I have two dogs. As a woman, they allow me to walk the woods and in my city alone, to enjoy the forest and streets and know predators and harassers won’t come near me. As soon as I bought my house I got my baby pit mix. It really does fix a lot of things to get a dog. Unconditional love is the best love. They are demanding and totally worth it.
Recently I’ve realized more about my upbringing and my dads trusted friend. His mentor ship and care as a kid gave me attention when my own father was drunk in the down stairs apartment in a Brooklyn brownstone. When I was a teenager, the same family friend tried to be with me sexually and he told me how he always wanted me, since I was a girl. Our family cut contact with him at that time years ago. The thing is I keep recalling different things as a small kid- a six year old- like sitting on his lap and him peeing on me once. These memories are disturbing. It’s true . You start doubting yourself- if anyone cared for you for real your entire life or if it’s all just manipulation. It is so difficult to have had a caretaker and predator in the same person and how to process that- where to put it.
I’m glad I have the pups I can trust.
9
Too often suffering comes before justice.
3
My cat trained himself to tell me when it was time to remove myself from my desk and go downstairs for dinner and then for him to sit on my lap. If I ignored him, he'd come back within 5 minutes. Too much time at the desk is not good for me. He seemed to know this instinctively. Either that, or he wanted to sit on my lap.
6
It’s interesting that I also have nightmares and get help from my cat. My nightmares are not caused by abuse per se but by anxiety and an overactive mind. When I wake from a nightmare I need to stay awake for awhile and try to relax- I pet my cat till I begin to relax and that helps me calm down and forget the nightmare and not process it. Just petting Emma, my cat helps me cope with the bad dreams. Interestingly I am a retired small animal veterinarian of 45 years practice and just realized how my cat can be of help to me with my chronic nightmares. In this age of anxiety pets can sure be a help.
Don Marcus, Methuen MA
15
I'm so very sorry for what you went through! Using this experience to help others is a beautiful thing to see!! Good luck with your work, recovery and the ongoing training with your Bentley!
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My puppy came pre-programmed to respond to any stress in my life. If I have a bad dream, she's got her face in mine to wake me up.
12
Beautiful story, beautiful human, beautiful dog.
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The fact that the body memory of the abuse demostrates the physical injury caused by the abuse. If nothing else, she has neurological connections caused by the abuse which must be addressed and "rewired." Additionally, such abuse can alter the victims' epigenetics so that the victims should no be tested for the epigenetic trauma markers. These can be passed to offspring, but can be treated.
When will the abusers and enablers ever be called on to pay the big bucks for the physical injury they cause and allow by their callous neglect?
14
I should have said "medical injury" rather than physical, even though psychological symptomatology with PTSD can be spectacularly physical. For example, I heard of one disassociative identity disorder patient whose glasses correction changed if there was a PTSD trigger.
Now if we can just get a poster dog for all those kids suffering abuse by neglect in detention.
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Imagine the kids at the border and in the camps and the trauma that is forever altering them.
6
I would occasionally have night terrors, where I would partially wake up from a fractured sleep, feel like I could hear and think rationally but was unable to move. This affliction is also called sleep paralysis. Often it is accompanied by the thought that there is a malicious intruder in the room: supernatural or alien or a home invader. Just hearing my dog gently snoring beside me would reassure me that the room was safe and I would know this was nothing more than my sleep paralysis again. In a few minutes the paralysis would end and I could move. Another reason to sleep with a dog nearby.
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Seconding John O'Briennj - NYTimes, please get your terms right! This dog is trained and acting as a Service Dog, and, as long as he is well behaved, should have public access.
Confusing the two (as well as all the people trying to get access by faking service dogs) causes untold extra difficulty for those who need and use service dogs. You are the reporting pros - please get your facts right - what you say is in the public record.
Service dogs work for people with a disability and have specific trained tasks for that disability. Support or comfort provided by emotional support dogs comes through companionship, not specific trained tasks. This dog has specific trained tasks - waking Ms French from night terrors and checking her surroundings. PTSD dogs for veterans are trained for the same tasks as well as other tasks to stop or prevent flashbacks and panic attacks.
As an aside, I mentioned that service dogs need to be well behaved. Service dogs who are disruptive can be asked to leave an establishment, and needs more training or evaluation for their task. However, odds are that Service dogs are more likely to be well behaved and the fakes are more likely to be the ones causing a ruckus.
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@CF How does this dog service the owner in public, does the dog allay daytime terrors? Ms French has a mental condition, not a disability. The wonderful Bentley is used for emotional support, not to navigate daily life.
1
As a side note - trauma- ptsd is a disability -
2
A great story and so happy you are doing better Grace. Dogs are truly man's best friend and help so many in their time of need from cadaver dogs, guide dogs, service dogs, emotional support animals and just plain pets. There is nothing better than coming home to a smiling face from your dog.
5
Animals are healers. And they are very sensitive to human emotions. Anyone who has owned a cat or a dog knows this. I have never experienced abuse from another human being but I do know that when I am having a lousy day, my cat will crawl into my lap and start purring. Then the day doesn't seem so lousy.
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@susan Like you, I have never been physically abused, but there are lots of other traumas people can experience. My husband died recently and his last days were like something out of a horror movie-not the fault of the medical caregivers, but of the disease. In the days since, whenever I was becoming anxious, depressed with grief, or going ahead and crying, two or three of the cats in my house (I have 12, and I am not a hoarder. They are very well cared for, even though it's a lot of work.) will come climb into my lap, or lie partially on the top of the couch, partially on top of my shoulders, or on my legs if my feet are propped on the ottoman. They will often touch me with a paw first, and may meow the caregiving meow. While with me, they will almost constantly purr. I have actually had as many as five cats on me at once, providing emotional support.
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Heartbreaking story. The breathtaking innocence of dogs heals.
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As has been stated before, the title is incorrect. This is not a "guide" dog. That term is used only in conjunction with Seeing Eye dogs or Guide Dogs for the Blind. This is a Psychiatric Service Dog. All Service Dogs are task-trained, they include guide dogs for the blind, hearing ear dogs, mobility support dogs, dogs who reach and retrieve objects, etc., dogs who alert to low blood glucose, seizures, panic attacks, etc., dogs for pressure therapy, etc. The owners of Service dogs have the right to take their very well-trained dog into public places and the right for the public not to interfere with these dogs. Emotional Support Dogs are not task-trained and are permitted on some forms of travel and in housing. And then are the despicable people who fake.
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Love this story. I do take issue with reference to Larry Nassar as a “doctor.” He was a predatory quack who managed to hide behind his medical license for way too long.
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@EE
He was an MD, which allowed him to be In an intimate position with trust. That's how he could Abuse. He was also a predatory quack, an abuser, and an evil man.
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What an amazing photo.
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What a beautiful baby and a very good boy! Wishing Ms. French much happiness and Bentley lots of belly rubs and games of fetch.
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Your dog has beautiful wise old eyes. I hope you have many happy days together
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named after the former dancer toni?
Thank you dogs.
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GOD spelled backwards
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Thank you for this beautiful story of healing. I wish Ms. French and Bentley all the best.
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A moving story with a positive ending. Good for her and good for Bentley.
It must help the healing to know that the perpetrator is locked up and can't get out.
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For anyone suffering with PTSD, especially those who don't remember or only have the body memories of it, I highly recommend The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk. I spent a month as a patient at a military sexual trauma unit and I have seen firsthand the way that this book can change lives.
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@Alyssa
I second this recommendation. This book is The Bible of Complex PTSD.
If you have PTSD, read it WILL change your life.
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Yes, I recommend it as well.
Healing after trauma is not a straight line; victims of such abuse will experience varying forms of PTSD for the rest of their lives. I'm very happy to see that animal therapy and service animals has gained validity as a form of treatment. Stories such as this one do a great service to people who can benefit from this type of treatment. Hopefully more funds - both public and private - will become available to train the dogs and provide victims with service & emotional support animals. They won't put the pharmaceutical industry out of business, but they might be helpful enough to ease up on a few prescriptions.
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The DoD PTSD center here is extremely interdisciplinary with acupuncture, meditation, PT, talk therapy, bio-feed back, etc. All to get the service member back to a workable life. Meds may not even be the most direct path to functionality, sometimes just detour. It's clear that the dog therapy has been successful in this article, and it is almost certain that Ms French has experienced beneficial biochemical changes due to Bentley. (Clinical trials, anyone?)
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Oxytocin. Cuddle hormone. Just looking
At our trusted dogs gives us both a dose. Cuddling even more!
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One correction. Bentley is not an emotional support dog, he's a service dog. The difference is that service dogs are actually trained to perform behaviors to help their human partners. Emotional support animals may just "be there". This difference is crucial, especially with the rampant abuse of the term emotional support animals to bring pets onto planes and other public accommodations.
Service dogs are covered under ADA and can go places with their partners. ESAs aren't.
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@ME Most airlines, and some other venues, depending on the state, allow emotional support animals.
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@Linda Too many people are trying to smuggle pitbulls as ESAs. There are lawsuits by victims who have had their faces torn up by ESA pits.
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That beautiful mug alone could make me feel safe and loved in a heartbeat.
I've always felt the love I've gotten from every one of the cats and dogs that has ever graced my life was borderline miraculous.
Their presence alone has saved me from my darkest moments/episodes well as prevents me from falling back into the deepest depression.
They truly have kept me feeling safe, needed, and loved. And every morning, all I need to start the day right is to look at their beautiful and magical mug.
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@Marge Keller Thank you so much for sharing, Marge. I agree!
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Beautiful story. I also have trauma and struggled for many years thinking that a relationship would heal this. That wasn't really working. My sister had cats and I fell in love with them. Not really being a cat person myself, I decided to adopt one. Now I have three and they have been very healing to me in ways that I wasn't able to fix. They aren't "trained" per se, I just adopted them, but I have helped them and they have helped me. Maybe a relationship is in my future or not, but I realized that there was a lot of pain that I had to heal (and still healing). It was a good and unexpected decision for me. I wish her health and healing.
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@Sally L. Thank you so much, Sally. I will pass this along to Grace.
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Thank you for this story. I, fortunately, do not suffer from the lingering effects of trauma. However, I often feel that my dog, Pepper, knows when I am troubled or anxious. She comes and stands beside me, gazing intently into my face, as if asking a question. Sometimes, I have thought that she wants to go out or to have her ball thrown, but she shows no interest in these activities when offered. I think she senses, perhaps better than I do, when I just need her quiet, accepting support. Dogs are amazing.
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During my most difficult times, my dog was there: he sensed them with his own emotional IQ, he helped me to deal with it and move on. He's gone now, and much grieved--but the memory of how he was always there means that in some ways he always will be there. He helped me be more attuned to the world around me and I will always be grateful for that. For a person with great emotional difficulties, like Grace, that kind of help would be without compare. We do see this kind of empathetic connection with other animals too: especially horses, cats and even some birds like parrots. It even happens with cows from time to time. So, please consider how we can help them too.
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I am moved by the advocacy of any survivor from what I have long termed "violation". Maybe I am parsing words or perhaps I lend precision. I do not do this to be critical in any way. Eons ago I tried to spare young people the inevitable, as though I had a crystal ball from my own upbringing. Behold the only child I have ever had is a dog. My current four-legged hero bears with me with such strength, affection, and comedy that I feel lucky sometimes.
I wish only the surface military lingo would lose favor. A battle this, an army that misrepresents the true physiological change that a dog indeed senses. Indeed, therapy cannot sense it, or talk it away, and there's only so much deep breathing one can do.
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I was moved by the story, as many were. Additionally, I want to recognize the service of the trainer. A person suffering with trauma would be hard-pressed to also train a puppy. Making this work will almost always require the trainer/ "support human" too.
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Dogs (and cats) are often times smarter than people and are usually more compassionate, sensitive and in tune to our emotions.
When our sweet, perfect chocolate lab Abby was in our life, she instinctively knew when I needed her comfort and soft, warm body to lean into when my husband was in the hospital with a life threatening illness. She kept me focused, helped calm my fears and anxiety, and provided endless smooches on my face to wipe my tears away.
Our cat Fred fulfills similar needs. Sometimes I think he could be a reincarnated version of our sweet Abby. Many a night when I am completely at my wits end, good old Fred is right there, waiting to purr my problems away.
I have such joy in my heart after reading how that sweet Bentley with a mug that could manipulate a butcher out of his best cut of meat is able to help Grace French.
This story is a perfect example of how effective and helpful animals can be if given the opportunity and chance to prove their stuff.
One of the biggest challenges animals like dogs and cats face is when humans seem to miss just how smart and clever they are and how helpful they can be.
Well done Bentley and the best of continued progress Ms. French. Thank you for sharing such an important story.
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I graduated from MSU, and my husband retired from the university. Our daughter works in the college where Nassar was employed. I will never feel the same about my alma mater. I feel a lot of guilt that I have supported this university that allowed Nassar to abuse girls for years. My heart goes out to the victim-survivors.
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What a beautiful result of friendship! I am not referring to Ms. French and Bentley but to her and her professional dog trainer friend. There must have been a lot of trust in the relationship for her to confide her Nassar problem to the friend. Then the friend was able to use their professional skills to suggest a concrete (OK, furry) solution and follow through to make it happen. The friend must be awfully happy and rightly proud of the result. Ms. French and Bentley seem pretty pleased with that result, too.
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As a practicing psychotherapist specializing in trauma work this essay draws a smile from me..and yes my beloved helper, Lada, a Golden Retriever. What is worth mentioning is the added bonus that helps stimulate the hormone oxytocin. Studies have displayed this can be activated through the relationship between one and their helper dog (yes, other animals can help). Oxytocin also has physical benefits as well, we cannot separate the mindbody in healing. Many articles on oxytocin and the wonderful animal/human connection. And yes, our helper animals like to rest, run, swim, play, and above all love us.
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@Joanna Thank you, Joanna!
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What I find interesting is that this dog serves as both a service animal and an assistance animal (an ESA is one type of assistance animal. I don't think anyone reading this article would doubt that Bently provides Ms. French with immeasurable benefits as both a service and assistance animal, despite the fact that she doesn't look like she has a disability.
I hope this article will start to debunk the myths about assistance animals. They are as crucial for individuals living with a disability as a cane, orthotics, and anti-depressants.
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@Abby In fact, many people with disabilities and ADA service animals have disabilities that are not visible. This is why I have so little tolerance for improperly trained "emotional support animals." I see them on airplanes all the time. These dogs have been known to attack service animals, so people with disabilities become unwitting victims of the ESA owners' selfishness. I'm not implying that Ms. French's dog is anything other than a fantastic service dog, by the way. I've seen first-hand the power of our dog-human alliances and am thankful that Bentley is part of Ms. French's life.
4
I’d question the idea that “most kids” don’t remember abuse until they’re adults. I never forgot mine, not for a second.
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The message I got from the article was that many kids don’t realize it’s abuse until they’re older and really understand what constitutes abuse.
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@marilyn
There is physical abuse and then there is emotional abuse. Physical abuse often leaves tangible scars. Emotional abuse always leaves intangible scars.
While my father never raised a hand to me, his constant emotional abuse to me when I was young will last a life time. There are moments when I cannot get his voice out of my head - his berating me, belittling me, telling me I'm stupid, insisting that it's a waste of time and money to pursue my ambitions in classical music. The list goes on and on and on.
In the end - anything less than loving, supporting, cherishing a child is a form of abuse or neglect.
8
When you’re quite small it is harder to remember.
Dear editors of the New York Times: Please learn the differences of "Guide" dogs, "Service" dogs and "Emotional Support Animals". The headline of this story states in big bold letters that Bentley is a guide dog. He is not. Guide dogs assist blind people. Service dogs perform physical tasks, such as waking someone from a night terror, assisting with balance, retrieving dropped items, etc. Emotional Support Animals provide some sort of emotional comfort that has nothing to do with certified Guide or Service functions. The trainer who is mentioned in the story does not train "Support" dogs for Veterans; The trainer obviously trains Service dogs. Again, another glowing example of not knowing the differences which the paper has the responsibility to know. Otherwise, it is all misinformation and conjecture. If your reporters and editors need to research this topic, I would say they need to reach out Assistance Dogs International. They are the standard bearers for Guide and Service training.
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@John OBrienj
The article described a dog that is trained to do physical tasks to assist a woman with PTSD. He interrupts her nightmares, scans a room to assure her that there are no intruders, and provides body pressure by climbing onto her lap on command. These are documented PTSD dog tasks, not merely the emotional support anyone gets from having a dog.
The writer, and the handler, used imprecise language, but this is a service dog well with in ADI guidelines. And mental health disabilities are as real as any other disability, even if (a) they don't show on the surface, and (b) are often claimed by people who don't actually have a clinical diagnosis.
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@John OBrienj Important and valued differentiations in canine trainings aside, perhaps the paper determined that the hook of the title was a metaphoric truth? There is a temporary blindness instigated by sleep and trauma. Perhaps better served if the dedicated pooch went by the name of Charon.
@Prudence,
I think you misinterpreted what Mr. OBianj wrote. You both seem to be saying the same thing. Perhaps it was easy to miss his mention of "waking someone to night terrors" in his enumeration of the functions of Service Dogs. To me, he meant that reference to put Bentley in the category of Service Dog, neither a Guide Dog nor a support dog, both terms used by the NYT to describe him.
9
Dogs should write a book on steadfast love. And everybody should be mandated to read it.
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A dog should run for President- it’s the only thing red and blue states agree on. We all love our dogs.
Mans best friend comes through again.so often human behavior is so terrible,as animals behave with nothing but unconditional love,strange world we live in.the gift of support dogs is amazing.
30
May Bentley give you the comfort you sorely needed and may your nightmares become history. You are a brave woman & you have millions of good wishes coming your way. Be strong.
38
Bentley is a lovely sproodle, and dogs are fantastic creatures.
37
Thank you New York Times for continuing to cover these important out-growths of the #MeToo movement. Predatory behavior cannot stand the light of public scrutiny. I can only wish the best to Nassar's many survivors and thank them for their courage moving forward.
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@Elise Thank you, Elise.
4
Our rescue mutt wakes me with a nuzzle when I talk in my sleep. She also keeps the squirrels out of the yard and pre-cleans the dishes. She is one hard working doggy!
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Thanks for sharing this experience of healing and for sharing the healing and kindness!
12
Bentley is a trained emotional support dog, not just a pet with "paperwork" stating he is an emotional support animal.
You can buy that paperwork online and it will give you "credentials" to use your pet....not necessarily a dog or cat....as an emotional support animal and allows you to take them into stores, restaurants, on airlines, to doctor's offices and so on. This is bogus and denigrates what trained emotional support animals (most are dogs) actually do.
I just read an article that the airlines are now tightening their requirements for what constitutes an emotional support animal on an airliner. Apparently some people were using to avoid the charge for shipping a pet; others just wanted their pet along side them on board. Neither of these things have anything to do with emotional support.
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RLiss— There’s a lot of incorrect information in your comment. Bentley is actually a service dog, because he is performing a service to someone who (presumably) has a disability.
While you are correct that individuals have abused the system, emotional support dogs need not perform any tasks to be deemed legitimate in the eye of the law. They also do not need to be permitted in stores. Emotional support dogs currently have special status in only travel and housing accommodations.
17
@J Bentley does a range of tasks that are common for PTSD service dogs - he interrupts sleep problems (nightmares, but could also be narcolepsy problems or other sleep disorders), he scans a room to assure his handler of physical safety, and he provides deep body pressure. Other PTSD service dog tasks are standing close to the handler and between her and other people, making a small noise to give her an excuse to exit a room when she's having anxiety symtoms, and responding to self-harming episodes with distracting behaviors.
PTSD service dogs are as real as any other service dog and well within ADI standards, even if (a) PTSD does not show on one's face, and (b) people often do not understand that the tasks these dogs perform go well beyond the emotional support that every dog owner gets from living with a dog.
Basically, if a dog is trained to do specific behaviors to remediate a clinical symptom, it's a service dog. If it just gets its handler up on time because it has to pee, or it snuggles on the sofa during Netflix binges, that's an emotional support dog. If it's been trained to do specific tasks for specific symptoms, it's a service dog.
3
@Prudence did you mean to direct that comment at me? The only reason why I said “presumably” is because to my recollection the actual PTSD diagnosis was not given in the article. However, from the information given it could be presumed. Otherwise I think we’re in complete agreement.
There is definitely a knowledgeable gap in the general population not understanding the difference between an Emotional Support Animal and a Psychiatric Service Dog.
1
What a touching story of courage, determination and love. I am sorry for all the pain...but so encouraged by the healing. Wishing Ms. French and Bentley many happy days together.
58
We are seeing animals increasingly used for healing purposes. I just want to point out that the work can be hard for them and we need to be aware of that. Animals have internal lives of their own. They should not be here just to serve us. Helping person to heal can be stressful and take a toll on them. I am not saying this dog did not enjoy his work but not all animals can handle it and we must make sure we have the tools (and we need to develop those tools as we have a long way to go in that regard) for assessing their well-being as well.
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Yes, they should be well trained and treated with sensitivity, but dogs love to love...just as there are humans whose life calling is to respond to trauma and help others heal. Like with people, if the role fits the dog’s temperament, brings purpose, and feels rewarding, then it’s a good fit. Yes, some dogs can’t handle it, but most humans can’t either.
21
@Kim While there may be some truth to your concern that caring for humans may be stressful for some dogs, it is also true that most dogs thrive when they have a job or a purpose. In addition, they benefit from the oxytocin bump that they share with humans when in close physical contact. They are social creatures and research has indicated that they are capable of interspecies relationships. So, just like humans, their lives are enhanced by caring for others.
21
@Kim Thank you for making this important point. I am a trauma therapist and my hard working (and smart, sweet, beautiful) co-therapist is a German Shepherd. It is critical for humans who do this work to recognize and attend to experiencing secondary trauma. I do this for my dog as well. He began working with me at 18 months, and I observed him learn to detach from a session when he was overstimulated. He gets regular massage and of course lots of walks to stay balanced. He'll be 7 this week and he seems to still love his work.
8
Thank you Ms. Pesta for your work and advocacy here. This piece will be read by my sister and myself to and for our mid 80's Mom. She was abused very early in life and never moved on. Her struggle is so foundational that it has limited and impacted her a lifetime. However, with the increasing shared experiences like your own, Me Too, and societal recognition, Mom has grown and become stronger these last few years. She is now in a place to allow others to help her move on.
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@Jon Thank you so much, Jon. My heart is with you and your family. I'm so glad to hear that your mom is growing stronger. That's the power in sharing these stories. This is why Grace shared her story, and she will be happy to hear that you and your sister are reading it to your mom. Best, Abigail Pesta
9
Thanks for your bravery and courage, for both dealing with your trauma, and for modelling for others that we can heal, and stop the cycle of passing it to future generations.
22
This is a story about an actual trained support animal, which has served its owner so well in her recovery by doing a job. This is different than the legions of “support animals” who enjoy undeserved rights in public spaces due to owner preferences and pliable mental health professionals who endorse those preferences.
39
If you are going to discuss the nuance of the law, you ought to understand it first. ESA’s need not be trained. This is actually an example of a trained psychiatric service dog.
2
Thank you for sharing this wonderful story and thank you Ms. Pesta for your book which I can’t wait to read.
22
@AGJ Thank you so much for reading the story and the book! The brave women who shared their stories for this book, many for the first time, did so to help others. There is true power in their stories. Best, Abigail Pesta
2
Beautiful story about a courageous young woman! So happy to hear you are healing from your trauma! Sending love and support!
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