I feel like the insistence that “age is a mindset” and “one needn’t ever become old” etc is just more evidence and expression of our culture’s terror of aging and deep set bias against aging and old people and the whole concept of “old.”
I’m almost fifty and I hope to remain strong, active, healthy, curious about the world and evolving as a person for many years to come. But dude, I can be all those things and still be OLD! Old IS a number, it turns out—by definition, it means I’m higher up in the numbers of years I’ve lived relative to the average natural human lifespan. That’s all.
Let’s please stop using “old” as a synonym for “stagnant,” “depressed and withdrawn,” “closed to new concepts and experiences.” And let’s stop speaking as if the things that eventually happen to our bodies—physical weakness and frailty and being close to death—are things to feel ashamed of. Yes, many people do become critical, close-minded, depressed, angry, withdrawn as they age, but this is more a reflection of our societal ills, not a biological result of aging. Of course it is scary to look down the barrel at the end of our life, but it’s natural for our bodies to slow down at some point and our minds to turn inward. There’s nothing wrong with it, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to fight.
“Old” isn’t bad and it isn’t anything other than having been alive a long time. There are a million ways to be old. It’s okay.
8
My body is old and keeps asking for more attention, but the more attention I give my spirit - at times I feel as innocent as a child.
4
What a great article! One comment, though. Cancer doesn’t mean you are old. Anyone at any age can get a dire diagnosis. It might age you and the chances increase with age, but there are plenty of other things that might get your first. Cancer isn’t a disease of the old. It is just a disease.
1
I’m an active, working 60 year old woman. I work 12 hour shifts with a demanding physical and emotional job. It’s hard, but it keeps me going. I work with 24 year olds that never stop complaining, are on their phones constantly and always tired. Sometimes I get tired at work but I persevere. Age is a mindset. Life is a gift.
4
The older I get (45, currently) the more I realize that we're all still just little children trapped in aging bodies undergoing the simple process of entropy. My grandmother is 86 and still gets giddy over a fresh cake. I see her inner child in those moments. I wish I'd known this sooner; I might have been less serious/ambitious. It's true that youth is wasted on the young.
6
At 87 I'm beginning to suspect I may be old.
7
While its difficult to define "old", I know it when I see it.
1
Last year at age 75 I donned my baseball cap and sunglasses and set out on my 1 1/2 mile daily brisk walk around the neighborhood. Approaching me on his bike was a little boy, no older than five, trailed by his grandfather who was trying to keep up. As the little boy whizzed past me he said “you’re an old lady”. It wasn’t said in a mean way, just an innocent observation. I let out a giggle and when his grandfather approached I asked him, still chuckling, if he had heard what his grandson had said. When I told him that his grandson had told me I was an “old lady” he apologized and said he would speak to him. I said “Please don’t. I am an old lady!” Out of the mouths of babes.
2
At 70 I call myself old. I am clearly no longer middle age, so what other age category do I fit into? But I still am quite active, swimming in water others find too cold, walking and running in the woods, singing with a large choral group, serving on my church council and volunteering around town. I am lucky to be in great health.
I know things because I have been around so long. I find that my ability to think deeply remains and that all the things I have read and experienced give broad nuance to my reflections. My age has definitely given me better insight.
So I embrace old. I am fortunate in my genes--my body does not seem as shopworn as some my age, but there are many like me. The problem with ageism is that it keeps us from celebrating the value of being old and recognizing the great gift it can be.
10
As someone in her 50s, and born in the first year of Gen X, I'd say anyone approaching 80 is "old." But I've seen a lot of "old" among millenials who have never had an appreciation for living life off the couch and away from their Netflix, their Pinterest and their phones. Old is a lifestyle, not a number. It's so sad to see millenials skipping the lifestyle that makes a young person, and not doing the things that Gen X enjoyed i.e. dancing in clubs until 3am or hosting parties for all of their friends on a regular basis. Millenials are old at 35.
2
At 66, I don't feel old, but I don't feel "young" either. I try not to label myself, but I find that others - younger- do. I have accepted that there are things I just can't do anymore - at least not the extent that I used to, and that's okay.
Age is a mindset and perception that alters as we ourselves age and as social constructs evolve.
But dude let's be realistic: those of us who turn 50 this year are not Baby Boomers. We are Gen X, and we are awesome!
Why are people so afraid of becoming "old"? They should embrace it! I remember my youth years with dread. Financial insecurity, professional insecurity, behaviour insecurity were common. And everybody can have health issues at any age. Becoming older does not always mean you get wiser, but you can at least try to learn from what you experienced before. Everybody has only his/her own life to learn from. Indeed, anyone can waste time and not learn as well as become an intolerable and intolerant adult. Or you can do what only wisdom and time allow you to become. Youth can and should be beautiful. And older can also be bitter although it shouldn't. However, only time and old age may add wisdom to the beautifulness of life.
1
Robert Redford has a nuanced opinion on aging which is subtle and inspiring.
He said, I don't think about "getting old," I think of it as just continuing.
2
@Paul - Or, as Sam Elliott (age 77) is reputed to have said: "I'm just outliving the warranty."
3
At 72, I have developed back problems which are making it difficult to do all the physical things I love. I can do them, but at great cost in pain. This has made me feel sort of old for the first time. I've scheduled an appointment to see about getting my back 'fixed'. Hopefully it can get better so I can be young again.
Old is not a word I use to describe me at age 78. I suggest "chronologically mature" combined with a failure to grow up. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, ski, cook even after a quadruple bypass a year ago. It has a lot to do with your mind and ego. I always look at the sedentary 40, 50, and 60-year-olds and smile. Besides, my mother is 101 on her way to 102.
5
I love this. It is true that discrimination against older people is rampant. If you are female or a person of color, then it becomes even worse. Add on top of that if you have a disability such as a hearing impairment, then you are really discounted. We have to stand up for ourselves because no one will do it for us.
8
I’m a Boomer, whenever I am asked my age the answer is always 12.
3
I'm 69 and consider myself "old". So what? As my mom used to say before she died at age 90, "It beats the alternative".
I have no concerns about dying, and really don't understand those who do. Why waste your time dwelling on the inevitable? Isn't life short enough without shortening it further by engaging in worthless self-induced stress?
My wife and I live in a huge house consisting of 3 stories with an equally huge yard that requires huge amount of maintenance, which I do entirely by myself. Wow, three "huges" in one sentence, I must be slipping. That's something else I don't worry about.
Living your life without dwelling on regret is vital. Not anticipating disaster and not celebrating past disasters by remembering their anniversary is another. Move on, live in the moment.
We are selling our hugeness and relocating to a +65 development where they take care of all the things I do now. Buying our current lake home at retirement was just another adventure, and this new one will simply be one more.
Stagnation is to be avoided. Be bold, not old.
12
Life expectancy increases and what defines "old" have income and class-defined aspects. Someone making over $100,000 a year with better food, better healthcare access and a less stress s gong to age better than working stiffs without good medical access, working swing-shift schedules and plagued by stress. For most of us, life expectancy has not changed.
10
My mother died “young” at 58, nine years older than I am now. If I am destined for the same fate I do not have a lot of time left. That makes me feel “old.”
Another thing that makes me feel old is playing sports against people who are 20 years younger, which I did just this past weekend. I just can’t keep up like I did 20 years ago. Alas, my sport is women’s ice hockey, and there aren’t enough women for a 45 league or tournament division most of the time.
Onward, with grace and courage…
14
Getting and feeling old is all in your head...eat healthy, do some exercise, work on your core and balance issues, and old will only catch up with you at an older age than you would expect.
After a certain age although one feels young stop looking in mirrors because that can make you feel old!!
Or install Hollywood lighting to flatten out the wrinkles :-)
3
@Karena Bakic This is the fallacy that we have control over our lives. Of course it's better to eat healthy, exercise and engage with new ideas. However, disability and illness can strike anyone, no matter how well you care for yourself.
Embrace aging. The gifts of aging -- greater wisdom, more detachment, focusing on what's important in life -- generally outweigh the price of wrinkles, reduced mobility, less mental acuity, and getting fat. So I say look in mirrors, recognize all the insights and knowledge you have gained from life experience.
4
We get these ridiculous lectures from the rich and privileged about not growing old. Rich people don't get old because everyone does everything for them; in that respect, they are perpetual children, demanding care from others. The rest of us grownups have to do the caring, so we get tired. I've been old for a long time and haven't reached 60. Illness and disability will make you old before your time, so will an accident. I've been ready to retire and even die for a long time, which is fine. One young person dying is a tragedy; old people dying is just nature taking its course. Decay and death are inevitable steps in the march of time. There is something wrong with the fact that our society won't accept that.
14
It’s the cabinet full of drugs that I now take to mitigate the side effects of chemo & immunotherapy for stage 4 lung cancer that has me quite aware that I have aged exponentially since May 6th, 2021. Sixty-two should not feel like this and I should be riding my bike thinking of retirement instead of trying to get 80 oz of fluids in along with my drugs every day.
6
For me here's the key to surviving this experience we call Life and the sense of expanded time we interpret as Aging. Old is a state of mind, nothing more.
I have known a few sub-20 year old's who act as if they're carrying the weight of a lifetime on their backs. We call them "Old Souls." I've also know some teenage 80 year old's. Those we call Crazy.
But hey, whatever helps you along the way, it's all good isn't it? Do everything you love and which keeps you going. Enjoy the time alive, because the longer I live the more I appreciate how brief the time truly is.
John~
American Net'Zen
7
“ma’am instead of “miss- I slipped and fell on a college campus where I had returned to finish my degree. Another student came up and asked if I were OK and called me ma'am. I was 30 at the time and still getting carded when I went out . So I guess old is 30.
8
I am 62 years old and in excellent health, according to my doctor anyway. I am fit, active, and I work hard to stay culturally literate. All my vital stats are where they should be. I am also old. I can not do any physical thing the way that I used to do and I require more recovery time between activities. Because I am old. And I am getting older every day, exponentially it seems.
Age is not a number. Age is a process. I live with this process every precious minute of every precious day. But why do so many others - especially in America - live by the absurd delusion that they will remain forever young and that the aging process is somehow just a matter of "attitude?"
Why not just embrace being old and prepare for it sensibly, realistically, and without the denial and the foolish daytime television sense of "positivism" that tells people that their very real perceptions of aging are all in their head? Maybe then people will actually be able to appreciate their own mortality, the limitations of time, the limitations of their bodies, and the actual cycles of aging, along with all of the value that comes with their lived experience.
Just because you are old doesn't mean you're obsolete. But please, let's not pretend that the aging process is just a number. It's a genuine part of life and we all go through it, if we're lucky enough.
23
I a in relatively good health, but I am 92 yars old
But strangely enought, I have this same preconceived idea as young people do : I consider any one over 65 "old"
Isn't that weird ?
13
My grand parents all died in their early sixties. I'm 65 now with an active life (I practice Muay Thai daily, cook, travel, ski, read...). I'll consider myself old when I won't be able to pratice all of the above anymore
1
I was a very young 39. Then an accident turned me into a very old 39.
Youth can conclude at any time, with no warning at all.
25
Yes! I aged at least ten years when I was run over, and I was already growing old. I'd say that at 60 I'm at least 80.
2
My grandmother (born in 1889) always said, "Old doesn't start until you're at least 80." When she hit 80 herself, she said, "OK, *now* I'm 'Old'!" With tongue firmly planted in cheek, as I recall.
4
@Maggie Dee - we guys like to say - we're only as old as the woman we feel ...
1
I find 810 months such a fun age…
2
Consciousness is ageless. Old is simply the effect of gravity on bodies over time.
8
Some people call them decades, I call them my "collected works"
8
I guess I'm one of the oldest "Boomers" around... BTW, are there any "Boomers" in other countries or only the US?
Anyway, being on the leading edge of this generation for my whole life has been interesting... Everywhere I've been the existing infrastructure has been shocked to see so many of us... like no one even looked at the demographics before we arrived. Even now, especially in the US, none of the support systems are ready for us even though they can "see" us coming. The stats are interesting, 10,000 Boomers turn 65 everyday. In our rural area, that's our entire county in 3 days! A few people are starting to realize the impact of this but not many.
So welcome to being "old", it happens to almost everyone.
8
@Taoshum There are baby boomers here in Switzerland, also in England, and I'm sure it is much more widespread than that. The post-war years produced a baby boom in much of the West.
4
I've been identifying as 'old' for a long time since I'm a teacher of young people.
To them, I am old. This means a lot of things. i don't share their perspective. I witnessed history.
Internally, I feel ageless.
Externally, I can see my body aging.
Rationally, I know life is short and that I am mortal.
17
Working at a school or university will make you feel ancient. I could be the grandmother of these kids. Now that I'm a grandmother, I want to retire.
2
@Stephanie Wood Think ahead about what you'll want to do with all that spare time when you retire. I left a college job at 62 years. I'm 73 now, and most days I'm bored to tears. Luckily there is Acorn tv and there are lots of great British, Canadian, Australian, French, and New Zealand tv shows. But perhaps your grandchildren are young and nearby. I enjoyed that at the time. Mine are now high school and college age. Nana doesn't mean much anymore...
The rules change as we age. I have found that it is to my advantage to be aware of the rule changes as they transpire. We can choose to ignore the rule changes but, sooner or later, we WILL receive a rude awakening. For example our balance may be deteriorating. We can ignore this for awhile until we fall and break a femur and experience weeks of sheer pain and months of healing. I find that it is to my advantage to be aware of the rule changes and ....... obey the new rules.
Also, the older we are the faster the rules change.
9
@Frank Perkins - my daily first-thing-before-breakfast 7 minutes exercise starts by balancing on each leg for 30 seconds (while doing arm isometric strength exercises)
to avoid old age slip'n'fall hip fractures which are too often a virtual death sentence for old people
I was friendly with my partner's uncle - a lovely smart energetic old white-haired guy - we enjoyed each other's company - he was smart and erudite
until he slipped on his tile floor and fractured his hip
the next time I saw him he held my hands while crying in pain - it was a terrible transformation from the happy healthy guy I last say
he died a few months later
with my stronger ankle muscles, I have repeatedly twisted my angle on uneven footpaths and recovered without a pause - whereas my partner who does not do my exercises has twice similarly twisted her ankle resulting in painful broken small bones in her foot
so yeah - if you're old, I'll recommend balance on each leg for 30 seconds first thing each morning (while you're brewing your coffee/doing arm exercise/talking on the phone - multitask so it takes no time from your - uh - 'more important' activities - like wasting time staring at a small screen ... ?
7
My mom turned 100 in July. I'm 64. I'm in the best shape I've been since my 20's. I look at folks like Jagger/Richards/Dylan,David Crosby and Neil young, Patti Smith and Chrissy Hynde, and so many more, and realize that age really is just a number. I plan to live until I can't, and never plan to use the word "old" to describe me.
20
Rich and famous people don't age, they have servants and personal trainers and plastic surgeons.
2
You are old when your sprains and strains don't heal quickly on their own. When you curtail your lifestyle to accommodate the limitations of your body. When you see an increasing number of your former classmates dying unexpectedly. When you decide not to worry about a lot of things things because your life-expectancy is now limited and it's no longer your problem to solve. When your main concern in life is the legacy you want to leave behind.
8
The secret to perpetual youth is apparently leveraged buyouts, also known as "vampire capitalism". Anyway,
0-20: Childhood
21-40: Prime adulthood
41-60: Middle aged
61-80: Old
81-100: Doddering
101+: Unicorn
6
I think it’s a shame that being old gets a bad rap, and the writer jumps in with both feet on this. Yes, there are many challenges, but I think it’s more telling to look at attitudes about aging. I’m 71, currently fighting Achilles tendinitis and arthritis. And yet I feel quite young. I’m happy to be this age, and not just because I’ve escaped death so far. I’m braver, more mellow, wiser, and yet somehow feel fresher and freer than I ever have. Let’s talk more about the gifts of aging!
32
I thought 70 was the new 50 until I got osteo arthritis in my hips last year, now I'm old.
5
Gen X ers are in their late 40’s and 50’s !
9
As 7 Seconds screamed on stage of Gen X - "I'm going to stay young until i die die die!!!" I was 13 in the mid-80s when I first saw them. I do regret some tricks I attempted skateboarding then and snowboarding a bit later. 30 broken bones, torn ACLs, and a broken vertebre later! We used to joke around how we would regret it in our old years.
3
@Lupis Yonderboy reminds me of a work colleague friend
who played hockey throughout her youth
and then needed two knee replacements at a relatively early age
she kinda regretted the sport in retrospect and said someone had since told her the most important thing in your youth was to not injure your knees
at least in her case - oh that's right - I forgot damaging my knee meniscus cartilage when someone pushed me ('without thinking') into a concrete drain I didn't see in the pitch-black night because a car was coming on a narrow street - feel 4 feet, nearly split my skull on a sharp concrete edge but only grazed and drew a little blood - 1" to the right and I'd be dead - but hey I'm still ALIVE !!! yay.
1
Working with millennials will make you feel older than dirt, as ageism is the only -ism they don't see as real. I am a solid Gen-X but get treated like "anyone over 45 is about to die anyway" so please hurry up and get out of our way
14
I'm 76 and swim 1/2 mile 6 days a week. The last surgery I had was an appendectomy 55 years ago. I get up a few times a night but other than a few aches and pains from arthritis I'm healthy, active and happy.
Am I old? Not so much.
15
My Mom had a bumper sticker in the late 1980's that said: I don't know what old is, but it's definitely older then me.
18
Old is not a binary switch, nor is it a spectrum. It is a quality that changes hour by hour, task by task, context by context. It is multidimensional vector with its own uncertainty principle that makes it impossible to both measure its magnitude and assign it to a point in its space.
3
I recall reading an interesting point (I think from Jared Diamond) that there’s a good reason why attitudes to age are changing. The human brain evolved in pre-literate societies, in which old people were the repositories of societal knowledge – if you wanted to know how to deal with any problem, your best bet was to ask an old person. In the modern world, that’s no longer true for most problems – your best bet is to do a google search. So those of us who are getting older need to think about what we can contribute that cannot be better learned by searching the (ever-more intelligent) internet.
8
A lot of old people are raising their grandkids, caring for sick spouses, many are still working and doing volunteer work.
2
A dear friend who recently died peacefully in her sleep had this to say not long ago: "I'm amazed to have my younger buddies meditating on old age. I never thought about it & I come from a long line of nonagenarians. Last week three of us 'old' ladies were talking about how we felt in our minds & the others said '50 or 60.' I was surprised - & a little embarrassed - to say 17!"
12
There are no Boomers in their 50s- that's Gen X now.
3
Baby Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. As of 2021, some are still in their 50s.
5
The problem with defining "old" with disabilities is that there are many young people with disabilities.
I will be "near death" when I no longer have an interest in what I am learning, doing, and thinking; when I stop growing. Old? Not so much.
7
How to feel young? Have good friends who are vibrant and in their nineties! I'm in my sixties, and I realize the absurdity of saying I'm old when they have active lives, thirty years on!
I hope to live with gusto until my nineties--and I know I will look back on my sixty-something self and think how ridiculous it was that I felt old....
As I think now of my forty year old exhausted self, with four children at home!
9
I’m 45. To my kids, I’m old; my daughter comments wonderingly on my wrinkles and my “squishy” body. But in my head, I’m 25. And when I’m with my lover I feel exactly like a teenager. Maybe when I’m 80 I’ll finally feel 45?
8
Unless you plan on living to 120, 60 is not middle aged.
11
At 71 I consider myself to be "entering late middle age".
I notice that when children below some certain age tell you how old they are they often say "and 1/2" because at that age every half-year matters so much. When you start saying that in your later years it is because at that age every half-year matters so much.
When I wrote the above I had to stop for a minute to remember what it was I was going to write.
6
I cannot appreciate this piece, nor some of the comments....which I have stopped reading. I am almost 78 and my husband is 80. We have our small physical ailments, but we are active (don't jog, but that's OK), and most of all we are alert, mentally acute, and loving. Family is everything. I do feel bad for persons who are suffering from COVID, economic distress, health issues, and things that are out of their control. We have been lucky, no question about it. But please., 70s and 80s are not "old."
8
If you are getting closer to death, you are old. Why is it such a problem to admit it? Why worship youth? I'm pushing 60 and I am OLD. That is what we are. OLD! So you are lucky but some day that luck will end. Maybe it's in 20 years, but it wasn't in 20 years when you were 20.
@Stephanie Wood i think the word "old" unfortunately has a negative connotation. elder is a better word. am i old? not so much. i regale my wisdom and experience, i keep myself as fit as possible and frankly, feel, inside, no different than i ever have. i look in the mirror and see my mother which is a lovely sight as i miss her immensely.
@Stephanie Wood i think the word "old" unfortunately has a negative connotation. elder is a better word. am i old? not so much. i regale my wisdom and experience, i keep myself as fit as possible and frankly, feel, inside, no different than i ever have. i look in the mirror and see my mother which is a lovely sight as i miss her immensely. I also feel that if I died tomorrow, that would be ok.
I'm 77 and I never felt old until COVID. It's hard to say exactly what that means. Part of it is that I feel more isolated than ever before in my life. Another part of it is that I feel vulnerable. Old people get COVID and die. Miserably. So, I felt afraid.
I am lucky enough to be healthy and active. I'm not quite so strong nor do I have the stamina that I once had, but I can do most of the things that I love. But I feel old, nearing the end of my life.
14
I turned 60 15 days ago. I'm kind of loving it. I'm sure that I'm healthier than I was in my 20's (when my lifestyle was, shall we say, less than wholesome). I've somehow managed to raise (with my ex's help) and kind, talented, and weirdly wise son. I'm financially and romantically independent, and I can do whatever I want (well, aside from the restrictions that Covid has imposed on those of us who care about ending the stupid thing).
I always think it's funny when I go for a run (not that I'm a marathoner or anything), and people who see me yell things like, "You go, girl," as if it's just miraculous that I can do anything beyond shuffling around in confusion.
I know who I am, and I know what I want, and I finally have a pretty good idea as to how to get it (meditation, trying to be kind to everyone, exercising, and TRYING not to get too caught up in the incessant disasters happening everywhere, although I help when I can).
And I think about the possibility that "good intentions could be derailed" a lot lately. I'm not particularly worried about dying--it's a part of life--although I worry about HOW it will happen.
But my main focus these days is doing everything possible to avoid burdening my son and his father with someone who is no longer able to take care of herself. I'm terrified of dementia, and read something almost every day to determine the best ways to try to avoid it.
I also want to die AFTER my sweet dog does, so I don't have to worry about who will care for her.
9
In some ways I feel liberated by being old (I'm 71). I enjoy the freedom that comes with letting things go, passing on activities and engagements that I'm not really interested in. I love having the time to cook, to draw and paint, to read and to exercise. I can be the best possible version of myself as a grandma because I know that I will be returning to the quiet and freedom of my self-centered existence. It's not all good: I worry intermittently about a breast cancer recurrence, I find myself spending too much time indoors in winter because I fear slipping on the ice. On balance I feel deeply grateful to have had these years of freedom and the opportunity to see my son become a father and myself a grandmother.
15
Because I retired at age 44, having made enough money to live at least comfortably, retirement was never a marker for old age. I am now 77, and more active than ever making movies at a blisteringly fast clip. And people tell me I look about 60. Maybe I should talk with Sergei Scherbov; but in my family, the only marker for old age is death.
7
"when you can't jog a 15-minute mile." 1 mile in 15 minutes is 4 mph. I walk my treadmill miles quicker than that. I am 74 and, to my shame, technically obese at 5'8" and 200 lbs. I think to jog is to run, rather gently but nevertheless to use a different motion than stroll/walk/march.
Surely someone who does not know the forename or surname of an adult male of any age will address him as 'Sir'. Admittedly, "Oi mate!", "'You with the beard!" or "Baldilocks!" are some alternatives -- but they risk not attracting the addressee's attention in quite the same way.
3
I couldn’t jog a 15 minute mile in my 20’s!
5
Interesting discourse. I find I cannot do some things now the way I used to do them, and some I can't do at all, but then, there are things I can do now that would have been impossibel as a youthful provocatuer. I may never bench-press 400 lbs again, or venture to far-off territories without a lifeline of some sort. It took age(s) to really understand the Bhagavad Gita, Buddhist philosophy and the way of the Tao. How old is old? When one ceases to be a student, a beginner, a neophyte, that's when one has become old.
9
@buddhaboy "Beginner's Mind" :) . Apparently that's achieved more easily when one is no longer a beginner!
3
@buddhaboy
Yes, never stop learning. And remember, life is uncertain, eat dessert first.
4
When my father died at 48 yo I was 17yo and thought he’d had a good run. Now I’m 60yo and horrified he died so young! Perspectives change.
19
@Katrina When my father died at 82, I was 54 and thought he'd had a good run. Now I'm 72, and think he died too young.
11
My family did the opposite, we keep dying younger. Great grandma (born 1860s, died 1950s) and her son (aged 99) lived long lives, now we are dying younger. The younger generation was in their 70s and 80s, now the youngest is dying in their 50s and 60s, so I guess my time will be up soon.
I just turned 80. That's not really old. 100 is pretty old. My cousin is 90 and still chops and stacks his wood. He still hikes the Oregon hills. My auntie went up in a balloon on her 80th birthday. Not me. I'm afraid of heights. People treat me as if I'm ancient. I don't feel that old.
20
Huh? "Gen Xers, now in their 40s ..."? GenXers are 58 at the top end in 2019.
7
@Jessie If Gen-Xers are those born early-to-mid-1960s as starting birth years and the late 1970s to early 1980s as ending birth years, then there are folks who are in their 40s.
2
"Old" is when I don't get any KOMs or any more PRs on Strava. I have 65 laps around the sun and my blood chemistry is better now than it was 15 years ago -- all markers a solid normal and BP @ 96/54.
So far so good, so long as someone doesn't kill or maim me with their car and cell phone.
2
New York Times has an article recently about people in their eighties taking care of their very elderly parents. That’s difficult, since most people in their 80s have their own medical issues. Financial preparation for this eventuality is essential.
4
I believe we grow old in our minds. Although I will be 69 next month, my mind hasn't accepted that as old. I perform the same activities that I have done for the last 50 years. I approach everything with a "can do" attitude. I believe we succumb to becoming old. We retire and live a sedentary life. Keep going, try something new, and don't let your mind tell you, "I'm too old to do that..." You are never too old to do anything! If you think or say you are, then you will be "too old to..."
10
Life is luck. Remember that and enjoy !!!
8
Non-Western cultures respect age. In fact, it's seen a place of experience and wisdom that society and younger people need. What's wrong with being old anyway? It's better than the alternative, being dead! It's a great privilege to be old, wherever that landmark is. Many peers who had since gone to the other side do not have the privilege to ponder this "great problem" of being old.
6
Some days I'm old and some days I'm not! I'm old when my arthritis in my feet makes walking a misery but not old when I have a lively discussion with a young person who in no way reflects back to me that the conversation is somehow lopsided because of our age difference. I'm old when I think how little time I may have left but not old when I am simply out in my backyard feeding the birds. I'm old when I look too intently in the mirror and focus on all the flaws age has wrought, but not old when I focus on other people instead of upon myself. The me who sees is the same me who saw from my beginning. When I am inside myself and yet engaging with what is external to me I am not old. When I cave in upon myself I am old. The trick to agelessness seems to me to be the same 'trick' that makes life meaningful - connection. Whether to other people, to ideas, to nature, to art, to anything that we allow to touch us and that we allow ourselves to touch. Call it I-Thou, call it 'only connect' from Howard's End, call it living in a spiritual space. Call it whatever we like, we know what it is and what it means.
22
Old may also be seen in relation to others in the family, to others one hangs out with. Relatives who live beyond 90 is one set, working with young people is a different perspective.
1
I appreciate this discussion. The answer to how old you are certainly lies in the balance of attitude, fundamental health, earned fitness, and a degree of luck. Not your chronological number. I thoroughly enjoy staying fit, managing the inevitable wear and tear on my knees and shoulders but still tearing it up in the gym. (Word-play intended.) Yesterday, for example. I did 25 weighted chin-ups, finishing with 5 reps with a 45 lb. plate hanging from my belt. Then I did 20 regular pull-ups. I'm not a body-builder, just in shape. It was hard but genuinely fun. I'm 61. I'm not old and don't expect to be for some time.
4
@CDoug And let me just add, I do have a couple of not insignificant chronic llnesses and have a realistic perspective on the passage of time. But I choose to be optimistic and basically healthy and happy. The fitness side of my life enlivens and enhances every other part of my life. I can't recommend getting and staying in decent shape strongly enough. It also has an amazing effect on your emotional health and sense of self-esteem and ongoing youthfulness, which in turn nurtures your relationships with family, friends and colleagues.
9
I've always felt very much at home around middle school and high school kids. We'd go camping when my kids were that age, and I'd always end up hanging out with the "kids." It wasn't a conscious choice - it's just where I fit in best. I remember another mom camper saying to me, "People like you age really well," I didn't quite get what she meant. Now I do. ADHD challenged, I still have oodles of energy to plug into, and never consider myself "old" because that word just doesn't feel to fit my speed. But once in a while haha I catch a look at myself in the mirror and go, "Hmm... that's an interesting neck. I don't remember it looking quite like that!" I think staying un-fat and moving a lot helps. One doesn't need to be a gym bunny, but living in a house with stairs and running around a lot outside can help keep a person feeling young-ish. Society needs to catch up. Most of us have become pretty interesting Yodas :-)
2
Born and raised in NY,married for the third time (an optimist I guess) 4 children,1 deceased,1 battling cancer,7 grandchildren,14 great grandchildren, and about to turn 82 this month. I am the sole survivor of 5 siblings, 2 older though they died younger, and 3 younger. I feel blessed to be alive! When I hear people say that 69 is old I wince.
I have had my share of pain, sorrow and depression, but in the end, there is so much beauty in the natural world, a glorious sunset, majestic mountains, the awesome power and beauty of our oceans. I have been to Paris,Italy, Spain,Austria and to every state in the US and province in Canada and I am NOT a wealthy person monetarily, but believe in the power of making things happen!
So-If I can inspire just one person, I have accomplished something!
27
@Jean . You've inspired me <3
4
@Jean you've inspired me, too! You made my day!
3
I had problems considering myself as "old" until after I turned 75. Prostate surgery, a "precancerous" growth, and back problems showed me that "old" can come on quickly. Suddenly I realize that I won't ski again, running is in the past and I shouldn't lift heavy things and I can't do things that I did just a few years ago.
I'm "old", I joke that I'm so old that my most frequent exercise is "standing up straight" (my back doctor asked if he could use that in a presentation at a conference). But I"m still active in different ways. I'll keep going in many ways until I can't.
I guess I can say that I'm old but I can live with it.
10
I am 63. I've always looked 10 to 15 years younger. I never thought 60's era was considered old. Until I applied for a job with a Women's trendy boutique. Got the job. I was actually told by a 21 year old that I was too old to be working there. As I turned 62 I began to experience more ageism on the job. Also, turned down for employment due to age. It was a shock to me. I don't ferl or look my age. So...I wasn't prepared for this. This attitude is pervasive in our culture. This is what makes me feel older somedays.
18
@Carol Holmes That stinks and, at 61 and looking young for my age like you, I'm also aware of the creeping ageism. Society really does need to realign its attitude about this. Let's hang in there and keep showing them how it's done!
6
I'am 61+ years old and still doing my activity,jogging daily,playing with my grandchildren and do not feel that am an old man,old is not a number of years you did live,May God bless meyou and you
3
By any definition the oldest Gen X folks are in their early 50's.
4
One trick I have learned to to stay young having my first child at the age of 44. I don’t get “work done” on my face as I have been around enough to see that it just looks like an older person with work done.
I might almost look like the grandmother and I am always tired, but I have to at least pretend to stay young for my child.
Prior to giving birth, my whole life was my career and now I have temporarily retired.
You might say I have done the whole birth and retirement thing backwards, and it has cost me a lot of money, but I never worried about post partem and I realize that for the rest of my life I will always be around younger people while raising my son.
If that doesn’t keep me young, then maybe having another child will, and only those who waited until their 40s will know what I am talking about.
And if that doesn’t work, I guess I will skip over to the title of grandma and call it a day.
5
@JN. Hi ! I had my first child at the age 43 and have been told that I look youger. I am now retired but keep active, I go to the gym three times a week and travel. This last year my husband and I have visited six different countries and run a nonprofit organization that feeds about 100 to 150 people once a week . We both have aches and pains but basically in good health and we are about to be grandparents for the first time. I am 74 but do not consider myself “elderly”. I feel you have to keep moving while you can and I want to be an active grandparent! I am not ready for the rocking chair full time, the recliner from time to time Ha! Maybe but I will not be OLD yet!
3
I just turned 77 yesterday. (I am not even a baby boomer!) But I don’t feel “old” and people tell me I look many years younger. I think the word “old” is kind of dated! If you are in good health (I feel the same as I did 20 years ago) and keep active, your life can be as fulfilling as it was many years earlier. I feel I am blessed. Is 80 the turning point into becoming “old” ? I’ll let you know in three years. (If I’m still around!)
8
@Ladas2
Mom worked until she was 83, almost 84.knee replaced, a rod in place of a broken femur and a fractured hip after the wind tunnel she was in helping a neighbor, blew her down. The last in Feb. 2019. Nothing stopped her. Surgery, rehab and home. While she was working, she walked back and forth to work, a half mile each way everyday and turned down offers of rides home. She made Ratatouille once a week and ate grains with it along with salads, proteins. She had a positive attitude and people loved being in her company. Friends and Cousins died. Depression came for her but she tossed it back and sought the good. A bit of travel to elder hostels around the country with a few friends via trains which she loved and mahjong, bingo and poker. She loved cooking, needlepoint, making beaded flowers, collecting chickens and antiques. Dementia came for her. Not too bad but then worse. She ended up in the same NH she worked in for 25 years starting when she was 58. She took to bed and refused food and drink at 92. She was rewarded with an untended to Bedsore, which the NH was supposed to notify the family at each Level of of progression of wound from 1-4. There is no level 5. Crickets. Her vital signs fell, a sign of Sepsis, the NH asked the family if they should send her to the Hospital or bury her and the Bedsore. Needless to say, the Sepsis attacked her heart and she had two strokes that left a healthy woman unable to swallow or talk and is now in Hospice Care. Now she is old.
Some days I feel old. Some days I feel a little bit old - that's about the range. I'm 72, an ex-pat in Amsterdam. I'm active and in good health and I probably move more that most people my age. I ride my bike everywhere. I live on the 3rd floor and manage 45 steps up and down every day, sometimes 3 x a day. I teach tai chi. I play tennis occasionally and I do yoga. The worst part of getting old is how you are perceived by other people. Sometimes a young person will show me attention and kindness and that just makes my day. But more often I feel invisible, and certainly underestimated. You see it in people's expressions. However, I still get enormous pleasure out of life, but I also feel very sad and alone at times. But I felt that way when I was young too, and with more hormonal intensity!!! Life is always a mixed bag.
18
At 71 I'm indisputably old: my body is weakened and my mind is more senior than most.
This condition is natural for me, but it also arises from a stroke I endured at age 55.
One advantage of a weaker body is stronger compassion for the physical limitations faced by other people. Compassion is a good quality to have for versification.
JUST REST
The reason for writing will come.
Birds will peck at the lime outside your door.
The solid gray density of fall along the coast
will someday make summer again.
Just rest, you've earned it.
There's no way to repeat those moments
on the stage, or out on the desert with the girl
you so much loved. The desert
is still there.
-LHJ
15
I had a partial fusion of my right ankle 18 months ago. Twelve months ago I had my second aortic valve replacement...with complications.
I am 88 years old...the “oldest old”.
I am just returning from 5 days in the Sierra Nevada...trying out my new “body parts” on the snowshoe and cross country ski trails. Happy to report that everything was in working order. What a relief!
27
@Bob Thank you for sharing your uplifting story, Bob!
1
Started yoga and meditation - at age 63 and I am now currently 64. It makes a HUGE difference in health and state of mind although my younger self would never have believed in the lack of motion contributing to feeling better! Slow down - we all deserve it.
12
@Dorinda As a yoga teacher, I wholeheartedly agree. I teach meditation and gentle yoga. My older students (mid seventies and up) seem much younger than some of their contemporaries.
2
My mother didn't seem old until she was hospitalized for the second time in her life at age 90. My dad started to seem old when he retired at age 70. I'm hoping to follow my mother's example.
10
7 years ago, at the age of 67, I was treated for colon cancer at a major cancer center where patients are able to go online to look at their medical records. I was in excellent shape, regularly worked out and take care of myself. I was mortified to read my head oncologist’s description of me as “elderly” and when I confronted him with my concerns (as my definition of “elderly” is a decrepit, feeble person), he was totally surprised. It seems in his country of origin, India, anyone over 50 is described as “elderly”.
5
This writer must be a Boomer because they are constantly confused as to what constitutes a Gen-Xer. With 1965 as the firm beginning of Gen-X used by most social scientists and the belief of many others that you don’t fall in to the Boomer demographic if you have zero memory of JFK, there are very few Boomers still in their 50s. Keep hanging on for as long as you can Boomers but the simple fact is that despite all that singing about “Hope I die before I get old”, you are getting old.
5
@Sherry Harper-McCombs During my academic career, the "personality" of generations was my area of research. Based on thousands of interviews, I identity Boomers as people born from about 1943 to 1960. I found that very few people born between 1961 and 1965 consider themselves Boomers. President Obama, for example, was born in 1961 and considers himself to be a GenXer. You are correct. Using the 1943-60 date range, there are almost no Boomers in their 50s. Placing GenXers from 1961 to 1978 or 79 makes more sense. Standard dating for GenXers is 1965 to 1978. Thirteen years is much too short for a generation. On the issue of getting old, I once interviewed an 83-year-old woman who told me she was still middle aged After spending two hours with her, I agreed.
6
I turned 50 in November. I feel fat but definitely not old. And my mother is 76 and has more energy than most people my age.
4
Steven—I like your last graf (as a 68-year old)!
I'm 67.
Spinal Stenosis, two damaged discs and neuropathy in both legs and feet, Prostate cancer, pancreatic cancer and two bouts of diverticulitis have left me feeling old.
I walk with a measured step. Always with a cane because of poor balance. I dread falling and breaking a bone or especially my hip.
Not wanting to get up in the morning and attack the day is old.
17
I am 61 years old and feeling like I’m 35. Indeed more active now in terms of exercise and new hobbies. I’m a nurse who reviews medical records. Old is not a physical age. Old is a mindset. For me personally - if pressed for an answer - old is maybe 95!
14
@Katherine Peterson Love your attitude. Even when I was young OLD seemed a bit like this. There was a vague undifferentiated mass of adults and then the OLD ones were in their 80s and 90s.
I couldn't really care much about the difference between a 40 year old and a 65 year old as a kid.
I think we try to make fine-grained distinctions when we are anxious about being old and trying to avoid seeing ourselves that way--but for kids all the adults are 'grown-ups' and the wizened ones are the old ones.
"Old" is a concept that can only be applied if we know the expected lifetime of something. When is a Rolex watch old? When is a cheap watch old? When is a small dog old? When is a large dog old? After many years does a new house become an old house? If you have difficulty answering this question for these non-human or non-living objects, you will have even more difficulty answering it for humans.
15
I’m confused by what the writer considers Boomers, Gen X etc. I’m not a Baby Boomer by any definition yet am now 51. It’s Gen X that’s starting the turn to 50.
I sure don’t feel 51. But what does any age feel like? I am happier and more confident than I ever have been.
12
I like being 'old". There are so many advantages. I no longer have a life agenda except "be happy, do no harm, make a small contribution if you can." I am far more oblivious to other's judgements of me, and guess what? They were more concerned with themselves than with me all along.
I wake up to the sunrise and feel deep gratitude for the beauty of another day. Never did that when I was young.
50
As we age (I am 85) the structure of daily life becomes increasingly important. If you have somewhere to go and something useful to do when you get there, age doesn’t matter so much.
35
When they make me retire, I guess I'll be old. Assuming I'm still alive. I'm in the accelerate category--started teaching eight classes instead of four, wrote a book, go to the gym--all to avoid the metastatic breast cancer I prefer not to think about but which at the moment has been beaten into submission by one of Big Pharma's concoctions. Work and activity and oh, of course my continuing romantic relationship with my husband! These things make me feel I'm not, in my early sixties, old. Not quite.
http://www.thecriticalmom.blogspot.com
11
I paint watercolor portraits and painting my friends,( mostly 70’s and 80’s) is a joy. Their faces have so much depth and character that comes with aging. So interesting and expressive. My grandchildren’s smooth faces have no roadmaps yet and all their faces seem like generic Barbies. With all the commercials capitalizing on “are you beautiful enough?, are you thin enough?, are you flawless enough%?”, it is pleasure to see enriched older folks.
18
@GWS . Beautifully stated.
3
And exactly how are we going to change ageist attitudes? Unless you’re famous like Willie Nelson or a politician like Nancy Pelosi, you’re not taken seriously. You’re expected to behave like a sweet little old grandma and put up with being patronized on a daily basis. If you do things that defy the stereotype, you’re dismissed as “cute.”
My approach to aging is work out a lot, stay away from doctors and learn to swear. Read Susan jacoby’s book, Never Say Die, and Christiane Northrup on Goddesses Never Age.
25
@PhillyPerson, I recommend a cane, such as Margaret Mead used to clear her path by brandishing it like a weapon. Snarl winningly with your brilliant false teeth while you do it.
At least that's my plan.
12
@PhillyPerson A sweet little old grandma? Hell no, never! I'm 74, I don't know how old I feel, but I feel young, can still do almost everything I did when I was 50 years younger, and am loving this time of my life. I don't think I've ever been patronized, or, if I was, then I just ignored it, just like I ignore all the comments many women make about themselves in regard to aging. My body might not be what it was, but who cares. My chance of being in Playboy has long passed.
Just enjoy as much as you can and ignore the ageism as much as you can. I do.
13
@PhillyPerson
I was a Philly Person once myself, long time ago (and dad was an MD in center city and taught at Penn Med) Here's what we have in common besides the city: stay away from doctors. I order my own blood tests (life extension dot org), and design my own protocols. I have many great examples of how I cured things I was told could not be done but my latest is knees that almost didn't work. I practically had to UBER for a block. Stairs were agony and took forever. I found how to regrow cartilage and reduce inflammation and 1 year later I'm hiking for miles. Not any pain at any time. All around me friends are getting replacements, not doing well with results. I don't go to doctors - not for years. Not since that one when I was in grad school told me "steroids for life" for severe and crippling RA. I went to Stanford med library and researched and designed my own non drug protocol and cured it myself. Well, Philly person, maybe we met in that cosmos years ago if you grew up there as I did and here we are again. Many happy more years to us! (and all)
7
Rule of thumb: If you've ever said of a deceased age peer, "He was only 70," you're probably old.
19
I am a 68 year old woman. The oddest thing I have noticed about aging is invisibility, a condition that has its advantages and disadvantages. I do, for the most part, find it a great relief as in my life have experienced the male gaze as a most unwanted and irritating social experience. However, invisibility is rather annoying when one is attempting to carry on business with customer service representatives, but a good public temper tantrum usually remedies this problem. I am not sure why being older gives everyone permission to call me "honey" and "sweetheart." I do enjoy playing the age card when it is of some benefit to me such as getting attention to a problem with home maintenance related to a public utility, an area in which the "senior living on a fixed income" seems to get immediate attention or stating loudly on the BART that no one respects the elderly anymore. I score a seat every time. I love that my tax dollars support senior citizen lifelong passes to national parks and I can take three friends with me! "Old," it seems to me, is the learning of a new set of rules and working within it to achieve desired outcomes. It really is a fascinating endeavor, but does require a sense of humor and perhaps is not for the faint of heart. Mostly I am grateful to have reached the age I am with not too many scars and without serious mishap. Not all are as lucky!
34
Good glory Maxine! You are only 68 and already complaining about the same things I notice at 83. Mostly it is the patronizing and invisibility that annoys me. Just do not allow it!
17
Three aspects of aging I haven’t seen here yet:
1) When your chronological age doesn’t jibe with your experience of self. When I turned 50 I felt psychologically blindsided: 50 was how old I recall my *parents* being. It wan’t that I FELT old, exactly. It’s that the number didn’t match my internal image of myself, which is about age 37 or so.
2) When you realize how the pop-culture idols of your youth, those icons of hipness, look…really old (I recall thinking “How can Prince be 50?!” and “Peter Gabriel looks like my dad.”)
3) More seriously: When you worry about employment discrimination in seeking a new job for greater career satisfaction.
19
Several years ago, a friend in her late 70s told me that what made her feel old was when she "lost faith in her feet." She admonished me (then in my mid-50s) to pay attention to keeping my balance. I have taken that to heart. When I go up or downstairs, I don't use handrails unless I'm carrying something heavy and really need them, and I do balancing exercises every day. I think it will pay off.
15
@Sarah D.
A little tip from this 81 year old: In addition to what you have outlined, walk more, with or without aids.
Old (or older, if you prefer) people share something with toddlers but for a different reason.
In the toddlers case, it is because they were crawling on their hands and knees, and then were put on their feet. The neural messages now take longer and they lose their sense of balance until the neurons adjust to the different timing. Then they go from staggering around and falling to running all over the place.
Our neural messages just start to slow down and we must also train our neurons to adjust accordingly.
I have found that walking (often with a grocery cart that simulates a walker) at least a couple of miles a week helps my balance quite a bit.
13
@Sarah D. Thank you, Brian. I do walk, but know that I should do more, so thanks for the inspiration.
2
@Sarah D.
And if walking is painful, try to find a good water walking class and faithfully attend three or more times a week. Good for new friends and for more successful walking.
4
At 94. I can tell you when I turned into an "old" man. It was 2011, and after a minor operation I fell in my bathroom. This re-ignited an old sciatica issue and caused some severe pain and a feelin' of loss. That's the moment I became an "ole guy"!! We were livin' the good life in San Miguel de Allende and I was about to reach the age of 87 … this was followed two years later when I found my wife, at 85, on the floor in another room … she had a "bleedin' ulcer attack and was hospitalized. Our daughter flew down and shipped her two "oldies" back to the states. Point: If I had not fallen and the wife had been usin' some "aids" … we still might not be old yet. It's somethin' that happens to you "in the head" and is amplified and/or generated when the body fails you. So, I an now an "ole guy" who blogs eatin' 3 squares with an "ole woman" for his wife … http://www.oleguyramblin.com
27
I turned 70 and retired in December, and I must say I certainly feel "older", but not "old".
And I remember seeing others as "old" at all stages of my life, including now.
I hope I can still keep finding the "older" ones.
5
@L.A. Finley That's exactly what I've done, because I don't look my age, and I hang out with younger people. So, I actually forget my age. I'm 71, very active and in great health.
Being “middle-aged” at 60 sounds more-or-less plausible.I do like the logical implication: that I can reasonably expect to live for another 60 years or so.
12
I just turned 77, but for several reasons I decided that I am 75!
The lady down the hall is 102 and still active in mind and body. She can hold a focused conversation and walks (with a walker) to dinner.
I am 'old' but I'm not sure when I became 'OLD". My health is good, I've lost some weight, can walk up a couple of flights of stairs, go traveling, love camping in a cabin.
I am blessed.
My great-grandson, 14, insists that I am not 'old' because I do things that younger people do.
So what is old? I think it's related to health and attitude!
18
Old in a negative way ?
Whenever you stop wanting to learn.
Old in a positive way ?
When you stop being irritated at being called "sir".
11
Aging or being considered old, is a matter of your perspective and how you see yourself, just like whether 'the day' is a good one or a bad one rests on how you see it. There are ups and downs, but how you handle life's changes is shaped by your daily attitude. Appreciation, wonder and maintaining an open-mind, are the tools you can use to fashion your outlook, no matter your biological age.
10
I am grateful for each year I live; I learn more, I make different if not fewer mistakes, I am able to live with ambiguity far more easily, leading to increased tolerance and acceptance of others’ foibles, judging less harshly, appreciating more. I am slowly getting wiser. I am grateful to be old. Old is a wonderful stage of life that should be embraced for itself, not put off forever so that one can remain ‘young.’ I don’t want to be young. I want to enjoy the legitimate pleasures of aging. This article, like all the others on age, misses the point. I am 64 and identify as old, I still work full time, I spend as much time as I can with my husband and family, but I choose my options more carefully. I know my time is limited to an unknown period (which is true at any time of life, but perceived more clearly when old) and I try to appreciate each moment left, from the mundane and quotidian to the spectacular and life changing.
I know that I am extremely lucky to be old.
36
I'm 54. No one - and I mean no one - guess my age correctly to within 10 years. It amazes me. Like many reckless, fearless dummies in their 20's and 30's, I drank too much booze and got way too much Sun in the 80's and 90's. I'm blessed. I stay in good shape and maintain reasonably good diet. I'm a very, very goofy guy. My sense of humor has helped keep me young. My biggest problem is meeting woman in my age range. Almost impossible. I tend to meet woman in their 30's all the time. It's uncomfortable telling a nice lady in her 30's that I'm old enough to be her dad, when she already guessed I'm 42. I don't feel old, but this issue makes me feel old. Sigh.
6
@Stephen Scott
You just betrayed your age by calling the nice woman in her 30's "nice lady"... Don't worry pal, it's already happening to you.
19
Last January I literally ran into my 70th year. My younger soul felt the belly punch of a new reality, that I had reach my biological 7th decade. The rejection of being called "a senior" is ongoing. Ouch! I prefer the dignity bestowed by Tribal cultures calling us "elders," a befitting archetypal respect for those not so young, but having wisdom, truths and stories for generations to come.
Crossing the gray wooden bridge, I continue beloved runs by the beautiful Pacific coast. However, it is time for new running shoes!
15
I’m turning 70 on New Years Eve and lately Ive been thinking about this question. I live in FLorida so it’s easy to observe what seems to make a senior appear old. I see so many people who have a dour look and to me, they look old and like they’ve given up. I see those with mobility issues and my heart stops because, despite my lifestyle choices, I’m in pretty good health. Though I’ll admit to occasionally wondering when the other shoe might drop. A man in the post office recently said “I’ll never be seventy because I have a youthful attitude”. It’s true...I smile, will engage others and generally have a positive attitude. I don’t think I feel or act old. The one thing I enjoy most at this stage is doing and saying whatever I want, as long as I’m not hurting anyone else. I have no one to answer to, or care what people think, and I do whatever I want on my own schedule. It’s a wonderful reward for getting to this part of my life. The other day, sitting on my sofa, I wondered what I wanted to do the day I turn 70? Would I sit on the sofa and possibly feel sorry for myself or go skydiving. Guess what I chose?
9
@Jamie I went skydiving for my 70th birthday. Now, I feel like I'm part of an elite group. I'm in good health, and I'm very active. My doctor is astounded. I'm completing my bucket list of places to go and things to do and see.
1
You're old when 20-something supermarket employees start calling you "young lady."
15
@Bonnie Allen
Sad but true. These offenders mean well but the "young lady" bit is so condescending.
13
@Bonnie Allen
Or when vaguely middle-aged people say "my dear." That's the worst.
I respond pretty much the way I responded 40 years ago when someone referred to me as "young lady." Some response intended to be withering, without being too rude :)
1
@wayra Why worry about being rude? They’re the rude ones.
3
I don’t feel old at all but I do like those geezer discounts, especially when I’m asked to show some ID, ha!
10
@Bello The word geezer is defamatory.
1
Having read about people who took up and excelled at new activities in later life, I wondered ifI would be fortunate to make that happen. At age 68 I was amazed to find myself flying sailplanes. And more surprised to find many very skillful and competitive pilots still flying in their 70s and 80s!
6
Age 66
Living with life threatening disease
I wake daily now and think about two statements my dad and gram used to say a lot
“ jacki.... don’t get old”
“ after your born honey , it’s all just gravy “
Well I did get old and wow youngsters !!!!!!
It was way too fast!
And when you ponder consciously about reality we know yes ..... “ I love gravy “ = being alive to pleasures and sensations and community.
These are my “ gravy days”.
We all become wisps of faded memories for our kith and kin.
IMHO the interest in ancestry DNA helps us keep memories of those we miss or never met “alive”
It’s like a conversation through time to our future families.
Helps a little to fend off fear of the unknown.
As does believing in a full afterlife in a place called heaven for some .
Ambivalence prevails about the aging process.
Death = ?
5
I once read that the sixties are the young old, the seventies the middle old and the eighties just old. My dear mother who lived to be ninety used to say anyone five years old than her was “up there”. At 73 although I am active I certainly do not have the energy I had in my sixties. My husband and I are on the same page as far as how much travel and how much socializing we do. We still can’t believe how fast the time has passed.
22
It's still common for boomer (and older) men to refer to an aging woman -- to her face -- as "young lady," despite her grey hair and lined face. It's done with good intentions, as if to say the lady looks young. I find it condescending and patronizing, as if the only factor worth complementing is youth, and also that women are so supercilious and vain they of course welcome false complements.
38
@J. Harmon Smith
Or, you could take it more benignly as "reverse humor". Men also call other men "young man". When an oldie says it to another, it's the tacit, ironic acknowledgement that we're both in this together.
That's how I take it anyway.
1
"My 'go get ’em' attitude could change with a single CT scan, car crash or loosened plaque in my arteries. Which means I may always be only a step or two away from crossing the threshold to old."
And when you cross that threshold, Steven, those of us with disabilities, who are recovering from injuries, have gait and balance issues or chronic conditions, etc. will be there to welcome you to a world where you're not ranked or rated by how young you look or whether you can still jog around the block, but what's in your head and heart. You can be even more "go get 'em" with a compromised body, but with different objectives, since you can focus on what really matters. It usually isn't speed and agility. You can still take the world by storm, just more slowly and thoughtfully.
35
62 and call myself old... I walk my bouvier 6 plus miles a day and can out work my thirty four yr old son. I drink too much beer but quit smoking and look forward to the sun coming up everyday. I still text with my grandkids and look forward to travel when the weather is nicer. I have no benchmark as I’m adopted but have a sneaking suspicion I have pretty good genes with the exception of knees. I’ve been around the world 3 times with the USN. Can’t wait for 2019. Gonna be a great year it’s all about attitude
10
I notice so many of the comments reject the word "old". These people have embraced all the negative stereotypes about aging and being old. Some old people are sick, some are running daily. That does not mean that the runners are not old. That just means that a person has reached a certain age. It is nothing to lament.
Black people have thrown off negative stereotypes about who we are. We are not shiftless, lazy, stupid, poor - whatever. It is way past time that we old people do the same.
44
I don't feel old...I remember the first time, saw my self as old, and how other people might see me...was walking in a mall at night with low lighting, saw someone off to my right, I turned quickly to see who that was, it was me in a mirror...stood and looked, and thought, do I look that old to others?...I still feel young, but I know it is all in my mind and heart.
27
Recently, I've been recalling these words from Don Marquis' "Archie and Mehitabel," read as a young woman:
"There's a dance left in the old dame yet. So toujours gai, Archie, toujours gai."
It makes me smile to think of the old cat announcing this to her pal, the cockroach. It makes me want to get up and...well, dance!
15
At 71, some days I feel like an old woman, but other days, especially days filled with activity, I feel quite youthful.
More than 35 years ago, I was teaching how to counsel older people. At that time, we considered under 75, "young" old age, over 75, "old" old age.
But with a growing number of friends and family members living well past 90 (my aunt will be 99 on Tuesday), we must reassess what being old means.
I meet people who look much older than others of the same age. They are often people who are lower middle class, without higher education. Those with more education tend to look much younger than their age and to act that way too. Perhaps education is a correlated factor.
17
@Barbara. Yes education can be a correlated factor, because like physical beauty and intelligence and class it is prized. This contributes to the best marrying and reproducing with the best -- genes, career success, etc. Less likely to live in an extreme climate or work in a physically-wearing job or have to work two jobs -- factors that can prematurely age the complexion, psyche and joints. Less likely to engage in smoking and certain other harmful pursuits. And so on.
11
I'm 61. I'm reasonably fit - workout regularly. But a couple of things came to mind after reading comments. When I was called ma'am at 25 I was insulted. Now it's a simple sign of courtesy and respect. If I was offered a seat on the bus, I would happily take it even though I could stand as long as anybody. I learned from Mom - she has a rolling walker. When we were bussing around LA and visiting Universal Studios a whole world of privilege opened up to me because of that rolling walker. No lines, seats up front, no waiting. A group of friends of mine were high-fiving each other because we got Senior tickets on NJ Transit train. The lone youngster (50), who paid full price just looked on silently. I think because of my attitude toward age and life (I embrace it), several younger women have said they want to be me when they grow up. I have 30 and 40 years old friends who can't wait to join AARP because of my extolling the advantages of belonging to that particular club. I'll take menopause any day over the monthly ups and downs of PMS. Every decade has it's good and bad points. Twenties - young, fit and stupid. Thirties - young, fit and exhausted (kids); Forties - Youngish - but things are changing. Fifties - starting to process the new/old you. Now in my sixties, I'm thrilled to be where I am and like in my twenties trying to figure out what I'm going to do next in my life.
46
@Crystal I’m age 61 and am in good shape. Running to catch the Long Island Railroad, I made the train with about one second to spare. Breathless, I found a place to stand in this packed train and panted until I caught up on my breathing. A man, mid 40’s, discretely offered to give up his seat for me. I immediately said no, mostly out of impulse and spent the next 20 minutes trying to decide if I appeared old,was old or looked sickly. I tried not to let the other passengers catch me trying to check out my reflection in the window. Verdict—I should’ve taken this man up on his offer. Rethinking the running for trains thing. That to me, is a sign of aging!
5
@Crystal be careful with AARP. They’re an insurance company. They do very little to help older people and sometimes do harm. Follow their lobbying policies. You can get discounts almost anywhere just be asking.
3
@Jeanne I was surprised recently when a young man offered me (74) his seat on the subway in Singapore. I was surprised, nothing else, because that's the first time it ever happened to me.
2
When I was in Hawaii, I was struck by the general tone of respect for older members of the community. The bus seat in the front was reserved for "elders" not the "elderly". Elders implied possessing wisdom. It would be good if this attitude was perpetuated throughout our society
62
@Kay You are spot-on that it would be good if there was more respect for elders. Other cultures respect their elders, why can't we cultivate this once again? However, there may be hope: our local Safeway parking lot now has specific parking spaces with signs that read "Senior Citizen."
10
@MsMora
And I'll bet they hardly get used. The theme throughout the article and the comments is that old is bad. I'm with Kay. Language matters. "Old" should be honored, and the words we use should reflect that.
9
I think I define age as someone who doesn't have mobility or strength to care for self. I'm just shy of my 76th birthday. I still exercise 5 days week with things like push ups and riding a stationary bike 30 min. But, one of the things that really separate you in my eyes is technology if you are not a user of it like smartphones and email etc. I also find if you are not aware of what is new like the latest music or trends. I admit, I enjoy listening to hip-hop in my car.
25
The world can be cruel to old people. We are easy to take advantage of financially because we have money and are too demented to know what to do with it. We can be taken advantage of by the medical system too. My father in law, around 90 at the time, was going to go in for prostate surgery. My husband put a stop to it. My 100 year old grandfather was put on a ventilator after a stroke. I am 67 and worried about falling or seeming old and clueless. I figure the best way to stay safe is to keep coloring my hair.
12
I use Biological age as opposed to Calender age. I turned 77 in Sept. according to the calender. However, my Biological age--according to 2 web sites which measure one's Biological age--determined that I am 64. So, one's age really depends on one's health and physical condition. I do lots of excercise-physical and mental- and don't feel a day older than 10 years ago.
10
@Bzl15...I took that test...it made feel good...it made me 10 years younger than I was...and I didn't cheat.
2
You were reading my mind Steven! I was pondering these exact questions today, while considering the implications of a recent injury that my 49 year old body has sustained. In particular, I'm struggling with the social bias that works against "old" people, with causal implications (ie. loneliness, depression, lack of physical activity, etc) As a Gen-Xer dealing with my baby boomer parents, the topic of aging is palpable. Hopefully with more light shed on the topic, the more likely cultural shifts become a possibility, particularly when thriving older men and women speak up. It benefits each and every one of us, because with any luck, we all are going to be "old" --- no matter the exact number.
6
As far as I’m concerned “old” begins in one’s Eighties AND it’s an attitude, so at 81 I’m still middle aged.
12
@Lee...You are right!...attitude is the answer...but I still wish I looked as I did in my fifty's...women don't turn to look at me anymore...but my girl friend reminds me there are men at our senior club who are 10 to 15 years younger, but who carry themselves like 90 year old men.
4
I became old five or six years ago apparently when people in the stores began asking me if they could help me carry my groceries or put them in the car for me. Then I really looked in the mirror - the thinning white hair and the facial wrinkles gave it away, yes I’m old.
Actually, I noticed it a couple of years ago and told my doctor at my annual exam that my gait had changed; I don’t have the same stride.
And it’s a good excuse when I want to get out of something.
11
I am constantly floored when I refer to myself as “old” and people say things like “you’re not old” or “70 is not old.” Yes it is. It sure isn’t “young” and it sure isn’t “middle aged.” I’m not going to live to be 140. What’s wrong with being old? I consider myself very fortunate to be here. So many people I loved never made it. Old people are as interesting, if not more interesting, than younger people. I’ve always enjoyed hanging out with them. Our society is as ageist as it is racist and sexist. And our denial of death as an inevitable fact of life means that many of us put off the very experiences that make life so precious. Wake up, people...every stage of life has its own joys. Embrace them and don’t look back.
101
@Gloria: a gorgeous comment, thank you.
9
@Gloria
Well said Gloria! I am apalled at the disrespect from so many younger people towards the elderly. When people remark incredulously, "you don't look that age" I feel the same condescending reference as being called "young lady." It's as if I should apologize for having the audacity to still be alive. Ageist comments are as deplorable as any other sexist, racist or other hateful and ignorant beliefs.
"Educated people". voice such opinions all the time and think that it is Ok. Many medical practitioners are still addressing their patients in this manner; even though they have been coached otherwise. I have experienced many loved ones who have died very young and feel so grateful that I am blessed to still be here.
By biggest gripe: Stop treating old people with contempt and de-valuing their amazing worth. It's not nice, its disgusting and you should know better.
6
As a middle-aged gay man, aged 56, I am thrilled to call myself old. I happened to survive a plague, when so many of my friends, companions, and loved ones did not. I celebrate my aging, and do so in honor of those who didn't have the luxury to.
87
Health has a lot to do with it, as do wealth, activities, relationships, and expectations. I'm "only" 50 but already consider myself old. Partly that's because I'm thoroughly out of shape and my health is not great. Partly it's because most of my family and many of my friends are already deceased. Partly it's because I see the end as relatively near; given the history of early heart and lung disease in my family (nobody on my father's side has lived past 70), I don't see myself having 30 or 40 years left, more like 10-15. In my work I am surrounded by much younger people, which also makes me feel ancient by comparison. Unlike Mr. Rubenstein, I don't have wealth and accomplishment to validate me. And being female, I am acutely aware of how older women become invisible in our society.
So I would say those whose health, relationships, and/or accomplishments keep them feeling engaged and important may perceive themselves as young until they are 80, while those with poor health and little validation may grow old before their time. Witness the rise in suicides and drug overdoses among older people, especially white men 50+ who have been economically left behind.
13
Meh, a counterpoint here from on-the-cusp-of-52: I am the youngest in my generation, buried my parents 20 years ago. And yet, I am me, still walking 5 miles daily, listening to my teens' music as they are the in-car DJ's. Time has made me accepting, pushed me to excel professionally, makes me grateful for every sunrise I see. Goofy depression-era jokes from my Dad are traded with silly current-day memes. I remain a part of all that I have met, and sidestep the Ulysses-like longing for more. It is, indeed, all good.
8
Folks definitely say “age is a state of mind.” But sometimes it’s also what happens to you physically, if you’re unable to walk, or bend over well, or do any number of things that you used to do.
After 30 years of sitting at a desk in the corporate world, and then 10 years on my feet standing in a classroom, now I’ve lost weight, and walk a lot. I volunteer at a local animal shelter and walk dogs five mornings a week, and I have two little dogs that I take everywhere and walk constantly. I’m in better physical shape than I’ve been since my 20s and I will turn 66 in January. Yes I have arthritis, yes I have knee issues, yes I’m on blood pressure medication, but at least I’m doing everything that I can to take care of myself.
There are some mornings when I wake up and I feel old or look in the mirror and see the gray hair and wrinkles and look old… And then I think to myself, “age is a state of mind.” And I take a deep breath, stretch myself out, and get on with my busy day. I know there are other people my age who cannot help themselves but be old, and I feel for them. But I will fight every day to stay young at heart, and enjoy doing what I love to do. And when I can’t do that, hopefully I’ll be able to read, go to the movies, and do something else to keep my mind active and my heart happy, with my loving husband.
26
@Trina Sullivan When you look in the mirror and see old, think of something that makes you very happy. Then smile a big smile to match the thought. You'll look much younger. It works for me anyway (age 78).
2
Like many others comment here, in my mind I am well under 40! Function is everything to me. I will work past 70 and my "retirement" will be the beginning of another career. IF all goes well and I stay as healthy as I am today. Ageing requires immense stamina to get through difficult diagnoses, medical treatments, the pain of rehab and back to a new "normal". I'm optimistic that new adventures await me no matter the number of years ahead.
8
Ageing is inevitable amongst mankind.
We are a part of nature where plants, trees, animals, aquatic life and human beings are born, bloom bear fruits or offsprings and grow old and die!
This is part of nature’s cycle and we are part of this!
Just being born in America does not mean that one will not grow old or wither away like all species of life.
With good medical care one stretches a few extra years but that’s it! One has to accept a reality and complete our mortal life cycle!
15
I am in my thirties in my head. My mirror and my disabilities tell me otherwise, (I'm 64) but I ignore them. And I don't mind calling my clothes my "Little Old Lady Collection." But when other people casually and without thinking tell me that I am old, them's fightin' words!
16
Diagnosed four years ago with breast cancer at 44, while everything else about me was perfectly healthy. My children were 6 and 10 at the time. While going through chemotherapy I felt as I imagine an old person would feel, maybe worse. One thing that suddenly bothered me was when actual old people would complain about their aches and pains, I would think “at least your kids are now adults or even have kids of their own”. I would also envy them for having reached their age, some without major diseases. I sometimes still have a hard time when my own 80 year old mother complains about being old, I don’t tell her that I just don’t think I’ll ever live that long, despite all my healthy habits.
Not to sound so pessimistic, but I’ve now known too many people my own age who have had cancer or died of cancer. I think this is a different time now and the environmental damage is showing up in the increase in cancer and other diseases at younger ages. Enjoy being old, it’s a privilege if you are relatively healthy.
35
@Kara
Don't waste precious time on envy of old folks' carefree lives, and resentment about their complaints of aches and pains. So many of us got here by perilous journeys and are not so carefree as we may seem.
At age 50 I was diagnosed with breast cancer—I had been aware that I was at risk because, the year before, my beloved sister died of it—but at 82, when I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I felt blindsided. Between those two life-changing illnesses I had many other personal health problems that seem now to be insignificant bumps along the way.
However, my husband became disabled at age 45, 15 years into our now almost 50-year marriage, and of course that has been more like life defining.
People tell me I am so brave, but that's nonsense. I have always just dealt with disasters as they arose because I had to. Sometimes I have felt that I was swimming upstream, fighting hard against a current that threatened to wash me out to sea, but there was no alternative. You have to survive.
You may live a lot longer than you think you will and you should be savoring the time you have now, putting breast cancer behind you, enjoying your children, and living, not dying.
24
I have had the same feelings about other people that weren't sick complaining about being old or having aches and pains. I've had days where I couldn't get out of bed. I don't know what the future holds for me with the strong medications I have to take. My mother is 95 and very healthy. She's only now having some cognitive issues. I have helped her appreciate her good health but it's been an ongoing project. The hardest thing for her is comparing herself to other people who have accomplished more in her mind. She's been a role model to me in a lot of ways but not in regard to aging. I'll be thinking of you and sending you my best wishes. Always remember that there are people that love you.
9
@Kara
The irony is that you look at people older than you and are vexed by what you see as their ingratitude at reaching an age older than you may reach but there are breast cancer patients that can look at you and feel the same way: they got breast cancer at a younger age than you and were unable to have children. Some die before they can find a spouse. So stop comparing and get on with your life, however long it may be.
4
We have a chronological age, but we also have a health-age, a psychological-age and a sexual-age, and they are not all the same, even within the same individual.
22
Reading all the comments from 90-100 year-olds makes me feel young, and at 84 I feel lucky also to be alive and (relatively) healthy.
I still vacuum, do the laundry and cook, make the bed, do all of the driving, make appointments for my husband and myself and get us there and back; do the Saturday walk to the farmers market, the library, the post office, the bookstore, TJ's, and home again, a trek of 21 blocks; I still work the week-end NYTimes crosswords (in ink!) and finish them; and I am still mistaken for being a dozen years younger than I am. Terrific.
But I know that in an instant our life could take a disastrous turn, as it has at least twice in the past, so for now, I'm savoring my mobility and freedom, and hope that I will last another decade at least.
The number of years we have lived doesn't always say much about how old we are.
40
If it weren't for modern medical miracles I'd be: limping painfully (hip replacement fixed that), toothless (implants solved), deaf (excellent hearing aids did the trick), and probably dead (I had an operation on my esophagus). The operations - hip and esophagus - cost me a few hundred dollars altogether since I am at Kaiser San Francisco. Otherwise, both added up would have cost about 150K. To say I'm grateful is a vast understatement and I'm healthy and strong.
23
I will be 90 next year and I have yet to ‘slow down.’ I still create art, not as much as in the past, and have a studio with a gallery space in front. I am active in art groups and exhibit locally and throughout the Northeast. Still drive and go to the gym. I live in a retirement community and use the available transportation if the snow is heavy otherwise I haven’t changed my routine. www.roslynrose.com
28
Old? What this article's really addressing is death, a horrible part of life on this planet. I eat right, am a regular at the gym and try to adhere to every, current, scientific finding to maintain good health. I still notice the occasional postural dizziness, the dry skin, the progressively poorer facial appearance in pictures, etc., etc. I am 73 but the GRIM reaper has begun his chase. Though my wall is strewn with degrees, I know there is something beyond our mundane existence. Christ died for my sins and overcame death. That is what this season is about. That is what numerous great minds have concluded is the other dimension of our reality. Nothing is better documented in antiquity than the reality of Christ. He provides life eternal to his followers and no one who reads this can disprove that reality. You say the The National Institutes of Health have found evidence to the contrary. Interesting thought since their director, Frances Collins, MD has written chapter and verse about his belief in Jesus Christ. May your Christmas be filled with the beauty of Christ's message.
4
@Curiouser Gosh, you took a topic about aging to tell us about your belief in Jesus. And, numerous great minds of today and yesterday, concluded there is no god or they are uncertain of that fact. You say, "Nothing is better documented in antiquity than the reality of Christ." Agreed, with antiquity being the key word. Zeus was documented in the classical age of Greece, but who did the documentation and what was the proof. If Jesus were alive now, I wonder at his response to "His word." So, what is the Christmas message? Spend as much as you can on gifts, give some charity at this time, it can't hurt?
I think there is something beyond our dimension, but I don't think a Bronze-Age book gives me much information, except how men who were tribal chiefs
thought, with superstition and abracadabras as their
power.
11
Old is an attitude. It transcends the physical. My night table is piled high with books and magazines I want to read. I have a million bookmarked tabs on my computer. I have projects, ideas to write and a little biz I want to start. I have family and friends and am engaged in my community. I am neither young nor old. I am alive.
44
My mother is alive. Ergo I am young.
17
@EK
My mother died when I was 23. My father died in 2017. I welcome my grey hair and enjoy the privilege of senior seats and discounts. But I'm still young, even when my body tries to say otherwise. I had a wonderful Grammy who went out to discos regularly in her 80s, and she taught me the true meaning of age.
3
Get a dog. Get 3. The walks, the love, the care and the chores will keep you younger.
26
@Beyond Karma Also, don't hang out with old people. Hang out with people who are younger than you are, and if possible, as young as you are in your head. Their youth will keep you young.
5
@Beyond Karma...you are right!...dogs can keep you young...that is one thing I miss in my life...I had 10 or more dogs in my lifetime...where I live now, dogs are not allowed...I tried twice to move to places, where dogs were allowed, but I never got the apartments ;(
1
"The bottom line: “old” is subjective, a moving target." That singular statement says so much that books could be written putting it in the right perspective.
As I push 80, I go each morning for my strenuous workout & though I am surrounded by tons of people living in my complex, none dare exercise with me for long as I do hard chin-ups, pull-ups, many forward and backward pushups, run up highly inclined ramps and do some distance jogging. I jog rather than run because I know that running is murder on my back bone and joints as well as cutting my muscle mass. In our more violent world, we do need muscle mass as deterrents to would be attackers. I also jog up 3 flights of stairs. All done early each day. As a black man, how I wish I could get any of my brothers to join me.
Elders, PLEASE do not do Jumping jacks, that is like taking a jack hammer to your spine & at our age, every nano-meter of good back we have counts.
Last, I do greatly love the attainment of more knowledge, spending most of my hours after exercising working/studying all things new and scientific based. Never eating deep fried anything, no pork, very little beef, lots of fruit & great veggies, lots of baked stuff, little processed.
Your good or bad health is up to you, my relatives want me to live and die my age, like them. Many younger relatives long since gone. Most people do not want to accept the reality that I live; Muscular, agile, mentally sharp and always moving fast, no patience with slackers.
27
Thank you to all the New York Times readers. You are my kitchen cabinet for life. I make a collection of all your wise contributions to these forums on different subjects and refer to them often and share them with others as appopriate. I'm a 63 retiree and have had a chronic illness for 25 years. My husband is 9 years younger than me. I have 96 year old mother, 7 siblings. two adult sons and three grandchildren. I just lost my first sibling. I serve my family in various capacities. I contribute to my community as able. I was blessed with a curious and resourceful mind. I use my gifts. Thank you to all you lovely and wise people. Blessings to you all.
23
Old is when people offer you a seat on the bus.
5
@gs Once when I got on the bus, half the people on the bus jumped up to give me their seats. It was funny.
4
@gs Nope. They can also offer you a seat on the bus if you are young and pregnant.
1
@Jackie Last week I got on a SRO bus and the driver shouted that a seat was needed. I looked at him and asked if that was for me. He confirmed as everyone sitting in the designated seats for special needs hopped up. I thanked him but vowed to myself to stand straighter the rest of the day. I’m only 72 and can keep up with all 6 grandkids if they slow down a bit.
5
what if being old is ok?
28
Steven Petrow writes: "My “go get ’em” attitude could change with a single CT scan, car crash or loosened plaque in my arteries." Well, duh, so could anyone's. Catastrophe is not limited to old people. Did you know that stroke is the sixth leading cause of death in children?
What makes you old? Having lived a long time. What makes you young? Having lived a short time. Period. The end. Sheesh, what's the big deal?
12
I happened to read this column on my 67th birthday. Am I old?0f course. When I hear people say, 60 is the new 30, I think that is absolute nonsense. However, I ride an off the track thoroughbred six days a week. One of my idols is Queen Elizabeth, who has been photographed riding well into her late 80’s. My husband, who is 72, has trouble walking. I think the writer of this column neglects to address the strong genetic component in aging or growing old.
17
At 78, I still have plenty of work to do. My good wife has no interest whatsoever in paying our bills or doing the taxes. Plus there's always something that needs doing for the kids, the dog and the cats. Each day brings new responsibilities. Trump's outrages cannot be ignored. Tom Brady did not have a particularly good day yesterday. I'd like to go see the new Spider Man
movie. The garbage needs to be put out again. There is a new Churchill book on my bed table that's begging to be read. The country is in a terrible mess and I worry about it constantly. I need to get to synagogue more often. My blood sugar got a little low last night. I think a lot about my parents and need to visit their graves more often. The days chase each other like kittens. I believe it is going to rain today.
98
@A. Stanton William Wilson Richardson mr. Stanton it isnice to know little more of you and I too am concerned about these incompetent fools in charge . . . I have lived here all of my life, s0 I will not bore you with stories about how dallas usedto ":be"but I always recognize your name here . . . take care
William Wilson dallas press club 1981 . . . r.h.s 1965
5
And younger people wonder what we do all day! Keep thinking and keep busy!
I was called "Ma'am" for the first time when I was only 17 (by a very polite bag boy at a supermarket who may have been older than I was), so it did not bother me for many years, as I didn't associate it with being old.
However, now that I am 45, I feel absolutely murderous whenever I am addressed as such.
Context is everything.
5
I always say: what’s wrong with old? I mean- the issue is not when or even what- it’s like let’s stop thinking that something is inherently negative if it is old.
8
My husband is 14 years younger than my 65 years so I always thought I had to stay pretty young and active for quite a while so we could have a life together as we married only 15 years ago. As it turned out, he is the one who has had some health problems we hope will be resolved and I have been the bouncy, perky one (fingers crossed) keeping things together. I was glad to see that 65 is the new 55 as we need the time. We love to travel and there are so many places to go yet. My doctor says I'm in pretty good shape, though of course I need to exercise more. Here's hoping...
5
Maybe old people aren't respected precisely because many who've earned the designation reject it. At 72, I call myself old, though I'm healthy, active and often told I don't look my age. I'm fine with being an old lady and willing to claim it. It's a good place to be.
17
I'm seventy, going on 71. In my own mind, I'm about 45 but only because I started a second family when I was 58. The easiest way to stay young (that I've found) is to have a sympathetic wife and twin 12 year olds who don't let me get old. I have to stay current on both the social and technical sciences (kids get algebra and hard science in the 7th grade - who knew?). They find my past interesting in small doses; they want to talk current events. I don't go sledding anymore, but I get up to take them to school, retrieve them at days end, cook meals, and teach them and so on. I don't have time to get "old". And I'm reminded of Satchel Paige's comment "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were." Hence, I'm 45.
12
I quit working a couple of years ago so that my wife and I can travel and take it easy. I'm 60 and in excellent health, so I think I have at least a decade or two before I feel "old." That will happen when I can no longer do the physical things I enjoy, like swimming, hiking, and biking, or when I lose the mental capacity to actively engage in challenging conversations, reading, and writing.
5
Not to be overly broad, but one reason Mr. Rubenstein might feel so vibrant, while the author's 68 y/o poet friend feels 'old' is gender.
Women (vs. men) and and hormones and bone density. Those factors are game changer for the female sex, and it can age -- or kill -- you very quickly on numerous fronts.
5
Everytime I remember (!) I'm 70,
I remember my poor sister who died at 60,
who missed a decade...
Everyday is a gift. Thank God.
32
I see some of the people here talking about all the physical exercise they get as if it’s a sign of their virtue. We don’t all have that choice. I’m 72 and have a relatively mild case of Post Polio Syndrome with fatigue as the main symptom. I retired from my career as a college professor two years ago. Walking used to be a big part of my life, but now in order to conserve energy I have to limit it mainly to getting around New York City, mainly getting from the subway to and from where I’m going. My museum visits have dropped dramatically since standing is even more tiring than walking. I tend to stay home 2-3 days a week. I went on my first cruise this summer, now that I can afford travel that I couldn’t before, and could only manage a few shore excursions because I need to sleep long hours and get up late.
Mentally I’m young for my age. My cultural and intellectual tastes are sophisticated. I enjoy going to talks and classes and read about 100 books a year. I see a lot of independent films and, recently, a lot of avant-garde African American theater. But I also get frightened when my fatigue makes it hard for me to keep my apartment uncluttered and wear makeup every day, and that makes me feel old and somewhat frightened. Recently when I’ve traveled, I seem to come home not only tired, but with a slightly but permanently lowered level of energy than before the trip. Post Polio Syndrome has no treatment or cure, and can progress with overexertion.I’ve begun to feel old.
12
I am 73. Just retired this month.
I keep thinking I’ll be old when I’m 80.
4
Old, no matter how one defines it, or denies it, is for the birds. Having said that, enjoy while you can.
9
I'm old but proud of my age, 78. I'm fortunate and I can say this is one of the happiest times of my life. I've seen both my sons happily married, and so far my husband and I are in good health. But thank all the gods for modern medicine!
10
I find the majority of commentators on this topic to be completely narsistic.
Want to stay young? Have someone depend on you. And not to bring a bottle of wine to the next outing.
How about becoming a foster parent? How about adopting a teenager? How about starting a company and hiring older workers?
One of my neighbors is hosting a 15 year-old exchange student from Japan. She is 75 and has to drive the girl to and from school every day. My friend stopped working about 2 years ago and was completely bored. Her grandkids are grown and on with their own lives.
I bet caring for this young woman has added years to her life. And she will live on for decades in the heart of this teen.
Living in service of others is truly the life extension secret.
20
@C...You are so right!...about 5 years ago my girlfriend said that our senior center needs a board member...now I call bingo, and do other things to raise money and help out with parties and holidays...and I feel younger doing things for others.
1
I suspected I was old when, while teaching a class of young social workers, I used the analogy "They go together like love and marriage..." -- at least I was embarrassed. At an advanced age, older than most posters here but not telling, I am still working as a psychotherapist. It's a profession where age is an asset, because I remind EVERYONE of their mother. It's exciting and stimulating work, and there is so much research to keep up on and new stuff to learn. For me at least, the way to stay vital (if not young) is to have a sense of humor (too serious not to laugh) and be useful. Also, have a loving spouse, grown up kids you like, grandchildren, and as someone else has pointed out, be lucky enough to afford Medicare and a gap policy. I have advanced AMD (dry and now wet too) and am daunted but not defeated. Beats the alternative, as my mother used to say.
9
Yesterday, a clerk at a store where I shop warned me that starting in January, only people over 65 would qualify for a senior discount. He made my day. I'm 82 and still going strong.
27
@Jo Ann C. Brava, Jo Ann!
2
@Jo Ann C...that was nice...I will try to remember to say something nice to another senior.
2
Some years ago, a depressed older friend of mine asked why I would want to live into old age. Half in jest, I replied,"Because I'm a slow learner." Now alive, alert, and active at 75, I would give the same answer. Old/schmold. Keep learning, keep moving, keep feeling. As Bob Dylan put it, (I'm changing the gender of the pronoun), "She not busy being born is busy dying."
15
I’m not sure when I will be old. I turned 85 this summer. To celebrate, I went on a two week European Roots trip with four family members. We went to four
countries and six cities. I walked an average of seven miles every day and hiked up 160 steps on the first day of our adventure. I try to walk five miles every day. I volunteer, write a blog on coping
with hearing loss, (I’m profoundly hard of hearing), paint and go to a Fall Stop exercise class once a week. When I get tired, I take a 20 minute power nap. Onward!
30
Why are all the associations with "old" so negative? "Old" can also suggest experience, knowledge and wisdom.
34
"Old" is most clearly manifested in the way one does risk-benefit analysis. As you get older, no matter what action you are considering, the list of risks grows longer, and the list of benefits shrinks. Age also significantly reduces the time lapsed between doing something and regretting doing it. Sometimes these two begin to overlap, like drinking and getting hangover...
6
There’s a lot to what you’re saying. I thought my dad was reckless when he was 90 but that’s what kept him young.
I’ve learned the lesson: better to die than stop taking risks.
A probable terminal diagnosis this year has me thinking of myself at age 60 as being old and wanting to think of myself that way. Who wants to die young?
15
I wish I'd died young. In my early twenties would have been none too soon, as far as I'm concerned. Part of me definitely knew I should have, too. Unfortunately, my suicide gesture when I was 22 was just that - nothing more than a gesture.
I believe in reincarnation. I wish I'd ended this lifetime when I was young, and returned to take my chances on a subsequent life. I doubt it would have been even as remotely horrible and horrific as this on has been.
I am old. I am barely 63, but I feel as though I am ancient. Decrepit, wretched, thoroughly miserable. I have felt old for a long time, too. It often feels as though this life is interminable. I fear that I will continue to become ever more decrepit and wretched for many decades to come. Perhaps worst of all, at this point I don't feel that I have the capacity to end my life, no matter how intensely I feel I ought to or might desire to.
Recently at a Smashing Pumpkins concert a young man gave me a fist bump and a young woman told me I was awesome and gave me a big hug. I think I received this attention because I am a half century older than almost all of the people there. Does this make me old? Next time I will take a walker. Who knows how much lovin' I would get then.
22
@Susan I audit university classes and I know what you mean about young people. They're like that - so sweet.
6
I am 68 and still teach and backpack alone in the summer. I travel the world by myself. I al always studying languages. However, sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder who stole my face!
55
@Janice I think that is one part that can be quite difficult, as "vain" as it may seem. We might FEEL the same as we age, but we look in the mirror, or at photographs of ourselves, and we see a stranger staring back. Watching your face change and age can be disconcerting, and I think it's OK to admit that.
26
@Janice...why did you have to bring that up...I ask, myself, every time when I'm shaving, where did my good looks go...who has them?...if it were not for my GF, who says all the time, you look wonderful...and I say Oh yeah.
4
Do what you want for as long as you can. Don't let anyone else, or certainly any number, define you.
22
My stroke at 55 brought weaker health but stronger humility: it made me more human by eliciting deeper appreciation for the variation of physical resorces from one individual to the next.
To be specific, I discovered what it's like to lose a part of one's brain. This changes things. It alters your outlook on life.
As one who lived and earned a living by his wits, now at 71 the value of those wits begins to fade. Always proudful of my facility for memory and language, today I'm having a problem with names, and even with simple nouns. My thoughts remain clear and well-considered; just not as commodious or facile as once they were.
Oh well, I'm happy: moreso than before. I learned that stress is a Moloch, a great destroyer - so I've banished it from my life.
17
I will be 65 in May and am delighted to be old. I am 12 years out from treatment for breast cancer and celebrate each birthday with joy and cake. I hope to be much older, but am happy to be here.
If I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I either don’t look or I focus on my bright blue eyes.
As a former OR nurse who worked in a trauma center, I saw so many people who never got the chance to be an adult, much less old. In the past 6 months, I buried a nephew at 42 and a sister at 65.
I am able to do most activities that I want and have the good sense to avoid those that may now be beyond my reach. I enjoy my life and hope to do so for a long while.
23
I'm nearing seventy. Most of my friends are in their 30's, 40's, and 50's. Why? Because they are inquisitive and interesting, and as interested in me as I am in them. I love learning new ideas and about technological advances and the implications for the future.
I still take online professional development workshops and listen to podcasts, like Ted Talks, religiously. My body, while slowing down, is in great shape for 69 and I refuse to kow tow to the traditional idea of agism (greeting grandma effusively, then settling her in a corner to be ignored).
I am strong for my age, my mind is still active and capable of learning new ideas, and I will continue to enjoy every minute of every day with every fiber of my being.
16
Get real. Is 60 middle-aged? Do you expect to live to 120?
Old doesn’t mean decrepit but it means you have passed the big 6-0. I’m 65, still working for a living, still going out with friends to dinner, a movie, a show but I feel old as the hills some days. Some days I think I have morphed into my father when he was 80.
11
"Old" is rigidity and a hardening of attitude. To be flexible in tbought and experience is to maintain the newness of youth. We must honor the old in our society for what they have endured and for their contributions. The baby society of America has a long way to go in its understanding and perspective.
13
The Grand Canyon - now THAT's old.
Me, I'll be youthful until the point where I can no longer care for myself.
18
I'm 63. I base my decisions about what I can do on my capabilities and my interests. As a teenager, I basically had a photographic memory and during tests, I could see textbook pages in my mind. Not so these days. But I recently played solo at a farmers' market for 2 1/2 hours without having music or lyrics in front of me. I took longer breaks than I used to. And I didn't make many mistakes. The older version of me was wise enough to heed the advice of a younger musician, that audiences respond better to a musician who makes contact with them.
Dictionaries define "old" as having lived a lot of years. Statistics show that people 55 and over are less than a third of the U.S. population. So 63, compared to most Americans, and most people in history, is old. The problem isn't being old, it's seeing "old" as pejorative. I'm sure I'm not as smart in an IQ or memory sense as I was any number of decades ago, but I believe I understand life better and make better use of my knowledge. And it's nice to have people hold doors for me, or ask me if I want to sit down, or if I need help with bags. Often I decline, but on a hot day when I've been walking around downtown and someone offers me a seat on Metro, first I look around to see if someone looks like they need it more than me, and if not, I'll take it. The last "round number" birthday on which I felt some dread was 30. When I lived through that, I realized it's a waste of time and energy to fight life.
14
At 70, I sail, fly, bike, swim and learn just as well as I did 20 years ago (as far as I can tell). And yet, every day someone finds a subtle way to let me know I'm old. The worst is that I can't step into a full tram or train without someone getting up to offer me their seat.
14
Midway between 75-76 - seven years ago diagnosed with CLL, which kicked in this past Spring. Played football until I was 45 -- worked out 5 days a week at the Y -- swam, ran, walked, hiked, wrote, painted, photographed, made art. Now, chemo, blood transfusions and constant exhaustion are my routine. I still make it to the Y 3-4 times a week -- I swim, bike, lift, go for hour walks. I'm back to writing -- working on third novel, with two more in their beginning stages. Never give in -- you can overcome nearly everything. The mind is stronger than the body. Fight.
18
I like "Old is my age, plus four." Right now, according to my birthdate, I'm 73, just returned a few days ago from traveling alone from California to British Columbia, drove 6 hours this weekend to visit a hospitalized daughter (yes. Only 60 miles, but in Southern California, that's 6 hours) and shall head off to work tomorrow at 4:30 am. I'm hosting a party this week and attending several other parties too. This weekend, I cleaned the house and am off to the movies tonight. Am I old? Yes, but that's OK.
17
I'm 77, heart failure, smart and alert, severe anemia, wicked sense of humor, severe osteoarthritis in both knees, named "top fan" by Red Sox based on my writing about them. The other day at lunch w friend in her late 60s, " at 77" ....and she raced to say " You don't look 77." I'm sure she meant it as a complement but it really isn't. Looking 77 is not to be dreaded, especially if one is 77! Of course I look 77 because I am 77 and I look like what I see in the mirror. In my world I define being 77.
21
I didn't feel old (I'm 63) until I fractured and sprained my ankle. Months of being in a boot not being able to go up and down stairs to do what needed to be done. It changed me, the physical therapy helped but I am terrified of falling or injuring my ankle on a crooked sidewalk, lumpy parking lot, the ice and snow we will eventually have here this winter. I feel old now and sad.
30
@HOOVER That’s an eye opening injury. It makes you feel terribly vulnerable but it sounds like you are physically recovering. It happened to me too and I agree that being incapacitated makes you feel old, but at 63 you are hardly old. It’s natural to feel apprehensive but if it’s making you sad and maybe even isolated then it’s time to seek medical help just as you did physical therapy. You have so many active years ahead.
7
At 67, I have been feeling for some time now that I have to - soon - answer the question, "What do I want to be when I grow up". Time's running out.
A couple of months ago I started a diet. Started a bedroom rehab so I could rent my place out during the winter, go someplace warm, meet new friends.
Then went to the eye doc thinking I needed new glasses and was told I have macular degeneration. Am just coming out of that shock right now.
I have had a lot of trauma in my life, a lot of chronic pain/inflammation which I always attributed to a lot of stress in childhood. In addition to that, I've had psychological trauma/abuse to deal with. I'm always recovering from something, it seems. But I had just gotten to a good place and boom, another challenge.
I have been terrified of going blind since I was a child. And now there is this chance, already a big chance, that I'll lose my sight. I feel like crawling into a hole somewhere and just going to sleep. I don't think I have the wherewithal to meet this new challenge and it scares me.
And then....to look in the mirror and almost be startled by the stranger looking back at me.....
Ah well. Life is one challenge after another. I've always been able to meet those challenges. Not so sure this time.
21
@sophia, I get a feeling of inner strength from you and feel that you'll meet this challenge too. In the meantime, while you have your sight, you might want to prepare for various levels of vision, research options while easy to research on the web. Wishing you well.
20
@sophia
Just wanted you to know you're not alone. I haven't gone to the eye doctor for fear of getting bad news. Foolish, I know.
Also with you on the trauma and inflammation and stress fronts.
It all takes a toll.
All we can do is the best we can.
Be yourself, let people help as much as you can / are comfortable with ... I wish you only the best.
4
@sophia That's a tough diagnosis and hard to adjust to -- I've been taking the AREDS vitamins for a few years to slow the progress, and in January found one eye has gone wet -- getting treatment for this now. There are advances in treatment and more all the time as the population ages. My Mom was pretty totally blind in her late eighties; never diagnosed with AMD I'm sure now that's what it was. Take your vitamins as prescribed by your ophthalmologist and keep fighting the good fight. Check the web for news of Judi Dench; she too has both wet and dry AMD and is staying positive ... not easy. Good luck to you.
5
Well, I guess the most important thing is to pick the right parents (I'm 85) Try to be more and more active, particularly mentally. You have many years of life experiences which you can share , and thus help, others of any age. We have had the enormously gratifying experience of helping several people integrate back into society after years in prison.
From a personal standpoint I spend much time researching and performing music, mostly about 100 to 150 years old.
10
Well, I guess the most important thing is to pick the right parents (I'm 85) Try to be more and more active, particularly mentally. You have many years of life experiences which you can share , and thus help, others of any age. We have had the enormously gratifying experience of helping several people integrate back into society after years in prison.
From a personal standpoint I spend much time researching and performing music, mostly about 100 to 150 years old.
The efforts of man are analogous to a coral reef where you have a thin layer of living mater on top of the shells of dead coral.
4
I was in my 40s the first time a retail person gave me a seniors' discount. As a vain person who did not think she looked 'old' in the least, I admit my feelings were badly hurt. The retail person could see the pain in my face and excused it by saying they sometimes gave senior discounts not because people looked older but just because they were favored customers. Now, at 58, I say bring on those discounts! The more the merrier.
16
By anyone’s definition, the leaders of the next United States Congress are old. Do we really want individuals with failing bodies and vulnerable minds wielding the most influential power in our society? With all of the dissatisfaction that voters express with regard to the ineffectiveness of government, why do we continue to return individuals of advanced age to elective office?
11
Old??? I am 61 and can still heli ski with the best of them, I don’t jump but I can handle any steep and deep descent. Staying active has been my only rule
6
One is as "young" as one can be whenever able to complete whatever needs to be achieved. I found the article interesting...maybe a tad depressing for anyone over 70.
4
You are old if you think you are old. I am78 and worked till I was 71. I am lucky I have good health, but if I didn't I would surely be feeling old. The only person who cares is you.
7
@Margaret
I am 77 and worked until I was 71 and only retired then because my younger work mates became disrespectful. I have good health and an inquisitive mindset...I have no problem with “old” ...nobody gets out alive and some, many even, never got to experience the joys of aging.
12
What’s wrong with old?
48
"Old" is a puzzle to me. My parents are dead and so are my four siblings. I am the last of us and I have trouble figuring out how this happened and what, if anything, it means.
I was the baby of the family, and until the past few years I always thought of myself as being young, the same age as the people I happened to be with at the time, no matter what their ages. Sometimes now, when friends refer to "people our age," I have to remind them that I am no longer "our age."
This year, my oldest brother died at 95, clearheaded, active, funny. Not from ill health, a fluke—he fell and broke his hip.
I wonder if I will live another eleven years to his age, and if I do, will I be as strong as he was? It seems unlikely because I had an operation for pancreatic cancer two years ago that has an average survival rate of two to five years. Doctors marvel at my amazing recovery, but I am acutely aware that I could be on borrowed time.
I think about death and it seems too strange to comprehend. Each of us is the center of a story, the star of our own show, and when we are gone, that story will no longer exist. How could it, without us?
28
@dutchiris: I disagree that our story will "no longer exist" - *we* may not be here physically, but those with whom we interacted (or upon whom we had an impact) will remember us and talk about us. (Just ask anyone about their favorite teacher! Some of mine have been dead for decades, but the ways they affected me still impact my life.)
If our stories didn't exist without us, then everyone from Shakespeare to Abraham Lincoln to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. would mean nothing to anyone after their deaths - and we know that's not the case.
15
@L
The stories you refer to are public stories, the histories that everyone can know.
The story I mean is the private one, the one that lives in your head and puts together myriad experiences, perceptions, dreams, the complex story that only you know and that must disappear when you die.
10
@dutchiris
Recent research confirming vastly greater well-being of children who know their family histories was illuminating. Of course, not all families have children, but sharing one's experiences with others (particularly younger "others") is passes a relay torch. Your life is important to everyone. If you are so inclined, perhaps writing some of your "private" story might be a present to the future. I too was always "the youngest" and now am not. It's a weighty transition, isn't it?
5
My dad passed 4 years ago at 108.5. He rarely talked about his age or getting old. When he retired as an engineer at 65 he began a fix it business in his retirement village. He said “Work won’t kill you but “retirement” will”. Old is relative. I’m 67 and still teaching at the post grad university level and enjoying it. Stay active.
25
Looks like your dad had you when he was 65 and had just retired! Amazing
I remember quite clearly a few of the scenes from the presentation of the play of Peter Pan on Broadway back in 1928. I was two years old at the time and mightily impressed by Peter's final joyful flight over the audience and close approach to my balcony seat. I resolved, at that moment, to learn to fly like Peter and out of that resolve, entered the US Army Air Force in 1944. I'm still working on that, but, like Peter, have remained young as I approach my 93rd birthday this coming February.
29
I’d say God bless you, but it seems he’s already done that!
12
@Brad
Aside from a broken arm I am now recovering from after slipping on the ice here in Helsinki, I am active and in good physical condition. Global warming worries me so I am eagerly watching genetic engineering developments for the time I can be re-engineered into a cactus that can prosper in the added heat and fully enjoy the plentiful CO2 . Considering that the vast intellect that comes with being human merely leads to brutal wars and ecological destruction, getting rid of a brain will be a great relief.
17
Young until 80. Then health starts to go downhill. The secret to long life is to keep doing what you love. Keep painting, keep learning, keep reading.Age, except for the physical condition is really only a number.
15
I recently had an encounter with an “older fellow” in a parking lot. The interaction did not end to his satisfaction. In a fit of pique, he said, “When you’re old and handicapped, maybe you’ll grow up”. I’m sixty-six years old. If I’m not “grown up” by now, it’s not likely happen.
13
I will know I am "old" when authoritarian leaders look good to me.
8
@Mary Ellen Daniels
What an interesting (and frightening) comment considering the Trump administration.
1
how much of the negative attitude of younger Americans toward the old, or anyone older than they are, has to do with older people being seen as sucking up resources like money, real estate, and healthcare out of proportion to their numbers, leaving younger generations to squabble over crumbs?
5
@[email protected] Yes, all those seniors living on EARNED SS benefits which are 60% below Federal poverty level should feel ashamed, right?
12
Many old folks help out the younger ones. We are about to help our daughter buy a house, as our father helped us. We —snd many others- also help pay her student loan. And we babysit.
Families still exist.
4
Having turned 70, I always smile to think of Paul Simon's song "Old" written for his 50th birthday in which he opines something along the lines of "I'm not old. You want old? God is old."
I suppose it's all relative.
5
I will be 75 in March--and have mobility problems from arthritis and use a walker--no more walks, which I actually miss now that I can't take them...My friends and I kid all the time about how our Golden Years are at best, Tin Years. We wander through life-trying to avoid excessive medical encounters, which never end well for us. Like a cat I used to have, which lived to 22, we walk around not dying...and pursue our hobbies and joys along with the interfamilial jousting, which seems to come with many yrs in the same fam group. Are we old? Sure. But not old old--that would be my aunt--102.
10
Suppose I am not old old, or entirely same old, but I think it is worthwhile to keep 'em guessing! Before my recent b'day I looked over my neglected LinkedIn profile and erased my first job, which was bootstrappy and colorful, but not pertinent. And it gave away my age, which could make trouble for me yet, since I am on the hook for child support till 70.
2
@G. Henderson, any paying child support is to be avoided because?
3
As we live longer, more emphasis should be placed on the quality of those later years. While being "old" is often a state of mind, it is also to some extent dependent on your personal situation - if you are wealthy, have had access to good health care, and haven't worked at hard physical labor, you are much more likely to not be considered "old" at 70 than someone who has worked hard physically, been unable to access medical when needed and doesn't have the funds to hire help when needed. I consider myself lucky as I enter my early 60s as I am very healthy and agile. I am also a full time caregiver to my 86 year old mother. The last month, for example, has been filled with an exhausting round of hospital, rehab in a nursing home, back to the hospital to treat the infection that developed due to her hip replacement, back to the nursing home, back to the hospital to have the picc line replaced because it wasn't functioning and back to the nursing home. The next 5 weeks will require me to infuse her 3 times a day - 6 am, 2 pm and 10 pm- because her insurance will cover all the expenses for that along with home health, but will not pay for it in a skilled nursing facility. I can say this - if you get old and end up in a nursing home, the quality of life is not something to look forward to. Aging and how "old" you are is more than a state of mind - it's a function of economic security, access to quality care and genetics.
28
It’s “hear, hear.”
2
Evolution says you are unnecessary baggage once you reproduce and get you children to be self supporting.
By that definition, thanks to my kids I may never be old.....
52
Old is always 15 years more than your current age.
6
"Age is only a number"
that doesn't count
until your number is up.
11
Why do you assume that "old" is some how a bad thing?! I find that the older I get the more perspective I have on life and unfolding events. I look at youth and appreciate the energy they bring but also recognize a kind of naiveté that I too had when younger. There is a lot to be said for life experience and the way old people can see things that younger people simply can't. We should be relishing and plumbing the depths of old people regardless of whether they are active runners or arthritic hobblers. They have life experience and often more grounded hormones to boot. This article is all about the panic of young people in a society that fails to appreciate their elders. It's also about our culture's delusion of control. We all age. Some of us are lucky enough to have bodies that age well and others are less lucky. But we hate that this is really, truly mostly out of our control. When you are old, you understand this. When you are young, you often run around frantically trying to believe that you have ultimate control over health and aging. We may influence these things some or not at all, but we do not have control. Part of being old (notice i did not say "getting" old) is understanding this deep in your bones. It can help you see the world from a whole new angle. So enough with the articles that interview younglings about their fears of catching the "old" disease. How about an article that interviews the "old" about how their life experience guides their view of the world.
36
I was having my nails done when we all started playing that game that we play: how old do you think I am? The proprietor's young daughter piped up, " I'm only nine years old. Everyone looks old to me." There you have it.
8
@Marylyn Once my mother said to us, "The girls are coming over," meaning her friends. My sister asked, "The old girls or some young girls?"
5
I have been hearing I appear "distinguished" recently. I guess that means old. 58.
2
Steven, there is an aphorism I quite like that is appropriate here: the trick is to die young. As late as possible.
8
As I passed my 80th birthday last fall, I too wonder when I will be "old" and what it will be like. I still regularly hike the mountains of Arizona, build fine furniture in the wood
shop, regularly present papers at engineering symposia and am active in local politics. I do not wish to slow down, and I think, I am still relevant and can still contribute. Though I do fear that when others find out how old I am I will become less relevant.
24
@Julia Ellegood Sounds like you won't have that problem...you have a lot going on. I am slowed down but have started a third career---animation, cartoons...I think my peers are shocked that an old gal is in this biz.
4
My Grandpa died earlier this year at 102 years and nine months, cycling through the years where all but one sister had died (my Grandma has been dead almost 40 years!), all of his friends and many of his friends children, with a gusto and joie de vivre that made him my hero. My mother, his daughter, holds the torch now and along with my step-dad is planning their third rim to rim Grand Canyon hike, just took a hot air balloon ride around town and rode the second longest zip-line in the world (mom bowed out on this one). My new heroes.
9
On my 75th birthday in Mexico with my grown son and DIL, I laughed as I told them with amazement that I'd always described myself as middle-aged. I amended that assessment, but only publicly.
4
I am sixty eight and feel ancient emotionally because I work at Wal-Mart with Very Young People who tend to get worked up over nothings. It is more tiring than the physical work.
75
I am confused about how to determine if one is truly old. I have older friends who run around like the Energizer Bunny. I have younger friends who are ready for a rocking chair at a senior center. Am I old? I do not know. My undergraduates consider me ancient and have little or no understanding of any cultural references I use in class. I prefer vintage entertainment to what is most popular in music and television today. I look older as my hair is largely gone, and my beard has transitioned to all white. People call me "sir." I struggle at times with technology. I have aches and pains but otherwise fall right in the middle of every medical test. I know that I am not the man I never was physically speaking. But I am far more engaged and open to new ideas than my father who retired at 56 and began his long march to the grave the very next day. In the end, the most important determinant for me is whether I feel relevant. From a professional standpoint, it is better to leave the stage early with one's dignity intact rather than linger as faculty deadwood. Personally, I will take Willie Nelson's advice and note that "I woke still not dead again today." Every day is a gift which is why I must now get off the internet and go for a walk.
37
I am 70 and do not think of myself as old, perhaps no longer young.
I have chosen to live near Squamish, BC for the lifestyle. In Spring, Fall and Autumn I mountain bike blue and black diamond trails 3-4 days per week on average of 2-hours per day. I am still getting better. In the winter I downhill ski and ski-tour. We hike the mountains all year around.
I am blessed with my wife and duaughters (who still seek me out and share similar interests) and a few friends of similar age to go out and play with.
I have been active without interruption since I was 25. I have had my injuries. My message is never quit.
17
@Another rational adult
"I am still getting better." Love it! Something to look forward to.
4
@Another rational adult So jealous--some of you are what my friends and I call "toreador women," You know, those hale and hearties shown in ads striding along in toreador pants? They are pictured in every brochure from Medicare health plans.
3
We were 65 when we met and soon I was on my very first of many motorcycle rides. After the bike was rear-ended he was delighted to find an identical vintage replacement (for the bike, not me). Since then I have maintained home vigils until he reappears. I have deliberately dedicated that time to working in my art studio, keeping in mind the adage "there are no old artists".
Now we are 81 and he is selling the bike to a dad who will take his young son to Alaska (and back) next summer.
Aging is about reality and illusion and perception but so is most everything else.
21
You are as old as you feel. I am 71 and honestly feel little along the lines of being old. I lift weights as I always have since my 20s and the sense of physical strength and lack of aches and pains is rewarding. I read a lot and watch my diet. My weight is now the same as it has been for approximately the last 35 years. Thoughtfulness is as important to aging well in addition to good genetics, in other words, I have few health issues. Oh well, I am still young so things may change.
10
For me, a 70 year old, “old” is when you cease or have never been receptive to new, novel, unsettling ideas and perspectives. Some people are “old” at 25, while others are not at 90. There does certainly seem to be a strong correlation between conservatism and old, versus progressive and young. The expression “young at heart” has a lot of truth to it.
41
I just had to have minor wrist surgery and during the preop exam the surgeon started dictating his notes in front of me. “Patient is a young 66 year old woman who is very active.” Note, the 33 year old surgeon did not say “young looking” or “young seeming”. He said and meant “a young 66 year old” as opposed to a normal 66 year old, or an old 66 year old.
Too anxious about my surgery to ask questions, I wondered what he meant by that phrase as it seemed so matter-of-fact as to have some actual medical significance. As for the “active” part, I travel nine weeks a year, and spend my down time on the ipad planning the next trip. No running, jogging or stair climbing for me. My blood work numbers all fall smack in the middle of the “normal” range and my only medication is Zyrtec. People routinely say I look ten years younger than I am.
Is there a young vs old distinction medically recognized as separate from numerical age? I was hoping this article would speak to that.
11
@Ann Sounds good--why not just accept it....?
1
@Ann Every old woman, myself included, thinks she looks ten years younger than her age. People are being kind.
6
@fireweed, the doctor wasn’t being kind. He was writing up a clinical assessment of my health in advance of surgery. Surgeons don’t put that type of stuff in your medical file to be nice to you. He was making a clinical assessment of my ability to do well under the knife. His clinical assessment was that I am young and should respond to a surgical procedure as a young person would. Nobody is out to flatter you or be kind to you when making medical decisions. It is what it is.
5
When my mind and/or body have deteriorated to such a state that one or the other or both have completely destroyed or severely eroded any enjoyment I have for life, I might then say, "I am old." Old age cannot, however, be defined by a number but rather more on my circumstances (health, social support system, finances), attitude, and/or whether I have given up hope. Major factors that could impact this are my ability to be independent, attend to my own personal, housekeeping, and financial needs (although not necessarily doing them myself) and most certainly health. BTW, I am 74.
4
I love this idea of a brave new older generation. Perhaps we shall find more and better innovators in people who have experienced this world and it’s problems longer. I don’t believe in the aging of the mind. The differential between the aging of the mind and body is really what should drive one to explore the world in myriad ways. So if you can’t walk what’s to stop you from using google earth. Depression and a singularly lazy mind is what leads to a terrible old age. It is lovely knowing that there are so many young minded people out there enriching our world.
5
As Satchel Paige used to say: "Age is a question of 'mind over matter' -- if you don't mind, it doesn't matter".
Surprised I didn't see that reference when I scanned the comments before posting; if I missed it, well, as on of my law profs used to say: "Surplusage doesn't vitiate".
12
Article was interesting, thank you! My 97 year old Dad, who smoked since age eleven, quit when our oldest daughter was born at age 56. I told him he would not live to see Her grow up, unless he gave up smoking! He lived a long fulfilling life, he lived fully each day even after being widowed. From him , I learned how to grow old gracefully, how to embrace each day given to me as a gift. Age is a number, you are as “old” as you believe you are.
At 65, with some health issues, I’m thrilled to be alive each day. Life is what you make it, a decision we make.
12
But I'm too young to be old! On the outside, I may be a creaky 64 but on the inside, my emotional age goes from 6 to 32!
12
I’m old enough to know I had better do my travels to exhausting, distant destinations of globe now!
After all, who knows how mobility declines in another decade might prevent me from climbing ruins, hiking jungles, hiking up Japanese mountain trails, enduring 14+ hour nonstop flight got etc.
8
Yes, Jean, go NOW!!
I was fortunate to be able to travel in my teens and twenties. I hiked, toured, and studied overseas and then took a job which required travel. I did this for well over 40 years and now health issues prevent the level of activity in the past.
Many of my friends have said they’ll travel when they retire.
Again I repeat, GO NOW.
30
if you don't know if you're really up to it, buy a one way ticket.
you don't qualify as old until you know it's too late for you to die young.
the best idea is to live as long as you can be alive, then die... and not have life artificially prolonged into an endless misery for yourself and your loved ones.
5
@Joanna
I grew up in Brooklyn and Manhattan New York City before WWII and spent my long life seeking understanding and knowledge rather than money although money minimum requirements are necessary . I have lived in Paris, West Berlin, Israel, and finally settled in Helsinki, Finland and discovered wonderful and wise people in all these places. The concept of a " foreigner" no longer exists in my mind. We are all citizens of this extraordinary planet.
4
Both my father and my grand father died at 74. I am 77. To me, each day is a gift to be savored.
It is not the length or life, but the quality of yout
17
@Piper Pilot
"What's a yout?" - Live well.
1
Age is a number. Although I am 82, I see myself as a 62 year old, meaning I can do everything I did at that age, just a bit slower.
This Holiday Season I work at Costco in the wine department where it's a pleasure to talk, sell, and regale customers with the benefits and varieties of wine. Besides supplementing social security, I do it for the mental and physical challenges which are immediate. In fact, I have worked at a variety of jobs for three months a year from Christmas tree sales to Amazon for the past ten years. Nothing like my professional days as a college instructor, but each one has taught me a great deal and forced me to keep in decent physical shape.
I have never thought myself as old. I'll leave that to others. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the occasional lobster from Maine with a local Pinot Gris from Oregon and plan our next van camping trip down to the remoteness of Baja California Sur.
48
@David Michael good for you, David! Cheers!
6
Listen to a song by OneRepublic “I Lived”.
“You live until you die.”
Get out amongst them and do everything you can every day.
8
As Groucho Marx once said, “You’re only as old as the woman you feel.”
10
@Paul O
Groucho also mentioned that time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana. I have learned to fly like a Piper Cub pilot and I still am fond of bananas.
1
It is a privilege to grow old.
98
@Helen Elder - love the irony of your name/handle, but I would say that it is a privilege to grow old comfortably. Otherwise, it is a slow descent into the horrors of all the losses.
14
I believe you are officially “old” when most of your conversations are about parts of your body that are failing and under repair ... about friends you have lost (or are in the prcess of losing) ... and when you speak largely in the past tense.
28
@Jim Healthy
At almost 93, with global warming, the near future looks particularly tense to me.
9
It’s Hear, hear!, not Here, here.
12
There, there.
3
Old for a butterfly, young for a star.
61
@Henry Hewitt - GREAT LINE!!!
8
@Henry Hewitt Awww. That’s a nice one!
1
At age 78 I was wondering aloud if I should continue dying my hair, and if going gray would make me look old. My 7 year-old grandson replied, “You are old, so you should look old.”
46
@Ruth Cohen I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks. Your grandson's reply is "right on!" In the past year I have gone from blonde to white, and despite being 74, I wondered if this transition made me look old. I have thought, "If not now, when? After all, I am 74." Your grandson's comment seals any lingering doubts. A perfect reality check that allows me to move on to other goals: lighten up, be kind, and hit the gym.
31
@Ruth Cohen This also made me laugh! You have a comedian on your hands. I'm 60 and broken down (3 spine fractures, that is just at the top of a long list of ailments), but get up every day, walk around my neighborhood or walk in the pool at the gym (highly recommed the pool to everyone!). It will save your body. I say dye your hair! I would dye mine if I had any! Went for the shaved bald look when in my late 40's and it was obvious that was that! Saved on the barber bill, but the razor blades are more expensive! Wish you the best.
6
Our conception of 'Old' needs a revisit. In the '50s old was 60 years of age...a grandmother with gray hair, paunch, sitting in a rocker knitting. My grandfather was forced to retire at 65---at it almost killed him.
To my 20'something cable guy I'm old. But reality is people in their 70s are still working--and want to, still athletic, still looking forward to adventure. Mick Jagger, Cher are still performing. Old ain't what it used to be--despite the bad air quality and nutrition.
12
Be objective. Even if you take 100 as the "cutoff", 1-33 is young, 67 and up is old, and everything between is middle-age. If you want to be "actively engaged", play tennis, even run marathons or be the CEO of a major corporation, fine, but you're still old. And if you must an independent gauge of aging, track not how many social engagements you had last week, but how many pills you took.
4
Old is anyone older than I am.
27
@Lori Wilson
Old is over 90, I am 67, ask me again when I am 89...;)
1
You are old when you no longer care about what's happening in the world (climate change, anyone?) or other people's problems and how you can assuage them. You are old when you can't laugh at yourself and don't look for a sense of humor in others. You are old when whining is your way of communicating.
I taught until I was 76, still swim in the ocean every summer, and recently caught myself reading the astrology sign of a man I've become interested in. (that part of me is still 18).
Yes, people yield me their seat on the bus and I have gray streaks in my hair. I'm 78 with some serious health issues that do not stop me from being young at heart.
42
@alexandra Good for you! Enjoy!
2
I am 68 and not old. People take me for a person in her mid-fifties. I have exercised all my life — I’m a runner since 1979, before that a bicylist. I don’t smoke, stopped drinking 10 years ago, have not had a soft drink other than ginger ale (for stomach distress) since the 1970s, and eat fish several times a week and almost no red meat. We eat no processed foods.
Despite all this, when I lost my job 4 years ago in a restructuring, I could not find employment. No one would even look at my resume, and recruiters told me that my chances of finding another job - despite an Ivy League resume and excellent references — were virtually nil.
I started a small business, but was frantic. I was the chief support of my family and had not intended to “retire” - if ever - for many years. Having spent years in graduate and professional school and started a family late, I was nowhere near financially able to stop working.
And why should I have quit working? I was perfectly okay, running 3-4 miles daily, doing yoga daily, healthy, smart, etc. Why would no one consider me for a salaried job?
Finally, though friends, I was interviewed and employed. I’m doing okay now- three jobs: my business, my job, and another, part-time gig. I am not old; but I am scared. Age discrimination is irrational and can kill. And yes, I sought therapy; my therapist was as baffled and frustrated as I was about irrational age prejudice. “It’s crazy,” is what he said. “You should be working.”
120
@RCT I watched helplessly as my brother, 63, and recently laid-off in a mass company lay-off of 32 people, worked himself into a near breakdown looking for a new job.
He made a job of looking for a job and received few return phone calls and only a handful of interviews. But, he persisted and finally found a new position. It pays slightly less than his previous position, but it's a job and he's grateful.
The reality of age discrimination is a near constant fear of being laid off again and the irrational reluctance employers have of hiring older workers.
It's a reality we older workers must obliterate by demanding equal consideration and respect in the workplace, and by never giving in to age discrimination.
45
@RCT Thanks for the reality check. Aging is not only about how you feel if your 401(k) does not produce enought income for when health or age discrimination issues take you out of the labor force, or that part of it that pays a decent wage or salary. Health may be getting better for many as they age, but financial health is not as 401(k)s have replaced traditional pensions.
27
Yes, age discrimination is crazy and short-sighted. Companies give up older employees for what? To save money? They are letting important institutional knowledge walk out the door. I’m so glad you were able to find employment and start a business. Not everyone has the wherewithal to start a business, but you did! I hope it is going well for you. Best of luck to you.
5
Having been single for the past 16 years, (beginning in my early 50's) I've done more than my share of online dating, going to "meetups", participating in "Speed Dating" events, and the like. While certainly not a "beauty", I've always considered myself attractive and have never had a problem meeting/dating men....until now. After my most recent relationship ended, I took some time out, and then got back on the (now familiar) dating search. At first I thought there was something wrong with the online dating site I was using, because I wasn't getting the usual responses from interested men. Then I attended a few meetup dances, and again, I thought that I must have drool dripping from my mouth that I didn't know about! Truly, I felt like a pariah! Not one man asked me to dance the entire evening. That experience has occurred over and over again during the past few months. I'm outgoing, friendly, funny, fun, smart and still pretty darned cute. I'm 69, and for the first time, even though I don't FEEL old, I am being perceived as that! I've been in shock, to tell you the truth. I guess my conclusion is that while we may personally not feel like we're "old", ageism is still alive and well out there, and someone else is defining "old" for us. The challenge, now, is to not succumb to this outdated prejudice. So, out I go to a Blues concert tonight, and "boogie like it's 1969"!
38
@Peggy
If you keep going to the dances and men get to know you, they will start asking you to dance. Good luck!
2
My sister is a year and a half older than me. Outwardly, we look like twins. We are in our mid sixties. But across our lives our approach to maintaining our fitness, diet and health have varied tremendously.
She is an American, she drives everywhere. She never exercises. She eats what I would characterize as your typical American diet, i.e., everything, and in great quantity. She doesn’t drink, never smoked and has had good healthcare all her life (she is wealthy), but only sees a doctor for actual problems after they crop up.
She is overweight in a way that passes for normal in the US. She has mobility issues, along with strength and stamina issues. That she has flexibility issues is a given. Her children see her as old, and she is from my perspective as well.
I am a Canadian, and have always avoided using a car as much as possible (24,000 miles on a six year old vehicle). I walk everywhere; I have been a gym rat all my life and I am well muscled (shredded is the term I believe). I proactively use the single payer healthcare system. My chiropractor helps keep me limber along with yoga. I ski. I snowboard. I bike, but never run. I eat like a protein crazed monk, but never consume mammals (beans and rice!). I also drink a bit to excess and smoke pot.
Her sex drive is zero; mine is like I’m a teenager.
She is old and I am not. It’s about lifestyle choices across the years folks.
33
why not just own the label old. maybe we can stop it from meaning "useless" and start having it connote wise and experienced. It doesn't mean dead. I'm a 55 year OLD high school teacher. I tell my students that if you double your age and your dead, your old. But then I give them tons of examples and role models of old people who are vibrant, necessary, engaged. Stop making old an insult and embrace the benefits of knowing yourself and being over the insecurities of youth. No Ponce de Leon will restore your youth, value and treasure the life you have and will live!
9
I’ve lost track of the sense of age. Yes, more aches and pains every so often. Particularly after a series of days playing tennis. But I play in an 18 , 40 and 55 league and always get a kick out of being asked at the completion of a match, “how old are you again?” I’m 64. It’s true, luck has much to do with it. But attitude has a lot to do with it too. “Yes, I can” was a credo I was taught by my grandmother years ago. She lived to be 100. And with her sense of humor, level of activity, and daily dose of olive oil rubbed into her skin, she fooled everyone for years about her age. Maybe though my sense of age changes more every year because of perspective. The older I get, the younger new drivers look to me. Shocking!
By the way, isn’t it “Hear! Hear!!”???
6
I'm 72 but tell people I'm 80. Then they tell me how fabulous i look.
306
Dear Janet
Thank you for your reply your sentiments are mine
Our contemporaries just sit in front of a huge TV and have no interest in the outside world my friends and I live in the most wonderful city in the world(NY) and so few partake of what is offered to them❓just don't get it
2
Words tend to create hard edges in places where they don't really exist. When you say that people are either old or not old, you deny the existence of transitional states. Some people are young, some people are old, but many are in between.
When you define somebody as being old, it can act as a sort of curse that causes them to deny the transitional state and believe that they are less capable than they really are.
Fortunately many of us who have been around a long time recognize this for what it is and write it off as a simplification rather than a fact.
6
@mlbex
Thank you for your articulate and insightful response. As a society we are too involved with labels, which tend to be mere words rather than complex concepts. All this labelling and discussion of issues via labels is sophism at its worst, and it divides us.
4
My maternal great-aunt, Gertrude Noone, who died in 2009 at almost 111 years of age (and as the oldest veteran in the world) never thought of herself as old. She was smart, fiercely independent, very vain and exceedingly proud of the age she had reached. She loved the attention she received from local press and worked hard to maintain her sharp mind. I attributed some of her longevity to the fact she had never married and never had children—she never had to worry or extend great effort on anyone’s behalf but her own which rarely happened. She and all her sisters reached either mid 90s or centenarian age. She was a remarkable personality.
My own mother lived to 95 in spite of cancer and heart disease.
She also refused to think of herself as always.Sometimes the genes overpower fate!!
When, at 71, I whine about my creaky bones I shake my head in shame .
19
Mr. Petrow is a bit off in his understanding of the age of GenX. The cohort birth year range began in 1965. Many of that generation are already in their 50s (and some of us are feeling it).
8
I believe that the "negative ageist attitudes" are the result of the speed at which the world is changing. Because things change so much, skills acquired and honed over decades of living can become irrelevant to young people. The ability to dial in a Sturmey-Archer 3-speed shifter or change the water pump on a '64 Ford just isn't relevant to someone who needs to remember multiple sequences of button selections to use their telephone.
Back when people did things more or less the same way over generations, what grandpa and grandma knew was more useful and relevant to the young. Today, they still might have the wisdom acquired over the decades, and some young people respect that and are eager to learn from it, but others are more interested in how to use the latest app.
It's definitely a mixed bag, and the speed at which the world changes is part of the mix.
8
I never really think about my age. A few days short of 68, I refuse to let others, read: society, define who I am, or what I do.
As my hair has grayed, I've noticed an increased amount of patronization. My opinion appears not to be as important and there's an increase in those seeking to profit from me, or cheat me.
Life is a miracle. There's so much beauty all around us, even in this drastically uncertain time.
Don't waste a second of your time worrying about the word "old." Just live your life well, be kind to others and give of yourself. Seek out those who are less fortunate than you and give them your time.
This is the true gift of the season.
76
My spouse will be 60 next year, and I’m 5 years behind. We’ve recently begun joking about the “science exhibits” happening on our bodies. We can pinch skin on the back of our hands, and it stays pinched a few seconds before returning to its place. Lines that were faint are becoming etched, in curious and asymmetrical patterns. “It’s really happening!” we say, the evidence now irrefutable. Of course, we knew aging would happen, is always happening, and humor is part of our way of reassuring each other on this beautiful and often tenacious human journey. Especially now that I see the physical evidence on ourselves accelerating, my admiration and respect for the wisdom and grace of people who have experienced and endured life for years beyond ours grows deeper and more poignant. We can choose to go forward with gratitude and good humor, making the most of each moment until none remain. There’s an inner evolution taking place independent of observable exterior superficialities.
18
I am old, no doubt about it.At 84 I am still mobile and mentally active but I have no illusions that I have the stamina I once had.I am constantly amazed that politicians in their seventies and eighties are considered still able to perform their duties as they did when they were much younger.It is painfully obvious that they cannot.OLD is not a pejorative-old is an honor! Wear your status with pride and support the next generation and the next.We were once the future and now they are-they deserve their time on center stage.
35
Please make Nancy Pelosi the exception to your rule for the next 4 years!
1
I am 63 and "Am I old?" has never crossed my mind once. Getting older is better than the only alternative so I don't think about it. I have one living relative on my father side, my 84 year old father. My oldest living relative on my mother's side is a 68 year old cousin. As Popeye said "I am what I am..."
4
This is a bit of denial. NSAIDs, ubiquitous hair coloring regimens, antihypertensive drugs and ED meds are helping the middle aged feel younger as they see themselves in better health and more active than their parents were. Yes, a great mental attitude and staying active go a long way in "staying young" but when a nice millennial on every subway train offers you their seat, you know you are old. But, with luck, my health will hold out and I will live another 30 years, at least, into my 90s.
4
@Linda Jean: As long as those things you mention keep you looking and feeling better, they delay the negative consequences of being 'old'. Is that denial, or is it taking advantage of things that help?
1
@Linda Jean
In my mid-fifties, I have many friends my age and into their 80's that are definitely more active and in better health than their parents. The only issues I have is with men and women that insist on acting like young teenagers rather than adults - for example, a 60-ish relative of mine who continues to use Shirley Temple-like mannerisms (bobbing her head, using a little-girl voice) and several men n their 60's and 70's imitating their teenage grandsons' clothing, slang, etc. Maybe it makes them feel better, but it's about as attractive as "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane." Enjoy your adulthood, whatever your age!
6
A good question to ask is, if you didn't know how old you are, how old do you think you are?
Age is a physical thing. Life style, work history and genes make a big difference in how one ages, how soon the parts wear out. Age is a mental thing where loss of curiosity, learning and memory close a person down. It's also social where community and family make a difference. But mostly, for me, it's emotional and how I feel about getting up and out each day to enjoy this life. Somedays I feel old when confronted with conflict; most days it's a joy to have this physical machine still able to support my senses, thoughts and experience with this wonderful world around me.
13
At 74 I tell people that the only time I feel old is when I look in the mirror. Other times I say that I hope I die before I grow up.
Both statements are true and reflect, I believe, on the idea that, to some extent, we are what we try to be.
Sure, I don't have the stamina I once had, but I still fit into clothes I bought 15 years ago. All that could change tomorrow, but I will cross that bridge when I have to.
9
When you look in the mirror, smile. You’ll look a lot better!
Whenever I have a scintilla of sadness or even the frisson of fear at being newly 60, I stop to reflect. Many, many fine people have died young, and always will. Happy Holidays.
17
A few years ago I referred to our 95 year old aunt as old and she took exception to that. She's 101 now and still around although I wouldn't describe it as 'going strong '. But she's still with us. I guess it really is all in the eyes of the beholder.
7
In 1992 the USA first elected a president younger than I, forcing me to consider the possibility I was getting old. (I'd been "gray" for decades, because my genes insisted.
Now I'm 78 and, notwithstanding some minor infirmities, I feel younger than I did 26 years ago. The difference is my attitude, bolstered by the love and support of my family.
13
I am just about to turn 60. The only times I feel old are the first few steps out of bed, and listening to current popular music. Other than that I am healthy, happy, and active! I teach elementary school and the students keep me young and busy. My “hobby” is a very large thoroughbred horse that requires boatloads of physical work. I’ll be happily going for many more years, God-willing!!!
7
I'm turning 63. 63 is the new 63.
I'm trying really hard (not always successfully!) to be more thoughtful, engaged, connected, and productive in the face of a universal law of entropy that's far larger and more relentless than I am. I'm two-thirds of the way through my Master's degree and recently rode my first 100-mile bike ride.
All good... but I'd be a fool not to say I'm getting old. Life inevitably involves much denial. But *that's* more than I can manage.
It's happening. I just have to learn how to be better at it, in the face of whatever fate throws at me. Right now I (seem to) have some control over it, but that will decline: hopefully slowly, maybe quickly. I don't like that any more than any other control freak. But it's the way of the universe.
Simply establishing the arbitrary formula "old ≠ me" seems like the apotheosis of the childishness my generation is often accused of, with not a little justification. "I'll never grow up" is like fingernails on a blackboard to me: an unworthy aspiration. "For all my flaws, I will try to keep growing up" seems worthier.
10
My family is a long-lived bunch- my father lived to be 100, and was mentally sharp right up to the end. He never seemed "old" to me. I think it was because he stayed active and never became disengaged with the world. It surprises me to realize that I'm now 73, but I don't feel old. You never know, but I hope to stick around for a while- there's too much left to do- I have to keep working to make the world a better place for my grandchildren to grow up in!
13
Accumulating time alive has landed me in the present moment, a place I never expected to enjoy. Although I had been interested in the concept of presence, it was the crankiness of my body that created the necessity of a "spiritual" discipline. Not being able to take my physical well being as a constant led me to investigate and discard other out dated notions. I have taken the details as a project with the goal of adapting and improving my experience of being alive. This has required a different kind of honesty and patience with myself. I am a work in flux and progress is not necessarily a reasonable goal. I love finding moments of joy as walk, although I wish I could still run and bike. I noticed that when I shake routines up I am grumpy, but when I take risks with new experiences, I am recharged. Having 25 hours a week of challenging work fuels the need to learn. So, yes to the safety preparations, the car that beeps when I drift off of a lane, and no to scatter rugs, but, the big picture for me has to be the gift of still being alive for the whatever. When the fear of whatever comes up, that lets me know there is work to do. 72.
12
Friends and I usually try to limit the “organ recital”, the listing of all the body parts that are failing, to two minutes early on and then avoid the dismaying descriptions of dysfunctional body parts. Everyone gets to contribute their story and then we move on to pleasant topics. It makes for a more enjoyable evening and, at evening’s end, we tend to appreciatye how well we are all doing.
4
The first time a salesclerk in a store called me Ma'am instead of Miss, I was only 25 years old. I remember feeling a little shocked and somewhat offended because I did not feel like a Ma'am at all! I recently had my 60th birthday and I have noticed over the past few years that salesclerks often call me Sweetie, Honey, or Sugar now instead of Ma'am and I wonder what this change means--it almost feels like they have now placed me into a child-like category and are treating me like a child, although I don't believe they are doing it intentionally or maliciously. I still felt the same on the inside and mostly on the outside--like my youthful 25ish year old self but with more wisdom--until the past few years when age, heredity, and some poor choices in my youth started catching up with me and I was diagnosed with cataracts, glaucoma, osteoporosis, arthritis, and most recently, emphysema. Now I am starting to feel more like my actual age and beginning to wonder how much time I have left and how I want to spend it. I retired from teaching this past school year and have realized that I kept myself so busy with my school life that I rarely made many efforts in my personal life to contemplate and learn from mistakes that I had made in my youthful years. Do I feel old at 60? Not totally. I have grown my hair out to shoulder length just because I wanted to and I still wear makeup and stylish clothes. Do I look old at 60? Probably, but I appreciate still being recognizably me.
20
@Sophie
"Sweetie" and "honey" are demeaning, meaningless, and plain old bad manners, particularly coming from shop people (or, for that matter, employers). Better to be called "sir" or "ma'am."
Affectionate endearments should be saved for members of one's own family.
13
I'll be 72 next month and any sales clerk who calls me sweety, honey or sugar will live to regret it.
8
@Sophie: When I was 35, I was climbing the cables to Half Dome in Yosemite when I heard a voice say "let's wait until that old man is up". I was the only one on the cables, so they had to be referring to me. I had just hiked 10 miles from Glacier Point with a backpack, but to them, I was "old".
That was 32 years ago. I still hike, but nothing as ambitious as that.
8
Old? To those who pretend I’m not there, yes. To me, not at all, even though I turned 70 this past September. I swim a mile in the pool in 30 or so minutes and keep trying to lower my time. I work out, focusing on core strength and balance. I eat lots of fruits and vegetables. I drink about one drink a week, on average. I dance like it’s 1964. I will keep working until I can’t so I don’t have to join the ranks of those who grab coffees and lunches and talk about what was and what ails them. Bow ties and fedoras, patterns on patterns and colors on colors are not just eccentricities, they are statements about being alive. I only see silver linings, live in the moment, make love without pharmaceutical help and - in spite of what I know - like there’s no tomorrow.
43
I turned 60 in May.
Contemplating when to retire - 62? 65? 68? Work part time?
I don't feel old, although I'm occasionally pretty creaky in the morning. Usually just walk it off, Tylenol here and there.
With the right song on the radio, I am 16.
My mom is 81, and I've asked her about getting older.
She laughs and says that life's biggest joke is that you never grow up.
Things change more than you change.
Responsibilities shape your life, you work, some raise kids, but inside?
Happy keeps you younger and unhappy keeps you older.
The songs that make you feel 16?
Play them loud and dance.
250
Great advice about the music and dancing! While driving, I listen to the rock and roll music that I grew up with and loved and I get my dance groove going through Zumba and line dance classes and it makes a big difference in my life. It truly is the little things that help make us happy.
33
At 88 I feel young because I feel useful. Although my balance isn't that great, I can still teeter around in the garden, bang in a nail, design and make my own clothes, organize a two hour bus trip on the computer and enjoy being with people younger than me - aren't they all these days? Lots of new challenges to keep us on our toes.
115
@Frances Howey Love how you think. I read somewhere that people of a certain age begin to feel irrelevant. My feeling is that we can not feel irrelevant if we're helping those in need in whatever way we can.
8
I do not know enough people to feel irrelevant. I was relevant to my students when they were in my classes and am somewhat so to spouse, great-nephew, godchildren, and so on.
And to myself.
An old window planter is falling apart and a new one must be made. Old bills need shredding. The wisteria, some tendrils the width of a stout forearm, needs an electric saw taken to it. There's a performance of "Nutcracker" at NYCB that must be attended.
And so on.
10
Here on Marco Island the average age is 63!
I moved here 21 years ago and the people that were 63 then, and are still here, with a good quality of life, are living like this:
Don’t drive the golf cart when you can walk or bike, eat low on the food chain, read and spend quite time thinking about what they’ve read, maintaining and making new friendships across ages and economic status, being of service to others and spending time out doors and savoring every day you can stand erect and walk unaided are all things I’ve observed the “olders ” doing.
I’m old enough and smart enough to continue to learn from others ahead of me on path we all tread.
Mr Petrow’s last paragraph says it all.
32
Your comment referring to the last paragraph of this article chased me back to the article - I concur.
1
Honey, if you do not like being called ma'am come to Florida where everyone will call you "sweety" no matter how sour or sweet you may be.
I was quite proud of my desire to pick up new technology (mid 60) when I bought a couple of Alexa dots. But now I realize I am using Alexa to remind me when a baking show comes on, and to time my cooking skills that used to rely on a good nose. (still good matches the timer) Yes I listen to Beatles on Alexa, but I also ask her to find indie Christmas music.
8
@Chicago So true! And I just asked Alexa to find indie Christmas music. Thanks for the tip!
6
Everyone alive ages, and that's a simple fact of life. But growing old is a state of mind. You're as old as your health allows you to feel. And in that regard I'm lucky; at 64 I still feel 18 albeit a bit a bit creakier yet wiser for the time along the way.
John~
American Net'Zen
10
I'm in pretty good health, I do everything I want to do, and I don't care if I look old or people call me old. At my age, I see an increasing number of my contemporaries dying off. There is some sadness that comes along with that, but it also makes every day I am still here seem sweeter. The truth is, I'm happier than I've ever been, and a big part of that is simply thankfulness, and appreciation of the beauty all around me.
I'm not afraid of being dead, but I am a little leery of the dying part, since I suspect it might be unpleasant.
97
"Old" is a puzzle to me. My parents are dead and so are my four siblings. I am the last of us and I have trouble figuring out how this happened and what, if anything, it means. I was the baby of the family, and until the past few years I always thought of myself as being young, the same age as the people I happened to be with at the time, no matter what their ages, and oddly, so did they.
This year, my oldest brother died at 95, clearheaded, active, funny. A fluke—he fell and broke his hip.
I wonder if I will live another eleven years to his age, and if I do, will I be as strong as he was? It seems unlikely because I had an operation for pancreatic cancer two years ago that has an average survival rate of two to five years. Doctors marvel at my amazing recovery—the scar is now only a pale, thin line from my sternum to my navel and all my vitals have returned to normal—but I am acutely aware that I could be on borrowed time.
I think about death and it seems too strange to comprehend. Each of us is the center of the story, the star of our show, because when we are gone, that story will no longer exist. How could it, without us?
306
@dutchiris
Precisely how I feel. My time has gone by so fast. And how is it that when I die, everything in my head dies with me? All the books I've read, the people I've known. I, too, am the last of my family, and now the only one who remembers what an extraordinary family I had.
Chronologically, I have "outlived" many in my family. A couple of aunts and several cousins never reached the age I am now. Soon I will have surpassed my father's age when he died. Or I hope I do, anyway.
At the close of each visit to my family's cemetery plot, where I have plants and flowers blooming seasonally and decorate with plain boughs and a wreath for Christmas, I look around with relief that everybody is safe and sound and think to myself, "Okay, kids, looks all right. See you soon."
They were so young. I am far older than when they were forever fixed in my memory, when I was ten years old and everything was ahead of me.
89
You seem so strong and clear headed. I’m betting (and hoping) you live at least as long as your brother did. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
4
I was 10 when I read that John Lennon was shot. I loved the Beatles and was sad but I read that he was 40. I remember thinking to myself- that’s old so I guess he lived a full life. I’m 48 now and old to me now is 95. My definition of old keeps increasing in number every decade and corresponds directly to my parents age.
27
@Pb my husband was born on the same day in 1940 as John Lennon across the Irish Sea from Liverpool, in Dublin. He is in good health and when his birthday rolls around we always remember JL. My parents are dead but they were both clear headed until the days they died. Anger kept my father alive and love of life my mother. Someone old is someone older than I am.
13
I guess I am learning the difference between chronological age and true age from the best: my father. At 86, my dad lives alone, walks over every night to his 60-year-old, “middle-aged” neighbors and delivers his paper to them to read, and then at about 2 am he climbs up two staircases to go to bed. Once reluctant to get a cell phone, he now religiously uses an app when he plays golf to measure the distance to the holes to determine which club to use. He know how to take screenshots of schedules, appts, etc. to text to everyone and uses emojis religiously. The other day he was talking about streaming. A former engineer, he keeps everything neatly organized on spreadsheets and has a memory better than mine. Seriously? He’s a true role model that shows age is only a number.
74
Pretending you are not old does not make you young.
83
@Monique - you're absolutely right. However, getting regular exercising and making an effort to keep your BMI in the "normal" range help a lot. Luck plays a huge role, too, in whether you are debilitated by disease or not.
No one who meets me thinks I'm my chronological age (67) because I'm still agile.
5
I'm 69. I'm old. I love being old. Since we retired, my husband Fred and I are extremely happy. Sex is better as we have more time to enjoy it. Food is better since we have more time to cook. We have more time to read, to listen to music, to spend time with friends. We exercise more because we have more time for that too. I've never enjoyed life as much as I have since I became old, even with the aches and pains that so frequently go along with it.
I wish more older adults would embrace that title and stop pretending they are still young.
239
@Fred Old is fine. Older adult is very fine. It's the term "elderly", with all its negative connotations, that grates most of the older adults in my sphere.
19
@Fred: Are you and Fred a couple made up of two men named Fred, or are you Wilma using Fred's NYT commenting privileges? Either way, I love your comment.
28
@Carson Drew we are a straight couple (not that there's anything wrong with that). Yes, I used Fred's commenting privileges (not that there's anything wrong with that either).
27
I am an American living in Asia and have spend considerable time in India. After years of travel, one begins the understand the historic harshness of life. I believe that elders have been traditionally respected is simply because they survived. They lived to tell the tale of how to deal with the challenges of life. In modern or developed culture many of these challenges are no longer a feature of life and we have lost sight of the value of life experience.
97
I think I became old when both of my parents were gone and I felt like they had jumped off a diving board and I finally was "next up" to make that leap.
I feel the same as my teenage self, no pains or disabilities, but I'm not middle aged anymore, that honor belongs to my kids.
19
@roseberry
People think of me as middle-aged.
I guess if I manage to live to 114, I am.
You might be old when you enjoy reading a New York Times article on what "Old" is and all 58 comments attached to it. :-) I'm 70.
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@Fritz Ziegler
Yes I am old at 90 but I still find the NYT a source of interest. Though I have a heart condition I still look after myself in a three storey house getting exercise because whatever I want next always seems to be on one of the other floors.
My father outlived the average age at death for his generation. To match him I have to live to 92 at least.
19
@Fritz Ziegler I'm in my 40s and I'm reading all the comments! Sometimes I read the comments more carefully than the article itself, or even skip the article and go straight to the comments... I think investing in a controlled, polite, thoughtful comment section was a great move on the part of NYT.
100
@Fritz Ziegler You nailed it Fritz.
10
I have always defined ‘old’ as ten years beyond whatever age I am.
28
Your last paragraph pretty much sums up my current thinking on aging. I fortunately don't have the same chronic disease concerns that you described, but I can attest that you start feeling "old" when your body starts breaking down in small and large ways. I have been very healthy and active into my 80's and still don't feel "old", but every time my body signals a new and in-explainable malady, I fear that this is my entry into old age.
18
I'm 69 and consider the whole "old" discussion ridiculous. If the mental attitude is old, or the person spends a lot of time worrying about aging, the person is already old, no matter what the real age is. Keeping youth means keeping a sense of purpose and a gratitude for what's there - and what isn't there - in daily life. Sitting around and moaning and worrying and labeling one age or another is just silly.
13
When I was a little kid I thought my grandparents were sooooo old. Grandpa had false teeth and Grandma wore a wig!
Now at 50 I realize they were only a few years older than I am now.
14
Steven Petrow: If you make some changes to your diet, you may be able to reverse your cardiovascular disease and ease your depression. Read the book "How Not to Die" by Dr. Michael Gregor and follow the advice to switch to a whole-foods, plant-based diet. Your arteries and waistline with thank you!
9
At my 70th birthday party, I said no one will ever say, "he died young."
14
If you’re a woman, you’re old when younger people are actually interested in your insights and advice. If you’re a man, you’re old when those women look good to you.
9
Gen-Xers are in their 40s and early 50s. Gen X starts at 1964-5. Do not lump us into the Boomer generation. It’s bad enough that we usually get accordioned between Millennials and Boomers and hardly merit a mention in these farcical “generation wars” stories.
Oh, wait; I forgot. I don’t care. Whatever.
37
@Mrs Miggins
Gen X is pretty much anybody born in the early 60's.
Douglas Coupland, who coined the phrase, was writing about his generation. He was born in 1962.
2
@Michele K And it goes almost all the way through the 70’s as well. So yeah - people in their 40’s and early-mid 50’s.
1
Interesting, though not surprising, that Millennials consider 59 old. As a Millennial, I have found myself thinking the opposite. As my parents and close aunts and uncles have reached their 60s, I keep pushing out my definition of "old." I don't want those people to be old because that means I'm closer to losing them. They also still work and participate in many activities in their communities, which makes them seem just as young as they were when I was in pre-school. At this point, 75 is old to me. I'm sure it will be 80 by next year.
10
How old do I feel? 35ish, I stay in shape. Recovery times are longer.
How old do I look? 70. The minute I quit dying my hair I began to be treated as old. I always wondered why someone, obviously old (80s and delicate looking) would keep dying his or her hair no matter what... and I know now. We are silly to put so much emphasis on looks.
11
@SW Because she wants to color her hair, and it's no one's business but her own. Why does someone wear lipstick at any age, including age 80?
7
@SW I finally quit coloring my hair and let it grow out...and I’ve never received as many compliments as I do now...not all those years I spent coloring, styling, etc. Go figure. BTW, it’s platinum...and fabulous! (And at 73, so am I)
3
@SW
My mother wears lipstick at 88, her mother wore it until she passed away at 99. Both complained endlessly about their hair color; neither went fully grey until after 80, and they hated the light brown/grey combination with a passion, calling it "dead mouse" colored! I started coloring in the grey hairs in my early 40's - why spend another 40 years hating the way my hair looks? And I hate wearing lipstick, but feel I look better groomed and less tired with a bit of concealer and mascara, so will slap it on as long as I have the time. It's about wanting to look your personal best, not just about trying to look younger. To each their own.
4
Coincidence that I read this article on the first day I started my estrogen patch?
10
Let's face it - "old" is the last big demographic descriptor of age before "dead." Says a lot about why we're not keen to self-identify as old, at any age, as if delaying that ID could possibly protect us.
8
My parents’ generation “looked old”. Their parents’ generation “looked old”. They were comfortable with that. I love rock n roll. Real rock n roll - from the 60s & 70s. I can’t bare to watch Public TV oldies shows ‘cause the audience looks fat and men are bald...and can’t dance. I prefer to look as I imagine myself to have looked when I danced with abandon at clubs all over NY, Mount Snow, and the week-long vacations at Club Med. The few times I now dance, I’m positive I’m better than Travolta in Saturday Night Fever or Kevin Bacon in Footloose, but there are no mirrors. I can’t go into the other positive indicators aided by changed lyrics to “father’s little helpers” as my wife would kill me. But I still feel young, expect to ski out West next month, continue to lift weights, although not so much like I used to. I keep pushing snowblowers and keep pushing “old” out for another year. In four months I turn 73. As long as the mirrors stay foggy, I think I can push away “old” for a few more years. Now, if I only could get my hair to grow back, my wife to stop telling me I’m too old to carry a backpack on one shoulder, or SCUBA dive, my son to stop worrying that I’ll break another couple of ribs skiing, I might lose my fear of “growing old”, I should also be able to relax a little, knowing I’ve got a town neighbor, who at 74, is part of the world’s greatest rock n roll band, still touring, and dresses how he likes. God, I love The Rolling Stones!
41
@Harry Falber
Rock on, Harry! It's all rock-n-roll to me--at least at this point in life!
4
My perception of age depends on the day and the time of day. Mornings I can feel pretty old, in the middle of a hike in glorious terrain, not so old.
However, one sign of aging is the constant addition of stuff I have to do to stay healthy - flossing, watch my diet, adding exercises to my routine to improve balance and flexibility, preparation for sleep. A half a beer constitutes an evening’s drinking, and then only rarely.
Thanks to modern medicine I’m active, healthy and happy, and not a whole lot hurts.
9
The national median age in the USA is 37.8 years. In the world it is 26.4. So I would argue if you are older than 37.8 and in the USA, you are an old. Since that makes you older than most of the rest of the people here. If you are older than 26.4 and in the USA you are both old and young at the same time. Does that make you elderly? Of course not...unless you are indeed very old.
I didn't feel old at 73 but now at 74, there are physical limitations that shock me. Mentally I am doing all right.
7
Didn't I read somewhere that life dissatisfaction peaks at about 48 while satisfaction with one's life peaks at about 68.
5
I went to a friend's 60th birthday celebration at a community centre in Toronto. An older one in the group of mostly seniors asked how old my friend was. When he replied, the oldster said wistfully, "Oh, to be 60 again." My friend's aches seemed trivial at that moment.
9
When a dear friend who did all the right things died fairly sudden after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer I realized (although I should always have known it) that good actions aside luck plays a part in our lives. I try to do my best. Smugness is not a good attribute because things can change in an instant.
192
I think it’s all somewhat relative. I turn 47 today and am having a bit of a rough time with it, to be honest. One of my parents died of cancer at 58 (too young, as they say) so age is always on my mind in a weird way. Plus, I am experiencing the obvious hormonal changes of perimenopause (which no one every really talked with me about) that remind me I am not a young adult anymore. But life goes on, and I try to get as much out of every day as possible. I will go and do my best at work, and then treat myself to a long gym workout as a birthday present. I am grateful that I have the health and energy to do those things. And I also know now - which I did not know when I was younger - that feelings are just visitors, and the blues I feel today won’t stick around forever.
28
@BC I have been in your place, almost exactly. But now, I am in the space described by the article’s author. I turned 70 today, and with good health find that I am generally happier than I have been since I was young. I am too busy to spend a lot of time analyzing why am enjoying myself so much, but hold on. Your turn will come!
14
@BC
I think that as you approach (and pass) the age at which the parent died, you realize how startlingly young they were and you are surprised to outlive their age.
I like that “feelings are just visitors” I try to allow myself only a short pity party (10 minute) when things don’t go well. After all I’m still here...
18
@Naomi Happy birthday, birthday twin! And thank you for your lovely message. May we each celebrate many, many more.
9
If you try to get a job in tech in Silicon Valley and you are older than 35, then yes, you are old. I can't wait until all those young bucks are replaced by robots!
I'm nearly double 35 and am in the best shape of my life. Just did a 9 mile hike on Thursday, climbed 1100 ft and did 100 push-ups during the hike in sets of 20. Going to do something similar on Saturday, then gym day on Sunday. Bring it on.
28
I’m 71. Six months ago I received a diagnosis of lung cancer (never smoked, just absurdly bad luck) and had half my left lung removed. Two months later my husband, 76, had his second hip replaced. Shortly after that we put our home of 36 wonderful years up for sale to downsize. Two people our age don’t need to live in a place of 5500 sq ft. After a couple months of packing, carrying cartons and some furniture up and down stairs and now waiting for closing to happen in our new place near the coast, no one can tell me I’m old. In addition to all the physical activity there’s also the logistics of selling and buying at the same time in different states. One can’t be decrepit and carry all that out. I look forward to learning all I can about the new environment and our nearby city, Charleston. Look forward to biking, learning about the sea turtles, picking my art back up with new scenery. And yes, sitting at the beach. And maybe getting back on our daughter’s horse. Old? Not.
29
@Bunnit
I am full of admiration. Relocating, packing, and hauling at 71. And to Charleston, one of my favorite cities.
I've always been a fan of New England, but there's a beautiful house for sale overlooking the marsh and bay beyond in St. Marys, Georgia . . . . The last time I was there, I realized that down south it stays lighter later and is really a good 10-15 degrees warmer, and I wonder if it's time for that.
13
Very subjective, of course, but I feel the one paragraph regarding, th 15 minute mile, no interest anymore in new information and experiences, and memory issues, sums it up pretty well and seems to zero in on a scenario that we all become too familiar with as we ourselves approach "old age." The only thing that I can add, here in my newly aquired retired state, is th issue of injury and healing. When one becomes injured and can never truly heal from it, you're old.
1
@thcatt
People in their 20s, 30s, 40s become injured and unable to heal. This is not solely the province of older people.
3
@hotG
I knew I was gonna hear this. But th issue here is "old age," not tragedy. When a young person suffers a horrible, permanent injury they can often use what strength they have left to compensate. Young bodies can do amazing things; as can young minds, such as Stephen Hawking.
3
@thcatt
It depends on the injury. I know too many people from their mid-thirties through seventies that incur injuries (overtraining, accidents, etc.) that end their ability to participate in their sport of choice (running, skiing, etc.) Yes, most continue to work out and be active but having to give up the trails for the gym is hard, and youth and/or strength cannot compensate in many cases.
1
When you're one of the chief executives of what Wikipedia claims is the largest private equity firms in the world, of course you feel young at 69.
That said, I regularly see folks in their 70s and 80s at the local ski hill, so I do hope that means I have something to look forward to.
6
Most of the "I'm so old" comments I hear come from people in their 20s and 30s. Sometimes I think "old" is a code word for "I hate my life and I've become boring and stodgy." I hear a lot of, "I can't do [x] anymore, I'm too old." This is generally in reference to things like hobbies, traveling, non-work interests, being outdoors, etc. Also, people of all ages, even teenagers, seem to love to complain about physical infirmities (real or imagined) using the "I'm so old" line.
8
I am chronologically old at 72. But I don’t fit the past prevailing stereotypes of old—meaning I welcome new information and experiences, have friendships amongst the Gen Ys (yes, even a few millennials in the mix), eagerly listen when they challenge my beliefs (such as the right to choose is the alpha and omega the feminism), and am willing to try new technology. So I’m interested in dispelling stereotypes about how people my age are supposed to behave. One rule: Never bring up your health as a topic of discussion when there are people under 60 in the room.
25
@Lynn Olson nobody talks about their health more than 20-somethings. I find that the conversation with young people at work invariably ends up being about their gluten and lactose sensitivities, allergies, and all the bodily woes they are suffering. It's become a status symbol, a way of seeming sensitive and special.
28
@Glen Ridge Girl and I find the opposite to be true. When around family members 65+ it can sometimes be a nonstop update on ailments from others at the table then onto updates of those not present.
I think generally, no matter age, this happens when people don’t have enough going on to talk about so it’s an easy topic that is front and center for many.
17
I have celiac disease, eczema, genetically triggered preteen-onset lactose intolerance (like most people in the world) and asthma/allergies (auto-immune diseases tend to come in sets, so I feel lucky I don’t have some of the worse ones like MS or lupus). I didn’t have all of these when I was in my 20s. I find young people far more sympathetic and interested in talking and learning about chronic health issues than many people my age or older who seem to think auto immune diseases are a sign of personal weakness. They’re chronic diseases and health conditions, not moral failings. I appreciate that young people feel these are serious medical problems worth talking about. To some extent, they are scared that such problems are fallout from the plastic-dominated, corporate food corrupted way of life those my age created.
6
Every age has its challenges. A twenty-year-old with a disability must adapt to that circumstance, and get on with life as best as she can. A thirty-year-old who has lost all her possessions in a fire must use her inner resources to regain her footing. A forty-year-old who has lost his closest companion must find a way forward. A fifty-year-old who has emigrated to a new country that does not welcome him must fall back on his own resources. A sixty-year-old who has received a frightening diagnosis must find a way to calm herself. A seventy-year-old worried obsessively about dying may benefit by counseling. An eighty-year-old who is glad to be alive and treasures each day without a major problem finds enjoyment in his social contacts. A ninety-year-old is tempted to give advise to anyone who will listen about having a healthy lifestyle, but his better instincts restrain him from doing so. Instead, he smiles at everyone and looks them right in the eye. It's an old story.
126
@William Excellent! I hope everyone reads your post!
12
Our current retired groups in Florida can be divided into frail/home bound/ needs health aides to exist, active in physical and social activities without apparatus limitations, and everything in between. Actual age may not determine some of these groupings. We have 55 plus folks who will not or cannot retire from working a real job, not just volunteering. Health is a big determination. Culture is another determination that may impact political and social identity. Old is certainly determined by inside the group and outside the group factors as well. Plastic surgery may not help.
3
This year I will turn seventy. Since I was a young child I have always wanted to be "old". The word had wonderful connotations for me. The people of my grandparents generation had wonderful conversations with me, full of stories of their experiences. I felt that they had more respect for me, more time to listen to my ideas and be supportive of my dreams, Generally, I found people in their sixties boring. When they hit seventy they became much more interesting. When I was quite young my father would not draw young people other than me and my sister because he found them similar and boring, as yet not individualized by their lives. I remember him pointing out an old woman with a face lined by work in fields under the sun and saying "That is true beauty".
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@eliane speaks
Yes, but oh those beautiful, lush 30-something faces so gleaming and unlined and full. I remember my own so well. And young people are profoundly interesting too.
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@eliane speaks - what a beautiful comment...
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I’m 69. My wife and I (I am a woman) refer to the senior discount day at the grocery as Old Lady Day. I am in an old lady women’s group that formed through Nextdoor.com, which is comprised of a bunch of interesting, dynamic 65+ women who get together for coffee, hikes and a reading group. I embrace my oldness!
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When does old begin? When you're no longer curious- - -
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As several commenters have stated, I tell family and friends that the word OLD is not in my vocabulary. I am now 87 and have rarely experienced any "oldest" treatment. I did retire early at 63 because I felt my employer was discriminating against "older" employees in salary and advancement. I was diagnosed in 1993 with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL) and told by the oncologists that he/she knew of men who lived with CLL for 20 years. I told them that was not enough for me as I planned to live to at least an active 100 years. However I have had to adjust my lifestyle somewhat by the side effects of CLL; borderline anemia, threat of gout, and compromised immune system. The latter brought on yearly bouts with pneumonia starting in 2009, requiring use of strong antibiotics which affected my hearing and inner ear.
My wife and forever loving companion had Alzheimers, and died from is 6 years ago. But I still love and miss her, and I honor her by continuing to work with Alzheimers Support Groups in the area to help over caregivers on this journey, and volunteer as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) for abused and neglected children. My wife as a child suffered physical and sexual abuse, so I understood how such untreated abuse can affect the life of the victim.
I continue this work not only because it helps me deal with the after effects, but serve as an example to my Grandchildren and Great-grandchildren of the value of service both to the community and me.
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Mr Makris, you are an example for all of us, too, with your service to people in need - your comment is a wonderful inspiration!
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At a "fit" 70, my infirmities continue to emerge but so do my insights into the search for what it means to live a full life. As she reflected on her life, an 80 year old woman wrote, 'When you are 80 years old, your beauty rises in ways your cells cannot even imagine. Your hair is aflame with winter and you have decades of learning, leaving and loving sewn into the corners of your eyes. You have gained the capacity to fail ferociously and to rise again and again.
It ain't over until it's over.
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Beautiful
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@a goldstein: "Infirmities continue to emerge" is what I find about (77) being old. I'm kinda proud of making it this far.
I thought of myself all through my young life as a sturdy, healthy person so I ran, swam and was otherwise active.
But as I age I learn I had all sorts of infirmities built into my body at birth: (a) 2 vertebrae fused, which with my help turned into sciatica; (b) head and neck GERD that was only recently diagnosed altho it had bugged me all my life as "allergies"; (c) not very bad, hammer toes ... and a few other small infirmities.
Then there's the moment when at age 75 my healthy blood pressure turned off: hardening of the arteries. Now I have to take meds that can make me dizzy.
To paraphrase Kermit, it ain't easy ...
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Today I turned 72. I have more aches than at 70 or 71, but I still don’t feel old. I still enjoy listening to the 60’s music I grew up with although sometimes I need to adjust my hearing aids. Old, to me, is a state of mind. If you think you are old, you will be and you will act like it.
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@Tom
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
You feel like you're 25,
Even though you're 72.
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I turned 70 this year and it's weird. 70 is an "old" age. I have to pay more attention to taking care of my body than I used to—so I do. I'm an artist and I still have a lot of work I want to make. The horizon is coming closer and closer. I live with an increasing sense of urgency. Though I've known since my mother died when I was 13 that any day could be my last, now there are fewer and fewer of those "any days."
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Well, we do age, including in our minds, and have to deal with the effects of having put many years of wear on our equipment by the time we hit our 70's. Amaing that the body does repair itself so well: but the repairs take longer
Oh, Mr. Petrow to be 61 again ( did I really think that?? It used to be 26, or 44, or? ).
I like Dr Rubenstein's urging to pick up the pace: if you don't consciously pick it up, you slow noticeably. If you don;t get out there and get involved as much as you can, you will disappear.
Oddly, with much younger generations, I find many tend to be nice to me -- I suspect they perceive a grandmother. It was at first an unwelcome shock, like the first time being called Ma'am, but I now see that it has its perks -- it lowers barriers to contact, to communication, for one thing. As long as you talk about what interests them -- which will help keep you young at heart - and self aware.
I do think that most of us - in our psyches, invisible to the outside world - feel much younger - at least for the years when we are spared disease - and should use that outlook to continue to learn and serve.
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Many older people co-opt hard times as specific to their age, then talk and complain habitually about those circumstances in this manner "Well, that's what happens when we get old. " Every single affliction of older people is also experienced by some young people. The difference is that too many old people allow affliction to define them. To remain part of the bigger herd of humanity, spend time around all ages. Then you remain entirely ageless. The complaining old person becomes tiresome quickly. I know because I'm nearly 75, have had significant life challenges, but don't yammer about them ... and flee the complainers.
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I'm 74. I'm active in volunteering, take easy fun classes, am on Twitter and Instagram, walk and bike ride at the gym. My body Is OLD, but I have been about 35 for forty years inside my head. Mobility decline is a bummer, and I'm a bit slower on Jeopardy answers, but I'll always be younger than Jack Benny.
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@Jan O
Plus we know who Jack Benny ts! :)
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Over several years, I realized that I don't need to show my driver's license at the ticket counter of movie theater whenever I want senior discount. For teenagers working there, most of adults with white hair or wrinkles look old anyway.
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I refuse to get O.L.D. preferring to say, “maturing”. Unfortunately, the first sign I might be viewed as old occurred at Costco when I dropped a package and someone younger rushed over to pick it up. Uh, oh.
Keeping my body parts moving and relatively pain free feels like a full time job but is definitely worth it.
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One hates the cliche of "You're as old as you feel!", but I certainly don't feel old, the benefit of lifelong fitness and a penchant for learning. Then again, one can't help be aware of the slow arc of age, both good and bad. On the downside, my top-of-the-curve fitness is merely average for a 25-year old. My intellect is still bright, although I rarely have a chance to test my wits, since the youngest person in our social circle is 40, and I only occasionally work with recent college graduates. Recently, many post-college locals have taken to using the pronoun sir when talking to me. On the upside, I am happy, comfortable in life, secure with a partner that loves me. I work as a software developer, fairly current in modern technologies and programming languages, but that sometimes matters little, as when a manager interviewing me says "I didn't expect someone so senior!". By some analyses, my online social profiles resemble someone in their early 30's.
In the end, one has to deal with not just with the changes of age, but often the stereotyping by others. Then again, it can certainly be an interesting point of observation, the relationship between one's abilities and the treatment by others.
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One hates the cliche of "You're as old as you feel!", but I certainly don't feel old, the benefit of lifelong fitness and a penchant for learning. Then again, one can't help be aware of the slow arc of age, both good and bad. On the downside, my top-of-the-curve fitness is merely average for a 25-year old. My intellect is still bright, although I rarely have a chance to test my wits, since the youngest person in our social circle is 40, and I only occasionally work with recent college graduates. Recently, many post-college locals have taken to using the pronoun sir when talking to me. On the upside, I am happy, comfortable in life, secure with a partner that loves me. I work as a software developer, fairly current in modern technologies and programming languages, but that sometimes matters little, as when a manager interviewing me says "I didn't expect someone so senior!". By some analyses, my online social profiles resemble someone in their early 30's.
In the end, one has to deal with not just with the changes of age, but often the stereotyping by others. Then again, it can certainly be an interesting point of observation, the relationship between one's abilities and the treatment by others.
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As a certified Aging-In-Place specialist, I encourage clients to create an environment that will support them to live in the way they wish as they age. Failing to anticipate what that means can cost you more than money. It can cost you your independence, something everyone values even more than money.
I am at the youngest end of the Boomers, and my peers are dealing with the fallout of their Greatest Generation elders not believing they would need $$, assistance or adaptations. They thought they would just die, like their parents did. Oops. We are scrambling to deal with what happens when you outlive your expectations.
Modern medicine can keep you alive for a very long time, but it isn't as good at keeping you independent and capable of handling the stairs or the tub.
Perhaps younger Boomers will have a different take on aging.
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Forty five years ago I was working w/ a staging crew who were in their late teens/early 20s who started out treating me with kid gloves because I was female & in my 30s. As set-up progressed, they began handing me heavy equipment to put in place because they perceived I was as fit as they were. Now, at 75, I still don't see myself as old. Hitting 70 "sounded" old, but really wasn't & it seems to me that people react to me as I present myself - not too different from what I've ever been. It amuses me to read books from years ago in which someone of 60 or so is characterized as old - somewhat decrepit & definitely not all there mentally.
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@RKD
I love this comment.
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I was reminded of a recent incident where I directed someone not to push the elevator buttons - our condo elevator has both the curse and benefit of closing immediately when a button is pressed - because old people need time to get in. Later, I realized that I am old to those people I admonished. I am 58, and as the article mentions, old is relative.
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On the flip side, I was recently hired by a major medical center, and as part of orientation, I sat with a group of 10 or so 20-somethings. I am 58. Without leadership, when others can't decide, I usually step in, comfortable with the risk of failure, and in this case, it worked out well. By the end of the two days, I was thanked for being their leader through the various activities, but I commented, and I think they understood, I am more of a democratic leader, accepting input while directing our efforts. I was also thanked for my kindness, which seemed odd, but they explained that many older people deride them. I was quite surprised but realized later I had decided in my youth not to be one of 'those', cranky older sticks-in-the-mud, those that see the difference in youth as a flaw. I hope never to mistake those changes as bad, only recognizing that it is simply a different time, the same as when I was their age.
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