After attending the pride parade in my city this year, I though that I might not go back. As a straight, white, cis person, I just wasn't comfortable. I've been engaged with the LGBTQ community for much of my adult life, as a result of professional and social connections, and have always been made to feel at home, comfortable, and safe. At Pride this year, I thought maybe I've come to feel too comfortable, too safe. All around me were more people like me: well-meaning "allies," there to have fun and show support, and filling up all of the beautiful, hard-won queer space with our eager-beaver un-queerness. "Oh god" I thought, "we've killed it." I am deeply grateful for the political, bodily, sexual, and emotional freedoms that I enjoy because of the efforts made by queer people over the last half-century. I'm not sure that crashing their party is still the best way to say thank you. I'd rather know that my friends can attend "a party as gay and naked and radical and un-family-friendly as [they] might like" than worry about whether or not an effort will be made to make me feel at home at said party. Like so many in my demographic, I feel at home pretty much everywhere—I don't need to take this space too.
65
The article is minefield
I'm a homosexual man. I'm not 'queer' which is a negative word. Homosexuality is, in by itself, exclusionary. If you don't get that, then you shouldn't be part of a celebration which was started by them.
I'm a homosexual man. I'm not 'queer' which is a negative word. Homosexuality is, in by itself, exclusionary. If you don't get that, then you shouldn't be part of a celebration which was started by them.
24
Please define your pronouns and use verbs or adverbs when necessary to separate the subject from the predicate.
31
What? As a straight woman I go to Pride, & have for over 20 years, to celebrate my queer friends & family - & for a good part of that, to show that there are straight ppl who believe that the LGBT community deserves the same rights that heteros enjoy. If that's a problem for you, you need to do some serious soul-searching.
54
The current generation has no idea of what the Stonewall generation had to put up with. Perhaps that is a good thing.
32
Steve RR - I see no "Horror" in monogamous gay and lesbian couples who may work for corporate America. There's room for all of us isn't there?
HEJ - yes it's true blood gay men or the predominant suffers from aids in the 80s and 90s and perhaps beyond. However, don't forget the many lesbians who supported Gay men in many ways during the AIDS crisis. Do we have to have a contest about who his shoulders one still on?
HEJ - yes it's true blood gay men or the predominant suffers from aids in the 80s and 90s and perhaps beyond. However, don't forget the many lesbians who supported Gay men in many ways during the AIDS crisis. Do we have to have a contest about who his shoulders one still on?
14
I'm a white man who works on Wall Street, drinks Miller Lite, and am often assumed to be straight even though I'm not. Am I not welcome at the author's ideal Pride Parade? Is my "gayness" not authentic? The author's exclusionary language makes me sad. I will be forever grateful for the perseverance and courage of those in the LGBT+ community that paved the road for my freedom and acceptance, but please do not imply that I'm not welcome in my own community.
106
Any sort of movement that attract a large following always provides corporate America with a money making opportunity to exploit. It would be so much nicer if everyone just accepted everyone else for who and what they are no matter who or what they are rather than hurling biblical lightening bolts at them and demeaned by hypocritical politicians for their own gain. Too bad it won't happen in my lifetime.
11
As long as I feel have to hide my sexual preferences at work, in public, etc., the LGBTQ movement isn't really working. Why do I do so? Because I need a paycheck to survive. Because there is still a ton of prejudice and misunderstanding out there about what it means to be lesbian, a gay man, transgender, bisexual, etc. There are still people out there who think that raping a lesbian would show her what she's missing. There are still employers out there who will discriminate against anyone who they know isn't heterosexual.
I haven't lived in other countries. I only know what I've seen and experienced here in terms of acceptance or the lack thereof. Americans are not good at accepting differences whether they are in sexual preferences, gender identity, skin color, handicaps, or intelligence. The question that should be asked is not about Pride. It's about inclusiveness for all no matter what they are as long as they are law abiding citizens.
I haven't lived in other countries. I only know what I've seen and experienced here in terms of acceptance or the lack thereof. Americans are not good at accepting differences whether they are in sexual preferences, gender identity, skin color, handicaps, or intelligence. The question that should be asked is not about Pride. It's about inclusiveness for all no matter what they are as long as they are law abiding citizens.
37
I first marched for gay rights in 1977, when Anita Bryant was doing her anti-gay thing. That was also the first year that Seattle officially sanctioned the march, which was pretty amazing all by itself.
Since then I've joined the march/parade many times, seen many rights gained, seen many friends lost. Now they're broadcasting it live on TV, just like any other big parade. It's long since lost the heady excitement of the first few years, or the righteous anger of the ones that followed, but at the same time it's great to see happy little kids learning that people can be different and that's okay. It bodes well for the future.
Since then I've joined the march/parade many times, seen many rights gained, seen many friends lost. Now they're broadcasting it live on TV, just like any other big parade. It's long since lost the heady excitement of the first few years, or the righteous anger of the ones that followed, but at the same time it's great to see happy little kids learning that people can be different and that's okay. It bodes well for the future.
53
Folks the transition is difficult for those of us who had to find pride in ourselves when the whole world it seemed was against us. It is difficult to have come to terms with being an "outsider" only to now be told we're "in". I for one refuse to let go of my own feeling of being different. I still remember a conversation I once had with a dear friend concerning whether if we had had a choice would we have chosen to be straight. It didn't take but a split second for me to say "no, if I'd had a choice I would have still chosen to be gay." We both looked at each other nodding and said in unison "it's so much more fabulous!" And laughed hysterically. I still think of that conversation and keep that same feeling in my heart. I do however rejoice in all the present level of acceptance . I think with sadness of all of my dear friends who didn't live to see this. It is that remembered feeling of being an outsider that gives me lots of strength to look around and reach out with an open hand to all those who are still struggling for acceptance in a very cruel world.
44
My first Pride march was in 1980, and you're right; times sure have changed. To be fair to the Miller Corp., though, at least in Denver they were sponsors in the early 1980s, long before other giants came aboard. Not to defend corporatization more generally, but having a big business recognize us, at a time when Pride was funded by gay bars, other small businesses, and private donors, probably helped many gays and lesbians feel more comfortable stepping out of the closet and into the parade. This was only a few years after Coors had finally stopped using polygraph tests to screen out queers in the hiring process. We knew Miller saw dollar signs, but we were all drinking Miller anyway because we were boycotting Coors. Seeing their logo on the Pride banner, thirty-odd years ago, felt like acceptance.
67
Yes! I'm old enough to remember when we would have been ecstatic if a big corporation had just recognized us as fully formed human beings, let alone throwing money at our street demonstrations.
35
I miss the wild energy, the defiant we are Queer and we are Here attitude,
The parades of the mid 70's were OURS. Straight people came to gawk.
Yes I understand that it is imperative for LGBT people to be accepted and respected and protected in this angry country.
But dang it all, my Gaydar used to be 100% spot on accurate. Our lesbian community was socially active AND recognizable. People need to know our history and our struggles. I am grateful for all the progress that's been made in this country and I hope for much more....
But on this one parade day, I'm not interested in any watered down, Disney approved, "we are all the same" family entertainment. I miss our spark and our edge and our in your face, We Are Queer, and We are Here energy.
I'm proud of what we've been through and I'm proud of our differences.
The parades of the mid 70's were OURS. Straight people came to gawk.
Yes I understand that it is imperative for LGBT people to be accepted and respected and protected in this angry country.
But dang it all, my Gaydar used to be 100% spot on accurate. Our lesbian community was socially active AND recognizable. People need to know our history and our struggles. I am grateful for all the progress that's been made in this country and I hope for much more....
But on this one parade day, I'm not interested in any watered down, Disney approved, "we are all the same" family entertainment. I miss our spark and our edge and our in your face, We Are Queer, and We are Here energy.
I'm proud of what we've been through and I'm proud of our differences.
77
Well, you asked for this support, and you got it. But, the good news is, you also got ME, a 69 year old white lady. I'm for you.
77
I'm an old white straight cis male wall street 2%er and actually love on wall street west, sounds like gay pride was never about gay pride and acceptance after all,
'straight gays' I once read
oh well acceptance and normalization are not enough
who knew
now the enemy is corporatism, and family friendly, and of course the divisions of racial / identity politics
so gay has nothing to do with being gay
well ok, thanks for the update, oh and smoke downwind from me, even though second hand smoke is one more fear/scam
and I don't know if you look gay enough, not even sure what that means
'straight gays' I once read
oh well acceptance and normalization are not enough
who knew
now the enemy is corporatism, and family friendly, and of course the divisions of racial / identity politics
so gay has nothing to do with being gay
well ok, thanks for the update, oh and smoke downwind from me, even though second hand smoke is one more fear/scam
and I don't know if you look gay enough, not even sure what that means
15
So, let me get this straight (no pun intended).
The writer doesn't like the monolithic aspects of Pride parades but sees no problem using broad generalities to describe gay people such as:
"Albeit with better decorating sense and the sass to pull off chaps that leave little to the imagination."
or
"let us have a party as gay and naked and radical and un-family-friendly as we queers might like."
There are a lot of queers, some of whom include dear friends of mine, who have kids, don't want to walk around naked, and wouldn't know crown molding from the mold they found on bread.
If this doesn't sound sufficiently queer or radical enough for the writer, perhaps she should rethink what being gay means to people, which, in short, means many things that can't be summed up in one neat article.
The writer doesn't like the monolithic aspects of Pride parades but sees no problem using broad generalities to describe gay people such as:
"Albeit with better decorating sense and the sass to pull off chaps that leave little to the imagination."
or
"let us have a party as gay and naked and radical and un-family-friendly as we queers might like."
There are a lot of queers, some of whom include dear friends of mine, who have kids, don't want to walk around naked, and wouldn't know crown molding from the mold they found on bread.
If this doesn't sound sufficiently queer or radical enough for the writer, perhaps she should rethink what being gay means to people, which, in short, means many things that can't be summed up in one neat article.
151
You share this with every other ethnic/minority group in America. It stinks, right?
6
L.G.B.T.Q.I.A.+? Hopelessly out of it as I am, what do all the letters mean? I only know LGBT. Who are the Q.I.A.+ people?
16
Q=Queer or Questioning
I=Indeterminate
A=Asexual
Think this is right -- let me know if I need correcting
I=Indeterminate
A=Asexual
Think this is right -- let me know if I need correcting
Hi MsPea, I like how you placed the L before the G. Usually, it is G before the L! From my exposure, the Q: Queer, Questioning. The I: Intersex, Individual. The A: Aesexual, Ally.
1
The acronym signifies:
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex and Allies
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, Intersex and Allies
Until there is not one person in the world who is homophobic, let there always be Gay Pride. It took too long and those of use who grew up being called names and suffering inside and praying to God to please make us normal will always be grateful for the bravery of those who came before us and were examples of courage to come out of the closet.
I swore when I moved here from Ohio in 1976 I would never pretend again. And when I kissed my first man on the street, I knew I was home.
I swore when I moved here from Ohio in 1976 I would never pretend again. And when I kissed my first man on the street, I knew I was home.
112
Amen, brother.
9
Google it.
1
Your ending is just the push I needed to join my local PFLAG chapter. I want to share my love for my newly-out queer child with all queer kids who might need a mother's hug. Thank you.
45
For the record, I'm a heterosexual, white 60-year old male. What does "Pride" mean to me? Bemusement. I see no reason for me to be proud or ashamed of my heterosexuality; it is merely a characteristic I possess. The same, in my opinion, applies to homosexuals.
The whingeing about commercialisation, though, misses the mark. Funding is an integral part of any endeavour, so if it makes the author feel better, it can be considered a necessary evil, and she can move on.
The whingeing about commercialisation, though, misses the mark. Funding is an integral part of any endeavour, so if it makes the author feel better, it can be considered a necessary evil, and she can move on.
37
But it's not just about you. What about the next generation? All those children who grow up feeling like they are the only gay kid in the whole world. Where it is almost criminal for them to be who they truly are. When they see the massive crowds of gay firefighters and politicians and policemen, it is an experience like no other. And everyone cheers. The Pride parade is the most important one in the city. Don't skip it.
145
The way most straight people come to realize that gay people are "like everybody else" is not by seeing some gay people half-naked, oiled up and kissing each other in a parade. (We don't particularly want to watch straight people doing that either.) We come to believe that gay people are "like everybody else" by seeing them go to work every day, buy groceries, raise their kids, join the PTA or the park board, help their neighbor, etc, etc. Which is what millions of gay people all over the country do. It is a blessing to us all that these people do not need to hide who they are anymore.
114
Yes, it is the people you describe, like my spouse and I, suburban dwellers who are effecting change in a quiet way.
26
Or as you might call it, the domesticating of homosexuality. It's a steep price to pay for freedom and safety. We might want to re-think it some day.
6
LP, freedom and safety are World Human Rights, that everyone should have. I think that in the Future, the World Court will have more Power to enforce this basic Law.
5
We fought for the right to be punks or to be suburban families.
22
Miller Light's been around for Pride and gay rights events for at least 30 years, as have many corporations who've helped lead the way and make a difference when it was groundbreaking. Do your homework instead of just spouting off.
53
The price of acceptance is assimilation. That is all.
44
Why do so many people talk about “family friendly” as if it’s a bad thing? Do LGBT people not have families? Do we not want our children to come and experience Pride events? Pride has done an immense amount to dispel the myth that LGBT individuals are inherently promiscuous, or disease-ridden, or perverted, or otherwise “degenerate”. This of course should be considered separately from the growing commercialization of Pride, but to suggest that modern Pride has been stripped of its “character” is to imply that the character of Pride is something family un-friendly.
109
While reading this essay I thought about all the good people who suffered and died during the HIV/AIDS crisis and wish they could have been here to see the crass commercialism of Pride today.
Then I think about my Freshman College roommate who grew up as an effeminate gay man in a deeply conservative southern town well known to be virtually run by a denomination. I can only imagine what Tony's childhood and adolescence was like.
Then I think of a Gay Man and Lesbian Woman who were married for cover so they could serve our country in the Army during the Reagan Era of the Cold War. David and Brenda, thanks for your service despite the discrimination that forced you to live a lie to serve your country.
Maybe the way things are is a good thing, and maybe it is time for the community to take the spirit of Pride to the smaller cities and towns far removed from the acceptance of New York, Los Angeles, Washington and elsewhere. There are plenty of small cities where Pride is not so normative and not so big and maybe they could use a little help.
I am just an ally, but would remind you the job is not yet done.
Then I think about my Freshman College roommate who grew up as an effeminate gay man in a deeply conservative southern town well known to be virtually run by a denomination. I can only imagine what Tony's childhood and adolescence was like.
Then I think of a Gay Man and Lesbian Woman who were married for cover so they could serve our country in the Army during the Reagan Era of the Cold War. David and Brenda, thanks for your service despite the discrimination that forced you to live a lie to serve your country.
Maybe the way things are is a good thing, and maybe it is time for the community to take the spirit of Pride to the smaller cities and towns far removed from the acceptance of New York, Los Angeles, Washington and elsewhere. There are plenty of small cities where Pride is not so normative and not so big and maybe they could use a little help.
I am just an ally, but would remind you the job is not yet done.
68
Of course it's corporate. Businesses looking for new customers will latch onto any movement to make money off it. See: designer bell-bottoms and beaded headbands, "Forget princess--i want to be a scientist" t-shirts for little girls, rainbow stuff, etc, etc, etc. The list goes on and on and on...
8
But no one has to buy it. Consumers ALWAYS have choices.
4
When "we" become more accepted is equals, we lose the exclusivity and sense of pride in our group that we found as non equals.
12
Pride is not what it was back in the 70's when I first attended. It was a march. You were the parade. Most of us, unless we were in an organized group, would randomly move back and forth between viewing from the sidelines and marching along in the street. Now it would seem very strange for individuals to just jump into the parade. It does often seem like a Chamber of Commerce event. "Oh look, here comes the Bank of America contingent and there's the bunch from Blue Cross Blue Shield!"
Still, times change and the march/parade changes. It has to. I'm in my 60's and, I say this with no bitterness, it is not my parade anymore. It belongs to younger generations and that is how it should be. Without totally forgetting or dismissing us old goats, it should reflect those who are the future of the community. We had our parade and now it's their turn.
I know some people question whether it's even needed any more and to that I will shout a resounding "Yes!" Living in Boston or NY it's easy to forget just how hard life is for many LGBT people in this country and the world. It's easy to overlook what a Gay Pride Parade in Boston means to someone perhaps in some other part of the world who can't live the life they were born to live. Those people see our celebrations and it gives them hope that something better is possible and hope can be a very powerful thing. If our celebration can give hope to someone who otherwise has none that is a thing worth having Pride in.
Still, times change and the march/parade changes. It has to. I'm in my 60's and, I say this with no bitterness, it is not my parade anymore. It belongs to younger generations and that is how it should be. Without totally forgetting or dismissing us old goats, it should reflect those who are the future of the community. We had our parade and now it's their turn.
I know some people question whether it's even needed any more and to that I will shout a resounding "Yes!" Living in Boston or NY it's easy to forget just how hard life is for many LGBT people in this country and the world. It's easy to overlook what a Gay Pride Parade in Boston means to someone perhaps in some other part of the world who can't live the life they were born to live. Those people see our celebrations and it gives them hope that something better is possible and hope can be a very powerful thing. If our celebration can give hope to someone who otherwise has none that is a thing worth having Pride in.
37
After celebrating my gay pride for 40 years I will have to skip this year too. Our goals to support each other, combat HIV/AIDS, and embrace our tremendous diversity have given way to not only corporate commercialism but political intolerance as well. We are better together when we can celebrate regardless of race, color, religion, or political affiliation.
In Toronto, BLM and the participation of Toronto Police have taken the media spotlight away from the LGBTQ folks and the intent of Pride. The focus has been politics and wrangling as opposed to justice and celebration.
However, I witness elementary school kids powerfully embrace and proudly speak the language of inclusion and gender expansiveness. I know something truly has shifted. Love is in the air with rainbow blessings everywhere. Education is doing it's work through queer and cis allies alike. Many are also recognizing that LGBTQ folks are us. Pride events teach me about the spectrum of what it means to be a human...and these events splash openly for all to see and find a place within their own humanity.
However, I witness elementary school kids powerfully embrace and proudly speak the language of inclusion and gender expansiveness. I know something truly has shifted. Love is in the air with rainbow blessings everywhere. Education is doing it's work through queer and cis allies alike. Many are also recognizing that LGBTQ folks are us. Pride events teach me about the spectrum of what it means to be a human...and these events splash openly for all to see and find a place within their own humanity.
16
It's hard to be include people who do not want to be included.
9
I think there is too much labeling, categorizing, dividing people into different groups, an "us" versus "them" mentality in this opinion piece. This leads to the very bigotry the author decries. It's ironic that some who desire acceptance for themselves exhibit an essential cause of intolerance for others.
29
Everything in here and in the comments rings true. But here in Equality Central, Burlington, VT, everything changed for me yesterday when a friendly young man "corrected" that the woman in his care was not my "wife" but my "partner." Buddy, we married three years ago this week, in a church as sacred to us as yours is to you. So despite all the corporate hype, I might just make her show up with me this year to claim what's legally ours.
28
Ms. Burton is short-sighted and somewhat flippant in her remarks. First, a butch lesbian was the first person to resist arrest at the Stonewall Uprising. She rarely gets credited. Next, the drag queens there were not "trans women." It seems people are revising history to the point of exaggeration and confusion.
I am a long-time lesbian feminist activist, and I remember the earlier years of lesbian/gay marches to be protests because we did not have equal protection under the law and our sexual orientation was not socially normative. We were ostracized in most areas of our lives. Fast forward to now, and our Pride events have expanded to include gender identity and many other identities that are outside of the norm. The marches are now called parades. Our previously non-existent allies show up in large numbers now. I share with the author a full appreciation of PFLAG. They were the ONLY allies marching with us in the 1980's. We gratefully hugged them as our surrogate parents since most of our actual parents would not be caught dead marching with us.
Today's allies should be fully embraced rather than ridiculed. The author here strikes me as immature or unaware of how desperate we were for allies years ago. Any civil rights movement depends on allies from the mainstream. They model affirmation for their peers. And, Ms. Burton, the price of integration is a bit of a loss and need for identity politics. Sponsors are allies, too. Love is love.
I am a long-time lesbian feminist activist, and I remember the earlier years of lesbian/gay marches to be protests because we did not have equal protection under the law and our sexual orientation was not socially normative. We were ostracized in most areas of our lives. Fast forward to now, and our Pride events have expanded to include gender identity and many other identities that are outside of the norm. The marches are now called parades. Our previously non-existent allies show up in large numbers now. I share with the author a full appreciation of PFLAG. They were the ONLY allies marching with us in the 1980's. We gratefully hugged them as our surrogate parents since most of our actual parents would not be caught dead marching with us.
Today's allies should be fully embraced rather than ridiculed. The author here strikes me as immature or unaware of how desperate we were for allies years ago. Any civil rights movement depends on allies from the mainstream. They model affirmation for their peers. And, Ms. Burton, the price of integration is a bit of a loss and need for identity politics. Sponsors are allies, too. Love is love.
134
Yes! We're maybe 5% of the population. Without the support of the other 95%, we're not going anywhere.
18
I think this article points to an inherent problem in "radical" or transgressively-oriented communities/subcultures. The desire to be viewed as transgressive or radical, conflicts with the desire to be accepted, tolerated, treated like everyone else. For many gays and lesbians, acceptance was the primary goal, and having achieved that, they are content. For others, and it seems the author Krista may be such a one, it may be that they never actually wanted acceptance, with all that this implies. They wanted to remain on the edge -- radical, transgressive, "queer", challenging others, and because they are in that challenging role, somewhat marginalized.
But the real transgressiveness or challenge to any given culture, is not something that's fixed and concrete, that always remains the same. In San Francisco, even the kink community is not as transgressive as it once was, with suburban families now attending Folsom St Fair. The true challenge to a culture is brought by those who representing the psychological shadow of that culture, what it psychologically disowns, and that can shift depending on where you are in the world.
If you want to always be challenging to the people where you are, you need only ask yourself, "What's being left out of this picture, what's the taboo here?" and then speak to that, challenging this cultural and social "elephant in the room". And when you do, I guarantee there wont' be a parade for you.
But the real transgressiveness or challenge to any given culture, is not something that's fixed and concrete, that always remains the same. In San Francisco, even the kink community is not as transgressive as it once was, with suburban families now attending Folsom St Fair. The true challenge to a culture is brought by those who representing the psychological shadow of that culture, what it psychologically disowns, and that can shift depending on where you are in the world.
If you want to always be challenging to the people where you are, you need only ask yourself, "What's being left out of this picture, what's the taboo here?" and then speak to that, challenging this cultural and social "elephant in the room". And when you do, I guarantee there wont' be a parade for you.
30
Pride has become normal and like almost everything else in America with corporate sponsors of little league baseball and apple pie bake-offs. And the really great thing about all this is that everyone can participate gay or straight just like voting when we come of age. We can vote, but we don't have to.
7
Equality. Individual Human Rights.
5
I love the progressive liberal mentality demonizing the inclusiveness of Pride suggesting perhaps the parade and festivities are too welcoming for straight people. This unintentional epigram is another reason libertarians laugh at groups like antifa or other far left fascist pogroms against decency, a cry for equality and segregation and censorship all in one. How apocryphal to the forbearers of origin for gay rights to see political polarization dilute the 'goodness' in the fight for equality.
18
Miller lite was sponsoring gay events back in the 80's, even during the AIDS years. They were there early. So to ask where they were is sort of of odd. They were there.
44
By a certain age, even events that are only once a year can become monotonous. I saw some of the earliest parades that were up Sixth Ave. at the time, then a number on Fifth Ave. Once the novelty of women on motorcycles wore off, it seemed that there were just endless flatbed trucks with men dancing in bathing attire or less.
One of the disturbing aspects of the parade was the gender of the spectators. In the early days, there seemed to be about three males for every female. Then it changed to roughly equal numbers. My suspicion is that this reflected the impact of the AIDS epidemic. It is my unscientific guess that about 95% of gay men who were born prior to about 1960 perished in the 1980s and 1990s.
One of the disturbing aspects of the parade was the gender of the spectators. In the early days, there seemed to be about three males for every female. Then it changed to roughly equal numbers. My suspicion is that this reflected the impact of the AIDS epidemic. It is my unscientific guess that about 95% of gay men who were born prior to about 1960 perished in the 1980s and 1990s.
3
Baby, this is what you came for. It's anticlimatic in the end and, ironically, a little bit sad, but tolerance abounds in America. Find good problems somewhere else and go fight them! Pretty much, your work is done here. Thank you for your efforts.
21
This is the whining of the never happy person. Just stop it. It's unneeded, negative drama of your own making.
Pride is what you make it. Including what happens outside of the parade.
Even if you don't feel included, you can organize and march (or do some other activity) if you feel that strongly. And if you get rejected by the organizers, go anyway. It's nobody's exclusive parade. But it is the organizers' representation of what they want and what they get in terms of PR, like any other parade.
Stop making purity tests that can't be met, From corporate sponsors to gays for Trump, and sometime older gay people, the parades aren't really totally inclusive. But they are important for being. Even in the last few conflicted paragraphs you agreed with that.
Pride is what you make it. Including what happens outside of the parade.
Even if you don't feel included, you can organize and march (or do some other activity) if you feel that strongly. And if you get rejected by the organizers, go anyway. It's nobody's exclusive parade. But it is the organizers' representation of what they want and what they get in terms of PR, like any other parade.
Stop making purity tests that can't be met, From corporate sponsors to gays for Trump, and sometime older gay people, the parades aren't really totally inclusive. But they are important for being. Even in the last few conflicted paragraphs you agreed with that.
34
If you didn't see any anger at Pride during the early 2000s, at the height of the battle for marriage, as the GOP used us a wedge issue to "preserve America", you weren't looking very hard.
61
Among her reminiscences, Krista Burton asks: “Where were any of these companies when a single corporation standing up for queer rights would have stood out like a lit “Golden Girls” prayer candle in an endless night of straight missionary sex?” Where indeed were those companies is a question that might have been asked by Blacks, Hispanics, women, Jews, Native Americans, Asians, physically and mentally challenged people, and others in addition to the L.G.B.T.Q.I.A. community. Never conflate the aims of corporate culture with any other kinds of culture. Corporations always attempt to make a profit and if a wide variety of people become commodified as part of the process, well that’s just how things work. The irony is of course that the process of commodification turns the “outsiders” into “insiders,” at least in the corporate/media sense, and the double-irony is that while something may be lost in translation, something is also gained.
13
I am 56. I haven't been to a Pride March since about 2001. Most of my LGBTQ friends make it a point to be out of town when the March takes place. However, the writer's remarks about PFLAG resonated deeply with me. When I was in graduate school, more than 30 years ago, I felt that it was time to come out to my family. I told my mother first. She told me that she cried for 3 days and then joined PFLAG (she was, after all, a Jewish mother). She became the co-President of Long Island PFAG, and she marched in that parade every year. I went to the Parade to march with her. She was an activist for LGBTQ rights, taking bus trips to Albany to protest some discriminatory proposed law or other. She told me numerous times that she wanted to make the world a better place for homosexuals (her words). That is the only reason that I went to the parade; to support my mother, who was more of an LGBTQ activist than I ever was. She died in 2002 of cancer, and I miss her terribly.
133
Nothing quite surpasses the spectacle of identity groups eating their own - the horror of monogamous gay couples with a mortgage - corporate jobs and multi-generational families marching in your parade.
39
I am a gay white man who has been out for 35+ years and who has attended many Pride events and other LGBT functions. I was with you up until the end where you say that you "hate" that gay, white men are the privileged class of the LGBT community.
You are absolutely right. But don't ever discount the fact that it was gay, white men who paved the way for people like you. We were the ones who came out years ago at the risk of losing our jobs. We were the ones who organized the marches and fought for anti-discrimination laws. We were the ones who were routinely assaulted on the street. We were the ones who buried our friends when AIDS ravaged our community.
Like it or not, you stand on our shoulders. And I am very proud of that.
You are absolutely right. But don't ever discount the fact that it was gay, white men who paved the way for people like you. We were the ones who came out years ago at the risk of losing our jobs. We were the ones who organized the marches and fought for anti-discrimination laws. We were the ones who were routinely assaulted on the street. We were the ones who buried our friends when AIDS ravaged our community.
Like it or not, you stand on our shoulders. And I am very proud of that.
163
I'm a lesbian who came out on the East Coast in 1971 and attended my first Pride parade in San Francisco in 1978. I'm disappointed that we're still having conflicts between gay cis men, lesbians, and various otherwise-identified LGBTQ+ people. HEJ, you may not remember it but many lesbians literally cradled the shoulders of many, many dying gay men starting in the 80s, or that lesbians and - sometimes especially - trans people have been right there with gay men in losing jobs, organizing, and being brutalized. I hope we can all remember that if Mike Pence and others like him were to get their way, life could get harder for all of us again, in which case I'd be delighted to have corporate and straight America on my side. Maybe we should all save our criticisms for the people who really would like to harm us rather than for the people who aren't exactly like us, and stand on firm ground together.
41
"[M]ore minds are opened to the possibility that we gays might just be regular people, after all."
"I remember how exciting it was to feel seen by Big Media, to be noticed or mentioned by anyone at all in straight culture."
Seeking "regularity" recognized by "Big Media" is the essence of American happiness, right?
"I remember how exciting it was to feel seen by Big Media, to be noticed or mentioned by anyone at all in straight culture."
Seeking "regularity" recognized by "Big Media" is the essence of American happiness, right?
5
The Pride Parade changed when the politicians started marching. Before that It was a protest -- We're here, we're queer, get used to it.
We were the non-conforming outsiders. After the politicians saw all those votes and joined the march, we were no longer outsiders, to them. Hey join the party, start to conform, be like us. You are just like us, only different.
Part of the parade Is still our party. But most now is vote for me, support our cause, buy our gay friendly product. Just like the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
We were the non-conforming outsiders. After the politicians saw all those votes and joined the march, we were no longer outsiders, to them. Hey join the party, start to conform, be like us. You are just like us, only different.
Part of the parade Is still our party. But most now is vote for me, support our cause, buy our gay friendly product. Just like the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
35
Bella Abzug and Ed Koch, who represented Greenwich Village in Congress, started marching in NYC's Pride marches in the 1970s.
12
This is the United States. Of course Pride is being co-opted by corporations. That's the US version of acceptance, the national bar mitzvah, and it's a good thing. Corporations are rather more steady in their positions than the US government has proven to be. At most 5-7% of Americans are LGBTQ and with those base numbers you need allies. Are there better, stronger allies than Google and Apple? No, there are not.
26
I visited my first Pride Parade only this year, because as a straight cis person I did not want to intrude into a space clearly not meant for me. But because there is no progress on LGBTI matters here in Germany, i decided this year that showing my support was more important than ever.
So I relaxed my stand and went to the protest portion of a locale Pride Parade, leaving right after before the party portion started.
I hope I have hit a good balance between intruding into a LGBTI space and trying to help, and I will keep this up until things get better.
So I relaxed my stand and went to the protest portion of a locale Pride Parade, leaving right after before the party portion started.
I hope I have hit a good balance between intruding into a LGBTI space and trying to help, and I will keep this up until things get better.
18
I hope the author, and everyone reading this, will march with the Resistance contingent at the front of this year's March. We are protesting the current Administration for exactly the reasons she states!
11
If you're not hearing about Stonewall, I would argue you're perhaps not listening. I participate in groups where politics still turn on the lessons of Stonewall and concern that under the current administration, hard-earned rights may be turned back. Attitudes may have changed in urban areas, but there is still plenty of ant-gay rhetoric out there.
We work to educate about Methamphetamine and the rise of unsafe sex in an age of Prep. This is not just an LGBTQ topic either.
Of course corporations are opportunistic, but we should be glad that our market is seen as an opportunity.
I for one am also happy to see straight parents with kids at Pride. Why? Because I also see straight parents accepting the questioning gender identity of their teenagers who can do it openly. Certainly much more than when I was young.
Diversity, inclusiveness and acceptance are what we have striven for. If that means corporations and strollers, let's look for the positive in that. And do your part to make sure the history is known to provide context for the celebration.
We work to educate about Methamphetamine and the rise of unsafe sex in an age of Prep. This is not just an LGBTQ topic either.
Of course corporations are opportunistic, but we should be glad that our market is seen as an opportunity.
I for one am also happy to see straight parents with kids at Pride. Why? Because I also see straight parents accepting the questioning gender identity of their teenagers who can do it openly. Certainly much more than when I was young.
Diversity, inclusiveness and acceptance are what we have striven for. If that means corporations and strollers, let's look for the positive in that. And do your part to make sure the history is known to provide context for the celebration.
27
Houston's Pride event has become so large that the parade route had to be moved downtown from the original Montrose neighborhood location which for decades has been LGBT headquarters (less so today owing to gentrification). Last year's attendance exceeded 500,000. This in deep red Texas! Other than a few church groups protesting the event, it's a joyous family friendly occasion.
25
Krista Burton is a bit hard on corporations. Their mandate, after all, is to make money for their shareholders by expanding market share, and making their stocks more appealing to investors.
If they were actual people, we could judge them for their mercenary motives in everything they do. But they are not, in fact, people, despite what our Supreme Court has ruled.
If they were actual people, we could judge them for their mercenary motives in everything they do. But they are not, in fact, people, despite what our Supreme Court has ruled.
13
Many of these corporations have been pushed by their own employees to be more inclusive. As companies like IBM (the first), Apple, and others, have embraced their LGBTQ employees (knowing that to do otherwise sends top talent to their competition) they have become more and more brave about being out in the public sphere. Much of this editorial smacks of a complacency uninformed by the grueling struggles most of us endured to get to where we are today. No, it's not perfect, and we have a long way to go (Lesbians still lose custody of their children in some states, and in others, gay people are barred from adopting children, in spite of marriage equality handed down by SCOTUS), but we have to keep going, and be as visible as possible. No one really wants to go back to the bad old days when people were regularly beaten or killed for being gay -- the fate many of our trans family still endure with horrifying regularity -- and suffered even worse discrimination that we see today. Being out is how we show people that we're just like everyone else, in the way that really matters ... we are human.
15
I agree with every point made by the author, and in particular recognize that no corporation would support LGBT rights, or anyone else's rights, if it didn't benefit them financially to do so. I am, generally, no cheerleader for corporations, and for sure do not regard them as "people." That being said, in the wake of a draconian and discriminatory law in N. Carolina that did harm to its LGBT residents, it was the clout of corporations, including the NCAA, PayPal and others, that forced their legislature to rethink their policy and legislation. No Pride parade nor any other group of individuals could have had the same clout as big corporations and the money, and therefore influence, they have. Is that fair? Absolutely not. But it is reality. So, if Pride parades have adopted the look of a Disney parade with all of their corporate floats, we can take that as a sign that we have enlisted their clout and influence on our behalf for a good we want.
79
My first Gay Pride March was with my partner in 1979. It was a fairly small group that departed from Christopher Square and marched to Central Park for a rally. The BEST march was the day in 1986, we took our infant daughter to the march. It was a much bigger event and I stood holding my daughter on 57th street as people passed by. She was just over three months old and for three hours, she was mesmerized by the music, chants and the crowds.
My partner (of 38 years or spouse of 3 years) and I are about to become grandmothers for the first time. Maybe next year we will take our granddaughter to the parade.
My partner (of 38 years or spouse of 3 years) and I are about to become grandmothers for the first time. Maybe next year we will take our granddaughter to the parade.
65
Another queer who participated in that 1979 March. My feelings about gay pride marches has evolved over years. I have not yet missed a gay pride parade in my neighborhood (Jackson Heights) or in Manhattan. I remain a fiercely proud gay man. I am however disappointed on how the 'gay movement' marginalizes other queer people because of race, gender identity, age and so many other identifiers. This, I think, is a sad reflection of the society at large that we live in: everyone wants to be included and everyone has those that they either consciously or unconsciously want to exclude. We all need to grow up.
48
Congratulations to your family and may you enjoy many more PRIDE moments.
2
"It gets more inclusive and welcoming every year, and as the queers become less threatening, more straight people come, and more minds are opened to the possibility that we gays might just be regular people, after all."
For 15 years I lived in Chicago's Lincoln Park. The Gay Pride parade came right down the street at the end of my block. I loved the energy, the beats, the colors, and exuberance. Still, I have always felt that if there is one thing the Pride parade does, it's suggest that GLBT folks are, in fact NOT, just "regular people." Please note - I believe that most GLBT folks ARE just regular people. That said, the Speedos, sensual dance, shirt lifting etc., etc., certainly are behaviors far from what the average hetero would do in public.
Most gays I know - and there are many, including cousins, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and acquaintances - are truly just like hetero folks, i.e., they go to work, go home, fix dinner, and flop before the TV. They have dinner with friends, fret over their jobs, sometimes worry about their kid's education or playground, fight with their mothers, struggle with their weight, and dream about their next vacation or retirement or their next, better job. Personally, I think that Pride events, for much of the country, conveys something far different about who GLBT folks are. That may be just fine, preferable even, to our "queer" author, but it is worth noting.
For 15 years I lived in Chicago's Lincoln Park. The Gay Pride parade came right down the street at the end of my block. I loved the energy, the beats, the colors, and exuberance. Still, I have always felt that if there is one thing the Pride parade does, it's suggest that GLBT folks are, in fact NOT, just "regular people." Please note - I believe that most GLBT folks ARE just regular people. That said, the Speedos, sensual dance, shirt lifting etc., etc., certainly are behaviors far from what the average hetero would do in public.
Most gays I know - and there are many, including cousins, friends, co-workers, neighbors, and acquaintances - are truly just like hetero folks, i.e., they go to work, go home, fix dinner, and flop before the TV. They have dinner with friends, fret over their jobs, sometimes worry about their kid's education or playground, fight with their mothers, struggle with their weight, and dream about their next vacation or retirement or their next, better job. Personally, I think that Pride events, for much of the country, conveys something far different about who GLBT folks are. That may be just fine, preferable even, to our "queer" author, but it is worth noting.
91
One historical part of Pride is that this "far different" behavior as you so describe is accepted, welcomed, and affirmed. It puts on display within a community behaviors that in part reflect the diversity and energy of the community. That you do not seem to approve of it is part of why this author is questioning for whom Pride still exists. Pride is not a play and you are not the audience whose approval is sought. The very fact that you put "queer" in quotation marks speaks volumes.
5
@Anne-Marie Hislop: But this depends on how you define "regular people," doesn't it? Maybe for you this means "truly just like hetero folks." For others it means simply flesh and blood, with the capacity to love and be loved.
6
Thirty years ago, I was at the October 1987 March on Washington because people were dying, rights were nonexistent and it was important.
I haven't been to a pride event in 10 years; contrary to what this young author asserts, it isn't inclusive and welcoming to everyone: I'm 55 and felt aged out of being welcome a decade ago. I've lived with HIV for a quarter century, been there when being there mattered and feel left out of the party.
All the progress is wonderful; it's what I worked toward 30 years ago. But it leaves a lot of us who actually made that happen feel left out. Sorry to sound bitter, but it wasn't always a socially acceptable party. People need to know that and people need to remember that there is a generation who paid a high price for all the progress they take for granted.
I haven't been to a pride event in 10 years; contrary to what this young author asserts, it isn't inclusive and welcoming to everyone: I'm 55 and felt aged out of being welcome a decade ago. I've lived with HIV for a quarter century, been there when being there mattered and feel left out of the party.
All the progress is wonderful; it's what I worked toward 30 years ago. But it leaves a lot of us who actually made that happen feel left out. Sorry to sound bitter, but it wasn't always a socially acceptable party. People need to know that and people need to remember that there is a generation who paid a high price for all the progress they take for granted.
216
AMEN, Matt! The author so blithely complains about people who don't fit her definition of properly oppressed attending the parade, apparently unaware of what a powerful statement it was to have anyone at all show up to cheer on gay pride events in the 70s and 80s.
2
I don't know about DC, Matt, but I've participated in the NYC Pride parade several times with a whole bunch of gay men 20 to 30 years older than you are, and they were treated like they owned the place.
Maybe it's time for you to move...
Maybe it's time for you to move...
7
Pride helps normalize the gay community so everyone else can see that the LGBT community is just like any other group, a little quirky but in general really good people. Even though it's become family friendly and a little corporate it's still very much needed. People who live in intolerant areas need to know that they are part of a larger community, it gives them hope. Also, bigots need to see that the LGBT community is here to stay regardless of petty prejudices.
128
The first pride parade in San Francisco was us showing the rest of he world who we were as we marched defiant down Polk Street. Underneath it was hope that we'be accepted but I can't imagine any of them thinking, Gee I hope some day I can own a home in the suburbs. For us the days of wishing we could be straight were already faded teenage longings. Out Ch allege today is keeping that spirit of in your face revolution alive.
1
I attended Pride with my partner last year for the first time in nearly 10 years, and we were both struck by how corporate and family-friendly the event had become. Liberation has come and gone, and assimilation is the theme of the day. What made me realize that Pride still has meaning was seeing what it meant to the groups of immigrants from countries that are hostile to gays. I know the US doesn't always feel progressive, and it's easy to look at things myopically from a place of comfort. There are some terrible corners of the world for the LGBT community, and Pride is still a way of demonstrating visibility and strength, despite Wal-Mart's presence.
My experience last year also included being pushed aside by a young family. Unlike the author, I won't dwell on their race. Speaking about each other in monolithic terms such as race are part of what is wrong our political dialog today. It's disturbing that, like the author, so many in the LGBT community are wrapping themselves in righteousness and poking fingers in other's eyes. If you feel that Pride isn't representative enough for you, then enter the parade. Or better yet, start your own, and show the world how fabulous you really are. Stop whining and blaming others, and start doing something positive for everyone.
My experience last year also included being pushed aside by a young family. Unlike the author, I won't dwell on their race. Speaking about each other in monolithic terms such as race are part of what is wrong our political dialog today. It's disturbing that, like the author, so many in the LGBT community are wrapping themselves in righteousness and poking fingers in other's eyes. If you feel that Pride isn't representative enough for you, then enter the parade. Or better yet, start your own, and show the world how fabulous you really are. Stop whining and blaming others, and start doing something positive for everyone.
189