My second child was born a bit early. And I endured prodromal labor for 2 weeks, which hurts, but it can't be stopped or avoided if you get it. We wanted to keep baby IN for a bit longer, so I endured. No one offers you a thing for prodromal labor other than "take a walk" and some sympathy. I think the author of the piece has included extremely helpful advice for any pains associated with the process. Don't for a minute think the pain ends after the baby is delivered, either, no matter the method. Even with an epidural, you will endure pain before or after, although we do all hope not much. Why not do your best to prepare for an event you can only control so much? We all need the kind of back-up plans and reframing the author clearly relates.
"I saw childbirth, especially an unmedicated one, as the ultimate challenge of physical endurance, mental stamina and my ability to handle pain." Childbirth is about the child. It is not a competition. It is about life and death, survival. It is about forces beyond our own arrogance and looking at giving birth as another trophy opportunity. This is such a capitalistic viewpoint. What of those women who have medically needed C sections? Are they less? I felt shame and guilt after my first C section. Why? Articles and viewpoints like this.
1
There's a lovely part in the middle emphasizing the kind of strength needed for a c-section, along with specific thoughts the author used to prepare for one, since we all hope we get one if needed. I understand I can't change how you feel, but hopeful pointing it may nudge someone else to go ahead and read it. There is so much helpful information here for women, no matter the method they birth.
I'm not sure what sports psychology is precisely, but a marathoner's mentality is needed for childbirth. My two sons were born without anesthesia--mainly because they wanted "out" so quickly! One was born in 5.5 hours, the other 3.5 hours. In labor, I clearly remember visualizing a bike ride on a long and hilly road. As the contractions mounted I was working hard, feeling the pain of the ascent; but when contractions ceased, I approached that short break as if it were a comfortable coasting descent. It allowed me to catch my breath and prepare for the "next hill". For those readers who scorn the non-use of an epidural: I didn't go without meds intentionally, but I wouldn't trade my experiences giving birth for anything. I also believe there's a difference in accepting pain, when you know it is temporary.
2
I have never understood the female machismo of attempting birth without pain relief. We have science. We have medicine. Pain is not required.
6
Even with the epidural, there is pain, and it is a disservice to women to deny it. Before or after or even during, you will experience it. Further, there are women who deliver so quickly that the baby arrives before the epidural. Until we have complete control over that? Information like this prepares people for the possibility.
There is no shame in managing your pain with medicine. Epidurals are feminist. 99% of my days are drug free and “natural” — birthing an actual 8 lb human is not the day to go without.
7
My first child was born in 1976- I opted for the non-medicated method.....after being in labor and having it stall after 24 hrs, they wheeled me down to Xray (while in labor on the same elevator that visitors used (I was so embarrassed and tried not to show my pain while flat on the bed) after breech was ruled out the doctor ordered pictosin which really sped things up.
Epiderals were used as frequently back then, and by the time I thought about getting one, I was past that point. I finally had my daughter a day and a half after entering the hospital. I later had my next two unmedicated and they came along much easier. Childbirth is not a contest and all women deserve the birth they desire if medically possible.
3
@Cindi adding to note I meant to say that epidurals were NOT as commonly used as of today.
1
Earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and practiced my forms (no sparring!) right up to the big day. Years of training and philosophy provided a framework to embrace the useful and inevitable pain and focus on the physical process. It was the pinnacle of my experiences as a martial artist.
4
I went through 33 hours of unmedicated labor because of false beliefs about epidurals. My contractions were every two minutes from the beginning, ineffective but painful. The thing about such long labor is that it's exhausting, and one begins to suffer from lack of sleep, thinking the baby will never come.
When I was given Ptocin and effective contractions began, they were actually less painful. But I ended up needing surgery after the birth for placenta retenta.
When my daughter had a similar long labor, I was glad she chose an epidural. I do not believe our author was an athletic hero; she was lucky.
7
Wow-the judgment from ‘those in the know’ (NOT) is why mothers feel overwhelmed.
Look, this author wrote a personal experience piece.
That’s all.
Not a How To, just a How I Did It.
Thanks to this author for taking us on HER journey!
Your journey is yours-hopefully no one will condem, compare, or worse-use a horrible medical event to scare the bejeezus out of you!
I wish all pregnant women the best of luck and may The Force be with you!!!
13
Every woman who has gone through childbirth has a war story to tell. But this one, is a bit much.
No doubt, it's high anxiety. But, over-analyzing a situation can be just as bad. When laboring comes, you focus on the next push. That's it. Why? Because you don't know how long it'll take. And, I don't care if anyone' telling me about thinking happy thoughts or some such, but when you have to do hard-labor for 13 hours straight (as in my case), every ounce of strength is redirected to doing to push. Period.
Breathing does help, and it's a very in-the-moment thing. Even years later now, I still vividly remember those 13 hours. All I could see (or hear) in front of me, was the sound of the baby-monitor (to make sure the baby heartbeat is strong), the pain (yes, it's always the pain), and the push. In the end, I was so happy my baby came out, my husband and nurses told me everything's good, and I was so utterly exhausted I didn't even want to hold my baby.
It's a natural childbirth with no medication, I didn't feel a thing when they stitched me up. The one thing I did right after I recovered, was to cut my hair short. After those 13 hours, I can no longer stand having hair stuck to my face and neck and back. It's major trauma, but it's the best thing that has happened to me, the most difficult thing in my life, and I came out alright with my baby. I felt like I could conquer the world. I still feel that way. :)
2
Having had unmedicated births and run marathons, the comonality in both was the wonder after the fact. "How did I do this?" Please excuse the pride one has after each. Luck of course, is involved with both, but also mental preparation. Physical training is the sine qua non of the marathon, not so much with childbirth, where it is important to understand that no one can do it for you. It helps to get an idea of the wide range of experiences, and see where each contraction leads. You also run a marathon one step at a time. So cool!
4
The author says, "We have to somehow get people to appreciate that they don’t understand things as well as they think they do.”. I say good luck ever getting THAT to happen.
4
This was my approach to natural childbirth. Checking in, triage thought I was nuts when I bought my own childbirth-friendly yet slightly humorously-reto workout togs. They were begging me to put on a gown. I said “no way”. This will be a marathon for me. I couldn’t have endured that 40 hour labor/delivery without that attitude and humor and it was a wonderful experience.
8
What a great piece! I, too, used strategies learned as a long-distance runner when birthing my three children: one in the now-closed Elizabeth Seton Childbearing Center, and two at home. Each time I go out for a run, I still appreciate the similarities in strength, focus, and grit that are present in athletic pursuits and having babies.
5
We need to stop valorizing unmedicated child birth - outcomes are equivocal and indeed, many of us in health care opt for cesareans after witnessing the all-too-common birth injuries women carry for the rest of their lives. See NYT coverage just last week.
21
Exactly. While providers discuss the risks of c-sections with women, there is little talk of the risks associated with natural birth.
8
@SMD
I understand that my experience is anecdotal, but I've never met someone whose unmedicated birth ended in birth injuries, especially when partnered with a midwife. However, my cousin died a few days ago from complications of an induction and subsequent Cesarean delivery. Thankfully, her baby is healthy.
9
@SMD, Both of my childbirths were natural, but the first one (without any experience) was without medication and royally painful. I opted for epidural the second time around, and the result was night-and-day. I was able to rest until the hard laboring came; I didn't feel any pain except some pressure; I was able to even "enjoy" the childbirth and had the strength to care for my newborn when she arrived. My first one left me so completely exhausted after 13 hours of hard laboring that I didn't even have the strength to hold my baby.
I would still recommend natural childbirth rather than c-section. And your body does recover much faster with natural childbirth. There is of course risks involved with epidural, but so does c-section. If I were to do it all over again, I would still opt for epidural + natural childbirth any day.
4
Thank you for the beautiful and comforting perspective, from someone who has not yet experienced pregnancy but is very anxious about it!
2
I had my daughter one month shy of my 41st birthday. Prior to pregnancy, I had run three marathons including Boston. Honestly, I chuckle every time I read an article that equates the pain we experience as athletes to that of childbirth. I have yet to experience any sort of athletic or other bodily pain that could compare to labor. I too wanted to experience a drug free birth, but like many women, I stopped dilating and the baby was starting to exhibit signs of stress. Two ideas got me through the pain of labor. First, it was my baby's way of saying she was ready to meet her mom and dad. Second, millions of women have done this before and they have survived. I finished the 2018 Boston Marathon and I still believe that the pain of athletics pale in comparison to giving birth.
19
@CMB Tell me something. Where in the article does someone equates the pain of athletics with the pain of childbirth?
4
@CMB, You have it exactly right.
1
I had three children using Lamaze for the last two, though with unwelcome pain meds towards the end because my blood pressure always shot sky high. The combination of understanding of the process and breathing techniques is easily transferrable to other kinds of pain. I have used it for other painful problems, like my knee replacement. As a pediatrician, I also taught it to children facing shots, and most recently to my husband who was dying of cancer. Relieve the fear, and the pain is easier to bear. Pick a focal point and take deep, slow breaths. It eases so many problems in life.
18
@CassandraM
I birthed two babies with the Lamaze method in the 1960’s. I can honestly say it was unmedicated and painless. The emphasis is on *prepared* childbirth. I don’t know that this effective technique is taught very much today and I think that is a real loss.
1
Interesting article. The best advice was about going with the flow and using the time between contractions, especially the 90 second ones, to rest. In my case to actually nod off. Oddly enough I was a runner, before and all throughout pregnancy, took Lamaz from the famous Elizabeth Bing. The only " training" I took into childbirth therefore was an ability to control my breathing, a desire to enjoy the event, and most of all...figure it was going to work out. Lol. Falling asleep between contractions was a nice if humorous bonus.
12
In 1982 my second baby was two weeks late. When he finally decided to arrive it happened too fast for me to roll over for the epidural. Yes it hurt.
Twenty years later that child had to drive me to the hospital with a kidney stone attack. That stone hurt way way more than natural childbirth. Sorry guys.
10
@JudyH, Ph.D., "Some guys (ladies) have all the luck, some guys (ladies) have all the pain." Apparently, you're the luck one.
3
I'm an ordinary athlete and I coach other ordinary athletes. All of us strive from time to time for experiences beyond the ordinary. I've given birth to four ordinary children, and each time it was (thankfully) an ordinary event. At the same time, there's something extraordinary about it on a very personal and intimate level. Sports psychology provides us tools to use so we can transcend these ordinary things, whether it be staying in mindful control of our physical selves in athletic endeavors or during the intimate event of childbirth. There's nothing elitist or selfish about it.
15
This is excellent! Three decades ago, I used many of these same athlete/ body trust/ teeth baring stamina tools during two unmedicated births.
Although I have never trained as a athlete, I’ve always used the analogy of winning the Boston Marathon for the triumphant feelings I have about my births.
9
Ha! Indeed, Gatorade saw me through! (Although I would've preferred an electrolyte drink without the harmful chemicals, banned from food and drink in Europe, that I later found out were in Gatorade.)
3
Every mother reimagines and reinvents the process. There are millions of stories and each is different and unique. End of story!
12
I gave birth to my first daughter the day of the NYC marathon. My labor started long before the start of the race and finished long after the last runner finished. I’m planning on celebrating her 13th birthday (and the 20th anniversary of my MS diagnosis) next November by running the marathon myself. I know it will be more difficult than childbirth, but far less painful and something I can (unlike birth) reliably prepare for. (And like the author, I had specific personal reasons for wanting an unmedicated birth, and couldn’t care less that most women understandably choose otherwise!)
11
I very much appreciate this author's approach, and it's quite similar to how I prepared for and viewed my daughter's birth too. I thought of it as an endurance event, and I think that approach really helped me through a prolonged labor. I wrote about the metaphor of birth as a marathon for a blog on yoga and motherhood that I create: https://www.wholemamayoga.com/blog1/2017/07/the-marathon-of-birth?rq=marathon
What some posters here seem to miss is that while Solomon makes it clear she had birth preferences for an unmedicated birth, she was ready to be present to any type of birth that occurred, using the tools of sports psychology to get her through it. I really appreciated that she mentioned her fear of operations was the underlying fear of a C-birth (a fear that I personally share), and I was also relieved that she fully recognized that women who deliver via C-birth have endured something comparable and amazing.
What a beautiful piece about one possible psychological approach to delivering a baby! I think this will resonate with other athlete mamas-to-be.
24
I thought from the title that this article was going to be about a scientific study evaluating sports psychology techniques during labor. Was disappointed that it was just another birth story that makes a lot of assumptions based on one woman’s experience.
22
Personally, it was never about me when pregnant with my twin daughters. It was always about them. Whenever I read these types of "I championed childbirth and am somehow better than you" articles, it makes me crazy. Rarely is the health and welfare of the child, or children, mentioned.
28
@Jayjay it’s assumed. I know exactly zero mothers for whom the health and welfare of their child didn’t come first.
In fact, it’s insulting to insinuate that women who have an interest in how they birth feel otherwise.
30
@Jayjay
That's interesting. I actually have a healthy fear that people who make medical decisions for me will prioritize the life of my child over my life. I don't mind articles that have a focus on the mother because it seems less likely that someone will decide to put my life at risk for the sake of my baby. That's fine if I choose it (which I never would, because I want to actually live to be the mother). But the default should always be to prioritize the mother's life.
This is in the context of maternal death rates rising, such as in Texas, in what should be a first world country and have the best medical care in the world. From my perspective it does seem like all the attention is paid to the baby and very little to the mother.
11
@Jayjay, I totally hear ya. In a way, it's the most passive-aggressive way to self-congratulate oneself for a job well-done, never mind the baby. :)
1
Can we stop using the term “natural birth?”
32
I would say, as a mom of two (unmedicated births in each case) and former, now retired Obstetric RN, that it was less what you practiced and planned, than what you your body and the labor/ delivery experience did to and for you.
Clearly your baby was big enough to birth vaginally; and he and you were healthy individuals. Your pelvis was the right size and shape. Your labor and delivery proceeded normally.....None of that was under your control. You had good luck and good medical support.
67
Women who stay within the weight parameters and exercise regularly are more likely to have a successful vaginal birth.
Saying that was all due to good luck and a good medical team isn’t completely fair. Remaining active and maintaining a healthy weight during pregnancy can influence outcomes.
8
@FM To some extent. My daughter stayed completely within all weight parameters and has eaten healthy all her life but had to have a C-section due to breech presentation.
All excellent advice for women, but a pro tip for all future fathers— never, ever make sports training analogies to a pregnant wife. Let her find this wisdom on her own.
27
@Matt, you made me laugh. My husband found this out the hard way at the birth of our first child. Not appreciated!
9
My motto during two natural childbirths -
Keep moving, keep drinking, keep eating
Same my motto during my ultra trail runs
13
Meh. Every mom thinks her birth story is interesting to other people in its immediate aftermath. I've had one delivery, and it was fast and unmediated - does that mean people want to hear me talk about it?
The fact that this woman went 13 days beyond her due date and had a 9lb8oz baby tells me exactly what kind of medical advice she was seeking out. She either wasn't listening to her OB, or I want to stay far away from her OB if I ever have another baby.
39
@DCMom
My fist child was induced 13 days after his due date and weighed less than 7 lbs. He had no signs of being post-mature. We like to believe the doctors are omniscient gods, but much of it looks like a guessing game.
2
I wanted to do a natural childbirth with my first child, thinking it would help avoid a C-section, etc. Then she turned out to be huge, turned the wrong way (sunny-side-up, not breech) and I had what my doula said was all the worst combinations: back labor, baby that didn't want to turn, etc. It was excruciating, but I'd done the prep classes. . . but one of the things that kept me trying to deliver naturally was this thought: "People are running marathons all over the world for a t-shirt, surely I can do this for a baby!"
16
I have given birth 4 times.
First with epidural and other 3 without pain meds “natural”. Giving birth and laboring without pain meds, was the most challenging, awesome, empowering, Spiritual emotional experience. I don’t recommend it for everyone. It takes mental strength and stamina and it is bloody painful and torturous if you feel like you are suffering and in distress.
Later on I developed an anxiety disorder and after 2 years dealing with this I had an epiphany. I used my techniques for birthing.
When In labor I’d tell myself that although I am in pain, I am not actually in distress. This pain is an indication of progress and a sign my baby will be here soon and that my body is working properly. When I feel panic coming I tell myself although I have physical symptoms of distress I am not actually in danger. I relaxed all my muscles, do my birth breathing stuff, and I don’t dread panic attacks anymore because I know I can handle it, stopping them before it peaks. I’m really proud of myself
50
Thank you for sharing your comment. So happy you’ve been able to translate the skills to help with other issues!
9
I had one natural and one epidural vaginal birth. I used a running up the hill mental metaphor to get through each contraction since I am a runner and it worked.
It is indeed hard to describe the awesome, challenging, amazing, emotional and spiritual experience that is natural childbirth. It also made my husband and I closer. I actually thought I might die or was dying the pain was so extreme, but I was at peace with everything and I wondered if people experiencing extreme pain or suffering at the end of life develop this peace. It was as close to a near death religious experience I’ve ever had and it made me fear death less. And then it ended in meeting my child - there is nothing as incredible.
The pain relief with the epidural was also amazing, but I felt like I was missing something and a bit let down and didn’t get the same high at the end when my baby was born. And my husband as support person felt replaced with the epidural, which he literally was. But again, no pain = also wonderful and best for most women.
My friends who have only experienced the epidural are happy and don’t know what they missed, so does it really matter? Let’s not judge each other. I find it all fascinating and at grateful for modern medicine either way.
Bravo for you!
I had my children years ago, and I had easy deliveries, but I wish I had been in better shape. I should have exercised more when I was pregnant. As far as that goes, I wish I had exercised more all my life. I hope that all the youg women reading this will become more active and encourage their chidlren to be active.
Also I'm glad you were mentally prepared for a C-section in case you needed that.
7
When I delivered our first child, I was desirous of going natural for the delivery, but every nurse I came into contact with, I asked “ do you have kids? Did you use drugs for the delivery?” All of them, over 15 nurses (I was there awhile), used drugs/epidurals of some kind. After about 12 hours and close to the point of no return, I ordered my epidural, which left me able to move and feel but not the punishing pain. As the actual birth came, I decided that the pain is temporary, the worst I may ever experience, and to go with it, don’t fight feeling it, but get through it as quickly as possible and try not to be fearful.
I feel that in our society, much is made about not feeling pain, to the point that the first time mothers like myself, get totally psyched out. Some things in life are meant to be felt, though not necessarily through suffering.
9
I don’t understand the obsession with giving birth without pain meds. As a runner, and a mother, it seems nothing like competing in a race to me. Does the author also view getting her teeth pulled without pain meds as a challenge or competition? Or for that matter, why not an unmedicated C-section? It just seems bizarre to eschew pain meds for one thing but not the other. I know that the author didn’t mean harm, and I get the part about “training” for labor (it’s good to prepare physically and mentally), but she lost me on the goal of no pain meds. I don’t get it.
This obsession about pain-med free birth seems based on some sort of internalized sexist assumption that women should suffer, and I do think it’s damaging, even if not intended to be.
101
To answer your question, there are all kinds of practical, not prideful, reasons to avoid an epidural. Some of us want to be able to move around, potentially repositioning as the baby and our body negotiate the passage in progress. The difference between labor and a root canal is both baby and mother are the active participants. I don't participate in my dental work, so don't need to avoid meds to stay engaged. In childbirth, without interrupting the endorphins the body puts out to cope with the real sensations, you get a HUGE rush at the finish. Your baby and breasts aren't swollen from IV fluids, making breastfeeding easier. Pretty awesome way to begin motherhood if it works out. Make sense?
65
@Anon
What a wonderful, apt description -- it's just as I experienced the birth of my daughter. I also did not want to introduce any medication into her life as she was introduced to this one, and that's very different from me getting a root canal.
A, you say: "internalized sexist assumption that women should suffer..." Good grief, pop pschology. Women since the beginning of time have been having babies without medical intervention.
I'm very happy it's there for those women who want or need it (that could have been me too.) But I was completely prepared for the experience without medication and it was over-the-top joyful.
16
@A
After 24 hours of labor and a migraine involving projectile vomiting that the nurse told me set the distance record for the delivery ward, I went for the epidural for Kid #1.
Am I supposed to hang my head in shame?
Or is it enough that I redeemed myself by having #2 and #3 without pain meds?
Please let me know if I pass the test.
24
Interesting read, but the comparison between sports and childbirth falls flat for me. While pushing through the last three miles of a marathon or a minute of squats takes willpower, I found the opposite in two childbirths. My body took over, and how they played out had absolutely nothing to do with my will or my power.
43
The author didn't mention hypnosis. Its a great way to have an un-medicated birth if that is terribly important to you.
I successfully utilized self hypnosis for two births but would have accepted medication readily had I needed it.
I don't really understand all this performance pressure and competition among women......a safe delivery is the goal.
18
This sounds a lot like hypnobirthing: positive birth affirmations, visualization, riding out the pressure waves.
9
Thank you for shedding a light on prepared birth.
3
She's lucky she didn't go to the hospital when her labor "stalled". She would have labeled as "failure to prgress" and given a c-section.
22
I was thinking this, too! I'm an RN and I see "failure to progress" and "failure to descend" too often, sadly.
14
I gave birth in 1994, and no one offered me any pain killer whatsoever. I had no choice. No epidural, no aspirin, no breathing techniques, not even ice chips to suck on. Fortunately, I started labor at 7am, pushed him out by 10:30am, and was ready to go home and have lunch and watch my husband cuddle our little sweetie. I'm as lucky as can be, it seems.
5
I couldn't help but contrast this quote "Still, as a lifelong athlete, I saw childbirth, especially an unmedicated one, as the ultimate challenge of physical endurance, mental stamina and my ability to handle pain" to the horrific story out of Arizona where a woman in a vegetative state gave birth without anyone noticing until the end of labor. Guess what? All those birth classes, and birthing stretches and exercises, are completely unnecessary, as the human body will give birth whether the woman feels ready or not. To me, comparing childbirth to an elite sport is silly. Plus, now that my children are older, (17, 14 and 13), the way you birth is virtually meaningless to the actual raising of the child. Go to a high school graduation and try to pick out which graduates came vaginally or by Cesarean section.
80
Good grief, so much harsh judgement toward this woman for sharing what helped her get prepared for labor and wrote an article about it. She's not telling anyone what to do, she's simply sharing her fears leading up to the birth, her actual experience, and a brief reflection on the whole thing.
Good for her and good for everyone who shares their pregnancy/childbirth/nursing/PPD/whatever experiences freely and openly without telling others what to do or suggesting there is a right way and a wrong way. Calling her a "self-righteous" mother who "is seeking validation" and "setting herself above every other average woman" simply because she described how she handled her fears during labor is not helpful. There was once a time when pregnancy, labor, periods, birth complications, PPD, breastfeeding, etc were all shrouded in mystery because they were viewed as a scandalous or inappropriate topic of conversation. Some people clearly still feel that way. That silence serves no one.
108
@Ellen Macionsky
What you say is on the mark!
8
Thank you, Ellen. I agree. Women talk too little and should talk a lot more about their birthing experiences. I assume that for many this could aid in productively working through a harrowing and difficult birthing experience. To implicitly accuse the author of self-centeredness and egotism and bemoan a supposed lack of selflessness thereby marking it as a moral failure is insidious but, in my experience, unfortunately, all too common. Moralizing comments like these divide those who give birth into good mothers and bad mothers. And, looking at history and dominant religious traditions, this is unfortunately all too familiar. I am grateful to the author. I wish I could have had a tea and chat with her after my birthing experience.
8
@Ellen Macionsky
Maybe once upon a time, but now it’s wall to wall Mom oversharing. There is not an aspect of pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting that has not been described in unbelievably minute detail for the whole world to read.
6
Serena, I love your story and your writing and your willingness to share your training and your trepidation. Some women tend to be the most eager and vociferous critics of the way other women decide to live, and some comments here reflect that.
I love your decision to yoke yourself to existing role models in sport. Good for you -- and your son is a darn rock star!
My child was born 45 years ago using Lamaze -- despite naysayers who tried scare tactics -- and I was fortunate that circumstances permitted me to carry through using this method with the great support of my husband, now former husband.
That birth was amazing! Tough, but something out of this world. Enjoy the rest of the ride. It's challenging, trying, wonderful and meaningful, all wrapped up in one ball. I wish you the best.
24
Having gone through two births now I wish I had spent more time on what comes after delivery- taking care of a newly born human. I was educated about childbirth, but woefully unprepared for the crushing fatigue and time it would take for my body to heal. Talk about a marathon!
83
When we were having our kids in the 70s and 80s, we all took Bradley or Lamaze classes, learned as much as we could about labor and delivery. Some of my friends ended up with epidurals because of long labors or troublesome presentations but most of us did fine. there was no judgement because my six hour labor could not be compared with a friend’s 34 hour labor. Our goal was to take control of a natural process and not let a hospital dictate how ‘tis was to be done. I am not sure comparing labor to a athletic event is a good one. I know most of us were in training with diet and expertise.
14
@Kathleen Clarke
You are right on the mark, KC!
"I saw childbirth, especially an unmedicated one, as the ultimate challenge of physical endurance, mental stamina and my ability to handle pain." I saw childbirth as being about bringing a baby into the world while actually surviving myself. I nearly didn't get the privilege of survival. I lost many units of blood and ended up spending the first 24 hours of my babies life in the ICU. It was the scariest moments of my entire life. Thankfully my baby was born healthy. I also received top notch care at a very well regarded hospital. I despite mothers who underestimate the dangers women are in while in labor. Enduring childbirth is nothing to be proud of, having a healthy, uncomplicated birth and heathy baby should be the goal.
49
I am a nurse midwife and a mother. I think the best thing the author learned was to have an open mind, and to accept that we largely cannot control how our labors unfold. (Aside from carefully choosing a provider who shares your ethos and goals.) I think a winning mindset involves approaching labor thinking, "X type of childbirth would be awesome, but let's just see how it goes." Those of us who attend births are sometimes most worried about women who have a very rigid idea of exactly how their labor should go. It's really not about what labor coping techniques or exercises you learn; it's about letting go, and finding a way in the moment to cope with the labor that you find yourself having.
92
Absolutely, Karen!!!
I'm a NICU nurse... There was a laboring patient on L & D recently who was adamant that she wanted a natural childbirth. She'd had a previous vaginal delivery (PROVEN PELVIS!). For the entire shift before I arrived at work, the baby's tracing didn't look good. Not horrible, but not good -- and I guess it got worse as the shift dragged on (can't say for sure, since I wasn't there), and the mother developed a fever. She was still quite vocal about not wanting much intervention.
A new OB hospitalist arrived for her shift at the same time I arrived for mine, and apparently she gave the mom & her husband the "straight scoop." Within minutes, I was called to be in the OR to assist with the baby, if needed. After the baby was pulled from the mom's body, my team and I were handed a dead baby -- no movement and no heartbeat. We gave epi and intubated and all of that, but her pH was found to be very low and her pupils were fixed and dilated. She went on total body cooling, but she had no meaningful brain activity (before or after the cooling protocol). The parents ended up withdrawing life support after a few days.
I completely understand PREFERRING low intervention, but there is something to be said about having a "let's just see how it goes" attitude, too!
27
@Karen
There should be only two goals in child birth -- a healthy baby and a healthy mother. All plans need to be secondary to those two goals.
15
The author unwittingly illustrates the contemporary scourge of performative mothering. A mother used to be something you were; now it’s something you do, hence the term “mothering.” And you do it under the gaze of other mothers, micro-branding yourself by your choices, and disseminating a carefully curated portrayal through social media, artlessly seeking validation through the “likes” of strangers.
When it came to raising children in the 1950’s, a woman might have feared the judgments of her mother and mother-in-law but she did not particularly fear the judgment of her peers since they were all doing the same thing. Everyone went to the hospital to have a baby; everyone was unconscious at the moment of birth; everyone bottle fed. For better or for worse, there was incredible uniformity in parenting practices.
The contemporary mother in contrast, faces not merely the judgment of her peers, but she actively submits herself to the judgment of the larger world by engaging on social media. She is a stylist of motherhood, selecting from parenting identities and practices to present a meticulously crafted mothering persona designed for the gaze of other mothers.
In theory the author “trained” for her child’s birth because it was her heartfelt desire; in truth she choreographed it to demonstrate to other mothers that she is a “natural” mother. Childbirth has become yet another opportunity for micro-branding and self-promotion.
100
@Amy Tuteur, MD
I agree. It's not enough anymore to just "give birth." Now, to be the "optimal" mother, you have to crush the childbirth Olympics. And once you've done that, your journey is not complete until you've gone on social media and written an essay bragging about your feat.
I'm glad this approach worked out for the author. But like you, I can't help but wonder what her objective really was in sharing her story. She got her wish of having an unmedicated vaginal birth. What does she want - a medal?
From the way that the essay was written, it seems that what she's really after is unfettered attention and public validation that she's much, much better than everyone else. She compared childbirth to the Olympics and herself as an Olympian, for crying out loud. But I see how that fed into her own internal narrative of self-righteous excellence. How many people, after all, get to go to an Olympics? By choosing that specific psychology to approach childbirth, she was able to, in her mind, set herself above every other "average" woman - many of whom will likely struggle mightily with childbirth and not get, at all, the birth experience that was hoped for.
The thing about competitive childbirth is that it has no bearing whatsoever on the kind of person you are, or who or what your kid will become.
62
@Amy Tuteur, MD
I agree and I disagree. I see how this article could leave some women feeling judged or feeling bad about themselves. I see how it perpetuates our current culture where women, especially mothers, are shamed for every decision they make - and made to feel that they are not good enough.
It's also true though that it is hard to have a baby without an epidural/pain meds, and I understand why the author wants to celebrate having done that. It would be nice if we could all say "good for you" without any irony and without feeling bad about our choices.
Like breastfeeding - I love breastfeeding - but it's just ridiculous to act like mothers who simply choose not to (vs. tried but can't) are somehow lesser than those who breastfeed for a long time. The data on any possible advantages for breastfeed children in a developed country are absolutely ambiguous let's all acknowledge that. It would be more useful to support the choice of the mother either way and make it easier for them to actually choose what is best for her own situation.
So, more resources for breastfeeding and more resources for mothers who do not breastfeed. More choices for individuals who want to labor without pain medication (all kinds of childbirth are natural in my opinion) and more choices for women who want good, safe pain relief. And no judgement.
We can choose to support all mothers and all children.
34
@Amy Tuteur, MD: How do you know what the author was thinking? You don't have to guess - she tells you in the article what she was thinking!
3
This article strikes me as an awkward way to approach birthing psychology.
During my first pregnancy, I honestly found articles like this to be alien, intimidating and worry-making. I couldn't bring myself to take a class, and felt like a slacker for it.
Yet during my first birth I was totally fine, better for not getting wrapped up in this stuff. I spontaneously started imagining I was calling upon every last bit of physical training I had done my entire life: high school sports, college yoga classes, squats performed decades ago. It was like a weird spell and it worked!
I think the best thing pregnant women can hear about birth is YOU can do this. Not "women have been doing this for a thousand years so you can to." ButYOU can do it. You already have it in you. It will be ok. You got this.
And, yes, talk to other women who had chill birthing experiences. Come to think of it, knowing from friends I could do an epidural, nap and watch Netflix for a few hours took a lot of the mystery out of the whole thing!
32
@Sarah
I love your last paragraph--an humorous and engaging capsule about medicated childbirth.
Some women prefer a delivery without medication. Thus, you and the author were on different pages about how to do childbirth.
However, I don't think the author was selling an approach to birthing psychology. She was telling the story about how she got her body ready to give birth. I think that shows tremendous respect for her unborn child.
2