‘They Pronounced Me Safe and Then Started Commenting About the Place’

@Rob You would not believe what they get for a new Timex these days. I certainly was.

@Alan Feigenbaum The bus was going that way non-stop regardless. It was unexpectedly nice that the transit worker would ask if they could put one passenger aboard. The whole point was that the route had gotten behind schedule and they needed to inject another bus into the route so that riders would not be subjected to unexpected delays.

@BKLYNJ Suggestion: don't read it. As must be abundantly clear from the comments, many, many people cherish Metropolitan Diary.

@BKLYNJ I don't, and have never, lived in New York City, and I treasure these tiny stories of daily life. I grew up in a very rural area. I went to university in a major city, but not New York. This is so different from anything I ever knew. It's always a treasure. I love to step off the curb, ever so briefly, into New York. How sad that you don't know what you have. What a WONDERFUL waste of my time!

@BKLYNJ I was waiting to cross the street one day when I saw a someone step off the curb and - despite the warnings of the people around him - step in a pile of something just off the edge of the sidewalk. Curiously, instead of stopping to scrape the unidentified goo off the bottom of the shoe, the pedestrian pulled down their pants and showed their naked rear end to everyone in sight.

@J Thanks for the haiku.

@Kathryn Or..........abandon his bowtie. LOL. Took a lot of years to realize - he'd made quite a sacrifice for me.

@arjay A watch is a tool or at most, a fashion accessory. But a bow tie is a lifestyle statement!

@Tom Of course they did!

@Ethan The Con Ed workers are union employees also.

Lawyers say it's always about the money. Even when it's not about the money, it'a about money! In that first story, though, it was about the cookies. Whatever they came to actually do, they were hoping for some of those white-chocolate macadamia nut cookies. When a batch of cookies or baked goods of any sort is right, there's nothing like it.

@Passion for Peaches People like free cookies?

@yl - regarding "People like free cookies?" There's something about free food. It happens pretty much anytime tasty stuff like Ring Dings or Yodels get put out near the coffee area in any office I've worked in, even with people who could easily afford to buy themselves the finest desserts from the finest bakeries if they just took the elevator downstairs. We all seem to show up with our coffee cups to get our 75 cents worth of Hostess or Drake's baked goods.

@Tiny Terror Your comment made me focus on your use of the word 'human'. If not human what else would we humans be? The collective hubris of our particular species has imbued even this simple adjective with special meaning...

@Shahbaby There is a wide variation of the physical and psychological characteristics of humans. To say one is "human" generally means that one is socially amenable, perhaps with flaws that can be forgiven. Psychopaths are not usually embraced by the descriptive "human".

@Duke Briscoe If you've folks with narcissistic personality disorder or psychopathy, they are very human. They certainly aren't humane. The problem is not their humanity, it's their inability to recognize and cherish yours. They know the difference between right and wrong. They simply don't care.

@Jonathan Katz Same experience here. I have some nice watches, obtained over the years while I was working and needing to appear presentable. But really, they are just jewelry. Some required periodic battery changes. Now, in retirement I wear one of two solar powered Casios, one analog, one digital. They keep time perfectly and no battery changes. Works for me.

@Jonathan Katz I have a black plastic Casio Lithium 5 which a close friend gave to me back around 1982 when its strap broke and he wasn't in the mood to keep it. I've had it since then (sans strap), keeping it around in a drawer or sitting on my home desk, on rare occasions checking it; it is still keeping the time and date. It continues to run after about 5 battery changes. Etc. etc.

@M. G. - awwwwww, thank you for sharing:))

@Paulie, I had to fly on the first day the airlines started running after the nationwide shutdown post-9/11. It was the oddest experience. Just a handful of very somber, tense passengers, and grim faced cabin crew. We were told we could sit anywhere, but everyone chose to huddle together in the premium seats at the front. There was no conversation. And I was pretty sure that the person sitting next to me was an air marshall packing a gun.

@Paulie I've been the only person on a plane as well. Charlotte to Mongomery. It was a tiny plane, too. It was terrifying as the flight was bumpy. I suspect that being alone, or mostly alone--on a flight as always eerie as heck, regardless. Being one of the first flights after 9/11 had to be heavily weighted with emotion and dread @Passion for Peaches.

Dear SK, A lovely story which evokes memories in me too of those paper transfers and of the machines which processed the coins. I particularly remember that there was a metal tray at the bottom with small round holes which would let only the dimes fall through. The drivers all used to wear those metal coin dispensers on their belts. I also remember at the 1973 Senate Watergate hearings that “bag man” Anthony “Tony” Ulasewicz testified that at a certain point he had to make so many calls from pay phones that he had to wear “a bus guy’s coin changer.” Thanks for bringing back these memories SK and for your own fond recollections of your good-natured bus driver friend Vic. Stay well. Allen

@SK Attending school in NYC sounds fantastic, what a wonderful story - a HS teacher out in the suburbs

@Allen Good God, I thought I was the only person alive who remembered the unsung Tony Ulasewicz, with his unbreakeable New Yawk accent.

May I say, this feature keeps on giving through the comment community. I return to it until no new remarks appear. I read the diary aloud to anyone who will give me an ear. Well, I guess I gauge whether or not they may be receptive. So far, no one has been put out. This is so much nicer than Facebook. Everyone is my friend here. Happy thanksgiving!

@William LeGro, yes, a part of the Doary's unique appeal to me has been that (except for the poems) the column strives to only have true stories. But "Express Bus" is one of those rare stories that would haunt me even if it were fiction, a product of a writer's imagination. That it really happened, with that name for the driver, will make the story stay with me a long time.

@anne - "an ad for a beautiful Salvatore Ferragamo watch" I couldn't afford that, but I can hum about it for free. Tune of “Fascinating Rhythm” (maybe Ella's timeless version) Ferragamo watches, I'm buying some to wear Ferragamo watches, A chance was missed here. I hear they're in style now – Though I don't know or care I just want her smile now Let’s dress my wrist here. This morning, I was riding the train She was staring, Like she's caring - I flirted but it all was in vain She wrote me - Get a watch that's dressy, Your arm is such a mess. I felt all distress-y Devoid of charm now. She seemed so fantastic I'm longing to impress So I ditch that plastic - Banned from my arm now. Oh how I long to make that gal Have time for me Ferragamo watches I hope she’ll like what she’ll see

Dear Freddie, Absolutely delightful; thanks for the smile. You’re the top!! Be well, Allen

@anne Those fancy watches aren't accurate.

@AJ Agreed. Though in some way the mystery is strangely satisfying.

@AJ, yeah, right? I wondered, too. The funny thing is that story brings up an unfortunate truth about books on analyzing or deconstructing fiction. They are too often written by people who aren’t great writers themselves. Word soup. But I do sympathize with that novelist! And I applaud him for being gracious about the teasing putdown. I once gushed over a short passage from a novel (it was not an “important” work, and it was written by a very successful woman who pompous men tended to dismiss as a chick lit writer, but the descriptive writing was solid), and was rudely shot down by a man I was talking to — a bitter, underachieving academic at a lower tier school. A man who said he had no time to read, but nevertheless had his own half baked manuscript tucked in the bottom drawer of his desk. (a of course he did!) In other words, he was a type. I was deeply hurt by his dismissive, diminishing insult, but I should have just laughed it off and considered the source. So, unnamed author of some acclaim, I say to you, “Well played.”

@Passion for Peaches Here's a dirty little secret of publishing: "Literary Fiction" is actually its own genre. Those who write in this genre, typically have MFAs and are either professors or Adjuncts (professor wannabes). Their you-know-what don't smell, and the stuff of all the Commercial Fiction Authors--you know, the ones who write for $$$--DOES. I once attended a book signing by a local author, of some note. I asked her how you went about getting those close to you to validate you as "real writer." She was selling tens of thousands of copies of each of her cozy mysteries, a solid mid-list writer. She was also a local literature professor at Vanderbilt University. The faculty, one day, was discussing bringing in a few "good authors" to talk to their creative writing students about the publication process. You know, a "real" How to Get Published seminar. She said, "Well gee, I wish we had someone who was published on the faculty." And the response was sheepish lip-biting, "Well, you know, we want a 'real author.'" Someone who didn't just write "little mysteries." She confided to us--there was just me and my friend--she made more from her "little mysteries," than she did as a professor. My take away from this was, twofold: 1) You have to validate YOURSELF. No one else is going to do it, especially the people closest to you. My mother and (ex)husband never did. 2) Literary and commercial fiction are different worlds. Ne'er the twain do meet.

Well, you spoiled it. You managed to insert T—-p into this week’s Diary.

@Trombenik Tarp? Trip? Trap? Tamp? Don't know what you're talking about.

@Liz DiMarco Weinmann Dear Ms DiMarco Weinmann, I do not understand how Gus is a diminutive for Costantino. The diminutive in Italian would actually be Tino. And some think that Costantino is actually a diminutive for Costante! At any rate, I greatly enjoyed reading about the trials and tribulations of outings with your mother. I wish I could have seen her shouting at the waitstaff in Italian. Definitely something to see! Tante belle cose, Anne from Rome

@anne "Gus" likely derives from the first syllable of "Costantino:" "Cos." Diminutives in America may be formed differently than in Italy. Different places, different languages, different ways. For that matter, the Greek "Constantinos" is always rendered as "Gus" in American English.

@Liz DiMarco Weinmann on a sib visit to Vegas many years ago, a favorite vacation spot of our deceased Dad's, my brother, sister and I spotted an absolute ringer for our father sitting at a slot machine. The tears flowed.

@Sivaram Pochiraju - retarding "Anna Moine must have felt like a queen while travelling in that bus as if it belonged to her." There's this update of an old joke by (I think) the Barton Brothers. Three neighbors are talking about their children's husbands. "My son-in-law take the family everywhere by Acela." "My son-in-law takes the family everywhere by plane first class and then rents a helicopter." "Oh! Well, MY son-in-law, no matter where they have to go, no matter how far away, they always go by yellow taxi cab. door to door. They also take me everywhere, too." The other two are shocked and awed: "That's incredibly extravagant. It's $3.30 even before you even move." "No, it's not that bad. My son-in-law is a cab driver."

@Freddie ! Thanks for the laugh before midnight Monday!

@Freddie Didn't get a chance to read last week's diary until this morning. My crazy, bohemian mother and her equally crazy identical twin sister once took a cab from Westchester County to Gilgo Beach! And no, my husband was NOT a cab driver!

@Dean Robert Mueller still wears one!

@Penn Towers And so do I. I have two such - and found a seller for the bands that invariably break down after a few years.

@Dean "My Casio Keeps Getting the Job Done" https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/23/business/apple-watch-iphone-casio.html

@Broz - Fake watches and the desire for luxury watches was already known back in the early 1970s in "All inThe Family," when Archie Bunker bought a ONEGA watch ($6 value) in a parking lot, thinking he was getting a $300 OMEGA watch for only $25 from a friend. I think there the fun for him was saying how little he paid for it. I think the specific moral of the episode was don't buy anything in a parking lot, or more generally "If it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true." (as Yogi Berra might have said)

@Freddie A man I worked with years ago bought a watch in Atlanta Hartsfield from someone claiming to be a service member who was short of cash and needing to buy a ticket back to base. He paid $35 for a Bulova Accutron worth perhaps $150. Proud of himself, he showed it around the office until someone noted that in addition to the hum of the tuning fork it also ticked. Probably worth six bucks.

@Neelam, I seem to be the only person here who thought that was a very unkind thing the “well-dressed young woman” did. It was insulting, presumptuous and judgey. If the genders were reversed, and a man had handed a woman a note telling her she needed to upgrade her watch, her handbag or her shoes (all status signifiers), would the story be funny, or touching? I don’t think so. The correct thing to do if you see someone obviously feeling good about themselves is to say something that supports their confidence.

@Passion for Peaches Absolutely agree!

@Passion for Peaches Agreed. I thought that presumption, etc. was the point of the story. And it began with the man who presumed that, with his confidence in his nice clothes, a strange woman would give him her name and phone number.

@Trombenik I have a very old model Casio women's count-down timer watch that is incredibly useful in the lab and in the kitchen and is very compact. I've bought them in lots of 3 because I'm terrified that one day, Casio will stop making them. I recently met another woman scientist who does the same thing. It's very hard to find a woman's watch that is useful but not huge. The Casio isn't glamorous but at least it isn't aggressively ugly. And it's dirt-cheap.

@els This old man who cries at weddings realizes that those nice happy kids have no idea of what life will throw at them.

@Al in Pittsburgh Hi Al in Pittsburgh, What you write has me thinking about both young and then mature love & marriage in Shakespeare. For those quintessential young lovers we have Romeo & Juliet, who never really knew each other, never traveled on a path together, unlike even Hamlet & Ophelia, who can't seem to get it right, leading to her self-drowning. Alas... Beatrice & Benedict of Much Ado flirt and spar and will probably have an interesting, if tempestuous marriage, as do Bolingbroke/Henry IV with his French Princess Kate. The best young married lovers in the plays, I think are Hotspur & Elizabeth--we can feel the hot, torrid passion between them--and, my favorite, rebel leader Owen Glendower's beautiful young daughter who speaks no English but sings to her new husband Mortimer in Welsh through the long night on the eve of a fatal battle. These women have much to cry about I think. But for us, the long-married, we have some dreadful examples: faithless Gertrude, horrible King Leontes who abuses his Queen Hermine, and the romantically dependent Thane of Cawdor and his Lady. Longest married are the Duke and Duchess of York who plead on arthritic knees for Henry IV to spare the life of their wanton young son. But Shakespeare's best pair of older lovers are Antony & Cleopatra, who never married but have become whole continents, then planets orbiting the spheres of each other as they age and bid life farewell. And yes, their lover story is indeed a "weeper." Elissa

@els - Catching up on my Met Diaries-Glad to hear you are recovering from your eye surgery- and that you are in your typically good spirits! Jeanne

@Allen, I'll have to look at that story again. I found it one of those stories that have been feel-not-so-good. I've known for decades that qualifications for work or romance or anything have been affected by footwear (since the Imelda Marcos days of shoes being discussed detail). It never occurred to me before today that a watch could affect opportunities. So I guess the well-dressed woman was being helpful, and I truly hope well-meaning, rather than trying to have an edge to what she did. I'll look at it again later from your perspective. Meanwhile, I'll go listen to the oldiemhot sing :"Does anybody really know what time it is?":)

Dear Freddie, I certainly see what you mean and confess I had not thought of viewing the entry from that perspective. My “Shawshank Redemption”-era neckties clearly reveal me to be no fashionista! Stay well and enjoy. Allen

@Allen - thinking about this way more than anyone really should think about a Diary item, I guess putting value on someone because of their watch (or shoes0 is not less superficial than putting value in someone because of being handsome or pretty, or being six-foot-two rather than five-foot-two. And yet we regularly feel someone less attractive should understand their place in approaching more attractive, don't we, and think that's the proper order of life? On the other hand, a headhunter once told me that for sedentary jobs like bookkeepers and accountants, potential employers really don't want any indication that their worker spends two hours at the gym every day and may prefer the chubby married candidate to a chiseled single candidate for that jo. I thought of that when I used to read how Mayor de Blasio took three hours a day for working out in Brooklyn, starting his work day after 11 - he looks great, almost stunningly fit for late 50s, really he does, but he's our Mayor, he's not a stripper - I just want him to do his job, LOL, and his working out really gets in the way.