There are shades of gray, and we always cheer on the slightly lighter tone.
Hey Dan, you go first!
4
I am curious re how these comments get moderated for civility when the whole topic of this column is about something decidly not civil or rather its about whose nether region is bigger and who can oh nevermind. Please can we have a discourse that does not center around men's anatomy although I do find it hugely amusing.
3
The assertion that "80% of adults have sexted" strikes me as implausible, bordering on preposterous.
Mr. Savage is a fine writer and has probably done the nation some good service re "sexuality." But this - almost surely not a joke - is akin to the "man boy love association" that injured most male homosexuals by going "way too far."
Just as Anthony Weiner became a national laughing stock - no doubt costing Hillary thousands of votes by virtue of the revival of her self-injurious server "issue" within a month of the 2016 election - when he wasn't deemed to be a villain or a psychopath, I think Mr. Savage is kidding himself that "anything goes" is the people's choice.
Facebook and its rivals will not simply erase concerns like privacy and probity from the face of the earth, hard as they try, only trying harder to hide their intentions.
Yes, if everybody DID take selfies "below the belt" and posted them, blackmail would be less likely, but at what cost?
Really, prohibitions against public nudity have not outlived their usefulness, and most non-lunatics know that Facebook and the like are more public than private!
Open-ness has its place, but so does discretion! On balance, humanity is better now that rape is not the principal way children are conceived. D!ck pix are caveman stuff using modern technology.
NOT to be encouraged! A good phone operating system would recycle those pixels instantaneously.
5
NO!
He needs to take down the National Enquirer! If he releases these photos himself, then that will diminish whatever legal action he can take against the National Enquirer.
It would just be a major distraction from other investigations. Let's keep our eyes on the more important prize.
12
Savage is a joke if you ask me (and I have nothing against his sexuality). But his everything goes attitude is a bit too much! He needs to head back to his tawdry mag! I'm surprised the Times takes him seriously.
12
If you're getting sex advice from a column of a newspaper... good luck with that.
12
At last, the voice of reason! Thank you, Dan Savage. What is so wrong with the human body, seen unclothed as nature made it? Or the male member, seen erect, as it was intended to function? Yes, we all have bodies, and we all have genitals. We don't make animals wear clothes to be "decent"—that would be absurd. Consider the absurdity that the mere sight of a human's body in a photo could ruin her or his life. Alas, as some of the comments here indicate, so many people wear the mental burka of shame about their own bodies and those of everyone else.
7
No, we do not need more pics of genitals that will be boring for most and traumatic for many.
No, more pics will not normalize and de-shame sex. It will further normalize and de-shame self serving, transgressive behavior by people who confuse sex with satisfaction, and posting with power, as they try to cope with the underlying stress of our inhumane country.
Meanwhile, real forms of power slip away: The power of our votes in a bought government, the power to support ourselves with meaningful work, the power to curtail our carbon emitting ways, the power to build our real world communities.
Does sex have a role to play in these problems? Yes, but only if it meets people's real needs for love and connection that can build strength for action, not just endorphins for distraction.
So, Dan Savage, please keep your sexy pics to yourself. Despite what you may think, they will not help me and I do not want to see them. They would be fanning the flames when we need to be removing the fuel.
41
Mr. Bezos should know better than most about the limits to privacy on the internet.
10
This column brings up the question--- how do op eds get picked for the NYT page?
Do op ed writers call/email the Times and pitch their column? And then get picked for publication according to the hot news of the day?
Or do editors think of various writers--like this one---and then according to the news and issue trends, call writers and ask them to write a column, on a certain topic?
8
I really thought Times readers were sophisticated enough to realize that they should have been reading this in the spirit of "A Modest Proposal", but apparently many commenting did not "get it".
3
@Nicole A reasonable interpretation, but actually Savage has suggested this many times on his podcast: if we normalized these pics, then innocent people could no longer be threatened with blackmail. It's not a crazy idea...
6
If the pictures were sent to his wife instead of his girlfriend, it might be a different issue, Dan....though I appreciate the point of this humorous essay. But really, do we want kids to engage in lying all the time? I know it is the norm, we all do it in some way, in denial, at least. But ignoring the lying part of Bezos does send kids the same message we get from politicians all day, and it isn’t good.
And this the guy who makes money out of breaking people’s privacy, And so the story to me is nothing more than a billionaire being irked at the loss of his own privacy. Boo-hoo.
2
Why is nudity such a big deal. Guess what folks, we all have sex organs. Not a big deal, they are just fleshy parts between our legs. I hear people getting upset because they received a nude pic and I wonder why. What psychological damage does a picture do? Get over it, the Victorian Age is over.
1
Dan, I love you, but you're semi missing the point. It's not that these photos are dirty or sinful and that the behavior need to be normalized. Based on your stats, it IS normal. But what makes the pix titillating and sexy in the first place is that they're private and only for the eyes of the person intended–someone with whom we're in an INTIMATE relationship. It's not about shame, it's about intended audience and venue.
6
This is SATIRE people!
4
@beth Nope, Savage has seriously proposed this many many times before.
7
@Petersburgh It is satire.
2
While I can understand why having a look at the package in question may be on the author's wish list, I do hope that this time Jeff Bezos fails to deliver.
10
@Janice You don't think it will be a case of Amazon Prime? :D
5
As far as I can determine, Dan Savage has zero credentials
in the field of mental health (clinical psychology/psychiatry/
psychiatry social work) to offer such advice. It is dismaying
that the New York Times editorial board would even publish this column. Would it publish a column written on the management of diabetes or heart disease by someone with no medical credentials? As a psychologist and educator, I have had college students break into tears in my class in describing how they received unwanted nude photos. No responsible parent would take the position that Dan Savage advocates.
8
@WiseNewYorker for a “wise” New Yorker, you seem to have missed the somewhat obvious point of this tongue in cheek letter from Dan Savage.
No credentials or expertise are necessary to write an opinion piece in the NYT, as David Brooks reminds us every week.
11
@WiseNewYorker
Then may I advise those weepy archetypes of 'snowflakes' to avoid thumbing through National Geographic issues devoted to Stone Age tribes. And any trip to an art museum is a major no-no, too.
3
@WiseNewYorker Um, why would anyone cry about that? Is nudity that damaging? I don't understand why a picture of any part of the human body would be distressing.
3
Dear Dan,
it’s nice to see your unique point of view in the NYT after years of reading your column lurking in the shadowy back pages of America’s independent news weeklies.
Cheers,
Roxie
3
I see the author's point, and I understand that almost everyone with a cell phone sexts some of their privates. Got it. To me it isn't porn, it's a relaxation of puritan values we Americans cling to.
But re: Bezos throwing himself on his sword for the good of others? Hmmm. If AMI releases those photos, it might weaken Bezos' lawsuit. If I were him, I'd wait until after he mops the floor with AMI.
1
I guess this is sort of a modern day Reynolds Pamphlet.
2
There is no biologically pertinent information possible from nude pics of anyone you are not planning to mate with. Even then the parameters governing choice should involve more than just looks captured in photographs. To rational, mature people the entire upshot is that our civilization (maybe all civilizations) is still immature and possessed by constraints involving nudity and clothing.
It all amounts to so much silliness. We descended from types of monkeys (pigmy) that constantly, as it seems, engaged in orgies. So the equation at some point became put clothes on to inhibit these impulses or stay in the trees, a primitive creature with little biological stability.
With medical and technological advances, we can maintain stability and regress to this form of living. The question is can we evolve more and understand ourselves and exist without artificial clothing constraints. That being possible can we zap with intellectual maturation lures, temptations, and embarrassment?
We should try to have no interest in pics of anyone and lots interest in forcing evolution. Perhaps it is a start to stop panderers in their tracts -- don't buy copies of National Enquirer and encourage prosecution of extortionists. Privacy laws mater. We can keep the illusion of civilization at least.
1
Sexting is nothing new, we did it back in the day with Xerox machines and snail mail or office mail.
4
Oh God no, please don’t release them.
3
No Dan. Absolutely not.
Immaturity does not become maturity by immature responses. Not "everyone" wants to see those pics, especially not our young children.
Grow up, son.
8
@common sense: Not least of whom are Bezos' own four children. If for no other reason, can we please not subject the world to the intimate details of their father's sexual exploits out of respect and concern for them?
5
@common sense I think "growing up" is not acting a tittering 13 year old whenever is you a nude body part. What is the big deal?
2
@Typical Ohio Liberal
It is people like Savage who are acting like 13-year-olds. It is not about seeing a nude body part, it is about gratuitously disseminating those images.
5
It seems that the USA doesn't understand humour or irony.
6
@Maria Crawford
I am with you. I was laughing out loud from beginning to end.
"Imagine a kind of purge where all Americans would unite by mass-releasing dirty pics"
Yay! Jeff Bezos Day!
3
@Maria Crawford
As others have pointed out, Savage has advocated similar actions in his column, podcast, etc., apparently in all seriousness, so why should this automatically be considered satire?
3
What have we become as a "God reading nation?" Morality is out and pornography in? First, I don't know anyone who is sexting and I would be surprised if my four kids and nine grandkids know anyone too. Savage not only makes it sound normal but pervasive. "Lets all do it so no one can be blackmailed." Come on man, where's your decency. Call me a prude but this sordid episode is certainly not good for anyone's kids.
74
@OldTimer
Sorry - but I think, OldTimer, you are totally clueless as to how much sexting is going on today.
The bad part is not that it's happening, but that we, parents in particular, are so puritanical about it.
Unfortunately, children not yet of age and that are vulnerable often get caught in the maws of sexting episodes, then they sometimes wind up being shamed and, worst case, may resort to suicide rather than be exposed.
Our social media age is merciless. So, anything we can do, such as what Savage suggest, will help lessen the power of social shaming.
25
@OldTimer What does God have to do with it? Is there a commandment in the Bible that covers nude selfies?
17
@OldTimer
You're definitely an old timer, OldTimer. I bet your four kids and nine grandkids not only know people who've sexted but I bet they have too. You just don't know about it because why would someone tell their family member that they've been sexting someone? Consensual sexting and consensual adult dirty pic sharing is normal. Get with it or get over it.
16
I for one don't really care to see Bezos' nude pics. And I don't really see how him putting such pics out there would help anything or anyone, especially if he does so under a threat that someone else might do so first. I think he has done the right thing so far in the face of such threats Beyond that, he should probably just ignore those threats and let the chips fall wear they may. I suppose if publication of certain pics is imminent, he could publish them himself pre-emptively or simultaneously in an effort to reduce their monetary value. You are right that there is nothing to be ashamed of in the nudity, but Bezos has a right to call the shots as he sees fit, and to the extent he is able. I do wonder if the publication or distribution of stolen nude pics of a public figure (or anyone else) is considered revenge porn? Seems like it should be.
46
@Dan Frazier This has nothing to do with whether or not you or anyone else *wants* to see the photos. The entire idea is normalization, not titillation.
5
Eh, either they are or they aren't otherwise they all look alike.
1
I don't know if showing the pictures is necessary, but most people under 20 will now have nude pictures of themselves that they have sent to others. Whether that's good or whether it is bad, that's what is happening. I expect that as they get older they will keep sending those pictures.
For the next few decades we will have people where those pictures are nothing special and people for whom they are the sign of something bad. The issue is how we will handle this change when it comes to politics and careers as I expect that each age group will want to apply the rules for when they were young. Which is why I am a bit surprised by Bezo's pictures.
I don't have an answer but I do know that it will be an increasing problem. This is in contrast to the stupidity of those yearbooks as the younger people know how dangerous anything like that is.
1
If Pecker is stupid enough to publish the nasty, private photos of Bezos, the richest man on Earth will be that much closer to destroying the Supermarket Enquirer just like what Thiel did to Gawker. If that isn't a public service, I don't know what is.
3
Dear Mr Bezos:
Please demonstrate your intelligence by ignoring Dan Savage's request.
Here's the thing about photos of people: most folks look worse in them than in person. Exponentially worse without clothing. That's not a shameful thing, it's that photographic reality is only photographic reality - a narrow type of reality.
5
"Sexting" is not the same thing as sending nude photos, so the survey Savage cites, which shows that the vast majority of people have "sexted," doesn't support the notion that most people have sent nude photos. It's rather shocking that the editors did not catch this.
4
Funny idea! Really, people. Relax a little. Unless you're using them to harass someone, your nude selfies are far more goofy than scary. Wow, the NYTimes demographic skews more toward stodgy and out of touch with cultural trends than I imagined. There's a lot of energy expended in these comments on concern, outrage, or distaste.
3
Who picked this column for the NYT op ed page?
It just reinforces public disgust. Last thing we need now in this political atmosphere.
Dan, go back to where you came from, and do your thing there.
8
Dan, I agree with you that America's conversation about sex is terribly archaic. We are shocked when people we know are outed for having extramarital affairs, yet we are constantly battling sex education, contraception, and abortion.
Some view non-heterosexual behavior as immoral and the same often end up coming out of the closet while having spent a lifetime trying to "convert" those that have lost their sexual way.
Why is it that so many European societies have such better control on sex in general.
But Jeff releasing his nudie selfies isn't an answer in this conversation. Nor is the actual data regarding sexting which I think involves a wide range of what people responding to the poll consider "sex". I know better than to take nude selfies and so do most of my family and social world. Stupid is a stupid does in a world were digital security is constantly being questioned in all forms of news media.
But I disagree with your premise that Bazos should release his nudies in an effort to diffuse the bomb the National Enquirer has over him. By confronting the issue head-on, he has already gained the upper hand. If the Enquirer chooses to release the photos now, they do so at their further peril. Let them make this move and choke on it after they do. That would be a much bigger win.
5
Note to Jeff Bezos,
Please don't release the pics, we realize you're going through some type of midlife crisis by turning out your wife for a newer model. Words can't describe the type of man who does that. I won't praise you for standing up to a bully who tried to blackmail you, look to someone close to you who betrayed you and gave those pics to the National Enquirer. Pay your drivers and grow up.
8
The very first thing we need to do is STOP calling nude photos "dirty"
By continuing to use "dirty" we continue to stigmatize and make the photos weapons. And we continue our slavery to religious judgement
Nude photos are not "dirty" - they are photos of naked bodies.
Dan, you of all people should be leading this charge.
3
Number 9 on Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals is "the threat is usually more terrifying than the thing itself." I think Dan Savage is onto something here. Releasing photos yourself takes away power from whoever would publish them (another Rule). We've all seen naked people, no big whoop from my perspective. Just Do It!
1
Uhh, no. No thanks. We’ve already seen this movie and human sexual drives being what they are we will always want to see the sequel. You have more chance of being hit by lightning than putting an end to online licentiousness by publishing and nudes. Look no further than Trump. Come to think of it, the Tweeter in chief has so far a remained out of the sexting derby, a rare exception for this unrestrained Id. Is there another scandal waiting in the wings?
3
@Denis we have seen the Weiner version. Could the Bezos version be any different? Resist the urge to publish. It is hard to believe that Pecker is dumb enough to continue this.
1
Wow, the puritans have come out of the woodwork, and they're missing the point.
Yes, of course, there is a tongue-in-cheek, not-entirely-serious tone to the column. The idea that Jeff Bezos should sacrifice himself in a Christ-like fashion, so that the rest of the world will be free (oh joy!) to exchange dick pics certainly made me chuckle.
If you're familiar with Mr. Savage's writing, he challenges conventional sexual norms and mores, often with humor and irreverence. The higher purpose of this is to confront hypocrisy, bigotry and prejudice, and ultimately to foster wider acceptance of our unique individual sexual identities, whatever that may entail.
If I may borrow a phrase from the Republicans (irony not lost), there is a "bigger tent," sexually speaking, for all of us because of Mr. Savage, and others like him who expose the hypocrisies and inequities that keep some of us from expressing ourselves.
And yes, there is a point here. A billionaire in the public eye like Bezos has the unique opportunity to (possibly) change the conversation around this taboo. Releasing the pictures takes the power out of the pictures. Furthermore, no one will truly be hurt by this, but many could be helped.
I'd say go for it, Jeff!
2
I agree with Mr. Savage.
Lets take the power away from this "sextortionists". If two consenting adults decide to exchange nude photos, so what? it is their business. I do not need to see them.
We need to worry and solve more important issues that affects us all, like Climate Change.
Gotta say, NYT commenters, I'm right disappointed in your rush to prove how disgusted you are that you utterly and completely miss the larger point. Let us once and for all cease the actually-shameful process of shaming the human body-- and of so-called liberal people unwittingly reinforcing such Victorian judgmentalism. That goes for ALL bodies, ages, and genders.
That all said -- it's good to teach consent culture; i.e. instilling the value that we'd be wise to ask before sending any kind of sexual overture whether it's welcome. And this absolutely can and must be done without reinforcing the tired old culture of shame and taboo.
2
I think we're misreading Dan. He said 88% of us have sent pics or sent a sexy text.
If you read Dan Savage regularly he acknowledges we all do sex differently. These little monster machines in our hands lead us to do things in the heat of passion and desire.
And who in God's name thinks it is a good idea to try to blackmail the richest man in the world? He will crush you.
1
Naked? Old folks shouldn't even wear shorts in public.
1
The sooner we all have a few dirty pics out there, the sooner it won’t matter whose dirty pics get out there.
If the writer is sincere in his wish to normalize sexting etc. he should start by not referring to the material being shared as dirty.
2
Jeff's Wild Side
Here’s a new twist: take those intimate pics
Covered in blackface for stills or the flics;
Cover your shame if any you have,
If in Virginia, no conscience to salve,
Or, at your whim, if a media storm
Tell ‘em, “my boyos, my practice – the norm;
I’ll hang out like Jeff with my lady friend,
Show off my home goods – my pics and hit send;
Tweet to my closest, my dearest olde friends,
My closest relations, the list never ends,
Showing my wild side, as free as a hippie
And hope against hope, befriend my next chippie.”
Mr. Bezos, Your life can now be like a visit to a nude beach. When we are naked and comfortable no one can exploit us.
1
Oh please, folks. Sending a nude selfie to anyone but your lover(s) is no different than walking up to someone on the street and exposing yourself - and there are LAWS against that. Should we change the laws, you say? Oh great. How cool that would be to have a dozen random strangers walk up and expose theirselves to you daughter as she was walking home from school or work.
2
There is a shade of hypocrisy in Mr. Savage's comment when he says, "Sure, I could go first and release a few ["dirty" pics] of my own. But the dirty pics a gay sex-advice columnist sent to his husband don’t have the power to change the world." While it might be true that publishing pics he sent to his husband might not change the world, the "dirty" pics he sent to his boyfriend (known or unbeknownst to his husband) -- not his husband -- would open the conversation on something vastly more important, and often a greater secret: that our sexting is not limited to exchanges with our legal spouses. What an important contribution it would be to the world if Mr. Savage could through his own complete honesty inspire people to be honest about their impulses and behaviors, which at the end of the day are only human.
1
It's not about sex (yawn), it's about privacy.....ironically one of the great violators of people's privacy is demanding his...our national discussion becomes ever more ludicrous. Seems as though collectively we'll do anything to protect our sense of denial. It's more comfortable to stay distracted.
1
Value privacy, not an ability to hype a conceptual perspective, and your profession.
There is no public need to see anyone's privates. Let your fantasy be a fantasy.
1
I assume that Mr. Bezos showers or bathes regularly. So why would pictures of his body be dirty?
Dan Kravitz
2
From the comments section it appears that a lot of readers consider nudity either offensive, scary, ridiculous or private. Whatever that may say about our collective mental health in dealing with body issues and, ultimately, sex, one thing's for sure: it doesn't seem to have reduced our appetite for porn.
I think the two immature and narcissistic lovers should have billboards of themselves made.
4
No one did more to put Mr. Trump in the White House then Hillary Clinton.
The only person who should be seeing Mr. Bezos from the waist down is Mrs. Bezos. Shame on you all.
Mr. Bezos if you honored your wife...
None of us would be here.
1
@William Riale. What is the relevance of your first sentence? Or is it just that you cannot resist another opportunity to take a whack at Hillary Clinton?
3
Perhaps this is supposed to be amusing, but an attempt to blackmail should be taken seriously. On the paternal side of my family, we show a tendency to be free spirits by walking about in the nude. My Red Queen known for her beauty and exquisite eye, a French artist and architect, spoke on the subject on occasion, and felt nudity was not what a free spirit makes.
For those of us who are blushing, worried about the impact that this latest diverting uproar will have on the well-being of our children, take them to a fine museum to show them a corridor of Ancient Roman Statues and how the Ancient Greeks knew about proportion.
Silly nudity stories culled from the memory bank here:
- My parent is painting a friend in Spain, also an artist, as St. Sebastian: 'It's alright, Timothy, you do not have to remove your shorts', engendering giggles when overheard from my childhood friend and me when we were ten.
- On a visit to Ireland, my father comes into the bedroom stark naked. This interrupts my view of green fields, wakes up my friend, causes him to back into a hautboy, and look sheepish.
Enough already with the savaging of this business man, and let's talk about our kids, known as Children. Child Pornography is on the rise, and circulating the web. True or false, Mr. Savage? Forty years ago was the International Year of the Child. Let those of us who care bring it back to the times we are living. We could use it, and you get to keep your rich selfies to spread around.
Snarky backhanded compliment for Jeff. With this kind of advice, I can can't imagine the author has paying customers, unless they're paying for support for delusional thinking.
Dan Savage believes that, "We’re all carrying little pornography studios around with us in our pockets."
Not true.
We're all carrying little pornography studios around with us in our brains -- where they belong.
There, fixed it for you, Dan.
2
This suggestion is like giving National Enquirer whatever they after and then say that they earned it . It is an utter unscrupulousness
I guess you're trying to make some higher point here about "wage" inequity (stealing tips, etc.), but really the two do not equate and your point falls flat. By all means, take Mr. Bezos on for his business practices, but not in this way -- you and the NYT just look silly and out of touch.
Why put the burden on Jeff Bezos of performing this public service?
You should urge the President to release his selfies — and Melania’s, too!
4
Shades of Lenny Bruce here.
This is not sound psychological advice. How does Mr. Bezos, his children, wife, or his girlfriend benefit from publishing the photos? Simple answer is they don’t. No, what we have here is just another publicity-hungry columnist overreaching and looking for a little more press. Very AMI-like.
2
Society has to remove the shame out of public naked pics in order to make revenge porn ineffective. To that end, Dan Savage makes a valid point.
The person who could initiate this change is indeed the richest man in the world who made his money in technology, the very thing that has brought this new medium of private extortion and public shaming.
While we are at it, let's legalize all the drugs to adults (over 18, the voting and driving age) so we can bring down the drug cartels and the related crimes overnight and, legalize prostitution taking acre of the seer abuse of women in the skin business by pimps.
"Fully 88 percent of adults reported swapping sext messages..."
Well, this explains why Trump got elected. I think you made your point Jeff, but maybe the next time you might have finished one relationship before you started an affair.
By the way, NYT's, your opinion pages are important discussion forums, this is not worthy.
2
That's too bad, this opinion piece could have been funny.
1
Sexy selfies sent to a romantic partner are not "porn" and not "dirty." They're "sexy." It's interesting that a sex-and-relationship columnist would help confuse the two, further perplexing the many people who are already flummoxed about sex and sexuality.
These are different from unsolicited nude photos.
Note: Anything sent by text (sext) is ripe for revelation.
2
The author writes: "Nearly everyone has a few nude photographs out there somewhere..."
I must live in a very different world. Granted, apparently black face photos also seemed highly improbable, but this past week has shown that many more embarrassing photos exist than I ever imagined.
P.S. I have NO desire to see any genitalia shots, whether Bezos', Savages', or anyone else's, male or female.
1
Dear Mr. Savage,
Please let us know whether or not this column was satire. I didn't for a moment take it seriously until I read the comments. Either I'm missing the point or the readership of the NYT has completely lost its sense of humor. Which is it?
1
Please no... I have no desire to see Jeff’s junk. Digital is our undoing. Let’s bring back polaroids... much sexier!
If this is a serious argument, it might then serve the writer well to not call the selfies ‘dirty’.
3
Why are we talking about nude photos of an ugly old man who was cheating on his truly lovely and silent wife ? Our focus should be on encouraging his wife to obtain the best lawyers, at his expense, to divorce him and live happily ever after in any way she chooses. As for Jeff, he can read every day about the tramp he was exposing himself to at the expense of splitting the money.
There is a God, Jeff, and it's not you.
3
Good Lord! I must be irretrievably socially backward, but I wouldn’t dream of either taking or sending such images. And, who thinks they’re attractive?
I hope Bezos et alia don’t take Savage up on his suggestion.
3
So, Jeff, how about that wage theft? And what about removing employees' stock options?
1
Um, no thanks...the issue is not the picture. The issue is extortion.
4
I looked at the headline and channeled my deceased mother, "Oh, for crying out loud."
No. Don't need Bezos or anyone else to release their selfies of any of their body parts. I.Just.Don't.Care.
2
I'm usually not on board when the New York Times publishes something as bold as this.
Sexuality is fetishized more than it should be due to societal taboos. Jeff Bezos' private pix won't turn things around overnight, but they would be a good start.
No, we don't all carry "little pornography studios" in our pockets, we don't all send "sexy selfies" or have "a few nude photographs out there". Indeed, the sex-obsessed culture of today is not normal in the normative sense, no matter what the aging, and frankly creepy children of the 60s say like those posting in the comments section (I don't suppose they see the connection between sexual license and sexual exploitation scandals, but that's no surprise). But many of us frankly can't see the bizarre and depraved norms of our times for what they are because one of the side effects of lust and sensual overindulgence is a certain blindness of mind or "caecitas mentis". Then there's the habituated addiction that leads to aggression when the perverse source of pleasure is threatened with removal. I say all this to remind you, Mr. Savage, that none of this is normal, no matter how much you or anyone else tries to spin it or normalize it. As for Mr. Bezos, I have no interest in his private life. If all of this is a symptom of his own slavery to lust and the leaving of his wife and children is the outcome of that slavery, then I wish him a quick sobering and a healing of his crippled sexuality. I wish him reconciliation with his wife and children. I wish the same for his mistress. None of this is to be celebrated and while I should not be surprised that the New York Times has chosen to publish something so insipid and poisonous, I do pray for sanity in the ranks.
2
Mr. Savage, if it’s really not a big deal if you release nude photos of yourself online, why don’t you? Make it easier for Mr. Bezos to release his!
Seriously, there’s a reason why most people who sext don’t want everyone to see their photos leaked on the internet—which I suspect is why you haven’t already posted nude photos of yourself.
Along with being exposed to potentially hurtful criticism about your body, do you really want an everybody-belongs-to-each-other Brave New World society?
2
The Times does a disservice to its readers and its reputation by publishing this opinion piece in which the author cites a “study” showing that 88% of the respondents reported sending “sext” messages. I would bet my house right now that there is no random population group that has 88% who have ever sent any text messages at all.
The author’s ideas on nudity are fine in an opinion column, but the Times needs to apply a standard when he cites some pseudo-science for support. Start with the standard of common sense and move on from there.
10
I've never understood what the point of taking photos of your naked body and sending them to someone else is supposed to do - if you are having a relationship they have seen you in all your glory - are you thinking they need to be constantly reminded of "what you've got"?? As for supposedly 88% of people being involved in "sexting" I guess I run with the wrong crowd...Not something anyone I know is involved in.
5
Thinking of them as "dirty selfies" is part of the problem. Nudity isn't filthy or shameful. It's just skin.
We are, as a culture, so much more comfortable with violence than we are with nudity.
Something's wrong there.
4
What kind of world are we living in where Trump doesn't have to reveal his tax returns to the American public, but Jeff Bezos is being cajoled by the NY Times to publish nude pictures of himself?
Please DON'T release your dirty selfies - or anyone else's for that matter. We've had enough lowbrow entertainment from the White House these past two years.
4
All kidding aside while laughing at many of witty replies to Mr. Savage’s suggestion, adolescents and young people, influenced by the current pornographic, hyper-sexualized and selfie culture ( and lack of mature judgement) may think lightly of putting out nude pictures. But PLEASE where is the common sense of any adult who thinks sending out a revealing picture electronically is in any way private? 88% stat. ???? Wouldn’t you think Jeff Bezos would be among the first to decline???
3
Good one, Dan!
1
I admit I'm more interested in the extortion and possible political aspects of this story than I am the salacious details about Jeff Bezos or anyone else. My first reaction to this column and the SNL skit were to think, "it's not about the pictures" but then again, the story wouldn't exist if they didn't.
Maybe Jeff Bezos did a stupid and certainly age-inappropriate thing by sending these pictures, especially given his place and stature in the world, but there is also something very human about it. It's easy for me at my old age to say I would never do such a thing, but if the technology had existed when I was young, I still think it's unlikely, but who knows? There's something timeless and even archetypal about besotted young men doing crazy things when caught up in the throes of passion. What has changed are the ways they go about it. Being rich, famous and "smart" doesn't immunize a person against doing stupid things that humans do.
1
Am I the only one remembering 1959's "The Gazebo?" Glenn Ford stars as the Everyman Husband being blackmailed over revealing photos of his lovely wife ...
Not all of us send out photos of our private parts. First of all, it's in bad taste and, second of all, we might get publicly caught at it. It's a dumb idea. Just ask Bezos.
4
While I have to admit I'm not so sure about Savage's immodest proposal, were Bezos to release the pictures, those who are upset with this notion need not look at them.
Couldn't agree more with Mr. Savage - why do we make ourselves vulnerable to the disgusting greed and extortion of these sleazy tabloids that capitalize on our so called body shaming? Of course these are private photos and that is what we would want them to remain, but once it is violated, why not let go of our self-inflicted shame and stigma and in doing so, disarm this blackmailer- Gee- what is really disgusting is how the so-called President sold his country to a foreign agent/enemy to enrich himself- now that is a true scandal!
1
I have no love for buccaneering tycoons and billionaires like Bezos. But in a nation obsessed with gratuitous violent images in our movies and programming, why should any of us still be ashamed of our private, consensual sexual behaviors which have nothing at all to do with our competency and work? Mr. Bezos need only explain himself to his wife and his lover, not the world. And I admire his stand. Yes, I am a human, an animal and a sexual being. Deal with it.
1
Each and every day, I'm reminded that we live in a world where people are rude, hateful and on occasion, slightly helpful via social media. Now, we are asked in this article to accept sexting as a perfectly normal activity by, 82% of people?
Seriously, it's time to unplug. Get a life.
3
From the article: "By releasing your own photos, you can normalize what is already normal and..." (etc). Is that serious or tongue in cheek? Can't tell from the way it's written. But surely a cost benefit assessment (risk of dick pix leakage versus value & benefits gained by sharing) can't be deemed a 'normal' equation - especially for CEO of Amazon and world's richest person?
It seems Mr. Savage's point - what Bezos should really be ashamed of - has been lost on most commenters so far.
3
I don't think it's necessary- most people can figure out what he sent to a consenting adult. Most people have seen naked bodies and don't need to see his. Should we be more comfortable with nudity? I guess. But this is really more about sex than what one's body looks like. And on that, once you get past either non-consent or underage, its really no one's business.
The bar has been set so low by politicians and other celebrities who harass, rape, manipulate underage men and women, expose themselves to people that don't consent- facing almost no consequences beyond some brief public shame (in most cases), that what Bezos did- cheat on his wife and sext his mistress just seems quaint. Like who cares, I would have honestly assumed he had better skeletons in his closet.
I have European background and nudity and sex has a different perspective there than it does here.
It has always blown me away that the western world seem to think it's ok for people to watch movies with people extreme violence and rape, but people showing naked bodies or making love are not ok?
I am most surprised at the amount of comments chastising the point of view that has been expressed. It would appear as though the narrow minded opinions of religion are still at the forefront of people's attitudes. In 2019 the opinion in this article is not out of the norm, people who believe nudity and sex to be vulgar are.
Where are the lawyers? Jeff Bezos can afford a legion of the best of the best.
Trump won't share his tax returns, but I bet he'd be all on board with sharing some nude selfies, especially considering what he said about the size of his hands.
3
We all worry about our kids and being role model for them.
Mr. Bezos had to make a hard decision between extortion and hiding his extramarital relationship and exposing his sex life and sex parts. Not the end of the world.
There is a lesson learned in risk management and ethics. Which is worse human behavior? Which should not be tolerated at all.
Since we do not know much about Mr. Bezos relationship with his wife and kids, we cannot assume anything. He may have an agreement to open marriage. We do not know.
But what we do know that he is willing to take responsibility for his actions and stop extortion.
This should serve a role model for lesson in ethics.
We women and #metoo movement should learn that paying or getting paid to keep silence emerges in abusive behavior.
Good 4U Mr. Bezos.
His kids will know he made the rights choice!
Quite happy to NOT be "nearly everyone" who "has something out there." And I know I'm hardly alone. I think the writer is biased by his line of work.
Or was this *supposed* to be a satire? Hard to tell sometimes.
5
I'd like to think there is a tongue in cheek quality to this essay but sadly you're probably serious. No, sport, we don't all have nude photos circulating on the net or in the digital world of servers or cloud memory.
Even more unfortunate is your blithe suggestion that nude photos be exchanged with complete strangers. The tragedies that have resulted, almost always by women beguiled by homicidal maniacs are not fodder for "cutesy" columns. I shudder to read on a too frequent basis stories of missing women or kidnapped teens who sent revealing photos to some internet nut.
Your louche advice may be the coin of the realm in the world of some sexual minorities where cultural norms are, and have long been, different. But do not impose them on the general population whose standards (and common sense) you grossly underestimate.
3
The problem with our culture is that people expose too much personal information on the internet through facebook, twitter etc. There is no need to broadcast every aspect of your life. And no, showing everybody your nude pictures should never be the norm; and I don't believe the majority of sane people do this. Pornography has warped sexuality in this country and made too many men sexual predators. Just look at the extent of the MeToo movement.
Mr. Savage is exactly correct to call for Mr. Bezos self-publishing his pics. The only way we will every move beyond the absurdity, shame, and possibility for blackmail in moments like this is to completely refuse to be embarrassed. Pics? Fine! Here ya go! And if you don't want to look, don't look.
Jeff,
Please don't. We are already having a tough year.
Thanks,
Joe and your Alexa
2
D. Savage not even a remotely amusing diversion from the realities of a vast array of human suffering and injustice; even he knows that, nonetheless doomed or contracted to stick with this shtick that pays his bills…
2
Do it, Jeff! Everybody's junk looks pretty much the same. But the downfall of the Inquirer will be a sight nobody will forget.
1
Dan's perspective is he is looking to take power away from the photos, he suggests this to his listeners all the time, if you are being extorted get in front of it, talk to your family and friends and take the power away from the extorter. Some people really need to loosen up, did you even read the article? No one is getting sexual pleasure from someone else's private images, it is all about power. Take away the stigma and take away the power. Dan Savage is an American treasure.
1
@CEI:
"an American treasure"?
So are the La Brea Tar Pits. And Death Valley.
2
This article seems extremely assumptive in the wrong way. I have never taken a photo of myself naked to try and "flirt" with a prospective partner. I used better methods, or at least I thought they were better - show the prospective partner the kind of person I was. This article assumes 90% of us have sent naked pictures of ourselves, and perhaps our private parts, to current or prospective intimate partners. I hope its a smaller percentage than this article implies. I hope most people have better strategies for exciting their partners than a photo of what's between their legs.
1
@Chris
I too think the author is way off in his estimates. He's highly biased by the niche he's in, his own bubble.
2
People have been doing this for a long, long time. I doubt the 88% figure though, considering 14% of the population are seniors. While they're having more sex than they used to, I imagine the great majority still have a strong sense of modesty, not necessarily prudery. I didn't take naked pics of myself when I was young and firm. I sure wouldn't take them now.
I was raised in a ridiculously (in hindsight) modest family environment. If we girls were glimpsed zipping the four feet from our bedroom to the bathroom wearing our full slips, with underwear and bras underneath, we heard about it. It was literally traumatic for many of us in our Midwestern state to enter public high school and be forced to take group showers. I was sick to my stomach with anxiety on shower days. The boys had their own traumas of having to swim naked on Swim days. So this idea of everything being so free and easy in the Sixties was not true for most.
When I was twelve I spent a week with my Dad and his wife. There was a stack of recently developed photos on the coffee table, not in the sleeve or hidden in any way, so I looked through them. I was transfixed by a photo he'd taken of her fully exposing her breast. I may have been an innocent but I'd seen enough movies to recognize the come hither look on her face. All I knew was the rules must really change when you're an adult.
3
One wishes Dan Savage’s spouse would tweet his response to this god-awful advice in two words that Pam Northam recently made famous, “inappropriate circumstances.”
You never know with billionaires these days, but hopefully Jeff Bezos is not that stupid. Let’s hope there is a smidgen of national honor and decency that remains before this administration leaves office.
In any case, if Mr. Bezos does take Mr. Savage’s advice, we can say our constitutional right to privacy has been forever lost to the vagaries of the First Amendment.
2
Oh gosh. Does any woman want to see these photos? I get what Dan is saying but it just shows how women and men are wired so differently. Please speak up if you are a woman and just delight in receiving this type of intimate photo. Maybe I am clueless.
2
@Cheryl
Not clueless. Normal. And thank you.
2
I wholeheartedly agree. Jeff - release the kraken!
If the author wants our culture to evolve toward healthier attitudes about sex, he should stop calling sexy photos “dirty.” They’re not dirty, they’re just sexy, and as normal as apple pie.
I like the idea of "release a nude-day" annual event, but who wants to see pics of Trump or Chuck Grassley?
88% of adults have sexted? Really? So that makes me one of 12% who are missing out on all the sexting fun out there? I can't believe I've been continuously gay for four decades yet somehow missed out on this latest sex fad. So much for my hip-happening "gay lifestyle."
3
Mr. Savage, why don’t you release nude photos of yourself on the internet and save Mr. Bezos the trouble?
Just because 88% of people sext doesn’t mean that sexy, nude photos of ourselves should become commonplace. I’m not ready for A Brave New World society where everybody belongs to each other!
I don't think i've ever read more tone deaf comments, and i'm one of those weirdos who reads the comment sections! This isn't about pictures of Mr. Bezos manhood, people, this is about wage theft! Everyone is talking about how Mr. Bezos rightly called AMI's bluff, but not about wage theft by Amazon, which is the real issue. Why everyone is so worried about one white man's semi-erect manhood, and not the economic livelihoods of thousands of workers, is beyond the pale.
@MaryAlecian This particular article is about nude photos, blackmail and extortion. Wage theft would be in the Business Section.
We get it. You don’t approve of Amazon.
The nexus of everywhere and all-the-time media on your phone in a neo-puritan country is why the National Enquirer exists and why this is such a big story. And the idea of a rich somebody publishing pictures of their private parts as a viable corrective action for this media blitz and slime extortion - forgive me - seems a little naive ("for the good of the country and especially our kids?").
Everybody's in on the act: the sex advice columnist? "Allow me to generalize and normalize this phenomenon." Whoa Nelly! Run it by Dear Abby - if you have to - and let it go at that.
Only in America...
Dear Men,
I hate to break it to you, but, while many of us enjoy you and want to be with you in the biblical sense, we are not interested in seeing any pictures of your private parts.
Sincerely,
Most Women
1
Why can't be be scorned for what bad he's doing to his employees and also praised for fighting back against the Enquirer?
Life is not so black and white.
2
Dan, what a pleasure to find your refreshing and enriching comments on the pages of the NYT!
No better way to put this, mobile phones are part of daily life, so they are part of daily sex life.
In this case, I´m so happy to be part of the privileged many. Nobody gives a hoot or pays a dime for our selfies, dirty or clean or whatever!
2
"the American Psychological Association primly observed. Fully 88 percent of adults reported swapping sext messages at least once; 82 percent had sexted with someone in the last year."
Utter nonsense. Yes, the APA wrote this, however that doesn't mean you can just repeat it's as fact.
2
If you go to a beach in Germany, everyone who wants to be is naked. No one cares -- and it makes the swimming easier. Now, to be fair, if you're naked outside in the winter here in Wisconsin, you have made a horrible error, but what makes us in America so weird about nudity?
@Frank I used to go swimming at Yugoslavia’s nude beaches. Great swimming. I am still not interested in seeing the Bezos’ family jewels.
Unprecedented Trump should start, by releasing his nude selfies along with his tax returns. Not clear which would be more damaging: the "Toad From Mario Kart" or the non-billionaire indebted to Russians.
A fish rots from the head down!
What else, according to Mr Savage, should one share? Are we supposed to post everything on-line? In truth, Mr Savage misses the point entirely, as there will always be something to blackmail someone with; we've all done things we later wish we hadn't.
What's more bemusing is he' suggesting this when there's a huge international discussion about increasing privacy on the web. In short, this was an asinine suggestion, not to be taken seriously.
1
A new low for the NYT. You may claim the article is tongue in cheek, but the tone and content is consistent with Dan Savage's usual product. I'm not morally offended in the usual sense, but I am embarrassed for the newspaper. This is such low grade silliness highlighted by an obviously fake statistic about the extent of sexting that, ironically, it might not meet the standards of the National Enquirer. Trump's tweets may have not have intimidated the Times, but they have certainly influenced its level of discourse - not in a good way.
..
Very funny Mr Savage. It was enjoyable watching a hated billionaire tear up a loathed tabloid king who can't keep up with the things people no longer care about. It was like watching a mean hunter walk into a cave and poke the sleeping grizzly bear with a sharp stick. What could go wrong?
This doesn't seem very respectful of Bezos or how this request might seem to him. The article seems to boil down to "you're an exploiter so take up my cause of making nudity no big deal and you'll be excused/redeeemed." This moves stinks of opportunism and seems to justify lack of respect for Bezos' personal decisions based on how he treats him employees.
1
I thought Louis C.K. settled the question of whether you should show your genitals to people who have not asked to see them. Mr. Bezos, if you are at all inclined towards this suggestion please copyright your photos and limit their distribution to adults who volunteer for the experience.
2
I do love the wise comments of others on these issues as I am hoping that it helps me grow.
I loved "There is no need for him(Mr Bezos) to release something that is/was meant to be private. For goodness sake, enough! Really, to what end?" and I agree. Even Mr Bezos has a right to his privacy.
I also loved the Jewel from T: "To each their own, but what I’d really like to see exposed is American Media by federal prosecutors. I’m sure that will paint a much dirtier picture than anything Bezos has to share." I would love to see Mr Mueller now state to David Pecker "You have violated the terms of your federal protection, you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."
Last, I am NOT a fan of Dan Savage, though I support his right to write & NYT's act of publishing it, I am pro-hetero but have open ears to other points of views. I will listen & consider but I give fair warning, "Don't tread on me." If you like something that I reject & it is legal & between consenting adults, go for it. If U value your safety, U will NOT come at me with it. I promise U I will respond fiercely. I fully tolerate other lifestyles, from a distance."
Peace & growth to all
I can imagine someone who is not familiar with Mr. Savage's column and podcast would read this piece and think, "Is this man insane?"
No, he is far from it. He is as wise about sexual relationships as anyone you will ever meet. It is a delight to listen to someone so open and non-judgmental speak about sensitive topics with frankness and truth.
I'm reminded of the story of a French diplomat whom the Russians tried to blackmail with pics of his sexual antics. The diplomat asked for enlargements and extra copies to send to his friends. Would that we call be so healthy.
If there’s something positive and liberating about sending out nude photos, why do you characterize them as “dirty”....why not “intimate”, “personal” or some other more neutral description.
1
The most amazing part of the Bezos Affair to me is that this man who built an online empire from scratch would be so clueless about the lack of privacy on the Internet. I wonder if his data collection policies for Amazon will change?
Food for thought. However, I interpret this essay as being somewhat tongue in cheek. I'm surprised that so many commentators are taking his request so seriously.
The New York Times is scraping bottom when they start running pieces by Dan Savage. Appropriate for The Onion, maybe even Huffington Post, but in the newspaper of record? Apparently click rates and fluff now matter more standards.
2
I'd suggest that in the name of choice and bodily autonomy -and yes, privacy - Bezos should do whatever he wants with his pictures and not be pressured otherwise by anyone, regardless of their intentions.
I do think "release a nudie" day could have some merit so perhaps you can go organize that. If it happened at enough scale it could still have an impact, even if Bezos declines to participate.
So how did Michael Sanchez get the pictures from his sister? Did he hack her phone, or did she just hand them over? How did Jeff Bezos decide to blow up his family for a roll in the hay with a hottie who's brother is a trump supporter? This raises the question of: Did AMI use Lauren Sanchez to entice Bezos into an affair to get racy photos, blow up his family and in general do as much naughty damage to Bezos as possible as revenge for Washington Post's pointed editorials against trump?
1
WeoftheBalanitisResearchCommune: Would like to see Mr. Bezos buy up the mortgages, business and personal debts, etc. connected to Mr. Pecker and his AMI company and take control of the vermin "newspaper".
In the midst of all this controversy/non-controversy, depending on your perspective about sexting, are we losing sight of Bezos cheating on his wife of twenty-five years? How humiliating for her and their four children! I find the whole affair horribly distasteful, and even as satisfying as it is to see Pecker and AMI called out for their lack of ethics, I can't agree that Bezos has a claim to the moral high ground. And for pity's sake, I'd really prefer not to see those photos published, even if the majority of Americans have sexted at one time or another. I'm disgusted enough already.
1
love ya.
but really, really the problems of one dog-eat-dog billionaire is this the worst problem in the united states rightn now? Bezos is well known for his mistreatment of employees and women employees especially. I used to be one. So honestly I am having a little fun at Bezos expense and especially his stupidity. meanwhile my hard earned uber money is not going to pay for anything on amazon.
but really? does anyone care about pecker and bezos?
I think that some of us care about Pecker and his below the belt tactics. Not just the ones he perpetuated on Bezos, but his use of them to hide important stories from publication.
Intentionally exposing oneself is still intentionally exposing oneself, whatever the motive, whatever the medium, and it's illegal in many jurisdictions.
I'm no legal expert, but that's the long and short of it. And an erect penis makes the legal analysis even harder.
"Free the Nipple", Laura Dodsworth's photo series of 100 penises and 100 vulvas, the NUproject pictures of average women nude and, I guess, Jeff Bezos Day. Naked bits are not that big a deal. It's more than just freeing "us" from stigma and blackmail, it's about seeing random strangers nude and comfortable in and with their bodies and thinking, "hey, that looks like me" or even better, "who cares?"
1
You first, Mr. Savage.
1
"the dirty pics a gay sex-advice columnist sent to his husband don’t have the power to change the world."
If Dan cant 'change the world' on his own steam, he can certainly not ask Jeff to do it for him.
Ridiculous person, this Dan. Just because he gets to write his articles for NYT doesn't give him the right to assume positions based on that sole distinction and privilege.
2
Dan Savage, HAVE YOU GONE INSANE ? I've agreed with you in the past, on many issues, but this time I think you've gone off your rocker. Jeff Bezos is winning in the public opinion square PRECISELY because he is asserting his right to keep those pics private, while facing blackmail from a criminal bully.
You haven't even thought this out, Dan: how would Bezos know which pictures to publish ? He can't possibly know for sure exactly what AMI has. Can you imagine David Pecker gloating about how he "forced" Bezos to release his pics ?
No, Dan. You're naive in thinking that Bezos releasing his pics would help make America become less prudish. If you really think that way, start by publishing your own pics. Your excuse that they would have a small impact is hypocritical and pathetic. If anyone is to publish Bezos' pictures, let it be David Pecker, and let him face the universal condemnation he would deserve.
Mr. Savage's assumption that "adults" take and send selfies of their genitalia is questionable to say the least. So far, it is primarily an activity that men engage in, and often the recipients--if they're women--are repulsed.
The far more serious aspect of this whole story is the question of whether or not Jeff Bezos, as the publisher of the Washington Post, which has published stories that are not flattering to Trump, was targeted deliberately by the publisher of The Enquirer, David Pecker.
Lauren Sanchez's brother Michael was "told by several people at AMI that the Enquirer wanted to do 'a takedown to make Trump happy'" according to Maureen Dowd's column.
Please don't Jeff.
Makes me pine for the days of the Polaroid, when people's homemade porn, or whatever you want to call it, remained unduplicated, in the back of a drawer.
2
Teenagers have been sending "selfies" before there were even selfies. In the "good ole days" kids would take those "below the belt photos" of their new puberty-born sexuality in those old-fashioned photo booths of the Ozzie and Harriet era. And girls would often reciprocate with above the belt, but below the neck, photos of their newly formed endowment. But, they were teens not adults; and they may have displayed their privates while maintaining their privacy. Now we've come to the age of men and women regressing to teens with shameless and seemingly idiotic abandon of their sense of privacy as well as their commonsense. And just who really wants to see the "selfies" of such aging Lotharios and their paramours? Maybe we need to have a "Keep Your Fly Zipped and Your Bra Hooked" Day for all those lusting to be 19 again.
What bothers me more than people taking photos of their most cherished parts of their anatomy is that this morning I had to see one more photo of Miley Cyrus with her tongue hanging out of her mouth while attending the Grammys. This was before breakfast too.
1
Photos of genitals should be public record, and on your driver’s license and your passport. That way nobody could be blackmailed, and eventually nobody would even be interested.
1
If you’re a loser, you might as well celebrate being a loser. Go for it! Release those pics. Take some more, and appear in a porn flick while you’re at it.
Could some of the tension in the U.S. be due to the fact that almost seeing one nipple can practically end a career in the same country that produces the most pornography in the world?
2
I'm a gay man. I can't believe I'm reading a vapid Dan Savage column in the Times.
Leave Savage's "nationally syndicated" little essays where they belong: in the alternative free weeklies I might skim at a taqueria.
1
Ew. Please, Jeff, don't post your manhood selfie. And Dan Savage, you must be living on the planet of "dirty pics". On my planet, we're not "all carrying little pornography studios around with us."
Hey, Dan!!
You gotta make a choice here -- either photos of genitalia are liberating, or they are "dirty".
If you think they are liberating, then you should never, ever use the word "dirty" to describe such photos.
How did this contradictory absurdity slip by the NYT editors??
1
I don't know under what guise the Times is choosing to publish this asinine article. It is not intelligent commentary, nor does it have any entertainment value as satire.
This alleged extortion attempt has potential ramifications not only for Mr. Bezos personally, but the much wider scope of investigations by Mueller and various state prosecutors. Publishing this rubbish diminishes the importance of those investigations.
No doubt authorities are looking at this from a criminal perspective and of course Bezos might have an actionable matter in the civil courts. Were he to follow the writer's nonsensical advice and release nude photos of himself, then of course he would be invalidating any claim to damages he might seek at trial.
2
This column contains some seriously bad advice.
2
One more thing, Since when obscene exposure is good for the country and especially for our kids? I would never take the advice of this ruderless sex columnist.
1
While we read about his body part selfies, what's with all these intersperced racy bra ads every 2 inches or so when I scroll down an article? And the poses in some of them would make Stormy Daniels look like a Sunday school teacher.
1
Great piece. Savage as sane swami.
What a savage culture is here proposed!!
when the times started up its "style" section, its executive editor at the time, bill keller, said that running what he called "fashion porn" was worth it if it meant keeping the baghdad bureau open. (thanks to former executive editor jill abramson for the reference.) is this irresponsible op-ed signaling to us that the times is getting ready to open the door to real porn in its pages? i wonder what the tradeoff would be for that? maybe keeping the style section. contrast this to the achingly essential investigative work the times does and the war correspondents like declan walsh who risk their lives daily to bring high quality journalism to these pages. has the amoral world of social media invaded the gray lady's boudoir?
I would more than willingly participate in your “Share a Nude Selfie Day,” Mr. Savage, but I am certain that if I did, that day you would rapidly be renamed Kaopectate Day or Pepto Bismol Day…
OMG, why would I be interested in Bezo's nude pictures?? Same reason I would not be interested in yours, Dan. You have way too much time on your hands.
1
Another classy Liberal taking the moral high road.
With help from people like Dan Savage, maybe one day we can outgrow our puritanical horror of the human body and agree that photos of human genitalia are boring.
This is not an op-ed, it’s an advertisement. Give us a break, Mr. Savage. The absurdity of sexting (with or without photos) is exceeded only by its stupidity. No one (including quite likely the original intended recipient)—wants to see the photo privates of anyone, let alone those of Mr. Bezos. This is not journalism. Please, just stop this nonsense.
"Sure, I could go first and release a few of my own. But the dirty pics a gay sex-advice columnist sent to his husband don’t have the power to change the world. The dirty pics the world’s richest man sent to his girlfriend? They do."
Well, suggesting that the world's seeing Bezos' dirty pics would change the world is a bit, what's the word, overstated? But if Mr. Savage is serious, why not do his part? Publish your own, Mr. Savage. Lead the way. ("This little light of mine, I'm gonna make it shine....")
So you got an off-center celebrity columnist to give you a piece that's supposed to be somewhat amusing, somewhat cutting-edge, somewhat...oh, I don't know...but really is a space filler. Mr. Savage has been a valuable voice over the years about many things, but I don't think this is worth my time, his, or yours.
1
88%? Not. It's too stupid. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware of who got fake-elected president, as far as that goes. But not 88%. My wife would laugh at me if I ever did anything that absurd, and that's why I married her.
2
I must be getting too old. I can’t believe this column was published in the New York Times.
You first, Dan Savage. Dig out your phone if necessary and take what you call dirty pictures and post them.
Go even further, Dan Savage. Collect all your dirty laundry of all types and air it. Show us you are not just another guy trying to be clever.
Still want to see yours anyway Dan...please!
"Nearly everyone has a few nude photographs out there somewhere". Um, no. Maybe in your circles, Dan. But please don't pretend to speak for everyone.
1
Dan Savage (Is that your pen name?), why are you even using the word "dirty" to make good points?
A pre-teen boy watched a casino cabaret. He opined “If you’ve seen two, you’ve seen them all.” He referred to women’s breasts, but it applies to male genitals also.
1
“Dirty?”
Really? How retardataire!
Dear. God. No. Please.
No Mr Savage, we don’t all or maybe even that many of us spend our time posting pictures of our genitalia on line for our friends, lovers and everyone else to see. And I couldn’t care less for those who choose to do so and it’s their right. But for those of you who have not figured out that our privacy is essentially a thing of the past and it’s all about selling our data, with Amazon the prime culprit of this theft, ironically, I have no sympathy when you are “exposed.”
I used to live in Seattle, fortunately not any more. But I was there when George W and Chaney commenced their illegal and disastrous campaigns in Iraq and Afghanistan. I read the Seattle Stranger regularly and was really disgusted when this idiot wrote in his column he supported those crimes. As in this piece I couldn’t tell if he was serious or just laughing at the rest of us who were on the outside of his exclusive Seattle clique.
1
I will bet there are more than a few pious folks who condemn others while skin dancing in front of a smart phone. After all, God forgives the sinner who repents but, I'd wager it is reserved for the drunk and stupid and not the hypocrite.
Ah, Dan, when it comes to rousing the hopelessly domesticated from their waking slumbers, you haven't lost a step.
Ugh! Openness is good, but privacy is better. I don't want to look at pictures of you naked anyway.
2
I don't really understand why people want to send or, even more so receive, pictures of someone else's genitals. However, in addition to Savage's thought that a full release of such pictures would collapse the blackmail and revenge business, one other advantage that I can think of is that perhaps all those teenagers out there who hate their bodies because they think they are especially ugly may come to realize that they are in fact just normal.
"When you're hot you're hot. When you're not you're not!"
Dan, if you'd like to see Mr. Bezos'....or Mr. Wiener's....or any other sexter's dirty selfies, do inquire directly yourselfy. Many of us...I dare to say a huge majority of Americans...are willing to forego the pleasure, though it's clear that you are not.
1
Really half the fun is knowing that
just that certain someone has your
dirty pic.
Not with you on this one Dan. But
I would still vote for you for President!
Why do you have to call them dirty?
Frankly, if you've seen one, you've seem 'em all.
No, you go first, Dan. Walk the walk.
2
Thoughts from a 74 year old Canadian gay man: come on folks, once you have seen one, you have seen them all.
1
What? 82% of you guy do that? I mean send out the sex text. I am not in that 82% for sure.
2
I would like to see Mr. Savage's pics.
1
I cannot imagine any sane person wanting to see such photos of Mr. Bezos.
Ugh.
Only thing worse would be Russian pics/videos of POTUS.
Double ugh.
No, quadruple ugh.
By calling the pics "dirty," you undermine your own argument.
1
The hypocrisy is in the word “dirty”
1
Dirty laundry is washed, not hung out for all to see.
2
Dave Savage, I'm cool with you asking bezos this if only you had released your own embarrassing photos first. Why does he have to be the one to do it? Because he's so rich? You start then
1
Dear Dan (is that the correct way to address a self-described sex advice columnist). I don't want to see your photos but you seem to have real interest in seeing Jeff Bezos' photos for the 'health of the kids'. Why do you think his photos would have more impact on children's health than you or your sexting acquaintances releasing theirs? Surely you haven't come to this article with some sort of inferiority complex? What on earth does any of your article have to do with the irrelevance that you are an Amazon shareholder and Prime subscriber?
1
I know this for sure, I'd rather see Dan Savage's dirty pics than Jeff Bezos'. Dan Savage makes me laugh, and there's nothing sexier.
Five minutes of my time that I'm not going to get back
5
"We’re all carrying little pornography studios around with us in our pockets."
Oh, come on.
3
Why is this kind of stuff even "reported?" Who is divorcing whom and why is not news!
We are a repressed culture to say the least. We have a strange and unhealthy relationship to all things body. It's all buried in shadowy religious stuff where priests violate nuns and children but that is somehow ok as long as it's kept in the closet.
I've warned my partner who is from the EU more than once: "America is the land of the horny Puritans!"
Weadd: Is Mr. Savage titilated by Mr. Bezos' exposure?
I will pay you to never release your photos.
1
Looks like I cancelled my NYT subscription at about the right time.
2
Really, NYT readers, I thought better of us. Too few of you recognize satire when you see it.
Well done, Mr. Savage
This article is a joke, right? (A poor one at that. In fact it's not funny, not funny all.)
1
If the good Lord had meant us to see each other nude, we would have been born naked.
Harrumph.
Total nonsense. A column that should never have made the review process, assuming there is one.
2
Stop! Do not text me a picture of Dan Savage skiing down Queen Anne naked. Just goes to show that billionaires can be dumb too! Really, how old are these people?
Gay culture aside - guys, when you are texting your girlfriends pics of your full monty - think twice. Not so hot. Many women like a little more subtlety.
But I love the point. it would be nice for someone to just normalize this and say, hey - we all have our stupid (yes, stupid) moments where we forget in a moment of passion that a picture lasts forever. Send in the pics, Jeff! For the sake of my young daughters, who I’m sure one day will send a young man their own photos. And if the world laughs - well, I’m pretty sure you can weather the storm.
Almost everyone I know has genitalia of either the male or female kind. Look below your beltline and you'll see that even you have them. They are there so we can make babies. You might not know it but Darwin is stronger than human prudery. And yes, pornography might not be good for young children, but they don't read the National Inquirer. What difference in our eternity would it make to see nude bodies. Thanks to the ancient Greeks for showing us that nudity, intelligence, and the modern world are not destroyed with a little sex. And by the way, the most pornographic organ really is your brain. Happy Jeff Bezos day!!! One more thing: this trump in the White House has had more illicit sex than the Republicans want to admit. Even though they all look sexless, Republicans make babies the same way we all do...using the same body parts. Just ask any Gynocologist. The fun of sex is just practice for the real thing: children. Evolution drives us toward that goal, one young sexual being after another. Is that frightening?
I just loved seeing your name on the front page of my digital NYTimes. You rock, Dan.
Mr. Savage--I think you might feel a little differently if the same situation had faced you as had Mr. Bezos: invasion of personal privacy, hacking of private communications, apparent blackmailing by a powerful media company. As much as I distaste infidelity, attacks on personal privacy is a much bigger issue. Those privacy breaches play out daily in the tabloids and on the Internet with victims' lives, jobs, and relationships ruined. Americans have a basic right to privacy that can only be relinquished voluntarily or if a law has been broken. As you probably know, we have laws that support rights to privacy and laws that prohibit extortion. Mr. Bezos has the resources and the will to win a battle for American rights to personal privacy and the American right not to be blackmailed--even if most of us are not billionaires.
3
It would be much more interesting if no one cared. I have no need to see Jeff Bezos genitalia. And I don't really care. His lover might find it exciting but I don't.
The real place we should strive to attain is: Meh.
Not I'll show you mine. Please show me yours because you are famous and I need to see...
5
@mj Here is a suitable topic for thos immortal words, “ I don’t really care. Do you?”
The sentiment is right, the pics were fine and normal, but they were meant to be kept private. Pecker and his ilk need to be sued and his immunity deal revoked for the threat, and put in jail if they release the photos. What would give them the right to publish something meant as private, and those American's who buy Pecker's products need to realize they are funding this pernicious behaviour.
68
Nothing is normal for the richest man in the world. He can never know who his friends are, and they know he can ditch them anytime (as he did his wife). He's at the mercy of his bodyguards, who know everything about him. The old saying, "the only thing worse than an occupying army, is a mercenary one." Lonely Putin plays hockey with his bodyguards. Great wealth is a great complexifier. The sword of rich Damocles hovers by a very fine thread.
1
@Paul
I agree, but this also goes for other violations of privacy like the News of the World voicemail hacking a while back. I'd love to see privacy kept more private but Dan Savage's suggestion is pretty strong. Normalizing nudity to remove the shame and the inappropriate reactions would help de-claw one of the more vile blackmail tactics out there.
America needs to get a lot less puritanical.
1
In a nation led by a serial sexual harasser supported by an evangelical base, sex scandals are meaningless. I applaud Jeff Bezos--and those words are not easy for me to say--for calling the National Enquirer's bluff, especially if it gets Pecker in trouble for political shenanigans. I agree with Dan's advice, not because I have or plan to release any dirty selfies of my own, but because I couldn't care less about seeing Bezos's selfies and neither should anyone else.
No. Just no.
There's a vulgarity in our culture that has made nudity sinister and evil. They are not the same. Last night's Grammys demonstrated such with dancers costumed like vaginas dancing across the stage, with lyrics that include, "My vagina needs a monologue." and Cardi B singing that she "needs seeds for her eggs.", while dancers are splayed legs open to the sky. Imagine if there had been an homage to the penis. Some may think that's cute or clever but it was just distasteful, sophomoric, lame. Nudity can achieve high art but fewer reach for the goal when the titillating is so easily available. Do better people.
5
Remember streaking? Hardly happens these days. Americans are too prudish about sex. So, sadly, Savage's idea will not go anywhere. People are just too uptight. Last year, an artist painted a vivid depiction of a veiny penis on the side of a building not far from where we live in NYC. I took my young sons quickly to see it - sensing it would be removed shortly. It barely lasted a few hours. "Oh no! A penis!" The craven landlord had it painted over. So many people cannot look at a picture without serious trauma to their fragile psyches - not to mention talk about sex without getting all anxious, sweaty and short of breath. And because they cannot talk about it, they cannot deal with it. This is what allows teen pregnancy to persist and child molesters to molest - the young person is too embarrassed to tell mom or dad that uncle is doing nasty things. People have got to overcome their prudishness so we can solve this problem.
@Joe: Prudish about sex? Not me, but I am disgusted that a discussion of whether or not sexting is normal is usurping the story of yet another person who's thrown aside his obligation to his family in pursuit of a piece of tail, and that goes for Sanchez too. Bezos is no hero to me. He cheated on his wife and destroyed his family. As gratifying as it is to see Pecker pilloried, I don't think Bezos' betrayal of his wife and children is worth celebrating.
I can't express how little I care about Bezos's or anyone's nude pics. This trash is truly the hobgoblin of little minds. No wonder this nation elected Trump.
Why isn't anyone paying attention to the real issue here? What is the connection between Pecker, Trump and possibly Khashoggi?
Trump and Pecker go way back. If anyone is holding impeachable evidence its Pecker. And Muller knows it.
5
Thank you for pointing out that Jeff Bezos is no hero. He has the money and power to withstand the embarrassment of having these photos on display, so kudos to him. In the meantime, wage theft is the tip of the iceberg of Amazon's destructiveness. Let's talk more about that and less about "Bezos exposes Pecker."
3
As evidence, I believe the pictures/digital images exist, and also that there is no one, under normal circumstances, on Earth who would want his own genitalia anywhere on display and enhanced or altered for clarity. The fact that the images/evidence are worth the investigation/legal battle is true no matter how much it costs Bezos, which is not the problem for him. Let the lawyers and judge and jury see it all. That's enough precedent for me and mine.
Carry on in court so that hopefully, someday what we will see is the carcass of the National Enquirer carried out disgraced, bankrupt and extinct. A Pecker perp walk would be nice, but probably won't happen.
I think a lot of people are missing the point here. Nudity is not dirty, it is not a sin. While our genitalia are not our most attractive parts, there's nothing wrong with them that needs to be hidden. The sexualization of nudity leads to the titillation of almost-nudity in fashion that leads us in turn to obsess over certain body parts which remain hidden for no reason other than convention. People at nudist colonies stop obsessing about penises and vaginas because once you've seen a few, they lose their fascination.
I'm not suggesting that we all walk around nude. I live in NJ, it's cold, it would be distracting at the office, there are hygiene issues, and most people look better with some packaging. But if we abandoned proscriptions of nudity, legal and cultural, we could separate the nudity on the internet into the non-problems (nudity), the appropriate for adults only (pictures and videos of people enjoying sex), and the real problem (pictures and videos of sexual acts that demean individuals or groups, show people hurting each other, involve minors, or involve unwilling participants). It's no terrible thing to remind people that we are all the same with our clothes off, no matter our income, race, religion, or political denomination.
90
@Tom, I don't think others are missing the point. It's just that some readers think a battle over our social mores about nudity is more important than respecting the right of a private citizen to make his own choices about said battle. I don't agree with the priorities of those who think the cultural battle is more important than showing respect for what people do and don't want to keep private.
4
Give him a break. Mr. Bezos should have learned the lesson. He will not do it again, I hope. May be he can donate a couple of million dollars to charity to win public support against Mr. Pecker.
Bulletin to men: no one wants a picture of your junk. No one. Ever.
Bulletin to women: get some dignity and stop behaving as though your body is your only saleable asset. It isn’t.
If this article is correct, I am apparently one of the remaining few who has never sent pictures of myself naked or received pictures of anyone else - in whole or in part - naked. I think the whole idea is not only repellant but narcissistic in the extreme. What makes anyone think their bits and pieces are even remotely attractive?
While I revile Jeff Bezos’ workplace ethos and his treatment of his employees, I admire utterly his “publish and be damned” attitude towards the aptly named Pecker and AMI. The Enquirer has been going on too long as it is, and in my opinion, can claim to be a significant player in the overall dumbing-down of the Nation. Just the fact that Pecker hangs with Kushner and the Saudis should be proof enough of his dubious morality. His gross attempts to blackmail anyone - or rather, anyone worth ($$) blackmailing - are merely extra proof of his gutter ideology. And if, as this article hints, this attempt was made at the urging of the President, well, as we all know, like calls to like.
2
Society changes when it’s time to change; not before!
At 80 years old, you know where we got our sex education? National Geographic. Sex was a dirty word. Marriage became “Legalized Prostitution” in many cases. The 60’s was a welcomed relief for many of us. Playboy magazine opened the doors followed closely by Hustler, Screw and other magazines, each going further and further until today, they’re all pretty much gone.
The naked human body is indeed beautiful. Born without clothes. No shame!
Now, back to reality
The human imagination is so much more powerful and exciting than REALITY!
2
It’s ironic that you never mention how this particular type of sexual liberation might impact our youth. You say it would make things safer for them, but never offer any specificity. How unfortunate when they are our most precious moral and social “commodity.”
Now I’m not sure that having a release-a-nude-pic day ultimately would impact them negatively, but simply saying it would somehow make things safer for them doesn’t make it so.
1
He should sell the pics on Amazon Prime and donate the proceeds to "10 overlooked press freedom groups that deserve support" (Columbia Journalism Review). Monetize the pics for the common good, Mr. Bezos! Be the tip of the sword!
1
I would assume this piece is a satire of some kind. If not, it could only have been written by a person not engaged or concerned about raising the next generation. No responsible parent will consider sending photos of genitals as one of the cardinal truths of forming character, integrity or promoting decency in young people. It's an extreme form of narcissism that we can all do without. This has nothing to do with being prudish. By now, we all know anything electronically transmitted runs the risks of being shared with the whole world. We don't need to see Jeff Bezos's genitals, but it would be great to see the evidence of wage theft of his workers. That is more important to us in building a fair and decent society.
3
88%! Now I feel like such an old fogey that I don't have any sexy selfies. Once again, as with the prescription opiate epidemic, I feel horribly left out of our ever-advancing popular culture. It's just like high school: once again, I'm not one of the cool kids. I could snap some, but my wife would just laugh -- not the reaction I'd be looking for -- and even I don't want to see them. That lying mirror on the wall is bad enough.
2
88% has sexted. I don't think so.
1
As the saying went in college, if you haven't seen it, you won't recognize it; if you have, it doesn't matter.
" ... Fully 88 percent of adults reported swapping sext messages at least once; 82 percent had sexted with someone in the last year."
Don't believe it.
2
For Amazon Prime only.
2
I don't think this is a good issue for the author of this article to get snarky or sidetracked over. I AGREE that the issue at hand is ludicrous. The hypocrisy that people show astounds me. Everyone "hates pornography" and yet billions seek it out regularly on the Internet. The demise of bars used to meet our prospective spouse or just a one-night-stand has for years been displaced by apps. Yet we profess shock and disgust at the idea that someone has texted a naked picture of himself, it's outrageous. So if Dan Savage would have not focused on attacking Amazon in his piece by talking about unrelated issues like tips for drivers and TRULY focused on saying "release the pics because they REALLY don't matter" then I might have found this article interesting and ahead of the curve As written, it's just bad advice from a bad sex councilor.
What kind of people take selfies of themselves naked and post it on the internet? Whatever happened to self-respect? Jeff Bezos is no better than the National Enquirer in that respect. Where are the boundaries of decency that used to prevail in our society? The internet has opened up a Pandora's box of slime and decadency, immorality and self-hatred where anything goes and everyone should be able to say, do and post whatever they want. Society has stooped to an all-time low and for that we should feel a terrible sadness.
2
It's not that the photos are Nude. It's the fact that the photos are the instrument of the blackmail (or whatever ya wanna call it). I believe Mr. Savage's point is ... by Bezos publishing the photos (regardless of what they show) it takes away the power of the threat.
As far as the run-on thesis, I think I'll pass on releasing nude photos by not taking any in the first place. Signed: Mr. Prude
"Honey, where'd I put the Polaroid camera?"
That Jeff Bezos would release below the belt selfies may go some way toward eliminating blackmail. Still, I wonder how many creeps will still be in the blackmail business staging scripted scenes where drugs are used to cognitively and physically immobilize victims. Conscious and volitional transmission of selfies is one thing. Victims of blackmail schemes find themselves in a different scenario.
As a millennial, I came to this comment section to observe the predictable hand-wringing and pearl-clutching from the NYT readership. I was not disappointed!
Yes, most young people (under age 30, let’s say) engage in sexting and the exchange of nude photos with their lovers and “hookups.” I personally have not and will never do this — mostly because I’m a private person but also because I’ve seen firsthand how intimate photos can easily be used as fodder for blackmail or even extortion by a spiteful ex.
But if anything, the Jeff Bezos fiasco should tell us that this behavior (the sharing of nude photos/sexts) is increasingly normal. If it’s happening between consenting adults, why stigmatize it?
2
" ... Fully 88 percent of adults reported swapping sext messages at least once; 82 percent had sexted with someone in the last year."
Oh really, Mr. Savage???
Back in the 'olden days', we used to subscribe to the Philadelphia Inquire. And, every day after work my father brought home a copy of the Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. Mother liked her 'tabloid'. So, at lunch time when school was out, mother sent me to the corner store to buy the gossipy tabloid- type daily, the Philadelphia Daily News.
I admit, by the time I was in Junior High School, I loved reading the scandals too! The best celebrity gossip was printed in The Daily News. I can still remember the write up about Liz Taylor breaking up [Philly born] Eddie Fisher's marriage to Debbie Reynolds!!!! At the time it was scandalous!
Of course there were other news articles in the Philadelphia Inquire, the city's morning news paper, which were about social and political events that became the topics we discussed after dinner. My father, an avid reader, was always patient listening attentively to my many questions.
After I began high school, thinking myself more informed, I was puzzled by a University researched report I read that seemed bias in the statistics cited. I knew I want to discuss my concerns with my father when he returned home that evening. I will never forget his simple response.
"Don't be too quick to believe everything you read, no matter the research source or government data."
1
I, for one, defintaely do not want to see Jeff Bezos' sexfies - or anybody else's for that matter. I'll take them as read (seen).
1
I wonder if Mrs. Bezos thinks he’s so brave and heroic.
2
No, don't. We live in too exhibitionistic an age already.
2
Proud to be a member of the 12%.
4
Seriously? How do you think Bezos’ soon to be ex-wife would feel about those photos meant for another woman? How about their kids? Releasing them will solve nothing except fulfill your lurid curiosity and hurt innocents. You are right, no one wants or cares if you post your own nude photos along with private texts sent to your husband. We all should not want to see Jeff Bezos’ intimate communications or at least have those wants over ridden by sympathy for what that might do to him and innocent human beings.
2
All the more reason to begin working out.
1
No Dan- everyone does not have nude photographs of themselves and I've never taken nude photograph of anyone except my 6 year old and those were attached to her medical records to show the extent of the allergic reaction she was having to her doctor! They were deleted from my phone immediately thereafter.
Besides, I'm sure Jeff Bezos's junk doesn't look very different from the photo of him in this article minus one eye!
2
OK, this is just absurd.
No one needs, or wants, to see sexts of Savage, or Bezos, or frankly anyone else. How this practice got started is really beyond me. Why would someone want to intentionally cheapen themselves? Maybe you're Jeff Bezos and you can ultimately get away with it, because you have that kind of leverage. And I know that Dan Savage just thinks the world of himself, and is certain that he is, oh, so witty. But do you really need to encourage your kids, and others, to be so reckless with their futures? Those pictures go around the world in a techno-second. Try explaining that one to your college admissions officer, or your future boss.
Not your finest moment of good parenting, Dan Savage. Maybe rethink this one.
1
So wonderful to hear from Dan Savage on this topic He said the exact thing I was thinking. We can call it #mynudeselfie.
1
If Mr. Savage is a shareholder, why not bring a derivative suit demanding the right to the pictures? This would hardly be the weakest derivative suit in history.
I suspect this exhibition of being deliberate sophisticated public relations designed to get this billionaire the same identification with the "common man" that President Trump has acquired similarly. The era of sex blackmail should be ending in advanced populations. I would never accede to it, and I try not to abet it by undue interest. In standard lives, sex is a very major feature. As our lives grow greater, sex assumes a more proportional place - as with the world's most powerful and most wealthy persons and as with more and more of us all. All people: end your part in blackmail. Respect people's personal lives and differences. And marvel at our world's evolving psychology, public relations, and leadership.
5
The extent of my response the the Bezos / Sanchez affair is just that another person I admired for his family man image has fallen off his pedestal and been exposed as a charlatan. And I'll be using Amazon less because of it.
3
I admit I’m out of touch here, but seriously ask, do people really find it a turn on to get these images? What if they laughed? Why not build on mystery and promise? How can you know their reaction if they’re somewhere else? If I were the richest person in the world, I’d worry about my fortune influencing someone.
In the most honest telling of this story, Bezos has already released the 'sexy pics' you describe by telling us all about them. Oh, and admitting that they are of him.
In other words, there isn't any need for him to go all the way.
If the photos are ultimately released, we already have a pretty specific idea of what the photos contain. Although we, as a society, would be far better off not being so Victorian about our photographic treasures, the fact is that we are somehow programmed for that.
3
I love this guy's logic and what he has done to bring human sexuality into the light in his own work.
3
Well, if this helps put the tabloids in back of the magazine racks near the back corner of the grocery store, I'm all for.
4
Love, love LOVE YOU Dan!
1
Misstates as fact: "Amazon steals tips from its drivers." 1. LATimes report refers to 3rd parties not employees. 2. Amazon rightfully counts tips as taxable income. No one "steals" a thing, unless Amazon permits drivers to evade tax consequences of these tips.
4
I think it's case closed for the pictures and text messages. I cannot imagine anyone is interested in Bezo's private parts and I would guess his messages are funny at best... terribly poor taste at worst.
Bezo has done enough to stand up against blackmail.
1
If it is satire, yesss, while it makes more sense
than not.
Congratulations, and bye-bye folkways, mores, traditions and so called taboos.
Margaret Mead's claim re sexual matters in Polynesia is still controversial, though now
I'm thinking ... deliberate self satire ... she
may have gone on with the folks joke.
In other words, she realized it was hoaxing, and
decided to play it straight.
Actually I never read her academic discovery, and heard the criticism that the
natives were having her, aka putting her on.
I am just having a hard time understanding why the release of the photos has any bearing on this. This is a one-shot game where Bezos essentially said “go ahead - release them”. The negotiating power was in his refusal to “play ball” so to speak. I’m just confused and a bit disappointed in Mr Savage’s entire piece as it just seems to lack any semblance of rationale.
2
There are two entirely separate issues here:
1) One's legal ownership (or not) of images of oneself. Any discussion of privacy issues should take place in that context. Whether or not they are potentially embarrassing images shouldn't have any bearing on if/when one's pictures belong to you, someone else, or the public.
2) Whether sexting (or such) should be scandalous in the first place. Why should it be, at least between that proverbial "two consenting adults"? What I do in the bedroom is none of your business, what you do is none of mine, but most everyone does SOMETHING in the bedroom, so what's the big deal?
If people here think sexy pictures are yucky, then don't take them, and don't look at them. But it's ridiculous to think that someone should be shamed because they do take them, they do look at them.
Mr. Savage is right. If there is no reason to shame one another over sexting, there is no potential to extort or blackmail.
1
I think if he released his dirty self-pics it would be kind of like when Elizabeth Warren released her DNA report, a tactical blunder. He should simply make a statement: “I have other pics that are out there. If they surface they surface. So what?”
1
It’s ok. When all the insects of the world have died, and the seas have swallowed the land due to climate change, then we can look back and say “ah that Jeff Bezos, he really chose his priorities in a wise way.” Really. So god help us all because our species stands 0 chance of survival. Does anyone get this? Maybe our species’ complacency and ignorance, as Rome burns, are the reason why we only have a few more years left. He had the chance to focus or priorities and all he could focus on was his hairy ego.
1
Hilarious! What a great way to remind us how the rich stay wealthy - wage theft is the real topic here.
I've never taken a naked photo of myself and now that I'm in my sixties I wouldn't impose that upon anyone. 82%, really?
8
For those who keep harping on Dan's 88% and 82% statistics, keep in mind that this likely very much generational.
I'm nearly 60, and wouldn't dream of taking a nude photo, or having one taken, through any medium. (And, I'm pretty sure, given my basic body contours, if one happened to be taken without my knowledge or consent, there wouldn't be much of an audience for it--my wife already knows what I look like).
On the other hand, I have sent the occasional gently flirty text to my wife. Usually it involves a bad pun or two, which we both enjoy, and English is great for double entendre, given the many words with multiple meanings.
But I have a 20-year old son, and according to him, this is constant in his generation. (He claims to have had not sent anything himself.) And apparently the nude picture is the new "party attire".
I don't know what to make of the idea that if we all released these they'd lose their power, but I do know that if it's electronic, it's never private, no matter how circumscribed the network or how many firewalls there are.
2
I must be old. And yet I came of age in the Sixties....but for the life of me, I cannot imagine WHY anyone would want to send...let alone TAKE intimate photos of themselves. Just picturing someone contorting to get that photo is enough to make me laugh rather than get excited.
5
Perusing some of the 185 comments so far, I'm a little surprised at the Victorian prudery as well as the unnecessary and unkind remarks about Mr Bezos' physique. All this strikes me as somewhat unfair to the founder of Amazon, who, by all the news accounts I've seen, is responding to a prudish, salacious and malicious publisher quite properly.
3
I hate to seem out of touch, but could all of this humiliation happen with the flip phone I own?
2
Disagree. I have no urge to see those photos and why should he show them - you don't make a good case for it, IMO.
1
The only private thing I want to see released on the internet is Trump's tax returns.
15
Yeah, I'll second the commenter on the 60's. Everyone should be required to go through a nudist orientation day camp in, say, the summer of their 18th year. Naked bodies are just no big deal. But I'll also second the "spare me" commenter; after 18 the images have diminishing attraction.
1
The entire Bezos Event should accomplish at least one good thing. It should put an end to the linking of great wealth to intelligence, as if DJT didn't accomplish that already.
"If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?" I think we can all see that one has nothing to do with the other.
2
I totally agree that we live in a prudish society where sex, pleasure and bodies are considered shameful when they are a healthy part of human life.
However, if someone wishes to keep something private, they should be able to keep it private! Let's find other ways to break the taboo of sex and private parts.
2
Maybe we should have a holiday called National Nudist Day (in summer) where everyone can be naked in public for a day so we can take away this ridiculous stigma of the human body being 'dirty'. We spend so much time, money and angst ashamed of what we are that it causes psychosis, guilt and recrimination, including suicide. De-stigmatize having a BODY, like the more mature Scandanavian nations do, and we'll realize that seeing a little skin is not going to kill anyone. We need more beaches like Gunnison on Sandy Hook where people can let the sun shine in, and should make basic anatomy required in grade school.
1
I wish the internet was available during the 60s... i would love to see some pictures of myself ...
I could say... looking good!
Isn’t that what it is all about, really...
But hey... some photos of rich and famous might have global and historical interest.
Museum for shared photos?
2
Haha. Great post!
I've been reading Dan Savage since waaaay back before The Onion actually became real news. (Area Man Runs for President!) As always, he is funny, incisive and spot on. Honestly, there are some nude pics that no one needs to see (eg., the above-referenced Area Man). Apart from that, yeah, Amazon needs to up its game re: its put-upon workforce. But we'll save that argument for another day. :)
.....let's see, I have sympathy for NYCHA residents without heat...or children that go to bed hungry or cold. I have compassion for the homeless on the streets, and many of our elderly citizens that live in isolation.
I have absolutely no feelings for what Mr. Bezos is going through.
He cheated on his wife - he sent questionable texts or pictures which would be embarrassing if publicized. What else is new - like Eliot Spitzer or Anthony Weiner - Mr. Bezos brought this on himself.
Big deal - he's a grown up - he needs no one to feel sorry for him.
We don't need to see his ridiculous pictures.
Unfortunately for us, we have to tolerate listening to this tabloid journalism which belongs in the National Enquirer.
The Amazon man will figure it out on his own.
3
Jeff Bezos seems now to value his privacy when companies like his and google and facebook do not value our personal privacy.
Don't want nude pictures being posted on the internet then stop and think about taking them in the first place. I don't take selfies and I don't take shots in the nude.
Famous people are in the public eye so there will always be the risk of their privacy being breached. Bezos himself should know this as his company likes to breach everyone's privacy.
1
I'm obviously a fossil from a different day and age, but the notion of sexting feels completely alien and unintimate to me. Also, I really couldn't care less about the intrigues of different factions of the plutocracy. People like Bezos need to be exposed and denuded alright, but not like this. Stripped of their obscene quasi-monopolistic power and malignant political influence is more like it.
2
Is this tongue in cheek? I hope so. I have no interest in Bezos making nude photos public and I don't believe it will change the national dialogue in the slightest.
Well at 64, after reading this article, I’ve reached the conclusion that the world has passed me by.
4
To all those who claimed in the comments that they do not want to see Bezos' photos - (a) you will hardly be forced, it is still a free country, so why so much anxiety? (b) you completely missed the point of the article, it is not about showing nudes, it is about making them a perpetual no-newsworthy-or-blackmail thing.
And, since it is obligatory for this thread -i am also stating clear and loud that i won't look at those photos.
2
88%. Honestly I am part of the 12%. And I would not be shocked by anyone I knew posting images of themselves. I would consider why such photos were put into the public's view, and by who. If the person did this themselves, I would realize the person has a perspective problem, as to who they are, and the nature of their existence in a society that has historically been improving towards a hypothetical time of enlightenment. If it was posted by someone else, I would not be thinking any less of the object of the photo, but of the person trying to use it to hurt someone else. And any imaging used to influence children...well current laws and punishments are not harsh enough...but scare me when applied to adolescents sharing with other adolescents. THIS CASE IS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS; Trump's unofficial, but well paid for, press agent, is using his publication as a blackmailing tool. There is nothing new here, and this fellow who owns the NE , will eventually be indicted, and do time, along with all the criminals in this organization that serves Donald Trump. Most shocking is Giuliani, who developed the prosecution of OC families , using RICO, who now serves in such an organization, that has temporarily seized the Executive Branch of the his own nation. Is he manifesting his beliefs that he held all along? His invention of the "Perp Walk" does illustrate he understood the power of media, and used it to advance himself, over 3 decades ago. Hmm.
This article is premised on a faulty assumption or at least an intentional misappropriation of the data. The Drexel University study concluded that "fully 88 percent of adults reported swapping sext messages at least once." "Sext messages" is an umbrella term and encompasses varied behavior, much of it not including sexual photographs. The writer intentionally did not elucidate on this nuance (when presenting the study's results) because it did not fit his argument. Also, what constitutes a sext may be quite different for different people; strategically placed emojis may be enough for some. Without a clear-cut definition, we really don't know how many people are sexting. It reminds me of a study done a few years ago that uncovered the fact that when college students said they were "hooking up," another umbrella term, the vast majority simply meant making out. The study showed that the previous metrics on hooking up in college were completely inflated and incorrect. Plus, Dan Savage did not provide enough information about the Drexel University study for the reader to determine if it was a legitimate study or not-- like what was the diversity of the people interviewed?; how many people in each age range category were interviewed?; Geographically, what was the distribution of participants? Etc, etc... I am uncertain if Jeff Bezos should or should not release the nude selfies, but I do not find Dan Savage's argument compelling.
2
I have been hoping someone would release the picture I sent to my husband while he was in Vietnam in 1969. A polaroid of me at 22 on my childhood bed ( because he was gone ). A buxom blonde in her prime trying to entertain a man nearly forgotten by Nixon, the room was Mirimekko bold flowers so I painted my breast as daisies ( I was sooooo wholesome back then ). Since he lived and I still have the photo long after the marriage ended, I doubt it will ever surface....but I could hope.
4
Mr. Savage, your enthusiasm for your subject is evident from your writing, but you should not let it carry you away from a good data based analysis. I don’t believe the following statement is correct. "Nearly everyone has a few nude photographs out there somewhere (saved on a stranger’s phone; archived on a dating app you forgot you signed up for; lingering on some tech company’s servers)." Sexting does not equate to sending nude pictures of oneself to a friend. I would like to know what the survey said about the per cent of people who sent nude pictures to a friend. Furthermore, I do not believe 88% of US adults have cell phones or computers. With that said, I can accept that sexting correlated strongly “with greater sexual satisfaction, especially for those in a relationship.” Here again more science based data would be helpful.
1
There seems to be big difference between "buzz off blackmailer, I'll just deal with whatever you do and go about my day" and advertising everything you prefer to keep private so no one can try to blackmail you. Why go out of one's way to do the latter when one is prepared to do the former?
1
I suggest that Mr. Bezos publish the material both on Kindle and on Amazon Instant Video. That could generate some profit of amazonian proportions. Maybe it could be made free for Prime members. Just imagine the headline: the prime member is freely available for Prime members.
4
If someone sent me a "sexy selfie" it would the end of the relationship. Okay, I'm old, but even in my younger days I would
not do this or want to get them.
6
I am fearful that a nationwide release-a-nude-pic day may overwhelm and cause my router to explode not to mention the server farms around the country. The disruptions to the cloud could cause it to vaporize and disperse. Before you know it, this could cavalcade into worldwide-release-a-nude-pic day. There are certain things I would prefer not to know ahead of the coming summit in Vietnam.
1
Please, no.
5
What makes anyone think intimate pictures of privates, particularly past the blush of first youth, are attractive. And why share them when everybody knows they're vulnerable?
Can't we put the privacy and intimacy back in sex and the respect back in privacy?
10
I am so tired of living in a world dominated by the prudishness of heterosexual women (and many heterosexual men). Thank you to the New York Times for bravely publishing this piece. Now I will happily go back to Grindr.
@Craig
And I am so tired of men who think they are attractive when they're not.
I taught life drawing for many years and have supported gays of all flavors my whole life. Sexploitation is not beautiful. We cannot ignore the whole body, but we don't have to isolate and publicize and cheapen sexuality.
People should learn each other without the enhancements and coercions of porn. As usual, women are the ones most frequently silenced and devalued.
Really?
10
Assuming that this is tongue-in-cheek, but maybe not - who knows? As for me, this kind of topic draws me right to the image of Anthony Weiner's crotch - an image I don't need in my life, but can't erase either. Please keep your "sexy" or "dirty" images to yourself (and your significant other). The rest of us don't need or want them.
18
Having come of age in the "free love" 60s I don't consider myself a prude, but if the statistics cited in this article are remotely accurate, which I find hard to believe, then this country is even sicker than I thought. More every day, and in every way, I realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have been born when I was.
Jeff, use your brains. The sister of a Stone associate? And sex selfies?? C'mon man.
15
Not having read Savage as an 'advice' columnist, a rather suspect and low form of education and enlightenment, I am not sure if indeed this is serious or satire. But as I work in adolescent and adult mental health, and hear about how impulsive, indiscrimnate sexting has resulted with teens, in ruthless, peer taunting, and then self-loathing and self-harm, and then suicide attempts, and with adults, work place embarrassment and the dissolution of marriages, I would say, whatever might be the value as argued by Savage, let's NOT normalize this behavior. One of the virtues Dan, lacking in the age of the Internet is dignity.
31
@rpmars
Perhaps. On the other hand, norms and mores can undergo rapid and unexpected changes. The negative feedback you evoke in your testimony parallels what openly gay people probably experienced in the 1970s when someone such as Jimmy Carter's sister was involved in evangelical 'cures' for homosexuality. The mass of American society probably backed her position, feeling pity for the 'inadequate' gay person who would never adhere to a subjective definition of 'normal'. In the end, I think there is a call for common sense and tolerance in Mr Savage's opinion piece. We may not care for Jeff Bezos as a businessman, yet his right to lead a lusty life in a consensual way is reasonable and adult, not to be condemned as perversion.
2
C'mon folks, the point here isn't that anyone wants to see Mr. Bezos' private photos. It's that the mere fact that such photos can be weaponized against public figures is evidence of our culture's unhealthy relationship with sexuality.
Clearly sex is something that most adult humans engage in and enjoy. It's obvious that sexuality is an innate, natural part of being human. But at the same time, the fact that a person like Bezos has (gasp!) a healthy, enjoyable sex life with a like minded partner is a scandal.
Consider an alternate scenario, where we accept that sex is a natural, fun part of the human experience. That it's a healthy thing for responsible, consenting adults to enjoy without intrusion by others. That when someone steals private photos and divulges them to the public, the shame rests solidly on the shoulders of the thief rather than the victim.
19
I’ve always loved you Dan but as a gay man maybe you don’t understand that almost no women want pics of their guys private parts. There was a whole article about it recently which emphasized that although men thought their beloved would want to see this, women actually as much as they may love a guy do not!
One of the reasons, the article pointed out, that men think these pictures are desirable is that they are pretty attached to their own “ stuff”. Maybe this is why you and your husband enjoy these pics andhey more power to you guys for keeping the romance alive since i know you’ve been married for a long time, but please urge the readers of your excellent advice columns to think about whether their female partners really want these gestures.
36
@AJ
So sorry, but I just don't understand how a single individual actually believes they can speak for all broadly similar individuals, e.g., how can one woman expect to be taken seriously by positing that she knows what all other - or even most, or even 50% (!) of other - women want?
Its preposterous. I personally know of many - yes, many! - women who love getting flirty pictures of a guy's penis.
So @AJ, are you saying that they therefor can't be real women, or are somehow deficient women, or not fully realized as women?
1
Just putting this out there: I'm in the rare 12% of people that has never (and will never) sent a nude selfie. I'm going to double down, and be in a further rare (?) category: I don't want to see anyone else's nude selfies. Not even those of Jeff Bezos.
45
Thanks for Savaging a serious situation that could be very beneficial to Americans of all persuasions, if it weren't played for cheap laughs.
2
Wouldn't it be something if our species had 164 different ways our private parts could be? We'd all go mad wondering how the man or woman walking down the street toward us, what DO they have "down there." Relax. There's only two ways....basically, but i must admit, males leave more room for speculation.
I haven't read all of the other comments - there are way too many. But my two cents: have we nothing better to worry about? I think of my mother and the other men and women, wwII vets, farmers, fisherman, bakers, coal miners, factory workers, members of the greatest generation rarely educated beyond high school who raised us boomers. What would they think of this? My guess is they would say, "These folks have too much time on there hands". Yes, its a new age and there are principles involved here, but really! We have bigger fish to fry.
19
Agreed of course; though it's not the D. Savage meal ticket, had a note last week from a niece prepping to sell her house to pay for daughter's cancer treatments, the family now being dunned by hospital and med attorneys. Savage is not even a mildly-amusing digression from reality. But even he knows that; just sticks with the shtick that pays the rent…
Is this a serious piece or a satire? Whatever one publishes on line, is there for the world to see..sometimes I think that even my thoughts are not private at all, but Big Brother is watching. Privacy is a rare commodity. We must respect other's privacy if we want ours to be respected. Not interested in seeing pictures of anyone, male or female...let my mind wonder and imagine.
8
So your argument is that since the majority of people sext - which I find hard to believe- sexting should be normalized?
19
Keep the pictures. I'm not interested. If the goal of publishing the pictures is to remove the shock or shame, there are better ways.
For these sex and sexuality conversations to move forward with wholeness, decency and maturity, we've got to define the questions. The Bezos story is only out because of a slimy so-called magazine-because it's none of our business. The more significant questions centers around men and women caught in patriarchal myths of sex and sexuality with power and privilege and entitlements as backdrops. Why patriarchy is often men, we must also look at women and their roles in these discussions. Then, perhaps we can begin to have whole and healthy sexual discussions and not the perversions of individual minds like AMI.
3
For more than 55 years, I've remembered everything about the beautiful college girl who was my first "experience." I hope she remembers me fondly as well.
At 73, of course I don't understand sending these photos. It was tough back then--finding the opportunities to be together, but we made it work. And there's no public record--only what's left in our memories and in our hearts.
34
@JOCKO ROGERS:
Pefectly said. The reviewers blew it not making your comment an NYT Pick!
2
I don’t think I want to see Mr. Bezos’ thingy! And I definitely don’t believe 80% of Americans have that type of pictures in their possession.
35
With all due respect to Mr. Dan Savage, who claims, to my admiration, to be gay, he may be personally interested to see nude photos of Mr. Bezos. But I, as a straight individual, have no interest in seeing any such photos of Mr. Besoz. May I also go one step ahead and add that I have no desire to see nude photos of women either because I am a married man and I consider my marriage to be a fortress for my well-being.
29
Eliminating secrets so that you can't be blackmailed has a bit of a dystopian ring to it. It reminds me of the people who say they don't care if the government spies on them, because they don't have anything to hide. Information like this has power beyond public perception. We are living in an age where a photograph could be analyzed to predict what medical conditions you have. Privacy is worth protecting.
17
An upstanding member of society could comply, or deflate at the request. Just saying.
6
Dan Savage is my hero. Dan, when you run for President, I will work 24/7 for your campaign.
13
@Craig God forbid.
Thank God for the Sixties. There was a decade in my life (1976-1985) when everybody I knew, including their children, I'd seen naked. This was thanks to saunas, sweat lodges, hot springs, skinny-dipping and sunbathing. I attended a party thrown by the Missoula Small Business Association at Darby Hot Springs Lodge where all forty adults were totally naked all evening, even on the dance floor. On Rawhide Night at the Frenchtown Club, I danced to "Pretty Woman" and stripped naked on stage in front of fifty hooting, howling cowgirls. In my opinion, most Americans can't handle the sight of genitals and the wildness of sensual and sexual activity.
294
@poodlefree really - I agree. It seems that everything is so shocking to all, they can't handle anything. And this from supposed educated NY Times readers. The comments are very revealing. What a bunch of prudes!
78
@poodlefree I loved the '60s and I am sorry that the forces of oppression and prudery brought them largely to naught.
Indeed, lately we have seen a headlong tumble into the tyranny of prudery, and I would like to reverse that trend.
I prefer liberty.
30
@poodlefree
The sixties and seventies were the 'golden era' after birth control became widely available, while antibiotics were still highly effective against STD's, and before HIV/AIDs.
Then is not now.
27
There is no need for him to release something that is/was meant to be private. For goodness sake, enough! Really, to what end?
Squeezing out every salacious detail and suggesting that he release personal photographs is mere attention getting for the writer.
Makes me glad I am not uber rich. Everyone wants a piece. Pun intended.
223
@Cheryl I do believe the suggestion that he release his naked pics was made in jest. I found the essay hilarious!
32
@Cheryl,
The term 'Uber Rich' is wondrous. While it would cause a migraine to be in possession of a diamond as big as The Ritz, funds galore would be headed in the direction of children in need on a national and global basis.
Wishing you a happy Valentine's Day.
@MLChadwick
Not at all! While Savage is certainly very funny, I think he is completely serious about the suggestion to destigmatize nudies! Why people take these photos is beyond me, but by all means, let’s stop the odd notion we have that naked is nasty.
7
There seems to be a lot of handwringing over Mr Savage’s proposal, but I think he makes an excellent point: it’s not genitalia we need to worry about being exposed. Every one of us has seen at least one gender or the other’s body parts! Where’s the big deal?!! (There’s real truth in the slang phrase for intercourse of “bumping uglies.”)
True privacy involves issues like one’s intimate conversations and feelings, political opinions, personal histories, charitable giving, religious beliefs, and so forth. The non-consensual exposure of these is far more destructive than any body shot; the choice to share belongs to each individual (unless there’s a crime or other public interest involved).
And I guarantee that “88%” stat is referring to sexting in general, not necessarily including photos. Sexting can be defined to include even half-serious flirting.
133
@Hungrybrain. One person’s “charity” is too often someone else’s humanity under attack. Why must your “charity” be secret?
I fear, Dan, my sweet, that once seen, I won’t be able to unsee them.
To my dying day I shall never understand why people think that anything released on the internet will remain private. There is a special irony that a well known snoop would’ve thought that he would be an exception.
186
@Martha Uniack
He didn't release them on the internet. They were texts on his phone. Those are supposed to be encrypted and private.
8
@Martha Uniack Exactly, one look at a naked Jeff Bezos and I think I'd want to take out my eyeballs and wash them.
3
@Martha Uniack Once you've seen one, you've seen them all. Get real.
3
I remain perplexed why people take these photos for any reason, particularly in the age of internet. Don't they have good memories?
415
@Geraldine Conrad
And I would lay serious money down, you only watch PBS on the TV.
Photos are frozen memories that can bring back a rush of emotion, good and bad. Once I had made a photo of a gentleman at a charity dinner. But he was in a wheelchair for a serious illness, so I had slid up the table, like he was sitting down to dinner. His wife stood just behind him. Several years later I met the wife at another charity dinner and she said that picture was one of her favorites just after her husband died. He was dressed in formal wear and looked strong and elegant that night. She said it was a great comfort to her after he died. A good memory.
That's why people make photos.
41
@Darsan54 I'm referring to this particular body part. None of the women I know want to receive them.
163
@Geraldine Conrad
Or would admit to it if they did.
4
A billionaire with nothing to hide.
3
Dan Savage enjoys his place in the media, he loves the adoration. His shock talk, presented as normal, is far from it. He does not seek to improve individuals, or society, rather he seeks to approve his own identity with columns that twist the norms of good behavior. He believes humiliating, demeaning, and disrespectful behavior can be fun in consensual relationships.
Read into his thoughts about rape. When done the right way he writes, rape fantasies are a fun pastime. I’m confident most parents don’t teach their daughters fantasizing about getting raped is normal; and I’m hopeful most parent don’t teach their sons pretending to rape a girl can ever be normal. Were his advice about race relations he would offer up lynching as normal and blackface OK. He presents disturbed behavior as normal.
Dan's motivation is simple, he seeks approval for himself. He is nothing more than a peddler of smut and deals in the sexual exploitation of others for the benefit of himself. He is a narcissist, in many ways the same as the President, both of them seeking attention with outlandish words. He espouses a world, would his advice be taken, we would be the worst for it, not the better.
62
@NorthXMW I read Dan Savage's column so I disagree with your post. Dan always encourages total respect toward others in problematic relationships. He only has harsh words for folks who cause damage to others and hypocritical and bigoted politicians. I believe he does a great service to society. Also ITMFA!
4
@NorthXNW
A Christian, right? Ok, yes. Let's keep on with the sexual repression like we have now for millennia. We all know how well that works. Just ask the Catholic church.
4
@NorthXNW
Have you read Dan Savage?
Maybe we're reading two different authors.
I could not disagree more.
2
Whatever happened to face-to-face sharing. I'm getting too old for this. . makes me long for those days years ago in my childhood, when exhibitionists in raincoats typically flashed passers-by. And, there were not that many of them. And no, I'm not even sure I am saying this tongue-in-cheek. Go to nude beaches and we can choose to look away at anyone's junk.
7
Does anyone care how Bezos’s children feel about this, or will feel when they fully understand what their father’s narcissistic behavior has cost his family?
35
@subway rider
We all worry about our kids and being role model for them.
Mr. Bezos had to make a hard decision between extortion and hiding his extramarital relationship and sex luge.
There is a lesson learned in risk management and ethics. Which is worse human behavior? Which should not be tolerated at all.
Since we do not know much about Mr. Bezos relationship with his wife and kids, we cannot assume anything. He may have an agreement to open marriage. We do not know.
But what we do know that he is willing to take responsibility for his actions and stop extortion.
This should serve a role model for lesson in ethics.
We women and #metoo movement should learn that paying or getting paid to keep silence emerges in abusive behavior.
Good 4U Mr. Bezos.
His kids will know he made the rights choice!
1
I believe no one really cares. Do you? Why on earth.
I like and respect the writing and wisdom of Dan Savage and read his column regularly. I also recommend them to therapy clients because they are sex positive, informative and good examples of honest, straightforward communication between people.
This is not his best work. In part, because he is extrapolating from a small sample to the general population,which includes older people. Also, I thing Bezos has done enough good by opening this corrupt bunch to the public and, I hope, the authorities. Sunshine is the best disinfectent.
P S I saw one of AMI's sleazy lawyers on a talk show promoting their lame defense; "it was not blackmail/extortion because AMI had already published the earlier story." Sad.
8
@Jim Segal
"I thing Bezos"-- Freudian slip?
An upstanding citizen would comply.
2
@Phyliss Dalmatian,
ha ha. You are a hoot, and wishing you and yours a day of roses and bourbon on St. Valentine's this coming Thursday!
Bezos need not release his nude selfies. He just has to tell the world that he does not care if the National Enquirer releases them. That would put the onus on the Enquirer to release or not release the pix and make them look bad if they do release.
35
Agree! Been rereading Fouccault’s history of sexuality and realizing how much the silence and shame of sex is embedded in power dynamics in the US. Mr. Bezos and the Catholic Church and metoo.
One request- you used the term mistress in relation to billionaires extramarital affairs. Fine I get it- men are the billionaires, not women, so a gendered term perhaps makes sense. But I do want to know- what are we to call all the male mistresses? When will we realize women want out of the constraints of monogamy too and we need a language for their desires and dalliances?
12
@Anne Chapman
Manter?
Mantress?
Maestro? (are there any American Male Lovers who would qualify?)
@Anne Chapman it's "desires and dalliances" as long as it does not involve your spouse or if you are a teenager (as are all of Bezos' children) and it involves your parent. Is this something you would have dreamed of your parent doing when you were a child?
I am not a prude but when I became a parent, I was determined to never do anything that would embarrass my children or make them lose respect for me.
Adults who are married to a committed spouse and have minor children at home give up their "monogamy optional" card. If Bezos decided he did not want to remain monogamous, he should have divorced his wife straight away and avoided generating any digital media embarrassing to his children (and his parents).
Are you assuming a gender tag to the word mistresses? I have never read it that way.
I had a comment published today that was made 'in reference to' Ms. Dowd's column about Bezos, etc. ... wherein (amidst some off-topic but irresistible 'trolling' of trump) I offered that I would never be so crude as to take and send a 'package pic' to anyone -- or so foolish even if I were so crude.
Reading Mr. Savage's column and its reports on the 'usualness' of package pics, I wonder if I'm just not as proud of my package as even the 'average' guy 'like' me!
P.S. My earlier comment also presented that, in any case, I don't know how to take and send a picture with my flip phone -- and that I wouldn't take and send a package pic even if I had a smart phone and all of the "app awareness" of someone with about 50 years fewer than my 70. However, upon reading Mr. Savage's, I am reminded ... and I confess ... that I exchanged 'porno-type' nude Polaroids with a long term girlfriend I would later marry, divorce and 'refriend' -- and I wish I had hers still (somewhere where my non-wife wife of 37 years couldn't find it).
5
@Thomas Murray I just commented how much I would love to see the polaroid I sent my husband in Vietnam in 1969 with daisies painted on my young breasts....
1
Q. What is fifty shades of grey?
A. Amazon's cloud.
6
The only thing that is abundantly clear from reading this thread of comments about this article is that most people do not have good reading comprehension skills.
I say that reading comprehension is an issue over and over again in this comments section but it is somehow seen as a divisive comment and usually doesn’t get published.
Mr. Savage’s point is about eliminating hypocrisy and double standards, it’s one thing to disagree with him, it is just an opinion piece, but to not actually understand what is being said is evident in these comments.
Curious and bothersome indeed.
17
@Rob E Gee,
Curiouser and curiouser, but if you want to sell a product mention the words 'Secret' or 'Sex' in the title, and the cat will blow the lid off the cover, hoping to find some naughty mice to play with.
The welfare of our children is what matters in this story to this reader, and if we can remain contained and in context, Mr. Savage may be entitled to receive an award from the U.N. Secretary General for opening the gates to the Plight of the Child world-wide.
"By all rights you should’ve spent last week being dragged for the news that Amazon is stealing tips from delivery drivers..."
So you sold your stock then, right?
22
AMI certainly got the better of Bezos. Even if he sues them will a jury ever rule in favor of the world's richest man? Too easy to vilify him.
1
@Reader In Wash, DC - Too easy to vilify him.
Sales of the National Enquirer does not equate to love for the rag or Mr. Pecker. Most people, it would seem are more sympathetic to its victims than to its publisher. All a lawyer would have to do is have the jurors imagine being the victims of his tactics.
The strategy here is to report a crime of extortion. You're confusing sexual freedom with blackmail. AMI is holding evidence in the form of electronic data, a private citizen's electronic data. The suggestion that somebody should make "Thier" evidence public before the perpetrator is a risky idea. If I have to explain why, then perhaps you should study counterfeiting, art fakes, etc. Forensics will need AMI's evidence.
7
This is some of the best out of the box thinking I’ve read in a long time. Maybe there will not be a day of the year where everyone releases the naked truth, but by example the richest man in the world and publisher of the Washington Post can show something that stands for something. Punish blackmail and free the universal truth.
2
There seem to be a number of readers who are shocked by Mr. Savage’s plea that the sexts in question be published. I don’t have to look at them if I don’t want to but to learn that Bezos is forcing workers to give up their tips is really scuzzy. I can’t forget that.
18
I like the assumption that all billionaires are men with "mistresses." I guess some things never change.
4
The focus here should be on AMI, not Bezos. He happens to be the victim in this case. Advocating, on the front page of the NYT website of all places, that he lower himself to the AMI's level is wrongheaded. We should be talking about:
- what was AMI's motivation in publishing the texts, and then threatening to publish the pics?
- did the Saudis team up with AMI (and Trump) to embarrass and silence Bezos after the Khashoggi crisis?
- were the Saudi's behind the acquisition?
- is AMI legally liable for the release of the texts?
- do the threats to publish constitute blackmail?
- are the pics (and texts) personal property? copyrighted?
- does the action violate the cooperation agreement with Mueller?
29
@TPG
Doesn't the cooperation agreement involve (at least primarily) the Southern District of New York, not Mueller?
The HUGE elephant at in the living room is ... ours privacy laws have not kept up with technology ... write your congressional representatives ... until we get up to date laws it’s the Wild West out there ...
9
Bezos’s billions have come in large part from Amazon contracts with the Pentagon, the CIA, the NSA and other components of the surveillance state. For him to complain about his privacy being breached is the ultimate in hypocrisy.
10
Hardly anyone will admit it but most people take photos of themselves before a mirror, tens of thousands of men have made naughty videos and uploaded them to various sites. There is a human want to believe you have something special. Ask any 14 year old. Bezos' has a thousand watt ego and feeling that he is special, he is the richest man on Earth. Showing his manhood will be a disappointment and probably cause most adults to shrug. The National Enquirer has a political agenda and it shows. Right now politics and the Internet are the Wild West, that will change soon enough. And we will miss the noise and tackiness!
3
@David Fairbanks
"politics and the Internet are the Wild West" -- Rather: The Internet is a swamp made of quicksand, and our society is in danger of drowning in it. Wake up, America.
Release the same day Trump's tax returns.
9
Thanks for mentioning the real issues surrouding Bezos. I applaud him for standing up to bullies,but I'd applaud much more loudly if his employees were to do the same - especially by forming unions.
26
To me the issue is the right to privacy. Laws requiring incarceration (not fines) seem a better solution than everybody just letting it all hang out. Such law would include journalists. Some lines are going to have to be drawn somewhere to balance freedom of the press, public's right to know and a person's right to some privacy and to not have their freedom of expression as may be expressed on private electronics eviscerated through theft by one party handing it off to publications who claim press immunity while raking in the bucks.
8
Your “annual release-a-nude-pic day” could really catch on, Mr. Savage. To provide this mass, national exposure experience with some necessary seriousness and solemnity, it could be held on the same day that the constitutionally mandated State of the Union Address is given by the President. Then Americans could determine, on yet another level, whether the state of our great union is indeed strong, productive, and vibrant.
20
@John Grillo,
Your "experiment" could work, but only with a different president. The current holder of the office would likely skip the speech to participate.
Good point and well-written! Thank you, Mr. Savage!
I feel like millennials and the generations after us are turning the tide against the weird Puritanism that’s dictated this country’s morals for so long. I was at dinner with a couple of my friends a while back- one is devoutly religious and the other is very reserved, as am I, and at some point the conversation turned to sexting. We’d all done it. And if we’ve done it, probably everyone else has done it...so what’s the big deal if it’s between consenting parties?
10
@Kate B agree. But these comments don't attest to this. So many claiming no way they do it, and even going so far as to say their offspring don't do it. How would they KNOW?
5
@Kate B. It's a big deal if you are a teenager (as are all of Bezos' 4 children) and the pictures relate to your dad cheating on your mom.
When you are married to a committed spouse & have 4 teens at home, you give up "rights".
@Kate B., regarding the weird Puritanism: growing up at the tail end of the Boomers in the 70s & 80s, it was sex, drugs, and rock and roll, almost constantly, at least where I lived in PA. Big fun!! My, how things have changed! Where did all these anti sex / abstinence only Puritans, Calvinists and Evangelicals come from? Perhaps that's just their public personas? Like you say - what's the big deal?
1
And so the NY Times opens up a comic section, sure let's show what shallowness, puerile, prurient thoughts we can share. That horizon is more or less endless. But after the thrill, how long do you think you can make THAT stand up.
And of course 'show me yours and I'll show you mine' is never a good idea to accept from the person offering such a trade.
30
What I find interesting is the negative comments. I wonder how many of those negative commentators would sneak a look [ just to laugh ] if the pictures were released ?
14
Remember, a dirty pic from Anthony Weiner may well have cost a presidential election.
54
Very funny.
5
Please, if you haven’t watched it google Saturday Night Live Meet the press and watch their spoof of Meer the press pundits and the Bezos pics. Hilarious!
5
@Nancy
The best part was the alternate headlines, even better
than the actual one . . . all of them deserve bylines !
3
@Irene
They were great. Some people are just so clever!
Jeff, Dans right.
Release the pics, rep your self. Be body positive. Take away all theleverage then remind people what the richest man in the world can do when you get on his downside. Amazon is #1 because it has always been willing to be a loss leader. You should be too. Start by buying every house in his neighborhood and turn them into homeless shelters. Then poach everyone at his company. Then leak his amazon purchase history. Then offer his wife to buy out his marriage, pay his kids not to talk to him (everyone has a price, right?). The ways in which you can mess with him is endless. Get creative and enjoy it.
10
Just as long as I don't view them in the NYT or anywhere else for that matter.
15
Savage is brilliant. Although, I hate to say it, not as clever as the New York Post headline.
So much pearl clutching going on in these comments. Clearly no one reading the Times has ever been naked.
136
@Michael c
...or bothers to find out who Dan Savage is, or what he writes about!
2
@Michael c, clearly Savage isn't the only brilliant one commenting here. Your notion that "clearly no one reading the Times has ever been naked" is spot on funny. Thanks for the pick-me-up!
2
Saying that those who send a sexual image to another person are stupid blames the victim. It's the blackmailer or recipient who shares the image without authorization that is to blame. Sharing sexual images or texts is normal sexual behavior because it is literally the norm by virtue of enough people doing it. Savage is saying "let's just get over it." He's right. As part of sex education we should teach how to send a sexual image safely, as in don't include your face or anything that identifies you.
8
@Kathryn any digital image someone creates and transmit can be traced back to them, has nothing to do with your face being in it.
Great column and I agree that an 'out your nude self' day is outside the (camera) box thinking.
What I've been wondering about is this: the connection between his lover Sanchez and her brother. Was this a sting operation? Was there a plan by Sanchez and her brother to honey trap him?
I'm way more interested in the Saudi connection than I am in seeing Mr. Bezos' nudies. And the Roger Stone connection with Mr. Sanchez. And the Carter Page connection with Mr. Sanchez.
Will Mr. Mueller interview Mr. and Ms. Sanchez? I sincerely hope so. Because this is just tooooo closely connected.
Also, I do not understand why this is not clearly extortion. The tv lawyers are saying it's not and maybe not and I don't understand that at all. AMI, in my view, threatened Bezos as surely as if they had said, "Nice pair of legs ya got there....hate to see them get broken". Sounds like AMI has also threatened other journalists such as Ronan Farrow and AP reporters. Not extortion and blackmail? That really needs to be explained more fully.
But I thank Mr. Bezos and I promise that if you release your nude selfie, I won't look. Not one peek, I promise!
46
@sophia
"Was there a plan by Sanchez and her brother to honey trap him?"
or:
Was it all a plan by Bezos and friends to trap Peckers and show him for what he is: a blackmailer? If it was, it sure worked.
3
@Fran
Fran, I also wondered whether the mistress and her brother, both (I read somewhere) with professional ties to AMI, are somehow involved in this.
No, not everyone has a porn stash on their phone, just as not everyone has a Facebook or Twitter account, or sends embarrassing or even criminal messages via email, which is the digital equivalent of a postcard.
Lots of us have actual lives, and don't depend on obsessive technology distraction to get through the day.
223
@ossefogva
Roger that. And what ever happened to the time-honored (and proven) idea that sexual modesty can be (wait for it)
sexy ?
30
@Irene
Yes, Irene, some modesty is sexy, and so is some immodesty: see how that works?
3
@ossefogva
Thank you!
Yesss!
21st century America’s uptightness about sex truly reflects our Puritan roots. If Americans could shed all their inhibitions and body shame issues, we might all find ourselves happier, healthier and in a more productive country.
Hooray for Bezos day!
23
Is this actually a bona fide exhortation to publish nude photographs en masse?! Shame on you, Mr. Savage.
Our young people deserve more considered advice rooted in modesty and morality.
12
I think for men sending pics of their junk is kinda like male birds showing off their colorful feathers.
21
@New World Except feathers are beautiful.
2
I am 100% certain there are no nude selfies of me anywhere in the world. While I am an atheist and have the puritanical morals of a porn star, I’ve been in a loving and monogamous relationship since before selfies were ever a thing, and my wife already know what I look like naked. She can see it whenever she wants. I’m not complaining.
55
Actually Jeff Bezos, please don't release your dirty pics. I think there are better ones on the internet, and besides, you have enough money to shield yourself from the naked truth. thanks!
4
Love it. Go, Dan Savage!
9
Why 'dirty'? It always amazes me that any part of a body (human or otherwise) is considered 'dirty', nay! capable of inciting mass hysteria (cf: women's bare breasts, New Hampshire). Especially a part that has the capability of perpetrating our species, among other equally important functions and features for the well-being of our species.
If people didn't have such bizarre notions the blackmailer's market would all but collapse.
22
Oh, how different the discourse of the media would be if dirty selfies of Trump were brought up to light!!! Would he be considered a hero on par with Bezos?
1
Dan Savage I love you! I always have and always will!!!
7
Spot on opinion piece, except for one pretty serious fault. Your rationale for not releasing your own selfies is lame at best. If I was asking someone to go to great lengths to further a cause, I would be the first one to set the example. I expect more from Dan Savage.
11
The only nude selfies I’ve ever taken were to record how thin I was when I thought I was fat.
3
Thank you Dan for saying out loud what most of the adults out here are thinking. We need to grow up in this culture and be less hypocritical about almost everything we do, think, believe, and practice in the privacy of our own digs with whomever is a willing partner. What a relief it would be if we never again had to feign shock at behavior that is really more stupid than illicit. Take the power away from the slime bags who use that stuff to intimidate, embarrass, or blackmail people.
6
Ah, nice to see a local boy in the NYT.
Dan, I'd challenge that 88% figure, looks like some were bragging. I've never done this, my wife's never done this, and we're far from prudes. We're just smarter than that.
This came up at a family function last summer with all her sibs and mine (10 in all, plus spouses). Only one admitted doing it once. The rest all said it's a stupid and unsafe thing to do.
38
@J Darby I doubt people are going to admit to engaging in this behavior at a family function. I know I would not.
8
@J Darby, What people say to their family members and what they do can vary greatly. Or even what they say to others.
Take the Garbage Project, for example. They polled people on their drinking habits and then examined the the local landfill. For a community of people who had the occasional glass of wine or beer, there were a lot of liquor bottles.
I’m not discussing the particulars of my sex life with my family or even my friends. My reticence should not be taken as a sign that I don’t have a sex life.
Your relative who admitted to nude pics probably regretted admitting it, as they were the only one. The only one to admit it. You can be assured that one of your family members decided a discreet lie was a better choice. Don’t pry.
4
@Mary
I was expecting this response, it's what I might say. But folks don't know our family and how frank our discussions are. Especially after a few drinks.
6
Here's a possibly radical idea: Keep it for date night.
6
I suppose this is one way to expose hypocrisy...and make privacy a scorn. Who said that today's technological prowess, in exposing each other, has not gone berzerk?
3
Looking at Bezos' bald pate is enough for me. Hold the lettuce.
23
I appreciate some of the snarky wit here if not the main point, but "JB, please don't!..." (Especially for our/your kids!)
Nude sharing among most people is meant to be private. That is or should be the main point even if the privacy is not guaranteed. Does no one care about the “poor” girlfriend and more importantly, the poor kids of Bezos and the kids of all others who would submit themselves to such immense ridicule? His wife has already suffered bristling humiliation, but let’s not forget our empathy here either.
Re: “we are all in danger of being blackmailed” if JB doesn’t release them, I think not, Dan. But thanks for the chuckles.
5
"We’ve all taken and sent photos like the ones you sent your girlfriend. "
"We’re all carrying little pornography studios around with us in our pockets."
"So we do it online. We swipe left or right and start swapping texts with a stranger. The conversation quickly progresses from flirty to dirty and, before we know it, we’re exchanging nudes with that stranger."
"We've all "?! ""We're all ?! ""We"?!!
Speak for yourself and others like you whose judgement is so poor such that you choose to circulate nude photos of yourselves.
There are millions of us who would never take a nude selfie, let alone "sext "it to anyone else.
The only way a nude photo of me is going to be taken is if I am unconscious, or at gunpoint, which would not constitute a "Selfie".
That Drexel University study was based on 870 people who were willing to participate in the study. Where is the evidence that those 870 people are representative of the general population in the U.S ?!
153
@DJS
I do have a few 'nudies' on my phone. They happen to be amazing ice sculpture replicas of iconic Greek statues. That is it. And summer took care of the ice art.
Agreed about this wrong use of the 'royal we'.
And why would any conversation about commingling be 'dirty' ? The author is the one in the dark ages. Spare us the stranger danger. Be honorable, it's always a good choice and makes it easier to live with oneself.
18
Good advice.
First, the people who think it's really exciting and edgy and adventurous to send nude pictures of themselves would be forced to admit that there is nothing sexy about a naked pencil-necked geek. In fact, it's creepy and cheesy, and those who find a thrill looking at such things are not cool but, instead, pathetic and lame.
Second, the people, and particularly teenagers, who think that what they post on social media or text to each other is neither safe nor secure. If a guy who essentially owns the tech world and has an army of security people to make sure of it can get his grotty pictures hijacked by the sleazoids at The National Enquirer, you can be sure that your mom, dad, principal and police chief can get yours.
21
Heck, why not go even further? When people are indoors or outdoors on nice warm days, why wear clothes at all? Mr. Bezos would have no worries with blackmail. And our current president, who gets so upset when people talk about his small hands, would settle that matter once and for all.
4
I don’t believe that our status (as one of the more puritanical countries, purportedly) has done us ANY good. We are great at suppression of sexual behaviors, gay-conversion “therapies”, and other energy wasting activities.....but what we seem to actually be doing is giving AMI (and others) leverage against all people, not just famous ones.
3
Does Mr. Savage suggest that any below-the-belt photo cannot be convincing without a celebrity face?
Um, not everyone has nude photos of themselves and, if they do, not everyone sends them out to others. Please, please do not encourage people to share. I really do not want to have more things to avoid in the media.
20
So it doesn’t matter to the shareholders that the pics are from an affair when he gave a vow to his wife and family? I don’t know doesn’t integrity count for anything anymore? I know these things happen but what dignity was given to his family by his decisions ?
11
Is this a joke? Whatever happened to decency? Or modesty? Or common sense?
20
Except for common sense, all the others are highly overrated.
3
Dear Dan Savage,
Your article is a bit confusing. As I understood Mr. Bezos and others like him, they feel their privacy was violated when someone obtained access to their "private photos". Adding in a blackmail attempt by the Enquirer amps up the notion; that, nude selfies should not be made public without permission.
What is confusing to me is that you seem to be advocating that everyone relinquish their privacy by releasing nude selfies to the world. I can see that this might blunt the market for blackmail photos, but honestly, I don't want anyone sharing photos of me in the nude to whoever wants to look. It is a bit creepy.
I have no nude selfies to share so I feel comforted in that, but if as uou report, many people do exchange such photos, how many of those people do you really believe are completely sanguine to share them with the world.
I haven't taken a poll, but my guess is the majority would not. Perhaps your research shows otherwise. I would be interested to know.
9
No offense, Mr. Bezos, but please don't. And where did this author get 88%? I don't believe it. (Although I just remembered a former photographer boyfriend who took a picture of me years ago that, well ... often wondered what happened to it.)
11
@CateS --- he says where he got the 88% figure from. It might be wrong, but he's not making it up.
@Bruce. Yes, I saw that, thanks. I was simply more interested in the data he cites as evidence; for example, where and how the sample was collected, its demographic and other characteristics, etc.
2
This column is based on a presumption that releasing images of our naked bodies is a simple, matter of fact, transaction. But it isn't. For many of us, our unclothed selves are private and deeply emotional. We don't want former partners to have sexual photos of us to hold onto, let alone a wide viewing audience.
12
I think there is a conflict between intimacy and publicity. While Mr. Savage is right that by making our nude bodies a source of embarrassment in our culture we create many other problems, I'm not sure that displaying private pictures in public solves any of them. What Jeff Bezos and others in charge of our technology need to learn from this is not how to be more liberated, but how to make sure that all of us have better privacy protections.
10
The organization I worked for over 20 years taught me this mantra at least 10 years ago:
If it’s electronic, it’s not confidential. Period.
114
@Hungrybrain
Add to that: If it can be scanned, then it's potentially electronic.
Sorry, the only way these days you can be reasonably certain any communication remains private is if you take the person you are communicating with out on a boat, then both get naked, jump overboard and have your conversation in the water, out or earshot of your boat.
Not entirely fool-proof, but the person you are talking to would have to go to extreme lengths to record THAT conversation.
It's that or Maxwell Smart's cone of silence. That never worked very well, as I recall, though....
11
@Hungrybrain
Very well said.
Great advice from Dan Savage.
And, I'll add, Savage's call for us to stand-up against this 'weaponizing' of explicit pictures should also extend to inane and thoughtless texts, tweets, memes, etc. If someone uses the 'n' word in what they construe as an off-the-cuff, acceptable context among friends, should this be the basis of possibly being held as a smear on that person's professional or personal life for all eternity?
Social media has taken judging and shaming on the thinnest of pretext to an extreme that would make our Puritan forefathers so very proud.
17
@Common Sense How about of-the-cuff taped remarks? Say "grab them by the ..."?
3
Thanks for this bit of snark Dan. But mostly as a person who is virtually certain that there is no such pics of me anywhere you made me feel like the 2000 year old woman. Perhaps there is a benefit to getting married young and staying married. I guess it depends on your point of view. But at least I don't have these concerns. As Forrest Gump said so succinctly "one less thing."
148
@Jenifer, I’m an old-married, too. I am 100 percent certain that if I were dating now (or even dozen years ago) I would not send anyone an intimate photo. Nor would I be happy to receive one from a man. I cannot, however, be certain that some of the men I dated when I was young (before cell phones, or BCP) would not have taken (without my permission) and shared a nude photo of me. Some of those men, I know now, were not trustworthy people. So that is another reason to de-weaponize the cell-phone-shared nude pic: sometimes it is taken without permission.
52
@Jenifer
As Bezos said.
One less complexifier.
16
@Jenifer Ahhhh.....nothing like a touch of self righteousness. We'd all like to think we have such tidy little lives.
2
The author states: Far from being a threat to our relationships, sexting correlated strongly “with greater sexual satisfaction, especially for those in a relationship.” If this is true of most people in a meaningful relationship in our society today, then I truly feel sorry for that majority.
31
@ERAthen I truly feel sorry for that majority.
Why? Why would sexting cause pity from you? People have written love letters that were explicit over the history of time. Do you feel sorry for those historical figures that engaged in that behavior too? Or is it because it is either over a cell network or the internet and not via a quill?
8
@Mary I believe the author was encouraging Bezos to make public his nude and intimate pictures of himself sent to his girlfriend, not just words.
Great perspective. I agree. Consier--there is so much tsk-tsking about the Bezos (text) texts, when in reality they are just completely normal, sweet, and for those of us who haven't actually exchanged nude photos (I'm a generation or two too late), are representative of our own texts to our spouse/significant other. But because it's "lifting the curtain" they are somehow titillating and embarrassing?
9
@Ricardo
Dear Ricardo,
"...sweet...?" you must be kidding.
Saccharine for sure, but sweet..." Jeff Bezos is not sweet and his sexts are hardly praiseworthy.
He has abused his employees for decades and profited handsomely. It is hard for me to find anything meritorious in Mr. Bezos life history.
10
@gpickard
I'm talking about his texts, not his life or business practices. And "normal and sweet" does not equal praiseworthy; rather, the point is that they are completely mundane.
Of all the Op-Ed columns I've read throughout the years, this is by far the most ridiculous column ever written. Maybe it was meant as tongue in cheek, but I'm guessing not. It would make sense if today was April 1st. But no...
What has our world come to when such a stupid concept is given any merit at all by the Times? Allowing a column such as this any validity at all is baffling to me.
425
@David
If you are not sure whether or not this column is tongue in cheek, you have a problem. As for Mr. Bezos, this recent episode proves again that all the money in the world does not make a decent man. At least he is not murdering people like Mohammed bin Salman.
33
@David
Oh, for heaven's sake.
35
@David. Agreed.
21
Please Mr. Bezos, keep your selfies to yourself.
341
@lswonder
100% agree.
This op-ed was sickening.
Bezos releasing his pics would not serve to benefit anyone or our society. Period.
2
Nice try to attempt a spin from the real issue at hand:
Political and sexual extortion by AMI exposed by Mr. Bezos and corroborated by journalist Ronan Farrow.
So, I wonder, what does AMI have on you, Mr. Savage?
33
@Susanna
He is not spinning anything nor is he taking anything away from the real issue. The real issue in fact is what he is pointing out. The ability of extortionists to extort people by way of getting access to their privacies. That's the issue, not whatever you are imagining here.
12
@Indisk
Don't presume to characterize what I'm 'imagining.'
2
@Susanna
"So, I wonder, what does AMI have on you, Mr. Savage?"
That's really quite a cheap shot Susanna. I don't see that Savage was in any way trying to diminish the significance of AMI's, Pecker's and its/his lackey's outrageous and criminal behavior.
1
Bravo, Dan Savage!
36
I assume this essay was not written as satire, like some postmodern “A Modest Proposal.” That being the case, Mr. Savage, are you kidding? I agree that Bezos did the right thing by hitting the Enquirer hard and describing the texts in question. But to actually publish them? Yikes! Think of the impact on Bezos’ children, who’ve already been humiliated enough. I won’t judge their morality, but people are just plain stupid if they send, receive, or store photos of their privates. Look what happened to Anthony Weiner. If you’ve got them on your smartphone now, hit the delete button. And while you are at it, clear your device’s browser history at least once a day. And New York Times, why would you ever publish an essay like this?
267
@Mark Siegel
Those poor Bezos children. How is it that so many parents
don't consider their children ? How could someone as smart as Jeff Bezos take and "sext" nude selfies ?
Also, parents should cease and desist from taking and posting nude photos of their babies ,and sharing them,
by any means.
Fortunately, social media and cell phones didn't exist when my parents thought taking a photo of me sitting on a potty
as a baby was a good idea. While my body was not exposed, I found that photo to be embarrassing, and took the liberty of removing what I hope was the only copy from my mother's photo album . Given that my father had to run what looked like a Chapstick over the Polaroids he took, I believe it was the only photo.
Thank goodness that photo was taken in 1963, and not in 2019.
6
@Mark Siegel Yes, their father's genitals would be on the internet. Then what? Literally then what happens? How are kids affected by it? I'm not saying it's good, I'm just sick of vague references to "what about the children" with little critical thought behind them.
3
Nice editorial Dan! You do good work, however, candid, frank and to the point, but let's get Mr. Trump to release some selfies and prove to us that he's not as short in the shorts as Stormy Daniels says he is: he could prove to us his manliness once and for all!
45
@neb nilknarf
And put to rest comparison to fungae.
5
@neb nilknarf
Nobody wants to see that, I am pretty darn sure.
20
@neb nilknarf , ew. No. Just no. Please not that!
12
Extortion and blackmail are ugly; belief in on-line privacy is plain dumb.
158
I agree completely. The more people in the public eye voluntarily publish their "dirty pics"--I prefer "anatomical selfies," since I don't think naked body parts are dirty--the more such pics are deprived of the power to destroy people's lives. Let's begin with Hollywood types, starting with, say, Liam Neeson. He could not only get the ball rolling but divert attention from his recent negative PR. Liam, are you listening?
16
@Cufflink
Why Liam Neeson? I mean, he's OK, but he is going onto 70. I would be more interested in....
Sorry, can't say, that would be sexual harassment!
1
Sorry , sending nude photos is not normal ; perhaps egotistical and insecure . If the "ME" culture is normal as opposed to dysfunctional and all about me(where the world revolves) ; I say it's sociopathic . When an indiscretion becomes public for all to see , then nothing is private and renders dirty pictures mundane to giggle over and sensationalistic for those who aim to shame . A pic of someone's genitalia is not sexy nor pornographic but encyclopedic topography in a medical journal . Just don't do it .
122
@sm You may not want it to be normal, but it is. Labeling those who share these sorts of photos as "sociopathic" just because you don't like it is more extreme than the behavior that you're condemning.
18
@sm
Oh, thank heavens! A comment from the "Normal Police" just arrived!
How would we know what is normal and not normal if not for you, @sm?
22
@Jen and East/West: it's not abnormal in the clinical sense, but it is a depressing lack of dignity, class, privacy and simple adult behavior.
I am not shocked that teens show off this way, clueless to the fact that such stuff lives on, with the internet and social media -- that a teen does not realize that today's "new boyfriend" is tomorrow's loser and skank -- I AM shocked that men of 55 and 56 do not process this, or that women actually believe this makes them seem "desirable".
5
Haha, this was brilliant.
85
What a time to be alive.
72
Someone has lost all perspective. Is this in the NY Times? We are all better than this.
288
@T. O'Rourke
No, no we're not!
20
@T. O’Rourke
All of the commenters not familiar with the work of Dan Savage should google his name.
And T. O”Rourke, you should lighten up--this is exactly the point Savage is trying to make. Nudie selfies only have whatever power attitutes like yours give them.
8
@T. O'Rourke. Thanks. Some corrupt business people may be tearing down government & we get news about rich people's selfies, gloating over someone's divorce, insults, and lies.
How's the water quality in Flints, Michigan? Or your town? Is the EPA acting director busy helping coal mine owners poison local streams. A student's parent had a heart attack and she dropped a class to be part-time but the federal aid rules said no and cut all her aid. Ed Sec DeVos isn't helping our students or our schools. One third of federal jobs are vacant and our government may be shut down again in 4 days. US. journalists are murdered and dismembered without our State Department doing anything to protect them.
But yes, let's ignore nation's needs and drive up fear and anxiety over some rich guy's stupid pics. A crime syndicate with help of a foreign adversary may be dismantling our country - and we should be distracted by supermarket tabloid nonsense. Auughh!
You first, Dan. Many would enjoy a peek.
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@macbill Not me, if it bears any relationship to the 'quality' of his writing.
11
There is no innocence in JB’s publicly published behavior. He’s not hiding by not producing those photos. Dan Savage, what are you going to do with these photos? Show them to your kids and say, “Don’t do like Jeff does?” This is an idiotic column, about as subtle as deserved while still being direct.
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No, your sexts wouldn’t change the world, but it would show that you have some skin in the game. You wouldn’t be asking others to be braver for you. What say?
5
Ew, release-a-dirty pic day. No thanks.
28
No, please don't.
I don't really want to see it.
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Right on Dan!
6
What ridiculous advice from a guy who has been known to give some real doozies out passing as "sex advice." While I have read and enjoyed his columns in the past, I would not rely upon him for sex or relational advice, and you shouldn't either.
Everyone is entitled to some expectation of privacy, whether clothed or unclothed, and to suggest otherwise is sheer nonsense.
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@javamaster
The advice is not about privacy, it’s about de-shaming nude photos--removing their power to wreck lives and reputations. I say don’t take them to begin with, but I would support Savage’s idea anyway.
1
Is this really the issue of our time; i.e. pornographic selfies?
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Thanks Mr Savage, but I'm already feeling I have no place to hide from in my face revelations of american bodies. Maybe you should just go ahead and release your own, but do it in your closet, please.
20
I cannot think of anything funnier than have people send nude photos of themselves. Talk about a narcissistic endeavor.
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To each their own, but what I’d really like to see exposed is American Media by federal prosecutors. I’m sure that will paint a much dirtier picture than anything Bezos has to share.
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@T
It appears likely that the National Enquirer's attempt to blackmail Jeff Bezos will result in the outcome you desire. Hopefully, Jeff Bezos is about to expose American Media, and the Emperor in Chief, himself, for in the end, it is the Emperor who has no clothes.
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The logical conclusion of Savage’s idea is that we should all walk around without pants, at least in warmer weather.
I’m not sure I want to live in that world. In my 70s, I’m not crazy about what I see in the mirror, and I certainly don’t want to force all of you to share the experience.
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@T
This wins the NYT comment section this week. Perfect. (And I'm with you.)
1
Mr. Bezos has not acknowledged that these were selfies. It appears they may have been obtained through telescopic lens. He doesnt owe explanations of his personal life to the general public.
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@pb: Incorrect. The photos were selfies. This was clearly acknowledged in the article Bezos wrote for Medium wherein he exposed AMI’s blackmail.
8
Ok, I've never sent a nude photo, nor will I. However, I hear the young people laughing about this subject when they think the oldsters are not listening. They don't think it is serious, so maybe Mr. Savage is right about this subject.
Just don't send any to me, please.
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I agree with Mr. Savage, but would like to point out an important issue: Mr. Bezos was violated. And that violation is of a sexual nature. We cannot overlook, or dismiss, that.
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@H.L. Mr Bezos also "violated" his wife by having a mistress while he was still married. Does not speak much to his character!
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@Don Juan-Nor does the trio of lawyers he's hired: David Boie who paid Israeli investigators to dig up dirt on Harvey Weinsteins' victims, Jonathan Sherman who previously represented The National Enquirer's parent company AMI as it worked to squash negative stories about President Trump, and Martin Singer who represented Bill Cosby. When I read this list, I worried that Bezos is going after his (former) wife as each of these lawyers seem ethically challenged and extremely misogynist by who they choose to represent. I hope Mrs. Bezos reviews www.chumplady.com. Lots of sage advice from women who've been similarly wronged.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/08/business/media/jeff-bezos-ami-nationa.
4
The new way to salvation is a smart use of the word "We" - if used properly it will lead to forgiveness. From Northam to Bezos, from Weiner to Fairfax.
And, of course, dirty pictures. And more of them, please.
2
I doubt there were many women, and hopefully men, who did not love the scene in the second “Bridget Jones” film when Mark Darcy expresses appreciation for Bridget’s “wobbly bits,” and asks her not to hide them under the covers.
It was a romantic, funny and sexy moment in the film for me, and I’m glad that it took place before the (according to this article) “trend” for sending “genitalia selfies” over the Internet. I just don’t think that scene would have had the same charming resonance if we’d known that Mark and Bridget had already been exchanging photos of their “wobbly” and “dangly” bits beforehand. I guess I’m showing my age.
12
Just wanted to say LOVE THIS. So smart, Dan.
13
Thank you for referring to Lauren Sanchez as his "girlfriend." I'm fed up with female partners of adulterous men being referred to as "mistress," which unfortunately you did also do in this column.
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Yes, and one would guess all billionaires are straight males.
1
@Susan M Girlfriend? Home-wrecker would be more appropriate.
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@Don Juan
Bezos was/ is a consenting adult. The woman didn't wreck his home. He wrecked his own home.
24
Bezos made his point. Releasing his photos is entirely unnecessary.
20
"The National Enquirer [which] did more to put Donald Trump in the White House than perhaps anyone other than Vladimir Putin." aren't you forgetting James Comey, the mainstream media so obsessed with appearing *fairly balanced," the American voting public and even Hillary Clinton herself?
14
Actually, just send one pic of anybody's to everybody. They all look the same.
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Almost all the same. Variety is the spice of life. Yum.
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@C Wolf Except, apparently, Trump's.
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@C Wolf
Actually, they are all the same in overall design, but there are differences, meaningful ones.
7
Ah, you gotta love Dan Savage. Part tongue in cheek, part serious, and 100% amusing.
The real truth is that society is built on hypocrisy. It allows us to function with some sense of daily dignity.
We're wouldn't know what to do without it.
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@jeffg
Thank you, JeffG. Based on scanning through other comments (sorted by most "liked"), I was beginning to think I was the only one who has ever heard of Dan Savage, let alone read his columns or listened to his podcasts.
ITMFA
13
@jeffg Yeah, I think the general age of commenters on the NYT is probably more than 50 which is why many are not familiar with Dan. Having grown up in Seattle, I still remember the day when he gave a talk at my dorm. And his beginning columns for The Stranger. Dan is amazing at balancing truth with satire and humor.
5
...Or maybe Jeff Bezos' situation might encourage people to think twice before creating compromising material of themselves.
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It seems to me very plausible that Bezos was caught in a honeytrap and sting.
He should have known better than to have an affair with a FOX news reporter whose own brother is a rabid Trump supporter.
This really forces us to question his judgment, including his famous business savvy.
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@Pinchas Liebman
"It seems to me very plausible that Bezos was caught in a honeytrap and sting.
It sure does.
However, I would have though that Jeff Bezos would have been too smart to fall for such a trap.
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@Pinchas Liebman
Bezos is a sleazy adulterer with all the judgement of a stereotypical teenage boy. His business success only proves that some people have a good idea at the right time and enough luck and persistence to see it through--nothing to do with intelligence or “savvy”.
1
@Pinchas Liebman
I think that they (Mr. Bezos and Mrs. Sanchez) truly loved each other and did not expect this mess to happen
Hmm, no thanks. Most women do not want to see society become more sexually explicit. It is just not our thing.
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@springtime
Hypocrisy at it's best!
1
@Indisk
Indisk, your location says it all!
7
@springtime
And most men as well. Not all men like this. We are only naked in front of our wife, and not anyone else and not all the time either.
1
Why the heck didn't Mr. Bezos use an encrypted chat app?
I don't expect him to release the photos, and I don't think he should have to. But I'm surprised he was so cavalier about his privacy.
5
To recall a phrase from the past in a different context,
"Have you no sense of decency?"
Yikes this is offensive.
71
Sorry, this is insane. We are urged to violate our privacy so that others are not similarly constrained. Err... NO.
I don't know where I got the idea that Dan Savage was a serious commentator. Why doesn't he ask that the editorial board expose themselves and see if that gets published.
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@wnhoke
Mr Savage did not ASK Mr Bezos to expose himself, so your proposal makes no sense.
I don’t believe for a second that 88 percent of adults have sent (or even possess) naked pictures of themselves. And while I like Dan Savage and generally support his efforts to get America to lighten up about sex and sexuality, I think Jeff Bezos’ reaction is exactly like that the vast majority of folks would have if faced with public revelation of nude photos of themselves.
The lesson here is not to put oneself entirely on public display, but rather that we all should remember that nothing posted online or sent electronically can be presumed private.
540
What you believe doesn't have to be connected with reality. Exchanging salacious photos is a ubiquitous practice, even if the Puritans among us would prefer not to believe it.
57
Believe or not, I think the statistics are accurate!
41
88 percent? Puhleez!!!
151
Yes. This analysis is spot on. Closets are for clothes. The more reveal of ourselves the less we have to fear from others. Privacy is a trap.
31
Go for it. Post your selfies. Transparency rules.
10
I agree with the basic idea behind this column. It is past-due time that people let go of the facade of "innocence." The sooner that happens, the sooner society ceases to reward those who are particularly adept at creating and maintaining a facade. These are hardly the people we want to celebrate.
With each new generation, the share of people who have created and traded nude selfies has increased substantially. There is no positive value to pretending this is not so.
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@Flaminia
I haven't. My wife hasn't. Is that merely a facade?
21
@Flaminia But what is wrong with "innocence" ? What is wrong with maintaining some reasonable expectation that your image --naked or clothed --should be an inviolate part of one's being, something to be shared volitionally, and not as part of a blackmail scheme?
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@Flaminia
You're sure that young children don't deserve for their innocence to be preserved anymore ?
Did you ever notice that infants possess an astonishing, prescient way of looking right through adults, as if they could truly see into them ? Perhaps they are seeing and sensing some lack in those who are said to be their protectors.
8