Javanka, Chelsea Clinton, Jenna Bush, Meghan McCain and countless others agree with the author’s advice!
2
" It’s a fine thing when the virtuous prosper."
It's even finer to tell yourself that you're undoubtedly one of the virtuous on the basis that you are bound to get round to doing virtuous things later but for now you might as well get all the perks of behaving exactly like the wicked do and a pat on the back in the process.
Practically Kwame's advice is no doubt just what the writer wanted to hear but ethically it stinks. If you can't uphold a principle now, the chances of you ever doing anything to uphold it later are close to zero.
4
Re nepotism. Every intern that worked in my bank via daddy's connections was labeled as such and eyed with skepticism. Not sure I could have lived in their shoes....but the benefit of the easy job access may have outweighed the social discomfort.
3
Subway cars all have numbers, too. So if you can't get to the conductor in time you can hurry to street level and call 911 with the number and line of the car.
This is a really difficult issue. I once called 911 about a man pushing a woman and yelling at her outside of my building. It was a hard choice for the reasons listed here (what if he takes revenge later?), but I justified it by thinking that if she ever did leave him and get a restraining order against him, it might help create a paper trail in case she had never reported anything herself. It's a really hard issue.
3
Yes, thank you. Even if it doesn't do anything in the moment--saying something communicates to the victim, "I see you, I see this, and it isn't right." And then if that seed grows enough for them to ever leave--it helps protect them if there's a paper trail in place for them already, documenting the abuse, a trail created by helpful strangers like you.
3
In my company, a connection can guarantee that your resume will get looked at when 500 people apply. It *might* tip the scale in favor of granting you an actual interview. It does NOT mean that you get the job--you need to earn it through your resume and your interview.
I think the letter writer is misunderstanding how business connections work. They can help you stand out when hundreds of other people are clamoring for the same position. But that is very different than giving a job to a less qualified candidate.
It's still unfair in that some people simply don't have these connections. However, there's a huge difference between being a qualified candidate and using a connection to help stand out, and getting a job simply because of a connection.
4
I can't believe I just read an ethicist column in which the columnist gave a thumbs up to nepotism. The letter writer knew it was wrong and they should have declined on their principles. Why would they call out nepotism later on in their career when they themselves benefited from it? What is the point of having principles if you yourself don't stick to them?
Nepotism has quite a different view when you're on the losing end of it. Years ago I applied for an internship. I was entering a new field and although I had some experience, this would have been a big plus. The internship also included a transit pass, which would have been very helpful for me in order to cut down on expenses at that time I was a student. The interview went really well but the interviewer called a couple days later to decline and was genuinely apologetic to me. My school posted a celebratory note in honor of the candidate who got it. Later on I found out that I actually was selected for the position by the interviewer but the other candidate's parents were friends of the organization's president and gave it money so the interviewer was overruled. The letter writer taking this position would very likely be doing the same misdeed to someone else.
7
I am extremely disappointed in your final verdict on the problem of nepotism. Your advice to be cutthroat until your at the top advocates for a further acculturation of the exact trait this questioner wishes to end. Most individuals in society struggle with gaining advantage over someone else without meriting it, and you (our ethical guide) tell them it is okay to take this advantage when possible. It is not okay. Do you think this questioner will or can end his practice of nepotism after gaining its benefits after 15, 20, or 30 years on their way to the top? That would be naive.
I offer another option. Advise the questioner to guide his father's old company to more ethical practices now, not a generation from now. The father apparently has some influence on these issues. It has the added benefit of getting the better candidate and making that company better and more competitive. By not taking anything we don't earn, we have the high honor of always deserving what we have. This may be the best benefit of all.
7
Letter Writer 1 should use his family's social, financial, and political clout. That's what they're there for.
3
Take the internship. I called a friend to ask her to look at my son’s resume. She hired him and he was a stellar employee. Later the friend told me she did not hire him because he was my son, but because he was great. The friendship just got him an interview. I have sent other non-relatives to this same company and again, my input gets the resume looked at. The applicant has to take it from there.
12
I think that the 2nd letter writer was faced the exactly the dilemma is described. I am 70, and I might take the risk to talk to the guy, IF there are other people on the car. Ask his name, distract him. Ask him if he notices what he's doing. Ask him about his mom, what's her name, did she get beaten up? What would she think about what he's doing? What would his grandmother think?...not in a "let me understand you" way, but in an observational, unemotional, matter of fact way. When he gets angry, which he will, "Do you really expect someone to not notice what you're doing? Do you even know how your acting? Do you see it?" He may get angry at me and threaten me, and I may give up...but she would know. As an older woman, I can take advantage of that...I have and I will. It's my ethical responsibility. And I'm not saying that every woman should do that, but I am HOPING, I aspire, to do that. And, if I didn't, I would feel just as this woman did. I have great empathy for her.
2
Both my parents were very well known and, therefore, my last name, in our very big city. Basically, every time I applied it was noticed I was related. So instead of hiding from it, a friend told me "it's not how you got the job, but how you keep it." I have been gainfully employed for 30+ years.
8
Years ago a boyfriend was verbally abusing me in public...he wouldn't dare lay a hand on me but it was shocking in any case. Kind glances from others who saw the incident made all the difference. I dumped him after a few months.
8
Professor Appiah is correct that the student should take the internship but wrong to urge him to oppose nepotism later on. Providing undeserved advantages to one's own children is the essence of parenting. That's what parents do when they read to their own youngsters but not to the children of the neighbors, when they pony up tuition or pay high property taxes to ensure superior educations, when they take their kids on enriching trips and outings. and yes when they exploit their own professional achievements to angle for (and pay for, by making up for foregone income) educational experiences for their kids like internships. That's half of the point of striving for professional success in the first place: to leave your children in a good position to pursue their own goals. American life is a relay race in which performance of the previous generation in their lap means a head-start for the children who compete in the next lap. Both Obama and Paul Ryan explicitly recognize this in their discussions of privilege. Does this system create and exacerbate inequality? Of course. But the only realistic way to combat that is by redistributing the fruits of success. Equalizing the differential impact of the parents' preferences for their own children is a preposterous fantasy that we couldn't meaningfully advance without remaking American life in the image of the kibbutz. Forget losing notions like that and work to equalize results.
4
I am so glad that you finally got around to advising that young man to use his father's juice to get the internship, but was appalled at your reasoning.
By way of preface, I am an economist and antitrust lawyer by profession and have spent my professional career on the subject of competition. I will probably outrage you by saying that competition, in the broadest possible sense, has been one of the keys to human progress. I will also state my belief that competition cannot be stopped, and that efforts to do so simply make it less efficient. Finally, I will say that competition is a constant quest for advantage, and success requires the accumulation and effective deployment of advantaged resources.
Your answer to the intern question argues that the accumulation of advantage is some how unfair, as though every competitive playing field must be constantly rebalanced to ensure that no one is ever in a better position than anyone else. This reasoning, with its attendant culture of envy, participation trophies and blame-casting, has created a generation of young people who believe that they are entitled to success and that their failures are attributable to unfairness and discrimination.
That young man's father "won" the ability to to position his son for an internship. We don't truly want to stop that process or to teach our kids that winning is bad or unfair. Competition improves the breed!
3
Well, *I* want to stop that process. When winning means someone else loses and ends up in poverty or with other severe consequences, when it means not caring about others, I want and will work to stop that process, of which Donald Trump is the epitome. If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
The other issue is the letter writer himself. If he truly is against that system, then his ethical obligation is to not *do* it. He's asking for permission, to salve his conscience, to do what is advantageous to him, while still decrying the system. Can't have both.
6
I was in the same situation as the 2nd writer once back in the 80's. I was in an exercise room at the University I worked at. There was a couple working out together, and it was clear that he was treating her poorly. They went out to the hallway, and a few minutes later I went out there to get a drink. As I came out, he slapped her. He saw me come out, and as I gave him the evil eye, he looked at me and said "this is none of your business man". Contrary to his expectations, I faced him down and said "yes it is, your NOT going to hit her again". He stared at me for a moment, then walked off. She (unfortunately) followed him. Not sure if I helped her out or not, but that wasn't the end of the story. A few minutes later, this REALLY BIG GUY came up to me and said "don't think that you have to stand up to that guy by yourself, we've got your back". I looked around and there was at least a half dozen people looking at me. One of them nodding.
Sometimes help is all around you.
16
Surprised that the usually astute professor Appiah did not consider the possibility that the "relationship" between the man and woman on the subways consisted of pimp and prostitute, perhaps in the god awful realm of sex trafficking.
5
LW1: the would-be intern encounters the real-world phenomenon of privilege and the advice given is sound. The daughter of a friend was eager to enter a particular field, both during her remaining college years and thereafter. She also wished to be in a smaller city for the summer where opportunities were quite limited. Her father solved the problem by paying the leading firm in that field to allow the daughter to intern. Privilege and money do have their advantages.
LW2: bravo for looking for law enforcement -- that has to represent a discharge of any implicit duty to help under the circumstances. I think any of us who are observant have seen the same or worse abuse by a spouse, spouse substitute or parent. Self-protection/preservation need to be number one, but looking for law enforcement (assuming some offense under the law has been committed) is about all that can be done; although notifying the conductor is a helpful additional idea.
1
Prof. Appiah: Try reading "Dream Hoarders," which makes the case that not only is preferred access to "internships" a closely held privilege in itself, but being able to list internships on college and employment applications conveys the possession of human capital that was not earned.
You write: "It’s a fine thing when the virtuous prosper." However, this is not virtue, but privilege that prospers. Who other than the privileged can afford voluntarily to work for nothing?
5
The college student should not use his connections to take the internship. There is a point to acting on your own beliefs, and not looking for a justification to violate them. The idea that he will make change from within, later, is nonsense. Once he becomes part of the organization, it is more likely that the culture will change him than that he will change the culture. It doesn't matter whether his stance has a large or small impact on society or none at all. It's a matter of following his own conscience.
5
Kwame,
I’m disappointed you didn’t expand on the papal roots of the concept and meaning of nepotism. The facts you state relate, I am told from a papal scholar during a past trip to Rome, arose from the desire of multiple Pontiff’s to provide advantages to their offspring, fathered in secrecy, and raised by their sibs as “nephews”.
1
One reason companies offer internships to the family members of good employees is to minimize the risks of hiring strangers and maximizing the likelihood that the company's work ethic will be enforced by the parent.
If pop works there, the kid won't goof off. And the company benefits from the free labor.
Take the the job. You're doing them a favor.
4
Internship: everyone has advantages and disadvantages.
Almost entirely, or, if you think as I do, entirely, those advantages and disadvantageare not our responsibility. For some, the advantage is gender; for others, gender and looks; for the others, the advantage is being part of a disadvantaged class, which is now being supported. For others, the advantage is being part of an advantaged class.
In any one case, it is difficult to know which set of advantages and disadvantages are most relevant...unless you are a Rockefeller applying to a Rockefeller.
1
Re: question 2 - I've been riding the subways for decades and have seen many ugly incidents, both verbal and physical. At least in my experience, people NEVER speak up as a group to defend a victim or stop a fight. It's always one lone person taking a risk. Sometimes that person has been me, but not in situations where I risked physical injury. I'm too little and old and frankly not brave enough. My point is, although it could happen, don't expect help from your fellows.
The awful scenario described here would not end well with the intervention of a passenger. But what could work is to note the car number, get off at the next stop and get the attention of the conductor in the middle car as they're looking out the window before closing the doors. Explain the situation and let them take it from there.
11
From way back it's been said "It's not what you know, it's who you know." Go for it kid, as the Ethicist advises.
"White privilege" if she intervened, the 75-year-old white woman thinks. How about the "white privilege" of being beaten to a pulp by the male "of color" and maybe also by the female "of color." Name Withheld doesn't have a clue as to what "white privilege" is about. She would do well to learn about the "Check your privilege" episodes at Princeton and other similar instances before she is ready the next time to take what is a disparagement of being white and internalize it into something where she is the guilty party because she is white if she speaks out or acts with regard to despicable and in some cases even illegal conduct and behavior by someone "of color."
1
I'm not even sure the internship question qualifies as nepotism. If it were the father hiring his child, that would certainly be, but Dad doesn't even work there any more.
Everything in a career is about fostering connections, and as long as the student is qualified for the position, he or she should apply and let the chips fall where they may. And from the company's standpoint, if Dad has a good reputation there, despite not working there any more, the company has some assurance that it is hiring a good intern.
3
It's not nepotism in the strict sense of hiring and supervising one's own relatives, but it's a similar concept.
Doesn't every train car have an emergency call button?
4
Nepotism is a form of in-breeding; companies that widely practice this are slow to change, because everyone thinks the same way and values the same thing. These companies can have difficulty recognizing and adapting to changes in their market, sometimes with catastrophic results.
The college student should seek an internship somewhere else. Her father can tell her how his previous company operates. An internship elsewhere will show her how another company operates; intern at Dad's old company, and she has knowledge of just one firm. When she's ready for a full-time position, she'll have a leg up at two companies, not one. If she ultimately takes a full-time job with Dad's old company, her internship experience will help to counteract the stagnating effects of nepotism.
4
Why do companies provide internships? To help their families and friends or to provide an opportunity for those who might not otherwise be able to experience similar work? That should determine if he/she should take the internship.
2
For my team an intership serves as a three month long interview. Internships give us the ability to assess a student's skills much more deeply that we could with a standard interview. We focus on rising college seniors, and if they do well in the internship they have a job offer in their hands on their last day.
3
Letter 2:
Advice from a man who probably takes a lot of cabs.
9
Ever try finding the car where the conductor is? Good luck. From your analysis and advice, it is apparent you don’t regularly ride the subway. What she described is a terrifying situation regular commuters will at some point encounter. When our mayor allocates in the NYC budget not one dime for the subways because he is in a hissy fit with our governor, what hope is there for the ensured safety of a vulnerable commuter? This is not a Hollywood movie. This is real life. Your best bet is to wait until you reach to the next stop, get off, and inform the MTA employee in the information booth. Then that person can alert security and so they try to nab this disgusting abuser at the next stop.
4
I never had a father or a powerful male figure in my life to advise me and smooth my way; now I have a son who doesn't want to spend time together nor hear my advice, though I still have the willingness to help him much.
Take the internship if you can get it. Take everything you can get any LEGAL way you can. This is a private company, not a government job where the rules SHOULD create an equal playing field. Yet all know very well where the sons and daughters of the well-connected end up: we had one in the White House to kick off the 21st century, not to mention its current occupant!
Life is not fair. Your family has financial, political and cultural clout. Use it while you can. Now is a good time, the best time. You may die in a traffic accident next year or develop cancer before you really start to live.
8
Ethics aside, no woman being abused is going to answer 'yes' when being asked in front of her abuser if she is OK. Those of us with experience know it is 'asking' for a continued beating once in private.
34
The college student should use his father's connections and seek the internship. I believe (but don't have hard data) that most internships are awarded on the basis of some level of personal connection so that not using his father's connections would only result in the internship going to some other connected applicant.
The subway rider should have done exactly what she did: nothing until leaving the car and looking for the police. Intervention in domestic violence situations is dangerous even for trained and armed police officers -- anything the subway rider did could have resulted in either or both of the couple turning on her physically. And a subway car, in which it is difficult to retreat, enhances the danger. So, as a bald, mid-70 year-old white male, I believe she made the right decision, at least if she wanted to reach 80.
On the other hand, her "white privilege" concern is absurd.
12
My college-age son has had the same concerns, so I was gratified to read that some colleges are helping low income students afford to take non-paying internships by setting up scholarship funds - https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/02/education/edlife/paid-internships-col...
If my son does get a non-paying internship, for a summer or a semester, whether via connections or not, we will make a contribution to one of these scholarship funds to support a more equal playing field.
4
I got my first internship and current job as a result of family connections. Many connections are predicated on privilege: the financial wherewithal to buy into an exclusive neighborhood, or the inter generational experience that preps kids for college and grad school and professional life. Others are free to all: an acquaintance from church gave me an informational interview. I’ve connected with colleagues based on shared taste in books. I’ve connected with people over silly things like being in the same Best Western hotel bar on a Friday night, drinking awful free wine. Try to make the most of the free-to-all kind.
Maybe— since you realize that you are benefitting from your connections— you can begin sharing them now. Bring classmates places and introduce them to family friends. See if you can get a work/study or volunteer role in your office of career services, if you’re interested, and encourage other students to think deeply about career goals. Talk openly about the awkwardness of networking. Ace your internship, and recommend a successor who otherwise wouldn’t have known about it.
Last, one thing I wish I would have realized as an undergrad is how many professionals— almost all of whom were, in their glory days, college students— are happy to talk to an undergrad on the thinnest pretext, whether that’s career goals or the same alma mater or being in the same line somewhere.
10
Another way to look at the nepotism issue is that life is difficult, you will have some things that unfairly don't go your way. Taking advantage of a favor will only put you in a position where you have to earn your way and prove yourself alongside other interns and employees. It gets you in one door, it does not hand you a career or a long-term advantage. I had some help like this attaining my first job in NY. I spent the rest of my working life helping recent college graduates get first jobs, probably hundreds of them.
5
Sigh! I know this is so inappropriate, but I'll throw it out there. If I was an "unempowered" person, whose daily life (riding late night subways, for instance) could include encountering possible life-threatening situations, I would take advantage of our current laws.. and "pack." Unempowered no longer... Worked for me some years ago and I didn't even have to use the thing... And I'm here to make this so politically incorrect comment.
5
Typing us fine. Your comment is fine. Using your gun on the subway is not.
3
I guess you don't know about Bernhard Goetz.
4
"I was in a half-empty subway in Manhattan," The writer of the letter would have been under arrest for carrying an illegal gun. Anyone who wants a gun in New York City has to under go an extensive gun licensing procedure, and very few people get through it.
Please do not come to New York City and think that you have any right whatsoever to "pack." If you can't go anywhere without your gun, be kind to the rest of the universe and stay home..,,,,,,,,,
5
The correct, non-sanctimonious answer to the original poster is as follows:
Some people would not care about the appearance of impropriety that such a selection might give rise to. Since you do, you should consider either submitting an application without revealing your relation and without telling your father, or to be safest, apply in a different firm.
If it becomes known that your father helped you get an internship it could generate resentment, which would be problematic.
It could also, in general, be problematic in your own mind, since you have not stepped out of the shadow of your parents. You are young. Make mistakes. Go through a few rounds of rejection. You can afford it a lot more now, assuming no one is relying on your earning power at this moment, than say ten years later, when people may be relying on you to make potentially boring but safe choices.
3
Transit police should have a number where one can text concerns posted in plain site on all cars. Then people could notify them of a problem without risking the ire of the offender.
26
This college student is still very young, very naïve and driven by her current high–minded written–in–stone philosophy of right and wrong. That's admirable and age–appropriate . . . . and weren't we all there once upon a time? The disillusion of reality is still in her future. I don't think there is anything unethical about using her dad's connections to get an internship. That's just a way to get her foot in the door. Isn't that what networking is all about? Then, it's up to her to do a good job and hope her performance will lead to an offer of full–time employment. On the other hand, if she does not do a good job and continues to use her dad's influence to keep from losing the internship and possibly continue there in a full–time position, that would be unethical.
6
Apparently, when one's comment criticizes Charles Murray or a Times columnist who cites him, like Professor Appiah here, the comment is not considered acceptable by the censors of the NY Times comment threads.
Perhaps the censors will publish the words of President Barack Obama (stated in 1994) concerning the "work" that delivered Charles Murray his fame and fortune:
"The idea that inferior genes account for the problems of the poor in general, and blacks in particular, isn’t new, of course. Racial supremacists have been using IQ tests to support their theories since the turn of the century. … With one finger out to the political wind, Mr. Murray has apparently decided that white America is ready for a return to good old-fashioned racism so long as it’s artfully packaged and can admit for exceptions like Colin Powell."
Today, Murray's The Bell Curve could well serve as a "bible" for many of our political "leaders" (although at least one of them would need the "books on tape" version; and the Reader's Digest one at that). Shame on Professor Appiah for citing Murray - for any reason -, now >20 years into his obfuscation and excuse-making re toxic racist nonsense.
14
So internships aren't "affirmative action for the advantaged"? People who are evil, bad, or with whom you disagree on most things can be right about some things, good at some things, and even insightful about some things. Sure, it might be better to not reference that person, but if that person is the source of the quote that best fits, so be it. It's not an endorsement of the whole person.
16
I thought "affirmative action for the advantaged" is a cute phrase, one that could be used to refer to many things, not just internships.
Do you think Appiah should not cite the source? Just claim it as his own? Or put it in quotation marks without mentioning the source?
1
Interesting perspective regarding NYT censorship. But can you be specific with your criticism of The Bell Curve? Though I voted for Obama twice, he clearly did not read or understand the book given his Colin Powell statement.
Simple set theory really helps to frame this issue. Set {A}, the universal set, consists of the total applicant pool for the internship. This includes both applicants related and unrelated to the firm's employees. If the applicant opts out, because of concerns about unfair nepotism, then per this discussion, subset {B} would consist of basically two elements, the opting out applicant and the null set, composing the "heroic sacrifice." Subset {C} has all the applicants as elements except those opting out for moral reasons {A} - {B} = {C}; i.e., "the opportunities will be distributed among people who don't even have the virtue of being aware of the problem."
The universal set, {A}, can be stratified by income to help measure financial capital. It can also be stratified by years of education to help with a good "proxy" to measure social and cultural capital.
The difficulties and intense emotional content of using race as a proxy for many perceived and often fabricated human characteristics are evident in many of the overt and covert issues underlying the train car example.
[Th 02/22/2018 10:03am Greenville NC]
1
I've been in similar situations. Once I asked the woman "Are you ok?" and when she said yes, I moved on. The other time I threatened to call the police, and then called the police. The man left before the police arrived. I think it is good to speak up, for everyone involved. But if your inquiry is blocked by the abused person, there isn't much you can do. At least you will know you reached out.
15
...because the abused person often knows that as soon as she and the creep she's with are alone, she'll have the stuffing beaten out of her, if he feels at all humiliated. Increasingly in the Trump era (which has encouraged the vermin to come out from under their rocks and exercise their vileness), there are no sure decent solutions to awkward situations, regardless of your good intentions. We need changes at the top of our social order, which -- unlike the abject economic baloney pushed by right-wing politicians -- has a definite trickle-down effect.
6
I too have used the "are you doing okay?" on transit
1
So according to you, there was no domestic abuse before Trump became President? Spare me.
1
Intern,
Connections and networking are essential to career success. Use whatever connections you have to your advantage. This is how the world works.
Once you’re in a position to help others, do so. That’s how you pay it forward.
44
I completely agree with Mr. Appiah's advice to the student because I also believe he should take the internship and work towards changing the hiring practices. The student claims that nepotism, which occurs when systems offer a resource to a relative while overlooking those who are more deserving, is unethical and that internships or jobs should be earned based on merit rather than favorable advantages.
Advantages such as better educations, connections and better financial resources, those who have these advantages also have a greater chance in getting opportunities and remunerative careers of higher value. Mr. Appiah says that qualifications for internships and other professions are easier for the rich and well connected and that he should take the internship since social issues are not solved by “heroic individual sacrifice" but instead by bringing attention to the issues, i fully agree.
I would have gave similar advice to the college student, since turning down or rejecting an opportunity because of an “unfair system” is not something i would do. If an opportunity arises, i’d take it and i believe the college student should do the same.
3
Inaction in the face of perceived injustice isn't necessarily unethical.
For starters, what was actually going on between the couple on the subway? I'm not looking to defend the guy, just to point out that things aren't always what they seem (see story about autistic 5-year-old whose parents were accused of improperly caring for their child a few weeks ago). At least be reasonably sure you're right.
Assuming reasonable certainty of being right enough, consider the consequences of action, for all parties. Ideally, the bystander tells the aggressor to stop it and he/she does. More likely, it won't be so easy. In that case, short of enlisting someone else, the 75-year-old lady probably can't do much, even if she is "healthy and strong". And, like Appiah mentioned, there could be consequences paid by the victim for whatever goes down.
If you are in a position of power (whatever that means in the situation), you may be able to do more.
There are a lot of ways that doing nothing in the situation can be OK. Just don't cheer on the aggressor.
7
Internship-"she knew what it meant, but she went" is a line stating that not all opportunities are what we would have them be, but one takes the situation for what it is and moves on. I believe the student is overrating both the internship, and the effect of staying away from it, but there is a possibility that future professional contacts may occur, so it is probably not without value. The student should take the opportunity, recognizing that this is not a marriage and one may always leave if it is a genuinely miserable situation.
Train-somewhere on that subway there is a conductor opening and closing the doors. The lady should have gone to him and told him in which car someone was being abused. It is unwise from a safety consideration to get involved in what maybe a domestic dispute. Police will tell you that it is one of the most dangerous calls to answer, and trying to rouse the crowd to action works really well only in the movies..
31
On an N train bound for Brooklyn late at night many many years ago, a group of very loud, boisterous, aggressive young men entered the car behind ours. They turned their boom box on at top volume and proceeded to leap onto the seats and hang from the poles of the otherwise empty car, yelling all the while. We had seen them come into that car from the car behind; all the other passengers had fled into ours on their arrival. But in our car, something very strange happened. Each time the train arrived at a new stop, the largest men in the car - including my 6'8" son - stepped silently into an open doorway and stood there until the doors closed again, preventing the unruly group from entering. To me, it felt like being in the Wild West, with the wagons drawn close around to protect us!
37
Re #2: See also "Portland Max stabbing"
Not that I want to discourage people from standing up against hate...
12
From the same ethicist who recently told a middle grade student not to report cheating because that report might stop some other students from getting into certain prestigious schools.
49
LW #2: Here's a true report from the parallel universe in which you would have said something. For what it's worth, I am a woman, tall but not particularly strong, and at the time was in my twenties. Otherwise the situation was pretty much identical.
After I told the abuser to stop, he turned to me, adopted a fighting position, and said he'd beat me up if I said one more thing. I believed him. I stood up to be in a better position to defend myself, and we stared at each other. Then a fellow passenger, a man in his sixties, shouted, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" The abuser guy wasted no time running over and started punching the other man in the face.
At this point we arrived at a subway station, which happened to be one with police presence. Passengers ran out of the car. Some warned the subway conductor, others tried to locate police. The abuser and his (I assume) girlfriend got off and disappeared into the crowds. The police officer who took my report seemed profoundly uninterested.
So yes, I took a stance, but an older man was bleeding from his nose. And as Appiah suggests, I suspect the girlfriend was blamed for the whole thing and beaten up even more than she normally would have been.
My current take: unless you are pretty sure you can overpower the abuser, try to take pictures of him and give them to the police. And donate generously to organizations that help domestic violence victims.
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If the abuser knows he's being "youtubed" for possible prosecution by the rest of the subway riders, he may start to think twice about his behavior.
As for the woman on the train, I fully agree with the suggestion of recruiting others. As long as we still have free speech ("bot-free" on the subway car), we still have power in numbers. Approaching him individually the woman in question would likely have been perceived as being just as vulnerable as the woman accompanying him. A group of strangers, cell phones out and videos running, might have been more than he could counter.
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And if the man had a weapon, they could all be dead.
Such is the sad state of progressive identity politics where a person is afraid to help a person of color for fear of being labeled racist, privileged, or a "white savior". Those who believe identity politics reap no vicious consequences in how we see each other, or treat each other, ought to to read this letter, written by a woman so entrenched in liberal identity politics that she considers peoples' color before she sees considers their shared humanity.
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My take is that the LW feels guilty because she didn't intervene - out of many layers of fear. At the top was fear of the man himself - a clear physical danger of confronting someone who is angry and physically aggressive. At the bottom, unfortunately, is a kind of social fear - of sticking out, of violating some norm, and that included being aware that she could be seen as an arrogant outsider. If she didn't feel the common humanity she wouldn't be wrestling with her doubts about her inaction.
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What may be occurring here is negative stereotyping resulting from a perceived necessity not to act on "privilege." If she saw a white guy doing the same thing, she might not have done anything because he could have lashed out, but she would likely not have tempered her evaluation of his behavior by conjecturing about his social class, lack of education, etc. The same abuse by a person of color, using her perhaps unconscious calculus, might be "understandable" because privilege must be countered by some compensation--thus the bar for calling out abuse is raised to the detriment of the person abused.
But this contortion imay not be limited to liberal white women. When video emerged of Ray Rice of the Baltimore Ravens abusing his girlfriend, it was a topic of conversation among my coworkers, many women of color. Two were adamant that his abuse should be assessed through a lens of society's treatment of black men and their resulting anger. And his punishment should be meted out taking account of this rightful anger displaced onto his victim. NO!
Institutional racism and privilege of all kinds exist. But this should not blind us to the reality of VICTIMS of violence whoever they are and whoever inflicts it.
Practically: Yes, per Appiah, LW2 might have alerted the conductor who could have called cops. Her cautious behavior in the face of violence is understandable, though, no matter victim's or perpetrator's color. Naming abuse as abuse should be similarly colorblind.
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It is totally unfair to say of this woman that she is "so entrenched in liberal identity politics that she considers peoples' color before she sees considers their shared humanity." Everybody is aware of the racial dynamics in this country. It would have been foolish of her to ignore this component of the situation. That's not some pernicious "identity politics." That's awareness of racism.
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Domestic violence are a very dangerous and to try and intervene can be equally dangerous. Just ask any cop.
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As for domestic violence on the subway (or light rail) there’s the risk that if you do anything at all it could escalate the abuser’s behavior and someone could be physically hurt or even killed. This is a matter for law enforcement.
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Regarding the subway situation: in this situation, the woman seemingly in the relationship with the man has to want to address the problem with law enforcement. I once yelled at and honked my car horn at a man who tackled a woman in public, which seemed to cause him to back off from physical attack. Both were Black, and I’m white, but that did not make me think I should stay out of it. My husband and child were with me in the car, and we were nervous but I felt that I had to act. The upshot was that I gave the woman a ride a few blocks away and called the police myself, but the woman did not want to talk to the police so nothing could be done. It was very sad and frustrating too. I do think we as a society need to draw a line about what is acceptable public behavior and be less afraid to get involved, but I don’t think that public involvement in the specific situation described is likely to change if the two have a relationship, as seemed to be the case.
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Subway rider: hopefully, you carry a cellphone. Next time, quietly call 911 and report that you are witnessing an ASSAULT. The police will respond, by contacting the driver, stopping the train, and/or boarding at the next stop. That is their job, not yours. Even if the victim declines to press charges, their will be a record of his actions. For the NEXT time. And thank you for your concern for this young Woman.
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cell phones do not work between stations. also I think your prediction of the police response is wildly inaccurate.
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You are better off alerting the conductor but do call it assault. If you call 911, do so also. The police will respond to strongly worded assessments of a situation; they may not respond as readily to generic reports of fighting.
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Do you think we are all obliged to carry a cellphone? ("Hopefully, you carry a cellphone.")
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In the first case, we have an idealistic young person who believes that nepotism is unethical . You seem to agree with her , but then suggest that she go along with the program anyway. Moral quicksand.
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This seems like another "everyone else does it" or "your impact is so small it won't matter" answers that support acting against one's own judgement.
While this one potential intern won't be able to put an end to nepotism (though this might fall outside of the strict definition), he/she can certainly choose not to partake in it. Many endowments and some investment funds (I think they're called "socially conscious", but it could be a different term) do not invest in certain sectors/companies. They don't necessarily make a difference, but they give the owners a clear mind about not benefiting from such investments.
Also, ignoring a source of inequality because it's not the "most important" is not sound. Not to get too much into current events, but if that logic were applied to the current discussion on AR-15-style weapons, there would be no basis to change anything (I don't have numbers, but I'm pretty sure handguns are responsible for a lot more human deaths in the US than rifles of all kinds).
All that said, Appiah's point about the advantaged starting and staying out ahead is generally accurate. Short of holding back the advantaged (good luck with that), I'm not sure there's much that can be done to change that. The motivated parents who can afford it will send their children to private schools, hire tutors, support them through low/non-paying internships, etc. to maximize their qualifications. They can simply afford a longer view. The poor[er] can't.
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