There is a lot of information about this story besides the obvious that no one should use a gun to settle their problems.
That said and not victim blaming people should cool their comments till the whole story is available.
Those interested in more details look at dressage forums which include the history of the the victim ,allleged assilant and criminal record.
Again no justification for the shooting, none, but NYT, how about the complete story about what safe sport is doing to people's lives.
33
One of their disputes was about the care of her horses. I hope someone is checking for any signs of abuse on the animals he "cared for. "
14
The victim seemed unable to leave the situation, which is indicative of ongoing psychological abuse. Abusers know how to string along their victims. Battered women with children suffer a similar problem. A trainer knows how to manipulate.
Getting out and getting out fast, quietly, with horses in tow, might have helped save her from the violence. It is not so hard to get your horses out; I have done it with five of my own when their lives (not my own) were seriously compromised. In that situation, I kept it quiet and called law enforcement during the loading to ensure safety. It was ugly but necessary. An escape in plain sight.
It is well known that abusive people will abuse animals as well as other people and so the trainer in this case is almost surely not the calibre horseman espoused. Being involved at the Olympic level means little.
I did PR work for a battered women's shelter, where I witnessed women killed, abusers walking free.
When a woman is threatened, she should leave. Here is how:
When your life is threatened - make a plan to leave. Do not wait.
Tell only the essential few who will help shelter you.
Leave.
Do it in a few hours.
Take your children and your animals.
Never underestimate the rage of an abusive man when exiting, the most dangerous time.
Don't look back.
I hope the victim recovers. Her story is unfortunately far too familiar.
I write this in hopes others will not wait, as she did.
31
Always follow your instincts.... it may have been a hassle to pack it all up... including the loved animals but your safety is paramount. This is a lesson to all of us. Such a tragic outcome and her instincts were correct.
9
I'm interested in the quote "we are a farming town, so we do have guns". Since when does farming require guns? So many people today think they "need" guns. A big reason there are so many of them in this country.
48
Why are we asking questions of the victim? Why didn’t she leave etc. She lived there, had an animal she loved and cared for their , that she wanted to protect from harm, she had a career and dreams. Abuse takes all forms, emotional, physical and psychological! Yet here we are, with all of the recent illuminations on domestic violence ,questioning the terror and suffering on the victim. Shame on us, and most importantly shame on the trainer. Let justice prevail. My heart goes out to this woman and her family.
39
he is charged with attempted murder and yet everyone is using the past tense.
7
Reading all these comments, I come down firmly on the side of the woman. Yes she should have moved, found a new trainer etc. But all of that is easier said than done, especially when you have a number of horses with you.
What has not been talked about is the emotional connection between coach and athlete, (which always exists to some degree) and which good or bad, makes the situation ever more complicated. This man, at some point was her guru, who besides training, offered board and lodging for both her horses and herself.
Unfortunately, while she felt going semi-public with her problems would protect her, it probably only inflamed the inner rage in him, with these disastrous results, where he chose to use a gun, rather than facing their problems in a responsible way.
16
The so-called trainer, reveling in stupidity and immaturity.
2
For those asking why she did not just leave, she had horses stabled there. It takes time to move your horses, and she did not want to leave them behind. The question you could be asking is if he had a problem with her, why did he not kick her off the farm? Why did he not refuse to train her? The owner of a farm can kick someone off of their property; every boarding agreement has clauses that allow for this. A trainer can end a relationship with a trainee.
The bigger problem is that people accept abusive behavior from coaches and trainers in many sports, as well as dance, music, theatre, etc. Coaches scream, threaten, and insult, and in many cases, they are admired for it. Until we change what we accept from coaches as normal, there are are going to be trainees who are not able to tell when a line has been crossed.
47
I’m just wondering....if she was afraid of him, why would she go to his farm?
6
@Chicago
The article says she lived there and that her horses were stabled there.
13
Blaming her? you missed the point, the psychic erosion of emotional abuse is diminishing
9
@Chicago she rented a cottage from him, lived there, and her five horses were also there.
14
Why did she not simply switch trainers? Hire a van, load up your horses and move. There are not a lot of dressage trainers at that level but there is certainly more than one. Not sure how you could benefit from working with someone you are so afraid of.
7
@margo harrison it can take some time to move horses. i was in a not-good situation at a boarding barn, and once I decided to leave, I had to find a new trainer/barn, wait until she had room for me, and then arrange to move my horse. And I only had one horse at the time. If I had five horses, it would have been far more difficult, esp. to find room at one barn for all five. When I got my second horse, I had to wait over a month for space to open at my barn so I could move her there and have both horses in one place. Easy to say just move them, harder to do.
54
Sadly, a microcosm of America today. It took a long time to get here and it will take a long time, if ever, to go away. No winners here.
9
Men worry that women will laugh at them.
Women worry that men will kill them.
319
@Nnaiden
And when women worry that men will kill them, society calls the women crazy and the men victims of their craziness.
27
@Nnaiden are you quoting Margaret Atwood or Courtney Barnett?
1
When do we start talking about the common denominator in most violent crimes? Men.
When do we make changes in how we teach and raise our boys? Big, immediate, social changes. This needs to be treated as the public health issue it is. I don’t believe men are inherently bad. There must be something we can do to help curb their anger and violence?
155
@Ess MD we don’t actually have any facts to go on.
1
@Ess MD
Sorry. But IMO guys learn to hate women with other guys, not at home.
23
The United States is a very dangerous country where people are routinely shot. The second amendment allows people to have muskets. Nothing more.
135
@Austin And, muskets in a "well regulated militia."
The National Guard could be that militia.
53
@Austin the first amendment only covers parchment paper
1
The is Gov. Chris Christie's home county - deeply conservative Republican.
While ignoring these threats, the Hunterdon County (adjacent horse county) Prosecutor had time to investigate false claims of domestic terrorism for photorgraphig south jersey oil refineries.
Go figure.
42
This tragedy is reminiscent of the murder of Dave Shultz by John DuPont, that was the basis for the movie Foxcatcher. Whether it is murder, sexual assault or emotional torture, there is probably quite a bit more ugliness in coach-athlete relationships than we realize, particularly in individual sports that are out of the public eye and when there is a financial, gender, age or other power imbalance.
95
Thank you for your excellent points.
3
I've not heard of this world before. But from this story and comments it seems kind of funky. It may be expensive, it may be rarified, it may be quite fulfilling and people do love their horses,
but there's seemingly an extreme payoff. The combination of authority, expertise, and masculine toxicity it seems has invaded everywhere. No matter what the field of effort - if a woman feels threatened it HAS TO be addressed.
I hope she recovers well from what seems dire wounds.
51
How is it possible that the police didn't get notified and investigate the allegations? What would make a person with no criminal history do such a thing outside of spurned love? What would make a person stay outside of misplaced pity or empathy? Why are men such weaklings, resorting to violence and murder? I am so sick of this world where innocent people get shot. She was very brave to reach out and we failed her. I also feel for her horses, as another mentioned, they are surely confused (and yes, concerned). She loved them so much. It is touching. I hope he gets the highest punishment for his heinous crime.
54
@Low Notes Liberate
Please note she did not name the individual in her postings. You are making assumptions about the situation that should not be made. To use your own condescending terminology, why are women such weaklings that they can't assess a situation and move away from it? Perhaps the victim had some of her own issues that prevented her from acting reasonably? If indeed Mr Barisone committed the crime he should be punished as the law requires, but per your comment about being sick of a world where "innocent people get shot", I am sick of a world where people rush to judgement without knowing the facts. There are always two (or more) sides to any story.
23
@Daniel Castelaz
And I am so sick of a world where every opinion is a condescending one. Of course I’m making assumptions, with so little facts available one’s mind rushes to fill in the blanks. Are they true, who knows? That doesn’t give one the right to insult people. Let’s see how the case proceeds. Hopefully we can agree that it is horribly wrong and sad that this man shot a young woman point blank in the chest and that that was a cowardly act. The woman was definitely in her right to not be shot no matter what transpired.
14
@Daniel Castelaz amen!
As someone who was on the periphery of that rarefied world of dressage, the only thing that truly surprises me is that Ms. Kanarek had the courage to stand up for herself and speak out. So many secrets, so much denial, so many moral cowards. I can only hope the victim will recover and justice will be done.
107
All it takes to kill or maim someone with a gun:
1. Uncontrolled anger
2. A working hand
3. Gun with bullets
143
I’d drop the “Uncontrolled” from this for only Anger. This act seems quite deliberate and planned.
9
If you feel your life is threatened, take your horses and get out. Call 911, not Facebook.
31
@Eli 911 can actually makes things worse, without the proper training. That's how domestic violence works in our country.
39
@Sally
FB didn't help and you don't know this is domestic violence. It appears it was a landlord tenant and business dispute.
5
@Eli
Call 911 over threats?
3
Again, gun is the culprit. Simple gun or military grade device. Pick the device and surely at least a life will be annihilated.
31
6’3” man uses a firearm to punish a woman shooting her 3 times for calling him names and calling him out, tells me all I need to know. Coward, Bully, Psychopath. Welcome to the big house. If he doesn’t commit suicide.
78
It is a tragedy that this aspiring rider was brutally shot and is now fighting for her life at a Surgical ICU in NJ. We wish her a speedy and full recovery.
It is a shame that her complaints to the police and professional organizations were not acted on. Sometimes the actions taken by the police and other organizations are not known to third parties due to confidentially laws. But with time these may surface if any action was taken. Contrary to what some other readers said I think posting the ongoing dispute with her trainer on Facebook was probably a very bad idea. What protection was the FB community going to offer that the authorities could not ? It most likely made the situation worse by taking the conflict to another level by going public. The trainer depended on his reputation for his career to thrive and may have reacted so violently when that was threatened. A lawyer once told me to never pull a knife in a fist fight. You escalate the fight and no one wins. But some one might die. Private matters between individuals must be handled privately and when required using law enforcement and the courts. Battling it out in public on Facebook is not helpful. Of course FB loves it. More drama. More eyes and time spent on face books means they make money.
14
This shows that people and society need to take seriously anytime someone makes threats against another person whether it is threats of violence or threats of other wrongful conduct such as fraud. I have seen too many cases where people who are the victims, had a long history of being threatened by the eventual perpetrators. But the threats were dismissed or excused by others, including police and people within their social circle saying the person making the threats was just "venting" or "blowing off steam" or they would never follow through because that would be "crazy". Or blaming the victim and telling them they were "hysterical" or needed to "grow up" Then the person does exactly what they had threatened to do and people react by saying "who could have possibly known?". Well yes, there was an easy way to have known, this is what they threatened to do to the victim.
This seems to be especially true now where we have an internet culture where people believe they can say and threaten to do anything without fear of consequences, not even social condemnation. People should not be able to threaten others without consequence. Unfortunately, starting at the top with the POTUS, we are living in a world where violent, threatening and inflamitory communication is more and more accepted as normal. It is not and all threats must be taken seriously and condemned.
79
We are not listening well enough, especially I think to women's concerns. And the dismissal can make those asking for help doubt themselves. So sad and I just hope Ms. Kanarek makes a full recovery!
128
no one who is bullied should have their concerns dismissed this woman did one very brave thing post this on facebook so the perp would not get away with it
80
". . . friends urged her in comments to move off the farm. Ms. Kanarek responded that she was planning to, but was afraid to leave her horses behind. “Harm will come to me before I ever let harm come to them,” she wrote."
A deep pain pierced my heart after reading the above comment. She put the safety of her horses over her own.
I hope Ms. Kanarek quickly recovers from her injuries and that someone trustworthy is caring for her beloved horses in the meantime.
For crying out loud, why must someone get injured before the police take the situation seriously and get involved?
207
@Marge Keller
Police were involved, there were multiple complaints made Ms. Kanarek. Her main concern was for her horses. Her fiancé also lived there.
11
@Marge Keller
It’s just a nervous, hysterical Woman. Until it isn’t.
Seriously.
32
@FFM
Thanks for the clarification.
4
SafeSport would rather focus on sexual misconduct allegations that happened 40-50 years ago than get involved with something happening right now. That, at least, is my observation of the of the organization.
69
@Liz M. You have no idea what allegations and proof surfaced during the GM investigation. Stop trying to derail an organization that is attempting to clean up horse world.
10
@Liz M.
I very much doubt that George Morris suddenly quit seducing his teenage clients after molesting a number of them back in the day. If fact he evidently bragged about having upward of 10,000 sex partners. My daughters still talk about the one friend of theirs who became a victim of George. And they observed Jimmy Williams' behaviors when they were competing in California. But teenagers are afraid to rock the boat and report powerful people.
39
@Liz M. Not really sure why you think that, since they don't comment on reports or investigations. Maybe they are involved. Unless you work there, I don't see how you would know.
8
Just yesterday, we read about the stories of George Morris, Jimmy Williams, and Rob Gage and the role that SafeSport played in barring Morris for life from all domestic and international equestrian sports after an investigation into “sexual misconduct involving a minor". It's a shame that they weren't able to help Ms. Kanarek.
39
Why on earth would anyone voluntarily live on a harasser's property and continue a 'professional' relationship with the person is beyond me.
37
@Sebastian Davis sometimes when one is in the situation, one cannot be objective. Been there and survived, though I wasn't shot. We think we can handle things just one more day in order to (fill in the blank). I imagine moving oneself and ones horses is a huge feat. I moved 1 horse out of a boarding situation one day because I thought the barn owner might do something to my horse. I'm glad I did move him because I later discovered that somebody (I imagine the BO) had shattered the inside of my expensive saddle. There is nothing more upsetting for an owner or a horse than moving suddenly like that. She had multiple horses to consider -- horses much more $$ than mine. Horses pick up on our feelings and mirror them. Those poor ponies!
107
I’m a survivor too. I was afraid to press charges against him even after he was taken away by police to spend the night in jail after almost killing me, because no one was going to keep me safe after he got out.
Since daring to leave, I live in constant fear of my ex finding me and having me killed. There’s nothing I can do but hope that doesn’t happen.
This society isn’t very good at protecting women from domestic abuse.
187
Hello Lilly, There are domestic abuse shelters for cases like yours. They can relocate you to another part of the country. I know because when I was in a DV shelter we had women who were relocated there, for their own safety. The national hotline is 1.800.799.7233. Please do whatever it takes to be safe. I didn’t press charges when my ex strangled me unconscious—had I, he might still be alive. He committed suicide six months later. Wishing you peace.
30
Hard to understand this story without any details as to the nature of the dispute. But using Facebook to post your concerns? Really? Doesn’t seem like a way to diffuse the tension between the disputees. She could have, and should have left the premises if she felt sufficiently threatened. I’m sure the horses could have been moved expeditiously as well.
My life seems reasonably okay without being on Facebook. Not sure I understand the love of this invasive invention.
52
@Kayemtee She went to police and perhaps felt hopeless. I'm not a FB person myself, but I view posting there as an act of desperation and cry for help.
28
@Kayemtee
My guess is that she put her fears out on FB as a deterrent to the shooter, hoping that he would fear being caught and convicted now that her friends were aware of the situation.
I willingly gave back gifts of a diamond bracelet and diamond/opal ring to a man simply because I feared he might hurt my horse in retaliation if I didn't. He knew that was the one and only way to "kill" me.
34
1. Another example of women (no matter how wealthy) still being marginalized
2. The people who run this sport need to meet Max Robespierre
34
Very sad to read about this and George Morris recently.
6
Crazy for her to have stayed when she really felt threatened. It sounds as though the victim and the shooter had a volatile relationship. How much could she have learned from him in such a toxic stew? He had violent tendencies, she picked them up, she worried, she sought protection but she stayed — assuming he was just sane enough. A truly unfortunate miscalculation.
19
@Andy what gets me is the blame placed on the victim and not where it should be! Why is that?
47
@Andy That is not crazy. Abuse victims are often unable to leave their abusers for reasons most of us who haven't suffered abuse can't begin to fathom. The most dangerous time for the victim is when trying to leave. Maybe that is what happened. Her horses were there, her dreams were there and he had control. Please do not blame the victim.
43
@Andy
Please avoid victim blaming. People can easily make miscalculations in a frightening, abusive relationship, without adequate and rapid response from community/law enforcement to their complaints.
27
Barisone shot Ms. Kanarek twice point-blank in the chest. In addition to going to prison for attempted murder, Barisone needs to be stripped of his awards and hopefully his assets can help pay for Ms. Kanarek's recovery.
212
@Ann
How does anyone survive shot point-blank in the chest, twice plus the other three gun shots?
This is one incredibly tough dame who has a remarkable will to live.
May her inner strength and spirit continue to carry her through a full and complete recovery.
Ms. Kanarek - there are thousands of fans and supporters out there who are keeping you close to their hearts.
7
This is like one of those murder mysteries in British TV.
8
@Aristotle Gluteus Maximus
Only difference my dear Gluteus Maximus is that a real person is in real danger of dying. And fighting for her life in a surgical ICU somewhere in NJ. So it is not British TV Mr AGM, it is a real life tragedy.
32
Best wishes for your full and speedy recovery, Ms. Kanarek. May you be back riding your beloved horses before you know it.
47
Dressage is a sport that is all about control--this does not surprise me.
17
@E.D. wow. I ride dressage and the last thing good dressage is all about is control.
29
@Kim
Absolutely not true. You cannot make a horse do something they don’t want to do, and if you are cruel to them they wouldn’t want to work with you at all. Watch puissance, the high jump - a horse has to want to do that because it’s not natural for them to jump that high. Riding is a partnership, it’s a very special relationship. Owners and riders care deeply about their horses, so I’m not surprised the victim was more worried about her horses than herself.
11
@beth Dressage, and all sports involving confined animals, is more about slavery and brutality.
10
Watching the Colbert Report video with Barisone, what struck me is Barisone's complete lack of a sense of humor. He occasionally smiled politely at Colbert's antics, but he just didn't seem to get it. That is generally one simple yardstick for an individual's sense of humanity and empathy.
121
@James R Dupak Barisone was nervous in that video. A dressage horse is trained to respond immediately to the lightest aids, whether it's a touch of the riders legs, a change in balance, etc. Colbert was sitting on a Ferrari of a horse and anything could have happened. I hope Colbert signed a release. It was a really risky thing to do. I get what you're saying, but I thought I would just give you another perspective.
30
Another case where the person with the gun didn't have a history of mental illness. We need better gun laws. It may not stop this type of murder, but neither will the red flag laws.
242
Look for this story to be adopted as an episode of
“Criminal Minds” or the like.
11
I feel sorry for those magnificent horses who were under his care at the barn. I pray she recovers, takes her horses to another barn, and gets back on her horse and rides..........
107
Guy needs a genuine dressage down and a swift kick in the jodhpurs. Followed, of course, by a long stretch at Rikers where he can ply his training amongst enthusiasts in a different sort of arena.
77
@Jeff K
He’s not going to Rykers... he will be going to a NJ State Prison
6
Believe women.
314
@TRP Believe men or women as both can be victims of violence.
15
Someone get her horses out of there! If this guy is released on bail and she was afraid for her horses, what makes you think they won't be next. He sounds like a maniac. I hope like heck she pulls through. Terrible of her to live so afraid.
200
@cheerful dramatist her friends are posting for Lauren that the horses are all ok and being cared for. since he's in custody, he can't do anything to the horses.
2
As a longtime rider in this Midwest community, it’s not unheard of for the relationship between a trainer and a student to sour - it’s a professional relationship that hinges on a boatload of trust and can go south quickly. But this is extreme and horrifying. Even the most ego-driven trainers I have known understand when a student would be better served with another trainer, and the best ones ease the transition for all involved. In the end - it’s about what’s in the best interests of the horse-human partnership.
73
This is not a new story of women's warnings about their safety being ignored, per se. However, it is very valuable in its showing such violence against women can happen anywhere even in the "rarefied world of (Olympian) elite dressage" a society I for one never heard of before.
226
@Lynne Shapiro I believe "elite" refers to the level of riding to which the victim aspired and the alleged perpetrator had achieved success. Dressage is the PhD of equestrian sport. It's very technical for both rider and horse. It's a very rare horse that can excel at the top, Olympic, level. The rider too has to have certain qualities of character, athleticism and intelligence in order to bring home an Olympic medal. I've been working at dressage for 20+ years and it is addicting. There is a lot of cost involved and very little in the way of prize money. One earns a living off of one's reputation. Even if Mr. Barisone is found innocent of all charges, his career may never recover.
35
@beth -- I pray that Ms. Kanarek survives and is able to continue pursuing her passion. This is just so sad.
20
@beth Yes, it is sad, Thanks for the info so all of us can know what she is missing out on if she can't continue.
7
There are so many ways of risking one's safety in the horse world, but those of us who love horses and riding more than anything else try to minimize the risks in order to avoid serious injury or worse. Having experienced the shortcomings of a number of trainers myself with very negative results, I have become quite cynical about many people in the horse world. However, a trainer shooting a student is not garden variety harassment and makes me very curious to know the back story.
130
How about the Police take concerns about threats to life seriously from the first complaint? Better that it turns out be a non-issue or even a lie, than a murder or attempted murder.
383
@WF
My understanding and experience tell me police cannot do anything with a threat unless there are eyewitnesses to it. He said/she said instances don’t work with law enforcement.
16
@World Court Without an eyewitness other than the person being threatened there can be no investigation?
25
@WF Police take stalking seriously with phone call and text message records and screen shots of other electronic contact. I am surprised there were no phone photos or recordings of the F2F bullying (yes like I've seen in neo- noir films.) Maybe there were, we don't know.
12