Get Your Kids to Go to Sleep — and Stay Asleep — in the Same Room

Our three children share a room (ages 9, 5 and 2) so we can have a home office and so our kids sleep on the same floor as us. There are definitely challenges. We have a lark who would wake her siblings if we didn’t whisk her out of the room at first peep. And summer bedtimes can be challenging (black out curtains help!). But our kids are also tremendously close, and are learning that they are not the center of the universe - they are part of a team and you have to be considerate of your teammates.

My daughters who are 2 years apart shared a room until the older went off to college. The strictly enforced rule was they had to be quiet after a certain time but could read in bed. It was never a problem...their big fights were over one of them taking the other's things. I think sharing a room was a great experience for them in learning how to work out differences and compromise. I can see it might not work as well if they were different genders or farther apart in age.

Developing good sleep habits starts in infancy. If it's not resolved there, it won't "just get better with time". My two children shared a room starting when the youngest was about 18 months old. They shared until the eldest was 9 - he would have liked to continue - she wanted her own room so when friends came to play, they could keep her brother out - can't do that when it's his room, too! This same daughter did the same with her two boys. The younger moved in at about age 2 - still napped separately, though, as he napped in a crib. They shared until the eldest left for college this past fall. I'm surprised that this article recommends what I think are rather late bedtime hours. Mine were in bed by 6:30 when toddlers; moved up to 7 until they were about 8, then 8:30 till in middle school. When a child is OVER-tired, they appear to NOT be tired and are wired. Most parents allow their children to stay up way too late due to parent's late work hours.

My two daughters (2 years and 4.5 years old) room share and have been doing so since the younger one was 18 months. We have a consistent bedtime of 8pm and find both sleep better when together. They end up talking to each other to wind down after lights out which means fewer visits are needed from Mom/Dad. Another benefit is they're usually up earlier than we are and will play together/read in their room after they get up rather than coming to find a parent - that extra 30 mins of parental sleep is invaluable!

Excellent article. Sleep issues are absolutely critical matters for families everywhere. One poor sleeper makes the entire house miserable. Two comments: We have developed a "wanderer" (age 2.5) who falls asleep in his own but will wake and migrate into ours at 3AM, or so, then will sleep until 7 in the our bed. For us, it is easier to let him do this, and hope he grows out of it, rather than move him back....at least so far! Also, your comment about autistic children seems contrary to our experience. We have found that sharing a room, for such a child, is an excellent way to learn about personal boundaries ("be quiet so your brother can sleep" etc.) and develop bonds that might otherwise not occur. This has worked for us. I'd like to see a counterpoint from a neurologist on this, maybe at the Pediatric Sleep Center - because sleeping is very hard for some autistic children. ...I can see both sides, here.

I think you missed a point when you thought a sticker would be a more powerful reinforcer than attention or a tummy rub. To change behavior first understand it’s function, then use that understanding to change contingencies. I am guessing the sleep specialist was not a psychologist or that would have been understood.

Would be great if these types of articles would always include advice for parents of twins, even just a few sentences would be appreciated. We have one twin who sleeps well and the other doesn't (wakes up because of wet diaper, thirst, etc., and then will not go back to sleep) and there always is a risk of the latter waking up the former. The boys are two, so advice that includes a 3-year-old and a 6-year-old, or a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old as examples is not helpful--There is no "older child" to move out of the room, and we can't "[a]sk [our] kids what would make them feel most comfortable."

I have never had a room to myself. I shared a room with my sister growing up, had roomates in college, and have shared a room and bed with my husband for 45 years. It is not just learning compromise when you share a room, it also teaches us that we can put up with a whole lot more than we think we can.