What Makes Someone a ‘Predator’?

Dean's experience with a Powerful Literary Man mirrors one I had with a Very Famous Author when I worked as an editorial assistant at a well-known literary magazine in New York. I was in my early 20s. The entire staff and many of the magazine's contributors were invited to a party to celebrate something at the publisher's townhouse. I was talking to a few people when someone grabbed my butt. I assumed it had to be an accident and quickly turned. I recognized the Very Famous Author instantly. He was that kind of famous and when he smiled at me I knew it was no accident. I glared at him and walked away. Unlike Dean's Powerful Literary Man, he had no power over my career. The momentary encounter seemed like an amusing incident until recently. Now I know differently.

All humans are Predators, particularly males. This dates back to hunters/gatherers as societies developed. In fact, we are without doubt the most brutal and effective predators in nature as we know it. Stop acting like you can be in denial and can somehow control human DNA.

This is a story that is common in the workplace. It doesn't even take a party, a drink, or an unwanted touch, to ruin your opportunities as a female. Even turning down an invitation for dinner, can ruin your chances for success. Men rarely have to deal with this obstacle in the workplace.

I'd like to read something about the immediate response received by people who have been in this situation. Do they receive support or are there parents, partners or peers who encourage them to deny or forget that this has ever happened? How does this secondary wave of experience help or do further injury to the individual? Short-term, long-term?

The topic of this piece is "predators" and, as significantly aberrant human, mostly male, behavior, it is given short shrift. This kind of sociopath exists in every facet of society. Why are most articles, discussions, and social media postings limiting predation to the workplace ? Predators, those who sexually harass, are neighbors, strangers, family members, friends, those in authority in the community. Women are targets, victims, chattel, etc. for bad men who sexually harass and predate. Oftentimes, for example, women do not get the help they need from cops because the women are not believed, they are dismissed as hysterical or the like, or the cops don't connect the dots to understand a pattern of reporting by the victim that they, the cops, can't "witness" to make the easy case for law enforcement. The list goes on. Right now public discussions, #MeToo, etc. are not inclusive for those who have other kinds of horrific sexual harassment and worse experiences with bad men. Sociopaths are an underrated, under-recognized plague in this country. Media needs to expand the scope of its coverage on life for millions of women in this country to include real-life, on the ground, outside the workforce situations where women are not protected, have no voice or support, and where predation continues BECAUSE IT CAN ...........

Great article about coming to terms with the unimaginable. There will be ripples from this for a long time - with one of the forthcoming rings outing the "enablers" who allowed unseemly and unwanted behavior to continue unexposed. They perpetuate that which they do not call out as obscene, unwanted and disgusting.

I am sorry this happened to you, and that it happens to women on the daily. This act was most definitely predatory. Mr. Literary person allowed himself to: first cross a boundary by getting his hand too close to you (as a complete stranger no less), and then just shattered your personal boundaries by touching you, as if he had a right to you, a complete stranger. This is how I see this type of behavior. What goes through a person's head, thinking that they are allowed to do this, on any level? He just went in for the kill. That is predatory. I agree with all the comments about teaching us girls and women to develop reflexes that protect our boundaries. We women have a problem because our first response is to be agreeable, not make any problems, not a peep, because we doubt our basic rights around men. How else is our behavior explained? I've been in similar situations and kicked myself afterwards. Why are we not able to speak up and say: "NO, what do you think you're doing, back OFF" or remove ourselves abruptly, as our survival instincts would want us to? Any (assertive) person who feels they've been invaded would push the invador off in some way, in public or private. It doesn't need to be violent, but a clear setting of boundaries. Something that says: no, this is absolutely not okay, what do you think you are doing. I wonder how women successfully do this, and still feel safe. Thank you for sharing the details of what went on.

In the world of men and women the male has always been cast as the "predator" be at a bar, a party or whatever. Back in time Sadie Hawkins events were even established to give women the chance to reverse that role. The workplace is really at issue and the abuse of power practiced by some men (and occasionally women too). A social setting is one thing, designed for interaction. The workplace and related environments (sales meetings, conventions etc.) are a different matter entirely. Generally speaking, men are expected "to make the first move" and women may behave fetchingly to attract attention. This is a complex underlying issue, not an excuse for excessive behavior by either excess, but rather a societal reality. And then there is the same sex situation with its own meeting places and encouragement of aggressive behavior. Again, not the workplace or related environments. Predator behavior is ingrained in society and all accusatorial instances need to be viewed through this prism.

It's great that finally we are moving towards exploring the greyer areas. Seems clear that hand up a skirt over the line. But what about if it was hand on leg? With pants on? Flirtation is at some point becomes a physical test of boundaries. Hopefully this conversation educates young men about where the appropriate boundaries are, and makes women feel a lot more comfortable about given clearer signals to these men.

The tension here is between focussing on the author's subjective experience — which was a brief experience that she apparently quickly shrugged-off and did not find particularly notable at the time — versus focussing on own's own subjective interpretation — versus previous versus emerging norms. It's like an arthouse movie in which the same scene plays out from various distinct viewpoints. The lesson in this is that we are a long way off from reaching the sort of coherency and consistent norms that one might find in Sharia law or perhaps Victorian notions of propriety. We have a lot of work to do in elaborating cultural norms that are broadly accepted. Conversation starters such as this piece are as good as any a place to start.

Obviously this man did something inappropriate. He put his hands inside someone's clothes in order to fondle someone who was his inferior and who he indirectly held power over. However, two things can be done to stop this. First, we must train girls that when someone makes uncomfortable overtures, instead of agreeing, smiling, or laughing, you say "no thank you". I don't think the first strike requires someone to make a massive scene, especially considering that in many cases, the person hitting on you may have some power over you, whether real or imagined. I remember being in high school and having a friend's dad hit on me in front of another man. I immediately turned red. When the other man said, "I think you're making her uncomfortable", instead of saying "Yes!", I said "It's okay, don't worry about it. I'm fine." And I continued to see and interact with this man, despite or as a result of how uncomfortable he made me. I was always taught in school that when a predator tries to touch you, you yell no. But that was for situations without nuance and implication, where a guy in a van was stalking you on the playground.We need to educate women about making their discomfort known and demonstrating that not being agreeable is not a crime. We also need to define the rules of flirting. Asking someone once, politely, if they would like to see you romantically, is fine, providing you accept their "no". Badgering, touching, or humiliating women into submission is not.

We have to teach girls to speak up - and not simply smile or giggle - when someone's mistreating them or others. It's literally a survival skill - and also leaves you feeling powerful (vs. ashamed) afterwards. I am not blaming the author at all, but I so wish she could have said - so loudly that it rang through the entire restaurant, "Get your hand off my body."

Oppositional Defiant Disorder e.g., Harvey Weinstein Look It Up! Predators are RAGING out of control. They engage in malicious vindictive behavior NO WIN SELF-DESTRUCTIVE SCENARIO!

We are again talking about the right to privacy in women's rights to govern their own bodies. Nobody gets to invade that privacy.

It occurs to me that one problem with the appellation "predator", is that those who fall under this description (together with those who wish they dared), secretly like the term. It has a kind of alpha animal quality to it...how about instead a word that more accurately describes the essential weakness of the men who feel compelled to resort to such maneuvers?

I'm a tall male and I've had my share of women awkwardly flirting with me and touching me in inappropriate ways. For a very small number of them, I responded positively; the rest I ignored and quickly forgot about. Women have some growing up to do. Grown-ups know that the world does not always revolve around themselves.

Most men were brought up to be unconscious predators amongst themselves, always bragging about the latest conquest, in reality marking that part of their life of true loneliness. Women were brought up to smile, to please daddy, unconsciously sending mixed signals. I blame all the churches in America for not watching out for its flock. In some cases moving predators from parish to parish. Always using shame as the language that we all wear around the water cooler. Harvey Weinstein represents many of us men, yes I too can look back 40 years ago where I pushed hard against 'no' to get my way. I signed up two years ago for a program called Women for Women, in doing so I send a check each month to a woman in a Third World country to help her with her startup company. Shame can be relieved a little at a time.

As a former bartender, I can say men often act like "a leopard in a flock of gazelles, looking around, evaluating the women as prospects." I saw a lot it - the "man out looking to score" archetype. I can also say women are guilty of doing this too. In my opinion, that isn't necessarily predatory. Objectification is pretty normal for both genders. For me, the predatory behavior comes with understanding that you are being made uncomfortable, and the predator does not care. These are the people that follow you to your car. They continue when you ask them to stop. They continue to text you after you ask them to cease contact. They move to sit next to you, even after you have switched seats to move away from them. Miscommunication (particularly around flirting) happens. It's when the boundaries are set but ignored or retaliated against that things become predatory.

That's an interesting question. To what extent does being methodical in your romantic habbits make you more predatory? Think of rational sales techniques like pre-planning, systematic prioritization of prospects, a scripted approach with pre considered variations to match different categories of prospects, language structured to frame and direct conversation, etc. Is that inherently predatory? Does it depend on your goals? If a man pursues casual consensual sex like a goal oriented sales person, is it creepier than if he wants true love? Is it about the creepiness of the goal or the fact that it's a goal that lends itself to repetition? Is spontaneous/accidental love less creepy because it's organic, or more creepy because it's unexpected? The knee jerk reaction is that it's just gross to be impersonal and goal oriented. But anyone who has been single probably has some memory of wasting someone's time and attention unintentionally only to alter your behavior afterward. Maybe you thought a date sounded fun but you thought a second date was an unlikely outcome. After making that decision a few times and usually getting the expected result, you may realize that you are getting people to invest in something you don't have much faith in. Smarmy sales person. So you alter your habbits and rule those dates out on principle. Applying impersonal methods to get stuff we want from people is kind of normal. Doing so without regard for other's well being shouldn't be.

YES! The definition of privilege is not having to "see things" the way those without privilege do. The final sentence of this piece is one of the clearest expressions of that thought I've read.

The author was in a social setting in which sexual advances are frequently made. When one was made and she was unreceptive, he did not persist. Hardly a "predator."

The author's point is that all men's sexual behavior can be construed as predatory, even as she seems to be providing a more nuanced analysis. It's the typical postmodern mise en abyme, a recursive strategy used to camouflage motive, in this case boilerplate feminist misandry. But there are some fascinating literary tropes and moves here, including "this moment" (an undefined temporal unit in which the author hopes for a duration she knows will not be long, usually preceded by "fleeting"); "memory asserts itself" (i.e., fiction narrated as fact); "without invitation" (except for the preceding paragraph in which the author admits she was gold-digging for professional capital, looking for the rub). It is very important to hear women's stories, not so much for the content, which is mundane, so much as to see how their logic differs from that of men, to see how easily these tropes are accepted as easily digestible among "emancipated" women but not among most men.

What if the he was a she ?

Predator doesn't begin to describe these creepy and deranged individuals and thankfully women now feel empowered to expose these sickos for who they are.