For those who are saying it was always thus, a look at causes (Christianity circa 1000 CE) and cures (see article) - here is Iceland's story as guidance.
https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2017/11/why-iceland-ranks-first-gender-eq...
4
How about female actresses refusing to work and make money from movies until there is fairness in women's pay. How can there be a movie without women participating in it too. This would halt production and the movie studios would lose money and soon take action. Why is it that it is only male actors who must speak out. It takes two to make a movie. If female actresses are serious, they will also speak out against injustices. They are the ones who have the most to gain in this situation. I am a female making this comment.
3
I must agree with every observation in this essay. I just see one problem.
“We did not install this glass ceiling, and it is not our responsibility to demolish it.” Correct as a moral position. But men as a group are not going to do it. Individual men will be supportive and in some ways helpful, but very many men, a majority I suspect, will resist. People holding power do not cede it voluntarily. No amount of moral suasion, hectoring, or embarrassment will change this. The demolition will have to be done mostly by women, understanding and using power.
Unfair? Utterly. But not hopeless. A determined organized minority can overcome the apathy and resistance of a majority (the American Revolution is one example). The minority can eventually become a majority. But it will require that the minority bear an unequal burden in a long struggle. Sorry.
10
After reading this, I feel much less inclined to help.
11
I am 70 year old man and agree with this. Men have to change their behavior now.
4
I applaud your point, but the sad reality is that won't happen. Stick to your ideals but be pragmatic.
The civil rights movement did need the hegemonic culture (American whites) to participate, ultimately, but the work by and large was done by the minority communties fighting for equality.
3
Isn’t expecting guys to “fix stuff”how we all got into this mess? The “damsel in distress” stance of feigned helplessness worked well under patriarchy, but is not compatible with a new vision of equal rights and responsibilities. Sounds like she wants her “cake” of privilege and have it served to her by a “man servant”.
12
If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. And rather than complain about male dominance in so many fields, let us say filmmaking for example, they dominate because they have $ clout. Time for women to do like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc., and found our own corporations in which we call the shots.
5
Women can fix sexism because women can get things done. Men can talk about getting things done. Channeling Margaret Thatcher.
2
This is not going to be pretty.
Women should not be sexually harassed. Women should have equity in the workplace.
But it is columns like this that just make me angry.
Al Franken is no longer in the Senate. Both my senators called for him to step down, following the lead of Kristen Gillebrand. There was no more eloquent and powerful voice among men calling for better conditions for women in America. He has been silenced over what started with a lie: he was not touching that woman in the picture.
What happens to men who speak up? Whatever we say right now, it's wrong. I'm not going to "disappear into the fog," and I don't have $100 million. Want pay equity for actresses? Talk to CAA & UTA, the two agencies that rep most of the top actresses out there. They make the deals. But when you find that Gal Gadot's agent wanted her to be paid a lot more than Chris Pine, are you going to argue for pay equity then? If so, fine. Emma Watson got $3 million for Beauty and the Beast, plus a share of the profits for a likely payday closer to $20 million. You know who didn't get $3 million? Dan Stevens, who played The Beast. I'm fine if everyone gets pay equity. But you might want to check with Emma Watson first.
So, when the so-called leaders of the #MeToo movement stop harassing men for saying anything about this, regardless of intention, we can talk. Until then, stop telling me what I need to do with my life.
22
Lindy is right in that addressing sexism (and racism and homophobia and transphobia) is a society-wide responsibility.
But if those who are not interested in learning to share and behave better toward other people–these are merely things that make a better world–if people aren't interested in that and would rather dig their heels in further? We must keep going without them. Leave them behind.
We can continue on, calling for gender parity, equal pay, and end to mass incarceration, reproductive rights, early childhood education, and all the the things that we believe will make us stronger as a society. And I personally will continue to pay no mind to the phoney-baloney faux-feminist "girl power-lean-in" corporate-speak that is utterly hollow at its core ad only wants one thing and that's to sell out our principles by emblazoning them in glitter on a belly-T. Corporate America has been railroading Feminism for too long now. This must end.
The goal is full equality. Full equality means full participation and full parity. Period.
5
What can men do? We men now have a standard to measure that. He sits in the Oval Office. He not only sets the lowest bar to which no man should dip below when it comes to the treatment of women, he represents a red line of bad behavior. We men who are clueless as to what offends women need look no further than the White House. Its resident exhibits traits all men should avoid. There is no redeeming value in anything he does.
DD
Manhattan
6
Because most positive movement forward for people starts with women...Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Rosa Parks, Betty Friedan, Malala Yousafzai ...and so we must continue the fight on 1/20/2018.
6
White women tend to define sexism differently than do black women. White middle class and upper class white women have a different perspective on sexism than do working class white women. Rich white women know little about the travails of poor women of all skin colours and ethnicities.
But none of this will stop relatively privileged white women from pretending they speak for all women.
12
We cannot slice and dice who gets to speak. We are who we are and speak from that perspective. We will get nowhere if we argue about who is speaking rather than paying attention to what they are saying.
5
Do you have any evidence for your broad generalization and attack on a group of tens of millions of people?? Or is flinging insults considered sufficient for this discussion??
1
Why is it so difficult for some of the men responding here to acknowedge that bias and sexual harassment actually exist?
8
NotMe! Is a kneejerk response and a distraction. Yes patriarchy and sexism are systemic and we all play a role. However, those that practice dominant masculinity reinforce the system and have the most to gain. Before reacting to the false charge that “men are bad”, which is not Lindy’s message, educate yourself. Start with Michael Kimmel’s TED Talk, for example. Our work, together, is to get the fish to see the water- where we are the fish and the pervasive environment of sexism and misogyny envelopes us all so completely that we become desensitized to it.
2
Gee, I can't imagine that a lot of men didn't go to those panels you mention so that they could listen to a bunch of women complain about how oppressed they are and how terrible men are. Most of us are probably too busy working, providing for our families, and making things. Women are every bit as sexist as men are, just in different ways. Furthermore, the constant attacks by feminists on men distracts from the more pressing and critical issues in our society such as the widening disparities in wealth and dysfunction in our political system.
12
Hollywood women as complete victims? But the rules of rotten game were well known in Hollywood - acting roles and advancement for sex, a game which many women held their noses and played, as full players, not helpless victims - a defective system often in a different era.
Exchanging sex for benefits is said to be the world's oldest profession.
So, the very foundation of the #MeToo movement - of women as victims - is just false. Women, like men, have to take responsibility for their behavior, including trading sex for favors; dressing provocatively at work....
And, no, rape is not the same as harassment, accusations that raise questions as to how rational and realistic are many in the feminist movements.
7
After the female lawyers and professors and movie stars and columnists get theirs, the waitresses and office managers and warehouse workers are going to be left to fend for themselves, just you wait and see.
10
One thing avoided in these discussions; there are "just a guy thing", as well as "just a female thing" in how we talk among our gender group about the other group. And women can be just as insulting, and crass. The only difference is that women generally do not go public with there commentary, and/or go after their "targets". Generally. But it does happen, and more often than people think. (Ive heard some pretty crass comments made about me by female supervisors. And its not flattering.)
So, yes, men need to call each other out when our "guy talk" goes too far. Or report bad behavior, or potentially dangerous behaviors. (And this includes racial, and/or any other sort of aberrant words, actions, etc)
But women need to police themselves as well. Need to shut down the "broads" who act, talk and think behaving like the worst of males is a path to success.
Fixing the problems is gender neutral for the most part, as it involves both.
2
Men have been told that we're all at fault, that there is zero tolerance, that any mistake from decades ago, no matter how small, make us harassers, and no doubt potential rapists. Women, on the other hand, are all victims, always tell the full and complete truth, and always stand by other women faithfully. When confronted by this situation, men realize that they can't win, and resolve to wait it out until the sound and the fury subside. We're not on your team, because it's been made very clear that we're not welcome. If this is all about letting off steam, have at it. Take down a few more Al Frankens. If this is a movement that is going to create change, then learn to be fair in your accusations, respect due process, and be proportionate in your demands for punishment. Or else go it alone until you run out of steam. That's the course you're on now.
19
NYT--how do you pick your comments? Is it a representative sample, or the comments that you find the most incisive? I see more written by men making tired, hyper-defensive arguments--"women are also at fault," "women/feminists are lashing out at us," "I'm a man and here's what I think and boy, women on the internet are vicious and I'm gonna get yelled at"--than anything else on your picks. So I want to know: are these picks a representative sample of our tired, hyper-defensive society, or what your staff consider the most pertinent views on the piece?
9
David Brooks said it three days ago, nothing to add here:
"The easiest way to do that is to tell a tribal oppressor/oppressed story and build your own innocence on your status as victim. Just about everybody can find a personal victim story. Once you’ve identified your herd’s oppressor — the neoliberal order, the media elite, white males, whatever — your goodness is secure. You have virtue without obligation. Nothing is your fault.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/01/opinion/the-retreat-to-tribalism.html
10
Don’t mean to be condescending but this article is silly.
Name people most responsible for challenging racism. Black people.
To assert it’s not women’s job to challenge sexism is foolish.
Of course it’s all of our responsibility to address sexism, not just men.
3
I agree with the question but disagree with the answer (or most of it). While all your suggestions to men would help, they involve personal sacrifice for a general benefit and I think that is too much to expect of most. More importantly, I think a lot of men (and even women) genuinely don’t understand or recognize the small insidious things that make up much of our sexist power structure and existence. Most people recognize assault or a pay gap but not the thousands of things and the psychology that ultimately lead to that. Some reading or good films or documentaries for all good men to absorb would be a start - so what are the best ones? And how about in schools?
2
Here's a quote from the article on Times Up
"Several of the women said their work with Time’s Up presented a rare opportunity to meet regularly and pool efforts with other powerful women. In an industry overwhelmingly dominated by men, they said, they were usually one of the few actresses on set, or one of the few female writers or producers in a room.
“We have been siloed off from each other,” Ms. Witherspoon said. “We’re finally hearing each other, and seeing each other, and now locking arms in solidarity with each other, and in solidarity for every woman who doesn’t feel seen, to be finally heard.”
In other words, the reason there are no men in the top echelons of Times Up is that the women running it deliberately excluded them, because they wanted to have the experience of working together as women. This is very much their right, and is an important milestone in its own right . But the fact that Ms. West could read this article, and still blame men for their lack of participation, shows the cluelessness of her angry reductionism.
9
While men certainly have a role in eliminating sexism, women cannot and should not wait for it. Hoping that men will rescue us is part of how we got to this place. Now we need to take care of ourselves.
4
Arrogance and self righteous treatment of all men as the enemy will take the likes of Ms. West nowhere. Like PETA within the animal rights movement, or Anarchists in the world of politics, you may have the power to be abrasive, irritate, or destroy, but never enough power to build something better. Working with millions of decent men who respect and treat women well and with fairness will get you farther than the sophomoric, if self satisfying, poking of all men in the eye. We are not all alike. And luckily for you not all women are alike either. And those men and women, not you, will make the difference.
10
You want to address sexism? Then stop characterizing it as a battle of the sexes. FiveThirtyEight had some interesting statistics on sexual abuse. Guess what? It wasn't 100% women who were the victims. It was 84%. Still quite lopsided, of course, but to act as though women are always the victims and men are always the predators reinforces sex stereotypes. So yes, men have a role to play in addressing sexism, but so do women who play a significant role in perpetuating it. A column that addressed both sexes failings in this regard would be more persuasive. It would be even more compelling to recognize that not everyone fits in a tidy, binary system of gender and that eliminating sexism would help nonconformists, too.
7
I am once again amazed that in the litany of things that can be done to fight sexism, there is no mention of final adoption of the Equal Rights Amendment. Equal justice under the law is a basic tool that women can use to protect themselves. The fact that it is not yet part of the Constitution is a national disgrace.
7
I’m sure someone has pointed this out, but just in case: plenty of women have made it clear that men are the problem and any man’s opinion, offer to help, etc is unwelcome. At least that has been my experience. That said, many of us acknowledge the view here and are making efforts behind the scenes to change things. Being told we are all hopeless degenerates is not helpful though.
3
Writing in just to say that I cannot stomach the repeated use of the term "cisgender." This term is meant to imply that the person to whom it refers, identifies with the gender that aligns to their sex.
As a radical feminist, I don't identify with gender. Gender is a system of sex-based oppression that prevents individuals of both sexes from living up to their unique capabilities, instead giving them a set of social expectations that are based on what their bodies look like.
So, I am not "cisgender" - I don't identify with my oppression.
4
'Fixing sexism' is primarily women's work because we have been & continue to be the victims of it in both gross & subtle manifestation. And a really important aspect of this work is raising sons to respect girls & women & daughters to respect themselves. In other words, we should be working to end the perpetuation of sexist attitudes & actions.
1
I see a lot of complaining about the "negative" responses of men. Allow me to mansplain.
The problem is this framing that men, as a collective, "created" and "maintain" the patriarchy. A wage slave is a wage slave whether they're making $7/hr in Alabama or $15/hr in Seattle. Feminism needs to gear its vision, and its articulation of that vision, towards obtaining equal dignity for women and men, rather than to taking privilege away from men for the good of women. Lindy West boils it down to a zero-sum game, and then wonders why men aren't rushing to throw themselves on her pyre of "progress".
For example, sexist attitudes directly impact boys from the time they're born. With the rate of single motherhood in this country, how has forcing the only parent in the household to "get a job" impacted the last several generations of men? Three in five college students are women now. The school-to-prison pipeline is built for men, not women. Labor force participation among men is at an all-time low. Men are behind the wheel in the ongoing epidemic of suicide (7 of 10 suicides were white men in 2016).
Seeing a rich white woman atop the Times's ivory tower complaining that the vast, suffering underclass of men needs to rise up and fight her fight for her is, frankly, revolting. If you want allies, make alliances founded in common cause. Don't lecture and berate and shame people. All you're doing is brewing even more backlash.
13
Great piece. Saved and shared. Some of the comments - women are nasty to women, men get harassed too, men have it bad in other ways, etc. - show just how far we have to go. I remember how hard it was for me as a white person to understand white privilege and white fragility - I'm still working on it. Comments that would sound outrageous if we were talking about race still seem to go unchallenged when we are talking about gender. Why not just listen, ask questions if something doesn't make sense?
7
Yet another piece from Lindy West where more than 3 billions men are stereotyped into a single entity and equally blamed for all mistreatments and misconceptions against all women. I have found the recent deluge of revelations of gross and disgusting misconducts by some famous men or men with powerful positions shocking, exhausting and liberating. There is a feeling, or a hope, that we could be at a turning point and bring some deep and lasting changes to those dirty male cultures that systematically demean women. Some men are much more guilty than others. And some powerful women also contribute to the status quo, discriminations or are remain complacent (see other West's articles in Guardian and NYT). Perhaps one of the reasons you (Lindy) noticed that male attendance to feminist events is so low is because even the best intended men feel the guilt you keep indiscriminately spreading on all men? I think your cause is just and your anger justified, but please don't put off and alienate the many men who share your desire to correct the wrongs. Have you ever written about the men who do understand and help solve the problems you mention? I'm convinced proper solutions can only be designed and implemented collaboratively by all genders, not just men, not just women.
5
Since when do real men complain about their station in life? From where I’m sitting it seems a lot of women have grievances with us, deliberate our intentions or otherwise. Instead of what-about-this and what-about-that how about we just shut up and listen to what they have to say?
5
Your anger is palpable and understandable. Your proposed solution is preposterous.
Here's what I hear. "Hey y'all. Our tribe is oppressed. Let's pretend it is not our problem and put all the responsibility on our oppressors! How's that sound?"
Crickets.
Solutions come from taking the first steps. Get knocked down 7 times. Get up 8. Looking for the common good across identities is a time honored solution. Cementing division has a legacy of failure.
Of course everyone enjoys a good cry. Go ahead. But don't be surprised when few people bother to pick you up while you are sitting in a puddle of tears. Tears that were actually not created by a single tribe, but rather by the whole community which is constantly in flux.
The arc of history bends toward justice. Lean in and join those who are proposing functional and practical solutions. Radical incrementalism will find us both celebrating a better tomorrow.
3
Intriguing headline.
Fixing sexism is not just a women's issue. But when "feminism" is the primary tool for addressing sexism, you naturally got a bit of a bias.
We've been told that feminism is merely the belief (and the actions arising from that belief) that men and women should be treated equally.
Yet feminist agenda points are almost exclusively those that address gender discrimination from a woman's point of view.
For example:
Pay equity at work: What about parental leave inequities? What about death equity? Men have a far higher chance of being killed at work from accident or violence than women do, yet there is no discussion.
Insurance equity: Even when pregnancy is excluded, women cost more to insure for health than men. Yet the ACA requires that women and men pay the same rates, meaning men are subsidizing women. And women get benefits under the ACA that men don't, such as well woman visits and other reproductive health care benefits. Yet it's ok that life insurance costs men more.
I'll just note that #MeToo's focus on bad male actors alone ignores a whole universe of female bosses who step over the line.
Those are just a couple of "fer instances."
But if you say, "Hey, let's address gender disparities from non-female points of view as well- we can all work together!" the response is not merely disinterested, it's hostile.
If fighting sexism is about advancing women's interests alone, is it any wonder that more men aren't involved?
26
There are two reasons i can think of:
1 - Men have not exactly been welcome in the anti-sexism movement, and
2 - Any movement for change begins with the people who are suffering oppression. You can sit around saying it shouldn't be that way, because of course it shouldn't, but it is. Power isn't given; it's taken.
6
Forget men. They aren't going to change, except to the extent they have to. When Frederick Douglass said "Power concedes nothing without a demand," he meant action not whining. Do you really think petulantly demanding that men do better will achieve results? Women need to start businesses, hire other women, promote other women, network with other women. And they need to demand legal changes and run for office and file lawsuits. That's how change is made, not through whining.
4
@Anne:
Yes. The Frederick Douglas reference is absolutely correct and germane. The burden on women in changing the culture is disproportionate and unfair but unavoidable.
I, too, have had these exact same thoughts. As a professional in the banking business, I have seen so many mentoring programs - women to women. It struck me a few years ago that if we knew what to do we would be the CEO's. As it is, I have had a successful career that has been very enjoyable. But if I knew how to react, how to behave, how to have myself heard in a manner that MEN would listen to, couldn't I even have gone further? You don't know what you don't know. The men who have succeeded have a responsibility to mentor women, blacks, hispanics, LGBTs, and all of us to understand different approaches that could propel our voices and actions. Just as I have that responsibility when working with younger people or people from other cultures who want to succeed in a westernized work environment. Meanwhile, I learn also. It is great. We are in this together and together we will be stronger.
Organized religion has preached for 2000 years that women are less than men. Men have taken that message to heart.
It is not possible to have it both ways, one cannot be a "Christian" and be an unvarnished advocate for women. The ideologies are mutually exclusive.
5
The relationships between men and women in the United States are soured, poisoned even, by financial inequality and dependence.
In Anu Partanen's "The Nordic Theory of Everything" she points out that in Nordic countries, women are not financially dependent on men. Since college is free, day-care is almost free, and women have the most leeway to make equal wages, women marry less, have fewer stresses, and enjoy life more. In fact, both sexes do.
The opposite is true here. Through our tax code we incur actually fine people for not being married, not having children, in the sense that married people and parents can claim a deduction that single unmarried can't.
So in a country led by a political party that not only doubled the child tax exemption and seeks to force pregnant women to give birth, these uneasy dependencies are almost obligatory.
Sexual harassment can stop when men no longer have the financial levers; when women can provide a comfortable life for themselves and their children. The Scandinavians did it. So can we.
6
What you are really saying is that everything is easier in a nation with serious restrictions on immigration, and the maintaining of a homogeneous status quo.
4
Many of the comments here remind me of an episode in our family. My brother told my father how upset he was for the years of abuse and neglect we experienced. My father dismissed everything he said because he said it wasn't presented with the right tone, or in the right way.
7
Lindy, I respect you and generally agree with you. BUT, not today. We Women can't hope for or wait for anyone else to " fix" anything. It's on US.
And, the first step is to convince other Women to NOT vote for any GOP candidates, EVER. That's where we start, and NOW. 2018: I am Woman, hear me VOTE.
3
As true school reform in the past 100 years has rarely taken place without legal action, changing of laws and regulations that govern behavior and actions in ways that are legally culpable, I believe that sexism is in a similar very resistant category. We need laws that can be enforced that require equality: wage equality, promotional equality, role equality, etc. Inequality in the workplace is a place to start. But, we are evolving to a corporate driven and controlled society, one that will not respond willingly to arguments of what is right and just. The must be a legal reason, legal consequences. And leaders must be elected to positions to ensure enforcement. They then must be held accountable for that enforcement.
2
Perhaps men feel largely the same way about male-female relations and can cherry pick plenty of stats and metoo stories of treachery to support their anguish. My son just sat through an IEP meeting where his behavior and treatment were being determined by 16 people; he and I were the only males.
4
My son, his long time girlfriend and my little 6 y/0 grandson live in Germany. They both cook equally well and often. My son does most of the housework and they are both equally involved in taking care of Henry. They both work, my son is an engineer and his girlfriend an artist . They both travel for work.
The state benefits they receive make all these things much easier for them. 6 week maternity leave for both genders - paid. Quality day care - state subsidized. 6 weeks paid vacations. National health care. Free public education and university - even for foreign students. Good public transportation from city to city and country to country.
The underlying social structure that a country provides for it's citizens has everything to do with it's values re work , family, education and opportunities for each gender to follow their career desires. We have none of these in the State.
If we want to have gender parity and healthier people and families we need to adopt some of this European socialism. That means serious legislation.
It's not about men bad/ women good. We are all in this together.
Can we really make these changes to support systems in the States? I'm pessimistic but continue to hope.
57
I agree with you, and I would hope that the answer would be Yes. However, the United States is in the process of being sliced apart by racial and ethnic hatreds, and few Americans will support new social programs if people from other races and ethnicities are also aided. In addition, the U.S. is run by Social Darwinist capitalists, and they will not allow new programs to help the slothful/lazy/losers (poor and middle-classes) of U.S. society.
1
the vast amnesia shown by men as to how to help stop the abuse and Injustice towards would be laughable, if it hurt so many dreams and crushed so many souls already. I can remember a male pastor's surprise by my demand that he lead and preach in a service against domestic violence! oh, yes, I'm the male leader except when we need you to lead. hypocrites.
20
How have women fixed sexism in psychology and social work?
They haven't. They have made it much worse.
Male students leave for other professions at much greater rates than women? Why? Many report hostile classroom and internship experiences, including male-bashing comments, less favorable assignments, and presumptions that they can't work with children because men are a threat to children.
We have reached the point where nearly 80% of all social workers, mental health counselors and psychologists combined are women, and the gender imbalance is getting worse, not better. Male patients are denied the opportunity to work on their issues with male professionals.
And nobody seems to think the overt and systemic discrimination against male candidates by women social workers and psychologists is a problem.
48
It sounds like you are saying that Male Lives Matter.
You bring up a potentially interesting topic (even if it seems like an attempt to hijack this conversation), but you undermine your message with your approach. It would be more productive to dig a little deeper into the issues you're raising, rather than polarize the conversation by appearing to defensively lash out at women.
3
I am a licensed social worker. Your premise is utterly false. I have continually seen men getting promoted over women in social service agencies and mental health agencies. A male I supervised left to take a job several levels his previous position yet when I interviewed for jobs, I was offered lateral moves. Social work is female dominated but still often male-led. As for working with children, agencies actively recruit male therapists to work with children because parents want their sons to have male therapists. I don't know where you are getting your information; it looks like pure fantasy.
6
Frank. Add that most Human Resources depts are mostly female, who alienate the few males who try to "get in", who refuse any sort of masculinizing of company moral initiatives, gossip way too much, and treat harassment complaints as frivolous, esp if the guy is a "cutie". "Oh he's just kidding, doesnt mean it...isnt a threat..." Ive seen and heard all of the above, and a lot more. A lot worse.
1
Gee, Lindy, I guess you got the answer to your question. Most men (judging by the comments here) either don't care, have hostile feelings towards feminists or feel attacked by the very suggestion that we could use their involvement. I really didn't expect the responses to be so overwhelmingly negative....but I guess this female feminist of almost 50 years shouldn't be surprised. Just like with racism, there is a thin covering over a sea of hatred and indifference on the subject of sexism.
36
I am staunchly against sexism and harassment.
On the other hand, I don't believe a headline should convict anyone. I don't believe that consensual sex that is later regretted should end someone's career. I don't believe that decades old charges of behavior that is not now nor then illegal should destroy someone's life.
I do believe in due process and proportionality.
5
Western women have made Western men this way. Stare at the mirror, if you want to know why men have become increasingly hostile. Feminists don't want equality. They want a powerful matriarchy where men contribute their sweat and blood to promote a misandrist agenda while constantly apologizing for their very existence. Western Women have used the power of the state, threats, shaming and support from clueless white knights to craft laws that are clearly discriminatory against men in family courts, education and elsewhere. But men are waking up slowly to the fact that feminists in this country have started a gender driven identity war which has led to a collapse of the American family.
Welcome to a new world where women are no longer wives, companions, mothers, sisters and best friends who stood by their men and for whom men were willing to take a bullet and lay down their lives.
Instead in this feminist distopia every Western woman will be treated as a sexual prey to be conquered and then ghosted.
6
There is a saying that to get change, people who are not harmed have to care. So, yeah, that means men have to step up. Stop being silent when you see something. Speak up when you see or hear something. Say that it is not ok, not just a guy thing. Bullies count on everyone else to be nicer than they are, to just say nothing. Speak up
13
So the expectation is that I risk my safety to confront someone on behalf of a random woman? Why is her safety more important than mine?
4
I'll be stepping up to vote against my two senators who demanded Al Franken resign. Franken was a strong advocate for women. He's been silenced. I'll contribute to whomever primaries Sen. Gillebrand who started the drive to oust Franken and said there should be no gradation between rape and a clumsy hand during a photo op.
I'll step up for due process and proportionality.
I'll step up against hit pieces like the one that launched an investigation of a radio host because he sent eight unanswered emails to a woman asking for basic daytime dates (museum, coffee) over the period of eight months.
I'll step up against a purge that takes out a promising female candidate in Kansas because her employer settled a likely fraudulent sexual harassment claim against her years ago.
6
Collin, no one is asking you to step up in a random situation. There are plenty of situations under your nose every day.
OMG. It’s not *only* women’s job to fix it. It’s both men and women’s job to fix it. Is there any chance that the debate could be complex enough to see the role BOTH genders have to play in this? Or must it be either/or?
12
Please - take my Construction job that I have basically because I can lift heavy things most women can't (and I have worked with capable women, have no problems with it - but on average most women simple can't lift what an average man can - and I bet statistics back this up). It's a self selecting field and men didn't make up overall physical traits in the sexes. I bet the percentage is spot on.
You can also take my asthma from breathing dust, my falls off of roofs, my tennis elbow, my bursitis in my knee, my shorter life expectancy overall, greater risk for pain/opioid addiction due in no small part to the jobs I get because I can lift things you can't.
You can also make the draft totally female from now on so whole swaths/generations of men aren't wiped out or p.t.s.d. ridden. The Patriarchy ain't all roses on our side - would be nice to hear once in a while
83
"Why is Fixing Sexism Women's Work?"
It isn't, of course, but it is women who will fix it. It will be mothers and sisters who will teach their sons and brothers. I also hope that it will be fathers who take the cues from their wives and daughters to make sure that their sons learn those lessons.
Finally, it will take full parity of the sexes in the workplace, equal pay for equal work, and a whole lot more firings.
10
thank you, marvelous writing and very very true,
13
They don't care. How in the world can we expect the people who not only created this system, but maintain it because of the power and control it gives them, to suddenly want to "fix" it. They don't think it's broken.
That's just a fact. We women have to do what we can, along with the few men who think it's a good idea. It's just another version of "girl code." Men are off the hook about lots of things.
14
I have better things to do with my time until you can define what is in this fight for me.
22
Living in a happier, more well-adjusted society. Fewer mental health issues.
1
White ladies, how about doing something really simple? Like not voting for Trump?
I personally have a hard time taking any of this very seriously given that the majority of white women voted for Trump, "grab them by...." and all.
And since you voted for him, and are demanding that a man fix it, how about you get Trump to fix it for you?
52
Gee Lindy ... what's so hard to understand about the obvious? You want something fixed?
Do you not realize how whining that men need to step in and fix this for you is the epitome of validating women as helpless waifs in need of strong men as saviors?
Gee, I'm really waiting to see "our heroine stepping into her power." I sure hope it is something other than whining that men need to fix it.
27
She's saying men need to step up. It's that simple
4
I'm tired of hearing the name Al Franken. He will be used against us no matter what we do. Seemingly reasonable men post about our overreaction to Franken as proof of our lack of perspective or our anger. In fact if we'd left Al Franken alone we'd likely be seeing "seemingly reasonable" men posting that it was proof of our partisanship or lack of sincerity. They've been reasoning circles around us for years. Casting doubts on our motives. What exactly has changed?
The fact is that powerful women made their own decision that Franken had to go or their future efforts against sexual harassment would be dismissed as partisan. I for one can live with that decision.
18
Al Franken
women should have been working on these women who wore t-shirts "he can play with my cats any time" > THOSE are the women who help perpetuate this. maybe the underlying problem is a 'state of origin' of the male. Males who grow up in 'equal' environments probably are less likely to be harassers later in life.
1
I gave money to Al Franken. I went to an expensive fundraiser for Al Franken. I gave money for the recount costs. I know women who have worked with Al Franken. They are al baffled and angry as I am.
Sure, you can live with crushing the life and reputation of Franken and the millions he represented. It costs you nothing.
So, let me throw out some other names for you to Google, names of men who were accused of sexual misconduct who paid a very high price:
Emmett Till
The Groveland Four
The Scottboro Boys
The Duke Lacrosse Team
The members of the UVA Phi Kappa Psi chapter, smeared by the made up report in Rolling Stone
Look at what lack of due process and proportionality can do to real lives of real men.
Ask yourself if you can live with what happened to Emmett Till?
6
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice electric with anger, “but all I’ve heard tonight are a bunch of things women can do to fight sexism. Why is that our job? We didn’t build this system. This audience should be full of men.”
Because equality in America doesn't come to happen by say-so. It comes by refusing to be disrespected and by having enough money to make that appreciable. It doesn't come through violence or whining, but by insisting that things are not going to be 'old school' anymore.
I am treated as if I am an equal because I am equally under the law as equal as any one else in USA. I set my standards and those are the standards I follow. I set my limits with others and they serve me well, regardless of the gender or age of the other individuals involved.
I am glad that the young women of today are refusing to be quiet. I am proud of them for demanding to be respected and feared. I say we women have fought and feared men long enough. My message to men who prey on women and/or other legally or culturally weaken individuals in our society: "Fear to go there because the worm has turned."
18
I agree with so much of what you write, but fear is not the future. If men fear that women can destroy their livelihoods with an accusation impossible to disprove even 20 or 30 years after the fact, men will not help, hire, promote or engage with women, particularly young women, in the workplace.
Read your last paragraph. Substitute "whites" for "young women" and "black men" "white women" where you write "men who prey on women." It could be a defense of most lynchings, including the murder of Emmett Till.
1
You cannot 'demand' respect - you earn it.
When someone says something 'out of line' dont just smile and bear it; frown at least.
3
Patriarchy did not evolve to advantage men at the expense of women, it survived the centuries of rising civilization and equality by maintaining the prerogatives of the most dominant men at the expense of all other men and women.
Intrinsic in every system to maintain hierarchy is the principle of divide and conquer. That's self-evident in the math. The most certain way to maintain patriarchy is to pit powerless women against powerless men, as Lindy West attempts to do here. If men, in general, are the enemy, women will focus on denigrating and disempowering the most exposed and most plentiful targets: powerless men, leaving dominant men unscathed.
29
A question for male readers -- if you currently fall short of Ms. West's standard for fighting sexism (i.e., anybody other than John Oliver), are you persuaded by this article?
I am not. It isn't because I don't think I could do more as a man (I could) or that I don't care about this issue (I do). But I want to engage as a respected partner in this important conversation. If we accept Ms. West's twin suggestions that (a) men need to fix a mess of their own making, even as (b) men as a near-monolithic block disrespect the #MeToo movement, then we really are doomed.
Of course, there are good arguments to be made that men are better off when women have freedom from harassment and equal representation in the halls of power (e.g., lots of men like work-life balance, too). To bust the glass ceiling, we need the language of inclusion and persuasion -- not shame and blame.
36
The tone of the movement and the tone of your editorial is “us against them” and I am unavoidably part of them. There is simply too much automatic anger at ME to join your movement. Maybe the movement needs to rethink how to brand your movement differently and you may get different results.
43
“Automatic anger”. I find that phrase fascinating. If it does not make sense that someone would feel angry because they are believed to be less valuable because of breasts and a uterus, then I am uncertain as to how we can have a discussion. Of course women are angry, why shouldn’t they be? And why is that anger an automatic no-go? Why can’t women’s anger be understood rather than denigrated? Respected rather than minimized? When a (white) man is angry, he gets heard, problems are solved. When a woman (pick a color) is angry, she is ignored, told she is over-reacting. How is a woman, without cultural support, to fix that? In the meantime, families go unsupported, struggle, fail, and our children suffer, our future suffers. This just makes no sense. Women’s problems are everyone’s problem. Period.
7
Why is it not women's work? If men become involved, we get accused of mansplaining (another hideous neologism from the left), unless we are mute soldiers doing exactly what women want us to do, all the while being held vicariously responsible for the acts of other, male individuals. I'll pass.
Ms. West seems not to comprehend that some people hold views different from hers and if she wants them to change, she'll have to do the work. Besides, as other commenters have noted, there are a whole host of objectionable conditions in the world, and I pick and choose my involvement carefully.
I, for one, am more concerned with the conditions under which animals are kept, bred and slaughtered than with joining, at the rear, Ms. West's battle. I haven't heard that women are confined to spaces barely enough to move in, only to be chopped up and served at the supermarket meat counter, but then again, I'm sure Ms. West can tell me I'm wrong.
25
Yes, some people have views different than the author, but do you want to admit you're one of them?
Years ago at a non-union plant I chaired a workers' committee at my Fortune 1000 company. The committee could not discuss specific cases, but could discuss employee issues involving groups of workers with management. As a younger white, male worker I found I was most persuasive advocating for issues that did not immediately apply to me. Management did not take me to be acting from self-interest, so they were less reflexively resistant to what I said.
My calm, persistent advocasy helped bring positive changes for employees who were older, minorities, and women. I know this works, and have used the technique ever since. Do the right thing, guys!
21
Why are men paid, on average, more than women? For ten of the many reasons, see http://worksnewage.blogspot.com/2015/03/yes-pay-gender-gap-is-real-but-i...
7
Actually, there is only one reason that women are paid less and that is that women and women's work are undervalued so that men can benefit and profit from women's labor and also from women's unpaid domestic labor and unpaid labor in perpetuating the species.
If men valued women's and women's work and time equally with men, women would be paid equally.
38
Here’s the thing. Women are free to make their own choices. They generally make good ones for humanity as a whole but bad for their careers. It’s frustrating but when viewed from an broader standpoint it’s a logical and functional system. What is the option? And before you respond, consider the bigger picture and remember that the choice you make are your own. You can elect anyone you want. You can be a Queen, a prime minister, a CEO and pro wrestler but, in average, you choose to be mothers. You don’t think to ask you husband to take role because you are attracted to it. Is it a businesses role to compensate you as if you had stayed in the workplace? Again. Try to think of the bigger picture. Who raises the next generation? Do we ignore that?
5
If women didn’t have children, our country/society would fail. Jessica Shortall on why we need paid maternity leave: https://youtu.be/SJyE40koQyA
We can be mothers as well as construction workers, surgeons, judges and CEOs, but we can’t do both without childcare, healthcare, and a decent salary.
4
I share West view that gender equality is a human right that all persons have a responsibility to not only respect but promote. As a straight male who has considered himself a feminist since I was 18 I have noted something that may play some role in explaining why, while many whites played important roles in the civil rights movement , not so many men publicly identify with feminism. My suggestion is that it is too often the case that women prefer the companionship of those who have strong male gender identities. If it is the case that one will be passed over by intelligent women in favor of men who hold views that these very women find appalling, then we shouldn't be surprised if young men are drawn to sexist views as an aspect of self presentation. I would also suggest that the fact that 58% of white women voted for Donald Trump is a sign of this. For a candidate, as for a potential dating partner, how can you expect a man to argue strongly for gender equality if you are going to vote for the loudmouth who wears his sexism on his sleeve? Now, I'm not in any way saying that this is the fault of women. In most cultures, for 1000's of years, men have inculcated gender norms that have subordinated women. Traditional gender roles may be safe spaces for one to retreat to. If women do likewise it is not a man's place to blame them. Not as a matter of responsibility but bringing cultural change, women as well as men have to live out gender equality in their life choices.
9
Transphobia is a male invention, as is the sexist word "cis" to describe women, as if they are some version of men. If you want to combat sexism, start by not using sexist terms and erasing the reality of the sex class that is women.
5
"Only 2.6 percent of construction workers are female. We did not install this glass ceiling, and it is not our responsibility to demolish it." The glass ceiling is now to become a construction worker?! hmmm, good job starting 2018 with such a twisted agenda for women's empowerment. I'm going to dig out my phone book and call up my coworkers to encourage their daughters to become construction workers -- forget about being a journalist meeting in "stylish" hotels.
8
Welcome white women - it’s the same issue with racial discrimination and minority advancement. Look at diversity committees at your place of work. Likely loaded with minorities and women begging to be heard. Establishment leadership will work on this problem when it hits them in the pocketbook. Sue the hell out of them, publicly expose and humiliate them. Boycott their products. Vote them out of office. Use your power and stop being “nice”.
10
Because only women can define what sexism is...duh.
6
A pragmatic view would say fixing sexism is the work of women because we have a vested interest in it.
Generally speaking, throughout human history once power is attained by a person or group, it isn't relinquished voluntarily. It is either seized by force ("off with their heads!" and aristocracy) or relinquished when maintaining the status quo becomes too great a burden for those holding power (African-Americans and civil rights movement finally riled enough white politician feathers to get something done, even if they only acted in their own self-interest to stay in office.) Gay and lesbian people have the right to marry now because they mobilized and advocates for themselves and brought it all the way to the Supreme Court.
The work of taking it upon ourselves to fight sexism is complicated by our own psychological indoctrination since childhood to be subservient, not "bossy" and be "good little girls." How many times have we told we "rub people the wrong way" simply for not mincing words? For me, numerous times.
What happens to me if I say to that supervisor "Would you view me that way if I were male, or just see me as someone who is direct and has high expectations for others' work?" He would likely feel attacked and offended and I'd get even more passed over better roles.
As a pragmatist, I think we women need to see the writing on the wall that we are going to bear this burden, just like other marginalized groups who have had to fight for what they deserve.
12
Sexism is not a male invention. Just try applying for a job in a day care center... as a man. Yikes.
16
Yes!
4
Sock it to'em Lindy!
The same goes for racism.
Black people have to organize and fight for their rights of course, and they continue to do so, but white people, both as individuals and as part of organizations, political and otherwise, need to step up big time - way more than they are doing now - both individually and systemically!
8
Writers like Lindy West make a career out of man-bashing and developing a parallel language of pretentious neologisms. They slice the world in half, tell us that we're on the wrong side (and just plain wrong - but don't disagree, that's mansplaining) because of the anatomy we possess. Then they turn around and say, "men, why aren't you leading this fight?"
Well, Lindy. Maybe it's because in all of your columns, you frame it as a fight against me. My lived experience as a gay man doesn't jive with that, sorry.
28
Funny, i didn't read the word "gay" anywhere in this column. So, using that as an excuse is just that: an excuse.
8
/My lived experience as a gay man doesn't jive with that, sorry./
"jive"? That is too funny.
Women are greater than half of the population, yet Donald Trump, a crazy sexist, was elected over a WOMAN! Before you get power you need to know how to use it. As the bestie boys sang; “You got to fight for your right to paaaaarty.”
4
Power is never relinquished voluntarily. Men must see it in their interest to open structures of privilege. Years ago the prediction was that men would change because they cared about their mothers, sisters, daughters and wives. Not so much. Women must develop more alternate sources of influence, connect with each other more deeply, and walk away en masse from oppressive institutions.
9
If only someone was willing to create a program to promote female directors in the film industry, and fund it with, say $5 million. Oh, wait.
"Harvey’s Weinstein’s $5 million pledge to fund an endowment for women filmmakers at the USC School of Cinematic Arts has been rejected by the university, it said today."
1
Be careful what you wish for. Not all women are interested in being sanitation workers, even if it pays more than being a teacher.
8
But that's not your decision to make for others, is it?
13
People don't make decisions on the basis of being shamed and shouted at. Equality has a lot to offer men as well, first and foremost, the chance to step out of a crazed aggressive head space, to feel taken care of, to not always be the sexual initiator, to pursue work previously reserved for women, to be sensitive without feeling ashamed, to possibly live 10 years longer.
15
Why is fighting sexism women's work? Because pretty much everything is women's work. How about all those charities who send you letters saying you should donate to help poor women in the third world, because they will lift their people out of poverty, while the guys hang out at the local tavern? Here's one from an old Ann or Abby advice column I read years ago, "If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you're rid of him for the weekend".
10
Man may work from sun to sun,
But woman's work is never done.
8
Woman's sanctimony (and perception of unique grievance) is never done.
There. Fixed it.
5
It's absolutely our job to fix this.
Don't be ridiculous.
9
Why does a lot of the work need to be done by women? Because women have got a lot of work to do, that's why.
About 45% of American women who cast votes for President in 2016 voted for... wait for it... Donald Trump. Fully 65% of white women without college degrees voted for Donald Trump.
Think y'all got a problem to work on there? Sure as heck looks that way to me. Seems there are likely at least as many boorish, willfully ignorant, self-destructive women as there are boorish, willfully ignorant, self-destructive men. And male or female, they're pretty much living with the government and the culture they've asked for and deserve.
17
Operative words here: without college degrees. That divide is along educational (and economic) lines, not necessarily gender-based ones.
6
Apparently, over 50% of white women voted for Trump.
That doesn't mean they should be harassed or sexually abused. But it isn't something that inspires me to feel like it's my job to end sexism. I volunteered for HRC. I gave her money. I decried the sexism among many Bernie supporters.
And I looked forward to living in this nation when its first woman president took office.
But, hey, in exchange for my disappointment, at least I get to see Al Franken driven from office over...wait...what did he do? How did that Ethics Committee investigation go? Oh, we couldn't wait for due process? No proportionality? Gee, too bad, right?
And Garrison Keillor for causes unknown. And a promising female candidate in Kansas because her company once settled a sexual harassment suit against her.
I want real equality for women. I don't want our nation to look like the latest episode of Real Housewives.
1
Gosh, it seems the problem is that our society loves the big male know it all in the work place. You know, the blow hard. Wow, those guys really get ahead, even if they have no clue. We all know who that guy is. There is always one at every place I have been in. Shesh. You know the guy, low voice, kinda gravely, says it with some kind of authority. That guy typically has not earned it--got there with contacts. Some might call him the big macher. We all know that guy--men too--why would he ever change. He did not get there on merit and he has everything to lose supporting women, especially those that are so clearly better than him.
5
Will take a culture change.
Start with sex ed in middle school as separate classes for boys and girls.
Then need a work culture where guys call each other out when they act like pigs. Need to stop objectifying women, but that also means some modesty. Women need to call each other out when they see manipulation and gold digging, attention seeking thru sex. Porn and prostitution need to go since that is the complete opposite of moving in right direction.
Sorry to be so blunt but thats what needs to be done if you really want lasting change.
3
Eliminate the demand for porn and prostitutes, and the supply will dwindle. So, where do we start? Men! But good luck with that mission.
4
I continue to find it fascinating that someone who is such a supporter of fat acceptance (which has it's roots in the efficacy and necessity of self-compassion) believes the best way to handle any situation dealing with an (to her) other, is to yell at them.
I'm also shocked, shocked I tell you, that men aren't lining up behind her advice to help out by, basically, being more like the author.
There are many ways men can, and do, support women. Whether they overlap with the author's vision of feminism is a question, however.
One thing I've come to believe is that every activist needs to learn one difficult, fundamental lesson if they want to not get on people's nerves: Not everyone is going to share your priorities. It doesn't mean they don't support your cause, and it doesn't mean they don't contribute to it. It means that their life isn't centered around it. Accept that, and find a way that they can help your cause without changing that basic fact, and you'll find yourself with way more supporters.
26
Female mothers of young boys and especially girls talking to their male partners in terms of what kind of world they want for their children - especially girls - in the future is one good point of entry for changing the patriarchy. Telling male partners what they expect from them in terms of involvement/partnership in fighting sexism. As with the problem of bullying education can also be done in the classroom.
5
Of course, almost all the responses to this are men clutching their pearls and aggressively insisting the author make arguments in person.
Instead, I suggest volunteering at a school and tell our young women and boys why you think women don’t deserve equal treatment.
Then take their questions.
13
I do think women deserve full equality!
I also think that if they are accused of sexual misconduct, they deserve due process.
I think the woman who grabbed by backside at a wedding reception, a woman I barely knew, should be treated with kindness and proportionality when the inquest is called! I will note that I did not grab her back in response. Should I hunt her down and demand that her career be ended like Al Franken's? Let me know.
How about the female film producer who once inexplicably began massaging my shoulders during a meeting (with someone else in her office). I had no idea how to respond (true). It was strangely intimate. Somehow, I soldiered on. But shouldn't we contact every male who worked for her, with her, etc., to see if there was a pattern? There sure was a power imbalance! I mean, she's a great person, and I respectfully like her, but come on, massaging shoulders is verboten, right?
4
Maybe “men” are the problem, but am I personally? If I’m not doing enough unless I’m doing “everything”, my earnestness flags. It sounds more like us v them than how do we work together to make a fairer, more just society.
Is Ms. West doing “everything” to fight all the other -isms in our society?
13
I can think of no better argument for distancing oneself from women's battles than Ms. West. Her scowl is not only literal, but a literary genre. If she represented all women, I would be compelled to find a nice ranch to retire to with my dogs.
22
So it's OK for a woman to blame all men for something a few men did, yet if a man criticizes all women for the actions of a few women, it's is OK to try and destroy the man. Seems a bit hypocritical.
I have no leverage. I have no power. I gain nothing by standing up for women. Yet I will be punished by other men in positions of power if I speak up.
Tell me, why I should stand up for no gain.
15
Because do women REALLY want it fixed the way men would fix it? Isn't that how we got a women's rights-supporting rapist and bully like Harvey Weinstein? Certainly men should follow, but if women aren't willing to lead, what kind of equality will they get?
3
Women are willing to lead. Vote for them.
6
I did and would again. I also gave money and volunteered. I convinced a lot of others to give money, to.
Remind me who a majority of white women voted for in 2016?
Okay, I'll tell you: Donald Trump.
Remind me who a bunch of white women I supported demanded resign in 2017?
Al Franken.
This is not going well.
1
Wanna end bad male behavior? Stop rewarding Rich, Alpha, Cocky, Aggressive Men with sex and children as your "foremost" choice.
The sight of women lining up to have wealthy, self avowed "violent" boxer Mike Tyson's babies in the 80's (by the dozens) is a perfect Darwinian example of how the Matriarchy is the cement of the Patriarchy. And the surprise that he and other sports stars, powerful men, etc; have bad traits (physical abuse) that come along with these supposed "good catch" traits never ceases to amaze.
A true gentle soul without a boatload of cash (artist or otherwise) is not high on any woman's list in our society. That has a bit to do with all of this too.
21
An interesting idea about sexual selection. It is true, at some slim level. We are not all living in a disco-club or modeling agency, you must realize. You make a good and interesting point though. Very thoughtful. Also, women also use their "wiles" in this game. BUT, not all women will sacrifice their integrity, sense of being-hood to play to the male ego. Some will, it is true. Not all women are attracted to toxic male-hood, or whatever they are calling it these day. Most men are not harvey weinstein--thankfully--not even close. Most women are making choices in a different niche, so to speak. It is just the little male power, but everywhere and ubiquitous--el presidente-thing in all our lives-- that is the bane of most normal women in the workplace.
3
Well until the MeToo movement doesn't police liars like Leeann Tweeden, who disgraced the movement with a politically motivated lying hit job, it will never be respectable.
If you just let false accusations persist and ruin lives, you've lost all credibility.
20
Lindy, I think the first step would be to allow (yes allow) men to write some of these articles. Perhaps even men who are not feminists themselves could be allowed to write?
Just a thought.
8
Is this a serious question?
It's the job of women to fix this mess for the same reason it was/is the job of blacks to launch and Civil Rights movement and reiterate with Black Lives Matter; for the LGBT community to fight for marriage equality; for Asians, Jews, et al. to combat prejudice and bigotry--if not us, who? Those of us living in the real world know what the workplace will look like if they don't--what it looks like right now.
Life's unfair. Now move on.
6
Please, go to the slums of South Asia and tell women and men there about the oppressive structures you didn't create. The quantity of environmental destruction and human exploitation done to serve the desires of first-world women is non-trival, as well as your collective silence about it, so from one beneficiary of late capitalism to another, #youtoo.
11
Because women think they want the sensitive guy that does yoga and talks about feelings and goes to chick flicks with them, but then they pick the bad boy.
20
70's culture? Not anymore. Adapt.
1
@ Carrie It's 2018 and....Do you realize who the most powerful man in the world is? That he has a Supermodel wife who is pretty much the apex of what Modern western civilization finds attractive? That her husband is a boorish "bad boy" and certainly not a sensitive yoga type? That many, many women voted for him?
Time to update your decade calendar. M is certainly not far off the mark. Point being - adapting to be done on both sides and this article should have mentioned that.
13
From the Forbes list of highest earning male stars of 2017:
Robert Downey Jr. - former drug addict and gun criminal
Vin Diesel - body builder
Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson - bodybuilder, former pro wrestler
Mark Wahlberg - convicted of multiple racist assaults. He remains in All the Money in the World, the film from which Kevin Spacey was erased.
Ever see a movie where Chris Hemsworth keeps his shirt on?
Neither have I.
3
So, in other words, the author wants men to come to the rescue while women sit back and wait to be rescued. Really?
13
How many women post bail for men? Research, and let me know, then we'll know which gender rescues the other the most.
6
Since the vast majority of men never end up in jail that seems rather irrelevant.
6
I think you meant to write, "How many women post bail for men who abuse them?"
Good question. Scary answer.
4
The Bolsheviks didn’t install the Czar, either. I wonder how they managed to win without John Oliver?
3
Equality is the worst thing to fight for. There is no fairness in equality. There is fairness in Mertocratic hierarchies, and only in those hierarchies. A capable male programer was fired from Google for expressing a political opinion that very much had to do with fairness in his workplace. I'm sure that made more room for the diversity program to ruin meritocratic hierarchies by hiring someone who fits a certain demographic. Before you rail on me for being against the idea of equality in general, think if you had brain cancer and your choice for brain surgeon was one who got the job because he was the most qualified, or because those hiring him were concerned with equality. I would want the former. Unfortunately it seems that most NYTimes readers and editors would prefer the latter.
9
Did you read it in its entirety? I did. Yes, it was an "opinion". And not a particularly political one, or even an informed one, unless you think that astrology is to psychology as palm-reading is to cardiology. Look at the sources; then decide if you'd have a heart surgeon operate on you with as little knowledge as the Google writer.
1
Thread winner.
2
Thanks BROTHER!!! Gotta keep up the good fight against the ideas of the brainwashed, not against the brainwashed themselves. The brainwashed are ultimately redeemable, even though they don't seem like it. I believe everyone has a capacity for reason, even though they don't seem like it.
Why? Because women are the ones who care.
What, no mother? No sisters? No nieces? No daughters? No soul?
4
You go girl!!! I'll catch you on the flip side
2
Lindy, your article is ridiculous. These are important issues, but the tone of this article is itself an example of gender stereotypes. When a woman is hurt, saying to a man "I hate you, it's all your fault, you have to fix it all right now, give me what I want or I will make you sorry!" may be emotionally satisfying, but does not leave much room for real problem-solving. I am a man - I have had female bosses do me favors because they were attracted to me, and other female bosses abuse their power, even taking work away from me, explicitly because I am a man, and give it to a woman. I have also had abusive male bosses. This is about abuse of power, not the relative integrity of men and women. Ban all men from twitter? Hysterical prejudice. It is obvious that there are pluses and minuses to all traditional gender roles. If we want progress, talk about the needs of both men and women, don't just stand there being angry at men. There are plenty of ways women are more protected and valued than men. Your article seems to rest on a cultural assumption that women are fundamentally good, and men are not. Take a look at that assumption and let us know how we can all get past it.
21
This is America in 2017, not the Soviet Union in 1956. If women are not happy with the male power structure in any business, they can leave and do their own thing, whether it is a university like Smith or Barnard, a TV production company like that of Shonda Rhimes, or a startup like the Pinnacle Group. Every executive -- male or female -- I know will take their business to the company that is both 1% better and 1% less expensive than all the rest, whether its workforce is predominantly male, female, or from the planet Lovetron. Stop expecting men to fix it and just do it.
9
Stop blaming women for being a female! Think about that for a while.
2
Only 2.6 percent of construction workers are female
Right, now why doesn't the author share with us what percentage of women apply for construction jobs. Probably 99.8% of all construction applicants are male thus proving that women are landing more jobs than the percentage of women applying.
More whining and asking someone else to do the work for them. Buck up or shut up.
11
I would argue there are few women in those roles because for generations we've been socialized by parents to believe building trades aren't for us. I'm in my 30s and I remember as a kid of 5 or 6 asking why I didn't see women working construction. "Honey, that's because construction work is for men because they are bigger and stronger." As an impressionable kid, I filed that away as fact and continued on my way accordingly.
3
It's tragically hilarious how many men think "women's issues" don't affect them and thus, why should they care? How many of you were born from a man? If you were, please notify the NY Times so you can be front-page news. How many of you were raised by a woman? Do you have daughters, wives, sisters, aunts, girlfriends, etc.? If you do, 'women's issues" affect you. Even going by something as mundane as salaries, you may need to work longer, harder, or a job you don't like because your wife, girlfriend, sister, mom can't afford to contribute more to the household income because of salary inequalities. If your wife/ girlfriend/ one night-stand can't get an abortion, guess what? You're going to be a dad whether you like it or not. On the other side, forget about children: no one has the time to care for them nor the money to afford good childcare.
9
You could of course also point out that every woman also has a father. Many will marry and have sons. Some will inherit wealth from fathers and husbands who die before they do.
IOW men and and women are irretrievably interconnected, which is why West's hate filled rant is so ridiculous. Men fight, struggle and die in order to pass on a better standard of living to those they care about, many of whom are women. This piece ignores that.
10
Lilo, I don't have to point that out because women are already involved in "men's issues." Just go to any PTA meeting and see how many women are there because of their sons, not just their daughters. Who takes care of men when they get old/ sick? Women primarily. The opposite is less common: husbands are 7 times more likely to leave their wives when they get seriously ill. And you will rarely -- I've never seen it in this paper -- see women wash their hands of issues that affect primarily men/ males and say only men need to solve them. Alcoholism? Methamphetamine abuse? Prostate cancer? ADHD? Autism? X-linked genetic diseases? "Not my problem."
On the other side, I could also ask you "Why didn't you write that women also fight, struggle and die to pass on a better standard of living to those they care about?" You do know that women also are involved in wars, work multiple jobs, and also die to try to support their families don't you?
4
@Ms, this paper almost never writes sympathetically, or for that matter, AT ALL, about issues that impact men.
West, Gay, Faludi and most of the other writers the NYT features give the distinct impression that they think that men in general are less than. Men pick up on that.
In the real world men and women BOTH need each other and support each other. West's piece misses that. As I wrote above it is not productive to yell at and insult people 23 hours a day and then spend 1 hour asking why the people you're blasting aren't showing up to support your preferred policies.
2
Women have to be the leaders in this because men are clueless in this arena. Sorry gals. This is on us! But, it means we have to tell men, this is what is going on and this is what you need to do. If you don't do it, this will be our response.
5
Wage and salary inequalities require government intervention. Even employers who would equalize wages for men and women must consider how this affects their competitiveness in the market place. In any business where there are considerable numbers of women and the industry underpays them, no single employer may be able to afford to pay equal wages without losing competitiveness. The government can correct this by making it mandatory for all employers to pay people with equal responsibilities and skills and experience in the same jobs, the same rates, this way the competitiveness issue goes away. Protect whistleblowers from retaliation for speaking up about failures to comply with the laws. Impose serious fines and licensing conditions to make non-compliance a truly poor choice. This is one of those situations where relying on markets will perpetuate bad behavior.
2
“Sexism is a male invention. White supremacy is a white invention,”
Well, we’re off to a really good start here, aren’t we? You really expect men to respond to this stuff? Please get outside your gender-head for a moment and read some Mark Lilla, who points out how identity politics ends up hurting the very causes it espouses. Think about how what this cult of victimhood has cost the politics of the common good. we are have in common. Come and talk to me about a social vision that includes men and women and all shades of skin in a common effort to save our foundering democracy. Talk to me about filling potholes and building new bridges. Talk to me about healthcare and economic inequality. Then we can start to talk about how ALL of us can enable more women to gain power in the worlds of work and politics.
21
Sure. I'll get right on that.
4
Who will design the system that will hold men accountable for not doing enough? What is the penalty for staying out of it? Without a clear procedure, this op ed is a stirring rant, but that’s about it.
2
I'd like to help, but per your column, Ms. West, you don't really want me without sufficient genuflection and groveling to atone for the sins of every other bad male who ever lived.
You're angry and we all understand why. But demeaning and denouncing all men isn't exactly a great male recruitment strategy. Who wants to help someone who hates them?
19
I've been a liberal since middle school. I hung out with liberals in college and graduate school (in San Francisco) I still hang out with liberals. What exactly is it that men do here? About sexism, or racism? Here is the message that I've received from "the people in charge." As a white heterosexual cis-gender male, I must NOT try to fix things, I must not try to speak for anyone else, I must not speak OVER anyone else, I must check my privilege before speaking, because of my privilege I don't understand how the world really works.
I leads me to understand that I'm not really welcome, not really invited, not really included. Not really welcomed in the "Women's March" or the panel discussion planned, produced, and facilitated 100% by women. I recently attended a six session webinar on racism. It was produced and facilitated by Women of color, Our local audience was 24 women and 2 to 4 men. The webinar featured only token male participants, no male perspectives, no male stories. Have we forgotten Trayvon Martin?
Feminists, and feminists of color, are excluding men and rendering us invisible. If you invite us, welcome us, and include us, we might start showing up. Liberal organizations and institutions don't care if no men show up.
21
Listen - that’s what you do! You seem to think that the only way you are participating in the conversation is by talking about yourself and hearing stories about men like you. That’s completely missing the point. This isn’t centered around you! That doesn’t mean you’re unwelcome to listen or to participate in the struggle. It just means you cannot expect to come in and own it.
1
Hollywood celebrities are going to wear black on the red carpet for the Golden Globes? My, they are sacrificing.
10
I expect that fighting sexism will remain primarily women's work, because the work of dismantling oppressive systems is almost always driven by the oppressed.
That said-- all movements can use allies, so find (and accept) yours, and be one to others.
5
The MAJORITY of women who voted in the last US presidential election chose Donald Trump, a self-admitted and unapologetic serial abuser of women. If women cannot even agree on the terms of the argument, how can anyone expect men to "fix sexism"? Moreover, as long as overcoming sexism is defined as greater advancement of women in a social and economic system that favors competition over cooperation, the results will simply be rewarding women who ape the bad behavior of traditional alpha males.
6
Fair points. I would just point out that a slight majority of women overall voted for Clinton. But a slight majority of WHITE women voted for Trump.
https://qz.com/833003/election-2016-all-women-voted-overwhelmingly-for-c...
1
The voice that stops me from expressing my feelings is patriarchy. As a "man" it took me 20 years of hard "Man's Work" to learn that. In a not so funny twist Mx West and the aggressive feminism she speaks for has a symbiotic relationship to patriarchy. "Feel the Power of the Dark side...?" How long will it take for you to learn that. It is unfortunate that her reference to "women's work" suggests a misreading of the historic distribution of labor required for survival and how it's legacy has manifested to this day. Men have been working to fix sexism. Why is it that Mx West thinks Men think fixing sexism is Women's work?
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
Pretty sure it's because fighting sexism is usually unpaid, invisible and affective labor. Which, historically, have been the defining factors of women's work.
5
Whatever else they may think about feminism and feminists, men can call sexual harassment what it is: a special form of bullying that is most often (but not exclusively) aimed at women. Most men have been (or should have been) taught that a) bullying is wrong, b) bullying will continue unless someone other than the immediate victim does something and c) they too are potential targets. (Heterosexual men can imagine their boss as 6’5” , 250lb gay man aggressively cornering them at the office Christmas party, if that helps paint a picture.)
Bullying also requires a nuanced response in order to ensure that the target is sufficiently supported and empowered. My playground rule was to watch carefully and wait to see how the target first handles the situation before moving in with support. Otherwise, the target may not have the chance to show the ability to conquer the situation, and you wind up showing disrespect for their power and robbing them of a publicly empowering (See the movie ‘Wonder’). The time to step in is when it becomes clear that the bully has the advantage and/or the target signals a need for support.
3
I worked in a environment where women outnumbered men by 10 to 2. I have never seen a more vindictive and vicious group of individuals in one place before or since.
17
I work in a women's university overseas. The "old girl" network is every bit as corrupt and nepotistic as any "old boy" network. Unless a movement is defined as egalitarian and humanistic as its basis, count me out.
10
I’ve worked in both male and female dominated environments. My anecdotal experience is the complete opposite of yours. Neither matter much, being anecdotal.
1
My experience reporting to female bosses has been so bad over my 25 year career that I have sworn never to agree to report to a woman again.
4
We women are intimately familiar with the way sexism works, but many men aren’t. They slip effortlessly into their conditioned roles and don’t see why anything should change. In fact, there’s a price to it. If he “steps down” to the level of women, he will be perceived as a wuss or effeminate, at least that’s the conditioning. The men who step out for women are brave, and confident, because they know that standing up for the injustice around women won’t cost them their identity.
I think we’re pushing the standards of behavior—the worst apples know they can’t get away with it—but it’s still slow. It just is. We’re all struggling with downward mobility; for guys, not being able to provide threatens a core aspect of their identities, as does not being big, alpha, whatever. It’s easy to point a finger at women as the culprit, and I would wager there’s a hidden benefit, too—putting women back in their place would mean a return to the old order would mean restored masculinity.
1
Women in college now outnumber their male counterparts by about 60-40 percent. Women don't care about the inequity. So far as they're concerned this is evidence of women being more academically gifted and motivated. Will women help sound the alarm that "the system" is failing young boys? Nah. Why? Because it's not really about achieving equality. There is no upper bound when it comes to rabid self-interest groups.
10
The Achilles heel of women with regard to gender equality has historically been, and continues to be, their adherence and devotion to organized religion. These women must either remain devoted to a patriarchical system which permeates every aspect of human culture and which ensures gender inequality in favor of a male deity, or they must give up their devotion to patriarchy and choose to exercise their efforts toward independence and on behalf of gender equality. Like slavery, it is a massive yoke to throw off.
6
Men need to intervene when we see an infringement of any basic human right.
There is right and there is wrong.
Our families, schools and media have largely abdicated their responsibility to teach this by example or through education.
It will get worse until virtue becomes fashionable again.
1
As a professional female with 30+ years in the workforce (in a male-dominated field, no less), whose own experience I think/hope is typical of most women, I feel obligated to chime in on a few points:
- The vast majority of men aren't the culprits of sexism sexual misconduct. Most men are as disgusted as women that such behavior exists. After all, decent men who know right from wrong would rather not be painted with the same hideous brush as the small but powerful minority of their gender who have abused their positions in any fashion.
- While it is definitely possible and desirable to suggest and implement structural changes to end sexism and abuses of power, some people's biggest opportunity to bring about change will always be serendipitous. Very simply, if a colleague (or yes, even a superior) says/does something questionable, rude or crude, call him out on it, preferably in that moment. Silence is complicity.
- Finally, men are not the enemy. Every man is a potential ally. To think otherwise is counterproductive. As the sole female on my team, I feel confident (and fortunate, though I wish every working woman could take it for granted) that each of the five males I interact with daily has my back. And I trust they know I have theirs.
The Us vs. Them that may fix these problems isn't Men vs. Women. It's People Who Respect Each Other's Professionalism (and Boundaries) vs. People Who Don't.
41
Just so! Thank you! I cannot believe how many people think the fight for equality is "far-left" and "identity politics" that has nothing to do with them. By definition equality is everyone's right and responsibility.
2
Received a copy of Mary Beard's "Women and Power" book for Christmas, as did my sisters and nieces. I read it straight through, nodding my head along the way. When I finished the manifesto, I was re-energized and ready to start challenging our assumptions about power and leadership. It was only later that I thought, why weren't copies of Beard's book given to the my brothers and nephews as well?
9
As a nonprofit communications professional, I have learned that you can't trust people to do something because it's the "right thing to do." Or a vague sense of acting for the common good. Most people are motivated by self-interest. It needs to be made explicitly clear how a particular action will benefit them personally. Using the example of homelessness, it's not sufficient to say eradicating it is a moral issue (which it is) -- most citizens need to be reminded that funding homeless programs will benefit them personally through improved quality of life, safety, public health, etc.
If men have benefited from a patriarchal society, they must see a tangible benefit in it being demolished. I applaud many of the author's challenges to the male elite -- but unless they grasp why such action will improve their lives I doubt they will act.
4
I have been a lifelong male advocate for women's conditions in the workplace, but one the things that shocked me is how many women (and women's organizations) told me they didn't want men to help them or be part of my organization - including some women I count as my friends. The sentiment has been expressed to me (by self-professed feminist women) that there is a level of female camaraderie for women advocating for their fellow community of women that would be ruined if men were added to the mix. I have been told that there is a level women power to owning a women's only organization or women's movement and men, however with good intentions, are would been seen potentially violating that private space. Yes, I also encountered many men who shy away from being an advocate for women. However, before that can even start, this subtle but very real and potent desire by some women's groups to not invite men needs to addressed. As for myself, I still continue my advocacy for women, but I am much more keenly aware of who and what organizations welcomes me to be part of the team and which one sees me as uninvited guest.
8
You bring up s good point. I’m a woman and was upset when none of my male friends spoke up in support of the #MeToo movement and friends that told their stories . It’s disappointing and made me angry. That feeling may also lead women to want to fight this in a women only coalition. That issue should be addressed because we can’t fight in a closed off manner. I think, in that perspective, it would be worthwhile for men to address other men about behavior and how society’s warped ideas of masculinity feeds it and social norms allow it and start the discussions that aren’t getting started due to current tensions. It does need to expand to involve men and women but it make take baby steps before we can mobilize together. The Women’s March wasn’t just women . There were hundreds of thousands of men marching too so I think we can get there.
3
I think it's perfectly OK for women's organizations to exclude men for these reasons, which seem quite sensible to me. What is not OK with me is when men are berated for not joining these organizations after they have been so excluded. That is what Ms West's article is doing. She should at least acknowledge that this attitude in feminist organizations is quite common (I have also encountered it) and that she is now telling her sisters that this attitude is mistaken. Instead she is angrily attacking men for doing what they were asked to do, because that is the only approach that fits her narrative that men are always the villains and women are always the victims.
I still enjoy reading her thought provoking columns. But these are the thoughts they provoke.
Why Is Fixing Sexism Women’s Work? Because if men do anything about it, they will be accused of being White Male Saviors, and if they say anything about it, they will be accused of Mansplaining.
56
What is it with men? They get a cold and it's like they've got the bubonic plague. You throw a little shade at them and they act like JC on the cross.
1
Tru that.
1
Oh just like women who assert themselves are bossy and domineering and women who stay quiet are meek and acquiescent?
This is our daily existence: damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Too bad I can’t just “choose” to just not exist in the modern world the way men can “choose” to stay quiet about the #metoo movement.
3
Hey NYT, have you got an mind that is open enough to consider what all people have experienced, both women and men???
I worked for many years in a very large oganization where 87% of the workforce were women.
I observed that women can have the same bad habits that men have.
So, about stop depicting women as helpless victims, and men as insatiable sexual predictors?
How about depicting them as people, and getting everybody on board for examining themselves and behaving in a civil way?
Daryl
32
Bingo.
2
Because you let it happen.
3
If we men, as a group, are a lost cause, here's a good place to start - the majority of your white sisters voted for Trump.
22
One helpful thing men can do is to speak up when another man is casually disrespectful of women. You don't need to do much, a simple, "not cool" will register your protest. We all treat casual misogyny as the salt in the ocean we swim in.
Call it out. Call it out on internet message boards. Call it out on Stocktwits. Call it out on Gaming sites. Call it out in all those places men like to think of as "theirs." Don't ignore or accept it.
It's real simple. Next time a young man jokes that he's going to put his girlfriend on the street corner so he can get money to buy more shares of some penny stock, say something. Anything. Like, "how immature and stupid."
27
Lindy, would you run for president? Please?!
5
Well said!
5
As a heterosexual white male, I'm all in favor of a conversation:
Why was I expected to give up my dreams upon marriage and start "pulling the load"? When did I become an ox? Why were you free to "find yourself"? Why did finding yourself mean you work part-time and don't pull in enough in a month to pay the mortgage on a house you insisted I buy? Why do I fork over every penny of wages from a job I hate so that you can spend it all, and a little more? Why must I endure your every petulant outbreak, your cutting asides, your constant direction, pointing out where I have done something wrong and advice on how to do it right, in silence and a smile? Why do I have to play the same Dad role that I have had to play since the invention of television: the Bungling, Affable, Clueless Buffoon? Why am I nothing but a small home appliance repairman and a human ATM? Why do you and your friends share quiet snorts of condescension in my direction over overly sweet Chardonnay, an attitude that seems to have passed on to my daughters? Why do you pass menopause and coast on the still waters of sexual quiescence, and I must I be the supportive, sexless husband? Why, if you choose to leave because I am a bore (because of my job, which you couldn't describe on a bet) do you leave with half? For life?
I want you to be equal, I really do. Do you know what that even means?
66
Your post breaks my heart! Sounds like a marriage I wouldn't want to be in as the man or the woman.
I don't think modern marriages are like that as frequently. In part that's because of economic realities (who can afford a mortgage and family without two full-time incomes these days?) but gendernormative roles really are diminishing. The 1950s-style marriage you describe would be intolerable to most of my peers (we're in our 30s), male and female.
You're clearly very angry and hurt, and based on what you describe rightfully so. But to answer your question: yes. Your wife might not know what she's asking for when she asks for equality, but the vast majority of us today do. We've already grown up to expect a completely different male/female dynamic than you've described, a much richer and happier one in which responsibility and respect are shared equally. Today, most marriages are true partnerships. I'm sorry that you and your wife never got to experience the joy of a marriage that is a true partnership.
10
This is sad. I'm sorry to hear it. I'm also glad that it is not descriptive of the lives of my friends and family. It sounds very dated, but perhaps it's true for you. And sad.
4
I am sorry to hear about your marriage struggles. You and other men need to learn to manage this dysfunctional marriage dynamic and not take it out on your female colleagues at work. There are bad marriages, that I am sure of, but those in them should not make punish women in their workplace. We are not your wives.
6
You want to fix things? Then stop ranting and take some responsibility for your own mess. Stop worshipping alpha males as women have done since the dawn of evolution. Stop awarding custody to women who are manifestly unfit to raise kids. Stop awarding ruinous alimony settlements to perfectly able women who just got bored with their partners. And stop acting like women are any less ruthless and greedy in the workplace than men.
46
It falls to women because most men don't see or experience the inherent limitations built into the world that they have created that work against women. If the reactions of men over the past month are any guide, quite a few of them see nothing wrong with making an occasional pass at a coworker whether she's an equal or not. And while most men don't want to see their daughters treated poorly in the workplace, in public, or in a relationship, that doesn't translate to changing the workplace or their actions towards other women.
Men don't understand why calling women hon, dearie, babe, and other, less complimentary names is irritating. Even when we confront them they think it's nothing. As a woman who has worked in IT, a largely male field, it's not nothing. It's demeaning but even more demeaning are the responses I receive when I tell someone nicely that my name is not hon, dearie, or something else.
Men put women into no-win situations when it comes to harassment, work, their reproductive lives and then refuse to take responsibility for their contribution to untenable situations. It's a fairly straight line to poverty or being unable to save for retirement when your employer underpays you because of your gender. Another straight line is the lack of mentoring for women to our place in the executive suite or making important decisions because we are deprived of the encouragement offered to our male counterparts.
6
It took me a long time to realize that the use of affectionate terms like "honey" and "dear" for woman colleagues are inherently demeaning. I still have to catch myself on those, and I hope the women to whom I still accidentally use them will forgive me for it. Old habits die hard.
There is, however, no way I could have figured that out on my own without the help of women who explained it to me, and women writers who created contexts which enabled me to experience them as demeaning. I wish there was someway that task should be removed from women's shoulders but I don't see how anyone can do it if they haven't experienced what it is like to be a woman.
3
Whatever. I'm so over this subject. All im now hearing is "blah, blah, blah"
21
The wives of patriarchs could help simoly by rolling over in bed, looking their spouse in the eye, and asking “how many of your compnay’s named executive officers are women?” If the answer isn’t half, then stop pandering and help your man get up to speed.
3
Nah, the wives of the Patriarchs just want their man to get out there and make as much money as possible at anyone else's expense because theirs are the most important little mouths to feed and little feet to shoe.
That's what's at the bottom of all of this.
10
You'll see lots of corporations give lip service to "diversity" while the boards have, at best, a token female
Leadership starts from the top, fellas. Dare to be great.
7
Why the reference to "men" as if they are one big group of sameness? Also, how about getting many women to change. Y'know, the ones who encourage sexism with everything from their "smoky eyes" and bared breasts, to their camel toes and ridiculous high heels? Men, solely, are not the problem. Society as a whole is.
22
It is one thing to know something, a whole other thing to be able to act on it. Fixing sexism is women's work. It'd be nice to have Dudley Do Right swoop in and save us from the train of mysogyny that is coming at us, but it isn't happening.
What's needed? Critical Thinking skills. Men, If you want to do something and don't know what, can I beseech you to head to sign up for an Introduction to Philosophy class at your local community college? Learn about rhetoric and how to win a debate. It's more fun than a video game - you'll be able to shoot down bad thinking all around you. Don't you want the guy who is spewing fascist thoughts at you to be the one who becomes speechless? You can do this for us.
There is more. Resilience building. We need more than a march, resistance, and a moment, we need momentum.
We don't know what to do, we are splintered in our specialized ways of caring, so let's come together. Protest? Donate? Wait for one person to stand and get assassinated? Is it working?
Let's unite. An Army of Care. Let's move toward what we want not just resist. Let's understand that some of us need support to build resilience and conviction. Like Paulette and Elle in Legally Blonde, we need to put aside our ideas of what to do and just come together and bond, and build a sense of belonging. And prosocially, is my request. Stop catching the contagion of violence. Let's just get out there and volunteer in our schools, hospitals, let's actually save the whales. And the humans.
2
Because men have no incentive to make things more fair, duh.
14
Ms. West, you are the reason I pay for this subscription. When is your next book coming? We need you!!!
7
We should ask men to get pregnant for us too. Then they’ll really mobilize.
4
We should ask women to fix the washer, change the light bulb, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, carry the groceries and luggage, paint the house, pick up the dead mouse. . .
5
...and die on average 10 years earlier
4
Publius, I do all of those things AND raise my kids.
Another tone deaf #BlameMen rant that forgets to state the obvious: feminism is no longer about gender equality but about whatever a minority of elite women consider the biggest insults against their in-group. Gender disparity that favors females? That's untouchable.
29
Anyone wondering why "fake news" has become a mantra of both the right and left has only to consider this: West's column is appearing on the front page of the NY Times on-line edition.
Fake news began with abandoning factualism, and letting opinions replace facts.
14
This polarization is something which should not be addressed to LGBTQIA guys. Rage at outrageousness is justified but there are men &especially gay men who are in the #metoo orbit. Playwright Dr. Larry Myers , Director of The Playwrights Sanctuary & affiliated with St. John s University was the hit of recent blizzard dumped upon Trump rally at his hotel on a snowy Saturday. Myers' play "Triumph of the Other Isis" is opening soon -- controversial & most supportive. Myers own more inclusive movement "#Ialso" has been ignited in Arizona -- good ole boy West Republican land. A resistance theater foundation battling elder abuse, environmental rape & persecution of Native Americans & gays
2
"So far, men have treated #MeToo like a bumbling dad in a detergent commercial: well-intentioned but floundering, as though they are not the experts."
This is pretty condescending. And it's not accurate. Misogynistic men have been cautiously hostile to #MeToo. Feminist men who have ventured a response have often been told it's not enough, or it's too much, or it's not their place, or whatever. Which hands the misogynistic men another cudgel, and their hostility will gradually become less cautious.
Are you sure it's not women treating men like bumbling dads in a detergent commercial? Women need to understand the degree to which the "fat guy -- skinny wife" trope of sitcoms is not just male wish fulfillment -- it is also female self-image enhancement.
14
One small quibble with your point (which overall I agree with): it’s largely men who show-run television shows, so I don’t think you can say it’s women who are perpetuating the fat man/skinny wife trope. Admittedly I’m not familiar with every single show led by a woman, but the few that come readily to mind such as Girls and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend feature women who are not stick-figure skinny in romantic relationships with men who have average to slim builds.
In terms of what men can do, I'd settle for them just avoiding the phrase "this is a witch hunt!" or threatening to never hire a woman again because heaven forbid they say something that would get "misunderstood" and their career would be over! As if women are sitting around looking for reasons to accuse someone of harassment, like that's so much fun for us -- instead of women just wanting to do their jobs in peace like everyone else.
I would start with asking men to stop being defensive and realize that if you're not a power-hungry jerk with a fragile ego, a stalker-ish abusive personality, and bad boundary issues, you don't have to worry that anyone is "coming after" you.
13
It's women's work because women are the ones whining about this.
If they want something, they can "man" up and act like any other self-respecting group who's managed to get what they want, despite the odds.
Whining for others to do your work for you probably isn't the best way to get the support you need. But what do I know? I'm just a poor. self-satisfied schmo who leads a pretty good life and provides for others, not by moping and playing the victim, but by working hard to get what I want. Duh!
13
In 1985 I took over a combined software and hardware development group in i high tech company. The group was all men. There was soft core porn on the lab bulletin board and and the conversations tended toward "locker room talk". I had watched my wife go through some very bad experiences as a young woman lawyer. I felt that while I was unable to help her I would do what I could to help women in my company. I made a determined effort to change my department. I started by taking down the porn an I convinced a very talented woman within the company to join my group. I scoured incoming resumes for strong women candidates and yes I gave them preference in the interview process. To keep the process fair I did not do anything to favor women in the final hiring decision. I let them sell themselves. The ratio of men to women gradually changed to close to 50% over a two year period. I knew I had won the battle when One of my mangers admitted that he wanted to have the stellar woman candidate he just interviewed in his group instead of a problem male employee currently in his group. It may seem obvious but it was a revelation for him. The point is if I could do this in high tech in 1985 there is no excuse now in any when there are so many qualified women in every field. Men can help if they just make an effort.
28
Thanks JS. There are so many defensive comments and a lot of vitriol in this discussion but most women are hoping for more men who will simply be willing to work as you have to promote more balance. The reality is that we know that if more men use their positions of influence in this way, fixing this will become a lot more possible.
9
Thank you JS. It’s really lovely to hear your story, but also to feel the empathy for your wife that you have shine through so clearly. It can be very disheartening to read a litany of comments saying that women aren’t doing feminism right or that we should try to be nicer about it or stop whining or not be angry.
Thank you for the work you did on behalf of women at your company.
I've seen Matt Damon attacked mercilessly for wanting to wade in. Are you kidding me? The vultures want their pound of flesh and will take it from any guy who stumbles in his attempt to help. No thanks.
29
You won't make it work if men are the enemy. Whether intentional and warranted or not, this moment certainly points to men as a group as the enemy. Don't look for active engagement very soon under the current circumstances. The nonphotogenic black dresses will not help.
11
I remember Obama once said about whether the black community should have to help itself or rely on the white community to lift it up, that he is not an "either/or" guy, he's an "and/both" guy. I think the same logic applies here.
15
Only 2.6% of women are construction workers. That is because women want equal access to being doctors, execs and lawyers, not plumbing or laying bricks. I have never seen an article or op ed discussing this. Remember when women were allowed to sign up for the draft? Crickets? No one cares. We fight for solid six figure job equality, nothing less.
Also saying everything is the man's fault is lazy.
21
Men are not interested in dismantling patriarchy because they lack the imagination to understand how patriarchy harms them too.
Thus the #MeToo movement must take a carrot/stick approach. The stick has materialized at long last: men are finally threatened with actual consequences for their depraved, entitled, narcissistic abuses.
Now that we have their attention, it might be a good time to demonstrate some of the benefits of ending patriarchy. Like less stress (because you're not the sole financial support of your family, and can afford vacations and part-time employment), better sex (women who feel safe are sexual dynamos), more friends (learn some social competence, dudes! It's fun!), and a generally less vicious, more nurturing society.
9
Once you say that everything is white men's fault, I stop listening. If there is no shared responsbility, there is no conversation. I suspect many feel this way.
21
Men, in general, won't change their actions until it becomes more unpleasant for them to keep on as they are than to change. Such change won't happen till enough women provide unpleasant enough consequences to enough men for those men to agree that changing is better than keeping on as they are, and they pressure other men to change, too. Human beings generally operate this way around change.
Sure, we need more men (and more women, too) to agree that our society must change. But we women can't just expect men to change it for us. We need to keep laying on the pressure, too, or change won't happen.
4
I hear you, but... just as white folks should not be taking charge of BLM, men should not be taking charge of the fight against sexism. We should be fighting, to be sure, but when oppressors fight, we often don't know what our targets should be, what actions to take, and so forth.
I guess I'm saying, as a white male high school teacher, tell me what you want me to do. I am a foot soldier: give me my marching orders. Otherwise, I run the risk of fighting sexism in everyone but me, and that won't help.
1
Thank you Lindy, absolutely perfectly expressed.
5
Yes, it is women's work; specifically, mothers of boys and men. Time to sit them down at the kitchen table...
3
This is not a new opportunity. Women have been raising boys for a really long time, right? One can't complain that men don't play a sufficiently involved role in child rearing while at the same time not assume responsibility for how the boys turn out as men. "But it's the patriarchy," you might say. "The patriarchy forced women to raise sexist men." The problem is that becomes a very circular and hopeless explanation. The NYT needs to stop giving a platform to over-exposed and angry opinionators like West and find more thoughtful and diverse voices including those that would express some of the men's perspectives robustly expressed in this and similar comment sections. By the way, I don't know how the NYT pics are selected but they certainly don't reflect the predominant responses to this column.
4
Time’s Up will only help women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted. They have deliberately excluded male victims.
According to National Crime Victimization stats 38% of sexual assault victims are male. And a majority of their assailants are women.
That is a sexism problem Lindy West and Time’s Up and women generally. could have chosen to address. But they didn’t.
For them the millions of male victims and millions of women abusers don’t exist.
9
WPLMMT's comments need to be appreciated, too. (I hope she's a real woman, not a male imposter): "As a woman, I would prefer working for a man when a woman. Woman can be overly critical, jealous and mean. Let's not criticize and demean the opposite sex or we may find ourselves without any of them in our presence. I think this is what some women want. Some women do not like men and let's be honest. They blame them for all their shortcomings and failings." As for me, I've been verbally bullied in the workplace by more than one woman. And as a college teacher in both the United States and Japan, it was not uncommon for some of the more flirtatious young women to park their sometimes poorly covered breasts on my desk. That's sexual harassment too. Oh, that's right--only men do inappropriate things. In real albeit anecdotal life, there are a some couples in which the woman is unpleasantly physically dominant.
7
Repudiating responsibility. It is someone else's fault. That isn't going to work.
We made this world. Is it time for a change in how it works? Apparently. So, please, get on with it.
2
Whatever good points Lindy West makes, I'm sick and tired of her generalizations and her stereotyping of the genders. I don't trust anyone who steam rolls over individuals in order to make her point. It is people like her who are no less dangerous than the demons against whom she rails.
21
Construction work is the glass ceiling? Is this parody? Nurses are 92%+ female, and the average pay of an RN was $71,000 per year in 2015. The average construction worker made $35,750 in 2014, and that's reported salaries--I'm willing to bet that if you got someone able to ask the day laborers often picked up to work off the books, you'd find lower pay is normal. On top of that, construction work is among the hardest and most dangerous in the country. Construction consistently leads in total deaths, nearly 900 last year. The only industries with higher rates of injury are likewise male-dominated: the top five deadliest jobs are logging, fishing, pilots and flight engineers, roofers (construction industry) and garbage.
Tone-deaf, unreasoned whining like this undermines not only feminism but the entire political left. People like Lindy West should be getting checks from Vladimir Putin and the Koch brothers for doing all the work that those gentlemen otherwise would have had to pay agent provacateurs to do, were it not being supplied gratis. Be the change you seek Lindy: go and negotiate yourself a decent stipend and demand to get paid at least as much as the best male internet troll they employ.
16
Power is not ceded by the powerful....you must claim it for yourself...or live (or die) as a subject of it. This is how all life works...opportunism is built into the project of life. Nature isn't timid, nature is ruthless in pursuit of her eat or be eaten realism.
Given that truth...now what? It is and will be an eternal struggle. Men use their advantages, whites use their advantages, taller people use their advantages, rich people use their advantages, 9th graders use their advantages over 8th graders, mean girls use their advantages over wannabes...hard but true. We're primates.
I know no easy answers. We have to fight for a piece of the pie...every piece, every day. Government can help with laws for fairness but most of all, culture counts.
3
"Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed." Martin Luther King
Same for Power
Sisters...Get a grip, don't kid yourselves even "progressive" men will substantively assist in correcting patriarchal oppression. The current paradigm has always relied upon women not having the guts or grit to fight their own cause. I despair when I read this kind of article/comments written by women unhappy with the status quo. It only supports the patriarchal assumption of the "weaker" sex.
6
"You know what you could do to help? Everything."
Imagine someone saying that to you. I am on your side that men like me need to step up but your eyes, like mine did, would roll back and you'd lose interest immediately.
In general, your message about men needing to take accountability is not objectionable. It is your delivery. Nothing about how you write makes men answer your call. You run right back into the problem you describe of being in a room only with other women. You should fix that immediately. I wish you luck -- genuinely -- as my wife has been passed over twice for promotions to much more junior men.
7
Once again a refreshingly blunt op-ed from a hardcore feminist activist. For those who missed it or forgot, Ms. West previously advised her "sisters" that the men in their lives were oppressors (Full stop; no qualification or exceptions). Most women not raising their fists in a march or anywhere else (i.e., the vast majority) would shrink from such binary thinking and misandry. Perhaps the voting patterns of white women are not so mysterious after all.
Therefore with that background concerning this activist-writer, we come to the role of men. But how do males assist or change the social contract if they are treated with the capriciousness of the "Red Queen" with Alice. Off with his head, trial afterward! Binary thinking which sees every woman as victim and every male (or at least heterosexual ones) particularly if white as the problem solves nothing and worsens things. Try collaboration. Try seeing persons as individuals and not tribes to be feared or loathed. Try being less negative and positively embrace, dare I say, incremental change.
This world in which women have legitimate issues worthy of consideration wasn't built in a day and won't be changed overnight.
6
I clicked "recommend" for "jkw" (NYT pick comment), because I agree. But I did it on behalf of other men who get it: they love and respect their sisters, wives and mothers as fellow humans, not as if they were members of some other species that had different rules of appearance, submission, physical strength, wisdom or any other other comparative nonsense. That's all you have to do, guys, while women do have to struggle against the men who think they are solely in control.
4
"Why is Fixing Sexism Women's Work?" for the same reason combating racism is left up to those of races that are victims of racism. The same reason that only black people are asked to comment when the black community is subject to some heinous racial act or attack. People of other group's are not interviewed, gathered for collective action, and asked to discuss how tackle the issue. How their 'community' can stop perpetrating these acts. And what message does this send, what meaning is there in this? It can only mean that they do not care about changing the situation.
1
The people who advocate for change are the ones with more skin in the game. While I agree with the logic of Lindy West's argument, it ignores this fundamental truth about human nature. Or let's put a totally different spin on it. It's like breaking up if you are the one who wants out of a relationship. The other person is fine with the status quo, so you gotta make the first move.
4
I’m not sure men should try to solve sexism. First of all, they have plenty of their own problems and second, do you really trust them on this one?
I think it really is up to women, and shame on us sexism wasn’t fixed decades ago. I was born in 1971 and by 1979, when I was 8, I thought we would have fixed all this by now, but we didn’t.
Really we’ve squandered the opportunities over decades. Have we elected more women? Nope. Have we insisted on corporate diversity. No, even though we’ve been investing in those companies with our own money. Have we demanded action from politicians? Nope, we let them kick the can instead.
The last time I checked everyone has a mom. Moms, where have you been on this?
I hate to say it but this is for women to fix. We need to demand much more from our lawmakers. And hold them accountable by not re-electing bozos who don’t represent humanity.
6
Lindy, thank you again for your much-needed commentary. Perfectly on-point, as always. It makes my day, in these dreary times, to read your refreshingly accurate and bold writing.
5
Sexism maybe a male invention, but it expressed and acted upon by both sexes. We need to wonder where the Women's Movement has been in regards to harassment for the last twenty years. Why was the #MeToo revolt initiated by individuals and not the Movement? Might it be because there's more political and social leverage in a crime than it's prevention? Feminists have only promoted post hoc solutions to harassment and thereby encouraged victimization. Why in the last few decades have they not provided women with strategies and behaviors to counter harassment? And still don't?
2
Women have to fix sexism because no one else cares more about it than women. That's true of many things in life. I wash my own car because no one cares about getting it clean more than I do. I mow my own lawn because no one will do a better job than me because I care more than anyone else does. I stick up for myself in the office when the occasion warrants because no one cares about me more than me. And so on.
This is why, Ms. West, women have to fix this. Really, there's nothing magical or misogynist about about it. It's just the way things are in many arenas, including sex, race, landscaping, auto repair, plumbing and too many others to mention, and it has more to do with human nature than anything else. If you want to change the way things are, then do it. But don't have temper tantrums, screaming "Why isn't someone else doing this?" Someone else isn't doing it because it doesn't matter to someone else the way that it matters to you. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is irrelevant. It is reality, and that's what counts.
6
Sexism is a male invention? Perhaps it seems that way in peace time, but during wars, women aren't lining up for equal opportunity, when the roof needs fixing, women aren't wrestling the ladder from behind the garage, when there's 3 feet of snow, women aren't the ones clamoring for a turn with the snow blower. Sexism is partly womens' invention.
12
Gender quotas are a bad idea. Why would anyone support them?
But it's humorous to hear feminist after feminist bash men and then turn around to say "Why aren't men supporting us?".
Most men aren't masochists.
12
Seems that every time a man steps up to "help" in the campaign of #metoo, that he is lambasted and ridiculed about not having the experience to address the issue. NPR broadcast a discussion over a month ago, with men on the panel, and were excoriated on Twitter and call ins at the very thought of having men's opinions part of the discussion.
Can't have it both ways.........
11
I don't grope women.
I don't expose myself to them on a power trip.
I do find myself assailed for various ills for which I have no responsibility.
Statements such as "Sexism is a male invention. White supremacy is a white invention," etc., are guilt trips.
I don't need a travel agent and have no interest in the guilt trip offered.
15
Every time I read something like this I lose sympathy for this ‘movement’. I reckon the extremist voices like this one have already doomed it. Way to go.
11
I have a good answer to the question: because if a man tried to battle inequality his own life he'd be criticized for doing it in a sexist way. If he attended a forum on empowering women he'd be called a mansplainer who is stifling women's voices.
Basically, in feminist eyes, a man can do no right. That is the problem with identity politics. Every war needs an enemy, and when you're the enemy you're never trusted and always suspected.
And now begin the bashing of Will the sexist mansplainer from Florida.
12
I support feminism when it seeks to empower.
"Victim feminism" is another issue.
The current First Captain at the United States Military Academy is an African American woman, Simone Askew.
Has she faced adversity?
From Day One she sure has.
She didn't whine. Instead she excelled under pressure and next year she'll be headed for England as a Rhodes Scholar.
The folks with a tremendous investment in their own misery should click on this link:
https://www.google.com/search?ei=BnJNWqf_MteojwOyvLSgCw&q=simone+ask...
1
Because, the way the men tell the story, snakes can talk. Because, like, everything was fine and wonderful there in the Garden of Eden until that disobedient woman, Eve, listened to a talking snake who persuaded her to take a bite of fruit, thereby bringing evil and suffering into the world. Men blame women for everything and expect women to do the unpaid domestic labor of cleaning up the messes of the world.
2
Having men fix the issue of sexism would be like having Representative Nunes fix the house Russia investigation.
1
It's women's work because the powerful do not ever cede power willingly. So, start organizing and keep at it because sexism is an element of male behavior from the beginning of time. But be encouraged...the X chromosome is stronger and less prone to mutations than the Y. We can run the world, and the world will be better for it.
If women want change, they must understand that articles like this actively impede improvement in the human condition. Note that I said human condition and not female condition. The suffering for both males and females is real, yet the details are different. Because of this, we are often blinded to the difficulties faced by the opposite sex. Railing against a grand patriarchal conspiracy ignores some inconvenient truths (easily verifiable):
- Men are 4x as likely as women to commit suicide
- Men have a shorter life expectancy (US: 76 v 81)
- Men are less likely to visit a doctor and get medical help
- Men suffer vast majority of workplace deaths (93%)
- Men account for 98%+ of combat deaths
- Men are nearly as likely as women to be a victim of domestic violence (40%+)
- Men have almost no legal rights regarding their children
- The gender wage gap (pay for equal work) does not seem to exist based on recent analyses
Equality of opportunity, fairness, and an improved human condition should be our shared goals. And addressing the egregious statistics above is necessary, if we are serious. I assure you, men are ready. Women?
19
Fixing sexism is women's work because men aren't going to take women seriously until women show that they are willing to ban together as a group and fight against sexism in a sustained fashion. The fact that Donald Trump is president is contraindicative that women will be able to successfully muster for this fight.
By fight I mean doing things that inflict pain on the country's power structure. This means (for example) announcing that they are going to bounce intransigent politicians out of office and boycott companies and institutions until the changes women seek become a reality. And followup that proclamation by doing just that. Look at the civil rights movement in the fifties and sixties; let its failures instruct you and its successes buoy you. Look at the suffrage movement and take heart; things were much worse for women 100 years ago. Women are over half the adult population in this country so they should have a much easier time applying political and economic leverage than blacks.
1
First, please stop using the offensive term "cisgender" to refer to people who are not transgender, we are men or we are women.
Women won't even vote or act in tandem to eliminate sexism. The majority of women voted for Trump and the majority of women in Alabama voted for Roy Moore. Maybe we should get our own house in order before hectoring men.
If the Time's Up signatories were truly serious about not being objects and making a statement, they wouldn't attend the Golden Globes ceremony at all and strongly encourage other women to stay home as well. That would make a substantive statement. Women have been photographed wearing black attire on the red carpet in years past, so how is dressing in black this time around representative of anything other than a fashion statement?
10
Thank you for this comment.
Why should a tiny minority of delusional people get to define normal women as "cisgender"? Nature made only male and female and it is impossible --- no matter how much mutilating surgery, makeup, hormones and wardrobe --- to change sex, which is marked in every single cell of the body. It is delusional to think one is not the sex of one's body and that is marked in every cell.
Gender itself is a false and artificial construct. Humans are born with a sex, not a gender. The idea that there are 161 genders is a delusion of confused millennials whose bodies are toxified by modern industrial chemicals and endocrine disruptors.
Stop with the "cis."
4
So I'm a white, straight, cisgendered upper-middle class man. And I want to help, but I'm pretty conflicted as to where to focus my energy, and pieces like this one don't help settle the issue. By setting the bar at what I can do to help at "everything," I feel like a failure from the very start. Even if I'm doing "everything" for women, where does that leave other groups that people like me have historically oppressed? If I were to take the author's advice and boycott Twitter, should I also boycott watching baseball and football because of the teams in Cleveland and Washington? I already don't contribute to the salvation army because of their stance on sexuality, should I cut anyone I know from North Carolina and Mississippi out of my life as well? Ostensibly, as taxpayers to their states, my friends endorse government actions that I find morally repugnant.
Withdrawing from or protesting every aspect of our society that can be implicated in sustaining inequality is an impossible goal when inequality is pervasive in every aspect of our lives. The only way to ensure that I'm not contributing to the classist, sexist, racist aspects of life would be to live off the land in rural seclusion.
I think it better to run the risk of engagement with the world, partly because I can use my position of privilege to help break these oppressive structures for future generations. And while I cannot fight every fight I, I can treat everyone with respect. Hopefully that's a good start.
5
Dude,
Treat folks with respect as you have pledge.
For sake of your own mental health, you should avoid the folks who have a tremendous investment in their own misery; you are never going to please them.
1
It's interesting, I usually agree with just about all of your work. This time, however -- I think I am balking at the expectation that men are going to get it. I don't have any faith in that, or rather, I don't think it's a good use of my time. I don't think people of color should expect that white people will get it, or queer people to straight people, etc. We have lifetimes of evidence that the people with the most power are almost delusional in their inability to see our suffering.
Therefore, I believe in the power of collective action - of marginalized people of all identities - along with hope that at some point, some members of the oppressing group will catch on and do better, but I'm not holding my breath. Yes, it's frustrating that oppressed people are responsible for solving their own oppression, but what else are we supposed to do?
Many times in the past 30 years when I’ve attempted work with women to realize gender fairness (by attending meetings, among other things, as this writer suggests), I’ve heard a variation of: “As a man, regardless of your intentions, you are the problem. You have no place here. It’s patronizing to think that as a man you can help.”
A good first step would be to treat men who share the goals of the #MeToo movement with respect and be open to their contributions. Us versus Them is unlikely to yield long-lasting results or make our society truly healthier.
There is an enormous amount of injustice in the world - anyone who sincerely wants to fight it should be welcomed regardless of their gender, race or sexual orientation.
2
So...that's not how oppression works.
Women are capable of sexism -- against both males and females. The gender bias that punishes feminine boldness also punishes male empathy and kindness, and almost all of us grow up steeped in that bias. To think that indentifying as female somehow makes you immune is ridiculous: let's not forget that the majority of white women voted for Trump and Moore. Or that many women resisted female suffrage.
The current male-dominated power structure was built by men but supported and propogated by women who reinforced rigid gender stereotypes. Obviously, it's unfair to expect women to fight sexism without help from men. But it's equally unfair to expect men to demolish sexism all by themselves. What's required is a cultural shift that both genders must buy into. Angry tit-for-tat will only slow down progress.
5
Women must also start being more supportive of one another too, instead of being so highly competitive and catty all of the time. Women being harsh and mean to one another is soul crushing as well. The mean girls mentality grows up into adult women sadly. Women can also be highly misogynistic. Not to forget severely judgmental. Some men love that we are. It amuses them.
5
what? and have the president ridicule us for being politically correct?
yes, PC is a cultural requirement for modern America. Anyone who objects wants license to be rude. or crude.
the only observation i'd offer is that people of color have not been able to garner the kind of media support that women have in the last few months.
There are many kinds of harassment at school, at work, in the professions and in politics. Let's make sure this moment is not lost for all of our biases.
There is plenty of discrimination in all female work environments too, particularly age discrimination but also discrimination against less attractive women.
5
"Shrill" is right. Feel better? Nothing collaborative will change with this approach.
5
@JKW:
"It's precisely BECAUSE "you" didn't build the system that it's incumbent on you to make the changes you want to see. It works just fine for the people that DID build it. Why would you expect THEM to change it to suit you?"
Under that logic, it appears you would have expected slaves and freemen circa 1865 to make the changes they wanted to see.
No. One thousand times NO. Positive change can only come when the people who built the discriminatory system finally decide they must right the wrongs that have benefited them, or that they, themselves, have committed.
1
I am so happy that you are in this space, unapologetic and straightforward. Even though a lot of men will try to chip away at your arguments (no matter what the topic) by saying things like, "I'm a nice man!" or "Women do bad things too!" or some other wishy-washy equivocation because they cannot absorb female anger without rejecting its foundation, I am thrilled that you are here and speaking up.
3
How about we stop making every problem a matter of one identity group versus another? How about we recognize that "you should feel very guilty" is not good persuasion nor good politics?
5
The system sets women up to betray each other not that competition doesn't play a significant part. I was one of 4 female siblings w/o brothers. Which ones were going to challenge or support our parents or go along w the status quo? In the power struggle to gain advantage, we play for position, recognition, love, and support. As a child, that males were in essentially other universes was irritating. A woman child is ever conscious of their sexuality and the dangers it presents. Fathers contain their daughters fearful that an independent daughter is a danger to the family. Women often enough favor male children and compete w daughters. Religion, cultural habits and the very ability for child bearing wrecks havoc on a women's desire for independence. A caretaker role undermines freedom and is perceived as a violation of the family system. How does one become unentangled from it. As women, we simply must not abide by being assigned subordinance. We must set a model for who we are and how we desire to participate in society. Just as we pay a price now, to confront in any real way the gender biased world we live in will require us not to stand down. Can we do that?
Ms. West is right. Decades ago, I was in a position to sponsor and mentor women in my firm, and I did. My male senior colleagues laughed at and ridiculed me; my evaluations of potential female recruits and employees were viewed with suspicion when positive, but I persevered. While disabled years ago and no longer able to do what I did, I worked long enough to see us have a female CEO, and women heavily involved in senior management.
But they could not have changed the system themselves. Men have spent thousands of years building this system. They have to play the major role in breaking it down and making it fairer and less threatening. That means especially thinking--and acting--with their big brains, not their little ones, which too often seem to dominate everything else.
3
Over the years, on three occasions I have attempted to join programs working for women's issues. Each time, in spite of several follow-up requests, I was ignored. OK.
1
I have taken courses on being an advocate for victims of domestic and sexual violence and would recommend that anyone do the same.
1
If we fix it right, it's the last unpaid work we'll ever do.
2
The prevailing issue with this article is the presupposition that all women feel this way. The author is aggrieved by the plodding and hollow apologies of men for their brothers who don’t know better, or who should know better and fail to act. Yet, this article should far more concerned with gaining a consensus among a large group of women, not empowered, wealthy, women of authority such as politicians and actresses. How do the large number of women who gleefully voted for Donald Trump in spite of his escapades feel about this movement? Do they want the same things that this author and her disparate groups of women want? Unlikely. I am reminded of the fierce outcry of women in response to Billie Jean King and Gloria Steinem during the 1960s and 1970s. Assuming there is a consensus because of a shared gender is faulty logic.
A prime historical example of this being the Civil Rights movement in the United States. Whites and Non-Black minorities were required to pass legislation that ensured Federally protected rights based on race. Had the Medgar Evers’s, King Jr.s, Malcolm X’s, etc left the work of civil rights solely to Kennedy and Johnson, the negotiating table would have been half empty. Nor would one assume that all Blacks had the same social desires in the 1960s. Quite the contrary. Demands on the part of the victims is the first step in a resolution. Women, liberal and conservative, should set about discussing a foundation for improvement, where men can begin.
1
The presumption of this piece is that males are part of a conspiracy to suppress and to exploit females, and the response must be to overcome them and to establish a just order. It's a simplistic presumption that offers a simplistic solution. But it's a misrepresentation of reality.
I have met many sexist males but most males that I have met are not sexist males. I have met a few abusive males but most males that I have met are not abusive males. The males who have been accused of sexual harassment, of sexual battery, of abusing their wives, girlfriends, and employees with impunity or have had their misconduct covered up with big legal settlements have all broken social norms that all children have been taught in this country for generations. They have gotten away with it because other people who could have punished them more seriously chose not to. Those enablers include men and women who felt that their own best interests would be adversely affected had they acted rightly. Holding people accountable even when they hold positions of authority is the problem. Correcting it probably does nothing to relieve other gender relatedly inequalities as seems to be the popular expectation.
3
"We did not install this glass ceiling, and it is not our responsibility to demolish it." Exactly right, Ms. West.
It is not our responsibility to end sexism. Quite simply, it is men's responsibility. And yet, as in many other areas of our lives, we women know this simply will not happen. Men will not give up power voluntarily. They will not cede their authority to us, ever. Why? Because it is not in their interest to do so.
We will need to continue to fight for our equal place in every career and profession, decade in and decade out, indefinitely. I know a bit about this struggle. I became a young woman attorney in the 1970's. I endured every slur, every sexist remark, the unwanted and unwelcome touches, the insulting comments from men -- most of whom were judges and lawyers themselves. I had to work twice as hard as my male peers to achieve the same results. And their disgusting behavior continued, decade after decade. I gave up long ago ever expecting them to change, Ms. West, and if you want to avoid disillusionment, I suggest you do so as well.
The only way we women might ever be treated as true equals in this society is if we continue to fight for our rightful places. This will always be our struggle. Men will never hand equality to us - ever. When we women understand this fundamental truth, when we take our blinders off, we are better equipped to wage this fight. And I now know that this will be a battle most of us will need to wage our entire lives.
2
If anyone wants a tangible example of how men could take a stand against sexual harassment and discrimination, see both seasons of Aziz Ansari and Alan Yang's Master of None, especially the episodes Ladies and Gentlemen and Buona Notte, which aired before the Weinstein scandal. The characters and stories show the way, as do Ansari and Yang through their creation of the episodes.
"We did not install this glass ceiling, and it is not our responsibility to demolish it." Such youthful, naive, wishful thinking, Lindy. What you propose is the equivalent of asking the fox to show you his game plan for successfully raiding the henhouse. Why should he? What's in it for him to do so? UNTIL we can clearly illustrate to MEN WHY they should give up these behaviors -- which ALWAYS have benefited them with little societal reproach -- and frame the conversation as such, too many men will not even understand your point, much less participate in your experiment.
1
Well, the answer that comes quickly to mind, is that when a guy tries to express sympathy in a way that is anything short of a blanket condemnation of his gender, he is likely to be met with overwhelming hostility. Meanwhile, rest assured Ms West, that the vast majority of guys agree that this discussion is a long time coming, and in fact we welcome it. When one of us is diminished, we are all diminished.
As an almost 50-year old woman who has worked on fishing boats, academia, and in architecture/building construction, I have experienced my share of sexism. What is interesting to me is that I would estimate more than half of it was perpetrated by other women. If I was overly assertive, if I tried to do something that was ambitiously outside of my job description, or if I was late or absent because I was a single mom, my actions were more frequently condemned by my female boss, or supervisor, or teacher, than my male ones, and sometimes in a way that hurt my feelings or made me feel especially inadequate.
This isn't to say some men I worked with weren't sexist--I got that too. But it was often because of ignorance, misplaced intentions, or because of tradition more than overt sexism. It was rarely personal.
Or maybe I just remember the acts done by women more. Perhaps it felt more like a betrayal when done by another woman. I suppose it's easier to say "Well, he's just a guy, he doesn't know any better..." than to excuse someone who has most likely experienced what I was going through. But that ultimately means (at least to me) that sexist acts by women towards other women carry much more weight.
At any rate, I do think both sexes have some work to do. It is both our jobs and neither will get there alone. But what we each have to do to overcome these issues will be different, and looking inward is a good place to start.
1
I am a white male. All my adult professional life I have been a feminist. For 25+ years I was an advertising Creative Director and hiring manager. It was always a challenge to find world-class professionals for my staff so given the opportunity to hire women I happily did so. That they were compensated 100% on par with everyone else on the team was always a given. It was fun to create an environment where contributions, ideas, and professional respect was encouraged and nurtured regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of the employee. I enjoyed telling new hires on their first day there were two zero-tolerance rules in my shop: No stealing from the firm. No sexual harassment.
Now in my second career, I'm a musician and lead a jazz band -- another field notoriously unfriendly to women. It's a joy to scout, hire, and encourage female players. They are welcomed into a group that values their contribution fully. They are compensated equally. How else could I expect to draw the best artistry from all my players?
I write this not to brag, set my practices above anyone else, or diminish the fully justifiable outrage of women, but to suggest what a progressive, feminist-based professional environment looks like in real practice. Note my adjectives in the story above: Happily. Fun. Welcoming. Enjoyable. Feminism is not a win/lose trade-off. It is a principle were all parties joyfully win.
6
As various people have pointed out, and as current experience is showing, men as a group aren't voluntarily going to do what Ms. West correctly points out that they should do. They will only do it under pressure, and while much of that pressure should come from other men, there's no reason to think that it will. That puts an unfair burden on women, but, sadly, the choice is either to go ahead and push even if it means doing most of the work, or let things stay as they are. There probably will come a tipping point in the future when a substantial number of men will take up their responsibilities in this area, but I'm not sure what my chances are of living to see it, even in developed countries, much less in places like Afghanistan.
DEBORAH TANNEN, Renowned sociolinguist, wrote a classic book, You Just Don't Understand, where she described gender-related unconscious patterns of speech. She wrote that women typically communicate with the purpose of answering the question, Do you like me yet? While men typically communicate with the purpose of answering the question, Have I won yet? So, while it seems that women and men are often speaking the same language--take English for example--they send metamessages that they are unaware of. Until women and men learn to identify and understand each other's gender-related meta-messages, they may believe that they're speaking the same language. But they are not. I'm very optimistic that men and women will be able to learn about and master these gender-related differences so they can understand each other better.
2
It matters more to us, it impacts us more so we need to make a stand. We can’t expect men alone to ‘fix’ something that for many they don’t ‘see’, don’t understand and is a system that is working for them.
Together though we have a chance.
In Australia, we face many of these same problems - there is group, though, that are making a difference: Male champions of change. Senior level men who can influence change within their organisations and within society. And yes it is run by women.
I'd like to add one thing to the list of "to dos" -- how about congressmen and senators demand that the FBI prioritize crimes of violence against Native American women.
I agree that men need to step up. I can say of myself that I have occasionally stepped up, but not as often as I should have, to oppose sexism or to fight for the advancement of a woman co-worker who was being passed over. But I could have done much more.
That said, I agree that men are also victims or discrimination of one kind or another and that women need to fight for what they need, too. It's going to take all of us working together to right this world.
1
I don't recall early feminism (from Mary Wollstonecroft to Gloria Steinhem) using the Lystistrata defense of their ideals. But that old adage that there are four feet involved in dancing the tango applies. I don't see that punishing men who have never used "micro-aggression", who have celebrated and embraced feminine boldness and confidence, who have not talked over women with more expertise and experience, will result in positive change. You are shorting your supply-chain to the battlefield. There are those of us who deeply desire the full participation of a woman's intellect, experience and individuality in the interpretation of life. What I have to offer is simply part of the whole chord that is empty otherwise. And who taught me that? My mother.
Frankly, the first answer that springs to mind is that the best of us are lumped in with the worst of us: frequently - too frequently - if a man isn't scoffed at for mansplaining every time he opens his mouth with an opinion on women's rights and equality (we can't possibly understand what it's like, after all) then any actions we think need to be taken is dismissed along with our urge to be "fixers". perhaps the courts is where a lot of this "fixing" needs to be performed - where men and women work together in service of the law.
Simply put - Freedom and power are things that one has to fight for and take for oneself. They can never be given, only claimed with sacrifice. Future generations of woman will thank those of today who simply cannot enjoy the fruits of their fight, only the warmth of righteous success.
1
That there are fewer female construction workers than men, is a result of sexism? That the demand for sexy women in movies is a consequence of sexism? Please. These things are rooted in biology and no matter how much some people resent the way nature has made us, it's not going to change.
There will be some unintended (thought entirely foreseeable) consequences of the current moral panic. As greater strictures against "harassment" are established, most men will be deterred, but a minority will actually be encourage – because the thrill of risk-taking is a big part of this thing.
I deplore (real) harassment. But behind the current campaign is a hysterical belief that human nature can be changed. It won't be. There will never be as many women as men in the upper echelons of achievement because there will always be more men who are insanely competitive and driven than there will be women who are insanely competitive and driven.
3
One big reason is that men are not more engaged about this issue is that when they try to engage in it, many feminists tell them that as men they can have no valid opinion and should just shut up. That has been my experience anyway.
8
This article speaks as though all men everywhere should be responsible for fixing "sexism". In reality, most men are not the vilified sexual predators that you describe us as, and we almost never have the power that you describe us to have. Yes, there are powerful men in businesses who behave inappropriately towards women, but it's not because they are men, but rather because they are power hungry and unable of feeling empathy. This phenomenon pervades all people in power, including women. The reason there aren't as many females in the sanitation industry or the construction industry isn't because of male predilection, but because most women are not desperate or interested enough in driving a garbage truck or picking up trash as most men. If you look solely at the applications for such jobs (male dominated fields), you will understand that the number of female applicants is tiny, compared to men's. The point I'm making, is that, if you truly want something, then get it. If you wanna be a female garbage truck driver, then apply. If you want women to stop feeling abused in the workplace, then report workplace harassment. Putting blame on men for the way society is structured is not a solution, but rather a stupid way to further divide males and females and to further the thought that males are bad. Simply put, good men are not responsible for the wickedness of evil men.
7
#MeToo isn't a movement thus far. It is a mass venting of rage that demands that any and all accusations of workplace sexual transgressions - from mere crude comments to Weinsteinian levels of assault - be met with the career death penalty. No proof. No process. No transparency. Just the ruination of a livelihood and reputation. This kind of mob rule, while emotionally satisfying, is unsustainable. Ms. West's demand that more men get in on these mau-mauing tactics is naive and short-sighted.
A sustainable movement enlists the great good majority of men to work towards achievable, real-world goals, rather than berates them for the fact of their biology. Matt Damon was shot down for having the temerity to speak on the subject while being male, but his suggestion that we treat offenses with some sense of proportion was a well-intended and practical one. In fact, we do need to establish an understanding of what is okay, merely wrong, and what is a firing offense. We need a standard of error which is far more objective and far less infantilizing to women than having been made to feel uncomfortable. We need standards that correct the well-intended oaf and punish the rotten sexist, and the wisdom to differentiate between the two. And yes, we do need to continue to teach and expect girls and women to speak up, in the moment about stupid things males do.
8
Let’s try a little social engineering... at the personal level.
‘Male transgressors’ of today were once young and innocent. Primarily through enculturation (via family, friends, media) they formed attitudes about girls, women, and sexuality. Those attitudes informed their ways of speaking and behaving as they developed into adults - with shameful results.
So, what can awakened, socially progressive men do to promote female equality in the future... beyond the other good suggestions found in this comment thread?
Idea: start with boys and young men.
As grandfathers, fathers, uncles, and other socially influential men, we can - and must - engage with young males... to promote ‘right’ thought, speech, and behavior (nod toward the Buddha).
Homosapiens teach, and learn from, each other. We all know it’s kinda like ‘monkey see, monkey do’.
So, we could wait for social scientists to write the book on ‘gender-respectful socialization’ of young males. But in the interest of time, perhaps it’s best to man-up and show-up. Just do your best with that blossoming young man in your life.
If you SEE something (out of whack)... SAY something (in favor of gender respect).
3
It's too dangerous.
1
What is the position of men in the revolution?
Prone.
1
While women have been working to expose, reverse, rewire the systems that victimize, develop initiatives that make change this question of the #metoo landscape with men asking "what can I do?" seems comparable with men asking women who are caring for the family home/children "What can I do to help?" Maybe that's where we begin but doesn't that saddle women with more of the burden of doing that work too... of figuring out what men can do to help? Asking how does our company, organization best utilize, train our people for leadership for decision-making without reinforcing old patterns might help. Of course, there is still that photo of all the old white men making decisions on women's health care.
3
OK, I’ll bite. As a heterosexual man, let’s talk about equality. Why, when we marry, am I expected to put my dreams on hold, become the “earner” while you “find yourself”? Why, when I become a bore after years in a job I hate, do you leave me, and leave with half? Why, when you are post-menopausal and sexually quiescent, am I expected to—well, cope? Why must I endure your piques, your sniping, your not-picking, your petty grudges, your sullen silent treatment, and take it all on my shoulders and silently trudge on? Why must I live as a paragon, true and loyal as a Retriever, a patient House-Husband, filling a role as Well-Meaning Buffoon, the object of you and your friends shared humor?
You want to be equal? I want you to be also. That would mean I could quit my current roles as General Household Appliance Repairman, Comic Relief, and human ATM.
5
With all due respect, I disagree. I believe if I am not part of the solution, I am part of the problem. I perceive that standing back, saying I didn't cause this so I don't have to work to fix it makes me part of the problem.
1
How about each man just begins with himself? Be the change you want to see.
1
It’s no surprise that a dog is man’s best friend.
4
Maybe if you start firing some women who engage in sexual harassment, more men will find this movement energizing.
1
I trust you enjoyed the rant, but this is not helpful if your intent was to motivate men to get involved. You may have just convinced a lot of them to stay out of the laundry room -- to use your stereotyping imagery.
7
The bad deeds that triggered the #MeToo movement are committed by a small fraction of men: https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2017/12/28/upshot/sexual-harassment-....
I am happy doing nothing more than condemning the people who commit sexual assault and harassment.
7
There is only one place to start. At the top, in the White House.
This "movement" continues to hack away at opponents of the White House while conveniently giving a free pass to a teen beauty pageant owner who admitted he can't stop himself from kissing women without asking.
You unfortunately live in a country where your leader thinks debasing women is OK if you are a star, yet you refuse to speak out against it for some reason. It's odd to the point of being suspicious.
1
Whatever happens, men always have the last laugh.
Sexism is a 'male invention'? Well it goes both ways.
Divorce and family courts categorically favor women over men, simply because of their gender. Hetero women as a whole consider and talk about their male partners as if they are bumbling idiots, often referring to them as 'another of their children'. Sellers of household products, cleaning products, grocery items, etc., rubber-stamp ads and commercials which depict the women doing all the household and childcare work, giving no acknowledgement to the very many men who do the shopping, the cleaning, the childcare, etc.
If we purport to be against 'sexism', then it needs to go both ways.
12
Thank you. As a man, I don’t want to minimize the #MeToo movement but, looking forward to a fairer, more balanced, society, everyone could do with a little introspection here, women as well as men.
3
You're not going to like this answer but the majority of men are going to opt out of this movement. That's a tragedy. But this whole thing has spiraled out of control. What's been lost in all of this is a sense of proportion. The innocent are lumped in with the guilty, the jerks with the felonious monsters. The hypocrisy of the #MeToo militants leaves no room for facts, truth or due process. This article and many others subtly pathologize all men who can't control the fact that they weren't born the politically correct gender. Many otherwise enlightened people seem to think that putting a man down by shaming him for the transgressions of a few criminal men is a sort of privilege or entitlement. They are oblivious to their misandry. Why assume the worst transgressions of a few are characteristics of all? It doesn’t help women (or POC or LGBT individuals) to engage in the sport of putting down men. It's irresponsible. This new sexism, reverse sexism, is widespread in feminist and pro-feminist literature - or propaganda, one might say, - but largely ignored. A fair number of feminists have criticized men based solely on their gender and/or ethnicity. Misandry is everywhere, culturally acceptable, even normative, largely invisible, taught directly and indirectly by men and women, ,very damaging and dangerous to men and women in different ways & de-humanizing. There's no upside to intentionally alienating half the population...you need them as allies. That should be obvious.
12
Usually if you set all the terms of a conversation unilaterally and in your own favor, insist that everyone agree with you, and lay all the blame on other people for anything that goes wrong, you will end up having a conversation with yourself.
16
This sounds so odd. You want the abusers to solve a problem they created? You want murderer to console the dead person's family so they can go free and continue the status quo? Women will only be free of this if they create their own environment. Leaning on men, desire for power, money, fame etc. will always trap women. And men know it.
How about fathers give the same options to their daughters as they give to their sons? How about they give them the same praise? This starts so early.
1
Who benefits from sexism? Every man does, however they may think of themselves. Men will never fix sexism. This is a crazy idea.
Only women can fix it. Let’s make Damon, Fallon etc do these things outlined in the article.
As a 57 year old woman, I and many other women I have met, have been harassed by other women in higher power simply because they were less attractive or overweight and just plain jealous of younger women. This is just as prevalent as is sexual harassment.
9
Not all men invented nor energized sexism and white supremacy. There are powerful forces that benefit greatly from sexism and white supremacy - these are the real enemy. These forces hurt both men and women. How about women boycott all football games - including well paid cheerleaders - to protest men's head injuries? The Me Too battle has the potential to kill off many well meaning, intentioned and active male allies with friendly fire. Perhaps a little better aim is in order.
Just read most of the comments here and you'll answer your own question. If you wrote about "Why is fixing racism black people's work?", you'd get a bunch of similar resentful comments about how black people contribute to their own oppression, how they don't really deserve better treatment, how if they're under-represented in jobs or education it's their own fault or due to their own "natural" limitations, and on and on. That's just what you can expect. Members of oppressed groups have to mobilize to fix the problem; this is how it's always been.
3
"...all I’ve heard tonight are a bunch of things women can do to fight sexism. Why is that our job? We didn’t build this system. This audience should be full of men."
Why is it my job as a male who also didn't build this "system"? Why is it my job as a male who didn't once discriminate against women in this "system"? Why are you blaming all men, holding us all Guilty, Period?
So long as you women merely want the appearance of equality without actually being equal, you will lose.
6
Fixing sexism is women's work because men aren't going to take women seriously until women show that they are willing to ban together as a group and fight against sexism in a sustained fashion. The fact that Donald Trump is president is contraindicative that women will be able to successfully muster for this fight.
By fight I mean doing things that inflict pain on the country's power structure. This means (for example) announcing that they are going to bounce intransigent politicians out of office and boycott companies and institutions until the changes women seek become a reality. And followup that proclamation by doing just that. Look at the civil rights movement in the fifties and sixties; let its failures instruct you and its successes buoy you. Women are over half the adult population in this country so they should have a much easier time applying political and economic leverage than blacks.
All this should be obvious to women. What are they waiting for?
As a woman, I would prefer working for a man then a woman. Woman can be overly critical, jealous and mean. Let's not criticize and demean the opposite sex or we may find ourselves without any of them in our presence. I think this is what some women want. Some women do not like men and let's be honest. They blame them for all their shortcomings and failings.
6
Maybe some of it has to do with the fact that whenever men offer to help they get shouted down for "mansplaining". You can't have it both ways.
4
@RGK: You don't seem to know the difference between genuinely offering to help and "mansplaining." Thanks for playing, though!
2
You should have thought some more Ms West. 97.4 percent of construction workers - for instance - could argue that women seem to think "Responsibility?: Isn't that what men are more?" You should not have suggested it should be primarily the responsibility of good men to fix the actions of bad and evil men to benefit women. Enlightened feminist women should not reproduce the prejudices of unenlightened non-feminist women. Responsibility is not solely a male prerogative - is it? We already feel heavily put upon to counter the actions of the bad actors of our sex towards women by feminists.
Sorry - but how is your other foot?
Last line should say: "Sorry, but - how is your other foot?" I am suggesting Ms West has committed significant damage to herself and her cause with this piece - if it is not obvious. Being primarily a naturalist I think women are - like men - essentially finite and fallible human beings with a certain and imperfect nature, somewhat different to men but not precluding them from making a contribution, succeeding and leading in any field of human endeavour they desire as human individuals. I also feel they should be free to do this without being subject to sexist generalisations not pertaining to themselves and sexual harassment. So my dispute with most feminists is subtle, I am generally pro-feminist. I have actually been accused of trying to lead feminism in my country for my modest and heterodox contribution to inspiring a better lot for women here. I have no such ambitions and I think Ms West really doesn't want men to lead feminism in the US as this article implies. That would be an exceedingly reactionary attitude not in keeping with her general personal political philosophy I'm sure. May I say at this point that my number one beef with feminism is the apparent conspiracy of silence by feminists with respect to criticising the actions of prominent female bad actors such as Sarah, Kellyanne and Betsy? Okay thanks. Aren't you glad I'm on your side? Cheers.
Hooray Lindy! Nancy here has regularly reminded Mr Rockford, over the breakfast coffee, for years now, that he and his ilk are way, way, way behind on their work of atonement for this crazy system they've nurtured and benefited from. So many of them should just step down already and open the doors for more women to take their places.
I'm a woman. I'm also black. I'm a feminist and have been since I was a girl. I love Ms West but I read this and can't help thinking, white women vote for racist, misogynists all the time, and have continued to support some of the most backward, woman-hating, children-hating, family-hating policies the reactionary forces can dream up. The revolution Ms West is calling for is not only women's work, it's white women's work. Yeah, starts there.
4
Yet another tiresome male-bashing rant painting sensitive, caring males with mothers, sisters, wives and daughters who are striving to do the right thing and level the playing field with the same broad brush as predators. Y'all are starting to sound like the woman who shot Andy Warhol 50 years ago.
4
I have read many of Ms West’s opinion pieces and others by women like Amy Siskind. And while there is legitimacy in many of their observations they often seem to be more anti-men than pro-women. A case in point is Ms West glib acceptance of the need to sacrifice falsely accused men in the #metoo movement.
Given this it is easy to dismiss them.
3
Why would men want to really stop sexism, across the board? What's in it for us? I nearly said "them," instead of "us."
If you really care about having more men doing things that make a difference, you must motivate them. It's classic organizing.
Analysts of oppressed people's movements say there are three incentives for its members: material gains, friendships, and their ideals. Forget about material gains, obviously. Friendships, maybe.
I think it was 1971 when I started supporting feminism. I've been able to fit in, and it's been a pretty good experience. I would never dream, however, of trying to lead anything having to do with feminism. I would never have enough credibility, either with women or men. Please don't talk to me about men's groups. So what I do is support.
A man in the feminist movement can never have the full experience a woman can have. This will limit friendship in the movement.
That leaves ideals, which experts like Piven and Cloward (cf. "Poor People's Movements"), say is the least powerful of the three incentives.
I support women's rights, all of them, because I believe all people should be treated that way. This isn't "all lives matter." It means we address where this ideal is not being met with priority. Who first? Women? Blacks? Dreamers? GLBT...? Our white, patriarchal, capitalist society is so messed up.
So I will support; you will lead. If you really want men at your meetings, appeal to that universal ideal. I know you do, but...
You've basically answered your own question. Sexists are sexist because it is ingrained in their personal belief system. White supremacists are white supremacists because it is ingrained in their belief system. Transphobes are transphobic because it is ingrained in their belief system. These kind of people don't "fix" what they are doing because they don't see what they are doing as wrong. It takes people from outside the framework of these belief systems to work to marginalize them and mitigate the negative results of their actions.
Your conflation of men and sexism is offensive: 1) not all men are sexist; in fact there are many of us who by and large are not and 2) there most certainly are sexist women (not as pervasive a problem as sexist men, sure, but they do exist). It doesn't seem like a great way to recruit men at large to your cause.
1
Men are primarily concerned with the problems men have.
Women are primarily concerned with the problems women have.
If you don't believe these simple propositions, you are invited to sign up for Human Nature 101.
1
My big problem is with incompetent people of both genders who get promoted, and why.
In environments that are mostly female, guys get promoted if they're cute and charming. If they are good at their job, even better. Women get promoted if they are good at their job and other women like them. If other women do not like them, it doesn't matter how good they are at their job.
In environments that are mostly male, men are promoted if the other guys are comfortable with them--"team player." Women are promoted if they are super competent and help the guys look good or if they are young and cute/ sexy.
If the environment is roughly equal male/female, you need someone to notice you. You can be a supercompetent woman, promoted by a man or woman. Or you can be eye candy of either gender, promoted by someone of either gender.
2
White men are forever telling others, we're behind your cause but you're not doing it right. Whether it's African Americans' methods of protest or words from women's rights advocates... while we try to to shift power, those who have it will resist. And since it's unfashionable to support inequality, they'll say it's the way we're going about things that is wrong.
Hey guys, things are changing and you're going to feel uncomfortable. It's the only way. Lean in or something.
3
I go out of my way to fight this form of prejudice, and I am a man.
It is not right that a person's gender, including mine, predetermines how others view me.
2
As long as various groups look to the people that instituted the practices they want changed to change them, they'll fail.
You didn't build the system but you'll have to be the ones that change it. Angrily laying it at the door of the white men who instituted it and expecting any kind of real change is rather optimistic. Getting angrier won't change anything either.
It may not be your responsibility to demolish the glass ceiling, but just who else will do it? You're looking at Harvey Weinstein and Matt Damon?!
Good luck with that.
Would the Civil Rights movement have gotten started without the actions of the African-American victims of Jim Crow oppression? If I remember, members of the "other side" were discouraged from seeking positions of leadership in the movement because "this is our fight".
I'll tell males one way to fix this issue. Stop seeing us as something you think will willingly jump into bed with you just because you compliment us. When passing me walking on the sidewalk, don't turn around and look me full in the face--it's insulting. The odds that I find you attractive are zero. If in a work environment, treat me with the respect I deserve, and acknowledge my talents.
2
"The odds that I find you attractive are zero."
I tend to avoid toxic people; I wouldn't look at you twice and I would recoil at the thought of such an angry person jumping into bed with me.
That having been said, I do respect women who work hard to be successful and I enjoy the company of men and women who do not have a tremendous investment in their own misery.
You don't sound like such a person.
2
I find the tone of this article and many others insulting. When people insult me an blame me for all their problems, I am convinced that they do not want me as an ally. Why should I go to a support group knowing that I will be denigrated. As my mother used to say you get more flies with honey than with vinegar
5
We women should not be naïve about why we're oppressed. Men get away with sexism with our help, too, so stop sloughing off responsibility for why we're where we are. Women shoot other women down all the time. If we don't speak up for other women or defend other women so we might as well tell men "Keep doing what you're doing because we aren't going to do anything about it except complain."
1
Male sexism was invented by men. There is also female sexism. It is a reductionist and ideological fantasy to imagine that all female sexism is merely a reaction to prior male sexism. That said, I entirely support powerful men making changes where they can, wherever they can be effective, in promoting gender equality.
I consider myself a liberal who is very supportive of women's rights., but really Lindy, at the risk of sounding sexist, you are getting a little shrill. It is not your responsibility to "fix it" because, did you ever stop to think that you can't fix something that you have no control over? Don't confuse a panel that is calling attention to issues with a vehicle that can fix them. If the number of creative directors in ad agencies went from 3% to 11%, who do think did that? Not the 3% that were women. Give men some credit.
As for construction workers, have you ever done construction work? I have, a lot, and let me tell you it is hard and dirty work that most women don't want to do. Yes there is a lot of sexism in it, but at the sites I've been on, the women were treated as equals. I also personally know a lot of men who have spent their entire lives getting up at 3 am and commuting 2 hours to the city to do construction work so their families could live in a nice neighborhood in a small town with good schools. Men make plenty of sacrifices.
You aren't going to convince these men ( lot of whom are Trump voters) with your scorched earth editorial approach. Men are not the enemy.
5
Why should women change the system? Because men as a gender won't. History has shown that.
2
Lindy here plays to her audience of justifiably angry women, but her attitude—the whole self-righteous fury in the tone—does very little to genuinely advance understanding of the issue. The simple answer to her question, of course, is that it’s not in men’s interests—at least superficially considered—to join this fight. Nobody willingly gives up power and privilege, unless they are forced to do so, or more rarely, unless they come to understand their “perks” in fact come at a deep cost, not only to others but also to themselves.
1
"We talked about the implications of men sculpting women’s insecurities to maximize corporate profits, and how even a gender-blind application process isn’t a perfect fix in a society that punishes feminine boldness and confidence. "
The desire to maximize profits should be the self enforcing mechanism to eliminate sexual discrimination. If women are underpaid, then profits will be maximized by employing women. A female staffed business should be able to outperform and undercut a male staffed business.
The Small Business Administration provides low-cost financing for female owned businesses. You don't have to complain that existing advertising agencies underpay women; you can open up your own agency and undercut them. Fight, don't whine.
1
When my wife and her female colleagues were routinely harassed at work at the University of Montana -- to the point where some needed medication just to get through an average day in a hostile work environment -- it wasn't men who protected the culprit, it was women! A woman was his direct boss, and a woman is still in charge of the university's legal counsel. They were the direct gatekeepers enabling years of abuse to continue. And yes, women enabled it! So, High Horse, get off it.
3
Fixing sexism is women’s work because men aren’t going to do it.
This discovery of wide-spread sexism and the comments that accompany it reminded me of the discovery of wide-spread racism in the Sixties not just confined to the South (where they posted signs) but nation-wide in liberal places where the signs were not posted, and their absence left victims without warning.
The advertising industry is more effective in establishing America’s mores than all of the legislative bodies and courts combined.
My advice to women is to fight this fight as if every man is guilty—from the small transgressions of telling (and laughing) at off color jokes to raping women—men are not your allies; just as racial offenders were not then and are not now, our allies.
"...Sexism is a male invention..."
It's a little more complicated than that. Sexism is a cultural phenomenon that is the product of religion, the fear of violence in small communities, of preserving families' integrity in barbaric societies, and of the priority of assuring a continuity of generations when extinction of human lines was not uncommon. The woman is the child bearer and primary caregiver of human children during their long childhoods. The woman is associated with sex and with nurturing in most societies because of these societies priorities. In every society, the female who fails to fit these stereotypes is not uncommon but that never seems to have ended the stereotyping in any of them. But the mistreatment and exploitation of women and children has never been okay, and the men who get away with doing so always do because of some perceived higher value that they bring to their communities. It's not males that are the problem, it's people given greater authority by communities who use it to exploit the weaker members who are the problem.
Men and women have more in common than not. For instance, most people are rather childish and emotionally undeveloped. This is because they are trained to be good servants to the wealthy. It helps that most people believe in magic and usually belong to a religious or political cult that dictates their beliefs. Now, within that backdrop you expect men to save women from sexism. Most people are so weakly connected to reality that they don't know what justice is. That includes most women.
Please purge as many people as you want. I don't like these people either. Just don't expect me to believe you are seeking justice. The majority of people are constantly running a type of manipulation scam where the people around them are objects to be manipulated. That too includes most women. So I guess I should seek to end sexism for people who intend to manipulate me. It doesn't seem to make any sense for me to help those who would enslave me if they could.
There is a parallel to women's general denial state where by they assume that they are all good and men are all bad. It is in the GOP who believe that their right wing racism is good, and kind people who want to care for the poor are bad. It's a kind of mass delusion that cannot be penetrated by the opposition using rational arguments because it is part of the training they received in making them most useful and easily manipulated by the wealthy.
1
Men of integrity and conscience know that rectifying the wrongs of systemic sexism is our responsibility as much as anyone's. At the same time, we ought to be able to understand when women say now is the time for their long-dismissed voices to be heard, and for men to shut up, listen, and learn. Listening and learning from, say, the last four paragraphs of this piece might be a worthwhile place to start.
2
Several comments here point to the existence of predatory, retaliatory men as being a root cause. Why are such persons not deemed to have an illness and why are they not medicated?
1
Fixing sexism isn't women's work, but fixing sexism isn't men's work, either. West's list of eye-for-an-eye reparations, though maybe just, aren't fixes. Suppose men have shaped a fundamental binary into a social structure that privileges the male over female, a concept of masculine over a concept of feminine: will we lose that binary by assigning the responsibility of reversing that privilege to anyone?
Personally, as a man, I do not consciously feel as if I have "sculpted women's insecurities," but every time I open my mouth, I surrender my agency to the privileged language I speak. I don't know of any structural, systemic fix that men can provide, but I suspect it will begin with making space for what's coming.
One of the reasons I often unsubscribe to the Times is because of emotionally based and desensitizing Op-Ed entries like this that do not stimulate intellectual curiosity.
Matt Damon should refuse to show up to work until his female co-stars are paid as much as he is? So, he shouldn't negotiate business deals and contracts with his self-interests in mind? Wait - are we talking about movies that he's already signed on to? It makes no sense.
Further reading shows this is just a random blog entry.
Hollywood and mainstream media are not the forces to look to for great social change in this modern American culture. Most voters don't pay enough attention or respect these two fantasy lands. My feminist and anti-Trump friends need to understand this.
Quite simply, I'm discouraged that this makes the front page of a paper I really want to utilize as my main source of informative journalism.
7
Increasingly women are accusing sexual predators – but it’s usually only the women that can afford to do so. Not the thousands of minimum-wage Fast Food employees, already threatened by robotics, or the well-salaried, unionized, assembly-line employees, afraid of being fired if they speak up. Absent witnesses, it’s just her word against his.
But suppose it were his word against THEIRS? Probably she’s not the first gal he’s backed into a corner and threatened. Suppose the company’s women banded together, formed a sisterhood, and wrote up and signed separate paragraphs, each accusing the same molester? His next victim could tell him to back off, make him aware of the document, and threaten to take it ‘upstairs’, to Management, or even to make it public. Would the assembly line’s Human Resources Director ignore it? Or the local hamburger franchise owner? I doubt it would even come to that; I’d bet the threat alone would be enough to stop the predator in his tracks.
This doesn’t redress the harm such bozos have done to women in the past. But it may put a stop to their continued predation - and that's really the goal, isn't it? So let's treat this as a human issue - not just another gender issue.
1
It's exhausting trying to respond to columns so irrational, but let me try.
Many, probably most, men, like me, want to be desired by women, wanted for our minds, our bodies, our humor, our creativity. As a direct result, rape is as foreign to us as the sands of an inland desert are to a fish. We don't get Harvey, Bill, Hugh Hefner, any of these guys. Just because we share their sexual anatomy doesn't mean we have much else in common.
Furthermore, these guys don't show their rapist selves to us. They are charming, bullying, encouraging, hostile, friendly; anything but rapists. And don't get me started on the (I hope) small but very real subset of women who actually get a thrill about being the object of sexual aggression; I dated one, a very high functioning lawyer, who felt disappointed if she walked past an active construction site without getting a wolf whistle. She remains a mystery to me to this day, long after we broke up.
I get that women are different from each other. So are men. So, yes, Ms. West, we need your help. To fix this problem, we'll have to work together. Can you do that?
9
Thank you for this comment. It nicely articulates the way I feel about columns like this, that lump most men in with the tiny percentage that are sexual harassers and abusers. It's similar to the infuriating thing where people conflate radical Muslims with all Muslims.
1
Men have created society using brute strength. The fact that that isn't any longer needed won't keep them from using their money and leadership positions to do the same. Women must fight back. Minorities must fight with them.
1
Start your own Seattle ad agency, and only hire women. Demonstrate that you are as good or better than what the still-dismal statistic says.
1
If helping solve a problem relies first on your ego being placated, not only are you blind to said problem but you're part of it. That's absurd. It's about doing the right thing, not needing an invitation or pouting because you saw some phrases you don't like so therefore the entire movement is worthless because your feelings come first. There's a certain irony in the response to women's quest for equality being "you'd better be reeeallly nice to me or I won't help."
5
Well let's see ,maybe for starters when many of us have tried to help we were told to sit down and shut up. If you want my help you're going to have to take my ideas into account.
5
Good editorial. Appropriately shrill and loud. I can act on some of the author's suggestions tomorrow. So can you!
2
Sexism is a good thing. Men and women are completely different and that's what makes us wonderful. The homogenous dystopian future you would like whereby women are always rational and don't even experience pms is just imagined. We have laws on the books for predators already. As far as words- please, learn to take them unless they are explicit threats
Get rational or have no one on board
Ciao !
1
Nobody, male or female, is always rational, and many women don't experience PMS.
Absolutely right.
1
If, as this article claims, "transphobia is a cisgender invention" can you please identify the inventor? I'd like to know exactly who it was! (And also, does that mean that cisgender-phobia is a transgender invention?)
7
I am woman, hear me roar! The future is female! We are strong and independent and can do anything that men can do! Except shape society. That is a man's job and it's sexist to expect women to participate in that endeavor. We will sit back and relax with our yoga and Starbucks while men fix this problem and develop a new and enlightened society of equality and parity for women as well as a few dozen other genders. If we don't like the result, we'll just rinse and repeat. It may take thousands of years but eventually the men will hit on the right solution for equality between the sexes. Then we can celebrate how brave Third Wave feminists wrested equal rights from the unwilling partriarchy
3
"Sexism is a male invention." The absurdity and victimhood of this statement should answer the author's question about why more men aren't involved in being scapegoated for human, not must male, behavior.
8
"Sexism is a male invention." When women choose to mate with powerful rather than loving men, it's the fault of the men. Anything else is "blaming the victim." And the beat goes on....
8
The answer to the question of men's intolerable behavior towards women lie in the future. We will learn the procreative lessons taught by ruminants:
the very efficient annual rut ritual. Human genes will be altered so that women will be fertile only once a year. Hormonal levels will surge and subside accordingly. The testerone level in men will never be a benign,secondary hormone for most of the year, rising to overflow only during the rut, before settling back down. During the rut, males will compete for dominance. It will doubtlessly be pretty chaotic maybe even quite violent, for a few days, no doubt. But for the rest of the year, there will be no primal, reproductive urges. Behaviors driven by excessive hormonal influence will subside entirely.
Homes, workplaces, gathering spots will be free of sexual tension for extended periods of time. Women and men will relate to each other just as they do with their gender peers.
1
Thank you. I would like to start by asking Barack Obama, the symbol of equality and progress in fighting oppression, why his wife is not Michelle Robinson. I really want to know why he followed and embraced Coverture (a practice which dehumanizes a woman -transforming her from being a person to being her husband’s property) by erasing Michelle Robinson and changing her into his property by branding her “Mrs Barack Obama” (ie “Of Barack” as in A Handmaid’s Tale). I wouldn’t mind asking Barack’s human property (the former Michelle Robinson) why she allowed herself to be branded. I want to know why women bleed for 35 years, go through 9 months of labor, 14 to 20 hours of teeth-clenching labor and then excruciating delivery in order to build and produce a human being (every human being) but that child is then given the man’s (ie the parent who did not do the work) last name. I want to know why no one, men or women, ever talk or write about this in any article that I’ve seen. Let’s start with stopping Coverture and the branding of women with their husband’s name. Let’s start by asking men who say they’re against oppression of women, how they feel about finally getting rid of these dehumanizing practices - renaming their wife with their name and taking credit for building children they do none of the work to produce.
2
Seriously, its not a law. You don't have to do it if you don't want to.
1
I would like to respond to the (other) cisgender white male from Vancouver. I have a wife and daughter whom I love more than anything. Although I work part time, I have essentially a stay-at-home dad for the last 8 years. My daughter is now fourteen, and I have taken notice of #metoo because she deserves an adult life that is fulfilling and as fair as possible. So yes, I agree with the author that feminism is every one’s struggle, including all men who love the women and girls in their lives.
6
Chris please read: http://www.vulture.com/2017/10/damon-affleck-father-of-daughters-excuse-...
We're not supposed to mention we have daughters. Perferably, just say nothing. But if you have to talk, don't mention the daughters.
1
Women need to step up, and although I think there is a great need for men to also call out the bullies who harass, it is our job to stand up for ourselves.
I went to a top notch grad school in chemistry. My incoming class was about 1/3 female (they were actively trying to get more women) but by the time I finished almost 100% of the women had dropped out. Not because they were stupid, but because of safety (NYC in the 1980s' was VERY dangerous) or because of a relationship issue. I was living with my boyfriend when I started and we got married while I was in school. I blew off the nasty comments.
In my first job after post-doc I was hired a few months after a white man with my basic credentials. I did my homework and negotiated - hard - for my first salary as I knew it set you on your trajectory. I made 25% more than him. When he found out (I didn't know - someone else told him) he was furious with me. It was my fault somehow that he screwed up.
I have always made money on par or above my male peers. But I would always negotiate. I worked hard, and made more money than my husband most of our lives. I would - nicely but firmly - call out bullies.
Woman after woman has frustrated me for not taking her own agency. You don't want the guy next to you "manspreading". Tell him! Nicely ask him to move. 100% (yes 100%) of the time I have politely asked he has complied.
Take your own agency, then men will take you more seriously.
23
What a bunch of baloney!
Do you think that Martin Luther King should have said: "I did not build this system, it is up to the white oppressors to go and fix it"?
9
He appealed to christian ideals of shared humanity and was a proponent of the Golden Rule—so, the answer is YES. We are in this together and it is time to stop pretending like justice will be done without half the human race participating.
7
Thank you, Lindy. Well said.
6
Women have it better now then they have ever had it, so if everything is the result of White men having control over society then you should be thanking us.
You're Welcome!
7
I'm a man. I always tell my daughter that men are pigs and we're almost always lying. You can't have men fix this. If left to our own devices, men will do nothing.
When my daughter was born, I was determined not to socialize her into society's idea of a woman. No Disney, no princess stuff, no knights in shining armor, no relying on men, no talk of weddings, no talk of marriage. I told her the truth about boys. I told her the truth about frats. I told her the truth about football teams. I told her the truth about perverts and especially pervy old dudes. I taught her kickboxing. I taught her to shoot. And I taught her stand her ground. I told her that if she ever wants to maximize who she is, she shouldn't get married and let a man stand in her way. And I'm going to leave her some money so she doesn't feel vulnerable.
Who knows if this will work? But I do notice that she's not boy crazy and she is fiercely independent. She's pretty and a fashionista, but she doesn't look to boys for approval or support. And she knows a Neanderthal when she sees one, even if he's camouflaged in Brooks Brothers or Prada.
Maybe a good start is teaching our little girls the truth about men, and how to listen to that innate inner danger sense that rings in the presence of certain men. Little girls need to know, and it's fathers who should tell them.
24
mmmmm yes! I love the word microaggressions. I don't think it goes far enough to talk about the millions of slights women face to being ignored by repairmen, to have your opinion slighted every day, that somehow men are all superior and right just because they are men. To live in relative poverty if you don't want to depend on men. To be told to your face that women are blood sucking parasites who only marry men to take their money. To just not count in so many ways. Crazy was a term invented to describe white women who stand up to white men. I think an important distinction must be made between white men and white women. White men have the power, white women do not. In fact like all minorities, are probably treated worse after all we are the ones that get punched in the face by white men.
4
LOL
John Oliver is somehow special? He's usually funny, sometimes original, and always another white guy with a tendency towards mansplaining. His writer's room has the same gender distribution as the Senate. Don't give him a free pass.
2
This is why I have problems with the term "women's issues." They may be issues that disproportionately affect women, yes, but almost always the root cause of the issue is a system that favors men.
Changing those systems will require men to change. Calling things "women's issues" lets men off the hook, both from their role in creating the problems as well as fixing them.
Step up, men. And, yes, I am one of them.
10
None of the suggestions for what men should do would do anything to fundamentally change the patriarchy. If all men play a role in this problem, then your solution can't rely on the generosity/understanding/progressive thinking of individual men, no matter how much of an ally they are. At best, this only helps in isolated circumstances. To change the big picture, more women need to be in elected office. Laws need to be changed/updated, and education/parenting about these issues needs to start at a young age. It's going to take time, but I believe we will get there.
1
Quote without comment.
53% of all white women voted for Trump
51% of white college women voted for Clinton
62% of all white non college women voted for Trump
http://wamc.org/post/dr-vanessa-may-seton-hall-university-labor-law-and-...
Domestics represented the largest category of women workers before 1940 but were excluded from wage and hour legislation until 1974. In contrast, many women industrial workers were covered by labor laws as early as 1908. By 1938, New Deal labor legislation covered both men and women.
Opposition to labor laws for domestics came from an unlikely source. In 1938, reformers launched a nationwide campaign to pass state labor laws for workers not covered by the federal Fair Labor Standards Act, including domestics. In New York, two bills proposed a minimum wage and maximum hours for domestics. Surprisingly, prominent WOMEN’S organizations, including the YWCA, the Consumers' League, the League of WOMEN Voters, and the WOMEN’S City Club, refused to fully support the bills. These groups had lobbied hard for the Fair Labor Standards Act. They had written, campaigned for, and championed much of the progressive legislation that made the New Deal transformative. A bill for domestic labor standards could not pass without their support.
Why were they so reluctant? First, the members of these organizations were middle and upper-class WOMEN worried about maintaining access to CHEAP household help.
18
And 62% of ALL women voted for Clinton.
That any woman voted for Trump boggles my mind. That they did vote for him shows me how they are their own worst enemy. Why complain about being mistreated and overlooked then vote for a misogynist?
1
In the Alabama Jones - Moore Senate race
72% of white men voted for Moore
63% of white women voted for Moore
I do not understand how any female [or male] could vote for sexual predators like Trump and Moore.
I think Ms. West overestimates how much us men have "built" this system. I didn't build this system, I'm basically a worker bee, doing the job my boss tells me to do, and collecting a paycheck to pay the mortgage and support my family.
You ladies are 54% of our voting population, and have been a majority of our voting population since Reagan was President.
You represent 55% of our college enrollment. Nearly 2 million more men are incarcerated at any given time than women. Young women start off their lives in a much better position, on average, than young men.
You don't need Matt Damon to go on strike or Jimmy Fallon to curate his guests. Stop watching their stuff if it bothers you, you're more than half the population, they can't make money with half their audience gone. If you want a say in the Health Care Debate, don't vote for representatives who only put men on the panel, you have a 10 point lead over the men right out of the gate, and a whole heaping bunch of men are already happy to vote for the pro-woman candidate.
You don't need me to fix it for you.
62
Good points. If women don't stand up for each other, this is all just complaining for the sake of complaining. When they voted for a misogynist instead of the one experienced and qualified candidate to lead our country, they got what they wanted.
1
Right, while you benefit from it. You made your choices, we all do.
1
Have you noticed that when men try to say how sexism should be fixed, often enough they are shredded for mansplaining sexism to women?
This doesn't seem productive - more telling men how they are wrong no matter what they do. Work to fix it, ignore it - either approach will result in a great many people telling them they are wrong. They aren't responsible to fix everything any more than we are - they are responsible to behave as decent people - as we all are - and to not discriminate - and if they've got built in biases - don't let those biases control your actions.
23
"Have you noticed that when men try to say how sexism should be fixed" Why are they doing that in the first place? There's a huge difference between "of course, how can I help" and "let me tell you how it's done, little lady."
2
You make the equivalence of telling people how to fix sexism and working to fix sexism. Those are not the same thing, but that slip is telling.
Working to fix - simple - don't be sexist.
But the article starts out with a meeting where people were to discuss HOW to fix sexism - and the author points out there were no men there. So, yes, that is what the article is about, asking why men weren't participating in HOW to fix sexism. The women were the ones suggesting that you find female mentors, rather than male, the women were the ones in that meeting excluding men from the solution.
We're team dancing here but nobody seems to have figured out who's in the lead role and who's in the support role and what that should mean.
All of those all-female panels - were men invited but they declined to participate? How many men were invited to be a founding member of Time's Up?
Don't criticize someone who wants to help but doesn't know how. Fastest way to lose a potential source of support.
8
This is exactly the point. And the exact same points are totally true of the struggle of black Americans against racism (for 150+ years now...).
In the Venn diagram of black-white vs. male-female, the intersection of maleness and whiteness is definitely where the most work needs to be done. And by most, I mean at least 90%.
White men (like me), and especially powerful white men, created and have benefited from a patriarchal and racist system since, well, since forever. And actions like the ones cited in the 3rd from last paragraph are EXACTLY what we should be doing. All of us.
But of course, in the end not enough of us will. And those who actually tried will stop trying as hard, or just give up altogether.
7
The dialogue is changing and that's the start to real change.
How about the husband gets up to change the diapers at night when the wife/mother stays in bed?
How about the husband earns the living, then comes home to make dinner?
How about the husband picks up the kids from daycare early to spend time with them?
How about the husband arranges piano lessons and baseball league?
How about the husband shops and prepares holiday meals?
I am all for equality, in every respect. But not all men/husbands are negligent. Please make a note of that.
20
We need to pass the Equal Rights Amendment and add it to the Constitution.
Section 1. Equality of rights under the law shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
Section 2. The Congress shall have the power to enforce, by appropriate legislation, the provisions of this article.
Section 3. This amendment shall take effect two years after the date of ratification.
19
Section 3 should be modified to read: This amendment shall take effect immediately.
I think the biggest 'fixes' we need today are environmental and economic. What are we, men and women, going to do about the warming planet and both the crisis we're already in, including super-storms, droughts, fires, sea-level rise, etc.? What are we, women and men, going to do about criminal inequality and the anti-democratic concentrations of wealth, income, property and power?
Sexism and sexual harassment needs to be addressed and defeated by all of us; but I'd like to see more of this outrage focused on the other two issues I've mentioned. They're powerful, destructive and very difficult to try and solve. And, we need to solve them now.
So, yes, I agree with you: it's time to woman-up and man-up in many, many fundamental, moral, spiritual, legal, social and political ways.
2
Women receive maternity benefits that are substantially longer than paternity benefits. This systemically influences who is responsible for raising children versus building a career. If men had the same benefits as women, we could help them get back to work faster and share the responsibility of building a family. It would help close the gender pay-gap, but it seems from a male's perspective that this type of equality discussion isn't welcome at a feminist march.
12
Actually, we would welcome you! This is a great point.
Altering work policies regarding family leave is essential to promoting equality.
We have so much to do. A major step would be to establish a paid and extended parental leave policy that is not gender-based.
Women in the US hardly receive any maternity benefits, for one thing.
Recovery from childbirth isn't something men need.
You don't make any sense.
1
Who do you know that has maternity benefits? Everyone I know uses disability insurance (if they have it) to pay for their paltry 12 weeks. Paid maternity leave is pretty much non-existent in the US.
2
And why did that angry young woman begin her comment with "I'm sorry..."
She had nothing to be sorry about. That's four-plus years ago. I surely hope that within my lifetime women stop prefacing half (or more) of what they say with "I'm sorry..."
And that when men preface what they say with "I'm sorry.." they MEAN it and are going to actually change, or better yet have already changed.
Signed, one STILL ANGRY old woman.
18
I recently worked a job on a stage floor with a group of young recruits who were looking for a door into my industry. The boss was a male, around 50, several of the recruits were female, mid-20's. One of the recruits was quite pretty, and the boss took an instant liking to her. He was very charming and patient with her mistakes, asked questions about her personal life, and touched her frequently on the shoulder or the small of her back. Oh sure, he was just showing her where to stand, helping her with her form - but he didn't touch anyone else, and had he touched me like that, there would have been a problem. Obviously I should have gone straight to HR, right?
But the wrinkle in that plan was the young woman, who could have shut that whole charade down with a single look. Instead she smiled, acted grateful for all the 'help' she was getting, laughed shyly when he moved her by the small of her back, never brought up her boyfriend, etc. And why not? She was at the front of the line for any openings, over the male recruits and the less attractive females as well.
I will not respond to the #met movement's call to action precisely because it asks us to impose a black and white standard on an issue that is mostly grey. In just this case, we have to ask: are we to stop women from using their femininity to their advantage? Once they get what they want, are we to unite in punishing the men who gave it to them, because their motives were not pure?
27
Did Rome fall because the Romans felt guilty about ruling?
7
Because we are--for the most part--the aggrieved party. In an ideal world, men would be fighting sexism and sexual harassment with something other than defensiveness at worst or cluelessness at best but this ain't the world we're dwelling in.
What is encouraging is that many of the fallen (e.g. Lauer, Spacey, Rose) are being replaced by women; whether this leads to lasting systemic reform remains to be seen but it can only help.
7
Lauer earned $25 million. His replacement, Kotb, makes $7 million. Is that sexism by NBC?
Citing millionaires doesn't help 99.9% of the population, male or female.
1
Because it won’t be addressed if we women don’t insist that it’s a priority and make it our priority. Many men have been sexually compromised and I hope they will band with us. But no one knows the magnitude of the issue as we women do. It’s got our name on it and this is our opportunity.
8
The writer has made her identity her morality and is shocked that the half of the population who doesn't share her identity aren't falling over themselves to put her preferred policies into place?
When all you have to offer is "Women good, men bad", more and more men will stop listening.
And men see that other men who ARE sympathetic to the Lindy Wests of the world are still constantly hectored, lectured, insulted and told to shut up any time they have the most innocuous disagreement or question.
So good luck finding men who will sign up to assist.
39
This article makes it sound like it's some kind of really great deal being a guy.
It isn't.
20
19.6% of all elected positions in Congress are held by women, but that's not entire due to sexism--in many races, there are no women on the ballot. So we need more women on the ballot.
4
An important article with a pertinent question - why is it the job of women to fix this mess? The answer, of course, is it requires the cooperation and concerted effort of all people to reach equality in life for all people.
Men can quit tolerating "locker room talk/remarks" by speaking plainly to the offenders. Men can quit tolerating gestures and actions of other men towards women/others, again by speaking plainly to the offenders. Men can make it plain by their actions and words that treating others in a debasing, offensive manner is not acceptable and so forth.
Women can stand up and quit tolerating being treated/spoken to in an offensive way and absolutely not tolerate abuse of any kind. If it is actionable by the law, report it and get out of there. Women can begin at home by not tolerating this type of behavior by their husbands/boyfriend/SO or their children. Women can begin at home by teaching their children, by example and discussion, that everyone deserves to be treated equally and with respect. This last, I feel, is incredibly important. As the one who mostly raises children, until that changes, it is an opportunity for women to implant within their children the actions, behaviors and beliefs for equality and respect of our fellow humans, regardless of gender, race or station in life. Reform can begin at home with one's own children and then broaden that out into the world.
Each of us can do our part, but most of all, men need to step up - now.
126
All men have an invested interest in nothing changing, unfortunately.
1
Women, like men, must also stand up for other women or nothing will change.
2
Too many times I tried to step up for women and women have just told me that it is not my job to do so. Anecdotally, I found met equal numbers of women who want men to be part of the solution and want men to not be involved because that would interrupt their camaraderie as women taking care of their own problems - no uninvited guests allowed.
1
First off, over generations it’s been left to a fair number of us men to support fairness and an absence of sexism in the workplace and, to the extent that any person can affect his or her society, in even greater constituencies. If it hadn’t been for us, women would be in largely the same place they were in the early 1960s. So, assuming that many decent men HAVEN’T regarded “fixing sexism” merely “women’s work” isn’t a good way to start this column – it offends precisely the men women DON’T want to offend, or shouldn’t.
But it should be noted that it could be the JOB of Steve from accounting to talk over you if what you’re proposing as an ad director is expensive and the company is broke.
One also hopes that “Time’s Up” is taking donations, because a $13 million legal defense fund will suffice for only a couple months of Gloria Allred’s time’s-up.
As to Lindy’s over-the-top suggestions as to what men can do, it might astonish but the #MeToo movement and its objectives aren’t the ONLY priorities in society today: if the men she mentioned were to destroy their economic viability in a mass protest to shun everyone who doesn’t conform to Lindy’s view of political correctness and workplace fairness, how can they help further OTHER priorities?
#MeToo and “Time’s Up” notwithstanding, the ultimate success of these movements will be a close thing, and excess as opposed to incremental progress isn’t helping. You’ve come a long way, Lindy, and it was incrementalism that did it.
5
I don't think for a minute that men helped women due to some altruistic desire. Around the 70s, companies started paying people less per hour, even though there was plenty of work. So more middle class women started working. (Note that poor women have always worked). It is convenient to pay them less by making up some rationale, and to keep rewarding your buddies from the locker room. Sexual harassment lawsuits started cropping up, so companies started to train people per their lawyers advice and people took down their girlie calendars and stopped grabbing the secretary in public.
Women making decent salaries were attractive to men, so they starting acting more woke and doing some housework to keep their wives from leaving them.
Maybe the best the #MeToo can do is make it really unattractive financially (law suits, getting fired) to harass women and then maybe make it really unattractive to not promote someone qualified. What #MeToo does is both advertise the real cost of keeping all the harassers around and also give women the understanding that we are 50% of the population and can probably get some things done.
Voting is one of the least difficult things to do, and you don't have to vote as hubby or the pastor or your dad or your sexist creepy boss want you to.
Forming organizations of women in politics, the workplace, the community, the church may also be necessary.
Innovator:
There's the very edge of cynicism overhanging the abyss, and there is ... the abyss. Countless decent men labored for decades not because there was some pecuniary advantage to hiring, mentoring and advancing women in the workplace, but because it was the decent thing to do. Your paranoia isn't any less disreputable than your monumental cynicism or your blindness to reality.
3
While sympathetic to the plight of women working to change behaviors and perceptions, I am afraid the author is asking too much to expect men to man the barricades with them. There is only so much energy and outrage in each of us, and most people save it for issues that directly affect them. It is human nature, and to me understandable. It is more realistic and reasonable to expect men to behave better--to treat all colleagues with the same respect, regardless of their gender (or race or nationality or whatever). Isn't that really the goal here? Getting men to go to speeches or boycott the bad guys or whatever other public display of humility the author would like to see probably won't actually help women nearly as much. I try to do my best, but essays like this make me roll my eyes.
24
I'm going to ask a question. "Why do women constantly say derogatory and demeaning things about men?"
I have always been a kind man. I cannot tell you how many times I have been slain by a woman's comment about me or men in general.
I'm sure I'll get reamed for this comment.
104
As a woman, I never understood it. It seems like the basis of most sitcoms for decades was demeaning the man in the family. Husbands were depicted as dumb, clueless bumbling idiots who needed their wives to set them straight. I think an entire generation of American women grew up with the idea that men are somehow always inferior.
Keep up with being kind. I hope the next generation is not as exposed to those toxic social messages.
4
Of course it's never right to be derogatory or demeaning, of anyone. I believe that's your experience.
Want to bet that women can match your list 10:1?
5
YES.. if women will pledge to stop their emotional abuse of men (including all gender-stereotypes in their expectations of men) I would take their outrage more seriously. A change needs to be made at the foundation of our culture and EVERYONE will need to sacrifice some of their comfort zone and privilege.
1
Yet another sexist rant by someone who supposedly opposes sexism. You cannot eliminate sexist discrimination with more sexist discrimination. The author is also under the false impression that men are asking what we can do to help. Actually, the vast majority of us do not care and the ones that do realize that all of your statistics, your data, are misleading or false. Only 3% of construction jobs are female because only a very few women want and are capable of doing those jobs. You want more ad executives to be female? Try starting an advertising firm that is exempt from the anti-discrimination laws. I suggest calling it part of the Church of Feminism.
53
In response to:Only 3% of construction jobs are female because only a very few women want and are capable of doing those jobs.
Baloney. Women are typically relegated to sign holders on road construction crews. Think that's by choice? Men are very comfortable with the system that holds women back. And anyone who is deemed a threat to the system is ostracized in the workplace.
1
You're clearly missing the forest for the trees by focusing on only the last sentence of the article, but that seems intentional.
I will say, however, that this is enlightening: "The author is also under the false impression that men are asking what we can do to help. Actually, the vast majority of us do not care and the ones that do realize that all of your statistics, your data, are misleading or false." Thank you for the honesty, at least? Thankfully you don't speak for all men, and there are many who are not so insecure and uninformed as to read this article and see a sexist rant against men.
2
Well said, Lindy. In my long life I have never ever had any support from individual men--men who were friends, dates, colleagues. Quite the opposite. When I've confronted them about gender equality the response is "I'm not guilty" or some weak defense equally as tepid.
As much as men depend upon women their entire lives, it would seem logical that men would want to uplift women, even for the selfish "enlightened self-interest" reasons.
Men have traditionally globally been so coddled in patriarchies around the world that empathy for women has been sucked out of them. Women are dished up to men worldwide as an entitlement that men take for granted. There will always be available women so if one gets uppity and difficult fire her, divorce her and replace her.
Women collectively are going to have to make themselves less available to men sexually, emotionally, and in the workplace before women are taken seriously by men. The physical strength imbalance is very troublesome no matter how "modern and evolved" humans become.
It is easier for a man to rape a woman than to trap a cat! With physical dominance comes psychological and economic dominance, especially when all the laws favor men. Men hold ALL the cards.
Women will always be smaller and physically weaker than men. Young girls could be taught fighting skills but they are still weaker than men.
Or women will have to COLLECTIVELY as a CRITICAL MASS (there's the rub) demand better protective legislation.
14
Correct. Its not just, or only womens work. Men are the creators and as such need to step...man-up, and do the hard work of stopping the Creeps and dangerous males in their ranks. At work, on the street, etc. Police Deps need to take sexual abuse, harassment charges seriously...and not blow them off. Human Rsources (regretfully most often staffed with complicit female management) need to step-up as well.
But IF both sexes are awares of how Corporations prey on our insecurities, and what adult doesnt know this in 2018? - crying victim is sort of a lame excuse.
Everyone, take a chill from all the frivolous consumption in 2018. Seriously, youll survive without the not really on sale, sale items. Or the latest skin cream, body wash, and goes with anything items du jour.
Ladies, QVC is not your friend. They are preying on your compulsion to buy - even if its Imam selling it.
1
Based on the comments so far, we have a long long long way to go. Apparently, it's all our fault because we "have allowed" ourselves to be "oppressed and suppressed" (that's right, the oppressors have nothing to do with it) and because we have ovaries instead of testicles so this is the natural order (because we are still on the Serengeti).
Sigh.
42
Except women are equally responsible for building the 'patriarchy' and keeping it alive.. you can't cherrypick out what you don't like without examining your part in sustaining it.
1
I do not get this argument, and I see it keep popping up. Are people of color equally responsible for systematic racism? I'm fairly sure the very definition of "institutional oppression" precludes equal responsibility.
Right...again. You may have noticed we still live in a 'macho' society, where the so called cultural values are what has been accepted as 'normal'. Abuses masking as 'business as usual'. This must change, and the sooner the better, and by anybody that can call himself/herself human and humane. It is not that we men ought not contribute righting this wrong; at the moment, other than the sensationalist fall of well-known males abusing their power (via sexism), our upbringing biases remain intact; this, plus male insecurities and immaturity certainly do not contribute to rational answers of a deeply emotional and tribal phenomenon. The ideal, to accept gender equality, and mutual respect (if not love), is starting at infancy, at home (and, hopefully not in a domestic abuse environment). Man and Woman, opposites in gender, are fully complementary, and dependent on each other. At least, that is what needs to occur by changing our culture. And that is the rub.
2
Men and women are not opposite in gender.
Men and women are the two sexes in the dimorphic human species.
Gender is an artificial construct devised by confused humans and trender-bender academics who could not stand the designation of "Women's Studies."
There are only two sexes: males and female. Confused people may think there are 161 genders, but Nature only makes males and females. (Except for the rare --- 1 in 15,000 --- cases where cell division goes wrong resulting in genetic defects and XYY or XYY miscombinations.)
2
The statistic you’ve provided is incredibly inaccurate. Up to 5% of people have variable biological sex expression.
Go to the streets. Anything less is never working. Everything else is window dressing. Everything else is deceptive, either to yourself or to the lower classes. Stop all work, join in unity and hit the streets until you,claim victory.
4
Go to your county party office and get involved in politics, and run for office. Take over the legislatures where laws are actually made. Going to the streets only raises awareness, which is great, but in the end, you need to take real positions of power.
4
It's interesting to hear reactions from many men. They seem confused and need to be told what they can possibly do. They don't understand what women are asking for and can't imagine how they can help. This is so different to their behavior in my primarily male profession, where men take charge whether they know what they're doing or not. It rings of the old-fashioned idea that women are so darn hard to figure out with their unpredictable emotions.
Or they say that it's up to the abused to fight for changes, as if it doesn't affect them and their family if their wives or the daughter they paid a fortune to educate don't get equal pay for equal work; or if their wife, mother, daughter, girlfriend were sexually abused at work or elsewhere. They may be part of a family where this inequality dramatically affects their family life, but they somehow separate themselves from this.
Of course both men and women have been trained to go along with this inequality, and I expect that's why some women vote against women and their best interests. They too have been brainwashed into believing they are inferior. It will take some serious reflection to understand the situation and figure out each of us can change it for the better. But men need to take ownership if no other reason than it is directly impacting their lives.
43
Easy answer to the 'angry woman's' question - because a lot of women don't want the men around, don't want them involved, don't want to hear what they have to say as reps from the patriarchy. Imagine the howls if there had been 3 men on that panel and 1 woman. Imagine if they had talked about men helping women up - then the angry question would be 'why do we need men to help us?!' Imagine if men in the audience had spoken up what the reaction would be. There are a lot of good men out there who spend their lives trying to do the right thing, treat others with respect, sincerely negotiate the uncertainty of human interaction - telling them that their what they think does not count because they are not women, preaching to them, or denigrating them does not make things better, but that is a lot of what men hear and have learned to expect. Sure, plenty of men don't want to go to such an event because they don't care, but plenty of well-intentioned men believe they are either unwanted or anticipate hostility.
Anecdotes: 1) there was a course at Boston college years ago - male students were not allowed because they did not have the pre-requisite of being women, AND, because the instructor felt the women in the class would behave differently if males were there. 2) Women justifiably complain that men don't do equal lifting in household/family duties, yet I see plenty of couples where the woman won't let the man help (they tell me so).
21
Why would men take it upon themselves to change to help women, change the world they have dominated aggressively and pointedly in their favor? When you and your kind have it better, you are not likely to hand over some of that good to others you have stepped on to be the dominant group that you are. However, men cannot be happy with themselves without equality. What I have experienced of inequality between the sexes is the terrible loneliness of men. The fact that they have to victimize women to feel like men is tragic for them. Though most men are not evil, many are hurting. I've been in the online dating scene and nearly every man there seems desperate for love. Those who appear to be "better off" are often walled-off, disconnected from their fellow human beings, and when this happens life can be claustrophobic. Where do you turn for inspiration, joy, affection? I once received a frantic message from a young man, a graduate of West Point. "Please, can we meet at a coffee shop or something so I can sit next to a nice woman? I really, really just need to talk." His picture: a gorgeous guy you would think could get any woman he wanted. Men are often lost, clueless. They need to think seriously about evolving, about making inner and outer changes for the women they so desperately desire, but who are no longer willing to settle for anything less than partners who truly love - and like them.
2
Nope. Sorry. Not going to do it. As a woman, I'm not giving this fight to men to handle. I expect nothing of them.
10
Hello, thank you for sharing your thoughts.
You make a good point and I quite agree that it is just as much - if not more so - men’s responsibility to help bring about an end to sexism and sexual harassment. There is certainly something to be said for the lack of major male figure engagement so far and while the coming of organizations like Times Up are an extremely encouraging development, I agree it would be even more encouraging if more public male figures were to begin taking action in a manner similar to your examples in the article.
That said, however, I also feel this article does not offer much to the effect of how men in an everyday sense can help. Most of the men reading this article are not likely to be individuals with the immense financial resources or PR influence of male figures like Matt Damon or Robert Downey Jr.
That may not have been the point for this piece, but I believe it bears considering, given the goal of having more male audience members at meetings like the one you mentioned, in the future. I would ask what are some ways that you feel any average man can begin to help? How can men be encouraged to better learn, network, spread awareness, etc. so that hopefully they can get to be just as engaged and committed as so many women are right now?
Best regards and thank you for your time.
3
You ask a good question. The average man could start by learning the issue. Educate yourself about how women's careers are stalled (or entirely destroyed) by a sexist work environment. Do some reading, ask female friends, relatives and co-workers. Let the women in your life know that if they feel harassed that you will back them up, believe them and fight for them. If you witness harassment or the infamous "locker room talk" learn the Billy Bush lesson and call the man out rather than laughing along. Let the other men in your world know that this is no longer acceptable behavior to you. In the same way you would speak up against a racist comment, speak up against a sexist one. In other words, be a decent human being. Easy peasy. Hope that helps.
2
Here's something any man can do:
The next time you hear or see another man tell a sexist joke, or cat-call or comment on a woman's appearance, or jokingly talk about assault or rape, call him out on it. Say "that's not funny", or "I am offended by that comment", or "hey, it's not cool to comment on a woman's body".
It may be hard to do at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.
2
My mother fought for womens' rights in the 70s. She got her deputy position in the government because she wrote in her application essay that men should have to be made to understand that they had to help women advance, and women always had to work with men. I was very impressed with her.
My father was always impressed with women, because his mother had the first woman-owned beauty salon in New Haven CT.
If you have good men and women in your life, then you will think you will be OK. I've certainly been harassed, but because I did not think I should put up with that, I didn't. Other women weren't so lucky, and I am glad, GLAD, that they are speaking up.
92
First hand proof that the solution is for men and women to support their women getting ahead.
The wrong question is being asked. Sexism like all the other negative "ism's" is not just the responsibility the injured or oppressed party to remedy nor is it the responsibility of the oppressor to "fix". That whole "Stronger Together" stuff is not just a bumper sticker slogan. The responsibility to "fix" the world belongs to every human who can do so. Working together is not only useful, it is a basic requirement for change.
The tough jobs that required upper body strength and physical endurance are disappearing before our eyes due to robots and the like. Women are passing the physical tests to be firefighters, combat soldiers and to do all the other jobs that men say only they can do. Large numbers of weak women who did not do physical work is a construct of the past few centuries.
in the late 1960's I worked as a seasonal letter carrier because I passed a Federal SAT-type test. I was the only women hired in my town because there was no choice. I wasn't allowed to drive so I had to carry everything I delivered. I earned the same wage as the male seasonal workers. The Postmaster did not allow the men I worked with to speak (they might swear) while I was present. I was treated with respect because of who the men were, not who I was. It was a great summer job for a college student.
There are workplaces where strictly enforced regulations mean women are hired, paid and promoted with some measure of equality. They are public, accountable and vulnerable now.
11
Two things that would help. Revive and pass the Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution. Persuade the religious right to recant their harmful politics that sexually oppress women, for example vis a vis birth control, women's rights in the office, home and bedroom, abortion, etc.
12
THIS.
Where is the ERA these days? Why no mention of it AT ALL?! It was all I heard as a child in California in the 70s. Then Reagan was elected and [POOF] it disappeared forever. Bring it back as the climate is so much more conducive to its passage today.
1
I agree with the message of this opinion piece, but I'll be frank that I'm tired of the tone. There are plenty of men - probably most - that will not read this piece because they have no interest and nothing to gain. But, strangely, the scorn is left for the men who do sympathize and want to help. We need to move past the reductive classifications of good and bad by race, gender and religion, and recognize that in every group (hello, women who voted for Trump and Moore!) there are good and bad, those who will help and those who will hinder. Sure, it's more complicated than making assumptions and unloading on the only people who will listen to you. But it also makes partners in the process.
51
...the tone... seriously? Does that need to be the response to every article a woman authors, to every speech, every book? "I totally agree but boy, her TONE..." please, someone point me to a response to a man's tone ever on anything ever.
The men who are truly partners with women don't throw shade about tone.
21
I apply the term "tone" when I describe the phenomenon I observed in Ms West's article. If the thrust of your argument relies on "you are X (an immutable characteristic), therefore you're part of the problem" then "a problem of tone" is the mildest term I'll be inclined to use, and I apply it to men using similarly problematic reductions all the time.
I am a sixty year old woman. I have been a feminist since I became enlightened at the age of 16. It was my mother who instilled the patriarchy into me. It was her female friends that backed her up, by focusing completely on the question: Is she pleasing to men? Will she get a husband? It was my older sister and the mean girls at school that primarily oppressed me, mostly by mocking the idea that I would have any worth to men. It was a female friend who took my husband and destroyed my family. There were countless women at work who undermined me and who played on their looks to get ahead with men. I know that men had a hand in this, and benefited the most from the patriarchy -- but their efforts to distort and repress me did somehow not feel as personal as the betrayal by my "sisters". For heaven's sake, face it -- we are all complicit -- both genders. People must be dealt with one by one, and take responsibility for themselves before they ask others to change. I have nothing against men -- some of my best friends are men. And my doctor, my dentist, my veterinarian and my Congressional delegation are all women. So yes, we must fight discrimination and harmful stereotypes and seek justice and equal opportunity for all people. But we must reach for the humanity in everyone, and try to bond over that, instead of going after men or saying that men are the problem.
48
Thank you.. it was always women in my life (including my mother) that used 'be a man' as a weapon and teased me with 'sissy' and the like to try to force the stereotypes when I was a young child. The change needed goes DEEP and I'm not sure the author of the article would be willing to examine her own complicity and sexism.
2
I will continue, as opportunities present, to hire women, pay them for value and promote them where appropriate. Always had a zero tolerance for abuse and nonsense in the workplace. At the same time I will exercise great caution beyond that and when dismissals come as they do let HR deal with it. I have no intention of being the speech or thought police for other men. I will note the adversarial nature of the discussion and implement appropriate risk management. Make good business decisions, ally politically as needed...watch ones back.
4
why? Seriously, why would anyone want to dismantle a system that works for them. Right and wrong ultimately comes down to a matter of opinion. No one ever does the right thing until that becomes the best and, in some cases, the only option.
4
Those young fathers I see on the street, holding hands with their little pink-and-purple-suited daughters -- they adore those girls and should step up to the plate here for their future.
12
Lindy West is very good at imposing obligations on other people. She is very good at deciding what other people should stand for and what they should believe in. But Lindy West is not very knowledgeable about men's lives, especially the violence and threatening behavior that men deal with every day.
I saw a billboard on the subway today, where a man is encouraged to tell a group of sexual harassers to stop. In real life, you'd run the risk of a beating; in fact, I've known people who've endured a lengthy hospital stay for this kind of "heroism". Of course, it's easy for Lindy West, writing her occasional column, to impose risks on men for whom she cares little.
89
You're totally right. You should sit back and do nothing. After all, the north ended slavery by sitting back and doing nothing. Black men and all women earned the right to vote by sitting back and doing nothing. In fact, society's greatest achievements, biggest leaps of progress, have all resulted from us sitting back and doing nothing. Meanwhile women everywhere are in danger simply be living in a world with men (you think I'm exaggerating? look up stats on what percentage of injuries and deaths to women are the result of male-perpetrated sexual (and otherwise) violence). Buy by all means, don't take any risks on our behalf.
5
It's interesting a poster instilled this fear in you for a moment. Women suffer this fear every day of their lives from their family, spouses, coworkers, bosses and strangers. Imagine facing a beating or rape many times. This is exactly what she's talking about. Why is the burden of facing rape placed entirely on us? That's the point. We need your help to face the danger.
4
Preach Brother! Or maybe Sister! If sister, I have a ton of respect.
Power concedes nothing without a demand. Black people did not create Jim Crow, but it was the leadership of black people that took it down, not the sudden empathy of white folk. Yes, there are and have been white allies in this fight, but black people stood up first, steered the ship and kept on stoking the engine. In the fight against sexism, women will continue to have to lead the way. Men will show up when and where they see a place for themselves, but it will be we women who steer the ship and stoke the engine of this movement.
77
Pam: Well and clearly stated. That's what I think history shows us; women's suffrage is another obvious example.
6
i think you would have a hard time arguing that sexism is a male invention. the female of the species has definitely had a part in crafting gender roles. women are aparty to all of this. it was Harveys female staff that delivered potential victims to him. i keep thinking "beware of us-vs-them thinking, which just deepens conflict by constructing even stronger identities from which to hold beliefs and to divide. am not saying i have a solution, but as a woman am definitely uncomfortable with this level of blame, especially regarding an issue that is so complex.
31
Also, don't forget that women (conservative southern women) put an end to the ERA, and that the majority of white women voted for Trump and Moore -- both white males with a history of sexually harassing women. Some gender outreach and soul-searching is required by the MeToo movement.
10
I don't think Harvey's female staff had much of a choice - they would have been fired if they didn't "deliver potential victims to him".
3
... they would have been fired if they didn't "deliver potential victims "
So?
Everyone faced with a moral choice can say that as an excuse as to why they made the wrong choice.
I'm not perfect but I do know that if my boss asked me to get his ED drugs for his regularly scheduled sexual assault sessions, I would find another job.
That those women didn't shows (1) that they have low moral character and (2) that contrary to West's screed, there is plenty of work for EVERYONE to do, not just men.
Trump better start gearing up for a second term. This kind of divisive, far-left identity politics nonsense is going to push away all the moderates.
35
Part of the problem is people who think asking men to act to change things is "far-left identity politics".
43
Actually, it's much more accurate to say in this context that "part of the problem is WOMEN who think that asking men and/or women to act to change such problems is "far-left identity politics. I'm afraid KATE and all of her sisters are a MAJOR part of the problem and we have to find some way to reach her and her sisters. SHE does not see any of this as a problem...and as long as that is the case...the change we want (sadly) can't happen.
5
As a cisgender white man I'm going to try to answer this question seriously.
Why am I not on the barricades fighting sexism? Because I think altruism is in short supply. While feminism and Wollstonecraft's prescriptions for a companionate marriage have made for interesting conversations with the women in my life, frankly modern feminism has little or nothing to offer me.
If I sincerely believed that women's continued advancement in North American society c. 2018 I would be a strong supporter, but current feminist rhetoric is all win-lose, e.g. women win and men lose. The language of patriarchy, victimhood and oppression gets tiring. White men who try to be moral or contribute to feminism are simply told to shut up and give up lest they be mansplainers or patriarchal oppressors.
If women want men on the barricades fighting sexism I'd suggest they shift their language from feminism to socialism (something we could ALL benefit from).
318
Need to add something...how can someone benefitting from American-style hypercapitalism (that's a lot of people in the U.S.) be convinced to support socialism? As you say, the question is "what's in it for me." If that's your only reason for acting, you've shut the door on a lot of social change.
8
Thank you, Hazlit,for shining a bright light on the problem. You are correct. When women are treated as people, rather than conveniences, those who use those conveniences do lose something of value. Not having to do your fair share is something that has value. Being able to depend on someone else to do the scutwork has value. So yes, when women stop taking it, ordinary men will lose some things they have come to rely on. They will gain some things too, because, frankly, I suspect that being a "man" can take its own toll. Something for you? How about a world in which when women meet you, they aren't worrying about whether you are going to harass them or worse? Is it fun to be with people who are always on guard with you?
5
That is exactly what feminists did during the Bolshevic Revolution. Have you read the accounts of women heros during the Russian Revolution and WWII? How they fought alongside men, even in the siege of STalingrad? And did you see how they ended in the Soviet Union? As photographs in East European bride catalogs, desperately looking for opportunities denied to the many highly educated women that turn 28.
3
Let's grant your simplification that eons ago a group of men sat down at a stone table and created a system that was designed to exploit women. It's no more oversimplified that Locke's or Hobbe's social contracts. The fact remains that all those men are dead, and those men who are still alive were born into this system, just like the women. You can't one moment say "Men just don't get it", and the next moment say they are the experts on Male Supremacy. No one male or female has either the power or knowledge to fix the system overnight.
Some men have power and some don't, but the real problem is figuring out what needs to be done, and how to get there from here. Some of the ideas in your 3rd to last paragraph have potential, but they would be either helpful or disastrous depending on how they were executed. The boycott of Twitter, for example, would probably be objected to by those who use twitter for feminist purposes
What is needed is someone with a mind for Wonkish details, who can analyze exactly what the problem is, listen carefully to all the different arguments on each side, and figure out what actions would take us one step closer to solving the problem. In other words, someone like Hillary Clinton.
7
A thought provoking opinion: Fixing sexism is seen as women's work because most men don't object to sexism, for all practical purposes, or we don't feel it's ok to stand up for women. Many of us can't stand the thought of being "bested" or even equaled by women. I'm 63 and rarely have I heard another man acknowledge the non-sexual talents of women, although praising another man's abilities is very common. I have two daughters in their thirties and it's hard even for me to advocate or praise their abilities with anyone other than my wife or because I sense that I'll be somehow rejected if I do so by men or come across as coming on to women. That's my bad and, having become conscious of my part in maintaining this outdated patriarchal system, I'll do what I can to help move away from it.
35
It is not that men can't participate in fighting sexism. They can, and do, help.
But if we take the tone that it is up to men to fix the problem, well, that gives one gender lopsided power and just perpetuates the problem.
5
To be blunt, Ms West: men have their own problems and can't afford to spend too much time making someone's else life better. I'm not saying that men are victims of sexism, of course, but life is full of trouble and unlike the men Ms West mentions by name, most men don't have millions of dollars to smooth out those troubles.
Most men are just struggling o make ends meet and if you want to get them on board, talk about creating a fairer system for everyone, not just standing up for a case that affects you in particular and wondering why the unaffected aren't standing with you
38
So to follow your logic, we shouldn't expect white people to fight racism because white people have their own problems and anyway fighting racism doesn't make the system MORE fair for white people so why should white people be expected to join the fight?
Sounds pretty ridiculous, yeah?
2
It may not be "our responsibility" but men set up the system and therefore have more to lose (depending on your point of view). Why would they want to change it? Sadly, many women buy into this as much if not more so than men, particulary the most religious of them. Go read your bible, ""I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
4
Even if men refuse to step-up, women can completely change the culture and the power structure themselves. The idea: A national strike. Women across the country (and around the world?) refuse to do any work whatsoever until The Man relinquishes power to The Woman.
3
Michael Moore's newest movie/DVD ("Where to Invade Next")shows some very realistic ways that women have taken back their rights around the world. Many of those ideas originated in the U.S. I advocate watching more than once and sharing with others, particularly the sections on Norway & Iceland.
3
I always make it a point to read Ms. West's article. She's smart and has had a totally different journey than mine. However, I'm not sure who the intended audience is for this article. If it is men, I'm left asking: has screaming at someone to change ever worked?
Unfortunately Ms. West, women's help is needed in addressing sexism. Men need a women's perspective. No human assumes that everything they do is bad. Men need to be educated about sexism like a toddler. Toddlers assume that eating candy for every meal is ok because they do not know any better. Parents are needed to educate the ignorant.
And please save the extreme examples of rape, obvious work-related quid pro quos, and Harvey Weinsteins. That is criminal behavior and any reasonably moral man knows the difference.
Ms. West brought up microaggressions. No one can figure out by themselves if they are bothering someone on a micro level. Men need help with this.
Yelling at someone to change has never worked. In fact, the exact opposite is usually what happens. This longstanding problem can't be changed overnight. It needs a steady diet of empathy and education.
If women don't want to lead the charge, the problem won't get fixed.
It's a fact of life that you can't punish and educate at the same time. And, if you want to reduce sexism, don't start with yelling.
8
Yes, Norm, but Ms. West isn't saying anything against what you rightly said. You're both on the same side.
5
Sincere question: Who's "yelling"? You also reference "screaming". Did I miss something, or is a strong woman's voice landing differently for you than it is for me?
4
This is the state of young American women: Too entitled to fight for their own equal rights.
30
No, not at all. Young American women are fighting. But this is a fight to make society more equal and more welcoming. One group cannot do it alone.
Those from other groups-to include men- have to get on board and acknowledge that sexism is an actual problem and take some time to see what one can do about it personally, be that through taking a step back and looking at one's own treatment of others or actually getting out there and marching on behalf of others.
We're not asking you to solve the problem for us. We're asking for support.
"We did not create this system"? Yes we didn't and this is precisely the problem. Women have not started companies, men did, and the culture has flown from that. Uber, Google, Miramax, you name it - all companies created by men. Not to say that it excuses bad behavior but can we get real? Can we forget about the non-issue of so-called microagressions, grow thicker skin, roll up our sleeves and build our own system, female owned enterprises where we can make things happen rather than beg powerful men for promotions and recognitions? Rather than providing legal defense fund, TimesUp should be providing seed capital to female entrepreneurs and promote female oriented VC funding and small business lending. Economic empowerment and access to capital is the ONLY way to "fix" gender inequality once and for all.
27
“Rather than providing legal defense fund, TimesUp should be providing seed capital to female entrepreneurs and promote female oriented VC funding and small business lending.”
Or, you know, BOTH of those things.
1
Ms. West's article is an example of how the screaming isn't over yet-- and accomplishes nothing. Most men favor equality in all its respects. Most (if not all men) did not create the patriarchy. Most men would be allies but there are two realities that have not been confronted: 1. In a zero growth world economy (and it is stagnating) competition for jobs (not to mention job attrition due to roboticization) will drive resistance to special employment treatment for women and "women owned businesses". It is in fact a zero sum game--despite the claims that everyone will benefit from the social and economic changes advocated by feminism (broadly defined) the assertion is demonstrably dubious. 2. Angry, hateful rants on Twitter are not the exclusive province of men. Readers should sample the female invective (viz. Huffington Post editor who tweeted--"kill all men") and understand that a universally losing strategy for getting what you want is alienating those who you would wish to advocate and pursue change on your behalf. Polarization by definition has two poles, and it takes two to polarize. Ms. West's article is not thoughtful, accurate or effective. But it is certainly polarizing. If she would put her anger and shtick aside and focus on constructive solutions with men her talents would be well-rewarded and we would all be better off.
20
I find it incredible (in the literal sense) that "Most men favor equality in all its respects." Is there reason to believe it, other than nice words? (I'm talking about the U.S., not female slave societies like our favorite ally Saudi Arabia or our favorite battleground Afghanistan.)
12
Social Justice and Thomas: in most families today, both the man and the woman need to work. Thus, it behooves the MEN to want good working conditions for their women: free from discrimination and harassment; equal pay for equal work; decent benefits which acknowledge it is ONLY women who can bear children. This has certainly been my experience in my marriage, where my husband has been my cheerleader in chief, encouraging me to take on the establishment as needed. Here is the problem: the men at the top, who make and implement and enforce policy are not guys like my husband or you two: they are the aggressive guys who decided from day-1 they deserved to run a company, a country, etc. They generally CHOSE women who are not ambitious, who would put their own interests behind the husband, who-- to be honest-- enjoy being the kept woman. Guys like that thus have no skin in the game of assisting women. Thus-- we need the rank and file men to join this cause if we are ever to achieve the gender parity which will help the mainstream American family.
2
karen, I'm sure you are right about the "aggressive guys". (Remembering that there are exceptions.) It's an inherent and unpleasant difficulty of hierarchical systems, that has to be fought. Good for you for fighting.
As for normal working couples, behooving doesn't imply existence, so there is no contradiction between your observations and my opinion. Maybe I'm too cynical. Husbands like yours deserve acknowledgement (and praise); publicizing their existence as good examples has to be beneficial. I know I'm glad to read the good news.
You want to eliminate sexism? How about the ERA, equal pay (Iceland just made it illegal to pay men more than women), our healthcare decisions OUR healthcare decisions, eliminate the pink tax/pink washing, rein in the beauty industry that finds fault with whatever way you look, rein in the whole Botox, cool sculpting etc. industry targeting women's insecurity about their looks, strengthen gun laws , domestic violence, sexual assault laws (most women are killed by someone they know, not a stranger), pay women who leave the workforce to raise children, care for elderly parents/relatives whomever, fight tooth and nail for Medicare/Social Security, especially Social Security that is the lifeline for most senior American women, gosh I could go on and on... You get the idea, give American women equal rights as we sure don't have them in the 21st century America, it's more like the 15th century...
9
I think this may be the most important thing I've read all year.
Ok I know it's January 3rd so I'll ammend that: all decade!
3
And here is another side to the issue of gender discrimination that I have yet to see meaningfully discussed. Harvey Weinstein - gross pig that he is - did promote women he found attractive, gave women he found attractive opportunities that other women did not get. For every harasser out there eyeing women in the workplace - there are the women who weren't the object of their attentions whose careers stalled, went nowhere and eventually were shown the door or left due to no opportunities there. This happens in every workplace - but most definitely entertainment. Go into any studio and survey who the young women on the rise have been the last two decades. IF we are going to have a meaningful conversation about workplace harassment it needs to include the women who who have been on the other side - not pleasing the male bosses eyes or ideas of womanhood and losing opportunities because of it. These women are victims too - and their careers have truly suffered for it.
9
This columnist is spot on. Her suggestions as to what men can do should be done. It's fine for women to suggest that every company should have an anonymous tip line, with outside investigations that do just that and make recommendations back to the corporation who follow it. But it takes the men in power to say we are going to fix it and then do it. And the media can help by refusing to give air time to any guy who is known to be abusing women.
It's the same issue with illegal immigrants. Why do we blame the immigrants when it's the corporations hiring them?. White men in power want to perpetuate the status quo b/c easier and cheaper for them. Women can call them out but men are the ones who need to act.
205
Most white men arenot "in power" in any sense. Any ideas for them?
2
You tell those rascal men! Yeah! What a bunch of jerks. Lets call them jerks and then try to get them on our side and see how that works. LOL!
3
My only objection to this is this line: "Sexism is a male invention."
Sexism has been around for so long that it predates the written word, which means we don't know who invented it, why, or how it was enforced originally. None of which matters now: What matters now is that there's a concerted effort to punish individuals and organizations who mistreat people because of their sex.
6
There is a lot of rightful anger and disgust expressed by MeToo (and BLM too). I sometimes can't figure out what the movements want more, Change or Revenge. I sense in the anger here that many women want men to feel their pain, not in a sympathetic way, but in a real "now it's your turn" way. Again, very understandable. But it will be near impossible to rally male comrades and achieve positive change when you are at the same time seeking revenge on them.
33
Honestly, for most of us, it's not about revenge. For those guilty of the most nefarious acts, yes, they should probably go to trial.
The majority of women that I've spoken to about the #MeToo and BLM movements really just want the system to change. We want a society that is inclusive, where people are paid based on their abilities rather than gender or race and where police action is disciplined and restrained. I don't think that is too much to ask for.
Many years ago, when I was doing a PhD in Computer Science, I looked around the department of 50 or so professors with 2 women in the mix...there are many observations that I could make your regarding a lot of stuff that is brought out now about women in STEM...but I will just make this one, for now:
Looking at a career trajectory of a young academic and the commitment one needs to gain tenure, I realised it could very easily be done, were I too have a "wife" at home to take care of all the other matters that pertain to living a reasonably balanced life, while I lived and breathed "work".
And forget about having kids in your most fertile period of life.
I did not stay to finish the PhD for I realised it did not matter to me, the only reason that made me reluctant to quit, was that I, as a young articulate and fearless feminine presence, made a whole lot of difference to *both* men and women, in the field.
16
It will be interesting to see the results of this latest women's movement which already dangerously seems to be the left yelling at the moderate left. I remember the defeat of the ERA in 1979 through the efforts of conservative women. The fact remains that there was a revolution in the 20th century which has been overwhelmingly peaceful for the most part. Women are now 47 percent of the workforce. 100 years ago they were 20 percent. The number of jobs has decreased and the number of men out of work has increased. This has an effect on the culture. Are working women necessarily better off now? Are working career women seeking to marry stay at home fathers and proudly to be the sole breadwinners? Where does that leave the role of men in society? With our manufacturing mostly overseas how can this country sustain a model of two parents employed full time for all its citizens? For an increasing majority of the nation this is a problem and that problem is not addressed by merely demanding women have more power in business.
22
Working women are better off now than in my mother's time as an RN when she was required to wear a white dress as a uniform no matter that she often found herself physically exposed as she performed CPR to save a patient's life. Working women are better off now that my daughter is able to chart her own course as a veterinarian rather than settling to be the vet's assistant. We have a long, long way to go to modify the world of work to accommodate and fully utilize the talents and intellects of women, but we should recognize and protect the progress we've made.
5
My old company had a women's leadership group that was created to give women in the company opportunities to grow in their field. You know what happened? For 10 years, the group grew in membership - all female. And the executive team remained male. I once had a chance to talk to the founder of the group, she made this sad little comment, "Nothing in the company has changed. We've just been talking to ourselves." That's become my greatest fear for this movement. As long as women are busy building each other up, men can go on business as usual. I don't have any answers, but this was a powerful moment for me. I have hope for the Time's Up group, who can make significant legal changes.
435
Don't you mean as long as women are busy not building each other up, men can go on as usual?
American corporations have done exactly zip to be inclusive, that all stopped with affirmative action. One need only look at top management in just about every company to see this truth.
3
Those women should have broken off and started their own company, or at least threatened to. My guess is that such a threat would have resulted in promotions and salary increases, and leaving the company would have been unnecessary.
Sure, I'm glad to grab an oar on this journey. I've already been pulling on one but readily understand there's more to be done that likely don't yet understand.
What would help is some acknowledgment that 'men' are not the problem, even though all of us benefit in some way from the patriarchy that pervades our society, its institutions, and our expectations, those of women and men. Sometimes we know and can't help it (Do I turn down that promotion?), and often we are wholly unaware.
The toxic men at the center of this moment are not really any better to other men than they are women. At best they accept normal guys are brothers in arms, and even share the fruits of their depredations in order to boilster their own power. They use everyone. Once they wise up to the men around them who do not buy into the enabling value set (sports are the proxy of choice) they get rid of them as quickly as they do the women. More quickly -- the women may be good for laughs, but the men are 'not team players.' That is, traitors.
If you want a moment of 'women helping women' only, it will be as successful as the civil rights movement without its many white members, and without Dr. King's reminders that we do this to serve a higher good, but just our own interests.
78
Extremely well put. It's surprising to me how few women fail to see that many men are also very unhappy with the current landscape of sexism and the welling of power that happens within a specific tribe of mostly men (and a few select women). It's this unhealthy concentration of power and the sociopathy that has engendered it that we need to fight, not maleness as a whole.
7
Read the part of the essay about emotional labor again.
Women DON'T want a movement of "women helping women" only. That's the entire point of this article. And I don't think that any women are stating that ALL men are the problem, but, for all intents and purposes, all of the problem causers are men.
So, as the commenter above states, if men are also unhappy with the landscape, why don't we see Time's Up style movements being started by men? Why don't we see men saying "we need to start a national dialogue amongst MEN about this issue"? It seems like if men were really willing to take responsibility for the havoc wreaked by (some) of their gender then they'd spend less time assuring themselves and each other that it's not ALL men and more time talking to themselves and each other about how they can create and support a male culture fit for the 21st Century.
1
When a guy made a dreadful comment about women, in my hyper-competitive nearly all-male firm in 1992, in front of all the men there, I said: "Guys, it's 1992". I've been a feminist my whole life.
However... after seeing the ritual sacrifice of Al Franken by the women of the Senate, the knowing twisting of Matt Damon's sensible words, and much other tossing of due process to the winds, I am now very cautious. Pain does not provide justification for inflicting pain. That way lies madness.
I'm wary of even posting this comment. And I'm far from alone. For this moment to last and provide dividends, women will need to ensure their goal is not to render men, not to render maleness itself, the enemy. Both genders have great weaknesses, and great strengths, without which there is no whole. From that foundation, we can make a healthier society.
512
Both men faced consequences for the things they said and did. It’s how the world has worked for most people for a long time. It’s not a sacrifice of them.
10
Thank you for being a feminist your whole life. And, I know the definitions of feminism vary and have changed since 1992. But feminism, and the #metoo movement, have never been about rendering the male gender the "enemy": I think the male gender did a pretty good job of that on their own considering something like 99.99% of all sexual misconduct, assault, and violence is perpetrated by men. So while the ultimate goal of feminism isn't to paint the entire male gender with the "enemy" brush, 99.99% of sexual predators are men, so the 'enemies' do lie squarely within the male gender. But I think most of us are nuanced enough to understand that just because all (for all intents and purposes) sexual predators are men does not mean all men are sexual predators. I'm sorry for those of you who feel that the light we're shining on your gender's sexual predation habits threatens your entire gender. I'd ask you to consider why you feel so threatened - what is it you're afraid will change? If you're not a sexual predator, what do you have to lose by whole-heartedly standing up and saying that, in fact, you no longer want such men to represent your gender?
6
Absolutely. I hear you.
I am a woman, but I feel the same way, about this 'movement' and 'moment'.
There *is* a problem, and it is anything but *new*.
To render everything in the prism of 'men' Vs 'women' does everyone a grave deal of injustice. Women have been as much a part of bolstering patriarchy as men. Women have oppressed and reduced other women who don't play the game their way, as much as men.
It is likely the same personality type that benefits from this iteration of 'reckoning' as the ones that did with classic patriarchy - the type that reduces a person to its sex.
2
Bring on all the comments saying it's not men's work to fix sexism and that women participate in keeping women second-class citizens (no kidding!) ...
I would dispute that "transphobia is a cisgender invention," however, and I would drop the use of this word so as not to alienate even more of your audience.
8
These two words? If not, why not?
3
Why is it women's responsibility?
How about this as an answer: if you don't like something, then change it. Don't ask someone else to do it -- do it yourself. Don't be passive. Take the lead and make it happen.
And, please note, that advice applies to all issues -- whether the primary concern is of interest to men, women, gay, straight, rich, poor, and everyone in between.
37
Hey, Aaron, how about your wife decide not to do the dishes, the laundry, the housecleaning, the second job, instead she decided you are to do it? I don't mean you personally; I'm just pointing out that it's not enough for one side to decide to change things.
18
And you conveniently forget just how stacked the deck is? Allied men are going to have participate here.
4
Oh, Mr Zaslovsky, you are very droll and insightful as to the dynamics in play, and are all over the comments today. Thank you for doing your part in this effort, which is what the author and we women ask, and wish to tandem with. It's refreshing to hear your non-defensive, incisive male voice in this conversation.
3
It's not fair, but it's always the burden of the "oppressed" to attain their own freedom.
20
Historically, that is never wholly true. Even the French Revolution benefitted from some support amongst the nobility. The civil rights movement, the women's suffrage movement, the union movement, all needed support from outside their group to succeed. They had to jump-start by themselves but they succeeded in part by getting support from some of the oppressors, by convincing the latter of their moral justification.
27
How convenient and self serving an attitude. The civil rights movement was supported by many white people of conscience. Your attitude says "we are just going to stand by and watch while we benefit." This is also why our planet is threatened fyi.
1
What consistently amazes me is the massive amount of power women won't use. Women could run the whole world in a month as they have the one thing men will do anything for. Sure, some men would just take it. Here in the US, we have laws to prosecute those men. Some would beg for it - and be sent away. Even the nice, good men who presumably are desired by nice, good women - sorry, go away until we get what we want...
If you want equality, you have to demand it, by force of absence if necessary.
6
The Greeks had a word (or rather a play) for it: Lysistrata.
Look it up.
7
This is such a bad approach to take, it feeds sexism. Sorry, so then when women are older and they have nothing to sell, they will just drop out of the work force, the world. At what age do you think that should be? No, it does not, and never will in this philosophy, happen equally to men.
1
Leaving aside your ridiculous idea that there's adequate remedy for sexual assult in the USA... here's the necessary flip side of "when men behave badly, withhold sex": when men behave well, you owe them sex. I don't owe anyone sex in exchange for basic decency and what I demand is for people to stop behaving as if a) I do and b) it's the most important thing I could possibly have to offer.
1
Why are women expected to fix racism? For the same reason people criticize President Obama for not “bringing people together” as if he is supposed to stop the racist reactions to him. The wrongdoers see nothing wrong with their behavior and get upset when people are offended by their disrespect...
19
Generally in life we all go after what we want. Ms. West’s plan for men cracking the glass ceiling is useless — it’s not them who are unhappy with the status quo.
Is Ms. West sure that women didn’t have a hand, though, in at least a little of the sexism out there, too? I don’t know any women who wanted to be construction workers — I’m frankly happy that you can pay men can do that stuff. And some (only some, mind you) women were perfectly happy to flirt their way into jobs, or trade sexual favours for promotions.
The real solution that I think will work is for people not to have sex outside serious, loving and long term relationships. Make that the standard and so much suffering in this world we be alleviated. I raise both my son and my daughter to this standard.
Sexism and sexual harassment overlap but they are not the same. Sexism is not necessarily pernicious. I believe in innate sex differences. I don’t fight for the salaries the same way I see my husband doing that; I’m not willing to work sixty hours a week either. I see a lot of couples like this — that’s an alternate explanation for the wage gap, right there.
8
"...women were perfectly happy to flirt their way into jobs, or trade sexual favours for promotions."
Lots of us are willing to work 60 hours a week - or 80. What you are forgetting, or more likely willfully ignoring, is that the glass ceiling often leaves no chance for advancement through normal means. If you work just as hard and just as many hours and are just as expert, but still get consistently passed over when it comes time for that promotion, maybe strapping on the knee pads starts looking like the only realistic option.
5
reply to Emily, I can only reply based on my experience, at the companies I worked for, that women were equally valued. But so many women like me left to have kids or weren't interested in the long hours that fewer women ended up making it into upper management -- making it seem discriminatory even though it wasn't. But it's true some of the stories from the US, and from more dynamic industries, seem terrible. I worked for a very boring company, really. But there are places where women are equally valued. I'd advise anyone to search for one of those places and industries before giving away their virtue.
2
I think and hope that Emily was kidding about the knee pads.
Yes, many women have kids or don't want high stress jobs, but there are those that do,and that would probably provide enough people to fill some of those upper management jobs.
However, once you get older than that cute young lady that reminds them of their daughter and therefore they want to help .. it is harder to get support from the predominantly male people already in middle and upper management. Some of them are outright sexist, or believe women shouldn't work like their wives, or think that men are supporting families, or that two good incomes is too much money. Fears of sexual harassment or even rumors or discomfort with women keeps people from mentoring or inviting you out for events that include networking, like happy hours or golf or just sitting down for coffee (Pence). Gossips exist, turning mentors/mentees into something inappropriate or an obvious "flirting to get ahead". Women have no role models and aren't expected to be at the table.
And women often are not supportive to each other. They cling to the exceptional model, or the only one of us will be chosen, or maybe aren't that used to working with other women.
I liked this article. Back a long time ago, there was total quality management and you were supposed to tell your boss when they were wrong. Telling the guys at work they aren't treating you properly .. is difficult too. Men need to try to be helpful or be prepared to be sued.
3
What power and anger and indignation in this article!
But women are going to have to speak up and keep speaking up. Men won't take responsibility for their actions, because they genuinely don't think they're doing anything wrong. And if they don't think they've done anything wrong, what's there to fix?
You're right, we did not install this glass ceiling, but it IS our responsibility to demolish it--and we'd do it for men and women everywhere.
7
Plenty of men try to to the right thing every day, to treat others with respect. They are eager and willing to help make things better, but you and others make that harder by throwing them in with the Weinstein types.
Well played. Perhaps nowhere is this attitude of not knowing how to help more galling than among venture capitalists who fund tech startups. Start with all that money you're sitting on boys!
33
Just to let you know, not even men are paid the same wages in the film industry, an industry that isn't an office where everyone there is paid around the same. Robert Downey Jr. is pain millions more than Chris Hemsworth or Chris Evans in the marvel movie franchise, and Scarlet Johansson is paid more than both Chris's.
You play roles in the industry or you make the industry, a place that requires you to prove yourself in the job that you do. If you can't prove yourself, then you can whine, and nobody listens to a bunch of whining children.
One last thing, if you want construction jobs than you better work on your physical shape, they're one of the hardest jobs out there, and physically, men are better suited for it. Not that a woman can't do it.
18
It's your fight so you have to lead. We can help but, unless you have clear goals and reach out to us to help and ask us to help in specific ways we won't be able to contribute. It's the same situation whites face when trying to help with African American interests. We need help from everyone but it's our job to start and lead those efforts, not someone else's.
3
No one asked men to lead. And it's not hard to find AA causes to support. Or women's rights organizations and movements. Show up at marches, volunteer at events, canvass for women candidates. Donate your money, your time. Speak up. What more information do you need to support the movement?
2
First, let me say as a 77-year old man that many of us have also been victimized by powerful, predatory men. As young assistant professor at Duke University, a powerful senior professor tried to seduce my wife and had me fired for being in the way. Decades later, I was again fired when another powerful senior professor retaliated when I had his graduate student, who'd confessed to violating the unversity's dating policy by pressuring an undergraduate woman to date him or he would, and did, lower her grade, banned from teaching. So, we're talking about men who not only use their power to sexually assault women, but also to threaten them and any others with loss of their jobs if they protest. Second, I'm still mystified why a majority of white women voted for two credibly accused sexual predators--Donald Trump in 2016 and Roy Moore last month. Women have to stand up as well, especially to our white, male dominated political patriarchy which has actively worked to enslave women's bodies on hot-button issues like abortion and access to reproductive health care. So, I am now, as I have been, a male who's all-in with#MeToo or perhaps it should be #YouToo. We all--men and women--have more work to do to end the patriarchy and the destructive power it has and continues to inflict on our physical and psychological well-being.
632
Likewise though when I reflect on the past (I am 81) I recall times when one woman was able to entirely dominate what should have been a democratic process. Most of my bosses have been women whether in journalism or the UN -- two places where I worked. I think ultimately we are all meant unify in every way and I much appreciate the emergence of those unafraid to proclaim aspects of what that may mean.
1
This white woman has never voted for Trump and I would also never live in Alabama.
3
I'm mystified as well. Great post. Cannot understand why so many women voted for those two. Ugh. Particularly when they were (and are) awful human beings and also favored policies that victimized women. Double whammy.
2
Human beings work on incentives. There is no incentive for men to do what you ask.
7
Sure there is. The incentive is a better ad agency (or school or hedge fund or what have you), because the equal talents of those who've been marginalized will improve everything about it. Every society that keeps women down suffers for it. It's just a matter of degrees.
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In my world human beings work on the basis of morality, decency, and the rule of law. It all depends on the world you want to create.
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Volumes of history point to people joining together for a better future for their countries and societies.
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Every man can start at home, where he can start doing housework instead of "helping" with the housework. He can step up to an equal role in parenting, instead of being there "when he can spare time from work." He can do these things assuming his efforts will be taken for granted, and no one will notice or thank him. He can spend time listening and empathizing, he can try to make relationships work smoothly, and spend time and effort to make everybody happy.
All this time and effort is bound to impact on his professional life. so he will need to figure out a way to "have it all", meaning he will need to work harder all the time to keep up with his colleagues. Since he's responsible for keeping his personal relationships on track, he'll need to "make time for himself" and be gracious when his partner assumes that means making time for him to nurture her. Because of course that's what he wants to do with his personal time, isn't it? And he'll need to "take care of himself" so he can do all this and still feel good about himself. If it turns out to be hard to accomplish all this, he'll need to work on being more organized, and build "balance" into his life so he won't be too stressed.
Welcome to equality, fellows!
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He'll also need to spend a lot of time exercising and stay away from sweets (or stop eating while still hungry) - not "let himself go," you know
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I always wondered why it was called 'babysitting' when the men take care of their own children. A woman would rarely if ever refer to taking care of her children as 'babysitting'.
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Is that all ? I'm happy with the role I play at home, in a two career household in academia and I'm proud. I don't get credit. I get pity from my wife's mom that she doesn't do more to "help me".
You want to know why it's women's work ? Easy. Because many millions of women voted for people like Donald Trump and Roy Moore. If you're going to go boys vs girls on this issue, go clean up your own house first. You don't get to use this tone - you've got millions of women validating the worst of male behavior in the grandest possible way.
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While yes, I agree that this is not all women's responsibility to fix. I also recognize is that if women sit around waiting for men to fix it, we'll be waiting a long time. As we already have. Men can and should do more. But women and minorities need to realize power cedes nothing without a demand. We need to keep demanding. And keep demanding. Yes, it's exhausting.
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"all I’ve heard tonight are a bunch of things women can do to fight sexism. Why is that our job? We didn’t build this system. This audience should be full of men."
It's precisely BECAUSE "you" didn't build the system that it's incumbent on you to make the changes you want to see. It works just fine for the people that DID build it. Why would you expect THEM to change it to suit you?
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I expect them to make changes because they are decent and willing to acknowledge/address the abuses of power. If our fathers/brothers/uncles/husbands don't help us to figure this out, we are truly left on our own.
I am over 50, worked for the United Steel workers as a young woman and currently work for a software engineering firm. I grew up with five brothers and a wonderful father. I'm not asking them to change to suit me. I know better. I'm asking them to help me make the world a better place.
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My question would be: would men let others, specifically women, rebuild "the system"? Or could men and women rebuild it together? This implies a certain degree of letting go of the power that is inherently ascribed to builder.
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Because maybe it's time to demand that all people try taking a new attitude and make the world a better place to live for everybody? Why not? Selflessness used to be a virtue.
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Maybe a little perspective is in order.
I won't check all my data, but I believe that in medical and law schools, more women than men are now graduating.
The percentages of woman who are a family's major income producer is also increasing dramatically.
As far as Hollywood, I would just bet that the hourly pay for Meryl Streep's on Camera time is higher than 99% of her male colleagues with equal experience.
And sure, women hold much fewer jobs in construction and also firefighting. These are two occupations that require physical strength, something that males really do have more than women.
Maybe it's because I remember the 1940s, but the transformation of gender roles over a single lifetime has been spectacular in this county.
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I'm not quite sure what I should take from that - how lucky we are? We should be grateful for what we have?
Are men grateful that hey, in some jobs, there are more of them than there are women, or that very exceptional men can earn more than anyone else in their industry? Or is it only women who are expected to take perspective from such things? I'm not understanding your point I'm afraid. It seems to be redolent of 'look how things are better' whereas I compare the differences between men and women and say 'look how far we still have to go, yet people are telling me it's all ok.'
I don't know a woman who cannot remember being sexually assaulted or harassed at some point in her life. Please don't try to say 'look how far you've come'.
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So, women should be grateful for what we have?
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I don't think I would call this "perspective."
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Why is fixing sexism women's work, Ms. West asks.
Because women - over one-half the world's population - have allowed themselves to be oppressed and suppressed for too long, Ms. West.
No one else is going to take the initiative to change the male power-over models we live under.
Women tend to work in power-with models and when women take one-half the power in the world we will have balance and hope for a relatively peaceful planet.
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How about our country is a white male system? Things change when men of power who are white change it? I never heard people say it was blacks who had to fix slavery.
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"Why is fixing sexism women’s work?" It isn't. It's that simple.
Just like fixing centuries of racism isn't the work of people who are not white.
Fixing sexism is the right and proper work of all of us, especially those of us who have benefitted from the inequity.
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No, our work is to do our jobs. If you hold a political point of view, you can express it in your free time. Our only job is to do our jobs, unfortunately colleges are teaching our intelligent youth that they have more important jobs to do than their jobs. Articles of this nature are sad, and explain why the US is getting dumber. But keep fighting the sideshow fights. MeToo has proven to me that women throughout this country have more rights than men. If you want to fight for women's rights, go to Iran or Saudi Arabia. Lol.
You're right, in theory, about where this responsibility might lie. But it's also true that a task will often be accomplished most efficiently and with greatest dispatch by the ones who care most about the outcome. Thus, fixing this particular problem could well be women's work, at least primarily, but anyone who wants to be part of the solution should be welcomed.
This one is easy. Men don't join "the movement" because men aren't invited. Men's opinions are ignored. For example, if a man challenged your assertion that it's "men sculpting women’s insecurities," a typical response might be to shut up and just listen. On the other hand, I have seen men do many things to help women get ahead on both personal and systemic levels.
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Given the fact that one of the problems is the tendency of men to do things that they are expressly not invited to do, it doesn't seem like that usually stops them. When it is to their advantage, they happily do things they've not been given permission to do--they hardly have scruples about inserting themselves where they want when they feel like it. So why are they now afraid to do this thing just because they "aren't invited?" That makes little sense.
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Why do men need to be invited? Why is it "if I can't give my opinion, I'm not going to bother to help?"
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This article IS your invitation, Nick. Read it again. Open your mind and, yes, listen. Drop your defenisive posture and listen. Be quiet for a while and listen. Stop coming up with reasons not to join the movement and listen. Pease, listen. Think. Don't react. Replace anger with an open mind. Keep listening. Eventually you'll learn something about what it is to be the person who listens.
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Sexism is not a "male" invention. As R. Dawkins notes: Exploitation of females begins with the fact that they carry only a few, large and nutritious (expensive) eggs while males have an unlimited number of inexpensive and easily replaced sperm cells. The remainder of our sexual dimorphism flows from that simple fact. Not a description of what should be. But a description of what is. In a word, "Reality."
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Christopher, please explain how eggs and sperms are related to the ability to be a college professor, a film director, or a United States Senator.
And, if you want to speak biologically: most domination of females by males, at least among humans, is based on the fact that the average man is bigger and physically stronger than the average woman - and thinks he's entitled to what he wants because of it.
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Howard is scientifically correct. Dawkins says something, but without a clear explanation in detail of how the claimed cause results in the claimed effect, there is no force to it.
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I honestly don't get it...my "few" eggs are valuable...therefore there's more to lose if I am lost. Men's "eggs" are a dime a dozen...one man could stand in for a dozen others. How does that relate in the slightest to SOCIETAL inequality?
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Indeed. And how about all male academics revealing their salaries so women can know the exact dollar amounts of wage discrimination and then all of the above fight for and insist on pay equity?
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In California, the salaries of all government workers, including professors and administrators at the CSU and UC University, are available on the State Government website.
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Salaries of State University of New York professors are public information.
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That will happen right around the time white women reveal their salaries so that black women can have pay equity with them. I just don't think that expecting people to act outside of their self-interest is going to work.
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The argument that women have nothing to do with sexism is patently false. Women are equally likely to lash out against women on social media. Petty concerns about appearance are more common by women towards women. Even voting patterns demonstrate women have a bias against other women.
Meanwhile, when women dominate a profession (such as nursing) there’s hardly a peep about gender imbalance. They just say men aren’t interested. Well that’s the same argument for lower percentages of women in computer science and finance. But with the latter, we’re told that’s due to sexism.
We’re also told that women make better mothers, give them favorable treatment in child custody hearings, and award them lifetime alimony as if they can never work a day in their life post marriage.
Men didn’t build this society alone and women are hardly blameless for perceived imbalances.
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Steve says, "Meanwhile, when women dominate a profession (such as nursing) there’s hardly a peep about gender imbalance. They just say men aren’t interested. Well that’s the same argument for lower percentages of women in computer science and finance. But with the latter, we’re told that’s due to sexism."
This is made-up nonsense based on your assumptions? Because the gender-balance of nursing is shifting -- more men are becoming nurses, and that reflects the increased pay nurses receive. But as importantly, male nurses are also paid more than female nurses. Go figure. Source: https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jama/fullarticle/2208795
Perceived imbalances that don't reflect actual imbalances aren't very helpful; if you want to help, perhaps you could better inform yourself about the actual imbalances between men and women in the workforce before spouting off based on your faulty perceptions.
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When men enter traditionally female fields in any numbers, they take over that field. Elementary school principals in th 1950s is one example. Nurses have clamored that more men entering nursing would earn us more respect but all it does is elevate the men (often less qualified except for a body part) and they get paid more for doing the same job.
It's an American cultural flaw. Maybe we can emulate Iceland.
A retired RN
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First, you are focusing mainly on interpersonal bias here--but abolishing structural sexism is where we should focus, because that would change lives more broadly and meaningfully. A nasty comment from another woman on social media is not fun, but it's nowhere near as serious as workplace discrimination or harassment from supervisors or those in more powerful/senior roles.
Also a bit of fact checking: Alimony is increasingly rare when able-bodied adults are concerned. Child custody/support arrangements are more often dependent on best interests of the child, rather than gender of the parent; reflexive preference going to the mother is diminishing. Also, for traditionally female jobs like nursing and teaching, there is a lot of "peeping" about lower wages for these jobs, but I've never seen anyone try to exclude men from these jobs--male teachers and nurses are welcome; come one, come all nurturing men to these roles. I have seen initiatives to invite men into these jobs. Last, women do make better mothers. Men can be wonderful parents, but women pretty much have motherhood sewn up.
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It is not just Women's work - but when we tell you about some simple solutions, you tend to ignore us:
You want income equality?
Get a technical degree, work full time, take new challenging uncomfortable promotions, be prepared to move to pursue a promotion, ask for a promotion, ask for a raise [and be prepared to walk if you don't get it].
"Only 2.6 percent of construction workers are female. We did not install this glass ceiling..."
A glass ceiling in the lowest barrier-to-entry occupation?
My suggestion is that most women have no interest in working construction... starting from the high school entry level summer job of the type I took.
This is exactly why we occasionally roll our eyes.
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You don't think we haven't already considered those (or tried them) and had them fail? Just because they work for you - a man - doesn't mean they work for us. That's what part of the system is... But hey, ignore our perspective while you keep on telling us to do things that's ineffective.
( A scientific degree holder who has worked on construction sites as part of her job).
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I know several women who have worked in construction. They all loved the job itself, but left quickly because the environment was so hostile to them as women. This is just one example of a perspective by women that is different than your assumptions, and that you apparently have no interest in hearing.
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I'm reminded of the guy who commented to someone that 'you look nice today', and was immediately reported for sexual harassment. It's pretty difficult to know what to do when nobody really knows what the rules are supposed to be.
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The writer should be reminded that sex differences are seen differently by the sexes, so what women may perceive as "microaggressions" are clearly not perceived by men. It may be that it will take both men and women to fix it, but to be frank, we don't always know what the reaction of women is or will be.
Oh, as an aside... re construction workers, maybe 2.6% is far to low, but at a man who was built like a professional boxer in my prime, and had not problem lifting 125 lbs off the ground, I don't see that we will ever have a lot of women in construction. It is hard work, and dangerous, I'd fight my battles over other matters.
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I get it! The systemic neglect and abuse of women is not created by women. However, speaking as a man who supports the women I love and admire, I'd like to offer an idea. Men are goal oriented, and have not been in the trenches seeing every aspect of the systemic neglect, abuse. We do not, and cannot have the same broad knowledge of where and what is happening in all it's forms.
I, and many of my male colleagues and friends, would love to do some of the heavy lifting. However we would be grateful on assistance as to where we can start and where we can best put our energies. We are not famous, we can't make a difference that way, but are ready and willing to start stepping up. A call to step up is great, but we could really use some guidance on where we can start. Thank You!
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Dude, she lists a bunch of ideas in the article. How about donating to the legal defense fund?
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I hear you. I can relate in that I am a white person who cares deeply about combatting racial inequality, but I'm not always sure where my place is and what I can/should do. Here are a couple of suggestions based on my own struggles with social change issues:
1) As you correctly point out you do not understand the landscape the way women do, just as I do not know what it is like to be black in America. If you think you need more information, do your own research. Read books, watch documentaries, take a class. Don't depend on women to educate you.
2) Listen carefully and speak up. I'm certain that you have witnessed or overheard sexism or even sexual misconduct. Maybe you didn't realize what you were seeing, so educate yourself on microaggressions and other forms of sexism, believe women when they describe their experiences to you, and as a rule always speak up. Not to "defend women" but to lead by example for other men. Men have been hearing about this from women for decades. Maybe it will change if they start hearing from other men as well.
3) Start a professional or personal education and awareness group for both men and women who want to combat sexism and sexual aggression. Lead, but again, lead men. Women don't need to be told what is happening or how to fix it, nor can/should we be solely responsible for policing this behavior. We need male leaders to step up and lead other men in changing the culture of toxic masculinity.
Just some ideas. Thank you for asking.
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Thank you for your recommendations. Appreciate guidance.
You go girl. I appreciate you being shrill, loud, and resoundingly articulate.
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Yes, and ineffective.
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Because people, sadly, don't give up power willingly.
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exactly.
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No, power usually has to be wrested from the powerful. Perhaps we should have a day without women like they did in Iceland, the most equal culture.
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Because it's a useful ideology to think everything is about power, rather than infinite minute choices people make on a moment by moment basis? I prefer the latter philosophy to the one suggested above.
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Women aren't the only ones to fight against sexism; but they are the vast majority. Jews aren't the only ones to fight against antisemitism; but they are the vast majority. Racial minorities aren't the only ones to fight against racism; but they are the vast majority. Gay people aren't the only ones to fight against discrimination based on sexual orientation; but they are the vast majority.
You get the idea.
But in every generation there have been heroes willing to sacrifice, and put their lives on the line for the rights of others. John Brown, Andrew Goodman, Michael Schwermer to name a few, and numerous others who didn't make the ultimate sacrifice.
I am humbled by their selflessness. I don't think that women can avoid having to carry the burden of building a more sexually equitable society--not if they want to get it done--but we should all be motivated by the selfless heroes that have gone before us.
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What a beautiful comment. This is exactly right.
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Good article, and well written. It's tough when people see other people as objects. It seems good to culture people to see beyond the surface--not just bodies and gender--but all labels (nationality, religion, politics, musical taste!).
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