a year ago I was the complainer. now I'm the parent. it's really hard to soothe a hysterical baby. picking the baby up isn't always a magic solution. I'll take baby cries over the person who used to live next door to me who had loud sex at all times of the night, loud parties all weekend and once left me a note to apologize for the noise by saying it couldn't be helped because he friends had just flown in from Paris!
7
Gee, I wonder what to do about the impact noise from 2-5 toddlers who run around all day in their grandparents' apartment over mine? They never go outside, never go on play dates, no one ever takes them anywhere, no one ever sits and reads to them, and they apparently never sit down to a meal. I tell myself it's temporary - they will be in preschool before long. Mostly I feel sorry for the grandparents whose adult children just dump their kids with people too old to cope and I especially feel sorry for the toddlers and their lot in life. I cannot bring myself to add to the grandparents' misery by complaining.
9
When my kids were little I was terrified their noise would bother someone. I was very fortunate to be able to afford a house, however not everyone can.
Sometimes babies can't be consoled. I'm horrified by comment writers who are blaming the parents. Babies have to be born -- they are our future citizens and tax payers. They are not the equivalent to dogs. Sometimes they have to live in apartment buildings, too.
If I were the letter writer I would buy a white noise machine or ear plugs and try to be compassionate. The crying is probably just as hard on the parents.
Sometimes babies can't be consoled. I'm horrified by comment writers who are blaming the parents. Babies have to be born -- they are our future citizens and tax payers. They are not the equivalent to dogs. Sometimes they have to live in apartment buildings, too.
If I were the letter writer I would buy a white noise machine or ear plugs and try to be compassionate. The crying is probably just as hard on the parents.
14
I have three go-to solutions.
Earplugs (I prefer soft foam ones).
A Honeywell air cleaner which acts as a white noise machine and vibrates slightly. With three settings, it can sound like an airplane and feel like a cat purring.
And last are wired sleep headphones hooked up to my Zune MP3 player. I can't add new things to it because the Zune software isn't recognized by the new Windows OS, but thank G-d I downloaded a Pink Noise MP3 off of the internet and added it while I still could.
Anyway, the sleep headphones are flat discs that are placed in a headband so you don't feel them if you're a side sleeper. They're available on Amazon. There's a Bluetooth version, too, but the power supply/control is on the side you might be sleeping on and the charge doesn't last long (owwww). You can use these with your laptop and a YouTube video of white noise or ambient noise like ocean waves or whatever you want.
There's various noise apps on cell phones, too.
Anyway, I feel you, hon. I had noise issues which triggered anxiety attacks and ended up on medication for it. I hope you don't get obsessive thinking about your situation.
I wish you well!
Earplugs (I prefer soft foam ones).
A Honeywell air cleaner which acts as a white noise machine and vibrates slightly. With three settings, it can sound like an airplane and feel like a cat purring.
And last are wired sleep headphones hooked up to my Zune MP3 player. I can't add new things to it because the Zune software isn't recognized by the new Windows OS, but thank G-d I downloaded a Pink Noise MP3 off of the internet and added it while I still could.
Anyway, the sleep headphones are flat discs that are placed in a headband so you don't feel them if you're a side sleeper. They're available on Amazon. There's a Bluetooth version, too, but the power supply/control is on the side you might be sleeping on and the charge doesn't last long (owwww). You can use these with your laptop and a YouTube video of white noise or ambient noise like ocean waves or whatever you want.
There's various noise apps on cell phones, too.
Anyway, I feel you, hon. I had noise issues which triggered anxiety attacks and ended up on medication for it. I hope you don't get obsessive thinking about your situation.
I wish you well!
4
I stayed for a month in Montreuil, 10 minutes on the Metro to central Paris. The house which was surrounded a garden with trees and plants. In the mornings I drank my coffee outside. My neighbors included a child in an adjacent garden who cried every morning over some private grief with his older brother and father, or so was my construct from what I heard. Mostly I enjoyed the bird calls and green so absent from my life in New York. As he cried on schedule one morning I called out to him in a faint high voice, (created to amuse myself and children when they were young) "Leetle boy why are you crying?" He heard me and stopped crying. His father probably translated for him. I told him I was his fairy godmother, why did he cry so much? Everyone loved him. I kept this up every morning, and said goodbye to him the day I left. He wanted me to stay.
From my extensive travel and experience, the vast majority of irritating, inconsiderate noises of the world are produced by adults.
From my extensive travel and experience, the vast majority of irritating, inconsiderate noises of the world are produced by adults.
22
Buy the new parents a book or two on sleep training their child as a gift. There are more than a dozen books available on the topic on Amazon. Start with the Baby Wise or Happiest baby on the block books. Include a card wishing them Congratulations on the new baby include the business card of a sleep training night nurse or well regarded nanny agency. A experienced nanny can get the newborn sleeping 6 hours plus a night by the six week mark. Sleep training is an on going process that involves sticking to a routine, following a schedule and resetting after after illness, growth spurts, and teething come into play. This way you all get a good nights rest in the quickest amount of time.
Absolutely do not do this.
22
Today, the baby is keeping you awake. 30 years from now it will be paying your social security. It evens out.
21
There are three babies in my building now. I recommend ear plugs and a sound machine. At least they're not setting off fireworks ten days early.
21
But in about 14 years, they will be. Fireworks, maybe loud sound systems, who knows?
On my block, on and off, depending on the year and whose kids are on the street, it's the ubiquitous bouncing basketball. How kids can spend four hours practicing their dribbling . . . . Like rifle shots, when they get bigger and stronger.
On my block, on and off, depending on the year and whose kids are on the street, it's the ubiquitous bouncing basketball. How kids can spend four hours practicing their dribbling . . . . Like rifle shots, when they get bigger and stronger.
Buy a white noise machine. It will be invaluable for any sort of noise when you want to sleep for the rest of your life. I've had the one from Hammacher Schlemmer for years.
19
Get over yourself. Today is the baby who makes too much noise, tomorrow, 60 or 80 years from now might be you with all your annoying old people noises and habits. And who knows, that crying baby might end up being the one that will take care of you, help you or even smile at you when you are old and alone. You can thank those of us who had those crying babies later.
15
This is not a solution to the problem. How does one sleep when being kept awake? It's not a matter of getting over it. Neighbors should be encouraged to work together for the mutual comfort of everyone. But it can be difficult to even have a civil discussion when one side has a selfish, defensive attitude. I don't hate crying babies, as they are just doing what babies do. But I won't be thanking them, either. We all need sleep so an effort at compromise is reasonable to ask.
32
I am always surprised by the same tired advice that I know from personal experience does not work. Approaching the offender with treats and a smile nearly never works. Making noise in one's own apartment to convey the reality of thin walls is a tactic that gives the other person permission rather than a conscience to lower their own decibels. An amusing fact that always gets overlooked is noise from another apartment is most always more muted and less offensive than the noise of sirens, car and truck horns, incessant boom from traffic hitting a pot hole or metal plate on the road, etc, etc. The only solution that works and was posted by another reader is the purchase of a white noise machine. The new machines are wonderful and do a great job.
Having lived in Europe where most cities value quiet and recognize that personal space includes the right to quiet, they have many laws regulating noise from individuals in both public and private spheres. They also raise their children with the same mindset. It is sad that NYC will never become a city in which one can get a good night's sleep.
Having lived in Europe where most cities value quiet and recognize that personal space includes the right to quiet, they have many laws regulating noise from individuals in both public and private spheres. They also raise their children with the same mindset. It is sad that NYC will never become a city in which one can get a good night's sleep.
22
Try a noise cancelling sound machine like the Dohm from Marpac. Place it between you and the "baby wall" - or you and any annoying noise and it will mask the sound. It changed my life.
13
I just use a big box fan set on high. Pretty cheap white noise machine!
4
Noise is everyone's number 1 quality-of-life issue - but we all make noise, and more of it every year. We have to treat it as a major health threat, like other forms of pollution, and get serious. In particular our biggest purchase, real estate, has to have tools such as 24-hour noise monitor reports, that are required for mortgages etc, like engineering and termite reports. The companies that provide such tools will make a fortune.
8
Sounds like more than one crying baby in this story. (a joke). Seriously, if the walls are that thin, a crying baby is the least of your neighbor noise problems. Wait until tuba lessons!
23
I was wondering why neither the tenant, the columnist, nor the lawyer consulted in the article did not first ask whether that baby is actually okay. Is this an infant, a baby, a toddler? Have you ever seen the child? Wouldn't you as a neighbor want to try to ascertain whether the child might be in some kind of jeopardy? Crying every day in the morning and night is not a random expression. It means something. And frequent crying is not common to all children. A child who cries a lot is more the exception than the rule. Is the tenant at work during the day? So maybe the child is crying during the day as well? OK. I'm totally prejudiced
against people who let babies or children "cry it out" on a regular basis. I think it's sadistic. But, hello, grown-ups. It's not just all about you. First make sure the child is okay.
against people who let babies or children "cry it out" on a regular basis. I think it's sadistic. But, hello, grown-ups. It's not just all about you. First make sure the child is okay.
27
"Crying every day in the morning and night is not a random expression."
Could be colic, of course. The first time I slept through the night, months after I'd been born, my mother kept waking me up, thinking I had died. Lots of babies cry for hours on end. Often enough, nothing to be done.
Could be colic, of course. The first time I slept through the night, months after I'd been born, my mother kept waking me up, thinking I had died. Lots of babies cry for hours on end. Often enough, nothing to be done.
1
Why is it always a backlash when a person without kids wants peace and quiet from other people's kids? Not everyone has, or wants kids, and no one wants their noise. Why is that so hard to understand?
73
Possibly you don't care about whether new human beings come along to populate the earth when we die. But it's well known that if we want a generation to succeed us mortal beings, someone must have, raise and educate children. Why is THAT so hard to understand?
16
The issue is you chose to live in a densely populated area where, among other things, you going to be in with a random and uncontrolled cross section of the public. Guess what, that also includes age!
I say that as someone who is exquisitely sensitive to noise. So knowing that, I live in a single family house. on a half acre lot in the suburbs backed by woods. It's quiet and I don't hear a soul. Other peoples crying babies would indeed drive me crazy, so I don't live in a place where that could be an issue. I don't live in Manhattan and then whine that there's too many loud people around me.
I say that as someone who is exquisitely sensitive to noise. So knowing that, I live in a single family house. on a half acre lot in the suburbs backed by woods. It's quiet and I don't hear a soul. Other peoples crying babies would indeed drive me crazy, so I don't live in a place where that could be an issue. I don't live in Manhattan and then whine that there's too many loud people around me.
25
Don't think that's the problem , why do people with young ones demonize those who don't , have you considered that the person with a legitimate noise complaint needs to go to sleep and go to work? People with children should not live in apartments and if they do , they should be considerate of their neighbors such as perhaps if the baby can be taken to another room(living room) until it's sleep cycle is adjusted ; if you can hear a neighbor they can hear you . I shudder to think that because you're populating , raising , educating your little darling , you're omitting teaching it to be considerate of others , we're all in it together , and nobody should be exempt from being courteous to those without children , just because you do.
15
You are likely a quiet person that enjoys their space and downtime. Having that hijacked by a rug rat sucks, but you are unlikely to get any sympathy from the exhausted parents, despite kids being their decision, not yours.
1. I have found that making a bit of noise yourself once in a while helps neighbors to realize how much sound travels through the walls.
2. Do yourself a favor and buy a pair of good quality sleeping ear plugs - get the ones that are custom fit to your ears - changed my life!!!
1. I have found that making a bit of noise yourself once in a while helps neighbors to realize how much sound travels through the walls.
2. Do yourself a favor and buy a pair of good quality sleeping ear plugs - get the ones that are custom fit to your ears - changed my life!!!
25
How do you wake up on time? I tried earplugs which work great but they also block the sound of my alarm.
2
One day that baby might be your nurse, cardiologist or the engineer who designs the roads your drive on.... That being said, I am a very strict parent who generally harshes on people who let their kids run amok, but a crying baby is not a sign of bad parenting.
31
How does the writer know the parents have chosen to 'let the baby cry it out'? Is it possible the parents are trying their best to stop the baby from crying, such as by rocking the child or walking with it?
It's possible the baby has colic, which will pass in time as the baby matures. It's also possible the baby has a medical condition which the parents have little control over.
The writer should do all s/he can, to his/her apartment, to try to muffle or block the noise, including moving to another room to sleep (if that's possible).
I agree with Ms. Kaysen - if the writer must approach the parents/neighbors, it's best to do so tactfully and in a friendly and polite manner. If the parents are dealing with a crying baby, day in and day out, the parents are probably more frazzled than the writer. The writer might consider offering to help his/her neighbors in some way also.
The baby won't be a baby for long, and one day the frequent crying will stop. It's not the baby's fault, and it's possible the parents are doing their very best to calm their baby.
It's possible the baby has colic, which will pass in time as the baby matures. It's also possible the baby has a medical condition which the parents have little control over.
The writer should do all s/he can, to his/her apartment, to try to muffle or block the noise, including moving to another room to sleep (if that's possible).
I agree with Ms. Kaysen - if the writer must approach the parents/neighbors, it's best to do so tactfully and in a friendly and polite manner. If the parents are dealing with a crying baby, day in and day out, the parents are probably more frazzled than the writer. The writer might consider offering to help his/her neighbors in some way also.
The baby won't be a baby for long, and one day the frequent crying will stop. It's not the baby's fault, and it's possible the parents are doing their very best to calm their baby.
19
The parents should move the child as far from the shared wall as possible. Common courtesy.
36
This goes for televisions and stereos as well.
10
Terrible advice except for the few bits on what agents can legally warn buyers.
eg. "worse for the exhausted parents"?? I don't think so! 1. It's -their- baby. Its parents, austensibly "love" it and so would want to do anything to prevent baby's displeasure. 2. Of course in the real world not every mom is Mrs. Cleaver; working mothers are everywhere - and bad dads will ignore a screaming baby and go out - or put in ear plugs - or smoke some heroin.
eg. "worse for the exhausted parents"?? I don't think so! 1. It's -their- baby. Its parents, austensibly "love" it and so would want to do anything to prevent baby's displeasure. 2. Of course in the real world not every mom is Mrs. Cleaver; working mothers are everywhere - and bad dads will ignore a screaming baby and go out - or put in ear plugs - or smoke some heroin.
11
The baby will stop crying in the middle of the night. It is a baby and it will grow up. Your turn.
I have a neighbor (other side of my bedroom wall) who is about 14 months old at this point and, now, I rarely hear him during the night. Usually perhaps at about 8:00 p.m. there is some loud 'wailing' but the parents have trained him to first stay awake (hence his crankiness). Now he sleeps through the rest of the night.
On a side note, I was recently diagnosed with returning cancer. Suddenly, my health had been dropping rapidly. Suddenly as well - while attempting to change my attitude toward this disease - I am very glad (grateful even) to hear the young life next door - at all volumes and times!
I have a neighbor (other side of my bedroom wall) who is about 14 months old at this point and, now, I rarely hear him during the night. Usually perhaps at about 8:00 p.m. there is some loud 'wailing' but the parents have trained him to first stay awake (hence his crankiness). Now he sleeps through the rest of the night.
On a side note, I was recently diagnosed with returning cancer. Suddenly, my health had been dropping rapidly. Suddenly as well - while attempting to change my attitude toward this disease - I am very glad (grateful even) to hear the young life next door - at all volumes and times!
66
Best wishes for a speedy rebound to good health. Your positive attitude will be your strength!
23
I lived in an apartment in France when my son was born. Only two apartments bordered ours and one was an elderly woman who was very hard of hearing. My son had bad colic and screamed for hours straight every evening. He was in my arms constantly and I did everything I could possibly think to do to calm him. Nothing worked. On top of being exhausted and feeling totally inept I was constantly worried about my other neighbor. I never ran into them though, so we never spoke. I took my son back to the US for a few months and when we returned we finally met our neighbor. They were the kindest loveliest people and they mentioned that they had heard my son crying and felt bad for me. I had expected them to be annoyed but their unexpected compassion really touched me.
My advice to the guy is just have some patience. Before you know it this phase will pass. It's likely the parents are doing everything they can. Some babies are calmer than others. We were all babies once.
My advice to the guy is just have some patience. Before you know it this phase will pass. It's likely the parents are doing everything they can. Some babies are calmer than others. We were all babies once.
57
I never said their feelings didn't matter. They mattered very much to me. Unfortunately there wasn't any more that I could do. As soon as I received my son's passport I took him back to the US where we had a house and no close neighbors. Some people have no where else to go though. What do you expect the parents to do?
14
Crying babies in apartments often progress to screaming and running toddlers in apartments as well as screaming and running in common hallways and space. Inattentive and inconsiderate parents generally don't change. They often become defensive and aggressive when one brings up these issues up for discussion. Sometimes the only answer is to move.
49
While I agree about the running and screaming in common spaces, it's pretty unreasonable to expect that a toddler is going to spend all of their waking hours sitting quietly within their own home! That's completely developmentally inappropriate, as well as expecting a baby will not cry. While it is reasonable to expect they not get in the way of others in common areas, and be quiet there, they cannot be made to sit quietly every instant of every day in their own homes- not only would it be not appropriate for their developmental age, it would be frankly abusive parenting.
11
Durham MD, when I was a kid we were expected to use our indoor voices whenever we were indoors, including our single family house on a wooded half acre. Good parenting involves teaching children how to behave appropriately in whatever environment they find themselves.
12
Playgrounds but some parents can't be bothered.
4
Why is a bottle of wine a 'better' gift? Not everyone drinks!
32
It's hilarious that a bottle of wine is the preferred form of currency that's supposed to cure all sorts of neighbor transgressions - the loud TV, the wind chimes in the next-door garden, the bike chained to a street sign that's creating an "unpleasant" view from someone's window, the heavy-footed guy upstairs, the kids in the hallway on their tricycles. "Surely you'll acquiesce to my wishes for the mere price of this lovely bottle of Pinot ... "
If you're really serious, how about a signed first edition or some opera tickets?
If you're really serious, how about a signed first edition or some opera tickets?
6
They probably need it to relax ! And probably would need a drink , dealing with a new baby is stressful , little or interrupted sleep , think of what sleep deprivation does to you.
1
I have a retiree in the adjacent apartment and our bedrooms share a wall. She snores, and unlike a baby, she is not going to grow out of it. When our family made a choice to live in an apartment building, we fully realized that there would be signs of life all around us - babies crying, teenagers bickering, couples fighting, people hammering, dogs barking, and yes, old ladies snoring. Sometimes those were the noises we ourselves made because we are human. If we wanted to live undisturbed by our neighbors, we wouldn't have chosen to live in a densely populated neighborhood, and definitely not in an apartment building.
46
If your neighbor snores, she may be suffering from undiagnosed severe sleep apnea, leaving her tired during the day and potentially harming her cognition.
There isn't an easy way to bring this up-- perhaps a conversation that starts with being tired during the day...
There isn't an easy way to bring this up-- perhaps a conversation that starts with being tired during the day...
7
These days even if you move to a suburban or even rural area, you will still have to endure noise. I live far from any airport but still it's rare for the sky to be quiet. Noise is the curse of "civilization": it's literally the sound of fossil fuels being inefficiently converted into money.
8
Agreed!
Ever hear of "night terrors?" I live in a studio apartment, & years ago the duplex that was once next door had a couple with their first baby. The parents' bedroom was on the upper floor, level with my apartment, while the baby was in her own room on the lower floor of the duplex. On the other side of our party wall was the staircase. Every night I heard that baby shriek with "night terrors" - usually after 2 am - & the wife screaming at her husband to go do "something." So the husband would gallop down the stairs, soothe the baby & return galumping up the stairs. & banging shut the gate at the top of the stairs both ways. My sleep alcove was on the opposite side of the stairs so every night I heard a baby shrieking, the wife screaming & husband racing up and down a wood staircase with no rug risers.
When I saw the couple pushing the baby in her carriage outside the building, they looked away from me. Not out of guilt but I surmised that they just didn't care, to put it politely. I did some reading on "night terrors" among babies & found that it is a temporary developmental quirk that disappears with a few more months of brain maturation. Apparently the parents hadn't taken the time to find out what was happening. & they never had the decency to speak to me & offer some apology for the awful noise. They just had a bad baby? No. They were just lousy neighbors. Wifey got pregnant again & the couple left the building. I love babies when they are, like the Tsar, "far away."
When I saw the couple pushing the baby in her carriage outside the building, they looked away from me. Not out of guilt but I surmised that they just didn't care, to put it politely. I did some reading on "night terrors" among babies & found that it is a temporary developmental quirk that disappears with a few more months of brain maturation. Apparently the parents hadn't taken the time to find out what was happening. & they never had the decency to speak to me & offer some apology for the awful noise. They just had a bad baby? No. They were just lousy neighbors. Wifey got pregnant again & the couple left the building. I love babies when they are, like the Tsar, "far away."
28
A little empathy for the overwhelmed parents and the baby, maybe? You impute indifference and cluelessness where there was most likely exhaustion and, possibly, guilt and embarrassment. Write back if/when you become the parent of a baby who cries. You may be singing a different tune.
30
What kind of parents keep their baby at such a distance at night? No wonder the baby had "night terrors." They sound like very uncaring people, totally indifferent to their baby's fear of being alone and separated from his/her parents, indifferent to their neighbor's suffering.
3
Earplugs. Then a vibrating phone and/or alarm.
7
Best kind of ear plugs are made by Flents. They are made of cotton and wax. You may have to order them online. They were amazing when I used to live in Manhattan. Avoid the foam and plastic ones. Those were terrible. Roll the Flents ones into a ball and then mold them into your ear and seal them well inside. I swear by this product.
16
I've tried those, along with 9 other types of earplugs. Not one pair ever reduced the sound of snoring or crying or blasting TVs. What helped? Being lucky enough to end up moving into a quiet apartment.
9
Earplugs work too well for me. So, uh....where do you put the vibrating phone?
1
I lived in Italy when I had a little baby. If I had let the baby scream (cry it out) for hours some one would have called the police. -- I suggest that the parents answer their baby's cry, pick up the poor thing, and soothe him/her to sleep. -- Letting a baby cry it out for that long is horrible.
45
The Dohm white noise machine works very well. Try to place it between you and the wall you share with the nursery. My daughter had colic and spent nearly every waking minute crying the first 3 months. We got the Dohm for her nursery, but when I needed my nap break while someone else tended to her I borrowed the noise machine to drown out her cries, which carried down the hall or from the den through the vents into the bedroom. It worked very, very well.
25
The baby is low in calcium.
6
The wonderful sense of American parental entitlement is clear. If my baby disturbs you and alters your life, this is too bad for you. Dog owners in The US often have the same attitude that their pet trumps all other concerns. Perhaps the parents could have taken the initiative and checked with the neighbor. In any case why is the burden on the writer? Why is it a given that he should be inconvenienced? Hopefully it will be worked out in a neighborly way.
55
The difference is that the existence of dogs, while pleasant for some, is not literally necessary to the future of humanity in the way that the existence of babies is. I can't believe I actually have to explain that. Your neighbor's barking dog has no present, or future, benefit to you. Your neighbor's crying baby will at a minimum being paying Social Security and taxes to support the society you live in when you are older, and may be your doctor, grocery store bagger, or even president! In a functioning society, there's a recognition that children are (small) people and should be a part of said society. Ours seems to consider them some sort of accessory or pet instead, judging by the comments.
2
"[A dog] is not literally necessary to the future of humanity in the way that the existence of babies is."
You know, Dr. Durham, there's a special breed of parent (and dog owner) that doesn't bother to discipline the unruly tyke in its care. And so in Park Slope, kids go skateboarding into elderly ladies, or run up and down the aisles of restaurants, or scream at one another instead of speaking like little human people, and learn that oh-so-precious obliviousness to other human beings that characterizes too many of them.
Likewise, dogs urinate where they walk, i.e., on the sidewalk, so that the Upper East Side absolutely stinks by noon. Once upon a time, at least we curbed our dogs, so that the urine was localized; but nowadays, sidewalks everywhere are yellow with pools trickling along -- from the bottoms of brownstone newel posts and from brick walls. And then there's always the stench of that new marijuana that our City Council seems to think is okay to smoke in public.
Between children who seem to get no training in manners, dogs that howl because their owners leave them too long each day or urinate where they shouldn't, and young people trail a noxious smoke behind them -- I guess it's easy for you to be so smugly patient when you live somewhere down "South."
Obviously, babies will cry. When they're of an age when they can learn, it behooves their parents to begin to make them into considerate little people. That's hard work, but that's the job of parents.
You know, Dr. Durham, there's a special breed of parent (and dog owner) that doesn't bother to discipline the unruly tyke in its care. And so in Park Slope, kids go skateboarding into elderly ladies, or run up and down the aisles of restaurants, or scream at one another instead of speaking like little human people, and learn that oh-so-precious obliviousness to other human beings that characterizes too many of them.
Likewise, dogs urinate where they walk, i.e., on the sidewalk, so that the Upper East Side absolutely stinks by noon. Once upon a time, at least we curbed our dogs, so that the urine was localized; but nowadays, sidewalks everywhere are yellow with pools trickling along -- from the bottoms of brownstone newel posts and from brick walls. And then there's always the stench of that new marijuana that our City Council seems to think is okay to smoke in public.
Between children who seem to get no training in manners, dogs that howl because their owners leave them too long each day or urinate where they shouldn't, and young people trail a noxious smoke behind them -- I guess it's easy for you to be so smugly patient when you live somewhere down "South."
Obviously, babies will cry. When they're of an age when they can learn, it behooves their parents to begin to make them into considerate little people. That's hard work, but that's the job of parents.
2
My case is a bit different because I live in a coop, but when my new neighbors joined two apartments together, they put their baby in the room that ended up adjacent to my wall. I live in a studio, so I have no other room to escape to. The crying seemed endless and it almost seemed heartless the way the baby cried "Daddy, Daddy" for at least a half an hour every night. When I met the neighbor in the hall, she seemed immediately apologetic and asked me if I heard the baby crying. Uh....yeah? Then she said she didn't know whey they never thought about putting soundproofed sheetrock in when they were renovating, a renovation, mind you, which took nine months and must've cost them a ton of money. Sometimes people need to be a bit more mindful that we live in apartments and sound travels. It's not selfish to want peace and quiet in your home. I keep waiting for this baby phase to pass. It's been a year already. Sigh....
62
If you want complete peace and quiet, then get ready to win the lottery or marry rich. We, the low and middle class folk, will always have to deal with other people's noises. You think a baby is bad? Here comes the non stop leaf blowers, lawn mowers, backyard parties, garbage/recycling trucks at 4 am, the kids next door in their yard, the pool party, McMansions construction for years, tree removals, snow plows. So city or suburbs, building or house, as long as you are not filthy rich, you will have to deal with other people's noises. Although bet you Melania still has to deal with her share of noises from her raging, demented gizzard often. ☺
10
You might try hanging a rug on the wall, which will muffle the sound a bit. You can also try applying rug tiles to the wall. In expensive yes, assuming your walls are not made of tissue paper. Remember, tolerance is a good thing. At one point, before you became an adult, you keep folks up at odd hours with your tears. Also remember, the baby won't be a baby forever. Good luck.
14
It's unlikely that this will last more than a few months. Get some earplugs?
15
Great solution, J C. Yes, this and white noise or sounds of nature etc should do it. Look, if you can't fall asleep in the city that never does, then you're in the wrong place. ;)
15
Best to buy a white noise machine. They are affordable and guaranteed to drown out the noise.
32
I love the answer here--practical and kind. The question itself seems monstrous to me as a parent of two, but maybe the author is just a kid who doesn't yet appreciate the morality involved. After all s/he is able to write this question as an adult now because a crazy neighbor (fellow airplane passenger, etc) didn't strangle them as a baby who was, well, being a baby. People, a little perspective please?
26
Morality? Sheesh. The writer didn't go into an anti-breeder screed, simply asked for some advice. While the writer may be (overly?) sensitive to the noise of the baby's crying, you are the one who seems to lack perspective, Any apartment dweller, parent or not, should do what they can to minimize noise and vibration. Not everyone does.
78
Your neighbor needing to get some sleep is monstrous? People who choose to have children and raise them in the city bear at least some responsibility for seeing that their children, no matter how young, don't impinge on the rights of others. If moving the crib away from the wall shared with this neighbor would help the neighbor get some sleep, that seems like the kind and decent thing to do.
48
Why is it "monstrous" for someone to want to get some sleep at night?
70
Conversely, imagine being a still-working-by-choice couple in our 60s, living in an upscale condo community for "active 55-plus" where your downstairs neighbors (both retired) bought their condo in the winter, promptly headed to Florida for six months without instilling a stick of furniture in it, and upon their return a few weeks ago affronted me one day in our building to ask "why do you get up so early" and "don't you have slippers you can put on"? Yeah, right! While I am heading out early to the gym to stay healthy and then preparing to catch the train to my very satisfying job in NYC, I'll be sure to tiptoe gingerly and silence myself and my husband around our own now-carpeted and fully decorated peaceful home so that you can get your full ten hours of beauty-sleep before heading to your strenuous mahjong game and tough round of golf. Fat Chance!