Most of it happened long time ago, why to start writing about it only now? It's like photos of immigrant children.
Most of what "happened a long time ago"?
2
Most of what the article and commenters recall as their examples of stereotyping.
I am still ashamed to this day about this incident, which took place years ago. I am white, a member of a large biracial family, and I never considered myself to be racist. I went for a job interview for a legal services job. When I came in, there was a fairly casually dressed black woman behind the reception desk, who greeted me and took me back to meet the lawyers who would be interviewing me. I was surprised when the woman sat in on the interview and started asking me questions. I answered her rather condescendingly, since I assumed she wouldn't necessarily understand the law involved. About three or four questions in, I realized that she was, of course, a fellow lawyer. I was horribly embarrassed, but I couldn't explain at that point that I thought she was the receptionist. I do not know how much her race as opposed to her lack of a business suit (not that unusual in legal services when weŕe not in court) and my first seeing her behind the receptionist's desk played in my assumption, but if I am being honest with myself, I know it played a part. And I am absolutely certain everyone else in that room assumed I was a bigot. Needless to say, I did not get the job.
25
This story brings a wry smile of recognition to my face. My name gives it away: I'm a lawyer and a female person of color.
One of my first times at a local court, I was all lawyered up, heels, suit, carrying my lawyerbag, with my client. As I approach the doors, they burst open and a white male lawyer screams out "Laquisha!!!" My client and I both recoil. I scream out "no!" And keep walking. I guess he just saw dark skin and assumed I was the defendant. Later, walking out, my client says to me "I know Laquisha. You don't look nothing like Laquisha!" We had a good laugh, but I was sore about it for a long time. What can ya do, tho.
8
To JJ: Your comment is particularly helpful. We can learn from it. We unwittingly pay a personal price and it can cost us dearly when we engage in stereotyping and bigotry. On a societal level, we will continue to pay that cost for some time. Thank you.
4
I think her sitting behind the receptionist desk may have been a deliberate ploy to make you make the mistake that you did.
8
Next let's have every male submit an account, about being accused of "something" by a woman (usually a white member of the 1%) who whined to a superior, because HE 'dared' to disagree her about anything in a work environment. That will blow up the internet! Then let's have every fake hate crime done by Zionists to get them even more privileges and intimidation power - via their calling in bomb threats and spray painting swastika on their own homes, businesses and churches - have those recorded in the media and repeated every day for 2 weeks like every time a white cop shoots a black suspect is. We should be fundamentally suspicious of elite manipulation whenever the major media go searching for indications of racism like "stereotyping" which they will certainly find in a population of 330 million (population size of 10 average countries), But these sensationalized media hysterias will be cherry picked one offs that mean little if anything statistically or comparatively. But of course all these race card and sexism theatrics are intended to justify and "cover' distract from the status quo of our elites' mass outsourcing and mass immigration insourcing shoving evermore Americans into poverty by implying that all this nation's problems are due to racism, sexism or an infinity of isms that are constantly invented to get our 1% off the hook for stealing the 90% blind for the last 40 years.
Most Americans judge themselves and others with their eyes.
120,000 American citizens of Japanese extraction were sent to internment camps after the attack on Pearl Harbor. Because they were not White?
It is not clear why German blooded Dwight Eisenhower became a general and president of the U.S. while fighting Nazi Germans? It is also not clear why American citizens of German extraction were also not sent to interment camps like the Japanese. Because they were White?
It is also not clear why the all wise constitutional framers wrote that "all men are created equal" when Blacks were brought from Africa and made slaves. Blacks were not considered sanctioned beings, instead they were considered property. Because they were Black?
There is a wonderful book by Jodi Picoult entitled Small Great Things that is an eye opener about White Privilege. As a 71 yr old white lady who grew up during different restrooms for White and "Colored", I thought I knew all about racism. But I had my own come-to-Jesus moment when I was only 11, and it has haunted me all my life. As an abused child, I escaped as often as possible to the swimming pool on the Army base where we lived. Often I would arrive early, and fell into the habit of having casual conversation with the elderly black groundskeeper. I found a friend. One day we discussed favorite foods, and I expressed how much I LOVED "n---er-toes", not knowing what the N word was or meant, and never having heard them called Brazil Nuts. He looked at me in shock and never spoke to me again. In later years, I understood why. But even being aware or "woke" didn't prepare me for the day I was in line at an electronics store and found myself wondering why the Hispanic man in front of me had such high-tech gear in his basket. It was a startling moment in which I realized that even tho I thought myself not a racist, I still had subliminal biases that our culture had planted like weeds that spring up on the greenest lawns. Just like all human relationships, we have to work at our social and cultural lives as well as our personal ones.
Long ago when we were young and pretty, my dark complected friend and I were driving my mother's new El Dorado Cadillac across country for her. We tried to get a motel room in Colorado Springs, but motel after motel was "full", though there was lots of room in their parking lots. So we gave up and kept driving, on to the next town where we found a room easily in a Hispanic neighborhood. We asked what was happening that all the motels were full and our host laughed. He said, "Do you know what you too girls would look like to them, in THAT car?" We had no idea.
I work at a predominantly white, upstate, 4 year college. A young black student popped his head into my office and asked me if I had a minute. He was rushing to class and wondered if had time to call security for him. He handed me a wallet he had found, thick with cash. BTW, I called security immediately.
The ultimate curse of racism lies in the feet of government, federal, state and local. A private-citizen racist is of little consequence unless he expresses his racism criminally, but a racist government agent can do great harm with a simple, subtle racist policy, and be even deadly if the government operative is a member of an armed agency. (Read Ta-Nehisi Coates' essay, "The Case For Reparations." https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/06/the-case-for-repara...
In the name of justice and in the best interests of all Americans, federal and state governments ought to make meaningful financial reparations to the victims of their racist policies, which both literally and financially bludgeoned African Americans and Native Americans over the course of centuries.
But should American taxpayers who had no part in what institutional racism did and still does to its victims? In one respect the answer is yes, for all Americans reap benefits today from what was stolen from African and Native Americans in the past. However, today's taxpayers need not be assessed the cost of significant reparations to the victims and their descendants. The enormous assets owned and bureaucratically mismanaged by governments could and should be liquidated to make the reparations at no cost to today's taxpayer, and indeed to their benefit. The cost savings plus the fiscal stimulus of making reparations in this way, would benefit the general welfare enormously.
RESEARCH INTO BRAIN FUNCTIONS SHOWS That there is an unconscious process by which people evaluate others due to many characteristics. Unconscious processes can be changed if there are cultural changes that teach different perceptions from those that cause, for example, unwarranted anxiety about African Americans or other persons of color. But singling out people for admitting that they have had such thoughts consciously is dangerous, because it prevents discussion of the fact that we all respond unconsciously to many things in ways that do not necessarily predict our behavioral responses. Infants come to recognize their mothers as being different from everyone else, both consciously and unconsciously. At about 9 months, there is a period of time known as "stranger anxiety," when babies show fear of anybody else who is unfamliar, along with a preference of being with their mothers rather than anybody else. As we expand our social interactions beyond immediate famly members, we distinguish unconsciously in a different way to those who are unfamiliar. There is survival value in children seeking caregivers for safety. So let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater by confusing developmentally important, constructive progress with stereotyping. But as the lyrics of the song in South Pacific say, You've got to be taught to hate. And to love, for that matter.
1
so... the one and only time I was ever mugged, it was by a young black man. It was 10AM, on Capitol Hill Wash DC, and I never thought anything of the fact that we were the only ones in the alley, coming from opposite directions. He snatched my handbag, and I was dragged to the ground because I wouldn't let go of the bag. The handle ultimately broke off, and he ran away with the bag. I screamed for help, but at that hour, everyone was at work, and no-one came to help.
Subsequently, whenever I found myself walking towards a group of young black men, I always looked them straight in the eye and said Hello. That sign of respect - rather than stepping off the sidewalk - went a lot farther to defuse the situation and made me feel safer.
A few years ago, I was driving home on one of our neighborhood streets. BTW - I'm over 65. There was a an Afro-American guy out raking his front lawn wearing a sleeveless shirt with great muscles. He was very good-looking. I was staring. He turned around and gave me a dirty look. I was horrified, so I drove around the block and came back to his house, drove up beside him and said the following: "I was staring at you when I first drove by, and that was very rude of me so I want to apologize for that. But I also wanted to let you know that the reason I was staring at you was probably not what you are thinking. I may be an old lady, but I still appreciate the sight of a good-looking man." Of course, he burst out laughing. Sometimes, things are not what they appear to be - in both respects!
1
From a different angle:
A multi-decades immigrant from China with post-grad degrees, I was flying a radio-controlled plane in a public park in Basking Ridge, NJ - a predominantly white area. A car drove up behind me and a male voice asked: "Do you speak English?". I turned to see a black middle age man.
It's not only and always whites.
I have so many examples of regretfully realizing my own racist assumptions, words or deeds. Thank you for providing a forum for folks to confront and confess our transgressions. It pains me to think of the number of times I may have done something racist that I did not recognize and someone did not point it out.
One story - Last summer my daughter, who's white as am I, wanted to go to a park with a playground that we hadn't been to before. When we arrived, I saw two African American boys, maybe 12 years-old, speaking with an older African American male. I wondered whether they were discussing something illicit, possibly drug-related. After passing them and watching my daughter climb on the play equipment, I turned around and saw the boys spread out across the grass picking up litter and putting it in a trash bag the elder gentleman was carrying. I was so ashamed by my prior assumption.
Years ago a New York Times reporter wrote a personal essay about being black in America. He said that when he was walking down the street and white people were approaching, he would signal his lack of threat by singing Beatles songs. I think about that all the time.
3
In graduate school there was a Jewish man in our class, whom I liked a lot as he was kind and funny and in some ways we were friends. However in reviewing the literature on moral development as a class assignment, I couldn't help but doubt his capacity for moral reasoning (he was openly Zionist) and tended to tune him out when he would offer his thoughts and analysis. I feel guilty about that now looking back; just because he was Jewish and favored taking away Palestinian rights and land doesn't mean that his ideas would be inferior to those of our classmates.
I have to comment on Sam's story about the man offering to carry his suitcase. This is a common trick to get "rubes" to hand over their bags and take off. I had just arrived in Charlotte, NC and was walking from the bus station with my bags. A young black man "offered" to carry my bag. I politely declined and said thanks. He looked at me and said "You're a smart woman." It is not always about race- sometimes it really is about protecting yourself.
2
Thanks for sharing your story - very brave of you to do so.
I wonder how many of the people who submitted their stories for this article also had the kind of experience you had?
One night, while attending college at UGA, a friend and I were walking home from downtown. We had to walk past one of the city projects to get to our house (common scenario in Athens). As we were walking, a group of young black men began pacing us on the adjacent sidewalk. As we became more and more cautious, I whispered to my friend, "let's start running". As soon as we began to run, they surrounded us and demanded our wallets. Not wanting to give them our money (college students), we tried to fight them off. They beat my friend badly along his torso with a tree branch that they grabbed nearby, I was beatly horribly in the face and lost a pair of eye glasses in the process, we were both jumped from behind and repeatedly hit over the head with fists and tree branches. 25 years later, I look back and realize that we could have been killed, easily, that night. We should not have fought, and my initial instinct to avoid them because of the way they looked was correct and would have saved me a lot of trouble.
We later called the police.. when the black police officers arrived, they took our statement and our description of the suspects (8-10 black youths dressed in Starter jackets), and basically told us that the description described too many people in that area and there would likely be no arrests made. And there weren't. My new glasses cost $200 (a lot as a college student).
And may i surmise that you believe this type of attack could never have been perpetrated by white people? I'm sorry that happened to you, it sounds awful. But by telling this story here you seem to be trying to show why you might be fearful of black people based upon your experience. We could add stories of white people committing similar crimes. And poor people living in projects committing crimes...then we'd have all kinds of reasons to be fearful of all kinds of people. But this article is about how many of us white people automatically fear black people based upon the color of their skin.
I believe you might be completely missing the point of the article. In fact you just showed us an example of racial biasing (yours) by telling this story here.
1
Once, on a trip to New York City, I stopped the first “Chinese looking” guy I saw and asked him which way to Chinatown, because I was going there. He looked at me with a puzzled look and said, “I don’t know.” I said, “thanks,” and walked away. But, I felt bad after that. I did find Chinatown and the flophouse I was to stay in, so I won't do that again.
When I was younger, I was walking down the street and a gray Pontiac drives past, stops then backs up, starts yelling something about my shoes. I ignored them. Full car (five individuals), and I'm by myself. At that moment, since I'm white I guess it was wrong of me to have a negative thought "be ready".
They turned the car around, opened the doors to get out.
Luckily I DID NOT sit there in a daze second guessing their intentions. Where I'm from if you don't use your senses, there are people who will prey on you.
White, black, whatever - you know your surroundings at all times. Do you really think Black, Mexican, or anyone else lets their guard down to total strangers? Then why are we pretending white people should?
In less than a second I ran into a yard, hopped a fence and ducked into a garage of a friends house. I locked the door, stayed silent bent down in the corner of the garage.
Do you think I remembered that incident? Hell yeah, and believe me I tried to stop thinking about it. Time is the only cure. I've been jumped, know family/friends who have. I thought about it at night before I went to bed, I saw their faces! Every time I walked down that street for the next few weeks I had heightened senses! Every time I saw a grey car, my heart skipped a beat.
Eventually it was swept under the rug. BUT NOT GONE. As in these experiences, while no longer fresh, will still color my perceptions. Am I not allowed to carry that personal experience with me?
3
I read a story about a man who shot a police officer. The part that stuck with me was that the officer allowed him to get close enough to be a threat because "he was a well dressed white male who didn't seem to pose a threat"
2
I was on a plane that had just landed. We stopped on the tarmac. The flight attendant said that pilot "Yamaguchi" would taxi us to the gate once it opened up. Woah! Paradigm shift #1. I went from assuming that a white male was the pilot to picturing a Japanese man.
A short time later the flight attendant said, "...she will taxi us over to the gate in a few more minutes..." Woah! Paradigm shift #2. Now I pictured a Japanese WOMAN as the pilot.
Once the plane was at the gate and passengers were disembarking, the pilot was standing in the open cockpit doorway. She was a WHITE woman. Woah! Paradigm shift #3.
2
What's interesting to me is that all the stereotyping recounted here is of people of color, yet white people stereotype other whites multiple times every day. Based on nothing but skin color, hair texture, and facial features, many if not most people assume that a white person is NOT a criminal, NOT violent, NOT a threat, NOT a drug-dealer or drug user, NOT a sexual predator, NOT dishonest, NOT unintelligent, NOT too loud or disruptive, NOT undisciplined, NOT undocumented, NOT a service worker or serving staff, NOT a stranger. The list goes on and on... Many Whites benefit from these positive stereotypes every day, and very often undeservedly so.
4
As a Black American, I know that when I see a white person approach me unsolicited and ask me these words, "Can I help you?", I know right off those are code words for 'why are you here?...or 'I'm watching you', or 'you are up to no good.' It was refreshing (and it has happened only once in my 55 years of living) that I was in a Target looking for something when I saw this white guard approach me and say, 'Can I help you?' He did not say it in that 'threatening' voice that most whites who are in positions of authority use when confronting Black males, but in a nice manner. I told him what I was looking for, and lo and behold, he told me to follow him to another aisle and showed me what I as looking for! Sometimes white people can surprise you, which is why I try to give the benefit of the doubt now when one approaches me with the words, "Can I help you?"
2
More, please. Thank you.
When I was in my early 20s, I once treated a stranger in the manner of some of these other people. If I knew how to find that lady again, I would apologize profusely, and let her know that since that time, I've made an effort to treat everyone the way I wish to be treated myself.
I am in my 60s now. Hopefully, we all learn to be better. Look strangers in the eye, and smile. Treat people the way you wish to be treated.
1
One afternoon years ago, when I was in high school, I was waiting at the corner outside my house for a friend to pick me up for wind quintet rehearsal. (Yes, wind quintet.) A car pulled up at the stop sign I was standing in front of. The diver made eye contact with me, then leaned over and locked the passenger door of her car. I guess I hadn't given any thought to how threatening a chubby teenager with a flute case, band folder, folding music stand, and brown skin might appear.
At the time, I thought it was funny, and a little sad; if it happened today, I'd be glad she didn't shoot me.
2
Enough with the virtue signaling and the guilt.
Even Jesse Jackson has said, “There is nothing more painful to me at this stage in my life than to walk down the street and hear footsteps... then turn around and see somebody white and feel relieved.” Racist?
No one should be saying, "You don't belong in my neighborhood" -- not when they're enforcing "white space," but also not when they're denouncing "displacement."
This has to stop -- on all sides!
2
This is very powerful testimony. Most white readers can probably share a similar story if they are honest with themselves.
As a followup, I think it would be enlightening to hear similar stories from people of color about times they misread others based solely on race.
1
One of the best experiences of my life was the privilege of hosting visiting grad students from other countries when they first came to the U.S. to attend grad school. We'd help them get to know how to deal with various practicalities of the new country and community. An African student whom we were privileged to spend a lot of time with and get to know well, once told me how painful and off-putting it was to see white women act scared that he was a criminal when he was walking down the street behind them in the evening. He was a serious, very religious and civic-minded person. I wished he did not have to have this embittering experience of the U.S.
Another time years earlier, I was in a temporary job placement office staffed by white people in New York, when three black teenaged boys entered because they were answering a subway ad offering temporary clerical work. They were with each other for moral support, and as the white elderly receptionist panicked in this all white office, one of the boys explained why he was there. I don't quite remember how they were dismissed, but the receptionist was clearly terrified and did not understand that they just wanted to work. I remember it that the boy who spoke was frightened that she was frightened, and that she just wanted them to leave the office as quickly as possible. It felt tragic.
2
It is human nature to be cautious of those who are not part of our family or circle of friends or part of our group. I can't control whether strangers are friendly or not; but I can control whether I am. I think I'm happiest when I treat everyone fairly and with respect. I get burned on occasion but I think my life would be diminished by letting fear control my actions.
2
To some extent it's not your fault. The way the media, gov., police, journalist constantly demean us as the most useless, dangerous group of people on the earth. But your fault comes by going strictly by their narratives. You just have to look at your own race and you'll see for the most part you have the same type problems in your own race. no race of people are the same, that's just silly thinking. If the bashing and unjust treatment of AA would stop so would the assumptions AA are cretons. also the double standard of policing and convicting. one person handcuffed taken in for fighting, shooting, spiting at a officer, not shot (white), another unarmed shot and killed for not so-called complying (AA) But you have the talk that a unarmed man deserved to be shot numerous times. By the way these are true situations..
3
Back in the 1970's there was a hippie/redneck thing happening in the midwest where I, looking hippyish, was protesting the Vietnam war, and rednecks were coming into Madison Wisconsin to counter the anti-patriotism. I had several encounters. But one time, at the drive-in burger joint, I was walking across the parking lot and a redneck in a pickup truck gestured me to come over. I was a little scared, but did so. He handed me a joint wrapped in an American flag cigarette paper.
4
I find these articles extremely childish. Of course we use stereotypes to navigate the world. They are natural and we ignore them at our peril ... far more bad than good would come from abandoning them. Instead of criticizing stereotypes, why not simply acknowledge that we should test them, case by case, when it's safe to do so?
2
Stereotyping might be a natural behavior, but stereotypes based on race, religion, gender and sexual orientation are not. They are learned behavior used to demean, control, injure, punish and exclude others from being able to live their lives in the fullest. It might be natural for someone to want to kill someone who sleeps with their spouse, but if they act on that, they go to jail, regardless of how 'natural' that might seem. The problem is that these stereotypes are not harmful to the individuals who are victims of them, but can be dangerous to the person who has them as they might wrongly assume the safety of an individual based on stereotype rather than statistics, logic and rational information.
1
This should be on the front page of the Times - not donald's latest tweetfest.
3
As a black woman, I am guilty of this. We were having a BBQ in our predominately white neighborhood. From my deck, I saw a black man walk down our driveway, I freaked, because I had no clue who he was. I asked my husband if he knew him, turns out, it was his fraternity brother. One that I had not been introduced to yet.
3
Doesn't that tell you something? Maybe it isn't racism or brainwashing, but just a good idea
Blacks can be racist towards other blacks, racism has to do with the effect on the target and the reason for the action, not who is targeting the person.
A number of studies have shown that some small black children in the US think that whiteness is associated with beauty and goodness. This is mainly attributed to the cultural environment, and the cues they pickup from the adults around them.
No, it is not a good idea, if it is not based on logic, or reason. Most black people are not criminals, so to assume one is simply because they are black is racist, illogical and frankly dangerous for whites, as they are more likely to be killed, raped, and attacked by other whites.
Do you think blacks are immune to the daily barrage of overt, as well as subliminal messages all around them that white = good/beautiful and black = bad/ugly? Yes, they're just as prone to absorb those messages as whites are.
Thank you so much for this article.Honest,respectful dialogue, acknowledging and honoring people's feelings and bearing witness to the deep hurt and ongoing damage that racism and stereotyping cause are the only way we will grow and evolve past this destructive paradigm.It will take motivation and hard work on everyone's part but it is long overdue.It must be done for the sake of all humanity.We are all related(as proven by mitochondrial DNA),there is no such thing as "race"(an anachronistic term used to perpetuate the myth of superiority of phenotypically white-skinned people).How do you want your family, current and future generations, treated?
3
Alas, all sounds familiar. So, here is a little more lighthearted vignette: I had moved to a rural part of the state back in 1988, and no one ever went for a walk, save me from Boulder. A friend in a wheelchair was visiting and we went for an after-dinner stroll. The neighbor called the cops on us. We were both white. Change is scary.
1
A few years ago I was at a red light when an African-American man was walking in the cross walk in front of my car. I pressed the door lock button which locked all the car doors. Right away my pre-teen daughter, sitting in the back seat, admonished me for locking the doors just because the man was African-American. Too this day I feel guilty about the way I reacted when I saw the man.
3
But on the other hand, you are doing something good, as you have raised a child who does not have the same biases.
1
I once was sitting in a car in a parking lot at a convenience store. I had noticed a young and cute (white) woman walking toward my car -- who had been a violent psych patient I'd worked with at my job, whom I had once had to restrain. I quickly locked my doors...only to be yelled at by the older African American man who was standing by my car, who thought I locked my doors because of him. I felt bad that he had that idea, but I couldn't break HIPAA, and he probably wouldn't have believed me anyway. I did roll down my window to tell him it wasn't him, but he needed to unleash years of frustration. I shut up and listened; I hope it helped.
2
I have had more experiences like this that would care to recall from kindergarten to graduate school; from coffee shops to career moves over my 35 years on Wall Street and there is one question I would like someone answer before I die. How long are we going to exhaust ourselves with this dehumanization? Whites should be exhausted from doing and I'm exhausted from fighting it. Since I'm now 75 years old I'm not getting any younger in this waiting process.
5
This is sad to read in 2018, again about white people and their fears- a better use of this space would have been to ask how the victims of these perceptions deal with this irrational behavior on a day to day basis. What the psychological effects are of having to constantly justify ones self to irrational people.
Plus it seems like racism = irrational white people, where are the instances of PeopleOfColor fearing whites?
3
I am a "white looking" Latina. I had been in the country about a year and then went to college in a rural Midwest college. When I started dating a non-white international student I saw the ugly face of racism up close, from snarky remarks to vandalism and threats of violence, on and off campus. It was terrifying at times, and it was all knew to me. The only students who were kind to me where the handful of black students. Even though they couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that I was not white, they included me in their groups and social events. To this day, decades later, the thought of being in a place with large numbers of whites, especially if there's alcohol involved, gives me a mild panic attack. When outside city limits, I am hypervigilant and anxious until I get to the next city or back to mine. The ugliness we've seen from the supporters of a certain resident of the White House is not a surprise to me at all. Those are the same type of people as certain coworkers who, for example, have looked for ways to have me fired for fact-checking a news item or chain email, and wondered how they can have my citizenship revoked. My nightmare has returned.
1
This is something I struggle with often. My city's neighborhood police unit tell us to contact them if anything seems "out of the ordinary." That it is better to call and it be nothing than the opposite. But what is "out of the ordinary?" When is your gut feeling real and when is it prejudice? People talk about the book The Gift of Fear, especially in teaching our daughters how to react to situations rather than playing nice. But often our gut is just prejudice.
I have been unnecessarily afraid of people who only wished me well, but it was dark and I was alone, and the people (well, men, always) looked different from me. I am quicker to get nervous for no reason in the past year after being the victim of a crime.
On the other hand, I thought it was just prejudice when I was nervous about a rowdy group of young black men walking down my block one night, yet 5 minutes later my neighbor around the corner was mugged, almost definitely by these men.
I no longer trust myself and my readings of situations very much. So much goes into our split level reactions to things.
3
I am sorry you were a victim of crime. It is natural to feel nervous. For me as I am a woman alone I am careful in any situation that might be dangerous. The only people who have ever tried something criminal against me have been white males, but then again, I am usually around white people even though I am a black female. I don't assume that white people in general are a threat, I understand that some of them might be criminals, but that I can't extrapolate that to all white people. I treat EVERYONE in potentially dangerous situations as a threat, regardless of age, gender or race. I don't pick up any hitchhikers (except once for a small child clearly lost). I said no to a group of nice older white Americans, when they asked me for a lift into town, simply because I calculated that if they attacked me in my car, or had a gun I was toast. I would have said no if they were black as well for the same reason. In dark stairwells, and alleys and on the street, I cross to the other side for men, women, teens, older people.
I have biased reactions sometimes that are not rational, I acknowledge them for what they are, challenge them and don't act on them and am watchful for them to surface again. Everyone has biases, everyone will sometimes do something biased, the trick is recognizing and admitting to it, and deciding not to act that way again. Being honest about them can stop them harming someone else.
2
It would be far more productive for us to focus on feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, and educating the untutored than to engage in this unproductive naval gazing. Problem is it would also cost NYT readers money as to improve the quality of the lives of the poor would require them to pay higher taxes.
1
Having been the victim of a violent mugging by two young black men who left me bloody and bruised and feeling raped. When I see young black men even now, 32 years later, I immediately become tense. That's may be called "profiling" but I call it basic human survival instinct.
5
I was working on an archaeology dig in Chilean Patagonia, documenting rock art. I was sent to see some unusual pictographs at a distant farm, where Grandmother was in the tiny kitchen making empanadas, Dad and his son were in the barn shearing the sheep. The son was dispatched to lead me to the rock art site by a lake on the farm. I spoke enough Spanish to be understood and to communicate with the ragged, simple, dirty & smelling of sheep farm boy. When we got to the site, I noticed a very strange pictograph: a rectangular black image, about the size of a loaf of bread, high up on a rock face, above head level. All the others were at waist or shoulder level, and were a people, symbols, or animals. I asked the boy about it, and he said, in perfect English, "Oh, that's the footprint of Darwin's Patagonian Giant!" I was shocked to hear him speak English & wondered how a simple farm boy knew about Charles Darwin. He laughed at my reaction, and revealed that he was a professor of archaeology at UCLA, and was just visiting his family for the Christmas holidays.
6
Why don‘t you ask the question to those of us who have been racially profiled? Then you wouldn‘t get such watered-down answers.
11
I have come to think about racism as a linear continuum, at one end is the KKK at the other is MLK. Each and every one of us is along that line somewhere and what counts is which end we are striving towards. Because I grew up in the totally white suburbs and despite my parents involvement in the early civil rights activities, I have had to work at not making assumptions about anybody based on color. It is very important for children to be raised in desegregated communities if we are ever going to help the 30-40% of people in this country deal with their fear, panic and anger at people of color. The reason societies thinking about LGBTQ has turned around so fast is that everyone who said they didnt know any gay people suddenly did as their relatives came out.
5
While I appreciate the intent behind this article, to provoke confession and reflection on everyday racism, it gives voice not to people of color emotionally damaged repeatedly and daily by racial bigotry and bias, but mostly to white people talking about their guilt. Where is your article directed to people of color on how to heal, psychologically and emotionally, from repeated incidents of bias? Every time you leave your house? We already know racism is part and parcel of everyday life. We are the targets. Where is the concern and help for our hurt and healing? An article with that focus would acknowledge the impact of this daily harm
and pain. I pray you will consider it.
18
I was about 7 years old in Oakland CA, at my grandmother' house, where she'd lived since before the 1906 SF quake. The neighborhood was "changing" in the 1960s, and a black man walked towards me on the street. The tension I felt grew greater and greater and he approached, I almost ran, I wondered if he was going to hit me. I decided to just keep walking and "be brave", and he just walked by, nodding his head in greeting. Even as a 7 year old, I knew I was an idiot, and that the problem was mine.
6
George Zimmerman saw a young black teenager wearing a hoodie as he walked to his father's home in an apartment complex in Florida. For Zimmerman, that hoodie represented part of the uniform of a suspicious person. It wasn't Trayvon's hoodie, however, that led to his death; it was the color of his skin. Zimmerman's racist stereotyping ended in the senseless death of an innocent young man. In Zimmerman's case, his blatant stereotyping was even rewarded when he was acquitted in Trayvon's death.
For those who continue to believe in the so-called post-racial America, look at the images of Trayvon Martin and countless other black men who have suffered similar fates in recent years.
Stereotyping is still alive and thriving but hopefully more and more experiences like those of these nine people will lead to a greater awareness of our own personal stories of racial profiling.
6
Look at the image of Mike Brown bullying the helpless convenience store clerk (for whatever reason!) moments before he was shot. That shot wasn't posed.
What makes a life matter is the content of its character, not the color of ts skin.
On the one hand--
When I was a naive 18-year-old walking alone in Chicago, two older black guys fell into step with me, linked their arms in mine, and asked me if I wanted to go party with them. When I tried to free myself, they simply flexed arms to tighten their grip and I realized I would not be able to get free. We passed a group of white college kids and I called out to them in a friendly manner as if I knew them. The black guys melted away. The college kids then insisted on walking me to my car, and the whole way there I was afraid THEY were going to mug me.
On the other hand--
Years later, while waiting for a University-run shuttle bus one late afternoon in a sketchy neighborhood in Oklahoma City, I saw three black teenagers on bikes riding toward me at speed with what was obviously ill intent. From another direction, I could see the shuttle bus racing toward me. It screeched to a halt just before the teens arrived. The doors swung open and the driver (also black) yelled "Get in here!!" I jumped in and found myself on the receiving end of a fatherly lecture about waiting outside by myself at that time of day.
And finally--
While walking down the deserted main drag in Hot Springs we stopped at a store to buy beverages and a bottle opener. As we left, we saw a black guy running down the street after us. We started to run too but then realized he was chasing us to give us the bottle opener, which we had forgotten.
People--some good, some bad.
11
We moved from the north to the deep south nearly 40 years ago. When registering my middle school daughter for the public school in the Fall there was a black man in denim overalls (the type farmer wear) seated beside the secretary taking our information. I mentioned to him that it must be a big job keeping the school clean. Much to my embarrassment, he told me he was the assistant principal. US cultures are so different one has to tread carefully, and not make assumptions based on appearance,
2
I am white and grew up in DC., and often found myself the only white person in many situations. Not to dismiss the issues raised in this article, but prejudging cuts many ways. Frequently, I was harassed and assumed I could be intimidated. When I put on my game face, my harassers retreated, often with a surprised look that a little white girl couldn't be rattled.
2
For the young woman worried in the subway, I think most women are alert to any man of any race walking behind them in a desolate place.
5
As a middle-aged white man I've had (older) women getting agitated in Park Avenue, UES, whilst walking behind them. I always make a point of making a very wide berth around them while overtaking them.
3
Yes, this is what I was thinking too. A friend of my teen daughter was groped at a bus stop. Since then, my white daughter moves away from any men when standing alone. She was one time nearly brought to tears when a black man kept yelling at her that she was racist when she moved away from him. She wanted to tell him that it was because he is male, but was too upset/decided it would be prudent to remain quiet.
4
There exists in this country a toxic urban underclass that is largely but not exclusively African-American. To not cite that as a factor in the perceptions and stereotypes that people have amounts to journalistic malpractice.
1
There exists in this country a toxic, suburban overclass that is largely, but not exclusively, European-American. Not to cite that as a factor in the perceptions and stereotypes that people have amounts to journalistic malpractice.
6
It is largely but not exclusively white males of all ages who are mass shooters in schools and other locations. Should we view all white males as toxic and perceive that all of them are seconds from pulling out an AR-15 and spraying a mall, park, movie theater, school, etc with bullets?
9
I am a British surgeon/professor who is the product of a Jamaican father (caramel colored skin, blue eyes) and white British Mum (white skin, red hair). I am very light brown, green eyes and gray-haired with a small thin build. Many times I am mistaken for East Indian or Pakistani. I always dress professionally and I speak the Queen's English. Here in the Midwest, I have had African-American people refuse my care and white/Asian people refuse to serve me in upscale restaurants in 2018. My worst treatment was in a Korean restaurant in Cleveland. I was told that my business was not welcome there even though I was with a group of fellow white male surgeons who were immediately seated in the mostly empty restaurant. We all left and were graciously served at a nearby Vietnamese restaurant. Yes, folks racism is alive and well in 2018. It's tolerated under the cloak of comfort for those providing the service.
11
Re the story of Emily, 24: A young woman is walking down the steps of a subway station in a certain neighborhood, and a man is following close behind. What is the probability that the man will rob her? That is, arguably, an objective question, the answer to which could in principle be approximated using statistics. What is the conditional probability, on the additional assumption that the man is wearing a motorcycle jacket, that he will rob her? That too is, arguably, an objective question. One question would then be this: is the second probability less than, equal to, or greater than the first?
A second question is whether it is very nice to treat individuals on the basis of assumptions about a group that person belongs to or some visible property of the person.
If the answer to the first question is that neither probability is greater than the other, then, plausibly, there is no problem. But if the fact that the man is wearing a motorcycle jacket points to a higher probability of robbery, then, arguably, it is rational for the woman to treat the fact that the man is wearing a motorcycle jacket as a reason to worry. But most men who wear motorcycle jackets are, by all accounts, nice people. It is unfair to stereotype them. There is, then, a conflict in such a situation between what is rational and what is moral or ethical behavior toward others.
This, I think, is the elephant in the room.
I don't think Emily was worried about being robbed. The elephant in the room is that most sexual assault is done by men, and you can't tell if any particular man is a rapist, or not.
2
In my early twenties, I was working on Capitol Hill in Washington DC, and living in Chinatown, right near the Georgetown Law School campus. At the time, the neighborhood had a substantial homeless population, and over time I got pretty accustomed to dealing with beggars the same way all the other professionals I knew did -- by ignoring them or by rudely dismissing them. One day, as I was walking home from work, I saw a bum came up to me. He looked like all of the other neighborhood bums -- black, male, t-shirt. As he approached, I cut him off with my usual "Sorry," and kept moving. As I passed him by, though, I looked at him a little closer -- and immediately realized my error. This man was clean shaven, bespectacled, in a crisp t-shirt and slacks, with a backpack on his back. He dressed the same nerdy way I dress. I took my earphones out, and this black Georgetown Law student -- for by now I knew that's what he was -- asked me ... if I had the time. He wanted to make sure he wasn't going to be late for class.
3
Thank you, thank you for this piece. Thank you for starting this conversation. Thank you to the additional stories in the comments.
We have a tendency to speak about what it's like to be the victim of racism, and that's a very good thing. But acknowledging one's own racism, bias, prejudice, instinctual or otherwise, is really the first step in counteracting that racism. It's much more powerful, I'd say.
And to the person who was weary of the hispanic-looking people at the ATM - seriously? You were in a Central American city and were afraid of hispanic-looking people? Is there something I'm not getting? Still scratching my head on that one..
5
A few years ago I saw a young African American man by my car in a parking lot at night. He looked suspicious so I called out to him sharply. He looked my way and said angrily "Do you know me?" and walked away. I walked to my car, and saw that he'd been trying to break in. Cost me $100 to have the lock repaired. True story.
The end.
3
It is hypocritical for anyone to deplore, as racist, some or all of the thoughts and behavior reported in this piece, and at the same time to rant on, as commenters do in response to other articles, about how women fear men.
1
In the mid-1980s I was working at MIT in a small building on the edge of campus that was undergoing extensive renovations. As I cut through one of the unfinished spaces to get to another office, I encountered a short, elderly gentleman in coveralls who spoke with a heavy Italian accent. I assumed he was a workman (I thought probably doing sheetrocking or plastering) so we chatted a bit about the progress of the project, me asking him questions about how much longer he thought it might take, etc. Later that day someone told me he was actually Salvador Luria, a Noble Prize winning MIT faculty member. I saw a small Italian immigrant in coveralls standing in a construction area and assumed "construction worker."
8
One Saturday morning, a middle-aged, unshaven, bummish-looking man wearing distressed clothing wandered into the Loeb Library of the Harvard Graduate School of Design. I immediately moved to stop him. "Excuse me, sir, but this building is for the use of members of the Harvard community only. I shall have to ask you to leave."
"But, but, I work here!"
"Really? Doing what?"
"I teach."
"You do?! What is your name?"
"I am Rafael Moneo."
In case that this name does not ring a bell, Professor Moneo is the Pritzker-Prize-winning, Spanish architect who designed, among other edifices, the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles.
You never know.
3
Years ago we drove up to Shelburne Falls with my wife's father and stepmother. There is a wonderful deli in this small New England town which had NYC bagels and lots of other healthy food. In front of the store was a guy hanging out, a white guy who sloppily dressed and unshaven, talking with some people. Wife's stepmom asked, "Who is that bum over there?" I happened to know that the disheveled looking white guy was the owner of this extremely successful deli and probably of other property in town as well. I told her this and she still thought he looked like a bum and should clean himself up. I never liked her much anyway.
2
Prejudice is required for individual survival. Yes, we over-do it.....but prejudice is required everyday...well maybe the iphone addicts dont need it when they mindlessly step off the curb without looking for traffic....but the reality is .... even stepping off a curb requires prejudice, is it safe? or dangerous? We're slowing weeding out the non-judgemental ones by running them over at busy intersections!........Racism is NOT an individual quality....it is indeed the system. Now, when you look at America with open eyes and open minds.....you will recognize that our society is just about the LEAST racist system anywhere on the planet.....and what racism does exist, we are constantly attempting to keep in check by Rule of Law. The Law works.....our Legal system is truly made possible by a "jury of peers".......never lose track of that.......
"you will recognize that our society is just about the LEAST racist system anywhere on the planet."
Either you've never been anyplace else on the planet or you're joking.
4
The rule of law "works?" How well did it "work" for Trayvon Martin and Eric Garner whose killers were acquitted of murder?
3
We all stereotype. Those who don't or say they never have are liars. It is human nature. Is it wrong? Sometimes. But not always. Those are the facts. Sorry.
10
Point well-taken. Stereotyping is a primal defense mechanism. In situations that are potentially the most threatening, it's not a crime to err on the side of caution. It's pretty ignorant and crippling to let your life be ruled by stereotyping, though.
3
A white male, I've spent much of my teaching career working in 'urban' high schools that were very diverse.
As a young person I had carried prejudices about Blacks, Asians, Jews, Women, LBGQTs and others, but after actually meeting plenty of 'all of the above' and finding that my stereotypes had little if any predictive value, I came to the realization that unfamiliarity is the greatest incubator of hard prejudice. Maintaining those prejudices in the light of my real experiences would have been the height of stupidity. My 'conversion' had nothing to do with the quality of my character!
This is a lesson I was fortunate to learn many years ago, and I try to pass this learning along whenever I can.
20
What's worse than having things turn out better than expected, is having things turn out worse than you expected. Here comes a nice looking young black man down the street. I say hello to him as he passes me by, and his response to me is a string of obscenities that is unprintable. When I called the police (because he also threatened harm) and told them what he said, the police dispatcher interrupted me saying, "Stop. We dont' need to hear that."
Or, I am walking along the street in another part of town, making business deliveries. I get out of the car and see a group of 3 middle aged black men sitting in a parklet by the side of the road. One of them waves to me, I wave to him, then he pulls down his pants and urinates, looking at me as he does it.
I'm making deliveries in another downtown neighborhood. After I complete another delivery to a couple young black women, I ask if there might be a tip (standard practice in that business) and the woman throws a handful of pennies in my face.
I live in a black neighborhood and one day meet a young black man, nice looking, kind face, who surprises me as he's standing right at my door holding my newspaper, when I open it in the morning. At first I assume he is the newspaper delivery man, and I tell him I'm cancelling, because my paper keeps getting stolen. Later, I see him in the house next door, and I realize he wasn't the paper delivery man, he was the next door neighbor stealing my paper.
5
Here in South Florida I am occasionally approached by white male panhandlers in parking lots. Being the impatient grouch that I am, my standard response is always "I don't have any money for you," before they can even open their mouths. That usually sends them packing. (I too am white, by the way.) Recently I responded the same way to a black guy in a parking lot and I nearly ignited a race war. The guy and his lady friend proceeded to inform me that I was an ignorant cracker and that I was afraid of him. Racially stereotyping a stranger, indeed.
9
Hardly a day goes by without my logging onto the Times site and seeing some stereotypical remark about "white males". I am a white male and hardly any of the remarks apply to me. This is an example of Identity Politics Theory where people are treated as members of groups instead of individuals.
11
I'm a "black female". Join the club !
13
Hardly a day goes by without my logging on to the Times site and seeing some stereotypical remark about "black males."
3
Charles - perhaps you can use this experience to approach your exasperation with identity politics from a place of empathy. Since you clearly understand how frustrating it is to be stereotyped according to your gender and skin color, you understand how frustrating the same experience must be for others.
1
When it comes to strangers, people do stereotype others--often based on past personal experiences. It shouldn't be that way but that's, unfortunately, reality.
These 9 people were thinking in racist stereotypes to a greater or lesser degree. Someone reporting a man for running by the apartment--crazy on their part; someone running toward me in a store--that would startle me, but more so if it had been a white guy--I would have assumed he had a gun with him and was going on a rampage. Assuming a person of color was the cleaner instead of a world expert on Montessori... One time I entered the wrong downtown office building. The white woman who gave me directions to the correct address assumed I was homeless (me wearing jeans, her an expensive-looking suit). I'm sure she would have called security if I also wasn't white. She gave me the creeps.
For me, as a vulnerable woman, it's a safety issue--I don't care about race -there are good and bad people of all races, but I don't want to end up a victim again, so with strangers, I think it's better safe than sorry. There been many times I've not gotten into an elevator with a lone man, and the irony is usually it's been a white guy I've had bad vibes about. I've been robbed at gunpoint, two separate times by men (one white, one Hispanic). Two friends were beaten up by male strangers while alone with them in an elevator. Sometimes it has nothing to do with racial profiling but everything to do with safety.
8
your gender does not render your automatically vulnerable! Remember intersectionality! If it comes to police encounters Black men and Black women are much more in danger to be killed than White or Asian women!
1
35 years ago I was working at MIT in a small building on the edge of campus that was undergoing extensive renovations. As I walked through one of the unfinished areas to get to another office, I encountered a short older man with a heavy Italian accent wearing coveralls. I assumed he was one of the workmen and engaged him in conversation for a bit about the progress of the project. Later on I was told it was Salvador Luria
1
I’m Jewish and I have encountered people with pre conceived notions about me numerous times throughout my life.
11
My first year in college, another freshman girl from a small town in rural Michigan asked me, "What's it like to be Jewish?". I wish I had the maturity I have now because I think we would have had a successful conversation, assuming she wasn't going to ask me if I had horns or if my whole family was rich. At the time I was flabbergasted and offended (and scared of what else she might say). She didn't return to school after Thanksgiving break. It was just too different for her, I guess.
2
My wife was walking to her car in an empty parking lot at work. 2 African American men were watching her from a distance. She noticed them but did not want to be prejudiced and continued to her car. As she approached she noticed they were following her to her car and it was too late to turn back. She ran at this point to her car and managed to speed away as the 2 men tried to car jack her.
I remember her telling me when she got home about not wanting to stereotype.
It could have been 2 white men. At the end of the day use common sense and trust your gut.
9
Here’s the opposite situation. I lived in Bangkok in the early 60’s when I was in the 4th and 5th grades (Army brat). There were people of color in all walks of life. Some were my friends, some were my servants, some were my teachers, most were neutral passers-by. I was so oblivious to skin color that I didn’t realize until a few years later that my 5th grade “boyfriend” was African American. I hadn’t thought to label him at the time. Decades later I’m hardly that innocent but I do try to remember my young self’s state of mind living in an integrated society.
9
I got judged once in Scottsdale ,AZ (my hometown and second whitest city in America) coming out of a store at night a couple quickly lock their Cadillac car doors. I quickly think to myself:’you folks have no problems if I’m your biggest worry.’
Asian American male
6
It would be interesting to compare this hypothetical to readers comparing situations were the stereotypes matched reality and the see the result. Otherwise one gets a skewed result
3
A couple of years ago, I was stopped on 44th Street in NYC by a nicely dressed black guy. "Hey, don't you remember me? I stopped by your office to see my sister a couple of months ago?" I had to admit that hadn't remembered the visit to see his sister. "You mean Gail?" I said (who happens to be black.) "Yeah...you don't remember/ We talked for a couple of minutes?" I felt a bit guilty in not remembering this nice guy.
After a long conversation about Gail, I lent him $10 because he was a little short in getting his car out of the parking garage and "Gail will give it back to you tomorrow."
Never assume.
3
I appreciate the candor of those who took the time to share. It's telling - albeit disappointing - that this is where people continue to live in their minds and hearts. It's as if so many people drank the kool-aid mixed with fear.
5
Several decades ago I was taking the subway in Philadelphia to a crime-ridden neighborhood. The car was empty until 6 young male African-Americans boarded and sat across from me. I was literally shaking. Then when we pulled into the station there was clearly a gunfire exchange happening on the platform. These young men screamed for me to get onto the floor then blocked all doors with outstretched arms. They were willing to take a bullet for me. What more can I say? I am still humbled.
106
What is the point of your anecdote and why did the NYT deem to make it a pick?
If 6 elderly african american grannies had boarded the train, would you likewise have been "literally shaking?" Probably not. Therefore, your concerns can not have been entirely "racist" (whatever that means.) Would you have likewise been "literally shaking" if those 6 men were white? Let's say no - let's say that your shaking was partially (as we have established) motivated by the fact that the men were black. Let me ask you - does that in an of itself constitute "racism" or is it simply a rational calculation based on statistical criminality? Or, are rational calculations in and of themselves "racist" (again, whatever that means).
THOSE are the hard questions we need to be discussing - not regaling ourselves in anecdote.
8
And you know what, in my experience those men would have done the same for anyone riding that train. It wasn't because you were white or frightened. That's just who they are and the world they've come to know, which is a sad reality. I'm glad you have held them in your heart.
9
White males are most likely to commit acts of terrorism and rape. Should I fear all white men I meet, based on "statistical criminality?"
Do you ask yourself those hard questions?
1
A few years ago I was walking down an empty sidewalk when I saw a group of 4 black guys walking towards me. It was a narrow sidewalk so I stepped into the street to let them pass me on the sidewalk. As they were going past, one of the men said to me, "Don't be scared just because we're black." In the moment I felt misunderstood - I thought was just trying to be polite. But looking back I'm sure I expressed some nervousness or trepidation in my reaction that they must have seen from a million white girls before me. I think for"liberal' white people it's so easy to reflexively snap into the defensive instead of genuinely listening to and accepting the experiences of people of color and trying to change the way we behave when we are told our behavior is wrong. How painful and exhausting to go through life with people treating you with fear and suspicion when you're just trying to walk down the street. I wish I could go back and tell them how sorry I am.
46
In a reverse of this article and reader comments, I was racially stereotyped by African-Americans in Smithfield, Virginia, near Norfolk, where I had gone to look at a property I was interested in buying & moving to. As I visited the little village of Smithfield (I'm a white woman of a certain age), I was repeatedly bumped into on the sidewalks by black people, including children...until I finally learned to step off the curb and into the street to avoid the next group. At a BBQ place, I placed my order at the window & was never served. When I asked about that, after a half hour, the black clerk shrugged, winked and grinned at some of the other customers, all of whom were black. At the supermarket, I waited in line to buy groceries, put my items on the conveyor belt, and the black cashier turned off her little lighted sign, and walked off. Another black cashier did a high-five with her. When I tried to pull out of my parking space, a family of African-Americans stood behind my car and refused to move for almost 10 minutes, even though they were perfectly aware that I needed to back out...so I was stuck there. Guess what? I told the realtor I couldn't live in a town where the black population treated me that way.
8
Perhaps the Lord has sent you a lesson about how black folks are treated everyday throughout this nation. Take it as such and try to learn what it feels like to walk in their shoes.
12
what exactly is the point of your comment, elizabeth? in your feverish bout of "butwhataboutism," are you trying to imply that white people are just as often the victims of stereotyping by black people as black people are by whites? or did you just feel the need to take an article about the tribulations black americans face on a daily basis and make it about you?
are you serious right now, elizabeth? are you really going to sit here and try to say that your experience is in ANY WAY comparable to what black people face in america and have faced in america since the day they were brought over here in chains? seriously?!
did anybody physically attack you, elizabeth? did anybody call the police on you for ordering BBQ? did the police come and arrest or - worse - shoot you for waiting around for your order? no, elizabeth. none of that happened, did it?
so again i ask you: what exactly was the point of your comment?
there might be a time and place for your anecdote, elizabeth, but i promise you: this wasn't it.
1
Not one of these stories is surprising to me -- an African-American man in my late 60s. For all the fear that we as black men evoke in white people, it is equally as unsettling and fearsome to be the target of white fear. As has been demonstrated over and over again, it is how whites react to us that puts us in danger. I live in a rich and overwhelmingly white enclave of Kalorama in DC (where the Obamas and the Kushner's and the Tillersons live, and my home is just around the corner from Jeff Bezos' new home). One evening I'd left my townhouse to walk my dog (a beagle) and noticed a sizable police presence. In my white polo shirt, beige walking shorts, tortoise shell eyeglasses and Belgian shoes, I asked a cop what had happened and he said an armed robbery nearby. I was shocked at this rarity of street violence, when he asked me to produce my ID. I simply gave him a look of exasperation, while I refused to comply to the "ridiculous" demand, and told him to move on and to leave me alone. He said, "right," and drove off. Idiot.
25
Amazing, brave stories.
Sometimes the most difficult person to make an admission to is one's self and these essayists took that step then went another further.
Thank you.
57
About the person who felt ashamed when a man asked her if he could carry her luggage for $5 - the details were not provided, but I would guess that it was not an official airport employee who is sometimes available for services such as that, these employees are in uniform and generally do not approach potential customers but wait for the customers to approach them. Sounds instead that it probably was someone who was trying to sell an unnecessary service, and pull at the strings of potential customers. Any passenger has a right to decline such service without feeling guilty.
8
Three years ago i was at my mom,'s apartment and had been sitting with her as my step-dad passed away. A bit later that morning as we were awaiting the funeral home people a man showed up at the door when it was open and lingered for a second. A black man. I asked him, in a rather quick manner, if I could help him. He said he was a neighbor and knew Don was near the end of his life and inquired whether everything was okay and how my mom was doing. I've never felt smaller, and would like to attribute my response to the stress of the moment. I think the young man was just fine and did not judge my quick response to harshly.
29
Years ago, I was going to a party with my girlfriend along the then deserted Brooklyn waterfront. As we walked up my friend's block, a black man suddenly approached us. My girlfriend, who had been attacked numerous times living in un-gentrified Ft. Greene, took off running down the street. I didn't. The man asked if I had a light. I said no. He then looked at me, and thanked me for stopping and not assuming he was going to rob us. It turned into a magical moment for both of us.
8
I'll never forget this encounter and how it made me feel.
It was the day after 9/11 and I, like everyone in our country, was raw with emotion. I was fighting the impulse to hate, but within myself, I felt the only way through the hellishness of terrorism was to love my fellow man.
I was at a big box retailer and out of nowhere came a gentleman in a turban. He was clearly a Sikh. We both rounded a corner at the same time and our eyes locked. I smiled at him and could see the relief on his face as he smiled back at me.
In that instant, we both unintentionally acknowledged how devastated we felt and how we chose to handle the sadness and fear of losing so many innocent people to the heinous act of terrorism.
My opinion hasn't changed and my resolve hasn't faltered. We can only conqueror the evils that surround us with uncompromising and unrelenting love.
11
Most commenters joined the bandwagon and spoke of their confessions of bias, while a small but obvious minority spoke of how they ignored their instincts and ignored a risky situation, only to be victimized of a crime, and several violently so.
We all have a built-in instinct, but we are constantly programmed to override it for fear of being labelled as racist.
I think that 100% of the people would be totally onboard against stereotyping regarding business and social situations, but encounters on the street with strangers are an entirely different matter.
It should be ok and not considered to be shameful to be leery of any stranger on the street if that stranger comes too close and violates your personal space, particularly at night or when not in a crowd, regardless of race. In those cases, we ignore our instincts at our own risk.
67
If your leeriness is color based, sorry, it's not okay.
Think of even one time you were accused of something you did not do or suspected of something that was not even in your mind.
Now, imagine the experience of the person who has that skin color which you and many others may deem dangerous or dishonest. Think of how many unearned slights, insults, and how much simply undeserved cold and inconsiderate behavior they are subjected to on a regular basis. It can be soul crushing.
20
This kind of comment is part of the problem. Our responses to people, and our assessment of potential danger, makes use of MANY factors, not just race. There are some men who are who cause others no concern or discomfort, because they dont' behave in an intimidating or aggressive way. There are others who behave in ways that naturally cause unease in people, and in fact, some turn out to be criminals.
Leaping to the conclusion that if someone is uncomfortable with someone who happens to be black, that it is only that persons' ethnicity which causes the discomfort (rather than their behavior) is a problematic and reactionary response to people talking about this issue.
So, blacks never look at whites and think of 300 years of oppression even if they themselves never experienced it? Blacks don't profile, or act cautiously toward whites?
Most commenters joined the bandwagon and spoke of their confessions of bias, while a small but obvious minority spoke of how they ignored their instincts and ignored a risky situation, only to be victimized of a crime, and several violently so.
We all have a built-in instinct, but we are constantly programmed to override it for fear of being labeled as racist.
I think that 100% of the people would be totally onboard against stereotyping regarding business and social situations, but encounters on the street with strangers are an entirely different matter. It should not be considered to be shameful to be leery of any stranger on the street if that stranger comes too close and violates your personal space, particularly at night or when away from a crowd, regardless of the race of the person approaching. In those cases, we ignore our instincts at our own peril.
4
Over 45 years ago I was drafted into the U.S. Army after college and was fortunate to be assigned an MOS (job title) as a clerk. I worked with people of many hues in headquarters. One day early in my enlistment I noted that it was noon. I approached a co-worker and asked him to go to the mess hall with me for lunch. He replied that he couldn’t because he would be considered an “Oreo” and could not be seen associating with me.
I wonder how times and minds have changed on this issue.
10
Stereotyping is quite common, or lets say, not uncommon. We had an incident a few years ago in Sevilla. My wife had gone to the ATM in a busy plaza to get some cash, but returned empty handed, thinking the ATM was empty, it being the weekend. A few moments later three women, who could have been well-dressed Gypsies, approached her. She turned away from them, saying something about watching your wallet, as pickpockets are, or were, quite common in busy areas. It took another moment to realize that the trio of Sevillanos were not going try to distract us while someone picked a pocket but were trying to give us the cash the ATM had finally kicked out. My wife was a bit embarrassed as she thanked them, more so since she is fluent in the language. “See, we’re not all thieves” one woman remarked to make a point. We only assumed...
11
"Gypsie" is a slur!
Apparently, the gypsies of reality-TV's My Big, Fat, Gypsy Wedding don't feel that way. Or, perhaps, "gypsie" is a slur and "gypsy" isn't.
I think a lesson in this is that "you are judged by the people you look like" and by the people you deliberately chose to look and behave like. Very few people in the world will ever get to know who you are. By necessity you and everybody you know are forced to make quick judgements about other people. It is a fact of survival. And the quickness necessary to make those judgements is to learn to judge by appearance. This will not ever change.
12
Welcome to America. You want to know who carries prejudice in their heart? Everyone. The original sin was Native American extermination. It's direct offspring? Chattel slavery for Africans that included rape and whippings. Not to mention one hundred years of Jim Crow and related lynchings.
Overcoming prejudice is sort of like overcoming alcoholism. It's never ending, one day at a time, and a highly conscious process. Relapse is easy. For anybody raised in America the basic instincts rooted in the aforementioned history are bad.
People can pretend otherwise. Many people sincerely wish that it wan't so. But the plain cold facts speak far louder than holiday speechifying.
If you want to end prejudice end de facto segregation. There's no other way. Put an end to places like Detroit or Chicago or name your urban center where people live and children go to school based largely on the color of their skin.
Given the prevailing economic inequities based on centuries of discrimination - that's a pretty tall order. What are you prepared to do about it?
Are you prepared to confront someone who will cast a vote based on reactionary appeals to race-baiting? Are you prepared to call out the racist in your neighborhood or workplace? That would be a minimal first step. Anything else is just words.
5
Doesn't it surprise you that articles of this kind, that now are incredible frequent, started appear in the media only at the end of the Obama's second term - when Democrats needed a new theme of a battle cry?
3
We live in a time where white supremacists have grew in numbers and some have served in the Trump white house. But then again lets rally against the NYT in its attempt to dispel dangerous racial stereotypes. The last time it was Blakenship, Roy Moore, Arpaio who have run on republican tickets. A neo nazi in Illinois run on a republican ticket. You might want to keep up a bit before pointing fingers at democrats.
17
What’s your point? Why is this important to you?
3
@Sid Griffiths,
Most of the cases mentioned in the article and in the comments happened before Trump. Why the media didn't write about them before, when all that was going on? It's the same as tweeted today's photos of immigrant children in cages.
Race isn't even close to the biggest piece of this for me
Let's say I'm walking down the proverbial dark alley by myself. If a nicely dressed black man is coming towards me with non threatening body language I'm not scared in the least. But if a white guy with neck tattoos and a tank top is walking cockily towards me it will feel dangerous.
21
A total absence of stereotyping can be dangerous. Men commit almost all rapes and way north of 90 percent of murders. It would make no sense for a woman walking along at night to pretend otherwise.
24
You may have a point, but this is why we need critical thinking courses that emphasize good statistical reasoning. What is relevant here is not the probability that someone is a man, given that they are a rapist or murderer, but the probability that they are a rapist or murderer, given that they are a man, that is, P(R|man), not P(man|R).
You left one out, although folks usually do in articles of this type.
My ex-Gf is a little over 300 pounds and she told me that people frequently mistake her for someone else because the thing everyone takes away after meeting a person of her size is how big they are, so they think they are seeing someone big that they may have met last week or last year, or such. It's a sort of "You all look alike."
Now -
I was in the outdoor pool at my local gym recently and one other guy got in, a very large man - like really big. I started talking to him about the conversation we'd had a month ago in the same pool.
"No, I just joined," he said.
It was then I realized I'd done the same thing as people do to my ex-GF.
Ouch...I felt embarrassed as hell.
13
I work in a vintage shop in an area that is not very diverse. Not long ago two African American women about the same age were in the shop at the same time (very unusual) so I made the assumption that they were friends who had come in together. Fortunately I said nothing to indicate I had jumped to this conclusion because in subsequent conversation with each of them, it became obvious they didn't know each other and had come in separately. This is a fairly benign situation but I would have hated to have them think I saw them as "types" rather than as individuals -- which I did. I spent a long time thinking this over and am SO glad I didn't open my big yap and put my foot it in it in a way that would have made them feel stereotyped. We love our customers. BTW, I am part of a multi-racial family so "I should know better."
14
Reading through the comments I am amazed at how many non-Blacks seem to think that they were themselves racially profiled or stereotyped, and how chagrined they seemby it. The absurdity of their privilege! In a world where you can literally die or be incarcerated for there mere truth of being Black or Brown in the wrong place, I find it highly offensive that anyone would equate their one off minor discomforts with the ongoing dangerous reality we face everyday.
15
Kim, I don't know which comment(s) you are referring to to see what you find offensive, but the notion that individuals who belong to a privileged group (where your assumption seems to be that everyone in the group has said privilege) do not deserve the same decency and courtesy as everyone else is contrary to the Golden Rule.
1
"everyone in the group has said privilege"
Well, of course it's the case that everyone who is white has white privilege. And part and parcel of white privilege is the privilege of denying that all white people have white privilege.
Lamont McLemore, I don't know if what you say is meant ironically, but is it clear that an unemployed white coal miner is privileged in comparison with a black Harvard professor?
Of course, never mind the thought, because it constitutes denying white privilege, which is only a function of white privilege. Wait, that is an ad hominem argument, isn't it?
Sorry if I missed the irony.
Is it "stereotyping" - or just plain racism - ?
For those who would NEVER consider themselves to be racist --
As you leave for work in the morning, you pass by your doorman. - You smile and say, "Good morning Willie" -- He replies with a smile, "Good morning Mr. Armstead."
You stop to buy your coffee at the usual place, from the nice young lady behind the counter. - As she hands you the coffee, you say - "Good morning Rosa, and how are you today?" - She smiles and replies, "I'm just great Mrs. Paulson. And how are you?"
Feeling great about yourself, you now walk into the lobby of your office building, where you must pass the security guard. As you swipe your security card, you smile and say, "Hey George - what about those Knicks?'" - And he replies, "Gee, I don't know Mr. Richards, they need help."
You exit the elevator, and run into one of the maintenance men - dressed in his blue uniform and carrying some tools. - "Hi Roberto", you say - "Can you stop by my office later, one of the vents is clogged" -- He smiles and replies, "No problem Ms. Davis, I'll stop by later this morning".
On the way to your office, you pass by Accounting, saying hi to Denise, Shawniqua and Carlos. They all return your greeting with, "Hi Mr Lieberman".
Later, you stop by the mail room to ask Jimmy for a Fed Ex box - and he replies, "Sure Ms Davis".
Now - you head for your executive committee meeting - but somehow there's nobody named Willie, Rosa, Jimmy or Shawniqua sitting at the table...
14
Pretty big assumption that that's how all those people act.
7
Pretty accurate description - and not a "pretty big assumption" - of how all those people act.
In October 1966 I joined the Army. I was just 19 and basically just a sacred to death teenager who would have much rather been back in college dating girls and having fun. Nevertheless here I was at Fort Bragg. There were a couple of white boys from the South who befriended me as well several black guys too. I think they saw that I was totally out of my element. I wasn't a very good recruit. Anything that required some physical strength or coordination was difficult. I had to practice throwing the grenade because I couldn't throw it very far. I only weighed about 145 lbs and stood six feet. If I turned sideways my shadow disappeared. Having a little more than 2 years college education one of the sergeants ordered me to help a couple of guys write letters home because they could neither read nor write. We had to write at least one letter home each week. And of course there were a couple of thugs, big white guys, who upon finding out I was Jewish just wanted to beat the hell out of me. One day several of the the belligerent white guys surrounded me and were goading me to fight, knowing full well that if I struck back they'd have an excuse to beat the stuffing out of me. Suddenly, Lyle (that's all I can remember of his name) came storming over. Lyle was black, and I had helped him write a letter. He was also 6'3" and 245 lbs. "Ok guys" he said, "Mess with my buddy and mess with me." Lyle stood beside me, ready to fight. They stood down. I survived. Lyle, thank you!
24
These stories describe racism, not stereotyping. Racism is alive and well and a deeply embedded part of American culture.
I'm glad to see that these folks confronted their thinking because usually that leads to changed perceptions.
25
White people have irrational fears about the criminality of African Americans and Latinos. Many assume that "we" are up to no good when we are simply living. Yet, US and world history demonstrate that the majority of murderers, rapists, liars and thieves were White people! Europeans killed Native Americans in North, Central and South America while also enslaving Africans for centuries! In the US, systemic violence continues through police brutality and institutionally racist local and federal policies. If anyone should be afraid, it should be "us" not White people.
44
Professor,
Slavery pre-dated Europeans.
And there was a lively trade in white slaves throughout North Africa, for centuries, before any European ever stepped foot in the Western hemisphere.
There are no good or bad races- just good or bad people.
9
Chattle slavery were being enslaved was lifelong and passed down from the child is unique to the Americas. Slavery in all other parts of the world did not have these features!
1
"there was a lively trade in white slaves throughout North Africa, for centuries"
Which centuries? What do you mean by "white slave"?
What point do you consider yourself to have made with this claim? That North Africans, being from the south shore of the Mediterranean, not the north shore, and not being Europeans, are also not white and, therefore, had no right to have white slaves?
Please read Zadie Smith writing about photographs of Deana Lawson. Please find and look at many photos by Lawson. It relates directly to this topic.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2018/05/07/deana-lawsons-kingdom-of-r...
While it wasn't me doing the challenging, I vividly recall about thirty five years ago when an African American colleague and I walked into a supposedly classy midtown Manhattan restaurant! We were both dressed in business suits, and while I was ignored by the entrance staff, my friend and colleague was asked and addressed to the extent of, Is there anything we can do for you?! It was obviously a challenge, and I was embarrassed! I think I mentioned, he's with me, but in retrospect, I should have challenged and queried the staff, as to their chutzpah and inappropriate questioning of my colleague!!!
13
Stereotyping is an unfortunate reality of being human. It affects all races genders disabilities etc.
Some situations where stereotyping may occur are sudden and fragile and do not lend themselves to the pleasure armchair philosophizing and when the conclusion goes against us rewards us with shame.
There are no easy answers here. No human is an ideal person without some degree of bias. Committing to knowing this bias is part of one is part of the process of being a better person.
12
I'm surprised that you asked for stories about a time when a person made unjust assumptions about someone in which race played a factor and seemingly received no stories in which the unjust assumptions were made in relation to a white person.
9
When African Americans make negative assumptions about whites, the don’t rush to the scene on our behalf, sometimes ready to kill the “suspect” white on the spot.
10
If you’re so genuinely surprised, Lawrence, you must know of many such stories yourself — detailing the debilitating effects of said prejudice on White personhood. Please do share!
10
Everytime I see someone who looks Irish (and who can tell by looks some?), I first wonder if the person is an illegal alien. since there are thousands of illegals from Ireland on the metro area, this is reasonable, right?
19
in 1923, maybe.
No, he means now—and he's right.
4
Yes it is reasonable. You should have your phone out and be ready to call the police if --- you know what? Just go ahead call the police, and let them sort it out. You'll be glad you did.
/eyeroll (because without an "eyeroll" someone is bound to think I was being serious. It's called Poe's Law. Look it up.)
An interesting scene in a movie whose name escapes me now: Actress Katherine Keener plays an upper-middle class West Sider who is coming out of a nice restaurant with her husband and is carrying a doggie bag. She sees an African American man outside the restaurant and, do-gooder that she is, offers him her bag. "Sir, would you like a meal?" He answers, "I'm waiting for a table."
Says it all.
46
A nice mix of instructive stories. Probably most readers, like me, could think of some like these where we were personally involved, directly or as observers.
What strikes me, however, is how poorly any of these fit the typology so prevalent in the news media in recent years:
1) A someone is accosted for the reason of being, in essence or substance, non-white.
2) As a more or less direct and immediate consequence, there is soon some sort of confrontation involving that person, and often including law enforcement.
3) The person is thereby mistreated in some non-trivial and at least very questionable way.
This little collection is a welcome corrective to a distorted and often inflammatory bias in press coverage of intergroup and interpersonal interactions.
2
But I think it's these minor incidents that are precursors to those much more harmful things.
Once when my husband and I sat down to eat at a Chick-Fil-A a well dressed older black man was leaving the restaurant. A few minutes later he came back in and was accompanied by a white man wearing a jacket with military patches. It was obvious he was a homeless veteran. The black man took him to the counter and ordered a significant amount of food for him then sat with the veteran as he ate. They had conversation and not once did the man try to preach to him or get too personal. When the veteran was almost finished eating the man who bought his meal asked if he wanted anything else to eat. Then he thanked him for his service and left.
My husband and I had come in the same door as the black man. We did not see the veteran because we were not looking. He was not judged by his appearance but just given a meal. I have often thought about the incident and wondered how many times in his life had the black man been judged because of his race.
57
Probably lots, that's why he knew he needed to acknowledge the homeless vet's humanity. It's an isolating, dehumanizing experience sometimes, being black in America, and the lesson we as people of color learn from that (some of us) is to always seek out the humanity of the people around you. It's important when that's not automatic for everyone.
17
"When I hear footsteps behind me and turn around and see a white person, I feel a sense of relief."
Jesse Jackson
Nuff said about 'stereotyping.' Which is, according to every definition, a word based on actual observations.
34
Does "Nuff said" mean conversation over because you came to this conclusion and believe it is the only possible interpretation of Jackson's meaning here? If that is the case, you have my pity.
32
Why did you even read the article, let alone the comments, to plop down and say "yup, stereotyping black people has been right all along, just ask Jesse Jackson, by way of the quote of his, that I probably took out of context"
Congratulations. You've got it aaaalllll figured out
15
Anybody who thinks there is any other 'interpretation' of what Rev Jackson meant are the only people deserving of pity.
A self defense instructor warned his students (high school girls) to always avoid ANY group of guys regardless of race, who appear to be drinking and congregated together.
48
I'm sorry thisisme; people of color are just not afforded the same "benefit of doubt" as are individuals of European descent. I highly doubt that Starbucks employee would have asked those men to leave had they not been men of color. I am CONFIDENT that 911 would not have been called.
Those of us of a certain age were taught to "dress" so we would not be perceived as a threat. However, dressing up is not always a buffer against stereotyping. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I have been in a store, a store where the employees WEAR A UNIFORM and I am NOT WEARING said uniform, a white person will come up and ask me for assistance. One particular instance, I was in a hardware store. I was wearing a SEARSUCKER SKIRT, FANCY SANDALS and a PATENT LEATHER PURSE and standing next to my brown husband who was WEARING a SUIT. A white woman wearing shorts and flip flops approached me and asked for assistance. Clearly all she saw was my skin, which is BROWN. Now you might say, maybe she was just not very bright. Maybe, but I would bet good money that she wouldn't have made that assumption had my skin been pink.
I truly appreciate Sam"s vignette. America exports racism. It's sad that I have to relate that the first person to call me the n-word was an immigrant. I was in the 2nd grade. And I will never forget how crushed I felt.
It ain't just white folk who need to...
WAKE UP!!!!!!
13
OMG I thought I had never stereotyped anyone based on race, but after reading your comment I remembered a time at Lowe’s when I asked a black man standing by the paint counter for help. He smiled and said “only if you need investment advice”.. he wasn’t wearing a suit, but he also wasn’t wearing a Lowe’s vest.
Thank you for this.
22
In 1985 I walking walking to the faculty parking garage at the University of Maryland at Baltimore. The one where the shock trauma helicopter landed. It was 12 noon. I got off the elevator. There was a young black man there. I hesitated, surprised that any young person would be in the faculty garage. I told myself not to be racist. I started to walk to my car and I turned around to look.
He had a large handgun pointed at me. He took my wallet and locked me in the trunk of my car. I am lucky to be alive. I had 3 and 5 year old children at home.
I am suspicious of everyone now. Regardless of color.
36
I think all women are scared in parking garages, and especially of men they may meet there.
26
While your experience was obviously traumatic I’m not sure what your point was, in the context of this article? That you should have been racist? Otherwise what does the perpetrators skin color have to do with it?
10
Garages are the worst. I'll do anything to avoid them. The ones at the New Haven train station, for example. I always park at the outdoor lot a few blocks away. Remember Dr Melfi in The Sopranos?
This left me shaking and in tears. I got a small taste of this a week ago. I was looking for candy in a convenience store. The clerk stood feet from me staring at me the entire time. When she went behind the counter she asked if I had anything else after I gave her the candy. I responded" you saw me the entire time -nothing else". I was testy and pissed . I am a white woman.I was profiled and it is a vile feeling.
13
Opposite experience. I was walking down a street in St Louis, MO. Tired and thirsty after a day at a conference, I heard a jazz trio playing in a basement bar. All I wanted was some music, a bit of air conditioning, and a glass of beer.
I sat down but everything felt wrong. The bartender, with sarcasm in his voice, said quietly, "I don't think you belong here, sir." The looks on the faces of the drinkers said the same.
I said, "Tell you what, I'm from Canada, a human being and not a white guy. We treat people with respect & dignity. How about one glass of beer, one, tune, and then I split?" The bartender agreed, but no one smiled.
What kind of civilization is it that puts up such absurd barriers between black and white citizens?
13
You wonder if racial stereotyping and profiling have worsened. Donald J. Trump particularly has a long history of racism-- and white nationalism has remained a theme of his presidency.
Interestingly, I had just re-read this Times article before opening Nicole Phillip's piece.
https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/01/15/opinion/leonhardt-trump-r...
5
Very useful as you've brought out elements of self-confession on an important social issue that are usually under the surface. Fascinating that so many admit to regrets.I hope it can help.
But why did you frame it the way you did? And did you miss the larger point by doing it that way?
Whites stereotyping blacks? Yes, it's done as you've shown. But what about every other permutation? What about whites stereotyping other whites, black doing it to other blacks, blacks doing it to whites, or people with X characteristic (fill in the blank) doing it to people with Y?
If it turns out, as I suspect, details aside, it's more-or-less the same basic thing, then you've largely missed the point.
You've got to ask the right question or you either don't get the right answer; or worse, get only a piece of it and mistakenly think you've got the whole thing. Then, you stop looking.
Or if I'm wrong (or part wrong) because of the fear thing so many confessed to, then that's something we're going to have to figure out how to address. It's a tough one as fear is so primal. I don't have an answer, but some are needed.
But stay on the self-confessional theme. It's bringing out some important things.
6
Feel free to post the instances of whites calling 911 on other whites, blacks calling 911 on whites, or blacks calling 911 on other blacks for being in Starbucks, grilling, moving into an apartment, or other non crimes.
21
I was at a Waffle House in Clarksville, TN, this past week eating breakfast (it's right outside Gate 3, so I often go there after PT). A young black man dropped his phone on the floor and made an involuntary gasp while reaching for it. I looked over at him quickly because I thought he'd hurt himself. It didn't even cross my mind that he might be acting oddly - I was concerned he'd spilled his coffee on himself and been burned. He saw me turn and instantly straightened up and apologized. I could practically see the thought go through his head: "Oh, please don't call the cops."
I assured him I was just worried he'd burned himself, and he thanked me and went about his day, but it made me sad. Racial stereotyping by a few "BBQ Beckys" means that now I, as a white woman, am a threat to black men on a whole new level because they have to fear I'll call the cops on them just for something as simple as dropping their phones accidentally. And I was in uniform at the time!
It's a fear I know they live with every single day, but good God, no one should endure that constant pressure. I've met black Soldiers who told me they felt safer in Afghanistan or Iraq than they have in the United States, and I know NCOs who have to talk to their black Soldiers about how to handle being pulled over by the police during safety briefings on Fridays so they don't get shot.
Is this really who we are as a country? It shouldn't be, yet somehow it is.
31
Three years ago i had a severe bout of vestibular disease - vertigo and dizziness to an extreme extent. I was sent to physical therapy to relearn how to Balance and walk.
One day i boarded the Select bus heading uptown and it was quite full. Two black men were sitting in full man spread on the seats for elderly or inform. There was a middle seat. As I could not balance on the bus - even when holding on - I needed to sit. They were extremely upset that I sat there.
Between Grand Street and 23rd Street I was subject to verbal invective and abuse by two men who were half my age and twice my size. No one on the bus - not the black busdriver (no more than 6 feet away) or any of the passengers said a word to ask them to stop abusing an older woman. This included demanding that I vacate the seat that they 'needed'. Not one person - most of whom were 20 or more years younger than I offered their seat.
The best part was when they saw a foreign language publication in my hand and accused me of being an illegal immigrant who came here to exploit the system and did not contribute in any way. They had no idea of whether I had been born here or elsewhere, whether I was or had been employed, whether my job was minimum wage or extremely high paying and taxed appropriately.
As this continued - all I could think was that had two white men behaved this way to a black woman who was ill - the entire bus would have videos it and would have arisen in outrage.
21
I remember being very poorly treated by two black women sales clerks at Saks Fifth Avenue in the 1980s. They were incredibly rude, deliberately so. Can I think of any other similar examples involving black sales clerks in my lifetime? Nope. But I can remember, on different occasions, when my last name was deliberately mispronounced as a swear (think of the surname of a famous social media CEO and what you can easily do with his last name) by white sales clerks who then smirked proudly. Can I remember any similar examples involving white sales clerks? Nope. One bad moment does not equal a major social problem.
5
An elderly physically handicapped person is verbally abused and denigrated and an entire bus remains silent as does the bus driver? This is not a major social problem? A human being who is white does not deserve a seat when they are handicapped?
How politically correct.
Thank you for this wonderful article. The writers tell us of their failings. I am glad at the moment my mirror is upstairs in my bathroom.
3
My wife and I on our first trip to Paris had heard all kinds of stories about how rude the French were and were prepared for anything. The fact is after a few weeks we were for more comfortable there than I've ever been traveling thru Alabama, Mississippi, Georgia, and South Carolina, which until the church murders regularly flew the confederate battle flag along with the state flag.
16
Because of the racism practiced by many--I, a 63-year old white woman, go out of my way to smile, make eye contact, and talk to African-Americans and others of different ethnic groups and backgrounds. I try to humanize and soften the environments I'm in. I've talked to the homeless and sat next to people who were crazy. When I can help out, I do. I want to transmit that I am a safe person and create more safety around me.
25
Most of these people did nothing wrong, but I have to admit I laughed out loud at the woman who called the police because someone was running to catch a bus.
12
Did nothing wrong? I'm going to say that's relative. You have no idea what it's like being in black skin and what role white ignorance and fear plays in endangering my life. Every. Single. Day.
16
I'm White. While on a business trip to a midwestern city in winter, I took the city bus from the airport to my downtown hotel, and missed my stop. I got off and started walking. Two African American men walked toward me, and my first thought was to cross the street. Maybe I should have as one of them sucker punched me, and the other stole my money. The bus driver, who was still idling at the stop, saw what happened in his rearview mirror. He backed the bus up and helped me inside. He too was Black.
39
@The Weasel,
But you didn't stereotype them - that's the most important thing.
7
I'm sorry to hear of your experience. A family member of mine was sitting in her car at a stop light, with her door unlocked. A black man opened the door with a knife, and demanded her purse. Another black man pulled the criminal out of the car, and chased him down the street.
You have to use common sense in all situations, but take care not to overreact. Walking alone and being approached? You move. Seeing a black family enjoying themselves at a park? Please don't call the police.
6
Thank you for this conversation.
15
Over 20 years ago, I was in a deli in Brooklyn and a group of black teenager boys were hanging out in the store and making lots of noise. I gave them a side eye and one of them said “What’s the matter? You don’t like black people?” I was horrified that I’d connected their rowdiness with their skin color. They were just a typical group of energetic teens having fun together! I still cringe when I think about it.
9
These examples just show how hardwired the rest of us are from a young age to subconsciously behave in cringeworthy ways. It's for the most part the result of closeted upbringing and negative media portrayal than actual experiences with black individuals.
How to overcome this? Interact more with black people across the spectrum. Read black literature. Watch black movies. Make black friends. Remove your veils over meals at home. Listen to them. Put yourself in their shoes. It's not an overnight change. It's a journey. A painful one at that. And it hits the hardest when the realisation eventually dawns on you that what you imagine their lives to be, is actually their reality.
They have a right to kneel. They have a right to protest. They have a right to pull the so called race card. Because their experiences are theirs and very much real. Not imagined as we do. The least we could do is support the cause in any way we can. And if we can't do that, then silence is the next best option.
Let black people be black people. Let them be people. Let them be.
69
I teach a multicultural course and echo this sentiment. Relationships are key - they interrupt racism, stereotyping and prejudice. Because I’m teaching a master’s level course, my students think books have all the answers. In this situation, they don’t. There is more within group differences than between groups. You have to go out and get to know people.
9
Sorry, "thisisme"; overwhelmingly, people of color are just not given the same "benefit of the doubt" as are individuals of European descent. I highly doubt the Starbucks employee in Philadelphia would have asked those men to leave had they been of European descent; I am confident that 911 would not have been called.
Those of us of a certain age were trained from an early age about "dressing approximately" so we wouldn't be perceived as a threat. Dressing well doesn't always serve as a buffer. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many times I have been in a store, a store where staff WEAR UNIFORMS, and I am NOT DRESSED in that uniform and a white person will come up and ask me for assistance. One particular instance, I was in a hardware store, wearing a SEARSUCKER SKIRT, SANDALS and WHITE PATENT LEATHER BAG, standing next to my black husband who was WEARING a SUIT. A white woman in shorts and sandals approached and asked me for assistance. Clearly she only saw my skin.
And I know that my multiple degrees and comfortable salary are not a shield...
I appreciate the vignette from the person of South Asian descent. America exports racism. It's unfortunate that I have to say - the first person to call me the n-word was an immigrant. I was in the 2nd grade. And I will never forget it.
It ain't just white folk who need to....
WAKE UP!!!
46
To the extent there is racism in South Asia, it more likely comes from Britain, not America. Many Asian countries were British colonies and the colonial regimes were massively racist. Many British novels of the late 19th century through the first few decades of the 20th contain the n-word - to refer to Indians.
8
Indians had color and race prejudices long before the arrival of the British. The British left India 70 years ago, and race and color prejudice continues unabated.
I am a white woman, but (especially when I was younger) for some reason have also often been mistaken for a store employee - even though I was wwearing "street clothes" or work/professional dress. I always thought it was just because I acted so much in charge of my space. !!
It's not happening only to black people. You can be white but belong to the wrong "tribe" to suffer similar prejudice. I was told a couple of times that I should be shot or gassed because of where I was born. Just shrug it off, not worth getting an ulcer for. If someone is so intimidated by me, doesn't that put ME into the stronger position?
It also happens to women all the time. When I was an intern, during ward rounds the patients would routinely address me, male and 6'2", as 'doctor' and my diminutive female attending as 'nurse'. That was more of a problem.
28
Still, we’ve come a long way; many decades ago, a riddle involving a Doctor was going around. To solve the riddle you had to think way outside the box - The Doctor was a woman!
Now, at a major teaching hospital, when the interns and residents gather around my wife’s bed during morning rounds, half are women.
By the way, the Twentieth Century book that most changed the world was Betty Friedan’s “The Feminine Mystique.” Thanks, Betty.
5
As a young female attorney, it happened more than once that people assumed I was a secretary or a paralegal. I don't think that ever happened to the young male attorney I worked with.
6
I really don't know what to think about these confessionals;a public Catharsis by anonymous persons is supposed to do- what? Have your lives changed. Have you gone on to be better people or is this just a feel-good moment of selfish self congratulations?
9
So, those of you highlighted, what did you ( us, I’m a Caucasian lesbian) do differently after the experience of dawning understanding or embarrassment for our assumptions?
5
These very touching anecdotes do not undermine the fact that stereotyping is a normal and valuable protective mechanism that exists because it has positive selective effects. That is, not every black person is a threat, but he (or she) might be.
10
But since not every white person is a threat, but he (or she) might be, stereotyping on the basis of race is useless.
9
Funny--how can innocent black folks protect themselves from your "protective mechanism?"
12
@Deering24,
Innocent black folks cannot protect themselves from the "protective mechanism" - and that's the fault of not innocent black folks. We all carry the burden, or advantages, of our belonging to our group, we cannot escape what was given to us at birth. It's cruel, but it's life.
My wife and I (pale folks from New England) had the opportunity to own a successful small business in the Caribbean for 10 years. Most of the residents and the power of the government was in the hands of West Indians. It was a positive experience with a lot of learning thrown in.
It would be very helpful if more white folks had the experience of living as a minority in such a setting. In such a setting you learn that angels, thugs, lovers, and jerks come in many colors. Stereotypes by race are crippling.
52
It's great you had that experience, it really is. Of course, I don't know if you had major social difficulties in navigating a community in which you were the minority, or if you had to cope with/triumph over any Caribbean version of "Red Lining" when you were looking for a home or trying to start your business.
What I do know is: White people's agency is their currency, and it is accepted internationally, regardless of whether or not they are in the minority. They get to live in under-served countries with people of color, enjoy the food and feeling of welcome, and they get to leave. Then, they go back to largely white neighborhoods. Maybe they they reflect upon their racial bias and that of their white neighbors and strive to become more inclusive. Or, maybe they panic when the public schools integrate, and move to even whiter communities.
When people of color go to white American neighborhoods to live and start a business, nowadays they are greeted with MAGA hats, ICE, nervous calls to 911, and ultimately, white flight.
Maybe it would be good if more white people lived in settings where they were in the minority. I only hope that the people of color who lived there first aren't priced out.
16
@debbru Your experience reminded me of when I longed for a Caribbean life of sand and sea, and moved to the Bahamas. I had a letter of recommendation from a prominent US attorney to the Secty of Education in the newly formed Bahamian government who was a friend of his. The Secty was warm, interviewed me in a professional and friendly manner, and then apologized saying that he could not hire me. When I asked why, considering he had seemed impressed with my credentials, he explained it was because I was white, and that the new gov't policy was only when the applicants from local black population had been exhausted, could they hire from another pool. It was both an eye-opener, and a reminder that being white is not nor should be a privilege. The measure of a person is in their actions and the way they comport themselves through their lives. I became more "aware" and hopefully a better person through that experience.
1
I think it's good to remember: people are mostly good. All races. Okay, everyone, go ahead. Call me a Pollyanna.
14
The problem with many - if not all - of these stories and experiences is experience and exposure --
Most white =, liberal and progressive readers of the NY Times have been in social and/or business situations where 99% of the one-hundred-or-more people attending the function are while -- with maybe three or five attendees are black --
Large corporate dinners, not-for-profit fund-raising events, democratic or activist rallies, charity functions, community sporting events - etc --
During the event, you always run into one of those few black people - and you're always delighted to see them and think what "nice people they are" - and feel so good about yourself -
But how many of those white people have ever been to a function with a hundred black attendees where YOU were one of the only two or three white people in the room - ?
I started having those experiences at a very young age - partly due t my mother who actually walked the liberal walk - and then due to my making childhood friends with a black man - and his family - which continues today - almost fifty years later --
These stories of stereotyping strangers are engendered from a point where most white people don't even know how to have a conversation with a black person without feeling awkward or needing to be slightly "on guard" --
My wife is black - and frequently I attend family gatherings where I am the only white person in sight - but because of my fortunate life experiences - it becomes irrelevant...
29
In the late 1980s I owned a retail store in a 99% white community. We never had any people of color shop. I went to small racially integrated schools in New York and PA and my college and army experience was also one of racial integration. To my great embarrassment when a black shopper once stopped in I shamefully followed him around the store. I felt like we were going to be robbed. I caught myself and was upset with the way I was disrespectful toward another ordinary shopper. I know that he was aware that I was shadowing him and I embarrassed myself. On another occasion at an Arby's restaurant I once also became scared to death as very large black man approached me and I prepared to either run or fight...suddenly the man smiled and said "Hi Jay! Recognize me? We went to high school together!" Then he laughed out loud and said "I know, I know. I scared you death!" He was one of the nicest guys but, I thought he was just going to beat me to death and take my wallet...just because he was big and black. I'm embarrassed and ashamed.
25
45 years ago a friend at work invited me to dinner with my husband to the South Bronx. He was sullen about taking the subway with only a token, but we were penniless in those days of youth, and we arrived at my friend's building, where the children in the lobby stared at us as if we were the first white people they had ever seen.
Our hostess, born in North Carolina, had gone to the trouble of making favorite recipes from this State, and before sitting at the table with her husband, their eleven-year old girl started dancing. Genuinely impressed, I exclaimed 'You People Dance So Well'. We had a fine dinner and then her husband took us home in his car.
My husband was hopping mad on our return and gave me an earful about the definition of a 'Stereotype'. He was livid, and all this was news to me. Growing up in Europe, students were not taught about this sensitive topic.
Reading these comments make me feel embarrassed, because I forgot to bring my friend a gift. Something, a token of appreciation that I could have brought from our apartment.
Earlier, a friend outside of Baltimore told me of a man who came to her door asking for directions but she told him she could not let him in. I did not ask to be let in, he replied. He then sat outside for a few minutes, before taking off in his car.
She goes to every Continent on humanitarian mission, without blinking. This incident bothered her, but whether the stranger was black or white never came up during our exchange.
4
There are all kinds of stereotypes, not just racial. And none of us are immune to evoking these. We tend to criticize/judge anyone who is not like us. If we are honest with ourselves, we can see how we judge others constantly. And if someone is not on "my team" (be it religion, race, gender, sex, physical appearance, age, financial status, location, profession, social interests, political interests, etc...) we silently or overtly judge. Jewel has a poignant song about this entitled "Pieces of you", with the refrain "do you hate her because she is pieces of you?" Recognizing that we do form quick, stereotypical judgments is the first step in addressing this as a problem. I feel the need to be extra nice to someone who is not "just like me to" to "prove" i do not judge/stereotype. Yet, by doing this, i am indeed stereotyping. I don't know how to not see characteristics of another and not form an instant opinion. Some of these "instincts" are about self preservation. Yes, as a woman, if a man: black, white or purple, followed me down a subway, i'd be scared. Perhaps anyone would be scared is someone followed down the subway. i want to lose my stereotypes and not be so immediately judgmental. Am not exactly sure how to do that...but will keep trying.
8
I am a Hispanic female and many of my coworkers are black females. When the subject of profiling and racism come up, we all say that there are times that if we see a young Hispanic or black male walking near us at night, we will cross to the other side of the street. This is not about racism since we all have friends and families that are Hispanic and black, it is just the reality of who commits the crime in our neighborhoods.
75
And your story is also more about sex and gender differences. Women need to protect themselves, particularly when alone and at night. There’s no need to apologize for that.
14
Diane, I have no idea why the distinction you draw--between sex or gender on the one hand, and race on the other--is in any way legitimate. If the kind of discrimination you make is not sexist, why is Const's racist?
1
You mention Hispanic as though it is a race, it is not. Are you white or black? How would I distinguish a "Hispanic male" from any other man in terms of knowing when to cross the street? Btw, men can cross the street too if they see you as a potential victim.
1
Kudos to the nyt for taking a risk with this piece. I'm not really sure what to think of it but i guess that's the point.
7
Let’s flip the situation around. I am a white woman living in Oakland, Ca., a vibrant and culturally diverse society. I was also raised in Southern California and was one of the early waves of public school attendees who attended fully integrated schools. I say this because I have been aware of my intrinsic bias my whole life and work hard against it. So much so that on more than one occasion I’ve overlooked what felt to be dangerous situations because I did not want to be “biased”. The result - I’ve been mugged on more than one occasion and witnessed multiple break-ins all in broad daylight, all committed by men of color. Several could have been avoided if I HAD NOT worked against my bias - I just smiled, kept walking and made myself a target. And, I wouldn’t change a thing because I believe in my right and power to walk my streets, and being able to trust until proven wrong is a value I hold dear.
That said, it does get tiresome. How am I to continue feeling empathy and argue for the rights of people not like me when those who violate my space are of color?
47
In the rural area where I live we have bears at night who are looking for free food. My neighbors were enjoying a moonlight walk, saw what looked like a mobile barrel, and sprinted home like antelopes. Who goes for a walk at night, asked a widow recently, when hearing of this red flag.
The spring moon looks appealing to this dweller, and if I take a flashlight for guidance, should I get flattened, questions are going to be asked of what was I thinking of. It was sheer luck that a woman took me out of the cold when we had a power outage. You did not look very threatening, she added, but let us beware of 'strangers in the night'.
A friend and neighbor, a free spirit in New York, let a man into her apartment because he was a volunteer census population inspector. What happened next is heartbreaking and they were both white.
If you have been mugged, and witness to acts of vandalism by men of color, you might not be as powerful as you think it is in your right to be, and it helps when common sense steps in. This is also known as cold reality where you are to be found at the right place at the wrong time.
3
Were you victimized because of the color of our skin? I think there are people of color, black people who have similar stories. I certainly do. You can racialize it if you want. That's your choice. I can't (I'm black), so I don't.
15
You live in Oakland! I lived across the street from Lake Merritt for 8 years, which is a nice, fun place to be, but not particularly safe, especially at night.
Everyone needs to be cautious and aware of safety. You can work on not being racist while still using common sense.
21
In recent years, a protagonist in a story in the elite media is often described as a "white male", with the literary equivalent of a meaningful glance. And the reader is expected to understand that this tells us all we need to know about him.
Could this be a demonstration of the practice of stereotyping? Clearly it doesn't embarrass the writers of these pieces. Perhaps they believe that stereotyping can take place only with respect to members of victimized groups and that with dominant ones they are simply employing a convenient shorthand.
11
I want to thank each contributor for their comments. I've eagerly awaited the response to the call for stories on this one. I do have to say that my heart aches to read these stories knowing there are so many more out there. I'm African American and I can trace my family's history to a slave woman who's birth was recorded in 1813 in Virginia. It just hurts to know my children will have to continue to deal with this sort of thing probably for their lives...not the content of their character but the color of their skin. My heart just aches....
28
As an Afro American, I am very grateful for all who shared their stories. I finally visited London recently. For one week I was not judged as "black," The people of color I met were Jamaican, from Cote d'ivoire, from Mauritius. It is way past time to abandon the specious construct of race, except for redress and statistical analysis. We are all impoverished by 400 years of othering, excluding, and errant presumption.
16
Blessinggirl,
There is a cultural difference between African-Americans, Africans and The Islands. This lesson was given by an Ethiopian colleague who had words with an African American security guard.
She explained that African Americans on occasion feel that Africans show signs of being superior and are regarded as snobs by these Americans.
When slavery was abolished, social stigma had set in, and our Country shows signs of sliding back to the days when 'people knew their place'. Let us not give in or give up; those of us who care are working hard to keep moving, and Stacey Abrams, a black woman from Georgia, is the first Democratic contender for Governor. It is a renewal of faith and hope.
2
@Ms Ley - Please refrain from lecturing us from on high on the cultural differences among black people and what blacks need to do.
The common thread here is that most White Americans and many immigrants discriminate against (young) Black men. A way to combat this deep seated racism is first to call awareness to it, and second to make an effort to have a wide and diverse group of people you associate with ... and I am not talking about "I have one gay friend, one Black friend, etc." - As a person who has been in an interracial relationship for 15+ years, I always notice how separated bars and restaurants are. And even when people of different racial backgrounds are in these places, they tend to sit on separate tables, only leading me to conclude that their group of friends are all of the same race; of course with the exception of many Whites and East Asian Americans.
5
My mom loved to shop and didn’t drive so we walked to Frankfort avenue at least one a week. Early 50s, I was in a stroller my brother was three years old walking on the side. When you cross torresdale Avenue it was one of the oldest black neighborhoods, free black from The 1700s. We were always just a white mom and her kids going shopping and treated kindly. As my mom Blanche, treated all she met. She was a good role model to me.
8
While these stories may be painful to share, and I thank you all for doing so, I can’t read any more of this. I just can’t.
While it may be painful to realize the shortcomings of your own supposed liberal mindset, there is nothing more painful than being on the receiving end... or of living with the (sadly realistic) expectation of the next time you’ll be confronted with a micro (or macro) aggression.
The salt water of these abundant tears of self-pity is stinging the wounds of my enslaved ancestors and those of my friend’s 4 year old whose peer very recently told her he doesn’t ‘play with brown kids’.
Take a beat to wallow in pity, but when you regain your bearings, think about how you’re going to be an ally, and raise generations of allies so that the innate biases that plague your own minds won’t spread to future generations.
15
I have a "funny" story of self-fear of racial stereotyping when there was in fact no racial filing.
As an Asian man, I get mistaken for many stereotyped jobs, like while I was at a function in my tuxedo, one the other guests, an older white man, said "I'll have a whiskey" as I was walking by.
So I've perfected the art of ignoring the offender in situations like this, because quickly the offender realizes his mistake and slinks away.
But this story is particularly ironic. I was at a Best Buy in Manhattan, and an African American guy came up to me and started asking me questions about which product he should buy. Well, right away, I thought, well, he's asking me because I'm Asian, he thinks I'm some tech geek. So I ignored him and I walked away.
But instead of slinking away, he kept following me throughout the store and kept asking me in a louder and louder voice "Can you hear me now?" Then I realized that he thought I worked there, and I was ignoring him because he was black. So as an aggrieved black man, he was not about to be ignored, he had every right, as far as he was concerned, to be treated with the same respect as any other customer.
Of course, I couldn't tell him I didn't work at Best Buy, it'd embarrass him, so I left.
As I was leaving, a Best Buy employee said "have a nice day" so I smiled at her and I thought, how unusual for a woman to be wearing a blue polo shirt and khaki pants, just like me.
26
That is hilarious! You can't wear the same clothes as the workers!
My husband wears a red fleece vest to Lowes and immediately becomes staff. He's a black man. This story is mistaken identity, and you should have told him you didn't work at Best Buy! It might have ended up being a laugh and learning experience for both of you.
2
we tend to jump to conclusions based on first glance
in Australia when I see a group of young aboriginal teenagers walking fast in running shoes I tend to assume they're looking to steal someone's handbag - I've seen it too many times
but in Sydney I also once walked past a US Navy? sailor in full white dress uniform - he was black - he looked so dazzling and smart all I could think of was wow - he looked the most deserving of respect of anyone I'd seen !
4
I actually think everyone stereotypes strangers...that is why we need to communicate, so that the stranger becomes a person to us. The stereotyping can be about race, about gender, about clothing choice, about economic status.
It is sad when we do not allow ourselves to get beyond these stereotypes. And it can be embarrassing when we acted based on stereotype rather than reality. But, just feel embarrassed, and apologize if it is possible or appropriate, and appreciate the humanity of each person in the encounter.
7
I'm still working through my own related story. I'm a young woman who, like most young women, is often harassed on the street. I usually go out of my way to avoid this harassment--crossing the street or avoiding eye contact. It's pretty much second nature at this point. Several times black men have confronted me when they see I seem nervous, like they did to the woman on the subway, with comments like, "I don't bite." I feel immediately ashamed that race may have influenced my actions, but I also feel defensive, because I know all too well that people of all races see women's friendliness as an opportunity to engage in ways that make me feel really uncomfortable. I feel stuck.
48
Women rely on their intuition of what’s going on in a situation, and it’s an important part of self-preservation. Remember that sexual predators groom their prey by gradually normalizing behavior that actually violates norms. This starts small and increases as defenses crumble. The predator relies on appeals to your better nature to make their case.
I have no knowledge of the intent of these men who comment “I don’t bite”, but I think that you are correct to listen to your intuition on this. Women have too much at stake here.
13
Agreed. Any man who would make a comment like that should check his intentions first, not chastise you for your common-sense street smarts.
8
But the question is - how those stereotypes were born, why those stereotypes are what they are?
5
A couple of these were troubling, especially the person who saw a crying child alone in a phone booth and immediately thought "drug criminal." (Though she was immediately rightly ashamed of this response.)
However, if you live in a large and densely populated city, you can't afford not to be on your guard. There's a difference between disliking the very presence of people of color in your neighborhood and having safety concerns -- particularly if you're a woman -- when men are either lurking in proximity to you, following you after you were just at an ATM, or running at you at a full sprint.
There were relatively few disclosures from people who saw non-white people in entirely innocent contexts (such as sitting in a coffee shop, playing golf, or carrying luggage) and nonetheless felt threatened, only later to rethink the situation. I'd be interested in how many of those people have regrets, and how many still feel justified in their response.
7
It was a tiring day at work and feeling slightly troubled, I stopped at a local crowded deli to get some take-out for dinner on my way home. A young black man, tidy in appearance, rose to his feet from his table and asked if he could shake my hand. I have noticed you before, he added in this brief encounter, and you have a quiet presence about you, before resuming his seat. All this was unexpected, and while feeling encouraged by his compliment, it reminded me of how often eyes are watching you in the street while going about one's daily business.
It did not leave me with a feeling of regret, but a pleasant memory.
4
“Entirely innocent contexts,” sounds awfully presumptions. It implies that person unlike you practically as to bend over backwards not to be seen as a threat. Frankly, as a black man, I have given up trying to “signal” my lack of criminal intention because ultimately, I cannot undo someone else’s racism. Without the will to rise above racist stereotypes, there is nothing a person from an “othered “ group can do to change the discriminator’s mind.
9
The young woman alone in a subway station should not feel ashamed for being jumpy that a man followed her down the stairs. I would feel nervous in that situation with a man of any color, but she should (and probably did) learn to be less conspicuous about it.
6
I very much DOUBT if you saw a White man in a suit , you would feel nervous
1
Obviously you are not female. For most women, any male of any color is a potential threat when out alone on the street, subway, elevator, etc.
5
10 years ago I was living in Boston. Very late one night I had to drive a friend to the BU Hospital in the South End to see a relative who had been seriously injured in an accident. I left the hospital at about 3am and walked to my car, which was parked on a nearby dark street. I noticed a man following me, and I got a bit nervous. I opened the car door and sat down, quickly locking the car door behind me.
I immediately felt guilty- had I not just profiled the man? Was I paranoid to lock the door? No sooner had those thoughts gone through my mind and the man was banging on the glass of my car window, yelling and furiously trying to open the door. I was able to get out of my parking spot, in spite of him, and drove away unharmed.
If I hadn’t profiled that man, I expect I would have been mugged or worse.
9
If I were leaving a hospital or a 24-hour convenience store at 3:00 a.m. and a man was following in my footsteps, I would be on the alert and it would not matter if he were green with yellow antennas, an elegant figure in a tuxedo or anything other, than a sense of relief that I had reached my car, with a reminder to be more careful in the future.
5
Your response to being approached by anyone be they Black, White, Red or Yellow at 3 in the morning seems to be common sense.
3
My different story is one that pressed into my mind like hot steel and stayed there. I was traveling home on a break from college in Texas when we stopped at a small store in Arkansas. Rushing through the aisles to avoid delaying my traveling companions, I came upon an elderly black woman. She moved aside for me as if I were the king of England. Shocked and not accustomed to the ways of the old south, I didn't know what to say.
Oh how I have wanted to retrace my steps and tell her that she should be honored one, that there was no need to give way to a college boy looking for snacks. As an active supporter of the civil rights movement, I felt a degree of shame that I couldn't find the right words at the moment.
Another time years later here in the DC area, I was in an electronics store when a black man asked the clerk a question. The salesperson immediately started talking in an exaggerated version of southern "black talk". He told the sales guy that he should throw him through the window.
When I was leaving, the black man who had been so rudely insulted was walking out. Again, I failed. I should have said something, offered to go to the manager with him. My only excuse is that things were tense between races in the area at that time period.
I would never allow either to happen now without a response. I am eager and alert for opportunities to show my respect and, yes, to make up for my unfortunate mistakes. Not "white guilt", just a desire for fairness and inclusion.
14
I was a premed student on a flight to San Francisco, reading an assignment in my Physics textbook.It was difficult material, and I was probably reading very slowly. Sitting next to me was an African American man, slightly older than me. He looked over and asked me what I was reading. I told him it was a Physics textbook, in a tone, I'm afraid, that implied "not that you know anything about it". "Oh", he said, "I'm a professor of physics at Stanford University".
24
The pattern that most often emerged in this article was that a person, usually white, sees someone or a group of people, most often black, and the first response is fear. Later, it is clear that the person or persons meant no harm, and often sought to help the frightened white person. As a black person who been nice to white strangers who probably feared me, I can’t help but say “ why bother?” Acts of decency and goodwill rarely seem to change perception. Might it not be better to avoid any sort of social interaction with white strangers? These stories are told by people of conscience and goodwill. My gut feeling is that such people are more rare than many want to admit. Is a black person showing kindness worth the risk of close contact with a confirmed bigot?
7
Yes! I will never, ever, forget the time, in 1970, when I, a young white woman, took the wrong bus and got off at 110th and Amsterdam at about 11:00 pm. As I stood confused on the corner a young black man came over, told me I was in a dangerous neighborhood, and waited with me until a bus came that would get me home to 110th and Broadway. This act of kindness has always stayed with me.
7
I have observed too many black people be mistreated when they were attempting to be kind or to assist white people. I have experienced it first-hand myself. Never again. It is too dangerous in today's climate for a black person to assist, be nice to, or seek help from white people. You could end up having 911 called on you, tased, shot or worse. You are better off maintaining a sense of self-preservation as you go about your day.
7
Lynn in DC, your post reminds me of a story a classmate in college told my mother back in the 1940s. When her friend was a boy, living in Marengo County, Alabama, and he along with his father were riding their wagon into town. They came upon a car with white women passengers who had been in a car wreck. The were crying for help, the boy’s father told him “we cannot go over there; we cannot be seen touching white women.” According to my mother’s friend, none of the women survived. In a Jim Crow, lynch-happy state like Alabama, it was far too dangerous to show these women compassion.
The sad thing today is that the lynch mob is gone, but it has been replaced by police who know how frame any incident where someone is killed in a way that will acquit them. We also have wide spread concealed carry and stand your ground laws. Dealing with white strangers is dangerous for blacks, especially men and boys, because as some have said in these responses, even whites who know a black person may see their color or size before they actually recognize the person.
7
A colleague sought me out at the end of our lunchtime. He was nearing 40, African American, impeccably dressed, and all of 5’4” tall. He was shaking with rage as he sought my attention. He had gone to a well known Mens haberdashery to buy a new tie.
Despite being dressed entirely in that brand’s clothing, every salesman in the store had pretended he wasn’t there. T watched as several other men entered the store, received courteous assistance, made purchases and left. Every one of those customers was white. T concluded that he had been snubbed due to his race.
T asked my opinion of what he should do. I suggested he write to corporate headquarters with a copy to the local store’s manager. Within days, he received a phone call from headquarters apologizing for what had happened and soon received a gift certificate worth about $100. T returned the certificate with a note explaining that he would never enter one of their stores again.
I write this because my colleague is not here to share his story; he tragically died only a few years later. I have always been proud that he felt safe confiding in me, a white woman close to him in age and outlook.
16
After meeting my college-age son's flight at the airport, we were riding in the parking garage elevator. It stopped at a floor, and a neatly dressed African-American man pushing a large wheeled cart got on. I wasn't even paying that much attention but my mind must have automatically said "janitor." While entering the elevator he turned the cart around and I saw it was a side by side double stroller, not a waste bin. He was just another passenger or family member, not custodial staff. I still cringe at how instantaneously I had misinterpreted what I saw.
55
It took courage and introspection for each of these individuals to share their stories. Undoubtedly, most of us have a reaction to someone or to a situation which we regret. Hopefully, making us aware of how biases work will make us more conscientious of being the people we aspire to be, and of treating others with the dignity they deserve.
80
It takes self-awareness and humility to acknowledge racial bias. It takes courage for those who are racially profiled day-in, and day-out to put a smile on their face despite knowing that they will be racially profiled. This is a constant for us--moving through the world knowing we are always viewed with suspicious eyes.
10
one way I try to combat intrinsic bias is to acknowledge my bias and let myself have the racial/whatever moment. and then kick my intellect in gear, realize what I am doing and create an empathetic story of their lives that are likely less fortunate than mine. that pretty much makes any fear/judgements disappear.
29
Or maybe their lives are more fortunate than yours? Assuming otherwise is, well, there is no nice way to say this - a racist bias.
6
I read each story and realized I could have been the writer for many of them based on irrational fears.
This is a wonderful concept to have people show how they made wrong judgments and how we each can examine our "knee-jerk" or stereotypical learned responses.
Please print more of them.
Please ask people who realized they were on the receiving end of stereotypical behavior to describe how they felt.
Please ask how dialogue can change our perceptions and our lives for the better.
117
You asked how people on the receiving end of the racial stereotyping feel, and as someone who is a regular recipient of such stereotyping, I can tell you that my response can vary from:
- wanting to ignore it and pretending that the stereotyping did not happen
- outrage and wanting to prove that I really *can* speak English (I'm Asian)
I recognise that each ethnicity suffers from its own stereotypes (and the myth that I can't speak English is fairly quickly dispelled), but all I can say is that it must be a pretty heavy burden to be assumed to be a criminal when you are just going about your day.
27
I went to the music festival Bonnaroo in Tennessee one year. Camped next to a van with Georgia plates and a sticker that said “WP” on it.
Obviously, to me at the time, they were racist Georgians who had a “White Power” or “White Pride” sticker on their vehicle.
I ignored their presence for the first day and a half, not wanting to engage with these racists and wondering what the heck they were doing at a music festival like Bonnaroo, which has a diverse selection of people, art and music.
Finally, as it’s hard to camp right next to people and have no interaction at all, we began talking.
“What’s the sticker mean?”, I asked them.
“You got’ta hear Widespread Panic!,” they told me, “They’re headlining tonight! They’re fantastic!”
It was the first time I heard that jam band and they were, indeed, fantastic. I’ve seen them several times since.
The Georgians, it turned out, were a bunch of reggae loving mellow southern boys who enjoyed all types of music. Based on my not talking to them and my New York license plate, they had assumed I was a fast talking New Yorker who didn’t like southerners.
It’s a lesson that has stuck with me for years: Don’t make assumptions.
199
I think there's a lot of racism in the US, and everywhere in the world actually. But let's not confuse acting a certain way because of someone's race with acting a certain way because of the situation. For instance, the woman walking down the steps with a man walking behind her--it wouldn't matter what race that man was, I think any young woman would/should feel more on guard. Similarly with the guy who thought the kid might have stolen the woman's change from the bar--was his assumption based on the fact that the kid was black (then that's racist) or was it because of his proximity to where the act took place? The lady who froze at Toys R Us--who wouldn't freeze when you see a man running towards you frantically, regardless of race? The Indian lady that admits to being a bigot because she was specifically "watching out" for African-Americans--yes, that's clearly racist. I'm not too convinced about the other ones.
82
All of these people specifically cited race as the main factor in escalating their fears. They expressly responded to a query about when they realized race was a mitigating factor in their behaviors. While circumstances could certainly make anyone suspicious irrespective of their race, I’m unsure why you are trying to tell these people how they really feel. Why are you trying to remove the race equation from these narratives? Curious.
20
These stories were all in the writers own words and experiences. They are the ones pointing out that indeed it was because the person was black that made them concerned in that instance.
That is the point.
The point is that those people have had, or might have had, a similar experience where the other person was white and not had the same reaction.
18
I’m all for rational assessments of complex situations, but these writers submitted their stories for this particular themed collection. And each specifically described feeling that race influenced their thoughts and/or behavior. I don’t see how you can argue with their accounts of their own experiences. Brother/sister--your questioning of the “confessors” in this way feels like a flimsy new twist on the tactic of discrediting victims of bias and harassment.
22
This series of vignettes reminds me of back in the day. Waiting for the [always notoriously late] F train at the Bergen St. station in Brooklyn, on my way to work In Manhattan, I attempted to turn over a tape in my Sony Walkman when the contraption suddenly popped out of my hands and landed on the tracks. An African American kid with a backpack jumped down and picked it up. “Oh well,” I thought: finder’s keepers.” Imagine my utter delight when the kid pulled himself back up to the platform, approached me with his hand outstretched and said, “I think you dropped this”.
83
I racially stereotype all the time unfortunately. But usually then, I realize exactly what I'm doing and the stupidity of my thoughts and choose to act differently.
Fortunately, I've been blessed (and sought out) so many friends of different races, sexes, classes, etc. It helps that I live in such a racial diverse area.
27
@dolly patterson: "I racially stereotype all the time..." WHY? And- since you realize "the stupidity of my thoughts..." Why are you still so willing to do stupid things... You can't say you choose to act differently if you also say you are racially stereotyping people- "all the time". Your statement is unbelievable.
3
I racially stereotype bc I was brought up to do so. it's that simple.
Why don't you read Carl Jung's writing on the "Shadow?"
But I am almost positive no one cd call me a racist today. Indeed 2 of my closest friends are black. My son's godfather is gay. My world is inclusive and loving.
It is very difficult to overcome our childhood conditioning. Good on you; keep fighting the good fight.