Kids,
I finished the New York Marathon three days ago at the tender age of 72.
Feeling very strong in spirit.
887
@Jane McKenny Louik Congratulations! That is so awesome. Shooting for the first one myself, at 50. I guess I have a few years!
32
@Jane Congratulations on your accomplishment!
23
@Jane McKenny Louik Most inspirational post; thank you.
24
She's so cute! They look happy!
11
This "opinion" piece, by a sadly shallow 30-year-old, is both in sync and out of sync with our times: the value of authenticity has diminished during our current administration, but has also brought out social movements long overdue, including #metoo. The author here doesn't even understand that 30 is young, so it'll be a stretch to encourage her to embrace living a life that embraces authenticity and leverages the bonuses aging can bring. Anyone who has enough money to spend on the frivolity of plastic surgery and even botox should stop looking in the mirror and fantasizing about eternal youth, and instead should look out their window to see the crushing needs of real people trying to live their lives to the fullest. Cancel the botox and bridal gown appointments and do something real for others: you'll be surprised how beautiful that will make you look and feel.
194
I thought this article was laugh out loud funny yet sad. I was looking forward to an article from a woman my age about accepting looking older, and instead it's by a 30 something who's going to get botox! The entire essay defines women in terms of their sexual attractiveness. Here's a piece of news: Once you hit 55 as a woman, you may have not have interest and good riddance! Menopause has a way of killing your sex drive and guess what, when you're not hungry, food doesn't look good. You're not interested in dating Keanu Reeves, Leonardo DiCaprio or anyone else. Something else the author doesn't know is that there's little comparison between 46 and 55 because 46 is usually pre-menopause. The fact this essay was farmed out to a 30 something tells me that women my age are indeed invisible to the editors of this newspaper.
290
Struggling against the inevitable is a suckers game. All the anxiety, all the expense, all the superficial values imposed by our "culture" to sustain some semblance of everlasting youth is a waste of time. And it gets in the way of living.
40
People like what they like. If it makes you happy to be with a younger or older woman then do it. who cares what anyone else thinks
17
As someone who's gotten to an age at least half of my family never reached -- my aunt who died at 48, my other aunt who died at 56, my two first cousins who each died upon reaching 58, another cousin who died at 64, a distant but close cousin who died at 23 -- and I'm rapidly catching up to my dad and grandfather who died at 70 -- I think that this whole business of trying to look younger than you are is pretty stupid.
Live as wisely, happily, and healthily as you can for as long as you can. Gray hair and wrinkles are nothing compared to what we look like after being in our coffins awhile.
78
This girl looks great! What kind of a ridiculous cultural world do we now live in when someone in their mid 40's is considered old? Oh how I wish I were in my 40's again when, looking back, my meaningful life was just beginning.
82
Botox doesn’t make you appear younger, it makes you appear to have had Botox.
239
Richard Gere just had a baby with his young wife. He’s 70. Ron Perlman just filed for divorce from his wife of four decades to be with his young “costar.” Alec Baldwin’s young wife is perpetually pregnant, as is Eddie Murphy’s. The interesting part is that the wives/mistresses of these men, who are in their 50s, 60s, and 70s, are all interchangeable blondes in their 20s.
44
Who cares what celebrities think and do. Just live your life your way and stop paying attention to the shallowest segment of society.
59
So skip the Botox?
13
Some zillionaire in Hollywood is seen maybe dating a woman with grey hair. This story somehow makes the NYT.
Huh...
Even weirder, people with no connection to Hollywood or zillionaire money are seeing this random photo as reflecting somehow on their own lives, their own aging.
Slow news day or are we a bit narcissistic? Most of us will never meet Reeves or Grant or anyone like them. How is this a story?
56
Alex Grant was a classmate of mine in college and in several of my art classes, so I showed this picture to my 10 year old daughter sort of bragging that I knew her. My daughter's only reaction, without the benefit of all of society's deranged baggage about how women are supposed to look, was "she's really pretty".
How stupid the rest of us are.
118
If the woman's hair weren't this color, the story would not have been written.
109
Would this even be a discussion let alone an article if their hair color were reversed? This is 2019 not 1950 for heavens sake. She is rockin her natural hair color like so many other women, including myself, have chosen to do.
62
This article is such a missed opportunity. Alexandra Grant is an amazing artists and a wonderful example of how articulate an artist can be. Listen to her on the podcast Why? Philosophical Discussions About Everyday Life, where her status as “age-appropriate” are candy (barf) isn’t her measure of worth: https://philosophyinpubliclife.org/2015/10/12/text-as-image-image-as-text-how-one-artist-uses-language-to-combine-art-and-literature-with-alexandra-grant/
52
Good Lord, are women STILL obsessing over this? We all get old, get over it and try to enjoy yourselves. While you can.
42
Why does this author, or anyone else, need to look at a Hollywood celebrity to believe it's okay to embrace looking her age?
27
I'm 62 and sex is still a wonderful thing, but beauty is truth and you get that when you are old. Sexier is youth, Them's the breaks. Now it's "we're still doing it," not "we're doing it eight times a day."
http://www.the criticalmom.blogspot.com
6
With everything going on in this country and the world I found this article to be very shallow and out of touch with the essence of life. Get over your wretched self and focus on inner vision instead of what the external reality has decided you need to be or look like.
38
Skip the Botox. Within a couple of years your face will be lumpy and immobile. And that's if everything goes right. Good grief, girl, what are you thinking?
22
She looks 60 not 46.
8
The transformation is now complete. The NY Times is a gossip sheet on par with People Magazine. Who cares about her age? I wish more women would let go of the false narrative of "how they appear". From a biological stance, young women are at their "peak" during ideal pregnancy years. Men don't really lose their "looks" as they can father at any age.
20
Society, young lady, is constantly attempting to make you feel bad and you are its accomplice in this endeavor. Cut it out.
42
Thanks so much, Ali, for letting me know that at age 61 it's okay with you how I look. The thing is, as we move through our more grown-up stages of life, we women seem to become empowered not to give a darn what you think. As a matter of fact, we laugh at you in your four-inch heels (cultural appropriation of Chinese foot-binding) and your Brazilian waxing and your Botox injections. You're wasting your lives, whippersnappers.
66
funny how Keanu has no grey hair, unlike his date
19
Get a grip girl! You are in you thirties and using fillers and botox? You have no idea what is coming. It is time to put less value on your looks and youth and more on your character and abilities or you are going to spend the next 60 years very very unhappy.
I'm 62. My hair is gray, my face is wrinkled, my breasts sag and I've got stretch marks from 4 pregnancies. Last month I rode my bike 85 miles with a friend who was celebrating his 85th birthday--I had a hard time keeping up with him. Judging people by their looks and age is shallow and ignorant.
'Feminists' like you who buy into the consumer beauty culture as if self worth comes in a bottle (or needle) need to do a little soul searching. It takes courage to swim against the current and courage to face your own hypocrisy. How are things ever going to change if the liberal NY Times is celebrating the fact that a man will date a woman only 10 years younger than him, one with gray hair and wrinkles. If thats a victory for women then Malala Yousafzai should give her Nobel to Keanu.
63
46??? I want to see Ms Grant's birth certificate.
Looks a whole lot younger too me.
Maybe she put her age up to make Mr Reeves feel better?
11
He dyes his hair. Apparently she doesn't...
20
I find your glib objectification of Ms. Grant wholly inappropriate and repellent. She has a whole history, an intellectual life, a sense of humor, family, a unique destiny to fulfill. In a few short paragraphs you've reduced her to a cardboard cutout onto which you've projected your own feelings of fear and inadequacy - feeling doubtlessly rooted in a sad, all too prevalent, male-identified values system that has warped your thinking and innumerable women like you through the ages. Stop looking in the mirror altogether and start reviewing your thought processes and how much space you give to nonsense like this.
71
Older men dating or marrying much younger women? Blame it on
Viagra.
6
If they're happy, what's the problem? And whose business is it anyway? (A thought: shall we criticize French PM Macron's wife for her 25-years-younger husband?) Next topic, please.
14
She looks happy to be holding his hand. Her happiness should have some value in an allegedly free society. He appears to experience genuine chemistry in her presence he is either blushing or has that look men get or he has high blood pressure, he appears like flushed xo in the pic.
Her happiness and consent should be of some value ...
5
wrinkles! grey hair! yay! and jowls! lets embrace jowls so we don't keep altering ourselves to look like the joker! And drooping eyelids so we don't look perpetually startled!
10
I can't believe this is an article. first, you don't know they're dating. second...ok just a massive eye roll.
29
It's astonishing and sad that The New York Times could not see fit to comment on anything beyond Ms. Grant's looks and age. She is gorgeous but that's besides the point. I suspect she is a rather interesting woman too. But we'll never know ...
40
Yes, but he's the old one, not her. God almighty women just can't win.
34
What an annoying article. A young woman acknowledging botox for her wedding. Have you gazed at the faces with no expression, ie those who start modifying appearances at a young age. A certain president's daughter for example. And Mr. Reeves's companion is very attractive. Seems arrogant to suggest this attractive and, in my opinion, youthful woman looks older than her age. Did you consider how she might feel upon reading your personal observations; too bad nytimes decided the article is front page news. I'm sure the writer is a smart young woman, but yes you are impolite. Now in my 70s, a new neck would be wonderful but surgery scares me more..so far.
19
THIS is what prompted you to embrace your age? Seriously.
16
I feel that this should have been written by an age-appropriate author.
52
"All the news that's fit to print’ really? We now live in a country where Donald Trump was elected PONTUS and opinion pieces such as this one are published in the NYT. This says much less about the President and this author than it does about current American culture. Ask yourself, why did so many people vote for Trump and why did the NYT staff select this writer for publication? Thank God for the solicitude of your daily readership. The comments on this opinion piece are much more insightful, reflective, and interesting than the article itself.
30
Ali—this is a great thought, and I applaud your intentions. However, as a woman of 64, I stopped reading when I saw you were “...just entering your thirties.” Sister, you haven’t seen anything yet. Good luck (and just love yourself).
Mary
668
Tell me again why I should care that a not-so-talented actor with a terrible beard is dating a woman with wrinkles?
11
In your 30s and you're looking for botox? Seriously?!
23
This article is simply dismal. Are we still living in the 1950s?
42
You’re in your 30’s and planning on Botox for your wedding photos??? Your face, your choice, but as a woman approaching 60 who has never gotten cosmetic procedures, I am guessing you don’t need it.
25
"She looks forty-six", what does that mean? Maybe you should re-examine that statement, what does age 46 look like anyway?
33
Seriously? Keanu thinks she’s pretty enough so you do to? What an extraordinary feminist.
26
The writer lost me at “age-appropriate”.
Sorry Ms Drucker, Leonardo DiCaprio and his girlfriend or girlfriends are adults and are free to date each other if that’s what makes them happy. They do not need your blessing to make decisions about their romantic life, and your judgmental attitude only signals your own insecurity and reflects poorly on you.
11
This article feels heavily sexist despite it's pretenses otherwise. The writer is shopping around for botox, and in her 30's while critiquing a woman's appearance older then her, and it just feels off. Perhaps this shouldn't be an article about how Ms. Grant looks but what it is she does, who she is and not just that she doesn't dye her hair.
42
how silly. This is a young woman according to my eyes. These days at 46 many women give birth. She's prematurely white is all.
7
Okay? Why the gossip? She is hot. I assume Reeves is hot to many women (and men). What is the big deal?
5
if you need to get your esteem from pop culture you're in trouble.
13
Well, yeah...beautiful women are just that....beautiful. Age, schmage...beauty is beauty.
6
46 is "old" now?
21
Leonardo DiCaprio= more shallow
Keanu Reeves= less shallow!
Sorry Leo.
5
To everyone who thinks that she looks older than 46: No, she doesn't. She looks 46. This is what 46 looks like. She looks absolutely lovely.
Too many people have forgotten what middle-age women look like, because we've been deluged by images of dyed, filler-ed, Botox-ed, and surgically altered women. And silver hair doesn't make people look older than they are; you're just not used to seeing it.
You want to know what middle-age looks like? You want to stop holding women to ridiculous standards and start accepting them as they are? Then Google for pics of men in their 40s, 50s, 60s, etc. Look at their skin tone, or lack of it; look at their skin texture.
Let's get OVER this nonsense for once and for all! Such a waste of time, energy, and money; such a ridiculous use of chemicals that our bodies, and the Earth, would be better off without.
PS to the AU: Although I deplore the mega age-gaps that always work against women, after age 45, 10 or 11 years isn't ... horrible. At least they have a fairly similar frame of reference.
19
There is a difference. Mr. Reeves doesn't send jets to Israel to pick up 22 year old models and then say he is pro-environment. Mr. Decpario does and needs to get a life.
18
This could be the most depressing article I’ve read for a long time, and we all know there have been some doozies. 30? Wedding? Botox? Get a grip and get out of your unhappy culture bubble before you get stuck there.
28
She is 46. He is 55.
The NYT usually deals with more substantial issues.
22
what a sad, pathetic way to feel inspired and accomplished. do you really need this validation? and while you're at it run through a list of others you must put down? what a terrible example for future generations you are.
18
"A part of me feels decidedly anti-feminist writing about another woman’s appearance..."
You should have gone with that.
43
Let's be honest. It's the hair. If her hair were blond this story would never have been written. However, she's chosen to let her hair go naturally gray and therefore, looks "older" than we expected. This is a sad statement on superficial perceptions. I can't believe the NYT published this.
27
Oh my... the author is just entering her 30s. At twice her age, my reaction is that she has no idea what she is writing about! How could she? Botox at 30??? Of course a part of her feels guilty for writing this “anti-feminist story”. It is anti-feminist. Dear author, please step out of your bubble. There are many of us 60 year olds who are sexy, vital, with our wrinkles and hot looking boyfriends!
32
I find this article revolting. In this day and age are we still so shallow and backward that we waste newspaper space to discuss a woman's age? Ugh.
29
And the irony is that Keanu dyes HIS hair....
18
I believe that a couple should date each other based on their mutual desire to enter into a relationship. It's really not anyone's business but their own in how they choose to represent themselves while in that relationship.
If Leo is successful dating twenty somethings that are bangin' hot it's because Leo has something to offer that they want. And he'll keep fishing for hotties until the day he dies. If you don't like it, go find another guy who wants you in the way you need to be wanted.
1
The fact that this article even exists is problematic.
30
This is a silly column. The photo tells it all. She is a lovely woman who looks as if she is very fond of Keanu. Maybe that is quite nice after a lifetime of being a movie star.
7
News flash: there's a lot of men dating or heavens!!! Married to "age appropriate" women. Women who are ok with looking it and not obsessed with Melania-esque efforts to hide it. Why is this news?
7
Stop calling yourself a feminist if you’re not. Admit to your raging hypocrisy, and stop blaming men. I bet your fiancé didn’t tell you to get Botox. Your insecurity and superficiality is all yours. And how rich that at the same time as you’re getting Botox, you’re criticizing women who get facelifts or actors who date young women.
41
The fact that this article is currently "trending" near the very top of the Opinion pieces explains a lot.
5
This article is sad in so many ways.
18
Um, maybe he's not dating her entirely for her looks. Did that occur to you?
587
I’m in my mid-40’s and am excited by Keanu’s progressiveness. I’m also honest enough to admit I’m happy I look younger than his girlfriend, except for my rapidly developing turkey neck. But Botox in your early 30’s? That’s a thing? I’m sure your wedding photos and honeymoon pics will look even better without it. Really, please, skip that.
8
I encouraged my girlfriend to stop dying her hair and let the grey come in. She looks great!
6
Keanu Reeves looks 55 because -well- he’s 55. Seems like he isn’t obsessed with plastic surgery and liposuction like many other film stars - male and female.
I don’t think women need to judge other women who color their hair, wear makeup or have their eyes done. You should do what makes you happy and if gently altering your outsides to match the age you feel inside, then go for it. Some women are comfortable with white hair and wrinkles and they look terrific. The idea is to be relaxed and happy with yourself - at all stages of life. It’s that quality that makes people appealing. It’s hard enough to be female in this world of ours. Women do not need to tear each other apart or put each other down
Keanu Reeves has experienced hardship. If he has found a good person to share his life with, we should be happy for him. Trust me. He doesn’t give two hoots about what we think of his choice. May they be well and be happy.
9
"She's 68 but says she's 54."
Now if you're old enough to know that reference, you really have something to worry about.
1
I have known Alex since she was in her thirties and she was grey back then, having gone grey very young. Additionally, she is known in LA much more as an innovative multi-dimensional artist than " Keanu Reeves " girlfriend. You headline is just so.... well People magazine. What should make you feel more comfortable about getting older is becoming a better writer. Talent is what Alex is made of...not her grey hair and lack of fillers. Please.
55
Am I the only one that was surprised when Ms Drucker stated that Keanu Reeves is dating someone "his own age". And that Ms Grant is 9 years younger. ???
17
There is still a nearly 10 yr age difference so I am not sure why Keenu gets a pass here.
8
You have entered your 30s? Ha.
I find people who have used Botox or had plastic surgery rather frightening looking.
14
Ummmm ... a female writer entering her 30's applauds a 46-year-old woman for looking like she's somewhere between 46 and 55? An inane rubbernecking piece like this does the exact opposite of what it purports to celebrate.
19
Come on! She looks older than 46. You're really stretching it here in looking for empowerment that it only feels phony.
And by the way, you pull out three women of color as your comparisons to Ms. Grant, really? I think some of that has to do with genetics.
2
“Of course Keanu has an age-appropriate girlfriend,” the writer Britt Hayes said in a viral tweet echoing a typical response to the news. “He is a Good Man.”
What utter nonsense!
5
Only one comment here: Emmanuel And Brigitte Macron.
11
Plastic surgery makes actors look like mannequins. Enough.
We actually age as time passes. It's natural.
Strange this is a story at all.
7
Ooooh an age appropriate partner. What a load of codswallop.
My appropriate age partner is 12 years younger then I am. We have raised a family and our children are now married adults and we do not try to keep up with the nonsense of other people deciding what is an acceptable age difference for adults in a relationship.
9
This piece has nothing to do with the world i'm living in.
22
Please, Ms. Drucker, grow-up and not just age.
21
Ms. Drucker, you ARE concerned with growing older despite your saying otherwise. Why? Because growing older IS looking older!!! You are so concerned with your looks at age 30 you are looking for premarital botox to somehow show your husband you are really younger than he thinks you are. So can I assume when you are 50 you will still be shopping for the fountain of cosmetic youth. To paraphrase, it isn't the years in your face but how you face the years that matters.
10
Such prejudices and contempt for people who make their own decisions to marry or older men and what cynicism and contempt for men who date and marry younger women. Of course it sexsim becuase you don't hear this when an man dates and marries and older women. My wife is 4 1/2 years older than me. Women keep monkey screaming about a culture that degrades them and yet seem quite happy to do the same to men.
2
I would have thought the writer would have dug a bit deeper and tried to dispel the ageist mentality inherent in Hollywood.
Being 30 and in fear of ageing, or at least of showing it, is the premise of this article and yet you don't deal with your childish need to "Botox" your face for your upcoming wedding.
I've chosen to age well. I live in the body I was born with and leave my face and hair alone. Why would I bow to the artificial pressures that surround me to look and act like a female in her late teens or early twenties forever?
5
This kind of honesty doesn't make it better IMHO. It's patronizing... Look at the terrible choices I've made and look at this Amazing Person (sweet little fairy at the bottom of the garden) who didn't. My! on the arm of Keanu Reeves! And please don't revisit this again in five years when I'm still supporting blatantly sexist tropes about women with my Botox and filler and liposuction and plastic surgery. If Ali had cancelled her appointment with the Botox, that would be something.
Here's how I'd write this article: Here we have a picture of a successful female artist in an era and country where that means something, holding the hand of a ratty looking older actor. Dude, brush your hair. She's got lots of choice - including men who are a lot younger than you.
4
I'm a man and call me crazy but she looks adorable and he looks like he could be homeless.
23
Just too much of a first world problem.
7
Brigitte Macron is 24 years older than her husband Emanuel Macron, the president of France. Just saying.....
3
Dear Miss Drucker,
Sorry you missed the point but there is considerably more to looking one’s age than gray hair.
If this lady behaved exactly the same, dressed the same, made her face up the same wearing the spec jewelry and the exact same hairstyle but had dyed that hair dark you wouldn’t have a case. Surely there’s something more newsworthy to write about than the hair color of a lady some movie star is dating. Did I accidentally subscribe to the National Inquirer?
10
He's too old for her.
7
Why are we judging Leonardo DiCaprio?
I thought this was a safe space.
6
The accidental misogyny in this article is very strong.
Why not write about Ms. Grant's brilliant artwork, rather than her hair color, age, and famous boyfriend? The NYTIMES even had to issues a correction because the author didn't even note her profession correctly. Geez.
This is the definition of objectification. Would the author have appreciated Ms. Grant's beauty if not for Keanu Reeves holding her hand?
Misogyny is frequently thought of as man's thing. But women judge themselves by judging other women in seriously unfortunate ways.
Maybe it's Keanu Reeves who is the lucky one here? (And many not just because he's got a girlfriend who looks good "at her age"?)
26
This piece is kind of pathetic. It reflects so much more about the insecurities of the author than it does about societal values. There are plenty of men married or in relationships with middle aged women (they're called wives) who look great even though they couldn't care less what any of the other men think. And certainly not the opinion of someone with such obvious insecurities as the author.
18
For gosh sakes leave them alone and deal with your own inadequacies, leaving them in peace.
12
Anyone looking to Keanu Reeves' girlfriend for validation seriously needs to get a life. Seriously.
17
If we want to be completely honest about the "war" between the sexes and Men's desire for younger women: Blame the big "guy" upstairs:
Throughout the animal kingdom (and humans ARE animals!) the male of EVERY species seeks out young, FERTILE females of his species. AND it is women 22-28 who are the most fertile, and physically healthy, nimble, and honestly attractive.
AND, I've seen $$$rich, powerful "older" women with younger guys on their arms!!!
2
This all seems highly insulting to this Ms.Grant.
20
Ms. Drucker stares at movie stars and genuinely feels relief, validation and a sense of hope from their behaviors and the New York Times thinks this is something adults should read? Is it any wonder a TV star was elected president. Shame on you all.
15
Sex, sex, sex. Dear writer: not all vivacity is sex, and not all identities are defined by it.
1
The author pointed out that Jennifer Lopez is 50.
Her fiancé is 44.
6
Once again I have to thank the Times for instructing us all about yet another kind of "appropriateness." I don't care if Reeves dates someone who "looks her age". I don't care if he dates a woman who is older or younger than he is or who looks older or younger. I don't care if he dates a black woman, or an Indian. I don't care if he decides to date another man. I don't care if he dates a cyborg custom built to fulfill his every fantasy.
I do care however about the Times'unending insistence that everything that heretofore had been considered personal is now political. I wish the Times would finally accept the fact that sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.
As Woody Allen has said "the heart wants what it wants." People may titter about the appropriateness of a relationship, but it's not the business of the New York Times to publish such moralizing even when it's written in such high minded prose.
Get back to the news.
10
"It matters to see a woman who possesses physical attributes that dermatologists, hair colorists and targeted ads on Instagram have long told me to change, cover up or prevent before they get worse. It would be nice to live without that burden."
I hope Ms Drucker can ease her "burden" by being successful in her quest to find "plastic surgeons who can do my Botox just right." I also hope she never has a daughter.
15
Who cares! Is this really what The NY Times is running as a story. People are free to do as they please! Date someone older, younger, richer, poorer, gayer, straighter, skinnier, etc. etc. Why in the world do we continue to worry about something that doesn’t matter. Especially when it comes to celebrities. And love. To each his/her/their own!
5
Sweety, what's wrong with wise, maternal role models? (Elizabeth Warren, Nancy Polosi, Gloria Steinem, RGG?) Also, dear, sex is not complex and it certainly does not define us. And, what is a jade roller? I suggest you start thinking loftier thoughts.
6
Call it grey, I call it the ‘New Blonde’
6
Ya know what? Nobody outside of high society cares. In the real world, older men date younger women, and older women date younger men, and it doesn't matter a fig the age of women that Keanu or Leanardo dates.
3
Quoting Saira Rao? One of the most hate-filled people on Twitter? Might as well throw in a Richard Spencer tweet
3
Really? You need Keanu’s girlfriend as inspiration to be comfortable with aging? That’s sad.
8
She looks 46?! Give me a break! I know ladies 65, who look younger than her!!!
2
Instead of opting for Botox or whatever for your wedding, spend the money on upgrading your honeymoon to BoraBora (everyone looks better in BoraBora), getting a great haircut and working with a makeup artist to find a great everyday look, maybe a nicer wedding gown, and spending some money on your hubby. Spend the effort on self improvement instead of chasing some illusive teenaged movie star's look. You can get in fantastic shape, for you, which will make you healthier and give you that glow ..
Trying to compete with movie stars or even worse, starting an arms race with your friends where everyone is competing to look younger and more perfect than each other will never amount to anything. At 40, 50, 60, 80 there is more to be proud of than not having crow's feet, if you are living your life right ..
You can either embrace looking your age, or fight it forever ..
4
I can't believe this is in the NYT. Actually I'm surprised this savvy artist is dating Keanu. He seems like an air-head, and has never been a very talented actor.
8
Worried about aging and botox in your 30s??? Life's going to be a long slog for you, Ali. Alert! We do age, and it can be awful or delightful. It's your choice. Sounds like you might be on the wrong track. Put all those worries, all that time, and all your gifted word craft into some thing worth worrying about. How about the aging of our beautiful planet? It needs all the worry, words, and action we can give it.
10
What’s wrong with being “wise and maternal?”
8
"A part of me feels decidedly anti-feminist writing about another woman’s appearance." This is where the writer should have stopped, re-read what she just wrote, and closed her laptop. Botox doesn't take away the stupid, apparently.
45
Wow. Really? The subtext of this article is this: "Alexandra Grant is good enough to land a hunk like Keanu Reeves who, by being her beau, validates her attractiveness".
Pathetic. And sad.
35
I don't want to read news articles that consist of "so and so tweeted this and then so and so tweeted that". This is the NYTimes, not People.com.
19
This article is ridiculous, especially coming from the head of a woman in her 30's. Lordy, stop trying to be somebody else's image of beauty and be overcome by gratitude for the age that you are, the body you have, and the abundant blessings that will come your way through your upcoming wedding. Please stop dwelling on fake movie-star beauty. What a horrible waste of your precious life!
22
Gee, Ali, it's not how you feel, but how you look, and you look marvelous...;-)
1
To be somewhat honest and crude: it's not between yours legs; it's what's between your ears.
7
Your article is so irritating, Ali.
Really.
You're obviously vain and shallow, talking about your "fillers" and, "I’ve been comparison-shopping for plastic surgeons who can do my Botox just right." Willing to inject all sorts of junk into your face because you're deathly afraid of looking your age.
You're just shy, if not over, being completely rude about Ms. Grant's appearance. She is absolutely adorable.
She looks natural, cheerful, smart, and interesting. I'm sure she is all those things to Keanu, too.
She has embraced herself and she is herself and she is beautiful.
You put her down, a shade her and a shade there, not blunt, but still quite clear in your negative message about her. You were critical of her and wrapped it in poor humor, you repeatedly talked about her age as a bad thing, but you puffed frilly words around it so we couldn't QUITE say you were being outrageously rude.
You owe Ms. Grant an apology. If you wrote about me what you wrote about her, I would be embarrassed and in tears.
A little thoughtfulness and kindness goes a long way.
I have only to look what you wrote in your silly piece to see why Keanu would greatly prefer Ms. Grant over you.
59
The fact that you are in your thirties and looking for Botox for your wedding made me laugh at first, then made me sad.
40
I find it frankly embarrassing that serious journalists (primarily female) seem to find this so swoon worthy. Is this really a big deal? Are we so desperate for validation that this has made major news? It’s like being back at high school again. Yuk.
16
That the NYT even sees fit to publish such nonsense! For many reasons, amongst which the intrusion & for trivial reasons on two people's lives. Some "opinions" are best kept to the dinner table, tipsy nights on the town - or better still to oneself!
16
I can’t wait for the day when it’s no longer ok for women who fancy themselves feminists to writer articles in the NYT dissecting other women’s appearances. You want to mine your insecurities for money? Great. But leave the rest of us out of it.
21
Botox at 30 on the eve of your marriage? Sounds like you're worried you're marrying Leo not Keanu. Run, girl, run.
15
You need a Hollywood Stars significant other to influence you to look your age???
I feel sorry for you.... Advertisers must be having a field day behind that forehead of yours.
10
Whoever is being dated by another person is... Basically none of anyone's business except for that person.
Age appropriate... Well... Do women now want to tell men who they are apposed to go out with?
Well, thanks for your suggestions, but mind your own company and bedroom, will you?
2
I cannot believe I started reading this article and it actually made it into the Opinion section of the NYT. It is downright creepy and way too confessional. Poor Ms. Grant and all this attention she is receiving. I know the Times wants to stay current but this isn't the way.
24
This headline is a really weird dig at her and it should have been caught.
16
Is this really where we are? How is this any different than talking about a 20-year-old's legs? I mean, really? You're able to be who you are because Keanu Reeve's girlfriend doesn’t dye her hair? This is where feminism is today? How about you stop objectifying women, regardless of their age, and go find yourself.
19
She's cute! Keanu's cool!..Just leave them alone....but that will never happen....not in the woke age...
1
When the nyt publishes articles like this it seems so silly. But thank you for focusing on late 40 something women, like myself. This must be the reason I finally found someone too.
3
Total nonsense by someone who needs to get comfortable with who they are.
8
I bet this couple doesn’t care one whit what the author—or any of us commenting—think. That’s the best part of being over 40.
5
A non-story. She's nine years younger, which is normal, and probably most common, in the real world. Not sure why this is NYT story, more suited to grocery store tabloids.
2
If you are in your thirties and thinking about botox, there is something very wrong with you.
13
Excuse me?
You're not on the verge of being impolite, in my opinion.
You are being impolite.
20
Jealousy is a bad thing, dear writer of this piece.
11
I find your comments annoying. Why do you have to write an article about the fact that she looks her age -- i.e., emphasize that aspect of her, it is patronising especially since you are in your 30s. I can't speak for her but if I were her I would find your article embarrassing.
13
Ali, I tried reading your opinion piece. But I found myself thinking, Why is this woman whining?
If only it were enough that you're alive, white, and self-centered. Now you present yourself as a quasi-authority on self-pity. Please grow up and accept that how other people live is no reflection on you.
And that in reality, living up to your expectations is in the scheme of things more important than vying for some aging boy's attention.
You're welcome.
7
Forget the Botox. Look for the new cosmeceuticals that radically increase collagen blur lines while leaving you look natural.
It's been working for me.
1
OMG!!! Age 46 -- "Looking Her Age"
What a pity that 46 is some how considered old.
17
"No, she’s not his age. But if I’m being honest in a way that perhaps verges on impolite, she looks like she could be close to it."
And you say you are on her side? So, she looks older than him and it offends your sensibilities but you gazed into your navel long enough to make the pronouncement that it is okay with you because it makes you feel better about your long in the future self Well good for you. Every woman over 46 doesn't know how they every lived without your approval.
I am sure Ms. Grant, a much, much better artist than you are cultural critic, could not care less about how her "mature" looks (that you are, thank you soo much, in awe of) fit into your malformed, self indulgent, completely condescending theories about your own aging. I always wondered if youth was wasted on the young and now I know the answer.
Really, NYT, please leave critiques of "middle aged and older women" to other "middle aged and older women" who have a better than fighting chance of saying something meaningful on the subject.
19
Let's talk about how Reeves looks - not a single letter about that in the article - sloppy, long, unstyled hair, and unshaven. He looks gross. Why don't we get astonished about why a beautiful woman like that is hanging with such a slob?
11
“A part of me feels decidedly anti-feminist writing about another woman’s appearance,..”
Ali Drucker, you’re right, your article is “decidedly anti-feminist.” While you “celebrate” Alexandra Grant looking her age because by comparison it makes you feel better about your own wrinkles, you give Keanu Reeves a backhanded complement for dating someone “his own age.” Either way you are taking a dig at both of them. Why can’t they just be free to enjoy each other’s company?
16
The author seems relieved to have found validation outside of herself.
4
Why does Ms. Grant need to be identified as Keanu Reeves's girlfriend to get the author's attention? Also, she is 10 years younger than him... Get back to me when your heroine is looking great and her age and hooked up with a boyfriend 10 years younger. Better yet, no boyfriend needed.
4
yikes. what a strange and bizarrely invasive examination of the physical appearance a woman who didn't ask for it. maybe the author could just find the courage to let her own grays show one day and then write about it.
9
I think it is highly offensive for a newspaper that pretends it’s not a tabloid to publish an opinion that is promoting a discussion of an innocent woman’s appearance. What self indulgent nonsense!
16
I'm appalled that Alexandra Grant is identified in the headline as "Keanu Reeve's Girlfriend." How denigrating. However, it was a fine warning that the rest of the article would carry the same tone. Misogyny, indeed. A piece like this has no place in the NYT.
19
I get it that it may be news when a Hollywood actor dates a woman of his own age cohort. But are we still at the point where even the NYT publishes a column dissecting a mature woman's appearance as if it were newsworthy and notable because she doesn't dye her hair?
6
I agree that this was a ridiculous article. While I agree with some of the author's sentiment, the fact that she shops for Botox in her 30's completely undercuts her point. How sad that she feels the need to use artificial fillers in her 30's! She is perpetuating the idea that women need to look "perfect," as in early 20's. Shame on her. And shame on the NYT for publishing such a fluff article.
13
Jeez, Ali, I can't help but feel a little sorry for you. There already is and always will be someone younger, prettier, and smarter than you are. But there is still time for you to learn to be comfortable with yourself, and that will last you a lifetime. And, it's as obvious that people use botox as it is that they don't, at any age. Good luck to you.
13
The writer is fooling herself if she thinks she is going to embrace aging gracefully if she is already seeking Botox at her young age.
7
You've "entered your 30s"and are shooting Botox into your face??!!! INSANE! News flash, ladies: Botox and peels don't make you look younger; it makes you look like the same, but with with unnatural lumps and waxy skin. It makes your insecurity WAY OBVIOUS. Every one of you who capitulates and does this makes it harder and worse for the girls coming behind you. PLEASE STOP.
6
I think people are confusing Alexandra Grant's age with something else: style.
Personally, I find her refreshingly real: her style consists of no spray tan, no wigs, no hair extensions, no 6" heels, not plastered in fake lashes and 2 hours worth of makeup and contouring, no lip injections, no fake gravity-defying breasts, no outrageous attention-seeking clothing, and no theatrics. She's just herself and she doesn't do that whole celebrity-Hollywood smoke-and-mirrors sexy fakery.
To me, it's her style that's so outstanding in her appearance. It has nothing to do with her age. We've become too accustomed to an extremely narrow range of what a "woman should look like" with all the fake accoutrements.
She is herself and she gets Keanu Reeves: no fair.
16
Spot on!
With The NYT running such drivel I fear their slide into the superficiality and cattiness so prevalent. I seems to me everyone wants to appear 'relevant' to the lowest common denominator these days. Shaming, criticizing, elevating and pushing falsehoods into everything we hear and read is dangerous stuff. It wreaks of 'yellow' journalism and that isn't pretty.
8
I admit, I read this article. In the end, who really cares? Is there some sort of moral code about age and dating? Why do we impart judgment on what has to be mutual consent in loving? For me, NYT, this is not news fit to print. It's gossip and star gazing.
2
Dating someone younger makes you a “bad” man?
1
If you care whom a Hollywood celebrity is dating, you're a part of the problem, not the solution. Anyway, instead of botox for your wedding, maybe find a lifestyle you enjoy and a husband who appreciates who you are? Just a thought.
2
I wonder if Keanu dyes his hair.
5
As a recent veteran of later stage dating, who dated women in a 20 year range, from 45 to 65 (now in a monogamous relationship with a woman 3 years my senior), I can safely say I'd rather be with someone close to my own age, who has as much life experience and the attendant wisdom as I do. Plus, mature women, who have taken good care of themselves, are really sexy. Keanu is no fool.
588
@JS: This should be a NYT Pick.
43
Is all this speculative commentary inspired by a photo of a 55 year old movie star and his 46 year old companion? If so , this seems like the very definition of projection (in the the psychoanalytic sense) and inference (in the grammatical sense).
It worries me that the Times provides valuable column inches for such trivia. There are real problems in the world, and Keanu Reeves' choice of friends is not among them.
8
If you think 46 is old, you are part of the problem.
19
i think it's a little sad that this author needs an image of an attractive woman in a ball gown holding the hand of a handsome actor to make herself feel better about getting old. Jeez. Are we really all so desperately worried about it?
4
This article says way more about the shallowness of the author than Keanu Reeves or his girlfriend. Really? Botox for your wedding? So not necessary.
I found this article somewhat cringeworthy. Maybe it’s hard to discuss a woman’s age without feeling this way. I guess it says something about media and pop culture when talking about a woman who looks her age is newsworthy. I cringe even having to write that. We shouldn’t be commenting on another woman’s looks in the NYT. Just awful!
11
The NYT must think very poorly of its readers, if it believes that they would be interested in the looks, as a function of age, of Ms. Ali Drucker and a Alexandra Grant.
4
If you're comparison shopping plastic surgeons for Botox in your 30s, you're hoping other women will do what you apparently can't.
8
Fillers in your 30's? Sorry that is ridiculous. Maybe in your 50's.
4
If you need celebrity role models to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin, you're living a pathetic excuse for a life.
3
Good lord, this is a column? How absolutely absurd and how absolutely dehumanizing.
9
“Also to my delight: a few noticeable wrinkles — a rarity in Los Angeles.”
I’m not sure which is more tasteless, pointing out someone’s wrinkles to justify one’s own vanity, or the Times paying for this US Weekly worthy drivel.
16
Are you kidding me! You are critiquing a private citizen's appearance as a woman and "selling" her as an "oldie but goodie!" This is age discrimination and, quite frankly, low-brow stupid. And, you'll find this shocking, I'm sure...I don't care you this actor dates. Sometimes you have to let your fear of aging go and do something bigger: GROW UP.
16
This piece is so offensive on so many levels.
I really don't know where to begin.
14
This is what passes for a NYT op-ed these days?
I just had to research the author, who in addition to the tame description at the bottom of the piece was once more widely known as "Cosmopolitan.com’s Senior Sex & Relationships editor." This piece leads me to believe the Senior in the title refers to the sex rather than to her relative position. One article under her name is titled "I Cheated on my Husband Over and Over Again - Here's Why".
11
And to think this young writer could have checked out Grant’s artwork and written about that instead. This is a picture of two creative, interesting people and the author is musing about getting Botox before her wedding. Pathetic!!!
17
what the heck is wrong with all of you folks who are judging this-or even commenting on this? what a double standard many of you have! GROW UP!
2
The author is hung up on age and playing right into it. You’re getting married and looking for someone to do a Botox job? I literally recoiled when I read that.
7
Now, can the NYTs please stop featuring 30 year old writers fretting about aging. That's like giving a forum to 5 year olds to weigh in on the vexing drama of looming adolescence!
14
This piece just drips with condescension.
Horrible. Just horrible.
18
So many cringey things in this piece.
18
Well.
You wrote “A part of me feels decidedly anti-feminist writing about another woman’s appearance, but.....” and on and on.
Maybe you should have just stopped writing.
14
What she looks like is a very nice person.
13
Snarky judgments about the appropriateness of age gap relationships is neandrathal. Who writes these rules? Jealous small-minded people, gossips, and scolds are the last bastian of hate and prejudice. Grow up and open up your minds and stop believing you know what's right for everyone.
7
Let me figure this out. We make rude and disparaging comments on a woman’s looks to give her boyfriend kudos that he’s dating someone age appropriate? And this is the New York Times? Let’s sticks to real news, real issues and less pettiness
11
"No, she’s not his age. But if I’m being honest in a way that perhaps verges on impolite, she looks like she could be close to it."
Did you think of Ms. Grant's feelings when you wrote this?
6
Shout out & special kudos to Helen Mirren in Catherine the Great. She looks a spectrum of ages and wants sex.
Back in the day, Susan Sarandon was a big deal romancing James Spader in White Palace. A 20s guy falls for a smokin' 40 ish woman...wow!
The truly amazing thing is that the 80 year old billionaire with the 25 year old on his arm actually believes she's madly in love with him ! Maybe...even a 40 year spread can hold true love. But the visually dependent guy rarely can feel erotic hitting upward.
2
Ali Drucker, spend your time on something important
8
A pathetic commentary. What a send-up of feminism in the 21st Century.
11
A rare and no doubt brief exception to the rule. Why do much younger, nubile females enthusiastically seek mating opportunities with much older Hollywood actors? Oh, because they appreciate their maturity and wisdom, of course.
1
I can’t believe I just wasted 5 minutes reading this dribble. Ms Drucker needs to sort out her own issues (Botox at 30!) before offering pandering advice to “older women”.
9
I find this whole piece insulting.
18
Gabrielle union hasn’t had work done, she just looks like a human. Whether she looks ‘good’ is completely subjective. This article is just someone letting out their insecurities. Weird thing to publish
4
I wish someone didn’t think this article needed to be written and printed.
12
What an utterly vacuous article: 'the NYT as Cosmo'.
On a tired subject that's been written about many, many times. Unoriginal, and also not interestingly written.
The NYT should give its women readers -obviously the target audience for this piffle - considerably more credit than air pieces such as this suggest. Ugh.
7
Sad article, how old are you? You should examine your feelings
with a good philosophy book.
3
Oh, please. Get over yourself. This piece is cringe-worthy. Stop worrying about every wrinkle and grey hair and get out there and live your life! Geez, this column was shallow.
12
Interesting that a woman 10 years younger than the man is considered "age appropriate." I have to wonder if their ages were reversed and she was 10 years older than him, if he would also be complimented for dating someone "his own age?" Or if she would be insulted with the term "cougar?"
My first husband was 4 years older than me.
My current husband (second) is 5 years younger than me. He was 36 and I was 41 when we met. When we first started dating, I was terrified to tell him my age. Turned out that he didn't care. He looks very young for his age and he hasn't grayed at all at 55. I started going gray at 30, and have been coloring my hair. He has been mistaken for my adult son many times. Ouch. I'm 59 now, and I've decided to stop coloring my hair. It's gray and mostly white on top. I fired my hair stylist who objected and said to me, "Why do you want to look older?" I won't look older. I will look my age. The color is pretty. And coloring my hair in a pain in the butt and expensive.
Having gray/white hair won't stop me from exercising, kayaking, and hiking. Bring it on. Just don't presume that my husband kayaking with me is my son.
341
This article’s author is beyond out of touch with the average American woman, who does not get Botox or fillers at age 30. The asides the author makes about her own plastic surgery procedures made me unable to even finish reading the piece.
24
The fact that The NY Times chose a writer in her 30’s to opine about being inspired to embrace her own aging is the real joke here.
31
The saddest thing in this piece is the author's search for a doctor to "do" her botox for her wedding, and she's in her 30s. Oh honey. Read you some Susan Bordo, Sandra Bartky, and Iris Young--for starts.
18
She's smart, attractive, fit-looking, and apparently very happy. Just like him. She left her hair natural. Big deal. She has a lot more to offer than a twenty-something bimbo.
7
How sad the writer, Ali Drucker, is using Botox in her 30s. She will never be satisfied with her appearance. Also upsetting how she treats Alexandra Grant, a beautiful woman, as someone who should be admired not for her talents but but because she has gray hair. Ugh. Moreover, she is quite a bit younger than Keanu, who clearly dyes his hair to try to keep up. This op ed is do insipid.
14
This is obnoxious and insulting.
17
This is a ridiculous article written by a child wondering what it is like to grow up. How about waiting to see what it is like before going on about your 30 year old “wrinkles.”
20
We all know Keanu Reeves can date whomever he wants. He does not deserve accolades for dating someone a whole 10 years younger than him. Jeeze. Disappointing, NYT.
7
This article does not belong in the NYT. She writes about a woman she doesn’t know and seems amazed that despite her (very attractive) gray hair - she actually is younger than her companion! Shock and awe!
A woman wrote this! Why publish this judgemental, stereotypic stuff?
Leave the couple alone and let them be happy.
12
Why is the writer of this article in her 30s? What possibly nuanced or interesting thing could she possibly have to say about aging or looking her age?
If the Times has anything worthwhile to add to this discuss, please employ a woman who actually knows what’s she’s talking about.
All this nonsense about wrinkles and fillers is total rubbish.
The woman portrayed here is a woman of substance please have a reporter who knows her value be the person to pass comment. It’s too important to leave to a millennial.
7
You know what? I am tired of Keanue Reeves and all the women drooling over his "feminist" ways. Seriously, this guy is getting on my nerves
3
Men as validation for women? I give this article one derisive Nancy Pelosi clap.
15
Please....
6
The problem with your article, and what makes it a slap in the face to feminism, is that you have written nothing else about Alexandra Grant except what she looks like. Alexandra Grant is a highly respected, well-known visual artist and thinker. She is extremely active in the LA arts community. I would argue that a more feminist piece could write about what she looks like (f you MUST write about that) as a part of what she does who she is--and she is not simply Keanu's arm candy.
21
This is idiotic on so many levels. Good for him, good for her, who cares...
6
The headline actually made me think that Keanu Reeves was actually dating someone OLDER than himself . . . Oh no, she is really only a woman who voluntarily chooses to look her age. OMG! Hit the panic button!!
PLEASE, LA, get over yourselves! Join the rest of the world where the steady erosion of our civil liberties, our precious democratic norms are being weakened every day. There is no putting lipstick on this pig. No face lift can save our democracy. Wait, maybe that's the answer after all.. . .
Just stay on the left coast, keep conjuring up your eternal visions of youth, keep air-brushing reality so that you don't have to confront the harsh realities of life, whether they be actual aging or the hollowing out of our democratic way of life. But PLEASE, do us all a favor. Stick to the peddling of fantasy of portraying movies and shows that depict life as we want it to be, not as it actually is. But please don't get your panties in a twist when reality threatens to intrude on your LA fantasy. Your concerns just seem so petty and absolutely pointless.
9
Ms. Drucker,
It is not nice to live without the pressures to stay thin and young, it's WONDERFUL to live without those pressures. In my 50s I figured that out, and stopped trying to look 35, and it is freedom - psychological, emotional freedom.
I now subscribe to the late (and great) Gilda Radner's fashion rule: wear clothing that isn't tight and doesn't itch.
Let go. Come on in, the water is fine. You will be welcomed over here on society's dark side of "getting old". You will be less stressed, have more time, feel better about yourself, and enjoy life more.
Stay healthy. That's it. Stay healthy.
5
The subject of Ali Drucker's article is basically that a middle-aged woman chooses not to dye her hair despite be ing in the company of a film star. Really, New York Times: do you think this merited being printed by you?
11
This is a really tacky article. Way below the New York Times. Pointing out and commenting publicly about anyone's age is rude and discriminatory. Stop it.
16
Is this the New York Times? Why on earth does anyone Care who Keanu Reeves Is dating? Why should we be interested in this writer’s obsession with her own looks? Disgusting.
14
You convinced me at -
“Jean Smart, 68, electrify every scene she was in as the Silk Spectre in HBO’s “Watchmen,” where she wields an absurdly large blue dildo and has sex with a much younger man.”
that I have to watch HBO!
1
This was really in the New York Times?
10
When are people going to learn that the surface stuff is simply not that important? Oh, right: never.
My wife and I just watched a terrific interview of Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau (by the great British interviewer Michael Parkinson) from the late 80s. Matthau's older, of course. He has a face like a catcher's mitt.
My wife was (rightly) entranced. "My god, is he charming, or what?" See for yourself, and see also in this interview, incidentally (at 22:00), both actors pretty much say what Scorsese just said. But thirty years ago, when the situation today was nigh and known to be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0h7QPZ-bY0
So, like, maybe the super-Woke nth-wave feminists (I kid from a supportive position) should, like, stop giving a damn about grey hair? How about you look how you look, as men feel far more comfortable doing, and work on your inner selves?
That's where the true attractiveness comes from. There, and simply not much caring about What Everyone Thinks. Why is it Sean Connery can be bald, wrinkled, overweight -- and drop-dead gorgeous -- but if a woman seems to be over 24, it's over? Answer: it isn't that way. Too many have pretended to agree, is all. Reject it.
And now I'm off to get a botox shot. Kidding!
1
I am 70 and still working, have not had anything done, but why should I.. Watch my weight, what I eat and work out. Am programmer and still am working. Have been doing this for almost 45 years and yes the first 5 were hell. Dress to my own fashion sense, which is not dictated by the weather girls (and yes i do mean girls). Go ahead watch a weather report on any station. Here is the modus operandi for weather girls.
- Must wear a tightly fitted dress (boobs and butt especially)
- Usually solid color and fairly short
- Heels that you can only stand when wearing
- Hair medium length to longer
- Age max say 35ish
- Now lets talk about the weathermen - never mind
As an FYI: weathermen does not get an error when typing weatherwomen does. Yeah I know weathermen were once a thing, but still.
4
You know what -- it's just that particular photo in which he looks younger and better looking than she does. But take a look at the photo in the link below where she looks younger and much prettier than he does. Both photos were taken on the same day. The difference is the lighting, the camera angles, and the facial expressions.
https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fstatic2.insider.com%2Fimage%2F5dc18c9744b1c4334c3f78d8-914%2Falexandra%2520grant%2520keanu%2520reeves%2520michael%2520kovacgetty%2520images%2520for%2520lacma.jpg&f=1&nofb=1
6
It is just so nice to not give a hoot about any of it anymore!
287
She has gone gray early. But so what?
I think its interesting that women have trouble letting themselves go gray at all...as a society we are ok for men to be grayhaired...but women feel pressured to keep their natural hair color...or go a pleasing shade lighter than their natural color for as long as possible.
4
There are men who like the way women age. If you love someone, you don't need botox or surgery.
8
They look like an awesome couple, interesting and gorgeous both. But she is NOT AT ALL his age. A decade younger, and he’s come the closest to matching up with a woman “his age”. Wow, a true vintage classic form of sexism. I keep being hopeful the culture’s getting a bit more aware. Less blatant, anyway. But, nah.
And, “money, trainers and sure, good genes,” ok, but it’s Alexandra’s hair’s that really makes Keanu heroic. it’s pretty much mandated for women to dye their hair, specially in Hollywood. Alexandra with her gorgeous silverwhite hair. She’s an artist, and looks like one—cool, alt glamorous. This fuss about her age is insulting to women, also dumb. Also insidious.
I “let” my hair go grey (ie. it simply happened) and sometimes women strangers stop me, complement my hair, and tell me “You’re so brave,” or “I’ve thought of letting mine go, but I can’t.”
And god, Alexandra’s probably the type who doesn’t want venom injected in her face, either. Why did young buck Keanu pick such a geriatric freak when he could’ve had a twenty-something Barbie? Ageism and sexism, such an enduring, insidious combo.
3
Ms. Drucker: Maybe you should be tipping your hat to Alexandra Grant, not because she snagged a celeb boyfriend who you apparently feel could be dating someone more like you (you know, 30's, botox, blonde highlights), but because she is "an American visual artist who examines language and written texts through painting, drawing, sculpture, video and other mediums. She uses language and exchanges with writers as a source for much of that work." (Thank you, Wikipedia)
As for "embracing her age," eye roll. What does that phrase mean? She is an artist. She is stylish. She is accomplished.
As for everybody else, how would y'all like having your looks dissected online — and your psyche?
There's a word for it. Catty. Embrace yourselves, dears. As for age, no one embraces it. If you're lucky, you live joyously and fully. And that, friends, is beauty.
26
People being a little tough on the writer here - she reads pretty respectful to me. It's actually refreshing to read someone in their early thirties acknowledging they're not a kid anymore, in this culture of people in their 40s and 50s pretending they are. Will she giggle in 30 years when she re-reads this? Probably. But she ain't there yet. Doesn't mean she's not worth reading now.
3
Regardless her age, she looks very confident and entirely comfortable with herself. That is what you should aim for, Ms. Drucker. Forget the Botox, try to find happiness in good fortune, honest and loving relationships, and fulfilling work and hobbies. If you get a few wrinkles along the way, so what?
7
I'm 91 and would welcome a date with an 80 yr old. And, I
4
To be honest, I think its just the gray hair. She's going natural, and I'm thinking Keanu is seeing the colorist on a regular basis. So who is desperately trying to appear younger? The guy in this case. Hmmmmm....
6
You are 30 and comparison shopping for a physician who can get your Botox just right? Bless your heart. I'm 77 and just glad to be here, happy to be alive. And still bug my representatives about climate chaos...
16
Much better seeing a healthy looking women in her 50’s than an unhealthy one. Besides Keanu seems like he likes women with a mind and can talk his talk.
4
This is crazy. Has no one noticed that he is visibly aging? He is dating someone younger than himself in this case, which makes this reaction even more absurd.
This column fills me with despair. Can it really be a triumph that women are now given slightly more permission to experience a basic aspect of the human life cycle without a torrent of self-hatred or shame because of whom Keanu Reeves decides to date?
I cannot celebrate the fact that women are given a millimeter of extra leeway to be slightly less ashamed of displaying one of the many things that the human body does as it moves through time.
Please let this bizarre fate of diminished worth for women end at some point. Someday, perhaps in the distant future, there will come a time when women are permitted to fully realize their human potential without being marked down for any variation from this exceedingly narrow aesthetic standard. Maybe one day women, like men, can be appreciated for other human excellences they display. Women are rational beings with the same capacities to contribute to the world and to the lives of other people as men. When will we be recognized as something more than show ponies? When do we just get to exist?
6
Sexual attractiveness is not one of the blessings of age- for good reason.
Wrapping one's self esteem around " Am I still hot" is a recipe for unhappiness.......ask me how I know.......
14
Most American women look bizarre by the age of 40. The obvious dying of their hair, massive make up layers to hide their skin, and defeated outlook on exercising create fake women.
8
As the late physicist Richard Feynman once said, “What do you care what other people think?”
11
Hollywood is not representative of anything in the real world.
6
Am I understanding this opinion piece properly? It seems to assert that Keanu Reeves has made it okay for the author to age because he had the bravery and decency to be seen with a (gasp!) woman who doesn't look (or strive to look) 30.
This essay (and its shallow appraisal of the lovely Ms. Grant) is cringeworthy.
16
I smile at all these woman who claim to be championing women but insist on dyeing their hair, having face lifts and botox, and otherwise doing all they can to deny the aging process. Our real icons should be those who accept their changing looks as they age. Yes, let's do all we can to keep healthy and fit and agile. But trying to re-create the hair color and skin tautness of a thirty year old, when you're fifty or sixty, well that's just plain ageist.
6
Yo, reality check here. Growing old(er) is an actual privilege. The one benefit about dying young is that one makes a good- looking corpse. People who lose sight of that have pretty severe problems to begin with. Taking care of yourself- yes. Obsessing about looking "old"- fuhgeddaboutit.
16
the secret to life is to not care what men think they like.
6
She has gray hair.... that’s it. Looks young and fit. Puh-leaze.
6
She looks like a confident, happy woman out on a fun date with somebody she likes who seems to like her. What's the big deal? Isn't this how it's supposed to work?
12
At 79 this seems well just Hollywood starting to face the reality of aging and mortality in what some call the "second (and yes, final) half of life." As Bette Davis said, "Aging isn't for sissy!" Just give them another 25 years.
1
What a delightful looking couple. Happy, natural, attractive.
5
“Visual artist.” Can you please say more about who this woman is, apart from her looks? I would have been interested to hear more than two words.
3
Really interesting to read all the opinions on how old or how pretty this woman looks. A lot of "mis"-judgement going on. She looks happy. She looks healthy and like she takes care of herself. The same can be said for Keenu Reeves (who has always been objectively gorgeous, just saying). And they look happy and together as a couple. After around 40, age becomes a pretty arbitrary issue. Her hair looks great by the way.
3
"but now as I’ve entered my 30s and have a few lines of my own that even fillers can’t reach, I’d love to stop thinking of the discussion around women and getting older as a transgression."
I'm gobsmacked that this take is in the New York Times, of all places. That a 30-something woman thinks she's at a place to talk about 'lines that even fillers can't reach" perfectly encapsulates society's deeply entrenched misogyny and ageism. Wait, my dear, until you are 50-something. It is a whole other ballgame.
Yes, it is incredibly rude that you have written an article in the NYT opining about whether an accomplished female artist 'looks her age' or not. Yes, it is decidedly anti-feminist to have taken this on, and NO, this in no way moves any kind of conversation forward, except the entrenched belief that women must not age, must ALWAYS fit into the current standards of Hollywood beauty, and can never be attractive for other, more meaningful attributes. This is such a sad, ugly article.
14
Gray hair but otherwise she looks pretty dang good. Color the hair and she's back in the ballgame. I'd date her except that my wife would likely object.
1
I do not understand why this deserves so much attention.
2
The first world problems of the type of woman who probably skated on her looks all her life and liked it. Now that she's aging--at 30--she's talking about internalized misogyny? She chose to play the game.
3
She looks older than Keanu. Good on him.
2
I stopped reading after reading that the writer is in her 30s and has a few lines that, "even filler can't reach." Good grief. If the writer is that insecure about her looks in her 30s, then the rest of life will be devastating for her.
9
I'm all for coming up with a topic to write about for the NYT, but if you are serious about things like self-worth, the last thing you should do is build yours on a celebrity couple.
1
Stopped coloring my hair a long time ago!!
A sad commentary when you have to get permission from a celebrity's girlfriend to feel good about that inevitable, mortal slide to old age.
2
Ok Keanu, now it's your turn. Lose the hair dye and the Botox. You'd look great aging naturally.
4
If you are considering botox upon entering your 30s you are in big trouble. I pushed out my baby at 40. And gave my first thought to my chin at 50. You have got a long way to go before you really get aging girl.
5
I just don’t understand what physical attributes the writer thinks Ms. Grant should covering up. The undyed hair and a few wrinkles? That’s what makes her look “older than 46”? I find that comment and the gushing over Keanu Reeves for dating her seem insulting to Ms. Grant but suspect she’s comfortable in her own skin and hope she finds it hilarious. Being at peace with yourself is one way to look beautiful. Worrying about small wrinkles in your 30s seems a sure way of looking “older than your age.”
4
American culture is far too Hollywood oriented. That an article like this even exists in the first place is ridiculous.
America needs to get away from Hollywood and the culture of constant entertainment that is numbing the American mind.
America needs an enlightenment.
4
Geez Ali, get a grip, you are way to young and inexperienced to be writing this article with any authority. I'm 65 and I believe I have moved on to much more consequential and interesting thoughts and concerns other than Botox. In fact I think the concerns expressed in this piece are a little dated. Move on kid, most of us have.
9
“Now as I have entered my thirties...”
The fact that the author is lamenting wrinkles and “looking her age” and is shopping around for wedding Botox when she has merely “entered [her] thirties” suggests extraordinary vanity. Those of us who are or have exceeded Ms Grant’s age do not need an author in her early 30s writing columns lamenting her age and claiming to be speaking for us. Please forget the Botox and drop the age lamenting for at least another decade.
3
I hope the headline is a joke, because accepting one's age should never have anything to do with whether someone else is able to do the same.
2
Where have we "wiser" women gone wrong that our 30-year-old daughters want to pump botox into their faces? What worthy partner is attracted to this concept?
Ali, follow the money: yours. Botox et al will gladly have you pay to believe you will be more attractive if you just buy something else, something disfiguring--and not only to your beautiful face. Just stop.
1
Ali Drucker and Britt Hayes are the ones with the unhealthy 'age obsession'. Stop talking about Alexandra Grant's age... stop thinking about Alexandra Grant looking her age. You are parading your own anxieties and obsessions which have nothing to do with Alexandra Grant.
2
Shouldn't everyone be free to date who they want? If feminism isn't about equality and freedom of choice and agency then what is it about? Punishment? Are the dating habits of movie stars really worthy of the Times?
1
People should date whomever they want. Commenting on age isn't feminist or helpful but just rude and nosy.
1
No choice - accept or suffer.
He is dating someone 10 years younger than him. If he was dating someone his age, we could be talking about something. He's not.
2
Regarding the comments within the article, please - let's be realistic: Reeves looks 46. Ms. Grant looks 55.
1
Feeling comfortable after chronicling another woman's gray hair and wrinkles?That's not nirvana, that's schadenfreude.
3
I think it's really sad that she is so much younger and still considered old looking. Get over it people. You will all age and die. Deal with it like real woke people.
3
So when do you imagine Mr. Reeves will embrace his own natural hair color?
5
No, just because a celebrity-level artist can "embrace her age" doesn't mean you can too -- not unless you are ready to deal with the consequences. You _almost_ had it here, when you said "it also comes from the way the world tends to view and treat middle-aged women." But then you veered back off into silly concerns when you went back to "as past their prime, as desperate cougars trying too hard, or worse, as invisible."
No, the reason you can't just decide that you can look as old as you are is not vanity or lack of confidence. It is, quite simply, economic.
If you still need to make a living and you are not comfortably locked into a job (or a spouse who supports you financially) from which you are somehow unfireable (or undivorceable) (and who has either?), looking 45 when you're 45 and 55 at 55 means you are less likely to get hired and paid to work. Looking 45 or 55 while looking for work is even worse than just actually _being_ 45 or 55 -- which is the heart of the problem. But if you at least don't look your age -- if with some desperate, time-consuming, expensive, endlessly repeated maneuvers you can "pass" for 35 or 37 (42?) maybe they'll let you actually stick around a leetle, leetle while longer and not starve (and lose your health insurance).
The need to fake youth is not a problem we can pep talk our way out of. That's like telling women to "lean in," when they're leaning in so far they're toppling over, and the infrastructure isn't supporting them.
5
Ouch. Is this supposed to be complementary? Mean
2
Wow, I didn’t realize that women were so psychologically fragile.
4
Why is it delightful for a 30 year old woman to make her mousey brown hair rich with red and gold highlights but if a woman over 45 does it, she's "not at peace with her age"?! I am 70 and I love the energy boost I get from "fluffing" myself with moisturizers, hair color, exfoliating, plucking, tinting, you name it. It's like telling black women that they don't have the same options to fuss and play with their hair that white women have because it would not be PC. There is a vast difference between "denial of time" and simply celebrating one's presence with aesthetic self-care! While we're at it, once this paradigm really breaks down, we will see that many women will gladly couple-up with younger men because of their greater sexual vitality. I do!
1
Woman, girls really ,blossom early. Men somehow weather the other end of the spectrum. Fair?
For the life of me, I cannot imagine why anyone cares about the love lives of celebrities.
2
I am sure his date is a wonderful woman but she looks as old as Elizabeth Warren.
2
well my "A" gets along swimmingly with my "Z"
Ms. Drucker,
If you're looking to Hollywood, specifically its red carpets, to feel better about yourself, I strongly suggest you engage the services of a licensed mental health professional as soon as humanly possible. I don't mean to sound flippant; I being completely serious. If you're old enough to consider looking your age, you're too old to believe there's anything real about Hollywood. Grow up and discover the true path to self-esteem. Here's a hint: It's not covered in red polyester fiber.
2
People are making a big deal just because Ms. Grant has gray hair. You should be embarrassed, especially when also revealing your Botox and "fear of appearing older" woes. So dreadfully shallow. Wouldn't it be more compelling to examine what is interesting and unique about Alexandra rather than play small like you did?
1
A dubious thanks to Ali Drucker for demonstrating to us that men don't hold a monopoly on being insultingly clueless, ageist and misogynistic.
9
Considering the biog hoo-ha about their public appearance together, that photo should be captioned: "Keanu and Alexandra's Excellent Adventure."
2
Any of the supposedly aggrieved/offended women (at Hollywood leading men dating younger women) and the progressive "male allies" care to chime in on Madonna bedding a procession of "Toy boys". (or dating life of Emma Thompson, Kirsten Scott-Thomas or the Female director of Wonder Woman)
Of course not, that's a feminist milestone worth a hundred "you go girl" chants.
Apparently what's sexist in men is a brave strike against patriarchy when the genders are flipped?
2
umm sorry (not sorry) but calling a guy out for dating a younger girl is as wrong as calling a guy out for dating a guy. It is none of your business who people are dating aren't we passed that by now? And no one is forcing diCaprio's girlfriends to date him. No one is forcing any girl to date an older guy. It's called free will. My initial reaction was Keanu Reeves could do way better and my wild guess is everyone is thinking that. And applauding him for dating that woman with the gray hair is extremely rude towards that woman. It's like saying "yeah you're not the best looking gal we all know that. But congrats to your extremely handsome boyfriend for being so brave to keep you around and apparently really caring about your inner qualities. What an awesome guy he is." Woah how rude.
1
I'm a 59 year old, healthy, physically and financially fit straight guy who recently met and is now very happily dating a sexy, attractive 60 year old healthy, physically and financially fit straight woman. My response to this OpEd piece can pretty much be summed up as: Huh??
3
Interesting, women who claim to be 'progressive' and hate Victoria's Secret and similar, still let themselves be subject and impacted by a man's, Keanue Reeves, choice.
1
The fact that this supposed "story" started popping up in my news feeds seems very sexist. Would anyone ever post titles like "Alexandra Grant's new boyfriend has some grey hair and looks older than 29 years old?" How ridiculous this all is. I hope when my daughters are Alexandra's age, all this is normal and not newsworthy. I don't know her but Alexandra Grant looks like a kind, beautiful woman. I wish her & Keanu much happiness.
2
You’re in your early 30s and shopping for Botox? I’m so sorry.
15
This makes me ill. When I read the headline, I assumed Keanu's date was going to be significantly OLDER than him. Instead, she is 9 years younger. And for this he deserves applause???? Not to mention an article about it? This article is part of the problem.
3
What do we care about what “they” think? Why are you getting Botox? You’re getting married next year so obviously your future spouse knows what you look like now and wrinkles and gray hair isn’t going to change the love you have for each other. Focus instead on good health and being happy and having a great relationship. That is most important.
1
You want to see ageism/sexism to an extreme? Turn on the Spanish news! Show me one news woman over the age age of 40 or who even seems over the age of 40.
They look like they have fun together. The sort of people you want at a dinner party.
3
The first mistake is to judge a woman by how she appears or appeals to a man. From there, the column goes downhill. By the way, the obsession with "youthfulness" is not restricted to women.
3
Some me too movement when women need validation via celebrities.
3
To paraphrase Tara Westover ("Educated") and John Stuart Mill, women have been held down and subjected to cultural subservience for so many millennia that their true essence cannot be known. Our granddaughters and great-granddaughters will create a new definition of (chromosome) XX-ness.
1
The fact that this article was published speaks for itself. Can we just stop analyzing women based on their looks and move on?
2
Beauty is skin deep and Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This photo of her here she looks very attractive and sweet. The pic I saw of her yesterday was a bad photographer that took a pic of Kenau and gave her no consideration thus a very unflattering picture of her.
Women themselves need to address the issue and stop trying to be 27 when they look beautiful at 47
She looks like someone who would be interesting to know, and my guess is, they are intellectually compatible.
2
A 46-year-old woman has gray hair. Why is this news? Most of the woman that age of my acquaintance have gray hair.
It is great that Reeves is dating an attractive woman who is within a decade of him, but it is hard to take seriously commentary from a woman who is shopping for a botox doc for her wedding. The author might do better working on her own internalized misogyny before setting herself up as an authority on the topic. Meanwhile, silver hair and wrinkles are all part of normal aging and if we all embraced our natural beauty, eventually our society might change.
2
Oh, please. The author has only just "entered her 30's." Unless she is aging hard and fast, she has no need to worry about "looking her age" for many years yet.
1
Ali, you need to think hard about the Botox and whatever other extreme modifications of your appearance you’ve come to believe are important to your social standing. They’re all oppressive. The world in which they matter doesn’t matter. The world’s climate is collapsing into chaos all around us, and this weird historical moment of narcissism and excess is going to end by the time you start to go gray. Pay attention to something real.
1
Anything to say about Reeves' dyed hair and inability to own up to his age?
1
How would Ms. Grant feel to read your article in all of its "impolite?" gushing? Do unto others, Sister. I don't think you were all polite. Why does everyone feel they have the right to weigh in on a woman's looks? Even other women?
Hint: We don't.
3
Woman comfortable in their own skin are not ashamed of aging and looking it.
4
Keanu has always been cool. He doesn't need to have a starlet draped on his arm to be cool.
2
Was this satire in the Times? 30s and navel-gazing about getting old? Talking about fillers and getting Botox? Worried about looking older, not getting older? Word-Salading about two people the author does not know and jumping to conclusions about them from their looks?
Getting older is worse than looking older, my rheumatoid arthritis wants me to mention. Fillers and Botox are for those who can afford them and certainly not for people in their 30s, my wallet wants me to mention. I had no wisdom in my 30s and tried to cover it up, not make pop-psychology statements that are just so much noise...my brain wants to mention.
Again...did she just write about Botox and fillers for herself?
OK Millennial.
7
I believe this woman is running with the wrong crowd. Does she live in NYC, LA, Hollywood where all the women are skinny, fashionistas, botoxed, spanxed etc. and assuming they live in the gym. She's describing a life I don't live. Given what she's writing about I was taken aback by her looking for botox. As trump would say - sad!
Jean Smart was a revelation. Who knew?!?
To the writer: you are in your thirties, that you’re thinking of having Botox for your wedding shows what a toxic culture we live in. It seems you learned something by writing this article- do, don’t get the Botox; for gods sake if you can’t accept yourself now, you’ll never be able to!
1
Ok, Millenial
7
"I’m getting married next year, and much as many brides search around for a hair stylist or makeup artist they like, I’ve been comparison-shopping for plastic surgeons who can do my Botox just right."
Far out! For an alleged feminist, you sure come across as a rather tragic victim of the patriarchy. Why on earth would one need botox to say I do? Why the desire to be some idealised version of yourself for your wedding day? Why wed in the first place?
1
Two points: 1) the expression "age appropriate" is, well, inappropriate. When I hear it about men who are with women "young enough to be their daughter", I point out that my wife (2 years older than I) is "old enough to be my sister". So? Is it jealousy? fear of incest? resentment of biology? resentment of power? Who gets to declare what's age appropriate? So inappropriate.... And 2) Where's the #MeToo movement for women who enthusiastically embrace a relationship with an older, more monied man? Oh, they're not victims of sexual abuse, right. They're victims of another deadly attitude, wanting to be taken care of by a man of means, as if they're sexually active children. Let's hear more from them and less about the men who enjoy their paying for their company.
1
Absurd. You should base your “big decision” to be yourself on what a celebrity’s date does? Try, just try, not to be so superficial. Use your own judgment, if you have it. Why rely on celebrities and their dates to make decisions? A “time-tested public figure,” please. This is really dreadful decision making, falling into the trap of comparing yourself to celebrity culture.
1
Frankly, I don't think Keanu looks his age - and I strongly suspect he dyes his hair, and certainly his beard. 55 year-old men do NOT have black beards.
Does this make him morally inferior to his girlfriend?
3
The best thing about getting older - hopefully, you like the skin your in. You like who you are, mind, body & soul without judging yourself against others. And you realise what wasted time, effort & energy went into doing just that in your younger years. Who really gives a fig what some so called celebrity does or looks like?
Outside of Hollywood, middle aged men are just as ignored as the women are.
2
The author is concerned about thoughts about another woman’s looks makes her anti-feminist, but what strikes me as anti-feminist is that this whole article centers around her assumption that an already accomplished gray-haired woman is now normalized/elevated in status because she is holding hands with a famous man. Can we ever get to a point where attracting male attention doesn’t warrant an article in a major newspaper?
1
Although it says “Stu Sutin” in the header, I am Rowna Sutin. We share a subscription to the Times, and for reasons that I cannot fathom, The NYTimes cannot differentiate as to who is writing, when. But now for the point of this missive: I am 72. About 3 years ago I got tired of coloring my hair - a two process event. It took a lot of money and way too much time to hide my grey. So in an awkward three month transition, I let my new hair color emerge and I cut off the streaks. Now everyone says I look better than ever. I must admit, the color, a rich sliver, is very handsome. Step two: I gave up make up. I love to travel and my makeup case was way too big. Plus, I got tired of trying to redeem all my points from Sephora. Other’s opinions? I only care about one: my husband’s. He loves my new look. I love the money saved. The order of the universe is correct. Looking your age is the new look. I think!
2
When a rich actor who is 55 dates and supports a woman who is 60, then you can write an article that will interest me.
You lost me at celebrating Jennifer Lopez's revival of animal cruelty.
2
The guys flaunting never ending 20 something brides are in mid life crisis age. More importantly, why do you need a guy to show you it's ok to look and act your age?
You're comparison shopping Botox for an up coming wedding? Jesus. I'm glad I never encountered whatever culture spawned this behavior. They look like a normal couple going out for the night. I didn't realize expectations were so much higher than dressing well. Even for a wedding.
OK, so the point seems to be that Keanu is a mensch because he isn't with a twentysomething supermodel. Fair enough, in my opinion, as far as it goes.
The writer should have just stopped there, though. So what she doesn't look like a mid-forties Hollywood star? Apparently, she looks *gasp* Keanu's age, which is ten years older than she.
The sniping and digs did little to prove the point that the author seemed to start out with. Instead, we came away with yet another silly, muddled double-standard argument.
1
After reading this article, I have no idea how any sane woman would want the author's advice about anything. Anyone whose self-esteem is based on such a shallow foundation needs far more help than botox. Maybe a brain transplant would do the trick.
By the way, thanks for helping to perpetuate the very attitudes you supposedly decry.
3
I've always considered Paul Newman and Joann Woodward as role models for America, when it comes to being comfortable in your own skin. All this fake stuff isn't worth it, folks.
1
The journalist of this article seem to live in a world that values women only for their looks - a world where monsters like Jeffrey Epstein lurk in the shadows. Wrinkles and gray hair are on the surface, and IMHO most women are respected for what's below that surface.
Well I see that the author is based in LA, which I hear encourages a pretty warped idea about what women should look like. I suggest she move. Just about anywhere else will give her a healthier idea of what she should look like entering her thirties. And forties and fifties.
you should be more afraid of getting old than looking old. trust me, when bits start falling off and youre hobbling around because youve just done something to your back (again) you'll know what i mean.
4
Yup, gray hair on women has become acceptable in the last decade. But what if she weighed 200 pounds? She'd still be radioactive.
4
The flip side of this article is that you have to write it at all. Who cares. If you have a relationship its about who each other is to each other and to themselves. Not how anyone looks.
The tacit assumption in this article that we should publicly shame individuals on social media for dating outside their acceptable age range is grotesquely regressive.
Looks looks looks! How about we talk about what people are actually attracted to, the personality. Looks truly are only skin deep, and we stop seeing them when we see the reality of the soul before us. Just be authentically yourself... wrinkled or smooth....blond, grey or purple hair. If you are you, you will wear it well and people will be attracted to YOU!
Glad to say it, Alexandra Grant is part of a trend; aging gracefully, aging silver, and wearing it with confidence. I'm 60 and am just as vain as the next person but won't give in to trends that include making my face look like I've been hung on hooks, beestung lips, and breasts that defy gravity. Too expensive and a waste of precious time.
1
As Joe Gillis told Norma Desmond in Sunset Blvd "There’s nothing tragic about being 50 … not unless you try to be 25."
4
"but now as I’ve entered my 30s and have a few lines of my own that even fillers can’t reach," Oh no, the author has no idea what aging is all about.
1
She has a nice figure and a great smile. She must be sucessful because she could afford a full coverage dress. I don'treally know who these people are and if they're happy, I'm happy for them.
I laughed out loud when I read the author is worried about wrinkles in her 30s. At the same time it made me so sad that at young age she's getting botox. Good luck managing your 40s and beyond.
1
Ms Drucker, I'm a few years older than you and offer some unsolicited advice. skip the Botox. forever. use the money to buy yourself some very well made, fabulous, comfortable shoes. I promise you will get more mileage and pleasure from those shoes than any amount of Botox.
668
How silly. It's none of my business who anyone dates. Except, perhaps, my wife, if I should start dating someone other than her, which is unlikely, or worse, if she should start dating someone else. Keanu, I guess, is one possibility. She, at the ripe young age of 62, is gorgeous. Smart. Talented. But forget "age-appropriate." She's ME appropriate.
448
Instead of focusing on Ms. Grant’s age and looks, how about writing about her accomplishments? The fact is that she and Mr. Reeves were at LACMA because her work was featured in a show there.
7
Alexandra Grant's gray hair is clearly the only thing here that prompted the author to write this odd piece and bare her insecurities for the world to ponder ("Wrinkles"? Are you kidding?). A curious form of narcissism utterly free of self-awareness, if you think about it. In any case, no gray hair on the head of girlfriend of a "movie star" not yet beyond his prime (by some people's standards), no article. There would be nothing to write about.
So, what's next? A penetrating article on young people who dye their naturally dark hair various shades of white, and the confusion this causes among the tiresome online "age-appropriate" shaming community? Can't wait for that. What would be much more interesting is to explore the relatively new form of forced conformity seen in some parts of self-styled progressive America (Amherst, MA is the case I know of) where women are sometimes looked down upon for choosing to color their hair rather than going gray "naturally" to please others who choose to do so but are not fully comfortable with "looking older." More of America's shameless shaming culture worthy of calling by its proper name.
7
Maybe if we focused inward vs. outward, we would all be a little happier.
4
The thing is . . . she doesn't look her age. She looks younger, and better, because she seems to have declined cosmetic intervention. There's a reason why it's called "plastic" surgery.
3
The Kardashian obsession with aging is pervasive---they are the epitome of plastic people with their Botox injections, surgery, and hapless choices in wacky anti-aging remedies. We need more women to be a role model for pride in their accomplishments, education, and self-expression that runs counter to the pressure to be forever young.
5
How can you devote all of this ink to a woman, fret over how "anti-feminist" or not you're being (if you have to ask...), and then not include anything other than the slightest reference to her chosen field, let alone her many professional and artistic accomplishments? How incredibly disappointing.
6
The writer is in her 30s. The woman under discussion is only 46.
I realize that we're grading by Hollywood standards here, but, under these circumstances, this discussion on embracing aging strikes me as premature and a little ludicrous.
Yes, Ms. Grant has let her hair go gray. Good for her. But let's hear from Ms. Drucker again when she's passed the 50- or 60-year milestone, is observing someone more age-appropriate for an article of this kind, and is dealing first-hand with sagging jowls, baggy eyes, and a body that shows its experience.
4
This article is a little bizarre written by a author who is in her 30's. I am almost 50 and I am finally comfortable in my own skin and the changes that are happening to me. I don't think about aging so much anymore. I take care of myself the best I can, have a piece of really good dark chocolate everyday and enjoy my family. What you think about in your future self in your 30's aren't usually what is important as you think it will be as you get older. And I really really hope you were kidding about the botox!!
8
Ms. Drucker, You (having "just entered your thirties") are not mature enough to write about this subject and impress us over-50 women. I agree with a commenter below who says she doesn't care about your problems with your own looks. And no one cares whether you think Ms. Grant looks 46, 56, 66 or 76. You are trying to congratulate Keanu Reeves for having a relationship with a mature woman, but in the process you sound deeply condescending to older women. I can tell you with certainty - Ms. Grant is indeed a striking woman and she glows with health and happiness in the pictures. That's what you need to be going for in your life. You don't need botox - you need to thrive, which makes anyone look good.
11
Ali, if you just "entered your 30's" and you're shopping for Botox, you're about as far from feminist as one can get.
I'm 49 and I love the gray hair in my sideburns, because for me that just means that retirement is approaching.
2
I think Ms. Grant looks 66, not 46, but I'm not dating her and wouldn't as she doesn't attract me... Ali, I think you are just self-conscious of your aging. There is nothing wrong about working out and keeping yourself looking youthful and vibrant. Good for the mind as well as the body. What does sexism have to do with it? My late grandmother always said, "there is a cover for every pot and a pot for every cover". That's the bottom line.
1
If I were Grant, I'd be embarrassed by this op-ed. She's not "rocking her age," she's being herself, She's very attractive and stylish. I'm sure she was at 26 and will be at 76. But more importantly, she is an artist who has her work to offer the world and doesn't have to waste her time keeping her lips poochy and her hair expensively highlighted to be acknowledged. Groom yourself, strive to be healthy and fit, care about the lives of others, and hone your craft. Strive to be interesting. Have something of substance to offer the world. That's the way to stand out, to be ageless.
9
Why is everybody missing that Alexandra Grant is obviously dying her hair gray? I love the look! She is hip on fashion - maybe a little to old to pull off the gray as a fashion statement. Here face looks young and fresh, though!
3
Really, making the fur coat "A Thing" again is praiseworthy? I guess I missed that memo and hope millions of other right-minded did as well. I feel lessened by having read this. The catalyst for the piece had potential, but it was not realized and devolved into lots of self-referential musings about Botox and fillers etc.
1
Um, is there some point at which Keanu Reeves is going to be expected to look HIS age?
1
Men all over the "real"world are married to and dating mainly age appropriate women. And also a bit disturbing to read an article in NYT where a young writer of 30 range is admitting a obsession with aging over personality and brains. The venue seems off for this type of writing. Nobody in "real life" is doing anything celebrities are doing. Touche to all women who would never be interested in silly guys who only care about a women's age. Not very evolved men.
Why would anyone seriously care who Keanu Reeves is dating, let alone how she looks. He looks totally unkempt--but that's his "style."( Ironically, if he were to shave his beard and re-style his hair, he would look in his forties.)
After his two early movie hits --"Speed" and "The Matrix"--Reeves made about 8 to 10 flops in a row. He has been pretty much box office poison throughout his latter career,. If you were asked to name five or six major films that Reeves made since then that were of artistic historical importance within the annals of Hollywood filmdom, you couldn't do it because they don't exist.
So why all this fuss about who he is dating, let alone how she looks ( which is lovely).
I live in NYC and everyday I see great looking women and men of all ages... The key: take care of yourself, get the necessary sleep, eat right and exercise in some form, and you will have a natural radiance and glow at any age. And that's really all that counts ( unless, of course, you live in Los Angeles).
"...but now as I’ve entered my 30s and have a few lines of my own." Oh, you really don't have a clue as to what is coming do you? Or how it actually feels to have someone in their 30's tell you that it's "OK" to look "your age." Thanks. I'm sure someone will return the favor in about 20 years.
2
It's discouraging that women are so easily convinced that gray hair and wrinkles are not only not "an objectively good thing," but are unacceptable, choosing by preference a grotesque simulation of youth.
1
Whoa! "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure" is 40 years old according to IMDB.
"Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes."
Why is it so important to women that men date women who are the fictitious correct age! I do remember in high school that freshman girls did not date freshman boys. Maybe the boys are still mad and that is why they date younger women. But I doubt it. Maybe it is all about sex but I doubt the too. Or maybe it is not really anyone's business how old lover ,husbands or wives are. I don't like age discrimination any more than racial. Call it what you want but when an external marker determines what is " appropriate " it is call discrimination.Reeves is no hero he is just a man doing what feels right. In other words he didn't need to check her age. He normal.
I agree with the sentiments that mr. reeves’ girlfriend says a lot about his own maturity and his values. Good for him, and I wish the couple all the best. However I didn't really need to know about jean Smart’s sexual antics and outfit on an HBO show. Reading that description at 7:45 am made me spew my coffee!
1
She's talented, she's beautiful, they are happy. Folks, this shouldn't even be news.
3
I am sad to see a piece like this in the New York Times. Firstly, how does the age of anyone's girlfriend matter to so many people? And secondly, how could you write an entire editorial from this? Simply because the majority of people in show business tend to date younger doesn't mean that older women are not desireable. Stop worrying so much about other people's lives and live your own however you see fit.
3
Does the author of this article have a clue about what it looks like to be in her middle 40s? This woman is clearly prematurely grey. So what? But a little grey hair is nothing compared to what normal aging eventually does to everyone's skin. I've seen women who were completely white-haired in their 30s. It's a cool look - white hair around a young face. But Keanu Reeves friend could easily be in her 30s. She has a young face, and figure framed by interesting hair. He deserves no special plaudits for dating her.
4
"now that I've enter my 30s"...dear god, child, you have a lot of growing up to do.
8
I wonder why I continue to pay if this is the content I can expect.
Media obsessed young writers rationalizing their feelings after looking at 3 pictures of a famous person's girlfriend for a day.
Does one even need to say that it's silly to consider changes to your self worth based on celebrity paparazzi pics?
3
Almost no mention of the fact that Ms. Grant is a highly accomplished artist, and it is just possible that some of her appeal is her personality, talent, and achievement? (Also not a great sign that the editors of the piece paid so little attention to this aspect that the earlier version misstated her profession). This is a disappointingly superficial take.
4
When I meet women—and a growing number of men, by the way—who have eradicated their “natural outward signifiers of age,” as you write, it’s like a non-invitation to see their true selves. They seem to be living on a contingency basis, needing to be showered with praise on their outward appearance. As human beings, we are meant to change, including one’s heart, as the writer Maupassant noted. Although we bear the same name throughout our life, he wrote, “In forty years of life we may, by gradual and constant transformations become four or five totally new and different beings.” To me, that natural chronology of a person’s life is what rejuvenates and makes people attractive, let alone stimulating and interesting.
5
Lot of talk about men traditionally choosing younger women. I don't see many making the observation that young women CHOOSE older men. The wants, needs, and desires of the women in this context are completely disregarded. It's not as though they're shelved objects unable to make decisions on their own. I never dated older men because the older man TOLD me to. I WANTED to.
I don't think the surprising thing is that Keanu is dating a woman who is older than 30 or that this woman has chosen to embrace a physicality aligned with her age. I think the thing that strikes me -- and maybe the author of the article -- is how she stands out because in the general media, representation of this age for women is so limited. Ms Grant has a vibrant and creative life, it seems, and that is inspiring to see.
Did anyone consider that Alexandra Grant, a successful artist from the Los Angeles area and who has work in the LACMA collection, was the one to bring Keanu as her date and not the other way around? Or that they were both invited/had tickets?
5
Why do we need *celebrities* to give us permission to feel good about ourselves?
3
Age is only a number. The number should not be the deciding factor. If that is a problem, how and where do we draw the basis.
Mr. Reeves at 55, and Ms. Grant at 46, are the only two individuals, who know who they are, and what to expect from each other. If they both have that understanding, between each other, that is what matters.
We are all spectators, and curious, only providing entertainment to ourselves, at the expense of others.
Last night I saw a marvelous online movie called "Time of the Sixth Sun: Dreaming Ourselves Awake." It was about the awakening of all of us to what is no longer appropriate: patriarchy and misogyny top the list as this has come close to destroying the Earth and ties between men and women. I highly recommend this to all who have a new vision for Earth, for ourselves and for our children.
But what struck me profoundly about this movie, whose premise is that it is the Divine Feminine that is arising now and leading the Earth, and the Divine Masculine, back to balance and healing, is that most of the women depicted were the Elders, from all tribes, religions, and backgrounds.
And they were profoundly beautiful.
Outer beauty is nothing if it is not lit from within, no matter what your age.
The old ways are dying, and we must let them go.
1
The biggest things a person can do to stay young-looking is to eat right, followed closely by exercising frequently. Sadly, most people don't do either of these things, and then they wonder why they look so old.
Not too surprisingly, this article does not mention diet at all, and exercise is only alluded to in reference to trainers. If you investigate all the women mentioned here who are aging gracefully (including Grant), I'm sure you will find that they are all careful about their diets and they all probably exercise. Most of them probably have a low-fat diet rich in fruits and vegetables and some of them are likely vegetarian or vegan.
And of course, this is not just about looking younger for the sake of vanity; this is also about living longer. Almost all of the leading killers of people eating the standard American diet are closely tied to poor diet and lack of exercise. An excellent book on this topic is "How Not to Die" by Dr. Michael Greger.
I'm 54. I'm not sure if that is officially old enough to qualify for memberships in the Society of Dirty Old Men. But if it is, as an unofficial spokesman for said community, I'd advise women who are obsessed with maintaining a youthful appearance to relax. At least 99% of the time the hair color that will look best on you is whatever your natural hair color is, even if that happens to be gray. A few wrinkles are not a big deal. Makeup is mostly irrelevant, and often counter productive. Looking physically fit outweighs all of the above. And an older woman who's managed to stay fit is actually more interesting than a fit younger woman. I don't mean necessarily being rail thin. Just looking like you could go for a hike or climb a few flights of stairs without keeling over is sufficient. Now, if you like dyeing your hair and wearing makeup just because YOU like the way it looks, then sure, knock yourself out. But if you're only doing it because you think men prefer it, you could probably save yourself some time, effort, and money.
7
Today's 20-somethings get it. In the last couple of years, I've had about a dozen young men help this mid-60s grey haired woman up campus steps with my very heavy rolling bag. I don't visibly struggle with the bag, they just step up, sometimes with barely a word, and help me. Clearly there's a huge difference between men of another generation and these young people. I'm glad to see it, and I think men like Reeves have had something to do with it.
1
After dealing with the chemo, surgery and radiation associated with breast cancer, my hair grew back salt and pepper gray and curly. I'm just happy to be alive and having hair again. I've got a new perspective as a flat chested, gray haired 55 year old. Prior to cancer, I dyed my hair brown in order to appear younger (or so I thought). There's nothing better than having my 29-year-old daughter telling me to keep the short, gray hair I have now.
I'm proud of Keanu of stepping out with a woman who looks her age. Maybe he'll start a new trend.
4
Ms. Drucker: I would recommend Wise Women: A Celebration of Their Insights, Courage, and Beauty by Joyce Tenneson. This book informed how I think about beauty and aging and is one of my prized possessions.
1
Here’s the comment I’m looking for (and haven’t seen): “My wife is old, looks old, and is not close to beautiful. She never was. In fact, most people would call her quite ugly, and they’d be right. Still, I love her, and would be lost without her. She makes me happy. I’m so lucky.”
Why is it a given that a beautiful appearance confers value, and that only if a woman is beautiful and fit, does her age not matter?
17
@Boring Tool: I hope my story is close. A friend of my great-grandfather asked him why he married a woman as ugly as my Ggrandma. GGrandpa was astonished, and told his friend that GGrandma was beautiful. And she was. I only knew her when she was very old. I'm not sure, however, that her beauty matched any regular standard. She might have been beautiful because her inner self just came out of every pore. She was one of those people who saw good in everyone, and you felt warm and loved around her. She was adored by many people.
So my ggrandfather DID love her beauty. It's just that her appearance took on the beauty of her character.
5
this piece is an embarrassment on so many levels. but the short list is that the author celebrates the pivot between her self worth and what other people think and do, between her body image and someone else's public display, her self empowerment and the tangle of social categories.
and not just the thoughts, deeds, appearance and social categories communicated by neighbors and friends, mind you: she triangulates on the far distant constellations of actors and their "girlfriends."
i'm a septuagenarian male and, apart from those mirthful twentysomething couplings that go nowhere fast, i'd never refer to an unmarried female as a "girlfriend." she's a companion, for however far she and her partner travel a shared karmic path. and good luck to them both.
8
I'm a Superstorm Sandy victim. I am suffering from a serious illness. I neither embrace looking my age nor reject it. I don't think about my appearance. My appearance is of no consequence to me . Prior to Sandy, people would think that I looked 10-15 years younger than my age. Post-Sandy, I look my age, but don't care.
I look outwards, at the birds, the sunset, and sunrise, as I wonder why people are standing with their backs to the sunset taking selfies, failing to notice that there is a family of rare birds standing right next to them. It's a relief that these individuals are too obsessed with taking photos of themselves to notice the striking parents with the black and white feathers, and bright orange black, and the downy chicks that bring me such a sense of wonder and delight, and provide me with wonderful photo ops, for were they not so focused on themselves, I might have to share the family with the others on the beach.
4
The woman in the picture has gray hair which is the only thing that makes her look older than 30 as far as I can tell. And she probably has had gray hair, or graying hair since she was 30. Kudos to her for not dying the gray and for otherwise acting her age...presumably.
2
One of the reasons I am addicted to Netflix BBC show is the bevy of phenomenal actresses who happen to be middle aged. They don't look maybe 26, they don't look like Real Housewives, they can't fit into their teen aged daughter's jeans, nope, they just look like who they are. And they are ravishing, intense, quirky, funny and complex. Most of the age appropriate women I see in the US media are selling me Depends or diabetes drugs. Middle aged women in the US media are curated by art directors and executives to be well, mostly not middle aged.
10
"I’m not afraid of getting older. I’m afraid of looking older. And to deny that, as embarrassing as it is, would be counterproductive to the many other women my age who feel the same way."
The crux of the matter is that Ms. Drucker afraid of "looking" older.
My husband once accompanied me to a Valentino fashion show at the now closed Saks Jandel store in Chevy Chase. He looked around and could point out every single women who obviously had a facelift, and said that without the lift they'd probably look much better.
I for one would love to get rid of a so-called turkey neck showing up, but won't let a knife even come close to it. Some of my great silk scarfs that are decades old do the trick, and they won't lead to possible complication to boot.
5
@Sarah
PS: When still living in Europe until the tender age of 42, I have never heard any of my female friends in the thirties - the age of Ms. Drucker -, or my age voice complaints about looking older.
2
The fact that this is even a story is a sad commentary on the accepted double standards for men and women and age in our society.
8
She lost me when I read the line "..but now as I’ve entered my 30s ." Please.
27
After 10 years of coloring my hair to hide the grey, I went natural starting at age 49. I get more compliments on my silver hair than I ever did when I was coloring. There is something very powerful about accepting yourself and not letting the beauty industry define beauty for you. Confidence is the ultimate in sexy.
9
Alexandra Grant looks older than her age. That's why she looks "age-appropriate" for 55 year old Keanu Reeves.
It's also why people continue to compare her to actresses who are decades older than her. Jamie Lee Curtis and Alexandra Grant are NOT age mates.
Anyway, I will continue to use retinol, sunscreen, and vitamin C. Managing to look 10 years older than your biological age is not an accomplishment.
2
She has grey hair! And a couple of wrinkles. What a big deal. She looks pretty healthy and in good shape, otherwise. And look at her beau who tries desperately to look his age with that beard and greying sideburns, but has so improbably good hair genetics, and obviously exercises and cares about what he eats, that it is hard for him to pull that trick.
2
I'm 73 and don't care who knows it. I earned every year and I'm much more interesting to be with than 90 percent of 25-year-olds.
18
At 50, when I look in the mirror I see my mother. She died several years ago and I miss her, so it's a happy sight.
21
There's a lot of criticism in these comments of the author for using botox and being terrified of looking older, but I think we all get her point, notably that there is a double standard for ageing and attractiveness based on gender, and that it is a relief to see people breaking out of that depressing stereotype. When, during the last presidential election in France the 39 year old candidate Emmanuel Macron introduced his wife who is 20 years his senior to the public, the French were on the whole delighted. I myself was/am fascinated by Brigitte and found my head being turned by women her age who looked like her. This contagious effect goes to show the importance of models, and that I think is the point of this article.
6
I sometimes wonder if many men want women who are younger because they know that the woman will be able to "care" for them, and with the woman being younger, the man would not need this "care" for them so quickly.
Even 10 years makes a difference with this template.
Consider me a cynic, but some male/female patterns do not disappear with a just a hashtag.
I do like women going silver or grey naturally. Chemical dyes are good for no one. It's great that Keanu does not look sad anymore, (old meme) and Alexandra looks great.
4
Most of the truly sane and hip middle-aged people prefer partners in their own age group. Keanu has turned out to be a pretty great human being and grown so much as an actor.
I am not surprised that he wants to share his life with someone real.
8
1--46 is young. Really. When did we start considering 46 middle-age?
2--Correct me if I'm wrong, but is this article, by a woman, judging a woman by her looks and not by her achievements? When are we going to stop that?
18
@Famdoc we've been considering 46 middle age for a long time because 46 is middle age.
One of the downsides of show biz is that vanity factor.
I understand in that profession, looks are paramount, and trying to remain some glimmer of "youth" is often times at the forefront.
I also understand the difference between "tweaking" one's looks and "overall construction" of one's looks which usually ends in irrevocable disaster.
I keep thinking about timeless beauties like Lauren Bacall. She was a trend setter on so many levels. She became more beautiful as time went by.
All I know is that my husband was a skinny geek in his teens and early twenties but now being well into his vintage years, he looks more handsome, debonair, sexy and appealing every day to me. Love is not blind in our home.
He says the same about me, but I constantly remind him that he needs new glasses because his sight is starting to diminish a tad.
I just wish folks could embrace their aging process instead of run from it in their attempts to change or alter it.
4
I too was thrilled to see that Keanu is dating a woman who is not typical Hollywood style.
I found myself happy for them both as well as the reflection she is putting out there. I too am 46 years old and have grown out my hair which is now mostly silver. Bravo to all the women who are rocking the natural look. Lets set a path for the natural beauty that we all should own.
4
Women don’t become invisible as they get older. They just start to blend in, like most of the rest of us do.
It’s not normal for strangers to ask to buy you a drink or even dinner. It’s not normal to get to skip the line. It’s not normal to get free tickets to a concert or offers from strangers to ride in their fast car, their helicopter, their jet. A weekend in St. Barths? Thanks!
In our salad days, my female friends would regale me with their exploits (see above), the many men calling, the trips, the fabulous nights out.
Now that’s pretty much ended, and they feel the loss. And while I sympathize, I feel bad the same way I would feel bad if Bill Gates was telling me about how he lost his fortune and now is only as wealthy as me. Small violin.
So yes, young women are genetic celebrities, and Keanu apparently likes older women and Leo doesn’t. In the end, there is nothing wrong with -or praiseworthy about- either preference.
Sorry if it feels unfair, but if you want to get a taste of real invisibility and real unfairness, check out some incel chat groups... And maybe you could take the advice I would give them: “If you aren’t physically attractive, be attractive in other ways. Be fun, witty, and smart and don’t be bitter that life is unfair. We all know life is unfair.”
That’s attractive no matter the age or the gender.
11
What adds to their relationship is Reeves is someone who could date almost anyone he wanted to. That he chose someone so accomplished and poised speaks well of him.
8
I'm 62. My significant other is 51. I'm tall. He is less so. We met when I was 52. My hair is long, silver around my face, darker in the back. Several times a year I get a keratin treatment to keep it silky. I use a moisturizer and make-up because those are my preferences. I'm highly educated, sophisticated, accomplished and so is he. I have absolutely no doubt, however, that my value is regularly assessed on the basis of my looks, not who I am. We live in America, after all, and I have never known a time when women weren't subjected to that prescriptive surveillance. In this essay, Ms. Grant is both victim and victimizer and her blindness to her complicity, combined with her sort of desperate attempts to justify Botox in her early 30s, is yet another example of the ways women continue to be scrutinized in this way. Don't vilify her. Her essay is depressing and, in its insistence on evaluating a women as an object, unworthy of The Times. But she is telling her truth. Her truth is discouraging for those who believe we must have come further than this. But we all know we haven't and this essay is useful to the extent that Ms. Grant reminds us that these beliefs have a great deal of currency among younger women and she isn't alone.
21
This picture shows me two people who are not so much 'dating' as in a relationship that doesn't have an imbalance of power in the place where its heart should be. That that seems remarkable is lovely but also sad, because it is an implicit commentary on so many others.
6
This is the only picture I've seen of Grant, however, I'd say that a lot of her beauty seems to radiate from her happiness. My advice to anyone worried about looks is that other people don't focus so much on the particulars of your looks so much as on your overall attitude and aspect. If you have an inner glow it changes everything.
4
Yes. That smile, those eyes. There is a story there.
I will be thrilled to let my graying tresses fly and throw out the retinol creams and the makeup-- right after I retire. I don't care about the dating aspect. People should date who they are attracted to. But are any of these "embrace your age" middle aged and older women still in the workplace (and not working for their own business)? Ageism and looks-ism is a thing, and nobody feels it like ageing women at work. Being invisible is not an advantage, nor is the package of assumptions of what you likely can't do (understand technology, work long hours, produce innovative ideas) that comes with it.
17
The word age-appropriateness is a problem here. You are just contributing to the chaos if you uplift one value judgement over the other. Yes, it’s nice to see a very visible man date a woman close to his own age because when every man over 40 is dating a 25 yr old and every woman over 40 is rocking long mermaid hair that is less about personal choice and more about a artificial standards that leads to a suffocating cultural homogeny and a lack of creativity. We can’t grow as a culture or individuals or create or innovate if we are running around trying our hardest to look 20 ( or impress people, or hold up other artificial standards). When I saw the picture of her rocking her natural hair color and a style that wasn’t halfway down her back I went Yes! It was refreshing and affirming. The article has merit; but the article should be about her; Mr Reeves should be a side note in it, not the qualifier of her cool.
4
Keanu Reeves is 55???
When did that happen?
Ms. Grant and Mr. Reeves look fabulous, relaxed and comfortable in their own skin, sharing their life and spotlight together.
How refreshing!!!
I wish them nothing but the best and years of happiness.
10
Ms. Grant looks great. Lets have more Jamie Lee Curtis, Annette Bening, Emma Thompson people who aren't terrified of a little natural aging. People who have too much work done all start to look alike, like some alien sub-race.
The part that irritates me is the sexism---men are allowed to age but women aren't.
863
@Marti Mart
The women you mention have all had work done--just not as blatant as some actresses.
23
@Marti Mart
I agree with your last comment, but I think it feeds into sexism when we judge people who decide to get work done, especially with language like "alien sub-race." It's a dehumanizing social norm, and a type of violence to exile others because they've sought means to feel more comfortable and body-positive.
11
@Marti Mart as a single, 20-something woman in the early 2000's when match.com was a thing, one of my criteria for agreeing to date someone was that his "age preference" be around his own age. Even if I fell into his accepted range I'd rule him out if he refused to date a woman his own age. Friends told me that I was limiting my options, but I stuck to my principles for exactly the reason you mentioned--that men are allowed to age but women aren't. Ironically, I'm now married to a man 7 years my junior and he thinks I"m beautiful no matter how many age spots or wrinkles I develop!
43
I think naturally grey in women is incredibly confident, attractive and sexy (and have since I was in my 30's)!
2
Unless you are an Evangelical, we all accept that sexual attraction is a result of many factors, primarily evolutionary forces, but none of can control who we find sexually desirable; thankfully we are past telling LGBTQ people to pray the gay away. So it's hugely ironic that a super progressive columnist is so critical of middle-aged men for doing what they are biological programmed to do- to find young women at the peak of their fertile years attractive. Why, when we have made so much progress in accepting and celebrating the full range of human sexuality, is this still an area where we are all so quick to judge and condemn? And my spouse is age-appropriate - I just don't understand why these types of relationships generate so much hostility.
4
@Hotel Al Hamra
As a young woman, I was always creeped out by the middle-aged men appraising and approaching me. Older men greatly overestimate their appeal. I never liked it. Maybe therein lies some of the hostility. Who do you old guys think you are?
2
Yes, this is anti-feminist. And it shows the cluelessness of many. As a woman who is older than both Reeves and his date, I know I can’t have the audacity to look my age and stay employed until retirement age. Looking my age is a luxury I will embrace once I am collecting social security.
8
Most people embrace looking their age as they age. I don't see why his date looking her age is news.
3
This is a major cultural issue for women because men have made that.
Not so much by choosing younger women as companions but, ever since the end of WW2 by advertising that the only desirable female attribute is visible demonstrable youth. Men run the advertising business. When they returned home from war they advertised their group fantasy about women. And they've done an amazingly successful job. Beginning after the war, the graphics in women's zines became gorgeous. Repeat gorgeous. And women wanted to live in the homes they pictured, to serve the food they cooked, and to look like those women.
Compare pre-war women's zines with their post-war versions: Ladies Home Journal, McCalls, Womens Home Companion (Not sure about this last one. I'm 93 - memory? But there were three.)
Believe me Kids. In spite of the occasional memory gap - you've to those, too, right? - I'm cognitively OK. L&B&LLLLL
C
4
This year I was finally found freedom from the vanity and shame of extra pounds and aging. Diagnosed with cancer, I gained weight related to steroids used during treatment. My face became rounder. I was bald for eight months which included eyelashes and eyebrows. I no longer have breasts
Now I have an inch of hair. I feel beautiful and so grateful each day to be alive and living fully surrounded by love
When faced with a health crisis, you realize what is important.
It should not take that for women to embrace their beauty inside and out
20
Keanu plays on another team. This is only his friend like other woman friends. He has been getting by for years on this false assertion.
4
I never drew much attention from men..once had a date back in my prime years who said I was "a decent looking girl who knew how to dress well" (and he thought it was a compliment, lol). While never a hag, I find I am even more invisible in my 60's, and delight in surprising younger folk who are flummoxed by my knowledge or humor or moves or dress or accesories or attitude, or even my age. And I absolutely love my bright white hair!! We women need to sally forth bravely, and find what makes us happy about ourselves at any age. We certainly are not like the Grandmothers I knew growing up, and that is something to celebrate!! No housedresses and Grandma shoes for me!!
3
Botox just makes people look different and like they’ve had Botox. No one is fooling anyone.
I guess the author being in her 30’s would find me very old-looking as I’m in my late 50’s. I do dye my hair and wear makeup, I go to the gym and try to live a mostly healthy lifestyle, but there’s also self-acceptance and being thankful that I’m in good health. People say I look young for my age but maybe they are just being kind :)
I hope the author can be happy and enjoy her wedding. Forget the Botox, it might end up leading to a rabbit hole of self-criticism and disappointment. Be happy you’ve found a life partner you love enough to marry, and celebrate that!
3
Ali Drucker, you have inspired the funniest threads on social media- especially from artists in Los Angeles who admire Alexandra Grant as an intellectual. Clearly you have missed the point that this amazing artist is due the red carpet with or without a date (with or without hair!). She is a major artist in her own right and having had a major museum solo show, is absolutely the kind of guest you would want at any museum function. Did it even occur to you that she might have invited the actor pictured to accompany her to the party? So, back to you... There is a movement called "Going Grey Gracefully," and I invite you to join the thousands of beautiful people who have "given up the bottle." Free yourself from this agism and sexism, and then maybe you will have some true observations to offer us on "sex and relationships" that go a bit deeper than beautiful silver hair.
8
Oh for Christ's sake. Get put on some sunscreen and get out there and live your life. I get more male attention as a 53-year-old woman with squinty smile lines and a grey streak than I ever did as an uptight 30-year-old with highlighted hair and perfect make-up. (If male attention is what you want) If you're happy in your own skin than people will find you attractive.
12
Ms. Grant is a beautiful woman. She probably has substance, and doesn't feel the need to be front and center like so many people in the Hollow-wood world. She also appears to have a fabulous figure on a rather tall frame. Juhs sayin'.
She is in her 40s.... Do you want me to dye my hair gray? I'm 72, and just barely beginning to gray. By the way, come out to California, hardly any older women dye their hair here, and haven't for decades. Northern CA anyway.
3
Sigh. I agree with most of this article (not with Jennifer Lopez wearing fur, in fact not with Jennifer Lopez at all, remember the M&Ms?) but of course women should shamelessly show their age lines, their gray or silver hair, and their less than perfect skin. Most of Europe is way ahead of us on this. If Ms. Drucker is only in her 30s and already getting Botox, well, she better start saving her money because there's a long, long way to go. I think it's unnecessary to use the celebrity comparison model to discuss age-related shaming and prejudice. They don't live in the real world.
3
It’s interesting that the writer, who has just entered her 30s, thinks that Ms. Grant “looks 46” while Gabrielle Union, Eva Mendes, Penélope Cruz and Victoria Beckham do not. As a 49-year-old woman, I do think these women look like they’re in their mid-40s.
I think so many of us have no idea what a woman in her 40s or 50s “looks like.” Society at large has turned a blind eye to women in this age group. Even when we’re standing right in front of you, you don’t see us. Instead of seeing us for what we are—a group with huge amounts of variance in our appearance thanks to all kinds of factors—society keeps up this nonsensical idea that after 40, we all naturally look like the old Disney witches unless we use cosmetic magic to turn ourselves back into the princesses.
I have olive skin and some gray hair. I’ve chosen not to dye it largely because I’ve got better things to spend my money on! I work out to stay healthy and strong, and to counteract the slowing metabolism. I’m not wealthy and I don’t have a personal trainer. I’ve never done any kind of Botox or plastic surgery. People in their 20s and 30s always express surprise when they learn my age. Some might be doing it to “flatter” me but I think more often it’s just that they have no idea what women our age actually, naturally look like, because we’re just totally overlooked.
2
The predilection of male movie stars for much younger women is probably still the rule, rather than the exception. The 2013 science fiction film, “Gravity,” starred Sandra Bullock and George Clooney. The joke made the rounds that Clooney’s character cut his tether to cast himself into space and certain death, rather than spend one more minute in close confinement with a woman his own age.
3
I am well beyond 46, Ms. Grant's ("advanced") age, and Ms. Drucker's (holy cow, a woman in her 30s looking at Botox options). It sometimes seems there's been little progress in divorcing women's actual worth from their physical appearance and "youthfulness." Newsflash: (beloved and feminist) actor has nice night out with woman only a decade younger. OK millennials, please (please) do better. Thank you. OK boomer -- a woman who is content with her age, the way she looks and more importantly healthy, with a great job that makes her financially secure, wonderful children (and grandchildren), and happy.
1
Watching these comments and hoping a woman in her 60s or 70s will post, "OK, Millennial."
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@JeffW
Ok Millennial.
I’m 60.
1
The most interesting thing I learned from this is that Keanu Reeves is 55 years old.
2
Sad, I think, that the author believes it takes a "message" from a public figure, albeit a marginal one, to feel comfortable aging.
Does she believe a lot of women share her feelings? I don't.
And she can pretend all she wants that people are "thrilled" about Reeves's choice of girlfriend because she's closer to his age than many actors' girlfriends. But we all know what many are thinking: Not that she's unattractive but she's certainly not as attractive as one would expect considering Reeves could have his pick of virtually any available woman he wants.
Perhaps people are "thrilled" that a man like Reeves doesn't place the importance on both age AND beauty that some others do.
If we are being honest, Ms. Grant looks closer to 60, while Keanu could pass for 40.
It's mostly the hair. A good coiffeur could do wonders. She has a lovely complexion.
No doubt she is an interesting, stimulating individual.
The public figure who sets the bar for "age-appropriate" partner is Emmanuel Macron.
Whatever works for Keanu and Emmanuel.
4
In a world driven by a culture that worships and chases youth, I find the ability to interpret age gets distorted. She looks 46, not 55. As a culture, we objectify girls and sexualize them early for more mature looks, then we expect middle aged woman to look like girls. It's a perverse way of achieving the same goal - treating women as if they are required to look a certain "peak" age instead of allowing them to just be.
2
Looking to Hollywood for wisdom is looking in the wrong places.
Embrace your age all you want, but don't do it because one actor dates a 46 year old woman.
2
I've been watching Queer Eye and I highly recommend it to everybody. Their message is not about fixing, it's about working with what you've got and they believe everyone is beautiful. And it's true. Showing up, being kind to ourselves and others, smiling, being friendly, dressing and grooming and taking care of our environment with thought and care is what matters, now fretting over superficial things or becoming depressed about things recant change. I also think it's unfair to take one still photograph and make any conclusions about a persons looks.
3
Get your head out of Hollywood and its mirages !
Look at life, look at our world ; beautiful and imperiled.
Find deeper values if you are able.
Don't be stuck in a conventional, no-effort-mode.
2
This poor woman will now be scrutinized and analyzed across media platforms &apparently seen as a role model - because she is "dating" Keanu Reeves. There is something to be said for being a "nobody" and hanging out with nobody's.
Poster boy, poster boy, poster MAN ! I believe that men who date women significantly younger have a problem liking themselves. These men are conning these younger women into selling their beauty for material happiness. It's all so superficial there are layers of bling before one gets to the real genuine person. We are starting to see the lies of the political landscape changing. Let us hope that this happens in the bedrooms of America.
1
Celebrating the fact that Keanu Reeves is trotting out a woman who is age appropriate just perpetuates the idea that woman should be sooo happy about getting the approval of men. It makes you feel better about aging because Keanu Reeves says it’s ok. Rethink.
3
I am glad that Keanu Reeves managed to get his pics go viral plus extensive coverage for attending an event with an attractive woman that wears her life experience well.
1
Really, does this deserve ink?
And do we now need a celebrity to model whom we should be? Sad.
3
I can’t believe the New York Times published this. I’m embarrassed that I read the whole article but I was hoping for some words of wisdom to emerge. What’s most disturbing is that Ali Drucker judges Alexandra Grant only on her appearance. She doesn’t even mention her art, her work, her extraordinary creativity and her collaborations with great writers and thinkers. Does Ali Drucker even care about who Alexandra Grant is as a person? Alexandra Grant radiates inner beauty, intelligence and confidence, a woman who lives her life with purpose and without regard to external judgement. People (men and women) like that have a powerful attraction and appeal that can’t be bought or injected. It’s not a question of age. Ali Drucker appears to be a pathetic victim of American pop culture propaganda. I doubt that Ms. Grant watches “Watchmen.”
14
When we fail to develop certain qualities and senses that apprecaite some real human pleasures that are beyond sex etc as we get older, we are destined to fail against time for certain. May be this is the reason we are on this earth that we have to somehow manage to transcend our certain desiers, otherwise we are destined to unhappiness.
1
To me, she looks more youthful than Donald Trump's poor wife who does a great job of keeping up with his "my type" standards. Flotus is only a few years older, and I bet she's reaching the stage in her life where she'd just love to occasionally step out without the meticulous face treatment and garden without the heels.
2
Here's the math: 80 is the new 50, so 50 is the new 30. So the author is a mere baby, culturally speaking. If you live long enough you'll feel younger and younger. Laurence Olivier said something like "On the inside we are all seventeen."
2
I'm her age, in my opinion she looks great for her age, fit and a pretty face that has not been messed up with interventions, but is aging well.
What is striking is her date, who at 55 looks amazing compared to the men I meet at his age. Generally I meet men at 55 who are fat and have let themselves go who feel entilted to a woman a decade younger who is fit, healthy and energetic. The men who are fit, healthy and energetic at 55 feel entitled to a 26 year old.
The irony of all of this- the challenges I have of finding a man "age appropriate" for me, but still fit enough to enjoy life, is that it is STUPID easy to find younger men happy to date an older, happy woman.
1
Nothing is more painful to see is a woman who has done so much work to their face as to become a warped version of their former selves. That’s why I love Helen Miren who seems to embrace her age with grace, it doesn’t hurt that she’s a brilliant actor. For the most part you don’t see men do this to themselves .
But--you ARE "a desperate cougar trying too hard." As a woman gleefully a few years past menopause, I am so grateful that I am not now--and wasn't in my 30s!--comparison shopping for 'plastic surgeons who could do my Botox just right'.
I look great for my age, but the benefit of being a grown up woman past menopause is being PAST all that. Evaluating yourself on your appearance, desperately trying to look 'great for your age'. Grow up.
4
Botox injections, collagen, silicone implants, plastic surgery are all part of a strange mindset instigated by the ad industry and physicians who grow wealthy selling it. This obsession with skin and its changes due to aging has created a self-obsessed culture. We have more important things to consider and more important problems to solve. Get over it, America. Look outside yourself instead of in the mirror. Take care of your health, improve your minds, and forget about spending a fortune with the cosmetic industry.
1
She looks healthy and self-assured with an open intelligent friendly face. That's not simply what 46 looks like. That's what SHE looks like.
I'm an artist. I teach in an art school. If hair is dyed here, it's purple, pink, blue, etc. Un-dyed hair is often stunning gray to silver. This is what women look like who look like themselves.
Put away your botox. This is what feminism looks like.
3
If Rosalynn Carter’s Husband Can Embrace Looking His Age, I Can Too. Inspiring.
2
Anti feminist? The notion of being "anti" based on personal opinions and experiences on a single matter, like aging is nonsense. It's as though there is some dogmatic feminist code against which one cannot reason and reflect without doing violence to a principle.
40 is still a baby! (I'm 54) — 60 is the new 40!
What impresses me as well is her dress: "The Greek Godess" deserving of our respect! That's the kind of dress that exudes intelligence and charm! She'll woo you with a potion and tell you stories of Thermopoly as you consider in yout thoughts how it will be possible to get closer to her emotionally and physically! That's way better than a 24/7 twerker! That's a candle by the fire place!
a combination of a totally bizarre article (is she really writing and thinking about this?!) and at nearly 70 feeling comfortable with my age and that I look it, I’m surrounded by people who hate the reminders that they’re aging...yes,those reminders are everywhere. The real message is to be older has a message or feeling of “has-been”, past prime, not up to date, etc... Why can’t people be appreciated for their age and respected for what they are. It’s really another example of diversity...diversity in age!
Enjoy your age, it means you’ve lived!
All viewpoints, right ? As a 60 year old dinosaur BOOMER feminist, this really offends me. I’d be glad to write a rebuttal, civil and for free.
Seriously.
4
Getting older is a fact of life -- get over it; enjoy your "golden years". they aren't as bad as some folks would leave you to believe.
1
Anyone who says, youth and beauty doesnt matter are either lying or naive.
No need to be 'afraid of looking older.' It's a good look!
Ali, you can really throw some daggers. What I see, is a women that is confident, sexy and has great hair! Who knows maybe she colored her hair a bit to enhance the gray. I know I do! It fits her skin tones well, a smile that's amazing, that's what I see and love. Her authentic smile and natural beauty is a breath of fresh air! I wish more women were like this that are in the spot light for the world to see. I'm guessing that's what Keanu sees too. I can't imagine spending time before your wedding searching for the botox that will make your wedding day just perfect!
I always find it disconcerting when an intelligent woman comes out with honest feelings about her aging, her weight, her hair color, or her appearance in general, and then other women gang up on her with their self-righteous and condescending comments-- accuse her of being too young to understand what aging means, or of being too shallow to know what life is really all about, or of being sad, or of embarrassing THEM. Really, ladies?
When did body acceptance or feminism come to mean that it's stupid or shallow to care about our appearance? When did it become OK to scorn other women about what is or isn't beautiful to them? Spare me the retorts about this being a male-directed piece of our womanhood, breaking the chains of appearance that women have been forced to be in for centuries, blah blah blah. I'm familiar with all of that, trust me.
But I've spent most of the 51 years of my life being pretty secure about my appearance and now I am very much mourning the loss of many physical traits that made me feel like who I am--on all kinds of levels, both personal and in the world. I don't want to be invisible. You think that makes me shallow or that somehow that is sad or embarrassing? That's your problem, not mine.
@Dar James Ms. Drucker discusses aging in the context of social acceptance, not her personal feelings. As she says: "I desperately want to see wrinkles and gray hair as an objectively good thing (look at these lovely markings of your full life on this planet!), or at least as a neutral thing, but the truth is I don’t yet. I’m getting married next year, and much as many brides search around for a hair stylist or makeup artist they like, I’ve been comparison-shopping for plastic surgeons who can do my Botox just right." That's not caring about your appearance; that's being desperately afraid to look your age. Feminism has never meant that it's stupid to care about your appearance. Rather, it is to celebrate your appearance, whether that's being completely natural or enhancing your looks because you choose to, not because you feel pressure to maintain some socially acceptable standard of beauty.
Wow! When a women in her 30's feels pressure to have botox and is worried about looking old... I think it shows how perverse and how ingrained the misogyny is in American culture. Try spending time in Europe, where a natural woman (gray hair, wrinkles and all) is considered beautiful.
5
Wow. What a sad commentary on insecurity and the need for social validation. We need Hollywood celebrities to give us the OK to look our age? We should let dermatologists and colorists tell us how to look? If you can't accept yourself for the unique individual you are and see beauty in your inner as well as outer appearance, then no amount of Botox or hair color is going to compensate for that lack. And if men can't appreciate a woman for who she really is, that's their loss.
3
So for all the progress women are trying to fight for, we still subscribe to archaic thinking that we need to look juvenile and perpetually young to be attractive to men? This is what my traditional mother-in-law said to me decades ago when I got married. She told me the secret to a happy marriage was to always strive to look younger than your husband. Well, frankly, it's been happier to simply be oneself with no make up, no dyes, and no pretenses. The real secret to a successful aging is to be perfectly content with oneself. If you keep searching for affirmation in everyone else's eyes, how can you claim your life as your own? So, kudos to Keanu Reeves and his beautiful companion. They look happy, old is in the distorted eyes of the beholders. Good for them they can see past the layers of make up and botox. Maybe the author should lean into herself and introspect about why she is uncomfortable with who she is. I hope the younger generations of women blow this misogynist image of plastic youth to bits. Women with brains that is, for the rest reach for the Maybelline....
Oh, Ali. This article makes me so sad. I like the sentiment (I think) but the line about the woman looking her age, or more, felt like a few steps backward from what I thought you were trying to convey.
Let’s just celebrate the fact that she’s beautiful and beaming and leave it at that.
Good luck finding that Botox MD and maybe make sure he’s on speed dial if you’re starting in your early 30s!
2
I wanted to date a younger man when he asked me so I did. At first it felt a bit strange but then I realized I was going out to movies, bike-riding, concerts, sporting events, parties, and dinner with friends also 15 and plus years younger than myself. Neither I didn't feel any stranger than when I when out doing the same sort of activities with people 1 and plus years older than myself. When we decided to get married my only concern for him would not to be able to have a family via me. He said he didn't care. Well, we have been together now 18 going on 19 years in December. We don't regret it. But why am I not a headliner for robbing the cradle? Oh! I get it! I'm not famous.
Since she has such an interest in writing about this subject I wonder when we can expect Ali Drucker to write an article about the 24 years difference between Trump and his current wife, Melania.
I watch (too much) political cable news shows. Nobody on these shows has wrinkles. You never, ever see wrinkles on anyone, even the men, even in commercials. They've all had work done and probably quite a lot of it. Sometimes it seems that their mouths don't work right because of all the work. What that does is give us a wrong perception of what people 'should' and 'do' look like and I bet it affects us 'normals' on a subconscious level that we just are not aware of. There are no 'real' people on TV and we 'real' people think we should look like them.
1
Judging by the instant proliferation of columns like this, is it any wonder Mr. Reeves has been reluctant to bring a girlfriend along on a red carpet. "Come on sweetheart, it's just a quick walk down a carpet followed by endless media speculation about your appearance, age, occupation, possible motivations and what all that means to the world at large." Really.
4
The other day, the NYT had an article on the lack of people of color on The Real Housewives. They ran a photo of a couple of dozen of the "housewives." They all had the exact, same, puffy lips, obviously done with implants and enhancers.
Have we become like the old Twilight Zone segment, "Number 12 Looks Exactly Like You?" In our stampede to not age, and to be what advertisements tell us is desirable, are we all going to end up looking exactly alike?
And, Ms. Drucker, don't have those Botox shots for your wedding. People who have those look like they're wearing masks, which is a worse look than having wrinkles.
1
Funnily, the author doesn't mention the semiotics of female bondage in Alexandra's dress with the rope-like trim at the top - a private joke perhaps. The author's frequent references to the woman as simply "Keanu Reeve's date" seem to extend this trope because they effectively diminish Alexandra's authentic identity.
1
Don't be afarid, Ms. Rucker. Your body will send you this remarkable message with every passing year; with every passing year it will seem more cogent: all this age and beauty stuff isn't really that interesting any more ao just relax and shrug off some of thse faux fears you think you have. Maybe stop looking at younger women so closely and remember this: barring a tragedy, everyone gets a shot at it.
This woman has gray hair and she's wearing it natural. That's it. She's beautiful, thin, stylish. The only thing not "Hollywood" about her is the gray hair. Good on 55-year-old Keaneu for bringing a date close to his age, but let's not make such a big deal about gray hair.
1
Jennifer Lopez is an extreme comparison, it seems she is at war with herself forever dressing like a much younger version of herself. There is nothing wrong when a woman want to change her hair colour, touch of botox, its going under the knife which destroys the last vestiges of sex appeal - there is nothing left once the face is stretched back removing all character. When physical beauty is about health that is attractive, as for a 6 pack, not necessary. It must be awful for these young girls, fixing lips, face etc to get older - what are they going to do once they turn 35!
All my best to Alexandra Grant and Keanu Reeves.
I actually don't care how old or young you are or are not - it doesn't and shouldn't really matter. You appear to be healthy, wealthy, attractive, happy - awesome.
I am in my 60s, and for my entire life, I have found the "natural woman" look the most attractive.
Eat well, sleep well, exercise, and forget the cosmetics, diets, botox, surgeries, etc., because the first three will take care of everything you need to be beautiful.
Embrace the imperfections that distinguish you from some misguided image of what society expects of you.
Straight out of the shower, just as you are, in a t-shirt and jeans. Oh, baby.
5
Oh, there is just so much wrong with this piece, starting with the author’s specious argument, which in no way promotes healthy aging for women. The author’s seemingly winking nod to her own misogyny does not offset her sad and bizarre belief that at the tender age of 30 she needs Botox to fight (gasp) wrinkles. Have you heard the TV ads listing potential side effects? You’re willing to risk all of that to smooth out a wrinkle? News flash: Many of us (I’m 56) have not and do not use Botox. We’re proud of the lives we’re living and our faces reveal that life. I would love for the author to revisit this topic in a decade or two.
2
You might get over that fear of looking older. After a while the things you have to go through to "look younger" are not worth it. I'm more afraid of looking ridiculous.
The fact that this article as to be written at all is an indication of how upside down our culture is. Not even sure where to begin, actually, so let me just say this: there absolutely is a lot to the cliche that how you think about age has a lot to do with how you old you feel (assuming you do the things you need to to keep your body healthy). So quit worrying about those filler-defying wrinkles (or, better yet, forget about the filler!!!) and embrace all of the things that come with a few years under the belt - a little more wisdom and perspective, knowing what / who you like and don't, and the people that you are lucky enough to have developed strong relationships with.
And PLEASE stop worrying about what celebs do on a Saturday night. They're just out to enjoy life and, ideally, age gracefully like the rest of us. And I'd argue that those that do it better are probably able to get over the ridiculous, vapid, idiocy of celebrity culture to at least some degree.
1
After all the tragedy Keanu Reeves has had in his life, it's nice to see him looking happy.
1
I just saw Jane Fonda, a person I have never really liked, interviewed about her position on global warming, which is nice of her the brand that movement with her brand, looking just terrible. How much 'work" has she had to have that wrinkle free face? Ugh. I do not have an opinion about people who have a "little work" done, but come on people, there is a limit.
As I grew up, I watched my mother and her sisters age. I could be the youngest sister we look so much alike. The oldest sister wanted to be an actress. She always wore makeup, had her nose bobbed, and at 93 still colors her thinning hair. My mother was a schoolteacher who colored her hair until it was mostly gray, wears lipstick when she goes out, and has always loved designer clothes—but not her life. The youngest sister married a college professor working on his PhD. She shopped at thrift stores, never bothered with hair, nails, or makeup. But she has a smile that can light up a room. I decided to be like her and often get compliments on my white hair and beautiful skin at 70. My advice? Smile more. The wrinkles you get will be good ones.
1
What am I supposed to do? I'm a 68 year old man. Everybody is younger than me!
Please relax, I'm kidding - well I am 68 years old, but about the rest (I'm too old to use lol)
85
@PeterJ : You seem like a really fun and great guy! Thanks for your comment...it really made me smile :)
13
@PeterJ I'm laughing too! I once told an acquaintance that he made me laugh. His response: that's how I get the hot girls. So there.
8
Speaking about looking your age, Mr. Reeves is remarkably free of the gray that begins on most of us by that age. I think the news story is a bit narrow in its scope by focusing on women. A lot of guys play this game as well.
Kudos to Ms. Grant, who looks great.
1
Thank you and Keanu Reeves. There is an entire spectrum of people to be honored and cherished for their worth, which only superficially includes their ability to pay for plastic surgery. The more we see women of value with the honor and integrity to simply be themselves, the better for everyone in our polyglot culture.
3
For those who don't know the backstory:
Keanu Reeves had a girlfriend, a serious girlfriend, named Jennifer Symes. She gave birth to their child who was stillborn.
In 2001 she died in a car accident.
He reportedly hasn't dated since.
So, for people who care about him, this is a very happy thing.
And no, from what I've read about him, not surprised he is bucking the Hollywood trend of dating women young enough to be his daughter.
443
@RLiss ~
Thank you for the backstory. It really adds meaningful context.
22
Don’t be ridiculous. He has dated since Jennifer died. There are plenty of pap photos to prove it.
In 69 years I've never worn makeup. I think my skin is the better for it, but who knows. (My wallet benefited, for sure.) I love my grey hair because now if I want to put a little purple in it, I don't have to bleach or pay someone big bucks. I just daub on what I want. I like a lavender frame around my bare face. Kindness and humor are what I want to see in the mirror. Face the world with your personal truth.
2
I rarely see young women dating older men who do not have money. It's the rare older man living on disability, or social security who can attract a 25 year old. Guys working in blue collar jobs almost never have wives significantly younger than they are. Strange isn't it, that the men with the investment portfolios seem to be oh so attractive to younger women, while the blue collar car mechanic or truck driver isn't?
2
@Ms. Pea oooh a good mechanic would be extremely attractive!
(I’m 71, and happy)
1