"So whenever I have those critiques about toxic masculinity, I am not absolving myself. I am not saying, you guys need to do better, it’s “we.” Even if I have had whatever incremental revolution necessary to make those statements, I have still been socialized. I don’t want to position myself as some sort of singular beacon of progress, because I’m not that at all. I am still definitely a work in progress. I just don’t want to hurt people."
This. But, something interesting(to me at least) happened when I read this. I substituted racism for "toxic masculinity". Being white, male, and born and raised in the rural South, I too was socialized. It's been interesting to me to realize that I have the power to choose what my relationships will be with people whom I was taught to have a particular kind of relationship with. Mostly, a toxic one.
Thank you for the interview. I can't wait to read the book.
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"Or when I was like 14, 15 years old, and I actually wanted to be called the N-word just so I could have a fight story. And when that doesn’t happen it’s like, What is it about me that doesn’t make you think that I am a threat? Just admitting that out loud and knowing that people are going to read that, it’s absurd. Obviously it’s this terrible, horrible thing, being called the N-word. But it’s connected to the absurdity of trying to make sense of existing while black, coping with it. You get to a point where you are anticipating bias."
I appreciate the author's honesty here. This seems to be a recurring theme for many African Americans that they yearn to victims of bias or racism, so they have a story to tell that can lend them credibility or "prove" something about their character.
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This article to me was especially interesting as viewed through the lens of someone who teaches basic semiotics. This passage alone contains so many semiotic indicators for analysis: "I cultivated a lifetime’s worth of Oscar-worthy performances attempting to meet a certain hyper-heterosexual ideal I believed — and still kind of, sort of believe — was/is expected of me. The economy of performance exists throughout the book. Here’s me on a date at 24 pretending that my driver’s license was suspended because, one, admitting that I didn’t have one would have dented that hyper-hetero facade and two, saying it was “suspended” also added a level of badassness.
"Or when I was like 15 years old, and I actually wanted to be called the N-word just so I could have a fight story. And when that doesn’t happen it’s like, What is it about me that doesn’t make you think that I am a threat? Just admitting that out loud and knowing that people are going to read that, it’s absurd... it’s this terrible, horrible thing, being called the N-word. But it’s connected to the absurdity of trying to make sense of existing while black,... You get to a point where you are anticipating bias."
It seems that there is an implied connection between oppression and "authentic Black Male experience" and that there is a direct link between being a 'Cis- Male' and driving a car.
Mr. Young clearly grew up believing these things defined himself in terms of others expectations. Now, he must re-sign for himself
10
Damon, if you read these comments know this,
if the book is anything like this interview I am all in!
I grew up in Cleveland and lived there 39 years. Man I identify with your experience and how you relate to it... look forward to the book which I ordered while writing i am writing my comment. thanks, good stuff-best of luck
36
Having also heard the NPR interview today I can only question a few of the views proposed by the author. The idea of gentrification alluded to as" white women in yoga pants drinking lattes" and new townhomes where appropriately the ghetto did exist is profound today in city environs. Where I live also ,section eight housing ,derilect buildings with plywood in the windows and crime has been replaced by more expensive ,modern housing and safe neighborhoods.Has the racial denomination changed ,maybe yes to a certain extent ,yet ,we must ask what the tradeoff is?Wwho is better off and is Mr. Youngs family safer,also? Next ,the case of Mr. Rose,who knowingly got into a car with other young men with guns with the intention of shooting and killing other Black individuals,what could go wrong. and with all of Mr. Youngs youthful transgressions ,how did he prevent himself from getting into such an altercation,and if such would he have portrayed himself as the victim.
7
I can't wait to get my hands on this book! I respect how he kept at it even through financial instability. Perseverance pays off...eventually.
7
As a devotee of black excellence & after what I would describe as a successful academic career at a major university medical school, I am still coming to terms with the long (& sometimes bitter) struggle required to make this a reality. Now that I am retired, I would like to consider this from the perspective not only of institutional resistance but also that due to some personal shortcomings (eg. defensiveness, anger, resentment) that impeded my progress. Meanwhile, I look forward to reading this book. Thank you.
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" in this story where I was the victim I was actually the villain. Maybe this person who I considered to be so confident was actually performing just like I was."
We all are performing and judging and trying to figure out how we fit, a constant balancing act. This memoir seems like a really good way to talk to young people about roles, financial insecurity and race without a lecture.
32
It’s encouraging to read and listen to this generation of young Black Men attempting to define the outcomes or consequences of lifestyles. However, many start by taking the first Wrong step! For Black men the beginning of the thousand mile journey starts with the Brain not what’s below the belt! Yes, sex and code words like masculinity get attention but contributes little to solving the major problems in Black Communities. Showing how to stop violence, addiction, and functional illiteracy is Not sexy or exciting but it’s what we need to focus on. Bad Brains make Bad decisions!
10
Love VSB, love living in Pittsburgh. Look forward to reading WDKYMYB. Thanks, Damon
8
I don't get hives for food. Otherwise nice article and interesting guy. I like the picture - handsome and a closed fist which I guess relates to the macho, real and not, referred to in the article.
Ha! Sounds like an interesting read. Can definitely relate to digging into old memories where you realize you were more of a villain than a victim/innocent player. And I love Pittsburgh too.
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