Thank you for this thoughtful exploration. Your last paragraph powerfully captures the ultimate dilemma faced by those of us who gain weight easily. At 5'4" with a tiny frame, no matter how much I exercise and make healthy food choices, I will never be a person who can eat as their heart desires. My daily hour of water sprinting allows a larger portion size of healthy food, not an extra glass of wine and dessert. It is this realization that is most crushing of one's spirit. Even after much effort and discipline, when to a total stranger, I might pass as a person who looks like she never has to worry about her weight, I know I will never be that person. Just as I have accepted that I will never have thick hair or piercing blue eyes, I have accepted that I simply don't get to eat nearly as much as everyone else. In my sixth decade of life, I have quit dwelling of the unfairness of it all and just focus on what works for me and how to be as happy as possible living within my limited calorie budget.
18
I have been in remission from compulsive overeating for fifteen years. Where I once awoke every day feeling suicidal that I could not stop myself from consuming certain sweet foods that made my weight fluctuate and kept me on a diet treadmill, I now rarely think of food until it is time to eat a small to moderate meal three times a day. I am never going to be skinny, and I will always be, by nature or chemistry, a food addict. But I was fortunate to have mentors who taught me that to cope with my addiction I had to admit I was powerless over it. That took away the shame, and feeling that I was doing something "wrong." I gave up fad diets because the weight always came back. Next, I eliminated white sugar, brown sugar and corn syrup, ubiquitous ingredients in much of the food Americans eat. My appetite immediately diminished when I did this. This was not a matter of discipline for me. I have learned that, as an alcoholic cannot have a drop of liquor, I cannot have even a bite of food made with sugar. I also learned that exercise would never bring lasting weight loss. However, exercise in moderation tones me, and helps me maintain a strong, flexible body that makes me look well in clothes. It's really quite simple: admit that you have an eating - not a "weight" problem; give up the sugar; have fun keeping fit with an exercise program, but don't overdo it so you can stay with it. And give yourself time to develop new habits. Make it an adventure, not a chore.
16
Eat to live, don't live to eat.
View eating as a chore, not a reward.
View eating as a chore, not a reward.
5
"Weight isn't neutral. A woman's body isn't neutral. A woman's body is everyone's business but her own."
I am a recovering anorexic. When I fell out of that socially accepted weight range to the lower extreme, I also had doctors that refused to work with me until I gained weight and gave me "rusty photocopies about food exchanges." I had complete strangers yell at me on the street, telling me to just "eat a muffin." (Baked goods will solve all our problems, right?) There were the people who couldn't make eye contact anymore and wondered why I wouldn't just eat already.
But all this focus on the food and the weight and the cookie-cutter image all humans are supposedly born to fit in to are distracting from the fact that this socially accepted physical fitness level is socially constructed. The "good" foods and "bad" foods are sorted into those categories until a new fad or study comes along that shakes up the labels and suddenly coconut oil is not the answer to life anymore! In the end all the mixed messages and judgments are confusing us to the point of encouraging 12-year-old girls, who are experiencing incredible physical changes because of puberty, that they should try to keep that little girl physique and can start dieting to do so. Now we have adults, like myself, who need to relearn how to eat because it's no longer natural.
Your health is your own. Work with a professional if you need or want guidance. Society is messed up.
I am a recovering anorexic. When I fell out of that socially accepted weight range to the lower extreme, I also had doctors that refused to work with me until I gained weight and gave me "rusty photocopies about food exchanges." I had complete strangers yell at me on the street, telling me to just "eat a muffin." (Baked goods will solve all our problems, right?) There were the people who couldn't make eye contact anymore and wondered why I wouldn't just eat already.
But all this focus on the food and the weight and the cookie-cutter image all humans are supposedly born to fit in to are distracting from the fact that this socially accepted physical fitness level is socially constructed. The "good" foods and "bad" foods are sorted into those categories until a new fad or study comes along that shakes up the labels and suddenly coconut oil is not the answer to life anymore! In the end all the mixed messages and judgments are confusing us to the point of encouraging 12-year-old girls, who are experiencing incredible physical changes because of puberty, that they should try to keep that little girl physique and can start dieting to do so. Now we have adults, like myself, who need to relearn how to eat because it's no longer natural.
Your health is your own. Work with a professional if you need or want guidance. Society is messed up.
14
While I'm as sympathetic to the author as I suppose it's possible for me to be, I was thrown by the stereotyping of "skinny" people. If the whole point of this article is to refute easy truisms about fat people--they're lazy, or gluttonous, etc. etc.--then why do exactly the same thing to non-fat people in the very same article? As a skinny person who's had my share of trauma, too, I can guess that maybe the author wants to equate non-fatness and happiness to be ironic or to make fun of the skinny = happy equation. That's one thing that seems off to me. The other concerns the typing of non-fatness as some kind of physiological gift. Obviously not necessarily the case, just as fatness is not some kind of physiological doom (if that were the case entirely, why do obesity rates vary with economic status and/ or other indicators?). I find this article needlessly stigmatizing and reductive. I wish the author well and hope she can learn to develop empathy for people with different morphologies. We have all suffered trauma in our lives.
4
I understand and agree with you. One thing we have to stop doing as women especially is comparing ourselves with other women. Luckily, though I have had an eating problem from childhood, I never wanted to be anyone else because I always told myself, "You don't know what that person is going through. They are human and probably have just as many problems as you do...maybe even more...and that goes for supermodels, too. So many "skinny" women are anorexic, the flip side of compulsive over-eaters. But it isn't even about that. It's about accepting who you are and then learning to deal with it in a sane way that is tailored to you. I have been in deep recovery from food addiction for years and know many woman and men with eating disorders. None of them is alike in their food issues. Each body is completely unique, just as each life is more complex that the "fat" or "skinny" person we label them them to be.
5
I love this article, Taffy. You have articulated thoughts I've never shared aloud. You have soul mates everywhere. Effortlessly thin people will never understand, and we shouldn't try to measure ourselves against them. That said, I, too, yearn for the goal that you and Oprah articulate: How can those of us with food issues gain and maintain control over our relationship with food such that we can achieve a healthy body weight and still enjoy food? But the first person who solves this problem deserves a Nobel prize.
12
Taffy, I appreciate your directly looking at this highly charged issue. As a psychologist, I have learned that food and weight issues are often one way that women tell themselves that something isn't right in their life and that they don't see how they are going to be accepted by others. This held true when I worked with women with anorexia, women who were a hundred pounds over their "ideal" weight, and women who looked to be normal weight. Nearly all were consumed with self-hatred and shame.
As the article shows, in the current framework, there doesn't seem to be a way to break free from this preoccupation and focus on food, weight and body image.
Perhaps looking at this from another angle might help.
I have started teaching people that our health and well-being is closely associated with how we manage our vital energy, our Qi. Science tells us that everything is energy. In health terms, energy is our life force that supports every inner biological function and connects us to Nature as well. This connection to energy is our birthright. Food comes from Nature and has energy as well. Energy practices, like Qigong, can help your body become better at processing and using this energy. From this basic change, it is possible to discover that your body has self-healing powers. Self-healing builds on itself, and improves self-image, emotional disposition and strengthens inner and outer relationships.
This is an approach that is rational and offers realistic hope.
As the article shows, in the current framework, there doesn't seem to be a way to break free from this preoccupation and focus on food, weight and body image.
Perhaps looking at this from another angle might help.
I have started teaching people that our health and well-being is closely associated with how we manage our vital energy, our Qi. Science tells us that everything is energy. In health terms, energy is our life force that supports every inner biological function and connects us to Nature as well. This connection to energy is our birthright. Food comes from Nature and has energy as well. Energy practices, like Qigong, can help your body become better at processing and using this energy. From this basic change, it is possible to discover that your body has self-healing powers. Self-healing builds on itself, and improves self-image, emotional disposition and strengthens inner and outer relationships.
This is an approach that is rational and offers realistic hope.
3
Only one comment. After 50 years of struggling with weight, I have gained control of my eating through the "Always Hungry" regimen promoted by Dr. David Ludwig of Harvard University. Limit your carbohydrate intake, eliminate unrefined grains and added sugars, and your hunger disappears, your insulin levels decrease, and your body utilizes stored fat, all of which leads to weight loss. I feel like going up to all overweight people and telling them.
8
I eat like this (very limited sugar, basically no grains - largely vegetables and protein). I'm constantly hungry.
Please, don't assume what works for one will work for others.
Please, don't assume what works for one will work for others.
12
True. But hunger can also be a hole in one's soul. I have found that a spiritually-based recovery program works well for a lot of people...and I am not speaking of religion. It worked for me and I am not a traditionally religious person. Also, I have to admit that making amends for issues that were keeping me in resentment and shame had a lot to do with letting go of excess baggage...and weight.
3
This is exactly how I eat. I also log 100,000 steps single week without fail -- and yet remain significantly overweight. I write down every bite I eat and work closely with a dietician (who is young and tiny -- and mystified).Please - I beg you - don't walk up to those of us who are overweight and tell us about it. Believe me, we already know.
22
It is not so much that being overweight is in and of itself a problem to be solved. It is that it can lead to or exacerbate problems for some people. Ms. Akner writes about increased arthritis pain. I need to either lose weight or face a lifetime of medication for hypertension and increased risk for diabetes. So it is about health, and about individual and familial risk factors. I realize that the focus of the article was diet, but it does go hand in hand with exercise. Many of us could stand to eat differently and move more.
3
I cried when I read this and cried when I read the comments. the worst thing is the judgement you feel and it is heartening to realize that there are so many people struggling with the same issues. I have wondered for so long why I couldn't figure out how to lose the weight. It's as if I think others have figured it out and I can't seem to do it. I have spent so much money and time and brain power for years on this. Naturopaths, boot camp, WW, nutritionists, acupuncturists, etc. For some of us it's not that easy. Thanks for putting this out there so eloquently and thank you readers for being there. I'm inspired!
15
There are other factors at play here; not just dieting, exercise, metabolism & set points. It is the food industry for one. The very unhealthy, addictive products laden with sugar and salt etc. Then there is the medical field who need to educate their patients and enlighten them. Finally there is our sedentary lifestyle - because of computers and technology. If we learned from our parents, doctors, & educators - the proper foods and avoided the terrible fast foods, cereals, and processed foods that would be the first step. Then, if doctors were more assertive - "you are beginning to gain weight; this is what you should be eating. " "Are you getting up from your desk? Are you walking; play any sports? Come back in 3 months." Then we must watch our portions, ride a bike, walk, hit a tennis ball, skate, throw a football or basketball, swim... Parents need to get their children away from their electronics - outside. Run, play, hike! Healthy eating and activity starts young and can remain a habit.
5
Great article. Thank you so much for brilliantly articulating something I've been thinking about for awhile now.
2
I can't understand the author's statement that she went on her first diet at age 15, at 5 foot three and 110 pounds. Why would she diet at such an enviable weight? Is she saying that she thought she was overweight then? I wonder if she may have eating disorder tendencies, which would be a whole other article. Does this author actually struggle with being overweight, or does she just FEEL like she's overweight? The only photos online I could find look like someone who is of a normal weight. It's important to me the street cred of someone writing an article like this.
I have been battling my weight since I was 7 years old. My mom put me on her Weight Watchers diet when I was 8. I am a lifetime member of WW since 1987 after losing 40 pounds at age 22, and kept my weight in the normal weight range for a couple of decades, going back to WW when I needed to reign it in. It was a lot of work staying in an acceptable weight range (certainly not "thin") all those years. Now in my mid 50's I find it virtually impossible to lose weight no matter what I do. And in this stage of my life I've got other things I'd rather do than obsess about my weight. I'm more in acceptance mode now, not overweight enough to cause serious disease or reprimand from the doctor, but certainly not a normal weight. Still this takes work.
So I am also ambivalent about fat acceptance, but I would definitely say that increased age can change priorities. If I were young I would still be fighting the good fight.
I have been battling my weight since I was 7 years old. My mom put me on her Weight Watchers diet when I was 8. I am a lifetime member of WW since 1987 after losing 40 pounds at age 22, and kept my weight in the normal weight range for a couple of decades, going back to WW when I needed to reign it in. It was a lot of work staying in an acceptable weight range (certainly not "thin") all those years. Now in my mid 50's I find it virtually impossible to lose weight no matter what I do. And in this stage of my life I've got other things I'd rather do than obsess about my weight. I'm more in acceptance mode now, not overweight enough to cause serious disease or reprimand from the doctor, but certainly not a normal weight. Still this takes work.
So I am also ambivalent about fat acceptance, but I would definitely say that increased age can change priorities. If I were young I would still be fighting the good fight.
8
When I was in my teens in the 1970s, Seventeen Magazine always had models who were 5'7+ and weighed in at 110 lbs. I was 5'7", so if I went over 110, I dieted. So the author's statement about dieting at the age of 15 doesn't surprise me at all. It is essentially what we were being "told" to do. Pretty sad.
16
"rein"
4
As a psychologist I know that it is the relationship with food, our self image, our culture and bad science that drives us in the wrong direction. After 7 health books (several award winning) I wanted to write a book on weight loss and keeping it off but was told that it needed to have a gimmick even though I had lost 40+ pounds. I ended up publishing on Amazon... the New No Gimmick Diet!
1
What an incredible story. What I've come to believe is that the emotions and beliefs we hold inside, likely out of our awareness, is what drives our behavior. All of our behavior makes total sense on some real level, even if that level is outside our rational mind's awareness. Behavior is an arrow pointing to an unmet need, or a painful belief still lingering from our past. If you can forget about changing behavior for long enough to go deeper into the cause, then a shift can be made to free us of the behaviors that hurt us. It's not impossible, I promise. There's a real reason you're stuck, and you can shift and release it with a huge dose of acceptance and curiosity. I hope you find that freedom. xo
5
There are so many varied comments here that I don't know where to begin. I will say upfront that I have been overweight, have successfully dieted only to backslide, and have taken it off again.
1) Yes, weight loss is hard. Keeping the weight off is harder. It takes discipline, activity, and resolve not to fall back into bad habits. Don't blame any particular diet if it doesn't work. Find one that does. Or, at the very least, cut down on portion sizes and processed foods and sugars, and walk or do some form of exercise daily. The weight wasn't gained in one day; it won't be lost in one day.
2) I recognize that for many there are physiological and psychological causes of obesity. But on a daily basis I see far too many extremely overweight people -- those who have trouble walking and breathing -- to ever acknowledge the concept of fat acceptance. I see it as an unhealthy excuse that will do much harm to the person and to society as a whole. Workplace wellness policies should be standard at all companies, if they aren't already.
3) It is about personal accountability. If I sound harsh, I apologize -- but many years ago I lost a dear friend to complications from morbid obesity. It was painful to watch her slowly destroy herself as she offered excuse after excuse about her weight and why she "couldn't diet." She basically committed slow suicide, and I can't watch anyone else take that same cruel path.
1) Yes, weight loss is hard. Keeping the weight off is harder. It takes discipline, activity, and resolve not to fall back into bad habits. Don't blame any particular diet if it doesn't work. Find one that does. Or, at the very least, cut down on portion sizes and processed foods and sugars, and walk or do some form of exercise daily. The weight wasn't gained in one day; it won't be lost in one day.
2) I recognize that for many there are physiological and psychological causes of obesity. But on a daily basis I see far too many extremely overweight people -- those who have trouble walking and breathing -- to ever acknowledge the concept of fat acceptance. I see it as an unhealthy excuse that will do much harm to the person and to society as a whole. Workplace wellness policies should be standard at all companies, if they aren't already.
3) It is about personal accountability. If I sound harsh, I apologize -- but many years ago I lost a dear friend to complications from morbid obesity. It was painful to watch her slowly destroy herself as she offered excuse after excuse about her weight and why she "couldn't diet." She basically committed slow suicide, and I can't watch anyone else take that same cruel path.
3
Sorry you feel that way. As I said, if you comprehended my post, keeping the weight off is harder than actually losing it. It is a lifelong process. If one diet does not work for YOU...find something that DOES. You don't have to go to Weight Watchers, or buy NutriSystem, or go on Adkins if it doesn't work for YOU. Get with a doctor or dietician and work within your metabolism and daily caloric needs to get the weight where you want it.
if you truiy want to manage your weight, you can. I don't see anything at all judgmental or unkind about that. If something is in your control, and you want to change it, CHANGE IT.
if you truiy want to manage your weight, you can. I don't see anything at all judgmental or unkind about that. If something is in your control, and you want to change it, CHANGE IT.
1
Great piece, brilliantly written. I too know the struggle. But as I get older I also realize that getting to a lower weight is the best thing I can do for my knees, back, heart and other vital organs. So I exercise and try to eat right to the best degree I can. Not always successfully-- and I'm okay with that. But not giving up!
4
No. If you are obese or even overweight then it is not good to "be who you are." You need to diet and lose weight otherwise it will likely lead to diabetes, high blood pressure and diabetes.
5
Frankly, I know just as many thin people who have diabetes and high blood pressure, painful arthritis, acid reflux, etc, etc., etc., all the things people say heavy people are afflicted with. Everyone gets something eventually, and we all die, sooner or later. I had a family that was half-skinny, half-overweight. The fat ones lived far longer. Frankly, I always felt that having a little fat on me was a bit of a protection from disease.
9
5'3" and 110 lbs and you wanted to diet....YOU WERE PERFECT at that size. Too bad you felt you needed to. I'm 5'3" and was about 110 lb when I got married. I thought I needed to lose weight too. 30 years later I pulled out my wedding dress and couldn't believe how skinny I was AND I'm only 4 sizes larger, had two kids, lost my husband to kidney dis/diabetes before he was 50, had my elderly (crazy) mother move in, been thru 3 major recessions, been laid off twice as a widow with two kids in college, constantly stressed over paying my bills, put down 6 dogs when they became to elderly, buried my dad, let my emotionally immature older bro move in when his life fell apart, my sister stopped talking to me. Genetics, bad habits/choices, stress, life, gut bacteria, sugar/carb addiction and much more conspire to keep us fat or skinny. Thank God I had chocolate, alcohol, fries, God and friends when I needed them. If anyone has a problem with why God is fourth on the list; he/she can re-read my description of life. The only thing missing was war and pestilence and, let me tell you, having my mother live with me qualifies as war. We let our insecurities and misperceptions make us feel bad for not being skinny enough, young looking enough and rich enough. Stop thinking you are bad; be kind to yourself, do one good thing with food each day, exercise the best you can each day. Look forward; attitude is everything. My kids are fantastic today. I'm alive and healthy. Great article.
17
Wow. Taffy. Where to begin. I want to call you. I want to meet you for coffee and tell you my life's story of dieting. I want you to be my friend because you get it, in all it's pain and hopelessness and illogic. I want you to write more because it is a "thing" that never goes away and there always will be pain and hopelessness and illogic and unfairness. Until we die. Honestly. Until we die. There will always be a doctor sniffing at our lack of willpower and a stranger on the street looking at us with disdain. Always. We are a fat phobic culture and despite our ever-increasing number of fat and obese people, ironically, the phobia remains. We are the least desirable companions, employees, co-workers, fellow-travelers, lovers -- no matter our race or ethnicity, we are all treated with the same pity and revulsion. If I sound completely negative you'll have to forgive me. I have lived 61 years in this body, starting my first diet at age 7. I know from where I speak. So I hope you write more, Taffy. I need to read it and know someone understands what I have felt all of my life, with a few short-lived periods of exception. Those times almost made it worse--to live your dream and then have it taken away more than once is the ultimate cruelty. Thank you for telling your truth in this article. It meant a lot to me.
27
A whole food, plant based lifestyle will resolve nearly all of this nonsense. You can pretty much eat as much as you want. And if you educate yourself about WHY you are doing this, then it becomes pretty simple. Your body will thank you, the planet will thank you and all those animals that will not suffer because of you will certainly thank you. And I thank you in advance. Please give it a try. You have everything to gain.
12
Nonsense? To anyone overweight that is such a slap in the face. This is not a politically correct response, it's a response to offer kindness.
7
I do agree with you on this: I began to be in remission from compulsive, tormenting eating when I said to myself that I no longer wanted to be a consumer of large quantities of anything. I just stopped eating so much out of respect for the planet, and I because a vegetarian to stop bothering the poor animals. Weight zoomed down and I am blessed with peace of mind because I am rid of that constant, aching need to consume. (But I don't want to be a hypocrite. I'm still a clothesaholic, lol. Working on it.)
4
This is not nonsense, and for so many people a "whole food, plant based lifestyle" is too expensive or unattainable in today's society. People who need to work multiple jobs at minimum wage while supporting children are not going to be able to shop at ridiculously overpriced Whole Foods or keep up their own private vegetable garden (or afford the land to grow food.) The fast food industry is so successful because for many people it is all they can afford or have the time to consume.
4
I can't believe how skinny Oprah was.
3
I know lots of folks struggle with weight and health.Even Oprah confronted her thyroid problem which contributed to her weight. And Oprah is far from perfect as a media executive or weight reduction spokesperson. So is Mindy Grossman formerly of Home Shopping Network. Try to tell the people you love and care about what you handle about their well meaning mistakes. And don't assume it is impossible to avoid diabetes but yes,even a Mary Tyler Moore with a life long perfect image,lost her struggle with it. But don't trust Weight Watchers meetings to make the difference. I know because my first wife tried them and she was suckered into false hope and pre packaged meals.
5
MTM's Type One diabetes has nothing to do with this article.
3
I don't care for Weight Watchers, either. There's a much better free program called Overeaters Anonymous. No points, no diets, no weigh-ins, no fat shaming. Just sharing and listening.
2
I remember being scolded by my father at 7 years old for eating cookies. "Do you really need those cookies?" he would ask. The number of people who commented on my size when I was young - from my father to mean kids in school to men I dated - is many. Now at 55 I am comfortable with myself, though I would prefer not to be on meds for cholesterol management and pre-diabetes.
But here's the thing. I was on those meds for cholesterol when I was 30 pounds lighter, and I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my second child at 30. My body was already betraying me and every diet I tried a long time ago. It would have taken - indeed, would take - an enormous amount of work, self-control and deprivation for me to get my weight down 30 pounds to where it was before I had my first child at 28.
And one last thing - I was not fat when I young, like you, Taffy. I weighed 112 pounds when I was 5'5" at the age of 14. And yet, there was still weight to lose, according to those around me who felt it was their right to tell me what my body should look like.
But here's the thing. I was on those meds for cholesterol when I was 30 pounds lighter, and I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with my second child at 30. My body was already betraying me and every diet I tried a long time ago. It would have taken - indeed, would take - an enormous amount of work, self-control and deprivation for me to get my weight down 30 pounds to where it was before I had my first child at 28.
And one last thing - I was not fat when I young, like you, Taffy. I weighed 112 pounds when I was 5'5" at the age of 14. And yet, there was still weight to lose, according to those around me who felt it was their right to tell me what my body should look like.
7
Thank you, Ms. Brodesser-Akner. The similarities of your story to my own are uncanny, and evidently shared amongst many readers who have posted here. Just this morning, prior to reading your article, I was ready to return to the weight-loss program I have had success with in the past, but felt so conflicted as I revisited my history of dieting, which has had the trajectory of a yo-yo over the course of 46 years! Why keep doing something over and over, yet expecting different results THIS TIME? I am healthy (no meds, perfect blood pressure, dance & yoga teacher) but cannot view the number that greets me every morning on the scale without disappointment if it is not in the loss column. May we both use your research and insightful commentary as a step towards accepting ourselves as healthy beings, and changing our internal narrative incrementally each day.
3
Rita-stay off that scale!
1
Having just returned from three weeks in America I am surprised that not more people are morbidly obese. The sheer quantity of food served in restaurants is mind-boggling. And yet time after time we saw (generally very fat) people ordering multiple courses. To us it was jaw-dropping.
I can only recall about three meals we were physically able to finish, yet the locals were puttin' it away, no problem.
(Oh, I must add: the quality just wasn't there, at all. Whether it was fast food or fine dining, it was totally uninspiring.)
In case it comes across that I'm America-bashing, sorry. I love your country. It's the food that doesn't get me at all.
I can only recall about three meals we were physically able to finish, yet the locals were puttin' it away, no problem.
(Oh, I must add: the quality just wasn't there, at all. Whether it was fast food or fine dining, it was totally uninspiring.)
In case it comes across that I'm America-bashing, sorry. I love your country. It's the food that doesn't get me at all.
22
Then, there is this: As I mentioned in my comment above, daily I see more obese and morbidly obese people than those of normal weight. My employer recognizes this, and has implemented incentives such as health insurance discounts, free Fitbits, and "fun" events like 5ks and walks to encourage more activity.
BUT:
Go to the cafeteria for breakfast and lunch and see a vast array of fried foods in huge portions. Two-for-one donut specials. Just added, a 44-oz. soft drink option. Sugary cereals for breakfast. The salad bar is anemic most days, and I guess to disguise that the dressing comes in big, help- yourself jugs so people end up drowning their salads in bleu cheese.
This is sabotage of the first order. Don't encourage healthy lifestyles if you can't at least meet people halfway, especially when those people spend more than half their days at the office, and need support to lose the weight.
BUT:
Go to the cafeteria for breakfast and lunch and see a vast array of fried foods in huge portions. Two-for-one donut specials. Just added, a 44-oz. soft drink option. Sugary cereals for breakfast. The salad bar is anemic most days, and I guess to disguise that the dressing comes in big, help- yourself jugs so people end up drowning their salads in bleu cheese.
This is sabotage of the first order. Don't encourage healthy lifestyles if you can't at least meet people halfway, especially when those people spend more than half their days at the office, and need support to lose the weight.
4
Yep, you are right. We have pretty unhealthy, uninspiring food here, unless you are rich enough to afford fine dining at five star restaurants. But even these can be meh. I had a date with a guy last week who treated me to a five hundred dollar meal at a reputedly top-notch, posh Italian bistro. The food was bland, overdone and the portions so huge they almost made me gag. I have also eaten at small, unassuming restaurants excellent, simple fare. But finding those kinds of places has become harder and harder to do.
1
That last paragraph, watching thin people simply eat and drink the things you (WE) would not eat or drink, things we'd think 100 times about and STILL not consume, that paragraph is my life.
12
As a holistic health coach, I help people change their relationship with self to change the way they feel. When this happens, your spirit is fed and that is the most satiating food of all. You're a sweet soul. Much love to you.
3
This really touched me, and encapsulated so many things I feel. I am a guy who has lost and gained between 1500 and 2000 pounds over the last 60 years, usually between 120 and 150 at a time. And each time I swear this will be the last, while I know that it won’t. It doesn’t matter that I feel better and that I can stop many meds and my blood work numbers become phenomenally good. (My internists are always stunned at the speed of the loss, how much I do with exercise, and how radically everything about me changes.)
I wish I were a different person, in this regard, but I do not every expected to be.
I wish I were a different person, in this regard, but I do not every expected to be.
5
A thoughtful piece and I wonder if any of us who do lose the weight ever feel relaxed around the issue of food. Still, I while the article touched on the "lean" and "strong" buzzwords, it missed the boat on the role of exercise and weight loss. As the winner of the Biggest Loser found, many of us who lose the weight we want to/need to/should find, we cannot eat the way we see our naturally thin peers eat and keep the weight off. For me, that means walking, swimming or running each and every day. The food message gets garbled because we start heavier over factors that are often genetic. We may never attain a relaxed relationship with food but we can, I think, at least level the playing field with consistent movement. In that forum, the love-yourself message of acceptance is paramount. It supplies the courage to begin working out in public, it gets you to do it consistently, and it counter-balances the self-loathing that underpins so much of our attitudes anour our bodies with a sense of pride.
6
My bread and butter as a scientist is breaking down big problems into digestible pieces. This article addresses many good questions: What are the health consequences of being overweight? How efficient is dieting? What are the mental and physical effects of long-term dieting? Are there circumstances where the challenges and stress of a diet are more harmful than the benefits of the weight loss?
I think many if not all of these questions could be addressed by scientific studies, if they haven't been already. While individual studies can be narrow in focus, and equivocal in their recommendations, a reliable scientific consensus generally emerges over time. This information can be of considerable help in navigating extremely complex social and medical situations like weight loss.
Science advances slowly, but with a relatively sure footing. Its advice can be stern or discouraging, certainly less appealing than miracle products or movie star endorsements. But as this article vividly describes, dieting is often a journey in frustration, doubt and uncertainty. One can't expect a silver bullet from science, but can ask for guidance, and support (industry-independent) scientists trying to provide answers.
I think many if not all of these questions could be addressed by scientific studies, if they haven't been already. While individual studies can be narrow in focus, and equivocal in their recommendations, a reliable scientific consensus generally emerges over time. This information can be of considerable help in navigating extremely complex social and medical situations like weight loss.
Science advances slowly, but with a relatively sure footing. Its advice can be stern or discouraging, certainly less appealing than miracle products or movie star endorsements. But as this article vividly describes, dieting is often a journey in frustration, doubt and uncertainty. One can't expect a silver bullet from science, but can ask for guidance, and support (industry-independent) scientists trying to provide answers.
2
Ms. Brodesser-Akner's article does a great job of conveying what it feels like to contend with the issue of weight and weight loss, which has become so tangled and conflicted with notions of beauty, self-worth, and self-esteem in our society. Her list of insults she's received (not needing a life preserver because she would float, etc.) is a touching and painful litany of what heavy people must be subjected to. I don't have this problem myself, but I do have others--as we all do--and this saying came to mind as I finished the article: "Be kind to every person you meet, for each of us carries a heavy burden." And that goes for ourselves and well as for others.
8
I've been dieting on and off for the past 20 years. I'm 5'10" and I've yoyo'd between 200 and 175 lbs. I also keep a daily calorie and activity spreadsheet. I can only speak for myself, but my body is very predictable. If I keep a daily calorie deficit of 500 calories for a few months, I lose weight as if by the textbook. When I consistently eat more than my daily calorie allowance of 2200, I gain weight. It's all in my spreadsheet. Now, why do I go through periods during whuch I consistently eat more than 2200 daily calories? Stress and loneliness. A lot of those extra calories come from alcohol which I use to cope with both. All of this is so predictable with me it's almost laughable.
12
Well-written and very interesting.
I'm a fat but healthy 5'8" 57 year-old man, with a history of large weight losses (over 40 lbs) 4 or 5 times since adolescence, achieving my ideal weight each time. The last time that I was at my goal weight, 175-180 lbs was 2002. I'm much better at losing the weight than at keeping it off. One year ago, after nearly breaking a friend's lawn chair that hadn't been designed to support my 257 lbs, I undertook my latest, and if my heart has anything to say about it, my last-chance diet. Last week marked one year of my current campaign and I'm down to 220 lbs. I'm very pleased, people are being very positive, though some notice nothing at all. I'm wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear in 10 years and my motivation to continue is going strong. It may be 2019 when I reach my goal, but I will reach it. Then the hard part starts.
I'm a fat but healthy 5'8" 57 year-old man, with a history of large weight losses (over 40 lbs) 4 or 5 times since adolescence, achieving my ideal weight each time. The last time that I was at my goal weight, 175-180 lbs was 2002. I'm much better at losing the weight than at keeping it off. One year ago, after nearly breaking a friend's lawn chair that hadn't been designed to support my 257 lbs, I undertook my latest, and if my heart has anything to say about it, my last-chance diet. Last week marked one year of my current campaign and I'm down to 220 lbs. I'm very pleased, people are being very positive, though some notice nothing at all. I'm wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear in 10 years and my motivation to continue is going strong. It may be 2019 when I reach my goal, but I will reach it. Then the hard part starts.
3
Is there new information about quality of life and life span of senior overweight/obese people? There are many people in their seventies who weigh 250 lbs or more.
What happens if a obese person says to heck with it, I am done with worrying about weight and not do anything about it? Wouldn't they continue to gain more weight?
Thin people have easier life than heavy ones. But how much should one obsess over 10 to 20 pound weight over the ' standard'? In these situations food can feel like destroyer of life rather than sustainer.
What happens if a obese person says to heck with it, I am done with worrying about weight and not do anything about it? Wouldn't they continue to gain more weight?
Thin people have easier life than heavy ones. But how much should one obsess over 10 to 20 pound weight over the ' standard'? In these situations food can feel like destroyer of life rather than sustainer.
4
Sadly, it seems that the best weight control program is to never gain excess weight in the first place.
8
As a weight counselor, it's not an either/or case of blaming the victim or shaming the weight-loss industry. What about the food industry? What about the profit motive behind food formulation, production, marketing, and sales? Every (heavier) generation cooks less and buys more prepared foods. The author here freely admits she has no idea how to eat when she's not on a diet. How does this happen after a life of studying how to eat? Since the dawn of packaged food, the food industry has been working to convince us we are too busy, or too important, or too special, to cook for ourselves.
We produce more calories than we can consume, and we enhance prepared foods with sugar, salt and fat. The nutrient value in our crops has been shrinking due to exhausted soil and poor farming practices.
The science of marketing, distributing, placing, and encouraging consumers to feel hungry and feel free to eat in more places is highly developed.
We have increasing plate size, serving size, drink size, popcorn size, supersize, etc. We have increasing economic pressures, longer work hours, greater general stress (real or perceived). Food is a quick fix to stress.
The industry has deliberately confused and disempowered consumers for generations, so they don't know what's a good choice anymore. And we find overweight surprising? Write about all this, please.
We produce more calories than we can consume, and we enhance prepared foods with sugar, salt and fat. The nutrient value in our crops has been shrinking due to exhausted soil and poor farming practices.
The science of marketing, distributing, placing, and encouraging consumers to feel hungry and feel free to eat in more places is highly developed.
We have increasing plate size, serving size, drink size, popcorn size, supersize, etc. We have increasing economic pressures, longer work hours, greater general stress (real or perceived). Food is a quick fix to stress.
The industry has deliberately confused and disempowered consumers for generations, so they don't know what's a good choice anymore. And we find overweight surprising? Write about all this, please.
11
Sitting on my desk, 71 years old, looking back to my past, being a man with less than 10% body fat and a great health.
What can I say?
I have not really worked very hard to get there, but I took
care of my body and exercised all my life with the strong determination of not getting any weight, eating the right food regardless of how much every day. If I felt full one day, I was running the next morning to get my body in shape.
Never, ever let the fat pile on or you will fail like so many. Self-esteem should be stronger than laziness. Lazyness is the evil. Self-excuse because so many are like you, is another evil.
What goes in your body is what makes "you dig your tomb with your teeth", as people said to me when I was young.
I never went on diet, restricting myself or weighting my food.
I simply always have the good sense to stop eating before my body was full, eating my own organic whole foods my mother prepared and my wife prepares, drinking the occasional glass of wine and a lot of good water coming from the tap, where it is still drinkable (no longer true in so many places in this country, pity) and more and more often nowadays, drinking from a carefully selected good bottle of spring water.
Prepared drink and prepared food keep you lazy and here you are, fat and fat and fat and too late fat.
Can you imagine where you will be in 20 years and how many more kg you will weight if you are still there counting or watching?
Yes, I can.
What can I say?
I have not really worked very hard to get there, but I took
care of my body and exercised all my life with the strong determination of not getting any weight, eating the right food regardless of how much every day. If I felt full one day, I was running the next morning to get my body in shape.
Never, ever let the fat pile on or you will fail like so many. Self-esteem should be stronger than laziness. Lazyness is the evil. Self-excuse because so many are like you, is another evil.
What goes in your body is what makes "you dig your tomb with your teeth", as people said to me when I was young.
I never went on diet, restricting myself or weighting my food.
I simply always have the good sense to stop eating before my body was full, eating my own organic whole foods my mother prepared and my wife prepares, drinking the occasional glass of wine and a lot of good water coming from the tap, where it is still drinkable (no longer true in so many places in this country, pity) and more and more often nowadays, drinking from a carefully selected good bottle of spring water.
Prepared drink and prepared food keep you lazy and here you are, fat and fat and fat and too late fat.
Can you imagine where you will be in 20 years and how many more kg you will weight if you are still there counting or watching?
Yes, I can.
7
PPA, 1/ good for you - the program you followed has worked. 2/ It's not going to work for so many others - it's just so much more (biochemically) complicated than that.
6
Wow, yes, I can see where you will be in 20 years. You will be, as you are now, awfully smug and superior, blind to the accidents of genetics and circumstance that have helped you stay oh so pure and skinny.
29
I have compassion for the overweight among us. They get a raw deal simply because the challenges they face in their interior worlds are visible. Countless others suffer other compulsions one cannot readily see, such as those involving alcohol, sex, or gambling. We must become less judgmental as a society.
14
For me, emotional eating has been the most important puzzle piece. The book A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson has helped me more than anything. She focus on healing spiritually, rather than weight "management."
1
In the words of my primary care doctor, who needs ISIS when we have high fructose corn syrup? I am a 69 year old obese female and former yo-yo dieter approaching bariatric surgery in the fall with fear and excitement. Could not do another diet. Even at 270, I have strong heart, no blockages, no diabetes, and only mild arthritis. Genetics, HP medication, and a statin have given me that. But I want to approach the years I have left having more fun. I am restricted by my weight in so many ways, by stigmatization (my own and other people's), and just physical restrictions like airplane seats. This was a great article. We need to make peace with ourselves somehow.
10
There is so much tied up in this honest, down-to-earth portrayal that it's impossible to tease out all the components. As with most other American women, I've been right alongside Taffy in these gut-wrenching inner conflicts. There are 2 main problems facing science and society in this realm of discussion, at least that come to me now. Firstly, western medicine has forged ahead without acknowledging that the body and mind are one. Secondly, societal bias always suppresses, mocks and ignores scientific evidence it doesn't like. The following quote by Upton Sinclair popped into my head more than once while reading this article: “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”
10
I can relate so much to your experience, Taffy, and to the constant obsession with food and weight. I am now free of all that, hopefully forever. For the last 13 years I have completely abstain from all forms of sweetener, including sugar, honey, and artificial sweeteners. I also abstain from non-nutritious other foods like chips, crackers, fried foods, and most processed foods.
At first it was an act of desperation. I couldn't stand one more minute of obsessing about food and weight. I went to Overeaters Anonymous and followed the suggestions of other people just like me one day at a time.
It's not a diet because it has no goal, no end point, no weigh-ins, no fees, no doctors or experts. Instead it has rich relationships and simple actions that truly work.
It's possible to live at a healthy weight without feeling deprived and not really thinking much about food and weight. It does require leaving behind a lot of unhelpful knowledge and assumptions about food, and the ability to not care about what other people think.
At first it was an act of desperation. I couldn't stand one more minute of obsessing about food and weight. I went to Overeaters Anonymous and followed the suggestions of other people just like me one day at a time.
It's not a diet because it has no goal, no end point, no weigh-ins, no fees, no doctors or experts. Instead it has rich relationships and simple actions that truly work.
It's possible to live at a healthy weight without feeling deprived and not really thinking much about food and weight. It does require leaving behind a lot of unhelpful knowledge and assumptions about food, and the ability to not care about what other people think.
8
"A skinny woman was eating a cupcake and talking on her phone, tonguing the icing as if she were on ecstasy. Another skinny woman drank a regular Dr Pepper as if it were nothing, as if it were just a drink. I ... watched through the window people eating cheeseburgers and French fries and talking gigantically." If the goal is to eat unhealthy, industrialized food, then as a society we are doomed. Those people may be skinny but they are not healthy. It's our sick relationship to food that is the problem, exacerbated by companies such as WW that "feed off" their customers and perpetuate false solutions. I recently visited my sister-in-law, a life-long, yo-yo Weight Watcher. I was appalled at the foods the program provided. If I had to eat the bleached flour tiny muffins and call that breakfast, I'd cheat too. I can't imagine anything more miserable than reducing food to a point system. Think "whole" food.
7
Actually one cupcake can have less calories than an actual meal with real foods in moderation.
That cupcake may be her lunch, or she may be starving herself all day to "deserve" it.
It's like all my skinniest high school students whose lunch was a bag of hot Cheetos and a Diet Coke. Moderate calories but no nutrition.
That cupcake may be her lunch, or she may be starving herself all day to "deserve" it.
It's like all my skinniest high school students whose lunch was a bag of hot Cheetos and a Diet Coke. Moderate calories but no nutrition.
2
I have dieted since I was fourteen years of age, probably without need but spurred on by societies obsession with the "perfect size/perfect weight" philosophy. I am now 60 and since then have done all and myriad types of weight loss programs and regimens. Primary among these has been Weight Watcher's which I did for the first time at age twenty two after my second child. Since moving to Spain in 1980 I was only again able to re-join WW's some 13 years ago when they opened locally in Málaga, my current place of residence. I mention specifically where I have practiced the Weight Watcher diet due to the difference I have found in counseling what to eat and how to eat it. Visiting family in Miami and hoping to maintain my weight while there for an extended stay, I did WW's and found it to be very different in form and substance. Here in Spain, always you are told to eat fresh, cook with fresh vegetables, meat, fruit, fish, dairy etc. and limit if not totally disdain processed foods. The points program allows you to learn how to feed you and your family in a healthy and varied way. And that day you must have that something extra you can't live without you learn how to do so without guilt and jump back in quickly to your nutrition routine. Yes, it's something I've come to accept as always with me, the constant vigil of what I eat but at least with Weight Watcher's as we practice it in Spain I feel I am getting a real helping hand.
2
I always remember the time I visited a dear friend who was slender, pretty, massively intelligent and accomplished and loved by everyone her entire life. Not having seen her for a couple of years I said something like “you’re looking good” and she - in her mid-30’s at the time - replied “I weigh about 2 pounds more than I would like”. This is what has been done to American women - the brainwashing about weight that would cause someone like her to even CARE about 2 pounds - to even bother getting on a scale to KNOW about the 2 pounds - to even be self-conscious enough to mention it! And by the way, this wonderful woman died of brain cancer at the age of 59 - her life of rigid control did not protect her from an early death.
12
The thing that I find saddest about this article is that *compulsive eating* is never mentioned.
I am a compulsive eater. Compulsive eating is a problem that has a non-diet solution. For me, a compulsive eater, weight was just the symptom. Eating compulsively was my problem. My obsession with my fatness and weight just masked the real problem.
Not every person with "weight issues" is a compulsive eater. But for a compulsive eater like me, my experience is that a focus on changing my weight was never a long term solution. I tired it from age 7 or so to age 28...diet doctors, Metrecal, the egg diet, Atkins, the rice diet, you name it. I would lose weight and gain more back. Over and over and over.
For me, even being thinner was not wellness. When I would lose weight by dieting or restricting, but was still eating compulsively and trying to fight food, I did not feel good about myself, despite the "skinny high."
For me, recovery one day at a time from compulsive eating gives me peace and a sense of being right with the world that I never experienced before recovery. Without compulsive eating, my body moved to a new place, if you will. And oh yes, that place is less than half my top weight and has been since 1979.
If anyone can relate, Overeaters Anonymous is worth checking out. There are no dues or fees. There are face to face meetings, phone meetings, online meetings. It's anonymous. No scales or weigh ins. www.oa.org
I am a compulsive eater. Compulsive eating is a problem that has a non-diet solution. For me, a compulsive eater, weight was just the symptom. Eating compulsively was my problem. My obsession with my fatness and weight just masked the real problem.
Not every person with "weight issues" is a compulsive eater. But for a compulsive eater like me, my experience is that a focus on changing my weight was never a long term solution. I tired it from age 7 or so to age 28...diet doctors, Metrecal, the egg diet, Atkins, the rice diet, you name it. I would lose weight and gain more back. Over and over and over.
For me, even being thinner was not wellness. When I would lose weight by dieting or restricting, but was still eating compulsively and trying to fight food, I did not feel good about myself, despite the "skinny high."
For me, recovery one day at a time from compulsive eating gives me peace and a sense of being right with the world that I never experienced before recovery. Without compulsive eating, my body moved to a new place, if you will. And oh yes, that place is less than half my top weight and has been since 1979.
If anyone can relate, Overeaters Anonymous is worth checking out. There are no dues or fees. There are face to face meetings, phone meetings, online meetings. It's anonymous. No scales or weigh ins. www.oa.org
7
Read the Obesity Code by Jason Fung! It makes more sense than any other books I have read. At last there is a way to lose and maintain weight. His blogs are informative too.
4
I appreciated the personal and detailed story from Taffy but for all that ink, I wish there had been more discussion of the science showing WHY it's so hard for "higher weight" people to lose weight. Reference e.g. "Fat", a serious PBS documentary of all the science broadcast a few years ago. Your body passes a turning point of what it biochemically accepts as your "normal" weight and fights loss thereafter to keep you from "starving."
I believe truly thinner is better BUT it is truly about health. If you can maintain activity and health even if your image to others isn't acceptable to them, you're well justified telling them off. But if extra weight threatens you with shorter life, lifestyle limitations, and chronic health issues, especially those imposing costs on others or society, there is no real place for "body positive" acceptance of overweight if something can be done. But the rest of us "thinners" have to be understanding and supportive for the second group. We all have to be together in helping each other to change whole livestyles to be healthy. I haven't been there but I've seen it ain't easy.
I believe truly thinner is better BUT it is truly about health. If you can maintain activity and health even if your image to others isn't acceptable to them, you're well justified telling them off. But if extra weight threatens you with shorter life, lifestyle limitations, and chronic health issues, especially those imposing costs on others or society, there is no real place for "body positive" acceptance of overweight if something can be done. But the rest of us "thinners" have to be understanding and supportive for the second group. We all have to be together in helping each other to change whole livestyles to be healthy. I haven't been there but I've seen it ain't easy.
4
The problem with so-called diets is they are regarded as temporary thing o0r fixes. There is no such thing. As a victim of every diet from Weight Watcher to Opt-fast, all I ended up with morbidly obese with type II diabetes. My doctor wanted me to get a gastric bypass, but I the more I looked into the them, the more I was convinced they were another pie-in-the-sky fix. Instead, I looked into what made me fat and what made me sick. I then stopped eating those things completely. Weight fled, diabetes II fled. Is this a diet, or a change in my knowledge of metabolic distress, and human physiology? Yes. Diets are nonsense, and finally, dangerous. I gave up cereal, bread, and M&M's forever. Being obese is no fun, despite what body-acceptance advocates say. I can tell you because I wracked in at 380 at one point. No mas.
6
The only thing that works for me and I've done everything else : OA HOW. Phone meetings available 7 days a week at OAHOWPhonemeetings.org. Hundreds of members just like you have lost the weight and kept it off and found relief from the physical and emotional pain that led to or resulted from the food and weight.
1
Brilliant article! Taffy, you are a great writer at any size.
12
Bless you, Taffy - for your honest words, for sharing your story, for shedding a little light on this crazy industry, and for bringing me to tears of understanding. So many things you shared about your story could have been my story. This is one of the best and most honest stories I have read about weight loss/health in well, ever. Thank you.
7
Absolutely beautifully written, Taffy: raw, energetic, real. I wish you all the best, and more.
9
Fresh vegetables and meats. No high fructose corn syrup, no white sugar, no pasta, no bread (inc. whole grain), no cookies or cake, no potatoes, no rice, no beans, etc. No processed foods. No more than 2 restaurant meals a week. Very little cheese, nuts, corn products, beer. Buy only hormone and antibiotic-free meats and dairy. Use only cane sugar (not white sugar or sweeteners) in coffee and teas.
Nobody will stick to this 100% all the time, but when you fall off the wagon, don't buy bigger clothes. Be miserable and uncomfortable until your jeans fit again. It's not really deprivation, you can eat all the salads, broth (not cream) based soups, stews, steaks, etc. you like.
It all starts in the grocery store. Just buy "fresh" and avoid carbs, sugar and processed foods, basically. A rarely mentioned problem is having to grocery shop for the whole family. A good diet has to be a whole-family thing, cause if it's in the house, you will eat it.
Exercise helps fitness and health, but won't make you lose weight. Be aware that it increases your appetite, which can create a vicious cycle.
Another thing......you can splurge one day a week, but if you're back on the wagon the rest of the week, you should be okay.
I'm 5'8" and have been 115 - 125 lbs. all my life. Not to lord that over anybody, just hoping this advice helps. You've got all of Madison Avenue and Big Ag working against you. Eat healthy just to spite them. Good luck!
Nobody will stick to this 100% all the time, but when you fall off the wagon, don't buy bigger clothes. Be miserable and uncomfortable until your jeans fit again. It's not really deprivation, you can eat all the salads, broth (not cream) based soups, stews, steaks, etc. you like.
It all starts in the grocery store. Just buy "fresh" and avoid carbs, sugar and processed foods, basically. A rarely mentioned problem is having to grocery shop for the whole family. A good diet has to be a whole-family thing, cause if it's in the house, you will eat it.
Exercise helps fitness and health, but won't make you lose weight. Be aware that it increases your appetite, which can create a vicious cycle.
Another thing......you can splurge one day a week, but if you're back on the wagon the rest of the week, you should be okay.
I'm 5'8" and have been 115 - 125 lbs. all my life. Not to lord that over anybody, just hoping this advice helps. You've got all of Madison Avenue and Big Ag working against you. Eat healthy just to spite them. Good luck!
7
I am a naturally slim male of some six decades. I look at obese people like I do at smokers: It's a free country, do what you want, but please relieve me from having to pay for your willful self-destructive indulgences, or requiring me to bear the delusion that your distorted form is healthy. The excellent writing here prompts me to examine my own biases regarding big people. These accounts help me find compassion, and I look forward to more.
14
In the fifties, hardly anybody was overweight, and diabetes and cancer were RARE! The sad truth is that most people have no idea how to take care of their health, and the food we are eating is just horrible and guaranteed to make us sick! And, FAT! People eat Waaaay too much, and Waaaay too much Starch and Sugar! I guarantee you that if you cut way down on bread and pasta, potatoes, crackers, cake, etc. and sugar, and eat mostly vegetables, fruits and salads, you will not only lose weight but you will feel fantastic. I am 76 and I know what I'm talking about!
5
Totally agree, jimfaye. The American weight problem is a multi-headed hydra, for sure, and another factor could be.......we used to be a country that MADE things. Now we're a country that CONSUMES things. The approach to food seems an outgrowth of late-stage capitalist consumerism. Many Americans sit at desks and in long commutes to come home and watch TV. The trade-off for boredom and unfulfillment is money spent eating, shopping and being entertained.......none of which has lasting meaning or satisfaction. What's gone missing is a passion for doing or making stuff ourselves. Besides the physical activity, doing/making is so absorbing mentally and creatively, you don't even think about food. Gardening, sewing, art, volunteer work......who knows what one's passion might be! Just so it's something besides shopping and eating, i.e. consuming.
7
It was a long long article but the iprah part struck me
Very interesting very relevant to me. But kind of left me hanging! I found hope and acceptance in parts but wanted more.
Please continue the rumination maybe that's what we all need to go thru to help.individualize it and dialogue with ourselves; amongst ourselves.... ..
Very interesting very relevant to me. But kind of left me hanging! I found hope and acceptance in parts but wanted more.
Please continue the rumination maybe that's what we all need to go thru to help.individualize it and dialogue with ourselves; amongst ourselves.... ..
1
Great piece, points well made, until the end when I came to this line—"A skinny woman was eating a cupcake...tonguing the icing as if she were on ecstasy." I could have been that woman. But here's the deal. Maybe it was the first cupcake I had all month. Maybe I'd go to the gym after to try to burn it off. I don't know any slim person over 30 who can keep their weight down without some degree of self-discipline or deprivation. Her feelings of being cut off from people "so at ease around their food and bodies" feels overwrought and self-pitying. As she said, there's no such thing as magic, and most of us get that.
6
You are a brilliant writer with a wicked sense of humor. Glad you're becoming a brilliant feature writer as well!
9
The best measure of fitness is % body fat. Heavily muscled folks who will also be heavily boned, can't be judged by ordinary standards....for instance. Waist size, however, is a better indication of overall obesity than gross weight. Older tables based on age and weight averages are now obsolete. It is well known that folks lose muscle and bone density as they age.
Dieting as such provides little motivation. Walking, running, cycling, rowing, etc. against the clock, for personal achievement and sometimes in competition in organized races, will provide strong motivation. Age group competition is available in most sports of this type. It will become obvious very quickly that any weight loss, accounting for increased muscularity, will provide improved and improving performance and motivation will be provided. Walking, in particular, can be performed as long as the jointsd
Dieting as such provides little motivation. Walking, running, cycling, rowing, etc. against the clock, for personal achievement and sometimes in competition in organized races, will provide strong motivation. Age group competition is available in most sports of this type. It will become obvious very quickly that any weight loss, accounting for increased muscularity, will provide improved and improving performance and motivation will be provided. Walking, in particular, can be performed as long as the jointsd
.....as long as the joints and cardiac status will permit. Race walking can provide as much upper body, trunk and leg exercise as is needed, with much less stress on feet, knees and hips since there is no "bounce", no leaving and returning to the surface in this form of progression.
2
I am a man. I am not terribly fat, although I would like to weigh less. I have been fat. I never tried dieting plans - other than “Eat less, exercise more” - and have lost weight. I make many mistakes. It takes a LONG TIME.
I really like your writing style; you include your very own thinking. You have the courage to put yourself out there.
I eagerly await reading your upcoming offerings.
Thank you.
I really like your writing style; you include your very own thinking. You have the courage to put yourself out there.
I eagerly await reading your upcoming offerings.
Thank you.
4
I'm not sure I agree with the conclusions but I certainly recognize the struggle. Mom, loathing my imperfections, took me to my first diet dr at agen8. I've been in every diet known to women, and had lapband surgery. I feel that self acceptance and self love is absolutely required before you make changes. If you decide to diet due to self loathing....we'll, if you hate yourself fat, you'll hate yourself thin.
3
Why does this author perpetuate confusion and the outrageous myth that no one really knows the cause of our obesity epidemic? She would have you believe that the same scientific community that put a man on the moon, sent the Rover to Mars, that transplants hearts and conquers cyber space has no idea what causes weight gain and obesity? That's ridiculous.
Science has proven beyond any doubt that fat storage is impossible in the absence of elevated blood sugar and insulin levels. Eat a high carb, high sugar diet and you will gain weight and eventually type 2 diabetes. In the last fifty-sixty years multinational food corporations have introduced countless "brand new", novel human foods that promote false hunger signals to boost their profits. Sound familiar? Think tabacco and nicotine enhancement.
We are now suggering from the largest uncontrolled dietary experiment in the history of mankind. The results thus far are deadly and devastating. It's crimminal what millions in lobbying money can do!
Cut the sugar and carbs. Eat like our hunter gatherer ancestors who ate 65% lean protein, 35% leafy vegetables, berries, nuts and seeds. Replicate that and you will arrive at your ideal weight.
About this article? How much advertising revenue does the New Times receive from multinational food corporations? And check out Gary Taubes article "What if Fat Doesn't Make you Fat"?
Science has proven beyond any doubt that fat storage is impossible in the absence of elevated blood sugar and insulin levels. Eat a high carb, high sugar diet and you will gain weight and eventually type 2 diabetes. In the last fifty-sixty years multinational food corporations have introduced countless "brand new", novel human foods that promote false hunger signals to boost their profits. Sound familiar? Think tabacco and nicotine enhancement.
We are now suggering from the largest uncontrolled dietary experiment in the history of mankind. The results thus far are deadly and devastating. It's crimminal what millions in lobbying money can do!
Cut the sugar and carbs. Eat like our hunter gatherer ancestors who ate 65% lean protein, 35% leafy vegetables, berries, nuts and seeds. Replicate that and you will arrive at your ideal weight.
About this article? How much advertising revenue does the New Times receive from multinational food corporations? And check out Gary Taubes article "What if Fat Doesn't Make you Fat"?
15
Try again. I've been eating a "paleo" style diet with very low carbs and sugar for years. Still fat.
7
You might want to do some research into the science about how our brains respond to actual or perceived deprivation. I think the reason we don't really understand why losing weight and keeping it off seems impossible is because we are just scratching the surface on how the brain works. We're now starting to see how our brain's survival mechanism kicks in, which is virtually impossible to override using a diet like Paleo or WW (or anything that restricts and deprives).
4
I've been there and done and felt all this. I needed a permanent solution for my health. I had gastric sleeve surgery four years ago, and kept off 75 lbs since then. The best part--no more of this weight angst. I live my life trying to eat in a healthy way. Is it radical? Yes, but the only proven method. Every health measure is better from blood sugar to knees. Thrilled to have done it.
4
You're about the tenth person here with a different "only proven method" for weight loss.
4
This may be the best writing on diet, food, women and body image I have every read. As well, it is so beautifully written I could cry. Touche, Ms. Taffy Brodesser-Akner.
30
The diet/ exercise concept is really confounding. I think my weight is on the high end of normal. I am a 65 year old woman. I am in a master's swim program and we train at 7:30 am. I used to train in an empty stomach. Then, a couple of times, I nearly fainted in the pool. I found out that athletes have to fuel both before and after a workout.
Fuel should be a combo of nutrients including carbs and protein so now I have a glass of milk before and fruit and plain no fat yogurt after. The added calories just ruined my diet. sigh
Fuel should be a combo of nutrients including carbs and protein so now I have a glass of milk before and fruit and plain no fat yogurt after. The added calories just ruined my diet. sigh
2
I'm a lifetime member of Weight Watchers, and Taffy's piece is an excellent examination of the diet struggle. I joined WW (again) in August 2015, feeling tired, sore, and on the verge of major health issues. I've lost a hundred pounds, and have maintained this loss for almost a year now.
I treat my diet as an alcoholic or drug addict treats their addiction. It has become, for better or worse, a major focus of my life. BUT, my weight was ALWAYS this overarching theme in my mind, even more when I was morbidly obese, as it prevented me from doing things I really enjoyed (beach, anyone?). If I'm a bit obsessive about what I'm eating, I see it as a fair trade for being able to walk 10K without effort, being able to go to any store and find clothes that fit and feel good, being able to simply bend over and tie my shoes without discomfort.
For me, Weight Watchers provides all of the keys that have been identified as essential for long-term weight loss. Nutritional information and tracking, exercise ideas and tracking, and a supportive weekly meeting where I can regularly check in with others going through the same experiences. I'm not obsessed with the number anymore. I pay much more attention to the types of food I eat, the ways I sometimes turn to food for comfort or out of stress or anxiety, and how my body feels after a great workout.
Thanks for articulating my own experiences so well, and best of luck to you as you navigate the world of food in your own way.
I treat my diet as an alcoholic or drug addict treats their addiction. It has become, for better or worse, a major focus of my life. BUT, my weight was ALWAYS this overarching theme in my mind, even more when I was morbidly obese, as it prevented me from doing things I really enjoyed (beach, anyone?). If I'm a bit obsessive about what I'm eating, I see it as a fair trade for being able to walk 10K without effort, being able to go to any store and find clothes that fit and feel good, being able to simply bend over and tie my shoes without discomfort.
For me, Weight Watchers provides all of the keys that have been identified as essential for long-term weight loss. Nutritional information and tracking, exercise ideas and tracking, and a supportive weekly meeting where I can regularly check in with others going through the same experiences. I'm not obsessed with the number anymore. I pay much more attention to the types of food I eat, the ways I sometimes turn to food for comfort or out of stress or anxiety, and how my body feels after a great workout.
Thanks for articulating my own experiences so well, and best of luck to you as you navigate the world of food in your own way.
7
We do not need to diet. We need to eat real food. For years the government has tried every trick thy could find to feed us the cheapest possible food available.
They developed HFCS that tells our brains to continue to eat even when we are full.
Then they went on to develop artificial sweeteners that made us fatter.
As for dairy foods they took all the fat out of milk and and told us we did not need it. It was a lie. They replaced cheese with cheese food... Butter was replaced by margarine. More money saved by industry while our health was destroyed.
One of the best foods this world ever had is wheat. In 1915 the Supreme Court said it was fine to poison wheat as long as we did not poison it too much. Now we have totally destroyed wheat. Then they added chemicals like Folic Acid from China.
We add preservatives to wheat while it is able in it's natural form to preserve itself for centuries.
Many have returned to buying organic wheat berries and grind them at home. The results are amazing.
The government is killing us. Want to get thin? Do not believe anything the government says. Their track record is horrendous. Eat real food.
They developed HFCS that tells our brains to continue to eat even when we are full.
Then they went on to develop artificial sweeteners that made us fatter.
As for dairy foods they took all the fat out of milk and and told us we did not need it. It was a lie. They replaced cheese with cheese food... Butter was replaced by margarine. More money saved by industry while our health was destroyed.
One of the best foods this world ever had is wheat. In 1915 the Supreme Court said it was fine to poison wheat as long as we did not poison it too much. Now we have totally destroyed wheat. Then they added chemicals like Folic Acid from China.
We add preservatives to wheat while it is able in it's natural form to preserve itself for centuries.
Many have returned to buying organic wheat berries and grind them at home. The results are amazing.
The government is killing us. Want to get thin? Do not believe anything the government says. Their track record is horrendous. Eat real food.
7
Love to, but doesn't quite fit in the budget, so forced to buy the other "stuff" on sale and add it to the expensive stuff. Meanwhile, smaller portions, less or little junk food, raw carrot or celery sticks (no dressing or peanut butter) if hunger strikes when I can't make it home to my real food.
I agree, there is something in the food chain that has caused us to have such a high rate of obesity, and now it appears, not only in this country.
I agree, there is something in the food chain that has caused us to have such a high rate of obesity, and now it appears, not only in this country.
3
Oh please, we don't need "Political Correctness for Dieting!" Move on.
4
Wow! This is a stunning article...thank you Taffy. I am stimulated and thinking..... am one of those "lucky" ones who has never been," on a diet"....You're brilliant
5
I agree with commenters who point out that there is no weight loss solution that works for everyone. However, I do think that we need better education on nutrition. I admit that since I have degrees in biochemistry, knowing what is protein vs fat vs carbs and reading labels is straightforward for me, but a functional knowledge is very attainable. I rarely look at the calorie counts, but do consider if I'm consuming a well balanced diet. And when I splurge, I am well aware of it and that's fine because with mindfulness about what I'm eating (not the calorie count) I tend toward balance.
The author is on to something about realizing you are your body - they are not two different entities. Therefore fuel yourself to enable yourself to do the things you want to do. To me that is not a diet. I'm certain that this approach does not ensure weight loss, but it will make you healthier and happier.
The author is on to something about realizing you are your body - they are not two different entities. Therefore fuel yourself to enable yourself to do the things you want to do. To me that is not a diet. I'm certain that this approach does not ensure weight loss, but it will make you healthier and happier.
6
Oddly enough, I've had the opposite problem: being over twenty pounds underweight, not due to being anorexic, but due to just not having the appetite to eat much; this is despite my lifestyle having been very sedentary (but quite thought-intensive). This could very well indicate that the scope of the problem needs to be broadened to weight change in either direction, not just weight loss.
7
Weight is a complex issue. It's about biology, physiology, psychological make-up, cultural conditioning, social learning, environment, personal experience, just to name a few. And all these factors interact to complicate matters further, so there is no one definitive answer to or holistic understanding of the weight issue. I have done research on Weight Watchers, and I know that for some of its members, being on the program has brought genuine benefits, not only in terms of weight loss, but also in terms of self-discovery. For many others, it's almost become a lifelong ritual of joining and dropping out. Weight Watchers is a for-profit business, but again, weight is such a complex issue, so it's not very veridical passing judgment just on Weight Watchers or any other weight loss service. Perhaps the awareness that it is a challenging issue to disentangle is a more productive stance of thinking about weight and trying to find the middle ground most workable for each individual.
6
I hope you do not get much criticism for your article, I respect your courage and thoroughness in writing it, as well as your heartfelt honesty with your own personal journey in being overweight. Thank you.
13
I look better when I'm slim and that matters to me. It's difficult because I'm always hungry. I could be eating every single minute of the day. So I try to eat healthy snacks (but don't always succeed) and what I call my petite meals. I like looking good and being able to wear nice clothes, so I'll soldier on in the Battle of the Bulge. I can't just decide to "love my body" if I'm straining the seams of my clothing. But people who can, good for you!
9
Tammy was correct to anticipate unhelpful responses from the readers. The smug: " Just find an exercise that you like and do it regularly." or , ( my favorite) " Just eat walnuts and you will be magically thin. "
There is a great deal of evidence that individual metabolisms differ drastically. Losing weight is easy for some and a lifelong and often futile struggle for others. And there is that insidious dieting rebound pattern and the medication induced weight gain issue.
It is encouraging to me that the news is getting out about sugar and fructose and low fat being counterproductive though. That said I like dessert.
There is a difference between morbid obesity and just being pretty overweight. It helps me to remember in my own struggle that the size of one's skeleton does not change as it is draped with more and more poundage. It does become strained and deformed though. Being too big does cause bone and joint and metabolic and mobility and cardiac issues.
But short of that I don't know why we want everyone obsessing about the difference between a size range. I think it is very mean to be huffy towards others on airplanes. I still fit in the seat fine but as I get older find that I have to adjust the seat belt larger and think " Who was the tiny little thing who sat here last ?" What if we started to let people know that their face was unpleasing and we'd prefer not to sit next to them ? Note to those who practice thinness as a religion: often your face suffers .
There is a great deal of evidence that individual metabolisms differ drastically. Losing weight is easy for some and a lifelong and often futile struggle for others. And there is that insidious dieting rebound pattern and the medication induced weight gain issue.
It is encouraging to me that the news is getting out about sugar and fructose and low fat being counterproductive though. That said I like dessert.
There is a difference between morbid obesity and just being pretty overweight. It helps me to remember in my own struggle that the size of one's skeleton does not change as it is draped with more and more poundage. It does become strained and deformed though. Being too big does cause bone and joint and metabolic and mobility and cardiac issues.
But short of that I don't know why we want everyone obsessing about the difference between a size range. I think it is very mean to be huffy towards others on airplanes. I still fit in the seat fine but as I get older find that I have to adjust the seat belt larger and think " Who was the tiny little thing who sat here last ?" What if we started to let people know that their face was unpleasing and we'd prefer not to sit next to them ? Note to those who practice thinness as a religion: often your face suffers .
13
Dieting and weight loss entirely aside, let's consider What Is Good Writing? This piece is flat-out one of the most compelling, powerful reads I have undertaken in I can't even think how long. Taffy's heartbreaking honesty combined with her skills as a journalist are breathtaking and provide an insight on what it is to live and struggle with one's body--the other "you," that she points out--that I've never understood so clearly or compellingly before. It's writing like hers that makes the New York Times the national treasure New York Times that it is.
58
Yes!!
1
I also thank Taffy B-A for writing this and, perhaps the Times' editor will let this comment appear and I'll thank the editor. MAGA.
The website-which-shall-not-be-named which I used to record my food and exercise for the past 18 months doesn't charge a darned cent for the service.
That's a pretty good deal, since I used the service in that time to lose 104 lb. Do I stop using the tools now? No. I keep eating and exercising and paying attention to my nutrition and energy balance. It's not hard once I learned how.
The website-which-shall-not-be-named which I used to record my food and exercise for the past 18 months doesn't charge a darned cent for the service.
That's a pretty good deal, since I used the service in that time to lose 104 lb. Do I stop using the tools now? No. I keep eating and exercising and paying attention to my nutrition and energy balance. It's not hard once I learned how.
3
Amen, Mr. Barry. I used that site and for the first time in my age 60+ life have kept off a significant loss for over four years- but am not thin, When I lost 35 lbs. my blood pressure dropped dramatically. Given a family history of heart disease, that is way more important than clothing size.
I tried many, many times to "be careful", but you can't change what you can't measure. (I suspect my metabolic rate is average, at best.)
I tried many, many times to "be careful", but you can't change what you can't measure. (I suspect my metabolic rate is average, at best.)
With all the talk about portions and points, not one of the well-known programs, or the content of nearly any weight loss conversation, talks about real nutrition.
REAL nutrition unlocks the door to weight loss. Dr. Joel Fuhrman has written many books about super-nutrition for everyone, and for people who want to lose weight. You can start by going to www.drfuhrman.com.
I can tell you with confidence and experience, that once you embark on Dr. Fuhrman's nutratarian lifetstyle, you will easily and permanently lose weight.
it's a plant-based diet, backed by years and years of extensive research and clinical practice.
It's a very simple equation: give your body the macro and micronutrients it needs, and it will return the favor by eliminating your cravings for junk and processed food you don't need. You'll get off the roller coaster of cravings and hunger that get the better of you. I absolutely promise.
It may seem extreme to give up meat, dairy, and oil (he does eventually allow some meat for people who want it) but which is more extreme -- the insane, restricted diets people try repeatedly without success, surgeries that permanently maim your body, or a genuine lifestyle change that gives you the nutrients your body naturally needs and is calling out for.
You decide: Oodles of programs that are doomed to failure from the start, or a generous program with delicious food that feels and tastes great, and improves your health in nearly every conceivable way.
REAL nutrition unlocks the door to weight loss. Dr. Joel Fuhrman has written many books about super-nutrition for everyone, and for people who want to lose weight. You can start by going to www.drfuhrman.com.
I can tell you with confidence and experience, that once you embark on Dr. Fuhrman's nutratarian lifetstyle, you will easily and permanently lose weight.
it's a plant-based diet, backed by years and years of extensive research and clinical practice.
It's a very simple equation: give your body the macro and micronutrients it needs, and it will return the favor by eliminating your cravings for junk and processed food you don't need. You'll get off the roller coaster of cravings and hunger that get the better of you. I absolutely promise.
It may seem extreme to give up meat, dairy, and oil (he does eventually allow some meat for people who want it) but which is more extreme -- the insane, restricted diets people try repeatedly without success, surgeries that permanently maim your body, or a genuine lifestyle change that gives you the nutrients your body naturally needs and is calling out for.
You decide: Oodles of programs that are doomed to failure from the start, or a generous program with delicious food that feels and tastes great, and improves your health in nearly every conceivable way.
6
Overweightis complicated, not just calories its a generalized inflammation. Overweight you have a whole body disease. See letusbeawarefolks.blogspot.com-Obesity is an inflammatory disease. This has detailed info about the many changes that take place and how to deal with them. The microbiome in the gut, that reduction of calories by fasting allowing vital repairs to take place are important. Diets are temporary, a whole new and patient and disciplined approach is needed and you need to understand why.
1
Good health and physical attractiveness matter on the evolutionary continuum. Hence so many of us struggle to maintain society's vision of both.
Yes, excellent article and welcome to the NYT Taffy!
Yes, excellent article and welcome to the NYT Taffy!
4
Calorie restricted dieting is victim blaming. Feed people food that doesn't satiate, then shame them for feeling hunger and eating what's available? Madness. Perhaps if we cut out the low fat dogma and allowed people to eat food that kept them full between meals we wouldn't be caught in this endless cycle of counting calories. It's not your fault that 4oz of chicken breast, steamed cauliflower and rice doesn't keep you full.
Being overweight, suffering inflammation and exhibiting high blood sugar is a much bigger risk for heart disease than eating saturated fat. Taking the stigma away from whole animal foods would help so many people maintain better health through simple satiety.
Being overweight, suffering inflammation and exhibiting high blood sugar is a much bigger risk for heart disease than eating saturated fat. Taking the stigma away from whole animal foods would help so many people maintain better health through simple satiety.
6
I gained a few pounds on Weight Watchers and I was following the program to a T. The problem is, I am not obese and there is just too much food on that program. I just wanted to lose 5 pounds without dieting. The original WW was much better.
3
I gained 20!
2
I see a lot of citing of the 3500 cals equals a pound in here...You might find this of interest. http://www.todaysdietitian.com/newarchives/111114p36.shtml
2
My God, did your article ever resonate with me. I appreciate the care and research that went into it. I share both your longings and misgivings having spent much of my life enmeshed in the same struggle. I especially like your conclusion - no glib solutions, no mottos, just continuing struggle. Great work!
12
Taffy Brodesser-Akner is my new favorite person! I love her. Certainly, she is now one of my favorite writers. What an incredible piece. I too have suffered through so much of what Taffy has described, and I have fantasized writing about it. But, wow, who can match this essay? Not only did she capture the pain (physical and psychological), she worked in studies, stories, and celebrities. And it was SO funny! I think if I had a choice between being the writer Taffy is or being thin, I'd choose the talent. Or wait...would I?
18
Not one mention of exercise? You want to lose weight, diet isn't enough. Exercise is the yin to the diet yang. And by exercise I mean getting on a treadmill, jacking up the elevation to the highest amount (15% usually) at the start and going at 3.5 miles per hour. In time you want to burn 200 calories by the time you hit the 20th minute, 400 by 40, 600 by 60. 4 days a week, no exceptions. I used to weigh 185 pounds, but when my triglyceride level came up high, I said it's time for a change. Fast forward to today, I've lost 55 pounds, and now my goal is to maintain my weight between 130 and 140 pounds. I weigh myself at the end of each treadmill session (Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday) and make sure I'm within range. I eat small portions of food, 3 meals a day, nothing in between, diet Coke and skim milk. It can be done without surgery or diets or fads. Really terrible that this author didn't even acknowledge exercise as the key to attainable and sustainable weight loss (I am, by the way, a 38 year old, 5'6'" male).
7
Try it again in a few years and report back, please.
12
Well good for !you aren't you great!
8
A.T..........look up NYTimes "Well" columns about exercise and diet. You'll find that the consensus these days is that exercise is very important for health and fitness, but does not necessarily correspond with weight loss. For one thing, it can increase appetite immensely. I always thought the TV show "The Biggest Loser" perverse for forcing overweight people into exercise extremes and depriving their resultant appetites. That's a crazy vicious cycle most people won't keep up their whole lives. Exercise to be fit. Eat fresh vegetables and meats to be slim.
4
Thanks you for writing such a wise and nuanced article. I, too, have struggled with my weight for much of my life. I've never had any particular desire to be thin; I'd just like to maintain a weight that works well for an active life-style.
I, too, have followed the Weight Watchers program at several points in my life and had reasonably good luck with it, although the weight came off slowly. The Mayo Clinic plan also, which leans toward a Mediterranean Diet seems like a sensible way of eating.
On Weight Watchers, I was able to lose 60 pounds over the course of a couple of years. I was even able to keep it off for about 6 years through eating lots of vegetables and fruits, and portion control. I still occasionally had totally unhealthy foods, but not too often.
Then I developed bipolar disorder and with it came medication. It seemed as though the only medication that worked for me caused weight gain, and I found myself getting discouraged. Even the Mayo Clinic "quick start" program seemed to do little. (They encourage you to be a bit strict for a couple of weeks so you see some loss, and then gradually moderate to a more flexible way of eating.)
I, too, have severe arthritis--have had two hip replacements and one knee replacement, with a second knee replacement coming up in October. I hate to take much pain medication, but in order to keep up with even moderate exercise, I find I need some.
Thanks again, Taffy, for your thoughtful article.
I, too, have followed the Weight Watchers program at several points in my life and had reasonably good luck with it, although the weight came off slowly. The Mayo Clinic plan also, which leans toward a Mediterranean Diet seems like a sensible way of eating.
On Weight Watchers, I was able to lose 60 pounds over the course of a couple of years. I was even able to keep it off for about 6 years through eating lots of vegetables and fruits, and portion control. I still occasionally had totally unhealthy foods, but not too often.
Then I developed bipolar disorder and with it came medication. It seemed as though the only medication that worked for me caused weight gain, and I found myself getting discouraged. Even the Mayo Clinic "quick start" program seemed to do little. (They encourage you to be a bit strict for a couple of weeks so you see some loss, and then gradually moderate to a more flexible way of eating.)
I, too, have severe arthritis--have had two hip replacements and one knee replacement, with a second knee replacement coming up in October. I hate to take much pain medication, but in order to keep up with even moderate exercise, I find I need some.
Thanks again, Taffy, for your thoughtful article.
6
Dear Taffy, Thank you for giving us such a truthful, wrenching story about weight. Like countless others, I've had exactly the same experience as you. I still struggle daily with the sheer physical imposition, and too often emotional shame, of my size. I have tried absolutely everything - except bariatric surgery, which I am considering now that I've amassed enough weight to qualify for insurance authorization. I've read that it alters the metabolism, and for this reason alone I have some degree of hope that it may help. But not too much: How can a knife succeed where years of sweat, effort, therapy, exercise, discipline, research, and support have failed? I personally wonder if something happens to us in the womb or early childhood, something cataclysmic in terms of our psychological/physical dispositions, that makes us forever predisposed or even condemned to be a size that everyone attributes to moral failure. You're a beautiful and brave writer. How about a piece on sexuality and weight?
8
It's bizarre how many commenters are giving the author advice. It's clear that she is an expert in this field - she has certainly heard al of this advice before. You're not helping her or other readers by ignoring the topic at hand and instead recommending dieting or acceptance solutions. In fact, this is part of the problem she referenced! What I learned was that we need to support each other's intentions, choices, and behaviors, and accept that solutions aren't as accurate, universal, or simple as they seem.
26
A wonderful piece of writing. Thank you!
5
For me, when I have been overweight, it's all been about not handling my emotional needs (dependency, loneliness and/or boredom). when I address those needs constructively, the weight falls off naturally.
5
Thank you for writing this.
I have had bipolar disorder all my life. To fix my thyroid, I had to take hydrocortisone, which made me blow up. I got on phentermine and a diabetes injectable drug to lose weight because I had become pre-diabetic. I changed my diet drastically, cutting out sugar, salt, potatoes, rice, bread, oil, butter, chicken, and meat. I eat fish, walnuts, berries, apples, beans made from the package, oats and grains made from a package, flaxseed, other fresh vegetables. I lost 37 pounds. Will I lose the extra 30 to allow me to fit into my dresses? At 58? I don't know, but I am no longer pre-diabetic. To remain this way, I will have to stay on this medication, which enables me to stay on this diet, and continue exercising for life. I gave up cuisine. Food is medicine now.
I have had bipolar disorder all my life. To fix my thyroid, I had to take hydrocortisone, which made me blow up. I got on phentermine and a diabetes injectable drug to lose weight because I had become pre-diabetic. I changed my diet drastically, cutting out sugar, salt, potatoes, rice, bread, oil, butter, chicken, and meat. I eat fish, walnuts, berries, apples, beans made from the package, oats and grains made from a package, flaxseed, other fresh vegetables. I lost 37 pounds. Will I lose the extra 30 to allow me to fit into my dresses? At 58? I don't know, but I am no longer pre-diabetic. To remain this way, I will have to stay on this medication, which enables me to stay on this diet, and continue exercising for life. I gave up cuisine. Food is medicine now.
4
I was shocked to see my 40th high school reunion photos with every single woman grossly overweight. I searched and found one (Japanese) woman who was only somewhat heavy--95 percent of these women were normal weight to thin in high school.
Maybe dieting doesn't work, but perhaps eating a healthy diet of whole foods and limiting fat and sugar, fast food and processed junk would have kept them from getting so heavy there is no road back to their former selves.
Maybe dieting doesn't work, but perhaps eating a healthy diet of whole foods and limiting fat and sugar, fast food and processed junk would have kept them from getting so heavy there is no road back to their former selves.
6
This is the best article I have ever read on the heartbreak of living a life with too much weight.
9
Big distinction between not accepting a person because she is overweight, or a person not accepting herself because she is overweight AND not accepting being overweight or obese is healthy. It's not healthy. Society and the person herself should accept anyone regardless of size. One's worth is not measured by appearance.
But: Excess weight is associated with health risk. It's true one can be slim and unhealthy. A slim person may drink, smoke, eat garbage foods, not exercise. A slim person who does one or several of these things may have a higher risk of poor health than an overweight person who exercises regularly, eats well, never smokes. But, ON AVERAGE excess weight is correlated with health risk. The risk may be made greater by poor health habits or offset by good health habits but, again on average, it is still there.
Americans are too accepting of excess weight. We compare ourselves to our peers. many of whom are overweight. We look like our peers so we may underestimate how much extra weight we carry and come to accept excess weight as the new normal. One need only travel abroad to become aware of how anomalous in size we actually are and how enormous our food portions are by comparison.
Maybe we need a new "new normal" and new peer comparisons-those Europeans and Asians who eat well but in lesser amounts and on average weigh less. We don't have to hate ourselves to admit that our society has a weight and resulting health problems.
But: Excess weight is associated with health risk. It's true one can be slim and unhealthy. A slim person may drink, smoke, eat garbage foods, not exercise. A slim person who does one or several of these things may have a higher risk of poor health than an overweight person who exercises regularly, eats well, never smokes. But, ON AVERAGE excess weight is correlated with health risk. The risk may be made greater by poor health habits or offset by good health habits but, again on average, it is still there.
Americans are too accepting of excess weight. We compare ourselves to our peers. many of whom are overweight. We look like our peers so we may underestimate how much extra weight we carry and come to accept excess weight as the new normal. One need only travel abroad to become aware of how anomalous in size we actually are and how enormous our food portions are by comparison.
Maybe we need a new "new normal" and new peer comparisons-those Europeans and Asians who eat well but in lesser amounts and on average weigh less. We don't have to hate ourselves to admit that our society has a weight and resulting health problems.
6
thank you for writing this thoughtful article that touches on issues so many of us face. I recently joined weight watchers, not feeling very hopeful, and also read the book, The Secret Life of Fat. I have felt a peace about my body and the process and have unexpectedly been losing weight, about 2 lbs per week. I feel like the current WW iteration is more thoughtful, and I have hope that it is something I can sustain. I view my weight struggles as a chronic medical condition and am learning to accept that I will never "arrive" at skinny. I am sorry for the cruelties you have experienced.
20
I don't want to be thin, just healthy. I watch my eating but do not exercise enough. I keep certain foods out of my house if I can't control my urge to eat them. I don't eat perfectly. But I know what to do, thanks to many many years of reading about this issue and struggling not to diet. Weight watchers helped me at one point because as I followed it, I ended up eating a lot more veggies and fruits. I felt different.
This is not difficult. Try to cook at home or get healthy takeout from healthy buffets. Eat walnuts every day. Don't deprive yourself, and feel your body. My biggest aha came when I learned to say to myself, I don't want eating to be the only pleasure in life that I have.
I also ended up nearly fasting accidentally, I had sudden unexpected stress and I just did not feel like eating (for the first time, ever). I lost ten pounds in two weeks and felt better. So I do think fasting sometimes is helpful.
All of these ideas...combine to keep things a bit in check. Now, I have to master enough activity during the day, enough exercise. My current idea is to get a ritual going on walking, and continue lifting weights. The key is, these things make me FEEL better. I quit worrying about losing weight. It will come as I exercise and stay with decent foods.
And, walnuts, every day.
This is not difficult. Try to cook at home or get healthy takeout from healthy buffets. Eat walnuts every day. Don't deprive yourself, and feel your body. My biggest aha came when I learned to say to myself, I don't want eating to be the only pleasure in life that I have.
I also ended up nearly fasting accidentally, I had sudden unexpected stress and I just did not feel like eating (for the first time, ever). I lost ten pounds in two weeks and felt better. So I do think fasting sometimes is helpful.
All of these ideas...combine to keep things a bit in check. Now, I have to master enough activity during the day, enough exercise. My current idea is to get a ritual going on walking, and continue lifting weights. The key is, these things make me FEEL better. I quit worrying about losing weight. It will come as I exercise and stay with decent foods.
And, walnuts, every day.
17
My sister was seriously anorexic when she was in her teens. We grew up in a big family in the late 60s when being as thin as you could be was the craze. I also got caught up in that and for a while had a borderline eating disorder. Both my sister and me became runners during the running boom and we still run daily today, 40 plus years later. What I learned from running is the love of feeling strong and athletic. With that, came a desire to keep my weight low so that I could feel my lightest when running and competing or hiking.
I can gain weight easily, even with running. I knew that years ago. So I eat whatever I like, but it's food like rice, beans, lean meats, eggs, big salads, popcorn melted with low fat cheese, etc. And I eat when I'm hungry (morning and mid-day) and not at night. I cut way back on alcohol. The key is to have small amounts of the sweet or fat good stuff. After a while, it becomes a habit just to have a little bit and it feels natural.
Running saved my sister. She's no longer obsessed with food, but she still is with her appearance, though she's tall and naturally slender. Running made her strong and the woman she is, apart from the scale.
If someone asks me, I say do whatever exercise you like, routinely. I think your body then tells you what it needs for nutrition, what feels best.
I can gain weight easily, even with running. I knew that years ago. So I eat whatever I like, but it's food like rice, beans, lean meats, eggs, big salads, popcorn melted with low fat cheese, etc. And I eat when I'm hungry (morning and mid-day) and not at night. I cut way back on alcohol. The key is to have small amounts of the sweet or fat good stuff. After a while, it becomes a habit just to have a little bit and it feels natural.
Running saved my sister. She's no longer obsessed with food, but she still is with her appearance, though she's tall and naturally slender. Running made her strong and the woman she is, apart from the scale.
If someone asks me, I say do whatever exercise you like, routinely. I think your body then tells you what it needs for nutrition, what feels best.
6
I'm post-menopausal with 15% body fat - and was often teased when I was young for being fat. I don't do a lot of cardio and I don't diet, haven't dieted in years. Dieting = deprivation. Doesn't work as a lifestyle - and who'd want to hear about it? Here's what does, from my experience. Eat fat. Eat a variety of foods. Eat often. My favorite snack is roasted almonds (I use olive oil) with sea salt. I eat steak, bread with butter, pizza on occasion. I also try to have my last meal a two-three hours before bedtime. And if you're going to work out - do something that's fun, that you can enjoy five times a week - dancing, walking, yoga, tennis, circuit training. The more you enjoy your life, including what you put in your mouth and how you move your body, the less "dieting" you will need. Enjoy every bite!
14
Could not put this article down!
One way to tell instantly that a photo from the 70's or 80's is not a recent photo, is that overall the people were much slimmer! Genetics and metabolism would not change so dramatically in 40 years, so there is clearly something else going on. I think it is the constant availability of food- facilitated by the microwave- and as described in books like Salt, Sugar, Fat, a conscious effort by food manufacturers to make their products literally addictive.
One way to tell instantly that a photo from the 70's or 80's is not a recent photo, is that overall the people were much slimmer! Genetics and metabolism would not change so dramatically in 40 years, so there is clearly something else going on. I think it is the constant availability of food- facilitated by the microwave- and as described in books like Salt, Sugar, Fat, a conscious effort by food manufacturers to make their products literally addictive.
15
It's interesting that we all know what someone is saying if they say they are dieting but there is no shorthand for saying the more important thing which is maintaining weight loss over the long run. I know people who have lost the same thirty or forty pounds or so ten times in twenty years. Every time they go back to the same eating habits that got them overweight in the first place. The sad reality is that when you do that, it's inevitable that weight returns. I also did that a few times in my forties when my weight went up sixty pounds in ten years. Then one day after I turned fifty I just said it was time not just to lose the weight that took me into the obese range but to keep it off. I started by admitting that my normal weight friends ate way less than I did and then I figured out that too many carbs only made me hungrier for more carbs. The weight came off quickly at first and then slowly and, aside from occasional small upward swings, it's stayed down. And if it goes up a few pounds, I just think about what I'm doing that causes the problem. The sad reality is that at 71 I can't eat like I could at 21. There are many things like potato chips and cookies and ice cream that never cross my doorstep anymore unless they are being served at a party. If there are leftovers of those they go in the trash. Better in the trash than on my hips.
13
One can live with a weight 20% higher than the actuaries' ideal weight and retain good health. Higher than that will affect your health negatively. No matter the method used to bring one's weight down into the safer zone results from using up more calories than one is ingesting, which by definition is a diet. Now it happens that a person who is constantly under stress, rarely exercises enough to maintain good fitness, is sleep deprived, eats too much often, drinks a lot, or smokes is more likely to develop serious health problems that the fat people who take care of themselves otherwise. Losing weight reduces a factor in health risks but if one seldom exercises, often sleeps to little, and is continually worried about something the risks of poor outcomes remains high.
If one has some chronic condition which requires monitoring, one will discover that introducing healthy habits is reflected in the measurements related to that condition. One will feel better and perform much better, too. It's not good to worry about appearances, to compare oneself to people who are fit and slim, but taking the steps to improve oneself is a positive choice.
If one has some chronic condition which requires monitoring, one will discover that introducing healthy habits is reflected in the measurements related to that condition. One will feel better and perform much better, too. It's not good to worry about appearances, to compare oneself to people who are fit and slim, but taking the steps to improve oneself is a positive choice.
1
Thank you for a beautiful and balanced reflection on such complex issues. I've come to believe that, for women especially (because of our slower metabolisms), the present day U.S. life-style makes it almost impossible not to be conscious of our food intake and energy output. There's too much abundance of unnaturally appealing foods to pretend we can eat whatever we want with no consequences health-wise or otherwise. Oprah is right. Do what's right for you. It's unfortunate that every day presents so many treacherous temptations, but we each have to find a way to stay safe and show compassion for everyone, even those curiously thin women running to barre class.
8
I really agree with the comment that in this present day, we have to be aware of what we are eating and how it will affect us.
1
I really enjoyed this article. I could identify with many of your experiences throughout your life....trying every diet out there....Atkins, South Beach, Fit for Life, and of course, the beloved Weight Watchers. Ironically, I am on WW currently; I think it's my 4th or 5th time in the past 10 years. I wouldn't consider myself "fat", but overweight. I started WW 7 weeks ago, and I've lost 10 pounds of my 20 pound weight-loss goal. I feel better than I've felt in a long time....happier, more fit, sleeping better, and just generally healthier. Is this weight loss going to stay off? I say yes now, but of course I'm a little skeptical due to past experiences. Prior to WW, I was living a pretty unhealthy life as far as food goes. WW has gotten me back to healthy eating, and I would do it again (and just might!) if I need to. Your anecdotes of the weekly meetings made me laugh out loud. I've experienced similar conversations at my meetings. I really do think the community of support offered by WW is unique. It really is helping me to stay on track "this time". I can get on the connect ap and instantly be inspired and encouraged. Thanks for sharing.
5
As a past 'lifetime" member and a "just rejoined after gaining 15 lbs"current WW member, Taffy's efforts are very familiar. Beyond the scale, my real struggle is how to seek to shape my kids' relationship with food. I don't want my daughter or my son to feel go through the roller-coaster and self recriminations. But I also want them to learn healthy eating, self control and that there a consequences to not doing either. Whenever I ask friends with older kids what they advise, the universal response is "don't do what I did."
7
I'm surprised at the praise for this article when it promotes so many false and discredited ideas. For example:
-We know that be obesity significantly raises one's risk for numerous health -problems. So it's a good idea to try to lose weight if you're obese or more than a few pounds overweight.
-We know that people can lose weight and keep it off.
-We know that you don't need to follow a goofy diet to lose weight.
-It's not simply "eating less" that leads to weight loss; it's eating more of the healthy foods and less of the unhealthier ones.
What works for most people is this:
--Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Aim for 2-3 servings of both every day.
--Eat a good amount of protein from sources such as eggs, beans, nuts, fish, and if you eat meat, chicken, turkey, and lean meat.
--Get some healthy fat regularly from foods such as nuts, avocados, fish, and olives/olive oil.
--Take it easy on grains and starches (bread, cereal, potatoes, rice, pasta). When you do have these foods, have whole grains instead of refined grains as much as possible.
--Really take it easy on foods with added sugar (read the ingredients list for everything you buy).
--Get some regular exercise -- say 20-30 minutes of cardio (brisk walking counts) as many days as possible, and 15-20 minutes of strength exercise 3-4 days a week.
It's not necessarily easy to do these things, but the more of them you can do, the more likely you are to lose weight and keep it off.
-We know that be obesity significantly raises one's risk for numerous health -problems. So it's a good idea to try to lose weight if you're obese or more than a few pounds overweight.
-We know that people can lose weight and keep it off.
-We know that you don't need to follow a goofy diet to lose weight.
-It's not simply "eating less" that leads to weight loss; it's eating more of the healthy foods and less of the unhealthier ones.
What works for most people is this:
--Eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. Aim for 2-3 servings of both every day.
--Eat a good amount of protein from sources such as eggs, beans, nuts, fish, and if you eat meat, chicken, turkey, and lean meat.
--Get some healthy fat regularly from foods such as nuts, avocados, fish, and olives/olive oil.
--Take it easy on grains and starches (bread, cereal, potatoes, rice, pasta). When you do have these foods, have whole grains instead of refined grains as much as possible.
--Really take it easy on foods with added sugar (read the ingredients list for everything you buy).
--Get some regular exercise -- say 20-30 minutes of cardio (brisk walking counts) as many days as possible, and 15-20 minutes of strength exercise 3-4 days a week.
It's not necessarily easy to do these things, but the more of them you can do, the more likely you are to lose weight and keep it off.
15
it seems like most people don't want to "diet for life" ie, change their eating habits forever....they want to "diet" and then resume their old way of eating.
Although i don't think that was the point of this article....I think the point was she wants to accept herself as she is but she really doesn't.
Although i don't think that was the point of this article....I think the point was she wants to accept herself as she is but she really doesn't.
4
This would be what--EAT LESS MOVE MORE? Obesity is very complicated with many other factors--genetics, social background, stress and emotion, plain old love of food and taste, metabolism issues, etc. Remember the three body types that used to be discussed, ectomorphic, endomorphic, mesomorphic...There were probably more than three--but you never hear this anymore--that a person could just "be" one way or another, like a fingerprint. Yes, there are better foods than others to eat...eat those, that's fine. Truly there is a smorgasbord out there in America, much of it not doing much for your health. But ask yourself why weight loss surg patients are told they will only be able to eat a few tablespoons at a time but will still only lose 75% of the amt they are overweight--even on a few spoons of food. There is a lot to this.
3
Key word- most people.And you dismiss all the ones who have tried your suggestions as well as those of a million other know-it-alls with no lasting effect. Try to scrounge around for some compassion in your soul.
9
I can't believe that the author seems completely oblivious to the growing fat acceptance movement. You haven't heard of Virgie Tovar? You don't know women are breaking up with diet culture which no longer serves them? Where have you been?
3
you can't lose weight until you figureout why you eat. read shrink yourself.
2
I started down this path with my loved one and yes ... this is brain dead simple. Track everything you eat and be honest. Also, get a scale that records the weight for you and just measure yourself every day. In fact, don't even try dieting, just measure yourself for a few months.
Then add a tracker (like a fitbit or withings/nokia) and do something simple. Try to do 10,000 steps a day (but you know what) don't set the goal ... just walk and use it and record and see what you actually do and then set goals to get to 10K per day and what not.
Record what you eat, weigh yourself, and walk. If you really want to lose weight even that is simple ...
Cut one meal out. What I ended up doing is (which sucks) eat eggs ham and one piece of toast for breakfast. Drink coffee/tea when you are hungry (skip lunch). Then eat dinner whatever you like and watch the portions (or not).
You will start to see it come off .... one pound a week is 500 calories per day for seven days. (too much ...) make it 250 ... just realize it will take longer.
Want to lose 50lb .... that is 50 weeks at 500 calories a day .... 100 weeks at 250 ... do what you can ... you will be surprised.
Want to get over it faster ... do more and watch tighter ... and you can exit out. Also, you know what ... realize once you hit the goals you can binge ... just not every day ...
Then add a tracker (like a fitbit or withings/nokia) and do something simple. Try to do 10,000 steps a day (but you know what) don't set the goal ... just walk and use it and record and see what you actually do and then set goals to get to 10K per day and what not.
Record what you eat, weigh yourself, and walk. If you really want to lose weight even that is simple ...
Cut one meal out. What I ended up doing is (which sucks) eat eggs ham and one piece of toast for breakfast. Drink coffee/tea when you are hungry (skip lunch). Then eat dinner whatever you like and watch the portions (or not).
You will start to see it come off .... one pound a week is 500 calories per day for seven days. (too much ...) make it 250 ... just realize it will take longer.
Want to lose 50lb .... that is 50 weeks at 500 calories a day .... 100 weeks at 250 ... do what you can ... you will be surprised.
Want to get over it faster ... do more and watch tighter ... and you can exit out. Also, you know what ... realize once you hit the goals you can binge ... just not every day ...
7
I can't imagine anything more tedious. I'm happier staying fat.
6
The old 3500 cals=1 pound has been debunked.
6
If straight men had to live this way—that is, unable to eat without psychic anguish from puberty to death—I'm pretty sure doctors (and the corporations they serve) would figure out a way to change the culture. But since it's mostly women who do, why bother? Every movie, TV show, and ad we see reinforces the messages that it's for a woman to anything except fat. You can be a moron, you can be evil, you can even be ugly—as long as your anorexic, you're attractive.
28
Taffy, thank you. Reading your article was like hearing my mental arguments out loud. I have been "dieting" all my life too. I even did OptiFast - lost 65 pounds -- then I developed an allergy to the chromium in the shakes and spent a year on steroids until we figured out what was causing it.
We all know what steroids do to your weight. I'm right back where I started.
It took a lot of courage to share this. I hope we can all figure out a way to love these bodies we have. You're a brave woman and I hope you can find a resolution that helps you find peace.
We all know what steroids do to your weight. I'm right back where I started.
It took a lot of courage to share this. I hope we can all figure out a way to love these bodies we have. You're a brave woman and I hope you can find a resolution that helps you find peace.
14
good gosh, was this much ink necessary for the author's therapy session.
What could have been an interesting history of the diet craze degraded into a boring personal venting session.
Americans have gotten significantly larger in the past 40 years and thats a HUGE story (pun intended). Life style, processed foods, whatever...... this article shed not one iota of light on an important topic, it devolved into a confession that didnt help the readers
What could have been an interesting history of the diet craze degraded into a boring personal venting session.
Americans have gotten significantly larger in the past 40 years and thats a HUGE story (pun intended). Life style, processed foods, whatever...... this article shed not one iota of light on an important topic, it devolved into a confession that didnt help the readers
12
The reason I don't go to WW is that it's waaaaaaaay too expensive. $15-$20 bucks a week? Go to sparkpeople.com and get the same thing, free. No meetings. A huge support group. Excercise videos. Recipes. Nutritional advice. Free.
3
WW is less than half as good as it should be. The thing it has going for it is Oprah, which is why many of us tried it more times. Cost aside, no matter how much it pays experts to come up with trendy logos or marketing tools, they are really just insulting and condescending. Interesting that when when WW found Oprah in Hawaii, she had sprained her ankle and gained 17 pounds-for me, like Oprah, an injury added pounds quickly. Instead of focusing on that obvious reason for weight gain, WW looks for a better slogan!? Come on Oprah! She also has a supportive partner who follows the WW's plan with her. Many people are in social and family situations, so that our following arbitrary points is an inconvenience, impossible, or hurts our relationships. Most of us hate the points, as the world is designed for calories, real scientific units, which we already know. I have spent hours, adding to days, getting down WWpoints in an online system, that deleted hours of work. I could have been exercising, with family...how rude. The help line...most go from scripts-waste of time. I was in another online group that helped hundreds of people lose weight, and I kept it off for 20 years.That successful online group was bought & changed to selling diet meals; now, closed. WW could be fixed, but it will take more than slogans. I've tried to contact management, to no avail. Congrats to WW on your Wall Street beat! New memberships, some mine. Now, will they stay & lose long term?
1
"Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels." I think Ms. Nidetch said that. And, when I've been thin, it feels very right But it's so hard to get back to thin when you have gained back the 30 pounds or so. That pizza tastes pretty darn good.
9
I lost the same 100 lbs 2.5 times and tossed the scale at age 40. I am now 73, same size as at 40. Every time I got to a Size 10, it was not the big woo I hoped...Guys who looked through me responded--hey where were you when I was larger, I was still funny and smart....People cooed over my pretty face and now matching body...well, thanks for letting me know how you felt. I have sort knees from arthritis, but my irreg heartbeat is not, they assure me, from being fat. In fact, the cardiologist said I was amazingly healthy (unsaid--for someone old and fat). So on I go...I hardly remember being a 10. I eat three meals a day, no snacks, can hardly walk due to my knees--and you know what--I do miss walking! Never thought I would say that. Do it while you can.
5
I am 5'7 and have a BMI of 14. I am anorexic. Nonetheless Taffy's experience really touched me. My waking hours are spent obsessing about food, calories, meal planning and exercise. It is all about control and addiction. People around me feel perfectly ok to comment on my weight, telling me that "I look sick", "I look like a cancer patient" or "just have a candy". Trust me, it is just as difficult to be a medically underweight person as it is an overweight one. Your description of how the skinny women eating the cupcake and drinking Dr Pepper, you have no idea what goes on in their minds and the demons/struggle they have.
It takes effort, courage, support to overcome this addiction. Hang on and don't give up!
It takes effort, courage, support to overcome this addiction. Hang on and don't give up!
23
Ugh......to all the "calories in, calories out, exercise more! It's not rocket science I do it all the time!"people who have taken the time to post such enlightenment in response to this article: where do I start? How about this: I am 46 years old, since my earliest memories I have had more friends and people who wanted to spend time with me than I could juggle. The only problem I have ever had, regarding anything social, is trying to avoid hurting others feelings because I cannot keep up with the demand on my time. Frankly, I can endear myself to anyone at anytime. I know people who have limited company, are very lonely, socially anxious and agonize because no matter what they do people do not seem to warm to them, they're social circle is minimal and this causes them pain. Well, what's the problem? It's all so easy those whiners! Just simply be funny, disarming, know when to shut up and let others talk, know how to make people feel comfortable and good about themselves, but don't make it obvious that is your intention, be subtle and above all, know how to tell a story. For me I do not have to give this much thought, it's like breathing. However I have empathy and understand this is not everyone's experience. You miss the entire theme, the point of this article: life is not fair. For some, like Taffy and I, weight, food etc. is a lifelong struggle, we have to devote 10 times the thought and energy to it than many others. It's genetics, it's life.
23
This thin person is jealous. Your point is very well taken!
This is now to change your personality so people will like you even though you are large? I don't get it.
whenever I need to get on the stick and lose some weight - usually after heavy duty work project working too many hours and eating my way through the kitchen in the process - I do a few things that really help me (this is not scientific, but it's worked the three times in the last 25 years that I have had to lose 30 to 40 lbs.)
I buy some makeup and some new clothes, at my current size, that look really great - not a lot of outfits, but some wonderful feel good outfits and a few accessories to go with them. There's no need to look like a sad sack while you're trying to do very hard work.
walk in the morning and at night, and do some kind of sporty activity that challenges me, even if I'm not very good at it. Currently I'm attempting tennis.
give yourself a positive mantra like - I look pretty good, but I want to look even better.
be nice to yourself - it's worth it. if you don't own smaller clothes that you can jump into as you lose weight, consider hitting Old Navy or Loft or even Target, which is good for summer type clothes, each 10 lb you lose - if you catch them at sale time, you can find just a few fun things to jazz up your wardrobe and make you feel good while you're still working hard.
most of all, acknowledge that this is work - don't punish yourself while you do it - please be EXTRA nice to yourself.
I buy some makeup and some new clothes, at my current size, that look really great - not a lot of outfits, but some wonderful feel good outfits and a few accessories to go with them. There's no need to look like a sad sack while you're trying to do very hard work.
walk in the morning and at night, and do some kind of sporty activity that challenges me, even if I'm not very good at it. Currently I'm attempting tennis.
give yourself a positive mantra like - I look pretty good, but I want to look even better.
be nice to yourself - it's worth it. if you don't own smaller clothes that you can jump into as you lose weight, consider hitting Old Navy or Loft or even Target, which is good for summer type clothes, each 10 lb you lose - if you catch them at sale time, you can find just a few fun things to jazz up your wardrobe and make you feel good while you're still working hard.
most of all, acknowledge that this is work - don't punish yourself while you do it - please be EXTRA nice to yourself.
8
So relatable! So beautifully written!
The truth is the desire to be thin doesn’t go away. I’ve tried to rationalize my desire away countless times. It always resurfaced.
I’ve tried everything under the sun, including WW.
Nothing has worked like MyBodyTutor.com. The key, as I've learned from MBT, is to focus on why you're eating. When you focus on why you're eating, it's a lot easier to change what you're eating.
It's not that I don't know what to do! It's that I couldn't do it consistently. I'd start off strong and eventually lose steam and revert back to my old ways. MBT was the only thing that was able to keep me interested, and most importantly, progressing until I reached my goal of losing 75 pounds.
I feel like I can easily keep the weight off too. I'm a different person with a completely different mindset and habits along with a new relationship with food. That's critical. Everything I've tried in the past got harder as time went on.
It’s because I was relying solely on willpower. With MyBodyTutor it got easier as time went on. I can't recommend it enough to anyone who wants to lose weight, and most importantly, keep it off.
Regardless of what you choose, if you aren't where you want to be, get some help! You don’t have to settle for “acceptance” and tell yourself you’re happy when you’re not. I’m so proud of the way I look and feel. I finally feel like my outside matches my inside and I’m thrilled I didn’t just “accept” where I was.
The truth is the desire to be thin doesn’t go away. I’ve tried to rationalize my desire away countless times. It always resurfaced.
I’ve tried everything under the sun, including WW.
Nothing has worked like MyBodyTutor.com. The key, as I've learned from MBT, is to focus on why you're eating. When you focus on why you're eating, it's a lot easier to change what you're eating.
It's not that I don't know what to do! It's that I couldn't do it consistently. I'd start off strong and eventually lose steam and revert back to my old ways. MBT was the only thing that was able to keep me interested, and most importantly, progressing until I reached my goal of losing 75 pounds.
I feel like I can easily keep the weight off too. I'm a different person with a completely different mindset and habits along with a new relationship with food. That's critical. Everything I've tried in the past got harder as time went on.
It’s because I was relying solely on willpower. With MyBodyTutor it got easier as time went on. I can't recommend it enough to anyone who wants to lose weight, and most importantly, keep it off.
Regardless of what you choose, if you aren't where you want to be, get some help! You don’t have to settle for “acceptance” and tell yourself you’re happy when you’re not. I’m so proud of the way I look and feel. I finally feel like my outside matches my inside and I’m thrilled I didn’t just “accept” where I was.
3
The headline should be, "The New York Times is Losing it in the Anti-Dieting Age." How can the Times publish an 8,300-word article about weight-loss without mentioning vegetables, vegetarians, or vegans? After all, vegans weigh substantially less and live substantially longer than their meat-eating counterparts. ("Fruit" gets one mention in a sentence that also mentions the "Witches in Oz.")
Who is the primary source for this article? Not a doctor, a scientist, or a nutritionist. The primary source is Gary Foster, a psychologist who works for Weight Watchers, an organization that has a profit-motive so that it never tries proven approaches to losing weight and keeping it off, lest it permanently cure its customer base.
The author says of a study Foster published in 2011 about various diets, ”They all led to similar losses, and they all led to similar rates of recidivism.” But Foster’s own summary of his research is not so dismal. He begins with this: “Various dietary strategies can effectively reduce weight, as shown by this review. Those that are coupled with behavior therapy and ongoing support tend to produce longer lasting effects.” He goes on to say, “Clearly, all of these diets have benefits but they can only be realized when they are followed.” Well, duh!
You really have to quit smoking to get the benefits. But many people would rather think about the "debate" over smoking, and hope that the smoker-acceptance movement gains traction.
Who is the primary source for this article? Not a doctor, a scientist, or a nutritionist. The primary source is Gary Foster, a psychologist who works for Weight Watchers, an organization that has a profit-motive so that it never tries proven approaches to losing weight and keeping it off, lest it permanently cure its customer base.
The author says of a study Foster published in 2011 about various diets, ”They all led to similar losses, and they all led to similar rates of recidivism.” But Foster’s own summary of his research is not so dismal. He begins with this: “Various dietary strategies can effectively reduce weight, as shown by this review. Those that are coupled with behavior therapy and ongoing support tend to produce longer lasting effects.” He goes on to say, “Clearly, all of these diets have benefits but they can only be realized when they are followed.” Well, duh!
You really have to quit smoking to get the benefits. But many people would rather think about the "debate" over smoking, and hope that the smoker-acceptance movement gains traction.
10
Actually, Foster was the most credible sounding one in the article. He doesn't have to worry about curing anyone. Losing weight and keeping it off is too difficult. There will always be recidivists. And that's okay. I'd rather see people admit this is a lifetime problem.
2
The headline should be, "The New York Times is Losing it in the Anti-Dieting Age." How can the Times publish an 8,300-word article about weight-loss without mentioning vegetables, vegetarians, or vegans? After all, vegans weigh substantially less and live substantially longer than their meat-eating counterparts. http://tinyurl.com/yb8jxx4l ("Fruit" gets one mention in a sentence that also mentions the "Witches in Oz."
Who is the primary source for this article? Not a doctor, a scientist, or a nutritionist. The primary source is Gary Foster, a psychologist who works for Weight Watchers, an organization that has a profit-motive so that it never tries proven approaches to losing weight and keeping it off, lest it permanently cure its customer base.
The author says of a study Foster published in 2011 about various diets, ”They all led to similar losses, and they all led to similar rates of recidivism.” But Foster’s own summary of his research is not so dismal. He begins with this: “Various dietary strategies can effectively reduce weight, as shown by this review. Those that are coupled with behavior therapy and ongoing support tend to produce longer lasting effects.” He goes on to say, “Clearly, all of these diets have benefits but they can only be realized when they are followed.” Well, duh!
You really have to quit smoking to get the benefits. But many people would rather think about the "debate" over smoking, and hope that the smoker-acceptance movement gains traction.
Who is the primary source for this article? Not a doctor, a scientist, or a nutritionist. The primary source is Gary Foster, a psychologist who works for Weight Watchers, an organization that has a profit-motive so that it never tries proven approaches to losing weight and keeping it off, lest it permanently cure its customer base.
The author says of a study Foster published in 2011 about various diets, ”They all led to similar losses, and they all led to similar rates of recidivism.” But Foster’s own summary of his research is not so dismal. He begins with this: “Various dietary strategies can effectively reduce weight, as shown by this review. Those that are coupled with behavior therapy and ongoing support tend to produce longer lasting effects.” He goes on to say, “Clearly, all of these diets have benefits but they can only be realized when they are followed.” Well, duh!
You really have to quit smoking to get the benefits. But many people would rather think about the "debate" over smoking, and hope that the smoker-acceptance movement gains traction.
3
Please eat what you like and shut up about it. There is no infinite virtue in being a vegan despite what you think. It will not cure everything that ails you. I have IBS and cannot eat a plant based diet even though I love legumes. Try to understand that there are not simple answers that apply to everyone. We all struggle and everyone gets to make their own way through it all.
12
There's a lot of room between obese and skinny. Obesity is not healthy, but the goal doesn't have to be thin. The only way to stop being obese is to eat less, and how ever you're able to arrive at doing that is great, and it has nothing to do with thin people. All the "love your body" puffing strives to give obese people confirmation that they're perfect the way they are and that they don't need to change anything.
We have to get over seeing body weight as a moral issue. Food is necessary for life, but too much of it can kill you, and equating overeating as rejecting body shaming is irrelevant and dangerous.
Like quitting smoking, you have to be ready to do it, to cut out the fat-making food and start eating less or you will never succeed.
We have to get over seeing body weight as a moral issue. Food is necessary for life, but too much of it can kill you, and equating overeating as rejecting body shaming is irrelevant and dangerous.
Like quitting smoking, you have to be ready to do it, to cut out the fat-making food and start eating less or you will never succeed.
5
Dear Taffy,
It was a pleasure reading your well-written article. Thank you for sharing your personal experience in such a vivid manner. I wish you all the very best for the future.
GR
It was a pleasure reading your well-written article. Thank you for sharing your personal experience in such a vivid manner. I wish you all the very best for the future.
GR
6
The fact that some readers are logging in to give Taffy diet advice indicate that perhaps those readers didn't actually read the article. (And by the way, Taffy, you did a really solid job on this - well done and thank you!)
21
These stories always attract people who have it all figured.
7
The way Americans have attempted to rationalize their drug addiction to sugar and white starches will always amaze me. The arrogance to spend a lifetime thinking they can treat food and eating so disrespectfully.
8
Thank you Taffy, When I was 12 my mother put our whole family on the Atkins diet. Of course, I lost a lot of weight. Problem is that I wasn't over weight to begin with. I was 5'9" and 120 lbs. As I grew up I developed more and more body issues. Anorexia, bulimia, addiction to diet drugs, chronic dieting, on and on. I have had boyfriends tell me I was fat and all the other endless abuse. My top weight was 167 lbs! The way women are demeaned and degraded in our culture is horrific. Weight is just the tip of the iceberg. Here in FL self mutilation is common in the form of implants, cool sculpting and face lifts. These days I am married to a wonderful man that likes me just fine at 167lbs with natural gray hair and my A cup size. I wish there was a man like him for everyone, he is my rock. He reinvented me into a happy, healthy person. After a lifetime of awful, I feel truly blessed.
9
The author has something to look forward to: once we are over 60 we get a cloak of invisibility and no one at all wonders about our bodies, thin or not thin. It's great! I try to look nice, but I know it's mostly for myself. And I proceed on that basis. So, Ms. Brodesser-Akner, stop worrying about the public. It won't matter.
7
I understand the pain expressed in this article but I'm dissapointed that it doesn't once mention the types of foods that must be avoided at all times. While the problem is personal to some, it's a major societal issue and needs to be addressed at an educational level that is the same for people of all sizes and from a young age. Companies that advertise unhealthy food should be penalied, prices must be regulated and good fresh produce available to everyone, everywhere.
6
Like in a dictatorship? Some people don't like veggies and veggies don't like them...
2
I commented that WW was good for me. I know some people are down on this holistic life approach. But work at it. We've had to learn to accept and embrace a change. Life is stressful with family and work, etc., but being happy and "enjoying" our weight loss is important, and we have to consider the long term, "Can we keep the weight off?" Best wishes to all. I feel for everyone. Look around America, we are all overweight, from 1 pound to 350 pounds.
3
Excellent article. Successfully communicates the frustration of yo-yo dieters. After having been one for 50 years, I finally accepted a few years ago that I could never again eat like other people do. I accepted that other people will consider me a food freak because every day for the rest of my life I have to be on the diet I found for myself that works. I have to prepare my own food and know the calories of everything that goes into my mouth. When my husband prepares lavish meals for dinner guests, I make sure I've eaten beforehand so I can sit at the table with no plate and allow no one to coax me into eating food I don't need and can't handle. It's an everyday lifetime commitment, a permanent lifestyle change that one must accept to remain at a healthy weight.
4
The author could mark new territory one day with her considerable skills as a writer and observer by researching why there are many of us, who after years of rollercoaster loss and regain can ultimately successfully lose and maintain a significant weight loss for years. We defy every statistic in the obesity circles, national weight loss programs, yet we exist. And, oddly, are almost universally ignored. Why? I don't think we'd make anyone any money. No pill needed. No surgical procedure. No weight loss program needed. Come find us. We won't make you cry. Promise. Some of us are actually are very funny, too.
2
Yes, this. I found it Interesting that in all of this sadness and societal wrongness there seemingly wasn't any effort to locate and share the hard-won knowledge and experience of some outliers--a few of us rare birds who have lost a significant amount of weight and managed to keep it off for, say, more than 10 years. These are the folks that just might be able to help a few others find their own success.
3
You're in the 5%. Big luckies.
1
Taffy, you may not read this and that's okay but Thank You. You eloquently articulated something I have instinctively known but couldn't put into words which I've struggled with my whole life. At just over 5 ft, I have struggled with body image and frustrations of knowing I can NEVER be what is ideal in our society. Thank you for being so real and authentic in this article. Well Said!
9
Today's "food" is the root of the problem. It's engineering in a lab to be hyper palatable and irresistible. There's a reason you can't eat just one Lays. The only way I have succeeded in conquering my cravings and constant dieting is to get rid of all processed food. Yep, that means no bread, muffins, cakes, cookies, pies, muffins, canned soup, pasta, prepared sauces, pizza, burgers, fries, tacos,dressings--the whole lot of it. Is it tough? It was for the first 6 months; I couldn't walk past the bakery at the grocery store without drooling. But eventually I grew to really enjoy the taste of real food--meat, poultry, fish, eggs, nuts, vegetables and fruit. It certainly takes more time to prepare real food, but it's worth it to no longer have to fear food or count calories. Life is all about choices; we can't have everything we want all the time, though that's what Big Food (and Oprah) tell us to do.
10
That is exactly what happens. Your taste and preferences adjust. The "food" that most people eat, and is pushed by corporate America becomes repulsive. The food pushed by corporate America *is* repulsive. Just say no!
5
"By the time I got to my car, I had no idea what to do. I knew that if this could be done, I would have done it, and yet I didn’t know why I couldn’t do it."
5
That's what I felt and believed until I found what worked for me. It might not work for the next person, but it works for me. A good friend is a long time WW member and going to meetings worked for her as she slowly lost weight and maintained the weight loss. I didn't have success with them. My mother in law was a great believer in low fat eating; it worked well for her. It left me incredibly hungry. If we want to change our eating habits so that we weigh less, we have to figure out what is best for us. That's just another thing that makes it so hard to do. When we look around we see people doing things that don't work for us and then assume that nothing will work for us.
Another thought: at what point of weight above normal do all the things that might work for an extra ten, twenty, thirty, even fifty pounds not work on a person who is in the upper ranges of obesity? Is anyone trying to study this?
Another thought: at what point of weight above normal do all the things that might work for an extra ten, twenty, thirty, even fifty pounds not work on a person who is in the upper ranges of obesity? Is anyone trying to study this?
2
One major problem with Weight Watchers is that they seem to have little or no advice for people who suffer from type 2 diabetes, one of the major health risks of the overweight. In fact, many of the snack foods they market at meetings and their frozen entrees are rich in carbs and fake sugars (which some dieticians say feed your desire for sweets).
3
Lovely piece of writing. Congratulations on becoming a feature writer.
2
Taffy - Thank you for your bravery in researching and writing this piece. All I can say to you is, I know. I know all of this. My prayer for both of us, and for others who suffer the same, is that we find peace.
2
Points. Who thought of points? I don't have time for points. I have recently lost over 20 pounds on Nutrisystem by opening pre-packaged food that tastes very good (I don't eat meat, as well). It's much easier than WW, which I have done 4 or 5 times. Yes, the weight comes off but as soon as I stop being "on program" it comes right back.
The problem is I really LIKE to eat. I like food. I like feeding other people. I'm Italian. It's my programming and is hard to change. Weight Watchers was better off when it stuck to counting calories. It's easy to remember how many a hard boiled egg or baked potato has, but not so easy when you have to measure carbs, proteins, fats and portion size. Not practical.
I am healthy, I take no medications. I am a content person (but not a "happy-maniac"). Eating too much has been American since the days after the first great depression when millions did not have enough to eat. If Trump gets his way, those days might come back. Then being "over-weight" could be the most desirable thing -- it shows you are prosperous. That's happened before, of course.
The best defense against obesity is to be raised by people who don't make food anything more than a way to stay alive and healthy. Do you know anyone like that? I don't. Why does the Times have a food column and chefs?
I don't have answers. I'm just one of the many who have gone up and down since I was 18 (that's 60 years now). Could someone please un-invent pasta and homemade ice cream?
The problem is I really LIKE to eat. I like food. I like feeding other people. I'm Italian. It's my programming and is hard to change. Weight Watchers was better off when it stuck to counting calories. It's easy to remember how many a hard boiled egg or baked potato has, but not so easy when you have to measure carbs, proteins, fats and portion size. Not practical.
I am healthy, I take no medications. I am a content person (but not a "happy-maniac"). Eating too much has been American since the days after the first great depression when millions did not have enough to eat. If Trump gets his way, those days might come back. Then being "over-weight" could be the most desirable thing -- it shows you are prosperous. That's happened before, of course.
The best defense against obesity is to be raised by people who don't make food anything more than a way to stay alive and healthy. Do you know anyone like that? I don't. Why does the Times have a food column and chefs?
I don't have answers. I'm just one of the many who have gone up and down since I was 18 (that's 60 years now). Could someone please un-invent pasta and homemade ice cream?
4
I hate that the Times does not put the nutritional information for its recipes at the top of the article instead of making the reader click on a link at the bottom. If people knew up front how unhealthy certain dishes were, they wouldnt bother reading the recipe.
The Times thus is complicit in this obesity-inducing madness. Then it serves up articles like this that skirt the issue that to be healthy and thin we must eat differently.
The Times thus is complicit in this obesity-inducing madness. Then it serves up articles like this that skirt the issue that to be healthy and thin we must eat differently.
2
Here's my deal: I have been skinny as a kid (super active), now I'm not. Why? Prednisone (14 other meds) and middle age. I have RA and PsA, and if my medications fail, I will become VERY skinny rather quickly. I will take my unhealthy existence with excess weight as opposed to the slide towards terminal and skinny.
Contexts are really important.
Contexts are really important.
3
I cried through the whole article. Thank you, Taffy, for putting my thoughts into words. Reading this was like reading (a much more articulate) page from my teenage diary...
4
I cried as I read this. I am 66, newly diagnosed with diabetes and with carb watching and daily exercise, I have lost only 24 pounds in 6 months, 19 of it in the first 3 weeks. I am beyond desolate.
I have lifetime hypothyroidism as my thyroid stopped working when I was 12. The meds no longer keep my metabolism active. My body temperature is 97.1. No doctor will do anything about it.
I read that there are new studies (leptin, increase brown fat, insulin switch, etc), but none of them are going to be viable for "years" in the US.
What are we supposed to do? Just die? I so desperately want to lose 100 pounds. It needs to be more, but I'd settle for that.
I have lifetime hypothyroidism as my thyroid stopped working when I was 12. The meds no longer keep my metabolism active. My body temperature is 97.1. No doctor will do anything about it.
I read that there are new studies (leptin, increase brown fat, insulin switch, etc), but none of them are going to be viable for "years" in the US.
What are we supposed to do? Just die? I so desperately want to lose 100 pounds. It needs to be more, but I'd settle for that.
4
I used to live in fear of going over 125 lbs when I was 25. I remember reading an article in Cosmo that where a woman in her 40's said she looked back at her pictures and only wanted to be 5 lbs thinner. But now she looked at the old pictures and thought she looked amazing. That's me now. I became handicapped, and I was 160. Then I became pregnant and was 203. I killed myself trying to lose the weight, I went into spin class and people would ask, concerned, are you sure you should do that? i'd ask people to help me move weights and they'd be rude, when they used to be nice. I gradually felt like I was invisible. My (now ex) husband went on a liquid diet and lost 30 lbs. He never really touched me again. He's now with a 27 year old soul cycle woman, who will have exactly the same issues someday. I've been going up and down between 160 and 190 for 7 years. The only thing that works is incredible stress - where I can't eat at all. Thank you for writing this. At least I'm not alone.
9
Taffy, you are such a good writer! I love this article!
2
Okay, I'm at the part where you tell us you know you're going to receive myriad degradations in the comments section. Well, I may as well begin. This article is memoir that half purports to be about science and weight loss/gain. That's what is wrong with this piece. The author is extremely biased as she's been unsuccessful maintaining an appropriate weight - and yes, there are such things. I have my own bias: I lost 90 pounds and have kept it off - with some fluctuations - for 30 years. I realize I'm in the minority, but there are others like me, including my friend Steven who maintains a 100 pound weight loss. We both struggled for years before success - for now, that is. I believe food/overeating/obesity is an addiction - for lack of a better word - like any other. Not imbibing one's drug, drink or excess food is impossible for an addict, and yet some of us can learn to do it. I have my ideas about the type of diet that makes it easier - not easy - easier. But most people really don't ask me about it; like most addicts, they want excuses to keep eating. Perhaps food is harder than any drug, because we must eat. And we give up some things when we admit we've got his lifelong problem to address. But it can be done. This article, which blends the author's personal story with so-called science is a terrible message to send.
5
I too have lost over 80 pounds and have kept it off for 20 years. The fact controls my every day. Yes, I enjoy eating at a party, out to dinner, at the holidays, on a friday night - but 80% of the time, I carefully put together "what I am going to eat" for the day and rarely let the donuts in my work cafe or my husband asking if I want pizza to derail my plans. If I do take the donut, the pizza, then I double-down the next few days working hard to keep my eating in check which typically involves eating very clean".
HOWEVER.... this is what works for ME. I can't say what works for me will work for others. I do share my tips and tricks through my business of coaching others, but I am realistic that everyone is built different and that SLEEP is the #1 factor when it comes to weightloss/weight maintenance.
You get sleep in check and your metabolic hormones will work more in your favor to shed fat.
HOWEVER.... this is what works for ME. I can't say what works for me will work for others. I do share my tips and tricks through my business of coaching others, but I am realistic that everyone is built different and that SLEEP is the #1 factor when it comes to weightloss/weight maintenance.
You get sleep in check and your metabolic hormones will work more in your favor to shed fat.
4
I don't have an answer for any other person's weight. If someone asks me what I have done to lose and keep weight off, I can only say "this worked for me; this didn't." But there is something I do know for sure: sneering contempt for others is no help at all for those who are being lamely psychoanalyzed by someone who believes they know what is going on in a complete stranger's body and mind. When I was overweight, all that kind of attitude did was make me want another slice of cheesecake.
7
I don't think it's "sneering contempt" so much as frustration with people who don't realize the depth of their problem, and who, despite what they profess, are not committed to losing weight and keeping it off for life.
We Americans love the idea of change without having to change.
I'm not clinically overweight, but I have my own weight challenges. I never tell other what to do, but it angers me when people who have completely lost the weight battle presume to lecture me.
We Americans love the idea of change without having to change.
I'm not clinically overweight, but I have my own weight challenges. I never tell other what to do, but it angers me when people who have completely lost the weight battle presume to lecture me.
1
Hello, it is true I would like to be a little thinner. for health as well as looks. So far, the only thing that seems to help is this: avoid all added sugar. When I avoid added sugar, I seem to be less hungry over all. I eat less often and I eat less at a sitting. Yes, I can exercise a ton and feel great, but I don't lose weight. Yes, I can count every calorie and lose weight, but I can't keep it up longer than 6 weeks. And yes, I eat healthily most of the time. So please don't lecture me on the obvious. However, avoiding all added sugar - reading ingredient labels even for bread or prepared food - this makes a difference and, for me, is easy to do.
Someone suggested why this might work: in ancient times, hominids may have had the most sugar to eat in the fall, with ripe fruits and berries. That was the time to put on fat, to prepare for the winter. Perhaps our bodies evolved to interpret sugar as a sign that lean times are around the corner and to build up our stores. To store less fat, we need to convince our bodies it is summer, where food is bountiful and winter is a long way away. I don't know if this hypothesis is true, but I find it useful to think about when I'm saying no to ice cream. One thing is clear - insulin is induced by sugar and promotes fat storage.
Someone suggested why this might work: in ancient times, hominids may have had the most sugar to eat in the fall, with ripe fruits and berries. That was the time to put on fat, to prepare for the winter. Perhaps our bodies evolved to interpret sugar as a sign that lean times are around the corner and to build up our stores. To store less fat, we need to convince our bodies it is summer, where food is bountiful and winter is a long way away. I don't know if this hypothesis is true, but I find it useful to think about when I'm saying no to ice cream. One thing is clear - insulin is induced by sugar and promotes fat storage.
1
As others have said, it's not just about willpower--dieting people are some of the most disciplined people I've encountered. The problem is that our bodies are designed to hold onto fat and to get it back if you lose it. In order to keep the weight off, most previously overweight people would have to exercise a lot more and eat a lot less--FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES-- than someone whose weight has always been at that healthy level. On a population basis, the best strategy would be to focus on preventing weight gain to begin with (ie target the kids) because most fat adults are going to stay fat. There are still personal and health advantages to an attempt to be healthier through improved food choices and exercise, but sustained weight loss is rarely achieved by most, unfortunately.
4
I spent my teens and 20s somewhere between 25 and 50 pounds overweight, and finally, in my early 30s, lost it with the help of a wonderful nutritionist. (And, it must be said, I was getting married; the cliché is true.) I thought losing the weight would make my life perfect, but instead it shed light on what wasn't: I was stuck in a job that I was good at but hated in a city that stressed me out…and I was married to a man I did not love but thought was the best I deserved. It turned out that, like Oprah, years of eating was isolating me from my feelings, which I was afraid of.
I'm proud of myself for not eating my way through this realization—it took years of therapy, a divorce, and cross-country move to turn things around. Taffy, I hope you find a diet (or lifestyle or way of eating or whatever non-diet euphemism you want to use) that works for you—that's half the battle. But the other half—and the one that's even harder, in my opinion—is loving yourself, forgiving yourself, and accepting yourself.
I'm proud of myself for not eating my way through this realization—it took years of therapy, a divorce, and cross-country move to turn things around. Taffy, I hope you find a diet (or lifestyle or way of eating or whatever non-diet euphemism you want to use) that works for you—that's half the battle. But the other half—and the one that's even harder, in my opinion—is loving yourself, forgiving yourself, and accepting yourself.
6
There is such a mocking tone towards overweight women in this piece. This is really the classic make fun of myself and the problem of weight and overeating. This is the way many of us with the problem talk among ourselves. It's gallows humor, but here it seems to go too far. This begins as an article about the science of fat and weight, and trails off into a personal story that does end on a positive note, although the author doesn't seem to notice it.
Food in our culture is functioning very like alcohol or any other drug, as an addictive substance. Would we tell people it's impossible to get off drugs, and to just accept oneself as a drug addict or alcoholic? Food is no different. Obesity isn't just a visual, it is an outer sign of poor health. The author's realization that she ended up with a life of trying to stay on a diet might be unfair, but is just the way it is, and she might as well accept that, and keep trying is the correct view. Oprah is right. It is a never ending job - not a battle or struggle after one has been doing it for years. Just a job. I've been there - it took losing and regaining large amounts of weight to finally have maintained a 90 pound weight loss for 30 years. I'm not bragging, or being unsympathetic - not at all! But this article is too negative. It can be done.
Food in our culture is functioning very like alcohol or any other drug, as an addictive substance. Would we tell people it's impossible to get off drugs, and to just accept oneself as a drug addict or alcoholic? Food is no different. Obesity isn't just a visual, it is an outer sign of poor health. The author's realization that she ended up with a life of trying to stay on a diet might be unfair, but is just the way it is, and she might as well accept that, and keep trying is the correct view. Oprah is right. It is a never ending job - not a battle or struggle after one has been doing it for years. Just a job. I've been there - it took losing and regaining large amounts of weight to finally have maintained a 90 pound weight loss for 30 years. I'm not bragging, or being unsympathetic - not at all! But this article is too negative. It can be done.
3
I am in the middle of my second cleanse. The first time I lost 16 pounds and then I gained back 8. This time my goal is to lose 14 and gain back 7. While I've been on it with my wife we talk about what is healthy eating, we reaffirm that to each other and then we try to model healthy habits to each other. We both work in health care so know the long term benefits of fitness. I am a retired Army officer and I swore I would never run another mile. I don't. Now I swim 1.25 miles 3-5 times a week and I'm the ugliest duck swimmer in the pool. But it is my sanctuary and I swim for immortality. The other thing that has helped me immensely as I have aged is to keep a calorie journal. The journal never lies. I wish you the best success and I hope the impossible becomes possible if that is your goal.
1
You may not be happy with your weight, but I know one thing, you are a brilliant writer.
9
Excellent article. Our weight is a big problem in the United States, and there may be no solution. Platitudes and talk may not help solve the problem, but they may help people feel better about it. And we should discuss our problems with weight. Articulate articles like this help a lot.
One hindrance we have is that we think in a Cartesian, "cause and effect" manner yet we live in a complex, chaotic world. Time and time again, we look for a simple answer when there may not be one. Economics, climate change, obesity, mental illness, politics. People push their own beliefs, and often profit from them, rather than seriously try to solve complex problems.
All the simple problems have been solved, unfortunately. That leaves the hard ones to deal with. We are used to finding a silver bullet that we could fire and kill all the werewolves, the witches, and the other monsters that bedeviled us. The monsters we have left do not die so easily.
But we should not give up hope. Complex problems often have solutions too. They may not be as easy, or as powerful, or as widely effective. But who said life would be easy?
One hindrance we have is that we think in a Cartesian, "cause and effect" manner yet we live in a complex, chaotic world. Time and time again, we look for a simple answer when there may not be one. Economics, climate change, obesity, mental illness, politics. People push their own beliefs, and often profit from them, rather than seriously try to solve complex problems.
All the simple problems have been solved, unfortunately. That leaves the hard ones to deal with. We are used to finding a silver bullet that we could fire and kill all the werewolves, the witches, and the other monsters that bedeviled us. The monsters we have left do not die so easily.
But we should not give up hope. Complex problems often have solutions too. They may not be as easy, or as powerful, or as widely effective. But who said life would be easy?
2
Can I just say this? That I like eating more than I like being thin? I've been thin, although my genome was screaming at me to EAT for the 7 years I was a size 2. Seven Years! I thought i had it licked, that I was going to be the success. Then I got pregnant. And I got pregnant again. And life took over and I couldn't say no to the thing I loved more than anything, which was food. I have become an excellent cook and baker, and when people like my food, I am happier than at any other time. I love my food. Other people love my food. My family is well-fed. So am I. I am fat again. I am fit, but I am fat. No really, I am a distance runner. I can almost certainly outrun all other fat people in whatever race I am running. But then I see myself in the mirror and turn away in disgust. I look at chocolate and cheese with love and at myself with disgust. But sometimes, that's ok. Because I have love in my life from my family, my friends, my work and my food. I love them all in return. I was not destined to be a thin person, and genes rule everything. Of course, genes also contribute to will power, so, well, never mind, it's time for lunch. I have been for a run already today, and now I am going to enjoy my food.
6
I am astonished (but not really) that so many comments here give weight loss advice! Can so few people (NYTimes readers even!) read critically and thoughtfully anymore? Is the compulsion to perceive ourselves as authorities on this subject as bad as the compulsion to obsess over it? I've been "overweight" to varying degrees since I was a kid and the amount of mental energy and thinking time I've devoted to hating my body, maintaining various weight loss regimes, or thinking about what I'm going to try next has been a terrible waste. I caught this obsession from my mother who is now vegan and at her ideal weight and mainly communicates with me to share articles about the plant-based lifestyle. And she probably gets it from her mother whose compliments about weight loss (should I be so lucky) are the second thing that comes out of her mouth after "hello." I am over it. Thank you for revealing this national and personal obsessive compulsive disorder. If I go vegan it will be on my own terms and for the environment.
13
We don't know.... we know only a little bit.... about all of it. Some people handle the extra poundage (10-20) without difficulty.. in others itplays havoc with the rest of the system. Some people really cannot lose weight except on a super restricted diet. Others can eat too much (altho if you watch you will prob see not many sweets or starches..) and stay quite thin. All calories are not the same... BTW none of us are going to live forever!! (Drink lots of iced coffee and water in the summer -- helps w/ food cravings.)
2
Aside from curing high blood pressure, the rice diet causes dramatic weight loss. If interested, search "rice diet" and select "Walter Kempner, MD – Founder of the Rice Diet" It requires forsaking eating out and being willing to consume white rice and fruit only. Well, oatmeal for breakfast as I discovered researching it. It works if you work it - one of those things. Please forgive me for telling you something you didn't want to hear.
1
What does "eating clean" mean? Just soup and salads?
1
Perhaps the best article I've read all year. Thank you to Ms. Brodesser-Akner, and thank you to the NYTimes for continuing to support such exceptional long-form journalism.
3
Great piece.
Following a healthy lifestyle, and accepting the body where it lands seems best. Most will not love, or even like the way it will look, so stop thinking about how it looks. Decorate it nicely, enjoy life, and get proper medical care.
Research shows that exercise can improve health and fitness for many, regardless of size. Enjoy natural foods, hunger & satiety, & cope effectively.
Eat plenty of “healthy junk food;” dark chocolate covered mango, or natural ice cream with dark chocolate syrup & pecans; Complete meal, with protein, fat and carbs. Eating it for breakfast can prevent bingeing later. Dinner: multigrain tortilla chips with protein and veggies. Cravings are managed, when control is higher, minimizing struggles. Beats deprivation and bingeing! Morning cereal bowl: Dark chocolate covered almonds, nut brittle, dark chocolate covered berries & granola. This delectable anti-oxidant, nutrient-filled feast might be the healthiest meal of the day!
Hating yourself for being fat is worse than cultural shaming. Does much more personal damage, and perpetuates the stereotype. We advertise for the diet industry, by putting ourselves down in public. It keeps the narrative alive.
Research shows that exercise can improve health and fitness for many, regardless of size. Enjoy natural foods, hunger & satiety, & cope effectively.
Eat plenty of “healthy junk food;” dark chocolate covered mango, or natural ice cream with dark chocolate syrup & pecans; Complete meal, with protein, fat and carbs. Eating it for breakfast can prevent bingeing later. Dinner: multigrain tortilla chips with protein and veggies. Cravings are managed, when control is higher, minimizing struggles. Beats deprivation and bingeing! Morning cereal bowl: Dark chocolate covered almonds, nut brittle, dark chocolate covered berries & granola. This delectable anti-oxidant, nutrient-filled feast might be the healthiest meal of the day!
Hating yourself for being fat is worse than cultural shaming. Does much more personal damage, and perpetuates the stereotype. We advertise for the diet industry, by putting ourselves down in public. It keeps the narrative alive.
If shaming, judging, moralizing, or pontificating were effective treatments for obesity, nobody would be obese.
9
But fear of shame and embarrassment keep some people from becoming obese in the first place. Health concerns also play a role, but many people don't diet and exercise seriously until they've had a serious health scare.
Some negative motivators work. And of course there are plenty of positive ones as well.
Some negative motivators work. And of course there are plenty of positive ones as well.
1
Following a healthy lifestyle, and accepting the body where it lands seems best. Most will not love, or even like the way it will look, so stop thinking about how it looks. Decorate it nicely, enjoy life, and get proper medical care.
Research shows that exercise can improve health and fitness for many, regardless of size. Enjoy natural foods, hunger & satiety, and cope effectively.
Eat plenty of “healthy junk food;” dark chocolate covered mango, or natural ice cream with dark chocolate syrup & pecans; Complete meal, with protein, fat and carbs. Eating it for breakfast can prevent bingeing later. Dinner: multigrain tortilla chips with protein and veggies. Cravings are managed, when control is higher, minimizing struggles. Beats deprivation and bingeing! Morning cereal bowl: Dark chocolate covered almonds, nut brittle, dark chocolate covered berries & granola. This delectable anti-oxidant, nutrient-filled feast might be the healthiest meal of the day!
Hating yourself for being fat is worse than cultural shaming. Does much more personal damage, and perpetuates the stereotype. We advertise for the diet industry, by putting ourselves down in public. It keeps the narrative alive.
People naturally come in all sizes, like dogs and giraffes, who are much smarter than us, by not putting themselves down.
Research shows that exercise can improve health and fitness for many, regardless of size. Enjoy natural foods, hunger & satiety, and cope effectively.
Eat plenty of “healthy junk food;” dark chocolate covered mango, or natural ice cream with dark chocolate syrup & pecans; Complete meal, with protein, fat and carbs. Eating it for breakfast can prevent bingeing later. Dinner: multigrain tortilla chips with protein and veggies. Cravings are managed, when control is higher, minimizing struggles. Beats deprivation and bingeing! Morning cereal bowl: Dark chocolate covered almonds, nut brittle, dark chocolate covered berries & granola. This delectable anti-oxidant, nutrient-filled feast might be the healthiest meal of the day!
Hating yourself for being fat is worse than cultural shaming. Does much more personal damage, and perpetuates the stereotype. We advertise for the diet industry, by putting ourselves down in public. It keeps the narrative alive.
People naturally come in all sizes, like dogs and giraffes, who are much smarter than us, by not putting themselves down.
3
Came here not to 'splain but just to say thank you.
1
Fat people are addicts. Try telling a heroin to split his dosage into 3 squares plus another 3 "snacks", see what he says.
But there is no arguing with actual experiment, and anyone who has seen people liberated from prison camps will attest they were all skin and bones. Further, few of them seem to have gained extra weight after they were liberated, even though some were fat before the camp, and nearly all of them seem to survive to quite an advanced age, so maybe starvation works - clearly nothing else does.
But there is no arguing with actual experiment, and anyone who has seen people liberated from prison camps will attest they were all skin and bones. Further, few of them seem to have gained extra weight after they were liberated, even though some were fat before the camp, and nearly all of them seem to survive to quite an advanced age, so maybe starvation works - clearly nothing else does.
1
Thank you. Thank you. THANK you.
Great article!!
1
The author hit the nail on the head when she spoke of women not owning their own bodies. We are criticized for our weight, looks and ambition. We are told that we STILL should have no control over our reproductive health and are slut-shamed out of openly expressing our sexuality.
Even after years of the women's movement, the work is never done.
Support feminism wherever it should flourish, but doesn't yet.
Even after years of the women's movement, the work is never done.
Support feminism wherever it should flourish, but doesn't yet.
28
"‘For your heart to pump, pump, pump, pump, it needs the least amount of weight possible to do that,’"
...Yeah, but if you lose too much weight, your body starts to eat your muscles-- and the heart is a muscle. Articles like these are so irresponsible. In an effort to comfort the "overweight," they trigger EDs like anorexia. An anorexic reading what Oprah said would think that starving themself is "heart-healthy." It is decidedly not. One of many utterly tone-deaf moments in this article.
...Yeah, but if you lose too much weight, your body starts to eat your muscles-- and the heart is a muscle. Articles like these are so irresponsible. In an effort to comfort the "overweight," they trigger EDs like anorexia. An anorexic reading what Oprah said would think that starving themself is "heart-healthy." It is decidedly not. One of many utterly tone-deaf moments in this article.
2
Oprah isn't speaking about someone who is anorexic, though. She's speaking about overweight people and why accepting yourself as overweight is unhealthy. You are completely ignoring the context.
2
And yet somehow between obesity and anorexia, there is a happy middle ground where many of us who have managed to change our eating habits and lifestyles are able to maintain a healthy weight.
3
It is neither practical nor wise to tailor everything written about food issues to the relatively small percentage of the population with either anorexia or bulimia.
2
There is no secret to weight loss. It's 100% calories in < calories out.
Genetics doesn't make you fat. Medicine doesn't make you fat (unless your pills have 500 calories each). If you consume fewer calories than your body needs to run, you will lose weight. It's physics.
If you're a compulsive overeater, get therapy to help with that.
Genetics doesn't make you fat. Medicine doesn't make you fat (unless your pills have 500 calories each). If you consume fewer calories than your body needs to run, you will lose weight. It's physics.
If you're a compulsive overeater, get therapy to help with that.
7
Actually, there is A LOT of evidence that this is not true. See Why We Get Fat, by Gary Taubes, who reviews the literature. Your ideas are a myth. It is far more complicated than that.
7
Steve:
Your information is extremely dated. While calorie reduction is still important, all calories are not the same except considered as a unit of heat measurement. While many mysteries remain, weight loss has come to be understood as a chemical process influenced by hormones, such as insulin. Different foods cause different hormones to turn on and off and one's genetic heritage can matter.
Still, many people have no idea how much they're eating and they eat food of low nutritional quality.
Your information is extremely dated. While calorie reduction is still important, all calories are not the same except considered as a unit of heat measurement. While many mysteries remain, weight loss has come to be understood as a chemical process influenced by hormones, such as insulin. Different foods cause different hormones to turn on and off and one's genetic heritage can matter.
Still, many people have no idea how much they're eating and they eat food of low nutritional quality.
3
one of the pitfalls of constant dieting is that it is no longer a simple matter of calories in and calories out. If Taffy has not adequately documented her very real struggles with weight loss to convince you, I recommend Gina kolata's book on set point theory "Rethinking Thin." To assume that it is only about calorie counting sets us back to the outmoded discourse of "will power" and "just eat less."
7
Taffy, I too look at people licking cupcakes with ecstasy, and devouring hamburgers, and drinking sodas and I too feel alien. But in my case it is because I am now 97 pounds at 5'3" after esophageal cancer surgery and I will never eat normally again. I tell my dear friends who are always dieting to please please please just take time and enjoy what they eat and stop hating themselves and flogging themselves with every mouthful. I was a lifelong dieter. When I was finally at my fittest, a good weight (though helped along by an earlier cancer) and very strong, I still felt fat. that's what dieting does. Life goes by awfully fast. Don't waste it berating yourself for stupid reasons.
238
I'm an ectomorph body type. I can eat a lot & still maintain a slim figure. I'm lucky. Others who gain weight easily have to watch everything they eat. Obesity & high cholesterol can lead to heart disease. The Pritikin diet (lifestyle) is recommended as a way to prevent obesity related health problems.
8
My doctor used to nag me about exercise and tell me how important an exercise regimen was for everyone's health. Then I lost 30 pounds and she never mentioned exercise again.
What I know is that if you are thin nobody looks to see if you are eating a lot, or eating the wrong foods, or sitting on the couch too much or in front of the tv. But if you are fat, the whole world is ready to tell you everything you are doing wrong.
What I know is that if you are thin nobody looks to see if you are eating a lot, or eating the wrong foods, or sitting on the couch too much or in front of the tv. But if you are fat, the whole world is ready to tell you everything you are doing wrong.
95
Bravo, so true. In fact, all the naturally thin people I know are ill. They have GI problems of various kinds, like diabetes, celiacs disease, etc. I was surprised to discover that they were not the personification of health that I had imagined.
4
Thank you, Taffy, for this outstanding piece on both the research around dieting and your own personal experience. Like many who have responded, I've had my own harrowing journey with food, once landing in a hospital for a month with anorexia and before and after that struggling with compulsive eating and dieting. I'm 65 now and have stabilized my weight for the past few years while maintaining a lifestyle that I find manageable.
I guess that, for me, finding my "right body" has had to do with deciding very clearly that I wanted to be thinner and wanted to be kinder to myself and my body. I joined WW and found it useful to be reminded of portions - I didn't need a lot of the information about what to eat since eating well (healthfully?) has always been a choice of mine. I found it useful to write down what I ate and observe it neutrally.
I recognized that as a feminist I had the power to choose how I wanted to feel in my body, therefore tossing away the conflict of "isn't it all a patriarchal construct that women have to be thin?"
And here's something I really have had a hard time coming to terms with: I am 10 pounds heavier than I'd like to be. When I eat in such a way that I can still live my life fully (which includes eating sometimes for the pure pleasure of, not for hunger) I find I hover at the same point on the scale for close to 4 years now. Easy? Not always. Better? Oh, hell, yes.
I guess that, for me, finding my "right body" has had to do with deciding very clearly that I wanted to be thinner and wanted to be kinder to myself and my body. I joined WW and found it useful to be reminded of portions - I didn't need a lot of the information about what to eat since eating well (healthfully?) has always been a choice of mine. I found it useful to write down what I ate and observe it neutrally.
I recognized that as a feminist I had the power to choose how I wanted to feel in my body, therefore tossing away the conflict of "isn't it all a patriarchal construct that women have to be thin?"
And here's something I really have had a hard time coming to terms with: I am 10 pounds heavier than I'd like to be. When I eat in such a way that I can still live my life fully (which includes eating sometimes for the pure pleasure of, not for hunger) I find I hover at the same point on the scale for close to 4 years now. Easy? Not always. Better? Oh, hell, yes.
10
Wanna look like a Smart Car? Consume energy like a Smart Car. Wanna look like a Humvee? Consume energy like a Humvee. That much is simple.
Two things no one tells you:
1) While you're shrinking from Humvee to Smart Car, you're a little hungry, all the time. Your stomach will growl between each and every meal. Sometimes even right after you eat! It helps to keep busy!
2) Then you get to Smart Car size (which takes months! There's no cheating, sorry!), and you aren't hungry any more! Really, the hunger stops! It's the right amount of energy for your smaller body.
That said, to each her own. Do what makes you feel good!
There was a This American Life episode last summer, "tell me I'm fat" -- highly recommend if you're into this topic.
Two things no one tells you:
1) While you're shrinking from Humvee to Smart Car, you're a little hungry, all the time. Your stomach will growl between each and every meal. Sometimes even right after you eat! It helps to keep busy!
2) Then you get to Smart Car size (which takes months! There's no cheating, sorry!), and you aren't hungry any more! Really, the hunger stops! It's the right amount of energy for your smaller body.
That said, to each her own. Do what makes you feel good!
There was a This American Life episode last summer, "tell me I'm fat" -- highly recommend if you're into this topic.
2
I'm neither female nor overweight, but I thought this article was GREAT! Thanks, Taffy, for offering this reader insight and empathy into a serious struggle for so many. I'll be looking for your byline in the future.
18
Unless you have a metabolic disorder, or were unfortunate enough to have parents that fed you at the trough of junk food, and therefore your metabolism is a mess, being this is fairly simple. Move! Don't eat any processed foods. Ignore everything but outer-aisles of supermarkets. And, Oh yes, MOVE. Shake your booty!!
Anyone who thinks controlling your weight is this simple has never struggled to control their weight.
10
Beautifully written. It's the best description I've ever read from someone who has struggled with weight loss. But the part that made me want to cry was that your first attempt at weight loss was when you were fifteen, 5'3" and weighed 110. That's pretty thin in any normal world.
16
I found the following sentences chilling.
"Weight isn’t neutral. A woman’s body isn’t neutral. A woman’s body is everyone’s business but her own."
There's a lot to unpack in these few words.
"Weight isn’t neutral. A woman’s body isn’t neutral. A woman’s body is everyone’s business but her own."
There's a lot to unpack in these few words.
27
Regarding your yoga studio experience, that is another stereotype, that people who are overweight do not exercise. Well, many of us do, and have been doing so for years!
16
Perhaps the "skinny" people you observed, and felt compelled to comment about, eating and drinking certain foods are runners, swimmers, bikers, maybe have an occasional soda as a treat? You are making just as many assumptions about thin people as you don't want people to make about fat people.
5
The one most important thing to remember about losing weight is: if it tastes good, spit it out.
4
Thank you, Taffy. For the first time I get the dilemma, really get it. You are a fine writer, a clear thinker and fearless.
8
Great article calling out hypocrisy. Too bad more people don't do this.
2
Taffy, you just described my entire life with food from age 12 to right now at 51 so perfectly. This is exactly what I think, every day, all day long, while everything I try goes nowhere. "Drinking regular Dr. Pepper like it was just a drink". Right?!?!? You get it. Thank you for making me feel less alone today and a little less of a failure. You are a goddess.
18
I am very jealous of all you women giving each other enthusiastic thumbs-up, big, warm verbal hugs and smiles and positive feedback. What makes me frown though: only women authors of Times articles receive them in this intensity, as if they are apes showing they can perform a trick that´s normally reserved solely to humans.
If only Hillary could have been this authentically, heart-felt upbeat, Trump would have been toast. Trump only gave white male Americans and pro-life women a thumbs up. Hillary had her best rallies, when Michelle did them for her.
Oprah would summmash Trump. She is one of the very few that could unite Clinton and Sanders supporters, the lobbyists and bankers, and the ordinary folk navigating severely lashing socio-economic weather, being robbed in plain daylight, and in the stealth of the night again, by those very same bankers and lobbyists for the oligarchs (and, unfortunately, even journalists) who decide which candidates can become the nominee. I, for one, would bank on her going much further than Obama in pressing for actual change, despite her having the trust of the Clinton economists and lobbyists clique. Any other establishment choice will again deliver too much abstainers from voting altogether. The Dems are still where they were before Trump: wholly torn apart in two camps. They need a uniter. Who doesn´t shame the fat cats too sharply, nor the slim, basement dweller vegans. I only see Kamala Harris or Oprah.
On weight, watch What the Health.
If only Hillary could have been this authentically, heart-felt upbeat, Trump would have been toast. Trump only gave white male Americans and pro-life women a thumbs up. Hillary had her best rallies, when Michelle did them for her.
Oprah would summmash Trump. She is one of the very few that could unite Clinton and Sanders supporters, the lobbyists and bankers, and the ordinary folk navigating severely lashing socio-economic weather, being robbed in plain daylight, and in the stealth of the night again, by those very same bankers and lobbyists for the oligarchs (and, unfortunately, even journalists) who decide which candidates can become the nominee. I, for one, would bank on her going much further than Obama in pressing for actual change, despite her having the trust of the Clinton economists and lobbyists clique. Any other establishment choice will again deliver too much abstainers from voting altogether. The Dems are still where they were before Trump: wholly torn apart in two camps. They need a uniter. Who doesn´t shame the fat cats too sharply, nor the slim, basement dweller vegans. I only see Kamala Harris or Oprah.
On weight, watch What the Health.
4
Sabotage. The only thing maybe this brilliant piece left out. When you try so hard, have a small appetite, could eat fewer meals…and your partner's metabolism is faster, he can eat all day and not gain an ounce…And there's the perceived responsibility for fixing food for both of you - when you're not hungry. I hate that, should never have set that precedent. "Oh you look just fine. Let's eat." Thank you Taffy for a beautifully written piece that articulates a dilemma we struggle with every day.
16
Thank you so much for writing this Taffy! And thank you NYT for publishing it!
10
Thank you for writing this!!!! I completely relate, this story hits home 100%. It's such a complicated issue, thank you! thank you! thank you!
7
However you eat, it shouldn't leave you hungry or require an obsession with food. Unfortunately, diets can't get around either.
Instead, someone needs to discover how its indeed possible for many people to be slim and also eat without thinking about it.
Instead, someone needs to discover how its indeed possible for many people to be slim and also eat without thinking about it.
7
very true. there is too much emphasis on 'calories in, calories out' and not enough emphasis on what controls satiety and hunger. why are people so hungry? why do their bodies store energy as fat instead of using it? That's what we need to understand. we should spend more time thinking of fatness/obesity as a symptom for other health issues and not an endpoint in itself.
3
A compelling article. One thing briefly alluded to -– the role of anxiety and the cognitive behavioural therapy that is so effective at treating it –– needs to be looked at more when discussing the origins of the obesity epidemic in the US and to a lesser extent in other anglo-saxon, economically liberal countries.
[Yes people come in all sizes, but as a Canuck who's lived near Paris' Notre-Dame for the past decade, it's amazing how the 'doughy-ness' of visitors from those countries makes them so easy to spot in a crowd of international tourists.]
One of the well-documented fallouts of income inequality is increased anxiety: more people are more worried about job security, access to healthcare & education, and their plain ol' security. Social media now provides more channels from which to spread these fears.
Some people cope with drugs. Others (like Oprah) use food. It seems the obesity crisis is eerily similar to the opioid crisis, only food is a lot slower-acting than Fetanyl. And a lot harder to hide.
[Yes people come in all sizes, but as a Canuck who's lived near Paris' Notre-Dame for the past decade, it's amazing how the 'doughy-ness' of visitors from those countries makes them so easy to spot in a crowd of international tourists.]
One of the well-documented fallouts of income inequality is increased anxiety: more people are more worried about job security, access to healthcare & education, and their plain ol' security. Social media now provides more channels from which to spread these fears.
Some people cope with drugs. Others (like Oprah) use food. It seems the obesity crisis is eerily similar to the opioid crisis, only food is a lot slower-acting than Fetanyl. And a lot harder to hide.
12
When I was a kid in the 1960's, a treat was a 7-ounce Coke in a glass bottle, and a small bag of Frito's.
Today, kids open up a 64-ounce bottle of Coke and a giant bag of Doritos, park themselves on the couch in front of the TV, and eat and drink as much as they want.
That has a lot to do with the skyrocketing rates of childhood and teenage obesity. The days of one overweight kid in a class are ancient history.
Today, kids open up a 64-ounce bottle of Coke and a giant bag of Doritos, park themselves on the couch in front of the TV, and eat and drink as much as they want.
That has a lot to do with the skyrocketing rates of childhood and teenage obesity. The days of one overweight kid in a class are ancient history.
8
Yes, exactly--"the dieting business" serving the profoundly self-obsessed.
Whether anorexia or bulimia or obesity is the topic, the subject is always me-me-me-me-me-me.
What I eat and how I look and how people look at me and...
When I gain weight, it's because I eat too much. I like food, I'll admit that; I enjoy my meals. When I enjoy too many of them I put on pounds.
When I decide I've had enough of straining to pull up the zipper, I change my daily habits; I start exercising more, including body-sculpting exercises that may not melt away pounds but certainly redistribute them in a more comfortable fashion.
Stop already with all the self-affirmation. If your joints hurt and your thighs chafe and you've got sleep apnea and perpetual heartburn--decide that's worse than the alternative.
There's always an excuse. There's always a new scientific theory that tells you what you want to hear.
In every country, the over-rich get fat and the poor stay thin (except here, where even the poor can get too many calories and not enough proper nutrition), because doing nothing much but eating all day is bad for you.
Whether anorexia or bulimia or obesity is the topic, the subject is always me-me-me-me-me-me.
What I eat and how I look and how people look at me and...
When I gain weight, it's because I eat too much. I like food, I'll admit that; I enjoy my meals. When I enjoy too many of them I put on pounds.
When I decide I've had enough of straining to pull up the zipper, I change my daily habits; I start exercising more, including body-sculpting exercises that may not melt away pounds but certainly redistribute them in a more comfortable fashion.
Stop already with all the self-affirmation. If your joints hurt and your thighs chafe and you've got sleep apnea and perpetual heartburn--decide that's worse than the alternative.
There's always an excuse. There's always a new scientific theory that tells you what you want to hear.
In every country, the over-rich get fat and the poor stay thin (except here, where even the poor can get too many calories and not enough proper nutrition), because doing nothing much but eating all day is bad for you.
3
American culture has become focused on superficial values and products sold to fulfill them. It is also a culture that perpetrates the idea of individuals as either winners or losers, heroic or pathetic. In the early 1960s obesity rates were around 10%, and yet most normal-weight women were taught to feel fat. Food and diet industries exploded and the more processed "low-fat' foods we ate and the more diets we engaged in the fatter we became. The fatter we became, the more we were blamed and shamed for it, always making it about the failure of individuals and not the diet and food industries that were profiting off products and services that not only don't work, but exacerbate the problem or even create the problem in the first place.
In the late-seventies I joined weight watchers as a 16 year old girl who was 5'7 and weighed 125 pounds - there was nobody there who suggested I might be in the wrong place, instead I was encouraged to lose 7 pounds so I could be a more desirable 118. Like many girls and women, this was the beginning of a pattern - lose, gain back, gain a little more than before, lose again and so on.
This isn't a question of individual willpower or character. We are being duped. When something doesn't sustainably work 95% of the time, when instead, it seems, that thing is actually having the opposite effect, isn't this a sort of insanity?
Cigarettes cause cancer. Diets and processed foods make us fat.
In the late-seventies I joined weight watchers as a 16 year old girl who was 5'7 and weighed 125 pounds - there was nobody there who suggested I might be in the wrong place, instead I was encouraged to lose 7 pounds so I could be a more desirable 118. Like many girls and women, this was the beginning of a pattern - lose, gain back, gain a little more than before, lose again and so on.
This isn't a question of individual willpower or character. We are being duped. When something doesn't sustainably work 95% of the time, when instead, it seems, that thing is actually having the opposite effect, isn't this a sort of insanity?
Cigarettes cause cancer. Diets and processed foods make us fat.
18
Such nonsense abounds when one attempts to complicate simple matters. Occam's Razor says look for the simple answer first. With weight gain the answer in the vast majority of cases is more calories in than calories out. It is quantity of food, not quality. Thermodynamics folks!
Search for a photo of a street scene from the 60's and you see slender as the norm, with the occasional portly and the very rare obese. Today we know what we see. This can't be a product a changed genome, which takes generations. It is a matter of habit and choice, certainly impacted by marketing and other influences. But if you believe in free will as I do, people choose to be fat and choose not to lose weight.
Nobody ever said it is easy, just like it is not easy to quit smoking or opiates. But failure to control one's vices is a character flaw and many of us are repulsed by the obese, and even more so by the efforts to normalize this and deny reality about the linear relationship between food introduced into an open mouth and the weight gain that follows. Eat all the organic and free range food you want - if one is overweight, they are not healthy or disciplined.
Body acceptance of being measurably overweight is about as logical as accepting any other addiction that damages self, others and society. Its a shame that shame is frowned upon as a reasonable and perhaps deterrent response to those who could if they chose, not become overweight, or reduce their girth upon achieving this state.
Search for a photo of a street scene from the 60's and you see slender as the norm, with the occasional portly and the very rare obese. Today we know what we see. This can't be a product a changed genome, which takes generations. It is a matter of habit and choice, certainly impacted by marketing and other influences. But if you believe in free will as I do, people choose to be fat and choose not to lose weight.
Nobody ever said it is easy, just like it is not easy to quit smoking or opiates. But failure to control one's vices is a character flaw and many of us are repulsed by the obese, and even more so by the efforts to normalize this and deny reality about the linear relationship between food introduced into an open mouth and the weight gain that follows. Eat all the organic and free range food you want - if one is overweight, they are not healthy or disciplined.
Body acceptance of being measurably overweight is about as logical as accepting any other addiction that damages self, others and society. Its a shame that shame is frowned upon as a reasonable and perhaps deterrent response to those who could if they chose, not become overweight, or reduce their girth upon achieving this state.
7
Finally a voice of reason. Thank you!
First there is way more to it. And second, not all eating is from addiction as defined by anyone.
3
I sat through a "mindful eating" presentation at a women's health retreat a couple years ago. It was nothing more than absurd and insulting nonsense, and a regrettable waste of an hour of my life. I remember the raisin part in particular. We were told to appraise the thing visually, smell it, and then put it up to one ear and listen to it -- listen to the faint murmurings of a shriveled grape -- before chewing it up and swallowing it with reverence and...mindfulness. Hallelujah, sister. The only reason the presenter snagged an audience at all is she followed the raisin ceremony with bars of high-quality chocolate.
8
LOL. At least the California Raisins are rich and worth listening to.
3
Mindful eating hasn't been successful for me personally - - I overeat even when I'm aware that I'm not hungry - - but it can't be taught in an hour. It has to be practiced every day, probably for many months at least.
2
Amazing, hilarious, insightful and brave article. Thank you.
3
Sugar is killing you.
Cook and eat whole foods and eliminate alcohol and sugary drinks.
Eat cruciferous veggies (kale, broccoli, etc) once a week to help clean out your colon.
And start walking in the morning. Once briskly around the block (with a glass or two of water) will stimulate your gut.
Hydrate, insoluble fiber, and a bit of physical activity and you will quickly be ten pounds lighter.
Cook and eat whole foods and eliminate alcohol and sugary drinks.
Eat cruciferous veggies (kale, broccoli, etc) once a week to help clean out your colon.
And start walking in the morning. Once briskly around the block (with a glass or two of water) will stimulate your gut.
Hydrate, insoluble fiber, and a bit of physical activity and you will quickly be ten pounds lighter.
7
Your comment is most constructive: specific useful advice without an extra helping of self-righteousness. And there are plenty here gorging on on their slim self-certitude, but not you. You win the comment section.
2
But...but a new study shows that moderate drinking 5-7 days a week (statistically) not only extends the lifespan but staves off dementia...Could the "bit of physical activity" involve elbow bending?
1
Thank you for a fabulous article on a heart-wrenching subject!
I remember the "Ice-Cream Diet" & the "Peanut Butter Diet" I tried as a teenager growing up in the US as well as a lot of other crazy ones...
Living in France for the past 40 years, becoming vegetarian (except on rare occasions) and not snacking between meals has been excellent for me. If I feel like a snack I make myself a cup of tea & pick up a book or magazine instead.
Every time I visit the US I'm shocked by the enormous restaurant portions. The last time we were in New York, my husband and I ate his Italian restaurant lasagna plate for lunch during three days after hauling his leftovers home in a "doggy bag." Avoiding "All you can eat" restaurants is high on my list...
I remember the "Ice-Cream Diet" & the "Peanut Butter Diet" I tried as a teenager growing up in the US as well as a lot of other crazy ones...
Living in France for the past 40 years, becoming vegetarian (except on rare occasions) and not snacking between meals has been excellent for me. If I feel like a snack I make myself a cup of tea & pick up a book or magazine instead.
Every time I visit the US I'm shocked by the enormous restaurant portions. The last time we were in New York, my husband and I ate his Italian restaurant lasagna plate for lunch during three days after hauling his leftovers home in a "doggy bag." Avoiding "All you can eat" restaurants is high on my list...
7
A great article. The struggle is real, individual and unique. No one experiences it in the same way. Good luck to you.
4
Thank you, Taffy. I am 65 years old...and have "dealt with weight" for the past 55 years. This article reflects my experience both generally and specifically. I grieve the wasted time and effort I have spent on self-loathing and weight loss. I am working on self-acceptance and love of this body I'm in.. that has birthed three children..has carried me through a 39 year career as a speech language pathologist. Enough. Enough already.
12
Pretty much my story. No matter what I do or don't do, I look like my mother and grandmother did, at my age. One of the luxuries of getting older is to be able finally to say, enough is enough.
3
I second that, sister.
3
I found this article touching and thought provoking. My main objection is the constant use of the work "diet". I first joined Weight Watchers over forty years ago, when I was twenty. One of the most important lessons I learned there was not to think of how you eat as a "diet". A diet never works. It's temporary. Eating healthily is a "way of life". Over the years I've tweaked the original Weight Watchers plan with better knowledge of nutrition and my body's particular issues. It's good to want to be healthy and feel happy when you look in the mirror. Not so good to have a number on the scale rule your life. Whatever one weighs, eating sugar and processed foods is not good. Moderation, exercise, having a long term view, these are good.
Also, I disagree that staying on a plan to loose weight is being "hard on yourself." Eating healthily is being good to yourself. Health is the best gift you can give yourself.
Also, I disagree that staying on a plan to loose weight is being "hard on yourself." Eating healthily is being good to yourself. Health is the best gift you can give yourself.
1
I accept that my 54-year old mind will never comprehend higher mathematics or Mandarin, but that doesn't stop me from loving what it can do AND still striving to teach it new things every day. Same with my (Weight Watchers-member) body: No, I can't eat the cupcakes or cheeseburgers, yes, I have to count points and exercise to lose--but look at all my body CAN do, it's miraculous, and imagine all the more it can do when it lugs around a little less weight. Why is this an either/or dichotomy or an existential crisis? This is the way I was made, and accepting it keeps me healthier than ignoring that or rebelling against it. And anytime I say "poor me who can't eat __ or look like her" I remind myself that my legs can walk, my arms can carry, my heart pumps... In other words, it seems to me that saying "My body as it is is a temple," is not antithetical to recognizing that I need to be vigilant about dusting and cleaning the temple, while recognizing that it's never going to be Notre Dame or the Taj Mahal--it's just mine.
4
Thanks for this great article, Taffy! Very interesting and well written. Look forward to reading more from you.
1
Commenters: Before saying "thermodynamics" or "calories in equals calories out" please remember that conservation of energy only holds true in closed systems. The human body is not a closed system: every day it takes in chemical energy sources and a few micrograms of microbes, and every day it expels waste with lower chemical energy (mostly as carbon dioxide and water vapor in our breath, but also as solid and liquid waste), along with several hundred grams of microbes.
Now, if you know how to measure all of those calories out, both in the chemical waste and in the cellular construction of the microbes, and you're able to measure how many calories were consumed as the microbes added around a half-pound of cell mass every day, and you can account for other energy dumped out by the body depending on insulin levels, then maybe, just maybe you can say "conservation of energy". (Remember, with zero insulin and an all-fat diet, you will lose weight even when you consume thousands of calories more than you physically use every day).
It's not possible to actually measure conservation of energy outside of an extremely advanced biomedical laboratory, so let's give this line of argument a rest. It's OK as an overall tonal concept: eat less and you're likely (but not guaranteed) to lose weight. But it's not physics or chemistry unless you account for everything, and you can't.
Now, if you know how to measure all of those calories out, both in the chemical waste and in the cellular construction of the microbes, and you're able to measure how many calories were consumed as the microbes added around a half-pound of cell mass every day, and you can account for other energy dumped out by the body depending on insulin levels, then maybe, just maybe you can say "conservation of energy". (Remember, with zero insulin and an all-fat diet, you will lose weight even when you consume thousands of calories more than you physically use every day).
It's not possible to actually measure conservation of energy outside of an extremely advanced biomedical laboratory, so let's give this line of argument a rest. It's OK as an overall tonal concept: eat less and you're likely (but not guaranteed) to lose weight. But it's not physics or chemistry unless you account for everything, and you can't.
19
It is not because you cannot measure it exactly that it does not apply. It most definitely applies.
Also your argument about a closed system does not apply. The energy in = energy out law applies specifically to open systems.
Also your argument about a closed system does not apply. The energy in = energy out law applies specifically to open systems.
Oprah Winfrey really let me down on this one. Why does one of the wealthiest, savviest people in America feel the need to prey on poorly-informed people by selling them even worse information. The Weight Watchers system does not work - nor does it matter. Their entire metric is focused on body weight, which is corollary, but not causal to underlying health issues.
Over and over again, we see that the only kind of human diet that works for almost all metabolism and genetic predispositions is a low-carbohydrate, sugar/HFCS-free, protein-and-vegetable-based diet. It is that simple. Any diet that prescribes sugars and refined carbohydrates in moderation - like Weight Watchers, is garbage.
That being said, Weight Watchers seems like a really profitable business. Maybe I shouldn't blame Oprah for selling out?
Over and over again, we see that the only kind of human diet that works for almost all metabolism and genetic predispositions is a low-carbohydrate, sugar/HFCS-free, protein-and-vegetable-based diet. It is that simple. Any diet that prescribes sugars and refined carbohydrates in moderation - like Weight Watchers, is garbage.
That being said, Weight Watchers seems like a really profitable business. Maybe I shouldn't blame Oprah for selling out?
1
The author of this piece sounds like she has disordered eating and an obsession with food and body image in general. Some other commenters have mentioned that the emotional aspects of eating and mental stability have not been brought up. I agree. This article reminds me of all the random times I have met up with women who compulsively talk about food and guilt about eating as a conversation topic. Instead of talking about our families, our passions, our community, our achievements, our dreams, some women are stuck in this hamster wheel of self-centered food issues, guilt, how they are perceived by others, and general worthlessness. I find it bizarre and don't relate at all.
I'm 45 and weigh the same as I did in high school (125 lbs). I cycle 160 miles/week, run 7 miles on my lunch break, avoid soda, sweets and red meat. I don't have wrinkles either. I am much more eager to hear about someone's half-marathon race or mountain hike than listen to someone's plan to obsessively eat only cucumbers for the next 3 months to lose weight for Christmas.
Companies take advantage of people and try and sell the magical "weight loss cure": diets, meal plans, green juices, cleanses, etc. Eat unprocessed food, exercise and avoid sugar to maintain a healthy weight. The sedentary ladies in my office who go to Starbucks 2-3 times a day to get cheap 500 calorie drinks loaded with cream, sugar and artificial flavorings are all overweight. Your weight is related to your lifestyle, period.
I'm 45 and weigh the same as I did in high school (125 lbs). I cycle 160 miles/week, run 7 miles on my lunch break, avoid soda, sweets and red meat. I don't have wrinkles either. I am much more eager to hear about someone's half-marathon race or mountain hike than listen to someone's plan to obsessively eat only cucumbers for the next 3 months to lose weight for Christmas.
Companies take advantage of people and try and sell the magical "weight loss cure": diets, meal plans, green juices, cleanses, etc. Eat unprocessed food, exercise and avoid sugar to maintain a healthy weight. The sedentary ladies in my office who go to Starbucks 2-3 times a day to get cheap 500 calorie drinks loaded with cream, sugar and artificial flavorings are all overweight. Your weight is related to your lifestyle, period.
2
Personally I think listening to someone bray on about their exercise is far less interesting that hearing about that weird cucumber diet. Nothing is more boring than a "perfect" person talking about how perfect they are and how imperfect everyone else is. Maybe the secretaries at your work don't get the lunch hour that lets you run seven miles while you sneer at them.
12
You have artfully and articulately written about my life and experiences. I was a LifeTime WW member after losing 60lbs. Kept it off for about 2-3 years. Theni gained it all back and then some - while ostensibly on program. - actually almsot 30lbs heavier then when I initially lost. I've vascillates between trying not and trying to accept. I get tired of fighting with food and feeling bad about myself for liking Cheesecake or steak. It's insanity and yet I can't get off the try train either. Currently down 11lbs from my hugest weight ever and pushing myself. It is exhausting - physically, emotionally, spiritually.
6
Thank you for writing this piece. I've never read anything like it before, and it's helped put my own struggles and biases with weight into perspective.Truly, thank you.
3
Dieting is like trying to control how many times a minute you breath. Possible for awhile, but doomed to failure. It is impossible to sustain a 'diet plan' that requires you to be hungry/unsatisfied for much of the time.
The answer (for me, anyway) is a vegan diet as espoused by Joel Furman MD in "Eat to Live" and Michael Gregor in "How Not to Die". You can eat until you are satisfied on healthy fruits/veggies/grains/beans etc.
Other causes of weight gain are sleep deprivation and stress. I retired 3 years ago from a job that required night call and was extremely stressful - and I am 10 lbs. lighter since then with no change in diet.
The answer (for me, anyway) is a vegan diet as espoused by Joel Furman MD in "Eat to Live" and Michael Gregor in "How Not to Die". You can eat until you are satisfied on healthy fruits/veggies/grains/beans etc.
Other causes of weight gain are sleep deprivation and stress. I retired 3 years ago from a job that required night call and was extremely stressful - and I am 10 lbs. lighter since then with no change in diet.
11
Thank you for your bravery. It was an exposing essay that was made more powerful with your own story. That took moxy, but it worked. Your story resonated deeply, Taffy. I'm on the 16:8 Diet and lost 7 kilos (15 pounds) this summer. I feel I've shed my "shame fat" first - I'd been carrying that for decades.
4
Absolutely superb article. So funny, so heart breaking, so completely spot on about the whole weight loss industrial complex. And even though it ended on a sad note, I still feel like the overall tone was one of hope. I am giving a standing O (for Oprah) and for this exquisite writer. Well done! (Full disclosure...I joined WW a few months ago and I think it's awesome. They have REALLY changed for the better.)
2
Here's my story. I experienced abuse as a child. The Adverse Childhood Experience studies show abuse and other early stress experiences as contributors to often severe obesity as an adult. I became obese, went on diets, lost as much as 63 pounds on them, then gained weight back - rapidly, ravenously, and more than I'd lost. This dieting rebound cause of weight gain was first established in a starvation study on conscientious objectors during World War II. In my 50s my weight was 231 pounds,making me severely obese. I was no longer dieting and rebounding, but was marooned at a high weight. I decided to get a gastric band, and took out a home equity loan, $23,000, since my insurance didn't cover it. I was told that I could expect to lose 50-75% of my excess weight. My weight went down to 175, which represented a loss of 75% of my excess weight and put me at a size 16. That was in 2003. My weight has fluctuated widely since then, going as high as 217 and as low as 180. The gastric band works, and eliminates most hunger, but I've had decades-long problems with binge eating disorder (only recently defined and described as an eating disorder) that I believe goes back to the childhood abuse, plus a history of dieting rebound overeating, plus ongoing life stress. Just a few months ago I discovered by chance a medication that's being used off-label for BED. It works for me. The binges have stopped and I don't expect them to resume. I weigh 176.But I've had a rough five decades or so.
3
what medicine are you trying? so far, for me, cutting added sugar completely helps (i.e. no sugar, agave, honey, sweetners etc.). sugar only from eating fruit.
Sugar is fruit is still sugar--do you think the fiber cancels whatever ills you attribute to sugar?
1
Thank you so much for this. It helped me so much to know I'm not alone in how I feel.
2
I was never fat, but as a teenager I developed the idea I was fat because I wasn't "waif-ish". This led to years of over-exercising, calorie-couting, anorexia, bulimia and self-loathing.
Looking back at photographs, I was a normal 13 year old girl. My family was vegetarian, exercised every day (soccer and biking and running and swimming in our backyard). Our society allows women to blame themselves, to hate themselves, for not being what is accepted, which, it turns out, it roughly impossible. "She's too fat, too thin, too much muscle, too weak...." As I grew older and got TIRED of feeling that way all the time, I decided to stop caring. I am going to LOOK however I am going to look. This doesnt mean I don't experience moments of wanting to be thin like Gigi, Kendall, blah blah blah, but my status quo is not to care.
Today, I am vegan and ride my bike to work every day. The important part of this equation is I do neither of these things solely for heath. I am vegan for ethical reasons. Riding my bike is the most logical and cheapest way to commute. The health benefits are secondary. The more I engage in worlds that don't ask me how I look, the better I feel.
I am lucky to never had had a true problem with weighing too much, but like many women in our society, I have spent many, many years trying to fix a problem that was never there. It is a long journey and we all deserve credit for the extremely taxing experience of just trying to be normal.
Looking back at photographs, I was a normal 13 year old girl. My family was vegetarian, exercised every day (soccer and biking and running and swimming in our backyard). Our society allows women to blame themselves, to hate themselves, for not being what is accepted, which, it turns out, it roughly impossible. "She's too fat, too thin, too much muscle, too weak...." As I grew older and got TIRED of feeling that way all the time, I decided to stop caring. I am going to LOOK however I am going to look. This doesnt mean I don't experience moments of wanting to be thin like Gigi, Kendall, blah blah blah, but my status quo is not to care.
Today, I am vegan and ride my bike to work every day. The important part of this equation is I do neither of these things solely for heath. I am vegan for ethical reasons. Riding my bike is the most logical and cheapest way to commute. The health benefits are secondary. The more I engage in worlds that don't ask me how I look, the better I feel.
I am lucky to never had had a true problem with weighing too much, but like many women in our society, I have spent many, many years trying to fix a problem that was never there. It is a long journey and we all deserve credit for the extremely taxing experience of just trying to be normal.
13
For someone who seems to thoroughly understand both the psychology, culture and science of weight loss, I'm surprised that there's still this strange element of black-and-white thinking in this piece. She seems to take varying sides of the "is it better to be fat or thin?" "Is it healthy to be fat or thin?" arguments. But these are false choices. Some people will be healthy overweight. Some people won't be. SOme people will be healthy thin, some people are not healthy when they're thin. Obviously at the extremes it's the same for everyone; you get too thin and you die, you get too fat and you can't get out of bed - but there is so much variance in between that trying to give a yes or no answer to abstract questions like, "Is it possible to be healthy at 5'8 and 200 pounds?" is pointless. The answer, of course, is maybe, and it depends on who you're talking about.
3
Most people who hike the Appalachian Train loose 40 pounds eating as much as they like. Elite marathon runners and lumberjacks eat 2-3 times as much as sedentary people.
3500 calories= 1 pound of fat, running or walking a mile burns 100 cal. 35 miles= 1 pound of fat.
Burning fat causes fluid loss at first; so the first 2 week a starvation diet looses 5 pond of fat and 5 pounds of fluid.
3500 calories= 1 pound of fat, running or walking a mile burns 100 cal. 35 miles= 1 pound of fat.
Burning fat causes fluid loss at first; so the first 2 week a starvation diet looses 5 pond of fat and 5 pounds of fluid.
Lost my weight 50 lbs on WW 16 yrs ago and have worked part time as a Meeting Leader ever since. I eat the same foods now that I ate when I first started WW and my weight has remained stable. I do not personally count points nor focus on losing. I just eat fresh local food and move my body.
I have been there for hundreds to navigate their twisting and often convoluted lives. Lifetimers at goal live their lives and roll with the punches. Yes, they weigh themselves and are accountable at a monthly weigh in. One big clue to their success and essential to my own stable weight is a dance of eating whole food, moving their bodies daily and grit. Successful long term losers go slow, learn to adapt with curiosity and good humor.
I have been there for hundreds to navigate their twisting and often convoluted lives. Lifetimers at goal live their lives and roll with the punches. Yes, they weigh themselves and are accountable at a monthly weigh in. One big clue to their success and essential to my own stable weight is a dance of eating whole food, moving their bodies daily and grit. Successful long term losers go slow, learn to adapt with curiosity and good humor.
2
Thank you. You summarized my last 62 years of weight issues. It would be interesting to find out how people who have maintained a significant weight loss (there must be one or two somewhere - right? ) have accomplished this.
Weight Watchers has never seemed to stress maintenance other than the Lifetime free meetings if you maintain your goal weight every month. Offering more concrete insentives ($, coupons) might motivate maintenance but it would cut into their profit.
Weight Watchers has never seemed to stress maintenance other than the Lifetime free meetings if you maintain your goal weight every month. Offering more concrete insentives ($, coupons) might motivate maintenance but it would cut into their profit.
1
The National Weight Control Registry studies people who've lost a lot of weight and maintained their weight loss for a long time.
How they do it:
- lowfat diet - average is only 24% of calories from fat
- lots of exercise, on average an hour/day.
- breakfast every day
- maintain their eating pattern on weekends and holidays
- they drink a lot of low-calorie/no-calorie drinks, like water
- they weigh themselves regularly (catching weight gain early)
- they don't watch much TV
- they sleep at least 7 hrs / night
How they do it:
- lowfat diet - average is only 24% of calories from fat
- lots of exercise, on average an hour/day.
- breakfast every day
- maintain their eating pattern on weekends and holidays
- they drink a lot of low-calorie/no-calorie drinks, like water
- they weigh themselves regularly (catching weight gain early)
- they don't watch much TV
- they sleep at least 7 hrs / night
4
Thank you, Jane! Yikes, I'm doomed! I do eat breakfast every day. That's about it.
I wonder how many people follow the above guidelines and are still overweight?
I wonder how many people follow the above guidelines and are still overweight?
1
Let's not kid ourselves. Food is an addiction. This is like the opioid epidemic and just as deadly, just not so immediately, and kills many more people via diabetes, heart disease and inertia. Obesity needs to be researched and treated as the American epidemic it is.
3
Truly inspired and transparent...you give others courage through your sharing. THANKS!
No potato chips, no french fries, no candy, cookies, cake or pie, no sodas or ice cream, two moderate meals a day without dessert - not fun but it should do the trick.
3
"Is a diet successful if it stops being successful once you’re done with it?" Why would you expect that? After all, it takes a lifetime to get fat. Why, if after the diet you return to your old lifestyle, should you continue to keep the weight of?
4
Thank you, Taffy, for your honesty and for not manufacturing some false "resolution". This is the best thing I've read about weight in a long time, and I've been struggling with mine for years.
1
as you so wonderfully observe, being fat is no less a condition than being thin. Nor is being white any less a condition than being black or brown.
However one set of conditions comes with enormous un earned benefits and the others with liabilities that will never go away.
Becoming thin if you are fat is no more probable than becoming tall if you are short. You can stand on your toes for awhile but in the end, you wind up where nature left you.
There may be an answer of sorts to this one day-- a genetic tweak, a radical surgery or a drug. But the question will become as it has for many people who are different than the ideal-- do we make the change? Some deaf people have no interest in hearing and there are blind people who can recover their sight and choose not to.
Being fat may affect your health, shorten your life or give you diabetes however, the gymnastics required to make yourself thin may be worse in the long run.
However one set of conditions comes with enormous un earned benefits and the others with liabilities that will never go away.
Becoming thin if you are fat is no more probable than becoming tall if you are short. You can stand on your toes for awhile but in the end, you wind up where nature left you.
There may be an answer of sorts to this one day-- a genetic tweak, a radical surgery or a drug. But the question will become as it has for many people who are different than the ideal-- do we make the change? Some deaf people have no interest in hearing and there are blind people who can recover their sight and choose not to.
Being fat may affect your health, shorten your life or give you diabetes however, the gymnastics required to make yourself thin may be worse in the long run.
3
Just want to give a shout-out for WeightWatchers. I lost 35 lbs 4 years ago..It took about 8 months but I went from 155 to 120 lbs. While no longer in the program, I continue to maintain my 33 lb weight loss. Without WW, I'm sure I would not have had the focus or diligence to begin this journey. I feel great and look pretty good too. I am one who feels the gratitude.
3
I really enjoyed this article and thought that it was a great blend of journalism and personal experience. There was one part of it that I ... I don't want to say took issue with but that I thought was unexplored and that was the sentence about halfway through that was: "Weight Watchers is designed to be successful only if you can stay on Weight Watchers forever."
This confused me. Maybe I'm misunderstanding and you are talking about committing to WW language and rubric and culture for the rest of your life? And that can seem .. daunting or limiting? But committing to paying attention to what you eat and the quantities that you consume is what I would call total normalcy.
Do you think that people who are thin who you see licking cupcakes and drinking Dr. Peppers are mindlessly consuming food? I promise you that most spend time daily and weekly thinking about what they eat in a holistic manner. As in, "Oh, I had a cupcake today, so no dessert after dinner." This is normalcy.
This confused me. Maybe I'm misunderstanding and you are talking about committing to WW language and rubric and culture for the rest of your life? And that can seem .. daunting or limiting? But committing to paying attention to what you eat and the quantities that you consume is what I would call total normalcy.
Do you think that people who are thin who you see licking cupcakes and drinking Dr. Peppers are mindlessly consuming food? I promise you that most spend time daily and weekly thinking about what they eat in a holistic manner. As in, "Oh, I had a cupcake today, so no dessert after dinner." This is normalcy.
2
Yesterday I read an article in the Times about patients who don't take their medications as prescribed. "Stupidity" was the favored explanation. I assure you that explanation is inadequate to the problem.
I didn't finish reading this article. I can't. I won't. I stopped dieting oh, maybe 25 years ago. Cold turkey. When I quit, I was swimming an hour a day. I was fat, swimming an hour a day, a professional woman with acknowledged accomplishments in my profession, being scolded and demeaned, pitied, non-compliant. I didn't get any fatter and I didn't miraculously lose weight. Looking at a picture of a long-distance swimmer, a woman who worked harder at it than I ever had, I realized "that's what I look like." We looked pretty much the same, except she was strong and happy, confident, self-assured. Looking like a long-distance swimmer, I decided, was good enough.
Non-compliant? Not me. I kept swallowing those anti-depressants, every day, year after year, long after I realized they weren't doing me any good. I never considered the potential harm ... until I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease ... and the psychiatrist wanted to put me on an anti-depressant that advertised in bold-face letters tardive dyskinesia as a side effect. Oh no, I said. Tardive dyskinesia! Twisting uncontrolled muscle movements. For a woman diagnosed with Parkinson's disease!
NOW I'm non-compliant. Now I make my own decisions about the drugs I take. And I've lost a lot of weight. Who cares? Not me.
I didn't finish reading this article. I can't. I won't. I stopped dieting oh, maybe 25 years ago. Cold turkey. When I quit, I was swimming an hour a day. I was fat, swimming an hour a day, a professional woman with acknowledged accomplishments in my profession, being scolded and demeaned, pitied, non-compliant. I didn't get any fatter and I didn't miraculously lose weight. Looking at a picture of a long-distance swimmer, a woman who worked harder at it than I ever had, I realized "that's what I look like." We looked pretty much the same, except she was strong and happy, confident, self-assured. Looking like a long-distance swimmer, I decided, was good enough.
Non-compliant? Not me. I kept swallowing those anti-depressants, every day, year after year, long after I realized they weren't doing me any good. I never considered the potential harm ... until I was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease ... and the psychiatrist wanted to put me on an anti-depressant that advertised in bold-face letters tardive dyskinesia as a side effect. Oh no, I said. Tardive dyskinesia! Twisting uncontrolled muscle movements. For a woman diagnosed with Parkinson's disease!
NOW I'm non-compliant. Now I make my own decisions about the drugs I take. And I've lost a lot of weight. Who cares? Not me.
1
I remember regularly reading in some women's magazine that metabolic problems were rare. Turns out they were wrong! Forty percent of us have genetics prone to Type 2 diabetes. In other words, we cannot tolerate all the carbohydrates in the modern way of eating. We are different! We do struggle! Even the fetuses we carry are getting heavier! Don't tell me THEY don't exercise enough!
There are a number of health problems where the solutions are bitterly fought because there are huge self interests opposing them. If these solutions were implemented, the economy would be crushed.
One of them is diet and nutrition. Medical researchers - and expensive personal trainers - know the actual science.
Obesity is a symptom, not a disease. The disease is "insulin resistance". Pretty good proof can be found in a 1960 issue of Circulation medical journal.
Giving everyone this information would destroy the food industry.
The information was published in NY Times Magazine in 2003, by a science researched named Gary Taubes, and many lobbyists pivoted quickly to discredit it. Since then, all solid studies have proved his statements, but they get very little publicity. No wonder even Oprah is clueless about it.
One of them is diet and nutrition. Medical researchers - and expensive personal trainers - know the actual science.
Obesity is a symptom, not a disease. The disease is "insulin resistance". Pretty good proof can be found in a 1960 issue of Circulation medical journal.
Giving everyone this information would destroy the food industry.
The information was published in NY Times Magazine in 2003, by a science researched named Gary Taubes, and many lobbyists pivoted quickly to discredit it. Since then, all solid studies have proved his statements, but they get very little publicity. No wonder even Oprah is clueless about it.
4
Gary Taubes is a science writer, not a researcher, and a good critique of what he says can be found at http://reason.com/archives/2003/03/01/big-fat-fake
1
This is without a doubt one of the most thoughtful articles I have ever read. All the women who directly share my paternal grandmother's genes are obese, as was she.
Those who start their comments with something like "all you have to do is...." simply don't know what they are talking about.
Would you say that to someone else with a genetic/metabolic based disorder? I hope not.
You have not walked in our shoes. Our society only passes judgement on those of us who wear them.
I look forward to more of Taffy's articles. She has a wonderfully sensitive and informed point of view.
Those who start their comments with something like "all you have to do is...." simply don't know what they are talking about.
Would you say that to someone else with a genetic/metabolic based disorder? I hope not.
You have not walked in our shoes. Our society only passes judgement on those of us who wear them.
I look forward to more of Taffy's articles. She has a wonderfully sensitive and informed point of view.
9
The metabolic disorder that adds weight while eating less than you burn does not exist. I agree that people with a thrifty metabolism will have to eat less. OK, so you are genetically unlucky. It just means that you can (have to?) make do with less food. In times of scarcity this was an advantage. In our world of easy access to calories it is a disadvantage.
1
Fat or thin, people's bodies are doing what they are programmed to do: gain a genetically determined amount of weight when there is an abundance of highly caloric food available. We store up calories in the form of fat during the abundance of summer in preparation for the certainty of weeks or months of hunger or starvation during winter. The problem with modern society: winter never comes...
4
What a remarkable piece of journalism. Thank you. Thank you.
Awesome, terrific article, one of the best I've ever read!
I enjoyed reading this smart and funny article. The NYT has published several well researched, thought provoking articles lately about low-carb, high-fat eating, and I am curious to know if this is something Taffy has considered or tried. While LCHF eating is a very simple, bizarrely easy and delicious way to shed pounds almost effortlessly (and healthfully, with a diet loaded with vegetables, nuts, seeds, avocado, olive oil, moderate protein and fruits, and no refined carbohydrates or sugars), the single biggest, most life-changing advantage I have experienced is the complete absence of the food obsession and cravings I would invariably experience while doing conventional low calorie, high carb diets. Now that I eat LCHF, I have eliminated self-loathing, constant food guilt, feelings of remorse about binges and cheats, because there are none. LCHF eliminates sugar fueled cravings, allowing one to truly eat intuitively, which is something that I was NEVER able to do when I was living a life of carb-fueled sugar highs and crashes. The freed up mental bandwidth makes me feel light, joyful and free. This is not a diet. Effortlessly controlling blood glucose and insulin through healthful eating is a way of life that leads to happiness and emotional freedom. Unfortunately, it is still considered unconventional and slightly fringe, butI hope it is something Taffy and others will at least consider, if they so chose. Best of luck to you in your journey, Taffy.
1
The National Weight Control Registry studies people who've lost a lot of weight and maintained their weight loss for a long time.
They generally eat a lowfat diet - average is only 24% of calories from fat. Only a few of the registry members eat a LCHF diet.
Also, the LCHF diet may be dangerous. See the study "Low Protein Intake is Associated with a Major Reduction in IGF-1, Cancer, and Overall Mortality in the 65 and Younger but Not Older Population". From the paper:
"Respondents (n=6,381) aged 50–65 reporting high protein intake had a 75% increase in overall mortality and a 4-fold increase in cancer and diabetes mortality during an 18 year follow up period. These associations were either abolished or attenuated if the source of proteins was plant-based. "
"High protein intake" was defined as 20% or more of calories from proteins. People on a LCHF diet tend to eat a lot of protein.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3988204/
They generally eat a lowfat diet - average is only 24% of calories from fat. Only a few of the registry members eat a LCHF diet.
Also, the LCHF diet may be dangerous. See the study "Low Protein Intake is Associated with a Major Reduction in IGF-1, Cancer, and Overall Mortality in the 65 and Younger but Not Older Population". From the paper:
"Respondents (n=6,381) aged 50–65 reporting high protein intake had a 75% increase in overall mortality and a 4-fold increase in cancer and diabetes mortality during an 18 year follow up period. These associations were either abolished or attenuated if the source of proteins was plant-based. "
"High protein intake" was defined as 20% or more of calories from proteins. People on a LCHF diet tend to eat a lot of protein.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3988204/
1
Taffy, several things stuck out for me in your thoughtful article. The form wont let me discuss them all. Briefly, the importance of feeling in control that you mentioned. Then the word diet; I prefer weight management bc it isnt focused on a goal so much as feeling in control. Last was the image you watching others longingly as they ate junk food. I've learned a few things this past year from a book called The Beck Diet Solution that you might find helpful. Dr. Beck says that "naturally" thin people automatically correct after an indulgence, without thinking about it, because it's something they've always done. They might have a quarter pounder one day but feel like fruit and vegetables the next without really being conscious of it. When we see fit people eating fudge, we have to remember we aren't seeing the whole picture. From your image I inferred that you were feeling the unfairness of not being able to eat whatever you please. That's one of the sabotaging thoughts that Dr. Beck identifies. Her response is that what would be really unfair is letting your sense of unfairness keep you from your goals.
I've been on WW off and on for 17 years. Last fall I joined the online-only program right before Thanksgiving. Since then I've lost 70 lbs, with 80 still to go. What's working for me this time is the positivity of the Connect community and the Beck Diet Solution. If you're on Connect, I'm bravelyrobin. Good luck with your journey!
I've been on WW off and on for 17 years. Last fall I joined the online-only program right before Thanksgiving. Since then I've lost 70 lbs, with 80 still to go. What's working for me this time is the positivity of the Connect community and the Beck Diet Solution. If you're on Connect, I'm bravelyrobin. Good luck with your journey!
2
If you've been dieting off and on for 17 years and still had 150 pounds to lose, do you consider those previous years a good use of your time / energy / focus? It seems instead to reveal the truism that diets don't result in lasting weight loss. Good luck on your continued journey, I'm not trying to bring you down, just noticing your allegiance and enthusiasm for something that seems to have delivered small returns to you over time.
1
It's a cultural thing. We are sedentary and eat terrible food and too much of it.. Eat less, eat better, exercise more. It's a choice. If you want to lose weight and look different then do it. If you don't then don't and accept yourself and put your energies elsewhere and stop obsessing about it. I recommend the book French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliamo. Then don't just talk about it actually do what it takes to live a healthier happier life.
My parents put me on the Judy Mazel's Beverly Hills Diet when I was 10 years old back in 1980. To this day, I cannot even look at a raisin as a result of Judy's ridiculous diet. And I was not a a fat child by any era's standards, I just was not cheerleader thin.
Flash forward to present day, and I laughed out loud reading Taffy's incredible article because I had been on every diet she named and felt like I had walked a mile or two in her same shoes. I have been a size 4 and a size 16, anorexic and also painfully obese for my 5'3 frame. What have I learned from my journey? Size does not matter. How you feel about yourself and your self worth does. I am now a healthy size 12. Thanks to the practice of hot yoga have learned to love myself and my body, rubbing thighs, jingling upper arms and all.
Taffy you are a soulful, self-aware, talented, and kind person. These qualities shine through in your writing. I look forward to reading more from you. Thank you for making my day/week/year with your story.
Flash forward to present day, and I laughed out loud reading Taffy's incredible article because I had been on every diet she named and felt like I had walked a mile or two in her same shoes. I have been a size 4 and a size 16, anorexic and also painfully obese for my 5'3 frame. What have I learned from my journey? Size does not matter. How you feel about yourself and your self worth does. I am now a healthy size 12. Thanks to the practice of hot yoga have learned to love myself and my body, rubbing thighs, jingling upper arms and all.
Taffy you are a soulful, self-aware, talented, and kind person. These qualities shine through in your writing. I look forward to reading more from you. Thank you for making my day/week/year with your story.
160
Thank you for such an honest, heartfelt, and yes painful article. I think one thing it did not touch on is the issue of emotional eating, which overwhelmingly affects women. I don't think Weight Watchers, a commercial group, truly addresses this, in spite of their "supportive" meetings. Perhaps sufferers of emotional eating should be encouraged to seek counseling, just like people with anger management or other such problems are. I grew up seeing my mother standing at the kitchen counter shoving food into her face every time she was nervous, and as an adult I've watched my only sister, a lovely woman, struggle with her weight for her entire life. Now in her early 50's she seems to have given up, even though I know she feels bad about her weight, and is obese. I know for a fact this was learned behavior for both of us, and I just happened to get lucky that it did not become an addiction or emotional refuge for me, and lucky with my genetics that I lose weight very easily.
3
America's access and approach to food has created the obesity crisis. Changing our societal attitude towards food collectively would go a long way towards helping people with their weight issues. Obesity is the biggest health issue in our country. To consider it an option to lost weight neglects the cancer, heart, and liver risks. Our bodies were not made for the all you can eat buffet or vast quantities of sugar. Our bodies were made for fruits, vegetables, some protein, some fat and some starch. Let's find a way to support healthy eating for everyone.
7
In December 2012, I was 36 years old, 5'4" tall and weighed over 200 pounds. I finally became determined to tackle my weight issues.
I started off by cutting out soda pop completely, stopped watching TV and started walking at least two hours a day. A month later, after losing 10 pounds, I was ready to start running (an activity I once hated but have now come to love).
At first, I could only run a couple of blocks or two but within a month I was able to run a mile. I bought a scale and monitored my weight twice daily so I could learn what worked and what didn't work for me in terms of exercise and dietary choices. I also bought a FitBit.
Although I cut down my portion sizes, I didn't explicitly eliminate any particular food items but instead focused on what made me feel better (my primary metric being how fast and long I was able to run). I found that carb-heavy foods were best enjoyed before a run but that in general, focusing on fiber-rich foods was what my body liked best.
I continued fine-tuning my diet & exercise habits according to what the scale told me and consistently lost 10 pounds a month for eight months straight. Nearly five years later, I continue to vigilantly monitor the scale (it's much easier to deal with a half pound weight gain than a five pound weight gain and far less demoralizing).
I have kept it all off and more (I've lost a total of 95 pounds and currently weigh 110 pounds), largely by consistently exercising and eating small portions.
I started off by cutting out soda pop completely, stopped watching TV and started walking at least two hours a day. A month later, after losing 10 pounds, I was ready to start running (an activity I once hated but have now come to love).
At first, I could only run a couple of blocks or two but within a month I was able to run a mile. I bought a scale and monitored my weight twice daily so I could learn what worked and what didn't work for me in terms of exercise and dietary choices. I also bought a FitBit.
Although I cut down my portion sizes, I didn't explicitly eliminate any particular food items but instead focused on what made me feel better (my primary metric being how fast and long I was able to run). I found that carb-heavy foods were best enjoyed before a run but that in general, focusing on fiber-rich foods was what my body liked best.
I continued fine-tuning my diet & exercise habits according to what the scale told me and consistently lost 10 pounds a month for eight months straight. Nearly five years later, I continue to vigilantly monitor the scale (it's much easier to deal with a half pound weight gain than a five pound weight gain and far less demoralizing).
I have kept it all off and more (I've lost a total of 95 pounds and currently weigh 110 pounds), largely by consistently exercising and eating small portions.
7
Regardless of how you try to classify it, it will still be called dieting. Also we should instead learn to love our selves and who we are and what makes us an individual instead than we should start to make decisions, in order to make us a better person. In my opinion the reason why people are interpreting it in different ways is because they're misinterpreting the word "diet". Dieting is not starving yourself or skipping meals to becoming stick thin. It's what been said in this article, making healthier choices and exercising in order to live a healthier, happier and longer life. Also having a set weight is actually not a bad thing as it creates a goal for you and when you achieve that goal you get a feeling of achievement, and it's very satisfying.
An eye opening narrative. As someone with nearly all the hegemonic identities our society has to offer, it is incredibly important for me to read and listen to others who do not share these identities, and build empathize in order to break down the contrived distance. Thank you.
A book, that is mostly unrelated, but still interesting, is Happy City by Charles Montgomery. In the vein of Jane Jacobs, it discusses how humans interact with cities and how the very design impacts our mental and physical health. It doesn't speak much to the personal struggle that you relate here, but it opens up the frontier of health and complexes notions of health and happiness.
(i.e "How you feel about your health matters as much in health outcomes and happiness as many other parts of lifestyle.")
Thank you again for broadening my horizons. Best of luck to you in finding what works for your brain and body. Excited to read more in the culture section!
A book, that is mostly unrelated, but still interesting, is Happy City by Charles Montgomery. In the vein of Jane Jacobs, it discusses how humans interact with cities and how the very design impacts our mental and physical health. It doesn't speak much to the personal struggle that you relate here, but it opens up the frontier of health and complexes notions of health and happiness.
(i.e "How you feel about your health matters as much in health outcomes and happiness as many other parts of lifestyle.")
Thank you again for broadening my horizons. Best of luck to you in finding what works for your brain and body. Excited to read more in the culture section!
1
The truth is theat most people are over trying to lose weight as they are so heavy, that they know the battle is over. The sad aspect of that is a life as it goes towards the age of 50 and over puts one at risk of having numbers with cholesterol and blood pressure, that most doctors will put one on medicine for, which has side affects, and then one is forced to face the fact, that yes, one is fat(overwieght or obese), and then realize that either they get serious or they go towards diabetes, heart disease, and mobility issues. Having a family of many doctors in it over 3 generations, I have seen the majority of people be thin and average, when I was in high school over 50 years ago, to seeing 74% of adults overweight or obese, and the children and teenagers not far behind.
2
Diets don't work. Weight Watchers wants money. Weight and health are not automatically the same thing. Food is not morality. Exercise is of benefit independently of weight loss. Full stop.
1
This was an incredible read, especially the personal parts. Thank you for being honest and brave--and for writing about the science, the industry, and your struggles so compellingly.
3
Thank you, Taffy, for this fascinating and beautifully written article. I am eager to read more from you.
1
Thank you for a thoughtful piece, highlighting both the societal issues and your individual experience. The depth and perceptiveness of how labels and ideas have changed helped me feel better about my own struggles and achy knees. I look forward to reading more pieces in the future.
certainly a well-researched and well-written article. I was quite dismayed however, to reach the end of the article and not find any mention of the plague of Eating Disorders, especially Binge Eating Disorder, from which so many, so called "overweight" people suffer. The issue of weight is medically and psychologically complex. Fortunately there is help available for those willing to overcome the stigma associated with body image and weight. I am fortunate to live in one of several cities nationwide where top notch, nationally-known services, both residential and outpatient , are available and utilized to benefit so many individuals by meeting both their medical and psychological needs.
I think the high failure rate for dieting has to do with the typical, overambitious way that most regimens are started. A much better approach is to change consumption habits over a very long period of time (years) to prevent the body from sensing an upcoming period of famine.
Pick something to taper off of first, like sugar, and simply reduce it slowly for months while replacing with fresh fruit, vegetables and meat. Eliminate artificial flavors from your consumption because they overwhelm your sense of taste. Those fruits and vegetables will taste much better when you are not regularly consuming those chemicals.
Pick something to taper off of first, like sugar, and simply reduce it slowly for months while replacing with fresh fruit, vegetables and meat. Eliminate artificial flavors from your consumption because they overwhelm your sense of taste. Those fruits and vegetables will taste much better when you are not regularly consuming those chemicals.
The American fast-food industry shares part of the blame. I am old enough to remember a time when there wasn't a MacDonald's or a Burger King on every corner, a time when you just didn't see people who were grossly obese. If you saw them, they were at the fair in the (politically incorrect) freak show.
Twenty or more years ago a French doctor (skinny, healthy, a runner, now, alas, dead of a brain tumor) mentioned to me that he didn't recommend diets because "they don't work."
Most really obese people I see never stop imbibing calories. They're always carrying a supersized drink, they indulge in a sugary snack. It would be fine except that they're at a greater risk for diabetes and cancer. It is so sad to see a young person who's had part of a leg amputated. I admire Mayor Bloomberg for having tried to stop the selling of oversized soft drinks - at least he cared about his constituents!
The best advice would be to eat more raw vegetables and fruit, smaller portions of lean meats, and stop obsessing about it.
Twenty or more years ago a French doctor (skinny, healthy, a runner, now, alas, dead of a brain tumor) mentioned to me that he didn't recommend diets because "they don't work."
Most really obese people I see never stop imbibing calories. They're always carrying a supersized drink, they indulge in a sugary snack. It would be fine except that they're at a greater risk for diabetes and cancer. It is so sad to see a young person who's had part of a leg amputated. I admire Mayor Bloomberg for having tried to stop the selling of oversized soft drinks - at least he cared about his constituents!
The best advice would be to eat more raw vegetables and fruit, smaller portions of lean meats, and stop obsessing about it.
1
Good article. As another commenter mentioned, only extremes are referenced in the article. Overweight people and skinny people. I am average weight for my height, always have been, and since I was a teenager I have had to watch what I eat to stay relatively the same size. If I don't pay attention to portions, if I stop exercising, I start to gain weight. Food in this country is not prepared or served in such a way that I will stay the same without effort. Constant vigilance is required. Good thing I enjoy vegetables so much! (I do eat an ounce of dark low-sugar chocolate every day.) That said, we have no idea what other people are going through or what their genetic makeup is. There are many factors at play. The author does not know what other meals the "skinny" people had that day, how much they worked out, how much their hormones, family history, age, etc play in their metabolic makeup. Nor do the people who judge her. More kindness and compassion for ourselves and others is the only way!
1
You have no chance of achieving and maintaining a more optimal weight for you if you are "on a diet." Zero. That is a deprivation mentality. That requires will power and study after study shows that will power is a finite resource. It will run out and you will eat foods that are likely going to move you away from that optimal weight.
You have to get to the point that you don't want those burgers and fries, that you don't want that regular Dr. Pepper, that you don't want to lick the icing off a cupcake...not even a little bit. I don't eat any of those things and I don't consider myself on a diet. I'm offered, say no, and don't feel an ounce of deprivation, no War of the Worlds between your inner characters.
You don't get there overnight. I certainly didn't. But it really does come down to making smarter food choices and the only possible way you can sustain that over time is if there really isn't a choice to make.
I am not saying this will make you "thin" as I don't know what that means for a given body type, but it will get you and keep you closer to an optimal weight for you, without all the Sturm and Drang.
You have to get to the point that you don't want those burgers and fries, that you don't want that regular Dr. Pepper, that you don't want to lick the icing off a cupcake...not even a little bit. I don't eat any of those things and I don't consider myself on a diet. I'm offered, say no, and don't feel an ounce of deprivation, no War of the Worlds between your inner characters.
You don't get there overnight. I certainly didn't. But it really does come down to making smarter food choices and the only possible way you can sustain that over time is if there really isn't a choice to make.
I am not saying this will make you "thin" as I don't know what that means for a given body type, but it will get you and keep you closer to an optimal weight for you, without all the Sturm and Drang.
2
This is a great article-- I really appreciate the mix of data/research and personal experience. I have struggled with weight as well and have found some lasting health, strength AND weightloss through joining a sports team in my 30s and learning ROLLER DERBY! It's been so amazing for body image issues and for having a different reason to motivate to exercise and be healthy besides just weight loss. Unlike some other sports, bigger women are assets to the team. Even at the elite level of the sport, all body shapes and sizes are represented. Could be a great follow up article!!
1
This was beautifully written and fabulously researched.
I'm one of four children. My oldest sister, as well as my mother, (and even my grandmother to my recollection) have always been heavy. My other two siblings and I are more or less effortlessly thin. My oldest sister first started dieting in high school and doing aerobics. We all played sports to varying degrees (me less so than the rest), but she started exercising with a purpose of changing her weight as a teenager. As adults I think we have all dabbled with the gym.
For all our mixed dedication to dieting and exercise and for all of my oldest sister's grueling work for more than two decades we're pretty much the same as always. Fluctuations have been minor and sporadic, and in the end, my oldest sister is still noticebly heavy and the rest and I are thin. It makes me think it can't be much more than the dumb luck of genetics. Everyone in my family eats basically the same in manner and portion and content.
I don't know whether or not my oldest sister "should" lose weight. That's for doctors to say. But I do think that we as a society could do better to inspect our biases about weights. I love my sister, and I think of her whenever I observe others talking about weight. Whether or not any one particular heavy person wants to change her body or to accept herself as she is does not mean that we as society should excuse the shaming and degradation we put heavy people through.
I'm one of four children. My oldest sister, as well as my mother, (and even my grandmother to my recollection) have always been heavy. My other two siblings and I are more or less effortlessly thin. My oldest sister first started dieting in high school and doing aerobics. We all played sports to varying degrees (me less so than the rest), but she started exercising with a purpose of changing her weight as a teenager. As adults I think we have all dabbled with the gym.
For all our mixed dedication to dieting and exercise and for all of my oldest sister's grueling work for more than two decades we're pretty much the same as always. Fluctuations have been minor and sporadic, and in the end, my oldest sister is still noticebly heavy and the rest and I are thin. It makes me think it can't be much more than the dumb luck of genetics. Everyone in my family eats basically the same in manner and portion and content.
I don't know whether or not my oldest sister "should" lose weight. That's for doctors to say. But I do think that we as a society could do better to inspect our biases about weights. I love my sister, and I think of her whenever I observe others talking about weight. Whether or not any one particular heavy person wants to change her body or to accept herself as she is does not mean that we as society should excuse the shaming and degradation we put heavy people through.
5
Thank you Taffy. I began dieting when I was 15. At 5'5", I weighed 120 lbs, which now I realize was normal and healthy for my age. I was not unusual as most of my classmates had already stepped on the diet treadmill; no matter the size or shape, everyone wanted to be slimmer. My best friend from those days has struggled with keeping her weight somewhere in the recommended range; at age 61 I'm relatively slim and fit.
However, we both still struggle with food -- and it's clear that her struggle is harder than mine. Anyone who thinks that eating less and exercising more is the answer did not carefully read this heartfelt piece. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, and that is the key to our understanding of one-another. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
However, we both still struggle with food -- and it's clear that her struggle is harder than mine. Anyone who thinks that eating less and exercising more is the answer did not carefully read this heartfelt piece. There is no one-size-fits-all answer, and that is the key to our understanding of one-another. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
4
This was so well written. ( I am happy Taffy is going to be a Times regular in September. ) I too struggle with my weight: I always have, and assume always will. Weight Watchers has been the only program that has helped take the stress away from my day to day eating. I lost 110 pounds on a former iteration of the plan, PointsPlus, but then gained back 70 pounds in a year. Now I am happily losing weight again on Weight Watchers current Smart Points plan (which is even more effective than PointsPlus--I've lost 20 pounds in 2 months) , but in the back of my mind I wonder whether I will maintain my loss when I reach my goal. Right now though, I feel the benefit of losing those 20 pounds in my back and knees, which no longer ache at the end of my 8-hour shift at a busy deli. That reward is enough to keep me going, because stopping would mean a return to back pain.
3
This piece is so moving in its honesty. I totally get what the writer means about not knowing how to eat. I believe we lack a eating culture in the US, and have always found I lose weight in Europe, where there is no low fat anything, but people eat at standardized hours, sit down for meals, don't snack, eat smaller portions. I'm always amazed at how much thinner in general people in Europe are, and how they more intuitively understand "how" to eat. It's not a mystery, it's just as natural a part of life as breathing. It's like their culture is their Weight Watchers. (Of course, that too is changing and in recent years I've seen my European friends starting to struggle with the same confusion that plagues Americans... )
1
I lost ten pounds in no time flat on the new WW program. It was amazing but just unsustainable for me. I had to prepare mountains of vegetables and fruits and carefully monitor bread and dairy and meat. With two young kids to care for and feed, it was necessary to create two meals at a time because they ate fewer types of veggies than me. I had to shop and plan twice a week.
I enjoyed the variety of foods and the support, but any disturbance in this routine made a huge impact. There aren't enough choices outside of preparing all your own food to stick to it and stay on top of kids and a job.
The other problem I had was depression. Looking at a plate of steamed spinach with a carefully measured cup of couscous maybe with a banana for dessert was utterly sad. I started skipping meals out of not wanting to face more deliberate chewing and digesting. The happiest WW users made games out of trying to manipulate the point system and I really could not get into that.
In the face of all that, the happy candy train beckons all the while and it is just too hard to keep up the motivation long term.
I enjoyed the variety of foods and the support, but any disturbance in this routine made a huge impact. There aren't enough choices outside of preparing all your own food to stick to it and stay on top of kids and a job.
The other problem I had was depression. Looking at a plate of steamed spinach with a carefully measured cup of couscous maybe with a banana for dessert was utterly sad. I started skipping meals out of not wanting to face more deliberate chewing and digesting. The happiest WW users made games out of trying to manipulate the point system and I really could not get into that.
In the face of all that, the happy candy train beckons all the while and it is just too hard to keep up the motivation long term.
2
I absolutely love this article. Having any sort of challenges with eating is one of the most difficult things imaginable. If you smoke or drink, those vices aren't necessary for survival, but eating is. We make so many food choice every day, it's overwhelming for someone like me. At one point, I had given up even trying to be healthy. My life philosophy became, "I would rather eat whatever I want and be happy in the moment, than be skinny and not able to eat whatever I want." I remember the first time a doctor told me I was "morbidly obese" nearly 10 years ago. I felt taken aback. I hadn't ever had the term thrown at me in such a blunt manner. I tried changing my eating (for a while). I exercised several times each week. I lost nine pounds in a single month, and stayed at that weight for several months, and felt like I had won the lottery. Then, I gained it all back, plus 50 additional pounds over several years. I'm in the middle of a lifestyle-altering journey again -- and that's what it is -- a journey. It's something only I can do for myself. I've given up my evening toast and chocolate milk. I've taken to only letting myself have a bagel once a week. I'll have a couple of bites of dessert and then stop. I often have salads for lunch. I try not to let myself feel deprived, but realize part of this journey involves me sometimes being hungry when I go to bed. Like Oprah, I know I will feel better as myself at less than 200 lbs. That is the current goal, taking it day by day.
3
Reply to TJ Jones, and generally: advertising and the abundance of un nutritious, tasty foods have given people a huge sense of ENTITLEMENT about eating. I am thin. I like bagels. I do not expect to eat them because they are calorie dense and not nutritious. I may have a bagel once a year, if that. Doritos? I love them. Like most people, I find them impossible to resist. I NEVER buy them. Ever. Same with potato chips cookies, cake and ice cream. They do not enter my house. Dessert? Huh? Who eats dessert? I rarely eat out or order out. I follow John McDougal's free online nutrition advice. I read Dr. Greger's free, online scientific nutrition study postings and bought his book How Not to Die. It is full of science-based eating recommendations. Educate yourself. I now love and enjoy fruits, vegetables, legumes and other healthy foods and do not feel deprived. IMHO everyone can, but i believe it requires abandoning the heavily advertised notion that you deserve or need to eat unhealthy "food" in large quantities.
2
What a wonderful, truthful article by a very insightful, struggling woman who knows EVERY, and I mean EVERY nuance of being overweight. The one thing I have learned also, in my reading voraciously about being overweight is so much is genetic and not just metabolism, but brain chemistry too. My brother has always been skinny, never gained more than ten pounds his whole eighty two years. I also think stress is a critical component of how our body works...and that's as individual as blue or green eyes.
2
One thing I try, and often fail, to do is to not keep any food at home that I could eat between meals. When I get home from work and want to snack, it makes it so much easier not to eat if there is actually nothing to eat.
4
While well written and relatable, the message seems out-dated to me in light of more current research and practice in obesity medicine. As a provider of medically supervised weight loss, it is disappointing to me that the article does not discuss the relevance of metabolic or hormonal imbalance to treating obesity, (yes, treating!). It is not uncommon for me to diagnose prediabetes or diabetes in 7/10 new patients each week. Vitamin D deficiency is even more common as are HDL cholesterol levels that reflect a significant lack of exercise or inclusion of healthy fat in the diet. Also, while food quantity and "diets" are discussed, there is no mention of food quality, nutritional value or balance of nutrients. Low-fat, high added sugar content of processed and fast food and sedentary lifestyle are leaders in contributing to our obesity and diabetes epidemic. I believe this wake-up call to a sub-population of health conscious Americans may have hurt Weight Watchers, as their manufactured foods are highly processed. I am a WW Lifetime Member and had always believed in their approach. I appreciate and relate to Oprah as their spokesperson, though I have never regained the 65lbs I lost 30 years ago. Embracing better health and lifestyle fuels my dedication to help as many people as I can. Many don't realize that an evaluation for metabolic and hormonal imbalance, and gastrointestinal health can lead to a more science-based and customized approach to weight loss.
Thank you, Taffy! Many of the emotions you express I can relate to. I keep hearing the anti-fat shaming and the big is beautiful mantras and I can't buy into them. I love food, but I hate what it's doing to me. I'm saving this as a reminder that I'm not alone.
1
I love Weight Watchers! I have hypothyroid disease and when medication get off balance (either direction, thank you very much body) I gain weight very rapidly. I use Weight Watchers to get the gain off and maintain a healthy lifestyle. I know if I am on plan and not losing weight, my medication is off. IT is a tool to help me battle my disease.
The program works for me because I can eat regular food. I can continue to shop at my local coop and eat organic food. I can be smart about eating out. It keeps me accountable.
The program works for me because I can eat regular food. I can continue to shop at my local coop and eat organic food. I can be smart about eating out. It keeps me accountable.
Best article about being overweight I've ever read. From age 18, when I was a model and starving myself, to age 63 I am still food obsessed. Eating ice cream comforts me when I'm lonely or sad, celery does not. I know I'm ruining my health, but I just can't seem to stop. I quit drinking 34 years ago (alcohol was another source of comfort) I quit smoking 8 years ago (the hardest thing I've ever done). Food is my only source of comfort left, and I've been in therapy forever. Do I know I need other ways to cope? Yes, but the fear of giving up eating a horrible diet is overwhelming.
3
I am a 48 year old woman and have been adding a couple of pounds a year since my early forties. I went out and got larger stretch jeans, but this spring at a doctor's visit, I discovered I was a mere 8 pounds shy of what I weighed when I delivered my babies! While I have no intention of being as skinny as I was as a newly wed (unrealistic and probably would look haggard if achievable), something had to change.
Many things had been stressing me out (and still do). But I decided to stop giving myself a snack because I was stressed. I decided to drink alcohol only twice a week instead of two drinks a night. I decided not to eat after nine pm and preferably not after 8.
These are not things I consider "dieting," they are things that sensible people might consider regular parts of middle-aged life. Sustainable. I am not my teenage son who can have four large meals a day while weighing less than I do despite being a few inches taller. And you know what? One day he won't be able to do this either and he, too, will have to adjust his habits.
Habits, not diets.
Maybe the bigger issue is why looking at WW's meal advice once desired weight has been achieved should be considered 'dieting,' and not merely living?
The universe does not owe us cupcakes and Dr Peppers on a daily basis. What is satisfying that craving enabling you to ignore about the rest of your life?
What's the underlying stress that has you turn to eating to relieve it?
Many things had been stressing me out (and still do). But I decided to stop giving myself a snack because I was stressed. I decided to drink alcohol only twice a week instead of two drinks a night. I decided not to eat after nine pm and preferably not after 8.
These are not things I consider "dieting," they are things that sensible people might consider regular parts of middle-aged life. Sustainable. I am not my teenage son who can have four large meals a day while weighing less than I do despite being a few inches taller. And you know what? One day he won't be able to do this either and he, too, will have to adjust his habits.
Habits, not diets.
Maybe the bigger issue is why looking at WW's meal advice once desired weight has been achieved should be considered 'dieting,' and not merely living?
The universe does not owe us cupcakes and Dr Peppers on a daily basis. What is satisfying that craving enabling you to ignore about the rest of your life?
What's the underlying stress that has you turn to eating to relieve it?
1
I come from a fat family. i'm the thin one. I get a lot of snide comments about it, but the benefits of being thin are worth it. Familial alienation hurts, but meeting society's prescribed standards for female bodies has smoothed the way for me in many areas of my life. I'm often struck though, by how often people assume that this is a genetic gift, that I have somehow stayed the same weight since high school by magic. I work out regularly (the same workout schedule for twenty-plus years) and eat carefully. if I eat a treat, I stop when full and make up for it on succeeding days. Recently, a cousin lost 100 pounds through diet and exercise. She was shocked to learn that she would have to continue to diet and exercise to maintain the weight loss. She didn't, and she gained it all back. I felt bad for her, but I was shocked that she thought one year of effort would be enough for a lifetime of thinness. I recognize that microbiomes probably play a big role in metabolism and I'm sympathetic. But, I've also been to countless family gatherings where people overeat unappetizing food as some kind of entitlement exercise and then ridicule me for stopping when I'm full, or worse, abstaining. I save my treats for things I actually enjoy eating.
Great read. If you can't relate, then you and I are missing something significant in common. I sent this to the women in my life. This year, through a confluence of events, my wife, a daughter and I are trying to eat better and get some kind of regular exercise. Weighing food. Food diary on MyFitnessPal. The gym for my daughter. The bike for me. Being hangry together. We all agree that doing it together helps. And, turning 60 this month, I continue a lifelong stretch of having never gone to bed hungry, a circumstance for which I count myself very fortunate. I've reconciled myself to the idea that the cause-effect relationships woven into managing our minds and bodies are too complex to boil down to simple rules without - as Taffy has done beautifully - writing a book. I tend to agree with the idea that we should both neither settle for less nor beat ourselves up. Read things like this. Try different methods. See which seems best. Do the best you can, at that time. Keep going. One day at a time. Good luck to all!
2
Taffy, your article was wonderfully written and very poignant. I've been 10-30 lbs over my desired weight (BMI below overweight) for the last 15 years. This year I hit my highest weight ever, but finally found the key: play a continuous game with myself, scoring points for feeling hungry at key times, losing points for feeling full or snacking, and keeping the score every day. I had regarded hunger as a sensation to be avoided, as intensely as an opiate addict avoids withdrawal, and conversely the momentum of eating for the sake of eating was just too strong to resist. I realized that I had to get my brain's reward system to override the aversion of hunger, and again find the converse of delivering an aversive stimulus when eating despite my conscience telling me not too. A key for me was to be hungry when I went to bed. An important element was the image of the pain gauge that you see in a medical clinic exam room, with increasing numbers next to the increasingly anguished face. Day 1 was to go to bed hungry, and write down the level of hunger the next day (I scored 6 out of 10). That number, a physical representation of success, was a tremendous motivator. I wanted to add points each day, and didn't want to lose them over eating something that I didn't need. In 4 months, I racked up 167 points, enjoyed winning each one and did NOT want to let them go without good reason. I felt in control, the weight loss was incidental, and I'm below target BMI for 1 month.
2
What a wonderful piece. I resonate with so much.
Precision Nutrition is the best way to really address weight and fitness. Changed my life and I've done them all over the past 20 years.
There are two things here- the cultural and emotional/psychological piece of weight and weight loss and the actual diet changes required.
You can be at peace with yourself and also know you need to lose weight. Or You can hate yourself and be in a constant battle over wanting to be thin and failing. Get off that bandwagon. it doesn't work. Behavior and habit changes, coupled with real healthy food (whole foods, mostly plants, fewer animal products) and movement should produce weight loss. Weight loss is also uncomfortable. you have to be able to tolerate it. And there may be gut issues, yeast overgrowth, hormonal imbalances or an autoimmune problem lurking so it's important to look at one's whole health, not just weight. I never thought I had a dysfunctional relationship to food and eating, but turns out I do. So I have been working on changing it. And i have experimented with paleo and now plant-based eating and i feel better than I have in years and my weight is normal. It's a process. we are human being, not products to be perfected. (And don't get me started on the "healthy" guidelines of this country. It's awful and killing us.)
Precision Nutrition is the best way to really address weight and fitness. Changed my life and I've done them all over the past 20 years.
There are two things here- the cultural and emotional/psychological piece of weight and weight loss and the actual diet changes required.
You can be at peace with yourself and also know you need to lose weight. Or You can hate yourself and be in a constant battle over wanting to be thin and failing. Get off that bandwagon. it doesn't work. Behavior and habit changes, coupled with real healthy food (whole foods, mostly plants, fewer animal products) and movement should produce weight loss. Weight loss is also uncomfortable. you have to be able to tolerate it. And there may be gut issues, yeast overgrowth, hormonal imbalances or an autoimmune problem lurking so it's important to look at one's whole health, not just weight. I never thought I had a dysfunctional relationship to food and eating, but turns out I do. So I have been working on changing it. And i have experimented with paleo and now plant-based eating and i feel better than I have in years and my weight is normal. It's a process. we are human being, not products to be perfected. (And don't get me started on the "healthy" guidelines of this country. It's awful and killing us.)
2
I remember when I was a teenager and a friend and I decided to climb a local mountain, about 3k feet. We didn't even think of taking a snack or water. There were rivers where we could drink if thirsty.
I notice that when my grandchildren are out & about, there is concern that they have enough snacks & drinks to sustain them.
I notice that when my grandchildren are out & about, there is concern that they have enough snacks & drinks to sustain them.
3
Eating healthy (not dieting – an evil word) is only half the battle. How come exercise isn't discussed?
I understand this article is about the cultural attitude towards fatness, people's own attitudes about their weight, the business (in the corporate sense) of dieting, and Taffy's own experiences, but attitudes about exercise factors largely into these frustrations about weight as well and it's one worth examining. If not in this article, then a separate one.
What's disturbing about the relationship between weight loss and exercise, especially among most women, is that they seem to think cardio is the only solution. While cardio is excellent for burning fat, strengthening the heart, and one's overall health, strength training has an equally incredible impact on the body and weight because even the slightest muscle increase makes you stronger, healthier, and burns more fat. However, it is largely avoided because of the (completely incorrect) perception of "becoming bulky". I want to scream every time a woman has said she doesn't want to strength train because of concerns about getting big; this is impossible because we don't produce enough testosterone. It signals a lack of understanding and education about exercise and the potential for women to substantially increase their physical, mental, and emotional health simply by lifting even a few times a week is astonishing, and I wish this article could have addressed the misperception.
I understand this article is about the cultural attitude towards fatness, people's own attitudes about their weight, the business (in the corporate sense) of dieting, and Taffy's own experiences, but attitudes about exercise factors largely into these frustrations about weight as well and it's one worth examining. If not in this article, then a separate one.
What's disturbing about the relationship between weight loss and exercise, especially among most women, is that they seem to think cardio is the only solution. While cardio is excellent for burning fat, strengthening the heart, and one's overall health, strength training has an equally incredible impact on the body and weight because even the slightest muscle increase makes you stronger, healthier, and burns more fat. However, it is largely avoided because of the (completely incorrect) perception of "becoming bulky". I want to scream every time a woman has said she doesn't want to strength train because of concerns about getting big; this is impossible because we don't produce enough testosterone. It signals a lack of understanding and education about exercise and the potential for women to substantially increase their physical, mental, and emotional health simply by lifting even a few times a week is astonishing, and I wish this article could have addressed the misperception.
1
Society is slowly learning to accept their bodies and how perfectly built they are for us. This article title caught my eye because you don't hear about people really dieting anymore. Of course, we all have those New Year's resolutions that we rarely follow through with but this past few years, we are finally learning to accept our different sizes. I love seeing those posts of women who are confident no matter what.
The members and former members are right about women not wanting to hear about dieting or weight loss anymore. Women of all ages wanna be strong, healthy and fit. They don't wanna have to worry about appearance anymore. I really like this article because we were trapped in a fantasy land where everyone had to be a certain size, but now with the help of Weight Watchers and growing confidence, more women are becoming stronger mentally and physically.
The members and former members are right about women not wanting to hear about dieting or weight loss anymore. Women of all ages wanna be strong, healthy and fit. They don't wanna have to worry about appearance anymore. I really like this article because we were trapped in a fantasy land where everyone had to be a certain size, but now with the help of Weight Watchers and growing confidence, more women are becoming stronger mentally and physically.
After more than 25 years as an obesity specialist I am so weary about talking about weight that I can barely type this. And if I feel that way, imagine how someone who is living with the problem must feel. A few thoughts:
1. We never were obese, so we can conclude that something has gone wrong in our environment. We've done a bad job of figuring this out. We continue to lay the blame at the feet of the overweight: too much eating, too little exercise. Not true.
2. We don't spend enough time being outraged at the addictive nature of our food supply and at those who produce those foods.
3. We need to stop the incessant focus on weight loss (caused by a low level of starvation which triggers the body's ancient program that kept us alive during famine). It's all about weight maintenance. That's where drug research should be done. That's what programs should focus on. That's what we should write about.
4. The best way I know of to keep weight off is to stick as closely as possible to a primal diet. Many of us in this business believe that insulin---released by starches and sugars---is the culprit in the obesity epidemic and that excessive production is a condition that is triggered by eating the modern western diet.
5. Simply accept yourself? Not so easy when obesity is one piece of a syndrome that includes not only diabetes, hypertension and cholesterol, but increased cancer risk as well. As Taffy demonstrates so eloquently, nothing about this problem is simple.
1. We never were obese, so we can conclude that something has gone wrong in our environment. We've done a bad job of figuring this out. We continue to lay the blame at the feet of the overweight: too much eating, too little exercise. Not true.
2. We don't spend enough time being outraged at the addictive nature of our food supply and at those who produce those foods.
3. We need to stop the incessant focus on weight loss (caused by a low level of starvation which triggers the body's ancient program that kept us alive during famine). It's all about weight maintenance. That's where drug research should be done. That's what programs should focus on. That's what we should write about.
4. The best way I know of to keep weight off is to stick as closely as possible to a primal diet. Many of us in this business believe that insulin---released by starches and sugars---is the culprit in the obesity epidemic and that excessive production is a condition that is triggered by eating the modern western diet.
5. Simply accept yourself? Not so easy when obesity is one piece of a syndrome that includes not only diabetes, hypertension and cholesterol, but increased cancer risk as well. As Taffy demonstrates so eloquently, nothing about this problem is simple.
5
I was an overweight child and have worried about my weight since I was 9. My lifelong diet plan has been exercise. This article talks about diets that control food, but I agree with others the secret is exercise. The only magic to eat what I want (not overeat) and maintain an average weight is to vigorously exercise for 30 minutes at least 4-5 times a week. If you exercise often enough, your body will actually look forward to it. Oh yeah, and it hurts too. Americans keep looking for no pain all gain, and it's not out there. Follow Michael Pollan's three rules on food and maintain an exercise program that causes you to grimace and sweat and pushes your heart rate. You should feel pain, that's your body making stronger muscles. Train your mind to enjoy it.
The other day my husband and I walked by a (still open for business!) Jenny Craig office and did a double-take. A conversation ensued, touching on a lot of what Taffy discusses here. Interesting piece, thank you!
When a kid/teenager, as I grew more serious about competitive athletics, desire for junk food sort of fell away on its own. It didn't take long to confirm that eating healthier literally feels better, even when my metabolism is an absolute furnace (some folks can imbibe anything and feel the same, I'm not so lucky). I think there is a slight tendency toward obesity in my family, but my parents and aunts/uncles were all raised with a love of the outdoors and activity. In recent years I've been shocked and saddened to see my home state of NH owning some of the highest obesity rates in the US.
Now that I'm 30, it takes longer and much more effort to return to my ideal range of fitness. Likewise, "skinny" or thinner people are not all carefree. I enjoy the hard work as much as I enjoy the payoff: running is my therapy, meditation and playtime all in one; being able to eat a lot and enjoy a few drinks per week is great, as is accepting and loving my body and the lifestyle that supports it. Because of genetics I get muscley easily, unless I starve to atrophy I'll probably never have thighs that proportionally fit your average pair of slim-cut trousers. But I'll take it if it means I can kick down a door in some wide legs with stretch (platform heels optional).
When a kid/teenager, as I grew more serious about competitive athletics, desire for junk food sort of fell away on its own. It didn't take long to confirm that eating healthier literally feels better, even when my metabolism is an absolute furnace (some folks can imbibe anything and feel the same, I'm not so lucky). I think there is a slight tendency toward obesity in my family, but my parents and aunts/uncles were all raised with a love of the outdoors and activity. In recent years I've been shocked and saddened to see my home state of NH owning some of the highest obesity rates in the US.
Now that I'm 30, it takes longer and much more effort to return to my ideal range of fitness. Likewise, "skinny" or thinner people are not all carefree. I enjoy the hard work as much as I enjoy the payoff: running is my therapy, meditation and playtime all in one; being able to eat a lot and enjoy a few drinks per week is great, as is accepting and loving my body and the lifestyle that supports it. Because of genetics I get muscley easily, unless I starve to atrophy I'll probably never have thighs that proportionally fit your average pair of slim-cut trousers. But I'll take it if it means I can kick down a door in some wide legs with stretch (platform heels optional).
How about you just be healthy. Skinny in family is what doc would call overweight , I can't be skinny or thin because it doesn't exist in my family . I can only healthy . I try to eat right and move regularly . I'm 50 and 5:6 ft and 195lb. I'm in my healthiest ever and that's all count in my opinion . Doctor tells me to lose weight but it's not happening , meaning this is my body can be.
Three years ago instead of following a diet, I decided to be aware of sugar content and at least look at carbs/calories on packages.
Each day in my notes on a computer, I write my weight and what I had for each meal, including snacks. Finally, I list my exercise on a daily basis.
I went from 208lbs(August 2014) to 178lbs today. It was relatively easy and at times allowed me to pick up some lb's on splurging for meals I crave but also being able to look at what I did and ate when trying to lose a little weight. In the past year, I've never gone above 185 lbs.
Who needs to 'diet'? Awareness and accountability can drop weight and keep it off.
Each day in my notes on a computer, I write my weight and what I had for each meal, including snacks. Finally, I list my exercise on a daily basis.
I went from 208lbs(August 2014) to 178lbs today. It was relatively easy and at times allowed me to pick up some lb's on splurging for meals I crave but also being able to look at what I did and ate when trying to lose a little weight. In the past year, I've never gone above 185 lbs.
Who needs to 'diet'? Awareness and accountability can drop weight and keep it off.
2
You are wonderful. Thanks for this-I can relate to it on every level. Bookmarking it to read again (and again).
1
Fabulous article. I've recently lost just over 10% of my body weight, on my way to a goal of 20%. One pound a week, plodding along, with ups and downs but the trend line in the direction I need it to go. Everyone asks me how I've done it and my answer is, no kidding, "an app." I found an app for my smart phone that has taught me more about what I eat in a day than anything in my entire fat life. And my entire fat life has been ongoing for more than 60 years. Taffy, my knees were killing me and they don't hurt any more. Don't give up on yourself and the belief that you can be more comfortable in movement; that you can in fact protect your good health; that you can be pleased with what you see in the mirror most days. I just got back in (and out of) a kayak for the first time in 15 years. Yesssss!
2
This is a wonderfully written article about a very complex issue.
We are now in a food minefield. Everywhere you turn there is more food to eat in more varieties and it's up to you to resist this pressure and that makes the task even harder.
There is no magic formula. Everyone has to find what works best for
them. There are several things that WW got right and that is whatever makes
you lose the weight, you must keep up with it. You can’t go off it.
WW makes you aware and mindful of what you are eating and provides the camaraderie and emotional support that we all need. They don't tell you that you can't eat certain foods. They focus on awareness and portion control. That's probably why they are the number one program still out there.
What I would like to see as a follow-up to this article is one on people
who lost weight and kept it off. What worked for them? How did
They do it and what makes them keep it off?
We are now in a food minefield. Everywhere you turn there is more food to eat in more varieties and it's up to you to resist this pressure and that makes the task even harder.
There is no magic formula. Everyone has to find what works best for
them. There are several things that WW got right and that is whatever makes
you lose the weight, you must keep up with it. You can’t go off it.
WW makes you aware and mindful of what you are eating and provides the camaraderie and emotional support that we all need. They don't tell you that you can't eat certain foods. They focus on awareness and portion control. That's probably why they are the number one program still out there.
What I would like to see as a follow-up to this article is one on people
who lost weight and kept it off. What worked for them? How did
They do it and what makes them keep it off?
Part of our collective problem (medical professionals and other "experts" included) is that we look at metrics like BMI and blood lab values as goals in themselves vs natural outcomes of competent homeostasis. We seek "hacks" to achieve target values, short-circuiting the natural processes for physiological balance. We try restrictive, unbalanced diets, various manufactured products, unsound exercise regimens, etc. Yet we remain overfed, undernourished, overmedicated and under-exercised. We would do well to acknowledge that there is a minimum set of homeostatic variables and the important interrelationships between them that we should consider in weight management and other pillars of wellness: diet (as a noun, not a verb), exercise, the gut microbiome and epigentics. Each has a profound effect on the others. Ignoring the system in favor of a clever hack isn't likely to yield good or consistent results. An abundance and variety of whole plant foods (even if accompanied by some animal protein), avoidance of manufactured food products and their engineered ingredients that have largely unknown effects on gut inhabitants and gene expression, and a mix of strength and endurance exercise is a good head-start toward physiological normalcy, regardless of our age, gender or body type.
1
Thank you, Taffy, for this article. I am 68 years old and have been on and off the diet merry-go-round for 60 of those 68 years - my mother put me on my first diet when I was 8 years old. Some diets worked for me; most didn't, including Weight Watchers. WW had way too much emphasis on food and recipes for my taste (no pun intended). There's no magic bullet, and yet I'm about to embark on another eating plan...left to my own devices, I'll binge my way back up to 240 pounds (what I weighed 7 years ago) - and I'm five foot one. I need structure. I don't resent being on a strict eating plan...I'm looking forward to it. It frees me from binges. It will not be easy, but it will be simple. Not easy to do, maybe, but simple to follow. So what if it's hard? I'm choosing my hard. Being 240 pounds is hard. Feeling shame and guilt over what I ate is hard. By comparison, following a food plan is not so hard. I'm about to start, and I'm looking forward to it. Good luck to you, Taffy.
2
This is a very honest and articulate article, and I found it quite sobering to read. Personally, I've been fat, and I've been thin, and for me, thin is definitely better (I'm thin now, happily.) What struck me most about this article, though, is a recurring false dichotomy about the idea of either being on a diet, or not being on a diet. The thing is, whatever you're eating, whether you even think about it out not - THAT'S your diet.
The goal (or dream, perhaps) of a fat person losing weight through diet modification and then going off the "diet" and being able to eat whatever they like, whenever they like, in whatever quantity, is almost certainly delusion. When you lose weight, it is on response to a change in behavior. Another change in behavior once that weight is lost will result in another change in weight.
In short, find the diet and lifestyle that works for you, and accept that that's more or less the way it's going to be forever. Stop comparing yourself to those naturally thin people who (seemingly) never have to give their diet a second thought. And realise that you are in control after all, and that puts you ahead of the game. :-)
The goal (or dream, perhaps) of a fat person losing weight through diet modification and then going off the "diet" and being able to eat whatever they like, whenever they like, in whatever quantity, is almost certainly delusion. When you lose weight, it is on response to a change in behavior. Another change in behavior once that weight is lost will result in another change in weight.
In short, find the diet and lifestyle that works for you, and accept that that's more or less the way it's going to be forever. Stop comparing yourself to those naturally thin people who (seemingly) never have to give their diet a second thought. And realise that you are in control after all, and that puts you ahead of the game. :-)
Its rare to read an article as vulnerable as this one. I've been very thin, average and overweight. In all of those stages I've obsessed over the same exact body parts. My legs are too muscular, my arms too thin, my hips too small, the boobs too big. No matter my size, can still find fault with my body. Imagine most women & men feel the same. No diet, no gym had been able to change that mentality unfortunately. Hopeful aging helps with that insecurity because the older I get the more comfortable I am with myself in all aspects...... but still even then there is always that lingering insecurity. Reading other stories & struggles helps as well. Thank you for this article and opening up to us as an audience.
1
When I'm focused on a problem and it seems so huge, I then think about how that problem ranks with other problems that would make me forget about this problem in a New York minute, such as a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer or the death of a child. Perspective is the cure for most of our concerns. It's just hard to have perspective, to realize how truly lucky we are to have this problem, instead of that problem.
2
Thank you for this article. I found it really interesting as a past and current WW member. One of the best articles I've read for ages!
1
Dear Taffy,
I loved your article and as a fellow 41 year old who has accomplishments and a full life full of people that love me, I can not express to you how much of your experience I can relate to as if it were my own. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability as it is a lifetime journey of daily struggle and difficulty and pain and frustration. I am sorry you live it too. I hope you had a great day today and know that you touched someone and made the struggle a little less lonely.
I loved your article and as a fellow 41 year old who has accomplishments and a full life full of people that love me, I can not express to you how much of your experience I can relate to as if it were my own. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability as it is a lifetime journey of daily struggle and difficulty and pain and frustration. I am sorry you live it too. I hope you had a great day today and know that you touched someone and made the struggle a little less lonely.
As a physician who has regularly performed c-sections on women weighing over 400 pounds, usually literally elbow deep in adipose tissue, I am disgusted with the thought that obesity not be considered a problem. the increase in morbidity and mortality are real. isn't it worth it to be alive with your kids?? does this pro-obesity movement have a bmi that they consider too high? Like when patients can't walk?
"And there were also questions about dieting’s long-term effects on the body. "
Why are we calling this dieting? If people ate more whole foods instead of processed foods it is not dieting; it is a food choice. If you start eating more sensibly the weight will most likely follow; however, more importantly, for those who suffer from the chronic conditions of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and numerous others, all of these will improve. There is a lot of data to substantiate this.
Why are we calling this dieting? If people ate more whole foods instead of processed foods it is not dieting; it is a food choice. If you start eating more sensibly the weight will most likely follow; however, more importantly, for those who suffer from the chronic conditions of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and numerous others, all of these will improve. There is a lot of data to substantiate this.
Healthy eating and fitness are laudable goals, but I wonder how many people will successfully sustain that lifestyle? The tolerance of all body shapes has made obesity acceptable, and while fat shaming is cruel, it is equally detrimental to pretend that being seriously overweight is healthy. An extra ten pounds is one thing, but I increasingly see young people who are carrying an extra forty or fifty pounds. Call it "wellness" rather than "dieting" if that makes weight loss more palatable, but let's stop pretending that the American obesity epidemic is healthy or normal.
1
I wondered why no mention of the 5:2 diet, since it so easily addresses the shortcomings of Weight Watchers. A person needs to be reasonably healthy to use it. A doctor named Michael Mosely presented a documentary on PBS a couple years ago. Nobody makes any money from these techniques, but the process of losing weight and learning to feel full could not go more smoothly.
Taffy, you don't need me to tell you this, but I feel the need to say it: you are a thoughtful, skilled writer with an amazing ability to connect with everyday people. I am not skinny (160 lbs at 5'3" with little sign that I could be smaller as I am already a "healthy"/balanced eater and quite physically active)...and I couldn't stop reading your compelling story and found so much to relate to for myself, my sister, my daughter and my friends. This struggle--psychological, cultural and physical--is a defining issue for SO MANY women I know. With my body type (short and stocky), age (51) and current weight, I have the luxury of focusing on my "fitness, flexibility and strength" (I do value and relate to this as long as my waistbands continue to fit) but I also know many people MUCH smaller than me who seem obsessed with every pound. Here's the thing: if I am lucky, I will live to 72 years of age...21 more years. That's not long, but probably realistic. While I plan to continue doing activities that help me feel good in those remaining years, I refuse to hand over my sense of well-being to something so meaningless as numbers on a scale...or the imagined judgements of my acquaintances. The quality of my life will be measured by far more important indicators, determined BY ME...not magazine covers or corporations trying to tell me that my self-worth on a daily basis should be tied to a scale. What a waste of precious moments.
2
What a brilliantly and beautifully written piece! Thank you for such an engaging fusion of critical thinking, sociological & historical awareness, artful & witty word smithing, and personal honesty. You raise such challenging questions, and spare us the delusion of easy, unambiguous, unambivalent answers. Congrats & best wishes on your new role on The NY Times staff-- it will be an enriching pleasure to read more from you on a regular basis!
While both nutrition and exercise are critical to weight loss and health, one of the main drivers of obesity in this country is "emotional eating." Or 'emotional over-eating.' It becomes a brain-driven response.... not stomach driven, which is why so many tools of dieting don't work. And it works a lot like other addictions. People overeat for the same reasons that they smoke, drink, use recreational drugs or take pills. Science will need to spend more time on the brain aspects of this before we will see any new break-throughs. In the meantime, I agree that 'self-acceptance' is critical- but it doesn't mean accepting an unhealthy state. We may be going too far the other way. If a patient has diabetes, the doctor doesn't ignore it, and obesity is a medical issue. Yes, it's very possible to be fit and healthy with an extra 15 pounds- not likely if it's an extra 80. And each year, the impacts add up.
I started gaining at age 40 and, convinced I was generally 'healthy,' didn't take it seriously. I weighed 115# in college; 130# at age 35, even after 2 births. I've now passed 200#, more than my previous high- all on a petite, 5' 2" frame. I'm on blood pressure meds; my llab numbers are in 'pre-diabetic' territory and I have serious arthritis. I exercise regularly, but am frequently short of breath. I'm 63, and facing up to the reality of old age at this weight. It is already limiting my life... so I'm trying, once again, to get control. I wish us all luck.
I started gaining at age 40 and, convinced I was generally 'healthy,' didn't take it seriously. I weighed 115# in college; 130# at age 35, even after 2 births. I've now passed 200#, more than my previous high- all on a petite, 5' 2" frame. I'm on blood pressure meds; my llab numbers are in 'pre-diabetic' territory and I have serious arthritis. I exercise regularly, but am frequently short of breath. I'm 63, and facing up to the reality of old age at this weight. It is already limiting my life... so I'm trying, once again, to get control. I wish us all luck.
1
I started WW a month ago, and I have lost 5% of body weight already. In particular, going to NYC and walking all over the place made a big difference one week. Exercise plays a part. I find the program very realistic and yes, I enjoyed my cannoli in Little Italy and those amazing bagels and NJ pizza. I don't view Oprah videos-- I just need to learn to say "no" more often. I would rather have this be a lifelong program than be strapped to lifelong meds for diabetes. And being able to zipper and snap things feels a lot better than accepting rolls around the middle!
This is poignant and beautiful writing. I really look forward to more from the author.
I had to have some operations that saved my life. My body changed a lot after that. I too struggle with body image.
I had to have some operations that saved my life. My body changed a lot after that. I too struggle with body image.
1
"I was celebrating my 25th anniversary of my first diet, at age 15, which I found in an issue of Shape magazine. I was 5-foot-3 and weighed 110 pounds." was the saddest line in this excellent article. We really need to make sure that adolescents have a better understanding of healthy weight, nutrition, and appealing exercise.
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My understanding of healthy weight came from my mother, who told me " You can never be too rich or too thin", "Fat People can't have class," when I was far younger than 15. I was so young such that I did not know what the word "class" meant, but I got the message, loud and clear.
I put myself on my first diet when I was 9,after my mother told me that I looked like a butterball. Photos of me at age 9 are that of a normal weight child, but I imagine that my mother was looking for a skeletal child. She did get a skeletal child when I became anorexic, but even that wasn't good enough for her.
Parents are not going to be able to relay that which you suggest, if the parents have issues with their own bodies and weights. Parents are projecting their own body self-hatred onto their children.
I know numerous individuals who struggle with eating disorders which are the result of their parents' issues with food and body image.
The problem does not lie with the children. It lies with the weight and body obsessed adults.
I put myself on my first diet when I was 9,after my mother told me that I looked like a butterball. Photos of me at age 9 are that of a normal weight child, but I imagine that my mother was looking for a skeletal child. She did get a skeletal child when I became anorexic, but even that wasn't good enough for her.
Parents are not going to be able to relay that which you suggest, if the parents have issues with their own bodies and weights. Parents are projecting their own body self-hatred onto their children.
I know numerous individuals who struggle with eating disorders which are the result of their parents' issues with food and body image.
The problem does not lie with the children. It lies with the weight and body obsessed adults.
2
Thank you for your honesty, Taffy. As humans I think we are all seeking something more. We all want to be better, and to be different. Some days we love ourselves. Some days we don't. This Feature went way beyond weight for me, it spoke about the common constant striving of humanity and about shared desires and secrets....of our anxieties, our struggles, our sadness, and our love and hopes.
I hope that you fill yourself with happiness and health, with good experiences, good food and good people. Thank you for this piece.
I hope that you fill yourself with happiness and health, with good experiences, good food and good people. Thank you for this piece.
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Wow, what a well written article. Taffy, you are awesome. Such a good writer and you got to the heart of an issue so many of us struggle with on a daily basis. Bravo girl!
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It's both diet and exercise. If you eat a lot of junk and don't exercise enough you'll put on weight. But what no one ever tells us is that we should listen to our bodies and stop eating once we're full. We don't hear that as children and as adults we often just eat what's in front of us without tasting it. What we're also not told is that once we're past our teen years we will fill out. And we're not told that every person is not meant to be skinny or shaped just right. But we can help ourselves if we exercise, avoid a lot of candy and junk food, cook our own meals, and substitute fruit for sweets and don't forbid ourselves or our children the occasional cookie or cake.
The best thing we could do for ourselves is to throw our scales, stop eating fast food, stop using salt all the time, and take time to sit down and enjoy our meals.
The best thing we could do for ourselves is to throw our scales, stop eating fast food, stop using salt all the time, and take time to sit down and enjoy our meals.
45
hen3ry, missing entirely from your comment is any recognition of the fact that illness plays a part in how a body processes nutrients, and ultimately in its outward appearance. We do not routinely check thyroids, even though it is a cheap test to run. We do not monitor estrogen levels, or teach people to have them checked as regularly as they check their cholesterol and BP. We do not invest much in endocrine research, either. The "diet/exercise" refrain is blind to the reality that uterine fibroids are poorly understood. The first symptom is often a painful period in a girl aged 11 -- yet 99.99% of all doctors, male & female, tell the child to "power through, get used to it, take a Motrin, it will go away eventually." Pretty pictures have been used for ages to tell people that they "don't measure up" & should count themselves lucky to have any friends at all. Meanwhile, medical understanding of how the body responds to stress, why some people are born with a poor vascular system, what auto-immune conditions are, why some self-harm, the role of additives in the food supply & what part is played by heredity, suffers from an abundance of bias. That fat woman may not be at all diabetic; she may even have malnutrition from under-eating. She may have an inflamed uterus that is the size of a melon rather than a pear. Does she even know? Can she be treated at all? Broaden the inputs.
2
hen3ry: Taffy covered this topic in the section of the article on "intuitive eating". The paragraph is after the photo of Oprah in 1988 and starts "I went to an intuitive-eating class"
1
Only at the Times comments do people read a welll reasoned but .ostly vacuous piece and decide "In 1500 words or less I can tell the world the *right* answer" I am soooo smart
1
Taffy, I love you. This is the best article on women and weight I've read in 57 years. GB
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I´m glad Taffy Brodesser-Akner will be a regular features writer and look forward to more of her articles. This was brilliantly written.
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I just came back from Italy where I saw a lot of pleasantly plump people, some beautifully slim ones, and none who was grossly obese. Now I am in the Atlanta airport where I am greeted by the sight of a woman so obese she is in a wheelchair. She is devouring a giant burger. The reason why so many Americans are fat is that they eat too much of a wrong kind of food. That's all there is to it. I am 50, mother of two kids, and I weigh less now than I did in high school. I don't diet. I just eat good food in enough quantities to satisfy my daily caloric expenditure. I exercise. And I don't feel bad about looking down at obese men and fat women swilling soda and subsisting on junk food. Poverty is no obstacle to good eating habits. Even when we did not have much money, I did not feed my children junk.
139
Our food enviroment affects our food choices. There is no doubt. We are shaped, literally, by large corporations. In Europe the junk food invasion has been a bit more restrained.
74
Wow! I'm not fat either but I try not to be such a harsh judge of those who have problems controlling their appetites. For many people, it's not as easy to lose or maintain a healthy weight in our food oriented, industrialized, inactive society.
Those of us who are able to maintain a healthy weight are the lucky ones. Perhaps we should work harder at trying to understand those who aren't as fortunate as we are. I know I am sometimes guilty of being a harsh judge, but I'm working at trying to be learn more about why some are not able to break the addictive habit of over eating. I think it's a lot more complicated than you realize.
Those of us who are able to maintain a healthy weight are the lucky ones. Perhaps we should work harder at trying to understand those who aren't as fortunate as we are. I know I am sometimes guilty of being a harsh judge, but I'm working at trying to be learn more about why some are not able to break the addictive habit of over eating. I think it's a lot more complicated than you realize.
6
Moreover, Europeans still move about much more by foot and bicycle rather than by car.
1
The complexities of weight loss were epitomized by an exercise instructor who would scream words of encouragement while exercising about visiting Burger King! Thank you for this well-written article. I look forward to reading more from Ms. Brodesser-Akner.
10
I am back in Weight Watchers and really dismayed by all the psychobabble blah blah that seems to have taken over. I thought the meetings were much more helpful when they were more specific about weight loss and specific things to encourage that. Now it's all about "feeling good about yourself," "making time for yourself," "being good to yourself," etc. plus all this stuff about meditation, stress etc. that is nothing new in NYC, though maybe in more suburban and rural areas where most of WW's members must be, at least that's my impression from how they tailor their materials (one weekly pamphlet suggested I go get a treatment at the mani/pedi stall at the mall to feel better about myself -- huh? Where is there a mani/pedi stall at a mall in Manhattan?). They act like their in-house psychologist invented this stuff, which I find hysterical. They give out recipes, but they are like low-calorie versions of garbage you should get out of the habit of eating anyway (gooey fatty stuff), and always in quantities for 4!! How about something for those of us cooking for one?
Well I am making the best of it. WW helps keep me accountable to myself by having to weigh in every week, but not much else these days.
Well I am making the best of it. WW helps keep me accountable to myself by having to weigh in every week, but not much else these days.
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Thank you! My first visit to WW was at the age of 10, over 50 years ago. I always found it helpful in terms of tracking what I ate and being "mindful" of what I was eating. I loved that I "had" to have 3 servings of dairy, 8 glasses of water and write all of it down, etc; I loved the structure of it. The loss of what I just described is the reason why that I just cancelled my membership.
Agreed, I preferred the practical advice shared under the old plans. I also miss the old WW points plan. I found it easier to manage without being perfect. If I ate a not so healthy food once in awhile under the old plan, I could do it in moderation without feeling like I failed. Under the new plan, any sweets are heavily penalized and psychologically I feel like the whole day is shot. The absence of the water tracker and fruit/veggies counter also bothers me, those features were so helpful and it would be nice if it was all on one app. I also don't feel like WW is a diet as I used it, it brilliantly steered me toward healthier eating and portion sizes by learning from my journal each day. It can also be used for maintenance (it all depends on the mindset of the individual member of course, for some it may trigger different emotions than it did for me). I'm not sure if the article mentioned My Fitness Pal? I do think the option of free of charge tools and online support communities now have also likely contributed to WW's membership.
Perhaps you should consider dropping WW. I had gone to meeting religiously. I thought the point system was very helpful and changed the way that I saw food ( I quit eating bagels). What turned me off was the weekly promotion of WW snack foods - with free samples that some members munched on during the meeting. I figured that I didn't need to shell out money to be anxious about weigh ins and could buy the junk food of my choosing.
3
So true and so amazingly written. Our bodies are US - not to hate, not to punish, but to love and cherish and honor. Thank you Taffy for your insight.
39
The fact that such a huge portion of the population is overweight or obese is a sign that there are systemic problems in our society that go way beyond whether individuals need to diet or implement lifestyle changes. A food supply overflowing with HFCS, soybean oil, and cheap refined carbs is one thing, and bad urban planning that assumes that everyone drives everywhere is another. There's a lot working against you in the health/weight game.
As for fat activism and HAES, I find those to be damaging movements - I've been around the block on the internet and have seen these folks at work. They've perverted the empowering and good ideas of body posivity and created this crab bucket of excuses and denial in which they harness their very identities to their fatness, ignore health problems, and tear down anyone who wants to get out and not be fat. There was a case in which a fat activist started experiencing weight-related health problems, lost weight to deal with them, and then received death threats because she lost weight and "betrayed" the HAES movement or something. It was bizarre and irksome to read about.
As for fat activism and HAES, I find those to be damaging movements - I've been around the block on the internet and have seen these folks at work. They've perverted the empowering and good ideas of body posivity and created this crab bucket of excuses and denial in which they harness their very identities to their fatness, ignore health problems, and tear down anyone who wants to get out and not be fat. There was a case in which a fat activist started experiencing weight-related health problems, lost weight to deal with them, and then received death threats because she lost weight and "betrayed" the HAES movement or something. It was bizarre and irksome to read about.
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It took me a year (2005-2006) to lose 100 lbs on Weight Watchers. I followed the plan religiously and walked at least three miles every single day. It took me 18 months to gain it all back, plus 10 lbs. WW is great if you are prepared to stay on it for the rest of your life. If you could be a WW like you are a Catholic or a Jew, or tall or short. If it were just in your DNA and who you were instead of what you do, it might be OK.
48
Reading this article and your comment, I'm struck thinking that a huge part of the problem in how we think about diets is that they have a goal, and thus an end. But diets--any worthwhile variation--are much more like AA. Unhealthy foods are extremely addictive, so of course any meaningful dietary change has to take the form of an indefinite and pleasurably sustainable lifestyle change, until eating well becomes just as habitual as eating badly was before.
1
I think you do more or less have to be prepared to be on it for the rest of your life, if only the maintenance version. I have heard people in WW -- both leaders and members -- say it's like being an alcoholic -- someithing you will have to struggle with daily for the rest of your life.
only 3 miles? Is that supposed to be a lot. I try to run 35 miles a week and walk about 14 miles IN ADDITION to the running. I work at home.
Whenever I hear about people who can't lose weight or keep it off, they cite very low exercise numbers. I am not trying to be a jerk. To lose weight and keep it off, most people have to exercise like a part-time job 10-15 hrs a week. I think many people have an unrealistic sense of how much exercise id required. My advice is to go watch some boxing movies, like 'Southpaw.' They should intense work out sequences (running, core training, weight training). That's kind of what one must do to stay lean and in great shape. There's no shortcut to it, and everybody you see with a six-pack works out a lot more than you think or than they admit. Nobody WANTS to admit that they slave away at the gym, unless they are in the NFL.
Whenever I hear about people who can't lose weight or keep it off, they cite very low exercise numbers. I am not trying to be a jerk. To lose weight and keep it off, most people have to exercise like a part-time job 10-15 hrs a week. I think many people have an unrealistic sense of how much exercise id required. My advice is to go watch some boxing movies, like 'Southpaw.' They should intense work out sequences (running, core training, weight training). That's kind of what one must do to stay lean and in great shape. There's no shortcut to it, and everybody you see with a six-pack works out a lot more than you think or than they admit. Nobody WANTS to admit that they slave away at the gym, unless they are in the NFL.
I know a gentleman who, at 53, can eat an entire pizza, does so regularly, and never gains an ounce. His daughter is obese at 9, having taken after her mother who apparently gains weight if she even looks at food. Why? Why do people who have no need to restrict their eating when young suddenly start packing on pounds in their 40's? What causes insulin resistance and how does it work? Why are some people spared? What is the role of stress and its associated hormones? What is the role of intestinal flora?
Something is happening that causes cells to store energy as fat rather than burning it as fuel. Promising research in epigenetics gives tantalizing clues, but much more basic science is needed before we will come close to being able to hit the reset button and restore proper energy metabolism.
Unfortunately for many of us, the solution will probably be a decade or two away. I will probably not live to see it, but I hope that someday weight gain is looked at as a medical problem like pneumonia or arthritis, not a moral failing or behavioral problem, with a proven biological cause and cure.
Something is happening that causes cells to store energy as fat rather than burning it as fuel. Promising research in epigenetics gives tantalizing clues, but much more basic science is needed before we will come close to being able to hit the reset button and restore proper energy metabolism.
Unfortunately for many of us, the solution will probably be a decade or two away. I will probably not live to see it, but I hope that someday weight gain is looked at as a medical problem like pneumonia or arthritis, not a moral failing or behavioral problem, with a proven biological cause and cure.
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Yes! Thank you for saying this! Considering that certain medications cause patients to gain huge amounts of weight, it ought to be obvious that obesity can have a physiological etiology other than simply excess food consumption.
Also, people react differently to hunger. Some individuals never seem to feel hungry, while others panic if food is not immediately to hand.
Finally, there are lots of happy, healthy overweight people in satisfying relationships and otherwise functioning just fine. Maybe it's time to ease up on the fat-shaming.
Also, people react differently to hunger. Some individuals never seem to feel hungry, while others panic if food is not immediately to hand.
Finally, there are lots of happy, healthy overweight people in satisfying relationships and otherwise functioning just fine. Maybe it's time to ease up on the fat-shaming.
We know some reasons. One is that our metabolisms decrease as we age. Brown fat cells burn extra energy and generate extra heat in children, but the body lets them die off in most people as we get older. Hormones that encourage muscle growth also die off as we age, and with less muscle mass relative to our size we burn fewer calories. And the calories required to grow out our bodies when young become excess calories when we're older.
Those are factors that impact everyone. I think the the next level, where we're all different, may hinge on our individual responses to sugars, which I imagine are regulated partly by our intestinal flora and partly by our brains.
I have been able to downshift my interest in sugar, and my consumption of sugar, by replacing it with fats and high fiber vegetables. But it's been an eight year process. I've lost 25% of my body weight, and gained back 2%, so it works for me. I don't follow a specific diet--I just look for and keep eating food combinations that get rid of my hunger with fewest calories. For me that means more nuts and butter, more oils and meats, and more high-fiber vegetables (greens and roots, mostly). Some whole grains but almost no processed grains. And any day I eat sweets I know I'm undoing that balance, so I know I'll have to go a while without any. It usually takes me a week now to reset my hunger levels down after I eat sweets.
I also respect social context. It's hard to decline food offered by others.
Those are factors that impact everyone. I think the the next level, where we're all different, may hinge on our individual responses to sugars, which I imagine are regulated partly by our intestinal flora and partly by our brains.
I have been able to downshift my interest in sugar, and my consumption of sugar, by replacing it with fats and high fiber vegetables. But it's been an eight year process. I've lost 25% of my body weight, and gained back 2%, so it works for me. I don't follow a specific diet--I just look for and keep eating food combinations that get rid of my hunger with fewest calories. For me that means more nuts and butter, more oils and meats, and more high-fiber vegetables (greens and roots, mostly). Some whole grains but almost no processed grains. And any day I eat sweets I know I'm undoing that balance, so I know I'll have to go a while without any. It usually takes me a week now to reset my hunger levels down after I eat sweets.
I also respect social context. It's hard to decline food offered by others.
is the pizza the only thing he eats all day? one pizza isn't that many calories. but people who eat lots of pizza tend to eat a lot of other stuff too. Also, odes this 53 yr old exercise?
If you ate a pizza a day, and that's all you ate, you probably wouldn't get fat. But you'd notice not having other nutrients. you might get scurvy.
my mom was 5' 3/103 lbs and she lived on hamburgers, ginger ale, and chocolate. But she ate tiny, bird-like amounts of each. She ate like a 95 yr old when she was 55. She never put anything healthy into her body ever, but she probably ate only 1000 calories a day.
If you ate a pizza a day, and that's all you ate, you probably wouldn't get fat. But you'd notice not having other nutrients. you might get scurvy.
my mom was 5' 3/103 lbs and she lived on hamburgers, ginger ale, and chocolate. But she ate tiny, bird-like amounts of each. She ate like a 95 yr old when she was 55. She never put anything healthy into her body ever, but she probably ate only 1000 calories a day.
Great essay --glad she will be joining NYT more regularly. Smart.
45
Anorexia is one end of the eating disorder spectrum and I believe that obesity, particularly morbid obesity is on the other end. People need to try to get to the bottom of the "why" with overeating. They need psychological help as well as nutritional. Past traumas, poor coping skills, depression all contribute. I don't think people are getting enough help in this area. They are coping with their emotions by pigging out, often without even completely realizing it.
I have been fat and I have been "average". I know it's a huge and difficult struggle, but also as a medical profession, "acceptance" of obesity is not a good idea. From almost every medical standpoint, it's unhealthy and even dangerous for the person. Surgery and anesthesia are much more difficult when the patient is obese. It's not the Dr's "fat shaming" you, it truly is dangerous.
Additionally, but not particular helpful and just an anecdote, a good friend went off anti depressants and then seemed to get the "willpower" back to diet, and within a short period of time, lost 30 lbs. Could the preponderance of people taking SSRI's today be affecting our ability to "just say no"?
I have been fat and I have been "average". I know it's a huge and difficult struggle, but also as a medical profession, "acceptance" of obesity is not a good idea. From almost every medical standpoint, it's unhealthy and even dangerous for the person. Surgery and anesthesia are much more difficult when the patient is obese. It's not the Dr's "fat shaming" you, it truly is dangerous.
Additionally, but not particular helpful and just an anecdote, a good friend went off anti depressants and then seemed to get the "willpower" back to diet, and within a short period of time, lost 30 lbs. Could the preponderance of people taking SSRI's today be affecting our ability to "just say no"?
27
SSRIs have weight gain as a common side effect. The patients you describe might not be gaining willpower--the SSRI may have done the job and stabilized them; in a less depressed/more in control state they may experience a virtuous cycle of losing weight and feeling physically better. That does not mean, however, that the SSRI was not helpful or is insidious in some way.
Of course SSRIs can "be affecting our ability to "just say no." They can also cause weight gain, even in the absence of overeating.
2
That is a very interesting thought about SSRIs, that they can lull us into convincing ourselves everything is okay.
Thank you for a brilliant article! It's serious with just enough humor to allow anyone who has every been concerned about weight (everyone) to find comfort. I am a lifetime Weight Watchers member and former leader. I can tell you for sure that no matter how fat or thin a person is, he or she has shared your difficulties at some point in life. Weight management is a constant balancing act, just like pretty much everything. That's why the standardized word for the Weight Watchers demographic is "Weight Watchers."
24
So i now look like the matronly portaraits of my great grandmother, and yet my once fat friend is sleek and strong. We can talk about how we were both affected by outside judgements of our bodies, I was judged an object of desire, she was judged unlovable. And in present time, I look back and feel I wasted too much of my life playing the muse instead of developing my own potential. She Is afraid to ever relax her strict regimen of diet and exercise, and even as beautiful as she is today, feels unloved. Owning your own body, sexuality, and potential is complicated and lifelong process. I wish that young women could escape from all this, yet I see my niece , in her 20's is under even more stress to be thin, to wear heavy make-up, to be a particular identity, and is judged in person and online, and I wonder will women ever escape not just fat shaming, but the whole tangled mess of internal and external perceptions.
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Sigh-for my whole life (I am now 73), I was never more than a thought or two from weight. What a waste of thinking.
1
I'm a skinny guy. A fit guy, even. I exercise between 8-12 hours a week. Lots of swimming and biking.
I'm here to tell all the overweight people out there that what I do with my body doesn't matter one bit. I don't judge your weight, and what I do may not work for you. Humans don't fit neatly into the silos we think we've made for ourselves. Statistics only describe populations, and trying to use those statistics to apply to yourself and hope for exact results is folly.
The microbiome is increasingly important when talking about weight. So is your genetics, how you respond to fat and carbs and exercise individually. Cutting calories and nothing else definitely works for some people; thermodynamics is a hard rule to beat. But on the other hand, cutting calories and nothing else isn't exactly a path to health, and it doesn't always seem to work.
Lose weight if you want to, do it for your own reasons, and do it your own way. The diets can't help you, all you can do is gather some general advice and then be a scientist about your own weight and health. Experiment, keep a log. And only do it if this is how you want to lead your life. Living on this planet isn't worth it if you're miserable, and if you think you'll be happier how you are, just do that.
If you want advice, there's no shortage of people that will offer it, solicited or not, but just do what makes you happy. There are enough sad people in the world already.
I'm here to tell all the overweight people out there that what I do with my body doesn't matter one bit. I don't judge your weight, and what I do may not work for you. Humans don't fit neatly into the silos we think we've made for ourselves. Statistics only describe populations, and trying to use those statistics to apply to yourself and hope for exact results is folly.
The microbiome is increasingly important when talking about weight. So is your genetics, how you respond to fat and carbs and exercise individually. Cutting calories and nothing else definitely works for some people; thermodynamics is a hard rule to beat. But on the other hand, cutting calories and nothing else isn't exactly a path to health, and it doesn't always seem to work.
Lose weight if you want to, do it for your own reasons, and do it your own way. The diets can't help you, all you can do is gather some general advice and then be a scientist about your own weight and health. Experiment, keep a log. And only do it if this is how you want to lead your life. Living on this planet isn't worth it if you're miserable, and if you think you'll be happier how you are, just do that.
If you want advice, there's no shortage of people that will offer it, solicited or not, but just do what makes you happy. There are enough sad people in the world already.
392
Will you move here and run for president?
56
More of your mind set are needed. How reasonable! Thank you.
1
I bike to commute, ride well over 50 or 60 miles regularly, kayak like a demon and I'm still large. People ask me why I'm not skinny with all that activity, and I point out that all of my closest relatives either weighed or peaked at well over 400 lbs. My brother took five years to drop about 250 lbs, my aunt dropped nearly 200. I may be technically obese (BMI isn't for individuals anyway - as a college athlete I had a BMI of 27 and a fat percentage of 17%), but I'm not catastrophically enormous like my father, mother, aunt, and brother were.
5
Beautiful article, Taffy. Funny, smart, moving and insightful. Thank you for this.
50
Obese.Overweight. Fat. Pejorative- joined-letters.Transmuted into words and concepts, whose dimensions, as graphics, we can change on paper, or other materials.Our changing them, downwards, or mass becoming more massive, upwards and sideways, on its own, as it seems,is denoted as being out of control. Another no, no, behavior! And whatever the evoked/provoked, derived, created and sustained stigma, exclusion-derision, marginalization and dehumanization, by self as well as others, the word =//= the PERSON. Neither you, nor me. Surely not the I, of whatever self-identity, or range of identities, and valenced labels, created by caring, uncaring as well as by cruel others.My pounds, kilos, etc.,in whatever shape, condition, tone-garbing a short to long form- is but a part of WHO I am. WHO I am not. WHO I may never BE come! A weighty daily challenge.And WHO I am, am not, never-to-BE, is associated with,not equal to, WHAT I do. Choose not to do. Can't do. For all sorts of reasons.Known. Unknown, now. Unknowable. Another weighty issue.And as I weigh in, on this somatic-semantic complexity, I don't understand why psyches, souls and spirits, all critical dimensions of an at-peace/ conflicted ME/I, in a WE-THEY, daily, violating world,remain weightless. In my awake-sleeping, coping, adapting and functioning.What does, can, will, my weight have to do with my choosing to weigh in, or not, as best as I can, to make a needed difference. Here. Now. On scales of menschlichkeit.Weighty words?
3
I'm not sure what is so difficult to understand about modern day obesity. For tens of thousands of years, humans day-to-day schedule was foraging for tubers, fruits, etc. and hunting for meat. This was an extremely active lifestyle.
Now the vast majority of Americans drive to go sit for 8 hours a day, then participate in leisure activities that are equally sedentary, all while having access to an essentially limitless amount of high calorie food. Throw some food industry marketing into the mix and there ya go.
Unfortunately for us all, the suburbs have sprawled, the roads paved, and essentially our entire physical environment has been remade in a way that prioritizes convenience and consumption. There is little hope there will be a meaningful and significant reduction in the overweight and obese until these physical environment factors are changed.
If you are overweight and looking to shed weight, the best piece of advice to give is to literally physically structure your life so that it is more convenient for you to take the harder options of biking or walking rather than driving. This may include moving to a different country, America and its cars are not a friendly place for fat people.
Now the vast majority of Americans drive to go sit for 8 hours a day, then participate in leisure activities that are equally sedentary, all while having access to an essentially limitless amount of high calorie food. Throw some food industry marketing into the mix and there ya go.
Unfortunately for us all, the suburbs have sprawled, the roads paved, and essentially our entire physical environment has been remade in a way that prioritizes convenience and consumption. There is little hope there will be a meaningful and significant reduction in the overweight and obese until these physical environment factors are changed.
If you are overweight and looking to shed weight, the best piece of advice to give is to literally physically structure your life so that it is more convenient for you to take the harder options of biking or walking rather than driving. This may include moving to a different country, America and its cars are not a friendly place for fat people.
61
That does not explain why some people who sit for 8 hours a day are thin and some who don't are fat. Even scientists are stumped by obesity, so I'm not sure why you think you've solved the problem. And there are fat people all over the globe, it's not just America (although I'm sure we are pretty high on the list percentage-wise).
64
TL,
I drive a manual with a clutch pedal and a (stick) shifter. When I pleasure drive for 3-4 hours, it feels like exercise. Granted, I don't sweat. Maybe we should go back to manual cars.
I drive a manual with a clutch pedal and a (stick) shifter. When I pleasure drive for 3-4 hours, it feels like exercise. Granted, I don't sweat. Maybe we should go back to manual cars.
3
You might add that many urban/suburban areas are designed only with car access in mind. Walking and biking is outright dangerous. Even though my Florida city builds more sidewalks, pedestrians and bicyclists are still being struck by cars on busy streets.
We need to redesign with foot traffic paths which are safer to travel.
We need to redesign with foot traffic paths which are safer to travel.
It's a bit surprising to not see mental and emotional health mentioned in this discussion - neither by the author nor by the experts cited. Aside from particular familial and cultural habits which can be better/worse and may set one up for a tendency to become overweight (portion size, amount of physical activity, ideas about what constitutes good or tasty food/nutrition), those are the main issues to be tackled in order to come to terms for life with food and one's body (and/or be able to make changes if one chooses to). How can one permanently lose weight or even just retain a stable weight if underlying anxiety or depression are not addressed, or experiences with emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse? For many of us who tackled eating disorders at some point in our lives that has been the absolutely missing piece to the puzzle.
45
Spot on! This article by a well-known freelancer is very disappointing. For years, people have been talking about eating disorders and the AMA recognizes obesity as a disease. Weight loss is so difficult because is not a simple as creating a caloric deficit. The body fights weight loss. The mind fights attempts to lose weight. The social pressures of eating healthy and making people feel guilty if they don't are cruel. BTW, healthy food is expensive, and some people just can't afford it.
10
I think the assumption that obese people have an underlying psychological pathology is faulty and even a little prejorative. The author describes herself as a compulsive eater suggesting she some awareness of her particular conditions. But compulsions aren't always caused by trauma or abuse. Many people with eating disoedered, an actual pathology, are not overweight at all.
The article is about the imperative to lose weight and the effectiveness of the prescribed methods for doing so
The article is about the imperative to lose weight and the effectiveness of the prescribed methods for doing so
An excellent and well-made point. It was a relief to read it and know that there are indeed others who understand that there are medical and psychological components involved in weight related issues.
I am 47. I love my body. I eat tons of food. But I run 34 miles a week and lift like an inmate three times a week. Also, I ski and race cars for sport. I don't eat white flour or refined sugar. I have 3-4 drink a week. Every so often, I have some good fried chicken from a restaurant down the street. I eat a lot of steak. I start every day with steel cut oatmeal. I have about 35 gms of protein with breakfast. I guess I eat 160 gms of protein a day. I never count calories.
If you're running 30+ miles a week (over 6mph) and super setting sets of under 10 reps, you'll be able to eat a lot of food. The fitter you get, the more your body will WANT to avoid bad food.
The main difference is that at 47, I need to run 30+ miles a week to have visible abs. When I was 27, I didn't have t run that much. I guess my metabolism has slowed. I can do it now, but it was easier twenty years ago.
If you're running 30+ miles a week (over 6mph) and super setting sets of under 10 reps, you'll be able to eat a lot of food. The fitter you get, the more your body will WANT to avoid bad food.
The main difference is that at 47, I need to run 30+ miles a week to have visible abs. When I was 27, I didn't have t run that much. I guess my metabolism has slowed. I can do it now, but it was easier twenty years ago.
11
This doesn't sound like an enviable set of circumstances . . . .
3
That's all well and good, but the woman in the article had arthritis and bad knees. My guess is that running 30 miles a week isn't an option for her, richguy.
5
Caroline, I love exercise. If i didn't work 65 hrs a week, I would spend 3 hours a day at the gym. I'd drive to the woods each morning for an 8 mile forest run. In the winter, I try to ski 50-70 days and I ski from 9AM to lift close. I love to drive as much as possible. If someone gave me 30 million tomorrow, I'd quit working and spend almost all my free time in motion.
Chiming in as one of the many who are destined not to be size Zeros in life. I have been very happy with the app 8fit- it supplies recipes for 3 meals/day and workout regimens on a daily basis, mostly whole foods, plant-based, never refined sugar. While I haven't lost a ton of weight, I've muscled up a lot and feel happier with the quality of my body and what I'm eating.
7
"Our bodies deserve our thoughts and our kindness, our acceptance and our striving. Our bodies are what carry our thoughts and our kindness and our acceptance and striving."
Your writing about the lack of a true mind-body distinction and the paradox of needing acceptance while desiring change (for good reasons) was so helpful to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this well-researched and also profoundly and usefully personal piece.
Your writing about the lack of a true mind-body distinction and the paradox of needing acceptance while desiring change (for good reasons) was so helpful to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this well-researched and also profoundly and usefully personal piece.
36
Beautiful article. I've struggled with my weight all my life. In my late 20s I lost over 100 lbs through WW (this was back in the '80s when it was a very conventional program); I've kept most of it off but it's begun creeping back since menopause. I battle with myself over this: should I just accept a slightly heftier body at age 51? I'm still healthy and fit with good numbers and a "respectable" size 12. Size 12 is a marker only because beyond size 12 lies Lane Bryant territory and it becomes more difficult to buy clothes.
I use what most people would find a bizarre combination of intermittent fasting, strength training, and a veganish paleo diet. I haven't gone back to WW in while, though not because I think it's a bad program.
I use what most people would find a bizarre combination of intermittent fasting, strength training, and a veganish paleo diet. I haven't gone back to WW in while, though not because I think it's a bad program.
15
Well it's changed from what it used to be. Don't want to discourage you, but is much more touchy feely and a lot less specific.
8
I'm mystified by the mythology that sizes 12, 14, and 16s don't exist beyond Lane Bryant or the plus size departments. Perhaps that's true if you are shopping only in boutiques, but in stores such as Lord & Taylor, Dillards, Nordstrom, etc., you do not need to go to the plus size department to find these sizes in profusion.
1
You are doing the right things. Intermittent fasting is good for the body. Pablo diet is also an excellent way.
What is not mentioned in this article is the fast food and all the super market food cooked up by the industry that is making us overweight and ill.
To stand to have a chance at not ballooning most of us will have to prepare our meals from scratch and not eat fast food and sugary junk.
What is not mentioned in this article is the fast food and all the super market food cooked up by the industry that is making us overweight and ill.
To stand to have a chance at not ballooning most of us will have to prepare our meals from scratch and not eat fast food and sugary junk.
I weighed 190 lbs on my 62" frame when I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes this year. As an RN, I knew I didn't want to go into the land of diabetes, and all the comorbid conditions that would put me at risk for. In addition to medication to control my glucose levels, I bike to work now, because I know that attending classes wastes my money (I end up finding excuses to skip). I bike to any appointments or events within 10 miles of my house, and make that a rule I stick to. I watch my calories with an app, but I don't diet (that is, I don't restrict what I eat, just how much of it eat in total calories). If I want to eat more, I exercise more. I set my goal weight to 150lbs or less, which is still obese for my height, but I thought a reasonable goal for a woman of my age. I think fit and fat is a logical and achievable thing. I am convinced that there is no 'one plan' to weight management, but something which much be individualized to each person's issues, emotions and interests. This is expensive and time consuming for health care practitioners to figure out, and I'm certain insurance companies would never reimburse for it (despite the cost savings of reducing obesity related complications). So we'll continue to throw millions at those magic weight loss pills, surgery, diet plans and whatever else we have in our diet industrial complex.
26
At 150 lb you would be overweight but not obese! As a matter of fact, at that weight your life expectancy would probably be higher than at the so called ideal weight if you are over age 40.
11
Find a health coach who has the time to listen to you, develop a one on one relationship, and together you can figure out what foods/nutrition work best for you, and is generally affordable.
Disclaimer, I AM a health coach, who has helped friends make transformative changes.
Disclaimer, I AM a health coach, who has helped friends make transformative changes.
True, per most BMI calculators, I would be solidly in the 'overweight' range at 150 lbs. And having a fat reserve does improve your life expectancy against disease and trauma - I worked ICU long enough to see that patients who had no meaningful fat reserves, young or old, didn't do well overall. So I am down 21lbs so far from my original weight - going slowly so my body has time to readjust it's BMR (hopefully). But I'm feeling that these last 20 lbs are going to be the hardest to lose.
"I fished cod like a Viking" Props to you, Taffy!
28
I found this piece incredibly moving and well-written. I grew up with weight issues, as everyone in my family continually despaired over their weight. there were major investments in diet doctors, "spas," vitamins, cleansing programs, diet books and the like. A thin child but chubby preteen, my own weight was overlooked since I had a heavier older sister who was the focus of my parents' obsessions. She had to do fat camp and Metrecal; I only sobbed quietly over my thighs.
Last year, inspired by my daughter's impending wedding, I started walking a half-hour in the morning, a half-hour at lunch, another after work, another after dinner. Low carb, caloric limit of 1200. I thought I could lose 40 lbs in 4 months; it took me 8. Things have changed for good. No more sugar, starch, beer and very little alcohol. I eat mainly fresh fruits and veggies now, sprouts, seeds, avocados and nuts. I have kept off 40 lbs for almost a year. "Diet" is I think a wrong concept because it's temporary. For permanent body changes, your lifestyle changes must be permanent.
The topic of weight control seems to be fraught with emotion for many people, as food is tied up with love, acceptance, self-esteem, etc. I feel the emotions do not help. Strip out the bathos and concentrate on the physics. Food is fuel. Just like your car doesn't burn any gasoline sitting in the driveway, your body doesn't burn fuel unless you move. Approach it like a science project and have fun!
Last year, inspired by my daughter's impending wedding, I started walking a half-hour in the morning, a half-hour at lunch, another after work, another after dinner. Low carb, caloric limit of 1200. I thought I could lose 40 lbs in 4 months; it took me 8. Things have changed for good. No more sugar, starch, beer and very little alcohol. I eat mainly fresh fruits and veggies now, sprouts, seeds, avocados and nuts. I have kept off 40 lbs for almost a year. "Diet" is I think a wrong concept because it's temporary. For permanent body changes, your lifestyle changes must be permanent.
The topic of weight control seems to be fraught with emotion for many people, as food is tied up with love, acceptance, self-esteem, etc. I feel the emotions do not help. Strip out the bathos and concentrate on the physics. Food is fuel. Just like your car doesn't burn any gasoline sitting in the driveway, your body doesn't burn fuel unless you move. Approach it like a science project and have fun!
37
I hope the other commenters who have been criticizing the willpower of fat people read your comment and really process it. They eat normally and are thin. You, a person with a propensity toward obesity yet still on the thin side of a fat family, have successfully managed to become a thin person by walking two hours a day and eating only fruits, vegetables and nuts. You didn't mention your sister today, but I'm guessing to be thin she would need to walk three hours a day and eat only vegetables. I hope the commenters denigrating fat people realize, that "life habit" simply isn't worth it to many people, even if it is somehow available to them.
2
A teenager who's 5-foot-3 and weighs 110 pounds who thinks she needs to start a punishing weight-loss diet is NOT a person with a "fat" problem, it is a person with anorexia nervosa -- a psychological condition characterized by a distorted self-perception and an irrational fear of weight gain.
Could obesity and anorexia be two sides of the same coin?
Could obesity and anorexia be two sides of the same coin?
30
Yes, I had the same reaction when I read that at 5'3" and 110 pounds the writer thought she had a weight problem, but she was only 15 at the time and had grown up in a culture where being rail thin was the ideal. Young girls are so impressionable and feel a tremendous pressure to be thin. Even today with all the positive body image messages in the media, we think those messages are lies, lip service from the fashion world which really doesn't value plus size people, particularly women. I think the now 41 year old Ms. Brodesser-Akner clearly recognizes that her 110 pound teenage self was a healthy weight. She uses that example to illustrate her life-long struggle with body image issues for herself and the culture in general. Great article. As someone who grew up in Union, NJ I'm curious to know more about how she chose to attend to Weight Watchers meetings in that town.
Yes. I didn't understand that reference either - that's a person with a psychological problem, not a person with a weight problem.
Absolutely they are. And what underlies both of them is self loathing. The anorexic is driven to literally disappear, the obese person disappears behind a mountain of fat. Deep inside, both have a nagging voice telling them "You don't deserve to be here, you are worthless." Both illnesses are flip sides of the same coin, but the response to them couldn't be more different. The anorexic is viewed as having a life-threatening illness by medical professionals and to a lesser extent, by society at large. The obese person is viewed as lazy, morally deficient, stupid, and devalued by society and the medical profession alike.
You can rationalize all you want but the fact remains that the only way to cut your weight is to reduce your caloric intake and do it permanently.
Face reality. That's it.
Face reality. That's it.
18
Regular activity is just as important.
7
Exercise!!!!!!!!! Diet's should be a fad. MOVE!!!
Get off your but America and stop reading enabling articles like this.
Medical fact - being overweight is not healthy by any measure - no matter how accepting you are of it.
Get off your but America and stop reading enabling articles like this.
Medical fact - being overweight is not healthy by any measure - no matter how accepting you are of it.
4
Not necessarily. What you should change is to eat wholesome food and stay away from any kind of junk food. And yes, move. Exercise is part of a healthy approach but you can't exercise yourself out of a bad diet.
Nice piece Ms. Brodesser-Akner. A lot of what we become is determined by life's lottery and you clearly hit the jackpot for cleverness. I gained excess fat as a pre-teen. I've seen the looks from others and met my own derisive gaze in the mirror. Fortunately, I've had modest success keeping the excess excess off for many of the intervening years and I've never been morbidly obese. In my case my excess fat is clearly linked to things like donuts and pulled pork sandwiches (cue inner Homer). And fortunately in my young adulthood some friends encouraged me to pick up exercise. Now that I'm aging the excess excess fat has returned. In compensation as I've gotten older I've yielded the belief that I am the master of my domain. Yes, I'll likely live a few months less and have more aches and pains, but life has often been delicious. I don't know fate awaits you, but this old goat wishes you a delicious one. Blessings.
18
I've been blessed with a genetic make-up that has always kept me slim despite the huge portions of food I'm capable of ingesting. My partner is the opposite. He has always been very conscientious of the food he eats because an extra calorie here and there translates to almost overnight weight gain. At his heaviest he was nearing 300 lbs, but now he’s at about 190 and hopes to get down to 175. His dramatic weigh loss has left him with stubborn, hanging skin around his belly which he hopes to get rid of with a male tummy tuck financed by next year’s tax return. Even a year ago I would have questioned his need to do this. Why can’t you just lose weight? Stop eating! But In the 2 years that I’ve been with him, I’ve been given access to a world I had never been aware of. The debilitating shame and self-doubt that comes from a body he’s not happy with has had very real effects on our relationship and intimacy. Immaturely, I’d offer support by just explaining what I’d do to keep thin, never truly understanding that weight gain has so many. Sure, there’s a genetic component to it, but we haven’t done enough to analyze the EMOTIONAL component to this. A fraught upbringing and undue stress all have very real effects on a person’s metabolism and weight gain. It is with this hard-learned knowledge and insights from people like you that I now look forward to accompanying my partner to all his cosmetic surgery consultations to help him become the most confident version of himself.
54
I want to believe that being fat is a metabolic condition that some people can't avoid. That any body can be a healthy body and so forth. And I do think that some people who seem sort of fat when wearing regular clothes are actually just very strong, very fit, very big humans. But still. If fat is something you really can't help, that really isn't due to your choices, then why are Americans so much fatter than Europeans? You can tell American tourists in Europe because of their bloated bodies. It's so obvious. Italians aren't fat. French aren't fat. Something is going on here besides just metabolic misfortune. Is it chemicals in our food? Too much access to crappy food? Bad habits, like eating between meals? Something gives, and I wish I knew what.
41
Exactly. And furthermore, Americans were much thinner in the early 20th century. There is clearly something genetic that predisposes some people to become overweight more than others, but there must be some switch that has been turned on to cause metabolic syndrome to occur. My guess is it's the fact that we've encouraged people to get most of their calories from carbs and to eat less fat, when really we should be doing the opposite.
14
You've probably named them: chemicals, herbicides, plastics, corn syrup, GMO-d soybean oil, GMO-d corn, bleached white flour products, white rice, etc. Our food has been cheapened and degraded. And let's not forget the growth hormones fed to cows and chickens annually.
Not only were people "much thinner in the early 20th century," they were much thinner in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Just look at any group photo from that era and you'll say to yourself "my goodness, people were much thinner then."
Humm? Back in the 40/50s I remember only a few kids in school that were fat and none were that played sports. Look at your schools today.
I'm in my 70s now, still maintain my high school weight, still exercise on a regular basis and always watch what I eat. A healthy, active life style with smart eating habits will, in most cases, keep one lean and trim.
I'm in my 70s now, still maintain my high school weight, still exercise on a regular basis and always watch what I eat. A healthy, active life style with smart eating habits will, in most cases, keep one lean and trim.
5
I concur with your lifestyle, since I live the same way. At 66 years old, I am slim, muscled and youthful because i work out hard, 4 times a week and watch my diet. It takes resolve, dedication and consistency, but being healthy and active is important to me and I intend to take this philosophy forward for the rest of my life.
@Taffy: you say that when you were 15 you went on your first diet, being 5ft 3in tall and 110 lbs. Please note that this gives you a BMI of 20 when normal is 18.5 to 25. So, you were on the low side of normal and yet for some strange reason thought you needed to lose weight.
When a perfectly healthy teenager thinks they are overweight even though they clearly are not, something is wrong, like the beginnings of an eating disorder. The rest of the article does indicate you have serious issues with food. Please get help from someone more qualifed than Weight Watchers.
When a perfectly healthy teenager thinks they are overweight even though they clearly are not, something is wrong, like the beginnings of an eating disorder. The rest of the article does indicate you have serious issues with food. Please get help from someone more qualifed than Weight Watchers.
41
This part of Taffy's story resonated with me. I, too, was a perfectly healthy 15 year old with parents obsessed and badgering me about being overweight. Only recently, prompted by a now adult daughter, did I go back and calculate my highest BMI. Nope, not technically overweight ever in my life. But definitely damaged with disordered thinking about food and body image. My weight (and relationship to food) has always been a battle, but one by appearances I have been winning. My closest friends don't even know that. I've maintained a 18.5 BMI for 30 years, but it takes consistent effort and discipline. I could be the thin woman enjoying a cupcake, but I would have estimated the calories and planned them into my "calorie budget" before enjoying it. We can't judge someone else's experience from how they look. I realize not everyone counts calories, and that some people would consider it disordered to count calories in order to maintain a goal weight. So be it. Counting doesn't stop me from enjoying delicious food;it stops me from eating too much of it. It is the only thing that has worked for me given my starting point and journey so far.
I have great empathy for Taffy and her writing here is very fine, but I agree with you -- she does not explain this. It is NOT NORMAL to diet when you are a slim healthy young girl. It is not normal to think 110 lbs is "fat".
If she has an eating disorder or body dysmorphia -- no Weight Watchers or diet plan in the WORLD will help, since what she sees in the mirror is not reality.
If she has an eating disorder or body dysmorphia -- no Weight Watchers or diet plan in the WORLD will help, since what she sees in the mirror is not reality.
1
The issue with this long essay is that the author does not stand back from the trees to see the forrest.First, dieting and food companies ,lifestyle and weight loss experts ,nutritionists, journalists and media outlets, social commentators and the like all have a vested interest in continuously changing the narrative, including emphasis, language and advice on the issue since their very viability and livelihood depend it.Second, optimistic, but ignorant and naive Americans continue to try latch onto any suggestion that "one can have one's cake ( pun) and eat it".In reality, while insights into mechanisms in obesity do evolve, some unpalatable(pun) facts remain; cook, don't eat processed or fast foods, eat small portions, vary your diet and beware of sugar.Instead,American continue to shop in the center of grocery stores, regularly treat themselves to or seek refuge in sweet items, have numerous childlike likes and dislikes when it comes to real food and impulsiveness when it comes to anything inherently unhealthy.Finally ,deep down everyone knows that being overweight does nothing for self esteem, body image or health.Hanging out with the similarly afflicted, watching some make a living from it with their own TV shows and gaining fleeting comfort from learning that others also can't keep the pounds off do not ultimately change the basic truism.A healthy lifestyle for ever requires will power but does work.Ask anyone from an adult culture that has not been "MacDonaldised".
9
You are so right!
On a practical level, for those struggling, consider checking out a paleo "diet." I personally find I only lose weight if I'm strict with eating absolutely no sugar/honey/etc and no grains (not even corn or rice) or dairy or alcohol. I have long accepted that it's not just a short-term weight loss plan though. I will eat this way my entire life. I don't feel deprived, because I can stuff myself with as many avocados, salads, fresh vegetables, salmon, meats, nuts, coconut milk, and occasional fruit as I want and still lose or maintain my weight. I focus on eating more healthy stuff like huge piles of raw greens and fresh green juices (primarily veggies, not fruit).
Try spending thirty days NOT weighing yourself but committing to eating this way 100% with not a single slip-up (literally not one bite of sweets or bread or anything artificial or processed), and I bet you'll be shocked at the end of a month how much you've lost. (Look up Whole30.) In one study, this kind of whole foods diet worked for 95% of people. I'm not suggesting that the same thing works for literally everyone, but if this is something you haven't tried, it's worth a shot.
Try spending thirty days NOT weighing yourself but committing to eating this way 100% with not a single slip-up (literally not one bite of sweets or bread or anything artificial or processed), and I bet you'll be shocked at the end of a month how much you've lost. (Look up Whole30.) In one study, this kind of whole foods diet worked for 95% of people. I'm not suggesting that the same thing works for literally everyone, but if this is something you haven't tried, it's worth a shot.
18
Avocados are extremely high in calories. So are coconut milk and nuts and fatty meats. Touting a paleo diet or Whole30 as a weight loss tool is foolish because "eat until satisfied" can result in some ridiculously high calorie totals. I have known people who eat whole avocados as snacks, power down a 16 ounce ribeye steak at dinner and eat a can of nuts while watching TV--all perfectly "legal" on paleo or Whole30--then wonder why they're not losing weight or, more often than not, why they're gaining. Like it or not, the person who eats 1200 calories a day of Lean Cuisine and Weight Watchers food will lose weight just as easily as the person who eats 1200 calories a day of chicken breast and broccoli.
1
Claudia, the diet sounds more awful than the excess weight.
3
Yup, this is working well for me as well. I don't plan to go back to my old style of eating, that's for sure!
"T'he conference includes study presentations, each one a possible clue to the mystery of fatness.'
mystery of fatness: quantity of food intake and hidden sugar and other unhealthy ingredients in processed food. Also economic inequity to access to fresh healthy food. That is not such a big mystery. Americans are as attached to their XL size meals than to the second amendment and will continue to argue that it is not the guns that do the killing and not the huge portions of food and soft drinks that cause obesity!
The cost of fresh food is also prohibitive for low income families: a fast food meal is much cheaper than buying healthy raw produces to cook at home and is always easily accessible. I maintained my culinary habits from my European upbringing and now in my mid 50s I was never overweight and never on a diet.
mystery of fatness: quantity of food intake and hidden sugar and other unhealthy ingredients in processed food. Also economic inequity to access to fresh healthy food. That is not such a big mystery. Americans are as attached to their XL size meals than to the second amendment and will continue to argue that it is not the guns that do the killing and not the huge portions of food and soft drinks that cause obesity!
The cost of fresh food is also prohibitive for low income families: a fast food meal is much cheaper than buying healthy raw produces to cook at home and is always easily accessible. I maintained my culinary habits from my European upbringing and now in my mid 50s I was never overweight and never on a diet.
7
Seriously -- fast food is NOT CHEAP. It is rather expensive for the low quality, fried cheap stuff that it is.
A fast food dinner, for 4 people in a family, will run about $28 dollars today -- NOT CHEAP.
For that money, the same family could eat a salad, grilled chicken, fresh veggies and some fruit for dessert -- and still get change from that $28 back.
The problem is....people LOVE LOVE LOVE fast food. They love how it tastes. They love fried stuff. They love french fries. They hate cooking. They hate shopping. They hate cleaning up from cooking -- it is a big source of anger, fighting, nagging.
Eating fast food means everyone can order what they prefer -- NO dishes -- NO cleaning up -- NO mess. You eat and then you go.
IT IS NOT ABOUT COST. You are paying for convenience, and taste.
A fast food dinner, for 4 people in a family, will run about $28 dollars today -- NOT CHEAP.
For that money, the same family could eat a salad, grilled chicken, fresh veggies and some fruit for dessert -- and still get change from that $28 back.
The problem is....people LOVE LOVE LOVE fast food. They love how it tastes. They love fried stuff. They love french fries. They hate cooking. They hate shopping. They hate cleaning up from cooking -- it is a big source of anger, fighting, nagging.
Eating fast food means everyone can order what they prefer -- NO dishes -- NO cleaning up -- NO mess. You eat and then you go.
IT IS NOT ABOUT COST. You are paying for convenience, and taste.
1
I'm a skinny person. I know lots of other skinny people. NONE of us eat cheeseburgers or French fries or drink regular soda. Cupcakes are a treat, not a daily part of life. I spend a lot of time in fast-food and fast-casual restaurants (I like knowing the calorie counts) and can GUARANTEE you that nearly every fat person in the joint is eating a cheeseburger and fries and washing it down with a Coke. I eat that stuff a few times a year on vacation -- not on a random Wednesday.
28
I haven't had a soda in almost a decade. I've had pizza maybe five times in the last ten years.
5
Thanks for the humble brag.
When I married, my husband was 6'2" and 145 pounds. He had to eat upwards of 10,000 calories a day to gain weight (until he turned 40).
Whole cakes were part of his life, 2 pizzas at a meal, 3 gyros with fries.
Please think again before you're judgmental about what others eat. Not everyone has your experience and not every fat person in the joint is eating a cheeseburger and fries with Coke.
When I married, my husband was 6'2" and 145 pounds. He had to eat upwards of 10,000 calories a day to gain weight (until he turned 40).
Whole cakes were part of his life, 2 pizzas at a meal, 3 gyros with fries.
Please think again before you're judgmental about what others eat. Not everyone has your experience and not every fat person in the joint is eating a cheeseburger and fries with Coke.
4
The number of people who I observe in restaurants who are obese are always chowing down large quantities of food, mostly unhealthy food. Americans eat too much and move too little and are enticed by fat and sugar laden food. I am not one of those people and am happier than they are, because I am fit, healthy and active. So sad.
For what it's worth, it's not just the act of weight loss that slows your metabolism. The less you weigh (even if you've always been thin) the less calories it takes to maintain your weight. It depends on height also, but it's not just a result of losing large amounts of weight.
3
Wrong. Look at the studies - someone who has dieted down to, say, 120 pounds, will require fewer calories to maintain that weight then someone who has always weighted 120 pounds.
3
I've always said blithely that we can never talk about Weight Watchers in the past tense. But don't ask me how many times I've tried it and failed. And all the other programs also. In my mental picture food is a kind of timeline going from food is the enemy to food is my happy place. I'm still trying at 72 and an insulin dependent diabetic. Just who do I think I am???
4
Diabetes is an illness. It is not a moral judgement on your worth as a human being, nor on what you eat or weigh.
Most diabetics are over 65; it is a disease of old age. Forgive yourself. Try to eat healthy and take your insulin as prescribed. Don't hate on yourself. Life is too short.
Most diabetics are over 65; it is a disease of old age. Forgive yourself. Try to eat healthy and take your insulin as prescribed. Don't hate on yourself. Life is too short.
2
Taffy, wonderful article. I also swing between wanting to be thin and trying to be at peace with myself.
10
For weight watchers, it's all about the food. But where does exercise come in? It usually doesn't and that is part of the problem. As a provider I talk with people daily about food and weight loss. I also talk to them about exercise and fat loss. Would any really care how much they weighed if their body fat percentage is 20 for women and 16 for men? Probably not. Suddenly weight would really just be a number. Americans have never known or been good at knowing what works because a diet company can sell a product or idea without any real substance or evidence that it works, and Americans are kind of in denial about the effort required for weight loss, which includes exercise, cardio and weights (and I am talking about real exercise, not 8 minute ab burns that leave you with no change at all), a balanced diet that is lower in fat with quality food that matches your exercise output and nutrition timing (yes, too much of or the wrong type fat makes you fat, period) and an understanding that this journey is a work in progress is a good start. To reshape your body, it takes focus and a commitment that goes well beyond the typical diet program. It isn't enough to simply diet, just as it isn't enough to simply exercise. Finding something athletic you enjoy doing and then doing it to the absolute best of your ability through training is a good place to start. This can take the focus off of weight loss and put some of the joy back into life.
6
Weight Watchers *does* emphasize activity, much more so today than when I first joined way back in 1986. Even the new plan places more emphasis on doing activities and focusing on personal interests as opposed to strictly counting daily and weekly food points.
The author writes that as a teenager she began her first diet when she was 5'3" and 110 pounds. That might be the problem itself as that is not overweight. Dieting when you are not overweight might lead your body to lower its metabolism significantly thinking that it is preventing you from starving. Our bodies are genetically programmed to be survival machines getting us through periods of famine. I also find it infuriating that the lack of fat acceptance, and insensitive remarks are reserved primarily for women. Men can be fat but not humiliated for it. Thinking it is o.k. to make nasty remarks because of someone's size is a societal construct also. No one thinks it is acceptable to make fun of someone in a wheel chair. Obesity is also a disability I have noticed when walking on the local beaches that couples walking together are often an overweight man walking with a slender woman.
10
Men can be fat and not humiliated, but us short guys take a lot of flack for something we can't control (height). Also, women very much prefer thin men to fat men, all things being equal. When was the last time you saw an attractive women with a short fat guy? Usually, the fat guy is tall, like an NFL lineman.
I don't think women are really that forgiving about fat men. I rarely see thin women with fat guys, and, when I do, they are tall and often successful. I can't think of one thin female movie star with an unthin husband.
Women might not make fun of a guy for being fat, but they might call him a "creep" if he talks to them. The word "creep" is sometimes a form of shaming, because it doesn't mean "creepy." Or it often means unattractive, fat, short, poor, or old. If you view every use of the word "creep" as an instance of shaming, then it sure seems like women shame men a lot.
I don't think women are really that forgiving about fat men. I rarely see thin women with fat guys, and, when I do, they are tall and often successful. I can't think of one thin female movie star with an unthin husband.
Women might not make fun of a guy for being fat, but they might call him a "creep" if he talks to them. The word "creep" is sometimes a form of shaming, because it doesn't mean "creepy." Or it often means unattractive, fat, short, poor, or old. If you view every use of the word "creep" as an instance of shaming, then it sure seems like women shame men a lot.
1
Taffy, thank you for this beautiful column, written from both your head and heart.
It resonated with me on many levels. Over a twenty year period, I had gained almost 100 lbs., slowly and steadily. As the years went by, the task of getting back into a healthy weight became ever more daunting and discouraging and it kept it's place as the "next" project.
In June of 2016, I was with my family in Italy. On the longest day of the year, we chartered a boat and sailed around the southernmost tip of Italy. It was a picture perfect day. After we sailed for about an hour, we anchored and everyone jumped in but me. I was certain that I would not be able to climb up the ladder back onto the boat;the prospect of the gracious Italian crew having to haul me back on board was too humiliating to consider.
I made up my mind that September was the deadline. I settled on Weight Watchers. I attended my first meeting the first week of September. I have the benefit of a great leader, Ann, in Summit. It is a fantastic group of mostly women who have great advice and who are supportive beyond words.
The election was hard. My husband said to me once when I was beside myself, "There's only going to be one outcome and you cannot control it. The only thing you can control is what you eat." True.
Food will be a lifelong struggle; I have gained a perspective that I hope is enduring. Down 70 lbs. Healthy again, ankles don't hurt, buying regular sizes is great.
Taffy, you can do it!
It resonated with me on many levels. Over a twenty year period, I had gained almost 100 lbs., slowly and steadily. As the years went by, the task of getting back into a healthy weight became ever more daunting and discouraging and it kept it's place as the "next" project.
In June of 2016, I was with my family in Italy. On the longest day of the year, we chartered a boat and sailed around the southernmost tip of Italy. It was a picture perfect day. After we sailed for about an hour, we anchored and everyone jumped in but me. I was certain that I would not be able to climb up the ladder back onto the boat;the prospect of the gracious Italian crew having to haul me back on board was too humiliating to consider.
I made up my mind that September was the deadline. I settled on Weight Watchers. I attended my first meeting the first week of September. I have the benefit of a great leader, Ann, in Summit. It is a fantastic group of mostly women who have great advice and who are supportive beyond words.
The election was hard. My husband said to me once when I was beside myself, "There's only going to be one outcome and you cannot control it. The only thing you can control is what you eat." True.
Food will be a lifelong struggle; I have gained a perspective that I hope is enduring. Down 70 lbs. Healthy again, ankles don't hurt, buying regular sizes is great.
Taffy, you can do it!
41
This article, and many of the comments, speak of "skinny people" as people who do not understand the food struggle and are living in blissful ignorance of the calories they put in their bodies. This is so far from the truth. I am a "skinny person", really just on the low end of normal. My food intake is never far from my consciousness. I have days where I allow myself to not care, but then back to the grind and I have to mentally battle to restrict calories. That skinny girl eating a cupcake? Chances are she's doing that while calculating how long she has to be "good for" now. We are all subject to the same forces of evolution that instilled our weakness for sugary and fatty foods. And we are all living in modern society with the food industry telling us to eat more. Few of us are exempt from this.
65
Your experience is not universal. There are plenty of skinny women, and even more skinny men, who eat whatever they want, and not particularly healthfully. And although I am not skinny, I am not overweight despite eating much more than most of the women I know, some of whom weigh more than I do and some of whom weigh less.
4
I absolutely agree. "skinny" people have problems too. They may, or may not be associated with food, and many skinny people have self-loathing and doubt.
You cannot tell what someone is experiencing in their life just by observing them eating a cupcake or drinking a Dr. Pepper. Just because they aren't overweight does not automatically place them in Camp Happy.
You cannot tell what someone is experiencing in their life just by observing them eating a cupcake or drinking a Dr. Pepper. Just because they aren't overweight does not automatically place them in Camp Happy.
6
There is certainly a range but I'd be interested in comparing the actual calories they are taking in vs. people who are overweight. That said, not everyone is obsessed with food and body weight but I think most people do focus on it.
2
I had stood up in a room and said, ‘‘Hello, my name is Taffy, and I am a compulsive overeater.’’
I would love to hear more about your experience in that program, which (if it's the one I'm thinking of) seems to have anticipated some of the science relating to white sugar, flour, etc., as well as the mutual help psychology of the current iteration of "WW".
I would love to hear more about your experience in that program, which (if it's the one I'm thinking of) seems to have anticipated some of the science relating to white sugar, flour, etc., as well as the mutual help psychology of the current iteration of "WW".
4
As a former member of overeater's anonymous, I can tell you all about that program--but it wouldn't be very positive. I spent many years in those rooms and I can tell you for a fact that many people remain overweight (even obese) despite following this program. Actually, I knew many anorexics there also, so I don't consider it a "weight loss" program and OA doesn't promote itself that way, either. The main goal is to lose the obsession with food. However, food plans like "gray sheet" do promote obsessive compulsive thinking in a whole new way. I followed that food plan for many years and ended up anorexic on it and also more obsessed with food than ever.
The author repeatedly says she's fat, and she also says she's 5'3" and 110 lbs. This doesn't make any sense.
8
That was in high school, not now.
1
That was her weight the first time she went to WW, which had ridiculously low goal weights at that time.
5
The author was referring to her height and weight at age fifteen in that section of the essay. You're right: it doesn't make sense to believe yourself "fat" at 5'3" and 110 pounds, yet so very many, many girls and women--as so beautifully expressed by Ms. Brodesser-Akner in this essay--can testify otherwise.
17
from Merriam-Webster online:
'original meaning of diet’s Greek ancestor diaita, which is derived from the verb diaitasthan, meaning “to lead one’s life.”'
One translation/definition of the word diaita is "a way of life."
Either way, it's very interesting (in the current political climate it's difficult to type the word "sad" in any serious context) how the word "diet" has been perverted to the point where it can't be used commercially, and is rarely seen as anything other than a virtual prison sentence of punishment and deprivation. That is the very undefinition of "a way of life..."
The fact that there is an "Obesity Week" sponsored by an "Obesity Society" and numerous obesity research centers, institutes, and publications, and the personal stories of the author and the various commenters, just underscores that the underlying matrix of causes, obstacles, and stumbling blocks is different for just about anybody who struggles with weight issues.
So, it's basically trial and error, for everybody, until they stumble upon a "way of life" that actually is just that.
The best guidance I've seen toward eventually finding a workable personal approach is by Dr. Joseph Parent, best known as a Zen-golf coach, but who has recently written a "meta-diet" book about the Zen of losing weight.
It touches on many of the points raised here, providing a mindful awareness framework that is very helpful in adapting, positively, to a new way of life.
see, The Best Diet Book Ever
'original meaning of diet’s Greek ancestor diaita, which is derived from the verb diaitasthan, meaning “to lead one’s life.”'
One translation/definition of the word diaita is "a way of life."
Either way, it's very interesting (in the current political climate it's difficult to type the word "sad" in any serious context) how the word "diet" has been perverted to the point where it can't be used commercially, and is rarely seen as anything other than a virtual prison sentence of punishment and deprivation. That is the very undefinition of "a way of life..."
The fact that there is an "Obesity Week" sponsored by an "Obesity Society" and numerous obesity research centers, institutes, and publications, and the personal stories of the author and the various commenters, just underscores that the underlying matrix of causes, obstacles, and stumbling blocks is different for just about anybody who struggles with weight issues.
So, it's basically trial and error, for everybody, until they stumble upon a "way of life" that actually is just that.
The best guidance I've seen toward eventually finding a workable personal approach is by Dr. Joseph Parent, best known as a Zen-golf coach, but who has recently written a "meta-diet" book about the Zen of losing weight.
It touches on many of the points raised here, providing a mindful awareness framework that is very helpful in adapting, positively, to a new way of life.
see, The Best Diet Book Ever
3
I love the liberation I sensed as the writer fully acknowleged difference (even if thin she won't 'be' a thin person) and it's tension with hopelessness as a data driven concept.
10
Living in Canada, after a recent trip to the US, I was appalled at the size of food portions being served in US restaurants. Ordering Nachos as an appetizer and being served a meal with enough calories to feed an entire family for a day or the regular ice cream size representing half of a normal adult daily calories needed. And the ubiquitous sweet sodas! Serving sizes and the american dependence to cars explains the obesity epidemics.
86
WEIGHT WATCHERS was begun based on a diet that its founder "borrowed" from a US government brochure that addressed both caloric intake and overall nutrition. So what Weight Watchers got for free has morphed into a multi-billion dollar business. That's heavy, man! Heavy and getting heavier. The stock prices can't keep on going up if people start losing weight all of a sudden. I think that the brand, "Weight Watchers" is outmoded. "Weight Boosters" sounds like just the fix needed to raise the standards and to guarantee a boost in stock values and consumer weight gain.
4
Thank you for this fine honest and informative article. I have belonged to WW on and off for 44 years and am a Lifetime member. I attend weekly and am entirely grateful for the expertise and the encouragement, both from the group and the leader. I may never be as thin as I'd like, but this program keeps me healthy and able to walk 10,000 steps a day, and bend over easily to weed my garden .
17
Brilliantly written!
4
Thank you for this article, which was like looking in a mirror for me. Having been a serial dieter my whole life, I don't have any answers to the issues you pose, but admire you bravery in staying in the fight. The casual cruelty of many "nice" people to heavy folks is stunning, and the examples you cite break my heart. I wish I could give you a hug.
37
Fat shaming and fad dieting aside, I suggest you check out a book called The China Study. There IS a way to lose this fat. It IS radical. It is also the only known diet--in the "way you eat" sense"-- with decades of peer reviewed research showing that in addition to being thinner, people eating this diet suffer magnificently lower rates of heart disease, cancer, stroke, dementia--and about 14 more of the top 15 causes of death (number 6 is accidents).
Why haven't I heard about it? you may ask. Because the USDA is run by the beef and dairy lobby. Because the cancer society is funded by meat and dairy associations. Because even Coca Cola is a major corporate sponsor of most of the literature from supposedly scientific institutes. And because beef alone (forget chicken and dairy) accounts for BILLIONS of dollars in our economy. And it is killing us. Whole food, plant based eating is the only long term solution.
Best of luck to all who are trying to get healthier (which is not about fad dieting but about making and keeping an eating plan). My husband is down from well over 300 pounds. I am down from over 200. You CAN. You just need to do a little research and get some help. That help is also available at forksoverknives.com and if you don't feel like reading all the scientific literature, the information is available in a lovely documentary on Netflix, called Forks Over Knives.
Why haven't I heard about it? you may ask. Because the USDA is run by the beef and dairy lobby. Because the cancer society is funded by meat and dairy associations. Because even Coca Cola is a major corporate sponsor of most of the literature from supposedly scientific institutes. And because beef alone (forget chicken and dairy) accounts for BILLIONS of dollars in our economy. And it is killing us. Whole food, plant based eating is the only long term solution.
Best of luck to all who are trying to get healthier (which is not about fad dieting but about making and keeping an eating plan). My husband is down from well over 300 pounds. I am down from over 200. You CAN. You just need to do a little research and get some help. That help is also available at forksoverknives.com and if you don't feel like reading all the scientific literature, the information is available in a lovely documentary on Netflix, called Forks Over Knives.
30
Excellent advice. Consider too that animals grown for food are given massive amounts of antibiotics and growth hormones. Tragic and another possible contributor to America's weight gain epidemic.
1
I grew up in the '50's. We ate three modest meals a day. We never ever ate between meals. We ate out two or three times a year. That all changed in the mid '70's and early '80's. Guess what? (And it wasn't about exercise.) It's the food industry, just like big pharma and the opioid epidemic--big corporations relentlessly increasing shareholder value and doing what they do. People blame themselves because that's all they can do.
p
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50
Also, the introduction of microwave ovens in the 70's. Suddenly, the kitchen wasn't "closed" after dinner anymore. At 9 or 10 or 11 pm you could microwave yourself buttered popcorn, pizza bites, and so much more. I believe that really helped lead to obesity here in the States.
11
A lot of this article, particularly towards the end, sounds like the mind of an individual with an eating disorder, or at least disordered eating. Take care of yourself.
But where is the mention of balance? (most people who eat giant plates of burgers and fries will struggle with their weight, but eating it occasionally is fine) Where is the mention of inflated American portion sizes? (in my experience, restaurants serve about 1 1/2 times more pasta than is an actual serving) The author noticeably doesn't list her food choices when she's not on a diet, nor does she detail the food choices of the people in her work or home environment. She also doesn't address the reasons why dieters tend to lose both the weight and the food regimen, which is key to understanding whether a diet is worth it in the first place.
But where is the mention of balance? (most people who eat giant plates of burgers and fries will struggle with their weight, but eating it occasionally is fine) Where is the mention of inflated American portion sizes? (in my experience, restaurants serve about 1 1/2 times more pasta than is an actual serving) The author noticeably doesn't list her food choices when she's not on a diet, nor does she detail the food choices of the people in her work or home environment. She also doesn't address the reasons why dieters tend to lose both the weight and the food regimen, which is key to understanding whether a diet is worth it in the first place.
15
I also wondered if she has an eating disorder, since she started dieting while weighing 110 pounds as a 5'3" teenager. I wonder what she weighs now, if she's seriously obese or is just never satisfied with her size and shape.
6
I can guarantee the person writing this is skinny. No clue.
11
No, it reflects the messages we receive from the media and society, constantly. In the 1960's, during elementary school, my mother would complain I was overweight after visiting my dad, who lived with his parents. Contentious divorce, a hated mother-in-law who was no heavier than her own mother and grandmothers. I look at pictures of myself from that time and I was a skinny kid. Several years later, after tramatic experiences with her and her second husband, I did start to put on weight. Started a decades long rollercoster of weight gain and loss. Now, I eat healthy, but have developed health problems that prevent me from exercising as much as I used to during all those years. But I keep moving, still. But the message she started in my head as a 4th grader still echoes in my life.
6
thank you, taffy. couldn't stop laughing when i recognized myself over & over again in your well researched & informative article. am delighted you will have a permanent post at the nyt come september. looking forward to reading more of your prose.
25
Same
1
About a decade ago my then 80 year old father in law, out a sign up on his gate: having weight problems? Come in for consultation. Or something like that. Before long he had a stream of mostly middle aged women and a few obese teens knocking on his door. He would sit them down on his rustic bench in the front portico and begin: the golden rule for good health is, calories in should be equal to calories out! Then he would go through their daily diet and tweak it with advice on how much they should walk what distance and how many minutes. All this was done without any fancy gadgets or devices. Very soon he found out that most of them wanted to be heard. Oh...he did this for FREE, no charge. Good results.
11
This article should be read by every person who has ever been, known, loved, or judged an overweight person. Brodesser-Akner has beautifully addressed this layered, nuanced, complicated issue and I applaud her. It is not simple, notwithstanding the number of comments that begin, "the problem is...".
What is needed now is an article/book/series that tells those of us now raising kids entering the body image years how to spare them an ounce of our pain. I would happily stay fat forever if I could inoculate my children against self-loathing. THAT would be magic.
What is needed now is an article/book/series that tells those of us now raising kids entering the body image years how to spare them an ounce of our pain. I would happily stay fat forever if I could inoculate my children against self-loathing. THAT would be magic.
23
Be strong! Don't let ANYONE define how you should feel about yourself. Meditate for that - to believe in your perfect beauty as a thoughtful and loving person on this planet. Much love to you.
7
I think that approaching the weight situation through the lens of pop culture is destructive.
Pop infantilizes. It gives undeserved credence to cute and sassy talk about something that is a health problem.
The media are culpable. A NY Times Magazine article about cancer or heart disease, written in a similar stand-up comedienne tone, would be unacceptable. Why does a purportedly serious article about fat get a pass?
Pop infantilizes. It gives undeserved credence to cute and sassy talk about something that is a health problem.
The media are culpable. A NY Times Magazine article about cancer or heart disease, written in a similar stand-up comedienne tone, would be unacceptable. Why does a purportedly serious article about fat get a pass?
3
Apparently, you and I did not read the same article.
22
The truth is that nobody really knows what is causing the obesity epidemic. That's why there are so many scientists, doctors and researchers out there working in numerous research centers, hospitals and foundations trying to come up with a definitive answer and solution. We are supporters of one such nationally reknowned center here. I have been attending scientific dinners/lunches/panel discussions and speaker events for about 15 years and have heard a little bit of everything over and over. The only thing that has changed in that time is that there are more obese people now than there were 15 years ago. The researchers at these events are world class, but solving the obesity problem is starting to look like finding a cure for cancer. Same success rate.
As for the psychological ramifications of being "curvy", let me say that I was always very naturally thin. I didn't break 100 lbs until college, and I didn't break 110 lbs until I was married and had three children, which was my late 30's. But along came the hysterectomy, followed by my 50th birthday and the pounds slowly arrived. 2 or 3 lbs a year, it adds up. I weigh more now than I did when I was nine months pregnant, BUT in my mind I am still that skinny girl who can't gain weight.
In contrast, my cousin was grew up chubby and was constantly harrassed by her mother to lose weight. She was an on/off member of Weight Watchers for 30 years. My cousin is finally bone thin. But in her mind, she is fat & it haunts her.
As for the psychological ramifications of being "curvy", let me say that I was always very naturally thin. I didn't break 100 lbs until college, and I didn't break 110 lbs until I was married and had three children, which was my late 30's. But along came the hysterectomy, followed by my 50th birthday and the pounds slowly arrived. 2 or 3 lbs a year, it adds up. I weigh more now than I did when I was nine months pregnant, BUT in my mind I am still that skinny girl who can't gain weight.
In contrast, my cousin was grew up chubby and was constantly harrassed by her mother to lose weight. She was an on/off member of Weight Watchers for 30 years. My cousin is finally bone thin. But in her mind, she is fat & it haunts her.
38
Nobody knows? As I've posted elsewhere -- when science starts to look at tissue to see what the toxic level the average person's body bears, I think we'll see some answers. Consider too the growth hormones fed in massive quantities to cows and chickens and pigs. And we think this isn't affecting us?
The modern American diet substituted sugar, fat and oil for whole grains and vegetables (most notably potatoes). It would be a surprise if replacing foods that are mostly starch and fiber with much higher-calorie foods did not lead to weight gain.
Given that antibiotics began to be used to fatten cattle and pigs in the mid-20th century, roughly the same time period in which the "obesity epidemic" began, I have to wonder if there's a connection. Are the people who struggle the most with weight the same ones who took the most antibiotics while young? Not to mention, what extra dose do we get by eating that beef and pork? I say this as someone who struggled with weight for most of my adult life, and finally lost hope. My weight maxed out at 225, height 5'8", in my early 40s.
What finally got me from 225 to 175, 11 years ago (still more or less there, would like to go lower), was a severe episode of heartburn that meant I couldn't eat much for almost a week. Some pounds came off, and finally I /knew/ that it was possible for my body to use up some of its stored fat.
But everyone's different, what worked for me (moderate exercise and low carbs) might not work for others. Also Geneen Roth's books were very helpful.
What finally got me from 225 to 175, 11 years ago (still more or less there, would like to go lower), was a severe episode of heartburn that meant I couldn't eat much for almost a week. Some pounds came off, and finally I /knew/ that it was possible for my body to use up some of its stored fat.
But everyone's different, what worked for me (moderate exercise and low carbs) might not work for others. Also Geneen Roth's books were very helpful.
13
Such a good point, antibiotics mess up our gut flora and possibly it all cascades from there.
4
People think of health as mostly about your body when in fact it is mostly about our mind. Controlling what and how much we eat; getting off the couch and exercising; avoiding unhealthy choices is a battle largely fought in our mind and not our body Most of us have a pretty good idea of what we should eat and do. The real problem is doing it and sticking with it.
Start from the place of wanting to be healthy and in control over your own life (as opposed to the brainwashing like marketing and addictive use of sugar and salt we are constantly exposed to since childhood).
First, completely forget the idea of "diet". Whether we are at a healthy weight, underweight, or overweight the basic variety and balance of nutrients we need changes very little Our need for a minimal level of physical activity doe not change. What changes is the quantity of nutrients - the more of us there is the more nutrients we need (keeping in mind that the composition of our body, i.e. fat to muscle or physical activity level, might call for some variation in the nutrient mix).
Create your own healthy eating plan based on a balanced variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and low fat proteins that includes the nutrients you need. Make it a sustainable eating plan; own it and embrace. Allow for a certain amount of "junk" (80/20 rule).
What changes is not what you eat but how much you eat. You are never "on" a diet because you are always eating the same healthy foods.
Start from the place of wanting to be healthy and in control over your own life (as opposed to the brainwashing like marketing and addictive use of sugar and salt we are constantly exposed to since childhood).
First, completely forget the idea of "diet". Whether we are at a healthy weight, underweight, or overweight the basic variety and balance of nutrients we need changes very little Our need for a minimal level of physical activity doe not change. What changes is the quantity of nutrients - the more of us there is the more nutrients we need (keeping in mind that the composition of our body, i.e. fat to muscle or physical activity level, might call for some variation in the nutrient mix).
Create your own healthy eating plan based on a balanced variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and low fat proteins that includes the nutrients you need. Make it a sustainable eating plan; own it and embrace. Allow for a certain amount of "junk" (80/20 rule).
What changes is not what you eat but how much you eat. You are never "on" a diet because you are always eating the same healthy foods.
5
Thank you Taffy Brodesser-Akner for your wonderful article. So many of us have been through what you describe with clarity and emotional depth. As I have aged, I believe the most helpful realization was that almost everyone who says they have found the "secret" to weight loss, seems to regain the weight lost within a short time: There is no point in putting off life's special moments until one's body meets one's own standards of perfection. Thank you again for sharing such a personal story.
17
I have no idea what my "natural" weight is.
I do know since I gave up smoking and dancing till all hours and sitting on my butt too long due to computer-related activities and work that I have spread like a pancake over a too-cool skillet.
Yesterday I made a delicious sandwich.
And I wanted another one. And I did.
I said to myself "why can't you?" And nobody answered back. (I had half of one...as obviously somewhere an inner moderator rules.) I have given up much in my life - vegan you know so know full fat artisan cheese, no meat and tatties....I am in fact "variations on chunky..." and that I think I will be...
I do know since I gave up smoking and dancing till all hours and sitting on my butt too long due to computer-related activities and work that I have spread like a pancake over a too-cool skillet.
Yesterday I made a delicious sandwich.
And I wanted another one. And I did.
I said to myself "why can't you?" And nobody answered back. (I had half of one...as obviously somewhere an inner moderator rules.) I have given up much in my life - vegan you know so know full fat artisan cheese, no meat and tatties....I am in fact "variations on chunky..." and that I think I will be...
5
I hate the word diet , which always sounded punitive and depravational to me, so I have long called it my intake reduction plan. WW just tries to change their plans every year to garner new customers and make the old ones feel dumb for following the old plan. It is all about monitoring intake while eating a healthy array of foods. Once you figure that out who needs to pay some company for their slick marketing.
2
I agree with what you say about the word "diet", but I can tell that you don't know that much about Weight Watchers. You wrote, "(Losing weight) is all about monitoring intake while eating a healthy array of foods." DUH! Everyone knows that! But some people find the support, accountability, ideas, motivation, inspiration, and focus of WW meetings extremely helpful. So, yeah.... some people don't mind paying for that! I pay to go to a bootcamp class 4 days a week where we run, do push-ups, squats, lunges, etc. I know how to do those things on my own, but I'm much more motivated when I'm doing them with an instructor and group of fellow bootcampers! It's worth the money to me. Weight Watchers is the same.
And WW doesn't change its plan every year. Little tiny tweaks here and there, perhaps. When they DO drastically change the plan (about every 5 years from my experience), it's always based on the latest nutritional and/or behavioral science. Sure, it brings in new members, but it's NOT "to make the old (members) feel dumb for following the old plan". In fact, I find that MOST members get excited about changes. It often helps them push through plateaus and keep it exciting. Weight Watchers gives members the tools to figure out what works for them. Try something new and see if it works!
And WW doesn't change its plan every year. Little tiny tweaks here and there, perhaps. When they DO drastically change the plan (about every 5 years from my experience), it's always based on the latest nutritional and/or behavioral science. Sure, it brings in new members, but it's NOT "to make the old (members) feel dumb for following the old plan". In fact, I find that MOST members get excited about changes. It often helps them push through plateaus and keep it exciting. Weight Watchers gives members the tools to figure out what works for them. Try something new and see if it works!
1
I agree with the posts that talk about processed foods, empty calories, sugars and fats. These are the kinds of foods that are often at the bottom of eating disorders. It is not that difficult to educate yourself about what to eat and what to refrain from. Notice that there's no mention here of eating too many green beans! How much time do I want to "spend" on my diet? As much time as I want to have a real quality of life. I lost 25 pounds on Weight Watchers and saw others lose much more. Your diet is not a one-shot deal.
3
I learned to use the words 'nutrition plan' with my wife. As you say 'diet' really means 'prescribes quantities'. But I kept getting pushback from my triathlete wife- who at times complained about her weight- when I used the word diet, so I stopped. And it is more of a nutrition plan. She isn't trying to lose weight or drive me crazy, she's maximizing her nutrition to be a successful athlete.
I'll be over the corner, equally active and relatively lean, but having a beer to rehydrate after my long ride.
I'll be over the corner, equally active and relatively lean, but having a beer to rehydrate after my long ride.
2
Thank you, Taffy. This is a fantastic article. I remember 35 years ago my stepmother, who also struggled with her weight, telling me that I would probably always struggle with mine. She was right. Your story is touching - thank you for sharing it. I've also reached the conclusion that it will be a never-ending struggle but that my health is worth it. Going vegan and focusing on whole plant foods made a huge difference for me the past four years. It made it easier, but I still have to think about everything I eat.
9
When I was in my mid-twenties I lost about 150 pounds and have pretty much kept if off to this day, almost 50 years later. From what I've read it is not uncommon for people who lost a lot of weight to transfer one eating disorder with another. In my case it was anorexia. I'm incessantly hungry but feel guilty when I eat. It's taken me years to be able to eat in public. And all I think about is food. I wonder, was I better off before I lost the weight?
13
I think if you grow up obese, at some point it's best to accept that you have two choices: fight the forever fight, or stay obese. That's it. There is no magical "you'll get thin and then you can relax!" Even if you "get thin," the battle is constant and never ending. Or you give in, and get fat again.
It doesn't feel fair and all that. Nonetheless, that's how it is.
It doesn't feel fair and all that. Nonetheless, that's how it is.
1
As someone who struggles to stay very thin, I identify with many of Taffy's same issues -- obsession with food and size manifests itself differently in all of us; we all, regardless of our appearance, deserve compassion and understanding. thank you for this article!
7
When I was 40 a friend of mine gave me a book called Overcoming Overeating, by Carol Munter and Jane Hirschman. It changed my life forever! It said I could eat what my body told me it wanted and I would not gain weight. I had struggled with my weight since I was 10 years old. Everyone thought I was crazy. This was 30 years ago. I am not thin and I dress in clothes that are comfortable and stylish. I do not have a scale and only weigh myself at the doctors office when I go for a check up. My weight has not changed. I keep all foods in my house so I can satisfy my desires at any time. I walk 5 days a week with friends, which is physically and mentally stimulating. Would be happy to share more of my story with anyone.
1
I struggled with food obsessions and unhealthy food practices for ten years in my late teens and early twenties. One day it occurred to me that I could postpone the crime (unhealthy eating/food obsession) instead of the punishment (self denial). If I wanted to obsess and overeat, there was always tomorrow. Once not obsessing about food and weight felt more like procrastination than punishment it seemed easy. Funny how the mind works. I've had a pretty healthy body weight and attitude toward food in the forty years since.
15
The obesity epidemic has increased lock step with the demonization of saturated fat, meat, and salt while the real culprits; sugar, highly processed and refined quasi foods, artificial preservatives and impossible to pronounce chemical additives that have for the most part been given a free pass by the powers that be who are bought by the powerful industrial food/agricultural/sugar conglomerates who profit exponentially by the disinformation.
17
Good points. Europe has more protective laws and sensible regulations and you don't see overweight people.
Is this new "body positive" trend hurting people more? People are now in denial thinking that being overweight is not going to cause them any health issues, because after all Ashley Graham doesn't talk about her cholesterol or other issues. It is dangerous! Dieting is not the solution, and there are no shortcuts to a healthy and thinner lifestyles. It can't merely be a goal to attain, it has to become a different lifestyle.
8
You people are deluding yourself if you think you can be healthy and fat. A very very VERY serious delusion. Oh and its not "dieting" if you simply eat the way you were designed to. Rather than 24 hours a day, how about you give it a rest and eat only 8 hours a day?
8
Why judge people's health by their outsides? There are people unfortunately suffering from bulimia and other disorders, who look healthy. Also what makes you think that someone who is heavy eats 24 hours a day?
15
Did you read the article? The data are not clear on whether fat in and of itself can be neutral. But the use of three "verys" gives your contention a real veneer of empiricism as does the bizarre assertion that people are fat because they are eating 24 hours a day. No one is more self-conscious and when and where and what they eat than fat people who often fast for hours a day out of shame and then over eat when the hunger overwhelms them.
12
Tracy, you say "fast for hours a day" as if you think that's extreme. But it's normal not to snack between meals.
2
Thank you for this Taffy.
12
So little understanding surrounding weight, so this piece is a welcome addition to the discussion. A few years back, one very slender neighbor was lamenting to me that her mother-in-law was overweight and wasn't making any effort to lose the extra pounds. She said to me in exasperation, "Can't the woman just chew gum???"
6
This article is personal, balanced, and thoughtful. I am a wiser person after reading it. I was skeptical and the author rewarded my time. Thank you NYT and Taffy!
125
Totally agree -- great article, love the writing.
3
It's sugar that makes one fat. If you stop eating sugar, and carbs that turn into sugar, you will lose weight.
15
But it's the sugar that's addictive.
5
Processed added sugar. The more complex the sugar the less likely it is to cause surplus in the system. My daughter uses beets and carrots to sweeten her muffins. Fresh fruits in yogurt without any added sugar. She uses diced dried figs or apricots or cranberries or raisins for the sweetness. But she runs 3 miles a day and 7 miles on weekends. Does not eat any processed food or canned. Frozen vegetables are ok.
2
NOT TRUE. I almost no sugar or carbs that turn into sugar and still cannot lose weight.
7
This was a brilliant and thoughtful article. I am a psychiatrist and have worked in eating disorders for the past decade. All of the conflicts you describe, speak to everything I have seen in my practice.
The only writing I have found that moves away from the philosophical, gerbil- wheel you describe, is a well researched book by Mark Schatzker that speaks to the history of food in the twentieth century and the possibility that the metabolic derangements presently seen are not just from the dieting cycle, but secondary to the food we eat - almost all of it, including the organic kale, etc. He argues that the way our food has changed in the 20th century, in part through flavor dilution, is enormous and affects satiety, metabolism and nutrition. Our food has also changed in a myriad of other ways and a discussion of the effects of these changes is beyond the comments section here.
I really loved your piece.
The only writing I have found that moves away from the philosophical, gerbil- wheel you describe, is a well researched book by Mark Schatzker that speaks to the history of food in the twentieth century and the possibility that the metabolic derangements presently seen are not just from the dieting cycle, but secondary to the food we eat - almost all of it, including the organic kale, etc. He argues that the way our food has changed in the 20th century, in part through flavor dilution, is enormous and affects satiety, metabolism and nutrition. Our food has also changed in a myriad of other ways and a discussion of the effects of these changes is beyond the comments section here.
I really loved your piece.
57
Sounds like a fascinating book. I will have to read it. Thanks for the suggestion.
3
I truly commend your honesty in this article. Weight is a personal issue that is on constant display and that is why it is so difficult. If nobody were ever judged for their weight, the 'just be happy and healthy' mantra would be so much easier to accept.
I lost weight over 8 years ago and have kept it off. Just like I think weight is a personal issue, so is weight loss. What worked for me worked for me because I am the one who crafted it. I didn't follow a diet prescribed by anybody else. I did and continue to do what works best for me. I workout because I love it. I don't eat fast food because I don't like fast food. I eat peanut butter and chocolate because I don't want to ever not eat them. In other words, everything about my eating habits and my activity is focused only on me and what I like/want/need. And despite barriers (the 'why don't you skip your workout' questions from my family or 'let's eat at Taco Bell'! suggestions), I persist down my path because it is the best path for me. I have long said I am a remarkably selfish person, and nothing illustrates it more than my ability to lose 50lbs at the age of 44 and keep it off into my 50s despite all life has thrown at me over the past several years.
But that is MY choice on how to live my life. I am happy in the choices I have made. I will not judge people for making different choices but only hope the choices made are their choices and make them happy. That last statement is key. It really is.
I lost weight over 8 years ago and have kept it off. Just like I think weight is a personal issue, so is weight loss. What worked for me worked for me because I am the one who crafted it. I didn't follow a diet prescribed by anybody else. I did and continue to do what works best for me. I workout because I love it. I don't eat fast food because I don't like fast food. I eat peanut butter and chocolate because I don't want to ever not eat them. In other words, everything about my eating habits and my activity is focused only on me and what I like/want/need. And despite barriers (the 'why don't you skip your workout' questions from my family or 'let's eat at Taco Bell'! suggestions), I persist down my path because it is the best path for me. I have long said I am a remarkably selfish person, and nothing illustrates it more than my ability to lose 50lbs at the age of 44 and keep it off into my 50s despite all life has thrown at me over the past several years.
But that is MY choice on how to live my life. I am happy in the choices I have made. I will not judge people for making different choices but only hope the choices made are their choices and make them happy. That last statement is key. It really is.
32
I think the work with body acceptance is invaluable: dropping down into one's body, living in one's body all the way to its edges. As is mindful eating: listening to one's body cues and savoring one's food, hearing that fullness click.
What is not helpful is focusing on weight or thinking that we can "control" our weight. That's a saboteur. It's unhealthy. It's fixated. It's OCD. It's up the diet roller coaster excitement (hurray, celebrate, tiaras) and then down the roller coaster (having "messed up," panic, throwing in towel). It's samsara, that pattern. It's okay to have a preference, for example, to lose weight. It's not helpful to cling to that. Also, everything is temporary (a reason not to cling). There is no weight one permanently arrives at. If we try to make it permanent (cling) we become rigid and we lose touch with connecting. It's not about control. We have no control. It's about connecting.
What is not helpful is focusing on weight or thinking that we can "control" our weight. That's a saboteur. It's unhealthy. It's fixated. It's OCD. It's up the diet roller coaster excitement (hurray, celebrate, tiaras) and then down the roller coaster (having "messed up," panic, throwing in towel). It's samsara, that pattern. It's okay to have a preference, for example, to lose weight. It's not helpful to cling to that. Also, everything is temporary (a reason not to cling). There is no weight one permanently arrives at. If we try to make it permanent (cling) we become rigid and we lose touch with connecting. It's not about control. We have no control. It's about connecting.
4
It's hard even as a fit, thin woman to feel at home in my body. I'm always on the offensive, working to prevent weight gain. I've never been overweight. I hate that I'm scared to get fat because I know it shouldn't matter. I feel possessive of my weight now and mad that I'm not in as good of shape as I was ten years ago when I was in high school. I hear how ridiculous that last part sounds. How all of it sounds. I looked at photographs from a few years back when I was at roughly the same weight. "I look thin," I thought. At the time, I didn't think I did. I felt insecure. I still do.
Our society says your appearance matters. If you're a woman it matters more than almost anything. I hate to think that my years of education, work experience, character, and thoughts would not be valued by society as much as they are now if I were to gain weight. I know this as a woman and I hate it.
Our society says your appearance matters. If you're a woman it matters more than almost anything. I hate to think that my years of education, work experience, character, and thoughts would not be valued by society as much as they are now if I were to gain weight. I know this as a woman and I hate it.
98
Fat phobia impacts everyone in a culture. We abhor fat so much that even the thin are tortured by it.
17
Your last paragraph says it all, and is the absolute truth. You can be the smartest, funniest, nicest person ever, but if you are overweight, it counts for nothing. And, a person can have a face like a constipated weasel, but if SHE is thin and blonde, Men proclaim that she is " hot". Seriously.
27
Yes. I would love to see a Pt. II feature unpacking why women's weights so dominate our life experience — which this piece illustrate beautifully. I feel it; we all feel it. But the CEOs of the companies I've worked for — both men 30-50 lbs overweight — I don't think they feel it. Probably, they recognize they're overweight, but with the significance we might place on not reading enough books or volunteering, or dressing as sharply as we'd like. Maybe it's time to push the conversation from giving up v. dying trying, to forcing open this middle path to women as well as men.
As is, what do you think 30lbs+ would do to your career?
As is, what do you think 30lbs+ would do to your career?
1. Eat only salad.
2. Drink only water.
3. Exercise daily.
2. Drink only water.
3. Exercise daily.
3
1. Read the comments
2. Listen to what they're saying
3. Learn
2. Listen to what they're saying
3. Learn
14
Where's the protein? You also need fat.
6
Brilliant! I finally pressed "unsubscribe" on my Weight Watchers apps, and gave up my treasured Lifetime membership. I put the scale in my closet and for the first time in 50 years I don't step on it every morning to let it determine how I feel about myself that day. When I'm on the bike at the gym and it asks me to enter my weight for accurate calorie counts, I can't, because I DONT KNOW! Maybe my clothes are a little tighter, but if they get too tight, I'll buy a bigger size. I eat right, I exercise, I have a martini every evening. But in my mind, I'm still counting points. Am I hungry, or do I know, deep inside, I'm still allowed a little more? Do I want it, or just know I can have it? What is normal eating anyway? What is a normal weight, for me, anyway? Have I just spent a lifetime having my appetite dictated by societal forces? What is it like to just live my life? Not sure I know. I'd like to find out.
15
Part of the problem is that people define "dieting" as a separate action than "normal eating." If you are overweight, your "normal eating" is not working for you. Going on a "diet" then returning to "normal eating" won't work either.
There are few, if any, adults that can eat anything they want and stay at a healthy weight. Call it dieting, call it cutting back, call it healthy eating, but if you can't control your weight without taking some action. For some, periodic dieting can work; for others, focusing on daily food choices has the most effect.
Neither "fat-shaming" nor "thin-shaming" should be acceptable, but in today's horrifically intolerant and rude society, making nasty comments about others' appearances seems to be the preferred method to feel better about ourselves.
There are few, if any, adults that can eat anything they want and stay at a healthy weight. Call it dieting, call it cutting back, call it healthy eating, but if you can't control your weight without taking some action. For some, periodic dieting can work; for others, focusing on daily food choices has the most effect.
Neither "fat-shaming" nor "thin-shaming" should be acceptable, but in today's horrifically intolerant and rude society, making nasty comments about others' appearances seems to be the preferred method to feel better about ourselves.
14
There definitely are adults who can eat whatever they want and not gain. I know two of them, one a 53 year old man and the other a 78 year old woman. Both eat whatever they want in large quantities and never skip dessert, yet they do not gain. Others diet, deprive themselves, live on salads and black coffee, and cannot lose weight. The key is energy metabolism, which science is only beginning to understand. Why do some become insulin resistant while others do not? When we figure that out, we will have a really effective way to address obesity for the long term, and see it for the medical problem it is.
I'm sure this quote is from an old NYT article but it describes the voice in your head: "Were we to meet this figure socially, as it were, this accusatory character, this internal critic, we would think there was something wrong with him. He would just be boring and cruel. We might think that something terrible had happened to him. That he was living in the aftermath, in the fallout of some catastrophe. And we would be right."
Here's to hope you can shut off your internal critic. You obviously have incredible intelligence, emotional depth and talent.
Here's to hope you can shut off your internal critic. You obviously have incredible intelligence, emotional depth and talent.
14
Why would anyone eat product (and I do mean 'product' and not 'food') from companies that have 'chief science officers', and 'global head of consumer insights'?
13
Thank you, Taffy, for writing a very personal, thoughtful and informative article. As a currently fat person who has lost and regained 50 pounds many times, I really appreciate it. You are not alone in your befuddlement. It's not you or your brain ~ what you write of really is a mystery. Why God has chosen to keep this a mystery to us is unknown.
My own approach now is to take extreme baby steps ~ focusing on stopping eating now at 6 pm. And making whatever good choices I can during the day. Asking myself after each bite, "Does this feel good?" "Is this what my body wants?" Because, fact is, my body doesn't really want the stuff I normally feed it; those things are for my brain and my psyche.
Learning to love yourself through it may be what this is about. As hard as that is, that is important and should not be neglected. Peace.
My own approach now is to take extreme baby steps ~ focusing on stopping eating now at 6 pm. And making whatever good choices I can during the day. Asking myself after each bite, "Does this feel good?" "Is this what my body wants?" Because, fact is, my body doesn't really want the stuff I normally feed it; those things are for my brain and my psyche.
Learning to love yourself through it may be what this is about. As hard as that is, that is important and should not be neglected. Peace.
14
Nice. Thank you.
1
So relatable! Beautifully written!
The truth is the desires to be thin doesn’t go away. I’ve tried to rationalize my desire away countless times. It always resurfaced.
I’ve tried everything under the sun, including WW.
Nothing has worked like MyBodyTutor.com. The key, as I've learned from MBT, is to focus on why you're eating. When you focus on why you're eating, it's a lot easier to change what you're eating.
It's not that I don't know what to do! It's that I couldn't do it consistently. I'd start off strong and eventually lose steam and revert back to my old ways. MBT was the only thing that was able to keep me interested, and most importantly, progressing until I reached my goal of losing 75 pounds.
I feel like I can easily keep the weight off too. I'm a different person with a completely different mindset and habits along with a new relationship with food. That's critical. Everything I've tried in the past got harder as time went on.
It’s because I was relying solely on willpower. With MyBodyTutor it got easier as time went on. I can't recommend it enough to anyone who wants to lose weight, and most importantly, keep it off.
Regardless of what you choose, if you aren't where you want to be, get some help. You are worth it! You don’t have to settle for “acceptance” and tell yourself you’re happy when you’re not. I’m so proud of the way I look and feel. I finally feel like my outside matches my inside, and I’m thrilled I didn’t just “accept” where I was.
The truth is the desires to be thin doesn’t go away. I’ve tried to rationalize my desire away countless times. It always resurfaced.
I’ve tried everything under the sun, including WW.
Nothing has worked like MyBodyTutor.com. The key, as I've learned from MBT, is to focus on why you're eating. When you focus on why you're eating, it's a lot easier to change what you're eating.
It's not that I don't know what to do! It's that I couldn't do it consistently. I'd start off strong and eventually lose steam and revert back to my old ways. MBT was the only thing that was able to keep me interested, and most importantly, progressing until I reached my goal of losing 75 pounds.
I feel like I can easily keep the weight off too. I'm a different person with a completely different mindset and habits along with a new relationship with food. That's critical. Everything I've tried in the past got harder as time went on.
It’s because I was relying solely on willpower. With MyBodyTutor it got easier as time went on. I can't recommend it enough to anyone who wants to lose weight, and most importantly, keep it off.
Regardless of what you choose, if you aren't where you want to be, get some help. You are worth it! You don’t have to settle for “acceptance” and tell yourself you’re happy when you’re not. I’m so proud of the way I look and feel. I finally feel like my outside matches my inside, and I’m thrilled I didn’t just “accept” where I was.
1
What a powerful piece, Taffy.
You’ve clearly defined the despair that so many of us have felt over lifetimes of trying to eat right, exercise, starve ourselves, etc. I feel I have a solid grasp of nutrition and health, but I often wish I could sit down to eat without analyzing every item on my plate. Eating should not lead to self-loathing. My new mantra is: “eat wonderful food and enjoy every bite.”
You’ve clearly defined the despair that so many of us have felt over lifetimes of trying to eat right, exercise, starve ourselves, etc. I feel I have a solid grasp of nutrition and health, but I often wish I could sit down to eat without analyzing every item on my plate. Eating should not lead to self-loathing. My new mantra is: “eat wonderful food and enjoy every bite.”
5
Unclear? 5 feet 3 inches and 110 pounds? How is that overweight? What?
9
The fear of 'not thin enough' happens to many teens regardless of their weight.
7
Of course. But perhaps it would be wise to mention that at that point, she was not overweight, and thus was prone her whole life from a kind of dysmorphia?
We have no idea, really, that I can find in this piece, of whether the author is 'overweight' or not, now.
We have no idea, really, that I can find in this piece, of whether the author is 'overweight' or not, now.
3
@Concerned Mother. Of what relevance is the author's weight in relationship to the article? Do you ask the same question of all journalists' articles?
2
As a woman in her 40s who also never "learned to eat" who had a mother, now deceased, who controlled her weight with smoking, I read this article wishing for a far more "woke" conclusion.
The piece touches on some key points about the tyranny of diet culture and how it is an effective force in commanding women's (and men's) attention away from far more important issues. The weight of diet culture on consciousness is far more insidious than any body weight.
If you are just exhausted by it all--and you probably are if you're reading the comments--I recommend two podcasts that have changed my thinking about "body politics": Food Psych by Christy Harrison, and Fearless Rebelle Radio by Summer Innanen. (I tunes or wherever you get your podcasts)
Both podcasts feature leaders in the "anti-diet culture" sphere. Two writers that will fill you in on the deeper politics on the subject are Sonya Renee Taylor (book will be released soon) of The Body is Not an Apology, and Virgie Tovar, who has a new TED talk.
The piece touches on some key points about the tyranny of diet culture and how it is an effective force in commanding women's (and men's) attention away from far more important issues. The weight of diet culture on consciousness is far more insidious than any body weight.
If you are just exhausted by it all--and you probably are if you're reading the comments--I recommend two podcasts that have changed my thinking about "body politics": Food Psych by Christy Harrison, and Fearless Rebelle Radio by Summer Innanen. (I tunes or wherever you get your podcasts)
Both podcasts feature leaders in the "anti-diet culture" sphere. Two writers that will fill you in on the deeper politics on the subject are Sonya Renee Taylor (book will be released soon) of The Body is Not an Apology, and Virgie Tovar, who has a new TED talk.
2
Not much mention of moving and breathing, otherwise known as exercise! Better yet: Eat Less, Exercise More, Eat Nutrients [from whole foods], Taste [eat more slowly] And Reward Yourself [cheat occasionally]: It's ELEMENTARY™.
6
Taffy, we are one and the same. I cannot express how much I identify with this point for point. Your takeaways are gorgeous and enlightening. I will try to "just be" with all of this today.
P.S. 5 years ago as I was crossing Park Ave at 54th I encountered a trucker turning onto Park Ave. Frustrated that I was walking and not running across the street, he yelled out the window, "Why don't you go and eat a cheeseburger." I crumbled, despondent. Not everyone knows what that feels like: the possibility that his self-centered hatred was confirming my deepest self-loathing and weakness. And I, too, am a solidly successful, happily married, evolved feminist. Oy.
P.S. 5 years ago as I was crossing Park Ave at 54th I encountered a trucker turning onto Park Ave. Frustrated that I was walking and not running across the street, he yelled out the window, "Why don't you go and eat a cheeseburger." I crumbled, despondent. Not everyone knows what that feels like: the possibility that his self-centered hatred was confirming my deepest self-loathing and weakness. And I, too, am a solidly successful, happily married, evolved feminist. Oy.
12
Any article on obesity or weight loss that does not mention the ketogenic diet, low-carb-high-fat (LCHF), or the work of Dr. Robert Lustig, Dr. Jason Fung, Dr. Andreas Eenfeldt, and/or Gary Taubes is either biased or under researched.
Considering that diabetes and its accompanying conditions kill people, it is dangerous as well not to mention these subjects/people. These people and ways of eating are saving lives by reversing diabetes. If but for the fact our existing institutions both public and private ( like WW ) are making $$$, off of obesity and diabetes etc, more people would know about the topics and names I mentioned.
I would urge anyone reading this who has diabetes or a weight problem they want to overcome to research the names and topics listed above. I've lost family members to the diseases of obesity. However, I've reclaimed my life and lost over 50lbs and anyone, _anyone_ can do it, for free.
Considering that diabetes and its accompanying conditions kill people, it is dangerous as well not to mention these subjects/people. These people and ways of eating are saving lives by reversing diabetes. If but for the fact our existing institutions both public and private ( like WW ) are making $$$, off of obesity and diabetes etc, more people would know about the topics and names I mentioned.
I would urge anyone reading this who has diabetes or a weight problem they want to overcome to research the names and topics listed above. I've lost family members to the diseases of obesity. However, I've reclaimed my life and lost over 50lbs and anyone, _anyone_ can do it, for free.
8
From the study "Low Protein Intake is Associated with a Major Reduction in IGF-1, Cancer, and Overall Mortality in the 65 and Younger but Not Older Population" :
"Respondents (n=6,381) aged 50–65 reporting high protein intake had a 75% increase in overall mortality and a 4-fold increase in cancer and diabetes mortality during an 18 year follow up period. These associations were either abolished or attenuated if the source of proteins was plant-based. "
They thought maybe some of the people who ate a lot of protein might be doing so because they had diabetes, and maybe that was why there were more deaths from diabetes in the high-protein group.
So they looked at people who didn't have diabetes at the start of the study. Among those people,
"those in the high protein group had a 73-fold increase in risk ..., while those in the moderate protein category had an almost 23-fold increase in the risk of diabetes mortality"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3988204/
It could be that the low-carb high-fat diet *causes* diabetes.
For a good critique of Gary Taubes, see http://reason.com/archives/2003/03/01/big-fat-fake
"Respondents (n=6,381) aged 50–65 reporting high protein intake had a 75% increase in overall mortality and a 4-fold increase in cancer and diabetes mortality during an 18 year follow up period. These associations were either abolished or attenuated if the source of proteins was plant-based. "
They thought maybe some of the people who ate a lot of protein might be doing so because they had diabetes, and maybe that was why there were more deaths from diabetes in the high-protein group.
So they looked at people who didn't have diabetes at the start of the study. Among those people,
"those in the high protein group had a 73-fold increase in risk ..., while those in the moderate protein category had an almost 23-fold increase in the risk of diabetes mortality"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3988204/
It could be that the low-carb high-fat diet *causes* diabetes.
For a good critique of Gary Taubes, see http://reason.com/archives/2003/03/01/big-fat-fake
2
Keto is not a high protein diet. Here is an study from the same publication you cite indicating that Keto is beneficial to diabetics.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1325029/
Here is another:
http://diabetes.jmir.org/2017/1/e5/
The "critique" you site is from reason.com - a Libertarian magazine that has been staunchly anti-NYTimes. That doesn't mean the author's opinion isn't worth reading, but it's not as though it's a scientific critique. It's also from almost 15 years ago.
Know your sources.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1325029/
Here is another:
http://diabetes.jmir.org/2017/1/e5/
The "critique" you site is from reason.com - a Libertarian magazine that has been staunchly anti-NYTimes. That doesn't mean the author's opinion isn't worth reading, but it's not as though it's a scientific critique. It's also from almost 15 years ago.
Know your sources.
3
What a great essay. About 50 years ago I went on my first "diet" thinking I was fat, but I wasn't, just more curvy than teens my age. Like many who have commented, I have been through periods of active dieting, periods of "acceptance," & periods of not giving a rat's patootie. Each period of weight gain brought me to a new weight high. Three years ago I decided once again to diet, due to real health concerns, and over the course of 18 months lost about 50 pounds. The next 18 months have seen me regain 20. Keeping meticulous data for almost 2 years, I determined that if I walked 30 miles a week & did heavy weight lifting 2-3 times a week I could "maintain" at 1600 calories a day. Yeah, well that has not been a realistic maintenance plan for a whole host of reasons. Some days I shrug and go with the flow, other days I cannot. In April of this year I re-engaged with the exercise routine to maintain at my then-current weight, which is 15# above the upper cut-off for "normal BMI." Up until two weeks ago, I was lifting heavy iron and walking on my "active recovery" days and pondering that advancing age will not let me maintain this schedule for ever. Then I had a fall and have been sidelined nursing contusions and abrasions and thanking the spirits that I didn't tear ligaments or fracture bones. And I have gained 2 pounds. Weighing food and counting calories gets REALLY old, too.
I loved this article, my husband goes on Weight Watchers periodically, he loses the weight and when he stops, he gains it all back again. However, if you sit outside a pizza place, you will see fat and obese folks taking the pizza home. Same if you sit inside an ice cream store. Or, McDonalds. Have you sat inside a McDonald's recently? You can live without fast food. The salt and sugar is addictive. It takes time, but it's possible to rid your body of the taste. I see parents feeding pizza to their children and I cringe. Our country is obsessed with food. If you are trying to lose weight, you see commercials on T.V. and in magazines of food and it's like torture. What's the answer? I have no idea!
4
If you sit outside a pizza place, an ice cream store, or a fast food restaurant and observe objectively, you will see people of all shapes and sizes enter and exit. If you are focused on seeing only the overweight or obese, that is all you will see.
6
That is simply not true.
We had this argument at work once, and decided we would settle this by going to the local fast food eatery and doing a head count of who was in there eating.
There were only 1-2 fat people, and they were eating SALADS. Most of the people eating lunch there were either male blue collar workers (normal weight or slim) and mothers with young children (mostly slim or average weight).
There was no mass of fat people eating there.
Sometimes without objective studies, we see what we WANT to see. One poster here claims he "goes to fast food places all the time" but "only to read the calorie counts on the menus" and of course, to gawk at the disgusting fast people eating hamburgers.
Not to eat, or socialize. He claims to go ALL THE TIME, simply to check out fat people. IS THAT NORMAL BEHAVIOR TO YOU?
We had this argument at work once, and decided we would settle this by going to the local fast food eatery and doing a head count of who was in there eating.
There were only 1-2 fat people, and they were eating SALADS. Most of the people eating lunch there were either male blue collar workers (normal weight or slim) and mothers with young children (mostly slim or average weight).
There was no mass of fat people eating there.
Sometimes without objective studies, we see what we WANT to see. One poster here claims he "goes to fast food places all the time" but "only to read the calorie counts on the menus" and of course, to gawk at the disgusting fast people eating hamburgers.
Not to eat, or socialize. He claims to go ALL THE TIME, simply to check out fat people. IS THAT NORMAL BEHAVIOR TO YOU?
2
I just want to say how much I love everything that Taffy Brodesser-Akner writes, and this is no exception. Thank you for publishing this!
9
Semantics aside, Weight Watchers is, when correctly implemented, behavior modification with community support. It is a very effective retraining program. I know people who have maintained their WW-coached weight loss for decades. Yes, politics around body fat percentage have changed since the 1960s, but I think people have also changed in their expectations for quick fixes. Fewer have the patience and trust to enter a program that works as slowly as traditional WW does. They want the immediate weight drop (mostly water) of a fast, or the (unhealthy and unsustainable) rapid reduction that comes with a meat and fat diet with near-zero carbs. They want weight loss without work. They want that brag shot they can upload on Instagram.
Unfortunately, what I see among many of the food-and-health obsessed is a sort of religious zealotry and a disturbing neediness. It's unhealthy in more ways than just metabolism. I see women who use their often illogical lists of dietary restrictions to make them feel special, and to wield control. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, this is one way you can redirect that dissatisfaction.
Unfortunately, what I see among many of the food-and-health obsessed is a sort of religious zealotry and a disturbing neediness. It's unhealthy in more ways than just metabolism. I see women who use their often illogical lists of dietary restrictions to make them feel special, and to wield control. If you are unhappy with yourself and your life, this is one way you can redirect that dissatisfaction.
10
About 7 years ago, I did a strategic analysis of Weight Watchers' systems and reasons for its enduring success, while earning my MBA. Every analysis, even from quants, indicated the secret to the firm's success was the support-group model. However, to paraphrase Marshall Goldsmith's book, "What Got You Here Won't Get You There," the firm itself got lazy and greedy. I know from personal and professional experience: I lost 60 pounds on WW and have kept it off for 7 years, but abandoned the program 4 years ago.
From a professional perspective, and with all due respect to Gary Foster, the constant customer churn and outright mass exodus from the brand are due to WW lack of consistent customer service on the online website that many dieters use, the annual changing of the points system, which is what truly drove me away, and the reliance on a group model that is the antithesis of the more "you-go-girl" paradigms that contemporary women want. A recent WW meeting I attended out of curiosity repulsed me, the moderator handing out stickers for "good" behavior to grown women (all over 55), and treating us as if we had substance-abuse issues. It was degrading, infantilizing, and a never-again deal breaker for me.
What works for me now is an app that tracks food & exercise points much more efficiently, effectively and cheaply - one of countless copycats of WW's so-called proprietary system. It's so easy, esp. since I work full time. No stickers or meetings!
From a professional perspective, and with all due respect to Gary Foster, the constant customer churn and outright mass exodus from the brand are due to WW lack of consistent customer service on the online website that many dieters use, the annual changing of the points system, which is what truly drove me away, and the reliance on a group model that is the antithesis of the more "you-go-girl" paradigms that contemporary women want. A recent WW meeting I attended out of curiosity repulsed me, the moderator handing out stickers for "good" behavior to grown women (all over 55), and treating us as if we had substance-abuse issues. It was degrading, infantilizing, and a never-again deal breaker for me.
What works for me now is an app that tracks food & exercise points much more efficiently, effectively and cheaply - one of countless copycats of WW's so-called proprietary system. It's so easy, esp. since I work full time. No stickers or meetings!
8
Here's the cycle:
-People overeat and become clinically obese because they are self-medicating feelings of shame, anxiety, anger, regret.
-Once obese, they set out to treat the symptoms and get caught in the morass of diet programs, constantly shifting diet advice, etc.
-Over the years, they wreak havoc on their psyche and their metabolism.
-Any weight lost is almost always regained; they remain obese.
Overweight/obesity is caused by one thing: overeating. Overeating is a symptom of a psych issue. Address the psych issues and set yourself free so you can stop overeating.
*we all have psych issues, btw; they just don't cause all of us to overeat (they cause other behaviors instead).
-People overeat and become clinically obese because they are self-medicating feelings of shame, anxiety, anger, regret.
-Once obese, they set out to treat the symptoms and get caught in the morass of diet programs, constantly shifting diet advice, etc.
-Over the years, they wreak havoc on their psyche and their metabolism.
-Any weight lost is almost always regained; they remain obese.
Overweight/obesity is caused by one thing: overeating. Overeating is a symptom of a psych issue. Address the psych issues and set yourself free so you can stop overeating.
*we all have psych issues, btw; they just don't cause all of us to overeat (they cause other behaviors instead).
8
yes, yes, yes, confront one's emotions (sounds easy but oddly much harder for people than doing battle with one's body by "dieting")
3
Wow. You are 100% correct. Respect.
3
Utterly and completely untrue, Honeybee. Educate yourself. Start with by studying the thyroid. Then the pituitary. Then the adrenals. Then the liver.
I was a kid in high school when we still understood that Underweight was a deviation from Healthy, just as Overweight is. Since then, media messages have helped push the false belief that Underweight people -- people with Hyperactive thyroids -- are normal, making even bodies of average, medium weight & proportion "fat" in the eyes of disordered minds.
I write about this painful subject because I see parents tormenting young children -- especially girls -- about "staying skinny," right at the time when their bodies desperately need bigger meals to grow.
Study the facts about how the body actually functions and you will learn that people who pack on the pounds do not do so because they are "overeating," but because they have an undiagnosed medical condition that requires treatment -- and may indeed be difficult to treat.
Obsession is also a mental illness, as are most eating disorders.
I was a kid in high school when we still understood that Underweight was a deviation from Healthy, just as Overweight is. Since then, media messages have helped push the false belief that Underweight people -- people with Hyperactive thyroids -- are normal, making even bodies of average, medium weight & proportion "fat" in the eyes of disordered minds.
I write about this painful subject because I see parents tormenting young children -- especially girls -- about "staying skinny," right at the time when their bodies desperately need bigger meals to grow.
Study the facts about how the body actually functions and you will learn that people who pack on the pounds do not do so because they are "overeating," but because they have an undiagnosed medical condition that requires treatment -- and may indeed be difficult to treat.
Obsession is also a mental illness, as are most eating disorders.
1
what does the word "false" mean after people's names & location?!
Anonymous.
1
in the 60s and 70s people were rail thin and over weight folks stood out like sore thumbs. now up to 90% of the population is " over fat" and close to 40% are obese. being fat has been completely destigmatized. I see no evidence whatsoever that people are obsessed with being thin
11
Thanks, Taffy. I am 67 and remember a time before fast food and supersized sugary drinks and fatty and salty food. Look at a film like "Caddy Shack", and you will see how skinny almost everyone was. Even Rodney Dangerfield was only mildly overweight.
Your comment that you don't know what to eat struck me. We are now learning what to eat: FIBER, HEALTHY FAT (olive oil, avocado, walnuts, pasture butter, coconut oil), lots of greens, free-range chicken, grass-fed beef, brown rice, sweet potatoes, etc. Etc. SPICES and aromatics like garlic make up for a lot of the taste people seek in salt and sugar. Think cheese on salad. Think tasty stews like osso bucco and braised lamb shanks. Think home-made broth made with meat bones saved in the freezer.
For me, the key is to spend time shopping and cooking and finding tasty recipes for high-nutritional foods that satisfy and fill you up.
Yes, I am thin in a family of fat people. But I have had my fatter, and definitely unhealthy years before I discovered low-glycemic, tasty cooking.
Applause for your high level of energy. I am a low energy person with severely arthritic knees, but have found joy in swimming, weight-lifting and walking.
Last tip: a cure for the "chopping disease" referring to all the peeling and chopping of ingredients for cooking is an audiobook! Audiobooks satisfy!
Your comment that you don't know what to eat struck me. We are now learning what to eat: FIBER, HEALTHY FAT (olive oil, avocado, walnuts, pasture butter, coconut oil), lots of greens, free-range chicken, grass-fed beef, brown rice, sweet potatoes, etc. Etc. SPICES and aromatics like garlic make up for a lot of the taste people seek in salt and sugar. Think cheese on salad. Think tasty stews like osso bucco and braised lamb shanks. Think home-made broth made with meat bones saved in the freezer.
For me, the key is to spend time shopping and cooking and finding tasty recipes for high-nutritional foods that satisfy and fill you up.
Yes, I am thin in a family of fat people. But I have had my fatter, and definitely unhealthy years before I discovered low-glycemic, tasty cooking.
Applause for your high level of energy. I am a low energy person with severely arthritic knees, but have found joy in swimming, weight-lifting and walking.
Last tip: a cure for the "chopping disease" referring to all the peeling and chopping of ingredients for cooking is an audiobook! Audiobooks satisfy!
4
This is an absolutely brilliant article. Brave. Honest. Heart wrenching and true. For everyone who struggles with hating the obsession of food and what to actually put in our bodies, and how what we eat and how we look defines us ... and the confusion of it all ... this article speaks to all of it without trying to fix it. So refreshing and lifegiving. Thank you.
3
This article was so beautifully written and the end note left me feeling a little choked up. Congrats on the new job! Seems like a very big deal.
3
As someone who has dieted since my teens and whose weight has fluctuated a lot I felt so much love and empathy for Taffy. I have always enjoyed running, and getting up early to run 5-6 miles a day kept me in the overweight BMI range but out of obesity without too much obsessing over food. But then I had issues with my teenager and couldn't get as much exercise and then I went for a run and broke my arm and couldn't run for an even longer period and gained too much weight such that like Taffy, my knees hurt! And it's so funny because I am now big enough that when I run people are always cheering me on -- advice to skinny people who run -- please do not patronize the rest of us -- it doesn't feel good to be praised by a stranger when you know it is only because they see you as fat. I have been running since I was 12, I don't need praise... But in order to get back to my exercise routine without knee pain I have taken the easy way out and started a medically supervised very low calorie diet (600-800 calories a day). I just can't wait over a year to lose the weight -- I need to get it off fast so I can use exercise and a better diet to keep it off. The worst part of this diet is that it's so low calorie that you aren't supposed to do much exercise and when I over exercise in a week I lose less weight which is frustrating. But if you want to take pressure off your knees, you can drop 15-20 lbs a month which is what I need to make my knees not hurt!
3
Oh I totally agree about the praise while running! I get it more these days because (I think) I am overweight and also gray-haired. I'd rather just be a runner like everybody else and would rather people don't single me out for praise.
2
I fall into the "skinny runner" category - have been running 40+ years - and get the occasional cheer from strangers. Maybe people are just expressing their admiration for runners/other runners/a good pace/overcoming weather conditions/getting out of the gym/exercise in general, rather than trying to comment on your age or weight?
So it's not occasional -- I have been running for 34 years, and these comments are much more frequent than anything I experienced when I was not as heavy and take a different form like: "good for you" directed at me while other runners are passing me and getting no comments.
This is easy-- I'm 45, and everyone my age knows a bunch of women in their 50s-80s who dieted their whole lives, talked about it incessently, and for the most part, didn't get any thinner or more fit than if they had not done so. They eat Yoplait with aspartame for breakfast, then nuke a Lean Cuisine for lunch, all while chattering about cake and cookies because they're obsessed with food and calories. They do this in front of our little girls, threatening to induce the same eating disorders we had as teens. Yes, it does make you want to learn to cook, eat real food, and focus on something other than "losing that last few pounds."
3
Tremendously worthwhile article, Taffy- thank you so much for putting your heart, soul, science and interviews together in such a way that reading this was like a book I couldn't put down.
As a Weight Watcher's lifetimer who is currently 5 lbs over and waiting to drop it before I walk back in, your words hit every nail on the head.
Hang in there, you are such a valuable woman!
As a Weight Watcher's lifetimer who is currently 5 lbs over and waiting to drop it before I walk back in, your words hit every nail on the head.
Hang in there, you are such a valuable woman!
1
You are ashamed of 5lbs?
1
@Dee -- WW lifetime membership, where you are exempt from fees, is dependent on being two pounds on either side of one's personal goal weight. The rationale is to reinforce the point that it takes work and accountability to maintain one's personal goal weight just as it does to lose it.
This is a wonderful article, as many comments have said. What makes it wonderful, and what its essential truths are, show less consensus. I believe the greatest insight (and the one that extends to so many other issues in life) is recognition of the *duality*: "It is terrible to tell people to try to be thinner; it is ALSO terrible to tell them that wanting to lose weight is hopeless and wrong....For the first time, I began to think that this was something worth being made crazy over. Our bodies deserve our thoughts AND our kindness, our acceptance AND our striving," (caps mine). And then, it's just dang well-written. Thank you, Ms. Brodesser-Akner.
7
My mother was always morbidly obese but never had any other health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure and related ailments.
The doctors always catered to her and told her that she was fine and that her weight was manageable.
Now she's 80 years old and still kicking! She also needs a hoist and two nurses to get out of bed into her wheelchair. Her feet are turned sideways from the weight. The nurses put pressurized hose on her legs every day just to get the blood and liquid out of her legs and back into her circulatory system. She's too big for a bedpan, so she just uses a diaper.
If you're morbidly obese but otherwise healthy, this is what you have to look forward to.
The doctors always catered to her and told her that she was fine and that her weight was manageable.
Now she's 80 years old and still kicking! She also needs a hoist and two nurses to get out of bed into her wheelchair. Her feet are turned sideways from the weight. The nurses put pressurized hose on her legs every day just to get the blood and liquid out of her legs and back into her circulatory system. She's too big for a bedpan, so she just uses a diaper.
If you're morbidly obese but otherwise healthy, this is what you have to look forward to.
12
Healthy? Perhaps you are confusing health with alive. Edema, need for nurses, diaper, hoist. Interesting perspective on health.
1
Thank you for writing this. I have lost significant amounts of weight about 4 times throughout my life but it always seems to find me.
1
Beautiful Writing. Amazing.
1
All animals have a drive to eat. Without such a drive we starve and die. If we look at our drive to drink water when thirsty we get a glimpse at the power of such drives. Put some one in a desert and they will think and obsess about water constantly. The same happens for people and food. It's just that we can go longer without food than water so we are less conscious of the drive to eat than we are of the drive to hydrate. So where do these drives come from? The truth is we don't really know. We have a few metabolic and neuroendocrine players we believe are involved but how they really all work is just not known yet. From an evolutionary perspective we might theorize that the genetics that control these drives to eat and the revving up and down of metabolism are probably highly varied. They are also probably multiple systems working to make sure our human animal doesn't starve. We just don't know how it all works.
The problem for those of us with excess adiposity is that human's have a strong drive to have answers to how things work. And we tend to make up those answers rather than admit we don't know. The science is very clear that "calories in = calories out" is not a complete weight loss equation nor a remotely accurate model of the physiology of obesity. It's like Einstein saying, E=Mc...when of course it's E=Mc2. Nevertheless we treat those with adiposity as "glutenous or emotionally damaged." Failure to lose weight is blamed on personal weakness not faulty treatment.
The problem for those of us with excess adiposity is that human's have a strong drive to have answers to how things work. And we tend to make up those answers rather than admit we don't know. The science is very clear that "calories in = calories out" is not a complete weight loss equation nor a remotely accurate model of the physiology of obesity. It's like Einstein saying, E=Mc...when of course it's E=Mc2. Nevertheless we treat those with adiposity as "glutenous or emotionally damaged." Failure to lose weight is blamed on personal weakness not faulty treatment.
2
I attended Weight Watchers for over 5 years, and lost 100 pounds. Then they closed the Weight Watchers in my town;I had to travel to another town. The only meetings I could go to were weekends;about that time my mother began her decline, so I could not attend every week. The staff at that Weight Watchers were not very nice about that-it did not matter because that Weight Watthers closed too. My mother finally died, and I was in a serious accident. Now, I can travel 2 towns away to go to Weight Watchers 1 day a week in a hotel,or travel 3 towns away to another Weight Watchers center. They shot themselves when they closed their centers and tried to push people onto the internet.
1
I can relate to the author's struggle with food and have come to believe that food is my drug of choice, especially foods containing sugar. I have found mental and spiritual support through Overeaters Anonymous (free)for the past 17 years and have found a way of eating (vegan) that keeps me satisfied, energetic, and very healthy. My recent checkup revealed optimal levels of cholesterol and blood sugar. I think that for most obese and overweight people fat is the external expression of mental anguish, fear, and anxiety. I've lost 35 pounds and love what I eat. Give OA a monthlong try and take it from a meat lover, legumes, fruits and vegetables will keep you very full with minimal expense and will virtually eliminate your sugar cravings. In addition, a brisk walk 2 to 4 mile everyday will help with weight loss . There is no magic bullet but there are things that work and that are simple and inexpensive.
4
I joined Weight Watchers 44 years ago as an 18 year old. At that time the program was sparse and one had to slice a piece of bread in order to recreate a sandwich (nevermind about the mandatory once a week liver consumption). Well, I lost the weight and became a lifetime member. My group leader Sylvia explained to me that while I lost the weight I would never be "a skinny civilian". The 18 yr old didn't really process the message that I would come to fight a lifetime war. I gained and lost on multiple diets and multiple Weight Watchers re-registrations. Sylvia was right, I would be embroiled in a war with weight as well as self-deprecation regarding my inability to maintain the weight loss all my life. I don't know the answer but continue to "soldier on in my personal battle" yet I work towards also being kind to my older self.
2
Remember when Olestra came out and potato chips could be eaten at far fewer calories? The tag line became "Get your OWN bag" presumably so we could eat even higher volumes of empty calories.
Popular culture and modern lifestyles include ever-increasing portion sizes, ubiquitous sugar- and fat-laden treats, over-scheduling, high stress, and physical inactivity. What could go wrong?
What was previously unavailable has become normal, and THAT makes us fat unless we consciously strive to inject better awareness into our daily habits regarding food and activity. Yes, it's hard. However, it's a modern life skill necessary for healthier, less painful living and aging. How each of us goes about about doing that and what we tell ourselves while we're doing it is what makes us successful (or not) in achieving and maintaining a healthy weight.
Popular culture and modern lifestyles include ever-increasing portion sizes, ubiquitous sugar- and fat-laden treats, over-scheduling, high stress, and physical inactivity. What could go wrong?
What was previously unavailable has become normal, and THAT makes us fat unless we consciously strive to inject better awareness into our daily habits regarding food and activity. Yes, it's hard. However, it's a modern life skill necessary for healthier, less painful living and aging. How each of us goes about about doing that and what we tell ourselves while we're doing it is what makes us successful (or not) in achieving and maintaining a healthy weight.
2
Isn't America wonderful? We have an "ailment" or "disorder" for everything.. and right behind it there is a "treatment" to address whatever it is.. and that treatment costs money.
Taffy,
What an insightful, interesting and inspiring article. You are a treasure! Incomparable writing on a topic which is rarely given the depth and nuance many overweight people need to see. Thank you.
What an insightful, interesting and inspiring article. You are a treasure! Incomparable writing on a topic which is rarely given the depth and nuance many overweight people need to see. Thank you.
2
Taffy - I have some advice for you - keep on writing beautiful pieces like this one. That's all!
6
Overweight Americans, and to an increasing degree, Europeans and Australians (who are adopting American dietary excesses) are caught in an impossible bind. The culture dictates "thin is in", yet unhealthy food is all-present, 24/7. Dieting creates food-obsession, with resultant psychic stresses that are intolerable over the long term. Advertising broadcasts images of sexualized "fitness" that create unrealistic expectations in the average Joe or Jane of achieving an ideal body, slim and toned like a 20 year old. A recipe for frustration and recidivism, if not a nervous breakdown.
2
After a bunch of surgeries I needed following two cards accidents and 18 months of recovery, my orthopedist referred me to an Optifast program. I had gained 60 pounds while laid up, but had been athletic before my injuries. I lost 71 pounds in 12 weeks, went through the follow up program, and kept the weight off.
I was diagnosed with MS seven years later. After struggling with repeated massive doses of IV steroids, and weekly interferon injections for nearly two years, I landed in an intensive outpatient psychiatric program following a period of catatonia and severe, major depression. My weight returned (and then some) with my inactivity, occasioned by my total disability. But when I got better, Weight Watchers was there to help me: I lost 108 pounds over the course of a year's time, and I felt like I was in control of my life.
I wasn't. I am in control of my eating, but my life is like a proverbial runaway truck without brakes. I have learned that my body size does not define my worth, and that life is what is happening while you're making other plans. I'm happily married for 25 years; our son just graduated from college. My health is reasonable stable. One's clothing size really doesn't matter, except to models, actors, and the insecure.
I was diagnosed with MS seven years later. After struggling with repeated massive doses of IV steroids, and weekly interferon injections for nearly two years, I landed in an intensive outpatient psychiatric program following a period of catatonia and severe, major depression. My weight returned (and then some) with my inactivity, occasioned by my total disability. But when I got better, Weight Watchers was there to help me: I lost 108 pounds over the course of a year's time, and I felt like I was in control of my life.
I wasn't. I am in control of my eating, but my life is like a proverbial runaway truck without brakes. I have learned that my body size does not define my worth, and that life is what is happening while you're making other plans. I'm happily married for 25 years; our son just graduated from college. My health is reasonable stable. One's clothing size really doesn't matter, except to models, actors, and the insecure.
3
Best article I've ever read about weight. Thank you. Devastating that there are no answers.
5
A great psychic portrayal of what weight management is to a person. It's so many things in so many levels: health, self-esteem, societal acceptance, self-acceptance, trauma, an overwhelming mental fatigue of having to THINK every time you have to eat... It is not so simple as some of the less empathetic commentators have opined...
3
This is a wonderful article: thoughtful, funny, heart-breaking, well-researched, sensitive, and so honest. As someone who has always struggled with weight, who both wants to accept my overweight self as I am (especially as I read this today, on my 57th birthday), and who also knows that less weight feels better and is better for my health, I just want to thank Taffy Brodesser-Akner for writing this and for sharing her own struggles. I wish you well as you pass those window people who will always be eating cheeseburgers and fries with regular Dr. Peppers like it's nothing at all.
2
Sigh. Great article. Dieting is definitely dead. Having lost 60 pounds over 10 years ago (I weigh even less now) by not dieting and just walking I know that for me it was about, is about and will always be about managing my emotions.
Generalizing, and speaking of my own experience, women are taught to be nice and internalize negative feelings like anger (vs men who generally do not have this issue). I had to stop eating my feelings and eat when I was hungry. It was a journey. Still on it.
This model worked for my back pain as well.
Generalizing, and speaking of my own experience, women are taught to be nice and internalize negative feelings like anger (vs men who generally do not have this issue). I had to stop eating my feelings and eat when I was hungry. It was a journey. Still on it.
This model worked for my back pain as well.
5
I love this so much. I'm again working towards losing weight, this time to get off my blood pressure meds, stave off diabetes and live a long life with my 15 year old child. Currently spending too much money of Jenny Craig, thinking of switching to WW. And also swimming 4 times a week - a mile in an hour! Fully recovered from back surgery - pilates 2 days a week - can touch my toes again. It's a process and it's difficult and I don't want to do it but articles like this make it better. Not easier, just better. Thank you Ms. Akner.
2
Wasn't that a great read? Good luck on your journey. I think you'll like WW.
1
Real, not processed, food will help.
What a great writer. Depressing though.
4
Thoughtful article. Thank you for writing it.
2
The problem is not within those seeking to lose weight. Our society is overflowing with food, most of which is tainted with sugar and fat, and engineered to encourage binging. No one can go anywhere without facing smells of fries. No one can attend a school functions without facing plates of brownies.
Participating in society involves social eating- breaking bread. To not eat, is to socially withhold oneself.
It only takes 50 extra calories a day to gain 4 pounds a year. Those 50 extra calories are offered to everyone at least 10 times a day in hundreds of social situations. Those who stay thin have learned not to eat the food constantly be offered them. It is not easy- and it is definitely "a diet."
When entertaining thin upper middle class women, don't even plan on serving food. It is pointless.
Until society changes the amount of food shoved
In people's faces, diets will fail.
Participating in society involves social eating- breaking bread. To not eat, is to socially withhold oneself.
It only takes 50 extra calories a day to gain 4 pounds a year. Those 50 extra calories are offered to everyone at least 10 times a day in hundreds of social situations. Those who stay thin have learned not to eat the food constantly be offered them. It is not easy- and it is definitely "a diet."
When entertaining thin upper middle class women, don't even plan on serving food. It is pointless.
Until society changes the amount of food shoved
In people's faces, diets will fail.
2
This is a fantastic article. Thank you.
2
I've always been thin and active - even as a kid (to the point of being ridiculed - I was referred to as "Q-Tip" - my head and feet being the swabs), but as I aged and approached menopause, I noticed some bulges that were not only visually displeasing "to me," but also made me physically uncomfortable. I decided to eat only when hungry (which may be only once a day really if you think about it) and exercise daily regardless of how much and weather conditions. I jog (not as far and fast as I used to) and have always hated it - that runner's high never surfaced - but know it does help my tummy and thighs/buttocks, and it does get me out of the house and, of course, it's free.
2
I recently spent a weekend with an old friend after growing apart for twenty or more years. As teenagers, I had the "ideal" skinny busty body. She was overweight, dieted, and went through anorexia. She went through breast implants, pain, and removal. Now, she is strong, thin and atheletic, I am chubby and restricted by joint injuries. She finds no pleasure in food, hates to cook, and avoids social meals.
We reminisced about old times, and she told me, what I already knew, it was terrible for her that men ignored her and fawned all over me. She cried. I explained how I wish I had not wasted so much time being the object of men's needs. I waited too long to start a family, and was"infertile". She has three beautiful children who love her so much.
I am happy in a body that resembles family portraits, I know how to dress well to cover flabs and rolls. I have enjoyed working as a chef and caterer, and love to feed people, and enjoy all the social pleasures of food. I am incredibly lucky I did not marry any of my early romances, and now have a kind and intelligent husband who loves me. I only wish I could move in my body without pain, and I try but injuries and bad habits accumulate.
My friend hikes for miles, rides long distance, does marathon with her daughters. She is single after three failed marriages, and feels that she has never ever been loved.
As she shared her feelings about what it meant to be compared to me, all those years ago, it was painful for both of us.
We reminisced about old times, and she told me, what I already knew, it was terrible for her that men ignored her and fawned all over me. She cried. I explained how I wish I had not wasted so much time being the object of men's needs. I waited too long to start a family, and was"infertile". She has three beautiful children who love her so much.
I am happy in a body that resembles family portraits, I know how to dress well to cover flabs and rolls. I have enjoyed working as a chef and caterer, and love to feed people, and enjoy all the social pleasures of food. I am incredibly lucky I did not marry any of my early romances, and now have a kind and intelligent husband who loves me. I only wish I could move in my body without pain, and I try but injuries and bad habits accumulate.
My friend hikes for miles, rides long distance, does marathon with her daughters. She is single after three failed marriages, and feels that she has never ever been loved.
As she shared her feelings about what it meant to be compared to me, all those years ago, it was painful for both of us.
5
Taffy, I'm just sending love and hope that you can find some peace and relief from your pain.
I think it's easier in the big cities to eat healthier, the options are there. I would also say cut the cord-constant commercials on network/cable tv espousing unhealthy, sugar laden processed foods is an issue.
Also, my biggest problem, and I'm sure others', is people. People feel threatened when you are eating healthy-plus everyone has opinion on what you should do. I say it's none of their business, do what works for you and forget others' agendas.
Also, my biggest problem, and I'm sure others', is people. People feel threatened when you are eating healthy-plus everyone has opinion on what you should do. I say it's none of their business, do what works for you and forget others' agendas.
1
When you first lose weight (exhibit healthy behavior) people react and test you - and then you must deal with that - but if you stay on your path the people in your life will stop feeling threatened.
2
Saudi Arabian Airlines has the rule that men are not allowed to sit next to a woman unless she is family. Why don't the US airlines follow the same rules so I get to enjoy all of my seat from takeoff to landing. Sitting next to a women these days is far from enjoyable.
1
Reminds me of that old joke: We may lose the weight but you'll always be ugly.
9
What does your comment mean?
4
When we hear the word "diet", we tend to think of it as a verb. Diet is also a noun and is defined as "the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats". When people habitually eat lots of fruits and vegetables, they can eat more food. The diet industry is huge because as soon as we are told we need to restrict ourselves by cutting back on calories, we become stressed. Stress makes us crave sugar, fat and salt. We can be "good" for awhile but eventually we give into the temptation. This creates the vicious cycle of dieting. We need to think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. If the majority of what we eat is high fiber, highly nutritious food, we can throw in a fatty, sugary treat once in awhile. If the pounds start creeping back, we need to be honest with ourselves and ask if the majority of what we're eating is fruits and veggies. Usually, the balance has shifted and we need to get back on track. Exercise helps to curb appetite because it lowers stress so make a point of doing an hour a day at least 5 days a week....try to get sweaty! When we feel good, we crave healthier food. Cook backwards. Go to the fruit and vegetable market or the produce section of the grocery store and buy a bunch of fruits and veggies, chickpeas, black beans, lentils etc. even if you have no idea what to do with them. Google recipes using different combinations of ingredients. Being involved in the preparation is satisfying.
2
"It was bad to be fat, and it was good to be thin, and fat people wanted to be thin, and thin people wanted to help them get there."
People of the US elevate an assortment of issues to, literally, "the meaning of life."
Many are relatively important (others, utterly vacuous), but very few merit the importance they receive.
People of the US elevate an assortment of issues to, literally, "the meaning of life."
Many are relatively important (others, utterly vacuous), but very few merit the importance they receive.
"Diets" don't work. They never will. Losing and keeping weight off is a life style change that one must commit to. It's not that complicated.
1
This is really fine, insightful writing. Bravo.
3
I find it interesting that while many of the comments agree with you, you're still getting loads of diet and exercise advice. Most of the overweight people I know are already familiar with all the advice, and some are experts in weight loss! Keeping it off is just seemingly impossible.
My husband lost 110 pounds about 8 years ago. He has managed to keep off 55 of it all these years. It is a constant struggle, and we both work hard to be as healthy as we can be without being neurotic or unreasonable.
My husband lost 110 pounds about 8 years ago. He has managed to keep off 55 of it all these years. It is a constant struggle, and we both work hard to be as healthy as we can be without being neurotic or unreasonable.
3
This article addresses some important issues. There are a few things I think may need consideration though. Firstly, weight loss isn't exclusively a woman's problem, and the tone of this article implies that very strongly. There is also no mention of the idea of various fat types, ie: brown fat, white fat, etc. And I don't believe the issue of changing dietary norms is addressed--there are simply more overweight people now than there were even 50 years ago, and there are important reasons for this.
As a tall, skinny person who never thought about weight and who has gained enough to need to lose (only about 30lb, peanuts for many people) I know my attitudes about food and dieting are probably very different than people who have battled all their lives. This article does voice many of the problems that people face. It's truly unfair that the world heaps scorn on folks who gain weight easily through no fault of their own. I also think that if mental health care were not so stigmatized people might find better ways to manage their stress and depression without resorting to the comfort of food.
As a tall, skinny person who never thought about weight and who has gained enough to need to lose (only about 30lb, peanuts for many people) I know my attitudes about food and dieting are probably very different than people who have battled all their lives. This article does voice many of the problems that people face. It's truly unfair that the world heaps scorn on folks who gain weight easily through no fault of their own. I also think that if mental health care were not so stigmatized people might find better ways to manage their stress and depression without resorting to the comfort of food.
2
Americans are lazy overall. I live in the city and use public transportation as well as walk when and where I can. Also eat healthy and refrain from fast food and junk snacks. And I am not kill joy at parties either. My doctor is happy with me and my weight for a 62 year old. While genes play a big role it is also a result of everyday maintenance which includes regularly working out for health and fitness. Many of my friends who are overweight or skinny and unfit, drive everywhere, snack constantly and always look for the closest parking space because they don't want to walk. It is what we do everyday that matters.
1
Losing weight is a silly metric. Gaining functionality in the body (strength and mobility) and eating Paleo-ish will cover 80% of your basic issues. I don't know why this all has to be so complicated. Walk more. Move more. Don't eat processed foods.
1
The unending food fight - that's what it is. We have too much available food and too little natural opportunities for exercise (agricultural labor). How many people drank sweet sodas in 1850? How many donuts, chips, ice cream, French fries, or Costco pizza could you purchase in 1850? We are the victims of our own culinary abundance, and we have gotten scientific in our capacity to addict ourselves to this stuff. If you want to stay fit and thin for the rest of your life, you will have to exercise and count your calories FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. You can do this any way you like - portion control, avoiding those donuts on the counter at work, avoiding that second or third glass of alcohol, etc. But you will do it 80-90% of the time, or you will be fat.
5
I am repeatedly astounded by Oprah's appetite for profiteering. Oprah is a self proclaimed person with Graves' Disease. Persons with this disease suffer on and off from the affliction which has no cure. It is a disorder which causes weight gain and loss without regard to eating habits per se. Many gorge on all manners of food at times when the disease is in full swing, only to see their size drop like Stephen King's Thinner. Then there are other times when no matter how little they eat or exercise, the weight packs on.
Weight Watchers is just the newest of snake oil style sales in which she immerses herself and it may not even be the most vile (though I can certainly appreciate how those who struggle with weight at this moment might argue otherwise).
Weight Watchers is just the newest of snake oil style sales in which she immerses herself and it may not even be the most vile (though I can certainly appreciate how those who struggle with weight at this moment might argue otherwise).
2
While I have a lot of respect for Oprah (she's successful despite her earlier challenges in life), I agree, when it comes to weight and thyroid issues, she sold herself out.
She doesn't understand (and apparently neither do her doctors) that thyroid problems never go away. Sure, you can keep them somewhat under "control" but basically, they control the person--and not just with the weight. I find it sad and infuriating that she keeps denying she has a thyroid problem. Sorry, Oprah, but you do and it will never leave you alone.
She doesn't understand (and apparently neither do her doctors) that thyroid problems never go away. Sure, you can keep them somewhat under "control" but basically, they control the person--and not just with the weight. I find it sad and infuriating that she keeps denying she has a thyroid problem. Sorry, Oprah, but you do and it will never leave you alone.
1
I admire your ability to extend the benefit of the doubt. I am disappointed you blame the doctors lack of knowledge - it doesn't take a medical degree to learn what GD is and what treatments are available. I am as certain as any stranger can be, that Oprah has highly competent doctors who tell her the truth in private. It would be a very dumb doctor who would allow their golden goose to die of ignorance. Highly unlikely - but possible? I will give you that - I read of a doctor who died an avoidable death clinging to her silly, discredited treatment. That's dedication!
There is a chasm of difference between "doesn't understand" and willful blindness. I am fairly certain she "understands". She also knows from hair raising public brushes with failure, that genuinely helping is much, much, much more difficult, hands on and time consuming than pretending to help. It is one thing to conduct a talk show with an "oh" moment. It is quite another to provide a genuine, safe, productive and transformative educational experience. Media Stars with maniacal egos willing to abuse the public trust for profit and adoration is the norm - not the exception. She's just leagues ahead of say, that blonde or that bright red Humpty Dumpty bully with a conspiracy pulpit.
There is a chasm of difference between "doesn't understand" and willful blindness. I am fairly certain she "understands". She also knows from hair raising public brushes with failure, that genuinely helping is much, much, much more difficult, hands on and time consuming than pretending to help. It is one thing to conduct a talk show with an "oh" moment. It is quite another to provide a genuine, safe, productive and transformative educational experience. Media Stars with maniacal egos willing to abuse the public trust for profit and adoration is the norm - not the exception. She's just leagues ahead of say, that blonde or that bright red Humpty Dumpty bully with a conspiracy pulpit.
Every edition of women's magazine includes some sort of weight loss/exercise program and a recipe for a glorious cake, pie or other sweet concoction. We reward accomplishment with food and comfort sorrow with food. We invented super-size and all you can eat buffet offerings. Every working mother has easy access to cheap, unhealthy fast food for dinner. No one has easy access to inexpensive healthy food.
This country glorifies consumption. We have an addiction to food.
Part of that addition is related to processed food that include unnecessary sugar, salt and fat to condition our taste buds to crave more. Again, these foods are quick, easy and cheap. Even high end restaurants follow this lead of huge portions and high salt, sugar and fat to feed these ingrained tastes.
Fighting any addition is difficult. Fighting an addiction to a substance you must consume everyday (food) is even harder.
We all need better education and choices. With education, a majority of Americans turned their backs on smoking. Maybe we can turn away from bad food.
This country glorifies consumption. We have an addiction to food.
Part of that addition is related to processed food that include unnecessary sugar, salt and fat to condition our taste buds to crave more. Again, these foods are quick, easy and cheap. Even high end restaurants follow this lead of huge portions and high salt, sugar and fat to feed these ingrained tastes.
Fighting any addition is difficult. Fighting an addiction to a substance you must consume everyday (food) is even harder.
We all need better education and choices. With education, a majority of Americans turned their backs on smoking. Maybe we can turn away from bad food.
4
" A skinny woman was eating a cupcake and talking on her phone, tonguing the icing as if she were on ecstasy."
WHAT? Sounds inaccurate, envious, and gross, and I am not skinny.
I could have done with a lot less authorial intrusion and life story, more statistics, and some discussion of the structural reasons why women living in a patriarchal society are obsessed with weight loss.
WHAT? Sounds inaccurate, envious, and gross, and I am not skinny.
I could have done with a lot less authorial intrusion and life story, more statistics, and some discussion of the structural reasons why women living in a patriarchal society are obsessed with weight loss.
2
That woman could have been me...but the author doesn't realize I eat about 1 cupcake a year. Not because I deprive myself, but because I don't crave sugar and cupcakes bore me. As for chowing down on a plate of french fries, I have to purposefully limit myself because salt/fat equals my crack. In any event, I'm not skinny, I'm "normal". It would be interesting to read about the lifestyles and diets of "normal" sized people, not just the battle between "skinny" and "fat".
2
Diet therapists should help people find what works for them. For some people it might be eating a lot of meat. For others, veganism is the way to go. For me it's being a vegetarian, eating lots of vegetables and practicing portion control with a digital scale. I exercise a lot too. I eat chocolate and a bit of frozen dessert every day. I love to cook and love food and I'm happy.
2
The weight-loss industry's best kept secret: To gain, eat more, exercise less. To lose, eat less and exercise more.
I loved reading this! I laughed, I cried, I nodded my head in agreement. Looking forward to reading more from Taffy!
2
Dear Taffy,
Thank you so much for being so generous and brave in telling your story and experience in our confusing culture.
Laura
Thank you so much for being so generous and brave in telling your story and experience in our confusing culture.
Laura
1
Not just confusing but so cruel. The paragraph describing unsolicited remarks was for me the most moving one in the article. Moved me to tears.
4
I have two children. Both became obese. One was diagnosed with the beginnings of fatty liver disorder - he took the problem to heart and lost 100 lbs. The other did not, but is a strident body acceptance crusader.
I guess you could say both are right for their own situations, except one of them will probably suffer many more long term health problems. Accept that which you cannot change, but change that which you can. Your length and quality of life might depend on it.
I guess you could say both are right for their own situations, except one of them will probably suffer many more long term health problems. Accept that which you cannot change, but change that which you can. Your length and quality of life might depend on it.
3
I wish there were something comforting to say. It's awful to feel so stuck. Thank you for writing this piece and making many people feel less alone.
3
Having struggled with my weight most of my life, and having felt always assaulted by the cult of thinness, I’m certainly sympathetic to Taffy’s plight. But I’m extremely dismayed by a cultural shift away the goal of achieving a healthy weight, and I’m particularly saddened to see Weight Watchers buying into this unproductive trend. I joined Weight Watchers ten years ago, and it has changed my life. I still have my ups and downs, to be sure, but Weight Watchers completely works. In my experience, it really does come to simple math: if you follow the program, and stick to the point system, you lose the weight. I started Weight Watchers around age 40 and for the first time in my life have more or less sustained a healthy weight ever since. I completely reject the criticism that Weight Watchers “only” works if you do it for life. That, to my mind, is precisely the point: Weight Watchers provides a lifelong system for portion control that counters the real problem, which is a relentless American propensity for over consumption. Anyone who has traveled abroad can attest to the cultural basis for our trouble. My husband and I were in Europe earlier this summer for two weeks, and we kept remarking on the fact that we saw virtually no obese people, and very few overweight people; whenever we did, they were invariably American. The fault is not in the stars but in ourselves.
5
Thank you for your wonderful and honest article. I am 56 years old and have been fighting obesity since I was a toddler. It is a relentless disease made even more awful by our fat phobic culture. The daily indignities and cruelty obese people face is shameful. I don't know what causes obesity but I strongly suspect the many chemicals that have polluted our air, water, soil and food play a major role. Would like to see support groups for obese people to help them simply survive in this cruel culture.
3
I took all the low-fat advice and struggled with my weight if I wasn't able to exercise 30-60 minutes every day with long runs or bike rides on the weekend. I was hungry all the time too. That's why WW and the 'eat less move more' advice fails so many people. I went low-carb high-fat (NOT ATKINS) and I have lost weight, kept it off, exercise 3-5x/week but don't gain if I don't exercise. I have been far less hungry, eat satiating foods that include *gasp* saturated fat.
The other factor is this incessant snacking with carbs. It keeps insulin high which drives fat storage and it's so hard not to over eat when you end up hungry all the time.
The other factor is this incessant snacking with carbs. It keeps insulin high which drives fat storage and it's so hard not to over eat when you end up hungry all the time.
2
1. I'm getting tired of claims that you can't keep weight off. You can't do it if you eat junk food -- been there, done that. You can if you don't. Pretty much anything low carb works for most of us to keep weight off without hunger or counting calories.
Studies on fat people who go for the first cookie they see (and I myself am one of those who has no control over sugar consumption) are discouraging people who really could lose weight. It can be done, but it can only be done with discipline. If you can't stay away from the Twinkies, don't whine.
2. It may be that there are some who, even if they eat an ideal diet and don't have something else that's causing weight gain (medication, hypothyroidism, etc.) really can't lose weight without constant hunger. I tend to doubt it, as these people benefit from stomach banding, but let's say it's true.
Until we can develop better diet drugs, the best and only solution for them *is to not gain weight in the first place.*
Obesity isn't natural to our species -- most primitives are lean and become fat only when they are introduced to a modern diet, with its lethally refined sugars and starches, and lose their parasite load. *We must intervene with these people when they start to become obese,* whether it's in childhood, or as older adults with slowing metabolism.
3. Let's drop the dangerous fiction that health and obesity are compatible. They are no more compatible than health and cigarettes.
Studies on fat people who go for the first cookie they see (and I myself am one of those who has no control over sugar consumption) are discouraging people who really could lose weight. It can be done, but it can only be done with discipline. If you can't stay away from the Twinkies, don't whine.
2. It may be that there are some who, even if they eat an ideal diet and don't have something else that's causing weight gain (medication, hypothyroidism, etc.) really can't lose weight without constant hunger. I tend to doubt it, as these people benefit from stomach banding, but let's say it's true.
Until we can develop better diet drugs, the best and only solution for them *is to not gain weight in the first place.*
Obesity isn't natural to our species -- most primitives are lean and become fat only when they are introduced to a modern diet, with its lethally refined sugars and starches, and lose their parasite load. *We must intervene with these people when they start to become obese,* whether it's in childhood, or as older adults with slowing metabolism.
3. Let's drop the dangerous fiction that health and obesity are compatible. They are no more compatible than health and cigarettes.
7
The author is 5 foot 3 and weighs 110 pounds (a weight most of us would kill for), and a doctor tells her he can't do anything about her ankle until she loses weight??? "Standards" like that are enough to drive anyone crazy1
1
You mis-read. She WAS not IS. This was when the author was 15 and followed a diet published in Shape Magazine. Been there, done that.
2
People who 'eat their feelings' will never lose weight and keep it off. If you fill the literal and existential hole in you with food, you have a bigger problem than being fat.
3
And most people in our society "eat their feelings" until they become aware of it and learn not to.
1
I've spent thousands of dollars and lost hundreds of pounds over the years on programs like weight watchers and beyond. I was still fat. Your article is brilliant. Weight isn't a moral struggle, it's an unanswered scientific mystery. I chose to have weight loss surgery, the duodenal switch procedure, lost 150 lbs of my 300 lb body and still steady at 12 years out. I was tired of beating myself up, of being beaten up by the know-it-all idiots who said it was my fault, and I felt I had exhausted every potential strategy medicine and charlatans had to offer. I knew my body would continue to fight every future effort. Naturally thin people don't get it. What works for their bodies doesn't work for mine. WW is a profitable company because you try, fail, and so you try again. Guaranteed repeat customers. Surgery works. Ended my diabetes, my joint pain, and my high blood pressure and my sense of failure at controlling weight. You have done a great service to all women and this piece represents the high quality of writing that is one of the reasons The New York Times remains my main source of real news.
10
Having struggled with losing weight, I know how difficult it is and how our society shames those who are not thin. Years ago, a book titled, "Diets Don't Work" by a physician awakened in me the....truth. Since I have been careful about what I eat, choosing mindfully what goes into my body. I believe that millions are obese because they're wounded souls who have not dealt with childhood wounds or the wounds of their lives. Food, is a drug for many. Sugar is as addictive as cocaine. So, we have a serious obesity epidemic. You may argue, that we've always had obese people, yes, but now food is everywhere, you can eat anything you want any time you want. Stuff your mouth, numb the pain, or distract it away.
I believe this is the bottom line, numbing. Let's get our experts to find a way to help heal the wounds and healing the soul will also heal the body.
I believe this is the bottom line, numbing. Let's get our experts to find a way to help heal the wounds and healing the soul will also heal the body.
1
Thank you for this. As someone who has just rejoined Weight Watchers, it wasn't exactly comforting, but it was thought-provoking and I felt as if Ms. Brodesser-Akner had reached inside my brain and identified my lifelong thoughts on and issues with food. Weight Watchers works, but only after you've resigned yourself to the fact that in order for it to work, you have to be "mindful" (the new world order of WW) about every single piece of food that you'll put in your mouth for the rest of your life. Is it a solution? Yes. Is it a solution that makes me jump for joy and gets me excited about the 40 years I have left on Earth? No, not in the slightest, but like Oprah said, I at least feel in control of myself again.
2
Seems very odd to me that physical exercise, which is far more enjoyable and sustainable than dieting (and thus, I believe, more effective from a weight loss perspective) goes essentially unmentioned in this otherwise insightful article.
5
It has been shown that without diet control, exercise programs are useless in the long run. All you have to do is look at the results of "The Biggest Loser" over time. People gain back weight. Some diets are sustainable- one of the most useful is the morning-fast one-meal-a-day approach. Don't expect any studies on these- no one makes any off them!
1
Physical exercise is more enjoyable. It does not help one loose weight. I can attest to that I swim 3 miles a week,do yoga 6 days a week and do cardio class twice a week. I have always exercised. I am overweight. I gain 5 lbs a year. i am almost to the obese range. I eat moderately as well.
Because the research shows that exercise simply is not associated with weight loss. While it is beneficial for your health in many ways, weight loss is NOT one of them. Diet is what affects weight.
I'm a woman in my sixties. When I was a teenager I was extremely heavy - 165 lbs at just over 5' tall. When I was 16, I decided I'd had enough. I stumbled upon something that helped me lose the weight and keep it off -- for fifty years now. I know my solution won't help everyone, but I do offer it as something that did work for me.
First, I deliberately lost the weight at a very slow pace. It took me over a year to lose 45 lbs. I lost the weight with a combination of two things -- changing my diet, and exercising. I can see the eye rolls, I know, you've tried this before, and it just hasn't worked.
But here's how I was able to make it work. I eat anything - literally anything - for breakfast and a late lunch. And then I eat nothing until the following day. All of my calories, be they from salads or cakes, are consumed in the daytime hours. As for exercise? Nothing extremely strenuous -- walking, cycling, a bit of free weights or resistance bands, but the key here is to do some exercise every single day, for at least one-half hour but usually one hour per day.
These two simple changes -- not eating in the evening, and daily exercise, no exceptions, have helped me keep 45 lbs off for the past 50 years. The only time I gained weight was during my pregnancy, and I was back into all of my clothes within four weeks of a c-section.
I know this regimen won't work for everyone, but it may work for some of you. And good luck -- it is possible to lose weight and keep it off.
First, I deliberately lost the weight at a very slow pace. It took me over a year to lose 45 lbs. I lost the weight with a combination of two things -- changing my diet, and exercising. I can see the eye rolls, I know, you've tried this before, and it just hasn't worked.
But here's how I was able to make it work. I eat anything - literally anything - for breakfast and a late lunch. And then I eat nothing until the following day. All of my calories, be they from salads or cakes, are consumed in the daytime hours. As for exercise? Nothing extremely strenuous -- walking, cycling, a bit of free weights or resistance bands, but the key here is to do some exercise every single day, for at least one-half hour but usually one hour per day.
These two simple changes -- not eating in the evening, and daily exercise, no exceptions, have helped me keep 45 lbs off for the past 50 years. The only time I gained weight was during my pregnancy, and I was back into all of my clothes within four weeks of a c-section.
I know this regimen won't work for everyone, but it may work for some of you. And good luck -- it is possible to lose weight and keep it off.
5
This regimen would, in fact, work for everyone and you are to be congratulated. Looks like you have patterned your life around a daily 8 hour eating "window." Some people would move that window forward and water-fast through to early afternoon.
Letting the stomach rest is important- as it will shrink down to a normal size. Also, 6 hours after eating a meal your body will revert to the fat-burning state in which the body functions best.
Letting the stomach rest is important- as it will shrink down to a normal size. Also, 6 hours after eating a meal your body will revert to the fat-burning state in which the body functions best.
4
This was an honest think-piece and gut-check for me, thank you.
A beautiful reminder why NOT throwing in the towel is a victory in itself.
I have been running 5Ks with my uncle for a few years -- he always asks why we still sign up for these things as he gets heavier, slower, and needs more walking time as the years go on. Lining up at the start line itself is a victory and sign of hope -- despite the time you finish the race in. I always ask him to think what things would be like if we gave up being on the start line. Thank you for the inspiration -- looking forward to more features!
A beautiful reminder why NOT throwing in the towel is a victory in itself.
I have been running 5Ks with my uncle for a few years -- he always asks why we still sign up for these things as he gets heavier, slower, and needs more walking time as the years go on. Lining up at the start line itself is a victory and sign of hope -- despite the time you finish the race in. I always ask him to think what things would be like if we gave up being on the start line. Thank you for the inspiration -- looking forward to more features!
5
A thoughtful analysis of the obesity epidemic should include the environmental effects of endocrine disruptors found in the waste stream. Substances such as bisphenols (and other similar substances) seem to be associated with the rise of insulin resistance among children as well as adults. A person may eat healthy, but if food packaging is unhealthy, will the healthy food then become unhealthy, too? If plastic residue pollutes the oceans, are these substances also affecting our health in ways yet unknown?
Great writing!
I gained 50 lbs with my second baby and 35 years later I'm only now back to pre-second-baby weight. Dieting makes me obsess about food so I gave up on it. I noticed that a simple thing such as one candy bar per day made the difference between gaining and losing, and one was easy to give up. And then a few more things worked such as developing an honest liking for flavored unsweetened seltzers. I'm lucky that worked. And that my husband is an exercise fanatic himself so we spend lots of time at it. But he's overweight despite exercising more religiously so exercise alone isn't it. I think that patience helps.
I gained 50 lbs with my second baby and 35 years later I'm only now back to pre-second-baby weight. Dieting makes me obsess about food so I gave up on it. I noticed that a simple thing such as one candy bar per day made the difference between gaining and losing, and one was easy to give up. And then a few more things worked such as developing an honest liking for flavored unsweetened seltzers. I'm lucky that worked. And that my husband is an exercise fanatic himself so we spend lots of time at it. But he's overweight despite exercising more religiously so exercise alone isn't it. I think that patience helps.
1
This is such a beautiful article. Thank you for taking the time to write it, and giving it the space it deserves.
2
What an amazing piece. As an instructor of food and psychology, my students and I spend a great deal of time discussing how complex and loaded food and eating can be. Anyone, regardless of weight or size, can relate to the vortex of emotions that dieting (or attempts to change the way one eats in order to feel better about oneself) can elicit as expounded by the writer, and how pervasive it can feel every minute of the day. This piece made me think about Jeff Gordinier's 2012 piece on mindful eating (which a student directed me to): http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/08/dining/mindful-eating-as-food-for-thou.... It's beautiful, and something that I wish we as a culture fostered from infancy onwards.
Weight loss, like weight gain, is at its core a psychological process. If those issues are not addressed, all diets will fail.
Taffy,
Thank you for this perfect article laying the truth bare on the daily and lifelong struggle to feel "worthy." Your experiences ring universal. I wish I knew how to navigate through it, but I don't. And until then I will continue to muddle through WW (again) hoping this time THIS time and I really mean THIS TIME I will can rewrite my body narrative.
Please keep writing on this topic - Allison
Thank you for this perfect article laying the truth bare on the daily and lifelong struggle to feel "worthy." Your experiences ring universal. I wish I knew how to navigate through it, but I don't. And until then I will continue to muddle through WW (again) hoping this time THIS time and I really mean THIS TIME I will can rewrite my body narrative.
Please keep writing on this topic - Allison
The physiology is there. Go to your doctor and hold him or her responsible for telling you the basics of weight gain and weight loss. One of the keys is to know that hunger is not your body demanding more fuel for the day ahead- you have weeks if not months' worth of "fuel" stored as fat. Hunger and your reaction to it is learned behavior- and it can be changed.
After a scary visit to my general practitioner in May, where I found out I was pre-diabetic and hypertensive and overweight at 215 pounds, my doctor prescribed meds for my blood pressure. I told her that I would not take them. After all, I had run marathons and considered myself an athlete and on top of that had been a vegetarian since 1974. I had an serious injury that required the reattachment of my right quad, and broke my foot that also required surgery. These two injuries ended my marathon career. I ran my last marathon at 50 years of age in 2004. When I ran that marathon I weighted 175 pounds. So I decided I would cure myself by dieting and getting back out on the road - walking even if I could not run. In a month, I dropped 7 pounds. Then in July of this year, I decided to accelerate this weight loss by becoming a total vegan. After a month as a vegan I am down to 193 pounds. But more importantly my blood pressure is down from 165 over 88 to 135 over 76. I am convinced that if people committed to becoming vegan, not only would it solve their weight problem, it would help address the environmental problem facing the planet, it would also help alleviate the health care cost crisis, and it would make us better people. You don't need drugs or Weight Watchers to become a vegan. Experience veganism!
2
Great journalism is both informative and entertaining. You did both beautifully with this article. Thank you for all your hard work.
1
My story is so similar. I'm 41, well loved and well respected, and I feel defeated by food. I appreciate this article and the insight into how to manage self-acceptance and weight loss.
3
This is an excellent article about a complex situation. I am not super overweight but I have worked at keeping pounds off to know that it is a much bigger challenge than I would ever have thought. My pounds came on little by little over the decades. For everyone it is different. I am not sure that I fully understand how just 500 extra calories a week add up to 26,000 calories a year or 7 pounds extra a year. There is so much available in American culture. Starbucks Frappacino = 420 calories. I have had one this summer!
As for Oprah - well, I am pretty sure she has her picture on the front of her magazine photo-shopped.. so what is her message? And the models in her magazine? Egads!
the best book I have read is Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth.
Also, as an older woman I really resent that I cannot settle into my role of Matriarch/grandmother with out all these pressures to look younger, slime etc. My Mother and Grandmother did not have to concern themselves with such stuff and had a richer more fulfilling life. My Grandmother lived to be 95 and Mother lived to be 97.
As for Oprah - well, I am pretty sure she has her picture on the front of her magazine photo-shopped.. so what is her message? And the models in her magazine? Egads!
the best book I have read is Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth.
Also, as an older woman I really resent that I cannot settle into my role of Matriarch/grandmother with out all these pressures to look younger, slime etc. My Mother and Grandmother did not have to concern themselves with such stuff and had a richer more fulfilling life. My Grandmother lived to be 95 and Mother lived to be 97.
2
What I recently realized was that my weight was AOK and I felt wonderful when I ate a largely seasonal menu that someone else with a eye toward my health prepared for me, I was able to be up and around and moving between 2 to 3 hours a day, and I had a life that included a large block of time off for R&R every year and only moderate regular stress that was achievement oriented. Of course, that was what life was -- at age 11. Not sure how to get back there. But it was great.
6
Thanks for your story - it captures the multifaceted complexity of this issue, and the personal struggle and confusion that many, myself included, experience around it. I often ask myself "What else could I accomplish with all the time and energy I spend thinking about, fretting, ruminating, and attempting to address this issue?"
2
Thank you, Taffy, for your article about the agony and ecstasy of losing and keeping weight off . One thing that I see from the almost 70 years on this planet, it the way our attitudes from the 1960's changed to reflect the unwritten but powerful message that "calories don't count." Unfortunately, despite all of the research, we need to revisit that warrant and correct it. Calories DO count especially at an early age. You mentioned that you felt you needed to relearn how to eat mindfully. Though I do not have the science to support it, I wonder if we, as children, head down a path of eating behavior that only gets more and more ingrained until we end up in a place where we cannot go back. This behavior might provide a place for further study with people in the Boomer category because we have gone through this cultural shift. Thanx again for your informative article.
Dr. J
Dr. J
1
My Mother was a Weight Watchers member.
Every time the plan changed, she jumped back in and gave it her best.
She became a Lifetime Member.
And I followed in her exact footsteps.
25 years later, I am described on paper by my Orthopedist,
as a " well developed" 56 year old woman" .
Yeesh.
I have the Weight Watchers App.
But sometimes I forget.
And I do watch my portions, and try to lighten up my recipes.
The Orthopedist says my knee will benefit .
And I do it for my Mom.
She's my motivation.
Every time the plan changed, she jumped back in and gave it her best.
She became a Lifetime Member.
And I followed in her exact footsteps.
25 years later, I am described on paper by my Orthopedist,
as a " well developed" 56 year old woman" .
Yeesh.
I have the Weight Watchers App.
But sometimes I forget.
And I do watch my portions, and try to lighten up my recipes.
The Orthopedist says my knee will benefit .
And I do it for my Mom.
She's my motivation.
I've been overweight my whole life. But I never got into the diet thing (I don't even know what most of the diets listed are/were) since I could see that the diets didn't work and most of the people on them were very unhappy. The more I focused on eating wisely (better food, less processed food, and smaller amounts) the better my health became. I started to cook and now have a garden. Now I've noticed that I'm losing weight (very, very slowly, but still losing). Maybe that is the answer?
6
You have found the answer. Good Luck and keep cooking your own food. You will be successful.
3
I continue to take loving care of my body, to take joy in exercise, to learn about and
delight in good nutrition. I take no medications. What were sources of pain—food, body, body-image—are now sources of pleasure and peace.
delight in good nutrition. I take no medications. What were sources of pain—food, body, body-image—are now sources of pleasure and peace.
1
Thank you for a beautifully written and honest account of what is also my experience. This may be the first piece I have ever read on the topic (and I'm 41 and my Amazon account produces similar suggestions to yours) that doesn't conclude, with evangelic fervour, what the answer is. This in itself makes me feel less crazy for my lifelong frustration with food and weight in an otherwise peaceful, meaningful, and accomplished life. I can't accept that I will always feel so at war with my own body, but I have no idea what moving forward looks like.
5
There solution is simple but no one makes any money off of it.
Ours is the only culture where "Three Square Meals a Day" is an unchallenged mantra.
One key is to get used to an empty stomach. It is better for your GI system and the stomach SHOULD be empty most of the time. Skip breakfast. Snack around a single meal in the late afternoon. You'll be amazed at how well you will feel after sticking to this for a few weeks. And you will lose weight.
Ours is the only culture where "Three Square Meals a Day" is an unchallenged mantra.
One key is to get used to an empty stomach. It is better for your GI system and the stomach SHOULD be empty most of the time. Skip breakfast. Snack around a single meal in the late afternoon. You'll be amazed at how well you will feel after sticking to this for a few weeks. And you will lose weight.
1
Steve, I agree with you (I rarely eat breakfast and have learned to love the feeling of having an empty stomach) and I'm extremely active! but there's not a single soul I know personally (with whom I've spoken about this subject) who would go along with this. Most think they are going to faint when they push beyond the first feelings of hunger. I've sugggested that they give it a try and see if they actually do pass out but no one's interested in trying.
1
Great article. I grew up in the Twiggy era. I was expected to be thin and when...due to not eating...I dropped to under 100 lbs (5' 3") I thought I was beautiful. (I started to eat again and gained it back, fortunately) I have "watched" my weight all my life. Some times successfully and sometimes tipping up the scale in ways that had me worried. Now I'm retired and am more active. I'm cooking more because I have the time to and I think both my husband and I are benefiting. But all of this takes time and there is not time in a working persons life to get this balance. There should be....but that is another investigative article. I appreciate this article because I think you really explain what is going on with all of us. We are fighting what we understand to "look good", to be healthy vs. what our bodies/metabolisms seem to be comfortable at. Since I'm over 60, I don't worry about the looking good part anymore, but do worry about the healthy and will continue on that track!
2
The word "diet" should denote "what I eat" rather than a temporary weight-loss regimen, and if one expects to live at a reasonable and healthy weight, that diet should consist of real food rather than almost everything to be found on supermarket aisles. Moreover, the habit of eating real food, once assumed, does NOT entail struggle or a feeling of deprivation: there is little pleasure or temptation in refined sugar, refined carbohydrates and processed fats once one is truly weaned from them and has come to appreciate, and accustom oneself to, eating real food and the healthy, clean and fit feeling that results.
5
The heartfelt straight up comments and honest expressions by the readers are some of the best writing on the subject,and in the paper. Kudos to the author for writing that can touch ,and to the N.Y.T. for publishing these responses
2
I'll never forget the first time I went to a nutritional psychologist 10 years ago. After reviewing my food diaries and excercise logs that I shared through tears of "plateau" frustration, she recommended I accept myself and my body and see what happened. I was appalled and angry. If i stopped fighting to be thinner, wouldn't that drive complacency? I didn't stop dieting all together but this idea slowly seeped it's way into my psyche. I began to discover that if you actually love and accept your body, it drives kindness and compassion...and thus action in tenderness. Eating clean and exercising is a manifestation of that kindness. I still struggle but addressing the core of self love and acceptance is where I start now...not attempting to be super model thin. Thanks for the article, Taffy.
2
What a stunning piece of writing. The scope of this article, starting from a bird's-eye view of an American phenomenon and narrowing to a personal search for peace, literally made my pulse pound. I look forward to Ms. Brodesser-Akner's work as a features and staff writer.
1
What further complicates the weight loss issue are a person's genetics as well as the particular bacteria that person carries in his or her gut microbiome. As a scientist I am not certain that at this point we can state what an ideal weight is for a particular individual. Further it has to be asked if that ideal weight is realistically achievable for that particular person, and most of all can that ideal weight be maintained.
It would seem that maintaining weight loss is the most challenging to achieve. Weight loss is exhilarating, but that thrill fades as the compliments stop and life returns to the usual norm with all its stresses. Also I would argue that is difficult at best to have self acceptance of being overweight when society rejects you based on your physical appearance, as witnessed by the unkind comments Taffy experienced.
Thank you Taffy for sharing your personal journey about your battle with weight loss. I hope you find peace.
It would seem that maintaining weight loss is the most challenging to achieve. Weight loss is exhilarating, but that thrill fades as the compliments stop and life returns to the usual norm with all its stresses. Also I would argue that is difficult at best to have self acceptance of being overweight when society rejects you based on your physical appearance, as witnessed by the unkind comments Taffy experienced.
Thank you Taffy for sharing your personal journey about your battle with weight loss. I hope you find peace.
1
In my opinion, physicians should give their patients strict diets that they need to follow. Just like a medicine. It's really not rocket science, but doctors don't do it. So they just continue to treat the symptoms rather than addressing the problem.
1
You have totally not been paying attention.
7
Nutrition is never taught in medical or nursing colleges. It should be required.
2
Thanks for the fabulous piece of writing! I, like you, have been dieting since age 13. At 51, I've learned that I have to be aware of how much I eat because, for whatever reason or reasons, I eat more than I should. I have also learned that what drives me to eat more than I should can be emotional or physical. The emotional part is a habit; the physical part is an addiction. I know Weight Watchers doesn't support this view, but there are BAD foods for some of us! Processed carbs (particularly sugary food and drink, and bread) lead to overeating, so I avoid them.
Thanks SO MUCH for sharing your personal journey and painful moments. They really are helpful for the rest of us who are struggling with food and weight.
Thanks SO MUCH for sharing your personal journey and painful moments. They really are helpful for the rest of us who are struggling with food and weight.
In the current healthcare debate, size and weight as determined by the Body Mass Index should be considered in establishing the cost of insurance. Skinny people would be charged proportionately less, while fat people would be charged proportionately more. Upon that would be considered smoking (tobacco and weed) as that unseemly behavior increases the risks brought about by obesity. In short, people should be required to take some measure of individual responsibility in maintaining good health or pay increased insurance costs. Thank you.
1
All the righteous people who are thin or have stayed successful after weight loss, see it as so simple.
Can you say you only drink water or tea and nothing else and have done so for 20 years? Liquid calories are a great big no; I would rather actually have some food. Can you say you stopped eating red meats completely for the last 25 years? Stopped artificially sweeteners of any kind for over 15 years.
Ever lived on only 1200-1600 calories day, day after day for months or a year, hungry generally for hours a day, every day, day after day. Salads, salads, no calorie dressings. Exercised daily for months with no great weight loss, just of course an increase in hunger. Of course, I agree exercise is good for us all, but it doesn’t lose everyone weight.
Ever tried a Vegan diet for a few months and then gave up when you lost no weight, added back dairy products, staying meat free, but then gained 5 pounds.
Give up added sugar to anything you consume for a few years and you will find out how sweet our food is, and what you can no longer stand to eat, when you indulge in a diet buster.
Sure, I have been successful, but I still have a lot more weight I wish and need to lose. But is it very hard to endure the denial of any pleasurable food and the hunger for months on end.
I would so enjoy an all-beef Cheeseburger with bacon yum, but no just had a salad with chicken, veggies and balsamic dressing, the highlight being tempeh bacon, 35 calories a slice!
Can you say you only drink water or tea and nothing else and have done so for 20 years? Liquid calories are a great big no; I would rather actually have some food. Can you say you stopped eating red meats completely for the last 25 years? Stopped artificially sweeteners of any kind for over 15 years.
Ever lived on only 1200-1600 calories day, day after day for months or a year, hungry generally for hours a day, every day, day after day. Salads, salads, no calorie dressings. Exercised daily for months with no great weight loss, just of course an increase in hunger. Of course, I agree exercise is good for us all, but it doesn’t lose everyone weight.
Ever tried a Vegan diet for a few months and then gave up when you lost no weight, added back dairy products, staying meat free, but then gained 5 pounds.
Give up added sugar to anything you consume for a few years and you will find out how sweet our food is, and what you can no longer stand to eat, when you indulge in a diet buster.
Sure, I have been successful, but I still have a lot more weight I wish and need to lose. But is it very hard to endure the denial of any pleasurable food and the hunger for months on end.
I would so enjoy an all-beef Cheeseburger with bacon yum, but no just had a salad with chicken, veggies and balsamic dressing, the highlight being tempeh bacon, 35 calories a slice!
3
Thank you, Taffy, for speaking so eloquently and compassionately about this subject. I, too, am a member of the not-a-size-0-club and have struggled to achieve the social and health benefits of being thinner with intermittent successes, failures and the occasional triumph. All through great effort. Those without any metabolic issues have no idea how difficult this is for some of us, but I have learned, like you, that their understanding isn't needed to validate my reality. It would be nice if society accepted people for what is on the inside and focused on the beauty of our souls, but fortunately I can love and be loved without that. After a lifetime struggling with this one issue I have learned that my physical self - whatever my weight, age, level of beauty, etc. - is pretty meaningless, except when it comes to being able to give a loving hug or provide a kind shoulder to another. Life is full of all kinds of physical hardships and a lot of suffering individually and collectively, but it is also filled with such spectacular value and joy it is worth being here. I applaud you for your courage in writing this piece, as you have undoubtedly provided the comfort of understanding to so many others. For those who cannot understand why someone can't just stop eating "too much"? I would recommend they get some counseling and try to understand how the arrogance of being judgmental and critical of others lowers their quality of life. Big hugs to you and everyone else.
1
I read the article and I skimmed the Comments. Maybe I missed it -- and I can only address the heterosexual -- but a lot of men (most men? all men?) are visual, and, while there are exceptions, the majority of men, in my experience, are not turned on by fat women. You can berate the dudes all you want, fat just doesn't do it for them. Not a turn-on. ( I'm a 68-year-old woman.
I'm not talking about a perfect body. A perfect body is like a perfect face. You're born with it. Also, it doesn't last. I'm talking about what was, when I was a girl, an average body. Not fat. Not thin. Over sixty, you're going to have a roll around the middle, no matter what.
If you're a woman who likes men -- especially one particular man -- usually it is nicer for the man if you're not fat. Why not make the guy happy? How much is the actual fat -- and how much is that the self-loathing and doubt are a drag in the bedroom? Don't know.
I'm not talking about a perfect body. A perfect body is like a perfect face. You're born with it. Also, it doesn't last. I'm talking about what was, when I was a girl, an average body. Not fat. Not thin. Over sixty, you're going to have a roll around the middle, no matter what.
If you're a woman who likes men -- especially one particular man -- usually it is nicer for the man if you're not fat. Why not make the guy happy? How much is the actual fat -- and how much is that the self-loathing and doubt are a drag in the bedroom? Don't know.
8
Estrellita,
I agree, but why not be even-handed? Fat dudes with disgusting guts aren't nice for straight women.
I agree, but why not be even-handed? Fat dudes with disgusting guts aren't nice for straight women.
12
Goes without saying.
2
OK, Estrellita, but what about the health conditions? Please, please, please, people, start recognizing that "the roll around the middle" is not there because "she doesn't care about her man," or her "self-loathing and doubt" are in the way. There are a lot of women with serious hormonal illnesses out there. Not enough of them get diagnosed because most women don't even think that they should see a specialist. Scans cost a lot of money in the USA. Uterine fibroids, adenomyosis (that used to be rare and is less rare now), endometriosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, ovarian cysts, hepatitis, problems with the kidneys: that's just a few of the principal classifications of literally hundreds of individualized afflictions that will cause a swollen belly in an otherwise functional woman. Why do you think we have so many hysterectomies in the US? Because it's a last resort when medicine actually has no answers. Women with growths in their abdomen often have excretory problems because the growths literally impede excretion. These are personal, private, sensitive subjects that have to be addressed & cannot be addressed if the mental reflex that "fat must mean overeater" has become so pervasive even doctors turn away in disgust, rather than looking for the correct diagnosis for what is not, quite obviously, a healthy body. Start by finding a good, experienced (older), genuinely compassionate women's health expert. Women & men gain weight for completely different reasons.
2
I’m fat and I don’t care at all.
Should I be morose and then bawl
If my waistline grows
Like some hothouse rose?
Shut up and pass me a meatball.
Should I be morose and then bawl
If my waistline grows
Like some hothouse rose?
Shut up and pass me a meatball.
5
I vividly recall Oprah parading on to the set w/ that red wagon of 67 lbs. of fat, representing the amount of weight she lost. And then she gained it back. I also recall when she hired a personal chef, the wonderful Art Smith, and hired a personal trainer. She lost and gained again. Now she is an owner and member of Weight Watchers, losing more weight with each passing commercial she does. But will she gain it back? Who knows. What I do know is this - if a successful multimillion such as Oprah, hired a personal chef and trainer to help her get healthy and thinner yet still gained the weight back, what chance do I have of ever winning my own battle of the bulges? If someone prepared the perfect foods to lose weight and if a trainer worked with someone every day to lose the weight, how do you NOT lose and keep it off?
I think I'm doomed. However, the real key for me is to accept my weight and body as it is and to find some level of inner peace. I am exhausted worrying and feeling bad about my body. I decided a while back to eat healthier foods, move my "double wide" butt around more, ride that silly bike more, and to stop beating myself up. I think depression can put someone into the ground faster than enjoying the occasional hot fudge sundae. For me, it's become an attitude adjustment and small, gradual changes to my overall meal and snack choices. We'll see. A sincere good luck to every frustrated and determined food-challenged individual out there.
33
I think Oprah's thyroid problem--which both she and her doctors deny--is going to rear its ugly head once again, sooner or later. I hope she's able to keep the weight off, but for people with thyroid issues, it's never easy and it takes much more work than someone with a "normal" thyroid. That's just the way it is, and all the denial in the world will never change this fact.
I know what you mean. I'm always wondering about what to eat. Jenny Craig was the best system for me because all your meals and snacks are planned and ready to eat. It even tastes good. Unfortunately it is expensive and eventually you have to make choices on your own. I have lost weight then gained it back. I'm going to try Gastric Sleeve surgery I think. My knees hurt too and I get short of breath walking. First thing Docs say is "if you just lost some weight"