STORIES THAT MAKE MOST BLUSH
Exposed in sexual harassment-caused exposés,
with stories making most who read them blush like rosés,
male perpetrators aren't the only ones who ought to hide
their heads in shame. These stories have another side.
The victims were not all as innocent as they now claim,
many of them predatorically prepared to gamed
the systems in which they were hoping achieve success.
About such motives they are most reluctant to confess.
Offered something like cigars, those who refused
and their enablers, women like them, never once accused
the predators of gross misconduct., focused on the fear
that such complaints would ruin their most brilliant career.
Don't tell me that no lawyers would have helped these ladies sue
the predators, the sort of thing that lawyers love to do.
They wanted no cigars, but all hoped for a carrot,
and they should blush now, not like rosés, but a claret.
[email protected]
2
"Often, a victim or someone else did summon the courage to come forward, only to have the institution do little or nothing." Or worse, like get persecuted and ostracized for "telling" and eventually fired for some ridiculous excuse (or worse, blatant lies) or quitting out of frustration. That's why we women don't say anything - it never makes a difference and at worst, the victim gets -re-victimized by the same system that "encouraged" reporting it. We have a lot of "me too"s in this country specifically because of white male privilege and them getting away with it for millennia. Hell, we had almost 63 MILLION Americans vote for a sexual predator (among many other vile things) despite the blatant facts put out there by the media. If companies and corporations are truly serious about sexual harassment, then they need to start firing men who perpetrate it, no "pass go and collect $200." Fire them.
8
While it’s true the the Weinsteins and Cosbys and lesser others are vile and predatory let’s not forget the women can also be liars, manipulators and guilty of demeaning behaviors that can be as violating, destructive and harmful.
2
We're talking about workplace-related, school-based, or similarly situated abuse in a non-private sphere. We should also note that some of this abuse may not necessarily be limited to sexual or sexually suggestive abuse. I had a boss who caused severe distress if not trauma to a young assistant with a constant blatantly psychologically destructive speech throughout the work day; all cloaked and delivered as mild-manner commentary. The young woman finally left the job, after suffering a nervous breakdown. This man was well known within the organization for his abusive behavior, towards underlings of both sexes, with racist, sexist or otherwise cruel comments (much too similar to #45.) He preyed on those weaker than himself and relished it that he had power to make others feel diminished. But he was well protected by his (female) boss, who liked it that he sucked up to her with great obsequiousness.
As far as I know, he stopped short of full physical abuse. Though he did once pinch my cheek and told me I was "cute," to which I jabbed my forefinger in his face and said: "don't you ever, ever dare do that again!" His response, with a chuckle, was: " What? are you one of those women's libbers?" This was in the year 2001.
3
Sadly,This Op-Ed is so right and at the same time, so wrong.The reality is that ,current indignation aside, most Americans don't think the "typical" case of what is thought to constitute inappropriate behavior is a big deal.While everyone can agree that rape and assault are never OK, detail, context and certainty were much more nebulous in the majority of cases "everyone knew" about.Under such circumstances, leave well alone is not an unreasonable default.
3
Maybe our society has made it so difficult to report sexual abuse against another person that they are afraid to do it. The abusers are bullies and regard themselves too powerful to touch. I'm not sure law enforcement takes it seriously enough. Although recently I believe they are becoming more aware and willing to take action. Many times it's she said he said. In the workplace these bullies hold your job over you. There are also unfair or untrue accusations. If it's a parent there are signs to look for and teachers and counselors need to be aware and have someone to report it to for investigation. Too often the person being reported to is incompetent or too afraid to investigate. Look how long it took the Catholic Church to stop it.
2
i live and work in an area where where outside of the immediate family men and women are almost never alone together. While uncommon abuse does happen, mostly within family and at schools where kids are vulnerable. When it does it is too often covered up. The climate is changing slowly.Where men and women are alone together it seems to me a greater struggle.It's possible to change the culture but seems to me both the will and fear of punishment need to be real
1
It is always interesting how President Trump gets thrown into the mix of these types of stories - but not Ted Kennedy or Bill Clinton or LBJ or Jack Kennedy or Anthony Weiner.
Amnesia?
7
I don't think this kind of self-flagellation by nonoffenders adds anything to the discussion except maybe providing a warm and fuzzy feeling to the writer.
5
Inaction? No. So far, what men are learning is that the thing to do is to not involve women in their business. If they have absolutely no involvement with women outside of their family, there can never be a problem...or so they want to believe. Many men follow Pence on this. It seems like the current goal of the modern man is to destroy women and make sure that they understand that all they are is an incubator for the next generation. It is NOT nice to know that this is the way that men are learning to view their mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters. These same people want to bring back slavery. Of course, they're not intending to be the slaves.
Look in the mirror: would you want to be treated the way you are recommending that women be treated?
I recall intervening in a situation involving my fiance at the time being severely harassed and assaulted by a father and son while employed at their gourmet food market. She was 17 at the time. It was known to all women at the market that the two and other men working there behaved in this manner. When I heard of the situation from her, I met with the owners son who did not deny or acknowledge what was happening at their establishment. I suggested to the owner my fiance report this to the police. The behavior ceased but, she ultimately had to quite the job due to the backlash. This type of behavior has been going on in our culture for a long time. Hopefully, the current disclosures and consequences will continue.
3
Like most of the other reactions to the Harvey Weinstein scandal, Mr. Leonhardt's outrage is justified. Like many reactions -some more hysterical than others - it is unspecific on how school, workplace, etc., sexism can be realistically deterred and enforced. Note the tidal wave of accusations, reports in the last few weeks. Envision the mind numbing legislative, bureaucratic an corporate processes that will ensue over the next few years. Then read Kurt Vonnegut's short story, "Welcome to the Monkey House". Sexism is rooted in our nature - like it or not. Let's remain sane while we go about determining what we can an cannot do to combat such. Maybe anger isn't such a good idea, David.
3
In 1991, a whole generation watched a brave young woman testify on live television in front of the entire country about being sexually harassed by her former boss and we saw her attacked and discredited (though she had nothing to gain from her testimony) while he was elevated to the highest court in the land. Our collective silence was evidence of a lesson well learned. Hopefully the times are truly changing.
12
Thank you for mentioning and reminding us about Donald Trump. Netflix as suspended Kevin Spacey from House of Cards. Harvey Weinstein has been cast out from the film industry. And what's happening to Donald Trump?
I had a high school English teacher whom everyone whispered about. He often gave certain male students extra attention, and would frequently put his hand on their shoulders for longer than necessary. I was concerned when he asked me to his office for a private meeting, but I went anyway because he was a really good teacher and I appreciated the attention.
And guess what? Nothing happened. He never touched me, and spent the whole time giving me helpful advice about coping with school and emotional problems. But of course everyone knew that there was something "off" about him. He was obviously gay, when that was considered a sin and a crime at worst and a disease at best. And thank goodness, everyone maintained "a conspiracy of inaction", because he was a decent man and one of the best teachers I ever had.
4
While this sort of thing is rampant at private, especially boarding, schools, it is rare in public schools. The reason is that the private schools encourage (it is part of their mission) close personal relationships between students and teachers. The wrong sort of teacher finds it easy to turn this into molestation, and it is hidden by the ostensibly proper relationship (spending extensive time together, often without others present).
In public schools the relationship is much more distant (students and teachers never see each other outside the classroom), so any improper relationship would immediately be apparent.
4
I have lived in Hollywood since 1954 and it was prevalent then, but not only in the Entertainment establishment, but in many businesses, in education and the everyday life of many women.
And those very intuitions need to point out exactly what constitutes sexual harassment and assault because, very simply. some women--I'm talking about myself--are naive. We think of sexual crimes happening to other people. Surely what my friend's father did wasn't inappropriate. He was a father, right? What my doctor did during a very late hospital visit wasn't assault, right? He was my doctor. We need this spelled out, not because we are stupid but because we are trusting and because we have all our lives been told that it was our fault or we misconstrued this, that professors don't harass. What did we do to bring this on? As little girls, we were taught to be passive, to please others, not to rock the boat. It's time to face the fact this hasn't worked and that we should speak out or, at least, tell others what happened. Silence is not right. Silence makes us feel even more used. Institutions and families must speak about this to educate and affirm us. We are not meat. We are not toys to be used for gratification. Our bodies are ours.
How to cure sexual abuse, sexual harassment in society?
Start with some basic facts about society. Everywhere, in every time and place, this formula can be observed: The more close knit the group in thought the more control of the body exists, which is to say closed minded thinking goes hand in hand with sexual control over the body.
Take all group organizations such as the strongly religious over human history, or the strongly racial, or the far right or far left or military organizations. The tighter the group the more thought is alike, the more sex is insular and the more power has its way with lesser members of the group. Essentially the tighter the group the more meddling fingers are likely to be on both your body and your mind.
Therefore the cure is to disrupt group cohesion, to take possession of your body and your mind. Also the tighter the group the more secrecy is involved, the more conspiracy, the more preoccupation with material wants, vulgarity, warfare, bloodshed, superstition. The correlations are so clear as to be cause and effect.
And notice the fate so often of those who break group unity, dissenters, the rebellious, the highly intelligent, the wayward spirits: Incredible effort is made to handle the bodies and minds of such people, to punish them hands on, to correct, fix their minds, subject them to retraining, psychology/psychiatry, religious intervention and the like.
War against sexual abuse truly is also war against abuse of the human mind.
1
The incredibly swift and severe actions taken against many of these people who have been "accused" of wrongdoing has shaken me to my core. And this piece goes to part of why that is: reporting "suspicions" of abusive behavior can apparently land someone fired, completely unemployable, destroy them and their family. Just like that?
My hope is, and it seems borne out in many of these situations, that the evidence is overwhelming and the employers know about all this before firing these people. However imagine being a teacher in a high school and a group of students deciding to ruin your life for whatever reason . . .
How can one prove one's innocence in these situations? Obviously many things are just guilty on their face like pushing people into hotel rooms. But now we have loud cases of thigh touching or brushing against someone or, certainly very possible, misread signals.
I thought this was a country where we had agreed as a people to err on the side of innocence in our justice system -- you know preponderance of evidence, etc. and I also thought American citizens were all due their day in court.
The internet has turned this whole country into gangs of marauding volunteer enforcers going after one target after another online.
It makes me shiver. When deciding on a career now, be sure to consider that if you are a man and you work with children or women someone might "suspect" like Leonhardt says and they *should* turn you in whether they know anything or not.
8
Perhaps public television which has curiously removed women as any expert talking head in the vast number of documentary series usually produced, written, directed by and featuring white men - might revisit developing public affairs series - such as the "Women Alive" program, briefly popular in the 70's. Or "Sixty Minutes" promote more than one female journalist every other week on air to begin an examination of silence as a form of social control in mainstream media today. Curious.
2
A number of my Southern acquaintances are mixed-race middle-aged people who were raised by aunts or grandmothers as their mothers were too tramatized or too young to raise them. They are the black children of the elite Sons of the Confederacy.
Up to the 1980's, many elite Southern Anglo men who owned the timber plantations, manufacturing and steel plants had mixed-race children. There was a saying about this: " The mighty whites could amalgamate the races any time they wished."
The black women and girls they used did not have a choice in the matter. If they refused or "snitched" about the abuse, just one call or word from their abuser to the local police chief would mean terror, death or a prison farm for them and their family.
For the sake of their other children and their black husband's safety, black women had to endure sometimes decades of abuse by the same locally powerful AngloSaxon man.
1
Sexual abuse is an adult failure; failure on the abuser's part and very much on the adults who hold themselves out as "good people" yet send strong messages to kids that they do not want to know the truth, especially if that forces them to act. As someone who works with such children, the very worst adult attitude is "its too depressing." End of story.
3
Ideally, of course, a victim of abuse or harassment would report a perpetrator immediately to be criminally prosecuted so that the perpetrator could no longer victimize. No delays, no financial settlements or quiet money.
But we see how powerless some people feel and are and how sometimes it doesn't seem worth it, especially if you think you are the only one. But usually you are not the only one.
How might we deal with this dilemma. Perhaps if there were a place to go to report abuse/harassment, to see if others have reported the same person, the same issue. Perhaps there is strength in numbers and hopefully, the numbers don't have to be too numerous for victims to feel emboldened and for those who can act to stop this scourge to do so.
1
On the other hand, it's not illegal to act "creepy" or be weird. There's a reason we don't (or aren't supposed to) persecute people based on just being a little socially awkward in their interactions, or giving us a weird vibe, or based on rumors.
If Mr. Leonhardt could go back in time, what specifically would he have done differently? Used the student paper to publish rumors? Is that good journalism?
I share the frustration of many... there were teachers in my school, and even bosses at my workplace, who had rumors swirling about them, and lo and behold, it comes out later that they have a long history of being predators. But I also know at least two people who have had false rumors spread about them, and also one that is just socially awkward (possible autistic) who sometimes makes people feel slightly uncomfortable but is hardly a predator.
I feel like our choice is to go after everyone we have suspicions about, and accept that some innocents will be wrongly accused and persecuted. Or, follow the "innocent until proven guilty" philosophy and accept that some predators will go unchecked. Nice choice.
6
Sexual abuse/harassment does not happen only among the rich, famous, and connected. It happens every day in many, many businesses and government agencies to ordinary women just doing their jobs.
The changes must not affect only those in the public eye, they must also rein in the average every day "joe" who mistreats women.
3
What if he was your favorite teacher, a mentor, an esteemed colleague, your best friend? Would you still feel you had to say something on behalf of the victim, or find a reason not to?
3
"Organizations need “multiple, accessible avenues of complaint,” as a federal task force concluded. ... They should feed into a process that’s confidential and fair, including to the accused."
Today there are virtually no such avenues. Contrary to the expectations of some, an organization's HR department exists solely to protect the organization, not to ensure equity for employees.
A outside venue is necessary where victims can get help. What does that sounds like? A union. Not gonna happen. Same old same old.
2
I certainly agree with your goal of remembering your anger when you see something not right. I think the bigger challenge for us men will be to speak up when we are in a group of friends and a misogynistic joke or comment is made by a guy you like or respect. Let’s see if we can summon a small amount of the bravery we’ve witnessed from so many women.
I was recently on www.townhall.com where contributor John Hawkins writes about this. Then posits eventually: "women lie and ruin men's lives because of perceived abuse".
Many of the subsequent comments went on in agreement of that. Dismissive, if not outright mocking, any facts about how pervasive and threatening anywhere can be for a female of any age.
Hence, it's no wonder there is a conspiracy of inaction. Especially when you get males thinking they are victims of a conspiracy of lies from females about abuse.
I don't consider myself a pessimist, but on this particular topic, it's just hard for me to visualize a "cultural change" (not within the next decade anyway). Why? Because cultural change requires an internalization of certain values first and foremost at the top of an organization and I do not believe such leadership is present.
To say the "culture" of the workplace must change to eliminate sexual abuse and/or harassment is like saying the "culture" of financial institutions must change to prioritize ethics over short term monetary gains/bonuses for execs. "Thou shalt not get caught and thou shalt not admit" are the only commandments to which the most powerful leaders in our country adhere (whether public or private). Other than that, ANYTHING goes.
If power and responsibility are linked, as most people would acknowledge, then our leadership is woefully deficient. Consider this: The single most powerful man in the world, our president, is currently held to the lowest standards of human behavior in terms of his respect for women and every other aspect of his professional, political and private life. Even the most egregious breaches of propriety in his words and deeds are rationalized because... #MAGA, right? #winning! Too many people have stated outright that they just. don't. care. And so it is in the private sector. Those at the top of organizations should be held to the highest standards of accountability... but they are instead the most insulated. #sad
Celebrity and famous men are getting all of the attention, as usual! Let's address the rampant predation of college and high school men. We ignore them. Yes, college athletes get lots of attention, but the focus should certainly be on the young men who are the majority of perpetrators. It is all the more difficult to confront these young men who prey on young women - or men - who are victimes.
Mr. Leonhardt - you ignored your hook - what would YOU have done differently? As a respected journalist, how would you coach young journalists to research and report on these cases? This would be a huge help to the 99% of people at risk.
In a society which embraces the notion the someone is innocent until proven guilty, while at the same time embracing the notion that "nobody likes a snitch", innuendo does make us uncomfortable.
The predator knows this all too well. They tend to prey upon those whom they feel they can intimidate into keeping quiet. In the case of the "rich and powerful", the ability to "pay someone to keep quiet" plays an even larger role.
That said, it is so very important for the victim themselves to speak up. Ultimately, their failure to speak up is tied to their self-esteem (something the predator is counting upon.) The victim believes they are to blame - and often will not even say NO! or STOP!
I'll bet that you DID know some of this teacher's victims. But they were too vulnerable to ever admit it. And you were too vulnerable to recognize it - beyond the innuendo of which you were aware.
Should you feel guilty because you did nothing about the situation (about which you - and everyone else - was aware) when you were an adolescent?
Of course not! All you had to go on was innuendo. Today, as an adult, and as a professional journalist, your obligations are quite different. But your obligation to find the truth before speaking out is also ever-present to avoid falsely accusing someone - and ruining their career!
The root problem is the same - as long as the predator can convince the victim to keep quiet, the abuse will continue.
Our children must be taught to say "stop it"...not just report it later....
2
Why is all of this anger and retribution not resulting in devastating condemnation of our "Dear Leader", Donald Trump? Why are women not pouring out of the woodwork to accuse and testify about what he did to them? We know he was an abuser - he said as much himself. Are all of these people, and the press, afraid to take on the abuser-in chief? Isn't that the problem this article and I don't know how many others are talking about - fear of speaking up, taking on the powerful? This problem goes right to the top. I am sick of watching what is happening to our country. Time to get angry, and do something.
1
Nice article, spoken from the heart and focused on some practical steps that might prevent future such cover-ups as seems to have occurred at Horace Mann.
1
With training at my current employer, I learned that behavior at a prior employer was considered sexual harassment and could of been stopped if I complained. It was behavior of a sexual nature by a female employee with all the male bosses. It made me squirm to watch at meetings and daily office interaction. In a small business, where all the male bosses are enjoying this banter with the female staff member, would I complain now? Not a chance. Good jobs are difficult to come by. What must change is the culture at the management level, that is the only way the workers can report without fear of being taken out in the next lay off.
4
The current focus on sexual abuse/harassment excludes far more pervasive emotional abuse that’s everyday inside and outside the household. When it comes to child abuse and neglect, most often it’s women who are responsible. When it comes to intimate partner abuses, it’s equal between men and women.
So why aren’t women also on the firing line? Because women’s advocates only want to focus on the misdeeds of men. They ask why men don’t do anything about other men, as if women are innocent of any misdeed.
So what happens to boys abused by women in their lives as children? Are they more or less likely to be loving and respectful of women? Until women own up to the broader spectrum of abuse for which they are responsible, we are not going to move the dial on the issue.
2
I grew up in a high demand religious group and attended a religious boarding school in a foreign country. We were physically beaten, hazed and neglected. Worst of all though, some boys were sexually abused by two American men who had been sent there to watch over us in this foreign country.
Once I learned the full story, I was an adult who had already left the group. The more I probed, the more I learned how much of an open secret all of this was! While I personally wasn't one of the victims, of course I want to see them (who still lives freely in the community) brought to justice. But I know I have no legal or ethical right to speak on behalf of another victim if he does not want to come out publicly. And I believe that most of the victims–now grown men with lives, jobs and families–understand the reality of going public. Years of agonizing fights, reputation smearing, relived trauma and the likelihood that no justice would ever come of it.
I am at a loss for any real action or resolution, other than to speak out about my own experiences. I am appalled and disgusted by the cowardice demonstrated by the leaders and elders of this community, who continue to shield abusers only out of concern for their public image.
The discussion often focuses on the gravest attacks: incest, rape, battering. If I do not wish to diminish their horrific impact, they are fortunately not the norm. and to change societal attitudes, we could perhaps start with a very simple survey: each man would ask each woman he knows whether she has ever felt harassed, and, should he really want to understand the magnitude of the problem, how old she was when it started. Would just one woman answer "No"? Doubtful.
So far the reactions of each and every woman I tested this idea on and asked the question to ranges from a slightly annoyed and dismissive "Of course" to a less eloquent but just as significant "Duh!"
This is something men need to recognize but much more importantly must try to understand at the deepest level possible: being a woman implies having to brace yourself for potential physical or verbal abuse every single day. And please, let's not bring attractiveness and/or age into the picture. Either you are good enough for a lay, and should be told so, or you are not good enough for a lay, and should be told so. It is essential that as a woman you know what John Doe thinks of you. Weird when you think of it, isn't it?
Please ask and ponder.
After reading this column and many of the comments, I’ve come to the conclusion that we are in the midst of a behavioral bubble that, in structure, is quite similar to market bubbles. Everyone is hearing stories of predator behavior and in such an atmosphere, past stories of predatory behavior come to mind and are condemned in an exaggerated manner simply because everyone else is doing it. Waves of witchcraft eradication movements sweep through areas of central Africa periodically. We are in the midst of something similar. Possibly it is a response to the strangeness and uncertainty of our times. Hopefully it will dissipate soon without destroying too many lives.
1
Leonhardt writes: “We were aware of the rumors . . . the teacher “suspiciously friendly with female students -- the teacher solicitous of male students”. He closes by stating that “the next time I see something that doesn’t seem quite right, I’m going to remember that anger” and -- he implies -- take action.
Alas, the perfect high school he dreams of – a place where no students are harassed or abused – appears to come at a very high price: teachers who are too friendly or too solicitous must be reported. The thorny-thicket, can-o-worms trouble with this kind of perfection-quest is determining exactly where the line is between being friendly -- and being “suspiciously” friendly. It seems obvious that in Leonhardt’s ideal classrooms, teachers would avoid getting anywhere near that highly subjective line.
Many years ago I taught 6th grade for several years, and I was lucky enough to be suspiciously friendly with my girls and solicitous with my boys without coming under the harsh glare of the “authorities”. It was a great time in my life. I think I would hate teaching in Leonhardt’s abuse-free, perfect school.
2
My public high school had a biology teacher who seemingly could only answer questions with his arm around a female student's shoulder. I was his victim more than once. I knew it made me uncomfortable, yet it never occurred to me to say anything to my parents about it. But my friends and I were acutely aware of his behavior and rumors of worse behavior with some girls abounded.
We've discussed it again as adults. We wonder why no adults seem to have been aware of this, and why it wasn't addressed. We have no answers. We feel lucky that for most of us it was "only" a shoulder.
I wonder what price the girls for whom it was more than a shoulder paid.
One commenter asks who among us has not failed to report such abuse?
Our family pleads “not guilty” as each of us, myself and my spouse have reported abuse - not done directly to us. But to students. My husband was a dept chair and had proof via student evals. I and a colleague heard the info directly from another colleague. In each case we paid for reporting - with our jobs. This was 25-30 years ago.
We knew we were taking risks but felt it was both ethically and legally necessary to report. As even sexual harassment law can indict supervisors for knowingly not reporting. It puts you in a bind when you’re doing wrong if you fail to report and risking a job when you do report.
For couples it’s crucial that both parties understand the risks and have considered all the options together.
Fortunately in our cases the situations did not occur simultaneously. In my case it was easy to just go into private practice full time. So in the end I lost nothing. In my husband’s case it had a markedly negative effect on his career going forward and led to our working in two widely separated cities for 6 or 7 years. (He, in the end, got a financial settlement from the college - but of course with a non-disclosure agreement attached. The men he reported & two administrators eventually also lost jobs - once students came forward - having become outraged that a good professor was fired on their behalf.)
In our experience you’ll never regret doing the right thing!
First and foremost the abused have to come forward and know that there is a safe place for them to tell their story.
Raising men to respect women and not become an assaultive person requires open discussion with young men about topics most parents think too mature and serious. However, those same young men already deal with all those topics with their buddies and on the streets and in the alleys as well as at school.
All men need to speak up when they see harassment or hear men spouting sexist comments. There are classes and meetings and lots of hand-wringing about how women can be protected and what women should do. What is needed is classes and workshops and required instruction for males to learn how to be humane and respectful of women as independent humans. Along with this women need to be empowered in themselves and institutions need to be held accountable for what they allow.
See Something, Say Something - should be taught in our schools ASAP.
1
The truth also is that girls and young women (and older ones too) do act, do try to solicit help. But their action is met with a wall far too thick and too high to penetrate. This happens everywhere, in all levels of society and in our own families of origin. Mothers don't believe daughters, men don't believe women, women don't believe women, girls & women are shut up and shut down. In my opinion, one of the most compelling reasons at work is our collective aversion to the unvarnished truth of how often and how frequently this happens. We are repelled by our own inability to face our disgust and the truth of this unbridled behavior and we don't know how to stop the violations that are occurring and have occurred since the dawn of time. Perhaps we are at a watershed moment. That instead of turning away, we can come face to face with our own involvement. And we are all involved at some level. It will take all involved to create the change we say we desire. I write this as a woman who has been the recipient of sexual abuse, unwelcome sexualization and objectification in all arenas of life. I write this also as a woman who did speak up and out, and whose voice was shushed over and over and over again. Even now, the number of times and ways in which my life has been impacted by this behavior feels too much for me to bear, to unearth it is to relive it, and that also feels like a suffocation of my voice. Who would and could all of us be without these ongoing violations?
See something, say something now means something and has weight. Before this extraordinary historical moment, it has always been the superiority of white men in power -- political and administrative. Now is the time -- we have multiple channels for revelation, a younger generation that generally sees gender equality, including the LGBTQ and people of color communities as equal, and the beginning of a zero tolerance mentality. We know that whistle-blowing has to occur in a responsive environment. This is the moment, I hope.
2
"The Conspiracy of Inaction on Sexual Abuse and Harassment" - Another reminder how really wimpy this democracy has been dealing with bigotry and prejudice and, yes, of course, racism.
1
My previous employer required extensive training regarding sexual harassment. In most cases (when physical force/threat is not involved) there was a requirement for the "victim" to address the situation with the "perpetrator" the first time something happens, before reporting the incident to HR or a superior. This may offend some people, but this makes sense to me. I think there can be a big "grey area" where flirtation or potential romantic interest can be misconstrued. Women (generally speaking, because I know this can go the other way too) need to take some responsibility to at least let the man know that his actions are making her uncomfortable or are unwelcome, before making an accusation of harassment. Many men (in my experience) simply don't get it, and deserve a chance to learn from their mistakes. If they persist in spite of this warning, well, that's another story.
2
I once complained about sexual harassment at work; I was promptly fired without cause.
What you don't realize in the current flurry of complaints recently, is that now it is at a critical mass and in the media eye. People NOW bringing up complaints or stories are protected by "herd immunity".
But 10 or 20 or 30 years ago -- complaining (about yourself) or revealing such goings on at a job -- confronting a powerful male boss -- was a TICKET to the unemployment line.
BTW: my career never really recovered from this firing. The angry parties were not mollified by simply firing me; they also blackballed me from every open job in the industry, for YEARS. I'd apply for jobs, have terrific interviews and even offers....then suddenly, they called my references and things went cold in a hurry. I was a "squealer". I was not "loyal". I was not a "team player".
So please: people back then KNEW there was a terrible price to pay for "telling on the boss".
1
The headmaster in my grade 12th year at my Afrikaans, white state school in Germiston, a town east of Johannesburg, South Africa, made disparaging comments about the - according to him - overweight bodies of us 12th grade girls during an athletics meeting during which the school's athletics team would be chosen. I've long considered that man's remarks sexist and was angered by it, since I was at the time one of those overweight 12th grade girls. I've never considered that man's remarks as abuse before, and now I'm even angrier.
3
how can we even talk about a conspiracy of inaction and allow the highest office in the land to be held by a documented bigot and sexual abuser? harvey weinstein is forced to step down (wonderful and long overdue) while the so-called 'president' continues to lead the country with misogyny and hatred at the top of the to-do list. it's time to take this all the way to the top. as it is said "a fish stinks from the head."
4
In this context this judgement is a breath of fresh air .
Every harassment is NOT sexually motivated. All unwelcome physical contact not sexual harassment, says Delhi HC
A CRRI scientist had contended that any unwelcome physical contact would amount to sexual harassment.
Every unwelcome physical contact cannot be categorised as sexual harassment, the Delhi high court ruled.
The woman alleged the accused barged into a laboratory where she was working, stopped the machine and snatched the samples from her. He then pushed her out of the laboratory and locked it.
Justice Vibhu Bakhru of the high court said “…only a physical contact or advances which are in the nature of an ‘unwelcome sexually determined behaviour’ would amount to sexual harassment”.
The court upheld the decision of his organisation’s complaints committee and disciplinary authority, which cleared him of all charges of sexual harassment.
The committee said evidence show the man held the woman’s arm but that act was an altercation, not a sexually determined behaviour.
It concluded that the man might have held the woman’s arm and thrown the material she was holding in a fit of anger. That amounts to harassment and is deplorable, but would not qualify as sexual harassment.
The disciplinary authority, which was set up subsequently, supported the committee’s report.
The high court judge too agreed that “a physical contact which has no undertone of a sexual nature … may not necessarily amount to sexual harassment”..
i have a female family member who's father abused her as a child. The father and mother are not together. The father has never been confronted, not by the female family member nor her mother. At family gatherings where he takes part, we have to accepts this man knowing what he's done and keep quiet. My female family members's own son had been sexually abused by his father. She and the father are not together. Officially it is recognized that this man can not live with his son but nonetheless the system here in Denmark protects this man, not the child. This man has a right to see and be with his son, the mother can not deny him this. The child suffers from massive anxiety, PTSD, pees in his pants at age 9, can't follow a normal school and so forth. Why is it that this man is protected by the law? Why is it that no-one confronts my female family member's father?? I want to speak up, write about it, but since I am not the victim directly here, how do I do this without upsetting the people directly involved who choose to be quiet!
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Something often missed in blaming the silent is the conflict about the penalties for outing the abuser. Often the abusers are well repected and well liked. Well. Except for. So. How do we feel about destroying the life and career of someone we like. Except for? It isn’t easy to be a whistle blower, when the consequences mean destroying someone else. Even having been on the receiving end of abuse. Even remembering the damage done to several women by this man. Even though I both liked and hated him. I wouldn’t have wanted him to go to jail. I just wanted him to STOP.
1
And then there's the child, to whom everyone's the boss. No one to tell about what's been happening to her in the middle of the night. It's a secret and you don't tell secrets. The dawning that something is wrong comes slowly. She has been complicit in the act and ashamed. She can't tell now. No one will believe this dirty thing is being done to her by such a fine man. So she keeps quiet, and rocks herself to sleep at night with her hands tucked hard where it hurts the most.
The conspiracy of inaction continues to this day with regard to children in their own homes, and very few people want to hear stories like this about people they thought they knew. Not even now, when it seems that all of it is being brought into the light. It's not. This one stays in the dark.
It happens more than anyone can even imagine and its been going on since time immemorial. You can't break a conspiracy of inaction when there's a conspiracy of silence so deep, the victims so ashamed, the last thing they want to do is relive that all over again. Where's the evidence? Where are the witnesses? Only God knows and he isn't passing judgment until later. Small comfort to a small child.
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If you know of a sexual predator and say nothing, you have guaranteed another victim.
1
Thanks for this piece. Just an editorial note.
"Verbal" = "of words." Can be spoken OR written.
"Oral" = "by mouth, or spoken."
Which means when you complained orally (spoke), your teachers tended to ignore you.
1
The colleges and universities of our country have been among the worst offenders in this conspiracy of silence. Young women who report college rape have been ignored while the college protects its athletes and the reputation of the school. The damage done to these young women who are on their own for the first time in their lives can be severe. Many even leave the school and abandon their dreams when they realize that the university will not protect them.
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Speak up? YES! Report? YES!! Insure Consequences? YES!!! But there is something else that needs to be done. We need to teach our girls to say NO from the time they can talk. We need to teach them that they are entitled to their bodies and no one else is... ever! We need to teach them to be independent, self confident and proud to be female. We need them to know in the very depths of their being that their value does not rest on how they look, dress or how much money they they have. We have to teach them to be competitive. "Go for it" is not just for men. They need to know that it is who they are, not what gender they are, that will allow for success. And they need to hear this from every male and female in their family, every mentor or significant person in their life. Then,they must go out into the world knowing all of this and fight like hell when anyone, male or female, tries, by any means, to take it away!
The conspiracy of inaction applies not only to sexual abusers but those in positions of power who abuse their privilege and are traumatizing our country with their inaction. If everybody knows, everybody needs to speak up.
Thank you for this great editorial article. I think the operative word you mention and people need to think more about is the "power" play. I remember going to Bank of America HR about the harassment one of my employees was getting from my boss. They did nothing. Same at Microsoft. It takes a community to resolve to be rid of this downer on good productivity. It also makes people witnessing it cringe, which is a slow progressive erosion on good spirits.
You cannot possibly imagine how tiresome this story has become.
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Imagine how tiresome it is to live it.
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Any action directed toward sexual misconduct needs to be part of a larger approach to dealing with abuse of power generally, which takes forms sexual and non-sexual. Nothing else will likely work. Many of us, maybe all of us, have had jobs with a particular individual or two who were very powerful and a nightmare for all who had to have regular contact with them, people who screamed and threatened and belittled and even threw things, practically non-stop every working minute of their lives. Taken to the extreme there are even powerful people - MDs - who have been responsible for deaths of patients repeatedly but have gotten away with it for the same reason all the other horror-show bosses have gotten away with it - they bring in loads of $ to the company/firm, or at least they are perceived as being responsible for bringing in loads of $ to the company or firm. Therefore, legally, their liability to the company/firm has to be made to outweigh the benefit. Simply because $ - or maybe we should call it greed - drives everything in these business environments.
1
I think a large part of our nation's collective fracturing and anger comes from the feelings of powerlessness that so many of us experience on a daily basis. People have said and done plenty regarding sexual abuse and harassment, and were ostracized because of it. Women come out as victims, and are immediately treated with suspicion and contempt. Children abused by clergy are made to keep quiet by the church that was supposed to protect them, foster their faith in God, and instill in them the basic tenants of human decency. Families forcing young girls to marry their rapists. Women who tell other women not to make a fuss when men in positions of power make unwanted advances. Men who ruin the careers of women who spurn their advances. The conspiracy is actually very active.
Just this past weekend, my grandmother told me of 2 instances of being sexually assaulted. The first when she was barely 16, and the rape resulted in the birth of her first child, who she gave up for adoption. The second was at the hands of my grandfather when they were married. I don't know why she decided to tell me this now. And although I am glad I could be there for her, I am struggling to deal with the weight of this knowledge.
4
Men who abuse do it because they can.
Or could.
I see a turning, if ever so slight, of the great male behemoth in our culture toward something more benign for young women especially, but also young boys abused by a priest, a coach cum speaker of the House, a famous Academy Award winning actor, etc., ad nauseum.
If nothing else, this current firestorm will alert potential victims that they are not in any way in the wrong just because they are in the wrong place with an evil person and they may find the courage to speak. Or rather scream.
It may also embolden those lily livered cowards who saw and knew and did nothing.
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Thank you for speaking about this. To use Rosenberg's phrase you mention, everybody [expletive] knows that the President of the United States is a sexual predator, a liar and a thief, and yet nobody does anything about it either! The GOP should never have let this loose cannon be nominated, much less run, and now they can't find the spine to get rid of this insane and dangerous lunatic, when there are more than enough grounds to investigate and impeach him. What kind of role model is Congress for speaking out about what they know is wrong?!
The good ole boys club exists, whether at a local school, the business world, or in our religious and national governing institutions, and whether about sexual abuse or other unethical harmful behaviors. Time to action, starting at the top!
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Men abusing, molesting women and girls goes on in every corner of a females life. When I was 18 riding the subways of NYC it was a known fact that men liked crowded trains for one reason, they could rub up against a woman, without them knowing what was happening, getting to pleasure themselves.
I learned to stand with my back to the door and my briefcase in front of me.
When I started my professional career, there were many men, who molested the young new female interns and first year employees by getting us into elevators and getting so close as to “accidentally” touch our breasts. For me, as a gay woman, it was even worse, because at that time, society was not as open as it currently is. Most women accetped it, they wanted to get ahead, they even dismissed it as “this is how they are” or it’s a “male dominated profession, what did you expect”. When I finally could take no more, the results, got me outed, I was called names and taunted. I finally transferred internally. As news gets around, even in big organizations, I was marked, promotions limited and upward opportunities nil. Even thought I was a permanent civil servant, I took every promotional exam, I stagnated. Finally, at a change in administrations, my position was eliminated and a particularly indescent commissioner, terminated my employ. “Equal opportunity” must mean something or are they simply words on a one way street?
2
I am unable to understand the mind of current republicans on so many levels, and attempting to understand the thinking across gender and party is even more fraught. But to consider that a majority of republican women could vote for Trump after listening to him, not an accuser, brag about his abuse of women is one of the most confusing and disorienting events in a very confusing time.
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One of the great thing about turinng 40 is I no longer had to endure unwanted attention. From the time I was 13 on there was always some guy pushing himself on me or worse. Welcome to the world of being female. And the fact that men are clueless to what was going on is quite astonishing. Hopefully they strive to give their daughters a better life.
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They’re not clueless.
2
Sexual offenders and predators need to be publicly ostracized, shunned & shamed, as should bullies.
4
Given the ubiquity of these behaviors - both by the aggressors, almost universally male, and by the victims, mostly female - and the contexts in which they all play out, it occurs to me that most of those involved regard the whole gestalt as a sort of initiation ritual. Or a critical component of initiation into the "serious grown-up professional culture." Being shown your place, having to suck up a certain amount of direct assault on one's personal integrity, learning early what rewards are within reach if you accept the rules, and reinforcing self-silencing (because complaining diminishes you) reflects a pretty broad consensus about how success is defined, achieved and rewarded in our hyper-competitive society. The lines drawn to condemn egregious criminal behavior actually also reinforce this. It seems like a psycho-sexual expression of our hyper-capitalist culture. Or why have we elected an open predator-in-chief as head of state while we self-righteously take down lesser aspirants to that title?
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Trump is always on the list of sexual abusers. Why has there not been a systematic investigation and report on his behavior?
Most of this sexual abuse was committed within liberal media, and it was the liberal media who protected them. This opinion piece is simply one more example of the blatant hypocrisy of the liberal media, and specifically the New York Times. Look in the mirror. You are the problem.
Wilson, I guess you do not mind being outed as a stooge by your own writing. No one needs to be told about sexual abuse, it is all around us and found in almost every corner of US life. Only a truly ignorant partisan could conclude that it was confined to particular ages, political leanings, regions of the country etc. Most people who read about it (men, since women already know about it from their experiences) think about how they can combat it, not about how to blame it on their political foes.
"Often, a victim or someone else did summon the courage to come forward, only to have the institution do little or nothing."
Even more often, the institution compounds the abuse by doubting, threatening, silencing and retaliating against anyone with the courage to come forward. Also punished are the victim's colleagues who, while not direct targets, are willing to testify to the pervasive atmosphere of vulnerability and control that sets the scene for the reported behavior.
A power differential is essential to the abuser's playbook. Part of that power
belongs to the abuser, and part belongs to the institution. The canny predator does not simply identify and groom targets for abuse, but cultivates a complicit institution invested in the predator's own tenure.
It takes a village to ignore a travesty.
1
Yes . . . But it's not that hard to do differently.
Many of us in leadership positions have "yes and yes" answers to the questions you pose. I dealt with a handful of harassment accusations over 19 years. Every women or girl was believed. Four male employees were removed, just for actions that made women or girls uncomfortable. It doesn't take assault or formal proof of harassment to inspire action to protect. Our procedures provided multiple, confidential avenues to report, with impunity and safety.
I never heard one rumor or vague allegation that I didn't follow up with diligence.
You are right to regret silence. But not everyone has been silent or timid.
1
My Dad was a New York City Fireman whose Father died when he was eleven years old. He had to leave school at that tender age to help his widowed Mother and four younger siblings survive during the depths of the Depression.
He had little formal education but was the wisest man and greatest role I ever knew, teaching by example all I ever needed to know about being a responsible adult and respecting women - my Mother, Grandmother, Aunts, Sister and, by extension, all other females.
Part of me wonders just who and what the parents of these sexually depraved predators were, and did or failed to do when given the opportunity to raise and mold their sons for the good and betterment of society.
2
Most importantly we need to change the legal system. Part of the problem is the perpetrators usually get off (Cosby) or the sentencing is minimal. The instructions to the jurors should be to apply "a preponderance of evidence" in their findings of guilt or innocence. By instructing the jury to use the metric of "reasonable doubt" you leave the verdict in limbo because anyone can have a doubt. Lawyers are really good at creating a reasonable doubt. Perhaps more people would step forward if they felt their very public exposure would have a chance at justice.
No law,no punishment,no social boycott can stop sexual "harassment" because of its complications in interpretation. British Boys are told,"Go and sow some wild oats" half mischievously by their elderly well-meaning relatives.
That teen-age sex is permitted and to avoid teen-age pregnancy use of condoms issued from the school as a norm what prevents boys and girls from having "fun"? When these boys and girls become men and women then starts the trouble. Like the girls,women still want to be attractive to men and display their "assets" and "attractions" publicly teasing the men to "come and get it". And when men make the attempt its interpreted as harassment.It confuses men.They are given the "opportunity" or they are helped out to create the "opportunity".Often women enjoy all the fruits of "sin" and much later when the taste of those fruits die in their mouth,they decide to complain.Any harassment / rape reported after a specific time limit should be unacceptable. Otherwise its like discounting a goal due to some purported or unintended foul after the tournament is over.Its absolutely unfair to the menfolk but quite profitable to the lawyers and of little consequence to the women folk.Opposite sexes are meant to be attractive and desirable to each other as its the law of nature and of chromosomes.To ask men not to fall for "temptations" while the women can carry on tempting and teasing men offering them "opportunities" one way or other is cruel and unjust to men.
1
I’d like to report a serial sex predator. I know where he lives and works. We all know. But for some reason, he walks free.
Right now this person is in Asia. But wait till next week when he returns.
You can find him in the White House. Try the Oval Office during working hours. Or just follow his Twitter feed.
I’d love for law inforcement to subpoena some tapes of his reality show. And there are many, many women who have already come forward.
That this person walks free is an outrage!
3
The scourge of sexual violence and its normalization in America is exemplified by reporting out of Texas on Baylor University that found on every level of potential redress the University, from regents to football coaches, failed a female student who dared to report a horrendous gang rape by football players. School authorities blamed the victim. Further reporting has found that rampant sexual abuse by male students has been 'routinely' brushed under the rug by campus authorities and female students have been 'routinely' blamed for 'bringing it on' because they'd been drinking which is outlawed by this 'christian' university. Student drinking may be a campus problem but the proliferation, normalization, and easy access to increasingly violent pornography can't be dismissed as a critical link in the chain of our 21st century sexual abuse epidemic.
1
Those who know something have an obligation to speak up.
But I am uneasy about encouraging those without particular knowledge to act on the basis of rumor. While I am sure that many guilty people have rumors swirling around them, it would be fair to ask how many innocent people also have rumors targeting them.
We want to be very cautious about telling crowds of people to go after those they simply suspect in a general way. That's the kind of thing that others have so often turned against blacks and Muslims, not to mention non-conforming women.
Don't kid yourself, you have no ability to single out one crime you find particularly heinous and then lower the standards for suspects in that one narrow area. Once this stuff gets going, it spreads, and it becomes a matter of local politics determining which kinds of wrong-doing require less proof. More often than not, you are not going to like how this plays out. It's going to be indistinguishable from mob rule.
If you know facts that indicate sexual predation, you should be speaking to authorities. (Chances are that in the new climate, they will be more responsive than they were just a few years ago.) If you know someone who claims to know facts, you should be urging them to speak up. But if we are talking about some nebulous "everybody thinks so" stop and think of all the trouble that devil has done over the ages.
1
Education, education, education in elementary school will teach the lessons of how to identify, how to react, who to notify and how to report these situations and the people who perpetrate them. This is already being done in Malawi, Africa and was instituted in the schools by teachers who realized this is where they should begin. The students are taught to feel secure in their dealings with adults and as a result many, many life altering situations have been avoided.
At schools, when adult teachers are responsible for minor children, the determination of guilt is usually straightforward.
But what does one do when one observes what appears to be a consensual affair between two adults in the workplace, especially if one of the parties is subordinate to the other? How does an employee who is not involved know if a relationship is truly consensual? Who knows what is happening behind closed doors?
These are usually not things one can ask about. Further, such affairs can often have a horribly negative effect on the workplace as a whole.
Suppose one of the parties is married? Suppose one party is using sexuality to advance his/her career?
Sexual harassment is a major problem, but sometimes things are more complex than they seem. As so many have pointed out, it's extraordinarily difficult for a third party to know what is really going on, and certainly its often difficult and dangerous for a third party to do anything about it. “If you see something, say something” can be hazardous to a third party’s career.
Given the strong and complex role of sex and sexuality in human affairs, this problem is going to be difficult to fully address. The Harvey Weinsteins of the world should face strong justice (assuming the man is guilty as charged, which is likely). But there are many, many complexities, and, pardon the expression, many shades of grey.
1
The gossip circuit can help out. When I started grad school, two students told me that women needed to beware of Professor X and men needed to avoid Professor Y, since both tried to turn students into sex partners.
We have to do more than this. The whole reporting system is broken from HR departments that are incompetent to a legal system that is also biased against victims. There are a whole slew of police, prosecutors, judges and others who have not believed women even when something is said. Right now I would say that what victims experience after they report is just as traumatic as what they have experienced.
1
There seems to be a conspiracy of inaction on many fronts both political and social. In what ways has the government governed since Trump took over? It's quite depressing and disgusting. I don't expect anything to change while Trump is president and when the likes of McConnel and Ryan control the wimpy Republican representatives.
Write all you want David. Inaction is in charge everywhere including in Trumps verbiage.
Contractors offend experience sexual abuse by those organizations they are contracting with. At one consulting firm that I worked for, we counseled both young women and young men to understand abuse and report. Most contracting firms aren't that protected of their employees and will fire anyone who threatens the renewal of contracts. There needs to be another avenue to report anonymously any abuse and have it taken seriously.
I agree our organizations need to be more proactive in following up on complaints and being proactive on acting on them.
I do also believe we need to have a conversation about our societal norms of how we treat the opposite sex. While many of these instances are power plays by powerful people in their local environment, many more come from ignorance about what sexual harassment is and how to approach the opposite sex to achieve a nurturing relationship. We need to start educating (mainly young boys) in what is appropriate and what is not. Most of our young people "learn" how to treat the opposite sex from the media which is probably the worst place to do so. I have seen nothing regarding this lack of education, and we need to start having this conversation or we will continue to perpetuate this for generations to come.
There are two parts of this complex situation that also need to be brought forward: (1) The abuse and harassment of men by women of power; and (2) the increase we can now expect of women making false accusations. The system of "remedy" in human resources departments, most often headed by women, encourages reporting. The accuser is believed in so many occasions that the accused is not given any benefit of doubt. Due process in these cases -- and, yes, they do happen -- includes assumption of the accuser's guilt. It's a mindset, and I've observed it. Just to be clear, I've headed three departments, both large and small, at three different universities, and I've seen all iterations of this complex situation, including one HR head who seemed to revel in reports of bad behavior. This is not a question of right and wrong, but of a sliding scale of social engagement that threatens to end cordial conversation as fear among all increases. By the way, I'm a woman, and was able to escape a sexual abuse situation with my first boss at a university.
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Good op-ed. Perhaps there is a deterrent through punishment. It seems those perpetrators cannot do the right thing on their own.
I was reading with great interest the accounts of the three people who Mr. Leonhardt knew had sexually molested students, two molesting female students, one molesting male students. I kept reading, as he named and shamed the one who molested boys. And then I kept waiting, with an all too familiar dismay, for him to name and shame the two who molested girls. But no. The author seems to know enough about all three to name all three. Hard to miss the, likely unintentional, implication that the only one that mattered was the one who molested boys. Although I appreciate the article and the gist of the article, it's one of those little ways where women and girls are told: you don't count, not like the boys. For me, that message undermined the otherwise spot on article.
It would be interesting to know when the author went to high school. Are the sexual predators he talks about still around to face the music?
This is a well-written call to arms! We all should use it as a road map for present and future vigilance and initiative.
The author freely admits ignoring or fearing the problem he knew or suspected existed while he was there. Congratulations on bringing this to light 20 years later.
On a separate note one might ask "what exactly are the rules or the rule?" What is the definition of sexual abuse and or misconduct that we can hang our hat on because Ive never seen one. Every comment or commenters or journalist or politician has their own opinion based on what, up bringing, religion or own sexual opinions experiences and morals or more likely the need to be heard. Try telling people that sexual predators or mentally challenged or rapist should be castrated or somehow sexually disabled and watch the screaming start. We are now a society of accusations not proof. We label people by our own image of what we think and that is everything we are trying to stop in racial, sexual, ethnic discrimination. Dave get a grip, you are part of the problem...not the solution and now you have outed yourself as an accuser.
Thank you, David Leonhardt, for this clarion call to turn our attention to the tolerance of sexual exploitation, sexual harassment and even assault within our educational workplaces. Minors, especially, are least well able to look out for themselves. Often, they do not even recognize inappropriate behavior. I remember at Lowell High in S.F. there was one particularly popular, "friendly" math teacher. Everyone knew he was married; he bragged to us when his wife gave birth. And soon after one such birth came the shocking news that he was divorcing his wife and instead marrying one of our classmates, a girl who had just turned 16... This girl looked scared half to death, rather than giddy with grown-up love. The shotgun wedding was her parents' way of dealing with "the shame of her getting mixed up with him." But she was just a kid! He should have been reported & banned from teaching, maybe treated, or maybe even jailed. There was another math teacher, an older man, that girls complained would put his hands on them, breathing heavily, as he "checked their work." You are right: we are too willing to blame the victims of predators, too often inclined to accept the argument that they "must have been asking for it." Kids are sent to school to learn, not be abused. People take jobs to pay their way through life -- not to offer themselves up like sacrificial victims of some kind to a maniac who imagines he (sometimes, she) is above the law & allowed to assault with impunity.
Even if you say something - as a whistle blower or victim - chances are you will be retaliated against. The employment policies and even the government institutions will not - or cannot - help. The EEOC is understaffed and has been politicized. Hiring an attorney is costly. Free legal aid? Nope. The ACLU is overbooked with larger fish to fry - and no additional legal aid is available. Most civil rights attorneys will not take your case on contingency. Besides, your coworkers or school mates will remain silent for fear of retaliation. The press will not do anything unless there is money or fame involved. I am not saying to remain silent, but by speaking out - there is the very real possibility that you will lose everything - including your sanity. The institutions that allow the behavior will fight you - sometimes for years. I learned this first hand. Speaking up is always the right thing to do - and sometimes it is also the hardest.
http://www.firelawblog.com/2017/06/05/lynchburg-facing-sexual-harassment...
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Plentiful mea culpas and admonitions to "see something and say something" are not only not enough, they press only one possible lever-- and the wrong one. Women and men, girls and boys should be taught what sexual harassment looks and sounds like and what words and actions they might try to head it off forcefully and effectively. Encouraging multiple protectors makes the protector feel powerful and virtuous. Knowing ways to protect him/herself, on the other hand, can encourage a potential victim to feel strong and safe.
Mr. Leonhardt, until and unless the sexual predator that sits in the White House is held accountable for his despicable behavior, all this is just talk. Stand behind the women who are being vilified by the bully-in-chief. They deserve support NOW.
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We live in a culture where "snitching" is seen as one of the worst social, political and economic actions we can take, worthy of tribal exile, on par with Soviet neighbor-watching. We're taught from an extremely early age, before formal schooling has even begun, that "snitches get stitches," stool pigeons are the lowest of the low and informants always get their disloyal comeuppance.
And yet, we also wonder why so many recipients/witnesses of unwanted sexual advances stay silent...
Let us not forget to mention the Catholic Church, the biggest abuser of them all. The abuse spread over continents, not just one area of LA as awful as that is. I am a Unitarian, not a Catholic , but I too suffered because the man I loved suffered at the hands of his parish priest and the Christian Brothers who taught him and fondled him. It changed his life and mine.
There is a lot of big after the fact talk going on now and lot of victims speaking out after the fact, years after the fact.
Fear and complicity will never go away. For everyone speaking out now there are twice as many victims still making a choice to remain silent and not get involved.
Sexual abuse has been prevalent at elite private prep schools for years- more than a century and probably since they were founded.
It is wrong but victims remain silent to this day with a few speaking out and then having to live with a "reputation" that they would rather not have.
Too late to tell Anita Hill, "Now we believe you."
2
As much as I appreciate celebrities coming out about their experience with sexual harassments and abuse, I ask – who cares about children who are sexually abused every day and the today’s adults who were abused in childhood? Does nobody care about how are they suffering today?
For 20 years I have listen to adults abused in childhood and try to bring awareness to this problem. Nobody cared. We know now that abuse alters genes - read: http://boxbook.com/category/scientific-research/
1
Don't always blame just the men in degenerate Hollywood or the repugnant "entertainment" business.
The media praised the recently dead, degenerate, "filthy old man," for leading the sexual revolution by his hedonism and paraphilia for sexual progressivism.
Hugh Hefner of Playboy infamy debased America and debauched its young women with his penthouse brothel.
Women have contributed to films which degrade women and actresses play their part in debasing themselves by accepting those parts.
At the Cannes Film Festival 2016, the indecent, rapidly aging 69-year-old Susan Sarandon claimed female directors make sex on screen more interesting as she sets her sights on making the porn industry more acceptable to women.
The unrestrained acquiescence by actresses to accept parts where they display frontal nudity or feigned frontal fornication—in director Vincent Gallo's The Brown Bunny, Chloé Sevigny performs unsimulated oral sex.
The amoral creative hacks have taken over the "entertainment" industry.
All the media should have condemned Hollywood pornography as well as male predators like Hefner decades ago—including president womanizers like JFK and Bill Clinton. Instead many editors and writers hushed up any inquiry into their sexual misbehavior—and in Clinton's case serial rapes.
The media are no "innocents" for the blame of the continuing sexual harassment of women by their deafening silence and callous reusal to believe women's "tales of sexual horror."
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Thank you Thomas for your comments! Honorable men like you who are concerned for girls and women who routinely debase themselves for attention, boyfriends' interest...(ie teens sexting each other). Hollywood is turning out smut on a regular basis as "art". Violence and porn..that's what our country's come to.
2
In 1948 I was 8 yrs old, I was on the beach. My father was stationed at Eglin AFB. My two younger brothers and I were running around the sand dunes while our parents played cards and drank with other NCO's in a beach club. A young serviceman befriended us and we chased each other for a while and then he started hiding coins for us to find. We did that for a while and then he cornered me behind a dune and ask me to "show me something I have never seen". Even at 8 I knew at once I was in trouble and took off running for the clubhouse. He followed for a short distance. I found my mother at a table and went to her and stood next to her. She looked up and asked me if I needed something. I said no. Here is what I was thinking: If I tell her, she will tell my father, he will go after him and something awful will happen, they will kill him. The man was black.
Some days later I told my mother what had happened. She of course said I should have told her and yes, my father would have gone after him.
I wonder now how many young (or old) girls he abused and what I should have done.
5
SEXUAL ABUSE Is a misnomer, as it is a form of violence, not an expression of sexuality. Rather, it is the destruction of sexual feelings in those who have survived such trauma. Sexual Domestic Violence would be a more accurate term, as the criminal exploitation of those in unequal power situations, such as children and adults or boss and subordinate. What I find outrageous is that with all the recent exposes about Sexual Domestic Violence lately, the most prominent, powerful self-described, boastful offender is none other than Donald Trump, who regaled Billy Bush in a video by describing how he assaulted women sexually. So far, Trumpzilla, the Trumpenstein Monster, King Twaat, the Puussy Grabber in Chief, has gone unscathed. Why? A number of women came forward during he 2016 election campaign to allege that they had been sexually assaulted by Trump. We're not talking about the situation with Monica and Bill, where she had boasted to her college roommate that she was going to go to Washington to "get" the President. She viewed her objective as a sexual adventure, which, however, does not vitiate the power differential between her and Bill. The GOP screamed for blood and distracted the nation from preparing to defend against attacks such as 9/11, to get Bill. Fortunately, there is no statute of limitations for sexual crimes in New York. I hope that the Attorney General, Eric Schneiderman, will bring charges against Trump for Sexual Domestic Violence.
1
As a woman, I think maybe what constitutes sexual harassment should be fully defined.
What some might consider as harassment is not considered harassment by another person.
As a woman, I do recognize that some women dress or act provocatively as to generate attention.
The problem with many men, however, is to think that All women he 'responds' to want the same things or don't mind.
Perhaps maybe a dress code in certain jobs might be issued.
Also, a code of conduct with both sexes should be instituted, especially on the job.
One thing I noticed in the debacle with many of these men is that usually many of these women came to these guys to request something.
Perhaps a scene or favoritism in a certain movie.
Then comes the attitude of many men is, if I give you something then I want something in return, type of situation.
Tip for women, don't ask for something you haven't earned.
You might just be a better person for that job, but maybe it's not wise to put yourself out there like that
I've often heard in my long life about women in particular who have slept their way to the top.
But after you were or are a conscientious player, do you then get to play foul?
Sexual harassment can be stopped, but it requires both sets of the sexes to work on it.
3
Anytime someone puts a benefit on the table as obtainable only by sexual favors, it is coercion.
NOT a mutually agreed to option.
No one should have to trade sex or sexual abuse, to be able to achieve anything or gain anything.
A good portion of white collar jobs have a dress code so I’m unsure of what you’re talking about. It’s well known that you can’t wear club dresses or have your breast out at work. Added to that we can’t come to our male coworkers for help, advice or questions? If I’m misunderstanding something I can’t ask my supervisor or another male in the office because they might sexually assault me? You do know what you’ve said not only is insulting to women but men everywhere. You have basically said: “well ladies men can’t help themselves, so just keep your head down and don’t reach too high.” Do you hear yourself?
(the rest of my comment)
That wasn't my last encounter with attempted rape but I always found a way out: attacked on my way to play rehearsal a block from my High School, followed home from the golf course by a man I had to go to a house for help. On and on into adulthood. Being old didn't make much difference. At the age of 60, walking my dog, cars driving by would slow down yell suggestions at me. At 78, the retired widowers in my neighborhood make their advances which I just smile and ignore. It is too tiring to think about educating them. This is not an usual story. My daughter can tell similar ones, and her friends, and my friends. It is way past time for it to stop.
4
Everybody always knows, but those wise and brave enough to speak out are rare
2
The gift of your article for me is its emotional tone. You were able to write about what has happened in a way that led to understanding and compassion in addition to condemnation of behaviors that harm individuals and rupture the social fabric of the broader community. What I would like people to take away from your article is that caring people just like you and me remain silent and over time and disconnect themselves from the consequences of doing so. To find solutions that reflect the best of who we are we must bind radical compassion and righteous indignation together.
I wonder how many of these abusers received promotions and raises despite the common knowledge of their crimes. It shows the inextricable nature of sexual abuse and power. If a guy was a successful lean-mean-fighting-machine shark in the business world this sort of behavior was considered a creepy but necessary "perk". Nobody was happy about it, but they wanted the profits and success he could bring to the business. Women may have considered it part of the overall gauntlet of ridiculous hoops to jump through just to get a footing in previously all-male bastions.
In scholastic circles, it seems many of the abusers were quite popular teachers. They were the artsy, literary, "Mr. Chips" kind of guys who lived for adulation from young people and learned devious methods of contorting student-teacher dynamics into sick relationships. Who is more vulnerable than a teenager whose parents are shelling out big bucks for the cachet of a reputable, distinguished private school education that would be tarnished by scandal?
But the most devious, horrific sexual abuse paradigm of all remains the Roman Catholic whack-a-mole system of moving pedophile-priests from parish to parish to avoid detection and scandal. That a church was willing to have innocent kids get raped and sodomized for decades rather than turning in these monsters is unforgivable.
Imagine if sexual abusers were treated with the same fury as kneeling NFL guys, immigrants, Muslims or desperate girls seeking an abortion.
19
Many of the abusers eventually reported by private schools turned out to have been given excellent letters of reference to get rid of them quietly, once reported by students. And many of them went on to serially abuse - from one school to the next! (Similar to what has happened in churches, not just the RC.)
All culpable Catholic priests should've gone to prison forever, and not the covert diocese shuffling that they did. I'm sure from the Pope on down they knew of this sunami of abuse.
1
So many of us are feeling some guilt for not speaking out against a known or suspected sexual harasser from our past.
Rather than wallow in regret, we should be motivated to celebrate the massive change that is sweeping this country and empowering people to stand up and shout "Stop! Enough is Enough"!
The power of millions of voices speaking their truth can eradicate sexual harassment.
1
Good column. Almost everyone's heard if not actually seen these type of actions in the workplace. So also in the religious, cultural and educational organizations that we belong to. Federal regulations are in place and yet these type of behaviours are rampant. The conspiracy of inaction is a conspiracy of societal cowardice and possibly a conspiracy of social acceptance. Remember all those public dismissals of such behaviour by famous personages as "locker room goings on", "boy talk" and many stunned wives having to "stand by their man" at least for public consumption. Last week NYT had an outstanding expose of the goings on in Ireland for decades in a democratic western country. Such widespread acceptance and tolerance of this type of behaviour has to cease before any meaningful progress can occur. That progress can occur only when we make change at the personal, family, faith and early education levels. Organizations have to set aside temporary business gains and interests and take bold action. It may need turning on or outing a close business partner or colleague and that takes COURAGE.
Thank you, David. Lets review what we did in the Penn State case, when it was obvious that so many knew the attrocities of Sandusky and looked the other way. They looked the other way, because they the desird to keep the Penn State football program in good standing was greater than the desire to keep children safe. We punished the program by taking away some of their wins (horrors?), recruiting restrictions and bowl game restrictions. When the spot light went away, the recruiting restrictions and bowl restrictions were lifted early.
We should have sent a message by eliminating the Penn State football program forever. There are innocent people, those athletes that chose Penn State, that would have been hurt by those actions. Thats a necessary cost of doing the right thing. We must be careful when we choose institutions to become associated with.
Its time to take Joe Paterno's statue down. He famously said, "I wish I had done more." If I could finish his thought it is, "BUT I HAD A FOOTBALL PROGRAM TO WORRY ABOUT".
Lets stand up to the preditors and the enablers.
4
William Cozart
New York City
It is ironic that Mr. Leonhardt's powerful piece appears just as we are attempting to comprehend the horror of the mass shooting at the Baptist Church in Texas. The gunman, Devin Patrick Kelley, was court-martialed by the U. S. Air Force for assaulting his wife and children. There is growing evidence that men who commit domestic violence are themselves victims of sexual abuse as children. Thus, the anguish of these early sexual experiences can have, literally, lethal consequences down the road in a country where the NRA owns both Houses
of Congress.
4
You rightfully call for changes to policies and organizations and need to be personal, too. But you say nothing about the role of the government. In this instant, it reminds me of the recent changes proposed by Betsy Devos, the Education Secretary regarding sexual assault survivors. See https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/posteverything/wp/2017/09/08/betsy-d.... Since the Trump Administration took over, we can talk about "the conspiracy of inaction" on many fronts - environmental issues, school-related issues regarding rape allegations to transgender students and who can forget the guns. Blaming everything on issues about mental health or going overboard with regulations is not the answer. These difficult problems require courage and fortitude to take an unabashed look at "who we are" at all levels.
4
I think it is important for everyone to be taught about boundaries. It isn't just about people in helping professions, it is everywhere there is a powerful-powerless relationship as the fallout from the Hollywood/Trump information has shown. Life requires self discipline whether you are straight, gay or anywhere on the spectrum.
1
These "bungled situations" are not just about cowardice. They are also about money. In Horace Mann's case, they likely feared declining applications/enrollment and alumni donations. (Ditto for colleges who don't publicize their rapes and sexual assaults on campus.) In Fox News's case, they feared an advertiser pullout. In the cases of Weinstein and Spacey, these were bankable movers and shakers who wielded extraordinary power in the industry--the geese that laid golden eggs and were, therefore, supposedly untouchable. And in the case of the average woman who reports to HR--Susan Fowler is a case in point--HR themselves are often fearful for their own jobs and paychecks.
We have to put the onus back on the perpetrator for the wrongdoing, not the person who reports it. The ones who should be afraid for their livelihoods are the bullies themselves.
54
As a teen ager on three occasions adult males tried to sexually engage me. One of whom showed me pornagraphic photos of orgies hosted by a high school shop teacher. A friends mother introduced her son and his friends to that adult male predator. I don't know if she knew about him but think she should have. My female guardians best friend seduced me when I was fourteen. Two female gym teachers at one of our middle schools, junior high school in those days, maintained harems of eighth and ninth grade girls. This went on for years. Much later as an adult talking to a friends mother, a retired teacher, I learned " everybody knew about it".
So, I guess the moral of the story is, this is how a lot of people are. Not only do they not stand up for adults, including themselves but they won't even protect children. Middle school kids are children.
Back then had I said anything I know I would have been in big trouble.
2
Iconoclast: your point that the abuse does not come only from adult men is well taken. ANYONE in power can be an abuser -- from the lesbian gym teacher to the female principal seducing a student -- to female bosses.
Assuming that this is a uniquely male problem is untrue.
1
It’s my impression that men don’t speak up because they think it’s no big deal. Often they think that women want or like the attention. When I was a little girl, my father liked to tell me that one day a prince would come galloping by on his white horse and swoop me up and take me away. Where’s the consent in that? It’s a false male romantic notion that women want to be raped. Sexual harassment is the ultimate form of bullying and just like bullying, you can’t legislate it away. The only thing that will be effective is a focused education campaign and a change in culture.
1
True or false: it’s always better to come forward and admit wrongdoing
True or false: Democrats will abondon you if you admit to wrongdoing
Hmmmm.... is the democratic insistence on moral purity causing more harm than good? Maybe liberals could learn a thing or two from Trump about transparency.
1
Good column. Thanks.
Human Resource Departments are tools of the financial reporting of most companies. They will never defend the victim, always the company. That's what they're paid to do.
If we want change on sexual harassment and abuse in this country, we have to demand it from corporate boards who just seem to think hush money and an hour's worth of sexual harassment training a year is good enough to cover them.
As a parent (who was also sexually abused as a child) there is nothing more important we can do for our children than to 1. tell them that they can come to us and we will protect them and fight for them, 2. teach them how to trust their queazy feeling and 3. brainstorm with them how they can protect themselves. We need to believe them and their nurture their power.
1
In the case of schools, strict asexual rules such as if a teacher is alone with a pupil, ‘alone’ means in a room with windows such as adjacent to another teacher or staff. It is so hard to articulate creepy behavior, and defending oneself is tough.
Appropriate behavior needs to be taught to the whole generation. I’m saying appropriate behavior because knuckleheads think shoulder massages are appropriate. They aren’t. They establish the aggressor-victim dynamic in that instant, yet aggressors will protest.
1
Nothing will change because of this article. And nothing will change even if there are "more avenues" for reporting abuse. I have reported sexual harassment and discrimination at two major medical schools - and all that happened was that I was retaliated against. These institutions will simply hire more lawyers to intimidate underlings like me. "Speaking out" will be meaningless until women hold the balance of power the United States, which we certainly deserve to after all these years of harassment and abuse.
5
In recent conversations, we seem to be overlooking the catholic churches's tacit endorsement of sexual perdition, as their solution to their perverted expectations of celibacy.
I wager that the damage done by the church may top the list because it has been masquerading as a moral authority.
5
Most of the power structures of this nation and the world operate in great measure through the paradigm that women are inferior and that sexual abuse is a tool to be used. Even the most powerless man in the poorest country has the chance of abusing a woman. All women have experienced scorn, discrimination and some form or another of sexual harassment; and they all fear rape and violence that could potentially never be punished or compensated. The women must rise with irreversible exhortations against the male violence embedded in the structures of society. Sadly, women internalize this situation, and often protect the perpetrators of violence against them. They promote a culture of survival that ends up being a culture of submission. Whole cultures and religions are founded on the idea that women must be submissive to men. Lots of professions, including the movies, the arts, and classical music, who are supposed to be more enlightened, still reserve special positions of power just for men in the face of equality of other factors, such as talent and training. Indeed, we need more women in power. Moreover, we need more women fully educated, and more women who are awake to the most glaring injustice of millennia. What can a Quuen if England or a German Chancellor now do? Here in the “greatest country on earth” a sexual predator sits in the Presidency and millions of women voted for him. Shame on them.
4
I think that women in the entertaiment industry need to be aware about what roles for women they are portraying in the productions they participate in. Over the weekend, I rewatched parts of three classic films i have seen several times before--and which star actresses I think are fantastic. However, in one, a woman is made a laughing stock because she is a pregnant bride. In a second film, the same star laments that the man who just had sex with her in a drunken stupor doesn't know that it was her. And in the third, the female star ends up almost dead from a wild highway accident caused intentionally by a jealous suitor. Can you guess which movies I'm talking about?
I could go on, with lists and lists of films and plays that show women as throwaway objects. And the earliest films may be the worst.
Right now, I'm watching "Come September": the first film that Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee starred in together. It's moral system is quite different from what we are used to seeing in movies today. I don't know which is worse!
2
Sorry but I honestly have no inkling what those films are! can you post back and name them???
1
Yeah, David..I'm sorry Horace Mann had the same sexual abuse going on and no one did anything. Enabling powers that be...
When you reference : "I’m guessing that you get angry when you think about the abuse committed by Weinstein, O’Reilly, Trump, etc", be sure to add in Bill Clinton's name as well. Reports of rape (Paula Jones) and inappropriate groping were known for years in Arkansas before he got bored in the WH and abused Monica Lewinsky. Our countrys media treated her with hideous "slut shaming" . She was 19 and manipulated. We owe her collectively a HUGE mea culpa.
With kids, there's even less power and if they won't first go to their parents to start the process, it's horrible emotional damage. I hope to God all of it is a wake up call to this nation. We have a standard of TOXIC MASCULINITY in our country. There's no other way I'd describe it.
...
6
Part of the problem, and maybe an insurmountable one, is in our culture. We are taught as children not to "snitch." Parents tell their kids not to "tell on" each other. Kids are told to keep family business in the family. No one likes a kid who tells the teacher who drew pictures on the board. No one likes the employee who goes to the manager to report a coworker's mistake. In some environments, snitching can be lethal--in jail, in the military, in criminal gangs. Whistle blowers who report corporate or governmental wrong doing are ostracized and criticized. We're not supposed to gossip. We're taught to mind our own business. We know of cultures like the North Koreans, or the Chinese, where neighbors and family members were forced to accuse friends and family, and Americans deplore that kind of behavior. During the 50's, the people who gave up the names of supposed communists to Joe McCarthy became pariahs. Right now, people in our current government are working very hard to keep information about our president from becoming public, and of course people kept quiet about Weinstein--it's what they were taught to do. Keeping secrets is embedded in our culture, in our families, in our workplaces, and in our government.
5
Maybe some will find this a bit naive but might we assume Mr. Weinstein felt he was "entitled"? This is similar to the Trump remarks about how when you're famous you can grab a woman's genitals only Trump was in the gutter and Mr. Weinstein was, admit it, making legitimate world class entertainment. Back to the "entitled", if this is so, and I think it is, where's the mystery? Unfortunately, it's human nature at its worst.
1
Mr. Weinstein "got away with it" in part, because he was a huge contributor to the DNC and liberal causes.
Just like Bill Clinton "got away with it" for years, because he was a liberal Democratic President, and the leader of his party; they did not want to rock that boat.
1
Women who complain about the patriarchy are routinely told to shut up and everyone is complicit. It permeates through every layer of our life. What is being ignored is the content of the products mass media is peddling are deeply deeply sexist. It is then reflected in hiring and business attitudes across the board. People paying for tickets to watch movies with middle aged white male actors with young throw away actresses whose careers are over by the time they are 25 are supporting this. Look at Fox-show after show is an out of shape white male talking head and the young, highly coiffed women in heels and a tight dress are sitting there in supportive roles-disproportionately. Even on NPR, if you count, most of the voices are men, most of the shows are hosted by men. Look at the rock and roll hall of fame-my generation brainwashed to the tunes of male band after male band and almost no female groups have been inducted so far. What about music producers? Ever listen to trap music? Women are almost exclusively referred to as b***s or that they just f**d one. Why isn't Fox being prosecuted as an accessory to sexual misconduct and why do these guys get big payouts for breaking the law, while single mothers suffer and are discredited as stealing from the taxpayers on their shows? Everywhere you look-men are getting the coolest, high paying jobs and that is a statistical fact, and it is achieved by systemic bully tactics-sexual harassment is one of many.
9
Yes, indeed! In the film industry, I remember clearly in the 80s when suddenly the horror movies were about a criminal who enjoyed dismembering women, which was represented in sensuous detail. Who can forget Hustler magazine and the meat grinder image with a female part? These and many other tools of sex and violence only keep the population at large, men and women, debased and addicted. Enormous brain power is wasted as the majority of the world population lives in abject poverty and ignorance--the men in their violence and the women as the victims thereof-- and organized religion, instead of helping, compounds the issue. Let's aim for education, nutrition, health and a basic income for all, and for an awakened mind that rejects the evils of sexual violence in all its forms!
Believe it that the infobabes on Fox, etc with the tight sheaths and stilettos aren't being told to dress that way to bring in women viewers.
1
We had a teacher at our high school where there were vague dark rumors about his behavior with female students. And girls knew not to be alone in his classroom with him. This was in St. Paul, Minnesota 1980-84. It wouldn’t have occurred to any of us to report his behavior.
21
As a parent of young teenagers in the late 1990's I had to deal with their exclamations of 'the President says oral sex isn't sex" and explain that to my daughter that you can say 'no' to a man in a position of power! "Servicing" the President while he conducted the country's business prompted many young men to pressure their female school mates for similar favors! And feminists offered no support to young woman facing sexual pressures from men who had superior positions! They were too worried about losing a 'friend' in the White House!" I wonder if they regret that blind support today?
2
Changes in laws and company policies will help of course, but i fear that the bottom line will remain the thing most important to all businesses---money! Who is the most dispensable? My guess is that it won't be the CEO. It's always easier to ignore it/sweep it under the carpet, pay off the victim, or even worse, find a way to fire the victim. Not until sex abuse and harassment become more than locker room snickers will these crimes be punished.
1
David, not speaking out about inappropriate behavior that’s largely hidden from the public eye, is bad enough and shameful, whether it’s sexual abuse or harassment or baiting of a mentally challenged kid.
But when it’s in the spotlight where millions can view it, like Trump’s insulting a physically handicapped reporter or bragging about his treatment of women on Access Hollywood or insulting a war hero, every decent citizen should be offended and angered and demand that Trump pay a price for such behavior. To do nothing about thus is truly shameful.
3
How do you go out on your own to report this behavior? It’s scary. Others tend to think you are a trouble maker. sadly, it takes a long time and a scandal of this magnitude for people to come out and point the finger. Men in power, take notice. This behavior is no longer tolerated.
2
The symptoms of oppressive abuse take many forms. Silence is one of them. When Jim Jacks was identified as an abuser in my home state last week, I wasn’t surprised. As an elected representative to the Washington State House (from my Town, Vancouver) he had been secretly asked to resign six years ago for misconduct with a young female government staffer. Instead of the truth Pat Sullivan, Democratic Majority leader had announced that Jacks was leaving voluntarily for personal reasons. This week Sullivan came clean.
The silence is the killer. I have long complained about Jacks because of his malignant treatment of me, for which I sued the city of Vancouver, his former employer. No one would listen. I was accused of making it all up; then accused of making a big deal of nothing. Half a million dollars in legal fees, 16 lawyers, and 8 judges later, my lawyer convinced me to accept a paltry sum — because he said a jury would not believe I was harmed that badly. Even though his malicious contempt for me and spreading libelous vicious gossip cost me my family, I carried on. Apparently surviving these attacks is your reward. I have spent the last three years writing a book about what a Jacks started because I need to reclaim my voice. I won’t be silent anymore.
2
Quick history of human development. Men kill mammoths. Women have babies and fry potatoes. Solving conflicts? Men get guns. Women drink coffee and discuss. Nuclear bombs make wars obsolete as means for settling disputes. In centuries to come, women should lead countries and markets should allocate resources. Men? Do science and keep their hands to themselves and their wives.
This should be an object lesson in reporting sexual abuse and harassment immediately. However, there are many impediments. My brother-in-law is a retired NYC police detective. He told me harrowing stories of women who came to a precinct to report a rape and were treated like the perpetrator. In the work place, many women are intimidated with fear of losing their jobs if they repel advances or report them. Despite this, women should always scream bloody murder when they are sexually harassed and/or assaulted.
2
I think that the reduction of females to being all about their looks starts at birth and is encouraged by the "princess" industry. Females need to be seen as thinking, breathing equals to males. As Peggy Orenstein and others wrote so well about, when you see a little girl, don't just compliment her looks. Let her know that she is so much more than that. Stop judging females!
3
I am in no way condoning his behavior, but if you are going to conflate Trump with Weinstein and the others mentioned, you should also add Bill Clinton, so as not to appear to be taking a political position.
1
Most of these situations involve men abusing and harassing women. I am mystified by the women who give tacit approval: who voted for Trump anyway, who work against equal rights for women, who want governmental control of women's reproductive rights. Why do they believe they are second class citizens? How can they accept men's dominance? What is wrong with them?
3
In Ditmas JHS in Brooklyn in the 60's there was an English teacher (male) who would always hold back a young man- he would place them against the wall and speak quietly playing with their neckties (yes boys wore neckties). We knew something was not right but we never spoke of it.
"See something, Say something"
There was a teacher in my high school who took a liking to me. He taught social sciences, coached a team and was the attendance officer. He had a tiny little office with a door. He'd give me passes to get out of study hall to sit and talk to him in that little, dim office. He regaled me with tales of his world war 2 days, I remember. He seemed to really care about me.
I was vulnerable, a child who had been abused by my father. I had never told anyone about this. One afternoon, the dam burst for me and I told this trusted teacher about what had happened to me when I was younger. I cried. He comforted me. He took me out to dinner. There he told me about how his wife, who was a teacher in another school, and he had 'favorites'. I know I heard this but didn't understand he meant sexual favorites. But I 'froze' because I knew something was suddenly not right. He took me home and as I tried to get out of the car quickly he attempted to kiss me. He even called my home and I remember my mother telling him to stop, but she and I really didn't talk at all about the situation.
I remember the teacher who ran the study hall once questioned me about why I was leaving study hall so frequently. But she never stopped it.
One day, a few years later, I was acting in a city park and was getting ready for a performance when I saw this teacher coming across the field towards me. I turned and fled to the disgusting outhouse, in total fear. hiding.
Abuse builds on abuse.
3
I've seen this also, but the part about the wife being complicit is something new -- did the two of them act as a "team" to groom victims? That is just very troubling.
1
America elected some boasting of his sexual predation actions. He as much said he got involved with beauty contests so he could walk around the dressing rooms to see the unclad and partially clad women.
Everyone knew what trump has said and done, and voted for him anyway.
So, like it or not, sexual predation by rich and/or powerful men is acceptable to a large portion of the populace, as evidenced by the fact that it has been accepted for so long.
“When the President does it, that means it is not illegal.”
I worry about vague expressions like "sexual molestation" and "abuse" where we are not told "what" happened but only that "something bad" happened.
This is dangerous because society depends on a common understanding of what words and expressions mean.
If you say that Jack raped Jill, I know what you mean.
If you tell me that Jack asked Jill for a date four times even though she had said no the first time, I also know what you mean.
But if both these events fall under the SAME vague expression, then there is danger of confusion which can result either inignoring Jill's victimization, or of condemning Jack too harshly.
3
Not all victims of abuse are women. Catholic priests and foster-homes were found to be infamous abusers well before Strauss-Kahn and Weinstein were unmasked. In preventing abuse, only the civil courage of bystanders will ever make a difference. We must turn "everybody knew" into "somebody stopped it".
2
let's hope that "this time" (to borrow from louis prima) will "be the last time" for you and others (especially the powerful, media, law, industry, institutional and a-list interests) who would not speak out.
make no mistake and apply no sugar over the fundamental motive, that the advantage gained from silence was chosen, call it a "calculation," as lena dunham did on these pages some weeks ago, that the advantage of silence was worth the pain and suffering of those who were abused.
if the culture is to change, more will come from time spent on what amounts to a "conspiracy of inaction" than repeated recitations of the creepy behavior of creeps.
the most famous model for speaking remains that of pastor martin niemoller: "When the Nazis came for the communists/I remained silent/I was not a
communist/When they locked up the social democrats/I remained silent/I was not a social democrat/When they came for the trade unionists/I did not speak out/I was not a trade unionist/When they came for the Jews/I did not speak out/I was not a Jew..."
and so on until "When they came for me...there was no one left to speak out."
"they" did indeed come for niemoller, he was locked away in solitary confinement for seven years.
https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2017/11/06/sexism-on-americas-fr...
Fix the military first and may be the rest of society will follow.
The chain of command must be removed from all sexual assault (RAPE) and sexual harassment jurisdiction. Senator Gillibrand's Military Justice Improvement Act must be brought before the Senate and House immediately so that all sexual assault cases are placed in the hands of experienced military prosecutors . Commanders are not qualified to properly evaluate these difficult legal and psychological situations and commanders are extremely concerned how these sexual assault cases affect their promotion status . Furthermore a vast majority of commanders do not understand that rape is such a significant emotional event in a person's life and most want to know what the person was wearing at the time of the rape , instead of taking care of the victim . All the legislation and additional positions (victim advocates and sexual assault response coordinators) have been in general a waste of time because all of them are way junior in grade (enlisted and civilians) to the commanders who simply tell them to shut up and color if they disagree with the chain of command. Congress must understand that the chain of command (commanders) will simply make these people lives so terrible that they will quit or the commanders will ruin their careers if they attempt to counter man their decisions or authority .
2
Protecting yourself and others starts at home where children learn what is expected of them later in life based on how male father figures treat female mother figures and whether female mother figures tolerate demeaning or degrading treatment.
Likewise, children grow up to treat their children based on their parents treatment of THEM. We've heard of sons who defend their mothers from domestic abuse and violence from men - sadly it's usually because the mother won't stop it herself.
How is this related to sexual abuse? It boils down to self-esteem and knowing when something's wrong in your own life.
Women and men - girls and boys - who are sexually harassed, abused, molested or worse are the first ones who must learn to speak up. Identify your abuser - whether teacher, priest, coach, boss, or uncle. Tell an authority figure - more than one - make it known and accept the consequences even if others doubt your truth.
The problem Leonhardt and his friends had was that no one knew for sure - all they had was "something was wrong." Of course there was nothing to write! There was no victim - there were only rumors.
Since not all parents are ideal role models, our schools ought to provide as early as 5th grade, a health class to inform what is inappropriate behavior and who to report it to. Businesses must do the same for new employees - including bosses and executives.
63 million US voters knew and did not think that sexual predation disqualified their candidate.
6
Insufficient Conservative ire, squeamishness and hand wringing over Trump's manifold gropings and infidelities as Conservatives look the other way with neither wink nor nod. The definition of a Conservative has unraveled (or been born again, if you will) to reveal a bunch of sanctimonious look-the-other-way rudderless greedy bigots with no interest in preserving the Constitution only grabbing largest piece of the American pie they can cram in their poke.
Leonhardt presents a prime example of "the Conspiracy of Inaction" by conspicuously omitting Bill Clinton from his list of offenders.
The politically and financially powerful offenders are ignored and therby encouraged to continue their abuse.
2
Now if you white people would fire all the racists, that would be doing something right. But you don’t. And you lie: next time you see something you’ll speak up? Nonsense. You and the times have yet to expose and denounce the racism of the odious Charles Murray, while you pamper him and his ilk by demanding that they be given an honorable platform to speak. Far from confronting the scourge of racism you ignore it or worse promote it.
Ok David, let's look at history. There is a bit of truth in what you say but you also leave out a lot.
1-Pre 1980, sexual crimes at work were de facto legal.
2-It all changed after 1980 when women and others had real redress in court and took advantage of it. I was witness to plenty of cases at my place of employment.
3-What happened though was a transfer of power from the predator to the extreme feminists and their enablers and co dependents.
4-At the very top, as you mention predators were usually still protected but below that level to the very bottom the man was guilty if accused, no questions
asked.
5-Women were were victimized during this period were not free from enabling either. While many brave women fought back, some brought it up 30 yrs. later, only complained when the promotions stopped or worse initiated the "sexual abuse". Hell will freeze over when the NY Times covers this topic.
Bottom line, don't give in to the extremes, i.e. the predators or the extreme feminists who hate men. It should not be a witch hunt neither an environment where women suffer sexual abuse with no recourse.
2
As long as men continue to have wildly disproportionate power in business, politics and finance sexual abuse and harassment of women will continue to be tolerated and covered up.
54
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“No wonder that the ego so often fails in its task. Its three tyrannical masters are the external world, the superego and the id.”
Freud 1933 New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis
1
Let me share the truth about sexual harassment;
The only women who are truly protected from sexual harassment are those that can afford to lose their jobs and/or the hope of advancement.
The only option of silence has absolutely nothing to do with the strength of character, courage. It's about paying the bills and putting food on the table. to the character or
3
You will notice...in the most egregious cases...what do these sexual predator cases have in common?
Bill Clinton
Mark Halperin
Harvey Weinstein
Anthony Weiner
Bill Cosby
James Toback
Kevin Spacey
They are all Liberals. Wait a minute...aren't these the folks who are supposed to be sensitive...educated...and respectful of women? Isn't is supposed to be Republicans who are disrespectful of the fairer sex?
Unfortunately, Liberalism hides some deep secrets--and it's not just about sexual harassment. There are also issues with racism. You won't find a more racist person on the planet, than a San Francisco, or NY Liberal--who lives in secure buildings, or behind locked security gates.
2
There are several conflicting ideas in the discussions about the sexism recently discovered in this country. First, it’s been happening in the world with the same intensity as is now belatedly being revealed in the United States.
Second: Racism and sexism are the “heads and tails” of the same coin—one will not be solved without solving the other. If that is too hard to accept, then this wave of sexists revelations will be swept back under the rug where racism dwells uncovered.
Third: there has been too much equating sexism in the everyday world with what goes on behind prison walls. While sexual behavior in prison may be a demonstration of power, it also includes sexual gratification. The sexism outside of prison may be a small demonstration of power but the majority of it is the anticipation of sexual gratification.
The powerful men who’ve been exposed as sexual predators are all very unattractive men while those who’ve come forth to complain are very, very beautiful women. Even as men are publicly expressing disgust, there is also a bit of private “understanding” of the “predators” desires. Those men are the legislators and potential jury members.
If both problems can’t be seen occupying the same terrain, neither will be solved.
1
Why did Hollywood work so hard to prevent the release in regular distribution channels of An Open Secret, the powerful 2014 documentary about pedophiles and child actors in Hollywood? Even now the film could only get out via Vimeo, with no publicity.
https://vimeo.com/142444429
WHY? Can someone at the Times Tell Us? Why is the film not available on Netflix or Comcast?
Brooks Barnes please tell this story of why Hollywood blocked and continues to block distribution of An Open Secret.
1
During the 2016 presidential campaign candidate Trump admitted to being a sexual offender and bragged about sexually assaulting many women over many years. He then went on to receive over 40% of all women’s votes in that election. Given that nearly half of women are willing to overlook sexual assault when it suits them I’m not quite sure what we can expect from society in general.
2
Do take a look at HORACE MANN TODAY, Mr Leonhardt. - The present administration, faced up to and acknowledged the prior abuses, offered compensation and counseling to victims, and in addition to intensive new teacher vetting and screening, has introduced enlightened classwork
discussions of respect for others whatever their gender or sexual preference and provided avenues under their honor code to encourage reporting violations.
1
In high school, you would have been shut down. My school, Archbishop Keough, is the subject of The Keepers. That was my year book in those black and white photos. The Archdiocese of Baltimore knew. And they did nothing. Things have got to change so I continue to be #KeoughStrong
3
The truth is that the writer, at the time of this horrible abuse, was a child himself. While it is good to ponder lessons for the future, it was not his job to call out the misconduct of those in power at the school. This was an adult problem, and adults were responsible for solving it. The writer is very hard on himself; he needed protection and should not have been in the position of protector. Countless adults failed him and his schoolmates. The other issue is this: what if his paper did write about it? What were the chances the story would have been killed by one of those adults?
1
It has always been somewhat true that if you check the right boxes, project a certain image, pay tithe to the right people, the rules do not apply to you.
Like everything else, that divide became more pronounced as political beliefs became a quasi religious doctrine complete with hysterical prognostications of heaven and hell and whose 'truths' were universal and unquestioned.
Harvey Weinstein was the latest perfect storm of a long history of abuse in the entertainment industry combined with money and political power covered by so called progressive politics. But, just like the evangelical preachers with their mega churches caught in leather bars, there will be more.
Resisting excessive faith in belief systems and institutions is the only way to short circuit the cover ups.
1
A lot of abuse will still go unreported because there are still too many white baby-boomer males in positions of power. The cost of reporting is just too great for people in a horrible job market. Furthermore, the GOP is still allowing Trump to remain in office despite the fact that it has a capable VP in Pence. Whether you like his politics or not, Pence can serve as president without embarrassing himself. So why hasn't Trump been removed for sexual abuse? What does this show the country and the world?
Wow. Progressives are sexual predators too. Who'd a thunk it?
Certainly not the management at NYT. Or its readership.
2
How ignorant! Do you imagine leftists want to protect such people? Of course not!
1
People knew.
And most people did not know. Some suspected, some heard rumors. But unless someone had first hand knowledge, or a first hand report, there were only rumors. Are we suggesting that people should expose rumors? Write about rumors? File formal complaints about whispers?
The people who had the responsibility were people who actually knew something, Adults who heard victim's stories, the Administration which received multiple complaints, parents, counselors.
We have this concept of "institutional conspiracy" in which we say everybody knew. But everyone did not know. They suspected, they heard rumors, they wondered. But wondering doesn't give us permission to write about it in the school newspaper, to accuse someone, to set up an investigation. That is called a witch hunt, and if we are not sure what I mean reference the McMartin Preschool.
That is why laws focus on making certain people legally responsible to report, and give leeway to the reporter to work on something less than direct witness. And this is why we prosecute legal reporters who fail to protect, rather than persecute those who are not reporters for being expected to "know" what is going on.
1
II guarantee, whenever it did reach higher levels of power, the only thing those people cared about was how such a scandal might affect the bottom line.
For all the shrieking by people who are anti-faith, nothing gets people treating each other badly, even killing each other, like money.
Blah, blah, blah. There's no more eye-opening happenstance than watching the rats scurry to their new hiding places once their old, secure haunts are exposed. So the high priests of hypocrisy that have been lecturing the rest of us for years now claim the moral high ground? Well. This latest example of the utter moral corruption of leftwing outlets - hollywood, the academy and mainstream "journalism" - only reinforces the point: we vote against any of their candidates, oppose any of their policies and stick our thumbs in their eyes every chance we get. We will do our part, as we did in November. Your restive and animated insurgents will do their part. You created them and they can't help themselves. We'll help them though. And they will help us rid elective offices of every limousine liberal. A joyous time of year.
Me too
http://arguably.bangordailynews.com/2014/04/04/people/pray-for-me-a-woma...
Coverup of sexual abuse and harassment in American society?
The problem of sexual abuse and harassment is just the foundation of human group dynamic which goes back centuries into antiquity. At the foundation of group behavior you have power which operates with such impunity that bodies are violated, people are sexually abused, tortured, killed, ostracized, exiled. And improving on human group dynamic, raising society above these type of atrocities, is something of an illusion, just a precarious step up on the ladder. Sure, the worst atrocities, direct handling of the human body, might be overcome, but there sure is any number of strategies of manipulating people's minds, punishing them for thinking differently.
The problem cannot be comprehended until we take the totality of society and understand it in something of mechanistic fashion. Society is like an accordion which when in closed, compressed state is equivalent to power pressing directly on human bodies, and when in open state is still a system of vast control of mind if not operating directly on body. Actually I appear to have done incredible disservice to the poor musical instrument accordion here, because what I am describing is hardly music. Just the all too often ugly music of power which can probably be mocked by actually thrusting an accordion into its hands.
If I recollect accurately, I believe novelists such as Grass and Bulgakov play on these themes in their own way. It's a common music. A death march.
As we lift the very sheer veil from sex-related violence done by powerful men, the counter movement, led by our predator-in-chief, is aborning. Ed Sec De Voss is hard at work on college campuses protecting the rights of accused sex offenders by inhibiting investigation of incidents and redefining what sexual harassment and sexual abuse are.
Men in power are keeping a low profile at the moment. But power and the domination of the bodies of the less powerful will make its return, this time in the guise of protecting the falsely accused and limiting the definition of sex crimes to only the most violent instances of rape.
1
Shame on you. What kind of teenager wouldn’t speak out to help save his classmates? Because you were at a fancy school? Please don’t try to cleanse your soul with this piece.
2
A tip for the future: follow the jokes. People make jokes about what makes them uncomfortable; they make jokes as social warning. Jokes are a way of talking about something with reduced risk (you can always say "only joking"). If students are making jokes about a certain teacher, believe them. The same way you follow the money for certain types of crime, follow the jokes for this crime. Think about all the Weinstein jokes said in the years leading up to this moment.
1
Women don't go over their bosses head to report them because as you make very clear, no one cares and it destroys careers. You are difficult. You aren't a team player. So and so would never do something like that. HR no longer exists for the employee but to protect the company... and a million other reasons.
Women have adapted because they've been forced to to survive.
I can't speak for men and boys who are sexually harassed but I'm quite sure others here can. I can imagine there was time when just the stigma alone would have kept them silent.
56
In court unless you have first hand knowledge of an event, repeating a rumor is generally considered hearsay. Hence the problem of "knowing " but not acting. Conscience does make cowards of us all, said the Bard.
28
I've been fired from a restaurant job for turning down advances from an owner boss with three glasses of after work wine in her, and had to quit another at an antique shop because the sexually aggressive owner would drape herself around me to study what I was up to on the computer. The former was capped with an 8am phone call the next day that made it pretty clear, "You don't need to come in anymore - I was going to DO you last night!" Had she not made the courtesy call, I would have chocked up what I had read as a come-on to the booze and carried on, it was that trivial to me. The job loss made it very much less so.
The question then becomes: Can I be the only guy who's avoided an aggressive female boss and paid for it with my job - twice? And, how would we know?
In social relations let us not forget; if a man pushes himself on a woman it's rude and actionable, if a woman does it to a guy it's a helluva compliment. In like kind a woman who reports is a victim, the male equivalent is a tattle tale & a wus. As the glaring lack of articles concerning aggressive females in the workplace defies the statistics of large population samples. I'm waiting for the other shoe, a high heel, to drop.
8
Sexual harassment is wrong, regardless of the gender of the harasser. If you're not hearing about male victims and female perpetrators, it's likely because it's much less common--that doesn't mean it doesn't happen or is always ignored. Everyone needs to speak up more. It's not about sex, it's about power.
I work at a place where I know first hand that a very powerful person is a serial sexual harasser and a bully. I have reported it to every manager, the HR director, and the President and CEO of the company. Every person to whom I complained nodded sadly and agreed with me, and assured me that something would be done ASAP. Well, nothing happened. This vile piece of garbage wielded nearly unlimited power and harassed countless subordinates for over 8 years. He finally left for a new job, and the very same people who acknowledged his obvious, outrageous, sickening behaviour, had a lovely going away party for him. So that's why people don't report things, and they don't step up. The only reason I wasn't fired or worse was because I have a union to protect me.
136
Cases of administrators protecting their underlings who are bullies and predators are very common in this country.
1
Lets have some compassion for these observers; they are also victims of the abusers; they get to witness or suspect (and, actually 'know' deep inside). This can be distressing, confusing, shaming. etc .... not dissimilar to the experiences of the one being abused...
In abusing an individual, the abuser is impacting on the whole of the social network.
Do not scold them too easily.... The behaviour you describe here is of a bunch of folks who are being drawn into a process that they are not familiar with: they probably dont have the resources to deal with thngs in a way that you and I can see; being emotionally divorced from the situation.
I suggest that education is the key. Make it explicit to all: say clearly "this = abuse". and "This is what we should do if we see (or 'know') this..."
Support and educate; not condemn out of hand.
One thing that also needs to go are the payoffs to keep quiet. How many women has Trump paid off over the years? And how much have universities as well as businesses paid? Every trustee or board member who sees this money on a balance sheet should be asking questions!
11
I also think such payoffs should be against the law.
At CCNY in the 1960's, one teacher/writer was a known predator, he'd look up girls skirts sitting in the front row & 'date' them. This was then known as a sporting event & no one cared
3
me, too; same school...
19
Let's add a 7th category to the ANetliner NetLiner list: Depraved Indifference. It is long past time that ENABLERS be held accountable for their in-action.
5
The problem is that everybody is “protecting the institution,” instead of the people who make up that institution.
Oreskes found a formerly fast rising career (Albany & Washington bureau chiefs by his early 40s) suddenly sidetracked. It was a head scratcher when he decamped for the Paris Herald, usually an end of career sinecure (see Richard Stevenson, political editor in the 2012 election cycle).
Then he left the organization entirely, first for the AP, then NPR.
But Abramson, his subordinate in Washington, kept rising, al, the way to the top of the masthead.
Somebody short circuited Oreskes’ career at the Times, and only could have done so because of what he had done, those “rumors.” But whoever sidetracked him at the Times made sure that he was not rendered unhireable, as well, which did the women at his future employers no favors whatsoever.
Somehow, expert journalistic institutions continued to hire him despite the obvious red flags about his suddenly diminished career at the Times, and the due diligence before hiring him was, in a word, suspect. While employers fear lawsuits for blackballing, had he been fully investigated for his over the line actions at the Times, there would have been good reason for him not to have had the opportunity to creep out young women at NPR looking for career mentorship.
Like the Catholic Church & Horace Mann, the utmost institutional powers prefer to let people go away quietly, enabling them to continue their predations elsewhere. Awful.
14
I was abused as a child and it took decades of therapy and spiritual work to even be clear what happened to me. Is it possible that these personal issues might somehow become black holes in the social sphere? It reminds me of Kuhn's "Structure of Scientific Revolutions" So much data about abuse did not make sense until it connected to an understanding that this was pervasive. A trickle became a flood. It was as if a dam had broken. It was as if a blind spot had been revealed. I wonder if there are any other "blind spots" hiding greater knowlege in our collective consciousness?
6
I suspect this is coming more into the open because an admitted practitioner has become President. Watch what you wish for.
7
I saw Bill O'Reilly on tv not long too ago blaming God for his problems and boy did he look BAD. It almost made me wonder if maybe there was a God.
Unite and fight women!
6
I’m waiting for the public revelations about faculty harassment of undergraduates to begin. Knowledge of unwanted touching, kissing, fondling and worse is widespread. Yet generations of students have suffered in silence, recognizing that their tenure at university is at most four years; but the perpetrators are tenured for life. When confronted by an accusation from a 20 year old, who is the school going to believe? I think we all know the answer.
When I was a college junior, one of my professors sneaked up behind me and grabbed my breasts. I jabbed my elbows back and hit him in the solar plexus. I ran while he gasped for air. I never returned to class, did not even take the final. The professor called to ask why I hadn’t taken the exam. I told him that he knew why. He told me he could flunk me. I told him I knew that, and then hung up. In the end, I received a C. Despite that grade, I graduated Magna Cum Laude. That C was as hard earned as my many A’s.
I never reported the incident. Other students talked about professors propositioning them, grabbing them in even more sensitive places. None of us ever reported these creeps.
This has been happening on America’s college campuses for generations; maybe, just maybe, more young women will start to come forward and this open secret will be secret no more.
12
Something similar happened to me. A physics professor put his hands on me in his office. I had questions only he could answer and went back (with another student this time. For safety), but she cancelled on me at the last minute and he thought I was back for more, I guess. Instead of just running his hand up and down my back, he put his hand on the inside of my leg and ran it up my thigh. I jumped up and ran out of the office. I was Pre-Med and had to get an A in his class or my dream of being a physician was over. And I had gotten a C on the previous test. So I found another student who tutored me and I stayed in that creep’s class and I made an A. I found out he had done this to other students as well. In 1991 (spurred on by the abuse Anita Hill endured in the Senate) I reported the professor to Vanderbilt. And in 1994 I went back in person to confront him and tell him what an atrocious abuse of power it was (and report him to his department chair). But I had to wait from 1978 until 1994 to be sure he couldn’t hurt me again in some other way.
Why is it only Billy Bush paid the price by getting fired over the Access Hollywood interview and not Trump? Why didn't Trump pay a price for verbally abusing a physically handicapped reporter in front of a national audience? Or criticizing a war hero like Senator McCain?
Yes, having the courage to act on our anger and do something about physical or verbal abuse we see in the workplace is one thing. But I'm most angered by the behavior of a coarse and vile president and those in government who choose to look the other way.
9
This is just so fascinating -- and so hypocritical to the point of being delusional.
Our culture wallows in sex and in violence and, best of all, in sexual violence of one sort or another. Witness, as but one small example, the eternal popularity of TV shows like Law and Order SVU which can't get enough of displaying to their viewers who's being raped or who's being raped and murdered or what teenager, boy or girl, is being sexually abused.
We wallow in it, And then we express shock, SHOCK, that sexual abuse is way-too-rampant in our society.
But worse, is that we get so self-righteous, indignant and, frankly, uptight in our own voyeuristic titillation of these stories of sexual abuse that we can't even honestly confront the real problem. Which is us.
Am I wrong?
14
I think you may be wrong in attributing motives to all the people who watch Law and Order SVU. I'm a big fan of the show, and I'll tell you what my motivation is: as a victim of child abuse, I take great satisfaction in seeing the majority of abusers on the show being brought to justice. Even when abusers aren't convicted, victims often derive strength from the support of the SVU detectives and prosecutor. So for me, the show's appeal lies not in titillation but rather in the delivery of justice when possible.
2
In Trenton, NJ, 9 or 10 years ago, a sports therapist, an acquaintance of mine, was accused by three girls whom he had flunked in phys ed class, of molestation. They claimed he touched their genitals when administering therapy to them at various times during games.
It is possible that when working on their legs or knees, his elbow accidentally brushed against their private parts. He was never alone with them at any time.
Rather than face the prospect of losing a court battle, he chose to plead guilty. He was spared prison- none of the prosecutors thought he was guilty. But none thought he could win a court battle. He lost his means of supporting his family forever, and his life was ruined.
The burden of proof is always upon the accused in sexual abuse cases. When three adolescent girls accuse a teacher, no one will believe the teacher. But No age group or gender is exempt from human malice. We must always bear this in mind in these cases. What we do to increase the facility with which abuse can be arraigned may have serious consequences for innocent people. Caution, rational thinking and impartial investigation is never so important as in highly charged cases of sexual abuse.
58
Oh dear, 3 little girls who flunked PE banded together to accuse your acquaintance of molestation -- did it ever occur to you that they might have been flunked because they protested the abuse or refused to go along with it? Your naivety is breathtaking. You choose to believe an acquaintance with every reason to lie who says that "even the prosecutors thought he wasn't guilty" and that these same prosecutors were going to go ahead and prosecute him when they didn't even think he was guilty? And since when is it true that "no one will believe the teacher?" Your assumption about the innocence of your acquaintance is really stretching it.
1
So many of the men in news lately (e.g., Kevin Spacey) are accused, not convicted, yet they are already convicted in the court of public opinion and suffering professionally as a result. I don't excuse harassers or abusers, and have been a victim myself. But I wonder if we aren't rushing to judgment amidst all the current accusations, including some from very long ago.
Also--why are many of these men in so much trouble, losing their jobs etc., but meanwhile our President maintains that all those women who accused him are "liars," and nobody complains?
Chaperones.
If at a young age, biology was taught that the nature of the human animal, especially the male animal is towards sexual predatory behavior, as the male animal has for the most part been larger than the female from the beginning of time, and had its way with the female. Also, the human animal is tribal, and goes along to get along, and not to ruffle any feathers no matter how horrific or deadly what is happening around them. If this were not the case, there wouldn't of been Rwanda, the Holocaust, Stalin and Lenin, etc. across the world. Those at most fraternity and college parties would not allow bad things to happen to mostly females, and some males, and there wouldn't be hazing, often of a sexual nature. The Catholic Church wouldn't of allowed over 11,000 or more young boys to be molested by their own priests. The truth is that sex is the strongest drive there is in the human animal. Teaching that, plus all of the above at an early age in the home, and school, is the only way forward.
3
Want to stop sexual harassment? Make the culprit pay all legal costs, and not the employer, for the offensive behavior if found guilty in a court of law. This will stop a great deal this nasty behavior very fast. The dean of UC Berkeley just published an article in the sacbee arguing this point.
7
I think it's an even bigger problem than sex abuse. (not to diminish that) But employers (schools, corporations and other institutions) need to stop tolerating employees who denigrate, manipulate and harass others (sexually or non sexually) no matter how well connected they are or how high a performer. The harassers sexual harassers are often those with storied histories of bullying. Right now workplace bullying is perfectly legal in the U.S. This sets the stage for all sorts of sordid individuals who want to abuse their power in myriad ways.
9
A most important reminder that our inaction may be akin to complicity in denying justice for women that were raped. I understand there are thousands of formal complaints accumulating dust at police quarters, supposedly for lack of personnel and money, a lame excuse for what our macho society deems just 'business as usual'. Shame on us, as long as our will to speak up remains dormant; and our courage sits idle.
4
Make that two conspiracies of inaction. You forgot the Catholic Church. I was molested by a Catholic Brother when I was in the Seminary. Everyone knew because most of the others were molested by the same Brother. He was, eventually reassigned, to someplace with other boys, I imagine. There might have been justifiable outrage if anyone came forward but you just didn't then. About the only payback I could manage was that I don't spell catholic brother with capital letters anymore. They don't deserve it.
55
I'm so sorry about your being abused within "The Church". I believe it's the same dynamic in any abuse in that usually the victim is threatened that everyone will know they're a bad person if they "tell'. The abuser usually sends the victim away terrified and afraid for what will happen next. So when you ask yourself why these women don't come forward until one does and then the floodgate opens, think about it. They are afraid of being dragged through the mud in court and in the court of public opinion. Their concerns are valid.
1
Can you report the "Brother" now - or rereport him? Even if he is no longer around?
1
Thank you for your firm stand, Mr. Leonhardt.
When people do speak up, the perpetrator is often protected, even praised, while the victims are often maligned. A local case comes to mind, where the judge in an underage molestation case got all choked up sentencing the molester, because he was a religious leader in his community. It stung to realize that the dominant culture valued an immoral man over innocent children.
Just a couple of days ago a guy I consider a friend made a rather snide joke that my success in lobbying for liberal causes would rest on my ability to "seduce" stakeholders. Always a slap in the face to realize that no matter how much education you pursue (we're both in grad school) and how high you try to climb the ladder, someone will almost certainly be there to knock you down a few notches.
Where does this end?
4
The writer likes journalists. I do not. I think they sanctimonious, particularly this one.
Yes they have power. But that power is often abused. The primary newspaper in Moscow is called "Pravda" which means truth in Russian. Yet truth is never easy to achieve.
Looking back, there are many rumors that remained rumors. Rumors about John Kennedy and Robert, and potential liaisons with Marilyn Monroe, rumors about Ted Kennedy and Chappaquiddick. We will never know the FULL truth on these issues.
In the sciences, people are circumspect. They admit when the evidence is weak.
Not so for journalists. They publish the latest opinion on Harvey Weinstein, even when it is joke told by a late night comic.
Most likely Harvey Weinstein is guilty of SOME of what he has been charged with. Yet it strains credulity when so many people pile on, once the first charge is filed.
Journalists have forgotten that our forefathers fought hard for due process, the presumption of innocence until proven guilty. They fought because they saw the abuse of authority by monarchs in England, who in one decade confiscated the property of Catholics and the next burned non-Catholics at the stake.
This was done with the help of trial which were rigged in advance.
Feminists destroyed Bill Cosby BEFORE his trial. Do they fathom what they have sacrificed in their furtherance of "ends which justify the means"?
Perhaps we are giving up some freedoms we will sorely miss in the future.
3
As the national temperature rises regarding sexual harassment and rape, there's an ever-present danger that zealous administrators and others charged with investigations and procedures will abandon fairness to show they are "getting tough." False allegations, an issue generally ignored in comments such as this one, do happen. They can lead to loss of employment, reputation, finances. Witch hunts and star-chamber proceedings happen, especially when a tidal wave of allegations creates excessive fear, anger and a desire for retribution. Fundamental fairness must be provided to all parties in these disputes. Guidelines and policies must spell out the specific due process rights available to accuser and accused. A mob mentality will not provide justice. With so many accusers finally coming forward, chances increase that some false allegations will be made to gain attention, to unjustifiably try to "get even." Let's not replace fairness with a lynching party.
8
Sexual harassment was supposed to be a tool for blocking Clarence Thomas from the Supreme Court and electing Bill Clinton in the Year of the Woman, not a reason for impeaching President Clinton. Similarly, sexual harassment charges were supposed to be a weapon to keep Donald Trump out of the White House, not to undermine the power of the Clintons' friend and Hollywood's leading virtue-signaller, Harvey Weinstein.
1
Yes, sexual harassment is just a left-wing plot, not something my physics professor did to me in college (and countless other men at other stages of my life). It’s all something I imagined to damage good conservative men.
Well said. By the way, here is a link to the case study of the abuse at Horace Mann, reported and written by the Horace Mann Action Coalition: http://makingschoolsafe.com/
2
Horrific, sad and expected. When the Catholic church was robustly being investigated and scorned for its own history of sexual abuse, I was disappointed and angry; at the same time, I thought that such revelations would be the tip of the iceberg...why only the church...impossible. What next? Of course, Hollywood, but also innumerable private schools, colleges, yeshivas, madrassas, youth sports, the US Congress, summer camps... The list will eventually be dizzying. The unspoken awareness and the extent of the cover-up at all of these places is predictable as it is part of the evil and nefariousness of such acts, which are both betrayals of trust and human decency, acts of violence, and consciously oppressive abuses of power.
4
30 years ago, my college knew about a pack out of control men. When as a resident assistant I called for help, the campus police told me it was my job to deal with them. I learned later that they were fed up with dealing with this group. Being a good doobie, I believed them and walked right into a dangerous situation. My college let me down, and I did not forget it.
Fast forward 30 years, and I learn of sexual harassment of students. I do what I can but I agonize because my system doesn’t let me remove the culprit immediately. I have to wait for him to do it again, and then I can act. Because apparently he has the right to be told not to be a lech before he can be disciplined. It’s all over now but our systems seem designed to protect these abusers.
This behavior we are hearing about is horrifyingly common, a ubiquitous, distorted expression of masculinity. And it damages people. I have not forgotten the damage.
75
Working in a large publishing organization, I watched and experienced subtle sexism every single day. But the few times it was reported to HR, there was no action -- because the abusers were powerful, talented men and the accusers were lower-level subordinates who could easily be replaced.
There's no solution to that situation: the organization will protect its health and profitability until it can't.
The obvious, overt sexual predations were also overlooked because the talented men were viewed as untouchable. I doubt things have changed much in the average large corporation.
44
This is a very sad summary of corporate America, as long as this environment exist,we can not expect victims to risk everything to come forward. The fear of no one believing you is terrifying . There has to be a credible witness or a few, the courage it takes to come forward is only held by a few. But the results of being without justice last for a life time and sometimes past on to generations.
Let’s be clear it is not just in corporate America, it is in government, churches,schools, not-fo-profit, any place where people take their power and use it for evil (majority of the time it is done by men but sometimes women too). IS THIS WHO WE ARE?
Two parts:
One, my late domestic partner (couldn't get married then) worked for a company where a woman made a complaint about someone he had worked under for a while. The company, notoriously male driven ignored her complaint by and large. They re positioned her to an even more isolated location where she was at much greater risk of whatever was being done to her by the same people. She quit shortly after. I prayed that she would find the guts to come swinging back with a lawsuit which she would have won, because there were already settled ageist issues with this company, but she just walked away. I have always hoped she was able to process her experience and was reasonably ok.
I worked for the State of NH and had a group of women turn on me in a horrific case of anti male discrimination. My supervisor did little to help me out, she had already fired her own shots at me by allowing ugly sexist comments (not directed at me, but which made me very uncomfortable). I quit, probably just before being fired and did sue. A settlement was reached. Six specific people were named as part of my suit, all were basically stalled in their career paths, not really much. I received a settlement that consisted of time added to my employment years making me eligible for retirement benefits, all to no avail as the state allowed the retirement system to basically collapse around all of us who earned those benefits.
Great column. If you suspect or know something, say something.
15
Interesting that you a male won your case. I am extremely doubtful the woman you criticized for walking away would have won hers. Women have been not believed for ever.
1
Thank u David! This is a wake up call for us parents!
When women allow assault on them, it is often rooted in their childhood.
Last year, my teenage girl attended an exclusive private school. A boy was taking pictures under girl skirts without them knowing during school for a period of 2 weeks. The girls noticed it but did not say anything, they were getting upset, some took videos of him taking the pictures. None of the girls dare to speak up. Until it happened in the classroom to my daughter. My daughter was furious. During lunch she shared what has happened to her and about 10 girls begin sharing their stories. My daughter asked the girls to report the issue, only 1 stepped in to go to the administration to report the issue. Worse yet, the school principle tried to intimidate my daughter that she is lying to silence her. I called the parents to advocate for their girls, none of the moms stepped in except one. The school cared more about their reputation than teaching kids a valuable lesson. Everyone was furious, but none stepped in. I fought the school for4 months.
This is an example where parents not a good role model for their girls.
This is an example of school leadership enabling boys to get away with an assault on the girls.
This is when girls later in life remain silent in a workplace and relationship even when they are abused!
Wake up parents! Be a role model advocate for your kids by actions.
81
Somehow a President was elected despite his taped, then made public comments about women??? That would lead me to believe that obviously many in our society and not troubled by this. I'm struggling to understand how, in Harvey Weinstein's case, certain victims who decided to remain silent but accept a payoff, would even do this. People with deep pockets know the power of paying off people and their ability to silence. I suppose one could say that while they know it wrong, the priority is still to advance one's career. I find them complicit in perpetuating the harassment and abuse. I don't like saying that, but I fail to understand how women don't come forward: especially in the little enclave of Tinsel Town where so many seemed to have been victimized by him.
8
Dawn, they didn't come forward because historically women are not believed when they report abuse or rape. I was in a cab the other day; the driver brought up Harvey Weinstein and said nothing he'd done had been "that bad." I told him women had reported being raped, and he said, "Oh no. No. I'd have to see evidence of that." His first impulse is to doubt the women, and insist on "evidence." The women Weinstein and others assaulted were well aware of this culture. It's also just plain horrendous to have to describe a sexual assault. You feel demeaned and embarrassed, no matter how sensitive the police are. Please don't perpetuate our cuiture's lack of respect for women by hanging any part of Harvey Weinstein's crimes on his victims. That is what you are doing, and it's almost as bad as the original assaults.
36
You don't understand how women don't come forward??? Against powerful men upon whom many are dependent for their livelihoods and therefore will not jeopardize their standing by supporting women who speak up? They instead denigrate the women, call them liars, or give the "boys will be boys" dismissal. When you know you're not going to be believed or taken seriously, or are actually going to be punished for reporting, you don't bother to report incidents. You know nothing will happen to the perp, but likely will happen to you. Depending on the degree of harassment, you ignore it, stay away from the perpetrator as much as possible, or find another job. The latter is not possible in many cases.
Nice attempt at blaming the victim. It will no longer work.
26
Weinstein preyed on young women starting out as actors. You should listen to some of their stories. Many times he started out in a 'fatherly' way, welcoming them to the Miramax 'family,' then moved to becoming more and more inappropriate. These are young women with NO power at all, being victimized by someone who could make or break their careers. And in some cases, he may have broken them by doing his thing, after which they left and never made a "big" movie or had a "big break." We have no idea how many careers he interrupted or thwarted. Calling them complicit is not helpful.
4
Conspiracy is not the correct word for collective inaction.
9
Yes it is.
The extreme actions and behavior of a few men have taken a life on of its own to become a mass campaign to disparage all men and manhood in general. The proposition that a sterilized antiseptic environment between men and women should be the norm and anything that even suggested otherwise is victimization has become its own purposed distortion for power, advantage, and leverage points.
Without a doubt, power can corrupt anyone and history is replete with examples. Yet, powers also attract those without power and who need that power to gain opportunities to advance. These individuals have been known to use every available option to try and influence and direct power holders and brokers to their advantage.
Just as all men are being cast into a lot together for the egregious acts of a minority so too its seem are women and journalist seizing upon even the mildest examples and even innocuous examples as leverage for their own social, economic, and political advantage.
Facts are one thing and accusations another. I would remind everyone that few if any of these men have been a convicted of a crime. Settlements are not just about the judicial economy and proportional remedies but about the difficulties of proving a case and not killing the golden goose that could pay those high dollars settlements. Very few martyrs can be found.
What solutions are realistically actionable and not remedies for a grand illusion is the question?
7
Where to start? #metoo a campaign to disparage men? It's simply laughable, this is about women's trauma, kept silent for decades, centuries; it has nothing to do with disparaging men. Proposing a sterilized antiepetic environment? Point to one person who has proposed that, an environment of respect and freedom from being harassed, yes. Please let's dramatize that to sterile; it's not as if the boys clubs, where they do not harass each other, are sterile and antiseptic, really it's doable. And that old canard, blaming or throwing shade on the women, it's not about their trauma, no it's about taking advantage of it. Oh please, listen, read, hear their stories, have a heart.
The vast majority of men voted for the serial sexual harasser for President: Donald Trump. This is NOT the behavior of a few men. It is the majority of men.
Using your phrase, "blazingly obvious" - we can easily find a blazingly obvious solution. A process is designated and publicized (mail slot, email, whatEVER) that automatically and confidentially tabulates complaints, with the alleged perp's name, and other details of time and place and physical distinguishing marks, or modes of operating, names of witnesses or other persons who were told at the time, etc. At some point, a threshold of - what? 3?- 4? - 5?, is crossed and an investigation begins. This is not rocket science, come on!
18
So, you're proposing one (or more?) "free" assaults or harassment? Pretty sure you wouldn't suggest this with any other crime. How about "one free holding up the 7-11" for starters?
Yes, everyone knows. But ask yourself this. Why are these same predators later rescued by others and given a job, sometimes even a better job? Just as with Donald Trump, there are no actual consequences, because society does not actually view it as a crime. Besides, these men are more than predators. They're warlords. They ask for loyalty from everyone they work with... men and women. Hence the conspiracy of silence. Just wait and watch how many of these high profile men are redeemed and given another chance. Perhaps, the companies and individuals who rescue them ought to be exposed, as well.
39
Thank you for this. Reading this I remember again what Woody Allen confessed regarding the fact that if someone had tried to come to him with information about Weinstein, he "wouldn't have been interested" - which was the perfect explanation of the typical response of powerful people to this kind of information - they just haven't been interested. But now the NYT and The New Yorker have placed the power in the hands of those who were previously powerless. And we are having this mighty reckoning.
You are right to point out that from here on out, refusing to listen, refusing to be interested when someone talks of being sexually harassed or assaulted, is just not an option. Here is another point when the Dalai Lama's words are so perfect: "IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO BE COMPASSIONATE. YOU MUST ACT."
Thank you David Leonhardt, thank you Jodi Kantor, Megan Twohey, and Ronan Farrow. And while we expand the ability of adults to come forward and share their experiences of sexual assault and harassment, we must not lose sight of how many more barriers and more fear there is blocking child victims from telling their stories. The work of Spotlight, for example, is far from over. There are public schools, private schools, boarding schools, "reform" schools, churches, cults like Scientology...so many horrendous examples of children being abused, as well as trafficked in sex slavery. This is only the beginning.
20
This is about the powerful preying on the vulnerable. It's closely connected to bullying. It's also about expressions of racism.
Those who say it's about human nature are correct, but the rule of law and social norms protect us against other natural impulses.
Those who inveigh against political correctness give license to those who insult and even assault other human beings. Maybe we could start there when we discuss what can be done.
15
Mr. Leonhardt is of course correct. But who among us is without original sin? The conspiracy of inaction pervades our entire culture. It's not just sexual harassment or abuse. It's not just the boss falsifying progress reports for his boss. It's not just the employees at Wells Fargo remaining silent in the face of massive fraud. It's not just mainstream Republicans refusing to join Corker when they know he's right. It's not just liberal arts colleges muffling dissent in the name of keeping conservative alumni contributions. It's ALL of those things. It's like air pollution. It's everywhere. Only recently, when many in the media begin talking about the meaning of the word "collusion," did I realize they were caught in their own conspiracy of inaction and had no idea how to get out of it. How do they get from the word "collusion" to what the word really means, which is "treason," a word that nobody, apparently, wants to speak aloud. Who will say, "We are avoiding the truth, all of us," and risk the wrath of the American government? I ask myself, if I were a reporter today, instead of the one I was a long time ago, would I have the courage? I'm not sure I know.
7
Boys have to be taught at a young age that girls and women are people too, just like them. For too long we have been seen as lesser human beings, created for men's pleasure and to be only wives and mothers. Yet girls and women have aspirations just like boys and men - to become a super athlete, a scientist, doctor, or even President. Keep your hands off and treat us as equals.
11
Women don’t speak up because it tends to be futile for them. Men don’t speak up because they think it’s no big deal. It’s going to be hard to legislate the problem away. What we need is an education campaign in our schools, the form of public service announcements, even in our houses of worship.
8
Outrage and empathy are not enough, even though at this juncture, we may have reached a tipping point. Not only is "early childhood education" important for BOTH sexes, but schools need to have independent groups available for discrete reporting of incidences, which can then be quietly investigated outside the organizational structure by responsible authorities., and then dealt with appropriately. The recent example of Uber, while a corporate setting, is nevertheless very instructive because the Board saw to it that no less than former AG Eric Holder got involved, interviewed the relevant parties, purged several offenders and has now put a process in place to sanitize the company.
Academic institutions can make good use of their PTAs and Boards for this type of outside channel activity. The military would be wise to also emulate the example of "outside the chain of command" objective third party in order to make women feel safer and more comfortable in reporting incidences.
Gender abuse and harassment goes beyond the physical, because as women rise in corporate environments, they are often outnumbered by males and routinely subjected to isolation, marginalization, verbal ridicule, "pranks" and other types of behavior that singles them out for "special treatment".
Women in the US are still considered second class citizens. Look at Janet Yellen, the latest example of these attitudes, and the first Fed Chairman in modern times to NOT be re-appointed to a second term.
17
I feel like Hollywood and the media have turned a corner - one hopes it's permanent - and that sexual harassment will never again be accepted in these industries. What worries me are the workplaces and industries that don't have the built-in publicity machines of Hollywood and the media (where predators are automatically more visible): factories, small businesses. Car dealerships. Workplaces with 20 or 30 employees. Offices with 5 or 10 employees. How do you have multiple, accessible avenues of complaint at those places? A workplace that small doesn't even have an HR department. What if it's the owner or the CEO harassing you at a business with 5-10 employees? Who do you go to then?
11
Many small companies I have worked for lack anything resembling "HR" -- the boss hires you directly or a manager does. You get paid directly from a payroll clerk. There is NOBODY to complain to -- except the boss -- who is likely the one harassing you!
2
For thirty years in Riverdale , I thought that exposure would be the key to ending inappropriate behavior in our congregation. The same forces that allowed this conduct to go on so long are still in play. It's over two years later and no one is interested in the real story, i.e. how unwilling people are to realize that seemingly nice people you have a relationship with have a dangerous underside. It is so much easier to pretend all is well than to deal with the shock of betrayal and work on containment, prosecution and prevention. The outrageously benighted NY Statute of Limitations could not have been written better for the sake of abusers. How, year after year, a better bill never makes it to the NYS Senate is beyond me. Marci Hamilton of Cardozo Law School has written about the five constituencies that block reform. Among them are the Catholic Church, and insurance companies. It is truly time to clean house!
20
Any serious attempt to reduce sexual harassment and abuse depends on changing the culture described in this op-ed. As long as victims are stigmatized as partially responsible and accused of exaggerating the predators will continue to abuse. The silence of leaders, the prioritizing of protecting institutions are major factors in enabling abuse and harassment to continue. The mafia mentality that sees whistleblowers as traitors exists in religious, political and business worlds.
Hopefully we are witnessing the beginnings of change.
5
All of this is true. What does it say of us that we have elected one of them President?
27
And that we ignored every warning sign about his true character. When lying, cover-ups, and arrogance are the norm from our leaders, it’s up to us to say, just as we should do with anyone else abusing their power over the less powerful, “we will not stand for this.”
I truly hope that things will begin to change. But without changing the actual structure of power, it will only be a band aid. I was physically but not sexually, assaulted by my boss. I went to the HR Director (a woman) about it and she told me that my problem was that I wasn't enough of an alpha female and that I needed to change. In other words, I had to buy into the aggressive male power structure that had already turned her into an enabler for abusers. Getting to the top of one's profession seems to require aggression, intolerance, volcanic temper, lack of respect for almost everyone, rampant greed, killer instinct, and a sense of entitlement that is almost God-like in one's perception of one's place on this Earth. Women who buy into this package of characteristics become the shadow world of these brutes and they help sustain this really sick power structure. Aggressive lawyers, without any moral compass, keep these predators in business for decades and hush money, it's always money, silences the victims. In the US, violence and predatory behavior are enshrined in places like Wall St. and into the law itself. That we can finally see what has been hiding in plain sight for centuries, is a good sign, but it will keep going on until the structure that supports it crumbles.
23
Yes it is a conspiracy.
And I wonder how many members of the news media are also complicit
Surely a fair number of media elites with Vanity Fair, the New Yorker, The Post’s Page Six, and yes the NY Times had heard some rumors and chose to keep them quiet.
Elites themselves who ran in those circles, dated media stars, and maybe some politicians and had access to parties and the rumors.
And maybe rationalized to not think like a reporter.
To not investigate. To be complicit.
4
So, how should "we" (society at large) think about what can be done. I have no quarrel with calling out abusers in the here and now. But I think there is a deeper issue--namely, how do we deal with this developmentally? Clearly sex education in schools needs to address this, at length. But a stronger influence starts at home with how fathers treat their daughters and sons, and how they treat the children's mother. Fathers (obviously) need to encourage their daughters to do what they want to do (broadly speaking) and how they have the right to say "no" to any sexual partner. By the same token, they need to teach their sons to respect women. This is most forcefully taught by how they talk about and treat their partners. The kids see this every day. This is not rocket science. Its unfortunate that the President of the United States thinks that sexual abuse is okay, and says so publically. How anyone could vote for this man-child after his comments about women is surely part of the larger debate.
Everybody is on a “let’s be paranoid about sexual abuse “ bandwagon. Let’s not forget: you’re innocent until proven guilty in this country. A mere accusation of sexual abuse against a man makes him guilty in the eyes of most. Even if he’s proven innocent later on he’s still lost much from his reputation, social life, career and bank account. Please, take facts into account, not just your fears. Men are people too.
7
We have been protecting men for far too long. Its way past time women get some protection don't you think?
Fix the military first and maybe the rest of society will follow.
"After she told the authorities about the second rape"
The chain of command must be removed from all sexual assault (RAPE) and sexual harassment jurisdiction. Senator Gillibrand's Military Justice Improvement Act must be brought before the Senate and House immediately so that all sexual assault cases are placed in the hands of experienced military prosecutors . The Chain of command (commanders of all ranks) are not qualified to properly evaluate these difficult legal and psychological situations and commanders are extremely concerned how these sexual assault cases affect their promotion status . Furthermore a vast majority of commanders do not understand that rape is such a significant emotional event in a person's life and most want to know what the person was wearing at the time of the rape , instead of taking care of the victim . All the legislation and additional positions (victim advocates and sexual assault response coordinators) have been in general a waste of time because all of them are way junior in grade (enlisted and civilians) to the commanders who simply tell them to shut up and color if they disagree with the chain of command. Congress must understand that the chain of command (commanders) will simply make these people lives so terrible that they will quit or the commanders will ruin their careers if they attempt to counter man their decisions or authority .
13
A few thoughts on sexual harassment. First, one must obviously draw a sharp distinction between sexual assault/rape and the kind of bad behavior that falls short of that. The former are crimes warranting jail time. The latter involve lesser offenses that are nonetheless unacceptable and warrant outing followed by appropriate sanctions.
I believe that men who are accused of "creating a hostile work environment," for example, regard their own behavior toward women as benign flirtation or playful banter, and they honestly have trouble understanding why their targets aren't willing to join this game with alacrity and enthusiasm. The highest form of compliment that such men can pay a woman is that "she's a good sport" and "gives as good as she gets." It doesn't occur to them that the objects of their affection may not want to play the game, that they might choose to be "bad sports."
Now here's the question that clueless men of a certain age will next ask: Are you telling me that one can no longer compliment one's female cohorts in the workplace on their appearance, or make mildly suggestive jokes, without fear of being accused of sexual harassment? Yes, that's reality. Deal with it. Why try to tiptoe around the minefield? Just behave yourselves. It's really not that difficult.
29
I, too, have written about this topic (my having been sexually harassed) many decades after the actual event. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reporting-sexual-harassment-my-own-report.... I take some pride in having spoken out way back when. But, I still think I could and should have done more. And if I had, the wrongdoer might have been reprimanded at least.
I think the suggestions here are meek and weak (with apologies since your work is usually bold and deeply thoughtful). Creating avenues of reporting and then reporting is not enough. We need to change the culture in which we operate. We need to make it wrong for men and women to mistreat others and abuse power. We need punishment and/or discipline that meets the bad acts smack on. We need do more than speak; we need change.
By way of analogy, look at how the Houston Astros play who made pretend "Asian" eyes and uttered a racial slur was punished by MLB. Deferred suspension and money payment -- after the fact. Please, what about the need to link the wrong with the remedy?
Remembering anger is not enough. We can start by starting the long process toward changing culture. We did that with respect to smoking. Sexual harassment deserves no less.
8
Possibly it should be a felony to settle too many harassment suits against a given personality - say more than one a year or 5 in a decade. Possibly it should also be a felony to settle with a additional harassment lawsuits without allowing putting all accusers in contact with each other, and modifying the non-disclosure agreements to allow all accusers to "compare notes". Possibly, there should be a way to report harassment to governmental authorities with a clear understanding that there will be no consequences unless there have been multiple reports against a given accused.
2
All these personal commitments are fine, but we need a regularized system of anonymous reporting, outreach, and victim support to accompany our laws and legal remedies.
2
Thank you for writing this. Tough stuff to confront and we all need to...perhaps we will with the help of articles like yours.
3
There's another important ethical question here. If victims do not want to report incidents -- do you betray their identity or confidence and put them at risk of retaliation? HR is not on the employee's side and they certainly will not act on anonymous requests. I know-- I've been there. People are silent because they do not want to risk losing their livelihood, or worse, be blacklisted from the industry-- which I've seen happen to many women in the media industry.
5
DavidL - you asked "how to prevent future abuse."
Awareness, for one.
Impulse control, for another one.
And that's just for starters ... but BIG starters.
An in my observation, all highly unpopular notions. As it requires for a human being to do some 'inner work'. To be able to reflect upons ones actions and the effect and consequences they have on another human / animal / plant being.
As it requires of a human being to be able to discern. And to recognize that just because something CAN be done, it does not mean it ought to be or should be done.
What a novelty, isn't it.
There is very little impetus in current culture for 'impulse control'.... as apparently: More is better.
It is not.
My first job as a very young married woman in a consulting firm was lead by a scoundrel, as I realized after just a couple months there. I brought an incident to the attention to Mrs Scoundrel, who wanted to persuade me to stay on the firm, as she probably feared outer scandal.
I left her office - telling her of my resignation, effective immediately - stating if I were to continue working in that office, I could not live with myself as I'd be complicit with this abuse and shady business.
That's how you do it DavidL.
One pays attention, one musters courage, one does the right thing even if no-one is looking or handing out awards afterwards.
Just because Greed and Fear seems to 'rule the day' - it does NOT mean we have to abandon decency, right action, fortitude in the face of adversity.
4
Well, that's nice. If you had been, perhaps, a single mother who was her kids' sole support, I'm thinking that "just quitting" would have taken on a whole new meaning to you.
1
Oh - btw: I was the sole support. - Still: I resigned from that job - and found another shortly afterwards - a job where ethics and good conduct were respected.
I hope you'll be blessed with good and decent employment so that choice won't be placed in front of you. - best wishes -
Abuse is dark, ugly, and distasteful. People don't want to know, let alone admit that someone they respect and interact with constantly is capable of committing such atrocities. Doing something to stop an abuser requires two acts of courage. The victim must be brave enough to tell someone and that person must be brave enough to not only believe them but take action even if doing so might ruin their own life. There's a reason that predators make themselves so powerful.
When I visit my aunt in the assisted living facility she lives in there are signs everywhere reminding both visitors and employees that we are mandatory reporters when it comes to suspicion of elder abuse. The signs include a phone number and email address where the proper authorities can be contacted to conduct an investigation. Every school, church, and place of employment should have similar information posted so that predators know their actions will not go unpunished.
We can't change the past but we can ensure that going forward we do better. The abuse reports from schools, the boy scouts, and the Catholic Church should have been aha moments. Let's not let this moment fade from our collective memories because the subject makes us uncomfortable. Predators only win when good people stay quiet.
1
My state has that too, including "ombudsman" who are supposed to speak up for the rights of the elderly in nursing care.
I had occasion to call them -- not for sexual abuse -- but other types of abuse, including neglect, malnutrition, filth, bedbugs, poor nursing practices.
A very nice man came out and listened patiently to everything I said -- filled out tons of forms -- and then did absolutely nothing.
1
Thank you, David, for writing an honest, sensible article. Virtually every adult has experienced the "icky" feeling that something isn't right, whether in school, church, scouting, work site, or home. In addition to not knowing how to report possible abuse, most of us are reluctant to take action because we do not know the "what, why, and how" of sexual predators/harassers. We desperately need to understand these people and the patterns of their abuse so that we can better protect ourselves and others.
3
"In Hollywood, people talked about Weinstein and Kevin Spacey — not to mention Donald Trump, who nonetheless became a heavily promoted reality star."
It's rumored that Donald Trump, despite his inappropriate behavior, has elevated himself beyond reality television. But, I'd rather not talk about that.
2
With all of these revelations I've come to realize that the predators are empowered by the silence. Its amazing that the power is all looks and glances and nods and winks, looking the other way. People who try to speak up are silenced and labeled troublemakers. Enough.
4
Not to mention Penn State.... I am hopeful that the recent national focus and attention will help to bring about real change and really appreciate you thoughts on complicity those who knew and said nothing--perhaps most of us sharing the guilt of this at some point in our lives. It takes courage to stand up-- both then and now. And then I remember that many millions (77,000 too many) men and women vote for a man who they knew to be a serial abuser and allowed the electoral college to anoint him abuser in chief. I will never understand how even one woman voted for him. So clearly there is much to be done and every step forward counts.
3
Actually Trump got only 62 million votes. 3 Million less than Clinton.
While sexual harassment is in the public spotlight, all its dark corners should be examined: the abuses of women in power toward lower ranked males; males toward other males; females toward other females. And then there is the whole issue of people willing to trade sexual favors to curry favors and gain advantages. It is time to address this problem in its many guises, not just the part of it in current focus.
2
As a child abuse survivor. watching DJT get elected after his predatory behavior was broadcast all over the US felt very familiar - here we are again, excusing and denying predatory behavior. Let's not forget that some of these young women were teenagers. But these stories give me some hope. Maybe, finally, a majority of people will get how terribly damaging predatory behavior is, and maybe, finally, a majority of people will find the courage to speak up and STOP it. Abusers do not listen to reason or have empathy - so all those appeals don't work. They need to be stopped by facing legal consequences, period. So thank you, Mr. Leonhardt, for writing this column.
7
The channel to report workplace abuse in an organization is supposed to be HR. As most of us learn, though, HR won't protect an employee from retaliation in most cases; it will protect the organization, including the "star" employee who is committing the abuses. Any workplace that really wants to end this must have a trustworthy anonymous channel that compiles reports. One complaint, two complaints, three? If the complaints against one person are repeated by more than one employee, deal with it! And as for Hollywood, where creative people work as individuals, the agencies who colluded in the abuse by Weinstein and others should be pursued under civil RICO laws. And the Screen Actors' Guild needs to step up and actually protect the actresses and actors it claims to represent. If SAG won't, it's time for a new union that will.
4
I don't understand why not one student told their parents that they were abused or at least questioned is this teacher hitting on me normal. What parent would not respond?
I don't understand why any teacher or administrator would not say anything, do anything. Were they afraid of retaliation, losing their job or what.
This would not have happened in any school I attended without some serious repercussions against the offenders. It is like I lived in a different world. Strange!
Did you read the article? Some students did tell their parents. Some parents told administrators. Administrators tolerated the behavior and suppressed dissemination of information. This pattern flourished in schools, churches and other environments for many years and still does. Respectfully, it doesn't sound like you lived in a different world. It sounds like you don't have an accurate view of the world in which you lived.
Personal confessions of inaction will prove to be the most effective way to right this wrong in our society.
Thank you.
1
Fix the military first and may be the rest of society will follow.
"After she told the authorities about the second rape"
The chain of command must be removed from all sexual assault (RAPE) and sexual harassment jurisdiction. Senator Gillibrand's Military Justice Improvement Act must be brought before the Senate and House immediately so that all sexual assault cases are placed in the hands of experienced military prosecutors . The Chain of command (commanders of all ranks) are not qualified to properly evaluate these difficult legal and psychological situations and commanders are extremely concerned how these sexual assault cases affect their promotion status . Furthermore a vast majority of commanders do not understand that rape is such a significant emotional event in a person's life and most want to know what the person was wearing at the time of the rape , instead of taking care of the victim . All the legislation and additional positions (victim advocates and sexual assault response coordinators) have been in general a waste of time because all of them are way junior in grade (enlisted and civilians) to the commanders who simply tell them to shut up and color if they disagree with the chain of command. Congress must understand that the chain of command (commanders) will simply make these people lives so terrible that they will quit or the commanders will ruin their careers if they attempt to counter man their decisions or authority .
4
Bravo! Brilliantly written and completely on point.
1
Most people don't speak up because they feel powerless or will have to give up too much to come forward. Corporate America has some very powerful weapons to protect itself from its own abuses. They don't like class action, they create legal agreements to protect themselves. They don't like losing workers or ideas to the competition. Non disclosure agreements and the problem is solved. Sexual harassment complaints. A few dollars and agreements to never discuss the settlement. Nothing happened. So, perhaps women can begin the process of finally fighting back against corporate abuse of the workers. How about an agreement that, should you be subjected to sexual abuse or discrimination, the company has to fire the offenders without a golden parachute, give that money to the woman, and the whole thing is reported in the press and to the Equal Rights Commission. Fight fire with fire. In terms corporate America can relate to.
3
Great is the truth and it prevails -- that's the Horace Mann School motto. Unfortunately, it does not require the truth to prevail immediately, or that its delay will not cause pain and suffering.
People do not want to hear the worst in their leaders or celebrities or beloveds. And so the truth gets ignored, buried, deflected, obscured. I was at HM at probably was the height of Somary's debauchery, but we as students did not really know. He did not retire until 26 years after I had graduated. And even then, the school said nothing, though we should have taken the hint something was amiss since Horace Mann held no ceremony for him. So scores of musical alumni threw him a retirement party concert at Lincoln Center to perform under his baton one more time. Somary was on the faculty for 43 years.
Sexual abuse and harassment at work and school can only stop if we pledge that the truth is always great, and prevails from the start. Too many lives have been broken and damaged do otherwise.
2
I am one of the people who suffered as a child because of an open secret everyone kept. I was put up for adoption and adopted by a perpetrator. As an adult, I found out his entire family knew about him, including that he had thrown an older son through a plate glass window, and no one said anything to the social worker who asked about his fitness to adopt. Their fear was greater than their sense of protection to a four year old child. This is the price of secrets.
152
I am so sorry. As an adoptee myself, this breaks my heart.
1
I know a worse example; for complex psychological and economic reasoning, my best friend -- dying of stage 4 cancer -- left her then 6.5 year old daughter into the guardianship of her uncle....who had molested my friend when she was a child and teenager.
I could never completely understand this, but it was the case. It was openly known in the family, yet at the same time brushed off as a "childhood incident of no meaning".
Part of my friend's rationale was that her uncle was very wealthy and her child would therefore get "every privilege, including college funding" from this rich uncle.
As someone outside of the family, I was merely a helpless, horrified observer. However: some members, knowing what I knew, called and wrote me and told me "if you ever say anything, or go to Children's Protective Services....the entire family will band together and deny your statements, and tell them you are "insane"".
Barbara, I am so sorry about the lack of protection from people who should have protected you.i wish healing for you.
1
Thank you, David. A thoughtful piece reflecting the kind of thinking each of us should be doing. I am a 30 year consultant and trainer who tries to help organizations grapple with abusive behavior and harassment. Perhaps you will be pleased to learn that the subject of "bystander intervention," long a core part of sexual assault prevention on campuses, has come to the workplace. Increasingly we are bringing explicit and specific help to people of good will in American workplaces who sense or see a problem. We are providing menus of options, from a courageous direct approach to much safer, indirect approaches to interrupt, intervene, report or support the target of the problem. Most of us would never intentionally walk past someone in pain. By giving direct permission and teaching skills in the workplace, I hope we are inculcating the workplace with a sense of shared responsibility and shared vigilance. Policies and reporting options are important, but a helping hand and the capacity to influence in real time is as well.
4
Mr. Leonhardt, if you want a legal process for reporting and dealing with sexual harassment and abuse--especially in schools--it is called Title IX and it has been around since 1972. It has also been largely ignored until very, very recently (aside from the pseudo parity of men and women's sports also embedded in the rule) and is being gutted by the current administration (DeVos and Co) that wants the perpetrators of harassment, assault, and abuse to be "protected" from "unfair" accusation, at the cost of the victims of such actions.
I am sick of people--especially men--claiming that the abusive treatment of women and non-heteronormative people is hyped up and that all of us are over-reacting. I am glad that you realize now that you could have written about the abuse of children at Horace Mann when you were a young journalist, but I can tell you (as someone who grew up in the 1960s and 1970s) that what you describe at your school was actually rampant at ALL schools. Many male teachers felt entitled to prey on their adoring students, and it was SO EASY to do so. But only when female teachers engaged in such behavior was there an outcry.
The only way to stop this is for men to step up and tell other men to stop. Men hold the power in the world and they can take action. If they persist in pretending this is a storm in a teacup, there will likely be political and social consequences--because we women are just plain fed up.
154
And when do you call out all the false allegations and denounce the women who make them? The Duke Men's Lacrosse team coach was forced to step down because of a woman who falsely accused members of the team of rape. The University president canceled the season for the rest of the team because of a woman who falsely accused members of the team of rape. She never was arrested for making a false allegation of rape, never served a day in jail for the havoc and mayhem and destruction of lives she caused.
2
America elected a self-professed serial sexual predator to its highest office.
Republican voters still adore him. Legislators in his party continue to lie to voters about his proposed tax plan and billions in money shifted to billionaires, even the progressive ones who don't want new federal subsidies. Millions of GOP voters will lose Medical care. And they're cheering this man. Another mass shooting by a native son? Let's talk about the Wall. What makes anyone hopeful that, even with legislation passed, sexual predators will cease to prey on kids, women, anyone? Family of Grifters occupy the WH, the tapes were circulated, his daughter knows he bragged about her sex appeal, and Nazis feel empowered. The epidemic of prep school abuse was known to trustees and boards made up of the 'best people.' We need a revolution on so many levels.
100
The same can be said for mental illness leading to gun violence. After the Columbine high school massacre, my high school-aged children were brought into the auditorium at Rye Country Day School, where they were asked to report any observation of abnormal behavior on the part of a fellow student. My son said “we all looked at each other and thought of the same person.”
You are so right. We need to take back our lives and our country. It has been hijacked by people who have an agenda that is detrimental to our well being.
There needs to be changes to the laws. The effects of abuse can last a lifetime, especially when it occurs as a child, yet, incomprehensibly, the law cuts off the opportunity to seek justice with statutes of limitation-ask a victim if the pain vanished at the same time as the ability to obtain justice... The emotions are incredibly complex, the abuse can take years to unravel, and that's for the fortunate ones with access to help. Many spend years blaming themselves or trying to forget it and move on before they can see the perpetrator for who s/he is and the damage they caused. In many if not all these revelations it has been years-decades-before people came forward. Change the law.
19
Statutes of limitations play an important role is requiring people to come forward within a reasonable time so that people accused of crimes have the ability to gather and present evidence to defend themselves. As time passes, memories fade and change, witnesses die or otherwise become unavailable, and physical evidence disappears. The answer is not to reduce or eliminate statutes of limitations. The answer is to encourage people to come forward quickly so that their allegations can be heard and presented in court in a timely manner.
2
This argument overlooks the unique circumstances of childhood sexual abuse that militate against a statute of limitations. Children lack both the understanding of the egregiousness and illegality of their victimization. They also lack sophisticated understanding of the justice system and the statute of limitations. It may not be until much later in life that they realize -- through therapy or through learning that they were not the only victim -- that they even realize they have suffered harm. Finally, the consequences of not holding responsible the perpetrator of childhood sexual abuse are particularly heinous given the likelihood of repeated behavior. For all these reasons, on balance, childhood sexual abuse presents unique considerations warranting repeal of the statute of limitations.
Knowing is the same as not doing. All the criminals should be punished, but society first has to abolish statute of limitations laws when minors are involved. Ideally make this retroactive too.
30
You can't make a criminal statute retroactive. That would violate the prohibition against ex post facto laws in the Constitution.
2
my friend in Michigan had her parents hit,strike,hurt,and abuse her--the 21 yr. limit of reporting, made it impossible for St. Joseph MI men,powerful ones,to ever be punished for beating up,savaging,their own kids!!My friend is horribly ill from Cushings disease,and Lipodema, as a result, and cannot sue foe child abuse in Michigan.
I don't think changing s/l statutes would be unconstitutional. Presumably, a predator in the 1990's didn't commit his crime in the knowledge that after x-number of years he'd be home free.
It’s been pointed out before that the women’s rights movements are who brought to light and demanded change in domestic violence, rape and incest. Slowly but now more surely awareness and law enforcement have come around. They were not spoken of and often not believed and caused confusing psychological damage that rippled out through all society. The same is now is happening in the issue of workplace (including school and health care facility setting) sexual abuse and bullying. Awareness and law enforcement are starting to array themselves to fight this battle next. The vulnerable need mandated protection from the aggressive predators so far sanctioned by custom and society.
8
YOU WANT AN ANSWER,AND A CURE?WHEN women gang togetjher,and go after rapists and child sexual abusers, and use "the equilizer" on them,and make men VERY VERY SCARED OF WE WOMEN, and afraid of being hurt, then they might stop.I advocate, we women go after them,together,keep mum,and make those abusers very very HURT.VERY HURT.--THEN maybe men will be afraid enough to hesitate and stop abusing.--when we scare the s--- out of them.
If we women gang together, and work to make men,abusers,rapists, afraid of being hurt by us, then they will hesitate, not sooner.
Yes, people knew. And didn't come forward because the system of power would have resulted in firing, shunning, being blacklisted (this applied to men in lower positions as well). Now there are just enough women in power, that this is beginning to turn around. They had to be silent then; they don't now. This is inspiring men to come forward as well. But the power dynamic won't change in the workplace until there are more women in higher positions.
Schools have been addressing sexual abuse of power, but whether this will result in mechanisms of reporting that protect students over the reputations of schools remains to be seen. Colleges have a ways to go in that regard.
34
I find that I must respectfully disagree with the assertion that more women in higher positions in the workplace will change the power dynamic. The first rule of persons in charge is to protect the interests of the company -- from fortune 500's to religious organizations; from government agencies to colleges and universities. Having worked with women in boardrooms, and as managers, CEOs, clergy, physicians and therapists, and college presidents, it has been my experience that it is their roles, as well as what they judge to be at stake (i.e., their relative positions of power/prestige/dependence on the 'system') that drives women's actions, as well as men's. Biology is not synonymous with integrity, justice, or courage. The above-referenced roles for women have come at great cost, and they are painfully aware of the price that has been paid for their personal tickets of entry -- not unlike their male counterparts. Apotheosis of gender will not correct millennia of misogyny.
2
MEN are not going to fix this--we women have to moB and gang together, go after and seriously hurt the abusers--make them afraid of being VERY HURT--we women will have to do it ourselves,without men helping us,THAT IS IT.
It's hard to overlook the fact that your understanding of abuse is based on what happens in rarefied places. The promise to speak out is right-minded, but it is not even close to a solution for most harassed and abused women. Read Lizzy Ledbetter's account of her treatment on the factory floor, where everything was in the open and nobody cared. Most harassment occurs in the hospitality industry, large retail companies like Walmart, and the military. Speaking out is only a solution where it does some good. But in the places where harassment is most common, women have little stature and are expected to accept the mistreatment because it is perceived as the norm. What works at Horace Mann will not work on the factory floor. Nobody was sympathetic to Lizzy Ledbetter and the culture of her factory was so different from Horace Mann that they are worlds apart. What might work in an environment where harassment is secretive and a matter of shame will not work in places where harassment is out in the open and is the dominant culture.
83
Replying especially to Jzzy55, you did the right thing. It's a shame that you were ostracized for that. I hope that in the end you did not regret the fact that you saved a number of children from abusive treatment, even though you paid dearly for that. It will be necessary for more people to find the courage to do what you did. Perhaps if enough people find the fortitude to act courageously on behalf of victimized people, their examples will inspire others. It seems like the only way forward to me. We've got a long way to go, but the journey has started.
9
A good article but trying to get people to speak out despite the possibility of negative ramifications is speaking to a slim percentage of people. It needs to be personal. Everyone needs to consider that this can, and terrifyingly, is likely to happen to someone they know, and maybe to someone they love. If anyone really, truly considers this, how could they not think of how to most forcefully and expeditiously address this offense.
9
considering children, please include the FACT that many of these do not (or did NOT) tell anyone about the situation. Why? Is this a lack of knowledge about what boundaries are set by society or the family? Are they unaware?
This, too, is an area that needs to be more widely discussed.
2
It appears that most of us have finally been awakened to correct way to handle this. In the past we were all subjects of a culture that didn't come forward to report abuse. We often didn't even recognize some of the behavior as abuse. Some of the very things that are so obvious now were less obvious in the past...civil rights, gay rights, woman's equality, disabled rights, etc.
we, as a society are now struggling with where and when should the line have been drawn retroactively.
5
Great article. As a former prosecutor, there are a lot things communities can do. For one, support your local domestic violence shelters and victim support groups. These organizations can have a great effect on sending a message to law enforcement, prosecutors and judges that victims of rape and domestic violence will be listened to. As victim advocates they can be of great service to helping victims become stronger and ultimately testify at trial. I had a case where we lost on an evidentiary matter, but the victim was so grateful that we still made the effort to prosecute the case, because it made her feel empowered that the system listened to her and believed her. It also sends a message to the community that these type of crimes will be prosecuted.
28
I work in the field of trauma and know that the key...in cases of sexual harassment or assault...is to have exactly what you describe. People who are willing to listen, take the victim seriously and become what is called ‘competent protectors’. Outcomes are less important than an authority who does his or her best to advocate. What you describe is very true and extremely important.
2
I still don't understand what it means that "everyone knew" but no-one spoke out and you have thrown a lot of light on this subject. You are very brave to have written this article. People will say your silence was complicity. I see its a lot more complicated that that. Thanks.
3
I agree. In heirarchical situations, especially those where leaders are not only the ‘bosses’, but also representing higher-minded pursuits and values, it is very complicated to understand and undress the emperor. I believe however, that awareness is where we start. Then, like smoking, this kind of behavior will be shunned, not ignored. For victims, I believe there needs to be a place to tell their stories and be taken seriously. Alleged perpetrators need to be held accountable and made to tell their stories as well so that we can know their minds...not just that they are going to jail or fired. Perhaps then, we can know what and how to look for signs and speak out before things get out of hand.
1
Well, you certainly don't owe an apology for failing to fully register any feeling you had as a student that some actions weren't quite right; it's good that you can call up the uneasy feeling - often the first inkling that something is wrong, well before it is a thought. It's the feeling, which, when women are trained in self defense, they are told to address rather than suppress. It's our early warning system.
No excuses for adults.at Horace Mann. This was not harassment, it is sexual child abuse.
By the way, despite years of training and publicity, and formal laws, most stemming from a 1973 federal law, it is still hard to get PROFESSIONALS to report suspected abuse. There are virtually no instances of prosecution for failure to report - maybe that would change? I once had a doctor i knew( via family), usually very bold in his opinions, express his ambivalence about reporting an issue to CPS: obviously he did think there was a problem - it was on his mind - but was trying to rationalize not reporting
These sensational Hollywood examples of sexual abuse & harassment - because wi e value celebrities so much - might make a huge difference in leading people to report their own victimization without shame, and bring shame on the apologists and those who automatically blame the victim. It will never, ever convince abusers that THEY are wrong - so it takes all of the decent men and women to stop turning away, and report or act as witnesses to stop abuses.
14
In reading the Weinstein story, I didn't understand at first what they meant about "open secret" and than I remembered a science teacher in junior high where the girls whispered to each other not to go ever into the lab supply room with him alone. This was the early seventies when parents put teachers on a pedestal and didn't go marching into the schools defending their kids like they do today. It was a different time and I hope that wouldn't happen in a school today.
17
I however remember something a bit different from my mother. Yes, both my parent's were from "the greatest Generation" - raised to trust & accept anything coming from an "authority figure".
But I remember several occasions (once when I was in the 5th grade and later in early High School) when my mother
walked in to the school office and demanded they get off my back about an issue. And they did.
1
But it does happen in schools today; we read of teacher-predators in the news with terrible frequency.
WHEN I WAS IN college, there were so many male teachers(this was a community college) who took an "unwelcome interest" in me,I had to get very blunt about my back reactions--other wise plenty of male teachers and professors think they have the right to harrass you,and then give you a lesser grade when you do not go along with them--shall we talk about how honorable dads and males in families rape women in families??PLENTY!!!UNCLES.DADS, GRANDPAS, FRIENDS OF DAD!!!
1
We "know" lots of things if only because we listen to our instinct. As children we have our instinctive reactions denied as part of the civilization training and we learn to ignore it (girls, especially, in my mind). Instinctual distrust is hard to verbalize and you can't defend it in a court of law, but it is an excellent defensive mechanism. I finally tuned into my instincts once I had kids--life became too primal and visceral to ignore this very accurate assessment tool that seemed right more often than it was wrong. Since then, I realize how much of personal safety is based on being alert to what your instinct is telling you and taking action.
That sense of "knowing" something not based on evidence or fact is that preverbal instinct screaming at you. Listen, listen, listen. It is a lost skill that we need so badly surrounded by predators at home, at work, on the phone, or in a store. Maybe you can't turn your gut feelings into a story or a lawsuit, but that doesn't make it less real. We don't have to be rational with our responses when there are so many irrational dangers looking to exploit us.
18
You are so right here. We are all hard-wired for instinctual awareness, and then told it’s not polite or okay to be disrespectful if those whom we have put in positions of authority.
I work with horses and veterans and others who have been through a lot in their lives. We show our clients how horses, as prey animals, never override their instincts, and help the men and women we serve to bring that direct knowing back online. It works on many levels, to help them become more present and to trust themselves again.
2
Thank you for your courage in writing this, Mr. Leohardt. Predators depend on the complexity of the situation your describe. A power structure that depends on our desperate need for jobs, for degrees, for survival. Predators thrive on all of our silence and fear. Only together can we become enough voices to permanently alter that toxic, self-reinforcing structure. After witnessing the horror of the predator in the White House, I believe all of us who are sane individuals have had enough. That's part of why the Weinstein "flood" has staying power. The time is now.
8
MALES WHO ARE powerful in families,.are often worst of all--they have no protests from wives,and girls or boys,cannot stop them--they have absolute power.your neighbors won't believe you--or help a kid who cries for help--if you run away,other people refuse to listen to an accusing child,they send you right back to the abusers--I speak from experience.we have an epidemic of child sexual molestation from males in families,its one in every 3 girls--how high the rate is.every girl you know,almost.
1
thank you anyways, thank you by now, by today. consider upending statistics with the mere idea there are kindergartens, elementary schools, middle schools and, sure, high schools, all over the country. Violation of children for the gratification of persons complex and unfamiliar and whom will remain unknown even if they are interviewed by 20/20 or the like, is pervasive. I'm not sure why people do not recognize this happening within families of all classes, in all races, in all religions. Consider being nine years old and that particular mountain of wrongness leaning on your shoulder.
I used to want to save the world and particularly I had wanted to provide safe home environs for abused children. Let's carte blanche the gamut of abuse, is what I'd thought at the time, because too many kids were dying after being returned from a system of care to their home(s).
My inspiration was experience in a middle class upbringing. 2nd marriage for both; ten years apart; my mom looked really young at 19. There's what we call estrangement now of siblings, a kind of fever of belief and disbelief; or, here's one: a generation not born when when was WHEN, had a father (now dead) who never believed my sister and I, therefore, our father didn't do it.
That is what's pervasive, a kind of non-mysterious kernel for bullying. One person's opinion invalidates someone else. That is the mountain.
3
As long as there are “more powerful”and “less powerful”, this behavior will continue. The less powerful are expendable, not valued, unnecessary. The more powerful are, in contrast, required for functioning, and have some needed expertise, money, or connection. As long as prestigious schools with powerful connections have access to parents with money (and perhaps the parents are abusers as well), there will be prey for the wayward staff. As long as the abuser has some connection, expertise, value, the organization will defend them over the accuser, whether it be in large ways (tolerating criminal behavior) or small (tolerating bad behavior).
The solution to this is for our entire culture to take the time to discover that everyone - the administrative assistant, the intern, the student, people who are in need - is vital to the success of the whole, and to do what is right over doing what will cost the least. I don’t have much hope this will happen anytime soon, but we may be at a beginning, perhaps.
44
Yes, you are so right. That is the essence of a functioning society. Countries that recognise that it is inherent to humans that we are just that: We make mistakes, we will be amoral if can get away with it, but with incentives we can be guided to be kind to one another. Those incentives are laws and regulations that discourage the abuse of power and money, that protect the powerless. Those incentives are paid for by taxes. All are taxed commensurate to their income. Most other 1st world countries do that. More or less. America has a moral skewed by Puritanism and the Wild West. It will eventually grow up. I don’t think that will happen in my lifetime though.
WOMEN HAVE TO GET VERY VERY ANGRY, AND BECOME VIOLENT THEMSELVES---I AM NOT JOKING--men don't attack other men,from fear of getting hurt--its time for we women to make them afraid of us, too.--very very afraid.
1
There is a defect in the abuser that hopefully must of us cannot understand and, therefore, most of us cannot be certain that it is curable. But playing the treatment card as have Messrs Weinstein and Spacey is a way for offenders to exit and exiting is a reasonable outcome as long as jail time is not warranted. But if recognition of the existence of the problem and prevention of it are the goals, we need to understand why some of us feel this need for physical dominance in order to find ways to subvert it before its effects become harmful.
13
The idea that there is a "defect" in the abuser contributes directly to the problem. The defect is in our entire culture. And we all need to examine our role in it, even if it is uncomfortable.
5
Girls also have to truly learn from a young age what is and is not ok - and I do not just mean the extreme stuff. When I was a 19 year old nurses' aid, a male full-time employee (an x-ray tech, probably in his 40s) bothered me for months. He would grab my hand in a stairwell and kiss up my arm; grab my hand in the hall way and kiss it. I dreaded the sight of him coming toward me. One day, as he passed behind me between me and the wall (I was standing behind nurses who were sitting - we were hearing the report for our shift), he kissed me on the back of the neck. I reflexively rammed my elbow into his midsection. He didn't bother me again.
The thing is that I thought at the time that I was the problem. I thought that I was supposed to like his "attention" and just laugh it off. I was ashamed that it bothered me because I thought that that meant that there was something wrong with me, that I wasn't sophisticated enough to enjoy the "attention." It wasn't until years later that I began to understand that I was not the problem.
More extreme abuse (genital touching, penetration) are horrible. Bosses harassing employees and demanding sexual favors are clearly unacceptable and illegal. Still, there are many levels of harassment. Girls/women must understand that it is all of a piece, all a continuum. Men must be taught that none of it is acceptable.
219
I have known many women since childhood. Mother, wife, daughters, friends, schoolmates, some very meek and timid. Not a one would have allowed someone to remotely believe what you described as reoccurring behavior to go unchecked, on the spot, if unwelcome.
I don't want to sound unfeeling about how you have revisited and recast those situations but it stretches credibility to believe you were powerless or unaware as you have described and felt when in fact revealed later in your telling of that event/s you were not.
People are not minded readers and not perfect individuals. Men can and have misread body language, actions, and words from women. I know I have. I never even though of touching them at all but I did make suggestions which, to my hurt feelings and embarrassment, where rejected. My life went on and so did theirs. Let's not devolve this needed discussion into all women being Rebeccas of Sunnybrook Farm living in a world surrounded by criminal predators.
1
We need to help our daughters find their voices. It is ALWAYS OK to tell someone that whatever they are doing makes you feel uncomfortable. Even if it is your boss.
More importantly though, we need to teach our daughters to trust their guts, their feelings. If a situation, person or action doesn't feel"OK," it ISN'T!!! Everyone has survival instincts. Listen to yours. Those instincts will rarely lead you astray.
We don't socialize our daughters to be confident. We socialize them to be ever assessing their behavior, not the behavior of others. We socialize girls to become the literal definition of co-dependency. Then we tell them they aren't OK. We are responsible for the success/failure of relationships: intimate, friends, employer/employee, etc. We're raised to give "one more chance." Wer'e told a good woman can change a jerk into a good man, instead of "what you see is what you get."
Yes people change, with lots of hard work and on their own. Real lasting change does not occur at the request of others. Our culture's movies, TV shows, books, music all serve to reinforce these messages. It really concerns me when I see another teen woman who just HAS to have boyfriend or enough male interest directed her way.
My uncle & his wife were divorcing & separated & I would babysit for her. I was 14. My aunt told me one night to stay in school, go to college & make sure I could support myself because "you can't count on a man to do it." A radical notion in 1969...
1
you don't have to teach men--you have to get them very afraid of female reactions and reprisals--once they get VERY AFRAID OF ANGRY WOMEN, they will hesitate.
I recently retired after over 30 years in Human Resources which included stints at some large and well known Companies. Formal policies, ongoing training, confidential hot lines for reporting were in place in every instance, and management took seriously, and responded to any complaint. That being true, it is likely that there were and are still cases of harassment that go unreported. Why? Overt, "quid pro quo" harassment does occur, but in my experience, more often complaints involved remarks and behaviors that create a "hostile environment" which is determined by the feelings of the victim (when do certain remarks cross the line?). These are valid, real concerns, yet more challenging to prove. Secondly, there is the issue of due process which means investigation involving interviews of the parties and potential witnesses to get at the facts (feelings are real, but due process has to be about facts). These are confidential and include stern and serious warnings about non-retaliation, however, in the real world of organizational life, rumors are legion. These disrupt the workplace and put stress on the parties in the case and the organization. Policies, procedures, training, confidential reporting mechanisms, and management engagement are necessary and vital to take a serious institutional stand against harassment. However, the core issue is less intentional conspiracy and more one of character, morality, and respect of others. In the end prevention is personal.
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This should be a pick, but they haven't selected any ( yet). It explains in detail how a structure process for dealing with workplace harassment does work. A protocol - and the training and resources to deal with reports - has to be built. It requires support from on high, and enlisting the cooperation of workers, and especially an managerial or supervisory staff. In th end it does also require character -- but when a correct process is built in, and people know they can speak up, it is far more likely that behavior will be ]curtailed
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Excellent description. One-off events are usually the results of poor behavior or misunderstandings that have hurt people feelings and are easily corrected. You don't state it for a political reason given the tone of these current discussions but purposeful use of anti-harassment policies by certain individuals as leverage is also considered in any investigation.
Misuse of an anti-harassment policy is often a countercharged that is also used to distort, deflect, and deny real violations and protect important members of an organization and the organization itself from accountability.
Thanks for this perspective, Dan. Interesting post.
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Our culture is so steeped I'm male predation (#notallmen) that it simply isn't seen or processed as anything out of the ordinary, because, lets face it, it is terribly ordinary, this casual abuse of girls and woman (#yesallwomen) and also of men (#ithappenstoguystoo).
It is power. It is sexual, It is selfish and demeaning. It is every day.
And why is it not addressed? Cowardice. Fear - of not wanting to have the abuser turn his anger toward the one who speaks up, often a solitary voice - at least at first.. and possibly for a long long time. Because most people won't speak out alone; they want back-up, and why not?
Look how many dozens of women had to come forward in the Cosby case before anyone listened. But Milo speaking of touching a boy? Immediate rightful condemnation. Because homosexual.
Those who benefit from absuing others sexually continue because they are allowed to, and because of a boys cub (#notallmen). There is abuse at all levels, from the guys who stock the warehouse, to 4 star generals, to judges and doctors and lets not forget policemen.
Women and some men are now speaking out en masse about what we have endured and are enduring. In science this is called critical mass - the point reached right before an explosion. This explosion is well overdue.
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Thank goodness you didn't over generalize and paint all men as predators and all women as Rebbeca Of Sunnybrook Farm.
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Insightful words. There is also sibling abuse where one sibling victimizes another whether it is through unwanted advances, sexual teasing and overt seduction.
Parents need to protect their children and help both the victim and perpetrator.
Sexualizing of the other- especially when the taboo of social norms is disregarded is a scourge on our society. Hopefully with raising awareness, parents will be mindful of the behaviors in the home when their kids are young and seek aid for all involved.
Many times people HAVE stood up to abuse. I've seen it, and more than once or twice. I've seen brave leadership behavior in which the Number Two guy walked out and refused to be part of it, and brought it to a stop.
Of course I was sometimes in Family Court where those cases came, but I saw them early on too, and reported some myself including both elder abuse and child abuse.
Yes, far too many times people did not stand up. But many times they did. We need to understand the difference, what happened that worked in some cases and failed in others.
It was not unremitting failure always and everywhere. There is a lesson in that.
It is important to realize that the victim usually can't do it. Somebody else has to stand up. The victim has been chosen by someone skilled at choosing victims, and then managed. The victim needs help.
So who helps, and who does not? It is not always the person you'd expect. It is always somebody with the character to feel, "I'm just not going to stand for this. This is wrong."
It is the character of those around the victim and the perp. It is not the victim. It really isn't just the perp.
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Mark, I stood up and I complained, and made both verbal and written protests.
My "reward" is that I was fired, without cause and my career pretty much destroyed from point onward. I had to go into a lateral career area just to find a job (at much lower pay and benefits). I was blackballed from my entire industry, by vindictive management who were even MORE connected and powerful than I had realized.
I was labeled a "snitch", a "rat" and "not loyal" and "not a team player". Those are devastating assessments you cannot rebut -- for one thing, most are passed along verbally and you rarely even find out WHY you were rejected from jobs you were eminently qualified for.
I would assume I cannot be alone, and that many folks over the years who DID THE RIGHT THING....were brutally punished.
What effect do you imagine my firing and subsequent career suicide had on my fellow coworkers? do you think they were empowered to speak out?
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Things that are too dark to be spoken about do not emerge into consciousness. The most effective form of censorship is when it never occurs to people to write about something, so that writing about it does not have to be explicitly forbidden. Because some things were never discussed, they were invisible even though their presence was sensed. Their lack of public reality protects their private existence, and the protection of private existence rather than the preservation of morality is the reason why they have no public reality.
In reality, morality is established or protected by making public the possibility of the private and giving a course of action when it exists. As part of their orientation, students should be informed, with examples, that among their teachers may be sexual predators and that any such teachers should be turned in.
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Well said. Victims' stories were not validated in the public arena; in fact almost everyone was doing what they could (consciously or not) to keep victims quiet and to undermine their very existence. When you spend most of your life being told that what you really experienced was a lie or a hoax or it was your "problem" not his, you lose a part of your own identity, and to hold onto what's left, you go quiet and keep your secret. It's all you've got; the fact that you know the truth and are holding onto it. But the diminishment of the self lasts forever.
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The book "Sex in the Forbidden Zone: When Therapists, Doctors, Clergy, Teachers and Other Men in Power Betray Women's Trust" clearly identifies the lines those in authority should not cross, the risks and damage when they do, and why it's important to be impeccable and what impeccable behavior looks like. It should be required reading for anyone who has authority or power over others--both men and women.
https://www.amazon.com/Forbidden-Zone-Peter-Rutter-M-D/dp/0449147274
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Wow, and this book was written back in 1991!!! Prior to the Anita Hill hearings, even.
Two stories ignored at my high school: drug use and predatory male teachers.
I tried to publish a story on the first issue based on a survey I had done in study halls; it was severely edited and I could use none of the data I'd collected.
The second story was never written.
But every girl in that school - even the ones who had NOT taken the language course taught by a well known lecher - knew about him, and the others.
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When people say "everybody knows" they are wrong. Everybody doesn't know. The new student doesn't know. The person working in another department doesn't know. The little kid doesn't know. When Jimmy Savile's crimes came out and people said it was an "open secret" and that "everyone knew", one of the victim who was trapped by him in a closet cried "then why didn't anyone tell me!?"
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At my high school we knew the really cute drafting teacher was dating a student. Sure it seemed not right, but the hush and giggle was exciting.
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Prunella: in my freshman college art class, the teacher (age about 36) was dating one of the freshman, age 17 or 18. She was an exceptionally pretty girl. Apparently this man and certain other teachers had an eye out for the prettiest girl in each entering class. Quelle Surprise.
It was entirely consensual as far as I could tell. But....what about the rest of us? We were totally ignored in class. Ms. Pretty got all the plum assignments, got to meet important visiting artists and attend shows...got fabulous letters of recommendation and internships that propelled her career into the stratosphere. We got nothing. She got all the scholarships; our applications went into the dustbin.
To look at this as just a problem for the attractive girl who is "chosen" by the powerful male is not to see the whole picture. There are other victims, including those who are ignored and shunted to the side, because they cannot trade on their looks.
The cases in New York, Los Angeles and London are building, possibly soon to the point of indicting Harvey Weinstein. CEOs seem to be falling like ten-pins. Kevin Spacey just got sacked. Cliff Huxtable (of all people) soon may be checking out the dining arrangements at a minimum-security prison (only due to his age). So … where is the “Conspiracy of inaction on sexual abuse and harassment”? By both the justice system and public action by millions of private citizens?
Granted, over the thirty years that David parses, little has been inveighed by crusaders against sexual predation, but a lot has been inveighed against just about all other failings to which humankind has been heir since we were hitting each other over the heads with the thighbones of antelopes. I wouldn’t be so hard on David or other journalists who weren’t willing to risk a lightning bolt by talking publicly about the predations of RC priests. They did get around to it.
Of course people knew. But this has been a dominant element of human existence for as long as we’ve been human. It’s only been recently that we decided that such behavior is so outrageous that we need to get up on our hind legs and bay at the moon about it. Good for us, finally. But it’s been so endemic to humanity that it’s not at all surprising that it took this long to apply such laser-like focus.
The important thing is that we’re focusing on it NOW. Hopefully, all the attention will have an effect … for the first time in history.
27
"Of course people knew. But this has been a dominant element of human existence for as long as we've been human."
Like apologizing every day for political sleaze because it can pad your wallet.
5
I guess waiting 30 years (or 300 or 3000) for an injustice to be acknowledged doesn't seem too onerous if you're not the one who got hurt. And maybe lots of people find it funny, and not flippant or cavalier, to characterize that belated acknowledgment as "getting up on our hind legs and baying at the moon."
On the other hand, it's possible that some people are still truly trying to comprehend how we could have been unaware of all this pain in our midst, and whether that makes us complicit somehow; trying to figure out how we can all do better.
2
Richard
You're right. Good for us, at long last.
But we can't just sit around waiting to see if all this will "have an effect".
This cannot be an exercise in passivity.
Certainly it will have at least one effect: blow-back from some of your more Rightward friends about snowflake females who get themselves into these positions; the over-reaching government and activist courts trying to just hand over to women something they clearly haven't had the responsibility to win for themselves.
You do it yourself, right here. Using the wedge of your particular interest and resentment to split this movement, to dull its momentum. Of course priests have been horrendous predators, shamefully using their office and the ultimate authority granted them by their self-proclaimed relationship to God.
Kind of like conservative politicians and Evangelical leaders.
There's no reason why the fact they haven't been called out here should be taken as an attempt to hide or protect them or ignore their victims. Its all of a piece, why break it into the "interest groups" you guys deplore?
Similarly, your inveighing against this rehearsal of such ugly history, dismissing it as the natural human condition since "antelope bone" attacks. Rehearsal is critical; important lest we fall into the trap of the gun control argument:
"Guns have always been around, People have always shot each other. What's so special about 26 elementary school kids and teachers? It's just more of the same. Yawn."
1
A number of things need to happen to prevent sexual and other types of abuse and harassment:
1. Inculcating each person with the understanding that everyone is entitled to be treated with respect and that each person controls the access of others to one's physical person.
2. Ensuring that all societal institutions, including schools, workplaces and law enforcement agencies, are committed to enforcing the above principle.
3. Providing multiple avenues for the reporting and investigation of harassment.
4. Ensuring that investigations are fair and thorough, balancing the rights of complainants and accused perpetrators.
5. Ensuring that penalties are significant for convicted perpetrators and institutions that tolerate repeated abuse.
6. Providing counseling for victims and witnesses.
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Such ridiculous social engineering is the stuff of the petty tyrant liberal, a wish list who's real motivation is to be author of a human control manual.
3
"Every workplace and school should be asking itself: Do people here know how to report a suspicion of abuse? Do they feel comfortable doing so even when, as is typical, they have only an incomplete sense of it?"
This is exactly right, because this kind of abuse is everywhere. Everywhere! As are others, but this is a great place to start. I think that most of the people expressing shock at the widespread nature of sexual abuse are men, as most women know it's all around.
So let every institution, large and small, give notice that this is not tolerated any more, and that the organization is fully behind routing it out. And let the many, many perpetrators be very, very afraid, and clean up their acts (although that will not absolve them).
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"let every institution, large and small, give notice that this is not tolerated any more, and that the organization is fully behind routing it out." Very well said. However, reflect for a moment on institutions that are founded on the submission of women, like the Catholic Church and Catholic universities like Notre Dame, than thanks to a single stroke of the pen by predator-in-chief Donald Trump, will deny contraception to women, even as contraception is a tool for a woman's control over her body, and a way of alleviating the wretched poverty of women in the so-called Third World.
1
It is not really about "not knowing" how to report abuse. It is about an unwillingness to report abuse for fear of retribution. As long as the victim is unwilling to come forward, they grant their abuser "carte blanche" to repeat the behavior - toward them and toward others.
If the victim accepts money to "keep quiet" the abuser learns they can avoid being held accountable for their actions by opening their checkbook.
In the end, if the victim does not step forward, the employer is also free to not take action to correct the behavior of the employee - no matter how abusive the employee might be.
In my experience in the work world, everybody is so busy looking out for #1 (and sometimes, more charitably, this includes the people who work under them), that expecting people to stick out their necks to rat out a peer or worse, a boss, is laughable. Very few people feel they can do that, with good reason. All this hindsight ignores the reality of organizations. I ratted out a teacher I worked with who was verbally abusing special education kids - she was ultimately fired, but no teacher in the building would work with me again because I "finked" on a fellow teacher. You fall on your sword, you die alone.
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I reported suspicious behavior of a staff member to the principal at a middle school where I was a teacher. I was interrogated by HR, I received a letter criticizing my action in my personnel file and my identity was revealed to the person I reported. I thought I was being an anonymous mandated reporter as required in my state. The person I reported denied any inappropriate behavior. As far as I know, that was the end of it. Afterwards, he instructed HR that he refused to talk to me, I couldn’t talk to him and all my requests had to be conveyed through a third party. I still know I did the right thing by reporting but there was a ‘cost’ to me in the way things were handled. I should have called DCF and not notified my supervisor. At least my identity would have remained hidden and a proper investigation and action take place.
7
Thank you for your bravery. If nobody has said it before, I'm saying it now. I so admire people like you.
5
It's terrible that you had that experience of being shunned for doing the right thing; I'm so sorry. One solution is for those who are aware that "Mr. X harrasses women" or "There's something wrong about Teacher Y's relationships with students" - and as Mr. Leonhardt points out, there are often a LOT of people who know - to band together to bring it to light. Power in numbers.
1