Pardon me for feeling amused that you sixty-somethings are feeling invisible and overlooked. Hey babes -- I'm 88. I've had a writing career that lasted until seven years ago when I started to get rejections rather than acceptances. It took me a while to realize that my perceptions were too dated to connect with today's readers, because this is a whole different world than the one lodged in my memories. I've accepted that. Life isn't as exciting as it once was, but electronic devices keep me connected with friends and family, and I can revel in Facetime visits with my great-grandkids. So don't complain, aging females. Adjust!
15
@Gloria Skurzynski It's not that your perceptions are dated. It's that today's values have changed so drastically. Your depth as a writer is what's getting you rejected. Most of today's readers want instant everything and that includes facts, non-facts, news and entertainment. Superficiality is the road to eyeballs and riches.
When you have depth, it's hard to fake stupidity.
You'll never stop being a writer. Don't let them do that to you.
50
I used to get (unwanted) attention for my beauty in my youth. I no longer do at 62 (I recall the 'invisible' feeling started in my 40's probably). But I still get plenty of attention through helping others, whether volunteering in schools or the library or through friendships. As someone who listens, comforts, and provides solace and empathy, I know I will never become invisible. My parents were the same way, and I learned that at home.
37
Why are there only white women highlighted - are they the only ones participating in this group?
19
Women from 53 to 72 are overlooked?! Nonsense! Only articles like this that create and perpetuate a myth! Sadly, we are on the precipice of a generational war that is led by the media, by giving knuckleheads a byline that makes what they write accepted! Sad.
9
This is a wonderful idea.
9
Needed! We all need to get our of our silos to begin a communal conversation again. To see and witness each other and to find solutions.
13
I am pleasantly surprised that this column made its way to being published and agree with the "invisible" issue, although personally I much, much prefer people my own age and don't really want to interact that often with younger people of either sex. Where the common values or life experiences? What is there to talk about?
7
Please don't use the term "energy" in the sub-title as a veiled reference to youth and vitality, versus the wisdom and long range vision of elders. It just perpetuates a chronic stereotype in hiring, etc. Did Mother Jones, Eleanor Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman and many others have "energy" in old age? You bet your life.
40
@glorybe You're right. I frequently see the adjective "energetic" as a requirement in job descriptions on indeed, and I know what they're really saying.
19
@glorybe, you are spot-on. I would add to that Margaret Mead's memorable words, "There is no greater power in the world than the zest of a post-menopausal woman."
37
Invisible no longer!
I'm not exactly a fan, but WOW, women are all over the last season of House of Cards.
I have never in my life seen real-looking middle-aged women in a room together talking about serious stuff! Not in American TV, anyway.
14
These ladies need to take off all that horrible makeup and be natural in their own skins. Who cares if the world ignores you. Be confident in yourself. A sense of personal worth is all that matters.
40
Doris Lessing writes eloquently about women's "invisibility" and other issues in her great novel, "The Summer Before the Dark."
8
This is a wonderful concept, and it's great to see that indeed, younger women want to be a part of this. I'm all for having a very wide range of friends and acquaintances, and wholeheartedly agree that it shouldn't matter if you are married with kids (or not), gay (or not), or middle-aged (or not). People should be able to 'click' with other people regardless of the particular labels attributed to them. I have friends of all races, sexual persuasions and age ranges (some much older, some much younger than I).
I am bothered however when I hear (typically women) talk of becoming 'invisible' at a certain age. What these women really are getting at is that they are no longer receiving the 'special attention' from men that they used to get when younger. And clearly they resent this fact. But using the word 'invisible' is inaccurate. Rather, they are simply now being treated just like the majority of the population... which is to say, as 'nothing special'.
Granted, the US has an obsession with 'youth', but that doesn't mean we women have to buy into it. Yet far too many American women do just that, and either get 'down on themselves' and don't bother trying anymore, or else they do the opposite, becoming addicted to cosmetic procedures, and in the process, looking artificial and 'desperate'. Women need to simply focus on being their best selves at any age, and not worry about being supposedly 'invisible'. For to obsess over that notion makes it self-fulfilling.
27
Aging men are respected, “distinguished” and lauded as wise old foxes, while aging women are dismissed as hags and nagging mothers-in-law. You haven’t been through it, obviously, so you’re either younger than 50 or extremely lucky.
31
@Lisa All very easy to say when you aren't there yet.
20
I'm 76 and just retired a couple of months ago. I don't feel invisible yet. I get my satisfaction from what I do rather than what other people think of me or what I look like. The photos suggest that senior visibility requires dyed hair, heavy make-up, fancy clothes. If that's what's needed, I'll go invisible with my natural gray, un-botoxed wrinkles, and shabby (rescue-cat-hair-covered) clothes.
53
This is a timely and fascinating article. It also provides much needed information for those of us who must face the realities of aging in our society.
My mother used to say: "Aging ain't for sissies." I often asked myself what she meant by this, as she had all the time in the world to travel and enjoy herself. What she was alluding to was the onslaught of the aging process and the inherent loneliness of being an older woman in our culture of youth.
As I've entered my "senior" years, I've noticed the invisibility factor and the devaluation of my opinion and worth as an individual. It's maddening to think that age allows others to demean my abilities and my intellect.
Only we can change these negative views of women and aging. We're responsible for how we present ourselves, the friendships we cultivate and the misogynistic stereotypes we obliterate by creating new things, writing about our experiences and bonding with younger men and women of good heart.
We are not invisible or worthless. We are the harbingers of change.
35
I’m 73. I still work part time. I haven’t felt invisible. Not too much. I try to show interest in other people, especially those younger. I try to smile a lot. People react to smiles and genuine interest. Nobody likes “the poor me’s. “
28
This is such a great idea! I not only feel invisible. I am invisible, especially to younger female colleagues where I work who don't make eye contact, don't speak unless I speak first, and rarely, if ever, interact with me on any level.
It is so interesting to me that younger and middle-aged men are so much more engaged and willing to interact than younger women with older women. It is astonishing how thoughtlessly and easily certain younger women openly display their entitled gender-specific ageism and take where they are in life for granted; so many seem to have no connection to the past, to those incredibly hard-fought battles where lives where ruined and in some cases lives lost by generations of women who took up the cause of women's rights.
I want to join!
40
@ MAW I completely agree that younger women are very rude and self absorbed. I think it's because the culture has changed so much in the past two decades. We now value physical attributes over all else - athletics for men and youthful beauty in women- so young women see themselves as vastly superior, because the culture tells them they are.
12
As a 66-year-old introvert who’s lucky enough to be retired, it’s difficult (if not impossible) to make friends. I am alone, day in, day out, and I’ve accepted the pleasures of this luxury. What I haven’t accepted is the invisibility cloak that fell over me at 50. I talk to myself a lot, and what I say is interesting! And that’s society’s loss.
44
@Mditto!
6
I wonder if this phenomenon occurs among those of different socio-economic status and/or ethnic/racial backgrounds. These ladies appear to be a fairly privileged group.
30
@Cheryl I agree. I highly doubt you hear other groups of women talking so much about being 'invisible'. Basically, 99% of the population is 'invisible', if by that we mean, they don't receive special treatment from the world. Typically, it's women who received special treatment when they were younger, who lament the most when that special treatment suddenly stops. Welcome to the real world ladies.
11
At 69, I, too, feel invisible ,and until I read this article, it was hard to put the feeling into words. I work full-time and interact with others in the workplace, but when I come home, I'm alone. As I'm older than most at work, there really isn't anyone who would think of spending time with me during non-work hours. My only child lives abroad. Until I read this article, I thought it was something about me, but now I can see it's a common feeling. I hope I can find a similar group out here in Los Angeles. Thank you for this article; it gives me some hope that I can be part of a group.
43
Relieved to see that I am not the only one who feels invisible since entering "middle age", whatever that means these days. I always say that it would be easy for a woman >60 to commit crimes, if so inclined, since there would likely be no "eyewitnesses", security cameras aside!
Glad to see groups like these being formed and kudos to the NYT for doing this piece.
34
As someone who works hard at the challenge of going through life as a featured contributor, I am happy to see there is a place for others to gain exposure, and experience from so many others with a different story. No one should ever feel invisible.
I am always on the hunt for a positive, uplifting NYT story and they never let me down.
18