Comments: 132

  1. I agree that taking my future husband's last name is a beautiful symbol for our unification, but the choice is entirely up to the couple. If the bride feels that taking her spouse's last name diminishes an important part of her identity, there should be no obligation to do so.

  2. i feel like there's some pressure for me to break a norm and not take my future husband's last name, but that's not what i'm doing. there's something special about taking his last name -- it's a fresh start.

  3. @jessica I love how simply you put this. I think it makes the idea even stronger. I definitely agree to what you said it is a fresh start and a new journey that begins.

  4. This is something I've already begun questioning. I think it should be an individual choice, and I don't think women should be expected to change their last name.

  5. I feel especially attached to my last name because my grandpa used to tell me to have pride in the fact that my last name is passed down all the way from Yi Seong-gye, who was the founder and the first king of the Joseon dynasty of Korea. Being able to pass down the last names to the next generation is a big deal in the Korean culture, and because I grew up hearing the importance of the last name I have, I would like to keep my last name if I am able to. But again, the extremely long history of the last name is not really a thing for many people living in the US, which means they probably won't understand my pride in my own last name. I think people choose to take their spouse's last name just because that shows the new relationship they have after marriage, and because that's what people have been doing for a while in the US. I think fewer people will change their last names when they get married in the future because taking spouse's last name is some traditional culture that people have been following just because everyone else did; however, once some people start the "trend" of not changing their last names, I think more people would like to do that as well.

  6. While I don't think it should be an expectation for anyone to take anyone else's last name, especially not a woman to take a man's, I do think I will hyphenate my last name. As long as I feel very attached to my partner, I will take her last name. I am not very attached to my own.

  7. I think that in the future less people will choose to take the last name of their spouse because we are challenging norms that previously went unexamined. Children can have hyphenated names to encompass both of their parents last names. Recently, I have decided I want to hyphenate my last name because both Jacobs and Gonzalez (my mother's maiden name) have cultural significance.

  8. I am not sure whether more people or fewer people will change their last name. On the one hand, mostly the woman changes her last name to match the husbands. Today, more and more woman are expressing their femininity and not wanting to change for a man. In that case, I don't think that (at least the female population) will change their last name when married. On the other hand, as a society, we are obsessed with image, how we look and sound to other people. This means we can desire to change our names just due to the fact that it sounds better. It would be much better to be named Ashely Stone rather than Ashley Higgnebottom. It all just depends on what sounds better to the public.

  9. I think that the discussion of not taking your spouse's last name is a very current topic. In recent years, I find that women don't feel the need to take the last name due to not feeling like the property in the husbands' name. For me, I don't think there is right or wrong for this and it should be about what the couple discusses together. Everyone has their different reasons of wanting or not wanting to take the last name and I believe they should all be respected. I know that I will probably have to have that discussion with my future spouse as my last name is important to me being the youngest one in the family to have my last name, yet I still find the changing of your last name to symbolize the new chapter of your life.

  10. Honestly, none of this resonated with me and I don't get it. I mean I understand the tradition part, and the symbolic unity but marriage was founded on the idea that women are possessions. They took the man's last time to show that they were owned. As I'm writing this every guy in my class answering this question is joking and dismissing the matter as trivial and all the girls are conflicted, and I think that says something. Many women change their names because it was expected of them, and sometimes they weren't even offered a choice. My opinion, as a lesbian, is a bit different. I believe that because names are titles, they inherently have power and both partners should have a choice/discussion about what they want their names to be. If you hate your last name, you don't think it represents you, or it's important to you, you should be able to keep or change it as you see fit. For example, I've heard of queer women adopting their partners last name because their family rejected them, and they wanted to symbolize the creation of a new family. I've heard of trans people taking on different last names simply because it's more masculine or feminine, and immigrants keeping their last names because it is reflects their heritage and experiences. Same with the children question. It should be discussed by the couple in a respectful manner that takes into account the identity of all parties. I personally haven't even dealt with my first time which is too feminine.

  11. One particular aspect that resonated with me was the dilemma between given names, especially as an adoptee. The choice to reclaim a name that matched one's ethnicity was something I hadn't thought about, despite being adopted myself, because my parents kept my given name as my first name. I do feel strange about my last name though, because my father is Caucasian. I know that my name is already unique, and not having an Asian last name has made me feel dissonant about who I am and how people see me. If I were to get married, I don't know if I'd want to change my last name. As much confusion as it brings me, I want to own who I am, and keeping my name as I've always known it may be a way to do so. I think that I'll have to see where I am if I get married. I believe that people should do what they feel comfortable with, despite what society, cultures or families prefer. Whether that means changing one, both or none of their last names, everyone comes from different backgrounds and has different relationships with their names.

  12. When it comes to last names, I never thought about the importance that it held to me. My mom kept her maiden name when she got married, but my brother and I have my dad's last name. I always assumed that I would eventually adapt my future spouse's last name, just because that's what I saw growing up. In Asian culture, most women adopt their husband's last name because it is assumed that they would take care of their mother-in-law while the husband worked. It is a very traditional, conservative way of thinking, but one that I was always told by my grandparents. I think as a society we place too much power on spoken words. Adopting a last name shouldn't be judged upon and in reality, the only reason one might ever choose to not adopt a last name is to keep the existing legacy of a last name. For example, my brother is the only grandson of my dad's side, and thus if he chose to change his last name, there would no longer be an existing member of our family with our last name, thus our legacy would die. However, I think more people will choose not to change their names in the future, as we find that holding onto the past because more increasingly important the further we start to get away from it. We want to hold on to any last piece of the past and legacy, which is what we associate our last names with.

  13. I wouldn't change my last name. My last name goes back quite a long time and ties me closely to my large Polish background. Especially since I'm a first generation American. However, I wouldn't make my spouse change hers either for the same reason. I'm sure my future wife has stories and sentimental ties to her name the same way I do. As our society develops and changes, I think we'll be seeing people change their last names less and less as the whole idea of individualism expands.

  14. I think a lot of the time people change their last name because it seems to be the culturally appropriate thing to do. However, this is not the case for everyone. Personally, I have never exactly thought about changing my name because I still have a ways to go before it is something I have to think about. I love my last name, but I am not sure that I have an intense connection to it regarding my identity. If my future husband has a greater connection to his last name, I don't think I will have a problem changing my last name. Not because I am subjecting myself to this feminine norm, but because I want my family name to be respected and connected to me and my spouse.

  15. Personally, I don't feel fully connected to my last name because it comes with a negative history. My paternal grandfather on my dad's side was absent from my life, as well as my dad's because he left him at a very young age. I don't really understand why my dad decided to keep his last name and not take his mother's last name. Nonetheless, all of my friends know me by my last name and it's Polish, which I'm very proud of, so I do like it in general. But, do I feel connected to it? Not really, which is why I'd willingly take my husband's last name. It's also against Polish tradition to not take my husband's last name, so I wouldn't have a choice in the matter regardless.

  16. You don’t become your husband when you marry him. Why would you change your identity to indicate that you have? This mantra is one that my mother repeated to me thousands of times throughout my childhood. As a strong feminist, she never changed her last name when she married my father twenty-five years ago. I think my mother’s decision to keep her last name laid the foundation for my parent’s strong marriage. It represented the notion that in order for two people to be partners, they must also be individuals.

  17. @Dana Horowitz I think that it is important to note, however, that a change in your last name isn't entirely indicative of a change in your identity. I agree that you shouldn't change your identity simply because you marry someone, but many people feel that changing their last name to match their partners is an act of love, to show that they are committed to each other, and that they'll take on the world together.

  18. @Dana Horowitz I agree but changing your last name doesn't mean you're becoming your husband or wife.

  19. I have always envisioned myself taking the last name of my future husband. My last name, Miller, is a somewhat popular last name and often does not come with any confusion. However, when I do find my future husband, I would hope that his last name is 'simple.' While I would never use it as a deterrent from marrying someone, it is something that I would put some private thought into; I would never want to embarrass or upset my husband with apprehension towards his last name. A name is, after all, just one way of defining a person. I do not put too much thought into my first name, Allison, let alone my middle or last names, and I do not plan on doing so once I am married.

  20. I think many people have different views on why or why not they changed their name/ if they will. There is no black and white answer, traditionally many women change their last name in order to have their husbands last name. As we are in 2019, our world has really learned more about how everyone is different, and we need to except everyone. Women's rights the past couple of years have been very out there and women have a lot more rights than before, I think some women feel strong that they can keep their last name because why would you change to be someone else's? I know through my family though there are many different reasons, my mom is a lawyer and wanted to keep her last name because that is how she was known to at work.

  21. I think that in the future, about the same amount of people will change their last names when they get married. Cho states that it was something that she grew up thinking that she would do, and I believe that for a lot of people, it is the same way. Tradition is a powerful motivator, and I think that unless someone feels strongly about either their last name, or the last name of their partner, they will follow the traditional change in their last name.

  22. My name has always been extremely special to me. I was named after my grandmother who I never had the privilege to meet, yet, I carry her with me every day. This name reminds me of all her positive attributes and encourages me to find them in myself. The name Georg'Ann and my last name Daly both have huge ties to who my grandmother, and my family, is. However, I had always planned that should I marry a boy I would take his last name. In the same way Ms. Ho writes, this tradition has always seemed important to me because it symbolizes the bond you two share and your children will also take that name. That being said, I'm still going to keep my last name as part of my legal name when I do get married. I'll still go by Mrs. (Insert future last name here) but my full identity will include my family name of Daly because that is who I am. My name will build and grow as I do. I'll always be Georg'Ann Daly, there will simply be another name, and another part of who I am, in the future.

  23. I think the practice of taking your spouse's last name is a very traditional thing to do. Personally, I know I will take the last name of my spouse no matter what their name is. I'm very traditional in that sense and just know it is what I want to do. I think over time less and less people will take on their spouse's last name because of certain beliefs and jobs that may require keeping your last name. Seems that we are moving away from a lot of the traditional acts that once dominated our society in the past.

  24. I don't think at a certain point it will either become a norm to change your last name to your spouses or not. I think that it will always be a personal prefrence whether you feel like you want to or not. Changing a last name for some people is a symbol of unifying a marriage it means that you are offically one but for others it is meaningless. Some reasons one wouldn't want to change their last name is for the reason that they have already accomplished somethng big in life and their name is on a certificate or simply becasue they jsut feel connected to it and gives them a sense of their life in the past. Either way someone chooses to do it should be respected and not define them as a person.

  25. I anticipate that I will likely hyphen my last name upon marriage because of my culture. In the Colombian culture, it is common for women, especially those with established careers to keep their maiden name after marriage. However because I identify as Colombian-American, I want to find a blend between the both parts of my identity. By hyphenating my last name I will be able to keep my Colombian identity and stay close to my family and still honor my American identity and my spouse. As for children, I think that will depend on my spouse and their beliefs and preferences. While I want them to have part of me with them, I would not mind giving them only one last name, meaning my spouse's.

  26. I've never thought about keeping my last name when I get married. Whenever I would think about getting married I always associated it with changing my last name. In todays society it's becoming more and more common to not take your husbands last name when you get married and maybe take a different route. Many people now combine names or hyphenate them to have both last names come together to make a new one. I think that whether or not you decide to change your last name is completely up to you and as long as you're happily married it shouldn't matter what your last name is.

  27. Even though I don't have that much of a connection or attachment to my last name, I don't ever think I would want my last name to be changed. I think it's apart of my identity and how it makes me connect with the world. My last name might not be unique, but it makes me connect with my family and other people. I don't really think someone should change their name, your last name is what identifies you and what your children inherit, and I feel that there will be a trend towards more families keeping the last name they were given rather than using someone else.

  28. I believe that in the future it will be a more common practice that both spouces will change there names rather than one taking another. In the past it was traditonal that a wife name would take her spouses name but as we continue empower the moddern modern woman I think we will see a rise in spouses choosing new names or men taking womens names.

  29. I believe that some people choose to take their spouses name because they don't like their own last names or they just feel like their spouse's last name is just better. There are also people who don't want to take their spouse's last name because it either doesn't fit them or they just like their own last name and they'd like to identify themselves as it.

  30. @Chinna I agree with what your saying but I think that it is important the reason behind changing your last name and not just changing it because yours isn't ideal.

  31. As an American Latino, I've been growing up with the thought that my last name "Rodriguez" was always a name that showed my ancestry and all the hardship my predecessors went through for me to be where I a right now. As a "Rodriguez" I've never felt discouraged or alienated from my race, family, or the public.

  32. Last names for children are kind of confusing. For example, with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's children, they all have "Jolie-Pitt" as their last names. If I have children, I would pick the last name that sounds best with their first name. I wouldn't get my feelings hurt if my child doesn't have my last name, I just want whatever sounds best and would result in them not getting teased in school.

  33. Whatever people choose to do, they can do, I have no official opinion on the matter of last name change, yet in the future it would most likely be a more common theme of a changed last name rather than the traditional 'he takes or I take hers'.

  34. I think that in the future fewer people will change their last names when they get married because last names symbolize a whole culture and changing your last name can feel like losing a part of your identity. I think hyphenated or two last names will become more common because if neither people want to change their last name then it would only make sense that the child takes both the names.

  35. I would keep my last name because it's pretty rare to find. But, if I do get engaged to someone who has a unique last name that also sounds good with my name, I might consider changing it. I would even consider having two if both last names go well together. For my kids, I would just give them both last names (if they sound good), or the father's last name. To me, sound and the flow of the names together is what really matters.

  36. I think that people tend to choose to change their names because of tradition throughout either one or both of their families. Changing the last name of the bride has existed as a marital practice since marriage was established long ago. I also believe that in modern society, the groom has decided to change their name more often since America, specifically, has become much more inclusive. In the future, I think that more people will change their name more because of choice rather than tradition or if you happen to be in this same scenario that Eddie and the author were in culturally.

  37. I think that in the future more people would be willing to change their names. I think that more people will becasue they dont like the family they came from. another reason I think people would like to change their last name is (Like it was stated in the essay) people feel like their names dont belong in the place they live. one last reason is that people want to be more creative and dont like they way it feels

  38. If a child is born to parents who have separate names I think it should the child's choice to do what they want, if it was my choice I'd do something like Jetti Jackson-Stout which is my mom's maiden name and my dad's last name. When I get married, if I do, I'd take my mans name.

  39. I'm pretty attached to my last name because of how unique it is. Because it's so uncommon, it connects me directly to my family and my Sicilian heritage, both of which are big parts of who I am. I think people might choose to not take their spouse's last name because they have a strong connection to their culture. Some women might not want to take their husband's last name because they think the practice is outdated. I think we will see a rise in combined last names and men taking their wives' last names.

  40. I think that i will only change my last name if i get married if i sounds good with my first name

  41. @bella Facts

  42. I think changing my name would depend on what my spouse's surname is. I am very connected to my surname, but I don't mind changing my name. If my spouse's name is too ridiculous, I will keep my name or hyphenate it. I think the practice is overdone, but so traditional it won't stop being done.

  43. I'm pretty sure the reason why people take another persons last name mostly the husband to show that your with the person forever, but some might not like the last name or just likes there last name ,so they keep there last name.

  44. In my opinion I think that a person takes their spouse's last name is to prove that they're together or taken or not available.

  45. I guess people will be more and more willing to keep their last name because people tend to marry later these days, so as Ms. Ho explains it could cause some "problems" regarding one's career. Besides, with all the feminist ideas that are increasingly widespread I think women will be less and less willing to give up their names for their husbands.. YET as far as I am concerned I guess I will definitely choose my future husband's name. Even though it does feel somewhat weird to think I won't be called the same someday, marriage is also about becoming a family, and I think having a common name is a strong symbol for such a beautiful commitment. Besides, if all children have hyphenated names in the future, what names should they choose for their own children once they are married...? I am afraid things would be a bit complicated... Moreover I would be afraid it would raise tensions or cause conflicts.. And if both spouses change their names, even though it may seem fair, the very idea of family and union will not be present anymore, because it would look like some secluded fragments... I think it would somehow be against the very idea of marriage. BUT I guess it also surely depends on the family's history and past...

  46. Yes it is tradition and many females spend their lives dreaming of the day they find their fairy-tale perfect love and absorb themselves into his identity. Yet many strongly oppose and refuse to commit themselves to a man in which they lose their own name. I believe that everyone has the right to make their own choice based on their own values. But, because it is so rooted in tradition, countless women change their name, without second thought, simply because that's what they are supposed to do. I feel females should be better educated upon their choice of whether or not to keep their name.

  47. Having the choice to keep or change your last name has always been an interesting topic that has crossed my mind. My aunt kept her last name and I was always curious why she did that? My mom told me that she was just proud of who she was. But I didn't understand, was my mom not proud of who she was since she changed her last name? My mom told me that the short reason why she changed her last name was that her old one was hard to pronounce and long. I think that there's more to her decision but I've never been able to get it out of her. When I decide to get married, or whatever my job will be, I want to keep my last name because my work is mine and not my husbands of everything I have accomplished in life. I want to take my hard work and credit for everything I have succeeded in.

  48. I really like that we're having this discussion, because it draws attention to our changing society. As a lesbian, the concept of a woman changing her name after getting married is a bit heteronormative to me. It's unhealthy to assume that a woman will change her name after getting married, because a) it assumes she's getting married to a man and b) it forces straight woman into a role of submission they might not necessarily want to be in. If a woman really wants to take her spouse's name, she could, but I strongly believe that the tradition perpetuates heteronormativity and submission to men. Overall, women should have the freedom to choose the name they most closely identify with, independent of stringent social expectations.

  49. Since my dad passed away, my grandparents have told me from age 4 that I have to keep my last name or my dad would be disappointed in me for letting his last name die. To most women, this poses a problem, because women are expected to take their husband's last name (which is bull, but not my point). Jokes on them, I'm a lesbian, can do whatever I want, and am never having kids anyway. I'll change my name just to spite them.

  50. Ms. Ho's essay was quite interesting in my opinion and I believe she has a valid reason for not feeling so attached to her spouse's last name. Attachment towards the last name can be significant to an individual and I personally have mixed feelings about my last name. My dad's father was not always present early on and divorced from my grandma who I believe is a strong individual. There are a number of reasons why someone may not take their spouse's last name and it could be as simple as it not fitting well with the first name. If an individual has a strong connection with their present last name or simply like it for what it stands for, I don't think there should be any obligation to accept their spouse's last name. In the future, I envision a mixture of what names will be taken and I believe it won't be uncommon for men to take their wives names or to even combine them if they feel as though it would work better. Society is advancing quickly and breaking social constructs and norms is something that I've seen more recently so it wouldn't surprise me.

  51. I believe that changing one's last name in marriage is an entirely personal decision based on the context of a relationship. Marriage in of itself can have a variety of interpretations, whether it be family based, belief based, or faith based, but regardless I believe that changing one's last name should be a personal decision. Personally, I identify closely with my last name and family, so I think it's highly unlikely that I change my own last name in the future, but I don't necessarily have the expectation that my spouse should change their last name.

  52. To me, choosing to take a last name is not synonymous with giving up my identity. Perhaps I am like Ho and am somewhat of a traditionalist in terms of marriage, but I see sharing name as more of a joining of a unified family and less of a submission. That being said, I am not a traditionalist in the sense that it must be the male's last name in a heterosexual relationship. I do believe that more and more people will begin to either keep their name or find a compromise of choosing which name or a combination of both to share together. Children should have luxury of only having one last name, not only because it makes life "easier" so to speak, but also for the sake of a sense of grounding of their own personal identity. Although both parents keeping their last name may be more "progressive", it can provoke the issue of which name is "dominant" enough to pass it on to the children to preserve their identity. I believe finding a solution to this issue is solely on a personal level, and whatever you are comfortable with depending on you individualism, children, job and preferences.

  53. I think the biggest attachment I have with my last name is how it is at the beginning of the alphabet. I've never lamented about changing my name after marriage, but I've also not considered it. I think it really depends on the person for if they decided to keep their original last name or not based because if I were to have accomplished something I would want to take credit for my work.

  54. This is actually a topic that I have thought about a lot before. I don't think that I would ever completely get rid of my name. I think that getting married does not mean getting rid of your own identity, but rather combining and being equal. As a feminist, I think it is important for women to have their own identities, and I think it isn't right that most of the time women are the ones giving up their names for their husband. Having said this, I am not opposed to hyphenation. I think it creates a more equal relationship if both me and my spouse were to take each other's last names. That way I wouldn't give up my identity for my husband, and we are both equal. I would say that I would either hyphenate or just keep my name, but I don't ever see myself taking the name of my husband and getting rid of my own identity. While it's just a name, too often females have to conform to the males in society, and just because I'm getting married does not mean I have to get rid of my identity.

  55. I've never really been one to imagine my name attached to someone elses. I've never had a crush on a boy and written his last name with my name to see if it "fit". I feel like my last name is a part of my identity and shows where my family is from. I really don't know if I will change my name if/when I get married, but I think that it will be a conversation and something I will put a lot of thought into. I tend to be a very traditional person but some traditions are meant to be broken I suppose. When it comes to names for kids, what is the harm in combining them? Not taking the last name of your spouse hurts no one and really all it is is a personal decision. As we move into the future, I think fewer people will take the last names of their spouses simply for the sake of convenience, and also because there really is no purpose.

  56. Changing your name is not as easy as people think. There are so many different reasons why someone would rather not change their last name. For example, there are many people who had a professional life, which could consist of multiple college degrees, scientific publications, and other works, prior to getting married. This would mean that should someone decide to change their name, they would have to go through a lot of paperwork to make a simple change to all the work they've done in their professional life. On top of it being an inconvenience, there are many women who claim that getting married to their husband didn't change them as a person any more than their husband. To some people, a last name means a lot more than a word on their i.d., it represents their life and everything they've been through, both their past and their future. Their name is their entire identity and they don't wish for that to be summed up to the man they decided to marry. Overall, I don't think it's right to judge or assume someone's decision to keep their last name was just for the sake of challenging stereotypes,, and even if it was, that's totally fine. We could all just....mind our own business?

  57. I've had an opinion on this for quite some time. Personally, I would never take my husband's last name, even if they're my absolute, perfect soulmate. Besides aesthetic reasons, and how my first and last name has a nice ring to it, I don't want to change my name because my last name is part of my identity. I have dreams of becoming a doctor when I grow up, and if I work that hard and go to that much school to achieve that, I don't want to change my name to someone else's who didn't do the work that I accomplished. My work is my own and I want my name to be reflected in that. Despite my strong feelings on keeping my last name, I have less strong feelings on the prospect of changing my kids' last names. I wouldn't want to hyphenate them because I don't want to make their lives more difficult than they need to be. But, I do have a little bit of an issue with kids inheriting last names. I come from a family of all girls, so my last name will most likely die with me. It just doesn't seem fair that kids are supposed to take their father's last name, and that raises a question that bugs me: why is it not more common for kids to take their mother's last name?

  58. I have always envisioned myself changing my last name. Although, I don't believe that this is necessary or that anyone should or should not change their last name. I think hyphenated names are a good compromise for those who are both attached to their last names. I believe it is a good way to show commitment to one another during a marriage, although I think it entirely depends on the marriage. Having two brothers, I always thought about how I would grow up and no longer share a last name with my entire immediate family, but I also always pictured doing so. I think it is very situational based on the couple.

  59. I don't feel that attached to my last name. Growing up, I was always a lot closer to my mom's family giving me a greater connection to her maiden name than my own last name. I love the sound of last name and how it works with my first name, but I don't feel a sense of connection to it. That being said, when I get married I would be all for changing my name. At that point, I can receive a name that I feel a connection to because it will belong to the person who I choose to spend the rest of my life with. I think that sharing a last name with your spouse allows you to have something you both share and are both proud of.

  60. I have always thought I would take my husband's last name, however I think the choice is important. I believe that the idea of individualism is expanding, more and more people will keep their last names in the future. Although I don't have a specific attachment to my last name, I know many people do and it's nice to have the freedom to keep that attachment or to hyphenate. This should be completely up to the individual or the couple to decide.

  61. To be completely honest, I think it's a personal decision either way. I've known men who have changed their last names because of ironic innuendos, and I've known women who have kept their last names to preserve family lines. Each individual story has had meaning and purpose behind it, so I believe that as long as one thinks through the decision instead of blindly following the norms, any decision should be accepted. Personally, I could foresee myself changing my last name. It's Smith, so it's not exactly personal and I don't feel very attached to it. Plus, I'm hoping to become a teacher and there are probably already enough Ms. Smith's at each school. However, if my husband's last name is ridiculous, again hoping to become a teacher I might opt for the more bland option. All in all, who cares as long as each person is happy?

  62. My last name is clearly "foreign" in America, but I wouldn't let it go for any reason. I'm not overly attached to it, but it's like a small pin I wear on a jacket to show my pride in my culture. That being said, no one should feel ashamed or feel as though they're "rejecting" their culture by taking a surname of a different origin. People take on their spouses' last names sometimes to celebrate their joint union/family. Some people might go into a career where "name brand/recognition" is important, and that would be another reason to keep their surname. They aren't being "selfish," and a woman changing her last name isn't "unfeminist." More people in the future, I think, will choose to keep their last names. The definition of family is evolving, and old signifiers of a family aren't necessary to define a family. Ultimately, it's a personal choice, and we definitely should not cast judgement either way.

  63. If I get married one day, I think I won't change my surname. I have made an identity for myself and if I changed it I would feel like it would be changing who I am. Though nothing physically would change, as my personal name would still be the same, I would just feel so different to be called something new. I appreciate my last name, Meehan. I feel like it reflects myself more than, my first name, which others tend to use more often.. When I write my surname, I think of everyone I know that has carried the same name, imagining the legacy I am now a part of Ms. Ho’s husband is attached to his last name due to the fact that he was adopted and found a family that cares for him, therefore he feels like that's his identity and not who he was before then. Mr. Obermueller is proud of his accomplishments and memories as he is not the person he was when he was living in an orphanage. He is bonded to his new name and not someone else. I agree with his perspective my whole life I have been this person and changing a key characteristic in myself would make me feel less of the person I was. Writing a different surname down every time I write down my name would become less my own name and rather someone else's identity. I feel more comfortable with this identity of staying consistent with myself and not changing the person that I have had memories as.

  64. @Kathryn Meehan Do you think changing your last name will make it more confusing to people?

  65. @Kathryn Meehan I agree with you. You shouldn't have to change your last name because as you change your last name you lose part of your identity.

  66. I believe the idea of taking the last name of your spouse is a harmless idea that merely signifies the union of two souls. Throughout her article, Ho discusses that this idea is believed to be the work of the patriarchy. I believe this is totally false, as it was originally intended to show the love two people feel. Whether your name is part of you is just personal preference. Ho mentions how often people choose to keep their last name because it is a symbol of what they came from. This makes total sense to me, as I can understand that many people wish to honor their family name. As for whether the name fits you, this is also just up to preference. If it doesn't sound right, I don't see a problem with keeping what feels good to you. All in all, though, if your spouse's last name fits then I see no problem with accepting it as a symbol of the bonding of two people.

  67. I believe that the idea of keeping my last name is good. I also think that if my wife wanted to change her last name it would be preferred however, if she didn't I wouldn't say no because in my opinion the last name doesn't mean much. I think that thoughts around last names are evolving and that people don't really care about the last name as much as they used to.

  68. I think the biggest thing that resonates with me from this article is that the author didn't feel attached to her husband's last name. In my personal opinion, I don't feel that you should feel attached to the last name but the person and the relationship you share. For myself, I have always thought that "giving up" my last name to take on a new one was a no brainer. I use the term "giving up" in quotations because I will always still have strong ties to my last name and I don't see it as "giving up" my last name because I will never give up who I am. My last name doesn't define me but it has helped shape me into the person I am today and so, therefore, changing my last name won't change me.

  69. For question number five, I believe that the kids should have a hyphenated last name. I believe this because if the kids only inherit one of their parent's last names not the other, it kinda makes it seem like the other parent isn't/wasn't around. But this doesn't mean this will happen in every case if the other parent has passed away the other parent could give the last name to the kids to make the deceased parent's name go on. I think it mainly depends on the situation, and who the people are.

  70. I always thought about changing my last name. My mom changed her name to my dad's, so I thought it would be completely normal. Growing up in this society and I have seen a lot of women not taking their husband's name and has made me think a little bit about the topic. I think when I am older depending on who I will be married to I might take their last name or might keep my own. I haven't really thought about what I am going to do with my name since it seems really far down the road. I like how we all have a choice. I think that it is important that we have a choice and we can decide what we want to do with our name. Our name is a part of our identity and it is very important to all of us. In other countries some people are forced to marry and take the husband's name. I think that is wrong. I think everyone should get a choice just like we do in the United States.

  71. When I get married someday I don think I will change my last name since my last name is very important to me. It represents pass genorations of my family leading all the way back to Russia. It represents who I am and my last name tells a story of my family going far, far, back. This is a reason people chose to not take their spouse's name. A reason why people chose to take their spouses name is either to represent their family or maybe because they know their name will be passed down, but his or her spouses name will not sine they are maybe an only child.

  72. I think some people don't take their spouse's last name for many reason like, they might be an only child or like Mrs. Ho said in the article it doesn't feel like it's her. I'm not an only child but I am the only person in my family with my last name. I feel my last name is who I am, I wouldn't be me without it. My future husband doesn't have to take my last name,I don't even expect him to. Although he better think twice if he thinks that our kids aren't getting part of my last name, although i'd be okay with it being hyphenated.

  73. One thing that resonated with me from Ms. Ho’s essay was the overall question of will you change your last name when you get married. All my life that seemed like a no brainer but this opened my eyes to what goes into making that decision. Unlike Ms. Ho who feels that her husband is not properly attached to his last name, I definitely do feel attached. The biggest difference between myself and her husband is that I wasn't adopted. My parents had me, I know where I came from and have not had significant events like him that impact my name or show my journey. I think people choose to accept their spouses names because it is the norm, and it is a big step in marriage as well as becoming a family.

  74. The thing that resonated with me the most about Ho's article is why woman do choose to take their husbands names once they get married. Her point of view on the subject made me think of this question in a new light as she writes that it's "a beautiful symbol of the union we were committing to forever." I found that to be a really nice sentiment. In terms of my last name, I do feel attached to it, mainly because I grew up somewhat surrounded by a French culture, as both of my great-grandparents and my grandfathers first language was French. I know that I would have second thoughts about taking my husbands last name just because of the societal standards and oppressive culture it does have in American history, as Ho mentions in her article. However, there are people who will change their name if they favor their spouses more, or as Ho said, out of a symbol of romance and unity. I've honestly never really thought about both partners changing their names once married, I'm definitely not opposed to it, but I do like the idea of keeping your last name 'alive' or in the family. As for the kids, hyphenating two long last names just sounds like a nightmare; maybe I'd suggest giving the children the spouses or my last name, and give them a meaningful and familial middle name. I think the tradition of changing last names when married will start to occur less and less in the future. I truly think it boils down to wanting to keep a part of identity once you promise yourself to another.

  75. I personally think that spouses choose to take on the same last name because it signifies unity. It's a step in the joining of their lives.

  76. In my opinion, the main reason why spouses take each others’ last names is for the uniform identity that results from it. In my opinion, it is incredibly endearing to “become one” with your significant other in last name; it shows a commitment from both people to each other. Furthermore, for the sake of legality, it makes things much more convenient and organized. Thus, when my future wife and I get married, it is importatnt to me that we share a last name. However, this last name does not necessarily have to be mine — what’s more important to me is the sentiment and commitment behind the actioons and not how it actually occurs. I know that traditionally, the wife takes up the husbands last name, but I would be more than happy to take up my wife’s last name if she would rather that occur.

  77. This is something that my mom struggled with. When she was first born she had her biological father's last name. When my grandma remarried, they took on my step-grandfather's last name once he legally became her dad. And once she married my dad, she had a whole other conflict of changing her last name for the third time or keeping the name she had. She eventually gave up her middle name, changed her maiden name to be her middle name and took my dad's last name. I think she felt unattached to the last name despite her love for the family it was connected to. Personally, I think changing your last name, whether it be the husband's or the wife's, is a symbol of unity between two. It is a sign to the outside eyes that the two hearts are belonging to each other which, in my eyes, is a romantic gesture. That being said, I love the way my mother handled the situation and embraced the unique changes that each name brought into her life.

  78. I think I most resonated with the idea of wanting a last name that fits your identity. Growing up, we put so much effort into creating the person behind our name, and into shaping that person into someone who we are proud of. Our names carry weight, and after struggling for so long as adolescents to find ourselves and create our own identities, we want a name that will fit this person.

  79. Because I am Korean, I know that my last name has a specific meaning. My last name is "Park" and it is one of the three most common last names in all of Korea for its rich and historical background. The last name "Park" represents one of the three provinces long ago in Korean history, and I feel that although I am a Korean American that assimilated to American culture, I still have certain characteristics that I am proud of as a Korean as well.

  80. In the article Mrs. Ho talks about how she identifies with hr last name and not her husbands. I believe that changing your last name is all up to personal preference. If someone likes their last name because it represents their heritage, or even if they just like how their name sounds, I think that both are valid reasons. People should not have to change their name if they do not want to, and no one should pressure people into changing it. Personally, for me my last name is Brown, which is very common, so when I get married I am leaning towards changing my name. I don’t have any connection to my last name, and for me my first name is the only one that matters. I see changing my last name as a little thing to show how much I love my spouse, but I know not everyone feels the same.

  81. Its up to the person if they want to change their name or not. In my opinion it is unnecessary, I mean why does the woman need to change her name once she gets married, why doesn't the husband change his name to the wife's last name. In my point of view I see it like we are becoming owned by the other person and that's why we need to change our name. Yeah maybe we do not need to but why have the option to? Your name is your name and i don't think it id necessary to change your name if you don't want to.

  82. —What, if anything, resonates with you from Ms. Ho’s essay? If anything resonated me it would be the feeling of attachment towards the others last name and how it should fit your identity. — Ms. Ho writes about not feeling that her husband, who was adopted at age 9, is “properly attached” to his last name. Do you feel attached to your own last name? Why or why not? I feel attached to my last name because unlike Ms. Ho's husband I've had my name since I was born and its stuck and I feel attached to my last name and it truly gives me an identity as a person. — Why do you think people choose to take — or not take — their spouse’s last name? I think people chose to take their spouses last name purely on sound of it. People can sometimes grown up with last names that they hate and which causes them to take their spouses last name. In other cases people have grown to be attached to their last name causing them to stick with their name. — What is your opinion of the practice of both spouses changing their last name upon marriage? I like the idea of sharing a last name because it becomes a symbol of what you share. — What about last names for children? If two parents don’t share the same last name, what last name should any children have? Should they inherit one last name but not the other? Should the children have a hyphenated last name? To avoid the situation I believe that parents should last names.

  83. Ever since I was a little girl, I would always wonder where my husband was at that moment or if I've already met them. I grew up believing that the wife takes the husband's last name, but I never understood why; until I got older. Being a high schooler, I've dated a few people before. Now, most adults nowadays say that high schoolers don't know what love is or that it's just puppy love. I can say that those accusations are all wrong and that no matter the age, people can form deep connections and feel love. Anyways, I'm saying that I now know what's it's like to care deeply for someone and spend a good amount of time with them. Even with my high school relationships, I've been able to feel a snippet of what you feel with a partner in marriage and can say that that little snippet of feelings has made me want to take my love's last name even more. When I'm older and are able to form an even deeper connection with them, I know I'll want them to be in every aspect of my life; including my last name. It creates a sense of partnership and like you're a part of their family. I really hope one day I can have the opportunity to have someone's last name.

  84. I am an only son, not only that, but the only heir to the ‘Marks’ name, branching over multiple generations. Regardless, I would be personally offended. Marriage is the unity of two individuals. Their family, their belongings, their families are now each others’ as well. Having two different last names is keeping the two from really being bonds. It would be like marrying, and renting the apartment right next door, so you can be close. It shows that, no, they’re not ready to be together like man and wife. Being married to someone who refused your name is a kick straight to the manhood. There is dishonor to your name, to your compassion, because it will not to be accepted by your bond. Changing the name is the cherry on top of the marital sundae. Being a man, I don’t, and never will, understand what is like to replace a name. However, just because that old name isn’t used, it’s still there. While unified, both members of the marriage are unique.

  85. I really hope to get married someday. But, if I do, I want to keep my last name. My last name is Greek, making it unique. Plus, it was my late grandfather’s name. Nearly every teacher I’ve ever had didn’t know how to pronounce my name, so they would butcher it and say something like stafololopis or staffopilous. At my elementary school’s award ceremonies, whenever they needed to call me up to the stage to get an award, they would always say my first name and then stop, and I would just immediately walk up to the stage because I was used to no one being able to pronounce my name. All these things and just the obvious fact of me having grown up with my name make me want to keep it forever. Just like the author of the article, I wouldn’t feel a connection with any other name, and I probably wouldn’t get used to it at all. Some men think it an insult to their manhood if their fiancé refuses to take their name. I don’t think men should think this offensive or as an insult, because more than likely it has nothing to do with them, but more so to do with the fact that some women feel like they have a connection with their names, making them not want to change their name. Women should always be allowed to keep their maiden names if they want, it’s not their fiancé’s choice to make. Overall, I think the process of women changing their names when they get married is unnecessary and doesn’t matter, because names don’t define marriage.

  86. Growing up thinking up, thinking about the future is a big thing. I am now sixteen and , I have thought hmmmmm will I ever change my last name or add it on once I am married. This is a big deal especially in my family where we have at least two last names. When your a married you are now that persons partner in crime and you are sharing a special bond, it shouldn't matter what last name you have as long as you share love thats is the key thing. In the future i see myself adding my future spouses last name.

  87. I feel attached to my last name because I like it. What I think about why they take or do not take the other spouse last name is if they like it or not. If both spouses change their last name upon marriage then what that means to me is that they don't like their last name or the found a last name they like. If both spouse don't share the same last name I think most of the time they will take the dads last name. I think in the future feature people will change their lase name

  88. As someone with a strong focus on femenist ideals, that have resinated in me since I was a child, I have always belived that the changing of last names in women is completely unnecessary. I've felt this because changing your name has always been like changing your idenetity completely. A name is something that's very special to someone, a name is your pride. Imagine having the same name for your whole life, up until you find the right perso that you want to spend your life with. Once you've chnaged your name you've taken on being part of your partner, this is something that doesn't sit well with me because because a name gives individuality. This individuality should stay the same throughout your whole life.

  89. I would like to get married someday and while it would be hard to change my last name, since it's not a common last name and I'm the only girl not married into the name, I still would like to change my last name to husband's. To me, it signifies our unity and that we are now a family.

  90. no I will not change my last name when I get married because men don't change their last name when they get married.

  91. If i were to get married one day i would happily take my spouses last name. Some might think it is pointless and doesn't really matter what your last name is but i think that it can be a great way of expressing your love to someone. take this for instance if your sister had a baby and named the baby after you would that just show how much they love you. It would make you feel special right? This is very similar because it is something you and your spouse can share and maybe one day pass that name down to your kids.

  92. Unlike many others, I was exposed to this debate at a very young age. All my life, my mother has had a different last name than me. No matter how time my friends call her Mrs. Lombardi, that is not her name. Did it at one point or another cause me some internal struggle? Of course. Were there times where I wished she just had done the "normal" thing? Of course. But, a name does not make her any more or less of my mother. In fact, my mother's decision to keep her last name speaks to the kind of person she is. She is strong, proud and undeterred in her pursuit to being the best person she can be. My mother has passed on many important lessons to guide me through life, but there will always be one that stand above the rest. "Be Kind." Before every football game. Before I leave for school. Before I go out with my friends. Written on my lunch bag. Forever etched into my brain. What my mother has taught me is that it is important to be your own person. Have your own thoughts. Express your own emotions. Have your own name. Regardless of what it symbolizes, my mother is very proud of her family name. As most people do, she loves her family very much. By keeping her name, she honors those who came before her in the same way the man is supposed to. Overall, the tradition feels outdated and while it can make some men uncomfortable and I understand that sentiment, we should look and it from the perspective of women and celebrate the strong women who choose to keep their last name.

  93. Changing your last name to your partners last name isn't something everyone needs to do. It isn't something necessary, why? because a last name does not determine how much love there is existing between you and your partner. Not everyone is comfortable with changing their name for the reason they prefer to keep their madden last name running through the family. I find it kind of ridiculous how when some people find out you do not have your partners last name they act so surprised as if it were something from another world. Everyone has a different point of view on a topic like this but personally I would agree on it not being necessary.

  94. Something that resonates with me after reading Ms. Ho's essay is the thought that a last name means a lot more than I had previously believed. I did not really think much before about marriage at all, because I am only in high school now, and I have always considered myself too young to even think about the subject before. However, now, I am closer to becoming an adult now than I ever had, and this article helped me to understand the significance of something as simple as a last name. In response to the question, I would say I feel attached to my last name, as it has been my identity my whole life. My name carried my ethnicity, and reminds people of my family members. It carries on the names of those who have passed away, as well. After being called it my whole life, it seems now it must be very difficult to transfer over to having a new name. I think people choose to either take or not take their spouses last name because it is a subject of identity-would they rather be associated by their spouse for the rest of their life, or keep their own, independent name for themselves? My opinion on the practice of both spouses changing their last name upon marriage seems kind of impractical, but I see the prospects of why two married people would want to start a new name and a new family for themselves from scratch. I think that in the future, more and more people will want to carry on their family name, and the number of people changing their last names for marriage will decrease.

  95. This article is a very interesting topic to me. When it comes to the last name Grob I definitely want to keep it. But I want to write about If my future wife will change her last name to mine. I don't know if I will get married because no one knows, but if I do, yes, I would like her to change her last name. Am I going to force her? No. In the case of Sally Ho in her article "A married name that looks nothing like us" it changes so much on my opinion of this topic. Her last name is special to her and it shows her heritage. She was just three years old getting that last name when she was coming over to the US as a refugee from vietnam. It is ALWAYS the persons choice if they want to keep their last name or not. Once again I would like them to change it but if they don't want to I will suppor tht decision 110%.

  96. Ever since I was young, I would talk with my friends about our names and why they were so. Not to mention the anticipation of a seven year old dream white wedding. It was exciting to fantasize this, since I was so young. Very much in the same way as Sally did when she was a toddler, as stated in the article. My friends and I had no idea why our names changed, they just did. As I have matured and grown older I still think about the future and where I will be. I am now able to comprehend the reasoning on why the change takes place and I am not disagreeing with it. Tradition, allows each generation to carry a little bit of the preceding one with it. Like my family's pie crust recipe, will always be handed down to the granddaughters to hand down to their daughters. I see the same for the names, I understand that it is the wives part to carry the husbands name with her. Just as it is my brothers duty to marry with the intention of continuing the families name. Just as Mrs. Ho has stated in the article, "Some may see it as an old-fashioned or even oppressive belief…” my thoughts continue to be the same as hers. I am not settled on this decision because I do not know what the future holds. Maybe my opinion will change just as hers did, but until that happens I support my families tradition.

  97. One thing that really resonated with me was how she thought about her career. I'm still young and I don't plan on getting married anytime soon, but I have always thought about what would happen to my last name. I really appreciated how she built a name for herself and doesn't want to lose that. I personally do feel attached to my last name. Its pretty simple and I think it flows nicely with my first and middle name. I don't like how its always the last name of the male that usually gets passed on. I believe it shouldn't be something that's assumed. Right after the proposal, I suggest popping the other question of "will we take one or the others last name or keep our own?" In my opinion, the children should be given a choice. Once they're older, of course. Start with hyphenated and once they are older and decide what they most identify with, give the the choice of keeping both or choosing one. In the future, I think that I will keep my last name. Like Ho, I plan on building a career for myself and I won't change my name and loose the effect my name will have on people.

  98. Just like Sally, all I have ever dreamed about was the idea of getting married, and getting to share the last name with the person I love, as well as starting a family with that name. As she's said, "The name change, to me, was not just a tradition but also romantic, a beautiful symbol of the union we were committing to forever." I love my last name and I feel like it really represents me well, but I would definitely want to change it when I get married because it would merge me and my husband together and that's what a relationship should be like in my opinion. The tradition of changing your last name should remain constant, because it is something cool and exciting that happens when you get married. Even though Sally's situation is much different than mine, since she is an immigrant, I think she should still take her husbands last name. It is an important representation of the bond that marriage creates, which unifies the husband and wife.

  99. “Sistrunk” “How do you spell that?” For some reason people find it rather difficult to spell such a name. When people ask I smile and of course tell them how to spell it, but I hold back on the sass of saying “Sis...Trunk, It’s not that difficult people.” Along with Sally Ho, I have also dreamed of having a new last name, maybe one people will know how to spell and pronounce. Having a new identity seems thrilling to me. I will not longer be Ms. Sistrunk. On another note, I am secretly terrified. I think about marrying someone and changing my last name and it is almost like I am not me anymore. I start over. A brand new start. It sounds rather dramatic when I read it aloud, but it is true, I seriously do think this way. Sally also mentions how she dislikes her husband's last name, too long and just doesn’t sound right. That’s what I am afraid of. How can you be completely in love with someone, but have to tell them you don’t want such a last name. I would be terrified. Wouldn’t want to kick off a marriage with such an ordeal. I have years to think about this. At the moment I would change my last name, but if it does come about that his last name is horrendous, I just might have to stick with Sistrunk.

  100. As a little girl I aways dreamed about my wedding and changing my last name is just a part of it. I have never considered keeping my last name because every woman in my family and in my life have taken their husbands name- which to me is another symbol of love. My family is very traditional, therefore I almost feel as if I have to take my husbands last name or else I will break tradition. There are compromises in every relationship and when the time comes I will reevaluate my decisions but for now, I plan on changing my last name.

  101. I believe its up to the person if they want to change their last name or not because it shoudnt be forced to have their partners last name. So i believe it should go both ways they should have both last names , their personally and their partners. like is it really necessary to change your last name? Also how is it "normal thing " to have your partners last name (Male's) why cant it be the other way around?

  102. I believe changing one’s name because of marriage is unnecessary and does not prove a couple’s love in any significant way. Although it can be seen as a great act of love, I believe my own last name should remain the same. Some people cannot bring themselves to break such a tradition but the thought does not bother me. My last name is very unique and special to me, in the future I would be glad to offer my name to my fiance but not the other way around. Also if he refused I would not be upset in any way and I hope he wouldn't either. As a child you always state your name with your crush’s last name just to see what it would sound like, dreaming of the idea, but with age, I realized that is not what I want. If my fiance really wanted me to follow the tradition I would only make the exception of changing my middle name to his. Overall I believe this tradition should be overlooked and only the people that really want to change their name to their partners should do so.

  103. I am the opposite of sally, I never thought of getting married and getting to share my last name with a person. but now that i think about it I would like someone to have my last name.

  104. Being someone who comes from a long line of powerful women who have taken their husband’s last name, I feel it is almost crucial I take my husbands name when the time comes. I do not feel pressured to take his last name but I do feel it is my responsibility to do so. Being married is forever and your name will forever be who you are as well. When your married your name not only is connected to you but to your partner whom you will be with forever. Sally Ho says that the name change in her situation was a “beautiful symbol of the union we were committing to forever.” Marriage is meant to last forever and if two people are choosing to stay together I feel as though it is right to be connected through love and in your families next pedigree.

  105. Changing your last name when you get married is how everyone imagines it to be. That is tradition, but some people choose not to change their last names because they don't want to lose their individuality. In my opinion, I think the tradition of changing your name to your spouses name is very important. It creates an even bigger connection between the individuals and brings you closer, making you feel even more like family. Don't get me wrong, I like my last name and I couldn't see myself being called anything else, but I do plan to change it when I get married because that is how I've always imagined marriage like, and I think that that is important to represent the coming together of two people in love. Sally Ho included that she "had looked forward to finding someone I loved so much that I wanted to be a part of him." I think this is a great example of how people should see this concept. It isn't something that takes away your identity, it is about uniting with your spouse and "being a part of him." There are understandable situations where you might have to keep your last name and there is nothing wrong with that, or you don't believe that this tradition is important. To me, it is more about sharing your love with one another and creating a (hopefully) long lasting bond.

  106. This whole thing of changing the names after you get married is kind of pointless. I get that getting married is a big deal, but it doesn’t really matter who you’re marrying, you can still keep your name. I think that also, as time goes on, people are going to change their last name less and less because it doesn’t really become relevant. As someone with a kind of unique last name, I think that changing my last name is something that I do not want to do. The amount of times people have come up to me and said, “Man, your last name is Power? That’s so awesome!” makes up for the amount of times I have been asked if there is an “S” at the end of my last name. No, there isn’t. I also get so many puns about my last name, and I don’t want that to change. I also want to keep my last name because the likelihood that my brothers will have kids is very unlikely, and I think that a last name as cool as Power deserves to be passed on. Ho says that she “had looked forward to finding someone I loved so much that I wanted to be a part of him” and I get that, but at the same time, you can be a part of someone without sharing a name with them. If you love them, you’ll always hold a piece of them with you. I agree with Ho with her concern about changing her name when she had already made a career for herself. I want to be a prosecutor, so having a professional name is important, so I probably won’t change my name, but I can see why people would want to.

  107. This article brings out a very controversial topic, that is often not spoken about. In my personal opinion I have always imagined changing my last name, now when the time comes and I have to make my decision it will be a decision because I do not want to set my mind on anything at this age. Yet, I do agree with Sally about it being a very romantic gesture, changing your name to the name of the one you love. Now in Sally’s case I feel very different about the situation. She is a writer and most writers are known for their names and if hers changes who knows how that could affect her career. Also she was an immigrant and her last name really represents and shows her heritage. In my opinion if I was Sally I would not change my name, not for any reason but for myself. I find culture and past very important to my life so I feel that keeping her heritage in the family is a great move so that her name can also be passed down and so her kids will have that connection to their ancestors.

  108. Ever little girl dreams of their prince charming and them getting married when the time is right, I sure did. I always pictured myself with a new last name or how I would feel about myself if one day my name actually did change. I don’t like my last name, I don’t like the way it sounded or how it spells. Whenever people ask me my name, I usually say my first and middle name, so I totally wouldn’t be against changing my last name to the one I am marrying. Although I totally respect Sally’s reasoning to question if she wanted to change her name, I think when you marry someone you are dedicating your life to them and basically joining identities. She has worked her whole life to making it sound her own and making it really her, but at the same time, changing your last name unifies you as husband and wife and is a perfect representation of your dedication to each other.

  109. Since I was a little girl, I have always dreamed of my big wedding day, marrying the person I love. I feel like it is tradition to take on the last name because it shows you are a part of your husband now. It signifies your new life together as one. In the passage, Sally mentions how she values these same things, but does not feel as if her husband is "properly attached" to the last name. I could see where she is coming from because her situation is a little different. The last name is not her husband's biological name, so it might not feel as if it actually means something. However, I would still take on the last name because it is something I would want my children to inherit as well. I think it is important to pass down the last name to your children because they are apart of the family too. It shows that you are all a whole and unified. Not just the husband and wife, but the whole entire family.

  110. Just like Sally I have always and still do want to have the perfect white dress wedding where we love each other and want to combine our families and to me, this means having the same last name as well. When I get married my current last name can become my middle name and my husband’s name can become my last. I believe that the name change isn’t something you have to do but is a tradition that many people follow to show their relationship. When people get married it is their choice as to what the last name will be. In my opinion, I think that when couples do have the same last name that it really bonds them together and just like Sally said: “Would it be a headache for our future family to have different last names?” Yes, it probably would be because you would need proof that you two are actually married. What about when having kids whose last name would they choose for the child, would it be mom’s or dad’s last name? In Sally and Eddie's situation, since they were both immigrants and both had last names that weren’t originally theirs, they were able to have a more open conversation about choosing a last name. It could also work to where the husband wants to take the wife’s last name to still show the commitment between the two.

  111. My name is Paige Phillips and my initials (which people quickly realize) is "PP". That nickname haunted me thought the first few years of elementary school and then came back during middle school. I would dream of the day I could change my last name when I got married so I would no longer be "PP" I am also also a raised catholic- women changing their last names is the norm. I remember asking my mom about why it was just women that had to change their last names and the reply I got was "that's just the way it is." It wasn't until after reading the article by Sally Ho that I really thought about how other women might feel about it. I had never thought that identity would play such a big part because I had merely just accepted the fact that as a woman I would have to change my last name. I cannot relate to Sally Ho, due to me being born in US and living in a predominately white community. I never had a problem with struggling to accept a last name that people couldn't pronounce or made fun of because it was from a different culture. Although I can understand how it would be harder to let a name, that you finally feel proud of, go. Whether or not you change your last name when you get married should be entirely up to you. People have different lives and backgrounds, so you might have a person who would want to take the last name of their partner as a sign of unity. Or you might have someone that would rather not change their name due to work purposes or identity.

  112. I think that no matter who you are or how you grew up, your last name will be important to you in some way or another. For some it might simply be about pride and liking their last name. For others it might be about family connections or not wanting to change what has been your name for your whole life. Others think that taking on your husbands last name is "giving in to the patriarchy" and a "oppressive belief". Whatever the case may be your last name is probably important to you. My last name is very important to me. It is unique as it is french and all my life people have been pronouncing it wrong. I've even had teachers give up on ever using my last name, though I don't think its that hard, and sometimes that made me feel more special in a way. I also love that it connects me to my large french family and it makes me feel closer to any heritage that I have. When I get married I would like for my wife to take my last name but more important to me is that I would like my children to carry my last name. If my wife did not want to take my last name though I would not try to make or force her to do so. I know how important last names are and I would never make my wife give up something that vital to her if she did not want to. I don't think that her doing that would be "ridiculous or emasculating" in any way. I know for a fact that I will never change my last name which is why I will never make anyone else give theirs up.

  113. The thought of marrying someone someday is so exciting and happy to me. I used to not care about marriage and loving someone forever but the thought of it now is something I dream for. I love love and the thought of spending the rest of your life with someone who feels the same about you. Right now I think I’d plan on taking my husbands name or I anything making my maiden name my “middle name” and take his last name. I feel like people take last names to make it seem real. Make it feel like you’re actuallt apart of them and they’re family forever. Kind of like the thought “family never dies”, so you’ll always have a place somewhere with him. I kind of think the same thing but I also have the influence of generations that have done it. I feel like it is just what you’re supposed to do, and I’m honestly not mad about it. I think it’s sweet and cute.

  114. Personally I never thought about this, but i feel like I would change my name. Not because I feel obligated to but because this would be a way I show my future husband I love him in a way. Yet, changing your name doesn’t define how much you love the person. So if you don’t, no one should feel guilty they didn’t follow tradition. I feel like people get offended when their partner doesn’t want to change their name after marriage. It all depends on how someone was raised and what their morals are when it comes to marriage. People grew up for years with their name and their identity is their last name so I understand if someone would feel weird out by changing their name or questioning if the should or not.

  115. Thinking about last names when it comes to marrying someone seems trivial at best. Although our last names are part of our identity— I wouldn’t say that it is something that should be reformed or standardized in any way. With that being said, I think that most females today, young or old, were raised in a time where the girl changes her last name. To me, this makes sense because in our previous non-modern times, the woman left her father and family to start a new family with a new man. They have children and the mother is responsible for raising them, mostly. The woman changes her name, because she is no longer in her family, as she has dedicated herself to the new family she has created. Whereas the man, was seen to the leave the family not to start a new one, but to create a family under his last name to ‘prolong the family crest,’ per say. Nowadays, things are much different in a lot ways, including how women can choose to take care of their children. This is why I believe people are starting to ask questions about this last name deal when you get married. Regardless our last names are hardly a rough combination of letters, that more often than not pronunciate atrociously.

  116. Sally Ho said “the name change to me, was not just a tradition but a romance, a beautiful symbol of the Union” I feel the same about the name change, it would make me feel close to my husband. I feel attached to my name, my mother has the same name and I’m proud of my name. When it comes to children the children should have both names since they were made by two people. Yes I think less people will be willing to change their name in the future, and don’t want to change their identity.

  117. I wouldn't say I don't feel attached to my last name it's just that it seems very old. My full name being Frank Edward Lyons i’ve learned to not care about my first name or last name sounding like some old English noble or something but my middle name is where I draw the line, it just ends up being a little to much. I think some people choose to take their spouse's name because it makes them seem more unified, but others may not take it because it is something they have respect for each other so its makes them stronger together. The idea that both people would change their last names to something completely unrelated to them at marriage seems kind of opposite than the point of marriage cause now you don't relate to anything from your past. But for some people that might be a good thing. If both parents have different last names and they have a child I think the child should be given both but they only have to use one, just so both parents feel represented. I honestly think the whole idea of changing your name at marriage is really insignificant and it doesn't matter in the long term so I don't know if more people will do it in the future.

  118. I think the woman taking the mans name is romantic and for me it’s what I’ve always pictured as part of getting married. However, that’s not for everyone. Everyone has their own reason for not taking their spouses last names. For some people it’s their career and what they made for themselves with their own last name, it could be as simple as they don’t like how it sounds, or they feel attached to the last name they’ve had all their lives. Overall, the couple should do whatever makes them feel comfortable because their love isn’t represented with a last name.

  119. To me my family heritage and history is very important, it's a name that has been passed down all the way from our families origins in Ireland. McCauley is an extremely rare name, and it's unique to me. I would never think about changing it for another name. The name McCauley defines who I am, I wouldn't get rid of something I am proud of. In my opinion changing a name is just a personal preference, it doesn't show that you love your spouse anymore then if you shared a name. While I would be very happy to have my spouse share the McCauley name with the Irish origins behind it, I would certainly not have any issue if she chose to kept hers, just like how I am choosing to keep mine. I do agree with Sally how she feels it cam be a romantic gesture, but there are also many other things a spouse can do to show just as much love. A married couple sharing a last name is heart warming, but it is certainly not a necessity.

  120. My surname was never something I had any affection for, people would always ask why an Asian had both a biblical first and last name, and Godwin was always confused for Goodwin. However, as I grew up I learned of my Grandfathers struggles to make a life for himself and his family. As of now only five members of my family still carry the name Godwin of them I remain as the last male descendant capable of having children and even if my sisters kept their surnames they have expressed consistent disdain for the idea of child rearing. If they continue this way of thinking I feel as If it is my duty to continue our storied lineage. It may sound strange, but I believe that I owe just this much to my Grandfather because without him there wouldn’t be me. I have no desire to impose my name upon a future spouse, but it is my desire for at least one of my children to pass on my name. In many ways, me and Ms. Ho are similar being brought up in two different cultures. For both of us, our names are reminders of our roots and that couldn't be more important.

  121. Taking the last name of the man you are marrying originated as a way for the man to show ownership of the woman and to "claim" her. Even if that's not how people see it now. This is how it originated and I don't think it really makes sense anymore. If you want to have the same last name as your husband then I believe they should always be hyphenated because it doesnt have one person having more power or importance then the other. It shows balance and equality in a relationship.

  122. This same sentiment has been echoed a few times before, but the practice of one member of a partnership taking the other's name is outdated and pointless. If you love someone there should be no urge for you to want to own them. Over time, I do believe that this practice will fall out of style.

  123. “Michelle, I saw on the parent sheet information that your parents lasts names weren't the same. I only bring this to a concern, as our school only trying to look out for all students having to deal with a divorce. It can bring a disruptive household and struggle to maintain grades. We just want the adjustment to be easy for our students.” “Don’t worry, I appreciate you being an amazing teacher by looking out for me. In europe you don’t normally take the husband's last name when married, you keep your own.” Since the fifth grade when first moving to the States, all of my peers assumed my parents divorced, as they called them “Mrs Lucido or “Mr Garagliano.” I thought a lot about the idea of changing my last name to my potential husband, because it would show commitment. However I think that building off the legacy of holding my last name is pretty powerful. While I do agree with the authors statement: “The name change, to me, was not just tradition but also romantic, a beautiful symbol of the union we were committing to forever.” Her tradition is to convert to her husband's last name, as mine would be to keep mine. It still shows commitment to my future husband but it means so much more; symbolizing a part of me in the relationship and my ancestors roots with all of my culture mixed as with my partners as well. It brings much of a greater significance to “marriage.” Being in to together with every aspect of yourself.

  124. I think the problem with children born into families with two different names can be easily resolved by combining the two family names as my mom did with hers (Pereira-House). Last names show what family you belong to but I believe just because name changing was done in the past, it shouldn't sway your decision whether you want to or not. In the past, taking the last name of a husband was to show that a woman belonged to the husband and his family. To change that and the laws in place concerning last names, in the '70s and '80s, women would choose not to change their maiden name -because they felt it was an equality issue- even more so than feminists now.

  125. I think taking your spouses last name is an outdated, but romantic gesture. Though it’s origins were not a sentimental I still see it as an action that displays the commitment that has been made. However, I do think it should always be discussed between partners and should be a choice not an obligation.

  126. As a little girl we’ve all had that fastinty of finding the person we love and taking their last name, like Sally Ho we don’t realize how much our name is a part of us. Our name is what people know us by and what they call us. When someone says our name we don’t even really hear it, but we know it’s us. Growing up I always wanted a different name. Not because I felt like my name didn’t fit me, but I wanted a less generic name. I wanted a name that a teacher would have to ask how to pronounce it. Everyone who I mentioned this too would say that it was dumb and I should be lucky that the teacher can say my name and how embarrassing it actually was to be asked, but that didn’t change my mind Throughout the years I have grown to love my name. Maybe it’s because it’s who i’ve always been known as or maybe I finally grew into my shell. My name is Jessica Swanson and I was named after Jessica Rabbit the cartoon character from Who Framed Roger Rabbit. I know volunteer at a rabbit rescue and my name couldn’t fit me any better.

  127. When I was younger, my last name, even though it might have been solely in my mind, always felt like a tug-of-war in my family. Growing up, I was called "Lamas," my father's last name, whenever my teacher called for attendance, but it most nearly always felt empty. I have no memory of my father, since he passed away when I was very young, so I nearly felt like I was doing my mother, and the rest of her family, a dishonor. It felt as if I was erasing them and everything they had done for me, while my last name only tributed some one I didn't remember. Not to say I'm not proud of my father, or happy I have at least this connection with him, but when I found my birth certificate and it read, "Lamas-Nino," I couldn't have felt more satisfied. It felt like, finally, the rope in the tug-of-war in my mind was not pulling each side apart, but bonding us together.

  128. My last name is McElhinney, and I am very attached to it. It's the name I have been called ever since I was born. I was born Avery McElhinney, and it is very much apart of who I am today. Our last names are much more than names, but an identity. I don’t think a woman should be forced to take the last name of her spouse if she doesn’t want to. There are many reason why someone wouldn’t want to. One being that the woman has already created a career for herself, two their last name has a special meaning behind it, and three they just don’t like how it flows. In the article Sally Ho talks about her writing career had already been flourishing for a few years, and I don’t think it would be fair to make her change the career she already had.I think a great way to solve a last name dispute it to combine the two names by putting a hyphen between them. I don’t agree with Sally Ho’s statement about her husband not being “properly attached” to his last name. Eddie was adopted when he was 9 years old, and I think he is very much attached to his last name. I think last names aren’t something you have to be born into, but if a family adopted him and loved him he is rightfully apart of that family. When Sally and Eddie decide to have children and they don't share last names they can either hyphenate their two last names, or they can pick a last name most fitting for the children.

  129. By taking the last name of spouse this means you are beginning the most important part of your life, shortly you will be preparing for things that you have dreamt about as a kid. Whether you choose to use the last name of your future husband that name will have just as much meaning. Although I agree with Sally Ho "the name change, to me, was not tradition but also romantic, a beautiful symbol of the union we were committing to forever." I believe that I owe it to my family to maintain my last name. In respect of my grandparents that have put sweat and tears into creating a family that they are proud of. Without my family having any male descendants to carry the name I believe that the only way to keep my name alive is to keep it. In the end, I don't believe that changing your name is the only way to show love and affection towards your spouse. This has been the thought for many generations. Except Sally Ho is choosing to keep her name to continue to pass down her heritage and roots to the next generations of her family.

  130. When I was a kid, I had always known that it was the norm for wives to take the last names of their husbands. Growing up, I always pretended my name was “Emma Jonas” when I would play house. I had no doubt in my mind that I would end up marrying Nick Jonas and take his last name. Now I’m 16, and I’ve come to notice that that norm is not so common anymore. This has me thinking, “Would I take my husbands last name?” The answer is still yes. Unlike Sally Ho, I don’t have a crazy cool family story that has me attached to my last name. If I’m being honest, I don’t even know any other “Coleman” relatives beyond my parents and brother. To me, taking your S.O.’s last name is a sign of unity. It shows we’re in this together. And when my husband and I have kids, I want them to feel that they know who they belong to. I want them to see that we all share the same last name and know that we are all in this together.

  131. My Parents have different last names; I was given my dads last name. My dad's family is from Utah, so very Mormon. My Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, 2nd Cousins, 3rd cousins (their Mormon so... lots of relatives), they are all Mormon. But, my family is not. So growing up there was always this invisible barrier. Mormons are really involved and connected to the church, so there were many things we just couldn't be involved in. And it didn't help that my dad was the youngest by about ten years so the cousin closest to my age is about 25. We were disconnected. My dad deiced right out of college that instead of taking part of his dads company along with his siblings, that he wanted to build something for himself. So he decided to go to law school and from there he proceeded to travel the world while working oversees and fortunately he meet my mom. My dad has had a crazy life filled with many, many crazy stories. And trust me I know this because I have heard these stories many, many times. But he has always shown me that being a Beesley is fun. He continuously throughout my childhood proved to me that our version of Beesley is something to be proud of. so, I would say I am very attached to my name, despite it's roots. It's apart of who I am. And I also don't believe that the romantic gesture of taking your spouses name is necessary anyway. So kinda looks like I'm going to be stuck with my name for awhile.

  132. When I was younger, it always felt, though it was mostly likely solely in my mind, that my last name was a tug-of-war between both sides of my family. Since kindergarten, the name that teachers called for attendance was "Lamas," my father's last name. However, it sometimes felt empty, because I didn't remember my father due to so many years after his passing. It almost felt like I was dishonoring my mother and all she had done for me by having a last name that only tributes one parent, one I had barely any memory of. Not that I wasn't proud of my father or happy to have at least this connection to him, but when, one day, I found my birth certificate and it read "Lamas-Nino," I couldn't have been more satisfied. I realized that the rope in the game of tug-of-war that I thought had been pulling each side of the family apart, was actually bonding us together. This is why I believe that children should always inherit both names of the parent, whether a portmanteau or a hyphenated last name. Without both sides of the family, a child could feel isolated from either side. The parents could keep or take each other's last names, but as Ho said, it could be awkward for parents to "morph into a singular identity that looks like neither of [them]." However, giving that name to a child wouldn't be overlapping any previous identity- it would give them their own.