What Should I Do About My Racially Obtuse Co-Worker?

Jul 02, 2019 · 186 comments
jlb (Colorado)
I don't believe in "educating" people, unless they ask to be educated...they don't really listen, they argue. I prefer to say, "That's not something I'm willing to go along with, " with a smile as you walk away (you have to work with the guy.) Refuse any further discussion of the incident...just repeat the phrase as often as necessary, and walk. I guarantee you, it will stop. And he will be left to think about it, because you haven't argued. Behavior is more powerful than words in a situation like this, because it delivers a consequence without an argument to mentally refer back to. It leaves curiosity and rumination, which is best.
Martha (Atlanta)
Why should the black guy be the only one responsible for dealing with the "racially obtuse" language/behavior of his colleague? As a white person, I try to recognize when this is happening in my presence or environment - not because I should "save" a situation, but because this kind of more subtle racism damages our teamwork and collegiality. He should talk to other workers who, presumedly, don't talk like that. Ask them if they have noticed. If they didn't notice, maybe now they will and can help to point those things out to the white guy. This is everybody's job.
S (USA)
My father was proud of the fact that he “pulled himself up by the bootstraps.” He was white. When did that expression become racist?
Eileen (Ithaca, New York)
Re: racially insensitive comments As a (white) teacher, years ago I said to a (white) student, "Get your cotton-pickin' hands off my desk!" when he went to help himself to my supplies. He immediately chastised me, replying, "You can't say that! It's a racial slur!" To this day, I am shocked that I did not realize the implications of that phrase until a student was bold enough to confront me - and I remain thankful that I was the one to be educated on that day. My comment was a reflex from my (northern) childhood but once I realized its racial origins, I never uttered that phrase again. It is worth reminding others when they use offensive language. At least some will be grateful for being set straight.
DC Reade (traveling)
@Eileen I read your comment, and was gripped by the same realization. For a few minutes. Until I recollected that black people are not the only people in the history of cotton agriculture to pick cotton. Plenty of Anglos and Latinos picked cotton, right here in the USA, before that process was automated. So it's arguably a class insult. But not a racist insult. Especially since I've never heard anyone use it as a particular race epithet directed at black people. I have heard it directed at myself, mostly as a young child. If there are extant references to supply the historical context of its racism, I stand corrected. But I'm inclined to think your student was having you on. It sounds more like a throwaway gag from a post-2000 television comedy show, to me.
Daniela Smith (Annapolis, md)
Please stick to ethics: your analysis of the legal issues in Q3 is just plain wrong. "Moral rights" are not recognized in US law. Buying a Jeff Koons does not give you the copyright to the work. And anyone is free to be a jerk and falsely claim authorship -- so long as its not done for fraudulent gain (FYI I wrote the Great Gatsby!). Universities don't split revenues with their employees out of the good of their hearts; its part of negotiated employment contracts. Finally, from a purely legal perspective, the former employer 100% owns the rights to the work and can do whatever they want with it. They may (quite rightly) suffer reputational harm for passing it off as someone else's work but legally speaking they would be well within their rights to give Q3 NO CREDIT whatsoever.
Meh (East Coast)
I take issue with the, they don't know what they're saying. Sorry, but adults *do* know what they're saying. That's why they're saying it and making a point of saying certain things in front of you. We (POC) know what people think. We see it in racially charged language in the media, we hear it, we see it in laws, in words spoken by elected officials and politicians. We see in the long history of racism in the US. But get this. I really don't care what you think. I don't care how you were raised. Where. Or what generation you belong to. I don't socialize with you. However, at work I have to get along with my collègues. Do my job. And, then, go home. I've experienced these micro aggressions for 50 years - from backhanded "compliments" (you're so articulate, you're smart, etc.) To expressions of surprise that I'm capable of doing the same job you have, or that I live in a nice neighborhood, go on vacations where you vacation, or can afford nice things. Shut up already. Unless you're paid to express your opinions and you are so entertaining, people want to listen, come to work and keep to neutral topics. Unless, of course, you want to antagonize the black guy, the Muslim woman, the Hispanic,and then feign ignorance or accuse a POC of being too sensitive or angry, or unable to take a joke etc. We've heard it *all* before. We can't win. If I did pull myself by my bootstraps, then there's shock and surprise. And if I didn't, well then I'm lazy and stupid. Just shut up.
hotGumption (Providence RI)
@Meh "'ve experienced these micro aggressions for 50 years - from backhanded "compliments" (you're so articulate, you're smart, etc.) To expressions of surprise that I'm capable of doing the same job you have, or that I live in a nice neighborhood, go on vacations where you vacation, or can afford nice things." Oh, as a woman and as a loathesome single mother, I thought as I read that you were talking about all the things I've heard throughout my life, just for being female. None of us are immune from being targeted for who or what we are. No one populace can co-opt full governance over victimhood. Speak up, walk tall, and move toward the light rather than becoming ensnared in anger by what other people say or think about you.
DC Reade (traveling)
@Meh it's just a fact that sometimes people don't know what might be implied or connoted from the remarks that they might make. Even adults can't be expected to know everything. Some quotient of noise and miscommunication is inherent in all verbal language. Unless the inconclusive cases are allowed to roll off, they'll accumulate and result in chronic paranoia. Unfortunately, the concept of reserving judgement has fallen into disrepute. It's as if present-day American society seems to be all about the hot take- the notion that whoever arrives at a conclusion fastest wins...something. So assumptions and hair-trigger reactions based on threadbare cues are rampant. "Fragility" is all over the place these days, it seems. Humor is forsaken in favor of hostility, and humility is mistaken for a sign of humiliation. As for "backhanded compliments like 'you're so smart, you're so articulate'"- in the absence of other evidence, how do you tell those from sincere compliments? What provides you with the certainty that there's a racist subtext? Those are not rhetorical questions. I'm inviting you to elaborate. I note that is not the situation faced by the querent in the article, who may very well be dealing with a hostile workplace situation. In particular, that co-worker's insinuation of "cheating"- I think it would be a good idea to speak with my teammates about airing that one out.
DC Reade (traveling)
@DC Reade okay, it looks like I misread that one- the co-worker was talking about an off-site situation, so to speak. Which leaves the situation as a case of a white co-worker who can't help but continue to make stereotypical insinuations about black people to his black co-worker, apparently as some sort of bonding exercise that tacitly indicates that the black worker is being accepted as an exception, despite their presumed racial handicap. Which is total goonery, of course. Worse, I can't think of any sure way to correct the situation without the risk of overcomplicating it. I really don't like the word "microaggressions"- "micro" is really, really tiny, implying "maybe imaginary." And this is more like "a real thing that's annoying, but not actionable." So notwithstanding my earlier criticisms of Meh's more general remarks, I agree with the answer in the post: just avoid the fool. This is my last comment in this thread; on a topic like this, it's too easy to make the sort of minor slips that require a correction like this one, and very difficult to phrase a post so precisely that it eliminates any possibility of my words being misunderstood. So before I add any more confusion, I'm out.
Passion for Peaches (Left Coast)
The first writer is either hypersensitive and agenda driven, or is the worker who is the racist in the room. I don’t see anything wrong with the quotes given, in the neutral context described. As The Ethicist points out, context is everything. But what is the context of the writer’s assumptions? Does he or she view everyone who isn’t black as a potential racist? Given that the writer first describes the coworker as “a caring person” and then implies something quite different, I think that the writer might be the one who is prejudiced — in that such a prejudgment is made based on the coworker’s race alone. As a woman who has put up with a lot of prejudice, harassment and abuse in her life, simply because she is female, I refuse to walk on eggshells around other people’s issues. Common courtesy and common sense should be sufficient guides to anyone in the workforce, coupled with enough generosity of spirit to give one’s coworkers the benefit of the doubt. This obsession with trigger warnings and PC suppression of opinion has gone too far. We all need to pull our socks up and just get on with it. A woman told me that she avoided a long list of topics around her fiends and coworkers because they all had issues. So she could not, she said, talk about her weight or anyone else’s (in fact, she talks about her weight loss constantly). She couldn’t mention divorce, or violence in the news, or sad things, or spiders. Okay, I’m joking about the spiders. But come on!
Working Stiff (New York)
Affirmative action usually involves discrimination in favor of persons within a protected class. It quite naturally diminishes the perceived value of the awarded prize (e.g., college admission, job opportunity, promotion, etc,). As a result, given the lack of comparability between the rewarded minorities and others, the awarded prizes tend to be devalued in the eyes of the others.
Postcard Collector (Mexico)
@Working Stiff This piece doesn't involve college admission, job opportunity or promotion. It's two co-workers, one saying stuff abhorrent to his co-worker's race. When I worked in juvenile rehab, the words "protected race" and "rewarded minorities" weren't coined; the juvenile prison was filled entirely by poor boys - white, disproportionately black - from trauma-filled backgrounds. Explain "rewarded minorities" to my co-workers who stayed 30 years.
Todd (Key West,fl)
Of course it is impossible to know if the person with the problem with race in the first letter is the black or the white one. Maybe the things the white person says are totally reasonable and the black person chooses to take offense despite considering him to be a hardworking caring person. If someone has elected to work in the poorly paying public sector and the biggest problem you have with them is they use the "horrific" micro-aggression "pulling ones self up by their bootstraps" maybe you are to just keep your views to yourself and be happy that this person has chosen to work to help people. Of course the risk he you might have to hear him say something even worse next, maybe even , god forbid, " America is the land of opportunity".
BeforeGentrification (Washington, DC)
@Todd ...this is right up there with who ya gonna believe--my lips or your lying eyes. Very few people acknowledge the pain of micro aggressions as 1000 paper cuts and the how damaging it is to the psyche. I challenge you to reframe your argument in support of the person who chose to write to the NYTIMES about a troubling incident. Very few responded with empathy, walk-in his shoes, automatically defending the "caring" co-worker speaks volumes
Todd (Key West,fl)
@BeforeGentrification Not that many years ago we might about been talking about an "Archie Bunker" type co-worker throwing racial invectives around as easily as you or I breathe. Today we have come far enough from that place people that need to work hard just to find ways to be offended. Sorry I not buying what you are selling.
Art Likely (Out in the Sunset)
@Todd And yet, we have a president that tells people to go back to where they came from, and followers who chant it en masse. Having lived through both eras, I can tell you that things aren't so much better now that we don't have people acting as badly as they did then. Also, when someone says, "You hurt me," the proper response is, "I apologize," not "No I didn't." The former acknowledges an experience beyond our own: the latter negates it.
Kay Sieverding (Belmont, MA)
I'm looking for book suggestions for MIT alumni. Would one of Appiah's books be good for this group ? Or a different race related book, since I am also looking for books on other subjects?
Roger (Castiglion Fiorentino)
LW #1 It is ethical to engage this person in a discussion, and to express how his comments make you feel. Beyond that what do you hope to accomplish; what is your goal? In the end people are entitled to believe whatever they believe, but you don't have an ethical obligation to engage or listen.
Ray
Mr. Appiah, you blew it. Although you ably discussed the unethical conduct of the company that sought to steal authorship of the two papers, you utterly failed to point out the serious ethical lapses of the author who wrote you. He had applied to present 2 papers at a conference that allows presenters to give only a single paper. When both were accepted, he should have withdrawn one of the papers from their schedule. Instead, he sought to fake the authorship of the second paper, claiming that someone else—who had nothing to do with the research, concept or authorship—had written the paper. He didn't deserve the intellectual blackmail and arm-twisting that the company exercised, but he shouldn't be presenting a fraudulent author either. The restriction that the conference made is one that is not uncommon and is entirely reasonable, seeking to give an opportunity to hear from as many voices as possible. Hearing from a bogus author, though, is certainly not what they envision, and the author who wrote you has clearly sought to violate that provision.
Passion for Peaches (Left Coast)
@Ray, good point. That letter writer lost credibility in my eyes with these words: “I probably signed a document stating that any work I did as an employee belonged to the company.” I think he or she is well aware of having signed such a document, don’t you? And, I think, equally aware of having cheated on the “single paper” limitation.
CK (Rye)
Talk is cheap, people are entitled to their unlearned, as we as learned opinions. Office whiners should try construction where the boys really will be boys even if they are nearing retirement; I've got a co-worker who likes to invoke a very well known and generally reprehensible "1940s German salute and greeting." I laugh at him, he's a "really nice guy."
Martha (Maryland)
Thank you, Appiah, for your kind and sensible reply to the first letter.
Glen (Pleasantville)
Well, first letter writer, you can think of the Times comments as a nice sample size of people of your coworker’s mindset and general demographic profile. So, yeah... you can pretty much see how that’s going to go over. Sorry. I’ve never known pointing this stuff out to have much effect. I and others have tried with our (otherwise lovely, well-intentioned, pretty-good-for-their-generation-honestly) white Boomer relatives. Even done gently, by someone they love and who is of the same race and background... well, they just can’t see how that’s racist. And they will lash out. Best you can hope for is hurt feelings and a condescending lecture on semantics.
jb (ok)
@Glen, good for their generation? Well, that's better than some gross insults to elders today. As a long-time progressive, I appreciate that. If you casually insulted any other group of millions of diverse people, even with the qualifier "white," we'd be seeing letters here all day long about it. The name baby boomer is leading to slurs on the parents and grandparents of younger people--they must be babies and they must have been affluent. And they made the world bad on purpose. Really, though, many babies were born post WWII-- a "boom" in babies. That's all. But a generation of all kinds of people, deeds, troubles, politics, economic classes, and fates is sneeringly described and often now hatefully characterized. Even as the sneerers at these millions for their age--are getting older themselves every day. They may cut SS and help for elders, as mom and dad deserve none, just in time to need it themselves. And the wealth class will chuckle and pocket the change.
Andrew (New Haven CT)
My understanding of and experience with “playing the race card” is a defensive reaction (“you’re a racist, that’s why I’m being criticized”) in response to a perhaps very valid criticism, personal or otherwise.
Paulie (Earth)
Pulling yourself up by the bootstraps is not only racist it is physically impossible. I’m tired of old bromides that in reality mean nothing. As far as “playing the race card” I would hope my black friends would slap me if I ever said that. I’m white.
MDB (Indiana)
@Paulie — Actually, “bootstraps” is more classist than racist. It is most easily said by those who have more opportunity and advantage, and raises the often false hope that if one works hard enough, they, too, can find success. But, this is all too often a cruel myth to keep the lower classes working to the upper classes’ benefit. See the Horatio Alger stories for the genesis of the phrase.
Doug (SF)
This is a really weak column because it lacks data. Context matters. If the bootstraps comment was made in the sense of "those people would do better to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps" it is racist. The saying itself reflects a mythical ability for poor people of any race to achieve success, an American dream that has never been true for most. The cheating comment is completely context free. If there is a racist context as the letter writer suggests and he thinks his coworker is clueless about privilege, simply asking the coworker to explain his thinking or sharing a story of how a saying can carry heavy racial baggage might let the coworker learn without defensiveness.
Margo (Atlanta)
You might need to be told that the truly offensive part of that sentence is "those people" or "you people". That phrase will trigger like nobody's business. I was speaking with a customer service rep about my home security system - to get a rate decrease based on my decrepit equipment which they own but never upgrade. I told her I didn't need "their people" to come to my house. A sharp intake if air and a somewhat chilly tone was adopted for the remaining minute of the call... Beware.
RLiss (Fleming Island, Florida)
Re ; the "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" comment. Considered now, by some, to be a mildly racist comment in that it ignores the benefits that have accrued to the white population by years and years of good schools, good jobs, good housing and so on, and that these things are / were not often as available to people of minority groups. A good point, in fact, but in my opinion it is not always said maliciously or with a racist connotation. Have to wonder if LW1 was reading that into it?
NSH (Chester)
@RLiss Well clearly because of other things the co-worker said.
Martha (Atlanta)
@RLiss - racist behavior or even language does not mean the intention was malicious. Nor do good intentions diminish their racist impact to people who feel it (some legitimately and some mistakenly).
ZijaPulp (Vacationland)
The odious expression involving bootstraps is invariably uttered or, worse, offered as advice by people who never had to do such a thing to others who could no sooner be lifted to a decent or near-level playing field by a crane. Condescending, clueless, and cruel.
chris Norrdin (carlsbad, ca)
@ZijaPulp Give me a break, "The odious expression involving bootstraps ... was... invariably uttered" by me to my children.
Stefanie (Pasadena, Ca)
As a Jew I have heard many anti Semitic remarks over the years, some said not knowing I was Jewish, some directed at me by mean kids while growing up in a mostly non Jewish, just slightly north of the mason Dixon line, town. If I felt the comment was an innocent, non judgmental comment, such as when I was asked where my horns were by a classmate whom had never met a Jewish person, I took the time to explain the origin of the comment and correct the misunderstanding. If the comment was made by someone I thought was otherwise decent but misinformed, I would tell them I was Jewish and hopefully show them that stereo types were unfair characterizations. If they were just mean, I kept my distance! If people continued to make similar comments in my presence, I did not bother to correct them, but in the words of Maya Angelou, “when people show you who they are, believe them.” You have to work with your coworker, but you do not have to socialize with them. Rise above it, do your work, and associate only in the context of doing your job. If this persists, you can file a claim with Human Resources as this type of comment is not permitted in today’s work world. I think you personally have already stated your case directly to your coworker and need not continue to do so.
J c (Ma)
@Stefanie I think you are exactly correct here. Keep away and if they persist, report them. Fair warning was given, and professionals need to know how to act professional. PS was the person who asked you where your horns were Sacha Baron Cohen. I'm honestly floored to know that joke was taken from real-life.
Stefanie (Pasadena, Ca)
Not a joke, really happened! 1970 in a small Vermont town. I was first Jewish person he had ever met when I moved to town. It stems from a bad translation of a description of David in the Bible.
Roger (Castiglion Fiorentino)
@Stefanie David, or Moses? I know that Moses was represented in art with horns throughout Christian art because of a miss-translation of a word meaning 'radiance' as 'horned'. (See Michelangelo's "Moses" for the best-known example but there are many sculptures, paintings and manuscript illuminations from the Byzantine through the High Renaissance.)
Lynn in DC (Here, there, everywhere)
LW #1 -You do not have a great relationship with your coworker. He sounds like a person who enjoys insulting you. Set boundaries around what you allow him to say to you. I would reframe The Ethicist's suggested language to eliminate "please as a courtesy to me" and make a statement instead of asking a question. Do not sleep on this harassment because it will escalate if you do nothing. LW#2 - This entire situation is bizarre. Why can't an individual present more than one paper, especially if the conference has selected two of an individual's papers for presentation? Get back in touch with the employer and the conference organizers about restoring your name to both papers and about you presenting both papers alone.
Grennan (Green Bay)
"public sector"...."community we serve". If that person is making derogatory generalizations about the people she serves as a government employee, it's actually a bigger issue than the writer's own feelings. How would the the writer handle it if the coworker were talking about a group with which s/he shares no characteristics? The answer lies there.
Keely (NJ)
Nearly 40 million Americans meet the definition of poverty: there's no such thing as boot straps with terrible odds like that. Something is inherently wrong with capitalism- but that's a story for a different time. As for this racially clueless coworker, my advice would be to simply avoid interaction with them as much as possible. Just this past week a coworker I'm pretty cool with made a comment I found racially insensitive. Some snide remark about my part time hours, which made me believe she suggested I was another 'lazy Black.' I work part time and she's white and I'm black. I've just avoided her since. If black people in America devoted all our time to schooling whites on their racism we'd never get anything done. People are how they are.
Northpamet (Sarasota, FL)
I wonder what would happen if for one day — just one — Americans were ever honest about race. The dishonesty never ends and just gets us tied in more and more difficult knots.
rumpole (walla walla)
You got the ethics right and the law all wrong. An employer owns the copyright in the article of an employee -as a matter of law- under something called the work-made-for-hire doctrine. The ownership in the employer vests automatically if the work is created within the scope of employment. The employer then becoems the "author." (The seventh circuit (home of Posner and Easterbrook) have carved out an exception to this rule for academics that has no textual basis in title 17 whatsoever.) Short story is: your employer owns your emails, reports, and post-it notes unless you're a tenured academic in the 7th cir. What the employer did here falls into the category of lawful but awful.
J c (Ma)
@rumpole You are conflating authorship with ownership. The means by which the employer gains ownership is not relevant here--the LW has stipulated that the employer is the rightful owner. Now, just because you are the author of something doesn't mean that the new owner has to have you present it or even put your name on it when presented. So yeah, what difference does it make if the new owner can legally disguise the fact of your authorship. It's possible that the law doesn't really differentiate authorship from ownership when it doesn't make a material (financial) difference, but that is probably an oversight. I can't think of a good reason to not permanently record the creator separately from the owner of a work.
Tom (NYC)
I'm white. I've been in various workplaces fo 50 years. I have never once heard "playing the race card" used in any way but negative, especially with respect to affirmative action. The Ethicist dropped the ball on this question. It's not a matter of evenhandedness. Try right and wrong.
chris Norrdin (carlsbad, ca)
I think common courtesy rules that if a friend or colleague informs you that a certain expression bothers him/her, you should say, sorry, I'll try not to repeat it. But, as an old white guy, I would not expect the boot straps remark to offend anyone, nor would refrain from telling anyone they have a nice house, or that they are articulate. I am 70 years old, I can't imagine being offended if someone on the ski slope says: hey you ski pretty good.
Earthling (Pacific Northwest)
The letter writer with the intellectual property problem should be advised to see a lawyer who litigates intellectual property matters. I have gotten rights back for authors when a corporation claims to have bought the rights. His problem needs a lawyer, not an ethicist.
Stu Pidasso (NYC)
And never the twain shall meet??
l (doigan)
I believe that moral rights in the states pretty much only applies to artistic works. Mr. Appiah may wish to check with his legal sources,
Doug Singsen (Milwaukee)
I'm fairly astounded by the almost uniform lack of racial awareness in these comments and from the esteemed scholar Kwame Anthony Appiah. I don't even know where to begin here, but here's one starting point: "self-reliance" has continually been a fictional construct used by whites in the United States to justify and explain their own privileges and advantages while criticizing people of color for the impact of structural racism that has been a continual part of this country since its foundation.
wbarletta (cambridge)
As an editor of a prominent scientific journal, I can confirm that this episodes constitutes serious scientific misconduct. If any of the work was performed with government funds it also violates the OMB rules regarding scientific misconduct. While the IP that you produced may belong to the company which is free to create product or derivation work, it does not permit the organization to make a false claim of authorship or to deny authorship if the paper is presented or published. Moreover, in any publication of further work, acknowledgement and/or citation of your work is demanded by research ethics.
Walter Reisner (Montreal)
" I discovered, however, that my name had been taken off both abstracts" What the letter writer describes is a serious breach of scientific ethics (I am a tenured prof and pretty expert on these questions). All the letter writer has to do is write a letter to the conference organizers explaining the situation. The talk will not be allowed to go ahead while authorship questions are in dispute.
justme (onthemove)
This is a co-worker. You've make your feelings and position clear. Leave it. He/she will say eventually the wrong thing to a person who will impose a consequence on loose lips.
Sza-Sza (Alexandria Va)
While I never got handed the race card(I am white), I sure got handed the gender card explaining to me how I had only gotten a leg up, so to speak, because I am a woman. I think this kind of commentary says much or perhaps everything about the one making the comment. It shows resentment, hidden anger, and is a put down or put you in your place remark masquerading as a "helpful" one. I don't think becoming defensive or explaining yourself or your hurt feelings will be helpful. Hurt feelings is the aim here as is setting you straight on why you are where you are - ie only via the "race card". I would try to turn this back on the person with something like - Boy,you bring this up often, so it must really bother you. Why do you think you feel this way? Do you think that no credit is due anyone for making progress on their own? Did your upbringing suggest that others got ahead only because of a boost? He/she will likely get defensive but you can say, neutrally, that you are just trying to understand what drives this. Suggest they explain themselves and let them. You get my drift. You will never get anywhere with your approach.
fjbaggins (Maine)
This is much better advice than what was offered by the NYT. The person complaining about a coworker's insensitivity on racial issues shouldn't just "drop it" but should continue to politely question the other's motives and evidence. These are teaching moments and persistence is necessary.
Vail (California)
I'm white and I aways said I pulled myself up by my bootstraps. OMG, I didn't know I couldn't use that term in regards to me.
wavedeva (New York, NY)
Because I have a sensitive scalp, I prefer not to use chemicals to straighten my hair. In fact I now have a huge bald spot thanks to a previous hair straightening attempt, but I digress. I decided to let my hair grow out naturally and cut off the straightened hairs so that I had a short Afro. My boss upon seeing my new hairstyle stated, "You look like a black militant." That was bad enough, but what really irked me was one colleague's insistence on rubbing his hand through my hair. I repeatedly explained to Mr. X that I found this offensive, but he kept doing it. Mr. X and I were at a conference in Florida and once again he performed the offensive maneuver in front of a fellow conference attendee. The attendee looked at Mr. X and literally yelled, "That's disgusting!" I would like to thank the fellow conference attendee for finally getting Mr. X to stop violating my personal space and performing a racist gesture. Unfortunately some individuals do not take note until an impartial party weighs in.
Passion for Peaches (Left Coast)
@wavedeva, that’s awful. I’m sorry for your troubles, but I don’t think the abuse you experienced (it was outrageous, clearly) is in the same universe as the offense the first writer is taking a coworker’s choice of words. Words not directed at the letter writer.
Sarah Wauters (Los Angeles)
@wavedeva It's interesting how conferences get some bad behavior out in the open. I am a white woman who was continually receiving comments from the COO of my company about my hair, my clothes and my shoes - and not in a positive light but as an underhanded undermining. At a conference, in front of my entire team, this COO touched my skirt and commented that it was wrinkled (it was meant to be fabric with wrinkles) and that my hair was wet (I am naturally curly and do not blow dry). But I inadvertently took advantage of the situation. I was so mad that I said aloud in a very stern voice "COO (his name), you always comment on my hair and my clothes. NEVER do it again." No need to say please. Just say it loud and proud in front of other people. Luckily the CEO, my sales director and my sales team all heard. Within a month the entire senior team did sensitivity training and within 6 months, the COO was gone. Name the person, establish the pattern of behavior and state "NEVER do it again."
Martha (Atlanta)
@Sarah Wauters - way to go!
Angelus Ravenscroft (Los Angeles)
Writer 1 needs to come up with a little stronger evidence of the coworker’s alleged racism, or stop with the passive aggressive micro-aggression. If this is a good person, as you say, chill out. You’re making an big effort to be aggrieved.
Passion for Peaches (Left Coast)
@Angelus Ravenscroft, perfectly stated. I agree.
Martha (Atlanta)
@Angelus Ravenscroft - "evidence of racism" is clearly there when a black person kindly asks a white person to stop a particular behavior because they find it deeply troubling and damaging to their relationship - and the white person ignores that request. (If race wasn't an issue, you'd call that just plain rude.) PS - micro-aggressions are when the person being hurt is receiving the aggressive behavior, not vice-versa.
Ken (Jersey)
Does this mean we have to stop saying, "I need to reboot my laptop"? Yes, the derivation of booting a computer is the bootstrap metaphor. I worry how quickly we are to abandon things because the Right uses them as codes, symbols, and dog whistles. Apparently, for example, we are no longer supposedly to display the Betsy Ross flag for the same reason. What's next? Some of my conservative friends like to quote Martin Luther King's color of skin/content of character speach. Is that now out of bounds? If the Right has any brains, they could keep progressives chasing their tails for years. (And in my opinion, the liberals, excuse me, progressives lost the war when they let liberal become a dirty word.)
jb (ok)
@Ken, that's a fact. As if liberals had been wicked somehow. Most of the changes that helped us all came from us. We need to defend what we've done, as should the Democratic Party. I even hear democrats use "democrat candidate, etc.) But republicans are good at their tricks. One tip: if people try to split you, whatever demographic, away from others opposing Trump, they aren't your friends.
Postcard Collector (Mexico)
Retired caucasian female here. I was lucky to work mostly in all- female places: an all-female office and substitute teaching in grade schools. But, at the juvenile rehab prison, where I worked in the office, there were lots of men, and I was verbally harassed once. The workplace was multicultural, as were the clients. We workers were always writing each other up for verbal infractions. Then we had a union rep who mediated. People were fired, if the infraction was serious, or consisted of repeated behavior. I would never, ever say the phrases or words "race card" or "pull up bootstraps" to my Black co-workers, or the Black visiting religious affiliates, at "the water cooler". Huh? Let alone to any boys/families who lingered long waiting, when they checked in for family visits, or for other reasons, came to the front office. I think The Ethicists' advice was excellent. Gotta set boundaries with this churlish behavior.
sjs (Bridgeport, CT)
@Postcard Collector Is the whole question whether or not it is churlish behavior? Many people do not think it is. I would say that the writer has not made his case with the evidence presented.
hotGumption (Providence RI)
The "bootstraps" comment, with no basis in racism, has nonetheless been co-opted by the offended party as racist. By reading a slur into this comment the offended worker might also be guilty of racism. When anyone -- but especially someone we otherwise like -- says things that make us feel diminished, the direct approach is best. No one need storm into HR blustering about their rights. "So-and-so, when you say that I feel disrespected and here's why. And the reason I'm speaking up is because you might not even realize it's hurtful." Many issues in this life can be addressed on a micro level that need never turn into a conflagration. When the local supermarket boss persisted in calling me "honey" I just asked him not to. "I'd prefer not to be called honey." That was the end of that.
Catherine Joy (Pa)
Hi Kwame, I am English / British, and the expression " pull yourself up by your bootstraps " was common enough in days gone by, and still used a bit today, but I have honestly never heard it used as a racial slur of any sort. Please explain it to me? Many thanks, Cathy Joy.
Passion for Peaches (Left Coast)
@Catherine Joy, I’m American and I am as puzzled as you are. It’s a perfectly fine phrase. I think this is just policing of speech and looking for things to be offended by.
AZYankee (AZ)
@Catherine Joy, read the comment from @Round the Bend. ML King made the point in a speech.
jb (ok)
@Catherine Joy, Sneering people who were comfortable used to incorporate the phrase in the idea that this was what poor people should do (instead of being so lazy). The idea was that they shouldn't be helped. It was used on black people often, but any poor person could expect it. So the phrase was tainted in the minds of those aware of this.
Round the Bend (Bronx)
The bootstraps metaphor has been around for a long time and has been used by Americans of all backgrounds. But it was given special resonance by Martin Luther King, who analyzed it succinctly with respect to its racist implications in a sermon in 1968. The quote comes at the end of a long passage. From the comments here, it's obvious that not everybody is familiar with it: "...It’s all right to tell a man to lift himself by his own bootstraps, but it is a cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his own bootstraps." https://extranewsfeed.com/dismantling-the-bootstrap-myth-8ba295f92431
Pepper2 (United States)
@Round the Bend Brilliant! That is absolutely spot on.
Woolly Democrat (Western Mass)
@Round the Bend, thank you for explaining this. I don't like the expression but had no idea there were racial overtones to it. Now I understand my confusion.
Richard (NYC)
LW1 is concerned about "white fragility" but does not see that his own sensitivity is a problem. Feelings are not facts and opinions will sometimes not align with your level of comfort. Sorry but we all do have the right to free speech-nobody has a right to never be offended.
Alyce (PNW)
Re LW #1, your colleague sounds like a person of good will, just a bit clueless. I, as a white person who also does not always get it, have learned an enormous amount recently from a dear friend who was willing to initiate conversations with me about race. It is difficult but very rewarding. One thing was he recommended books. There are numerous good ones out there. That way your colleague can see that it's not just your own peculiarity, but a whole bunch of people who need to be respected. If I had not recently had these conversations with my friend, I would have just said 'ignore the comments' but I would no longer say that- an increase in sympathy, understanding, politeness, and intimacy is a huge blessing!
Woolly Democrat (Western Mass)
@Alyce, as a white person of good will but who also does not always get it and puts her foot in her mouth, I would appreciate it if you could provide the names of those recommended books.
Wanda (Merrick,NY)
@Alyce. You do not say what action you would take to be one not ignoring the comments. I think you have already taken that action by hearing and analyzing the comments for yourself-you only. One down (you), and millions to go. But the only end to hateful speech will be people who are not hateful.
Eliz94536 (California)
This is my wife's account, but I want to respond because I have some knowledge of how conferences work. I was an industrial researcher for many years, and have served as program chair of a major conference. When you join industry you understand that your company owns the IP rights to your work. That's a tradeoff we make for not having to do grant applications. Before submitting a paper or abstract, you are expected to have the submission cleared through a defined channel. I assume the author did this. The company has a right to refuse clearance if their business interests would be affected. So the author does not have the right to present the paper without permission. The company does not have the right to change authors, and as program chair I would want to be notified of any such attempt. The conference is a player here also, and the reputation of the conference would suffer if this was allowed. The company has the right to withdraw the papers, but I would remove any paper where authorship was fraudulently assigned from the program, even at the last minute. I am not sure about adding the additional presenter to get around the one presenter rule. But the conference should be given the info to make that decision.
Sarah Wauters (Los Angeles)
I urge the writer of this letter (academic) to check his employment agreement. The taking of copyright through "work made-for-hire" has been heavily litigated and the wording in the contract must be specific for them to claim that anything he has authored during his period of employment is owned by them. Most specifically, the contract has to actually recite the words "work made-for-hire." If it does not, the letter writer is not only the author, he is the holder of the copyright of both papers - and he can sue for infringement. Kathleen (below) is incorrect with regard to the journal owning the copyright, unless she has entered a contract stating such.
John (NJ)
@Sarah Wauters Would the author need to apply for or otherwise take action for his work to be copyrighted?
Kathleen (NH)
I am a former academic now working in a clinical setting. My research is my research with my name on it, the copyright belongs to the journal that publishes it, the organization that I was working for at the time gets credit for making the research possible, and it includes my work among their papers when they apply for grants. As I am getting older, I make sure that my coauthors are younger colleagues and I give them a chance to do the presentation at conferences.
Denise St-Pierre (Quebec)
Dear Kwame, I would bring the topic up one more time and say that it was the last as I feel I am not taken seriously. He must know how you feel. After that, if he does not apologize and change, I would think he is not much of a friend at all. I hope this helps you. Good Luck, Denise
Jack McCullough (Montpelier, Vermont)
I've heard that at one time Michael Jackson owned the copyrights to the songs written by the Beatles, or some of them. The company that LW#2 worked for has exactly the same right to claim to have written the letter writer's papers as Michael Jackson would have had to claim to have written "Yesterday" or "Eleanor Rigby". Unfortunately, even a well-reasoned and authoritative statement that another person has acted unethically is unlikely to stop the unethical behavior.
PrairieFlax (Grand Island, NE)
@Jack McCullough Michael Jackson *did* purchase the Beatles catalog, but never claimed he wrote the songs. Purchasing the rights does not give claim to authorship. It does, however, making an author claiming royalties that much harder (unless an agreement is in place) and allows the purchaser to do things like license the song to Muzak; political campaigns, etc. Look up the ASCAP or BMI site for more information on this. Hence, many songwriters form their own publishing companies to protect themselves. (Christine McVie, for example, had her own publishing company, Gentoo Music - but later sold the rights when she temporarily left Fleetwood Mac. She was still cited as the songwriter, but it allowed FM to perform her songs when she was absent.)
Nadine (NYC)
The movie, Patterns highlighted that big corps and bosses can get personal when denying credit where credit is due and distort the facts due to ageism. Employment contracts should stipulate your suggestions for disclosing authorships. Often big corps buy out tiny start ups and claim they have discovered something new or develop products developed by US research agencies. How many local newspapers were swallowed up by the media giants. Also there is intellectual property theft as when China developed the market for solar panels. It was invented by the US Dept of Energy in Pittsburgh around 1980 as a response to the Libya oil embargo. I was at their facility. When historians or Wikipedia get the facts straight, I give them great value. That is democracy. Smithsonian Channel revealed in America in color that in the 1920s the real Wyatt Earp was a consultant to Cecil B DeMille, the movie director in how the wild west really was in the 19th century . I said Oh. Love that channel.
Beth Grant DeRoos (Califonria)
Am 73, female, white and a wild west Sierra mountain woman and the excuse someone is to old to change bad behavior is nonsense. Pure nonsense! A person can change IF they want to bad enough. If a co worker, guest in our home, uses terms that in 2019 are insensitive and down right rude, and they refuse to change I would visit the HR office or speak to a supervisor or if in our home the offender would be given the three strike rule. Yes, we have had to tell a guest to leave when he refused the THINK before he spoke! Personally I just don't tolerate such nonsense, especially if someone has calmly explained to the offender why, what they are saying is simply inappropriate. Period. What is of equal concern to me with the example in this piece is no other employees have spoken up? If that is the case then that is part of the problem! And one need not rant and rave, scream and yell. One need just speak up in clear precise terms saying 'stop it, that is rude and not welcomed here' 'this is 2019 its time to put outdated terms in the dust bin'. Or in my case offer to take 'em outside and give them an attitude adjustment!! Ok... so maybe that's not a good suggestion
RLiss (Fleming Island, Florida)
@Beth Grant DeRoos: BUT who gets to decide what exactly are the "dated" comments or references that are now considered unacceptable?
Susan (California)
Regardless of the appropriateness of such comments, LW1 went looking for signs of racism, and found them. It actually says more about LW1 than it does about the comments.
DW (Philly)
@Susan ?? How did he go looking for racism? He says clearly their job and their conversation had nothing to do with race. Yet the person felt the need to make remarks about race.
Sarah Wauters (Los Angeles)
@Susan I think that your comment indicates more about you than anything about letter writer #1. The subtle nature of the comments doesn't mean the racism didn't exist.
Back Up (Black Mount)
"pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" is an age old expression which has nothing to do with race. When one says they are offended by the expression they are indeed fishing for racism, as LW1 is in his complaint. This is becoming as much of a problem in race relations as actual racism.
Katherine 2 (Florida)
I guess I'm happy for those who have been able to remain, um, innocent of racist speech to the point that they don't know how often those phrases are used by those who managed to learn not to say the n-word or to openly accuse people of color of being lazy whiners bent on getting away with exploiting white people. Good for you and thanks for demonstrating one aspect of white privilege for us. Now back to planet Earth. One way to deal is to question the person making such remarks. Ask him to be specific about who "plays the race card" and who refuses to "pull themselves up by the bootstraps." It will soon become clear whether these are misunderstandings about the human species, or one group in particular. You can't fix the former but you can insist that the latter no longer take place in your hearing. And . . . if you haven't been the target of wide-scale ongoing insensitivity and callousness about who you are (not what you think or do, but an essential part of your self), it can be very hard to understand why one particular ongoing source of it can't just be tolerated, why it becomes insupportable to assume the best all the time. Don't assume that your experience constitutes the limits of reality for everyone else.
Wanda (Merrick,NY)
My mother who was from Alabama, and raised there, was born shy of one hundred years ago. She was a southern Jew. She, and my Grandmother, often used the phrase about pulling one up by their bootstraps. It was a surprise to learn while reading this column that a black American was offended by this for being a racial slur. It was an ‘ah ha’ moment for me. All of those years of having that said to me by my family when I would fail at something-just ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps,’ implying ‘get on with it’, was my mother’s unwitting use of a racial slur. Who knew?
DW (Philly)
@Wanda I think you, like some other commenters, misunderstand why the bootstraps comment may be offensive racially. The notion of pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps doesn't contain any specific racial content. But when whites use the phrase in reference to minorities, it shouldn't be too hard to understand how it can be heard as suggesting that they shouldn't complain, if they would only work hard they could overcome all their problems, they have no excuse if they are poor, etc. But pulling oneself up by one's bootstraps often doesn't work. This doesn't mean anyone who ever uses the phrase means to be racially offensive. But it's not unreasonable to ask people to understand how in some contexts, it could be.
Steve S (NYC)
@Wanda "Pulling oneself up by the bootstraps" has become a standard dog-whistle phrase among the mildly racist-through-white supremacist crowd. The phrase now is often used to undermine affirmative action and integration. The idea is that if black Americans would just pull themselves up by the bootstraps, they wouldn't need handouts, and giving them help weakens their ability to pull themselves up. I would argue that the use of the "Pulling oneself up" phrase is clearly racist. That said, it's possible the white co-worker is just unaware (actual awareness seems increasingly rare in our bent-over-a- smarthphone-and-living-for-an-Instagramable-moment world) or just dull-witted. However, the racist use of "pulling oneself up by the bootstraps" is utter hogwash. The notion completely ignores the pervasive and systemic discrimination against minorities that permeates American society. It makes believe America is a level playing field when it is objectively not. I've always argued that until every child in America has the same education, nutrition, and healthcare, at minimum—regardless of race, religion, ethnicity, gender, orientation, etc.—affirmative action is needed to give minorities a chance. The fact is, however, we've never gone far enough. We have a long way to go to live up to what the Constitution promises each of us.
dan (Alexandria)
That phrase has taken on a different connotation during the course of your grandmother's life and, of course, has a different context when applied to an entire group of people by someone not in that group, vs. being said to an individual within the context of a loving familial relationship. I imagine you are intelligent and thoughtful enough to understand these factors, which raises the question of why you felt necessary to make the comment you made.
TMD
I have heard the antiquated term, pull yourself up by your bootstraps over the years but not in a racial context. In other words it was not a veiled reference to a person of color or a racial slur.
DW (Philly)
@TMD Something doesn't have to be an overt "slur" in order to be used to put someone down or imply something negative about them, or reinforce stereotypes. ("Poor black people should pull themselves up by their footsteps.")
DW (Philly)
@DW ooops .. "bootstraps," not "footsteps"
Wanda (Merrick,NY)
I think you overestimate the ability of most people to use subtlety when their words are meant to blister a person, a race or an idea. Hateful words are usually as subtle as hitting a person in the head with a baseball bat.
Always Merry and Bright (Florida)
One likes to think that they can change a bigot/racist by logic, a few well chosen words and other positive educational strategies- sadly, this is nonsense as these toxic overviews have been implanted over generations. Don't wait for an epiphany. On a more realistic basis when a co-worker is involved, maybe a quite word will at least tell someone that they're on hurtful and dangerous ground and to at least stop the most overt stupid comments. If the individual continues this kind of behavior, you'll have to (best as a group) go to management and explain what is and isn't reasonable and has to change and, failing that, embarrassing the company where it's possible. If it's SO overt, you may have to consult an attorney or appropriate government agency. Good luck.
Mo Better (New York, N.Y.)
As soon as we talk race in almost any situation today, we talk about "insensitivity" and point the finger of who's in the right and who's in the wrong. We no longer joke about it, get defensive talking about it, and we continually play a blame game rather than address the situation and talk like adults. Racism and insensitivity to one's personal beliefs affects everyone, and the only way to make it better is to address the issue, not hide behind the latest PC terms and jump down people's throats for a lack of understanding. There are times to draw the line when someone's beliefs are just outright skewed, but educating people, regardless of their color, is a far better approach than trying to prove them constantly wrong. Once again, "The Ethicist" tries to be the coolest kid on the block, and fails.
Someone (Boston)
LW1 - I am a white person who used to say some ignorantly racist comments (at least, I *hope* I don't anymore, but that's the trouble with ignorance, you don't usually know until someone points it out). They were on the edge, much like the examples you cited. I had a black coworker who, anytime I said something ignorant, asked me in a curious, friendly tone, "Why do you think that?" It was genius. It forced me to explain my thinking out loud. If I said something semi-reasonable in response she would ask again: "and why do you think that?" eventually we'd get to the heart of it and I'd realize that I was being racist, and I would then apologize. When posed as a question like that, it didn't make me feel defensive and reinforce the racist attitude. It simply made me examine myself. I am a better person because of her. I don't know if that will work in your situation, but it's worked for me when calling out my friends making homophobic comments. It's unfair that people of color have to bear the burden of educating white people on how not to be racist. Hopefully, some of your white colleagues will say something. I hope things get better.
Observer (Rhode Island)
Am I the only one to note that the statement "my colleague profusely praised a group of people" does not specify whether the group was composed entirely, mostly, partly, or at all of minorities? What are we supposed to assume here? I generally find the ethicist's advice to be sound and based on evidence. But in this case, he seems at least partially deaf to the letter writer's condescending tone and moral certitude. I think of Thoreau: ''If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good,'' he wrote in ''Walden,'' ''I should run for my life..."
Cca (Manhattan)
In this age of blatant racism led by the truly offensive statements of our “leader”, if these are the worst examples of racial offensiveness you can cite, I say let it go.
Dheep' (Midgard)
I have read this and considered what was said and still, I really don't get exactly why the "Bootstraps" comment is a racist comment. But, if I worked with someone who let me know that it offended them, I would be considerate of what they told me and refrain from using it. How hard is that ? Consideration & tolerance seem to be woefully absent from society these days. And with all that said, I can say - for a number of reasons, I have never liked that phrase & never used it.
David Goorevitch (Toronto)
Another thought strikes me, based on past experience. The white worker who continues to test softly-racially-charged language with his black colleague may be eager to explore feelings of prejudice with a friendly face. The conversation might be more positive than your writer thinks.
cantinad (michigan)
We are living in a period when just about everyone is ready to spring to a bias accusation no matter what their race or political affiliation. It is a sad commentary. The media isn’t helping either as it too often is ready to fan the flames of resentment.
hotGumption (Providence RI)
@cantinad The best, most succinct and commonsense comment on this topic. Yes, yes, yes!
Rip (La Pointe)
LW1: nothing in the letter or the Ethicist’s reply indicates the gender of these co-workers. Yet many comments here presume both are men (so does the cartoon). Thought experiment: Would the advice differ, or should it, if both were women, or one male the other female? If so, how? If not, why not?
Huh? (Horse Country)
Context is everything. In the course of teaching Information Technology concepts I have often explained that the term "booting up" comes from the expression, "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps." It would be difficult to understand the concept of a "bootloader" without understanding the problem that it solves. And, "bootstrap" is a verb in an IT context. To imply that in this context the phrase is racist or should be considered offensive is ludicrous. However, in a different context I can see how almost any phrase could be used offensively. Whether the speaker meant the phrase to be offensive, it seems to me, is more important that whether the hearer took it as offensive, since one unfamiliar with any word or phrase or context, might take offense at the usage in their presence. Explaining that you find a term offensive, why, and carrying on a human dialog in which you seek to understand the speaker's intent before making a judgement, seems a reasonable and ethical response. I remember being offended once by someone asking me how I liked my coffee. The way they asked was meant to convey a definite offensive racial sentiment. On the other hand, I have asked that question many times while preparing a brewed cup for someone, not once did I mean it to be offensive. Context is everything.
sjs (Bridgeport, CT)
@Huh? How does asking how you like your coffee become a offensive racial sentiment? Seriously, how does anybody make that statement into an insult?
Jonathan Walford (Canada)
When did 'pulling yourself up by your bootstraps' become a racially charged comment? The saying to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps has been around for as long as there have been bootstraps. Fashion history lesson here: In the early 19th century, bootstraps were loops of cotton twill ribbon sewn inside the leg of pull-on boots. They were commonly found inside riding boots and may even still be used. Even today, some ankle-height boots, like Blundstones, have a single loop at the back of the boot to help pull boots on. The saying only suggests that we can do much to improve our own situation by helping ourselves -- good advice for anyone.
Steve (New Mexico)
@Jonathan Walford I think that the advice becomes insensitive when it is offered dismissively, and without insight, to anyone who is seeking redress of legitimate grievances. It becomes racially charged when delivered as a blanket solution to real injustice suffered by an entire people.
witz (Miami)
Where (not what) are the ethics of designating as author or co-author someone who works at the same company but did not participate in the research? That shouldn't be considered at all.
Deb (NY)
Regarding authorship, journals and professional societies do not want authors who have not contributed materially to the work. Should the work appear in print, the true author has the right, and perhaps the responsibility, to inform the journal editors (or even the society leadership/conference organizers). This would likely be perceived negatively by the new company, but it is an ethical option.
A. Non (nj)
Ah, I have lived #1. A new consultant; first time we meet to go over work items, one of the first things out of her mouth is how the patron saint of her hometown is of my race. Our jobs have nothing to do with race or religion. We're not in a social environment. I don't know her (nor she, me) at all to have this discussion. I pointed out that it was an inappropriate comment. She got a little defensive, claiming she'd said similar things to others ("others" being foreign nationals, who would have brought a different context) - but she didn't do it again. I also told a few coworkers. I remember one manager wryly noting, "well, there's no real way to segue into *that*." It was once, and she didn't do it again, and we worked together after that, no problems. I felt no need to go to HR or anything like that. But it did affect the work environment. I frankly don't care what she does at home. But if I have to work with people, I expect a certain level of respect and the same basic treatment as anyone else on the team. That wasn't it. I also am curious how a woman in her likely forties hadn't learned how to navigate the workplace. But I'm also not losing sleep over that. However: if I'd been looking at hiring her, she would have had to been stellar before I'd introduce her into a work group. That, I think, could be the prime thing that she may not have understood.
DW (Philly)
@A. Non These things are really intractable. I would bet that to this day she hasn't the faintest idea why what she said was objectionable.
Irene (Cali)
@DW. Maybe because what she said wouldn't offend someone who wasn’t looking for microaggressions.
expat london (london)
I don't feel that we have enough information here to properly assess the situation. And most situations in life are unfortunately the same: we don't know all the facts, and we never will. Each side comes into these types of interactions carrying their own history and baggage. I believe that there are situations involving racial (or other bias) that some white, etc people either cannot or will not see. I also believe that there are other situations where a POC believes bias to be involved when it is not.
Pam (Asheville)
@expat london Given that white people are allowed to very comfortably default to a norm of white racism anytime our feelings take us there, whereas people of color can not ever dare to express similar generalizations about white people (even if they feel them) and still experience safety in a white majority situation there can be no equating the two. White people have no personal experience of racism to compare to what a person of color tells them is their experience. The only smart thing we white people can do when we have been called out on our racism is to shut up and listen. Best case scenario we learn something. Worst case scenario, we still learn something. To continually claim that one just cannot ever know and or prove racism insults people of color and blocks the possibility of white people ever learning what and where our racism actually is. What does it hurt for a white person to simply listen to a person of color tell us when they think something we have said or done is racist without argument? Why not just listen respectfully and assume they MIGHT know something we don't?
BeforeGentrification (Washington, DC)
@Pam Thank you. Listen. I might add change the narrative...if a person says a thing that they would never say about White people it begs the question regarding their thought process. The fact that he feels comfortable (privilege) making a comment about any group explains his low EIQ. His criticisms show low intellect and were entirely unnecessary and lazy. Of course, every person has the right to express their opinion, but please know those opinions reveal who you are...He's petty and unprofessional and should be avoided. When people reveal who they are pay attention...
hotGumption (Providence RI)
@Pam And people of color, who are smart, wise and capable, must also be held to a standard of not taking offense and making a faux stink over language that is not racist. Maybe It's time to understand that not every white person is a cauldron of naivety or animus and malevolence.
Katy (New York, NY)
LW1: You didn't mention if there was a significant age difference between you and your co-worker. I'm a white woman in my 60s. My mother used to tell me to do the bootstrap thing when my grades were lousy in school. All the time. If I could've fixed my problems with math by pulling up some boots, I would've. I didn't get it then, or now. On the other hand, I hear the n-word on the streets and public transportation all the time, nearly always by black kids, but also by adults. What's the context? What are the models? The kids I refer to and I grew up in different worlds. All I can say from the vantage of having lived a pretty long time is this: words and worlds change, and we must often give others the benefit of the doubt, and hope they will also do the same for us.
LizB (Ohio)
@Katy, my parents frequently used the "bootstrap" comment with myself and my sisters growing up - if we had "failed" at something (or had not done as well as we had hoped), or were emotionally distraught about something, or similar. I'm a white woman in my upper 50's. Maybe I'm naive, but I never considered it a racially charged saying - I don't say it, because of unhappy memories of my parents saying it in reference to my clinical depression (which they refused to acknowledge, or help me get treatment for, as a teenager). Live and learn.
Suzie130 (Texas)
@LizB I am a white woman in my seventies. I have pulled myself up by the bootstraps several times during my life. It was a term my family used to teach us that there are things that happen to you that you just have to get through. Fortunately, I don't remember it being used about grades or for emotional issues or as a shaming comment.
Round the Bend (Bronx)
@Katy The bootstraps metaphor has been around for a long time and has been used by Americans of all backgrounds. But it was given special resonance by Martin Luther King, who analyzed it succinctly with respect to its racist implications in a sermon in 1968. The quote comes at the end of a long passage. From the comments here, it's obvious that not everybody is familiar with it: "...It’s all right to tell a man to lift himself by his own bootstraps, but it is a cruel jest to say to a bootless man that he ought to lift himself by his own bootstraps." https://extranewsfeed.com/dismantling-the-bootstrap-myth-8ba295f92431
Lmca (Nyc)
Just marveling at the comments of people that demonstrate the obtuseness of American culture where "if I haven't experienced it, then it doesn't exist." Just because you haven't heard the expression "pull yourselves up by the bootstraps" in a racial context, it doesn't mean that it isn't frequently used in a racial context. Do you have statistically word-cloud maps that show the expression isn't used in a racially bigoted context? No? Then you have no factual counter-argument. Smart people shut up at that point because "better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt."
TMD
@Lmca depending on how the term is used I am sure it could be directed as a racial slur but proving it is NOT - I.e. proving a negative is very difficult at best. Can you explain how this is used as a racial slur. I am always willing to learn. And btw, I agree that the person who accused someone of “pulling the race card” is at best, insensitive and quite possibly worse . I can easily see how that demeans the feelings of the other party to that conversation.
CAH (Colorado)
@Lmca So by your logic, we should just "shut up" in general, because any phrase is pretty much suspect. For example, I'm going to call you out for the offensive use of the word "fool." Many people considered fools just have not had the same advantages of education enjoyed by others. News to you? Well, that shouldn't matter. Just be "smart" and never use it again in a derogatory context.
John (NJ)
@Lmca Just because it has been used in a racial context does not mean that it can only be used as such and that any use is racial. Collectively, we seem to have an unfortunate habit of assuming the worst intentions of others.
Abc123 (Massachusetts)
LW1 - are we serious that "playing the race card" and "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps" are, on their own, racially insensitive remarks? You put them in no context whatsoever. So, are you so personally fragile that ANY suggestion of the these phrases, even if accurate, is racially insensitive? You may be right that he is racially insensitive, but your assertion that these comments, without context, are evidence of that is wholly ignorant. What I see here, based on what you've described, is bad faith interpretations of someone's motives, without any actual evidence of racial animus or insensitivity. Simple advice - try approaching peoples' comments in good faith, assuming they are benign, instead of the opposite. Make people prove to you that they are racist, or otherwise bad, instead of assuming it based on the very weak evidence you presented here.
L Wolf (Tahoe)
@Abc123 I'm not sure this was addressed to me, since I was trying to state the exact opposite - that there may be no animus, just poorly worded statements that shouldn't automatically in bad faith. While I don't like the term "playing the race card," what is racist about bootstraps, anyway?
Katie Sullivan (Richmond, Virginia)
Whenever I hear the term, "they are playing the race card," it is always from someone who is white who belives they get to decide when race comes into play and when it doesn't. They also belive they get to decide when, "race doesn't matter," when in fact it always matters. And being offended by something, or findining it problematic, doesn't make you fragile. Whining with belligerence when someone finds something you say problematic makes you fragile. And "pull youself up by your bootstraps when applied to poverty implies that it is possible to get out of poverty with hard work alone. While it's true that if you took me and put me in poverty I could get out with work, you can't say the same about someone who grew up in poverty and doesn't have the 5,344 social and professional skills I have from growing up in a relatively wealthy family. And, not to pull the race card, it's a lot easier to pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you're white.
LB (Vancouver, BC)
Abc123 - I strongly suspect you are white and have not experienced a lifetime of racism as a person of colour. Otherwise I doubt you would simply tell a person of color to assume someone’s comments are benign. (I could be wrong, but that’s my guess.) Let’s begin here by extending that “good faith” you mention to the letter writer - and assume (1) there was likely not enough space in the column to give many more details, and (2) a person of colour should be trusted, rather than questioned, when they share their thoughts on/interpretation of a very carefully considered pattern of racist behavior. They certainly have a lot of experience over a lifetime to recognize it.
Jonathan Katz (St. Louis)
"pull yourself up by the bootstraps" has nothing to do with race. Does one race have more or fewer bootstraps than another? Or are its members better or worse at pulling? The metaphor is absurd (you cannot pull yourself up by pulling on your boots---any physicist will tell you that would violate the well-proven principle of conservation of momentum), but suggesting it has anything to do with race speaks of a mind that finds race where it is absent, like the people who imagined Communists under their beds.
Lola Flanagan (New York New York)
Some people have no boots
John (Florida)
@Jonathan Katz The phrase has everything to do with race. It became common especially during the Reagan admin when it was used to imply that people who were financially disadvantaged were lazy or wanted special opportunities. It has to do with social mobility and Reagan's gang referred to "Welfare Queens" who theoretically could have bettered themselves if only they tried. It's remarkably cynical, even for a Reagan phrase.
Pam (Asheville)
@Jonathan Katz It has to do with race every time it has to do with race. It just hasn't been used that way on you.
johnw (pa)
If the coworker is a "caring person", once informed that an aspect of their behavior is offensive, a caring person would seek to understand why & how on a deeper level and possibly change their behavior. Proactively suggesting without basis that an individual or group cheated to gain their success, is not the behavior of the "caring person". How would this "caring person" respond if in return, the letter writer suggested that they heard that her/his success was based on cheating? To continue comments that you have been informed a person finds insulting, may or may not be racist but it certainly is not behavior of a "caring person" even if that vocabulary has a different meaning in another person's history.
Charlierf (New York, NY)
Some Comments suggest that American Blacks are victims, and that trying hard is a fool’s game. The bootstrap approach, however fraught, offers more.
ChrisJ (Canada)
@Charlierf Trying hard could be a fool’s game when the cards are all stacked against one who is the victim of racism. And for many, bootstraps lead nowhere.
PrairieFlax (Grand Island, NE)
The United States is quickly becoming a minority-majority country. While we have to stamp out racism, anti-Semitism, sexism the moment we see or hear it, I am not too concerned for the future of women and minorities (except for women in Alabama and Missouri) - these racist hooligans will soon enough be minuscule in number, and they will no longer be able to get away with their cruel nonsense.
Aren (Massachusetts)
@PrairieFlax I wish that were true but I see the opposite. I see a country that is going backwards on race and class. Racism is an institutional problem and our current government is working hard to embed it more firmly in our country's policies. The problem isn't individual 'racist hooligans' but the policies that prop them up. Seeing racism as caused by certain individuals and not a systemic issue enables it to grow.
K Henderson (NYC)
My own experience as a manager is that i can never talk about any race related topics ever in the work place -- too inflammatory. Let HR handle it because legally they are supposed to. Both of these staffers are playing with fire. One could end up fired (or both) if someone else overhears. So many bad scenarios can happen here. As a manager, all of my red alarms are going off for both of these workers.
Edward (Taipei)
"Playing the race card" is never a "fair accusation". It is at best an inequitable strategy for reducing a complex situation to a single, controllable factor and then dismissing it out of hand. It's also never race-neutral and is only ever deployed in one direction (white --> non-white). Anyone who uses this phrase thereby tells me s/he's not interested in having a conversation but in maintaining control or privilege. It is deeply insulting and callous to suggest that my race is an advantage I can deploy at will to improve my "game" , rather than a burden I was unwittingly and unwillingly born to and have been forced to shoulder ever since. I really have no advice on how to deal with this person. My tolerance for this sort of nonsense has gone subterranean, and my own response would probably be: side eye, walk away, stay away. My own mental and emotional health are now more important to me than helping other people surmount their ignorance and prejudice or facilitating their growth.
Ann Walsh (Queens, NY)
@Edward disagree that playing the race card is never fair. There are times when people would rather view an outcome they don’t want as the result of racism rather than the result of other factors; sometimes the race card provides an easy response. Not everything is racism.
Toby (Providence,)
@Edward, amen to everything you said!
Pam (Asheville)
@Ann Walsh No one is claiming, or has ever claimed anywhere that "everything is racism." I have been around people of color all of my life and have not ever one time heard a single person of color call something racist that wasn't absolutely exactly that. The last thing people of color are doing is tossing the so-called "race card" around.
Mary M (Raleigh)
The best way to change someone's mind on race is for that person to have more positive interactions with people of different races. I am a 50-something white woman who grew up in the segregated South. In the past ten years in my current job, I have had the benefit and pleasure of working with several outstanding black professionals in my field. I have deep respect for my black coworkers and have learned a lot from them. If any one were to make any disparaging comments about them (which no one does), I would jump to defend them.
Dionysios (Athens)
Why should it take working with talented (fill in the blank) professional to not be a bigot? I’ve never worked - that I know of - with a Native American, a Gambian, a Laotian, etc, and yet a priori recognize their humanity, dignity, and worth.
Ann Walsh (Queens, NY)
@Dionysios Mary M says she grew up in the segregated South, a context which may have given her some erroneous beliefs about African Americans whereas her upbringing may have been less likely to give her beliefs about other groups.
John (NJ)
The first Mx. Withheld strikes me as someone looking for ways to be offended. Maybe the quotes cited were made with racial bias, but I would think if that were the case, there would be more flagrant examples to cite. Maybe I'm wrong. What annoys be about these types of things (and I'm not placing blame) is that a phrase or symbol or whatever which has been in use for a while with no racial connotations (such as "pull yourself up by the bootstraps") gets used by someone malevolently and then anyone else who uses regardless of intent is deemed a racist. Maybe it's had those connotations all along and we just didn't realize it. Such situations seem to bring out our tendency to assume the worst about a speaker's intent. An unintended consequence may be for people to avoid saying anything at all to eliminate risk of saying something not yet known to be offensive. Another may be people shying away from those of other races to avoid being in a position to say the wrong thing. It's frustrating for those among us who don't try to offend anyone but sometimes still do anyway. I guess that's just the world we live in.
Edward (Taipei)
@John Well, I suppose the phrase "You speak such good English" isn't *intrinsically* insulting, offensive or racist, is it? And yet you can quite easily imagine situations where it would be correctly interpreted as all of those things. I suggest there are two problems with this debate: the writer has included insufficient contextual information to make it clear exactly what was said and how; and some commenters simply do not have the life experience or empathetic ability to imagine for themselves what it might be like to be in someone else's skin.
MF (Kingston, NY)
@Edward Isn’t that exactly what Joe Biden said about Barack Obama?
Mimi (Baltimore and Manhattan)
@Edward You seem to be super touchy. Maybe not everything said to you is meant to be offensive.
MDB (Indiana)
LW #1: Workplace jerks have been around since time immemorial. Unless this co-worker is using racially charged epithets or offensive stereotypes, it’s best to just ignore the person or limit contact as much as possible. The letter writer really doesn’t provide enough detail to go beyond this suggestion, especially since just about everything can be construed as some kind of affront these days.
eliane speaks (wisconsin)
I am seventy years old, and have heard the "pulling yourself up by the bootstraps" term all my life. The association was always with the Horatio Alger series from the nineteenth century and had no racial connotation, or "Operation Bootstrap", the Puerto Rican economic program. I have never heard it used as a specifically racial term. I can see, however, that it might be part of a racially biased narrative when those against government assistance programs falsely claim that those receiving assistance are unwilling to "pull themselves up by their bootstraps".
Sue Parry (Upstate NY)
I’m also a white person in my 70s, and was unaware that ‘pull yourself up by your bootstraps’ could carry racist connotations. Now that I am, I won’t use it again. Whether I agree that it’s racist is irrelevant. Thanks for this bit of education.
Sean (Ireland)
@Sue Parry By adopting your approach it would be no time atall before it would be offensive to make any utterance whatsoever. Political correctness will soon make it inpossible to utter a sentence that is not offensive to someone.
eliane speaks (wisconsin)
@eliane speaks Also, in Wisconsin "Operation Bootstrap" is an crisis assistance program that provides funds including gas money, medication assistance, rent and security deposit payments, etc. African Americans were integral in setting up these programs. See: https://211wisconsin.communityos.org/211searchprofile/render/id/6313/form/service/record_id/9986
Rupert (Alabama)
With respect to the caring but possibly racist colleague, the message the complaining co-worker wants to deliver is often best delivered by a neutral third party. For example, an employment lawyer brought in to speak to such issues, i.e., how comments viewed as innocuous by the commenter can be differently received by persons from other backgrounds. A talk on implicit bias can be helpful as well.
Pam (Skan)
@Sean From your other comment and this one, you clearly regard mindful language as inexorably silencing, on-the-job training in cultural awareness as a get-rich-quick scheme for lawyers, and lawyers as people whose professional goal is to get rich. Anything constructive and helpful to add to the conversation? Options? Suggestions? Useful pointers from personal experience? Ironic that in a discussion of cynical cliches that denigrate others with a broad brush, your contributions display the same approach.
KPS (MA)
Re Authorship - Reneging authorship is not only mean-spirited and petty, it's in contrast to the spirit communication so necessary in the scientific world. If a patent application was, will be, or even might be filed on your work, consider monitoring the USPTO data bases to make sure they attribute inventorship properly.
TK (Philadelphia)
HOW is the first question ethical. It’s interesting but it’s not about ethics
K Henderson (NYC)
@TK. A fair question. Ethics is about right and wrong *practices.* As opposed to morals which are internally held beliefs. So the question here is -- "is it right or wrong for me to inform my coworker that he is racist and how should I do that?" That's an ethical concern, not a moral one.
Che Beauchard (Lower East Side)
@K Henderson When Cicero was translating Ancient Greek philosophy into Latin, he invented the word "moral" to convey the meaning of the word "ethical." Since the Latin speaking Roman.church used the word moral and was concerned with the rules of the Church, the word morals has at times been associated with rules, but there is nothing intrinsic to differentiate the meaning of the one word from the other. Both concern how one "ought" to behave.
J. Denever (Santa Cruz, CA)
What the letter writer is saying is: “I want the right to police the speech of other people if, as I choose to see and hear it, they have done or said something racist. Only I, as a member of a racial minority, get to decide what their intentions and world view are. Once I put these people on notice, I expect them to speak and behave in the way that I find acceptable.” I wonder how well this person gets along with other people in that office and in other areas of life.
kathy (wa)
@J. Denever Perhaps there could be a bulletin board where everyone tacks up the words/phrases etc. that they find offensive. Then all will be held responsible for never uttering these in the workplace. I'll start with the word "privilege."
DW (Philly)
@J. Denever File under: white fragility. What you're saying is: "If you expect me to examine my unspoken biases and my knee-jerk assumptions about people different from me, I will recoil as if you had besmirched the flag, my grandmother, and apple pie. If you expect me to give two hoots whether anything I say offends you in any way, no matter how politely and thoughtfully I try to explain my view of the problem to you, you can just give it up, because my ego is the size of Montana, albeit as fragile as a Faberge egg, and I can tolerate no whiff of challenge to the careful facade of superiority that I live by."
Lmca (Nyc)
@J. Denever: that's your interpretation, not a factual statement. I take it that you also argue when Fox News argues that "white male" is the new racial epithet... Or how about the use of the term "blood libel"? Do you argue with Jews that find the term offensive?
PrairieFlax (Grand Island, NE)
Never heard of the bootstraps comment being racist. Always heard it in context of insulting someone regarding work habits, or lack thereof, not matter what the race. As for "race card," it definitely is a racist comment, disparaging a person of color.
Delee (Florida)
LW! - Race- Fair to ask the colleague why he immediately assumed cheating on the part of the black group. This can be a touchstone of sorts - "Bill, is this like when you decided a group was cheating based on the color of their skin?" I think the writer is needlessly concerned about hurting Archie's Bunker's feelings here, while his own are getting bruised. Once he has explained the situation, if the speech pattern persists, then we're looking at bullying in a subtle, but no less offensive, form.
Kaleberg (Port Angeles, WA)
I wish the first writer had been more specific about what his colleague actually said. "Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" may be a silly cliche, but it is not racist. I've heard it applied to poor whites more than once, and I'd say that any bias behind it is economic, not racial. The use of "playing the race card" could be justifiable in some contexts, or it could indicate a mind resolutely closed to the existence of racism. The last example is just too vague to evaluate. Whose achievements did the colleague question? Why didn't the letter writer tell us? When someone making an argument fails to specify context and is vague as to details, I can't help but suspect that his position is weak.
A Professor (Queens)
To the first LW, I think you can see here the comments already, white fragility in action, and can reasonably predict the response of your colleague (I'm white, for reference). How about leaving a copy of White Fragility on your colleague's desk (perhaps anonymously)?
LB (Vancouver, BC)
Here here. I found the response to letter writer 1 to be a pretty disappointing and inadequate response to a very good question, and many of the comments to be perfect examples of white fragility/downplaying the very real and tangible existence of daily racism. The letter writer did not have the space to go into all the details, but I suggest that when a person of colour discusses patterns of what they interpret as racist behavior, white people trust that interpretation as a starting point rather than automatically blow it off or assume it is wrong. A person of colour knows way more - from first-hand experiences - what racism is like than a white person will ever know. I feel disappointed by the NYTimes readership/commentators right now.
Kaleberg (Port Angeles, WA)
@A Professor That would be a microaggression.
Mssr. Pleure (nulle part)
LB, First, to judge an argument by the “identity” of the arguer is a logical fallacy (ad hominem). Second, by presuming the author is white, you deny agency to non-whites. It’s patronizing and personally racist. Plenty of us take issue with terms of the current debate about race. Third, an anecdote: My non-white mother, a highly competent and feisty director of a non-profit program, has twice been accused by dismissed subordinates of acting on racial bias, one of whom was a coethnic. The other hired a lawyer, but her case fell apart because my mother took detailed notes and frequently updated her boss on her employee’s poor performance. The woman doesn’t have a racist bone in her body. In fact, she becomes so incensed by bigotry, God help any fool who lets slip his hatred within earshot. So, no, the “race card” isn’t some figment of white people’s “fragile” minds. Like racism itself, it’s a real phenomenon that many racial and ethnic minorities have encountered ourselves. Good for the liberal, usually-too-deferential Times readers who decide to say something, regardless of their skin color.
Phyliss Dalmatian (Wichita, Kansas)
The obtuse Co-worker may be just a simple fool. Just stay away, far away. Why add unnecessary stress to your Job ? Seriously.
Pay No Attention (To the Man Behind the Curtain)
Totally. If he's too shallow or self-satisfied to pick up on prior conversations from the writer/colleague, no way is he interested in learning and/or changing from more of the same.
L Wolf (Tahoe)
As an older white woman, I've heard "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" all my life, never once in a racial context. I have both racist and non-racist relatives, and sexist/non-sexist as well. I've been told to "man up" more than once in sports and work situations, and, taking into account the age/attitude of the speaker, have never felt it was meant as as a sexist attack. An older law professor of mine routinely addressed female law students as "young lady," but otherwise treated us exactly the same as our male counterparts - praise/contempt/grading, across the board. Unfortunately, some people simply have limited vocabularies and/or stock phrases. Real racist/sexist attitudes are issues that need to be addressed, and I agree it's a good idea to ask your co-worker not to use offensive language when speaking to or around you. But I know many older people that will probably continue to use offensive language until they die, even when they have no intent of giving offense - the older the dog, the harder it is to learn new tricks.
Mimi (Baltimore and Manhattan)
@L Wolf What's "offensive" is in the eye of the beholder. I think this person needs to stop being so righteous about other people's choice of language and/or points of view. Is this colleague going to be his manager? Or does this colleague have any influence on his work performance? If not, figure out how to coat yourself with teflon and let it go. I'd say this person is getting into someone else's space - uninvited - a work colleague, for pete's sake.
James Igoe (New York, NY)
Actually, the idea of "playing the race card" as being legitimate is nonsense, as equally absurd as "she cried rape." Considering that the overwhelming bias is directed at minorities, like men attacking women, you are simply perpetuating the same lies that allow racism and sexual assault to continue unimpeded. Do such things occur? Of course, they do, but don't let the exception rule. Along these lines, thinking about "bootstraps", I was reading a study looking at country comparisons regarding bias against minorities in hiring. Of the nine countries, the most bias occurred in countries that refused to examine race and that did not require details on accomplishments when applying to roles, essentially letting racism to flourish. This is a corollary of people that imagine they are color blind - you just have to work hard - when they are in fact they are the most biased. Yes, persistence and hard work matter, but one needs to recognize the 'headwinds' experienced by minorities.