"I'll Never Be Ashamed of My Abortion" is a misleading headline. I clicked because the headline promised a probe into the ethical questions abortion arouses and how one woman who chose abortion wrestled with those questions. That's not what this article delivers. The broken promise is evident in the very first paragraph, a narcissistic and racial politics paragraph where the author, for reasons we can only guess at, thrusts her African American identity, not the ethics of abortion, front and center. Are black women excused from moral judgment by largely white readers? Perhaps the author hopes for that exculpation.
Me, I was a fetus once. A unique human entity. And I wasn't aborted. So I can write this. I can't escape the implications of those facts.
Yes, I think abortion should be legal. But I don't think that the word "shame" -- or the words "heartbeat," "pain sensitivity," "human uniqueness," or "slippery slope" -- should be banned from understandings of many (not all) abortions.
13
I wonder if the author is aware that since at least 2013, more black babies have been aborted in NYC than born. If you don’t find that absolutely breathtaking and appalling, if that doesn’t at least give you pause to consider the ramifications of the left’s view of abortions for anyone, at any time, for any reason, there’s something seriously wrong with you. I thought black lives mattered?
“According to the report, in 2013 black women accounted for 29,007 terminated pregnancies, representing almost 42 percent of all abortions in the city. That same year, black women in the city gave birth to 24,108 babies. With abortions surpassing live births by nearly 5,000, African American women in the city clearly terminated pregnancies more often than they carried babies to term.”
https://www.politifact.com/texas/statements/2015/nov/25/cynthia-meyer/cynthia-meyer-says-more-black-babies-are-aborted-n/
9
It’s too late.
C’s daughter,
I think you are a bit confused. It is the unborn who have become second class citizens. Their rights have been taken away. Doesn’t that disturb you? It disturbs millions around the country and why so many have become pro life.
8
No child who is unwanted by it’s mother should ever be brought into the world.
21
The thing that most offends me about the GOP and the supposed right to life crowd is the way they try to portray American women as slutty baby mamas running out and getting abortions at 7 months because they changed their minds. It is insulting. And, we also have male legislators in some states who need a seventh grade health class - in one state (Ohio?) they thought an ectopic pregnancy could be replanted in the uterus. Scary.
25
As I man, I am ashamed the author even has this thought.
It is like me saying, "I'll never be ashamed of removing my tonsils."
A fetus is not a person. Breathing is the difference.
8
Don't you all get it by now? Your right to control your own body is a violation of others' religious liberty. Submit to their authority or drown in a river of fire.
11
I do not regret my abortion or try to pretend I didn't have one.
16
I find it disturbing that Gault finds abortion so commonplace or unremarkable that it's comparable to her dimples or moles. A new baby would interfere with her mothering at the time yet several years later she happily had a third child. Does she ever wonder who that aborted baby would have been?
11
So sick of this discussion. When will men get their rampant sperm under contol.
22
I know many children who would not exist at all if their mothers had not had earlier abortions when they were not in a position to have a child, and instead waited until later when they were mature, secure, and with a willing, good father.
If you look at who shows up at any pro-choice rally, it is those with most skin in the game: predominately women who are of an age where they could get pregnant. While abortion opponents are comprised mostly of those who do not: virgins, postmenopausal women, women married to men who are willing and able to support a child, and men who have no chance of getting anyone pregnant. I am sick of anyone for whom an unwanted pregnancy does not cause an actual threat telling those for whom it does what they must do with their bodies.
Thank you for the piece. Though I am very puzzled why you felt the need to open the piece by telling us the size of your breasts and butt. Was that supposed to represent some type of commentary on inappropriate public interest in women's sexual status? It was an odd, sexualized description of yourself.
10
I am a political conservative who, nevertheless, would strongly oppose the repeal of Roe v. Wade. And were the current SCOTUS overturn Roe v. Wade, I would be marching alongside millions of women to find a federal legislative--rather than judicial--solution to make something like Roe v. Wade the law of the land.
Nevertheless, I still believe that certain limitations on abortion can and should be acceptable: is it so antediluvian as to wonder why the decision to abort a child couldn't/shouldn't be limited to the first two trimesters save for exceptional circumstances in which "problems" with the fetus couldn't be detected until late in the third trimester?
1
Great article. If you don’t want an abortion, don’t get one, otherwise mind your own business.
Anti-choice takes human rights for granted. It’s all pro-life until that pregnancy test goes positive.
13
Robbiesimon,
Abortion is certainly not safe. There is an innocent baby whose life is tragically ended. Doesn’t that bother you? It disturbs me greatly and I am not alone. This is why we in the pro life movement speak out against this injustice that has been inflicted upon 61 million innocent lives. We have to stand up for the least among us and we are.
8
I agree with Pete Buttigieg - before the first breath is taken, the fetus does NOT have a soul, thus it's not yet a human.
Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
4
It's odd; it never occurred to me to be ashamed of having an abortion. It's a private matter, and I was exercising my rights, so I didn't feel any need to tell more than a handful of people, but it was not out of shame. Those who seek to make women ashamed lack respect for women and the myriad reasons they make the choice.
6
I know five women who have had abortions and four do not regret it. One did. Her reasoning was that her boyfriend at the time claimed he didn’t want children. He went on to have a baby two years later with someone else. Her main regret was that it made her feel awful that he didn’t want a child with HER. she got over it, got married and has 4 kids. He’s divorced, so her regrets neutralized in a big way. She could have been saddled with that dead beat forever.
Politicians love to drag out women who have serious regrets about their abortions, usually because they’ve been “born a again”, which is just a Evangelicals’ euphemism for growing up and stopping partying and sleeping a round.
The fact is that the majority of women wish they had more info from their own mothers about preventing pregnancy, wish they weren’t inhibited by alcohol ( not saying rape but more like forgetting condoms with a partner) and wish they had better access to birth control so they wouldn’t have to rely on the man to provide protection from pregnancy. But they don’t regret their decision if they later go on to have children. Maybe it gets complicated if a beloved spouse passes or there are utility problems later on.
Women, believe it or not, actually have a large enough brain capacity to determine whether they want to alter their lives forever BEFORE they have an abortion.
8
As a man I am desperate to have a woman explain to me why so many women hate women and would rather see them not have an option that compares to no similar law for men in any medical situation. Perhaps if women could get other women to embrace their uniqueness and their right to be the persons who repopulate our world the whole subject of laws written by men blocking abortion could be resolved. Women have a right to their opinion but telling women you do not know they are denied a decision that impacts their life seems more like the cruelty one expects in a dictatorship that is committed to making women second class members of their society. And if the excuse is religion makes it okay to suppress a strangers rights then change religions or understand your religious boundaries of compassion and stop knowing what is best for someone you do not even know. I doubt many men would allow a league of women to simply tell them they cannot deal with any issue that is clearly a male right.
6
I have never had an abortion. But I have used contraception m entire life, so I could have the two kids that I wanted. Had it failed at any point, I would have had an abortion and would have seen it as contraception by other means. I simply cannot fathom the mindset of those who call an inch-long embryo “a baby” or wax sentimental about a murky ultrasound when science tells us clearly that the neurological development of a fetus even in the third trimester is insufficient to sustain sentience or self-awareness. Are these people deranged? Suffering from a bad relationship with their mothers? Brainwashed by a heretical religion that worships the fetus? I don’t know. All I know is that until the moment of birth, there is no person. A woman who has had an abortion, in my view, is no different from a woman who takes the pill every day or has an implant. Both are human beings who exercise their right not to be mothers if they don’t want to.
15
I wonder if the 12 year old ever wonders what would have happened if his mom had decided he was nothing more than a choice about her own body, too. I know I would.
7
I think any woman or couple who has to get an abortion is surrounded by probably the most intense emotional and moral questions she, or they, will have to answer in her life. At the least, there will be intense feeling which are personal and none of our business. Abortion is a policy of "failure" as I once heard a doctor say. With all the contraception we have available now, a woman's choice ( or man's choice ) is to be respected. It is no joyful thing to get an abortion; people aren't overjoyed when they have to do this; no one is celebrating having to undergo this procedure. One's body is one's own affair. You should keep your own morals for your own body. Yet, I feel there is some kind of tragedy for the woman involved.
A policy of failure, it is, but only the failure of contraception. It's about time for society to grow up, to throw off the hypocrisy of religion, fairy-tales of fake morality, and the anti-science moronic policies of the past. We know better now. For whatever reason, another's body is none of anyone else's concern. This is a call for a woman or a couple and their doctor. That is a sacred conversation. Keep your eyes on your own behavior . "Do not do unto others as you would not have them do unto you." This is the actual quote.
If you are against abortions, simply do not have one.
7
Bravo! Every woman who has had an abortion should be writing a column such as this. If not in the media. then write to your representatives. I am a man who could not be prouder of the women I've known who have chosen to have an abortion and not be ashamed of that fact.
2
I too have had an abortion and have never been ashamed or regretted it.
8
35 years ago I went to Planned Parenthood bc I was having pain and didn't have insurance. I did not go there for an abortion. It turned out that I had a cyst the size of a grapefruit on my ovary.
PP really helped me when I needed it. People forget all the other great things they do besides abortion.
20
It would be ideal if you could be reproductively responsible. There are multiple modalities readily available. Instead of using abortion as birth control. Merciless disregard for responsibility and life.
1
I still believe strongly this comment from the 60s: if men got pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. Rich men and the women they impregnate and rich women will always have access to safe abortions. How many do you think Trump has paid for? ....or how many men in the GOP. This is a politically expedient issue...that is all it is to these folks. As a social worker in Florida for decades, we care greatly about you when you're a fetus. Once you're here kid, you're on your own. God forbid we should create dependence in you or your mother. PLEASE...GIVE ME A BREAK.
9
Personally, I do not support aortion excpet for extreme measures:
* The life of the mother is in danger
*Incest
* rape etc...
Having abortions due to the fact that a person did not use birth control and want to terminate an unwanted pregnancy or employs such a method/decision multiple times is problematic as well as irresponsible to me, personally.
That being said, we need to let a woman's conscience be her guide. Period.
1
This country would be better off if Evangelicals would mind their own business.
14
It is clear that some men and women do not think that the rest of us should have control of our own bodies. Perhaps we can find a way to take a freedom that they most care about and fight to keep that freedom from them. Say Viagra for men.
I cannot think of what to take away from those women who think they should control my body as they usually don't take Viagra. But I am sure if I think a bit harder it will come to me.
I mean, after all, these women have already convinced themselves that they are not equal to men and men's rights to take ours away.
3
Thank you for sharing your story
1
I am “pro-my daughters’ rights” period!
5
Did the father have the opportunity to weigh in on the decision?
3
Thank you! Me too!
1
Thank you for writing this.
2
I want to see your research. I want to know who did the research. want to know the population that was surveyed....that’s all...
Ila M. Morrow, MSW, LCSW
1
When I was my thirties, my mother told me without a trace of shame, regret, or drama that she had a D&C when I was five or six years old, in 1960 or 1961. She mentioned this while we were discussing abortion rights, which she strongly favored and about which I then had significant reservations. Her disclosure helped move me toward an eventual embrace abortion rights, for three reasons: my respect for both my parents (my father supported her decision); her lack of shame or regret; and my belief that my childhood would have been much more difficult if I had not remained an only child.
9
I too had an abortion many years ago, shortly after Roe vs Wade. For years I believed that I had done the right thing. As a result I became a master at self deception and spent years in denial. Then I developed the courage to launch an introspective journey to find the truth. I now know beyond doubt, that having an abortion was the biggest mistake of my life. Even though I would have made a terrible mother; even though I would have had to sacrifice my dreams; and even though my life would have been extremely difficult if I had chosen to give birth. Please consider that to say we have the right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is to devalue all our lives. Life is a continuum from conception to death. None of us would be here if we had not been conceived. It stands to reason that if our lives matter now, our lives mattered at the moment of conception onward. If our lives matter now, then so do everyone else's including the unborn. To believe otherwise is beyond exclusionary. All of us matter or none of us do. For the women who claim to have a right to decide what to do with their bodies, I could not agree more. But once we are pregnant, there are two bodies involved. We have been entrusted to make a decision regarding the fate of another human being. Roe vs Wade gave us the legal authority to betray that sacred trust. Instead, make wiser choices when our bodies are all we have to consider, especially about with whom and when to engage in sexual activity.
7
@EABJ - If any of us had been aborted, we'd never have known the difference and the world would have gone on nicely without us, just like it goes on nicely without all those miscarried embryos and fetuses.
While you're regretting the decision, for YOU, you might want to spend at least a single second thinking about the fate of an unwanted, unaffordable child, born to a mother who's totally incapable of caring for an nurturing and supporting it, and who will resent it, will likely neglect it, and often abuse it. You get to decide for YOU - and even regret it, for YOU - but not for anyone else.
Maybe you should follow a worker from Child Protective Services around for a week to see what happens to unwanted children in this country.
14
I had an abortion 40 years ago when I was in college at age 19. Thank god I had safe, legal access to end a pregnancy that would have profoundly changed my life for the worse. Because I had that option, I was able to finish college, get an excellent job, marry, and have two beautiful, loved children that I could financially and emotionally care for. Having to make the decision was sad, but I never regretted my choice for a single second. It terrifies me that the next generation of women won't have the ability to end an unwanted pregnancy.
15
I am totally pro-abortion and propose that every woman who has one be entitled to a $100 federal tax credit. There are always out of pocket expenses associated with abortion: time loss at work, transportation, meals, etc. It is so far in the public interest to promote abortion that we should make it as easy as possible, safe and legal and the logical choice for any woman not seriously interested in assuming the responsibilities of motherhood. As a taxpayer, I feel abortion and Planned Parenthood represent a great investment and offer a great return on every dollar spent. Abortion need not carry any shame and should be supported in all cases and encouraged in some.
8
In many states, it is illegal to buy, possess, consume tobacco products if you are under 21. "My body, my choice" doesn't seem to apply here. One cigarette won't kill and is unlikely to make someone an addict but it is still illegal. Where is the fight for having the choice to smoke? The cost/suffering of smokers is directly borne by them (if they get addicted), so they should have the choice. A cigarette itself is a legal product (unlike cocaine or heroin).
The real problem here is that those who wish abortion to be illegal think that abortion will go away if it is no longer legal. That is not true. Abortion will just go underground. Before legal abortion, I worked in social services in Florida. I know personally of four women who died from botched abortions, I remember their names and their faces. Two were young teens, one the victim of statutory rape, the other the victim of gang rape. She was fourteen. Unfortunately she lived in a tough area where young girls were targeted for attack. I bet the same thing happens today. The other two women were mothers whose husbands decided to clean out the bank account and abandon them while they were pregnant. Note that all of these women were able to access abortion. You could ask around and get a name and a number and get an abortion. It was dangerous, but most women could get one. There were many more abortions back then than most people and many more deaths too. The way to reduce abortion is by offering excellent sex education, making contraception free and available. It is important too to teach men more responsibility for their behavior towards women. Some abortions are the result of contraceptive failure, poor health or fetal deformity. The remainder involve a man who has either behaved irresponsibly or has committed a crime.
17
@Kristine Cranford - There was no abortion when my mother was pregnant with me, so she had me and then killed herself, leaving two motherless children and a husband who couldn't care for them. We were separated and parceled out to reluctant relatives. If I'd been aborted I'd never have known the difference and four people's lives wouldn't have been ruined.
5
@Kristine Cranford
No, I am not declaring that abortion will go away completely with the legal protection of the unborn. Murder of women, rape, sexual harassment, and discrimination against women do not go away completely with their being outlawed. So we should not outlaw them, to ensure those who want to contravene such principles can safely do so?
You make mention of teaching men to be more responsible for their behavior toward women. While that is not a bad idea, shouldn't we also be teaching women to be more responsible as well?
This is not all about "you" (although Planned Parenthood has a vested and conflicted interest in playing that narrative). For 47 years the courts have evaded and dodged the central question: when does life begin (a scientific fact, starting at conception)? I pray that this heinous decision, 47 years old today, never sees 50.
1
@JOHN - If you grant full civil and human rights to a fertilized egg, you automatically remove the civil and human rights of the woman who hosts that egg.
Meanwhile, stop and think for just a single minute about what happens to that unwanted child you'd force to be born. In general, unwanted children don't fare well in this society.
6
I am pro-life, and rather than assuming that women don't know how pregnancies occur am sad to see so many posts calling women brave for terminating their pregnancy. There is nothing brave about abortion. It is a desperate choice women in tough circumstances make. I advocate for better sexual education, free universal health care, universal childcare and adoption access to more potential parents. I advocate furthering the research on pregnancy transplants so unwanted pregnancies can be viable in the uterus of a woman who can't produce her own biological children. I advocate for tougher punishments on rapists,and for women to be taken seriously about tubal locations. I also advocate for life. I don't believe inconvenience or disability should be the standard by which we deem some embryos people, while others are clumps of unwanted cells. I advocate against the ending of human life. Women deserve better options tham abortion or birth. I am a pro-life feminist.
3
The pro-choice crowd is in a pickle of our own making. We made two assumptions that have put Roe in the crosshairs.
First, we believed that an abortion was a private decision, made in consultation, sometimes, with partners, parents, and our doctor. It was not a topic of conversation or appropriate fodder for a bumper sticker. Private. Personal. Nobody's business.
Second, we believed that if we respected the other side's views ("Don't like abortion? Don't have one!"), that the other side would respect ours. Ha. So not true. The other side viewed our respect for their opinion as weakness. And they pushed. And they pushed. And they pushed.
We did not push back.
We, confident in our position, have allowed this to happen. It's happened on our watch. In our lifetimes, we have watched as birth control went from illegal to legal to jeopardized. We have sat idly by as Republicans have been voted in, we've been silent as Republicans have packed the courts, and a whole bunch of us sat at home because we didn't "like" Hillary.
If we don't take control of this conversation and start speaking up and speaking out and being a lot less "respectful," we doom generations of young women to be at the mercy of wild-eyed politicians, be they called Christians or the Taliban.
I'll be darned if Roe goes down the tubes on my watch.
Vote BLUE in 2020.
16
Obviously abortion should be legal. There's no need for shame in it either. For most, it's a very personal, difficult decision. But pro-choice people have a problem with the very small "pro-abortion" crowd. While it's a minuscule number of women, there are in fact women who are grotesquely "proud" of their abortions and how many they've had, etc. There's no way to eliminate that, but I hope women sharing their own struggles with it will convince some of these wacky right-wingers to respect Roe v. Wade.
2
Virginia reentry became the 38th state to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA). It is the right number to ratify, but the legal time-frame has expired, therefore it is symbolic.
I support the ERA.
But it is not your mothers (or perhaps grandmothers) ERA by any stretch.
Consider how gender has evolved. And men now take parental leave, whether they are the biological father of the child or not. Whether they are married to their husband or wife, or unmarried.
Consider the goal of the ERA which Virginia ratified:
"The plain reading of the ERA clearly envisions a country where sex is interchangeable, with no laws making distinctions based on sex. "
A mans right to abortion will be guaranteed.
If a woman has a fertilized egg in her, a mans right to have it aborted may not be abridged...because he is a man. That is as much his biological material to discard as hers.
She might be a surrogate, or wife, or GF, or booty call.
It is his right to have that abortion.
There can be no distinction based on sex. The female genetic contributor and the male genetic contributor must have EQUAL RIGHTS.
Parties would have to agree, to keep or abort, and if not....
1
I ask two things from the pro-choice crowd.
Please stop categorizing abortion as "Reproductive Rights," the woman is already pregnant.
Please stop saying Planned Parenthood is a women's health facility, there is not one mammogram machine in over 300 facilities, hypertension and diabetes, you need to go elsewhere and most of the time they refer you out.
7
@Mike Clark, Your right in regards to planned parenthood not being a women's healthcare facility. PP cares for men, women and children. Pregnancy is a medical condition that requires the specific medical attention, thus it is reproductive healthcare. Furthermore, most doctor offices send patients to the appropriate medical facilities for diabetes, xrays, mammograms, ultrasounds, foot care, etc. PP is no different in that regard. What is different is they base their fees on a sliding scale for payment, unlike other healthcare facilities. So, please, stop commenting on this subject you know little about. Thanks!
22
@Mike Clarke - It's always men who wax indignant over the lack of a mammogram machine in any of them. News for you, buddy: No ob/gyn's office or other doctor's office has a mammogram machine. They're massively expensive. PP, like any ob/gyn, does breast exams and then gives patients a referral form to the nearest imaging center, usually at a hospital, that does mammograms.
11
We're finally getting away from the implicit scolding of the apologetic "safe, legal, and rare" platform.
9
Society has the right and obligation to regulate the termination of nascent life no matter what euphemisms the pro-abortionists come up with.
Certain exceptions exist, of course, but women who’ve had multiple abortions of pregnancies not caused by rape or incest strike me as grossly irresponsible with ‘their bodies.’
5
@EKG, The same can be said for men who have multiple children with multiple women and take care of none of them.
10
Hear! Hear! More power to you!
2
I was in my early 30s and it was my first child within a year of my marriage. But it was not planned, and I was away from my spouse most of the time of the year. We were still trying to find a balance between career and to settle down and raise the child together. We made the decision to abort it and though I was hesitant at the beginning and the decision took time, but I don’t regret it now and believe it was a good decision. I have a child with the same father later and raising it together. I could keep the child as I was not underage mother or raped or having the baby outside marriage or going through any financial struggle or anything which could cause any problem for me or the child. Still I decided to not to have the baby because I/we was not ready! Law makers should understand that it is already a difficult situation for any mother to make that decision, so when they are making it, there should not be any roadblock. We should all support the decision and help the mother during the grieving process.
10
I wish the writer hadn't used the term "free birth control". It's not free - it's covered by insurance.
This is why it's egregious when companies like Hobby Lobby refuse to cover the provision of birth control as part of their employee's insurance. Insurance is part of the employees's compensation and they should be able to use it how they wish.
27
@AmyR - The insurance industry says it costs them 15% MORE to offer insurance without contraception than with it. Without contraception coverage they end up paying for more pregnancies and deliveries, which obviously raises their costs. That also means that employees of an employer who refuses to cover contraception are probably paying 15% more for their insurance, just to cover the cost of their employer's religious beliefs.
4
If Ms. Gault's abortion was first trimester, or before the fetus was sentient at all, or perhaps viable, I strongly support her decision. However, if it was mid-second trimester or later, was not her fetus by then a seperate living human being?
Believe me, I am 100% for a woman's right to choose, but not for her right to take the life of another sentient human being, even if it is still within her body.
Right now, the pro-life and pro-abortion camps both speak in terms that are too absolute. A middle ground can be found. Row v. Wade tried to offer it, but we need serious discussion about abortion and when and when not to limit it, not just shrill absolutist pronunciations from both sides.
5
Obviously many people don't have qualms about abortion. Some do. Framing the issue as women's health care trivializes it. Mandates in healthcare policy requiring abortion be included as with Obama care forces those opposed to the practice to participate indirectly.
Attempts to normalize the procedure is one thing, ramming it down the throat of those opposed to it by mandates is something more..
5
@Lane, One's religious beliefs should not be used to mandate the removal of another individual's rights to make personal medical decisions. But isn't that exactly what anti-vaccine people are demanding by claiming "My God. My body. My choice?" Funny how that works, huh?!
7
@Lane
But you are ok with ramming forced birth down the wombs of women?
Blatant double standards like this are morally wrong and will never be acceptable. A national healthcare system would take care of that in short order, and it can't come soon enough.
3
"Ramming it (abortion) down the throats of those opposed to it"... nobody is proposing that you be forced to have an abortion, nobody has the right to make that decision for you. Your body is yours to control. Likewise, everyone else's body belongs to them and they get to choose.
6
Gault wrote about how desperately she wanted a third child in her book Child, Please. Considering that her abortion was only three years prior to the birth of her third child, and her description of the failed pregnancies she'd experienced leading up to the birth of her third child, I find this article disingenuous. Here's an excerpt from her book: "It’s not that I didn’t want another baby. For years, I’d hoped to have three kids. But with the failed pregnancies, I’d given up on the idea. Who doesn’t want a baby? What I didn’t want was yet another miscarriage. And no matter how far my pregnancy progressed, I could not erase the thought of loss at some point. I was quietly preparing for what I thought was inevitable. And I didn’t dare tell anyone the fear I was harboring. How could I?"
4
Fairly often, it's the man who pressures the woman to get the abortion. When a husband starts to whine about not really wanting another child, the woman is caught between a rock and a hard place, especially if she's dependent upon her husband. I've know it to happen.
8
As an adopted child who probably wouldn’t have been born if my bio-mom had had access to a safe abortion, I support every woman’s right to choose. I made the personal choice to terminate an unwanted pregnancy many years ago and I have never regretted it. I am thankful that my daughter, daughters-in-law and granddaughter have that right.
106
@JMelendi
Your Mom chose life for you! That is wonderful! Even if you believe your Mom might not have had much of a choice, she gave you life. That, in turn, enabled you to give life to your daughter and sons, and so on down the line. Life! Think of the differences that would have occurred had your Mom not chosen life. Then consider the lives that may someday grow inside your daughter, daughters-in-law, and granddaughter. I'm sure your children and grandchildren are precious! And their children will be precious, -- provided someone chooses to let them live!
5
@Gerry You just skipped right over the point, didn't you? We're saying it would be FINE if our mothers decided to keep us from life. Come to understand how radically different our views are from yours.
14
I’m a man, does it matter what I say? Silence !
4
At age 14 in the late 1950s I was seduced by a man of 32. A doctor told me "You've made your bed, now lie on it." Pregnant and parentless, I went to a drug store and bought multiple medications labeled "Not to be taken by pregnant women" and took them in large quantities. The minuscule fetus was aborted. I was fortunate that I neither died nor had a deformed child, and that 12 years later I could bear a wanted and loved child within a happy marriage. I have never regretted it.
186
@M Anderson I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that. You were not “seduced”, you were raped, and your story is exactly why we need legal abortion. -NW
31
Religion is personal, just like this woman's and every other woman's health care decisions are. I have no problem with religious people until they try to force their personal, religious doctrines onto others. They hide behind their religion as an excuse to control women, commit child abuse, child molestation, conversion therapy, or refusing to vaccinate against preventable diseases than can expose the young and old to possible death. In short, they're hypocrites to their religion, i.e. Free Will, and fellow human beings i.e. examples provided above.
23
I believe that abortion is a matter of personal choice.
However, I hope the author's daughters thank her for choosing not to abort them.
And I hope the author has thanked her mother for choosing not to abort her.
9
@Mon Ray
My mother had an abortion and I, too, have had one -- plus two daughters of my own (26 and 20).
I thanked my mother for providing me with a stable life, and acknowledged how hard it must have been for her to complete her associates degree in 1965 Michigan with me in tow!
My daughters, who know about my abortion between their two births, thank me for completing two undergraduate degrees and a masters while being pregnant at different times with each of them!
Gratitude comes in all forms, and none of us in my family -- mothers or daughters, feel the need to be thankful for choices made on behalf of a future that is unknown.
18
Thank you. Women are at a very dangerous point and we need all the voices of reason to be heard.
18
Ditto. I too had an abortion and will never feel ashamed about the decision I made. I do not need to explain my reasons to anyone. They are my reasons and it was my decision. My children know, and I have talked about this freely with them when they were age appropriate. I also let their friends know. I want to be part of a generation that finally opens up this conversation to the next generation, without shame or judgement.
110
It seems like Pro-Lifers do not see the consequences of an unwanted pregnancy....and are more concerned with a fetus than with the millions of children in foster homes, many of which go from one foster home to another; those languishing at the border - unloved and uncared for; those homeless children tossed about from one homeless shelter to another; those children who don't get adopted; those children who are at the mercy of unloving parents.......which is worse? A fetus is a fetus, a child is a child. There is a big difference. Why not put the onus on the men who have to have their sexual relations - whatever the outcome? Blame the woman? Deny her what little control she has of her body? How many pro-lifers have adopted 1 or 2 children and added to their family? How many pro-lifers have opened their homes to the homeless? How many pro-lifers have kept a rebellious foster child?
31
I greatly appreciate this piece. I have also explained to my 12 and 15 year old boys that I had an abortion years before they were born, that it is a medical procedure and not the great evil many people paint it to be. People need to be educated on the science of the procedure and leave religion out of it. I have drilled it into my kids' heads that if either of them are ever in a situation where their partner or a friend is seeking an abortion, they will support the person regardless of that person's decision, without offering their opinion.
19
I had an abortion some 40 years ago, a few years after it became legal. It was the only viable option. I was in college, headed for graduate school. The pregnancy was the result of a stupid mistake. There was no chance that the father and I would ever marry. My family, being very old-fashioned, would have been horrified and heartbroken had I had a child out of wedlock. I was much more careful thereafter and in fact opted not to have children when I later married someone else, who also didn't want children. My husband had some professional experience in Family Court and told me he could never inflict on any child a parent who didn't want to be a parent.
26
I would like to correct a common false claim by people defending the right to an abortion. What's in the uterus is not the mother's "body". The mother's body creates the uterus to protect a woman from a totally separate person living inside them. Without the uterus both fetus and mother would die. Why? Because the fetus's and mother's DNA and blood type are foreign to each other. The immune system in each one will attack cells from the other. Why? Because they are separate and distinct people living together. In the case of abortion, the life of a unique and distinct person will never have the opportunity to walk and live on this earth.
8
@Pat
We know. That doesn't change anything. Even if the fetus was a person, which it is not, it does not have a right to be inside my body.
27
@Pat Each woman’s uterus is uniquely her own and she is the only one who should have agency over it. There is no totally separate person living inside of her as the fetus is totally dependent on the woman’s body for its survival. Until the fetus is viable and able to live outside of the uterus, any decision about the fetus belongs to the woman.
9
@C’s Daughter So, with the exception of rape and incest (basically assuming the decision to have sex was mutual), isn't that kinda like letting someone stay in your house on a freezing night, but kicking them out in the middle of the night and letting them die from exposure? It is your house so they do not have an intrinsic right to be there, but you invited them.
1
Yeah, well ... she ought to regret it. This kind of pervasive & systemic rebellion never seems to get old in this country. There's no sense of shame, chastisement, or regret within people - they just double-down. No one should be so dug into the fortress of justifying themselves (to the point of defiance) - not to regret it. It's a hideous choice. A soul never arrived in this world. If we can muster nothing more, let's at least show some reverence for the empty chair.
12
@Victoria Locke "Some reverence for the empty chair" is eloquently put. I'm with you. People who double down on the righteousness of such an ugly choice strike me as delusionally self-absorbed. Like an op-ed that starts out with a physical self-description that's completely irrelevant to the topic at hand.
1
Where’s the reverence for “souls” that miscarried? What nonsense.
3
If about seven out of ten Americans "do not want Roe v. Wade overturned," about seven out of ten Americans do not want abortion on demand. Polls generate equally lopsided majorities "for" or "against" abortion depending entirely on how they ask the question.
4
The thing is unless the mothers life is at risk, it is equivalent to murder. I’m strongly anti-abortion.
8
@IM : I'm strongly anti-abortion - then don't have one, but DO NOT tell anyone else they cannot have one - it is as simple as that!
3
In 9 mths. a man could “create” hundreds of babies, while the majority of the time a woman could create 1 baby. If a woman wants to make a choice with her body it is her right, not that of some group of right wing male legislators who don’t even know about the female anatomy. Now let’s start introducing birth control by having men get vasectomies at age 14. As an option it could be reversed when/if that person gets married (keep those right wing male legislators happy...).
31
The best quote about abortion is “Don’t like abortion? Don’t have one.” And leave the rest of us alone to make our own choices.
33
I'm an Avignon/recovering/estranged catholic.
I have problems w/ the CC. The topic here is abortion.
The CC argues in bad faith to manipulate people. They frame the issue to drive people into voting GOP.
The GOP'sprime directive is the ever greater concentration of wealth&power on behalf of the wealthy&powerful.
The GOP loves to afflicts the poor&powerless & comforts the pampered. The weakest person, an impoverished little girl, according to the CC would be forced to have her daddy's/rapist's baby.
Another aspect of this is supply side bias economic policies: supply side = wage suppression.
Ethics/decency/values/morality are a middle class characteristic: the rich don't need them & the poor can't afford them.
So the median wage has been flat since 1972, despite the GNP going up 150%. For the prior 27 years after WWII the median wage rose in lockstep w/ productivity. They've been so successful @ wage suppression that in 2014 the U.S. Census announced that the middle class fell below 50% for the 1st time in decades.
Generally speaking, middle class people, people w/ values & resources, generally don't get abortions. Poor people do.
If the CC wants to reduce abortions they should advance Catholic Social Teaching to help expand the middle class.
The CC knows all of this.
In truth they just want to get more GOPers elected. I suspect they want to undermine the sovereignty democracy vests in the people & give it back to the Bishops like it was in the dark ages.
4
Yesterday I was confronted on the upper east side by two young women from Planned Parenthood who were looking for supporters. I told them I was pro life and was about to go down to Planned Parenthood and participate in a quiet vigil. We exchanged smiles but I made it very clear to them I was a pro lifer.
After walking away, I thought about so many things I should have spoken but was in a hurry. I wished I had said to them that Planned Parenthood was the largest abortion provider in the country. I regretted that I had not mentioned that there have been 61 million abortions since roe v Wade was enacted. These girls very very young and may not have fully known about the dangers and repercussions of abortion. If I am given a second chance, I will take the time and explain it to them. God willing, I will be given that chance.
3
Abortion is, in fact, extremely safe. And while some women and girls regret having one, most don’t.
30
@KMW Repeated studies have demonstrated that the clear majority of women do not regret their decision to have an abortion. The repercussions of which you speak do not exist for the majority of women who have had an abortion. As for the alleged dangers, that is also a falsehood. Abortion is an extremely safe medical procedure with few complications. At the time of their abortion those choosing abortion are well informed by licensed medical professionals about the procedure and all that is entailed. Certainly, women today undergoing a legal abortion are far more informed and far safer than they will be if so called “pro life” advocates have their wish.
13
@KMW chances are they have heard it all before but understand that they don't have to listen to pro-lifers yell about how Planned parenthood does abortions on the sidewalk. What they do understand is that birth control and options are available in order to do what you actually think you want...less abortions.
3
I've never been able to understand this debate. "Pro-rights" people argue that they have the right to do what they want with their own body. But the issue is not about their own body. It's about whether the fetus is someone else's body. Reasonable people can disagree about when a fetus transitions from a clump of cells to a human being, and when an abortion is removing part of your own body or killing a child.
If Ms Gault had given birth, and killed the child so that she could "be the best mother I could be to the two children I already had", would that justify the killing? I should hope not. How about just before delivery? Same, I hope. Why? because it's no longer her own body, but the body of a child. Where is the dividing line? That's a legitimate debate, but pretending that it's about a woman controlling her own body is diversionary.
12
@Michael
It's not pretending, it's relevant to the discussion.
If I told you that you had to have a vasectomy -- no choice: you will have your reproductive choice determined for you, it would be about your body and your autonomy to determine your own course.
It is a challenging conversation.
But given that neither you nor I know when life begins (conception, birth?) and neither you nor I can conceivably understand an individual's circumstances in their private life -- why would we presume to take away a very personal and life altering decision?
Who are we to do so?
13
@Lissa
With all due respect, having a vasectomy or not has nothing to do with killing a living child.
"Who are we to do so"? - same question for a child past birth. Or a child of three who is creating a havoc in my life that you cannot conceivably understand. Why would you presume to take away a very personal and life altering decision to terminate the child? Well, because the child is a living human being, and has the right to its own life, and taking it away is murder. As a society, we prohibit murder, even if the child is creating a havoc that you couldn't understand. The legitimate debate is when the developing fetus acquires the rights of a human being. I would argue that there's a gray area, in which a mother's circumstances weigh in and her choices must be respected. But a moment before birth, it's hard for me to see how a mother's difficult circumstances justify abortion any more than a moment past birth. It's a living child, and it's murder. No one is trying to tell you what to do with your own body, because it's not your own body.
1
@Michael
"But the issue is not about their own body. "
Are you confused? Pregnancy involves a woman's body. The choice is whether she wants to be pregnant.
"If Ms Gault had given birth, and killed the child so that she could "be the best mother I could be to the two children I already had", would that justify the killing?"
Oh, yes. I see that you are confused. A born child can be handed to anyone. An 8 week fetus, when deprived of a woman's body to which it has no right, dies.
"That's a legitimate debate, but pretending that it's about a woman controlling her own body is diversionary"
No. Again, women are pregnant. Pregnancy involves a woman's body, no matter how frequently anti-choicers like to pretend that it does not. No one has a right to *my* body except me. Men who think that they have the right to tell a woman who she must let use her body are terrifying. In other contexts we refer to them as rapists.
7
This 76 y/o vanilla white male swing voter thanks you for bringing this issue to the fore once again. To me it's tangential and (sadly), irrelevant, but I'll remember it on Election Day.
1
I feel compelled to comment on your article's title. I'm fairly certain that most people who have had abortions, and some of us who haven't, find the word "ashamed" pivotal, and telling. Having known people who have had abortions, shame didn't really come into it. Guilt, perhaps, and fear, certainly, but not shame. There is nothing to be ashamed of. But, no-one walks away from the experience unscathed. There is a kind of regret, a sadness, that a lot of women carry, knowing they did the right thing, but sorry that an abortion needed. I remember finding myself, once, thinking that I might be pregnant and knowing that abortion would be my choice. Being young and single at the beginning of my career, having a child would have meant a complete upheaval of my life, and having a child I didn't know that I could love. I was fortunate that I wasn't, and relieved that it was not a decision I would have to make. But, I did think about what it might mean for other women. No-one can know what an abortion means except the woman, or girl, herself, and men haven't a clue. Knowing you did the right thing for you is what is important and any burdens that you might be carrying around--you can put them down, now. Be at peace with your past.
7
"There is no state in the country where the majority favors an outright ban on abortion."
Yet we cannot possibly trust this issue to the political process.
4
This Friday is the 47th annual March for Life rally in Washington. This year’s theme is Life empowers: Pro life is pro woman. The organizers are expecting over 100,000 marchers which is very impressive for an event that has been occurring for many years. I will be there with thousands of others. Why? Because we value and cherish life and feel all life has value especially the life in the womb. We must defend the least among us.
Young old men and woman march together quietly to support the pro life cause. It is so encouraging to know that so many people are against abortion. We have women who have had abortions taking part and do regret their abortions. These women know they are among friends who do not judge their past decisions. People might think this is a sad event but quite the contrary. The pro life cause has been gaining momentum over the years and we have seen many people coming over to our side. Strength in numbers is always exciting. We will not give up this very important cause.
2
@KMW
"Pro life is pro woman"
No it isn't. Reducing women to second-class citizens because you have taken away our right to bodily integrity is not "pro-women." Forcing me to undergo a life-altering and significant medical event is not pro-woman.
"..especially the life in the womb."
My name is not "the womb."
Anti-choicers refer to "the womb" as if it's some disembodied, morally neutral place rather than a woman's literal internal organ that is part of her actual body. I understand why-- you want to delete us from the picture and pretend that we don't have rights at stake. But it's dishonest and you should stop doing it.
33
@KMW why don't you try defending the "least among us" at the border where actual children are being kept in cages and away from actual living parents instead? To me that's more "pro life" than trying to shame a bunch of people for wanting bodily autonomy.
5
@KMW I can never forget reading a comment from a woman who attended the March for Life; she had a stark realization during the event. "We are marching for the right to kill our children."
Ms. Gault’s comment about abortion being out of reach for poor, disadvantaged women and girls raises an interesting question.
It seems pretty clear that, if Roe is overturned or weakened, middle- and upper-income women will continue to get the abortions they need - one way or another.
So it’s really only poor women who will be effected. While money will be raised to help many, it seems likely there would be a significant increase in children born to women and girls lacking resources, education, skills, and a support network (that is, some of the attributes which would help them to be good mothers).
Thus - more social pathologies, with concomitant higher taxes. And, after some years, more crime, with all that that entails. These changes will be well documented and thus hard to ignore.
How will the people in the anti-abortion states react to this? Will the savage joy of forcing their religion on others make it worthwhile? We may get the chance to see.
8
Thank you, Ms. Gault (and the NYT) for this thoughtful piece. Bottom line: the issue of the right to choose should be SOLELY within the purview and agency of the woman whose body is involved. Period.
One point here: If anti-choice individuals truly want to impact the number of abortions performed in the U.S., they would be well-advised to advocate for women to have greater access to birth control and health care generally. Studies show that abortion rates are at record lows - NOT because 32 (red) states have adopted abortion restrictions but likely precisely because the Affordable Care Act has made birth control more accessible for women. Ironically, most of those anti-choicers oppose such access.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/09/18/health/abortion-rate-dropped.html
10
I'm pale, blue-eyed & Jewish. I don't regret any of my abortions (1961, illegal in San Juan, 1970, legal in NYC & 1981, legal in NYC. I felt & feel no guilt. The reasons for each were different. I will say this about PP. I support the organization, but I would prefer that abortions take place in hospitals. The free-standing reproductive rights clinic is an invitation to harassment by those who want to interfere with your right to choose. In contract, no-one knows why you're entering a hospital. Of course, preserving the right to choose abortion is paramount, but we should also insist that hospitals perform abortions, in order to curtail the intimidation of women who are attempting to claim their reproductive rights.
19
Thank you so much for telling your story and giving those of us with similar experiences the place to tell our own. Similar to Karma dilly, I too am a 60 year old woman who had an abortion shortly after the Supreme Court's landmark decision. I will be forever grateful to the clinic and its many volunteers that gave me the ability to become the person that I am today with 2 beautiful adult children that are beginning to build their own families. I will continue to fight for my children to have the same choices that I had, whether or not they ever choose to exercise that choice.
7
Abortion, child birth, and social support go together. It is a sorry situation when all of these factors are poorly supported. Although Canada is not perfect, it seems to me that the barriers that poorer US women face have the potential to be very painful. To reverse Roe v. Wade would, I think, be an enormously regressive step for US citizens. It is hard to believe that it is even being contemplated.
11
Years ago, I sat in front of the television as I recovered from my abortion. I'm a liberal, pro-choice, grateful for the shaky foundation of rights women before me fought so hard for. I was suddenly struck by a deep sense of waste and sadness. This is what I had the abortion for, so I could narcotize myself undisturbed in front of the TV? Of course, I knew exactly why - I was young, not ready and I would otherwise be tethered indefinitely to an unhappy relationship. These unwanted questions floated up nonetheless. Who would he or she have been? Did I snuff out a human life for my convenience? What would the implications be for me? Whatever my answers, this was not shame or regret. It was the surprise grief one doesn't mention because it has no place in the conversation around abortion.
6
I think the way to frame abortion is with two facts: 1) increasing contraception use decreases the number of abortions and 2) the separation of church and state forbids the Supreme Court from imposing religious laws on people who are not religious. As former Colorado governor John Hickenlooper said, increasing contraception in his state dramatically reduced the number of abortions. While most people do feel relief after getting an abortion, it is the most complicated and controversial way to deal with an unwanted pregnancy. Because low-income and less educated women are more likely to have abortions, it would make sense to advance cheaper, more readily accessible contraception. As far as religion goes, it is only realistic to acknowledge the rightwing religious elements affecting the judiciary and the move to overturn Roe v. Wade. Overturning Roe v. Wade would not be based in science, but in a minority view most popular among the religious right. The establishment clause would be important to emphasize here. Outlawing abortion is not a bioethical stance––studies show the nervous system of a fetus is not fully developed until weeks after birth and complex emotions do not develop until months after birth. It is a religious credo that would be imposed on nonbelievers, essentially establishing a particular religious view on Americans who do not choose to believe in it.
8
Good points! Most businesses object to birth control coverage for women based on financial reasons, not any religious beliefs. Secondly, abortions will not stop if it becomes illegal. This isn't about any fetus so much as it is to control women. Those who claim otherwise aren't fooling anyone.
7
I fully agree with the perspective that this piece presents; the right to abortion or any right to healthcare that has to do with one's personal right to their own body and bodily autonomy should not be connected to partisanship and political agendas. It is truly baffling how divisive the issue of abortion is, as I personally see no one else being affected rather than the person choosing to have or not have one. Without the right to safe abortion, not only would there be children that were living in unfit environments, but women's lives would be put at risk, with many of them seeking illegal, high-risk procedures and at-home abortions.
In addition, the inequality that occurs in low-income areas, where healthcare access is limited due to affordability should be urgently tackled as a big issue. Regardless of socioeconomic class, everyone should have the right to safe healthcare and to safe abortion. In fact, an unwanted child born in a low-income area, with a family that most probably lacks the resources to raise and nurture it should alarm all of us. Children should be born in prepared, nurturing environments, with the resources needed to raise and provide for them.
I support the opinion that just as any of us should have the autonomy to seek healthcare and treatment when sick, we should have the autonomy to make a conscious decision in regards to abortion, and know that we have a legal right to a safe, controlled procedure.
11
Unfortunately, this article doesn't really explore the question of shame, which is an enduring reality for so women we know and love who've had abortions.
Though the lasting psychological impact of the experience of abortion on women is rarely discussed in this outlet, too many of us have been called on to comfort a sister, a wife, or a friend to deny this heartbreaking reality.
Some may respond that this isn't the case for them, and I won't say otherwise. But will you deny a voice to those women (sisters, daughters, friends) suffering silently?
5
@Paul over the course of our lifetime we all have to make important and sometimes life changing decisions. We live with the results of those decisions. So it goes with abortion. Women may feel relief, shame or anything in between. This is a story about keeping abortion safe and legal. Should we not have safe, legal abortion because some women may feel shame?
11
@Paul
Nobody is denying a voice to women who might feel shame after an abortion. I don't see anything in this opinion piece that does that.
The vast majority (95 to 99%) of women feel relief after their abortions. (Google it.) They may also feel shame. But it seems to me that those feeling shame are likely experiencing that due to the toxic nature of this discussion in our culture.
I speak from personal experience, Paul. Do you?
15
Actually she does address it at the end, noting that she feels no shame, and that “Research shows the most common post-abortion feeling is relief. Ninety-five percent of us do not regret our decision.”
13
I had an abortion 43 years ago and have never felt a second of guilt or sorrow. My husband did not want children and I knew he would be no help in raising one. Also, I liked my job and didn’t want to be a stay at home mom. I had been on birth control meds for years. I got pregnant again two years later. I remember we drove 60 miles through a terrible snow storm. The doctor at the place we went to said I had a woody cervix and sent us to another place. There, the so called doctor convinced us we should continue the pregnancy. Fortunately, I had a miscarriage soon after. I told my husband he had to have a vasectomy,which he did. Every woman who has had an abortion has her own story.
23
Attacks on women's health issues continues everyday. Limitations on women's health care have been made into law in some States, with new laws being proposed in others.
I strongly believe that no one has the right to legislate health care for women. As a man, my personal feelings about abortion are inconsequential. I will never have to make that decision for myself. I do know, from female friends in the past, that a decision to have an abortion is never easy and never made lightly. Additionally, funds for mammograms and co-pays for birth control should not be touched.
If a woman is against abortion she should not have one. This is a personal decision every woman must make for herself. Government should never legislate what someone can do with their body. And, if a woman makes the decision to terminate a pregnancy, I want a safe and clean medical facility available for her to access for that purpose. Never again should women die from infection and blood lose from botched, back alley abortions.
30
@Christopher Babick
"As a man, my personal feelings about abortion are inconsequential. I will never have to make that decision for myself."
Yes! Thank you!
10
I have marched in DC for women's rights and I have had two abortions. The first was in 1968 before abortion was legal in the US. I flew to Canada and back in one difficult day, by myself. The second was in New York when it was legal in NY, before R v. W, at the hospital where I worked. What a different experience. Calm, safe and so much less stress.
Both abortions were the right thing for me and I have never regretted them. I have two adult daughters and two granddaughters. I would support any decision they make should the need arise.
Every woman, young or older should have the right to chose. No one and no law should be able to force a set of beliefs upon another person. Overturning Roe would be a crime against women, binary or not.
21
I too had an abortion in the 1970s that I’ve never regretted. It was legal and it happened in spite of birth control. I’ve known several women who have had them because of gross abnormalities. The right to decide belongs to the person to whom the body belongs and a partner if that person so wishes. No one else. Thanks for telling your story.
22
I just heard on NPR that in Montana, Christian schools are suing to gain tuition tax credits. Here in Syracuse, a local Christian pregnancy counseling agency contracted by a suburban school district taught girls that agency over their bodies was saying no to sex so as to avoid being thought of as a piece of chewed up gum. I appreciate Ylonda Gault's story and thank her for her honesty. And, I suggest that for every thank you she'll get, there will be one non-reader or anti-choice ideologue who will say that girls and women have the choice to not engage in sexual intercourse. History proves this is not true. Still, patriarchal pastors, celibate clergy and women married to powerful ideologues will hold that all girls and women have the same choices to say no and anything following that is fruit of a poison tree, the mother being the poison tree. Gender bias against females snuffs out many choices and way before puberty.
26
never is a long time.
washington didn't voice regret over denying human rights to humans till near the end of his life. many who were not ashamed of enslaving other humans would today be ashamed, because of our progress. enlightenment brings the better type of shame, but sometimes at the cost of self-interest.
1
I live in a city that has an abortion clinic and see the anti choice protesters trying to intimate people going in. What I think they should be doing is voicing their support for planned parenthood and their teaching about ways to stop pregnancies with birth control measures.
I do not see how anyone can call themselves pro-life when they go around laying quilt one someone exercising their legal rights.
10
Women should not be ashamed to become pregnant or have a baby-no matter what age or circumstances they come from. When we all make less sweeping judgements about others and ourselves, abortion won’t be the option a woman will feel she needs to make. After all, sex is how we all got here. Isn’t it time to we are settled on that?
2
Wow, that is SO not the reason most people get abortions - and not the reason that the author said she got one.
10
I’ve had two abortions and have never regretted either one of them. I have never had breast cancer, ovarian cancer or cervical cancer, some of the big hoax’s perpetrated by the anti-abortionists. I don’t call them pro life because they don’t care about the babies once they are here.
My first abortion was because I got pregnant after birth control failed and I had a seven month old and a two year old. I was done with having children. I was married, to my first husband, we had just bought our first, small, house and we did not have the money for more children. We had no other option. The second abortion came after I had a tubal ligation to prevent pregnancy. Less then6 months later that familiar feeling came to me that I was pregnant. I did not hesitate and had an abortion and my left tube (which had healed open) redone. This time it was a medically advised abortion.
Both of abortions occurred at 6-7 weeks into pregnancy. I knew that once I felt movement from the pregnancy(s) it would be very hard to have an abortion. I have never regretted either abortion and went on to live a happy, productive life with the two children I had already. Both are now successful adults and I feel it was because I could give them my full attention.
If you do not believe in abortion, fine, don’t have one but never impede on another person’s right to decide what is best for them. Abortion is never an easy decision to make.
21
My own view is that abortion should be legal until 20 weeks after conception. Some of those who wish to outlaw all abortions seek to subjugate women. There are others who sincerely believe that human life begins at conception; I acknowledge the sincerity of these folks, though I disagree with this particular religious belief.
3
I believe that the decision to abort should be made between a woman and her doctor, but I do not think abortion is a cause for celebration. The author declares "And I have no shame that I made the best decision for myself, my family and our future," yet given that no one knows when a multi-celled organism becomes human, I think a degree of humility might make this piece more effective.
2
How do we fight this fight? The moves to gut Roe v. Wade and our access to healthcare seem to have slipped through without much protest from women. Calls to my reps seem pointless, they will never vote the way I ask. I know there is so much else going on that is distracting, but this is an issue that needs loud, public and sustained protest or we will find ourselves in Gilead before we know it. You think white male privilege is only about race? Think again.
8
I've had two abortions.
The first because my husband and I agreed we were in no financial shape to raise a child (he was in grad school, I was in the middle of nurso,g school).
In my late twenties and newly single, I asked my gynecologist for a tubal ligation. He refused, saying he'd just struggled through, that morning, a difficult tubal reconnection surgery. Fine, I said, then you'll help me raise the kid if I get pregnant?
My main emotion was anger, that if I wanted to be a single mother I would not be able to depend on society for good, affirdable, childcare.
The second abortion was after I was date-raped in my mid-30s.
I felt relief after both procedures, and now don't regret never having been a mother.
Thanks to all those who fought to give me access to safe and legal abortion, I was able to make a life of my own for so many decades. I will continue toadd my voice to the ongoing battle.
24
I had an abortion right before I was married fifty years ago that still causes me deep sadness. However, there is no question that I would never have given birth to my beloved daughter (third child), or maybe even my two sons, if that child had been born, causing tremendous stress on my young relationship. Every time we prevent a potential child from being conceived (birth control of any kind, including Catholic's rhythm method), we are making the same choice as an abortion. A fertile woman who has decided to have one or no children has denied existence to maybe ten children in her fertile years. This realization has helped to comfort me in my grief over that first pregnancy.
11
Back in the 80s I got pregnant twice. The first time I had been using a diaphragm, which turned out to be ineffective. I got a safe abortion at Planned Parenthood and then an IUD put in place by my Gynecologist. Nevertheless I wound up with an entropic pregnancy which had to be aborted.
I have no regrets.
My only regret is for any woman who does not have access to abortion and that is why I continue to support Planned Parenthood.
22
The fact that you, and many others, refer to abortion as a reproductive right instead of an anti-reproductive procedure discloses your shame. Abortion should be legal, but to call it by a flattering descriptor is just an attempt to mitigate one's feelings of guilt.
3
Any woman who has had what is commonly referred to as a miscarriage has experienced an abortion. Often, usually within the first 8 weeks of pregnancy, these spontaneous abortions occur often without the women recognizing the event. Millions of clumps of cells flushing out every minute of every day all over the world. So stop bothering me about my induced abortions -- and, for all I know, spontaneous ones -- and go about your business.
27
So traditional religious beliefs are now defined as a "warped anti-feminist ideology"? Not much chance of finding common ground, huh?
31
@NJ Keith The Bible does not oppose abortion, so it is all interpretation of ordinary believers. A look at today's anti-abortion foes finds many people who are anti-feminist.
60
@NJ Keith Actually most interpretation of traditional religious beliefs ARE based on anti feminist ideology. That is the issue. Nailed it!
57
@NJ Keith Yes, actually. A lot of traditional religious belief is not only anti-woman, it's anti-human. The idea that some people are living lives in the 21st century, basing their morality on the words of a superstitious, barbaric, pre-scientific people... I'll go to my grave not understanding how this is still even a thing.
27
While I support the right to choose, I fervently wish pieces like this glanced at the option of adoption, or at least mentioned adoption as part of the consideration in their balanced decision to have an abortion. As a family who has benefited from adoption, I am very familiar with how many wonderful and prepared families are happy to take on the responsibility of parent for those not able to do so and will be happy to pay the expense. While I certainly will not dictate what any woman should do who finds themselves in the difficult position of a surprise pregnancy, perhaps part of the answer is to consider pregnancy itself as a gift for that small child and family in waiting. Every day I am thankful that my children's birth mom chose them, and us, over abortion. I get that this is a hard topic, but I do find it relevant to share this unacknowledged perspective.
56
Unfortunately, the way adoption works in this country discourage couples from doing it. People rather adopt from other countries where it’s less expensive and less red tape....
So, what you suggest is not an option for a lot people here....
36
@NYCJeff thats great and wonderful that adoption worked out for your family. But- forced birth should not be the default for any woman who doesn't want a child or to be pregnant anymore. Pregnancy and child birth can be medically complex and isn't necessarily the right path for a woman who doesn't desire to remain pregnant. You have taken the woman's physical and mental experience out of the equation when you ask that adoption be considered.
110
@NYCJeff, as someone who worked for a clinic, I agree with you. I also know that when I counseled people making decisions about unplanned pregnancy, I reviewed all the choices people had for consideration, including adoption. The vast majority of the time, people chose not to adopt out. For many women, it is too emotionally painful to consider adoption. It takes a lot of courage to continue a pregnancy knowing at the end, you will be relinquishing a part of yourself to someone else for safe keeping.
Kudos to the biological mothers who gave you and your family such an incredible gift.
24
What this author says and what many pro-choice authors say is that the majority of Americans support the right to an abortion. That is true in so far as the statement goes. But when one digs a little deeper into polling numbers, one finds that the great majority of Americans oppose late-term abortions and that a majority even oppose 2nd trimester abortions.
Roe v Wade is what put this issue on the national stage. We were much better off when this insoluble issue was instead the Gordian knot of the states. Back to the states is where it should go. Our federal problems are toxic enough. We do not need this extra one.
Should it go back to the states, we clearly will end up with some states allowing abortion at any time during pregnancy, some restricting after 2nd tri, some after 1st tri, and perhaps a few that do not allow abortion at all. But this needs to be off of the national stage.
7
@reb8
What you are missing is that late term abortions are usually due to the fact that there are huge abnormalities discovered with the developing fetus, not because a woman flippantly decides she does't want to have a baby. I have known several women who were thrilled to be pregnant, but discovered in the third trimester the the child was so malformed that the baby would either die after birth, or would need millions of dollars in medical care and still be a living vegetable. The choice to abort was agonizing, but completely understandable. NO ONE should legislate this painful and personal decision for a woman, least of all a government!
41
@LDK
My highly trained daughter treats these types of difficult pregnancies, as a Maternal Fetal Medicine specialist the focus is on the bigger picture of the mother and her family situation, including any existing children and her possible desire for future healthy children.
She says there is an ongoing battle between neonatologists, whose focus is on 'saving every possible baby, at whatever cost is necessary' and her specialty, which considers the larger ramifications of very compromised pregnancies.
When I read about draconian measures intended to make late pregnancy terminations completely illegal, I am concerned that conscientious practitioners like my daughter might find themselves subject to jail time for providing compassionate care to their patients.
14
@reb8
Why? This is a legitimate question: why do you think this should be a state-by-state issue rather than a federal one? Do you think it's fair for women to have completely different access to healthcare based on the state of her residence? We all live in the same country and should have the same rights.
Most people actually support the right to abortion into the second trimester. Most people oppose so-called "late-term abortions," although that is a very poorly-defined term. When defined as abortions after 24 weeks, which is basically the limits of viability, you're talking about an exceedingly rare procedure which is already illegal in almost all states. Otherwise, the term has to be defined somehow. Is it after 20 weeks? If so, why? A 21-week fetus is no more viable outside the womb than a 20-week, so why use that cutoff other than that it's a nice round number? Should there be any exceptions for cases of a fetus that has no chance of survival, or for maternal life-threatening conditions, etc? If so, why? If not, why not? And if so, who gets to make the determination of when it's okay and when it isn't?
This is a complicated issue that needs to be decided at the federal level so that all citizens can share the same rights. On the federal level so that national and international experts can weigh in, so that we can have open dialogue about the issue. Punting it back to the states makes no sense.
9
It’s true that his issue is not complicated, nor political, nor religious, for that matter - human life begins at conception. That is a scientific fact.
7
@Mark, when it's it's your uterus, feel free to choose to do with it as you wish. This comes down to choice and viability. If a woman chooses not to share her body, that is her choice. This includes pregnancy. However, should the gestational process be 20 weeks or more, the viability of the fetus will take precedence. Additionally, in the event the woman's life is in danger, she will take precedence over the fetus. These laws and guidelines are fair and just. To minimize a woman's right to her own body is to minimize her life altogether. And with over 8 BILLION human beings living on the planet, extinction of our species is non-existent. As it is we do not take care of the lives that are dying of hunger, curable diseases, homelessness, and in war zones!
11
@mark I appreciate this perspective. I'd like to point out that there are degrees of "life" to perhaps take into consideration.
When you eat eggs, do you feel that you're killing a chicken? Even when there's a little red dot in the egg?
When you step on an acorn, do you feel that you're killing an oak tree?
When the fuse is lit on a firecracker, can you still put it out?
Most abortions (90+ percent) take place at the red-dot-in-a-chicken-egg stage of things. If you personally believe that red dot should always, under all circumstances, be allowed to grow into a chicken, then you're free to let that happen, but in your own body. Others need to be able to make that same decision for themselves: omelets or chickens?
10
The fetus is part of the woman body. That is a fact. Her body, her choice. Not yours, not the government’s
10
I’m a male, so I really can’t tell any woman what they should be allowed or not allowed to do with their bodies. Having said that, I think as a society we all have an interest in the process of how children are or are not brought into society. The cornerstone of reproductive rights has to free, easily accessible, private family planning services and early education on the subject for girls and boys. Sex and it’s repercussions will always be a controversial subject but honest information and informed decision making and family planning options would go along way toward making abortion less common and less needed. You simply can’t be for restrictive abortion options and not be for family planning services being readily available to everyone. If it’s just because you are antisex you should admit that and be honest.
25
I can argue a woman's "right to choose" in any direction you like in Constitutional terms, but at present, it is a religious choice, and as such banning abortion is a first amendment violation. All of the anti propaganda is essentially couched in religious terms, with references to the Bible, or traceable to the Bible.
As such, the right to choose comes down to any woman's religious, or non religious belief, and should not be dictated by the government.
If you opposed to abortion, don't have one.
54
@Dirtlawyer
I have been making a similar but subtly different argument. Banning abortion is actually infringing on my right to practice my religion, because my religion (Judaism) allows abortion on a case by case basis. Allowing abortion infringes on nobody's right to practice their religion -- if your religion is opposed, don't do it. That seems like a clear-cut distinction.
There are, however, nonreligious opponents of abortion. They are the minority. I would argue that religious opponents for the most part don't actually have religious objections anyway -- just look at the history of abortion positions in the Protestant movement and you can see it's not as black and white as people want the world to think.
11
Thank you for sharing. I too had a very similar experience to yours. I, on the other hand, have been very ashamed and saddened by the choice I had to make. With that said, I know I made the right decision at the time. I do not want to be judged for my decision, as it was the most painful (emotionally) thing I have had to go through. And I will say it again, I know I made the right choice. We need to be able to say that it makes us sad without others assuming that means we made a mistake...it just means, I wish I never had to make that horrible choice 27 years ago.
108
@Dr. G -- thank you for your honesty. As you say, just because we are sad that we made a choice doesn't mean we think we made the wrong decision. Sometimes the right thing is the most difficult and painful. I admire you for having the courage to acknowledge this.
16
I am a 69 year old woman who had an abortion before it was legal. I was terrified before the abortion and so relieved after. Fortunately, I was able to find a doctor who believed that safe abortion was important and I did not have to resort to illegal means. Making abortion illegal will not stop it. Women will die. This is a personal decision about what a woman does with her own body.
209
@Karma dilly
Amen to that.
4
Although one cannot disagree with women's right to own their body, and mind, and do what's best for their health, abortion shall remain a thorny subject, in need of being addressed. Let us hope that a day will come when abortions can be prevented with ease, independent of our sexual activity, and enjoyment, akin to vaccinations to prevent a potentially deadly condition. For now, however, who are we men, to judge what is clearly women's prerrogative, if not choice, dictated by circumstances only they may judge.
5
This is why nearly all of my charitable contributions go to abortion providing nonprofits like Kentucky's A Fund. My first was the Abortion Rights Fund of Western Massachusetts where I was their "Ur donor". I was earning good money in 1988 and my history included an abortion at the age of 19 before they were legal so I was an easy recruit. The Western Mass Fund does OK financially so I have shifted my focus to funds whose limited resources cannot yet meet the needs of all women in their service area. I urge everyone who supports access to abortion and has the financial ability to do the same.
19
Same.
Married now for 28 years and had an abortion after our first daughter was 9 months old -- she's now 26 today. Never questioned; we occasionally discuss how old the child would be now, or how differently things might have been. Never with any regret.
No one knows when life begins, so why would we presume to remove the decision from a woman and give it to anyone else?
13
Why must Women be forced to defend the rights to their OWN Bodies ? It’s like we don’t have ownership, just a long-term lease. And the GOP controls the terms. Never, Ever VOTE for ANY Republican. It just encourages them, and tempts them to require more delays, tests and “ reasons “. Except when it’s their Family Member or Mistress.
NOVEMBER.
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@Phyliss Dalmatian
no ownership, just a long-term lease - excellent analogy!
Anti-abortion forces have largely succeeded in stigmatizing the procedure in the minds of the public over the past few decades. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
19
Thank you for sharing you experience AND also not justifying why you chose to have an abortion. It's no business of ours why you chose, and thank goodness you got to have the choice. I hope the same for my 2 girls if they ever need it.
20
Thank you for humanizing an experience that is treated too often like a third rail.
No one can predict in what situations we may find ourselves. And everyone deserves to make safe, respected choices.
155
I worry that the younger generation takes the right to an abortion for granted, since they have no memory of how it used to be. If they don’t come out in huge numbers this fall, and we get another conservative on the Court, we may end up right back where we used to be, hard as it is for us baby boomers to believe.
236
@Carey There are plenty of young women, particularly in the South and in conservative states, who know very well how fragile their rights are. Several states last year either proposed or actually passed laws that required the death penalty or life in prison for having an abortion.
It's important to remember these women. No all women live in New York, where their rights are respected. As a young woman, I can assure you we are not taking this for granted. We see every day how much is being done to reduce us down to nothing more than our wombs.
48
Wholehearted agreement from a 76 year old Catholic woman. I had an abortion almost 50 years ago (in Australia)and have never regretted it. Birth control hadn't worked. I would have made a terrible mother and saw no reason to inflict me on another generation of children. It was a demeaning experience, so I then had my tubes tied. Every woman should be able to make her own decision about motherhood; it's not as though the world needs more people.
274
@Laura I tried to have my tubes ties back in the '70 and was told that I would have to go through 2 years of psychiatric evaluation before it would be possible.
16
@Laura And yet, even here, white male Gyn/Obs continue to FORCE women to have babies. A close friend has come close to death during BOTH (unplanned) pregnancies and every doctor REFUSES to help her get her tubes tied. "You are too young to make this decision." She is about 27 and on welfare.
7
@Laura
I believe that abortion is a matter of personal choice.
However, I hope the author's daughters thank her for choosing not to abort them.
And I hope the author has thanked her mother for choosing not to abort her.
Thank you for sharing your story. I also had an abortion because I wanted to be the best mother I could be to my existing child. I got pregnant very unexpectedly at 42 after years of infertility and having adopted a daughter. She has intense needs and there is no way I could parent her adequately while also addressing the needs of another kid. I appreciate every woman who is willing and able to be public about her abortion. We are everywhere and have nothing to be ashamed of.
248
Abortion is a painfully divisive issue for most Americans, and for many around the world. I've learned it can unleash intense feelings in women -- and men -- with various perspectives.
But as a 71-year-old white male, I have always believed that men, even husbands, should be among the last to dictate what women do with decisions about bearing or not bearing a child.
I do respect what individuals think about when life begins, about the humanness of not of a fetus, etc. But I do not respect legislation that impinges on a woman's right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. It is not "murder" -- it is a choice based on that woman's agency over her own body and what she believes about her life and her current choice regarding maternity. Men should not legislate that choice, nor should other women judge or contribute to legislation that impinges on another woman's choice.
Abortion is complex, and no woman "wants" an abortion -- but it is her choice, not mine, nor a state legislator's. Laws are to protect people, not harm them. The Christians I know are loving people who see the fraught complexity in the issue -- but above all, support an individual woman, not a demeaning and damning law.
172
@SGK ; put yourself in the camp of those who do not see a developing human individual as deserving of basic human rights.
i wonder how one respects the opinions of others while simultaneously asserting that their opinions should not count. it sounds more like you wish to be seen as respectful, while dismissing in practice.
christians have a far weaker argument than does an agnostic humanist; the new testament is silent on the issue, the old testament law which jesus stated he was to fulfill permitted it. a christian might see a heaven for the abortee, the agnostic sees experience as paramount.
1
@SGK
"But as a 71-year-old white male, I have always believed that men, even husbands, should be among the last to dictate what women do with decisions about bearing or not bearing a child."
Yes! Thank you! Your comment encapsulates my strong feelings about the right to choose. There's nothing quite so enraging - particularly for me as a woman who has endured a rape and two abortions - as reading or hearing a man wax on about the imperative of taking away a woman's control over their bodies.
I do so wish that more men had your compassion and empathy.
24
@bill zorn
Your comment needs some specificity? I cannot tell whether you believe that "a developing human individual" has rights or not.
Bottom line: This is one topic that goes beyond opinions. Anti-choicers can state their opinions all day long but it does not change the fact that they are opining about MY BODY.
19
I too had an abortion, soon after Roe was decided. If I hadn't had that opportunity for reproductive choice, I shudder to imagine how my life would have continued: then I was a seriously depressed woman with other mental health issues resulting from childhood sexual abuse. I was in no condition to handle the responsibilities and the relationship of motherhood. I could say that Roe gave me the chance to move my life toward health and happiness. But I won't, because that right should always and naturally belong to women.
60
I am Catholic and I oppose abortion but I am pro-choice. I believe in the sacredness of all life - the unborn, the death row inmate, the enemy. But I do not believe this belief can be legislated.
Modeling and teaching the sacredness of life will go a lot further to protect the unborn than forcing women to give birth to children that they do not want.
84
@BQ thank you for sharing this response. It is important to me, as a non-catholic and pro-choice woman, to know that there are people with other beliefs who respect mine.
11
I’m a white woman from a middle class family. My parents were both professionals. I got decent grades and had a happy childhood and got pregnant my senior year of high school. I had an abortion without hesitation and have never looked back. The personal details (like the author’s) matter because they remind us that any woman can find herself unexpectedly and undesirably pregnant. Abortions aren’t just for “bad girls,” or girls from difficult homes. Humans have sex. Sometimes sex, even when protected, leads to an unwanted pregnancy. Having the choice to end my unscheduled pregnancy let me go to college on time, graduate with honors, go to law school, have a wonderful career, marry, and have children I was ready to raise. My life and my children’s are better for it. I understand that many people genuinely believe as a matter of religious principle that abortion is the murder of a human life. I appreciate the sincerity of that belief. But I don’t share it and nobody’s religion should legislate my control over my own physical person.
145
@Emily Your success is exactly why the GOP is trying to outlaw abortion--they don't want women to go to college, then to law school, etc. That's what it is ALL about. Period. Not about the sanctity of life--I get that belief, even if I don't share it--after all, no one is making you get one. It's about keeping women in kitchen and bedroom.
16
The human race would be much better off if women were left alone to make the choice on whether or not to carry to term, birth and raise a child. Parenting starts at birth and requires so many support systems to be in place, which this country doesn't have. Women know..the power to choose is beyond debate.
46
@D. Definitely, disregard the men, once the conception is arranged. That ought to work really well.
It should be pointed out that the vast majority of abortions (~90%) are "medically necessary", not "elective". Generally speaking, "medically necessary" means a dead fetus. This is not a birth control issue. It is a woman's life issue.
20
@Paula Holliday
Actually, at least 75% of abortions are elective according to the Guttmacher Institute. Can you quote your source for 90% being medically necessary, as this seems blatantly false.
2
@Allison Grace 75% percent is for inability to afford a baby. All reasons taken together, elective procedures form an even larger majority. https://www.guttmacher.org/journals/psrh/2005/reasons-us-women-have-abortions-quantitative-and-qualitative-perspectives
-NW
@Paula Holliday I have no idea where you are getting that statistic from. Perhaps it is true in the third trimester, but overall 90% or more are elective. This is a breakdown for reasons for abortion in different years: http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/abreasons.html
-NW
No one knows with certainty when life begins. That is why, arguments to the contrary, abortion is such a complicated issue.
7
@Jennifer Consider an alternate view. Life may indeed begin at conception, but that fact alone, does not mean it is or should be protected, at that point.
15
@Jennifer
Yes.
This country, for all that it bally-hoos that religiously defined moment of conception, that it is the moment that "life" begins, still uses a "birth certificate" not a "conception certificate".
Until this country - or ANY country, even the Vatican State - uses a "conception certificate", then I'll stick to the legal definition of "breathing" to define when life begins and when it ends.
No wonder there are now more atheists in this country now than there are Catholics.
These Republicans will make atheists of us all.
14
@Jennifer
I think for many people the question is not when life begins, but rather what is the nature of the life form, and what, if any, rights does it have. A newly fertilized ovum is undoubtedly formed of living cells, and is therefore alive. But what does that mean? It's not sentient in any way, It is incapable of thought or emotion. It cannot feel pain. It has the genetic potential to one day be human, to be a person, but it also has the very real potential to flushed out of the uterus before anyone even knows it's there. The real issue is whether or not it should have rights that supersede those of any other living human, the right to use another person body against their will. No civilized society forces people to make organ, blood.or tissue donations against their will, even if innocent people may die as result. Parents are not legally required to donate blood or organs to their own children. People can actually be barred from voluntarily donating if it places their own life or health in danger. Even the dead must have given prior consent before organs are harvested. Why should a pregnant person by stripped of rights that even corpses have?
21
Thank you for sharing your story and your advocacy for women's bodily autonomy. I had an abortion four years ago and feel relief and gratitude that I had the right to do so safely, the resources to pay for it and the support of the few I chose to tell. I am no longer keeping this a secret as though I should be ashamed or keep it quiet to spare others' discomfort. The drive to control our bodies is valued over our rights as individual humans. We need to speak loudly and often to protect all women's rights to full autonomy over what happens to and with our bodies.
67
Because the author identified her ethnicity I will identify mine -- a 72 year old white guy. I did not learn until the very end of her life at 85 that my mother had an an abortion in the 1940's just out of high school, before she was married. A couple of years later she met and married my father, a WWII vet. They were married for 60 years and had three kids. My mother was a supporter of Planned Parenthood and so am I. One day I approached a lone protester in front of Planned Parenthood and said to her, I respect your beliefs so please respect mine. I would not tell you to have or not have an abortion so please do not tell others what they can or cannot do. Her reaction disturbed me because she would not engage. Instead he face screwed up into an expression of hate and she turned her back on me.
New York artists currently have a project called, Abortion is Normal, and I think they are right.
222
@Robert The lone protester may have a belief system which includes not accepting those with a differing belief system. Belief systems are hard to get around!
4
@Robert
Thank you, Robert!
We need more men like you - who understand that the issue of the right to choose should be SOLELY within the purview and agency of the woman whose body is involved.
Period.
13
@Robert
Ponder this: First calculate as best able the number of hours, the dollars, the energy, the emotions, the pain invested in this pro-choice/pro-life battle over all these years. Then ponder what the outcome would have been if all that resource had been instead spent reducing unwanted and unhealthy pregnancies thru education and support.
I no longer will argue with a pro-lifers but instead ask the questions above.
4
Roe is not a pro-abortion decision. It is a balanced decision. It balances the rights of women and babies at different stages of the pregnancy. That sort of compromise is the only solution. Some radical opponents to any abortion may believe that they will eventually prevail, but this country will never accept a total ban on abortions, or even severe restrictions, for any significant length of time. Even if the Supreme Court were to decide that all abortions are somehow unconstitutional, that decision would not stand and would eventually be overturned, because so little of the country accepts that view. Scientific advances along the lines of RU486, moreover, for which demand would skyrocket under a total, national ban, would render the opposition moot in any event. Abortion foes need to get over it. Abortion is here to stay and there isn't much they can do about it.
79
I support choice but I do object to the characterizing of restrictions as some male driven issue. In fact, conservative women as opposed to conservative men are the strongest most vociferous supporters of pro life positions. (See multiple NPR/Marist polls). The country is clear on Roe but not on either unrestricted or government paid abortions. I find the constant drumbeat of “men are the problem” to be inflammatory and counter to the facts.
39
@Chris, I agree. I'm always surprised at women who spout anti-abortion rants so vociferously. I can understand those who aren't FOR abortion. Many pro-choice people agree with that sentiment. The problem is that we can never know what individual women are dealing with and why they think abortion is the only answer.
16
@Chris
I could see that. I would just say I think, at least for me, it is one of the most enraging things in the world to watch powerful men (legislators or justices) sit around a table and discuss my bodily rights. It makes me feel like we are viewed not unlike livestock - dumb breeding assets. I am not sure if men have a place at this debate table at all; but I absolutely know that right now they have very outsize sway on the matter.
58
@Lauren Agree completely. An approach of generalization is always hazardous. 'All men,' 'all women,' 'all [whatever]' will always get us into trouble.
5
I appreciate the heartfelt perspective here, but I'm not sure of what I am supposed to take away from the description of her physical characteristics which begins the piece, nor how it informed her choice--clarification appreciated.....
14
@Dennis Holland, The author was describing her physical features to make the point that having had an abortion was also a feature, not an act that headlines how she is defined.
21
@Dennis Holland, Could it be that she wanted to disabuse anyone of the old canard that abortions are a ruse to limit the population of people of color? There are those who have asserted such.
18
@Katherine Cagle Thank you both for your additional perspective, much appreciated---
3
I think we are rapidly approaching a time in which women must vote with their feet. It may be time to abandon states that do not see us as autonomous human beings. They can (and do) fiddle around the edges of our human rights; we in turn can and should just leave. We don't have to play these games with them anymore.
74
@Lauren
Actually I think it is the other way around. We need to have persons of clear thinking migrate to the states where abortion bans, and other regressive policy’s are being put in place. Leavening will make these states redder and assure that the balance in the Senate remains and grows to the Republicans.
This is not easy, because people have to work as well as the challenges of living where majority opinions differ from your own. I live in upstate NY and at times I feel that I live in an unknown land.
Perhaps we should look to retired progressives that led the fight for civil rights, women’s rights, gay rights and to end the war in Viet Nam to take this moment to lead again and start forming progressive communities in every state in the union to offset the domination of relatively small numbers of people that have created a tyranny of the minority.
24
@Lauren
Most people can't afford to move about the country as they might wish.
14
@Lauren I agree. I have two daughers and when the time comes to select which colleges to even consider we will be looking at State laws and not even consider visiting schools in certain States. But I would STRONGLY ADVISE PARENTS OF BOYS TO DO THE SAME!! Consider what might happen when your slighlty drunk son goes to a party? He also might be pressured into doing something he was not ready for and then a month later find that he owes child support payments for the next 20 years (regardless of what he or she wants to do).
16
If it wasn't for shaming others sexually/morally, America would have nothing to talk about!
It's wearying, having to explain that lady parts aren't icky, in this 'enlightened' nation, in the year 2020.
I understand that men are used to having all the power, but I don't understand why it's necessary to actually lie about abortion, nor make women into murdering haters, while chanting again for a war in the Middle East.
111
@deb
Deb, I am a 76 year old male who has supported Roe since (and prior to) it's inception. I do not think the anti-abortion issue is predominantly male driven. Amazingly, there are mostly women at the "pro-life" rallys I have seen----- go figure.
26
@Bobcb
Yes, it's called "internalized misogyny."
The majority of political leaders implementing abortion restrictions are men.
29