L.G.B.T. Couples on Holding Hands in Public for the Very First Time

I live in Beijing China where the local culture is not very open towards L.G.B.T community. I am basically staying in the closet. Last July, when i am having my US visa interview in the US Beijing Embassy with my boyfriend, i told the visa officer, who is an American, that i was travelling with my boyfriend. And the officer just gave me the very supportive nod and understanding smile. i was sure that my honesty improved my chance of getting the US visa. It felt so great to tell a complete stranger about my true identity without any fear or guilt, and it just made me feel like i was like everyone else.

The number of times rude comments are spoken have lessened due to the growth in tolerance for L.G.B.T.Q couples. But there are still many negative homophobic people out there who overpower the people who support it. "Being openly gay or queer" is still not safe or accepted in some places which puts pressure on them. Being able to hold hands in public without somebody making a rude remark, is a big milestone for the L.G.B.T.Q community. Homosexuality, being gay and changing genders are never talked about or mentioned in front of kids. Instead of teaching children that loving anybody no matter gender or race is okay, kids are only told from one perspective. According to the article "L.G.B.T. Couples on Holding Hands in Public for the Very First Time", Once gay marriage was legalized, people were a lot more open about their homophobia so gays had to tone public affection down even further. As much as L.G.B.T.Q rights have progressed in the past decades, homophobia still remains. Innocent actions of holding hands, kissing a lover or saying goodbye are the pressures that gays are forced with. It's perfectly normal to see two men or two women walking down the street holding hands or closely embracing. In the US, such an act would be perceived as gay. L.G.B.T.Q couples have to be cautious of their actions because the outside world doesn't approve it. That's pretty sad to see that people who are deeply in love cannot express their feelings like the rest of society.

It would be fascinating to see if there is any difference by age. I note all the comments are young adults. Would it be different if they were like me in their 70s? I also have noted my BF who is from Asia is less willing than North Americans to hold hands in public.

It was in Paris (Paris!) a week or so after September 11, 2001, and we were walking in the Marais, when my boyfriend took my hand and wow, how sweet and such a feeling of freedom, just to be! I remember that sweet stroll and evening like no other, despite the horrible calamities going on around us. Today, we still reside in Texas. And although we were married by a Justice of the Peace last June in Marfa, before friends and family and, as the Judge said, with all of the blessings of the Great State of Texas, just last year, we have never held hands in public in Texas. Perhaps its time we did.

Reactions that range from blase, to discomfort, and even violence suggests it has way more to do with how people negotiate and make sense of their own sexuality than what LGBT+ couples do in public. It amazing me that any reasonable person thinks that oppression and ridicule is a reasonable reaction to their discomfort. If same-sex couples holding hands 'makes you sick', then the extent of your desires are likely not known to you consciously. Reactive people choose to externalize what they can't deal with internally and we are certainly in a cultural moment where everyone would benefit from from internal reflection and consideration before externalizing their anxieties and hate.

Couple holding hands have always held a special place for me. As a child (1950’s) my youngest sister and I would meet my father at the train after his work. An older white-haired man wearing a beret was waiting also. Every day he would quietly take the hand of white-haired women and walk away. Their hands held tightly. No one seemed to notice or care. Over the decades I have seen couples around the world hold hands. No one seemed to notice or care. To this day, couples holding hands hold remind me of how, in a tumultuous world, a simple gesture nurtures and protects through a lifetime. If there are reasons to be upset about our world, I find it hard to imagine how holding hands would be on the list.

Every time I see a couple holing hands in public it makes me smile. Two individuals sharing experiences in life and bringing happiness to each other. There is nothing wrong with that.

I moved to San Francisco in early 1991 at the age of 27. Until then, living in the southwest and the midwest, I had only ever been open about my sexuality in "safe" settings. When I did try to show affection towards another man in a somewhat open setting, I've had people yell "Faggots" at us. I've had them spit on us. I've had them throw things at us. Moving to SF was like a second coming out. It was the first place I could breathe and be myself. Shortly after moving here, my brother said to me, "You only moved there because of the whole gay thing". I told him I moved here because being gay was not an issue. I could be myself anywhere in the city and nobody cared. I'm just talking about what straight folks take for granted every day...holding hands, hugging, a peck on the cheek...being openly in love with the person you care about. I'm still here and never take what I have for granted.

No body really cares. LGBT's are routine now. They are not trendy any longer. They appear more as attention seekers and desirous of special notice. They should act as anyone else and be discreet about public affection. Some people find them offensive. I personally feel that the vast majority of them do not have kids or participate in raising kids. So they are not contributory in that manner to the country. All of their income goes to themselves. No worries about college, children's weddings, cars, health care, etc. Prefer if they blend into society and not brag about hypersexuality and freeloading.

Amherst, MA, 1989. I had my first girlfriend in college and we used to have meals together in the dining commons. We held hands under the table--or just put a hand on each other's lap and from that small surreptitious act, I'd feel this hot rush in me that was so intense, I'd gasp. The slightest touch between us in public caused that heat: our upper thighs, when we sat together on the bus; walking close together so that our arms bumped as we swung them--and when our arms touched, leaning into it for a moment, before moving apart again and letting our arms swing away. She said that she didn't want people to "know" because of the way they'd look at us. I didn't agree but I acquiesced because I was addicted to her touch; I would've agreed to anything for fear of losing her. In the movie theater, after it darkened, we held hands, fingers entwined and when the lights came up, our fingers dis-entwined and we let go.

I remember the first time I held hands with a boyfriend in public -- at a lecture on solid waste treatment (!) at the Putney School in Putney, Vermont, where I was visiting my friend. (I was a few years older.) I think he's the one who reached out, actually; but once he took my hand, I was very content not to let go. :-) Last I knew he was heterosexually married and training to be an orthodox rabbi.

Not up to me to say, or do anything about it, but it makes me physically ill to observe this behavior.

My husband of 30 years and I do not feel comfortable displaying affection in public. Our ages (65 and 60) and upbringing in England and Colombia explain a lot but evenings we never miss holding hands (and a kiss good night) sitting on the couch in front of the TV.

My wife and I have been married for 38 years. I do not feel our marriage is in any way threatened by 2 men or 2 women also getting married, or holding hands in public. How can that threaten me in any way? Anyone who feels threatened by that must be pretty...pretty what? Afraid? Angry? Biased? Misled? Those are the gentler adjectives I can think of. I'd guess that God is delighted when 2 people love each other enough that they want to sanctify their love in a church--or legalize it at the courthouse--by getting married in front of friends, family and community.

My wife and I are very affectionate, always have been. It's comforting to hold hands but also nerve-wracking. Though we live in a supportive city, that doesn't stop some from making rude faces or comments. I want to stand proud, not care what they say, and hold hands anyway but then I worry - "what if someone does something?" I can't stand the thought of my wife getting hurt. We've been together 13 years and something as simple as holding hands is still a balancing act between love and fear.

Holding hands (for everyone) is ok. Brief hugs are ok. But beyond that, honestly, I wish everyone, straight or gay, would just refrain from public demonstrations of affection. Kiss your sweetie in private.

It is quite common in Asian and even European countries for young men and young women who are good friends to hold hands, and to touch each other's bodies. This is just treated as a gesture of friendship even in cultures that might be openly hostile to gay or lesbian relationships.

Here in the small towns of the midwest, one certainly never knows how tolerant people are, walking down the street. My now ex partner of 12 years was terrified of coming out, so we never were affectionate in any way in public, except when we took trips to Chicago, where we were anonymous. Then, but only at night, we'd walk down Michigan Avenue holding hands or with our arms around each other. Though we ultimately split up over her refusal to come out, I still remember the thrill of those moments, when we held hands, or each other, the same way straight couples do. It was positively exhilarating.

Four couples in their 20s and one in their 40s. The optics of this piece make it look like Stonewall never happened.

I will never forget the first time I kissed a man in public. I was 26, he was 23 and I had moved to NYC from Alabama to be with him. We had lunch together and he was going to class and I was going to work and he leaned in and kissed me by the newsstand on Christopher Street and 7th Avenue South. I had a panicked look on my face, he just smiled and walked away. sigh....

Miscellaneous observations from a straight person: In Europe, women walking down the street hold hands all the time. The first time I saw men (lots of them) holding hands on the street was in the Castro several decades ago. It was a shock. I thought, "Cool!" (or something similar). I have been watching on library DVDs "A Place to Call Home," a soap-opera-ish but well-done popular Australian TV series set in the 1950s in a town near Sydney. A subtheme of gay characters (male only, so far) facing bias from society and from their families runs throughout. In an episode in series 4 that I watched last night, two young men hold hands in the movies. I thought, "NO WAY." Not yet. I wanted them to stop it before they were beaten up. (Nobody noticed.) Things are getting better, as the anecdotes in this article demonstrate.

I first held hands in public on a street in Ermita, Manila. I remember distinctly because under the glow of sodium lights, my partner warned me to be careful in case anyone saw us. I have held hands and shown affection in public many times since then, with my husband who has always been liberal with such gestures. From Cape Town to Rio to Manila, we have been lucky not to have had issues with negative reactions. I am also blessed with the ability to ignore stares and other people around me as long as they are not a threat to my safety. I hope to continue to be able to do so in the future.

My husband of 30 years is from Thailand, a country where I have studied, visited and occasionally lived for the past 40 years. Interestingly, adult men and women rarely show overt affection to each other in public. But girls very often hold each others' hands and boys often walk together, arms over shoulders. So, two men walking with arms draped over each other wouldn't catch much attention here; two men holding hands, however, would probably be interpreted as a gay couple (though Thais are much less homophobic than Americans). My husband and I hold hands often in public, wherever we go, whether USA, Thailand or elsewhere in the world. We do it because we love the romance (still)! We also do it to "be the change that you wish to see in the world." [Ghandi] I've even invited straight male friends to hold hands with me in public -- a transformative experience for them, on several levels. I think it's important to normalize the sight of men showing affection to other men, whatever the relationship.

With all respect: When I played HS football in Florida in the 90's, on game nights we the players were ordered to march from fieldhouse to field in columns two abreast and holding hands. In hindsight it suggested to me that the coaches who came up in the 60s and 70s had a sense that holding hands could express sentiments like solidarity that since their time had faded from common knowledge. Is this a symbolism like the so-called "euphemism treadmill" that has to periodically swing between meanings?

Perhaps its a perquisite of old age, but my husband of 24 years and I, two gnarly old men, couldn't give less of a fig if we offend anyone by holding hands in public. We don't hold hands often because he tends to rabbit off down side aisles when we shop.(LOL - Mike, are you reading this?) However, when we do, there only rarely are nasty looks from straights. Most people couldn't care less - which demonstrates that in the long run, we have won. On those rare occasions when there does come a nasty look, I've been known to stick my tongue out. Maybe its second childhood overtaking me but I think that often the best weapon against prejudice is to make fun of it.

What a lovely idea for a piece! I'm 66, gay and out since college, I live in Boston in the first state to legalize gay marriage, and my head still snaps around when a young gay couple passes me holding hands - and inevitably they *are* young. Nobody says anything nasty but I still feel a shiver of fear for their safety. Decades of caution have left their mark on my soul; the acceleration of acceptance has been dizzying. And yet there are still places in America where a simple expression of tenderness between two men or two women can get you bashed, or worse. Love will win - it always does - but hate never gives up without a fight. I'm happy I live on the winning side.

I just edited my personal info so that says something about fear. My partner and I have been together more then 30 years...rarely ever feel safe holding hands in public except in a dark movie theater. We are even cautious about any public display of affection, it even makes me uncomfortable when heterosexual couples are so affectionate in public. I think it’s sad, but at the same time feel enormous gratitude at the longevity of our commitment to each other and the great deal of acceptance we have received. And that neither of us have been physically harmed.

I am straight. I have some friends who are gay. We each try to understand ourself(ves). It is impossible. We just do what we think is right and press on. Life goes on, within us and...

I do not understand why is it that these "LGBTQ" folks can't live their lives in peace and harmony with the rest of the population. Why is it so important for these folks to push their sexuality on the rest of the population. The majority of the heterosexual population does not go around telling the world that they are heterosexual. Why do the gays/lesbians find it compelling to push their ways onto the entire population: you, a gay etc. person want to hold hands in public, well then go ahead and do it. I am not bothered by it one iota and most others shouldn't be either. Anyone who is and does something contrary to civilized behavior will be dealt with by the police and courts. If I find a close relative or someone close considering this, -GB---, lifestyle I would recommend against it and offer examples from my years of experience working with "G" folks. However, to a stranger they can go and do whatever they like - just do not tell me how great it is to be LGBTQ.

What I liked best about reaching out for my boyfriend's hand in public for the first time was how unhesitatingly he accepted my hand. I still get emotional thinking about it.

Ironic that in places like Iran, men holding hands is not controversial at all. In fact, it's not uncommon among some segments of he society. It's because people do not assume it's sexual.

So grateful to live in the San Francisco Bay Area.

Courage is required of all of us, sooner or later, about something or someone. I applaud GLBTQ people who bravely bring our awareness to their relationship. (I'm not fond of anyone parading openly sexual bits in public). But holding hands is a wonderful way to maintain contact and allow others to accept them. Bravo.

I'm 52 now. It's so long ago I don't really remember. But even though it's 2018 now and we live in California, there are still situations where you just know, instinctively that it is not a good idea and its asking for trouble. Every gay man knows the code phrase 'Butch it up!' as a warning that a potentially threatening situation has been spotted and it's best not to be too obvious for the moment. I've known interracial couples who have similar experiences, but I think most straight people, certainly most straight guys, don't know what that's like.

As much as LGBTQ+ rights have advanced in the past decades, the fear (and often shame) is a persistent presence. It speaks volumes that even in the "progressive" West, the seemingly quotidian and innocent acts of holding hands, saying goodbye, or kissing a lover's cheek can feel like breaking an unwritten law. It requires extreme courage to transgress. Interestingly enough, the first time I held another man's hand was not in the US but in the crowded and winding streets of the Marrakech medina. Fresh out of high school, and just days after coming out to my conservative parents, I wanted a physical act of queerness to consummate my new liberty. While same-sex relations in Morocco are criminally prohibited, definitions of gender and masculinity there allow a degree of subtle expression. It's perfectly normal to see two men walking down the street holding hands or closely embracing. In the US, such an act would be perceived as gay, as our male-to-male relations are regulated to wide swaths of personal space. Yet, in a country where it is still illegal to have gay sex, I found myself comfortable to hold another man's hand without anyone suspecting or knowing that he was my lover. The feeling of freedom was astonishing, albeit with caveats. After a night spent together, I remember that we bathed in the same lavender soap. As we headed out to the streets, hand in hand, the smell of lavender felt criminal and terrifying- so we did the only thing we could do: we held hands tighter.

Our world seems to be changing and shifting very rapidly. I only wish that more people would embrace this change; all genders need to be accepted . I wish all these people in this article much love and happiness as their respective journeys take them.

I'm a 55 year old gay married man, and as much as I always want to hold my husband's hand in public, we don't. The fear of being attacked is too great, and we've heard of it happening too many times. We sometimes risk kissing goodbye when we leave each other in public, but sadly, the fear is always there. The horror of one of us watching the other being beaten to death is much stronger than the desire to prove a point.

My partner and I first publicly held hands at an anti-gay political/religious rally held for then-Governor Rick Perry and Family Research Council head Tony Perkins. They were pushing for a state amendment to outlaw our marrying. It was held in the gym of a fundamentalist church. We entered with the crowd, waited for the gov to begin speaking, then stood up in the bleachers silently holding hands. Perry and Perkins (and the crowd) watched us as we stood. We were certainly nervous. After about ten minutes, we sat.

In 1975, I was 18 and walking through a London park. I saw two men walking ahead of me, both of whom were intensely attractive to me, so as I walked, I was watching them closely. It was a beautiful day and they were laughing. Suddenly, one man put his arm around the othe. Then they continued walking, holding hands. It was a satori moment for me. I was raise in a liberal household and environment and was intellectually supportive of gay rights, but in this moment, maybe because of the attraction I felt for them both, I felt it viscerally and emotionally through my whole being. This was love! And like any other love, it was beautiful. I've always wanted to thank those two men for the gift they gave me that day of deeper understanding, merely by holding hands in public.