Schools ask children to use their names for these Google classroom accounts and I think that is wrong. They should set up a handle instead. Inevitably a child will have to decide what they want to use the internet for with the time they have available to them. If they are stimulated and engaged when not on the internet chances are the pull will be much less.
13
I think the current atmosphere of alarm over smart phone usage is a little excessive. Think of all the separate functions the phone fills. It is music player, calendar, newspaper, communication device, google info getter, calculator, clock, map, camera, book, game player, photo album, streaming radio/tv, and on and on. Is it any wonder we spend a lot of time on these devices?
Also, screentime takes a lot of the rap over why kids don't spend more time outside playing. Yes, video games are a big culprit. But I also think we impose some of that over our unease about "outside dangers" like tick-borne diseases. And then there's our addiction to air conditioning when it is hot. So yeah, but.
19
I was in a restaurant one evening recently and observed an elderly man and a young boy, 7 or 8, come in and sit down in a nearby booth. Probably grandfather and grandson. The instant they sat down, the little boy pulled out his cell phone and I swear to god, the two of them did not exchange one word during their entire meal. The child didn't take his face away from the screen for an instant. Grandpa toyed with his own device listlessly on occasion. But one could tell that he was not from the electronic device generation. It was one of the saddest things I have ever seen in a restaurant.
180
This is the new norm. I see this all the time, everywhere. Smartphone use should be treated as an addiction. It triggers the same endorphins in the brain as other addictive substances do.
52
@Cornflower RhysYes. This sounds a lot like the breakfast I share with my teenage grand daughter every morning and it is sad.
15
@mary bardmess
Maybe those of us who suffer as a result of being ignored for devices need to speak up more loudly?
21
A better idea: No screens for anyone, any age, ever.
And yet, has the author even asked a single teenager to describe their own thoughts on the matter? The teenager who has been so unfairly posted about since conception? What do those whose privacy is so violated have to say on the matter? There is bias in this writing from the perspective of the adult.
There are a lot of scary things on the internet, but some of the most disconcerting, to me, are parents broadcasting intimate details of the lives of their children. Your children have a right to privacy, and parenthood gives you no right to strip them of it.
4
Interesting to skim through the posts: not one has anything at all positive about Facebook or any other techie "service, all of which distract, cripple, endanger or oppress. Nothing will be don because tech "critics," esp. columnists, are tech addicts unwilling to SEE the problems because they make money from them. To paraphrase RR: tech is not the solution. It's the problem. If we can't strangle it in the bathtub, we should blow it up.
2
Big Brother is watching our children too.
2
All of the comments here are correct, in that its the, "PARENTS", who are neglecting their children with screen time.. the kid shouldn't be held responsible to and addiction created by the adult..the social divide is even greater.. ignorant uneducated people have something to look at... even more distancing their ability to teach their children..
What will Children’s Services say as they arrest you for child neglect for not supervising your children. Have we forgotten Slender Man already.
There is a strong inverse correlation between screen time and lack of sunlight and measures of health such higher obesity and lower overall health. Furthermore, kids are much more likely to get run over or fall off a cliff while walking or riding skateboards or scooters
because they are looking at their cell phones while texting and oblivious to their surroundings. Of course, natural selection will eventually remove these maladaptive behavioral phenotypes, but in the mean time there will be a lot of maimed and dead children, teenagers, and young adults.
2
In 2012 I was a new hire at a startup and I was the only person who objected to the use of Google Business Apps because… the first thing it did at that time was try to make you sign up for Google+, Googles former social media platform, which advertised as "connect with all your high school buddies in chat rooms!" and I found this inappropriate for a company with a lot of intellectual property concerns.
It also forced you to use your real name, meaning that exposing my real name on social media was now a condition of employment. Entering a fake name made my email go wonky. No customer support, no way to fix.
I got in a huge argument with the EVP of Operations and told him that I had a stalker who popped up every time I went on social media. His jaw dropped, clearly he'd never thought of this.
7
Judicious photo sharing to a limited audience and other postings about one's kids hurt nobody; it's the modern equivalent to sending your family members a letter with photos enclosed, or calling to chat about life. When I post about my kids, instead of using their names I refer to them as "youngest kid" or "middle kid" or "eldest kid" or "younger stepson" or "older stepson" for their privacy; my family and friends know who I refer to, but I don't think that Google or facebook is that sussed yet. Perhaps this is something that other parents could consider. I also never, ever, ever post anything critical or demeaning or embarrassing about them (though they are all great kids, so I'd be at a loss as to even think of something bad to post). So far my kids have been happy when I post about their cooking skills, or acts of kindness directed at others, or awards won at the county fair, or whatever, but if they were to object, those posts would be removed immediately. The key is to be mindful not to identify the subject by name, and to also never post anything of the nature that you would object to being posted about yourself.
4
An issue not addressed in the article or much in the comments is that children often don't live near the friends. Technology is the new mode of interacting with their peers through real-time gaming and video phone calls. Our kids are living on-line the way we used to play with the kids in our neighborhood. If a child doesn't like someone, they can simply block them from the "playground". What are the consequences of the selectivity this affords?
3
On the flip side they can remain friends with kids they met on vacations or left behind when they switched schools or only met briefly at a family reunion. My daughter has several such friends and when she gets to see them in person, sometimes only once a year, it is clear in the way they interact that the friendships are strong and genuine. Of course my brother met his wife online and they have been quite astonishingly blissfully married now for almost twenty years so I have a very positive view of the potential of virtual friendships.
1
Every generation of kids has the “evil” influence that will turn them into monsters. Wether that be public dancing,music, TV, video games, and now the internet/phones there will be something to harm our kids. Doing your best raising them as a parent and then sending them off into the world with your fingers crossed is all you can do. Every generation somehow adapts and thrives and somehow creates another generation.
For the record, I post my toddlers photos on The Facebook so our family all over the world can see them grow up.
2
When we restrict and control everything a child does with technology, we're raising them without the ability to self-control. We must give some modicum of freedom and focus on building good, safe habits, not on stopping every possible chance to overuse technology.
4
thank you for the comments on Google classroom. The new thing is Google Portfolio, which keeps student records, clubs, awards, and examples of their work in one place. ostensibly this is to give to college admissions or employers, but it seems to benefit Google the most. students are required to create these in school, with no idea how Google uses the information.
7
Don’t look now, but children are, well children. They are not adults, and therefore incapable of judging what is right or wrong for them in terms of on-line behavior and activity.
It is not clear to me just what childen’s rights are in these situations, but it is certainly the responsibility of parents (and those acting in loco parentis) to ensure that children are safe from harm and exploitation, whether in person or on-line.
This parental responsibility includes refraining from posting photos or information about their children on-line in public venues that are accessible to pedophiles and other exploiters of children.
Children will be children on-line and elsewhere, so it is important for parents to be parents.
5
I use these social media sites, although I rarely post any photos, but I don't use my real name anywhere and have a separate email address for these sites. I have never entered my real birthdate, either.
If I order anything online, I use my dogs' names because I know the address lists are sold. My dogs get a lot of mail.
This always seemed to me to be basic security protection.
7
Send them to sleepaway camp. Most have a strict no screens policy, and you must write your letters to mom and dad via snail mail. Also, quite sadly, sleepaway camp is the only place where children can be independent from their parents and run around freely without someone calling CPS. When we were young we used to roam the streets and go to the playground unaccompanied, long before we became teens. Nowadays kids cannot. (Also, if you think sleepaway camp is expensive, ask the grandparents to contribute to the cost in lieu of birthday and holiday gifts).
10
My wife doesn't necessarily agree, but I think putting tablets in the hands our kids, ages 10 & 8 (Christmas gifts) was the worst parenting decision we ever made, and it has NOTHING to do with social media (non-factor for our family), phone tracking, or any of the other 'problems' described in this piece. My anecdotal experience has been that screen time, and the addictive nature of the apps and games (including the "educational" ones!) is the problem, especially for our younger child. When screen time is over, she turns into a monstrous brat who can't control her emotions at being denied her fix.
So, at least for us, I couldn't disagree more with the author's pronouncement that "the hard truth is that many of technology’s effects on kids have less to do with screen time per se than they do with the decisions grown-ups are making". Other than the hard truth that we shouldn't have given them the technology in the first place.
27
@David
Use passcodes for devices and then for the wifi on those devices.
1
It is time to seriously consider legislating smart phones out of the hands, eyes, and brains of children and young adolescents. Make 18 or 21 the legal age at which you can own and/or use phone. Can't leave up to parents because phones make their lives as parents extra easy. Apple can make a super simple "Kids Phone" for emergency calls only since that is the (bogus) rationale we hear in schools for every student having to carry one. The problem with making them store phones in their lockers or in classrooms does not solve the problem of social distraction. You can take their phone but you can't erase it from their mind. The preoccupation regarding the next text or Instagram post does not go away with the physical phone. Time to BAN the PHONE because its the right thing to do.
5
Nope. If parents keep making bad choices that's their problem. Government regulation is too oppressive, and unfair to the millions of families that have figured out ways to make it work for them.
While I believe this essay is helpful in reminding us of some of the potential unintended consequences associated with new technology and new media, I also feel it neglects the positive aspects of these advances. I love seeing photos of my college friends' kids, and even though I can't see them "IRL", I'm able to stay in touch with people who are dear to me. At the same time, these friends and I know we have to carefully maintain our privacy settings. Like all things, there are plusses and minuses, and it's up to us as informed consumers to be vigilant. There's no question that Federal and state authorities should be doing more to help parents use these new technologies in safe and productive ways. Hopefully, come 2021 we'll have a president who actually cares about this issue.
6
@Mark I too enjoy looking at photos of friends kids online, but I feel like it fosters a false sense of community. I know all about these kids and what they look like and their interests, but I do not really KNOW them. It is false. It would be better to invest in a phone call, direct text / message or email. That is a real connection.
28
I completely disagree that it is a false sense of connection. The photos and life events and conversations being shared are just as real as if they were written in a letter or text or shared in the phone. It is just a different form of communication with its own unique qualities. I have a network of far flung friends living around the world. When we do get a rare chance to visit in person there are no awkward moments, our friendships pick right up, in part because we have been able to keep abreast of what is going on in each others’ lives. Yes, some of the conversations are group conversations and individual one on one messages are also needed, but the connections are real no matter in what medium they are made.
3
Schools today are expected to keep kids “safe,” so tools like Gaggle and GoGuardian become another tool they feel compelled to use to defend against allegations of negligence. As a teacher, my experience is that the effect of using these tools is to chill students’ speech and teachers’ pedagogical freedom. Teachers think twice about assignments that might flag students’ work; students think twice about whether to write anything that could cause administration to review it. Yet, I’m told that some at risk students have been identified through their use. It’s another iteration of the perennial conundrum: how much freedom are we willing to trade for enhanced security? How much additional security is worth this trade off? I pose the question; I consider it one of our most important issues of the day, but where to strike this balance eludes me.
25
My siblings and friends like to joke that we’re lucky the internet wasn’t around when we did all our stupid, embarrassing, quasi-legal stuff. In fact, when I was a young adult I was arrested (falsely, I might add) and the charges were eventually dropped. If it happened post-internet age, my mug shot would live in cyberspace forever.
39
When I was a child (50s) our parents were often in the dark. However, any adult could call you down at any time, and they absolutely would tell your parents if they caught you doing something wrong. Having said that the annonimity and freedom of that era allowed for confidence building. Children today often lack opportunities to figure things out themselves and learn to problem solve.
9
I am an introvert and software engineer. I checked out of social media before doing so was cool. I detested the idea of Facebook back when I first came across it in 2004. I hated it then, I despise it now.
I am sick and tired of people whipping out their phones when ever there is a down moment. When I am on the train I purposefully choose frequently to just stand there and wait. People can't do it anymore.
I get into constant disagreements on the topics covered in this article with my wife. It is a struggle to get her to not bring her phone to the dinner table. I refuse to post pictures of our child online. I have pleaded with my wife to stop as well to no avail. I have forwarded her this article with hopes it can change her mind.
Do yourself a favor. Checkout out of social media. Checkout of having your phone on you as a safety blanket 24/7. Lead by example to your children.
96
@Jeffrey
I'm not a software engineer but I know enough about computers to agree with you. It drives me absolutely bonkers to experience people who are unaware of their compulsive social behavior regarding cell phones. I guess that's why I mostly hangout with IT professionals and electricians. When you work with a machine 40 hours a week you don't want to spend any more time with a machine. I felt the same way after a rough week in retail as a kid. No more people please.
By the way, I read a book on the train. Analog of course
9
@Jeffrey Thanks for sharing your point of view. I just deleted my Twitter app 2 weeks ago because I found I had become obsessed with all the nonsense and was interacting more with strangers than real people. I'm going to bring a book for my train ride!
3
@Jeffrey - I agree with pretty much everything you say, except not using the phone on the train. You don't know what other people are looking at. Sure, it could be something dumb like Facebook or Candy Crush, or it could be the New York Times (the print version doesn't have reader comments which many of us love to read and contribute to) or something important from work. I read the Times everyday on my phone on the subway. It's the best time to catch up on the news.
8
The author described a concern I've had for several years- the posting of children's photos without their consent of knowledge, not for their gain but for the needs of the adult posting. Be conscientious about children's privacy. They are people who need protection and guidance, not belongings to show how well a person has done in life.
137
@Mary Beth
Sometimes posting children on FB is the only way g.g.grandparents get to see the children, especially when they live in another state. FB's designation could be enhanced so to see it, you would have to name the receiver only. No pornographer could get ahold of it, nor any potential college, dater, or work could get ahold of the pictures and videos.
5
@Joy B If the grandparents have access to FB, why couldn't someone just email them pics of the kid? Or text / Facetime if the grandparents have a smart phone? It's hard to imagine a scenario where FB is the only means of communication.
40
@Mary Beth
And Facebook is so secure! Ha Ha Ha!
12
To judge by many of the comments in the thread, there seem to be lots of grownups who are unhappy that their children (and other people's children) are "addicted" to their screens.
Some of these grownups are so unhappy (enraged? hysterical?) that they recommend punishing the kids--confiscating their phones, sending them to bed without food, forcing them to play sports they hate or read books they detest or engage in conversation with adults who treat them as chattel.
Well, those methods might work. Then again, they might not. They might convince the child that he, or she, is absolutely right to distrust any grownup in the world.
5
This article is very well done. Informed and well reasoned opinions. No explicit bias either for or against technology. And a good closing line. The term 'sharenting' is absolutely horrible, however (not that the author made it up).
6
I want to share an example of poor choices by adults overseeing technology in my daugher's school. Each child receives a google education account set up by the school. It is restricted based on a number of parameters. One thing that is restricted is the use of Google Hangouts (social chat). So students in my daughter's grade quickly discovered they could simply hold chat's in a shared Google Doc, which updates basically in real time, to simulate a chat. Trouble is that this dynamic essentially undermined parents ability to regulate "chat time". Imagine, back in the day, banning your teenage daughter from the phone for the evening to get homework done, only to find that the next day she is listening to the full audio of the 2 hour party line, or reading a transcribed copy to "catch up" on the past week before calling her friends.
That does not really relate to "sharenting", but I suspect part of the author's issue with that practice is a sense of envy for the family who figured out how to make bank while their child plays with Legos. Sharenting, when done responsibly, is no different than busting out a baby album. Or letting your baby model for the Sears catalogue. Issues arise when adults respond to the images and videos in bad ways; you cannot throw them out of your parlour. Worse yet, the offenders may be higher on the "social media totem pole" than you, so these shares become victim of Queen Bee high school behavior.
2
@Gene
You have observed the tip of the cyber-iceberg.
Twenty million Chromebooks combined with smart phones have transformed the K to 12 school experience - and not in a good way. Decreased attention span, patience has disappeared, emotionless affects, general disinterest in school subjects, electronic cheating is rampant, and straying into the darker corners of cyberspace.
4
Sure, there are lots of potential hazards from your child's footprint online, but none them can begin to measure up to the obvious, detectable damage done to them by simply starting at a phone all the time. Of course, it's not just kids--there's a strong argument that Trump wouldn't have gotten elected, and wouldn't be locked at a 40% approval rating were it not for Facebook, Twitter and the death of the monoculture.
But with children the negative effects of screentime are immediate and obvious. They aren't making music, they aren't playing sports, they aren't even having sex and partying anymore because all they do, ALL they do, is look at screens. Madonna said she regretted giving her children phones at age 13 because, in her worlds, it "destroyed their relationship."
My kids are young, 9 and 6, and the only two things they want are candy and PHONES PHONES PHONES. They can't hear you when they're looking at one, they get upset when you tell them to put it down. It's honestly my single biggest worry as a parent.
In a generation or two we will look back at the way we've given ourselves over to the internet and smartphones in much the same way we look back at the way everyone smoked in the 1940s. If only we'd known then what we know now, they will say, we could have avoided all that suffering and wasted lives.
11
@Todd
Madonna is wrong.
30 years ago I remember playing the original NES and later the Super Nintendo and even then N64 with my friends. It was one of the main things we did together, trying to beat levels, playing against each other, discussing strategies. Most people don't think of video games as a social endeavor, but it absolutely is. When we gave my son and daughter tablets for playing games and watching videos we were worried about the same thing. But they absolutely do the same thing I did as a kid, they share the things they love with their friends. My son and his friends talk about video games. When his friends come over they play games for a bit, and then they often run around pretending they're video game characters, or they write stories or draw pictures or play Legos. Screen time strengthens those relationships, it doesn't destroy it.
Parents expect their kids to communicate and relate to other people as they do or as they did when they were kids. But the reality is that every generation will develop it's own particular style, and there's nothing wrong with that. Current generations are very comfortable with text messaging and email, while older generations prefer talking. We shouldn't denigrate the way kids relate to each other when older folks can't even use their email without putting a virus on their computer.
5
@Todd - So enroll them in after school activities! Sign them up for soccer, music lessons, pottery...whatever! Then they get home at dinner time and you say "no phones at the table, please!". Then they have to do homework. Then they have to read - for school or for pleasure. Then it's lights out. Bingo, no time for phones!
5
And then watch them when they have no clue what any of their friends are talking about or pretending to be...
Here's an idea: keep your kids off social media, don't give them phones until they're old enough to buy one themselves and pay the monthly bill, and if your school is using technology in a way that feels wrong, push back hard -- you pay taxes, so you are the customer in the relationship. Or you can be the change by getting involved in the school board or PTA.
All of which is to say that despite the alarmism, parents have the power and means to manage their children's relationship with technology, and the responsibility to ensure that relationship is healthy and reasonable.
10
@Cooper Ackerman Thats my plan, additionally try to post as few pictures as possible of them growing up.
Couldn't agree more. In one of those odd twists, as social media was becoming ascendant the cases I was handling as a prosecutor were becoming more serious and I had no desire to be an online search away from someone finishing the significant prison term I'd secured for them. The thought of my child and family being found on line was chilling. So I just never bothered participating and boy am I glad for that.
8
We should all remember that in the grand scheme of things social media is very very new. It’s not surprising that it is taking us a while to figure out its ramifications and how to use it sensibly and productively. Protocols will evolve and people will learn. It’s a slow process but articles like this, that make us think carefully about what we are doing help move it along. Personally I am aghast at friends and family that post photos of their children online. But I understand their motivations and I know they have just not learned yet that this is damaging and potentially dangerous behavior. And, no, I don’t scold them for this. It’s hardly helpful. They have to come to this realization themselves. I only learned it myself a year or so ago. We are all struggling with this.
6
I will never understand why parents think it's OK to make their kids shuttle between households following divorce. The parents should do the sacrificing and shuttling, not the kids.
Same for the love life -- it goes on the back burner. You botched up once; put it on hold till your child is a young adult, and focus on their well-being instead. Lonely? Lusty? Too bad -- snatch a few stolen moments here or there when the kids are with their other parent, discreetly, but don't drag a bunch of strangers in and out of your child's life when they already are anxious and vulnerable.
Having kids is 100 percent voluntary. If you aren't 100 percent committed, just don't do it. And be more discerning about who you choose as their other bioparent.
20
@Earthling
I agree with you 100 percent. The worst part of being divorced (my attorney husband left me for another woman when our child was two and insisted on joint custody) was the steady succession of strangers --- and unfriendly, competitive, critical ones at that --- in my and my child's life.
He insisted on introducing her to every woman he dated. His "lookin' for love" caused her untold stress and anxiety because he expected her to make special efforts to bond with these women --- all of whom were eager to snag a lawyer, of course. Three marriages and three divorces later, she finally reached adulthood.
I kept my dating out of her life until she was grown, so she had a sanctuary in my home at least. To this day she can't have a Facebook page because of women pestering her for access to her father, now on his fourth marriage.
13
I think we need to be careful with wholesale rejection or acceptance of new technologies becoming instrumental and ever-present in young lives. Though a techie I know that I don't understand what competencies and experiences a young person will need in the future. At the very least there is always some alchemy of intelligence, social skills, and passion that always seem to create both professional success and personal satisfaction.
How e-devices disrupt or enhance these quotients in the future is very hard to predict--and therefore even harder for a parent's generation to manage. I love that I can tell my son that I need to respond to something on my phone while we stroll for ice-cream, which may not have otherwise been possible. He get's it. Last night we went for a night-ride (bikes), and yes, I waited for him to capture Pokemon's (thought that was dead!), but he was revisiting something he used to do, as was I.
The point being, personal forms of technology will increasingly be apart of our lives, and extensions of our person. To me what most matters in this environment is the tenor and transparency by which these technologies are managed together with children. We know school grades instantaneously. Use this as a tool for conversation and support, not interrogation and judgement. Kids nowadays get that their lives are on display, they post them. They cannot hide and we cannot change this. But we can support them to the best of our aged abilities.
2
Like any new medium, smart phones and social media are causing disruption, because no one was really ready for the consequences of it. Like the internet, like tv, like the phone, like the printed book, things change, and it often takes a while to catch up to the consequences of change. Schools and parents, while talking about the dangers of this technology, as the article talked about, also are abusers themselves, in that they embrace the technology to not only teach kids, but track them, then wonder why kids shut down or don't trust them. I can't entirely blame parents, because having been one myself, it is a minefield, where so called experts spread the alarm about everything, and as a parent it is hard not to freak out, much the same way that the 'experts' said that tv watching was going to create a generation of violence addicted zombies who would not become educated, but somehow we did. I think parents are muddling their way through, but I think relatively few are stage parents pushing their kids to have a channel on you tube, I think most just haven't thought through the consequences of posting stuff about their kids and the 'experts' have not been much help, that maybe what parents need are some clear guidelines, not panic studies or worse, the stuff that comes from the luddites.
4
I have not read all of the comments but so far no one has mentioned that kids are increasingly on that device most of the night while the parents sleep. Despite what many seem to assert most parents are working hard and have to go to sleep eventually. God help the parent who stays up on the device all night (which happens) but it is mostly tweens, teens and college aged. They can scarcely keep their eyes open in school. I teach so I know. When I call home to inquire about healthy sleep and device shut off rules I get a variety of answers. Yes, the parents have to sleep sometime, I agree. But if you thought your child was harming him or herself night after night in any other way I think you would investigate and intervene. Often not so with the phone which is somehow " private" and off limits. It's a very skewed interpretation of privacy because as the well written article points out perhaps the only people from whom the child's phone use is actually private are the parents. Lots of others know quite a bit. And when the child knows the adults are asleep they are sometimes tempted to go where they shouldn't and they know how to hide it quite often.
15
@Consuelo I don't know what's up with the parents you're dealing with but simply stated the phone goes on the charger when the kid goes to bed and woe to kiddo who thinks they are going to try and sneak that phone into their room. Ask our teenager how she liked her "new" flip phone. But parenting has always been hard and a large number of parents don;t want to be the bad guy.
3
@ROK
Ha, same here. Family rules: no phone at any meal, no phone in any restaurant, and no phone in the bedroom at night. The charger is in the living room...forget to plug it in once, you get a raised eyebrow and a reminder. Forget twice, that phone is mine for the next 24 hours. No one has pushed me to figure out what happens the third time. We're on our third (and final) teenager and made our rules a condition to getting a phone. No arguments, no surprises. That said, with two of them out of the house, I can't vouch for what they do with their phones anymore!
2
@Consuelo - so keep all phones overnight in YOUR bedroom! Surely you have enough outlets there for yours and theirs to charge there (or if you don't. charge yours in some other room but theirs stays in yours).
1
It all begins with modeling the behavior you want your children to emulate. If you walk around the house, store and sidewalk with your head buried in a mobile device the kids will find nothing unacceptable about the behavior. If you sit down at the dinner table and place your phone next to your plate? Guess what? So will your kids. They have far ore time away from your direct supervision than with it. So...you'll reap what you sow.
25
Why does every conversation about media devolve into complaining that parents use their phones in the presence of their children?
I don’t remember my mom being called neglectful, selfish, or abusive for paying attention to something or someone other than us kids. In fact, kids who got undivided attention all day were considered spoiled babies and the moms were thought of as kind of weird.
If one of these moms everyone complains about was sitting on the park bench reading a book or doing a crossword puzzle while the kids play, instead of toddling around behind them narrating and asking them questions nonstop, would people freak out? Probably not. But read the news on the phone and she’s a horrible person.
10
@Di
I don't think anyone is saying that parents don't have the right to do things for themselves, or use their phone or whatnot, that they need to give their kids undivided attention, but I think you are missing the point. It isn't the parent has to give the kid undivided attention, the problem is parents who aren't giving the kids enough attention, that when the kid does want their attention, they are too busy looking at cat videos on facebook to pay attention, and yes, I have seen this a lot, the kid wants something, wants to show them something, and the parent is like "not now, I am busy". To use your analogy, if parent is reading a book on the bench while kid plays, kid comes over to show them what they have found, and the mother says "go away, I am reading", do you think that is good parenting? I have seen this time and again with parents, buried on their phone, and the kid is trying to get their attention to show them something, ask them something, and they are ignored.
More importantly, kids behavior is not taught, it is caught. A parent who is constantly on their phone, no matter what they say, is telling the kid it is okay to spend all their time on the phone, it is okay to ignore others, pretend they don't exist, etc. Parents complain that kids are a bunch of zombies on their phones, but they can't complain when they themselves do the same thing..do as I say, and not as I do, fails.
7
@music observer
Ignore, no.
Ask them to wait a minute until they get to a stopping point... that used to be Ok.
Mom mom mom mom moooooommmm! demanding thirty seconds of attention every couple of minutes used to be frowned upon.
I just don’t believe there are legions of heartbroken children wailing and screaming for half an hour because Mommy is scrolling through Instagram. Somebody somewhere, sure. There’s always somebody.
But mostly it’s people seeing a kid fuss for two minutes and make a lot of judgments about how they were or would be better parents.
1
@Di
Do you have young kids? I do. Spend time at any playground or playing field and you'll see -- there are indeed "legions" of kids literally competing (and usually losing) against devices for the attention of their parents. Children don't miss anything. They are keen observers of the human condition. And everything they see, hear, and feel, informs who they become later in life. If your nose is down and your eyes are glued to a phone whilst they ask for your attention, and you refuse to acknowledge that need for attention, you've told them what's more important to you without saying a word. And they will in turn emulate your behavior, and your values, as they grow.
7
I’ve heard it argued that the cyber apocalypse won’t be one in which a suddenly-awakened computer intelligence wrests control of the world from human beings but, rather, one in which humans willingly cede control - slowly and step-by-step as machine intelligence incrementally provides more convenience to us in the form of self driving cars, medical diagnoses and procedures, education platforms and methods, etc.
This threat of becoming voluntarily subject to a surveillance state seems perfectly consistent with that trend...and, scarily, much more immediate.
13
Just yesterday I was on the subway, and the only people reading paper books were kids. It's very easy to get hysterical about how the internet is destroying kids. They are more resilient that we give them credit.
(But there's no way I'd give a 10 year old son or daughter a smart phone.)
9
@Rauldougou
While a lot of those people on their phone might be looking at facebook and instagram and the like, but a lot of people you see on phones are reading a book on the phone. While I enjoy reading paper books, I also read a lot of ebooks because they are convenient, lot easier to carry, and because the phone is with me if I have 10 or 15 minutes to spare it is there so I can read.
9
@Rauldougou - I hope all my relatives’, friends’, and colleagues’ kids turn out like this. They’ve all had their photos posted to social media, although the parents run the gamut from those who post only sparingly to those who have documented every aspect of their kids’ lives since birth. I hope all of them - particularly the kids who basically exited the womb only to log online - end up reading paper books on the subway, in silence, someday.
To mash-paraphrase Orwell and Pogo, "We have met Big Brother, and it is us."
9
Anya
Your logic is flawed. You say the worry for kids on tech is overblown - we really should be worrying about their parents.
But the way the parents behave lately (poorly) is EXACTLY why we have to be alarmed for the kids!
The parents of teenagers only had iphones since 2007 and they were adult aged with presumably developed brains and personalities when they first encounted smartphones. Yet they are miserable people as you articulated.
So what chance have kids today who have smartphones and ipads from the cradle, before their brains have a chance to develop, have of being happier people and better parents than their parents?
Letting kids get hooked on tech early opens the doors wider to all the "adult" tech problems you describe.
Maybe you should read "Glow Kids" - instead of knocking it with your flawed premise. You just sound like one of the "doctors that prefer Camel cigarettes."
Good luck with that.
5
This resonates with me in a huge way. I was never a big social-media poster before my daughter arrived 5 years. I chalk it up to the fact that I’m on the tail end of Gen X and still remember stretching the kitchen phone to the basement stairs and closing the door on the cord for privacy during a call. For all of the reasons listed in the article - and particularly that we didn’t want our phones to be the extra parties in our relationships- My husband (who is not a social media poster) and I decided we weren’t comfortable with putting our kiddo and our lives out there for everyone to see.
He also very bluntly said “I don’t care what’s going on with anyone else’s kid and I don’t want her growing up thinking the whole world is applauding every time she farts.”
Interestingly, his sister, a millennial previously attached to her iPhone and Instagram account, told us that we were the inspiration for her baby daughter’s non-existent social media presence. She still posts sunsets and dog pics and girls weekend and date night, but her kiddo is a ghost. She even went so far as to ask the grandparents not to post for the first few months! Our rule also led her to find PhotoCircle, a private photo sharing app, where we and our invitees can share pics of the kids without clickbait and Facebook ads.
9
@SeattleMama
Kudos to you and especially your husband. My kids grew up pre-internet, but my grandchildren had Facebook pages before birth. It makes me shudder to think how their entire lives will be traceable when they are adults.
5
My teens are very surly about parental Facebook posts, even in grade school they didn’t like the idea. I now share their reluctance.
9
Finally, a sober view of what technology has done to children and their parents.
And people wonder why there is so much trouble in the world?
6
Who knew 15-20 years ago when signed up for various forums services that while companies were promising privacy to their consumers, they were using this false sense of trust to create thick profiles on individuals; and enabled by the government either directly or through sheer lack of action, sell these profiles to any entity with cash to use however they saw fit?
It bothers me greatly that schools now overwhelmingly use digital, online platforms (as opposed to local software) for everything ranging from grades, to attendance, to posting school projects, to monitoring their other online activities; and this data is not anonymous. These companies terms particularly don't by law have to offer much protection to children over the age of 13, who can often consent to services without parents' permission, yet they begin collecting and storing data on them long before that.
By co-opting the schools, Google and others in essence circumvent parental desires, with teachers pressuring parents who try to opt out, and even play on the kids' emotions.
In addition, kids and young adults are now so accustomed to being monitored, they don't see the harm in it. How can they lose privacy they don't even have, they reason.
11
Parents nowadays don’t want to put in the time and effort it takes to raise great kids. Instead they turn to daycare, tablets, and TV. Sure, parents complain about these issues but they are the most at fault. It’s so much easier to plop a toddler in front of the TV rather than actually engage with the child. They make all the excuses in the world. They say these are different times and it’s harder than ever to be a parent. Baloney! parents had it a lot tougher when there was no internet or daycare. If parents want to raise great kids then they have to put in the necessary time and effort. Something that is rare in the days of instant gratification and the internet.
11
Aren’t you forgetting the increased costs of life? It certainly is harder when it’s rare to be able to keep one parent at home. The increased difficulty of not being able to be with your kids is incalculable. I’m irritated by the slowness of the older generations to recognize these differences, and the eagerness to judge us.
13
@Austin...
Many of the "costs of life" have all the characteristics of "keeping up with the Joneses"
7
Hey @Austin, both my parents worked when I was growing up, and I'm nearly 60. I daresay they weren't trying to keep up with me 24/7, as I was under direction to go outside and play when they were home and come back in for dinner. And, as those very same parents used to say to me, "Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should." If today's parents are—rightly—so intent on keeping their kids safe, it should start with their privacy online. We should take a cue from celebrities who work diligently to keep their kids out of the public eye. With social media, we are all celebrities now.
4
Yes, stop the constant monitoring at school, I get it. Kids' privacy? Parents need to stop including their kids on their Facebook and Instagram posts. You want to share their photos and information with your far-flung family? There are countless other ways to share, old fashioned emails and picture-mail also work.
And sorry kids, if you get a smartphone, you give up your privacy (so do adults, in many ways). You want to keep things private? Old fashioned email, phone conversations and snail mail cannot be so easily monitored. There are many ways to avoid your parents' monitoring, but you don't have any rights when it comes to social media, because that is Pandora's Box.
Just like with TV in the 1960s, social media is a wasteland of limited human consciousness.
10
The moments I look up from my phone, and feel I missed an important moment in time, a glimpse into the quiet and still moments of family life, are the times I feel like I've failed as a parent. I wish this child had just seen me thinking about something far off, not staring into the phone.
I know my spouse is probably looking at an email, but we're all frustrated and no one is listening to our child five minutes after arriving home.
What are our actions telling this child? "This is ok." "Distraction by greedy devices is just part of our world." Or, what I fear: "I'm not listening to you, and you don't know why."
24
It seems a lot of parents are too busy on their own phones and social media to bother "raising" their children at all....as far as monetizing your offspring don't get me started. How can people not see this is wrong?
8
No, adults are not the horror show. Kids are exposed to far more threats today than they were in the past. Most parents are doing the best they can to protect their children while still giving them some semblance of autonomy. And they're trying to accomplish this while simultaneously holding down full-time jobs that require far more hours than in the past. The average American worker now logs 48 hours compared to 40 hours in the past.
It has become practically sport to demonize parents, blaming them for their children's unhappiness or failures. This is hardly the solution to the problem of how to raise kids in a 21st century world.
6
@Denise I hear what you're saying, and there are many important pieces of info here that this somewhat wondering article neglects to mention; especially related to the stresses on modern working parents.
However, we need to be empowered to make choices that place family above work. We must have civic lives if we wish to improve our work/family life. No policy or societal change happens without making time to make choices about our lives. My point, if we do nothing to push back on the 48 h work week and constant contact, then what does complaining about it do to solve the problem?
I'm seeing more people in my industry say, "Work ends at 5 PM," or "the week ends on Friday." Meaning, if it didn't get done today, it'll be done tomorrow. If it didn't get done this week, it will get done on Monday. And these are essentially small business owners who have the most to lose if they don't meet deadlines. But what does this push back on the 48h week do? It sets boundaries and limits expectations in the industry. Of course, serious deadlines occur and need to be met, but if we all set better boundaries between our connectivity to work, we might have time to think about decisions we make at home.
3
None of this covers one of the biggest digital dangers to kids: parents texting while driving. I see way too much of it as a pedestrian, on buses, on a bike. Lead by example and stop endangering your kids and other people's children.
27
@Multimodalmama, as another bicycle rider I say a big Amen to that !
6
My comment is actually one that is searching for an answer. Is all the discussion about posting children’s photos directed at parents who post photos of their children on the parent’s facebook page ? For the record: I am 75 and I read this article because I read the Times every day !
3
@John Taylor
I think the point is that parents are making their kids lives harder because they forget that kids have a right to their privacy. It is aimed at the parents who post kids pictures on facebook, post videos of the kids on You Tube, who share details of their kids life on the net without any sense that maybe, just maybe, it would make the kid uncomfortable, or worse, put them in danger. Back in the pre net era, parents of course shared things about their kids, you meet someone and they showed you pictures of the kids, people had home movies and home videos they would share with people who visited, but that was a narrow audience.
Today you have parents who post videos and pictures of their kids, talk about their kids lives, with billions of strangers, without thinking of the consequences, and more importantly, about their kids. Back in the day parents at times embarassed their kids, talked about things that maybe it was better to keep within the family, but that sharing was limited, but today a parent will post something their kid did, and suddenly millions if not billions see it. It is different sharing photos or videos if it is within a private group, but a lot of people are doing this literally sharing everything with the world.
Each day contains 24 hours, always have always will. What activities are you/your child giving up in order to watch cat/dog/squirrel etc videos? If your child would die next week, would the screen time be a regret?
Remember, electronics are tools. You can decide when, where and how much you use a tool.
6
Here’s what you need to know. Pandora’s box has been opened. The cat is out of the bag. That ship has sailed.
Complain all you want, but nothing me, you, schools, government, social scientists, tech experts, psychologists, physicians, concerned parents can do will change anything.
Interesting thought. There will come a day when robots will be more like humans and humans will be more like robots. That day is fast approaching.
3
@Travis Puck
There is plenty that can and should be done, but preaching defeatism isn't one of them.
4
@Frieda Vizel
Three things:
One, what are the "plenty that can and should be done" you mention? In detail please otherwise it's just a blanket statement not based on anything and no better than what you call my preaching defeatism.
Two, climate change. How's that working out for you? Climate scientists feel we are at or already past the tipping point. Any suggestions on what can and should be done there?
Three, you call me a defeatist, I say I'm a realist. I've been on this earth over 60 years and seen and heard a lot of how we need to do this or that and nothing happens. Example, I thought we were done with illegitimate wars after Vietnam but guess what? I thought a woman's right to choose would never again be challenged and guess what. The list goes on and on and on and...
3
Take all electronic devices out of class until eighth-nineth grade like elite private schools in Silicon Valley, they know the truth behind their lies and will not let their own children near them.
14
@Julienne Ritter they know the truth? Citations needed.
@Multimodalmama There was an article or two on this very topic in this paper not long ago. You can find it as easily as I or she.
2
I remember 20 years ago when people freaked out that if someone posted a photo of a kid’s birthday party, predators would track down the kids in the background (I.e. their kid) to kidnap, rape, and murder.
4
Amen. I have been saying this for at least ten years.
Some of these kids are gonna sue their parents eventually. People will be denied health insurance because their parent reported every detail of illnesses and injuries, or school admissions because the parent detailed learning problems, or employment because the parent reported teenage issues or because of immature things they once said or did that mom then broadcast, or even just romantic partners because the parent posted about obnoxious or embarrassing stuff they did.
It's really a dreadful mess, though the average Facebook parent apparently is oblivious.
5
I've told my sons they can have phones when they have jobs. My father did get them tablets, but use is very restricted. These things are not necessary, and in lots of ways limit creativity. Also, it is rather difficult to play with your kids if you are trying to record them playing.
8
On more than one occasion I've been eating out at a restaurant and the two parents sitting next to our table were totally absorbed in their phones. Their kids (probably between 6 and 9 years old) didn't have phones or screens of any kind. Those kids looked so bored and so sad. I kept hoping the parents would put down their phones and pay even a little bit of attention to their kids. Parents are just as bad if not worse than kids about overuse of their screens.
45
Children's privacy concerns in this article are overblown. What about parents' responsibility, legal and moral. Aren't they required by law, and expected as responsible people, to protect their own children's welfare as they see fir, and not a pundit in a newspaper?
3
@Jack
The key word there is how they see fit, and that is the problem, a lot of parents think they are doing the right thing and they aren't. There was a case recently where a kid supposedly reached out on reddit, where the kids parents had him under video surveillance in places like the bedroom and bathroom, because they were religious nuts who believed masturbation was 'evil' and were spying on him to make sure he didn't do it. I am sure in their worldview the evils of masturbation is such that it is fit to spy on the kid like that, but I doubt many people would consider that fit parenting, and experts certainly wouldn't. There is a difference from being a responsible parent and being a parent who in the guise of 'protecting them' goes over the top; the parent who keeps an eye when their kid is playing, who makes sure they know where the kids is, is a responsible parent; the one who refuses to let his kid to play at all, or refuses to allow the kid to have friends, who refuses to let them play outside the home, is damaging the kid.
Let us be REAL specific-its social media that is the rel scourge beyond the basic ADD inducing an enhancing effects of smart -hens throughout childhood before is can read, even think clearly. There is NOTHING Ogan with wanting to know where you 12 year old is at all times and who she/he is with. They are still KIDS !!! But we need to beak up /regulate the zuckerberg empire as soon as possible.
@John Wesley - How did we let 12 year olds out of the house before smart phones to tell us where they were?
5
@Mantissa
Thanks you, Mantissa, back in the days before smart phones and the internet and GPS tracking there was a little thing known as parenting, where there was the concept of trust between the parent and child. Funny, my parents expected me to do keep track of my homework myself, they expected me to behave in school, to study for tests, they didn't need to look online all the time to see what was going on; if I got a bad report card, or the teacher requested a conference, they would know I wasn't doing the work and I would face consequences. My mom would want to know where I was going and who with, but she trusted me enough to let me be free enough to have my own life, rather than having to monitor exactly where i was and so forth. That doesn't mean 'let the kid do what he wants', it means "give the kid as much freedom as you can while retaining control". The Chinese government model of parenting is tempting, it is akin to wrapping a kid up in buddle wrap and not letting them do anything, but it doesn't work. Good parenting is that you don't let a kid have a phone until they have shown they are ready for it and have demonstrated responsibility; bad parenting is giving a kid a phone because everyone else does, and then putting police state security around it because you don't trust them.
2
Many of these questions are hard with no easy answers. What does stand out: the immediate need for a constitutional amendment plus legislation to assert each person's ownership of their personal data and to define hard and soft limits for third party access.
Imagine for example if a data broker or advertiser had to ask for my consent to use some of my data, with a right-to-use period of 6 months to a year. This lease model is no different than me leasing a software product.
Some data should not be shareable, period, unless there is need to know which legislation can define. Clear instructions for resale are needed to avoid data leakage. Maybe, for example, it's ok for my car insurance to have driving habit data but it might be wise to not allow resale to others. Facial recognition is fine per se but if, say, Boston PD has such data through a contractor that contractor must absolutely be only a SaaS provider and have only access to such data for the contractual purposes, perhaps a carefully curated sample for testing and development.
Lastly, I suggest minors' online records should be expunged at the legal age (18 or other). Maybe it is practically impossible to clear every server but the law can prohibit such use under strict penalties.
We have enough experience with use-case incidents - id theft, data theft, misuse of data, etc., that legislators, informed by a suitable body of experts, can draft a constitutional amendment and suitable legislation based on that.
8
@DM
All of these horses have LONG since fled from this barn, I'm afraid - locking the barn now won't help much. Kind of like the Equifax data breach (and numerous other breaches). It's done, people.
If you have a newborn or very small child now, it's not too late to exercise some common sense. If you've already posted hundreds of photos and videos and stories of your child online - oh well.
3
Kids' dependence on electronic gadgets to occupy their mind space and to determine their relationships, to always be looking down at the thing in their hand and not the world around them--this is a story that cannot end well.
10
@scrumble
Hate to tell you, but that is what a lot of parents and adults are doing, too. It reminds me of this Subaru ad where this twerp is prattling on about how she has 1500 friends on facebook, and she is worried because her parents only have like 10 friends on there..meanwhile, in the ad, the daughter is busy looking at cat videos and reading what her 'friends' are posting, while the parents are seen out enjoying being with friends, doing things, etc....the sad part is, that young twerp is like what a lot of adults are doing these days, not young ones, but people in their 30's and 40's and 50's.
2
I see it all the time on the street, in stores, in train stations, everywhere people go:
Adults give the very young kids their hand held devices to keep them "quiet" and "amuse" themselves while the adult does whatever the adult is doing at the time so they do not worry about their kid.
Then adults complain and worry about their slightly larger kids and these devices?
The dissonance is staggering.
The kids are NOT alright.
6
@Joanne Dougan How do you know that they are not alright? Would you be the one complaining if they were fidgety and noisy? Can you supply some scientific evidence that they are being harmed versus an adult physically smacking them for making noise like in the good old days?
2
We already made the decision not to post pictures of any eventual child on social media. We will also ask others not to post the pictures we do share with them through other means.
The opinion highlights exactly our concern. What goes on the internet stays on the internet. I don't feel comfortable making decisions about a child's digital presence when they aren't old enough to have a conversation about digital privacy. This is speaking as a millennial too. No thank you.
I happen to agree with limiting screens for young children too. Technology is not inherently evil or anything. I simply think digital space is not very good for early developmental psychology. We're working on eye-hand coordination. The kid is still processing the novelty of depth perception. You want to hand the one year old a tablet? Again, no thanks.
School is harder to avoid. That's more of the school's fault than the parents though. If you asked me a preference, I would say report cards quarterly at most. Maybe updates if the teacher notices a real problem. I really don't care about every quiz and homework assignment. I certainly wouldn't appreciate another web interface to learn. We experienced enough of those in our own schooling. Report card meet mailbox. Done.
Hypothetically, I'd prefer to start a child on technology when they express an interest in technology rather than a screen. Then we can go about setting up a system where they can learn and explore. That would be my ideal.
14
It's easy, Do NOT post about one's kids in Facebook or other social media. I broke the rule only once or twice when something that was very public was achieved ( a sports championship or a graduation ). And my settings are on friends only. It's bizarre when parents use their accounts to brag about their children or make it seem that their having offspring is in manner special and truly unique. The main reason I abstained is the point in the article. It is so uncool to be presenting somebody else's life as a promoter looking for like clicks and comment validation. The worst examples are the accounts who have their children's photos rather than their own in the profile and prominent photos.
9
And, I NEVER once examined my children's personal electronics - be it laptop browser, chat logs, photo files etc. My kids got their first smartphones in middle school. Show respect as a parent.
5
@Eigo : you might speak to a teacher or someone you regard as an ethical guide about this. Most children do require supervision, because they are children. They may be perfect jewels of honesty worthy of your respect, but the average middle schooler still needs parental advice as he or she confronts daily new and bewildering situations. Do not abandon them to their own not fully-developed governance before they are ready. This is respecting their needs as children.
12
My kids are adults. And they received then and now direct parenting in the guise of ethical guidance, physical welfare, discipline, academic and love. But with the modicum of privacy intact.
1
What it must be like to be a child growing up with the internet today, not to mention the processes of childhood in future ages as communications systems grow still more powerful and sophisticated, permanent and impossible to remove fixtures in not only society but from the minds of children and therefore future adult citizens of society?
As communications systems get more powerful, sophisticated, it's difficult not to logically conclude that humanity will be plunged into a pantheistic worldview, because these systems are a medium in every sense of the word, systems which as they become more sophisticated bring not only the minds of the human race in extraordinarily sensitive contact (break down language barriers, are conducive to universal methods of communication such as science and mathematics) but open the possibility of communication with intelligent machines of our own invention (A.I.) and any other information sending systems, entities "out there", extra-human, even possibly not of this earth, meaning the better, the more universal the communications system the more ANYTHING can make use of it, get on it for its own purposes, come into contact with our minds, have influence on humanity.
Therefore children in the future will increasingly not only have to deal with the shortcomings of human morality, behavior and intellect, they will increasingly not know who or even what they are communicating with, coming into contact with over message mediums of society.
4
Fascinating article! I have long wondered about the effects of oversharing by parents on social media -- but was not at all aware of the privacy loss inherent in school tech and software. We seem to be sleepwalking towards a future where the only privacy is inside our own heads. Pretty scary.
8
The main problem with interactive screens for kids, actually for everyone, is that everybody spends their time with screens and screen society, and not with actual people. So kids are being marketed to, not new. So parents are keeping up with their kid's whereabouts and grades, not new. Two generations have grown up not playing by themselves and always under adults supervision. It's the non interaction with the real world that's the issue, a real fundamental change in how people interact. Stop focusing on tangential issues and start researching what interacting with a screen and screen society does. Me, if I were a young parent, I would limit my child's screen time and most importantly, get of it myself.
4
What about parents who are easily influenced by online health information that might make them afraid of things like vaccinations?
13
The author focuses on issues relating to privacy, but I think our electronic devices present a much more fundamental challenge to young people (and hence to 'future adults'): they encourage them to sit passively, usually indoors, rather than interacting with each other and the broader world. I have seen this firsthand over my 30-year career as a college professor. I used to walk into a classroom and see students talking to each other, laughing, sharing; now, I walk in before class, and most of them are just staring silently at their phones. Same thing in the common areas in-between classes: they walk along staring at their phones, sometimes so distracted that they walk into other people.
Electronic devices are marketed as a technology to make us more "connected," but in reality they seem to do the opposite.
153
This is huge, the description of students sitting quietly and staring at their phones versus talking with each other. This is the issue in a nutshell.
37
I imagine that these heavily monitored kids will one day be adults so used to being watched that they'll be fine living in a surveillance state. Instead of parents watching their every move, it will be the government. North Korea has a great system, I understand. And, East Germany raised surveillance of citizens to an art form. How easy for adults to accept such a system in the U.S. when their parents prepared them for it by constantly watching them? It becomes second nature to accept that you are never alone. Brave new world, indeed.
19
"Children are now under intense scrutiny from a young age, from platforms and advertisers, but also parents and other authority figures."
Parents and authority figures supervising children?
When was that not the case? Before cell phones, instead of a student being able to text another student, the student would have to write a message on a scrap of paper, roll it into a ball and scoot it under desks to the recipient, who would pretend to drop a pencil and scoop the message from the floor.
If the teacher noticed, a good possibility she'd confiscate the message and read it aloud to the class, which could be embarrassing for the child.
There was no right to privacy from adults because children require adult supervision.
The danger that didn't exist then was that now adults and children can share information on a searchable internet, and many seem unaware of the possible consequences of that.
4
I am certain that it is our kids' generation that will actually find solutions to these issues. After all, they are born into this online, always-connected culture. What worries me more is our (parents') generation's own relationship with tech and social media. We constantly share pictures, worry about how many likes we get, don't drop our phones from our hands -- even when we're driving. Our kids are learning to wait for our attention when there's a screen around. And most of us thought that this was the greatest invention ten years ago. Boy, didn't we have any clue, nor any self discipline for that matter. Wake up adults! Start acting like good examples yourselves!
4
@Alex
In my experience, the kids have no idea what is wrong with the current setup. While the adults remember a world where connections offline were positive, today's kids cannot imagine such a dull world. It is not their fault. They were raised to believe they need to solve global warming and all social justice issues and make a career above all, so you can't blame them for not understanding what ails our society.
But I've seen it time and time again: today's kids don't understand what is wrong with their social world. They have experienced nothing else and don't understand what price they are paying.
4
Yes. It is a complex area. On the one hand I very much enjoy seeing the pics of my cousin's granddaughter on Facebook - pics I would not see otherwise. On the other hand I have wondered about a variety of things including the children's right to privacy as they grow.
I wonder, too, about the emotional development of children who are constantly being photographed and posted online. One FB friend, a colleague, has a lovely little granddaughter. Ever since she was a baby (she's about 5 now) grandpa has posted dozens of close-up shots of that kid. I often wonder what, if any, impact so very much camera presence has on a child's developing ego and sense of self (and, particularly for girls, the amount of importance they come to attach to how they look).
Of course, that part of it is not just an adult-child issue. More and more as I travel I see others spending far more time trying to capture every experience and angel with a phone/camera than they spend actually being there and looking at the view in front of them sans the camera lens. Sometimes I want to shake them and say, "Just BE here for a few moments" for I fear they will be seeing it for the first time after they get home.
It's almost as if folks seem to think that they have to capture all of life (kids included) on 'film' or else it won't be real and/or they won't remember it.
21
@Anne-Marie Hislop
People feel like they overcome the transience of life when they photograph it for forever. It gives the person a sense of control over what's remembered and how. It is a cheap way to horde experiences instead of dealing with letting them go.
I think we should just live and not try to control the uncontrollable, but I understand the tremendous temptation to record and shape stories. Humans have done it forever. Only technology turned it into a kind of monstrous all-consuming impulse.
3
@Frieda Vizel
True. Sad, though, sometimes to watch in action.
1
The digital age has fostered amaturism and arrested development. It's no wonder we have children raising children.
2
@Phil M right. Because those who had kids in their teens (much of the older generations, including my parents) and physically abused them as "control" and "discipline" did soooo much better a job of raising kids? Look at the crime rates during the "spanked" generation's reign of terror and try again.
Glow kids! Wow that’s funny. But sad at the same time. No little kid needs a cell phone they need Dad and Mom. We didn’t allow cell phones until our boys were teenagers and yes they were looked at as deprived but they survived indeed they thrived. I cringed when my 6 year old granddaughter was given a cell phone. But I guess every generation has it’s bogeyman. Mine was The Beatles with their long hair! Lol
OTOH, corporate America has been burrowing into privacy for decades. Your welcome kids!
1
Last year, I found myself posting yet another photo of my (yes, adorable! they are!) toddler children to Instagram. I realized that nearly ALL of the photos that I had been sharing were of them. They got more "likes" than, say, nature photos. It suddenly felt really wrong. I began to realize that I was crafting an image of them for my friends to enjoy versus allowing them to develop their own way of being viewed in the world when they were ready (ie, teenagers). I deleted my Instagram account; I had deleted my Facebook account when my oldest was a few days old because of similar concerns. At first, I genuinely felt like I was missing out on something, but a year later I am satisfied with my decision and actually can't believe how cavalier I was with my children's privacy and images.
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It is well documented that parental conversation with children helps to set kids up for future educational success: parents talking to infants, essentially narrating what the children see and experience, is what develops advanced language skills. (I once saw a statistic that affluent children hear something like 2-3 times as many words as their lower income peers that contributes to the persistent achievement gap.)
My children, in their early teens now, were born before the advent of the smartphone. We spent many days at the park or zoo or even on a neighborhood walk with me providing an audio description of all that they were seeing. While I don’t think I was particularly unique in this approach, I believe it did indeed contribute to their language skills.
Now I see parents out with young children and babies, where the children are oblivious to what’s going on around them because they’re watching a video on an iPhone. Or, equally egregious, parents are ignoring their children because they’re listening to something through earbuds or talking to someone on the phone.
If early language acquisition is an essential component of academic success, I really wonder how parents’ over-reliance on using devices to distract and entertain will affect children’s school readiness and further down the road, their academic success. It certainly does nothing for the development of children’s social skills—or for parents’ for that matter.
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@EWood God forbid a parent call their parents, siblings, or friends while out with their kid. Or listen to a podcast in between doing a craft at home in the morning and going to the zoo in the afternoon. Your kids are teens now, but surely you remember how tedious young children can be. All parents needs some 'adult time'.
Also, we should all remember that observing a parent for a few minutes on the street or playground does not give any insight into the other 23 hours and 55 minutes a day of interactions that parent has with their kid. Let's all dial back the judgment and assumptions going on in this thread.
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@Ophelia
I think you're being a little defensive. @EWood is actually referencing a study mentioned in an article in this very paper only a few weeks ago. There is a correlation between a child's exposure to language and their academic outcomes.
I don't remember exactly but the gist was kids from wealthier backgrounds are exposed to several million more different words during early development than their less privileged peers. Wealthier parents had more time to read and speak with their children. This had more impact on their academic outcomes than anything else, money notwithstanding.
I'm not sure talking to a child in a running narrative does any good. I'm not sure that makes any difference from playing a podcast on a speaker rather than using earbuds. Less contextual I suppose but the child is also hearing different words from different people with different intonations than a parent might use. So... I have know idea?
I think important point is an adult is sharing adult things with a child who will learn more quickly if you do. You can only do that if you spend time with your child rather than at work or checked out.
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My son is six and he and I like to play video games together. I worry about screen time, but what worries me more is not interacting with your child. I see many children at the park running around while their parents stare at cellphones. That is the bigger problem, parents not interacting with children.
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@Dennis I am 100% in agreement with you on screen time as an issue (my 3 year old gets to watch a movie on Friday night after daycare, and that is it). It is hard. But, I do think that my child should be able to play in the playground / park without me being the main source of entertainment. Let them play with their peers (with supervision, of course).
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@linus2008 Agree! Children don't need constant interaction with their parents, especially when they're around kids their own age. It's perfectly normal for them to run off and play with their peers without interference from adults.
In fact, I think that's the perfect time to text a friend, read an article, or just zone out for some 'me time'.
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As a parent, my fear of my daughter's smartphone obsession is that she's missing 'the real world'. When we go traveling, quite often her gaze is on her phone, rather than the unique view passing her by outside her window. Wherever she is, the content on her phone is the main act.
But then, what is the 'real world'? When she gets a job one day, she will likely be glued to her phone in the service of her employer. She will have learned how to navigate multiple on-screen tasks well in advance of college and employment. Business gets done on screens.
I go back and fourth on what I think about smartphones.
Part of me is very glad I grew up with atoms rather than pixels. We are creatures of the earth, and must understand our physical relationship to each other and the world around us. Smartphones disrupt our connection to reality with curated experiences that are largely mediated by large corporations.
Another part of me thinks that smartphones and fluid connectivity are simply the atmosphere of the modern world. The technology's not going anywhere. If anything, the idea of 'screen time' has become antiquated. I don't need to like this new reality to acknowledge it.
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@Questioner
I feel what you are saying. Most parents are conflicted and rationalize the presence of so much tech in their teen's lives because they really don't have a healthy other option. To unplug the kid and isolate them socially? That's not a healthy option either.
One important thing to remember about the problems of the pixel world is that it destroys attention spans. Kids who are used to always being entertained and can't sit with boredom are eventually unable to sit and process important but slow paced information. Most high quality ideas and relationships take longer attention spans, and tech takes that from kids.
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Thank you Anya for speaking up for the rights of children and the responsibilities of adults!
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Agency.
The only way we learn that we have it, to be our own masters, is to make our mistakes, to have private friendships, to explore our thinking and to express ourselves freely as we try to figure out just what is true and what is not true.
Agency requires privacy and being allowed to be a...kid.
But put too much pressure on a vulnerable child and the first thing that goes is the sense that they are a free agent, and then they become terribly good at being little mindless soldiers of obedience.
Hugh
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ClassDojo is particularly evil. My kid was traumatized by the idea that the teacher was rating his behavior in real time. Once, maybe by mistake or to make a point, the teacher used ClassDojo with her computer screen mirrored on the hightech class white board. Everyone could see in real time who was getting a smiley or a frowny face. It happened only once, but it made a lasting impact.
I keep telling my kids about Fahrenheit 451, which is not so much about a society burning books as it is about a bunch of "hobos" trying to escape a universal surveillance system. My kids know that if it's free, they are the product, but indeed, they have to use Google Docs in class. My college students have no idea what I am talking about when I mention Google's overreach. They don't know what a cookie is, they all order away with Prime. For them, it's as normal as the air they breeze.
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@EWood, Ask the teachers and admins if they click the 'I Agree' button without reading the agreement. Most will admit that they do this.
No such thing as a free lunch.
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@EWood FWIW, the privacy and data collection policies for GSuite for Education (including Google Classroom) are different than for their commercial products. You can learn more at https://edu.google.com/why-google/privacy-security/?modal_active=none. Note: GSuite for Education does not include YouTube.
I attended a school-sponsored parent information session on Google classroom. As the facilitator rhapsodized about all the great things teachers can do with GC, I asked one question: What privacy safeguards are in place to ensure protection of our children’s data? She was unable to answer my question.
Google (and others) have access to almost a lifetime of academic data for many kids; in some schools, use of GC starts in early grades. How will Google decide to monetize this data as the kids grow older? Sell it to a potential college? Employer? Will individuals’ adult opportunities be affected because they were a middling student in high school? In middle school? In elementary school? Will colleges begin to base their admission decisions based on students’ entire K-12 experience and not just HS?
We, as parents, have no way to opt our kids out of use of these products; nor do the schools obtain our permission to use them in the first place. Cash-strapped, schools will leap at something offered cheap or free. School boards & local governments feel no need to fund technology that protects privacy since GC and its ilk are available free.
We have been so blasé about surrendering our privacy, we haven’t stopped to think about what we have given up. Until it’s too late. And it is almost too late.
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Most parents are certainly complicit in selling their children to the surveillance state. But moral responsibility is complicated. When I observe the interactions of either adults or children with technology I don't see people making choices. I see people in the service of compulsions, people becoming exactly what technology was designed to make of them: sources of data & profit. It is their natural human urge to participate in relationships and society which is twisted into the thing that monetizes and destroys relationships and society.
The ignorance, denial, and manipulation that facilitate their behavior is implicit in the design of technology, and enabled by legislators who refuse to regulate it. Blaming the elimination of childhood on parents is like blaming individual drivers for climate change. It avoids the issue, while making us feel morally superior. The only ones with the power to stop the destruction of childhood, privacy & freedom that is entailed in the conversion of private life into a bureaucracy of profitable data are our elected legislators.
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@Martin
I very much appreciated your first paragraph, particularly your line about being 'in the service of compulsions'. Excellent description.
However, I disagree with your plea not to blame parents. Many parents buy cell phones for 10 year olds, allow them to be used at dinner, bury their nose in them and ignore their children, etc, etc. I'm a parent of two kids (11, 9 yrs) and they are a rarity in our neighborhood in not having their own devices.
Parents need to set the example and not capitulate with a false hope that legislators are going to save the day. They won't...but we parents need to do something to establish social norms that promote giving kids the tangible social and educational skills, and maturity, to handle the negative aspects of mobile technology.
No phones for kids until at least 8th, if not 10th grade. Have kids buy them with money they earn, and if they don't have a job, give them money for book reports.
No screen time until kids are reading books (1st-3rd grade) (exceptions for facetime relatives or long haul trips).
No screens at dinner, playdates, sleepovers.
Before kids get their devices, have them read articles about increase in teen anxiety, depression, suicide tied to screen time. If they don't have the maturity to handle this discussion responsibly, they don't have the maturity for the phone.
Once they get devices, continue to monitor/limit usage. Establish some form of a screen sabbath.
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@Luddite
All good and well. Great ideas. But totally unrealistic. If you understand human psychology and human behavior, you know that you can't just make a list of how it should ideally be and then it will be that way.
It's no coincidence that in the Hasidic community we see thousands of kids and teens with zero smartphones, headphones or gadgets and a few streets over in the same Brooklyn all kids are staring at screens. It's not that Hasidim got your list of rules and the others didn't; it's that the greater societal structure drives the individual behavior. The only solution that fits with human psychology is societal.
I find it super ironic that we tend to have such a strong social belief in the power of the individual to self-direct that we do nothing on a social level. This leaves a vacuum that corporate interests fill with their ad based conditioning and shiny branding. We buy into it all, every fancy gadget and connectable medium.
We are still herd animals; only we believe we are not.
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As I read this I kept waiting for this, but it never came.
The biggest impact tech has on child-parent relationships is parental attention to their devices over their child.
So there.
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@Sandra R, not being a parent myself, I try not to judge. However, I have noticed parents of young children seeming to ignore their kids, more than seems ... necessary.
I've also seen parents of very young children engaging with them a lot. So, there's also hope. I think. :)
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@Sandra R
In most circumstances, people would rather interact with screens that with people. This applies to children as well as parents. This is how screens are designed to work--by hijacking our social instincts so they can be monetized.
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@Sandra R Just to point out the other side, a parent may have had to leave work to be at the playground, or soccer game, or home for dinner. Staying connected to work is just the reality for many professionals - parents or otherwise. I know in my job I'm really unable to be phone-free on evenings or weekends because I'm expected to be responsive to my clients and supervisors. I try to draw boundaries, but I'm not perfect.
And let's not forget that regardless of whether a parent works outside the home, childcare can be tedious and repetitive. It's not that hard to empathize with a parent on the playground enjoying some adult mental stimulation from a NY Times article instead watching his or her kid do a cartwheel for the hundredth time that morning.
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So overstated compared to the other problems of just having a smartphone in the first place during the middle school and teenage years.
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Wow. Thank you Anya Kamenetz for so elegantly articulating what I've been thinking for years. And it isn't just millennial parents who are doing this, either. I'm a Gen. X-er, and my friends and siblings have been curating their children's online presence ever since the dawn of Facebook. This first generation are adults now, out there is the world trying to get into college and pursue careers. It would be really interesting to ask them how that's going, and what they think and feel about their childhoods having been mined for "likes" without their knowledge or consent.
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