This is an important article to print on Mother's Day. Grief in general is not given enough space in our society and this is most definitely true for grieving mothers who are supposed to be grateful if their child is ok even if they have just experienced a major loss.
The comments in this thread illustrate just how judgmental people can be about how you "should" grieve.
I recently gave a short talk on this based on my research on grief and loss where I talk about how important it is to fully grieve our losses so we can make room for life! Link below
https://youtu.be/uzoTYHRGux4
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As if losing a new born wasn't bad enough, over the following weeks we received complimentary subscriptions to parenting magazines, packages of diapers, formula and other baby products all accompanied by cheerful congratulatory messages and best wishes for our bouncing baby daughter.
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My sister lost her 3rd baby shortly after birth, she knew ahead of time he wouldn't make it, but wanted to give him every chance, it was very sad. We still speak of him.
I lost a beautiful baby at birth also. It was 1970 and I was unmarried with a boyfriend who left me.
I had to carry her for almost ten months, alone, away, shamed, abandoned, and knowing I would never even see her, sign her away to "better" parents- and then never speak of her again. It was as if she died- but I "deserved" it.
Its the same terrible grief, a mother lost her baby, my baby lost her mother. The difference is there was not one shred of sympathy for the "birth" mother. I wept for and about her for years.
I do agree, talking about loss of a baby can help-and having a listening ear without judgement can help a lot.
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Ten months?
Full term pregnancy is 40 weeks (and sometimes goes beyond for several weeks) - So yes, 10 months of pregnancy.
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It happens. My nephew was 3 weeks late.
Important story, compassionately written. My dear friend lost her infant son just days after he was born and, 25 years later, I know she still grieves for and remembers Timothy. We need to honor and support these parents.
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You have three healthy children but all your efforts into them and not what might have been.
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She lost a child! Of course should be able to remember & grieve that loss while *also* taking care of the surviving children. One doesn't take away from the other.
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I truly don't think you understand what makes people tick. Often that is a mixture of grief and love. This is what we call human.
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Time to put some effort into understanding others and learning some empathy- or taking a long, hard look in the mirror.
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My aunt whom I was close to violently committed suicide when my second child (who suffered colic) was a few weeks old. I also had a 1.5 yr old and was juggling both children while my husband worked long hours six days per week. It was the hardest time of my life. I was very isolated and fell into post-partum depression. I was lucky as I was able to seek a therapist and heal eventually, but I am glad people are writing about this. The pregnancy/postpartum period are such a physically and emotionally demanding time, and women need more support no matter what. When you add grief into the mix it is so hard. Thank you to these women who shared their stories. My heart goes out to all of you.
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Friends and family should understand that this is all a person is thinking about, and that it may be that way for quite a while, and that’s normal.
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The oxygen, the noise of life literally stopped.
My sister died suddenly 5 weeks after my second child was born. It's been almost 24 years and I still become highly emotional and can feel what it felt like, even now. Death when it comes so close to welcoming life is an incredibly difficult event to live, having strong and loving connections in ones life is what allows us to continue living.
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