I agree with not keeping our kids confined to gender norms. I bought my baby son pink and flowers because they were cute! If my second child is a girl, she will wear the hand me downs he wore which are mostly neutrals. I try to let my son play with dolls and house and not just trucks and cars. He loves his “baby” and the daycare thought it was so funny. I encourage this compassion in my son no matter what looks it gets. He can be sensitive and she can be rough. Clothes should be prepared for both.
2
My mother, born in 1920, had no chance to wear pants. Since Mom would climb trees and hang up-side-down from the branches she was mandated to wear bloomers.
In the 1950s, I wore my brother's hand-me-downs for play, white t-shirts and blue jeans. Dresses were required for everything else.
My own daughter, 1980s, had a mix of boys and girls clothes. The biggest difference was winter outerwear with the boys department having warmer jackets, pants, boots, hats, gloves, and lots more large pockets.
Some day the clothing industry will catch up with real world needs but I'm not going to hold my breath.
1
I think the larger issue is boys clothes being so hyper masculine. Most boys don’t seem to care about dinosaurs, cars, sports, muscles, etc. Particularly the under 10 crowd. This seems so simple to solve and yet the closest thing to “gender neutral” on the market is Primary (and they do a VERY good job if you like solid colors). As an aside, if some clothing company is reading the comments, please please please make less gendered flip shirts. Our household would be forever grateful!
6
H&m has sequined shirts for boys and also bright colors in clothing! In fact i almost picked up a light pink hoodie there this afternoon but already had a full basket so decided against it
1
First of all i think making ur beautiful daughter were mkstly if not all boys clothes is ridiculous..yes i enjoy mens t shirts and hoodies but the obviously mens pants do not fit us right...by all means parent the way u want to but i want to shed some light on what ur doing...i was a tom boy i rode horses i lived on a farm i wore ropers to school...anyway i never wore dresses and babe always enjoyed simple t shirts butbi was picked on so much in school by the time i was 13 i was a cutter i had no friends and school was a living jight mare from getting beat up to thrown in trashcans by all but 3 kids in school
..changed schools same thing happened
. U can try to break a stigma with ur kids but ima tell u this ur going to make their lives harder for u to prove a point...and we do have diffrent gender roles embrace that and teachbur dajghter how to grow up to be the mother that u know she can be and ur son is someones father eventually raise them like that... theres enough gender confusion going on with out adding to it...
Well...I was teased mercilessly for being dressed in my brother's Hand-me-downs. My parents were practical/frugal (although by no means were they feminists) and thought nothing of me wearing my older brother's clothes. I also had a short haircut because my mother found it easier to manage than long tresses...again, she was very practical. The result was that for the bulk of my childhood, I was mistaken to be a boy. And let me tell you, I HATED IT! I now consider myself a proud feminist, but I encourage all parents to consider the impact their decisions have one their children.
5
I had this same problem with my now 14 year old son. Looking for bright colors for boys was/ is a challenge. Green , brown and blue. And not bright colors. I have often thought to open a shop with cute boy clothes—- in any kids clothing store the girls clothes make up at least 80%!
This reminded me of a blog post from a couple of years ago by my daughter writing about her then 4 yr old son and 2 yr old daughter. http://www.astoriamom.com/2016/04/mulan-and-the-persistence-of-gender.html
I would buy pants for my daughters that have pockets. It's ridiculous that people make pants without pockets. Where are they supposed to put stuff? Their non-existent handbag?
Mini Boden had a boys shirt with flip sequins this year! It sold out in a flash.
http://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/boys-tops-t-shirts/b0406-grn/boys-watercre...
I agree. I remember in 2nd grade back in the early 70s getting spanked in a public school for wearing slacks so I could get on the monkey bars. Until title IV I think, we were forced to dress as decoration. Anyone complaining that this article goes too far has no idea what we’ve fought for with govt but continue to lose with retailers. I shopped at target for my girl/boy twins several years ago, and for age twelve, size 10/12, target seemed to sexualize young girls with super-short shorts that couldn’t be worn to school since they didn’t meet the dress code requirements. My daughter now appreciates practical clothes and doesn’t buy into the fashion industry’s interpretation of beauty. I don’t shop at target for her anymore.
1
@Kimberly Target has tons of gender neutral things for kids these days. There is a whole line of it that straddles the boys and girls sections.
Thank you for shedding light on this very important topic. This resonates with me 500% as I also have a boy and a girl. It inspired me to create my own minimalist gender neutral line of kids clothing called Bash + Sass. (www.bashandsass.com)
I wanted to give my kids comfortable but stylish options that both genders can wear without being labeled as "pretty" or "boy-ish." I hope to see more gender neutral options surface for kids in apparel and other industries as my kids get older too. Thank you for writing this article as I'm sure there are many other parents out there who agree and feel the same.
As I watch my daughter spin around joyfully as her favorite dresses for dancing fly around her I’ve thought of all the boys that will never get to experience that amazing feeling of a skirt whirling round their legs. What a shame the boxes we put our children in.
2
Just found out a family member is expecting and tried to purchase some cute infant clothing for the child to be. The entire store, down to socks, was divided by gender! Why are short white socks for girls but the same socks with reinforced gray heels for boys? Since we wanted functional clothing, we bought from the boys side. Absurd there were no non-gendered options!
AND THE UNDERWEAR! For girls, it doesn't exist without flowers, unicorns or rainbows. My daughter, now 14, wore boy's superhero underwear for a loooong time.
Reading this, I was thinking of a longtime friend,.. but It’s hard to imagine sharing with her, because of how much she invests in signaling her kids’ gender and success with new clothes. (I think she’d take it as a critique, whereas this writer is expressing a different set of values and challenges and navigating the world.)
My friend’s daughter is always beautifully dressed in frills and her son in trucks; for someone from a poor family that still struggles, I wonder if it signals that she’s arrived—whereas more educated NYT readers invest in showing off their kids’ brains, creativity, etc. OTOH, I know affluent couples with ‘designer babies’, so maybe it’s a social reference group / values thing more than a class thing!
Why sewing your own is the way to go. Lots of independent pattern designers for stylish clothing for children tweens and teens.
6
I loved having a gender neutral section to shop before my children were born. I wish that continued into elementary school ages. If their bodies are essentially the same until age 6 or so then why even have separate sections until then? I would love a store that did this.
1
I think you people are delusional. I just went to the JCPenney website, and the girl section ages 4 to 8 have Bermuda shorts, denim in black, blue, and tan, T-shirts in a variety of colors - pink, light blue, red, navy, black. I even saw plaid and cameo shirts. And JCP is not high priced.
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This is a lovely piece and you seem like a wonderful parent. Keep up the good work.
2
Why can't your son wear puffed sleeves?
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@Beth because he will be teased mercilessly. Why would you do that? Kids have enough trouble. And it makes no sense to say that girls’ clothing is flimsy so you want them to dress In boys’ clothes and then turn around and put boys in frilly girl clothes.
4
There are lots and lots of options for non-skimpy, well made girls’ clothes out there. L.L. Bean, Land’s End, and Hanna Anderssson to name a few. They are not cheap however so that is a barrier for many. However, they can last through several children so, in my opinion, worth the higher upfront cost. It’s very true that, in lower cost stores, skimpy and sparkly is the MO.
3
Amen. My 10-year-old boy loves sparkles and animals and bright colors. It is a struggle to find him clothes that spark his imagination that have designs/colors/patterns he likes that aren't cut for girls.
2
This is like the parents who give their babies Mohawks — “Aren’t I radical! I’m bucking the baby hair trend!” — without realizing parents have been doing that for 20 years already.
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@Sass - the author isn't saying that she's pulling something groundbreaking that many parents haven't done before...
But the difference is that girls in the in the 90s (and obviously before) weren't encouraged to dress in hyper-sexualized clothing like girls are today. **I would say that the 90s is about when it started in pop culture, but it hadn't yet trickled down to school until the very end of the decade.
Another commenter spoke of the difficulty of finding shorts that weren't short-shorts for her tween. When I went looking for a swim shirt for my 1 year old (at Gymboree) - the only non-pink option marketed towards girls was a light blue shirt with pink seashells over her nipples (like a sea shell bra). I fume when children's clothes make reference to the space where breasts will appear many years down the road...
2
@Kellyn I think the issue is where people are shopping. I have a teen boy and teen girl. When they were toddlers (2000s), I would buy clothes that met the need. I didn't like my son wearing sports clothes (that's the only thing Old Navy offered -- workout shorts and basketball-themed tank tops). So I went to Lands End, Eddie Bauer, Amazon, whatever worked. If parents don't like what they're finding in the department they're shopping in, RELOCATE. Shop for girls shirts in the boys department. My son wore women's water shoes from Target because those were the only ones available that day. I wear his converse sneakers when I want to. This isn't groundbreaking, it's reality. Why do stores have to meet our every need on every level? Clearly someone is buying this stuff, so instead of complaining that Gymboree doesn't have non-gendered clothes, go somewhere that does. Vote with your dollars, and let people who want to buy ugly mermaid swim shirts do so without judgement.
I think you’ve been shopping in the wrong stores. There’s plenty of sturdy stuff for girls.
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Amen! Great article! Couldn't agree more!
2
Shorts for tween girls are a disaster. Schools forbid short shorts but that's all stores offer.
We had to seek online and those were unattractive boxy Bermuda shorts. My daughter refused. We finally found two pairs of snugger fitting long shorts at a thrift shop. Thank goodness! This is a market opportunity for an entrepreneurial clothing vendor.
4
@jade ann,have you looked at Old Navy?
If people judge by what we wear why dress your children like they are homeless?
5
Dear Lisa from Boston,
T-shirts and pants are the uniform of the homeless? And because they’re utilitarian and non-revealing they’re to be judged?
Perhaps like you’re judging homeless people here?
3
The gender stereotyping extends to everything: toys, school supplies, even car seats and strollers. When my sisters and I grew up in the 1950s our clothes were mostly blue, to set off our blue eyes. Our bikes were green. Our dolls were babies, not long-legged Barbies and we dressed for Halloween as cowgirls and pirates, not princesses. This was not "gender neutral," it was normal.
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I'll mention in passing, a joke about a little girl who encounters her new cousin only while his mother was bathing him. Later the girl could not report if the cousin was a boy or a girl because; "When they don't have any clothes on, it's hard to tell."
There might be some trivial reasons for gender specific clothing, but I agree they are trivial.
From the other side, I've long resented the apparent fact that bright saturated colors are almost exclusively available in women's and children's clothing. I've purchased a number to t-shirts in the women's section of department stores. I had a sweater made-to-order when visiting a factory in Canada. They colorful model I wanted was only available in children's sizes. (I still have and wear that sweater.)
Once, when I was looking for a swim suit (I wear bikini style) my wife took me to the women's section and picked out a women's bikini bottom that I decided to buy. I wore it for years, until I lost too much weight and it no longer covered me.
So, in summary, I'm a man who also thinks clothing should be more gender-neutral.
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If there's a market for it, then maybe someone should start a company that makes more utilitarian clothing.
4
@simon there's at least one company that makes work clothes for adult women that are attractive, well constructed and utilitarian. I patronize this company almost exclusively because I can put their garments on in the morning and not have to think about them again until it is time to turn in. The same approach should be done for children.
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@simon There are plenty of utilitarian clothing and unisex clothing out there for all ages.
1
@Lisa
Not so much. I have given up on trying to find decent women’s jeans and only buy men’s now. Last time I went looking for women’s jeans none of them were 100 percent cotton and they all had pockets that were 1/3 the size of the pockets in men’s jeans.
1
I'm not sure where all these sturdy boys clothes were when my now teenager was a tot. Man he went through the knees of most pair of pants sooner or later. The only clothes that held up to his wear and tear were the ones I had to pay a little more for...same as his sister.
Pink for boys? I no longer have littles, but I can assure you once your boys hit teen sizes, they will have no problem finding pastel hues in male cut clothing. . . its common in all the 'trendy' spots the teens want to shop in.
1
@Callie It’s funny how the clothing changes for male teens. Flower patterns, bright colors, slimmer cuts. But while it’s slowly changing, most toddler boys’ clothes are either utilitarian for playing (in drab or primary colors) or clothes that look like you shrank a middle-aged accountant on casual Friday.
2
I was in recently in the bookstore with my 15 year old daughter. We were standing in the aisle with books covering the gamut of science topics. She had a stack of books ranging from topics on quantum physics to right vs left brain thinking theories. She pulled a book off the shelf - one that was about encouraging girls to embrace STEM subjects. My kid has a wide range of interest - chief among them are writing, art, and science. She loathes, however, the "push girls to STEM" campaigns. She shook the book at me, as if I was responsible for it, and said "Why not just 'Encourage people to pursue their own interests and strengths. I should be celebrated for accomplishments in art and writing, as much as I am for being a girl with good science grades. This makes me nuts!" Yeah. I hear her frustration on a regular basis and wish more folks did. In our hurry to level the field and push girls to embrace what was considered "male dominated" from clothes to careers...we can easily miss hearing THEIR own voice and passions. My kid had a science teacher that once said "Boys *can* like science, but girls *SHOULD* like it." I can't begin to tell you how much that turned-off the girls her class...especially those with other interests. Let your kids like what they like. Their clothes and interests aren't a political statement. . .
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While I'm all in favor of adding more practicality to the design of girls' and women's clothing (more pockets, please!), I do agree with your daughter. When we continue to emphasize those things that have traditionally been considered "male," such as STEM subjects, we are implicitly continuing to value male over female. Embedded within our STEM-focused curricula is the idea that those who are accomplished in math and science are somehow smarter than those who excel in arts and writing, but nothing could be further from the truth. Composing a well-constructed sentence, paragraph, or essay requires every bit as much intelligence as solving a math problem or interpreting the results of a scientific experiment. Writing is arguably even more demanding! By the way, girls get better grades than boys in math and science the whole way through, from kindergarten to PhD. In fact, they get better grades in all subjects.
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@Molly
In keeping with your daughter’s feelings, studies show that in countries with more gender equality, such as Scandinavia, women are LESS likely to flock to STEM fields. Presumably women there don’t feel compelled to prove anything, and people can choose their field based on their affinities.
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2018/02/the-more-gender-equa...
2
Your kids are adorable.
It’s neither here nor there that you shop for your daughter in the boys’ deprtment. What matters is why you do. The real reason, deep down. If finding sturdy, affordable, practical loathing is your true motivation, great. But is it? The fact that you purposely mix “girlie” colors into your son’s wardrobe tells me that you are foisting an agenda on your kids. This is something I see too often. Children should not be used as billboards for displaying their parents’ stances on anything, whether by subtle signaling or blatant sloganeering. (The most offensive example I’ve seen of this was a three-year-old wearing a Ted Nugent type of pro-hunting tee-shirt.)
Like it or not, bullying is a real problem in schools. You don’t want to do anything that makes your kid a target.
Rugged playwear for girls is not hard to find: the premise of scarcity is a fallacy. But if a girl wants purple leggings and a spangled My Little Pony tee instead of an unadorned, dull gray tee with baggy army-green pants, should she be discouraged? If it’s not a matter of money (and her being stuck with hand-me-downs), I don’t think it’s right to steer her to the parents’ preferences.
In fourth and fifth grade I went through a stage of wearing my older brother’s cast-off clothing. Later, in my twenties, I shopped in the boys’ and men’s departments for clothing that fit my very tall, thin (at that time) frame. I still wear some men’s things. No big deal.
16
Why is it "pushing an agenda" to choose olive pants for a girl? There are parents who choose to adorn girl babies with earrings and bows-- do you consider them to have an agenda as well?
Or is it only an "agenda" when a person notices the social conditioning that we're surrounded with -- "the water we're swimming in" --- and tries to widen what they and their children see as acceptable.
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@Passion for Peaches
"Like it or not, bullying is a real problem in schools. You don’t want to do anything that makes your kid a target.”
I completely disagree.
Adults working to disassemble these gender stereotypes is the only way it will ever happen, and in turn the best thing we can do to reduce bullying based on social pressures WE create around kids.
17
@Passion for Peaches Your stance gives more credence to some designer/manufacturer's agenda than to the mother's determination about what her child should wear. The designer has a very strong agenda-to box children into an arbitrary and binary categorization of clothing. Continuing to adhere to this tradition makes no sense. Also, the premise about rugged playwear for girls is not a fallacy. Girls and women's clothing is ridiculously designed with thin fabrics, scant coverings and useless pockets. Clearly the designers' agenda is to garb them as eye candy, not as functional humans. The author is spot on.
13
My reaction to this essay is the final proof of my transformation into a curmudgeon:
The problem you are describing is a non-problem.
I raised two daughters and a son, all of whom are now college-age. There were and are plenty of sources for practical, action-ready, rough-and-tumble clothes that will work for either girls or boys. Land’s End and L.L. Bean come to mind immediately, but there are many others as well. Don’t like the gendered clothing? Don’t buy it.
You will soon be largely out of this discussion in any event as your daughter develops her own opinions about what she wants to put on her body. One of my daughters declined to wear anything even slightly “girlish” from age 3 to 10; the other was and is attracted to the hyper-femmy. I offered my opinions only when they were asked for, which was never.
27
My daughter is 10 and wears through all of her pants knees. I had no idea that "boys'" pants had reinforced knees! My daughter is both super girly and really into sports. Grr! I could've been buying boys' pants all this time and now she probably won't let me...
3
Make sure she dresses in overalls when her body starts to look womanly. Make her as unattractive as possible.
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@globalnomad Don't you think by then the child will choose her own clothes?
1
My almost-3-year-old son is skinny; toddler girls’ leggings fit him better than the baggy boys’ pants. He looks cute in his little jeggings.
7
As a transgender woman I definitely understand how mens cloths are functional and girls cloths are difficult mazes lol. I have a push up bra that has maybe 10 different buckles to attach.
That's why I buy both Male and female clothing. There is nothing that can beat jeans for protecting legs, and shoes with heels are just plain stupid of you want to keep your ankles intact.
I buy mens cloths for the workweek and womens cloths for the weekend. I think men should dress pretty too on the weekends and wear strapped corsets or something. Functional for the week, fancy for the weekend. Works for me.
8
I wrote a slice of life essay called Making Eye Candy and it was about the hyper sexualization of little girls by their moms via their clothes. But, holy moly, this is not what I was talking about - this is the same old same old Darryl and Sandy Bem were yakking about in psych class at Stanford years ago. They designed the Bem Androgyny Scale- and then they had a kid. This boring rendition on clothes is old as the hills. Let it be. Just don't put the girls in thongs and tight tank tops and expect the boys are pervs when they get excited. One day we might all figure out how to be men and women, male and female and have some fun doing it. This article isn't there.
2
I would worry about hate coming from children whose parents are ignorant. Even comments at pick up time from other parents that are absorbed by little ears who know not what they speak.
1
My daughter turns 21 in November. When she was a baby I shopped for clothes in both the boys and the girls section because I wanted primary colors in her wardrobe too. Then by the time she was 4, I started buying jeans in the boys department because I wasn't putting low rise, butt crack showing jeans on my daughter. She was not happy with me because the slutty little girl jeans were sparkly and pretty. I just pulled out my embroidery thread, ribbon stash and butterfly patches and 'gussied' up those little boy wrangler jeans into something any girly-girl would be proud to wear.
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Stupid clothing for girls lasts all our life long...I've said for decades that the reason we ladies have trouble breaking that glass ceiling is because we have no pockets.
Compare the number of pockets in a man's suit to a woman's.
and oh those "decorative" pockets... make me want to scream!! or a pocket so tiny they don't even hold a tube of blistex.
Another pet peeve...
How many men do you see wearing comfy shoes to work, carrying a bag with their (tortuous) work shoes to change into.
ummm....none... !
Their work shoes ARE comfortable.
We are too easily led by the fashion industry.
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The author refers to the #MeToo era and then seeks out girls' pants with "reinforced knees." Can we imagine the Facebook and Twitter mob that would come out if Target set up a #MeToo section with just such a garment?
How did this juxtaposition get past the editors?
Separately, the other day I purchased a pink shirt for a 9-year-old girl at Walmart who'd neglected to pack hot weather outfits. It cost $2.
My wife often buys men's pants or boy's pants for the same reason. I recently bought travel pants that came with all sorts of slim pockets with zippers that even had hidden pockets inside other pockets; she tried to buy some women's pants from the same travel company, and the woman's version came with one pocket that didn't even have a zipper.
17
Having a seven year old female terrorist in my house a lot, this grandad can affirm all is well on the cultural front with her. Princess clothes one day, my T-shirts the next, no socks, then knee highs, playing chess one day, watching ‘Princess Diaries’ the next, reading first four Harry Potter books, then Nancy Drew. Clothes are just part of the jumble mix as kids that age figure out what they like and who they wanna be. We just keep a light hand on the tiller of their life.
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@Brian Tilbury The only sensible comment I’ve seen!
1
It is the mommy who is most pleased with herself over how she plays dress up with her children.
What fun!
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Adult fads have serious consequences on a child being bullied at school because he or she doesn't dress the same as other kids. Adults should be responsible in the choices they make for children as they are the carers and protectors of children. Let a child make up their own mind when they are adults about what choices they prefer in life and don't project your fads and beliefs on a child that only wants to please his/her parents and doesn't realise the consequences of the irresponsible parents choice when he/she gets bullied at school, like that 9 year old boy that wore an earring and said he was gay. No nine year old boy is old enough to make that decision and because of some ditsy parent allowing him to wear an earring and saying he was gay ended up committing suicide because he was being bullied at school.
2
@CK
Every parent imposes on their child. Every parent dresses their child according to agenda. As stated in the article, there’s no structural difference between children at a young age, meaning you can put them in whatever you find lying around, whatever’s handed down to you, whatever’s on sale. The decision to adhere to socially-dictated color norms in the face of such choices IS an agenda. The decision to buy something with butterflies vs unicorns IS an agenda. I don’t let my kid wear camouflage because I’m a pacifist. When he’s old enough to buy his own clothes, he can go nuts! Until then, he’s my child and on my agenda.
And getting bullied at school?
I was dressed to gender norms and I was still tortured. When people decide they’re going to be jerks, the clothes don’t matter.
But now I’m curious, because you seem to be an expert in parenting: if that child’s mom were standing in front of you right now, what would you tell her to do to keep her kid from dying? Go on. Give helpful advice with your benefit of hindsight and emotional distance. Tell that nine-year-old’s gutted, grieving mother how you, with all your sensitivity and parenting expertise, would do it better.
3
@CK you’re quite mistaken if you don’t think any 9 year old knows they’re gay.
I have twin girls- very athletic- who refuse to wear pants. They are happy in twirly dresses with shorts underneath. It’s funny, as an 80’s jeans and t-shirt kid, to have these prettily dressed girly girls. It’s not really worth an argument though. Whatever they want to wear is fine. So stick your boy in pink, your girl in camo. It’s cool. No one is really looking at your kids but you.
5
still looking (in vain) for women's clothing with real pockets, 60 years on! Also, tennis skirts that don't infantalize and HAVE A BALL POCKET!
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@joliolioWhy wear a tennis skirt at all? Why not just wear shorts. Tennis skirts maybe the silliest stuff that I’ve ever seen.
An opinion piece in favor of girls wearing boys’ clothes? What is this, the 70s?
Want gender equality? Start publishing pieces about why boys are taught not to shop in the girls’ section.
8
@Mr. Grieves Because the girls' clothes are not functional, over sexualized, and of poor quality. This was the crux of the author's point.
2
Preach! Thanks for this piece. I so wish children’s clothing retailers would catch on to this perspective. Thankful I’m a boy mom because the girl section would drive me nuts. Buying clothes is still frustrating, though. Pink is one of his favorite colors and is impossible to find in the boys section. So he has a pair of too-tight sweatpants from the girls section at Target. Forget about finding anything in purple.
7
What a waste! This mother of 2 boys has spent years longingly passing by the sweet girls section to head to the back (because boys clothes are always in the back) to buy yet another pair of army green cargo pants.
If I had that cute little girl we would be wearing matching sundresses. And my mom would kill me if I ever thought to dress my daughter up in a stained gray t-shirt to appear in the NY Times no less - I mean there should be rules! lol
3
Oh, yes. And the shoes! Try finding sturdy sneakers or sandals for girls. And when you do find that rare sturdy sneaker or sandal, the companies still somehow feel the need to slather it in pink and glitter. Tell me why girls' sandals have heels and wedges when they are sizes 12, 13,1....ridiculous. I'm so tired of girls' crop tops and other sexy clothing for elementary and middle school sizes. Most of us don't make our children's clothing. The choices for girls are appalling.
13
And boys are forced into the role of workman-like clothing: go run into that fire to save people. Go kill them bugs. Go under the car and fix it. When we need rough and tumble people to perform dangerous jobs, the clothes make the man. Yes, there are women fighter pilots, and cops, etc., but, by and large, when it comes to getting killed in the line of work, far and away, it is men.
Men, we expect you, through our sartorial choices, to put your bodies through the wringer. Go climb that pole and fix the power; put in 20 hour days to clear the roads in a snowstorm.
See how easy this is? Attribute all sorts of stuff to what clothing gets made for whom and blame “society” for role assigning the victimized sex of choice.
When I once spoke of the firemen who ran into the Towers, and were subsequently killed in the line of duty, some smirking woman ‘educated’ me and said they were called ‘firefighters’, not ‘firemen’. I told her that all of them who went in and were killed were men. Give them that, at least.
So, if you want your daughter to wear boy’s clothes because they suit your needs, go buy them. Just don’t blame ‘society’ for putting those clothes in the boy’s section. Boys are people too, you know.
2
@Kam Dog some of us want full humanity for everyone. Gender straight jackets hurt boys and men as much as girls and women.
1
Very good article! When it comes to freedom of movement, clothes matter. Remember the strange fuss some people made over Mrs. Clinton’s pantsuits? I finally noticed that in photos of senators, representatives and their aides, the women in Washington ALL wear dresses. When did it become law that women in government must show leg?
12
If you can't find pants or jeans for a girl in a department store, you're not looking very hard.
Heck, you can never kill two birds with one stone by buying them since most of them are practical AND have the designs young girls like: rainbow, heart, smiley face patches sewn on.
This article seems more like an opportunity to boast of her own "progressiveness".
4
If boys and girls aren't wearing Maoist green, then things are not equal.
Can't wait till 50% of plumbers crawling under houses are females wearing those utility-male jeans.
Where's Kim Kardashian when you need her--looking pretty in custom-cut plumber's jeans?
Let your son wear the puffed sleeves! Mine’s in a glittery frilled pink unicorn nightdress and truck pj pants at the moment. It’s all good, if they’re happy and comfortable.
2
This article is so full of judgment. I don’t see why girl clothes have to be deemed frilly and impractical. Really, it’s not as difficult as the author makes it out to dress a girl. Some of us parents even enjoy it. And no, just because something is tailored and not boxy that doesn’t mean anyone is getting sexualized.
5
Back in the early 1970's we bought boys clothes from Sears for our two young girls because boys clothes were made to wear and wear and not wear out. Double padded knees in denims for girls? ....forget it! Did anyone notice and remark that those two little girls with long, long blonde pigtails were wearing boys pants, boys shirts and truck boots? Not at all and my daughters were able to have a great time outdoors playing in clothes that were warm, comfortable and durable.
4
Yes, I took my granddaughter to Target recently to buy a plain white Tshirt she needed for camp to tie-dye. No plain white Tshirts for girls, just expensive frilly, girly, ones. Found one in boys section. Also, my graddaughter complains she can’t buy shorts with pockets for the rocks and junk she collects. Has to buy buy boys shorts.
9
After we put our daughter in a cute dress, we slap some knee pads on her legs. Now she's girly and has fewer skinned knees—and we do it all without hallucinating about some imagined sartorial tyranny.
2
Have you seen the difference in the inseams between boy’s shorts and girl’s??? The boy’s inseams are 5 or 6 inches long while the girl’s are an inch. No kidding. As for tops, the girl’s are skimpy, skin tight things while the boy’s are voluminous. What are we telling our girls? That they must display their “wares” from the very youngest age. Awful!
10
“Boys will be boys,” and “girls are made of sugar, and spice, and everything nice.”
Two hackneyed phrases that speak volumes of American society. One of these days we’ll figure out how egalitarianism works...
1
On my first day of kindergarten, my mother insisted that I wear pants, while I threw a great ruckus demanding to be in a dress.
I’m turning 40 this year, and this is my first memory. And I still have not let my poor mother off the hook for this (the bus driver that day asked me my name “little boy”).
I haven’t worn a pair of pants in a decade.
If she wants to wear a dress, for the love of *, let her wear one.
And it costs $5-10 for a seamstress to sew in pockets.
4
This applies to grown up girls too. My partner wears short hair, boy jeans, square T-shirts and high heals, some times at the same time. And my gay friends where “GP’s” - girl pants. Girl jeans. Old news. We once had the silly idea that girls are girls and boys are boys. Sure glad we are in the 21st century.
1
My two boys refused to wear anything but sweat pants and t shirts. Anything else was too stiff and rigid against their skin. If I had a girl i suppose it would be the same.
4
The virilization of our girls and feminization of our boys will have sad consequences down the road.
Men's clothing is definitely better made than women's. I took a menswear sewing class with a teacher who'd worked in the fashion industry and he said that the standards are higher for men's clothing because men expect to wear their clothes longer while women want to change their style to reflect vagaries of fashion. It annoyed me because I believe there are women who would prefer to buy some quality, classic styles that last, just like men.
The silliness of girl's clothing long has been obvious to me. I remember being a little girl wearing a pair of shorts. The inseam was so short my underwear could be seen if I didn't keep my legs closed. I apparently wasn't supposed to do anything in these shorts except sit and try to look cute. (Don't get me that started on the frustration of being a girl who's really not all that cute in a world that seems to care for little else.) Such shoddy construction would never be tolerated in men's clothing.
The fact that girl's and women's clothing is often so revealing is one reason why I support many school and work dress codes. The idea that a female is supposed to be displaying her body 24/7 is so ingrained in some people that they don't understand when clothing is inappropriate. I support similar codes for boys, but there's a disparate impact on girls because their clothes are often much more tight-fitting and revealing to begin with.
12
When I was in elementary school, a teacher stopped us from playing touch football on the playground because "it isn't lady-like".
1
As the only daughter with three brothers, my mother so wanted to dress me up in frills and lace and petticoats. I regularly stole my brother's clothes. So much more comfortable! In my teens, I always shopped in the boy's department for jeans. I don't think it made me any less feminine.
6
Interesting. And here's another thought or two. Wait til the girl grows up. What kind of shoes will she wear. Has the author of this article noticed that women's shoes reflect the fact that shoe manufacturers obviously believe that women want shoes that are "pretty" and feminine and relatively non-functional. And flimsy, non-supportive and uncomfortable? Whereas men have a great choice of just the opposite in shoes. What shoes does the author of this article wear? I would like to know.
5
Some clothes manufacturers, such as Hanna Andersson, do make unisex clothes for kids although they carry dresses too. My daughter wore them all the time until she got older and started picking out her own things. I really appreciated the sturdy cotton fabric compared to the sleazy fabric that is used in so many girls clothes.
7
My daughter, at age 5, noticed that both boys and girls wore only bottoms for swimming at the beach in Europe. Their father is from Croatia, and we visited yearly. She scampered to the water and disappeared down the beach, reappearing a few minutes later without a bathing suit top. We never found it and she fit right in.
I used to be irked at two-piece suits for little girls, thinking they sexualized girls far from puberty, until I realized they made toileting for toddlers so much easier. I guess old dogs can learn new tricks . . .
5
Did Levi Strauss & Co. have no comment when asked whether their girls' jeans sacrifice function for appearance?
2
I learned at a young age that men's clothes were better made, cheaper, and easier to size. Levi's 28x30 501 jeans fit well and didn't have to be hemmed. ALL women's pants had to be hemmed and never fit well. When I bought pants for my son, they were well made. When I bought pants for my daughters, they were flimsy and poorly fitted. So I began buying them boys pants also. They were fine with that until middle school.
2
Stop blaming the shops and retailers. I don’t think retailers sell clothes based on what they see as “boys” or “girls” clothes. Merchandising is based on sales and trends. If parents stopped buying gendered clothing, retailers would adjust and start selling for example, olive green cargo pants with reinforced knees in the girls section.
But yes, I agree that girls clothing could probably be more practical but I have met many young girls who refuse to wear anything but leggings and dresses, and yet they still climb trees, and are just as active as their boy counterparts. If they’re happy wearing dresses and leggings, and don’t seem constricted by them, what’s the big deal? What is this knee jerk hatred of all things “frilly” or “girly”? Why is it perceived so negatively? Maybe the ultra drab, athletic focused clothes imposed on boys is the problem. Patriarchy at work once again.
1
I noticed, when my boys were small, that every article of clothing put on a girl under the age of 8 was either pink, purple or was otherwise decorated with girlie sparkles, ruffles, or flowers. This was in North Berkeley, a pretty progressive neighborhood. It really creeped me out. I thought it looked like branding, or evidence of some kind of caste system. Is there some kind of deep seated fear of having your daughter mistaken for a boy? I also thought crew cuts for very young boys was weird too. Many men go bald. It may be the only time those boys enjoy long hair.
4
Thank you for this article Sara. I struggled to find decent pants for my tree climbing, worm-digging young daughter and still now, as she headed off to college, we had difficulty finding sturdy non-pink pants with larger functional pockets that fit her tiny frame. Argh!
3
Little girls and big girls, both! I'm in my 50s and still have trouble finding clothing that's comfortable to move in and that has enough pockets, pockets big enough for my small wallet, keys and cell phone. Unfortunately, my figure is no longer the same one as my brother's, so I have to wear women's clothing.
At least I can still wear men's shoes.
5
@Citizen
Have you tried some of the well-known catalog clothing companies? They have pants for different body type and their jeans, chinos and knits have real pockets.
Even in NYC I can no longer buy my clothes in stores as they are either the crummy big chains or department stores too rich for my blood.
As a working single father of four, I note that the author seems against gender stereotypes- yet the only purchasers of kids clothes in her article are female.
Is taking care of kids, including clothing them, really women’s work?
2
The image of your children are so sweet. Your children are so lucky to have you. You probably challenge more than stereotypes for them and they will benefit. So will the rest of us. Clothes are important.
1
Believe me, as a 57-year-old adult woman, it does not end with pre-school! Both my stepdaughter and I bemoan the lack of good, practical pants for women with lots of large enough pockets. The men's department has plenty, but as a petite woman I can't fit in those sizes.
5
@Peggy D., shop at L. L. Bean!
I can completely sympathize with not wanting to buy a separate set of clothes for each child especially if your kids have no strong preference. However, I dont feel like I am the driver in either my kids fashion sense or her gender identity.
My husband and I were jocks growing up and to this day have zero fashion sense. Our two-and-a-half year old, on the other hand, has been carefully crafting her own style for over a year. It revolves primarily around tutus, shorts, pink everything, purses, sunglasses, and “lipstick” (a chapstick she begged me to give her).
I’ve tried to steer her in other directions but it only led to tears. I bought her a black leotard only to have her refuse to wear it muttering something about being a “bad girl”. We’ve dragged her out of the house crying on several occassions because we didn't let her put on her tutu.
I feel like I have very little influence over how my kid expresses herself stylistically. That said, none of her outfits seem to stop her from being the ring leader among her classmates (both male and female) or coming home with her tutu in tatters.
1
I don't know about people being used to boys with curls. My 5 year old son has hair to his shoulders and is called a girl by most strangers, no matter what he is wearing.
I despise how gendered children's clothing is. Even companies like Primary which have solid coloured clothes for kids have "girly" cuts that are narrower and frillier and more athletic/boxy cuts obviously aimed at boys. And try to find boy style underwear in fun colours!
4
And once upon a time (see: Thomas Jefferson, John Adams), men were wearing elaborate skirted coats, and shoes with decorative buckles, and wigs on their heads, and...
I don't understand fashion at all.
4
Of course it's not just with children's clothes that the male version is designed to be practical and the female version is designed to be pretty. Aside from the obvious absurdity of high heels, why can't the pockets of any women's pants ever be deep enough to hold a wallet?
3
My Swedish husband hates when we get pink clothing and when everyone tells our daughter how cute she is. He likes to focus on how she thinks and what she is doing, and I realize he’s right. Girls are usually told how cute they are and boys how well they are doing something. Not surprisingly there are a lot of great Swedish kids brands about there making quality clothes hay work for both girls and boys.
3
i've had the opposite experience. boy pants are made of baggy denim and don't fit well and aren't comfortable and the pants i buy for my daughter are soft, neutral, comfortable.
1
I'm a 70-year-old male and at Gap I bought women's "Essential Tank" camisoles in both white and grey. They are perfect singlet undershirts, and they were on sale!
1
check out Primary.com. no logos, just clothes in plain colors that hold up well over time and from one kid to the next. They are "boys" and "girls" but essentially gender neutral. And I'm not affiliated with the company in any way.
1
Our daughter, now 30, lived in mix ‘n match sweatpants and sweatshirts until she was 9. Warm, soft, comfortable, bright colors. Then the teasing started, that she wore “baby clothes.” Much as she hated jeans, she started wearing them in fifth grade to fit in. But summers always meant baggy T shirts and bike shorts.
2
If parents don't buy them, companies won't sell them. What's worse, fast forward a few years, and, in our area, the same moms who help create demand for girly clothes are taking revealing bikini photos of their 12 year old daughters to post on Instagram. They used to post their soccer and basketball team wins and losses!
3
I am amazed that all the little pre-school girls in San Francisco wear dresses. How to you play in those? Also, it seems that parents are grooming girls to be pretty. Thought we had gotten away from that
3
@Kathleen Clarke Easily. Dress over leggings. One of my (very practical) daughter's favorite combinations. I suppose some of the girls you see may be wearing dressy dresses, but a dress can be perfectly practical. Effectively, it becomes a long top--one that won't ride up.
3
Please note that Brown university recently did a study on the rapid rise of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria in young teen girls. My daughter was always "gender non-conforming" (she didn't drink the Disney Princess kool aid). She was fine being her non-feminine self until adolescence, when she suddenly insisted she was really a "boy". She wanted her new breasts cut off & to start taking Testosterone. I told her she would have to wait until adulthood before altering her body in any way. By age 17 she had outgrown believing she had to be a boy to be herself (the irony). These strict gender boxes are messing with the gender identity of too many kids. Boys can be "feminine" while still being boys. Girls can be "masculine" while still being girls. We need to stop equating gender expression with biological sex & allow kids the freedom to be themselves - without amputating healthy body parts.
8
Don’t the make overalls anymore? My little girl lived in osh kosh bgosh all through preschool. That was 35 years ago.
6
In full agreement - children's clothes (and toys and activities and learning) should be un-gendered. Children should be children, period.
But the blindspots in this article are glaring, because it’s not really focusing on the welfare of ALL children – it’s focusing on girls.
So what if you buy your daughter pants from the boys’ department? Does anyone give her flak for wearing boys pants?
Because try doing that with a boy, buying him a skirt or something with a unicorn on it.
I’ve seen women – and mothers – just as quickly and sometimes even more adamantly reinforce gender stereotypes.
And while reinforcing ‘decoration’ (ie; expression) isn’t fair...neither is closing off the value OF expressing through decorative clothing – no matter the child’s gender. Also, slipping in results of some study about ballerinas feeling bad about their bodies because of 'tight' clothing is silly, since the reason for ballet uniforms (for both girls AND boys) is to see the correct alignment of the body. I'm sure a study about any athlete whose body doesn't fit a specific 'ideal' (conditioned or true) would find the same kind of anxieties regardless of gender.
What could’ve been a fair and smart appeal for letting kids be kids and helping knock down gender divisions across the board instead wraps in, however clunky, the author’s own adult ideological views and comes across as biased as the clothing itself.
I'd say it's better to let kids be really kids and not use them as proxies.
2
Agree with the author, but I faced the issue in reverse! I had a hard time finding toddler clothes for my son that fit his smaller frame. Pants were too wide, loose and stiff. They slid down on him. I ended up buying ‘jeggings’ from the girls racks. Now that he’s 5 he tells me boys clothes are boring. He’s tired of grey, blue and variations of trucks,trains and dinosaurs. He wants colour and rainbows! I too wish kids clothes could just be kids clothes without being so specifically for boys or girls.
3
It's not just girls' clothes, it's women's clothes as well. Pants and skirts with no pockets (or shallow pockets that can't hold a cell phone or even work ID). Men's clothes are made to be altered, women's are not (not all women wear a 30 inch inseam or need a 24" skirt). Flimsy fabrics. Cheap materials.
I hated trying to find appropriate clothes for my nieces when they were young (does everything need to say "Princess"?). I can only imagine it has gotten worse.
4
I have an 8 year old boy. Did not know boys clothes are practical. They have bulky pants made of very rough material, and Very wide waist. Every pair of shorts are boxy without style. Every jackets has a hoody that becomes Heavy on his back. My son refuses to ware those because they are super uncomfortable. I have to buy bulk clothes for him every time we visit my parents overseas. What I am saying is please don’t invade child’s world with your ugly politics. There are plenty of practical issues for kids already
I find that this bias you describe in clothes for your daughter and son exists through adulthood. Try shopping for women's golf pants that have a pocket for your card, or hiking pants that actually. come to the top of your boots. It appears women only go outside in perfect weather, never think about walking through prickers and don't carry anything in a pocket.
4
This is the classic kind of Times personal stories turned heroic that we have seen increasingly in the paper over the past few years, particularly in the Sunday Review.
Can we file this in the category of problems that are not really problems? Can you imagine parents around the country struggling to put any new clothes on their kids reading this and laughing out loud? A bit in envy and a bit more in derision.
1
Some thoughts.
I decided this fall, to knock an item off my bucket list, so i signed up for an introduction to ballet class. Looking at the dress codes at many schools, I discovered that most mandated leotards, and tights, while banning skirts. I learned that the reason for this was to allow the instructor to see exactly where body parts were in relation to other parts, and to see how those parts moved. If those parts were covered up by skirts, loose clothing, or drapes, it would be impossible for the instructor to properly coach the student.
Having said that, the first time I tried on a leotard, I had to dispense with a bra. That, coupled with the tight fabric of the leotard made my boobs disappear. I had a pretty significant bout of body shame, until I realized that my body was my own, something special, and something to be loved and valued.
Maybe the real question should be why women and even some men are so concerned about whether our bodies match some artificial Madison Avenue standard?
Second thing is, I'm a MTF trans person. I sport two wardrobes. A feminine wardrobe that makes me feel attractive, and is worn when I'm out and about. And a men's wardrobe that is my uniform for working around the farm. The only clothes that will stand up to heavy use are heavy-duty, men's jeans, and either polo shirts, or flannel button downs. Wolverine work boots deal with the mud and dirt. Women's clothing won't stand up to the harsh, barnyard environment.
1
Around 1969 or so, when I was in the 6th grade, girls were finally allowed to wear pants or jeans to school. This was in Chicago, where the winters are Arctic cold. I wore jeans from that point on, to the point that some boy wrote in our 8th grade 'memories' book, "could anyone ever imagine seeing" me in a dress?
For years I thought his comment was cruel, because I loved dresses too, but I didn't deem them practical for school. Now nearing age 60, I believe separate dress codes based on gender (are you reading this, US Open management?) is absurd.
8
The other two things that drive me batty about women's clothing is that sizes mean nothing.
I can take two, Calvin Klein skirt suits off the rack. Same manufacturer. Same size. One fits and flatters. The other one does not. I can't wear Anne Klein, nor Tahari. None of their items hang right on my frame. I wear a size 10 in one company's offerings, while a 10 from another firm is huge.
Second, men's clothing is timeless. When I was presenting male, I could order the same Lee jeans, the same LL Bean Khakis and polos year after year, and they never changed. The suits I bought in 1983 were still fashionable, and still in great shape. Sizes were so standardized, that I could order these items through the mail, and I knew that they would always fit.
Women's clothing has to be tried on to insure fit. I've lugged 20 items into a fitting room, and found that none of them fit. This rarely happened when I was buying men's clothing.
6
She writes that "I scoured the internet for girls’ pants with capacious pockets and reinforced knees, and found maddeningly few options." Fine. But I've known plenty of adult women who are always searching for their keys as they leave the house, and when I've suggested they use a pocket dedicated to their keys they've always declined. If this columnist's suggestions take hold, think of the time saved leaving the house every day! But seriously, anything that reduces the male-female polarity and reduces a woman's chances of getting married and having children and being happy in life, I'm all for!
2
@Bob Roberts
If women want to be able to buy more practical clothing and merely express that desire, they can apparently count on some men to ridicule them and passive-aggressively threaten them with not getting married, having children, or being happy. But if wearing practical clothing is an obstacle to misogynists, then that's just a bonus.
6
@Bob Roberts
We may wear pocketless pants for elegance on occasion, but adult women mostly DO prefer pocket on their pants for every-day use.
About 10 t0 15 years ago manufacturers stopped providing pockets on women clothing saying it was a fashion preference, but, because of women demands to pockets on every-day slacks, they have been put back≤ doing the past several years.
I think a similar problem exists with adult clothing, not just in what's available, but in how culturally women and men dress. I have for quite some time now been on the hunt for my "uniform" - something that I can put on most days without thinking much about it, that will look put together and that I will feel confident and good wearing. I have started to figure it out, but it's taken a while. Men's sections are full of many different versions of essentially the same shirt; women's are all over the place in terms of cut and design, which I guess is more "fun" but also requires extra effort to make into an outfit ("what will I wear this with?"). Each day is a new "outfit." Also, the fabrics that my husband's shirts are made out of tend to be nicer and more substantial, and I like the colors and patterns better. Affordable clothing companies that make quality, durable women's wear often have cuts, colors and patterns that I don't like or find flattering. Now I own five of the same dress in different colors/prints, two of the same purse, two very similar pairs of shoes (black, brown), five pairs of the same pants, and ten of the same shirt in white, navy, black, and stripe. Getting dressed it easy and I can still look "feminine" in a way that suits me.
16
@reader It's funny, where I live--fashion capital of the world--this is exactly what women do. Of course, there are those who live and die by the seasonal trends but a lot of women (of all ages) have a uniform based on their taste and what flatters them. On the men's side, there is also much more investment in looking good: grooming, tailoring, etc. It makes the average person's streetwear much more interesting to look at.
3
@reader yes... last year I fainted in the street, with an 'accident' in the 'plumbing department' accompanying it. I was new to the city, and the only person I knew then was female, so she lent me a pair of her trousers. Man, those tiny pockets... no wonder women need handbags on every outing!
1
Good piece. I would also add a third reason for more pronounced stereotypes in children's clothing over the last 30 years: the rise in oversees textile manufacturing has led to an abundance of inexpensive children's clothing (and clothing, in general) in the U.S. For the first time, new, mass-produced clothing hit the big box (and department) stores every, single week...and that is a SKU-monster that needs to be fed...and instead of fed with diversity it is fed with pinks and violets and dots and stripes and floral patterns for girls and surfer prints and board shorts and cargo pants for boys. "All you have to do is look at the last 30 years of consumer culture for children to see these stereotypes coming out more and more,” she told me. One reason, she said, is the rise in the 1990s of third-wave feminism, which embraced traditionally feminine looks; another is the prevalence of tests that let parents find out a child’s sex before birth, and have led to the trend of holding gender-reveal parties in pregnancy.
1
@Michael Cummings
Third wave feminism is a misnomer. Millennials and young women are masculinists and have abandoned feminism in favor of acquiescing to males getting everything they want: ubiquitous porn, hookup culture, Tinder, Grinder, sex without love or caring or responsibility, a popular culture in which women entertainers dress and act like strippers, young women who refer to themselves as sluts and prance around the streets in their underwear, rape culture in which a rapist has less than 1 chance in 1,000 of spending any time behind bars. Men have won the sexual revolution and soon the US Supreme Court will take away women's rights to sovereignty over their own bodies. Millennial women have betrayed the cause of women and set women backwards. A generation of handmaidens.
3
@Earthling this is what feminism wanted- what you are describing is feminists getting their way, not me .
My daughter has been declaring her intent to become a paleontologist since before she was 2 years old. Naturally I tried to find her some dinosaur themed clothes to go with her interest. At first I couldn't find anything, until I went over to the boys section of the store. There were plenty of dinosaur shirts over there! So I bought her boys shirts.
Recently there's been push to make more dinosaur themed girls clothing, which is great, but I've noticed an odd trend. The boys shirts usually show a T-Rex, pterodactyl, or one of the smaller raptors. Once in a while there's a triceratops, but overwhelmingly the boys clothes show carnivorous dinosaurs. The girls dino themed clothing shows a stegosaurus, brachiasaurus, or triceratops, with an occasional pterodactyl. The first three of those are herbivores. Why do boys get the "scary" dinosaurs while girls get the "cute" ones? Are we somehow saying that boys are predators and girls are prey?
47
@Sarah This is exactly what I argue in my article, "Why are we still dressing boys and girls as predator and prey?."
2
And the other way around. I was so frustrated with the boys collections 15 years ago when my kids were young. Navy, grey and khaki was the choice, (As if they were adult men on weekend mode.) Though lately H&M has started to make the most coolest sequin t-shirts for boys. Hopefully your kid could take a fancy.
12
In the 50s, my mom dressed my sister and me in boys’ striped shirts and jeans (our after-school clothes), until we started to choose clothes on our own. Now, at 72, my favorite casual shirts are easy fitting boat necks and pullovers, mostly in stripes or graphic patterns.
4
The sartorial gender divide doesn't go away in adulthood. I love sports including triathlon. I'm constantly frustrated with the lack of high performance gear for women as compared with that for men (although it's improving).
I can find plenty of fashionable yoga wear, leggings, and skimpy jog bras, but when I want high performance gear, like a jacket made with high performance fabric for cycling down a mountain in the rain, men still have many more suitable options.
17
Go to a Hallmark store for cards. Pink envelopes for girls and women and blue for boys and men. Revolting! The same with their Christmas ornaments especially the Mother and Daughter ones. I have always hated pink, been into science and sci-fi fantasy and even when I was a kid in the 60's I fought the girly colors. Pigeon holing kids from birth is truly horrible. When the dress code in school changed from forcing us girls to wear dresses to allowing us to wear pants I never wore a dress again. When companies create these pink is for girls and blue is for boys clothes, they do a disservice to all of the kids who march to the beat of a different drummer. Not all kids have the strength I did not to care what other people say. At 57 it's t-shirts and jeans for me, Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, Sherlock etc. and I pity the fool who would ever say something about the way I dress. PS- high heels only make the manufacturers and foot doctors happy avoid them at all costs! :)
1
@Chrisa
I think someone mentioned it before, but just try to buy national brand running shorts that have more than 3" inseams. I'm too old for those and never have wanted such short shorts. I've complained to the stores and they say they know and agree but headquarters doesn't care.
Note that the headquarters are in warm places with lots of thin young women.
It is easier to find shirts sd men's and women's styles are not that different so you can cross gender more easily.
2
Yes to the last point she made. I have two boys and struggle with the fact that girls can pretty easily wear boys clothing but it’s almost impossible for me to find shirts in my sons favorite color (pink) that aren’t overly girly. Or how he can’t wear a shirt of one of his favorite tv characters (peppa pig) for the same reason.
21
@LizzzH
My 5 year old son loves Peppa Pig too. And Lego Batman. And Paw Patrol. This article is great. We should NOT be imposing this stuff on them. They like what they like! He had 3 other girls with him in daycare when he was 3, they got to wear pretty frilly, pink dresses, and he was sad. So we let him wear one too, and he was so happy.
I love that my son is sweet, and still likes hugs AND kisses, and I know that one day he will outgrow that, but why rush it. Let him enjoy it now. I find that most of the "likes" of his peers are imposed by the parents.
8
The characters are a reveal. My son loves Peppa. And he cannot understand why the Mickey Mouse shirts for boys have Mickey, Donald, Goody, and Pluto but no Daisy or Minnie, or why many of the Paw Patrol shirts eliminate Skye. His father is sure this is because some parents wouldn’t buy clothing for their boys that include a female character, no matter his central.
3
@LizzzH
Target sells pink shirts for boys-Cat and Jack brand- $5-$10.
3
I completely understand your battle. Along with the brands you listed, Hanna Andersson and Mini Boden also do durable clothes for girls. I fight very hard to let my 7 year old feel that she's "stylish" like her friends (glitter is her mantra), but also to make sure that she's still dressed like a kid. She equally loves her science-themed, gender-neutral t-shirts and her sparkly unicorn shirts. My 3 year old has inherited his older sister's bright pink Speedo swim vest, which certainly makes him easier to spot during the summer. And my youngest daughter, age 18 months, has a delightful mix of girls' and boys' clothing, courtesy of her older siblings. I know that I am definitely still guilty of "gendering" my children via their clothing, but we're slowly trying to break the stereotype. =)
13
Sounds pretty smart.
Preschools should
have unisex uniforms
or suggested clothing
guidelines—clothes
that are comfortable and
sturdy but inexpensive.
I was a preschool teacher
and I cannot tell you how
often parents chastised me
cause their kids got paint
on their clothes or got dirty
in the sandbox. Sadly it
was mostly mothers of girls
who sent them to school in
costly, impractical dresses.
The kids wanted to have fun...
Parents, wise up.
20
My 7 yo grand daughter has always preferred girly clothes but it has been difficult to find skirts that allow for movement. Besides, preK and forward, the children sit on the classroom floor for a good portion of the day.
Early on she insisted on wearing fluffy tutus. As they went to shreds I made gathered-ruffled skirts for her that she happily wore with everything — shorts, leggings and long pants. They suited her just fine.
More recently I discovered skorts from LandsEnd that suit her girlish but active nature. However, very few other lines of clothing carry this skirt-short combo and I haven’t seen sewing patterns for them either.
IMHO Clothing makers want to copy adult styles for children’s wear. What’s wrong with children looking like children? How about bright colors, interesting patterns, pockets and washable/durable fabrics with elastic waists that are comfortable to wear no matter the child’s sex?? That would be novel.
21
My granddaughter likes to wear dresses but she has biker shorts in assorted colors to be worn under them so that when she sits on the floor or hangs upside down on playground equipment, she’s well covered.
2
We stopped buying dresses for our daughter before she could walk. We watch her try to crawl in a dress and do one face plant after another. We said to ourselves, "No wonder girls are less athletic, we have hobbled them."
The other side can be just as cruel. One of the lore stories in our family is that many boys in our neighborhood got to play with dolls because my father said "I'm enough of a man to not worry about whether my 3 year old son is enough of one." As a boy, I had the pinkest bedroom you ever saw, with pink furniture and a pink bedspread. It never stopped me from crawling under the car with my dad to learn who to change a muffler.
44
@JS One of the things that makes me happy is the fact that trans people don't have to be binary any more. I can enjoy wearing skirts, dresses, styled hair and makeup, and I can also take pride in my incredible tool collection, my ability to build or repair anything around the house, and to do farm chores in work boots. I love it when I see women riding motorcycles, driving trucks, swinging a framing hammer, and running a chop saw.
Gender roles are way too confining and limiting.
In short, at least in the Northeast, I can follow the beat of my own drummer.
7
Where did you get the notion that girls are less athletic?
@Emmette how insulting to reduce being trans to clothing and tools. How misogynistic to imply real women can't or shouldn't use tools as a normal part of womanhood. What you call gender non binary I see as shallow self loathing. Ifyou can't love tools while still being a woman, that's your internalization of gender norms, not a violation of them. Women for years have worn makeup and used tools. Your new think makes those women into something else. Funny how liberals now are as stifling as conservatives.
It's not a new phenomenon. I'm 60, and more than a half-century ago I can recall my mother (mother of 5 - 3 girls, 2 boys) saying that the Sears boys' winter coats were a good value, warm, well-made, but the girls' coats were over-priced and impractical.
25
Hand me downs are great. I never had a problem buying t-shirts and durable pants with pockets for my daughter, however. If there is individual preference to color, then it is true that boys' clothes are more neutral, but there are plenty of brands from Gymboree to Lands' End a that make resilient, athletic clothing that fit both sexes. I think the author is stretching it. Why do adults care so much about the messages sent by children's clothing?
Such tenderness to gender-bias in children's clothing may be a reaction to stereotypes our culture but I find it the suggestion that girls' clothes are designed for 'princesses' and boys' clothes for explorers and scientists is a neat way of tying up the narrative and puts too much emphasis on appearance. Has anyone come up with a study which shows that girls who wear princess t-shirts are poor students or become secretaries rather than engineers? Or that they don't get into Harvard? By twelve-years old, or before, children choose their clothes and none of this matters.
8
Absolutely agree that the author is exaggerating. Where is she shopping? I’ve bought my daughter plenty of sturdy girls Levi’s jeans, plain pullover shirts, and casual/hiking shirts and shorts/pants since she was a toddler.
3
@janeausten As a MTF trans person, I was shocked when I transitioned, and discovered that people were now obsessed with how I looked. As a guy, I could go out in the public space with dirty jeans, wrinkled shirts, unkempt hair, and even dirt on my hands, and no one said a word. If I went forth as a woman, and had one single dog hair on my skirt, EVERYONE noticed, and everyone commented. Guys can run out the door without looking at a single mirror. Women need to critically examine every aspect of their appearance to make sure that they're not going to attract criticism from other women.
Second thing I noticed was that when people wanted to attack me, they'd hone in on appearance. Moving through the world as a guy, I'd get whacked on talent, skill and background. As a woman, it was all appearance.
No wonder why women have so much issue with body images and how they look. I have to fight this kind of stuff every single day.
5
@janeausten My daughter would insist on putting frilly crinolines on top of her gender neutral sweatpants and t-shirts and then go climb a tree. I would put bows in her long curly hair and she would come home from school looking like she had been playing in mud next to helicopters. She later graduated summa cum laude from BU and Columbia University.
4
Gender bifurcation in clothing begins in childhood and never lets up. As a cis-gendered adult female one of my big complaints about clothing is the dearth of pockets in professional-looking skirts and women's pants. About a dozen years ago designers seem to have decided that pockets made us all look fat. My husband for his part has had to look for a "masculine" bag that carries his iPad and spare card holder -- the kinds of items I put in my purse. Don't get me started on the limited options for the people we know who are outside the gender binary.
The selection for our daughter when she was little was rarely ideal, for the reasons expressed in this excellent article. One of the few places that made an effort undid some of its hard work when its catalogue had a spread with words to the effect of, "With fleeces like these even chemistry seems fun." There was no similar advertising in the pages dedicated to boys. I did, however, receive a receptive response when I phoned the company to complain, and I have not seen that kind of advertising from that purveyor since.
11
This is not new. As long as 32 years ago, I was shopping for my daughter in the boys' department, and getting sometimes outraged response to it. My toddler girls were both dressed in bright, primary colors, cord pants, and sneakers, not pink tutus and ballet shoes. We were regularly asked if they were boys. "The more things change, the more they stay the same!"
13
@kithg My twin daughters will be 25 next month. When they were little I got most of their clothes from the boys's department - I wasn't even thinking of gender at the time, but comfort. It's not practical for crawlers or toddlers to be in dresses.
And when my son arrived, he had lots of hand me downs - from his older sisters.
10
@kithg
Maybe it's not concerning that they were mistaken for boys. In most cases, it's not relevant whether someone knows that a child is male or female. Maybe having your daughters clocked as male might be beneficial, at least in our present society.
1
It’s always been crazy to me how stereotypical clothes have been based off of gender. Ever since I was little I’ve gotten clothes from the “boys” section bc of how much more movable they are. And I’m not the only person I know who’s done this. Does that make you boy at heart? No. But growing up there was still so much stigma around it which I found so confusing. I remember being told I shouldn’t like the color orange because “it’s a boy color”. To me, colors are just colors! They have nothing to do with gender. I think parents should be able to dress their own children in whatever fits them best and when the children start picking their own clothes they shouldn’t have to worry about looking the part they’re made to play based on which sex they are.
11
Good for you. By coincidence I had the same thoughts just today, except it was prompted by noticing how women on the street dress. With lots and lots of exceptions of course, women often wear clothes and shoes that are designed to be looked at while men wear clothes that are just functional. Shoes are probably the most extreme example.
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@Tundra Green
Yup, shoes impact how we all move. My daughter, at age 6 through 10, chose to wear hiking boots to school with colorful cotton leggings and bright tees. She was very active and could keep right up w the most athletic boys. She’s quite the femme now and still athletic.
9
@Tundra Green Shoes! Don't get me started. When my daughters were little, high-heels weren't called high-heels, they were "dreadful shoes". The message pretty much got through.
It infuriates me when I watch TV talk shows -- Stephen Colbert, Seth Myers . . . -- to see the shoes worn by female guests. Except for Rachel Maddow and a very few others, all women totter out onto stage wearing ridiculously high stiletto heels. It makes them look like decorative and fragile ornaments on stage, rather than like interesting people with important things to talk about.
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@Tundra Green
"Most designed to be looked at"? Women in public who wear leggings as their only visible clothing between waist & ankle. Plucked chickens spring to mind… .
1
My mother was definitely ahead of her time. In the forties, when I was young and playing in the park near our apartment, she used to buy pants for me in the boys department at Lord and Taylor. She also bought boys blazers, saying that boys clothing was made better than for girls. Of course she was also the talk of the neighborhood, dressing her daughter in pants. It definitely saved on bandaids, since I was a bit of a tomboy.
19
Thanks for this article. I have a 2-year-old daughter. When you buy clothes online for kids in that age group, the product descriptions on online retailers' websites say it all: on the girl's side, the text next to a given dress will read something like "your little princess will feel extra-princessy in this sweet pink dress with sparkles." On the boys' side, it's all "here are some adventure pants for your little adventurer, with extra pockets." It's disturbing to realize how early these norms and expectations are programmed into our children.
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@A. Mark
I like "your little princess will feel like a little adventurer with extra pockets!"
Predefined gender roles are for the birds.
1
that's funny. I often shop in the girls section for my three year old son because soft, forcible leggings are way more comfortable for him than the stiff denim available for boys. he just refuses to wear rigid boys' pants, and I lament that the message seems to be that boys can't be comfortable.
For sheer comfort, it's either girls' pants or pajama bottoms for him on a daily basis. I would jump right on some quality non-gendered clothing, but it doesn't seem to exist anywhere!
19
@Rae I'm female, and have always had trouble choosing between the girls or boys sections. As a kid, I only wore leggings or dresses on my many, many, many outdoor adventures--because they were more flexible and comfortable than horrid jeans. In 4th grade, I switched schools and was teased mercilessly for wearing a dress to PE. Therefore, I wore those deeply uncomfortable jeans and baggy shirts from 4th grade onwards. Alas. I regained my senses by the time I headed to college. Now an adult (in fact, teaching at a university), when I'm out in the woods gathering mushrooms or going for a run, I'm wearing a dress and/or leggings. That much easier to climb over a fallen tree when you don't have to worry about your pants stretching properly, or those big pockets getting snagged. And loose dresses, I have found, provide better protection against the mosquitos...
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@Rae
Start with Mini Mioche, HannaAnderson, and Winter Water Factory. You want organic cotton for soft and sturdy. The best organic is GOTS certified. Look for gender neutral, and you'll find some amazing styles and colors. The printed on design at WWF are safe and amazing.
@LFG
I avoid women's clothing when doing farm chores because the lightweight fabric won't hold up to the rough environment, and the skimpy coverage exposes too much skin to biting flies and mosquitoes.
I have trouble finding clothes sold by even the best-known recreational sports clothing companies. All the womens's tops, jackets, coats, etc., are in "girlie" colors and the men's clothes are better made and cheaper and in the primary colors I prefer. Alas. So I mainly don't buy their offerings.
18
@Jane K
I agree with this! Every time I shop at REI I think, who wears these weird colors? I'm always drawn to the men's gear in earth tones instead of the strange teals, magentas and powder blues that you see in the women's section.
As a result I often go home empty-handed.
4
@Jane K I buy the men's stuff. I don't like the close fit that many make for women, and particularly like the men's tops and jackets. I like the colours better too.
I also buy men's hiking and walking shoes. I have big feet and a size 10 men's shoe fits me a lot better than the women's with their small toe box and there is room for warm socks.
I just wish they made men's sandals a tiny bit more girly, I haven't been able to find a pair of good women's sandals for years.
I am thinking of asking my gay men friends where they shop.
1
I just had to add more boy's pants to my daughter's wardrobe. She doesn't like the tight feeling of leggings, and needed some warmer pants for winter. Once she tried on her brother's old pants, she was hooked.
Unfortunately, by not having loosely cut pants in the girls section, she has little color choice. Boy's pants are in a very narrow color range. All her pants are grey, black, or blue. Meanwhile, one of her male classmates only wears leggings. At least the girls section has leggings in a wide variety of colors and designs for him to choose from.
12
Honestly, you are way off base with your opinion on female clothing and design. I have three boys and one girl. My daughter and I celebrate our female side through clothing. Well designed clothing can be beautiful and practical. When my daughter was younger I even sewed and knitted many clothes which were pretty and practical. My daughter had no desire to wear her brother’s clothes. Happy to be a woman and to have a daughter who appreciates pretty and good design.
8
@Amanda - I think you missed the point - the author is saying the the girls clothes seem to not be made with the reinforced knees for rough and tumble playing as the assumption is that boys would tend to want to do this and girls wouldn't. Well her girl does and so does my niece and many other girls. The author's girl also likes to explore and pick up rocks and leaves and puts things in her pockets which is another thing that seems to be designed more in boys clothes. All she is saying is that the assumption in many of the boys and girls clothes manufacturers is that boys will tend to want to do these things and girls won't. And the concern is if girls who want to be rough and tumble and explore and stuff things in pockets, but don't have the pockets or the reinforced knees, will they quit doing these things because the "girl" clothing they are wearing makes it less comfortable to do so. EXCELLENT article.
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@KLJ
That was one of my biggest complaints about my clothing as a little girl in the 60s was I didn't have pockets for my stuff. My mom sewed so she made sure the outfits she made for me had pockets. It was hard getting jeans for little girls back then too. My mom had to buy them for my sister and I from the boys department at Sears. We requested them for Christmas one year because our dad was fond of taking us exploring and bare knees got scratched up!
15
@Amanda Frye
Thank you! My 6 year old daughter loves anything with a unicorn, rainbow, or mermaid on it. Her glasses are pink. She hates long hair. Her favorite subject in school is math. (Yes, you can wear pretty/whimisical clothes and love math.) The author of this article needs to focus on something more important than kids fashion.
Grew up in the 70s. Always shopped in the boys department - corduroys and t-shirts. Felt fine and free. I don't get what the big deal is -- just wear what you like (but of course societal pressures). I get that. It is pretty funny how "girl" ish means fluffy stuff. Maybe all the definitions should reflect x or y, say, "practical" or "fluffy" (or whatever) -- without having to "name" anything boy or girl.
4
I wore denim overalls and corduroys and striped knit shirts in the 1970s, just like the boys in the family. The pink explosion seems to have hit in the early 1980s. I think it has contributed to the unhealthy obsession with gender issues and selfies that seem to be so prevalent. I am a woman regardless of how I dress. People should just get on with it.
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@Bookworm8571
Really. How can wearing pink account for iPhone addiction and narcissism? What about the suffragettes in their petticoats? Did they have any problems asserting themselves with girdles, hoops and padlocks? No, they did not. What is your point?
Clothing manufacturers are for profit enterprises. They will gravitate to and produce what the market wants. In this case the market is moms and then later on an entity negotiated between mothers and daughters.
2
@Peter There are a lot of grandmothers out there too. I broke down this summer and bought my 7 year old grand daughter the T-shirts with the sequins that change colour. She was so thrilled by them I didn't have the heart not to. I usually look for school uniform type polo shirts and haven't been able to find a new cardigan for her this year that does not have a 'floaty' asymmetrical hem that is impractical for playing.
Some of the commenters here have suggested online sites that look interesting. Thanks to you all.
My 3 year old grandson is obviously not comfortable in the rigid boys pants that are available. I will rethink some of the legging and stretch jean things in the girl's dept for him.
4
I taught my, now adult, daughter that her clothes were tools for her life. she needed, and needs, clothes for climbing, dancing, learning, working, theater...anything she wants to do. her wardrobe is part of her tool belt, along with her muscles and her brain.
31
And clothing manufacturers automatically assume that--if there's a dinosaur on the front of the shirt--it should be located in the boys' clothing section of the store or the catalog. I have eight granddaughters, and several of them are heavily into dinosaurs.
54
I’ve become a big fan of Target’s Cat and Jack line for this reason. They sell girls’ shirts in bright, happy colors (often many boys’ clothes have appealing characters but drab colors) that feature dinosaurs, among other designs that need not be gendered.
4
@Andrea I love the Cat & Jack line! I'm a small-ish (female) adult, and I happily wear several items from both sides of the gender divide... Lots of fun things to choose from, and well made and comfortable to boot!
1
@cflanmac
Yeah. 'Cause dinosaurs are awesome.
I'm glad that my six year old niece agrees, so I get to play with her dinosaur toys.
1
My wife was a tomboy, and was getting ready for soccer matches, basketball games and rough play with my daughter. What my wife (and I) got is tea parties and a girl that will only wear dresses.
All kids are different.
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@Tom so true. Some girls want to be feminine. And that is a choice they should be free to make.
1
In the late '80s I took my three-year-old daughter to the Y for swim lessons. All her neighborhood friends were boys who wore "trunks", so, so did she. When we returned for the second lesson, there was a sign posted: "We are a Christian organization. All females must wear tops when using our facility." I took one look at the other girls who were wearing what can only be described as bras, then high-tailed it out of there.
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@nano
I guess those Christians had eaten apples from that old tree in the garden of Eden and now KNEW what everybody had to wear -- no matter how young.
Looking at the comments and as an aunt to two nieces and a nephew under 3, I'd suggest going the European route. John Lewis in the UK no longer offers 'boys' and 'girls' stuff, just children's. Petit Bateau (France) has sturdy cottons and woolens in colours which can be worn from 0 months to 90 years old. Mini Rodini and H&M (Swedish) are another option.
41
My most vivid third grade memory is putting on the shorts I brought for gym class. I wanted to be like my older female cousins who got special school gym shorts when they got to high school. The principal informed me that he only allowed girls to wear long pants in gym class. I was sent back to change into my skirt. It was long and narrow enough to restrict my movements. As a very athletic kid I was almost weeping with frustration at not being able to fully participate in the activities. My first lesson in how men police women’s bodies but certainly not my last.
54
As has been mentioned, it was easier in the 80s to find non-gendered clothing. I had nothing with ruffles, bows, low cut, etceteras on it.
Then again, the 80s featured an ethos of "you can do anything" and mothers who grew up in the stifling late 50s/early 60s bought into that for their daughters, rather than the PRINCESS stuff we have now.
59
As someone who has two girls (now grown-up), I don't think that clothes really matter. The parents and their attitudes are much more important. My advice is not to worry about gender stereotypes - believe me, your children will let you know sooner or later what they want. Just love them, be flexible, and don't preach. I have full confidence that the newest generation will be terrific!!
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@angelina
Children's clothes matter in that they alter how adults think about and interact with the girls and boys wearing those clothes. That, in turn, can have a profound and insidious impact on children's images of themselves.
1
I'm not advertising for anyone on purpose. But I'm a grandmother who shops for a small boy. Target has a great line called Cat and Jack. They make boys and girls clothes in very bright colors with fun patterns and motifs. They are mid priced, often on sale and very sturdy. Ton of pants, shorts, tees, socks- a favorite set-owls, woodpeckers, raccoons, foxes on the toes. Perfectly fun for both sexes. Some things are clearly real girly or boyish but vast amount in the middle ranges. When my son was little 30+ years ago all the boys clothes had some version of " little slugger", sailor suits, or train engines and construction tools. Dreadfully boring and for him inappropriate. He never was the least interested in baseball but had many interests. A lot of the Carter's p.j.'s and onesies are cute but unisex-ducks, whales, octopi, bunnies etc.It's actually much better nowadays.
It's so fun when you can still dress them. Doesn't last long.
27
@Consueloca
Cat and Jack is good stuff. Buy it often for 7 year old granddaughter.
@Consuelo Another vote for Target’s Cat and Jack line here. We’ve found very cute, practical clothes for our first grade boy in traditionally “girl” colors. They’ve helped keep the stereotyping at bay, at a reasonable cost.
1
My athletic, 8-year-old son prefers leggings, which I buy in the girls' section of any clothing store. They are his preferred approach to staying warm in the winter as he insists on wearing shorts year round. Kids don't seem to care. Only adults do.
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I did the same thing. My daughters both loved the outdoors, digging in mud, climbing trees, and racing trucks across the living room floor. Trucks and cars are more fun than dolls that don't walk and run by themselves.
I think there was one pink girl's outfit in the entire wardrobe, passed down to the younger because it was seldom worn. Both actually hated dresses because their "underwear showed" when they played the way they were accustomed.
It is outrageous that today people continue to differentiate between "girls' toys" and "boys' toys." The toy retailers are slowly learning not to label their aisles.
19
My athletic, 8-year-old son prefers leggings, which I buy in the girls' section of any clothing store. They are his preferred approach to staying warm in the winter as he insists on wearing shorts year round.
1
My grammar school classmates rebelled, in 1969, after the principal sent all parents a letter saying girls should stick to skirts and dresses, even in 20 degree weather.
We had been requesting more and more pants on shopping trips because they were more practical, comfortable, and warmer. Sure, I loved buying a dress and Mary Jane shoes. But that year we girls decided pants were easier annd began wearing them 80 percent of the time. By high school, it was 98 percent of the time.
17
My very conservative parents dressed me in my older brothers’ hand me downs happily until I requested something else. This was back in the 80s. I do think somewhere in the 90s and 2000s “girly” and glitter and sparkles took off in a major way. Those things were available when I was a 7 year aspiring princess or ballerina, but so were many practical clothes too. Today I dress my two kids in Primary.com clothing - what works for one works for the other, and then we pass it down to their cousin. Plain, colorful, happy, quality!
8
You are correct about the changes in the 90 s amd sparkle-glitter and godawful shades of pink and purple crept into girl's clothing. The girly girl dressed somewhere between a failed ballerina and a 1930s tap dancer. then along came the merchandised Princesswear, all stamped with a logo or gaudy picture of some Disney idea of a princess. I remember a friend complaining, in the 2000s that he could not find a simple pair of non-princess branded sneakers for his daughter. Now, kidsd haven't been kids inasmuch as tiny billboards for companies like Disney. Glad to hear that parents now have alternatives.
17
@Camille G That looks like a good source, I will have to figure out the Canadian exchange and shipping. Thanks.
When my son was in preschool I tried to get him into karate. It didn't take. He started ballet in second grade and has been seriously dancing since. We get a laugh when we go to Old Navy and see the "ballerina" stretch clothes for girls across from the "karate" clothes for boys.
12
@The F.A.D. I have a dancing son too. He got his start late (11) because we were idiots and didn't realize he had this amazing expressive movement inside him. We've always told him he can quit if he wants, but he's 16 and still dancing. He can jump so high he has hang time...and he loves the fact that he has more muscles than most of the guys in his grade (a definite plus). It's hard to find dance clothing for men / boys but we love boysdancetoo.com!
The subtle clothing signals don’t end at childhood. As a 50 year old female I hand out fewer business cards than my partners. Without pockets it can be easy to forget them, and awkward to carry them, going into a meeting.
30
To date, I have managed to buy my daughter everything she has at second-hand shops. There is no "girls" or "boys" sections at the smaller ones. Clothes are just sorted by age, and toys are scattered randomly. It's fantastic.
I will pointlessly disagree on a few points, however. In a hot climate, I specifically seek out the thin leggings. They are cooler, and I don't regret finding fewer rocks or marbles in my washer. Yes she wears out the knees. So she goes to preschool with ripped knees--a badge of honor. I also think sometimes it's the girl clothes that are more fun. There's nothing my daughter (or her best friend, who happens to be a boy) loves more than twirling in the right dress. And I see no reason to knock sparkles for girls or for boys, just as I see nor reason to knock rockets or whales or robots or butterflies regardless of sex or gender.
Kids will have the rest of their lives to be told how to dress. Don't start young.
9
Let's also not forget that men's clothes are CHEAPER than women's clothes. Like so much else. We still make less than men, but everything for women is MORE EXPENSIVE. Right down to shampoo.
I have also become aware of clothing brands that charge a significant markup for the women's version, while the bigger men's version might be $50 less. I'm looking at you, Rails.
On a side note, I was often mistaken for a boy. Wish I'd had Sara as a mom: I love the way Lia is dressed. Though to be fair, until I was at least 10, my mother made all my clothes. I had crazy pants suits, an Easter outfit (with a polka dot scarf!), and more. I didn't learn until I grew up how inferior this made all my mother's friends feel.
51
Yes they're more expensive, so if there's no difference then stop buying them! I think about soap/shampoo/etc. As far as I can tell, there used to just be plain soap for everyone, then there was special "sensitive skin" women's soap and people started buying it, so I assumed there was some useful feature I just didn't understand and I kept buying cheap soap. It's becoming more gender-neutral as well - they're convincing men to use body wash the same way. There must be some reason to spend so much more on your soap (right?), but I don't care and I'll use my Dial, thanks. Each bar lasts about as long as a bottle of body wash, and I get each one for less than a dollar in bulk.
Clothing is trickier since men's and women's clothing are different shapes for a good reason, but surely there are discount items either at a store like Kohl's or Amazon? I go to Kohl's, buy a few 2-for-$20 shirts or pants that are "fine", make sure I have enough to make it to laundry day, and get out in 15 minutes or less. Maybe I'm less concerned with my appearance than the average woman? But then surely that's worth some extra; there's no shortage of expensive men's clothes either for the men who value that more than me.
As near as I can tell, women are the ones driving this segregation with their purchase choices and manufacturers are just responding. The old ways didn't stop working, after all. Women just figured they'd buy the "women's" version rather than the "regular' (and thus "men's") version.
2
@Robert
Madison Avenue has a lot to do with the things we all buy of our own free will. In this case it's at least 50% a supply side advertising-driven trend toward different soaps, shampoos, etc. for men and women ,ot a woman-driven move.
Are Virginia Slims still on the market? I'm sure they were an invention of Phillip Morris in response to low sales to women -- not in response to women demanding more feminine cigarettes!
5
Let's also not forget that men's clothes are CHEAPER than women's clothes. Like so much else. We still make less than men, but everything for women is MORE EXPENSIVE. Right down to shampoo.
I have also become aware of clothing brands that charge a significant markup for the women's version, while the bigger men's version might be $50 less. I'm looking at you, Rails.
On a side note, I was often mistaken for a boy. Wish I'd had Sara as a mom. Though to be fair, until I was at least 10, my mother made all my clothes. I had crazy pants suits, an Easter outfit (with a polka dot scarf!), and gauzy dresses. Of course, now I'm all Eileen Fisher System + Fashion within Reach.
4
I get my Prell for under $5 a bottle - but Prell's a bit of a splurge and there's cheaper ones. I wasn't aware it only worked on men's hair?
If you're buying expensive women's shampoo... why? Does it do something useful/different/better, and if so isn't that worth something?
1
@Susan Slattery
Eileen Fisher clothing was simple, beautiful and affordable in the 90s. Now it's strange looking and outrageously expensive. $600 for a cardigan? What in the world happened to Eileen Fisher?
1
@fast/furious Re Eileen Fisher (a bit off topic, I know): I still have two tops and one sweater bought around 1992, they've lasted that long. But I can't afford to buy EF today -- outrageously expensive and not nearly as beautifully neutral and drapey as back then.
Many people have thought my sons were girls, even with short hair and wearing a blue, “boyish” looking outfit. Including one of my neighbors, who lived across the street for YEARS. I think some people are just strange. The default also seems to be female.
10
I have two boys. In stores there are always twice as many girl clothes as practical clothes. The boy's section is always severely picked over. I never wait for anything to go on sale. I buy when I can. I buy a lot on line. Retailers should pay more attention to basic/boy clothes.
12
Long hair, face paint, skirts and high heels (to better sit up in stirrups in order to shoot arrows more accurately on horseback) have all been worn by the fiercest warriors of history - Celts, Romans, Mongols, etc. There's no reason why all humans' clothing should not be a hybrid of form and function. All we have to do is look to traditional ethnic dress to see that males and females all over the globe have managed to express their individuality and creativity, adorned as beautiful objects for others to admire while simultaneously being functional in their clothing as the subjects of their own active lives.
10
@Amy Luna Exactly. Where did we get the ridiculous idea that clothing has a sex?
Please. I am as girlish as can be. My mother dressed me in my brother's hand me down dungarees and shirts until I was in kindergarten (dresses and skirts required).
We had very little money to spare. No one made any comments--everyone was in the same boat.
While I would have liked to have been dressed in lace and frills and furbelows, it didn't really matter. I knew I was a girl. I knew my brother was a boy. I knew I would always be a girl.
Once I started working (at age 11, babysitting) I had the money to emulate the models in SEVENTEEN Magazine.
9
@Drshar90 Sadly, too many children - especially in conservative homes, are falling for the idea that if they like "girly" things they must be girls, and if they like "boyish" things, they must be boys. When kids start having surgery & taking hormones to make their bodies conform to their gender expression, this becomes a medical danger to them.
Based on his skin tone, your son looks fabulous in fuchsia. And Lia looks wonderful in grey for the same reason.
I have the same skin tone (and used to have about the same hair color as they do (mine was slightly darker) and I found that people who do look great in: black, grey, navy, fuchsia, magenta, hot and shocking pink, indigo, dark (Husky) purple, the American flag colors (those shades of red and blue, plus white), burgundy, and pine green. Gender should not count; skin tone should.
Good for you!
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@vacciniumovatum
Nothing like missing the point.
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Our son had very narrow feet. His baby shoes cost a fortune, and that was in 1970.
We bought him girls shoes until he was too old to fool anymore, There are many shoes that are very much alike for both sexes. But. thw fooling ends when they are old enough to notice thw fact that you whisper to the sales person. His shoes for track in high school had to be special ordered. The cost was almost $250.00. He wore a 13, AAA width and AAAA hee. He was 6'5" and weighed a whopping 180.
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Memories of the mid to late ‘70s....tube socks and running shorts passed muster with my athletic mom, as did boys’ jeans. She drew the line at the NFL bedspread I requested.
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My daughter was born in 1977 and was allowed to wear whatever she liked to school (as long as her essential parts were covered and she wouldn't die of exposure). It was so much easier in the Eighties to find nongendered clothing! My daughter has remarked on this fact many times (she has a young son). My daughter lived in sweatpants and sweatshirts during the winter because she disliked jeans. She occasionally wanted a frilly dress, which we bought for her and she wore, but daily clothing was what many people these days would consider "boys' clothing." No one saw anything wrong with it. It greatly distresses both my daughter and me to see pink and frilly things pushed on girls these days. My grandson's two female cousins are always dressed girly, and I wonder if they would choose to dress differently if they hadn't essentially been given no choice in the matter. Hooray for the author for refusing to stereotype her daughter! We need more pushback.
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I am one of the presumably scores of feminist mothers who studied gender studies in grad school and swore to parent gender-neutral, from clothes to pronouns.. but somewhere between 3 and 4 years my child has developed (shock!) her own sense of judgment and taste. I know I'm the adult, but I don't believe I should just ignore her subjectivity -- which tends towards glitter, pink, and long twirly dresses. As others have pointed out, it's hard to battle mass consumer culture with individual decisions (that have a slight whiff of self-righteousness).
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@Donna It's impossible to raise a gender neutral child in such a gendered culture. But I actually tried to get my daughter to wear pink & frills, and at the same age as your daughter, mine decided she wanted nothing to do with "princess clothes". The real issue is that my daughter is just as female as your daughter, regardless of what she chooses to wear. We have confused gender expression with sex in ways that are harmful to kids - especially girls: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/08/180822150809.htm
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@Donna - good for her, who wants to wear drab cargo pants. I know I don't. If I had a daughter we would wear matching twirly dresses. But alas I have boys
Back in 1975, I dressed my year-old baby in a blue shirt and pants I'd bought secondhand. A stranger in a grocery store cooed how cute "he' looked. I smiled, thanked her, and said "She's a girl."
The lady accused me of "false advertising."
I'm still chuckling 43 years later!
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Excellent points, and here is another. My seven-year old (girl) soccer player refuses to wear the tiny shorts sold to girls. Instead, I buy more 'traditional'/athletic shorts in the boys dept. which she loves and I appreciate. It is maddening to see girls being sexualized at such a young age!
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@Anthony
My wife has complained since high school (ahem, decades) that her running shorts were daisy dukes while the guy's team got longer no-chafe versions. Just look at sports: Women are barely covered while men get loose, long cut uniforms, or at least full coverage (basketball, volleyball...).
It really is ridiculous how even "high performance" clothing is not so much gendered as sexualized.
As to the sell-more-clothing note: she would buy her sweaters in (cheaper) men's departments for the better cut arms and more durable yarns. The manufacturers caught on that lots of women do this, so they simply deleted the S and XS sizes.
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@Tom - at least she had shorts, when I was running cross country in the late 80s we wore what was essentially bathing suit bottoms and the boys got to wear shorts.
When my daughters were little some 20 years ago, I was happy to dress them in Ohs Kosh B’gosh wear, which was t-shirts and overalls. On the days they insisted that they wear dresses to school, I made sure they had on bicycle shorts as well. One day, a little girl playing on the monkey bars at the elementary school my daughters were attending (grades K through 4) was told to get down (by an older, near-retirement teacher) because her underpants showed when she climbed on the apparatus. So, apparently, it was more important for a girl to act “lady-like” than to be active and have fun like the boys. Word got around among the parents and a group of us descended on the school, en masse, to say that the edict was ridiculous and overtly sexist. Like a little second grade boy was going to lust after a little second grade girl “flaunting” her underpants near him? Seriously? The school relented and the teacher was reprimanded. Stand up for your kids, parents!
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I have 3-year-old boy girl twins. I am horrified by the fact that the girls clothes tend to be cut smaller and made of worse materials. At the same time, all the boys clothes tend to be in drab colors. My son loves his orange-ish pinkish pants he’s worn so much they have Thinning knees. I can’t find colored pants for boys. Also the girls clothes tend to be softer. And there’s glitter. And rainbows. He wants glitter and rainbows even though his favorite color is brown. My daughter likes all of her clothes to be soft she doesn’t want to wear anything that resembles jeans or canvas. So leggings actually work well for her or loose cotton fitted pants.
So I buy my twibs clothes from both gender departments all the time. And they both wear things back-and-forth. It was my intention when they were born that I would buy gender-neutral clothes and let them wear them. I did buy gender neutral underwear.
It would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I could just buy clothes for my kids and not have to look in both departments to try to find the things they like. My twins are within 2 pounds of each other and everything fits either one. It’s not related to their sex. Why does all the boys clothes have fire trucks and monsters and killer sharks. Well the girls clothes have princesses and sweet little animals. I still actually preferred the cute little animals over the monsters and killer sharks.
I wish we could get more gender-neutral clothing companies.
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@Sara And if you look at a same-size girl and boy wearing typical gendered clothing, you can tell them apart because the little boy's wearing a long shirt and long pants and the little girl's wearing a long shirt and panties...
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I can't figure out what's happened. I was born in the early fifties. Both my sister and I wore brown corduroy pants, cowboy outfits, and cowboy boots. I also had a Davy Crockett outfit complete with coonskin cap. It seems like the neighborhood girls also dressed much like the boys when not in school. Schools made girls wear dresses but outside of school girls wanted to play outside and be comfortable. This was the fifties, an era that we're told was conservative but toy stores weren't segregated into boys' and girls' sections and lots of little girls dressed a lot like little boys.
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@Linda As another child from the fifties, it seems obvious to me what has happened to bring us to this state. The gradual emergence of visual media, beginning with television and then the addition of the internet and smartphones, has been dominated by hyper-sexualized images of women and girls through ads, movies, TV shows and pornography. I fear that despite the efforts of the mothers of girls to reverse or modify the trend is too late and will never be reversed. Another contributing factor is religious hypocrisy of all the conservative sects in the world who at once demean, repress and objectify women. Nothing will change as long as males are in control.
It is not just about clothing for boys and girls. I am a female, price conscious senior, well above the age of kindergarten. I buy many of myT-shirts in the mens department at Target or Uniqlo because, for equivalent prices, they are better made, use better fabric, and are sturdier than those in the women's departments. Buy a size smaller than the one you usually wear. You may need to shorten the T because mens' are made longer.
Men's T-shirts come in fairly standard designs, although these days you will find in wider color ranges and styles.
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@Bernce Glenn I am also a senior who wants well-made, comfortable clothing. Half of what I wear come from men's departments; however, I have a large bosom, and some pieces just really don't fit properly.
I do wear men's shoes, exclusively. With a triple- E foot width, I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I first invested in a man's shoe--a unisex, plain loafer. I decided right then and there, that since I preferred the comfort of socks and sturdy shoes, trousers go better with them than do skirts. All my dress outfits are pant-suits; all my everyday wear are jeans/slacks and knitted cotton tee or polo shirts. I haven't purchased women's shoes in at least 10-12 years.
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I can second that. At 62 the men's t shirts are roomier and longer. I have a men's top quality black golf shirt I use for yoga. nice and stretchy, good and long. It all started in 1st grade when my mom bought me Buster Brown shoes Instead of Maryjanes. All my life I fought with dry cleaners who charge women's rate when I had mens shirts . Yes I have been a cross dresser most of my life.
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@Bernce Glenn I also buy men's short sleeve T-shirts because they are less skimpy and cover more of the arm. As you get older you realize that your arms look better covered!
Oldest daughter is 30; younger is 25. I bought Lands End clothing for the oldest, which her sister wore 5 years later. It still looked like new.
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Once upon a time, girls and boys clothing for school was very gender defined but play clothing was very similar. Then the clothing industry discovered GI Joe and Disney princesses and young children's clothing became hyper gender defined. During the very same years, adult women (especially adult women living outside the South) took to wearing much more unisex clothing for anything outside of parties and workwear for female TV anchors. Today I have no difficulty at all finding clothes that work well for adult women with the same features (pockets and sturdy fabrics) that my husband can find. In some cases, like jeans, I even find that my jeans with spandex last way beyond what my husband's non spandex reinforced jeans do. Now part of that is that the clothing stores where I tend to shop (REI and Patagonia and North Face and other outdoor stores) actually sell basically the same things for women and men, but with fits for women's bodies. As someone who used to try to fit into the early outdoor gear that was only designed for men, this was a revelation. Even Carhart has a women's line of tough clothes including my fashion faves for below zero weather on the ranch, the insulated canvas overalls and coats. For adult women, it's a wonderful time to shop for those kinds of clothes. How sad that it's not so for children. On the other hand, those same stores also sell children's clothes so maybe not all hope is lost.
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Maybe thin women can find clothes that are functional but for plus size, forget it. Even Land’s End jeans have useless pockets.
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@Been there Buy Craghoppers, mens pants. Lots of pockets, even one for your cell phone, many are zippered, water and bug resistant and you can buy the length you want and not have to hem. Since I discovered them, that's all I buy. I need very large women's, and men's 40 waist works great.
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Funny you say the situation is different now for adults. That is not my experience with technical gear or even high-quality sweaters. Recently I was searching for truly waterproof rain gear to wear in the backcountry for several weeks in backcountry Alaska. I am fairly petite with narrow shoulders. In the ‘90s, I found decent stuff that fit. This year, I searched high and low for rubberized rain gear for women and basically couldn’t find anything that was well constructed and fit. I started with the commercial fishing wear and worked down (ultimately, there were only two options, both lousy). For my husband, it was trivial. It made me so sad to realize how small the market must be for women. The low quality also indirectly jeopardized the trip, in that I was slowly taking in water just doing basic tasks (pitching the tent, etc.) on very wet days.
I find children's clothes very frustrating as well. Just like toys. Or sippy cups. Or anything related to children, actually. The sharp gender divide in children's products, in the age of feminism and equality, is so lagging that it drives me mad. What's the point of drilling some hollow message of bravery and ambition into your daughter's head if you're going to dress her to look and act like a doll anyway? This isn't being over-sensitive. Kids are extremely good at picking up on social cues. They will copy and follow what they see, no matter what else you tell them. And even if you make it a point to avoid the extreme stereotypes, like I did, even if you research every sock on Amazon until you find the perfect balance of colors, comfort and messaging, even after you surround your daughter with options and opportunity in both clothes and toys... She will come back from daycare and declare that from now on she only loves pink and purple and no other colors at all, because that's what all of her female friends wear and all the girls she sees at the playground or around town.
This effort only pays off when everybody's doing it. Or at least enough of a critical mass. Otherwise you're a lone fighter in a sea of pink and blue, and even at the young age of 4, your child will still want to align themselves with society, and not with you. That is why I'm so pissed at this hypocritical, backwards society. Equality is in words only. We need to grow up and actually ACT on those words!
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When boys and men begin wearing skirts, we will know gender disparity in clothing is truly dead.
Some men need to wear bras. Sales and advertising of bras is directed to women, why?
Buying male coded clothing for girls isn’t really breaking down barriers, is it? It still says binary. Either/or.
When men begin softening their wardrobe, celebrating their bodies through decoration, when they have no fear of full expression of self and can wear whatever they want, are free to emote in ways that heal rather than divide, we will have no disparity. Until then, we continue to sweep our children into this camp or that, decrying a freedom that is not true for all.
I get wanting deep pockets, strong fabrics and less frill. But I also wish boys were encouraged to wear frills, skirts, dresses, or whatever clothing makes them feel good that day.
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@Melanie Testa Bravo, well said, Melanie! I laud your words. I could add a few of my own in support, but sometimes less is enough, don't want to crowd the narrative.
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@Melanie Testa
I never understood how men and boy in western culture get along in hot weather without being culturally able to wear skirts or even shorts. Their own group self-induced fear of being "girly and weak" keeps them from being comfortable.
If they want to suffer, let them. Girls and women can be more mature in their clothing tastes although there has been much back-sliding over the past 50 years.
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@Melanie Testa I agree. And getting to the place of "no fear" is probably going to take a while. But as a male person who has been buying my clothes in "men's" and "women's" departments for years now, skirts included, I do see a gradual blurring of the clothing binary taking place. We just need to step up the pace. And remember that not all kids/adults are even binary in the first place.
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I understand the practical aspects, and I agree that many clothes for young girls are bordering on inappropriate, more now than in the past. However, I would caution justification with the types of social psychology studies you quote—they are the types of studies that seem to powerful to be true, and are likely spurious observations that are not robust and unlikely to be true.
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I buy leggings in the girl section for my preschool aged son because his range of movements is much better in them than those ghastly elephant leg baggie atrocities for little boys.
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I heartily agree that kids gendered clothing is often problematic. But we’ve been able to find comfortable activewear for our daughter in the girls sections. My very daring, curious, and physically active 3 year old loves dresses and bright girly colors (I used to include boy clothes in her drawers and she ignored them.) But her dresses tend to have pockets and her leggings are stretchy and tough as far as I can tell. And I’ve made it clear that she can rip or stain any clothes she wants unless we’re at a formal event. I like Hannah Anderson, Boden, Target, Old Navy, and H&M for finding clothes that aren’t sexual, that don’t have sexist phrases like “sweet girl,” that are decorated with dinosaurs and planets, and that wash well.
I will say that I was frustrated with baby clothes for girls - I had to buy boys onesies to get little shorts on her rompers to protect her thighs from the ground. And I don’t know why anyone would care if their child’s gender is mistaken, as well meaning strangers seem to think I would care when it happens to me.
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@Emily Take a look at Primary which was mentioned in the article. www.primary.com
This is a newer online only brand that has a great selection of clothes that are gender neutral and if you have another baby or have friends that have babies, their onesies are gender neutral and come in lots of colors with no cutesy phrases or sayings on them. All of the other brands you mentioned are places I would have recommended to the readers as well.
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When they were little, I loved telling our girls that the advantage was theirs in clothes: they could wear anything, including pants, shorts, and yes dresses, while boys have traditionally been more limited in their choices. And while they were in preschool/elementary school, my daughters mostly found leggings and playdresses (with pockets!) to be even more comfortable and play-friendly than pants and tees.
I, too, find comfortable dresses to be the work-acceptable adult version of cozy onesies. Maybe it's the boys' clothes that lack imagination, not the girls'!
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I do feel bad for the boys myself
You should have pretty good luck with rainbow and flower shirts for unisex with Mitz Kids. No puffed sleeves for anybody!
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Some children born with penises ID as girls. Some children born with vulvas ID as boys. Babies are typically assigned M or F at birth, but they are presented whichever way their parents (or carers) wish them to. And if the general public calls your daughter a "he," you may elect to correct them, or ignore the error, or ponder the possibility that the child may "her" self one day become a "he."
I have learned to say, "Oh wow what a cute baby!" Or, "That child is a daredevil!" (Cannot assume the child belongs to the adult. Cannot assume the gray-haired wrinkled minder is a grandparent and not a parent who acquired the child at a late age. Cannot assume a single thing.)
It is safe to say pleasant things about a young charge to the person who is ostensibly minding him or her without using "him" or "her."
Incidentally, my middle schooler's homeroom form asks each student to list First and Last Name; Name I Wish to Be Called; and Preferred Pronouns.
Re clothing, it is a relief when the child starts choosing her or his own garb. I had the rule that as long as it is "safe" (which means it won't strangle you on the playground, prohibit running in phy ed, and/or leave you vulnerable to frostbite or heat stroke), go for it.
Re post-pubescent clothing, a 13+ year old person with "womanly" hips is probably stuck with "women's" trousers at least in the mass market retail world. So my assigned-female-at-birth child is no longer able to wear "boys" pants.
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I think you missed the point that all the F babies, no matter how they come to ‘identify’ are given restrictive, cheap clothing, while all the M babies are given clothing that promotes being confident and active. Sex-based oppression is real, and it is evident in how we dress our children. Your comment obscures this fact, which the writer describes beautifully.
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@RobinOh my goodness! Harsh. And I honestly don't agree with the OP or you. I was making a different, yet related, point. I dressed my "F" baby in cotton sweats, leggings, and tee shirts the whole way through. My comment doesn't obscure anything. Looks like other commenters have had no trouble finding comfortable clothing for active children. Where do you shop?
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I, too, have long been frustrated by the impractical choices in the girls’ clothing section. But I’m often equally dismayed by the boys’ clothes on offer. Though there are more primary colors and pockets, there are also way too many items with camouflage and flags and in-your-face patriotic quips for my taste. If girl clothing sends the message that girls are decorative, boy clothing seems to promote an aggressive, bellicose mindset, neither of which I want to encourage.
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They're both taken to the extreme. Ultra macho for the boys, ultra girly for the girls. It's frustrating and disgusting to shop both for my son and my daughter.
This article brings me back to 1970’s Marlo Thomas. Little boys and little girls look the same. The reason to dress or style them differently is so that other people who encounter them know their gender, and are saved from the awkwardness of not being able to figure it out at a glance. If you want your daughter to have the frequent experience of the nice lady in the grocery line saying “Oh he’s so cute, how old is he?”, then keep dressing her exclusively in boys clothing. But you can’t blame the nice lady. She’s only following the cues you’ve given her. As a pediatrician I was occasionally confronted by a child with long curls and a gender-neutral name wearing a hospital gown and sitting on my exam table. I quickly learned that parents do not like it when you mistake the gender of their child. I developed many clever ways to paraphrase “how long has he had this fever?”
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@P Wald
As a pediatrician you should easily be able to determine the sex of your patients by looking at their medical chart. Don’t you do that prior to seeing a patient anyway?
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@Pamela Are you a physician working in an office environment?
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I also buy boy’s pants for my girls. Winter boy’s pants are also more often lined and warmer. Little girls don’t get cold, apparently, or they are expected to stay indoors.
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I think we get it. You didn’t need to post it 36 times
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