Per Instagrams terms of service, 13 is the minimum age. Learn to read and teach your children how to read before "allowing" your 9 year old on Instagram. The app is filled with adult content that they refuse to police. I'm not sure why anyone would let their child on there.
4
I just discovered my 8-year-old niece has an Instagram account. Looks like it’s been up a week. She takes her mother’s phone sometimes and usually just uses the Musically app. She posted numerous photos and videos of herself, and it’s not private. I checked on one of her postings, fully clothed and smiling, and one of the followers is a grown man. Needless to say, I am alarmed. I’m a teacher and former nanny and well-aware of what’s out there. I do believe kids eventually should be taught how to navigate social media, but before they’re given free reign to use it and at the appropriate age. Some good sites to check out: Socialsklz http://www.socialsklz.com/
Above the Fray http://www.beabovethefray.org/.
Also a must read: http://nationalpost.com/news/canada/photos-shared-on-pedophile-sites-tak....
All I can say is most of these comments are so judgmental! I guess all the people posting hate comments on this very well written article are perfect parents! WOW, it must be great to be you. I believe that the majority of you have totally missed the point of this article. Social media is tough to tackle with kids, it's not going away and kids are curious. I would suggest that all the haters really examine their own parenting skills and get in touch with your own kids (who will by the way will find a way on social media, it's inevitable) and stop judging other people!
3
Wow! How easy it is for all you haters to sit in judgement of this writer and her parenting decisions. I ask you, why is it so important to you to be on social media, reading this article and writing negative responses? Does it give you power? I say take a look at yourself and ask if you want to be judged for the decisions you make with your kids, good or bad as they may be. Social media is NOT ever going away. Might as well get on board with it and educate your kids how to manage it in their lives.
Negative comments have nothing to do with being a "hater." In fact, "hater" is a very canny epithet being thrown about these days by people who cannot stand to be disagreed with, and who refuse to consider rational arguments without freaking out. It is a label that ignorant people hide behind, people who don't want to know facts, but only want to have their own limited views corroborated. Our society has degenerated to the point where few understand debate and argument anymore. We do not teach critical analysis in schools. Many people think everything is about them and that disagreement with foolishness is a personal condemnation.
The term "hater" reflects an infantile mentality.
Not every innovation is a good thing. Societies are attacked from within and without by unwholesome influences. If they fail to recognize them and take responsible action, they fall and fail. Rome, etc.
It is a fact that children's brains are not the same as adults. It is a fact that extremely complicated neurological imprinting processes occur in the first 7-10 years. Interaction with the digital world is NOT interaction with the human and physical world. It works against the natural development of the child in many areas--socialization (real not media), empathy, large motor skills, imaginative and critical thinking. There is no justification for spending time thinking along this author's lines. I am a teacher of college students. I already see the zombification.
4
This Psychologist has devoted her practice to internet addiction in youths.
i-Minds by Dr. Mari K. Swingle book provides the clear scientific proof to back up what we've all been suspecting: we're all subjects in a massive experiment to see what "i-Technology" will do to our brains. http://www.imindsbook.com/
China has re-education programs for internet addicted youth. And since they will be taking over our nation soon, we might want to take a page from their book, since they understand a couple of things better then we.
1
Your daughter wants her own you tube channel? Nope, she wants attention. Please give her some, Mom.
4
Put your own screen down and actually have a conversation with your kid.
4
Answer to the headline question? NEVER.
The author obviously is not up to date on the latest research about how damaging diigitalia is to children (and adults too, of course). Or the warnings from the founders of the tech industry about the slippery slope it's all taking us down. Or you don't care, because it's a done deal, right? The backlash against all this is about to begin....
5
Infecting young children with a digital addiction is child abuse.
4
American Academy of Pediatrics strongly recommends no-exceptions rule of NO tech before age 9. It is stunning to me that this author and her parenting cohort believe that they can out-parent a child's brain . . .that is not fully developed until age 25.
Read the mother and grandmother story in this news cycle who lost their "digital native" son to White Supremacists and full-throated neo-Nazism. Lamenting now: " . . .how do we get him back?"
3
Even contemplating an online performance life for under-12s feels a little stage mothery.
2
Disclaimer: I don't have kids.
As an adult observer and casual user of these platforms, the appeal to kids is obvious: content comes at you fast, loud, and there is always something new in the feed. You can definitely make the case that long-term acculturation to this kind of format isn't the best for a young mind's development. Plus, there is also (and always) the risk of them coming across more mature content.
The biggest issue that I haven't seen mentioned here is the scope of the personality cults surrounding big "influencers" on social media. Usually these people are bad role models because they are vapid and egotistical - famous for being famous - but because of this their antics make for perfect fodder for short-form, hyperactive photo and video content. Legions of kids are just enthralled by these people, and place all of their identity and personality into their idols. That's no way to grow up, and kids don't have the perspective yet to see that these influencers are really just bratty teens. The whole phenomenon is something that, if it happened to my generation or earlier, we'd look back and laugh about that stupid stuff we liked as kids. But imagine instead of it being a phase, it's constant and there is no barrier between your own personal experience and your consumption of that stupid stuff!?
4
We too have a 7 yr old and she has no idea what FB, Instagram or any social media platform is and we, prefer it that way. They lack the maturity to understand that posting pictures of themselves on the internet have consequences. Once it is posted, it's out of one's control forever. Perverts scour the internet looking for photos of kids to photo-shop for porn sites. What is wrong with you? You're the adult. Set a boundary. Be a parent. Stop caving to the false narrative that a 7 yr old not exposed to a digitized world sets them up for failure. It is nonsense propagated by the digital education and marketing machines like ABC Mouse, etc. Our daughter uses a tablet for short periods of time to watch movies that I transfer from downloads to her equipment, but the internet connection is purposely disabled on her device. She writes in script, understand two languages, completes basic algerbraic equations on her own, routinely turns empty cardboard boxes into fully functioning paper airplanes and reads real books at a 4th grade level without our help & she did all without once connecting to the internet. Old-fashioned parenting, where we set the boundaries & expectations. Ever notice that half these young children who are wired in to these devices from a young age have trouble focusing, speech impediments or sit in restaurants like zombies without table manners & staring at phones instead of engaging in conversation with their families? How sad.
3
The Luddites and holier-than-thous on here are hysterical (in both senses of the word), unlike the author, who seems to be taking a calm, measured approach to current reality. She should be applauded.
4
" I am proud to see him find a place in the wider world"- at age 9?? What is the rush, and why is the author so proud of this fact?
"My son has A.D.H.D and often feels frustrated at his failures" - okay, did it cross your mind for a moment that perhaps the screen time is part of the problem? Find his people? Causation or correlation that his people are on social media too?
"I still haven't figured out what to tell the 7 year old about a YouTube channel". There, in a nutshell, is your problem, Ms. Ketteler. You haven't figured it out.
5
An incredibly mean comment. It's not like your opinions are based in fact.
Here we are, some, like this author, thinking the "wider world" exists on a computer screen. I agree with your comment, Boston Gail. Many tech luminaries don't let their young kids use it. The people who understand it best are coming out with a lot of revelations about the dark side of the digital. Their children are educated in schools where leaders will come from--and they will be taught to think for themselves. The author's kids, and those of people like her, will be fodder.
Why is a nine year old on Instagram? The minimal age is at least 13. That's the Core of the problem right there... along with teaching your kid that rules are meant to be broken, at least by him.
6
What about teaching him to spend the same amount of time with those obsolete items known as "books"? Oh, never mind.
4
That ship sailed a generation back.
1
This whole article encapsulates what is wrong with upper class child rearing.
1. The author takes for granted that the rules of Instragram can be ignored for her own children. Its terms of service stipulate usage at 13. The author doesn't even address this, because her core assumption is that rules don't apply to her own children when it comes to their desires.
2. The author takes for granted that Instragram & You Tube are necessary for 7 & 9 year olds, because in her limited social circle, they are. There is no discussion about other possible activities. There is merely the assumption that 'everyone' does this & her job is to set boundaries (& very loose ones at that).
3. The author justifies her decision by saying it's 'creative' & that by viewing what they post online, she 'has a little window' into what they're doing with their lives--as opposed to, oh, being in their lives.
4. No discussion about how self-image & development may be harmed through a need to present a false persona that is seeking 'likes' (approval, popularity). The tiny children are encouraged instead to market themselves all the time through a narrow & implicitly false set of parameters, aware in a way no 7 & 9 year old should be, of how they should present themselves to gain more popularity, & what they should conceal.
Essentially, she is saying: "Everyone does it, so my kids have to too. I won't think about the repercussions because my kids need to be popular." Very shallow for the NYT.
9
Not "shallow." This is essential reading and Comments that lay out far better life choices for parents. At the very least, there will be this written record for this author's/parent's kids when they're trying to heal on their own . . .20 years from now.
I was weak!
I allowed my son to play computer games endlessly, mostly behind my back, until he was hopelessly addicted and missed all of his 11th grade second semester.
My daughter got a phone too early and was on it too often.
My son went to college on my dime, promptly flunked it and came back home to work night shifts at seven eleven.
This was about a dozen years ago.
Eventually they both got some smarts, graduated from good schools and got really good jobs at obscene salaries.
I think most healthy kids eventually figure it out.
1
Yeah, but I'd give anything now NOT to have allowed my kids smartphones so early. Say goodbye to family time, say goodbye to singing in the car, say goodbye to kid-hood.
3
That will happen anyway, smartphones or not.
Sorry, but you're out of your mind.
Relying on your children to do what's right after you've contracted with them to do so as you simulatenously license them to follow their curiosity.
"they may come across inappropriate images, mean comments or people asking them questions about themselves." you don't say MAY, now really you KNOW they will see these kinds of images and much more.
Nine hours a day of screen media means you are an intellectual wasteland and being constantly dumbed down. They aren't reading the classics online or studying philosophy that's for sure.
Young people just love fooling their parents into believing they are keeping an agreement. How naive can you be?
Join the Scouts, a little league team, play soccer, go swimming, talk with real people in person.
Your "global connectivity" sell is a hard one. Reason being the intimacy is an illusion, a fabrication of one's own mind thus a figment of one's imagination rapidly becoming overblown with self-aggrandizement and narcistic isolation.
Real human intimacy cannot be attained on Facebook. And I'm sure that by age nine you will have no idea what he/she is really up to.
The insidious nature of the web is beyond ordinary comprehension. No need to go where angels fear to tred. That's why Instagram sets those age limits. How charitable to our youth.
You might track the comments made of late by those very wise creators of social media sites and how they monitor their children. Very restrictive bc they KNOW.
4
If NYT had the goal of being provocative with this piece, they were successful. I hope they were not fooled into thinking this was wise parenting advice from a level-headed mom backed up by "expert" confirmation. This woman is so mixed up in so many ways as already pointed out by other comments. My concern is that NYT, by printing this without any context regarding current research understanding of the social media effects on young minds, is cavalierly endangering other children whose parents may be influenced by this anecdotal misadventure.
6
These comments, in a sense, provide the context. In any case, context in the sense you mean it is not the responsibility of the NYT. It's responsibility is to present the news, first, and then a variety of ideas and entertainments for consideration and discussion. The responsibility for providing the discussion part is up to each reader.
At 91 years of age, I found the joint planning between parent and child for negotiating a new world, interesting and appropriate. Until I read the comments, however, I had no idea of the context; my approval and admirations were considerably diminished.
So, thanks for both the article and the comments. A live discussion, for me, is not likely. L&B&L
This is a very slippery slope. As a parent of now 30 somethings, we found the seduction of digital entertainment was constantly at odds with school, extracurricular activities and family time. Very difficult to battle. I found myself learning how to remove the graphics card from our PC (not so hard) to prevent our kids from spending too much time on video games. One of our kids went to camp for most of the summer (as a teen) where there was no computer/internet/cable access, and he came back as a reader and declared computer games and TV were a monumental waste of time (and yes, he went to camp with enthusiasm). I'd recommend (as an old mommy) that the child's access be through a computer as opposed to a tablet---easier to lock them out, easier to disable, easier to "be the boss of digital"....and yes, they'll wail and gnash their teeth. That's okay. Be the grownup.
5
I can try to understand the 'need' to teach children the pros and cons of internet. Social media -a nice way- to categorize nonsense (IMHO) is only a part of it. However, i would like to ask the author if she is teaching her children how to use log tables (aka mathematical tables) and math and other basic 'have to know' skills for their future? When a huge solar flare hits the earth all these social-media and internet would become paralyzed and they can't google their way out of math/science problems. If parents of young children spend some time in teaching their kids the basics of science and math, it would be more beneficial compared to signing 'contracts' on using internet!! Perhaps a better contract would emphasize more on limited access to internet and that too for educational purposes only!!
2
All good advice, but what's missing and critical is family screen-free time. Look into the neuroscience of screen addiction - it's eroding our humanity and impacting our children's attachment security. Nothing predicts unhappiness and other problems more loudly than insecure attachment, which is impacted merely by the distractibility and loss of focus technology provides.
1
I was brought up on books, but I still managed to get myself in some pretty tricky situations - mostly without my parents finding out. I'm a big fan of books, but kids today need to be familiar and comfortable with technology. Better to be monitoring and guiding them than to pretend they never use it.
1
We all need a little deprivation from our parents. Be a champion for your child -- and his mental health. My parents didn't allow me to watch much TV and what I could watch was limited to what came in over a shoddy antenna. I thought it was unfair. I felt uncool. But by the time I was 18, I didn't care. Now, I'm grateful. Kids have their entire working adult lives to waste on social media. Facebook/Instagram, they are in the market for your child's mind and soul. Sure, I'll have the conversation with my child, but I will apologetically try to discourage social media in our house.
2
As an educator, I've experienced this relatively new idea of writing up a contract between student, teacher, and parent (when one actually attempts to get involved!) agreeing to adhere to certain parameters and rules! It's 2018 in American culture! How long do you think all parties follow the rules?!
1
These contracts are entirely so the parents can have the illusion they are setting boundaries. "Look at what a good parent I am! I wrote a contract! See?"
It's a useless piece of paper, and everyone knows it. I mean if they can violate Instragram's contract (the child is underage) why would they then turn around and expect the child to abide by this contract? They are simply encouraging the kid to lie to them.
5
Putting technology in front of a kid trusting that they will obey the rules is what's known as a 'stumbling block before the blind'. The point is, they are not developmentally ready to resist the addictive nature of screens and negotiate a digital world. "Contracts" are only there to make schools and parents feel better.
3
Hi. I’m a parent writing in from the 16th-century and let me tell you, we have the same problem here with these new-tangled things called “books”. Now, I know some parents who not only give their kids books, but are actually teaching them to read properly themselves! I know, right?! I can’t imagine leaving my child alone with a strange book. Who knows what could be in it? Better to keep them away from these things altogether, don’t you agree?
I like the approach, but think that the children are too young to understand the consequences. Your son's picture is undoubtedly on some pedophile's computer: that would freak me out.
There is stuff I don't know - as - can you totally block any comments on youtube? Because every post on open sites draws trolls -and often vile comments - to the extent that I don't even look at some otherwise decent websites, because they are unmoderated. As in - I'm an adult and find them upsetting.
Kids do need to understand "what's out there" but they shouldn't be over exposed and the message should fit the age. We talk to children about privacy and, say, Good vs Bad Touches. We don't show them child porn because they need to know what's out there. The problem with unfiltered internet exposure is that they can easily find themselves face to face with frightening and demeaning content.
The other problem is of course, that they are spending time in faux relationships instead of building real ones... and learning to seek ephemeral social approval from a world of strangers.
3
We are teaching our 7 year old and 9 year old to eat trash a little bit at a time, responsibly. We allow them to forage in various dumpsters and rubbish heaps all over town. This is better than simply explaining they are wallowing in the refuse of a garbage culture.
58
I wonder if the author also allows her 7-year-old to access porn online, attend R-rated movies, and drive a car. You know, so she can monitor his activities and make sure he's learning responsible use of all these things.
Or maybe she should read the Terms of Service with him -- the ones that explicitly forbid what she's doing with the very first line: "You must be 13 years or older to use this site" -- and they can both learn some responsibility.
1
You have to wonder how these children are being raised and what sorts of signals they are getting in their household, that a seven-year-old would even consider wanting her own YouTube channel.
29
You wonder? Really? I think it's pretty clear. It's the baby-sitter, while Mom lives her life.
1
Is it really that much of a mystery? Kids watch YouTube all the time; why wouldn't they want to take part? You can argue whether its something that anyone should spend their time on, but it's not indicative of something sinister or neglectful in the kid's home life.
I don't think it's that different from a child wanting to write her own books or newspaper, or film her own movies. This is just part of the entertainment/social culture for kids today. She's thinking "I have something to say" or "I see other people doing that and I want to try too."
Why are most of the comments to this article from adults? Is it because kids don't read newspapers? Perhaps they're too busy checking out their YouTube channel or Instagram posts? If you want to teach your kids responsibility, interact with them! Entertain them yourself! Your not teaching them responsibility, because they're too young to understand the scope of Social Media. It sounds like you are too. Inviting an unrestricted babysitter that can do permanent damage to your children - and this is VERY irresponsible.
9
Good gravy. I can’t imagine. At nine years old I was outside and riding a bike and playing baseball and the phone I used had a cord and hung in the kitchen.
Technology is fine but it would be a cold day before my elementary aged child would have a cell phone or be on Instagram.
19
I have 14 and 19 year old girls.
I tossed the TV 18 years ago.
The 14 year old has no smart phone, and one social media account - Instagram. She gets 15 minutes a day on it, on my phone.
She has a computer her school gave her (I wouldn't have). She does schoolwork and she gets a movie on the weekends.
The 19 year old stared at her phone incessantly as a 9th grader, went to a wilderness expedition school for the entirety of her 10th grade year, and returned with an active disdain for the screen, which continues to today.
They read, study, spend time outdoors, and the 14 year old actually PLAYS with her friends, building stuff, sledding, going in the neighbors pond, taking care of the animals, babysitting. It has no impact on her social life, but I won't pretend she is happy about it. I know at some point, probably sooner than I want, I will have to cave and allow her a smart phone. You can bet it will come with plenty of strings attached, and she can go hog wild with it as she chooses in college. By then, she'll have had eighteen years to just be in the world, and develop her brain without zoning out for nine hours a day. It's worth it people - and it doesn't really have to be that big of a deal. You're in charge.
22
There are a few kids like this--we need more of them....It's not impossible.
These people are doing world-changing work to make sure there's more of them. https://www.kroka.org/page/index.shtml
Every generation has parents who want to be the "cool mom or dad," regardless of the immediate or delayed adverse consequences to their kids. Saying and doing right things when raising kids, are often more difficult that the choosing easy, wrong things, and the word "no," is one word that is not popular to children. My late parents pat expression, "No, because I said so," may not resonate well with modern parents who believe children need a rationale for everything, but "because I said so," was simply backed-up with wisdom that we children did not have and parents did not need to explain. My own adult children now get why I said no, when they were minors, "No, you can't go to the keg party even though the (cool) parents are there to 'supervise,'" "Yes, you may attend the co-ed party, but not stay for the sleep-over portion, even though the (cool) parents are there to supervise." I was not so naive to not know that my children could make a few poor or risky decisions on their own, but I was not going to upfront condone them. Raising children entails emphasizing that they eventually need make the right decisions without your presence. Guiding them to learn how involves parents saying,"no" a lot.
10
I can't fathom giving a young child like that an Instagram account. Their brains are underdeveloped to make decisions, their photos will be in cyberspace forever (and we should all know by now just how safe our information is), and Instagram helps promote the narcissism that is already a problematic issue in our culture.
22
What can parents do? How about say, "No." Clearly and definitively.
34
Right. Sure thing.
I find it hard to believe that anyone who says this has ever had kids. Or had smart kids. Or kids that weren't so beat down and obedient that they can't seem to leave home after adulthood.
Sorry, reality doesn't work like your special authoritarian world does. The children of authoritarian parents aren't stopped by parental prohibition - they merely enjoy their vices in an uncontrolled manner.
4
@ Multimodalmomma
I have always found it hard to believe that so many parents obviously had no clue that having a child was not like owning/training a dog.
In fact, I have always found it hard to believe that so many people own dogs that obviously had no clue it was a lot of work to take care of a dog.
But no, it does not surprise me that bad parents rationalize their bad parenting by blaming it on their children. Not surprised at all.
It is not a question of being authoritarian. It is a question of teaching things like manners, respect, intrinsic reward, and yes, extrinsic reward (or "treats" for doggies). Like dogs, kids are not usually stupid, but they need guidance, they need structure, they need confident and strong parents.
And if that does not work, then there is military school where being authoritarian has been honed to a certain skill. But it may simply be that the child(ren) will excel being away from its parents, because yes, often parents are the problem.
I mean, look at the odds. Why in the world would we expect virtually All People to be Good Parents?
'Tain't so.
2
that's not true at all, @multimodalmama. I have 5 kids and have taught for over 10 yeas. "No" is not authoritarian when it is about safety. "Mom, can I run in the street without looking?" No. "Mom, can I stick my hand in the fire?" No.
I've seen parents like you--they throw their hands up and say they 'can't' control their teens. These same teens come to school exhausted from going to sleep at 2 am, & extremely stressed because of the bullying online. Parents like you won't do anything to help their kids for fear of being 'authoritarian.' It's sad.
2
What is the real value of putting your kid on social media? At 9(!). We don't let our 12-year old have an Instagram account, and we therefore don't have to worry about her using such sites "responsibly." Don't you realize that you are producing a technology-dependent child who will become addicted to screens and will have a very hard time learning genuine social skills or how to read?
26
Wow! Instagram has really boosted my self-esteem and provided long-term happiness!
Said no kid, ever.
31
And the research on FB says the same thing. About adults. Not happier. More miserable.
1
I am a teenager with an iPhone. It's an old, less capable iPhone, but it's a smartphone nonetheless. That being said, I have never had social media nor ever been tempted to use it. There seems to be an attitude of "teenagers will always do bad things with a smartphone." Just because we have teenage hormones doesn't mean that we are completely incapable of self-control. I have ADHD. I enjoy reading, browsing the New York Times on my phone, occasionally texting a friend who lives in Idaho, and playing video games. Basically, what I'm saying is that kids are people with thoughts and feelings, not robots. If you want to restrict social media use, that's fine. Just don't equate harmful social media addiction (which many adults suffer from as well) with having a phone in general. I am typing this on my phone. I have several friends who also have no social media and are uninterested. I just wanted to get that out there. I've seen a lot of criticism in the comments here. If this lady's kid wants to share videos of himself doing what he loves, I say let him. Just monitor it. Be careful.
12
I hear you Evan but this kid is 9. Not a teenager. And a 7 year old who is aware of the idea of even having their "own channel"? Yikes.
11
Evan, you sound like a thoughtful, measured person. And, I think your smartphone use isn't typical in its measuredness, even for an adult! For most of us, they are inherently addictive. For young people whose brains are developing, who should be learning how to be in the world, who should be navigating the complexities and challenges of interacting with other people (in real life), smartphones can displace growing up with starting at a screen. Teenagers are awesome, I have two, and adults offering guidance doesn't mean they would otherwise be bad. But, there's a reason kids your age are still at home. And, this article is about a kid who is only about halfway between birth and teenagerhood.
ugh, this turns my stomach. I don't think any child has the brain development or maturity to have their own social media account or youtube channel. I don't think kids should even pierce their ears until they are teenagers, let kids mature before making decisions that may impact them years down the road.
12
It all just sounds like a really bad idea...
7
My kids get two hours a week of screen time, and social media is banned. no face book, no twitter, no instagram, no postings of any kind. social media is the TV reruns of our past, without the censorship. I have no idea why an intelligent person would want a 9 yr old on social media at all. My kids have been without these distractions long enough that they know they dont need them. they laugh at clasmates who literally live on their devices while we spend time together as a family instead. "how did you ban facebook?" some might ask, mouths agape. I am the parent; I mandated it. The way it's supposed to be. I want my children to be able to interact with people in person and impress them with their intelligence and interactivity. watching a screen full of drivel will not get my kids to that goal. these apps are not life critical.
16
Wow. So much nasty judgement here! I assume its all coming from perfect parents who only engage with their kids 24/7 and never let them watch TV, either! This is an article written by a parent feeling her way with technology that most kids embrace far less fearfully, looking to possibility rather than harm and limitation. We may not agree with the age or premise, but it would be nice to hear how others are managing, rather than just throwing out the insults.
10
That's right. The folks who are telling parents to say no are certainly not parents themselves of school age children. I suppose there's that small segment of families who home-school or send their kids to alternative (expensive) schools who have the luxury of never having to deal with social media, but if you have kids in public school it's a huge preoccupation. My son even uploads all of his homework via his smart phone to the school's website. So, yeah, folks, this is what most of us have to deal with, and we should be talking about management MORE not pretending it's only a problem for negligent or lazy parents. We held off the smartphones as long as we could -- until high school but it was a fight each and every day. Now we practice what the writer does: talking about the pros and cons and best uses of social media, etc.
Albeit a few years younger than I, I remember a couple of kids from my youth (70s), whose parents (different families) did not allow them to watch TV. The only "strange" thing about the kids were that they were what was called "nerdy", which meant that they were smarter than me. Granted, being smarter than me may have not been much of a challenge, but I do know that both sets of parents found television to be largely unproductive and non-educational, pushed their kids to read, and that the one family was composed of a academic/professor and an FBI agent, the other family were both academics/professors.
My parents in fact didn't like us sitting around all night watching "the tube," and quite frequently ran me out of the house to "go get some sunshine" and "do something". Granted, I am not sure she was always happy in regard to my choices for doing something, but I sure read a lot of books along the way and believe I am much better for it.
I cannot imagine how much time I would waste on the internet were I a child again. It is an amazing way to waste time, to dig up porn, to poke around in places one probably should not, not to mention the numerous abilities provided by various softwares to, sweepingly said, get into trouble.
Instead of letting kids out into the Big Bad Scary world (perverts on every corner!), parents today just let them bring it all into their rooms.
Brilliant. How naive can you get?
9
Thank you, Ms. Ketteler, for your thoughtful model, grounded in reality. It may be the first thing I've read that actually gave me hope that the next generations might learn to use new technologies in ways that enrich their life.
We should note that your son was using Instagram to develop his interest in a purely physical activity in which he finds challenge and joy. And that you are taking smart precautions to keep that development on track, so he doesn't get distracted by all the weird nonsense that he'll encounter on Instagram. Exactly what Sherry Turkle is talking about, and she's right.
4
It's great the kid has an activity that he loves and that takes practice to become better. A lot of us did similar things as kids and we showed off our abilities to our parents and friends. And we quickly learned when we had bored our audience. But this parent is encouraging her son to share his accomplishments with strangers all over the world, strangers who then reward the continuation of sharing with accolades and appreciation -- again and again, hour after hour, day after day. He eventually becomes a narcissist and later in life commands that people clap for his every dubious achievement.
Sorry but a 7- and a 9-year old have no business being on social media, and don't even "need" a smartphone, tablet or laptop. Children need to be children and we should let them. Regardless of what their friends are doing - it's an equally valuable lesson that you don't always follow the herd.
16
I re-read this article after posting one comment but I have to say that this mother is incredibly naive, or negligent-take your pick- and she is flirting with big trouble. What is she thinking? I worked in education for years and I know what goes on with kids-it would shock a lot of parents. So take it from me, no 9 year old should be on social media or even have a smart phone. A flip phone-you can still buy them-for emergencies is all any child 13 and under should have. And if you can't say no to a 7 and 9 year old you are already in trouble. If I had young children I think I would be home schooling them given the current social environment, not to mention school shootings.
6
A very wise parent indeed. I would caution, however, about over dependence on "the experts". They are the ones who made parenting recommendations in the 60's and 70's that have resulted in so much deterioration of parenting control.
"this was part of a deliberate strategy to teach my two elementary-school-age children to use [drugs] responsibly."
Would you teach your elementary school age child how to gamble, drink, or smoke responsibly? This isn't like sex ed - this is about introducing a product engineered to be biologically addictive.
7
I have kids the same age (8yo and 9yo boys) and this article horrified me. I don't even know where to begin. At first I thought the author was one of those motherhood-as-art-peice types (see:https://www.nytimes.com/2017/07/07/magazine/the-art-at-the-end-of-the-wo... but I googled the author, read her bio and the vibe I got was Genuinely Nice Person. So open letter to Judi Ketteler. Dear Judy, You seem nice! These years with your kids are so precious. They don't need all that insta-garbage. Because that's what it is. This precious blip of time is all yours to build memories for their lifetime. I have a kid on the spectrum so I get SN parenting. It is HARD. But this is all the more reason why they need YOU. Developmentally, YOU are their "tribe." Make origami, bake bread, collect rocks, take out a tub-o-legos, make a dress-up box, a cardboard hide-out and share time (precious time) with them doing beautiful nothing whatever. Too, too soon they will be pulled into the larger digital world. Then you can have your conversations and make your contract. Sincerely, Some Other Mom. GL to your family.
17
Children aged nine and seven should not be allowed anywhere near social media, or anti-social media as I call it. Give them a love of books; read to them; encourage them to read books, and to enjoy the joys of the written word. They should be taking in the world around them,and not falling victim to this dreadful malady that is Instagram. What next? Facebook, YouTube, Snapchat? With this early start, I can't imagine what they would be like as young adults. If you want to know who your son is, throw open that "little window" and talk to him, and engage with him as a parent.
5
Books require imagination. Digital anything does not. Same with film and video.
Film technology puts teeny tiny spaces in between images and the brain is active during those spaces. Video has no empty space--constant imagery makes the brain react in a less interactive/imaginative way.
Wake up. Your kids are already addicted and you have abdicated as a parent with wishy-washy thinking to get out of dealing with this. Get your kids off screens and out doing real activities with real face-to-face time with friends. Stop buying into the digital culture.
9
Don't capitulate to a corrupt culture. There is no need for your preteen to use Facebook, Instagram, or Youtube. If a child under the age of 13 wants to watch a Youtube show, watch it first and if it's appropriate, watch it with them. Once you allow them direct access to the internet and to social media, you have no control over what they see or do. Don't fool yourself.
11
Sigh. The picture in the article speaks volumes. Here kid, stare at this so I can relax.
5
I think the fact that I did not have a FaceBook or other social media account helped influence my girls' decision not to be interested in these until they were well into high school. We read books, made crafts, went to museums and watched classic movies instead.
1
I work as a social media manager and a good part of my job involves discussing with my clients appropriate use: what to post and when, who to follow and who not to follow. Based on everything this writer says, it sounds like she's taken on the job of social media consultant/coach to her son...and will soon play YouTube producer/editor for her daughter.
And though they are your children, not mine, do not be surprised that they wander, and wander subversively. And interestingly, the several founding internet parents have their own reasons for not making it available late years after your began. Enjoy what you might discover, I suppose reflecting how clever they are.
I plan to take my my kids on a tour of the city's underground sewerage system when they turn 9. With the stench still fresh in out nostrils, we will then have a close-up look at the wonderful world of social media. The only difference being that only one is an open sewer.
1
I don’t use social media. I have no need for it. It’s not a necessary thing to have in order to have a rich and fulfilling life. So I don’t need to introduce it to my child. Instead I read to my child, and my child reads. Why is social media treated as something so important?
5
"He put up a video of himself doing a front flip wearing only his boxer shorts, followed back every single user who followed him, and went “live” in a friend’s basement without the parents knowing." What is terrifying in this sentence? Despite Judi's efforts to monitor her very young son's exposure, tech experts tell us that the technology is exponentially expanding. A little boy in boxer shorts? Perfect prey for a sexual predator.
Judi, take your kids to the library. Buy them books. And, remember that social media input jacks up dopamine in the brain - just as cocaine and slot machines do.
6
I'm not sure the author was looking for OUR feedback... More like her kids' feedback.
However, it was a successful attempt to capitalize on a controversial issue...and win points with her son.
1
If you've actually read the authors used as evidence for this piece, you might be thinking of the importance of this quote:
"Not to use statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts, for support rather than for illumination"
1
The author is “proud” that her son is finding a “place in the wider world”. Yet that seems to be purely her perception, since she doesn’t comment on what her son says he gains from interactions with kids whose language he doesn’t understand.
There’s nothing wrong with letting him post his somersaults or whatever, but it would be great if there was more learning around his interactions with kids in other countries.
I know a wise priest who said, "a virtual world is no-place, no place for a human to inhabit."
Your kid has ADHD? Wow, that’s a surprise! Did you ever consider that giving both your kids a device to constantly entertain them from a very young age might have had anything to do with that?
4
Won’t have it in my house. No Facebook. No Instagram.
2
I think Ms. Ketteler's approach to parenting a 9 year-old in the age of social media is equivalent to the old school "throw your kid into the deep end and let him sink or swim" method of parenting. "Have conversations about social media"? With a 9 year old raised on tech? I am willing to bet that his brain is already wired differently from hers. And unlike him, she is an adult whose brain is already fully developed...Her conception of "the conversation" with him is likely all in her grown-up head. What she says and what he hears are miles of insight, age, experience, impulse control and self-awareness away. Here be dragons.
3
If you want to know if you should let your young children use social media--or really much technology at all--take a hint from the Silicon Valley: many don't allow their own children any use of the technological crack for kids that they create.
2
Tear up that contract. Take away any and all digital devices and sell them. With the proceeds, buy him a baseball, bat and two gloves, as well as a basketball, soccer ball and football. Go to the park with him and help him learn to use these things. Hopefully he’ll join a league. He’ll be happier, saner, and healthier and you’ve fulfilled your role as a parent. The worst parenting is giving young kids digital devices, no matter how “responsible” you try to make it. They do irreparable harm to their social and physical development.
3
Wow. No. You have to stop now. Kids should have zero screen time until they are in late middle school years. The trend is now away from early adoption. Find out about the “wait until eight” campaign. And, gosh, read about all of the revealing studies on the danger and destruction of social media—in this newspaper!
2
I wonder how many uncontrolled accounts your kids have.
I'm sorry what? He's 9? He's not a tween, he's a child. The lack of insight here is staggering.
5
What makes you think those other “kids” he is befriending all over the world are actually kids? After all, you lied about your son’s age when you set up his account.
8
I don't think even educated parents understand still, that once it is online it is oneline forever. And as creepy as it sounds, images and vidoes are scraped and stored and traded and manipulated by a whole subset of disgusting packrats. Once you make the decision to put your kids faces and videos online, consider it stole
2
Are you kidding me. He's nine and seven, you must be joking?
How about no social media until a child is old enough to understand the risks and consequences. Grow a backbone and do your job as parent. It's easy and satisfying if you're not a wuss. No, Maybe when you are older. Dad and I don't think that is appropriate for someone your age. Nyet, Nein, No and finally no with a side of no.
4
NIne years old? Whoa.
A 7 and 9 year old? They shouldn't be anywhere near social media. Take those idiot gadgets away and teach them how to interact as real people with real people. They will thank you later.
2
The fact that this is as an advice column on "wellness" is insane. This is not the styles section.
This is bad advice, advocating potentially harmful behavior and habits for children. This writer can do what she wants as a parent, but has no business advising us on how to parent "well." With the the weight and wisdom and responsibility of the NYT imprimatur? And what about the editors? Really thought this good advice? Or just controversial clickbait?
4
The author’s uncertainty, as reflected in the last line of the article says it all: “though I admit, I still haven’t figured out what to tell the 7 year-old about the You Tube channel”.
How bout: “NO”?
3
Here is what you tell your 7 -year-old about her own You Tube channel. "No."
1
She blocked and reported to instagram the sexually inappropriate stuff on her 9-year old kid's account. Hmmm. Maybe there's a reason Instagram's minimum age is 13. What is wrong with parents these days? Spineless pushovers!
3
Even Instagram requires a user to be 13 to have an account! Why on earth would you let your 9 year old have an one, let alone an open one where you haven't even controlled the followers much less observed the content he has posted? Grow up and be a parent here please! Maybe he can meet some real live other kids who like to do flips by taking him to something so hard to find as a gymnastic class?
3
I will try to tell this in a unbiased and diplomatic way:
Sorry pal. You blew this one. Badly. You are making a terrible disservice to your kids.
You are not educating them. Actually you are encouraging them to become mini social media junkies.
It is like teaching a kid the risks of fast food by feeding him a non-stop hyper diet of happy meals…
3
More like feeding a kid sawdust, or cardboard.
2
your children are not tweens. they are children.
4
Parents are so impressed with their digital native kids. Ha. I work at a college, and yes, these kids know how to use social media. In fact, that's pretty much ALL they know. Don't ask them to use Word or Excel or put together a decent Power Point presentation. Don't ask them to follow a syllabus, read a text book, or, God forbid, write a paper or even express a coherent thought. They don't know any history, they're unwilling to follow even simple instructions, they are clueless about science, and don't even get me started on math. In trying to evaluate their grade, they will ask me, what is a 15 out of 20? This is the dumbest generation.
5
Resistance is futile.
No. Resistance isn’t, but prudence might be.
If you want a child to develop normally the least promising hot house would be forums on Facebook or Instagram.
2
So parents now encourage their kids to join social media platforms (even if they themselves 'monitor' them and 'have conversations') so that kids can 'find their people'? This to me sounds like 'I'll let the kid find virtual playmates online because I can't (or won't) spend the time helping him find them in the real world, where they can actually share the space in which they do their flips'. Not a good look.
3
Lol! Please tell us about your progress; I can’t wait to hear your story in ten years.
1
I agree with some of these first comments - this article is insane! I have two daughters, ages 6 and 8. They want YouTube channels. Hell, no! Parents today need to revive the catchphrase we were taught as children (albeit in a different context): Just Say No!
You can teach your kids about social media without putting them in the thick of it. They have the rest of their lives to be trolled or troll others. Let them be children for as long as possible!
2
I restricted my kids' usage until they were high school. No regrets. I also made it clear up until they were 16 that I could review any and all content that was made public (not their private e mails, etc.). My daughter spends a billion minutes each day on her social media stuff, but my son is much more mellow.
12
Here's a suggestion Nancy Reagan would have appreciated: Just Say No.
It is entirely acceptable and even an essential part of your job as a parent to say no to your kids, even repeatedly, when in your considered judgment, aided by experience, something is bad for your kids. And do not for a second doubt that getting kids on screens and social media is bad for their intellectual, social, and physical development, their relationships, and their day to day moods. By resisting the urge for a quick fix, you open up vast opportunities for them. Having kept my kids off social media and screens the vast majority of the time, I have helped them exercise their own natural creativity and as a result they love drawing, writing, making things with their hands, playing with other kids, and reading. Kids don't need to be distracted. They make up their own things to do.
25
I live in Silicon Valley with friends who work in tech. We range in age from 25-50. One thing we all have in common is outside of work, we all limit our "screen" time personally and also for the next generation. My friends insist on meeting in person -- they're sick of "Facebook" friendships -- and their kids are restricted in their use of social media. For the youngest under -10 group, they get no social media access at all. They also don't post pictures of their kids on Facebook, Instagram, etc.; instead, they are shared in person or only a pic here or here via e-mail.
It's always interesting that "outsiders" to tech do these things when the techies themselves are very careful about it.
37
The first set of rules should be to follow the rules of instagram:
"Instagram requires everyone to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (in some jurisdictions, this age limit may be higher)"
https://help.instagram.com/517920941588885
Teaching your child to break those rules, because you say its okay is not okay.
56
Teaching your kids to be responsible with this technology communicates tacit approval. They are too young to be on these platforms. Wait a few years. Parents are supposed to make decisions about what their kids can and cannot do, including with technology. Take control of your household!
27
I wonder if the writer herself is addicted to social media.
Her own relationship to social media is a major influence on her view of how her children should be educated about it.
But, more importantly, I don’t understand what she considers to be critical areas of experience that her children need to have exposure to and how she works to encourage/facilitate them.
8
My children are in the same age bracket. We thoughtfully chose to have a no-screen policy (and a school that agrees). As a result, my children can carry on lengthy discussions with their peers and adults and consciously seek out creative outlets (painting, music, reading real books, imaginary play, board games, etc). There's a reason Bill Gates and Steve Jobs raised their kids in a similar manner.
Too much to write here, but good luck to those whose children have been kidnapped by the matrix.
27
I have 3 kiddos ages 11,10 and 6. None of them are on social media. Why is yours? My husband and I aren’t able to come up with one solid reason for our children to be on it so they’re not.
13
Why are children on social digital media ? Humans have a critical period for 'socialization' and is known to last into the second decade of life. Science is gradually building an empirical picture of the dangers, short-comings, and risks that ensue when the young and evolving brain is exposed to constant bursts of dopamine from exposure to social digital media, specifically. Society has found it beneficial to develop pre and neo-natal education. Let's extend that to pre-teen education for parents or guardians. The mother of the 7 and 9 year olds in the article has the best intentions but is lacking information, and is doing her best ad-hoc attempt at regulating and monitoring a phenomena she and generations prior had no experience administrating, much less understanding.
5
I would argue that most of us adults do not benefit from our social media use, and are, if anything, harmed by it. Let’s face it, nobody wants to read our honest mentions of how down we feel, or how much we like/dislike what somebody else has posted. Facebook and Instagram are like the phony, all-positive Holiday letters of old. The insidious part is that social media can make adults feel inadequate or dishonest. I see only one redeeming quality: it can help a person advance his or her career in particularly image-driven fields like acting.
11
Although, I'm sure this parent has good intentions, I'm not sure that introducing you're child to instagram at age 9 is the way to help them navigate the world of social media, especially for a child with ADHD. There is good research showing the too much screen time can actually exacerbate symptoms of ADHD let along the fast paced world of social media.
If you want your kid to learn about the world and how to navigate it, there are better ways of going about it, starting with reducing your use of screens.
14
My concern with this article is that no mention is made of the fact that children under 13 years old are not allowed to use instagram according to Instagram website. primarily, no doubt, to stop some of these problems. Should we not respect the rules imposed by the provider of the site who presumably has the best interests of the children in mind?
15
“He put up a video of himself doing a front flip wearing only his boxer shorts, followed back every single user who followed him, and went “live” in a friend’s basement without the parents knowing. It was exactly what I wanted...” Sure, and I asked my tween daughter to remove the lasagne from the oven without mitts. Too bad the damage was done and we couldn’t sign that contract.
8
At the risk of piling on here—and as the parent of a 9- and 7-year-old myself—it's not too late to rectify this huge mistake. If your kids enjoy making videos, let them make them and share them with each other/family/friends in person, NEVER by social media. Nothing good can come of your children having a social media presence at that age.
17
An key word missing from this article is privacy. If you feel your child is old enough to post pictures of himself and of his life, then it is your responsibility to make it clear that those images are no longer private, that is, he no longer has control over who sees those images and what is done with them. I'm not sure a 9-year-old can comprehend what that means, and if he can't, he shouldn't be posting images and video of himself online.
13
The premise of this article is that it's inevitable that kids will use (and spend lots of time on) social media and other screen-based activities at fairly young ages regardless of what parents do, so parents need to do what the author is doing, and ease them into it or put "contracts" around it or otherwise manage it.
I don't understand where the premise comes from. You do not have to give your kids access to social media -- or even to digital devices with screens. All this may seem impossible to resist. It is not. The adults who know this stuff best -- the founders of tech companies, the creators of social media platforms -- tend to keep their kids away from it entirely. Zero screen time, or near zero, at ages like 7 and 9. Instead, books. Here's an article discussing this in the Times:
https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/fashion/steve-jobs-apple-was-a-low-te...
Most Americans obviously do expose their kids to huge amounts of screen time at ages like 7 and 9. But most is not all. A very large minority of parents don't. This is a choice, and maybe the author is making the best choice, but I do think it would be better if she acknowledged that it IS a choice.
85
Yes, I have been doing this with my 14 year old daughter to avoid the screen staring listlessness I see all around me today. She chooses a variety of activities (horseback riding, sewing, crafting, cooking) instead of staring at a screen. THese things were created to be addictive and are. I am keeping that option away from my daughter as long as possible. There is no 'value added' to it.
6
A parent can make the decision to ban their children from social media platforms, but that is at best puts off their nearly inevitable engagement with social media. Is it not better to attempt to teach them how to responsible interact with these platforms? Personally, I think children should be allowed to make some decisions for themselves; these children clearly want to use these platforms (and probably will regardless), why should a parent take away their freedom to learn about the digital realm?
1
It is no longer 2014, the date of the article you cite. The world of devices, kids, and the internet have changed significantly since then. I would hope that the NY Times would update this article and see how things have changed for those parents since 2014, which was an age ago.
"Only a few times did I see anything sexually inappropriate." This is a ridiculous article by a naive if well intentioned parent. There's a reason Steve Jobs and other tech leaders limit their children's exposure to technology: https://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/11/fashion/steve-jobs-apple-was-a-low-te.... It's wonderful to see what kids enjoy, learn and accomplish when you limit tech access, and don't use screen time as a babysitter so you can get work done. Spend time with your child and when you're unable, fill their time with activities, projects, play time with friends (sans screens) and have creative games available. Even chores are great to fill time! Help them "find a place in the wider world" by starting right at home: volunteer with them, introduce them to diverse friends, and take them exploring your community. Read articles with them about issues in the world and if you can, take them on trips. Help him "find his people" by finding those he can actually interact with and develop real relationships with. The benefits of this approach are: better social and emotional skills, ability to concentrate, better relationships with parents, siblings and friends, learned patience and perseverance, less exposure to harmful content that they are not ready for, creativity and thoughtfulness, etc. There is plenty of time in their adult lives to choose social media. Let it wait for now (or never, if they choose).
42
I am a parent of a teen and a tween. I sometimes wonder if there's anyone else out there who also refuses to throw in the towel and let their kids completely immerse themselves in Digital Crapland. Your answer is right on the money. I will keep fighting...
2
When is a child Instagram-ready? When he or she is no longer a child. And that's *especially* true if your child has ADHD. "ADHD was shown to be the most significant predictor for the development of Internet addiction ... The prolonged hours of Internet and gaming use may further reinforce and consolidate the child’s proclivity to impulsive, rapid, hyper-focused reactivity. This is also in contrast to the types of activity that might have otherwise filled the same leisure hours such as complex play, sports, music and arts, or organized youth clubs, which would help develop attention, self-control, behavioral inhibition, self-discipline, team skills, and socialization. Even if Internet addiction is not responsible for worsening ADHD symptoms, lack of exposure to these activities might be associated with a decrease in practice opportunities for working memory, patience, attention, and executive functioning." -- from "The screens culture: Impact on ADHD." https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3220824/ It's shocking that Sierra Filucci didn't raise the concerns that a 15-second Google search finds.
42
So you were looking for feedback, right? Now, overwhelmingly people (with some excellent justifications) are telling you this is a big mistake.
What next?
44
What exactly are one going to learn ones children about Social Media use? It’s at best a waste of time, if you’re an adult or a child. I try to teach my son about social media by not being on my phone when he’s around. That’s the lesson I want to teach, be active with your hobbies talk to your friends. Your son likes to do flips? Why is he watching flips, let him do flips not watch them.
I’ll readily admit that I fail this lesson from time to time on my own. Like right now when I’m answering this article because it provoked me. It’s rarely a good idea. But when he’s around I’m not on it, ever.
21
Totally agree with this. In fact, the parents that seem to justify getting their kids involved in social media early seem to have their own technology addictions.
Maybe it’s because I’m not on Facebook or Instagram myself (though I fully confess I have Twitter), but social media simply isn’t that big a part of my life, so why should it be part of my childrens’?
Kids are fast learners. You can introduce them as teens and if you’ve taught them well, they’ll quickly learn to be responsible members of online society. In the meantime - teach them to have in-person conversations with friends. And pray their aren’t videos of them in their underpants floating around.
2
So now there are images out there of your little boy doing a backflip in just his boxers shorts. Good job.
51
Why is this a problem?
Substitute the expression "Instagram-ready" for "hooked-on-dopamine-hits" and see how this advice column reads.
45
Absolutely. Just imagine if all the privileged contemporary parents learned that somebody was slipping cocaine into their kids' school lunches.
So, your 9-year old's spending free time on Instagram alone, and you're spending free time monitoring him.
Would you both have benefited more from turning off your devices and exploring the real world alone or together?
98
Good parenting communication (and maybe contracts) only go so far in my experience--the tech world has to step up and give parents better tools to control how much screen time is used, when, where, etc. Some of the best tools I've discovered so far are "Circle" and "Ourpact"
4
"Just say NO" never works. I applaud Ms. Ketteler for trying to teach her children moderation and responsibility in the use of social media, even at such young ages. Children will use social media, and if they can't do it with you they will do it without you. I believe that children who are taught well before the age of 10 will generally be safer and more responsible after the age of 10. (And it seems that Ms. Ketteler's children already have other activities to keep their lives balanced. And the advantage of a Mom who is keeping her eye on them.)
6
False. "No" is the best answer and any normal kid can learn to live without.
Be a grownup. Instagram is the dope of this millenium. Did your parents let you use dope at age 9? no way, and they crushed you if they found you doing it later, too. it's called dope for a reason
"It makes sense."
Whatever you need to tell yourself, Judi.
22
I read that to mean the 7-year-old wanting a YouTube channel made sense, as in, that's what you would expect from a 7-year-old in this particular cultural moment. I didn't think she was saying that allowing it would make sense.
My son is 5 and a half. I have no idea how we will handle his requests to use social media - once it arrives. But I do know that one day it will arrive. Right now I encourage him to play outside and see his friends at the playground. I hope that will remain his primary way of engaging with his peers. However, I do not have my head in the sand and know that social media will be a big part of how he engages with his peers in the future. I actually liked this opinion piece. I liked how the author is working with her child to find a solution through trial and error. She is seeking teachable moments. I believe this will be more effective then simply forbidden your child to engage in social media. Thank you for being candid.
5
The sole reason for this article is to bait a response. The author acts as if learning what is on social media and how to use it is an essential, important, challenging-to-learn life skill. It isn't. Being a savvy consumer of media (social, news, et cetera) is a critical thinking skill, not a skill learned through exposure. Critical thinking is something you're unlikely to learn on instagram, snapchat or facebook. But it is something you will learn in school - precisely the times when you're not on social media.
Furthermore, what will exist in 10 years when these kids are of age will be materially different from what exists today. So the supposed skills they're learning will be irrelevant in a countable number of months from now.
So, given all of that, my question for the author is: what are the benefits in proportion to the risks (and, also, the enormous waste of time)? I'd say the immediate benefits are to the author herself, in that her kids leave her alone and she's left with a sense of "assuredness" that her kids aren't getting themselves into "trouble."
27
"Being a savvy consumer of media (social, news, et cetera) is a critical thinking skill, not a skill learned through exposure." Well said!
Why can't social media companies do the right thing and not advertise to kids? Snapchat and Instagram are littered with ads for junk food and alcohol and posts encouraging kids to click on pictures of half-dressed celebrities (the Kardashians) and "viral" Youtube accounts with questionable content. Kids can't even open their accounts without being invited to R-rated content by the social media companies themselves.
7
A note to the author - some predatory accounts are surprisingly cunning. I allowed my child to follow one "cute animals" account and I watched it myself. After almost a year, the first link to an X-rated site appeared in their post, innocuously buried in their comment to "click on this link to see pet toys!" Also, even 13-year-old girls have trouble understanding what is appropriate. One of my daughter's friends posts pictures of her legs as she takes a bath with the comment, "relaxing with a bath bomb!" When I pointed out to the girls that the picture was inappropriate, they all responded with, "It's just her legs. What's the problem?" Tweens and teens don't have the same -perhaps jaded - understanding of how the world works. Trying to explain to them the difference between legs on the beach playing volleyball and legs enjoying a relaxing bath is a confusing and depressing conversation to them that they don't have much patience for, though we try. The teen mind is challenging.
14
This is very well-intentioned, but the writer will very quickly find that monitoring usage will become impossible, especially once both kids are online, both because the scope of engagement of her kids' activity will become unmanageable, and because they will begin to create secret accounts she will be unaware of. Still, it's good to set ground rules when they are young, and contrary to what some of said here, the younger the better. Because your kids will go online whether you forbid them to or not. Better to introduce social media to your kids yourselves than have them wade into those stormy seas not having had swimming lessons.
3
The techies of Silicon Valley allow their children less access to social media than any other white collar demographic. That tells you all you need to know.
31
Delusional, “New-Age” nonsense. Let the kids have access to so-called social media when they leave the nest and go out on their own. “Social media” have no redeeming social value.
19
I was going to send a list of commonsense rules that we've developed, but 7 and 9 year-old children are really much too young to use Instagram. And you need to help your nine-year-old find 'his people' in the real world, not online, or he's in for a world of social dysfunction later.
27
Good parents restrict their kids from many things. Social media should be included among the things proscribed because it does not contribute to a child's well-being. Indeed, the research i have seen says that it can cause harm and does no practical good.
13
If even the raptors who develop and maintain social media sites don't allow your children under 13 to use those sites, then why on earth would you?
19
Writer JUDI KETTELER relies on a digital high to keep your son occupied. To avoid liability or responsibility: "I typed up [a contract regarding computer use], and we both signed it." Signing a contract with a 9-year-old? How absurd for her to put any significance on it - and it's clear she does.
15
The commenters on here berating the author and saying kids should just spend more time outdoors are completely clueless about the world these children live in and must not have kids this age. For their information, Instagram and Snapchat provide direct messaging for children to be able to reach each other, and this is how they make their social plans now and talk about boys, homework, sports, music etc. Just like us on an old fashioned phone when we were kids. The question is not that they shouldn't be on their phones, it's that these apps provide no settings for parents to turn them on and off after a certain period of time, and no way for parents to mirror the account from another device to see what their child is seeing. It's a simple technology fix, not a question of cutting children off of the communication platforms of this day and age.
5
This is definitely true of some middle schoolers and high schoolers. Not any 9 year olds I know, and I know a lot of them.
2
As a high school teacher, I know exactly what world they live in. What's your qualifications?
they might hone their social skills even more if they had to (egad) pick up the (landline) phone and make an actual phone call, or (O M G) get on their bike and go to a friends place.
For God's sake, take all that electronic heroin away from your kid. Take them camping, fishing, hiking, enjoy the outdoors alone with your child.
Writing up a contract with a nine year old? Why not let them play outside and not worry about adult things like contracts. What is wrong with parents today?
37
Could it be that teaching your grade-school-age children to use social media and the internet "responsibly" is an attempt to rationalize away your own addiction?
12
Drive your kids to lacrosse practice! Or, just find another way to be a better parent than drawing a up a social media usage agreement.
7
The FIRST item on your list should be "check social media rules." Your son is too young to have accounts on most social media platforms. Checking these guidelines with your child, and telling them that they need to wait before they can join, is an excellent and important lesson (think about driving, drinking, etc).
14
Like most things with kids, they are ready when parents are able to explain what’s right and wrong in acceptable behavior, with the kid understanding
Parenting 101
Instagram is a neurotoxin for people with ADHD, especially children.
21
This reads like a bad joke, but I'm not sure it is a joke.
3
Nine years old? For a parent to allow their child access to Instagram at that age is completely ridiculous. The author glosses over the possibility her child encountered pornography ("Only a few times did I see anything sexually inappropriate, which I promptly blocked and reported to Instagram.") as if she was doing a good deed. The author needlessly exposes their own child to social media because they are too lazy to help the child develop the skills needed to make friends in real life. The cloud is not a substitute for friends or good parenting.
50
Boy--judge much?
You don't know all the facts and yet you make very bold pronouncements ("glosses over..." "too lazy to help the child" "not a substitute for friends or good parenting").
Wake up. It's 2018. Social media is here to stay. Parents who are close-minded, who don't engage with their children around their digital lives, and who don't teach them to use it responsibly--from an early age--will almost certainly be parents whose kids sneak around behind their backs.
Everyone parents the way they choose, but I do feel sorry for your kids if you have any.
2
The latter part of your post is inappropriate and assumes too much, I feel, but I agree with the first part. I am floored that a parent would use her too-young, sweetly innocent child in this way. It’s really kind of sick. Do we need more proof that people have lost their bearings when it comes to social media?
6
"In his first weekend on Instagram, my 9-year-old posted 20 times in 24 hours."
I'm sorry, but RIGHT THERE, is the issue. And this writer has to ask "When is a child instagram-ready?" And then this:
"...but my 7-year-old daughter is already angling for her YouTube channel. It makes sense."
What kind of a mother is this? Obviously she has no idea - clueless, even - as to what it means about parenting. Just because a technology is there does not mean a parent has to expose every single dang one to a child. But I can already see it, that the writer is hoping her children would work on their startup when they reach 12 or something.
In one word: Ridiculous.
84
But she got an article out of it. Isn’t that the point? It’s far more than clueless. It’s exploitation.
8
No kidding. My 6 year old is unaware that YouTube even exists.
This generation will have their lives just as we did, however impoverished they may seem through the prism of my own experience. I like to be outdoors, experiencing nature, moving my body, drinking in the silence, slowness and beauty of the cosmos, or as the Buddhists like to say "eating the air." They will be wired in constantly sucking in electronic meth. I am quite content that I will not be around to view the results of this evolutionary experiment.
12
When I was a young woman, I spent a lot of my time focused on the arts—in my case it was ballet, music of all sorts, and cinema. So while I spent my childhood outdoors ("get out and stay out until I call you for dinner!"), I spent most of my life (15-50) indoors and often unlit. At 50 I found my way to birds, and in the past 12 years I have spent more time outside than in the 35 years that preceded it. I say this only because no one really knows what lays before them and how what's important to them at one stage of their life will shift with increased exposure and experience of the world around them. It may be that "they will be wired constantly and sucking in electronic meth" but they may also at some point take a great interest in science because of something they saw on YouTube and end up making their own profound impact on the world. We—none of us—can know the future, so to make condescending statements about electronic meth is to condemn heedlessly.
Social media to an ADDer?! Why would you want to shame yourself in the NYT-universe? You wrote in your bio "What does a person do if they are bad at teaching, bad at working for someone else, bad at managing people, and bad at creating systems..." Add another failure.
18
I like reading half joke half tease article like this. The author is smart enough to have granted a spot to right this article on NYT! Again she is asking readers the age appropriate for children to be on social media ? Readers , don’t you know that she’s read all pros and cons studies out there about this subject ? Then she deliberately signed in her very small children anyway ? Next article : starving children in Venezuela. Sight.
4
Internet inspiring a new, gargantuan spectrum of exhibitionism. NYT is joining the enablers to make a little more dough. Author aspires for exhibition, and here, offers child porn (of a sort) to get herself a bit of exposure.
Watch your spelling, Mazava.
Why?
14
There's a wonderful sequence in an episode of the Simpsons, where the kids all turn off their televisions and go outside to play in nature in all her glory, set to Beethoven's Pastoral. I realize the irony of conveying such a message via a television show, but I can't help but think of it every time I see a child looking at a screen or a cell phone.
11
you're teaching your son how to lose right of publicity. as noted, all these images can be used by a 3rd party now. terrible parenting.
15
If you think you need a written contract with your 9 year-old you have serious parenting issues. Be an adult and say no.
25
No one, of any age, needs "social media". No one.
Send him out to play if the weather is good; otherwise, bring back some books from the library.
32
So glad my kid's attended Waldorf schools where this was largely absent. Now 19 and 23, they both use social media and are adept at getting around. But their childhood years were playing outdoors in a 3 dimensional, tactile world, creating real art and making music with their classmates. Do we start teaching our kids to drive at 9 or 10 just because they're going to as young adults?
19
Based on their ages, their childhood years were before the utter ubiquitousness of cellphones among teens. I have a 24 year-old son. His digital media experience as a teen was utterly different than his 16 and 14 year-old brothers.
What to tell the 7 year old who wants a YouTube channel? No.
41
When you have 'conversations' with your son or daughter, make sure to teach them to deal with child predators who track and hunt children. Your children.
15
What is with this "contract" with your children? You are the parent, you make the rules, and the children are expected and required to follow them. Social media, one of the most anti-social constructs of the "connected age"? Bull. And if you want your children to act responsibly, then give them responsibilities at home which they must fulfill. Take them on media free vacations -- this means you too. Then, when they are say 14 or 15 let them have a simple phone. Oh yes, and by the way, disconnect yourself from your iPbone addiction first in your daily life,
11
One parent's "teaching their kid to use social media (and devices) responsibly" is Instagram's gain.
The absurdity of the implicit assumption in this article title - that Instagram is necessary to the child - is self-evident. Perhaps the title of the next article in the series should be "When Is a Child Ready for their First Assault Rifle."
On a side note, I negotiate contracts for a living. Written contracts are legal constructions that serve a functional purpose to enable entities without social trust or relationships to engage in arm's-length business transactions. Using them in familiar relationships tends to pigeonhole the concept into just this - a transaction - while sloughing off the lifetime of trust two _people_ - like parent and child - have built up between them. Don't teach a child to forgo empathetic connections and communications between them and other human beings for a signed piece of paper.
Rules you set and enforce as a parent are fundamentally about trust you're placing in your child and belief that they're paying attention to what you're teaching them. Telling them to follow a contract is effectively allowing them room to _ignore_ that trust.
Resorting to a contract as a parenting technique is kind of like...well, outsourcing a child's education to an ipad. Or teaching them that being good equates to simply following the letter of the law.
13
The computer is a tool, not a lifestyle. There were people who thought the printing press was an instrument of the devil and heralded the end of the world. We all need to adapt but we also need to protect our kids (and ourselves) from the nasty bits until they have the skills to understand and respond appropriately. You wouldn't throw your kid into the deep end of a pool unless you knew that child could swim. The internet is a very big, very deep pool. Just cause your kids can find their way around on a device doesn't mean they can do it safely. I hope things work out OK with you and your kids, but I sure wouldn't do that with my kid.
10
Middle school teacher and parent here. I applaud you for wanting to be the guide to social media for your child, but I suggest you wait. Encourage your child to focus on genuine achievements and friends in the face-to-face world. Social media is a time suck that detracts from intellectual, physical, and authentic social pursuits. I see students who act as if they are addicted to their phones and must always know what other people think of them. I worry for them.
My son has ADHD too. His psychologist and psychiatrist both recommended keeping him away from the crack-like video games and social media. Socialization is hard for them, so they have to learn it early and out there on the streets. The games actually shorten their attention span for everything else but the games.
I believe this parent wants the best for her child, but narcissistic social media at 7 and 9 isn't it.
22
Step 1: Conspire with child to violate terms of an agreement with Instagram
Step 2: Convince child to commit to terms of an agreement about using Instagram
Got it.
15
I have a 9 year old boy too. Thankfully he enjoys spending most of his time running around outside with friends, or shooting hoops in the driveway. He has a Kindle and like to play games on that sometimes, and he certainly watches his fair share of TV. (So we're not anti-technology.) But I don't think he even knows what Instagram is. I can't imagine a scenario in which a 9 year old should be on Instagram.
20
Absolutely ridiculous. Kids need to be putting pen, pencil or crayon to paper. They need to be outdoors. They need to be reading medium- and long-form material (like books) and developing the patience to handle such material.
Would you let a 9-year-old spend hours on the telephone? If not, then why would you let them spend hours on Instagram or other social media sites, which are no places for children. (Most of them are no places for adults either.)
I've worked in technology my entire life. My daughter develops websites and my son-in-law does electronic design and supports computer infrastructure. Yet we don't let my grandchildren spend their time on devices. My granddaughter (now 14) was given an MP3 player at a young age, but all it did was play music. They took TV out of the house, but set up the computers so SELECTED programs could be watched. No surfing. Because she didn't waste her life on social media, she has become a musician who has written 35 songs, is a brilliant writer and artist and is taking college courses at 14. She can't stand it when she gets together with friends and all they want to do is send each other messages even though they're together. The 9-year-old boy loves his Legos where he builds incredibly complex models of his own design, loves the outdoors, is great at math, is also a pretty good artist and by listening to "History of the World" audiotapes at a young age, knows more history than most college Freshman.
14
We are now in the 'no-turning-back' zone. Social media is rapidly de-humanizing us all - not just kids. I guess I was lucky to have two sons born of that last generation (mid to late 80's) who were free of the oncoming wave of internet connectivity. They actually played outside - rode their bikes, little league baseball, mountain hikes, etc. In my neighborhood, it's a rare site to see a child outside of their homes. We can't stop technology. As parents, the best we can do is (at least) attempt to guide our kids in the right direction.
5
Oh my. So very predictable and so obviously directed toward upper-middle to affluent/comfortable women who read articles of this nature. Meanwhile many American mothers have neither the time, money nor inclination to do therapeutic approaches to social media. They're too busy trying to balance a budget and keep life together for their kids.
I said predictable because I knew I would find the writer advocating "my child's partner/friend" and not "I'm the parent and I love you and here are the rules, because I am the parent". Allowing your son to post underwear pictures on the net is beyond risky. Is this about your kid's well-being or your need to show the urban yoga class, feminist, progressive, educated circle you likely travel in that you are not "hung up" by traditional values? That said, you seem like a wonderfully loving parent trying to do the best for your child even if others (like me)question the approach.
What utility does Instagram have for young children anyway? Shouldn't they be learning to get off the net, off the floor or couch and into real-life interaction with siblings, friends, classmates, etc.?
8
The mothers who have no time, money, or inclination for therapeutic approaches should just say NO when their kids ask for electronic devices/ gadgets that don't serve a purpose and might even be harmful.
When I was a child, my mom would not buy us any video game consoles or games but she did buy us a Commodore 64 and encourage us to learn to program in BASIC. (We were poor while Mom studied computer science.) Parents need to learn how to say NO and parent rather than just being "friends."
1
#1 should be "Just say no!"
I have been a pediatrician for over 35 years and I have seen how we are raising a group of children who have no real interpersonal skills, and are riddled with anxiety. All of us in this profession have seen a huge increase in the diagnosis of serious mental illness in children.
Turn off these screens, buy some balls, blocks, legos, books, and crayons; put some music on in the background and allow your children to play. They do not need to be part of a global community at age 7 and 9 before they can even take care of themselves.
A contract? How many of us as readers actually did what our parents told us to do. Maybe a contract will work for a 7 year old, but by age 11 or 12 they are almost useless.
"Only a few times did I see anything sexually inappropriate", and that means it's okay?!?! Did you not listen to the stories of young gymnasts? Once or twice is okay?
Parents, please use common sense. There is a time and place for every new invention our children will run into, but social media use and young elementary school children are simply not compatitable.
31
These tips will get you so far - maybe until middle school. At that point, it is almost hopeless to track kids' social media use, and parents will have to rely upon having raised their child to care about their homework, sports, reading, and hobbies so that they have other interests to balance out phone use. I spent a good year monitoring my 6th grade daughter's Instagram, so frustrated that it featured daily ads for alcoholic drinks that we could not opt out of, infuriated at leaders like Sheryl Sandberg who talk about kids' resilience and then feed them these dangerous social media programs without any parental control options. After about a year of "open conversations" with my daughter about what she was seeing on her Instagram - she got wise and switched to Snapchat, which there is no way for me to monitor. Snapchat doesn't even let you be logged into your child's account on your own phone the way you can with Instagram. And now that most social invitations come to my daughter through her Snapchat, there's no way to cut it off - it would mean she'd miss out on chats about homework and sleepovers, too. The social media companies are absolutely predatory in their tactics - they know what they're doing and they've got our kids.
7
Mom asking for my own learning: are you saying she has access to devices outside of the home which you have no control over that she's using to log into Snapchat?
1
Well yes, the kids have access to devices everywhere. On Snapchat, a popular game is creating streaks, where you post every day to create a running streak with friends. They are so serious about maintaining their "streaks" that they give their friends their passwords to log into their account so they can maintain them while they don't have access to their devices, such as at sleep away camp (or if they are grounded from the device). The issue for me is why Snapchat doesn't allow a simple parental control, such as me putting a 30 minute daily time limit on a child's account, so that parents don't have to monitor how much time kids are spending on it on the school bus, at school, at sports events, at friends' houses, at the park, etc. With peer influence, they are on it all the time. I just want to give my child some access, not unlimited access, and there is no way to do that. If they have their phone with them for any reason, they can be on the social media accounts.
Social media are another step in our evolution. They exercise previously unused parts of our brains. Your children's children's children will be nearly incomprehensible to us.
1
I don't know they they exercise unused parts of our brains, but they certainly program people to seek instant gratification and as a result limit our patience and therefore our ability to handle long and complex material.
Our children's children children will either realize that we've wasted a generation on social media, either trolling, wasting time over trivia (here's what I ate today) or communicating with our bubble to reinforce our opinions or they'll continue the practice and be socially disengaged, be unable to communicate in person and have terrible posture because they're always looking down.
But I'm hopeful that those kids will actually be more like the high school kids in Florida who are on a mission to force their corrupt politicians to do something about the guns. Those kids are spectacular!
6
Social media is another step in our exploitation.
Spend full time monitoring your child. What a formula.
5
OMG. If your friends' kids jumped off a bridge, would you let yours do so, but wearing a life jacket? I have two kids, 20 and 24 and they were not allowed on social media until high school. Yes, they are nerds, thank you. One works at Google after getting double degrees at MIT and the other is laser focused on his career as a sophomore at Drexel. He does now post his work on social media, but not his food, his drinking or his sex life.
22
That you know of.
4
Just because everybody else does something, that doesn't mean your kid should do that too.
Did you explain to your kid that everything he posts to Instagram becomes the property of Facebook? Did you explain to him how Facegram will use these posts to track him for the rest of his life?
To deliberately teach children to use these harmful, exploitative services seems insane to me. I would think that any thinking parent would want to teach their kids why they shouldn't be using these services in the first place.
35
I'm totally with you. Just because some technology is there does not mean a parent has to expose the child to it.
I work in the tech and IT field. When my kids came of age (probably when they're about 10-11), before they even started anything, the first rule I told them: Don't put any personal details on the web, not your name, not your pics, not where you live, not your personal details, not even your friends. Rule #2: Don't believe in everything you see/read. I have to keep reinforcing those rules to them by sharing and discussing news stories with them.
But one thing that is irresistible to kids and adults alike, is the addictiveness of the web. This writer is totally naive when she thinks "I can get a 7yo to an agreement" akin to User Agreements on terms of usage. I'm sorry, hon, that doesn't work, particularly not kids that young. That's what parenting comes into play, you have to say "No" at times, remember?
I can already see it, that the writer would spend a good portion of the day to monitor the usage. Talking about helicopter parenting.
11
Here is how I imagine my dad would have 'negotiated' with me if at 9 years old I wanted a social media account:
"No. Now take out the garbage."
Try it out!
66
Seriously? Making a contract with your 9-year old child as if he was an adult in a business transaction? How about acting like a parent, not a lawyer or pal, setting rules, (fairly, but yes, rules) for life and behavior? This is absurd.
27
I’m a lifelong NYT reader, and this might be the most appalling advice column I have ever read.
As a parent of three children around the same age as the writer’s, let me offer some counter advice. Throw away the iPads and read some books. Better yet, go outside and play. Let kids be kids. Social media will be waiting for them 10 years from now and even then they won’t really need it.
You know what’s better than going ‘live’ on instagram in the basement? Catching bugs, building things out of cardboard boxes, playing basketball, throwing a frisbee, running around, playing tag, making messes, and actually living.
It’s the parents who give their 9 year olds Instagram accounts that make it so hard for the rest of us that still value childhood.
124
Why would the parents of kids with Instagram accounts make it hard for you? It seems like it shouldn't have any effect on you or your kids.
Because all of us teachers have to deal with the fallout of poor parenting.
6
I agree with this. NYT, I’m not sure if you allowed this article as an editorial, but even so, publishing it and in implicitly giving license to parents who allow children to use social media amounts to editorial malpractice.
Up next, I expect to read an article by another woefully misguided parent about why it’s “totally okay” (“because just say no never works!” and “they’re going to find out anyway!”) to allow your 11, 12 and 13 year old sons and daughters to have Hinge and Bumble accounts to learn about dating and sex in the age of technology.
I think never. Social media is a scourge-stay away from it.
11
Why should your child honor your agreement when you had him breach the Twitter agreement? The lesson you taught him? Rules were meant to be broken.
19
This is like giving your kid alcohol to teach him how to drink responsibly. You have handed your kid the key to vast problems. Why does he have this much free time?
27
Because kids have a lot of free time? Are you advocating for his to have a job at 9?
Social media companies have human-brain-hackers working for them full time. Kids don't stand a chance. Also, Instagram has tons of alcohol advertising.
14
Hm, interesting. I've had an Instagram account for nearly 6 years and have yet to see an "alcohol advertisement".
1
Ms. Ketteler needn't worry that her kids will become addicted to social media. They already are.
41
A nine year old is not mature enough to be allowed on social media. This is about the parent's ego with no regard for the safety of the child. Get your own life!
17
Maybe your children will become digital addicts, or maybe they'll grow bored with social media and find other, better ways to spend their time. Clearly, from the proliferation of articles and comments to articles like this one, more and more people are picking up their heads and setting aside these pointless, soul-crushing devices.
5
Maybe her children will become digital products.
Hey, look at the up side! The more time that your children spend on social media, the less time that you'll have to spend being an involved parent.
35
Totally unacceptable to allow such a young child on Instagram or any social media!
16
"Only a few times did I see anything sexually inappropriate." Oh, so not a problem, then.
41
Your children will turn to social media to fill empty time. This empty time is the magic time for a child. Let them fill it with free play.
22
Your crazy. Encouraging him? I notice in the picture what appears to be a phone in your hand while your over your sons shoulder. Are you just making it easier to parent by letting him occupy his time. Shut those things off and bake a cake with him instead of texting your friends while he navigates himself into mediocrity.
I have two girls 13 and 11. No phones yet and they don't want them. Life with the wee ones is brief. Too much screen time, too serious about sports too early, and too much homework. These trends are eating into my moments with my little ones. In a couple years they won't want anything to do with me. I'll make them tolerate me because they need me. They may not realize it because they are trying to figure things out.
10
Ummm...that's actually a stock photo. Says so right next to it. It's not a photo of the author or her child.
2
DA, that is clearly a stock photo. Notice the caption under that credits "iStock". Don't let a stock photo mar your judgment of this poor woman.
Or, get a phone that has prepaid for only voicecalls and text. No data plan. Phones for kids that young are meant to be lifeline only. Kids should have far more playtime options than gluing to a screen.
2
Why would you let your 7 and 9 year old interact on social media? Is it a measure of how "smart" they are? You are doing harm to their still forming minds and spirits.
12
This is the passive-aggressive way for this NYT writer to tell the world how smart SHE IS, by proxy of the ease her kids navigate the digital realm (presumably where all the wealth and high-paying jobs are these days).
2
this is cute. to reference the family friendly movie, Jurassic Park:
"Life, uhhh...finds a way."
Filucci says that they have a study that shows that kids who use social media do feel more connected to friends. But...are they really? My experience is that this "feeling" of connection is completely superficial, and pales in comparison to being truly connected.
The author doesn't say whether she has or has not gotten her kid involved in gymnastics or tumbling or trampoline classes or clubs somewhere. That kind of involvement, while a whole lot more work for the parent, is also orders of magnitude more valuable in terms of building REAL connections and friendships.
13
^^ did you say gymnastics? ^^
No 7 year old should be a "digital native." It's neither a biological nor a social imperative. That's a parenting choice.
45
Yes! Thank you.
The kid's impulse to post 20 times in 24 hours should tell you something. It's not time for this. Kids should talk to other living, breathing kids. Period. I've got kids the same age, and curiously, they don't pine for an Instagram account--they don't even know what it is.
41
This NYT writer/parent is prepping her kids to becoming vulnerable to cyberbully (or becoming one) by hanging onto every single post they see on the web. Poor parenting, that's what she is, really.
3
I don't share many readers' concerns about screens and social media for children, and agree that the youngest among us are growing up in a different age. I would let my 9-year-old have an Instagram account. But I would limit his followers to friends of the family and children he actually knows in real life, and who he follows to those same children, plus people proven to have expertise in his area of interest. I would wait a while before letting the global community thing kick in, just for safety's sake.
How about reading, playing board games, riding bikes, skating, walking the family dog or taking care of another pet, playing basketball, playing baseball, playing soccer, playing with action figures, playing cards, making crafts, hanging around a playground (note the repetition of playing), exploring, camps, learning cooking skills, learning household skills, writing and drawing, learning to fish, martial arts, learning a musical instrument and practicing,...gosh, have I listed enough activities a child can do so that they don't waste their time on nonsense like instagram? Yes, some of these require parental supervision and organization but I guarantee that ALL are better than one minute spent on social media. And I am a parent as well as a high school teacher.
46
I would say: Get your kid outdoors!
We have too many kids with no connection to the Great Outdoors.
Mother Nature is a fantastic teacher and the kid learns to find refuge and interest outside family dynamics and social media.
12
Rather than monitoring his Instagram account, delete it, get him a library card and help him choose books to read. Then talk to him about those books. I'm betting he will soon be clamoring for more library trips.
23
As a parent of a 7 year old, I make a strong effort to re consider my own "non essential" (non-work) browsing habits. Children parrot their parents. They keenly observe how we dress, how we keep our own rooms and our eating habits, coalescing their own behavior around ours. The window onto the enchanting world of childhood closes quickly and profit driven corporate interests would like their tentacles to caress our kids. We need to prepare our kids for the next level when non-"native" skills will be in high demand.
10
No. Just no. Too young! Let kids be kids. My grandkids came to live with me and they were addicted to the internet and Netflix, facebook, and You Tube and it deeply affected them. The youngest was only 4. They were zombies, wide eyed staring at a screen. Once I took that away, they came to life, gravitated to books, people, the outdoors. Keep them away from the digital world as long as you can. They will benefit from it.
37
The grown-ups in our house learned our lesson in 2016: We gave up on social media following a year of posting fact-checks, unbelievable yet true videos of a candidate standing at a podium and actually mocking a disabled person, getting into equally unbelievable arguments with friends and relatives, and so forth.
Not worth it.
That's the message to our elementary school child, too: Don't waste your time. OK the video the cats or make movies of your doll, but keep it private between us, in this house. Don't yourself by trying to keep up with your early-adopter friends. Instead, enjoy your real life. (And so far, that's what she's doing.)
12
I know that some kids are ready for social media before others, but 9 seems frankly much too young. I teach middle school and I understand the allure these spaces have for kids, but overall, I think the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. My biggest problem, other than the actual instances of cruelty, are that the sites overemphasize the importance of obtaining other people's approval.
Some parents feel that denying their kids access to these sites will isolate them socially, but I know plenty of kids who aren't on social media and they are doing just fine.
17
The allure of social media is engineered. Like the allure of cigarettes.
In the end I'll have no choice but to let my children make their own choices, but neither will thrust social media on them like it's some rite of passage, or a job skill, or necessity for a healthy social life.
I'm going to teach them how the personal detriments of "sharing" far exceed the benefits.
You know, like having a picture of you in your underwear becoming a permanent fixture of the internet.
24
This is not acceptable: social media are Skinner boxes--they use human nature to train and addict users to engage their platforms in ways that tend to be negative for those users. Children are not able to "learn responsibility" at such a young age without substantial risk. These ideas are ill understood and should be at the forefront of any discussion about social media.
Social media is not for you, nor is it free. It is a money-making tool for its owners and advertisers. And it is rife with child predators to boot. I will not allow my sons to use social media until they are teens, and with substantial restrictions at that--we are in the wild-west of the internet, and these tech companies are not operating with philanthropy in mind--they exist to exploit you and your kids for profit; we are nothing but data points to them.
70
First off, a 9 year old is not a "tween". Second, maybe I'm patting myself on the back (and/or serving myself up for criticism), but my 8.5 year old doesn't know the term "social media", and with all the writing on the subject out there now, it is pretty clear to me that social media is by and large toxic. Most experts I've read advise trying to delay exposure to social media (and phones, etc.) as long as possible. That's my goal.
107
According to Debord, author of the Society of the Spectacle, "All that once was directly lived has become mere representation" and that the history of social life can be understood as "the decline of being into having, and having into merely appearing."
Letting kids go on Instagram at the age of 9 really drives the point home, this article made my stomach turn.
66
This feels wrong in so many ways. The age of the user vs. the site's policy. Asking a 9 y.o to sign a contract. Expecting the 9 y.o to know "what bots are" (even Twitter has a problem identifying them!). And the quote "that kids who use social media do feel more connected to friends, whether it’s friends online or ones they see every day at school" is just frightening.
120
The problem is that for every parent who takes great care to introduce their child to social media in a responsible manner, as I think the author has, there will be 10 who are too busy looking at their own phones to teach their kids how to do it right. Of course, every generation also thinks that their upbringing was somehow better and that the next generation suffers from social decline. Some of that might be real, some is imagined and overblown.
3
Bottom line: If you give your kids access to something they want, they will use it.
Social media for little kids is the new babysitter.
Just admit it.
35
There are plenty of kids flipping at trampoline parks and in gymnastics classes, so I think it's a little disingenuous to see Instagram as the place to find your son's kind. Seems more like you're fanning the flames of the obsession with filming every minute of our lives--something that's making for a constant need for feedback, which if we don't get it, makes us depressed.
69
If a child flips in the woods and no one sees it on Instagram, did he actually flip?
8
I agree with those who find this article recommending screens for kids way too young. But what shocked me in the article was this:
"...on average, parents of teens and tweens spend more than nine hours a day with screen media, with 82 percent of that dedicated to personal screen media, including about an hour of social media."
Think about that. Of maybe 16 hours of waking time per day, only 5 are spent in the actual real world.
No wonder we're so blase about killing our planet and most of it's creatures. We don't live there.
87
Actually, that leaves about seven waking hours a day away from the screen. Nevertheless, your point is well-taken. This was the biggest bunch of crazy from a parent that I have ever seen the NYTimes publish. Bad call, editors!
1
"After all, my kids are digital natives: They’ve never known life without connectivity."
That's what happens when you shove screens in your kids' faces to pacify them from the time they're little. Contrary to popular belief, that's not actually a requirement of being a parent today. My oldest is almost 7, and does get screen time, but never in restaurants or many of the other places parents use technology as a substitute for interaction.
60
Thank you! We’re consistently in restaurants and waiting rooms and our kid is the only one without a screen in her face (and consequently has an attention span and patience).
Also - my nephews and nieces all got onto various social media sites at the “allowed” age or earlier (a flouting of the platform rules by parents I will never understand) and my siblings have all regretted it (now that the kids are in HS or later). Caused nothing but trouble - major and minor. Over and over.
Children should not have access to these devices. We raised four children, and they did not have phones until they were thirteen. They did not watch television. They did not play video games. Just say no. If you scroll through even recent NYT articles, you will see that the people responsible for these devices, in Silicon Valley, don't let their kids near them. We have no idea what this is doing to their brains, to their sense of self, to their capacity for individual thought. Nothing. As a note, all of my children are fine, have many friends, strong relationships, went to or are attending what are considered 'top' schools. Please keep your children reading, talking, playing outside, and keep them off these devices, which manipulate them at every turn, turn them into the worst kind of narcissists, and lead to attention deficit disorder.
60
I agree with you on all points, except for the Attention Deficit Disorder. I keep my kids away from all screens and social media. They’re both 9 years old and one of them has ADHD. It’s not a disorder that you get from screens. It’s a real learning disability and to look at it in the terms you describe is insulting and uninformed.
7
I took the same approach with my 13-year-old, until I found out that she had a secret account on a service that we had prohibited. Now we have spyware. It's extremely easy to bypass parental limits when the parent can't see what's going on.
30
Ew. Get your child to a playground or backyard, to meet actual kids who like to flip. Let his ADHD burn itself out in the great outdoors. (which - read about it - has been shown to reduce ADHD). Parent your own child, rather than abandoning them to the wasteland of "connectivity". Connect to people, nature, oneself/ family in real time, (for those 9 hours) and see what happens. I would rather talk to my children about real things than monitor their every move on line. Ew.
57
Speaking as a teacher: No child needs an Instagram account, especially at age nine. Stop jumping on the bandwagon. They need to be outside playing, creating art, learning science and engineering through experimental building and play, and reading. Schools are tired of cleaning up “the morning after” poor social media use. It is a huge contributor to lost educational time in the school building as children are guided through “what went wrong”, parents are called in, and sometimes the police need to be involved-and this is at the elementary school level. Elementary school children do not have the socio-emotional skill set needed to engage in social media. And no, your child is not different. Administrators and teachers are tired of cleaning up the messes created outside of school by this typed of thinking.
134
Excellent point Lynne. Thanks.
4
Why only for social media? Shouldn't these apply to all our interactions with our children.
1
It's ok to have kids, but you have to raise them yourself. The little screens you employ when you don't feel like parenting do a terrible terrible job of it.
10
Very helpful article on a topic I’m trying to get my head around. Love the ending when the writer admits not knowing what the next step is with YouTube.
2
Part of the agreement you consented to when you signed up your child:
"13 years old
Instagram requires everyone to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (in some jurisdictions, this age limit may be higher). If your child is younger than 13 and created an account on Instagram, you can show them how to delete their account."
Precisely 2.5 secs should a similar age limit for Youtube
So - no - your child is not Instagram or Youtube ready
46
The law requires people to be 21 to drink, and that does not stop the vast majority of teens from drinking. The point is not what arbitrary age the companies "require," it's that once other kids are doing it, your own child is likely to as well. I would say 80% of my child's friends appeared on the first day of middle school, age 11, with a smartphone and an Instagram account. The burden should be on the social media corporations to provide technology for parents to monitor their children's accounts and put daily time limits on the app, which you cannot currently do.
This is an article more about how the internet is ruining social cohesion.
Another reason not to have children.
3
"But I worry that on their own, they’ll become addicted, use social media inappropriately or be exposed to something they’re not ready for."
Yes. They will.
Ps. If you think a 9 year old has the capacity to comply with a written contract then you must please try to better see and understand that they simply can't. Nothing personal.
39
"After all, my kids are digital natives: They’ve never known life without connectivity."
They are digital natives because you, as the parent, chose to make them that way. What is your 9 year old gaining by being on Instagram. That he posted a a video of himself in his underwear, I assume without you knowing, shows you need to reconsider the device along with the access you have given to your child. Being a parent is tough and it sometimes involves saying no with an appropriate explanation.
69
"They are digital natives because you, as the parent, chose to make them that way."
Best comment ever!!!!
1
Why ignore Instagram's terms and services that dictate members must be at least 13 years of age? We used to video tape ourselves doing stuff all the time growing up, but we didn't feel the need to show strangers around the globe. Of course, we didn't have the means to do that back then, but neither should kids today. Especially under 13.
26
Kids just do not need social media. Many fine and interesting thinge to do with limited screen time, my kid loves Google Earth, and chess, and Scratch and editing his photos, but it never even crossed my mind to have him hop on social media, good lord no. Seems at the very least like a tremendous waste of time and, at worse, dangerous. Kids should be playing or reading or tinkering or, gasp, helping out with chores. They should be outside as much as possible. Kids hunched over screens, kids too self-conscious, kids constantly recording themselves...no thanks.
22
"They may know more than you do about technology"... no, they don't. Kids don't know ANYthing about the technology underlying social media. They don't understand servers, packets, protocols, and how malleable and hackable those things are. In particular, they don't understand that everything they see on social media has the ultimate goal of making investors rich, regardless of how much damage it does to them or anything else.
65
Kids know about technology the same way that frequent users know which slot machines are the most gratifying.
A lot of vaguely sanctimonious preaching from the comments about the dangers of the digital age and how our kids should be raised as if this were the 1950s. I admit 7 and 9 years old to start using any social media platform seems crazy young to me, but twenty years ago it seemed crazy to my parents to get the Internet and now they use it everyday through a device they carry in their pockets. It seemed crazy to my grandparents that anyone would ever need a computer in their home. The times change and you can either acknowledge that and adapt or you can get left behind. My grandmother was a great woman and wasn't diminished in any way as a person by her inability to comprehend technology but she became increasingly unable to navigate an increasingly digital world.
We can all imagine that we can either stop or turn back the clock by delaying the age that children get access to social media or digital devices. We can remove the TVs from our homes, but the world isn't going to stop to cater to that and purposefully ignoring advances in society and technology does nothing but disadvantage your kids. I applaud this mother and this article in general for advocating a common sense way of tackling new parenting problems in a new age. It's a discussion and process that needs to happen.
2
We removed the tvs from our homes when we got married 27 years ago and consequently raised our kids. The result? So many couples we knew were impressed by this decision and the way our kids were turning out (readers, good relationships with one another, non-commercially oriented, less shaped by trends and pop culture), that it influenced many of them to do the same. We still watch movies on video, have computers, subscribe to the Times, and let our children have phones (late high school, which was an eternity to them but a decision they now respect and appreciate). The advice from most of these readers is not about banning on all technology from your children's life indefinitely, it's about delaying it until your children have developed better judgement, social and emotional skills.
1
Good luck. You've jumped into the fray that will last the next decade at least. Be prepared for your child to quickly outperform your monitoring tactics. Social media moves much faster and in a language that will always keep you just slightly behind the curve. Why? Because you're not a tween, teen, or youngster at all.
9
"It makes sense. After all, my kids are digital natives: They’ve never known life without connectivity." Whose responsibility is that? Their connectivity at those ages should be with you, and with their friends and teachers, first. They need a grounding in the real lives and people around them, those who actually are "connected" with them and care for them, longer and more deeply than being shrugged into the faux connections with strangers online. The effects of entry into the online "social" world on children's own socialization, care and communication with others, knowledge of the world around them, and safety are profound. And the pretense that our children are just some new sort of creatures that need to have their heads bent over devices from early childhood is a false one, a cop-out from those whose responsibility it is to protect and guide them, and a dangerous one.
13
It would be comforting to pretend otherwise, but growing up with social media is never going to mimic the experiences of their parents. Children are now not trusted to wait for the bus alone, go outside and run around the neighborhood unsupervised, and busybodies - neighbors, strangers, and officials - assert the right to interfere in how a parent raises their child.
It's nice to believe that it's possible to go back to the "good old days" when children ran around outside and social media didn't exist, but it's not going to happen, and kids need to be able to keep up with their peers.
Some of these comments sound like the kind of concerns that parents used to have regarding sex ed in schools. Unsurprisingly those were the parents who ended up dealing with teen pregnancies.
2
If you have to have so many rules and consult with doctors maybe it's better just not to let kids have smartphones. These things re-wire your brain. Regardless of your rules and good intentions, your kids will become addicted and they will start sneaking, lying and fighting with you to get more time with the device.
I propose the following alternative set of rules.
Rule1: When child asks for an iPhone say "No.". Rule2: See rule 1.
13
So the first thing she teaches her child about social media is to violate the terms of service by enrolling under-aged? The author considers this good parenting? Is displaying how "precocious" your child can be more important than teaching good moral values?
22
Judi Ketteler is a bad parent. Read the comments. Basically, Judy, you've violated the law, you've allowed your child to violate the law and you are fine with that. You haven't the vaguest idea what you're doing raising this child, and you've put it in the national news. And basically now it's too late. You've opened Pandora's box for your child who will never be an unplugged child again.
4
I caught my 10 year old with an Instagram account. I looked up their terms of service, and it said you had to be 13, so I deleted her account.
I have an old ipod air that I've cloned to her apple account, and monitor her usage in real time. Much like that Southern politician who was texting his mistress on his iphone while his wife was at home, reading the texts on his cloned ipad.
11
Look at the research for controlling any unwanted child behavior and you will see that none go this will work. Kids this age cannot make agreements, understand contracts or truly understand what you are asking of them.
Unfortunately it was found that nothing worked to get kids not to talk to strangers. You are using a strategy that will never work and forgetting that children are not adults.
Please listen to other commenters and get your kids off the internet before there is a trouble.
Kids on social media are just candy to predators and bullies.
15
I find a great deal of society's woes are caused by bad parenting. Exhibit A: letting a 7 and 9 year old go on a social media site rife with explicit content (or any social media site, for that matter). Let them PLAY for crying out loud. Have them write books - on PAPER. Play games. I'm sure they're watching TV on top of however much time they've got their heads buried in a virtual world. Stop the madness author. It's not too late. Maybe all the comments here will be a turning point for you. Good luck!
31
As a child psychologist I find this article troubling. It’s bad enough that our teenagers are endlessly measuring themselves against the curated and airbrushed images on Instagram and YouTube. Now we are normalizing this for children?
42
The minimum age for most social networks is 13. There are reasons for this.
254
For a child of a young age, with young age for this purpose lasting longer than you had thought, the goal for parents is to avoid anything in media that will give your kid nightmares. You learn that the mask of Apollo on the cover of Mary Renault’s The Mask of Apollo will freak him out because it has no eyes, or that the Mucinex commercials will occupy his thoughts in worrying about why Mister Mucus has teeth, or that a fashion magazine glamazon looks like a space alien, or that Robert Siegel’s voice makes him nervous. I am not ready to child-guard all of Instagram.
26
7 and 9? Way too young for social media. Limit their device usage and get them out doing actual activities rather than staring at a screen. They should be "finding their people" in the real world, not relying on digital shadows of people they'll never interact with. By 12-13, it starts to be inevitable but in elementary school you still have some influence, and social media isn't so pervasive that it will make them social pariahs to not have it. I can't believe advice like this is being published by NYT.
429
I agree this is a deeply irresponsible article.
This language about finding moderation and a middle ground and recognizing the inevitability of media in children's lives would be fine if the kids were teenagers. But it is not moderate or responsible to let children this young have social media accounts.
15
Ages are realistic. If a kindergartner is encouraged to be digitally active at school and at every other location including playgrounds now, why not at home? B
At least you can manage at home.
1
I also agree with WW and the others who pointed out that Instagram's minimum age is 13. There should be an editorial statement in boldface appended to this article pointing that out. What the author did is a violation of terms of service, and many parents of younger children who agree with the general teaching approach might not realize that it's being carried out 4 and 6 years too soon.
15
Instagram's age restriction is 13. I think that's low. It's very quick and easy to access totally adult content on Instagram. There's also a lot of "not quite adult" content, including juvenile but explicit takes on sexuality, and racist and sexist and otherwise demeaning content. And it's all mixed up together in the search feed, uncontextualized, with everything else. I like to use Instagram, but it's design and functionality makes it a bottomless freeforall - I don't think it's a good place for kids at all.
176
From the Instagram Terms of Service:
"Instagram requires everyone to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (in some jurisdictions, this age limit may be higher). If your child is younger than 13 and created an account on Instagram, you can show them how to delete their account."
Why do you think it's okay to teach your child to ignore the rules of the community that he wishes to participate in? It's just NOT OKAY. The first rule for responsible technology use should be teaching your children to respect basic rules. Instead, you are doing the opposite.
Social Media age restrictions matter. We all want children to drink responsibly, too, but that doesn't mean it would be okay to take your 15 year old into a bar to drink with you so he'll be ready for life when he's 21.
410
She wants him to "find his people" -- other kids with ADHD -- ignoring the fct that such children tend to over-focus on things they like (but unable to focus on things they need to do like school or reading) -- so she is feeding his weaknesses without building any strengths. Plus she let's him post 20 times a day on INSTAGRAM.
3
This is a refreshing approach to an increasingly thorny issue. Rather than write off social media outright, the author finds a fair and practical middle ground. I appreciate the acceptance of the fact that our children WILL use social media and need to do so in a responsible and careful way. I am going to use the 'contract' idea with my own children. Keeping an open dialogue is so important. Thanks for this.
12
Your children WILL use social media only if you let them.--from mom of five
3
"I appreciate the acceptance of the fact that our children WILL use social media"
That is not a fact. That you think it's a "fact" is terrifying to me.
4
How does a 9yo use social media without permission? No phone, no access to devices in the home without a parent unlocking for them. Draw up a contract with your teenager by all means, but a child? Come on.
As a high school teacher I would just say this, Keep your children away from social media and cell phones for as long as possible. Over the last 20 years of my teaching career I have seen the following: increased bullying, increased isolation of students, addictions to technology, shorter attention spans, increase in anxiety and depression due to students thinking their life pales in comparison to those of their peers.
When students enter a classroom or even at lunch they hang out with heads bowed over their devices. They speak to each other less and look at their phones more. They look at the posts from others and feel inadequate or left out.
Children who are 7 and 9 do not sound like tweens to me they are children. Children should be having fun with others without posting about their every move. The adults in the community need to set a better example.
I notice that more parents are distracted and are on their devices when they are with their children in parks and restaurants. Childhood is a precious time that should be free from social media.
393
I agree with you on all points. This is irresponsible parenting and excuse laden. Get your kids outside, meet people in person and most importantly to experience the NOW- not document their life for others. I am happy Judi Ketteler is not raising my kids.
9
As a parent who has raised my kids (now early 20s), I think you are delusional if you think that you have this much power as a parent. We did as the author did and didn't hesitate to revoke privileges if they were abused. Other parents did as you did, and their kids created a nice mesh of accounts that they had zero access to and did as they pleased. Your choice. Prohibitions DO NOT WORK.
1
Yeah, no. They do. You have to role model behavior though. My kids are in their 20s and never cared for social media. Their father and I never touched it, didn't even have a television on more than one evening a week. My kids did make things and do experiments and, yes, they did still have friends.
4
As a college student at the tail end of the cut off for Millennials, I can't remember a world without the iPhone or pervasive social media. And like many students my age, I have multiple social media platforms and spend (waste?) a decent amount of time on each account. That being said, when I encountered a 10 year old on Instagram on the subway last year, at a time when I myself still didn't have my own account, I wondered about the value of introducing social media to children of such a young age. The notion that kids have been connected since they were young is baffling: why do they need to be connected? Elementary school children should be interacting with each other on the playground, not online. Their time to delight in the joys of a plastic slide is limited; time spent on Facebook can endure for a lifetime. I question parents who say that they set boundaries, therefore their child's consumption is acceptable. The author is right to worry about media addiction—even with rules, she's planting the seeds early. It's not enough to set limits or discuss this with kids. One has to wonder what the benefits could possibly be. No, connecting with others is not an answer, nor is learning how to use it correctly in a sheltered environment. What can social media provide for kids that a book, a playdate, or a sport cannot?
257
Especially now that some of the young turks who developed social media are now having kids of their own and they admit they developed addicting media on purpose, using the gambler's addiction as a model.
6
You are one wise young lady. Wish there were more parents thinking with you insight.
5
You know, kids growing up these days don't have to be "digital natives." I have two five-year-olds and they have no idea what YouTube or social media is. We don't have a tablet or Kindle. We just got rid of one of our two TVs. My husband and I minimize our phone use at home and no longer use Facebook. If you consciously set a goal of raising your kids to be active in the non-digital world, and make decisions to reflect that goal, you can have happy kids who fill their time with learning and playing and not on screens.
277
I have two twenty year olds. You won't be able to maintain this facade past age 8 or, maybe, 10. You sound like the parents who bragged about keeping sugar and chocolate from their kids - I know for a fact that their kids ate as much as they could whenever they could in completely gluttonous fashion when their parents weren't around. Same kids "weren't on social media or anything like that" according to their parents - guess who got their friend requests?
10
Correct- Be the person you want your kids to be. Set examples, aim high and be in the moment with your kids.
10
"Two five-year-olds."
Oh that is adorable. Talk to me in 5 years.
5