I gladly stand behind you in your efforts against discrimination. I support your decision as an adult to live your life freely as you please.
However, I am still bewildered by the way the "progressive" and "wok" segment of society embraces and encourages individuals who declare their chosen gender, but vilify those who declare their chosen race.
27
A rarity in the comments section, but the critical comments here are reasoned and rational. Those who want reasonable rights for transpeople should heed the critics or else the hopes of acceptance will not be achieved. Many people started out wanting transpeople to have rights and dignity, but many of us have reached Peak Trans.
signed,
S
(pronouns: me, I, you)
45
I haven't the slightest objection to Mr. Boylan's calling himself whatever he wants. But anyone who calls him a woman is either flattering him or simply lying.
48
“It’s become fairly clear that letting people love one another has somehow failed to destroy the Republic.”
Those who would demonize (and are doing so) LGBTQ+ humans — and in the process are encouraging us to hate one another —are doing a sufficient job of destroying the Republic already.
11
John Locke(ian) tolerance, no problem. Mandating acceptance including ersatz language usage mangling Strunk&White's "the Elements of Style" absolutely no!
22
Trans folks may be a small majority but let's be honest: at one point or another, we've all felt the heavy hand of the society imposing its norms on us. I'm cis-hetereo male. Yet one of my favourite things to do as a kid was to put on Mom's high heels and walk around. Gender dysphoria sounds awful. Live and let live.
12
I am having to repost my comment after the original mysteriously disappeared. Perhaps some are afraid of truth about this issue.
I fully support the rights of transgender people to live free from discrimination. But the portrayal of this movement as if it is the same as the fight for civil rights for women, African-Americans, gays and lesbians is not right. Those movements simply asked that individuals not be discriminated against on the basis of something they could not change (sex, race, sexuality). Transgender activism asks us to deny the reality that there are two biological sexes, and to change society to allow anyone who declares themselves a woman to be allowed into women's sports, changing rooms, and prisons. To teenagers, It presents surgeries and lifelong dependence on synthetic hormones as a way to 'become your authentic self.' It encourages us to think that any child who does not follow sexist stereotypes should be put on puberty blockers that prevent the developlement of their bodies. Anyone who criticizes is besieged by a mob crying bigotry. I'm sure there are people who experience severe discomfort with their sexed bodies, but the response should first be therapy to explore the root of those feelings - not a rush to surgically alter the body. And adults have the right to do what they want with their bodies. But we cannot restructure society by denying the reality of two sexes), and must allow children to grow up without surgeons and synthetic drugs.
85
Max, thank you. My thoughts exactly.
2
Great article. It says it all.
Jennifer I wish you well and admire your courage. But there is more to life than identity politics. We should all unite to end oppression not be in competition to see who is the most oppressed and wear it like a badge.
Identity politics tend to put people in silos when we need to be about uniting to emancipate all of Humanity.
Binary, cisgender, gender fluidity, preferred pronouns -seriously?
We are sliding towards Fascism, millions of people are refugees and we are facing climate apocalypse and this is what we are supposed to be concerned about?
I suggest we have larger issues and fish to fry.
Your gender preference, how you dress or whatever is your business. It is who you are as a person that makes you unique and special.
Are you always going to feel the necessity of putting
on your “Trans” badge. Hope not Jennifer. It is pretty
superficial.
36
What a clear and simple brilliant Op-Ed. Brava to you Jennifer. Brava to your gift as a writer!
8
Why reinforce gender stereotypes? Why not allow women to be masculine and allow men to be feminine? There is so much stereotypical gender regressiveness in this movement that women have been fighting for all my adult life. Dress however you please. Call yourself whatever you like. Sleep with any consenting adult who'll have you. Live your best life in peace and security. Biological sex is real, and it is the reason why women have been oppressed for centuries by biological males.
Hairspray and nail polish do not define biology
71
Women compete in sports with other women. Men compete in sports with other men. Trans people should compete with other trans people.
40
The fact that transgender people exist is, in fact, totally weird. I'm not gonna pretend it isn't. One could even consider it a mental illness, but what's the point? Why not just accept the facts, deal with our own weirded-out-ness, and welcome trans folks to be themselves. It's only an aberration if we allow it to be one. Red hair is kind of weird, too, when you stop and think about it. But these folks do just fine when we think of them as normal.
2
"People objecting to the sanctity of the powder room, or tearfully defending women’s athletics, or terrified by the prospect of us serving our country . . ."
It's revealing, the dripping disdain for sex-based rights. Not very sisterly.
45
A woman is an adult human female. Males cannot be women. It is a biological impossibility. A woman is not defined by clothes, makeup, and feelings. It is the height of misogyny to claim otherwise.The trans movement is societal gaslighting on an epidemic scale. People know the difference between a man and a woman, a girl and a boy. So-called trans rights come at the expense of the rights mostly, of women and girls, whose rights to dignity and privacy are being stripped away by men like Boylan.
People are fed up with all of this and have had enough. This kind of sexist nonsense is helping to re-elect Donald Trump. Screaming "transphobia" every time someone wants to acknowledge biological reality, will not change that reality. Enough with all of this nonsense. You're a man. Figure out a way to deal with it.
71
I'm not understanding why this has become such an issue. Several years ago I took no notice of many things. Then one day I stumbled upon this feminist who later wrote a piece for the NY Times. Anita Sarkeesian. Now the Times and other publications delight in the spectacle of such novelty and allow her to have her say. Total nonsense. Complete unfounded nonsense. This line was crossed: subjectivity into FACT. How then does Ms. Pacman become Sexist and like transgenders this becomes the most pressing problem ever, which I take as a personal insult because sexism in Video Games isn't the issue that should stop the press. School debt. Mental ill. Homeless. As Bipolar I know our numbers outnumber and that's just Bipolar. Perhaps I should form a whole alphabet list of mental illness and that will really dwarf and put all to shame the Gatekeeps for hiding this indignity. But if mental illness doesn't parade about then nobody takes notice, though you will see some of my kind in tents in the street and sometimes found dead on the sidewalks, be sure to ask them which pronouns they prefer before giving their eulogies. Pronouns are a superfluous concession as I hardly ever use pronouns in my speech as others who do so lend themselves into confusion and think of the practice in attempting to use "they" for "he" or "she" - like poor misguiding Sarkeesian how is that not a major distraction coming from fastidious fussbudgets mostly seeking attention.
6
From looking at the comments here, I have two unrelated things to say:
1) We hate to have our conceptual world changed. I had a girlfriend long ago who, in speaking to her 5 year old son, called the back of her station wagon the "way back." It annoyed me. She changed my language. I now realize it was my problem, not hers (or her son's), and in that respect, I was her problem. "Cisgender" still annoys me, but as problems go, its the least of my worries. And when I get used to it, it won't annoy me any more.
2) Regarding bathrooms: get real. Mr. Conservative, when your seven year old daughter goes to the ladies room, do you really want her to have to deal with someone who looks totally male, with a beard, etc. (Transmen seem to strive to look more masculine than their cisgender counterparts.) And do you want to explain it to her? Or would you prefer people doing what they have been doing- going to the place where they feel most comfortable, where other people have always been comfortable with them, where they don't stand out as anything but another person, and where there almost never has been a problem.
Yes, during transition it gets a little complicated, but it is complicated however you arrange it. And, like language, once you get used to it, it's not complicated or "a problem."
14
For anyone interested in the other side of the story, which unfortunately the NYT doesn't seem interested in reporting, please take a look at the stories of detransitioners on https://www.reddit.com/r/detrans/
There are real unintended consequences of all this celebration of transgender people - namely teenage girls coming out as trans, getting on testosterone quickly (because questioning from doctors or therapists would be "conversion therapy" aka bigotry), and coming to regret it a few years down the road after their bodies have been permanently changed.
There has to be a middle ground.
48
The writer’s claim that doctored biological males posing as women in women’s sports is a non-problem with application of hormone adjustments is fully delusional, self serving, and anti-science. To say nothing of grossly unfair to other competitors who happened to be actual females.
If you call me and others with these “views” haters, then it is you that is the demagogue.
59
Reading the comments here from bigots, TERFs, etc., points to the problems we face from all of you. Our attempts at visibility are not meant to harm you. But you feel threatened by us. To find the answer, you need to look inside.
6
If JK Rowling can Tweet this:
"Dress however you please. Call yourself whatever you like. Sleep with any consenting adult who'll have you. Live your best life in peace and security. But force women out of their jobs for stating that sex is real?"
And within hours be denounced as a "cruel" "transphobe," "hater," and "bigot," then we have learned that many trans activists are more interested in wielding the power of victimhood than finding common ground with people of goodwill.
The fawning comments about Ms. Boylan's "brave" expositions about her trans journey are silly. She would show much more bravery by taking on fellow trans activists who bully people like Ms. Rowling - someone clearly on their side - who commit the crime of refusing to mouth 100% of their preferred rhetoric.
79
Jennifer, although I've always supported trans people in theory (mostly in theory -- I've known a few through my work), I did hold some reservations about some of the issues you bring up. Thanks for the information! It has helped relieve me of the stubborn reserve of bias I was aware I was harboring. I continue to have a hard time wrapping my head around the whole concept of being born in the wrong body, but I know no one goes through transition to seek fun and attention. You and others are chipping away at how I think, and it's working.
78
I support all this, but sometimes feel like my support isn't welcomed. As many comments here state, correctly IMHO, the left has failed in its PR campaign to win over the public on this issue because the movement has been taken over by folks who are too aggressive in their condemnation of anyone who doesn't embrace their view of gender as a social construct. Frankly, most folks see gender as being inextricably intertwined with what they have between their legs, and to say that gender is something defined by society, and not biology, is a very complicated and confusing idea. Reconciling themselves to such an idea, if that were even wise, takes time. People don't change their views overnight, and they don't change them with the threat of being publicly tarred for mispronouncing pronouns. Sometimes the most we can reasonably expect from our fellow humans is to be treated with decency. I don't pretend to know what others truly feel about the world. I can't- it's impossible. But I can love them anyway, in my own flawed way. I say redefine this movement away from identity politics and the pseudo-intellectual conceit of 'constructs' of this-or-that. That goes nowhere. What we all need to be doing, given what's going on politically, is to start having a meaningful conversation about what it means to treat each other decently, and in a broad sense, especially to those we can't stand. Clinging to identity politics as a guide ain't gonna get us there.
69
I am sympathetic to trans women. But when they transition in middle age, I always wonder what they're wives are thinking. Like many women, they've sacrificed their careers to have children and/or support the marriage. They're too old to start over in this sexist, ageist society. It's impossible to think they're all sanguine about this change in a partner. I'd like to read about their rage and feeling of betrayal for once.
106
Sporting events should be separated by biological sex, not gender. I don’t even know why this has to be said.
104
I'm very suspect of anyone calling anyone else a transphobe these days. You know what I said that got me doxxed/threatened? That got my employer called? That got DMs sent to coworkers and friends? "Homosexuals and heterosexuals exist."
Their sexuality is not changed by someone else's inner feelings.
No matter how much a male person does to their body, I cannot be attracted to them.
It is physically impossible for me and other people who fall on either extreme of hetero or homosexual. No matter how much we respect that person or love them in any other way.
The idea that with enough hormones, surgeries, or willpower, a male body can magically BE a female body is wrong. I understand it hurts trans people to know their bodies will never be a one-for-one, but telling straight and gay people that they should accept sexually unfulfilling relationships with trans people to "validate" that person's gender isn't the solution. It doesn't change reality.
Much like with sports, biology is where I draw the line. Pronouns, clothes, bathrooms, whatever. People should live their best lives, but biology is still reality. The weird thing is, offline, every trans person I know feels this way and are openly annoyed with people like you, Ms. Boylan. Wealthy narcissists who live in bubbles (as well as young people who live almost entirely online and forget that material reality matter), make life a lot harder for trans people in the real world.
109
I’d pay a lot more attention to what the author has to say if her recognition of and thanks to fellow trans folk weren’t limited, with one single exception, to other transwomen.
Again and again and again, women born into male bodies, just like men born into male bodies — almost all of whom were treated as boys and enjoyed male privilege coming up — demand and too often command all the attention and insist their way is The way, their experience is The experience. and all without a whit if self-awareness it seems.
Maybe they/you have some important qualities and skills to learn from men born into women’s bodies (most of whom grew up being treated as female) and from women born into female bodies.
And NYT, why don’t you also have a transman columnist??
67
You’re welcome to be transgender, but you’re not a woman as you are not female. Women have their female-based spaces and activities, and as you are a male, you are excluded from them. And this is an example of equity. You are entitled to equity as well, but your equity is not that of females, as you are not female. Women do not owe, nor do they need to feel compelled to share, their spaces and activities with transgender women. It is your transgender community’s responsibility to create your own spaces and activities, and not to take from those of females.
115
I'm fascinated by the high proportion of prominent transgender individuals, such as Boylan, Jenner, Pritzker, McCloskey, Conway, Donnelly, Morris, Foxx and the like, who usually grew up as quite masculine boys and often became fathers, and then decided they were actually female.
These individuals generally seem to combine a high degree of willfulness and self-interest. Scientists such as Ray Blanchard Michael Bailey have pointed out that this population of ex-men is highly distinctive from transgenders who were always quite effeminate as boys.
We should see more discussion of this distinction in the press. It would help readers make more sense of the patterns.
25
The idea of sharing a restroom with Lindsey Graham, Mike Pence or Sean Hannity does gross me out. But I would never ban them just because of their fevered panicky, bigoted thoughts.
9
I'm support equal rights for trans people and think the scare tactics being used against them are absurd and ignorant. The bathroom bills in particular: would any of these outraged supporters prefer a trans man like Buck Angel (trans porn star, Google him) use the women's rest room or a trans woman like Laverne Cox use the men's? Of course not. They have zero idea what it means to be trans or how hormone therapies can alters ones body. Let people make their own decisions about which bathroom they belong in and pee in peace.
Sometimes the activists are insufferable though (and I question how many of the trans activists who are the most annoyingly woke are actually trans themselves) We can support equal rights for trans people while still having nuanced discussions about unresolved issues. For example, are trans women "women" in every sense of the word? Does a trans woman athlete whose testosterone built decades worth of male musculature and bone structure truly switch to being on equal playing field with cis female athlete whose with estrogen coursing through her veins her entire life? Can we talk about the difference between biological sex and gender without being chewed up and spit out by the woke Twitter mob a la JK Rowling?
None of these discussions means that trans people should not be treated equally or that they are not deserving of dignity and respect nor that they shouldn't have equal rights under the law.
27
As a liberal, I confess I'm struggling with the trans movement these days.
If Ms. Boylan -- you be you. Dress how you like, live how you like, use the pronouns you like. I don't even care if you use the stall in the restroom next to me.
But the stridency of today's trans movement doesn't allow for *any* debate of biology's role in sports, changing rooms, safe spaces for abused women, etc., without screaming about trans-phobia. It doesn't permit *parents* to question the wisdom of -- & lack of research on -- medical transition of trans-identifying youth/kids without the questioner being labeled a bigot. (See the recent JK Rowling controversy.)
66
Well done—in every way—Jenny Boylan.
4
Heterosexual males have taken over what was once the gay rights movement.
27
No one should be subjected to discrimination and should live as they please - but, as far as I am concerned, I still see a transwoman or a transman as what they were originally (biologically). Facts are facts and no amount of social reconstruction is going to change the fact that a person was born either a male or female (and exceptionally - a very rare event indeed - without readily identifiable genitalia).
True, one can identify however they wish (it's no skin of my nose and I don't care), but I am not about to change pronouns (i.e. use 'they' instead of 'he' or 'she'). Sorry and all that, but that's how I feel . . .
21
All I know is that I was born female. I haven't always liked being a woman, but I guess I feel that's the way this game on earth is played. I don't know what other people should do, but I look at the money involved in changing one's birth sex. Being male or female may not be your first choice, but it's not physically life-threatening. It costs a lot of money to change the decision your chromosomes made. Aren't there better things to do with that money than getting operations and buying drugs to make yourself only physically different from the person you were born?
21
Haters need something to hate, you can't stop that. Don't even try, let them be weirded-out, their kids will get it....All you have to do is to walk in the world as yourself. Someday, gender fluidity will be recognized as normal, thanks to brave front liners like you.
5
Fine. Now can we PLEASE look forward to the LAST time you say “I’m trans”?
18
Well done, crack on......keep raising consciousness, I have a lot to learn but I am open and ready to!
3
God's/nature's plan requires elaborate reconstructive surgery?
27
I'm OK, you're OK, trans is OK with me...
1
What's your position on JK Rowling's comment that self-perceived gender may be fluid but that sex is not?
18
Continuing disproportionate Times LGBTQ etc boutique coverage delivering free trump 2020 Campaign advertising mirroring 2016.
32
I hit Peak Trans when Chimamanda Adichie was encircled by the mob and forced to declare "transwomen are women" or else be set on a pyre.
36
I really could care less about trans folks. Save for one area: M2F should not, under any circumstances, compete against F. Muscles are larger in natal males. Bones are denser. Hearts are larger. And NONE of these are changed by a year of hormone therapy. More and more research is revealing this truth: M2F vs F means that F loses.
If trans folks want to be accepted, M2F should not use biological advantages to get cheap sports victories. It's just wrong, and it's unfair to women.
60
Men don’t belong in women’s sports. At all. Ever.
59
What is it about bigots and bathrooms? They needed a new group to bully when they couldn't get away with "whites only anymore? Isn't a home bathroom all-gender anyway? If it wasn't so evil, it would almost be laughable.
5
You do you, let me do me... don't make me do you. Most of us literally don't care about your identity... be happy enjoy who you are. But if you think that you can dictate how I perceive you you are infringing on my freedoms. Also, having biological males compete against biological women because their mind says they are a girl ruins REAL women's chances of winning inside their own sports. Lastly, suggesting we transition children is tantamount to child abuse. Once you are an adult, you do you, let me do me... don't make me do you.
44
You are preaching to the converted. No one who has a problem with trans reads this newspaper. Get this published in Times Picayune. Now you are getting somewhere.
3
"Fact: more Republican members of Congress have been arrested because of their conduct in restrooms in this country than trans women." I love this.
You are Jennifer Finney Boylan. You are Jennifer. Simple.
4
Why are all the NYTimes “picks” supportive of comments that echo the author’s position? There are thoughtful, yet questioning comments from others that merit “picking.”
48
What the average person would suggest that trans people do (if they would not be branded a bigot for saying it) is to suck it up and live your best life in the body you were born in, and give up this pointless obsession with what sex you are. Nowadays you can do or be anything you want, regardless of what sex you are. One thing I particularly don't get is why people transition if they can't pass as the other sex. If you just look weird as trans, then you're not really living a life as your desired sex, you're living life as a weird third thing that most strangers won't how to deal with and won't want to spend the time to figure out. OK, time to call me bigot now. Thank you...
18
Oh Krikey, who cares what someone has between their legs, or who they make love to. Maybe its all the sexual prohibitions in the Old Testament, and all the whohah that we hear every day from the ultra religious of all religions. Wouldn't it be better if everyone was more moderate in their utterances and circumspect in their behavior? Just suggesting!
4
Call yourself what you want, wear what you want, act how you want, write what you want, have the cosmetic surgeries you want, and take the legal drugs you want over the age of 18. And I will call you personally what you want, and treat you with all the dignity that anyone deserves. It's the American way of being adult. Just don't encourage my grade-school child, who has not yet gone beyond Piaget's preoperational stage and Freudian latency, in her or his gender dysphoria in the unlikely event that it should appear. The data are overwhelming that she or he will ultimately identify with her or his biological sex.
45
I love Ms. Boylan's use of the phrase "weirds me out" because it so honestly articulates the truth of developing a culture that is primed to give people room to be outside the norm. It's not about pretending that some differences might not take getting used to. It's about being mindful of one's response to these differences. The more our children grow up in an environment that encourages thoughtful reactions to new ways of being, the safer we all are.
3
I always look forward to Dr. Boylan's columns & this one is no exception. She is one of the most articulate and quietly challenging writers that i see on the NYT staff. Each time I read her work i find myself learning something & perhaps most important, THINKING. I am full of prejudices and discomforts. I make mistakes on a daily basis. I will never fully achieve the commandment to "love each other as i have loved you". I can only hope that by continuing to try -and by learning from wiser folks than me- i make progress. Thank you so much Dr. Boylan. please keep on keeping on.
14
Reminds me of ordering the book “The Church and the Homosexual” at a local bookstore in the late 80’s. Not quite the same level, but my knees were shaking. Thank you for your courage and the memory.
3
Biological males competing in athletics against biological females is, I believe, a threat to the newly emerging world of athletics for biological women. A couple of months of hormone therapy doesn't counteract years and years of development as a post-puberty, biological male. A world in which women could compete in and be taken seriously as athletes is a relatively new place. Biological males turning women's sports co-ed is a big step backward for biological womankind and women's sports.
72
Excellent article written with great courage. However sex is binary. We can be trans persons identifying as a man or a woman but a trans woman is not a female and cannot intrude in certain areas where women or girls want to feel safe from men no matter who they say they are sexually. The same can be said of male only spaces. Furthermore, the trans movement promotes gender stereotypes which the women’s liberation movement has been trying to abolish since its inception. I propose separate accommodations for those humans who self identify with the opposite sex: bathrooms, sports, shelters... and full and total respect for them. But as a physician who works with children and adolescents, we must return to an evidence based science.
77
Your writing on the subject gave one of my students the courage to come out as transgender. Since then, I have recommended your writing to other students who are looking for support, comfort, and details about other trans people's experiences as they enter unknown territory with trepidation and desperation, hoping to find safe space. Thank you.
7
Professor Boylan, thank you for continuing to write and speak your truth. Thank you for your advocacy and your willingness to teach those of us who need to learn. Thank you for the beauty of your prose. Most of all, thank you for being visible so that others may find the courage to be so too.
7
I always feel better when I read your columns. You capture an essence of the human experience that causes one to pause and reflect. I wish you continued good fortune on your journey. And a good pint of Guinness and a wee bit of Jameson’s
7
I live according to the golden rule. Yet I am more convinced than ever that this is precisely the sort of self-absorption that has frightened millions of Americans into voting for Mr. Trump. And its going to continue to frighten people who fear their old-fashioned values are being displaced by new vocabularies and new "genders." The fact that this whole cis-gender phenomenon has been championed by the "progressive" movement compounds the problem for the democrats.
I'm glad I'm 60 and am looking at the light at the other end of the tunnel.
25
I read the comments and all I could think of was, “who cares?”. People are just people and should be treated like it. Their gender identity is no threat to anyone and nobody’s business but their own. We should all be thinking about things that really pose a threat to us.
3
There are many issues preventing a national discussion of the issues surrounding gender dysphoria. First is our split media culture. Most conservatives get their news from conservative outlets whose mission is to make their constituents feel good about themselves, not educate them about the issues of the day.
Homosexuals have it easier than Trans-gender individuals in that their numbers are greater. A given given population of humans will run about 10% to 15% gay. Those with gender dysphoria, about .002% to .01%. It is easier to dispell prejudice when you aren't an abstraction. At his point on my life I couldn't even count the number of gay people I know. Trans-gender people,.. one? Ok two if I count that girl in high school.
Most of the conservatives I know in my home state of Alabama know very few gay people and for them the Trans-gender are a media abstraction provided by Fox News.
Fox News, in turn, has benefited from the crumby job that advocates for the Trans-gender have done. They don't discuss or explain, instead they just call anyone they disagree with transphobic and call it a day.
Add on to this the bewildering admonition about gender being a social construct and you mutual incomprehension.
8
Speaking to the point that "We were made to see if you meant it when you said, 'Love each other as I have loved you,'" I hope that no trans person believes their purpose is to be a litmus test for the Christian right's devotion to their religion's actual principles. I think we all know that's a lost cause.
2
Another honest & moving testimony by Jennifer Finney Boylan. Her bravery is the equivalent of jumping off a cliff, especially with what's taken place in our country since she came out. I'm sure in these intolerant times, she has faced so much hate. Thank you New York Times. Thank you Jennifer. Your perspective is a universal one for anyone who has ever felt different or marginalized. I applaud your strength.
4
Reminds me of the era In which left handed children were forced to change despite their nature. Why can we not just accept differences in people in regard to other parts of their beings. One size,does not fit all!
9
My middle kid just came out as Trans. I'm ashamed of some of the things I assumed and said to him. Even though I live in a liberal bubble, and all three of my kids have trans friends, I was left with a sinking feeling. I was scared for him. Jennifer's column confirms why I was - that trans people are more vulnerable than ever before. Twenty years ago, we did not have 'the words with which to demonize' them. So now it is up to us. Normalizing biological differences is living out the basic humanist and religious dictum: treat others as you would want to be treated.
9
@Amy S My daughter came out as trans about 18 months ago. She is 25. I am alternately terrified for her safety, hopeful for her new happiness, and in despair about her inability to find meaningful work in her field. Mostly I see that she is more joyful. Bottom line for me: love is the most powerful thing I can give her. Peace be with you and your family.
5
I could not care less whether a person is gay, trans or something else I am still not aware of. I am glad that everybody has the same rights, and I respect everybody's choices and identities. Having said that, can we proceeed to solve other important problems such as education, health care and crumbling infrastructure?
6
Why is it that gender identification seems to be the most important thing about a person? It's not important at all to me what gender another person considers themselves to be. Guessing or having to be corrected on a non apparent pronoun is mildly annoying but if it will help gender-obsessed people stop talking about themselves... fine.
8
It was much easier to cope for many people when they did not have to acknowledge LGBTQ people and keep them in their mental closet. They went about their lives pretending everyone was a heterosexual man or woman and as long as the "other" kept quiet and a down-low profile they were content. I find this true even among my progressive friends.
I am a 70 year old white guy born and raised in Michigan but liberalized by 45 plus years of living on the west coast. And yet I am not sure how to properly interact with trans people. I feel awkward around them. You would do us all a favor if you could devote some of your columns to that subject. We are trying to find our way as well. Diversity is not without its difficulties.
6
As far as I'm concerned, the conservative argument is this:
Trans people have the freedom to act as they please, and express themselves as they please, and should be protected from discrimination.
The issue is when I as an individual am expected to acknowledge a transition as legitimate. I do not believe that gender is fluid, and that someone born one gender can change to the other (there are only 2 after all!) I will treat someone with decency in a conversation, but should not feel forced to use "preferred pronouns". Instead, it should be ok to just use that person's name instead. In that situation, the trans person would not be offended and I would not feel compelled to acknowledge the legitimacy of changing genders.
88
@Anonymous Conservative
I hear what you are saying, Anonymous, but help me understand: how are you being ‘forced’ to believe anything? All I’ve heard from conservatives, so far, are unlikely hypothetical scenarios of persecution and cultural threat.
I remember all the sky-is-falling hoopla around the introduction of ‘Ms’. This reminds me of that. Did the sky fall?
Whether you feel transition is legitimate or not is irrelevant: it won’t change the reality that transgender people exist. Transgender people understand themselves better than you understand them. They know some people don’t like them. So let that go.
Instead, consider whether your need to feel ‘right’ about transgender people is more important than practicing simple courtesies that help us all live together in peace.
49
@Anonymous Conservative
Replace "Trans Person" with "Religion" and now perhaps Conservatives can empathize with how a majority of the country feels...
The issue is when I as an individual am expected to acknowledge a RELIGION as legitimate. I do not believe that RELIGION IS LEGITIMATE (there are MULTIPLE RELIGIONS AND VARIANTS OF THE SAME) I will treat someone with decency in a conversation, but should not feel forced to BELIEVE IN OR FOLLOW SCRIPTURE.
7
@Madeleine, I agree that too much is made of impositions made on society by transgender individuals and movements, but it is still true that insisting that we be treated in one way when it is not how the other perceives us is a complex topic. The other issue is that insisting that a new moral framework is adopted by others can be an imposition, and could be classified at the very least as a micro-aggression(!).
I find that if we have a strong basis for our morality, like the Bible, instead of the vague fake Christianity that is prevalent in the US then we are not so bothered by such topics in society around us and are more focused on our own shortcomings and those of the church. Jesus and Paul both warned about moral corruption, but the warning was to be applied to us ourselves.
1
This column typifies the monumental self-absorption of our times. All we’re able to do now is go on and on and on about ourselves. Our country is in a perilous period, and there is little hope of being remotely able to address the issues we face if all we talk about is me, me, me. It’s as if we’ve become a nation of selfies. It’s time to look outward.
154
@Mark Siegel My main problem with identity politics (both right and left) is the idea that somehow focusing on these kinds of issues will solve the momentous problems we face. But these problems are not inherently personal, not about the "self." They are collective.
Because I see the identitarian issues as polarizing and the wrong focus, I'd love to see columnists like this one focus on larger issues, like climate change or the environment. I'm not singling out the trans issue here. I'm a "member" of at least 8 "discriminated-against groups," probably many more. Looking back, I can count many serious difficulties associated with these.
But guess what? I overlook the very real difficulties with these "identities" because I don't identify as those. I may cope with my difficulties. I may be frustrated at those who cause them. I may appreciate groups I am part of. I may be glad to see legislation that prevents discrimination. I may try to be empathic to others and hope they will do the same. But I question the idea of "identifying-as."
I understand that there is no perfect world to be had. But if we can at a minimum, begin to come together to solve the momentous problems that very likely will end the human race (along with other species), I'll be satisfied.
30
It becomes an issue when it infringes on someone else’s rights, i.e. requiring women and girls to change in an open locker room with a transgender woman even if they feel it violates privacy, or demanding that someone be fired for refusing to use a preferred pronoun or transgender girls competing on a girls athletic team when they have a clear, unfair physical advantage. Yes, they can take something away from others.
36
@Mark Siegel
I'm sure you're easily able to find the News, Finance and Science section for all the "hard" news you want. This is just one column.
4
Most people couldn’t care less. The problem, as usual, is activists on the Left taking things too far. If one needs to see a doctor for hormones and/or surgery, then that person has a condition, or affliction. That person should be respected and free from discrimination of any kind. They should be free to live a happy life with whomever they want, in whatever appearance makes them most comfortable.
But that’s not good enough. Instead, we get the insistence that gender is a “social construct”, and that one can simply identify themselves as either gender, or better yet, just invent a new one, or none at all. It’s considered offensive for a teacher to address her class as “boys and girls” or for someone to fail to use “they” as a singular pronoun. It’s not harder for trans people than it was 20 years ago. Their proponents are making it harder.
307
@Max I agree. Trans people: be who you want to be. You have my blessings and my respect. But don't reinvent everything to fit your views on things. The rest of us by and large don't want to be called cisgender and are getting more than a little fed up to be getting communications from our children's elementary school stating that this or that sports team or bathroom or locker room is for "students who identify as male" (or female) instead of "this is for the boys/this is for the girls."
I'm part of several minority/overlooked/discriminated groups myself, so I know first-hand what it's like to not be a straight white Christian able-bodied male. But I also know not to go too far with the identity politics and language policing. It only alienates the majority.
264
@Max I am not sure what "social construct' means. I believe in science and reason and agree that leftists have gone too far with the -isms/identity politics. I am only interested in one -ism and that is speciesism. I never see any op-eds/articles on that one. I am currently reading a book on identity politics so I'll wait and see what the author says about trans people.
20
@Max
You can easily flip the argument and say activists on the right take things too far and want to kick transgender people out of the military, prevent medical care that they request, and craft draconian bathroom laws. They too are not making it easy for transgender people to enjoy the freedom to be who they are.
Gender has both biological and societal origins. Society is figuring out how to speak of gender now that society has chosen to be inclusive.
64
"Because now that we’re on the radar, conservatives (and others) have developed a new language with which to demonize us."
We conservatives have no issues with you and wish you the best.
However, we conservatives have s huge issue with declaring 8-year-old's transgender, giving them puberty blockers and hormones, performing mastectomies on young teenage girls, performing the "bottom" surgeries at 18, and making them dependent on pharmaceuticals for the rest of their lives.
200
@Erik
Then you have no real issues.
No reputable therapist forces a child into a gender category or provides irreversible care at that age. That's a red herring argument.
No one does surgeries on "young teenage girls" which would mean under 18, before the age of consent. You say nothing of boys, so presumably this is to save the sanctity of females or to continue conservative zeal to remove female agency.
If you believe in no drugs for life, you believe in no cholesterol, diabetes, or blood pressure medicine either, which are lifetime. And of course you don't mean that, so you're really saying trans people get no medicine.
I'm fine with your opposition. But you must be honest about it, stick with the facts, and accept the non-logic in it.
33
@Erik If you have issues with us receiving lifesaving evidence-based medical care, you have issues with us. Full stop.
18
@Erik
Thank you for wishing us the best, but it is hard to take you on your word. I don’t think it is appropriate to politicize what is essentially a medical issue.
Conservatives can be less angry if they take the time to actually learn about the issues, rather than listening to right-wing / religious-right talking points, which are rife with disinformation.
What is missing Erik is context: what impact does untreated gender dysphoria have on long-term health outcomes? Have you asked yourself that? Understanding the diagnosis and the underlying medical research will help you see that the concerns you have regarding gender-variant children have been addressed and that medical care for these children is evidence-based and compliant with medical ethics. As a conservative, do you value access to competent medical care for everybody, our just the ‘right’ people?
Demonization of trans people succeeds in part because this is a complex phenomenon to grasp, but also because people project onto trans people their cultural / religious grievances. That’s not helping anybody.
25
I appreciate this essay - but as a former high school and college track and field athlete I do have an issue with transgender athletes competing at the high school level in particular and I do think it harms women's athletics. And the author makes my point for me with this often thrown around statement:
" A year of hormone replacement dramatically affects performance; most trans women lose the events they compete in."
First there are many well publicized cases that show this is just not true. Second when I hear this I want to say - well gosh imagine if you were born a woman with natural estrogen imagine how much worse your performance could be. Third, even if this is true, from what I can tell there is no universally understood definition of transgender. Does it mean taking hormones? And if so, for how long? What hormone level is low enough to compete against girls? Why do girls even need to be worried about this? I think its just not fair (to either side) at the high school level. Now in college they routinely take drug and steroid tests and this could be managed without impacting any of the other athletes. But it is problematic at the high school level and I'm not sure why dominating women's sports is even an important part of transgender activism. I'm sure I will be called names for this comment.
118
@VJO The so-called "progressive" Left has abandoned girls and vulnerable women. It's biological ignorance and denial (or misogyny) to allow post-pubertal transgirls and transwomen to compete in girls and women's sports. Beyond that, have you read about the horrors male-bodied transwomen are inflicting on female prisoners in women's prisons, and in rape and domestic violence shelters? No one cares.
32
Dear Jennifer, I always read your columns. They are important to me. Reading this one, I again thought of the phrase that I have tried to live by in my elder years: "To understand everything is to forgive everything." That even includes Donald Trump, I know. It can be awfully hard to forgive others who won't forgive you. I struggle with this, sometimes daily. In the end, the value of it is not in changing others' minds, but changing our own. The others will come along in time, I hope. That is why the Prodigal Son was celebrated more than the son who did everything right. It is hard to change one's mind, and doing so deserves the fatted calf.
9
@jayjay but trump’s hate is only pandering since at one point he said he doesn’t care who uses which bathroom at trump tower. So I’m not sure there is much reason to forgive this level of evil. Ignorance is one thing, his hypocrisy is another thing - especially given his bully (accurate name in this case) pulpit.
2 additions to a thoughtful piece.
1. Trans hating is also done to rally the political base by creating a straw man, or The Other; and to promote religion.
2. The etiology of transgender identity is well known at this point. It is biological in basis, which been proven in peer-reviewed study after study and that is not in question. The question not yet known is the specific mechanic of how it occurs, not that it is a biological phenomenon.
9
I first knew of the existence of trans individuals when I read a copy of, I believe, Coronet Magazine, or another of the small, popular pulp publications, when I was a very young child. I know I was less than 7 years old, and the person I learned about was Christine Jorgensen. I remember being very “weirded” out. I found it so hard to believe that the story was real - it was viscerally disturbing to my young mind. I was scared!
I am so grateful that, because of being raised by a mother who was a curious open-minded person, who somehow did not have a homophobic bone in her, discovered then that she was happily lacking in transphobia, too. Because of her, I grew up to be a cisgender woman with many trans friends, as well as more GLBQ, etc, friends than I can count. Jenny, I love believing you are one of them. And your writing is exquisite!
10
I see many comments here that transgender women never lose the advantages of having had testosterone in sports. It is true that a 6'4" male who transitions to female will always be 6'4". Also it is somewhat easier to retain muscle mass after testosterone withdrawal than to build up muscle mass in the absence of testosterone. After a year that advantage is negligible.
What people need to remember is that we are talking about sports. No two people have the same advantages and disadvantages. No one can reach the highest level of achievement without tremendous work. Few people have the talent and drive to reach the highest levels whatever their hormonal status, but we all should have the opportunity to play on some level.
A major concept of sportsmanship is fairness. What is fair to the transgender person who chooses to compete in sports? A male deprived of testosterone loses muscle mass and finds it extraordinarily difficult to compete with men of similar talent. The NCAA has ruled that a transgender woman may compete on a men's team at any point. She may only compete on a woman's team after completing one full year of testosterone suppression. At that point, she has no hormonal strength advantage. No two people have the same talent, strength, and aptitude. It is most fair to everyone to allow the transgender woman to compete as a female at that point.
9
@Dana
This is such a dishonest straw man. Men and women have FUNDAMENTALLY different bodies.
If it is all just a matter of "Everyone is different anyway" then why even have women's sports at all?
I am a woman, I am a mother of three daughters, and I will FIGHT for a world in which our genuine, biological femaleness is recognized and matters, and is not erased by "gender identity."
52
@Dana You answered your own question. A male person who chooses to transition is free to play on the male team. You say we should all have the opportunity to play on some level and that should include women and girls. Girls will stop going out for sports if they can't compete fairly.
32
@Dana: "What is fair to the transgender person who chooses to compete in sports?"
I don't know, but it's not women's and girls' burden to shoulder.
33
Americans are some of the most binary minded people on earth. I think all this negativity comes down to fear, fear of their own impulses, doubts about their own "gender identity," desire to protect patriarchal power structures, etc. There's a confusing combination of biology and culture that many people find hard to handle. The hate is against anyone too different from the "norm." If we can't tell a "real' woman from a "real" man, who are we ourselves?
8
@Rebecca: quite the contrary, as evidenced by the fact that we are having this discussion - the US is the least binary (with the exception of Europe, of course).
2
Estrogen is not a magical muscle wasting, organ shrinking, red-blood cell depleting hormone. If it were, I would hope hormonal birth control would be a more controlled substance.
biological women and girls deserve to compete fairly. Is it fair that Cece Telfer was a middling athlete on the male team but within a year was smashing records and winning D2 championships on the women's team? And "tearfully defending the sanctity of the powder room" is an almost unbearably condescending and dismissive remark. It's not about "powder rooms". It's about vulnerable women in prisons, it's about women being removed from shelters because they are uncomfortable having a male roommate, or lawsuits against women who won't perform brazilian waxes on biological males (see: Jessica Yaniv). How about unregulated, experimental uses of medications like lupron on otherwise physically healthy children?
I certainly do not object to Ms. Boylan's existence, as she puts it. But these discussions that need to be had. The goals of transgender activists do not impact men and women equally and I believe that deserves to be addressed honestly.
138
Ms. Boylan came out in the most sheltered of ways. She attended way liberal, way elite schools from day one. And she hasn't strayed from the nest. After graduating the Haverford School and Wesleyan, she has landed at the all-women's refuge of Barnard, which is over-the-top tolerant of the LGBTQ community.
Ms. Boylan also is protected by he wealth and her celebrity status. She isaid to be worth $90 million in part because she is a reality TV personality who has frequented Oprah, the Today Show, etc., etc.
Particularly troubling for me is her outspoken defense of Caitlyn Jenner, along with her politics -- Ms. Jenner, in her previous life, spewed racist hatred, using her (his) status as a decathlete to spread KKK-type views.
I come at this from my own minority status, as a high-functioning bipolar personality. For me, the notion of coming out is pretty much meaningless. I share my mental health condition one person at a time. And none of my confidantes are employers, admission officers, or gossips.
I suspect that most (not all) of the LGBTQ community is like me. We come out with those we trust, everyone else has no need to know.
Ms. Boylan came out publicly in her forties, when she already lived in a fortress making guest public appearances and then retreating back to her safe haven. Good for her. But her life is beyond pretty much everyone else and she is hardly a role model for the man or woman on the street..
68
@michjas Thank you for that info. I didn’t know any of that. And, yes, it does make a difference.
9
Sad. I would like to believe that there is a god who would create transgender people to irritate Mike Pence, comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable. The mystery lives in ways beyond our merely conventional understanding.
5
I met my first transgender man in the early 70's while working in the urology clinic at the U of Chicago hospital. Because he was so stereotypically masculine, I couldn't imagine him as being the woman he once was, so it was natural to accept him for what he became.
Since then, I haven't personally met any other transgender people although I have lived in other large cities and presently live in a diverse university neighborhood.
Perhaps I am mistaken, but I 'm not sure that the percentage of transgender people in the population merits the amount of space alloted this topic by this newspaper while the regime-change wars drag on and the names of American soldiers who continue to die in these wars are ignored.
135
Be assured, you have met many, many transgender people. You just don't know it, because their external reality matches their internal reality, as it should. Gender identity is a basic human right, and the sooner we recognize that the sooner we can all repair the civil rights violations transgender people are subject to daily.
37
@Ed I had to read your reply twice to believe someone would write something like this in The NYTIMES. It is crucial to our democracy that this kind of discrimination be outlawed, regardless of the size of the transgender population! In keeping with ML King's birthday: "An injustice anywhere, is a threat to justice everywhere."
It is sad when anyone is treated inhumanely.
15
@Ed Mer
There is more to this story, but it is being told through a series of articles under different headings. It takes extra time to see the connections.
The big picture is this:
• An emergent yet medically-underserved population is undergoing a tumultuous process of cultural recognition.
• The nature of gender-variance / gender non-conformity requires examination of fundamental cultural assumptions about ‘men’ and ‘women’.
• Long-held cultural boundaries are up for renegotiation, and some people are angry and threatened by that.
Why should this be in the news? It should be in the news because a significantly-larger percentage of this population is found to exist, and its impact on culture and politics are being felt on a broader scale.
I don’t think it is reasonable to expect politics and culture to unfold in tidy, sequential, and discreet packets. Reality is chaotic and messy, and this is all a part of it.
5
I am astounded at the negativity of some of the comments I have just read. Just look at the suicide rate among kids who identify as trans, and it should be obvious that society has not yet made a place for them. Sure, it can be difficult for society to adjust to new norms, but Ms. Boylan has given us a great read, and just a little more insight into how important that adjustment is. Thank you!
46
@Gordon It's not fair to say that critics of the movement are the cause of enormously high suicide rate. The attempt rate is so high (22 to 40% is what I found, from Centre for Suicide Prevention) compared to the non-trans population (<1%) that it's unreasonable to place the blame solely on society. Like many situations, society may play a part, but not as large as you claim. I know that this is dicey territory, but I would not be surprised if both hormonal imbalance as well as some aspects of the gender dysphoria itself also contribute towards it. Suicide is very complex, and can't be contributed society alone.
24
@Gordon Those statistics have been debunked multiple times. They come from a flawed study consisting of very few participants. It is irresponsible for those numbers to continually be used to emotionally black mail people on this topic.
12
@Gordon The teen suicide rate is at a 20-year high. When you start carving that up among various demographics, many of the rates are horrifying. Why are there no newspaper editorials about Native American teen suicides or Black teens suicides?
14
While I respect your decision, a year of hormone therapy does not negate your physiologic advantage in sports.
173
I know I'm not alone in reading this and being further convinced at the wrongness of any sort of discrimination towards the transgender community. These lived experiences are powerful. We are being asked simply to accept people as they are. Let's do that. It's not an imposition on cis people, it's treating others as we'd want to be treated.
183
@Bert Clere As a medically transitioned trans woman I definitely agree with this. Certain hyper-political far-left parts of the trans movement with massive demands and unrealistic expectations are the biggest thing standing in the way of trans people being able to live normal lives.
28
@Enough Already
For starters: the "trans activists" are primarily responsible for my turning away from what I once thought were "obvious" civil-rights issues. They have pushed matters much, much too far, too fast.
That said, men CAN pretend to live like women. Indeed, I will refer to such people by the names they prefer, and the pronouns they prefer.
However, I will not, and cannot, in good conscience, surrender my hard-fought skepticism on the altar of social justice and *believe* that men *are* women.
In the past decade, I've spent a lot of time around archaeologists in the field. Much to my surprise, I learned that with a high degree of confidence, archaeologists - in the lab, they're anthropologists - can determine the sex, age and race of skeletal remains that are decades, even centuries, old.
So, no, I will not be forced into saying that transwomen *are* women. That is a violation of my own conscience. But I will, and do, accept that these are natal males who wish to live as females. Two different things. Very, very different things.
56
@Enough Already You are presenting this as a huge imposition on you, when all you are being asked to do is accept someone for who they are. There is nothing about someone living as the gender they identify as that will harm me. If they identify as "her" that's what I will call them. We were told repeatedly by opponents of same sex marriage that legalizing it would threaten and undermine traditional marriage. Yet opposite sex couples are still getting married.
11
Thank you, Jennifer for a great article. My understanding and comfort with gender non-conforming persons has changed greatly in those 20 years. Oh, I was always open minded regarding gender conformity and sexual orientation. As a child, my favorite Aunt was clearly gender non-conforming. We'd go camping with Becky, and her life partner Helen, and have a great time. To me, as a young boy, Becky, with her bright colored shirts, khaki vest, and denim jeans was more fun than all my other Aunts combined.
What really changed me was accompanying a dear cousin, Lori, through transition to Liam. We talked together many times and it was clear that Liam, as Lori, was totally uncomfortable in his own skin. The transition was definitely the right thing to do, and Liam's spouse, Diana, and children, Eve and Lev, were totally supportive. Liam was never so happy and full of life as Lori as he is as Liam. With his mustachio and deep baritone voice, he is a pint sized linebacker bubbling with love for life. He, and his family, are a great joy. I love them all dearly and consider myself very lucky to have them as part of my family.
31
There are a few commenters here - all displaying ignorance and hostility - who, when the time comes, will deny to their grandchildren that they ever held such negative views about trans people.
It's too bad that they do not see that they are are on the wrong side of history.
15
@Cousy
Nope. When the time comes, uncritical supporters of this movement will have to explain how they allowed a for-profit pharmaceutical industry and plastic surgeons to prey on children, castrating boys and performing double mastectomies on girls, by selling them a fantasy: that it is possible to 'change sex' and that it is the answer to all their problems.
96
@Laura The natal girls, in particular, face a litany of potential health problems: serious bone/skeletal issues beginning in their 20s; risk of heart attack/stroke at the same age; potential organ prolapse from elective hysterectomy; risk of early onset dementia.
27
@Cousy: No, those who blindly supported the trans lobby will be taken to task for erasing women.
8
The writer has achieved much personally, but she has a ways to go politically. There is a common misconception that minorities should be Democrast. After all, Democrats claim to champion minority rights. But affiliating politically based on minority status is pigeonholing.
I would guess that trans folks come from as many GOP families as Dems. Plenty of Dems surely look down on trans folks whatever they may say. Most Republicans are openly hostile. But, apart from the super-religious, their attitudes are not cast in stone.
If you show a Republican how to sell a million widgets to the trans community, you've made a friend for life. And
there is good reason for the trans community to pursue professions that lean GOP -- blue collar jobs, big business, law enforcement and military, among others.
Minorities truly arrive when their choices are not grounded in their minority status. Pigeonhole yourself and you will be taken for granted. Unless your vote is in play, you remain a second class citizen.
Dems may give you handouts while resisting your effort to move in next door. By contrast, non-religious Republicans may profess opposition while welcoming your home improvements that upgrade the neighborhood.
I am bipolar. Both Republicans and Dems are pretty much ok with that in many ways. But Dems want to deprive me of gun rights even though I am a federal prosecutor with an Ivy League education. I am mostly with Dems, but on gun rights I find them offensive,
8
@michjas It's not just you. I am a Democrat who thinks no one should have a gun.
1
For Republican politicians the number one reason trans is an issue is its convenience as a social values wedge. They use these so regularly and obviously you'd think those who vote for them would recognize the bait. Yesterday it was gays, tomorrow it will be some other illusory topic.
Like a good Catholic conservative my mother was adamantly opposed to gays, let alone gay marriage. When she finally encountered someone at work who openly identified as gay she was more accepting of gays in general; however, she still did want "them" to use the word marriage because of its sacredness as an institution (despite me reminder her she was divorced). A few years later she begrudgingly accepted gay marriages. One can only hope that wide acceptance of trans people (and other gender identities) will go the same way, though hopefully faster. I know that might not provide solace for Ms. Boylan; however, know there are people like me ready and willing to advocate for and support you until that day arrives.
22
@Julie I am transgender.
Many in my community accept me as another woman few ever think of me in any other way.
Some of my transgender friends are offended by my living a female role instead of advocacy for trans people.
I do help trans people as well as any other person in need.
9
@Julie
I will never vote Republican. Never.
And yet, I will also not surrender my hard fought skepticism and accept the browbeating of a few activists who insist that I think "correctly" about issue A or B.
I am a liberal. I will respect the wishes of all people to be called and referred to as they wish.
I will not, and cannot, in good conscience, accept the Newspeak insistence that men can *be* women, and vice versa. Stop trying to police how I think.
35
@Christa Williams
You’ve done much for the community, especially in regard to your investigative journalism.
I’m glad you are keeping a balanced perspective regarding the trans community, and not engaging in such unproductive community politics. Life is too short!
Best wishes!
I hope a lot of cis-gender people are reading your column. We need to better understand our transgendered sisters and brothers and how we can offer them respectful support—in large ways, such as voting for candidates who support equal rights for all people, but also in small, day-to-day, interpersonal ways. Thank you for being willing to put your story out there.
60
@Independent what if we don't identify as cis-gender - merely as men and women or simply "people who are not trans"? Is that ok? If you want the right to identify as you please, then it goes both ways. I don't want to be called cis-gender. Neither do many others.
152
@Independent I am a female who does not have a gender ID reading this, and I’m absolutely sickened that we are living in a society that supports sex self-ID. The author is a male, and that’s ok. The author can express themselves however they want, dress however, use whatever pronouns. It doesn’t change that they are part of the male sex class. As a member of the female sex class who is also a victim of sex trafficking and reproductive abuse, I’m disgusted at this male identifying as something that I can’t change about my body. Sex is not an identity. It’s a fact. It’s a reproductive role.
83
@AGJ I completely agree. While I respect the entire transgender issue and the people living with this concern, I frankly do not appreciate being marginalized and labeled by this term, which is a political lever to elevate one community against another. Please, please do not ever call me "cis-gender" when I am just a run-of-the mill female American. With this term, you are making an object of me.
49
Ms. Finney Bolan,
Thank you for sharing your writing and experiences.
Every person has inherent worth and dignity. Every person.
Happy Anniversary.
Peace.
22
Jennifer,
As the parent of a non-binary child and a proud Episcopalian (whose church goes out of its way to welcome and affirm and celebrate LGBTQ+ people), I wanted to say thank you for your column today. Thank you for speaking into the lives of all people and making us better because of it. Also, as a high school British Literature teacher, I know that many of my LGBTQ+ students needed to hear this today. I will be sharing it with them and our Equality Alliance.
Striving onward,
Blake
34
@Blake Connelly
I'm right there with you Blake.
This is all great and inspiring, so thank you. It's great to see people having more power to live their lives as they wish. However, I think your sports argument is a bit too simplistic and will be unconvincing to some people. Just because Ms. Wagner-Assali had beaten Ms. McKinnon in seven of their previous 12 races does not mean that Ms. McKinnon did not have an undue advantage. Perhaps they were made so even to each other *because* Ms. McKinnon was born male. I am not saying that is the case, and I don't have a strong opinion on this whole debate, but I think the argument as presented is too simplistic and that may turn out to be counter-productive.
41
Beautifully written essay. Thank you for sharing your inspiring and brave story.
14
Jennifer - think of all you have made possible for yourself and other people.
My trans son, a teenager, is a confident young man with many friends and a bright academic present and future. He is loved and accepted at home, church and school. he works every day to support trans kids who do not have the same level of safety and stability that he has.
To many of us cis people with trans folks in our lives, acceptance and social progress feels inevitable. But that is because you and others (shout out to Grace Sterling Stowell!) have paved the way.
Thank you and God bless you.
18
I read your book after seeing you on Oprah years ago and was so moved by it that I shared it with anyone willing to read it. It changed some people deeply and certainly gave everyone a better understanding of what it means to be transgender.
As a gay woman, I certainly understand the issues faced when you don't comply with everyone's definition of normal. Thanks for all you do to make us all better human beings.
17
So beautifully written. I am glad to have discovered you and look forward to reading more. Thank you, and thank you NYTimes.
13
Thank you Jennifer. If only all of us could be like you. You are truly a gift to us all. You are wonderful in every possible way.
11
Thank you for your courage and candor — and for providing us something uplifting and interesting to read in the midst of this country's self-obsessed impeachment. Carry on; keep us updated.
9
My 17-year-old son is trans (he has XX chromosomes). I adore him and am totally supportive of his plight and I'm fully in support of just about everything in this article.
With one exception.
The idea that biological males with just a bit of hormone treatment can be set to fairly compete against biological females is an absurd fiction and the Trans community needs to let go of it.
I'm not sure what the solution is but gaslighting the world and demanding that rational people parrot the narrative that once hormones are in the mix genes don't matter is definitely not it.
It actively hurts the Trans community to hold steadfast to this idea rather than searching for a solution in how Trans athletes can be allowed to compete in professional sports.
223
@ys
I have to agree. The assertion in the article that trans females sometimes lose to biologic females so therefore the playing field is leveled is not convincing. Trans females have the physiologic gender advantage of their male genome.
There should be an intersex category.
Trans people are welcome to live their lives but to say that trans women is the same as a biologic woman is just not true and give trans women an unfair advantage in sports.
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ys, you said what so many of us supporters of trans people think: trans women (genetically male but otherwise female in every other respect) belong everywhere except high level competitive sports. Personally, I am so grateful to the 6’2” trans woman (I will protect her here by not naming her) who takes care of my elderly, demented mom. She treats my mom with such respect and kindness. I never want anything but the best for this lovely woman. I would do anything for her, except encourage her to compete in professional sports with biological women. It seems a small price to pay for otherwise living out her dreams as the woman she embodies with heart and soul.
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@Bear Lass: If we swallow "transwomen are women" hook, line, and sinker, this isn't a workable solution. They want to compete as women, in part to be validated. They won't settle for a middle category.
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A beautifully written essay. I learn a lot from Ms. Boylan. The Republicans are awful, but I still believe those who would make laws thwarting you are a small, vocal minority. Not all (U.S.) Americans are "comfortable with" or "understand" trans people, but most are busy worrying about their own lives and wish you no ill. Conservatives believe in freedom, and most will defend peoples' right to live as they choose. That is the frame that speaks their language.
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I imagine that most Americans care more about whether or not you show up on time when it is your turn to drive car pool, pick up after your pets, take your trash bins off the street on Trash Day, and don't have loud parties that disturb the neighborhood. Let's start by focusing on what we can agree on.
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I was not surprised by the number of gay people that came out as society changed.
But I have been very surprised by the number of Trans people! The discrimination is so much stronger, I'm sure it's much harder to come out. You are part of the vanguard that is helping our society change.
Whenever people tell me they "just don't understand" why people are trans, I tell them I don't understand that either, but I understand oppression.
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First, you are an excellent Writer, period. Second, the old motto
“ Live and let Live “ are truly words to live BY. Third, thank you, and Happy New Year.
NOVEMBER.
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"most trans women lose the events they compete in"
By definition, most *people* lose the events they compete in.
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Your column reminded me powerfully of a line from Yeats: “Scoff thought ye may, world-besotted travelers—he served human liberty.”
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Trans women in sports may not be a big problem now but as more trans women compete expect them to dominate women's sports. You can't fully reverse a male body to female.
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Thank you for this brave and thoughtful piece.
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2 concerns: first, boys who go through puberty will always have an advantage over women in many sports. Women’s sports are threatened. Secondly, what many conservatives don’t like is when those on the left tell us we need to think a certain way about their rush forward to alter long held convictions about life. For example, many us believe biology trumps some inner feeling about gender, that one is an objective reality and the other akin to the thin, anorexic girl who looks in a mirror and thinks she is fat. We can disagree. But don’t tell us we are bigots because of that.
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@ehillesum
You are never a bigot for what you believe. You are only a bigot when you relate to others in a way that fails to recognize their equal humanity and right to believe and behave differently. Acting judgemental toward others simply because they are different demonstrates bigotry. That applies to persons on both sides of the issue.
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What an encouraging and inspirational testimony. I defended trans athletes when there was an uproar after McKinnon's victory. (I noted the small percentage of trans athletes and few controversies, concluding the uproar was more about the angry people's small-mindedness more than anything.) I view transgender people as the vanguard of our country's opening to the possibility of a sexuality and gender continuum. Currently less than 1 percent of America identifies as trans. But as we saw with LGBTQ acceptance, more people will probably come out the more it is socially acceptable. And as we can extrapolate from the Kinsey scale, gender associations likely exist on a spectrum. While some males may feel they have no feminine qualities and vice versa, symmetry is prominent in biological forms. And therefore each gender has members who identify with traits of other genders, even if we don't talk about it. The sexuality spectrum, backed by research, is finally showing up in people's identities as nonbinary and bisexual. Some day in the future, I predict the gender spectrum will too. As far as the hypocritical believers, I think sexual hangups are what drive people to some of the most restrictive forms of faith positions on sex and those versions of faith confirm their already preconceived ideas about sex. There have been studies that found a correlation between religious individuals and lack of sexual thoughts and experiences.
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@David
I'm a deeply observant Christian. So is my trans son. Our church has been a loving and safe place for my whole family for decades. My denomination (Episcopal), has been accepting for a long time. But so have UCC's, UU's etc.
Please don't paint with too broad a brush. Thanks.
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@David
Perhaps objections to trans women with the biologic and physiologic advantages of being born male competing with biologic women doesn't have to do with small mindedness but fairness and a level playing field. There are gender difference in development. There is a reason there is a separate female category in sports like there is age groups. Hormone therapy does not take away or negate these genetic advantages. Perhaps McKinnon, a trans person, doesn't have a "right" to compete against xx women as they (she) asserts. It is a choice.
There should be an intersex category.
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@David You appear to be OK with undermining women's sports in order to support trans rights. Women won't have an equal opportunity to compete if biological males turn women's sports co-ed. This is profoundly unfair and will reverse decades of work spent advancing women's sports.
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Thank you, again, for your clear, brave telling of your story. It helps more people than you will ever know.
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Beautiful!
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First. let me say that I admire anyone that stands up and demands to be seen, to be heard and most importantly, to demand their human rights from society as a whole.
That is where the Rubicon is crossed really, When anyone does stand up and demands to be counted. They are no longer in the shadows. They are proudly walking free within society and ask nothing more than to be treated equal as a human being. They want to work and live and even be in government. (this is where the real backlash occurs)
Aye, when the above happens, the threats and repercussions go up exponentially, but as with all curves of history in regards to acceptance, there will come a time, when it will no longer matter.
I wish that for anyone and all.
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Thank you for your succinct summary. All humans should have equal rights & respect. The fight continues.
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In kindergarten knew I was not only person like me in the world. Question was how often general population did we occur. Got older estimate around 1000 to 10000 per million population.
Those bash strongest have the deepest closet.
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Thank you, Jennifer.
Thank you, New York Times.
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You are one of the very bravest women I know. I look forward to everything you have to say to the world-- about who you are and who we are. Thank you for your voice.
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I applaud you! You make All of us proud!
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You write and speak so well and always on a positive note . Glad to have met you during your She’s Not There book tour early in 2004 (?) at the University of Vermont . A follower of yours on twitter . Our best years are ahead .
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The “hairy male” in the women’s bathroom depiction always amuses me. Because if the anti-transgender folks have their way, “hairy males” would be in the women’s bathroom, I.e., the female to male transgender folks who have beards, male pattern baldness etc. Because if you have to use the bathroom of the sex that’s on your birth certificate, that’s exactly what you’ll get!
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@Pragmatic
One of the ironies of the anti trans coalition is how they deal with transgender men. The Lesbians and feminists who get all bent out of joint about transgender women, ban them from 'women only events', will often allow transgender men to attend, even ones who are fully transitioned, are hairy/beards/bald and yes are raging with testosterone. Those who object to a transgender woman in a restroom as a man out to ogle or assault women, want to make it so a transgender man would be in the women's room, who thanks to their testosterone levels have a typical male sex drive, and is likely to be sexually attracted to women, yet that doesn't bother them, despite the fact that a transgender male is almost entirely male other than the way they started life (and for the record, I am not saying transgender men are rapists or a threat; just pointing out that they are allowing someone into a women's room who hormonally and emotionally shares most of their attributes with cis men, whereas transgender women don't).
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@Pragmatic I'm sorry. At the gym where I go to aerobics three times a week, the women's changing has at least six transgender men > women.
So I don't change my clothes at the gym anymore. It doesn't feel right. I don't want to see them and I don't want them to see me.
They should get their own facilities and stay out of the ladies room.
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@DickeyFuller OR. . . . . . gyms everywhere should have private dressing rooms. Problem solved.
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Eloquence on being trans.
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It's essays like this that make me look forward to opening the NY Times first thing in the morning (on my computer), and especially on every second Wednesday.
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And we certainly look forward to the dispatches you've sent out along that journey. Keep sending them.
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