I read all of the Game of Thrones books (as well as lots of fun mysteries (the Connelly Bosch series, Scandinavian series), and interesting historical books I'd never had time to read, like Team of Rivals) while I was on maternity leave, much of it while breast feeding - holding the paperback with one hand. I had so much time to read what I wanted to, it was amazing! Read books NOT about motherhood (you will get enough of that each & every day!), and abandon anything that feels "heavy" - having a newborn is tough enough without angsty, depressing or hyper intelligent reading material.
So glad The Bluejay's Dance is on this list. That was the title I immediately thought of when I read the headline, despite its not being a novel. There is so much beauty and insight in this book.
Read positive, feel good books; of which, unfortunately there are very few. Every emotion you feel will be communicated to the baby. Read children's books that see the world through a child's eyes. Read books which are universal in their message, not culture bound; which are refreshing and take you into another world. Read Heidi. Don't read dreary 21st century books full of existential misery.
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A Life's Work by Rachel Cusk
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Another vote for Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions," which I read while waiting to be induced (!). Also another vote for distraction - I didn't always want to be thinking/worrying about what would happen when the baby arrived, as my overwrought brain and hormones were already in overdrive, so I read a lot of Agatha Christie mysteries. Good luck and peace to you!
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Afterthought: the great Helen Simpson writes hilarious, moving stories that focus on motherhood and domestic relations-- haven't read the newest, but love the early collections. Get a Life, Four Legs in a Bed, Constitutional, In the Driver's Seat. May have some British/American versions mixed up there. Her sentences are great, too. Another motherhood-story I loved is Judith Budnitz' Miracle-- more dark and uncanny. Maybe wait on that one, a bit. Also recommend Penelope Leach's books on baby care-- very grounded and conversational, like a good chat. Your Baby and Child. Leach got a lot of grief for Children First but I thought she was right on target. Here's another resource for raising babies in the age of screens and social media-- the Alliance for Childhood, which works to keep active and imaginative play in children's lives at home and at school. Don't think I can post URL here, but you will find this organization online.
Not a novel but as fascinating a read ... As a new-to-be mother 46 years ago, I relished every word of "The Rights of Infants," by Margaret Ribble MD, a slim book from the 1940's that I found for 25¢ at a used bookshop. It was my introduction to the astounding developmental stages of babies, and influenced profoundly my parenting. It's still around. And I still have my old hardcover copy. (Equally good: anything by Yale researchers Frances Ilg and Louise Bates Ames.)
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I agree with the other comment here about Lilli de Jong! I have an almost-2-year-old and have read no better fictional depiction of what it’s like to become a new mom: the radical shift in identity, the sudden responsibility, and the intense love. A gorgeous novel that will give you a taste of everything you have to look forward to. (This is NOT the time for The Handmaid's Tale!)
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Try "Operating Instructions" by Annie Lamott.
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Eleven Hours is an incredible novel, but definitely NOT for someone who is about to give birth for the first time. It's terrifying! Stay away until after you have had your baby!
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Load up your kindle now! If your post partum time is anything like mind, you will spend many hours with one arm trapped beneath a sleeping baby, and being able to switch between books and turn pages with just your thumb will be essential. I found The Collected Stories of Lydia Davis deeply consoling at this by turns intense, beautiful and insanely dull time. Her descriptions of parenthood, especially parenting an infant made me feel less crazy.
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Anne Lamotte's "operating instructions" is a journal of the first year of her son's life. It's funny, sweet,
messy and real.
messy and real.
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Anne Lamott, Operating instructions is great book about motherhood.
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I recommend Great With Child by Beth Ann Fennelly and Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott. Nonfiction, but none patronizing or preachy. Making Babies by Anne Enright is supposed to be good. Reading The Handmaid's Tale during pregnancy sounds rough. If you're looking for fiction, Elizabeth Strout writes some interesting mothers, though not exactly role models.
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I found Anne Lamott's Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year insightful, funny and tender.
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I have a few thoughts based on my own experience as a parent and avid reader. I want to begin by saying that I fell in love with my daughter before she was born. This does not, of course, happen to everyone; some parents take longer. But it will happen. My baby also knew what she was doing, and taught me about motherhood once I realized that at least one of us was an expert!
Most advice-to-new-parents books seem to be written by people who never had children. Each child is different, and yours may or may not fit a mold. That doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. And there are as many ways to raise a child as their are parents.
Read Bad Mother, by Ayelet Waldman. I loved this book, not least because it allowed me to realize that not all mothers are perfect. Then read her Nursery Crimes mystery series.
Do not read The Handmaid's Tale. I read it when my daughter was five, and it completely freaked me out. You will never let your child out of your sight again. And you will donate all your money to the ACLU immediately.
Many novels try to give some idea of what parenthood is like. Try to avoid any that give a negative view of parenthood. Do not read any book that would make you feel that becoming a parent is a bad idea or that there is only one kind of parent, or that your child will be irretrievably harmed if you let him or her eat a hot dog. It's too late, for one thing, and why cast a pall on what should be an incredibly happy moment?
Most advice-to-new-parents books seem to be written by people who never had children. Each child is different, and yours may or may not fit a mold. That doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. And there are as many ways to raise a child as their are parents.
Read Bad Mother, by Ayelet Waldman. I loved this book, not least because it allowed me to realize that not all mothers are perfect. Then read her Nursery Crimes mystery series.
Do not read The Handmaid's Tale. I read it when my daughter was five, and it completely freaked me out. You will never let your child out of your sight again. And you will donate all your money to the ACLU immediately.
Many novels try to give some idea of what parenthood is like. Try to avoid any that give a negative view of parenthood. Do not read any book that would make you feel that becoming a parent is a bad idea or that there is only one kind of parent, or that your child will be irretrievably harmed if you let him or her eat a hot dog. It's too late, for one thing, and why cast a pall on what should be an incredibly happy moment?
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Highly recommend 'The Snow Child.' It's a beautiful story.
I'd recommend "The Argonauts" by Maggie Nelson. It is a raw, wonderfully human account of the beginning and the end of life. Nelson incorporates personal vignettes and quotes from literature, philosophy, and psychology in an effortless and thought-provoking way. I'd recommend it to anyone, but I found her reflections on motherhood to be particularly moving.
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What better preparation than to read Lilli de Jong by Janet Benton. A loving, compassionate and fierce tribute to motherhood. It's all in there- love, sex, pregnancy, birth, nursing, frustration, anger, passion, heartache, It's in diary format, a Quaker tale- fascinating feminist story w/ historical detail and grit. The writing is gorgeous. Sensory detail to feast upon.
Have you read To the Lighthouse? Can hardly think of a more compelling exploration of a mother (or motherhood) than Woolf's portrait of Mrs. Ramsey. Woolf saw motherhood as a vocation just as vital as any other human endeavor and she juxtaposes Mrs Ramsey's endeavors with those of the other characters who pursue art or scholarship to make the point. To the Lighthouse is a gorgeous meditation on raising children, the passage of time, the meaning of life-- just right for someone about to bring children into the world.
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I read Anna Karenina right after having my son, and strongly identified with Anna's love for her son Sergey. Elena Ferrante's Neapolitan quartet depicts womanhood and motherhood with visceral honesty. Bringing Up Bebe is a fun read for new moms. Those are a few that I enjoyed when I was a new mom, your mileage may vary.
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Read all the books you want, but just know that nothing can quite prepare you. Listen to your baby, s/he will teach you.
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Great list - I would add Jenny Offil's Department of Speculation. Lovely book that is quick and easy to read but deeply layered and incredibly moving. Read this on maternity leave and revisited later before passing along to a pregnant friend.
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My third was a week late. In the week between her due date and her arrival, I devoured the Neapolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante. They spoke to my soul in a way few other recent books have. A feminist perspective on relationships, politics, work, parenting, etc. I credit them with helping me survive the last week and recommend them to all my friends (expecting mothers or otherwise.)
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I'd say read Irish Murdoch, maybe The Sea, The Sea or The Philosopher's Pupil. No, they aren't books about motherhood, but reading Iris Murdoch has always made me feel smarter, sort of the way listening to Stravinsky does: I don't know what it is about them, but it's true. Anyway, in a couple of months when you are having a super-tired day, and the baby is cranky, and you don't quite recognize yourself, you can remember reading Iris Murdoch not so long ago and tell yourself, Okay, see? I did that. And I thought interesting things about it, right? And even though on that day it might feel like you will never regain that level of sharpness, know that someday, yes, you will. And smile, and kiss your baby, and look forward to it.
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A cautionary tale would be The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, essentially about a woman with post-partum depression. Read if you really want to be prepared for an event that isn't all joy and light. Forewarned is fore-armed.
I think you mean Gilman's "Making a Change", a story which is included in my copy of her "The Yellow Wall-Paper." The title story's heroine doesn't appear to have children (she has other mental/emotional problems), but the young mother in "Making a Change" seems to have post-partum depression and attempts suicide. She is saved by her mother-in-law, who suggests a change that makes all the difference.
This story gives an idea of the deep disapproval husbands experienced at that time when their wives work outside the home.
This story gives an idea of the deep disapproval husbands experienced at that time when their wives work outside the home.
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Books can be slightly helpful. But it is difficult to learn this subject completely from books. Ask you mother , mother in law, aunt sister friend etc. Most usefull knowledge comes from sincere previous mothers that really care for you and your child
Laurie Colwin's "Goodbye Without Leaving" is lovely. It's about life more than motherhood, but the middle section includes a pregnancy and rearing a young child, portrayed in a modern, authentic, and positive way. I've read it several times, the first time when I was pregnant with my first child.
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I couldn't believe Match Book missed Goodbye without Leaving and instead focused so much on pregnancy and giving birth which really has little to do with issues of motherhood.
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Ironically, suggesting a book about motherhood to someone on the cusp of motherhood might the only time not to recommend Brit Bennett's "The Mothers."
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Don't read books about motherhood, read books about marriage/relationships. From my experience, the books I should have been reading were about how children really do change people (my friend doesn't know how any marriage survives after kids) after a baby enters the picture. Children are great, but if you want to keep your partner for the long haul, read about that!
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Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel has been an amazing resource for me. Married, no kids, but planning on starting a family next year. Agree that nothing can quite prepare you for the experience, but armed is better than getting blind sighted!