A Firefighter’s Suicide, and the Latent Toll of 9/11

Firefighter suicide, often said to relate to PTSD, is now a national concern. I served as a firefighter for 22 years and having retired, look back with great satisfaction as well as the occasional flashback to indelible images of death, usually involving children. Confronting the experience of witnessing the in-your-face deaths of others, often in everyday environments is jarring, to say the least. I once responded to a suicide where the patient had severed an artery with a knife in a perfectly white kitchen; walls, cabinets floors. Blood was sprayed everywhere in arcs and dribbles. The effect of it was of a Jackson Pollack canvas -- that image is with me for life. Or how about three children under the age of seven sitting in a rear facing seat in a station wagon when they were rammed from behind and trapped, dying in front of you, one, two, three? Firefighter and paramedic recruiters need to identify the attributes of the resilient human as a top priority; people who will likely experience the trauma and deal with it in as healthy a manner as possible. Substance abuse whether on or off duty, should be discouraged positively and treated when it occurs. And the road to opioid abuse often begins with pain reduction after an injury. Personal mental health care and maintenance should be seen as evidence of maturity and leadership; in other words, it should be "cool." Preventing suicide begins with hiring and never ends because our burden is carried for life.

I'd like to forget ...

The story of Matt Byrne‘s suicide is another poignant reminder of the tragic ripple effects of 9/11. I am, however, puzzled by the references to attacks rather than terrorist attacks. The NYT needs to tell it like it is.

First of all, please don't grill me for saying this, and nothing I'm saying here is meant to offend anyone who thinks differently. Even to this day, whenever I look at the WTC today, I see defeat rather than victory. For me, not having back what we lost that day feels that we did let the terrorists change us from that day not to mention as if we made monuments to thank them for doing so. In other words, Osama bin Laden, despite being long dead, will always have the last laugh on this. The whole idea was to make us feel scared and by not rebuilding the Twin Towers, we let that fear take over. Let's not forget how much of a boondoggle each component became, which showed how much we could have saved had we just got back what we lost only with better safety modifications and a more appropriate memorial rather than what we have now. I know there will be those saying that this is better than just having the site become an entire memorial or just left as it was after clean up in claiming that you can't please everyone. However, this isn't about pleasing everyone, but rather cheating them instead to have something most people didn't even want as the hearings and events to them have shown. As a matter of fact, there have been countless stats that have shown that many preferred rebuilt Twin Towers over what wound up there. More importantly, I've always found it an irony to those who claimed that rebuilding them would be disrespecting as if putting up this wasn't.

I worked in the North Tower of the WTC and have a difficult time on this day every year. The memories are vivid and they are painful, but we will never forget. We must never forget.

In the From the Times section: "Break-In at Trump’s Golf Course, and Taylor Swift’s Mansion" This is worth clicking on and reading for anyone who has a house, or even an apartment with no security. Some of the TV coverage I saw has been a bit lighthearted, I guess given the names involved. I'm glad the Times article offers a sense that, though no one got violent here and the person felt at home enough to take his shoes off for a reason that can make us chuckle, there's a bit more to take from this. That people need to consider that if a wealthy celebrity's house can be accessed by a harmless intruder who seems a bit whimsical, it can also be accessed by a greedy thief who is in full control of what their goals are and may not think twice about harming someone inside.

At this point in time on September 11 me and my daughter were on a subway heading to Fulton stop, when we heard the announcement about a bomb, then a woman next to us was crying hysterically... she said her mom works in a tower...it was a complete bedlam, no one new what is going on. They said that train will not stop on Fulton and instead will go to Wall St. That was our 1st time in this area, since we move from Chicago at the end of 1999. I remember so clearly when we got out of subway papers flying in the air, ashes we were moving closer to Twin Towers, people were talking about the plane that hit the building, we looked up one tower was on fire...it was like a horrific dream when you wake up in cold sweat. We took the last train to my other daughter work, and from there we walk all the way to UES... It was the longest, saddest way back, when people already knew that another plane hit a 2nd tower.

How many heroic people died, how many people are still dying, how many fights for Victim Compensation Fund... Finally 18 years later on July 29, 2019 the newly signed legislation, championed by comedian Jon Stewart, ensures the compensation for victims through 2090. Jon Stewart took it all the way, he never abandoned these heroes. Grateful to live in this city, alongside such great courageous people. It gives me hope.

Thank you for the Matt Byrne article.

Never forget. Reading these accounts of various people still suffering after 9/11, it seems we are all somewhere on a continuum of pain - from the families and the poor PTSD lady on one end, to those of us who witnessed from afar and still get that old feeling in the gut every year, to the kids who were not even there but now live in a world tainted and twisted by it, without knowing it. I realize the world cannot forget even if we tried - we are all in this mess together now. God help us.