Confronting a Childhood Abuser

An incredibly moving piece. I understand that the angle was a very personal one, focused mostly on Sean, but something that felt glossed over was what the Mormon Church ACTUALLY did about it, both with the initial report and the later public one. It seems that Sterling had a prominent life involved with the church. Many churches (and other powerful organizations) seem to sweep stuff like this under the rug. This would be an interesting followup.

To Sean or any other survivors of abuse: your sharing your story helps not only other survivors of the same abuser, but also other survivors of other abusers, and helps society at large to understand the extent to which abuse (of all types) takes place. Hopefully it also helps create cultural support for survivors to come forward, and ultimately systemic reform to reduce the occurrence rate & resources available for survivors of abuse.

This man's family may have meant well, but in truth they utterly failed him. The consequences could have been dire if no one else had come forward. I am so glad he stayed the course despite that...

I am shocked that this story did not also include coverage of the Mormon Church for its complicity in the cover up of this crime. Like the Catholic Church which often offered counseling and relocation to its child abusers, the Mormon Church in this instance appears to have enabled this man to continue his abusive behavior. The Boston Globe’s investigation into the revelations they uncovered was much deeper. This episode of the daily just left me disturbed and wondering about yet another institution that might be enabling sexual child abuse.

What a remarkable piece. I eagerly await my daily dose of The Daily and it never ceases to hold my attention. Today’s podcast was incredibly moving and compelling. It carried the voice, pain and consequences of victims of abuse. Sean was an incredible storyteller, coupled with the balanced and thoughtful collaboration of the reporter, I kept wanting to hear more. A truly shocking and impactful story. Thank you.

This was an incredibly powerful story of a man’s quest for justice, healing and redemption. I cried with pain as I drove to work thinking of my sister who was raped and came forth during the beginning of the me too movement. Thank you Mr Escobar and the reporter.

As a retired psychologist I believe that Sean did exactly the right thing. The perpetrator was brought to justice and will receive severe punishment through imprisonment. I wish Sean the best wishes for his courage and hope that his life will be more calm in the future. If Sean experiences additional stress over this issue I encourage him to seek out counseling from a therapist qualified to deal with child molestation.

Wow just wow. Well done The Daily

A well done piece. I hope Mr Escobar is able to find an excellent therapist if he hasn't already, to help ease his suffering. He is a brave man. Thank you.

What a powerful piece. I have always suspected that pedophiles are particularly attracted to children that have a special light. This testimony attests to that fact. The reports does a wonderful job of how hard it is for a truly good person to grapple with the ongoing battle to negotiate between good and evil.

Sean, I, too, confronted my abuser about 5 years ago. My narcissist mother psychologically abused me for 32 years. She abuses with gaslighting, neglect, guilt tactics, lies, and conditional love, to name a few. When I was 16, I talked to her about going to counseling because I thought I had depression and anxiety. She had converted to Mormonism when she was 16 and she had learned from the religious culture in Provo that when dealing with these kind of problems, it's best to see a Bishop (kind of like a married priest) or, as she put it, you have to "fight it" with no details on what that meant. I never went to anyone about these problems. I was 17 when I began thinking of suicide. At 31, I realized that both my parents psychologically abused me after my ex-wife abandoned me. I traveled to Provo on Mom's birthday. I explained to her that she had abused me in these ways, and if she stopped then, I would forgive her for everything in the past. We cried, and she hugged me. I thought the abuse was over. She continued to abuse me, and a year after that meeting I traveled to Provo, again, to talk to her about stopping her abuses. She was in tears during that emotional conversation, and right then, out of pure fear of the unknown possible outcomes, my father said to me, "I now know why your ex-wife left you!", "You are not my son!", and, "I don't have a son!" Since that time, I stopped all communication with my family, because my mother continues to harass me. What should I do?

I am a regular listener to The Daily. I just finished listening to this episode. For me, it is one of the most incredible, gripping, powerful and moving episodes of any radio show or podcast I've heard. I knew nothing of this story until listening this morning, and it has blown me away.

I did not understand if the second victim was a member of the family? Did the accuser say "another member of my family came forward"? Did the storyteller have a feeling that he might have been seeking revenge on the perpetrator? I found the notion of "revenge" were it true to be surprising. I associate Mormon culture with "checking your motives". Also, I wondered about his family's reaction to the confirmation the accuser received; had they been under pressure in the community not to have outed such a prominent figure? Lots going on here that I wish I better understood.

Another excellent, if troubling, story. Thanks for bringing Sean’s story to light. It reveals how much damage can be caused by childhood abuse. The light darkens. Nothing excuses what he did. And not sure this abuser is sorry or really understands. Or ever will. And I’m sad that Sean felt the need to apologize to the abuser for asking his questions. How brave he is. I wish him peace.

I am critically aware that churches don't have the best track record in handling such things, but it is a huge disservice to victims and their families to paint a picture that their church and religious leaders won't actually help them. For many a victim of sexual abuse, especially by a family member, a trusted and caring religious leader is a safe person to talk to and get help. Compare your wording to the reporting in the Salt Lake Tribune. (https://www.sltrib.com/news/2019/02/05/noted-latter-day-saint/) The Tribune article writes that Sterling was told to report himself to the police, which he did and when the detectives followed up with Sean’s family they declined to press charges. NO criticism is meant of Sean’s parents and how they chose to handle this. But the church leaders didn’t just cover this up and even though charges were not pressed Sterling was "disfellowshiped." Which is not everything this man deserved, but it is no small thing religiously. When I listened to your podcast initially (about 9 minutes in) I actually thought you were reporting that the Mormon church wanted to protect Sterling’s reputation. From the Tribune article, I now understand you meant that Sean’s parents were trying to protect Sean's reputation. I wish this was more clear! Please post an update, not to defend a church, but to make sure that victims know their religious leaders are there to help them. Please don't denigrate these many valuable advocates in this war against abuse.

Something is rotten in the state of Utah. Why didn't Ms. Harris explore the Mormon Church's conspicuous absence/ignorance which allowed for a second (conservative estimate) victimization? Why did one additional victim, a victim who is a Van Wagenen family member(!!!), validate Mr. Escobar's actions of turning to the Truth and Transparency Foundation? Had not Mr. Escobar already specifically contacted the wife and children of Van Wagenen? And, why would turning to Springer, Phil, Oz, or Judge Judy bring closure if Escobar was the only victim? To me Escobar isn't so much of a validated hero, as the Mormon Church and Van Wagenens are monsters.

Brave and bravo!

I'd like to pen a message to Sean. Sean - I take a different view from what you expressed in this podcast. When that man did what he did, then it is his lookout to deal w the consequences of his act. It is your truth to tell about what happened to you. It is not your responsibility to worry about his life, his career, his family, or whatever. That is on him, considering he chose to take that action, and sexually abuse you. You need not ever have felt any remorse about telling the truth about what he did to you, regardless of whether anyone else ever came forward. What would come about from that truth telling is not your concern. In fact, in many cases, as in yours, it leads to people attacking a victim for speaking up, or as in your case, relatives being disappointed in you for simply telling that truth. I am disappointed in your mother and wife for making you feel bad, and even disappointed in you for questioning whether you should have come forward. Would you tell another sexual abuse victim that they must keep quiet for the sake of their abuser's reputation? I hope not.

Sean - what that man did, and the consequences related to that, are on him, not on you. You need not feel remorse for telling the truth about what happened to you, regardless if anyone ever came forward or not.