Let me see. A 90 some year old has sex a few times with a 30 some year old. Total cost appr. 2 million bucks. Another scenario: no woman, no sex, and then he dies with 2 million more bucks in the bank. Call me stupid, but I rather choose the first option. Could anyone lend me 2^6 bucks please?
57
Does anyone find that blaming Ms. Anderson for what essentially boils down to a "crime of passion" is the perpetuation of age-old misogynistic tropes that have allowed men to evade responsibility throughout history? That violence was committed because a man was enraged at a woman is not the woman's responsibility. This piece is written in a way that places Ms. Anderson as a master puppeteer in an elaborate scam rather than a fairly transparent huckster. She was not involved in the slightest with plans to physically attack anyone and I find it incredibly offensive that the Times has published a piece with this type of spin on it. Women have been cast as the vixen and the toxin for centuries, with men as the naive and misdirected dopes whose violence is permissible and for whom blame is avoided. This story is a great example of how easily we fall into old patterns and how engrained in our psyche are these archetypes. The Times should do better in 2018.
98
Grifters try to craft the scenario that will draw you in. Leaving the house one morning in the pre-cell days I was approached by a panicky well dressed man who asked to come in to use the phone because he'd locked his baby and keys in the car. He was very convincing and actually made me feel badly about not letting him in so I offered to call. Predictably, the phone number was fake and when I came back outside he was gone. Most people I know are kind and want to help--grifters take advantage of that. Seniors are particularly vulnerable because of social fragmentation, a more community oriented focus, and yes sometimes declines in cognition.
89
I think Mr Needleman is rather brave putting all this out in the open. And his life has provided way more learning opportunities than most people of his age experience. He took some risks and I am sure he is a wiser man. Hoping another will solve our emotional issues rarely works out in my opinion and we all need to find that out, usually painfully.
34
I guess being old is not the same as being wise. I can understand wanting to help her but paying $180,000 for the son to buy his future brides and then after realizing he was being scammed, marrying her again speaks of senility or just plain stupidity.
The saddest part is that she never looked after him and had sex with him just twice. He ignored all of that and his friends' advice, now he is alone and has lost close to $2 million, like PT Barnum said "There is a sucker born every minute."
61
For those with means:
If you have married and have produced and raised kids and find yourself single. It is absolutely stupid to ever get married again! There's nothing you can't do with a partner that you can't make a contract for.
If you want to support the younger chick who is inexplicably ($$) interested in your old skin self, then write that into a contract. Then you know what you are getting.
Also, by about age 80, you really ought to have bound up all your money into trusts that you can no longer break. You can estimate your spend for travel, you can put aside for extra health and you can lock up the amount that should go to your kids (if you have to keep the will dangling in front of them to coerce them to deal with you, you already blew it, just give it to them and die alone).
With a known annuity, you can play the field, buy young flesh all you want. I'd say, be realistic, the young thing probably wants to play, so tell him/her to keep it clean and put it into the contract. Things are clear, people are happy. They can't then steal all your cash, because that's already allocated into irrevocable trusts. It's only the pay to play money that's in play.
See how rationality can make your life more fun? This is for those of means. If you are poor, find a contract with those of means.
43
I liked the "..jump in the box.." line
19
My mother was scammed out of much her savings by "charities" - most of them considered legitimate. She sent checks to every one. I couldn't stop her, because I had to get power of attorney (her lawyer never told me I had it all along).
She would get 30 pieces of junk mail a day, most of them aimed at getting her money, and plenty of phone calls too (thank goodness she had no access to a computer). The Daily Show even visited our home when they did their expose on the post office. The USPS was our worst enemy.
There is a whole culture of elder abuse in this country, but we focus on family members rather than scammers. Much of the scamming is done legally, and the elderly - many of whom are suffering from dementia - are not considered victims, because they are considered to have a choice. These people are non compos mentis. In the end, the family has to find some way to deal with it, but don't expect the US gov't to be your ally in stopping it. New Yorker even did an expose on people who kidnap the elderly and steal all their belongings. This is legal, too. It's called "guardianship:" https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/09/how-the-elderly-lose-their...
58
It's sad to see the top "Reader Picks" so eager to accuse an old, lonely man, the victim of numerous crimes.
It's still "blame the victim", regardless of age or gender.
22
@J Jencks I think a lot of people are unfairly judging precisely because of his age and gender.
8
This almost happened to my father, a man who refused to give up his medical practice, even as he reached age 82 and was injecting himself with insulin daily. My elder brother was living with him in his upper east side apartment but because of his drinking problem(picked up in the Navy), and my brothers insistence that he-too-wanted to get married. he refussed to discuss his problems.
Families make few plans for end of life-few lawyers see profit in telling them how simple it is. Had my brother wanted-he might have had the witch arrested as a hustler-and kept away from my father. His own greed prevented him from being honest with me and my mother-my father's legal first wife-and , upon my father's death-he immediately began a process,(absent legal basis) to rob his own mother of money legally, morally and ethically belonging to her under state & city laws, as well.
The future will see more disasters like this as desperately lonely people invent their own worlds-romance and families included.Internet and cell phones make it far easier to rob the elederly.
It is up to the middle aged to make wills and other documents to show their wishes,(wills CAN be changed!). Better to give money away to charity, than allow a thief to steal it-and millions more-Madoff like-from a dozen others lonely old men who may, in fact, have needy families they have simply forgotten about or wished away out of anger.
11
My grandma was 7 years younger than my grandfather, and they were married 60 years.
When Grandma was 82, after hearing about Anna Nicole Smith’s multimillion dollar divorce settlement to an 80 year oil executive., she quipped ”that young girl earned every penny, by being with that difficult OLD MAN every day!.”
40
Mr. Needleman, for heaven's sake, at least get rid of the disgusting furniture she brought into your home. And the chandelier, too.
60
Interesting tale. Well written. The story of an elderly, vulnerable man becomes that of an elderly, gullible, self-destructive man. Her taste in furniture should have set off alarm bells....
35
It's hard to believe how someone like Mr. Needleman who can become so wealthy can be so naive. It's also hard to believe that the fear of dying alone could cloud his judgment as much as it did. On the bright side, at least he wasn't physically harmed. I wish him luck the next time around.
26
It's sad to see the top "Reader Picks" comments are all blaming the victim.
A lonely old man thought he could help someone who seemed to really need it.
I would not wish his loneliness on any of the commenters when they reach his age.
This article is in the news because of the outcome. But in fact so many of the elderly who find themselves alone make connections with someone younger. But most often those relationships are successful and therefore not newsworthy. Both partners express kindness and caring for each other and the lives of both are improved.
Switch the genders and my view would be exactly the same.
11
Before my father’s death at age 89, I saw him nearly fall victim time and time again through phone scams. He had apparently landed on contact lists after inquiring about assisted living residences.
Multiple times, as his cognition faded, he’d call my sister and I excitedly telling us how he was going to receive hundreds of thousands of dollars (or more!) if he could only get our assistance in transferring his bank account info to someone he’d never met. It was deeply disturbing and made real how vulnerable some seniors can be, even if they’re smart. Age and loneliness can work against you when you have no one watching out for you.
82
This story is complicated . I feel bad for these elders because not only scammers. But even your own children can be scammers and just want you for your money. poor Guy If someone going to help you at least appreciate it . He was more then generous to give her that kind of money. at least cook clean. To make that person happy . I wish I had someone to help me like that . Your suppose to be by that persons side . Not Just use him for his money ..I have no heart to do that to anyone take advantage of people , This is sad really .The poor man went through a lot . that is ok she will have to answer to God for that She just used him.
8
I feel sorry for the poor guy but what I don't get is why he agreed to publicize it?
11
Wow. I literally couldn't stop reading that. My advice for Mr. Needleman - write a TV series and call it "The Gypsy". You'll get back your 1.8 million in no time and share your story in the process. Best drama of the century!
48
I’m not sure what Mr. Needleman has to be upset about - it seems he got exactly the relationship he paid for. Really feel for Mr. Chouak, though.
You can’t buy love, people, unless you’re writing a check at the Humane Society.
29
Loneliness day in and day out, over a period of years can fog the mind and lead to desperate choices.A person's intelligence and rational thinking can be easily compromised , and as one ages ,without some daily human companionship, it's not hard to envision someone out of the goodness of his or her heart making choices that could lead to the unfortunate situation Mr. Needleman found himself in. The war between heart and mind can lead to sobering disappointment and reality ; we've all been there. Some weather it better than others. Mr. Needleman , a man of considerable financial resources, had his heart in the right place ;added to that he yearned for friendship, which led to something more serious and ultimately found it difficult to extricate himself from an overwhelming situation. I wish him peace and some happiness at this point in his life. He's been through a lot.
21
The old boy was taken by a heartless con artist, just like the deplorables.
41
If you're an older guy with money, and some younger chick takes a shine to you, I think you should know the deal. It's pay to play with a fling on the side. This was a surprise for him?
34
Unfortunately, grifters are drawn to the disabled and elderly like flies to honey. My best buddy was on disability, living with a guy I totally disliked and didn't trust one bit, but my friend depended on this guy, so I had to hold my nose whenever I visited their depressing apartment in Stockton, California. The guy had arranged for a home helper aide to come in a couple times a week. I was in the apartment one day, visiting, when this home helper lady arrived, dressed to the nines. She emptied one trash can and chit chatted and left. She was under contract to be there for two hours. Back home, I tried to call my buddy and the guy told me that he wouldn't wake up. I immediately hung up the phone and dialed 911 in Stockton. I jumped in my car and drove 300 miles to San Joaquin County General Hospital, where my friend was recovering from being drugged by this guy. I was convinced that a scheme was in the works to kill my buddy for his monthly social security check. When he was discharged from the Hospital, we left Stockton, he only had his wallet on him...I rescued him from certain death. All of this is totally true.
58
A fool and his money are soon parted.
25
What an overall bummer. Feeling alone is hard and powerfully scary... and there are too many people ready to take advantage of that. I’d encourage less judgement in this case and more empathy toward those who were hurt both physically and spiritually. Mr. Needleman is 90 without a family to support him as he grows older - don’t judge or call names until walking in the same shoes. This story inspires me to reach out to those in my community who could use support. My little family has enough cheerfulness to spare and share, which I feel so lucky for every day.
59
our fears and insecurities make fools of us all.
16
A sad but all too common story of a well to do elder person being exploited. Instead of the robocall seeking money from gullible elders, there was the alleged grifter in person. If there is a silver lining it is that it involved money and not physical abuse.
I'd be remiss if I didn't say I was pleasantly surprised by the writing, the frankness and the lack of overprotective P.C. editing on this piece. The alleged grifter is described as a Roma, and given her spiel to the alleged victim about dowries, those cultural factors are relevant to the tale.
A woman is the alleged exploiter of a naive gentleman, and given his age perhaps not entirely clear-minded male. So, women are not always the victims in interpersonal relationships it seems. Sometimes they are the alleged exploiters and not the victim. In certain academic and political quarters one simply cannot say that or hold such views. Kudos to the NYT for showing us (as we already knew) that the world doesn't conform to seminar room political polemics.
26
Being an aging widower, I can be just as weird as I want. I know what's best for me.
Bereft after the death of my wife of 50 years, a few days later I awoke very angry at God for taking her from me and at her for leaving me. Suddenly I sensed a presence in the room and realized it was Susan. She said, "Sweetheart, I haven't left you - I'm just a little bit ahead of you... as usual."
I burst into laughter and soon returned to peaceful sleep. She continues to stay in touch.
When a friend offered to arrange some dating opportunities, I thanked him but told him that wouldn't work because I'm still married and always will be. (I've never removed my wedding band.)
It may seem a little spooky, but the fact is, Susan remains my wonderful wife, my closest companion, and now, a really fun ghost! Though friends can't see her, they accept the fact that I can and say it fits with my long list of other oddities. I'm either the weirdest person they know... or the luckiest.
127
A 19yo with a need for a 60K dowry. Now there's something new. I guess his mom didnt tell him working for it might be a possibility.
28
It is age, naïveté or both that leads to this type of relationship? I do not think it is just loneliness that drives these elderly men (and sometimes women) enter into destructive relationships with grifters. Perhaps it is more an ego stroke that they are needed and powerful as the provider. Three engagement payments of $60,000 and you are not questioning your involvement? Uptake from his experience: if you are willful and dismiss the warnings of friends, and general common sense you have used your entire life, then all you will hear when you tell your tale of woe is: "We told you so!".
141
You might think that Mr. Needleman was incredibly naive but we all have our weak spots. Vulnerability is not an unalloyed defect of character. It's an openness that others can learn to exploit. But it can also be an openness that leads in quite positive directions. A good life is marked by more of the later than the former. Even the good fortune of having been exposed to influences that can gift you with sober judgement can be the product of luck. Individual tragedy is always the expression of more than individual limitations. In reality it is driven most assuredly by the type of society we are born into. In a society where the production and exchange of commodities dominates people become objects and objects acquire a transformed, social status superior to people. That's a phenomenon known as commodity fetishism.
4
Both our conned older gentlemen in this article prove once and for all that age does not guarantee a lick of wisdom.
11
A few years ago, the ID channel broadcast a program on the Tene Bimbo Roma family and a woman who went by the name of Sylvia Mitchell who ran the same marriage scam. The cops know about the Tene Bimbos, who are like any other crime famil, and Mr. Needleman was warned by the cops. He didn't listen. He had friends, but they were no help. They should have done some checking, maybe even got the cops to come by again. I feel for Mr. Needleman, who may have a slight form of dementia,but the real victim in all this is Charbel Chaoul, a young man who wanted to be a doctor, who was assaulted and had his life totally turned upside down by some Roma in a fit of pique. If Mr. Needleman wants to do good with his money, he should do something for Mr. Chaoul, who truly needs help and mercy.
88
The general consensus of the comments is the man was stupid and deserved to be treated robbed. It is sad that commenters enjoy an old man's mistake.
14
He needed someone to take care of, or oversee, his financial affairs before he ever met Ms. Anderson. I just can't see a younger person getting taken the way Mr. Needlemen, as a octogenarian did. Whether it was legal or not, Mr. Needleman was a vulnerable mentally challenged senior citizen and he got taken by a skilled experienced practitioner of the art of deception.
9
While loneliness may be a strong reason to ignore the obvious and massive signs of being scammed out of substantial amounts of money another more heartbreaking and likely more prevalent driving force is the onset of dementia.
There are too many stories of people with various forms of dementia typically in the early stages getting duped into parting with their entire life savings. The repercussions are disastrous and irreversible.
Note: Alzconnected.org is an online support group for caregivers, spouses, family members, friends of people diagnosed with any type of dementia as well as the person with dementia to share, vent, learn, teach, etc.
9
Oh, I don't know. There are plenty of young fools around, too.
16
An interesting set of replies, especially the most popular ones. I have to wonder how many of these judgmental people would stumble themselves when considering an admittedly unlikely, but nevertheless possible, amelioration of their loneliness?
8
It occurs to me that the choices Mr.Needleman made were based on male privilege. He was a widower who did not want to go to a nursing home. Why? Because he was used to being taken care of, pampered, by one devoted woman in exchange for bringing home the bacon. He knew no other comfortable way to live. If he had been raised to take care of himself and approach marriage as an egalitarian enterprise, he wouldn’t have fallen for a con woman who’s specialty is to work such men. It takes the Roma to see where the weakness in mainstream society is.
36
@joymars Yeah, and she assured him she would "jump in the box with him" when he died? Come on...he was duped, and took an active role in the duping.
4
Yeah because women love to go to nursing homes, are never lonely, and for sure are never taken in by con artists
14
It seems as if he was well off enough to move into an assisted living place where he would have found care and companionship. My siblings and I found a great one for my mom where she was well cared for and had friends. We visited often. Wish he had thought of this option.
18
Hummm. very interesting comments here.
Until I met my wife at the age of 65, I had happily spent most of my adult years in a series of relationships that did not result in marriage or children. I wasn't looking for a mate. Fear of dying alone is not an issue. At least half the population does it.
As of now I'm 81 and have been happily married for 14 years. Although we are from different cultures, my wife and I found a bond based in part on similar life experiences. We were both raised in dysfunctional families. We didn't follow our peers by going to work right out of high school. We worked our way through college and became professionals. We chose not to have children. We cared for our mothers in their old age and cover our less fortunate sibling's backs. We are suckers for hungry street kids and stray dogs. In spite of our comfortable circumstances, we live humbly. Our many friends on both sides of the border say we are a great couple. We are lovers and best friends.
The difference in our ages is 40 years.
38
@Larry - Bravo! I enjoyed what you wrote. It sounds like you found a woman with whom you share many interests and values. Your clear-headedness, and hers, no doubt explains some part of your marital success.
Mr. Needleman, sadly, gave in to an all too common impulse, to be the White Knight who saves the princess from the dragon. That scenario almost always leads to a disastrous outcome.
10
Anyone who thinks they can't be easily conned should just look and see who our President is.
58
Men who fall for younger women deserve what they get! USUALLY BAD!!
10
I'd like to feel sorry for him but my goodness, how many wake up calls does one person need before they catch on.
31
@mony
There weren't red flags; there were neon orange flags any person, especially someone who was obviously a successful businessman, should have seen. Hobbies are good when you have too much time on your hands or when you're lonely. It is never too late to learn something new.
14
There is no greater fool than an old rich fool.
14
Gypsies are notorious for their grifting. I’m surprised even at 84 he wouldn’t have fled when she said she was Roma.
40
Right?
8
As the saying goes; There's no fool like an old fool. This story has been told so many times, I can't count them all. Older men beware. Most always, it doesn't turn out like your fantasies suggested.
9
Well, as my grandma used to say:"There's no fool like an old fool."
For the life of me, I don't see why anyone has sympathy for Needleman. Sixty thousand dollars for three dowries! Come on.
25
scintillating...... but what do i care about these people? jimmy breslin could not make me care more..... or any less.....
Mr. Needleman seems like a decent, lonely man. Sorry this had to happen to a fellow of his age who still believed in love and got taken to the cleaners by a conniving con-woman.
14
how about some sympathy for Chaoul, there are plenty of stories of people acting strangely after traumatic brain injuries. This guy was going to be a doctor and was minding his own business when his life intersected that of these corrupt thieves and their friends.
58
There is no worse fool than an old fool.
6
I am so sad to see how people judge Mr. Needleman. It looks to me that money meant less to him than to many of these commenters. When people are in love - no matter what age - they are more prone to believe what they want to believe, rather than looking at the cold, hard facts. Does that mean that being in love is a terrible thing?
11
He's 84, probably lonely because he was widowed, and he got a chance to play hero to a younger damsel in distress. It actually sounds as though he was very kind to her.
He was naive but that's not a crime. Elderly people are very neglected in our society.
29
For a wonderful, affectionate visit to Roma life I recommend Robert Duvall's 1983 film "Angelo, My Love"
6
This story illustrates the degree people will go to delude themselves when they are stressed or lonely or feel like they have no hope and someone who is slick comes along and offers some sort of saving message. Con men have known this since the dawn of time and this is why they can be so effective in bilking people. In some ways one can draw an analogy to the current political environment and why a certain person could become so popular with a segment of our population which was searching for something
21
Where is Dr. Phil when you need him?
7
Check out "IMPOSTERS" starring Israeli actress Inbar Lavi, the series that ran on Bravo for two seasons ending this June but still available to stream for a very modest fee. The theme is very familiar !
4
At 72 I love all the comments feeling sorry for this guy. He was a fool big time not once, but twice. The court was right in throwing out his lawsuit lets see he marries her once the cop comes and tells him who she is and then he divorces her and then remarries her. No pity here! I do feel sorry for the young guy who was to become a doctor and threw a mistake gets his head caved in and now faces charges and will never lets be honest be a doctor nor probably anything else. Stopping making excuses for people who are jerks if he wanted to throw his money which he knew he was doing he could have given it to a charity. Boo-Hoo. Jim Trautman
29
If anyone's read Joseph Mitchell's reporting on the New York City gypsies in the 1940s and 1950s, you'll recognize this ploy.
20
A sad story. Just goes to show what happens when you trust someone completely in a totally oblivious manner.
2
He says that she understood nothing of the world, methinks it was the other way around. What a shame, he seems to be someone who really deserved much better luck.
209
A man with those resources could have found a very very nice indeed retirement community incorporating supportive care when needed. He did not need to be lonely.
I suspect there's a lot more to this story. Why exactly is he keeping her hideous furniture in his living room? Why did someone who appears still in control of his faculties marry her twice yes twice?
33
The deal breaker should have been the elaborate chandelier that wasn’t wired. Right there,he should should have put her stuff on the curb.
10
It bemuses me quite a bit to read all the recommendations that this gentleman, over the age of 80, could find multitudes of 65 year old women who are longing for his companionship. No, we are not. For one reason he has lost his senses and has given away more than a million dollars to a family of generational con artists. She had very tacky taste-white satin sofas and Cadillac Escalades-pretty low rent- but it was OK with him just for the prospect of a sexual encounter or two which she henceforth managed to avoid like the plague. ( whilst she carried on with some very rough trade by preference )
Why would any solvent, still healthy, and, believe it or not , possibly still attractive and still sexually capable , intelligent, responsible woman want to take on the various liabilities of a man too old to have good judgment ? I do feel sorry for him and for his heirs. But I don't know too many women my age for whom he would hold much authentic appeal. But then there are 65 year old god diggers as well. What a world!
46
@Consuelo - I'm just curious. Hope you don't mind my asking. But among your circle of older women, might you all find yourselves more interested in a younger man?
2
I had a chance to help someone a while back ... due to (true) stories like this I was too cynical to trust them and I'm left wondering if I missed the opportunity to be the angel that person needed at the time. It's not a good feeling.
9
@Meg - that situation crossed my mind as I read this. What if it were me?
I came to the conclusion the solution might be to try to help people in a more structured, impersonal way, by introducing them to organizations that can help them, housing assistance, etc.
In short, direct them to the experts and leave the experts to do what they do best.
3
this is Elder Abuse! When I lived in NYC and met a gypsy family (yes) - at the Drug Store- spoke to a little kid who was neglected - I was accosted by the medium in the family... I am an educated woman - but I was taken in - only not robbed because I was cautious - it exists... This person was hoodwinkinked because he was lonely (I had just moved to Manhattan) and older...
11
Severe case of check appeal.
6
Sad , older men and women get victimized daily by scammers , whether romantically or by defrauding them by the promise of investment gain . Lonely and losing the ability to either get around or forgetful , they become an easy mark for women like Sylvia, caretakers , or telephone scammers. This is known as elder abuse , Mr. Needham is lucky he wasn't killed , too bad he wouldn't listen to his friend . Sometimes it's hard to convince people they are being victimized by a predator .
18
Dowry is what the prospective bride's family pays to the groom or his family, not the other way around as this article has it with respect to the Needleman payments to Sylvia so her son Geno could get married. A scam pulled three times on poor Needleman.
Dowry, the payment by the prospective wife's family to the husband-to-be, still exists in many cultures, including my own Middle Eastern. Although it goes back over 50 years I still recall vividly my father-in-law, right after my marriage to his daughter, telling me how much he respected me because I didn't ask for a dowry. What did I know about dowries. I was born and raised in this country. Later, after we divorced, I kicked myself. I could have had some sheep, some goats, maybe even a camel.
Then there was the instance in which a couple we knew was engaged. The two fathers then got together about the dowry, and the prospective groom's father gave the figure the groom's family wanted. The bride-to-be's father said, "Who do you think I am, Rockefeller?" and walked out. End of engagement.
9
The article should have used the accurate term bride price or bride service, instead of dowry. There are cultures that prize matrilineal legitimacy (ex. certain indigenous Amazon tribes, possibly some Roma tribes, and even ancient Hebrews) wherein the groom's family is expected to pay a bride price or bride service fee - presumably to prove to the bride's family that the groom has both the means & the will to reimburse/reward/compensate the bride's family for the sunk costs of raising her and the lost future income/savings the bride's family could have gotten if the daughter remains the parents' spinster caregiver/cook/etc.
For instance, Jacob paid his bride price through 14 years of labor to Laban, the father of his bride Rachel.
That being said, let's not be surprised that nowadays in the USA, most people cannot tell the difference between dowries (bride's family pays groom's family w/ assets that can be held in trust under the bride's name, such as what happens in Hindu or Muslim cultures, as you factually mentioned) and bride price/service (what Sylvia's family claims is worth $60K owed to the bride's folks every time her son Geno allegedly gets "engaged").
Here, w/ divorce rates raising, couples w/ assets go for pre-nups or trusts thay should ideally protect both parties & any offspring, not just be a one-sided rip-off.
Oh well, getting married at any age involves tangible & intangible assets & liabilities that can hurt or help . . .
12
It is really sad how people do anything for money these days. That was not right of that women to use men for money. Thats what jobs are for, its for making money, jobs can be hard but thats how you live life. This women almost caused someone to die and thats not okay. She needs to understand that she can't live life trying to steal people's money. I wonder what goes through her head because if you got caught once why would you try to steal another person's money again.
4
Unfortunately, people fall for grifters all the time. After all, there are a family of grifters currently occupying the White House.
46
As the family before them, and the family before them . . .
3
This a compelling story that speaks to me; I am a 59 year old, but very much like Mr. Needleman a decent looking, single, divorced, and highly educated guy that is retired and lonely. It is difficult for me to form the type of emotionally close friends and community that many women I know have. Without a close emotional connection with a woman my age, it has been difficult to feel a physical and romantic attraction. I understand that women a decade younger usually would require what feels as some sort of payment, but I, like Mr. Needleman have hope that we can feel in love again. Sadly, I can easily imagine falling for a very attractive woman that needs financial help. The assets I have provide safety, but do not fill emotional needs, and I might use them to make me more desirable to a woman that I met, and which is highly unusual, liked.
102
@Michael A robust schedule of volunteering would be a good plan. Building emotional connection to the world, and, who knows, maybe meeting someone?
9
@Michael. are you serious? all my women friends of the same age say it's impossible to find someone - I don't believe this post!
2
@Michael
Hello Michael,
You are like a few men I know... I really wish you would be kind to yourself; realize your worth. I've known several women sadly, like this. I am quite the opposite (like you) and have learned through my relationships. My suggestion would be to go with your gut the first time! Do not ignore those red flags (questioning the validity of their story) by giving them justifications, just don't! Walk away! These people have mastered the art of manipulation, honestly! I have been in your place all my life and finally now after therapy (and abuse) I believe they put themselves in that situation for a reason. Move on and yes, you can find a nice woman if you believe in yourself and it shows but Absolutely no arrogance, be humble. Do not mention a word of self-worth, that should be a bonus for a very nice person. Good Luck! Sue
Everyone with elderly parents who are widowed or divorced lives in fear of something like this happening. Even if Mr. Needleman had a son or daughter with durable power of attorney, despite his breathtakingly bad judgment to marry, divorce and re-marry a con artist who was fleecing him, a judge would rule him competent to manage his own affairs based on him knowing his own name and that he was sitting in a courtroom in 2018. The bar of competence is that low. An adult child has virtually no recourse to protect their parent whose judgment is at the level of a four year old.
The only recourse adult children have is the leverage of threatening to cut the parent out of their life and their grandchildren's lives to try to stop the bloodletting of merciless con-artists. Mr. Needleman is fortunate that given the size of his fortune, he still has a roof over his head and the means to meet his needs. Countless other elderly people are not so lucky. It's absurd to expect or lecture that anyone's whose judgment is so lacking that they would remarry someone who has already betrayed and fleeced them is remotely capable of being rational enough to figure out that a thirty-something woman seeking a relationship with an octogenarian or older is motivated by something other than love and affection. Some legal remedy needs to be put in place to protect people who still know who they are but are credulous as pre-schoolers for their affairs to be managed by someone with their best interest.
218
@Liz
"... The only recourse adult children have is the leverage of threatening to cut the parent out of their life and their grandchildren's lives to try to stop the bloodletting of merciless con-artists. ...]
My ex-wife and I were fraught with the same peril when her mother was targeted by a fake "aide" during one of her post hospital rehabs in a care facility as her capacity was clearly diminishing
All of our protests and similar threats to cut her off from us, even filing with Probate who found her competent, only steeped her resolve against us, with her even more determined to spend her money as she wished, which was 1.5 million included half equity in her house, none of which she put in trust out of fear of going on state care in the end
Soon she was committed full time to a care facility which is when we stepped out though the aide, her husband, and sister where her chosen go-fers
On private pay she was treated like royalty, now including over-solicitous staff, and plowed through her money in 2 years time, including an ill-advised knee replacement for a 78 year old woman who hadn't walked without assistance for a decade
Being 10 years her caretakers took its toll. We divorced as we lost the house having no longer the ability left to care for another. Shortly soon I became homeless and 2 years I heard so had she in a city 20 miles away
The aide was Portuguese slaughtering rabbits and chickens in her suburban backyard and often bragged of being born from Roma blood
11
@Liz You are exactly right. Something similar happened with my Mom and a young man who took a fancy to him. She lied and downplayed all that was going on. We could understand being duped but she actively lied to us. If we had behaved like this, she would have thrown us out. She ended up destitute and in a convalescent home after losing the inheritance her dead 2nd husband left her. There will be very few tears among her children, including me, when she is gone.
Later, she allowed herself to be duped by reverse mortgage realtor. That was the last straw. It also was this crook's last transaction.
2
I'm confused by this article's portrayal of Mr. Needleman as some sort of victim. Her treatment of him was wrong but the reverse is also true - I can't imagine he would have offered up anywhere near that level of generosity to a woman was near his age and not "woefully naive".
134
@Lucy Are you really implying that his endowing her with over a million dollars at her own request was somehow his treating her wrongly? What, precisely, is he supposed to have done "to" her that you consider egregious enough to make her somehow an equal "victim"?
4
@Lucy He absolutely was a victim. His loneliness, his age and his need for love left him vulnerable to this disgraceful scammer. Are you suggesting there is some sort of feminist message for us here?
3
@LucyPerhaps you lack imagination. And you have no right to speculate on what might or might not have happened to a kindly old man. We know what happened from the article. Your supposition is simply meanness.
5
Everybody who is commenting that it was his own fault for not looking for someone closer to his own age seem to be neglecting to acknowledge that he didn't set out looking for anybody; he was quietly minding his own business in his neighborhood when he was actively targeted by a scammer who immediately began manipulating him.
333
@Anthony Flack
No different than a predatory older man preying on a vulnerable younger woman.
If not Mr. Needleman then there was another... as later there was
7
@Anthony Flack
it ought to be shown that this is a "property" crime and a crime in whcih the lines between people are blurry. Unless police can find actual and definitive connections to similar activities, by such people or groups, there is little to be done and, as with Mr N, a reluctance of older adults who grew up in societies where such lies were never told and the humiliation of being caught lying was enough to prevent it.
As a result, often the damage is done before there are any steps that can be taken. Of course-who wants to live as though every new acquaintance might be a black widow?
Yet, with increasing numbers of well off eging adults, this will be a serious, difficult to police sort of crime.
@Anthony Flack: And she succeeded beyond her wildest dreams, b/c HE didn't stop to put two and two together.
If he'd said he was living just on social security, she'd have made a beeline for someone else so fast his head would have been spinning.
4
I am amazed at how many judgmental comments about Mr Needleman have been written. Many seem angrier at him than at his victimizer.
His wife had already been dead for 5 years and there was no mention of him dating or having a preference for young women, so perhaps this was not about his refusal to date an older person. Emotion clouds judgment even when we are young. At 84, alone and in the final years of life, clear headed thinking may be in short supply. He paid for his mistake.
243
@Diane B, I do not agree with the common judgement, that is somehow wrong to prefer to date someone younger.
2
@Diane B Read Liz's very thoughtful comment below. Impatience with poor Mr. Needleman is understandable.
1
@Diane B-Perhaps the raised eyebrows are due to the almost 50 years age difference.
3
New York City needs legislation that is like the laws governing domestic violence or child abuse in some states. That is, even if the victim won't testify, or in this case, has married the perpetrator twice, the police would be able prosecute without the victim's cooperation.
These fraud schemes harvest the ever-growing crop of naive and befuddled senior citizens. In the case of the gypsies, as my anthropology professor taught me, it is a matter of pride to fool the gajoe--the outsider--but there are plenty of other people for whom defrauding the elderly and living off them is a career.
An eighty-year-old friend of mine, a widow who lives alone, was captured by a woman she met in a coffee shop. She soon gave her her Ipad and the complete control of her financial affairs. By now this woman has moved into my friend's apartment and is spending $100,000 a year, almost to bankrupting her.She controls access to the computer, the telephone and the door to the apartment.My friend will soon be out on the street.However no one can persuade her to tell this woman to get out of her apartment--that is all it would take to get rid of her--not even the psychiatrists she saw when hospitalized for depression.She is afraid of her and afraid of being alone.
12
@bobi You can contact New York’s Adult Protective Services at 1-844-697-3505. They will contact your friend and determine if she is the victim of elder abuse. Elder abuse can be financial abuse as well as physical and psychological abuse.
15
Fools and their money.
Makes you wonder how they ever managed to amass it in the first place.
9
It's possible that Mr. Needleman's wealth from his hard work was built & preserved w/ proper guidance from his beloved late wife (who may have worked too and left whatever she accumulated to him).
They having no natural nor adopted kids to raise/support, plus likely always having a low-key lifestyle, and being old enough to avail of pensions (and other stuff today's workers do not have) also must have fattened his old age wallet too.
He sounds like one of those timid guys who may have gotten so used to a decent, non-gold digging wife for decades before her passing, that he ended up having neither the experience nor the willingness to listen to people who know objectively better (i.e. the warning cops & friends) to get out of his emotional codependence on this Sylvia woman.
Just because a gentleman knows how to make & save money does not automatically mean he's emotionally intelligent enough to know when he's being fleeced by an unscrupulous romantic partner or spouse.
Mr. Needleman was lucky to have had the level-headed 1st Mrs. Needleman throughout most his adult life.
Too bad that he let the 2nd & 3rd Mrs. Needleman make a cruelly mocking, long con job of marriage and his twilight years!
8
My father, now deceased, was at age 77 both lonely and disoriented by early stages of Alzheimers's after my mother died. He fell for, not a younger woman, but a family he vaguely knew. At first the man was helpful as a handyman, and his wife did wife-y things liking sewing on a loose button. Both sat with him for hours and listened to his old stories. Then household items started going missing, and the laundry pick up started to cost $150 instead of the usual $50, etc. Before too much could be fleeced, my brother and I found out about it and paid the family a polite visit. They stopped "visiting and helping." Fleecing can happen to any older family member who is alone. Be vigilant. Visit; call often; sk the neighbors. And when you do, ask pointed questions. Sure, you might hurt your parent's feelings or infringe upon his privacy and independence. Just do it.
55
@NPadgett this is the second story I've heard like this recently. I don't know what makes someone take advantage of another, and I'm sure there's a sad reason behind their actions, but all in all, some people are just so cruel.
9
@NPadgett yes - this is rampant and in the news all the time. But the Gypsy problem in NYC is real and should be dealt with...
12
“Buyin’ a Book” by Joe Tex:
I saw this old man with this young girl the other night
I walked over to him and pulled him off on the side
And I said, pops, what are you trying to prove?
I said, I've seen you out here every night this week
With a different young girl wrapped around your arm
I said, you can't keep this pace up, uh
Because these young girls
Huh, oh
They'll certainly get you down
He said, son, sit down here
Lemme tell ya something
He said, all my life I've worked hard, huh
And I've saved up me a little money
He said, but just about the time I got me a nest egg saved
I became a widow man
He says, and I'm 72 going on 73 years old
And don't have too many more years to live
Hah, he said, I know that I should be ashamed of myself
Ha, but he said
Young girls is my weakness
Oh yes, they are, huh
He said, so would you please
Leave this old gray-haired man alone
Mind your business
Heh heh
Let me and this young girl
Have us a little bit of fun, huh
4
As they say, there's no fool like an old fool. The woman should be charged for elder abuse.
14
Hard to believe he was so naive as to fall prey to this swindler, and why hasn’t he gotten rid of that ugly furniture?
17
a tiny version of this story happened to my 85 year old dad in a florida parking lot. he was in his car and a cute young woman hopped into the passenger seat and started sweet talking him, and even touching him. Only when he returned home did he realize his wallet was gone. He had seen seen her jump into another car with a man her age and drive off. He felt so stupid afterwards.
25
Needleman-- like most men and many stubborn old people -- won't ask anyone for help or admit vulnerability. Prospective doctor blames his pornography on a condition, but we don't get the dates it was downloaded, hence how can I care about his injury? The lover, husband, son, and grifter lady take advantage of stupid people and win. They're the most interesting people in the story.
6
This is analogous to those stories about lonely women falling in love with cons in jail. It's their loneliness that makes them lose any common sense or skepticism. Very sad and disappointing, that so many people are this easily manipulated. Yuck!
10
Yes, Mr. Neeleman. I imagine her food tasted very very bad. Sounds to me that you got out of this one lucky.
15
Mr. Needleman is not alone.
Hey, look at all how millions and millions of Americans have been conned every day , year after year, by politicians who claim to act in their interests and by churches who take their money while promising eternal salvation.
The trouble with all these gullible voters is that, the rest of America have to live with the consequences.
16
Based on the comments, it's clear he could have gotten an older woman to treat him badly for much less money. I'd also imagine he could have not had sex with younger, more attractive women at a strip club for a fraction of the cost. Grant me the wisdom at 84 to know better, and the certainty that the Internet still works.
10
So why is it this easy for her to get away with this over and over? Is there no law that will prevent her from continuing to do this to others?
The legal system is wrong if it allows this kind of thing. The man is wrong, too, but at that age, I guess it is easy to understand being easily duped. He, the victim, is left with all kinds of loss and she, gleefully, skips away to get even more money.
The whole thing stinks.
9
It's telling that so many people here want to castigate this man for a fool, but ignore his own explanation for what happened.
To wit, he was terrified of being consigned, without help or advocacy, to a nursing home.
How many $60,000 dowry payments is protection from the for-profit "American health care system" worth to all the superior intellects here? Better hope you're never in the same position.
8
In the late 1990's I worked for a small senior citizen home helper agency in California. One of my responsibilities was to interview people who were applying for work as a home helper and to check their references. One day, a very well dressed lady came in and I processed her application and interviewed her. I didn't get a good feeling from her, it didn't all add up, and her references seemed staged. I told the owner of the agency that I didn't get a good feeling from this woman, but the owner was impressed by her spiffy appearance. She was hired.
On her first assignment, the client had some expensive jewelry go missing. I knew who did it. But the owner was still wowed by this grifter. I left the agency shortly after that because I couldn't work with that.
32
@Thomas
Are you sure the owner of the agency wasn't in on the action?
7
@dwalker Well, you're absolutely right, I can't be sure. Which was another reason I quit.
1
Unfortunately old men AND old women fall prey to the same vanities; that they can be attractive to someone 40 to 50 years younger than them.
Aging can deteriorate the mind, knocking off the edges of critical thought (without dementia). Personalities also change when they no longer trust in the judgement of old friends and relatives.
I think old women who dye their hair bright blond and men who dye their hair black (with their white neck hair creeping in) are pretty sad. To me it seems that they do not see any grace in aging and are still looking to the surface; theirs and others.
Perhaps this article will be helpful as a tool of self awareness; ie, I am not going to be that guy or gal someday... On the other hand perhaps an article or two about the lives of seniors who are aging gracefully, creatively and cheerfully would be helpful as well.
It is hard to pity this dude, though. Think of all the good he could have done with that dough...
16
Ther’s no fool like an old fool.
12
I'm so glad my 91 year old father lives with me. I'm glad I can protect him. This story made me sad mostly because this gentleman didn't have someone to be his advocate.
32
I'm sure he could have found a woman his own age or somewhat younger for companionship; there are many interesting and vital older woman who are also looking for love.
28
@Dee that is not what this is about - she's a masterful manipulator... you'd have to have experienced it to know... just be friendly to someone in a big city... you'll see..
4
This is a sad story for many reasons but there is one opportunity that should not be missed. Stereotypes about Roma people are not reflective of all Roma. In my work with Roma in E. Europe this past year, I have been impressed with their strong family and social ties, their hard work and their reliance in spite of 1,500 years of discrimination. It is long overdue to retire the G-word which is both historically inaccurate (Roma emmigrated out of India, not Egypt) and deeply offensive to Roma.
126
@Cal I was thinking the same thing...about the hurtful and inaccurate portrayal that at least some will take away from this unfortunate story, about the Romany.
1
@Cal
Thank you for your comment.
Now that Roma are horribly persecuted including murdered in many countries in Europe, your comment is much needed.
I believe the persecution of Romas was a precursor of the rise of the extreme right in Europe. In a way, the Roma are the canary in the mine.....
We should remember that Romas (aka Tziganes) were mass murdered too in Auschwitz and other murder camps. The tragedy is still there and remains a scar in society. Just look at how present day Fascists/Nazis in the Italian government want to take away Romas' Italian citizenship and register them like the Nazis did to Jews (just one great grandparent suspected of having been Jewish made you a Jew so that this "one drop rule", made it more efficient to murder not just Jews, but Romas, and any person of color, and Gays, and the mentally disabled. (anyone suspected of being a political opponent also met her/his death but they're not in the count of 11 millions murdered in those camps).
The difference this time is that Italian Romas are speaking up and organizing politically. I hope they succeed....
An anecdote: I had a good friend (RIP), a Hungarian Tzigane (played incredibly beautiful music) who told me that in Hungary, when the Holocaust came, Romas in the countryside were pitilessly haunted and deported . However, Tziganes in Budapest were spared so that Hungarian and then German Nazis could be entertained by their music in restaurants....
words fail.
2
@CalI have to strongly disagree w you. You speak about stereotypes about Roma. Well, I am an Eastern European and I can tell you that there is no smoke without a fire. They do indeed have strong family ties but their own family and (Roma) community is pretty much the only thing they care about. They are not integrated and don't want to integrate socially, make their living by pick pocketing, selling drugs, palm reading and running organized crime in Eastern and Western Europe. This article is a vivid example of what 95% of Roma do, that is earn their life by dishonest, illegal methods.
6
Oh please. If Mr. Needleman wants companionship, there are PLENTY of women his own age looking for the same. He just wanted a young hottie. No sympathy here.
85
@Willow
There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a hottie, at any age. You wouldn't be so dismissive if the genders were reversed.
5
@Wine Country Dude: Why do you think that you know the opinions of an anonymous person you've never met?
1
Jealous not to have the wherewithal to extract a million dollars from a man, with or without consent or abuse? Your remark hardly surprises me in a society that actively promotes the idea of women exclusively as victims and men as guilty by default, as confirmed by the 53 self pitying people in agreement here. Sexist hogwash.
I can't say I pity the old goat. He was gullible enough to believe her the first time, but totally stupid to fall for it again. As a senior citizen myself, I cannot imagine being dumb enough to fall the same dumb thing TWICE!
69
This was a fictional tabloid journalism piece, right? New stuff the Times is publishing to supplant that of another local newspaper, a "real" tabloid in fact, that is going broke . Right?
14
Relax.
5
Hey, elderly men, women 40 years your junior are not into you. Needleman's friends had more sense than he did. Stick to your own demographic group next time
76
At 89, recently widowed, my father went online and found a woman 30+ years his junior who has managed to get over $800,000 from him. He paid off her mortgage, paid to have her house remodeled, bought her a Mercedes, and gave her money for her adult children. She finally persuaded him to marry her in March. He has ignored his children and his friends. She has isolated him and one can only hope he dies before his money is all gone because she will certainly abandon him. He is foolish and she is evil.
114
@Kathleen Contact your local Adult Protective Services and file a report. It sounds like your father may be the victim of financial fraud, a category of adult abuse/neglect that is far too common specially with the elderly who become easy targets due to emotional needs, fear of being alone, or a lack of mental capacity. Good luck!
15
@Kathleen Get an attorney and get visitation rights without the wife being present. Florida is notorious for such scams. Any judge with your father's best interests will let you have that. That is the first step. Treat his wife with respect, but at least you are able to enter the house and keep an eye on things for him.
Once you are able to do that and be able to see him on a weekly basis. All you siblings should do the same see each goes on a different day to visit, even if it is for 30 minutes to begin with.
10
@Kathleen, another approach than those from the other responders: Consider letting your father spend his money as he wishes, spend his life and his time with whom he wishes. He is, after all, an adult. If he has let his relationship with you and his other family members and friends fall away, there's nothing to be done about that, right? People may do as they wish. When the money is all gone, you or your dad can make him/self a ward of the court and go into those programs/services. I feel your pain, I do, my parents did the same thing. Took a lot of therapy to get to the realization that people *do what they want to do, with the people they want to do this with.* If that is not us, all we can do is go forward with our own lives.
14
You want loving, devoted, loyal company? A dog would have served much better.
98
He found out she was cheating him every way till Sunday, and yet he married her again and seemed surprised by the outcome. Sorry, no sympathy here.
51
@MountainFamily absolutely. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.
14
My condolences to Mr. Needleman. The excellent reporting reminds me of Joseph Mitchell of the New Yorker, who wrote about the people he met in and around NY in the 1930s and 40s, including the Roma.
17
Friendship is a basic human need. You don't stop needing or wanting other people just because you're old.
8
@Jess True-- However, there are many older woman looking for love and friendship, as well, and he might have gone in that direction rather than choosing a young con woman.
17
@Jess
But he chose this way, and who are you to judge him? (BTW, the propensity to scam is not limited to younger women).
2
@Jess: Did you miss the part of the story that involved his existing friends?
3
There's no fool like an old fool. Especially when it comes to old men who somehow believe an attractive young woman, who could be his daughter or granddaughter, is in love with him. Pish posh. An old story, one that underscores the sexism and adolescent mentality of so many men.
68
@MaryEllen You completely blame the men but say nothing about the lying, predatory girls?? That's an example of why I don't much like feminists, and I'm female.
6
@me She uses the word "sexism" and you assume she is a feminist? And there are plenty of people writing on here who are focusing on the "lying, predatory girls". There is room for people to express an alternate view of the situation, and there are always two sides to every story. Furthermore, why are you generalizing about feminists? I wonder why you really "don't much like" the people (women AND men) who believe, quite simply, in equality between the sexes. It always mystifies me when I hear about a woman doesn't believe in that. But of course it's because you make broad assumptions & generalizations about feminism and subscribe to a cliched view of it. Why don't you do a little reading and find out what it's really all about? There are many different types of people who consider themselves to be feminists and you are being willfully ignorant by lumping them all together. I often think women who disparage feminism actually feel threatened by it, which is ridiculous.
2
You know there are quite a few examples of younger men swindling older women too. That being said, how could this guys old friends let him be so snookered? Anyone could see she was a scammer the first time she asked for 60,000 grand, let alone the second and third time. Run a back ground check for your old pal guys, I would have for a friend I know was being stolen from. Did Mr Needleman not have access to ANY other female companionship in a city like NY, NY? I bet he could have thrown 10 rocks and hit ten nice little old ladies who would not be crooks on one block alone. Now they may have been a little salty about the rock throwing but GEEZ...
37
This woman is not a good representation of the Romany and I hope people will realise as much (although, with the stereotypes of other groups that have long been floating around, I'm not holding out much hope). Ms. Anderson is despicable, regardless of her ethnic background.
Also, I really hope this woman is arrested and convicted for her crimes. She is a vicious gold-digger with ties to very dangerous people (who should be incarcerated as well). If she isn't caught, she will do this to many other people and at least one of those hapless, naive victims is bound to get killed.
26
Why do old people perpetually fall for this type of thing? This man seemed to be very educated and intelligent. Literally, never, ever is someone 50+ years your junior going to fall in romantic love with you. Never. Notice that this type of thing only happens to rich men (and sometimes, rich women, of course). It's one thing to want to help someone. It's another thing to deceive yourself in the process.
34
@atb Well, there are an awful lot of Filipinas in the US married to middle class or upper middle class American men decades older so I don't think it's limited to the very wealthy.
17
@me Those men are seeking submissive women. They go into it with their eyes wide open.
1
Sour graping much or out of spite to single them out? No worries, their spouses and partners are a lucky bunch. Pas no regrets..they are doted on and spoiled by these wives.
So much of our world is fake. It's pretending or lies. People often don't care what's real or not. This fellow was warned by the police, after all. Truth isn't truth.
12
I know of a similar situation that also went on despite warnings by friends. Man in his eighties, no wife or children, sitting on huge real estate and bank holdings. Friendly real estate agent befriended him and almost immediately began making herself the go-between so he could not speak to concerned friends or neighbors directly.
Over a million dollars later, she was arrested and some of the assets were recovered, but most were not.
I think one word explains it. Not loneliness. Pride.
Refusal to believe that they might be wrong in their assessment of the doting female; flattered by the performance of the con into believing someone has chosen them. The money itself gives them no pleasure, so in effect they are buying the pleasure they desire with the money and their pride blinds them to the possibility that they have made a bad bargain.
61
There are plenty of nice, honest people who could have been kind, attentive live in companions to Mr. Needleman for $100,000.00 a year. He was lured by the idea of romance, but he didn't get that anyway.
Too bad.
19
"Some days later, Mr. Needleman found her an apartment on East 95th Street... and signed as her guarantor. He also put up several months’ rent."
This, for a virtual stranger. Mr. Needleman was setting himself up like a bowling pin. I think most people, not even scam artists, but just regular people, receiving such enormous generosity from a total stranger immediately upon meeting them might think hey, there's more where that came from.
Mr. Needleman was wearing his desperation on his sleeve.
51
As soon as the other person asks for money, or something to be paid for, a BIG RED FLAG should be going up.
So s/he needs financial help? Help the person be assisted by a charity or government agency.
26
I had to re-read this article 2 more times and I still am confused. The author should have used fewer pronouns and repeated the person's given name during the explanations.
Sylvia Anderson, "Her name was Magill, and she called herself Lil. But everyone knew her as Nancy."*
My own head was spinning by the time I gave up on understanding who was who and what was what. I think I did understand the when was when though.
I think.
Guy Lawrence
Antioch, IL.
*The Beatles
19
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me". Despite warnings from police and friends, he married her twice. There's no suggestion that he's cognitively impaired. He was just a fool who fell for a con artist. Perhaps somewhat egotistical as well since he didn't question a 30-something woman pursuing an 87-year-old man. I'm actually surprised that he was willing to be interviewed and have his story be published. I don't think that he "gets it" yet - that it was his poor judgment. Most people don't fall for con artists. I am glad that he has enough money to live his days out in comfort and I wish him well - I suggest that he do some meaningful volunteer work and find a lady closer to his own age who will be a source of companionship, love, and sex.
32
He is the nonpareil lonely old man who is a schlemiel, and she is the classic female pro swindler. The sexes of those involved on both side could easily be reversed in another scenario of this sad type of story.
No sympathy for either - especially the fellow. His close friends told him the truth early on (and I'm sure repeatedly and at high decibel level). She
She, being a pro criminal, kept at it sensing that flensing him would work easily.
21
P.T. Barnum once said: "There's a sucker born every minute". Women like "Ms. Anderson" prey on the elderly who don't want to be alone. These are her "suckers". Eventually, she will be brought to justice because she just can't stop doing this.
10
While we're moaning over this fellow Needleman, spare some pity for the 150 young Tinder victims of a con artist trying to pull off a dating game stunt. That woman should be in jail, just as much as perpetrators of "swatting" and this Anderson character.
6
cannot someone put this horrible woman in jail now. clearly Needleman was losing his cognitive abilities. She scammed him. pretty obvious.
23
@honeybluestar Putting "...this horrible women in jail," is an expensive proposition. Mercifully, we taxpayers are not generally on the hook for people such as Ms. Anderson.
Age old scam, about as old as the oldest profession.
A fool and his money are easily parted, once again.
24
Little head talking for the big head.
Sad.
35
Frankly I don't understand why loneliness gets such a bad rap. I find there are way too many people everywhere, to the point I revile their very presence. It seems I am forever waiting in some form of line for others, often idiots far my inferior. My best time, my happiest and my best days, are alone. I really don't like most of you.
71
@Martin X
Ditto.
10
@Martin X
Agree. My own company is oftentimes best and extremely enjoyable.
7
I can't wait for the movie!!
4
Whatever happened to Sylvia Anderson? Article doesn't say...
9
@Anne: it sounds like she left the state. Since they were MARRIED -- the biggest, saddest mistake Mr. Needleman made -- she is not a stranger who ripped him off, but his WIFE. Any financial dispute is a dispute between a MARRIED COUPLE. She is fully entitled to half of his assets, as there is no mention of a pre-nup.
2
elder abuse is a most insidious crime. my own late father pulled this one on his mother. good riddance I say.. If he got caught, he'd be going to jail.
6
This story reads like a treatment to a Coen Brothers movie.
33
Note to old guys: Young women are only interested in your money, not you. There is the occasional exception, but it is probably not you.
62
@Jane No, there are no exceptions when the age difference is 30+ years. Just no.
21
@Jane
I do know of one sort of honorable exception. Older Filipino immigrant, living in the US, loses his non-Filipino wife to death. He travels back to the Philipines to visit family and meets a much younger woman. He returns to the US, announces to his sons that he will marry her and bring her to the US; they are horrified. She comes, works as a housekeeper (and gets promoted) at a fancy hotel. He and she sponsor her parents, who come and live with them. She takes good care of him and his brother until they both die, and the sons have a relationship with their father and his young wife. After his death, however, the wife and her family don’t interact with his sons and grandchildren. But, to her credit, she made the man happy, or at least, comfortable in his old age. Don’t know, but I am guessing she inherited the house in a very pricey western city.
5
@Jane Same for old women, and they get scammed at an even greater rate!
5
Love bites hard. And unfortunately there are those who will exploit that fact. Two blatant non-redeeming aspects of Ms. Anderson: her actions, and the fact that such actions continue to perpetuate the "Gypsy" cultural stereotype.
If this all weren't true, one would think the NY Times got hold of a soap opera script and published it. I guess the cautionary tale is to run a background check on anyone you start to get deeply involved with, while a modicum of logic and dispassionate interest are still available, before Cupid makes you blind. Mr. Needleman could have afforded it, and it might have saved him a small fortune in the process. All relationships should come with a big caveat emptor right up front.
7
@Patrick: yes, but do you seriously think a 90 year old man is computer literate? and knows how do a background search?
With his money, he would have been well-advised to hire a private detective to investigate this woman -- but he was besotted, in love.
When I met my second husband...we fell for each other very fast...grew up on different sides of town, and had no connections. He was a stranger to me, but I trusted him instinctively. I was (fortunately!) right -- but I had been tricked and duped by OTHER boyfriends. No idea why I trusted THIS ONE so much, but I did -- and that was 26 very happy years ago.
Most people you meet are NOT con artists....but most victims have no idea how to tell the difference! HINT: no decent woman would ever take rent money from a stranger, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars. She'd sleep on a friends couch or go to the homeless shelter first.
3
Women like her are out there waiting to take advantage of someone who is vulnerable. I witnessed it with my own father. Lying on his death bed his younger girlfriend asked him to sign blank checks. I walked in and heard this first hand. Little did she know my dad’s signature was any good, anymore. I told her so.
Her eyes were as big as balloons.
19
Reminds me of that guy a year or so ago who spent $750,000 on a grifter/spiritualist so he could talk to the dead love of his life. I forget the details. Anyway, I couldn’t get through this story. Too cringe-worthy. I had no idea there are so many patsies in the world.
16
I'm sorry if this seems insensitive but I think the appropriate term for Mr Needleman is "chump".
42
Its sad to see so many blaming the victim of a scam for being “an old fool”.
I’ve spent years reading relationship columns with all forms of desparate questions about “fixing the relationship” and hanging on to a lover who is clearly ambivalent about them. And these were 20, 30 and 40 year olds lying to themselves as opposed to being lied to by a well honed con-artist bent on creating the facade of a loving wife.
Didn’t he see the signs? Sure. Then she blew smoke in his face.
10
@Julie Sorry, but there is a difference between a couple that is age appropriate who fell out of love vs. a woman who is 30, 40, 50+ years younger than someone and using them for their money. My God, our own president has this happening now.
2
@atb - I wasnt refering to couples who fell out of love. I was thinking of thise who decided they were “in love” with someone who was clearly dating them casually and showed no interest in a commitment. Loneliness and desparation can play tricks on the mind.
An attractive young woman trading youth and beauty for the financial security of a much older man in an age old quid pro quo (ie Milania Trump) is quite different from a con artist retelling a script of false personal tragedy with the intention of ensnaring a victim and liberating him of $2 million.
I agree that the 40 year age gap should have been a clear sign something was off but punishing him for lack of self awareness and for wanting to date a young hottie clearly out of his league with the loss of his life savings is excessive.
@Julie
There is nothing "age inappropriate" about this relationship. Time to check your youth privilege at the door. These were consenting adults.
1
I am not sure I get the point of this story. Am I supposed to feel sorry for Mr. Needleman, who was fooled not just once, but twice? The red flags were flying all over this so-callled relationship. I don't think that his being "elderly" is an excuse for being "stupid." Neither is being "lonely" an excuse. Getting involved in your community is a time-honored way to help deal with loneliness. I do think Mr. Needleman certainly dishonored his first (and real) wife and their long-standing marriage. I bet Mr. Needleman would marry Sylvia Anderson a third time if she showed up again.
34
i share your point of view entirely. This gentman is a hopeless case.Sorry for him.
9
@Carol Wright
It is so easy to judge unless you are in the person's skin. If someone is stupid surely they are not doing it on purpose. A rather cold and academic appraisal of a living entity, with a myriad of psychological processes ongoing. Be kind, don't add to to the general cruelty that reigns.
3
@Carol Wright I think we're also supposed to walk away from this article hating and fearful of gypsies and of course younger women gold diggers....and the continuing view of old people as child-like and gullible......
4
The true victim in this is Mr. Chaoul because he was never involved in any of this treachery. Mr. Needleman should be helping him instead, if he still has money to spare. Mr. Needleman allowed himself to be conned multiple times, even when when KNEW it was against his better judgement. He got what he deserved.
25
@bluewest
Wow. Can you really say you got everything you deserved for all the nasty things you like everyone else, has done?
When my sad story is posted in the NYT then you can decide, until then my sympathies are still with Mr. Chaoul. Never said Mr. Needleman did anything nasty, he got what he paid for.
This story is a much more extreme version of what my Dad got involved with. After my parents divorced he gave several hundred thousand dollars to a woman, twenty five years younger, that he was "dating" for a couple years though, as he once complained to me, he had never even kissed her -- he just accepted her promises that eventually they would "be together". For family members it is just kind of shocking. You are witnessing an obvious scam and it's hard to imagine what your loved one is thinking.
31
As much as you might want to hate Ms. Anderson, I see no crime committed here, especially after Mr. Needleman went back for more. The good news is this type of swindle will soon be a thing of the past when AI advances to becoming a legitimate companion to the older community.
4
@Josue Azul: and no AI can ever be designed or manipulated to fool a frail, lonely 90 year old patient?
Look at how con artists took over telemarketing! the internet! Facebook! FAKE NEWS!
This is clearly and obviously a crime, and Ms. Anderson has been implicated in many cons.
Being afraid of death & dying is a lost cause. Embrace it. Think of it as a release from hot steamy weather or cranky relatives. Do not be so infatuated with your sense of self or worthiness or significance that you cling to this kind of false hope. You're going to die alone. Nursing home or not. Read the Magic Mountain. You'll adjust.
20
The Magic Mountain should be required reading for everyone. Wonderful book
4
@shef
That's easier to type than to do.
2
@shef Ironically, my mother worked for Thomas Mann for 15 years, and translated german into english, and it seems that me and my siblings lives have a similar trajectory. It is painful to think that if you have not found 'romantic love' by 60, there will be no more passion. How do older people like myself find physical attraction as our bodies age?
2
I once heard Dr. Phil tell a woman on his show, that people are only as powerful as you let them be. The woman was trying to convince Dr. Phil that her insensitive husband was a jerk, and continually took advantage of her kind heart. Dr. Phil interrupted her and said, " you taught him that he can do that, by the way you respond to his behavior". The woman was stunned. She never thought that she was complicit in any way, and quickly learned that by not either asserting herself, or leaving the marriage, she was on one level giving her husband " permission" to continue to treat her poorly. I wish this Mr. Needleman had seen the same Dr. Phil's show, shortly after he met this awful woman.
16
I have three friends who were bankrupted by women in comparable scams. These stories are an interesting contrast to other stories of men abusing women.
11
@Kevin There are also lots of men who fool elderly women with romance for their money.
2
Similar thing happened to my eighty year old widowed father. Sexy Filipina "girlfriend", many of their dates were to go buy her things. Bought her a diamond engagement and wedding ring set, she begged to have it before the wedding, then "lost" it and asked for another. Fortunately he did not buy her another ring and held off on marrying her, but went back to her several times. Even when he found things missing from his house! He spent and gave her much more money than he could afford, but, so difficult to be old, lonely and still want romance. So difficult and painful to believe these women are only out for the money, and difficult for children to help without looking greedy and possessive themselves.
56
Time and again men fall for this out of loneliness, and women too. And it always has a disastrous ending. This is the power of denial saddled with loneliness. It's more powerful than a narcotic.
8
@M.: "it's more powerful than a narcotic".
True words! Oxycontin has nothing on romantic love -- it makes people do crazy stuff, and has led to death in some cases.
1
I find it remarkable how many commenters on this sad story of elder abuse manage to hoist the anti-Trump flag.
He seems to be living inside their heads, rent-free.
I'm glad the police were alert enough to warn Needleman, that is impressive. I'm sorry he didn't pay attention to them.
12
@Edmund Dantes
The connection here is how we see a true con man and grifter skate right over a field of red flags, present before election right up till now. And the losses are not just a million and something.. they are huge, most important his truculent attitude to climate change and the dying of species, the total contempt for the dying world.
3
No pre-nup, no pre-anything? Sorry but refer to P.T. Barnum on this one.
8
I have more sympathy for Mr. Chaoul than for Mr. Lieberman ("But my money!") Would like a followup on his medical condition and legal case.
19
1. Love is blind.
2. Especially for men (I am male by the way). I especially detest old men who probably cheated everyone in their younger years who squander their wealth as a senior.
3. Best thing for everyone is to study this article, and get ripped off when you are in your 20's. Experience is a hard teacher but you learn.
23
Old people are easier to scam. I live in Florida. We have a land line. The calls come in almost daily. Mostly we hang up. When I'm bored I'll go along with the scam for awhile. The IRS is about to arrest me: My roof will be inspected for leaks for free: Microsoft has detected a virus. I have yet to hear a plea from my grandson lost without money somewhere. Most of the callers have Indian accents. I hope that the day won't come when I start to believe these scam bags.
49
@jeremyp I live in the Netherlands and I get the phone calls with the Indian accents as well! And usually a lot of background noise, as if they are in a large call centre. I once told one of them I felt sorry that they had to take a job scamming vulnerable people. She ung up on me, of course.
It's worth the cost to get caller ID. I never answer a number I don't recognize. If they leave any kind of message, I just delete it later...
5
Real victim in this case is Mr. Charbel Chaoul, 28. If ever the justice system recovers $1.8 million, I hope he gets most of it. His only mistake was to drive around his sister's parked car and veer into his neighbor's common driveway. The society potentially not only lost a future doctor, but also has to deal with a new brain trauma induced criminal.
34
@R Murty K: it was Mr. Needleman's $1.8 million -- not Chaouls -- Mr. Needleman is 90 and had literally nothing to do with Chaoul's attack.
The only connection is the WOMAN, Sylvia Anderson, who knew both men.
This sounds exactly like an I.B. Singer story.
5
I enjoyed reading this story and many of the comments. What I took away from this is that one should always be hard-nosed about money matters, even (or especially) in romantic relations. I especially thought one commenter’s advice on how to respond to someone seeking sympathy and aid to be useful and valuable: “I will help you, but I won’t give you any money.”
22
The elderly who have lost the companionship of their spouse are vulnerable. Even though who we all think the person is so smart that they would not have fallen for such a ploy.
Hopefully when it does, it is not with so much money that it affects the ability for the person to live out their days in dignity. Here's to hoping that karma will step in.
5
I wish he wasn’t older because it adds a variable to this that makes it complicated
But I will say this
Chivalry needs to die because some women take advantage of men financially via that thought process.
Women are not victims and media needs to stop this portrayal.
Men and women have done scams for years and folks with assets need to be careful.
9
@Concerned
In this regard there was a wonderful episode of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" that told the tale of two older people getting married. Both were being shadowed by insurance investigators, as they both had been in prior relationships where the spouse had died in an "accident" and the survivor claimed the money. Of course the two principals in the the story didn't know that about the other, and the episode ends with the two investigators rhetorically asking, "does he eat the (poisoned) oatmeal first, or does she try to get into the bathtub (rubbed down with oil to provoke a fall)." We now return to our sponsor.
25
This story doesn't necessarily boil down to old wealthy men and young 'needy' women. It is basically a professional scam artist story, and one can only wonder at what this lady would have accomplished in life, had she put her considerable skills, efforts and energy to much better use. The Mr. Needlemans of the world, whether young or old, male or female, wealthy or not so wealthy, will always be vulnerable to such scams. Kind hearted generous people who want to rectify the world's injustices will always be vulnerable to the professional sado-masochistic abuses of the other side. I've known a young female with much less money end up in much similar situations of being scammed. The big problem is that there are no laws protecting the victim. There are virtually no legal protections when it is a 'personal relationship,' and it is exactly these 'personal relationships' that professional con artists are so good at.
62
In asking why Mr. Needleman continued to invest in the woman, both financially and emotionally, no one in the comments has yet mentioned the concept of "Sunk Costs."
Sink costs means continuing to throw good money after bad, or continuing to be emotionally involved, because you're afraid to admit you were wrong and that you wasted your time or money.
The important thing to understand is that admitting you were wrong and looking toward the future instead of back toward the past (yes, even at an advanced age) can be truly liberating.
65
Women are always portrayed negatively in these stories but the man's role is always glossed over. This type of fraud is only possible because these men refuse to date someone their own age. They actually think a woman decades younger than them is interested in them.
Maybe if they were at least honest with themselves and admitted that any "relationship" with a woman who could be their grandchild is purely based on money for sex, there would be no surprises. These men need to acknowledge that there are lots of women their age who are single and would love a companion for walks, dinners together, etc, but these men don't want to be with someone "old." Well, neither do 38 year-old women.
1812
@Damhnaid How was the woman portrayed negatively? The article seemed fairly factual. If one disputes the facts as presented, that would be different.
6
@Damhnaid Mr. Needleman should have known that the only reason a woman who is 50, yes FIFTY years younger would only be interested in him for his money. He should have known better and it's remarkable that a person with resources and friends let it happen to him.
Same with stories of women who meet younger men while in vacationing in poor countries, and sometimes online, and then are left heartbroken when it all turns out to be an illusion. When something is too good to be true, it very often is.
18
Of course the woman is portrayed negatively. She's a craven criminal. She took advantage of a man whose mental facilities are diminished. He is the victim. The larger phenomenon of older men marrying younger women is something that galls many women but it does mean he deserved it. Also, palm reading is not a "skill". It's just a method of separating the gullible from their money. The con is the skill.
18
I need more critical data that neither the reporter nor Mr. Needleman provided, before I dole out a hefty ration of sympathy to anyone.
Mr. Needleman donated $1.8 million, but was this of a $100 million liquid fortune, or a $2 million liquid fortune?
If the former, $1.8 mil. is loose pocket change.
If the later, it would appear he may have a problem, but only for a little while longer.
Mr. Needleman seems from his printed statements to have a sound mind, so he is free to spend his own money in any way he chooses. Until recently he seems to have been happy in his purchases.
(I thought dowries were OBE in the US, so good reporting.)
Ms. Anderson also seems rational, and has developed her skills to a great degree. All she apparently did was ask, and ask often. At her age, she should do well over the next 20 years.
Mr. Chaoul seems to deserve some measure of sympathy for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Alas we are all subjects of the frivolity of luck, both good and bad.
But Mr. Chaoul does seem to have a good liability case against the Eli's; never sue a poor man.
If Mr. Chaoul wins, Ms. Anderson is unlikely to seek the further favors of Mr. Eli.
Ms. Anderson may provide a continuing, long-term tale here. Perhaps in sequels?
It's good to see women using their brains and skills, just like men do, to advance themselves, within the law.
11
Here's the thing. If you know an elderly person who doesn't have anyone you can prevent what happened to Mr. Needleman. Here's how.
Years ago I bought a home in a neighborhood and raised children until we outgrew the home. My neighbors included a childless couple who doted on my children. They had been married over 40 years. We stayed in touch. Last year the wife died and left her husband who has no family that he stays in touch with except a nephew from a brother who passed years ago. Both my parents passed long ago as well.
I have committed to helping this man as much as possible. I drive him to the doctor, the grocery store, the bank, even when I know he just wants to go for a ride. I call him to talk or come over to close the windows open on his computer. He is not at the point where he needs real care, but until that time, I will do what I can. We all can. Even in our otherwise busy lives.
We all want a kind and compassionate country. Someone can step up and befriend Mr. Needleman. And you can do it for free. You don't have to scam him or be left in his will. You can be part of the country you want to live in.
383
@only Your neighbor is very fortunate to have you.
In the case of Mr. Needleman, he did seem to have a group of friends to serve as a support group.
19
While Mr Needleman had friends it didn’t make him any less vulnerable. He was scammed. Period.
10
@only ... I have my own way to deflect gold diggers and scam artists: I have no money! Works every time.
14
Research has shown that as we age the anterior insula, a small region inside the cerebral cortex becomes smaller. This is the region that regulates suspicion and trust. The section of older people's brains that would have told them a few years earlier to beware is not functioning well. That is why so many older people are vulnerable to scams and con artists.
I wouldn't be too hard on Mr. Needleman, we all will reach old age sometime, and we will all be vulnarable!
74
And families don’t always meet (unconditional at least at first) emotional and physical needs this woman must have provided.
1
@Karen Unless you aren't very different from Donald Trump, there is no equivocating a man wishing to be with a younger attractive woman with a woman who commits fraud, theft, and attempted murder on multiple occasions to feed her own sociopathic tendencies. What you are really angry about is the notion that there are many terrible women in the world. There are. Probably more than terrible men.
3
@Captain Obvious Your reply to Karen's great comment makes absolutely no sense.
2
Mr. Needleman, like most people in their mid to late 80s, was not firing on all cylinders. He needs to go to his true friends (the ones who told him "she's not for you," not the jeweler who didn't say anything but was willing to be best man) and ask if any of their children would take on the task of trusteeship for him.
33
@Kay Tee At that age the cronies tend to validate and dismiss each other's senility. Throw in pathological vanity, and there's little help for it.
8
Now isn't it a good thing that Social Security was never privatized and people allowed to manage their own investments?
108
@Warren: Yeah. That's why he had so much money to spend. The profiteers who want to privatize didn't lose it for him.
19
Let’s look at the facts of the case.
An elderly man spent a very large amount of money on a younger woman for a long term relationship.
He married her twice. She kept asking him for more and more money and he gave it to her. Then she left him.
I can feel sad for the elderly gentleman and angry at the younger woman or any number of variations- but how do we determine if it was really a crime? The 2 marriages make that even more difficult.
And that is where it stands now. However, perhaps we should consider if this woman will do the same thing again and again to other elderly men?
18
@Elaine One needs only to look at her past history to determine if it was a crime. Mr. Needleman was not her first victim and, if she is not stopped, he will not be her last.
27
@Elaine - she did do it to other elderly men.
I dont know the law well enough to know if criminal intent can be proven but this is clearly not a may-december romance gone bad but a con artist preying on the loneliness of widowed wealthy men. The fact that he went along willingly doesnt make this any less criminal than the case of the German cannibal who put out an ad on Craigslist openly advertising for victims. He is still in jail for murder even though his victim was a very eager participant in his own death.
5
What is it about men like the two elderly gents in this story that they would fall so completely for a scam that is so obvious to anyone with a modicum of common sense.
The rampant Y chromosome? Or maybe male arrogance that would lead them to believe a 38 year-old woman would fall completely in love with an 84 year-old man. And I am in my 7th decade on the planet.
All I kept thinking as I read this article is how could you be so STUPID to marry her once but to do it again when you had serious doubts?? Love Einstein's definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
I just cannot feel any empathy for these two men.
56
@Len - It's not 'common-sense'. Read about frontal-lobe changes in ageing, vulnerability-to-predation, and look up how many psychopaths prey on them, those who know exactly what they're doing. Then you'll have empathy for lonely old people. And you'll take steps to protect yourself and your loved-ones from their predatory ways.
9
@Len I believe it is called loneliness.
3
@David Brook There are other remedies to offset changes as one ages that preclude giving away over $1,000,000!
The time, money and energy this person spent on this woman could have been better directed if he volunteered anywhere! His social circles would have expanded and he would be with like-minded people. And he would still have his nest egg in tact.
Moral of the story:
Get involved with someone your own age.
60
Like that really protects anybody from getting fleeced . . .
4
@Mathilda It lessens the odds, though.
Older man finds a younger woman attractive and marries her. A story as old as Aristophanes’ The Clouds. (Didn’t turn out too well then, either.) In fact, it sounds a lot like our current president, with his arm-candy wife. And more than one innocent person has gotten a whack on the back of the head (figuratively) because of this simpleton in the White House. Too bad Mr. Needleman didn’t have a fixer (though that may not turn out well for Mr. Trump).
31
@Ockham9 What about all those Filipina mail order brides here in the US? Same story.
6
@Ockham9 Not to quibble, but "Clouds" is a work of fiction.
The thing that really bugs me about this is that had I not been denied my gay marriage rights, I could have cashed-in on the same scam in my 20s and 30s and been $1.18 million richer today. I was pretty cute back then in my powder-blue Jordache jeans. It's just a little late for me to be digging for gold now that I'm pushing 60 and wearing sans-a-belt!
47
From John Heywood's 1546 glossary "A dialogue conteinyng the nomber in effect of all the prouerbes in the englishe tongue": But there is no foole to the olde foole, folke saie.
Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose?
12
I stopped reading when the boy needed 60 K for a dowry. The rest I just imagined.
47
@Hector Same here Hector! Stopped at the exact point! `
2
The poor guy fell for it and got fleeced...2X. Actually, this is where greedy children come in useful.
51
@Harley Leiber
No! Greedy children will fleece you to and divest you of all your assets and have you locked up in a lousy nursing home, and sometimes even physically abuse you. It's non greedy loving children that are a blessing, but the poor man didn't have any kids....
3
Poor Mr Chaboul, victim of the universe according to Woody Allen...random, immoral and incredibly violent.
33
A sad story. But hardly worthy of such prominent coverage in the NYT. Am I missing something?
15
It’s a societal, NYC story. Every newspaper has them. And it’s rather interesting considering all its tentacles. It’s a multi-faceted, human interest, con-story with a twist.
1
@Milton Lewis Yes you are. You did not have to read it. Happy that the NYT features human stories prominently.
4
@Mindy Wellington On the front page? Give me a break.
He married her TWICE. No sympathy from me.
16
When I began the story I wanted to care.
26
The picture of the couple sitting on the park bench tells the whole story: she has a smirk on her face and he appears dazed - deluded into thinking that he somehow was able to attract this much younger woman to him.
46
I'm sure I sound cold but I just can't believe he married her a second time. " Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me."
21
Wow! What a story. I expect to see this on Dateline.
8
@Maureen You very well might see it on Dateline, narrated by Keith Morrison.
1
loneliness is no excuse for ignorance, seriously he remarried her??
52
Alexander Hamilton -- this story is very old
1
The vast majority of women are not physically attracted to men who are old enough to be their grandfathers. Start and end there. If you come upon a woman who seems to defy this truth, you should be suspicious, not smitten.
93
In the US, youth is celebrated. Young people steer away from old people as though they are from another planet. Learn to respect the elders and make them inclusive. That way they wont feel so vulnerable and lonely and waiting for a human connection. Lets not forget that they have wisdom on their side that our young can learn a lot from. Also I believe some gypies use their hypnotic skills to dupe people. So beware!
7
@Bertie Why would a senior want to hang around with younger people? Nothing in common, no common experiences, no communication whatsoever. I don't get it.
11
Really? I know more than a few seniors who enjoy the company of younger people, and I know more than a few younger people who are "old souls" with their taste in books, music, film, and culture in general.
1
Unless you'e known loneliness and grief don't judge
32
@theresa: Is there any adult who HASN'T known loneliness and grief? This man was lucky enough to have good friends who cared about him, and he should have taken their advice more seriously.
24
@theresa
Thank you for the one human response which I came across here.
5
Loneliness can get you in more trouble than drugs or alcohol.
5
The fact that he married her a second time shouldn't weaken his case. The con artist simply tricked him again, just as she had done with the "dowry" three times. People living with abusive partners take them back all the time. It doesn't mean they weren't abused and they don't have a case.
This crime is perpetrated against women all the time--and at much younger ages. The "Romeo con" is quite common. New York City produces its fair share and they're trolling the dating sites as we speak. The New York Times should have included some statistics, and not just focused on the old stereotype of a young female gold digger preying on a lonely old man. There are twice as many male sociopaths in the world than female (2% and 1% of the population, respectively).
I would have liked to see a little context provided for this important but well-worn story. What are we doing about it? Sounds like not much, as we shrug when the district attorney dismisses the case because he the victim was victimized repeatedly.
The stigma is the problem that needs to be addressed. People love a con artist and hate a dupe. Just look how the film "Catch Me If You Can" made light of the con artist's crimes, while the person who the film was based on, Frank Abagnale, was a despicable sociopath whose first victim was his own father.
As a society we have a lot to learn, or this crime will remain simply an occasional freak show for us to marvel at in the pages of the New York Times.
27
I have sympathy for the man; however, we all need to take responsibility for our choices. He was conned twice by the same woman which means he went into the marriage for a second time with his eyes wide open. Nobody forced him; it was his choice to overlook what he knew her to be.
1
Old men always want younger women. It is arrogant how old men like this old geezer are in denial and convince themselves they are attractive to a women two, or three decades younger.
134
@writer11 In this case, more than 4 decades! That is, if Ms. Anderson is being truthful about her age, which is doubtful.
15
Romanian gypsy scam well known in Europe. There are a lot of judgmental people making comments on this board but a lonely old man scared to die alone is taken in by an expert con woman. It almost happened to my Dad (85) until I took the con woman to one side scared her so bad she took off and never contacted him again. I'm sure she scammed others though.
112
People believe what they desire to be the truth. There are some terrible people who take advantage of this fault, such as this woman. And this president. They are the same in their comfort within deception, and their lack of caring.
Don't feel bad, Mr. Needleman. 40% of this country fell for the same con.
151
@John
Stay on topic. Despite what you believe this has nothing to do with Trump.
3
@John
Oh that's so true!
And he is robbing us as well and the most vulnerable among us are mesmerized as if they belonged to a cult (the same way as the followers of the Jones went it for mass suicide and murder just because their cult leader told them to....
2
Hey, if being grifted happened to everyone who voted for Trump, it can happen to anybody.
28
@E.B.
Amazing how Trump comes up in so many comments on this story. As bad as he may be he is not really the embodiment of all evil in the world.
1
If anyone. Jewish or not, wants a definition of the Yiddish word, "
Shamuck" you only have say "Needleman." Forget all this about a lonely old man, all he had to do was listen to those who understood his situation and advised him.
ag
37
@Art Thats really too much Art. A man in his 90's afraid to die alone vs. a cunning Gypsy. I don't blame the man. Better hope that no professional criminal decides to exploit you when your wife dies. This story is tragic.
9
Fascinating...and also nauseating. I consider myself a highly compassionate person, but I cannot summon any sympathy for the people in this story. Even the guy who was slammed in the head with a bat — someone who was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time — turns out to be a collector of, and trader in, child pornography. And Mr. Needleman complains about his (obviously) scamming wife not cooking breakfast, and rarely dinner, during her time with him. And, he says, when she did cook, the “gypsy” spices made him sick. Oh, and that she stopped having sex with him after they married. So it seems that he was in this relationship not for love, but for a housekeeper who would sleep with him and take care of him until he died? No sympathy.
Now I’m going to do a search for videos of cute dogs and mini horses. I need to wash this mess out of my mind.
53
@Passion for Peaches Excellent observation. I too was bothered by his comment (and clear 'indignation') that she didn't cook for him.
13
He’s elderly and was married to the same woman for decades at a time when gender roles were entrenched. Lordy! My Mom cooked dinner every night but my Dad cooked the big holiday meal centerpieces: Turkey, Beefs, etc. and all the homemade soups that resulted. We all cooked. My mother was very independent and a women’s rights supporter but she enjoyed cooking for her husband & Family. And if she needed help, she let us sure let us know.
19
@Lisa
I didn't see indignation, only confusion and cognitive issues.
So sad that elderly people have to worry about "dying alone." That is the culprit here.
24
@RCJCHC Truth is that, men or women, we are all going to die alone, and people need to get used to that idea.
2
This is a perfect story for one of the shows on the ID Channel.
"Married with Secrets" or "Deadly Women". Silly older men falling for younger(and sometimes deadly) women the same old story, just different variations.
5
@Lola I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve turned down dates and plans with friends to watch a marathon session of murder shows on ID. I just hope NYT won’t be running a similar article featuring a female victim (me) in 40 years!
1
Like the old professor, in the '30s movie "The Blue Angel" who fell in love with the much younger showgirl Marlene Dietrich, our hero Mr. Needleman fell for a bad girl. When you are dealing with an age difference like that you should be looking for red flags. (requests for money, no sex). If it is real love, then the love should survive a denial of money. And one may have to appear heartless when there are requests for money for relatives for health issues etc. It is possible something too good to be true is true but you need to protect yourself and be prepared to walk away and abandon your new "love."
12
This is a story of elder abuse. It is not pretty when people prey on elders.
I'm just glad Mr Needleman is still alive.
29
A woman ten years younger than me regularly flirted with me. Silly me I took that to mean she was interested. She was not after my money but was just manipulating for her own reasons. Flirting for the purpose of manipulation is all too common (men and women.) The manipulator takes no responsibility for the consequences created, sad.
12
Talk to your family members about scams. They don't have to be wealthy or old to be targets.
14
@JL22
You quite right! As proven by people the most in need for the social safety net who were scammed into voting for Trump.
2
So, what's the problem.
They had a few laughs.
Most readers wish they could say as much.
3
So you're saying the man spent maybe $2 million dollars on a 4-year relationship with a woman 50 years his junior - there are scores of men in New York who have spent twice that much on a 4-year relationship with women only 25 years their junior!
8
Everyone is afraid of nursing homes or assisted living. If a person goes in with a can do attitude and participates in activities - well then it isn't exactly a cruise ship - but it might be better than sitting alone in a room. When people enter elderly facilities, they often check their initiative at the door. There is no sign on the door demanding that.
Also, about the article - my mom always said "There's no fool like an old fool."
5
Really very nice to read a piece by Michael Wilson. Tragic but his style spins the tale into a short true crime novella. And since he stopped writing the (almost) weekly column we have missed his signature style. Lastly, although taken, Mr. Needleman looks ok for a guy his age or younger and I wish him the best.
8
Mr. Needleman was a willing dupe on not just one, but two occasions! If he wanted companionship in his old age, he could have married a nice lady in her 70s, not someone less than half his age. He also must have known full well that dishing out $60K in cash THREE times to her son for dowries that never turned into marriages was bizarre. I don't feel bad for Mr. Needleman.
17
I can't understand why there does not seem to be a criminal investigation of this woman, preferably by the FBI since her fraud trail seems to cross state lines. She is a scammer, committing fraud, and involving other people (her son), which makes a conspiracy. Mr. Eli might be involved too. There is a pattern of behavior here. Watch her and she'll do it again. There has got to be a way to put this person behind bars.
24
Mr. Needleman is a victim of elderly abuse. It manifests in different ways but is often financial (and most often by family members, not strangers). The decline that makes someone vulnerable to financial scamming is slow and gradual, and the point at which the decline is enough to require protection is impossible to precisely identify. Making the problem more difficult, many elderly don't want any interference in making their own decisions.
That Mr. Needleman twice married the woman who cheated him is not evidence that he knew what he was doing, as a lawyer quite correctly advised was the way a jury would see things, but the exact opposite. His desire for a family to see him through his waning years and avoid a nursing home was legitimate, but many elderly have these concerns, and it is just another factor contributing to their vulnerability.
That many elderly have saved sufficiently for their retirement just makes them a big, fat target. Our laws need to change. The NYC detective who warned Mr. Needleman of suspicions that he was the victim of a "sweetheart swindle" should have had the power to bring a halt to the whole thing, and social services should have had the capabilities to see Mr. Needleman through this difficult period and help him find the companionship and security he desired.
14
@Percy I met briefly and talked to an older man who had married a much younger woman. He told me she died later of cancer, and said it in a way that sounded like she had cheated him out of the nurse in old age he had bargained for. Pretty clear what his motives were, and I was not feeling sorry for him. His chief grievance was not about losing his partner to cancer at a young age but losing the help he thought he had bought to see him thru decrepitude.
7
I run a side hustle as a photojournalist, and I maintain an Instagram page mostly for professional purposes. I constantly get 'followed' and messaged by provocatively posed and nearly naked young women. I am sixty-one, fit and active for my age. But I'm still an older man.
Of course, I never follow these 'women' back, nor do I return their messages. I'm sure their intent is nowhere near as extreme as Ms. Anderson's. Still, it's exemplary of how often older men live with the delusion that they are sexually attractive to young women (if indeed any of these followers are actually women).
And honestly? Some of my loneliest hours were spent with beautiful but vacuous young women. (I was also young at the time. I've been happily married to a woman my age for twenty nine years.) Sex, no matter how intense, just makes me feel lonely and empty if I don't have an emotional and/or intellectual bond with the woman next to me. I think it's the curse of maledom to hope otherwise.
I am so sorry for Mr. Needleman. I can't pretend to understand the needs and voids in his life. Nor do I judge him for his choices. I am growing old with a woman I dearly love and two grown kids who are wonderfully present in my life. Loneliness is just a memory for me.
40
Mr. Needleman has a huge amount of hubris (Telling the NYPD officer: “I’ve thought about what you’ve said to me, and I believe I can correct everything,” ) intersecting with grief and loneliness. This made him the perfect mark. He has no children who might have been another source of warning that Ms Anderson was not what she appeared to be. But one has to have the humility to accept that that have made a mistake.
"It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled." Attributed to Mark Twain.
31
The makings for a Coen brothers film.
10
The elderly, especially the childless elderly, are such targets for scams. They lack the protection of immediate family. They hate to admit that their mental acuity might be getting dull or that their emotional needs may be clouding their vision. These grifters choose their victims. The DA's office should be more aggressive in these cases - marriage was part of the fraud. Ms. Anderson probably hoped for an early widowhood.
10
Oh man, that is just horrible.
Just terrible.
Unfortunately gold digging is not illegal, he married her, twice! Her lawyer has the perfect defense, ‘they did that out of love’. We all can see it was a scam, and most of us would not have fallen for this, ever.
The monetary loss is that, it’s gone and never coming back. Then again he seems to have money to give away and still not go broke. It’s his cash so it’s his choice what he does with it at the end.
But the real crime here, is here is another human being that will never trust again in mankind. I am sure he meant well, and it seems he paid the price.
9
One has to marvel at the power this woman had over this man, that after coming to the realization that she'd scammed him out of almost 2 million dollars and divorcing her, he allowed her to reel him back in. To have prospered as he did in the building business, and perhaps also as an investor, he had to have been fairly savvy. The allure of an attractive, younger woman to a desperate, aging man is one thing, but the inability to exercise sound judgement in the face of blatant dishonesty and manipulation suggests serious mental impairment.
My sympathies to Mr. Needleman. Having endured extended periods of heartbreaking loneliness, myself, as a younger man, I can imagine how painful it would be to experience it when one is older, has lost a lifelong mate, and has no children. I can only hope that if I ever end up old and alone, I'll have the wherewithal to fend for myself in the face of a predatory world.
11
Perhaps Mr. Needleman came upon his money in an ill-gotten manner, and his guilt sought a need to rid himself of the poison, thus atoning for previous crimes, by being a victim, in the present. Certainly the money did everyone who touched it, absolutely NO GOOD. At least that's how Steinbeck would write it.
6
@harvey, and perhaps Mr. Needleman earned his money honestly. Perhaps he was foolish enough to fall for a heartless grifter who uses her savvy to steal.
5
Times recently reported that women dating online peak in desirability at 18. Yes 18!!! Men peak at...50! It amazes and saddens me that men so often turn to much younger women to cure their lonliness when there are so many single older women. Feeling needed, even if only financially, is powerful draw.
24
@susan Saw that article, too. I then stomped around, being surly for about 2 hours until I got distracted by a hangnail. Forgot all about it, but now I remember. Thanks a LOT.
1
@susan
Didn't the opposite used to be said, that men peak at 18 and women more like 30 or 40. Like the weather, wait a while and it will be reported as something completely different again.
The real issue with this type of scam is that the perpetrators know exactly what they are doing my making the scam so obvious to all but the easiest mark. It insulates them successful prosecution if they can claim that the asks were so outlandish that the mark should have known. Even here in the comments section, there is little sympathy for this man's bad decisions, because he "should have known." It's the same with phishing emails. Te stories are so ridiculous because the scammers don't want to waste time with people who will question the scam. Most people ignore it, the ones that don't, fall hard. The scammers know this. The entire scam depends on it. Entire communities of people make their living stealing money from easy victims, and they go largely unnoticed because the victims "should have known" and thus, the criminals are rare prosecuted.
12
It's mostly ego. Elderly men want to believe that younger women still find them attractive. I don't think it's about companionship. I think this man paid a million dollars to feel desirable.
38
@richguy: He'd have gotten off cheap at a million; it was $1.8 million plus.
1
"Call no man foe, but never love a stranger." -- Stella Benson
4
I have to wonder how this story would have been received, or if it even would have been published, if Ms. Anderson was of a different ethnic background. Indeed, if she was of any other ethnic background than Roma.
Does this article feed into harmful stereotypes? How valid a question is this, and should we be asking it every time a criminal perpetrator's ethnic background is emphasized by a journalist?
10
It's a shame that Mr. Needleman's friends didn't get together and do some kind of an intervention before the situation got out of hand.
11
Where was his extended family, his lawyer? Surely he trusted someone for sound advice when he needed some, if he could not see if for himself? Even after the police came knocking on his door and told him point blank that he was being scammed, he refused to do something. Now, why cry about it?
This applies to women also who fall for facebook, match.com, etc. scams from men who claiming to be overseas needing money to get home, etc.
There have been enough cases in the media, friends, neighbours, and even a policeman that shows up at your door to tell you that you are being SCAMMED!
Sorry, but I have little sympathy for men or women who continue to fall for this type of scam.
5
I'm very sorry Mr. Needleman had to go through this. BUT - isn't this a story that has been repeated over and over again throughout history?
7
An old saying - There's no fool like an old fool -usually referring to men and this kind of situation.
I know a lot of women, widows and divorcees of some means, well groomed, trim and quite attractive but 70's and 80's ie closer to his age. I'm sure there are plenty of similar ladies in NYC. They'd be happy to take care of him, cater to him and assuage his loneliness. Why not seek out one of them? They'd have more in common with him as well. Too old for him, I guess, young buck that he is, looking with rose colored glasses into the mirror. I'll bet the gypsy lady is older than her stated 38 years too.
What was that old saying I quoted above?
22
Mr. Needleman had a social circle so he was not a shut in with no friends or family. The piece itself says he had a circle of friends that he met with regularly. I'm sure that group looked out for one another. I'm sure within his travels, he could have found himself a companion closer to his own age. It's likely that his ego came into play at the thought of snagging and showing off a much younger woman.
He lost all sympathy from me once the police came knocking to tell him he was being swindled and he dismissed the detective arrogantly by saying that he could fix the situation.
66
@ShirlWhirl
This is not uncommon. I write about scams against the elderly, and though they are told about the scam, refuse to stop. This is especially true when it comes to money. It is hard for them to admit they have been duped.
13
@understand Some people will never admit they have been wrong. They will live with the consequences for years to avoid this. And everywhere in all situations this is true. Sometimes it only hurts them but sometimes it hurts other people too, maybe even a lot of other people.
Loneliness or the fear of facing loneliness causes people to act irrationally. Needleman was paying a dear price to prevent feeling isolated but fortunately for him he has the financial resources to move on, albeit lighter in his cash reserve.
27
@nzierler, I read the situation differently. I see an old guy who wanted a caretaker and sex partner who would cook for him and manage his household, and eventually manage his funeral. I cannot believe he did not know he was being scammed fairly early on, but he liked the trade-off. Until she went too far.
8
I am very surprised by the many harsh and judgmental comments regarding Mr. Needleman.
First, we need some serious education in this country about what it is like to be elderly--physically, emotionally and potentially cognitively.
Second, remember that things seem obvious when told years later, after gathering many facts and connecting many dots.
Let's try to have a little empathy for our fellow humans, especially those with kind and generous hearts. We all have our weaknesses.
183
@James No, I really don't think being elderly or not seeing red flags at the time had anything to do with it. After all,Mr. Needleman's friends, who are presumably around his age and who met Sylvia, DID recognize warning signs and tried to warn him at the time. How deluded does one have to be to fork over yet ANOTHER $60K for a third "dowry" when the $$ from the first two failed "engagements" wasn't returned? If he was so blinded be fear of loneliness that he truly couldn't see the highway robbery occurring, then I'm sorry, he made his own bed.
13
@James
If his swindler were age 70 or 80, you'd hear more sympathy.
Women who are routinely jettisoned by men, in favor of women half the man's age, are likely having difficulty mustering any tears for this "victim."
17
@James
Sorry, but I would have a lot more sympathy if the victims were not one-percenters, but lived hand to mouth.
it is painful to read that we are used to judge people - many times at first sight- by pre-constructed frames of reference , and stick to that first perception.
The pain in this tale lies in the firm belief that she was "naïve and uneducated" and "she knew absolutely nothing of the world".
Now wether these convictions really played a role in Samaritan behavior next to the mentioned singleness and forces otherwise, the pain is that at 85 the rip down portrays the naivety of a man of age who feels he deserves love and probably he does. Who doesn't.
Until computer age this would be reckoned as Great Literature.
6
@Istvan
No! This would not be "reckoned as great literature" before the computer age and now. Literature is made in the writing or the reciting.
I am not diminishing the value of a good article, but literature itself is alive and well in the computer age. Look up a few present titles....
I think loneliness is a terrible terrible thing. I would like to see an effort across generational lines. May young people are lonely too. Each group has something to offer. Tutoring, help with chores, conversation, guidance.
In Japan, loneliness in the elderly is at such a crisis that they are making robots for them.
We have the resources to cure this. It is called people. Each other. Let's brainstorm to realize it.
74
@lelectra This is a story "across generational lines". Older people need to be very suspicious of the motives of much younger people of either gender, no matter the nature of the relationship.
6
@me
Keep in mind, this is a generation that is very trusting. It is hard to advise an adult who has lived a long life, that they are being taken advantage of by someone. The generation was raised on helping one another.
@me I surely hope you didn't mean to imply that 'most' younger people are often out to take advantage of older people?? For if so, what a sorry existence you must have.
Older people should not be categorically 'suspicious' of younger people who enter their lives. Rather, they just need to utilize common sense. When they hear a warning bell, they should heed that warning bell, and not just ignore it.
Older generations have always shaken their heads about the younger generations, as a whole, suggesting that our planet is doomed. However, as we've all seen, such beliefs can mainly chalked up to generational differences and misunderstandings. As each new generation grows up to become adults, we see some amazing things coming out of that generation. Most people are inherently good, regardless of generation.
These stories are always so disturbing. The one take-away I always get is: Never Marry Beneath Your Station. It's old-fashioned and sort of snobby-sounding, but the truth is that if you are not well matched intellectually or in a social-economic way, you will at best be frustrated and unhappy and at worst possibly scammed. This is not always true of everyone of course, but I've seen way too many friends and family members suffer the consequences of "marrying beneath their station" to realize that, as politically incorrect as it sounds, there is a great deal of wisdom behind it.
109
@KFree
Precisely. Its the wisdom of arranged marriages ... well matched and the families on both sides are harmonious and happy.
19
@KFree I married "beneath my station" and into a vastly different culture to boot, and it was the best decision I ever made. Better advice is, use your head.
17
@KFree, that is so patently offensive that I am shocked the paper let it run.
Speaking as someone who did marry a man “beneath my station” (in that he is from a socioeconomic class well below the one I was born into), I’m here to tell you that you are wrong. Absolutely, offensively, snobbishly wrong.
5
This guy's talking 'gypsies' and paying dowries... if only his best man had simply said "dude, she's a witch..."
There isn't really a winner in all of this... maybe the best man who didn't show at the second wedding... I don't feel sympathy... a little disgusted... I want to say sad, but man has that word been appropriated...
33
Yes very sad, but I have no sympathy. At the word "Roma" I would have run like a bunny.
And frankly, the woman is not even attractive. I'm 68 and much nicer looking.
And not to mention, the minute she moved that atrocious furniture in, the furniture would be out the window, and she would be shown the door.
Does this man have no sense? Again I'm 68 and would not even consider dating a man even my age. Nothing but trouble.
7
For those who posted they have little sympathy for this old man...
Naturally, I assume you have no sympathy when a man cons an old lady or does the same to her?
Yes?
12
@jyI do have sympathy but, at the same time, he married her a 2nd time after he already knew of her schemes. He is partially responsible.
3
@jy I have unfortunately seen both. This is why people my age, men and women, are overly suspicious of each other. Better that than to be a foolish Needleman.
Yes the same. No sympathy for either. I have no time for fools.
3
Sorry, y'all, this story is pathetic. Do you also get worked up about people who lose money playing 3-card monte? Sheesh.
25
I find it very hard to believe that at some level Mr. Needleman didn't realize she was a scammer.
74
@robert forte Mr. Needleman was very, very lonely.
1
@robert forte Mr. Needleman was busy "thinking" with his "little" head.
7
This story breaks my heart because it is a far too familiar tale of deception, fraud, theft, and emotional destruction of the heart and spirit. My dad was the victim of numerous scams and never listened to sound advice nor opinions from anyone, especially his offspring, partly I think because he was embarrassed, ashamed, and did not want to admit that he made mistakes. But mostly, I think because he was so lonely and depressed after my mother died, he thought some degree of companionship is better than none at all. We strongly urged him to at least prepare a pre-nup, just in case to protect his assets, but he refused that suggestion as well. Of course, in the end, he was practically wiped out, financially. Fortunately, all of his children agreed and pooled together to ensure that he would live the remaining time on earth somewhat comfortably.
I find the degree and level of emotional blackmail and deception people like Sylvia Anderson played on Jerry Needleman nauseating to the point where I become physically ill. I understand emotionally as well as cognitively why folks like Mr. Needleman make those destructive choices, but in the end, my heart still breaks for them because they are not thinking with their heads but are being pulled by their hearts. The only “comfort” Mr. Needleman is left with is the realization of “The biggest mistake I made in my life” was ever getting involved with Sylvia Anderson.
67
@Marge Keller
Of course, in the end, he was practically wiped out, financially. Fortunately, all of his children agreed and pooled together to ensure that he would live the remaining time on earth somewhat comfortably.
He mismanaged your estate and used you (his offspring) as a bail out plan. It sounds like the crash of 2008. My dad is 90. If he seemed in any way to be falling prey to thing like this, I'd have him declared incompetent and file for power of attorney in a heartbeat. I already consider his money to be my money. I'm lucky that my dad seems to care more about money than about either sex or love.
4
This man could have been her grandfather, yet he fantasized about her like a wife and did everything he could to make her one. He courted a woman whom he thought "couldn't even read a map." Is this really someone who is marrying for companionship or was he looking for a complacent pretty toy?
It is unfortunate that he was scammed so flagrantly, but he deliberately ignored friends and even the police in order to further his fantasy. At the end of his life he took a serious risk that a more "reasonable or rational" version of himself may have not done 50 years ago. He made bad bets - twice on the ex-wife and thrice on her son. Fool him once, shame on her - fool him five times....
84
I realize Mr. Needleman is alone without family but given the extreme gullibility demonstrated isn't there any public agency checking on his mental acuity? This sounds much more than an old lonely man falling prey to a scam. This rings of mental diminution that has clinical significance. I wonder whether he has been seen by a medically qualified person to determine his continued ability to navigate the world successfully.
31
If there is a book of old proverbs ready to go to print, Mr. Needleman's picture will be example A next to "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me"
He is by no means alone as a victim of a scam. There likely are millions of people who get "taken" every day. But rarely have I seen anyone discover the grift, contfront and deal with the grifter, and then turn around and re-enter the exact same circumstance with the exact same players. Not unlike getting caught in quicksand, finding a way out onto solid ground and turning around and jumping back in.
Being elderly makes people vulnerable, but willful stubborn blindness in the face of plain fact is something altogether different. Responsibility to go around on this one.
37
This story was way too long for me to finish. Lost interest. Twice.
These men were fools. How do we protect aging fools from themselves?
How do we keep people engaged within their communities so they are less lonely? Why weren't Needleman's friends able to do more or speak up at greater volumes. That wasn't a kindness.
40
@Lydia I didn't find this story too long, possibly because I still believe communication means more than a facebook-like 4-word phrase.
61
@Lydia
You need to read more and write less.
"Way too long" Seriously?!
1
A grifter of the highest order. So sad and vulnerable. I would rather die alone than go through the deceit, lost money, and lost self respect.
21
I have ZERO sympathies for a businessman with an education and friends to get swindled so completely. If he turned a blind-eye to gain female company, he got what he paid for.
41
@William Taylor And she isn't that attractive
1
My mother, in her mid-seventies, answered a knock on her back door, only to find a distraught middle-aged woman, crying about her runaway poodle. She said the little dog had just jumped out of the car and had to be somewhere in the neighborhood. My mother, a fervent dog-lover, went with the woman to search. Of course, while she was gone, someone entered the house and stole all her jewelry. Turns out, a band of “gypsies” were committing similar crimes all over South Carolina. Some criminals are very practiced at preying on vulnerable seniors and very convincing. My mother was no dummy, but those people may have been watching the house and undoubtedly saw my parent’s Yorkie. They knew how to target my mother. Don’t be too hard on Mr. Needleman. He was a sitting duck and that woman had years of practice in telling him what he needed to hear. Very sad story and all too common.
886
@Kathryn I am sending this story to my daughter, so that when I become that foolish, she will hopefully step in and intervene. As a widower I understand where Needleman was coming from, but he ignored his friend at his own peril.
5
@Kathryn. I don’t know that I would equate your mother’s being taken advantage of one time due to her kind heart to a man who was actually told BY THE POLICE that he was being scammed but kept at it, either because of a desire for sex or some perceived status he gained from being with a younger, attractive woman.
6
@Kathryn. At least your mother didn’t marry any of the crooks, once or twice!
1
The elderly, just like everyone else, open up to kindness. The people who prey on them know how easy it is to manipulate and are tireless in their efforts. Protect your older friends-- ask them not to trust people who ask them to keep secrets. These scams are happening everywhere.
43
Sounds like a Coen brother movie come to life !
Sad, ironic and darkly humoristic at the same time...
18
A man who can afford to give out $60K 3 times and then buy those other things, wouldn't be pitied...money is obviously the least of his problems. He was searching for love...perhaps in the wrong places. But still...
12
@May I don't know what the going price is for a hooker or a call girl, but for $1.8 million he sure could have gotten plenty of "company."
4
When the man is much older than the woman in a relationship, invariably the man has a lot of money and/or power. Always.
There are two possible reasons: (1) The woman is a gold digger. Which is what you have here. (2) The man knows that money and/or power attracts women, and uses this to snag a younger woman.
There is an evolutionary reason why men find younger women appealing. There are two ways that species mate: (1) The male impregnates the female and then disappears. The female solely raises the offspring. In these species the mates tend to be around the same age. (2) The male and female mate for life. In this case, choosing a young female will give the male more offspring. And this preference becomes selected for.
5
Sure -- he seems very capable of producing offspring. NOT
4
I forget who the writer is who said -
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
83
@Mary Ann It was Maya Angelou, a very gifted person!
7
@Mary Ann - Maya Angelou said that.
@Mary Ann -- It was Maya Angelou who said that.
This reminds me of the man who was taken advantage of by a "psychic" in New York and forked over about $900K.
She apparently needed to build a golden bridge for him.
Hysterical Blindness
9
There's a parallel that could be made here with politics. And is "the error that is made by those who don't know what they don't know".
Then, you get what you deserve...in this case not what you paid for.
How important is to avoid denial!
The whole kaboodle can be blamed straight to Jerry's naivete.
But, if he's still around he could recoup the financial lose by .... selling his rights for a MOVIE!
What a story, OMG!!!!
7
If you are an elderly man who finds himself all alone....your three greatest fears are sickness of either mind or body.... dying alone in a nursing home or.... making a fool of yourself with a young woman who cleans out your bank account. This sort of thing happens more then you know.....most of the time...the men keep quiet because they understand that society will laugh at them for being "dirty old men". Nobody really wants to be alone and there is nothing wrong with wanting love and companionship...even if you are an old man
30
@K.Walker I think the problem is that the majority of men feel they have to be with someone. My mother always said that when she died my dad would be with someone in less than a year and she was right. I have seen that with many men, while many elderly women live alone happily. Just as many men die after retirement do they wither away after losing their wives. They are easy marks for this kind of scam. Me, I love living alone and can't imagine falling for a story like the one Mr. Needleman fell for no matter how desperate you are for love.
17
I have a friend who is 75. I tried to set him up with a woman who was 72 but he refused because she was "too old." Similar to this story, he went on to a woman half his age who got him to pay big bucks multiple times for her bogus stories of hardship.
124
I love it. Good for him. What divine retribution.
8
Moral of the story... listen to your friends.
31
The old adage: No fool like an old fool, was never truer.
21
"... Mr. Nicholas drove... to the small house where Mr. Eli lived and waited outside, watching..."
If he lived there, why was he waiting outside? and for what? What was he watching?
Well written? Edited at all?
1
@m.epstein I think it was obvious he was waiting for the guy to come out of his house so that he could then hurt him. I don't understand the confusion.
12
I think the saying "there's no fool like an old fool" sums this saga up succinctly.
18
Mr. Needleman apparently has resources, so that is good. The bottom line is there is no fool like an old fool. His friends saw this happening, his ego was too big to see what was in front of him. There are many attractive older women with whom he could have enjoyed life. Feel sorry for the uoung man who was injured.
20
i have had a girl only 8 years younger do this with me and I am 45, there are people out there who scam as a lifestyle... con artists for sure. I was single, dating a few women, not a "lonely heart" desperate for attention... this scam artist was just a woman i was dating and the lies and lies and lies didn't stop....
i didn't loose so much as this guy but lies are exposed and they still try to con you.
the depths in which someone will stoop to con money out of u knows no bounds
Believe me sweetheart scammers are a real thing.
from what i have read most men who have this happen to, never go to the police out of embarrassment and not REALLY BELIEVING they happened to be scammed
part of them "know" they are being scammed and a part of them believes they are "really loved" BEEN THERE DONE THAT
19
So pathetic but sorry, i do not have much sympathy for this guy. Above all, he was basically giving his money away to a stranger for companionship. Think of all the good he could have done with that money - over a million dollars! He could have donated to any number of worthy causes to help the disadvantaged, advance research into some disease that makes people tremble or weep (or both), buy books for the local school, etc. etc. He probably was asked by a few organizations and I bet he told them, "No, you freeloaders!" This guy's pathetic. No winners in this story. Ms. Anderson is a weasel with appalling taste in furniture. The guy with the ruffled head probably can't enjoy a donut without cringing. And Danny Champs can't leave the house with any peace of mind. Maybe the winner is the reporter.
19
A fool and his money are soon parted and a rich fool and his money will be parted even sooner.
39
Social ties can help us avoid these situations, but you must talk to people about what is happening.
4
@Marilyn Sue Michel
His friends and the police tried to tell him. He wouldn't listen.
16
@Marilyn Sue Michel
Not the case here. He did talk to friends, but didn't take their advice.
16
What a sad story. Another example as to why we need good friends, strong connections to our community. And....we need to stop and listen to friends, family, and others who warn us of danger!
Mr. Needleman, should have known better, loneliness and grief are no excuse.
9
@Mari He had all that plus the cops came and told him point blank, that he was being scammed. He did not listen.
6
My friend Arthur died 10 years ago at age 96. When he was in his mid-90's he met a young distraught women on 47th Street in Manhattan who came running up to him and asked him to help her. He said "I will help you but I will not give you any money". She told him her problems and their relationship grew. She 'could not' give him her phone number and the only way they could get in touch was when she called him. She told him she fell in love with him. They went to the movies several times and kissed in the movies. He never gave her any money, but incredibly, he did believe that she was in love with him. Fortunately she disappeared.
134
What a tale! It's hard to understand how Mr. Needleman could have fallen for this scam the first time (the three different dowries for weddings that didn't happen, etc.), but a second time also? One wonders if he had no friends or relatives to step in and help to protect him from his terrible choices. Perhaps this demonstrates just how vulnerable even the most intelligent and sophisticated elderly are.
19
His friends warned him and a police man came to his door, he ignored both!
25
Mr. Needleman would never have fallen for this scheme as a young man.
So how should society protect elderly people with intact minds but judgment impaired by age? There's no easy answer, and there are more and more of these vulnerable individuals with each passing day. And it would be a mistake to think only evil strangers are lurking.
26
@KJ
Society in terms of his friends and the police did what they could. He married her twice!
18
What some men will do for a pretty face. Sorry, he got what he deserved. There are plenty of ways to mitigate your loneliness -- find a widow your own age -- there are plenty of them!
61
There are other people to beware,people in positions of authority. Some months ago I read a horrifying story in the New Yorker that exposed a lawyer, judge and some other social services person who were colluding to have older people declared incompetent and putting them under the control of private "professional" guardians who were able to sell their houses, personal belongings, and place them in whatever kind of care they choose. Even their families had no right to stop this.
The article is called, "How the elderly lose their rights" by Rachel Aviv and is from the October 2, 20017 issue.
The story is shocking and almost unbelievable. Even elders with family can be victims.
167
@Nancy
I read it, too. It's hair-raising! Should be mandatory reading for anyone over 60, who has a bank account.
Straight out of a John D MacDonald plot, with no Trav to ride to the rescue.
3
I read that article and also recommend it. It was difficult to believe how much control the professional guardian had, and what the family went through.
1
A dowry is money or goods which come with the bride when she marries. Money or valuables crossing from the bridegroom’s family to that of the bride is more properly termed a bride price.
25
Human beings are incredibly malleable once you tell them what they think they need to hear.
- middle-class tax cut (now that's rich)
- war is peace (and endless war is even more peaceful)
- truth is not true (then what is false?)
- I alone can fix our country (and he is fixing it for himself alone)
- lock her up (pardon me, but for what?)
- collusion is not a crime (unless you call it by it's true name, conspiracy)
- and just yesterday: He (that brown American) speaks perfect English (lordy, I hope there are tapes!)
97
@Brucer I am not sure if I can post a link in comments so I will not, but please google "34 years ago, a KGB defector chillingly predicted modern America".
I think you will find it very interesting. I found it interesting, but concerned for this country's future.
4
@Jan Thanks, Jan, very cool of you. Well, we obviously have the required aristocracy in place, if we are destined to mimic the transformation of Mother Russia. I'm more concerned the Civil war will be reenacted on a larger scale with modern weapons. The dismally boring 1950's don't seem quite so bad in retrospect. Cheers.
Just from the photo and its caption--before reading even the first sentence of this story--I knew Ms. Anderson was likely Roma.
The NY Times featured, fairly recently, the success of a town in a European nation to acculturate the Roma community into its social fabric, to the benefit of all.
But that requires willingness of all parties. Ethnic groups that unto eternity see the surrounding majority--whatever and wherever that may be--as enemies and, in the case unfortunately of many Roma, as prey--will not do very well, will remain marginalized and, unfortunately, despised.
It's not "freedom" to live as nomads in modern society. It is to keep one's children chained to ignorance and petty and not-so-petty crime. How, in our politically-correct age, do we address this?
38
The grifter's greatest gift is a wealthy, love-lorn and lonely mark who fears dying alone. Solid Gold.
50
Just legalize prostitution already! Lonely old men and women desperately need companionship and sex, and that desperation quite often leads to terrible decisions.
If prostitution were legal, elderly men and women could safely hire well-recommended people to provide companionship and romance. Dating services are a big help, but traditional dating leading to marriage isn't necessarily what an 85-year-old needs or wants. Just hiring a companion in an above-board, legal transaction needs to be an option.
This is another place where our Puritan/Catholic traditions get in the way of compassion and common sense.
29
@Tom Prostitution is legalized--de facto; they advertise online. If Mr. Needleman was only intersted in sex he wouldn't have given the scammer more than a few hundred dollars a shot. Sex wasn't the scammers leverage.
4
@Tom it seems he wanted more than sex
7
@lelectra
Maybe, I wouldn't presume to know in this case, but the need for sex is very powerful among elderly, and is, along with sheer loneliness, leads people to make decisions that seem so irrational and out of character.
Unconscionable really. How do the Sylvia Anderson's of the world live with themselves? I would not want to live with that depravity.
Anyway, great story, great writing. One of the reason I love the NYT.
Hopefully the story will be shared with many people and many will be enlightened.
God bless you, Mr. Needleman.
27
The elderly are easily scammed unfortunately. I was lucky with my parents. We had the "money talk" after my father called me from Florida to say he got a letter from James Roosevelt, FDR's son, asking for money to save Social Security. I told my dad not to send money to anyone without talking to me first. Thankfully, my parents listened and avoided needless hassles.
72
@KS My elderly aunt once got scammed when someone came to her door, saying that they were the police looking for counterfeit bills that had been passed around the neighborhood (UWS lower 90's to be exact). Guess what? When the guy went through her wallet he found that all of her 20's were counterfeit and took them "as evidence."
11
As many here have mentioned, loneliness and grief can influence bad judgement. My father was approached by a much younger woman shortly after my mother died and began a whirlwind romance and quick marriage. I was ten at the time and was forced to call her mother when I hardly had the care or guidance to help process my own grief. She ended up being a cruel monster who took him for everything, leaving us (literally) in the street.
I have learned the hard lesson by a single degree of separation and can assure you I know to never let that happen to me. I welcome loneliness over the idea of being taken to the cleaners by some greedy sociopath.
118
I was widowed at a relatively young age, in my late 40s. It has been ten years. Like so many in this situation, I would love to be able to share my life with someone. However, I have long ago learned that there are some things worse than being alone. Being with the wrong person or being with a grifter are both far worse and would put what little financial security I have in jeopardy. So I developed close friendships and will continue working for as long as my body and brain will allow. If I ever meet someone with whom I decide to engage in a serious relationship, a prenuptial is an absolute must, a document every widow or widower must insist upon. And if I'm alone, that's okay, too.
202
@j I agree. Loneliness does not need to prevent happiness. It is a feeling and the feeling of loneliness, like all emotions, passes if one just lets it be without fighting it. If I feel a "need" to act, I just remind myself how much more painfully lonely I felt married to someone who did not love me. Is dying alone worse than dying with people glad to see you go? I have seen it happen. That is a tragedy.
11
@j Maybe that works for you, but most widows and widowers seek something more permanent.
Mr. Wilson calls Ms. Anderson "the single thread connecting at least half a dozen men whose lives have been altered because of their proximity to her." Do you really think these men's lives were altered by their mere "proximity" to this woman? I would argue that it was Mr. Silver's and Mr. Needleman's naiveté that altered their lives. A person running a scam is not some evil, paranormal wizard controlling others with their aura just because they happen to be a young, beautiful woman. There's no reason to not use the same common sense with her - in spite of her appearance - as with a robocall ruse, or any other person running a scam on the street.
As for Mr. Chaoul's unfortunate injury - this was the result of men thinking they are entitled to resort to physical violence for the "sake" a woman they feel they can call their own. Not because of his "proximity" to Ms. Anderson. She did not directly order his bashing; nor is it normal in any sense to beat anyone up when someone is unfaithful.
53
@Divya
In other words, blame the victims, right?
7
@Geezer An old guy walking into a buzzsaw isn't necessarily a victim.
You know, these guys don't know how to find a date. The grifters have to bump into them to capture their notice.
What we need is matchmakers for the elderly singles. Bonded and verified yentas, with plenty of references, who can match a lonely man like Mr Needleman with someone like his beloved Gitti.
Such a match could be based on the client's requirements--a friend only, or a possible mate.
Maybe the YMCA could step in? (I'm not kidding.)
86
@Penich There are _lots_ of web sites to match old people to one another. This niche has not been ignored.
7
That's ridiculous. An old man with money has a ton of leverage within reason. If he had showed up at any place where older people gather -- church, temple, assisted living, classes, the library -- he would have been besieged by older women who want a companion. But no -- this old man thought he deserved a woman young enough to be his great great ... Sorry he got what he deserved. If he genuinely wanted companionship -- it's everywhere. Hope those three sexual encounters were worth it. I almost feel sorry for her on that one.
10
@Penich
That's a great idea. I have an friendly acquaintance who is 89 and wanting to marry again. It would be his 4th. He says "I wish you were ten years older."
I tell him, "I'd still be too young for you!" (I'm 69)
But then I also think of all of the women I know who are late 50's to mid 60's - attractive, fit, intelligent and who can't 'find' anyone either.
It's so sad. But expectations are very high thanks to the onslaught of media images - even products for older women are graced with the faces of young ones.
I thank my lucky stars that I was blessed with Great Love (twice) and now that I'm single and older I am graced with self and life satisfaction, fantastic friendships, the companionship of a sweet old cat, too many interests to count, and the ability to truly enjoy living alone.
I know the single life is not a life for everyone, but I am sure glad it is for me. Whew!
8
It’s not just young, attractive women who are trying to take money from elders. Some home health aides also want a cut. We have an elderly relative who has an apartment in a retirement complex near Boston. She contracts with an agency to send an aide over once a day to help her take a shower and put on her stockings. All of the agencies charge $35 an hour and require a minimum of 2 hours.
In addition to helping their clients wash and dress, the aides are supposed to do light housework. None of the aides does any housework. They all leave as soon as they have taken the approximately 45 minutes necessary to help my relative wash and put on her stockings. They require her to sign a document saying they have worked for 2 hours. Last week, my relative asked an aide if she would first do some light housework. The aide then asked to be put into her will. When my relative refused, the aide abruptly got up and left.
Very upset over this, my relative talked it over with her friends at the retirement complex’s dining room. Many of her friends also hire aides, and they have all had the same experience. If you want an aide to do more than the bare minimum, you must put her in your will.
My relative's friends also warned her that if she continues to ask her aides to do more than help her wash and dress, even if it is to just stay to keep her company for the entire 2 hours, that the aides will warn each other not to accept assignments to work for her.
281
I have seen similar behavior from home health aides that work for individuals living in their own here. Happened to a friend of mine.
NY Times needs to do an article on how elderly can safeguard themselves and their assets. This, and the previous article about Guardianship plots are chilling.
What are the best defenses? We need to know for our loved ones and for ourselves before we get into these situations or our mental faculties fade.
Can aides be reported and threatened with the criminal offense of elder abuse. But that of course doesn’t help get an aide to work for you. Putting them in your will doesn’t exactly give them an incentive to help you live longer either.
Can you just lie to the aide and say you have given power of attorney to a relative? Or lie and say you will put them in your will, making sure if they bring a lawyer to write said will that you immediately call your own lawyer and update your will so that it makes the one you signed with the aide invalid. Also make a written statement that you were coerced into signing the aide-approved will.
Maybe one can add a codicil to a will saying that any and all gifts to caregivers are to be deemed invalid in some way?
If one has genuine heirs then possibly they should be enlisted in the battle to safeguard their inheritance.
On the other hand if you do not have heirs you are fond of, leaving your estate to someone who cares for you in your final days may be genuinely appealing?
9
@ann I am not elderly but I had a similar experience with aides provided by Worker's Comp after I was laid up after an on the job accident. The aides would come and do the minimum required housework, making beds, etc. for an hour, then either suggest they took me shopping which was OK as I could not drive a car, or say they had to run an errand - would I sign their time sheet. They were supposed to do 4 hours twice weekly, but rarely stayed more than 2, including the shopping. I was asked by each to sign the paper to say they had put in 4 hours, and was told that I had to do this even if they had been there lass than 4. Reporting them to the worker's comp representative simply meant I got a different one each time.
41
@ann My own experiences with aides for an elderly relative is similar. Many aides quit when they realized my relative had a someone watching over their finances and assets. The work wasn't even heavy or stressful (mostly just to watch her and help her move around when necessary). I understand they don't get paid much after the agency takes their cut, but it's pretty bad if they're doing the job because they think they're going to make money by fleecing their elderly charges. People should remember that there are many aides out there (some good ones) and you do have the right to complain and fire ones that don't do what they're being paid to do. If you have a good reason for terminating an aide, the (good) agencies won't blacklist you. Agencies don't (shouldn't) advocate bad behavior by aides either.
59
Thank you.
What an incredible story of deceit and old style robbery. And very well written.
I am glad that this Mr. Needleman did not meet that baseball bat?
He had been hit hard enough.
I wish I could say I have sympathy for him or that Mr. Silver in Florida.
What were they thinking ??
34
What were they thinking? They were lonely and scared of age of and dying with no one to comfort them or love them. They had lived long enough that they had faith in their own ability to judge motives. Along comes someone who makes them feel happy to be alive....
29
@NeilJudge not until you have walked in a man's moccassins for a mile. Alright? Long hours of loneliness? Fear of dying alone?
5
@May These men could easily find a companion their own age. Or did they think that a young, pretty woman would be interested in them for anything other than their money ?
Mr. Needleman clearly has significant resources if he could give away ~$2 million and not be completely destitute now.
I wish that when people like him are asked for money by mysterious strangers that they would think of the many worthy charities they could give to instead.
There's no cure yet for breast cancer and Alzheimers. Alleviating poverty, supporting arts, education, and public libraries are all worthy. And, by the way, there are ways to verify the integrity of charitable organizations.
160
@Michael Wealthy elderly people are actually the most charitable demographic and give very generously to all these causes. And they leave planned gifts as well.
9
@Michael I would like to know whether Mr. Needleman is a veteran. He was subject to the draft in his day. If he never performed any military service, has he served in some other way the country that made him rich? What sacrifice has he made that might justify his wealth? We have responsibilities along with our rights and opportunities.
I hope that "Sylvia Anderson" and her friends were the only parasites in this story.
Let's face it, male or female, just about no one is physically attracted to someone decades older than they are. Any involvement is based on a wish to separate the elderly person from his/her money.
213
@Margaret Brown
French President Macron would disagree with you.
2
@Margaret Brown
My mother (a widow, but not elderly) has for the past year been seeing a man who is just a few years older than myself. Like many here, I was initially suspicious of his intentions. But after meeting him and getting to know him, I am grateful that my mother has found someone that she is attracted to who can appreciate her intelligence and independence and actually keep up with her (well, almost). Her experience may not be representative of most folks in her situation, but I am not sure Mr. Needleman's is either. While aging can result in declines in cognitive function, many older people remain perfectly capable of making their own decisions. Personally, I hope that as I age love remains a bit more interesting and complex than some combination of money and physical attraction.
Interesting story and well written. But I don't feel sorry for Mr. Needleman at all. He got what he paid for--a bit of excitement and drama.
68
I haven't been able to get past the second marriage. It's for that reason I can't fully excuse Mr. Needleman, though I find him to be a likeable character. As the district attorney points out, the second marriage is also what legally sinks any action he or the state might have taken.
It is indeed confounding that a man of such intelligence and culture, a contemporary successful man living the twilight of his life, should not only get scammed but should willingly fork over such great amounts of cash. Yet it speaks to the power of the heart, the need for companionship, the terror of loneliness and the depths of chicanery and deceit.
What an ancient tale this is, repeated generationally. What a cast of characters: the wealthy elderly man, the young opportunistic vixen, the other man, the other-other man, the innocent victim who turns out may be a criminal in his own right. The attempted murder incident guarantees this story finds its way to the screen one day. The child pornography charge is a story unto itself. Investigators will certainly determine exactly when those images were downloaded on Mr. Chaoul's computer. I suspect this is not a newfound sudden sexual deviation, as the defense contends. It never is.
Another thought is, if Ms. Anderson has absconded with the amounts alleged in the article, she should be neatly set for life, somewhere in the $3 milion plus range. I can understand why she left the furniture.
106
@Martin X
Because Mr. Needleman had lost his marbles, but there was no one on this planet protecting him.
It is hard to feel too bad for Mr. Needleman, who still has enough to live out his days in comfort. There are people like him, though (as in the former 10 year old above) who end up in ruins.
Not sure what the answer is.
8
Half of all individuals over age 85 in the US have some degree of cognitive impairment, making them extremely susceptible to scams and other forms of financial exploitation. Mr Needleman - and anyone in their mid-80s or older - needs to have his cognition tested—particularly executive cognitive function. If even slightly impaired, he and others similarly affected need to take steps to ensure their financial protection. For example, requiring a co-signature by a close friend or relative for checks over a certain amount. A big problem is that relatives are frequently the perpetrators of financial exploitation of the elderly. People turning 65 be warned. Enact protections now in the event you become impaired. A NYT article on this topic would be very helpful.
133
@J O'Kelly. Yes, exactly. The germ of this sad disaster is that at 60, many people refuse to acknowledge they are better mentally than they will ever be again. That's when they need to cast a cold eye on the future and make a plan to restrict/protect themselves from their future selves. I wish retirement advice columns would light up this dark side of early retirement. You can't wait until you need a plan to make the plan.
5
I have a 93-year-old friend who has spent much of her life without a romantic relationship, and yet she is happy. Her contemporary friends are dying off, but she cultivates new people. She goes out when she can, reads a lot, watches good movies at home, and maintains a lively interest in the arts, history, and current events. People young enough to be her kids like to spend time with her. Yet Mr. Needleman wouldn't be interested in someone like her--nor she in someone like him.
335
I think women age better than men. We are naturally social creatures. But, Needleman had friends, which warned him, he chose not to listen.
13
@Sidewalk Sam
Well, to be fair to your friend, why should she have to suffer fools at 93?
3
@Sidewalk Sam Hey Sam, sounds like your friend doesn't know what they are missing so how could they miss it? The problem is missing a rich and meaningful relationship that is now gone and the person tries to replace it in a rushed manner if the chance comes up.
I'm having a sense of deja vu. Didn't the NY Times recently recount a story of an elderly woman who came to know a young waitress who became her best friend, only to steal all her money? Does anyone else remember this story and see a thread, here? Clearly our country's elderly citizens are lonely and willing to take drastic measures to deal with the pain and fear of living--and dying--alone. In England, they now have a campaign against loneliness which targets the elderly; perhaps we should have something similar in the United States?
279
@vmuw - I remember that story. The widow lost her house and quite a bit of money. Just goes to show that lonely people are desperate for human connection. However, the widow's son lived in NYC too, I'm not sure what happened there.
12
This almost happened to my father, but when we children insisted the fiancée sign a prenup, she departed, never to be heard from again and breaking my father's heart. Like another comment mentioning a son who apparently did or couldn't do anything, let's have information about how to protect our elders. Frankly, I worry about my own assets as I age, and wonder how best to prevent someone, possibly a hired caretaker, taking advantage of me.
59
@vmuw The Times, more and more is writing about this kind of stuff! As a long time reader I believe the paper is becoming, in these kind of ways, competition for the supermarket tabloids!
2
The tragic story of a desperately lonely man with an extremely kind heart. I would be loath to judge him.
123
Kind heart? He’s the king of denial. Hard to believe anyone would be stupid enough to allow themselves to be scammed repeatedly and so obviously.
12
@Vik Nathan. The tragedy is the innocent young man whose head was bashed in. Mr. Needleman's story is sad, but after all the money he was scammed out of, he still seems to be able to live comfortably.
1
Adopt a dog [from animal shelter] - loyal and true - best advice that I’ve ever received.
519
@Dave rideout For elderly people, it might be too much of a burden, especially the bending down to pick up after them when they relieve themselves. And what if you can't walk too well? Dogs are high maintenance and can be exhausting, especially if you are in your 80s and 90s.
14
@vmuw dog walkers are reasonable...for the elderly on a fixed income, get a cat.
1
@Dave rideout Or a cat.Cats are just as loving as dogs and love their hooman completely.
There are self cleaning and do not need to be walked; but they need social affection from their hooman, food and water, and sometime a good brushing.
Plus they are portable weighing only at the most 15 lbs. assuming they are not overfed and exercised by playing games, etc. They can also be trained.
I had the pleasure of being adopted by a family of a cat and her three kittens, 18 years ago. I was unwilling to have them all, but my other insisted that since there were used to me feeding them outside, they will never be with another human. That was one fo the best decisions , I have ever made.
They were very gentle, with my elderly mother who was fighting Parkinson's and guarded her from strangers coming into the house such as the cable guy, etc.
They learned all the doggie commands plus more. They stayed out the way of my mother's wheelchair when it was in motion, always walking being not ahead. They waited patients at the bottom of the stairs while I too my mother up in a chiarlift and again transferred her into her wheelchair. After I would start taking her to her room, would they run up!
The last one, my boy Muffy died two years after my mother passed away.
10
And Needleman thought SHE was naive. That's what loneliness can do. Very sad and terrible story.
398
Can’t blame the guy too much, he was scammed by a pro.
7
I certainly hope that Mr. Needleman gets that divorce quickly.
In the event he dies, I wonder if NY law would kick in - making that crook eligible for a percentage of his wealth no matter what his will says. After all, they are still legally married.
67
This is a sad story, especially for the aspiring doctor, Charbel Chaoul. It's also wrong that Mr. Needleman has so much money and yet so much loneliness at the end of his life. You can't buy a good death.
90
Except that aspiring doctor had a computer cache of child pornography..
1
@Laura Pallandre And as a doctor myself, I feel sorriest for the abused children who were forced by depraved adults to participate in pornography, and to have that depravity witnessed and shared by sick pedophiles such as Mr Chaoul. They are truly the victims in this story.
4
Comic tragedy, disturbing comedy... the human condition spawns endless tales of hilarious human doom. Where is our modern Shakespeare when we need him/her?
19
@Margie Moore...Money is the main substance in this story and many of our lives as well. New York City has many senior citizen centers for anyone who is lonely. There are daily lunches, art classes, going on cultural trips, playing cards, chess, etc. This is a true community with friends.
33
Mr. Needleman, you made a mistake that many before you have made as well. Please move on if you can. And please get rid of that horrible furniture! Sometimes an empty space is lovelier than a piece of ugly furniture. My heart goes out to you.
226
@Suzanne Wheat Especially ugly furniture with bad memories.
3
I'm confused. What was the motive for attacking Mr. Chaoul?
4
@Susie Carter Mistaken identity because he backed out of the other side of a shared driveway when he was leaving for doughnuts--they were spying on the other house at the time.
17
@Susie Carter, I think that the men with the bats confused him for the other guy. They lived near each other.
@Susie Carter The ex-husband and the son mistook Mr. Chaoul for the boyfriend because Mr. Chaoul and the boyfriend lived next door to each other and shared a driveway. So when Mr. Chaoul pulled out of the driveway, the ex and the son mistook him for the boyfriend.
10
Mr Needleman needs to ask his friends from the park if they know any nice women he might meet, eg, widows of friends, people from church/temple/clubs/groups, cousins, former coworkers, sisters, sisters-in-law, etc.
96
@Talbot, If I were those friends I would never introduce any woman whom I liked and respected to that fool.
51
In my experience with men in my own family... it is amazing how many of my single uncles and cousins over the age of 60 feel they can only love women half their ages. Upon being introduced to age appropriate, decent and kind women they loudly scream “she’s too old”.
It is better to be a old woman’s sweetheart than a young woman’s fool!
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@Moochi
Agree wholeheartedly- there are even enough NY men in their early forties who believe women in their 30s are "too old" - we see this dating/marriage gap so often in New York, because many men equate a youthful age as one of the highest values in courtship (and marks of male pride) while women will have already heard at some point in her 30s that she is "past your prime" "dried up" and a "cougar". Everyone gets what they signed up for.
3
The art of the con. Mind boggling how so many people are vulnerable to slick lies and promises. Just look at the White House for proof.
251
@katberd
Which resident were you referring to? I think your comment might apply to either.
3
I have often been alone, and lonely, for significant portions of my life - and during times when one should not be (e.g. parts of my twenties and forties). I have gotten pretty good at it by necessity, although I would not say it's a fun skill to develop. However, I'm glad that I am comfortable enough with being alone, and lonely, that I am 100 per cent confident I'll never get played like this. I really feel for this guy, and I know the depths of loneliness all too well, but damn, a third dowry? A second marriage?
397
@ChuckyBrown I've been alone for most of my adult life, too. Be confident that you won't get played like Mr. Needleman, but not 100% confident.
If you're 100% confident, then you might let your guard down. Everyone gets really vulnerable at least once in their life, and that's when the liars and thieves show up (usually after watching an area to find victims).
I've been conned too. That's why I usually donate 10% of my income per month to a church that helps people with real needs, so I'll be less susceptible to pan handlers and con artists.
I hope Anderson (I refuse to call her Ms.) and Geno are in prison.
2
@ChuckyBrown Anyone who is completely confident they will not be a victim of a scam has a target painted on their forehead. Your "wisdom" will deceive you. And being alone when young is worlds different from being lonely when old. Being alone with the understanding that it could be removed at any time is very different from being alone and having little to no hope for something better. That kind of despair leads to the unfortunate choices in the article.
3
It happens to women too.
Last year in Delray Beach I was hit on by many handsome young men in their 20s. I was 66.
363
@Livi Slavin- Ooh good point. I am early 40’s and one thing that has always helped me avoid con men is that, one) I am not desperately lonely needing validation, even when alone, and two) I have an honest evaluation of myself and know what kind of man could or would be attracted to me. This isn’t about low self-esteem, it is about being realistic. Also, I have never been impressed with flash and cash so those tricks don’t work on me. I have never nor would ever look to a man to take care of me.
44
@Livi Slavin
Terry McMillan. A smart, attractive woman who fell for a young gay conman.
6
I, too, was relentlessly pursued on a dating site by men who were decades younger than me. I think what attracts them is the assumption that we won’t want to trap them in a permanent relationship, nor will we get pregnant. One of them wanted me to foot the bill to go on vacation together. I cancelled my account after two days on the site. And took a long shower.
14
Wish we knew whether the "19-year-old son" was actually her son or just a boy toy.
I am watching a neighbor do this (though in a much less nasty way) for the second time. Met her in the middle of the first instance. His kids despised her and did all sorts of terrible things to her. Thought they were the evil ones and stupidly sympathized with her. Now that he's gone and she's moved in on her next mark, I realize I was mistaken. The new mark is too muddled mentally to realize his problem, it seems (and I suspect the previous one was also). And it seems that men like Needleman want to believe that such attention gives them value, and that makes me sad.
58
@Sue: The article makes it clear.
2
And what if anything in the justice 'area' is happening to Ms. Anderson? Charges? Anyone? Or she already in another state running her scam?
No wonder average people are disgusted with the judicial system in America today. No credible response from law enforcement in such blatant cases (come on, at least pull her in for an interview)
and yet law enforcement is seen making quick decisions in which people are shot and killed.
Yes, yes - But it SEEMS that the law is inefficient and unequally applied and that appearance rubs us the wrong way. It's frustrating. Hope Mr. Needleman has a very quiet and safe rest of his life.
36
@Elizabeth
As the District Attorney points out, Mr. Needleman's second marriage to Ms. Anderson sinks any hope for successful action/claim by Mr. Needleman or the State. What charges can be brought? Any money he gave her he gave voluntarily. She is his wife. She has many rights as his wife.
21
At least Mr. Silver had a son who could intervene and not only protect his father, but preserve funds that may be needed down the road for assisted living. Poor Mr. Needleman only had his pals from Central Park, no children and apparently no nieces or nephews. Pursuing Ms. Anderson (yeah, right) will be like nailing jello to the wall. The money is long gone.
Unfortunately, love is blind and as grifters know, a fool and his money are easily parted. On the plus side, I get the feeling that Silverman wasn’t wiped out. She could have done even more damage as his wife, but she was too unfamiliar with spousal rights to do it.
The only one I really feel sorry for is the poor man who got slammed with a baseball bat for exiting on the wrong side of a shared driveway. His dreams of becoming a doctor are shattered.
784
@Bathsheba Robie Not to mention likely being labeled a sex offender for life. Who knows how much time in prison?
Women like Ms Anderson churn through lives like F5 tornadoes, and often without being held accountable. Sad.
9
@Bathsheba Robie
Even if Mr. Needleman had children, there is no certainty they would have been able to do anything. Unless a senior is cognitively impaired enough that a doctor will swear to it, he is considered of sound mind and able to make his own decisions. A judge will not rule him incompetent and name a guardian without a diagnosis. I have seen this happen with elderly women being scammed, whose children wanted to step in but the women weren't demented enough for a court order, so they were able to continue making foolish decisions until they ran out of money. Mr. Needleman got off lucky. My great-aunt ended up in a nursing home after her much younger beau blew through her life's savings and dumped her when she became ill.
11
Wait, who is Mr Silverman?
A composite of Mrs. Silver and Needleman, perhaps?
1
Unfortunately, many men are prey through a common flaw: the firm belief that a much younger partner finds them romantically attractive.
In Mr. Needleman's community, there are likely many attractive, moral women who possess their own resources with whom he could share romance and genuine friendship.
298
Sexual predators come in all flavors.....
32
I think we've all seen stories like this our whole lives. They are pitiful, heartbreaking, criminal, and make us angry. And 100, 200, 300 years from now-- these stories will still be happening, right?
19
If we survive the trump catastrophe that now envelopes us...
12
This story would be almost comical if it weren't so tragic. How powerful is loneliness and need for love that the money earned over a lifetime and the memory of a deep and constant love is powerless to resist a sob story from a pretty face. Ms. Anderson takes the infamous reputation of the Roma to a new low. And Mr. Needleman, like a Woody Allen character, takes neediness and selfishness to a lower low. Didn't he have any relatives to give his money to? A random woman on the street? Really? I guess the streets of New York really are paved with gold and fool's gold!
85
The potential gullibility of we males in the presence of an attractive woman - a younger one, yet! - obviously has no limits.
I'm sorry for Mr. Needleman that he was lied to and swindled. On the other hand, anyone who hands out multiple $60,000 payments to the offspring of someone he barely knows must have a lot more money than common sense.
468
@Ambient Kestrel One would think he would get suspicious after none of the payment for the first dowry was returned.
14
@JsBx It doesn't work that way. Once you're involved in the con (i.e., in deep) you keep looking for signs to VALIDATE your situation, not discredit the perpetrator. It becomes almost self-perpetuating, even though the victim knows it's happening.
1
@Ambient Kestrel
Why assume the man is of sound mind? More than loneliness is at play here, such as the beginnings of dementia.
3
I'm only 71 and suspicious when my 69 year-old wife says she thinks I'm attractive. Jerry seems a bit less circumspect.
844
Believe your wife, and be grateful that she’s not saying it to anyone else.
17
@Barking Doggerel
Ah, you lucky man! (And with a sense of humor, yet). Seen through a long-love's eyes, believe her.
18
“Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me!”
A sad story, but reflective of self delusion.
73
@Stephanie Bradley Right. For some, the man in any situation is always the villain, always the one to blame.
1
OMG! What a story! Glad he made it out in one piece!
20
The kid next door didn’t......
12
Wow! What a story. I feared my dad getting into a similar arrangement when he was a 72 yr old divorced man living in Miami. He came back to New York with a 30 yr old woman that he had met ‘in a coffee shop’ and I just knew he’d end up broke and/or in a bodybag somewhere. 10 years later they are still together and while he does support her I don’t think she’s stolen anything from him and they actually seem quite happy together. Go figure - I guess you never know.
In any event I wish Mr. Needleman luck. No one deserves to be taken advantage of like that. And good luck also to the poor chap that had his head bashed in.
163
@Jake Ask Dad whether he has left anything to his coffee shop squeeze.
2
Conduct an audit and come back with your results.
1
@Jake - Finally- a voice I can relate to! I'm "older"; my wife of 20 years is "much younger". Much. When my first wife of 24 years bailed, I looked for a new partner "my own age" - for 4 years, internet and all- and could not find one interested in my very odd, non-portable, and active life. I did find quite a few much younger women who were not put off by the age difference; eventually I saw they usually had 2 things in common. Those interested in an older man tended to be VERY very intelligent- so much as to terrify guys their own age; and; they had been abused; in any way you can name. Younger guys had trouble comprehending it all.
So, all you folks so very sure no younger woman could want anything from an older man but money - think a little harder, and a little more kindly.
3
Incredible story, and very well written. As our society ages, we may see more of this. Lonely elderly people are such easy targets for scam artists. I think I'm going to take off from work today and go have lunch with my mother.
152
This is a very sad case of financial abuse of a diminished senior. It would be help readers if the Times had edited this story to get to the point alot sooner. It shows the vulnerability of wealthy people with no family.
24
Mr. Chaoul seems to be the real tragic victim here.
335
This is often what #metoo looks like for men.
If we want to address sex and the abuse of power everywhere, we need to look at the different ways it tends to unfold for men.
53
@K: No, this is not what #metoo looks like for men.
#metoo is a reference to how often women are sexually harassed or the victims of sexual violence throughout their lives.
This has nothing to do with that.
26
@K
I disagree, someone jujitsu'd her way out of a situation where the man had more power because of his money, gender and skin color. He wasn't powerless, just duped.
3
Good point!
2
When will men learn? That is, old old men with lots of money and an attractive young woman who is irrestibably drawn to them, or perchance their bank accounts...
124
@farhorizons
Hence the old saw that there's no fool like an old fool, who will trade everything he, or she, has for companionship and a chance to feel young again. It's human nature, and the con artists know that.
We shouldn't be too free with our scorn for "old fools", though, lest we become old and lonely. Sure, he was a fool, and sure, there should be laws to put women like Ms. Anderson in jail, but in the meantime, consider John Prine's suggestion:
"So if you're walking down the street some day,
And spot some hollow ancient eyes,
Please don't just pass 'em by and stare,
As if you didn't care,
Say 'Hello in there, hello'".
11
@farhorizons Oder women fall for this scam about as often as older men do. As I've gotten older (I'm 68) I've developed a rule. Never date anyone as young as your children or as old as your parents! It will never end well.
18
Decline in executive function renders the elderly vulnerable to designing persons. The cops should prosecute and whether a jury convicts or not shouldn’t be relevant. Just do the right thing; prosecute.
86
@Ed Latimer, Cops don't prosecute, district attorneys do. And what exactly would the charge be? Receiving gifts from her husband? Of course what she did was wrong, wrong, wrong but technically it wasn't illegal.
17
@Ed Latimer
I agree! She still defrauded him, regardless of marital status, etc. Let a jury hear the case.
Yes, Mr. Needleman was his own worst enemy. Aren't we all? When all's said and done, I actually admire his courage and optimism.
9
I read this story when I woke up this morning. Its disturbing on so many levels that there is not enough space to even list them all. I hope other commenters will be generous and kind.
Mr. Needleman; You have probably many stories to tell in your life but this, even not knowing you myself, this is THE story of your life. So you lost something, sometimes it means that you really learned something that is way above and beyond all that was taken from you. Many people will say, oh, all that money! I see it more in the personal price you have paid emotionally. There is nourishment here and food for thought until the end of your days.
My father just came to visit me here and is 92. Really sharp and fit and dapper. But he couldn't hide his fear or his fragile inner being from my eyes. I grew up with this man and I hope we have a few years more of love to share and that I can bring him even more joy in his life. It is your trust which is shattered. Belief in yourself and your judgement and those are hard things to repair now.
I wish you a good soul to match your own. Someone looking out for you and doing for you and giving themselves as you had wanted. I wish for you peace and joy in just the simple things life has to offer one for free. My you have many more years to really enjoy your life.
Justice will be served. If not here on earth than up above. I get a black feeling when I read such stories. Actions speak louder than words. Watch the actions more!
94
@C T
This is beautiful. I hope Mr. Needleman is able to take some comfort from it.
10
@C Admirable and good sentiments, yes, but Justice will
not be served. Like many other terrible injustices, there
will never be a reckoning where things are put right, that is purely wishful thinking. I've also been scammed (no age difference).
1
Two years ago, I was in a deli near the St. George Theater in Staten Island eating a sandwich with my friend before we went to a show. I was 60 and my friend about 55. We talked with a woman seated near us who was also going to the show. We exchanged business cards and I said I hope she wouldn't mind if I called to go out on a date.
My friend said she seemed a little too enthusiastic and a little too well put together. He thought she was at least 5, maybe 10 years older, than she looked.
I googled her before I called. I also put her name and the address on the business card through the "free security screener" that comes up nearly every time you search a name -- it's free to see the broad results, about $25+ to see the details.
I didn't need to see the details. Nearly every time I put a name in, I get a response in less than 5 minutes. The security screener took over an hour. Broadly, it told me the woman had over 20+ different aliases and had been in and our of civil and criminal court for decades on end.
I never called.
447
@BigGuy: you have performed a public service with this post. Send it to all your friends via whatever form will get their attention - snail mail, phone, email, FB, etc. Disseminate it to community bulletins, senior centers, churches, synagogues. Women and men alike should know exactly how to find out if a potential suitor's background checks out. Young people can do this in various ways. The elders among us don't always know about the latest technology or other ways to protect themselves.
3
@BigGuy.
Good for you!
1
An 84 year old man buys the gratitude of a 38 year old woman and fantasizes that that it might transform into affection or love or some kind of honest relationship. She takes him to the cleaners. It’s one of the oldest stories in the book.
834
@Paul
Yes, and both genders do it. I've seen it happen to elderly widows (my great aunt was one) who get seduced by men decades younger. The story will be different -- often needing money "to start a business" that doesn't pan out -- but the result will be the same. And if they're really vile, some of them do away with the women when they're done. Deaths in the elderly are not always investigated thoroughly.
10
Wow, Paul, you have such rare insight. But today, in the U.S. we decide things by statute criminal law, civil law and common law, not by fables.
1
Sad commentary on older people's lives. Could even be the basis for a Coen brothers movie.
56
@Into the Cool
Or better, I think, as another commenter alluded: a Woody Allen movie. "The heart wants what the heart wants."
3
@dwalker
Naaah. Woody's box office poison now.
The real culprit in this tale is the loneliness of the elderly. Older people in our privatized world are left with little company, and lonely people are intensely susceptible to this kind of attack. Loneliness is a great warper of perception, twister of judgement, and destroyer of discrimination. The elders in primitive societies are in many ways still connected with the tribe - and valued for wisdom and totemic importance. But age in our youth obsessed world is put as far out of sight as possible. This is another problem of the single family unit as the basis for society. All you have is your family. And if your family is passed on or unable to be with you, you are in trouble.
528
@Mr. Little
Loneliness? Puhleeze. You think this guy couldn't have found 100 nice little old 65 year-old widows to hang out with, right in his neighborhood? No, this was lechery. Of the stupid variety.
497
@Mr. Little
"age in our youth obsessed world is put as far out of sight as possible."
Um...who in this story was obsessed with youth...?
10
@MadelineConant
Mr. Needleman was 84 when he met Ms. Anderson. A 65 year old women would still be considerably younger than he was!
1
Know what? There were probably a thousand kind, moral, attractive, well-read widows in Mr. Needleman’s community, with whom he could of shared romance and friendship. This could have mitigated his loneliness and vulnerability. Hope he finds one.
825
Age-appropriateness is a good filter. Be suspect of women who could be your daughter or granddaughter, especially if their wealth and education is not close. Never pass on money you would regret losing. Consider gifts of money a non-deductible charity donation if the story of woe moves you, but keep the amount low. Refer to social organizations and donate to them.
458
@KC Right, but they weren't 38 years old.
Why do so many men feel entitled to women young enough to be their daughters? In this case, granddaughter?
124
@KC.
Unfortunately, many men do not want to meet kind, moral, attractive well read women in their age group. I think this is less a story of this gentleman's loneliness and more the story of elderly men wanting women half their age . Women are lonely as well and yes women do get scammed, but it is still a rare story that an 84 year old woman picks up a 38 year old on the street. The latest study of the dating sites bears this out.
151
This story demonstrates how loneliness can impair good judgment. It's something that society needs to address as the population ages or else stories, like Needleman's, will become more commonplace.
181
The story of the woman who needed a Cadillac Escalade to move her stuff to Florida is absolutely hilarious. You can't make this up. Why do people fall for these hucksters?
480
@poets corner Because they are lonely...
13
@Ademario
More importantly they are alone and vulnerable. A widow I know asked to send money to a man she recently met...my antennae went up and so did the bells and whistles. she said she needed
$5,000 to wire to him to fix his car. Long story short confirmed the man was a huckster had 2 aliases and was from Ghana and told her not to send the money. She didn't. She was devastated to hear that she had been scammed. More ashamed really. I comforted her and told her this happens all the time and not to feel bad. I truly sympethise with the elderly.
@Ademario Also, she was decades younger.
1
This is an all too common story. It happened (on a smaller scale) to my father as well.
Sadly, no amount of logic or common sense evidence can penetrate the mind of a lonely and prideful man.
If someone you love is in a similar situation look into getting a private investigator involved.
In some cases bank and internet fraud laws are involved.
These monsters usually have a history of others they've victimized in the past, and often more than one current target. Exposing these connections can help open a victims eyes and may scare off the scammer if they believe other prey they are cultivating could be alerted.
306
Yep there is no talking to them. Gift a million dollars to a semi literate schemer and leave your own children nothing. Old story.
24
@Dixie Read the article. He had no children.
Superb writing and reporting; funny,too, in a tragic sort of way.
73
Thanks NYT for this story, and to Mr Needleman's life for telling it.
87
President Reagan said it best:
Trust...but verify!
Mr. Needleman is an attractive man. With all of his money, he will be a chic magnet for the rest of his life. I wish him well. He has a wonderful and generous heart. And he can also afford a background check on any future lady love. Especially the broke and desperate ones.
293
@Terry
Somehow I doubt that she was ever broke and desperate, just an amoral con artist.
32
Chick magnet.
17
@Terry
Trust - firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
"Trust...but verify!"
A ludicrous statement by Reagan. Because if you say you trust someone, but have to verify whether or not they can be trusted, then you don't trust them.
3