Left-wing liberal lefty here. My niece recently attended an art camp in Napa Valley. According to her 40 out of 100 kids identified as nonbinary at camp. She told me that a few of her friends were telling her that she should also choose to label herself as nonbinary. This is definitely a trend that is catching on quite quickly and I believe that many kids who identify as nonbinary are from liberal, educated families whose biggest fear would be appearing to be judgemental right-wing wackadoos. How many kids would choose to be nonbinary without peer pressure and excessive media influence? Everyone wants to be interesting.
77
This is just disheartening. Why or why do so many of us dwell on sex and sexuality? There can be so much more to childhood than sexuality and gender identity politics.
49
Though it reveals that my mentality (at age 60) is not yet quite up to par with Zephyr’s, one of many facets of this piece that stands out to my troglodyte brain is of the cisgender boy who chose the all-gender cabin “partly to get away from his brother”.
!
24
this is a nightmare. women and girls shouldn't have to bunk with male bodied people, ever -- at camp, at school, in changing rooms, ever.
47
Wonderful anecdotes -- what a view of what could be possible. How great to have a group of parents down with the idea of offering all-gender cabins.
10
Awesome!!!
11
Longtime Tawongan here--So proud of Tawonga for leading the way in inclusion and celebration of all people. I started my job teaching in a public high school this week, and it is vividly clear just how badly these messages are needed by so many youth. I asked students to share their pronouns in their introductions and it was clearly a novel idea for many. I hope Tawonga continues to push and that our society's conception of gender norms grows to encompass all gender identities. It's a fire that needs to spread.
31
And yet, the
"Progressive" "Left," demonizes Jews...you know the ones who created the abolishonit ideas, guilds/unions, social constucts of socialism/communism, championed civil rights, human rights, child labor laws, etc...etc....
16
It’s hardly the “Progressive Left” that demonizes Jews, it’s the far more dangerous and extremist Right-wing who does that on their own just fine.
Many Jews were the original progressive thinkers, including Samuel Gompers, Justices Felix Frankfurter and Louis Brandeis, Emma Goldman, Bella Abzug and Allen Ginsberg, to name a few.
13
All this academic language commmmon now how about even the nytimes ‘dumb’ down a bit to simply articulate these particular issues???
1
It seems that the NYTimes hit a sensitive spot for many commenters prejudices and ignorance. Keep producing articles that help us all understand and be accepting of all people please.
42
Being confused about whether to call someone "him", "her', or "they" doesn't make me a gender bully, just confused. It's getting so you can't tell the personal pronouns without a scorecard.
Nevertheless, I really can't understand some peoples' eagerness to punish others for the "crime" of simply being different. Maybe the NYT can find a study of the psychology behind that.
11
Love this! I have never heard about this camp and now I will keep it in mind for when I have children. Reading about a religious organization not only being welcoming and accepting but going well out of there way to support all people gives me some hope. These children may go back to commumities that are not as accepting but knowing a people and a place exist where they are safe and wanted just as they are may help them manage. Most of my friend group, including myself, are not 100% straight but we grew up in a time when it was not so common to be open with it. When I finally told my mom she somewhat hilariously overcorrected from "oh no you can't have children because they'll be bullied" to being so overly nice to my new girlfriend that the poor girl was very confused. I'm fortunate that the worst I had to deal with was a few weeks of talking to my mom about somethings and her being worried I'd get beaten up if we left more progressive areas. For many kids and young adults they deal with so much worse at a time in their life when they are establishing themselves as independent people and need affirmation. Made my morning to see that this camp is offering that.
12
Good for them. Good luck dealing with the invective that conservatives will unleash. I'm all for doing what works, but please, "they" is plural. Our language is already being undermined largely by the right who is destroying meaning word by word.
10
They is used instead of “it”. Sorry that’s how language actually works.
7
@Barbara Murphy, then we need a new "it" to more humanely define "her/him."
13
Summer camp can be transformative— it was for me. How wonderful that more kids can experience it. Bravo to Tawonga!
15
I am still very confused by the conflation of gender nonconforming and non-binary gender identity.
It really seems like the progressive left (of which I count myself in in may ways) still deems it okay for certain habits, hobbies, traits, etc to be in the box of male or female. It's reductive and shallow.
Granted, I don't spend much time with 10-20-year-olds, so there is no one close to me to show me the way I suppose, but I just don't get it. And I worry that it's unhealthy, mentally, to tell feminine boys or masculine girls that they are not actually boys or girls, but sometime else, all because of what they like *to do*.
47
I am the parent of a trans-female teen. As I have observed, and as she has described to me, her sense of self is innate, it is not driven simply by a desire to engage in traditionally female activities. While she feels the need for the world to see her as female (understanding she will always be viewed as transgender female) she wears minimal make-up, typically dresses in a t-shirt and jeans and loves outdoor activities such as Outward Bound and NOLs (I am similar, both in appearance and interests). She is fully supported by family and friends and is a high achieving student. The biggest thing I have learned from all of this is that being transgender is very much not a choice, it is simply the reality for some.
21
@AnnMacD And that all makes sense to me. My sense of identity as a woman goes beyond my "femininity". It's deeper than what I do or how I look.
The idea of non binary is where I draw a blank.
12
@AnnMcD - this describes many girls who do not question their gender. Jeans and T-shirt, minimal make up with a love for being active and outdoorsy is actually me, yet I never thought of these characteristics as not feminine. In fact, I never felt constraint on a personal (Not societal) level by my gender.
I think it is fabulous that young people question all these things and resist traditional gender attributes. I just have a difficult time understanding why this is called transgender.
25
This is excellent, however, I can't help but be frustrated by feeling overlooked.
Camp Unirondack in New York has offered Gender Inclusive cabins since 2015. It's now the default cabin choice with parents opting IN to single-gender housing. The majority of our campers, of all age sessions, are in gender-inclusive cabins. We no longer have single gender multi-stall bathrooms, and have been promoting these initiatives for years, even speaking at a national conference promoting them this past year.
I don't in any way mean to take away from the good work this camp is doing so please see this critique as a "YES! And also..."
The biggest reason I bring this up is that I think in order for us to know where change can go we should be promoting initiatives who are at their most radical progression and not lauding moderate progress. Of course it's a bummer to be overlooked for doing something first, but inclusion isn't a race. I just want to see radical work promoted over moderate ideas. I would love for someone to see the work Unirondack is doing and say, "yes, but you can do more!" So here we are.
Thanks for reading and being willing to promote trans-inclusive content.
52
I recently found on line and re-read an essay by the late Norah Ephron in which she riffs on the topic of her disappointment and confusion at not growing breasts along with her peers. She is a humorist and I laughed with her at her adolescent consternation about her bra size 28 AA and the subsequent inconsistency of her chest size depending on which "falsey" she was wearing (this was the sixties). She wondered if she would tip into boyhood at any moment. The concerns of developing teens are widespread and include girls having "unwanted hair", boys being "small for their age". The standards for physical appearance are most stringent in the USA. Many women in Europe, for example, do not bother to remove body hair. One would advise caution in particular reference to surgical or non-reversible procedures in the young. As we mature we sometimes champion a look that we once were ashamed of. For example we may come to admire the mono brow and moustache of the artist Freda Kahlo. When the article mentioned a set of twins I wonder if twins are more prone to gender identity questions than others?
8
“May the Lord protect and defend you,” the happy campers sang. “May God always shield you from shame.”
I appreciate this prayer but I’d amend it with “May God rescue me from my shame.” Shame is universal and every human being must battle against it. There is freedom when this battle is won for us in our soul. Suicide is a heartbreaking end for those that lose this battle.
No question family units as broken and as messy as they are need to hold high unconditional love for each other. We’re not in a sprint but a journey that lasts a lifetime.
I think a lot of these issues get ironed out as humans learn to live more integrated and embodied lives, not dualistic lives. Be generous with grace to those around you.
5
There has to be a way to accept and tolerate individuals who are different than the rest of us without butchering a living breathing language.
A language without a set of rules or structure is not a language anymore.
15
This is beautiful
4
Wait. Is the "preferred pronoun" literally "he/him"? I thought that "he" would be the preferred word in a sentence that calls for a pronoun, and "him" for a sentence that calls for a direct object.
6
Aren’t most Americans already “gender non-conforming”?
I mean, the only person I know who conforms to rigid, classic, stereotypical gender roles is my 94 year old grandmother, (who never worked outside the home, wears dresses and makeup all the time, and dusts her entire home each day.)
In contrast, I ( a 43 year old female), jog and hike and cook and knit. I wear skirts some days and pants other days. I sometimes (but not always) wear make-up. I have worn my hair short and also let it grow long. I love yard work so I do that; my husband cleans the inside of the house. We both work. We both cook. We each do our own laundry. We don’t have children because we didn’t want them.
We just consider ourselves to be typical current-day Americans. But this article seems to suggest we are “pan-gender”....
90
@GBR I think what you are describing is the fact that gender roles have expanded in recent decades, and that is a good thing. It's wonderful that you feel that you can jog and hike and wear dresses and pants without feeling like any of that challenges society's expectations of you as a woman.
But think about it from the perspective of someone who was assigned male at birth. What if they want to wear a dress? Paint their nails? Shave their legs? Those things aren't yet part of society's definition of "manhood," so people assigned male at birth who want to do these things might choose to identify as "gender non-conforming" to give themselves the freedom to do these things.
53
@GBR
There is a huge difference between acknowledging “gender non-conforming” and accepting and embracing “gender non-conforming”.
This all-gender summer camp, kids actually feel "free" and happy to be who they are without the fear of snide, snickering, mean and hurtful looks and/or remarks.
These kids are at an extremely vulnerable age. What they need and probably crave is love, support, acceptance, and a sense of being just another human being, like everyone else on this planet.
I don't think the goal of this article was to make anyone feel bad per se, but to showcase and highlight this wonderful concept of an all-gender summer cabin where kids can be free to be kids without the fear of any negative or hurtful encounters.
For all anyone knows, this camp could be a real game changer in the lives of so many young people.
37
@Anna But doing those things doesn't make them not a man, even if many people would ridicule them for it. Which they shouldn't! We need to expand the idea of maleness, not freeze it in time and then create a new label.
40
At almost 70 read this with tears of jealousy and joy, wondering how my life might have unfolded if such a camp existed when I was growing up. Thank you all.
140
I am grateful to Jewish entities for being so visible and principled on this and many other issues. Episcopalians and UCC’s are great too.
Overnight camp has been a formative and core experience for Jewish and Protestant kids for 100 years. It’s a really good thing.
76
@Cousy
Although I'm Jewish, remember the UUs. One of their holy days on their calendar is Pride.
18
@Cousy
You got me thinking: wouldn’t it be great to re-establish summer camps for adults?
Summer and Overnight camps are great for renewal and a better way to connect with others. I wonder if the would be a good way to fix alienation, too.
23
@Madeleine
Camp Tawonga has several weekend programs for adults. https://tawonga.org/programs/year-round/weekend-family-camps/
7
When my now adult children were young they were in a playgroup with twelve other children in our far west Chicago suburb. When those children became teenagers, four of them came out as gay, bi-sexual, transgender, and non-binary. When I wondered why such a high percentage of the playgroup didn't identify as heterosexual my daughter suggested the parents had a role by giving their children a loving and accepting environment to become who they really are without fear.
138
@Laura
I thought this was a very nice insight. Instead of looking at what a parent could have possibly done wrong to "cause" a child to be LGTBQ+ your daughter was thinking about what they did right to support their children so they could be their most authentic selves.
39
I can accept non-binary gender identity. My problems are grammatical.
I find myself having real trouble using plural pronouns to refer to single individuals. Especially when I have to clarify with my daughter whether she wants to invite over a group of friends for a particular event or is planning to hang with one of her non-binary band buddies.
109
I’m trying to figure out if this question is as innocent as it sounds?
8
@SDC The use of plural pronouns is at best a stopgap measure. Better would be an all-new pronoun, but one would be difficult to introduce and get accepted. There may be ideas we could draw from other cultures or history.
28
@SDC You and everybody else use the singular "they" all the time, whether you realize it or not. "To each their own," "Someone left their phone in the bathroom," and "Every team member accepted their award."
Additionally, ambiguity is rampant in the English language. When your daughter says something is "cool," does it bother you because you have to clarify if she's talking about the temperature, or someone's attitude, or how fashionable something is?
All of this is to say that we accept a lot of inconsistency and ambiguity every day in our language, so any claim that it is confusing to use "they" in the singular is baseless.
55
I often wonder about these kids - when I was growing up, it was difficult enough just being a teenager with all of the hormones and social pressures going on, and I knew without a doubt that I was a boy and I liked girls. To have a gender identity issue on top of the usual things that we all go through must just be overwhelming at times. I'm glad to see that at least some of these kids can have the freedom to be in such a lovely non-judgemental environment.
132
@Michael
You are right.
Gender non-conforming people can be highly resilient, but affirming families and communities have the biggest impact on well-being.
10
@Michael
Fortunately children, whatever their gender identitity or sexual orientation, do so much better when they have accepting people in their lived even if the larger environment is not accepting. I imagine that all of these children have families that are at least somewhat support if they willingly send them to this camp. That goes a long way. That means these kids are probably less likely than the general youth LGBTQ+ population to end up homeless before 18, develop mental illness, or die by suicide.
10
Camp activities include children writing love letters to their bodies and cross dressing. Surely building campfires, learning orienteering or some outdoor survival skills would be healthier and more confidence-building. Taking an already self obsessed generation and encouraging them to "love their bodies" at summer camp does not sound healthy or enjoyable. This is too much.
121
@Thadeus yes, outdoor survival skills would probably better foster mental health. But, given that no one bats on eye at weight loss themed summer camps - which have existed for years - this may be as good as it gets.
13
Tawonga has the full range of outdoor activities as well.
14
Thaddeus, you’re assuming that survival skill training and campfire building doesn’t happen just because it wasn’t the focus of the article. Inclusion and empathy and acceptance were the focus of the article. You really think those are unworthy skills and traits to add to life experience?
31
Beautiful. We're lucky enough to live here in San Francisco, where our public schools are on the cutting edge of acknowledging gender fluidity, and my two young kids are growing up in a world where they and their friends can be who they are. My nine year old wrote a comic book about a monster last week, and part way into the story, we learned the monster preferred to be called "them." So cute.
French philosopher Julia Kristeva wrote about the "future perfect self," a time when humanity moves past gender and race classifications and everyone exists on the same footing. Here's hoping we can make it there.
12
@Todd I suppose this will mean we incubate embryos in medical facilities because we won't allow for bodily differences?
9
Being "gender non-conforming" was once recognized as a goal of feminism and egalitarianism. Children (and adults) are not well served by the current notion that it constitutes a special identity.
34
omg. possibly the last place I would ever want to send my child.
71
@Mr. Prop Silk "Want" has little to do with it. The true question lies in if you are able to recognize whether your child needs or would benefit from going to such a place or not. Even today, few "want" a gender nonconforming child -- it's not a hopeful outcome for a lot of parents -- but many still recognize that it's about the child and who they are, not what the parent conceives them to be or is trying to force them to become.
20
Really? Because the article painted it as so unwelcoming, unfriendly and miserable for children? Perhaps Tucker Carlson Camp is more your bag.
17
@Mr. Prop Silk
Why?
5
I was especially struck by the comments of the cis boy, who found relief from the oppressive confines of macho boyhood in TG-6. If only every American boy could experience this, maybe we’d see less violence and better mental health in young men.
280
Being generous and compassionate towards others is a fulfilling way to go through life. Nice to see these young people experiencing and developing it early on. Their elders could learn a few things from the acceptance they extend to each other.
203
I don’t pretend to understand the non-binary identity, but I don’t have to...what I have to do is accept and support. I love that these young people can find peace at this camp...the world and people in it can be so cruel.
240
I think that non-binary means that they may shift between genders or express multiple genders at the same time. Basically, not being exclusively make or female. I’m not sure, but I hope this helps.
10
Shifting between genders better describes identifying as gender fluid than non-binary. Non-binary can also mean feeling neither male nor female, ie not ascribing to the gender binary at all. That said, it certainly means different things to different people.
17
My 10 y.o. came out to me as non binary a few days ago. I didn't understand why my child, who I've always encouraged to do as they please without worrying whether it's too feminine, felt they needed to move away from the label of "boy." Why not just continue to be a boy who likes pink? But last night they asked me to paint their nails, and they were so excited about it, thanking me over and over again. I reminded them that I'd painted their nails as a boy, too. They responded that the pushback that they got from others was enough to make it feel like they couldn't have painted nails and still be a boy. Calling themselves non binary has allowed them to feel like they can be themselves without having to adhere to gender norms. They are happy, so I am happy.
152
This is a wonderful notion. Practically, how does this work? I first dropped my swim suit at camp in a cabin with other same gender boys; same for public showering with others. Are these kids changing clothes and showering together (while nude) with other pre-pubescent non-binary kids? That seems perfectly ok but I am curious as to how this specifically is managed. Public nudity is arguably a part of socialization- so how is this handled with the non-binary in the throngs of puberty?
7
This is a fascinating article about a very interesting cultural phenomenon.
First, I am happy for those Jewish transgender kids who find a place where they can be themselves and enjoy the summer.
However, one does wonder about the wider social, cultural, even political, implications.
Judging from this article, camps such as this offer little more the "Jew-ish" decoration to an ideology that has nothing inherently Jewish about it. Parents who thinks such a camp will help their kids gain any meaningful sense of a Jewish identity are kidding themselves. This camp's ultra-woke agenda has little to do with Jewish culture and traditions, and even less to do with the great majority of actual Jews, past and present.
Similarly, one wonders if this camp prepares them well for life in the diverse 21st-century USA. It is clearly a bubble, representing an extremely tiny group of ultra-woke, presumably very wealthy, White, secular, Jewish, west coast elites. Hardly a preparation for interacting with wider American society.
Finally, I must add my doubts to other commentators here regarding the mental health implications. Transgenders are very real, and deserve to be respected like any other group. However, they are numerically tiny. I fear that this camp may confuse cisgender kids who are simply not conforming to all gender stereotypes (who does?) to labeling themselves "non-binary" too quickly, instead of realizing that there are many ways to be a boy or a girl.
16
@Peaceman
I have been to Camp Tawonga on several occasions and my wife and many other relatives have spent their youths there. It is a place that takes Judaism very seriously and weaves it in to most aspects of camp life. So many of the presumptions you make is your letter seem to have little t no basis in reality. Have you actually been to the camp or are you merely making unfounded assumptions?
12
@Peaceman, there are a lot of ways to express Jewish identity. Tolerance, kindness and preservation of nature are Jewish values. Kids get plenty of opportunities to 'interact with the wider American society', much of it damaging to those that don't conform to traditional gender roles. This is a rare opportunity for them to be among more tolerant peers. What could possibly be wrong with that?
Regarding your concern that this will be confusing to some, I think it's more likely to be confusing to adults than to the kids.
11
Why did the smiling writer expose this safe haven?
Please be more careful with others.
2
This is a bad idea because this concept can and probably will be used by straight male predators trying to surreptitiously gain sexual access to biological females, if it gains traction. And it’s surprising that in this era of MeToo few people have pointed this out.
10
@Eugene sadly, straight male predators seem to be able to gain sexual access to biological females quite readily and effectively already without having to pretend to be another gender identity at a kid's camp.
18
Striking how highly gendered the Shabbat stroll appears...
4
Yeah I actually know someone who just dropped out of a camp like this one. After 3 days he was bored to tears by everyone's 'stories' and 'conversations' and 'issues,' the complete lack of sense of humor and the general coddling of people who live privileged lives. I guess working with refugees from Africa and the Middle East sort of helps relativize the seriousness of people's problems. Good luck with trying to force language to fit ideology.
27
At a time when division, outrage, anger, and assault dominate, this story is a reminder that, once again, young people offer hope and joy. Ironically, they have to be removed from the day-to-day reality of school and neighborhood and street to find that.
The support these young people receive and offer must be powerful -- and the adults further nurturing them is spectacular.
Why is it so hard for so many of us to accept, let alone love and understand, someone who appears different from ourselves? There may well be biological/evolutionary roots -- but that's a fraught answer when we have achieved so much else with our advanced brains.
A gender spectrum might seem odd to an older generation -- but at some point in time, most scientific, objective, and reasonable explanations seemed weird.
Thanks for an uplifting piece of writing -- my day is better for it.
24
The programs designed to build self-esteem include "writing love letters to their own bodies or cross-dressing to understand how clothes reinforce socially acceptable gender norms".
To this day I think about how much my self-esteem was helped just by learning how to do basic tasks like plant and grow vegetables, how to cook, how to build a campfire, how to hike in the wild while avoiding things like poisonous plants, how to pitch a tent, how to forage for food, like wild nuts, and how to spend an entire day cleaning up a beautiful wild area that other people apparently went to for no other purpose than to wantonly destroy it, and to leave their garbage everywhere.
The most valuable thing you learn from such an experience is how precious and glorious, yet fragile, the environment is. It means that it’s about learning how much things are not about you, no matter how different you are, or believe you are, and how your job in life was to do everything possible to protect the environment.
If you want to truly build security and self-esteem de-emphasize the self, instead of emphasizing the self and all its supposed weaknesses.
In making young adults responsible for something much bigger than themselves you give them the greatest gift possible, because you are telling them they have real power in the world which means they can impact that world, for better or worse, yet that you trust them to do the right thing and to act to preserve the world and make it a better place.
43
@Robert B
You say: “If you want to truly build security and self-esteem de-emphasize the self, instead of emphasizing the self and all its supposed weaknesses.”
This is not what gender incongruence is; it is not about self-absorption — it is an intrinsic trait that has a different developmental pathway than cis people. The letters exercise is to help children who are stigmatized and marginalized reframe how they see their bodies. They wouldn’t need to do that if cis people didn’t shame and coerce them. It’s a good exercise to help them let go of anxiety so they can fully-enjoy their camp experience. Gender-variant children do not start out in the same place as other children, and rarely do they find themselves in such affirming and inclusive environments — though that is slowly changing. Activities like these are consistent with the purpose of other camp activities that you value. Maybe a day will come when they are no longer necessary.
But I agree with you about self-reliance and skill-building. My time in the Boy Scouts, in the 70s, gave me the survival skills that later helped me navigate a difficult gender transition years later. I remember fondly the adventures we had while camping, and gaining an appreciate of Nature. It truly was a life-changing experience.
6
I went to this camp and we did literally every single one of these outdoor activities, except pitching a tent, because on the backpacking trips we just slept on a tarp under the stars.
12
All the gender dysphoria and sexual attractions ( or lack thereof ) aside, the main thing I see that is important is the across-the-board kindness towards, and acceptance of, others. That fact seems to ooze from the campers in this article.
Why can’t we simply bring *that* into our everyday life, for everyone, regardless of race, religion, clothing and hair styles, and so on?
Given large amounts of kindness, our whole world becomes a better place.
31
I attended Camp Tawonga and this article left me a bit concerned. I am fine with inclusivity which has lomg been a Tawonga theme but this article leaves the impression that there might actually be social pressure for cross dressing! That would not be in the spirit of Tawonga. In general this article also creates the impression that the Camp is obsessed with gender issues. I hope that is incorrect. Tawonga is located in a little piece of heaven and the Tuolomne River literally runs through it. Its focus should be on fun and friendship and getting city kids into nature -- not on gender politics.
37
What about religious affiliation: reform conservative orthodox?
2
Tawonga is not affiliated with a movement nor does it conform to a movement ideology. It’s independent, like most Jews in northern California.
3
@Ruth Village,nyc
I don't know what you are getting at. When I first attended the Camp in the mid 1960s, it was famous for having hosted Janis Joplin and Big Brother and the Holding Company. https://tawonga.org/about/history/photo-of-janis-joplin/
I don't recall one thing about mid-1960s Tawonga that was Jewish, apart from its sponsorship at that time by the Jewish Community Centers. In its more recent history, Tawonga has acquired a Torah and has Shabbat services. It is now an independent camp and is unaffiliated with any Jewish religious movement -- though obviously its practice is far removed from orthodox or traditional/conservative.
2
IF only, say, those above the age of 25 or 30 were as tolerant as these teenagers are.
13
I fully support this concept. I think it improves society's hangups with gender and sexual preference. I do take issue with the multiple pronouns and I think this makes the issue harder to understand even for people who may be sympathetic.
6
'But in this cabin, everyone tries to be as kind and generous as possible. It’s made me more accepting and I feel better about myself, too.”' Well said, Zypher!
24
So, non-gendered children can avoid bullying because of their non-conformity to a gender binary. Excellent. Maybe next we could work on non-gendered cultures to avoid the bullying within the sexes that is part of our toxic masculine and toxic feminine norms gender norms.
10
It is wonderful that children can attend a camp in which they feel safe, accepted and loved. As a former English teacher, I am totally confused about the pronoun usage. I have had discussions with friends, all with multiple degrees, who are also confused. What does he/him even mean? We want to be respectful but we just don’t fully understand. Will there be new grammar rules?
If someone gets it, please explain.
1
@Patricia Caiozzo I, too, am a former English teacher, but I think that makes it less confusing. Rather than a speaker or assigning pronouns to a person based on perceived gender, we allow people to let us know their pronouns and then respect those as we use them in a sentence the way we have always (somewhat chaotically) used pronouns in English.
6
@Patricia Caiozzo
I very much appreciate your situation. I remember similar discussions around the introduction of the honorific ‘Ms.’, back in the day.
As you know, language usage is very dynamic and changes through time. Much of it is driven by changes in culture and knowledge, which is happening in this case. The culture change: ‘gender identity’ and ‘sex’ are separate things, and don’t always line-up. The knowledge change: gender-variant people exist and are not mentally ill. In light of this development, language is bound to change.
I’m not worried about the confusion over pronouns; it’ll get figured-out in time. Trans folk have no problem having people ask about which pronouns to use, if asked respectfully.
8
I’m assuming the confusion arises because our language doesn’t offer many non- gendered pronouns. However, it’s pretty simple.
If someone identifies as female you use she/her. If someone identifies as male use he/him. If someone identifies as non-binary use they/them. So instead of saying “He/She is going to camp”, you’d say “They’re going to camp.”
17
" In this cabin everyone tries to be as kind and generous as possible. It's made made me more accepting and I feel better about myself too." This quote says it all. What a wonderful place to be at this time of hate in our country. May the lessons learned at this camp spill out like cool water rush of water in this hot tempered climate, and bring some needed compassion to our society.
34
What a sweet uplifting story. Thanks!
10
Quote from the 2017 survey referenced here: "In order to assess gender expression among students in our survey,
we asked participants about how other people at school would
describe their gender expression: very masculine, mostly masculine, somewhat masculine, equally masculine and feminine, somewhat feminine, mostly feminine, very feminine, or none of these."
Talk about question bias. This loaded question already assumes that human behavior is gendered. Implicit in the question is a manufactured definition of "conformity," so of course, those who don't fit the implicit assumption of the question are "non-conforming."
23
@Amy Luna Exactly. An especially inane manifestation of this thinking is the "Barbie - G.I. Joe Gender Spectrum" which is actually used in training for adults who work with children. https://twitter.com/kiritunks/status/987686293785096193?s=20
7
@Amy Luna
As organisms, we’ve evolved over hundreds of millions of years to exhibit behavioral traits based upon our genders. Are there exceptions? Of course. But, gender by and large isn’t a social construct, but a phenomenon of nature.
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I'm all for each person being comfortable in their own skin. However, I am sometimes confused between the concepts of sexual preference and "gender roles". The one is an internal thing and the other is our reaction to external expectations and pressures to conform to outward behavioral norms. The gender norms I see around me today are often contrived and shallow. While female in my orientation and gender, there are many aspects of female gender expectations that I do not honor or show - probably some think that strange, but I don't dwell on that all the time. Just because the media espouses a particular behavior or body type or fashion sense doesn't mean it is to be taken seriously. In another culture, those outward signs might be interpreted much differently.
Particularly with very young children, it might be prudent to concentrate on their development as humans with emphasis on their positive interaction with other humans, young and old, their values, their moral judgements - and let the "gender expressions" take their course, whatever that may be.
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@Sara
Allowing gender non-conforming children to develop on their own means not imposing gender stereotypes on them. Research is showing that much of the depression and suicidal ideation in these children comes from cisgender people imposing gender identities on them, which cannot be done. This camp understands that.
There continues to be a false perception, borne of the culture wars, that children are born with cisgender gender identities, then ‘become’ trans; it reminds me of people who still think that way about LGBQ children. Gender Identity is an intrinsic trait that cannot be imposed from the outside.
I appreciate how you feel regarding new information regarding sex and gender. It will take a while to learn new information. One thing that might help is to understand that Sex, Sexual Orientation, and Gender Identity are all separate things that line-up in developing individuals in different ways.
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My son LOVED overnight camp and wanted nothing more than to be a counselor. He did a CIT (Counselor-in-training) program at age 16 and really took that opportunity to lean into gender non-conformity in the space where he felt loved and accepted. However, he was not hired as a counselor the following year, and I believe it was partially due to the difficulty of placing him in leadership in the "boy's" cabin. I have been wondering if there were camps that dealt with gender outside the binary. I'm glad to know that there are!
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I’ve got 99 problems and gender ain’t one. In fact, I’ve got closer to 999. But . . . I’d have been very happy to have gone to my grave not knowing “gender nonconforming” was a thing!
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@kaydayjay So since it's not relevant to you it's not worth talking about? Why take the time to read it and then to comment?
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Let people enjoy things.
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A serious conversation needs to happen about the conflation of sex and gender, two very different things, and the very negative impacts gender identity supplanting biological sex in policy and law is having and will continue to have on women, who have been discriminated against on the basis of our biology for thousands of years.
There are reasons for SEX segregated spaces, including camping facilities for teen children. The potential for pregnancy or sexual assault does not go away because a girl child identifies as male or nonbinary.
Do you know what we used to call nonbinary? Gender non-conforming or androgynous. We were under no illusion that this somehow made you neither male nor female.
Gender identity is not a sexual orientation. It is unclear to me why it is even under the LGB umbrella. Trans people already have all of the same civil rights as non trans people.
Gender itself is something that feminists have long seem as harmful and hoped to abolish. These identities merely intrench harmful stereotypes of what it means to be a boy or a girl and tell children they must change their bodies to match those stereotypes.
This is not progressive, but the most regressive trend that has happened to women and girls in decades and I'm at a loss as to why the NYT continues to push this agenda.
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@NAP
It sounds as if you're a little overwhelmed by this shift in society. I can appreciate that. However, I don't agree that your confusion or discomfort means the shifts are wrong (and I'm not quite sure why publishing an article about an all-genders inclusive camp counts as "pushing" an agenda).
I was also struck by your notion that trans and non-trans people have the same rights. It should be true, but it isn't, as we are no longer welcome in the military and, if the current administration has its way, it'll become easier for us to be fired or denied health care simply for being who we are. And then there's the "recommendation" that we be encouraged to use bathrooms that match our original sex.
These might not seem like a big deal to non-trans people, but they definitely curb our rights.
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"Trans people already have all of the same civil rights as non trans people." You're kidding, right?
The Justice Department filed a brief with the Supreme Court arguing that transgender workers are not protected by Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. This is being covered everywhere.
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@NAP
So, if a young boy transitions but still has the ability to make a girl pregnant, in what dorm should she now sleep? She could be assaulted in the boys’ cabin, but get someone pregnant in the girls’.
This really isn’t so simple.
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I’m still working on the new use of pronouns. Will re-read this and try to understand the rest of it later today, before I get too much older.
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"Here I don’t have to hide who I am,” said Jonathan Brunn, a nonbinary 11-year-old from San Francisco who stayed in AG-6 this summer. “I can play soccer and braid my hair and nobody judges me.”
If only the joy, happiness, and sense of complete and non-judgmental acceptance these kids felt at Camp Tawonga could be experienced and felt EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIFE - what a wonderful and magnificent world this could be.
One of the best articles I've read in a long time. It made me cry for many reasons, but mostly because these kids felt loved and hope because "at camp, there was a true sense of safety and freedom."
Great, great article!!! Thank you Dan Levin for this story.
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@Marge Keller - it's so sad that safety and freedom are in such short supply that this is a rare happening…but your positive reinforcement lends a wonderful stamp of acceptance and approval that's needed by so many.
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@common sense advocate
Thanks for your sweet and kind comment.
Why can't kids just be allowed to be kids? Life is hard enough at that age without people pouring on additional meanness, hate, and cruelty.
I wish I was a counselor at that camp. What a terrific and rewarding summer and experience that could be.
Please wish your son the best of luck with his Mandarin studies and his first year in high school.
Have a great weekend. Chat soon.
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Nice to see an organized religion doing something other than judge and condemn those that do not conform to some old man's interpretation of ancient scriptures.
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This is a refreshing piece in an otherwise disturbing time.
In raising our child and helping with our grandchildren we have always allowed them to be, well, them with no judgements and no attempts to have them "conform to the norm".
It saddens me that many would consider these children as freaks and not provide them with protection they need.
Carry on, kids, and help educate the rest of the country.
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Too bad trump does not read, he could really learn a thing or two.
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This is wonderful. Middle school years are difficult even for the most mainstream kids. Fitting in is important at that age, and every difference is magnified. I'm so glad these kids have found a safe place to be themselves and have fun.
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If Donald Trump is about the most negative thing occurring to this country, this registers as one of the most positive. Really lovely story.
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"All-Gender" = mixed sex. Hopefully the camp understands the distinction.
Why is an 11-year-old who plays soccer and braids their hair reporting being judged for that? And why is the response from this child's adult support people that they are "non-binary" rather than that those who judge them are sexist and hung up on stereotypes ?
Gender ideology is taking us backwards at lightning speed. Braiding one's hair does not make someone is a girl, and liking soccer does not make one a boy, and liking both does not mean one has to "identify as" non-binary as a pre-adolescent—but that is what children are being sold. There's nothing more binary than separating ordinary personal preferences into markers of gender identity and reifying them into badges for young children.
If we want tot support children, we should be addressing the sexism they face, and encouraging them to follow their interests, not creating new categories to soothe ourselves and shield us from looking squarely in the face of sex bias.
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@Rose Liz
Amen, Rose! Given the definition of "non-binary," I've wondered, is there anyone who isn't? Gender stereotypes do not a sex make.
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@Rose L
‘Gender Ideology’ is not a thing, any more than racial justice is ‘Racial Ideology’ or rights for the disabled is ‘Disabled Ideology’. It is religious dogma masked as faux-theory. Religious conservatives invented the tactic because their usual methods to instill Fear of Change are no longer working. The World is simply moving on from all that.
It is ironic to see ‘gender ideology’ proposed as a way to address sexism, as the dogma behind it requires rigid gender roles, practices, and presentations. At its most fundamental level, it is misogynistic, homophobic, and transphobic.
We’ve moved well-beyond medieval ideas about human diversity. Summer camps such as this one understand the full-breadth of human diversity, and more importantly, prioritize Love over rigid conformity.
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@Rose Liz
We can do both. We don’t need to have a contest between doing two correct things.
I guarantee you my transgender son is not male just to “soothe ourselves....”
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Bravo Tawanda! Bravo Tawanda parents and families!
It’s about saving lives, people. Maybe you don’t understand this stuff, but perhaps you can be compassionate for human life?
Many transgender and gender nonconforming children grow up without support from family, peers, and their community. Sadly, the suicide attempt rate for transgender kids and adults is roughly 10x the national average. 10x!
But children who grow up in families and communities that welcome and support gender variances don’t suffer nearly as much depression, anxiety, and gender dysphoria. They are able to be themselves, be accepted for whom they are, and live contented lives (as much as any of us can).
My wife and I raised three kids, one is a transgender young man who gets straight As in college as is well respected by his employer, friends, peers, and everyone in our extended family and friendship group. Still, we know many kids and adults who were not so fortunate to have the loving acceptance we offered equally to all three of our kids.
Camp Tawanda is setting the course for all camps to recognize their role in fostering acceptance of gender diversity. Again I say, Bravo Tawanda!
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Tawonga
@Leah. Thank you, I appreciate corrections. And I should know better! I actually know the former director.
1
Its occurred to me that those of us who have read this piece and celebrated its importance are light years ahead of those who SHOULD read it . I'm encouraged by the bravery of these young people.
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I also do not understand non-binary and it takes effort for me to shake off the stereotypes I was brought up with. It would be great to live in a world where we are judged, work and make friends according to integrity, ability and common interests. I do understand that this flies in the face of some current lawmakers. Such a camp can only help to go in the better direction.
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@Gerry Rovnick -- I, too, can't imagine what it must be like to be non-binary. I don't understand it either. What I do understand, what my parents taught me, is how to treat other people decently and with respect. We call them by the names they have chosen. We use the pronouns they have chosen. We recognize the beauty in every human being, because we know we are all made in the image of God. Every one of us is a manifestation of the entirety of the universe and its creatures. What else does anyone need to know, other than the Golden Rule? Do unto others ...........
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This is a wonderful illustration of compassion and a great example of adults leading the way to creating a beautiful space for real inclusion and acceptance. A very thoughtful, lovely story and images. Seeing loving stories is uplifting as a counter balance to so many stories and scary truths going on in the USA at this time. Great story.
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