Pictures! We want pictures! I cannot even imagine what "racist wearing apparel" could possibly be.
Now I'm worried that my occasional desire to wear a dashiki, a beret or a kaftan might indicate that I have racist tendencies!
If so, I shall post-haste seek out someone to provide me with some cultural sensitivity training!
Oh- I frequently wear sandals in the summer! Might this offend some race or other?
I await your kind reply.
26
And Quebec also doesn’t see limiting the rights and freedoms of women wearing veils and men wearing turbans as racism. Thanks for chiming in, it solidifies the argument against cultural appropriation when people who support human rights abuses defend it.
3
@Claude Balloune , I’m sure a teenager who thinks you’re “neoliberal” can take time from evaluating his or her teachers’ respectfulness and such to give you a lesson or two on how to dress between tweets longing for the “boomers” (anyone over 30) to pass on so the earth will become heaven. Sigh. I wish I could live long enough to see what their kids do to them. What a culture we’re hatching, or losing.
9
@Claude Balloune
Wearing a costume, pretending to be someone of another culture (especially if you have no contact with anyone from that culture) is not the same as incorporating casual clothing elements or wearing culturally specific clothes provided at an event. And frankly, if you're not sure if something will offend, ask! How hard is that? What do you have to lose?
3
L1: Once again, the issue of Israel’s relationship to the Palestinians is inserted where it doesn’t belong. Do you have long conversations with your family about China/Tibet, Russia/Ukraine, Greece/Cyprus? If not, your double standard means you’re displaying antisemitic behavior.
25
@Mimi W. I think you are reading too much into the letter especially when the issue the issue of Israel’s relationship to the Palestinians is so present in the news ,but where I live nobody would think such a discussion was "anti-semetic". Many Jewish people in the area we live share the same concerns ! She/he may well have long conversations about" China/Tibet, Russia/Ukraine, Greece/Cyprus etc" , but for the sake of brevity ,left this information out as the purpose was merely to indicate the basic differences in her values and that of her family in a 'nut-shell". You are reacting in a personal way when the letter is about the authors feelings and her experiences. Clearly you disagree ,but she has the right to "insert" her stance in this letter.
5
@Mimi W. No. Not antisemitic necessarily. It might mean that we hold Israel to a higher standard than the Chinese and their brutality to the Tibetans or the Russian and their barbaric treatment of Ukraine. I don't know enough about Greece and Cyprus. Israel is very close to us and its oppression of the Palestinians is one we support with our money, our political power, and our military. But it is also close to us in that its a democracy and founded on human rights, not just Jewish rights. To be more upset with Israel than with China or Russia is to be more upset with a relative's wrong-doing than with a stranger who you never expected good of in the first place.
8
@Mimi W. I am of Jewish heritage and abhor the way Jewish people have been treated through history. That doesn't negate the fact that I completely support the Palestinian quest for nationhood, and an end to the continued Israel theft of their territory.
8
Again Dylan comes through. From his "My Back Pages."
Crimson flames tied through my ears, rollin' high and mighty traps
Pounced with fire on flaming roads using ideas as my maps
"We'll meet on edges, soon, " said I, proud 'neath heated brow
Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth, "rip down all hate, " I screamed
Lies that life is black and white spoke from my skull, I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers foundationed deep, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
Girls' faces formed the forward path from phony jealousy
To memorizing politics of ancient history
Flung down by corpse evangelists, unthought of, though somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then. I'm younger than that now
A self-ordained professor's tongue too serious to fool
Spouted out that liberty is just equality in school
"Equality, " I spoke the word as if a wedding vow
Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
In a soldier's stance, I aimed my hand at the mongrel dogs who teach
Fearing not that I'd become my enemy in the instant that I preach
My existence led by confusion boats, mutiny from stern to bow
Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
Yes, my guard stood hard when abstract threats too noble to neglect
Deceived me into thinking I had something to protect
Good and bad, I define these terms quite clear, no doubt, somehow
Ah, but I was so much older then I'm younger than that now
20
Regarding the photographs, I can't help but think of the Vivian Maier collection. Few of our 'snapshots' rise to art, but I guess there's always the chance.
30
This cultural appropriation business is a trick of the rich to distract "liberals" from economic issues.
19
Regarding dressing up in costumes as an adult, I think my father's cynicism was the right response:
My father had a red goatee. He and my mother were invited to a costume party.What she wore has been lost to time, though my guess is Jo from Little Women. My father? He put a bandaid on his ear and went as Van Gogh.
As a result, I stopped wearing costumes when I was 11 years old.
11
Nicky Minaj born Onika Tanya Maraj is of Asian descent, so are about 50% or more of Trinidadians. Cultural appropriation is not excused because a certain set of people of color think it is ok. The question at hand was not a question of whether it was cultural appropriation or if cultural appropriation is wrong. I think the ethicist is being unethical by doubting this person’s judgement and also coopting her question to vent their take on cultural appropriation- a matter mostly second generation immigrants and African Americans find offensive because we are the people that experienced the teasing, racism and hatefulness of the dominant White culture that mocked our hair, skin color, clothing, food, etc. When you know the dominant culture in North America excludes you based on race and culture, when you know you have dealt with childhood trauma because of your race and your race alone, the appropriation of clothing and hairstyles is very clearly at best a weak attempt to honor with political blinders on but mostly for your own pleasure and usually to profit off of a culture better sold to White people by White people and at worst a disgusting mockery of otherness. If I were this woman, I wouldn’t bother wasting my energy with my aunt- the mainstream liberal is not ready to accept this behavior as racism.
20
Thank you! We cannot conveniently leave out power dynamics and current events (children in public schools being denied the right to walk during their graduation ceremony because of their natural hairstyles) when making ethical choices. I do hope that white people with a deeper understanding of culture and power will take it upon themselves to educate their families. This Chcanx will not likely get the chance to have that conversation on the next May 5th....
9
@Ana
Terrible the treatment of the graduating student whose hair the racists who run the school dislike.
2
For letter one, I am an old person, so I laughed when I read the reply. Old people don’t like being told things by young people. Old people want to believe that know everything, as well they find it hard to change.
Remember this though when you are old. Because when you are an old person that listens to young people; they will listen back. But if you refused to listen to young people, they will start to avoid you. I hear it can get lonely.
61
My godmother from India gave me a sari. Is it all right for this Caucasian American woman to wear it anywhere or at all? I wear moccassins which are the same ones Native Americans have worn for hundreds of years. I don't know where to draw the line, and to be comfortable and dress in a non-traditional way (I like to be an old hippie chick). So much of what we do these days offends someone so it's very hard to know what to wear and what not to wear.
3
@Jones Wear what you want. It's a free country.
5
In junior high, we had a dress-up day for people to come dressed as a character they admired. I chose “Kim” from Kipling’s novel.i was impressed with his courage, resourcefulness, and his strong loyalty to his friends and mentors. So I put on a turban and got some self-tanner to look more “Indian.” The recent mess with Trudeau’s dress-up using blackface reminded me of my own actions. While I meant well, I didn’t consider, at age 14, that I might be insulting anyone. I still enjoy the novel, BTW, even though some consider Kipling to be an imperialist and racist. I thought his depictions of the many ethnicities of India were thoughtful and as caring as Twain’s depictions of Jim and Huck in Huckleberry Finn.
6
“If I take a practice that is freighted with significance for some group and mock it or trivialize it, that’s contempt. (That’s why it’s usually not a good idea to wear, say, clerical garb because you like the look.)”
That is opening a can of worms!
Why, then, is it okay for the Sisters of a Perpetual Indulgence to make fun of nuns? Is it that they are as left leaning, politically, as it is possible to be without doing a cartwheel?
Yes.
Anyway...I agree with The Ethicist, in part. I think that racially or ethnically imitative dressing and mimicry are offensive when done with intentional disrespect or contempt. And it is true that none of us owns our heritage. I’m Irish, and I don’t appreciate all of the goofy Irish tropes that emerge around St. Patrick’s Day. But I think most people dressing up in green and acting dumb and putting on an Irish accent are just having fun and don’t know that they are doing to offend.
Always consider intent. And intellect.
Which brings up the subject of (not very intelligent) men dressing up like (generally well endowed) women and doing the whole “dumb blonde” thing. I find that deeply offensive because they are diminishing women in general, and women are my tribe. Thoughts?
2
LW #1 - have you ever thought that YOU might be the problem? Your tactics seem childish, not well intentioned, meant to boost yourself and not teach anyone else, shaming and sloppy. Being the person who finds the need to needle and poke at everything someone else says (even someone who still can be considered liberal) is probably one of the least attractive personality traits I can think of. I'd recommend listening and asking, not telling. I certainly would not be receptive to someone much younger, with less life experience and with a presumptuous attitude pointing out every way I might offend someone else. It sounds like they've learned to ignore you for this reason. Change your tactics.
5
Re cultural appropriation, thank you for a reasonable answer. The entire cultural appropriation hysteria is in the process of swinging back on itself to hurt the very people it's supposed to help. I've spent a lot of time in Africa and own a collection of textiles, crafts, jewelry etc, from markets there, which I used to wear and display as if that were normal, but now they are hidden away in storage because I'm white and this is a new era of hostility we live in. So I also no longer purchase collectible items from any culture except my own, which is European, otherwise I just subject myself to attacks, so no thanks. It's a sad situation of cultures walling themselves off of each other that the extreme left has created, ironically. They say they hate walls, but they actually adore them and are obsessed with building ideological ones. Well I guess that actually is part of the history of the extreme left to construct totalizing, isolated cultures, like the USSR, North Korea, Cuba, take your pick.
8
LW #1 Point out your opinion all you want. There is nothing unethical about that. But why should they do something because you want them to? Nothing unethical in that either. They have the same agency as you do. If there is something offensive in the clothing they are wearing in the opinion of a member of the offended class, he/she will let them know; your help in this is frankly paternalistic.
3
I call this extreme irrational guilt.
1
For the woman with her husband's photo album: My guess is that you are going through a lot of mementos and this photo album is one of many in your home/storage--and it is not only painful but grueling (and sometimes pleasant) to be reminded of the past and people. But you are not required to save, keep, sell, or give anything. It's really up to you and what feels best. Any of the options are ethically acceptable and responsible. Given that your kids don't want the album and it is painful to you, do what is best for you. Throw it out if that's what you need to do. If you have the energy to contact a brother and are comfortable with that, see if they want it, then do so. Better, just put it in the mail to the brother with a note and be done with it. No back and forth about decisions, just get it out of your hands.
If you think about giving it to a local historical society or archives, then the album should include the names of the people. If those are not there, the archives really won't want them so don't waste your time.
Do what is best for you and do not feel worried or guilty about the photo album.
I speak as someone who cares about history and whose family finds it hard to give up family objects, letters, mementos. In other cases I would suggest donating family papers, diaries etc to an archive, but painful items that are not unusual don't demand a duty of you. Things themselves are not sacred and do not have to be saved forever.
6
Remember Megyn Kelly was fired for saying something that was common a few years ago. It is hard to be a woke, mindful snowflake who isn’t gaslighting cultural approbations. (Whatever any of that means)
4
Neoliberal is not a real thing.
2
@Tony B , it often refers to people in government who wanted (and still want) to have our nation actively intervening abroad to spread “capitalism” and acquire wealth and power (a pro-business cabal who throve under Bush Jr). It is not at all the same as liberal or democratic or woke or unwoke. But people of scant knowledge seem to throw it around as an insult heedless of its meaning, an indication of the lack of care with which they think and speak.
5
@jb People you are referring about (W., etc.) are usually called Neo-conservative - not Neo-liberal.
3
@Greg M. , Europeans use neoliberal for the pro-expansion capitalism (ref. to liberal as an economic term where we think of conservative).
3
Keep a few pictures and burn the rest and spread the ashes in a place he loved . I feel your pain because I have been there .
5
What if the white neoliberal women sent the photo as an in your face provocation to a holier than thou member of a younger critical generation? So many of these letters turn the people discussed into caricatures, letter writers especially.
I do think that the discussion of microaggressions across generations can be beneficial to all, but let's keep trusting other people for what they choose to do and think.
2
Years ago, a British novel described someone’s “typical American habit” of giving orders in the form of a request.
In my working experience, a boss prefacing an order with “Would you,” or “Could you” on a work related matter does not make the order a request.
If the boss’s job routinely entails vendors giving “freebies” on request, there’s no apparent ethical dilemma for an assistant being required to request the “free” item(s). In this situation, the “freebies” are a vendor’s promotional expense.
4
I am sad that society at the moment struggles with the vital differences between 'cultural appreciation' & 'cultural appropriation' at a point in our history when we need to unite& share on a more global level. I am white(Irish decent) however in the 6 months I was in India, I was given gifts of traditional Indian clothing which I loved and wore ;my doing so was considered respectful & much appreciated. On my return home everyone considered I had been "racist" ! Trying to wear the clothes in Australia earned the disapproval of other white people ,but not Indian people who were thrilled. However the criticism was so acute I gave up. My art often features a significant number of elements from both Japan & China; places my father worked for most of my life & which enchanted me. I reflected my dreams & thoughts & experiences of these countries in my work & once again the only criticism has come from white people ! Recently on the internet I was astounded to see the furore surrounding a Japanese fashion designers uses of braided wigs; the ire came from both black & white people who felt "braids" belong to black people when braids & cornrows have been used in numerous cultures around the earth for 1,000's of yrs ; most famously represented on the 30,000 yrs old statue "Venus of Willendorf ",discovered in Austria. This feeling of entitlement & ownership of "ideas" to the point of rage ,is particularly tragic when often there is not just genuine appreciation ,but love & respect.
28
@Cassandra Kavanagh Kudos! I've always thought that America, at its best, is the poster child for the benefits of cultural appropriation. American culture is a mix of ideas, food, clothing, work and leisure synthesized from immigrants, whether they arrived here recently, a century ago, two centuries ago, or even 120 centuries ago.
12
My past, my families past, in Kodak black and white or color will not be available in a thrift store. Not destined for posts on social media to mock and make stories up about, and snarky aliases for people who had names, real people. I’ve seen this done. I will be destroying them along with the funny old photo albums of the generation before me, that I still treasure.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
5
LW2: The requests could "cross the line" because the boss never reciprocates with gifts to the employee, because the employee believes that continued good relations with the boss requires supplying tickets over which the employee has little control or influenuce, or because the boss acts entitled to gifts that were given to the employee. The employee should start telling the boss that tickets weren't available; that the employee is using tickets to the same show is not relevant.
5
I think the issue of cultural appropriation has gone way beyond sensitivity and historical information. It seems to have turned into an ownership thing and a way of controlling what people can or cannot wear, do or think. It is another manifestation of political correctness, which I think has gone way beyond what it should. And just in case anyone wants to pounce on these views: I am a Democrat, a liberal, and a person who believes in freedom. Having been born in Russia and having lived with looking over my shoulder, I think we do NOT want that in the U.S.
40
@Irene
Wrong. It is about sensitivity. ASK before you impersonate another culture. Costumes are different from casual clothing. Someone offering you appropriate garb at an event is not the same as you showing up at a party pretending to be someone from that culture. How hard is it to just ask?
4
@Amy
Ask who?
12
@amy Who do I ask for permission before I, a Jew from NY, bring an Indian saag dish to a pot luck party?
I mean, obviously not Hari Kondabolu. But really, concern about cultural appropriation has gotten way out of control.
18
Letter Writer #1 states that she has struggled her whole life to confront her relatives on the way they have treated her. It seems that this is her basic problem and should find a way to solve this. The idea of accusing them of cultural appropriation seems like a way she has chosen to prove these relatives wrong, again. The fact that these relatives read this column is another interesting twist. Does she expect the ethicist to scold these people for her? I hope she reads the column and the many comments advising her to mind her own business.
24
What a brilliant and erudite response to Q1 by The Ethicist, thank you!
If she is dressing like Beyoncé what could be the harm? Wouldn't she be flattered? As most public figures would be, assuming the outfits aren't hurtful or derisive, but appreciative.
It's hard to imagine a racist outfit apart from Blackface.
13
@Qwendy dressing up in a sombrero and mustache is problematic as is dressing up as a Native American. Cultures are not costumes. That’s just something certain demographics tell themselves when they want to have fun and ‘dress up’ without actually tackling any of the obvious issues underlying that behavior or the
Feelings of people who identify with those cultures.
8
@Nancy The "feelings of people who identify with those cultures" is not one universal feeling. Every one of the people from a given culture will have their own thoughts, opinions and feelings about someone outside of their culture dressing in the costume. Some will be offended even if the costume was worn with deep respect and admiration for the costume and the culture of which it may represent. Most would be offended if it was worn specifically to denigrate the people of that culture, but even in that case there would be some from the culture who could care less what some white person does in the US.
However, it should be noted, that the act of dressing up in a costume is not necessarily problematic. It is something that all people do around the world, from just about every culture. It is not taking their culture to dress in a costume for a night of festivities. How can one costume be appropriating an entire culture with it's many complexities?
Obviously. if someone dresses in costume and acts like the racist stereotype, denigrates, belittles or speaks out against the culture as if it is inferior to her/his culture - that is racist behavior and should not be condoned. save your outrage for when it matters.
10
@Nancy What is problematic with dressing like anybody?
3
Agree that the photographs may have historical and aesthetic value. But the writer seems to link them to a time of pain and trauma. Perhaps an educational or arts institute would appreciate them.
2
tempest n a teapot?
3
" ...she is dressed in a “costume” portraying a person of color. I’m reluctant to divulge the person’s name, as I think my mother and aunt both read this column."
I understand the letter-writer to mean that her aunt was portraying a specific person. If so, that's different from just wearing clothing from another culture. I greatly admire Michelle Obama (don't we all?), but if I dressed up as her, I think people who don't know me (and some who do) would see that as clueless at best, and probably disrespectful and mocking.
6
@Linda , I think Obama’s dress and style are not “black” clothes, but simply fine, elegant clothes. And where disrespect would come from in dressing that way is hard to see. From her own warmth and inclusive nature, I believe she’d disagree with you in this absolutely.
7
@Linda To what different culture does Michelle Obama belong? Do you mean American culture is not her culture?
1
@Linda Ok, so no Michael Kors for you.
2
In example #1 the questioner clearly notes their mother and aunt are pretty set in their ways and have continued as they were, so that suggests they are not about to change. The question of their insensitivity and should it still be pointed out, makes me say yes. One can do so in an informative way that isn;t a tit for tat mean manner.
Will they change? Probably not, but the seed of enlightenment will be planted and for me that is all that counts. And it's when we stay quiet we may give the appearance that we have succumbed and agree in some way. If we don't stand for something we can give the appearance of standing for anything.
Which brings up the question of does one have an obligation to interact with family members or even friends who behave poorly or hold racist, sexist, homophobic views? And when does one break the cycle and simply stay away?
3
@Beth Grant-DeRoos
If there is an opportunity to lessen the harm, pain, and offense in the world then it's worth it to broach the topic.
@amy , the offense your own accusations and interference, and assumptions that you are right to judge also bring offense and pain, if that really concerns you, and to real people on a personal level.
3
Example #3 If possible scan the photos in the album to a disc or flash drive and stick it somewhere in case down the road kids, relatives would like the old photos. Then toss the photo album.
4
@Beth Grant-DeRoos
Good idea, same as I have done. It might be the grandchildren or great grandchildren who would want to see these photos. I always remember my mother and brother discarding photos of years ago and now my brother wants mine which of course I give him but I miss the ones he threw away of an our neighborhood that was gentrified and the friends we grew up with and of course of photos of my grandparents. Seems people get nostalgic when they get older. It is a lot of work if you do it yourself. She might want to find a service that does it for a reasonable cost.
5
Re free tickets: I had this person’s task for my boss(es) for over 20 years in the tv industry.
The question was never about requesting or accepting freebies. Our company, however, had very strict internal rules regarding the retail value of any one gift, and the aggregate value of all gifts received over one calendar year. Exceeding these values was cause for censure or termination.
Net/net - writer should confirm all gifts/tickets requested fall within company guidelines. If they do, there is no ethical or moral issue - it’s how the wheels of the entertainment industry are greased.
4
@LS Its also the way theatres are filled, the form for attendees to meet people that run the organisations, its pretty standard.
3
The photo album: One occasion a roommate moved. I found a DVD of his wedding in the Virgin Islands to one of his former spouses. Members of both families, the majority from Texas, were in attendance. I know he had had recent amicable contact with her. They had been divorced for eight years. I informed him I had it and if he wanted me to keep it for him. He had moved out town. He said, "No" Some months later I visited him. I gave him the DVD. He was very pleased I had ignored him.
Again, cleaning my digital photo albums, I had numerous photos of deceased friends of a friend of mine. Mostly under 40, death by illness, and car accidents. Her mother had died and a sister age 27 would die of cancer. I asked my friend if she wanted copies sent. She said "No". I ignored her. She is very grateful I did. She periodically posts some of the photos on social media in remembrance of them.
Let the relevant person make the decision to keep or discard.
10
Why is it that we can eat, and rapturously enjoy, the cuisine of other cultures, but we can’t appreciate or use the clothing of others? I wonder if the dis “cultural appropriation” is a cheap way of being sanctimonious while in fact doing absolutely nothing to address cultural biases.
46
@Withany
Appreciation and incorporation of clothing elements is not the same as putting on a costume and pretending to be someone from another culture. Enjoying and cooking food from elsewhere is not the same as pretending to be an authority on the subject without ever trying to elevate or consult the originators.
3
I suspect that what many would call cultural appropriation (when it comes to dress) is actually admiration. I’m white, but love, for example, African jewelry, Aleut sculptures, and Japanese kimonos. How can it be racist to support the artists and craftspeople who made these beautiful objects by purchasing them and by wearing or enjoying them?
While I admire LW 1’s desire to educate/change her relatives, I think the writer might also consider that her elders are also liberal in thrir thinking. That their thinking is not extreme enough for his/her tastes is really beside the point. Unless the outfit in question is demeaning or cruel, LW should mind his/her own business.
33
When I went to West Germany as a young man, one of the first things I bought was a Tyrolean hat with the traditional "brush" made of the beard of the chamois goat (gamsbart). A decade later I completed the outfit when I found quality lederhosen at the "Bavarian village" town of Leavenworth, Washington. (I had more discretionary income at that point!)
My Germans friends were mildly amused and I've worn the entire outfit ever since with a hunting horn tie and hiking boots for Halloween, dinners at German restaurants and at cultural functions. I remember being call a "Nazi" once in Seattle, but the fellow calling me out was a radical leftist.
I never thought about it as "cultural appropriation". I would never wear 'blackface' knowing how it hurts and enrages many in the black community. We must also not fall into the trap of thinking that one culture is more worthy of imitation or "appropriation" than another! Imitation must remain the sincerest form of flattery.
We all need to step back a little bit and take a deep breath here. People know when they are being mocked and insulted and they also know when they themselves are crossing a line.
Mature people don't go out of their way to insult others or their cultures, use hurtful words or act inappropriately.
26
Racist Costumes: It's not up to you to educate or confront your relatives. They are adults, and responsible for their own behaviour. You indicate in your letter that they belittle and insult you. You already know, therefore, that they do not respect or value your opinions.
You have no real idea if they've ever 'been challenged by someone of your generation before'. Even if true, it is hardly your responsibility to take this on. That's absurd, and a violation of healthy adult boundaries.
Reacting to racist selfies in a clear, unemotional way is as far as I'd go, and that's on a good day. (Gee, that seems racist, no?) Explaining things to people who are tone deaf, don't care, or are willingly stupid is a waste of energy.
10
I think it's cultural appropriation in a bad way either when you wear a costume that *exaggerates* a culture's style of dress or when you take something that has a deep and specific religious or cultural meaning and then put it on as a costume just for fun.
I don't even love it when atheists (of any ethnic or national background) dress up as nuns for instance. Crucifixes for instance are not just costume accessories. And I'd be beyond disgusted if someone dressed up as a Hassidic jew.
13
Just - don't be arrogant, dictatorial, or rude.
6
I am curious to know what ‘dressing as a person of color’ looks like in the US at the current time. I think we do not have dress codes as some countries have had in the past. Who is the racist in this exchange?
14
@Marcella Congdon I believe it would include blackface. Like certain politicians in their wild and crazy college days.
I love your response to LW3. We have become such a ‘throwaway’ society.
1
Short answer, yes.
Long answer, yes.
1
LW 1: Excellent answer from the ethicist. The sooner we can eliminate the term “cultural appropriation” from our lexicon, the better.
LW 2: Your boss is obviously using his position, not yours, to get the tickets. You sound resentful that he construes this as part of your job, but it doesn’t sound unethical.
16
Re: the letter writer whose relative dresses like a person of color: this is just a feeling I have, but something about the letter strikes me as odd, and perhaps even arrogant. Perhaps it seems odd because I'm having a hard time envisioning what the relative is wearing that's offensive. Is the person going out in public wearing blackface, which seems unlikely, or dressing like Michael Jackson or another icon of color, which also seems unlikely? Why is the letter writer continuing to try to change her mother and aunt? Most of us reach a point as adults where we either accept our family members as they are, and focus on their good points, or if we find them truly reprehensible, we stop being involved with them. The writer says her family regards her as "idealistic" and "childish." She seems to regard them as ignorant, silly people that she has to convert to her way of thinking. I'm not sure which attitude is worse.
24
I’ve written a Q & A column before and I resorted to posing as someone asking a question then writing the answer. This practice kept the column alive and the desired outcome judging by the comments. The company that sponsored the column “made up” the questions if I didn’t receive any and it was obvious they weren’t familiar with the subject matter. I have an ethical question for the author of this column. Perhaps that’s unwanted; if that’s not the case how do I send an actual true life question?
Kind regards,
Elaine
2
@Elaine Jackson Appiah's email is at the bottom. I wrote a letter to The Ethicist back when it was Randy Cohen and got a great response that was much appreciated. I'm not sure if it was published but that didn't matter to me, I was sincerely looking for his opinion on an ethics question and got it.
3
#1. Yes, Explain Everything to both of them, we are in a
different place and time in 2020
Do Not expect them to change.
Do an exercise with them by having them place themselves
in another persons shoes and how it would make them feel if
it was being done to them as innocent as they may feel it
is....
Doesn't hurt to try this, if you approach them with empathy
and compassion for their failure to comprehend the
implications of their actions as opposed to anger and
judgement they may switch on the light and accept your
wisdom...Best Wishes
#2. This is the least of your worries, ask you Boss why he
designated you to seek these industry tickets. It is common
practice in the entertainment industry to be invited to events
and not have to pay for tickets in fact its an acceptable
practice and considered part of the job. Why not just accept
this as part of your job, ask yourself why it bothers you so
much is it because your Not invited to attend as well? who
knows Why you feel this way ask yourself this question.
We get invited to movie premiers, TV and entertainment
events all the time and we go its part of our job. Ask yourself
Why or just be honest with your boss. Best Wishes
#3. Your husband's Life is of Value despite your not being in
the Photos. DO NOT throw it away, its his legacy, cherish and
Respect his Life....Best Wishes
1
I strongly disagree with the ethicist’s answer to the question about the old photo albums. Selling them on eBay—or putting them anywhere out into the larger world—violates the privacy of the photos’ subjects, who are no longer available to give their consent. I would argue that the practice of re-appropriating old photos, absent the explicit consent of those involved, is itself unethical. Here’s an example: my late mother made it clear to me that having old pictures of her and her family show up in an antique store or elsewhere would be her worst nightmare. She charged me with destroying any photos that I didn’t want to keep—and that has been my practice over the years, of her old photos and my own. I tear them up and mix them in with the garbage to make sure they cannot fall into someone else’s hands.
11
@Equilibrist There would be as many opinions on this subject as there are people. Your mothers wish to destroy old family photos seems to me to be an anomaly. Most peoples most grave fears are to have been forgotten.
Everyone is different.
13
@Equilibrist
Had a neighbor that was the executor of an old couple's will since the couple had no children.
I was quite horrified to find them selling the photos in a garage sale, not artsy photos but personal portraits fo the couple. Not what I think the old couple would have even remotely thought would happen to the photos.
.
7
When the writer says she's been struggling her entire life to confront these women about the way they treat her, that's a whole different topic than the one she's raised. Foolish behavior is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. She raises these provocative issues and then wonders why they don't show their love by being persuaded she is right. It sounds as if her mother and aunt are caught in the same spiral ... she leaves them no choice, in a way. She says she "has to defend" her views. What she has to do is respect her own views enough not to need the approval of her mother and aunt. There are other ways to relate to these women than discussing issues where she constantly makes herself a victim.
24
Donate the album or sell it. Great answer!
3
If the decision over the photo album is causing this much grief, just toss the darned thing and be done with it.
4
@KathyGail Someone may one day write a history of this family, or one of its members, and having the picswould be a plus.
7
@PrairieFlax
True. But we can’t keep everything just because someone might want it someday. When the time came for my family to divide all the photos, it was surprising how few people wanted any of them. No one wanted full albums. And we asked many distant relatives too.
7
Is the show Hamilton cultural appropriation? Serious question as I'm finding it hard to understand why is isn't OK to wear clothes or sing songs from other cultures.
18
LW1. Wearing blackface is generally considered racist these days, but "a costume portraying a person of color"? This one is really impossible to answer without actually seeing the selfie of the aunt in the costume.
People of color that I see don't dress differently than white people, so I can't determine race or skin color on the basis of what someone is wearing. Furthermore, based on LW1' s tone and predisposition to be offended and to find racism and "cultural appropriation" in her aunt and other elders, I think there's a pretty good chance the costume is inoffensive .
So I would say that LW1 can go either way. If the costume is such that a person of ordinary sensibility would be offended by it, LW1 will have done the right thing by telling her aunt. If, however, the costume is inoffensive and LW1 tells her aunt it's racist, no harm will be done because her aunt will understand that LW1 is an overly tender soul who sees racism everywhere, even where it doesn't exist, so her aunt's feelings won't be hurt. And if LW1 says nothing at all, even if the costume is racist, that's probably ok, too, because nothing LW1 can tell her aunt about race will make any difference. She's going to wear that costume.
5
LW1 says she doesn't feel comfortable discussing politics with a lot of his/her relatives. Here's an idea: stop discussing politics with your relatives. If you love them, then love them and accept that your values will clash in certain matters.
16
Good response to LW3! Never throw away old photos! If the survivors are not interested then at the very least donate the photo albums. I buy them at flea markets when I find them. They are getting harder and harder to find, especially the candid ones.
9
"I suggest that rather than talking about cultural appropriation, you focus on what it is about the picture that is disrespectful to the group in question." is good advice. In fact, it's the best advice I've seen in this column in quite a while.
10
As to the old photo album: When my husband, who was a professional jazz pianist, died, I had files full of press clippings, photos, etc. from his career. We have no children, and I am not close with his only brother in the least. What I did was to scan all those things into the computer. Some of the newspaper articles were more than 60 years old and pretty fragile. This was a way to preserve them. Then I copied all that material onto a flash drive and sent a copy to both him and his son and also let other members of the family know that they were available to them if they wished. That way we all got to enjoy the material and no one was left out to harbor hard feelings. The newsprint and other paper items went in recycling. The photos I've kept for my own enjoyment and some day will pass on to the nephew.
16
I am deeply involved in family genealogical research and a member of numerous forums reflecting various ethnicities of my family. Please, whatever you do, do NOT throw out those photos. They are priceless to someone. I have been staring for two weeks at photos a sibling recently announced she'd kept in her garage for 40 years, showing our grandparents, neither of whom I'd ever met. Give them to someone in the family who values history or family stories. I guarantee you they will be grateful, even if they quietly complain about how long it took you to hand them over.
24
Something not mentioned here is what divorced folks do with albums of wedding, honeymoon and marriage photos. I'm in this position right now and am truly conflicted. Ex-husband doesn't want them (neither do I really), no kids or close family to pass them on to. If I dump them it seems like erasing history, if I don't it seems like carrying baggage of the past into the future. Bonfire or baggage?
12
@kim murray
Ask yourself where is the worst place those photos could possibly end up if you don't destroy them yourself. If the answer is someplace you don't want them to be, say in a flea market, collectible shop, or on the internet, then burn them.
6
@John
You can read my other comment and I agree with you whole heartedly.
Thank you for such a thoughtful discussion of the generational divide over the costume in question. I'm on the old side of the gap and I sometimes feel that the younger critics are too knee-jerk in their responses to any mention or display of another culture. On the other hand, I think my daughter has opened my eyes to some things I have done and said that were insensitive. The important thing is to discuss things respectfully and really hear each other. We're all evolving.
37
My wife has many, many photo albums she has inherited. I know our children are not going to want them. My suggestion to her is to select two albums worth of the photos and give one to each of four children. Think of herself as a thoughtful curator.
Maybe the letter writer could do the same. Break down the collection into small albums of select photos and just send them out to the children. They can then decide to keep them or not.
7
If we could have seen a picture of what was being mentioned in the article would have been helpful. The problem with society now a days, if what was acceptable in these era's 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's, no society has banished and said these things were wrong. But in those era's they weren't wrong. If you feel that the outfit/costume was inappropriate, then voice your opinion, I don't feel an writing in an article asking what to do is the right way to go. You have a voice and if you feel something is wrong, the only way someone will know what hurts your heart, is to let them know. This person is your aunt, raise your voice and express how you feel to her. she will listen and the both of you can share each other's point of view in this situation.
2
I think that the problem with the 'cultural appropriation' comment is that the writer is simply using the incorrect term. If the aunt is dressed like a particular person who is not white then she is wearing an actual costume. And if by dressing like that person, she is indicating a negative view about that person, then it would be racist. However, if she was a great fan of Michelle Obama and dressed like her, it would not be.
On the other hand, if she is simply wearing a type of clothing that is common for a group of people are not white, the answer is absolutely spot on and it would be cultural appropriation, which is a complex and debatable issue. Just yesterday I looked at a favorite shirt of mine that has African designs and wondered if it was okay. It is not a simple question. As Prof. Appiah says, it's not possible to know how exactly to answer until you see the picture. Nevertheless, the thoughtful discussion of cultural appropriation gives significant insight to the complexities of this idea.
6
@Ali Litts I thought the term "cultural appropriation" was meant to indicate a situation where the dominant race took a style or trend of the minority group and used it to make a profit that wasn't shared with the original creators. Then, it somehow expanded to where you think it's somehow wrong to wear a shirt with African designs. But, would it be wrong if you knew the shirt's creator was in fact receiving some benefit in return? I don't think so. For one thing, NO culture is "pure" unless it has been isolated from all other groups for the entire life of that culture. Otherwise, people of different have always shared across cultures. That is called "appreciation" of others' creations.
12
@Rita Wrangle You definitely have a point. The definition of appropriation is taking something like clothing style without asking, and certainly if money is made without asking permission or sharing the funds, it would be considered bad form.
The first time I saw the term cultural appropriation was about 30 years ago in the Seattle Art Museum in a small exhibit that had shoes with African designs on them. The blurb said that this particular design was used only for royalty and had a very special meaning to the people. So even if we are showing appreciation, it might be disrespectful to the culture and peoples. I agree about the false concept of cultural purity and the natural migration of cultural ideas but I also think that it is very important for us to think about each instance and if it is appropriate in that situation.
1
RE: LW3 and the photo album. Loved the suggestion of another letter writer to send the photo album to one of the siblings with a note as it wasn't yours to toss or destroy.
I love old family photographs. Yes, it is nicer if you actually know the people. But at some point, they become more than just family history -- they become history.
When I was a teenager back in the 1970s, my grandmother took out a huge box of old tintype photographs she had inherited from her parents, aunts and uncles. I was FASCINATED. The photos went back as far as the 1880s (perhaps even further). Some were family that she recognized; others had been passed down to her. Her mantra then was "no one wants my old things". I snuck one picture home; I wish I had taken more.
We learned that later that when she reached her 80s, still living independently, she little by little took many inherited items, included these photos, out to the trash. Never asked if anyone wanted them, still insistent in her mind they were junk.
Eventually, what's old becomes history and can't be replaced.
I still think of the lost treasures, almost 40 years later. I wish I could have saved them.
I
29
KAA's response to LW1 is commendable, and points toward what LW1 should do: have a genuine conversation with her aunt, or at least try to.
LW1 takes for granted that a) she is right, she knows the truth, and her aunt doesn't, and b) the truth is that her aunt's "costume is racist". LW1 needs to recognise that she could be wrong about either or both of these things.
LW1 may be right that there is something problematic about the costume, but wrong about what it is. It might not actually be racist; but, in an environment in which quite a few people are very sensitive about 'cultural appropriation', the costume could still upset quite a few people. Alternatively, LW1 could be completely wrong: it may be that LW1 is seeing something that isn't there, simply because LW1 and her aunt have (apparently) long had a difficult relationship.
If X said to me, 'Look, I could be wrong about this, but I'm really worried that your costume could offend people', and explained why-- I wouldn't get angry about that. Even if I thought X was mistaken, I'd view it as X trying to help me; nobody wants to cause offence inadvertently. (A great Englishman, the late Jeremy Hardy, once said, 'A lot of what some people call political correctness seems to me to be good old-fashioned politeness.')
LW1 says she thinks her mother and her aunt read this column. One hopes all three of them read it, and some of the helpful comments, and have a respectful conversation.
21
For white people to dress up as Black people, Native Americans, Asians, etc. is just not acceptable in the 21st century, when the country is dealing with the results of discrimination. Please speak to your Aunt/Mother, but gently. Perhaps you know someone of the ethnicity she is mimicking and bring them along to explain why.
4
@Liz- CA , how nice. Perhaps a seminar? No—an intervention! I wish we had some idea what the “costume” was—maybe the police should come. Or how about minding our own business? Parents used to tell children what to wear, and that was problematic. But this is just absurd.
9
@Liz- CA This is NOT going to end well.
BTW, isn't it racist of you to flatly state that it's apparently only white people who do this? There is a young African-American man, a running back for the Green Bay Packers, who routinely wears ornate charro-style sombreros. He lived and went to school in El Paso, Texas, which shares its southern border with Juarez, Mexico, and just likes the way the hats look. Is he appropriating Mexican culture? And if he had the same background but was white, would you give the same answer?
We live in a world gone mad.
12
As the eldest in a large family I'm faced with a similar dilemma. Four generations of family pictures, some quite wonderful, reside with me and I'm growing old. As children my siblings and I loved to sort through them, asking elderly relatives to identify people. It gave us all a sense of connection and continuity. My children and grandchildren take thousands of pictures but rarely print them. These photos disappear over time--a lost phone, a new computer, etc. We all lament the fact that when we want to see baby pics of say, Joan--who is now 20, or photos of my mother's last birthday--nobody can find them. All are horrified at the thought of discarding my trove of photographs but claim they have nowhere to store them. I've digitized and shared many of my photos but they've met the same fate as the other digitized pics--nobody can find them or sometimes even remember they have them. What's the answer?
19
@Judy I have a similar situation as you. I'm also the oldest of 6 siblings with multiple adult nieces and nephews who have several children among them. I have several boxes of pictures going back 5 generations with no takers. What I've done, with input and help from 2 of my brothers, is started a family tree on Ancestry. We have posted hundreds of pictures and written what history and stories we remember about each of our long deceased relatives. It's not a perfect solution, but at least some of our family history is preserved for future generations to see.
10
@Western Gal
A wonderful idea. WG! And I do already belong to Ancestry. What you're suggesting is a lot of work, though. Maybe I can get a grandchild or two interested. Thanks!
5
@Judy Yes, a tremendous amount of work. We've been at it for a few years now in fits and starts. Slowly but surely, we started by downloading pictures, now labeling them as we have the time or energy. Good luck!
7
As always, Prof. Appiah helps me think BETTER. Thank you. I read every column right after my Saturday yoga practice, making for the perfect start to the day.
Today, the sophisticated discussion about 'cultural appropriation' (a topic covered in my high school class), gave me new insights around the more important idea of respect. Likewise, I was reminded today that those dusty annoying photos of WHO KNOWS should be given the chance to live another day.
Namaste.
11
Presumably vendors are willing to give free tickets to the writer's agency, but why are they always for the use of one executive and his family? Spread the wealth. Other employees, including the letter writer, should sometimes enjoy an event.
24
My suggestion to the young woman is to avoid political conversations with her family. If they try to engage her, she can always say, “ You know what I think. Let’s agree to disagree. I value our relationship too much to fight with you about politics and risk hurt feelings.” I also strongly suggest that she hold her own tongue. None of the relatives will appreciate it if she tries to correct them. She might well be too young and idealistic to realize that she is wrong. But either way, she will regret alienating her family eventually.
29
I think tossing the photographs is going to be so freeing for you. You will never have to think about them again. As we get older, freedom from mental clutter is as valuable as freedom from physical clutter.
22
@Morag isn't it just as freeing to pass the photos on to someone who would enjoy and appreciate them? Either a family member or a collector? Why add to the mounds of trash when the items can still be used?
9
@Morag The LW didn't give us enough information to really judge the context. Was the aunt wearing blackface, or was it just an ethnic costume? And, what was the occasion? Was it a cotme party? Who knows? But, I'm so glad the ethicist corrected the LW's impression of the term "cultural appropriation". I'm getting tired of hearing/seeing that term batted around so much lately.
1
LW #1 Explain whatever you need to explain, there is nothing unethical with sharing a belief, (as opposed to shaming). Is it unethical to not share your belief? I don't see how; we are under no ethical demand to share with others what we think about their behavior (unless you know of some imminent danger involved - some actual harm to them). Are you asking for permission to do it? You already have permission to have loving (not judgmental) conversations with relatives; you don't need the Ethisist's 's blessing.
7
People seem to find it unthinkable to throw out old photos.
Cleaning out my parents’ home last year, I came across their wedding album from the 50s, which I used to love looking at as a child. Everyone in the pictures was either dead or demented. Neither my sibling nor our children wanted to keep it, nor did I; we all felt we had enough pictures of our relatives. I looked through the wedding photos lovingly one last time, and then I destroyed them. Some friends found this shocking. Why?
8
@Darcy
Darcy, my stomach clenched when I read your comment. How do you know your grandchildren or great-grandchildren wouldn't want to have that album? Or at the very least digital copies, which would take up no physical space?
Photos of long dead relatives are something that can never be retrieved or remade once they are destroyed. I treasure every photo I have of my family's past. I love looking at photos of my now 90 year old aunts and uncles, and seeing echoes of myself and my cousins in their features and mannerisms.
My partner and I have already determined that in case of fire or zombie apocalypse, we are taking the dog and the photos first.
56
@TRex As someone who assists people doing local and family history, I had the same shock reaction. Old photo albums are gems, potentially of great value to future generations of the family, but also to historians for their use in local social history, or in studies of past fashions, hair styles. Give them to a local historical society, but keep a record in the family so the great grandkids know that they exist. Annotate the album with names, dates and locations, in pencil, not ink, and not on the photos.
Many years ago I heard this story from a family historian. When she was a teenager and an elderly aunt, who was the keeper of the family history for generations back, died, her archive of papers, documents and photos were burnt in a bonfire in the back yard. My friend pleaded for them to be saved, but was told "none of your business". She was distraught but vowed to rediscover her family history.
22
@TRex
Not all family lines continue. My parents will never have great-grandchildren. (Yes, I know this for certain.) In a few decades—perhaps less—there will be no one living who ever knew them. This does not make me sad; it is just the way things are. My question is, how is it an ethical obligation to keep old family photographs, even for the sake of potential descendants who might be interested in looking at them? Does it not become pointlessly burdensome at some point? These are sincere questions.
15
Thank you for your insights into what constitutes cultural appropriation. It has sometimes been construed as evil to take any influences from other cultures. The PC police revel in enforcing the rules.
My answer to that has been that if I shouldn't wear big hoop earrings, then black, brown, and Asian women shouldn't dye or streak their hair blonde, no matter how good it looks on them. In fact, hoop earrings began at least as far back as the Sumerians, but in recent decades have been worn more by black and Latina women than whites. If people hadn't taken influences from other cultures, then built on them throughout history, our world would be sadly underdeveloped and impoverished both economically and culturally.
The importance of not legitimately offending people must be separated from not cowering before those who find pleasure in taking offense wherever they can imagine it. And the spirit of admiration and respect for the influences we are taking is paramount.
89
@Marcy
I agree. As I write I am wearing a cotton tunic that I bought from a vender in India. The leggings were also ordered from an Asian clothing company. I did not appropriate them. I bought them using paypal! I've worn beautiful caftans from Arabia and silk kimono from Japan. It's because I admire these items. I see the beauty or utility (colorful knitted caps from Peru) or whatever. Global admiration for an art form has got to be a positive thing. The art of clothing is so exciting because we can share it!
Mocking people is something else. Rude, cruel even. It's not confined to racists though.
14
Please don't throw out the photo album. I recently found a very old photo album and it brought smiles and happiness to me.
25
Costume parties are not my thing. However, that doesn't stop me from having an opinion. I think if somebody goes to a party with the purpose of bringing scorn or derision to an ethnic group, that's bad. If somebody adopts the clothing of different ethnic or racial group for a party where the food, dances, language and customs of the people are celebrated and enjoyed that's good. My reaction to LW1, was, "...enjoy life. Don't be such a killjoy. Give your folks a break. Lighten up." IMHO
38
@Ben
You're assuming there was a costume party. I don't think that's clear in the letter?
3
Direct confrontation is not the answer. Snark remarks will bring attention to her callous selection of her wardrobe. Then when she cannot see you pour black ink on the offending clothes. This action will serve two purposes. She cannot wear what she has and she will be forced to make another purchase selection. But with greater moral clarity because of your snark remarks that obviously would have been effective.
2
@Robert Black What if she buys the same thing?
@Robert Black I do hope that you're joking. If not, that's the worst advice EVER.
3
Give the photo album to his siblings! Destroying old family photographs would be a horrible thing to do, and far more painful to the surviving family if they ever found out.
30
What is all the fuss? One can change one's name, religion, nationality, even one's gender. Why not ethnic dress, as long as it does not transgress local laws of decency?
33
LW2 makes it sound like the boss is taking advantage of LW's professional position to get free tickets.
LW, your position comes from your association with the boss. When you ask, you are relaying the boss's request.
The person providing the free tickets is not doing so as a favor to you. They are responding to the boss's request, which you conveyed.
Your concern is based on a misapplied and inflated sense of your role and position. You are relaying a request. That's it.
40
This person is correct in feeling discomfort about asking, repeatedly, for free stuff. Every such request comes with an obligation, even if unspoken, for some kind of payback. The tickets aren’t really free; this freeloading boss and crew will be in seats that likely could have held paying concert-goers. And the letter-writer, perhaps illogically, is the person who gets a tic by her name on a mental list.
It would cost the boss little to make call himself and carry the resulting freight. The recipients of this guy’s conveyed requests are probably already tired of his repeated asks for tickets he could pay for. If he made the calls himself, he would likely hear the small signs of impatience and boredom from the graftees.
Let him buy season tickets or a box at these venues, and quit making Laura, as I’ll call her, use up her business and personal capital on his behalf.
Finally, promoters are usually more willing to come across if the request is for something out of the ordinary: the person’s parents, in their ‘80s, will be in town and are particular fans of the act, or whatever.
Laura could say, “you know, Ace Talent seems to be getting pretty annoyed that I keep calling for tickets. Maybe you could make one of these calls to make sure it’s not affecting the B2B relationship.”
6
I noticed the RHOA wore kimonos. Didn’t hear a peep about cultural appropriation. Ballet is European culture yet there was criticism that toe shoes didn’t come in dark colors.
7
@NYC Born The ballet shoe thing is purely for aesthetics...a shoe that matches your skin color extends the line of your leg, and gives the dancer a better line. Nowadays, major companies either order shoes in the appropriate color, or dye them (or cover them with makeup, which works but is messy).
2
I accidentally ended up with a large photo album of my ex's childhood. I was no longer in touch with him so many years later and while I knew he was estranged from his family at some point, I knew they had more of a claim on the photos than I did. I was able to find an address for a sibling, and just put them in the mail with a note that I hoped they didn't mind me sending them, but that I couldn't in good-conscience just get rid of something that wasn't mine. I ended up getting a lovely card in response with a check for what it cost for me to send the package. I never cashed the check, but to this day I am so glad they are closer to home than they were with me.
94
The term "cultural appropriation" makes my spine coil up. As has been said by many here already, culture and fashion and cuisine are fluid concepts, with influences and homage spread and shared across man-made boundaries and definitions of race and ethnicity. If all you knew about me was my name and my physical appearance, you would presume that I was a 100% off-the-boat Italian. But my origins are far more muddled than that. Having spent almost no time with my Italian relatives growing up, the tiny part of me that is genetically Irish is proud to wear the County tartan of my ancestors and parade down the street on March 17th. This, despite the confused looks and skeptical interrogations I receive from "real" Irish people. Culture has as much to do with how and where we were raised and how we identify with the traditions that we grew up with.
25
@PennGirl24 Sorry, but real Irish people don't wear, and never have worn, 'tartan'. There is no such thing as a 'county tartan' in Ireland - although it may have been invented by Irish-Americans as an identity thing. Tartan is a Scottish thing. I suspect the confusion of 'real' Irish people has got a lot more to do with your wearing of a Scottish tartan and claiming it as part of an 'Irish' identity than it has to do with your Italian looks!
Anyway, everyone is 'Irish' on March 17th- a celebration invented by Irish-American immigrants to declare and celebrate their original identity and foster cohesion among them in their new home.
PS - we real Irish don't eat corned beef and cabbage on St Patrick's day either!
3
@Mari Scott Scots started moving into northern Ireland in 1609 and their descendants are known as the Ulster Scots. The descendants today are legitimately Irish, just as the descendants of the Irish who migrated to the USA during the famine in the 1800s are now Americans. (A lot of Irish migrated to Scotland at this time too.)
So it perfectly possible to be Irish in America, but have a Scottish surname (or ancestors) and tartan.
I am of Scottish descent but didn't know this until I researched an Irish surveyor of Scottish descent who emigrated to Australia in the 1840s.
4
@Mari This reminds me of an incident from my childhood. I am an American of Lithuanian heritage. When I was in the 4th grade, my teachers encouraged the children to wear green on St. Patrick's Day. When my father saw my green getup, he ordered me to change my clothes immediately. "You are not Irish," he said. I actually appreciated his directive and never wore green on March 17th again.
3
About the photo albums: Go on Ancestry.com (free for the first two weeks) and find out who runs the biggest and best family trees for your husband's family. Email that person and tell her/him what you've got. If they want it, send it along.
That person can scan the pictures, adding them to the family tree. S/he can include a note on each picture asking for i.d. from relatives/descendants who recognize the people.
You get rid of the albums, and you do a service to those of your husband's surviving relatives who are interested in genealogy.
33
It meant every to me to see photos of a grandmother who was lost to my mother as a young child.
They were posted on ancestry sites.
5
As a person of two minority groups: taking offense on behalf of us is condescending. As it was explained in the response, unless a member of the targeted group has expressively told you that your aunt's outfit is offensive, your assumption that they would see it as an act of cultural appropriation is arrogant. I am as liberal as it gets but I find these white woke folks who feel they need to fight my battles for me highly irritating.
146
@Rosie
Respectfully I disagree. No Arab has ever told me it is disrespectful to wear an abaya for Halloween but I would still tell a friend a culture is not a costume.
I would suspect that someone who would wear a questionable costume has few friends outside of their own culture, so who is there to say 'hey I don't think you meant it to be, but that is disrespectful'
1
@Jane Why?
2
A costume is not racist.
You may choose to consider the person wearing it a racist and they may, or may not be.
You are exhibiting an implicit bias.
29
Yeah, and what's with the four-in-hand necktie spreading to all parts of the world? Does that count as cultural appropriation? I personally refuse to wear the things under most circumstances , but should I be offended? Don't even get me started on tartans.
But seriously, those south asian hats are really great in the rain.
13
@Hugh Crawford This really isn't a good comparison. When the West colonized most of the world, they tried to force their own customs (religion, food, clothing, etc.). Many formerly colonized nations, who have only been free for a few decades, are trying to go back to their roots.
9
@Caitlin So should everyone in Japan and China stop wearing jeans, because western clothing was forced on them? Can a person of colour wear a Scottish kilt? Can a Scot wear a Polynesian kilt aka lavalava or sarong? Indeed, should I stop wearing the batik sarong I bought in Indonesia, even though it was made for the tourist market and sold to me by a local wearing western jeans and T-shirt?
9
Why not scan the photos in the album, and send the images to any family members who might be interested?
12
Letter #1 Sack up and buy a backbone.
Letter #2 If the vendors don't mind you shouldn't either.
Letter # 3 Offer the album to one of his siblings or his siblings children. Someone will appreciate it one day.
18
@Roman You are spot on in all respects regarding all three queries. Also, only the second letter includes an ethical issue, and it appears to be one largely invented by the querant. The other two are squarely in the 'Dear Abby' wheelhouse.
14
"In it, she is dressed in a “costume” portraying a person of color. " I understand the nephew's concern, but I haven't been able to figure out what constitutes a costume of a person of color. Is this Aunt Jemima, Mammy, Carmen Miranda? It would be helpful to distinguish between mocking some racial characteristics and possibly mimicking a style of dress because of its appeal.
39
Enough nonsense. Are you going to tell, e.g., 1.5b Chinese who dress western-style since a century that they should go back to wear long gowns and braids because of cultural appropriation? It would be just as ridiculous as the outrage that poor white U.S. student triggered among certain Chinese social media because she had committed the crime of wearing a Chinese-style dress for her graduation ceremony. Fashion has been borrowing from all kind of influences since the dawn of times and that is good so. You can't advocate for inclusion and cultural purity at the same time. That is looking from the wrong end of the telescope. There are other causes worthy of being fought for.
102
If you are all in fact, self-described neoliberal Democrats, then your aunt shouldn’t have an issue with being diplomatically informed that her poor choice of costume is racially insensitive, cultural appropriation.
If she doesn’t agree, then just drop the matter and chalk it up to a generational issue or obstinacy. Either way, it’s not worth blowing the roof off the house in a heated debate because it’s not your problem, it’s her problem.
11
I have rarely come upon an instance when a costume described as "racist" turned out not to be. I would rather the aunt was offended rather than the people she is likely offending.
15
@Warren , why, how many “racist costumes” have people told you their relatives wear? Did they happen to at least describe these “racist” clothing items? Because we have no clue. But from the lack of any detail to judge by, and the “lifetime” attitude of being aggrieved by “neoliberal” (really?) family members, this busy young person doesn’t sound all that instantly credible to me. And there is a basic respect involved in refraining from judgments of others’ lives and choices; I get the sense that self-appointed judges are perhaps a greater scourge these days than the trivial sins they often keen over.
3
The whole construct of cultural appropriation strikes me as so idiotically self absorbed that it makes want to levitate. But then I like ethnic restaurants - god forbid I'm appropriating another culture's food - and take photos of my lovely black cat wearing bindi from time to time.
Still the author handled the question very well and I don't think it's necessarily an issue of young vs. old. How about common sense/decorum vs. navel gazing, self righteous excess.
39
I was agreeing with you until you said you put a bindi on your cat. That’s like putting a Christian cross on a Guinean pig or a Star of David on a dog.
Surely that trivializes an important and sacred part of another group’s culture- which is exactly what Appiah said us not ethically ok.
How do you think a Hindu would feel if they saw that? Respected? I think not.
6
The fields of anthropology and archaeology trace civilization through designs copied from one location to another - pottery designs and decorations, foods, recipes... Borrowing from other cultures started at the beginning of time and continues to this day - trace anything back far enough and you will find that it had its origins in other cultures.
There is nothing new under the sun...
56
It’s interesting that the writer asking about the free tickets refers to “vendors.” Most larger corporations have policies about accepting gifts from vendors — because gifts could influence decisions about contracting or procurement.
12
@Pat Smith Not in the'entertainment industry'. Comps and freebies are doled out like Halloween candy.
6
@Sundevilpeg Having worked in the entertainment industry, I would say that just because it's industry practice, doesn't mean it's ethical. ESPECIALLY when we're talking about the entertainment industry.
I generally agree with ALL the advice today, except the “ photo “ letter. Offer by phone call or Email the photos to the Siblings. Do it in random order, by coin toss if necessary. If they don’t want them, discard them. The eBay suggestion is Tacky, awkward and silly. I would not want photos of myself randomly floating around forever, like a plastic water bottle in the Ocean.
Weird.
39
I'm not sure why you did not answer the simple question, "would it be immoral to just through the album out?" Of course it isn't immoral. It even seems questionable whether siblings would be interested in an album they don't know exists. I think the woman has done her job in querying the couple's children. It seems as if she considers it rather troublesome to go farther. I'm with her! I am of an age where I see friends anguishing all the time about what to do with mementos, gifts, furniture, jewelry, silver, crystal, china, etc. that their children do not want. Somehow many people feel duty bound to find happy homes for the "stuff" that accumulates through the years. It makes downsizing terribly difficult. And surely a 20-year-old photo album does not merit the amount of consideration your kind questioner invested in it. Let her throw the darned thing out!
22
@Willow One day that 20 year old photo album will be 120 years old, as long as it's not thrown out now. It may in fact become the last photo album in existence, given the near universal
switch to digital photography. We know photo albums survive well, at least 150+ years; but we have yet to discover whether any of our digital family shots or selfies stored on laptops or tablets will last a fraction of that time. The photo albums that now exist are going to increase greatly in value, monetary as well as historic, in the future. Those from the early 20th century can already go for thousands of dollars. I know, because I bought one.
12
@Willow
I agree. I think the writer was looking for permission to toss it. Making these decisions is torment for many. I’ve been there myself and there are times when you just have to let things go for your own mental health.
6
@KathyGail I can understand the desire to toss the album for one's mental health. Most of the responses have been about where to toss it, suggesting more constructive targets than the rubbish bin or incinerator.
2
LW 1: "Cultural appropriation" is nonsense! Everyone does it everyday, even the letter writer. Inevitably, cultures in contact with one another will share broad elements of virtually everything that constitutes a culture: language, attire, religion, food preparation, to name a few.
Is cooking Italian or Thai demeaning to the culture of origin? Of course not!
Many elements of clothing originated decades or centuries ago from other cultures. Men's ties came to western Europe from Croatia (the cravat) in the 1620's. Every time I put on a tie am I guilty of "cultural appropriation"? Well yes, but it is not in any sense racist, neo-liberal or evil.
A large majority of words in modern English originate from cultures outside England. Is the letter writer aware of that.
"Cultural appropriation" is a manufactured controversy that is void of any content whatever. When examined closely, the idea of cultural appropriation itself is racist. Who is to say which culture is dominant?
There are other problems of American culture that need to be confronted and solved: poverty, unfair criminal justice. voter disenfranchisement, environmental degradation. Let's stop wasting time on trivialities.
82
1. Is she portraying a person of color as a stereotype or she is dressed as an actual person who was of color, like Frida Kahlo? Either way, the aunt of an adult woman likely has better things to do than dress up. Reply back that you found the outfit in poor taste, suggest she not repeat the performance. Maybe send her a story or two about Justin Trudeau and help her understand that racial caricature includes more than just blackface and brownface make up.
2. Your employer is asking to do to a task. The vendors are ok with giving tickets. Question is: is your employer (boss' boss) and your contacts? If you asking for the freebies is hurting your professional network, you need to discuss that with your boss. If this violates a company gift policy, you need to report it up the chain. Otherwise, there is no harm and no cause for complaint except that the task is menial in nature.
3. There are companies that offer services to digitize photos either from prints or negatives. Research and pick the best option for you. Send each relative a CD or USB drive with the photos. Or have the company print you new albums from the digitized files and mail those. If you have financial wherewithal, I do believe you have some minor obligation to preserve the photos for those siblings and for any future relatives, etc.
9
Good answers, Dr. Appiah. I appreciate the discussion of cultural appropriation, so-called. I think that it's a great idea to offhandedly as what she thinks the other will feel, and then just saying, "Well, let me know how it turns out." You will have given her the seed to think about it.
I'm wondering in the second letter if the writer is just peeved to be asked to do something she feels is beneath her...like getting coffee. Certainly being in the industry she has a clue about the way things work.
8
When a black kid wears a Superman cape, we don't call it "cultural appropriation". Is it cultural appropriation for a white kid to dress up for Halloween as a character from Black Panther? The entertainment industry, although still behind the times, is an example of an industry that is becoming more diverse. Avoiding "cultural appropriation" by segregating ourselves isn't the right answer.
I wholeheartedly agree with Mr. Appiah. It's all about respect. It's not ok to mock another ethnicity no matter how it's done. Respectfully embracing another culture or ethnicity is not racist.
40
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. So when my 200 strong Business School class of predominantly Indian & Pakistani students asked me to wear the Sari I had bought for a formal affair, to class, I refused. I didn’t want some joker to step on it and for me to unravel in public. However I relented when it came to wearing my Salwar Kamise. They were delighted, flattered and proud that I found their ‘costume’ their culture admirable. The university admin (white, British) had a decidedly different take on it. Til I told them I’d been asked by the students to wear it.
Different cultures offer us a variety of perspectives, customs, ideologies and yes material objects which we can observe, consider, admire, and borrow. It enlightens us. Grow up.
57
@Catherine Taylor I too bought a sari for formal events. Much nicer and more modest than a gown! I think the Salwar Kamise is a very practical and elegant outfit, too. It depends on your build how either of these outfits looks.
I find it very intriguing that the students requested you wear the sari. If you are ever asked again, a large safety pin inside the pleats will keep you from unravelling when you step on the hem.
15
I find the idea of cultural or ethnic appropriation to be utter nonsense. It is all out there for the taking and with no apologies, just like the aunts do as they wish. Obviously they shouldn't be intentionally trying to make fun of a culture or ethnic group, but wearing their clothes, hairstyles, footwear, etc. sounds fine. Many good ideas come from other people. How many people who aren't cowboys, but dress up for a theme barbecue or children's school fair with that theme? I dont hear too many people whining about it. This ultra liberal view is just another topic to whine about.
27
Reaching out to surviving siblings about the album is the most compassionate way, I think. "Dear [siblings], In my quest to "downsize," I have recently come across a photo album of [x} from a time in his life before we got together. I am writing to see if [any of] you would like to have this. Please let me know." If none reply, or respond that they do not want this album, then you are free to do with it what you wish. If people other than "X" are still alive, I would hesitate to donate it for public archiving.
11
I hate to throw out old pictures, especially from previous generations whom I never met. I love looking at them and wondering. That said, pictures from my own youth...meh. If they don’t bring on an emotion, they can be discarded. Do what feels right and be done with it.
As for auntie, I think “cultural misappropriation” might be a more appropriate term. Because I think we appropriate looks/fashions/design/music from other cultures all the time. Imitation as a sincere form of flattery. Was it a costume that on the face of it was jarring and could make one wonder what the intent was? Or did she just look silly trying to dress as Cardi B? If the latter let her have fun. If the former try a gentle suggestion. You don’t have to “win”; it’s just food for thought.
3
I disagree with your advice in instance #2 with the entertainment producer. In this instance the boss is using the company’s influence to gain a personal favor. This favor provides no benefit to the company as indicated that it is for family members that are not employed there. In this situation the boss is abusing their position to ask for these favors. The employee in this case has no obligation to do something that does not benefit the company, makes them uncomfortable, and can make them liable if the misdeed is discovered.
I would like to add that it should not matter what the norm is within the industry. Image if the same actions were taken by government officials. Or think of another norm in the entertainment industry, sexual harassment. We cannot accept wrongdoing just because it becomes a norm. We should all be held to the same standards of ethics.
2
@NKM
Absolutely agree with all of your points here. I also don’t think the letter stated they are a personal assistant, but the reply assumes that they are. I could be missing something though.
Cultural appropriation is a problem when a culture is stolen and presented as belonging to another culture. But enjoying other cultures by wearing culture-specific clothing, or speaking other languages, is not wrong. There is no such thing a “pure” culture, anyway.
18
I’m always intrigued about this topic of cultural appropriation. From afar, it appears to be more an American sensitivity than a global one.
In fact, I’ve never heard it mentioned by anyone in Australia other than in the context of say a European artist passing their work off as traditional aboriginal art. Taken to its logical conclusion, would it be ok for a white person to call out cultural appropriation if an African American wore a business suite and spoke English, I think not. Come on guys, get real and stop trying to find ways to divide us. For heavens sake, no one has the moral right to claim ownership of a hair style or a pattern on fabric.
30
@Michael Here's an Australian example of 'cultural appropriation'. A friend of mine is Korean, but grew up in the USA before migrating to Australia. She worked with a group of Sudanese women, importing African fabrics and making clothes to sell at local markets. She invited me along to an African Fair in a park in suburb Sydney: concert, fashion parade of the clothes, market stalls selling jewelry and clothing, and great food.
At one point I joined a group of young Sudanese men in western clothes who were using mobile (cell) phones to photograph one of the dancers, who was wearing a stunning head-dress in the form of a zebra's head. I used my phone to photograph them photographing the zebra dancer. Chatting, one of them commented that they were fascinated because they had never seen anything like this before due to the disruption to normal life in Sudan due to the war; they had come to Australia as youth or child refugees. (For more info, google Deng Adut).
I have no problem with wearing the African derived clothes made by these new Australians, even though I am not African, Korean or American, but just bog standard Anglo-Celtic.
That said, we do have serious issues with appropriation of Aboriginal culture, especially for commercial gain by non-Aboriginal people.
3
The discussion of cultural appropriation is so succinct, wise, and portable that it actually gave me chills (after I read it a couple of times to make sure I understood the point about the term "cultural appropriation" itself being tainted by imperialistic associations). When I got to the Robert Burns quote, I thought to myself, "what god of scholarship wrote this?" Then I looked at the byline, and I understood. Thank you for making me a more thoughtful human, Mr. Appiah.
10
Many members of my family died because of their Jewish culture/background. When someone adopts Jewish rituals for fun, without bothering to join an established Jewish community (or even to communicate with any Jews about Judaism), I consider this to be problematic cultural appropriation. While an appropriator’s actions may not be meant to be mocking or cruel, their ability to enjoy a culturally significant practice while remaining impervious to any negative ramifications (possible because of relative privilege) can come off as disrespectful, indeed.
Things get very bad when considering the mocking character of most Halloween costumes, and the way that they tend to exploit stereotypes to depict specific groups of people.
5
@Anais Berg What Jewish rituals do non-Jews adopt "for fun"? Lighting Hannukah or Sabbath candles? I've heard of evangelical Christians holding Seders because they relate to Jesus's last supper, but have otherwise never been aware of anything like this. I'm Jewish.
19
@Anais Berg The fact that you consider something is bad does not mean it is. It is just your opinion - nobody appointed you to decide.
If you don't like what people do, stay away from them, don't befriend them.
I am a secular Jew and always try to share my love for Klezmer music with people of different ethnical/cultural background.
1
Hearing talk about cultural appropriation makes me cringe. Culture doesn't stand still and doesn't exist in a vacuum. Owning it and taking ownership of it are two different things. I understand how it may bother some people but the idea of calling out people for taking pleasure in, or appreciating a different culture in what ever way they may choose is pretentious.
14
I think the problem with LW#1 is that she is conflating the personal and political. (I know that the writer was not identified by sex in the letter, but I feel certain it is a woman.) I believe that is a key reason that her interactions with her aunt and mother have been so fraught for so long.
She starts off by saying that, throughout her life, she has tried to confront her family about "the way they treat" her -- which strongly suggests that she believes herself to be the victim of abuse or neglect or lack of love by her relatives. She then immediately says that that is why it is so hard to discuss politics with them. It seems that these confrontations are not really about politics, but about a deep and long-standing feeling of not being respected in general.
I also think that the writer is not being totally honest with herself about her motives. She makes it sound as though she needs to rescue her aunt from something. But it sounds more as if she is trying to show her aunt how superior she is morally.
If the costume is racist, the only way to have a constructive conversation about it is to avoid confrontation, accusations, and PC buzz phrases like "cultural appropriation". It would be better to say something like, "I think that there are others who might feel a little offended by that costume. I would like to tell you what some of my friends have told me about how they feel when they see a white person dressed that way. I doubt that is what you intended."
20
In many towns, the historical society is interested in old photographs. I always favor finding a home for things like this, if there is one -- what possible purpose is served by throwing the photographs away?
11
@sandy
Agree. If you can't find a relative who wants them for a family tree on Ancestry.com, consider donating them to the theater dept. at a university. Try UMKC or another library with a good theatrical collection.
3
LW3: Old photos are a record of the past. Destroying or throwing them out is IMO like erasing history.
If you had a handwritten memoir of some distant cousin who lived 100 years ago, I am sure you would not dream of throwing it away.
The photos may have no relevance to you or even to your late husband's siblings, but down the generations they may become valuable to others. As one who has done a lot of family research, I can attest that discovering a stash of old photos is like receiving a gift.
Don't destroy them, or if you must, at least scan them, so that they are digitally preserved.
17
Regarding the photos: ask each of the siblings separately. I would have loved to have more photos from my family's past; so few were kept until I could appreciate them.
11
I don’t think it would be right to give or sell the photos to people who are not in the photos. Some of them are probably still alive and would not appreciate their images being looked at by other people, possibly shared on social media or placed in an exhibition. And their families, if they themselves are no longer alive, would not appreciate it either. Don’t people have rights to their own images anymore? If not, they should.
8
Some will argue that it is wrong to be outraged at appropriation of a culture to which one does not themselves belong. There is a great deal of value in ensuring those who have been most victimized by structural oppression lead the fight to end it. However, that does not mean they must fight alone. Instead, we must all be equal partners in the fight for equal treatment. It means recognizing a white person in blackface not as an African-American problem or a Caucasian-American problem, but simply as an American problem. In some ways, the division of people by race vis-à-vis a particular issue only seeks to further enflame the existing structural oppression, creating a stalemate. This stalemate ensures progress is not accomplished and, thus, those in the most powerful positions under the status quo continue to benefit at the expense of others. This does not mean avoiding discussion of race. Instead, these inequities should be understood and discussed. What should not then ensue, however, is a blaming of individual actors with privilege for the oppression, but rather a recognition that structures and systems all around us do the work of marginalizing our fellow human beings every day. In this regard, we must act as a united force against systems of oppression that made possible the history of pain that makes cultural appropriation problematic in the first place. Then, and only then, can we truly live in a post racial society.
2
@Hessann As thoughtful and passionate as this comment is, I believe it glides past what Appiah addressed as a central consideration: that both the letter writer and her elders are secure in their belief that they *are* acting to promote racial sensitivity and unity. The polarized tone of discussion between individuals of differing political philosophies seems to me to be the primary reason why we persistently fall short of the productive “national conversation on race” which is so often vaunted as the aim of all advocates for equality.
10
For goodness sake. Hold on to the photo album. You may not want it now. Your children may not want it now. But in 20 years they may love having it.
How much room could it possible take?
Photos from the past are a real treasure.
40
@Will.
Agree. A theatrical costume company might like the pictures.
1
"All the photos are from before we got together."
You don't say if these photos are of your late husband's childhood or of people, places or things that were significant to him. Your husband actually did have a life before your marriage. Respect him and his privacy enough to send the album to a family member with a note of explanation before either discarding it or turning it into public fodder. Curious.
16
I appreciate your rational explanation on cultural appropriation. Two years ago, my friends had an anguished, hand-ringing crisis about whether to let her 5 year dress up as Moana for Halloween. She ultimately decided that her kid should not, because the child is white. White kids, after all, have so many heros to choose from; she should let kids of color "have" Moana to themselves.
I thought this was such a shame, and honestly contrary to a an ideal of respect for all. Here this girl absolutely adored Moana, but she was basically being told that it wasn't appropriate for her to so overtly express her admiration for a person of color. Whereas, I looked at the situation and thought that it was a wonderful thing that in today's world, there are situations where little white girls can worship characters of color, rather than the other way around.
114
@Itsy that’s a great point. I think the concept of cultural appropriation has itself been appropriated from academia, where it originated, and used by well-off white people to avoid addressing institutional racism. We can do so much better than preventing children from dressing as a positively portrayed non-white cartoon character.
27
Cultural appropriation is not a problem for anybody other than those that choose to be offended.
30
As a liberal, I hate to sound like one of those conservatives railing about PC excesses. However, I really, really cringe at the term cultural "appropriation." There is no such thing as a "pure" culture. In fact, whenever two cultures meet, neither leaves the encounter unchanged. This is invariably the case throughout history. Humans are social creatures and drawn to novelty.
It also implies a false zero-sum-ness, whereas culture is as indivisible as the air we breathe. Someone trying their hand at Ethiopian food or Japanese kabuki is doing nothing to inhibit anyone else from enjoying aspects of any culture they see fit.
66
@LV -- In other words, sometimes conservatives have a valid point.
Letter #1–Mind your own business.
Letter #2–do what your boss asks.
Letter #3–donate the album to local historical society.
19
This was such a thoughtful and measured reply. Thanks for Thanks for writing it. Last Halloween I went as Pocahontas, and as someone who is not Native I was curious and a bit afraid of what people might say in these sensitive times. We bear a physical resemblance (I'm southeast Asian with long straight dark hair), which is why I chose the costume. Everyone loved it, and I heard no objections, except from my sister who disapproved saying it was not a "woke costume". I think your response adequatedly states what I wished then that I could've told her, that my intention was clearly neither disdainful nor disrespectful, and so - not offensive. Thank you.
32
Finally. Thank you, Mr. Appiah for your smart and level-headed response regarding "cultural appropriation". It's a much too broad term that implies a crime in its very wordage. To many today, defending "cultural appropriation" would be like defending "drunk driving". Look at most of the great works of art: parts of them have been appropriated. For one, consider Billy Wilder, a man born and brought up in Europe whose language was not originally English and who, after he escaped to the US, created arguably the greatest American film noir (Double Indemnity), the greatest US business romance (The Apartment) and one of the greatest farces (Some Like It Hot) our country has made. Thank you, Mr. Wilder, for appropriating my culture. BECAUSE he came from another culture he was able to see what we in our culture could not, elements that we have become numb to. Jenny Odell in her book Nothing says it very well: Nothing is so simultaneously familiar and alien as that which has been present all along.
28
I worked with a number of women from Somalia. As a gift to me for my birthday they (for lack of a better word) decorated my arms and hands with henna ‘tattoos’. Since these women traditionally wore longsleeved garments and I usually wore tank tops, I specifically asked them how they felt about my showing off the henna by going out in public with bare arms in a tank top. They said they would be delighted if I did so because it gave people the opportunity to see their artwork and their craftsmanship.
if someone saw me a white woman with the Hennis it could very well conclude that I was engaged in cultural appropriation but they be wrong. Sometimes the best solution is to ask before you draw conclusions.
79
I would say you were engaged in cultural appropriation, and that’s what culture is for. The advice to the letter writer was the best thing I’ve seen on the subject. The point is disrespect, not appropriation.
22
As I understand it, cultural appropriation refers to those actions that exploit another culture to the benefit of the dominant culture, rather than honoring the original culture. For example listen to the Malcom Gladwell podcast on Elvis Presley. The demo presented to Presley by a black musician. It was almost indistinguishable from Presley’s eventual commercial performance for which he gained world renown and wealth. The creative work was done by someone who was not recognized because the dominant culture at the time was uncomfortable with ‘black music’.
3
@Adam Block
Actually, I would say Susan was engaged in cultural sharing, since her Somali friends were happy to share it with her.
4
Professor Appiah has expressed sensible and considerate opinions in answer to theses questions.
Over time. culture do "appropriate" from each other and that is one of the ways cultures change and evolve. There is nothing unethical about adopting from another group or culture behaviours which have been demonstrated to be useful and helpful. For example, the Indigenous Australian concept of demand sharing can be wonderful in many contexts and clearly had great survival value for Indigenous people in the past. Professor Appiah is correct when he talks about it being done out of respect and admiration and in that context appropriation of another's cultural beliefs can lessen tribalism and engender more understanding. It's when it is done to mock or demean there is a serious insult. A little nuance is helpful.
Furthermore, lecturing others and name calling in a sanctimonious or high handed way never influences hearts and minds.
49
To LW1, is it more important to be right to your aunt or to show her love? She may have been provoking you with her costume, expecting the response you want to give her, but surprise her and take the high road and see if you can change the dynamic where you feel they are always dismissing your views. If you change your energy to focus on connecting with her rather than seeing who can be right about what seems to be an ongoing tussle of ideas, then they may also stop with the competition.
20
As far as the photos go, having lost access and possession of all my family and childhood photos, home movies, and other family objects that existed prior to my fathers remarriage, an anonymous care package in the mail would have certainly be welcome at any time.
94
I lost my sister seven years ago—I think of her every day and would be thrilled and touched to receive such a photo album.
22
@steven23lexny , Why be anonymous? It's fine to just say the writer found it and wondered if they'd like it. And sign their name.
5
Appiah's test made great sense: is the person wearing/cooking/using something from another culture with respect and appreciation? Or not?
Regarding the photo album, just send it to the sibling you like/know the best. My bet is however painful the death of your husband was to them, 20 years later, they feel differently.
69
"I’m at a loss about what to do with a photo album that belonged to my former husband, who died over 20 years ago. I’d like to toss it out. All the photos are from before we got together. "
Is it possible that your former husband's alum might have some value to local historians? Offer it to the library in your community that keeps these types of materials.
16
If LW#2 works in the "entertainment industry," then wouldn't their boss also work in that same business? And why is it an issue what their boss asks them to do during work hours when, presumably, they are working for their boss? I find this situation confusing as presented.
134
@Jennene Colky My thoughts exactly. Why doesn't the Boss get his or her own tickets. Or is the Boss treating the employee as a "go for" and that's why LW is upset? I'm confused too.
8
I think the issue is the boss’s use of corporate time and resources for his personal benefit. The letter writer’s concern seems to be that his or her work time should be spent advancing the company’s business interests, not the boss’s personal interests.
9
@Ecce Homo That's exactly right: the benefits are for the boss *and his family* so this is hardly strictly professional (in which case asking the LW to do so would be another thing altogether.)
2
"While my relatives respect that my views are changing as I learn and grow, they’ve never been challenged by a person from my generation before."
To paraphrase the quote often attributed to Mark Twain, as a person of a younger generation, you may hardly be able to stand having your mother and aunt around. But when you get to be older, you will will astonished at how much the old folks have learned in ten or fifteen years.
89
@Asheville Resident
And I'll add my favorite Oscar Wilde quote:
"I'm not young enough to know everything."
185
@Asheville Resident And Bob Dylan wrote, "Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now."
1
“The point is that “cultural appropriation,” as a diagnosis, is decidedly unhelpful. The metaphor suggests that a person of one culture is taking something that belongs to people of another culture...”
I commend Mr. Appiah for taking this stance. He properly states that he can’t issue a firm opinion on whether the specific costume is offensive without seeing it, but he is correct to not apply a broad brush to cultural appropriation. All costumes are appropriation of some type; that’s the point, they can’t not be such, and we should resist this aspect of the ‘outrage culture’ that strives to take offense wherever possible.
197
@ChrisMas
Again- missing the point. This person chose something as a costume. A costume is meant as a statement or representation. It's not incorporating an element into one's wardrobe out of admiration. It's a form of play-acting which often belittles, demeans, or stereotypes a culture. There's a difference.
2
@amy The person dresses the particular way because they likes it. How is it not admiration. Where did you find any belittlement, demeaning, or stereotyping?
2
@amy
Except that LW1 didn't say that her aunt was dressed in a costume. She said her aunt is dressed in a "costume." Considering her use of the scare quotes, I must confess that I have no idea what the writer is referring to here.
3
I found your discussion of cultural appropriation helpful. I try to explain it fairly frequently and make similar arguments to what you have made. But I have not distinguished the concept as specifically about intellectual property - I've focused on respect, disrespect, and mocking. Adding that idea is helpful. Thank you.
53
Not to be too wonky, but with respect to the photo albums, there is another wrinkle to be considered. The photographer is the actual copyright holder to the photos, not the person who possesses the photos. If the photographer/photographers is/are known, it would be right to ask them if they want the photos returned.
12
@Quincy Magoo
The photographer owns the copyright to the photos. The photographer does not own the prints (copies). The photographer has no legal, property, or ethical right to possess the prints.
Just as an author does not own the prints (copies) of his/her books.
17
The whole point of costumes is to dress as someone else, isn't it? It makes no sense that some groups can perform or dress as others groups but not the reverse.
151
@David Right, but the point is not whether or not one can dress as someone else, but whether and how one does that respectfully.
6
@David Totally agree. Unless the costume is exaggerating a particular aspect of the person along racial lines, it's not automatically racist because the person is of another race. I'm white, but I could dress as Prince with a purple suit and a crazy guitar, and it'd be fine. If I darken my face for it, then it's bad. Don't focus the costume specifically on the racial differences, and it can absolutely be ok.
10
Please tell me I didn't just read the Ethicist to say that cultural appropriation doesn't really exist because if it did then the Ashanti people couldn't use block print technology that was developed in Java. Please! Cultural appropriation does exist - whether or not you are being respectful to the culture or cultural items you are appropriating. In general, cultural appropriation occurs when a members of a dominant cultural adopt or use items from a minority culture - whether or not the use is respectful. Two things create the bulk of the problem: 1. A dominant culture is adopting/appropriating the item, and 2. The person or persons adopting/appropriating the item does not have the right (cultural gravitas, so to speak) to be using the item.
I'm not saying that one minority culture can't appropriate from another - it most certainly can, but the most egregious appropriation is from a dominant culture. And appropriation occurs with items of cultural significance - clothing, jewelry, grooming habits, patterns of speech, etc. So the block printing technology example (unless they are using the exact same block printing patterns and colors as Java) that the Ethicist cites from the Ashanti doesn't meet the definition of cultural appropriation. That would be like saying that Europe culturally appropriated weaving from the MIddle East - a technology, not a cultural construct.
Every one of us could be more considerate when it comes to one another's cultural backgrounds.
29
@Susan Wensel - Please clarify for me how to distinguish cultural appropriation from simply wearing clothes from another country. "...Cultural appropriation occurs when a members of a dominant cultural adopt or use items from a minority culture..."
If I travel to Indonesia and buy batik clothing, is it inappropriate for me to wear it? If an Indonesian person gives me a batik shirt or necktie, or a dress for my wife, is it inappropriate for us to wear them even though the Indonesian person intended that we do so and expressed approval when I sent him a picture of us wearing batik on a Friday? (Many Indonesians wear batik on Friday as a sign of national pride. Saturday through Thursday, most of the ones I worked with looked like they shop at Sears, aside from the hijabs about half the women wore.) That batik tie looks really good with a white shirt and tan suit.
If my wife buys me presumably Hopi-style jewelry from a Hopi, is that acceptable for me to wear because a Hopi sold it to her for profit, or cultural appropriation?
If, while working in Brasil, I got accustomed to saying "tudo bem" for "okay," is it okay for me to continue doing so upon my return to the US, or to say "d'accord" just because I like the sound of it?
I intend these as questions seeking answers, not as rhetorical questions.
187
Well meaning and considerate people everywhere are now totally perplexed as to whether or not they are allowed to make enchiladas.
The author never once said that cultural appropriation doesn’t exist. Rather they are advocating for a more nuanced take on the situation. We could all use a little more nuance these days.
178
@Susan Wensel I don't think this quite works; I think Mr. Appiah's stance is the only one that's really morally/logically coherent--whether or not something is done in a respectful way as the test. The world cannot be easily be divided into "dominant" and "minority" cultures. Most groups have been both victims and aggressors at different points. Groups can be "dominant" or "minority" depending on context. Many people's identities are more complex than they appear. People are complicated!
115
Prof. Appiah,
Congratulations on a very good day at the ball park. 3-for-3 at the plate, and I think you hit that first one out of the park.
127
Although I feel that there is no obligation to hold onto the photo album, it would be a nice gesture to offer it to the siblings...with one caveat: Give them a deadline for replying (“I’m happy to hold onto this until July; I hope you’ll get in touch with me before then. If I don’t hear back by then, I’ll assume you’re not interested and will dispose of it.”). Having been a local museum director, I can tell you that most small historical societies and museums do not have the staff or ability to store and catalog everything they are offered, nor are most items historically worthy of saving in terms of telling a story. If the album isn’t that big, consider scanning the photos and saving them to the cloud and then toss the physical album itself. Make disc copies for those who can’t decide by your deadline. Problem solved.
100
It's not productive to confront your aunt over something like this. Even Professor Appiah agrees that it's sometimes hard to draw the line in such cases
Stick to things you might actually be able to convince her about: notably, the humanity of LGBT people. I've found that people who like to think of themselves as liberal can be brought around on this topic, because, as Harvey Milk often pointed out, they know some gay people and can identify with them and are distressed when these acquaintances are mistreated. Good luck.
41
I love your statement, "'cultural appropriation,' as a diagnosis is decidedly unhelpful." I believe that it is often used as just one more call out from the self-identified "woke" folk.
I have heard it applied to those wearing clothing inspired by another culture, and to cooks who dare to prepare the food of another culture, especially in a restaurant setting. These efforts are often true expressions of admiration and respect. And who does it hurt? We are not talking blackface or phony accents here.
I once attended a wedding of a close relative with my wife and children in Indonesia. We were the relative's only family and the bride asked if we would wear traditional garb to the traditional ceremony. Some, upon seeing a cherished photo of that event would quickly call it cultural appropriation. We were honored and did it out of respect.
Perhaps those who are not of a culture who claim appropriation of that culture are guilty of a worse offense: appropriation of feelings.
317
@RINO There seem to be a lot of these people. I think that their real motivation is to find fault with others so that they can feel superior. I’d say they need a good boot to the head, but thIs would be an appropriation of Canadian comic culture, so perhaps I shouldn’t.
21
@RINO
My sister went to an Indian wedding where you change your clothes 3 times. The bride's family provided her with the right clothes. She is not Indian.
17
@RINO I would also call them self appointed judges/deciders what is right or wrong.
2
Another option for old photo albums: offer them to the local or state historical society. Depending on where the photos were taken, they may help fill gaps in the historical record or show originals of lost or much-changed architecture.
27
@liz Please advise anyone wanting to donate family pictures or mementos to local historical museums or libraries to be sure to label each photo with the date, location where the picture was taken, the names of everyone in the photo, ages of each, if known, and the relationships such as Sunday school teacher, aunt, best friend, etc. Local historical societies can't be expected to play guessing games with pictures. They have neither the staff nor the time. What is precious to your family, may be one of thousands of pictures of the local park on opening day in 1950.
12
@Goldenpony It is unrealistic to ask someone who does not even know who is in the photos or when exactly they were taken to do so. Photos cab be mysterious and also of value.
4
On #2 - giving away free tickets is standard at any ticketed event, and the trade off calculation is that the tickets would otherwise be unsold and so have zero value to the provider (the usual metaphor used talks about an unsold tomato.) If they can generate goodwill and an enthusiastic audience, this is a plus. I strongly suspect that the boss's requests are for tickets that would otherwise be unsold. Asking for free tickets that might be sold is an entirely other transaction, and if assigned to an assistant indicates a significant power imbalance between the requestor and the grantor.
11
LW1, while (one assumes) sincere and well-intentioned, fails to grasp that their methodology may be a bigger issue than the point he or she is trying to make. For example, "I have struggled my entire life to confront them" (confronting someone is not the same as discussing an issue), "I have to defend my...stances" (why not? should other just accept or accede to what you say?) or "Do I owe it to my aunt to explain that her costume is racist? (I your opinion, but not necessarily a fact or what her intention is, and "explaining" can come across as condescension).
Like many young and ardent devotees to a position or cause, the writer seems to "know" they are right in their beliefs; that may or may not be the case, depending on the situation, but as one gets older one realizes that not everything in the world is black and white, and others do not always act or believe in a particular way out of malice or racism or meanness. Perhaps being less judgmental and willing to discuss things in a more constructive way as Mr. Apppiah suggests is a better path forward.
220
Definitely offer it to the sibs before putting it up on ebay. I personally would prefer my childhood pix not be in someone's random collection.
133
"Today, my aunt sent me a selfie. In it, she is dressed in a “costume” portraying a person of color."
I think "portrayal" is an important concept, here. As Appiah points out, when a visitor to Ghana wears a ntoma, it is typically a gesture of affection and admiration. One assumes such a visitor is not "portraying" someone from Ghana. In real life (i.e. not the movies), detecting an act of portrayal may often be what leads a person to view the situation negatively. I don't think it's inherently wrong or even misguided to portray a person from another culture, but doing so becomes much more fraught.
32
Toss the pictures, LW3. Why stir up anything w/estranged family members for some long-forgotten photos of an ex-husband who died 2 decades ago? Although there are some people who are the designated historians of their family & welcome pics of people they can't even identify, most of us tend to downsize & rid ourselves of anything but the most cherished pieces as we grow older. Keeping one or two photos of someone who was once important in our lives is reasonable, but these siblings don't sound like the photos would bring them joy.
Photos are losing their value as the treasured mementos they once were - they're social media fodder. Two decades from now, we'll be able to look back on our phones or whatever technology is available to see now only what just about anyone we know looked like, but what they did 24/7.
11
@knitfrenzy - Info on phones is transient, I'm afraid, gone with the cloud. Photos are forever.
8
@knitfrenzy I'd say that was pretty presumptuous. Just because you'd feel a certain way doesn't mean another would. The idea is to put yourself in THEIR shoes, not put them in YOURS. What would be the harm in asking the family? It is a kind gesture
10
@knitfrenzy It's not for you to decide, any more than it would be for you to decide to throw away a pile of money. In other words you may have the right to "toss the pictures", but you would be wrong to do so.
10