The Hardest Part of Home Schooling Was the Guilt

I taught students in public school for 25 years. Ms Deon's daughter, her daughter's current teachers and, ultimately, all the rest of us are fortunate that Ms Deon has taken her daughter's education seriously.

This article -- a profile of one homeschooling experience -- is a headscratcher. The headline implies the author regrets homeschooling her daughter -- a possible shaming tactic against those of us who opt out out of traditional schools? Then, upon reading the article, we learn the author is proud of her innovative teaching methods, but actually feels guilt for not seeing her teaching all the way through. A bit misleading. Also, can we please move the conversation forward re: the "what about socialization?" hand-wringing? Yes, kids are exposed to social activities in traditional school environments, but they are far from the only places where kids learn to interact with one another.

I simply do not understand this article at all. What is it about? Truly, I cannot figure it out.

This is a bizarre and strange article. Is it the story of a very bright child who was unchallenged at school AND at home? Or about a parent with a massive ego who overestimated her child, took a gander at homeschooling and kind of failed at it?! Either way, it’s not a good story.

Good article. I wouldn't have gone to the "advanced" math test, but as an Algebra tutor I learned that this is a particularly difficult subject for parents to teach to their tweens and young teens. It creates many conflicts, doesn't matter the education level of parent, it just is. I don't know why this is but could speculate. Just hire a tutor, they work better with your kid than you will on this subject.

"A few years earlier, a placement test given to elementary school graduates showed my daughter was off track. Based on her scores, she would have been placed in classes that wouldn’t challenge her, and I feared she’d be stuck in that stream for the rest of her school career." What does this mean? Her daughter scored high and would have been placed in courses that were too slow? If so, why not supplement her education or move her to a different school? Or is she saying that her daughter's scores were mediocre but she thought her daughter belonged in a faster class? Why did she sign up her daughter for an advanced math placement test when her kid had been taught only half the curriculum? What an egotist.

I'm afraid this is more about mom's ego than anyone cares to admit. Moreover, it was an utter lack of strategic planning. It's fantastic to have your child have such a rich educational experience, well above and beyond what most schools can provide. But if you're enrolling children in public schools, it's your duty to ensure they are prepared for the curriculum taught in those schools, not the curriculum you wish they had. If Ms. Deon had had her child sit for the standard, not advanced math exam, her daughter would likely have easily passed, if not aced it, and could progress to higher levels, if needed, in subsequent grades. The wishful thinking (unravel) strategy wound up costing her daughter pain and a loss of confidence. I'm glad to hear she's doing better now. I do hope all parents carefully consider their own aims, and temper that with what is truly best for the child.

The fact that you still call your daughter “my baby” says it all for me.

Please don't feel guilty. You did what was right for your child.

When many hear “homeschooling,” they think parent as the “teacher” and the child as the “student.” Times have changed! There is now unschooling, funschooling, worldschoolers, roadschooling, etc. Many of us say “homeschooling” because it’s just easier. There is also SDE, on-line classes, co-ops, meetups, play groups, so much out there. There is no right or wrong way. I appreciate the author sharing her journey. It’s always nice to hear other people stories because in the end we are all just doing the best we can.

This entire story sounds contrived. There are inconsistencies in the abilities of the child and the mother. I think this is fiction. If anyone reading this has any amount of education, homeschool or institutional, it is easy to see it's prop. D-

The hardest part of homeschool was realizing I waited too long. I had no idea when I pulled my child out of our local public school that he coudn't write a complete sentence. I only knew that he was suicidally depressed after a nightmarish 7th grade year. Much of our 8th grade was spent helping him recover and regain confidence. I wanted him to love learning like he did long ago, before school took that away. The inability to write was a shock. My son, however wanted to go to college. He had big plans. Most importantly, he was happy and we were able to start again. This time I brought in a writer not a teacher. My sister has a true gift for teaching though she has no special credential. She simply is a great writer. And after her care so is my son. My son is now finishing his senior year and taking dual enrollment classes. I have been sneaking peeks at his essays in our shared drive and I am blown away at what he was able to accomplish once he was set free. He goes to college next year and I will cry happy proud tears.

We homeschooled our two kids through seventh grade. Both are now enrolled in public schools and thriving. I never regretted homeschooling though I'm glad we put them in school when we did -- they are getting things from school that we never could have provided. However homeschooling allowed us to form a solid base as a family, with lots of fun visiting all 50 states and taking time to enjoy childhood. As with anything parenting, the key is to be flexible, recognize when something is no longer working, and be willing to change it up to meet everyone's needs.

No. This is not what home schooling is. Wasn’t for me or for my kids. One child, two years means nothing. I homeschooled six kids (and they all had/have tons of friends so not sure what went wrong with the author and her child there) and the one who didn’t do well on a similar math placement test went on to a PhD in science at an Ivy League school. Throw out the tests, I say. Homeschooling is about letting kids loose from the establishment. If schools were so great, then all the kids popping out of them would be fantastic academically and socially. Not so. But sending your kid in to take a standardized test (especially math) and expecting them to wing it is setting your child up to fail. I never set my kids up to fail. I LET them fail if they didn’t do the work they needed to do. AND I have never let them guilt me because homeschooling might have deprived them of something...all of life is a trade off, and the road less traveled is not always the better choice than the road traveled... go cut your own trail, I tell them. And I say that knowing that I taught them well, and, most importantly, I taught them by example how to get along in the world (be socialized), make and keep friends, and figure out a way to learn whatever they need to know to make their way. I’m getting a little fatigued with people who have barely stuck their toe in the water making sure pronouncements on homeschooling, breastfeeding, whatever....the mistake was the author’s, not homeschooling.

I salute parents who while working full time are able to successfully homeschool their child if they find insurmountable deficits in the traditional education system. I felt I had no choice but to try it for six months with my middle school daughter. She had been outed as gay by her so-called best friend and was suffering from classmates throwing food at her at lunch while the administration did nothing. She was diagnosed with migraines, anxiety, depression, and had occasional weird health symptoms that made regular attendance even more of a burden, and the teachers often "forgot" to create her packets of make-up work even when she had a doctor's excuse. At age 22 she was definitely diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. But I still rage inside when I recall the cruel school nurse who said she was faking it when she had a bout of ataxia, the teachers who were completely unsympathetic. No one in the school system told me about IEPs. I finally had enough and just pulled her out. Luckily, her pediatrician, who always believed there was something seriously wrong (even after the first ped neurologist dx of only "migraines"), arranged to get her into the public school homebound program, in which certified teachers could meet with her one on one in our home. My spouse and I both had college degrees, and I had taught for two years as a college TA, but it was exhausting to work a full day and come home to relearn "covalent bonding," etc. with my child after a full day at work.

I'll share this as a person who works 'on the inside' AND homeschools. The tests can be gamed and they are NOT an indication of a students' intellectual ability or future prospects. In fact, we get news every day that more colleges are doing away with these placement tests as a measure. What parents need to do to prepare is sign up in advance and take the practice tests. Then learn how to take the test. Don't try to flex your intellect on these test. Just learn the ins and outs of each test question. There is a science to taking these tests. That's it.

I homeschooled for about a year. My first day of school at home with my 4 th grader was 9/11/2001. We had planned a great day of learning. After the attack I didn’t want my child to loose her innocence on her first day of school. My older kid was in the high school I dropped her at that day. After that day our desire to try this wonderful learning choice ebbed and flowed as I became afraid to go to special homeschooler events at theaters and libraries and public places. So by April we placed my youngest into a public school again. I believe that parents with college degrees and the financial means should definitely consider homeschool education. Find a support group you fit into well and go for it. My babies are adults now and successfully executing their daily lives. As adults they seem open to all possibilities and are informed and aware of our crazy world and crazy humans we encounter. So I applaud this author. Testing ! Why?!

I can't imagine being sent to take a math test that I had only learned half the material and been expected to figure out the rest on the fly. The lesson I would have learned is that the one person I looked towards to guide me through a really difficult task wasn't very prepared. I best not trust their judgement in the future.

Part of an education is learning how to function within the system. Sometimes one will have to deal with teachers or supervisors who are not as smart or as bright and perhaps as well educated as they are. So be it, that is life. I too am a college professor. I too have bright (now very much adult) children. I too was not enamored with educational systems. That is why I pointed them in the direction of additional and supplementary reading and study. This would also teach them intellectual independence. But I also insisted that they learn how to navigate the system, from kindergarten through graduate school. Additional was additional, never instead of. Teaching as Ms. Deón knows is a profession. Teachers are professionals. College professors teach their college students. They should let the professionals, with their foibles, everyone has foibles, teach and educate their students. If one does not like it, supplement, enrich, guide. Worked for my kids and seems to be working for my grandchildren.

So I read that you didn't even finish the course AND the daughter was sleeping in every day. Welllp there you go. Teachers don't get the option to just say "sorry we're out of time" and kids who go to school don't get to sleep in. Huh.

Gee, the article about your daughter is really all about you. Kind of like...homeschooling. And yes you can pat yourself on the back for doing a passable job, I suppose. Not so the mother of the girl at my daughter’s SAT who so sheltered her from direct action with the outside world that the poor kid couldn’t find the room, because she didn’t know that 200’s are usually on the second floor.

I found this painful, albeit an eventual success story. And yet, I'm left wondering why the parent couldn't cover the other half of the algebra course, and had an expectation that the kid could 'wing it.' I realize that we learn by defeats, and likely it all resulted in a happy hazy memory, and yet... I'm neither snowplow not helicopter parent, but am a little queasy at the idea of setting kids up to fail. The test wasn't a grade for the parent (can we ever get beyond viewing our kids as anyone other than these amazing small individuals, not a reflection of our own aptitude?), and maybe it's that which is unsettling.

I've read so many stories about children homeschooled for religious reasons, that it's wonderful to read about a parent strong and smart enough to use homeschooling as a way to empower her child to academic and social success in the secular world. I'm hoping for more great things from the daughter—and the mother.

This article is not actually about the mother’s guilt. It’s actually a brag about her brilliant daughter.

I see this as a story of success. The mom shouldn't view her experience with guilt. She taught her daughter how to learn, to adapt, to think critically and deeply about subjects not likely covered in public school with the depth they covered it; these are all valuable skills that will allow her to succeed in life no matter what she chooses to do. These skills are even more important than learning algebra at the "correct" age. With a strong foundation such as the one her mother gave her, she'll be able to learn what she needs when she needs it and thrive. Her success in school since re-entering public school clearly proves that she did well as a teacher for her daughter. Even more importantly, they spent time forging a bond they would not have had time to forge had her daughter been in public school during those two years. Bravo mom! You did well!

I've been homeschooling my kids for 12 yrs . 1 went to public school for a short time the other has never attended . Putting to much emphasis on tests sets your child up for failure. It's not always about putting it down on paper. Its does the material you tech have life value that they can use in life productively? Life skills aren't taught in schools their taught at home . Bullying isn't a right of passage. Teaching your children to be better starts at home without the influence of bad behavior from others . I'm not sure why she didn't have friends being homeschooled thats not the normal way things work. My kids have many social interactions that are healthy. They also have close friendships. I think the difference is at school you need to pretend to be something your not to fit in . Homeschool children can be who they are comfortably and make friends with who they want without being judged by clicks of students. Homeschooling also teaches time management , responsibility self sufficiency. My kids are well rounded academically and in the ways of running a house hold from financially to repairs. They aren't forced to learn 1 trade they actually have experience in all major trades with competency . Bottom line is your kids know what you teach them. It doesn't always have to be what the school dept wants either. I'm over teaching my kids something they will never use in life . Teaching to a test completely stunts their creativity and love of learning.

I’m glad to see that homeschooling has reached the national conversation. Congratulations to Ms. Deón for taking on one of the hardest tasks I know, teaching kids. Not just helping them through academics, but giving them a solid moral and ethical foundation on which to approach the world. As a physician, my biggest life challenge has been homeschooling my 3 kids. My husband and I committed to homeschooling from the beginning with a plan to keep it up for as long as we could offer more than a school experience would. The journey has been mostly uphill because it’s tough being a parent and a critic but essential if you want a strong academic underpinning. For us, objective testing in math, science and grammar was key. However, we discovered that the most important part of the equation was the time put in talking to our kids and sharing our core values and beliefs. Moreover, we’ve seen that homeschooling can provide social opportunities unavailable in traditional school. Our oldest 2 have formed friendships with younger and older kids alike from more diverse backgrounds than our local, homogeneous public school would offer. More importantly, they have made mentoring relationships with adults outside the family from whom they’ve gained real world experience. Our oldest will graduate from HS fully homeschooled, the middle is in a unique school full time, the youngest is in a co op. Homeschool is not a panacea but no time spent with your kids is wasted as Ms. Deón clearly knows.

This is such an eloquent, honest, and nuanced reflection — tackling a subject that is more complicated than a simple formula of "right" or "wrong." What I most appreciate here is the writer's willingness to take risks, not only as a parent but also as a form of self-examination in public. Brava to mother and daughter, both.

Unfortunately, home schooling does not always work out. I don't know how many elementary kids I had to remediate when parents could not teach. Many could not read with understanding at all. I'm glad the girl recovered and learned new skills, but that's unusual. For me, this is not inspirational, it's a sad memory of home schooled kids let down by parents.

Two powerhouse women spend two years in each others' company and then surge onward to succeed in their separate spheres. Thank you for a moving, inspiring story.