. You artfully articulated your feelings and experiences. I look forward to reading your future articles and novels!
43
Wow--- you are an amazing writer. Looking forward to reading your future novels.
41
'Our vacations became a ritual - Italy, London, Australia, Prague. Over time I removed layers of exoskeleton...' Matt Knight has experinces of being Gay with his extraordinarily rich parents that probably no one else can relate to. Certainly no one I know, or ever will. As a former San Franciscan myself, (decades ago before living in the city became a dream only the very wealthy could afford to dream of, much less make happen), I'm not sure WHO you are writing this story for? The other gay men in America who's parents derived benifits from Trump's Tax Cuts that went to that 1%, only to whine about your perceived problems?
6
@david I can relate to it -- I'm not gay, not excessively rich, but at the end of the day people have their own realities -- and love and tenderness, kindness and acceptance -- help us all deal with those realities.
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@david
I wonder how you would react if some version of this story had been told by someone reared in modest means and a commenter dismissed it because they couldn't relate to a poor person's story. If the size of a person's bank account, large or small, prevents you from identifying with their humanity then the problem is yours, not theirs. I hope one day you can overcome your prejudices and see the humanity in all people, rich or poor.
107
@david I can also relate to it David. I'm a 70 year old not rich white woman. It's just a human story about making a connection. The outside places are not important.
115
What a beautifully written essay. I wish all parents could see their kids with the same acceptance as we see the differences in seashells.
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