Netflix, Amazon Prime Video, Hulu...women are constantly being show drinking wine to deal with stress. Most of these women are teens - forties - (let's face it, old women are marginalized in America and not seen as valuable in a t.v. series). I'm fed up with cute pro-wine coffee mugs and t-shirts.
63
I'm of similar age to the women in this article. So I'm thinking about that Huey Lewis song "hip to be square." I wasn't a party girl when I was a younger woman and I rarely drank even socially. Church Sunday mornings and the gym five days per week, plus cooking and baking all the time to ensure I ate well. If I was stressed, I found an effective solution to the problem.
17
A study from 2006 found that people who begin drinking at 14 have about a 50% lifetime chance of developing alcohol dependence, while people who begin at 21 have about a 9% chance. This is after accounting for things like family history of alcoholism, depression, smoking, and drug use, which all increase the risk.
I'm an alcoholic. I came pretty close to death at least 4 times during my drinking years. My wife (who also has alcoholism on her side of the family, though she is a very moderate drinker herself. 1-2 drinks once or twice a week, and never drinks in front of our daughter) and I are hoping that by relaying these statistics and my personal experiences to our daughter (she's currently only 7), that we can hopefully convince her to delay trying alcohol until her 20s. Might be a pipe dream, but that's the goal.
By using alcohol as a crutch for dealing with stress, parents aren't sending a good message to their kids. There are far healthier ways of dealing with stress. Exercise, meditation, a constructive hobby, etc.
32
This article opened my eyes to an issue of which I was unaware. I have no children so I cannot speak from experience; however I do not handle stress well and never have. I appreciate the author of this article for giving me something to think about in today’s stressful world.
22
Heavy drinking among people under 40 is really an indictment of our culture.
People feel alienated, stressed, driven by peer pressure, and are out of touch with so much in and outside of themselves. They just numb themselves as a kind of lemming-like ritual. I know, I went through this in my 30's. Got over it. Much clearer view of reality. Once you are sober drunks seem really pathetic.
As a wise poet said "before they die, all people should learn what they are running from and to and why."
35
I think a huge reason that wine is so ubiquitous within mommy culture is because it's a uniquely stressful, isolating, and lonely time. We suddenly lose a lot of the relationships and stress relievers that we'd relied on, only to have to develop relationships with other moms who have nothing in common with us except that we happened to spawn at around the same time. It feels a lot like it did as an undergrad. There was that same pressure to drink as people try to desperately make connections in a radically different environment while learning new rules and pitfalls. Alcohol is used as a social lubricant and a vehicle to make things less awkward to help people relax and lower inhibitions.
I've been sober all my life, so I'm used to dealing with the pressure to drink. My mom is a smoker and alcoholic, and I did not want to see if I had the same predisposition. Once I start opening up about not drinking, though, there are always a surprising number of people that don't drink either or are really accommodating once they find out. To me, there is absolutely nothing wrong with indulging occasionally if you can be healthy about it. My spouse indulges every so often, no problem. We need to look more at why moms feel the need to use wine as a crutch, and maybe help to make it easier to deal with the isolation and the loneliness. Preferably without any shaming because there is more than enough of that. Most of all, I want all moms to know that they're not alone, whether sober or not.
46
My parents did not drink. I never saw them cope with their stress with alcohol. As an adult i have many friends who enjoy wine and scotch. And often say they need a drink or look forward to wine after a hard day of work. When someone said that in front of my kids I suddenly became uncomfortable. I realized how the need to have alcohol or smoke or take tranquilizers is so strong in our culture. I later told my kids that mom may smile and nod when people say these things just to avoid an argument but i never drink to cope. I never “need “ a drink. I don’t want them to think that is a healthy way to destress no matter how common it is. On commenter suggested we take care of our problems first. Relax. Then enjoy the wine later as a drink to enjoy . I think that is the best comment . Glad my parents showed me how to live without needing some substance and i hope my kids will learn the same lesson.
27
I’m an alcoholic with three kids aged three and under. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m also sick of all these self-righteous comments. Before kids I was an incredibly successful working in an international industry that I was passionate about. For a variety of reasons, including the lack of affordable childcare, I am a reluctant stay at home mom. I adore my kids beyond measure but I also feel an isolation that I’ve never felt before. Alcohol fills that void.
And before you judge any more, I’ve been going to AA meetings, meditating, and trying to find the best way for me to be the best sober mom to my kids. And now that I’ve made that decision, it is very enlightening to see how normalized drinking culture is to “survive.”
103
Keep at it. Your post was pretty courageous.
38
@Carrie - 3 kids under 3 is super stressful! Hang in there and all the best to you!
32
People aren't meant to raise kids alone. It takes a village. Get some community going, girl.
I figured that out at 12 when I baby sat for two nephews for a whole week.
I felt miserable from isolation to the point of panic and despair. My personal solution was not to have kids.
26
My beloved eldest sister was killed by a drunk driver when she was 32 and the mother of a beloved three-year old. I have been sober 33 years plus and I would never judge any wine swilling mom except it's an awful role model for your children and you know what, parenting isn't that stressful. It just isn't unless you're broke or have a handicapped child and those "mommies" are rarely drunks. This obsession with wine seems to parallel the popular idea that parenting is incredibly hard. Maybe just an excuse to self-medicate...
23
I haven't had a drink since getting pregnant and having baby, because I am already tired all the time. Im counting the minutes to bed time everynight. I do not understand how other woman can drink when you are getting up multple times a night. I cannot imagine adding an actual hangover on top of already feeling hungover all the time due to chronic sleep deprivation. How does being ultra relaxed due to glass of wine and then having to get up an hour after falling asleep to tend to baby help? This mom thing is hard enough to do stone cold sober, cannot imagine doing it under the influence.
19
Beware, when your little one gets older, it will infiltrate your life. Kids parties, school fundraisers, play dates, moms night out. Apply some awareness when you enter that territory and you will be fine.
14
If you turn to wine because of the alcohol you shouldn’t be drinking.
5
It is a sign of white privilege to joke and brag about drinking. Southern women in the affluent urban area where I live who otherwise are very conservative and care deeply about their image think nothing of posting pictures on social media of themselves drinking with friends or home alone with children. Grown women (many of them mothers) buy and wear T-shirt’s promoting alcohol while they exercise (ie “No pain, no champagne”). These same women say they are raising strong daughters, but strong women do not need alcohol to fit in or socialize. And if lower income women bragged about their “mom drinking” this way they would be judged as unfit parents.
58
Believe it or not there are actually things going on in the world that aren't white privilege. You make a good point when you say that lower income women might be judged if they bragged about their drinking, but this would more correctly be described as social class privilege. Confusing class and race serves no one well.
38
There are quite enough comments from those who say they don’t do anything like this, and all their idea for not drinking. So I’ll be the one to admit it. I have about a glass and a half every single night. Yes it is a habit. I have it at home, I have it at book club, I have it if I go out. I don’t like not having it. Yes that is some sort of problem. In my defense, I rarely have any more than that and never drive. I have a great job and a very stable family life. I don’t do any drugs and don’t take any antidepressants or other similar medications. It’s probably not the greatest thing but I don’t think it’s the worst either. I also know that I’m far from alone. Most moms who work in the same field as I do also drink some amount almost daily.
21
Have you tried substituting other things? 30 minute brisk walk, visit a library or book store, stroll through a museum or botanic garden. You may be surprised at the outcome.
14
I was you about 25 years ago. I was very, very careful. Then it was two glasses. Then three. Then I started sneaking a fourth while I did the dishes. Before I knew it I was drinking a bottle every night. I never got drunk in front of others. I never drove drunk. No one but my immediate family knew there was a problem. Now my children are grown and I'm almost ten months sober. I don't judge anyone. I just advise to be vigilant because it sneaks up on you.
47
It may be a habit b/c of your habits of life. I do the same, but when I went on a religious retreat I didn't drink a drop and didn't want it at all. I brought a bottle with me and never opened it. When I came home, back to wine.
1
This is all well and good but what if I don't have the financial means to hire a baby-sitter? What if I can't do yoga courses because of my work schedule? What if I can't have date nights because I'm a single mom with no spare time to even find a date? What if taking a bath is out of the question because all I have at home is a leaky shower and the rule is shower-lather-rinse in less than 5 minutes because of the cost? Please, please when doling out advice like that keep in mind that not everyone has the cozy life of a Manhattan professional, and your stories might sound a little less smug.
53
Then this article is not for you. Each article cannot provide solutions for absolutely everyone’s situation. This does not make it a bad or elitist article.
21
They did mention curl up with a book, also you can do yoga by watching videos on YouTube for free.
30
Very good points. It shows white, privileged entitlement to brag about drinking, too. The reality is that women of color cannot brag about drinking alcohol as a coping mechanism for parenting- just white privileged women. Upper and middle income “mommies” get to wear t-shirts and put up signs in their kitchen about using wine to cope with ever day stresses of parenting. These women are buzzed around their kids, possibly intoxicated- and proud. We need to be honest about the implications of that to the child and the risks of alcoholism and addiction.
22
There is a huge marketing push behind wine.
In TV ads, magazines, cruise ship ads, real estate ads, there is always a pair of wine glasses. Or a cheerful group raising their glasses.
21
Yeah! Read the book "Drink" and see how we've all been brainwashed into this drinking culture.
9
I subletted an apartment from a late 30's woman recently. All over the place she had signs (obviously bought in home decor stores) that made jokes about wine, about drinking, about pouring a glass instead of yoga class etc etc--like 8 signs.
It was kind of shocking and really unappealing to me, and I'm a wine drinker.
11
I just don't drink much anymore because even a small drink leaves me feeling icky the next day, and I have too much to do to give up a whole day for a buzz the night before.
I do find that it makes hanging out with some friends harder. Drunk people aren't a lot of fun when you're sober (at least to me), and that means I'm usually leaving a party by 10, or turning down the after-dinner drinks. I feel being tired more than the drinkers do, too, so I'm ready to head home earlier.
So, I do think it has affected some relationships. It's a little easier with small children, since people seem to understand that they get up early.
Frankly, I wish I was still the kind of person who could drink at night and hit the gym in the morning, or drink too much and sleep half the day away. But since having children, I've lost my tolerance.
30
Me too!
6
I think what most people here are missing......esp those who are on the defense......is that if you NEED to have that drink because your day to day has gotten out of control.....and life has you by the tail....(we have all been there)....then STOP for a minute ....re-evaluate and reprioritize....instead of kicking back with the wine. THEN when you get your day to day down to a nice calm doable thing that works for your kids...sit down and enjoy the wine. In peace. Knowing that you have fixed the problem....or are aware and working on it. The thing is that if you feel enough stress from the crazy schedule you have chosen for yourself and thusly your kids......they are feeling it too. But they don't get that glass or three of wine each evening to distract them from it. That's pretty insensitive. So fix what's making you need the wine....fix the day to day. Keep it simple and stress free for the kids.
17
Ice cream has been my favorite cocktail substitute since I got sober 2 decades ago. It works for stress relief, celebration, socializing, etc. And for me, an “adult beverage” is a special coffee drink or a bottle of perrier. Finally, for anyone who doubts the impact of growing up around drunk parents, sit in on a 12-step meeting and listen to the stories their adult children tell.
28
Adult children love to blame their parents for everything.
8
Maybe because they’re to blame?
20
They don’t love to blame; there is uncontested evidence that having an alcoholic parent is an adverse childhood experience that significantly increases risk for negative health outcomes. See Adverse Childhood Experiences study by CDC. This is not blame; this is reality.
19
Wine and beer taste good and are great to have with meals. Or to sip while enjoying a nice view. Or enjoying the company of friends. Cocktails taste good, especially as aperitifs. Digestivos are great after a heavy meal. I like tacos a lot, and I eat them. I like various types of beverage, and I drink them. I don't do any of these things as a way to "cope" with being a parent. I do them because they're enjoyable.
To say that "wine has become normalized..." makes me wonder when it became deviant. If you feel like you're drinking too much, you probably are and should do something about. Otherwise, this is just nonsense. And making people feel like they should be concerned that their enjoyment of a beverage might in fact be a sign of some psychological deficiency -- you're "squelching" your emotions and not "addressing" them -- is overthinking this by a mile.
47
You don't have a drinking problem. Sadly, I know a number of mothers who have developed one. It goes beyond a culture of enjoyment to the thing they cannot release their grip from. Drinking, and a lot of it, is extremely prevalent, and is impacting social structures, families and feelings. I'm glad you don't have the problem, I'm really glad I don't , but it's painful to watch my friends slide into it.
12
I agree. If you can take it or leave it, don't worry. Decide consciously whether you want some wine or not. Know what you really feel.
Don't drink it out of habit.
6
As a mother who until very recently was an uninhibited lover of booze, I made a drastic decision to reform my lifestyle when my two-year-old told me one night “Mommy go get your wine.” That was when I knew something needed to change. First I cut back, which helped a lot (almost immediately the marital arguments and stress halted). Then I quit cold turkey. The first month I didn’t notice much of a difference and thought I would start drinking again but with more effort to use moderation. The second month I was astonished by how good I felt. Now I have little desire to start again but am also careful to avoid temptation (wine is my weakness).
I don’t think this article is judgmental. I think it’s honest. Quitting drinking has improved all of my relationships but the greatest improvement of all is the relationship I have with my kid. I’m much more present and patient. I wouldn’t trade this for the temporary high that liquor provides. Now I know that it comes at great cost.
74
Lately I have been paying attention to all the ways wine is presented as a normal part of our culture. Try watching "House Hunters" on HGTV. "Oh, look at this patio–a perfect place to enjoy a glass of wine!" And at the end, they show a woman curling up with a book and glass of wine. Or the new homeowner as host pouring wine for his guests. I would be interested in hearing from recovering alcoholics and how they feel about all the in-your-face alcohol.
18
I find it tiresome, relentless, unimaginative, cliched...
25
Oh, and while you're tucking into your fatty-liver-inducing ice cream sundae and drinking your liquid-sugar OJ and sticking pins in yourself to calm your nerves and popping antidepressants, you get to feel so morally superior to the wine moms, and that's the highest high of all.
25
How about you stop feeling so stressed and find was to enjoy life. Using stress as an excuse is no reason for being drunk or high
4
Preachy, preachy, preachy.....Love reading the comments from the church ladies below...isn’t that special?
10
"Mommy Anything" especially "Mommy Juice" makes me want to barf. I'm not a Mommy to anyone but my kid - other than that I am a well respected professional who happens to be a parent. And while I enjoy a cocktail - seeing those idiots "drinking wine" on the Today Show in the middle of the day is also sickening - It sends the wrong message to everyone.
31
I need a glass of wine after reading about the joyless existence of pbs murder mysteries, hot baths, and seltzer in a fancy glass so it feels special. Yikes.
19
So smug!
6
A cup of very good tea and a PBS murder mystery can be quite soothing.
10
Would it help drinking moms to know there is nothing more tedious than being around one and listening to her blather? This also goes for the childfree and men who drink.
26
If you question to yourself that you may have a drinking problem, it's usually a sign that you do. Get help. Life gets better, it really does.
22
Really? Is there anything more 21st century American than the need to micro-curate our personal atmospheres? I'd like better control of my alcohol intake as it vectors with parenting therefore a mommy wine culture must be born.
I appreciate that parents may sometimes experience real issues with stress and self-medicating. People, even in a mommy state, can and do enjoy wine without devolving into lost weekends. In any situation where alcohol is being served, you don't have to drink. And those who do don't constitute a trending societal emergency requiring a hashtag. Proportion would be helpful.
4
I am part of a group of women that go out every 4-6 weeks. Half of the group are moms. No one drinks. Instead we rotate hosts and do various things ranging from eating dinner to bowling to escape rooms to concerts. While drinking can be done in moderation, there are many ways to blow off steam if people are creative.
11
Or one bottle only for 4-5 people.
I work in a school and there are moms who get mad if we don’t serve wine at parent functions. I go to book club and there are moms who drink 4 glasses of wine then drive home. I went to a sip and paint and one mom got so hammered, the instructor called her a cab. These the women the author is talking about. It’s self-medicating and it’s pervasive. Just because you don’t do it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.
59
I don’t believe the author of this article was speaking to you. Rather, she was writing about some parents who feel a need to dull their stresses and anxiety with alcohol on a daily basis. Congratulations to you for becoming a physician and a responsible parent who only drinks two, four ounce glasses of wine each Friday and Saturday night.
5
I recommend that you drink wine, enjoy your life, love your kids, and stop taking yourself so seriously. There is nothing incompatible with being a great parent and having a glass of wine or two.
10
It's when you get 4+ glasses you have a big problem.
7
Yes, and it does happen. You just never know if it's going to be a problem for you . . . until it is.
7
Is not the most important thing we can do as parents is to raise our children to be healthy, compassionate and engaged young people who grow into adults that can influence the world for the better? That simple focus seems lost on a large part of our nation. What does Instagram have to do with that? Or wine? I have a 7 year old son, a cellar full of wine, an Instagram account and the sober sense of which is more important and am in full support of sober parenting if that is what is best for your family. We clearly don't prepare ourselves for parenting nor do we support parents mentally, or through our health care system physically even, when we do have children. And parenting is not a competition. When children grow up happy and healthy and loved, we all win. Just another example of how, as a nation, we have lost our way and the consequences are apparently becoming devastating.
6
A major side-effect of about alcohol: You will lose the sleep quality you need to for parenting the next day. Nothing can replace that.
23
One more thought on this excellent article. Hollywood is "complicit" as well. The Bad Moms movies (both directed by men) portray the crazy behavior fueled by booze as a hilarious and acceptable way for women to deal with the stresses of their marriage and of parenting. Where are the children while these women are out getting trashed?
And of course television also supports the meme of moms getting drunk together as a way to deal with any of the problems life throws their way.
11
This article is rather cagey with the facts - are we talking about parents who have a drink with breakfast, another couple during the day, and then a bottle of wine at night, or are we talking about someone who unwinds the day with a glass of wine in the evening? It never really says what the "problem" is. I get the feeling that this could be the case of the press trying to make a story where none exists.
3
The problem could be different for everyone. There is a point when you realize that drinking isn't something you want in your life anymore: maybe it is the extra calories from the two glasses at dinner, or the court order. I know so many women who drive their kids all over town to sports events absolutely toasted. This article is spot on.
13
So let me get this straight: antidepressants are OK but tranquilizers are not? Wine is being "normalized"? Since when has wine not been normal? Like for the thousands of years humans have been producing and drinking it. It's mentioned a few times in the Bible, normalized by Jesus Chirst! But he wasn't a mom. I guess that's the difference.
11
My husband and I sometimes remark on how much hard liquor drinking goes on in portrayals of ordinary households on tv, particularly middle and upper-class households. On tv, everyone who walks into the house is offered scotch, which they drink with the host while the plot develops. I am certainly not a teetotaler, but why is it necessary to push this image of Americans constantly guzzling booze?
16
Where is my "me time!" Problem is too many young parents think children are an accessory they must have for completion and then are shocked when they find they require non-stop 24/7/365 attention. Warning! Children will change your life FOREVER. Do not have children to give your parents grandchildren or to see what great genes you have. What I hear in this article is not coping but avoidance. I also see it reflected in the way parents are over-scheduling their kids.
17
I recently stopped drinking except for special events. No I wasn't drinking more then a glass or two of wine, but it was every night, and it was something I looked forward to a LOT. Now I do feel strange a little ache for a glass of rose here and there, but I I feel a little healthier. I also wonder what my now teenage kids will do as they head into high school. Will they think that they need a drink in order to feel relaxed?
13
Antidepressants do not "suppress" emotions. Or rather, if they do, then the medication is not right for that person. They can help someone get out of bed, not scream when they're angry, ride the wave of their emotions without fearing they will drown. They are not, are not, are not, drugs of abuse. The belief that they are contributes to people avoiding getting critically needed help. I am a psychiatrist, but I started being one when good meds were not available. There was more suffering, more turning to other substances, more stigma.
15
For some people, wine is good for heart health, BUT for women, there are links between breast cancer and alcohol consumption. From www.mdanderson.org:
"Can as little as one alcoholic drink a day raise your breast cancer risk?
Studies say yes. But does that mean you should steer clear of alcohol completely? And what about that glass of wine that’s supposed to be good for you?
Alcoholic drinks come in three choices: beer, wine and liquor. A drink is defined as 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine or 1.5 ounces of liquor. If you choose to drink, exceeding the recommended limit of one alcoholic drink a day increases your breast cancer risk.
“But that risk is very low,” says Therese Bevers, medical director of MD Anderson’s Cancer Prevention Center. “You need to be more concerned if it becomes a routine in which you drink more than one drink each day..."
To cut back on your alcohol consumption and lower your breast cancer risk, follow these guidelines:
Select low-calorie options to avoid unwanted weight gain.
Stay away from 100-proof liquor. Researchers believe that it’s the ethanol or alcohol in beer, wine and liquor that causes increased cancer risk.
Avoid alcohol as often as possible.
“You can still enjoy alcohol on occasion,” Bevers says. “Just don’t make it a routine.”"
Not trying to preach - just sick of losing friends to cancer.
As for peer pressure to drink, try "my body, my choice", or keep a club soda w lime in hand and fill your own glasses.
9
@common sense advocate
The most illuminating information I have read is the study called: Links between alcohol consumption and breast cancer: a look at the evidence. Alcohol is metabolized into acetaldehyde & free radicals in the breast tissue itself. Even after 2 glasses of wine. Spread that over 5 or 10 years.
2
Some of the comments below make the NRA look measured and thoughtful. For many drinkers, the testimony of people who choose sobriety is obviously extremely threatening. My reaction to Ms. Tracy's essay is that it does not go far enough: Aside from the narrower issue of alcohol use and parental stress, our society is wobbling under the crisis of the current epidemic of addictions. To fight this crisis, we need to "act locally" by rejecting psychoactive substance use of all kinds and providing our kids with role models for whom sobriety is the norm.
16
The myth is that alcohol is a stress-reliever. Good grief.
8
If you don’t drink you aren’t welcomed with open arms in most social circles, parents or otherwise. That said, my experience in 12 step groups is that women often quit sooner because of their kids.
6
A lot of emotional and defensive comments here. For those offended drinkers, re-read the title and consider the context, if you're not a sober parent, or trying to be one, why get angry
12
Seems as though a lot of people should abstain from having kids.....not drinking alcohol.
66
I think it's simple. If you're main motivation in life is a big career, nice car, fancy house to impress the peers, going to the salon, taking photos of your rear end to put on your instagram and Facebook page, and lots of me time.... oh and wine..... then it's prob best to just skip the whole kid thing. If you can't handle being in touch with your emotions....then just skip the whole kid thing. If you have to drink to suppress your emotions that come from being a parent..... get help. If you do it correctly.....being a parent is a full time job in itself. A very important one.
39
Not all that long ago 8 kids in 10 years on diddly-squat money was normal. How did they cope?
3
Valium.
2
Alcohol too- that is why we tried Prohibition.
1
My advice, 2 pennies worth is to quit looking for ways to feel better as a way to de-stress. Solve the cause of stress rather than waste money and time on drinks, pills, pretty clothes or indulgent food. You can enjoy those for their own sake without deluding yourself that you are helping solve a problem.
16
@Greenfield
Can stress really be "solved?" Isn't it a part of anyone's life? Managed to suit one's life feels like a better target.
Wait, at the end of the article it mentions to use medication instead of drinking? Isn’t that replacing one addiction with another?
22
Clearly the article means prescription medication that's non-addictive, like SSRIs for anxiety or depression.
4
Many people with mental health issues self- medicate by use alcohol and legal drugs. Taking prescribed medications in consultation with a health care professional - is health care, not addiction. Stop regarding mental health differently than physical health, Mental health meds are no different than blood pressure medication etc.
8
NO. Modern medications used to treat depression and anxiety are not addictive. I'm not sure where people get the impression than medications are addictive other than the constant but needed reporting on opioid medications and addiction.
The final paragraph of the article, which is a bit vague, refers to how some people "self-medicate" with alcohol to treat anxiety or depression. In fact treating anxiety or depression with the appropriate medications helps those who are drinking now from developing an addiction.
8
Thanks for this valuable and sympathetic overview, which I will be forwarding to my dear friends in the 12-step communities.
7
This is the second article I've seen recently talking about the amount women drink and criticizing them for "Wine o' Clock" while completely ignoring the decades long normalization of men sitting around after work and drinking heavily (which is what my father always did). Just look at our pop culture. The first thing that pops into my head is The Simpsons. Homer and his buddies regularly visit the bar after work. I can only think of one episode where Marge asked Homer to stop drinking. He did for the duration of the episode, but it was back to the same old schtick after that. Why do I bring up a cartoon out of any form of pop culture? Because The Simpsons has been a part of American life since the 80s. The double standard is ridiculous. I have been around many alcoholics in my life, but it feels like the discussion focuses on women far more than men. Also, comments often seem a bit high and mighty which probably won't get someone to become inspired to quit drinking. Like I said, I've been around many alcoholics and have seen discussions about drinking and the attempts to inspire them to quit fall on very unreceptive and angry ears.
30
Thank you! For pity's sake, The NY Times even has a Wine section, but I guess that's just for men? Heaven forbid a MOTHER enjoy wine!
10
Amen, sister. This is ridiculous.
4
@Sabrina The article seems to be FOCUSED on a particular problem but that does not minimize other problems by leaving them out. (And drinking in "The Simpsons" is constantly satirized).
1
As a non-drinker -- just because alcohol gives me heartburn and I never cared much for it anyway -- I've spent most of my adult life feeling like I'm from another planet. At social events, people seemed shocked and uncomfortable that I decline wine and order soft drinks or seltzer. Perhaps they think I'm an alcoholic and they've made a faux pas by inviting me to a place where alcohol is served. Sometimes people even press me for a reason -- "Whyyyy.... don't you drink?" -- as if they've just met a person who doesn't drink water. I wonder, whyyyy is drinking alcohol considered a default behavior that every adult is expected to do at every social occasion unless they've got a specific reason not to?
62
I’m not a teetotaler & enjoy the occasional wine. I don’t make a big deal of it one way or the other. But I really don’t like to drink, & find I too get headaches, etc. The author mentioned being sure to have a glass of seltzer or the like so you aren’t pressed to have a cocktail. I’ve found this ineffective over the years, especially at work events. Some people seem to feel you’re interfering with their vibe. I was once actually counseled by a boss that I needed to loosen up. So over the years I’ve just found I have less stress not hanging around people who like to drink a lot. & as I tell my kids, I’ve never heard of anything bad happening because you don’t drink.
16
So true. As a mater of fact, most friends never invited my husband and I to go out because we did not drink. People really bought into the advertisement of the alcohol industry. As a doc, I treat several people a day with horrible alcohol addiction! Colateral damage to a shameless industry!
15
To pace myself at social events with co-workers, I just ask the bartender to pour me a tonic water with a lime in a gin glass. You can nurse that for a good hour, no questions asked. Repeat as necessary.
9
This article is totally on point. The private schools in the San Francisco Bay Area celebrate the wine culture with alcohol served at fundraising events (not when kids are invited, as far as I know) and by having kids bring in bottles of wine from home to donate at school for fundraiser dinners. And then parents wonder why their kids start raiding the liquor cabinet in high school!
24
@Sushirrito In my experience as a sibling, parent, and teacher kids will raid the liquor cabinet no matter what.
1
I see more and more youngish parents over-imbibing while at the beaches on vacation around where I live. It's not just one or two parents but large groups of them with the mega coolers, beer can holders, adult sippy cups, etc. Looks like sorority or frat beach parties but with kids. Not cool parents, not cool at all.
30
After reading some of the comments....it seems that some people maybe should just abstain from the kids....not the alcohol. Hearing people whine and play the victim card about their day...when they are usually the planners and architects of that day to day...and lifestyle. Seems the very social types...and very consumer/materialistic people here are having trouble putting the kids first. Seems the egos, reputations, and stuff take center stage. Is this really the message we want to send to the kids? More is not more. Not in this situation. The world will sell you anything if you're sucker enough to fall for it....lifestyles included. The old way is best when it comes to child rearing. Keep it simple and just be there.
23
I’m a parent of two and have been a sober for 2 years. I was one of those “moderate” wine drinkers where the one or two glasses now and then became an everyday event. No one would have called me an alcoholic but it is that label that is keeping too many people dependent on booze and fueling this mommy wine culture. Anyone who starts measuring how much they drink and who finds themselves thinking about their intake constantly most likely has a problem. Ask yourself why you want to alter your experience of the moment with your children (or after a long day) and see what else you can do instead of drink alcohol. If you really don’t think about drinking this article is not for you.
I found comfort in saying the socially acceptable phrase “ it helps me relax” when in fact my 2 glasses of wine a night were doing the opposite and interfering with my sleep and my relationships. Once I stopped I saw sloppy drunk parents at parties and the kids were watching it all. I can now be a model to my kids that there are other ways to manage stress and that alcohol is not required to enjoy life fully. These have been the best 2 years parenting of my life -- I wish I could go back in time and be a sober parent for them when they were younger.
71
Exact same. Wish you were in my neighborhood!
5
It all works out well as the little ones grow up. Our daughters had a father who drank responsibly and with no problems and a mother, me, who they have never seen take a drink. I've enjoyed their growing up as much as any of the moms and shown them, by not drinking, that life can still be a blast without the booze. I love that you are giving your kids the gift of sober parents. And, I agree with many here that if drinking is no problem, have an occasional drink. One last thing. When you tell your teen that drinking and driving is never OK, you will speak with authority. Not so much the parents who throw a few back at the party and then pack their family into the car. BTW - I have never had any social consequences from not drinking. My guess is that those who would ostracize you for not drinking wouldn't be good friends to be buzzed with either.
20
And those parents who drink "in moderation," don't mind, do they, if their baby-sitter has a glass or two while on duty, right?
34
Wow, from the medical profession to the new teetotalling moralists extolling their virtue, self-control, and power to resist cohort pressure, wagging a finger about enjoying alcoholic beverages has become the new great social intervention. Roll it in with the opioid epidemic, addiction statistics, child abuse, and the issue of self-medication and you have found a broad line of attack against that glass of wine or beer. No one argues that alcohol abuse can be a dangerous thing and alcoholism a very serious illness. I am also not promoting the enjoyment of wine or other alcoholic drinks over drinking milk or orange juice (to each her/his own). However there are too many of these self-satisfied admonishers who equate consuming alcoholic drinks with loss of self-control, self-medication, and worse. I hope they find more worthwhile targets to satisfy their puritanical selves.
19
That's because alcohol literally causes you to lose self control. You literally cannot walk and function after very little. You can actually drink enough in one sitting to kill yourself. It is a serious thing. I'm not saying don't enjoy a cocktail or wine......I'm just saying don't pretend it's nothing....and that it's not bad for you. It's poison for the body. And I am by no means a puritan. I just don't scoff in the face of actual facts and science.
10
@epices6
I have not seen any admonishing here. Lots of self-examination and truth telling though. We all need to keep digging deeper.
3
One alcohol free way I relieve stress is natural, plant based and GMO free. Kush of the finest varieties.
10
In 2012, I went to a 30 day inpatient treatment facility for alcohol addiction, my two boys were 8 and 9 years old…I’ve been sober ever since.
The mommy wine culture is real and for normal drinkers, having glass or two of wine amongst friends is more than enjoyable.
It’s when the mom with a family history of alcoholism, who is also enjoying the same glass or two of wine amongst the same friends, doesn’t mention that for breakfast and lunch she had vodka.
27
Based on these reactions I think you can see that there is a lot of strong emotions and assumptions being made out here about dry folks! Begs an article!
11
Since day 1 of sobriety I’ve never once been uncertain or embarrassed regarding my declination of offers of pot, alcohol, or indeed pain meds from well-meaning friends or doctors. My addiction was life-threatening and many people, places, and things were left in tatters through my actions. “No thanks” has sufficed quite nicely and no one - no one - cares.
24
Super preachy. Like taking anitdressants isn’t as problematic as drinking a glass of wine?!?! I’d rather stick with the wine, thanks. Parenting is HARD. Why add guilt over a drink at the end of the day. I understand some people need to avoid alcohol because of various reasons but why add guilt to the rest of us!!!
9
The only thing you need to feel guilty about is your ignorance about mental health issues like depression that prompt the use of antidepressants.
11
Dr. Leena Mittal says this, "“This sends women the message that their emotions need to be squelched and not addressed,” she said." And then later in the article the author states that she takes anti-depressants. How is this not medicating emotions? Perhaps if if as women we focused on changing our culture instead of just coping, we might then be empowered rather than accepting the current paradigm of white patriarchy.
8
Taking antidepressants is not unlike taking insulin if you're a diabetic. It corrects a chemical plant imbalance in the body. Taking a suitable antidepressant is nothing like drinking until you feel numb to you emotions. Some people, erroneously, think that an antidepressant is a nappy pill, but it isn't. If it's the right medication it just stops the paralyzingly mental anguish and self critical inner dialogue which is the hallmark of clinical depression or bipolar disorder.
6
If you can't drink, don't.
If you can't help yourself, seek help.
If you don't have a problem with drinking, Cheers!
32
John, are you sure you aren’t from New England?
2
I have 35 years clean and sober. My husband doesn't drink either. Alcohol freely poured was always a big part of social gatherings with other families as my kids grew up. Though we did our best to engage in ways that were healthy for us, we ultimately stopped getting invitations to parties and events. Not a big deal for my husband or me, but it was tough on my kiddos. They saw all their friends' parents getting together for parties, sports events and weekends away, and it made them feel different. My kids learned what it's like to live sober - and what the social consequences of that are. No blame, no shame. This was our experience and it is what it is.
26
As a 64 yr old mother of a 30 yr old, I was 6 yrs sober when my daughter was born in 1988 and have been ever since. The article seems spot on and it would have been very helpful for me back then! Fortunately, I had other mothers in AA to relate to of course.
The other readers' comments criticizing the writer seem harsh and unwarranted, she's just relaying her experiences and research. And there really ARE stresses raising kids, and there really IS a 'drinking or wine culture' thing going on in society, which most people can enjoy and handle with ease. For others of us, it can be severely detrimental. It can take years of sobriety to graciously handle the normal drinking world (true, most hosts don't care if you drink alcohol or not, they just don't want to see a guest empty-handed). And true, for those who make a big deal out of drinking or out of your not drinking, they often have a problem with alcohol themselves (and not everyone with a alcohol problem is alcoholic either).
My mother was a functioning, albeit very difficult alchoholic, and the God given gift I am most grateful for is being able to raise my daughter differently.
25
A therapist once told me that 100% of substance use was self medicating, in this sense-you feel one way and you want to feel another way. So, you self-prescribe. That sounded, not judgmental, but pretty objectively true. So now I tend to ask myself why I want to feel differently and if the side effects from the drug of choice (wine, scotch, gin) is worth the effect I'm taking it for. Sometimes the answer is yes and sometimes no, but it's always more mindful now than the automatic go-to that it used to be. And it's hugely improved the actual enjoyment I get from the now much rarer use of alcohol than the old days.
26
Self medication is an attempt to alleviate an illness or symptoms, not merely changing how you feel at the moment. Someone catching a buzz isn't necessarily medicating herself.
3
But why do you need a buzz?
1
For how much of the country is "wine mom culture" really "a thing"?
(For what it's worth, I drink when I remember to: on the preponderance of evidence, drinking a little seems to correlate with a better blood-lipid profile and lower all-cause mortality. But it seems as though I never remember to.)
11
Learning mindfulness is so helpful, especially if you have kids. Do it for them. It helps tremendously. I'm a headspace user and highly recommend it.
10
I was an on-again, off-again solitary binge drinker until I was 51 in 2000, and my kids were 15 and 13. Besides occasional bizarre behavior, what I remember most vividly as a drinker is the frightening ways I repeatedly endangered them along the way while under the influence. But we lucked out.
During the following 11 years when I spent part of the time living by myself several hundred miles away from my family while the kids finished high school, I had the most successful and productive years of my life, but also the loneliest. I was good at my demanding job, learned to oil paint, cross country ski, race walk. I cooked, hiked, read voluminously, listened to music, enjoyed telescope observing and bird watching, and all manner of things. Interestingly, during those sober 11 years, stress was less of a problem than any time before or since.
In 2011, my urologist suggested I drink red wine for my prostate, which I did, and do, and probably too much of that. In my retirement I am much less productive than one would expect for someone with a lot of time on his hands. I don't endanger anybody anymore, and follow strict rules about what not to do after cocktail hour (no driving, no bicycle riding, no Facebook, no Twitter, no email, etc.) so, by and large I stay out of trouble, except for getting on my wife's nerves.
I wish I had given up drinking when my kids were born. I wouldn't be haunted by so many memories of how things could have gone catastrophically wrong.
24
I am always perplexed by the whole narrative that being a parent is just one constant ball of stress. I count my blessings. I am not sure if I am just laid back or all these people have really unlikable children. But parenting isn't that stressful and certainly doesn't send me into fits of needing to self-medicate. The whole mom/parent culture of complaint and anxiety is foreign to me.
33
I agree. In find work more stressful than parenting. My kids are my joy and blessing and at 12 and 10 years are more mature than my co-workers!
14
I wonder if your wife (presumably) feels the same.
15
Yes, absolutely agree. Being a parent does not have to be stressful. I have never had a need to self medicate with alcohol. However, there have definitely been times when I really needed more sleep.
3
There are so many things that people can do to help them relax other than reaching for alcohol. The best would be to do something active--hit the gym for 30 min a day instead of having a glass of wine, do yoga, go to a rock gym, just walk around your neighborhood, meditate, sew, paint, the list is literally endless. The question is whether you have time for it or not. Drinking a glass of wine can happen even while doing (some) other household chores while other activities might require uninterrupted time.
I also don't think there's anything wrong with relaxing with a glass of wine (for those, of course, who don't have a drinking problem). Whatever activities let a person relax and enjoy their time alone (or with friends and/or significant others) is fine. I don't see what the point of judging those who can enjoy a glass of wine is either. As long as people aren't grabbing for wine because it's the only way they can deal with their kids/family/whatever, and they drink in moderation, what's wrong with that?
12
Apparently a lot of moms - desperate for a respite - equate non-drinking with no fun - and it couldn't be farther from the truth. Los Angeles and wine-moms go hand-in-hand, and as a non-drinker, I have always felt the amusing gaze and sarcasm of drinking mom-friends on my habit of having virgin drinks at the bar or tea after dinner. The reality - I'm more healthy, happier (and younger looking) and have stronger coping skills to engage in natural relaxation in my life, whether a hike or dancing, and surprise surprise, I have fun, because I am not "in recovery" from the night before.
27
Sometimes living a simple life is the way to go. If you are too stressed, then reevaluate and reprioritize. We made the choice to do with less ....less new clothes, one car....I don't have the latest iPhone... i became a SAHM. A lot less ego. I put my kids first.....not my Facebook page. Ok...I don't even have a Facebook page and never did.... The point is if you will do with less, you will end up with so much more. The kids don't want the crazy life, and there's no need to live that way....unless you are more worried about society than your kids. Kids deserve a childhood, not to have to keep up with some ridiculous day to day that's only serving the parents ego. Respect your kids.....respect their time.
19
If anything deserves condemnation here, it's a pearl clutcher with *seven* children. That is the unsustainable compulsion buried in the article. The planet might be able to handle one more grape vine, but not an overpopulating American family. Boo.
29
I am not a mom but I have a demanding job and take care of an elderly parent. I would come home and have two glasses of wine every night. At times it was to relieve anxiety, but other times it's just to calm my brain. My mind is really active at night, although it's not always in a stressful way.
I decided to give up drinking Mon-Thur for Lent and I've made it so far with the exception of one business dinner. I'm going to sleep even earlier now than I was. I am using goofy tv shows to take my mind off work, my mom, my workout schedule, volunteering, taxes, etc., but no one ever got liver damage or wrecked their car after watching a Lifetime movie...
21
Great silly movie is "Unleashed". I loved it. Made my husband watch it too and he actually laughed (he's a serious guy).
2
Wine culture for moms is a North American marketing scheme for the middle class to drink more wine. Plenty of people have wine or other alcohol on regular nights around the world and it doesn't lead to fears of wrong ways to self-medicate or analysis of the best way to unwind.
And what a way to blame moms for being weak, so weak that Instagram posts from celebrities can make moms to feel so inadequate about their lives that they self-medicate with wine. Even if wine consumption among moms was a real problem, this article really doesn't hold up. Also, men have been decompressing with a 6-pack or the fancier night cap for decades with no one blaming them as bad dads or suggested to buy some fancy chocolate at whole foods instead.
51
Is the parent an alcoholic or not? That's the real question.
To my mind, joking about alcohol, in most any form, is a kind of signpost. It signals the person is an alcoholic, that they are seeking like-minded people to drink with and socialize with. Variants of "It's 5' o'clock somewhere" are ubiquitous and longstanding--"Wine Mom" just another. If a mom were to joke about setting up a "chardonnay playdate" she is really testing the water to find another mom comfortable with that behavior. If the other parent does not engage, easy to blow off as a "joke".
In terms of our parenting culture, I'd say there is a very bright line around use of alcohol when actively parenting (just the same as for working)--during the day, driving for errands, picking up kids, chores, volunteering, school, 2nd job, laundry, bills, practices, cleaning, lessons, etc. I believe after dinner, when a 2nd parent might be home for support, and all are homebound and the day is winding down, there is more cultural acceptance of using alcohol.
This article seems more about the psychology of new parents who prior to having kids, were actively engaged in a drinking culture. and likely were alcoholics. They frequented bars, nightlife, etc. during freetime. They are finding the modes of living have changed dramatically with kids (the bright line above), and they are feeling more dissonance around finding new ways of living that don't revolve around alcohol.
16
I am a parent of two young children, and someone who drinks alcohol.
I thought this paragraph was interesting:
“My vice is PBS murder mysteries. I also take antidepressants, do talk therapy, write and splurge on some indulgences at the grocery store.”
Is anti depressants really a better alternative than a glass of wine?
Over indulgence is bad for both, but moderation of alcohol is in my opinion can be a normal lifestyle.
Does the author think prescription medication is a better vice than wine, even though there are long term effects from those to?
12
Obviously I am in no position to diagnose the author, but speaking for myself, having suffered from an endocrine disorder which caused severe depression, medication has been very helpful. It is, however, dangerous to combine anti-depressants and alcohol, and I strongly suspect there are a lot of people doing just that.
6
Prescription medication is never a "vice." Get educated.
11
Antidepressants help with depression and anxiety among other diagnoses and patients are told to take it a specific doses at specific times for a specific length of time. Antidepressants help stabilize or uplift mood. In contrast alcohol is a "downer" (effects are opposite from antidepressants), not prescribed, and not taken in controlled, monitored doses. In some cases, people with undiagnosed anxiety take alcohol to self-medicate which might help temporarily but often comes with a host of other side effects. If a undiagnosed person with depression drinks, they may actually be making their depression WORSE, not better.
4
The comments comparing alcohol and anti-depressant medication are interesting. (ADS, in particular, got it quite wrong.) As one reader pointed out - your doctor has never written you a prescription for alcohol.
Caring for my own 98-year-old toddler was taking its toll. was drinking two (generously sized) glasses of wine a night. I knew it interfered with sleep, but it was worth it. I knew it made my depression worse, but it was worth it.
Then my doctor explained that it was making the osteoporosis worse. That did it. (He also suggested severely limiting the wine and seeing a psychiatrist for anti-depressant meds.)
I took it all to heart. Cut the wine back to a glass now and then (as in, less than weekly). And the depression? So much better, there will be no need for meds.
8
I think it's great that you've chosen sobriety. I also think it's great that you suggest getting help for mental health issues, via medication or otherwise. I don't think it's great how you lump all drinking parents into one negative group. You can have a glass of wine at the end of a long day and still be a good parent. Heck, you might even be a great one.
24
What a judgemental article. I am a working physician mom with two elementary school kids. I actually like wine and drink to enjoy the taste- not to get drunk or to cope with being a mom. There actually exists a level of moderate drinking- in my case 2 4oz glasses every Friday and Saturday, a total of 16oz a week- which is neither abstinence or addiction. Like all health articles in NYT, it’s seems to be about all or nothing, feast or famine.
37
We need more articles like this. The wine culture evident on Facebook etc. gives the false impression that all normal people drink everyday and relieve stress with alcohol. Actually, they don't, if you look outside the Northeast and to other cultures. After over four years of not drinking, I am no longer embarrassed to ask for a non-alcoholic beverage at a social gathering. Good way for me to relax in the evening is a bottle of NA beer. All the ritual and flavor, and none of the intoxication.
13
While I think it's good that the author and her husband recognized their own limits, I also am one questioning the all or nothing premise of this article. A glass of wine or a bottle of beer on a Friday night after a long week of work and life does not derail my parenting. My sons have never seen me hungover or vomiting from excessive drinking. They do see their step-dad and me enjoying a drink on the weekend, talking together, watching a movie with them. My ex-husband is an alcoholic, I divorced him to take my children out of that toxic environment. But alcohol is a reality of life - it always has been - and I want them to know what it looks like to enjoy responsibly. Especially since they have a genetic disposition toward alcoholism. I also think it's interesting that peer pressure is apparently still such a huge issue - we are adults, right? Do what you want to do, you have nothing to prove to anyone except yourself.
9
When I first started seeing a therapist I thought that I would feel better if I just stopped drinking. She said that once I felt better (understood my emotions) I would stop drinking. She was right...
It probably took longer than going one of the traditional routes...but seven years without my nightly beers and I can't believe that I don't miss drinking.
7
Drinking has become over-normalized and it speaks to how much we have truly failed to cultivate interesting lives. Grown ups don’t have hobbies and white middle/upper class parents have hired out every job imaginable. It’s not our children that tire us out, it’s that we ourselves are too boring to be around. We make jokes about drinking because we are unfunny. We drink at dinner to prove to ourselves that we are adults. We buy our husbands whisky rocks and fancy beer glasses for Father’s Day because our husbands have no interests outside of work. We drink at book club because we are too boring to read the book. We aren’t just drinking too much, we are caring too little about who we want to be when we grow up.
77
Perfect. Absolutely spot on.
5
This is all too true of the big drinkers I know...
5
This comment nailed it.
6
My husband and I both come from families damaged by alcoholism. So after abstaining during pregnancy and nursing with my second child, I just stayed on as a "non-drinker." I never felt in danger of becoming an alcoholic. Rather, I wanted to role-model behavior to my kids that it was possible to be a non-drinker who was normal and fun-loving. It made a lot of my friends and acquaintances uncomfortable. "Why aren't you drinking?" It was so easy to answer when I was pregnant or nursing. But my more complicated explanation doesn't fit into an easy sound bite answer.
17
"I come from an alcoholic family." What more do you need to explain?
5
Thanks!
1
Just say "I don't want the calories!"
2
I quit drinking about 30 years ago. (For me it was a weight management thing--alcohol made me less inhibited around cookies and French fries.)
I don't hesitate to go to parties, etc and just have water or coffee. Most people don't really care what I'm having. If somebody does care that's kind of a red flag, isn't it?
Parenting was definitely better without the booze and I don't miss the headaches the next morning.
Always feel free to opt out of what others are doing! Conformity is for lemmings.
20
This son of a barkeep lives in beautiful Portland, Oregon where a river runs through it. A raging river of artisanal alcohol. Oh, we also have the Willamette ad Columbia rivers too, causing much less deadly damage to society. Great story. Hope it helps calm the Mommies down a bit.
8
Wine should be partnered with food. I enhances the experience of both. Getting drunk on wine is a waste of good wine.
5
I have never been a drinker - I found out early on that alcohol puts me straight to sleep, with no enjoyable feelings unless intense drowsiness counts. I have never felt pressured to drink - not at college parties, not as a young professional, certainly not as a mother of either young children or (now) teens. A polite, non-judgmental refusal of anything (drinks, drugs, shellfish due to allergies) goes over well with anyone except the totally unreasonable or totally intoxicated - and in those cases, I really don't worry too much about their reactions.
Maybe it's different in NYC, but most of the jokes I hear about "wine o'clock," wine playdates, etc., are simply that - jokes. All mothers are drinking wine to cope, all young people are snowflakes, all of San Francisco is gay, liberal, or sinking into the ocean, all Coloradans are stoned to the gills and all Nevadans live in Vegas and gamble compulsively. Take it with a grain of salt, rather than as a personal criticism.
48
Dear Liz,
Being a young (and I was not that young) mother was the hardest job I ever had. I wish I had done it without alcohol. And I wish anti-depressants had been there for me. One of my darling children was a high-wire act. Just recently as a much older mother I stopped drinking-just woke up one morning gave it a deep think and decided that my focus on wine was not positively contributing to my day-to-day. Most aspects of my life are easier though I have found that the reasons I was drinking were to sedate my responses to outside forces. Without alcohol as a buffer I am more honest with myself and others. Sobering it is to be completely off alcohol. Best wishes for your future and mine without alcohol.
35
The influence of social media is under-emphasized in this article. Yes, drinking is and has always been a major part of American culture in general. But the "wine mom" phenomenon -- the constant jokey glamorization of using wine to cope with how hard your life is as a mom -- is a separate entity born from the martyr/pity-seeking culture on social media. It also seems to be primarily a white, upper-class, suburban thing. Want to get away from this subculture? I suggest weaning off social media and hanging around with people who aren't glued to social media, if you can find any. Sure, they might still drink. A lot of people drink. But without the influence of social media, you can choose to drink or not, and it isn't tied in so much with your identity or the fact that you're a mother.
16
Great points. But in reality, jokes and social-media culture aside, are more moms actually drinking while actively parenting? Is the glamorization actually driving a trend towards more alcoholism in moms? Or rather just a reflection of the current level of alcoholism? I'd say the stigma attached to drinking during active parenting--by this I mean during the day, errands, shopping, cleaning/ cooking, driving, dressing, bathing, etc--is still enormous. Akin to drinking at a job outside the home, a taboo.
4
Having given up the drink thirty years ago, I can tell you it ain’t easy in this society. One of the reasons people turn to opioids because booze does not work as a pain killer for everybody and it’s almost as addicting. Kudos to those parents that seek a healthy lifestyle for their family. Get outside interact with those who do not imbibe and stay curious. In ten years you won’t remember what it was like to come home from work and pour yourself. And you will not miss it. Life is often about pain management. And pain comes in a hundred different forms.
13
I do not drink because I do not drink. It's never been an issue for me when other's drink until I moved to suburbia when my kid was 5 years old.
What I found was a culture of drinking that astounded me. The men drank, but the women got DRUNK. I saw behaviors I had not seen since college.
While no one questioned my not drinking, I was "shunned" (a "friend" who was a mother called to tell me) because I would talk with the men as I preferred drinkers to drunks.
20
I was amazed at the moms drinking in my area. I remember talking to One mother who spoke of an upcoming girls weekend as if she were still in college. Every ine seemed tk be looking for a new drinking buddy. I think the worse were the moms who would drink at their ten year sons little league games. What message were they sending to their children
13
What I learned when I quit drinking several years ago is that the premise that alcohol helps you cope with stress (which underlies this article) is incorrect. I was drinking about 3 large glasses of wine a night (way too much, but I'm not the only woman I know who drinks that much), self-medicating for stress caused by the pressures of raising a young son, managing a high-powered career, and navigating a troubled marriage. My doctor explained to me that, in fact, my body was going into withdrawal about 6 hours after I finished drinking, which was interfering with sleep and actually causing me MORE anxiety during the day. I am sure that many people, moms or not, can enjoy their wine moderately and responsibly, without falling into that vicious addiction cycle. But we should be careful in holding up alcohol as a stress-reducer because it can easily turn into the opposite.
39
Partner is becoming a really overused term.
21
This woman has no idea what she's talking about.
Does she really even have kids?
I would rather see mothers having a couple glasses of wine than jacking themselves up on opioids in pills like the author suggests
6
"no idea what she's talking about"?
Maybe YOU should read up a little about antidepressants. They are certainly not opioids. If you are a parent of non adult children, it's particularly important you learn about drugs. I love wine, but many men, and increasingly, women, are suffering health effects from excess drinking.
5
Because those are the only two options? Uh, no. Kindly read the article, slower this time.
6
There: "Does she really even have kids?"
Did you even read the article? Nobody is talking about a couple glasses of wine here. They're talking about the slippery slope introduced by those couple glasses.
"I would rather see mothers having a couple glasses of wine than jacking themselves up on opioids in pills like the author suggests"
The author suggested no such thing! I assume you're referring to the authors discussion of anti-depressants. There are no opiates in anti-depressants. You cannot get 'high' nor will you feel blurred-out or woozy from taking anti-depressants.
4
Drug ab use disorder.
Alcohol use disorder.
Wine Moms!!?
Abuse of concept to sanction and promote intoxication by alcohol. Alcohol makers have perverted culture by abusing free speech to give alcoholics a plausible hide from reproach.
8
Sadly, far too many women in the USA, in the UK, and here in Oz, still refuse to accept the strong link between their consumption of alcohol, which is a dangerous drug, in early pregnancy and their increased risk of foetal alcohol spectrum disorder in their yet to be newborn.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder
8
I remember the day my husband confronted his mother about her pregnancy drinking habits. He finally realized the cause of his facial deformity and small head. She claimed to be young, foolish and ignorant of the long term effects of alcohol and brushed off his complaint. For him it’s been a life time of puzzling social isolation.
8
Parenting may not be stressful for everyone, but when parents DO experience stressors like depression/anxiety or medical complications in the family they may look for ways to cope. I agree that there is an over-normalization of alcohol use as an expected part of parenting, the "playdates with Chardonnay" and "it's Wine o'clock" posts and messages are rampant. Perhaps it is an attempt to "be real" instead of posting about "perfect parenting", but for those struggling with sobriety or with finding healthy coping skills it is a disservice. Now, let's talk about pot culture and pregnancy/breastfeeding/parenting....
11
Wait ....
What?
You take anti-depressants, but have a problem with wine culture?
47
If the author had diabetes, would you shame her for taking insulin?
25
So you think anti-depressants are equivalent to recreational drinking/drugs? Let us know the next time your doctor writes a prescription for your alcohol habit. Every time I find a person hostile to non-drinkers, I find a person who drinks too much. Every single time. People who don’t drink too much don’t care if I drink at all.
39
I don't see how you can even write this. Antidepressants are not alcohol and certainly not addictive. Nor do they prevent her from being a good mother like excessive drink or drugs would. She'd written a good piece about an important subject.
10
I am reminded of the Campbell Soup Winter Storm Jonas Commercial (it's on YouTube) where a mother is in a grocery store buying soup for her school - aged son and toddler to prepare for a winter storm. When the voice-over announces that schools will be closed, she grabs a bottle of wine and puts it in her cart. I was offended the first time I saw this commercial. Just imagine: snowbound children with a drunk mom!
24
Who on earth would jump to assume that a woman buying a bottle of wine was going to get drunk? It's not like we sell wine by the glass.
62
The implication: the mother's need to medicate when she finds out that she will be snowbound with her children. That this behavior is being normalized is frightening .
46
It's a funny commercial. Relax.
11
I've read a number of articles in which the writer wrings her hands about the mommy wine culture. You're just hanging out with the wrong people. There are plenty of moms who aren't into drinking. I suspect the author is the "type" of person who likes to drink and thus is drawn to other women like herself. Unfortunately, due to her addiction, she can't drink. I'm the "type" of person who doesn't like drinking, and most people I naturally become friends with drink sparingly or not at all. My two weekly drinks make me a borderline alcoholic in my group.
I hate the judgyness, though. Seriously. Live and let live.
84
It's interesting to me that although this article mentions that parents drink less than non-parents, it still focuses on the drinking that parents DO as a problem to be solved, even drawing parallels between it and the opiioid epidemic. I wonder why?
Is the drinking that parents do more problematic than the drinking that non-parents do? ie do parents drink to cope while non-parents drink for social reasons and is this the reason for heightened concern? I know that before I was a parent, I would go out for drinks with friends several nights a week and have a couple beers each time. As a parent, I have a single beer about 4-5 nights a week. I drank more overall before I was a parent, but I look forward to the drink more as a parent.
This is true of a lot of indulgences, though. I watched more Netflix as a non-parent but I really look forward to my scarce TV time much more now as a parent. I ate more gourmet meals as a non-parent but really get excited to eat out now, when it's more rare. I ate more junk as a non-parent, too (with no one to model good eating habits for) and man, now that I'm a parent, do I ever look forward to a bag of chips when I indulge in some after a long day.
I also have to say that I have never really felt much social pressure to drink, but I experience way less as a parent than I ever did before. "Mommy juice" and other mom-wine culture jokes litter the landscape of parenting memes, but I don't really know anyone who actually lives like that.
56
I grew up in the 70s and 80s in a household where 3 Martinis or Manhattans a night was the norm for both my parents. I never even questioned this until I was in my mid 20s (I'm in my late 40s now.) I'm fortunate that both my parents are still with me and in good health. My Dad stopped drinking 15 years ago and my Mom drinks much less now.
I don't have any children myself but I am a quiet observer of those that do. In retrospect, my parents were stressed and they needed a way to blow off steam in the present moment. Alcohol may not have been the ideal choice but it was readily available and better than other substances they could have chosen. When I see parents today, what my parents went through seems like a breeze - and I know it wasn't. There are so many stresses in modern day life. It's no wonder that people drink, take anti-depressants, etc. We are asked to adapt to a maladaptive society.
I deliberately chose not to have children because I knew I couldn't handle having kids, working full time, and maintaining a relationship. I have the utmost respect for people that do. There is so much instability in modern life, it's a wonder that anyone goes through it sober. Look at the prevailing system in place and you'll see why a "Wine Mom Culture" exists.
In the U.S., we are not good at helping each other. Spend time in any Latin American country and you will see the difference. Way too much stress here, which leads to way too much dependence on alcohol and pills.
144
The article and many of the comments are a good reminder that the "temperance" movement was an important component of the original progressive movement. Carrie Nation is obviously still with us.
5
I'm mom to a toddler and definitely agree that the mommy wine culture is out of hand, not just for non-drinkers but for everybody, and not because I think it's turning moms into problem drinkers but just because wine is not a great solution to the majority of the problems that books/blogs/other moms half-jokingly advise that it will solve. A glass of wine isn't going to sit down with your husband and hash out a more equitable division of parenting labor or figure out how to address your toddler's tantrums. Rather than essentially be encouraged to cope with stress alone by drinking wine, new moms really ought to be working on broadening and maximizing their support system so they don't feel so alone.
45
Nora. In Chicago. Smart
3
I don't like wine or beer, so I don't drink them. I do have a bit of liquor every few months, but my doctor still classes me as a non-drinker for some reason. It annoys me slightly, since I have no objection to drinking, it just doesn't do much for me.
If you don't want to drink, then don't.
Icecream is much tastier than most alcohol anyway.
9
As someone with no problem with, but no interest in, alcohol ( it does not do for me what it does for most people...it relaxes you really? )it seems to me that a great deal of what those who would like to drink but can’t view as pressure is all in their heads. I turn down drinks all the time. Since the subject isn’t fraught for me I know just how little most people give it much attention after you say “ no thanks I don’t drink”
25
Interesting column. My parents came of age just as my father joined the Navy and was deployed shortly after Pearl Harbor. They and all their friends had "cocktails" every evening before dinner. Both worked outside the home. I was the youngest kid. I never experienced either of them as intoxicated or even slightly impaired. I also didn't view their cocktail hour as "stress management" and I would be surprised if they did. It always seemed to me as just a social time. So this makes me wonder if the concept of "wine mom" needs to be understood in a larger context, and if, in fact, the problem is not "stress management" but "stress."
42
What's happened to motherhood? I was a stay at home mom 35 years ago. I had no car except on days when I drove my husband to work. I baked my own bread, made yogurt, sewed, and had a garden every summer. By todays standards my life was incredibly boring, but I was totally satisfied and enjoyed my children. I made time for myself by getting up early in the morning to enjoy a quite moment and a cup of coffee always reading the paper or sometimes finishing off a book from the library. I'm sorry young moms if this culture denies you this privilege. It was a good life.
172
There are still a few of us doing it this way. The kids love it.
8
It was a good life and a good time, but today buying even a modest house in many job markets requires two good incomes, and very few jobs today provide adequate pension benefits or long term security of being employed. And if you went to college, you probably didnt have large loan payments to make.
37
Young mother in the early 90's. My mom and dad both worked, although my mom took a few years off to have my sister. She always told me "kids are only young once and you don't get those years back", however she liked working. Had my kids when my husband was in the Army. It was a really nice time, met a lot of nice people. Couldn't work if I wanted too, hiring freeze on base and nothing off, very isolated post. We went to story time, walked around the neighborhood, had a garden. When my youngest son was in kindergarten we landed back in the 'real' world. Lots of stress here. Kids in school and sports programs with quite serious parents. New cars, bigger houses, vacations. Both parents working all the time. I guess it's a choice, but it sure is hard in the rat race.
13
What I really wish is that you would write an article about being an alcohol free hostess! I have been an alcohol free guest for years, but people who like to drink seem to get a look of fear in their eyes when you talk to them about spending an alcohol free evening in a dry home!
63
Mainly because people like to drink and don't have these weird inhibitions, you don't sound like a really fun guest or host
13
People who don't drink make people who drink uncomfortable.
13
Wow. Talk about jumping to conclusions! People who don’t drink are not automatically not “really fun”. There are a whole host of reasons a person might not serve alcohol at a party. It’s wonderful when everyone is fully present! Try it sometime. No one ever has to take your keys away also!
10
I have a difficult time empathizing with the so-called challenges of "wine mom culture". No one forced you to have a child and no one forced you to live in an uppity and expensive suburb where wine "wine mom culture" exists. We all deal with stress on a daily basis, both professionally and at home. It's called life.
56
Yes and what are the kids doing when all this wine is consumed. I coach youth sports and see that parents today are so distracted by their work, phones and drinking that the kids get neglected. Parents are only half trying at raising kids. What about having some fun with the kids for an evening?
16
Stopping altogether is good advice for people who cannot control their drinking.
17
There are 88,000 alcohol related deaths annually. Only a tenth of those involve automobiles. The remainder are lives shortened because of alcohol abuse. I have a few alcoholic loved ones who died early and others who are well on their way. Two women who grew up within a stones throw of me have died from the effects of alcohol, never reaching age 50 and leaving behind young children. It's deadlier than guns.
35
Th expectation to drink is a general social issue, not a mom issue.
101
Instead of alcohol: how about running, walking, hiking, skiing, mt. biking, road biking, taking baths, following politics, reading the NY Times, cooking as a family, trying new recipes, drinking coffee and tea. That is how my family unwinds on the weekends with two teenage boys. Alcoholism runs in the family on both sides, so we avoid it at all costs. It is simply not worth it. It does make me sad to see how our culture is so alcohol dependent. When I am out I have a diet coke instead.
39
"I don't drink, I just take anti-depressants to deal with stress" Nice one mom, pop another xani when your kid has a fit.
18
A “xani” is not an anti-depressant. Nor are anti-depressants something you “pop” when your kids have a fit. Anti-depressants are a treatment modality for depression, a mental illness. Chronic stress can lead to depression. I, for one, am glad this mother has chosen to address her condition so that she can enjoy being a parent and live her life to its fullest.
61
A "xani" is not an antidepressant and she never said she took sedatives. Many people have serious mood disorders and antidepressant medication is helpful.
28
It's a copout, she'd rather take me easy way by popping some pills and preaching to mothers that have a glass of wine and take responsibility of her own actions and rotten kids
3
All this drinking, Im sick of it. Grow a garden, read a book, stop to say a prayer somewhere, take a walk, listen to music and dance, bring someone a gift, grow as a person instead of numbing yourself to life, live life!
32
If you don't care to imbibe then by all means don't, but don't go about scolding those who do enjoy a glass of wine with dinner or with a friend. Most of us are entirely capable of growing gardens, reading books and doing all manner of things while also enjoying a glass of wine or a cocktail now and again.
83
Me too. It's obsessive.
1
I am mystified by the number of people who find parenthood so stressful. Some people have specific circumstances that make it so, but in general, is it so bad? I have three boys and I loved their childhood years. It wasn't always easy, but it was wonderful.
34
Totally depends on the kids. Perhaps you got lucky with three easy ones. One of mine started screaming with colic the instant she was born and hasn't stopped screaming since.
49
Mine too - now 7, we think she has celiac.
5
It depends. Some people are just too busy to enjoy their kids. When I was growing up in the 60s....nearly every mom was a SAHM. They had TIME to enjoy stuff and deal with the ups and downs of having toddlers or pre-schoolers. Today, nearly every mom works -- even if it is not economically necessary -- because you are treated like a lazy, grifting moron if you stay home, even just a couple of years. And employers DO make it hard to get back into the workforce.
Women are up against a finite universe, where there are only so many hours in a day -- and many of the things we ask children to do today....all day kindergarten, 12 hours a day in day care facilities, long commutes in cars, uncomfortable car seats, fearfulness of playing outdoors or by a child's self....mean that moms who could once "delegate" ("go outside to play, kids and don't come back until dinner!) now have to be micromanaging their children 24/7 (AND working full time!).
If that were not enough....there is a dangerous kind of competitiveness around, perhaps derived from the competition we feel at our jobs -- to be the very best, get all A's, have dozens of extra curriculars -- or heaven forbid, we won't get into the perfect Ivy League college and our futures are over!
There is the push to be a helicopter parent (or be mocked as a bad parent) -- even the pressure to breast feed (when you don't really want to) or have natural childbirth (when you don't really want to). Over time, all of this ADDS UP.
52
Taking medication for a mental health issue is not the same as drinking to excess. For those suffering from depression and/ or anxiety, taking medication prescribed and monitored appropriately can provide relief and a lifting of such debilitating symptoms as ruminating thoughts so one can better benefit from therapy and self care strategies such as yoga etc. I teach Mental Health First Aid, one of the biggest barriers to getting help is stigma and shame around mental health issues. From some comments, it appears some are fortunate enough not to have experienced clinical depression and anxiety, good for you, but for those of us who have, there is no shame in using a multi-pronged approach that includes medication. Thank you to the author for sharing her story.
86
American culture glamorizes drinking and dealing with stress the easy way. Controlling and managing stress are too much work apparently. No wonder so many fall into the trap of turning to external resources to deal with life!
18
Once the moms uncork the Pino Grigio, they have no regrets about having children.
16
I'm surprised that the author still thinks this is a new issue:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/16/fashion/16drunk.html
8
Where does the author present this as a new issue?
9
Why does this article need to be targeted at parents (moms in particular) instead of non-drinkers in general? Some parents drink because they enjoy it. Or am I only allowed to enjoy baths, journaling, and quiet contemplation now that I'm a mother?
163
What an eye-opening read on sober parenting! Excellent article and thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your experience with this challenge in our Western alcohol/substance-centric culture. As a yoga teacher, I think that self-care is critical throughout one's life, especially if taking care of another human (be it a child or a parent). Turning to any substance rather than looking within and taking extra long deep breaths only magnifies one's anxieties and even suppresses the body and mind's stresses. Sober parenting is a necessary model for how to handle life at all stages -- to be more creative and health conscious!
11
I wish this author had talked a little more about the capacity for moderation. Not everyone who likes a glass of wine with her fellow mommies is at risk (or unhappy or sloppy). It's possible to have a night out with wine and friends on the menu of respites from our parent and work identities without being owned or controlled by alcohol. And while I don't want to normalize alcoholism, I'm happy to let my kids know that I can have a glass or two of wine and be responsible about it.
200
It is not the occasional glass of wine or two -- it is the DAILY wine at 4PM or the daily wine that creeps from 1 glass to 3 or more -- when you can pound down an entire bottle on your own. Or when you are embarrassed enough that you hide the bottles.
I don't think anyone is objecting here to OCCASIONAL glasses of wine -- not at all.
26
It’s a slippery slope.
12
Thanks, Mom of 3 -
Drinking is bad for alcoholics, drinking is often not recommended when on anti-depressents.
This is an article about extremes - sloppy drunk mom vs. straightedge mom.
Can Pamela Druckerman weigh in?
2
I grew up with a brother with alcohol and drug issues. It made me the opposite. I am perfectly fine telling people I don't want to drink and have never really understood why women chat about alcohol the way they do.
I have stress from working full-time, running my child to various events, taking care of two households, fixing things, figuring out what is wrong with my car... the list is endless. I can't seem to motivate my husband to get off the couch away from his phone and TV. My way of relaxing is drinking coffee and gardening or reading a book. I would like to get back into mountain biking and camping with my daughter, now that she is ten years old. I like to bake a new recipe each weekend with my daughter or play a board game. Life is too short to waste it with alcohol and drugs. Never solves the underlying problems. Seen it with my brother.
47
@ KLL - You're really admirable. I'm sorry your husband is not helping you. Good for you for forging ahead. I know it can't be easy.
11
Life is also too short to waste it with a guy who won't get off the couch.
15
Don't antidepressants also squelch emotions vs. addressing them? And how is the author's use of prescription medicine, even if taken under doctor's orders, radically different from those who choose to self-medicate with booze?
full disclosure: I'm sober.
16
And anti-anxiety medication i.e lorazepan is addictive; a little something that doctors may not mention as they keep renewing prescriptions. Wait until you to decide to stop taking it and make sure you're working with a doctor. I'm sober and I kicked lorazepan.
6
It's a common myth that antidepressants squelch emotions.
Thanks to my Effexor prescription, I feel all the same emotions I ever did ... but now I can talk myself down from my rage without cutting myself or punching myself in the head. I was a danger to myself and others. I'm glad I got help before I knocked myself out while driving down the freeway.
Needless to say, this was a better treatment plan than alcohol, which would not have made me a safer driver.
19
Nope, they don't squelch emotions.
I'm an anhedonic depressive when I'm not medicated. I don't feel sad or stay in bed all day, I just don't enjoy anything. The event that got me to my doctor was realizing at one point that I'd gone so long without being happy that when I was happy one morning, it was such strange emotion that I had to go through a couple lists of emotions to figure out what it was. I had literally forgotten what it felt like to be happy. My anti-depressants allow me to feel happy.
15
Alcohol is a chemical that irritates the nervous system, in the long run. Amazes me that people who put so much emphasis on personal health also consume a toxic chemical and don't see any contradiction. And 'just one' glass of wine can become 2 or 3 easily, or the servings can be more than 5 ounces. Driving after drinking (or dealing with your toddler's nightmares when alcohol is still active in your brain) is not a good idea. If you are sure you don't have a problem with alcohol, try to abstain for 3 months. If your MD ordered 3 months without alcohol for health reasons, you could do that.......
10
I'm a mom and have never been much of a drinker. I find all the "mommy wine culture" stuff vaguely alarming and I do think it is related to how our culture says women's emotions need to be squelched. It also relates to how marriages change after children are born. For me, it was a shock to have a child and suddenly my (now ex) husband expected me to carry the burden of management (and no, I wasn't nitpicky of how he did things). He was busy in his career. But I have a career too. I was raised on the back of women's equality. To have this sudden turnabout in my marriage (and no comprehension on my ex-husband's part that it was any kind of problem, despite multiple attempts at asking for change on my part over years), was incredibly wounding.
I think the "mommy wine culture" is a direct result of such naive expectations on the part of women - I say naive but I do not fault them. Men, as fathers, you are failing all of us (please do not chime in with your experience of a husband that does half - your experience is NOT the majority).
136
I used to drink two drinks a day (beer or wine) at the end of the day after my two children went to bed. I now regret this, as I think even this moderate amount of alcohol made me less patient and quicker to anger the next day. I noticed that when I cut back to only having these 2 drinks on weekend nights, I was much nicer during the week.
45
That's just your experience. Not everyone gets angry and short tempered after winding down with a drink.
17
Yes - But that was my genuine experience with this issue, so it's helpful to share it.
57
Since this article is about parents, please consider the unseen side of parental drinking from the child's perspective. The child lives with an altered parent, creating confusion and distress. The child may be subject to erratic behavior, slurred speech, dangerous car rides, passed out parents, and all manner of unpredictable and unsafe circumstances. Or, in a child's language, just scary. Yes, I recognize that not all drinking parents are alcoholics. But the casual, widespread encouragement of drinking to cope with parental stress ignores what children may be living with as their parents "cope."
92
Thank you for this. As a child of alcoholic parents myself, witnessing my parents change every night after drinking, I felt everything from embarrassment to terror. My home was an unstable place where I felt helpless. No child should have to endure that. Ever.
11
Aren't the dopey oh-so-cute cliches in the wine-mom culture enough an excuse not to participate in it?
Exercise is not sufficiently discussed as an alternative to creepy wine-mom events. Indeed, while the wine-mom crowd gets annoyingly drunk, lethargic, and chubby, you can get toned, healthy, and de-stressed in the most effective de-stresser available in the market place today.
Also, the last sentence in this article: "... simply getting a good night's sleep"? come on. Who can get a good night's sleep when you are all stressed out? Really.
17
Wait, the author doesn't drink but she takes anti-depressants? Then she is still medicating. Whether you are a parent or an elder caregiver (as I was), your responsibilities to caring for another human being are daunting. The responsibility doesn't end until they leave home or, in the case of elder care, they die. You are trapped in a life that offers no meaningful respite. And yes I drank like a fish just to keep from getting in my car and driving away, never to return. When my elder died, I stopped drinking so much. I don't judge the author for using pills instead of booze to get by, but I don't appreciate the judgmental attitude of the author towards women who choose booze instead of pills.
91
I hear you but, taking an antidepressant is a far cry from excessive drinking. I've been on both sides. I don't think this article is talking about moderate drinking, though she never says that. Moderate drinking is what the medical guidelines say 1 drink/day for women, 2 for men, and who could have an issue with that? We just love excess in this country.
20
I don't appreciate the judgmental attitude in your comment. Anti-depressants are not the same as alcohol. Alcohol is not a medication that is prescribed to treat an illness. By conflating depression or anxiety with boozing or pill-addiction, you do a disservice to those of us who are taking a responsible approach to dealing with mental health issues. Depression and anxiety themselves alter your outlook and behavior. Medication puts you back on track.
133
There is no rehabilitation needed for people who take prescription anti depressants. Booze, that is another story.
17
Sober parenting: the gift that keeps on giving!
26
Alcohol is so rampant everywhere. I'm not a drinker. Yet I have signed up for yoga, pottery, painting, Crossfit, horseback riding, public meetings (?) and at every event, alcohol is central/offered if it is taking place in the evenings. I truly wonder how recently sober alcoholics have any sort of social life.
So it's not only the retreat for people with limited time for self care and socialization, it's also a key part of alternative self care and socialization options. It's also disappointing that people are so pushy about the drinking, especially women. On more than one occasion, I felt compelled to have a drink in my hand to "fit in", or I avoided events because I can't stand being around drunk people.
76
Clearly you don't know anyone who can have a drink or two and remain coherent. Not everyone who drinks (moderately) has a problem. There are many of us who are responsible drinkers, and who fortunately don't have the disease of alcoholism.
22
I agree. I do drink and at times get annoyed that everything revolves around alcohol. I even joined a no alcohol meetup just to be able to hang out in other social settings. I also have the old glass in hand trick long after it is empty to put the barflies at rest.
Patou thou protests too much.
6
Patou is being perfectly reasonable. I also have been a parent for a long time and during the many years I've been a parent I have attended any number of social functions where wine (or Bloody Marys, or gin and tonic) has been offered. The vast majority of mothers (and fathers) at these get-togethers drink alcohol responsibly if they drink it at all, and I have only rarely seen anyone push alcohol on anyone else. Nonalcoholic beverages have always been available - when I am driving those are what I choose, and no one has ever pressured me to do otherwise. If you find it difficult to say no to unwanted alcohol then find things to do that don't involve alcohol, but stop being so judgy about those of us who do enjoy a glass of wine.
8