You're all bald - live with it. Frank Sinatra was bald and he did OK.
Easy for me to talk with lucky genes - full head of hardly grey hair in my 70's and I look 20 years younger.
1
As a young man I was resigned early to the idea that I'd go bald. That it didn't happen says something about the randomness of genetics. But the fact is that I grew to not care one way or the other, just as I've never worried about other physical changes that I basically can't control. But shaving the head in response to going bald? Where's that at? "I hate going bald so I'll cut to the chase and be entirely bald"??? It's not attractive at all. Somehow it's become a sort of uniform that men have adopted as an expression of their identity, but the point escapes me.
1
You are who you are. You have to own your baldness and deal with it effectively. Getting fit would be one way, and another would be simply shaving it off. The awkward place of partial baldness can be resolved by simply ridding oneself of the ambivalence, or at least making the hair you have attractive as possible.
For myself, I likely won't lose hair until in my 70's, and the closest corollary to your situation was when I started getting gray in my late 20's - I am now 58. For myself, I enjoyed it, lucky enough to gray at the temples, which had its own distinctiveness. Now I much more gray, but my feeling is you have to love yourself, no matter what. Granted, that can be tough, but you need to find a place where you are comfortable, even proud, of the way you are.
BTW, I would lose the 'bozo' coif. It seems just the compensation of men unwilling to admit they've lost their hair...
- However you choose to wear your baldness should always be your preference-everyone's scalp looks completely different. My sister's partner completely shaved his head, and he is by far the most handsome man in the family (outside of Dad!), but for someone else a different look could make them feel better about themselves. But a glued-down combover is never a choice anyone should make. Who can forget the "reveal" photo of Trump climbing Air Force 1 stairs?
- The balding or bald male commenters bragging that they've "always had beautiful girlfriends" is just as superficial as the other people they would blame for judging their baldness (Trump also brags about his ability to "get beautiful women", so that's an excellent sign that you're not in good company)
- For the far too many people who lose their hair because of chemotherapy, our hearts are with you. We recognize that all of our petty worries would be extinguished in an instant if we were to face a health challenge like you're facing.
1
I could have written this. When at 18, my mother’s hairdresser friend noticed that my hairline had started to recede. Until then, I too had a most enviable mane. One girl I knew had a crush on me because I looked like Springsteen on the cover of Born to Run. Thick, dark, and wavy, my hair seemed more permanent than the Pyramids to me.
Five years later, I asked barbers to cut my hair “finger length”. Five years after that, I just went and bought an electric razor and cut out the middle man.
Sometime in the mid-1990s, I visited a friend who happened to work in one of those “hair systems” salons. As I sat in the waiting room, I sat across an actual customer. I was sorely tempted to quietly reassure him that, “Look at me. I’m getting laid. I’m doing fine. You don’t need to do this to yourself” but stopped myself for the sake common courtesy and my friend’s livelihood.
Well, I still have my teeth and at 57, my eyesight is far better than average for someone my age. My wife says she likes my bald head, and I choose to believe her.
1
Granted, early suffering can lead to positive things. I've read that adult wisdom tied to early trauma, around adolescence. In your case, instead of compensating with minoxidil, if one had started to take care of one's body and health, that could be seen a positive. I remember back when I was much more the fitness buff, men buying Rogaine, thinking that should really be taking care of their growing paunch. Looking at my own family, balding men were the ones with paunches, diabetes, and early heart disease. More fact, there are studies showing that balding men have aged early, with greater heart disease risk, more a function of unhealthy metabolism than lifestyle choices.
A minor aside, but one has to have something to fear losing it. Older men worrying about crows feet just means they were always younger and better looking. They didn't lose their youthful appearance in their 20's.
1
It's worse if you're a woman and you inherit androgenetic alopecia from both side of your family. Balding women are not normally considered sexy.
11
I just grow my eyebrows long and comb it back. People ask "what's with the five- head" cuz they don't know what happened to my eyebrows.
1
I lost most of my hair in my early 20's, as did an uncle and grandfather before me. I remember someone yelling from a passing car, "Hey, baldy! Get a rug!" And the store clerk who thought my college sweatshirt came from one of my children's schools. So, I got a rug. Yeah, made me look younger. Really expensive to maintain, and my partner said it didn't matter if I was bald. So, I ditched the rug -- literally tossing it across our apartment like a frisbee, and went to the nearest barber for a buzz cut. Today at 56: no rugs, drugs or plugs, and I cut my own hair.
5
Yes, self-abnegation makes for a gelid shower for sure when you've put yourself in the phenotypical dustbin. Better to just trim it shorter as your forehead gets larger and not GAF. Yeah, women (and I suppose men) care more about your self-confidence, humor, and ability to care. Man, what a crowd if in your mid-30'd the worry is about crow's feet and follicles.
Frankly, what I find silly is the myriad of creative ways other guys disguise their pates, or have long pony-tails with a gleaming dome. There's a reason we make fun of Trump's doo.
Glad I don't have to worry about pomade - Michael Jackson's hair bursting into flame during that Pepsi commercial killed any thoughts about it anyway.
3
Well at least you have a good sense of humor. That surely counts for something.
3
@Dave From Auckland
A sense of humour counts for a heck of a lot ! As do intellect,being well-read ,kindness ,an open mind, fidelity ,trustworthiness,compassion for all living things.....
(Female view-point !)
To fellow folic-ally challenged brothers remember this: "The Lord made some heads perfect, others He / She hid with hair."
3
Bald? I hadn’t noticed! I was too busy laughing. I prefer a sense of humor to a mane of hair!
5
Recommendation: rejected.
What recommendation next?
Shaving half your face?
Wearing stripes and plaids?
The zen of pimple popping in public?
1
Are people really doing their mid-life crisis at 30? Is this to get it out of the way?
Unless you’re unlucky enough to meet your demise in your sixties, you might want to save it for the true angst period of middle age. That voice within that tells you(personally), that you shall die.
Try as you might to deny it, that is one combover you will never be able to hide. That’s not morbid either. Those who don’t come to grips with that, Mr. Trump, for instance, wind up acting and looking ridiculous.
5
Like this young man, I went bald in my twenties—just the time when “Big Hair” bands were all the rage; I was grateful I was tall with an athlete’s body, but still ashamed and awkward (this was before Saint Michael of Jordan made it cool to shave it all off.) But one night, after listening to my lament about being bald, a lover told me that it was a “10-80-10” thing; that is, 10 percent of women will find it the sexiest thing ever, 10 percent won’t have anything to do with you, and 80 percent couldn’t care less, as all they want is to have a man who loves and respects them, and if that man is bald, so be it.
Over the past 30 years, I’d say she was spot-on. Young men should focus on what matters, and having a full head of hair isn’t one them. Welcome to the club, my young friend.
15
I am not fully bald - my head does that fringe thing. I finally made up my mind to shave it because of crease in the back of my head that grew dark hair among all the silver which I considered a weird look. I've never regretted that and often been told it makes me look younger. I have also saved a lot of money on haircuts.
My own personal theory on baldness is that the brain power generated from heavy thinking just burned those roots on top away.
9
What? Bernie Sanders and Frasier are aging gracefully....
1
Well said, brother.
2
The best thing about hair: No matter how much you lose, you'll always have all you need.
5
I give you Jason Statham. The much loved Patrick Stewart as Jean Luc Piccard. Yul Bryner. Mark Strong. Sean Connery. Vin Diesel...
The worst mistake you can make is to be unkempt. That is what destroys you, not your loss of hair.
17
The author has obviously been directing his dismay at himself and hasn't noticed the small, secret cadre of women who find bald men attractive. To paraphrase James Carville, it's the testosterone, stupid.
No little ponytails, no massive beards to overcompensate. Just a lovely bald head.
https://youtu.be/sirJa_OltKk
7
My father had a receding hairline and a largish nose. Turns out, that's my type! Bald guys, look for women with fathers who have your hairline.
6
In 1985 at 27, I shaved my head, after Yul Brennber but way ahead of Bruce Willis. I liked the look and now at 62 have been bald more than half my life. I missed out on the wedge, the perm, the tip and frost and every other embarrassing haircut trend. I’ve never bought “product” and it takes me 10 minutes to get ready. Hair loss was no loss
4
I once dated a woman who said that "balding men make my knees weak---and seeing through their scalp is so sexy, like a see-through negligee."
My kind of woman. I rest my case.
6
Began losing my hair in my early 20's. It bothered me for a few years. Then I stopped caring about it and just lived my life.
There are lots of benefits to being bald. I don't waste a lot of money on haircuts, shampoo and conditioner and dry my hair with a towel. I cut what hair I do have with an electric razor and keep my remaining hair at the same tidy length as my salt and pepper beard.
And I found, over the years, that women like substance, a sense of humor and confidence. Despite my lack of cranial hair, over the years I have rarely been without any of them.
15
I've used minoxidil for 27 years, and I think at first (after two and a months) it looked as if wispy hair was growing in. But it worked, and I get lots of compliments on my hair (white now). I buy the cheap minoxidil at Walmart, and it costs $18 for a three-month supply. I think it's simple to use. I use the liquid that I apply with a dropper.
7
Yawn.
Insecure about baldness?
There are a lot more important things in life to worry about.
Being bald saves time, money, nasty shower drain blockage.
3
Men should know that baldness does not bother the vast majority of women.
28
The art of losing hair isn't hard to master!
5
This letter of recommendation could have been a lot more full-throated. Sure, I was unhappy to start balding in my 20s, and the author is absolutely right about the value of that early lesson against vanity. But now I actively love being bald. If you accept it, it simply does not look worse than a full head of hair! And it's wonderful to be liberated from maintaining or even thinking about a hairstyle.
3
I find older men with full heads of hair and no beard to resemble old women, especially if they wear it longish. Think of the aging Edward Kennedy’s uncanny resemblance to his mother Rose in this regard.
I am glad the author came to peace with his genetic inheritance. Even John Travolta has finally realized that bald and bearded is beautiful.
9
What do we think is meant by a “phenotypic dustbin”?
1
@Marc That individual will not reproduce. The phenotype is the gene that is an obvious physical feature.
I hate to say it, but I find this piece shallow at best. Try going bald from chemotherapy after a life-threatening cancer diagnosis.
19
@Bokmal Completely different story, which I sympathize with.
1
I never thought it'd happen to me but it did. I was once a hair stylists model who told me
my hair would never leave me! However it did. Do you know I don't like it & would rather my hair back but I kind of don't think I look that bad and like Stephen (above) have learnt to put up with it and accept & move on. My thoughts....
I am a woman and I always had thin, soft, wavy hair. My dad used to call me a “bald kid” when I was growing up. What are you combing, she’s got no hair – he would say to my mom. Or, we don’t need shampoo for her, we can save money. It was a huge joke to him as he had a luxurious mane right up to his 80s. I think I was secretly proud of being hairless, I imagined it was a sign of sophistication. Only animals had thick hair. Now he has passed away and I would have him back in a heartbeat, along with his hair jokes at my expense.
4
Many of my bald friends and family members have shaved their heads, except for our president, who insists on wearing the most ridiculous comb over of all time. A man with a shaved head can be sexy and attractive. Just look at Jamie Foxx, Michael Jordan, the Rock, and Sean Connery, to name a few.
14
I started going bald in college, and I am now at 76 mostly bald on the top. At first it bothered me a little, partly because I was aware that some women just didn't go for bald men. But now, it doesn't bother me at all. I've never been tempted to wear a wig or dye my hair. What would really bother me would to get fat-- boy, would I hate that!
10
Chemotherapy left me bald at 73. Awful. My hair grew back, sort of. Then the follow-up drug, anastrozole, turned my hair into hay--in color and texture. Grieving the loss of your thick, pretty hair is a real thing! Only cute earrings have kept me going.
14
No matter how you slice it - going bald is not easy to endure. One can shave it, trim it, cap it, transplant it, comb-over it, powder hair it, toupee it, minoxidil it or tatoo it. However whatever makes each man the most content is what's best for him.
8
The only person who ever told me I looked bad when I started to lose my hair was myself.
19
I was told that if you lose your hair at the temples it means you’re a great thinker and if you lose your hair on the crown it means you’re a great lover. And if you lose your hair on both the crown and temples it means you think you’re a great lover. Sorry...old joke from a bald guy.
15
I see a lot of guys just shave it all off- Do many people think that looks better than having a fringe of hair?
1
Honestly, most women do not
judge baldness in a negative
manner. It is kindness, intelligence
and soul that attracts us to a man.
30
@Karen
"kindness, intelligence
and soul "
"most women"?
Not in my experience of the difference Karen. And I say that with much sadness. As a younger, fit, sometimes distant, often reckless, stand-offish and not very empathic or affectionate, but reasonably attractive man - I didn't have to worry much about having, or keeping, the loyal company of women.
A couple decades and lots of hard knocks and life experience later, women I used to date would say "you seem much nicer now than you used to be"...
I purposely changed after losing someone dear. But guess what?
Contrary to the misleading romantic/idealistic notions we are taught when growing up "nice" versus handsome... pretty... confident... mischievous (dangerous even)... and so on, is seldom any competition. Most men learn that quite early on. And I can confirm it.
Oh sure, in a few years I still joined up with a couple of very radiant women, briefly. But in general I was aware that 'Mr Nice' attracted much less interest and loyalty than his earlier persona. QED as far as I'm concerned. Sadly. Okay, there are always exceptions. But - evolution and all that. \_(シ)_/
"Any sensible individual, at this point, would’ve taken control of fate and promptly shaved his head. Instead, I became an unfortunate disciple of illusion-styling, at times looking like the freakish love-child of Bernie Sanders and Frasier Crane. "
The author omitted the icon, Senator Carl Levin of Michigan. Now, I am not a detractor of Senator Levin, but visually he almost is the prototype for Berkeley Breathed's character, "Senator Lucias Bedfellow" of the cartoon strip, "Bloom County."
The piece is hilariously written, save for the knowledge and personal experience of being "different" in high school. It's amazing the author has such a sense of humor about it.
6
As a 25 years old that has started loosing hair at 17 I can only thank you for sharing your experience; I live across the country from my family and when I came home last week to spend the holidays with them the first thing I heard from relatives was "Oh, how bald you're!!". It is affecting my self esteem and I'm seriously thinking about saving money to get a hair transplant. Until then I'll keep my finasteride + minoxidil combo.
2
To my disbelief and horror my older sister was right when she told me I was losing my hair in my early 20s. It took another decade or so before a buzz cut was my only sensible tonsorial choice. My advice: get over it! – save your money and man up to your genes. Otherwise you might end up with a Giuliani comb over, or a Trump cotton candy coif. Not a good look for sane people.
23
Hilarious! Thank you for making me laugh! As a former hippie I beg my son to let his hair grow! I can’t understand why millennials want to have super-short haircuts!
4
Therein lies the true national emergency, the communal receding of the northern border!
6
Every bald headed individual I have ever known (and I have known many) has been wise beyond their years. Most of these individuals have been cancer survivors. Presently, my brother is in that camp. Since his chemo treatments began last autumn for his colon cancer, he has been coming up with the coolest, smartest, and wisest perils of wisdom, mostly about his life and the importance of hanging tough and staying positive.
The other bald headed men I have known have been the sexist, sweetest, and funniest guys I ever knew.
I realize that hair is a big deal for most people, but it's just hair. There are far worse things in life than hair loss.
12
I can relate to the author, I too started losing my hair in my freshman year in college. After college, at the ripe old age of 22, a new "miracle product" was approved by the FDA, Finasteride!
I immediately found an MD who would prescribe it to me and have been able to maintain the hair I had when I was 22.
I do have to wonder all of these years later, why do I still take it? Why do I care what my hair looks like? It is still expensive and what could I have done with all of the money that I spent on a product to maintain my appearance? I am still single, still poor, nothing has changed. Even the fear of losing my hair remains.
Would I have been better off to just let it all fall out and not to have worried about it at all? All of the money saved, including all of the money on shampoo! Let it go guys, it's not worth it!!
8
I’m at the point , 68 yrs old , that being bald has turned into a gift . Who could be bothered with hair styling , hour long captivity in a barber shop waiting for a hair cut , $60 haircuts at minimum in Brooklyn where I live and now to top it all off hair dyeing ! Come on !!! The guy across the street with long hair used to change his hair style multiple times a day ! Really ? Thank god I don’t have to do that . I go in the back yard with a decent hair trimmer/clipper I bought and in less than 5 minutes I’m able to continue on with my life .
5
I noticed my son was going bald when he was 17. He was shearing it close and that almost made it more apparent. He grew in a meticulously groomed very thick beard then too.
He had the most beautiful blonde head at 13. He was always an angelic child.
His hair went dark first. I loved the red in his beard as it grew in. His grandpa's and dad and uncles were all follicly challenged at older ages. Slow 20s to mid fortyish. So I knew it would be. Just not so young. He is also smaller than his friends. Even his Dad is 6 inches taller. He has the most beautiful eyes. They have a twinkle in them. He is a great cook, scholar, photographer, musician, friend, son etc. He is a blessing.
His Dad went through an epic midlife crisis that caused a great deal of pain and financial loss. His hair disappearing had much to do with it. I think my son is a way better-adjusted self-confident person than his father is.
I have also noticed that many of the happiest people and most well-adjusted are not so-called beauties. Extra pounds, blemishes, too short, too tall, 4 eyes...but they have loving spouses, great friends, warm homes, comfortable careers. And they smile. It's not all about them.
Narcissists never smile. They are not very genuinely affectionate. They don't particularly age well.
28
For those of us who are( or were ) redheads the biggest problem with baldness was sunburn in the summer and freezing in the winter cold. The only option was wearing a hat at all times when outdoors.... When I was young I considered a toupee but I have never seen one on a man that was not obvious and phony looking.... In spite of my early baldness I always had beautiful girlfriends, including my wife of almost 53 years.
14
@Aaron Adams
Its not just redheads. The worst is cold drips from an eave. I also get a lot of compliments on my hats.
1
My husband and his brother are bald, and it started in college, but their father, and my father and brother were not, so I kept my fingers crossed. This Xmas I learned my 23 year old son is using minoxidil, and my husband is buying it for him. I'm so sad.
2
It could be worse.
4
It could be better too!
4
@Deborah Klein, My former husband started losing his hair when he was about your son's age in the early 1970s. I told him truthfully that him he looked much better with a bare top of his head. It went just right with his neatly trimmed beard and in fact made him appear somewhat older which at that age is actually a professional and social advantage. Please don't be sad about your son's hair loss. There must be some reason you find your husband attractive, eh?
1
My father was bald and all of my uncles on my mother's side. She would kid me as a child that I would be bald as well. However, it had no effect on me. All of the men I looked up to were bald. And looking back many of the best mentors I had were equally afflicted. Therefore when I started losing my own hair when I was in my 20's I took it in stride. Proof that I was becoming a man.
And to be honest, the romance department has always been rich for me. Probably more to do with my confidence than my lack of hair. I never cared about the hair, and none of the women in my life, including my beautiful bride of 29 years did either.
I have no doubt that baldness and its acceptance is a sign of wisdom.
25
@Warm Me Up, my Granny patted my husband's bald pate and said, "Don't worry, brains don't grow on a busy street."
2
As a 10 year old my barbers complained that my hair was too thick and would attack it with thinning shears - a process I hated. As a 22 year old, just being released from the Army, there were signs that I was losing my hair, and I blamed it on the webbing of the helmet liner, but I could look at my Uncle and Grandfather and guess what was coming. Through my 20's, I would be told about the growing bald spot on the back of my head, but I couldn't see it in the mirror, so I was really bothered. In my 30's, the receding hairline became visible in the mirror, so I grew a beard to compensate. That was the 1970's when there were not many beards, I seemed and claim to have started a trend, for there a now many beards, even among young men with full heads of hair.
7
In '61 I entered college already going bald. I was too young to have a good emotional perspective on it but old enough not to be thrown off balance. I had been told by a doctor that there was nothing that could be done. Freshman year I slept wearing a hat in an attempt to cut my losses. In any event, it's impossible to tell whether balding cost me fantastic romantic opportunities or brought me fantastic romantic opportunities. At this point, at 74 and settled in a romantic opportunity that has lasted for 20+ years, the only issue is that my lovely lady worries about going bald herself. Frankly, I'm more concerned with the government shut down than my shut down which has been going on, bit by bit since before college. I always wanted to be better looking, but possibly that's just false modesty and, besides, nobody I want to care about is looking at me that way now and I think that was always the case.
13
Sad to say, going bald for me was the equivalent of losing a limb.
At sixty eight years old, having hair would make little difference now, since trying on a hairpiece a few years ago, I still looked old.
Acceptance is the only cure.
35
@Stephen Certainly not a comb-over...
5