At first glance, I thought someone had plagiarized a brief chapter from my life. I’d recently experienced that same hospital scene with a dear friend. The news was sudden and shocking as he too was hooked to a ventilator suffering from ARDs and other systemic issues that his body was too ravished and weak to fight.
Me, asking why did I not know? As I visualized his last visit at my home; and me hounding him about being “too thin” and how he needed to “EAT’, while whipping up a home cooked meal, that he claimed his stomach was too upset to ear. Me lifting his frail arm demanding to know “what is this strange rash?”
Me visiting him at the hospital wondering why this apparent routine pneumonia had suddenly turned grave? Him writing instructions on a pad as he vacillated between consciousness and death.
I now realized that he was in denial all the way until he was forced to accept it. But, it was too late. No amount of retrovirals would have helped him. Today, I still grieve and still beat myself up for not recognizing the warning signs right in my face, even though I'd considered myself well informed.
Later, I learned that it was the shame he had which trumped even his own life. My heart is tired of reading these stories.
2
The heartbreaking loss of this brilliant young man sadly comes as a reminder that HIV remains a deadly virus and that no one, no matter their age, race, gender, or social standing, is immune from the threat. Although the manner of contraction is irrelevant in the death, a statement of those circumstances would increase the cautionary value of this untimely passing.
3
A sad end to a brilliant life, cut short. But the over-riding question is "Why didn't he get regular testing?" Denial? Recklessness? Dare I say it? Just plain foolishness? Surely the article needed an addendum, pressing this issue.
4
The energy of Mr. Friedman's talent comes through this article. I remember the "dark days" when one learned almost daily of the death of contributors to the art and fashion world, too many to mention. Like many, I thought the "dark days" were over with the advent of HART, information and education. We thank the pioneers, the fighters that were there in the forefront (Larry Kramer, Dr. Mathilde Krim, Dr. Anthony Fauci); some of them belligerent; others more cautiously and diplomatically, by always staying the course educating the public and fighting ignorance.
Mr. Friedman leaves us his legacy, for which we are thankful; we can only dream of his untapped potential..another life lost. Yet, part of me finds his death difficult to accept in 2017 with all the advancements. HIV/AIDS continues its insidious path, ravaging communities of color; let us not become complacent, particularly with the threats to health care..we must remain vigilant and proactive.
6
The pathos on the face of Michael Friedman's 2014 photo said it all.
He seems to have intuitively felt the harbinger of death closing in,on him.
There exist in some people an deep premonition, of impending tragedies,which cannot be simply explained,but is generally in the psyche, of highly gifted & sensitive souls like Michael Friedman.Its inbuilt personality.
Everyday a newer type of infections are cropping up & our seemingly limitless knowledge is of no use in unravelling the mystery of why an infection should have accelerated so fast in his frail body.
His death is not merely an major blow to World of Theatre & Art but also a telling reminder to humankind of the power of the divine.
A unseen hand sweeps over us.A hand with deep Powers.
It's an heartfelt tragedy to die so young.
I send my heartfelt sympathies to his family,his countless friends & legions of admirers.
May his Soul RIP.
4
Why with all we know is he gone kept going through my mind as I read this story. His death feels so unnecessary and a horrible tragedy, but if it wakes up even one person then....
1
Would there be so much criticism of Friedman if he had another disease and perhaps "waited too long" to seek medical attention?
The man is dead. Let us celebrate his accomplishments, please.
Speculate in private.
5
I'm sad and sorry to read this story and the untimely death of Mr. Friedman. He was so young, so talented. Why did this happen? Was he treated correctly and what does this death tell us about AIDS and what we should be watching for with others who are HIV+?
3
This story is a reminder of the seriousness of the HIV virus, but beyond that it tells us nothing. This is the story of one man who who, for whatever reason, failed to take the necessary steps to insure his own health and well being. Since he is dead and can't tell us and since he apparently didn't have that discussion with anyone (or at least anyone who is talking publicly) we don't know why he made or failed to make certain decisions. It's tragic because of his talent. It's tragic because the needless loss of any life is tragic. However, beyond that all we have is baseless speculation and that is a waste of time. His death is tragic, but it tells us next to nothing about HIV in 2017.
There are so many issues around HIV that we should be thinking about. There are still too little education about the virus and too many people who simply don't have accurate and helpful information about the disease. This is particularly important in communities of color and in young people. There are still too many people without access to appropriate medical care. There are still too many baseless and antiquated laws on the books criminalizing HIV. For example, In many states someone with HIV can be charged with attempted murder for spitting at someone. It may be disgusting and maybe anyone should be charged with something for the behavior, but there is zero chance of spitting spreading HIV. These are the issues people should be paying attention to.
4
Many of these comments are by people who seem bewildered that someone could die of AIDS in this day and age.There is nothing mysterious about dying from AIDS. Untreated it is a fatal disease. To present with full-blown AIDS, he must have been ill for years, but somehow was able to live and function in an ironclad cocoon of denial. An inability to accept reality is a fatal flaw; poor Michael was a tragic hero in the truest Shakespearean sense.
4
I lost my partner last year to liver cancer complicating hepatitis C. I think it is the fear of a bad diagnosis that keeps some people from seeing a doctor. Magical thinking that if they don't find out they have a disease, they won't have it. So sad to lose this talented man.
9
Yes, I think you are right.
2
very sad tragic story...wish The Times had asked his friends/employees tougher questions. Didn't any of them press him for hard answers (mine certainly would) when they saw him physically declining?
There seems to be alot more to this story that what The Times has uncovered. Instead now rumors and hearsay circulate throughout the theatre.
However uncomfortable the true story is, it needs to be told. Perhaps it will help someone else in denial, etc. Perhaps it will encourage others to step up and demand that their friends and love ones see doctors.
4
Young, gay men who throw caution to the wind and have unprotected sex are still courting disaster. While so much is known since the deadly plague years, sadly, so much has been foolishly forgotten. Like personal responsibility and constant vigilance. I believe that deadly band is still playing on.
2
Unfortunate waste of talent.
3
This is an extremely sad story to hear about, when I first heard about Michael Friedman death I was stunned! A gay man dead at 41 for AIDS! I could not believe it. I felt there had to be more. Thank you NY Times for the follow up story it provides CONTEXT. Sadly, Michael was in denial like other people have said. As a gay man of a certain age Michael should of been tested for HIV at least once maybe twice a year. I hear NYC has fantastic medical programs for gay men. I guess Michael just was so scared to think he might be HIV positive. The gay male community this needs to be a wake up call for ALL OF US! If you are a gay man and you got gay friends not only tell your friends to get tested GO with them and offer support when they do! We need to support each other MORE as gay men!
3
Well, what I see of the gay men's community nationally is a fragmentation that did not exist in the 1980's. Back in the 70s when I came out we were a "movement." Now, since the advent of marriage equality and other equalizers, it feels a lot less like "us" and more like "me.' We are not doing well as national community compared to 1978 when I was 20 and watched Harvey Milk march in the Pride Parade in San Francisco as the first openly elected gay city official. Things have come a long way since then. Not always for the better. Many of us had quite different hopes and expectations for the LGBTQ community then-starting with full employment and housing rights, frankly even before marriage equality. It is NOT the gay movement I signed onto.
So reminiscent of those days when one genius after another was felled by AIDS. Heartbreaking. And such a wake up call to young people to take care of themselves and value their good health.
And I just let my insurance lapse because of the cost. The cancellation notice came in the mail 2 days ago ...... Even if I catch up with the September to December payments - $2,952.00 - it doesn't mean I will afford insurance for next year. Insurance is 25% of my take home pay.
1
Unless you are unfortunate enough to be born with AIDS or sexually assaulted by someone with it, why is anybody even getting it any more? AIDS is a totally preventable disease.
7
So are heart disease and Type 2 diabetes, at least in part. And yet, people persist in eating what they eat, and not devoting their lives to an ideal exercise regimen. It's called being human. People have love affairs and moments of passion and make mistakes.
If you are perfect, perhaps you could share your secret with the rest of us.
10
‘Brilliant,’ 44 (Michael Bennett) and Lost to AIDS:
I have lived this story before. It is sad, baffling and unbelievable how an intelligent, loved New Yorker who lived (and died) for the theatre could possibly ignore what is going on inside. I know. I have been living with HIV/AIDS for nearly 35 years and witnessed and participated in a world where going to 3 or 4 funerals a week was the norm.
Where were Michael Friedman’s friends? Did you not see his decline? Did anyone suggest (demand) he be tested for HIV? There are a million unanswered questions.
The decades of young men dying; men chaining themselves to Medical Facilities demanding drugs, ACTUP, Larry Kramer, Angels in America, Gay Mens Health Crisis, Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS….. Over 40 years of visibility ignored.
My generation lost unwritten plays, unchoreographed musicals, unsung songs. It is sad, sad, sad, but the ignorance and detachment from reality is unforgivable.
9
Seems that Mr Friedman plugged into the medical conmunity much too late! Sadly, thing may have been different if he had. Unfortunate that such a talented person has now been laid to rest. This is just a reminder that we still have to be diligent in HIV/AID education and not become complacent. May he RIP.
6
Another young talented life gone, it’s very sad. I cure for HIV/AIDS must be found. I lost my younger brother to AIDS in 1995 just before his 40th birthday. Such talent and potential, all lost.
4
A very masculine young man.
Live life recklessly and hard.
Die harder.
The soft and timid live long.
And spend their days in awe and fear.
Of the men of times past.
Who threw it all into the wind.
Untrammeled by women.
Untrammeled by life.
A Man.
Awe and fear.
1
Furthermore we have a culture where the normalization of bareback pornography (across sexualities), the increase of online and anonymous dating apps (where many seem to have no sense of responsibility/culpability), the marketing of PREP/PEP to a very specific demographic (none of my straight friends ever know about this and they regularly engage in condomless sex) and the opaque idea of sex positivity (within a sexually inequitable landscape) is providing perfect grounds for increasing infection rates. Infection rates not just for HIV but also for gonorrhea, syphilis and chlamydia (which are becoming anti-biotic resistant by the way!).
Most people in my generation never have witnessed the true devastation of an individual living with HIV/AIDS (and yes many people are living fine with their truvada/other cocktails) but without that visual people think it is a disease of yesterday. We need an intergenerational/holisitic approach to sexual health education! We need a judgement free forum for people to really feel comfortable to learn about sexual health. We need never ever to forget the plague that has not gone but continues to take many people every year.
But then again how are we ever going to have those things in a society that will forever erase queer histories?
13
The death of this brilliant 41 year old composer and musician is tragic enough. The fact that he died of AIDS is probably the least important element, and in fact turns the story into a "redux of the 1980s" rather than enriching the profile of this unique and visionary artist. Using AIDS in the title deflects the readers focus, taps into biases of sex, gay identity and negative stereotypes and fuels homophobia and AIDS-phobia, all of which minimize Mr. Friedman's humanity and relevance to society. In fact, the author told us nothing about AIDS in this article, and readers are left to speculate and gossip and voice their ignorance, as seen in many of the heartbreaking cruel comments: Was he stupid? Was he self-destructive? Was he promiscuous? Did he do drugs? Why did he not take Truvada? Etc. Etc. AIDS in 2017 is extraordinarily complex and multi-factorial; it is not a monolith. We have no idea about which of the innumerable co-factors (most of which have nothing to do with "behavioral choices" and sexual identity) could have led to Mr. Friedman's demise. In 2017, it does the public and people living with HIV a disservice to dredge up ignorant over-simplistic representations of a disease, the fear of which probably hurts and has hurt more people than the disease itself. Shame on you.
26
He’s already had tributes in the Times focusing on his life, accomplishments and the loss. This story isn’t (just) that. It’s important that we all remember that HIV still kills. Because this could be any of us.
I don’t believe that acknowledging the cause of his untimely death, at 41, in any way invalidates his life.
9
Many thanks for this. Some of the comments here are appalling.
3
Another reminder of how AIDS has robbed the world of incredible talents.
2
interesting that while this man died over a month ago, the editors chose to run the article on what is National Coming Our Day.
I haven't gone through the entire paper yet (do people still say that?), but I do trust that the NYTimes will have other articles acknowledging and discussing various other aspects of this very important, (symbolically and otherwise), day for LGBTQ people and those who care about them, besides this awful reminder that HIV/AIDS is still with us and that it kills.
There is more to LGBTQ folk than just HIV/AIDS, right, NYT? I *will* see other articles, right, NYT?
5
nice of you to run this story on "National Coming Out Day"
Any other stories about LGBTetc life you wish to inform us about on this special day?
2
8 years ago I lost a very close friend to AIDS because for some reason he did not take any antivirals. In the summer before he died, I noticed that pupils in his eyes were different diameters, meaning that they were not focusing in sync. I asked my doctor what that meant, and he said your friend doesn't have long to live. My friend had healthcare through his brother's company that his mother ran. I can only presume my friend avoided the drugs so that his family wouldn't know of his condition and in the end the family hid him away from all his friends during his last months.
No one today should die of AIDS, no one. The antivirals are incredibly powerful but have to be taken before the immune system is too compromised. This country has seen a spike in syphilis and other STDs in the past decade, esp. among the gay population and teenagers. If someone can get syphilis, they can easily become HIV+. Yet no one talks about this. As part of the gay community, I am astonished that while we fought so hard for gay marriage that we aren't mobilizing to stop this epidemic. Who are we kidding.
5
Sadly, it is still considered a shame to have HIV. Until that changes these infections will continue. And with the assault on LBGTQ by Trump and Sessions it will likely get worse and compounding the issue; no-one will be able to buy or afford medications once health care is derailed.
5
Absolutely astounding that he apparently was not op prep and never got tested until July of 2017! Or did he. This articled raises many questions like what, if any, conversations, he had with colleagues and sex partners. Responsibility to self and responsibility to others. Since the story focuses on AIDS it is regrettable that the times did not inquire into the most important aspect of the headline.
6
I agree. Many questions in a murky scenario. How can a 41 year old gay man have never had an HIV test? Did he not want to definitively know that he might have HIV because that would have required a new conversation with prospective partners? He seems like a brilliant guy but there is a head in the sand ostrich quality to this story that doesn't make sense
6
Agreed, there's nothing worse than a sad, impactful death that, in all likelihood was completely preventable.
1
And as we learn of this mans sad and probably preventable death, the Trump administrations Dept of Health and Human Services has removed ALL mention of LGBTQ health, health disparities and the continued impact HIV is having on the LGBT community.
https://www.hrc.org/blog/hhs-strategic-plan-removes-all-mentions-of-lgbt...
4
Sexual promiscuity, whether straight or gay, sets the stage for STDs which can be fatal. Nature designs sex as a serious enterprise, not as entertainment. A wise person makes a nonsexual relationship with a prospective partner long enough to know the history before hopping into bed, and then maintains an exclusive sexual relationship which precludes exposure to AIDS and other STDs.
9
With 6 Billion people in the world and counting it would defy your hypothesis that "Nature designs sex as a serious enterprise" I think you should go back to you research it seems quite flawed.
5
OK, I guess you mean well. But I find your blaming the victim, your imputation of a motive to "nature," and your monogamy-only prevention strategy to be queasy-making reminders of the moralizing 1980s. Nancy Reagan couldn't have put it any better. Lest we forget, nature has also made available rubbers and PrEP. Sure, sex like most good things, is not without risks. But do you chide folks with obesity-related illnesses for their foolishness, seeing as how nature designed eating for nutrition, not enjoyment?
3
Yes, of course, folks (including me, with type 2 diabetes common to my age group) who eat more than our bodies can handle without storing fat, and who fail to get reasonable exercise, suffer the consequences of our "foolishness." Isn't this obvious?
2
To think, in California knowingly exposing your partner with HIV and not telling them is going to be no longer a felony (http://www.latimes.com/politics/essential/la-pol-ca-essential-politics-u...... as per the saying, as goes California and New York so goes the country.
2
My heart aches for Michael Friedman and his family. But it also aches for anybody Michael may have infected since his last HIV test. Michael's behavior was far from brilliant. It was reckless, selfish and borderline criminal. Want to save your life? For starters, don't take a total strangers word for it on a dating app if they tell you they're, "STD negative?" Don't be naive. This is your health at risk. Ask for proof. Or assume they're STD positive. In the 1990s people would keep their lab results handy. Asking for proof wasn't necessarily sexy. But it definitely offered a higher level of protection. Either way, if you don't know your HIV status, or it's been over 6 months since your last result, get tested, right now. For immediate results, walk into any major drug store and buy an at home HIV testing kit. They're easy to use and cost around $50. You'll get a result in about 20 minutes. But don't stop there. Also make an appointment with your primary care physician and ask for an entire STD panel. Truvada is an effective barrier against HIV. But Truvada offers you zero protection from many other STDs on the rise right now that can permanently harm you or potentially kill you. If you don't have access to private health coverage, there are numerous places for low or no cost testing and treatment. The Ryan Center is a terrific place to start. Know your STD status. Ask your partner to prove their STD status. Doing all this is brilliant behavior.
14
“Michael's behavior was far from brilliant. It was reckless, selfish and borderline criminal.”
Please just stop. We don’t know anything about him.
14
There are facts and there is speculation.
Facts:
HIV is still out there.
HIV infection untreated can become very serious (AIDS).
AIDS kills.
HIV infection can be prevented (condoms, new drugs)
HIV infection and HIV spread can be successfully managed.
Individuals handle their health situation in a wide range of ways.
Speculation:
All reasons why a super-bright, highly educated, totally privledged young man would die from AIDS in 2017.
Speculation is useful when it generates hypotheses about how to make things better in the future. Speculation is less useful as a form of rumor-spreading.
Bottom line: Unless it is true that some people are genetically "resistant" to HIV treatment, or HIV changes to evade treatment, NO ONE should have to die from HIV infection now or in the future.
7
The idea of blaming him for something he did not know he had is silly.
Folks do the best they can with what they can as they see fit.
Hectoring lecturing at this point is really misplaced.
May he rest in peace.
13
Agreed. What is with these very nasty comments. This is why people don;t get tested because they are continually shamed.
6
I suspect Mr. Friedman was in complete denial and had in fact been HIV+ for many years before his obvious symptoms couldn't be ignored anymore.
Antivirals are wonder drugs for many but cant restore immune systems that are that badly compromised as Mr. Friedman's apparently was.
His death is tragic, but this was not a man without access to care, or information that he was at high risk and should seek testing and intervention.
Yes, he was apparently 'brilliant' and a rising star in the NY theater world but while he's free to deny himself treatment for what is for many a chronic disease I wonder how many of his partners were exposed and/or infected by his denial?
4
Lately I have noticed many ads in the subways inviting (gay) people, seemingly mostly men, to get tested. I have not looked at the fine print to see who is posting these ads, but it's certainly been a recent trend. Unfortunately maybe it takes a case like this for those ads to stand out. If blunt subway outreach doesn't catch the attention of a rising star, then perhaps his fate will prevent others from following in his very unfortunate footsteps. Take care of yourselves, people.
3
Family doctor here. Universal HIV screening is advised by the CDC. That means everyone-- including your young daughter and your grandma.
Gay men, IV drug users, and sex workers in particular should be tested on a regular basis.
This guy should have been tested long ago. He'd be alive with a near-normal life expectancy.
11
Some have commented here about why Truvada isn't being used more often in the gay community. The simple answer is: it should be.
Truvada is not a panacea. While it can cut down rates of HIV infections, it introduces another dilemma by effectively liberating users to stop practicing safe sex and thus exposing themselves and other to multiple other STDs go far beyond HIV: warts, herpes, hepatitis, syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.
Trading one STD with six isn't exactly a solution and I wish people would be a little more thoughtful with themselves, their bodies, and their choices.
9
Truveda is not being used because it's expensive and in many places not yet covered under insurance plans. It's also not an ideal solution - considering you have to take it daily and potentially put your liver at risk.
7
Truvada poses almost no risk to the liver except in extremely rare cases (there's one on record). It does pose a potential small (but reversible) risk to kidney function, however, which is why PrEP users have their kidney function monitored on a regular basis.
As for "liberating users to have unsafe sex": are you saying it would be better to maintain the threat of a deadly disease in order to scare people into condom use? Let's encourage people to take care of their health for reasons of self-love, not fear.
Even if PrEP means a few more cases of other STDs, the vast majority of which are easily treatable, that is a trade-off we can live with in exchange for defeating HIV.
This is a sad story. It is alarming that so many young people have resumed unsafe sex since PREP is evidently so effective. What concerns me is how rapidly viruses can mutate. We may realize too late that a resistant strain has developed and we may end up back where we started.
4
Two lines broke my heart, the one about the aircraft carrier becoming a baby bird and this: “I just wonder if Michael loved himself as much as we loved him?”
4
"Why did this happen?" Unsafe behavior.
7
Allow me to second B.P.P.D's sentiments.
Mr Friedman is entitled to live and die in his own manner, regardless of our discomfort. The only ignorance here is ours.
5
Straight or gay, unprotected sex is dangerous. It is not just among the gay community- please remember Magic Johnson.
5
I get so enraged when I read that people think of HIV infection as no big deal any more. That in 30 + years our memory has so fuzzed over.... as a nurse who held far too many dying hands in the 80's and 90's, it will never be "no big deal" to me. Yes people still die. Good, talented people. Protect yourselves, please.
15
It's pretty apparent that most of the people commenting here know next to nothing about HIV in 2017. Before judging and blathering perhaps some of you should actually educate yourself on the subject. After reading these comments I think the old slogan might be amended to :
IGNORANCE = DEATH
4
HIV/AIDS kills....do you really have to ask WHY?
kids have to get all these horrible vaccines for fear of spreading CHICKENPOX which DOES NOT KILL, but infecting each other with HIV is now ok in Cali because we don't want to stigmatize gays....
and you have to ask why?
4
How typical of anti-gay bigots to seize on this comments section as an opportunity to pass their holier-than-thou judgment on gay men.
I am so tired of having to fight the same old fights against bigotry and prejudice.
13
Very sad, and avoidable most likely. As I recall, one can be H.I.V. positive for years on meds... it sounds like Mr. Friedman developed full blown AIDS and that is what killed him. Tragic. The great Fran Liebowitz has spoken of the loss of artistic and theatrical talent to AIDS which will not be recovered. Mr. Friedman is a new generation to fall into that group.
5
Why did this article not include comment from the medical community?
4
Yet California says KNOWINGLY transmitting the disease or knowingly donating blood when HIV positive is no longer a felony but merely a misdemeanor punishable by six months max.
Yeah, it completely controllable and not a death sentence...unless you AREN’T VERY WELL OFF AND have health insurance because for the average person, the meds will be out of financial reach. Heck insulin pens are $75 a month with insurance and diabetes is an old and common illness and insulin has been around.
3
One month into dating a young guy he confided in me he wanted to become HIV+. He was depressed, anxious, and lonely for friends. I listened, trying to understand this through, and I advised him against this course. I can only frame this as self-harm. Unfortunately, he had sex with two unmedicated guys with a high viral load and and developed acute HIV infection symptoms 11 days later. He refuses to admit that HIV is the cause despite his behavior and showed me that he was happy and laughing when reading the text between him and the guys who did it to him. Although he says he will get tested, he says he's in no rush and doesn't particularly care about his status. In my situation, it seems like the guy was self-harming --- perhaps as a distraction from profoundly negative, painful, or out of control emotions or as a way to gain some pleasure from hurting himself. I'm not sure what else to do as this could lead to further self-neglect and eventually death from AIDS. Mental health will determine a role in his path. There's not much to do, and it's heartbreaking, but we cannot force people to seek treatment when they deny or shift the reality of the situation to make you doubt your observations as in gas lighting. It's tragic. I hope that gay men can learn ways to live a healthy, and meaningful life that builds long lasting friendship and good feelings rather than give into despair.
1
This is the third artist I've known, or heard about, who died because they waited too long to get medical help or a diagnosis. The most famous example of this is Jim Henson. I know that being a performer is often hectic and comes with many deadlines. But - please, please artists and performers, no one is invincible. Get a check-up at least once a year, and visit the doctor is you feel really sick.
4
Diseases easily mutate and new strains emerge. Very often these newer pathogens are resistant to previous drug or antibiotic courses of therapy.
The younger, most sexually active generation today does not recall the AIDS epidemic, it is not relevant to them nor do they think they are in danger of getting it in 2017. Along with rampant drug needle usage today and quickly transferred diseases via international plane travel, we can only expect this to continue.
I strongly believe there will be many brand new, sexually (or otherwise), transmitted diseases coming in the near future. One main cause or reason being the continuing human population explosion happening worldwide. It is inevitable.
Sadly no one is immune to disease. It affects us all, including this very talented young man.
3
It's very sad and surprising to hear of someone dying of HIV related complications, especially in developed countries where ART is so advanced and accessible. I'm sure this man was a very talented and liked individual, but he was clearly in denial about being ill and totally irresponsible for not getting tested regularly while engaging in behavior that would put him at risk. What one decides to do with their body is their personal choice, but I can't help but feel that this man shouldn't be held in such praise being that his irresponsible behavior likely caused others to become infected with HIV as well. On average it takes years for HIV to progress to AIDS and become deadly. It's disturbing to think of how many people he could have infected throughout the course of those years. His death is a very sad thing but I cannot commend that sort of selfish irresponsibility.
2
Why do we have to keep calling him irresponsible? We don’t know anything about him.
3
This problem has never gone away and frankly it will only get worse. Too many people will describe these kinds of articles as fear mongering because frankly we only talk about STI issues when people die from them. We as a society (across all identities) need to be taking our sexual health education and STI issues as a holistic issue. It is not simply a black and white, "he didn't get tested until it was too late" there were clearly other contributing factors at play that we may never know.
People keep touting the wonder drugs of PREP and PEP. These can only be one part of a multi step way of living for all people both positive and negative. I can't help but wonder how many infections are also as a result of consent issues and coercion. How many of us have been coerced into a false sense of security, be it with a long term partner or a one night stand? I have seen from my contemporaries (I am in my 20s) people contracting STIs (including HIV) as a result of a long term partner being unable to communicate their needs to sleep with other people.
5
This isn't really an HIV/AIDS story. It is bigger than that, It is a story about someone refusing to go to the doctor. I have a friend who is going deaf and refuses to go to the doctor. He is 56. Another friend (66) died a week after being diagnosed w/advanced liver cancer. They hadn't been to the doctor in years - preferring self-prescribed New Age nonsense. Most people are not doctors. It is sad when people just plain to go to the doctor until they are almost dead.
9
Hmmmm. So, people who go to see a physician regularly won't ever get sick? They'll never die??
I don't think so.
3
@Kath, that's not MJB's point. As a physician, I regularly see people, particularly males, who literally have to be dragged into the office by (usually) their female relations (whether wife, daughter, girl friend, etc.) for long-standing health issues. Sometimes, these folks end up with conditions that could have been prevented or treated better had they shown up earlier.
In my own family, we faced that. My male relative, in his 40s with no history of health problems, would not go to see the doctor despite chest pain. So I told him I would cut him off as a family member unless he did. I made him an appointment and drove him to see a cardiologist. He turned out to have extensive heart disease and underwent successful surgery. He can now hike without pain or shortness of breath and thanks me for saving his life.
1
It appears that a good and talented man has died. Conjecturing about what he might or might not have done or what he could or could not have done is tasteless and unproductive. Only Mr. Friedman and perhaps his family and friends know his story. If people want to judge then judge your own behavior and motivations.
5
How much does Truvada cost for a patient without proper insurance?
3
I'm seeing it at $1,600/month via Blink.
I had a friend who worked for the Red Cross for years. He would not get tested for HIV. He said he did not want to know but assumed he has positive. He, too, died of AIDS-related infections because he was diagnosed too late. These men died of denial. // The flip side is young gay men who are mystified when they test positive for HIV. "I was being responsible and getting tested." Yes, but being tested for HIV not not prevent infection.
5
I wish the reporter had investigated the question of why Mr. Friedman had not been tested for HIV years ago?
Had he initiated anti-retroviral treatment earlier, even three years ago, he very likely still would be alive today.
Gay men, and others, need to overcome their denial, and get tested on a regular basis, even on annual doctor visits.
4
I am so sorry that Mr. Friedman died too young and unnecessarily so. From other posts, I learned that HIV is immensely treatable as a chronic condition in an affordable manner or even prevented by new drugs, like Truveda.
I remember all too well when AIDS first became part of our national and worldwide conscience in the early and mid-eighties. I lost three friends to the disease. Then, as we entered the new millennia, the scourge that it is seemed to fade away form our thoughts. It was mainly a third world disease that the rest of the world had a handle on. Ignorance and complacency and denial are a virus' best friend. I'm not a doctor, but it seems that Mr. Friedman died of AIDS, not HIV. We can't candy coat this or more will die.
2
I once waited years to get tested, I was lucky and was the test was negative-but the stress of it manifested itself in other ways, and sent me on a downward spiral for months. Everyone at high risk should get tested regularly, it's just not worth the wondering and angst that comes with not knowing.
1
This is the "Saddest of songs" . I began my surgical career at the outset of the AIDS epidemic and was the only surgeon loacally who embraced the new needs of the patient population. The issues prior to retro viral therapy were protean.
Since retrovirals, surgical intervention for HIV related disease has disappeared, as has the early death of HIV patients.
I am saddened greatly by this narrative
3
I remain perplexed at the acceptance of "HIV is a manageable disease so why take precautions attitude" I've read of. It's a bad diagnosis just as diabetes is. Yes, many people remain alive for years but they have to take strong meds and suffer intermittent illnesses I wouldn't want to suffer. I wasn't aware of Michael but obviously he took great talent to the grave.
6
I am saddened by his story. For whatever reason, he chose to be tested when, perhaps, the virus had already done too much damage. That is a very personal decision and I don't fault him for it. Everyone deals with their lives differently.
4
Thank you for a moving and thought provoking story about a brilliant artist who died too soon. The final paragraph describing Michael Friedman's fear of silence resonated particularly strongly with me. When my mother's health was failing as she reached her late 80's, I wrote a poem for her to celebrate her love of words and to acknowledge her frustration as she lost her ability to communicate at the level she wished. A lot of us who love language and music struggle to accept silence when it finally can't be put off any longer. The poem is called "Beyond Words."
Words are magical!
They can stand at attention in straight dictionary rows,
unabridged,
teeming with meaning.
They can paint exotic pictures in passionate colors,
transporting us to new worlds
on well-worn pages, smooth to the touch.
They can serve up news, fresh and hot,
in bold headlines bursting with promise
or offer comfort, tenderly,
whispered softly in a young child’s ear.
When words fail, stumbling into jumbled randomness,
we can embrace the silence:
calm, dark, pure.
For even in silence, there is remembrance,
and love abides – too deep for words.
7
I am at a loss as to why neither in the article or in the comments, there seem to be no references to a patients right to decide on their own path.
But also the possibility of Mr. Friedman knowing that he was positive (with or without a test) and seeing it as his way as to come to the of his life. Maybe the issue was more his mental health, which lead to a physical disease costing his life.
This is coming from someone battling with his H.I.V. Infection, the consequences since 16 years but more so depressions before being infected.
11
How very sad. The world loses another bright star on the horizon. Gone too soon. With all the advances in AIDS research and treatment, this should not have happened.
2
This brings up bad memories.
HIV is still mysterious. Take precautions.
Very sad to lose such a talented person: vibrancy gone forever.
6
No, HIV is not mysterious. It's a virus. We know what it is. We know how it spreads. There is no cure, but we know how to manage it and we know how to stop it from spreading. The problem isn't that HIV is "mysterious". The problem is the lack of education and that people either can't be bothered to be informed or they let their prejudices stand in the way knowledge. Saying it's "mysterious" implies a hopelessness about the virus that is not called for. Not in2017.
5
Well, if the disease isn't mysterious, the fact that this bright young man died of it IS. With medication available for treatment, I can only imagine that some are no longer taking precautions.
It will be a losing gamble for certain individuals.
I don't know his work but this is very sad. A great talent it would seem. As far as denial, I am amazed at how people (even ones with good health care) will not go to the doctor. To think if you ignore it, it will go away is so childish and ridiculous. I don't understand that thinking. For those who don't have health care, but ones who do still avoid the doctors office. I take advantage of my health care and it has saved me many times. I hope people can learn from this. (on a side note, Steve Jobs also sort of went this route with his pancreatic cancer). If he had done more, he would most likely be alive today.
7
no. pancreatic cancer will kill you in months by the time it is diagnosed. ruth bader ginsburg benefited from highest level of medical testing unavailable to most and she is very lucky. there is no treatment for pancreatic cancer.
You may be right, but I'd be careful about making such judgments about others.
Yes Steve Jobs apparently refused main stream medicine even though his doctors told him he had a good chance of beating the cancer. Instead he tried alternative medicine which did not work and lost precious time. By the time he went back to main stream medicine it was too late
2
Because there is still questioning and searching for the origin cause, then there is a lot of room for wrong conclusions, still today in 2017. Hopefully, the root reason will be found, and that it will be stopped. Probably simultaneously, other diseases will be cured because of the connection.
What are you talking about? The cause of HIV is the HIV virus. period - end of discussion. Some malarkey is not just ignorant, it's dangerous.
3
Heartbreaking, especially in this day and age. If only he had had the usual regular physicals all adults should have.
May his precious soul rest in peace.
5
For a variety of reasons, people neglect getting prudent preventative healthcare all the time eg. mammographies, colonoscopies, PSA tests. Sometimes it's because we just don't want to know. Let's not be too judgmental. Denial is very, very human. RIP, Mr. Friedman.
53
With the growing threat of antibiotic resistance one wonders about the viral side of medicine. Is it possible that our meds to handle viral illness are also losing their effectiveness?
I profess no special knowledge and am asking an open question to the large audience of this paper. Could we be losing our tenuous grip on HIV?
8
NO we are not losing our grip on HIV. Today's drugs are highly effective for the vast majority of patients. Not only that, but those who are being effectively treated are incapable of spreading the virus. The problem isn't the medication, it's ignorance and stigma. If our grip is "tenuous" it's because we won't grow up as a nation and allow our children to receive effective and accurate health and sex education before they become sexually active and form unhelpful habits and attitudes.
18
This man was not on medication until he was in the midst of full-blown AIDS. Resistance to HIV meds is possible, especially when people take their medications inconsistently, but that doesn't seem to the be the case here.
3
There is no need to worry. Adavances in medicine have allowed people living with HIV to live long and healthy lives. A large segment of the HIV infected population is now undetectable and incapable of transferring the disease. While medications like Prep and Pep have made it nearly impossible to contract the disease. Where Prep is available at affordable rates -infection rates have been cut in half. Unequal access to medicine in the US is the largest reason people still die of HIV / AIDS. This paticular man died due to ignorance - he could have visited a doctor, he could have taken a free std test, he could of taken Prep before his infection.
3
I am sorry to read this piece today. As a former New Yorker who worked with HIV positive individuals for several years, I know that access to preventive and care services in all boroughs of the city is readily available. Including newer preventive options like PrEP (Truvada), NYC has done an outstanding job of rolling out the new service and training providers and clinics on this highly effective form of prevention.
I get the sense that Michael was plagued by avoidance of the risks associated with his lifestyle as well as the fear of a positive diagnosis, most likely fueled by the relentless stigma associated with the now chronic disease.
Stigma will continue to be a barrier at so many potential entry points for those at risk. Efforts to reduce HIV-related stigma and educate not only those at risk but the population at large must continue in order to eliminate new infections, as well as tragic incidents such as this one.
19
The most common dynamic behind distressing behavior like this (ignoring risks and mounting symptoms) is actually denial. This is not just with AIDS but with any illness. Denial is a pretty basic defense mechanism-- it's as if the person says, if I don't look at this, then it won't be there. People ignore repeated episodes of severe chest pain (because they are scared), and die of undiagnosed and untreated heart disease. A woman ignores a breast lump that she knows is there and not come to treatment until the tissue is rock hard frozen to the chest. (I am not making this up.) This is rough stuff but it happens with all kinds of medical problems all the time. Illness is scary so people try to deal with it by not dealing with it.
32
Terribly sad but important article.
6
Meanwhile CA officials declare it not much of a crime to spread HIV.
39
California might as well be on it's own they are certainly not part of this country at this point.
This is untrue, and has nothing to do with the article.
2
What an ignorant remark. California has not said it's ok to spread HIV. What they have done is recognized that people with HIV are not criminals simply because of their disease. What they have done is recognize the science that not every sexual act spreads the virus. What they have done is recognized that those people who are being effectively treated for HIV are INCAPABLE of infecting another person. What they have done is recognize the fact that criminalizing HIV simply discourages people from seeking diagnosis and treatment and in the end merely encourages the spread of the disease.
2
No one is immune.
3
I'm immune. Anyone intelligent enough in 2017 to not have unprotected sex or share needles is immune. How silly we're even having this conversation that was settled in 1990!
3
There's a difference between HIV positive and AIDS. He wasn't diagnosed HIV positive; he had AIDS. It's important to distinguish so that people get tested for HIV and, if positive, manage it before it ever becomes AIDS. People who didn't live through the 1980s might not even know this.
147
JS, the meds don't work for absolutely everybody. There are some people on all the antivirals who still get the full-blown syndrome no matter what they do. You just don't read about them because they're not famous, except in CDC and WHO reports. PreP also has a failure rate.
HIV still has a rate of mortality today even if it is considerably smaller than before.
1
Actually it's not important to make that distinction. In fact, many people in the field of HIV research and treatment have for some time wanted to drop the AIDS designation altogether. Regardless of the severity of the illness it's all HIV.
This is a very odd news story, or is it an obituary, or is it trying to be both, or neither? The headline asks exactly the newsworthy question, then the body of the story is entirely about the man's career and relevance in his industry but never attempts to even address the question at the heart of this: why did he die of AIDS at time when HIV *is* a manageable virus? Was it that he was diagnosed far too late, and therefore a cautionary tale for the need to know one's status? Or did he purposefully avoid treatment, which would make this a form of suicide? The reporter (or the editor) seem unwilling to touch on it at all. What, then, was the point of this story if it was not an obituary? I think the Times needs to figure out these rookie questions before it prints a story like this.
86
i think it's pretty straighforwardly a story about a talented man lost to the world. No one can know if he "purposefully avoided treatment" although it's pretty clear he didn't seek help at an early stage. So this is a cautionary tale. Does it have to be pigeonholed into an "obit" or a "news" story? It is clearly a cautionary tale -- do you need a paragraph outlining the treatment he could have asked for? The point of the story was to widen the reader's world.
5
I thought the same thing. It sounds more like an obituary, but it’s framed like a mystery or cautionary tale.
Did he perchance spread the infection, knowing he was a transmitter?
Why aren't most of those at high risk of HIV taking Truvada? I am routinely telling my patients about this important lifesaving medication, and it is usually news to them. Nine out of ten primary care providers I encounter are unaware of the existence of this vital breakthrough. Worse yet, I've heard more than one doctor say they won't prescribe it because they think it "just encourages promiscuity!" Get the word out! This is largely preventable.
166
Not only that, a few years ago, the US CDC started recommending that all people ages 18-65 be screened for HIV, regardless of their level of risk, yet my sense is most MDs still don't know this. As a geriatrician, I also talk to patients over the age of 65 about safe sex and screen them as well. Oftentimes, these folks were partnered for decades, only wandering out to date after their partners' deaths. Yet they are as vulnerable as everyone else and not necessarily up to date about the risks of STDs.
As a teen, my music teacher died of AIDS but by the time I finished training, I had patients who had been HIV+ for years yet were thriving. Stay safe: get tested. There are effective treatments out there.
13
May be because the medication is too expensive and they don't have insurance? Or their insurers (most of them) don't cover preventive medication?
4
"I've heard more than one doctor say they won't prescribe it because they think it "just encourages promiscuity!"
This of course is absurd, but most legitimate doctors do prescribe it. Affordability is another issue.
1
AIDS does not discriminate against rich or poor, black or white. But it DOES discriminate against those who get tested regularly and get treatment.
8
What a baffling and terrible story. It is hard not to conclude, he was daring the disease to take him. I am at a loss for words, and for the vast circle of friends and colleagues this vibrant man has left behind, I cannot imagine their grief and their painful sense of wondering, why did this happen?
28
The viral load in late stage HIV infection is so high and the immune system
so compromised that treatment is challenging. But even here drugs
can suppress the virus and the immune system, while not as robust
as it could have been if treatment had started early, can function. Something
is missing from this story and I suspect it was drug addiction. Upon his first release from the hospital he should have been taking drugs every day but
again I suspect he did not. Why?
16
Stop with all of "supposed to" or even " any innuendo" that he did drugs. He was a talented, brilliant young artist!! That is what he is remembered as. Stop with all of this HIV/AIDS STIGMA. STOP THIS NEGATIVITY. STOP THIS DISCRIMINATION !!!!!!!!!!
1
Thank you for maligning the memory of this individual by "suspect[ing] it was drug addiction." Do you have any first-hand evidence to provide, or was his "lifestyle" enough to suggest this to your superiority?
Addiction has its own stigma as evidenced by the replies here. It is not maligning or negative to talk about drug addiction, especially as it relates to complications with other diseases. Addiction is a medical issue, not a moral issue, and it needs to be discussed so that more people do not needlessly die.
The stigma around addiction is just as deadly as the stigma around HIV and AIDS.
4
It is still a potentially very devastating condition if not caught early. Now gay men who are sexually active with maybe even one partner have often taken a back seat to the vigilance required.
I am 59, was in the first study at UCLA to isolate the virus in 1984. A native Californian, I watched while maybe half of my young male compadres got sick and passed young. If you made it through that period, you learned fast. How do you react when half your freshman classmates in your group are dead by 30?I believe in most cases, people simply have to be more vigilant about prevention and testing. Most young gay guys should not have to go through what we did. I did not get HIV, but spent years on the periphery of society because of how stigmatized being gay became in the 1980's. Please grieve also for the thousands who have been forgotten by even the gay community during the early years of it. It was a nightmare we never totally overcome.
75
I have not forgotten my first boyfriend who died quickly from AIDS back in California in the 80s. But it was a scary time.
We have the treatments to help people like Mr.Friedman live and thrive, despite HIV. Perhaps he was too bus creating to notice or to care what ailed him.
Those who live a thousand lives
in one don't care if they're ailing
as long as they are creating,
their passion
is their midnight oil
and when their wick is burning low
they don't even know
their end is around,
they hear only the sound
of their art,
the winds of warning that pound
at them as ominous symptoms
they ignore.
12
We must strive to abolish the shame, stigma, and fear that still, to this day, kill people with HIV.
18
Agree.
Also the the efforts to prevent new HIV infections need to beefed up and never interpreted as "stigmatizing."
It's always tempting to believe that an illness has been vanquished. But recent breakouts in Arizona of the very plague that nearly wiped out England 450 years ago show otherwise. There even have been signs of a smallpox comeback.
AIDS is not some relic of the Weighty Eighties like Max Headroom and Spuds McKenzie; despite medical advancements, it's as much a threat as it ever was because HIV is just as easy to acquire as ever. (Who knows how Michael Friedman came to be infected? Does it matter anyway?) As with race relations, complacency from the belief that we're farther along in overcoming a disease than we actually are can have disastrous consequences.
And just when we thought that Broadway had finally recovered from the decimation that the disease had caused a generation of artists.
15
Help him more? He had AIDS, a disease that is mostly terminal. People should be much more concerned about how rapidly it progressed. And who else might have this variant.
4
It seems incredibly likely from the clues in the article that he had been HIV positive for a very long time, but had never, for whatever reason, gotten tested. He only discovered his status when he was already very sick. It's hard to tell how rapid it really was since there were likely symptoms he ignored for quite some time.
7
"exuberant and emotional, witty and irreverent, opinionated and self-doubting"
I wish his friends could have found a way to say something - it's a hard task - when I've done it I've lost friends - but it was usually worth it.
Silence STILL EQUALS death.
21
This is so sad. I lived through the 80's and 90's--lost friends.
But what happened to the mandate for precautions that arose from that time period?? What happened to safe sex?
Nearly 13% of people who are HIV positive are unaware of their infection. This sad story highlights that issue.
68
I am so very sorry for the loss of Mr. Friedman for his family and friends and for the American theater.
In the 1980s I lost twenty friends in two years. I was in a ballet company and theater in Austin, Texas. We didn't know what was causing the sudden deaths of our friends. It was terrifying and very, very sad.
Now, we do know what causes AIDS. It is this simple - UNPROTECTED SEX. So whomever you are, male or female, giver or receiver of pleasure, it is your responsibility to use protection. If you don't understand...take a moment and watch a safe sex video on-line.
You have NO idea who your sexual partner has been with.
Again, respectfully, I am truly sorry for our loss. May he rest in peace.
45
Unprotected sex does not cause AIDS. The HIV virus does.
2
Denial is a very powerful thing. It ruins lives and careers and is responsible for all sorts of tragedy. The NY Times even had a story entitled, Denial Makes the World Go Round. This is just one more tragic example.
11
This makes my heart sick. I lost my identical twin brother Eric to AIDS at the age of 41 in 1995. He's still in my thoughts every day. Eric's life fell just short of the medical treatment breakthroughs. HIV is still out there. Please everybody. Be CAREFUL. Think and be SAFE.
37
Why not ask a doctor?
1
Sad, a brilliant man in complete denial of his behavior caused health condition. I have several brilliant obese and heavy smoker friends who will also die young from their behavior.
6
It is amazing to me that, today, there are still young people who do not protect themselves and their partners from STDs. He didn't get tested until it was too late and by then, how many young person did he infect? Hetero or gay, promiscuous sex still has its dangers.
16
If anyone questions why some people still live in denial about HIV all you have to do is read the ugly, judgemental, ignorant comments some people have posted here. For some people it's easier not to know than to face the judgements and ignorance of other people. Yes, Mr. Friedman should have taken better care of himself, but it's pretty pointless for those of us who didn't know him to speculate about his reasons why. In today's world it may very well be that people are more afraid of the stigma of HIV than they are of the disease itself. I've been living with HIV for nearly 30 years and I encounter more ignorance about the disease today than I did 20 years ago.
At the same time this should be lesson for all sexually active people to take care of themselves. If you don't care about your own health at least consider your sexual partners. Those people with HIV who are successfully treated, stay on treatment, and have an undetectable viral load are incapable of spreading the infection. The single most effective preventative is treatment. If you don't care enough about yourself to take care of your health, do it for others. And if you don't have HIV take steps to insure that you don't get it. That means using PREP and/or using condoms. It does not mean discriminating against or judging those who do have HIV.
74
Dear Straight Ladies & Gentlemen:
Lest you think this is a story about a promiscuous young gay man who slept around, even after being warned by the AIDS Holocaust, in South Africa 25% of the straight population has this disease! 25%!
'It's not a gay thing; it's not God's vengeance upon "sodomites" (come on, fess, up, you practice that too...); it's not a promiscuous thing.
It's a sex thing that can occur to anyone. Testing should be part of anyone's healthcare checkup if they have any sex, including those married and monogamous (come on, fess up, stats show there's a 50% chance you've had sex outside your marriage.)
RIP
15
Among the numerous friends and acquaintances in my life lost to AIDS was a female friend who acquired the virus in early 1992 (her male partner was an IV drug user who died first from AIDS). She died in 1995 from full-blown AIDS.
Even though I'm a straight woman, I've had several HIV tests. I was always aware that anyone at all could become HIV positive and eventually die from AIDS. It's not a "gay" disease at all.
There are two main ways for males to acquire HIV: sex and IV drug use. The article indicates that in Mr. Friedman's case it was probably the former but offer no information on the possibility of the latter.
As Mr. Friedman didn't hide his homosexuality one would assume his primary care doctor knew about this. If the doctor did then he or she should have been testing for HIV long ago unless Mr. Friedman refused the testing. ANd if he was using IV drugs, I would have expected any observant doctor would have been aware of this.
Either Mr. Friedman didn't want to know his HIV status until it was too late or he was ill served by his physician.
3
And of course, some truly unlucky folks are doing BOTH -- having unprotected anal sex with strangers AND using IV drugs.
I lost my best friend from high school in 1984 to AIDS; he had the unbelievably bad luck of being both a gay man (back when AIDS was very poorly understood) AND having multiple partners AND the worst of all....he was a hemophiliac, who required regular blood transfusions, at a time when the national blood supply was contaminated.
The combination was devastating, and he died at the age of 28.
So sad to read this, especially just after reading about the MacArthur grants. Michael's name could have easily been in that article, it seems.
5
This is one of the saddest stories I've read in a long time. It shows how easily one can go on alone with some nagging knowledge, and friends and others around also have some nagging questions, but no one acts, because the thinking is someone else would act if something was wrong. It's just so easy to get lost in a crowd, even of dear friends. We are all afraid of giving offense. How is it that so many are "private people," when these things happen?
9
Many of these posts seem to include some riff on getting tested. Am I missing something? Getting tested won't prevent anything, except maybe passing it along to someone else. Getting tested tells you you have something. It doesn't prevent you from getting it. Prevention involves avoiding the known paths for transmission.
9
Uh... Getting tested regularly means you have a better chance of treating the virus early, hence a better chance of managing and living with it... Since the shame lies in diagnosis, not prevention, we must remove the stigma by encouraging testing. Because no one is perfect and it can happen to anyone.
12
What it prevents, is dying. Early diagnosis followed by antiretroviral therapy has extended the lifespan of HIV+ people to the point that they live as long as HIV- folks, in many cases.
17
There are effective drug therapies you can take now that manage the disease for (and prolong the lives of) many. The sooner you know you have it, the less likely you are to die from it (though of course there are no guarantees). Getting tested is important.
6
even if we take out the debate of having insurance vs not having insurance we still have to ask the question - do people want to get tested and know if they are HIV+ or have an other potentially deadly disease? sometimes the question isn't about whether or not we have insurance and can afford it, but if we're ready to endure what may lie ahead of us...
3
Last I knew, Magic Johnson is still with us. That's because HIV IS TREATABLE! Anti-retrovirals reduce the damage for decades. You may not be old enough to know about this, but before antiretrovirals, HIV infection did this sort of thing to nearly everyone and people were dropping like flies. That doesn't happen anymore - and the reason is TREATMENT.
7
Kate, you might want to Google some to find out how much anti-HIV meds cost. Any intelligent country would insure that these meds are available to anyone who needs them for free because those that take them remain healthy and have undetectable viral load which means they don't normally transmit the disease. The US, however, is not an intelligent country, being HIV+ is a "preexisting condition" and Trump & Co. is rushing to see if they can remove millions from the health care roster. You can ask some of your artist friends too about how many of them can afford to be treated for a serious medical issue. Many of them don't make as much money as Magic Johnson.
Well, it’s mainly dealing with stigma — and cost. But treatment keeps people well for decades and prevents them from transmitting the disease to anyone else.
The very first person to congratulate me on the birth of my son in 2010 died of HIV related illness a few months later. That person was also remarkably skinny. They knew their status and I believe had Medicaid and were able to take meds. I believe the death involved meningitis. I don't know the full details but I know others managing their HIV well, with undetectable viral loads want people to know that HIV is no joke and raises risk of certain cancers and risks of complications. Flu for an I
HIV positive person is a much bigger deal than for a negative person. We forget this. They're coping now but they're still very vulnerable. Today's lifestyle makes finding time to call around for doctors appointments and making time for them difficult. We are expected to be available 24/7 with our phones, email etc. It's out of hand. Incidents like this can be traced back to the inhumane work ethic expected in the US. Michael was clearly brilliant and kind hearted - he was giving away too much of himself and the danger is being so ridiculously busy is praised and expected. He should have had more time to taste the fruits of his labors and in a dialogue about his health would have occurred sooner. I can never get my husband to the doctor, the rate he works - I've rescheduled his appointments so many times - we have a great health insurance plan too! Rest in peace Michael
27
"As near as I can tell, he hadn’t actually been to a doctor or gotten tested for a couple of years, and only in July did he find out that he was H.I.V. positive,” - like so many of us he saw no necessity for taking time for doctors' visits since he felt perfectly well, even though he had health insurance to cover the expense. How many more stories like this will there be as the Republicans continue to make affordable health insurance and care more difficult to obtain?
32
He died because he ignored doing the sensible thing, getting a medical checkup. This was entirely his fault, don't look to blame anyone but him.
12
Instead of using this wonderful homage as a platform for fear mongering and judgment-ridden demands that the public get tested, perhaps we could simply mourn the loss of a very creative light, as well as all the other bright lights that succumb to this devastating illness every day. Of course we understand that we have a responsibility to ourselves and our fellow women and men, but this is not the place.
As they said in the eighties: silence is death. So let's sing out in support and openness and possibility, and let's make Mr. Friedman proud.
16
I didn't read the piece that way at all. I actually was friends with Michael as a teenager, nearly 30 years ago, and am devastated by his loss. I read this article as an incredibly sad reminder that no matter how super-human we are (and believe me, Michael was a person you could never forget even if you only knew him for a day), we are all full of flaws. Of course he should have gone to a doctor earlier but I suspect Michael was just too taken up with his millions of fabulous, funny, serious, brillian ideas to make time for the mundane tasks of life.
16
Silence IS death.
That is precisely why now, when people are paying attention, is the right time for a reminder that nobody can be complacent about HIV.
Especially when California has downgraded the crime of deliberately concealing your HIV positive status from a sexual partner has been downgraded from felony to misdemeanor.
There is no good reason at all for anyone to become infected with HIV anymore.
2
where is the place? when is the moment? how come is inappropriate or insensitive ?
I heard that excuse before and is as lame as then
8
More people need to be made aware of PReP, a HIV preventive medicine. Also, it needs to be made more affordable. Young people who probably need it the most can't afford it. There are clinic that will provide for free but people have to go out of their way to find these clinic.
26
When I was in nursing school my text book called this disease GRID-Gay Related Immune Deficiency. Our microbiology teacher told us that this 'new' disease wasn't new at all and that before it was over we would be very sorry we didn't take it more seriously. That was mid early 80s. Fast forward to this story. I experience dejavu. To this family, friends and loved ones...grief takes its own time,you're not to blame. Proceed with his work and honor him.
52
The next giant STD epidemic will make AIDS look like a child's picnic in the park.
1
Amazing creative talent gone too too quickly. Lesson get tested often, if you have irregular non-tested unverified partners the sooner therapy is started the survival rate increases.
13
Michael Friedman was a sweet and gentle spirit, in addition to being amazingly talented. Please remember that too.
27
So sad and likely preventable. Hopefully his death will serve as a caution to others not to ignore the need for testing. HIV is so treatable if caught early but still deadly if not. What a loss for his family and the theater.
73
It is now a treatable disease for MOST people. But not everyone. Some people are more vulnerable genetically.
People die of THE FLU every year, despite flu vaccines and antibiotics and all the medicine we have to treat something that basic.
Also, diseases mutate and change, and become resistant to treatments, drugs, antibiotics.
11
A student of mine at the Fishkill prison has just been made head of the HIV/AIDS education committee inside its walls. A friendly, competent inmate with a BA from Bard, he will save hundreds of lives. Chances are none will be famous, but let's not for a minute think AiDs is over.
48
Starting January 1, it will no longer be a felony in California to knowingly expose a sexual partner to HIV with the intent of transmitting the virus. Gov. Jerry Brown signed legislation Friday that lowers the offense to a misdemeanor.
14
What is your point, specifically?
At first glance, the knee-jerk response from people who don't know better, this seems like a bad thing. However, this law was never really enforced and has not been shown to have any benefit.
2
The underlying assumption being that HIV/AIDS is no longer the social medical threat it has been in the past. The disease did not change.
1
This is an incorrect statement. Please see https://www.aclusandiego.org/governor-signs-bill-modernizing-california-...
4
Some serious denial appears to have been going on on his part. Kaposi's generally only appears late in HIV disease once the immune system has been severely damaged. He didn't want to know.
130
And as an intelligent, educated man with every privilege in life....he knew that he was engaging in high risk behaviors that contribute to HIV infection (but not going for regular blood tests).
It's a really terrible tragic loss of a young, talented life.
2
Wow great story.. Never enough time. Rip.
6
AIDS has become a manageable, survivable condition. Did he purposely do this?
13
The fact that it's manageable is not the point.
We have know EXACTLY how HIV is transmitted for over three decades. It should have been eradicated by now. It's a disease (like lung cancer from smoking) that is entirely preventable.
1
It's not entirely preventable given the circumstances of how it's transmitted.
1
David Henry: people still die from THE FLU, but flu is a "manageable survivable" condition.
3
Get tested and start treatment early.
21
That's the moral of this story, however sad. If you know you've done things that expose you to this disease, then you should get tested and by all means, take your medications as prescribed. I know from experience, you can survive this disease. You just have to be willing to face it and take the necessary steps.
Insurance complicates the issue. It always has, but bottom line, there are ways to get your meds, especially in a place like NYC. I'm afraid there may be more of a backstory here.
Either way, it's a sad and shocking loss. I was taken back to the awful 80s when I read that headline "Lost to Aids".
“As near as I can tell, he hadn’t actually been to a doctor or gotten tested for a couple of years, and only in July did he find out that he was H.I.V. positive,” Mr. Eustis said “That’s just staggering — staggeringly wrong of Michael, staggeringly upsetting.”
Shall we blame the victim, Mr. Eustis? Staggeringly wrong of you to say, staggeringly wrong of the NYT to publish.
13
I seems to me Mr. Eustis is responding emotionally to his longtime friend's not getting tested for HIV for many years while, apparently, engaging in behaviors that had some risk. HIV tests are so easy to get. He's blaming his friend for not taking better care of himself, a perfectly understandable reaction; he's not blaming AIDS victims indiscriminately.
37
An editorial decision to publish such a lengthy piece was surely driven in part by the desire to bring to the attention of gay men the continuing dangers of the AIDS virus. And well done the NY Times for doing so. In what other treatable disease where someone did not seek medical attention for years, as the disease took hold, would his or her friends do anything other than blame the person.
2
Have some compassion. This is not generic victim-blaming. Mr. Eustis is having a perfectly understandable emotional response to the death of a person he cared about. Have you never felt anger towards a loved one who died and left you, be it in a car accident or even something completely out of their control, even as you know it's irrational? This isn't a moment for you to get on a high horse. It's a moment for you to understand that losing someone you care for is hard and stirs up a lot of emotions, some of which don't make much sense.
9
Tragic.
This, like other recent events leaves us asking "why' over and over.
May I offer a simple answer. Mr Friedman belonged to a minority of patients who are genetically unable to benefit from that medical knowledge we have of their illness He may not have survived if he had spent all of his last months living in the Mayo Clinic.
There is likely more to "the answer" in this man's case, but we should not through out the possibility that nothing we know could have helped him have the life he deserved.
9
Mr Friedman did not get tested in time so the virus was able to do major damage to his immune system. Once this damage was done all the amazing and hard won anti-viral drugs we now have cannot protect against the opportunistic infections that attack AIDs victims. His immune system didnt have time to recover and protect him from the infections. When you get to that stage in the disease its a question of luck and perhaps prayer if you can survive long enough to boost back your immune system.
3
As an HIV physician, I am concerned by this comment and am concerned that it was flagged for special attention. It gives the impression that there are some people who have untreatable HIV due to 'genetics'. This is absolutely untrue. The HIV virus can gain mutations over time in some situations. A certain percentage of people will have a mutation in the virus they are infected with. BUT, there are now more than 30 different HIV medications in 6 classes- we can find a regimen to treat your virus. AND I can treat you no matter what other medical conditions you have. As his friends concluded, this unfortunate death was due to a delay in diagnosis until his counts were so low he contracted additional infections. Today's medications are so powerful that we often still can treat the disease and get people healthy again even at this stage though this was sadly not the case here. Early diagnosis matters because early TREATMENT is absolutely key. We used to wait until people's CD4 cells started to drop before starting medications. We now know that you should be on treatment regardless of your Cd4 count as it both decreases transmission risk and decreases the higher amount of certain cancers and cardiovascular diseases seen in the HIV population as compared to controls. The true message and news of this story are: Get tested. Get treated. Period.
20
Your scenario is a possibility but the odds are against it. Most likely he did not seek proper medical attention upon receiving his positive test results or simply did not keep to a regular regimen of HiV testing, which every sexually active gay man must do, usually more often than some would like. At my age and back ground, I've seen mostly all the likely scenarios. That one is highly unlikely in this day and age. Many guys simply play negligence games with their status. You simply cannot do it.
1
A tragic, unnecessary loss. As a public health professional, I cannot urge strongly enough: GET TESTED ROUTINELY. This means often and repeatedly. Free testing options are available in every state. The Ryan White program and ADAP make treatment and services to those who could not afford it otherwise.
And please, practice safer sex: use condoms and lubricants; consider PrEP; and disclose your status. Trust, respect, and communication are essential in any sexual encounter. If you are , don’t let anyone tell you that you deserve it or are somehow less than.
80
PrEP only encourages people to engage in riskier and riskier behavior -- telling themselves it is 100% protection (it is NOT) and that even if they get HIV, they can just "take retroviral drugs" and it will be a mild chronic condition.
Until the disease mutates and becomes resistant to both PrEP and retrovirals, and THEN WHAT?
2
What is the mystery? Seems like the WHY is Why did he get HIV - is that the mystery? The various methods of transmission are fairly well understood, and not discussed anywhere in the artlcle in the context of this brilliant man. The subtitle is equally cryptic. How do you help a person who gets AIDS? Remind him to take his medication, (but not suggest that he not engage in risk-taking behavior, whatever that behavior was?) Where is the journalism? The article focuses on his brilliance not on the "Why" in the title.
11
His brilliance in theater and music highlights that he was obviously around those who lived the history of HIV. I believe he was obviously well informed like his contemporaries. 2 years with undiagnosed HIV is not ideal but I'm sure I've heard of many ignorant of their status for more than a year and go on to get mediation and be ok. I've heard many admit they're unclear how long they've been positive for. Charlie Sheen? I think there was some bad luck involved here - perhaps his body just didn't respond to the drugs as well as needed early on and then an infection on top caused fast progression. The individual reacts to HIV differently and rate of progression without meds depends on the individual. While I encourage all of us to be tested regularly and never miss an annual physical- I do feel there was some bad luck encountered here. I'm so very sorry for Michael, rest in peace.
5
36 years into the AIDS epidemic, the US still has not substantially reduced the number of new HIV infections.
The prevention effort needs to be substantially ramped up among the populations at greatest risk.
22
People are complacent, because of the new drug treatments, which have (mostly) turned AIDS from a terrifying nightmare into an ordinary chronic ailment.
Then there are the "prep" treatments, that make young gay men feel invulnerable -- like they can continue in risky lifestyles and behaviors with ZERO risk of AIDS (which even if they got, would then be a mild chronic condition and not a death sentence).
So basically: things have returned back to the 1970s era levels of high risk behaviors, with the sense that "the party needs never end".
1
This puzzling mortality many years after the advent of HAART (highly active anti-retroviral therapy) took my gay best friend about 7 years ago, just when I thought the carnage was completely over. We all asked why. In his case, he simply hadn't been tested for years, believing himself HIV negative from his last test. By the time he went to the hospital, his respiratory system had collapsed and he never made it out of the IC unit.
When I asked my physician how this happens, he just said that denial can be very strong in some people. Every person 12 and up should have an HIV test once a year, no exceptions.
I mourn over two dozen friends Iost between 1982 and 1999 (the last of these simply couldn't overcome KS even on HAART). But a death in 2010 from AIDS was particularly tragic and senseless. I grieve deeply to this day, and I'm still a bit angry at my friend (sorry) and at myself. He should have known better, and I should have pushed him harder, even at the expense of our friendship.
119
You were a good friend. I'm very sorry for your loss. I lost more than one friend to AIDS, including one of the most important people in my life.
That's what makes me so adamant about this issue. HIV should have been eradicated by now - not just made "manageable."
Everyone knows exactly how to prevent HIV so it's very hard not to think that the reason it hasn't been eradicated is simple irresponsibility. Or complacency because it's now "manageable."
Just because it's manageable doesn't mean it isn't life changing. And, as this tragedy reminds us, still potentially deadly.
3
You were no doubt an amazing friend to those two dozen.
1
Don't be angry at yourself. You did what you thought was right and best at the time, and I'm sure it was. You're clearly a loving friend who is still mourning your losses. Take good care of yourself.
2
I was in college when I first heard about HIV. Within four years I lost several friends to the disease - either from infections or, in one case, by suicide.
I am fortunate to know a number of long-term survivors - some who have been infected for 30 years...but even with less-toxic treatments...this infection takes its toll on one's body.
In the early 90s, preventing transmission with condoms was de rigueur for homosexual and heterosexual couples alike (my baby sister even bought be a jumbo box of Trojans for Christmas one year).
The risk is still there....along with many others. We can't lose the message because HIV is no longer a death sentence for many.....because for others it still is.
94
In an earlier age, Friedman would by now have been as famous and financially successful as Richard Rodgers was at the time of Oklahoma. He had been creating musicals for 20 years, with only one getting anything remotely like wide attention. This shows how rare and unobtainable success in the world of musical theatre has become.
14
I had two friends die of AIDS this year - the hospital nurses in both cases had never seen a patient with the disease before.
Neither of my friends were famous, but both had good health care and middle class, "professional" careers. Yet they died like so many millions of others around the world.
It ain't over till it's over.
155
Diseases...bacteria...viruses....are very clever and adaptable. That's why they have survived the eons of time.
You invent a cure, and the disease mutates and figures out new ways to reproduce and infect.
STDs are as old as mankind. Even "garden variety" STDs like gonorrhea or syphilis can mutate or change and become resistant to antibiotics -- AIDS is the same.
I've been worried for years, since I've read about how gay men have eagerly returned to the same lifestyles and behaviors that created the original AIDS epidemic -- made brave by new drug protocols and prep treatments. This is foolhardiness at its worst.
2
Michael was lovely and amazingly talented. I was lucky to have met him once or twice. Such a loss.
It's amazingly unlikely that he had just been infected with a particularly virulent strain. It's much more likely that he just didn't get tested in a timely manner.
The warning of this should be clear. If you are engaged in any behavior that might even be a bit risky, get tested. HIV is a manageable chronic infection, but only if you know you have it. I'd recommend that anyone who partnered with him in the last few years (or maybe ever) get tested.
93
Risky behavior = sexually active. You can never know what your partners have been up to on their own time. That goes for straight people as well as gay people.
1
There is really no excuse to allow yourself to get to this stage of HIV infection today - with the exception of those without any medical coverage. He not only put himself in danger but he also put all of his sexual partners at risk as well. Prep and pep are widely available - and HIV screenings can be done for free in most cities. Annual check ups are also essential.
111
Funny, when someone is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, we just say it's a tragedy and wish they had caught it sooner.
So how come you think it's okay to blame the victim, and even lay a guilt trip on him, when he was diagnosed with 'stage 4' HIV?
Newsflash: Unless he raped somebody he didn't put anyone at risk. People who engage in unsafe sex with partners whose medical history they don't know, put themselves at risk. The only HIV infection he is responsible for is his own.
But denial still happens. So maybe the thing to do is remind everyone to look out for each other and insist that the people we care about seek medical care if they are not looking good for more than a few days.
That sort of mutual support is easier if you dial back on the judgement and guilt....
8
The man is dead. Let’s let the dead be...wrapped in the arms of God’s angels. Lets leave the dissections and the crit to another time. Certsinly not now. There are millions of people in this world who do not look after their medicsl needs. Believe me. I am a hospital chaplain and I work with them every day. Why do they do this? Who knows. But they are to be mourned and pitied...not because “they might gave put their partners at risk”. Unless you have direct personal knowledge of this it uid an unjust and uncharitable comment to make. Lets leave the judgement alone ...love his memory and marvelous gifts and thank God for his short time with us mere mortals.
5
There are free anonymous testing centers if you have no healthcare. Everywhere.
8
So sad. And you do know Encores revives mostly Broadway, not off Broadway, musicals?
4
"Encores! Off-Center" is City Center's summer program that does Off-Broadway revivals. "Encores!" is their fall/spring program that revives generally less well-known Broadway musicals.
2
The article states that Mr. Friedman was artistic director not of "Encores!" but of "Encores! Off-Center," with a link to the Times announcement of his appointment.
1
You are correct. Encores! does revive Broadway musicals. Mr Friedman was hired as the Artistic Director of "Encores! Off-Center," a program that is primarily produced in the summer as opposed to the regular fall-to-spring season of the Encores! you are talking about.
1
Silence is death. That motto was current during the 1980s about HIV/AIDS. So many people make moral judgments about lifestyle choices and privately chalk up an HIV infection as the victim's just deserts, though Political Correctness forbids them uttering this. Since the 1980s we have learned much more about the immune system and Big Pharma has concocted magic bullet pills that promise to suppress HIV levels to undetectable levels. We see them being touted all over the Chicago El on the hoardings that feature people from target groups who might be at high risk of HIV infection, people who I would be legally prohibited in my law enforcement job from targeting as high risk for AIDS because of their race or other factors. Health benefits cover the cost of many of these treatments that work well. So many people think that the full-blown AIDS is a medical problem of the past and we can sustain life indefinitely even in those who have been infected by the HIV virus. These wonder drugs work. Until they don't. I saw one of my attending physicians die and knew from the symptoms and galloping wasting that it was HIV and not the cancer he attributed it to, in a face-saving attempt. Of course death from AIDS is not history, as Mr Friedman's demise illustrates. The tendency to stay out of someone's private affairs is another obvious contribution to someone's demise, while ironically at the same time we often helicopter and micromanage our significant others and our children.
59
AIDS is a horrible disease; nobody deserves to die that way.
However: we are complacent in think we have "cured AIDS"or tamed it, and turned it into a simple chronic ailment. It's a killer, held at bay but no more than that.
Look at antibiotics: they are miracle drugs, but they are overused, and sometimes people get resistant or bacteria gets resistant.
It's like in "Jurassic Park" -- nature always finds a way. Bacteria are ancient lifeforms, they exist because they can and do ADAPT.
AIDS or some worse STD will figure out a way around all the prep kits and Truvada and AIDS drugs. And then THAT health crisis will make AIDS look like a walk in the park.
3