A Police Chief’s Suicide, Then Painful Questions in ‘Hushed Tones’

I too had a focus on work as a doctor for 37 years, but retirement and a mess up with my pension left me suicidal and the trying to change the desperation thoughts led me to seeking help, but police have convicted me for this which makes my survival look very unlikely. Should people be convicted for seeking help when desperate if no one is harmed?

What a shame there isn’t a (central?) resource that advertises opportunities for people who aren’t aware of what they can do to continue having meaningful lives after they retire. I worked for a small town police department in California. There were lots of opportunities to volunteer for our department, as well as other departments in city government, to help in various ways with the many important projects that couldn’t find ways to be funded. The number of local retired people who responded was astounding, and they were among our best and most dedicated workers, with skills and experience beyond our expectations.

The flip side of being someone who "personified the NYPD" is that he can start to see the NYPD personifying him. In other words, his self definition arises mostly from his job and its traditions. The NYPD will learn from this tragedy and take steps to reduce the prevalence of police officer suicides.

Why mandatory retirement at 63 if someone is fit physically and mentally and able to keep doing the job well?!?

If you've spent most of your adult life working, it's hard. You may have hobbies but pretty much everything is centered around work. Getting ready, going or coming. The media yells "you need a million dollars to retire". You won't have that much. You worry. Getting closer you wonder what you're going to do with your day. You wonder if the things you enjoy will be enough to occupy your time Health issues and a generous buyout offer led me to retirement at 67, sooner than I planned. I cried my last day. Wondering how or if I could return to some type of work. The first few months were tough. Adjusting. I still wake up at the same time feeling that I have to do "something". You gradually settle into a routine. Days go by quickly. You get up early, glance up and it's 4 pm already I've been retired 18 months. Some days I still miss the camaderie. Still identify myself by my profession, but retired. I got more active in hobby groups. Fortunately I don't have financial worries. But the desire is still there to maybe go back. I had to sort thru what I wanted. Another process. I don't want to run out at 6 am, nor sit anywhere 8 hrs. I finally realized I might like part time or a contract, close to home. I don't need benefits. But first I have to put a resume together. hard to distill 40 yrs of experience into one page. Until I at least put a resume together I know I'm not that serious. You have to allow time to work thru it. It's a process.

My father was a well-known lawyer in town, but at home, was tremendously abusive - meaning he was a very unhappy person. How many of us show an expected front to the world, but behind the scenes suffer in silence? So, I wrote a program for people who would like to work on their spiritual balance and achieve some peace. It is called www.healingwordsfromthetreeoflife. God bless Chief Silks.

What is sad that anyone’s job defines them. This man obviously thought that without his job he was nothing. Not much different than people who retire then die soon after because they have no interests outside of work.

While we can never know what was in this man's mind, it does seem strange (as an outsider looking in on police culture) that highly skilled, beloved employees are tossed completely out of an entire profession on their 63rd birthday. To the point that commenters have already made about "bridge programs" or "step-down" programs that would make use of an officer's knowledge while easing that person into semi-retirement -- Why ease into semi-anything at 63??? For many people age 63 is still young and vital. There could be 30 more strong years ahead. Based on the tenor of this story and the comments of colleagues, Officer Silks appeared to be competent, eager, brimming with knowledge, skills and most importantly, a desire to work. Understandably that work may no longer involve high-speed chases --but does the NYPD and other police departments not have any sort of formal career transition services so that the lifelong training/experiences soaked up by these folks can be put to use in other fields? Is there no pipeline to begin training the best of these people long before retirement age about potential futures in teaching, the corporate sector, security, public policy, administrative roles, on and on? As others have noted, we can not know the depths of Officer Silks's despair and what role losing his life's work may have played in it, but this tragedy certainly raises the need for discussion about helping hardworking, eager people redirect their talents.

Whether you are just starting "adult life" or in/about to retire, please remember that you are WHO you are, and not WHAT you do for a living. Especially for men, we always wrap up our self-worth in what we do for a job. Have a life outside of your workplace, increase your friendship relationships, and seek out a relationship with the One who made you in the first place.

I often wonder if it would be better if police officers and military members were required to lock up and leave their weapons at their duty stations, rather than bringing them home. The number of times an off-duty officer saves the Day is outnumbered by the suicides and lethal incidents involving service weapons.

I recall when our son retired as a deputy chief from the city he lived and worked in for 30 years. All he ever wanted to be was a cop. He was good at his job. His listened well, he never overacted, he was firm when necessary, he loved being a cop. What he told us that bothered him the most was yesterday he was "a somebody" and today he was "just a body". He relished the responsibility. He liked being the "go to guy" whenever there was an issue. He liked the fact that his chief could rely on him, without question. But as it turned out, his retiring was a blessing because less than a year later, he suffered a stroke. If this had occurred while on the job, he doesn't know if he would have survived. He is doing better, managing okay, but he realizes he could never have stayed on the job after his stroke. He is grateful and relieved that he went out on his own terms, rather than leaving under the sting of a medical condition. He misses the action. But he realizes his health is more important than even being a cop.

As a retired police officer, I maybe can share a little insight. For myself, I couldn't wait to retire at age 59. But I was never like some of my colleagues who relished being a cop, always thought they were a 'special' breed of man, always carried a gun with them, and always considered themselves on duty even on their days off. When they retired, their identity as 'special' went away. It's tough to handle and it's impossible for some. May he rest in peace.

Just my suggestion. Why not ease long tenured police officers into retirement? I mean at the mandatory retirement age offer those who want it a modified schedule to come in and mentor, teach internlly, or promote the police department externally in schools and community events. It would be a valuable service, and give a sense of purpose to those who want it. It would be, sort-of, a semi-retirement.

Maybe this already exists, but: perhaps there could be a "bridging" or "step down" program for officers who are retiring and wondering what the future may hold for them. For example, becoming a mentor to younger officers, volunteering at events where the NYPD has a booth or presence, becoming a community liaison... Something where the retiring officer still retains his/her NYPD connection to friends and colleagues yet slowly steps down in authority, risk, or responsibility. A retiree could run this program and help retiring officers connect the dots.

Suicide does not generally happen in a vacuum, suddenly out of the blue, although on the surface it would appear so. There are often underlying issues that pervade the person's life from an early age, which culminate in suicide when the proverbial "last straw" arises...in this case, possibly forced retirement. Therefore, to suggest that losing his job is what caused Chief Silks to commit suicide, is simplistic at best. People with suicidal tendencies are good at masking and appearing as if all is well, but the demons are usually there for years. Secondly, although this is not directly related to the issue of Chief Silk's suicide, it speaks to the overall systemic concerns I have gradually begun to observe, as the mother of a young NYPD police officer with a few years on the force...and that is to the culture at the NYPD. I can attest to the fact that morale is often an issue, and it is due to poor management skills on the part of superior officers in charge, who know little to nothing about properly motivating and coaching-up their charges. There's a punitive, shaming culture that's allowed to take place, rather than a culture of correcting and educating those who may not know the ropes enough. If NYPD wants officers to come forward to reveal their pain and fears, then this culture must change from the top down. Younger officers learn it's not okay to even speak to a Lieutenant or Commander, and that's a shame. The "open door" policy is a not real, so they tell me.

The trick is to have other real interests and loves outside your work. When you're a politician or a great conductor or a renowned writer, you may be able to go right on to the end doing what you love, but most jobs, careers and callings are not that all-consuming. I remember the film THE NEW CENTURIONS, based on the Wambaugh book about policemen, and in it the character played by George C. Scott retires, seemingly happy to do so, calls his daughter (I think) on the phone, takes out his gun and blows his head off, so there must have been some concern for the psyches of retiring policemen without other life purposes even 40 years back. I also don't understand the mandatory 63-years-of-age retirement policy for upper-echelon policemen who are no longer expected to chase teenagers over walls. It seems the Department just throws all of that experience and expertise into the garbage can, rather than making used of it.

My heart filled with deep sadness when I read of both suicides of these fine police veterans. Being an outsider (civilian) but also a social worker and suicide counselor, the “obvious” cues were always there – a lifelong deep love and commitment to the job, his fellow officers, no family, lived alone. The job WAS his life, was his routine. This life is what he knew and cherished above all else. A problem is that NO ONE wants to think or entertain the possibility that perhaps someone could or would do themselves harm. Having been down a similar road, I too thought suicide was my one and only answer to my situation. I came extremely close to not being here today. What happened to Deputy Chief Steven J. Silks has happened to many others, younger and older. That deep dread of having no hope, no sense of “another chapter” in one’s life is something we may be able to predict, but in the end, no one can really prevent someone from taking his or her life. That’s the sad reality, the tragic reality. I know the NYPD will do their best to continuing to educate and implement programs for fellow officers who are stressed so they may talk to SOMEBODY if he or she begins to feel boxed in. It’s painful and tragic when an officer dies in the line of duty. It’s a deeper and more haunting pain when an officer takes his or her own life. Profound condolences to the NYPD and the many loved ones and friends of both Deputy Chief Steven J. Silks and Detective Joseph Calabrese.

The Chief seems like a great guy who gave his all to being a good cop. As a lifelong NYer, I am grateful for his service, for keeping the city where I live and work safer and more wonderful. Grateful for his leadership of generations of cops who do the same. The article is startling in one way: No mention of gun control. Of course policing needs access to firearms in NYC, that is NOT the point. And in the Chiefs case, he was doubtlessly an expert in firearms and firearm safety. The takeaway from this story in terms of gun safety is that guns don’t take lives, people using guns do. Similarly, doctors (and other medical professionals) use drugs to commit suicide. It is what they know and have access to. Instead of decrying guns we need to focus on meeting the needs of the people around them. The Chief impresses me as something of a stoic, in his life and in his death. God rest his soul.

No wife. No kids. His job his life. Works OT for fun. Soon job gone. What is there not to see?

Be Thou at Peace

Let us never make our jobs our whole life. No one will ever know the mind of another, so can we try to be more engaging, more thoughtful, more able to look for signs and explore? This is very sad - for everyone. Always thinking, could it have been different and how? That is really sad.

This article implies that he committed suicide because his job was his whole life and he couldn't bear having to leave it. But reading it closely one realizes that it's pure conjecture, pure speculation. (And therefore not good journalism.) At some point in the future the "real" reason for his suicide may come to light.

That retirement age seems a bit low, especially for officers who aren't walking a daily beat. The range master role he was performing would seem perfect for a seasoned veteran. I haven't retired despite being old enough to, the job isn't too demanding physically, and I like the people I work with.

Obviously there must be immediate mental health initiatives developed for professions that enforce mandatory retirement age. For someone facing total disruption of their life, of course they need help with that transition. A suicidal person is NOT likely to tell what they are planning, as they dont want to worry anyone but cant face days without meaning. Friends and colleagues thinking they could have said something...that is simplistic.... should put that energy into needed initiatives.

So sad and unnecessary. The job defined him and he wasn't up to the task of finding a new definition and a new community with no real responsibilities. The lack of family certainly made the void seem impossible for him. This is a hard transition for some to make. I couldn't wait to retire. I don't particularly like retirement 3 years into it but I soldier through (I hear the chuckles). Seriously - it's boring but my family gives me purpose. He wanted to exit and I hope he finds the peace he sought.