Ms. Jayapal's case may be unique and the abortion might have done at the early stage. But what about if it is by a healthy lady on a healthy baby at the last trimester for sex selection? In my opinion, in such situation, it should not be left to woman alone to make a "choice". We need to consider the interest of the baby, husband and society.
77
What you describe is illegal under Roe/Planned Parenthood v. Casey. No one suggests it should be legal.
397
@Alex E And just how do you recommend we determine what's in the best interest of the baby (embryo)? Er....maybe no abortion is ever in the 'best interest' of the embryo??
And now for society. When might an abortion be in the 'best interest' of society in your mind? If a woman's having that baby were to negatively impact her life, which in turn effects her relationships and dealings with other people in the world, and also effects how she feels about and treats the very child she was forced to bear, could we not therefore say that in that case, the abortion would be in the best interest of society?
'Society', much less an embryo, are incapable of telling any female how they should live their lives.
164
@Alex E
please worry about your own life and leave women to take care of their own bodies. Worry about the abused children who are starving, children who are disabled and go to terrible schools. There is enough concern to go around for scenarios you can fix. Women live with their decisions the rest of there lives, the same way men need to worry about there responsibilities as part time fathers, missing father, and men who respect women's decisions.
387
I had a hard time reading this article, not because of the subject matter but because of the use of the plural "they" to refer to the singular "he" or "she". This is a perfect example of the kind of extreme political correctness that is intended to instruct but preaches only to the choir. If gender neutrality is the objective, how about saying "the child" or some other less contrived, confusing, and, yes, divisive wording?
20
I am so tired of pro-abortion stories. Just when is the NYT going to present the other side? I am on the opposite side of the far right and feel more money should go to children, education and moms. I also feel that it is wrong for government to kill...i.e. capital punishment. At the same time, I am completely frustrated by a media and the abortion extremists who try to ram abortion at any stage down our throats as is if no other living being is involved. Shame on all of you who decide to be pro-science and pro-human rights when it fits your lifestyle. Sorry. Third trimester abortion has absolutely nothing to do with women's rights over their bodies. It has everything to do with the living being within. And until and unless this point is ever accepted by the lemming pro-choice/abortion Democrats, they're going to have a major problem in walking the walk for human rights.
9
Thank you for using your child’s preferred pronouns, and for doing so without explanation or comment.
Thank you for being willing to share a deeply personal story, for letting it take place in the political debate.
I would happily vote for you if I could!
148
Oh so that explains it. I thought there was a grammatical typo.
11
If you don't believe in abortion, don't have one!
26
Re: "...Rep. Pramila Jayapal: The Story of My Abortion
What it taught me about the deeply personal nature of reproductive choice..."
I see little difference between the 'sharia_police' of some middle eastern countries and the self-appointed ideologues, aka, forced_birthers!
NO ONE has any right to decide my reproductive / reproduction_avoidance strategies for me! When I see the self-righteous harassing patients, 'N, P/p clinic escorts, it looks like a bunch of people who nothing, worthwhile to do, so...they harass others!
Let's NEVER forget: 2 Pro_Life_Jihadists, (Geo. 'plausible, deniability' Bush / Tony, 'collateral's, damaged' Blair), gifted humanity with their, (17, going on 18 year...), search for mythical N.-W.M.D.'s; Thus far, 500,000 Iraqi civilians are dead!
It's hard for me to do, anything but laugh, cynically, at these hypocritical pro_life_Jihadies!
12
Congresswoman Jayapal makes a valid and often ignored distinction between an embryo or fetus and a child. The latter is able to sustain life outside the womb. This is what I was taught in Health class more than 60 years ago. Today, the anti-choice element has buried a crucial scientific approach to a healthcare procedure beneath emotional religiousity. Kudos to Congresswoman Jayapal for her courage in speaking out and sharing an intensely private story.
103
It is pure human emotion, not religious, that speaks to the truth that abortion is wrong. I think pro-abortion supporters should witness the counting of fetal “parts” (arms,legs, feet, hands, head) after a routine abortion to be sure nothing is left inside, and say that this is okay to be done. Ask yourself? Is this okay?
4
God allows babys to be born so they can be led to slaughter in our never ending wars. Not sure He's the best to choose.
4
I really like this congresswoman in her recent TV appearances and this makes me even more convinced that she is an excellent representative for real people, not just the 1 percent that so many GOP elected officials choose to serve.
Brava to her for speaking out.
8
One wishes that the NYT could clarify its decision to allow Congressman Jayapal to use "they" and "their". This is of course her right, but it distracts from the import of her article. And one has to believe that the NYT would not allow it without careful consideration.
9
So, you're deciding factor was that it was YOUR choice?
Every sin is your choice. That's not a license to kill. At least you accept the personal responsibility for what YOU decided.
And what you decided was to kill your own child. You know very well it was your child you killed, not some amorphous clump of cells because you had gone through this before.
Desiring to avoid pain and suffering isn't justification for the killing of an innocent baby. That you think so is something you can discuss with your living daughter and try to explain your arbitrariness in allowing her to live, but denying that to her sister.
I'll pray for you, but you're going to have an accounting with God. I'd love to hear you explain to him how your arbitrary decision to kill was right when you'd already learned from personal experience that it would be wrong.
2
Aborting one’s unborn child creates an existential pain that is the main reason why so many women are convinced today that they are victims. They are indeed victims, but not of “Gilead” or the “patriarchy.”
3
Really. Who wants/needs to know this? Share it on your personal blog or your personal Facebook account, but don’t write it for the millions of readers of the New York Times. It’s just unnecessary.
6
Thank you, Representative Jayapal. You are a brave woman to share this with the world. Even decades later my partner and I are still not so brave. To call what we experienced traumatic is an understatement. It changed our lives forever. Even when it goes well, pregnancy has lifelong physical, mental and socioeconomic consequences for the woman. In Canada abortion is a choice made solely by the woman, for any reason she deems compelling, with the advice of her doctor. That is how it should be here. It's this simple: Women have all of the rights that other men have. Moreover, folks are not allowed to force their religious beliefs on the rest of us. That is a vital part of our democracy. Roe v. Wade is, in and of itself, already an unacceptable compromise.
8
Thank you for sharing your story, Rep. Jayapal. Your district should be proud to have you as their representative. I wish there were more such leaders in the House. I have heard your eloquent views on many policy issues, even if I did not agree with all of them. I wish you were my representative.
5
Thank you for sharing your story. Your telling the world about such a difficult experience in brave and graceful. I hope others will be graceful enough to understand the difficulty of the choice and our right to make it.
4
Thank you for sharing your experience Congresswoman. I am only sorry we live in a world where you felt you needed to share it in order to help protect the right to reproductive freedom. The individual right to make reproductive decisions, and the right to privacy about our choices, is fundamental to being allowed to fully function in the world, without fear or shame. Thank you again for this beautifully written story.
5
This is very thoughtful and sincere. I can see why many people could read this and say “YES – she is correct, and it is OUR body and therefore OUR right!” AND YET: what tears at my total being is that I believe a beating heart is a baby. It is life; a human being. Science would support this. Christianity also supports this. It is not “just a fetus.” A baby is just as helpless at one second after conception as it is at 9 months, and in her case - as she had the burden of having to power through- for many years beyond that. What I HEAR her saying is that if she knew now what it would have been like having her first child, she would not have had that baby either – who is now a college graduate. She chose one child over another because it would be too hard. If, as I truly believe, abortion is ending a life, it is NOT a women’s issue; it is a humanity issue. If you believe in God and the miracle that he created in how life is formed, it too would clearly be viewed as a humanity issue as well.
Within the timeframe of pregnancy -I cannot wrap my head around when it is ‘not a baby’ and, therefore, okay. Is it less than 6 months? Less than 3 months? If it is not okay after, say, 6 months- then it IS okay at 5 months and 29 days? I don’t see a difference in that day and that thought is horrifying to me if we are going to split hairs at that extent. Thanks for listening.
4
@Tom " I believe a beating heart is a baby" Absolutely no other person but you is required to abide by your beliefs. You will never take the risks every woman faces with every pregnancy and delivery.
21
@Tom
So sperm/egg does not equal baby but sperm plus egg (zygote) does?
The world is not so black and white, Tom. And if all of this were happening to YOUR body, I think you might be willing to see past your zygote and women have equal rights position.
Here are my questions for men (like yourself) who want to force women to bear children against their wills (and I'm dead serious about this):
#1. Would you agree to legislation requiring all men to wear condoms (and use them correctly) whenever they have sex, unless they are having sex with a consenting female who would like to start a family or get pregnant?
#2. Would you agree to legislation requiring all men to have vasectomies until they are ready to have a family with a consenting female? (Most vasectomies are reversible.)
Women have been bearing the full burden and consequences - literally and figuratively - for birth control, since time immemorial. It's time that men did their fair share.
Men who don't agree - or who don't support a woman's right to choose - should keep their opinions to themselves.
26
@Tom
"Science would support this. Christianity also supports this."
Science does not support your assertions here, and you give us no evidence for your claim that it does. Moreover, you have no right to force us to comply with your own religious beliefs. That is what the separation of church and state means--which is a aspect of our democracy.
23
Thank you for sharing your story. It's important we hear from people who have gone through this difficult decision and demonstrate the necessity of choice.
5
Thank you for this story. It highlights that access to abortion and the choice to have one, or not, is not always black or white, but may be very gray. There are so many reasons why women (and the men in their lives) might choose to terminate a pregnancy. No one wants an abortion, it is a a life-changing, gut -wrenching decision. But it should be a personal decision between the woman (and the man if he's involved and cares) and her medical provider. End of story. I wish that other people would stop trying to force their moral and religious ideology on others. Let freedom to choose ring.
5
It is tragic that you did not have more help and support during your pregnancies. I was living alone in a foreign country with no family around for all of my children's births, and I had an unsupportive husband. It is very difficult. To me, the answer will always be to increase formal (governmental) and informal (friends and community) support services, so that no woman ever had to feel she's on her own in a pregnancy.
1
Frederick Douglass was a speaker at Seneca Falls.
In one of his speeches, he said about women, "She is her own best representative. We can neither speak for her, nor vote for her, nor act for her, nor be responsible for her; and the thing for men to do in the premises is just to get out of her way and give her the fullest opportunity to exercise all the powers inherent in her individual personality, and allow her to do it as she herself shall elect to exercise them. Her right to be and to do is as full, complete and perfect as the right of any man on earth."
There are far too many women as well who feel they should be the decider's of other women's personal choices and they too need to get out of the way.
21
Beautiful, thank you.
7
I was wondering why she kept saying "they." It was so annoying. I thought it was an ongoing typo. How ridiculous.
8
@Linda, I know! I thought she must have been talking about having twins. I think she was just trying not to put a gender on her child by calling them "him" or "her."
3
"It had to be my choice, because in the end, I would be the one to carry the fetus in my body."
Yes, it had to be your choice. What evangelical Christians, almost all Republicans, and the five middle-aged-to-elderly, overweight white men in a small town in Texas that voted to make their town "the first sanctuary town for the unborn in America" don't get about that is beyond me.
17
It wasn't your choice...who gave you that right? Why is it we think "this is my body", God gave you the pregnancy....life is hard, with challenges and pain many times. Its called endurance...its called finishing strong and not taking life or death in your own hands. Its about doing the right thing that we are called to do even when its hard. Its not yours to decide and to try and create justification....
Your only choice was whether to get married or not and a choice to have a physical relationship with a man. After that, pregnancy is a consequence. Even adoption could have been an oprion....you took a childs life. Aren't you glad your mom didn't make a selfish choice...
5
@Karen
"Your only choice was whether to get married or not and a choice to have a physical relationship with a man. After that, pregnancy is a consequence."
So let me clarify-- in your world, women are not allowed to find love and get married unless they are unequivocally willing to gestate any and all pregnancies, no matter how sick it makes them? No matter the cost?
Women are supposed to choose between being able to protect their health and lives and choosing love, marriage, and children-- some of the most fundamentally important and wonderful experiences in any person's life?
What if a woman wants children one day? Is she supposed to remain celibate and never get married? Or get married and just die if she gets pregnant and it goes wrong? Get married and know that she has forfeited the right to control her own body? That doesn't seem like a very fair choice.
The way I'm reading this is that women simply don't get to lead full lives and participate in joyful parts of the human experience without punishment in your world.
Surely you can see why we resist messages like yours.
17
Maybe you Christians should prove your God exists before forcing him on the everyone.
Not everyone believes in your God. I don’t. But I look at Christianity in America and see nothing but greed and bigotry. I can’t remember the last time I heard a Christian talk about helping the poor, which I remember was Jesus’ number one priority.
Life would be so great if you Christians cleaned up the mess that is your religion and got your nose out everyone else private affairs.
23
@Karen Which god? Your chosen religious beliefs are your and no other person needs to follow them. Every decision around reproduction is inherently "selfish" and it should be. Every woman owns her body and gets to caretake it as she sees fit.
13
I love the shamelessness of progressive Democrats, looking to cash in on their own abortion for political points. Ms. Jayapal is now leading the way to new lows for the mainstream of the Democrat Party.
6
@TL Its longstanding and historically official name is the "Democratic" Party.
10
This is a minor point of syntax. I was confused when she uses the pronoun "they" beginning in the second paragraph. I thought maybe she had twins.
5
I agree. I got lost too. As an added confusion, are we supposed to think that Janak is some form of gender neutral? This introduces topics that are presumably not the issue of the article.
3
Just yesterday, I read about a South Carolina man who has been sentenced to death for the deliberate slaughter of his five children.
There is a woman and her husband in jail in Illinois because they killed their 5-year-old son.
This woman also just gave birth to a little girl while in jail.
What does that have to do with abortion?
On the surface probably nothing.
But the thing is, I'd personally rather a fetus be aborted than
a fully developed child killed after they are born.
To me, many of the anti-abortion persons, especially women might have had an abortion(s) themselves and are feeling so guilty about their own procedure that they feel the way to be rid of their guilt is to, in their minds, save all fetuses whether the next person is in the agreement or not.
Abortion is highly personal and it is a decision that should only be made in the midst of the woman (and possibly mate), her doctor and her God.
Not in some legislature room!!!
Some of, mostly men, making these laws, seemingly are so ignorant about the workings of a woman's body, they should have flunked simple biology class.
This is a woman's issue.
Stay in your own lane.
In the meantime, there is a very detailed book, written in the seventies called 'FROM WOMAN TO WOMAN' by gynecologist Lucienne Lanson.
I don't see much has changed thru the years in regard to the female body.
To these legislators, read it.
You might learn something.
9
Thank you so much for sharing your personal story with the world Rep. Jayapal. If we all talked to each other more openly and regularly about the pain and suffering of our private lives we would contribute to a greater understanding, and a more empathetic and open society around these critical civil and human rights issues.
4
We can discuss this from here to kingdom come. Men and rich people have always had ways to pay for and have abortions - religious beliefs- infidelity- inconvenience notwithstanding. This is a regular and poor people's problem-These people who put up laws against this are are hypocrites.
14
Whatever your story is, the white Evangelical and Catholic men who lead the pro-forced birth movement could care less. To them, God had ordained the men should control women. This isn’t about babies. It’s all about misogyny.
The whole abortion debate is just another reminder of what a scourge religion is and how it ruins everything in this country.
Time to tax churches out of existence.
17
It's no wonder that people have left formal Christian religion in droves the past several decades, as they see the depressing hypocrisy and politics of it all.
12
The only voices that have true authenticity are those of the women who have experienced this 'choice'.
We need to hear your stories !
Men need to listen... NOT tell women what to do...
Deal with their own complicity in creating unintended pregnancies...i.e. use a condom or get a vasectomy.
8
Thank you for sharing this, most stories about abortion are similarly traumatic, As a young nursing student in 1960, I watched a beautiful teenage girl die from a self induced abortion. Was her life any less precious than the fetus? I think not, it that traumatic experience has stayed with me for 60 years. Support Planned Parenthood.
24
Thank you so much for the bravery showed in sharing such a deeply personal story. I hope for a day when women in your situation will not have to share their painful, private stories because the public will know that the right you exercised need not be defended. Thank you again for your selflessness and courage, the piece was an incredibly moving and powerful testament to the strength of you and many other women.
8
Thank you for sharing your story, and I am deeply sorry that you had to. The vile rhetoric today demands voices who have actually walked the path. We need to hear stories of ordinary women making the deeply personal choice of whether to carry a baby to term.
This decision is not meant for opinion polls or legislatures, it belongs solely to the woman and her medical team. If she is lucky, she will have the support and counsel of a loving partner, a caring family and spiritual adviser., but at the end of the day, she must choose the path that is right for her.
8
An elderly friend just tearfully shared her married daughter’s decision to have an abortion of a wanted baby but a financially untenable pregnancy. Despite employment by both college-educated parents with healthcare coverage NOT covering pregnancy (and too high an income for Texas Medicaid pregnancy benefits) and already rearing an autistic three year old (receiving services through the local public school system), this wanted child did NOT fit into current middle class economics. The grandmother wept, stating she and her husband reared four children on their income. What happened to the middle class that, truly, her daughter’s family could not afford a child they wanted.
16
Thank you, so much.
5
Too bad an aborted baby can’t write its “abortion story.”
6
If my mom had decided to abort me because it was the right choice for her, if somehow my soul knew that, I wouldn't be upset. Would you?
14
A chance at life sniffed out before it could commence? I would be more than upset, I would be LIVID!
4
@JQGALT. I would find it fascinating and informative if you wrote first-person essay in its name.
1
Thank you for putting such a grueling story out there for people to read, and hopefully understand, about how difficult and wrenching such choices are. I have known a number of women who have had an abortion, and every one suffered through the decision process. Not a single one did it without going through such agony as you describe. Let’s work hard to keep abortion safe, legal, affordable, non stigmatizing, and rare. I fully support real sexual education and easy access to contraceptives for everyone.
8
Thank you Rep. Jayapal.
Your eloquence illuminated a deeply personal experience. Your generous sharing of it with the world, in the way that you did, helps all of us to get clearer on why we need to preserve choice.
5
Thank you so much for sharing what was a difficult and painful choice. I hope it helps those opposed to women's choice to see that these are not easy decisions and done for a myriad of reasons.
6
Thank you, Pramila Jayapal; you are so courageous and brave for sharing your story. I am sorry for your pain in making a difficult decision to have an abortion. I am glad that you and all other women in the United States have the constitutional right to make this decision. I am troubled by the successful attempts by mostly old white men to erode this right, and by the hopes by mostly conservative white men and women for the Supreme Court to decide to no longer recognize this right. When I was a young poor woman, I had to borrow money to travel to New York state from the Mid-West to access a legal and safe pre-Roe abortion. Thank you also for observing in your Op Ed that all women, even those who do not have a traumatic situation, should be able to exercise their Constitutional right to choose to have an abortion. I also hold that position.
8
Thank you for your courage, ma'am, for speaking up for all of us who have made the wrenching, but correct for us, decision to terminate a pregnancy.
7
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Congresswoman. I feel deeply for you and can't imagine how difficult it must have been to share something so personal.
5
Over the years, there have been numerous, gut-wrenching stories like that of Congresswoman Jayapal, for the Supreme Court to rule on Roe v Wade the way they did in 1973. Retelling one more may not move the needle very much.
The abortion issue is extremely emotional. Many in the prolife camp see abortion as murder of the MOST innocent. But many in that camp have also grown to be a little numb, while many others remain volatile and steadfastly, even militantly oppose any abortion at any time. The thing of it is both camps are sincere & earnest.
The Alabama law is too irrational. But the MO law of 8 weeks-limit is not too radical. With the help of friends & abortion advocates between 4 & 8 weeks of pregnancy any girl or woman ought to be able to get an abortion. But then making it so difficult by closing down abortion clinics all over is unjust.
4
@A.G. 90% of abortions in the U.S. occur at 13 weeks gestation or less. The medical reasons for the mother or fetus that lead to most of the other 10% do not appear until 20 weeks gestation or later.
7
My only disagreement with this courageous editorial stems from the phrase, "women should be allowed."
What is "allowed" today may be disallowed tomorrow. Rather let us say, "women have the right" -- for rights, inherent, cannot be taken away.
26
Women need not evoke heart wrenching stories or any justification for choosing not to have a baby. Abortion is birth control and it must be every women’s prerogative. The concept that the state “has an interest” in pregnancy is one that negate the person and citizenship of all women. That is absurd. The state cannot negate one’s rights because they are pregnant. does the state own women? Are women property?
While this essay is important it should not succumb to the narrative of the religiously driven pro fetus cabal. One’s religious beliefs cannot seep into law and the erosion of rights. Male supremacy is the cause and uses religion to guard it’s privileges. One would think that the 1st Amendment would prohibit politicking to enforce religious beliefs, but that is not the case when those beliefs also favor men.
15
Dear Rep Jayapal, thank you for your bravery, your honesty, and your compassion. I wish I lived in your district so I could vote for you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
3
I am pro-choice and feel that all decisions about pregnancy should be made by the woman whose body is the center of it all. That said, I believe that explanations like this essay do not change anti-abortionists’ views. They only draw attention to the woman and invite judgments about whether her decision was morally valid. This issue, with the suspicious timing of the new legislation in southern states, seems to be about to make abortion the trigger issue that trans-gender bathrooms were in 2016. I hope the DEMs just put a stern “pro-choice” platform in their policy papers, but don’t go down the rabbit hole of trying to justify individual decisions. I firmly believe that it isn’t my business to know these details, I just want a woman and her medical advisor to be free to talk about all options and then select what seems to them to be the best choice.
12
Thank you for sharing your story, you are a true leader.
5
so well written. But why do women have to expose their personal stories just so we can keep the right to make choices about our bodies? But we do. We need women - and men - to make it clear why abortion needs to remain legal and available. Stories like this one help.
9
The day the father and the anti-abortion crowd are held financially and physically responsible for the next 18 years, 24/7, for the life of a child born to a woman who is denied abortion-then we can have a conversation.
18
I’m amazed at how many anti-choice people I know are using the word “convenience” to describe abortion. They must be getting that from somewhere, but not from anyone I know who had an abortion. There’s no way to change someone’s mind online, but hearing actual women’s stories is important to humanize this decision. I would just underscore that research shows that convenience is not even in the top 20 considerations that impact the decision (generally by women in their 20’s) to terminate a pregnancy. It’s always so much easier to judge from a distance or if it’s a situation that will never happen to you.
20
Thank you for this. At age 21, I voted for abortion legality In state of Washington the first time I could vote. Way back when, almost 50 years ago, an 18 yr old couldn’t vote, but could be leaving for Vietnam from McChord Air Force in Tacoma. It’s been almost fifty years for God’s sake. My mom was a huge ERA advocate. I’m thankful they are dead, they wouldn’t believe what’s happened to their party, the Republicans.
16
Thank you for having the courage to share this most personal of experiences in the hope it will illustrate one of the many circumstances that result in a woman making a choice to terminate a pregnancy.
I would advocate for a change in “labels”. The divide is not about “pro-abortion” or
“anti-abortion”. This about a) the right to have a Constitutionally guaranteed procedure and b) our right to make our own choice.
Let us who are pro-choice continue to convey that this is a battle against the “ANTI-CHOICE” lobby. And every time we are referred to as “pro-abortion”, correct if possible, but if not, repeat the mantra “PRO-CHOICE”.
Just remember the Republicans mantra... “no obstruction, no collusion”. If said often enough a proportion of the population starts to believe this. We need to follow their lead- we are about CHOICE.
6
Please share with me where in the Constitution it declares a right to abortion.
Roe v. Wade was about the privacy of a patient,doctor relationship. However, as so often is the case in America rights are claimed that are not contained in the document.
Finally, my grandmother used to say if you don’t want people in your business. Keep it to yourself.
13th and 14th Amendmenta. Unless being a woman or girl and having wanted sex is a crime worthy of forced pregnancy and childbirth, aggravated by torture and often mutilation. A penalty not imposed upon men even when they rape their sisters, daughters and wives.
10
Thank you for bravely sharing. I pray that we can fight for womens rights as a country. Thank you for your service
5
It's not my business what you do.
It's not your business what I do.
Unless I can tell you how you will live your life, don't tell me how I should live mine.
Mind your own business.
8
Dear Rep. Pramila Jayapal,
Thank you for your courage and insight.
5
Thank you for sharing your story.
3
Thank you for sharing your story.
3
There is no "story" to Rep. Jayapal's abortion. Her human fetus was destroyed to save him/her from a declared "uncertain" future. She ended any future for whoever it was and the story that, like Janad, might have been its own.
Forget all the gobbledegook, folks. An abortion is what it is: the death of humankind, the execution of a person to be, one with a unique DNA that differs from the mother.
That human fetus is NOT the mother's body. It is OF her body. It is not her. It's someone who, faulty contraception aside, was meant to be, no matter how long. Like Janad.
A mother has no right to take a life, any life. That's what "to mother" means. Give life. Don't take it.
6
@Lake. woebegoner. So are you saying it’s proper to force a woman to endure pregnancy and childbirth against her will, despite the fact the she could die doing so? Just checking.
21
@Lake. woebegoner Irrelevant. It is IN her body, USING her body for survival, something to which she does NOT need to consent. This case isn't even about that.
Shameful, the pettiness it takes to lecture someone about their personal tragedy.
14
@Lake. woebegoner
"A mother has no right to take a life, any life. That's what "to mother" means. Give life. Don't take it."
What if she'll die otherwise? Or become seriously ill? Do you care about women's health and lives at all?
A woman isn't giving life if you force her to give birth.
"That human fetus is NOT the mother's body. It is OF her body. It is not her. "
Assuming what you just said matters, it does not have the right to be inside her body, using her physiological systems, making her ill, and risking her health. She may allow it to, but she cannot be forced to.
12
Between a woman and her doctor. Period.
14
“My husband, too, knew that it had to be my decision and offered only support and comfort through the most difficult moments.” - this was the saddest sentence of the entire piece. Men, husbands, grow a backbone!
And why is it always such a “hard decision” if it’s not really a human being you’re destroying? I don’t get it. It’s a surgery, period. Over and over we read story after story using this type of language. What this really tells me is you completely understand what you’re doing and the seriousness of it. You’re playing God by ending a human beings life.
3
I had an abortion. The reason is nobody's business. My body. My choice.
24
Ms. Jayapal, thank you for your piece - I'm on the opposite side of the issue but I had to think about your words through the night and I can't thank you enough for them! The "bleating" of your premature child stays with me. I don't want to comment on your personal situation - you've lived through a lot and continue to work for all that is good in life! But, on the policy issue of Abortion versus Protection of Life, I can't help but consider the pain of a child that is in the process of being aborted. Even in the case of a child who's facing birth defects, we are essentially allowing the killing of a person in a clinic or hospital - yes, a more sanitized death than if we were made to watch that same child die outside the womb, but do we do that to other 1- or 2- or 5-year olds?
3
@Dan Heidel A fetus is not pain capable until near 30 weeks. There is no child involved. It's disingenuous to refer to actual born children as their care does not require risking the health and life of any adult.
17
I'm not sure what Ms.Jayapal's motive was in writing this piece, nor the NYTimes's motive in publishing it, but any attempt to influence the abortion contentious debate through someone's personal and highly emotional experience is wrong. In the first place, "the bleating of a child" causing the previous commenter pain is misleading since abortions are not performed on children, but on fetal cells which are incapable of living outside the womb. They wouldn't be "feeling" pain. If a woman feels an abortion is necessary for her health and well being, it is her choice, no one else's.
2
As reading the article I began to wonder how accurate the article is. It mentioned pregnancy & had Janek while other parts of the article mentioned "they", "their", etc indicating more than 1 baby was born while the article also never stated that more than 1 one born or that a baby died. Either parts of another article were put here or... Which makes me wonder the article's accuracy. As for other thoughts: a relative knows someone in another country where the Drs diagnosed her baby in the womb with a fatal disease & pushed her to have an abortion, almost demanded it. After much consideration, she chose to have the baby & the baby was born perfect- no sign of disease diagnosed by ultrasound or any other disease! He is now a thriving elemantary age child. After amniocentesis, a cousin was told he & his wife's baby would have downs syndrome & they chose to have her. Their baby was born with no signs of downs syndrome or any other condition and is thriving in college. Just because Drs say there is a disease doesn't always mean there is one. I also know people who had anywhere from 1 to more abortions. Both the women & even men have shared grief they felt even years later- women for what they did even if they thought it was the right thing to do at the time & the men for either not knowing about the baby or not being supportive during a pregnancy or even pushing someone into having the abortion. For many, it does emotional damage down the road even if it's not seen immediately.
@C -- presumably Ms. Jayapal used "they," "their," etc. because her child is non-gender conforming, not because there is more than one.
7
@C
"They, them and theirs" are the pronouns that Janak has chosen to use. Janak's mother is honoring that.
6
@C
Janak does not use traditional pronouns and prefers to be referred to as they instead of he or she.
4
Men have always put their lives on the line to protect the lives of their loved ones. This has been the glory of manhood; thus women cherish men. Women have always put their lives on the line for their children, born and unborn. This has been the glory of womanhood; thus men cherish women.
2
@Rhett Segall. If only that were true of the countless men who have abandoned a woman they impregnated and who failed to care for either their pregnant partner or the resulting child.
14
@Meg You are right, Meg. I taught at a correctional institute (prison) one summer. An inmate told me he wanted lots of children. I asked him what he looked for in a wife. "I don't plan on getting married" he said spontaneously and sincerely without any sense on incongruity! Sad.
8
@Rhett Segall wow! I guess it’s not a new concept that some men rely on impregnating women as some sort of proof of their manhood.
1
From now on I will refer to the pregnant person (not woman). It underscores the equal protection grounds that abortion rights should ultimately stand upon. That women are equal persons who deserve to control all decisions about their bodies and their lives as (unincarcerated) men already do.
6
I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks. No one, not even my most anti-abortion friends, treated me like I had lost one of my actual children. . . because I hadn't.
31
Thank you for sharing your story and much sympathy for what you have been through. Your sharing is an act of public service.
Women should absolutely have the choice to make these decisions for themselves.
11
Beautifully told.
I agree. The caveat - or disagreement, if that’s what it is, is that the father might also have rights pertaining to birth. The father is on the hook for child care if the mother chooses to have the baby, regardless of his circumstances or concerns, if her right is total and absolute in all ways. That’s not fair, and only perpetuates a gender role battle that improves the situation of one at the expense of the other - a bad formula for any good agreement.
18
@Daniel Kauffman - Men's contribution is limited to a few moments of pleasure. The woman risks her life and health, sometimes her education and her job, and her financial future. 2-3 women die in childbirth every day in the US, and thousands more a day suffer complications that leave them with lifelong health problems or disabilities. That's why the woman should make the decision. Men make their decision when they choose to sow their seed indiscriminately with a woman they don't know well enough to know what she'd decide about an unintended pregnancy.
83
@Daniel Kauffman The woman has to endure the pregnancy so, while she may consult with her partner (if she is in a good relationship she almost certainly will), the ultimate decision as to whether to give birth is hers. If she decides to continue the pregnancy, and a child is born, well, at that point, the father's duties are to the child, for whom he (and the mother) is legally responsible. Bottom line - if you're a man and absolutely don't want to have children - get a vasectomy.
71
@Daniel Kauffman Her right is total and absolute in all ways. How could it not be? If there's a disagreement, the one carrying the fetus in her body is the one who gets to decide--how could it be "fair" any other way?The only real consequence a man suffers from an unintended pregnancy is financial (if the mother can even get support), while women carry the emotional, physical, logistical and usually a higher financial burden as well. Your use of the word "fair" suggests to me that you think women should have agency unless the man is in disagreement, at which point his wishes should overrule hers? There's really no way to make this "fair" until men can also become pregnant.
47
You are brave in today's world to share your story. Please know that there are many people that admire this, and you, for standing up for all women.
8
Each situation is deeply personal. None of us like abortion, but we believe that it is such a unique and personal decision that the government or other people's beliefs have no place in the decision.
10
The fact that there have been maybe 60,000,000 abortions in the US since Roe v. Wade is why there are at least 120,000,000 people - the woman and her closest confident - who must cope with the guilt of taking an innocent life. This unresolved, profound guilt causes them great psychic distress. When a person cannot somehow face or resolve the guilt, they direct their emotions outward. Hence the intense anger of the pro-abortion forces.
In support of this analysis, I point to the many woman who have survived an abortion, come to realize the truth, then turned pro-life in order to plead with their peers to choose the path of life.
Everybody knows it's a baby: no one can deny that and expect to be happy.
5
@Hugo Furst Most abortions are in the first trimester. The only ones in the third trimester are those where the mother's life/health are seriously endangered and/or the fetus has issues which are incompatible with life.[ That year [2014], 65.3% of abortions were performed at a gestational age of 8 weeks or earlier, with 25.6% occurring at 9-13 weeks. Gestational distribution of the remaining abortions was fairly even: 3.4% at 14-15 weeks, 2.2% at 16-17 weeks, 2.0% at 18-20 weeks, and 1.4% at 21 weeks or later, the CDC investigators reported (MMWR Surveill Summ. 2017 Nov 25;66[24]:1-48).] An elective abortion in the first trimester does not involve the "guilt of taking an innocent life." It is a medical procedure like any other, and the women I know who have had one have felt only relief after the fact. The "every abortion is traumatic" is a right wing trope.
21
I actually don't see much anger in the pro-choice side. There are much more anger in antiabortion side, that called woman murders and demand punishment for them. Seems like they love 'unborn children' and hate already born ones.
17
@Hugo Furst Nope, most have no guilt for making a choice that is right for them.
10
“Reproductive choice” is a de-humanizing term. I’m so sick of the Orwellian terminology the “pro-choice” movement uses. There was no reason for any woman to ever have an abortion as c-sections are safer for the mother and give the baby a fighting chance to live and be put up for adsorption. Many won’t live but they will have a chance.
We as a society have to decide how much we value human life. Do we define the babies inside a pregnant mother as belonging to that woman or to humanity. And at what point does this human become a human with the right to live.
6
As a woman who almost died giving birth to my third son, I can completely empathize with Rep. Jayapal. As someone without a uterus, HOW DARE YOU disrespect my life or the life of any other woman who has to make a very difficult decision. Only after you’ve carried a baby and then cared for that same precious baby outside the womb, will I give any respect to your view. I am so sick of men telling women what they should do when the reality is Matt, you have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.
169
@Matt That makes no sense. How is a c-section an option in the first trimester? How is it an option before 24 weeks, when a fetus can be viable outside the womb?
44
@Matt It's ironic you describe pro-choice language as Orwellian when the society anti-abortionists want to live in is the one that forces women to give birth against their will. As opposed to valuing human life, forced birth devalues both woman and fetus by forcing one to do something against her will, and the second by being born into the world unwanted.
How's that for dystopian, totalitarian, and Orwellian?
55
The issue of "reproductive rights," as the writer likes to call baby killing through abortion is not about an extreme case like hers. It is about women who use abortion as "birth control" and have no concerns about the children they kill in their wombs.
Abortion may be necessary in extreme medical situations, but should not be used for pregnancy prevention. There are other means of birth control much better and much more ethical. Why don't the women who need abortions consider such means in order to prevent their pregnancies? Why don't the men who get those women pregnant ponder the consequences of those pregnancies?
6
Some of the methods are quite expensive and some women can not afford it. Sure, abortion is not cheap either, but it used much more rarely than the birth control that you have to use every day. Beside people make mistake, they forget to take the pills on time, and the birth control could fail, like ruptured condom. And haploid cells are not so much different from diploid cells, if it is ok to flush unfertilized egg, I don't see much problem to flush fertilized egg. To be sure, I do think prevention is better for all sides involved, but I don't think we should take always women's right if prevention failed.
6
@Eduard C Hanganu - NO ONE uses abortion as birth control. It's expensive, it's painful, and it's very hard to access in most states.
8
Even the most cautious and pro-active women who rely on the most reliable/ethical forms of birth control have experienced late periods over their lifetimes. Women keep these menstrual peculiarities to themselves because, in most instances, their periods do come. Physical/emotional stress or hormonal variations allow for cycle variations from month-to-month. Every time we are late, the very first thoughts are "could I be pregnant? Did my best-practiced form of birth control with the highest reported success rate fail me? How long do I wait before I buy a pregnancy test?" There is a monetary and psychic cost that thousands of women experience EVERY DAY that is never shared with their wonderful partner because false alarms occur ROUTINELY.
Of the millions of late periods that happen each year in the US, a small fraction of RESPONSIBLE women will be UNLUCKY and will need to make an extremely difficult decision. Ladies, I say this as a TRIUMPH! We manage MILLIONS of irregular cycles a year and our partners rarely ever hear of it. Unfortunately, the fact that we don't share our monthly late cycles allows folks like Eduard to think that what we do is easy. That the ladies who do get pregnant are simply irresponsible.
We would serve our gender better to share EACH cycle's life with our partner so they can share in our monthly concerns. Only then can they truly understand how tricky it is to manage our SHARED reproductive outcomes. These unplanned pregnancies take two partners!
3
What is with the mangling of the English language and reality in the name of political correctness? There is no such thing as a "pregnant person." Only women get pregnant. Why use language that attempts to deny that reality? And since when is a child referred to as a plural "they" instead of as he or she or by name?
Self-indulgent and self-absorbed children may want to ignore biology and think of and refer to themselves with plural pronouns. Children are not born nor grow as sexless "theys." Children are born male or female and the language has the pronouns he and she, him and her, to refer to them. Neither he nor she is a they. Adults should know better and have more respect for the language than to adopt adolescent affectations and fixations.
49
Earthling, you may want to stay fixed in time but what I’ve learned is that sexuality and gender exist on a continuum and the strict categorization taught to me as a grade school child doesn’t reflect reality as I approach my 60s.
Tonight, I had dinner with someone who to my eyes appears as a beautiful woman, but self-identifies as they and is co-parents with their transsexual partner to six children.
I realize gay people didn’t really exist for much of America until recently, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t exist in reality, or to the people who loved them - long before the rest of society acknowledged, accepted, and in some states at least, embraced them.
I for one am grateful society has shown it can evolve.
29
Her child is an adult and identifies as gender non-binary. She's showing her child love, acceptance and respect.
35
I too was confused by the use of “They” and kept looking back to see if I had missed the part where she had twins. In this case using “They” served no purpose except to confuse and distract.
21
Statistics show that poor women have higher chances of unwanted pregnancies.
Republicans don't want to help give women birth control to reduce unwanted pregnancies.
And they will complain when poor women have babies and need public assistance.
It sounds so illogical until you realize it is not about solving the problem but getting the Republican base motivated to vote Republican.
Then Republicans give more tax cuts for the wealthy.
32
Thank you for sharing your story publicly. I had an abortion under much less dramatic circumstances, and I wish I felt more comfortable talking about it publicly, simply to provide another example of a real, ordinary person who has had an abortion. I am an adoptive mother and a teacher of young children, I love children, and I know how to take care of them. An abortion was the right choice for me and my family under the circumstances we were in. I am grateful for all the women who stand up and publicly share their experiences with abortion.
22
The issue of abortion rights comes down to one thing: the autonomy of women must not be violated. This is the same as the message of MeToo. It’s past time to recognize that. BTW, I am very glad that Ms Jayapal is my representative in Congress.
24
First-trimester, fine. Nobody's business. After that, increasing restriction and stringency of exceptions. Make your decision on time.
2
Sigh. There are several reasons why women have abortions after the first trimester:
- life threatening complications may not develop until later
- most birth defects won’t show up or can’t be confirmed until the 20-week anatomy scan
- republicans have worked hard to ensure that poor women will have no insurance coverage for abortion and many require time to put together the money to pay for it out of pocket. Add in the time and cost to travel to an ever fewer number of abortion clinics and the requirement in a number of states for two separate visits to the clinic with a waiting period in between...it all adds up.
I don’t know why people still have this idea that women who are 4, 5 months pregnant suddenly decide that they don’t want a baby after all. Or maybe it just took that long to finish the pro/con list.
205
@Freya Meyers Sigh. These rationales don't at all rebut the substance of my opinion.
@Rocky Sigh. Sure they do. You've simply decided to impose your morals on others regardless of science and regardless of their privacy.
So, I guess, what you're saying is that at a time determined by the State, the State can poke around in a woman's private affairs and based on the answers given to their questions, poke around in her uterus without her consent.
At what point do we get to poke around inside you without your consent? Can I be there?
15
Thank you for sharing your story. Those in government, and those voting to end safe, legal abortion need to know there are real women, real stories and real lives behind every decision to have an abortion. They need to understand that women's lives matter, their reproductive rights matter.
8
This comment is not about abortion and the decision the writer made to have an abortion. What stood out to me is the use of the word "their" instead of "his" or "her." I kept thinking the child was a conjoined twin. BTW: Good for her for making the best decision for herself and her family. Good for our society for offering her that option.
8
I wonder why the author who didn’t want a second pregnancy didn’t opt for a more serious birth control method such an IUD or tubal ligation if really a second pregnancy was that dangerous.
5
These methods are quite involved, and with the tubal ligation is almost permanent, and why a women do that if she is not sure if she may want to have a second child in the distant future? IUD is although effective, could have a side effect as heavy bleeding during period. And considering the bad previous history when they caused horrible infections, I can understand why women view it with suspicion.
2
I would be really interested to meet a single woman who actually enjoyed getting an abortion or doing that to make a political point! GOP "leaders" (Sic) can ask their current or former wives or mistresses (many of whom are known to undergo abortion due to forceful insistence by the GOP politician who publicly denounce abortion).
It's equally strange that GOP is not talking about punishing the the man (or men) who made that pregnancy possible. In every crime, equal accomplishes are equally punished, except this abortion issue. How hard it's to assign equal punishment/responsibility to the man who made the woman pregnant that forced the her to undergo that physically and mentally excruciating experience of abortion? In case, GOP and its religious donors/supporters are successful to stop her getting a legal abortion, then at least they can force the man (with or without Party and/or Church help) the to take equal responsibility to take care of the child, giver that kid affordable health care, affordable & quality college education (debt free), and a life with hope with a job with living wage.
Can they do that? I think, neither they can nor they have any intention to do any of it!
10
Thank you Ms. Jayapal for sharing your experience. This could not have been easy. You were able to exercise your right to control your body. Having an abortion is never a cut and dried decision. This is what it's about. Your body, your choice.
12
My mother had an abortion when I was a child. My brother had Down syndrome, and would have been born with fluid on his brain. He would have been born into a difficult family situation, and we were very poor. She confessed this to me only recently, having clung for decades to her guilt and pain over her decision. I remember, as a child, watching her spiral into a deep depression, from which she emerged years later with the aid of medication. To this day, she deeply regrets her weakness - allowing her support system to convince her that it was the right choice. To this day, she misses him dreadfully, and I now have the joint pain of missing out on a relationship with a perfect, beautiful little brother, and knowing a woman I love so dearly has born such a painful burden. Wealthy college-educated elitists can paint abortion as some sort of liberating privilege all day long, but the reality is far darker. Lower income women, those who are not reading and commenting on NYTimes articles, are often forced or heavily coerced into abortions from parents and/or partners. I support an organization that provides free medical care and counseling to expectant and post-abortive mothers. I wish the pro-choice movement would recognize that even if some women think abortion is no big deal, many many more are deeply traumatized by it. This area is so gray, and the “my body, my choice” dogma leaves countless women to suffer through post-abortive trauma alone.
9
@Lee do you believe removing a choice from all women would have made your mother happier, because then society couldn’t have pressured her? I support every woman’s right to bear a profoundly disabled child, even if that child will suffer and die shortly after birth. That is her choice. That is what choice means. Without prenatal screening, some women with genetic risks would chose to have no children at all. But then, I also support medical care for that woman and her child. Surely we can afford to have more nuanced healthcare for women that supports both choices for women like your mother.
24
Well, research showed that many many women do not agonized about past abortions. Some do, as your mother, but to all fairness we don't know if her abortion caused her depression. She may be depressed even more of she decided to have the child for whom she could not care for, or whom she had to give up , if she decide to put the child up to adoption. And beautiful relations you are talking about is also you wishful thinking. You may grow resentful of your brother because he would get attention from your parents. We love to fantasize but it is rarely related to reality. Although I am all for support groups for people who had a difficult times. But I guess in order of this approach to be efficient we need to destigmatize abortions
14
I appreciate your frankness about what had to have been a traumatic decision for you. People who oppose abortion often make the mistake of thinking that all women who select this reproductive option are doing so cavalierly and don’t care about the life they must know their terminating. They refuse to acknowledge the humanity in the choice of women who decide to abort, so they demonize them, thus making it easier—in their minds—to take away what they must know is/should be a fundamental right, to decide what happens to your body. Also, demonizing or dehumanizing a woman makes it easier to see her as property, which is what women were considered until they got the right to vote through the passage of the 19th Amendment.
14
I have two special needs children, which I love and adore. My husband and I are financially well off enough to provide them with the resources they need to, hopefully, happily live their lives to their fullest potential. Many, many people are not able to provide the same necessary services. And we don’t have enough social services, or willingness as a society to find adequate services for special needs children. I’ve never had an abortion, but if I were in a situation where I was not financially or emotionally capable of providing for a disabled child, knowing what I know now about the strain everyday life would be, I could never begrudge a woman for making a painful choice to abort. Nor would I begrudge a woman who chose to abort simply because she didn’t want to have a child. Its none of anyone’s business and for all those that think it is, maybe you should be willing to fork over some more money to support needy children, or education, or subsidize child care, or ensure all people have access to a living wage, access to affordable medical care, or better yet, access to birth control and sex education so people don’t find themselves in the predicament to start with....
25
Thank you for sharing your story and putting a human perspective around your experience.
11
Much appreciation to all of the women who have shared your stories in the comments about your own abortions. Stories are incredibly important for understanding how every abortion is as complex and nuanced as the life of a woman herself.
However I also want to reiterate that no woman should ever have to justify an abortion. Whether it was for physical or mental health reasons, a lack of readiness for parenthood, or one of many other personal and complex circumstantial reasons, every abortion has the same result: an unwanted child is not brought into the world, and a woman is released to move on with her life.
13
Brilliant piece! Very sad that this seems to be the most important issue in US politics today. Many developed countries have long gone past this debate. It is clear to me that only the women can decide. That must be respected. In the 21st century we should be tackling other more pressing issues, such as climate change and the increasing wealth gap.
11
As with the growing acceptance of gay marriage, the more women tell their stories, the more people realize that their friends and families have made these choices, the more likely attitudes will change.
10
India (and China) - where fetuses are aborted simply because they are female. Most are healthy. Ms. Jaypal's is the exception. And I honestly don't know how the doctors who perform these elective abortions can sleep at night.
2
@Erik sex selective abortions are illegal in india. Yes, these abortions still happen and india is still struggling to ensure these do not happen. However, what is the statistics or study on which you have based your point that Ms. jayapal's is the exception? India is a developing country but at least early stage abortions are legal and hopefully we will reach a stage where women will be able to make their reproductive decisions independently based only on their doctor's advice. There is no clamouring for political interference in women's reproductive rights. In fact, in india the problem is almost forceful sterilisation of poor women after they have had two kids in extremely unhygienic conditions
2
Outside of women beyond childbearing age and their partners, the demographic with the lowest rate of abortion is gay people. Therefore, people opposed to abortion have long embraced this demographic and urged the rest of us to adopt their approach to sexual matters, right?
4
Thank you for having so much courage Rep Jayapal. In conversations I have had with anti-abortion/prolife folks, it's pretty clear many of them are much more concerned with bringing more souls into the world than the actual women and children.
8
I totally respect and yes, understand and agree with Ms Jayapal's position on abortion. But let me be cranky here. I am so very tired of being PC on gender. It sounds like her child is female - so let's call said child her, girl, female. She, Rep Jayapal, bore said child within her body, not our body, not their body, not our body. Her husband/partner/sperm donor, whatever PC term you may choose to use, did not carry the child within his body, nor did he experience morning sickness, nor did he face personal death from complications. We, the women, only are faced with this, and need the appropriate respect for that. He may be sympathetic, empathetic, even experience morning sickness - but he does not face the risk to his health and live that she does with every pregnancy. THAT is why ultimately to carry a pregnancy or to abort should always be the woman's choice.
5
@Bon her child prefers the pronouns.
Rep. Jayapal, it was very courageous of you to come forward with your story. However, people who have babies are not "pregnant people", they are pregnant WOMEN. It is unfortunate that you use a moving personal story trying to show how important a woman's right to choice is, to subtly push an agenda that erases women as a gender. Women, pay attention. If we do not, we will lose many more rights than the right to have an abortion. The most radical elements of the new gender equality laws, supported by "progressive" Democrats threaten hard-won laws and rights that women fought for for the past 100 years. This is already happening in the UK and Canada. We can lose the right to autonomy over our own bodies from the right and our existance under the law, and even in language as women from the so-called left. I guess this would be a textbook example of being caught between the proverbial Rock and a hard place. This leaves those of us who have fought for women's rights all our lives and despise the current Republican agenda with no political home. Thanks Dems. Rep Jayapal, I hope you and other women will keep telling your stories showing how important the right to choice is for women. WOMEN.
4
What I always find investing is that the abortion debate always centres around stories like this one. Extreme medical complications, rape, incest, etc.
This is unfortunate because it severely distorts the nature of abortions in American today.
Incest and rape and extreme medical complications represent a tiny percentage of abortions.
Most abortions are the results of two people having consensual sex and being too irresponsible to use birth control.
I see the arguments on both sides. It's a difficult issue. But let's at least be honest about what we're really talking about here.
6
@Luciano - Birth control fails, often. Condoms have an 18% failure rate. The pill has a 2% failure rate when everything goes perfectly. Take certain antibiotics or other meds or have the flu and your contraception fails for the entire month. Doctors don't tell women that.
The pill must be taken every day, without fail, at roughly the same time of day. Human beings are fallible and mistakes happen. For a woman never to have a birth control failure means her contraception must work 100% perfectly every month of the 35 years of her reproductive life. That's why 50% of pregnancies in the US were unplanned, and why 1/4 of American women have an abortion by age 45.
Do you know which women/girls are least likely to be able to reliably use contraception? Drug addicts, alcoholics, the mentally ill and young girls. Just exactly the people who should be forced to bring a child into the world. Not.
7
@Luciano Thank you. I was waiting for someone to come out with this comment that was nagging in the back of my mind.
1
@Luciano
"Most abortions are the results of two people having consensual sex and being too irresponsible to use birth control."
Please provide a citation to your assertion most abortions occur because people are "too irresponsible" to use birth control. Thanks in advance.
6
Powerful story of human perseverance over incredible financial and medical challenges. You sacrificed to give the best to your son despite the great obstacles including Postpartum depression and emotional trauma . Too bad so many single women live in a culture that saddles women with the entire burden of nurturing and raising a special needs child so that the only viable solution for a woman facing that prospect seems to be aborting her beloved child. Thank you for sharing your story. I am glad you first son lives. What a blessing!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. A women's past birth experience and mental health has really been on my mind with the current attack of women's rights and I wish Pro-Choice supporters would mention this more. I too suffered difficult labor, major post-partum depression lasting years, and infant/child health issues including epilepsy. Looking back, it felt like PTSD. When I became pregnant in my early forties - after my husband's 10 year old vasectomy failed, I was faced with the most difficult decision of my life: either have a baby and risk being a great mom to my two children or terminate the pregnancy. I had to do what I believed was best for my family and end the pregnancy. No woman wants to make this decision but it is our right to do so and should never be taken away.
13
Thank you for this article. It is heartfelt, respectful and is so true. I have so much respect for you.
5
Thanks for your refreshing candor, Pramila. The case against abortion is built on a lie, that terminating a fetus is murder. A fetus that cannot survive outside the mother's womb is not a person, it's a potential person. Abortion, then, is not murder. And a woman has the right to make that decision about her own body. I have zero moral qualms about abortion.
64
Ms. Jayapal
Thank you so much for your testimonial. So many of us have been faced with an unplanned, unwanted, or ill-prepared pregnancy. Shame on those who would deny us the right to make our own decisions about this complex, personal, and ultimately spiritual decision. You have no compassion for mother or child and no insight into the social and personal costs of forcing a woman to bear and raise an unwanted child.
As far as I can see, the "God" of the Evangelicals does not care about what happens to ANY of "HIS" children, mature OR embryonic. We are all left to our own devices.
31
I read this and see a woman making a very serious decision here. I worry that our current fetus/pregnancy centered attitude will cost a woman like Ms. Jayapal her life because of the ignorance inherent in it. As a woman I know what it is to worry about becoming pregnant, being raped and becoming pregnant. As a child who was unwanted I know what it feels like to be treated like constant nuisance or burden, never praised, never cherished.
The only person who has the right and responsibility to make the decision is the woman who is pregnant. It's her body and her life and her life sustains the fetus not vice versa. Her body is the one that provides the fetus with what it needs to develop. Her survival is of paramount importance if she has a family. The interests of society should be focused on the woman and then on the pregnancy. If the men and women who are so opposed to abortion truly care about life after pregnancy they would be passing laws and creating programs to support all families regardless of income, employment status, etc.
Until this country decides that life after birth is as important as life in the uterus pro-life stances mean nothing. We have plenty of children who are waiting to be adopted. We have plenty of children who are in poverty, whose parents can't make ends meet. Help them first before forcing women to have children they don't want, or can't afford.
6/13/2019 9:03pm
77
So brave, so poignant. Thank you for sharing your personal decision to advocate for women's right to decide for themselves, for their agency, and for respect for privacy in making this difficult decision.
24
It is insane that women still have to bear the burden of these decisions. What we need are reversible vasectomies. If men had to go through the trauma of fearing an unwanted pregnancy every month, that procedure would have been available decades ago. So, who wants to pioneer this field and make a fortune? Think how much happier and relaxed everyone would be if men or teenage boys all got vasectomies knowing they could be reversed when the time was right for having a child. Women wouldn't have to take hormonal birth control, which has side effects for them and also affects our water supply like other pharmaceuticals do. I know that vasectomies can sometimes be reversed, but I'm talking about a method that is MEANT to be reversed when the time is right. Considering the current threat to women's control of their bodies, this would be the perfect time for this innovation.
35
@N equals 1: a vasectomy is pretty delicate microsurgery.
It is easy to CUT a tiny section out of your reproductive system -- not so easy to put it all back.
My stepson had a vasectomy in 2014…..because he and his wife were arguing about birth control and whether to have a 3rd child.
Then he had second thoughts around 2015 and went to have it reversed in 2016. The ORIGINAL vasectomy was cheap and covered by insurance at 100%.
The reversal was NOT COVERED and cost about $3500 and it didn't work.
The results of reversals are not too good.
Also, good luck convincing most men to have to this done. And how would you do that? Forcing men to have SURGERY? rendering 50% of them STERILE FOR LIFE?
Would you ask all women to have tubal ligations, then try to reverse them?
2
Thank you to those who share your stories.
May I add that it's also okay to have an abortion because you're 20, or any age, and you just broke up with your boyfriend and are very alone, or whatever the story is.
46
Thank you for sharing a deeply personal story to help make the case for free access to abortion for all.
I am a dude, but feel demoralized about denying women a basic right over their bodies and their choices.
It is demoralizing indeed when humanity is undermined and freedom of choice is taken away because of beliefs - that to be fair, are well founded - but cannot stand in the way of letting women choose freely.
If the pro-life people want to effect their dogmas, they should try the harder path of promoting self-restraint in couples etc. rather than putting the mother’s and as this story suggests the baby’s life at risk.
Another way to take a look at the issue is (and this is a tough one) the full life span of a future adult must be taken into account when legislating (rather than just the initial formative weeks after conception).
12
Thank you for your frank, raw honesty. Others need to realize the many consequences, good and bad, of pregnancy. No choices are easy. You are one strong woman...
15
To all of the fantastic men who show compassion and empathy in their comments and support a woman's right to choose: THANK YOU!
To all of those men who cavalierly denigrate women who choose abortion, I have these suggestions/questions:
#1. Would you agree to legislation requiring all men to wear condoms (and use them correctly) whenever they have sex, unless they are having sex with a consenting female who would like to start a family or get pregnant?
#2. Would you agree to legislation requiring all men to have vasectomies until they are ready to have a family with a consenting female? (Most vasectomies are reversible.)
Women have been bearing the full burden and consequences - literally and figuratively - for birth control, since time immemorial. It's time that men did their fair share.
Men who don't agree - or who don't support a woman's right to choose - should keep their opinions to themselves.
122
Right on!
1
Thank you, Rep. Jayapal. I'm sorry that painful personal stories like yours should need to be told in public, but I believe it will help that you have done so. Everyone who thinks they know better than a pregnant woman what her medical choice should be, please go get a life for yourself in which you do something positive for society.
28
....if you read the court decisions regarding abortion you will see the contention is the ability for an individual (a pregnant woman) to determine and terminate the possibility of an embryo or fetus developing into a sentient human being... it's not simply denying a woman control over her body...
4
@Pitz: Yes it is simply denying a person control over her body, same as when a person with a rare blood type would be forced to donate blood to save the life of a young child who urgently needs it. The matching blood donor cannot be forced to donate blood even if it meant the death of a child, so why should a woman be forced to go through pregnancy and birth with much more severe and lasting consequences for her physical, mental and economic well-being than a blood donation?
58
@Anna ...very simply, it is an issue of morality, a pregnant woman is deciding for someone else whether they will live or not...
1
@Pitz - Those who would force every pregnancy to come to term have obviously never spent a single second thinking about the fate of that unwanted, probably unaffordable, child once its born. An unwanted child is likely to be resented, neglected, sometimes abused, or even tortured and killed. Our foster care system has a very high percentage of unwanted children in it, and statistics show that about 1/3 of unwanted children end up spending their adult lives in the US prison system.
5
Thank you, Pramila, as always, speaking truth to power. I smile, remembering how many of us were awakened to government threats to justice in those days after 9/11, and the force of your work in Washington state, and all of ours throughout the nation. We still stand together for justice. Thank you!
20
After leaving an abusive relationship and still suffering from PTSD, I fell in love with a very sweet man, who -- unfortunately -- didn't return that love. But before I knew that I went to my doctor to make sure that my diaphragm was still intact. My doctor said it was fine, but she said I was putting way too much spermicidal jelly into it. So the next time I had sex I put less around the rim and I immediately became pregnant. I was in no shape to be a mother. I was on medication for the PTSD, which had warnings on it not to use if pregnant, and I had very little income and no way to support a baby. There was no way I would trap this nice man into fatherhood. He wasn't ready either. I had an abortion and I am eternally grateful that I had that choice.
75
@chrisaquila: diaphragms are fine (though few women today use them) but they ALWAYS had a higher failure rate than the Pill or IUD or other methods.
When I had one, a long time back...I was informed of this, and told to use caution -- accept it might fail -- use backup methods.
Yes, if you put way too much spermicide in your diaphragm, it can literally slip out.
It is not clear that this caused your diaphragm failure, however. Most failure occurs from inserting it too late, or taking it out too early, or bathing after intercourse.
I'd tell a young woman that if this is the method she prefers....to only consider it in an established or MARRIED relationship, and with backup use of condoms during her fertile period (just a few days).
It would be absolutely the WRONG birth control method for someone like yourself, with PTSD and an insecure, short-term relationship. You were pretty much setting yourself up for failure.
2
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your vulnerability. You are a strong and courageous woman and your honesty is much appreciated.
18
Thank you for offering your own private experience and, in so doing, making what is often spewed about as political and pseudo-religious rhetoric a concrete, very unique, very human reality.
13
Thank you, Ms. Jayapal, for having the courage to share your story. I read it with a long-familiar, sharp intake of breath, as it took me back to the choice I've lived with for nearly three decades.
It was a simple choice: I was leaving an abusive marriage with a three-year-old in tow, and had been to the required court proceeding where my husband was represented by one of his large-firm law partners and I by a kind, but helpless, legal aid attorney. I got out of the marriage with nothing but myself and my child. I found a tiny apartment and prepared to raise my daughter on my teaching assistant's stipend.
Then I discovered that I was pregnant. And made a choice that was the only right one for us.
It was a simple choice. But it is one that has haunted me since, never very far from mind. I went on to remarry and have another daughter, and now a grandson, but the child I never knew - who would have been 29 this October, who I imagine to have been a son, and who has a name - became so much more than the centimeter-wide cluster of cells that he was when he was violently sucked from my body. He became a child, now a young adult, whose absence I mourn in moments like this one, on silken days in early October, and on days sunny and rainy. I will mourn him for the rest of my life.
It was a simple choice. It was the right and necessary choice. And it was, for me, forever, the most heart-rending choice I pray I will ever have to make.
57
@Jennifer although we are likely not in agreement about abortion I wish to say thank you for sharing what you did. My story is different. I was 21 and single and wish the “adults” around me at the time had been more supportive. I take full responsibility for my actions as I’m the one who ultimately made the decision. But if just one person had reassured me that it wasn’t the end of the world I might have done the right thing. I didn’t and thought all was well. Until years later when I was haunted by the sound of a child wailing in despair. Despair because he was not loved or wanted. It took me years to figure out who he was. And as soon as I came to terms with the horrific thing I’d done, I apologized -to that child. And the inconsolable little boy stopped visiting me in my thoughts. Truth be told I have no idea if the life I had snuffed out in the womb was a boy or a girl. I knew one thing, however,immediately and made a vow I kept: if I wasn’t willing to carry a man’s baby, then I had no business engaging in the activity that could result in a pregnancy. I went on to marry and have children. And I enter the lion’s den of these op-ed pages, often to ridicule and insults, because it just might get a single person to reconsider what kind of “choice” they’re advocating.
11
@JR
Thank you, JR. You're right: I support a woman's constitutional right to choose, whether that choice comes decisively, with clarity and no regrets, or if it is made with difficulty and feelings of guilt and loss.
I appreciate your willingness to engage, without enmity, people with whom you disagree over this most difficult, contentious issue.
To me, the Roe v. Wade decision presents the best option and the least of possible evils, because it allows choice: the choice to bring a pregnancy to its natural, 40 week conclusion - a baby - when a woman believes that she, with or without helpmeet, is able to provide that helpless and long-dependent baby with all that s/he needs to grow to be a happy, kind, and productive person -- a pro-life choice; or a choice - her choice - to terminate her pregnancy. Choice offers options to women that include a pro-life choice and preclude the government's staking claim to our bodies. I believe the decision to abort an embryo or fetus is rarely made casually, and - as in both our cases - it can bring regret. This, even when it is the better decision under a set of circumstances. Peace.
6
I am sorry that you have lived with such pain from your choice many years ago. I do think that women who are pregnant deserve support, especially when the pregnancy is unplanned. It would be very nice if a woman was not stigmatized for being pregnant and unwed, if she did not suffer from a lack of healthcare options in that situation, and if she had some way of feeling assured she and her child would be financially ok, should she decide to give birth. I believe that this kind of support would help eliminate abortions for many women, and thereby eliminate the pain of regrets and guilt. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be enough attempts to provide that sort of support as a society. Instead, the solution for the anti-abortionists is to ban abortion, and additionally, many of them vilify women who become pregnant in precarious circumstances. I don’t think either of those things help reduce abortions, just legal ones. I do happen to support legal abortion, as I feel there are times when women need to have that choice available. But in a better world, women who would take another path, if such a path was available, would have other options. Even you, with all your regrets, still blame the societal pressures that compelled you to choose as you did.
5
Thank you for de-stigmatizing abortion. It is never an easy decision and you are brave to share your story. We need to change the narrative that abortion is chosen only by the poor, uneducated, and careless. It is a decision many women of all socioeconomic situation, race/ethnicity and age. Thank you
33
Thank you, Representative Jayapal. This is a private story, but sharing it does so much good, especially now. Women must be free to choose when they will become mothers. Or else they are not free people. Because there are innumerable situations to comprehend, the best law is the one that trusts women and their healthcare professionals to make these hard choices.
18
Pramila, you are so incredibly brave and authentic. The gods are are with you always.
18
Simply, thank you.
honest, eloquent, humble.
18
Thank you for your honesty.
Thank you for saying things people often tell me I don't have the "right" to say, as a male (that the decision to proceed or not with one of the most dangerous medical conditions a woman can experience - in fact the only life-threatening medical condition any of us can voluntarily go through) should be left to the only living, thinking party in a pregnant woman's body, the woman herself.
As one who would never subject another to pregnancy - or suggest termination to anyone unless it was sincerely life-threatening - against her will - and who never felt fit to play his role as a parent, I am happy to say birth control never failed for me and (the "us" of the time) - I at least managed to make known my desires not to parent, and willingness to be 100% supportive of a partner's decisions - avoiding those who wished me to commit impregnation, silly as that sounds.
You will no doubt receive hate mail from those who, because of, when you come down to it, their desire to impose their ignorant or religious beliefs upon everyone, will declare you a "murderer" for removing a small piece of tissue as sentient as a cancer tumor.
It may even be a good idea to let the public know how these mostly male folks really think, to attack the recent spate of downright un-American laws being passed by too many states (though one would be too many).
6
Thank you for using your child’s preferred pronouns. Thank you for writing about the importance of constitutionally protected abortion rights. I can not believe what is currently happening in this country. To think the party of personal rights is spouting such authoritarian invasive nonsense is sickening.
38
The belief of personal rights does not extend to the taking of life. (Just in case you were unsure about this dynamic.)
5
@Chuck. There is no “life” being taken — only a cluster of unviable cells. And it’s a constitutionally protected woman’s choice, thankfully! Don’t like it? Don’t have one.
46
@Chuck
Not disagreeing . Ok to war on any country if you want their oil, minerals or people to work for free? Or dislike their beliefs, which they are not imposing on anyone e.g India,? No, I am sure you agree. AFAIK, the Bible actively advocates abortion several times, if the father is not acceptable.
1
A very fine lady and representative of the people.
14
Thank you for sharing your story. I do not presume to know what it is like to have to make this choice.
I also think it's important, as we as a society try to heal in this divisive time, to frame issues carefully. The framing of the issue as one of "my body, my choice" can seem dismissive of the sincerely held beliefs of others, and I hope we can find a different way.
I understand the passion that infuses the rhetoric on this difficult subject, and I hope that we can reach a place that makes us more able to share our highly personal stories and thoughts.
8
It is appropriate - and necessary - to be dismissive of the views and fight the actions of people who would violate women’s basic human right to bodily autonomy. We do not owe such people respect, let alone courtesy. What’s next - advocating courtesy & respect for rapists and incest perpetrators?
I seriously doubt that you would practice what you preach if your body and reproductive organs were involved.
Take responsibility for your own body and sperm and leave it at that.
22
@Joel
The "sincerely held beliefs of others" is already fully accommodated in our legal right to abortion... if someone does not believe abortion is a valid choice, they are free to not have one. Their "belief" does not extend beyond their choice for their own life. Their "belief" does not extend into the life of anyone else who makes a different decision. Prochoice probirth proponents seek to impose their "belief" on those who don't believe that at all and this is a fundamental aggression that cannot be dismissed or accommodated.
22
@Joel
No reason to apologize for dismissing non-sensical views. In fact, respecting them gives them credence as valid arguments that they aren’t. Same way no reason to respect arguments not grounded in reality.
3
It was courageous for you, Rep. Jayapal to share your story. Thank you for doing so.
19
Thank you much for writing this piece. I hope more female lawmakers will follow your brave example. Bravo!
17
I'm sorry that more and more women are finding it necessary to relive their most difficult moments, but I am so grateful to them for doing so. Thank you for standing up and speaking out for our rights!
34
Thank you for an intelligent, thoughtful retelling of your very personal experience. Choice is the only issue for pregnant women. Federal law allows choice. Chose is not anti-abortion.
Anti-abortionists have a choice, too. Their choice is respected. Is it too much to expect anti-abortionists to respect the choice some women make that conflicts with an anti-abortionist's personal, religious or politically motivated points of view? Unfortunately, yes. As a mother of two healthy sons, both conceived by choice, I will continue in my own way to support choice for ALL women.
14
If our Congress were populated by intelligent, brave, empathetic people like Rep. Jayapal I would sleep so much easier at night. I am so impressed by this Woman; those who elected her made an excellent choice.
33
I would like to see the day when those people who call themselves "pro life" were pro life. California, a state which favors the right of women to choose has the lowest maternal death rate in the country. Louisiana which recently passed a fetal heart beat bill has the highest maternal death rate in the country. Will the day ever come when those who work hard to prohibit abortion work as hard to insure women have good care during childbirth.
75
Sadly, Republicans have cleverly made abortion into another mish-mash of political and religious mumbo-jumbo. If we as a nation are eager to burn the village to save it, we have found Trump and his enabling Republicans. The days are numbered for us as a nation to split apart at the seams, and abortion will be vying for the honors. Our heartiest respect to the Represtative for sharing this deeply personal story so very eloquently.
10
Thank you for making the sacrifice to share your deeply personal story.
12
Thank you. Abortion is simply a fundamental right. Abortion is healthcare. Abortion is personal. And it is nobodies business but your own. Pregnant people have jurisdiction over their own pregnancies. It is absurd to pretend otherwise.
25
Abortion is neither a right or healthcare. Some medical conditions may warrant that the pregnancy be patient ended and depending on the stage it will a premature birth or an abortion.
Yes it is health care
Thank you for sharing your very personal story. Abortion is never an easy choice for any woman.
12
And it’s a choice that you revisit, lament, reconsider and never get over. But, as my mother told me, “Make the best bet choice at the time, with the information you have, do what you need to do, and move on.”
Speak for yourself. I had a birth control failure. I never wanted children. Religious nonsense has nothing to do with my sex life. Having an abortion was a relatively easy decision. I do not regret it. Not all of us do. We are not going to pretend otherwise to mollify meddlesome judgmental fools.
5
I had an abortion when I was 21. I was not ready to be a mother and I did not want a child. PERIOD. Completely valid reason. My ONLY feeling afterwards was one of relief. Still relieved to this day that I was able to get an abortion. I am now married, have 2 kids in their twenties and lived my life. This was my choice. It should be every woman's choice whether to terminate a pregnancy or have a child.
88
@Van Verre up to a certain point in the pregnancy abortion it should be an unquestioned right. After a certain point it is definitely more complicated and should be and is more limited. At some point, the life of the mother or an unviable baby is the only valid reason. A baby after around 24 weeks is definitely a fully formed, independent life.
Here’s the problem: “around 24 weeks”
Is it at 23 weeks and 6 days that I can abort because the next day it’s suddenly a human?
Think!
When does a so-called cluster of cells become a human being?
Why do you think every story is laden with language of guilt and “it was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make”?
@Stefan which is why late stage abortions are illegal in countries that have legal abortions. Do educate yourself
1
The anti-abortion crusade has had carte blanche to claim absolute certainty based on science when, in reality, what they've done is create buckets of pseudo-science factoids similar to what right wing evolution and climate change deniers do. This pseudo-science has been allowed to range free unmolested by the WP fact checker, and everyone else for that matter.
"Life begins at conception."
Nope. Life does not "start", not anymore. Life is a cycle. Sperm and egg are very much alive and spontaneous generation was discarded in the 19th century.
"Joining of DNA creates a new unique individual."
Nope. The zygote still needs to go through development before an individual is produced. The DNA itself, without development, produces nothing. Development also needs epigenetic changes. The sperm and egg together carry the same DNA prior to fertilization. To claim a "new individual" requires a value judgement, not science.
"The fetus is really a baby."
Nope. The terminology used to describe stages of development have a function. "Baby" is not one of those terms. Instead, "baby" describes what we see after birth.
The big lie"Science indisputably proves a new person is created at the instant of conception." Just look at the terms used in the abortion debate: rights, baby, person, individual, murder. None of those terms have meaning in objective observation and science. Science is incapable of solving this debate. Those are terms of philosophy, law, and theology, necessarily subjective.
28
I was just 18 when I escorted my high school girlfriend to the clinic up in Buffalo, after a 13 hour ride in a Greyhound...
We had to walk though a gauntlet of jeering and taunting fundamentalists, held back by policemen who generally scowled as well. It's a vision that's stuck with me and always will.
She killed herself via carbon monoxide two years later. A bright, beautiful and happy person, she could never recover from the trauma that these so-called Christians had heaped upon her.
What about her right to life?
127
@Aerys
Yours is a compelling story. Would you consider writing an op-ed so it reaches more people? Even for the local paper.
15
You don’t think it’s possible that the abortion itself caused the trauma she was unable to recover from?
1
@Aerys "So called christians" is exactly right. These people are reprehensible.
1
Thank you for sharing this extremely personal experience with the public. The act of sharing your experience will hopefully encourage others to do the same with their stories and others, like me, to witness these experiences and learn.
Additionally, thank you for serving in government and your efforts to help make us a more perfect union.
9
Thank you for sharing your story. It is about choice, and choosing is not easy, and nobody is cavalier about such a heartfelt and difficult decision. I too was glad to have compassion and skill in my longtime OBGYN. But I don't talk about it. It does no good. As they say, look back, but don't stare. I have 2 wonderful children, and so it is. I am complete, and have no regrets.
12
Women, speak up.
I work with 22 women ranging in age from 18 to 65 years old.
Including myself, I know that of the 22, 6 have had abortions.
Four of us were in our late 20’s to early 30’s, married and already had 1 to 3 kids in the early 1980’s.
NONE OF US ARE SORRY BECAUSE WE FEEL IT WAS THE BEST AND ONLY DECISION WE COULD MAKE AT THE TIME.
Speak up so that when more people realize that they “know” someone that has had an abortion, they may begin to understand and show some compassion for a woman that had a choice to have a safe medical procedure performed by her physician.
56
I am so proud of Pramila Jayapal, my congresswoman. I had a miscarriage between my two children. The doctor that performed the D and C was very kind, and he said something was probably wrong with the baby. Miscarriage is common. I was told that 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage.
The laws that some are proposing are making miscarriage part of the conversation. It is possible that women who miscarry could be questioned or even prosecuted.
We need leaders like Rep. Jayapal to protect women and our choices, you are brave to speak about your personal decision.
57
Dear Representative Jayapal:
Abortion really should be 'nobody's business' ~ but I thank you for speaking out in such an open and moving way. Thank you for your courage and thank you for being my Rep in Congress.
I too am thankful I live in a state that has protection for choice. I faced a problematic third pregnancy (due to a health condition), which would have meant I could not care for my two young children in the manner that I needed to. Via consults with my doctor and my husband, I scheduled an abortion, but that morning started to miscarry. This is all so deeply personal, and 'Nobody's Business' ~ but I too will speak out... the right to choose to be or not be pregnant needs to be protected across the USA.
37
I live in Rep. Jayapal’s district and attended one of her town halls two weeks ago. She is a very dedicated member of Congress and I am happy that she is my Congresswoman. While I personally lean pro-life, I believe that the most divisive of issues such as abortion is best settled via voter referendum.
10
@R.C.
You suggest referendum because you are against abortion. If you win you win, if you lose you personally don’t lose anything. Stakes are much higher for the other side and after last presidential election the sanity of the big portion of electorate is in question to begin with.
1
The story brings a tear to the eye.Many women struggle with difficult decisions when faced with medical opinion on their health or foetal abnormalities which are incompatible with life outside the womb.
For balance .the NYT should feature a woman who went against medical advice re dangers to her health surviving the pregnancy and giving birth to a healthy child. Although unusual and perhaps not as newsworthy in these times .it would broaden the discussion.
4
@Pat C
What you suggest is not a balanced retort to Rep. Jayapal's experience but would be the elevation of an anomaly to the same level as well-researched medical care and advice. Women are advised about the risks and poor outcomes of a dangerous pregnancy based on confidently determined medical research in myriad studies, over decades, from thousands and thousands of pregnancies and deliveries.
When healthcare providers explain the risks in a particular case, they aren't basing it on the anomaly but rather what has been shown to happen study after study, outcome after outcome in comparable cases. They are giving women the information they need to make challenging decisions based on the best prognostics at hand, not on the "Hail Mary" anomalous outcome that is so unlikely as to be the most poor and likely catastrophic basis for these decisions.
25
@Name The NYT have produce several anecdotal case studies supporting the choice of womem opting for abortion after due consideration These opinions have featured doctors and now a politician.Those who choose a "Hail Mary " approach should not be ostracised as an "anomaly " but recognised as ordinary citizens making a choice. Indeed exercising control of their body.
This would be a courageous dangerous decision worthy of publicising. Few will choose this option against advice.but some do. The abortion rate where a direct threat to the mothers life is the indication for abortion is 1-2% as women generally respond to the advice of doctors. A good news story would be welcome.
@Pat C
A woman’s right to carry a child to term under difficult circumstances is not being challenged. It’s a woman’s right NOT to that’s under attack. Stories about women who chose to carry to term have no bearing on that. Such women have and will always have that right. Those of us who may not want to, on the other hand, may lose our rights.
12
I admire you so much, Congressperson Jayapal. Thanks so much for this wonderful essay.
11
Thank you for sharing your powerful story. And for being my representative in the House.
6
It should always be the woman's choice. Thank you for sharing Ms. Jayapal.
16
Thank you, Representative Jayapal, for sharing your deeply personal story to help bring about better understanding. Thank you.
7
Thanks so much to Rep. Jayapal for sharing the incredibly touching story of her personal life. It reaffirms the Roe v Wade decision, granted under the 14th Amendment, that women have the unequivocal right to undergo abortions without any restrictive interference from the government.
The recent flurry of anti abortion activities by the GOP in a number of states, including Alabama, is a brazen and brutal attack on women’s rights from our highly institutionalized, chauvinistic and patriarchal political and social structures under the guise of misguided religiosity. Shameful indeed!
6
...."just the free exercise of a protected constitutional right"...this is one of the basic issues for any country or culture.
An objective understanding of the ancient Indian culture--along with the impact of the Modern--can possibly reveal a rarely-discussed new angle.
3
Rep Jayapal showed incredible courage in telling this difficult personal story. I have some special people in my life that made similar decisions. Birth control does not work 100% of the time. People should really think twice about legislating their morals on others.
13
Such a heartbreaking story told very frankly by a caring mother and person. I too was the father of a pre-mature baby and the trauma described here is real. Decisions like these are best made by the parent. Parents care for their kids and decisions like these are not black and white but many shades of grey. Politicians, preachers and the religious should not be making these decisions for a secular society like ours. Thanks for your story!
21
I had an abortion in 1983, after a birth control method failed. What a major relief, and nothing even remotely traumatizing about it.
Some 15 years later, I sought treatment for anxiety in a completely unrelated context.
I am sorry I revealed my abortion, because the provider made way too much of it. No, it was not traumatizing, and it had nothing at all to do with my subsequent mental health issues.
Thankfully. my birth control method never failed again, but I would have had as many abortions as necessary.
43
I'd admire and am grateful for the many women including Pramila Jayapal who have had the courage to speak so publicly about something so private and personal.
No woman should ever have to defend such a difficult,personal decision and no man or group of men (or women for that matter) should have the authority to interfere with a woman's right to choose.
Thank you Pramila- I am moved by your story and sorry that our freedom is once again threatened.
We will not go back - we will stand strong together-Keep abortion safe and legal.
21
Thank you for sharing your story, it was extremely well written.
9
Thank you for sharing your story and for being a strong advocate for this important healthcare issue. I am proud to have you as my representative!
9
This abortion discussion overlooks the fathers, some of whom suffer serious trauma when they learn that they will not see the baby because it was aborted, as it must be very painful to want the baby, but the mother has decided to abort it, for her own personal reasons, such as the ones stated in this opinion. The reasons given may be valid to many women, but the heartbreak remains for some fathers of aborted babies because they were treated as not capable or even worthy of having feelings for the fetus because all they contributed was you know what, but it was the woman who carried a greater burden.
3
If a man wants to be a father, then he needs to make sure he is on the same page with the woman he is having sex with. If a man wants to be a father, then he should find a partner, make a commitment, marriage would be ideal, and then agree to have a child together.
If a man wants to be a father, then he should not go around impregnating women who do not want or are not ready or capable of being mothers.
Women bear the risk of death and the physical consequences of pregnancy, which are often severe (lifelong incontinence, torn tissues, prolapsed uterus, etc.). Her body, her life, her decision. Men have no business telling women what to do with their bodies.
And by the way, what is aborted is not a "baby," but a cluster of undifferentiated cells the size of a grape.
47
@Isle Of course there are cases where fathers may want the decision to go the other way. I would wager there are many more cases of men do not want the responsibility of a child, who pressure women to abort, against her wishes otherwise.
11
@Isle
Boohoo. Sorry, I just don’t feel bad for a man who would force a woman to go through pregnancy and birth for him just because he has the sads that he won’t “see” the baby.
He’s welcome to gestate and give birth to it himself if he wants, but he has no legal or moral right to force a woman to accept the medical risks of pregnancy and birth because he wants a baby.
21
Thank you for sharing your story.
8
Thank you for this real life story, Abortion is not an easy choice and people have to live with there choices. No one has the right to tell us what to do especially when everyone answers to their own God.
Till women are treated as equals in every aspect, women need not to hear from self righteous individuals who can not walk in anyone others shoes,
So lets keep our opinions to ourselves and worry about our own relationship with character and life. Other people do not need to hear our opinions.
2
Thank you for sharing your story for the benefit of all women. It was an extremely courageous thing to do.
I would like to add just one thought: saying some women "don't believe in abortion" implies that women who are pro-choice do "believe in abortion," which, to be super clear, is not the case. They simply "believe" that a woman has the right to choose.
14
Brava, congresswoman. We need strong, clear voices like yours in politics.
6
Every pregnancy is unique. Every decision about continuing it is private and personal. If lawmakers had to write detailed laws about each potential abortion situation and its "legality," they'd end up with a 1,000 manual and still wouldn't cover every contingency.
So abortion is legal if the mother's life is in danger: How much danger? Does she need to demonstrate a greater than 50 percent chance of dying? Seventy-five percent? How many doctors would need to certify this?
So it's legal in the case of rape: does she need to file a police report? How soon after the attack? What if they lose the rape kit? Or don't arrest the rapist?
What if fertility drugs result in four implanted embryos, but doctors say that carrying all four to term will endanger the mother's life, and possibly endanger the fetuses as well? Okay to reduce the pregnancy?
Until lawmakers are willing to face the realities of human reproduction, they're just posturing for anti-abortion activists at the expense of families. And it's despicable.
32
Yulia,
As a pro life woman, I believe that a fetus becomes a baby at the moment of conception. Abortion is wrong at any stage of pregnancy. More people are finally realizing that it is immoral. Just because it is legal does not make it the right choice.
6
And you can choose.
You just can’t do it for me.
34
"I believe that a fetus becomes a baby at the moment of conception"
There's no fetus until 9 weeks from the "moment of conception". This convoluted nonsense "belief" explains everything that rational people need to know about forced-birthers and their deliberately false and deceptive jargon.
21
Believe what you want. But leave your fellow citizen alone to their beliefs. You are not free to foist religion on others in America.
19
@Rep Pramila Jayapal, it was brave of you to share your story, thank you for your bravery and strength!
11
I truly admire Rep. Jayapal's courage in reliving those wrenching times and sharing her story publicly. She and her family deserve nothing but love and happiness going forward.
However, the article also highlights the disparities in reproductive rights across the country. I suspect she could not have written this column today if she had been a Representative from Missouri or Georgia or Alabama, with any aspirations to be re-elected.
15
I was happy and confidant to cast my vote for Pramila Jayapal to be my districts congresswoman. After reading this I now consider my choice to be by default genius. Anyone that has that kind of commitment to and reverence for life is the type of person we need more of in government. What a stark contrast to the self serving trump-mcconnell pair.
41
@Steve Ain't that the truth!
Incredible writing from Rep. Jayapal and the responses. Please keep talking - as someone who thought I knew enough was still learning a lot. States like mine need to hear these stories. Loud and clear.
Hands off their bodies. Enough.
29
The Congresswoman gave us a glimpse into the truth of ending a pregnancy. The choice to do so is deeply personal, unique, and far from a casual decision. I believe politicians who think they can outlaw a woman’s choice to carry a fetus to term are in for a rude awakening if and when women and families find that the freedom of choice is truly gone. Women have always had abortions one way or another. The issue not abortion. The issue is freedom for half the nation’s population.
26
Also lost in this discussion is the detection of serious defects in the fetus. I have a friend whose fetus had anencephaly - i.e. no brain. Babies born with anencephaly die shortly after birth. There is no cure, no treatment. But bringing the fetus to term is still a significant risk to the mother and for some mothers the risk is higher than for others.
Had abortion not been legal, and the mother forced to bring the fetus to term, there would have been one guaranteed death in the delivery room and possibly two.
55
@John
When our son was born, the doctor said "he's perfect". We were overjoyed. Indeed, he was a handsome, 9lb. boy. Right after the first year, problems surfaced of no speech, middle of the night screaming and shaking his arms and legs then running towards our full length window. It was decided that he had autism and we went from doctor to doctor for help.
He had a major seizure at 20 months. We decided to take him to Vanderbilt and couldn't get in until he was nearly 3. They thought something else was going on and he needed an MRI. We went back to local doctors and they disagreed for it was "just autism'. Nothing happened.
Went back to Vanderbilt, again it took awhile to get an appointment, so he was 4. They ordered an MRI and a doctor in our town made it happen. The MRI took hours- and ended up being an all day event- something wasn't right. He had a brain malformation with spinal cord problems and needed nuerosurgery. It was a deformity and is genetic.
My husband had a vasectomy. Glad because I couldn't do another child like this. He's 21 now and things are better, still autistic, but pain free. He cannot talk and will always live with us. He will always need our community and government to survive. He can't live independently. I love him, but no way could I do two children like this.
87
@Sandy L
You may not know many people in your situation, but there are so many of you. You have my admiration and my sympathy. I wish your lives were not so hard.
Representative Jayapal bravely bared her soul to an un-deserving audience. How unfortunate though that she was forced to breach her own HIPPA Rights in the name of illustrating the very real need for medical choice.
22
Thank you congresswoman Jayapal for your bravery in coming forward at this very scary time for reproductive rights. I'll remember your name.
22
Thank you Ms. JayapaI for telling your story. It took bravery for you to come forward. Your story is powerful. The only way to keep our right to make this choice is to fight for it with our heads held high.
I was a child when they were bombing clinics in the 80's and 90's. This is one of the very first forms of terrorism that I remember. Bush and republicans are wrong about our homegrown terrorists. Violent attacks, assaults and vandalism still occur against clinics that perform abortions.
I bring this up because even though we have this right legally we are still fighting for freedom. Laws have never changed minds. If we want to preserve this right for our daughters and our sons, eventually, we will have to ALL make a stand with our heads held high and our stories, which humanize us, in tow.
20
She forgets that by making a choice about what’s in her body, she violates someone else’s body. The right to live is a lot more legitimate and important than the right to a medical procedure.
8
@Jacob The women's right to live her life the way she wants trumps all else.
40
You didn’t read very carefully. She has a blood disorder that makes pregnancy life threatening. Pregnancy is actually life threatening for all women to some degree or another. I have had enough c-sections that it would be life threatening for me to carry and deliver another baby. Should I take that risk and leave my children motherless?
80
@Jacob You forget that by telling her what she can and cannot do with her own body, you (and the US gov't) are violating her body.
37
I am ashamed that it took the pregnancy of my wife to teach me this basic truth: pregnancy is dangerous labor, and decisions on pregnancy are best left to those doing the labor and their doctors.
It is my shame that I didn't extend understanding to women I knew who made the decision to terminate their pregnancy because of very real risks of birth defects.
It is my shame that I didn't extend my compassion to women I knew who decided that the labor involved in pregnancy wasn't something they could do, for whatever reason. I acted from ignorance, arrogance, and sexism. I see that now.
I was wrong, and it is important to admit this.
309
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
11
Thank you for sharing your story. We must all tell our stories and not allow millions of lives to be ruined by this administration.
16
The author writes, "I decided I could not responsibly have the baby." I give the author credit for admitting that it was a "baby" whose life she was making a decision about rather than taking refuge in euphemisms like "clump of cells" or obsessively referring to the child as a "fetus", as so many pro-choice advocates do.
11
@D Scientific terms aren't euphemisms.
47
A clump of cells, in the case of pregnancy, is referred to as a blastocyst. An embryo is larger and may be developing into what may become a fetus at 3 month. A fetus is what may live and be born and become a neonate.
Because you are afraid of medical science does not change the facts that there are recognized division along the human life span. You can protest all you want but there are always going to different methods to treat people of different ages and physical capacity.
46
@D, I would think that she refers to the baby she had because she gave birth to a baby and was also considering the possibility of having another baby, not a fetus. She does make that distinction, but you have to read more carefully to see that.
18
Thank you, Rep. Jayapal, for sharing your story. I'm sure it took a tremendous amount of courage to open your private life to the public, knowing that you might receive cruel comments and criticism. Your story underscores the idea that abortion is a very personal decision, and each person's situation is unique. Therefore, the final decision should be the mother's without government intervention or public judgement.
11
Like eggs and bacon for breakfast; the chicken is involved, but the pig is committed. Mom struggles, but the child dies. How is everyone so cavalier about this?
7
@TexasR
The Mother dies too. We are very fortunate that maternal death in pregnancy/childbirth is not as common as it once was but, sadly, it still happens.
24
@TexasR
Most of us are not simpletons who understand that we cannot force people to donate organs to other people. Most of us are not simpletons and recognize that non-sentient 7 week old embryos do not have the same moral value as living, breathing, thinking, feeling women and girls. Most of us are not simpletons who realize that we cannot simply force someone to suffer because someone else wants to claim a stake in their bodies. Most of us (except rapists and pro-lifers) respect the right of women to decide who uses her body and when.
34
@TexasR So, a hypothetical: You're outside a fertility clinic when a fire breaks out inside. You look in and spy on one wall a container with vials containing 10,000 fertilized human eggs waiting to be implanted in hopeful would-be mothers, and on the other side of the room, a five-year-old child, cringing and crying out. You want to rush in and save them both, but you realize that the fire is spreading so fast, that you can only save one: one life versus 10,000 "lives" (in your calculus). What do you do? What do you think most anyone would do?
1
There is no "Constitutional Right" to an abortion.
The word never appears in the Constitution
and Justice William O. Douglas admits that
the so called right was woven into the "Right to Privacy"
which he admitted was created by the Court.
Free
Pre/Post Natal Care
Child Care
Pre-School
Maternity/Paternity Leave
Health Care for all.
Adoption rather than Abortion.
12
@John Brown But Mr. Brown, we don't have free pre- and post-natal care, or child care, or leave or even health care. And you don't mention the fact that situations are all over the map. Can you really force a woman to go through what the writer went through, physically and emotionally? Is it really your business?
304
@John Brown
Ms. Jaypal stated that her doctors told her that her blood disorder could DIE if she gave birth again. The best pre-natal care cannot prevent all complications. She decided to live for the child who was here and needed much care.
Adoption is wonderful if the woman chooses it - if she survives the delivery and can choose it. Ms. Jaypal did not want to adopt her child out of her home. She wanted to save her own life.
163
@John Brown If you read her story, you might have noted that none of the solutions you put forward address her issues. In fact, for many women, pregnancy is high risk, possibly fatal. These women have heartbeats, not to mention family and friends who depend on them. They should have a right to life, don't you think?
285
I had an abortion many years ago ... I am now happily married with two beautiful children.
Had I not been able to end the unwanted pregnancy 20+ years ago, my life would have taken a different course and my two children would never have been born.
So don't believe the anti-choice zealots when they try to pretend that they are not about controlling women's sexuality, and that they are really only interested in protecting the potential lives of the unborn!
96
This is gut wrenching. I have been saying for some time, almost verbatim, what Pramila is saying. This is a intensely personal decision. No woman makes this decision flippantly. Let women decide. It’s between her and her God. Politics has no place in this decision.
35
The question that abortion proponents avoid is: At what point does the mother's reproductive "choice" end? At conception? viability? birth? And is there any basis for deciding when the mother's choice ends other than the democratic process?
And does reproductive choice have to end at birth? Some mothers are unprepared to raise the children they produce. In fact a very young student at Muskingum College here in Ohio wrapped her newborn in a blanket and put the baby in a trash can, where the child died. She was sentenced to life in prison for aggravated murder. Other than killing the fetus after birth rather than before birth, what was the difference between what she did and an abortion?
7
@J. Waddell. I sincerely hope that you see a distinction between infanticide and abortion. Nobody can wrap a baby in a blanket and drop her in a trash can.
Reproductive choice, per Roe, ends at fetal viability. That's when the woman's choice ends. If you haven't read Roe, I highly recommend it as it would help resolve your questions. Beyond viability, women can have labor induced (or sometimes an emergency C-section) if her health or life is at risk, or if the fetus is discovered to have catastrophic anomalies incompatible with life.
14
Your story represents a more realistic scenario to a very complicated issue to some, it took courage to write this and I commend you.
7
@Thomas Sanchez- Thomas- I wish you well and courage in all your future pregnancies.
5
@Jeanne DePasquale Perez -Sorry my comment was meant for another commenter before you
You didn't say how long it took you to decide to terminate your pregnancy, but I imagine it was less than 16 weeks. Less than 12, perhaps? Most likely, less than 20. In my opinion (as a medical professional and a biologist, I am not at all religious), 20 weeks is plenty of time to make this sort of decision-- more than enough in most cases. If people of good conscience want to stop endlessly fighting (debating is too tame a word) over this, then let's allow abortion-- for any reason-- up to 20 weeks, and after that, only for life-threatening conditions of mother or baby.
And don't lecture me about viability-- it is not a point in time, but a continuum, dependent on medical care available, and as such is an impractical landmark, impossible to assess without delivering the fetus/baby and seeing what happens. But 20 weeks is at least a week before any fetus has ever survived outside the womb.
(Or just continue fighting-- neither side seems to want compromise. )
15
Roe already defines abortion as a right until 20 weeks. Anything beyond that is state by state, and extremely uncommon.
5
@YMHahn
But it's at the 20 week ultrasound scan that a lot of the foetal abnormalities are detected- spinal cord abnormalities, brain defects, heart defects, diaphramatic abnormalities can be identified by this ultrasound, and most cannot be identified before this scan. Then if something is detected, sometimes further tests are required to confirm, etc. And then you have to make a decision- proceed with the pregnancy or have an abortion- and schedule it, with sometimes the requirement for a transvaginal ultrasound 3 days prior (!). So how does your 20 week cutoff work if you take this into consideration?
19
@YMHahn - It's usual that serious fetal deformities can't be detected until about 20 weeks. Some are detected later than that. And at ANY point in time a pregnancy could turn life-threatening.
2
Thank you for speaking out. I too thought I was being careful but birth control does not always work as you said. I was working full time and in college and it was just not going to be easy, so I too made the choice to terminate my pregnancy early.
I will always remember it. I do wish I had not gotten pregnant, but I don't regret the decision. I wasn't ready.
Years later I did have children and I so grateful for them.
It is never easy, and I wish I had not had to make this choice, but I do hope it remains a choice. At least for the first 12 weeks.
17
So many women have stories like this, making agonizing medically-driven decisions to terminate pregnancies.
Someone close to me was diagnosed with breast cancer and, given the type, was advised by her doctor not to have more children as the hormonal changes in pregnancy would enhance the risk of a recurrence. A pregnancy did occur. She and her husband would have loved another child. But, thinking about life-- hers, her husband's and her children's lives, she made the difficult decision to terminate the pregnancy. It was the right choice for her and her family.
The legislators in "pro-life" states surely don't care about her life. She would not have been able to make the choice she did in one of those.
46
Thank you for sharing your experience. Your story is one more illustration of why abortion is a right and a necessity for women in all kinds of circumstances, and how that choice involves thoughtfulness, compassion, and the best decision for yourself, your partner, your family, and even the possible child.
15
Thank you for being so brave and sharing such a personal decision. It will mean the world to many women.
13
Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
12
Thank you for sharing your story.
9
The author writes, "I decided I could not responsibly have the baby." Yet she fails to make the case that it was responsible and morally legitimate for her to decide to kill her baby. She does describe a difficult situation, but none of it justifies killing an innocent human being. As the author admits, she did not make her choice easily. The difficulties she struggled with were a sign that she made the wrong choice. As she obscurely recognized in her difficulties, no one can legitimately kill innocent human life.
8
@D
No, she made the case. You may not be convinced by it because you believe that women's lives and health are completely expendable and that we do not have the right to protect our lives and health, but she made the case.
77
She only asserts that she has the choice. Nowhere does she provide concrete evidence for why she has the right to that choice. In what line of reasoning does one’s right to a medical procedure take precedence over one’s right to life?
5
@D
Not a baby. Not a human being. Not a human life.
And fyi, humans "legitimately" kill innocent human lives all the time. In fact, the Catholic church assisted with the creation (pun intended) of 'just war theory' which allows for the killing of...innocents. In that context, they call it collateral damage.
The whole point of an abortion is to avoid what could be called collateral damage, meaning a potential human coming to full term - then a baby, then a human being, then a life - but in a bad situation, a potentially damaging situation. Who knows better of the reality into which a child will find itself than its mother?
An abortion can be quite humane, and quite moral in respect to a mother knowing best what kind of environment, support, etc., a child would have were it allowed to become a child.
But, to demand women give birth to each and every pregnancy thrust upon them, period, is to be inhumane, sanctimonious, and to subscribe to a theoretical view of morality that not only does not stand up to logic nor reason, but not to practice either.
33
Abortion is the taking of innocent human life whether performed on day one or in the ninth month. A fetus is a baby and no convincing will ever admit this is false. Left to its own devices, it will be born. What are we doing fiddling with Mother Nature. This is atrocious.
8
Humans always fiddling with nature. That is why we are on the top of the food chain. If we would not produce tools, weapon, cars and so on, we would extinct, because our claws, teeth and muscle are not strong enough to win the competition in the wild World. Fetus is not a child, because in order to survive it needs woman's body.
71
Until such time as we force people to donate kidneys, lungs , hearts or even just bone marrow to enable another life, none of us have the right to prohibit abortion. A woman has the right to choose what is best for her. End of story. You don’t believe in abortion don’t get one.
58
@KMW
If a fetus left to its own devices will be born, there should be no problem removing it from the body of the woman and letting it do so. The reality is that unless it is close to 40 weeks gestation it will not do so.
An embryo/fetus needs the body of the woman to develop into a baby, and she need to be willing to have it used that way. If she isn’t, an abortion is her right,
27
Thank you Rep. Jayapal for your thoughtful, heartfelt and honest article. I hope it makes a difference in this debate that so demonizes women, infantilizes, disrespects, and condescends to them. Why are men such as McConnell, Graham, Meadows and their ilk allowed to make decisions for us on such a personal decision.
21
This woman has courage, respect and dignity and I am grateful that she is a congresswoman. Thank you for sharing this.
35
Rep. Jayapal, thank you for sharing your poignant story and for demonstrating the moral leadership pregnant people and those who love them need.
13
Thank you for sharing your story!
10
Well....knowing that she couldn’t handle another pregnancy she gets pregnant anyway without using multiple types of birth control...an educated woman and her partner should have known better...abortion for her seems to me to have been a form of birth control.
4
She was utilizing birth control. She wasn't being irresponsible. my older brother was conceived while using 2 forms of birth control. My little sister - well, she was a determined little sperm, because my parents were using 3 forms of birth control, the pill, condom, & contraceptive foam.
Sometimes, no matter how hard you work to avoid it, pregnancy happens. Sometimes expectant mothers (& fathers) can make that work out ok for them and have healthy happy babies. But sometimes they need the freedom to choose if they feel the need to terminate the pregnancy. Clearly, it was not a decision she made lightly. There were a LOT of factors at play here. I applaud her courage in sharing her story.
28
@FDB
How do you know what form or forms of BC she was using? She states that BC methods are not foolproof, and her pregnancy was the result of a birth control failure. Abortion is a backup for a BC failure.
16
Agreed, if you knew you could not handle a child then both you and your spouse should have permanent sterilization and not had sex until you did so. You and your spouse are smart enough to know how to avoid procreation if you do not want to raise a child. And yes, I believe contraception should be free.
1
Super-respectfully, I personally don't find being worried about a "potential" future after a previous experience to be enough to terminate a pregnancy after someone has become pregnant as a result of consensual sex. I don't find "pregnancy methods are not foolproof" to be a particularly good excuse.
I don't think it is amoral, but I certainly think it is irresponsible and cruel as well to have an abortion when other women have certainly faced similarly difficult circumstances, decided NOT to have abortions, and their children are alive and well today, living full, rich lives.
HOWEVER: my personal beliefs don’t matter here.
Because our government has absolutely no business regulating these decisions, much less going out of their way to make abortions less safe or accessible. THAT is amoral, and it is also in crass defiance of a Supreme Court decision.
If Republicans truly want to curtail abortions---and I _do_ believe that there are too many abortions in America---they will figure out ways to give women who were in Rep. Jayapal’s situation support that will make the decision to have children in the face of uncertainty easier. But as they say, the only time Republicans seem to truly support the well-being of children is before they are born.
9
@Bob
It doesn’t matter that you think her abortion was irresponsible and cruel, she didn’t ask your opinion and she didn’t need. It also doesn’t matter that other women in her situation made a different choice, they are not her and are not living her life.
There will always be women who do not want to carry pregnancies and have babies no matter how much support they are given. It is always the chocks of the woman in whose body the embryo/fetus resides.
26
@Bob - I’m always puzzled by the idea that abortion shouldn’t be allowed if the sex was consensual. Consent to sex does not necessarily mean consent to becoming pregnant. I’m guessing that the incidence of recreational sex far exceeds purely procreational sex, even in committed relationships.
17
@Bob - The abortion rate has fallen by 40% in the past decade, probably thanks in large part to the ACA and Medicaid expansion. So why all the sturm and drang NOW?
1
I understand that this is a very complicated matter and no doubt that this congresswomen experienced a very challenging situation. But no one side should be shut down. This congresswomen is taking a radical position by saying ProLife lawmakers have no place in politics. This shows how radical the Democrats have moved from safe, legal and rare to Abortion in demand with no limits. This has been seen by recent radical extreme legislation introduced in states like NY and VA to allow abortion up to the moment of birth, which any sane person would agree is insane. The Democratic party needs to be more inclusive to ProLife people and listen to their input on this sensitive topic. This shouldnt be a partisan issue either.
8
@Brian Malone This should not be a political issue at all. SINCE WHEN do we think politicians can resolve questions about life and death? These are private, spiritual matters.
I want to add, too, that people who think individuals should have the right to choose are not requiring anyone to choose to have an abortion. Those who erroneously call themselves pro-life are insisting that everyone think what they think and believe what they believe and do what they say. There's no conversation possible after that. THIS is why many of us have stopped listening to them.
66
@Brian Malone States like NY, where I live, are not allowing elective abortion up to the moment of birth. That's ludicrous. (Try getting an elective third term abortion for funsies--I doubt you'll find a doctor who will do it.) What it does do is protect the rights of mothers who do need to have an abortion late in pregancy due to either to her health, or to protect her health when a fetus is determined to be non-viable.
54
This only applies to states that believe preventing abortion through sex education and free access to birth control should be a top priority. In states that don't support these efforts, which are typical of the anti-choice southern states, it's all about power and control. Rare only happens when women have unfettered access to birth control.
16
I appreciate more openness about abortion than in the past so that hopefully, there is less secrecy and stigma. However, this entire abortion debate will not bear any compromise or understanding as long as it is framed as a woman's choice vs. an embryo's life. Even though the decision to have an abortion is extremely personal and difficult, it seems to be understood by the opponents as selfish -- an act of convenience. And unfortunately, there are enough women out there who use abortion as a contraception to support this belief. We need to debate family planning and have all women and men have access to contraception. All contraceptive methods should be free. All women and men should be taught to ask themselves when they want to have children and how they plan to take care of them. If we value life so much, we should teach people how to plan creating a life.
184
@Sadie Certainly access to contraception should be improved, but you need to remember that contraception methods can, and do, fail. I don't know about you, but I've not met any woman who uses abortion as birth control.
100
@Sadie
...and then support that life after birth.
Do you actually know how many women use abortion as contraception? Or do you think that is a theoretical bad thing? I met someone who I thought fit into that category, until I learned that she was in an abusive relationship and was unable to access birth control. It’s just impossible to know what each person is facing that leads them to act in a different way than you would.
I have also seen this “convenience” issue brought up time and time again. What is convenient about having an abortion? It is invasive (although not as invasive or dangerous as continuing the pregnancy), expensive, time consuming, potentially stigmatizing. Or are you calling it “convenient” to not have a child? Having a child is an enormous and life-altering decision. I don’t see how “convenience” plays into this at all.
I fully agree with the rest of your comment about increasing planned parenthood.
106
@RMH
"It’s just impossible to know what each person is facing that leads them to act in a different way than you would."
A profoundly true and deceptively simple statement. Thanks for your comment. I almost wish every human had this tattooed across their arm as a continual reminder that the lives of others aren't surmisable from the outside. But people do love to reserve the right to pass judgement on others. I guess it makes some feel powerful in a chaotic world...
46
@Rep. Pramila,
Who paid for all of Janak's neonatal medical care while you were in India?
Who pays for your health insurance now that you are an elected member of Congress?
5
@Aaron If a person has health insurance, he/she is paying for it as a benefit rather than receiving cash money for it. In other words, he/she might receive a lower salary in exchange for health insurance or another benefit.
7
@Aaron
The medical care in India was out of pocket but inexpensive by US standards. It ended up being US $5600 for her son and $1800 for herself.
Source: Diary of a birth
(http://www.icwa.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/PJ-22.pdf)
9
If the child is one person, why refer to it as "their" or "they"? If the child is not male or female, but is "other", why not call it by it's first name? I'm pro "do what is right for you,", but not every abortion is gut-wrenching.
4
Perhaps because her child has asked for that pronoun? Shall she ignore the wishes of her child in service of convincing others that her choice was valid? What kind of mother would she then be?
14
There are repercussions once an abortion has been performed. There are no do overs. I have spoken to women who do regret their abortions and have suffered guilt and agony years later. Those in the pro life movement are quite sympathetic and never judge. Those of us who are parents feel their pain.
We need to continue getting out the message that there is a living human being that the woman
Is carrying in her womb. This is not just a clump of cells to be discarded and thrown away. The unborn have worth and value and be shown respect. When an abortion is performed, that respect is taken away. They are treated like trash which is horrendous.
I will never understand how anyone could ever treat the defenseless unborn in this manner. Today when science and technology have proven there is life in the womb, how can people approve of abortion. Where is their humanity? Where is their conscience? And what about those who perform abortions? How can they look themselves in the mirror after participating in this grisly procedure. I just shake my head and cringe.
5
@KMW You see it as more than a clump if cells, but this is a matter of philosophy. Your philosophy should not decide someone else’s future.
30
But there are also many women who are just fine with abortion and guilty conscience doesn't torture them. Do you want them to be tortured? To feel bad because they chose abortion as a better choice for them at that time? Don't you think it will be cruel?
25
@KMW
Some women do regret having an abortion and some women regret having children. It is not the business of anyone to prevent a person making a decision they regret and it is certainly no the business of the government.
The primary emotion most women feel after abortion is relief.
34
Even so-called “permanent birth control methods” like tubal ligation and vasectomy still have a failure rate (ranging from 1 in 100 to 1 in 500). As a mother who conceived a fifth, extremely high-risk pregnancy, DESPITE her husband’s verified “successful” vasectomy, I can attest that NO birth control method is 100% effective. (And before you ask: the medical conditions that made my pregnancies high risk - and three times nearly cost me my life, while leaving one of my newborn children permanently brain damaged - also absolutely precluded my own ability to undergo tubal ligation or implants). Please do not seek to shame people for somehow “failing” to use birth control appropriately without fully absorbing the truth that NO BIRTH CONTROL METHOD IS EVER ABSOLUTELY EFFECTIVE.
69
A woman's right to choose is common sense, which many American's seem to be lacking these days.
38
Meanwhile, the all-older-white-male city council members of a small town in far east Texas has declared itself a “sanctuary city for the unborn.” Do they actually believe that a city can criminalize abortion? I don’t know. It’s surreal.
20
Alex,
In response to your comment. Yes I have commented many times on the pro life/abortion articles in the New York Times and if the Times allows me will continue to do so. I am in the minority opinion here that abortion is wrong and inhumane. This saddens me greatly.
There is always an innocent victim involved once an abortion is over. It is the unborn in the mother's womb whose life is snuffed out. If these babies could have spoken, what would their opinion be of their victimization. I have met men and women whose mothers were contemplating abortion but decided to give birth. They are so grateful to be alive and have done much for the betterment of society. If they were not here now, it would have been a pity. There are also people alive today due to failed abortions. They too are happy to be living. Abortion is a temporary fix. Women can suffer years later as an after effect of abortion.
I hope the New York Times prints this as my response to you should be allowed. It is not easy going against the liberal tide but I must. I think abortion is the cruelest thing that any child could ever experience. I do hope that abortions are soon a thing of the past and soon. I am thinking of the babies.
5
@KMW When do those "innocent lives" stop being "innocent?" When do you stop fighting for their health and wellbeing? At age 1, age 5, age 18? When do you think they aren't entitled to have clean air, water, housing, food, and basic necessities? I've always been puzzled by those who are thinking of the babies but not of the people those babies will become.
37
@Katrin I find your comment difficult to make sense of - Babies, children, youths, adults, senior citizens have human rights and entitlements. It should not depend on what you can pay or selfishness.
4
There are so many randomness in the birth of particular person, that one factor doesn't make a big difference. Think about how many potentially wonderful and grateful people could developed from each egg if they met spermatozoide at right time. Just think about abortion as egg that didn't meet a mate.
8
Dear Congresswoman Jayapal,
Thank you for being willing to share your powerful and intimate story. May it inspire others to speak out and/or help them to feel less alone with their own stories.
8
Thank you for this. I, too, am proud to be represented by you in Congress.
12
My respect and admiration for Rep. Jayapal only grows with this new information. Than you for being vulnerable, for speaking your truth, and for telling your extremely personal story in an effort to shed light on the importance of a woman's right to her own body.
No abortion decision is made lightly. Women's lives are at stake; family fates are at stake. Thank you for speaking up.
18
Thank you for sharing your touching story.
12
So moving. So touching. So brave.
9
Thank you, Congresswoman Jayapal, for this powerful and personal, very personal essay. In it you said:
"For me, terminating my pregnancy was not an easy choice, but it was my choice. That is the single thing that has allowed me to live with the consequences of my decisions."
Having the choice, making that choice with consideration of others, making that choice even though is was very difficult, is the central idea of humans acting in a democracy-- the capacity to have choice. People must not give the ability to choose away. Never.
27
And, just for the record, the Guttmacher Institute estimates that approximately one in three American women alive today who are of child-bearing age and older have had an abortion one way or the other during their lifetimes. Or, using an indisputable statistic, there have been a recorded average total of over 600,000 abortions in the United States every year since 1970, which adds up to 30 million over fifty years. So, is our country going to say that this number of women, not to mention the men involved, are guilty of dreadful crimes? No. They are you, me, our friends and relatives, and fellow citizens regardless of political, religious, ethnic or other identifiers.
43
This is a moving, thoughtful and brave piece. Unfortunately "pro-lifers" don't care what the circumstances of women are. For them it is a black and white issue. In my experience, no amount of discussion of the complexities of pregnancy are convincing. Nor do I believe anyone needs to be convinced of what is a private issue. That said, I respect representative Jaypal's choice to share her deeply personal experience, and I am glad she and Janak are thriving.
16
The whole issue is that pro-life people do not believe it is a private issue. They believe that the unborn child’s life matters. It has it’s own heart, it’s own brain, and it’s own nervous system. And around 24 weeks it can survive on it’s own. As a society, why should we ever allow an abortion that late when the woman could have a c-section (which is safer) and give the child a fighting chance to survive?
2
@LJIS
unless the baby is actively "killing" the mother then the baby has a right to life. but once the baby is definitely "killing " her then her life is in danger and you would HAVE TO end the pregnancy.
1
@Matt Matt, where is your evidence that a c-section is ever safer than an abortion at any stage of a pregnancy. If the pregnancy is advanced enough and a c-section is safe for the mother and the fetus is alive and healthy enough to survive, then the woman and her doctors are legally obligated to do the c-section. Otherwise, it should be her choice and hers alone. I.e., not yours. And definitely not your "society's."
3
Powerful stuff, and kudos to Rep. Jayapal for the bravery to write about this. It won't, however, make the tiniest dent in the opinions of the extreme right politicians and activists who seem to draw energy by denying this right to women. I sometimes think these hard-right red states will ultimately be populated only by pickup-truck driving men waving confederate flags -- and women past child-bearing age.
12
Thank you, Rep. Jayapal, for representing my home state, and for sharing your story.
9
The majority of women (over 60%) who get abortions are already mothers. They know how wonderful having a baby can be. But they also know exactly what pregnancy entails -- medically, physically, financially. They are making informed decisions. We should trust them.
118
Only one word.
Remarkable account.
Remarkable person.
This tells all pro-lifers, evangelicals and fundamentalists of all kind how humane and responsible women who go through abortion are.
Thank you.
18
That’s four words.
Not everyone who is pro-life is is a fundamentalist. I’m an atheist living in New York City and believe that all human life is precious and should be cherished. The unborn child has a right to live and that right is the most fundamental one we have. Women should have a choice and that should be to give the child up for adoption or have a c-section if they don’t want to take it to term.
4
@vincent7520
i am a pro-lifer and in this case if it would have definitely been a life threatening situation to her then they would have to abort. but im not sure it would have DEFINITELY been a case where her life was in danger at that point of pregnancy
I don't understand why women should not have the right to refuse to donate her body to other human being. We are not force people to give blood to save other people. We are not disassemble the corpses for organs to save other people lives, but we should be OK with women's body being used without permission for 9 months?
12
I have the utmost respect for Ms. Jayapal coming forward to share her story. Once again, it's on the woman to come forward to share these intimate details and emotions in an attempt to sway male-dominated legislatures from taking away our right to choose what we can do with our bodies. The degradation isn't letting up.
When are we going to hear from the congressmen who paid for their mistresses' abortions? Crickets.
29
@cece I'd like to see an Op-Ed about abortion from a man whose spouse, girlfriend, mother, mistress, etc. had one. You see it in these comments occasionally but the writer only has limited space to express themselves. Abortion issues affect men too.
1
@ms Unfortunately, it's the woman's story to tell--or not.
Thank you Representative Jayapal. You continue to lead with grace and courage.
14
Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience. I hope that others will read it, take this seriously, and help safeguard every woman's right to make this choice herself.
13
Thank you for sharing your story and your commitment to women's autonomy and constitutional rights. You are a true leader. We are lucky to have you in Congress.
15
It seems to me the mostly middle-aged and older white lawmakers in the Southern states that have moved to outlaw abortion have a stereotypical view of women who choose abortion: perhaps they think of irresponsible teenagers, or poor black and white women. In any case, women they believe they have a right to dictate to. I think it’s beyond their empathy and imagination to think of all the millions of nuanced, individual life circumstances like Jaypal’s that lead a woman to choose abortion. Even if they had broad imaginations, their hearts will remain mean and small and their will to power over women enormous.
23
The Guardian ran an article recently that stated that many abortions are elected by mothers (and not just single women). It was good to hear this story from you, a mother. Thank you.
17
Just like with #metoo, women should not have to publicly disclose their most private secrets but I am grateful for their voices. I have a few friends who have had abortions and while it was always heart wrenching, it was done for good reason and they have no regrets. Let’s focus on the really impactful issues in the country and not on enforcing extreme religious beliefs upon these poor women for jesus points.
30
Okay Bernie Bros, this is on you. After all, ten percent of you voted for Trump. Many others voted third party. Many others just stayed home. Of course, you couldn't find it in your "conscience" to vote for Hillary.
Well, what about the millions of young women, very much like Ms. Jayapal, who will now be forced to bear children despite their very efforts to avoid such pregnancies? Will any of these women be on your "conscience" now? Because they should be.
But I know they won't. Because it was never about anybody else but you. Those of you who didn't vote for Hillary knew you had no skin in the game. As men, your lives would be virtually unchanged under a Trump presidency. You'd never have to give birth after contraception failed, or after you'd been raped, or because your lives are in danger.
So actually, you had no one on your "conscience" when you cast your selfish votes. And now because of you, women will bleed to death in back alley abortions, as they did fifty years ago when I was a young adult. Their "crime"?
To try to do what is best for their families.
But you didn't think about any of this, did you? Because it would never happen to you. Well, let's hope you've grown up in the past few years, or at least in time to see Roe v Wade reversed, because it will be. And then where will you take your precious "conscience", every time you read a story like Ms. Jayapal's? Because if none of this was ever on your "conscience", you've never had one.
72
I’m confused, did she have twins?
13
@Robert
Her child is gender non-conforming, and therefore she uses a gender-neutral pronoun in place of him/her.
16
@Robert I believe she is using a gender-neutral term for her child, who does not appear to identify with either a "his" or "her" pronoun.
11
@ac Does language have no meaning anymore? In the age of Trump, now more than ever (read 1984) we need language to mean what it means.
11
Bless you for sharing.
12
Thank you for sharing your intimate story of hope and loss. Stories make a difference and the bravery of women speaking their truths is what we need even more in the fight to maintain autonomy of mind and body. Rarely will they change someone’s religious conviction, but it’s worth a shot to put this topic into context of real life situations, not just imaginary scenarios and false information.
11
Thank you for sharing. I know how hard it was. We must protect the rights of the less fortunate. One must walk in the shoes to understand.
12
Pramila Jayapal: THANK YOU. Heart rendering.
There was a time not long ago when my comments - saying I was deeply grateful to family planning for enabling my three abortions- at a time in my life when I was young, silly and would have been the worst of mothers.
And now I am an environmentalist, mother of two, and desperate to save the world from overpopulation. THANK YOU again for the courage to publish this.
26
This is a deeply moving and powerful piece. I join others in thanking Representative Jayapal for sharing. I especially like her emphasis on the personal nature of this difficult choice, and that not everyone will come to the same decision. The importance is that the choice remain with the woman. Many women in states that are passing abortion bans will face similar circumstances as Jayapal describes. They deserve elected leaders who will be empathetic and compassionate to leave the choice with them.
21
Thank you. Brave and self disclosing. Such a generous thing to give. I hope your husband, child and step child are proud of your generous grace and their support.
11
Superbly written. As one who witnessed first hand the fatal outcomes of criminal abortions before legalization, I pray your voice and those of others are listened to---compassionately, dispassionately, and rationally.
28
Although she does not represent my district, Rep. Jayapal is from my state and there is not a representative I am prouder of even before her decision to go public about her abortion. She is truly the kind of honorable and honest person I believe we should be electing to every office available.
14
I am grateful Jayapal shared her story.
I am concerned, however, that every time someone shares a story about how wrenching their decision was, it just give fuel to those who argue that every fetus is sacred and therefore abortion is murder. In addition to stories like Jayapal's, I'd also like to hear from women for whom abortion decision was a snap. In fact, most women I know who have had abortions feel into the latter category. The decision was easy and no regrets.
16
@Syliva
So your concern is that if a woman admits the moral weight of having an abortion, admits that it is a heart-wrenching rather than a casual decision, it will give fuel to the other side?
I would argue the complete opposite: NOT admitting how profound a decision to have an abortion is, that it is a "snap," or something which some ghoulishly "shout out" is EXACTLY what helps make the pro-choice side look so callous, blind, amoral and selfish.
As someone who is strongly pro-choice, I don't want to live in a world where having an abortion is a easy as trimming one's toenails. I expect you wouldn't either.
3
Having a miscarriage at 7-8 weeks, I was relieved. In that I did not want another child. Due to previous fertility problems actually getting pregnant was truly a surprise. Our child was almost 8 years old. When I realized I was pregnant, I did think of a abortion. But nature took care of it for me.
14
I found Rep Jayapal account very jarring. Not because of their abortion but because of their use of pronouns. Using their, they, and them instead of he, him, his, she, her, or hers sacrificed clarity for inclusiveness. At first I thought they and their partner had twins. Then I realized that they were not using gendered pronouns. When they went to the emergency room I was not certain if they were using they singularly or plurally. I was confused when they wrote we. If they were using they singularly was we also meant to be singular also like the royal we? Their account was an important addition to the discussion about abortion but their use of pronouns made it hard to understand exactly what they meant at times.
22
@Ozymandias It was easy to get the gist of this courageous op-ed and I suggest you calm down about the pronouns.
64
@Ozymandias
I assume Jayapal used "they" because her now-grown child identifies that way, and prefers the pronoun "they".
40
@Ozymandias Rep Jaypal's child has requested to be known by a pronoun that is not gender specific. The Representative is respecting her child's wishes with the use of they.
35
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. Every voice supporting freedom of choice is crucial right now. It took guts to write this and I appreciate it very much.
16
Rep. Jayapal, thank you for sharing your personal story. Our body. Our choice.
19
Anti-choice groups to me are totalitarian groups in that they are trying to impose their will on others. In college, my roommate was also my best friend. We were on directly opposite sides of the abortion debate. She was a devout Christian and opposed abortion. I was (and am) agnostic and felt all women should have a choice. She had irregular periods and became pregnant a few years after graduation, while in grad school. She went ahead with the pregnancy despite knowing it would be a struggle to be a single parent. The father did not want to get married or be in a committed relationship but willingly provided funds for the child's care regularly. I would visit her occasionally and we would talk about her circumstances: I respected her for following through with her values. The point is this though: we never felt the need to impose our own values on the other person's.
35
there is no such thing as an "unborn child". A child is the result of a live birth. Until then there is an ovum, a zygote, an embryo, a fetus.
26
@Matt I am a physician. Many states already rules in place heavily restricting abortions beyond 24 weeks. It is well known that beyond 6 months, the babies can survive outside the womb on their own.
When abortions are done in the weeks beyond 24, these are often extenuating circumstances. The babies involved may not survive outside the womb of it they can, they are often so medically incapacitated that they don't survive for long and during that time, often suffer from pain or other symptoms. Adoption is not the foremost consideration., in addition to which many adoptive parents do not want to take children who are medically incapacitated/ developmentally delayed even if they do survive for years.
31
Speaking as a pediatrician, allow me to clarify. For the mother, an abortion is always safer than a c section. A first trimester abortion is safer than a term pregnancy. That’s not even the point.
The author’s brief description of this baby’s extrauterine life from an early gestational age to term leaves out the many times a decision must be made about how to proceed with care. This includes deciding how much suffering this baby must endure over several months and how aggressive to be. Do you imagine that parents don’t ever make these decisions once a baby is born?
10
Thank you for speaking about this publicly. You're right, it is deeply personal and you shouldn't have to. But considering how important it is that women in power speak out, tell their stories, and stand up for the right to choose, I am deeply grateful that you did.
12
For some reason I am not moved at all by this story. I guess because I am aware of other women and young girls that have endured much more tragic and life altering circumstances when it comes to abortion or the lack of access to one. Not being a politician bars them from the type platform the NYT has afforded Ms. Jayapal to share their stories. Many of these women have chosen not to share such personal stories but keep them to themselves, and are fighting on the frontlines for equal rights for all that are not gender based. Pass the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution. This is something that Ms. Jayapal could do for the voiceless women and others in our country.
4
@Carol I'm bothered by your resentment. Pramila Jayapal's political power has enabled her to write an op-ed that will help others who believe in freedom of choice. Why would it upset you that after working incredibly hard to get to where she is now, she is using her platform to speak up about something deeply personal in order to support a cause so many believe in?
47
Where did she say she resented anything? She just said she was unmoved. Please resist the urge to reframe someone’s comments when it is likely she shares your beliefs on this issue.
3
@Andrea P.
Washington State ratified the ERA in 1973. The work that still needs to be done is on a local level in the states that haven’t. why are you criticizing the author?
Also, the sharing of personal stories is one way in which women like the author can support women who are less powerful. Bringing the reality of why women have abortions helps every other woman, including the less powerful
8
Remember that Ms. Jayapal also said, "[t]here are . . . stories that are not traumatic at all — just the free exercise of a protected constitutional right."
Ms. Jayapal's story is tragic, but, at the end of the day, she is not just advocating for the right to abortion in tragic circumstances such as hers. Abortion should be unequivocally available in the first trimester.
16
I am very sorry about the suffering Pramila Jayapal had to endure with her pregnancy and am glad her son is doing so well today. The majority of abortions are performed on healthy babies because the mother does not want to be inconvenienced. It is either her right to control her body or it is her decision and only hers alone to make. There is absolutely no regard or concern for the unborn child she is carrying in her womb. How atrocious to think her rights are more important than those of her baby. She is taking the life of an innocent child. This is an outrage and extremely selfish.
5
@KMW
The majority of abortions happen in the first trimester, so no, they are not done on healthy babies.
47
KMW, a flat tire is an inconvenience. A child that must be carried in the womb, greatly affects the mother’s body (and mind), and requires at least 18 years of care, expense and rearing is not a little inconvenience.
55
@KMW I've seen you post similar comments in response to other NYT articles on this subject. I can't help but feel that you are repeatedly blaring the same uninformed opinions without actually reading the articles.
For example, Rep Jayapal has nothing but regard and concern for her unborn child, she writes that "[her] baby could suffer the serious, sometimes fatal consequences of extreme prematurity". Just because she also considers the also potentially fatal impact on her own body does not mean she thinks her rights are more important.
Also, she is also not taking the life of an innocent child or human baby. It is a fetus. You frequent these columns enough to have read other readers' comments re: correct terminology, medical descriptions of when brain structures develop, etc. If you haven't, I suggest you do.
47
The people who want to criminalize abortion have no respect for a woman's choice.
If they thought abortion was so wrong, then they would be in favor of programs proven to decrease unwanted pregnancy: real sex ed and birth control availability. Instead, they are opposed to those things.
They are also opposed to providing decent medical care, child care, and quality education to babies born into low-income families.
They don't care about the kids, abut the women, and certainly not about respecting women's choices.
This is about the patriarchy keeping its power. This is about keeping women down, and one tool for achieving that goal, is to take away their health care rights and choices.
It should be obvious by these people's support of Donald Trump that they're complete hypocrites. So this is very compelling, and brave, but they still won't care.
55
@Ann
You forgot that if they cared, there would be mandatory paid maternal leave.
And they wouldn't divert TARF funds for pro-life issues.
9
Thank you for sharing your personal story of abortion. Many of us have stood at these crossroads, a place of having to decide if our circumstances will allow us to responsibly continue a pregnancy. Each of us determines our own best answer. None of us can be certain about the future, but some of us know that, right now, we do not have the required resources to raise a child. It's easy to have a black or white pro-choice belief, but what do you do when you have a baby you can't feed, can't afford child care, can't depend upon the father? What if you're a child having a child? What if this pregnancy was forced upon you by a rapist or because you were forced into incest? Men who create these sick laws that say you can't end a pregnancy no matter what are themselves sick.
23
I admire Rep. Jayapal for courageously telling her story and standing up for women's rights! It's a pity that such courage is so rare in Washington, which is filled with sniveling political cowards, glad-handing car salesmen, and ideologues all-too-ready to foist their morality on others.
8
@Chris Rasmussen
“sniveling political cowards, glad-handing car salesmen, and ideologues all-too-ready to foist their morality on others.”
Chris, it’s not Their morality they’re foisting. They’re foisting the pseudo Christian morality they think will get them votes. Their personal morality seems to be quite different in many cases - re bribes, infidelity, lies, abortion, etc.
1
Pregnant people? Only women can get pregnant. These decisions are about women's rights and women's rights only. Oh, and Congresswoman Jayapal had a son. It is proper English to use "he, him, his" not the plural "they, their, theirs". I kept reading this asking if she had given birth to twins.
11
@Krista
Rep Jaypal's child has asked to be known by non-gendered pronouns and as a mother she is respecting that request.
14
@Krista
Perhaps her son has indicated that he prefers a non-binary pronoun. Regardless, it comes as no surprise that the same people who give agency to a fetus happily deny living children the right to identify as they choose.
11
@Krista Update yourself. "They" is commonly accepted now as a gender neutral pronoun.
4
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for working to ensure the reproductive rights of all people. And thank you for using inclusive pronouns.
16
No regrets about my abortion. Ever.
But maybe if
1) We had true gender equality in this country where my male partner equally shared parenting responsibilities without resentment
2) I had access to quality, affordable childcare
3) My family, including my children had affordable health care (or universal free healthcare for children)
4) There was adequate parental leave for both parents in the US
5) There was affordable college in the future for my children 6) The middle class wasn't being eroded since my childhood
I most likely would have kept that unexpected pregnancy.
91
Your story makes clear to me yet again why it is that the government has no business in my bedroom, my doctors office, or my spiritual beliefs nor in anyone else's. Unless my actions could cause harm someone else then it is my business alone. Monty Python sang it best as a parody "Every Sperm is Sacred". Free or subsidized birth control including first trimester abortions and later abortions if medically necessary should be provided. If you don't want an abortion feel free not to have one.
21
Thank you for sharing your story. Making the choice to have an abortion is not easy or without consequences for any woman. Therefore, we should not question the whys but allow all women to choose what's best for them in their particular circumstance, always, always, always.
8
First, we should thank Representative Jayapal for sharing her very personal story. Given her situation, an abortion was in order, but I do not believe her case is the model for all. Her health and personal well being were at risk. However, I do not believe that most abortions are done in response to a similar need: I believe most are done to end the inconvenient results of an uncontrollable need for immediate physical gratification. I support abortion on the grounds of protecting a woman’s health or terminating the development of fetus showing signs of serious life threating conditions. However, my support for abortion has evolved to include terminating the pregnancies of those who will bear children into a less than optimal social and economic milieu. For that reason, I support the repeal of the Hyde Amendment, not out of any support of women’s liberation or so-called “reproductive rights,” but the sake of children, to spare them from being born into poverty. Thank you
4
@Southern Boy
Thank you for writing this. We rarely agree, but it’s obvious that you have thought about this. It is sad to see actual, born Children that live lives of despair, and yet there are people that choose that, for THEM. My Mother was the eldest of 15 Children, and never got over it. It really limited HER options, and her Life.
11
@Southern Boy
So if her case isn't the model for all, what is? What about when your girlfriend had an abortion? That was acceptable to you, but now no one else can avail themselves of their right to control their own body?
"However, I do not believe that most abortions are done in response to a similar need: I believe most are done to end the inconvenient results of an uncontrollable need for immediate physical gratification. "
Is that what happened when you knocked up your girlfriend and she had an abortion? You just couldn't control yourself? What a low view of intimacy and human relationships you have.
6
I appreciate your frankness about what had to have been a traumatic decision for you. People who oppose abortion often make the mistake of thinking that all women who select this reproductive option are doing so cavalierly and don’t care about the life they must know their terminating. They refuse to acknowledge the humanity in the choice of women who decide to abort, so they demonize them, thus making it easier—in their minds—to take away what they must know is/should be a fundamental right, to decide what happens to your body. Also, demonizing or dehumanizing a woman makes it easier to see her as property, which is what women were considered until they got the right to vote through the passage of the 19th Amendment.
10
Congressswoman Pramila Jayapal's story illustrates the extreme thought that goes into a decision on ending pregnancy . Thank you for sharing this.
12
Thank you for sharing your story. Every woman should have the choice you exercised. Trust women.
20
Mostly white male politicians think it is OK for THEM to discuss the most personal matters of women--namely what happens inside a uterus. So why is it degragading for women to tell it like it really is? The whole point is that all those male politicians are entitled not to have abortions themselves--but it certainly is unseemly at best and totally disrespectful to not only talk, but also scream at women and pass legislation that interferes in our personal lives.
28
@KT
We all came out of a uterus- even us men. It may not be fair, but we all have a say about what goes on there.
1
@Greg
I’ve been to a military base so I know about and can make decisions about what happens there.
There are arguments that support the involvement of men in this decision but the one you used is not one of them.
13
@Greg
Actually, it may seem unfair to you, but no you don’t. Until you can figure out how to get a fetus into you, it is not your body doing the work. Come back when you can get pregnant.
4
Ms. Jayapal doesn’t mention at what stage in her pregnancy she decided to terminate her pregnancy. That’s a critical piece of (missing) information. As Mr. Thomas Edsall showed in one of his recent Upshot columns, the majority of Americans support unrestricted abortion rights during the first trimester, but oppose late-term abortions. In other words, a majority of Americans support Roe v Wade, which does exactly that.
In contrast, the fringes consist of ultraconservatives who are opposed to abortion at any time following conception and ultraliberals who want abortion rights right up to the point of birth.
No points for guessing which camp Ms. Jayapal is in. Which is why she conveniently left out of this editorial the stage of her pregnancy in which she made her decision to terminate it. It’s almost certain she made the decision early in her pregnancy, when she benefited from RvW’s standards and in the window that most Americans support unrestricted abortion rights in.
One last thing : I sympathize with Ms. Jayapal’s using ‘they” when she refers to her child, who she has previously identified as gender-nonconforming. But her language is exceedingly clunky. There has to be a better way to modify the English language to accommodate gender nonconformity. Asking the 99+% of the population who aren’t gender nonconforming to change the way they use the plural isn’t going to happen. Stop trying.
6
@Shiv "Asking the 99+% of the population who aren't gender non-conforming to change the way they use the plural isn't going to happen. Stop trying."
It happens every day and no I won't stop doing it as a basic act of respect for others :) I'm a hotline operator and it is not at any cost to me to refer to someone as they ought to be referred to, by their name and correct gender pronouns.
However, I also do wish there was another option than they. Something like ze/zer/zers would be cool. But this wouldn't be for the sake of people who aren't gender-nonconforming and complain about how "hard" it must be for them to respect someone. It's for the children who call us up crying because people would rather sweep them under the rug than validate them as the beautiful human beings they are.
6
@Shiv I beleive her point is that it doesn't matter at what point she terminated the pregnancy.
9
@Shiv
If you've ever known someone who had to make the excruciating decision to have a late-term abortion, you'd know that it is not an ultra-liberal position to support access to such a procedure. Anecdotally speaking, the two women I know who found themselves in that untenable position had already decorated a nursery, had already chosen names, and had already informed family. The reasons behind their decisions is not my story to tell, but I can at least convey that it was _not_ a choice they ever wanted to make. Both women _wanted_ to go to term.
The problem with the perspective of any American, like yourself, who feels there should be limits on abortion after the first trimester simply don't understand the complicated nature of pregnancy or are willfully ignorant of the fact that most women who find themselves in a position considering abortion after the first trimester are _not_ using it as a form of birth control, but rather facing something much more ominous that warrants the consideration of an abortion in the first place.
I'd prefer we look at it like this...would you want a group of strangers forcing you to suffer death or potential life-long complications because they disagreed with your philosophy on, say, chemotherapy? Seems rather ridiculous, right? And so is the straw-man, red-herring argument against abortions after the first trimester.
38
I am proud you represent me in Congress.
9
This is remarkable for a number of reasons:
1. A sitting member of Congress writes candidly of her abortion.
2. She refers to her child as "they," acknowledging a child who may be LGBTQX in a respectful way.
3. She says "people who are pregnant," acknowledging that not all pregnant people identify as women, and perhaps most remarkably, pregnant women are people too.
My deepest gratitude to Congresswoman Jayapal.
198
THIS is what it’s all about. I had one child, a Daughter born at 26 weeks. Weight: 2 lbs. 14 oz.. She spent two entire months in the Hospital, until the day she weighed exactly five pounds and was discharged. I had a very complicated and life threatening pregnancy, despite prior “ excellent “ health. At around 23 weeks I very suddenly developed pre-eclampsia, and was immediately hospitalized. I had no idea how ill I really was, it was kept from me, to reduce stress. After being hospitalized, constantly monitored and approximately 6 amniocentesis tests, it was suddenly a “ GO “. Emergency C-section. My symptoms resolved very soon, I went home after only a few days, with only vague warnings to “ be careful “ with future pregnancies.
Fast forward 10 whole years. Birth Control Fail. You had better believe that I had an Abortion, as soon as I could make arrangements. I was very lucky the first time, and didn’t really have a clue about my near death experience. Once was enough.
Women risk their lives every single day, from pregnancy and childbirth. WE should always be able to assume that risk, or NOT. Thank you for writing this, it matters and is important.
1255
@Phyliss Dalmatian
Thank you, Phyliss, for sharing YOUR story, too. Every single story matters. Every single story is fraught with its own complexities. That's why this absolutely necessary procedure must be kept legal, accessible, and safe for every woman, whether she chooses to avail herself of it. I'm glad you survived. Keep talking.
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@Phyliss Dalmatian
I went into pregnancy healthy and expecting a good outcome. EACH of my three pregnancies culminated in complications and emergency in the deliveries that were not predictable. I only grasped the gravity in hindsight even though I have some unrelated background in healthcare. (Neither did my husband, at the time, nor other family, to this day, understand what happened each time and that both myself and my child were variously in serious danger each time). Yes, healthcare providers can communicate in unclear ways and are often providing those vague post-natal instructions when women are in a compromised state and least able to assimilate the information... What happens to a women's body and health in pregnancy and childbirth is unpredictable and can only be understood in the first person, and so it follows without question that decisions regarding each woman's body can only be made by her. There is no middle ground on this issue for me. Thanks for sharing your story.
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@Phyliss Dalmatian
I had pre-eclampsia with my son at 30 weeks. It nearly killed both of us. He is now 24 and 6'3"! I have PTSD from the whole experience, the birth itself, 2 months in the NICU, well you know what I'm talking about. I didn't become pregnant again, but had I there is no doubt or debate, I would have terminated the pregnancy.
189
Rep. Jayapal I can empathize with you. I too had an emergency c-section due to toxemia and my son was born at 1 lb 14 oz. That was the hardest time of my life. My son survived and is fine, thank goodness. Shortly thereafter I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder, and although I wanted more children, I was told it would be a high risk pregnancy. Fortunately for me, I did not have to ultimately face the choice you did. I totally respect each woman's right to choose for herself.
691
@Sandy
Thank you, Sandy, for telling your story. Keep talking! And be well.
26
I am very proud that you are my representative in Congress. On this issue, and on so many others, you are a true leader, through compassion. Keep up the excellent work.
823
@Ispeakforthetrees Me too! I love her!
29
@Ispeakforthet
I second your statement. Rep. Jayapal, Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. I am also proud that you represent my home state of Washington. God bless you and your family.
23
@Matt If you're against abortion, don't have one. Why do you and others feel you have the right to interfere with women's medical decisions? You are completely off base.
24
I appreciate Ms. Jayapal's column on at least two levels:
a.) she stands up for the right of the woman to decide whether or not to carry another person inside her, while b.) not looking away from or denying the fact that such a decision indeed involves more than just life and body of the woman.
262
This is a false choice. If a pregnant woman chooses to not take a child to term, she can have an immediate c-section which is safer for her and would give the child a chance to survive and be adopted and live.
3
@Matt the point is, that’s her choice, not yours. when you are in this situation, feel free to choose that.
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@Matt "If a pregnant woman chooses to not take a child to term, she can have an immediate c-section which is safer for her and would give the child a chance to survive and be adopted and live."
An "immediate" c-section? At what point does the immediacy kick in? After gestating the fetus for 20+ weeks?
Your claim that c-section is safer for the mother is patently false. According to a March 2014 consensus statement by the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), there are ~4 deaths per 100,000 women after vaginal deliveries and ~13 deaths per 100,000 women after cesareans. Severe complications like bleeding and infections are also more common with c-sections – 9.2% vs about 8.6% of women after vaginal births.
These facts are easily obtainable. Please educate yourself before wading into a debate about women's healthcare. Or better yet, let women and their doctors determine how to proceed with medical decisions that affect a woman's body.
232
I simply do not understand how or why people can discuss their most personal details in a public forum.
It is, quite simply, the measure of our degradation as a society.
4
@vbering
I disagree. The writer's aim is to teach others what her experience taught her, to share facts, reasons and emotions with others so that they may be more tolerant and understanding.
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@vbering
I completely disagree with you. How can we seek first to understand if no one's sharing their stories. Ms. Jayapal is brave and I'm grateful for her voice and the voice of all women who've shared their story.
This is a complex issue and warrants great consideration. Let's move beyond the politics and religion and have a serious conversation.
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@vbering
In a normal world, there would be no question why people unveil their personal difficulties would find the courage to go public with any kind of personal difficulty. Obviously, it comes from an inner drive to help others facing similar circumstances.
But this is the Trump world, and I say this with all due respect to your opinions. If you have to raise a question like this, you have a lot to learn about being a productive member of our society.
36
Abortion needs no justification. Abortion needs no reason. Abortions stories do not need to be told. We do not need others to concede that we probably did the right thing.
Legal and unrestricted abortion is a requirement for women to have equality and sovereignty over our bodies.
69
Even under Roe v. Wade, the state has a compelling interest in protecting life at viability (~22 weeks at time of Roe). That is, the state can strictly limit the procedure in the name of protecting the child. Now, however, it seems that anyone who suggests that another person/life is involved is deemed a misogynist or part of a "war against women", no matter at what stage of the pregnancy or the reason for the abortion. It seems like the pendulum has swung to full celebration of abortion or nothing else. That is unfortunate and unfair to those of us who hold more nuanced views. I've suggested something along the lines of what most European countries allow--first trimester abortions aren't limited but later abortions generally require medical basis. Even that is labeled as a tool to oppress women. If the only options are (1) abortion on demand at any time for any reason or (2) outlaw abortion, you've lost the vast majority of Americans.
6
@James --what you describe is generally what most people support. I don't see a "celebration of abortion" anywhere. Rather, people speak out to say why their abortion was a good decision because the right to seek an abortion is under threat. That does not mean it is a celebratory view of it, rather a celebration of the life that having an abortion allowed them to have.
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@James
It is easier to get an abortion in the first trimester in Europe because all of those countries fund the procedure in full or part. We don't do that here in the US, and we burden clinics with ridiculous requirements which has forced closings. So, as women are forced to try to cobble together funding, the procedure gets pushed later and later -- and the cost goes up. If we want to follow the European example, we need to boost access -- meaning more than one clinic in a state, and full or partial funding.
105
Your's is truly a touching story. Your experience mirrors my daughter-in-laws with their first child. However, I don't think these are the abortions that people revile. I have 2 children. Birth control worksd for us. It will for most people. Why women would choose to subject their bodies to the trauma of abortion is beyond me. There are alternatives.
5
@Daisy22: That's great birth control never failed on you. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It's like saying you've never been in a car accident, so it shouldn't happen to other people either.
157
@Daisy22 Birth control failed for us twice. First, an IUD, second, the Pill. I have two amazing daughters that I wouldn't trade for anything. Even though we couldn't really afford kids in either situation, abortion was never an option for us. We had a strong family support system, and we worked it out. We were _very_ lucky. Many women, and families, are not so lucky. I know a few.
And not once, in the 20 years since my first daughter was born, did I _ever_ feel so self-righteous, or so entitled, or so arrogant as to believe I had _any_ right whatsoever to dictate to another human being what they could or could not do in their own lives with their own pregnancies. It's not your place to sit and wonder why another woman chooses something different from you. It's not your place to suggest alternatives. Unless you're footing the bill for the delivery and the ensuing 18 years...quite frankly, it's none of your concern whatsoever.
410
@Daisy22 I chose an abortion because the trauma of childbirth and recovery (having had 2 traumatic births prior) were more than my body, marraige, and family could bear. The abortion was trauma-free and I am so greatful for this important medical procedure.
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Thank you for sharing the story of your first child and your difficult decision. My first child was also very premature, was very sick, and came away with serious/multiple disabilities. I share your PTSD. Congratulations on your child’s graduation!
10
I have several questions:
1. If the author and her husband knew they did not wish to have more children, why didn’t she have her tubes tied and /or why didn’t he have a vasectomy, rather than risk becoming pregnant. I fully understand why a woman might wish not to have a(mother) child but do not understand why such women do not avail themselves of available means to preclude that possibility, rather than terminating a life after it has been conceived.
2. Why does the author refer to “pregnant people”?
3. Why does the author studiously and awkwardly avoid using singular pronouns for her child?
The latter two points were distracting from her otherwise passionate argument.
3
@LD 1. Not sure but the point is she hadn't, and choosing to terminate the pregnancy follows what made sense for her.
2. Not all people who are pregnant identify as women, not all women can get pregnant.
3. I'm not sure why gender neutral pronouns were used in this case, but generally everyone should pivot towards gender neutral pronouns when they can/feel inclined.
10
@LD 1. She wrote that she and her husband eventually did want a child, but they weren't yet ready for a child for several reasons when she conceived. That's why they weren't using a more permanent form of contraception.
2. Not all pregnant people identify as women.
3. I believe her child is gender nonconforming.
16
@LD
As another person stated above, "they" and "their" are pronouns often used by those who identify as non-binary gender, i.e. not male or female.
And if you read carefully, Rep. Jayapal states she didn't know with certainty if she would choose to have another child at some point in the future, but that at the time she became pregnant, she was not fully healed and her child was young and had special needs; further, tubes tied/vasectomy are not risk-free procedures.
11
If a woman is certain that she does not want more children (or children at all) , she should have a tubal ligation. If a man is certain that he does not want more children (or children at all), he should have a vasectomy. It surprises me that more people don’t take a course of action that is more effective in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
3
@Mary Please note that tubal ligations are not 100% effective. https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/tubal-ligation/about/pac-20388360
11
@Mary You cannot necessarily get a doctor to perform these procedures unless you are a certain age...when a young man I know tried at age 30, he was refused by two doctors. And I worked with a young woman whose obstetrician refused to tie her tubes after her second child because he said she was under 40 and might change her mind.
20
@Mary
I recently took care of a patient who came in requesting an abortion even though her husband hadn’t had a vasectomy and she had had a tubal ligation. Incredibly unlucky. I also believe that it’s ok for people to choose not to have surgery if they’re don’t want it. IUDs are actually more effective than tubal ligations and less invasive.
This is the problem with people with no medical knowledge assuming that they know enough to make laws for other people.
15
Thank you for sharing.
Thank you equally for understanding how your voice can and should be employed to ensure other women have control. It hardly needs saying that we are living in dark times, with fascism on the march, in America. Speaking up, speaking out, is a patriotic duty. Salut!
8
Thank you for sharing your story.
8
Her story, touching as it is, represents only a tiny percentage of the abortions performed in this country. Most are done for the convenience of the man who doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with a child and of the mother who regrets her decision to be intimate with that same man. So it adds little to the abortion debate.
2
@ehillesum - Please provide the source for this assertion.
23
@ehillesum
I’m not sure how carrying, delivering, and raising a child counts as an “inconvenience”. It is a major life-altering decision, and I respect people who take that decision seriously at every stage.
13
@ehillesum Why should you get to declare others' reasons for having a medical procedure valid or invalid?
11
Thank you so much for this poignant sharing of your experience.
18
Every single human life is vulnerable to suffering. I respect that this mother’s decision was thoughtful and heart wrenching. I also believe that the conception and gestation of human life is a privilege, not an entitlement. If we are not prepared to accept the potential difficulties of pregnancy and motherhood in the 21st century we have the option of abstinence, tubal ligation or vasectomy. I reject the idea that anyone, even a mother, has an innate right to choose life or death for another human being on a case by case basis. What about cases where the impact of potential suffering is only realized at birth? Is it justified to end the vulnerable life then?
1
@FNL you get to make the decision to give birth for yourself and no one else- what an amazing concept. Tubal ligation and vasectomy are expensive. Perhaps, since this seem to be an argument people like to make, you could spend your time working toward free health care for all that includes full coverage for reliable forms of birth control (IUD, vasectomy and tubal ligation). It might be a great place to start the conversation.
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@FNL Life is messy dude. Sometimes we aren't prepared. Sometimes stuff doesn't happen according to the timeline and thought process of how you or I think it should. We need to trust that women to make decisions about bodies, their families, their lives, their fertility and their potential children.
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@FNL
There are many reasons, personal and different for each woman as to why they do not want to or cannot carry a fetus to term. It is her body, and her life often gets ignored in these questions and conversations.
As a society the goal should be to increase sex education and availability and affordability of contraceptives. But, and this is important, making abortion illegal will not stop them. It will only ensure that the rich will still pay for them and many poor will die from them.
20
Thank you for your courage in sharing your own story. My heart goes out to you and to others who have to face this choice but we both also know that choice must be preserved.
25
Thank you for sharing your story and in the process, speaking for so many who do not have the voice to do so. I really appreciated the emphasis on this being YOUR choice, as that is what it is, a woman's choice over her body.
29
@ic you definite an unborn child inside a woman as her baby. I don’t. I believe that that child has a right to live and instead of killing it I think the woman can have a c-section. If the baby doesn’t live, then so be it but it would have a fighting chance. There is no reason to ever have an abortion. If the woman doesn’t want the child have an immediate c-section. It’s safer for the woman and won’t have there won’t be a moral dilemma.
@Matt this makes quite literally no sense. You are in favor of abortion via "immediate C-section" but not the considerably less risky and damaging D&C or pill options otherwise available? At any point prior to 22 or so weeks a C-section would be fatal to the fetus, and risky, painful and entailing a long recovery from which the woman needs significant time off of work. After 22 weeks, the baby might have a chance to live but who would pay for the absurd cost of that child's care in the hospital - a 23 week old infant would spend 5 months in the NICU at a cost likely approaching $1 million dollars if not more. Who will bear this cost? And at what cost the infant's suffering? Assuming the child then lives it is likely to have significant medical complications and be far harder to place into an adoption since people generally prefer to adopt healthy infants. What then? Your proposal is both cruel and nonsensical.
11
Thank you, Ms. Jayapal, for risking the vulnerability and pushback to share your story during this time when women's reproductive rights are so at risk. I'm so proud that you're my congresswoman.
36
There are many people who consider abortion to be tantamount to murder. Unfortunately some of them enact laws which force that view on others who believe differently. Anyone who supports confiscating money from them to fund said procedure is equally willing to use the coercive power of government to force participation in the unthinkable...pro choice indeed.
8
@btb I am appalled by the death sentence. It is murder. Yet my tax money goes to support it. Should i protest? Do we get to opt out of gov't supported policies we just don't agree with?
20
@btb I guess we should just crowd-source the federal government-we can all pay into the programs we agree with. Can't wait to see how the military (involved in killing far more people than abortions) feels about that.
10
@Barbara Loutos
The military , the criminal justice system et al. are in theory for the benefit of us all. ( In practice it does not always seem that way). A medical procedure for a private individual is a different matter entirely.
Thank you so much for having the courage to share this incredibly difficult choice that you had to make. You will clearly get a lot of push back from this op-ed but know that it's deeply appreciated.
Hugs
44
Thank you, Rep. Jayapal, for sharing your story with us. Your intensely personal story which we are privileged to read. I applaud your courage in sharing this with us.
57
Sometimes there are no good choices in life, but you still have to choose. Making a choice in such circumstances, and living with it, are the actions of a responsible adult. We cannot allow this country to take away a woman’s right to make their own choices
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@GC
Actually, while I support the right of a woman to choose to abort her baby, unless the woman was raped, abortion is quite literally the opposite of living with the choices one makes.
@Livonian No it's not--neither literally nor figuratively. All people live with all of their choices. But I'm glad you say that you support all women's rights to choose.
3
thank you for sharing your story Rep. Jayapal, I support you in your decision wholeheartedly. you are right it is an agonizing decision - and there is no one in the world who would gladly choose to be faced with such a decision.
20
Pregnancy is a medical condition that always carries risks, some very serious. The government has no business controlling women's lives and bodies.
The Hyde Amendment, by withholding federal funds for abortion care from low income women and others who rely on the federal government for insurance (including people in the military) coerces economically-vulnerable women into taking unacceptable risks with their health, bodies, and lives. It is shameful.
381
@Tracy, so only “women” can get pregnant? I suggest you reconsider the words you use because they demean other members of our society.
@Sebastian Cremmington
Yes, only “ Women “, in the Medical definition. Females that have passed puberty, have functioning reproductive organs and have not entered menopause. That’s the medical standard. Very young Women can be called girls, but their bodies are capable of pregnancy. Women.
18
Thank you for your courage and leadership. One out of four American women has had an abortion, yet remain silent out of understandable fear of repercussions from anti-abortion zealots. As more women speak out, the truth about abortion and how it no one’s business except that of the woman, her partner, her doctor and her god.
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@J.
What of the daughter in the womb ?
Why do they not have a voice in whether
she lives or not ?
After all it is her life that is brutally ended.
2
@John Brown The fetus in the womb probably agrees with the mother's decision and does not care what some random guy in Idaho thinks.
35
Rep. Jayapal, your thoughtfulness, openness and honesty are so refreshing. This country needs more lawmakers like you, ones who are willing to lead from the heart, not the wallet.
66
Much respect and love to you, Rep Jayapal. You didn't have to share your story, but did, and in doing so provided all of us a fuller understanding of why safe abortion must remain legal and accessible.
997
@Josh. No, this level of maternal and child I'll health surrounding pregnancy is the exception not the rule. It's rare, and laws should never be made, nor logical arguments based, on the rare instances.
Thank you for having the courage to tell your story.
77
Pramila Jayapal has written one of the finest articles on a social/political subject that I have ever read. Courage and honor and self sacrifice are hers, and deserve to be noted. Hers is a voice that we need to hear more often. I am very happy that she is a member of our House of Representatives.
220
I agree that no one shouldn't have to share this publicly, but I also think it is through stories like this that change will happen. I'm reminded of the recent Washington Post article about the enormous increase in support for gay rights, due largely to people realizing that they have a loved one who is gay. We need to bridge the distance between those who have abortions and those who make the laws governing abortion and women's health.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/social-issues/americans-views-flipped-on-gay-rights-how-did-minds-change-so-quickly/2019/06/07/ae256016-8720-11e9-98c1-e945ae5db8fb_story.html?utm_term=.ffcab87c3a6b
58
Thank you for sharing. It is not easy and I know first hand as well. And I too would never ever tell someone what they can and cannot do with their body. Thank you for being a voice of reason and compassion amidst a rising sea of intolerance and hate.
50
I personally oppose abortion, but I do not believe it is my place or anyone else's to tell other people how to live their lives. Those who choose abortion also choose to live with the consequences, which I have seen firsthand can be as difficult as making the decision in the first place.
That said, this article is a strong argument for keeping choice legal, but it does not address the elephant in the room: Government subsidized abortion.
While I don't believe government should band or otherwise regulate such a personal decision, I also do not believe that it is the place of government to subsidize with taxpayers' money such a contentious and controversial procedure.
People of good faith who support women being allowed to make their own choices are equally acting in good faith when they say that they do not want their money spent on something they consider immoral, an offense against nature, and nothing less than the act of taking an innocent human life.
This issue is WAY to personal. It should be between a woman, her spouse or partner (if one is present and involved in the decision making), her doctor, and her God.
That's it. Government shouldn't be involved in any way, shape, or form. Period.
7
@Elfego I don't think tax payers should subsidize pre-emptive wars or corporations.
400
@Elfego Unfortunately, the government supports all kinds of controversial and contentious things- though this one seems to get singled out more than most.
137
@Elfego: I don't like my tax money going to the war machine. But that's where most of it goes.
236
I’m pro-choice. But I can’t ignore the fact that terminating a human fetus is a terrible thing, especially if done purely to avoid the inconvenience of having a child. Celebrating abortion as a symbol of women’s empowerment is wrong and only strengthens the pro-life movement.
15
@Greg Then you are not pro-choice. Did you read her op-ed? It was about far more than "inconvenience", it was about potentially fatal consequences to her and/or the baby. How dare you trivialize her choice as avoiding an "inconvenience". In her circumstance, doing what you opine as a terrible thing was the right choice, her choice, and not at all 'purely to avoid the inconvenience.'
365
@Greg You do realize that Jayapal is not celebrating abortion. She is sharing her story in response to recent attempts to criminalize abortion.
220
@Gooberton
I didn’t say I disagreed with her choice. It is a personal decision, but there are moral consequences.
2
Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story, Congresswoman Jayapal. We are grateful.
96
Bless you for sharing your story Pramila. I am from Seattle and used to be your proud constituent. Now I live in Missouri and I think more people here need to hear stories like yours. If I had an abortion story to share yours would make me have the courage to share it. Thank you!
125
Thank you Pramila. I am so proud to be a constituent of yours.
70
I sympathize for your traumatic experience, and I am happy that your child survived and is thriving. (Although I don't understand your use of the pronoun "they" to describe him/her.)
I also appreciate your view on abortion. But your assertion that this is purely a personal matter assumes away the primary argument against abortion - that it terminates a separate life. And that is what most on the left don't understand. Those of us who struggle with the legality of abortion struggle with this very question - at what point does a fetus become a person? Clearly, the moment before birth of a full-term baby, the fetus should qualify as a person who deserves protection. What about the day before? The week before? The month before? The trimester before?
That is the struggle. If it were clear to me that an abortion did not terminate a life, then I would have no objection. But it is not clear. And I don't think the Roe framework based on viability answers the question - a newborn baby can't survive on its own, yet we recognize it as a person.
So I don't buy the argument that abortion is purely a personal decision in which society plays no role.
8
@Citizen "But your assertion that this is purely a personal matter assumes away the primary argument against abortion - that it terminates a separate life. And that is what most on the left don't understand. "
Folks on the left do understand this point, and also understand that it has often been argued in bad faith. The same people who claim to care so much about preserving life gleefully cut food stamps and other benefits that help children already born.
But if you really want to debate the medical definitions of "life", the most basic brain structures do not develop until 23-24 weeks. Aspects of life like ability to feel pain likely do not develop until as late as 30 weeks, simply because neural structures take time to fully develop. The notion that 6 week or 16 week old fetuses are "human babies" is medically inaccurate. If that was the real concern of the pro-life movement, they would know acknowledge the science and accept the fact that sometimes women need an abortion and should have that choice.
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@Citizen: Thank you for raising this argument. But what about the life of the mother? Clearly in this situation, the life of the mother - not just her wishes or external circumstances - but her actual life, were deeply at risk were she to undergo another pregnancy. And if she puts her life at risk, she puts her child that she already has at risk, and she puts her unborn child at risk too. If she were to become severely mentally ill, or physically maimed, or if she were to die as a result of another pregnancy, how would this be choosing life? What would happen to her orphaned child/children? Children need their mothers and if it is a choice between keeping a pregnancy (not a baby yet, but a pregnancy) and keeping her own life (including preserving her physical and mental health while alive, to allow her to effectively parent), why does the Forced Birth movement (let’s call it this because it is most accurate) insist that the life of the mother, especially a mother with a child already, is less important than the life of an unborn child, who would suffer greatly without the mother? I simply do not understand.
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@Citizen
"they, them, theirs" is the pronoun that Janak has chosen.
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I admire her for speaking up about something so personal and painful but I have to wonder.…
If a person or a couple knows that they never want or should never have children, why not have a vasectomy or a tubal ligation? Why put yourself through the risk and trauma of an unwanted pregnancy?
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@DR ^^^ Dude
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@DR
I wanted a tubal ligation after a traumatic birth that my son barely survived. I was denied. That's why.
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@StephinSeattle - I'm so sorry that happened to you. Why on earth did they deny it? Was it a Catholic hospital?
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Thank you so much for sharing what you went through. It really helps to humanize those who have needed abortions. They, like you, are responsible and respectable people.
It is so easy for those who are uncomfortable with the idea of ending a pregnancy to say that they could not make that choice, but no one can predict every eventuality. A situation like yours seems especially wrenching - a child who would have been welcomed emotionally, but whose medical risks were too great.
And in all cases, that choice should be just that; a personal decision to be honored and to be undertaken safely and legally.
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Thank you for bravely sharing your story. I am very tired of people judging women and creating obstacles for them when it comes to their reproductive health. Don't open the hate mail that is bound to come your way and continue to stand strong.
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Thank you for your courage in speaking out.
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No, you should NOT have had to speak publicly about this, but it shows your commitment to public service that you have been willing to do so. Washington's 7th district should feel very pleased with their electoral choice.
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@Everyman Exactly. It's difficult and shouldn't be necessary, but if a woman possibly can share her story, I applaud them. The misinformation and flat out lying from the nosy parker contingent must be drowned out by the truth.
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Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad you had options even though a painful choice.
And it's too bad women feel that must share their stories in order to convince people there are very real and valid reasons (and personal!) why women make the choices they do. We shouldn't have to justify these things, but yet still we do, still, in 2019.
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