Excellent review of the child sexual abuse that is, unfortunately, more prevalent than we want to acknowledge. Our children are vulnerable to predators. It is a sad commentary for a so-called advanced society. It is the systemic collective enabling of this that is just as horrendous as the perpetrators. The code of silence, the turning a blind eye, is what needs to end and now.
4
The enablers are the real story. These types don't exist in a void.
9
this is your best column ever Frank; thank you.
7
Beautifully written. After watching "E:60" this morning on ESPN, I've come to the conclusion that MSU football coach, Mark Dantonio and basketball coach Tom Izzo have gots to go.
Neither man acted as though anything they learned this past week was news to them. Are they in denial? Absolutely. There has clearly been a systemic pattern of hushing up these charges and covering up to protect the reputation of their beloved university.
I don't have a daughter. But if I did, you best believe I would not let her near the campus of Michigan State. I don't know what power the NCAA has left to adjudicate such matters, but if any school ever deserved the death penalty, this is it.
3
This is not particular to MSU. I can assure you, from having worked there, that the other large, sports-obsessed public university in Michigan has exactly the same culture. If Nassar had been employed there, the outcome would have been no different. I feel certain the same is true across the country at similar institutions.
My hope is that this crisis at Michigan State sets off a serious examination of the corrupt culture of greed, self-interest, and self-protection at all costs at our large, public universities. All of them.
2
Frank Bruni's comment about Judge Aquilina in the last sentence of his opening paragraph is correct: "She was wrong."
I'm not a psychiatrist, so I have no technical understanding of why Larry Nassar is the way he is. But I've lived long enough -- have read enough about the Larry Nassar type, have encountered his type directly, and, above all, have developed enough Common Sense -- to realize why Judge Aquilina was wrong to describe Nassar as a type "we rarely see". What makes many humans monsters is the same thing that makes many humans Mother Teresas: an extraordinarily complex brain, so complex, that many go askew.
Frank Bruni mentions other kinds of human monsters; e.g., priests and coaches. Let's add to his list the phone and Internet creeps who scam people out of their life savings; federal government creeps whose endless pathological lies thwart sound policymaking, compromise our national security, and demean the name "U.S." -- etc.
Conversely, why do so many normal types Enable monsters? How could so many young women stay mum as their bodies, and souls, were being abused? Why do so many people Fall For scammers?
We live in tough times. But times have always been tough. Human monsters aren't rarely seen, they're often seen -- this is a fact of the human condition.
Normal people will continue to prosecute, and raise awareness about, the abnormal. At the same time, many normal people need to get wiser about the Real World. Vigilance and Common Sense can help.
7
It's familiar and global and apparently backed by US tax dollars. Listen to NPR's discussion a few days ago with former senator Patrick Lehy - the story is entitled "U.S.-Funded Afghan Military Units Accused Of Child Sexual Abuse, Report Says" The new report details the Pentagon's refusal to end military aid to Afghan military units who rape children.
8
Years ago, I suspected a relative had started molesting my son. I contacted CPS immediately, and they investigated. They were sensitive and thorough, but my son wouldn't talk, and it was impossible to determine what had happened. In the end, the most helpful thing the CPS did was show me a list of behaviours that young children being sexually abused typically exhibit. My son was not exhibiting any of these behaviours. My conclusion was that either nothing had happened, or I had caught it very early. Since then, I have been careful to arm him with knowledge: about his own sexuality, about appropriate and inappropriate touches, etc. It's not just a one-time discussion. We repeat every few months, and each time he has new questions. Hopefully it offers some measure of protection.
11
Thanks for reminding us that there are many monsters out there. We have one in the WH.
9
In the new world everyone will get a dna test for pedophile tendencies, and if someone comes up positive they will have their dna reengineerd.
1
Newt: My mommy always said there were no monsters - no real ones - but there are.
Ripley: Yes, there are, aren't there?
Newt: Why do they tell little kids that?
Ripley: Most of the time it's true.—Aliens
1
Your forgetting the biggest name of abusers out there. Donald J. Trump.
2
Nonsense.
The monsters are the legion who knowingly tolerate fiends like Nassar, Hastert, Cosby, Weinstein, Clinton, Trump, Lauer, Rose, Moore, Sandusky, Spacey etc. one consistently corrupt cowardly corrupt hypocritical explanation and excuse at a time.
6
Patriarchy is a huge system of failed father led families. There is no family name to pass along because men (fathers/sons, brothers) don't naturally get along. It becomes meaningless and then we get used to that.
Every generation women become weaker and less able to defend children. We are taught to accept the loss of reverence and protected status for females as Feminism. Children grow up abused to abuse their children. A culture of child abuse becomes ingrained in our psyches as normal.
Maybe it's time to stop blaming individuals.
There are no father led families in Nature. No hives ruled by kings. Humanity's experiment in male vanity (history) is an unfolding disaster of warfare, overpopulation, ecological despoliation, extinction.
How important is the God thing, anyway? Didn't God have a Mother?
5
You don't seem to understand the nature of power. Power isn't "male" in nature. Putting too much power in few hands has never worked out well for the rest of us, and it has been no different under queens as it has under kings.
3
Mr.Hultberg you make some interesting points. However if you look at the inner cities of America Mother led families are not faring particularly well.Could that be because boys will always need that positive male role model to become responsible well adjusted young men? Also as a society we have spent a whole lot of political and social capital defaming single parent aka mother led families,much to our own detriment. It seems to me that if young men do not feel valued we have a crime problem in our own back yards. If we over value men then we get war and super predation. I wonder what the fix is and how we all start that process?
2
Part of the problem, Marian, is that we can't have a discussion about the responsibility of both men and women in these societal ills. You won't see an editorial in the NYT about the complacency of women because that's "victim blaming," but you'll see no end of columns about how terrible men are and how everyone's problems sit squarely at the feet of misogyny and patriarchy.
You're right on about how we devalue young men and what that does to them and those around them. They're constantly being portrayed as monsters and abusers in the news media and popular entertainment. There is no sympathy for them and certainly no victim status when they are done wrong.
If you think women aren't believed when they report abuse, trying being a male victim of abuse. Most find too much shame in even coming forward, and that silence can turn deadly. We can only condemn men for acting out their abuse, we can never sympathize or understand them. And as the self-righteous anger spews out in this newspaper and everywhere else across America, the victims continue to become perpetrators who victimize others and the cycle goes on.
What angers me is the willful blindness by other adults to the abuse occurring on their watch. The school administrators who allow teachers to move on to other schools. The priests who are simply relocated to another parish. The athletic directors who refuse to look in the showers.
When that pattern begins, those who close their eyes to the crimes become complicit and should be dealt with accordingly. They are no more innocent than the driver of the get-away car. Until that happens, the monsters have equivalent of a free pass to go elsewhere and molest again.
7
In all the hubbub of sexual predation no one is addressing the underlying creepiness of “women’s” gymnastics. It is a kind of bizarre infantilism where girls are starved and overworked to postpone development and as a result suffer lifelong injuries. We need to let women develop naturally and promote the healthy athleticism of normal adult human bodies.
23
Good point. I never watched gymnastics because of the things you pointed out.
5
Yep. This, figure skating, and ballet are all shaped by a male-driven aesthetic that sees grace and beauty as possessed only by strictly pubescent physical types. Ballet maestro George Balanchine felt that only slender young girls could embody ballet--and he was legendarily brutal to his students, stars, and muses. The art is still taking a long time to get out from under his "vision."
2
One of the Nassar victims was interviewed by Chris Jansing on an MSNBC afternoon segment last week.
The victim, then a teen, told a woman with USA gymnastics, regrettably unnamed in the interview, about Nassar’s predatory behavior.
Not only was she ostensibly disbelieved by the woman, but castigated by her, dressed down and humiliated in front of her teammates, and was made to apologize to Nassar.
Hopefully in the fullness of time Nassar’s witting or unwitting facilitators will at least be named and, if appropriate, prosecuted as well.
9
I want to know what on earth that woman and her fellow female coaches/trainers/etc. were thinking. Why would you turn your back on these girls? Why would you not care--and regard them as trouble making liars? That is one of the most horrifying things about this case.
3
The cases of sexual abuse described are horrific and they need to be discussed openly, but they also need to be discussed in proper context. The 160 young gymnasts who were abused are 160 too many. The one doctor who abused them, in just this latest sad chain of events, is one too many. It would be helpful, however, to consider the magnitude of the problem in terms of percentages. For example, only 4% of priests were found to have committed acts of sexual abuse, the same percentage found in the general population. Most of these acts of abuse occurred several decades ago, when all institutions - corporations, hospitals, schools, universities - handled sexual abuse in a similar manner by shifting personnel from one location to another. So before everyone starts flinging around generalizations about men, doctors, priests, sports, religion, medicine, schools, teachers, universities, et alia, let’s use some simple statistical analysis that will help us keep these admittedly horrible events in some kind of larger context, so that we don’t let discussions of a very small minority of actors distort our perception of the problem.
6
I need to push back delicately on this topic. What to make of these inappropriate urges, in these cases to touch trusting youth to satisfy illicit sexual desires? As a gay man, I am naturally distrustful of social strictures because I know very well what it means to be forbidden.
So I ask again: what to do with these "unnatural" urges? As a biologist, I have deep appreciation for all Life - from spiders and snakes to hawks and doves. Our country was founded by Puritans. I can't help but suspect that Puritanical judgement is front-and-center in these cases. The core problem of adult/child sexuality is power, where the adult has far more and the child must obey. What if there were a better way?
Remember: homo sapiens is a reproductively aggressive species. We are so aggressive that we are systematically killing off our peer species. Something is wrong with us. We have not learned how to touch each other except to reproduce. What if we learned how to touch each other lovingly simply to delight, starting from a young age?
2
Nonsense, and potentially criminal nonsense.
Nobody's talking about a handshake, a slap on the back, a hug, and in fact, that is prcsely the sort of thing sexual predators say to set up their predation.
NAMBLA me no NAMBLAs: it's never appropriate for adults to be doing anything close close to what Nassar did.
The rules are simple: leave kds alone. You're a consenting adult, go nts.
7
One positive outcome of the Boy Scout abuse scandals is that they instituted mandatory Youth Protection Training for all adult leaders. The central tenet of this training is "two-deep" leadership, meaning that no scout is ever allowed to be alone with an adult leader they are not related to. And this training has to be renewed by every adult leader every three years for a troop to be rechartered by BSA. I would recommend that every youth organization require this type of training for adult leaders, counselors, coaches, etc. -- anyone working with youth in your organization. And a "two-deep" policy should also be mandatory in any youth setting, including schools.
7
I worked in child welfare for 45 years. You are absolutely correct.
I think it is important to emphasize to young children and teens of both sexes that they can tell their parents anything, at anytime, if they feel threatened, molested, intimidated or just plain creeped out by an adult or teenager, whether that person is a relative, family friend, coach, priest or minister, scout leader, choir or band director, babysitter or a daycare worker, teacher, etc. So many of Nassar's young victims internalized guilty feelings instead of alerting their parents and other adults that something was wrong. I implore parents and grandparents to make sure their children and grandchildren are empowered to call out wrongdoing when they see it, experience it or suspect it. It is not about frightening children or teaching them to fear others as it about is empowering them to feel confident they can confide in adults. Then it is up to the adults kids confide in to listen, and immediately take appropriate action. It is what we owe them as adults.
2
Until this scandal, I had not thought about the fact that abusers often groom not only their victims, but also other adults. Sandusky and Nassar --- not to mention who knows how many priests, pastors, scout leaders --- groomed adults to be willing to continue feeding them children, and pre-inoculated themselves against accusations by convincing these adults that they were indeed "good guys." (See the hyperlink under "victims and their parents were awestruck" about halfway through the article.) They turned parents, teachers, doctors, coaches into accomplices.
I don't know which is worse: destroying a child's faith in humanity before they even have a chance to experience life, or showing a middle-aged adult that what faith in humanity they've managed to retain over the years has been based on a lie.
In a book I read about duplicity and trust in relationships, a man writes about his son's preschool how it's wonderful that the bathroom doesn't need a door, and it's horrible that the bathroom cannot have a door. Sadly, we must now be suspicious --- or rather, some of us are learning that we should have been suspicious all along --- of any man who shows interest in working with children.
2
I just went to Amazon and purchased your book, "A Gospel of Shame." That such a book is currently out-of-print and I could only purchase it used, speaks to the persistent willful blindness. Kudos to you for having written it in 1993, around the same time that Richard Sipes was just beginning to publish his work, featured in the movie "Spotlight." There's really not more to say. Your last two lines say it all.
2
Another core element in the stories of serial abusers is "our" tendency to put doctors and others in leadership positions on pedestals where they are beyond criticism. I also notice that certain people are apparently flattered by and cultivate a friendship model type relationship with doctors, dentists etc and that takes away their freedom to be critical and discerning. In America, if nothing else, we have choice. There is no single specialist to whom we should be beholden.
3
Reflecting on my own molestation when I was seven provided me with some insight. As for the act itself, I was neutral and didn't give it much thought. My mother was hysterical. I remember the feeling of dread going to school and moving around town because the kid said he would kill me if the secret came out, and there was no reason to doubt him. When the secret came out, it was not resolved (no apology), so I awaited my death sentence. A year later we met, he punched me in the nose for getting him in trouble; I felt relieved. Before she died, my mother and I would get together and discuss family history which is often incomplete from a child's perspective. This incident came up as a reason for my mother quitting her great job, infuriating my father. She said she had already been feeling very guilty about leaving me every day to fend for myself (latch-key kid?) after school and this incident allowed her to quit immediately. My neighborhood explorations were not curtailed but she assured me that she knew where and with whom I was with, every minute of the day. The mothers' coconut telegraph. I was astounded when she told me that for much of my life, my parents thought I was gay; I had been made gay or caught the gay disease from this kid. I was a late bloomer on the dating scene, I perhaps was confused by the former hysteria, thinking all sex was deviant and to be avoided or at least would lead to uncomfortable outcomes.
4
The movie 'Spotlight' motivated me to re-examine the Boston priestly sex abuse revelations revealed by the Boston Globe in January 2002. In December of that year Cardinal Law, Archbishop of Boston, resigned after it was disclosed that his supervision of decades-old priestly abuse complaints was woefully inadequate. But Instead of the Vatican exiling him to some remote monastery to consider his failings and to meditate about his gross ethical and moral behavior, the now beatified sainted Pope John Paul II promoted him to an important and influential Vatican position. By so doing, the extremely rare historical opportunity for the Catholic Church to send a message to its world wide faithful believers about what Jesus Christ would have done in a similar situation was lost forever. President Ford granted Richard Nixon a "full and unconditional pardon for any crimes he might have committed against the United States while president". Though this pardon stunned even in a secular world, Saint John Paul II and Law's world is religious, not secular.
4
Were the parents complicit in their silence?
3
Jean Montanti if the parents knew.......YES.
1
Of Sexual Assaults, Gun Violence, and Racism in America, the sexual assaults issue is closest to having a lasting solution, in my opinion. Why? Because the sexual violation is the most neutral problem of the three and is detached the farthest from money and economic issues.
1
1. I find it hard to fathom that in a post-Sandusky world, MSU didn’t get the memo. Every university, sports body and child centered institution better be doing everything they can NOW to find and prevent abuse.
2. As a victim myself (age 5), I taught my dtr from toddler years, what parts of her body were private and that NOBODY could tell her to withhold information from me. Abusers use secrecy, threats and ignorance as their cover. Abusers are counting on you to be too afraid to have discussed sexual abuse with your child.
5
Excellent column, Frank. Perhaps others commenting on here have mentioned this--but I fervently hope that Nassar's victims sue Michigan State, USOC and USAG back to the Stone Age.
17
Yes. It the ONLY way to get them that actually HURTS. Period.
4
Malcolm Gladwell also wrote that the reason that predators were so successful was that they were very, very good at it. They developed personas that helped them gain trust, they hid in plain sight. They did not just groom children, they groomed every adult around them.
Sandusky had been previously investigated, and according to the Freeh report, the outcome of that investigation - by the state, not by Penn State - was in plain writing that he was NOT a pedophile, was NOT grooming children. That judgement easily could have played strongly in how everyone downplayed the later incidents. That is some very good grooming of adult society.
Monsters hide because they can. Some of it is people placing their heads in the sand, or looking the other way. I personally put my Bishops in that category: monsters were inconvenient, and they personally chose to let children come to harm rather than shake up their reputation, or staffing plan.
But in other cases, they are disposable - like Sandusky and Nasser, the programs did not need them and only them to keep running - so their ability to continue is more complex. Institutional behavior like passing the buck or not rocking the boat only explains some of it; truly not believing that the terrific guy you have always trusted is a monster is a lot of it too.
All of this is not to excuse us of the harm done to so many kids, so many young people. It is to make us aware that the answer is a lot more complex than "Just say no to monsters."
12
And we also have a culture where, though we expect even an 8-year old to dial 911 when the house is on fire or a parent's having a heart attack, we do not expect them to dial 911 when they are being sexually abused.
Is that a fault of Mother Nature's wiring or a fault of the culture's nurturing?
It's always been easier though to point fingers and paste instinctively satisfying labels on others than to look inward.
8
So what is to be done to stop them? What were they taught while growing up that set them on that course of action?
1
I recently retired as head of a school after 19 years.. Bruni has it exactly right. I terminated one teacher who had seduced students in the years before I arrived. I terminated another, who knew of this abuse and didn't report it. Over my years I investigated every hint of grooming or inappropriate "familiarity"and terminated those employees as a preventive measure. Might I have acted unfairly if no actual abuse occurred? No. I was prepared to defend my decisions, in court if necessary, by reporting the precise behavior that led me to protect children, even if the behavior itself was not actionable. In the case of the first teacher, his lawyer called and threatened to sue me. I said, "I would be more than happy to tell a jury of his peers the things that I know he did. Is that something you'd like to test?" I never heard from him again.
The point of this? To point out that it really isn't all that hard to keep kids safe, unless you are cowardly.
26
Dr. Nasser is an horrendous monster whose hideous behavior has finally come to light. More than 150 of his victims have recently come forward, and assuredly there are many, many others who have chosen to remain silent; however, I find it disturbing that I have not read a single account of any of his victims reporting his illegal behavior to the police; sure, many were underage and unaware that he was acting illegally, but some of them clearly were aware that he was abusing them - and what about the victim's parents? I saw one young lady saying that she told her parents about Nasser's behavior, but she said they didn't believe her. As the Times recently pointed out, perhaps some of these individuals were too focused on success and therefore willing to ignore the obvious.
3
My parents were not able to believe me. My abuser was the conductor of our junior high and senior high orchestra. Beloved by all parents. They did not know, and could not believe. Iowa City, Iowa
10
Recipe for a sports cult:
Slim prospects for invitation to a U.S. sanctioned team
Slim to none chance of competing in the olympics
Child athletes funneled by the thousands into hierarchical levels of competition
Parents that use the prospect of their child's Olympic dreams to "support" their kids "whatever it takes" (living very variously by their child's accomplishments)
Elite schools, coaches, trainers, psychologists, technicians, apparel companies and others whose livelihood depend on the performance of individual CHILDREN. Any of whom can rise to priestly status.
Frank's column covers one downside. See also: concussions, financial calamity, broken bones by the millions.
7
But haven't you heard? It's too dangerous to let your kids outside to play among themselves, so all sports and play has to be led and overseen by adults.
When do we return to sanity and stop letting our misplaced fears and ambitions rule our lives and the lives of our children?
2
Wise and sensitive column. I am the survivor of sexual abuse by a family member and no one believed me for decades until evidence came to light recently of a pattern of behavior. Things will never change until we are willing to accept that the atrocities of abuse happen all too often, and we stop punishing and further abusing victims because we don't want to know and hear what happened to them. My heart broke worse when no one believed me.
18
My heart goes oout to you. As a former Certified Social Worker with a 24 year carreer in Child Protective Services investigating cases of neglect and intra-family sexual and physical abuse I'm too painfully aware that cases such as this may give the mistaken impression that sexual abuse of children is only perpetrated by educators, coaches and priests. As bad as this fact is, statistics show that the vast majority of children who are sexually abused or molested are in fact victimized by a family member (father, stepfather, brother, mom's live in boyfriend, etc and in some rare instances by a female figure). The MO is similar though, with the perpetrator using their position of power in addition to careful "grooming" of the victim over a period of time to avoid discovery ( seductionj through special privileges, gifts, a false sense of "allegiance" and favoritism in keeping our "secret", work very well with vulnerable children). Compounding the difficulties of bringing such cases to justice is the role of the mother who often fails to support the child and pressures her/him to recant the allegations, although not always. Let's hope that this recently publicized sexual abuse within the US Gymnastic Team will serve to further educate society on this pervasive cancer that is so damaging to our children and future adults.
6
Children should be actively encouraged to speak up if they feel something is wrong and taught to be aware of behavior that is questionable - and this means the full spectrum of behavior - not just the most egregious kinds. Further, if a child doesn't want to be touched at all they should be encouraged to say so. We should emphasize to children that anyone can manifest very bad behavior - even people who are meant to look after them. We teach children to be careful around strangers - "Stranger Danger" comes to mind - but so many children are abused by people who aren't strangers at all; that must be so confusing and terrifying for them. We can help them to voice how unwanted this contact is and to get to the point where their abusers know that they will not suffer in silence because they think it's the only choice they have.
1
We have long revered individuals because of what they are, rather than for who they are. This turns a blind eye toward the superficial, while lending a presumption of moral rectitude in favor of evildoers, even when suspicions lurks for very good reason. History is littered with examples, Nassar being only the most recent. Assuming the best about everyone comes at a price.
Far too often, organizations...be they religious, governmental, athletic, business, financial, labor unions and others...suspend good judgment and abdicate whatever claim they might have had to acting in the best interests of their members and society in general. When those responsible for overseeing such entities fail to be vigilant, they are as guilty as the perps they are protecting. The resulting damage is always far greater than it would have been had they stepped up, in the beginning, and did their jobs.
22
Kind of too little, too late Frank. Yes you say the numerous enablers had no conscience. They are only covering their rears now because some brave girls now women did not become enablers like some many people in sports, MSU, the gov't and the media (the Ind. paper excluded).
While the money and fame were coming in, they did nothing despite the fact Nassar abuse was an open secret.
Enablers like M. Streep and H. Clinton and others did the same thing with Weinstein for yrs. until brave women like the Italian model did something about him.
The only person as bad as a predator is the enabler.
5
Another brilliant article by Frank Bruni. A sobering reminder that Nasser-like monsters will always be lurking. Parental vigilance and a healthy mistrust of adults who attempt to get too close to children and teens is paramount.
1
Adults with institutionally sanctioned access to minors must never be allowed to meet their charges alone, with the door closed; be they priests, coaches, doctors, psychologists, teachers, or whatever. Teams of at least two at all times, with no hierarchy between them and work partners changed often.
3
"Grooming. Such a chilling word. Such an apt one. Abusers introduce themselves as instructors and allies. They can lift your score. They can improve your grades. They can provide the guidance that you lack or the fun that you’re missing." As one of your COMMENTERS wrote on Rachel Denhollander's column - they can be a father -
Nancy Parker Englewood, FL 1 day ago
I took on my father. That took guts.
He molested me from a time I can't remember. I never remember being a virgin. He took that from me when I was so young I have no memory. My mom was complicit. I always took care of dad, his desires. I was his girl, I slept in his bed, and did what mom was supposed to.
After I left the house, at 17, doing what I needed to, to escape, by my wits, starting college at MSU early, my solace.
I am so angry that this man took away the solace that college can be for a young woman. That he abused them. That they thought they were safe, and they weren't. That they thought men would not hurt them anymore. That their dads, teachers, coaches, mentors were not going to get them anymore.
But they were wrong, the men came for them, and they were afraid and alone.
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THE PUBLIC wants to believe abusers, but abuse starts at home. That is evident. Even Virginia Woolf wrote that it starts at home....
When the authorities start prosecuting those "at home" from molesting children, children have a chance.
4
"An overwhelming majority of adults who treat, teach, coach and counsel children are nothing like these men. To distrust all of them would be a terrible mistake and grievous disservice, both to them and to the kids who stand to benefit mightily from their attention.
"But to find easy reassurance in the station that an adult possesses, the privileges that he bestows and the cause that he serves would be a greater mistake still."
The distance between those two paragraphs is the rub. As the old Muddy Waters song has it, "who do you trust?" His answer is "nobody." After 60 years of witnessing pedophile boy scout leaders in my church troop, the stories of why my high school wrestling coach hung himself, hearing muffled tales about a wrestling coach in my then congressional district just then running the first time for a seat that would lead him to become Speaker of the House, and all the stories of similar "youth leaders" that Bruni rightly cites, my answer to the trust question tends toward Muddy's.
The positives of these traumas like Nassar are that people are less naive and more careful, but a position of "trust but verify" really comes down to "don't trust, keep an eye peeled.
"It’s interesting that Sandusky’s name wasn’t more prevalent over the past week..."
That doesn't surprise me at all and it shouldn't surprise you, Frank. Most of the commentators on this issues have made it gendered, therefore boy victims are of no use to them in their quest for a political agenda that benefits girls and women. No one talks about "the brave boys and men" who endured abuse at the hands of sports coaches and Boy Scout leaders and priests.
The simple fact is that this country has no sympathy for boys and men. There is more outrage for a grown woman who has to endure bawdy jokes at the office or women who aren't nominated for Hollywood awards than for boys who have endured horrible, soul-killing abuse, sometimes over a period of years by people they trusted.
This is not the zero-sum game that too many women and their male allies turn it into. Showing sympathy and empathy for boys doesn't negate any thoughts toward girls. It's positively shameful that boys are now being treated as if they're future predators instead of the innocent children that they are. We have to educate the boys not to rape! Nonsense. Don't kill their souls and their spirits and show them the same love and sympathy you show girls and they won't turn against anybody.
6
Sometimes the monsters are female. I was sexually assaulted by a female anesthesiologist during surgery in 2012. (I'm an adult male.) My experience pressing my complaint exactly paralleled what we hear in these cases of males victimizing young people. People in official positions become deaf and resistant. They present exasperating obstacles to the changes needed to stop future abuse. I have since learned that sexual abuse by medical doctors is very common. The unique access and tools doctors have gives them exceptional opportunity to indulge their abusive perversions.
8
It can be agonizing when a child you're close to accuses someone else you're close to of inappropriate behavior. Especially when the child is very young. Are they overreacting to something totally innocent? Suppose they had a class at school that week that tells them they should report any touching they find uncomfortable. Is a tap on the backside to get a child out the door inappropriate if it's not done in anger?
At the end of the day, if a child makes an accusation, it's not up to the parent, the teacher, or any other adult the child may have told to determine whether it's true or not. It's the job of Child Protective Services to make that decision. That's why we have reporting laws. Everyone has heard horror stories of people who have been falsely accused and had their lives ruined because of a misinterpretation of a hug or kiss on the cheek. And no one wants to put someone they love in the line of fire. But if we don't trust the professionals to do their job, then we're in big trouble anyway.
And far more common than false accusations, are accusations that are made and not believed.
13
My wife is a first grade teacher. It is inconceivable, in this day and age, in her school in Maryland, that a professional teacher would consider giving a student a tap on the backside to get a child out the door. This is the age we live in. She never would initiate physical contact with a student, except in rare circumstances (two children are fighting, perhaps, and she needs to pull one away) and only when voice commands have failed to accomplish the task at hand. Sometimes her students come up and hug her. She doesn't push them away, but she doesn't do anything to prolong the contact, either.
No--I have never heard a horror story about the misinterpretation of a hug or kiss on the cheek.
Except that CPS and its equivalents have a -terrible- record, both of missing genuine abuse and of making false accusations.
So no, you can't trust the 'professionals', at all.
Thank you, thank you, for explaining how sex abuse is not "simply" between a pervert and his victim. It requires an environment, which you described so well. I think of all those in authority who didn't want to "ruin" the perpetrator or the institution so that dozens, hundred, thousands of children could be ruined instead. Our blindness toward sexual crimes has been naive, fear-based and unforgivable. "#MeToo" has provided the mudslide the velocity to start rolling and I pray that every molester is caught in its slime.
45
It should be noted that Paterno did not ignore the one report he received re Sandusky; the Sandusky prosecutor said he did everything right. Since then all conspiracy to cover up charges were dropped for all admins. Sandusky worked for The Second Mile as of 1999, not Penn State. Upon learning of Sandusky showering with a boy (Paterno was essentially told it was horseplay), and the AD reported to TSM psychologist, Dr. Jack Raykovitz, who told him to "wear swim trunks next time" he showered with a boy. See Kenneth Lanning's work, below, regarding pillar of the community offenders. (You may already be familiar with it.) I believe Louis Freeh had this information but chose not to use it. Also, there is more information about what really happened in the next link. That said, your article is SO important re educating about these predators. Thank you so much.
https://www.icmec.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Acquaintance-Molestatio...
https://jmmyw.wordpress.com/2016/03/04/when-the-scandal-broke-revisiting...
Back in 1986 when I started dealing with a childhood of sexual abuse by my parents, it was almost never mentioned anywhere.
Now we know "Child sexual abuse is not rare. Retrospective research indicates that as many as 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse before the age of 18."
http://nctsn.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/caring/ChildSexualAbuseFactSheet.pdf
Where are the adults? I mean the "good, repsonsible, caring" kind? It was somewhat understandable in the 1960's when my fourth grade teacher asked me what was wrong, and I looked her in the eye and told her, "I hate my father," that she took it no further. But what about now?
7
One of the unspoken ways of protecting children is acknowledging that anyone can be an abuser, including women and siblings.
Interested readers should see this article: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2009/nov/10/female-sexual-abuse...
4
I recently went for a physical, I was never alone with the Doctor, there was always a nurse in the room. I was never concerned about being abused, this was simply a procedure use by this Medical facility.Why wasn’t this employed wherever Children are concerned, especially where young girls are being examined, or for that matter where young boys are being examined.
9
Read "The Price of Raising an Army" by Rachel Denhollander in this same Sunday Review. She is the woman who first went to the police about Dr. Nassar. Ms. Denhollander states "Much of the abuse, mine included, took place with our own mothers in the room, their view casually blocked by Larry, his hand hidden under a towel, a sheet or loose clothing." This guy was cold and calculating. The girls didn't stand a chance.
5
Mr. Bruni, you write about Malcolm Gladwell's account of Jerry Sandusky's outsourced child predation, "Change 'child-care professionals' to gymnastics coaches and Gladwell could have been analyzing Nassar." He could just as aptly analogized "child-care professionals" to pimps, for that is what Sandusky's enablers were.
8
I speak as someone who learned a lot about child abuse, grooming and all the varieties of abuse of power forced on children, and how hard it is to open the eyes of adults who would rather not see, ears that would rather not hear---and to keep them open for any length of time. As a culture we are shocked and sickened and then we go back to normal life and denial. But normal life for other children is like a living hell. We just don't know about it until yet another scandal comes along, a scandal that is so bad it can't be hidden any longer, or is revealed by a courageous victim. It's up and down and up and down and we are shocked and amazed all over again. If we really valued children, which we don't, if we really were the adults and protected all children, which we aren't, we would listen to the researchers, then open our eyes and ears and call out all the times we almost see potential for grooming and abuse. When will we stop being surprised?
6
On reflection, the NYT has great writers in the male stable - Bruni, Friedman, Krugman, Cohen, and others but having read Dowd's last article on Melania, witnessing Haberman's rise to the the top like cream in the milk of the 30's
and Collin's eternal humor, when the press and the president finally square off at the OK corral
I am going to lean on those three women to save "the freedom of the press" for us all and that includes the 60 million who led us to this "last stand" ditch.
4
" Why is it not working in case of Harvey
Weinstein? "
ans. gray area when it comes the actions of to adult women.
2
Surprisingly, analysts like Bruni shy away from the science that applies to those like Nassar. Nassar’s primary diagnosis is apparently pedophilia. The American Psychiatric Association defines pedophilia as a sexual orientation, meaning it is not a matter of free choice. Its symptoms emerge at the time of puberty and there are many typical ways of acting out, most of which are deemed criminal.
The logical consequence of thie APA diagnosis is that pedophilia is a compulsion, Similar compulsions are generally classified as mental illnesses rather than crimes. That’s what science says. And, as with climate science, most were deniers until looking at the evidence more closely. If you care to align yourself with science, Nassar is severely mentally ill, not a monster. He should be confined in the mental health system, not a prison. And any judge who enthusiastically speaks of sentencing him to death should be recognized as a science denier extraordinaire.
6
I sincerely hope you're saying this just to get a rise out of people. Because if you actually believe it then I'm worried. Antisocial personality disorder is a mental illness as well, yet we still hold these people accountable for their actions. They know what they do is wrong, yet they continue to do it, and most attempt to hide what they do. They don't seek help. They don't remove themselves from potential victims. They don't do anything to indicate they feel they are in the wrong. That's not mental illness, that's criminal.
4
You may be right on the science, but you are wrong on the law. The most common legal definition of insanity is the inability to understand the difference between right and wrong and the inability to conform one's conduct to the requirements of the law. Having a sexual compulsion is not a crime; acting on that compulsion with non-consenting partners is a crime.
5
Or maybe a victim of pedophilia and a scientist, but you know, what do I know, I’m just a victim of pedophilia and I am a scientist....
I detest child molesters as much as the next person, but I don't know that we should be referring to them as "monsters." Perhaps "severely disturbed human beings" would be more appropriate, especially in a publication as "erudite" as the Times.
7
Once you identify someone as a monster, you don't have to care about them, you don't have to seek to understand them, and you don't have to see them as human. You just have to lock them up and throw away the key.
Which, of course, does nothing toward solving the problem.
1
Sure it does. Locking them up protects the innocent. Prison is less retribution and more defense. Social defense.
That's not a solution. When someone is sent to prison, a crime has already occurred and there are already victims. What I should have said, to be more clear, is that it does nothing toward preventing the problem.
Putting someone in prison only protects future victims. It does nothing for those who are already victimized, and it gets us no closer to understanding what is happening in those diseased brains so that we can keep people from getting hurt by them.
We deal with too many problems in America by reacting after the fact instead of putting our efforts and resources into prevention.
What is the difference between Donald Trump, Bill Cosby and Larry Nassar?
Will the law treat them equally for similar acts?
5
The difference is the age of the victims. Don’t conflate all sexual assault and pedophelia it makes your argument... I don’t know, I struggle to find a word other than gross. Spoken as a survivor of both #metoo
I understand the difference between adult and under age victims. That’s why I qualified the question by adding with “similar acts”. You’re missing the point of the question.
Perhaps if more parents talked with their kids about sex and their sexual organs and how nobody should be touching them that way, children would be able to say NO and or tell their parents. In part societys squemishness about talking about sex allows these creeps to get away with it.
7
But some children told their parents. They were not believed.
3
Anyone interested in how these predators get away with their crimes ought to read: Doc: The Rape of the Town of Lovell, by Jack Olsen. It's about an OB/GYN who got away with 'having his way' with countless women over many years. It is a most insightful account and a fascinating read.
3
And where are the parents? Who just drops their kid off with various "counselors" or whatever euphemism is used without knowing who these people are? In the 60s, there was a very engaged, very well gifted, very much in parishioners' lives RC Church and grammar school in Elmhurst, NY. Sports teams, plays, a youth center and many adult males "helping out". We were parishioners and our kids were involved and active. But. Something smelled wrong. Turns out three such helpers - one a one-time Novitiate - were constantly "chaperoning" all-boy outings with tales of "games" and touching around the campfire. Fortunately this generation of kids were not raised to be silent victims needing sheltering at every turn, and their radar was very good. Our son and his pals simply mocked these men - repeatedly and publicly - but the Diocese did nothing because parents in that era rarely took on their Parish. Most of our kids were saved by avoidance - some were not alas. The moral of the story and the lesson for parents are to not trust ANYONE in the cloth, the Rabbinic or organized Islam - these are the all-male predation clubs, primarily of the homosexual kind, and the leadership protects their crimes. Is it all of them? No. But it is widesperead enough for parents to exercise EXTREME skepticism. If you have alternatives, take them. Your kids' well being matters more than your affiliations.
5
Compound these horrors with a President who once espoused how he would just "grab 'em by....." Don't expect any empathy for the victims from the White House on THIS one.
19
Good article but not comprehensive enough; the most damning thing about this phenomenon is not the twisted immorality of the pedophile but the silence of authorities around him. Bishops, teachers, entertainment executives, university presidents, athletic coaches, etc, somehow grow mum when they get wind of this activity, or worse, actively ignore or enable it. That's the real mystery. And such phenomena aren't limited to abusive sexual crimes; think of the silence, bungling and "head in the sand" attitude of the "good Germans" when murderous and racist gangs, in the guise of political parties, overtook a highly cultivated and modern state for the purpose of Jewish genocide and world war!
11
This is so well written. Thank you.
7
Giving women the absolute right to terminate a pregnancy caused by a man whose child she does not want to bear seems to be a thing these ugly men fear most of all.
22
And also Mel Levine, MD, who seemed like a beam of light into the confusing world of learning disabled children. He turned education around and provided a roadmap for teachers and parents. Until he fell from his pedestal after many allegations of sexually abusing his patients. And committed suicide.
8
As far as I’m concerned, child abuse is just another manifestation of the “equality” issue. Having been raised in the foster care system I learned from situational observations that children are mostly seen as the property of their father or, in his absence, any other “blood” relative who is willing to take on the “burden” of being responsible for this far lesser human being who is incapable of caring for themselves. Therefore, this devaluation of their humanity status makes them, in primordial terms, “prey”, “fair game”, “low man on the totem pole”. Add to this form of patriarchal reasoning the title of “authority figure” and, BAM!, therein lies the perfect storm of “I can do this to you if I want because I am more important than you, higher up the ladder than you, one of “them” and you’re not, etc., etc., A child alone in a world of adult authority figures is akin to an astronaut who’s lost in Space. Children must be taught from a very early age that “trust” is a symbolic gift that we bestow only on those who treat us as equals and, that most basic of all “trusts” that we most often can count on ( especially when it comes to so-called authority figures ) is the ancient and reliable feeling you get in your gut when you get that creepy feeling that somethings just not right about this situation. ‘Teach your children well....”
7
Frank Bruni, taking exception to the judge, by listing a brief history of sexual abuse is a reminder that the problem is not uncommon.
Hannah Arendt, the German born Jewish American philosopher had firsthand experience battling the Nazis. When she walked into the Jerusalem High Court, on assignment for “The New Yorker,” to cover the trial of Adolf Eichmann and saw the wizened little man encased in a glass both—for his own protection—she thought, “No way is this man responsible for the deaths of six million Jews—he had extraordinary help from ordinary people."
She earned the enmity of people throughout the world by belittling the charges against Eichmann alone and, in doing so, coined the phrase “banality of evil.”
Her argument is that evil is not always measured in the enormous scale of total war but also occurs when ordinary people do not “think” before they act or do not act when faced with a potential crime. “By-standers,” she argued are as guilty as perpetrators.”
17
“Unthinking bystanders” characterizes but doesn’t answer the source of the moral cowardice motivating and governing the general populace in the face of Nazi gangs or a secular University president putting a blind eye to horrifying reports, be it Penn State or Michigan State!
Now it comes out that Hillary didn't fire one of these sanctimonious creeps when he made himself an impossible office-mate (while married to another to boot) to a young lady working on Hillary's 2008 campaign.
Where is the choice in the US?
1
Answer? There is none.
I read this piece with tears, party because like Bruni, #metoo , I KNOW this, growing up in UK where lofty titles such as SIR Jimmy Saville did the same to children and Right Honorable have been investigated but never prosecuted due the files going amiss.
I KNOW this because in my father's country where religion is key to social mobility & status, parents go on 'a moral holiday' when the signs of child abuse are right infront of their eyes, simply because of 'Rev/Dr/Sir' titles.
Let's Hope Bruni's brave piece wakes a lot of us up and out of our 'know your place' mindset.
7
This article was excellent - but it needs to be a two-parter. The first, which this article well illustrates is the diagnosis of the problem.
The second - hopefully to be written by this same person - would describe the protective tools that need to be implemented by institutions - and families - who wish to protect the victims from future occurences.
8
Infuriatingly and horrifically, there is a significant bias when it comes to gender and sexual orientation. For example, homosexuality is conflated with child abuse, and the Pope's initial response to priest abuse was to ban gay men from the priesthood. As if female victims didn't exist, let alone matter.
But it was the Catholic Church that formed the Magdalene Laundries. A series of penal institutions for young women thought to be sexually, not criminally wanton. That in and of itself a brutal, abusive legacy solely against females.
When women, especially teachers, sexually initiate a young male student, he's thought of as lucky and no harm done. It seems that no one is up in arms nearly as much when the victims of predators are females, as they are when they are boys.
A solution is to inform and educate the public about the dangers of such gender bias, extreme vetting of adults that work with children, and chaperones.
7
Please don’t begrudge the Judge her moment. Everyone’s soul is important to them.
2
I think there is no profession in the world more over-run with charlatans than "faith counseling".
19
As a Catholic, I attributed the ongoing abuse by priests to Catholic obedience and a tendency to not question or go against the priest. But in reading about the Nassar case, I ask the same question: where were the parents? ALL these cases of abuse, and many of them reported by the girls, and it went on for HOW long?
5
I, too, have many more questions about the parents of these girls. I wouldn't presume to judge or condemn with a broad brush. Abusers are at the same time incredibly brazen and incredibly good at covering their tracks, this is well known, so I am not - in a general sense - "blaming" the parents. Yet still I think there is a piece of parental responsibility here, common to all sports and obsessive pursuits a child may participate in. The parents have a special responsibility to extreme vigilance, knowing these subcultures are rife with abuse. (Is it even possible there are parents today who DON'T know this? Isn't it actually fairly obvious just from watching them perform? Any obsessive pursuit of excellence can easily be warped for a child, if some limits are not set, leaving them vulnerable to being taken advantage of by predators.) Again, I'm sure some truly were extremely responsible and loving parents and yet the abuse happened anyway. Others should examine their own role in hoping for a slice of the glory from making their child some sort of superhero - telling themselves they were helping her "pursue her dreams" but overlooking signs the child was in some distress - or was trained too well in HIDING any distress, in the name of discipline and sportsmanship or under the thumb of the coach psychologically in an unhealthy way. Not all, but some parents were actually enablers in this, I think, because of their own "dreams of Olympic glory" (not to mention money).
4
What you say about the parents is true. I am sure, however, that these folks will have to live with that burden of guilt for the rest of their lives. Their trial, punishment and sentencing has been personal. They will hang by their own thumbs in a form of self-inflicted pain forever. The larger issue are the coach or administrator who will just go onto the next thing and excuse themselves like the German generals at Nuremberg.
Parents witnessing the abuse are absolved of any responsibility. Amazing
2
To be fair, there's been no report any of the parents "witnessed" the abuse. Some parents were IN THE ROOM when it occurred, but they did not witness it. You have to remember that some people get away with monstrous abuse actually BECAUSE the abuser is so brazen. What normal person would think that because the doctor put a sheet between the mother's view and the child's body, that meant he intended to touch her sexually? It would just never even occur to most people. The very fact that they were allowed in the room during the "exam" would mean that suspicions about the doctor's intentions would probably never even enter their minds. And because in some cases the girls were too young to even understand what his supposedly therapeutic "manipulations" actually consisted of, it's not like they sat up and shouted "Hey! Stop that!" From what I've read, they lay compliant on the table as they had been trained and bit their lip if it hurt. That's basically the central element of the training - never complaining. So, as I wrote above, I do believe there is an element of parental enablement if not complicity in some cases, it's not because some of the mothers were actually in the room at the time - it's not fair to say they "witnessed" the abuse.
3
Will those adults who had knowledge of Nassar's horrendous acts and let him continue, be charged with a crime? Hopefully, as that would be a step in the direction of limiting these monsters in the future.
5
Tragedy happens when liberals are cowered by conservatives. Since the false accusations from the McMartin pre-school incident, liberals have been reluctant to make accusations for fear of accusing the innocent. Now, the pendulum will swing the other way.
4
It's not the accusations liberals worry about, it's the hysteria and mob-like behavior. Even Senator Gillibrand said she was "tired of making distinctions". And she wants to be President.
1
"We have a figure of authority and expertise who seemed to be, and sometimes was, actually helping kids, so that their inclination — along with the reflexes of their parents and of their abuser’s colleagues — was to defer to him, trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt."
Jim Clemente, former FBI profiler, said it better in his commentary written after the Sandusky revelation. These are "pillar of the community" figures which is the reason they get away with their crimes. They groom not only the child but also the parents and the community. The truth is that no one wants to believe there is a monster in their midst who they didn't detect.
It takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village groomed by a pervert to harm large groups of children. In the case of Sandusky, he'd groomed the state agencies of Pennsylvania who are in charge of looking out for the wellbeing of children to allow him to adopt six young boys, licensed his charity for young boys and then act as the conduit to deposit young boys in his charity. Unfortunately no one at those state agencies paid the price for aiding and abetting Sandusky instead Penn State paid the price financially and reputationally and with administrators going to jail meanwhile no one ever looked at the breakdown at the state level of expertise in the protection of children that allowed a pedophile to flourish with the state's help.
11
Yes, people forget how absolutely diabolically well laid the plans of these monsters can be. They are helped to escape detection by the fact that most normal people would never even imagine such a monstrous, detailed and deliberate scheme unfolding over many years and involving so many people, so structurally embedded in large and powerful institutions - most of the "villagers" ignorant of the actual crimes (though even if they didn't actually "know," they probably SHOULD have made it their business to know).
2
Bruni is spot on when he says that the likes of Larry Nasser are not few but many. And then he lists them all.
Guess what is common in all of those cases? The institution tries to shove the dirt under the rug so as not to cause a storm.
I am not giving the likes os Larry Nasser a pass, but his types will not, cannot, survive if only institutions looked beyond their noses and at the victims.
4
In the recently released (Oct. 2017) documentary, "One of Us", a formerly Hasidic teenager notes that he had been abused at a religious boys' camp as a youngster. As difficult as it must be for a young victim to deal with abuse in the secular world, my guess is that it is far more difficult for the victim to deal with this crime in insular Hasidic communities such as Borough Park, Crown Heights or Williamsburg, all just a subway ride from this newspaper's offices. In these communities, going to the public authorities is strongly discouraged and all too often, the crime is swept under the rug or the perp may flee to Israel. To make matters worse for the victim, his secular education may be very limited and expulsion from the religious community will expose him to a secular world that he is not prepared to handle. Google Chaim Levin and read about the education he never received and his story about being abused as a child.
6
that there are institutions and individuals who enable, for their own advancement, the “monsters” to pursue their lusts is a problem
that deeply corrodes our culture and wider social well being across all lines of gender, race, faith, economic status...and what do we do in the face of this? we, many of us employed by such institutions (media, entertainment, education, etc.), yell ourselves hoarse in the most petty of political bickers in our history...
1
Among the many horrifying aspects to stories about serial pedophiles, including Nassar and Sanduski, are the refusals of adult confidantes and institutions to believe the children and act quickly on that belief to bring the abusers to court. These deniers must be jailed for being accomplices to crimes, Until that is the law, they will continue to protect their personal interests over those of vulnerable children, and the sexual abusers will carry on.
6
The evil ones are the enablers who looked the other way. There is no punishment to extreme to exact justice from these miscreants.
3
Someone needs to investigate the medical profession, in general. I would predict a whole #MeToo movement would emerge if women openly shared how many of us have received an unnecessary breast exam, just because. It happened to me. University student health center. At 18. Blonde. Slim. Large breasts. Attractive to men. Innocent. Shy. Intimidated, as most folks are by doctors. Why the lengthy breast exam after which the doctor disappeared for quite some time before he returned to tell me he didn't know why my finger was swollen (Lyme's disease, not yet a diagnosed "thing" in the early 1980's.) Because I had a swollen finger. Made me hate doctors so much I avoided annual Paps. Cervical Cancer stage IIB at age 54. Radiation Oncologist: You need a breast exam, there are studies showing links to cervical cancer. Me: Umm, dammit, but OK, if you (Mr. Expert in charge of saving my life) say so.
Two days later, I asked my primary radiation oncologist, whom I trusted, if there was a link. He said NO! I told him what happened with the other radiation oncologist and what had happened when I was 18. He was not only sympathetic but made sure to always have a female in the exam room from then on. Maybe it was to protect himself from a lawsuit, but I think it was also to reassure me. I didn't care. I appreciated his honesty and empathy. Doctors wield a lot of power and influence over nervous patients, and I am certain more than a few have violated their oath to "First, Do No Harm."
4
In 1970 my first client working as a rehabilitation counselor in San Francisco was a pedophile man. 30 years later, just before my retirement, one of the last clients I supervised with a counselor in Ukiah, California was another pedophile man.
The second client had found a job as a security guard in a private girls school, perfect for him to molest innocent preteens. I directed the counselor to remove the client from that job before he had a chance to fulfill his mission.
Most of us come in contact with child molesters sometime in our lives. When this happens we need to steel ourselves to take action to protect the children who are targets.
You will never regret taking action against a child molester. It's the right thing to do!
12
Among the "religious", it's not just the Catholic priests. An evangelical 'preacher' invited me to enjoy a 'massage' after I arrived at his house alone. He worked as a teacher during the week, and told me many students enjoyed his attentions.
But then, we all know this. Sex predators put themselves where they have ready access to intimidated youngsters.
12
What is the common denominator between the discarded complaints of the female athletes abused by Nassar and the blackout of reporting by mainstream media of this year’s Women’s March? Institutional misogyny. Over a million women in the streets with many cities recording far greater numbers than the previous year dismissed as a special interest pink hat tea party. Complaints by women athletes to coaches and administrators were not deemed worthy of serious investigation. The patriarchy has a label for these women, “hysterical.” More than 150 young female athletes were allowed to be penetrated and sexually abused over a 30 year period by one man because he is a white, male doctor.
Overcoming sexism, like racism is a lifelong process. Feminism is not a trend or style fit for a T-shirt, or a static state. Feminist awareness for women reveals the personal as political, whereas for men, the political must translate to the personal. Take a lesson Aziz Ansari.
6
If only feminists cared about boys as much as they care about girls, it would be obvious to them that boy victims are also not believed, which is why the Catholic priest and Sandusky and Boy Scout abuse went on for years and years. But who cares about boys, right?
Along with outrage, there's been too much brainwashing, rationalizing and denial that's long been part of this sex abuse situation, with some wanting to avoid punishing the rich and powerful. That's what enables it to worsen.....then the 'monsters' see what they can get away with.
I wonder if some people unconsciously think that sex abuse, while regrettable, isn't really such a terrible thing....sex is a natural urge, but this just 'goes too far'. They can't see the reality of it.
Then toleration allows it to escalate. The abusers live in fantasy worlds of their own, with an attitude of arrogance, privilege, and dominance over others---the young, weak and defenseless. Very gratifying for warped personalities.
But as we see, that's true of political abuse of American citizens too. Arrogance, privilege and dominance.
4
In other words, we can't change human nature, as despicable as it may be. Americans slaughtering native Americans, Spaniards slaughtering Incas and Aztecs, Germans slaughtering Jews, Turks slaughtering Armenians, the list is endless and we will never know exactly why.
4
I was serving on the board of a local non-profit back in the 90s when one of the first priests (the first in the sense of a big media event) from the Boston area was charged with sexually abusing more than 100 boys and girls in the many parishes to which he was assigned. This monster in a white collar had been moved from one parish to another by a complicit clergy eager to hush up complaints about him.
The arrest was the topic of the morning's coffee klatch before the meeting began. During one of the most chilling eavesdrops of my life, I heard the Catholic board president say to another Catholic board member about the scandal: "Eighteen months and everyone will have forgotten about this, 20 months tops."
Your column makes me so happy that he was wrong. thanks
11
My daughter was a nationally ranked usag gymnast and experienced sexual and emotional abuse. After that we found her a gym and coach who rejected that approach. She still suffered depression and suicidal thoughts even after she was safe; her new coach was part of her healing. So there are many good souls out there. I think that youth sports needs a major overhaul. I had incredibly talented kids. My other daughter is a professional ballerina. They should be allowed to be amazing withought he threat of assault.
9
“I think that youth sports needs a major overhaul.“ Totally agreed—especially the aesthetics of women’s sports like gymnastics and figure skating. The body type these sports hold up as the standard is utterly unrealistic—and impossible for women to meet once they develop physically. Why do these sports define grace, power, and beauty as a pubescent look? And why should women have to age out faster than their male counterparts when the former are at their peak of experience and training?
2
Sexual abuse of a chid is horrific to most of us. But there is damaging abuse that is not sexual. some of it is bullying, some of it is very subtle.
In wondering about how a person could justify to themselves any abuse of any person, I asked myself how it feels to abuse. Does a sexual predator feel wonderful while abusing? Are abusers emotionally disconnected? Or are they profoundly emotionally vulnerable from being abused, and abusing some one else gives them a momentary feeling of power to salve their vulnerability?
Are we, as humans simply wired for desiring power? And what is different about those who never abuse anyone?
4
What's really stood out for me is the difference in public reactions to Nassar's & Sandusky's crimes. Starting w/Sandusky's arrest in 2011 & continuing for a year or more, commentary by the public (including many comments in this newspaper) called for closing the university, burning down the university, condemnation of every Penn State employee, student, & alum, & even comments like "I'd never hire a Penn Stater." In contrast, I've seen no comments about closing or burning down MSU, or blaming everyone associated w/MSU. I wonder why there's such a difference...
6
I think the Detroit papers are reporting more of these demands. The national press isn’t reporting on Nassar as much as they did Sandusky
"Catastrophic abuse fatigue"? Kind of like school shootings. Yep, another one (yawn).
Also, much credit to The Indianapolis Star.
Do any of these atrocities surprise me? Absolutely not. We are Americans. We have other events like this ALL THE TIME. Mass shootings. School shootings every week. Women who have been sexually abused performing their jobs. Parents who chain their children to beds, abuse them, and starve them FOR YEARS. You can find these events every day in your newspaper. This was about power. The perpetrators knew the coaches, parents, and athletes themselves were so desperate to stay on the train to fame and fortune they didn't want to believe what was happening right before their eyes. And they were right. Oh they got the fame and fortune all right. To ALL Americans I say this: this will not stop. Because we are not willing to stop it. Think about the effectiveness of the "See something, say something" campaign and how quickly the investigative wheels start turning when a report of terrorism comes in. But for all the scandals and tragedies mentioned, it hits the paper, there is outrage, and then a return to business as usual. A clean up in aisle 6. We are a very sick people. We are terrified some foreigner will come here and try to kill us. But we just shake our heads when we are the perpetrators. This happened because "they let you do it to them". Just deny it and give them what they want. They will hand you a mulligan. Over and over again.
5
The institution is always greater than the individual that goes for the church, the boy scouts, the football team, the university, the army and even the family. So whether it is a blind eye or active coverup, the institution will do whatever it takes to survive and throw the baby out and in the end keep the bathwater.
5
Elevating professional sports or churches or professional titles to a near unassailable status enables abuse and justifies too much. The money, PR value, lucrative legal contracts, etc make institutions complicit. Time to get sports out of education. It is not like that in other countries. And look who the Patriots owner and coach supported politically. Yeah, ok with complicit. It is a mentality to look the other way.
7
The children who are heavily involved with sports and the church are also vulnerable because they've already been subjected to other forms of abuse - emotional and physical. In the case of gymnasts, we know that the coaches yell at them, call them fat, underfeed them, and overwork them. Sometimes their own parents do too. So when they came to Nassar bruised and battered, he was the perfect person to say "there, there". Churches also torment children with the fear of God and at times, corporal punishment. So when a priest says something along the lines of "stick close to me and God will look favorably upon you", the child doesn't know what to think anymore. Perhaps if we undo the physical and emotional abuse in the gym and the church, the sexual will be less likely to happen.
10
Sandusky and Paterno (as well as faculty member from my high school) came immediately to mind for me in the context of an "institution so invested in its own reputation and unwilling to be distracted from its wider mission" that its members put their own careers ahead of the safety and well being of children. Monsters like Sandusky and Nassar depend on the complicity of those around them, and while the Paternos and Karolyis of the world may escape criminal punishment, they deserve every bit of scorn we can lay on them.
1
The largely unexamined aspect in the Nasser and so many similar child abuse scandals is the part played by parents of the victims. How did they not notice, or choose not to notice, the effects of the abuse on their offspring? Were they blinded by the potential rewards of their child's success? Were both parents and children too caught up in the sport industry's ruthless culture of winning? Were they they too willing to allow strangers to become authority figures in the lives of their children because of their own failings as authority figures? In many of these cases, whether they involve coaches, physicians or religious or educational mentors, the abuse went on for years. Where were the parents?
2
In Michigan, the safeguards of society are failing. I see it around me every day, and am appalled by the corruption. Consider the officials who should have prevented Pb poisoning in Flint but switched water sources without properly treating water then covered up the Pb contamination and lied to citizens. Children have been poisoned because of this failure. Or the officials who should have insisted that Enbridge pipeline company shut down a problematic pipeline before it ruptured but allowed it to continue operating until the massive Marshall spill. For years, Larry Nassar was allowed to keep assaulting young girls until some of those girls found a way to cut through the insanity. Michigan just doesn't seem to be able to protect vulnerable people from the unethical people in power. Perhaps Michigan just hasn't been able to adjust to the economic losses of the last few decades and it somehow thinks looking the other way and covering up is the only way forward. But, the whole state just needs to change in a fundamental way to do what's right rather than what is expedient. Children first. People first. Corporations and powerful entities second.
6
That falls on the people of Michigan. They are the ones who have put Republicans in charge of the state. Profits Over People is practically the entire Republican platform.
3
I haven’t read all the comments but I notice that none of those I read mention sex education. We are irrational to think we can protect our children from predatory people and not educate them on their right to demand respect for the integrity of their body and personhood. Start early and never stop giving them a growing knowledge of what a healthy and wholesome sexuality and intimacy is. Of course this assumes the parents understand what that is too. It amazes me that we pour so much time energy and money into the athletic development of our children but never teach them to respect their own personhood. Instead we teach them that they can’t trust their own judgement they can only trust what the ‘coach’ or ‘priest’ or ‘teacher’ says is so. Many of the parents felt uncomfortable with the coaching and the ‘Dr’. but allowed the organization to take over their job of protecting their children. If a parent feels uncomfortable with what is happening then there is something going on that is not right. Say something do something.
90
You make a very good point but respecting your own personhood also involves respecting your emotional and physical pain. But parents of elite gymnasts teach the opposite, telling their prodigies to be strong and deal with it when the coaches scream and belittle, and when their bones are broken and everything hurts. How can children learn to respect their bodies sexually when their emotional and physical selves are battered?
2
I agree with the idea of respecting one's personhood. I find it very disingenuous though of a public that continues to blame institutions while letting the parents completely off the hook. I've seen demonstrations about MSU's supposed deep culture of allowing sexual abuse, perpetrated by coaches who've shown very clearly in the past that they're tough on student athletes who commit such crimes, all the while the parents walk off pretending to be victims themselves. I find it improbable that the so called "survivor sister moms" of these women, many of them in the room with Dr. Nassar during these assaults, were oblivious to the perhaps nuanced uneasiness their daughters felt. That one would blame an entire University, an entire US Gymnastics Committee, coaches, and even sports trainers and then leave the main people meant to protect these women, their parents, completely off the hook is beyond my comprehension
2
Grooming is violently coercive. The reason is that, at some point, the abuser lets the victim know that they are vulnerable, the abuser knows they are vulnerable, and the victim must acquiesce because the abuser holds all the cards. This is the moment of transition, and it is a reflection of personality and not deeds. It is the payoff.
The problem is that detecting abusers cannot be left to police and the courts; they are limited by standards of evidence, by deeds and acts that leave traces. To meet the burden of proof there must be victims -- sometimes hundreds -- and that is not good enough.
So prevention requires a form of awareness about personality, a scale that quantifies manipulativeness with a great deal of reliability. This is a very high standard, but we've seen over and over that, once an abuser is exposed, many people around him or her were aware of their "tendencies," their repeated record of gathering potential victims in closer and closer. So it is not an impossible task, just difficult. A large part of this is understanding that self-hate is the abuser's calling card and they will join societies and subsets -- priesthood, "community leader," pastor, church elder, youth sports medicine, etc. -- that simultaneously mitigate and enable their self-hate and appetites.
The reality is that these abusers are not hard to spot; their entire lives are dedicated to hiding in plain site. We just need to be skeptical and not wait for a crime to occur.
3
Interesting, thank you. And it seems like some people naturally have some radar for this, but many others do not. Perhaps depending on their own early relationships at home with parents or other authority figures. I have always noticed that in many organizations there is someone whom others view very positively - as kind, generous, eager to "help" others (often this person is very charismatic or has a very forceful personality) - but I get a bad feeling about the person. Sometimes I could be being paranoid, but I also think some people just pick up signals that others don't.
2
A number of comments urge schools to develop programs to teach young girls how to recognize, avoid and report inappropriate speech, behavior and touch from the adults around them. This is surely right and reasonable.
But where is the suggestion that we also teach young boys that they have to keep their hands to themselves? When will we tell them what sexual harassment is? When do we promise them that if they grow up to be sexual predators, they will do down?
Seriously, why are we letting little boys grow up to be men like Trump and company?
2
We also need to teach young boys about inappropriate touching. They too are abused. Did you forget?
3
I hope you don't have sons. Treating young boys like perpetrators and warning of grave punishments only creates more confused and angry boys who act out as men. And I'll remind you that not all victims are female. You might try a little love and empathy, but that doesn't feel as good a self-righteous anger, does it? These are children we're talking about.
2
I agree with everything Frank said.
But I also feel like we "non-monster" men cannot any longer act in normal, ordinary ways without the risk of being misjudged or even accused of something untoward.
So many men coach youth sports. I did, for several years when my kids were young. If I were coaching now, I'd be afraid to hug a kid to celebrate a soccer goal, or even speak to someone else's kid without a third party present as a witness.
At work, I now have to carefully assess situations when I need to coach or deliver bad news to a female employee, to determine whether I should have a third party present as a witness.
If I want to reach out a hand to a kid I know without a dad by taking him or her to a ball game or fishing, I have to wonder whether someone would think I have some evil ulterior motive.
I realize commenters are going to say I am overreacting. But whether they like it or not, many men feel this way. I have heard friends talk about it. Monsters like Nassar and Weinstein need to be slayed. But we also have to carefully consider how we react to what they've done, so we do not inflict massive collateral damage on the everyday relationships that demonstrate our decency and kindness--and our humanity.
5
You're not overreacting at all. What you're talking about is the reason there are virtually no male teachers left in our elementary schools, and therefore no male role models for our boys. There has been a frenzy whipped up and promoted by our news media (including the NYT) whose narrative is that men are dangerous. It's shameful and terribly irresponsible and has damaging consequences to our society, but we're apparently not ready to see that yet. The bandwagon shows no sign of slowing down.
2
I understand your concerns and think they're genuine. But I think they have solutions if you apply a little creativity. Perhaps some aspects of our culture have to change, with this new awareness. Probably you really shouldn't take a boy fishing alone, just the two of you. But perhaps you could take two or three boys fishing, if one or more of the mothers, or a female teacher, agreed to come along as well. I know it breaks with the whole "importance of male bonding" thing - but surely there are other ways to help fatherless boys. Abandon the "just you and me for the whole day" scenario and create some new ones. It can be done. For one thing, sadly there are MANY fatherless boys. There are many ways to do group activities where you may show special attention to a fatherless boy, yet others are physically present and you are protected from unfounded accusations. These substitute father/son things do not have to take place where it is just the two of you all alone somewhere out in the woods, especially overnight. There is also the possibility of recording cameras. Film the whole thing. Just a few suggestions.
1
Frank Bruni is sadly correct. After witnessing Nassar's behavior in the courtroom it was absolutely clear that there is not a sorry bone in his body. How could there be? You would have to be at least somewhat human to experience that emotion and no one could behave as he did, year after year, and fit that description.
But yes, Nassar was able to masquerade as his opposite because he played to an agenda of others that allowed him to function as a concealed predator. Whether it was U.S.A. Gymnastics, or the MSU Alumni program that relies on athletic success to generate "spirit" and related contributions and influences administrative responses, or coaches anxious for the medals that bring them eager team members - there is a whole, sick, symbiotic network that places money, position, and income over the welfare of children.
You will never fix people like Larry Nassar. You can only lock them away. The larger question is can you fix the larger society in which individuals like Nassar swim like sharks on the prowl?
2
The problem of child molesters in American society and their close association with institutions which deal in one way or another with the raising of children, these institutions of course attracting child molesters as fertile grounds of activity, grounds which provide proximity to children?
This is an astoundingly complex problem, one I have never seen analyzed according to multiple perspective. On one hand we have the concept of raising children, the need, ideally, to educate them properly in body and mind. On the other hand we have adults who in their association with children must remain profoundly separate in the sexual sense from children, indeed separate up to arguably the 21st year of a person's life. And of course if sexual contact does occur between adult and child it is interpreted as the adult exploiting the child, the adult satisfying his or her needs at the expense of the child.
Furthermore, virtually any type of contact between the MIND of the adult and the MIND of the child is allowed in society, which is to say an adult has virtually open ground to form a child's mind any way he or she likes and this mind process goes on all through life. Furthermore this mind process DOES influence the child sexually, influence the human body growing up: We tell the child this or that sex behavior (age of onset, gender, orientation) is right or wrong often turning the child into a bundle of confusion.
Meaning we have little real idea how to educate in body and mind.
You didn’t explain how parents literally witnessed the abuse and said nothing to law enforcement. Some parent’s excuse that the Defendant “positioned” himself so they couldn’t see is completely implausible. Also why don’t you start a campaign to convince people with knowledge of child and sexual abuse talk directly to prosecutors or law enforcement. Talking to a coach or administrator is useless. They can’t put someone behind bars. I don’t want people fired, I want the public protected by incarceration .
2
Power over people intrinsically offers opportunities for abuse as medics abuse their patients' bodies, lawyers their clients' money, workplace supervisors their underlings' day etc.
The resulting individual spectra of physical, psychological and material damage defy complete assessment.
The Ghosts of all kinds of "Larry"s Past, Present and Future are among us for sure and it is unfortunate that every story will not be told.
1
Pedophiles are extremely skilled at getting themselves into positions where they have access to children/teens. That's a major theme and lesson from the high profile and more local cases we've seen reported.
I agree that educating children, monitoring the adults who have access to them, and actively listening to them is a line of defense.
The fact that Nassar was able to abuse well over 100 girls over a period of decades is shameful and an indictment of USAG, MSU, coaches, etc. The enablers must suffer some punishment as well. USOC is culpable here as well.
5
I've been struck by how young women, who by their youth and inexperience are deemed less than reliable reporters, are ignored when they report on inappropriate behavior of older men who have obtained positions of authority, that make they considered trustworthy.
5
Understanding your rage about the criminal intent of child molesters is one thing; another is taking action before it occurs again in the future. This may be extended to the abuse of power in the sexual arena in multiple scenarios where certain authorities deceive their victims, claiming validity in their perversity; be it in school, hospitals, the 'military', even janitors, restaurant and hotel supervisors, undocumented workers in the field, etc. Attending classes at work to 'teach' to prevent abuse is roo little too late. We need audiovisual checks in real time whenever there are gatherings supposedly to instruct youngsters in their tasks, be it sports or religious attendance or professional duties, so those perverts we cannot weed out before they join forces may be dissuaded from acting on their sick impulses...upon potential victims unaware of their intentions.
Perhaps sexual predation on children is very much part of our society, which values youth and scorns age, and in which success is defined by getting what you want and selfishness (DJT, for example), rather than integrity and compassion. It surprises me that more parallels have not been drawn with British soccer, or the scandal-after-scandal amongst parliamentary and entertainment figures there (Jimmy Saville and Cyril Smith, for example). The vulnerable in our world, including children, animals, and the poor, are scorned and seen as legitimate targets for abuse and exploitation. And those of us damaged by sexual predators know one thing - no one really cares at all.
1
I know coming forward publicly is tough but in the internet age it is very easy for one victim to anonymously reach out to other potential victims to search for other abuse cases. These gymnist associations have directories with the contact information of the young gymnasts, coaches, administrators etc. Their phone numbers and mailing addresses are generally listed. You can create a Facebook group and kids do this all the time for parties and to connect with people with similar interests and problems. When a victim knows there are others out there, they can be convinced to come forward as a group (as they very willingly di at the trial). As an example, I bet with one day of work I can get a message through to 400 of the 500 top female figure skaters in the US without them knowing my identity. A private detective or lawyer would do this for a few thousand dollars and if they saw a class action would do this initial work for free. Many of these girls were teenagers at the time but not ten years later when it was still going on. But of the 160 female victims, it appears few or none made a real effort to do this. Same with Wienstien. You can connect with a lot of people and make a lot of noise without revealing your identity but no one seems to have made the effort. Weird.
It is good that the various untouchable institutions, churches, Scouts, Big Sports, are finally being touched. And it is good that those who covered up the abuse within the institutions are starting to be identified.
However, the underlying foundation for this enduring mutilation of so many young lives is the culture and state.
I grew up in a rural town in California. The next burg over, but one, was Modesto, the inspiration and filming location of "American Graffiti". Given the ubiquity of abusive Central Valley culture--- and I suspect strongly, subterranean American culture in general---I don't doubt that teenage life in Modesto was much different than in my town.
I have always looked on this film as charming, but also as a lie about our teenage world. A celebration of the "happy days" of our adolescence needs to include the happenings in a darkness which shrouded abusers with impunity.
Two of our four Scout troops had sexually-abusing Scoutmasters. The police sent them on to the next town.
We were physically abused for two hours in a jock initiation, and then driven away for an hour of sexual abuse, including the forced near-rape of one boy by another. The Establishment winked.
My girlfriend's step-father had molested her from 9 to 12. I turned him in. That got me a police suggestion that I could be busted for statutory rape. As it turned out I wasn't. But he wasn't busted either.
Perhaps a Truth and Reconciliation process for such general abuse?
1
Why did the children stay quiet? Why did they for years feel they could not talk about what had been done to them? I have not heard this issue raised in all the various pedophile scandals, and it needs to be addressed if we are to stop the psycho/emotional scars caused by child sexual predators.
The shrinks can debate how it happens, but pedophiles will always be with us. We cannot, nor should we, spend every minute with our kids, especially as they get older. We need to talk to them about pedophiles and what they should do if they encounter one. I had the conversation with my six year old over twenty years ago. It wasn't that hard to do.
2
The children complained. No one listened.
3
A few studies have recently been done indicating that pedophilia is not a choice. In other words, a pedophile’s attraction to children is part of their sexual nature, just as heterosexuality or homosexuality are part of other people’s nature.
The point is that pedophiles cannot change their nature and cannot be rehabilitated. This is why pedophilia is such a difficult problem for society to deal with.
I am in no way excusing what Nassar did to the hundreds of girls he abused, but merely pointing out that the problem with pedophelia is more complex than we might suppose.
2
I noticed a piece on the news which chilled me. At the end of her testimony, one of the gymnasts asked Nassar to say he was sorry to her. He looked at her and mouthed "I'm sorry" to which she said "Thank you". He has a hold on her still. Did anyone else see this?
It could have just been her extreme training in politeness and deference to authority (even disgraced authority). But it does make one wonder whether there may be MORE victims who have not come forward, who still feel some loyalty to him.
I would have been grateful for Mr. Bruni's suggestions on how to get on the front end of an enduring compulsion of men such as Nasser, Sandusky and the priests he studied. It appears to be a sickness -- treatable or not. The crimes lie with the church and school officials.
1
People must overcome the innate (species' inherited ) bias for authority worship.
Not sure how to achieve that.
where were the other medical professionals during all of nassar's acts? i am surprised to have seen no mention of nurses, colleagues etc in the reporting i have read on this.
3
The other cover Nassar and Sandusky had was that they were married. I don't want to vilify the wives here, but at some level, perhaps even unconsciously, there is collusion or enabling. Call out that relative who is too cosy with a minor at family gatherings. Make them aware if they cannot see it themselves. Women working nightshift, are your children safe? Youth group leaders, what are your motives?
3
Nassar also has three kids—two daughters and a son.
In Feb 2010, a call came to my wife at work - our 26-year-old daughter needed to be picked up immediately 20 minutes into her appt with her psychiatrist, a 65-year-old male MD who'd been treating her for 5 months. Few psychiatrists see patients for therapy now - my daughter had been thrilled to meet this esteemed physician, who also happened to be the brother of a family friend. My daughter needed therapy, as she had been struggling severely for 4 years after a horrible double rape at age 22, and after moving to a new city, the brother of our family friend had volunteered to meet her and refer her to a therapist. Instead he decided to treat her himself, which was fine until he did something else altogether. Under guise of treatment, he also sexually assaulted her. She pushed him away and ran away, not sure of what else to do. In short, she complained to board of medicine, and his license was suspended, but 3 years later, after a hearing with the medical board, he was given his license back with a mere warning! A judge decided, unilaterally, that she could not PROVE without a doubt that he'd raped her. The doctor had hired a big-wig attorney for his defense, a private eye to dig into the sexual history of my daughter, and then lied to the judge about what he'd done (even after initially apologizing the day after to my wife, who is also a physician). In short, this monster was allowed to go free, and possibly do it again someday. All we could do was move away!!.
6
Of course it is not ALL men. But we have ascertained that the complaints women and children are seldom taken seriously. So until all the good males of our species watch for, out, and shame the evil men, nothing will change.
3
What I have yet to see much discussion of is the historical context and how societies views of pedophilia have evolved. In my youth I was sufficiently warned and instructed by my parents about how to identify a pedophile and thus avoid victimization.
The difference in those days was that along with the church and scouting hierarchy being aware oft these predators , much of public at large knew about them as well. Many parents, perhaps including my own, never gave much consideration to the horrific, life changing damage to a child who was molested. And if they did, they never said anything as all parents today should warning their children of the grievous consequences of victimization. Hence, in too many cases even if it was roundly suspected that a scout leader or priest was likely a pedophile, often no action was taken.
Here's an extreme example of a 1940's attitude: A former partner of my father's actually joked about his own six-year old boy accepting money from a child molester for a sex act. Concern about how that would affect that child's life was never that parent's consideration.
Society is thankfully well past that particular aberation, but when just in the last few days we read that that our military does little to stop the widespread practice in the Afghan military of child sexual abuse, we see there is still a long way to go.
3
Never mind the abstract connections and parallels to the Sandusky case—how can Michigan State and the US gymnastics association have seen all that coverage and not doubled back to make right what they must have known they had gotten wrong? As Penn State unfolded, there are those who had investigated Nassar who must have had second thoughts, realising that they had passed a predator on to other victims. Knowingly, or at least with enough doubts that they should have gone back.
May we as a culture continue to try to do better for ourselves and the kids who are vulnerable to these predators.
Both of these serial abusers were parts of competitive sports programs and took advantage of the irrational hero-worship that these programs produce.
If we left sports to informal, child-organized, sand-lot games (without coaches, leagues or record-keeping) there would be no opportunity for abusive adults to use them to find victims. Gymnastics, in particular, attracts men with an unnatural interest in little girls. Abolish it. Football should be abolished because of the brain damage it produces, aside from its providing a source of little-boy fans for perverted coaches to molest.
1
In a few weeks I will be attending the criminal trial for a serial child molester facing scores of criminal sexual assault charges against young girls. His cover was that of music teacher, but the methods were largely the same as those mentioned in the article.
They are everywhere; and because of this fact I never trusted my own children's welfare to any adult or organization composed of men who were focused on the young. As a direct result, my children made it safely to adulthood.....
3
There has been mention that some of the abuse happened with parents in the room. Understandable if parents don’t know what is to expected i.e. what’s proper and what’s not during a routine pediatric exam.
Perhaps the American Association of Pediatrics (or whatever the actual name of the organization is) should make available in print/online the protocols accepted for pediatric exams that are routine with specifics for boys and girls, and specifics for athletic exams vs other kinds of pediatric exams. An “educated” parent standing next to the doctor (rather than on the other side of the exam room) can spot “irregularities “ pretty quickly. That fact alone should stop any wayward doctor from even attempting an abusive manipulation. A little preemptive education can go a long way in stopping this abuse, even if it’s one patient at a time.
68
I thought it was common practice for a second person (usu a female) to be present in the room for the invasive pelvic or anal exams regardless of the age of the patient.
In this case, these were not routine pediatric exams. Who would know enough about physical therapy for elite athletes to feel comfortable criticizing what he was doing? Especially given his reputation? The parents were in over their heads, as were the victims.
1
Thank you for this article. These have been my thoughts all week. This is not unusual. Until we give women and children the same power in society that we ascribe men, this will continue. Great article.
18
I want to focus on something broader than Frank’s specific theme here.
Nassar, Sandusky, predatory priests – these are all the more determined and more outrageous and patently criminal outliers of what is increasingly appearing to me to be a basic dysfunction among men. The uncle who everyone knows not to let young nieces close to, the guy who operates the local 7-Eleven who can only get guys and economically-desperate women to work there, the iconic producer who can’t keep his hands to himself, the business executive who trades professional favors for other favors. So MANY other “types” we’ve been forced to recognize and to protect the innocent from. It’s hardly new and not an “epidemic”: it seems endemic.
It’s not excessive in all men, and many sublimate it effectively by the laborious process of building character over a lifetime; or by religious strictures taken seriously. But, even casually and not criminally, it seems to exist to some extent in most if not all men.
If this is true, that it’s THIS woven into the fabric of male reality … what do we do about it? Just complain? Merely anecdotally punish the Lassars and Weinsteins and Catholic priests we eventually catch at the MOST predatory acts?
This issue deserves a frank and tough national discussion, and part of that discussion needs to be the levers we lose to sublimate and control such behavior when we make culture and communal values targets of relativism and contempt.
73
The Catholic Church defends traditional morality and condemns relativism. This did not save the altar boys. It did make it impossible for them or anyone else to publicize or correct the situation. To question the commitment of the authorities to virtue was to threaten the foundations of civilization; it introduced relativism and contempt.
The traditional levers we used to control behavior controlled protest against the authorities. It controlled their behavior only to the extent that their behavior was kept private and covered in public by hypocrisy, and often the hypocrisy was transparent. Everybody who matters knows that the emperor is naked, but it is the recognition of his magnificent attire that keeps civilization operating and preserves the position of the authorities, the rich and powerful.
The relativism and contempt for traditional values is a step toward replacing them with something better. This replacement is necessary not primarily because they are morally flawed but because they are rigid and blind, unable to fix ongoing problems or adjust to new circumstances because they view all basic criticism as relativism and moral decay. When things do not work, their response is to try harder; this worked so well in Vietnam, Prohibition, the war on drugs, the fight against homosexuality, the suppression of premarital and extramarital sexual activity, and penalizing people for being lazy for not working when there is a shortage of jobs.
31
C-3p0:
Good arguments for not letting respect for culture and communal values go so far as to blind us to or make excuses for predatory behavior.
NOT very good arguments to support the obvious contention that if a cultural or moral framework contains SOME exculpatory blindness, that the ENTIRETY of that framework must be destroyed and replaced perforce by we know not what; and something that hasn't taken centuries to develop wisdom incrementally and experimentally.
My problem with your arguments isn't that they contain NO reason, because they contain SOME: it's that your approach to ripping down traditional frameworks requires revolution that if successful leaves most WITHOUT governing principles for a LONG time, as we re-create them from scratch in heated debate; and utterly exhausted from the fight and unable to focus on doing anything else.
Clearly, an incremental process in underway and is effective in purging frameworks of their worst influences, to the extent that ANY frameworks can reliably prevent those predatory outliers -- as an example, the Church has suffered a body-blow to its assumed beyond-suspicion status, and may never recover as priests and even bishops are hauled into courts of law to answer for predatory acts and their facilitation.
The purpose of culture and moral frameworks is to provide the vast majority of humans in a national community, not just its elites, handholds on reality and defined limits. We simply erase them and we risk Nazi Germany.
3
“Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.”
—— Christopher Hitchens
Humanity will be infinitely better off without the scourge of Biblical-Toranic-Koranic Concussive Syndrome weighing down common sense, reason and IQ like the devastating anvil on thought it is, Richard.
“Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”
—- Steven Weinberg
16
We must learn once and for all that large organizations that thrive on fanaticism are dangerous to vulnerable children. This applies equally to churches and colleges, by far the worst offenders.
58
Colleges thrive on fanaticism? Um...how, exactly?
1
Except children do not go to college or should not
Pedophiles are attracted to places with children in the same way animal predators lurk near watering holes. A pedophile goes where he can find access to victims. The advantage large organizations have for child molesters is the tendency of large organizations to be more concerned with their reputation than with the welfare of any individual.
Right you are Mr. Bruni. I have worked with sexual assault so the horrifying story is not at all shocking to me. Assaultive behaviors commonly go on for decades starting in childhood. But what is stunning about this case is that this may be the first time the convictions are for the abuse of something perhaps close to the number of victims- at least in that context. I'm not sure I've ever seen that before. Think of it: for each rapist so many people with fear, depression, sexual dysfunctions, shame and problems with trust...and think of the the impact on all the people that love them...
Janet O'Hare, LCSW
70
There are monsters everywhere. When I was in grade 6 a new girl arrived one day. She was a couple of years older than the rest of us, lived in foster care, and had a baby boy. When asked about the baby, she said very matter of factly that her dad was his dad. She left our school a short while later. I can't remember her name, but still occasionally wonder how her life turned out.
82
Larry Nassar and Bill Cosby used the same tactic to entice, then abuse their victims, which was trust. Nassar's crimes were most egregious because many of his victims were as young as six years old. Somehow, her persuaded these youngsters that he had their best interests at heart. He would take care of them. He would watch over them. He would nurture them.
Cosby promised career upward mobility and opportunities for young women that he, as an industry insider, could provide on request. These women trusted him and were flattered by his interest in them. As many as fifty lives were destroyed in his wake as he moved from victim to victim with promises and career breakthroughs and the realization of their hopes and dreams. Cosby was confronted in court by only one of his victims but the many others who suffered Cosby's indignities also deserved to be heard as well. When Cosby has his day of reckoning, I hope the judge at his trial is Judge Rosemarie Aquilina.
People like Nassar can even be found in homes where young children can be at risk of abuse by guardians or adult friends of family members. These predators are familiar so the child let's his or her guard down because they know and trust the adult. What may protect the predator is the guilt and shame felt by the victim who was enticed into a compromising situation. Trust and manipulation by abusive adults can be as deadly as a loaded gun for children and grown women.
58
Keep in mind that some of those children were six and eight years old and that he was a doctor. Even worse, many of these children were accompanied by their parents. Why did they not ask any questions, get a second opinion, talk to other parents? The children didn't let their guards down; they were often too young to know what was right and what was not. And among the older children their isolation from people they could turn to was unconscionable. The Karoli Ranch seems more like a cult organization than a training center. Isolation, control of food, exhaustion, and a situation where many competed for a few places at the top of a merciless system was the ugly underpinning of this sport. The gymnastics industry, Michigan State University and yes the media that glorifies gymnastics every four years let them down. The beauty of what they could do has taken a huge physical price both in terms of physical injuries and then in sexual abuse. Let's be clear: the blame doesn't lie with children; it lies with the adults who didn't protect them. And just like Penn State and the Catholic Church there is a whole business infrastructure that supported this monster even as his behavior was hiding just below the surface.
1
I told my daughters early on that absolutely nobody was allowed to touch their private parts. If anyone ever did, they were to tell me immediately, regardless of who that person was. I also told them that if they were ever uncomfortable around someone, they should listen to that inner voice and avoid that person. (And tell me, of course, so that I could protect them from that contact.) I made it a point to explain to them that they didn't need to justify those feelings, or rationalize them away; they were a warning system that was there for a reason.
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This is excellent counsel. Children need to learn to trust that when they are uncomfortable for any reason with an adult--even if they can't name it--that's important; moving away is a good thing. Parents should also not pressure young children to give kisses and hugs to other adults. Children need to know that the space around them belongs to them and they need to feel safe in it and that their safety and space is respected.
40
When I was ten, I went upstairs to the bathroom. My seven-year-old sister called me into her room. She explained to me that one of my parents' dinner gusets, Mr. X (I don't recall the man's name exactly) had "touched" her "down there." II reported this to my father and we never saw Mr. X again. My sister is what she is. I have no idea what effect this event had on her. But as far as I know, this story remaned within our family.
1
That's noble of you but what about the children who do not have a protector or a willing confidant? Im sure many of these tried to tell some who did not listen, did not hear what they were saying or were uncomfortable with the confession so they turned the other way. Are you assuming most children live in loving, intact families? You also underestimate the cunning and wiles of an abuser. Many of the young gymnasts were abused while their parent was in the room. The fault does not lay with the abused or their parents. The abuser hides behind a shawl of authority and, in many cases, religious altruism.
Schools should spend more time during "community helper" studies of firemen, policemen, doctors, coaches, elected officials, judges etc. and focus on community PREDATORS.
I am cynical/suspicious about anyone (particularly men) who chooses a career which puts them in close proximity to children. Just another area of our world where more women would be an advantage.
1
All so true and we must face these facts and deal with them. It appears that at MSU the entire revenue sports derpartment has been covering up for a long time. We do, however, have to remember that, "An overwhelming majority of adults who treat, teach, coach and counsel children are nothing like these men. To distrust all of them would be a terrible mistake and grievous disservice, both to them and to the kids who stand to benefit mightily from their attention."
Thank you Mr. Bruni.
18
Yeah, no. I mistrust males interested in children not their own.
2
"Its too depressing"
The go-to line used by adults who do not want to get involved or help a child.
Adults, many who consider themselves good people, refuse to protect the vulnerable. Pedophiles know this given how many of them tell victims "no one will believe you."
Having a president who bragged about assaulting women and was still elected speaks volume about US adults.
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" .. Having a president who bragged about assaulting women and was still elected speaks volume about US adults."
Well, he left in 2000, thanks to term limits. And let's not forget JFK and LBJ.
Ditto, a Detroit congressman, age 88, finally forced out after 54 years on the taxpayer dime .. who makes the case for more term limits.
53% of white women voted for Trump. Disgusting.
2
No one is getting to the real reason that the molesters are doing this to children. Is it because they themselves were molested as children? I believe so. This is another reason to look at mental health in this country. The cycle has to stop. If people who have been molested do not get help, we will continue to hear these stories.
50
Not all people who were molested turn out to be molesters. At some point in a person's life, regardless of their own experience, to damage a vulnerable human being is a choice.
2
The suggestion that child rapists were themselves molested as children is disingenuous and smacks of trying to excuse the rapists. Many millions of children are abused and molested and the overwhelming majority do not grow up to become abusers.
The data show that girls are the most likely victims of child rape and molestation, and yet seldom does a women rape or abuse children and never in the ways and numbers that Nasser, Sandusky and the Catholic priests did.
Men need to stop molesting and raping, that is how the cycle will stop.
2
I knew a family whose toddler-age children, a boy and a girl, were forced to engage in sex play while their baby-sitters watched.
Their baby-sitters were middle-school-aged children, a boy and a girl.
It seemed clear to me that the abusers were acting out what had been done to them. It's a cycle. We need to break it.
1
An adult's expertise in any field--education, athletics, religion--isn't the key that unlocks the horrors of child abuse. It is the young person's trust in authority that opens the door to the savagery to come.
And, unfortunately, there is no way to prevent it unless young people are armed, from very early on, with an adult's cynicism. Then, of course, the wonders of childhood innocence has been destroyed, perhaps the very vital period of life that lights the way, the road, that is an individual's life. The fleeting magic of innocence can't be recalled once it is lost. The predator may be a teacher; a coach; a stranger; a trusted "friend." Or far worse, a relative. How does a person of tender years, one taught to respect, to look up to, to obey an adult, say "no?"
The Catholic Church. The coach. The teacher. The Boy Scout master. All are predators who swim out of the sewer. They lurk in these honored institutions for so long that, like a crocodile, they can't be seen beneath the surface where they hide, watching and waiting. I doubt that this particular evil will ever find its way out of the warped strain of the human DNA.
Doubtless the seductions are smooth and convincing, but they are always one-sided. What remains of a violated young person's soul is unbearably unfathomable. As the father of a daughter who was abused (by an uncle) at four, 43 years ago, the lasting pain is impossible to place on paper.
I know, to my enduring sorrow, that love is no compensation.
215
I'm very sorry, Soxared.
Nothing can help, really...but please take a gram of comfort from a stranger and a friend who share your suffering, and the suffering of your daughter.
Be well.
68
Not quite so, Soxared. Growing up Catholic in England, attending church and Catholic schools, there was rampant cynicism about the priests, and warnings to and between kids to steer clear of private contacts with them. Early on, we didn't really know why, but the message came through loud and clear.
One of four daughters, we had strict instructions that if a priest called on the house when neither of our parents was home, we were to tell him clearly we were not allowed to let anyone in and to come back when they returned.
If the Church cared at all about the damage of this on its ministry and mission, it would have done something about it. The faded Roman Empire is still in its death throes in empty Catholic churches across the world.
9
The abuse of a child by an older person has the ability to basically trash the child's life. Recovering is long, tough battle. A friend who was a teacher at the time complained about a young child who seemed to be begging for attention. The child, reportedly, had been abused. My friend is one of the finest people I have known but with no direct experience on the issue.
At the time we were in a restaurant and I begin shouting that the child needed reassurance and love. Embarrassing? Yes, but revealing at the same time.
8
You are worried about coaches and teachers while we have a political party running an accused pedophile as candidates and religious organizations endorsing the pedophile for the highest offices in the country? People turn out and vote for an accused pedophile. The one characteristic that each of these women spoke about at the sentencing of Dr. Nassar was no one in charge believed them when they reported the abuse. Political parties should be running from these pedophiles but not in the US we have the highest elected officials endorsing them and the political candidates and the supporters trashing the victims. We have along way to go to stop this and the President, Congress and Senate had a chance but some chose to pull a Michigan State and turn their backs on the victims. As long as you have politicians and political parties endorsing accused pedophiles this will continue.
140
J, you got a name of an alleged perp, post it, and others will investigate.
As for this -- " .. The one characteristic that each of these women spoke about at the sentencing of Dr. Nassar was no one in charge believed them when they reported the abuse .. "
NYTimes reports some athletes said their parents were in the exam room, at the time.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/sports/larry-nassar-parents.html
This is a highly-complex case. Simple memes are useless, IMHO.
Jena...I would like to agree with you. But the thought of doing so terrifies me. The keyword in your post is accused. If an ex girlfriend accuses me of slapping her around 10 years ago, does that mean I am a permanent outcast? If a former employer accuses you of theft, does it mean can't get a job?
I have no doubt that Roy Moore is a total creep. I would have not considered voting for him. But I am also a believer in innocent until proven guilty. And the right of accused creeps to run for office.
I was abused by my father. I told two teachers when I was in elementary school. Nothing happened. In high school, a teacher groomed me and another teacher noticed but did nothing ("Why does he always get you out of study hall?") and I was flattered he wanted to spend time with me, talk to me about his life. I told him one day about the former abuse. He took me out to dinner that night, told me about how he and his teacher wife had 'special' students. He tried to kiss me as he dropped me off at my home. He called my home. Etc.
There are really a lot of evil people in the world and so many prey on powerless, vulnerable children.
One of the truly sad results of all of this - the Catholic church, the Boy Scouts, Penn St. Michigan St., USA Gymnastics now added to the list - is that adults will be very reluctant to ever touch a youngster in their charge - and we are humans and we touch - and so a lot of good, honest, needed touch will not happen. And that is sad for all of us.
220
That you can still advocate for "good, honest, needed" touch after what your father put you through says a great deal about your courage and wholeness. That two elementary school teachers ignored what you told them is heartbreaking.
6
I understand your story. Some people just find themselves in abusive surroundings, among abusive people at every turn. I did. I admire your strength and observation. And I agree: it is tragic that these major revelations have resulted in a heightened level of standoffishness and distrust among us all. Maybe in a few decades our society will have healed and will operate with integrity and trust. It'll be a while, though.
3
That's why capitol punishment is a fitting punishment for serial
sex sbusers of children. It is the only crime for which capitol punishment is mandated.
1
There have been numerous other publicized cases of childhood sexual abuse in our country: https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/innocence/etc/other.html (that segment was part of a larger Frontline presentation 1998, "Innocence Lost", https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/innocence/ ).
None of them appeared to have the numbers of the Nassar case, but times were even more repressed then than now, so it might be hard to compare. They were all awful. At least current society appears more willing to bring some of these people to justice.
As for the behavior at Michigan State, it can be argued that this type of "coverup" is mostly the norm when large institutions feel threatened. Michigan State will not be the last, and Penn State was hardly the first).
41
Mr. Bruni's incisive summary suggests ways to develop instructions for parents about the various shapes taken by Snake-Oil salesmen [and saleswomen, alas] skilled in the evil arts of appealing to parents' unexamined ambitions for their children.
19
When my sister's children were in grade school--all the schools in the area delivered a safety program to teach the kids about what to do if they were uncomfortable with an adult and how to define safety vs. unwanted touch. I remember thinking this program should be taught in every grade school.
29
Larry Nassar received the punishment he deserved for
abusing the innocent girls who aspired to be great
athletes. The system worked quickly to punish this
monster. Why is it not working in case of Harvey
Weinstein? He still seems to be powerful to fend off
the trial and punishment.
30
The system did not work quickly! The first complaints were in 1997.
3
The system worked quickly? Some of his victims spoke up in the 90's and he is just now going to jail.
3
No, the system did not work quickly to punish Nassar, who was protected by powerful enablers at Michigan State and USAG. As early as 1997 student-athletes at Michigan State reported abuse by Nassar to their coaches, but the university failed to take any action, and as a result he continued to abuse hundreds of athletes for two decades.
2
We have to analyze what is it in our society and attitudes that creates these gross abusers in varied places. Part of it is the power imbalance that motivates some to take advantage of others. But why do these men want to victimize people, instead of having healthy, adult sex relationships that include mutual respect? Have any studies shown that abusers were abuse victims as kids? But not all become predators. What's going on here?
34
@Meridith, I most want to know why do institutions and their leaders turn a blind eyes to this. You could argue that perhaps the perps had been abused themselves as children, but what about the rest who allowed this to happen and to go on for decades in spite of complaints that were not believed and thus not investigated....
4
This is offensive to victims of childhood sexual assault and makes no sense. If someone strait was sexually assaulted by a gay person would that make them straight? If a gay person was sexually assaulted by a straight person would that make them straight.
Disgusting as it is, pedophilia is a sexual orientation. You can’t force someone to be something they are not, and even if it were how would experiencing some of the most horrific experiences one could have make someone go “wow sign me up?” Maybe someone who was genetically predisposed...
Your philosophy ostracizes the people who need your support most, childhood sexual assault victims. For shame.
I thank you, Sir. Parents: there is NO good reason for any Doctor to examine your underage child, without your presence IN THE ROOM. For an actual GYN exam, demand that a female nurse or assistant be present, every single second. If a chaperone is NOT used, that is a huge red flag. A flaming flag. Demand to be in the room, OR just leave. Just do it.
Also, I'm not and have never been Catholic. But this epic Disaster of Priests abusing Children WILL be the downfall of the Church, and rightly so.
NOT EVEN the worst or most indifferent parent would allow their own child to be abused, molested, RAPED. And the cover-ups, the conspiracies, the Collaborators. A continuing, widespread EVIL that perpetuates the original sin. Silence and lack of effective action IS Collaboration. Now and forever, Amen.
38
To Phyliss Dalmatian ~ One of the saddest aspects of this tragedy is that many mothers were in the room when their daughters were being "examined" by Nassar. He would position himself in such a way that the mother could not see what he was doing. Obviously, way too much trust was accorded this man. A nurse standing right at the examining table should be mandatory as well as other to be determined safe-guards.
81
Nassar abused many of his victims with their mothers in the room. He knew how to position himself and the girls to prevent the mothers from seeing what he was doing. He convinced many girls their mothers knew and approved of the "treatments," making it more complicated and confusing for the victims to identify the abuse for what it was. He also manipulated many parents, whose daughters reported that he made them uncomfortable, into believing their daughters were lying. One such father killed himself when the truth came out.
51
The Dr's office I've been going to lately, (I notice) always has somebody else in the room along with the Dr (male or female) no matter if I am dressed or undressed. A neighbor (nurse) told me it was for the protection of everybody in the room. Like I'm going to do anything, I'm 78 lol
3
It's struck me reading some of the girls' parents' agonized soul-searching, that many people have no set point for 'normal' or 'appropriate' in the context of the attentions of a physician--or a spiritual advisor, for that matter.
It is not normal or appropriate in sports medicine to include a pelvic exam on a pre-teen. It is not normal for a child to complain of discomfort. Ungloved hands are not normal. An exam that takes more than a few seconds is not normal. It is not normal or appropriate to disregard a child's complaint when someone has handled her body, physician or not.
This is equally true of priests, ministers and rabbis: intimate touching is not normal or appropriate. Being alone for an extended time with a spiritual advisor in an intimate setting is not normal or appropriate. See past the title of Dr., Father, Reverend, or Rabbi!
142
What you have described should be inscribed in any organization that has oversight over children. The book, "Sex in the Forbidden Zone" talks about the behaviors and rules authority figures need to uphold. Organizations' should be clear about behaviors and have zero tolerance policies backed by legal consequences.
11
Thank you, Frank Bruni, for educating your readers about the not uncommon sexual abuse of children by skilled predators and about the phenomenon of grooming. Unless one has studied this subject, it is natural to think that these crimes are rare. And denial, in the face of a child’s disclosure, is too frequent a reaction. We read sensational stories about Nasser and Sandusky and lawsuits against the Boy Scouts and the Catholic Church. But most children who are molested, are molested by family members or close adult friends or trusted professionals. There is very seldom any stranger danger to it. Parents need to listen to their children and they need to observe their childrens’ behavior in relation to the adults in their lives.
316
Mel & Frank: there is a commonality between Penn State football and MSU sports medicine -- both giant, taxpayer-owned mega-units, where massive bureaucracy reigns, assembly line-style.
As in: got a problem? Have a meeting (be sure to order bagels). Get out "cut-and-paste" memo No. 3. Give more work to those reporting it, to deter further "complaints." Get nothing done.
In a smaller college department, a student doesn't show up for class, people notice. The average mega-university department? Fugetaboutit. (And don't blather about "technology" -- plenty of ways to fool it.)
P.S.: MSU athletics should get some credit -- it hired a former police command officer, to monitor public safety issues. That's called "institutional control."
http://www.msuspartans.com/genrel/haller_alan00.html
Years ago, I read that 3 out of 4 people have experienced unwanted sexual contact as children. I drunkenly asked friends at a dinner party if any had been inappropriately touched as children and, indeed, 3 out of 4 said they had. It was the first time I'd in any way publicly acknowledged my own experience.
2
Weyeswoman, one of the grimmest things about the long-running TV show "Intervention" is how many of the addicts due for help were molested as kids.
1
I appreciate Mr Bruni's perspective. It's helpful to comprehend how such a "monster" walks among us.
But more common are the trusted adults who abuse on a smaller -- or at least perhaps less pervasive -- scale. I'm one who was taken advantage of by trusted family "friends" and strangers -- adult men -- as a pre-pubescent girl. It's confusing as a child: Is what is happening actually happening? Confusion, doubt. Who would I confide in? What would I say? Anyway, there's a huge cloud of shame in this.
Children would be well served I now think if they are told the difference between good touch and bad touch, taught their right to bodily autonomy, and imparted the knowledge that it is their right to speak up if something is not right and they will be respected and believed if they do.
123
This learning is taught in some schools, it should be a national required program with a standard approved curriculum.
10
One particularity poignant account of "Doctor" Nasser's victims was from a young lady who said she wished she had not been "naive." That is heartbreaking because children should be able to trust adults. The only naivety could be from adults who have too much confidence in other adults.
So many pedophiles exploited the authority they had, whether as clergy, or as medical practitioners, or as teachers, or as athletic instructors, or whatnot. Professionalism becomes a smokescreen for abusive access to kids. Unfortunately, it falls to parents to dispense with absolute trust in those with whom children are often entrusted, and to encourage their kids to speak about any adult who made them uncomfortable.
52
@NM -- my friend, children by nature, aim to please adults by being obedient and well behaved, not wishing to be "bad" or disagreeable. Teachers, medical practitioners, counselors at a summer camp, athletic trainers and personnel may not be family but they are "grown-ups" and children are taught to show respect for their age and position. The adult leads and the child follows, a very natural circumstance. This is the situation that a predator exploits, especially a family member or someone with whom the child is familiar.
The mental anguish an abused child experiences can never be erased or forgotten. They blame themselves for what happened and are silent about who did what to them.
The six year old girl who Nassar took advantage of was no match for him or his cunning and guile. He disguised his wicked intent as professional concern. He assured her that he had her best interests as his top priority.
Nassar turned these girls into confused and broken adults, their faith and trust in other people damaged beyond repair. Their victim-impact statements should haunt him for the rest of his life.
6
Very insightful analysis of how kids defer to adults. It's a fine line for parents, too, with teaching children how to relate to other adults. Respecting elders is a good rule, but trust is not an absolute.
As for Nassar himself, he expressed to the judge that hearing all his victims' accounts was too much for him. She was, of course, unmoved. So if he has a trace of a human conscience, he will, indeed be haunted for the rest of his life and live in a mental prison along with the physical one.
Thank you for writing, as always, my friend.
4
During this latest painfully long-overdue examining of our collective conscience and how often we fail our young people in major ways, Little League Parents shouldn't forget to examine theirs especially carefully -- and think about how tragically blinding their obsessions have the potential to be.
As for Michigan State University, USA Gymnastics, fellow enablers and the monster himself, no words come to mind that are even remotely printable in a publication suitable for families. Let's not forget that the likes of Larry Nassar and Jerry Sandusky ("We Are Penn State!" indeed) didn't get away with their serial depravities in a vacuum.
52
Gatekeepers should believe childrens' accounts when they occur in clusters - it's hard to imagine the courage it takes for a normal kid to speak up, knowing they are upsetting authority figures.
True, sometimes kids exaggerate, but usually not whole groups of kids, and remember it took a child to blurt out the famous truth "The Emperor has no clothes" !
Adults shouldn't be so wrapped up in denial when children come forward with a shocking truth.
147
The idea that children will engage in false accusations, and when talking about "dirty" parts of their bodies, is a danger to children in itself. It is, as you indicate, incredibly hard for a child to initiate and continue any conversation of that kind.
2
People who have been sexually assaulted do not exaggerate. Their experience is imprinted for life.
2
sometimes kids exaggerate? like how, when, who?.... do women sometimes exaggerate too? ...the accounts have to be in 'clusters' to be believed? Why?
....there's been too much brainwashing, rationalizing and denial that's been part of this situation.....that's what enables it to worsen.....the 'monsters' see what they can get away with.
2
It is shocking enough to hear about institutional tolerance of criminal sexual assaults of children by Michigan State and USA Gymnastics, even after the Catholic Church revelations. Institutions tend to be fiercely self-protective, up to and past the point of self-destruction.
But it's even harder to grasp how this could on for so long when the parents were frequently present during the assaults.
It should be another warning about the dangers present in sports programs that hold such power over the lives of youth. The desire of parents and children to succeed in college, professional and Olympic sports makes the children vulnerable to all kinds of abuse with life long consequences (as we are learning with athletes in physical contact sports).
106
Too true. And it's especially disappointing to see a man as respected as the current Pope doing so little to address this problem- as was demonstrated recently in Chile. And to see the U.S. military allowing a system of pedophilia to flourish so widely amongst our putative allies in Afghanistan.
175
" .. Institutions tend to be fiercely self-protective, up to and past the point of self-destruction .."
Gee, think billions of 1-800-LAWSUIT TV ads might have something to do with that? Thanks to the fee-hungry trial lawyer crowd, no sane manager/executive wants to have a private meeting, that all meetings have to be observed? That now, we're at the point that lawyers are suing other lawyers for legal malpractice, just to keep afloat financially?
It's not hard to see how parents who were on the room would not have noticed their child being assaulted: it's called hiding in plain sight. It's a sneaky way of creating plausible deniability; after all it couldn't have happened because the parents were right there, right??
4