How a Nanny’s Adventure in the U.S. Ended in Bloodshed

The NYT needs to do an investigative report on how these Au Pair companies function. What are their rules? What kind of legal documents do the au pairs sign? The DC suburbs here in VA are full of these young au pairs - young, blonde, carefree 20-somethings from Brazil, Colombia, Germany, Poland. What kind of orientation/training do these young women go through? What are the rules they have to follow? Do they have curfews? Do they have their own vehicles? I understand that the point of this program is mutually beneficial cultural immersion: The au pair gets to live here in the US and learn English, while the family receives child care and becomes hosts/tour guides. It seems that this program needs to revamp its purpose/mission and focus on the educational opportunities instead of the exploration/travel. These young women are afforded the once in a lifetime opportunity to visit and study and work in the US, only to essentially treat it as a yearlong "vacation". They become caught up with the superficial allure of social media and Instagram and are more focused with taking selfies than they are with learning English or going to school. The case of Ms. Bermudez is truly heartbreaking, because of the stone-cold truth that the au pairs are brutally realizing: The USA is not the safe haven they thought it was. Thanks to a misogynistic and duplicitous sociopath who conned his way into the mind of an innocent and trusting young woman.

Leaving an abusive relationship is hard. I know because I was in one for almost 1 year. He was 23 yo, I was 20 (I'm 22). I thought he was charming and protective but he was in fact manipulative and controlling. My father was the first one to notice. I still live with my parents and I have a very good relationship with them, especially my mother. We talk about everything. She is my best friend. She tried to warn me but I woudn't listen. My ex-boyfriend was jealous of my friends, male and female, and even of my parents and started to say things about my parents that were not true. That's when I decided to break up with him. He said he would kill himself, started calling me all the time, calling my parents in the middlle of the night to apologize for what he had said about them. He would show up unannounced at my house. We never let him in. Then he started stalking me and I really feared for my life. I never called the police because my parents and I thought it would make things even worse. Fortunataly he gave up but I'm still afraid of him!

The number of comments here blaming the female victim, Ms. Bermudez, for being knifed to death on the street is just stunning. Actually, I take that back - Americans are incredibly backwards and won't hesitate to gleefully blame a woman for her own murder by a vicious, violent ex-partner. My heart goes out to the families of both the victims who didn't deserve to lose their family members in such a brutal way. I hope they will eventually find some peace.

My question is, he went upstairs where Mr. Kimowitz was and grabbed a knife. Where was a knife kept on the second floor and how did he know where it was? Also he bound his girlfriend . How did she escape without the use of her hands to open door and run into street without him stopping her way before?

Take care of your own kids or hire someone who is old enough to be responsible. Giving some possessive lunatic a key to your employers house is just plain nuts. Unfortunately, the father of two children was murdered because of the stupidity of the victim.

You'd think women would get up a Million Women March against the very real violence regularly visited upon them. And not just trusting, naive foreign girls or runaway teenagers, but middle-aged, upper-middle class housewives with children. Their well-dressed, professional husbands abuse them too. Women with good lawyers can get out of such relationships, but they're lucky if their menfolk don't come from macho cultures in which an "If I can't have her, nobody else will" mindset prevails. Our women's shelters are very busy; that's good because the alternative seems to be bags of body parts in dumpsters and nearby woods. In the early part of the last century, the Prohibition movement was not just about alcohol -- it was an attempt by women to limit alcohol-fueled violence against females. If men were boozed up and aggressive, perhaps they'd be less so minus the booze. What the heck. Psychosis prevails.

These stories about angry, jealous men killing women and their own children seem to be appearing more regularly lately. Why is that?

I believe the name of the book is "Rafferty" wherein a man lets his emotions get the better of him.

She has given him a key to the house. Am I reading it right?

We have a huge domestic/intimate partner violence problem in this country that is scarcely addressed. Violence against women in general seems as important as thousands of dusty untested rape kits. We are warned about any number of dangerous situations like empty parking lots and subway platforms late at night but I've never seen a campaign warning us all about the men who create so much of the danger. Everyone should know what the warning signs are that a romantic interest is potentially dangerous.

Just another entitled, testosterone poisoned male, but this time without a Gun. Congratulations, or something. My deepest sympathy to both Families. They are all Victims of our lack of concern for Women, and the lax treatment of stalkers and abusers. It’s too late for “ protection “, when you’re DEAD.

Women need to listen when friends tell them their relationships are dangerous. I have seen this before, when women come to work with make-up covering their bruising insisting that their boyfriends love them and they are sorry for beating them up. Why are some women so needy that they allow a man to be so possessive? A man living with Mommy is not in a position to get married. Women should check that their is no tracing app on their cell phone if they have a possessive boyfriend or any boyfriend for that matter. I know this sounds like blaming the victim, but staying with an obvious abuser is really stupid. When your friends are warning you about an abusive relationship, it is time to move on. Sometimes it is best to speak with the National Domestic Abuse Hotline who can advise you about the safest way to leave.

Very sad. The au pair’s poor decision to become involved with an abusive man was compounded by her even worse decision to surreptitiously give him a key to the house — where she was a guest and not the owner. That key was not hers to give.

Young Ladies...be very wary of possessive men. It's not love they want but control. Don't rush into intimate relations, but spend time getting to know who you're dealing with first. This advise comes from Crones who have been around a while and understand more about men than you know...we've lived it. One of the things I appreciate about getting older is not having a driving need to please and placate men. Independence is a great freedom. Give it up only when you are sure the man you choose is deserving.

The blurb under this headline is appalling. "A boyfriend" implies she had multiple and failing to call him her ex-boyfriend erases the danger women face when using their agency against violent, jealous men.

Confusing article. No where in the story (print edition) does it say when the crime was actually committed. The cut lines just say that a memorial service was held “last week.” I had to go online to find a cut line that said it happened in early August.

This same narcissist entitled angry attitude by an impulsive man also resulted in death of my beautiful aunt. Neither his conviction nor well anything could help with such a huge loss for our already small family. In this day and age, it is appalling that any human being even a limited self centered dullard could harbor such macho entitled medieval ideas. But yet this is not even uncommon. There are many born unfortunately with poor critical thinking, poor empathy, who are impulsive, with poor emotional regulation. And instead of education to ameliorate this unfortunate disposition there is rather indulging it, aggravating it via entertainment. We'll have all manner of uncensored violence and sex and women so financially desperate as to prostitute themselves in myriad ways. But given all this as we embrace our freedom, we should at least have education, therapeutic guidance to combat what often goes wrong with the combination of such poor intrinsic character , lack of education and sometimes certain indulgence or exposure. For children age 11-17 especially is window of opportunity to possible reach some of them. They need learn what expectations they have, what attitudes can develop based on media, parental attitudes and to make distinctions here. I don't think this will prevent all of this-for that we'd need a far better system , maybe even transhuman level evolution, but it maybe prevent a few.

How tragic for all involved. The young man was clearly unhinged and may have targeted the dad because he thought something untoward was happening between the au pair and him. If he were stalking her (which no doubt he was), then he knew the wife and kids weren’t at home. The murders sound as if they were premeditated. That the au pair gave the boyfriend the key to the house is puzzling. Why do so many women cede control/power to men in order to pacify their (men’s) insecurities? A man who loves and trusts doesn’t require, nor does he want, that.

so very sad. but how did the killer get a key to the house?

She should not have given the keys to the home to her boyfriend. Irresponsible, horrible decision - one that shows just how self-centered she was. There were kids in that home - the ones she was supposed to be taking care of! Those kids would have been dead today if it hadn't for sheer luck. She gave the keys to some guy she started dating two months ago? And what's with men living in their mom's basement that women find attractive? What a horrible chain of self-centered decisions!

The article did not say that she gave Porter the key to the house, although she asked for the key back from him later. Is it possible that he took her key, or a spare key, and had it duplicated without her knowledge and consent? Maybe she learned later that he had a key and then asked for it back, and he refused.

Why would the au pair give out keys to her employer's house to a near stranger, whom even the au pair thought was mentally unstable? The au pair bears some responsibility in this tragedy.

Whenever I read about these kind if stories regularly happening our country I ialways wonder, do such things happen in other countries on a regular basis? The answer is no. So my question is, what is wrong with our culture.? Why are we so violent, intolerant, edgy, impatient.? Can any one shed light on it?

Very sad story, but I share the puzzlement of other posters about the victim's decision to provide a casual boyfriend--at least to her--a key to the house. If there's a lesson to be learned here, it might be that, henceforth, employees should be barred via contract from giving employers' house keys to anyone.

This article could have better researched au pair contracts. It gives the feeling that Ms Bermudez's placement as an au pair was somewhat lassez faire . AuPair Care would have sponsored her visa and she would have matched with her host family (the Kimowitzes) before her visa application process was initiated in her home country (Columbia). Child care contracts are initially for 1 year, but can be extended for a second year if the host family and au pair both desire this. Host families and au pairs can also terminate the contract early if the care relationship is not working out. Within 48 hours of arrival into the host families home, the au pair and host parents meet with their community counselor to go over several common rules (curfews, alcohol, romantic guests, etc.). Host families are then encouraged to set their own house rules on top of this . The community counselor then meets with the au pair privately to ensure they feel safe in the home, and have adequate living quarters . You can be sure that we discussed this event with our au pair, and added to our house rules. "Do not share your house keys with anyone. Do not disclose your address to romantic contacts." However, we have had excellent relationships with each of our three au pairs over the years. I see Ms. Bermudez's occupation as an au pair somewhat tangential to this horrific event , and perhaps too much focus is being placed on it.

This is a heartbreaking tragedy, and it makes me wonder what kind of orientation the au pair services give to the young people who come to the US for this type of adventure. We had an au pair from Denmark who lived with us for a year in San Diego. She would sleep overnight in her car if she had been out drinking, and one time brought a man home from a Marine base and had him spend the night in our house without asking our advice or permission (quite a shock to see him in his underwear in my kitchen on Mother's Day morning). She was quite defensive when we told her that her behavior was putting us all in danger.

My sympathy goes to the families. What a terrible loss. It seems to me further proof that we really need to strengthen our stalking laws. In many cases, when women report stalking to the police, the police say that they can do literally nothing until a murder attempt is made, which in turn dissuades women from bothering to report. Police often don't take seriously threats against women, even though threats against women are one of the most common warning signs of serious crimes. It is upsetting that this young woman gave her boyfriend the keys to the house, but young men who are abusers tend to target trusting, sweet women, precisely because they can worm their way in more easily. They will then demand proof that the woman can be trusted (e.g. a key to her house, looking through her phone, making her stay away from friends, etc.) By that point, it is hard to get the abuser back out of her life again. Before we blame her for being overly trusting, we need to remember that abusers tend to target the overly trusting. It's their whole M.O.