‘Big Mouth’ Is the Queer Childhood I Wish I Had

It's nice to see a Times article mentioning "Big Mouth," but there are many other wonderful aspects to this show. The Times tends to write a lot of articles about certain fashionable TV shows and films -- lately, "Joker" and "Succession," but I can remember about half a dozen features seemingly all at once at the third season of "Stranger Things." Other shows don't seem to get as much attention. I never saw a better episode about menstruation than the one in "Big Mouth"'s first season.

Part of the narrative should include respect for adolescents who are private and who don't want to share their sexuality with anyone and how that's completely normal and okay and there is no need to feel the pressure to 'come out' and how if you don't 'come out' you aren't disrespecting the broader 'LBGTQ community'. (whatever that is)

I recently saw "The Favourite" as an in-flight movie. Half of the plot revolves around Queen Anne's Lesbian relationships, openly portrayed. In one sentence, a common, but usually censored, profanity was uttered. Times sure have changed. trump or not, once the closet door is opened, it will not be closed. Any parent who disowns a child because of their sexuality, is committing child abuse.

In both the US and the UK, acceptance of legal rights for homosexuals and bisexuals is lower among people in their 20’s than people in their 30’s and 40’s. See recent studies by GLAAD/Harris in the US and The [London] Times in the UK. Using a cartoon to come up with a dream world where this isn’t true and gay kids can all go to the prom is frighteningly delusional. A majority of these kids [the straight ones] are so ignorant that they actually believe sexual minorities have federal civil rights protections in the US so the whole issue is resolved anyways.

Just more disgusting media glorification of gender confusion. Thankfully it's on Netflix so parents can stop young poeple from seeing it. I won't be surprised to see it become integrated into public school curriculum though sooner or later.

I am a Gay male who was born in 1955. A Gay adolescent character in an animated T.V. series. What will they think of next?

It’s appropriate not to explore your sexuality as a child.

I suspect just about all young gay men are tired of "queer" as a term. Please stop.

A friend of mine realized, along with most of his family and friends, that one of his sons was gay, but the son, as of age 21, had not come out. One of his cousins (then in his late 20's) said, "He should just come out and get it over with. No one will be surprised, and no one will reject him." I'm sure it's not that simple, and I suppose that the gay son was waiting for signs that his friends and family more or less knew his unsecret secret. I have lost touch with my friend - he moved to another coast - but I would be curious to know whether the son - now in his late 30's, has come out.

We live in a divided society. Political and social viewpoints differ greatly. Some of us can not understand how Republicans tolerate Trump's actions? This divide might be represented by a rural-urban divide. We tend to live in bubbles. Thus, although being queer and coming out may be easier for some, it is not easier for all. It is essential to have LBGT positive in the media. But we should not assume that the coming out process is now easy for all. (I doubt that kids in rural Montana or Georgia are coming out at age 13.) We need to ensure that resources exist for the tens of thousands of kids that can NOT come out to their parents in high school. We must remember that depression and suicide rates are higher for gay kids. The USCT will decide whether Federal law protects gays from discrimination in the workplace - whether they can be fired for being gay. If conservatives write the opinion, they will allow discrimination. Will Federal or States legislatures act to provide such protection. It will likely take decades. So, I applaud anything that promotes acceptance, but let's not fool ourselves and think that liberal norms are universal. Let's avoid believing that life in our bubble is universal.

I mentor boys at-risk for HIV. Many of them do sex work. They don't carry the baggage of typical adolescents. Their baggage is a lot more breath-taking. People see delinquency, the juvenile justice system, and detention. None of which work. That people do not understand homelessness, hunger, and hate, is not news. For boys at the bottom of the patriarchal hierarchy, homelessness, hunger, and hate, are the status quo. Sexuality is a remora. So is school failure, addiction, and being kicked out of the house. I am suggesting the culture does not work for them. I am suggesting that white, middle-class America is out of reach for them. I am suggesting that prison is their future. I am suggesting that sexuality is something so convoluted for them, fate unfolds in self-defeating, and scheduled ways. "Big Mouth" will not be infected with HIV. He would be too informed. Much of the information the boys I deal with comes from what they refer to as "tricks." Turning tricks is how they survive a capitalism that makes no place for childhood. Their childhood is prostitution. Violence is a pressing issue. Their tricks are your husbands, brothers, friends, fathers, and anyone else whose sexuality lives in the shadows. The gay community is afraid of them. So few are reached. Public health treats them with contempt. Education kicks them out. Family is hardly sacred in this milieux. Religion condemns them. AIDS is not over. Not for them. Many commit suicide. It is easy to lose all hope.

We've come a long way from the 1967 T.V. documentary ‘The Homosexuals’ (CBS reports) Thank God. But even then the fact that the program was on T.V. and represented me was a godsend. My 22 year old self was transfixed as I watched it in my home with my parents sitting silently in the room. I was alone there, but there were other people like me. And I might be O.K. Flawed as it was it made a difference. Good on you for giving kids representation.

Thank you for this thoughtful essay. My only criticism is that obviously the world is more just those countries in the industrialized sector that have advanced as you described. You think "our imperfect world is becoming increasingly friendly to queer kids." This is true for us only if our personal "world" is separated from global reality. Barbaric persecution of queer people is virulent in many countries, and the liberties that we have won so dearly are endangered everywhere with the growth of right-wing movements.

Another show I’ll never watch!

To parents out there who wonder how to inspire acceptance of humanity - especially when our country is so full haters: for me, it's all about the conversation in the car. When my son gets in the car-ever since he was little- if he asks a question about something he heard from schoolmates that day, which may sound more or less tolerant of differences, my first response-before anything else-is: you know that's all part of normal. Normal is a really big place. Now that he's a teenager, I hear him saying back to me, that so many differences in the world are absolutely normal - and he describes his debates with kids and teachers to promote fairness. But the one difference he still refuses to tolerate- and gets really angry about, just like his mom? Intolerance.

Very interesting story. What it illustrates for me is the economic division in our society. “Most L.G.B.T.Q. adults could not openly explore their sexuality as children, but the Netflix series provides a template (and hope) for future generations.” The key word here is Netflix. How do most inner city children who grow up in lower and middle income homes receive their TV? Through Netflix ($$$), through cable TV($$) , or over the air TV($0)? The Netflix series “Big Mouth” and other socially responsible series should be syndicated on over the air TV. This will make them available to most inner city and rural children. I am a retired older adult. I do not have cable TV, or any subscription TV. I receive my TV over the air with an antenna on my roof. I live approximately 27 miles from Manhattan in Nassau County, receive 69 TV stations, including 6 Spanish language and 2 Asian language. I receive 5 additional audio only stations. With its most recent updates this summer, the reception quality of over the air TV is as good as cable. For someone who grew up in the Bronx in the 1950s the reception quality is amazing.

Thanks For That! It really cheered me up and given what is going on in america and in much of the world these days, we can use all the cheering up we can get. I'm a straight 60 year old white male and i never heard of the show but it's incredibly uplifting to hear of such monumental changes happening in such a short timespan ( during the life of a single individual) for an entire group of humans that have - for thousands of years - been oppressed, tortured and not allowed to be who they are. All that history of suffering and misery for nothing, for no good reason at all. One forgets the radical changes that have liberated and are liberating people around the world given what is sitting in the oval office. But it provides a different perspective on this current nightmare when one realizes that we are going through it because the people that want you in the closet ( or worse, much worse) have lost the war and they know it. This is blowback, and given demographic realities, a last hurrah of hate and intolerance.

We have a local alternative high school where each student gets to say a bit at graduation. It's a running joke, with some truth behind it, that commencements aren't as interesting anymore because no one's using their time to come out. Mr. Dunst will be glad to know that there just isn't the need.

I've been surprised by how much I appreciate this show. It's so humanizing on so many levels, for the LGBTQ community described here, but also more broadly for bringing tender humor to all of the weird and wonderful, if embarrassing, confusing and...human...things that make us all so much more alike than different in our search for love and understanding...

Is it appropriate -- as the author describes, presumably with approval -- for an 11-year old to discuss the portrayal of sexuality in a cartoon with its creator? No 11 year old I know now -- nor at any time in the last 40 years -- would be comfortable with such a discussion nor have the experience (intellectual or practical) to have such a discussion.

As a lgbtq person myself, I would personally hope that shows with representation of people like me in them would also be of good quality. Guess not...

Mr. Dunst seems a bit late to the party. I fully realize that I was not the norm coming out in my teens and openly dating other boys during high school in the early 1990's. But by the time I was an adult working with queer youth in the mid-aughts, the proliferation of GSA clubs and supportive educators meant there were out queer kids in high and middle schools across the country. The climate they faced was not always welcoming, as brave students like Constance McMillen, Charlene Nguon, and the students of the Boyd County (KY) GSA - among countless others - can attest. But queer youth regularly coming out long before they reach adulthood is not a recent phenomenon by any stretch of the imagination. It's been widespread for more than a decade. The (queer) kids are alright. And have been for awhile.

I am distressed at the author's use of the word "queer". I guess I am offended by this word because I am 84 years old and the "Q" word to me is as fraught with shame, horror and disgust as is the "N" word to African-Americans. I suppose it is some mark of "progress" that certain words once identified as being the vilest of hatefull expressions have now run their course and have become tamed down as it were. Even so I wince when I hear the term and I don't like seeing it in print as if it were normal, proper and somehow something to be proud of. I am a gay man not a "queer", thank you.

News Flash: Cartoons (Animation) aren't real life, so it's not clear why the writer thinks his life as a child should have tracked the the TV product he so admires. Not clear why coming out sooner - when one's sexuality may not have been fixed by genetics or other factors - is "better" that waiting until the subject feels ready to disclose his sexual orientation to others. Cartoons are an entertainment, not real life.

This is great and encouraging, but for all the references to LGBTQ, this article is all about queer cis men. I'm all for queer and trans solidarity, but if you are not going to even mention gender identity in this piece, can you really speak for "LGBTQ"?

I wish I liked the animation, but I don't. Guess big mouths don't appeal to me.

So glad to see the sea change in acceptance of non-heteronormative sexuality. Amusing that the writer didn't feel free to "come out" until age 20, and that 20 is the median age for coming out (or at least was in 2013). This 69-year old man didn't come out until age 33 (and even then didn't do so freely); my 79-year old partner didn't come out until age 47. Amazing to see how rapidly society has changed (for the better) in this regard. And delighted to read that teens' use of derogatory remarks referencing gayness have decreased.

Big Mouth is breaking so many barriers. At first I was hesitant for my teenage child to watch it, but now I think it's fine (and I told her it's okay to ask me any questions about any of the subject matter). Teenage years (and bodies) are messy, awkward, and confusing for both teens and their parents. We might as well have a good laugh.

I would not allow my kids to date ANYONE at 13. Early teens are not ready to be in sexual relationships, nor should they be in exclusive relationships.

Wonderful essay! Well done! Describes the experiences of so many older LGBTQ people. "What would it have been like if..." there had been more tolerance, more awareness, more discussion, more visibility. American society has come a long way--though I don't think coming out in many (most?) high schools is easy.