This author does not have a clue about actual parenting. Judith Schulevitiz had it right when she said, "As the pornography industry explores the darkest reaches of the human psyche in search of profits, liberals may want to rethink the assumption that only archconservatives would try to stop children from going there, too."
1
I apologize for attacking the author. It was a knee jerk response. It was not her intention to "normalize" the twisted porn that pops up on places like porn hub. It is just hard, as a parent, when things like this are taken so light heartedly with little finger wagging or societal shame. "The difficult conversations" are all left to the parent with little or no help from others. At one time morality was something that society cared about, but now liberals are amoral and it is the parents job to define the rules of engagement.
I talked to my son when he was 13 or 14 about pornography. I told him how fake it is and how it distorts people's ideas about relating to others sexually. What seemed to make it easy to talk about and for him to understand was to explain that pornography is to healthy sex as junk food is to real, healthy food.
4
Clicking on a bad link, even once, will provide your chid with numerous emails and popups of porn. I solved the problem by replying to each such solicitation with the following "This email belongs to a child. I have forwarded it to [email protected]. Sincerely, Mrs. WER " and the emails went away VERY quickly!
10
"Preteenagers may stumble across images..."
*snort* ... "Preteenagers will likely seek out images.."
There I fixed it for you.
*snort* ... "Preteenagers will likely seek out images.."
There I fixed it for you.
2
Correlation between rising availability (consumption?) of pornography with declining reported incidence of sexual violence and sexually transmitted diseases and teen pregnancy, and more remarkably, slight delays in age of first sexual experiences among adolescents, makes me wonder if porn has pacified a lot of young men. It's never been easier, or more gratifying, to isolate one's self than it is now. "Yeah, I'd like to get into a relationship, but girls can be a hassle--I'm fine with my porn." Does this resonate?
5
“Most of the indicators about sexual risk-taking have actually been moving in a very positive direction over the past 20 years,” he said. Dr. Finkelhor cited sharp decreases in arrests of teenagers for sexual assault and aggression, national surveys showing decreased reports of sexual victimization among teenagers"
So why is The Times so eager to propagate lies about the "hunting grounds" of college and use inflated statistics that would mean women in college are raped more often than in African war zones? Does going from a high school senior to a college freshman turn men into monsters?
That said, thank for not quoting some radical gender studies professor equating pornography with the subjugation of women.
So why is The Times so eager to propagate lies about the "hunting grounds" of college and use inflated statistics that would mean women in college are raped more often than in African war zones? Does going from a high school senior to a college freshman turn men into monsters?
That said, thank for not quoting some radical gender studies professor equating pornography with the subjugation of women.
2
The article is focusing on children and young teens who are generally still under parental care, and the issue is about monitoring and managing online porn which has become a problem in need of attention over the twenty year span cited.
College students from that same span of time have/had already been exposed, have already been part of the heretofore unmonitored and unmanaged, and are away from parents, supervising adults. The likelihood of engaging in sexual situations is higher, the physiological differences are greater in terms of strength or ability to overpower, there is ready access to alcohol and incapacitating drugs, and the horrors of the frat system are in full play. So, they kind of are not the same things being discussed. College is indeed a hunting ground. You just don't want to hear about it.
College students from that same span of time have/had already been exposed, have already been part of the heretofore unmonitored and unmanaged, and are away from parents, supervising adults. The likelihood of engaging in sexual situations is higher, the physiological differences are greater in terms of strength or ability to overpower, there is ready access to alcohol and incapacitating drugs, and the horrors of the frat system are in full play. So, they kind of are not the same things being discussed. College is indeed a hunting ground. You just don't want to hear about it.
2
Things haven't changed since I was a kid and viewed pornography at the local bookstore, except that I didn't have access to gay porn which would have made growing up gay easier to deal with. And the bookstore has been replaced by the Internet.
3
I love porn. I have submitted several amateur videos, and several of them have hit over 50,000 views.
For me. porn has been empowering. I also like watching porn, but Id say I watch it maybe once a week.
Im a trangender woman in a polyamorous relationship with 4 people, so some people would say I have radical sexual values. I also live in a world of safe sex, consent, and doing fun and new things.
I watch porn and have made porn. I think it feels empowering to make a video of me having consensual sex with my partner and do some pony play and post it to Xhamster or Xtube. It also make you gain a lot of self esteem when 5000 people write you a comment saying some variation of, "you are so hot.".
For me. porn has been empowering. I also like watching porn, but Id say I watch it maybe once a week.
Im a trangender woman in a polyamorous relationship with 4 people, so some people would say I have radical sexual values. I also live in a world of safe sex, consent, and doing fun and new things.
I watch porn and have made porn. I think it feels empowering to make a video of me having consensual sex with my partner and do some pony play and post it to Xhamster or Xtube. It also make you gain a lot of self esteem when 5000 people write you a comment saying some variation of, "you are so hot.".
2
I would have dreaded learning about sex from my parents. I learned on the street corners and much turned out to be bogus. I think it should be taught by professionals in school, including technique. Really good porn is much too hard to come by. We were Puritans in the 1950s when even the words toilet and pregnant were banned from TV. And of course, the country went through a massive meltdown when Clark Gable closed the movie "Gone with the Wind" with the phrase, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn". I think all in all, we are a little bit better off, but we should be extremely much better off. Sex is too wonderful to be left to the clergy. Clemenceau said something similar.
3
Chris rock has a line that goes like this " women , don't trust your men, he's been watching porn since he was 12". My then teenage son watched this show on Netflix too so I used that line to talk about pornography with him. I raise him in my own and never thought of talking about pornography with him before I heard this line. It wasn't really hard because we already talked about sex frequently before that . I think it depends of the relationship you have with your child. I talk to my son openly about life and didn't feel needing a man to talk to him about anything , including pornography .
5
‘I would prefer it if you would explore your sexuality in other ways,’
Meaning? I'm not so sure the "other ways" are so much safer than pornography that parents should encourage their teenage children to seek them out so soon:
1) The act itself involves a whole new level of responsibility to protect oneself and the partner from diseases and/or pregnancy.
2) Seeking out partners exposes teens to a whole new level of internet dangers.
Meaning? I'm not so sure the "other ways" are so much safer than pornography that parents should encourage their teenage children to seek them out so soon:
1) The act itself involves a whole new level of responsibility to protect oneself and the partner from diseases and/or pregnancy.
2) Seeking out partners exposes teens to a whole new level of internet dangers.
1
Hi Tom,
I provided more context to my quote in another comment from a reader that made a point similar to yours.
The "other ways" to explore sexual curiosity I was referring to include teen oriented sex-education websites (scarleteen.com is a great resource to start with); developmentally-appropriate books that discuss sex and/or relationships; and talking to parents/caregivers. Whatever option you choose, I strongly encourage parents to co-view the resource with your child and allow them privacy.
I posted another comment with more resources and suggestions. The character limits prevent me from copy/pasting the info here though. I hope these are helpful for you and other readers!
I provided more context to my quote in another comment from a reader that made a point similar to yours.
The "other ways" to explore sexual curiosity I was referring to include teen oriented sex-education websites (scarleteen.com is a great resource to start with); developmentally-appropriate books that discuss sex and/or relationships; and talking to parents/caregivers. Whatever option you choose, I strongly encourage parents to co-view the resource with your child and allow them privacy.
I posted another comment with more resources and suggestions. The character limits prevent me from copy/pasting the info here though. I hope these are helpful for you and other readers!
I am in my 80s, but can anyone else recall when the Boy Scouts Manual went into near hysteria about the horrors associated with masturbation? How on earth did sex get associated with talking dirty?
4
I think it is in our best interest, and our children's best interest, to get parents/guardians educated as to what type of material is best to use to help educate and inform the young person and for parents to review and learn the information so comfortable and relaxed conversations can be developed. We need to remember that this would be their first formal exposure, and it is up to the parents/guardians to make sure it is well controlled, rolled out with care and never sidesteps the difficult questions.
Sex is part of a healthy adult relationship, and we need to emphasize that. It is one of the three basic drives in life. We wouldn't deny anyone food or sleep, and we talk about food and sleep excessively. Sex is no different. These same youngsters can then develop their own sexuality from a healthy starter base. This would aid and promote a good parental relationship. Kids will always need their parents to fall back on; no one will care for you or love you like your parents. And when it comes to the most delicate of topics, these conversations could be invaluable.
Sex is part of a healthy adult relationship, and we need to emphasize that. It is one of the three basic drives in life. We wouldn't deny anyone food or sleep, and we talk about food and sleep excessively. Sex is no different. These same youngsters can then develop their own sexuality from a healthy starter base. This would aid and promote a good parental relationship. Kids will always need their parents to fall back on; no one will care for you or love you like your parents. And when it comes to the most delicate of topics, these conversations could be invaluable.
2
When I was this age the most sexually explicit pictures I could get my hands on were pretty much to be found in the lingerie section of the Sears catalog and I have occasionally wondered what it would have been like to be a teenager in our current age of unfettered access to pornography. I am, however, reassured by the overwhelming data and evidence that appear to show there is no negative effects whatsoever on the behavior of these young people as they grow older, especially as it pertains to young men. As the article points out, indicators as they pertain to high risk sexual behavior have been moving in a positive direction for several decades now. In a sense, it reminds me of the debate of how watching violent movies might turn people more violent, or the (slightly) later debate regarding violence in video games, neither which have created a generation of monsters.
4
Very good article, maybe include the links to the websites for sex education for teens that parents can use for discussion with kids. Too many kids are pressured at a younger age, things like posing for photos and sending explicit images are normalising objectification and sexuality at an age that is too young. Doesn't help that kids see people like Kardashians making loads of money from sex tapes and explicit photos, yet trying to sell themselves as 'empowered' women.
8
Sorry but 13 sounds too old for a first exposure, I think it was younger than that even when I was a kid and there were just magazines. With all that is explicit and perverse online and free, it is extremely important to get to your child first. Besides, sex is a normal part of life, literally birds, bees, and mammals if you will. Children should be taught to understand the difference between normal sexual behavior between consenting adults ("average" or vanilla so to speak) and fringe/kink before they are exposed to the latter. Some of that stuff could be really traumatizing.
2
I always thought I wanted kids but now I'm not so sure.
6
As a man who was there for the internet's birth, Sigmund Freud would've been blown away by how obsessed people really are with sex. Rather than using the internet for truth; fake news and pornography have taken over. Watching porno doesn't create violent or warped minds...its just makes people more indifferent to our throw-away culture. Parents should be proactive in blocking it, as well as telling their children how much of a production team is present to film them. It's imperative they know it's fantasy used to brainwash people into thinking that human-consumption is normal, when it isn't, because it's a business capitalizing on exploitation. Children need to know feeling sexy or wanting to feel desired doesn't mean you have to show the world your "goods," because that's ultimately what the business wants from us; which is, flesh for fantasy.
10
My son was into computers as early as eight years old. At about thirteen he showed me a collection he had of porn images. I was surprised and I remember that the hair stood up on the back of my neck as he flashed through them and I said, "Normal, normal, not normal....". That seemed to be the unstated question.
8
Some of this should be taught to children especially because parents may not feel comfortable discussing it. Being prepared is better than being surprised and children do not always go to their parents about these things. I well remember my decision to get my information from books rather than my parents. My parents never answered my questions without asking why in a manner guaranteed to make me feel guilty for asking. It didn't help that I knew I was different but didn't know how. I learned that years later, in college, when I realized that I was a lesbian. And back in those days there was no one to talk to. I couldn't count on my parents acceptance. It wasn't something to mention casually to a friend.
So, to reiterate, it's better to prepare children for what they may come across rather than not tell them anything at all. And maintaining an accepting attitude or not accusing them of being bad while explaining what they saw depending upon their ability to understand is also important.
So, to reiterate, it's better to prepare children for what they may come across rather than not tell them anything at all. And maintaining an accepting attitude or not accusing them of being bad while explaining what they saw depending upon their ability to understand is also important.
15
the filtered onesMy recollection is the guy who dispensed his "knowledge" about sex got it from magazines as it was back in the day. Well times don't seem to change much because now it seems to be the kids who aren't filtered
I don’t think kids are able to appreciate the great difference between a sexual situation and sexual interaction.
5
Does anyone?
I prefer to frame this conversation like eating really bad junk food. It's not good for your body when you ingest it. Disturbing porn images are bad for the mind (particularly young, developing brains) and with frequent use becomes part of who you are and the way you think about things (this is my opinion). Whether you end up acting out with illegal / risky behavior or not it affects you. You are what you eat. You are what you see/read/watch/hear/etc.
20
THE LINK TO THE STUDY REFERENCED HERE IS FROM 2009. "The age of first exposure to sexually explicit content is around 13, said Bryant Paul, an associate professor in the media school at Indiana University. This has remained relatively steady since the 1990s, he said, even as more and more explicit material has become available online."
In a 2016 survey of 70,000 kids, the age of exposure to pornography averaged out at 8 years old. This study was done by Jesse Weinberger and was also mentioned in a NYT article. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/21/technology/personaltech/whats-the-rig...®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news
In a 2016 survey of 70,000 kids, the age of exposure to pornography averaged out at 8 years old. This study was done by Jesse Weinberger and was also mentioned in a NYT article. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/07/21/technology/personaltech/whats-the-rig...®ion=top-news&WT.nav=top-news
32
Hard to believe this article dodged the main point of pornography: violence against women. How about taking to our children about why our culture continues to see women as objects rather than equals?
67
There's a whole paragraph about sexual violence and pornography in the second half of the article.
Generally an excellent article, save for the use of the "pornography addiction" concept. That doesn't exist, though people who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder may express that disorder by excessively viewing pornography. But OCD sufferers could just as easily obsess about prayer, not stepping on sidewalk cracks, hand washing, etc.
8
There are plenty of people--- mostly men--- who would self-describe themselves as addicts to pornography. It is not for you to say what is their reality and their struggles. There are self-help groups for it. And ask many women-- they will tell you how addicted some men are let's just leave it at that.
15
Never liked the term "mansplaining", but, dude...
12
“I would tell parents to frame it as, ‘I would prefer it if you would explore your sexuality in other ways,’” said Mona Malacane, an assistant instructor at the media school of Indiana University.
What other ways? This seems like you are setting yourself up for an even more awkward conversation. What ways do you think Mona Malacane meant?
What other ways? This seems like you are setting yourself up for an even more awkward conversation. What ways do you think Mona Malacane meant?
33
Lol! Agree. Does that mean, explore with live humans???
19
Hi Judy and Sara,
I'm happy to provide more context to my comment. It is developmentally normative for sexual curiosity to increase during the teen years and kids may be looking at pornography for answers to these innocuous curiosities (e.g. What do naked bodies look like? What is masturbation?)
The "other ways" to explore sexual curiosity I was referring to include teen oriented sex-education websites (scarleteen.com is a great resource to start with); developmentally-appropriate books that discuss sex and/or relationships; and talking to parents/caregivers. Whatever option you choose, I strongly encourage parents to co-view the resource with your child and allow them privacy.
The other point I was making in my comment concerns the language used to communicate with kids. I primarily study teenagers and past research demonstrates that outright prohibition is not always effective at changing teenage behavior; in fact, blanket restriction without conversation is likely to lead to greater curiosity and desire to engage in the restricted behavior, sometimes referred to as a "forbidden-fruit effect". Saying "I prefer that you not engage in this behavior" (vs. "you are not allowed to") communicates your desired boundary with less forbidden-fruit temptation.
To your point about awkwardness - the conversations get easier the more you talk. "Breaking the Hush Factor" is a great resource for parents to get the conversations started. Hope this info is helpful!
I'm happy to provide more context to my comment. It is developmentally normative for sexual curiosity to increase during the teen years and kids may be looking at pornography for answers to these innocuous curiosities (e.g. What do naked bodies look like? What is masturbation?)
The "other ways" to explore sexual curiosity I was referring to include teen oriented sex-education websites (scarleteen.com is a great resource to start with); developmentally-appropriate books that discuss sex and/or relationships; and talking to parents/caregivers. Whatever option you choose, I strongly encourage parents to co-view the resource with your child and allow them privacy.
The other point I was making in my comment concerns the language used to communicate with kids. I primarily study teenagers and past research demonstrates that outright prohibition is not always effective at changing teenage behavior; in fact, blanket restriction without conversation is likely to lead to greater curiosity and desire to engage in the restricted behavior, sometimes referred to as a "forbidden-fruit effect". Saying "I prefer that you not engage in this behavior" (vs. "you are not allowed to") communicates your desired boundary with less forbidden-fruit temptation.
To your point about awkwardness - the conversations get easier the more you talk. "Breaking the Hush Factor" is a great resource for parents to get the conversations started. Hope this info is helpful!
46
Thanks for the link to scarleteen! I'm passing it around to my community of parents of teens and tweens. We are all looking for ways to provide sex-positive responsible sex ed for out kids, adn all resources are welcome!