Two Hands Touching (THT) and EZ Deletion Sequence (EZDS) can help with stress, anxiety, depression, ADHD, PTSD, trauma, clear the mind of negative thoughts, access instant deep meditation or instant deep relaxation, etc... You can learn them free at twohandstouching.wordpress.com and facebook.com/twohandstouching. I hope it helps you and everyone who needs it.
I guess it was Emily Dickinson who said: Love is all there is.
She said it best...my two daughters and my two little boys, troublemakers grandkids is all the Love there is.
Feeling pretty happy, even I'm a real news junkie.
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How to be happy:
-stay married
-eat well
-some exercise
-maintain good relations with your children
-keep working, even PT
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Above all, avoid the news in any shape or form. It will destroy any faith you had left in humanity.
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@John Ayres - I agree with you partly; but when I do hear news that is troubling, it reminds me that we have a choice about having faith in humanity. I have been troubled to the core about certain contingents of humanity. But I know for a fact that even with all the troubling hate and greed we hear about, there is a large percentage of humanity out there (and in my own life) who care deeply about making the world the best it can possibly be. And I need that awareness in order to be fulfilled.
I'm old. I'll probably die soon.
Think I'll spend some time at funeral homes and grave yards finding out what makes dead people happy.
That should help.
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Happiness?
E waste your tv.
Limit or delete social media.
Volunteer locally.
Express you gratitude to those you love and to helpful people you meet throughout the day.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Be kind.
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@CC Nailed it!
I want to be happy but I don't know how.
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@sharon5101 don't read online comments. That's a good first step.
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@sharon5101
See CC, above. That's pretty much all we need to do! Try it...you'll be happy. I promise.
Well put, CC.
Setting out deliberately to try to 'be happy' isn't how happiness comes. Feeling happy is a by-product of thoughts and actions.
Today was the first sunny warm day for weeks. I spent most of it emptying flower pots on the balcony, and then vacuuming dust bunnies, and then visiting my 99 year-old mother...I've felt extremely happy all day, despite dire developments in my health.
Perhaps because today two ideas floated up from somewhere in my mind. Appreciating that one is connected - to family, friends, neighbours - is important. And that there's nothing ordinary about ordinary, everyday life.
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@Oriole Maybe it's our age and what we have learned along the way. Regardless, you hit the nail on the head.
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@Oriole help others
How I intend to be happier:
Stop listening to other people telling me what I should do to be happy.
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I guess I'm not particularly interested in happiness. I'm interested in living my life, doing things I find rewarding, learning, improving, doing good in the world, feeling okay. Not that I want to be miserable, but happiness just isn't an emotion that makes sense to me.
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Your most important asset is your mind. Use it. Know what interests you and learn more. Absorbtion in a subject is the greatest joy, or flow. Learn what is happening in the world, and what you think about it. Sitting quietly regularly and thinking is immensely satisfying. If your mind is active, you will never be bored. Happiness comes from within, not from outside.
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Be present.
Let the past go and recognize that the future doesn't exist.
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Happiness is not to be searched for, rather comes, as we go about our lives being kind and doing good.
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Get into nature. Find some sunlight. Look at something beautiful.
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Start each morning writing down 3 or 4 things you're grateful for. No matter how you feel this helps shifts one's perspective. Look for opportunities to serve someone else...unconditionally, e.g. smile at the cranky checkout clerk.
I turn 80 this year and started two new, successful business the last few years. Each day is a treasure and yes there have been loads of obstacles but love, forgiveness and gratitude go a long way.
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@Patricia
You're so inspiring!
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How about disconnect from the daily, depressing drum beat of the news? If you think that 2019 is going to get any better, you need a reality check, as in right now.
Instead learn something new, how to bake your own organic bread, improve your tennis game, discover exciting hikes in the woods and hills nearby, volunteer at a nursery home, and for heaven's sake leave that smartphone alone.
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@Dauphin
Disconnect indeed. I now briefly skim the Homepage of the NYTs before moving on to other sections. The "news" stories are actually a collection of everything they can think of that day to make the good liberal feel outraged, depressed or guilty. Seriously, it's a very dark world view these gate keepers hold. Look around you in your everyday life. There's good there. The world isn't falling apart.
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Read Nietzsche. Seriously. The Walter Kaufmann translations. "On the Genealogy of Morals" and "Beyond Good and Evil" are my recommended places to start. (And don't believe all the nonsense you may have heard about him. A good biography, such as Hollingdale's or Safranski's, will clarify all that.) - And Happy New Year!
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Having enough money to pay your bills and being mortgage free is the ultimate in happiness in old age! Owning your own home is worth the years of paying off your mortgage when old. Just enjoy what you have and read the Desiderata. It's the simple things in life that make you happy and being assertive and putting yourself first.
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@CK There also comes a time when owning your own home is a burden. When my late husband developed vascular dementia, we sold our home,, put the money from the sale plus some savings into an annuity, and moved to an independent living retirement community in the city where our children lived. The kids told us they didn't want to be stuck with the problem of selling a condo in a city where condos are overbuilt. After my husband died, I no longer needed all the features of a community and moved to a cheaper apartment that caters to seniors. When the time comes for me to go to assisted living or memory care, I will--although I do hope I die quickly as my husband did--of a stroke or heart attack. Don't we all!
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@CK
We did the same but went a step further, selling the house (getting the burdens of home ownership off our shoulders) and moving from the isolation of the country to a downtown apartment in the center of a vibrant small city.
Pure bliss.
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A fifth way I'll be happier is if Mueller issues a warrant for D. Trump's arrest. That would put a big, happy smile on my face.
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It is time for WE THE PEOPLE to stop trying to be "happier" and to start doing the hard work of creating the kind of world we want to live in.
Busy hands and minds are happy hands and minds. For our New Year's resolution WE must decide to find the one thing we value most about our privileged life in OUR United States of America and fight like hell to save it.
That is where satisfaction lies. Stop moaning about being unhappy, get up and do something positive. It's the very best "medicine".
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Note: not a single respondent defined happiness! All assumed that we all agree on what happiness is, but this is not the case. Happiness is different things to different people at different times in their lives and in different circumstances. What makes one happy as a child may not make one happy as an adult, much less as an old person. St. Paul knew this!
A major problem with the pursuit of happiness is that we tend to assume that happiness is the same for all and sundry, so we make suggestions based on what works, or has worked for us, which may not work for others at all. This is also the problem with research on happiness: most researchers assume that there is just one definition of happiness, and they do samplings based on that assumption, but their results are not generalizable because the defining assumption was not valid. But the happiness of a monk is different from that of a football player or a space engineer, and the happiness that St. Augustine wrote about is different from the one Epicurus memorialized. In an abstract, general way, happiness is the result of the equation of satisfaction over desires; but as desires vary, so does their satisfaction vary, too. Thoreau's desires were satisfied at Walden Pond, but mine might not be.
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Although diet and exercise can surely aid the path to happiness, surrounding ourselves with uplifting company is underrated in this regard. Associating with the nattering nabobs of negativism will not only ensure that you are similarly judged by the company you keep, but will accelerate your own downward spiral into the abyss of gloom and doom.
At the risk of politicizing gaiety, I firmly believe the funk in which our country currently finds itself can at least indirectly be attributed to the constant drumbeat of hostility, anger, ugliness and negativity emanating from the current occupant of the Oval Office. Why, in today’s issue of this very periodical alone are annotated the, count ‘em, 551 people, places and things Individual-1 has insulted.
Moreover, look at the countries that are perennially listed as the happiest in the world—Switzerland, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Norway, New Zealand. What do they all have in common? Yes, they are all socialist, having long ago had most of their “social ills” addressed and dispatched but, as a partial result, they are also more social, their well-being having been unburdened by the cares and woes that hamstring those if us who are on the receiving end of those aforementioned insults. Happiness is as happiness does, and there certainly is not much of it in a land where the mood is set by the twit of the Twittersphere.
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Get dirt under your fingernails (and toenails, if you can) At 60 years old, I still am in awe of how a tiny seed can produce such beauty and deliciousness. Being out in nature, reminds me that I am a mere speck in the grand scheme and I enjoy being humbled by knowing this. I am constantly in a state of learning and at the end of the day, I am happily tired.
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@theconstantgardener
Thank you. In the middlin’ dark of winter, I needed to be reminded.
Happy Planting Season.
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Great advice, especially the exercise piece. That alone can do more to effect positive mood change than most other items.
To the NY Times Editorial Staff and to all the readers who take the time to write comments, I wish you all a safe and happy new year celebration.
One of the best things about 2019 is that it is one year closer to the general election. Voting Trump out will do wonders for MY happiness!
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@Len The world would be overjoyed if Trump and All republicans are voted out of office in 2020. It would also be great if 'Nationalists Demagogues' around the world were also voted out of office.
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Exercise clears your mine for creative thinking, spending time with family and friends provides for mindfulness, eating good food fuels the body.
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Learn to play an instrument. Any instrument. The joy is more in the journey of learning than the destination of mastery.
Do it.
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@Guitar Man And don't forget that your voice is also an instrument. Sing!
I’ve found that happiness can be contagious. Spend a little time with children; watching them laugh, create, observe and learn. Their innocence will inspire you and their honesty will make you cringe! But they’ll remind you that life is too precious to waste on being “unhappy”. Their presence will make you turn away from the “news” and focus on being present with them. There’s far too much HAPPY waiting for everyone. You have to want it, anticipate it, and then notice it! “Happy” New Year!
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I wd also add to exercise your mind and keep learning. Read books. Watch PBS TV. Listen to NPR, etc.
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Understanding yourself and your emotions is the key to peace of mind. You need to know the sources of your problem. Is it distorted thinking? Is it real past or present negative events? How do you assess your life? You may have just cause for complaint; but you need nonetheless to analyze it and understand how it still affects you.
In short, know thyself.
Simply trying to force a new mind-set upon yourself is not only time-wasting, but harmful: You're running roughshod over facts, feelings, and learned behaviors that may serve a useful purpose.
It may take many years to come to the point of understanding yourself where you are completely free, but even a little understanding, I find, is helpful.
In the end zone of life, I think you become like Socrates of whom it could be said that he acted as if nothing in the affairs of man is worth worrying about, because you don't know anything important like the future, which includes death and any possible afterlife.
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Adopt a rescue dog.
Buddy is still soldiering on at 16. We visit shut-ins and hospice patients. He’s on a mission. I follow happily along at the end of the leash.
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Learn new things. Discovery - the great "wow!" - is a most potent and happiness-inducing drug.
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Another way: Stop reading the marriage sections in NYT because they are 90% all under 40 ( understandably) but as someone over 40 ( not desperate to be married but I do believe and want romantic love in my life) , I feel more discouraged for myself when I read the stories ( even though I am feeling happy for the couples.) I guess basically I am saying to not compare my life with other people and not let age/society dictate my own path.
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@Rebecca S.
Rebecca,
Never let age dictate your willingness and hopes for finding someone. My wife and I married for the first time in our late forties and early fifties, have two wonderful boys, and are living the time of our lives. Never lose heart in your heart.....best wishes.
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I'm 54. I think many years ago, I'd stay 30 forever. I've grown happier as I've aged in my simple realization that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I enjoy the simple things in life more everyday. Great food along with conversation, books, and music have brought a more fulfilling experience this stress we endure called life. My week in the French Quarter of New Orleans last week was a stunning wake to enjoy these simple things. Altruism. Live it.
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Free yourself of the focus on regrets or disappointments of the past. Cherish the moment. Stay present in the here and now.
Reach out to old friends. Make new ones.
Keep your surroundings neat and orderly. Notepads to jot down thoughts.Break free of negativity from those who seem to live in it. Limit those contacts if you can.
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Ignore the toxicity of politics and live your own life.
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@R. R.
It is a privilege to be able to ignore politics. But if you are: a woman, poor, person of color, environmentalist? You have no choice but to be aware of politics.
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apply the KonMari method to relationships; respect, then move on from those which no longer bring you joy.
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Inverse law of happiness according to me: the more you think about yourself the less happy you are.
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Stop reading articles on Trump. This should be number one.
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@Kevin Jones ...and might I add, while reading NYT you can use small things on your computer screen to cover his face. (I use FaceTime - it's about 4x5".)
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Find a 12 step program in your city for whatever struggles you have with emotional eating, overspending, alcohol, or drugs. It's free therapy, emotionally, physically, and spiritually based. I feel happy when I am connected to others who really understand me and my struggles and not only my relationship to food has been but also my entire life!
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Tara Parker-Pope does not know the research on well-being. If she did, she would never say, "happiness isn’t something that just happens to you." Over and over, researchers on subjective well-being determine that happiness is indeed to a great degree "hard- wired." They discuss things like "hedonic range" to account for the fact that usually, we revert back to a certain level of happiness even after good or bad fortune.
In fact, happiness is very hard to change via our own thoughts and actions because we are often up against the very strong forces of human nature which set it at a certain level.
So for instance, if some older people seem to bounce back amazingly well after health scares and other setbacks, it may not be because they have achieved some great wisdom. It is more likely because they have always been that way. The same goes for their counterparts who sink into depression at similar turning points.
Although it is good to acknowledge the role of our own agency in improving our degree of happiness, it is irresponsible and ignorant to tell people that a substantial change in happiness is on offer if only they would do x, y, or z. Such actions may help to a degree but the hard wired forces of human nature should not be under-estimated.
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@K
That was the state of scientific research ... two decades ago.
Since then, the hypothesis of a hard-wired happiness "set point" that you're born with and that stays the same for the rest of your life, no matter what you do or think, has been completely refuted by lots of neurological studies.
It has now been proven beyond any doubt that there is no such a set point, and that happiness is a skill, which is highly trainable.
And the same goes for resilience (the capacity to bounce back quickly after a setback, and which is not to be confused with happiness, as you seem to do here).
A good start is Chade-Meng Tan's "Joy on demand.", which summarizes most of those studies, and shows in very clear and understandable ways how ANYBODY can become happier and even fully happy, through certain specific practices.
Have a nice day! :-)
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@K
I myself have had the great fortune of becoming a happier person after many years of hard work in therapy. I also learned and practiced healthier ways of thinking and acting using the 12 Steps.
It was not an easy journey. The damaging myrhs we learn about ourselves and other people and the defenses we develop in response are powerful and persistent. They become the basis of our identity and therefore are difficult to dislodge.
But make a deep commitment to yourself to
find a loving but demanding therapist and peer group to help you re-experience yourself and learn new skills. It is a magnificent possibility.
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@Ana Luisa; @K. good points both of you. FYI to anyone interested the book Ana recommended is free for Kindle if you have Amazon Prime. Thanks for the suggestion Ana!
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Laugh Out Loud ! Preferably with lots of others and often.
Modern medicine shows that our brains are awash with a drug our body makes called dopamine -- virtually identical to heroin when it hits our brains. Really good form of addiction that can be shared safely all the time!
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Earlier this reader came across a scribble forgotten, 'We are the source of our own prosperity'. Some of us, genetically, are born with a disposition toward happiness; others are adept at finding a comfortable balance in this business of living, and there are those of us who are at peace with sorrow. It takes a bit of everyone to make this world we live in, while the philosophy that we are here to suffer appears to be recycling.
'Whatever makes you happy' is a lifetime refrain from an acquaintance who has spent years as a humanitarian relief officer in dangerous, war-torn zones. Open to interpretation, one might venture that a lot hinges on the choices we make.
If surrounded by 'The Power of Positive People', its effects are beneficial, while bringing to mind 'To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long friendship', as quipped by Oscar Wilde, a great wit who died tragically.
Listen to Old Age, and understand how it is feeling. Not all elderly people are wise; not all the young, in their first bloom, are radiant.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons rites and rituals are important when they unite all ages.
Wishing All and Sundry a Healthy and Hearty New Year, without hoping for Utopia.
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@Miss Ley Unfortunately, not a good mantra for life. The proof could be our president who thinks he is the source of his own prosperity, not the father who gave him millions, and the many whose loans he did not repay.
On the other hand, we may be the source of our own happiness, one proof being the self-same empty-vessel president who is incapable of finding his own happiness, but constantly, relentlessly, and fruitlessly seeks it from others.
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@soozzie
You might read, and seriously consider, the contribution of Mr. Jones (above!)
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@larry lemaster That is excellent advice. I've tried to stop reading about He Who Shall Not Be Named several times. Personally, it is better for my mental health to keep abreast of developments so that I know my enemy. For me, being well-informed is better than my overactive imagination.
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Be good. Good people are happy.
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@Vanessa Hall From the words of E.T.!
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@Vanessa Hall
This is so simplistic and naive, I'm sorry.
Depression and/or anxiety can occur in people who are kind, conscientious, and empathic.
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Get off social media. Study something to improve your mind. Cook a meal for someone who is sick or stressed. Spend more time walking outside, preferably around trees. Don't waste time listening to people who can only talk about doom. It's simple. It works.
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@DW
Well said. After I fully retired, and like most, worked through some bucket list items, I ended up with more time on my hands. I always wanted to be fully informed of geo politics , and world events. Turns out for me, that was an error. Even having chosen so called good sources, I found the media for starters, is depressing. They have chosen a model of doom, gloom, and hype. People are simply just not like their characterizations. I shut the boob tube off, read more books, listen to music, exercise, and socialize with my friends, who are all simply good people, doing good things.
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Any outdoor activities with your loved ones is a great way to connect and get that little bit of exercise, after a while it becomes a routine. Stay connected with people who can encourage you not who put pressure on you, stay away from negative folks. Make a conscious and genuine effort to spend time with older folks, you will be surprised with the wisdom they have to share ( experience is past failures).
Do something to others without any expectations, you get so much by giving.
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